#I’m not a system but I am dating one and am fascinated by how all the stuff works

[parissfrogg]

Hey DID/OSDD systems of tumblr I have a question!

Please elaborate in the tags!! I want to hear about it I’m so curious

[wakeup01]

Playing It Straight

“Roomieee. I need your help with something.” I hear the telltale high pitched cry from my twinky roommate Yuan’s bedroom. The last thing I need right now is his whiny ass distracting me.

“What it is? I have a date with this hot chick in half an hour. You better have clothes on this time dude.” My hand pushes the door to his room ajar and I see him laying down on the bed facing away from me. There was some upbeat trashy pop song playing on his sound system. Yuan begins to gyrate to the beat. “Don’t dance. No dancing.” I order bluntly, turning off his music.

There was being gay and then there was Yuan, who seemed to make it his whole identity. It was bad enough his room was colour coded in pastel purples to match his dusty lavender hair. But he had now painted the whole door too.

“It’s my big butt, I think there’s something wrong with it.” He announces with fake concern, rolling his hips on the bed sheet - revealing more of his smooth slim body than I ever dared wish to see. I make a internal note to ‘mace own eyes later’.

Yuan was not as innocent as he liked to make out and had on numerous occasions attempted to trick me into indulging in his fantasies. Gifting me a bright crop top and calling it a ‘fashionable tank top’ - it certainly turned heads at the gym the one day I wore it, or inviting me to a progressive club with the promise of scoring ‘lots of ass’. And the less said about ‘locktober’ the better, that was NOT a halloween costume. Only last week he had convinced me to listen to some gay as fuck audio tapes while I slept; obviously that crap didn’t work on a man like me. His justification always being ‘you’ll like it, I swear’. This one was a bit on the nose, even for him.

“Dude we talked about this, I’m flattered, really. I get it, I’m a gay bottoms wet dream. I can’t blame you for eying my superior meat.” I puff out my well built chest, barely contained in my tank top. “But fuck, it ain’t gonna happen.” I attempt to not make eye contact with him as he looks over his shoulder at me.

“No, like seriously. Something feels wrong, can you pleeease juth take a looksee. Pretty please.” He pulls down his shorts and moons me as I shield my eyes. It’s like the sun, you’re safe if you don’t look directly at it, right? Internal note: ‘buy more mace’.

“Serious like when you said we were in a ‘mandatory hand holding zone?” I hear muffled giggling coming from his pillow. “Bro it’s probably from all the things you shove up it.” I shudder, trying not to picture THAT in my head. “I’ll look but only if you promise me that you’ll drop that ‘I know you’re secretly gay bullshit.’ My friends at the gym heard that crap last time.”

“Hehe. Ooo thuch a manly jock. Geez, I pwromise. Meathead.” Yuan winks at me and I hated him for it. Hated the weird way it made me feel in my chest.

I sigh loudly for effect and bend down until the cleft of his…cheek is at eye level. I felt so self conscious, how on earth did he talk me into this? I look at my chiseled body just to remind myself, yes I am a man. A masculine man. God, here we go. My eyes briefly glance across his—ew—his raised butt before I quickly look away.

“Bruh I don’t see a thing. It’s a mans butt. Congratulations.” What the hell am I even looking for? I’m sat on the floor checking out a dude’s…posterior. And for what?

“Come on, look clother.” Yuan insists with a slight lisp, curving his back and pushing his rear higher.” Again, I look at my thick biceps, yes, still a man.

His hands pull at his buttocks and slowly part them, revealing his tight hole to me. Woah. One glimpse was all it took. I should have recoiled but instead I was fascinated. I’d never seen a man’s hole before, it was different…

I hear him say something to me but whatever it was, it didn’t seem too important. I couldn’t stop staring, it was like looking into a black hole, and the more I looked the more enraptured I became. It was distorting my worldview, it made me feel like I had been missing out on something all these years.

“Helloooo! See anything?”

“Uuhhh. Maybe.” I mumble, my head getting closer to his rear.

I pull away his hands and replace them with my own, laying my fingers across his round cheeks and spreading them wider. Wow, it was…dare I say, enticing? The rest of the room faded from my mind as my eyes fall deeper into his needy, winking hole. I lean in and my nose makes contact with his crack. I can’t help myself, I inhale and suck up his scent, it acts like an immediate aphrodisiac. My cock wakes up, poking against the edge of the bed.

“You have been lithening to your programming for me then. Good Meathead. Remember when you were the stuck-up clever one, going to college? That was thuch a bore.”

“Say what bro?” College? Did I…? Nah. That smart shit wasn’t for me bro, my head was like beef central. I haven’t a clue what he’s talking about but I was happy to be a good fucking meathead. Something in my mind told me I was supposed to be. It made me even more pumped about the gym session tomorrow, I gotta bulk up my pecs.

“Make sure to take lots of selfies tomorrow ‘bro’, I need to see your gains.” I continue to breathe in the sweet aroma emanating from his behind. What was I doing again? “So, anything there dummy? How about now?” giggle “Isn’t it likth so big.”

He wiggles his hips and pushes back into my face, my lips making contact with his boy pussy. My eyes go wide. Fuck, this was soo gay. I should be revolted, why am I still down here? I could get up and walk away whenever…whenever I wanted to. Suddenly my mouth felt parched, like I had spent a week in the desert. It became clear where this was going. I’m not sure if I could even stop myself at this point, one tiny thing could tip me over the edge and disintegrate my own self image. It was as If I was having an out of body experience, seeing myself pressed against him. I wouldn’t, I was stronger than this. I was straight. Straight as an arrow… straight as a…

“Eat up jock.”

F—fuck. My lips open and my tongue presses up against his rear, dragging up and down between his cheeks and then swirling around his inviting hole. It was like a dam breaking, once I started I couldn’t stop. I didn’t want to stop. He tasted too good. Ready for the main course, my tongue dives deep into him and begins to eat him out in earnest, my mouth sucking at his entrance like I’m slurping on a ice cream filling.

While giving him a very manly rimjob I think of a solution to our problem. I finish up indulging in his sweet cake and pull my face out, slapping his jiggly butt cheeks.

“So what’s the issue?” He asks impatiently.

“It’s empty for one. Huhuhu. But I can fix that bro.” I say confidently, rushing to remove my underwear so I can finally nut inside him.

I push his skinny back down against the bed and line up my monster cock with his lubricated hole. Yuan moans into his pillow like he should. I slide into him with ease and flex my arms, feeling proud at ‘conquering’ my roommates hole.

“Good Meathead.” He praises between loud panting. “Mmm. But I thought you were straight.”

“I am. Unff. Just helping a bro out. No homo. Though I do need to see if there’s anything wrong with your throat after I plant my seed in your hole.”

______________________________

The next day.

“Man that was a fucking lit workout.” I exclaim, marvelling at my bulging muscles. I tense my arms and see my veins pop, sweat dripping to the floor. “Though you losers sure focused a lot on your glutes today. Hey—aren’t you ‘queens’ gonna shower?” I turn as my gym bros stop behind me in the locker room.

“Well… we spoke to your roommate about your progress yesterday.” Xavier states, removing his damp muscle tee - his dark shiny skin reflecting the harsh lights from overhead.

Yesterday…for some reason my memories from the day before were a blur. For the life of me I can’t remember what happened. There was some strange taste lingering in my mouth that had been making my dick hard all day. My roommate was certainly in a suspiciously good mood this morning too and made some strange comments about me ‘being hungry for more’.

“About what bro? That Yuan can kiss my ass. Huhuh. Come on, stop checking out each others dicks and let’s go!”

“Uh see, he thinks you’re now ready to be our…” I’d never seen him so unsure of himself before, I roll my eyes at him and slam my locker closed.

“Y’all acting like a bunch of girls.” I swear if Yuan is back to spewing his gay bullshit again…

“Go on. Say it.” One of the others insists, nudging Xavier’s shoulder.

Xavier hesitates and then looks away from me, his cheeks flushing red. “There’s uh, there’s something wrong with my…butt…so could you?” The others fail to stifle a laugh.

I do a double take as Xavier turns and points his toned ass at me, his jockstrap framing it like a wrapped gift. “What the fuck? Bruh what are you doing? Put that shit away.”

“Be a good Meathead.”

I see a flash of my roommates butt cross my minds eye. Uhhh. My cock throbs at the image. Before I know it my legs are kneeling behind my friend, what am I doing? My body certainly seems to be one step ahead, my hands grab at his muscled legs for support. “What the actual fuck. Guys…” I’ve never felt so embarrassed, how am I ever gonna live this down?

A hand pulls on the strap hugging Xaviers left buttock and lets go, letting it snap back into place, a slight jiggle vibrates over his firm rear. Was it my hand? I couldn’t even tell.

“Holy shit. I can’t believe those tapes actually worked. He’s come a long way since he was that scrawny nerd, thinking he was above everyone. Now he’s dumber than all of us. We just need Yuan to join us next. Damn someone make sure to record this” It was hard to take in what they were saying, my mind was fixated…elsewhere. One of them leans down to my side and points their phone camera at my zoned out face. “Dude, we stink…I’m next after you.” Someone pats my back as another hand holds my shoulder in place. “Nothing more manly than licking the salty sweat off a bro’s butt.”

No��.

Xavier bends forward, his pert dark cheeks pulling apart - sweat glistening on their surface. And then I see it. What my body craved. His hole. Everything falls into place, my mouth watering at the sight, my eyes entranced. I could no longer deny what I wanted, deny the inevitability of what I was about to do. The depravity would be immortalised on camera too, my dumb face shoved in a mans ass. Oh fuck.

The perfect black void nestled between his tight buttocks seems to suck away my shame as I lick my lips. “So manly.” I repeat to the crowd that had gathered around me. Mmm. Rimming a man’s ass was almost as good as fucking it. I wanted a taste of all the guys, their shiny sweaty bodies, their musk. It was my place in the group, I was their meathead after all. My cock was already throbbing at the thought. Maybe Yuan was onto something with this whole ‘gay’ thing. Yeah, let’s try going full homo. Huhuhuh. Anything for the bros, bro.

Looking down at me confidently, Xavier grips the back of my head.

“Clean my hole bruh.”

_____________________________

A few days later I check in on Yuan to see his progress after a few nights obliviously listening to his ‘jocking’ tapes. Dude, I’m going to enjoy watching him slowly bulk up and dumb down. He’s sat up in bed casually tugging at his cock, mouth agape. The heavy thumping bass of trap music is blaring from his speakers. His room is a complete mess.

“How’s it hanging lil bro?”

“Just…mm—wanking.”

“Can see, Meathead. Hung and dumb, nice. I think you’re about ready to join us at the gym.”

“Hmm. Roomie, I—I need your help with something. It’s my big dick…”

“Huhuhu, there’s something wrong with it, let me be a bro and give you a hand with that stick.” I climb over him and wrap my lips around his cock.

“Thuck…ahem. Fuck yeah brooo!”

[arcadekitten]

The Lambchop World is so fascinating and cool… but I’d like to know more about it as well! What’s the economy like there? Do people still have jobs, buy and sell stuff like supplies, clothing, food, etc… just like they do in Stella’s town?

(Also, speaking of which.., is everyone’s wardrobe that emo/gothic? Did Lambchop force it to be? Because I love Stella but those clothes are REALLY not her style! I really hope that Lambchop didn’t force her into wearing them… that’s leaning a bit too much into “toxic relationship power imbalance” for me)

What’s the general attitude of the population? Are they all violent, bloodthirsty and prickly besides Stella or do some of them retain their normal personalities? Do they lean in more towards their “animalistic” side (like Ruuuby eating Buck) or do they still eat normal food? …WHERE would they get normal food? Is it all meat and cannibalism??

Also, assuming that Lambchop goes after the whole WORLD instead of just a small village like Stella did… is death common there? Or does Lambchop resurrect them to “have some more fun” on his planet? Are his powers that of a normal Star witch as well? I’m so curious if it is!

And finally… what are Stella and Lambchop’s roles and relationship on this planet? Lambchop seems to live just like a common “resident” of that planet… getting into riots, street fights, etc. What does Stella do though? Is she just Lambchop’s personal nurse who takes care of him after he gets into fights or something?

This seems to be an anarchic world, so I doubt that their’ll be a government or any form of legal system there.., but I am curious if there is some sort of “gang hierarchy” on this place, like the most respected fighters are the rulers of certain territories and clans or something. It’ll make sense for his world, and I wonder if he’s in the “top hierarchy” or something like that, considering that he literally CREATED the world lol. Do the other residents have respect or are intimidated by him? What do they think of Stella?

P.S: Kinda a dumb question but are Stella and Lambchop in a relationship in this AU? Do they date and have a house (or a joint living area maybe) and live together or something? How do they treat each other? I like to think that Lambchop treats Stella…well, like allowing her a small garden to plant some flowers and have a semblance of normalcy in their home. Kind of like how Stella bloodied up her village for Lambchop, but much less drastic.

And for the million-dollar question: What on EARTH are the other Star Witches when Stella needs them??? Did they abandon her or something?

These are A LOT of questions, I’ll admit… Im rly sorry if this is too much :( But I’m just so curious about this world; the idea is absolutely fascinating to me!! Thank u sm for reading all this!! :D

oh this will be fun!! *cracks knuckles for the second time* I'll try to answer best I can!

-The economy is a bit strange. I think some people still kinda have jobs and make money, but money alone is probably not valued as much as "substances" or "favors" (Ex: "Get that fucker out of my bar and you'll get free drinks for the whole night" )

-Everyone's wardrobe is pretty emo-gothic, but I wouldn't describe it as a "Lambchop forced it to be" situation so much as. In the vision of Lambchop's perfect world this is just how society dresses. And so Stella dressing like this is more of a societally pressured thing. For one, there's probably not other clothing options. And if there is, dressing in a way that strays from the norm would be like affixing a giant target to her back--everyone would be trying to start shit with her. It's safer to blend in so people don't think you're soft.

-Most everyone is pretty prickly. And if they are "nice", it's a kind of niceness that incorporates violence into the mix--otherwise you'd be down for the count. Everyone's probably on "high defense mode" all the time and is just waiting for you to be the one that growls first.

-Most food is probably meat based. I don't imagine that everyone is just eating whoever they slaughter on the street (though some might) but rather there's some mysterious "meat processing" plants. Where's the meat come from? Don't spoil it by asking questions.

-I don't think Lambchop has any sort of special/magic powers that set him aside from everyone else. I think it's less of a "Lambchop controlling the world to be this way" and more of "The world itself shaping itself around his desires." Death is pretty common, though I hadn't considered the possibility of people coming back in this version too...interesting to think about.

-I think the possibility of some gang hierarchies exist, but I hadn't put too much thought into it. I do think some people might be more well-known either for being really good fighters and/or for starting trouble a lot. I feel like Lambchop wouldn't be the most well-known but might have a bit of a rep for being able to take people down.

-Combining some of your Stella questions into one, Stella's relationship with the planet is pretty...fraught. I think she's still got magic powers but they're nowhere near the the level of skill she's got in Sweet No Death. At most she can perform small magic, making things grow, levitating some smaller objects, etc. I feel like Stella's status as a star witch is vague even to herself--like maybe she got amnesia upon landing here, but she knows that things could surely be better than this... Stella tries to help people and sometimes they accept it and sometimes they don't, but when they do allow her to help she feels good inside and it helps restore a bit of her hope in the world.

I like to imagine that maybe Lambchop and Stella found each other when Stella was attempting to "fix" things instead of breaking them like everyone else, and Lambchop was a bit captivated by how different she was from everyone else. Stella would in turn see him as different from everyone else--less prickly, more smiley, and likes her company.

I think Lambchop and Stella are dating. They live in some dank, decrepit apartment building which probably isn't even owned by anyone anymore and they might be the only people in it. Stella's got something of a greenhouse on the balcony where she grows as many little plants as she can keep alive and can enjoy the feeling of fresh air for once.

Despite the general violence of the city and Lambchop preferring things this way, he and Stella have a pretty lovey relationship. They sleep in the same bed all cuddled up next to each other every night. If Stella is having a bad mental day (can't handle the stress of everything, being worried something really bad will happen to Lambchop if he goes out, etc) Lambchop will stay home with her and they'll spend the day snuggling and kissing and maybe working in her greenhouse. When Stella goes out Lambchop usually tries to be beside her. She's able to defend herself but he knows she doesn't *like* having to do that, so he doesn't mind being her bodyguard for anyone who would want to pick a fight with her. Sometimes they even try to go on dates outside despite how crazy everything is. When Lambchop gets into fights Stella bandages all his wounds when he gets hurt. She hates seeing him hurt but she loves seeing his smile as he recounts to her how he won. I think she uses whatever magic she has to help expedite his healing process.

-As for Star Witches, the thing about Star Witches is like...they are catty and judgemental but if you are another Star Witch they will not help you improve unless it benefits them in some way. They will come into your house and might adjust a crooked picture frame on the wall, but they won't clean up your kitchen or tidy up your living room or do your yard work for you. If they were to see a world like this they would not help it try to get better because it is not their monkeys, not their circus.

[elliebyrrdwrites]

13.3

DRACO

There was nothing more lovely than the sight of a wide-eyed, open mouthed Hermione Granger. She was awe-struck by his confession, one he hadn’t given anyone. A truth he kept hidden away since he was ten years old.

Well, there might be something more beautiful.

It was the flare of indignation that crept slowly into her sparkling brown eyes as his words sunk into her.

“What do you mean, it started at the beginning? The beginning of what?”

Draco shrugged, muscles loosened from the small amount of alcohol coursing through his system. “Of school.”

She was scowling at him. “How is that possible?”

Draco shrugged, finding it hard to put into words the complex and twisted lines of fate that led him here. “It just is.” He straightened and lifted his menu again. “Shall we order?”

“We were ten.”

“And I was already in love, imagine that.”

“You’re a liar.”

He was. And he was currently lying. Well, actually, he was elaborating. Draco was ten when he first found himself compelled with Hermione Granger. The fact of the matter was that it developed into a crush around third year and he believed he fell in love with her during their sixth year.

“You had a lot of hair.” He watched her face turn red and her nostrils flare. “And your teeth,” He flicked his hand toward her face. “They were quite large.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” She pushed out through clenched teeth.

Draco battled with the need to calm her down, to tell her how fucking fascinating he had found her and also with the need to get her worked up. She had tricked him into this date, after all. It only seemed fair.

Besides, when Hermione was upset, she got flushed, her eyes brighter than usual. It allowed him to imagine her flush and bright in other positions. Like in his lap and with him tucked deep inside of her.

“You asked me when it started.” Draco lifted a hand for the waiter, signaling for assistance.

“You are the worst.” She pushed away from the table.

“Granger,” He sighed. But she was already rushing out of the restaurant, away from him.

Draco quickly paid for their drinks before running after her. She was already trudging through the field, past the little farm. He marveled at how quickly she moved when she was upset and not wearing heels.

“Granger,” He called, jogging after her.

“Go away.”

“Well, you know I can’t do that.”

She stopped and spun to face him. “You ruin everything.”

He smiled at the way the wind ripped at her hair, pulling strands and wrapping them around one another. Her hair was naturally wild and here in the wind, it looked at home. He loved her hair.

She growled. “You think this is some kind of a joke. But you know what, Malfoy, I’m tired of being the butt of all your jokes.”

Draco’s smile faded at her words. At the way she turned her back on him again and marched up the hill. She was aiming for the spot they had arrived with the Portkey.

He had teased her, relentlessly, as children. He didn't know how to tackle his obsession with her then, he only knew what he was ordered to do. Which was to hate her, minimize her. She had seemed so fucking resilient that he believed her impervious to his vitriol. It made him even more fascinated with her.

“Where are you going?”

“Anywhere where you aren’t.”

“That’s impossible.” He sighed, catching up to her with his long strides. He was walking beside her now and watched as she kept pushing curls away from her face, throwing her shoulders back each time as they worked their way up the hill. On her fourth attempt to pick hair out of her mouth, Draco latched onto her wrist and pulled her to a stop.

“Granger,” He sighed. “Would you calm down?”

“Calm down?” She shoved at his chest with one hand, pulling her other hand free. Draco lit up at the feel of her hand pressing into him. At the combative way she shoved and pulled, her hair flying wildly around. “Stop telling me what to do! I am not a child!” She pulled her hand from his chest and spun to leave.

But Draco was still holding onto her and the grass was still wet.

Hermione slipped and went down, taking Draco with her.

With a grunt and a yelp, they fell and tumbled several feet down the hillside.

Draco managed to wrap her up in his arms as they rolled and when they came to a halt, she was beneath him, panting and wide-eyed.

Draco’s hands were stuck between her and the ground, his legs straddled her hips. Her hands were stuck between their bodies.

That was when he realized how cold she was. Her skin was pebbled, her body trembled beneath this, despite the flush brightening her cheeks.

Words began to tumble free from him. “I had never met anyone like you. You tore into that compartment like you owned the damn train.”

Her eyes found his mouth.

“And I liked your teeth.” He exhaled and her eyes lifted to his eyes.

“You did?” Her voice was broken and soft.

Draco was so close to her, he could taste her breath. It caused visceral reactions, it caused reactions that went soul deep. He nodded, lowering his head just enough to brush the tip of her nose with his.

“I did. I do.” He murmured.

She leaned up into him, straining her neck enough that Draco lowered his head some more, and brushed his lips against her cheek. Her hands latched onto the fabric of his shirt.

Her breath shuddered against his face, and the urge to drag his teeth along her skin, his lips across her mouth was too overwhelming, and so he moved his lips lower, towards the corner of her lips.

“Draco, get to Hambleden now.” Theo’s voice suddenly erupted into the night, startling both of them.

He looked over his shoulder to find Theo’s silver fox Patronus standing before them. He didn’t like the tone to his voice. Hermione’s hands fell away and Draco had to pull her up with him in order to gain control of his hands again.

“Do you think Harry is okay?” She looked scared and Draco’s resolve hardened.

“I don’t know. Let’s go find out.” He pulled her to her feet and together, they apparated out of East Cumbria and into Hambleden.

[bassguitarinablackt-shirt]

helloo asher i’m going to ask you a few questions about being a system if that’s okay!

do you have a headspace/inner world? some systems have these (ofc not all) and it seems like such a cool concept! if you do — how does it manifest, and how much do you use it?

are there conflicts of religious faith within your alters (this is pretty personal so just ignore if it makes you uncomfortable). i know you’re helpol — is this a widespread belief system within the system or no?

are there relationships (platonic romantic secret third thing whatever) within the system, or is everyone just kind of. separate parts of a whole?

merging is often kind of an “end goal” for many psychiatrists dealing with systems. is that one for you, or do you prefer where you’re at now? or you would possibly want to be even more separate from your alters? (also pretty personal, don’t feel pressured to answer it!!)

how can you tell who’s fronting/co-fronting?

adieu i am so sorry for all the questions i am just so fascinated

funnily enough we don't have a headspace, atleast not like. a set one???? like we can imagine alters doing things but we dont really have like. a set headspace/inner world. its more like we all just exist in a void 😔

the religion thing is complicated 😔 we're collectively helpol but we're not really sure how alot of us feel about religion on an individual level?

oh we have alot of in-sys relationships. like will and neeks are dating, percy and annie are besties and think its funny to act like they're dating because of their source, asher will neeks percy and annie are all kind of a group just because theyre like the five most frequent fronters, astro mars and venus are a trio and im pretty sure astro and mars are in a qpr, jace pipes and leo are a trio, we call jace and carlos the dogboy duo, jace is just like generally an older brother figure to alot of us, theres probably more im too lazy to remember rn 😔

honestly as of now we're not really sure how we feel about final fusion/integrating, like right now its just not something we can work towards so we're kinda leaving that up to future us but im kinda leaning towards working towards functional multiplicity instead, idk like i said thats up to future me

we actually just answered this in a previous ask!!!! if you dont wanna look flr that short answer is we usually have no idea who the fuck is fronting but each alter has a specific vibe that can kinda make it easier to tell and also some of us have specific things aside from our vibe that can make it easier to tell

this was all super fun to answer thank you my dear friend!!!!

[absolutebl]

Hi P’ABL! I saw the post earlier about branded pairs taking someone out of the story and just wanted to add my two cents, since you and I seem to be somewhat aligned on liking them (at least story/show wise). For me personally, another reason I like the pair system is I’m not worried about them being as uncomfortable!

I know the system has flaws, to put it mildly, but with the rise of pairs like EarthMix, FirstKhaotung, and even OhmNanon, it’s so nice to know that they were friends first, so they most likely could communicate better on boundaries while acting. I know they are all professionals, but something I always worry about with a lot of higher heat shows is the actors feeling pressured to do more than they are comfortable with (this isn’t unique to BL, either). When the actors are paired, and especially when they’re friends prior to being paired, I worry less that they were coerced into doing high heat they aren’t prepared for. It’s probably my anxiety that makes me worried about that more than usual.

Do you think the pair system could ever be moved to more of a healthy dynamic? On paper, the idea of pairing two actors who are comfortable with each other, good actors, with guaranteed chemistry seems amazing for actors and production companies alike. However I know there’s a lot of shit that happens in the background that makes it a lot more complex than that.

Hum, I think a lot about the 1950s Hollywood studio system with pair branding.

Do you think the pair system could ever be moved to more of a healthy dynamic?

Maybe? I mean it isn't the 1950s anymore, so evolution may go differently. (Much as humans love their repeated patterns.)

On paper, the idea of pairing two actors who are comfortable with each other, good actors, with guaranteed chemistry seems amazing for actors and production companies alike.

Yes.... on paper.

But never forget actors act.

It's what they, presumably, do best. I'm not saying any of these friendships we see between pairs are faked or forced, but I am saying that what WE see is performative.

Yes ALWAYS. On the v-live, on those bts cuts, on that reality TV show.

Also, please remember, actors tend to be narcissists - so how they behave around friendship, and notions of it, is different than many ordinary people. Their egos are both fixed, unmoored, and mercurial. Fixed because they are grounded in talent and beauty, unmoored because they often suffer from imposter syndrome (over one or both of those first 2 aspects), and mercurial because they take on other personalities so easily. Mimicry is their job, after all.

Maybe I'm jaded. But when I say never date an actor, I REALLY mean it. I mean I've plenty of celebrity-type friends, but they are a different kind of friend that requires a different kind of maintenance. They are TONS of fun to be around, but would I call them for help in times of need? Never. They aren't... how to put this nicely?... dependable.

Now when and how does the performance become the person, or the friendship? That's a fascinating question to examine.

You could watch 2017's Method, a KBL-ish movie that sort of tackles this. But it's emotionally rough going.

Since celebrities are notoriously difficult to study, psychologically speaking, we may never have actual data on this one. So in an awfully meta way I suppose we have to turn our attention back to fiction for the discussion.

(Never did I think there would come a time where I would recommend Method. Huh.)

[lurkingshan]

Thai QL Favorites Tag Game

Tagged by @telomeke and @chickenstrangers - thank you for inviting me to play! I had to keep reminding myself this is for Thai shows only, because I kept trying to include Japanese bls, my beloveds. But I got it now and I wrote way too much, as I am wont to do. :)))

Favorite Thai QL: I was just talking with @waitmyturtles about the distinction between favorite and best in comparing two major Thai bls–I Told Sunset About You and Bad Buddy. For me, ITSAY is objectively the best Thai bl ever made, in terms of its quality, fidelity to its vision, and execution of its story and themes. But Bad Buddy is my favorite. It is not without its flaws, but it is peak storytelling and it does my absolute favorite thing in any romance–it gets the couple together early in the story and lets me live in their relationship and see how they would navigate the many challenges coming their way while protecting their relationship. I’m not sure any other Thai ql drama will ever top it for me (but please do keep trying, Thailand). 

Favorite pairing: *steps on soap box, taps mic* The branded pairing system in Thai ql, while good for marketing and (sometimes) for actor relationships/chemistry and job security, is a hindrance to art and severely limits the storytelling capabilities of Thai dramas. I am not opposed to pairs who choose it working together across multiple projects, but I absolutely hate the real person shipping culture it encourages and the restrictions it places on some actors and productions. I have seen some positive signs of a loosening around these restrictions–like Earth and Mix both being allowed to play intimate scenes with other actors in Moonlight Chicken–but it still prevents actors from having more freedom to try different projects and often results in poor casting choices because everything has to be worked around a set pair instead of a more organic casting process. 

Ahem. All of that said, I think if I had to name a pair I like best and am most comfortable with, it would be Off and Gun. They work well together, their shows only get better over time, they don’t do the performative shit where they pretend they might be dating, and they seem to have a strong friendship and comfortable dynamic that insulates them somewhat from the worst of the shipper nonsense. I am very much looking forward to Cooking Crush. 

Most underrated actor: Fluke Pusit. If The Warp Effect and A Boss and a Babe didn’t convince GMMTV that this man is ready to headline his own drama, I don’t know what will! 

Favorite main character: Teh, I Told Sunset About You and I Promised You the Moon. Yes, both shows, and before you all come yell at me: I SAID WHAT I SAID. As I’ve mentioned before, Teh is a masterpiece of mess. He loves deeply and obsessively, he is passionate and mercurial in the extreme, and he is just as likely to crush you as he is to make your heart soar. In the category of emotional intensity he is unbeatable. He is fascinating to watch, and he is both infuriating and entirely legible, because every thought, feeling, and impulse are right there on his sleeve for you to see. He’s a legendary character crafted by brilliant writers and portrayed by one of the most talented young actors in Thailand, and I love him! 

Favorite side character: I am cheating and naming two: our favorite gay uncles Cheep and Dej from My Ride. I know @bengiyo feels me on this one. I love their relationship dynamic where they are constantly (lovingly) nagging at each other, I love the way they care for Mork, I love the delight they take in raising and guiding baby gays, and I even love their bad flashback wigs. 

Favorite scene in a QL: Teh and Oh-aew, on the floor, end of episode 3 of ITSAY. You know the one. I will never forget the raw intensity of that scene or the way I literally stopped breathing the first time I saw it. Holy shit. Honorable mention to Bad Buddy rooftop kiss, but I figure almost everyone else is going to talk about that one.

Favorite line in a QL: Ya know, when I think about great lines of dialogue, my mind invariably goes to Japanese and Korean dramas. I think that’s mostly because of my own language limitations and translation issues - Thai to English is tough and we get a lot of awkward subs as a result. But one I will always remember is from Love Sick, when Noh says to Phun: “It’s a terrible feeling, not knowing where the line between us is, isn’t it?”

Because woof, yes Noh it is!

Most anticipated QL (& why): Joining the chorus for Only Friends, because I usually love Jojo’s shows and I am here for a good time. I am also really happy we’re finally getting some Thai historicals, and am very much hoping I Feel You Linger in the Air will be great.

Healthiest relationship in a QL: This is a tough one because these are romance dramas, which means most of the romances are unhealthy by design, because that’s what the plot is about! You mostly see healthy relationships in the sides who are there to impart their wisdom (like Three and Zo in A Boss and a Babe). I will use this excuse to give a shout out to Patts from La Pluie, however, for modeling honest communication through most of the show (which was not reciprocated, which is what made the relationship unhealthy and led to the big conflict). Listen to La Pluie and communicate with your partners, fam!

Most toxic relationship in a QL: I don’t know if it’s the most toxic, but I was just talking to @bengiyo @neuroticbookworm and @wen-kexing-apologist about how much I hate the relationship dynamic that @absolutebl calls “Tom and Jerry.” This is where one person relentlessly chases the other as they vocally resist, often via negging and bullying. This came up in our My Ride discussion about Toy and Boss, and it’s also the dynamic of the main couple in My Engineer, which is why I don’t really like that drama despite Ram and King. I HATE THE TOM AND JERRY DYNAMIC SO MUCH. I don’t think it’s cute, I don’t think it’s funny, and I don’t root for these couples. 

Guilty pleasure series: I don’t feel guilty about my pleasures. :)

Most underrated series: Make it Right. I finally watched this recently thanks to @waitmyturtles and @bengiyo and it was so much better than I expected. I have written about both seasons and how much joy I got out of my watch despite the undeniable messiness of the show. This one deserves more respect as a Thai bl legacy show that paved the way for many others. 

Tagging @shortpplfedup @ginnymoonbeam @so-much-yet-to-learn @blmpff @troubled-mind @rocketturtle4 @lurkingteapot @nieves-de-sugui @syrena-del-mar @emotionallychargedtowel @slayerkitty @callipigio in case you want to play.

Feel free to ignore if not and definitely don’t feel obligated to write whole ass essays just because I’m a wordy b. :)

[chidoroki]

Heavenly Delusion EP12

aka: HELL NO

Was that really a dream with the robot asking them if they wanted to go outside? And why is Tokio’s hair all short suddenly? I should probably pay more attention to what year it is whenever they give us dates.

Okay wait, no?? The robot says it’s Friday, July 26 Ten’ei 18 and Tokio just clarified she got her hair cut short yesterday, but in the “dream,” if it was one, also had the same date.. I may be overthinking things or I may be stupid.

Why are all the young kids gathering around saying “danger” for??

And now most of Mina’s system isn’t working? And the place is really falling apart!

The dude says “don’t take notice of the different colors” of the chips but now I’m gonna be skeptical.

Robin is chief of the Ministry of Reconstruction? Or just of this large filtration plant Kiruko is now running towards?

Oh boy, is that really the same facility where all the kids once were?

I’m surprised Maru let Kiruko go investigate the place alone first.

They’re playing this calm, hopeful music yet it gives me a bad feeling like something is definitely gonna go wrong..

Oh no, if Kona stays behind with the younger kids while Miminime & the other investigate the wall, does he become a hiruko too? The young ones have definitely be acting strange and that vision of Mimihime’s last ep is definitely concerning.

The director could use her legs this entire time??

That dude mixed up Tokio’s kids during all the chaos..

Wow, I really love that shot of the broken glass and how the focus shifts right to the back of Kiruko’s head, like a reminder of how Kiriko was killed and Haruki underwent that surgery.

So not even Robon knows where Sakota is.

I don’t like how Robin’s tone changed right then as the lighting turned a bit red..

Kiruko went to investigate but didn’t bring the gun?? Why!!

“Kiriko. No, you’re Haruki. You’re both really interesting kids.” YEAH NOPE. I knew Robin was acting sus but that crazy grin confirms it!! What the hell does he have planned?

Handcuffs? He’s gonna hold Kiruko captive? … oh, wait, don’t tell me “that scene” happens like this???

Yeah, Mimihime’s fascination with the sky really alludes to that girl Usami was with.

I love how often this show has match cuts, now with Maru’s dinner to the lit candle.

“Right! It’s the sister you love so much. She’s about to be held by another man.” Son of a bitch, Robin, go fuck yourself!

I am SO PISSED OFF at this man.

[adapembroke]

Astrology as Brain Candy

One of the wonderful things about being a fiction writer is that you don’t have to worry about being right. Telling lies is the name of the game, so you have a license to follow interesting people down the most bizarre rabbit holes imaginable. All that matters is that their mistakes are interesting enough to weave a story around.

I came to astrology as an adult with little exposure to the discipline beyond newspaper horoscopes. There were whispers in my high school science classes about astrology. I knew that some famous astronomers in the past were also astrologers–Kepler, Regiomontanus, Tycho Brahe–but my teachers were baffled by their interest, and they taught me to raise an eyebrow, as well. At best, I was led to believe that their interest in astrology was an eccentric affectation. At worst, there were whispers about madness and genius, the inseparable twins. 

When I was in my late-20s, I became fascinated by astronomy’s embarrassing estranged twin. Clutching my license to follow absurd ideas to their illogical conclusions, I threw myself down the astrological rabbit hole in search of a story. 

I had always been told that astrology was fundamentally based on fantasy. Night sky as Rorschach test: Humanity looked at the stars and told stories about the shapes we found there. This story is true, but it isn’t the whole story. Encoded in the strange occult symbols are philosophical arguments dating back to the Presocratic Greeks. What is the fundamental nature of reality? How does existence come into being? What was the primordial substance air, fire, or water? In what positions were the planets at the first moment of creation? What is the nature of the lifecycle? Is it possible for matter to die? 

Astrology doesn’t provide answers to those questions. It inhabits the questions themselves. In astrology, the universe is a clock. Viewed outside of time, the hands point to every possible number. The only answer to, “What time is it?” is, “Yes. As the planets cycle through the zodiac, they adopt different sides of every argument. Observe through enough cycles, and you’ll see what reality is like when each of the possible answers to these questions is true. Meet enough people, and you will meet each of these answers embodied as a living soul.

A chart is not a single answer but many. Every chart is a map of the universe in dialogue with itself. Within the thought-experiment of the chart, the answers talk with each other, argue with each other. The sun thinks the fundamental nature of reality is fire. The moon thinks it's water. Together, they make steam, and from the steam, Neptune is born.  

Taken all at once, the system of astrology is tremendously complicated, but it is the complexity of fractals, an endlessly complicated system built on simple rules. Just like complicated molecules can be broken down into simple elements, a chart can be broken down into planets, signs, houses, and the relationships between them. Signs can be broken down into elements, modes, polarities, and the relationships between them. Polarity is binary. Ones and zeroes.

There are people who could happily spend eternity contemplating elegant abstraction. You may be one of them. I’m not a mathematician, scientist, or technical person. I am a poet. When I explore the abstract complexity of astrology’s roots, I’m a diver, wearing specialized equipment, living on bottled air. I dive for the same reason pearl divers dive. I am looking for treasure in the depths. Imagery and metaphor. 

Astrology is the difference engine of poetry: Like an organ grinder monkey, you can make music by turning a crank.

An example: Astrology says that Scorpio is the sign of “fixed water.” What, exactly, does that mean? 

Fixity is one of the three modalities. Modalities map the lifecycle. Fixed signs are right in the middle between cardinal and mutable. They live like Vitruvian Man, arms stretched equally on both sides between infancy and old age. 

Water is an element we are intimately familiar with. We need water, or else we’re dead. It nourishes us and cleanses us. It is the source and substance of life. Your brain is 95% water.

What does it mean to bring these two simple ideas together? In nature, what does fixed water look like? 

When I was a young astrologer, I thought the answer to this answer was easy: ice. “Ice” came to me easily because it is unmoving and represents the stubborn unmovingness of middle age. (My sun sign Taurus embodies this quality most of all the fixed signs, so it’s not difficult to see why I chose this quality to emphasize.) Ice can be powerful. I was born on glacier-scoured land. The gently rolling hills are the bones of mountains that were once taller than the Himalayas. The ruins of a mountain range conquered by ice, the land of New England is a testament to just how powerful ice can be. Ice becomes powerful with time and movement, but these qualities are not essential (or even common) to its nature. With encouragement and pressure, ice can do extraordinary things. Without it, ice doesn’t do much at all.

The closer I’ve gotten to the midpoint of middle age myself, the more I’ve come to realize (or hope or wish) there is more to middle age than stubbornness. Middle age should be at the top of a big bell curve between beginning and ending. Under ideal circumstances, life at middle age reigns at the height of its power. It knows who it is, what it is capable of, what its domain is. It knows its limits, as well, and, within those limits, it doesn’t hesitate to act.

In nature, rivers embody fixed water most clearly. Rivers have the powerful earth-carving power of glaciers, but they are water at its most alive, most itself. Water that is unmoving–either because it is frozen or because it is stuck and has nowhere to go–is dead water. Middle age can be like a barren icefield or a swamp, but that is what happens when middle age has gone wrong. A living death at middle age isn’t the way things should be.

Springs, rivers, and oceans are living waters. This is the water of astrology, beginning, living, and returning to the source. 

I speak with the confidence of a middle aged astrologer, but the answer to the question, “What is fixed water?” is far from settled. Like rivers, symbols are living, moving things. Attempting to settle a final answer on them is as foolish as building a city on a flood plain. Even within a single person, the answers change. Ten years ago, I ran the question of Scorpio through my natal chart and churned out ice. Today, I returned to the same place and found a river. 

I would never claim to have a mind like Kepler’s, but it is no longer a mystery to me why geniuses of his calibur have been fascinated by astrology. It isn’t the answers that astrology can potentially give about the future that makes it so fascinating, it’s the questions it raises, the potential foci for rumination. 

Like a child peering into a kaleidoscope, the mind is transfixed, staring into the starry heavens, enchanted. 

[verlaines-corner-archive]

KICKS YOUR DOOR DOWN !!! idk if these count as wholesome, but they are all general fedya headcanons i have (can you guess which ones are me self projecting ???)

he's epileptic cause the real fyodor was epileptic

he's a super sex positive person and the stigma that having a lot of sex/exploring your sexual self makes you a lesser person infuriates him to no ends. he also thinks the whole 'pre-marital sex is a sin' thing is fucking bullshit

he's an orthodox christian, but he's a little more on the ambiguous side of being an orthodox, he identifies with the faith, but not to the T

he likes small soft animals, and he likes small stuffies

he didn't learn to read, write or speak until much later than his peers, but once he did learn all the things, he was far ahead of everyone else.

he gets sick quite a bit, but he gets self conscious about how weak his body and immune system are, so when he does get sick he just hides away from everyone around him. good thing he's very competent and can take care of himself.

he actually has a very good relationship with his mom. he still calls her from time to time and they talk for hours to catch up. she doesn't know what exactly he's doing, but she loves hearing from her dear son

he very much enjoys romance novels, they're kinda his guilty pleasure, but one of his favorite things to do to relax is drink some hot tea and read a good romance story.

speaking of tea, he likes it really sweet, more cream and sugar than actual tea.

he has an over active imagination, and when he was a kid was absolutely convinced that everything was living, he talked to his toys all the time. having whole conversations with them.

wears his hat all the time because he HATES when things touch his ears.

his hands are really soft, but constantly cold, and his knuckles get very red a lot of the time bc of how cold his hands get.

he finds slasher films to be corny and annoying, but he does enjoy himself a good psychological horror film. but his movie is v for vendetta. he likes the themes that are used, the film style, the use of colors. it's definitely his go to when he gets to pick the movie for movie nights.

speaking of movie nights, on the topic of dates, as tedious as it is, he has scheduled dates. it's all he can do for dates since he's so busy.

he talks to himself a lot. he often narrates everything he does, and doesn't even notice it sometimes. he just goes about his day spewing silly little monologues as everyone just stares at him weird.

he likes stars quite a bit, and planets fascinate him. despite how smart he is, he has never been able to fully wrap his head around how big the world really is, and how tiny he and everyone he knows is so tiny in comparison.

every time he sees an animal out in public, he waves to it, of (if he can do it discreetly) blows it a little kiss.

he likes cabbage a lot !! no particular reason, he just likes cabbage.

okay i'm done... for now. patiently awaiting the fyodor filth :D

Hello dear Lev! I am going to respond to some of your hcs with my opinions on your hcs. Under the cut for space

 -> I agree with Fyodor being epileptic! There’s actually a really interesting twitter thread by faust [@CosmicFaustus] going over his health and possible conditions he has.

 -> Now, I don’t really agree with the sex positivity one and I’m going to go over why because this is a very interesting topic to me.

Firstly I believe Fyodor to be both sex repulsed and a virgin. This is for a few reasons, the main one being that sex is something that requires vulnerability. The other person would have to see his body, frail and weak as it is, and despite his ability he would be in a position where he is out in the open. Bare and fully exposed, and the intimacy and vulnerability that comes with that is that freaks him out, leading to being him repulsed by the idea of it. With a lover he’d definitely warm up to sex, but it would take a long time and a lot of trust/comfort. But once that has been reached yeah, he’s all for exploring himself/themselves sexually.

In regards to other people I can’t see him being really sex positive. To Fyodor sex is something sacred, to be done only between lovers, an ultimate display of love and trust, and while he doesn’t really care about what other people do he will definitely silently judge them. People who sleep around or have had many partners are, to him, idiots who can’t control themselves. None of his business once again, and he’ll never actually say anything, but he definitely judges.  Fyodor definitely has a “my way or the high way” mentality, so those who go against what he believes are definitely lesser to him, which can pose a problem when it comes to relationships. He is not the best at understanding other peoples point of view beyond a theoretical understanding.

I do agree with the pre-marital sex though. I don’t think he cares much for that, but once again if someone has had a lot of bodies before marriage then he’s definitely side-eyeing them. But he would definitely have sex with his own lover before marriage, hundred percent.

Tl;dr: Fyodor is only sex positive with his lover, and that takes a while.

 -> I agree with him being Christian! I definitely see it being more ambiguous though, like you said. His relationship with religion is most certainly very strained and odd but that would require a whole analysis to get into.

 -> Fyodor definitely likes animals. I think he does both the “man is nothing more than animals” and “animals are so much better than man” thing. I also do see Fyodor having kept a teddy bear from when he was a child, though it’s hidden away and he seldom ever looks at it.

 -> He definitely gets sick a lot [once again pointing back at the tread by Faust], though I don’t think he’s good at taking care of himself. Fyodor can very easily get lost in his work and got days on end without eating or sleeping, and when he does take care of himself it’s either the bare minimum or actual proper self care, with the latter usually only being on days where he’s free [read as Ivan forcing him to take a break].

 -> I kind of see him liking romance? It’s by no means his favourite genre, but sometimes he’ll indulge and read one. I think he prefers tragic romances though, though the cheesy ones can be fun to pick on [especially with his lover].

 -> I don’t agree with him having an overactive imagination at all. Even as a kid Fyodor probably had a very ‘mature’ understanding and awareness of mortality and so on, I don’t think he ever believed everything was alive. I could see him talking to a stuffed animal maybe, but that would be from pure loneliness, nothing else.

 -> Now I don’t really see Fyodor watching movies, but I certainly don’t think his favourite would be V for Vendetta.

And yeah, he definitely schedules dates. There are some spontaneous ones, but a lot of times they’re predetermined. Which, honestly, is how Fyodor likes them. It gives him something to look forward to and creates a very welcome consistency. 

 -> I half agree with Fyodor narrating. I firmly believe Fyodor wouldn’t narrate aloud at all, no silly monologues or anything of that ilk. To everyone else Fyodor is ghostly silent, to the point where some people wonder if he’s actually there or not. Everything Fyodor thinks is internalised, he’s extremely in his own head.

[the-fiction-witch]

Little Birdy P1

Media Lewis

Character Adam Douglas

Couple: Adam X Reader

Rating: Sweet AF

Concept ‘my Little Birdy’ 

"So… you going to explain, everything of the last like six months" Lucy asked sipping her prosecco in my dorm room 

"I guess I probably should" I laughed "I guess it's started with Aphrodite" I smiled 

I was six miles deep into the library scouring the dewey decimal system the library employed desperate for the book I needed on Aphrodite and Eros. I had to do a report on the variations of their statues though time for my understanding artist difference unit of my artist theory class so I desperately needed the book. I moved down the endless lines of books looking for the one I needed. I quickly spotted it grabbing the top of the spine but as I did someone else grabbed the bottom.

"Ohh excuse me" I said moving back

"No no I'm sorry I didn't see you there" he says I looked and it was a tall thin boy I a red patterned button down the sleeves rolled to his elbows with a plane red shirt under it, a pair of rather tight well worn blue jeans with a leather belt and tattered half broken red converses. 

We both looked and saw there was only one copy of the book on the shelf

"It appears we are at a stalemate"

"It would appear so"

"Why do you need it?"

"For the statues and dates for my artist theory class"

"That's fair that's very needed"

"What do you need it for?" 

"I have a Greek god and goddess paper for classics"

"Ummm this is troubling"

"When's yours due?"

"First period Thursday"

"Ahhh you see mines due tomorrow"

"Ohh dear"

"Yeah. So-"

"But mines sixty two percent of the unti grade"

"Damn mines only twenty" he says "but I have to use this book it's specifically on the paper print out so I have to reference it"

"It's on mine too"

"AHH… likely why there is only left left now all our classmates probably have them"

"Yeah" 

"Uhhh how about we share it? Go sit in the study room and we can both use it" he suggested

"You wouldn't mind?"

"Not at all" he smiled "I like having someone to chat to while I work anyway stops me procrastinating so much" he laughed taking the book so I happily followed him though the library to a study room which he headed into so I flipped the little in use sign on the door and headed in sitting at the table getting my space set up to work and he sat on the other side of the table setting himself up too

 "I uhh I don't even know your name"

"Ohh right yeah. Adam, Adam Douglas" he smiled offering his hand 

"Y/n y/l/n" I smiled happily giving his hand a shake 

"That's a very pretty name" he smiled giving my hand a kiss 

"Awww your sweet" I blushed before we both began our work flipping through the book each for references we needed he typed away on his laptop and I wrote away with my favorite pen 

"Artist theory you said?"

"Ummm hum had to take it as part of my sculpture course"

"I see. I guess you're one of those down in the art department throwing clay around"

"Kinda yeah" 

"You interested in Greek statues and history then?"

"I am very much, I find it fascinating the level of detail"

"Me too." He nods 

"Classic lit did you say?"

"No classics"

"Ohhh your one of those"

"Yes in one of those cunts"

"No no-'

"It's okay I get it alot."

"The shining example of the school"

"immo sumus" he chuckled

"Ummm?"

"Sorry Latin. Have to use it alot in classics" he chuckled 

"It's okay, it's cute"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah you must be very clever"

"Awww aren't you sweet" he Cooes leaning in his arm "tuum pulcherrimum" he smirked 

"What does that mean?'

"I said your very beautiful" 

"Ohhh thank you" I blushed 

"bellus tuus cum erubescis, libet cum loqui tibi latine, parum birdy" he smirked 

I had no clue what he was saying but I turned as red as a strawberry making him smirk more "venerabile" he Cooes taking my hand and giving it a kiss

"I uhhh I take it you're on the Latin debate team?"

"Oh god no. I would happily be on the team issue is its less of a Latin team and more a old boys club for wanking each other off"

"Fair enough" I nodded 

"Plus it would take up an awful lot of my time I prefer having the free time" he says 

"Understandable" I nodded as we soon finished up our work returning the book to the shelf 

"I uhh I really liked working with you" 

"I did too" 

"I wouldn't mind sharing a book with you again or even a study room"

"Me either"

"Maybe we could work together some other time?"

"I'd like that Adam"

"Could you think maybe I could get your number?"

"Really?"

"Yeah, if that's okay"

"Sure" I smiled getting a bit of my spare paper and writing my number down on it with a little heart and handing it over to him 

"Great I'll text you as soon as I get back to my dorm" he smiled taking my hand giving it a kiss "pleasure working with you y/n" he says before heading off out the library, immediately I grabbed a romance book and slightly fanned myself trying to bring down my blush.

[pearlydewydrops]

finally finished obit and i’m stunned!! this book + i remain in darkness (which i have not finished…) paired together is painful. i feel very tired out and like i need a shower to cleanse myself now (that may also be because ive been reading this book for like 4 hours couped up in my bed). victoria chang says something about ‘sadness is plural, but grief is singular’ and that is so very true because her depiction of grief in this book is so unique and these individual moments that grief hits expressed through the figurative deaths of various objects, metaphorical beings, concepts and people all culminate into a beautiful and fragmented journey of her grief over her mother’s death. the final obituary is the only literal death described in the book, apart from her mother’s, which was the Parkland high school shooting that happened on february 14th 2018 (as i searched it up), although, the event that occurred on that date isn’t specifically stated in the book for good reason. May they rest in peace and i thought that was a beautiful way to end the book. it all felt so natural - the repetitive format and how all these obituaries feel like an incredibly heavy-handed diary (like a designated grief journal?). the book ends with a final poem that doesn’t end in a metaphorical sense, it’s an endless poem of hope hope hope (‘see how the mouth stays open?’ she writes as the final line) dedicated to her children. i didn’t notice the connection between the poems and the obituaries in the book but i noticed that a lot (maybe all?) of the poems were of victoria chang talking about her children

also weirdly this part of the book rlly reminded me of the image of sitting at the top of the bunk bed of my grandparents (not new but new for me since it was my first time visiting it last year in december) apartment in singapore. i imagine these two scenes to be wildly different cause the writer isn’t even sitting on a bunk bed 😭 but idk the image of sitting at the top of the bunk bed looking down at the many many streetlights through the small open window that only i could see from (yes this did make me feel special compared to my sister, actually i don’t even remember if she had a window on the bottom bunk maybe she did but i don’t think so) at 4am because their (new but not new) apartment was sooooo hot and cramped im not even joking when i say that opening the window was the only thing saving me from passing out (i kinda rlly miss their old apartment but its ok :(( ) and the veryvery white light illuminating through the gap at the bottom of the door from the bathroom whenever my grandpa would take bathroom breaks while watching the football game (i think he goes for arsenal?) is all still so fresh in my mind yet already nostalgic-feeling. it might just be nostalgic because i was feeling sad at the moment and was romanticising looking out an apartment window while im the only one awake woooweee…. but i miss itttt (even tho i was sorta kinda shitting on my grandparent’s new apartment a second ago i still loved it so much i wanna go back for a visit eugh) none of this added to what i was talking about with the book i’m really just saying anything because i am no good at analysing and evaluating books and beautiful writing BUT i will say

i love any piece of art that depicts grief in a lyrical, quiet yet passionate way. i’m scared for the day i have to experience my own intense grief but something about the way its written when its written WELL is fascinating and strangely comforting in a way no other concept of a feeling is (moreso comforting when the person has a good support system). idk why but it is

…my parents are back home now from work and i have to take a shower and study so i’ll just leave these scrappy notes here i guess… ??

(also this whole book reminds me that i don’t think i’ve ever read an obituary in my life. i admittedly didn’t even know what it was until i searched it up 😭😭 maybe i’m too young 😭)

[therandomavenger]

Favorite Books of 2023

When this year started, I set myself a challenge on Goodreads to read 100 books. Currently, I have read 159 books, so I guess you could say I overperformed. Those are print books, eBooks, and audiobooks. I make no distinctions. There’s nothing on the list under 100 pages, either, so I didn’t really count individually published short stories, though I did count the collections.

I love books and I love talking about them, so I’m going write about my favorite books I read this year. A word about the list: This is a list of books that I read this year, not necessarily books that were published this year. And while I am numbering them (sort of), this is also not necessarily a list of the best books I read this year, merely my favorites. Most of the books I read tend to be science fiction and fantasy, though I do read a healthy amount of nonfiction as well, as well as some general fiction. I do not read horror, except in rare cases. This list is merely to give me a chance to talk about things I loved.

Also, I have combined entire series or multiple books in a series as one entry. I do not apologize for this.

So, because no one demanded it, here are my favorite books I read this year, in reverse order. The order changed several times while compiling the list so don’t get too hung up on the number assignments.

Honorable Mentions

The Creative Act by Rick Rubin (Nonfiction) This is a meditation on creativity in all its forms, though Rubin is primarily known as a music producer and his examples reflect that. It’s about how creative minds work. There’s a lot of talk about process, and how to get unstuck, but mostly it’s about how to live as a creative person.

The Undiscovered Country Vol 1-4 by Scott Snyder, Charles Soulle, and Giuseppe Camuncoli (Graphic Novel). This series takes place a number of years in the future, after the United States has sealed its borders and cut off all communication with the outside world. Thirty years later, a group is invited to return, and see what the US has become. What has it become? A bunch of independent regions who are all some flavor of fucked up. Also, time inside may be broken? This is a fantastic, thought-provoking adventure story. The characters are fascinating, the art is amazing.

How to be an Anti-Racist by Ibram X. Kendi (Nonfiction). This is a book about racism in all its forms, the effects it has had on society, and how to combat it within yourself and within the culture at large. Kendi lets no one off the hook for any of this. It really made me think about several things in new ways.

And now the top ten, in reverse order.

10. Winter’s Orbit/Ocean’s Echo by Everina Maxwell (Science Fiction). I told you I was combining books, though I’m really cheating here because while these are linked, they are essentially standalones. In Winter’s Orbit, an arranged marriage ends up overturning the political system of an entire star system. In Ocean’s Echo, Maxwell gives us a sci-fi spin on the fake dating trope. The world is Queer normative, which was refreshing. Both couples in each book were male/male. Exciting sci-fi concepts plus relationship drama. What’s not to love?

9. The End of Everything by Katie Mack (Nonfiction). I inhaled this book, I found it so fascinating. In it, Mack discusses, in an entertaining and surprisingly hopeful way, the current theories about how the universe might end, going into detail about when it might happen and what it might look like to the people (or beings) who are around for it. Some of these are distressingly plausible and could happen at any moment. She concentrates on the science, and how we know what we know, as well as what the implications are for our current world.

8. Far Sector by N.K. Jemison and Jamal Campbell (Graphic Novel). Rookie human Green Lantern Jo Mullen is assigned to the City Enduring, on the other side of the cosmos, and has to solve a series of murders and attempt to start a war from breaking out among the city’s thousands of factions. I usually don’t read stuff from the major superhero universes, but Jemison brought me in to this and it did not disappoint. It is also enough of a standalone that you can read it without caring about what else is going on in the wider universe. The art is gorgeous, which is a bonus.

7. The Engineer/The Gangster/The Doctor by CS Poe (Fantasy). A federal agent hunts down criminals in a steampunk world, while hiding from his own past as a war criminal, and along the way falling in love with an outlaw. I read the first book and immediately downloaded the rest that were available. The fantasy concepts and worldbuilding are original, and the love story is swoonworthy, which is all you can ask for with something like this.

6. Once and Future Vol 1-5 by Kieron Gillen, Dan Mora, and Tamra Bonvillan (Graphic Novel). As prophecy foretold, King Arthur has returned to reclaim his crown, accompanied by a motley assortment of creatures out of legend. This is not a good thing, because King Arthur is a powerful psychopath who does not have the people’s best interests at heart. An aging warrior, her grandson, and the grandson’s maybe girlfriend are all that can oppose the new order, as the British Isles are plunged into chaos. It’s a startling take on the legends, as well as a meditation on what heroism actually is. The story is complete in these five volumes.

5. Nettle and Bone by T. Kingfisher (Fantasy). This is not a story about a princess who wants to marry a prince. This is a story about a princess who wants to kill one. She has her reasons, and will assemble a collection of allies to help her. Also, a really sweet slow-burn love story. This won the HUGO, so it really doesn’t need me to recommend it, but I do.

4. An Echo in the Sorrow/A Veiled and Hallowed Eve by Hailey Turner (Fantasy). These are the final two volumes in Turner’s Soulbound Series, about a wounded battle mage illegally soul-bonded to his werewolf boyfriend. And this conclusion did not disappoint. A lot of amazing urban fantasy concepts, a veritable war of the gods, plus all the feels. I was eager to see Jono and Patrick find their happy ever after, and she made me sweat for it, but Turner delivered.

3. Four Thousand Weeks by Oliver Burkeman (Nonfiction). This is more than a book about productivity. It is a book about our entire relationship with time itself, and our sense of progress. It made me think of these things in new ways, and was also an enjoyable, engaging read. A book about what we’re really looking for and how we might go about finding it.

2. Last Exit by Max Gladstone (Fantasy). Ten years ago, a group of college studentsembarked on an epic quest through many possible worlds, on a mission to save reality. They failed, and one of them fell. Now, the survivors must complete the quest even though they now have hard-fought-for lives they are leaving behind. Serious Dark Tower vibes here, and a twist I did not see coming, but made perfect sense. A book about what we owe to the past, and what we owe to each other. Also, hope.

1. The House in the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune (Fantasy). An easy pick for one of my favorite books of all time. Linus is sent to investigate Arthur’s Home for Magical Youth, and ends up finding more than he bargained for. A book about finding your family and your true love at the same time, and the lengths you’ll go to to fight for them. Also, about discovering who you really are, and the strength waiting inside you. I bawled like a baby through the last fifty pages, not even kidding.

And that’s it, my favorite books of the year. What were your favorites?

[artofliving1]

Running After A Thing Called the Mind : A Meditator’s Guide

Everthing’s perfect. The room is quiet, devices are on silent mood and you’re easing into the lotus posture, ready to get into the world of meditation. A dim memory of a bill payment looms up, out of nowhere. Was it due today? No wait, it’s not until four days. Will mark my calendar, right after meditation.

The smile appears on the face, again, and silence starts seeping in.

Wait, what’s that smell? Have I switched off the stove? Hmm, now that I’m thinking, need to add to the list of groceries for tomorrow’s dinner. Wait, come back!

This happens. Sometimes, thoughts just drizzling in the mind before meditation and before you know it, there’s a downpour. Something that happened yesterday, going to happen tomorrow, planning for the day…happiness, pride about something that went well, anxiety about the outcome of something else… everything snowballs. It’s normal for it to happen. Thoughts don’t seek our permission and knock on our door. Yet meditation is the act of relaxing you and stocking you up with more energy and focus. And yes, it’s easy to help yourself to free yourself from thoughts when you’re meditating.

# It’s Alright:

Accept all thoughts when you meditate. Let them come. Thoughts come and go away too. Observing this phenomenon will settle the mind. What helps is sitting to meditate in a state of surrender. When you meditate, simply let go and enjoy. With this you will find the mind gradually coming to rest.

# Observe:

When sitting to meditate, simply observe the thoughts come and go, like passing clouds. It’s easy to want to hold onto a thought, mull on it. When you’re meditating, just let it go. The trick is to not get into a conversation with the thought. Tempting as it may be, let’s not think about whether it’s a really great idea or “How could I have just said that about my boss?” - even if it’s in my head! Let’s not label thoughts. Just observe.

# Practice Makes Perfect:

It maybe be easy…to find reasons not to meditation daily. Yet, don’t. It will turn out to be one of the best things you do for yourself. Just set the time aside as your ‘me’ time, your date with yourself. The practice of meditation will nurture you from inside to really be your best in everything that you choose to be. So just honor that commitment and time you’ve decided to put aside for meditation.

# A for Awareness:

During meditation, awareness about just one mantra could really help bring focus and ease into the practice. For the time you’re meditating, just remember: ‘I am nothing; I want nothing; I do nothing’. No lawyer, baker, sportsperson. No lists of what I need to buy next season. No cooking, cleaning, mailing and shopping. Just for the time of your meditation. The awareness of this one simple mantra will truly bring back the mind, every time it decides to go for a walk.

# It’s Truly Delicious:

We are what we eat. The adage, though clinched, is true. Food affects our thoughts. And the spicier the food, more busier is the traffic of thoughts. Usually. So making little changes in your lifestyle, food patterns will, over time, yield results. A little fasting will also cleanse the system and give it a break. You might even want to get a pulse reading done and find out more about your constitution.

There are many who have benefited with the Ayurvedic way of life – you might want to venture into the fascinating world of healing herbs and therapies. These don’t interfere with your current patterns of doing things. Yet complement what you do – with some stunning results.

# Time for a headstand:

If you’re really feeling restless, a little bit of yoga and pranayama would go a long, long way. You could do some warm ups or following some interesting sequences from The Sri Sri Yoga Studio. Yoga and breathing techniques help to remove the restlessness from the body-mind and get you ready for meditation. If you’re pressed for time, even ten minutes would help. And you could gradually build upto a more longer, challenging sequence.

If you are still looking for more methods to control the mind, register yourself for the next Art of Living Sahaj Samadhi course. The mantra meditation taught works like an eraser, cleaning our consciousness at various levels and dissolving any thoughts. Download & use the Sattva App on your phone and track your commitment towards your practice.

[yourtamaki]

i’m here

ushijima x f!reader

word count: 2k

warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, neglect, oral fixation, fingering, unprotected sex, creampie, cockwarming

you never knew what to tell your friends when they asked what wakatoshi was like as a boyfriend. everyone wanted to know how the stoic man acted around his significant other. does he melt when he sees you? they’d ask with hearts in their eyes. does he turn affectionate behind closed doors? you never understood their fascination or why they expected him to be a different person just for you. 

no, that was a lie. you don’t know why you expected him to be different. 

it was coming up on your second year with toshi and you’d been friends throughout your high school years. you knew what he was like before you’d bitten the bullet and asked him on a date. so you had no one but yourself to blame now as you lay alone in your bed that felt far too big, wracking sobs so powerful your whole body trembled from the force. 

a month. that’s how long it’d been since you last felt like toshi was a part of your life. you woke up alone, did the chores alone, made dinner alone and went to bed alone. his absence wasn’t the worst part, much to your surprise. it was the signs of disturbance around your shared home. a used plate in the sink. a new load in the laundry. signs that toshi was there, he just wasn’t there with you. it made you feel all the more empty. 

you didn’t know why your body decided tonight was the night to give out but once the first tears slid down your face, you were helpless to stop the tidal wave of stress and loneliness and utter sadness from escaping. your only solace was how good it felt to finally cry. to get these corrosive feelings out of your system instead of continuing to let them eat away at you the way you had for weeks. 

if only your cries were a bit quieter. maybe you would’ve heard the bedroom door creak open in time to wipe away your tears and feign sleep. 

for a moment, toshi just stared at you, drinking in the details of your face illuminated by the light from the hallway. 

“it’s late.” the deep timber of his voice made you oddly nostalgic. the two of you hadn’t exchanged more than a scarce handful of sentences during this period, all your communication being limited to dry texts. you’d never minded his texting habits, had even found it endearing once. but when the brief, one word answers became your only lifeline to toshi, how could you not feel as though you were only bothering him with every text sent?

when you didn’t respond, toshi carefully closed the door behind him. you didn’t need any light to know exactly what he was doing. he was nothing if not a creature of habit. you could picture him first placing his gym bag in your shared closet then methodically undressing. but instead of heading to the bathroom to get ready for bed, you felt the mattress dip as he sat next to you. 

“you’re crying. why?” he said. you had to stamp down on the urge to reply with sarcasm. if you’ve learned anything from the years you’d spent with toshi it's that he was genuine to a fault. if he was asking you what was wrong, it meant he truly didn’t know. you needed to spell out your feelings for him on more then one occasion but once you did, he would be more than understanding, going above and beyond to rectify the situation. so why did you feel so hesitant to open up now? he could sense your hesitance though he didn’t understand the cause for it, his hand reaching out to find yours in the dark. “i can’t help if you don’t tell me.” 

the dam broke, fresh tears streaming down your face. “toshi i miss you. i know you’re busy but it feels like we’re not even together anymore. i don’t hear from you, i don’t see you and i’m stuck in this house all day. i’m just— ‘m just lonely.” 

your voice trailed off in a whisper quickly swallowed by the silence of the room, only broken by your sniffles. toshi was still as you cried before leaning over to turn the bedside lamp on. the sudden light stung your eyes and when you adjusted, you could see him already gazing down at you. 

“i apologize, y/n.” he kissed the back of both your hands and brought them to his forehead, head bowed. “there is no excuse. my priorities should always include you and they haven’t as of late.”

“it’s ok. i understand you’re busy, toshi i just wish i could see you a little more.” he nodded, lifting his head and his eyes piercing yours.

“i will work to change my behaviour and become a boyfriend more deserving of your love.” 

just like that you remembered why you fell in love with him. others saw toshi as someone incapable of understanding emotions, an apathetic person with only volleyball on his mind. it couldn’t be further from the truth. it was true he had difficulty reading your emotions but as soon as you put them in plain terms, he was there for you in any way you needed. “thank you.” 

“that is for the future. but that doesn’t change that you feel hurt right now. is there anything i can do to ease your pain?” the look in his eyes told you no ask was too large, the single minded focus that made him one of the top volleyball players in the country was now directed solely on you. 

“i just want to be with you.” you crawled into his lap, his arms coming up to hug you close to him. 

“you’ve got me.” he murmured into your ear. “for as long as you’ll have me i’m yours. and i’m sorry i haven’t been here to tell you that.”  

“you’re here now.” 

“i am.” 

“toshi…” it has been so long since you were last in his arms you couldn’t help how needy it was making you, desperate to feel him as close to you as possible. 

“what is it, love?” instead of replying, you rolled your hips against his, kissing his neck. with only his briefs you could feel his bulge harden slightly with the pressure. “if that’s what you want.” 

he lifted you both up off the bed, turning and laying you down carefully. he helped you out of your clothes, leaving you in your plain cotton panties, bra already removed for bed. if you’d known you’d be sleeping with your boyfriend you would’ve worn sexier pieces but judging by toshi’s ravenous expression, it didn’t matter to him. you felt beautiful in his eyes. 

toshi kissed his way down, latching onto one nipple and rolling the other between his fingers before switching over, giving each the attention they deserved. he brought one hand to your face and said, 

“suck.” 

you sucked his fingers into your mouth, glad to finally have something to make you feel full. he watched you, mesmerized by how your lips looked stretched around his fingers. 

“do you know how beautiful you look right now? my y/n. always need something in your mouth, don’t you?” you hummed, mind going blank as all you could do was focus on the slightly salty taste as you licked his fingertips.

once toshi deemed them wet enough, he snaked his hand down into your panties, teasing your entrance before dipping inside. 

“you’re so wet. can you hear yourself?” you could, the wet squelch as he pumped his fingers inside you made your face heat up with embarrassment. it wasn’t your fault nothing came close to how toshi felt inside you. toys, your own hands, nothing compared to what you were feeling now, so stretched with only two of his fingers inside you. they curled inside you, pressing against that spot that had your legs quivering, gripping toshi’s forearm hard. 

“where do you want to cum first, my fingers or my cock?” 

“your cock please toshi wanna feel you.” you begged. a moment later, your panties were pulled off of you. toshi took off his briefs and knelt between your legs, his blunt tip resting over your pussy. he tapped it against your clit a few times, smiling softly at how you jumped at the contact before pushing in slowly, rocking back and forth until his entire length was inside you. 

you expected him to move but he kept still until your eyes met his. he took one of your hands and placed it over your lower stomach, covering it with his own large hand. 

“do you feel that?” he asked quietly. you could, there was a bump there from where toshi was buried inside you. “i’m here.” 

“i know.” 

“i’m here.” he repeated with more emphasis, head lowering until his forehead met yours. “and i’m never leaving you again. okay?” 

an overwhelming tidal wave of love came crashing in, choking you so all you could say was, “okay.” 

why did it take you so long to understand? what toshi didn’t say aloud, he said with his actions. the brush of your clit with his calloused thumb was an apology, the squeeze of your hip a reassurance. toshi spoke his reverence into your skin with every open mouthed kiss on your neck and his worship with each roll of his hip against yours. all you could do was lock your ankles around him and accept the torrent of love he poured into you. 

“kiss me toshi please ‘m gonna cum.” his lips crashed against yours and you were gone, creaming over his cock as it continued to piston in and out of you. 

“does that feel good, love?” he mumbled against your lips. you nodded frantically, still feeling the effects of your high. “tell me what you need.” 

“more please.” your voice came out a whisper. you didn’t care about the overstimulation of your poor cunt. you weren’t ready to let go of this moment, of knowing you have toshi here with you, safe in your own small world together. 

toshi gave you a tender kiss before pulling back. he gripped the back of your thighs and pinned your knees to your chest, your pussy gushing from the new position. his cock was pushing even deeper now, hitting a spot within you that made your tongue loll out at the pleasure. toshi was fucking into you at a brutal pace and you knew he was close by the small grunts he was letting out. 

“hold yourself open for me.” you did as he asked, flushing at how dirty you felt with your pussy so exposed. with his now free hand, toshi placed his fingers back in your mouth. your eyes widened as the taste of your own arousal exploded on your tongue. 

“do you like how you taste?” he asked. you sucked at his fingers greedily, licking them clean and he hummed, “i knew you would.” 

the pressure in your abdomen was steadily building with every pump of toshi’s cock. his fingers were keeping your moans muffled and he seemed to realize he was missing out. he pulled his hand back, small trails of saliva stringing out as he did. he slammed his hips into your as though he was trying to make up for all the sounds he had missed out on and you did not disappoint, babbling praise for the man fucking you senseless. 

“you’re close i can feel it. can you cum with me y/n? can you do that for me?” 

“yes fuck toshi i love you i wanna cum for you.” 

“go ahead, my love. let go.” you threw your head back as you let go and came for the second time, the erratic clenching of your walls pushing toshi over. you held each other through your highs, chests heaving together as you caught your breaths. when he tried to pull out, you tightened your legs around him. 

“stay?” you wanted this moment to last, to be with toshi, connected for as long as you could. he shifted until you were both laying on your side spooned together, careful to not pull out of you. 

“go to sleep, my love.” there were still things you both needed to work on in your relationship but you chose to embrace the peace that was sleeping with the arms of your boyfriend wrapped securely around you. 

[lovely-necromancy]

The Moon and The Stars Ch2

Pairings: Marc Spector/Reader, Steven Grant/Reader, Jake Lockley/Reader

Word count: 6128

Content: gn!reader, autistic!reader, autistic!Marc/Jake/Steven, magic, slowish burn, show and comic depicted DID

You were on your way to Steven's – well the system's flat, Layla had managed to give you a basic run down on the boys' condition. And the arrangement they'd formed, a system that shares and co-fronts a single body instead of mad grabs for control that end up with someone blacking out during high stress situations. It may have been a little insincere but you couldn't help but be fascinated with them and their situation, three separate individuals leading their lives through one body. You made a mental note to do a bit of research into dissociative identity disorder; all you could really remember from your psychology class back in high school was how confident your teacher had been saying it didn't really exist and was more of an ailment attention seekers made. That had always rubbed you the wrong way, if it wasn't a “real” condition as he'd put it then there wouldn't have been a need to name it. Just furthered your belief that people are so quick to shoot down what they don't understand.

After Steven had finished his shift he'd lead you through the streets of London back to his building. Along the way you'd been relaying the bits and pieces of information you gathered on the time traveler.

“Wait – sorry back up, how d'you know he's autistic?” Steven stops you mid sentence.

Layla looks over at Steven exasperated, “Seriously Steven, that's the part you're stuck on. Not the time traveling seven year old on the loose?”

“I mean it's just this is a very strange situation to be involved with yea, lot stranger than what we normally handle. Don't get me wrong 's a lot nice than them too but...just...it's all...and then you,” you're walking backwards as you look at both of them, using your force field to nudge any on coming pedestrians out of your way.

Steven's impressed by the complete nonchalance you exude – he hears Marc's bubbling paranoia over it, Jake silent like usual. It's Jake's silence that puts him at ease, ironically, as though the protector of the system being keen with this situation somehow makes it bearable, less bonkers. Though he wishes he could have your level of confidence in all this, being able to go with the flow so instinctively that he and Layla seem to be along for the ride.

“Your future self told you he's autistic but never mentioned a location.” he's got an adorable pout on his face as his eyes dart to Layla's then back to you, “'s a bit fishy, innit?”

You can only offer a shrug to the confused Brit, “They never said explicitly he was autistic, I honestly just assumed. Which let's be real, long run is better to anticipate dealing with an autistic time traveling seven year old so we don't accidentally overwhelm him and trigger him to jump to another time.”

“Ok, no you do have a point, but what're the odds he's actually autistic?”

You stop walking, “Bruh I flunked statistics, but I'm autistic and from an experience standpoint I only date neurodivergent people so chances are pretty high. Even if I'm the only parent who's autistic that's still a huge likely hood given genetics.”

“You're autistic? You don't...you carry yourself...” his words fall flat because he isn't sure what he's trying to say.

“I get what you mean, and ditto dude.” you nod before looking behind you and facing them again, “Soooooo am I still in leading us for some reason?”

“Oh right, sorry. This way then.” Steven rushes in front guiding you to his flat, properly this time, you wait for Layla to move before falling into step with her.

Once the three of you are up in Steven's flat you can relax a little – not having to worry about stray pedestrians hearing some off remark from you three.

Layla pushes one of Steven's stray chairs from beneath the window over to the area with two other chairs – and one very cluttered desk. As you watch her move you can't help but notice how overflowing the small studio was with books. Books were practically coming out of the walls, hell they may have been supporting the entire unit structurally at this point. Had it not been for the improper stacking of the books you would have thought it was a storage room for the library. But the books were all stacked horizontally, much higher than the nine inch guideline you live by, shelves were practically buckling under the weight of all the textbooks, novels, and guides. Seems the stand alone shelf in the middle of the room was a new installation to the space if it's sparse shelves and tilted books are anything to go by.

You'd ask if this man owned any bookends but figure by the sheer number of books that they'd be useless anyway.

Steven pulls you from your internal musings, turning your head slightly letting him know you're listening without having to directly face him.

“What else can you tell us about this time traveler. Do we have a name, a description, anything?”

It's a valid question, one you wish you had answers to; unfortunately you don't have any more insight than what you've already told them.

“Nuh uh, all the info I had on Layla was pretty sparse itself, took me a minute to even place she was in England. Not to mention there was no mention of you three.” you aren't really sure if you should mention the system as a whole or as an individual. But that's the least of your concerns right now, especially since they haven't mentioned how you address them.

There's no big cue to signal when the switch happened, nothing like Hollywood would have you believe. One moment you're talking to the sweet British gift shop worker and next you find yourself in an argument with a grizzled frustrated American.

“We don't even have any identifiers for this kid, how do you expect us yo find him?”

Hearing the rising tone you whisper sharply, “I figure I'll know him when I see him or he sees me or Layla he'll come right on out.”, hoping it'll lower his volume as well – it works the human brain is funny that way. Rewarding whisper with a whisper.

“What does that even mean?!” his hands come up in front of him to gesture as if he's holding an imaginary box in between them.

“It means he has to know us, trust me I work with kids and all it takes is for one familiar face to get them settled.” you give a calm down gesture with your hands.

Marc pinches the bridge of his nose, “To make this easier, can you at least contact yourself and get a name, a basic description?”

Marc is trying his best to be understanding, you're just really frustrating to work with. He feels like he's back at basic with guys who couldn't even understand the orders they were given.

Shaking you head you can only offer and apologetic smile, “Something's blocking the connection. And we don't need a name, like I said I'll know him when I see him...like seventy four percent sure.”

Yup, you're a dumbass.

“You have some type of description then, we could get police involved, have a search for a missing kid.” Layla chimed in.

“No, we really can't.” shaking your head again, “Think about it a time traveling kid. A defenseless seven year old. How many governments do you think would be after him, and let's not ignore the mutant factions who'd try to claim him. No one can know he's out here, they'll likely exploit his powers the second they get him – or worse torture him and dissect him to figure out how they work so they can manufacture some syrup to start passing out like candy. We think one traveler is bad, try self righteous bastards, or Hydra. The timeline would be fucking screwed.”

Both Marc and Layla share a look, it's clear to at least Layla that even the one time traveler has set the gods into a fit, the thought of any more unsettles her. While you gave little to the mission you at least brought  up the point neither of them would have thought of. It's a way to lock themselves back into the goose chase, finding the kid and getting everything back to normal was the only option. Everything else was just too much of a headache to even comprehend.

There was still a question she had about the whole thing, judging from the clenching of his fists Marc had it too.

“Why me?”

A thoughtful hum left you as you cleared some old mugs off Steven's desk and away from the books haphazardly strewn about – old forgotten tea and books were just asking for trouble.

“My guess is we're friends in the future, but it's most likely that you're a better witch than I am. So you'll be able to locate him in no time.” you say as if it's the most casual thing in the world while rinsing off mugs before setting them in the sink.

Marc is silent as his eyes dart from you to Layla, since you fist appeared you've just been spewing out wild nonsensical explanations – but calling Layla a witch, proclaiming to be one as well was by far the wildest thing he's ever heard.

“A what?”

Looking at the American you sent an apologetic grimace to Layla, “Op, sorry did they not know?”

Layla had to shake herself free from her own confusion before she could respond.

“Uh, no. Because I'm not a witch. Where'd you get that idea?”

Another look shared between the couple when a realization hit, did you know about Moon Knight and Scarlett Scarab?

Marc was on edge as your head tilts to the side, a small pout lining your lips. “If you aren't a witch why am I here?”

“That's what we want to know.” the scowl seems to be a permanent fixture on Marc's face.

Layla elbows her ex-husband, trying to get him to reign in his paranoia, at least be less hostile to the person calling themselves a witch in front of them. They have no idea what you're capable of, no sense in provoking you to show them when they have no divinity to help them out at the moment. Not to mention you're the only lead they have, and while you haven't been the most helpful she feels you've been genuine and gave up any and all information you knew to help.

“Well,” you sigh picking up your backpack, “things just got a lot more complicated. I've got to make a call and see if I can't get any more information.” when you reach for the door Marc is quick to keep it shut, boxing you in between him and the wall.

“You said something was blocking the connection, why would you suddenly be able to reach them now?” he doesn't need to say 'you aren't leaving my sight', you hear him loud and clear, so does Layla.

“Marc!” she at least makes a weak attempt to scold him but you can tell she shares his sentiment.

You spin to face him and look directly into his dark eyes.

“Look, I have awful social skills ad a monotone voice. Despite that I genuinely just want to get back to my level of normal, to do that I have to find this kid ok? I don't know why specifically Layla was pointed out to me if she wasn't a witch but now that means I need to ask a higher power for help. I really doubt you want me giving just anyone a free pass to trash your apartment.”

The hand keeping the door closed recedes; being so close to the body you can feel the shift in energy. Marc isn't in front of you anymore, neither is Steven. There's a slight warmth in those brown eyes now, not as light as when Steven held them and not as harsh as when Marc glared at you.

“You're right, we don't want that. You've got thirty minutes to make your call. Alley out back is low traffic, you won't get interrupted.” there's a hint of a threat in there, a predator just asking for you to give chase.

You nod “I'll buzz when I'm downstairs.” and with that you leave the flat.

Jake waits by the door and listens to the sounds of your footsteps growing distant. He waits until he hears the elevator open, close, and clunkily move down the shaft before he heads to the fridge and gets himself one of the beers he's stashed behind some of Marc's. He can feel Layla's eyes on him the entire way from the front door all the way to when he plops down in the chair she set in the “living room”.

“I asked, he can't find them. If they can get a better connection than the god of time fucking let them, be doin' us a favor.” the apartment falls silent as Jake sips his beer.

It was a kindness that he gave you thirty five minutes instead.

In the alley you were working quickly to set up a small summoning circle. Clearing away the debris and trash loitering the alley, even going so far as to bring out a small handheld dust pan from your bag to clean up the dirt from the pavement. Disposing the dust in one of the bins nearby you return to your work station; setting about the crystals and candles around you in a circle, bringing out the offering dish you realize you hadn't thought to bring a cup when you'd packed. Oh, well you've only been given thirty minutes and you weren't going to waster them on stressing over a cup – besides wine came in a glass bottle so that had to count for something. Placing the wrap on the dish and setting the wine beside it you lit the candles.

With everything in place you settle into the center of the circle; hands on your knees and eyes closed you begin to meditate. It never takes long for the fuzzy sensation of floating to take over, your feet somehow feeling as though they are flying over head and detached from your body despite the fact that they are tucked under you. The warmth from the candles fade around you, at some point the light stops dancing behind your eye lids, a harsh wind blows over you.

Eyes shooting open you're greeted with the dark and desolate space of the void. The inky black essence breathing, alive as it ungulates all around you – a movement you can see the presence of motion from but not any solid mass to discern it's pattern. You call it breathing though -easier to describe, and it's the only thing that fits this space.

“Hello?” you half expected an echo effect, the distortion ended up more like the pressure you'd feel if you tried to speak and listen to it under water.

“I'd like to speak to the god of time, Lord Khonshu. If he's available...” how does one call up a god?

Despite your lack of experience your projection does the trick, it's only a moment of waiting before you're staring face to beak with said god.

“Hmmmm, it's been some time since a witch has been so bold as to call on me by name.” he leans back to inspect you.

Walks around you giving himself a small idea of who's just petitioned him. He stops back where he started once again staring down at you.

“Would you like to continue your petition or shall I let you know that I am unfortunately very aware of the your little traveler.” His talons tap on his staff in agitation.

His attitude doesn't get to you, you used to be diner pals with Loki. The Norse god had often disguised himself and messed with you for being able to correctly identify him each time he was at the diner, you never got the chance to tell him it was purely his order that gave him away. You didn't see many other people order a ham and egg croissant with ketchup.

“Oh, well guess this makes things simple huh?” it's an awkward pause for you, the god before you is not amused, “I wanted to ask if you could help locate him?”

“Of course you do.” you're given the impression that he's just rolled his eyes at you even without eyeballs. Weird.

In the next moment he's in your face.

“What do you think I've been busy doing? I haven't been able to pin point the anomaly and couldn't fathom why...until you called for my aid. Now, witch, do you know why that may be?”

You look to the right, like someone would even be there to help you out with this, before looking back to the skull headed god.

“Be....cause he's from ...the future...?” you say unsure.

Khonshu stands to his full height and rubs his temples – his skull? Was a temple a muscle?

He mutters something that sounds an awful lot like 'incompetent mortals' and 'how was this the species that made it this far' a few odd swears following after. The god composes himself before tapping his staff on the air, causing a ripple of force that pushes you back onto your butt as he stride over to your fallen form.

“It would appear the child has a cloak around them. I wonder who's done that... ah ah ah that was rhetorical don't you dare try to answer it.” his tone is dripping with accusation and venom. He knew the answer to all of his frustrations the moment he took your call, now you just needed to undo your work so he could get on with his.

You frown, it's deep and scrunches up your nose as you spit back, “Of course he's cloaked. He's a time traveler. I'm not about to let someone find him and use his powers.”

“And if you don't break the cloak I can not locate him. We risk him falling into someone's grasp still.” the bite is far from gone in his tone, though it's nearly drowned in urgency instead.

“You have no guarantee that someone isn't already nearby and waiting for him. You may not get there in time once it's dropped. Not to mention, even if I tried, I” you stress the pronoun, “didn't make it. It's probably out of my control to break.”

Khonshu heaves a sigh as he straightens out his posture, crossing his arms giving you a look of disdain.

“You humans were too simple minded for magic. The abilities reside in you, they always have and always will. They aren't obtained over the years, you simply were born with it”

You roll your eyes and huff, “So I'm perfectly proficient in magic then?”

“Do not get smart with me witchling.” it isn't lost on you that he's referring to your skill level. “Your sass will be your undoing.” Khonshu threatens.

“Well it's not fair for you to just assume that I know what the hell I'm doing, it's not like I've had someone guiding me through any of this.”

“And yet you called me on your first try. You mortals are limited only by the doubts you've placed within yourselves. We may be able to come to...an understanding of sorts. I am protector of travelers and you offer protective magic. As it stands you are containing it; attempting to tame it. Sooner or later it'll need to expand from those confines – the moment it does I expect your pathetic vessel will pop like a grape in the desert heat.”

It catches you off guard the soft tone in his voice, this meeting hadn't been entirely hostile but it's giving off the energy of an older sibling arguing over the chore list with you before mom gets home. His warning does not go unheard.

“So...I what, offer you protection and you guide me through releasing that energy?”

He gives a small puff of air, you could easily confuse it for laughter, it came out more of a 'caw' sound, “I require no protection, least not from you, little witch. I do have an avatar that is lacking my protection; keep watch over him for now in my absence. But, yes I can aid you with coexisting with you magic.”

This is all giving you a huge headache. Marc thought you were talking in circles, he'd absolutely loose it during this conversation.

Waving him off with an open palm you move the topic along.

“Ok, ok. Now what can I do to get your help in getting this child back home?”

“I believe I have been more than clear that you are to remove your cloaking magic. Once I locate him I can send him back.” he says briskly towering over you once again; whatever soft moment you had apparently over.

His intimidation tactics won't work on you, and you just pouting won't get you any where.

“Let me rephrase the equation then, we have a child from the future running around because he came here on accident through use of his own gifts. If we want to prevent any future traveling accidents we should attempt to help him figure out how to go back on his own. So he can-”

“Yes, yes,” he snaps interrupting you, “so he can then rectify any further mishaps on his part. I am not one of your little charges witch, fix your tone when speaking to me.”

“And you are not the first god I've dealt with, you certainly are turning into the rudest.” you're matching his energy at this point, it might not be the smartest move but this void amplifies everything it takes in, emotions included.

“Your child has run a muck through time, and you are too stubborn to let me fix it and get things back into their natural order.”

“With a gift like his it should automatically constitute as being within the realm of natural order. And we really should be focusing on teaching him to fix his own mistakes. How else will he learn not to run a muck through your domain? No one needs a repeat of the battle on Titan.”

While his skull can't emote in a similar way to a human face you understand the expression. A sneer at the bitter reminder, one that relaxes with a harsh and forceful breath.

“It would seem...we have a common enough goal in mind, witchling.” he addresses you with a nod, righting himself again, “You find that little traveler of yours and I shall help to guide him to his rightful time.”

You weren't sure what to do exactly, this was your first petitioning of a god – so long as asking Loki not to pour ketchup all over your breakfast didn't count. But by the rules you'd looked up prior Khonshu had just established the terms of the petition, ones you agreed to. For formality's sake you nod and give a small bow.

The god huffs in amusement, “You'll have much to learn, for now we don't have the luxury to teach you. The effort – albeit minimal is appreciated.”

Looking up you eye the god warily, “You say that like we'll be working together often.”

“You carry term and raise a time traveler in the future, did you expect I won't be present?”

He's a sassy bird.

The words fall from your lips before you can register them, “You're very sassy for a god.”

“And you are very bold for such a little witch.” As rocky as this meeting had started it ended on a good note, if the humor in his the was anything for you to judge.

You make to look around and find your exit when your chin is forcibly grabbed. Khonshu leers at something on your face as he moves it all around eyes piercing one spot, like he's looking through you. “Seems your child is the least of my concerns, tell me did you know you reek of anomalies?” He doesn't care what you have to say, whatever it is he sees tells him everything he needs to know as he continues on without letting you speak, “From now on you're under my protection as well. Let's try and keep your travel limited.”

“That's been the plan since I got here.”

He lashes out at your vitriol, “Yes, and how many times was it the plan before now?” there's a brief moment of pity when you flinch at his words. He's right and you both know it; the pity is gone as soon as it came, he drops your face as if it burned him.

Looks like there isn't any time to waster in finding the time traveler.

“Take us to the idiots, the sooner we collect them the sooner the other gods stop prodding me for explanations.”

You assume he means to end the summoning and get you back in the mortal plane. Though the comment about idiots gets stuck in your head and you're left picturing Layla and the system despite your best efforts to empty your mind and ground yourself. Soon you're thinking about the absolute chaos that is Steven's apartment as Khonshu continues speaking to you instructing you on how to proceed with getting out. Weirdly a rush of cold air passes over you, and although you were so unfocused you find your self back from the void.

It's disorienting coming back from the inky black of the void. There's light, color, and sounds coming from all around; it's scary how not hearing the pulse of humming electricity moving in the walls can unsettle you. The real disorienting factor is that you aren't in the alley anymore, whipping your head around you see you're back in Steven's apartment. All the stimulation has your head reeling and unable to process what's going on.

First glance told you you were alone in the apartment, until you see the hulking figure of Khonshu sneering at the fish tank. Seeing his size and floating bird skull of a head in the context of the real world is very jarring and just overwhelms you more. Everything looks small in comparison to him, in the void you didn't have a frame of reference for his size or the difference between you as you were kept near eye to eye for much of the encounter. On this plane he was nearly twice your height, and very imposing to look at.

You could barely make out the drumming of footsteps in the hall paired with muffled voices before keys fit into the lock. Jake and Layla had gone out looking for you after those thirty five minutes only to turn up with an empty alleyway and your backpack. They'd been out for nearly two hours before Marc said they needed to head to the apartment and plan their next moves, he'd seen your passport and had the idea to go to Hell's Kitchen to see if they could figure out anything more about you or find another lead to this time travel case.

As they get into the apartment they stop in the door way to see you dizzy and sitting on the floor, at least that's the part Layla hones in on as she makes her way to you, cautiously.

“There you are, where'd you go? We've been looking all over for you.” she kneeled down to your prone form and tried to steady your tremors.

“Layla get them outside, they look like they could use some air.” Marc's eyes were set hard on Khonshu standing just away from you two.

The bird bristles at the impertinence, “Oh the little witch will be fine. They came searching for my aid, as this matter falls to my dominion.”

“Wait they called you, you called Khonshu seriously?” Marc switches his focus back to you who is starting to look a little more lively than before.

“If you'd said this was your contact I'd have told you he knew nothing.”

“You wouldn't have told them anything imbecile. You don't even trust them.”

Layla wants to tell the two to quit bickering because you look like you're about to pass out. But you beat her to the punch when you ask if Marc's the witch.

Khonshu's gaze peels off his avatar so he can focus on you, “Don't fret little witch, these four are merely avatars. No real power without help of the gods who lent them theirs. We'll go more in depth with your studies once this debacle is put to rest.” He focuses again on Marc, “They've agreed to aid in protecting you in my absence. As my Moon Knight I expect you to get moving soon.”

His posture is rigid and stiff as he asks the god, “Where are we going?”

You nod as best you can, there hadn't been any progress in finding the kid or pinpointing his location.

An unamused expression radiates from his features as Khonshu looks down to you specifically, “It seems you're just as brainless as me avatar. Witchling, time travel effects the when, not the where. So, given the nature of your relationship...where would our little traveler be?”

You hadn't thought of it like that, but now that he has it seemed so obvious even in your overstimulated state.

The answer was obvious and the weight hit you like a train.

“Fuck he's in Manhattan!”

Marc having watched the exchange couldn't help but feel this was one of Khonshu's set ups, everything was going too well and in the god's favor. “Good you know where he is, you'll be able to find him by yourself, get Khonshu to send him back. Layla and I can take you airport, have a nice trip.”

“Marc Spector, you will be accompanying the witchling on the endeavor, as I said I'm entrusting my Moon Knight to oversee any obstacles that may impede the witch. You aren't entirely useless without my aid are you?”

You look to Layla who's watching everything with a furrowed brow, she hasn't said anything so this may be a normal occurrence between the two.

“What if you just came with me?” you had only meant to ask the woman but drew the other's attention.

“Absolutely not!” you flinch at the raise in Marc's tone.

“The Scarlet Scarab falls under Taweret's divinity, while she's welcome to join your company – it's my knight that needs to go.”

“I don't see why, it seems you've got an excellent candidate for an avatar right there.” he motions for you.

Khonshu is clearly done with the argument when he summons his staff and slams it down onto the apartment floor much like he did in the void, only this time no one gets blown backwards. You notice Marc's body relaxes a bit from the strict and rigid stance he held.

“Jake, see to it the witchling finds the little time miscreant and makes sure nothing gets in the way of sending him back where he came from.” the man nods to the god.

Khonshu turns to you, “Should my knight be inaccessible for the duration of your endeavor call upon me directly.” you shakily nod, feeling sick in a new context after having watched an alter get bullied out.

The trip to the airport was silent. It seemed Jake didn't talk much and Layla was busy getting three tickets to Manhattan. By some fortune from the gods, probably Khonshu, you did get the tickets for the next flight, seats next to each other too. Layla and Jake waited for you while your carry on got checked and once you regrouped you settled on an action plan.

Which was a better way to say hit up anything in Manhattan that you thought a seven year old with total control might like.

“You really think a seven year old boy would willingly go to the library?” Layla laughed without humor as you wrote it down in a small note book.

Looking up you gave a smile, “Yea, I mean he's my son and my entire job is based around making the library and reading fun for kids. It's probably a second home to him.”

“Mhmm, and the museums?”

“Steven liked museums as a kid.” Jake says looking at the options for the in flight movie.

He didn't add much, and you noticed Layla didn't do much to acknowledge the fact either. But you still stared the museums on your list. Not catching the glance Jake spared down at your notes.

“But really, New York has LEGO stores and the Pokemon Center, you really think a kid's going to choose these...educational,”

“Go ahead say boring, you were going to.” you tease.

She gives a smirk, “these boring places over the others?”

“Hey, I put Coney Island on here too.” it's strange trying to lift the mood up with strangers you've just met, strangers forced to interact with you at behest of a god.

“Put Yankee Stadium on there.”

With all seriousness you turn to the man on your left, “Absolutely the fuck not.”

He raises a brow, “You got the Brox Museum of Art, Stadium's right across, why not?”

“Because no child of mine would be caught dead in Yankee Stadium.”

He clicks his tongue at you, “You a fuckin' Mets fan.”

You close the book and stare at him before your hand motions glide in front and then you bring the gestured hand upturned to your chest, “Do I look like a Mets fan? No, the answer's no.” Shaking you head you straighten up your posture, “I have no baseball affiliation, love the sport but love making fun of the fan base so much more.”

“How's that work, liking a sport with no team?”

“Easy, if I'm invited to a game or catch it on TV I just chose who I'm rooting for, after a while you like start osmosising information about player. I think it's got a lot to do with World Cup years and each footie team being different every four years so I had to learn a lot in a short amount of time.”

“Ah, soccer's your sport?” you nod to him, “Got a team for that?”

“Manchester.” you say easily, and he snorts.

When you cut your eyes at him, “Steven's gonna say somethin' next time he sees you.”

“Fuck off I'm not takin' shit from a man who's team is Arsenal.” that gets Jake's attention and all his focus is on you. A chill runs down your spine and you feel trapped by the door again.

Layla asks the question that breaks his stare down, “How'd you know Steven's favorite team?”

“He just had that look about him, honestly didn't seem the Chelsea type.”

Jake having picked out his movie just rolled the interaction off and made a grab for his headphones, “He's more of a cricket fan anyway.” before you can question it he slides the headphones over his ears.

You look back over to Layla assuming that'd been the end of the conversation, “Don't mind Jake he...he can just be that way.” she's being honest but also seems uncertain on that fact.

You nod, you understand that this situation wasn't something either of them had signed up for.

She looks past you, over to Jake eyes glaring at the scene playing out on the monitor, sighing she leans back in her chair.

“You really have no idea why your future self told you to find me?”

“I have a hunch it's because we're best friends, so of course having Auntie Layla help search for missing son makes sense, no matter timeline.”

She hums in response.

“Job doesn't leave much time for a personal life.”

It's your turn to hum, “Yea, I have a few other...first responders as friends so trust me, I understand.”

“Nice way of putting it,” she laughs, and the energies start to feel lighter again.

Looking over you catch a familiar scene on the screen in front of Jake.

“Are you watching Twilight?”

You hadn't said it that loudly but Jake still heard and his brow furrowed harder, if that was even possible.

“Yea, and it's awful.”

Layla in a better mood can't help the teasing lit in her voice, “You can always turn it off.”

But Jake just shakes his head, “It's like a train wreck.”

You and Layla share a look before giggling to yourselves and leaving Jake to his movie. You have a feeling you'll hear all about it later.