#I’m non-binary myself which means I get to use this week against my friend group

[ender-cloud]

Happy Non binary awareness week!

[emeritus-fuckers]

Hello, congrats on 1000 followers, that is huge! This is my submission to the match-up event. I’ll number the answers to each question.

1. I’m transmasc (we could get into the weeds of it all, non-binary, genderfluid, yada yada but that’s the gist of it), use he/they pronouns and I’m bisexual.

2. I’d like to be matched up with a Papa preferably, although a Ghoul would also be cool if you decide it’s my best fit.

3. I’m 5’4, I’ve lost a bit of weight recently so I’m pretty slim but not skinny, my thighs and arms are pretty big still. I’ve also got a bit of muscle showing, but again, not a bunch (I am working on it though). Most of my life I’ve been the chubby one in the friend group so this is new to me. Besides that, I have an hourglass figure (that I hide under baggy clothes) and, unfortunately for me, a very large chest that a binder does little to conceal. I have brown hair that’s wavy (2C), short on the sides and back and longer on top (comes down to my top lip if I stretch it out in front of my face), parted on the side. I also have brown eyes, I’m white (fairly pale), have freckles on my cheeks, nose and arms and a decent amount of moles all over my body. I wear glasses, I have three earlobe piercings in one ear and one in the other that I’m stretching. I dress in a sort of skater-y style, big pants, vans, oversized band T-shirts, hoodies, jean jackets, funky button-ups if I’m being fancy.

4. I think I’m a friendly person but generally pretty shy and I don’t get out much. Right now I’m writing my BA thesis (studying English) after extending my studies which means I finished all of my classes already, so I really spend way too much time at home. I could probably use someone who would help me to go out more but also respect when I have to stay in and recharge since I lean towards introversion (but only slightly). I’m also kind of a perfectionist which causes me to either put way too much effort into something or, paradoxically, way too little because then I can detach myself from it, telling myself that I didn’t try at all so I don’t feel like it matters.

5. I am very on-again off-again with video games (I could spend a year not playing any but then the next few months playing for hours every day) and I prefer narrative-led games. I watch board game playthroughs a lot and over the last year I bought quite a few board games. I like to watch horror movies but I’ve only been to the movie theater a few times since COVID started. I mostly listen to metal lately but there’s very few genres of music that I wouldn’t listen to, only one coming to mind is EDM. I like to sing a lot. I work out almost every day (ideally 6 times a week but it sometimes ends up being 4 or 5), it’s calisthenics and flexibility because I can do it with only a few cheap pieces of equipment alone at home and the gym scares me + it’s expensive. I also write fanfiction which this fandom inspired me to do and I’m very new to it but enjoy it a lot.

6. I’m 23, I live alone, I have two cats that are brother and sister. I was an only child until my dad had another kid in his second marriage but that happened when I was 16 so I don’t really count it since I didn’t grow up with siblings (my brother feels more like a nephew to me). I don’t think I want to be monogamous, because I don’t think I belong to anyone or anyone belongs to me, it’s just too restrictive and boring to me (although if someone I really cared about wanted to be 100% monogamous, I would probably agree to it). My favorite season is spring. I love most animals, especially reptiles, I used to be scared of spiders (I think from the stigma against them) but now I love to see them in my home and let them stay. But I’m absolutely terrified of the ocean and the creatures that live in it.

I am so sorry that this is so long but I tend to ramble and overshare when talking about myself. If this is too long, feel free to ignore.

This post is part of the 1000 followers match up event. Entries for the event are now closed.

Your match is…Papa Emeritus III

He loves stealing… I mean borrowing your clothes . As much as he enjoys his fancy outfits he adores putting on one of your hoodies and curling up on the couch. Preferably with you in his arms. It helps him unwind after a hard day at work.

He will come and keep you comapny while you exercise, he wants to support you and he often joins in. There will also be quite a lot of flirtatious glances from him.

One time he says "I can think of a much better way for us to work out together caro. hmm? You would like that no?" you cannot miss the sultry tone of his voice and the look he gives you as he draws you to him.

He is really supportive/understanding of your perfectionsim. Despite his playful front he does understand a need to do things to a high standard. He gets like that over his music. So he tries to help you balance it out.

If you are working on your thesis, he sometimes needs telling to just let you work. He loves being there for moral support and he is surpirsingly helpful and knowledgeable. But he gets a little distracted sometimes and just kinda goes off on one. So when you do say that you just need some peace and quiet to think he just pouts at you. Then after a moment he'll nod in understanding, give you a kiss and leave you to it. He will also bring you plenty of your favourite drink to keep you going.

He will definitely encourage you to go out more. He loves going out with you and you both always have a lot of fun. He can also spot when you need to recharge and he plans a cozy night in with a film or something.

He is chill about not being monogamous. It works well for him too and he has similar views to you. He values very highly the emotional connection you two share and he only has that with you. It means the world to him.

~

Written by Nyx

[reidgraygubler]

caught in the nets (spencer reid/reader)

Title: caught in the nets

Requested: no

Couple: spencer reid/fem!reader

Category: smut, fluff

Content Warning: SEXUAL CONTENT (penetrive sex, unsafe sex, public sex (public bathroom), fingering, handjob, grinding, groping, heavy petting, fucking with fishnets on, tipsy sex, possessive), hand on jaw/neck (no pressure), swearing, drinking, mentions of a gun, mentions of casework, friends to lovers

Word Count: 3,944

Summary: Spencer loves what reader is wearing while out at a bar with the team

A/N: hi guys, gals, and non-binary pals! Here’s another thing i wrote. this is another thing I was super excited to write. AND I wrote it for one of my bestest friends @spencer-reid-in-a-pool for pom’s server fic swap. I wrote it in literally two days bc I had a week to write it. But it does have a prompt and a few other things she likes in it! also quick shout out to @newportonmymind for proofreading this!! i really appreciate you! I really hope you guys enjoy this piece! Thank you all so much for the love and support! I appreciate it and you! Check out my masterlist!

{***}{***}{***}

Rough cases will always be the worst. Sometimes they felt hopeless, like we weren’t able to figure out how to save a victim. In the end we were able to save the victim and arrest the unsub. But it was still rough.

So drinks were a must when it came to the end of rough cases. I know it’s a bad thing to turn to drinking in a rough time. But sometimes nothing helped more than a drink. It was easier to relax with a little liquor in your system. Well, it was easier for me to relax with a little liquor. I couldn’t say about the rest of the team.

I was the one who offered up the idea of going to a bar when we returned home. I just needed a little something to help me unwind. Luke, Penelope and Tara were the next to say they’d be coming. After some light convincing, Emily, JJ, and Matt agreed. David was quick to leave before we could get to him about it.

Which left Spencer. At first he put up a fight, arguing that he had to go home. Home to what? We have the same situation. Eventually Penelope wore him down and got him to go.

“Okay, I’ll meet you guys there. I need to change out of these clothes.” I looked down at the business attire I had worn on the plane. I really wished I had changed out of them too, and into something more comfortable.

“Sounds good, Sweetness! See you in a bit.” Penelope looked at me with a smile. I returned the smile before collecting my things from my desk, and leaving.

Part of me wanted to wear a sweatshirt and sweatpants. But I also wanted to wear jeans and a tee-shirt, just to be comfortable. I also wanted to wear something more… party like. Mostly because we’re going to a bar, where there were going to be lots of people. Mmm…

I went with the latter. My outfit ended up consisting of a plain black top, paired with short-shorts and a “comfortable” pair of heels. Under the shorts I wore one of my favorite clothing items, a pair of black fishnets. They were one of my favorite things because I always gained the attention of someone. And I usually enjoyed that attention. I just don’t know whose attention I wanted.

Once I was satisfied with how I looked, I grabbed my bag and left for the bar. I was the first to leave the BAU, but the last to show up to the bar. Even Spencer was there before me, which was a rarity.

“Hey sorry I’m late. Traffic was nuts… And I just wanted to look nice,” I laughed nervously as I looked down before sitting beside Penelope. Everyone’s eyes were on me, and I tried to avoid the feeling of the stares. At first I tried to not be self-conscious, after all I was the one who wanted to dress a little more… sexy and get the attention of others.

“What are you wearing?” Luke asked after he took a sip of his beer. I looked down at my attire and shrugged.

“Wanted someone’s attention. Figured I’d get it here.” I gestured around the room towards the many groups of people. “Already got yours, Lukey-poo,” I cooed as I looked at him. He looked back at me with a weird look in his eyes. “Where’s Spence?”

“He went to get a drink.” JJ nodded towards the bar before sipping her drink. I looked over my shoulder and towards the bar. My eyes quickly identified the lanky and awkward body of Spencer standing beside the bar as he waited for a drink.

“Has the bartender been flirting with him the whole time?” I looked back at the team with wide eyes. Tara looked over at JJ with a smug smile before nodding. “No ones gonna save him?” “Figured we’d give him a try first.” Matt shrugged as he looked back at me. I let out a mildly annoyed sigh before standing up.

“Where are you going?” Emily asked as she looked at me. I smiled as her eyes very slowly lingered down my body. There was an obvious struggle, and I liked that. I was definitely getting the attention I craved tonight. Even though it’s from my superior.

“Gonna go save boy wonder from inevitable embarrassment that he will probably succumb to.” I rested my hand on the table as I looked at the team. JJ and Emily shared a knowing glance. “And I’m getting myself a drink.” I shrugged before shoving my hands in my small pockets and walked towards the bar and Spencer.

“Hey Spence!” I exclaimed as I looked at him. He looked away from the bartender and smiled. His smile, however, quickly melted away and a hungry look took over his eyes.

“H-hey,” he mumbled before looking back at the bartender. She looked between me and Spencer before muttering a few profanities and walking away. I smirked before taking the space up beside Spencer.

“You seeing something you like, Reid?” I asked as soon as I noticed him staring at me again. I leaned over the bar beside him and smiled.

“I.. Uh, I…” He cleared his throat before looking away from me and down at the counter. Well, maybe I did know whose attention I wanted…

“Anyways, I’ve come to save you.”

“Save me?”

“The bartender…” I whispered before nodding in her direction. Spencer looked down at her and we both caught her looking between us before dropping her gaze.

“The bartender?”

“Just get your drink and come on,” I laughed before standing up and away from the counter. Spencer looked back at me with a raised eyebrow. He was obviously confused as to what I was talking about. But I’ll honestly save him the embarrassment. “Oh, wait. I want a drink too!” I exclaimed as I leaned over the counter.

Once we both had our drinks, I silently led him back to the table. I enjoyed the feeling of people’s eyes on me as I walked by them. I could even sense Spencer staring at me. To be fair, my shorts were a little on the shorter side…

Maybe the attention I was getting was from the person I wanted it from the most…

Spencer and I returned to the table, and we were quick to join into whatever conversation they were having. The entertaining stories that Matt told about his kids made everyone go into a fit of laughter.

The laughter only grew the more drinks that everyone had consumed. We weren’t exactly drunk, well some of us weren’t drunk. But when someone in the bar orders a round of drinks for the table, it’s hard to say no.

JJ, Spencer and Matt were the only ‘mostly sober’ ones. Followed by Tara and me being tipsy, but sober enough to know what was happening. Penelope, Luke and Emily had enough to drink and had left the table to go dance with each other and random people in the bar.

“I wanna dance,” I muttered as I looked down at the table. Matt cleared his throat, causing me to look up at him. He was nodding a Spencer, who was looking around the room at all the other people. A small smile grew across my lips before I jumped from my seat. Spencer and JJ both looked at me with shock on their faces.

I looked right at Spencer and smiled. “You.” I pointed at him. “Me.” Then I pointed at myself. “We’re dancing,” I spoke as I jerked my thumb behind me. Spencer’s face fell slightly as he watched me walk to stand in front of him. I smiled as his eyes lingered on my body for a brief moment before landing on my face. “Come on. Let’s leave mom and dad alone.” I lifted a hand for him to take. He looked at it for a moment before hesitantly placing his hand into mine.

Once he stood, I dragged him over to the dance floor, where we both stood still. I didn’t know what was going through his head, but I wished I did. His body wasn’t tense, in fact I could tell he liked that I was being daring and the close proximity I was in.

We, and by we I mean me, hardly danced. It was mostly just me. And my dance moves consisted of me grinding on him. Which seemed to rile him up enough to entertain me. I enjoyed it more when he rested his hands on my hips and held me in front of him.

I looked around the room at all the people, watching as they continued dancing with their friends and people. Then I looked back at Spencer before grabbing his hand. His once hazel eyes were blown out black and a look of hunger and lust was settled in them. He looked like he knew what he wanted, and he was about to do anything in his power to get it too.

I looked away from him and around the room, again, looking for a familiar face. It wasn’t that I needed someone to save me from this moment. No. I needed to make sure none of our friends saw what I was about to do next.

I turned to face Spencer again and pressed my chest to his. He placed his hands on my hips and pulled them flush against his. The breath was knocked from my lungs when I felt how hard he was through his slacks and my shorts.

I grabbed his wrist and turned away from him before dragging him out of the bar and towards the bathrooms. He didn’t say anything when I pulled him into the women’s bathroom and into a stall. I’ll forever be grateful for that too because I don’t know where else we would go to.

I pulled him into a stall and locked it before pushing him against the door. His lips quickly attached to mine, and before I knew it his teeth grazed across my lower lip. And just like before, when we were out in the bar, his hands fell back to my hips and he pulled me against him. He rolled his hips to mine, pressing his bulge into my body.

“I can’t believe you,” Spencer groaned against my mouth. I looked up at him and smirked. “Why’s that? What makes me so unbelievable?” I whispered as I pressed a hand to his front. Spencer’s body froze and a hiss came from his lips.

“You coming to this bar, dressed like that, acting like you own the place,” his voice was low as he spoke. I smiled before I looked for his belt. “Acting like you aren’t arousing every man-- and woman-- here. That’s right, I saw the way Emily looked at you,” he continued as he looked at me.

“I just wanted attention from someone. But I’m sure happy that it’s your attention that I’m getting, Spencer,” I whispered before I pressed my hips against his.

“Well… I don’t think you’ll be getting attention from anyone else other than mine from now on.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’re mine now, Sweetness,” he mildly mocked the pet name Penelope had given me earlier today. I stared at him, my breathing growing shallow. “And no one else’s.” Goosebumps grew like fire across my skin once I realized the honesty and reality of his words. Or, well, I should say his possessiveness. At first I wasn’t sure if I wanted or believed what he said, but a moment passed and I realized… I wanted it so bad.

We both fell into a silent stare down. My hands, however, kept busy as they looked for his belt. But then a smirk grew across my lips the second I realized he still had a hard on waiting for me.

I was quick as I tried undoing his belt buckle, hoping he wouldn’t notice. But he obviously did when I began struggling and fumbling for a moment.

“Is that a gun or are you just happy to see me, Reid?” I whispered as I carefully slipped my hand into his pants and briefs. My question was otherwise rhetorical. I knew for a fact it was a gun. But I also knew it wasn’t a gun.

Spencer took a deep breath of air once my hand was wrapped around his length. I smiled as I slowly moved my hand back and forth, gently applying pressure.

“It’s a gun,” Spencer returned, keeping his voice low, “But I’m more than happy to see you. Trust me.” I could tell he was trying to be sly with his words. Because when he started talking his voice was deep and a little rough, but as he continued on talking, they got a little shaky and a little bit higher. I wanted to mock him, but I knew better than to do that.

“Oh… I do,” I whispered as I quickened my pace. My lips were hovering over his. His breath fanned across my face, and I could just barely smell the gin and tonic he had drank earlier.

My heart was beating hard in my chest because I was about to fuck my co-worker in the bathroom at fucking bar. I wondered if his was doing the same thing. I wondered if his thought process was the same as mine too.

I also wondered if he felt the same way. Maybe I’ve always wanted the attention from Spencer. He was right there, and always has been, and always will be. Plus we’ve known each other for years. So what’s the harm? Maybe he felt the same?

The grip Spencer held on my hips started to tighten as I continued to stroke his length. I could feel his tension growing the longer I went. My lips slowly curled at the corners as I realized how much I was going to enjoy this.

Then it happened. Spencer flipped our positions so I was pressed against the door. Both of my wrists were in one of his hands, held above my head. His other hand was already messing with the button of my shorts.

“You think you’re the only one who can do that, Sweetness,” he whispered before pressing his lips to my neck. It was his turn to grind his hips against mine, easily taking my breath away again.

“Spence…” I gasped once his hand was finally down the front of my shorts. I tried hard to pull my hands from his hand, but his grip only tightened.

“See, two can play at this game,” he spoke softly as he swiped a finger up my slit. I bit my lips together as he gently moved his finger around the sensitive nub between my thighs. “But unlike you I’m going to let you finish.”

“I was go-oh…” I whimpered as my knees buckled down causing my hips to grind on his hand. He smiled before carefully pushing a finger into my entrance. It was suddenly hard to concentrate as he curled his fingers just right.

“That’s what I thought,” Spencer murmured against my ear before moving his mouth to the corner of my mouth, then to my neck. A small moan fell from my mouth as he sucked a spot onto the base of my neck.

I stayed silent as Spencer continued whispering dirty things in my ear. Part of me almost forgot who I was with. Not because of what was happening, but because of what he was saying. I had no clue Spencer could say such dirty things. My train of thought was all over the place, derailing the moment I would gain a coherent thought.

Once I did eventually finish on his fingers, he pulled his hand from my shorts and looked down at me. It was a silent moment of a stare down. I was quiet because I was sure of what was about to happen. I was about to fuck Spencer Reid. I was willing to bet Spencer was calculating how long the events of everything would take. I didn’t care, I just wanted it and I wanted it now.

I broke the stare down, looking down at his slacks and the bulge that was still pressing against the fabric. I silently undid the button and zipper and pushed his pants down.

Spencer stopped me before I could do anything else. I looked up at him, my eyes staying on his face as he pushed down my shorts. Then it happened. I was expecting sex to happen like normal. Half naked.

I furrowed my eyebrows when he started getting ready. My tights were still on me properly. He didn’t forget. Man has the best mind in the world. He wouldn’t forget about my tights.

“Wait,” I whispered as I went to pull my tights off, but Spencer stopped me. His hand wrapped around my wrist before he pulled it away. “I gotta take my tights off if we-Oh…”I looked up at him with wide eyes once I realized what he wanted.

“Keep them on,” he whispered so softly I almost didn’t hear him. I nodded lightly. Truth be told, I could see the appeal in it. I did wear the fishnets for a reason. And I knew how I looked in them.

“I can do that.”

Spencer hoisted one of my legs around his waist and pressed my body against the wall. I stared at him, my arms wrapped around his neck to keep me up right. He also helped keep me up by keeping his hands on my hips. Once I was steady, Spencer ripped a hole in the crotch of my tights.

My teeth bit down on my lower lip as he dragged the head of his cock down my pussy. I almost couldn’t handle the way he teased my entrance. I wondered if he could see how frustrated I was starting to get. He’s a profiler. He should just know already how much I needed this.

“I swear to-” ‘God, Spencer.’ My words were cut off with a moan as he pressed into me all at once. It was hard to keep my head up right, and I fought for a moment before finally dropping it to rest on his shoulder. I brought my hand to my mouth and bit down.

Spencer moved a hand around to rest on my bottom. My mouth fell as his hand began massaging my flesh. That, paired with the way he began moving his hips started becoming too much for me.

He looked down at me, sweat beginning to mat down his hair to his forehead. His eyebrows were furrowed together as he picked up his pace. My leg around his waist pulled him closer to me.

“Don’t stop, please, please don’t stop,” I whined as he finally moved closer to me. My body began moving up and down the door. The cloth of my tank top had started riding up, and my hot skin was instantly touching the cool steel door.

Spencer lifted a hand to my head, placing it on the backside before pulling my face to his. His lips pressed everywhere on my face, not one spot was ignored. I pulled my hands away from his neck and grasped his shirt and tie, keeping him in his spot.

“You could’ve worn anything and I still would have wanted to fuck you. Sweatpants and oversized tee-shirt, that pencil skirt you wore back in Oklahoma… But the fishnets really do take the cake.”

“I-I knew someone would like them.” I tried to keep my voice steady. But it was so hard when pressure began growing in my stomach and between my legs.

“Do you have any idea how long I’ve wanted this? You here, looking like this,” his voice was almost a growl. My chest began heaving with each word he said and each movement he made. “Too damn long, that’s how long.”

Spencer removed his hand from the back of my head and dropped it to between my legs, resting it high on my thigh. His thumb moved back and forth on my leg, over the material of the fishnets. The look in his eyes drove me wild, and I loved it so, so much.

“Better me than anyone else. I’m not willing to share.” Spencer actually growled as he moved his finger to the crest of my legs. He smiled when I looked up at him with a mildly panicked look in my eyes. “Do you understand why, Sweetness?”

“N-no.”

“As I told you earlier, you’re mine,” he struggled as he tried to hold back a moan.

“Fuck,” I cried as my head dropped back down to his shoulder. I pressed a hand to the wall beside me. I gasped for air as the pressure in my stomach grew to the point of exploding.

“Only I can make you feel like this. You got that, Sweetness?” Spencer groaned, which quickly caused me to nod.

It was impossible to stay quiet as the pressure built up more. The situation was pushed more as soon as Spencer started moaning more into my ear. It was so overwhelming the second he said my name.

And then it happened. I finished before him. But it wasn’t too long after that a familiar warmth spread throughout me.

Spencer dropped his head to my shoulder, and we were both left in panting, breathless messes. My eyes were stuck open as I tried recollecting myself.

“I waited a long time for that too, Spencer,” I whispered, breaking the silence after a few minutes passed. He laughed and nodded.

“Yeah, I know.”

“Of course you do.” I shook my head and pushed his body off mine. He looked down at me with a smirk. “What… What does this mean?”

“Could mean anything. We let things happen naturally, or we pretend nothing happened at all. I’d prefer the former, if I’m going to be honest with you.” He gently lifted a hand and rested it on my face. My nose twitched as soon as I felt something rolling down my thigh. Then my eyes widened.

“N-naturally… Yeah,” I whispered, mostly to myself, as I reached for a wad of toilet paper. I quickly cleaned up the mess that was between my legs and shook my head.

“We should go. Get you properly cleaned.” Spencer spoke up once I was done cleaning myself a bit.

“Well now we gotta go out there and pretend like nothing happened,” I whispered as I looked up at him. Spencer shrugged like it was no big deal. “Where did this sudden cockines come from?”

“When I realized you could have any guy in the bar… And you chose me.” He smiled before wrapping an arm around my waist. I widened my eyes as we exited the bathroom and entered the crowd of people together. People stared at us as we walked by, but I couldn’t tell if it was both of us they were staring at or just me. Spencer’s grip around my waist tightened as he pulled me closer to him. “Remember, Sweetness… I don’t like sharing what’s mine,” his voice was low. My body stiffened once the reality of his words hit me. His.

“Where were you guys?” Emily looked between Spencer and I. I looked at her with wide eyes, my expression telling her (and the rest of the team) everything they needed to know. I’m sure I looked like a hot fucking mess.

“Sweetness here was outside not feeling too well. So I brought her to the bathroom and helped her out a little bit,” Spencer lied with a smile.

Even he knew the lie was useless. But I think everyone would rather believe the obvious lie than rather just know the truth. To be fair, I’d rather tell them all a useless lie rather than the truth. “She still doesn’t feel too well. So I’m going to take her home.”

“Oh! Bummer! I hope you feel better!” Penelope was the first to speak up. I was thankful too that she played along because I really couldn’t handle that embarrassment…

“I will.. Hopefully by morning… I’ve got the best doctor I know taking care of me.” I smiled softly as I looked up at Spencer. He glanced back at me with a smile.

“Have a nice rest of the night.” Spencer nodded to the team before guiding me away from the table and towards the front doors.

“My place or yours?” I looked back at him once we were finally outside and walking towards his car.

“Mine.”

if you want to be a part of a taglist (lmk if ur 18+ for smut) or have any comments about this one-shot, let me know here

taglist: @thebluetint​ @muffin-cup​ @itsmyblogandillreblogifiwantto​ @spencersmagic @90spumkin​ @jareids​ @broken-stardust​

[cloveroctobers]

Our baby going to prom prompt with jordan baker please 🥺🥺

From this prompt list

so I feel like his first born would be a little girl (which he predicted but initially wanted a couple of boys first...typical I know)

he’s extremely protective over his baby girl okay it doesn’t matter how old she gets he’s still gonna be that dad

Has a loving/goofy relationship with her, something he picked up from his own dad but he’s only serious when he feels like he needs to be

Chose her middle name since he wanted her first name to be “olive” but you weren’t having it. He tried to be creative by relating it to his twin but Olivia also agreed that the name kinda sucked but to compromise with Jordan you allowed it to be her middle name

he calls her “olly” instead of her first name

He wanted to be very active in this whole process while you were more easy-going about the whole ordeal but also just as excited as your little girl once the date started approaching

“They think they’re all cool now but wait until they see you in your dress, I bet $20 bucks they’ll be bawling like a baby.” Jordan whispered to your daughter who bumped her dad’s shoulder laughing with a shake of her head

“I can hear you, you know.”

“Do you have ears on the back of your head too?”

Jordan was very vocal about your daughter’s dress choices, giving his input of what he liked and what he didn’t like

“Honey, that compliments your skin so nicely but let’s talk about that neckline and one of your thighs is peeking out...”

Sure he might not agree with certain lengths or what was being shown but if it was something you really wanted he’d cave.

Anything for his little girl

“I’m gonna go broke before she’s married.” Jordan grumbled as the assistant carefully handled the dress

You laughed with your arms wrapped around Jordan’s waist, “you haven’t seen nothing yet. Ask my dad how much he paid for my wedding attire.”

Jordan threw his head back, “oh god!”

“Thanks dad!” Your daughter giggled running up to the both of you to wrap her arms around the pair to add to the embrace

“You’re welcome, little stinker.”

You did everything else far as the glitz and glamour bonding with your daughter and getting the latest teen gossip as always + some more info on your daughters prom date

You’ve already met the kid once or twice at the school and he was a nice kid as far as you were concerned

“Yeah he better be or I’ll have to call in some reinforcements to help get rid of the body.” Jordan huffed the night before prom as you lay in bed beside each other

“I don’t know about all that with the way your back is set up...”you laughed at the appalled look Your husband sent you

“I sure haven’t heard any complaints from you.” He argued as you entangled your legs together making Jordan flinch after he peeled his glasses off to lay on his nightstand, “always cold, aren’t you?”

“warm me up then.”

Jordan smirked as he lowered himself into the bed palming your cheek, “like I said, no complaints.”

The girls were upstairs as their dates waited outside in front of the house

Most of the parents were inside chatting away as you waited for the girls...well one out of the friend group was non-binary something Jordan was still trying to figure out but was still respectful towards the friend

they all took their time but it was common for your daughter to be dramatic she was into theatre after all

you had Olivia recording on the camcorder and Spencer on his cellphone to send the videos to all the friends and family that couldn’t be here

While you were acting like paparazzi getting all the angles of your daughter and then her friends then all together

“we can always count on you to make us look the best.” Your daughter said as you got up from the floor

You fixed your daughter’s hair after her poses, “you’re always stunning without even trying, my baby.”

Your daughter blew a raspberry until she noticed tears swimming in your eyes

“I mean she looks just like me so of course it’s effortless.” Jordan tossed an arm over your shoulders earning a laugh from some parents who listened in while they attended to their own children

Your daughter rolled her eyes, “I have the most extra parents.”

“Oh nooo, What gave that idea away?” Aunt Olivia sarcastically asked

Uncle Spencer added, “was it parent one trying to do parkour to get pictures or your dad threatening your date in the shed with his hardware tools?”

Your daughter whipped around to face Jordan along with your raised brow, “Dad, you didn’t.”

“I had to set some boundaries!! even the nerdy ones aren’t what they’ve seem. I’ve seen some tik toks you know?” Jordan defended while you placed a smile on your face bringing your daughter into your arms as you hid your sniffles

Your daughter and Jordan shared a glance

“I’ll give you $20 the day after tomorrow.” Your daughter tried to mouth

Jordan turned his eyes into slits, “what?”

Your daughter slapped one hand against her head before pulling back to smooth down your hair for reassurance

“You gonna be okay?”

“Stop growing! I’ll be fine! Let’s get some pictures of all of you with your dates before we send you off to live your lives!” You sighed waving everyone outside

“It’s just prom Mrs/Mr. Baker!” One of your daughters friend’s attempted to make you feel better

While their parent replied, “yeah but to us it’s like you’re already entering adulthood.”

The kids all groaned as they tracked down the steps to meet their dates who expressed how they liked their “fits”

All the parents snapped away and wishing them all to have fun

The parents thanked you for the hospitality and the wine/beer before taking their leaves promising to chat about the kids drama later on in the week

You were in full on tears ten minutes after watching your daughter ride off in the limo with Jordan cradling your head to his chest

Olivia and Spencer were completely confused

“Is this normal?” Olivia asked getting comfortable on the couch

Jordan patted your head, “I knew it was coming.”

“Shut up, mr. I’ll get rid of the body myself if I have to.” But it came out a lot less clear to Olivia and Spencer but Jordan understood your crying fits oddly

Olivia turned to Spencer who rested his hand against her knee

“You ready for kids?”

Olivia widened her eyes as you let out another dramatic sob and blew your nose against Jordan’s shirt who bit back a laugh, secretly making fun of you, which means this must have been love ‘cause high school Jordan would have thrown a fit if his significant other was using his shirt to deal with their emotions rn

“I think I can wait another year.” Olivia answered

Spencer eyed his in-laws over his shoulder as Jordan brought you over to the center of the living room to grab the baby book but decided to put it back down, “want to play olly’s favorite game: twister?”

“Her favorite game isn’t twister that’s mine! She loves charades.”

“Oh yeah,” Jordan’s mind went elsewhere before shaking those thoughts away, “...What about Jenga?”

“What about jenga?” You mocked, “next you’ll say it’s operation.”

Olivia didn’t want to interject and say it was actually “clue” so she watched the usual banter between the two parents glancing over at Spencer awaiting his answer

“Yeaaah I’m cool on that. Waiting a year sounds good to me.” He agreed watching as you pointed a finger into Jordan’s chest who scoffed at you and crossed his arms 

A/N: This was too cute/fun to write!! Thanks for requesting! we love dad Jordan! Why do I see him driving a dad car during the week like a Subaru and then bringing out the expensive cars on the weekend with his baby girl in the passenger seat screaming along to prince and new edition songs. Just imagine billy in the backseat along for the ride too. Woooow! The ideas. I love domestic fluff so much 😩💕

[matildainmotion]

All That We Carry - and the launch of the MWM Peer Mentoring Programme.

Image by Zoe Gardner @limberdoodle​

“How are you?”

“Oh, you know, surviving,” I say. 

Or

“Taking it a day at a time.”

Or

“Just about upright!”

Or sometimes I say nothing but describe a hilly landscape with my hand - “Up and down,” I might add.

Over the last ten years, since my son was born, I have accrued a ready-made stock of replies when someone - at the school gate, the shops, on a zoom call- asks the generic “how are you?” I can’t bring myself to smile gaily and say, “Great, thank you!” so my responses are designed to indicate just enough of the truth not to make the questioner worried or burdened, but do not tip me into the territory of barefaced lying. Because, the fact is, it’s hard.

‘It’ means everything - my son, my daughter, their school, my mother, time for my husband, the house, my work, my health, my sleep, the world.

‘It’ is a tiny word. In this context ‘it’ makes me think of an ant - the way they clamber across the dirt track by our house, carrying a stick, twice their size and weight. We do this. Parents and carers do it. Women do it. Non-binary people too. We carry A LOT, and often we do it in relative silence, either because we are too exhausted to shout about it, or even to notice or fully acknowledged it to ourselves, or because we do not know who to tell or how to tell them.

This is not new. Not news. We have been doing this - carrying a lot - for a long, long time. In fact, there is even a well-researched theory that the first thing that a mother ever made was probably a net or sling* - a thing to put things in, to enable her to carry more than she could manage to hold with just her hands, just her arms. We have been carrying stuff around in nets, slings, sacks, pots, on our heads, on our backs, in our bellies, in our hearts, we have had loads on our minds for millennia. The act that is less well documented, because it happens less, is that of us setting things down. Of course, some brave pioneers have done it, through acts of radical art, or resistance: Hildegard of Bingen, Rosa Parks, Mary Wollstonecraft. But all too often when we hear of someone ceasing to carry it all, it is a story of crisis - of dropping the lot, out of exhaustion, ill health, burn out. Because mostly, as a carer, there are so few opportunities to set things down, we just carry on carrying.

Six months into motherhood, when I was feeling the hardness of it already, I enrolled on a support course for parents and I still remember the phrase that the course facilitator used: most parents, she said, walk around with “a huge empathy deficit.” Empathy, I believe, involves someone else bearing witness to all you are carrying, acknowledging its full weight. It is a miraculous thing, but this acknowledgment in itself lightens the load, or perhaps, more accurately, the load gets no lighter but we feel stronger, better able to bear it. Earlier this year - still feeling the struggle - I enrolled on another course, a Hand in Hand Parenting one. The founder of Hand in Hand, Patty Wifler, did so out of a recognition of the severe lack of support that parents receive in our culture to do the enormous task of raising children. A cornerstone of her approach, her answer to the ‘empathy deficit’ is the idea of Listening Partnerships - a peer support arrangement that enables parents to offload regularly, safely, with another adult.

For a long time now, I have wanted to run something like this within Mothers Who Make- a way to provide one another with support, encouragement and accountability, as we do the almighty work of caring and creating. It is the same impulse that informs our peer support groups, but there is something vitally different that can take place in a one to one exchange - a more precise sharing of the weight of what you are carrying, a chance, for however brief a time, to set it down and take a good look at it. This month then, I am delighted to announce the launch of the MWM Peer Mentoring Programme. I ran a trial in July and it was everything I hoped it could be, so I am very excited to offer it again now. Please read about the programme below - what it is, how it works, how to enroll. Before you do, however, I want to use this moment as I might a peer-mentoring session, to set down what I am carrying, not because I need empathy (though, like everyone else, I do!) but because I hope it will give you permission to do the same. One thing I love about writing is that, despite the distances of time and space it traverses, it is strangely intimate, like a one on one exchange - just me, telling this to just you.

So, in answer to the question, “How are you?” here is the fuller response, which I do not give most of the time:

I am tired, always, and tired of being tired. The nights feel like dark imprints of the days, a negative image, not restful but grainy, smudge. Last night I slept on the children’s bedroom floor because it was easier to relax without the pressure of being in a bed, with the hardness of the floor against me. Today my breasts are tender even though I am only partway through my cycle - I googled it - another symptom of the perimenopause. Next door, as I write, my son is playing Lego Star Wars on the TV and my daughter is watching Lego Friends on Granny’s iPad - their daily dose of screen time so that I can have my daily dose of this, but it never sits easy. I dread the week ahead, of dressing them in bed, still half-asleep, readying them for school, where it is uncertain how their day will go, how long they will stay before I get a call asking me to pick them up, how they will be when they come home - it is a shock, although it shouldn’t be, to realise that both my children are neurodiverse. This is a trendy term nowadays, one to celebrate, and I do, but it is also a weight, to carry all the not-fitting-in-ness that goes with it. The last two nights my son has thrown up with anxiety, from the fear of anything bad happening to any one of us. I managed to get the potty-as-sick-bowl there in time, on to his top bunk, calmed him at last, till he fell asleep just before midnight. I went downstairs to turn off the lights - I always stop at this moment, to look through the back window into the tiny dark of the garden, to Granny’s room, or shed, at the end of it, and wonder how long my mother will live and if it will be long enough to see my novel published - apparently it takes two years even once you’ve got a publisher. I told her this yesterday and she frowned, said she would have a word with God, thought she ought to be able to manage it. I am wondering, though, how I will manage it - manage to do the rewrites the book needs, to do the work MWM requires, and the work I have taken on for Improbable, the finding of a new home for the company, but also for us, a new school, a place for us to be. And meanwhile, the house is overspilling – every room - with toys, books, dvds, with plastic trinkets from the inside of Kinder eggs, dried up felt tip pens and stale biscuits, stored in tins too late, which I should throw away but I can’t face the waste and so I continue to pretend that one day they may get eaten.

That’s me. And all the short answers are still true - I am surviving, I am still upright, taking it a day at a time, through all the ups and downs, and I am, actually, in a position of great privilege, on many levels.

And you? How are you? That’s my question for the month. And I’m interested in the long answer. Here are some ways you can respond:

You can post below this.

You can participate in the MWM Peer Mentoring Programme - read all about it and apply here: https://motherswhomake.org/peer-mentoring

You can attend a peer support meeting - read all about that and book your space here: https://motherswhomake.org/international

*The Carrier Bag Theory of Evolution by Elizabeth Fisher in Women’s Creation (McGraw-Hill 1973)

Image by Zoe Gardner @Limberdoodle

[philosophicusabicus]

Diaries in the Loony Bin

The Loony Bin is a group of individuals who could be called “friends”, but maybe that’s too suggestive. At any rate, this group has a diverse set of opinions on politics and sports, with voices across the political spectrum and through many sports. The intersection of politics and sports, in contemporary society, is met with disdain; however, the members of the Loony Bin seek to make it an acceptable space of discourse. Every week, when the asylum isn’t particularly chaotic (there can be no promises as to consistency of date), an entry will be posted, documenting the developments of thought and culture within these walls. Where many see lunacy as a vice, it is seen as a virtue here. The diary herein is will capture all of the voices of this group, but it will use only one narrator, striking many different chords and tones. Topics will change with rapidity, so be always on edge. Though, nothing will get too toxic, as most topics will be treated rather lightly, aiming at parody. We’re in the Loony Bin after all.

Entry #1:

Where saner minds prevail in the Loony Bin, there is the same old chatter about Brady; about how the Bucs will repeat; about the prospects of Tampa’s young roster. But, in the deeper corners of the Loony establishment, there are whispers of a new team in town — a team in the same conference which has been biding its time of late. The St. Louis R… Los Angeles Rams. This team has the defense of a Trump supporter pressed about another investigation; and they have Stafford now, who can be a completely average version of himself and still be better than Goff. They made the playoffs last year with the latter under the gun: by trusted and tried Loony bin logic, there is no world where they don’t fare better this year.

Alas, as we approach the eve of the NBA Finals, we would be remiss not to reflect on the curious outcomes of the playoffs we have just witnessed. The Suns are on the cusp of their first finals in 28 years, walking over a series of teams who were hobbled to their bones. 1st round against LAL, practically no AD. 2nd round against Denver, no Murray. 3rd round against LAC, no Kawhi.

Is anyone else seeing a curious trend here?

This is like the string of upsets that led to the election of Biden in 2020 — think Georgia, Michigan, and Arizona, among others. Speaking of Biden, nobody can say they’re overly happy with what he’s accomplished in his term so far, but then again many are still aboard the “anything is better than Trump” bandwagon. So that mass is just easy to please.

I have a story to relate. A guard patrolling the halls on a foggy evening last month overheard in a ward unit a patient on a delirious soliloquy. Ranting and raving was usual for this patient deep into the night, but this rave, this was different. “Trump’s rhetoric.. his mannerisms.. his behavior.. it is unfit for the Presidency. Nothing need be pinned on him from a legal standpoint for it to follow that he does not meet the standards of the Chief Representative of the United States. If you were to quantify the number of immoral exhibits he has demonstrated, however insignificant, they would add up to a hefty sum: a demeaning and vicious personality. A personality unfit for such a high position. If we have to pick political poison, let’s pick the lesser of the poisons.” The guard began to hear an uncorking of caps, a sloshing of potions, and a loud thump of a corpse, crashing to the floor.

There was a rampant disease going around the property, from hall to hall, greensward to greensward. Its many and various symptoms included: involuntary association with Big Tech, amnesia about mortgage loans and student debt; anxiety related to pressures of the labor and financial markets; headache and fever regarding quality of romantic life; and a strong preoccupation with taking selfies.

The Bin was in lockdown and every non-faculty member had to isolate in their respective wards. Hence, if the patients were to communicate to each other, a new way medium had to be contrived: they call it “Loonygram”.

As I understand it, though admittedly I understand it very little, one performs some kind of slippery action to facilitate the correspondence between users. From what I have gathered though, it has little chance of success without being a certified maniac. Many prefer the pleasure they derive from their own babbling monologues.

While a doctor was trying to rationalize his patient one day he got carried away on a sermon of his own: “Why the fuss over kneeling anyway? Just because some action affronts a symbol you respect, doesn’t mean the intention was to disrespect that symbol. Differentiating actions and their outcomes from intentions goes a long way out there. There was no intent to disrespect what that American symbolism; that was just a byproduct of an effort trying to gain respect for another symbol: social equality”

The patient, strapped to their chair looks helplessly up at the doctor and asks “So… that helps me in here how?”.

“Well, I suppose it doesn’t. Look, it aint all rational out there either, if you catch my drift”.

The patient scrunched his eyes circumspectly at the doctor before his attention was drawn to a fly buzzing on the adjacent wall.

These are curious times within these walls. An episode occurred on the Loony grounds one morning in which one patient wandered over to another, unprovoked, and yelled “my team is winning it all this year!”. The other patient, startled, replied “w..who is your team?” “w..what sport is this even?”

“I am at liberty to express myself; I have the first amendment behind me after all!” cried the provocative patient.

“Indeed, you do. But only where it doesn’t infringe on the freedoms of others” observed the second patient.

“And at what point is that?” jeered the first patient.

“Frankly, I’m not altogether sure. But let’s come to this decision mutually before you spam me with your raptures about the Yankees. Your favorite team is the Yankees, ya?

“How could you possibly.. know?”

“I saw you in the cafeteria last October, forking your pork chops like a feral animal; not long after Gleyber struck out for the 5th time that night either; I saw it in your eyes.”

How that altercation ended remains to be seen, since I merely borrowed it from the journal of another author, who has been missing ever since.

In other rumors, it is with great pain and sympathy that I report an exorcism which took place some time ago in the health dormitory on the fifth floor, all dust and eerie. The patient was being consumed by the demons of his loyalty to the Cowboys.

The pastor on hand, tending to his duties as exorcist, was on the verge of performing his most solemn task, when the possessed man said, as he foamed at the mouth “Elliot… Elliot”

“Excuse me? Elliot? What… Elliot’s going to be the most overrated running back in the league? I’m with you there” laughed the pastor, stuffing a hankerchief in the man’s mouth to muffle his screams.

“Dak. Dak. Dak. Back”

“Dak or not, there is a constant with the Cowboys. At the end of every regular season, they’re barely scratching playoffs.” applying the shock therapy he was taught in his vocational school.

“D..depth a..and.. youth.. a..at receiver” coughs the patient as he loses consciousness for the final time.

“Death and youth make a believer? That’s some sound philosophy my man. You’re impressionable when you’re young so that makes sense, and you live with more respect and appreciation for life as you get old and nearer to death. Truly well spoken”

“This one is one of the better cases, Mary” the doctor says as his assistant walks through the doors.

Tensions are up to a fever pitch these days. Just yesterday, two psychiatrists were shoving each other over whether the condition of the patients is binary or not.

“Their conditions are binary!? That is a very limiting way to view things. If the patient does not want to identify their condition as “sick”, and feels like they want to be labeled ‘sort of sick I suppose’, then the more power to them.”

“No, that is infeasible. If we do not have a clear threshold for their condition, then how can we administer their treatments? At what point? It would be arbitrary.”

“There is no essence of “sickness”; you can’t just define it in any terms you want, just so that it aids your goals; besides, they’re not really sick, sort of.” The insane man, lying on the bed for the entire course of the conversation, just looked blankly and confusedly at his doctors, thinking “so the stories you hear on the outside are true, these people really are Loony huh?”

Some disturbance is happening on the floor below me now, so I must close this entry and I will write another day…

[hellomynameisbisexual]

I’d go so far as to say that the nomination probably saved the site, in fact. For those who need a little background: despite being a small voluntary project the site was nominated for the 2014 Publication of the Year award by Stonewall, the UK’s largest LGBT charity, just nine months after its inception. This was a landmark step in Stonewall’s positive new direction on bi issues. To the best of my knowledge, this was the first time Stonewall had specifically nominated a specifically bi publication or organisation for an award. At this point my co-founder, who was taking care of the business side of things, had recently jumped ship and I was seriously considering packing the whole thing in. I won’t lie, I was astonished to read the email.

I’d worked on a publication which won the award under my editorship a few years previously. Unlike Biscuit, however, g3 magazine – at the time one of the two leading print mags for lesbian and bi women in the UK – had an estimated readership of 140,000, had been going for eight years and boasted full-time paid office staff and regular paid freelancers. Biscuit, by contrast, was being dragged along by one weary unpaid editor and a bunch of unpaid writers who understandably, for the most part, couldn’t commit to regularly submitting work.

Little Biscuit’s enormous competition for the award consisted of Buzzfeed, Attitude.co.uk, iNewspaper and Property Week. We didn’t win – that accolade went to iNewspaper – but the nomination was nevertheless, as I say, a huge catalyst to continue with the site. I launched a crowdfunder, which finished way off target. I sold one ad space, for two months. Then nothing. I attempted in vain to recruit a sales manager but nobody wanted to work on commission. Some wonderful writers came and went. There were periods of tumbleweed when I frantically had to fill the site with my own writing, thereby completely defeating the object of providing a platform for a wide range of bi voices.

The Stonewall Award nomination persuaded me to keep going with the site

The departure of the webmaster was another blow. Thankfully by this point I had a co-editor on board – the amazing Libby – so I was persuaded to stick with it. And here we are now. I don’t actually know where the next article is coming from. That’s not a good feeling. But, apart from for Biscuit, I try not to write for free anymore myself, so I understand exactly why that is. As a freelance journo trying to make a living I’ve had to be strict with myself about that. I regularly post on the “Stop Working For Free” Facebook group and often feel a pang of misplaced guilt because I ask my writers to write for free, even though I’m working on the site for free myself, and losing valuable time I could be spending on looking for paid work.

Biscuit hasn’t exactly been a stranger to controversy, in addition to its financial and staffing issues. Its original tagline – “for girls who like girls and boys” – was considered cis-centric by some, leading to accusations that the site had some kind of trans/genderqueer*-phobic agenda. Which was amusing, as at the height of this a) we’d just had two articles about non-binary issues published and b) I was actually engaged to a genderqueer partner, a fact they were clearly unaware of. Now the site is under fire from various pansexual activists who object to the term “bisexual”. To clarify – “girl and boys” was supposed to imply a spectrum and, no, we don’t think “bi” applies only to an attraction to binary folk. The site aims the main part of its content at female-spectrum readers attracted to more than one gender because this group does have specific needs. But there is something here for EVERYONE bisexual. Anyway, it’s a shame all of this gossip was relayed secondhand, and the people in question didn’t think to confront me about it (which at least the pan activists have bothered to do). We damage our community immeasurably with these kinds of Chinese whispers.

Biscuit ed Libby, being amazing

Whilst trying to keep the site afloat, I’ve also been building on the work I started right back when I edited g3, and trying to improve bi visibility in other media outlets. I’ve recently had articles published by Cosmopolitan, SheWired, The F-Word, GayStar News and Women Make Waves and I’m constantly emailing other sites which I’ve not yet written for with bi pitches. Unfortunately, although I am over the moon to be writing for mainstream outlets such as Cosmo about bi issues, it’s been an uphill struggle trying to persuade some editors out there that they have more readers to whom bi-interest stories apply than they might think. It’s an incredibly exhausting and frustrating process.

Libby and I are doing our best with Biscuit. I can’t guarantee that I would be doing anything at all with it if Libby hadn’t arrived on the scene, so once again I would like to mention how fabulous she is. But we desperately need more writers. We need some help with site design and tech issues. We need a hand with the business and sales side of things. We can’t do it without you. And if you know any rich bisexual heiresses who read Biscuit, please do send them our way. 😉

Grant Denkinson’s story

denkinsonpanel

Grant speaks on a panel chaired by Biscuit’s Lottie at a Bi Visibility Day event

So first of all, explain a little about the activism you’re involved/have been involved in. 


“I’ve been involved with bisexual community organising for a bit over 20 years. Some has been within community: writing for and editing our national newsletter, organising events for bisexuals and helping others with their events by running workshop sessions or offering services such as 1st aid. I’ve spoken to the media about bisexuality and organised bi contingents at LGBT Pride events (sometimes just me in a bi T-shirt!). I’ve helped organise and participated in bi activist weekends and trainings. I’ve help train professionals about bisexuality. I’ve also piped up about bisexuality a lot when organising within wider LGBT and gender and sexuality and relationship diversity umbrellas. I’ve been a supportive bi person on-line and in person for other bi folks. I’ve been out and visibly bi for some time. I’ve helped fund bi activists to meet, publish and travel. I’ve funded advertising for bi events. I’ve set up companies and charities for or including bi people. I’ve personally supported other bi activists.”


What made you get involved?

“
In some ways I was looking for a way to be outside the norm and to make a difference and coming out as bi gave me something to push against. I’ve been less down on myself when feeling attacked. I’ve also found the bi community very welcoming and where I can be myself and so wanted to organise with friends and to give others a similar experience. There weren’t too many others already doing everything better than I could.”

How do you feel about the state of bi activism worldwide (esp UK and USA) at the moment?

“There have been great changes for same-sex attracted people legally and socially and these have happened quickly. Bi people have been involved with making that happen and benefit from it. We can also be hidden by gay advances or actively erased. We still have bi people not knowing many or any other local bi people, not seeing other bisexuals in the mainstream or LGT worlds and not knowing or being able to access community things with other bis. We are little represented in books or the media and people don’t know about the books and zines and magazines already available. The internet has made it easy to find like-minded people but also limited privacy and I think is really fragmented and siloed. It is hard to find bisexuals who aren’t women actors, harmful or fucked up men or women in pornography designed for straight men. We have persistent and high quality bi events but they are sparse and small.”

What’s causing you to feel disillusioned?

“I’m fed up of bi things just not happening if I don’t do them. Not everything should be in my style and voice and I shouldn’t be doing it all. I and other activists campaign for bi people to be more OK and don’t take care of ourselves enough while doing so. People are so convinced we don’t exist they don’t bother with a simple search that would find us. We have little resources while having some of the worst outcomes of any group. I don’t want to spend my entire life being the one person who reminds people about bisexuals, including our so-called allies. I’m not impressed with the problem resolution skills in our communities and while we talk about being welcoming I’m not sure we’re very effective at it. I’m fed up with mouthing the very basics and never getting into depth about bi lives and being one who supports but who is not supported. I’m all for lowering barriers but at a certain point if people don’t actively want to do bi community volunteering it won’t happen. Some people are great critics but build little.”

What do you want to say to other activists about this?

“Why are we doing this personally? I’m not sure we know. How long will we hope rather than do? Honestly, are there so few who care? Alternatively should we stop the trying to do bi stuff and either do some self-analysis, be happy to accept being what we are now as a community, chill out and just let stuff happen or give up and go and do something else instead.”

Patrick Richards-Fink’s story

085d4de So first of all, explain a little about the activism you’re involved/have been involved in.

“Mostly internet – I am a Label Warrior, a theorist and educator. Here’s how I described it on my blog: “One of the reasons that I am a bisexual activist rather than a more general queer activist is because I see every day people just like me being told they don’t belong. It doesn’t mean I don’t work on the basic issues that we all struggle against — homophobia, heterosexism, classism, out-of-control oligarchy, racism, misogyny, this list in in no particular order and is by no means comprehensive. But I have found that I can be most effective if I focus, work towards understanding the deep issues that drive the problems that affect people who identify the same way that I have ever since I started to understand who I am. I find that I’m not a community organizer type of activist or a storm the capitol with a petition in one hand and a bullhorn in the other activist — I’m much better at poring over studies and writing long wall-o’-text articles and occasionally presenting what I’ve gleaned to groups of students until my voice is so hoarse that I can barely do more than croak.” So internet, and when I was still in school, a lot of on-campus stuff. Now I’m moving into a new phase where my activism is more subtle – I’m working as a therapist, and so my social justice lens informs my treatment, especially of bi and trans people.”

What made you get involved?

“I can’t not be.”

How do you feel about the state of bi activism worldwide (esp UK and USA) at the moment?

“I feel like we made a couple strides, and every time that happens the attacks renewed. I hionestly think the constant attempts to divide the bisexual community into ‘good pansexuals’ and ‘bad bisexuals’ and ‘holy no-labels’ is the thing that’s most likely to screw us.”

What’s causing you to feel disillusioned?



“It is literally everywhere I turn – colleges redefining bisexuality on their LGBT Center pages, news articles quoting how ‘Bi=2 and pan=all therefore pan=better’, everybloodywhere I turn I see it every day. The word bi is being taken out of the names of organisations now, by the next group of up-and-comers who haven’t bothered to learn their history and understand that if you erase our past, you take away our present. Celebrities come out as No Label, wtf is that. Don’t they make kids read 1984 anymore? It’s gotten to the point now that even seeing the word pansexual in print triggers me. I’m reaching the point now that if someone really wants to be offended when all I am trying to do is welcome them on board, then I don’t have time for it.”

What do you want to say to other activists about this?

“Stay strong, and don’t give them a goddamned inch. I honestly think that the bi organizations – even, truth be told, the one I am with – are enabling this level of bullshit by attempting to be conciliatory, saying things that end up reinforcing the idea that bi and pan are separate communities. We try to be too careful not to offend anyone. Like the thing about Freddie Mercury. Gay people say ‘He was gay.’ Bi people say ‘Um, begging your pardon, good sirs and madams and gentlefolk of other genders, but Freddie was bi.’ And they respond ‘DON’T GIVE HIM A LABEL HE DIDN’T CLAIM WAAHHH WAAHHH!’ And yet… Freddie Mercury never used the label ‘gay’, but it’s OK when they do it. And he WAS bisexual by any measure you want to use. But we back down. And 2.5% of the bisexual population decides pansexual is a better word, and instead of educating them, we add ‘pan’ to our organisation names and descriptions. Now, this is clearly a dissenting view – I will always be part of a united front where my organization is concerned. But everyone knows how I feel, and I think it’s totally valid to be loyal and in dissent at the same time. Not exactly a typically American viewpoint, but everyone says I’d be a lot more at home in Britain than I am here anyway.”

[dmitri-smerdyakov]

The Fantastic Beasts Franchise and JK Rowling

Alright, so...hi everyone.

I don’t know how many people follow this blog anymore because my main blog of operation is now @alwaysahiccupandastrid - I still try to keep this blog relatively active though, just because it was my original blog, I’ve had it since I was 13, and I have so many memories attached to it.

I’m aware that a lot of the people who follow me, especially since late 2016, do so because a) I was a loud and proud Fantastic Beasts fan, b) I wrote some Newtina and Jakweenie fic, and c)...I don’t know. I literally don’t know why people bother following me anywhere because I don’t feel like I have a lot to say. But, anyway, many people probably follow me due to Fantastic Beasts and my posts/fanfics within the fandom.

Those who follow my active blog will already know my feelings and thoughts, but because of the fact many things about this blog - me, the posts for the last four-ish years, the url itself - are Beasts related, I felt it was necessary to come and write an actual post here instead of just reblogging things and calling it a day. I’ve always been very outspoken online, but I’ve been avoiding a certain topic of conversation on this blog for years now, and I’m finally in a place where we can discuss it.

I am, of course, talking about the hot topic that is JK Rowling.

Back in the days between FBAWTFT and FBTCOG, I was a very outspoken defender of JK Rowling and her decision to defend Johnny Depp’s inclusion in the films. Now, this is something I still stand by to this day, and due to the evidence that has since come out, I’m even more steadfast in the opinion that keeping Depp was a great decision. I am fully in support of him and the way he’s currently battling against his abuser. But that’s not what I’m here to talk about right now. As I was saying, back in the day, I was outspoken about the opinion that “we don’t know the full story” etc., and as a result I received very colourful anon messages. Now, to my knowledge, none of these were about JKR being a TERF/transphone, but I think it’s important to mention that at the time I scoffed at the idea she could be one. I openly admit that I didn’t listen to what other people - including actual trans individuals - were saying about JKR and her transphobia because I frankly didn’t want to admit it. I didn’t want to admit that the person who wrote something that saved my life could be so hateful and a bad person - that, and at the time I passed it all off as “wokeness out of control”.

It is now 2020. Up until last Saturday night, I was still in support of JK Rowling - I didn’t agree with some of the stuff she had said, but I was trying to be positive and have hope by telling myself that she didn’t mean to be transphobic, that she just didn’t know what she was doing was wrong, even though the evidence clearly showed otherwise (I.e. her liking transphobic / radfem tweets). I said to my followers on my Beasts page that instead of cancelling people outright, we should be attempting to educate them instead, and if they choose not to learn then fine. And, being 100% obvious, I didn’t want to admit it because I frankly already was feeling annoyed at two different Beasts cast members for different reasons: Ezra Miller (for choking a girl) and Dan Fogler (for his tweet about BLM - admittedly that was probably him being well intentioned but not saying it right). So yeah, I didn’t want to cancel another member of the Beasts “family”.

I had JKR’s tweets on notifications, and for the most part over the last few weeks, it was all about the Ickabog. However, on Saturday night I noticed that she had suddenly tweeted something completely different, and I looked at it. Given that I had adamantly defended her and said “freedom of speech” for so long, it’s telling that my first thought upon seeing her tweet was literally “for fuck sake, Jo, why”.

I won’t post her tweets here but to sum that first tweet up, it was her being annoyed over the term “people who menstruate” being used in an article instead of “woman��, and mockingly saying “there used to be a word for that” before pretending she didn’t know the word. She knew that tweeting it would start arguments and anger, and yet she still made the decision to do so. Her follow up tweets frankly dug the hole deeper; she tried to defend herself by saying, to sum it up, “I have a butch lesbian friend who agrees with me” “I just care about women’s rights!” And “IF trans people were marginalised I’d march with you!” (“If”, of course, being the real kicker here because what do you mean IF. They ARE. Every DAY.)

Since then, JKR has written an essay on her website defending herself and her opinions, and yes, I read it. I read it a few times, in fact. At first, I felt my anger simmer and felt I had been too hasty to make anti JKR jokes, that I was wrong...but then I read it again properly and realised that what she had written was a piece that turned herself into the victim, and that despite putting on the appearance of her saying she supports trans people, including the phrases “I support trans people” and “of course trans women are real women”, she still spewed much transphobic vitriol and hate. She cited no sources for any of her proclamations or statements about statistics, implied that trans men transition to escape their “womanhood”, that trans women are men in dresses, that trans women are dangerous to “real” women (aka cis women) and shouldn’t be allowed into women’s changing rooms or toilets. There was also the autism comment, and the implication of autistic girls somehow not being able to make decisions or whatever.

I’m going to get straight to the point: I don’t support JK Rowling or her radical feminism.

As someone who is a proud feminist (libfem?), I can honestly say that never have I felt threatened or like I was being silenced by the inclusion of trans women in feminist spaces or conversation. Never. In my second year at sixth form, I was in charge of the LGBTQ+ club until a new leader with better leadership skills could step in, and - put simply - that year, the club was made almost entirely of first year transgender students. Even though I had called myself a trans ally for years, I realised there was a lot I didn’t know, and I learnt quite a lot from these students. I continue to still learn today. They were some of the nicest and most intelligent people I got the chance to meet, and I can truly say that at no point was I ever worried to be in a room alone with a trans woman, nor was I concerned about which bathroom they went in - bathrooms are bathrooms. Speaking of bathrooms...when I was at uni during a particularly tense rehearsal a few weeks before our final show last year, a guy in our group made me cry and I ran to the women’s bathroom to escape. Not only did the other girls come to comfort me, but you know what? The guy came in and apologised profusely to me. Did any of us girls give a shit about having a guy in our toilet? Absolutely not. It’s a fucking toilet. And, on that note, I was never worried about a trans woman or even a cis man attacking me in the toilets. You know who DID attack me in the toilets regularly? Other cisgender women.

As a feminist, I fully support trans women and am not threatened by the inclusion of trans women in women’s spaces or in women’s rights discussions. While I agree that cis women and trans women inevitably go through different struggles, at the end of the day, we all identify as women and are women. I think that if your feminism is so threatened by the existence of trans women - TERFs, RadFems, JKR, looking at you - then your feminism is flimsy and not feminism at all.

As a woman, I find it highly offensive that JKR and many RadFems focus so much of womanhood and feminism on an involuntary biological function that, frankly, many of us would rather do without. Yeah, I’m talking about periods - no matter how proud I am to be a woman, I still fucking hate periods and would get rid of mine if I could without erasing my chance of having kids someday. I can hear the RadFems accusing me of “internalised woman hatred” for saying I hate my periods, but you know what, they suck and they hurt and fuck them. The fact that JKR (also the the radfem movement) reduced “women” to just people who menstruate and can have children, and vice versa, is incredibly offensive and misogynistic. For a start, trans men menstruate, intersex people can, non binary can etc. Next, not even ALL cis women have periods - women who are menopausal, young women who haven’t started puberty yet (some do start very late), some women don’t have regular cycles, some women have medical problems that affect their cycle, some women are on birth control that can stop their cycles. So the idea of women being defined as “those who menstruate” is offensive not only to trans/intersex/non binary individuals but also to cis ones too.

As I write this, I’m a 22 year old woman who is still learning and changing every day, and one of the things that I’ve found myself thinking about recently - especially since we’re in lockdown and we have nothing BUT time to think - is about myself and my identity as a woman. What prompted this was when I saw Greta Gerwig’s adaptation of Louisa May Alcott’s beloved book, “Little Women”, which I’ve since read, for my birthday back in January, and I left the cinema feeling exalted and powerful with my own identity as a woman. (I’ll be returning to LW in a bit)

After some thinking, I’ve realised some things. For me, my identity as a woman is not just because once a month my uterus decides to shed; I do not identify as a woman just because I have certain physical features. I am not a particularly feminine person either, and I’m what some may call a “tomboy” (a phrase I actually don’t mind but I know a lot of people do for understandable reasons since it’s a phrase designed to differentiate people who don’t conform to society’s expectations etc) because I prefer video games and more geeky stuff to shopping or dressing up or make up.

For me, there is no one way a person has to be or appear in order to identify as a woman. Women are beautiful, complex human beings; we are not defined by our genitalia, by an involuntary biological process. Women are strong, intelligent, and interesting people - no two are the same. For example, some decide to raise families, some choose to pursue a career, some do both - all of these are valid and none are more “feminist” or “womanly” than the others, because it’s our as women. I guarantee that if you lined up every single woman in the world - cis AND trans - no two would be the exact same.

I mentioned “Little Women” earlier, and as I was pondering over what makes me identify as a “woman”, I thought a lot about a certain quote from the 2019 film that has stayed with me since it was first said in the release of the trailer. It’s spoken by Jo March to her mother, and I’ve started to understand what for me makes me a woman.

For me, being a woman is all of this: having minds, hearts, souls, ambition, talent, and being beautiful each in our own ways. Women are capable of love and empathy, capable of desire, capable of the most complex and human feelings and emotions, and coming out the stronger for it.

Sex is one thing; gender identity is another.

I won’t dissect every single thing JKR wrote in her essay, but I will just say this: her comments regarding autistic girls are extremely tone deaf and she does not speak for those with autism. I’m going to be honest and admit something here I haven’t before: I have not been diagnosed with autism or aspergers but I AM currently on the waiting list to see someone who COULD diagnose me. Apparently I show signs of a potential diagnosis, so...we’ll have to see. But I have friends who are autistic, and they’re disgusted by JKR trying to use them to support her TERF arguments. Autistic and other neurodivergent people are absolutely capable of making decisions and are NOT people who need to be babied or have their hands held, to be told who they are. It’s incredibly ableist of JK Rowling frankly.

I would also like to point out... I’ve seen people saying “but she doesn’t hate autistic people, Newt is autistic!!!” - yes, but JKR didn’t write him as autistic. Eddie Redmayne chose to play Newt as autistic - JK Rowling didn’t do shit.

It’s also time that I acknowledge that both Potter and Beasts inevitably hold JKR’s problematic views, and that by denying her ownership of her work, we’re not holding her accountable for the horrible things she’s done. This includes - but is not limited to -:

Anti-Semitic stereotypes in the goblins

Lycanthropy being used as a metaphor for AIDS - an illness that is heavily associated to the gay community, and also there was the panic of the AIDs crisis in the 90s where much misinformation and homophobia was generated and spread because of it.

Adding further to the lycanthropy point, one of the infected individuals - Greyback - is stated to have a sick preference for infecting children. Not only are werewolves tied to harmful gay/AIDs stereotypes, but also to the disgusting and frankly wrong notion that gay people are pedophiles.

The only Asian character is called Cho Chang. Cho Chang. That’s two steps away from outright just calling her “Ching Chong”. It’s not a name an actual Asian person would have.

The Goldstein sisters are probably distantly related to Anthony Goldstein, who JKR confirmed (on Twitter of course) is Jewish, meaning that Tina and Queenie are most likely Jewish too (and Goldstein is a Jewish surname). However, despite the fact that the first FBaWTFT is set DURING Hanukkah in 1926, there’s zero signs of them celebrating or observing it. Maybe that’s more on set design than anything else, but come on - if I, a fanfic writer, can do some research, JK/the crew of a major movie can too!

Adding on from that, gotta love how one of the JEWISH main characters then decides to join the Wizarding world equivalent of Hitler. I already had problems with Queenie’s characterisation in CoG, but that’s the icing on the cake.

POC/Black characters - in both series but since I’m a Beasts blog... Seraphina Picquery, a Black female president serving a term during a MAJOR wizarding world crisis, is severely reduced to have only 3 lines in CoG. Nagini’s only purpose is to be the only friend of Credence, a white man, before he joins Wizard Hitler and abandons her; she’s also an Asian character who we know one day permanently becomes a SNAKE, and who goes on to actually have a piece of Voldemort’s soul inside of her?? And some do see her as his slave, though you could argue that she’s actually the only being that he holds any love or respect for. Leta Lestrange is a half-black woman who is killed/literally sacrifices herself for TWO WHITE MEN, and who’s death was literally confirmed to have been added in last minute.

Also, the whole Lestrange storyline was fucking nasty: white Lestrange Sr imperius-ed a black woman (Yusuf Kama’s mother), raped her, and she then died in childbirth. I’m sorry, what the fuck??

In Harry Potter, Seamus is a terrible stereotype of an Irish person - he likes to blow things up. Look up the IRA and their bombings. Fucking Irish stereotype. As someone with Irish grandparents and who is proud of their Irish heritage, this really pisses me off.

Let’s not forget the whole Native American cultural appropriation. That truly speaks for itself.

So here is where I speak candidly to everyone who follows me and/or sees this post. While Beasts is no longer my No. 1 fandom these days, it and Potter still hold a huge piece of my heart. I have 5 wizarding world tattoos, so much merchandise, and I can safely say that being a fan of both series has shaped me as a person. Both of those series helped me get through the darkest days of my life, including bullying at school, my Nan passing away, and my mental health struggles.

This is why what’s happened has impacted me so much and broken my heart. For me, it feels like it’s tainted now because of Jo and her views. I know that we should separate the art from the artist, but when her views are so clearly woven into the very fabric of the Wizarding world, it’s a huge problem.

Here’s another part of the dilemma - I do not wish for the Beasts films to be cancelled. I’m well aware that the *cough* people who dislike me will say I’m trying to be negative, trying to boycott the series blah blah blah, but that’s truly the last thing I want. I still love the story, the characters, the soundtrack, and I want to know how it ends, if only for my own piece of mind. It’s also important to add that by boycotting Beasts, it’s also harming the hard working thousands of others who worked on the films: the cast, the crew, the extras, the musicians, etc., not to mention the fans who actually are invested in the series and have taken solace in it. It’s not fair for them to all suffer over the actions of one TERF.

This is one of my biggest worries, however: the Fantastic Beasts films do NOT have a good reputation as it is. The second film was boycotted by some due to Depp, and now there’s talk of people boycotting number 3 because of JK Rowling. Lots of people already talk hatred about it, and this will only fire that hatred up even more.

There’s also talk of Eddie Redmayne potentially being kicked from the franchise due to a “leak” that he doesn’t want to work with JKR anymore, but this could be sensationalist news reporting. But if it came down to it, I can honestly say that I would rather continue to have Eddie play Newt than keep JKR as a writer. Eddie has done more for Newt than even JKR has, and if he goes, then that will be the last straw for me within the fandom. That will be when I take a sharp exit out, sell my FB merch and have my tattoos covered.

To add, the Fantastic Beasts scripts are...not great. Or, at least, what we saw on-screen wasn’t. Maybe that’s David Yates being the literal worst (fuck you, Yates, you suck) and cutting all the parts with strong female characters, but I honestly don’t think that JKR can write screenplays well at all. I think she’s clearly better at writing books, and that’s fine - books obviously allow for more time to explore characters and story/plot arcs etc, and film scripts offer way less of those chances. I don’t think screenplays allow her to write what she needs to in order to tell the story she wants to, hence why CoG was kind of a hot mess. So maybe it’s just that she’s not suited for screenplays and should stick to books.

Honestly, I kind of just wish that WB would hire another person to finish writing the Fantastic Beasts movies - obviously they’d have to keep JKR on board to tell them the actual plot, but get someone who can actually write screenplays and not be problematic to write them.

By now I’ve gone on long enough that I’ve forgotten my original intent while writing this, so I’ll try to sum up and end now. In short, I am extremely disappointed in JK Rowling and do not support her or her views any longer.

I don’t know how any of you guys are feeling but I would be interested to hear other people’s thoughts, especially other Fantastic Beasts fans. I want to also add that, as always, my DMs and inbox are always open - if not here, then always at @alwaysahiccupandastrid where I’m more active nowadays.

Finally, you guys don’t need me - a white cis woman - to tell you this but you’re all valid and magical and fuck JK Rowling. Her characters would all be ashamed of her, and the characters we grew up with would not stand for the bigotry and vile hatred she spreads under the guise of ““protecting women””. Several of the amazing actors from Potter and Beasts have spoken out against her and her tweets: Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Bonnie Wright, Katie Leung, Chris Rankin, Eddie Redmayne. Some have been...less inspiring (Tom Felton, Evanna Lynch, looking at you two 👀)

I’m sending love to everyone right now. I wish I could say something more useful but I’ve spoken enough - I’ve made my opinion clear. I love you all, please stay safe.

[comrade-meow]

Now Jackson is helping to lead LGB Alliance, which she co-founded with Kate Harris, in its fight against the promotion of gender identity policies and their corrosive impact on lesbians’ and gay men’s lives. And LGB Alliance enjoys the support of another of the Gay Liberation Front’s founders, as she revealed to David Bridle.

How did you first hear about the Gay Liberation Front meeting?

I was a student at LSE. I started there in 1969, I was studying maths, and I walked down the corridor and I saw a poster which said: “First meeting of the UK Gay Liberation Front.” It was the most astonishing thing because I had to translate it in my head as to what it might mean. I had heard that “Gay” was a new word for homosexual, and I knew “Liberation” was about freedom and “Front” sounded a bit militant. It sounded very exciting and I thought “I think I want to be on there that sounds right.” I went to this first meeting and there were 19 men there, and just one woman – me – so I was immediately voted on to the steering committee.

What happened in the first meeting?

Aubrey Walter and Bob Mellors had just come back from the United States where they’d been at the Revolutionary People’s Constitutional Convention in Philadelphia, a meeting called by the Black Panther Party. They were real liberationists and it was very clear that this was going to be a revolutionary movement. What was very clear from the beginning was that gay liberation must be aligned with women’s liberation because they wanted to break through the sexist principles that society was based on. That was the theory anyway. At the second meeting there were a few more women.

How did the gay men and lesbian women get on?

I did notice that while a lot of the gay men were very interested in aligning with the women’s movement and breaking through sexist role patterns, there was also a certain amount of misogyny among some of the gay men. I can remember thinking it’s going to be difficult for men and women to work together. I was among the minority of lesbians who decided to work within gay liberation; most lesbians worked within women’s liberation because of feeling more in common with other women’s issues. The fact of lesbians being doubly oppressed both as women and as homosexuals is just a really important part of understanding what it means to be a lesbian. Some men really get that ­– and some men really don’t.

What was the first Gay Liberation Front demonstration?

We organised our first demo in November 1970 at Highbury Fields and that was just astonishing. We’re demonstrating and there’s crowds lining the street looking at us in disgust. It really is quite something to be walking down the street and to see these people looking at you with revulsion in their faces. You stand taller because you think we’re together and we’re out. Our main message was “Come out of the closet”, show the world there’s lots and lots of gays and lesbians – and your ideas about them are all wrong. I was the spokesperson for the demonstration and my telephone was the number for Gay Liberation Front. I spoke to the reporter at The Times and I said “It is important to know that we are not ashamed to be homosexual”. For years I thought what a very mild and rather timid thing to have said.

Bev Jackson spoke to The Times: “It is important to know that we are not ashamed to be homosexual”

How do you feel about that now in 2021?

I look back now and I think – God, we have to say the same thing again – that is insane! What on earth has happened? That’s what drives us, the idea that our legacy has been trashed. They’re making homosexual into a dirty word and even trying to avoid saying “gay” and “lesbian”. We’re not a string of letters. It’s absolutely fine to be attracted to people of the same sex. It’s beautiful. It’s wonderful. The idea that people are reintroducing the notion of shame into same-sex sexual orientation is quite appalling.

What was your most important experience growing up?

When I was 11 years old I went to a new school and I really wanted to make friends but I was Jewish in a very anti-Semitic neighbourhood. We had this teacher who kept making anti-Semitic remarks and then at one point she looked around and said “I suppose nobody here is Jewish?” And the whole class burst out laughing. They thought that was such a hilarious idea that anybody in the class could be Jewish – and I put my hand up. I said, “Please Miss, I have some Jewish relations” – in fact I’m totally Jewish – and then I had to go to the toilet and throw up. Later my class teacher found out and she said if anybody made any anti-Semitic remarks again, I should tell her and she’d kick them down the stairs. So it wasn’t the case that everybody was anti-Semitic. Having found myself able to speak out at that time, feeling the terror of being alone, but also the need to say the truth, that’s been the most important moment of my life. It made me strong. It enabled me to come out as a lesbian in a very hostile homophobic environment when I was 16 and it’s enabled me now to stand up against the forces in the wider LGBTQIA+ movement as someone who is critical of the whole concept of gender identity.

Was there a point – prior to the formation of LGB Alliance – when you personally followed the issues around gender identity and their impact on same-sex attraction?

In 2015 I was mostly involved with refugee rights. I worked with refugees on the island of Lesbos and I wrote a book about it. I was only vaguely aware of what was going on in terms of the LGB rights movement. I remember at Christmas 2016 expressing my views about children thinking there was something wrong with their bodies, and changing their bodies, and being critical of this. I discovered that this was seen as quite a reactionary view and I thought that was odd. It didn’t seem reactionary to me. So I started researching it and the more I researched it the more worried I became. What was happening that young lesbians were no longer welcome in the LGBT rights movement? It just didn’t seem possible and I thought people must be exaggerating. I researched it more and more, and then came that moment in 2018 when Angela Wild went to the front of the Pride march with her “Get the L Out” group, and I thought “what is she doing?” I soon realised that this action had actually been quite necessary because it attracted attention and focused people’s minds.

You wrote to Ruth Hunt who was then in charge of Stonewall?

I wrote her a very long letter with all my concerns about young lesbians having nowhere to meet, not being able to call themselves lesbians any more, about the way in which people were encouraging children to think that they might be born in the wrong body and a whole range of other concerns that really worried me. She didn’t write back. She ignored my concerns. Eventually I published the whole letter on Twitter because I wasn’t going to get a response. I also wrote to other people at Stonewall saying, “Can we talk please? I’m one of the founding members of the Gay Liberation Front and I’m concerned.”

What happened to Stonewall in the years prior?

What happened is in 2015 Ruth Hunt decided to add the T to LGB. It was basically following what had happened in the United States. In the US it had been LGBT much longer than that and there was pressure on her to do the same. Since the T has been added to Stonewall the whole ethos has changed. The emphasis is now all on gender identity. The issue is presented as if it’s about trans rights, but it isn’t really. I don’t know what a middle-aged man who’s got several children and then decides he’s a woman has in common with a 14-year-old girl who is feeling distressed for various reasons and feels that she must be a boy. It’s very difficult to see that those two people can come under the same heading. According to Stonewall’s website, “trans” includes crossdressers or people who are male part of the week and female another part, and people who are non-binary – and it’s not clear what that means either. None of these words are defined and therefore you don’t know what you’re talking about half the time. Laws are based on facts and it’s really important to define the words that are used. The shocking thing that’s happened at Stonewall, and at all LGBTQ+ organisations, is that the word “sex” has been replaced by “gender”. This is not a small thing. Instead of “same-sex attraction” they now talk about “same-gender attraction”.

Here’s this young lesbian standing up against this clinic and on the other side you’ve got Stonewall opposing her. How is this possible and why are people not seeing that Stonewall has stopped supporting gay and lesbian rights and is instead promoting gender ideology or whatever you want to call it?

What do people like Stonewall think gender means?

A lot of the gender identity campaign is about changing the meanings of words or making words slippery. So you don’t quite know what you’re talking about. Gender is one of the worst examples. As soon as they try to explain it they end up with stereotypes. There isn’t any other way to do it. What can it possibly mean? Is there some sort of girly essence that can live inside a male body? That is just the most sexist thing I’ve ever heard. It’s not progressive. It’s awful. It seems to me that this whole idea of gender identity has been stuck in between reality – which is the sex of your body, you’re male or female – and the imagination, the feelings you might have, as a sort of intermediate thing. It’s kind of loosening people’s grip on reality. Look: you can be a lovely gentle male and you can wear dresses and you can call yourself Lilian and it’s absolutely fine. But you’re still a male and you can imagine you might be all sorts of things, but you’re still a male. And with girls what’s going on is really unfortunate, a kind of way to escape from being a woman because it’s not very easy to be a girl growing up.

Can you talk about the Keira Bell case?

Most astonishingly perhaps you’ve got Stonewall opposing Keira Bell, this young lesbian who sued the Tavistock GIDS Clinic for not giving her the care she had needed. Instead she was given puberty blockers and had her breasts removed and she now knows it was all a mistake. She won her case. The judges used the word “surprised” I think five times in the judgment because they were astonished that the clinic doesn’t keep proper records, doesn’t know the proportion of child patients who are on the autistic spectrum, doesn’t follow up patients after treatment, doesn’t keep notes on consent, doesn’t have evidence for the treatment. Here’s this young lesbian standing up against this clinic and on the other side you’ve got Stonewall opposing her. How is this possible and why are people not seeing that Stonewall has stopped supporting gay and lesbian rights and is instead promoting gender ideology or whatever you want to call it?

How was the inaugural meeting of LGB Alliance set up?

I was asked to take part in a commemoration in the run-up to 50 years of the Gay Liberation Front that was going to take place at LSE on 22nd October 2019. They sent me a train ticket and I was going to take part in the panel. Around the same time, I met Kate Harris. She had published a petition, together with Johnny Best, calling on Stonewall to enter into dialogue about the course it had taken. They refused to do so even though a massive 10,000 people had signed the petition. Then the LSE meeting was cancelled, but I already had my train ticket. So I said to Kate “why don’t we just have our own meeting on that day, and start something new?” We went looking for people who were expressing similar ideas and invited each one separately. We decided to have the meeting at Conway Hall because it had a history of involvement with social movements. We knew that if news got out there would be tremendous antagonism, maybe aggression, and so we hired four security officers just in case. But everyone kept the secret. Not one of the 70 people we invited gave away the meeting at which we formed LGB Alliance.

I was contacted just a few days ago, for the first time in half a century, by Aubrey Walter, one of the founders of the Gay Liberation Front in the UK, who edited a book about the early years entitled Come Together and now lives in Spain. He wrote to express his support for LGB Alliance. When I asked him to provide a comment for this article he wrote this: “What is our movement about if not same-sex love? Good to see LGB Alliance standing up for this principle against false gender ideologies.”

What would you like the Conservative Government to do?

We were very pleased that the government decided not to go through with gender self-ID. That would have severely undermined the rights of women and gay and lesbian people. The argument is always cast in terms of trans rights. It’s not about trans rights. Of course trans people have rights under the law and we fully support those rights. The argument is really about gender identity. We’re also extremely glad that the Department for Education issued new guidance saying that relationships and sex education has to be based on evidence – on facts – and schools should not be working with external groups that teach children that if they don’t fit into old-fashioned stereotypes they might have been “born in the wrong body”. We are paying attention to see that schools actually keep to the new guidance, however. Then there is the matter of single-sex spaces – in prisons, rape shelters etc. Single-sex spaces are guaranteed in the Equality Act but they are being misinterpreted. We do wish the government had gone further and cleared up these misunderstandings and also clarified that for a woman to request a female doctor is a perfectly lawful and reasonable request – and a woman, of course, is an adult human female.

Has LGB Alliance ever been invited to meet Stonewall, Pride in London or Mermaids?

No, and all our invitations are just ignored or declined. We did of course write to Nancy Kelley [CEO of Stonewall] when she was appointed to congratulate her and to invite her to meet us, but no.

LGB Alliance is often accused of being a “hate group”. Why has this stuck and is there nothing you can do to counter it?

Anybody who actually listens to us, reads what we write and watches our webinars gradually realises that it isn’t true. But it’s a very clever tactic. If you’ve got no arguments, what do you do? People have a right to their own beliefs but they don’t have a right to impose those beliefs on the rest of us – but in order to shut us up, all they have is insults. We certainly don’t hate anybody and more and more trans people are coming over to our side because they see that actually they’re really suffering from all this. They’re being drawn into this really nasty atmosphere which is not about trans rights. It’s about imposing a belief system that some people have on the whole of society. “No debate” and “you’re hateful” is all they’ve got. They have to stop us talking.

Gay men and lesbians need spaces of their own and they have a right to spaces of their own – and that we have to say this now in 2021 is an absolute outrage. We could really lose a lot here if we don’t stand together and fight against this madness.

Looking back on yourself going to that first meeting of the Gay Liberation Front in 1970 and now fighting for lesbian and gay rights all over again, how does it feel?

I feel I have a duty to expose this monstrous Injustice for what it is. Most of the people who oppose us and who call us a hate group, I think they’re probably very well-meaning. They’ve been misinformed. They listen to people who they trust and they say “that LGB Alliance, it leaves out the ‘T’. That sounds mean, it must be a hate group.” Since the Keira Bell case we’re getting some light now. People are starting to realise that something terrible is happening to kids who would in most cases be lesbian and gay if they grow up – that they are being persuaded that they need medication, and maybe surgery. How could anybody think that’s a progressive thing?

The Gay Liberation Front demands in 1970

What about single-sex spaces for lesbians and gay men?

We get messages all the time from young lesbians who are excluded from LGBT clubs because they say they’re not interested in people with penises. “Oh you’re transphobic!” they’re told. Where are they supposed to go? Why are there no places for lesbians any more? It affects gay men too. A very sad group of gay men who had their own reading club contacted us. They had run this group for years and are now being told they can’t have it anymore. They have to have trans men in there because otherwise they’re not being inclusive. They’re just totally baffled. Why are gay rights and lesbian rights going backwards? How dare anybody call this progressive! Gay men and lesbians need spaces of their own and they have a right to spaces of their own – and that we have to say this now in 2021 is an absolute outrage. We could really lose a lot here if we don’t stand together and fight against this madness.

What is your message to the people who once marched with you in the Gay Liberation Front but now attack you?

I would say that some of those who marched with us then see us, as the veteran gay rights campaigner Fred Sargeant sees us, as reviving the spirit of gay liberation. In fact quite by coincidence I was contacted just a few days ago, for the first time in half a century, by Aubrey Walter, one of the founders of the Gay Liberation Front in the UK, who edited a book about the early years entitled Come Together and now lives in Spain. He wrote to express his support for LGB Alliance. When I asked him to provide a comment for this article he wrote this: “What is our movement about if not same-sex love? Good to see LGB Alliance standing up for this principle against false gender ideologies.” – Aubrey Walter, co-founder of the London Gay Liberation Front, 1970.

What are LGB Alliance’s plans for the future?

Reviving LGB rights everywhere. There are now 15 LGB groups set up along the same lines as ours, from Brazil to Australia, from Canada to Poland. Our aim: global revolution!

For more information about LGB Alliance go to: https://lgballiance.org.uk

[demivampirew]

So I saw this post and instead of waiting for someone to ask me one of these questions, I decided to answer all of them 😂 🤣 I encourage anyone who wants to do what I did 🤭

  who’s your celebrity crush? Henry Cavill

are you single or taken? Single and not ready to mingle

rant. just do it About relationships? I’m currently in one with a British guy that doesn’t know I exist 😂 🤣

do you think its ok to separate the artist from the art? Depends on the art, I think... like in the case of J.K. Rowling (who’s against trans, gender fluid and non-binary people); she sucks, but she created a world that meant so much to kids - like me- and made our childhoods better.

how many accounts do you have? Currently one - I do have another dedicated to 30STM/Jared Leto but I don’t use it anymore

how many pairs of shoes do you have? 5

opinion on… (specify to the person you’re asking to) (opinion on myself) I’m a introvert trying to make friends even though I have a problem that I’m shy -yes, I’ll admit it- and I found difficult to start conversations 🤣 . I’m not perfect, but I consider myself to be a good person, because in spite of my flaws, I’m opened to better myself when I make mistakes.

how many accounts do you follow? +2.300 (although I think more than half of these accounts are not longer in use)

favorite brand of clothing? Elie Saab, Ralph and Russo (of course I never use those clothes, too expensive and can’t affort them, but they’re beautiful)

name a dog Siberian Husky

what unusual talent do you have? I’m good at handcrafts (I’ve made notebooks reciclying old boxes, for example)

what’s the most interesting schools gossip you’ve ever heard? I don’t recall. I didn’t pay much attention to gossip.

ever prank called a store? Nop. I’m not into pranks.

what’s your coffee order? I don’t remember the name in English; in Spanish we call it Lágrima (is milk with just a touch of coffee)

what’s a question do you constantly get asked? How are you? -Mainly from people who know me and knows that I’ve been dealing with depression and ptsd (and panic attacks). (I’m fine, btw, in case anyone wonders)

if you had to get a tattoo right now, what would you get and where? Before covid-19 and quarantine, I was planning to get three tattoos - all in the same day- Two were group tattoos with my friends -we chose to get the symbol of our favourite sailor scouts from Sailor Moon, so I was going to get Sailor Pluto’s symbol in one wrist and Sailor Jupiter’s symbol in the other. Also, I was planning to get the phrase “Never give up” on my forearm.

google the top song from the year you were born "Nothing Compares 2 U" by Sinéad O'Connor

rant about your favorite musician Epica is a Dutch band. They make symphonic Metal and the lyrics are so deep and amazing. Plus, Simone’s voice is from another planet.

what’s your favorite teacher you’ve ever had? My English tutor. He was amazing, funny, smart, friendly and hot af -he was also a model. He moved back to his country (Denmark) a few years ago.

describe your blog in 3-5 words Thirsting over Henry Cavill (?) 🤣

what’s a conspiracy you believe in? Does it count as a conspiracy the fuck that Trump worked with Russia to win the USA elections or is just considered a fact? 🤣

if you could see any concert tonight what would you choose? Taylor Swift. I’ve been a long-time fan but I never got the chance to see her live - because she never came to Argentina. Same with Justin Timberlake.

if you could break one of your bad habits which would you choose? Being lazy and working out - I used to do it before quarantine and now I’m finding hard to start working out again *sighs*

can you dance? sing? Can I do those things? Sure. Am I good at it? That’s another question I don’t know the answer to 🤣

what’s something you can’t stop buying? Stationary items. I’m obsessed.

crowds or small groups? Small groups

how long before a trip do you pack? Like a week before. I’m an anxious person.

what celebrity would you rate a PERFECT 10? Henry Cavill

what quote or inspirational setting do you think is bs? Everything is possible if you just believe - that’s true only in fanfiction, I think  😂

if you had to dye your hair an unnatural color right now, what would you choose? Bright Red - I have red hair right now, but I’d like to go for a even brighter red (my natural hair is pretty similar to Henry’s)

you can change one thing about your life right now. what are you changing? I’m working on all the changes I need (eating helthier, excersice more, new job, etc)

how old do you get mistaken for? Normally people guess my age correctly.

what do you think about a lot Henry, my past mistakes, the future.

do you like your hogwarts house or do you wish you were a different one? I love it. Once I cheated in the Pottermore test because I wanted to be in Gryffindor, but now that I’m older and after +30 test agreed that I’m a Ravenclaw I must admit that I’m beyond happy with that.

what does home mean to you? The place I live in (?) 😂

what do you think you’d be arrested for? Maybe for punching someone if I see them hurt an animal.

have you ever been called down to the principals office?  Once in second grade because me and my friend had a fight in the break room. -no a common thing for an introvert, I know 😂

post a picture of the outfit you would choose if you could have any outfit you wanted

describe your aesthetic  Red - Red Nature

answer with one of your ‘school memes’ (inside jokes you have with your class/grade) with no explanation I don’t remember any 😂

[obviouslyelementary]

They Them, Captain - DaForge

Summary: Geordi wants to tell someone about their gender identity. Data suggests the captain.

Warnings: none

Tags: non-Binary Geordi; supportive Picard; coming out; Data POV

-------------------------------

Data had been noticing an increasing comfort in Geordi's personality related to their newly found gender identity. Of course, it was still limited to the both of them, with Geordi being highly uncomfortable with other people knowing about their discovery, but Data realized that sooner rather than later, his partner would be open for discussing this with other people. They had been hinting towards it in their conversations, adding questions like 'what do you think the captain would say' or 'do you believe Deanna has seen similar cases', to which Data answered to the best of his abilities, based on what he knew about his crew.

He could not give completely accurate responses, but he believed that apart from an initial awkwardness, no one in their close group of friends would take offense in Geordi's gender identity.

"Of course, I could be wrong. Humans tend to be... extremely unpredictable" Data said once Geordi brought that up again, and the engineer looked at him, nodding slowly.

"Yeah we can be... but I mean I've been getting used to it for three months and like... it feels good. It feels right" they said, and Data nodded. "I know you are the only one that treats me like a gender neutral person, but I think I should begin to tell other people. At least, you know, the important ones."

"If you want an advice" Data started, and when Geordi didn't stop him, he continued "I believe the correct approach should be the captain."

"The captain?" Geordi asked, surprised, and Data nodded slowly. "But that is like... jumping all the ranks!"

"Yes... but the captain has proved many times before to be open for different species, ways of life, lifeforms and beliefs, more so than others in our crew. I believe he would be the appropriate choice."

"I thought about starting with Deanna. Don't you agree?" Geordi asked, and Data tilted his head.

"While Deanna is also open for different approaches, she is half Betazoid, and created with Betazoid costumes. In the Betazoid world, there are no registers indicating the possibility of a third gender, let alone any others. They are extremely connected to their gender, male or female, and the emotions and connections each gender can make with other people and other species. So I do not believe she would be correct approach."

"I see... I didn't know that Betazoids were so... gender inclined" Geordi chuckled and looked down, seeming nervous, playing with their food. "I thought... well doesn't matter what I think. So, the captain... okay. I think I can make myself comfortable with that."

"I can help you getting comfortable with the idea, by showing you many examples of previous encounters the captain has had with different species and lifeforms. In stardate 423-"

"Thanks Data but you don't have to" Geordi said, smiling at him, and Data closed his mouth. "I believe you. I just need... to calm down. Relax. Make myself comfortable. You can't really help. It's something very personal."

"I see" Data nodded and looked down before looking back at Geordi and tilting his head. "Perhaps I could help. Do you remember when Lore came over to the Enterprise?"

"Yeah it was ages ago, I remember" they said, and Data nodded.

"In that instance, before he had regained conscience, the captain kept referring to him as an it. Of course, he meant no harm, however calling Lore an it also implied that I was an it, an object, a machine. Even though I do not feel emotions, and therefore was not offended or upset with the usage of the pronoun, I also knew it was incorrect, so I corrected the captain, telling him that if he kept referring to Lore as it, he was indirectly referring to me as an it as well, and it was not correct for I am male. And he understood. Not only understood but apologized, and corrected himself, calling Lore by male pronouns even after he had bad actions towards us. Does that help you in any way feel more relaxed towards the captain?"

"Honestly? Yeah" Geordi chuckled and reached out, taking Data's hand on their own. "Thanks Data. You're... amazing."

"So are you" Data said, still as a matter of fact, but also softer, sweeter in a way. At least he tried to sound more romantic.  

The rest of the dinner went well, calm and relaxing, and Geordi seemed even more relaxed.

 Another two months passed before Geordi took their final decision. After a talk with Data, they decided they would tell the captain about their gender identity, but they needed moral support, so Geordi requested Data would stay with them as they talked to the captain.

And Data, of course, agreed.

During a diplomatic mission, one where Picard was not busy at all, Geordi decided to make their move. In a quiet, uneventful evening, they went to the bridge and called Data to their side, requesting to talk to the captain alone. With a nod and standing up from his chair, Picard turned to Riker and pointed to him.

"Number one, you have the bridge. Mister LaForge, Mister Data, to my ready room."

They followed the captain inside the room and got themselves comfortable, Data sitting on the couch while Geordi sat on the chair in front of Picard's table, and Picard behind it, face to face with the engineer.

"Permission to speak freely sir?" Geordi asked, and Picard gave him a confused but assertive nod.

"Of course commander. Always. Is there a problem at engineering?"

"No sir, this is a personal subject" Geordi said, and Picard moved his glance from them to Data, before tilting his head.

"Well considering both of you are here I thought... I'm not going to make any assumptions please continue" Picard said, shaking his head, deciding against trying to guess what the subject was about. Geordi sighed, then looked at Data, who simply gave his partner a firm nod. Then, the engineer turned back to Picard and fixed himself on the chair.

"Sir... I came here to talk about... myself" they said softly, looking down at their hands. "About something new I found out... about myself."

"Commander, you can speak freely" Picard said, and when Geordi looked up, he was smiling. "Don't be afraid. Just say it."

"Okay" Geordi sighed and looked at Picard firmly, chest puffed out. "Sir, I discovered that I identify with the non-binary Earth created gender."

Whatever Picard believed they were about to say had nothing to do with what Geordi said. His eyes widened, he blinked a few times and then looked at Data, clearly confused and surprised. He then coughed and crossed his legs, leaning over the desk between him and his commander.

"I... beg your pardon, commander?"

"I identify as non-binary sir. Most precisely, agender."

Picard furrowed his eyebrows and leaned back against his chair, rubbing his chin and watching Geordi calmly, before he let out a sigh and stood up. Geordi was nervous, shaking slightly, but Data did not move to assist.

"I see" the captain answered, heading to his replicator. "Earl grey, hot" he said, before getting the tea and taking a sip. He walked back to his chair, sitting down, and looked at Geordi over his cup. "Commander... since when you know this?"

"Ten months sir" Geordi said, and Picard nodded slowly.

"I see... close to our visit with the J'naii, no?"

"Yes."

"Commander... many people demonstrated confusion and even doubts about their gender after the visit to the J'naii. Most of which went away in around... two weeks. Are you absolutely certain that this... new discovery wasn't simply empathy? Something to allow you to relate to the J'naii better?"

"I... thought so sir but after reflecting for a long time I came to the conclusion that no, it wasn't. I truly feel this way captain. I am truly non-binary."

"I see I see" Picard nodded and sipped on his tea. "Well, I remember hearing about gender identity in the academy, during the twenty and twenty first century. But those genders were left behind..."

"Yeah yeah I know... but this... this is true captain it's how I feel. It is my truth. And I found out that non binary genders are still used in Earth and colonies, just not... openly discussed."

"Yes... I understand. Well, I am not person to judge others for their beliefs, their identities, or their culture. This is no different. I believe you and I am content you came and told me" he said, and smiled at Geordi. "I will tell mister Data to change your profile to desired pronouns and name-"

"Captain please no" Geordi interrupted, and Picard's eyes widened. "I mean sorry, sorry to interrupt but I don't want anyone to know yet. For now only you and Data know and I want to keep it like this until... I'm ready."

"... very well commander LaForge" he nodded and put his tea down. "So if you don't mind... how should I refer to you?"

"You can still refer to me with male pronouns, I don't want to make you uncomfortable or forget while we are not with other people. So you don't have to change anything captain."

"But commander... I want to. It will not be hard to remember to treat you as you wish to be treated whenever we are alone" he said firmly and leaned closer. "Tell me your preferences."

"Okay... I prefer to use they them pronouns and I would also appreciate if you referred to me by my rank, not by mister" they said, their voice hesitant, but Picard gave him a short nod and smiled.

"I understand. Very well commander LaForge. Tell when whenever you are ready to tell the others" he said. "You are dismissed."

"Oh... thank you sir" Geordi nodded and stood up, and Data did the same, but Picard raised his hand.

"Mister Data could you stay? There are some reviews I would like to make" he said, and Data looked at Geordi, who nodded and smiled. After a short squeeze of hands, the engineer left, and Data sat down in front of his captain.

"Yes?"

"Data... what is happening?"

"Sir, I believe Geordi was very clear" Data said, and Picard sighed, nodding slowly.

"Yeah yeah but... what? Is this truth or some... phase or-"

"Sir, I believe the term 'phase' related to human gender identity or sexual orientation hasn't been used in at least two centuries" Data said, tilting his head. "This is not a decision they made without thought. Geordi knows how they feel, and they know exactly who they are. I told them you would be the best person to tell this to, because you are open for new ideas."

"I am but... we haven't heard about non binary genders in centuries!"

"Sir, it was a political choice made by binary people. Do you truly believe it is fair?"

Data raised his eyebrow, and Picard pressed his lips together, nodding to himself slowly.

"You are right... I will make an effort to study about gender identities again, and talk to some of my friends about it. I will not reveal anything about commander LaForge, I just need more information."

"I will gladly provide it sir" Data assured, and Picard smiled.

"Please send them to me mister Data. And thank you for making Geordi trust me. I think highly of them, and I want them to trust me."

"They do. And they think highly of you too captain" Data assured and stood up. "May I be excused?"

"Of course... thank you again mister Data."

"You do not have to thank me sir. Just make sure you study, and respect Geordi, and anyone else that may come to you with the same requests."

"Right" Picard nodded and Data walked out to the bridge, seeing Geordi waiting for him by the turbolift. He walked over to his partner and made his way inside the lift, leaning down to press a soft kiss to his partner's lips.

Geordi blushed lightly and looked up at him with a smile.

"Oh... that was surprising."

"I am trying to be more spontaneous in my affection demonstrations" he responded, and Geordi smiled, leaning close to Data and closing their eyes.

"I love you Data."

"I love you too Geordi."

Maybe he truly did.

[sluttyprincessinarizona]

Holy shit, alright.

So, first off, hi. I’ve been having a tough few days because of various reasons that I may or may not get into in this post. I’ve been bottling up all of my feelings for too long and writing things down has always been easier for me than talking about them. Basically, this is me spilling a lot of my secrets so I can get them out of my head. I’m sorry if this isn’t what you expected or wanted from me, please skip this if you’re not okay with a post like this. 

TW//: Talk of anxiety and depression, mental and emotion manipulation(?), mentions of death and suicide, and just dark shit in general. Proceed with a lot of caution.

Hello. My name is Malachi. That’s not my birth name but it is the name I choose to go by. I am a non-binary African American person that is trying their absolute best in the life I was given. Admittedly, I’m not fairing very well but I continue to try everyday.

I come from a fairly large family. 8 siblings in total, 1 on my moms side and 7 on my dads. My mom and dad never married, they broke up when I was five years old, and when my dad moved out, I stayed living with my mom. My mom is bipolar and manic depressant and my older sister, my moms daughter, was a spoiled brat until I was born. From very early on, my sister would constantly tell me that I ruined her life, that she wished I was never born, that she hated me, etc. Unfortunately for me, my mom wanted me and my sister to get along so I was always around her. She would read books to me and have me around all the time. Because of this, I’m pretty sure anyway, I grew up to be very gifted. I entered kindergarten a year early, and all of my school life felt easy. I was never challenged. Even the gifted classes I was out in were hardly anything to me. Now, I know this sounds like I’m bragging, but I take no pride in these words or my talents. I’ll tell you why later.

Growing up was surprisingly difficult for me. My mom was struggling to support both of us so we moved house a lot. We moved into our grandma’s house at one point. That was when it was the worst. My sister would constantly tell on me, but when I turned the tables on her, she’d beg me not to. She’d promise that she’d ever tell on me again, and then turned around and threw away said promise as soon as I let it go. I was the “problematic” child. My sister berated me constantly, telling me that I was bad at dancing and singing, which is still one of my passions to this day. It stuck with me. Everything does.

Fastforward to middle school. I had spent the last few years of my life with a less than agreeable sister and a difficult to approach mother. I’ll get into my father’s deal in a little bit. Elementary school hadn't been good either. I was at a higher level than lost of people, so I would occupy my free time with books. PE and outside activities never intrigued me as much as most kids, and so I was then deemed the class outcast all the way until about 7th grade. Up until 5th, I trusted others way too easily. Someone could walk up to me, tell me their name and say they wanted to be friends and within a week I'd be telling them all my secrets and family troubles. It was stupid really, but no one taught me any different. I was betrayed a lot, and everyone in our grade knew things about me that I'm embarrassed to admit. It was heartbreaking to 5th grade me. Why was everyone so mean?

I was always more of a tomboy, even as a child. The girls were too "girly" for me and the boys didn't converse with girls so I was, again, alone.

By the time I got to 6th grade, I had already adapted a system. Go to school, do well, read in your free time, go home. No friends, no acquaintances, nothing. It was how I kept my heart safe. And it worked for a while. Luckily, I moved schools when I came up with the system, so no one was too keen on approaching me in the first place. Then, 7th grade came around. And holy god, was it horrible. For some reason, I made a friend. Now, she was nice. Very nice. We bonded over Undertale, she was great. We're still friends to this day. But I kept her at arms length, cause I had just broken the system. That wasn't apart of the plan. Even worse, I made two more friends. And worse than that, I developed my first ever crush on someone. All of my plans were failing, my walls were crumbling. But when these walls fell, my heart grew weaker still, cause having friends isn't as great as it should be. Especially in middle school.

Our small group was riddled with mental illnesses, and we'd joke about wanting to die at least twice a day. It was how we coped, even though none of us made any effort to get better. It wasn't the best, but 8th grade was somehow worse.

Our group split right down the middle. Half of the group wanted nothing to do with the other half. And I was stuck in the middle. I liked everyone, they were all my friends. How could I possibly choose between them?

And then, as if things couldn't get worse, one of my closest friends in that group called me out. Apparently, I had become so dependent on them, on her, that I was becoming "too outgoing" and annoying, and she stopped responding to me. I had let her inside my walls and she still hurt me deeper than anyone else. I apologized profusely. I had gotten so used to not being a bother that losing her trust was one of my worst fears. It scarred me. I spent days sulking, just wanting to properly apologize to her. I wanted to hear from her, I needed to. Eventually she forgave me, but the damage had been done. That was when I had come up with a new idea. Another system. I didn't execute it, but the idea sprouted in the back of my mind.

8th grade was the year of my first panic attack. It was dumb, really. I woke up, got ready for school, and realized there was an assignment I forgot to do that was due later that day. I had had a perfect record. My homework was never late, and it terrified me to no end to think that my streak would end like that. I sat against the wall of my bedroom, covering my mouth and hoping that I was crying quietly, so I wouldn't wake my dad. No one to help me, no one to ground me. I was spiraling for too long. The only thing that snapped me out of it was myself. I had to go to school or I'd be late, that was how I got myself out of that darkness. Pathetic, I know.

High school was a different battle field in and of itself. Sophomore, Junior and Senior year were pretty good, so I'll only talk about Freshman year.

I was very scared of high school. All the middle school teachers said high school teachers were ruthless, mean and impatient. They kicked people out of class, out of the whole school. School had been easy but high school was different. The mere mention of it made me nervous. Oh yeah, I haven't mentioned it before, but I have pretty bad anxiety. It's primarily social anxiety, but it gets bad at the worst possible times. I think I might have depression but I'm too scared to bring it up with my therapist, so that'll probably stay unsolved.

Freshman year wasn't very bad. It wasn't worse than 8th grade at least. What really got me was the workload. Self discipline, time management, all the mature people things that I had to learn. It made my anxiety skyrocket. I would be finishing assignments during lunch, mere hours before they were due. I was a rightful mess, on all accounts.

I had a big fallout with my dad, and that just made all of my problems worse. I'll get into that another time, seeing as this post is already too long.

Finishing high school was a breeze compared to earlier years. I made a small group of friends, many of which are onto bigger adventures in life. I haven't started college yet, but I haven't talked about what it is that I really wanted to talk about. The thing that's really been on my mind.

I'm nobody. I'm not just a nobody. I'm nobody. I honestly don't know who I am. My entire life, I had forfeited finding myself in favor of catering to others. I relinquished my personal freedom to make others life easier. I listened to everything my parents told me to do. No question, no complaints. I bend and broke myself to make my sister happy. I gave her so much of myself that I didn't have any left for me, yet she's still not happy with me. My friends don't know who I am. My mind is constantly thinking, I'm constantly drowning in dark thoughts and harmful words but they don't know. I hide it from them, I hid everything from them. I told them not to worry about it. And eventually, they did. It hurt. It stung. But it was my fault entirely.

My dad called me a robot once. I followed orders with feeling or hesitance. He was right. My constant thought process is all of my responsibilities. All of the things I need to do for someone else. Taking a break is impossible. Mt family needs me to function properly so they can live freely and without regret. I can't do that.

I can't eat what I want without making my mom angry in some way. I can't say or do or buy or receive anything without getting into an argument with my sister about how I'm somehow the spoiled one. Hell, I take a nap for too long and my mom gets upset at me. My dad is another ball game all on his own, so I won't talk about him right now.

What I'm trying to say it that my life isn't mine. My life is spent caring for others. Listening to other people over myself.

I'm horrible at taking compliments. I brush them off, deny them, pretty much anything other than saying thank you. It's not that I'm not grateful. I'm just tired of them. I've been showered with praise all my life, but it's bittersweet when you're taken advantage of every day. Taken for granted endlessly. They start to fade together.

Generic, everyday praise infuriates me to the highest level. Don't you dare say that cookie cutter bullshit to me. You think I haven't heard "oh you're so smart" before?? You think I haven't heard "you're beautiful" before??? I understand that you're just trying to be nice, but fuck off with that run of the mill fuckery.

Compliment me

How about you say, thank you for trying so hard for us?

Or, I see you helping out. I appreciate it.

Or, god forbid, you cab relax for once, I can take care of it.

Because god knows that I need a fucking break sometimes!

Oh, take a day off? Unless you want to come over here and handle my 101 responsibilities for this day alone, I suggest you shut that shit up right now.

Telling to take it easy doesn't fix the fucking problem.

One thing I know I do have are some major anger issues. That's not easily solved. None of my problems are.

At this point, I feel like I am my problems. Without my anxiety and my anger, who am I?

Who would I be?

Would I be better? Worse? Who would I have become?

I don't want help because help would change me. Help would get rid of me.

Whoever that me may be.

[fangirlinglikeabus]

i read some non vna dw books a while ago but because i am a Clown i’ve only just finished typing up notes on them...i think my next dw book i’ll make notes as i go rather than just marking the pages and Hoping I Remember. anyway! here’s my thoughts on thirteen doctors 13 stories. i have more opinions on some than others. 

A BIG HAND FOR THE DOCTOR

"...Susan, who was possibly the only person in the universe who could make the Doctor smile at the mere thought of her."

awwwwww

didn't really like this one that much - i wasn't too impressed with eoin colfer's characterisation of the first doctor (esp since pre-ian and barbara i don’t think he’d willingly attempt to stop some villains until susan was in danger)

THE NAMELESS CITY

Polly...once described him as looking like an unmade bed.

lmao

...he didn't know exactly what he was, though when he was growing up, he had heard tales of the legendary fairy creatures of the Unseelie Court who haunted Scotland's deepest valleys. He suspected the Doctor might be one of the dark Sith.

HEAVILY vibe with this concept the world is saved by bagpipes.......peak dw THE SPEAR OF DESTINY

"You know what I love about London?" he said, turning to her briefly. She sighed. "I'm sure I can't guess." "It's the only city in the universe where you can drive around in a car that's seventy years old and get away with it." "Who says you're getting away with it?" Jo muttered. 

nkdfsjksn

"Fire away!"

"Oh, Doctor, please. Not after that business at the museum."

no doctor is immune to the temptation of a good pun. no matter how inappropriate. actually i really like how jo and three are written in this generally. there's so many good scenes. also, when the doctor asks her why she doesn't know anything about the vikings: "Doctor, we did the Romans. Every year." rip jo

From a distance the Doctor watched as a group of about twenty men loaded the TARDIS on to the back of a large low wagon pulled by four sturdy oxen.

jo: the doctor told me about the perception filter on the tardis so it'll be fine! they won't even spot it. literally the next scene, immediately:

She longed to stand and give this old goat a piece of her mind, but she knew she'd most likely fall over if she tried, which wasn't the effect she was after.

aw jo :(

"Do you know they wash once a week?" "Could have fooled me," muttered Jo.

*desperately resists the urge to write down every jo line in this story*

"I have the ship. And I have the spear. What need have I of you any more?"

the master is betrayed. to the surprise of no-one but himself.

The Doctor held her by the shoulders. "My dear girl," he said. "That is very noble of you. You were right. Your aspirations /are/ the very noblest. But you're wrong about something. Nothing is more important than you."

me, sobbing:

ROOTS OF EVIL

realised as i was reading this that i don't own any books featuring leela.....a crime

"Surprise!" the Doctor said. "You know you were complaining that you missed trees?"

this is actually the cutest thing no-one look at me

She could never understand why the Doctor was so careless of danger. It was a good thing he had her to look after him, she thought, as he opened the TARDIS door and they stepped out together into dim, green light and the earthy, warm-compost smell inside the great tree.

phillip reeve gets the four+leela dynamic. like. he Gets it. 

"It will not hurt you," she promised. "It is called a 'scarf'. It is like a cloak, only pointless."

ousdofnsoksfd

"Did it look a bit like a gravel pit? You'd be amazed how many alien worlds look just like gravel pits..."

what is doctor who. without quarry jokes.

"I mean, he's wearing a bow tie!" the Doctor explained patiently. "Ridiculous objects! I wouldn't be seen dead in a bow tie!"

1) says the guy who wears an obnoxiously long scarf everywhere 2) honey, you've got a big storm coming

TIP OF THE TONGUE

there's a scene in this where nyssa and the doctor chill at a diner and they drink chocolate milkshakes together. this is all i care about.

Good Lord, was that celery he was wearing on his lapel?

Yeah We Know

"Are you British?" Nettie said, as if this was the most surprising part of the whole thing.

i mean, fair

He paused. "I don't suppose either of you would be interested in travelling?"

the fifth doctor: hey one of my friends died recently and i abandoned the other one but i really miss having a large crew so i was wondering if you two literal children would like to risk your life travelling with me :)

SOMETHING BORROWED

you'd think given this one is from peri's pov she'd be slightly more central to the plot. ah well.

"That's two storeys up!" I exclaimed. "And I'm in heels." "Well then, you should have worn more sensible shoes, shouldn't you?"

maybe she lives in hope that she won't have to do any running/scale buildings every time she steps out of the tardis. i get that. 

"Well, you are the expert when it comes to gaudy," I said, giving a meaningful look to his red-and-yellow plaid coat and green tie.

every six story is legally obligated to drag his coat

The Doctor shook the man's hand vigorously. "Yes, yes. A little different round the edges since our last meeting on Kiri 4, but all the charm and intellect are still here."

i love this bastard.......

"Love? That contrived, chemically driven state of idiocy?"

mood

A clatter of metal was the sole warning I had before a hole in the ceiling suddenly opened, and the Doctor came tumbling down to the floor, landing in an ungraceful heap of rainbow plaid. Nonetheless, he rose to his feet with all the dignity of an Olympic gymnast who'd just landed a perfect somersault.

not to sound like a broken record but i would Die for this idiot

withholding myself from using more quotes to illustrate my unbridled love for the sixth doctor whom..........

"You might regret not helping me with this one day," she  [the Rani] called over to us. "Your next regeneration may be sooner than you think."

Huh. I Wonder What That's Referring To

RIPPLE EFFECT

From the look on his face, Ace reckoned that a visit to the Time Lords was something similar to her having to visit the dentist back on Earth.

i mean to be fair.....the time lords are a whole lot worse although in this case the doctor's reasons for not wanting to visit are: (i) they're 'old, boring and judgemental' (ii) they have stupid clothes and a stupid non-intervention policy (iii) they treat him 'like a naughty schoolboy' (can't have that in front of your companion!)

i apparently didn't have many comments to make on this one. um...it was good. i liked the idea of an alternate universe with nice daleks. MOVING ON

SPORE

"They're all dead....everyone's dead, flesh turned to liquid. It moves...There are things! Moving things! They're alive..." Major Platt looked up at the Doctor. "The caller became incoherent after that and disconnected shortly after." The Doctor drummed his fingers thoughtfully against the top of the aluminium folding-table between them. "Hmm...That really doesn't sound very good."

YEAH YA THINK?

"I was at the opera," the Doctor explained, "when my phone went off."

this is his excuse for That outfit. really just copying everything from grace here huh

THE BEAST OF BABYLON

She also didn't yet know that he wasn't a man at all.

yeah cos he's non-binary duh

"So now we're landing on Earth," he shouted, "two thousand years before the birth of Christ..." "Who?" "He was a bit like Sherlock Holmes. Knew the answers to everything. Very good at solving mysteries. Some humans use him to measure time."

obsessed with the implications of this dialogue...

THE MYSTERY OF THE HAUNTED COTTAGE

absolutely love the concept of this one...a world created from martha's memories of reading a famous five expy as a child

"What?" Martha said defensively, keeping her voice down. "That's how he was described in the books. Don't blame me. This was 1951. Everything back then was blinkered, sexist, and ever-so-slightly racist. It was a backward time." "Ah, yes," said the Doctor, "because 2007 has none of those things."

vibe with this convo

"Am I lonely?" Martha asked. "You're a particle of dust," the Doctor said. "Of course you're not lonely." "I sound lonely." "Well you're not; you're having a great time."

this conversation where the doctor tells martha to imagine herself as a particle of dust has exactly the same kind of energy as discussions you have at 3am at a sleepover

NOTHING O'CLOCK

Amy looked irritated. She wasn't irritated, but she liked to give him the impression she was, just to show him who was boss.

yeah...

ok the villains in this one are actually really fucked up like. it's been a While since i read it now because i procrastinated on making these notes but they were Good creepy. thank you mr gaiman. 

LIGHTS OUT

now THIS is one where the pov heavily contributes to the story...

He turns to look at me with piercing, hollow-set grey eyes, then furrows his impressive silvery brows. "I'm buying a coffee," he says. "For a girl."

so THAT'S why twelve took so long to find coffee for clara......he wasn't buying it on earth. good vibes

TIME LAPSE

i absolutely LOVE the concept for this one, which is that the year 2004 completely disappears from records

A typed envelope reading The Doctor, The TARDIS, Ex-Gallifrey followed by a long string of numbers, letters, and things that probably were letters but looked like they came from about eight different languages.

obsessed with the fact that (i) you can apparently send letters to the tardis, like it has an actual address (mel throwing a message in a bottle into space doesn't seem so unreasonable now huh...) (ii) part of this address is 'ex-gallifrey'

this dude gets rejected. and is so badly embarrassed that he erases 2004 from existence. i promise i'm not making this up.

[my-makeshift-masquerade]

Guy With Autism Has Been Bothering Me Lately

I have autism, too. But, let me tell you, this is a unique case. I have done literally everything I possibly can to bluntly and verbally communicate to him my disinterest in going out with him. I rejected him because he asked me out the day we first met and he insisted he was over it. Not at all. I talked with the leaders of the Autism Support Group at my University and they said I should focus on only seeing him in group outings to drive home the idea that we were just “a group of friends hanging out”. I thought that made perfect sense.

At first it was fine, but then he started getting closer to me, and only going out of his way to acknowledge me. Then, he got really upset when in our party game (the question was to come up with a convincing self help book title that someone may be caught reading) I entered “12 Rules For Life” as my answer. Recently, I had been to the bookstore and that book was being displayed in the self help section. I figured it sounded convincing and didn’t even regard the author’s name at all.

But boy was this guy upset with me for mentioning a book by a “transphobic piece of shit”. He tried to challenge me about it in front of everyone and I said I chose the title because I saw it in the bookstore. Eventually everyone told him to get over himself, but he didn’t let it go. He would get close to me and still act all upset like he wanted me to notice him. I ignored him and tried to have fun with everyone else. When I left early to get away from his ass, he stopped me, crying and revealing to me he was nonbinary. I was understandably confused as all hell.

He had never corrected me about pronouns at all since the day we met which was a whole semester ago. In that time, he used he/him pronouns to refer to himself constantly, and everyone in the group including me just used he/him pronouns too because that’s what he called himself. When I expressed I had no idea, he admitted he never told anyone. He told me I made him feel unsafe and that I was a threat to him. When I asked why he hadn’t made this clear before, and emphasized that I am against violence against anyone based on their ideas and viewpoints, he was quiet.

I gave him a supportive friend hug which he stayed in for way too long, and left. The next time I saw him was at breakfast where he always hunts me down to sit with me. He said he was going to go on a long rant during the weekly check in, and I was like “cool man you do you.” He opened the door for me when he followed me out and said “after you sir”, so I tried to lighten the mood by jokingly asking if he was misgendering me. He scoffed, and said if anyone had the right to be upset about that it was him. When I get to the check in, my “difficult” thing that week was my grandfathers passing. Everyone was extremely sympathetic and understanding...except for him. He ranted to us about how some meme on fourchan made him physically angry.

He was working himself up and making remarks about how I wasn’t listening, so I looked at him and said, “Dude, seriously, my grandfathers dead, and I am the one telling you to calm down. It’s just a meme.” He spent the rest of the time I was there whispering next to me about the meme (which had something to do with WW1), and he finally stood over me and asked if I really cared about politics. The girls next to be (bless them) got up and said, “Stop harassing her.” That seemed to get the message across more than me ignoring him, probably because they used the word “harass”. He heard I had to go to an event and last minute invited himself to it. That was when I just left without saying goodbye to anyone.

He went to the event, which was about autism acceptance, so I was careful not to appear like I was possibly “bullying him” during that time. When I said I couldn’t make it to the next game night because of my grandfather’s funeral, he mentioned he wasn’t going to go anymore anyway after what happened. That he didn’t “feel safe after what I did” and blah blah blah. When I nodded and tried talking with the others about the upcoming event, he looked at me and said, “You do remember what happened don’t you?” I begrudgingly said yes and I admit was clearly very annoyed.

On the car ride there, the person who was driving us (not a part of the group) made a polite remark about how this guy in question was a smart man and would figure out how to adjust his seat if given a moment. He got enraged and lectured us about how he was “gender non conforming” (Is that the same as non-binary? I don’t even know anymore) and to call him “they/them”. One of the more socially oblivious members said that the word “they” referred to a group of people, which got him on another tirade. That’s when I finally turned around and practically glared at him, telling him to calm his ass down while emphasizing that he didn’t make this gender identity issue clear to anyone else until literally right now.

He followed me around the entire event, and one of the leaders of the group pulled me aside to tell me he would stop this guy if I said the word. Like I said, I didn’t want to be mean to another person with autism at an event promoting acceptance, so I tolerated him as much as I could. I purposefully sat in different spots to avoid him during breakfast, he found me every time. I just didn’t engage him. I let him ramble and made a joke now and then. I know I should’ve ignored him altogether but there was a reason why I didn’t.

I was and am still scared of how aggressive he is and how he has expressed his approval for engaging in physical violence against those who oppose his ideas. I was also worried he’d accuse me of being transphobic or bigoted because I wanted to establish clearer boundaries and avoid him for a little while. He had a meltdown when the leaders of the group talked to him, and the LGBT center even told him that he has no right to be offended by incorrect pronoun usage when he doesn’t notify people of his pronouns at all.

Next time I saw him, he found me at breakfast again and had died his hair green. Dude literally looked like broccoli. He was wearing all black with sunglasses and insisted on following me back to the dormitory. He turned to me as I was ignoring him halfway through the walk and asked if he looked like a jackass, it took all of my strength not to turn to him and say “Of course you do, look at yourself!”

I’m going to be moving back for summer and idk if he/they is/are going to be there. I am scared shitless that he might go off the deep end on me. The worst part is that I would be seen as a perpetrator in this situation as he would take the identity of an oppressed gender nonconformist autistic individual. I’ve been in multiple situations where I have been blamed/punished for defending myself by authorities and it had a profound impact on my ability to stand up for myself.

This idea of me being treated or labelled as if I am some kind of bigoted transphobe which would possibly prevent me from getting a job or friends is keeping me up at night.

If you read through all of this, bless your heart. I am not sure what I can do, but I really don’t want to return to University because I am scared of this guy. He may not be intentionally being manipulative, but I have been extremely uncomfortable with him. I am so worried the minute I put my foot down, he will do something violent and direct his emotional aggression towards me...I have no idea what to do.

[hollowedrpg]

CONGRATULATIONS, EMILY! — You’ve been accepted for the role of Dorcas Meadowes. My favorite part of your application was your description of how Dorcas interacts with customers, because how she interacts with customers at the Three Broomsticks has a direct tie to how she interacts with everyone else. It really provided a nice snapshot of how you saw her personality and how you’d write her in-game, and I have complete faith you’ll do her justice. 

Thank you so much for applying. Please create your account and send in the link, track the right tags, and follow everyone on the follow list. Welcome to Hollowed Souls!

ooc.

name: Emily

age: (seventeen and up only) 28 years old

preferred pronouns: she/her 

timezone: pacific activity: on a scale of 1-10? I’d say probably hovering around a seven. I work full time and am a mother of two, but my job is really flexible, so I float around a lot and I lurk on my dash a TON.

are you applying for more than one character?: just Dorcas—for now. I’m tempted for others, but I’m putting my eggs in a basket, which is nerve wracking. 

how do you feel about your character dying?:  Well, that’s exciting and terrifying and definitely something that I would do myself if I was moderating, so fair question!

anything else?: (questions, concerns, etc.) Honestly, I absolutely love the look of this roleplay (not that you’re surprised by that at all I’m sure, I mean, you gave me little teasers to try and kill me anyways [don’t you dare think that I didn’t read the plotline when you sent me that darn HTML girl]) and I’m so excited to watch this blossom and bloom.

ic details.

full name: Dorcas Evelyn Meadowes

date of birth: canonly, unknown; April 23

former hogwarts house: Hufflepuff

sexuality: bi-sexual

gender/pronouns: (would you like to play this character as non-binary or trans? list it here.) she/her

face claim change: (if you’re requesting to change this character’s fc, list three alternatives in order of preference. all alternatives must be approved by the admin.) I love the face you picked, so I’m game for that.

more.

how do you interpret this character’s personality? how will you play them? include two weaknesses & two strengths.

Personality - Quality over quantity had been ingrained in her since she was young -- certainly because of the fact that sometimes in Quidditch it was better to just let the damn snitch go rather than catching it and letting your team lose. As a result, sometimes she might not be the most efficient barmaid, but she definitely was a favored one because she took the time to chat with the old guy that came in after his granddaughters Quidditch match or the young ones that were probably at the Three Broomsticks for the first time when it came to a drink. She gets along with people and is more than willing to grin and flirt if she needs to but mostly she’s more than willing to have a listening ear to those that want to talk, or that need a little bit of a nudge in the right direction to talk.

Playing - The ideal will be more soft spoken -- she’ll let people talk to her and she’ll open her ear so she’s able to listen to whatever it is that they’re going to talk about on that particular day. Flirting might be a necessity when it comes to being a barmaid, Dorcas certainly isn’t unfamiliar with that and is willing to take the few extra seconds on a patron for the good company and a decent tip, sometimes in more ways than just monetary. In public she certainly doesn’t go through and show a bias one direction or another in this war -- doing such would spell trouble for her in the long run and wouldn’t make people on Voldemort’s side feel as though they could share with her. Still, she doesn’t tend towards loud and boisterous unless the situation calls for it, and that is certainly once every blue moon.

+Driven

+Charismatic

-Spontaneous

-Perfectionistic

how has the war affected this character, emotionally and otherwise?

While it might not have her as hard in the face until recently just how bad this war could go, it wasn’t as though Dorcas could pretend to be oblivious. Between the patrons within the pub and fact that people were willing to spill more information to an open ear than they might to the next individual to approach them? Well, Dorcas had heard her fair share of stories from both sides of this war and neither of them were a pleasant experience for everyone’s man in the apartment next to them. Her life wasn’t necessarily privileged, but it certainly had it’s advantages above some of her former classmates and the worst thing that she had to experience was the fact that her parents had a certain standard that she had to achieve in Quidditch in order to be the right kind of Meadowes.

While the stress of the war didn’t seem real to her until the recent attack, with friends missing and nothing known as to their whereabouts? Well, she couldn’t completely pretend that she wasn’t more than a little afraid of what this would end up bringing in the end, whether it would mean a shift in how the wizarding world ended up moving forward or if it was just a flux. Still, it’d lead to every bit of quiet in the pub and the weeks after the attack the owl post had been eerily quiet while everyone tried to cope. Mostly though? Well -- now she was just frustrated that she wasn’t doing more, that she was back in London while everyone else coped with the losses while she was buried in piles of mail and firewhiskey. Still, if she was caught, she didn’t particularly dwell on what it would mean for her in the future.

Where does this character currently stand? with those who wish to hide in godric’s hollow until the war ends, with those who wish to rebuild the order and continue fighting the war, or on neither side? Why?

While Dorcas understands the break needed to recoup and evaluate what it was that needed to be done moving forward, to say that she’d be okay with using Godric’s Hollow as a hiding place would be a mistake. While she might not be in the direct action, she also wasn’t going to pretend that she was oblivious to the fact that there seemed to be more activity the longer that things continued. Something needed to be done and for what little she might know, she knew that hiding probably shouldn’t be on the list of discussion topics on how to help fight against Voldemort. Remaining still certainly had never done her any good over the years, that was something that she was certain of.

What’s some of the most interesting things Dorcas has learned while working at an owl post office?

Her personal favorite certainly was something accidentally stumbled upon that isn’t even of use to the Order with two high ranking ministry officials apparently having an ongoing affair together. While she’ll certainly never use this one to her advantage? Well, it definitely is amusing now when people mention their names together.

Another one of them was the reality of pieces to a puzzle being put together after the attack on the Order. By far the least productive measure that she had taken, but the most telling in the span of who had known that at least there was something that was going to be happening, Dorcas found that the reality was that there were likely far more people that had been involved with Voldemort than people realized, even if most of them were surface level.

How does she feel about continuing the task of working there and opening mail while most of the order hides in Godric’s Hollow?

Depending on the day, she can be frustrated and also be proud all in the same breath. While it meant that there were pieces of trust in her ability to work without anyone else around her, it certainly also made her feel more than a bit alienated from the rest of the group and occasionally a little bit clueless as to what was going on back in Godric’s Hollow. It certainly hadn’t made the situation easier, but it definitely did make her realize that she couldn’t go through and just pretend that the world was fine when the people that she was around most were trying to figure out the future of their organization.

[drink-n-watch]

  Let me tell you something, Montreal only exists in wave and snaps. Heat waves and cold snaps. That’s it. OK, here are maybe 4 days in October which are quite nice but the rest of the time… waves and snaps. We are currently in the former although I don’t think I have any right to complain considering what’s happening in Europe. But it’s all good when you have a cool anime to chill with on the weekend! How has your week been Crow? (Crow is bold, like brass!)

  So I’m brassy bold? I like that! I’m going through a wetter than typical Ohio summer, which means 90+ (Fahrenheit — I know, we’re behind the times here in the States!) and humidity that exceeds the theoretical maximum! But your point about Europe is well-taken! No complaints here!

  Let’s jump into it, shall we?

here we go

As you may recall, last week ended on Tanjiro interrupting Boar Boy as he was about to skewer Zenitsu for protecting Nezuko’s box. We got the few last seconds of episode 13 as an opening tag to get us in the mood and I must say, a bloodied Zenitsu desperately holding onto the box may just be my spirit animal!

I love your summary! Great word economy and it got me all caught up!

After the opening credits, we finally get the payoff to Tanjiro’s lunge and it was impressive. You could really feel that impact…for about half a second. Boar Boy is brash and difficult to take. He’s a violent dumb caricature that seems to be played for laughs, but when you are actively attempting to murder most of the main cast (in a series that has not been shy about killing off people), it’s not as funny as it could be. 

This said I liked the fight.

I want to be like him when I grow up

After having a few bones broken by Tanjiro’s punch and listening to a speech about how Demon Slayers don’t draw swords against each other, Boar Boy takes the most direct approach possible and decides to attack Tanjiro bare handed right then and there. There was a slight subversion of expectations at the beginning as Boar Boy seems utterly unphased, even unbothered by the situation, simply switching from one sparring partner to another. This made the character more interesting to me.

Moreover, the fighting choreography was beautiful. Boary has an unorthodox low fighting style that incorporates a lot of leg sweeps, kicks and impressive flexibility. Paired with ufotable’s great animation, it was just fun to watch. Which is good, cause this fight lasted a while. Did you enjoy it as well?

I did, for the same reasons you mentioned. I liked how it showed Tanjiro with a little more inner conflict than usual — he didn’t want to fight, but he was still really steamed about what Boar Boy tried to do to Nezuko. Also, we got another example of Tanjiro analyzing his opponent’s style and trying to adapt. I love those little insights. 

good time to have this type of discussion

Right at the end of the fight we finally get a Boar Boy reveal. We see his face I mean. Everyone in the show says he looks like a girl but I would not have noticed. Did he seem feminine to you Crow?

Honestly, no. Maybe I’ve seen Working!! too many times (remember how Souta Takanashi often had to dress as a woman to keep from triggering the crazy training Mahiru Inami’s dad had given her? Guess I kinda got used to the idea that features aren’t binary!), but he just looked like he had delicate features. I loved Tanjiro’s reaction to Boar Boy’s challenge asking if they had a problem with his face. “”We don’t have a problem with your face! It’s quite petite, fair-skinned, and therefore attractive!”

Could he be any more diplomatic? I think Tanjiro is weaponizing “nice,” which we see several times later in this episode! 

imagine him with a red shag and receiving hairline…face is pretty much the same as Tanjiro’s non?

For all intents and purposes, Tanjirou wins the fight and we have a few quiet moments as Zenitsu, Tanjiro and the kids make good on their promise to bury the victims as Inosuke (Boar Boy) recovers.

I thought it was sweet how both Tanjiro and Zenitsu used their kimonos as makeshift bedding for Inosuke. 

It really showed their character, didn’t it? Despite the beating Inosuke tried to give them, they still didn’t want to leave him lying unprotected on the ground. I’m warming up to Zenitsu more and more in this episode! Of course, we expect that level of consideration from Tanjiro. 

As soon as Inosuke wakes up though, he goes straight back to aggressive jerk mode, demanding to fight everyone. It’s here that we get the origin to what becomes a running joke throughout the episode (and I suspect the series). Namely, Inosuke almost obsessively trying to taunt Tanjiro into lashing out just to have the latter respond with oblivious kindness and compassion.

dude, the kids are worried about YOU

Sure that’s in line with Tanjiro’s character, but when you have small traumatized children and *Zenitsu* embarrassed for you, you may want to take a step back!

Even as I laughed at Tanjiro’s reaction, I had to wonder if nice raised to the level of obliviousness is a self defense mechanism? Or is there a small piece of Tanjiro that realizes how incensed his niceness is to Inosuke?

Since Tanjiro won’t fight him, Inosuke decides to headbutt threes at full speed instead, something else he will be doing for the rest of the episode. I’m not sure if this is a long-standing habit of Boar Boy’s or he is simply trying to toughen up his skull since Tanjiro won by headbutt.

Not sure that fracturing his skull will in any way toughen it! And besides, Tanjiro’s forehead apparently had Legendary Hardness(™). I really don’t think Insouke is going to be able to catch up!

good call!

Before they can finish properly giving their respects to the dead, Tanjro’s crow shows up and tells them it’s time to leave the mountain, which they do. Along the way, the kids decide to head home, leaving the three Demon Slayers on their own and oh boy….

Zenitsu goes back to being overzealous in his fantastic fear of everything, only now, he has a loud obnoxious character in the background. On more than one occasion Tanjiro looked like he just wanted to beat them both up right then and there. With everything that’s happened so far, I think this is the first time Tanjiro truly regretted joining the Demon Slayer corp!

Tanjiro’s expressions reminded me of a day care worker on their 12th hour of the day. Just ready to go home and sleep, but the screaming children still need to be supervised! 

I bet those kids were happy to leave

In a bit of almost ex machina luck, it seemed the three of them had been close to a private estate to serves as a Demon Slayer sanctuary due to an old family debt. And so, our three stoo… slayers now have a place to rest and heal up before continuing their adventures.

I see how you almost slipped there! Kinda thought the same thing myself. One saving grace? I think the Crow was leading there (always trust Crows — we’re innately trustworthy as a matter of professional pride!), so I don’t think it was random. 

However, the Crow leading them somewhere pleasant? I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop!

And that’s pretty much it. A series of shenanigans take place as all three boys show comical extremes of their personalities. It was like an intermission or a random slice of life episode thrown in and I have to admit…I didn’t really like it.

sorry

When you exaggerate them like that Zenitsu is annoying and Inosuke is obnoxious, while Tanjiro is just kind of boring. I wouldn’t call it awful, but it was my least favourite episode so far. And the backstory and development we get on Inosuke were so basic that they could have skipped it all together without much consequence. But you are usually a fountain of positivity, what did you think Crow???

No pressure! If I had to rank these first 14 episodes, this one would likely be at the bottom. What kept Inosuke from being a complete chariature was how Tanjiro’s weaponized politeness gradually wore him down. Before dinner, for example, Boar Boy was on the constant attack. At dinner, he even snatched foot right off of Tanjiro’s plate and obnoxiously chewed it right in his face! When Tanjiro offered him another bowl of food, saying Inosuke must be really hungry, I expected Boar Boy to slap away the food. Instead, he just glowered. That’s progress!

The TL;DR version: Tanjiro’s Legendary Kindness(™) might just transform Inosuke.

we got some fanservice though…

It’s really the last minutes that brought what I’ve been waiting for, for a few weeks now. Nezuko’s glorious and adorable return. I was so thrilled to see her. And just before she got back, there was a quiet and touching moment between Tanjiro and Zenitsu. It was lining up to be the best scene in the episode and… Zenitsu completely ruined it again.

He wasn’t very easy to follow but I think he was implying that Tanjiro joined the Demon Slayer Corp so that he could get a cute demon girlfriend and carry her around with him which is a weird conclusion to jump to, at best… 

But it’s the kind of conclusion a male of Zenitsu’s temperament would jump to! In high school, within my group of friends, if one of them managed to get a girlfriend, the rest would hassle him about it. Heck, look at Issei Hyoudou’s friends from High School DxD! They caught one glimpse of him with Rias Gremory and threatened him with bodily harm!

But you’re absolutely right: Seeing Nezuko emerge from the box was a beautiful moment. Given how terrified Zenitsu was of the opening box, when she emerged looking all adorable and stuff, all I could think was “Behold the terrifying demon! Tremble in her presence!”

In a wildly sarcastic way, of course.

boys are weird…

As it stands my favourite scene is the opening tag, which was a recap of the last episode so that should tell you something. I’m going to pretend that was a recap episode and just move on to the next one. On the upside, it still looked great!

Reviews of the Other Episodes

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 01: Cruelty

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 02: Trainer Sakonji Urokodaki

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 03: Sabito and Makomo

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 04: Final Selection

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 05: My Own Steel

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 06: A Friend fo All Humans

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 07: Muzan Kibutsuji

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 08: The Smell of Enchanting Blood

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 09: Temari Demon and Arrow Demon

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 10: Together Forever

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 11: Tsuzumi Mansion

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 12: The Boar Bears Its Fangs, Zenitsu Sleeps

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba Episode 13: Writers are A Pain

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Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba Episode 14: You Need To Calm Down! Let me tell you something, Montreal only exists in wave and snaps. Heat waves and cold snaps.