#I’m never given the right to make my own decisions or be involved in decisions including me

[kavehater]

Okay hot take but I just hate it when people order you around to get better

[lasciviouspoison]

story time: how ignored my bf and then had the best sex ever!!

omg another kinktober post?? i’m on a roll!! lol, but i wrote this so long ago and never published it, please don’t hate me :( tw: chubby!reader x eren, black!reader x eren, hate!fucking, bratty!reader, mean!dom eren, overall, eren’s a meanie and u like it!

eren had never been that good of a listener. in fact, he took pride in his ability to tune out any and everyone. 

it was something you desperately tried to rid him of. 

of course he would listen to you when you needed him, always being a supportive and attentive boyfriend. but, there were times when you could feel him drifting away from the conversation. although it wasn’t always intentional, it didn’t make it hurt any less. 

and you’d tried everything to break this habit, yet, nothing worked. however, you figured that since nothing else worked on eren, giving him a taste of his own medicine might kickstart some change.

so, you made the executive decision that if he would not listen to you, then you would simply not listen to him. 

after having a long day of classes, eren finally was able to come home to you. despite being frustrated, he just wanted to see his pretty little girlfriend and rant a bit about his day. nothing too complex, right?

wrong. 

“I don’t see why I'm always involved in these fucking group projects. it always ends up with me doing the work and everyone expecting their name to be put down. I'm so over this shit yn, you have no fucking idea”. eren explained while cooking dinner. it was something he would do to relieve stress, a useful habit if you will. 

“mhm” was all you muttered from the couch. sure, you knew you were being a bitch, but you didn't care. eren had just done something similar to you last week, so it was well within your right to break even. 

“are you even listening to me?” eren peaked his head out from around the kitchen wall only to find you staring at the book that sat atop the lavender blanket strewn across your legs. 

“yeah, sure am.” 

eren walked over to you and squatted down, capturing your jaw in his hand and forcing eye contact, “well, what did I say?” 

eren really was an intimidating man. while his green eyes bore into your own, you couldn’t help but think about how big he was. both in stature and presence, your boyfriend really wasn’t someone to fuck around with. and as each part of eren was strong and foreboding, so was your will.

you shook your head out of his grasp and returned to your book, “i’m not entirely sure, something about a project. I honestly don’t care that much.” you knew were being harsh, but you needed him to feel it. 

eren’s head cocked to the right, and you could feel his confusion, “did I do something?”

you looked up from your book once more, fixing your glasses, “no ren, you did nothing”.

he squinted his eyes, “okay …. so why are you acting like that?”

“like what?”

he stood to his full height and placed his hands on his hips, “like you don’t care about what I'm saying.”

you closed the book, lifted the blanket from your legs and stood up, “because I don't”.

you began walking to the bedroom, knowing that eren was hot on your heels. you had to speed walk to prevent him from catching your arm. 

after finally making it into the room, you didn’t realize that you had given eren the perfect opportunity to cage you in and make you speak.

“fuck you mean you don’t care? what I do to you?” the bass in his voice was causing reverberations to go through your chest but you held your ground. you were tired of him not listening to you and if it caused an argument to break him out of it, then so be it 

“you don’t listen to me, so why the fuck do I gotta listen to you?! that shit aint fair to me and I'm tired of being fair to you”. 

suddenly, eren stiffened and your heart dropped. while tension hung heavily in the air, he was looking you up and down, almost like he was sizing you up. you could tell he was staring at your tits through the sheer material of your tank top, but you made no effort to hide. if anything, you felt like puffing your chest out more to show that you weren’t fucking around. 

“so you decided to act like a fuckin brat because I don't listen sometimes, is that it? you’ve suddenly decided that you don’t care about me or the things I say anymore, is that right?” he was nothing but an arms length from you, yet eren made no move to touch you.

“eren I never said I don’t care about you-”

eren put both of his hands to your face, squishing your chubby cheeks together, “nah, nah, don’t try to back down now. you wanna act like you don’t care about me, then I'll act like I don't care about you.” he was talking to you like a child with his voice slightly over a whisper. it scared you more than him yelling. 

“what does that mean?” your eyes were a little teary, so eren knew he had to wrap this up before you started to get the wrong idea.

“it means I'm gonna fuck you like I don't care about you, just for now. and then, when we’re done, we can talk about my lack of listening. okay?” his eyes were dark and his nose was brushing yours. you weren’t sure whether to be turned on or angry. 

before you knew it, he pushed your body onto the bed and removed his shirt. hurriedly, he pulled down your sleeping shorts and pulled up your tank top. 

“eren can you slow down-“ was all you could get out before he drug your body to the farthest edges of the mattress, causing your butt to hang off the bed. he threw your legs over his shoulders and gripped your ankles tightly.

he was looking down at you in a way you’d never seen before. it was almost like he was looking through you, like you weren’t a person, but an object to take his frustration out on.

“not even g’nna get to kiss u. see what happens when you’re a brat?” he swatted his hand down to the side of your right thigh, causing you to hiss.

you opened your mouth to talk but eren simply filled it with his fingers. you gagged a couple times from the pressure, but he was unfazed. he simply collected the spit from your mouth and slathered it over your pussy, making you wetter than you already were.

he dropped to his knees and drug his nose over your panties. you started to reach down towards his hair, but before you could fully grasp him, he pushed you away and bit your thigh.

“stupid fucking girl wants to try and ignore me. i’ll give you something to ignore. ion wanna hear shit from that mouth, understand?” you can feel his warm breath fan your pussy and it’s making you dizzy.

he slaps your pussy and you whimper, “i asked you a question little girl, answer it.”

you shake your head yes, not wanting to anger him any further by speaking. he barely acknowledges you and rips your panties off. you wanted, so badly, to moan at his aggressiveness, but you opted to keep silent.

meanwhile, eren was eating your pussy like a man starved. while he claimed to wanna fuck you like he didn’t care about you, he couldn’t help but to lick on the all spots that made you whine. he knew your pussy better than you did, and he was determined to show you.

he pulled his head back, shiny from your slick, and pushed his middle and ring finger into your weeping hole. “ya think ion listen? think i don’ care? you think id know how to make this cunt cry if i didn’t?”

you could barely see eren due to the tears blurring your vision. you wanted to scream out his name and apologize, but you held your tongue and continued to writhe in pleasure on the bed.

eren could feel your pussy clench and gush on his hand, so much so that a little puddle began to form in his palm. he laughed at the sight and ducked his head back down to lick at your clit. he knew just how much you loved to see his head between your legs, so he wanted to put on a show for you. he made a point to look you dead in your eyes while his tongue glided over your puffy clit, watching you bite down on your pretty lips to prevent any noise from spilling out. he watched you grip those pretty titties he loved as your head pushed further into the pillows. if he wasn’t so hell bent on punishing you, eren knew that he’d be fisting his cock at the sight.

he could feel you hold your thighs back from clenching around his head and he chuckled into your pussy, the vibrations causing your back to arch off the bed. he took the hand that wasn’t inside you and pushed your body back down, ensuring that you wouldn’t be able to run away from him.

just before you reached your orgasm, eren pulled his mouth and hand away, slapping your pussy a few times before standing up again.

without talking, eren gathered up some of your essence and slathered it along his dick. little groans and moans were making their way out of his mouth and you stared up at him starry eyed. he looked so pretty standing over you. pretty pouty lips open slightly, eyes sitting slow with his long lashes fanning his face. even the small and slightly out of place hairs on his head were perfect in this moment. before you knew it, you began to whine and rub your thighs together. if he was gonna fuck you like this, you at least wanted him to be quick about it.

he opened his fully eyes and sneered, “thought i told ya to keep quiet? and you say i don’t listen”.

his tongue ran over his teeth and he bent down to your face. without a word and nothing more than a stare, he slid his dick between your pussy. hitting your clit with every move he made.

finally, you reached your breaking point, “oh eren please. i’m sorry! i swear i’m sorry, i wont do it ever again just please fuck me!” the desperation in your voice was hurting him. he knew that you were showing him how you felt and it’s why he’s been trying to work on his listening habits. but, his internal growth isn’t all too important at the moment.

instead of responding to your pleas, eren covered your mouth with his hand and brought his face closer to yours. “keep talkin and i’ll shove your panties in your mouth. take this dick and shut up”, was all he said before he gripped his dick, tapped it on your clit a few more times, and slipped it in with a pop.

with a muffled “fuck” leaving your mouth and a slight groan from his, eren’s head lulled into your neck. finally, he started fucking you with a furry you’ve never felt before. granted, eren is great in bed. he’s rough sometimes, gentle on others, and is willing to try anything once. but for some reason, his lack of respect for you has turned your body and brain into nothing but mush.

“ah fuck princess, you’re squeezin’ too tight” he said before gripping your hips with both hands, removing the one placed on top of your mouth.

even though he told you to hush, you knew eren couldn’t stay mad for much longer. “can you, fuck - ugh, eren can you please look at me?”

he took his head out from the crook of your neck and hovered over you, all the while never slowing down his thrusts. with him still giving you this look of carelessness, he gripped your face hard and let out a severely stern “open”.

you opened your mouth and he spit into it, softly groaning after feeling you immediately clench around him. you swallowed and stuck your tongue back out just how he likes it, and you swore you saw a bit of a smile flash over his face.

“‘m gonna cum rennie. can i please?” you said as your eyes rolled back. you never had to tell eren when you were gonna cum, he always knew. the slight shake in your legs and the slight twitch of your eye were tell tale signs of a quickly approaching orgasm.

still keeping with his angry facade, he gave a quick “do what you want”. not before coating his thumb with spit and rubbing quick circles on your clit. just how you like it of course.

“oh fuck ren…i’mcummingi’mcummin- ah!” he kept going despite your pleas and the feeling of your cum splashing onto his stomach. his all time goal was making his woman feel good and if overstimulating, see borderline killing, her was the case, then he’d do it.

after feeling your body calm down, eren pulled out of you and flipped you onto your stomach. “stick your ass in the air”.

still coming down from your orgasm, your movements were a bit delayed. moving too slow for eren’s liking, he picked your hips up and propped you up on your knees himself, quickly fucking back into you.

it didn’t take long before his strokes got sloppy. you felt him grip your hair and pull. as your head flung backwards, very hard, if i may add, you could feel eren’s cum shoot deep into you, slowly filling you to the brim.

after a few seconds of heavy breathing and slow grinding, eren pulled out of you, gave your pussy a kiss, and left. he returned shortly after with a rag and began to wipe you clean.

as your body fell to the side, you were able to face eren once more. no longer were his eyes empty, but they were full of care and concern.

“do you need anything? water or a snack? i was more rough on you than usual so i wanna make sure you don’t feel funny”. his eyes were so expressive, voice so soft, and his hands were so warm. it’s crazy to think that this soft and sweet boy was just fucking into you with no remorse not even five minutes ago.

you shook your head, “no, i’m alright”. the sudden raspiness of your voice caught the both of you by surprise, causing your hand to immediately grab at your throat.

eren picked you up and sat you upright. he ran his hands over your neck, checking your lymph nodes and general neck area. “your throat feels fine, it’s probably just really dry from not talking. i’m gonna grab you some water, don’t move!” he said before running off. ‘typical nursing student’, you thought to yourself, trying not to laugh.

when he returned, he held the bottle to your lips, refusing to allow you to move a muscle.

after taking down some water, eren soon began, “listen. i know i’m not the best listener. i’ve been trying to get better, but i know it still upsets you and i’m sorry. i’m not mad at you for acting that way, it just shows me that, that’s how it feels. i’m gonna get better, i swear i am. so please don’t be upset with me anymore”. his green eyes were so sad looking, it was like looking at a puppy.

you ran a hand over his cheek and smiled, “promise im not upset baby. thank you for telling me you’ll try harder. i can’t wait to see it”. he tucked some of your hair behind your ear before pulling you into a deep kiss.

soon, the two of you fell back into your peaceful afternoon routine. after your shared shower, eren went back to the kitchen and started back with dinner. thankfully he was cognitive enough to shut the stove off before hand. finally, you returned to your spot on the couch, book in hand and a newly positive attitude.

[cultofdixon]

I love you, please don’t push me away

Daryl Dixon • She/Her Pronouns • “Can I see it…” “since when did you start to care about me again?” “I’ve lost too much. I ain’t gonna lose yea now” • ANGST/SFW • TW: Canon Violence [Mentioned] / Injuries / Messy Confessions / Anxiety Attacks / Nightmares / PTSD

Requested by: Anon

Nothing tears these two apart, well. Except that time with the Governor but every fiber of their being magnetized toward the other.

Y/N and Daryl, inseparable. But never an item even if there is a running bet between Rick and Carol over how long it’ll take.

The run down?

Daryl never saw himself relate with any of the other members in the quarry. Except for this other lone wolf type that would wander out of bounds to hunt, like him. And ignore Shane’s stupid rule, like him and Merle. And also have a short fuse just like him.

He stumbled across this person during his own hunt finding the woman bashing in the skull of a walker. She turned around when she noticed she was stumbled upon by a living being, her body relaxed when realizing who it was. Which was a new feeling to Daryl.

“Shane sent yea out or what”

“Nah fuck that pig. Was tracking a deer”

“You mean that deer” The woman pointed to the hanging animal from the tree as Daryl gave the whole scene a concerned look. “Camping tips can help in the end of the world”

“Bear tactics”

“Exactly. Tie up your shit so bears don’t get it. But hell you’ve got sickos. Might as well apply those tactics to these fucks” She kicked the dead creature while pulling out her knife. “I’m uh. Y/N. By the way…you ain’t very talkative in the camp”

“Neither are yea.” He scoffs. “‘M Daryl”

“Welp. Now you’ve got a friend.” Y/N untied the deer letting it hit the ground by Daryl’s feet. “And if we’re gonna be friends. You can carry that for me, to avoid the Walker guts getting on everybody’s dinner”

“What do I get for doing this?”

“Mmm…I’m pretty good at making arrows” Y/N shrugs watching the pondering look grow on Daryl’s face before he knelt down and picked up the deer heading back to the camp while she happily follows behind.

That first moment brought an instant connection that Daryl didn’t realize. Until he got shitty news.

“You left my brother? On a fucking roof?” Daryl snaps and right before the archer got close to hitting the stranger, Y/N stepped between the two along with Shane’s help. Not that she needed it.

“Who do you think you are to make that decision?”

“Rick Grimes, deputy—-“

“Nah. I ain’t dealing with another pig thinking he can boss everybody around” Y/N cuts him off as she stood her ground even if it didn’t entirely involve her. “How would you feel if you were left behind? Left for dead” She knew her words struck a few in the crowd, specifically Shane and Lori.

“I was left behind” Rick suddenly got up in Y/N’s face not liking her attitude but right as he did, Daryl didn’t hesitate to loom from behind her making him back up.

“And how the fuck did that make you feel?”

That brought a lot of her character out to Daryl and everyone else. She was defensive and it was clear, when she gets close to someone…she has to protect them in some way.

When the invasion happened on the camp, Daryl never been more driven by his anxiety and his fear until he thought he’d lose the closest person he’s liked in the longest time. He took out a walker coming up behind Y/N when she wasn’t paying attention. The thankful look in her eyes spoke enough even if after taking care of the walkers, Daryl subtly scanned her person as he helped the others pile up the dead.

The plan to head to the CDC was a gamble, but the ride there brought more out of the two. Given Y/N loaded up in Daryl’s truck not wanting to be stuck in the RV.

“Why’d yea defend me back when we found out they left Merle?”

“Honest?”

“Mhm”

“He’s your family, whether he annoys you or not…you’d still want him in your life” Y/N leaned her head against the window fiddling with the ends of her sleeves. “And hell. I’m done letting others walk all over people. Just cuz they haven’t been in their shoes before”

Daryl felt himself grip the steering wheel wanting to ask a question but given the lighthearted feel going on between the two, he didn’t want to taint it full of uncomfortable tension.

“Who did yea lose”

“My baby brother” Y/N frowns reaching into her backpack taking out a journal that held a Polaroid of the two on a camping trip with their parents. “I…I don’t think he’s dead but, haven’t found him since outbreak day and Glenn took me back to that camp even when every fiber of my being didn’t want to stop looking”

“Do yea entirely trust these people?”

“I trust you. But that’s cuz you’re not keeping bullshit. Yea state yer mind if you have to. Hopefully the new world doesn’t beat that out of yea”

The CDC was a weird experience. A time to feel like they were in the old world once more. Just under a different roof and drowning out reality with alcohol.

Daryl was the last to shower even if it took him some time to get there given the man had drank a bit too much. But as he entered the room he was sharing with the other single in their group, which obviously was Y/N. She lifted her head to the sound of stumbling and saw the exhaustion rise in his expression as he stumbles onto the couch she sat on. She tossed her book on her bag giving Daryl an opportunity to use her lap as a pillow turning toward her and laying there in silence for a moment. Closing his eyes and doing the best he could to fall asleep even when a part of him fought to stay awake to spend this time with Y/N. Y/N on the other hand, pulled the blanket from her shoulders and covered the man laying on her…resting a hand on his side feeling him shift to get comfortable mumbling a bit to himself.

“Don’t ever wanna lose yea…”

Those words struck a bit to Y/N and even if he didn’t remember saying that last night, she knew by the way he covered her when Rick tossed the grenade to escape the CDC…

That he meant it.

Their bond was growing to others in a beautiful way but to the pair it was weird…confusing…and a bit beautiful in its own way. But it brought certain anxiety that the other never wanted to feel in a world like this.

The farm became a temporary safe haven, and the word temporary was definitely engraved in few’s minds because of how Hershel felt toward them. At first it was to save Carl’s life and thankfully he did…next was to fix what Andrea did.

“Oh my god. Is he alive—-“

“Step the fuck back” Y/N snaps at the poor girl who kept her distance from the situation. And Y/N. The bitch scared her.

“At least we have some idea of where Sophia can be. Now we can retrace Daryl’s steps”

“Nah, I’m comin’ with yea”

“You won’t be doing much activity at least for a few days.” Hershel reminds him of his injuries only for the archer to grow annoyed but his frustration grew slightly when he noticed Y/N glaring at him.

Once he was left alone after Carol gave him his dinner and a thanks for never giving up on her daughter, Y/N came in about an hour later with clothes for him and before she even made it to the door…Daryl grabbed her wrist.

“What’s up yours? Yea been quiet since I came back or well until after yea scared the shit out of Andrea. Yeah fucking Rick told me what happened the—-“ Daryl stopped speaking when he saw the tears in her eyes making him let go and her freeze like a deer in headlights.

“You shouldn’t have gone out by yourself”

“Y/N, I did what I had to. Others given up”

“Don’t. Go. By. Yourself.” Y/N hissed wiping away the tears that started to burn. “Yea ain’t alone anymore. Ain’t needing to do this shit by yourself and get yourself killed. Yea may think nobody would care if you were gone but somebody does. So watch it.” She frowns leaving on that note.

Daryl didn’t know that she felt that way toward him and there were plenty of other moments like that. For either of them.

The reunion on the freeway after the farm went up in flames. Daryl got Carol out of there on his bike, feeling his anxiety get the best of him when he didn’t find Y/N until she came running through the woods and he didn’t hesitate for a second to run at her. Bringing the tired girl into his embrace thankful she didn’t die in the flames or in the mouths of the undead.

The time the group raided Woodbury to save their own and Daryl was shoved out of the way of a bullet that embedded into Y/N’s shoulder. Thank god Hershel got it out. When he came back after leaving the first time with his brother, he couldn’t get that mental image of the disappointment written all over her face. But that was all forgiven, given she would’ve left too if it was her problematic brother.

Once the fight of Woodbury was done and people were flooding into the prison, making itself its own community…Daryl felt a sense of jealousy when watching others outside of their original group talk to Y/N who seem to be expanding their social circle. He was brewing and it was obvious to Carol.

“You’re gonna blow a fuse”

“What?” Daryl brought his attention back to reality and noticed Carol joining him beside him. “Shit.”

“What? Got spotted? We all know how much you like’er. Why didn’t yea do anything sooner?”

“It’s the end of the world.”

“Okay. Stating the obvious. So?” Carol elbows him to be told more as Daryl kept his eyes on Y/N watching her turn to him shooting him a smile.

“If I act on my feelings, and worry about another…on that level, I’ll lose her”

Carol knew Daryl felt a bit at fault for Sophia dying, including his own brother. But Y/N is a strong person. Hell she’s the one that saved them back at the outbreak in the quarry, she knows that girl can hold her ground…and she knows, how much he means to her.

“You won’t lose her…Don’t push her away”

Those words rang through his head as he found himself smoking outside the prison walls and Y/N joining him after her shift in the watchtower. The silence grew between the two even if they spent most of their time together in comfortable silence. But this was different and Y/N knew this.

“Did I do somethin’?”

“Nah” Daryl tosses the cigarette on the floor putting it out with his foot. “This ain’t worth it”

“What’s not?” She furrowed her brows confused at first as Daryl got up from his spot. “Daryl—“

“This!” He gestures to the two of them with a growing frown on his face. “It ain’t fucking worth worrying about. I can’t live like this for the rest of my life. Stressin’ over what might happen” and it clicked to Y/N as her eyes met his only for him to turn away. “Don’t. I can’t.”

“Daryl but—-“

“No. We can’t”

Another word was said because Daryl went back inside leaving Y/N outside to think about what the hell just happened. But more importantly…just…break.

The two haven’t really talked since then. Or hung around the other. The only time they would interact is when Rick asked them to go on a run, or for the council meetings for their small community. Daryl expanded and got close with other people while Y/N found herself back in the same mindset at the quarry before she extended herself to Daryl.

In the end you’re on your own.

But that never lasted because of the connection she had with him and with the others. The sickness, her angry feelings were pushed aside so that she could work with him on getting the medicine. Then when it got to their people, Y/N distanced herself from Daryl once more. This time his regret settled in in its entirety and wasn’t expressed until after the attack.

“Aren’t you and Y/N supposed to be close?”

“Why’re you bringing that up…”

“Getting to know you I guess” Beth frowns sitting across from the archer fiddling with some thread around his wrist.

“She was my best friend, that I love…and pushed away”

Beth watched as the pain when saying such brought its expression in his frown and the tears that he tried desperately not to fall.

…

“And I don’t think I’ll ever get him back” Y/N frowns sitting with Michonne in front of the fire she made for them.

“Daryl’s strong. He’ll come back to you. Even if…you two aren’t anything but friends. You two just. Gravitate toward each other naturally”

Y/N shot Michonne a smile when she said such, but during her watch while the swordsman slept, she couldn’t help the tears that fell off her face.

Michonne was right about the two gravitating toward each other. They always found the other in whatever situation they were in. Even if the most recent was the incident with the claimers, then the other with the general hospital, and finally reaching Alexandria.

And Y/N needed a minute.

“Y/N. Deanna only agreed to yea going out if it’s—-“

“I’m just sticking close. Won’t even need a goddamn car. I just. I need a minute. And I can’t get that in another confined area” Y/N frowns already geared up to head out of Alexandria. “I’ll be back before it’s too late in the day, and if I’m not. Then you can come and get me…”

Rick gave the girl a worried look, but agreed to let her go. He didn’t trust it there either and was surprised by how others are settling in.

When the sherif headed back to his group’s houses, he found Daryl standing outside of the one Carol took up with Y/N. He looked anxious from what he got first spotting the archer.

“Hey”

Daryl quickly turned toward his brother seeing the confused look. “What”

“What are you waitin’ for?”

“Courage. Fuck if I know”

“Courage for what?” Rick brought himself closer as Daryl stepped away from the door to sit on the steps.

“To talk to Y/N again. Repair what I fucking tore apart back at the prison…Before Beth and I got separated, she told me not to let a good thing go. And Carol snapped at me one of the first nights here about the same thing”

“Well. I hate to break it to yea. But she ain’t home” Rick watches the archer shot up from his spot with a you serious? look on his face. “Yeah. She needed some air. Stepped out of Alexandria”

“And yea think she’s gonna come back? After all the shit I fuckin’ said”

“You said back at the prison. Some part of her wouldn’t leave from something that happened some time ago. And there will always be a part of her, connected to yea at all times.” Rick put his hands on his hips. “She doesn’t like it here just like you. So she needed a breather.”

“If she doesn’t come back before night fall—-“

“We’ll go get’er. Alright?” He reassures the man before going back on his patrol.

She made it before nightfall.

Emphasize on the “made it” part.

“Where the hell have you been? You were supposed to help in the infirmary” Spencer, one of Deanna’s sons, got up in Y/N’s face when she first stepped back in. More so caring about the fact that she wasn’t at her job compared to the amount of blood on her. “What the fuck did you do?”

Few residence, more so her group coming close to listen to someone they didn’t know go off on one of their own.

“Why did you ignore Dean—-“

“Your mother’s.”

“Fine. My mother’s orders. You had a job to do and instead you went out doing who knows what outside the walls. Don’t you like it here? Don’t you like being safe here for once? Clearly yea—-“

“Step away from her now.” Michonne cuts in once she noticed the fists Y/N formed and the shaking her body was undergoing. “Some of us are still adjusting. You need to understand that and if you don’t, talk to your mother or I’ll let her hurt you” she states watching him stand his ground one last time.

“Turn in the weapons you took out, then I’ll—“ Spencer stops to the sound of Y/N’s bag dropping to the ground and watching her unclip the magazine of her gun and unloaded the one in the chamber before handing it to Michonne and walking past.

Y/N avoided everyone’s looks and focused on getting back to Carol’s. Even if every fiber of her being wanted to collapse in the middle of Alexandria and let the darkness settle in. But none of them knew what was happening. She just continued on her way.

“Where the hell have you been?” Carol asks when she heard the door open ignoring the rest of what Daryl was saying. Granted it was about the girl that entered.

“Needed air. Got too much of it” Y/N chokes up a bit gripping onto the stairs’ railing with one hand as the other went straight for her side taking her hand off to see the blood soaking through. “I’m gonna shower. Too much Walker blood…but uh. Is the first aid kit in the bathroom?”

Carol pulled herself away from the kitchen counter heading toward Y/N who had her back turned to her on the steps. While Daryl slide off the bar stool bringing himself within earshot.

“What happened?”

“I just cut my hand…”

“You’re covered in blood. Is it—-“

“It’s not mine. Just walkers I got stuck dealing with”

“Are you bit?”

“I wouldn’t have come back if I was” She felt a lot of the pain return to her body in that moment as she continued on the way to the bathroom leaving both confused.

You’ve always been a disappointment Y/N.

Hell. Look at me. Finally proving to this world that I’m worth something

Y/N couldn’t stand and found herself sitting in the shower letting the water wash off the dried blood but also the running. She held onto the edge of the tub feeling everything as she tried her best not to stream in pain.

Her body flinched to the sound of knocking and that resulted in the pain induced tears to finally shed.

“What.”

“Got you clothes” Daryl states from the other side of the door with clothes in hand but he couldn’t help his eyes from wandering around the room to see the blood soaked clothes and the hand print on the door. “Y/N. What happened?”

“Please…go away, Daryl”

“Nah…not this time” Daryl pressed his forehead against the door. “I ain’t leaving and I know you’re hurt…”

“I-I…” Y/N sobbed gripping harder onto the ceramic trying not to focus on the pain in her side.

“Can I see it…” He felt his heart clench hearing her wince from the other side of the door followed by choked off sobs.

“since when did you start to care about me again?”

Daryl sighs tossing the clothes on the dresser by the door and resting his hands on it. “I’ve lost too much. I ain’t gonna lose yea now” he frowns not hearing any sound come out from the other side. “Y/N?”

Something’s wrong…

There’s always been something wrong and he knew there was more to it. She just wanted to take care of it without anyone realizing. But of course she couldn’t get past the person who holds her heart.

The door was suddenly kicked open and Y/N had no strength to react except for bringing her eyes to follow his movements. Daryl gently took a hold of her face seeing the damage there along with what was happening to the rest of her body. He quickly turns off the water and as his lips moved, she didn’t register a single thing. All she did was close her eyes.

“You…were always their favorite” The youngest L/N shook in his sister’s embrace feeling the end draw near as Y/N couldn’t help the tears that spilled. “I never…got to show’em up…”

“I should have never stopped looking…I shouldn’t have left home…left you”

“Mm…” He coughs a bit as the blood splattered on Y/N’s face. “It don’t matter anymore…T-This is what I d-deserve…”

“No…no you didn’t. I should’ve found you…you would’ve loved the people I’m with…this is my fault” Y/N sobbed holding her brother tighter as he gave her one last smile.

“Yea survived…just keep doing so”

As the breath faded from his lungs and more of his group surrounded the house they were held up in. Y/N had to pull it together long enough to take care of the rest, even on her last legs. Because she would’ve found a way to bring her brother in, but as for the others?

No one is following her back to her family.

A soft groan escapes her lips, alerting the archer sitting beside her bed. He brought his chair closer carefully taking her hand into his thinking she would reject it, but instead she gave it a firm squeeze indicating some of her strength is back and that she didn’t want him to go.

“Yea lost a lot of blood…and I got mad at the surgeon here”

“Mm. Typical Daryl behavior” Y/N sighs gently grazing her thumb against his knuckles. “Last I remember…was being in the shower”

“You were in the bath as the shower ran. I don’t know how Imma explain the blood bath, literally, to Carol. But she did help me get yea here” Daryl frowns seeing the exhaustion in her expression but more focused on the black eye and bruised cheek on her left side when she turned to him. “Carried yea out in a blanket. Got bitchy when he lingered too close”

“Please tell me I got dressed after…that someone helped me. And the strange man that stared at me when we first met didn’t see my goods long”

“Imma kill him next time he does, but nah. Maggie came in with clothes”

“Everybody knows?”

“Doesn’t know why. But yeah…I…I did come running out, Y/N. Yelling for somebody. Felt…lost.” He frowns, straightening up when Y/N started to sit up. The grimace growing on her face made Daryl feel as if an ice pick went straight for his heart.

Y/N watches as Daryl got up from his seat he went to grab another blanket when he felt her grip tighten and a wince escape her lips from him pulling.

“Sorry—-I’m sorry. Fuck. I just—-“

“I can do without another…please just sit with me” She begged and she had the same look on her face like she did at the time of their fight in the prison. Something he’ll never forget. “I don’t…I can’t stand another second without you. Even if it’s just a few feet away…”

Instead of sitting in the chair, Daryl brought himself to sit on the edge of the bed holding her hand seeing the bruises on her knuckles. He kept finding more of what happened…and it upset him not knowing.

“Daryl…”

“Yeah?”

“Just ask”

Daryl didn’t want to. He didn’t want to know the pain she endured and how it happened. But he wanted to know who he had to fuck up.

“I got ambushed…by raiders in masks. I took out like…four of them…got the shiner and knocked down by the fifth…only to shoot him right in the ribs and as he dropped..” She squeezed her eyes shut biting the inside of her cheek trying to stop the tears. “I found out…it was my brother…” the tears fell stating such as Daryl soften squeezing her hand with the one she held while the other carefully wiped them away. “Then when he died…I couldn’t risk the others following…and took them out…even if it almost killed me”

“I’m sorry…”

“It’s…well, it’s not fine. But that’s keeping me going. Just saying it is…that he’s not in this hell of a world anymore…”

“never looked at it like that…when Merle died. Took the blame and ran with it”

“You carry too much of the blame for things…when a good chunk of it was never your fault” Y/N frowns tugging him forward enough for her to lean comfortably forward pressing her forehead against his. “This is one of’em. You blame yourself. I break your knee caps. This wasn’t your fault…”

“I should’ve never hurt yea back at the prison…I missed you. I miss you and you’re right here”

“Daryl…” Y/N brought her soft, tiny hands to hold the archer’s face feeling him relax in her touch. “I love you…so please, don’t push me away”

The tears that fell between the two was found in comfortable silence. Only a comfort the two share with each other. Daryl moved her hands so that he could gently bring her into his embrace holding her.

“I won’t…I promise”

[theminecraftbee]

“So I’m beginning to think I’m the problem,” Impulse says, and given Bdubs didn’t even know he was there it makes him jump a bit.

“Hey! Don’t sneak up like that! We were just playing a death game, don’t go standing in my blind spot!” Bdubs shouts, pointing as he does.

Impulse snorts. “I think you’d recognize someone stabbing you in the back either way. I know I would.”

Bdubs scowls. “Hey!” He’s ready to defend himself—he’d have you know he didn’t stab nobody in the back this time around! He was loyal to Cleo and Scar until the end, no matter how many jokes about Etho they made! And, you know, just because he wanted Etho to be with him too—wanted TIES back because so screw him maybe he regrets Team BEST a little—wanted, wanted, wanted, wanted—

Bdubs pauses. Bdubs closes his mouth again and thinks.

“What do you mean, you’re the problem?” he says, instead of any of that.

Impulse shrugs lightly. “I mean, this time, it wasn’t you who betrayed me. No clocks involved at all, just good-old-fashioned letting down my guard. Stupid me, right?”

Bdubs frowns harder. “That’s stupid,” he declares.

“I killed you by the way,” Impulse adds. “I know it was unclear. I was excited about it.”

“Oh, yeah, I know, I figured out afterwards, really rude of you, you know, I was fighting someone else. Basically kill stealing. I’m impressed. Good job.”

Impulse blinks. “Thank you?” he says.

“You’re welcome!” Bdubs says.

“You were supposed to—”

“You aren’t a problem, you’re a solution,” Bdubs says, finally having figured out his response to the earlier statement. “Oh, by the way, Mom carved some new stuff on your clock. She called me her favorite.”

“None of what you just said makes sense,” Impulse says, frustrated. “Don’t you get it? I finally got back at you and I’ve realized that fine, I don’t need to blame you for stabbing me, apparently it’s my fault!”

“Hey! Don’t take away my brilliant decision-making skills! I stabbed you in the back perfectly on my own, thank you very much. And I stabbed no one in the back this time. I—I—you made it to the top two for team BEST you know! I mean, TIES? Don’t ask me questions.”

Impulse stares at Bdubs for a while. Bdubs stares back. He’s very handsome. Perfect to go with someone like himself. They were the most handsome soulmates, back when they did that, and now—

“You know what, I’ll never understand you,” Impulse says.

“That’s good. I’m trying not to allow that. People are looking right now and I’ve gone to great effort to hide everything that makes me understandable, this go around. I think what’s in my head should stay secret.”

“This was pointless,” Impulse says. “Why did I come over here? This hasn’t made me feel any better at all.”

“…I could give you a clock,” Bdubs murmurs.

Impulse laughs, and laughs, and laughs at that. Bdubs doesn’t think it was very funny, but to tell the truth, no matter how much he’s acting to hide the thoughts he would hope no one saw, he doesn’t find it very funny either. He just finds it sad.

Some things are just sad. He hates it.

He hates this.

He hates it.

It was a lot easier when it was easy not to care.

“You’ll get them next time,” Bdubs says. “You got me.”

“Hah,” Impulse says, wiping his eyes. “I guess I did.”

[lightofraye]

You are ridiculous, you have proof of nothing, all you have is selective blindness and deafness. you just choose to ignore every instance in which Jensen shows affection to anyone who isn't Jared. it doesn't matter how many times he expresses that he loves his wife, or his other friends like Misha. or even his own kids. you just don't want to hear it. all the good things he has, all the blessings and the large amount of love surrounding him, you don't want to see that, you rather have a drama novel. you don't want to see Jensen as a real person, all you can see is the twisted version of him that you made up on your head, a poor diminished guy who needs alcohol to cope with his miserable life and whose only friend in the whole wide world is JP. so how does your little novel ends? maybe you should write it down and finally be done with it. does Jensen die at the end? does he kills himself? or perhaps he's murdered by Danneel.

Y’know… I was going to put off answering this until tomorrow, but no.

Because you actually said something so horrific it demanded a response.

You think that’s the fate Jensen deserves? I mean… did you really think he doesn’t deserve a happy ending? Because I never said that. You did.

In fact, the part about the kids baffle me. Where have I ever said he doesn’t deserve his children? If anything my heart has been broken by the fact he’s away so much—forced to be away—that his eldest daughter is crying over it.

And you say I don’t see him as a real person? Really? What’s the flip side of my perspective? The AAs who see him so perfect, never capable of making a mistake? Who of us doesn’t see him as a real person?

I see his flaws. To borrow a phrasing an anon used on another blog, I see his freckles. I see his slightly crooked nose. I see those adorable eye crinkles that come out in full force when he smiles

I also see the man who made a terrible business and personal decision years ago when he decided to pursue The Winchesters without involving Jared. I also see the man whose decisions on the set that nearly cost a man his life.

I see the man.

Not the perfect Ken doll y’all are so insistent he is.

He’s flawed. A real human being.

And no, I don’t think he’s really friends with Misha because he’s never seen anywhere outside of cons with him. And given what a blabbermouth Misha is, we’d know in a heartbeat.

Hollywood is full of users, anon. Leeches. Hanger-ons. And fanatical fans.

No, you’re right, I don’t believe him when he says he loves Danneel—but when was the last time he’s said that? Not “she’s perfect for me” or “strong woman”. When was the last time he said he loved her?

You’re allowing your irritation with me to affect you, anon. I don’t know why you and the others are so insistent on arguing with me. What would be the purpose behind it?

To dissuade me? To persuade me otherwise? Why? I’m not here to change your mind. I merely share my opinions, much like I’m sure you do on your blog.

The only difference is, I’m not going to pro-Jensen blogs or pro-Misha blogs or anti-Jared blogs and harassing them.

That’s the difference between us. I’m expressing my opinions on my blog and am at peace with allowing others to think and feel as they like on their blogs.

I only speak up and act when there’s actual bullying or harassment or threats of violence to others—because we should absolutely care about that, regardless of who it is.

Here you are, mocking me, calling me stupid, coming up with horrific scenarios you seem to think I believe Jensen deserves (really?).

I see the world for what it really is, anon. I try to balance that with a little bit of hope and faith that maybe humanity isn’t entirely lost. That by speaking up about abuse, someone will be saved. By pointing out dangerous lies, someone will open their eyes.

What is your purpose here? To be bitter and angry that maybe, just maybe, your perfect image isn’t perfect after all?

Be better. Do better.

Accept that I have a different opinion. Block me, block my tags.

Go in peace. I hope you someday find some solace in this world.

[avalypuff]

I’m just gonna say it.

I don’t think Zonai and Hylians are capable of reproduction under normal circumstances.

This is Not to say that I doubt the existence of Sonia and Rauru’s offspring, or Zelda’s blood relation to them, especially given that’s the one thing the game did explicitly tell us.

But on to the reason I think this—

Zelda (as a series) has kept things pretty consistent as far as Hylian/[other] hybrids, with the only exception being an obvious one that Hylians and Gerudo are compatible. But other than that, we’ve never seen anything like a Hylian x Rito/Zora/Goron/etc hybrid (ok so the Goron one makes sense because of their canon asexual reproduction, but it just felt weird excluding them from my point) and it stands to reason why.

They’re not just different races. They’re completely different species, whose differences can’t even be compared to those of a horse and donkey, or lion and tiger. Just by looking at them it’s pretty clear the different peoples throughout Hyrule have incompatible DNA.

Yes they’re all sapient and can fall in love with one another, and that’s totally real and valid! But love isn’t enough to make babies when the lovers are one bird and one fish, or in the case of Rauru and Sonia, one goat-dragon and one human-shape.

However, unlike a Zora or Rito, I believe there is one factor that Zonai could use to create life with a Hylian… their God-like magic!

That being said, I am a lover of science, and if you are too, then listen up, my friends, because I have more to explain, because I STILL don’t believe they can reproduce by [normal means] don’t make me say it… I get enough bots following me

I believe, like other Zonai magic such as ultra hand or ascend, it has to be a conscious decision. A spell, in the simplest terms. Basically, it can’t happen by accident; not to take any romance away from the act, of course! (Putting the rest under a cut cause this is getting long)

To go a bit more in depth—and please keep in mind this is treading even deeper into personal headcanon territory—I believe the magic would neutralize Zonai DNA (or whoever’s providing the sperm. In this case it’s Rauru, but I wonder if he was the only Zonai to ever fall in love with a Hylian…) and it would work kiiind of similarly to parthenogenesis with the resulting offspring being more-or-less a clone of the female parent. That’s right. I believe their child visually looks just like her mother, Sonia, though she’d probably choose her own hairstyle. lol.

Anyway, mammals aren’t actually capable of parthenogenesis, and furthermore that act doesn’t involve sperm, but it’s a cool biology thing I wanted to build a headcanon sort of based around.

I’m also a boring old fool who doesn’t like idea of Sonia birthing a furry, even though I’m all about the ship of her and Rauru. Idk. Half the time I don’t even understand me. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading. If not—if you want furry baby, just know I’m not directing this at anyone or trying to dismiss their ideas. I just wanted to share my own. Peace ✌️

[gophergal]

Author Commentary - I Know Where To Look (Chapter 2)

Howdy, y’all! Welcome back to another commentary post, this one will be a lot shorter than the last (probably?) I know that’s ironic given the extra length of the chapter, but this one just required less interesting research and decisions.

When does the fic take place, by the way?

So, I have a very specific headcanon for when canon materials take place in TF2 that may slightly contradict actual canon. Because of that, I am of the opinion that the Mercs were hired in ‘64, and this fic starts in May of that year. All of the Meet The Team videos take place between 64 and 68.

For your convenience, a list of relevant (and not so relevant) HC ages for characters as of 1964:

Heavy is 40, as mentioned in the chapter (his birthday is in October)

Medic is 46, though he looks young for his age despite going grey (This is relevant. Also his birthday is in March)

Scout is 19

Sniper is 22 (wear some fucking sunscreen, man)

Spy 42

Engineer is 38

On that note, I’m also taking advantage of the fact that MtT is in universe PR, so keep that in mind when characterization and events contradict them. I see the mercs’ personalities in MtT as exaggerations of what they actually have going on, and I think that is somewhat supported by the way they are presented in the comics, but I would never claim that is 100% the “correct” interpretation.

For example, Pyro at this point creeps almost everyone out, but only scares Scout. The fact that their own team is terrified of them in MtP is an exaggeration. Also Pyro related: you might notice that I typically use they/them for them, but in dialogue and prose, he/him is used. That will change, it’s just a result of the team assuming that Pyro is a man, since the rest of them are men. It’s just something that will change as the team gets closer.

Heavy’s backstory memory in the shower was just something I came up with on the spot. It felt right. Might have been projecting a bit about the whole “seeing your deceased parent in your reflection” thing. Who knows. Either way, every time I’m reminded of the characters’ who’s backstories we know, I’m just reminded of how if tf2 wasn’t comedic the damned franchise would just be a drama.

Also, the “victory round” (I’m blanking on what it’s actually called in the game, but you know when the winning team gets crits at the end?) fills me with genuine rage and I almost want to punch my laptop whenever I play tf2. However, if I did that I wouldn’t be able to write/draw more Red Oktoberfest queerness.

That Kotlet cooking scene is based on this recipe. I’ve never actually made it myself because meat has gotten really expensive, but it does just remind me of meatloaf. That’s all

“Horse Feathers” is something my maternal grandfather used to say all the time instead of “bullshit” or “goddamnit.” I thought it would be funny to make Engie talk like my papal *shrugs*. Speaking of Engie, he ISNT HOMOPHOBIC I PROMMY. That man is aspec and an eternal third wheel. He’s just uncomfortable with being involved in non-practical problems.

[kimboo-york]

A Short Treatise on Madam Yu

This is all about Madam Yu as represented in my fic The Bastards of Yunmeng, not canon!

Okay, first off, I need to make clear that I am not a Madam Yu respecter. I loathe the character, probably for very personal reasons. If Madam Yu is your babygirl, I’m sorry, this is not the meta for you.

WARNING: If you have not read up through chapter 11 of the fic, this meta is super spoilery!

This meta is not particularly spoilery for The Bastards of Yunmeng past chapter 11, but does have some information about characters that will become important later on. So, the usual warning about spoilers are in place here.

Read at your own risk, yada yada yada…

Importantly, nothing that happens in this story is meant to redeem Madam Yu. My personal headcanon is that she was a narcissist and unable to genuinely, selflessly love other people, and that is how I’ve written her here. She was in a very unhappy situation, but also she was simply not a good person overall, IMHO. It is interesting to consider if she was born that way or corrupted by circumstances, sure, but in the end, she was who she was. You can slap whatever diagnostic labels on her you want, I’m just saying she was toxic. Some people found that out later rather than sooner.

Honestly, I don’t know the specifics of how her affair with Wei Changze (and, very likely, Cangse Sanren) came about. What I DO know, however:

Jiang Fengman is sterile. She figured that out pretty quickly and took steps. This might be her villain origin story, actually; the only reason she was married off to him was to produce heirs, and so she had to do that no matter the risks. That Wei Changze was a cousin of Jiang Fengman’s and a strong cultivator in his own right made him a very attractive option, as any child of his would at least look like a Jiang.

Wei Changze is a complicated character in this story, but he’s also dead and cannot answer for himself. But here are a few important points: a) He did NOT cheat on his beloved wife. Not sure how that all went down, but it was consensual for all involved. I’m pretty sure Yanli was conceived before WCZ and CS officially got together, anyway. How Jiang Cheng happened, I’m not sure, but there was NO cheating. Well, aside from WCZ cuckolding JFM. I know this doesn’t paint Wei Changze in the best light, but what we know of Wei Wuxian is that he sometimes made outrageously dumb decisions with the best of intentions. (Maybe it’s genetic?) Personally I suspect he always disliked Jiang Fengman, though I’m not sure why. b) Also, I believe that when she was younger, before the bitterness and resentment took over, Madam Yu was very good at manipulating people (as many narcissists are). Yunmeng Jiang needed an heir and she was going to get it done. Anyway, I can’t say if Madam Yu seduced both CS and WCZ or convinced CS to share or what, but consent was given.

Madam Yu’s rage against Wei Ying had a lot more to do with her fear that a direct comparison to her son would reveal her secrets than with the rumors that he was JFM’s bastard.

I’m pretty sure that her feelings for Cangse Sanren were obsessive in nature, flipping from love to hate once she realized that CS well and truly had everything that she never would, including both WCZ and freedom. This definitely played into her hatred of WWX.

Why did she keep the letters? Because I’ve written her as a narcissist, and if there is one thing narcissists believe, it is that they are smarter than everyone around them and that rules don’t apply to them. She wanted to keep the letters, so she did. To be fair, they would never have been discovered if not for a freak lightning strike/fire in her quarters while she was away from Lotus Pier. Bad, bad luck.

I did toy with making Jiang Cheng’s father Wen Zhuliu, but I really wanted to bind the children closer together and I think that would have made JC feel isolated and left out instead. (I will maybe someday write the story of him being WZL’s son and inheriting his core-melting abilities, but that’s not this story.)

In Madam Yu’s favor, she offered to submit to her imprisonment and execution without a fight and make no attempts to escape if Jiang Fengman would at least let her children go free. He agreed, which is what led to their being immediately cast out rather than imprisoned. Would he have had them killed, eventually? I honestly don’t think so, but he might have sold them off or something.

Jiang Fengman offered Jinzhu and Yinzhu the option to return to Meishan in disgrace, but they declined and demanded to be executed along with their mistress as a point of pride. Yanli will find this out eventually, but it's not really important to the plot.

[jokerislandgirl32]

So Zach, you used to be a villain but when Varina was born you became good and started working with your besties, the wild kratts? But when you youngest started dating a villain you went back to villainy again? What happened? How did Violet feel?

Hehe, *pulls collar of sweater,* this question?

Ugh, fine…Below the cut because it’s a long explanation…

Well, I can’t say I’m proud of this decision…I truly changed my life for the better after Varina was born, and it created a wonderful life for me, Violet, and our children for many years. There was no fear of losing everything from my villainous actions, I reconciled with the Wild Rats Crew (yes I still call them that, that’s never changed), and it helped me gain such a great appreciation for animals, nature, and others around me. I was finally able to get over myself long enough to well…to put it in words that’ll make Violet squeal in adoration: “see the beauty in the world around me.”

This change in my life affected me so dramatically that it caused me to eventually develop an aversion to the general thought of villainy. I ended up having to go to therapy to try to get past the pain and anxiety I experienced on a daily basis from self reflection on my past actions.

I had just gotten to a much better place mentally when Victoria, our youngest daughter, approached us with the revelation that she was involved with a man who was quite a bit older than her, but worse yet was a villain. The man, Eric Espinoza, rose as a villain after command of the Wild Kratts Team was transferred over to Vera, Nolan, and a handful of the other former Wild Rats Kids.

The new Wild Rats Team, the former Wild Rats Team, myself, and Violet, along with my reformed villain friends, teamed up to take down this threat to the creature world. This jerk, Espinoza, created a powerful device that was able to control any animal via a special chemical compound, you can think of it as something like pheromones. All he had to do was press a button on his remote, and it would trigger any varmint that was exposed to the chemicals to react violently.

He was causing such great destruction to the creature world we were at a loss for what to do to stop him, that’s when Victoria stepped up and said she’d go bargain with him, because she figured given the nature of their relationship he would listen to her. Well, it appeared she did more than bargain because after a few meetings with him she came to us with the joyous news of her elopement to him. It turns out they decided to marry secretly because they feared with his status as a villain we would not accept him.

Eric and Victoria’s Elopement Pic Picrew Link

She figured right….I was livid. Not only was this older man trying to seduce our daughter, but he was also trying to corrupt her! I knew he was trying to convert her to a life of villainy too, so I decided to take matters into my own hands and end this threat against my family and the creature world.

I honestly felt like I’d lost control of my life with this revelation, and I decided the only way to combat the feral varmints Espinoza was creating was to pit them against the failed inventions of my past, albeit with modifications. I set to work gathering up all the necessary varmints for the battle against him. I equipped the varmints with their battle wear and pitted them against Eric and his army of violent animals.

By some miracle I was able to defeat him…I was able to get access to him long enough in the middle of the battle that I got ahold of his chemical compound, and I was able to reconstruct this compound to make an antidote to save the affected varmints whenever he tried to unleash the chemical compound upon them.

But, this didn’t bode well for my family, Violet was furious over my actions and Victoria was so hurt that she stopped talking to me and her mother altogether. Violet and I only mentioned divorce or separation in our marriage twice, and this was one of the times. The confrontation was quite intense, but eye opening.

“Zachary! I know you were hurt by Victoria eloping with Eric, I know you were upset about the horrible acts he was committing. But you don’t understand what you’ve done. When we had Varina you made the decision to turn your life around for the better. You made the choice to not harm innocent animals ever again or use them as spare parts. You made the choice to be a better man for your children, for me, and for yourself. And you’ve gone and thrown all of that away just because you didn’t approve of your daughter’s partner and his occupation?

Victoria isn’t a child, she can make her own decisions, Zachary! Sure, she may have decided to elope with an older man, with a villain…but she only did that because she was so afraid of what you would think, of disappointing or hurting you! She thought that by marrying him maybe you would come around, maybe you would even use your experience of becoming a reformed villain to help him change his life for the better. But you didn’t!

You were so angry that you didn’t think about the consequences! You hurt innocent animals, you hurt our family, and you’ve hurt our marriage. I’m not going to divorce you, I’m not going to leave you, I love you and care for you too much to do that, but we’re not in a good place right now. I might need some time away from you…ARGH! I feel so angry! I feel like you’ve betrayed me and everything we’ve worked so hard for! I never thought the day would come that my own child refuses to speak to me, but it’s happened and it’s destroying me.

In case you’ve forgotten…I fell in love with a villain too. But I saw the good in him, and I loved him flaws and all…I still do…so, I know exactly how Victoria feels…I just wish you had realized that too…because now it’s too late.”

Violet and I soon reconciled, I completely swore off villainy for good, but it took longer for Victoria to come back around…it was the death of her husband Eric and learning she was going to become a mother that brought Victoria back into our lives. And now Victoria, little Eric Zachary Espinoza, and I are inseparable.

[ljz002-world]

Revenge, Part 2

“Leaving already?”, Esme asked as Y/N wanted to leave the house, “Yeah, I still need to change, I wanna go to the Garrison. Heard all about it.” “John and his brothers will be there tonight.” “I was hoping on it.” “Huh? Why’s that?”, Esme asked suspiciously as she looked Y/N up and down. “I have some questions for Thomas Shelby, that’s why I’m here.” “Well then you can leave again, Thomas doesn’t answer questions.” “He will answer mine.” With that Y/N left the home to get ready for the Garrison.

“There you are again”, the man behind the bar said as he saw Y/N walking in once again while she just gave him a polite smile before walking up and asking the same question from the morning, “Thomas Shelby? I met his sister in law today, Esme. She said he’d be here.” “In the snub.” “Thank you sir”, Y/N said as she went ahead and knocked on the snub before boldly entering it, coming face to face with the man she wanted to lunge at and rip his throat out. “Nice seein’ you again Y/N”, John said as he took a puff of his cigar, Y/N just nodded with a small smile, “Hello John. Which one of you us Thomas Shelby?”, she asked addressed at the other four men in the room. “Who wants to know?”, the one with a mustache asked as he mustered the girl up and down, she did look like something, that was for sure.

A tight dress with a considerably deep cleavage with her chest pushed rather up, not something that fit the standard of the slim and androgyn beauty standard of their years. The dress was black with a silver fringe at the hem of it matching her silver kitten heels.

“Someone with questions. And information.” “I’m Thomas”, the one sat nearest to her, a man with icy-blue eyes, spoke up, he was smoking a regular cigarette. He was well dressed but Y/N did not miss the gun strapped to him. All of the men present had their guns with them, good for her that she was also armed. “Y/N”, Y/N said as she reached a hand out, which the man shook before pulling the chair from the wall towards Y/N, “Take a seat. Whiskey?” “I don’t drink.” “Why not?”, one of the clearly younger men asked, he had dark skin and was dressed as nice as the others, a golden chain with a cross hanging around his neck and peeking out. “I prefer to stay sober. Keeps me from making dumb decisions.” “Like?”, he poked again and Y/N just smiled to herself before she looked at the men in the room and then the boy who had asked, “Keeps me from making dumb decisions with boys like you all.” “We’re the richest men here”, Arthur boasted and Y/N chuckled, “I don’t doubt that. But I made a promise to me dad. That I wouldn’t be involved with men unless they had his permission.” “What a good girl”, Thomas spoke up, he was curious about the girl, not everybody dared to just enter the snug when the Shelbys were inside occupying it. “Now, what questions do you have?”

“You served, right?” “I did, why?” “My father served too-“ “Was he german?”, John asked and Y/N nodded, “Yes.” “Then we fought on opposite sides”, Arthur spoke, “We killed the germans.” “I know”, Y/N continued as she opened her bag, an action which led to the men keeping their hands ready on their guns should she pull out a weapon of her own. An action that drew a laugh from the girl, “You hear I’m german and I’m getting something from my bag and you’re ready to shoot me? Look at me, do I look like I can shoot?” Y/N just pulled a picture out of her bag which she handed Thomas, “Which battles did you fight in?” “Mons, Somme and Verdun.” “Did you ever see this man? With the living or the dead?”, Y/N asked as Thomas looked at the picture he was given, not letting the girl notice that he recognized the man on the picture. “Is he your father?” “Yes. He never returned, I was told he died in Verdun. Did you see him?”

Thomas looked up at Arthur and John before glancing at the girl and handing her the picture back, “I can ask around if you’d like.” “Is that going to cost me?” “I don’t want money to give closure. Especially not when it’s a soldier’s daughter.” “Thank you.”

Thomas just nodded as he downed his whiskey, “How did a girl come from Germany all the way up here on her own?” “That’s a long story Mr. Shelby. I have another question for you. Is the position from today’s paper still open? The translator that you’re looking for.” “Yes, why?” “I speak several languages, English, German and French. That enough?” Thomas poured himself another glass of whiskey as he looked at the girl, “Read, write, understand and speak fluently?” “Yes, well with a bit accent, but yes. Fluent.”

Thomas nodded before looking at his brothers, “What you say? Her?” “Prove it”, Finn asked, “Just a sentence.”

Y/N laughed at this but did as told. While holding eye contact with Thomas Shelby she spoke firstly in german and then in French.

“Du hast meinen Vater getötet. Je vais te tuer pour ça.“

[bea28]

i just finished Iron Flame and there are theories ☝️🤓

⚠️ this is your only warning, there WILL be SPOILERS for both books ahead

SO.. i’ve been watching theories on tiktok about violet’s second signet and saw someone talk about this one (and in my opinion i think she already manifested it, she just didn’t notice it yet)

bare with me…

You know how Andarna had her own little secret revealed at the and of IF right? how she is her own “type” of dragon and is basically able to “change colors” as we’ve seen when she was hiding in the rocks, she basically “morphed” into the rocks to hide. So with that, i think her power for violet (or violets signet from her) will be crazy unique and rare. Keeping that in mind let’s proceed.

another little thing that was just thrown out there is how Andarna is always saying “i’ll be where i’m needed” or “im where i need to be” anytime Violet or Tairn tells her to stay safe, and she’s ALWAYS there when needed, she’s always there to help violet (aka saving her life many many times). And thinking about how Rebecca likes to basically hide things in plain sight, just like the fact that Xaden could read violets mind and would sometimes even respond to it and violet wouldn’t notice, i think we shouldn’t ignore Andarnas comments.

we also know that signets are what a riders need the most, just like Xadens need for secrets (shadows)

SO ive been thinking about what violet needs most or moments where she needed something specific, and turns out she needs a lot of things, like when she needed liam to help hold herself together during interrogation (talking to the dead) or when she needed to jump from one dragon to the other during the final war (speed) or how she constantly needs people to tell her the truth so she can make her decisions (truth sayer) or how she constantly needs mending (mender) or how she ran so fast to raise the wards, that someone even said “oh i’ve never seen you run so fast” (speed again)

(i honestly think this are the moments where she has used her signet already ⤴️)

and thinking about the future, she will probably need to talk to the dead again because her parents are dead and they have information she will for sure need, like her mom researching about a cure for venin or her dads research about feather tails, this information won’t be written anywhere, only the people involved will be able to tell her about it (but they’re dead). She will also need the truth now more then ever to be able to save Xaden, no more secrets or lies (i’ll just put it here about how there’s theories that her brother is venin or a traitor, which i kind of believe)

so i think her signet is just like andarna’s color.. changing and based on need

i think she will be able to manifest any signet as long as she NEEDS it (just like the rune xaden used on one of her daggers) and will be able to switch between all signets depending on her need at the moment, i think she’s been doing it since the interrogation room, she just didn’t notice, since every single time she did, she was in desperate need and just did things and kept going, never stopping to analyze anything further.

and since andarna apparently refuses to tell her things based on “if you didn’t figure out yourself, you wouldn’t be worthy” i think andarna is just waiting for violet to figure it out herself while giving little hints with the “i’ll be where im needed”

Also, let’s not forget that Andarna has been waiting hundreds of years to hatch, she’s been waiting for violet “the weaker Sorrengail that has the mind of a scribe and the heart of a rider”

PLUS i cant get Tairns line out of my head “i know exactly who and WHAT you are, Violet Sorrengail” this with the knowledge that her mom has been researching about a cure for venin since before everything happened, i honestly think her mom or dad was venin and Violet is a kind of half blood or something. I really think her parents knew it, given her moms research and the fact that her dad had the ONLY book about venin and wayverns and made it a point to read it to his kids.

thinking now…. “magic always balances itself” what if violets fragility is all about that, magic balancing itself, making her body weaker because her magic or power is too strong.

anyways… that’s it, that’s what i’ve gathered from all the videos i’ve watched on it, and what i think is more likely to be. i wrote this all from memory so im sorry if there’s anything not accurate or if you’ve already thought about this lmao. i’m just writing it here so i can come back to it after Onyx Storm.

i tryed to simplify it the most i could here, so there’s a lot more details to it if we just think about little things that maybe went unnoticed in the books, like how violet seems to always “hear had dads voice” when se needs any information he knew, or how liam taught her that she could show Dain what she wanted him to see in her mind even tho he couldn’t possibly know that, or how she’s always making herself a silver crown with her hair, or how xaden gave her so many daggers with runes we still know nothing about… i don’t know there’s so many things and i’ve only read the books once so i didn’t even notice everything

[perfectlovevn]

Hello! I just finished playing your game, and I adore it beyond words. I’ve never seen any sort of yandere content like this before and the idea of a yandere being created intentionally by someone with an agenda rather than by happenstance is beyond interesting.

I loved playing Eris - both in enabling their machiavellianism and in watching how their brain worked as they transformed Milo into what they wanted. Just seeing his transformation itself was wonderful as well! I feel bad for Milo, he didn’t deserve what happened to him, but seeing what he became depending on Eris’ decisions was so fun to watch - it really highlights what I love most about any sort of choose your own adventure story format: the ability to not only change the plot and relationships between characters, but the characters themselves. And your game was all about that - thank you so much for making it.

Another thing I find intriguing is the kind of person who would administer such a change. While it’s more than fun being in their shoes, I can’t help but want to view Eris as a character in their own right and see how they could evolve (and based on the cult following they’ve amassed I’m not the only one). I can’t imagine much would cause them to truly change unless they had something to be afraid of, meaning they probably wouldn’t change unless something had proved to be greater than them in a way that mattered. Maybe someone who managed to consistently get the better of them using manipulation, someone who was somehow immune to their control, or some god who decided to meddle in their business. If that person tried to change them, what would happen? What would it take to ruin them? And once they’re destroyed, what would be left over? I know this depends on what the player decides for their backstory and motives, but I really can’t help being curious- ultimately, though, my interest in reshaping and tearing apart Eris is all just rhetorical ramblings. I love your game and characters, Eris absolutely included, and the brainworm they’ve given me is top notch. I can’t wait to see more of what you put out, and I hope you have a lovely day! :)

(Adding this disclaimer for my own piece of mind, feel free to ignore: I do not actually want to hurt anyone, and my curiosity about harming Eris only represents my interest in them as a fictional character; it does not reflect my feelings or moral stances towards real life people or issues. I love people, and I believe we should all treat each other kindly to the best of our abilities. Disclaimer over, tysm, thank you for coming to my Ted talk!)

It's always fun to read the longer reviews because people always put so much thought into it! I very rarely see any content where someone molds the yandere, since most of the time, the lover is general a normal or good person. I think that its really fun to have an evil main character every now and then. I also think it's very fun when each decision feels really impactful. That was part of what I wanted to do for this game other than I didn't want to overwhelm myself with too many choices and writing.

With Eris, it's hard to say. I think that the best way to force Eris to evolve is if they feel as if there is something they can use. Something involving a perfect love? Perhaps a way to manipulate the other person back. I think if Eris was forced by a god of any kind, I'm sure they would be resentful with it. Or well, I'm sure you can imagine what Eris would do in these situations.

[lyinginthesnow]

What makes me lose my mind a bit about Season 2 Kendall is that like— Logan is trying to fully break his will and control him, and Kendall is trying to break his own will in a lot of ways through guilt and self-destructive behaviours, but there’s this tiny stubborn part of him, this desire for self-preservation, that they can’t kill no matter how hard they try. There’s this little instinctual, human voice inside him saying no, I want to live, I want to fight back, I don’t want to be his puppet, I don’t want to drown. Like initially he wants to save Vaulter, and oppose Logan on buying Pierce. Each time he goes up to the roof in “Safe Room”, he comes back down. He confronts Logan when Logan’s getting too cozy with Rhea in “Return”. He seeks out some form of happiness with Naomi (obviously that is self-destructive too given that he knows her presence will enable his drug abuse, but he also does seek connection and joy out of their relationship). But every time this desire to care about himself and fight back rears its head, either he or Logan smothers it. He submits to Logan’s orders regarding Vaulter (“because my dad told me to”) and Pierce. He goes back up onto the roof multiple times. After the confrontation about Rhea, Logan takes him to the waiter’s house, reminding him of his guilt and powerlessness. Seeing that Kendall finds escape in his relationship with Naomi, Logan sends her off the yacht.

So when Logan tells Kendall he is going to be sacrificed in “This Is Not for Tears”, Kendall has reached a point where he obeys without a single protest. “I deserve it. Maybe I deserve it”. But — crucially — Logan disagrees, saying that Kendall has nothing to be guilty about regarding the waiter’s death. Logan’s lines here are really important, because (in my interpretation??) they ignite Kendall’s repressed urge to fight back that has been slowly eroded this entire season, which leads to his decision at the end of the episode. If Logan had responded “yes, you do deserve it”, then Kendall would have walked to his own destruction willingly, giving up, maybe even feeling a sense of righteousness that he was being punished. But Logan doesn’t say that. Instead, he says: “Nah, nah. Not that. NRPI. You’re the best. Don’t beat yourself up. No real person involved. You know, it’s… it’s nothing.“ It’s nothing.

I think Kendall has a realization in this moment which is very similar to the one Rhea has in “DC”, when she says to Logan, “I can’t see the bottom of the pool. I don’t know if you care about anything. And that scares me”. Kendall’s conscience has been eating him up from the inside — but Logan doesn’t have it. He just doesn’t care. The waiter’s death has been weighing on Kendall as the basis for his self-destructiveness (and submission to Logan’s control), but Logan dismisses it so flippantly, almost as if it is irrelevant, since the moral value of that event is currently not related to his own self-interest in using Kendall as a tool. Which is all this ever was. To Logan, it was never about the waiter. It was never some form of “deserved” punishment. It was always just a part of Logan’s game, convenient to him, serving his aims.

So that tiny stubborn part of Kendall comes to life a bit inside him. It says no, no I don’t want to lie down and let you do this to me. I’m not sure he listens to it right away. But it’s there, and it grows bit by bit. No I want to live, no I want to escape, no I want to fight back, no my father is a malignant presence, a bully, and a liar, and this is the day his reign ends

[leofrith]

A Critique of ACV: The Last Chapter (SPOILERS!)

I wanted to hold off on sharing my thoughts about the new content until I’d given The Last Chapter time to breathe, because I was honestly hoping that maybe if I gave it some time, I wouldn’t dislike it so much. But the more I think about it, the more I find things to dislike about it. Which is why what started out as a quick write-up of my thoughts immediately after playing The Last Chapter has now spiraled into this very long critique that got so long I needed to add subheadings to break it up. 

Sorryyyyy. 

I’m basically spoiling everything from The Last Chapter here, along with Assassin’s Creed: Valhalla and parts of its expansions. I also briefly mention a few other Assassin’s Creed games, mainly Odyssey and one of its DLCs. My point being, if you don’t want to know anything then please look away now. Or don’t. But I know I would have appreciated a warning before diving into this mess. 💀

As a disclaimer: this essay is not meant to be an attack, nor is it meant to place blame squarely at the feet of Darby Mcdevitt, or any of the other writers or developers involved with the game. There are so many moving parts in a game as expansive and with as much add-on content as Valhalla, and I can only guess what happened behind the scenes that brought us to this point. I don’t know who wrote what, who made what creative decisions, and I therefore don’t feel comfortable placing blame on anyone in particular. I have never worked for Ubisoft and I can therefore only speculate about their internal culture based on what has been leaked from the company over the years. Furthermore, this is not an invitation to personally attack anyone involved in the development of this game on Twitter or wherever else. This is purely an attempt on my part to articulate why me and so many other fans of Valhalla and of Eivor feel so profoundly emotionally betrayed by this ending, as well as outline some factors that I believe contributed to the way the game was mishandled. 

So. I think I had already accepted when the trailer released back in September that something like this was going to happen. I had already done my mourning for the fact that Eivor would never get the send-off she deserved, which is why I think I’m a lot less upset than I would have been otherwise… but that doesn't make this suck any less. The Last Chapter was completely underwhelming, it was emotionally unsatisfying, it completely butchered Eivor's character, it felt incomplete, and rushed, and it felt more like a teaser for Mirage than anything close to the conclusion Eivor’s story deserved.

The (Character) Assassination of Eivor Varinsdottir

When we first meet Eivor as an adult, she is overconfident, brash, and she has just gotten in over her head and gotten both herself and her crew captured by the enemy. She is in the 17th year of a quest for revenge she has been in pursuit of since she was nine years old. She has spent more than half of her life hunting Kjotve, the man who stole her parents, her clan, and her childhood from her, and is fully prepared to die if need be to kill him. She is an orphan who was taken in by the Raven Clan after the slaughter of her own people, and she considers these people to be her new family. Her love for her family and community are central to Eivor’s character right from the beginning. While she learns and grows past some of her flaws throughout the game, her love for her community and her loyalty to them is what sticks with her. 

Eivor also starts the game carrying an immense amount of shame for how her father died, laying down his axe in the hope that the rest of his clan would be spared, only for he and most of his people to be slaughtered anyway. Through her time spent acting as a leader to the Raven Clan–first as a warrior and later as their Jarlskona–Eivor finally understands by the end of the game why Varin did what he did, because she realizes that she would make the exact same choice to protect her people. Eivor, too, would choose to die in “dishonor” if it offered even the smallest chance to save her loved ones. 

Eivor is the reincarnation of Odin; she carries his memories and his thoughts, unbeknownst to her. She has visions and prophetic dreams and hears his voice in her head, but spends much of the game not understanding the meaning of it all. The part of her that is Odin pushes her toward chasing personal glory, toward the pursuit of knowledge, toward selfishness. But she chooses to abandon all that in favor of the people she loves, even as Odin rages and screams insults into her ear and calls her a coward–the one thing she has always been most fearful of becoming. Odin is a representation of everything she has been told to value in life, and she is (literally) pulled in the opposite direction by Sigurd, Randvi, Hytham, Valka, Gunnar, Soma… everything else. 

Eivor never truly seems to grasp the meaning of her connection to Odin, Sigurd’s connection to Tyr, Basim’s connection to Loki, or anything about the sages or the Isu at all. Not in the base game or in any of the DLCs. She never really acknowledges it explicitly until The Last Chapter. 

Put a pin in that.

Family and community are central to Eivor’s character. Loyalty is central to Eivor’s character. Honor is central to Eivor’s character. That’s why it makes absolutely no sense for Eivor to drop everything, seemingly out of nowhere, to go back to Vinland alone and live out the rest of her days learning from Odin, the part of her that she explicitly rejected at the end of the main game. And it certainly doesn’t justify Eivor deciding to leave Ravensthorpe in the middle of the night without a farewell, regardless of who she supposedly said goodbye to offscreen. It doesn’t justify her completely sudden and out of character decision to walk away from her clan, her family without a true goodbye. Eivor spends the entire base game acting as Jarl in Sigurd’s stead in everything but title, because Sigurd has all but completely abandoned the clan in order to chase his own ambitions, only for Eivor to supposedly do the very same thing? No. It’s completely incongruent with her character and actively contradicts facts that were established in the main game.

There are so many other inconsistencies, including the fact that I highly doubt Valka–the same Valka who we saw warn Eivor against digging too deeply in her visions in the intro to The Forgotten Saga–would simply accept Eivor departing for another continent to delve deeper into her visions. But the way they miswrote Eivor’s character was particularly glaring. There could have been a version of the last chapter in which Eivor's motivations actually made sense, but that version needed so much more evidence for it to be believable. Reading between the lines is one thing, but expecting players to accept the conclusions you’re feeding them without planting any seeds beforehand is just lazy writing. [insert “HE WOULDN’T FUCKING SAY THAT” meme]

The RPG structure is the root of all evil (I know just… hear me out on this)

I think applying an RPG structure to Assassin’s Creed was a mistake, and have thought so for a while, but not really for the reason you’re probably thinking of. The “but we’re reliving another person’s memories in the animus, so how can it possibly make sense to allow us to make choices that affect the narrative?” reason. My criticism of the addition of choices is mainly this: I think that by trying to “expand” the story by adding RPG elements and dialogue options, they instead ended up severely limiting themselves. Because the problem with adding dialogue options to Assassin’s Creed is they can never take those choices to their conclusion. They can never truly have consequences.

Trying to tell a linear story with a non-linear structure like this doesn’t work, or at the very least, it hasn’t worked in Assassin’s Creed thus far. Odyssey came closer, I think, because it had multiple distinct outcomes and player choices actually had an affect on the trajectory of the plot (Mostly. Hi, Legacy of the First Blade. I’m coming for you in a minute.). Odyssey's multiple endings present a different problem entirely in the context of Assassin’s Creed because despite the input of choice, there is still a canon version of the story and a canon ending. It leaves those players that arrived at a different outcome feeling alienated, and like their choices were incorrect or simply didn't matter. 

But in Valhalla, all roads lead to more or less the same destination and most decisions have no impact on the trajectory of the story. The problem that arises from this is that players will make their choices and expect some sort of payoff, as they should. But they won’t really get it. As per Darby McDevitt, for example, Sigurd always goes back to Norway at some point, regardless of whether a player ends up with the “good” or the “bad” ending. Sigurd returning to Norway is a fixed point and the timeline will always course correct, so to speak, to reach that end. 

(Thank you @/vikingnerd793 for the screenshot!)

Everyone gets more or less the same version of The Last Chapter, with the siblings’ interactions only varying slightly after the “bad” ending to reflect the fact that Eivor and Sigurd haven’t seen each other in a while. But even with the tiny variations in dialogue that exist, a few changed lines in a scene that doesn't last any longer than two minutes still fail to make Eivor and Sigurd's supposed off-screen reconciliation feel even remotely earned. Ubisoft wanted to offer “choice” while not following through with emotional payoff for those choices because they only wanted a single ending. Even if a player ends the main game with Sigurd deciding to stay in Norway as a result of Eivor’s “betrayal,” the consequences of that to their relationship are never truly explored.

Having only one ending with no variations in an RPG means that they couldn’t address any of the plot points that could have been affected by player choices. Interpersonal conflicts are watered down or only vaguely referenced. They couldn’t truly address the state of Eivor and Sigurd’s relationship because that would depend on what endgame the player reached. They couldn’t give Randvi an actual goodbye because some people didn’t romance her and therefore it might feel “forced” to those people, despite her being a major character. Vili–despite apparently being Eivor’s best friend–can’t appear because for some people, he’s busy being the Jarl of Snotinghamscire. There is no true emotional follow through for any of the choices made throughout the game. The end result is a goodbye tour consisting of Aelfred, Guthrum, and Harald, three people who Eivor has little to no emotional attachment to, but whose roles in the game are fixed no matter what choices the player makes, which means they’re safe to use. To be clear, Hytham’s role in the narrative is also fixed, but the reason I separate him from the other three is because he is actually emotionally significant to Eivor. His goodbye, unlike the other three, feels earned. 

To be clear, I don’t place the blame entirely on the writers for this because, as I’ve said, they were given a franchise that revolves around linear stories, told to put dialogue options into it, and make sure all those choices still lead to the same conclusion. As an extension of that, they brought back people who worked on the base game two years after its release to tie up loose ends that should have been dealt with years ago. I wouldn't be surprised if those same creators have all since moved on from this story and its characters, both creatively and emotionally. It's been two years. Even longer than that since they actually worked on the game. I wouldn't fault them for not having the same enthusiasm they once did. But the end result is a last chapter that feels almost completely devoid of emotion, and ties up absolutely none of the loose ends that most people would expect from a permanent “goodbye.” It fails to reach the emotional highs and lows that a conclusion with two years of build up should have. 

Which now brings me to Randvi. 

Oh, Randvi, now and forever shackled to her map table. 

I know this will be a hard pill to swallow for a lot of people, but I always suspected that they would never actually follow through on making Randvi and Eivor's relationship canon despite the fact that it is indisputably the most fleshed out romance in the game. They are hinted at right from the beginning, in the form of Randvi’s clear dissatisfaction with her marriage to Sigurd and in Eivor’s lingering gazes. It is the only romance option in the game that has any effect on one of Eivor’s core internal conflicts: remaining loyal to her brother. “The wind calls [her] back to Randvi” after almost every single regional arc, whether players choose to pursue a romance or not.

But Darby McDevitt Official Headcanon or no, I never thought Ubisoft would "force" another romance after the backlash from Odyssey's Legacy of the First Blade (I told you I’d come back to it). I truly believe the company will and has happily suffered criticism from the Queer community for forcing a relationship on gamers who played Kassandra as a lesbian. Kassandra who, prior to the DLC, also never shows any interest in starting a family, or becoming a mother, or “continuing the family line”, as would become Ubisoft’s flimsy correction to the storyline after the criticisms started rolling in. But I highly doubt they would be okay with alienating the bigots who seem to form the loudest portion of their player base. That would be too much of a risk to their bottom line. 

To me, the romance plotline in Legacy of the First Blade was the inevitable result of Ubisoft wanting to tell a linear story with a non-linear structure. I think they did so without thinking through the implications of letting players choose their character's sexuality, only to then backtrack on it later because they needed Kassandra to have a baby. And what they seemed to take away from that was only that all forced romance is bad, without grasping the nuance of why that particular forced romance was so bad. This isn’t to say there should be any forced romance at all but that it should have served as a lesson of why one shouldn’t make a game with so much emphasis on player choice, only to take that choice away and even retroactively nullify those choices when it suits the needs of the plot. But that wasn't Ubisoft's takeaway. So in Valhalla, they pulled back. They made all player choices matter just a little bit less.

Eivor and Randvi’s relationship is inarguably handled with more care than any of the other romances in the game. It is inextricable from the narrative, whether it is a romantic relationship or a friendship. But despite any amount of blatantly obvious subtext that exists, Valhalla is still an RPG and the creators cannot confirm or deny any of the choices as correct or incorrect. And because they have to cater to all possible endings, they cannot address Eivor and Randvi’s relationship in any capacity because it might be misconstrued as being forced. Despite every overt piece of evidence that exists, Valhalla is still technically an RPG and at the end of the day, plenty of people did not choose Randvi. No amount of narrative director headcanons or heavy subtext will change the fact that Randvi is a seemingly meaningless choice in a sea of meaningless choices, and has now remained so permanently.

Ubisoft just really sucks as a company, actually

Everything that I am about to say in this section (and honestly, most of the next one as well) is conjecture because again, I don't know how certain creative decisions were reached behind the scenes. This isn't just about Randvi, or about Eivor's sexuality. It’s also about Ubisoft’s long and storied history of internal misconduct and suppression of marginalized voices. It's about Ubisoft's history of employee abuse in general. It's about the fact that Ubisoft suddenly decided to let players choose their gender, but only once they finally got around to making mainline titles starring women. Syndicate’s Jacob and Evie share the role of protagonist, and would have also shared equal screen time if Evie’s role hadn’t been significantly minimized throughout production in favour of her brother. Aya was originally meant to replace Bayek as the main playable character early on in Origins, but was later reduced to a side character who is only playable in a few missions throughout the game. Aya, the founder of the Hidden Ones. The order that would later evolve into the Assassins. The order that is the namesake of the entire franchise, just to be clear. Odyssey was originally conceived as Kassandra’s game, before the developers were made to allow players the choice to play as Alexios. Every female protagonist in the franchise thus far has been minimized in some way, and Eivor is unfortunately no different. 

Assassin's Creed is a huge enough brand at this point that they could have easily released Odyssey with only Kassandra, and Valhalla with only Eivor. But instead of taking a "risk" and doing just that, they added the male options to cater to a small but vocal minority of misogynistic piss babies who don't want women to exist in their video games, period. At least, certainly not as fully realized characters with personalities and thoughts and feelings of their own. That would require acknowledging women as people, rather than as identical playthings that mostly exist as a social stealth mechanic for them to hide behind when they need a cover. 

It’s especially funny because it was such a futile effort. That very same group of people was never not going to complain about Assassin’s Creed going “woke” for having female protagonists, even if they were optional. Those people were going to complain no matter what, and they absolutely have as evidenced by the fact that they've been having a conniption on Twitter for the past few months now that Eivor is suddenly getting even half of the attention from the marketing team that Havi has gotten for two years. The comments section on every official social media post featuring Eivor is a sea of people complaining about how “female” Eivor being canon makes no sense, how her voice sucks, how she is just the result of Ubisoft pandering to a “woke” demographic. The “fan” response could not be more blatantly misogynistic. What’s more, Ubisoft bases the trajectory of their games at least partially on fan responses. It’s a toxic feedback loop of them making creative decisions built on sexism and the fans responding in turn. 

Ubisoft deciding to implement gender choice as a mechanic didn't happen because they suddenly had a change of heart after happily ignoring their female players for years. It happened because they got busted for the "women don't sell" comments and the company's history of burying sexual assault allegations, and because they finally caught on to the fact that catering to gamers that aren't cishet men might actually be profitable. And it wasn't for lack of trying from the devs within the company because again, Origins was originally conceived as being Aya's game, Evie and Jacob were at the very least supposed to have equal screen time when development on Syndicate was in the early stages, Elise's role in Unity was also reduced... you get the idea.

Letting people choose to play as a woman or letting people choose to play as a Queer person is great. But it's an obvious cop out when your company also has a history of suppressing those very same voices, has done next to nothing to remedy the toxic company culture that encourages that behaviour in the first place, and when you've been dragging your feet as a developer about making your games even just a bit more inclusive for years. It’s an empty gesture when those female characters need to be watered down just enough for their male counterparts to make some amount of sense in the story, and when the marketing for the game hides them away like some kind of shameful secret. 

Suddenly making games starring female protagonists because you’ve realized that it might be profitable, while also making it optional anyway, isn’t exactly the win for representation they seem to think it is. Especially when the marketing favours the non-canon, male protagonists so totally that most people would assume Eivor and Kassandra are skins of their male counterparts. Because heaven forbid the poor baby boys have their escapist fantasy shaken if they have to play as a woman who’s better at getting girls than they are. Making your representation optional makes your representation look half-assed and while I absolutely adore Eivor and Kassandra, I mourn what they could have been if their stories were allowed to be fully theirs. 

Perhaps I’m being overly harsh and Ubisoft simply decided to implement gender choice in Valhalla in good faith. I honestly wouldn’t care if I thought it had, or if AC games had always allowed players to choose their gender. But considering the company’s history, and considering the game’s marketing, I somehow doubt that. Especially when, in their first game featuring a canon male protagonist since before AC pivoted to RPGs, they are not giving players the option to choose their gender. 

Hi Basim. 

Now don’t get me wrong. I obviously understand why Mirage doesn’t allow players to choose their gender; Basim is a pre-existing character, and it really wouldn’t make sense. But it is so transparent that they are willing to jump through narrative hoops to explain why Alexios is playable as the Eagle Bearer, but the same thing can’t be done for Basim. I suppose the importance of coming up with convoluted reasons as to why your protagonist’s gender is so easily changeable fades away when you’re not trying to replace a woman. 

But what’s this? By God it’s–it’s Mirage with a steel chair!

The final content update for Valhalla feels like a teaser for Mirage. Full stop. If you think I'm being too harsh or unfair, then that's your prerogative. But in The Last Chapter, in the long-awaited conclusion to Eivor’s story, we don't even get to play as Eivor. The entire questline (if it can even be considered that much) consists almost entirely of cutscenes, which we view through Basim's perspective while Eivor is relegated to a side character. It’s a collection of Eivor’s memories that are supposedly filtered by emotional intensity, as Basim puts it. Grief, longing, sadness: all emotions that I fail to see being presented in the memories they gave us, at least for the most part. For the first time in Valhalla, we are voyeurs to Eivor’s memories rather than experiencing her life through her own eyes. The role of the animus user in past Assassin’s Creed games has always been pretty unobtrusive, but The Last Chapter constantly reminds us that Basim is there and watching. "Animus magic," as Basim calls it, was less of a necessity to the plot and felt a lot more like Ubisoft's marketing department gone awry. 

I'm thinking about what Basim says at the end of the base game, when he is in the modern day and speaking to Eivor's remains. When he says, "I can take from you anything I want... your memories, your skills, your secrets. They're all mine." It's so ironic because he really stole Eivor's ending right out from under her, and I would have to laugh if it didn’t suck so much. It's all I could think about while I was watching Basim flippantly scrub through some of Eivor's most "emotional" memories which for some reason include… saying goodbye to Guthrum, a character we spend very little time with in the grand scheme of things, and who Eivor has next to no emotional attachment to. I understand the desire to tie up loose ends in terms of the historical events that were happening around this time, and they absolutely should have done all that because Assassin’s Creed has always been, in part, an exploration of history. But it should not have happened at the cost of providing closure for characters who were such significant figures in Eivor’s life.

I thought the Roshan quest was fun and I loved her and Eivor’s dynamic, even if we only got a small glimpse of it. But it was development time that could have been spent on wrapping up Eivor’s narrative instead of making another timeline agnostic add-on stealth mission in a game that has always had notoriously janky stealth mechanics. I look forward to seeing more of Roshan in Mirage and can now rest easy knowing that she is going to survive to the end of that game (although I cannot fathom why they decided to spoil that so early on). But they used what was apparently very limited time to give us a quest, very clearly a nod to Mirage, that does more to promote their next AAA title than serve the narrative of Valhalla.

Using the ending of a game to lead into the next is fine and is to be expected. But that transition should not come at the cost of a resolution for the story you're leaving behind. And really, it seems there was far more thought put into Basim and William Miles' first meeting than how Eivor came to the decision to leave for Vinland. 

I think Basim is an incredibly rich, complex character, and it will be interesting to see what direction they take his prequel. But as someone who has actually been really excited for Mirage, the way they've dealt with this transition between games has left me feeling so conflicted, not least of all because of how quickly Ubisoft dropped the ball on Valhalla as soon as Mirage was announced. I’m not sure I’ll be able to look at everything we will be gaining with Basim in the next game without also feeling bitter about everything we lost with Eivor. It’s not terribly surprising, since Ubisoft has never treated Eivor’s character with any amount of respect; not in the marketing, and not in most of the post-launch content that has come out in the past year. 

The post-launch that launched absolutely nothing

Darby has now said that The Last Chapter is meant as more of a direct follow up to the epilogue of the main campaign, to be played right after Gunnar's wedding. This is why they didn't feel the need to show a goodbye between Eivor and her people; the wedding functions as a sufficient goodbye to the Raven Clan.

But even if that was even remotely satisfying, it doesn't explain when Eivor came to accept her role as a sage, a role that she has yet to understand by the end of the base game, even if she is perhaps beginning to question it at the very least. It doesn't explain why it was never truly addressed in any of the some 100 plus hours of content that have been released for this game since then. It doesn't explain why Eivor and Randvi might finally pursue a relationship, only for Eivor to suddenly pick up and leave for Vinland, alone and permanently. It doesn’t explain why Eivor would leave for distant shores without saying goodbye to Ljufvina, or Vili, or Stowe and Erke, or Broder, or Oswald and Valdis, or Swanburrow, or any of the many other people whose relationships Eivor cherishes throughout the game. 

If anything, The Last Chapter being played immediately after Gunnar's wedding and the rest of the Hamtunscire epilogue makes it even more important for Eivor to say goodbye to her people, because that whole arc only cements Eivor’s devotion to her people, as well as how much her “encounters” with Odin have shaken her faith. Even then, that doesn't even touch on when or why she came to the decision to leave in the first place. 

Due to a “play anytime” approach that Ubisoft–for reasons I cannot even begin to fathom–decided to take with all the post-launch content for this game, all DLCs for Valhalla are exactly that: they can be played at any time. They go to great pains to avoid spoiling story points from the base game, they rarely make references to events from the base game and, perhaps most critically here, they don’t build on any of the plotlines of the base game. 

Remember that pin we stuck in Odin earlier? Hi. He's back.

None of the DLCs released in post-launch–from Wrath of the Druids to The Siege of Paris, to smaller, free additions such as the River Raids–touch on Eivor’s connection to Odin or her understanding of it, or any of the other potential threads left behind by the base game. Other more mythologically inclined entries like the Mastery Challenges, Dawn of Ragnarok, and The Forgotten Saga scratch the surface of it, but never dig deep enough for Eivor to put two and two together. Even in the Odyssey crossover with Kassandra, who has intimate knowledge of the Isu and their artifacts, Eivor remains completely clueless about her role as a sage despite it being the perfect opportunity for her to learn more. 

At no point is Eivor shown to make any wild revelations about her Isu heritage that could justify her decision to leave. There is a gaping hole in the narrative where that development should be, and therefore the jump from “everything else” to “I’m older now, and I want to learn from the god who lives in my head,” is unearned and comes from completely out of nowhere. The DLCs could have remedied this easily by giving us deeper insight into how Eivor interprets her visions, specifically how she interprets her relationship to Odin. They could have dug into how and when she comes to terms with that connection, and the same could be said for how she comes to know about all the other sages, including Harald, who Eivor and Sigurd suddenly seem to know about being the reincarnation of Freyr despite not seeing him in more than a decade and never mentioning it before. But they can’t, because the DLCs are playable at any time, and therefore cannot discuss things the player may not yet understand.

The brevity of this DLC was especially jarring, even as someone who went into this with low expectations. Because after two years worth of updates, including some sizable free ones, I thought that surely Eivor’s conclusion would be considered important enough to receive the time and attention it deserved. After all, Kassandra got her own surprise ending in the form of the Crossover Stories, announced completely out of nowhere two years after the last DLC for Odyssey was released. After all the time and effort and love that clearly went into that crossover, it seemed reasonable enough that the ending for Valhalla, a game that was still being supported, would have the same amount of effort put into it, if not more. Instead we got a barely there wrap-up that lasts maybe 45 minutes at most, if you’re being generous, and fails spectacularly at offering the catharsis that should be a no-brainer in a story where the main character’s death has been a mystery to be unraveled, right from the beginning. 

Eivor is dead. She has been dead for centuries, buried across an ocean from everyone and everything she knew in life. The how and why of Eivor’s burial site is a question that follows us through her entire journey and throughout the entire game. One that was never resolved… until now, with some vague notion about leaving everything she has worked for and everyone she holds dear behind in an attempt to find herself, all with the help of an entity with whom her relationship has been tenuous at best. Eivor decides to banish the part of her that is Odin because she doesn’t like that part of herself. That second soul, the part of her that values personal glory above all else. Even in The Last Chapter, she describes Odin’s memories as “malicious.” So why backtrack so completely? 

I have no idea.

It’s possible the developers weren’t given enough time to give this final chapter the breathing room it needed to make sense. It’s possible they had lost enthusiasm, and just wanted to rip the band-aid off and get this thing over with. It’s possible Ubisoft wanted to cobble together the scraps of a potentially satisfying ending so they could say they did it, before turning all of their attention to their next title. As it stands, I wish they had just left Valhalla alone, with an open ending, instead of providing a non-answer that feels like an afterthought. An incomplete conclusion to a story and a cast of characters that many of us still care so much about, but Ubisoft seemingly gave up on long ago. 

Eivor deserved better. 

The Raven Clan deserved better. 

Valhalla deserved better. 

We, the fans, deserved better.

If you actually read this far then there is a good chance that you also need therapy

This whole affair really reminds me of the last time I felt this profoundly disappointed by a piece of media I loved. It reminds me of how I felt after watching the second season finale of The Mandalorian, when it hit me that the whole season had just been a series of various cameos and fan service moments that only made sense to the plot at a stretch. It hit me that I had just spent the previous eight weeks watching the show runners completely sideline their main characters–Din Djarin and Grogu–and lose the plot in favour of promoting future Star Wars projects. When it seemed like all the good writing in the show previously had been entirely accidental. But the major difference between The Mandalorian and the ending of Valhalla is that I knew there would be another season of The Mandalorian to potentially patch things up and pick up on some of the plot threads that were dropped. For Valhalla, this is it. There is no more content upcoming that will patch this up and, in hindsight, there are plenty of other things added to this game in post launch that I think would have also made me feel the same way I feel right now if I knew they were the last piece of content we’d ever see. 

Am I overthinking this? Perhaps. Am I being melodramatic? Probably. But to me, this ending for Eivor feels like yet another perfect example of what happens when corporate interests are allowed to dictate creative decisions. 

I say all this as someone who has and will continue to defend a lot of Valhalla’s faults, because if writing this whole thing has done anything, it has served to remind me how good the core narrative of the base game really is. It has depth, it has heart, and I hope that other people who enjoyed it as much as I did–and are as disappointed by The Last Chapter as I am–are able to reconcile the beauty of Eivor’s character arc in the main game with the way it was seemingly undone in The Last Chapter. 

I’m trying my very best to not let this ending retroactively take away all the joy I’ve found in this game for the past year. And in spite of how negative this critique has been, writing it has actually really helped me do just that. Because in writing this critique, I was also looking back on Valhalla’s narrative, its highs and lows, its major plot points, and I was re-watching clips. A speed run of Eivor’s greatest hits, if you will. 

I was reminded of why I connected so strongly with Eivor in the first place. I was reminded of her strength, her kindheartedness, her love of children, her wit, the poetry of her dialogue, her sense of duty. I was reminded of her rage, her single mindedness, her sense of loyalty that is often to her own detriment when she offers it to those who don’t deserve it. I was reminded of her character arc from someone who spends so much of her life on a single minded quest for revenge, to someone who becomes a beloved leader to her people. 

I was reminded of the Valhalla sequence at the end of the game, a sequence that still makes me cry just as much now as it did the first time I played it, if not more. When Eivor, who has spent most of her life feeling nothing but resentment and shame toward her dead father, finally learns to understand why he did what he did. When she understands why he laid down his axe, the very same axe she holds now, in the futile hope that his daughter, his wife, and the rest of his people would be spared, only for most of his people to be slaughtered anyway. When Eivor has finally realized, through years of acting as a leader to her people, why Varin did what he did, even in opposition to everything she has ever been taught to value. When she has grown enough to realize that she too would make the exact same choice her father did, her cowardly father, because she too would die in dishonour if it offered even the slightest chance to save her loved ones. When Eivor, who has spent her life trying to justify her existence by being useful, finally accepts that her parents died because they loved her and not because she didn't do enough. When Eivor is holding the very same axe now that her father held then and the High One himself is offering her wisdom and glory and power and she, like her father before her, drops her axe and turns her back and chooses love instead.

That is the version of Eivor I will remember. Not the hastily cobbled together ghost of her that we saw in The Last Chapter.

[davesbigwhirlwind]

Maturing Fast

The story of a teenage forced to entirely change his look entirely and conform to the style his parents decide for him (it's my first post of Tumblr, and possibly the first part of a longer story, so all comments welcomed).

As a teenager growing up in the mid-90s, I thought I was invincible - while I wasn't really bad, I did push boundaries, and would occasionally skip classes with my mates and had had a couple of warnings from the police. Jeans, tracksuits and trainers and my centre parted 'curtains' hairstyle hung down to cover the top of my ears and sat full at the back of my head down to my collar - this was my look, and I thought I looked so cool! It was just the start of spring break and I got caught with my mates for fighting another group of kids at the shopping centre, and the police got involved. My parents were furious, and I was instantly told that, as part of my punishment, I was grounded. I'd been given previous warnings about my behaviour, and I was told that things would change to ensure my behaviour improved. After 2 weeks of extreme boredom of not being able to leave the house, other than under the supervision of my parents, it got to the Saturday before school returned, and I was told by my dad we were going into town. They were still angry that I was letting them down, and so I knew better than to question this or push back. We found ourself outside the barber my dad went to - and which I had gone to until about 4 years previous. Many a standard boys short back and sides with a straight fringe had been administered to me here in the years before I was allowed to get a more fashionable haircut from a stylist. My dad turned to me, "right, listen up, you'll be getting a haircut of my choosing today, as it's become clear that you can't make sensible decisions on your own, and you need clearer guidance on what is acceptable, and how a responsible young man should act and look." I knew I had no really option on this so merely nodded and got directed in through the door to wait. 15 minutes later I was in the barber's chair. We'd covered the predictables - yes, I'd grown a lot in 4 years, and yes, the barber had never seen my hair so long. I knew better than to make any sarcastic comments, so merely nodded and awaited my fate, with growing nervousness. And here it came, as my dad told the barber "he's been getting himself into a bit of trouble of late, so me and his mum have decided he needs more direction and clarity to help support him make the right decisions - it's time for a change of style, I'm thinking something similar to how I wear my hair." I was horrified. I couldn't believe what I'd just heard. My dad was in his forties. I was 15. How could it possibly be considered that his deeply unfashionable dad's hair style could be considered suitable for me?!? My dad's hair, peppered with grey, was a short back and sides - maybe half an inch on the back and sides, but then with a side part with the hair swept back to form a small quiff of hair to match with the other dull business men he worked with. Surely he just meant to make the hair a bit shorter, rather than to inflict a style that only a middle aged man could consider wearing - I was surely panicking unnecessarily? The barber nodded, "ok, so if we start with a short back and sides and then we can take it from there. Are we keeping the centre parting?" my dad jumped straight in to kill any hopes that I could retain anything like my current style: "no, he needs a proper mans haircut - side parted, short but with enough to sit nicely." With that the barber started combing out my hair and wetting it. He brushed it forward then put in a new part about a quarter of the way across my head. "how's that?" the barber asked. "No, I think a bit further over, just like mine" my dad responded. The barber raised his eyebrows slightly and moved the parting over so it sat over near the temple of my head. My dad nodded. This was looking horrific. The barber was quickly chopping away at hair. He cut tightly around the back and sides of my head, fully exposing my ears and neck. The bulk of my hair was quickly reduced around the sides to less than half an inch, and then getting progressively longer on the crown of my head, through to about 3 inches at the front, which was swept to the side, following a thrashing with the thinning shears. I thought that at least I could try and recreate my centre parted haircut at the front - even though it would be much shorter, I could salvage something of my dignity. The barber killed any hopes of this as he briefly brushed my hair forward, and working from the full length at the side where the part was, he then cut diagonally upwards through my fringe, so that at the other side of my forehead I had almost no fringe at all. I was horrified. This left me with no option at all other than to wear my hair to the side. He then blow-dried my hair, helping to train it to sit flat in the newly inflicted side parting. He then suggested to shave in the side parting to help me to make sure I kept a proper, straight parting, especially while my hair was getting used to it's new style. My dad readily agreed, further signing my death warrant on having any flexibility on my hairstyle whatsoever. He then used his razor and started to taper the back and sides of my already short hair. I thought it couldn't get any worse, but he then shaved off my entire sideburns, which were my best feature, having extended fully to the bottom of my ear lobe. I was reduced to the tiniest of tabs at the very top of my ears. I reflected on how ridiculous I looked as he trimmed around the hairline and dusted me off. I looked like a want-to-be junior librarian. "Pomade?" My dad nodded. My hair was suddenly plastered with grease and brushed carefully to either side of the bright white parting, while the front hair was carefully flicked over and brushed backwards. I was then shown the back which just looked like a very bland man's hairstyle, with my hair now being a dark, shiny brown rather than the dirty blond of my long-haired days. I looked even more stupid now - I looked like a little boy trying to be a business man. I was so upset. How could my dad do this to me? He looked so pleased with himself, he had a massive smile on his face as I went and sat on the row of seats. My dad was now in the chair getting his normal trim and, with pomade applied, had a very similar style to me - though his grey hair made it much less harsh than my dark hair really highlighting the businessman's hairstyle that now sat on my head. No-one at school had a style like this - yes some boys had shorter hair (especially the nerdy ones), but even they didn't have a side parting!!! As we left the shop my dad ruffled my hair (which did not move!) and said how proud he was of my behaviour, and that he hoped I would realise that this is just part of him and my mum helping to show me the right way to get ahead in life. I burst into tears. Anger and humiliation surged through my body as I screamed at him. To be fair to him, he was very calm but he explained that things needed to change, and that this was just part of the journey to me becoming a respectable man. He guided me down the road as he said we needed to buy some things for the start of the school term on Monday. In the shoe shop, he asked for a pair of black shoes for me - the man came back with a pair of waxy leather boat shoes. While my mates all wore trainers to school, I also saw that many of the kids wore these shoes, and while it was another frustration if I was made to wear these, it still wasn't anything bad compared to the haircut. However my dad shook his head and asked for a formal dress shoe. A pair of formal dress oxfords were put on my feet.  They were the shiniest shoes I'd ever seen, and so stiff and creaky, while the leather sole clomped on the floor as I walked down the shop in them. I highlighted they hurt my feet, but my dad was happy that I'd soon break them in, as I'd be wearing them every day - this was as bad as the haircut! We then went on to buy some new smart trousers and blazer to replace the jeans I'd previously worn to school. I was going to look like a junior funeral director. I wasn't sure how I was going to get through school on Monday, but I was hopeful that this punishment would soon pass. But my parent had other ideas, and little did I realise this was just the start of my journey to adulthood.

[butcharondir]

!!! Spoilers for 1899 !!!

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Whoops, I’ve got some more rambling, unhinged 1899 meta to share, this time about character arcs and fatal flaws. Sorry in advance. 

So, thinking about Singleton’s speech in Episode 7: 

“Every time, they make the same mistakes. And every time, they die. Because they can’t get rid of their emotions. But that’s what makes them weak. It’s human nature’s ultimate flaw. One shouldn’t base a choice on love, anger, hate. They’re just silly feelings that cloud the mind.” 

So, there’s a lot of different ways to interpret what’s going on in the simulation, and how involved Singleton, Maura, Daniel, Elliot, Ciaran, etc. are in its execution. For the purposes of this meta, and given the implications of the quote above, I am going to be working off the idea that the simulation is a test of sorts — one that can, hypothetically, be passed, if the characters make the right choices. In this case, the “right” choices are presumably logical decisions unaffected by their own emotions. However, they are continuously failing to overcome their traumas, their desires, their clouded minds: “Every time, they make the same mistakes. And every time, they die.” 

If the simulation is a test of sorts, then it’s one the characters are being set up to fail. They have all been given some sort of motivating instruction that pushes them into the drama — a letter or document that gives them the need to get on that ship, but which also embeds them with painful memories and strong emotional impulses — my brother lives in Brooklyn, the doctor who could save my life is in New York, the person I killed is in Hong Kong or Spain, the man who betrayed me is in that cabin, etc. etc. Additionally, we know at least some of them are being actively triggered, forced to re-live these traumas. Their fatal mistakes aren’t really failures, just human responses to emotional pain. 

So: what are their mistakes? How is the simulation testing them and how are they failing? And what does this reveal about the characters and their relationships? 

A couple other notes: for the purpose of this, I’m going to be focusing more on the secondary characters. The primaries: Daniel, Maura, Elliot, (and to a lesser extent, Eyk) have more mobility within the simulation — they are crawling around in tunnels in its understructure while everyone else is mostly just acting it out. For this reason, they are a little more complicated to grapple with, so I’m going to just set them to the side for now. 

It’s also unclear to me which beats in the disaster we see unfold are designed into the simulation and which are hacks executed by Daniel. How different is this loop from the ones before it? (“We’ve never gotten this far before”). Is Daniel a worm in the apple or just part of it? I don't think I can answer that question, so for the purpose of this meta, I’m going to assume that things are supposed to go wrong in the simulation, and that Daniel is sometimes altering the simulation’s design and sometimes just triggering its beats so he can move through the story more efficiently. I’m not going to spend a lot of energy trying to determine which is which. 

OKAY WOOF, damn you showrunners for making me word vomit about sci-fi babble when all I want to do is talk about CHARACTERS. 

So, I think the first big test point of the simulation comes when the coordinates are received from the Prometheus. Eyk is immediately drawn in by this message and changes course to hunt it down, thereby triggering the rest of the events that lead to the failed loop. Of course, Maura is also hunting the Prometheus, and it perhaps its their mutual (and mutually supporting) motivation that triggers the disaster. Still, Eyk has more power in the ship’s structure, and he lets his own trauma, his desire to hunt down his own ghosts, and perhaps his allegiance to Maura motivate his decision — at the expense of the interests of everyone else on that ship.

Eyk’s obsession with the Prometheus, in combination with the death of Ada, the mystery of the Boy, and the spreading “plague” on the ship, eventually leads to the mutiny. The mutiny is another big moment where we can see character motivations and triggers play out, on both sides of the conflict, and for this reason can be viewed as a test point that the characters are “failing”. Franz is an interesting character, because he isn’t really presented as one of our mains, and he doesn’t appear to be in one of the pods in the final scene, nor do we have evidence that he’s receiving trauma triggers like most of the others. Despite this, he survives long into into the disaster and makes many pivotal choices which drive forward the narrative. Namely, showing Ada’s body to Tove, arming the steerage passengers (thereby enabling the mutiny) and eventually, dying to save Tove. I’m interested in that dynamic, but don’t really have more to say than that he seems to be emotionally motivated by Tove and eventually fails the simulation in part because of some allegiance he has to her. 

It’s easy to frame the characters who side with Eyk as being more “good” or “just,” but their actions also contribute towards escalating the conflict to deadly levels. Here too, the characters are being motivated by their own personal dramas. Throughout the entire mutiny, Jérôme is being triggered by his traumatic memories with Lucien — another time when someone claimed power and status by force and tossed him aside as collateral — and he’s not willing to let that happen again. It’s less about Eyk or the Boy then about getting to re-do this painful moment and achieve a just end this time. Ramiro warns Eyk, but one gets this sense this is at least partly motivated by his desire to punish Ángel for Ángel’s mistreatment of him. Olek — oh, Olek — seems to me to simply have a self-sacrificial nature. We don’t really have the context on this, as we never see the full scope of his trauma memory, but whatever happened seems to be motivating him to invest his care in others at the expense of his own interests. This will also be his ultimate “failure.” 

The character who most pivotally escalates the violence on the side of the mutineers is Krester. His choice to tell Iben about the boy and to support her search for him seems to come from a self-hatred he cannot unlearn — the idea that he’s being punished for his own nature and must try to negate it. This self-destruction is consummated when he is one of the first to throw himself overboard during the calling,which is, I think, another test of the simulation — which characters are motivated enough to resist it and which are not? Who “fails” the call? 

(Again, I mean “failing” in the logic of the simulation — their failures are that they are humans who are not allowed to move on from their pain. This is a rigged test.) 

Our notable characters who fall victim to the calling are Krester, Yuk Je, Iben (she needs to be tied up but is clearly in zombie-mode) and Virginia, who only escapes in the knick of time because of Daniel’s override. Krester, as discussed above, is perhaps susceptible because of his own self-resentment. We know that Yuk Je never wanted to be on the ship in the first place, that she was dragged unwillingly by her daughter and regretted it vocally ever since. Iben is clearly susceptible to all sorts of callings, benevolent or not, and Virginia is fascinating, because her failure here seems to be her own isolation. Aside from her oppressive dynamic with Ling Yi and Yuk Je, she is quite solitary in the narrative. She prefers to control and manipulate those around her rather than getting close to them or relying on them for support. She clearly resisted the call for a while but ultimately fell prey simply because she had no one to tie her up. She was alone! This fatal flaw continues after she touches the virus and conceals the way it’s corrupting her presence in the simulation. 

By the time the storm comes around, the characters are left scrambling to save whatever individuals they can, even at the expense of the so-called “greater good.” Olek is the poster boy of this: he abandons the ship’s wheel to protect Ling Yi, and he succeeds, but at the cost of his own life and perhaps others. Anker falls prey to his own fatal flaw — his inability to walk away from Iben — and they die together. Lucien has spent the narrative pushing everyone away from him, driven by paranoia over his illness and his own deceits. But even so, Jérôme and Clémence futilely work try to save him, leaving the furnaces to do so. Ángel and Ramiro are able to set aside their conflict and trade honest affection, but not in time to save Ángel or turn the course on any other part of the disaster. 

Of course, we know it’s all useless: the simulation has already been deemed a failure, there’s nothing they can do either way, and therein lies the tragedy. They’ve actually overcome so much. They’ve set aside some of their own pain to better help each other. But this emotional catharsis was never the point! The simulation isn’t requiring them to heal their trauma, it’s requiring them to be inhuman!  

The biggest question that remains for me is what distinguishes the final survivors of the simulation: Jérôme, Clémence, Virginia, Ramiro, Ling Yi, and Tove. (And Maura, of course). By episode 8, the simulation is so corrupted that it’s hard to say how similar this is to previous runs re: final survivors. Did the same group make it to the end in the previous loop? What wiped them out in that simulation? How did Daniel’s hacks give them an advantage this time around? *massive shrugging gesture* Hey I never promised to have coherent theories here, I just wanted to ramble about characters!

Anyway, there are obviously a lot more “test points” to pull out from the story, nor did I touch on every character, but this already took me fucking days to write as is,,,, so. I hope it was interesting! I’d loveeee to hear peoples’ thoughts, piggy-backs, counter ideas, etc.