#I’m making light of it where I can but I’m actually having visceral

[ink-and-dagger]

ARCANE SEASON 2 TRAILER ARCANE SEASON 2 TRAILEEEERRRRRRR

I’m gonna be so real with you anon I haven’t watched it yet and I can’t bring myself to because the mere thought of Arcane Season 2 genuinely makes me sick with anxiety 💀

I haven’t figured out why yet. But for now I’m avoiding as much as I can until I can get over it, because I really really really want to be excited but at the moment all I feel is dread.

[togrowoldinv]

Drill Lessons

Natasha Romanoff x Female Reader

Natasha shows you how to use a power tool and your mutual crush comes to light

Warnings: Smut! 18+ please! Kissing, cursing, oral (N and R receiving)

Natasha Masterlist 1, Natasha Masterlist 2, Natasha Masterlist 3, Main Masterlist

To you, Natasha Romanoff is the most beautiful woman to ever walk the earth.

You’ve been wanting to tell her for months that you like her. Ever since you joined the team you’ve had feelings for her. But you can’t get a read on her.

You have no idea if she has feelings for you too. Sometimes it feels like she’s flirting with you but then you see or hear her act the same way with one of the guys and you brush it off as nothing.

This weekend Clint invited everyone to his farm to enjoy a quick getaway and clear your heads. Missions hadn’t been easy lately, so you all needed the reprieve.

When you arrive, Natasha walks in the house first. She’s clearly very comfortable here.

“Welcome!” Laura says to everyone. “Come on in. Make yourselves at home!”

“Thank you for having us, Mrs. Barton,” you say when you greet her.

“Oh please, called me Laura,” she says. Then she addresses everyone, “We don’t have enough rooms so you’ll have to share. Nat, can y/n sleep with you?”

You try not to have a visceral reaction to the idea. You hold your breath as you await her reply.

“Sure,” Nat simply says. She turns to you, “I’ll show you the way.”

You follow her up the stairs where you run across a couple of kids.

“Auntie Nat?” A girl asks, in shock of seeing Nat.

“Hey malyshka,” Natasha replies. She brings the girl in for a hug. “Lila, this is y/n. Hopefully you won’t discover you like her more than you like me.”

You smile and wave to Lila. She returns the smile before running off downstairs.

Nat takes you down the hallway and to what appears to be her bedroom when she stays here. There are photos of the Barton family and Nat on the dresser. You admire how happy she looks here.

“I always sleep on the door side, but we’ll do whatever you feel comfortable with,” Nat says.

“Oh, either side works for me.”

Nat nods. You set your bag down on the bed and unpack a few things. Natasha moves around the room, gathering a few of her own things.

You both go back downstairs for the rest of the evening. Nothing too eventful happens. Everyone makes plans to spend time outside tomorrow.

Natasha is first to the bedroom. She slips into the bed casually. You try to do the same but fail miserably at not looking nervous.

“I don’t bite, you know,” Nat says teasingly.

“Right,” you respond too quickly. “I just- sorry.”

“Relax, y/n,” she says. You settle on your side of the bed. “Goodnight.”

“Night, Natasha.”

You both drift off into a peaceful sleep. You first, and then Natasha.

At some point during the night, you end up snuggling close to Natasha. She wakes up to the feeling of your arm draping over her. But she doesn’t mind it. Actually, she likes it.

When you wake up in the morning, you find yourself still nestled in her arms.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” you say, trying to move off of her.

“Hey, it’s fine,” Nat says, only tightening her grip a bit before letting you loose. “So, you’re a cuddler, huh?”

You look away shyly and Nat just smirks. Now you definitely can’t believe you slept next to Natasha and accidentally snuggled with her all night. She doesn’t say anything else about it until you go downstairs for the day.

“Good morning!” Laura greets. She’s pulling fresh biscuits from the oven. “How did you sleep?”

“Good,” you answer briefly.

“She sure was cozy,” Nat interjects. It’s just Laura in the room with you two, but you still try to hold back a blush.

“Mhm, I’m sure,” Laura replies. Somehow you’re sure she knows the way you feel about Nat and how Nat feels about you.

Soon, the boys come tumbling into the kitchen. You all go outside to do your respective chosen activities. Steve promised to show you how to chop wood while Nat and Clint run off to the barn to build a new shelter for some of the animals.

“So, what’s the deal with you and Romanoff?” Steve asks after a few minutes of chopping the wood.

“Oh, is there- is there a me and Romanoff?”

“Is there not?” He asks genuinely. “I’m sorry. I just thought that you two- nevermind.”

“It’s okay,” you reply, shrugging.

It does leave you wondering if the other members of the team think something is happening there too. You try not to think about it too much as you continue to work outside. The fresh air does wonders for you.

Steve asks you to go grab the axe sharpening block from the barn, so you walk to the structure. When you get there, you catch sight of something that makes your jaw practically drop to the ground.

Natasha is wearing only a blank tank top and shorts are she uses a power drill to build a wooden structure. Sweat drips down her neck and chest as she expertly uses the tool.

You swear she catches the sight of you out of the corner of her eye, but she continues on with her drilling. She lifts heavy pieces of wood with ease. You can’t stop staring.

Nat lifts her tank top up to wipe the sweat from her face. You see her ab happy stomach and the sports bra that’s keeping the rest of her skin covered.

“Enjoying the view?” Nat says aloud. You’ve definitely been caught now.

“Oh, I was just-“ you start, but there’s no use. You were doing exactly that. “My bad.”

“Don’t apologize,” Nat says. “Come on in, what did you need?”

“We needed the axe sharpener block thing?”

“Is that a question?”

“Well, I don’t know what it is so yes?”

Nat chuckles. She turns to look at the shelf behind her for the tool you need. Her backside somehow looks just as good as her front.

“Here you go,” Nat says. She hands you the block. You are standing close to her now. “The real fun is happening in there though. I can show you how to use this.”

She gestures to the drill in her left hand, pressing her finger on the trigger to make it whir. You shouldn’t be so intrigued by it. Or by her for that matter. But you are.

“Maybe tomorrow you can show me?” You ask her.

“How about tonight?” Nat asks. Her voice drops an octave. You pray she means what you think she means.

You swallow shyly and Nat shoots you a smile. Slowly, you leave her there and go back to Steve. He doesn’t mention how long it took you to get the tool, thank goodness.

Later that day, you all grill out burgers and hotdogs. Clint tries to show off his grilling skills, but the team just gives him a hard time saying that it’s not all that hard anyways.

By the time evening comes, everyone’s sitting around a campfire. Natasha sits across from you. She glances at her phone and then to you as a way of alerting you to look at your phone.

The text reads: Meet me in the barn. 10 minutes.

You nod in her direction to acknowledge you got the message. The minutes pass by and you both leave to go to the barn.

When you get inside, Nat is already over by the wood she was working with earlier.

“Come on, I’ll show you,” Nat says.

“Okay,” you agree. You stand next to her.

“First things first, always know your surroundings,” Nat says.

She abruptly places her hands on your hips. She easily moves you to the right and left to observe your surroundings. Your heart stops when she reaches around you and her face is mere inches from yours.

She steps back and has a pair of clear glasses in her hand.

“And wear safety glasses,” she says. She places them on your face. You’re sure you look like an absolute fool. “Cute.”

“You didn’t wear these yesterday,” comes your reply.

“That’s because I’m an expert,” Nat says. She surprises you by pinching your cheeks. “You’ll get there, sweetheart.”

Natasha grabs the drill and ushers you to move closer to the wood with her. She takes you through step by step on how to use the power tool.

“Now, you can try,” Nat says.

“Okay,” you reply. You feel a little nervous about trying it. Nat assures you that you can’t mess it up.

You try to focus even with Nat being so close to you. For the first time using a drill, you don’t do terribly.

“Nice job, y/n,” Nat says. “But you’ll want to apply more pressure. Let me help you, sweetheart.”

Natasha places her hand on yours and pushes down on the drill. You pull the trigger and drill the screw into the wood. Her hot breath is on your neck.

You smile at your success and turn just enough to look at Nat. She’s just inches from you.

“Should we take this inside?” Nat asks. Her eyes glance to your lips and back up to your eyes. She brings her other hand to your cheek and brushes the back of it against it.

“Are you- um- yes?”

“Yes? Or yes.”

“The second one,” you say. Natasha smirks at you.

You leave the drill and safety glasses behind. Natasha holds your hand as she walks you to the house. You slip upstairs easily and she closes her bedroom door behind her.

“I’ve had my eye on you for a while,” Natasha says.

“Really?” You ask innocently.

“Really, detka. Come here,” she says, bringing you to the bed with her.

You sit next to her and she kisses you softly. It’s like floating on a cloud. You didn’t think she would be this gentle. But you’re loving it.

“May I?” Nat asks, gesturing to your shirt. You nod. She lifts the material over your head. “Beautiful.”

You feel sure you’re blushing at her words and the way her eyes rake over your body.

“Can I- um?” You pull at her tank top hem.

“Yes, baby,” Natasha says. “You can do anything to me.”

You lift the thin material over her head. Your heart stops at her beauty. You immediately lean forward and take her nipple into your mouth. It surprises Natasha how intentional you are being.

“Fuck, baby.”

“Is this okay?” You ask, pulling away a bit. Nat pulls your head back to her breasts. You’ll take that as a yes.

Natasha fumbles with your pants. She gets them unbuttoned but grumbles in frustration when she can’t get them off. You chuckle against her.

“Okay, hold on,” Nat says. She stands up and pulls her own pants down before grabbing you by the hips and pulling you up too.

Natasha takes your pants off with ease this time and slips them down your legs along with your underwear. She grins and drops to her knees. It doesn’t take her long to get to work licking and sucking at your pussy.

“Oh my god,” you moan out.

“You taste so good, baby. All for me,” Nat says.

“Fuck.”

You feel close to coming embarrassingly quickly but Natasha is proud of her work.

“Come for me, y/n,” she says. Her voice drips with sex.

“Fuck, Natasha!”

You come hard against her tongue. She licks you clean and stands back up. She kisses you deeply. It’s the most on fire you have ever felt.

“I want to taste you,” you tell Nat.

“Your wish is my command,” Nat says. She lays on the bed and you crawl over her body.

“So beautiful,” you say as you kiss from between her breasts down to her hips.

“You’re not so shy now are you?” Nat asks. You answer by diving into her wet pussy.

Her folds are slick and she’s ready for you. You lick and suck her, cherishing every noise she makes.

“Fuck, baby,” Nat says. “I’m going to come.”

“Come for me, Natasha.”

She does just that. You relish in the sounds she makes. You move back up her body and lay next to her.

“So, all of those times I thought you were flirting with me you actually were?” You break the silence.

Nat chuckles. “Yes, y/n. I’ve been hinting at it for months. I’m glad we finally got on the same page.”

She looks at you through her long eyelashes. You rest your head on her shoulder.

“I’ve always liked you, Natasha,” you say. “Do you think the team noticed we left?”

“Nah,” Nat says. “Even if they did, I don’t care. I have you.”

“You sure do.”

You snuggle further into Natasha. She holds you close as you lay together and talk for hours.

[captain-mj]

I’m on my hands and knees BEGGING you for a stripper au 🙇🙇🙇🙇

Of course!! I've been dying to make one of these!!

Soap should not be here. He's a college professor for fuck's sake. He makes decent money but it's the principle of the things. Why would he go to a strip club when he could go to the bar and actually go home with someone?

But it was what his friends had invited him to do and he went along with it.

He tried not to overthink his clothing or the chances of him seeing any of his students there.

Soap ordered a scotch and tried to find somewhere to sit. It was a mixed club with men and women. It seemed... a little seedy despite the more expensive feeling of the place. Something about the entire thing felt off. He brushed off his feelings, blaming Catholic judgement for it.

Chuy had amassed a group of men and women around him to listen to his cryptid facts. He occasionally passed them money so they were making something but they were also choosing to stay next to him.

Gaz was staring at Chuy, trying to understand how he managed to do that.

Alejandro had disappeared... somewhere.

Soap took a sip of his drink, liking it at least. He doubted it was anything too fancy but it did the job just fine.

Pretty people went past him. Some flirted or tried to get him to take a lap dance, but he wasn't interested. They were nice, but not really his type. Nor did he want to blow a bunch of money just for the sake of it.

Soap found a place to sit where he could watch the stage, trying to see where everyone had disappeared to.

There was someone his type. Tall. Dressed in black. Broad shoulders and burly chest. Makeup all around his eyes. Pretty eyeliner.

The man, Ghost if his name tag meant anything, looked more like a bouncer than a stripper. But he was shirtless with just a mask and tight pants and he was eyeing Soap.

Big doe brown eyes staring into him, silently asking if he wanted his attention.

Soap was very happy there was an ATM nearby. With a confidence that was very much faked, he motioned for him to come over.

Ghost walked over. He didn't bat his eyelashes or immediately straddle him. He just stood between Soap's legs and looked down at him, almost like he inconvenienced him.

Soap put a twenty in Ghost's pocket and that look melted away, replaced with something much nicer.

"You look lonely."

Fucking Brits. Of course he was British. That didn't change that Soap's body had a visceral reaction to his voice.

"It's cause I am. Come to give me some company?"

Ghost laughed at him. It made Soap shrink back and his cheeks flushed. If anything though, it made him a little harder in his jeans. "You're cute. Name?"

Soap looked down his body, admiring the hard muscle and the slightly softer stomach. His hands fidgeted. "Soap."

"You can touch. And my name is Ghost."

Soap was immediately all over him. He'd like to use his mouth but that would be a little much in such a public area.

It would occur to him in exactly six hours that one of the biggest rules about strip clubs is you don't touch the dancer. And that Ghost had not let anyone else touch him that night. That would be in six hours though and right now, he was just marveling at the scarring along Ghost's body.

They were impossible to see with the club lighting, but he could feel them under his fingertips. The texture similar to a scar he had on his hand from dropping a knife.

He squeezed his eyes tight and gripped Ghost's sides. Ghost's hand grabbed his chin and made him look up. Dark eyes inches from his face.

"You alright, love?"

Soap shoved more money into Ghost's hands. "How much for a private dance?"

"I don't usually do those."

Soap must've looked distressed because Ghost, the saint, took pity on him. "Fine. How much do you have?"

"Three hundred dollars."

"I'll give you an hour."

Soap nodded and followed him excitedly. He didn't miss Ghost's amused glance.

The man grabbed the pole, slowly spinning around it as he watched Soap sit down. "You're adorable."

Soap blushed more and dropped his money at Ghost's feet. "Going to lose the mask?"

"You don't want me to. Trust me." Ghost jumped up and spun faster, suspending himself and expose his chest more.

"You ugly under there?"

"Quite the opposite."

"Worried I'll fall in love with you?"

"Absolutely." Ghost spun around slowly and arched his back. "Can't have you following me home, vying for me attention."

Soap felt himself getting hard. His body moved with such fluidity and grace that it was hard to not think of how it would feel to be underneath him. To have Ghost grabbing his hips. Would he prefer to be on top or bottom? He was more than happy either way. As long as those fucking abs were pressed against him, he could live with it.

Ghost crossed over to him and straddled him. He was so much bigger. So much fucking bigger. "Your hands go below my belt and I'll get you banned."

"Yes, sir."

"I like sir."

"Anything you want, sir." Soap smiled at him and put his hands on Ghost's waist. He ground down on him, the pressure against his body making him half crazy. His hips jerked up and Ghost paused, glaring.

"Don't move."

Soap took a deep breath and nodded. Ghost started to move again, letting Soap get a good look on him. It was so easy to imagine less clothing. God, he'd bankrupt himself to have Ghost riding him like this. His pants had slid down to see his v-line.

Soap slid his hands further up and touched his throat. Ghost purred and pressed in harder. "You're a pretty guy, you know that?"

Soap blushed more. "Thank you, sir."

Ghost stood up and trailed his hands between Soap's thighs, so tempting. Was he actually going to?? To touch?? him?? He was hoping for a lot here but his hands were getting so close.

Gaz knocked quickly. "Hey, Johnny, we gotta go. Right now. We're getting kicked out. Alejandro flirted a little too much with his favorite stripper."

Soap felt his heart sink. "Wai-"

Ghost stood up and fixed his pants. "Oh. You're Vargas's friend?"

Soap cringed. "Ah. Is that a bad thing?"

"Get out."

Soap moped the entire night, being extra mean to Alejandro for ruining that for him.

"I think I just missed the love of my life."

"He was a stripper. He just wanted your money." Chuy pointed out. He was currently washing the phone numbers off his arm. All of them were glaring at him.

Soap went to bed and maybe cried a little. Just a little. He refused to be that heartbroken over a guy he met for five minutes. His dick was heartbroken though.

Fucking Vargas.

He couldn't blame him too much. It was Rodolfo he had been flirting with. Those two had been chasing each other for ages and now Alejandro just blew as much money on him as he could until he ran out and Rodolfo kicked him out for it.

Soap crawled out of bed that day and went to work. He passed all of his colleagues, still thinking of those dark eyes and gorgeous body.

"Professor MacTavish." One of his colleagues greeted him as he passed.

Soap froze and turned around. Dark eyes. Gorgeous body. Ginger hair.

Professor Riley, someone Soap barely interacted with, stood there. Cardigan wrapped around him. He wore a medical mask thanks to self proclaimed "hideous" scarring.

"Hi..."

Ghost looked at him. "Yes, MacTavish?"

"I..."

Ghost tilted his head, looking confused. "Something wrong?"

Soap shook his head. "No..."

Ghost nodded and turned away to keep making his tea.

[grimmweepers]

i can’t believe this will just be me rambling about ONE song but the reason why i love classical sm is for the way it can literally tell you a narrative and evoke a whole spectrum of emotions with absolutely no words. like it is such a beautiful thing to convey stories purely told from the compositions and interplay of instruments.

i’m not a musical expert or a musician but when i can hear a story being told i get so caught up in it and i’m outing myself as a silly goose but it’s such a visceral experience for me (which is why i sometimes tear up when i’m listening to live performances sskjhahwkajwja). anyway the point of me saying all this is that there is a specific song i always associate with ryucifer because it kind of sets the tone for our dynamic and lore. scratches head i don’t have a lot of om mutuals or know who is willing to read something this long-winded about a single song from a specific genre but honestly that’s okay. if i didn’t get this piece of lore out of my system i would’ve imploded. so read only if you want to!

i’d like to think this song mirrors how lucifer and i interact with each other from the moment we meet to the day we accept our feelings for one another. he obviously isn’t my enemy but in the beginning, as i settle at the HoL, he’s clearly wary of me despite his brothers accepting me. lucifer remains polite and guarded, but he keeps his distance - almost like he’s waiting for me to prove myself. either as trustworthy or as trouble. and i think this dynamic is captured at the start of the song with its gentle and innocent melody.

i’ve decided to adopt this scene from early og game where he asks mc for a dance at diavolo’s castle and use it for ryucifer lore. i can’t actually remember how the canon scene went but basically for ryucifer, on the surface, the dance comes across like a formal gesture however as we move across the floor, the mood shifts entirely much like how the song does at 0:25-0:28 (it’s actually my fave part of the song). what starts off as light becomes much darker and that’s exactly how the scene unfolds. yeah so lucifer asks me to dance, and i assume it’s a gesture of good faith. then i realise it’s anything but. he actually uses the dance as a cover to deliver a threat: that he’s watching me and if i bring harm to his brothers, there’ll be consequences.

the tension peaks at the end of the dance when he squeezes my hand tight enough to make me wince and pull it away. he gives me a smile that doesn’t quite mask the threat in his eyes and walks away like nothing abnormal has transpired. i’m not afraid of him but i don’t know how to react, and i’m ultimately left feeling off balanced bc wtf. and ouch? it was unsettling (and i hate to say it) but strangely compelling.

as the song progresses, it becomes gentler, like how lucifer’s walls start to come down over time. they don’t disappear entirely because he’ll always be lucifer but they soften in ways that are almost imperceptible unless you’re paying close attention. the suspicion gives way to a grudging respect, then to affection that neither of us fully acknowledges at first. this slow unraveling of his defenses matches the song’s progression since the darker undertones fade and the melody grows warmer and more open

and pardon me if i’m using the wrong term but the crescendo around 2:20 is like a culmination of everything. as if this part of the song reflects the moment we finally accept what’s between us. it’s lush and expansive. it’s not rushed or sudden, like our love. and by that point we’ve stopped fighting against whatever is pulling us together and have decided to let it flow naturally. our relationship still feels like a literal and figurative dance (and since we both love classical, it always will) but it no longer feels like a battle or an act of wariness. instead it’s fluid and full of trust. we are moving in sync and learning to rely on each other <3

so yeah, the title of the song fits the story it’s trying to tell because if i imagined this whole scenario then the composer is definitely doing something right!!!!! thanks for reading my essay? analysis? word vomit??? whatever this is lmfaooooo thank you for making it this far :o)

[gaybd1]

So my favorite character in The Brothers Sun is Taiwan. Like yeah Taiwan has its own shows and movies but it just feels Different to see Taiwan in a big international/American show! It’s SO cool actually and so um here are some thoughts I had and things I Noticed about different Taiwan scenes and things in the show idk

Episode 1

the opening shot of Taipei tells us this is a Thursday- the top of 101 is green and is a different color every day of the week

that corkscrew-shaped apartment building we see Charles living in is kind of an urban legend here in Taipei. They say it’s the most expensive place to live in the city, that each apartment has its own swimming pool, and that there’s an elevator specifically to bring cars up to display in your living room. No idea if the interiors look like that for real though

I was gonna say it’s pretty crazy he has an American-style oven in Taipei bc nobody does but actually in that apartment… yeah he probably would

afaik there’s not a way to (“legally”/officially) stream any of those famous British baking shows here rip

I do wonder if they actually filmed the opening scene in the corkscrew building or if they just really pay attention to detail because the skyline seen out the window matches up to what it would really look like from that part of the city

the shoes, I mean we all know about shoes-off houses but yeah

豆漿. Soy milk. Yeah

They definitely eat Hi-chews in one of these scenes

Episode 2

It makes way more sense for the guys to have snuck out for shaved ice as kids than youtiao… I’m just saying… like would *I* do that yes but it’s usually just like. A thing you eat with soup or breakfast

Episode 3

“Are you sure you can handle-“ “the heat? I’m from Taiwan.” lmfao BITCH Taiwan has some of the blandest cuisine I’ve ever tasted (he does think it’s too spicy tho lol)

“Keelung. A fishing village just north of Taipei.” Okay like I can see how the older generation would call it that but it’s actually a whole ass city…

Episode 5

Not a Taiwan thing but the Maotai made me laugh. It’s like the Coca Cola of Chinese baijiu and imho it’s just as awful as every other brand

Episode 6

ok the episode that made me want to make this list

the Costco shit IS funny because vitamins, baby formula, that’s all the good stuff you want to bring back from abroad BUT actually we have Costco in Taiwan and can easily get a lot of that stuff? This concept imo would fit a lot better for China than Taiwan. It’s still very much a thing to load your suitcase up with baby formula on the way home to China, and there’s actually a huge smuggling business bringing it in through Hong Kong but I digress

Idk why I’m happy to hear Changhua and Douliu mentioned in an American TV show… Seriously, I don’t know. They’re kind of like nowhere places I’ve never even been. I just feel like everyone’s grandparents live there.

Even the way they film Mama Sun on the plane. Like the Mandarin music in the background with the announcement for Taoyuan airport… to me it feels specifically like a transpacific flight to Taiwan lolol but that’s definitely like a bias probably

Okay not to be SO nitpicky but so when she looks out the window on the plane to see Taipei 101 etc I’m not sure about that? The airport is actually in another city and I feel like I usually come in around and over the ocean or something?

But WOW the taxi scene my favorite scene it’s SO visceral and SO Taiwan… the street, the lights, the Cosmed/Mos Burger/7-Eleven, the street noises, like I can FEEL Taiwan through the screen and HER FACE taking it all in I WANT TO SOB

The temple, beautiful like this episode makes me believe Michelle Yeoh is Taiwanese lol

I appreciate the viscerality of the night market shots too but it seemed a bit empty

Okay so Mama Sun’s mom is super rich too based on where she lives which I guess it makes sense. But what I am curious about is the story about why they’re speaking Cantonese because Taiwan has a lot of languages but that’s not one of them like officially at all. I wonder if there’s a character backstory there or they just like. Didn’t want to bother teaching Michelle how to speak Minnan or something

The cemetery too is so fancy, I mean it fits but wow that’s expensive real estate

In the hospital scene, Taipei 101 is lit blue out the window, making it a Friday. Has everything in the show so far happened in only 8 days?

Episode 7

“Last night the Boxers made their move” 101 says it’s Tuesday for anyone keeping track

I LOST it at the Foodpanda driver assassin the first time I saw this… So Taiwan

Big fancy church in Taipei? I know they exist but I’ve never seen one in person (like 2%? of the country is Christian)

A mom bringing back tea as a souvenir from Taiwan? 100% real

Episode 8

RAW is a real restaurant in Taipei. It’s very fancy and very expensive and had I think two Michelin stars. I don’t know ANYONE who’s actually been there lol

[natalie-goodmn]

Next to Normal round 3 thoughts:

there’s a lot of things I noticed this time that I didn’t before but that’s just bc as a Natalie stan I must be looking at her the whole time

- I never noticed Gabe throwing Dan’s keys in Just Another Day before that’s SO funny

- I also finally saw Diana kiss Henry, she really WENT FOR IT

- is it just me or does the Wyndhams need to turn up their mics?? Maybe it’s just that I need it In My Ear Canal but I’ve noticed the singing is a bit quiet (I also didn’t notice this in Oklahoma)

- I love Gabe holding the microphones to Natalie and Dan during their I’m Alive dialogue. He might be a demon with the spirit of a dead two year old but he’s sooo silly :D

(this is getting long so more under the cut)

- something something Natalie playing her fake keyboard with the band’s piano behind her, something acting and pretending like she’s a normal person with a normal family

- I just realised that Gabe AND Natalie licks up Diana’s leg. Diversity win

- the parallels of Gabe and Diana reaching out to each other in Im Alive vs Natalie reaching down to her in Wish I Were Here (and maybe Catch Me I’m Falling) i feel sick,,,

- Gabe holding Diana in I Am the One like Henry’s holding Natalie, welcome back Freudian Gabe

- also the head kiss parallel with Gabe in Just Another Day and before he’s about to leave in I Dreamed a Dance

- the blood is so visceral but a part of me misses the bway staging too where they just walk off slowly and as dr madden talks abt Diana’s attempt. It’s basically the same thing but the reveal felt slower idk

- also man every time I miss the donmar staging of the one tiny bit where Dan’s going “Is this helping or? Di?” as Diana just walks off and back to the therapy chair. Idk it just felt like dissociation better to me, but I do like Ominous Circle Of Thinking

- I also love love love how they play the “I love you as much as I can” in this. They play it like a failed charm roll, and you really get everyone’s frustration and that she’s trying hard

- and then in Maybe when you see that Diana actually knows Natalie deeply bc she’s like her,,, hold on. Similarly, I love how the first person Natalie hugs in act two (I think?) is Diana instead of Henry. Me when the real story is between a mother and daughter (mamma Mia who)

- Diana rolling her eyes and mouthing ‘oh my fucking-‘ to Dan going “can you tell me what it is you’re afraid of” is maybe the best representation of anxiety and I’m not even kidding, MOOD Diana

- god I know it’s been in all the productions but I love how much agency Diana has, you rarely see it with mentally ill characters but she’s so funny and knows what she wants and I love her

- everyone’s said it, everyone knows it but JACK WOLFE god he’s amazing every time

- I’ve thought this both times, is it just me or when Gabe is silhouetted (I think with the music box) is his neck like inhumanly thin??? Like genuinely asking, I don’t think that’s Jack’s neck?? Is it?? Am I just misunderstanding human anatomy when someone wears a hoodie

- I’ve said it before but I Am the One reprise is one of the best scenes in musical theatre and it should end there. I’m a Light hater SORRY, I like the message a lot but it’s always felt like a studio note or something where they’ve been told that it has to be uplifting at the end or it’ll do badly and make everyone sad

- natalie,,, covering her ears and her big headphones. Autism. Also really love Eleanor’s portrayal of her anxiety. Instead of Jen’s anger, she has a hamster like anxiety quality to her (complimentary)

- also I swear I see no one talk about it WHEN GABE TOUCHED NATALIE’S HAND??? AND SHE NOTICES SOMETHING??? That’s new for this production right?? Theories???

- Natalie starting to tidy up Gabe’s toys,,, she’s breaking the cycle,, she’s the hope. And playing with them with Henry and showing him the bunny toy 😭

- I’ll say it. The “you’re like number one on my list of problems” doesn’t work that well if you don’t have Jen and Adam’s sarcasm. Too earnest. Banned.

- I’ve said a lot abt this Henry but I actually like this act 2! He plays him v desperate and anxious which I don’t think Adam does, it shows the stakes for act two. Also his arc UGH. From being a Dan parallel where he’s saying he’ll be perfect for her and that he wants who he knew and that he’ll stay anyway because he made a promise to,,, the dance and saying that he’ll stay bc he loves her and he doesn’t care if she goes crazy

- Also I think Natalie mouths ‘help me’ as she stops Henry from walking off in A Promise owwww

- also Henry apologising to the pianist after the recital (I think?) and picking up Natalie’s bag from the club 😭

[corviiids]

back in your asks unfortunately you can’t get rid of me. i’m going to keep enablign you.

you bringing up the kr version of hurricane and the martyr complex light has in it is great bc what fascinates me about hurricane as a song is how radically different it is in different languages? as we all know in the manga light has this horrible visceral reaction to what he’s done. he looks like he’s gonna be sick when he has that guy hit by a truck. when ryuk turns up he admits that he’s been losing weight and barely sleeping. but the musicals differ so massively in how light is portrayed? because in english light seems to have this very strong sense of justice from the start - in where is the justice he denounces the corporations corrupting the legal system and asks “how can we turn away and say that’s just the way things are?” and then in hurricane he hardly seems upset at all by what he’s done. he seems vaguely surprised at how easy it was and then turns around and sings about how he’s got this insanely strong, perfect, untraceable power that he’s going to use to deliver righteous retribution. BUT then the jp versions of witj and hurricane are much less certain and light seems more horrified and then hopeful. the focus is on creating a perfect world, not necessarily punishment. he’s more a glass half full kinda guy. and then it changes AGAIN in the kr. it’s so fascinating he is a completely different version of himself in all three versions and i just need to ask. what are your opinions on this. am i making this up. do you understand how my brain is firing

you are NOT making this up and i DO understand how your brain is firing. listen. listen. in that same post about light/achilles (intertextual comparison not ship) (although?) and prompted by a response from someone else cool i reposted these tweets (which you have literally just seen because i shoved them at you but ill post them again so everyone can see)

to me it is like, very key that every iteration of light yagami SEEMS really different. in their behaviour, their values, what it takes to push them to acting and how they react, etc - obv you've brought up light as he appears in the three most well known languages the musical exists in, but i also am a huge fan of comparing his animanga self (already two different iterations to an extent) with the tv drama, which has maybe the most distinctive version of light out of all of them and which i BELIEVE? drew criticism? but i am not 100% because i was not here for this because i watched death note for the first time in fucking february. because i am hip with the kids. #rad

anyway this is part of a much larger ramble of mine that i am not really doing justice here but i actually really like that that version of light is so incredibly different - and yet he really isnt, somehow, because he ends up not only at the same ending but recognisable as the same person. that's what i think is so interesting! these differences are undeniably there and they're BIG - as you said, between musicals he ranges from being a vengeful guy on a power trip to being an idealist with a martyr complex, and you'd think those are two totally different sets of core values. between animanga vs tv drama he goes from being this cool and collected hyper prepared cynical idealist to being a depressed nihilist who's working extremely hard to shed his own ability so he doesn't have to deal with the pain of caring. again, these seem, and factually are, completely different sets of values.

and yet they're actually perfectly reconcilable. every iteration of light no matter how distinct and no matter how much their core values seem to oppose or contradict each other ends up reconciling into the same guy partway through the story, where all of these different directions he's been going in all converge. his priorities even out - regardless of if it was the power trip that came first or the desire for the perfect world, they balance ultimately and coexist. regardless of whether his idealism led him to bitter radicalisation or nihilism, they also balance ultimately and coexist. is light affected by his first murder? yes - how does it show it? that differs, but none of the lights are actually deluded enough to think that murder is good. they all think it's bad but defensible and justifiable and then visibly cope with that fact in different ways. light looks like a VERY different man depending on which of his values are being pushed to the fore in a given interpretation, but all that really does is serve to spell out exactly how complex he is internally once you watch them all converge at around similar points in the story, even when at the barest and most uncharitable interpretation he just looks like a maniacal serial killer with a delusional god complex. this is why i like him so much unfortunately

also none of this applies to netflix light who is irreconcilable and irredeemable. and white

[hoodlessmads]

Dark Heir spoiler thoughts:

Okay some of these are criticisms but please understand I really liked it! I liked it even more than Dark Rise. I’m just an overdramatic person and need to yell sometimes.

These don’t have any particular order, I’m just freestyling -

Reading Captive Prince years ago (and rereading since) before reading Dark Rise made me have an unfair resentment towards James for being basically the same character as Laurent but not as good and that continued here

Will is the second best character Pacat has ever made after Laurent and book 3 might push him ahead

I loved seeing Will use more and more of his evil powers

The best one being where he possesses anyone with a brand and his eyes turn black and he turns into Legion (maybe shoulda turned that off before trying to appeal to Violet…)

Finding out his mom actually was tying him to bedposts and beating him this whole time somehow shocked me because for some silly reason I believed one of the most unreliable third person subjective narrators ever, Will, that she was a nice lady just doing her best. Anyway I love this revelation because it makes such perfect sense, it’s just, “Oh. Of course.”

Violet and Cyprian are both himbos yet Violet is somehow the only character with a single brain cell left at the end of the book

Cyprian drinking from the cup makes no sense after they had a whole discussion in the first book about how drinking from the cup put the Stewards into the Dark King’s plans and made them his thralls and was the entire reason they died, a massacre which Cyprian experienced viscerally, and then he goes and drinks from the cup anyway and oops surprise Will can in fact enthrall him. Cyprian is able to fight it off but that doesn’t change the complete recklessness and out-of-character-ness of it to me.

Violet/Cyrprian is a good ship

Phillip/Visander is hilarious (in a good way)

Will/James is fine but I wish I was more compelled by them than I actually am. For being the main couple, I don’t feel like their relationship has been given the room it needed to develop organically and instead it feels like we’re falling back on physical attraction and a vague shadow of a past relationship in the old world that we didn’t get to see. It’s hard not to compare to Damen/Laurent which by contrast was developed so painstakingly.

Elizabeth is incredible

Visander sucks, actually

The whole Light kind of sucks. The Stewards, the Sun Kingdom, they were all assholes

People with black-and-white morality are truly terrible, aren’t they? And pretty much everyone is like that except for Will, James, and Violet

Sometimes I felt like that fact was really being hammered in on purpose almost as though to make James murdering like 300 people seem less bad (but it didn’t….)

But I don’t dislike James because he murdered 300 people, I actually love villains and I especially am attached to the idea of everyone being redeemable. But what I don’t like is the book telling me I should like James without giving me a good reason or the book downplaying his actions to make him seem more sympathetic. He can have murdered all the Stewards and still be compelling, we don’t need to diminish what he’s done in order for him to be likable

Also everyone in this book except like, Will and maybe Violet and James is an idiot (and I’ll excuse Elizabeth for only being ten). Someone send these characters to Psych 101, they don’t seem to understand the concept of a self-fulfilling prophecy…

Like obviously if you tell someone they’re evil over and over again for their whole lifetime they will become evil

Theory - I don’t think Violet will turn on Will. I think she’s just shell-shocked. She wasn’t really given a chance to take a stance before James Peter Panned him away. Violet knows exactly what it feels like to be told you are evil because of some past thing, and she knows Will better than any of the other characters. And she knows that morality is not black and white (Tom is her brother). She’ll definitely end up in Will’s corner by the end.

Theory - The line of the Lady and the line of the Dark King are the same bloodline and they split off later. Sarcean’s “cataclysmic night together” with the Lady was mentioned not once but twice. Pacat doesn’t waste lines. The child that the Lady had was Sarcean’s, or at least one of them.

Will better figure out how to destroy that collar quick…before they both get even more traumatized. I think that will be one of his main goals in book 3. Or I hope…otherwise it will be hard to develop the genuine romance

I sure hope Will can also figure out how to expel that shadow from Cyprian before he like… dies. Don’t do that to Violet D:

So, I’m not a huge fan of YA in general (outside of YA anime and manga which for some reason hits different). I used to like it a lot, it used to be most of what I read. I grew up reading series like Redwall, Darren Shan, Demonata, Pendragon, and so on. But I’ve grown out of the genre (I’m 27). Not every adult does - one of my best friends who is a year older than me still really enjoys YA. But because I don’t like YA, I think my enjoyment of Dark Rise/Dark Heir is influenced and my criticisms may be unfair.

But I find that with fantasy series like this, I the books really need to be longer. Or there needs to be more of them. I feel like Dark Rise has so many moving pieces, enough characters that there could be a trading card game (and there are literally collectible cards), so many different magical artifacts and magical powers, an entire magical old world beneath the semi-magical 1820s Europe world to develop, and also by the way a whole story that took place 10,000 years ago that has to be told at some point. I find myself feeling like all these different elements are being introduced and moved on from too fast and I wish they were all given more time to breathe. I think that’s part of why the relationship between Will and James feels a bit rushed to me. I don’t know if the short length of the series was Pacat’s choice or an editor’s, though. I don’t feel like Captive Prince had this issue because there were no supernatural elements, the cast was much smaller, and the plot was comparably simple so a lot of it got to be characters just talking to each other, which was great, and the world building was accomplished mainly through these interactions. The plot and world of Dark Rise is much larger in scope but the page count is the same (a little longer maybe).

So wait who is Mrs. Duval

Why did Ettore leave the Stewards anyway? Other than the obvious, which is that they suck

Where was Grace during the whole ending scene? Wasn’t she there but just not saying anything. As this total calamity befalls her only remaining friend group she finally has seen too much and just nopes out and is busy making tea in the corner or maybe popcorn

I do really like Cyprian btw in spite of thinking his moral code is shitty. Gave Violet a chance but sold Will for one corn chip… I see how it is (okay that’s not fair but you know what I mean, he has flaws)

It sounds like I’m in the majority when I say that I still don’t like Devon - I saw that theory about him being the final big bad and I’m so on that train. I think he’d make a good enough final villain. I agree there is something predatory about him and Tom. I don’t necessarily think Pacat wants us to root for them as a couple, though. There were better ways to pull that off if that was the intent.

Not to repeat myself but Phillip was such a pleasant surprise. Like who is this fruit and how did he get here

So next book, I hope (assume) we get to see the rest of the old world story filled in so we can understand where it all went wrong for Sarcean and also the exact nature of his relationship with Anharion because so far it’s been quite vague (intentionally I assume). Like….. you know….. did he agree to put on the collar?

The tricky thing about this series is that once the reader learns that Will is the Dark King, it’s hard to maintain any sort of external tension. Right? It’s hard to feel afraid of the forces of the Dark when the protagonist has total effortless control over them just by virtue of who he is. Will can literally just be like, “No, don’t” and everything’s fine. He did just this at the end of Dark Rise. I find the way Dark Heir seems to end with their “only hope of stopping the Dark army” destroyed to be pretty unconvincing. Why on earth would Sarcean create a destructible object that is the only way of controlling his own army? Of course Will should be able to control them with his will alone. If he can control Shadow Kings and make them die with his words alone, why didn’t he try yelling at the shadow army to stop trying to possess people? This doesn’t make sense to me. And if people become Returners through his magic, shouldn’t he be able to exert some control over their existence the way he does with the branded? Pacat has done a good enough job at getting us to know Sarcean (an extremely good job btw) so as to make the destroyed brand plot point unbelievable. Anyway…

Instead, the tension in Dark Heir is almost entirely internal or realized in character relationships rather than physical threats. The tension is between Will and himself, and between Will and his friends. (There are tensions between other characters but focusing on the main plot here.) The possibility that they might find out and abandon him, and the possibility that he might actually be as nasty of a guy as Sarcean was, the slim chance that he might learn something that makes him go, “You know what, I agree with my past self after all.”

Now that everyone has found out who he is, that particular source of tension has sort of evaporated, so now in book 3 Pacat has to find a way to make Will’s conflict with himself and his friends compelling enough to carry us through 450 pages (I don’t expect this will be difficult). What I see as the problems now are 1) what was Sarcean actually planning and how did he plan on getting Will (himself) to fall in line with them (this was a question in Dark Heir as well but now it’s bigger), 2) how is Will going to destroy his own (Sarcean’s) Dark artifacts so he can free James, and 3) Can he convince anyone to ever love him (oh no ouch).

If I had to rank these books at this stage I’d probably give Rise a 3.7 ish…. and Heir a 4.2. I’m holding out for Dark King to be a 5 or close. (I don’t know what the actual title will be, I’m just guessing lol.) I definitely think Dark Heir is an improvement over Dark Rise since I always thought the most interesting part of the latter by far was everything that happened once Will learns he is the Dark King at the very end.

“Are we going to talk about the magic pseudo-sex scene—“ No and I hope we never will

[versegm]

The wind prowls around her, an hungry beast on the lookout for the slightest hint of a weakness. Outside the cave, all she can see is a sea of white, snow, snow, and even more snow panning as far as the eye can see.

Still, despite the harsh winter, Rin finds that she is not cold, and that is what makes her realize that she is dreaming.

She looks around her. There are a few people in the cave with her. A girl with a shield. A man with a golden mask. A dog in human clothes. They’re all sleeping right now, huddled together for warmth.

A single person stands watch near the fire, their back turned to her.

Rin has a theory as to why this dream is so weirdly lucid. And that theory is very simple to verify.

She gets up and walks up to the watch. This is a dream; she’s a projection inside a lived past. She has no fear of being seen-

The watch startles when she steps near the fire. “Ishtar?!”

Rin startles as well. She did not expect that. Berserker- for that is Berserker, if younger and less fucked up- is staring straight at her, eye wide. “Ah- yes?”

Immediately, their face fall. She doesn’t remember if she has ever seen them looking so crestfallen. It is deeply uncanny. “Ah… I’m sorry. You look like good friends of mine. I thought… I miss them a lot, is all.”

Gears turn in her head. There is a lot of information in that single sentence.

“By all means, sit down with me.” Berserker (for lack of a better name, though she believes they are human right now) “I didn’t expect to see any other human in this Lostbelt. How did you get here?”

Rin sits down. “Rosutu Beruto?” She likes to think herself well-educated on all matters of magic, but this one rings hollow to her. If she rakes her brain, she vaguely remembers something from the research on second magic- but she doubts there was more than passing mention of these.

Berserker frowns. They look at her up, then down, then up again. Then their face- lightens? Softens? Neither of these seem right. Their face relaxes, but it doesn’t seem happy. They just look very, very tired.

“I got it. You are dreaming.” They look down at their own hands, flexing their fingers. “And I’m dozing off. So much for taking the first watch.”

So it is a memory she’s seeing- a dream and a memory at once. Time is not a linear thing, you understand.

“I need to wake up.” They get up on their feet. Their movements are oddly slow. They’re hurt, she realizes. “Sorry for dragging you into my dreams. I’m more used to being the one dragged in other’s dreams, frankly.”

“Hey, wait!” She reaches up to grab their pants legs. This is the most sense she has ever heard Berserker making. This is her one shot at getting actual information. “I need to talk to you!”

They look down at her. They give her a smile, but it doesn’t reach their eyes. They look like they have not slept in years. If all their dreams are this vivid, then it might be actually be the case. “Sorry. I need to wake up. We need to move, and figure out what’s going on, and save humanity, and not die, and find a way home.”

They pause. They don’t look like a legendary hero. They don’t look like a warrior at all. Here, right now, under the flickering light of the campfire- they look like a human. An ordinary, everyday human.

“I just want to go home.” They say, with a small, pathetic voice. “For the love of God, please let me go home.”

They step in the campfire, and-

Rin wakes up in her bed, staring at the ceiling.

She stays like this for what seems to be an eternity. Eventually though, her thoughts are broken by shuffling, then footsteps.

“Berserker?”

The footsteps stop.

“Sorry, did I wake you? I’m not sleepy anymore. I’m gonna lounge downstairs.”

“Berserker,” Rin sits up on her elbows. In the dark, she can’t see their face well. She could bet they’re smiling, though. They’re always smiling. “Where is your home?”

Berserker tilts their head to the side. “Home is where the heart is. Is it not how the saying goes?”

Her gaze falls onto their chest. The memory of their bare viscera against her fingers is still vivid.

I just want to go home. That plea had been so genuine, so desperate. For the love of God, please let me go home.

She had never asked, and therefore Berserker had never answered. But Rin knows now. She knows Berserker's wish for the Holy Grail.

[unhappy-day-in-hell]

The Dissection of Hazbin Hotel, Episode One: part 2

We got through the opening monologue and here we are in the show proper. Now, we finally get into the episode itself and explore the boring middle. Everyone ready?

CW: This part will briefly touch on Angel Dust's SA.

Part 1:

Part 2: //

Part 3:

Part 4:

--Aaaa ew there it is. This is the first bit of real animation we get from the show, when Charlie lifts up the key.

Somehow, just this one little motion looks awful. As the key moves with Charlie’s hand, it doesn’t look like it’s physically in the world with her.

The animation department was fucked over so badly. It really, really shows.

--Lilith has been missing for 7 years.

Because of course she has. We can’t make the twists with her character TOO subtle!

This is really just trying to make us feel bad for Charlie, but Charlie and Vaggie’s voices sound so lifeless and disinterested that it elicits no emotion from me. (If I was a new watcher, it probably wouldn’t elicit any emotion from me if anyway, since we’ve JUST met Charlie and we haven’t gotten to know her yet; we have no attachment to her and thus can’t immediately care about her Sad Backstory. Missing Mom is a stock sad backstory anyway. We also don’t care about Lilith enough yet, because she was only a vague figure in a fairytale, we don’t actually KNOW her; in fact they even neglected to tell us what her dream was, or what she actually did in Hell, so we don't even have a vague idea to see her as a GOOD figure. And, if her empowering demons IS the reason for demonkind being so terrible, she may be a terrible person. So her missing status means nothing to us.)

--Soooooo……. The extermination just happened, but we’re not going to see any of its aftermath up close? We’re not going to look at the streets of Hell to see the carnage, or the damage? We’re just getting some overhead shots of the city smoking? Okay.

In the pilot, we had a long sequence where we saw the carnage and destruction the exterminators left behind. It was so much more impactful.

But we’re not doing that here. We’re staying up in this cozy penthouse just looking down at a still image of the city. Which means we’re not going to learn about the world at all. No establishing shots, no interesting or visceral imagery to get under our skin and make us FEEL for the sinners. This is very bad storytelling.

Also: If I didn’t know what the exterminations were like from the pilot, I might not even realize the smoke and fire coming off of the city was meant to be DAMAGE – I might just assume Hell was Just Like That.

Terrible job everyone. Terrible opening sequence.

--Vaggie: I enjoy your theatrics.

But Charlie didn’t do anything…

She didn’t even get to light the fireworks like she did in the pilot, which were the signal that the extermination was over and the sinners could come out.

--We go from the opening lore dump… to even more lore dumping!! Yay!!

This is so boring. It’s boring composition and boring animation and boring dialogue with actors who sound sleepy.

Vaggie and Charlie are sitting in a room talking. They’re not even doing anything interesting to look at. This is telling and not showing.

They mention their love for the kingdom, but again, we don’t have any scenes showing the streets, the deceased, and the normal citizens, which might make the AUDIENCE care about it. As of now, the audience doesn’t care because we aren't seeing anything. Throughout the opening fairytale and up to now, we haven’t learned a single thing about how this version of Hell functions. (And we don’t learn that through the entire episode.)

--This dialogue is also so stilted. “I just hope what I’m trying to do here will work.”

Can you have any personality in your lines at all? In the pilot, Charlie says “I don’t know if I’m going to make a difference, I don’t know what I’m doing”, which is just a bit more personal for her; she wants to MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

In the pilot, Charlie’s voice was so much more energetic, and sounded optimistic. Here, yeah she’s SAD and obviously being sad will make her sound softer, but pilot Charlie had a bright, optimistic tone that showed her optimism was unshakable.

--Alastor’s commercial. He really shouldn’t be making this. He’s the radio demon. The conflict is that he doesn’t want to make a TV ad, but was forced into it. This is a dumb conflict. Alastor would never do something he didn’t want to.

Afterwards, the B Plot of the episode will have Vaggie filming a commercial (a second commercial to be better than Alastor’s), and eventually she’ll coerce Alastor into helping her film it. So THAT MEANS Alastor’s first commercial was entirely pointless! Why not streamline this entire B plot? Skip Alastor’s first commercial; the gang gather together and discuss ideas for a commercial; Al is against it, Charlie has too many grand ideas, Vaggie is down to Earth, and Angel offers himself as an actor; then Charlie gets called away, so she gives the responsibility to Vaggie; Vaggie struggles but then Al steps in to help because he knows an empty Hotel will be boring; he then uses his radio powers to create broadcast an advertisement through the airwaves.

Alastor’s voice is also so tame now too. I dislike it heavily. Every line lacks the insane edge it had in the pilot and the radio filter is toned down.

They massacred my fave.

Raggle Fraggle.

--Alastor should never say “daddy issues.” That’s just way too modern. ALSO NOT REALLY? It’s not daddy issues?? If anything, Charlie has talked much more about Lilith in this version, saying it’s her mom’s dream. Daddy Lucy has nothing to do with this. Get your words right, you stupid script.

--The animation is just really bad, especially the part with the rafter falling down from the ceiling.

Also wasn’t it Alastor’s job to use his magic to clean this place up? He did a horrible job.

--Uh huh. We’re continuing the trend of nothing being explained. How the Hotel came to be, and how the crew was amassed, is not going to be explained at all.

We’re dropped in here blind with it already having happened.

It’s true you can’t just recreate the pilot for episode 1, but this is the worst way they could have possibly reintroduced the world.

If you didn’t watch the pilot, then you’d have NO idea what was going on in this place.

--Alastor: So, what do you think?

When I first heard this line it made me sad.

When I hear this line now, it makes me sad.

--Vaggie: I’m sorry, what the fuck was that?

There it is, the unfunny Fuck word being used like a joke.

Pro-tip: just saying the word Fuck does not make a joke. We as humans grow out of this when we stop being high schoolers.

--Why does Alastor look mad when Charlie says the tone of the advertisement is “a bit off?” Nothing should be able to shake him. If anything, he should revel in their discomfort (he reveled in their discomfort in the pilot.) In the pilot, he probably would have made the advertisement like this INTENTIONALLY just to get a reaction out of them and to see them squirm. Here he acts like he wanted them to like it and is upset they don’t.

It makes him look pouty. And making him pouty makes him look weaker.

The heck’s up with this shot? What a weird angle.  

--Alastor hasn’t been active in Hell for some time, huh? It’s because he was hired by Rosie, who is Lilith, who went missing 7 years ago. Viv can’t keep a plot twist secret.

Also, the animation for Alastor when he says he hasn’t been active in some time is weird. It… I wanna say feels kind of noodley? It has a different quality from the rest of the animation.

--Alastor: So I had a little fun with it.

That was a good shot of him passing his microphone from one hand to the next. It’s a second long but I’ll give them that. Maybe Al will get the few scraps of anything decent that come out of this. (Probably not. The leaks say otherwise.)

--Vaggie: well this is NOT what we want to represent us. …. Instead you’re MOCKING us.

These words are oddly stilted again. It’s like when characters speak like they know too much therapy language, when they really shouldn’t.

--Oh Angel. There he is.

….After Viv blew the budget on hiring expensive voice actors, I think all the remaining shoestring budget went into animating him, because he’s way more fluid than the others.

………….Because of course more attention is given to Angel (male) than to Charlie, the actual main (female) character.

--Angel wants to have a porno where he’s sleeping with Alastor. Alastor replies: “Haha. Never going to happen.”

This line lacks any of the manic energy that Alastor had in the pilot – there, when Angel said “I can suck your dick!” Alastor had a short moment where he was shocked, but then he replied with an energetic “HAH! No!” where he still sounded like he was having fun. In Episode One, Alastor sounds tired and annoyed, which takes away his feeling of power. He’s supposed to be this big Overlord; if he had actually laughed heartily and said “~HA HA HA HA! NEVER going to happen, my dear fellow!!~” with oomph, it’d be more in line with how in control he is of everything – but he’s not. He’s whiny. He’s weaker.

This moment shows that OTHER CHARACTERS have the ability to get under his skin when nothing should be able to get under his skin. He's the one who makes everyone else's skin crawl and loves it.

--“This body was MADE to be exploited!”

Alright, show, I’m going to stop you right there.

There's too much to unpack here. People better qualified than me already have.

So let’s begin by saying: Angel being sexual is not the problem. Using sexuality as a coping mechanism is not the problem. However, this crosses the line right from the start.

Angel is the victim of SA, which this has given him trauma. Remember Addict, one of the highest points in Vivzie’s career? Addict showed how BAD he feels by his exploitation; it actually took his situation seriously. At the end of Addict, Angel had frank lyrics where he finally admitted to himself that he was addicted and helpless, and was reluctant but willing to try for something better by staying in the Hotel. Everything Hazbin-related leading up to the show was Angel wanting to ESCAPE his sex-trafficked life.

So for Angel to joke about his body being made to be exploited… Just… How could you possibly think it’s okay? There is no tact here. There is no plausible deniability because of Angel’s history with SA; he’s saying his body is made to be SA’d.

If Angel had replied something like:

Charlie: I don’t want to exploit you in that way!

Angel: Aww, dame! I wanna help ya out, and this is just what I’m good at!

It wouldn’t be so heinous.

Or Angel could be shown to be a little socially intelligent about how Hell works:

Charlie: I don’t want to exploit you in that way!

Angel: But dame! Dame, ya gotta listen. This might be a squeaky clean joint for prudes, but Hell’s full of sexy, sex-loving freaks! And I’M the most famous sex-loving star is all of Hell! If you put me on your advertisements, you’ve got a GUARANTEED audience, and boy is it a massive audience! Your Hotel’ll make it to ALL those sinful, lusty sexlords who get off to me! I mean, you’re the one tryinna redeem ‘em, don’t you think some of THEM might be interested?

(I do kind of like that now that I’ve written that down; at least in that version, Angel actually has something going on in his brain. And Charlie can either concede and be like “yyyyyeah… I guess… you’re right…” or she can go “no Angel you left that life and I won’t be an accomplish making you go through that anymore.” Or something. SHOW SOME FUCKING CHARACTER.)  

There isn’t even anything to joke about with the line as it is. It’s just… thoughtless.

(And... from episode 4... God. It's sickening. This is just a taste of how BAD it is going to get.)

--Angel’s joke about his body parts goes on way too long. The joke overstays its welcome.

--Why is Angel drawn with pink lines on half of his body while all the other characters have full black lines???

--“Oh Trust Me, I can!” Man… it was a glimmer like this shot that makes me miss what Alastor used to be. It’s actually kind of fluid, and it’s like seeing a tiny bit of what the character could have been. But it still, again, completely lacks the raw DANGER and unhinged-ness the originala brought to the show.

--Oh Husk. Oh, Husk, no. Your voice. Oh Husk. They fucked you up. Where’s the exhaustion, where’s the jadedness? You don’t sound burnt-out and hollow (like a HUSK) like you’re supposed to. Good lord.

Also… “Why do you think I’m here? You think I’d be cleaning bottles and listening to you fucks whining if he wasn’t forcing me?” So much telling and not a single ounce of showing.

--Nifty: I like being forced.

………… A little too close to Angel Dust's thing to be saying that, Nifty.

--THIS IS TOO MANY CHARACTERS ALL AT ONCE. This is a huge overload of information. How is a newcomer to the series supposed to register and remember all these guys? (We haven’t even gotten to Adam and Lute yet, meaning even more are on the way.)

Husk and Nifty don’t even do anything in the episode. They don’t need to be here.

--Apparently, Angel has a habit of harassing Husk. I’m worried. Listen: sexually harassing anyone is not okay and it’s not funny. In the pilot, Husk showed disinterest in Angel’s flirting, but nothing super outright or angry – here, he sounds angry. He sounds serious. He doesn’t want to be flirted with. But Angel doesn’t stop. This is not okay.

Why doesn’t Angel understand consent if his entire character arc is about SA and escaping exploitation. Of ANY character, he should have some modicum of self-awareness about this. At the least, they needed to dial back his lines. He’s already gone too far, as we’ve mentioned.

(...From the rest of the episodes, and the leaks, god it gets so much worse.)

--Vaggie: We can’t force sinners to stay here. They have to choose to.

Wow, can you sound ANY deader, Vaggie. This line is miserable.

--Angel thinks the hotel’s idea is stupid. So… why is Angel having this conversation with VAGGIE? This is Charlie’s show! This is Charlie’s dream! This is Charlie’s endeavor, the thing SHE believes in! Charlie is the main character; she is the one who is fighting for redemption!

Why isn’t it Angel and Charlie having this conversation, so Charlie has to defend her stance and Angel can challenge her, and it’ll be our first sign of Charlie facing opposition?

As it is, Vaggie doesn’t even sound convicted in their idea. Her voice is just fucking dead. And Angel cares nothing for the Hotel as stated, so he doesn’t bring any life into this discussion. Charlie is NEEDED in these scenes to bring energy to it.

It's because Charlie isn’t the main character. Viv doesn’t like female characters. She’s the main character in-name only. The male ones like Angel, Alastor, etc, are the ones that are the focus. This becomes more apparent with further episodes too.

--Angel: Crack is expensive.

Angel just coming out and saying that to Vaggie, when like, being off drugs was one of the conditions to staying in the hotel. He says he wants keep staying at the hotel rent-free, he should be hiding that he’s doing it so they don’t cut him from the program and tell him to get lost.

----------

So that was our first look at the show proper. I think that’s a good place to pause, because now, we’re coming into the worst part of the episode, where this train wreck just fucking falls over the edge of a cliff. It will have my most intense thoughts, and explain how Hazbin destroys itself before it can even begin!

Stay tuned!

[geese-villain]

so. doctor who thoughts? doctor who thoughts.

I was leak-spoilered against my will, at least super vaguely, and I gotta say I was worried. Because I am a sucker for traumatic painful catharsis. For sobbing and not feeling okay. For having to sacrifice something I love for the story to go on. And I was worried it would be too meta or too obviously based on out-of-universe/out-of-story decisions and pull me out of the story.

but I have to say despite going into it a little bit apprehensively I came out of it wholeheartedly having enjoyed it. It was really really well executed. It was fun! I teared up, I giggled, I was scared and tense. Despite having been spoilered I believed and felt the intensity of the moment where fourteen gets hit by that beam, David’s performance dragged me with it into this moment hitting despite knowing it likely wouldn’t last. His confusion and realization hit. And Fifteen comforting him like that? Unmade me. I’m here now. It’s okay.

I really think there’s a lot to what I’ve seen others write about: With RTD’s life experiences his interest in and perspectives on the kinds of stories he wants to tell might have shifted. Nine and Ten explored trauma and repression and always running and the myriad of “I’m fines” in such visceral ways. Now, throughout the specials, we got Donna calling it out over and over again. Trying to reach him, trying to make him stop. Fourteen, already much softer and more expressive, still running, and yet more glimpses of confronting the weight of it all and what that means for him. And now, this. Healing, as a central theme, this explicitly.

I’m still unsure about the actual bigeneration mechanics and I wonder if (and hope) it’s going to be explained more. Does Fifteen have all the memories of Fourteen healing and resting and retiring and that’s the reason why he’s so integrated and carefree and light now? Is it basically a “preemptive regeneration” so the Doctor can keep on chugging along and saving the world? Did the Doctor split off the regeneration that was suffering the worst under the trauma (subtitles post bigeneration referring to Tennant!Doctor as Ten?) And basically excised the pain as a separate regeneration who gets to retire now?

I’m not sure what I actually want here. I’m trying not to want anything, because I want to like this story and continue liking it and knowing myself the best way to get there is to trust that it will take me somewhere and go with the flow.

I have to say though, I am still. Very much. A sucker for trauma and pain and whump, so there is a slight worry that Fifteen will not feel like a continuation of that post-time-war NuWho legacy that I latched onto with the show, as someone who doesn’t really know ClassicWho. But I also love love love Ncuti and his energy and charm and presence I could see in this episode so maybe it’s time to rearrange my expectations for where this will go and open myself up to falling in love with a very different kind of character. Who knows what will happen. Who knows how this character will look back onto and relate to the memories and experiences he has integrated and healed from. I mean that’s the thing about trauma, it never truly gets to the point of “as if it never happened”, it changes you and the healing from it does just as well. I’m sure RTD knows that, I hope it will be acknowledged and addressed, but even if it isn’t I think I’m open to see where it goes right now.

Because even if NuNuWho stops satisfying my doctor-specific hunger for whump and associated hurt(/comfort), with the slate of queer talent in front of and behind the camera and the commitment to be political RTD has already shown (even if he’s fumbling in slightly strange ways here and there) it might just start feeding a very different kind of hunger. NCUTI SAVE ME NCUTI. well.

[allthoselostthoughts]

It’s odd being around people with good mental health. Like when you’re doing a puzzle and realize the pieces you thought fit actually have a little space around the edges and you suddenly don’t know where they go. And all your instability is leaking through the seams. So you push it down and your throat feels like when you dry swallow your handful of pills each morning. Or at least how it used to feel when it was difficult, all the mental illnesses literally hard to swallow like a bad metaphor. Now though, it’s easy. You’re used to it. The hard part is what to do with that handful of pills.

I have a one track mind frequently clotheslined by anxiety and ADHD. I never remember to take my pills and usually toss them back once I get to class when it suddenly hits me. The first week of class, I threw back a handful like it was candy and my classmates were shocked by my nonchalance. But it never even crossed my mind.

These moments are when I feel the furthest from normal, the most ‘crazy’. Like I just woke up disoriented and unable to separate the dream from reality. Or looking down to realize you’re bleeding from a wound you never saw, so used to the pain. It’s that feeling of almost, so close, yet never exactly right.

And I cope with humor, always. Joking that I’m broken and unstable and have my therapist on speed dial. ‘You have to laugh or you’ll cry’ has always been my motto. But if you look close enough, you can see the cracks, the flatness in my eyes, blood sluggishly pooling around open wounds. Others make jokes, about me, about mental health in general. But it feels different. It is different.

My words are heavy with knowing but theirs are light with the brightness of ignorance. An ignorance that makes it hard not to flinch when they err on the side of dismissive or even accusatory.

Those of us weighed down huddle together as if strength in numbers will dissuade the predator of our own mind. Yet some have never been hunted, never been prey. And there’s no way to explain that visceral taste of fear on your tongue. How you expect thunderstorms and rain regardless of the sun on your face and lack of clouds in the sky. It’s hard to forgive them for being whole when I’ve only ever been broken.

I still haven’t quite figured out how. They comment on the brightness of the sun, the calmness of the day and I look for predators and wait for rain. Their attempts at reassurance make me bite my tongue until I taste blood. I can’t blame them for daring to be whole. But as blood leaks from the corners of my lips I hope that they can see it. Because I didn’t even realize I was bleeding. Not until the blood dripped sluggishly down my chin.

[lord-vermin]

I keep seeing this sorta stuff around and honestly it’s really interesting to me as someone who’s a big horror nerd in the boring wordy essay kinda way because I think that’s interesting about cosy horror in particular is that sorta clashing of how tf can horror be cosy? But, like, I get it. It works imo.

I personally do like cosy horror when it’s done well - mostly bc I’m in the ball park that horror doesn’t have to be visceral. I think fran bow, The path and dark wood are great examples of what could fall under cosy horror. But honestly I think that’s mostly just as they fall under the dark fairy tales catagory - anything with wretched little girls will always have a soft spot in my heart tbh

I think cosy horror is at a weird spot as a genre bc it feels like a catch all for Dark fairytales, cookie clicker/farm sims with horror undertones & folkhorror but I am kinda intrigued to see if it could actually make itself work as a genre.

I don’t think it’s against horror as a genre to want to enjoy it without feeling petrified. I think that’s why slashers are so popular - it’s the predictability that provides comfort & I feel that cosy horror sorta keeps in line with that.

Anyway have some recs that I sorta feel fall into cosy horror

Alice 1988 - film - surrealist take on alice in wonderland with stop motion taxidermy and some crazy imagery.

Fran bow - 2015 - game - Whimsical dark fairy tale following a little girls escape from a psychiatric facility. The lore from this game is spectacular & I highly recommend Miss Fortune as well by the same team if you like crying

Darkwood- 2014 - game - dark polish fairytale apocalypse, the line where body horror and botany meet, very akin annihilation. The designs in this game are to die for. It’s a resource collect by day, survive the night game but it’s not too costly if you fail.

Haunting of Hill house (Tv series & book, but I’ll be focusing on the book here)

There’s a family, they’re a bit fucked up. There’s a house, it’s a bit fucked up. A classic.

“Hill House itself, not sane, stood against its hills, holding darkness within; it had stood so for eighty years and might stand for eighty more. Within, its walls continued upright, bricks met neatly, floors were firm, and doors were sensibly shut; silence lay steadily against the wood and stone of Hill House, and whatever walked there, walked alone.”

The yellow wallpaper, book , an easy read

Remember how as a kid you’d find faces and silhouettes in patterns & objects. Or how you’d play that game of the parkour man who could always perfectly keep up with the car as it drove. Yeah this is that turned to 100.

“There are things in that paper which nobody knows but me, or ever will. Behind that outside pattern the dim shapes get clearer every day. It is always the same shape, only very numerous. And it is like a woman stooping down and creeping about behind that pattern.”

Dredge 2023 game

In my opinion dredge is a fishing game first and anything else second. In terms of horror it’s very light on it - it’s falls more into the lovecraft inspired mystery genre to me but it has its creepy moments. It’s less in your face horror and more the subtle eerie setting. But it’s very cute - you get a little fishing boat and you just pull fucked up stuff out of the sea.

[lowcountry-gothic]

After a couple of days processing Path of Vengeance, here are a few conclusions I’ve drawn from Phase II as a whole. If this is all we’re going to get of the Nihil’s backstory (and it may not be; Yoda’s return at the end of Midnight Horizon suggests he’s found some answers on his quest with Elder Tromak and that we might get to hear some of them), then I actually find the story of the Nameless pretty satisfying in how few answers it actually gives. As one of Star Wars’ few forays into the horror genre, the Nameless always felt terrifying and narratively effective in how little they’re described, and yet how viscerally they’re evoked. It feels fitting that we get just a glimpse of their home planet but no real explanation of how or why they do what they do.

That being said, I did find myself piecing together a theory of my own as I read the Planet X segments. The planet is described as so rich and lush with the Force that forests grow back in the span of a year when destroyed, minor wounds heal almost immediately, and even non-Force-sensitive people like Bokana or Shea Ganandra begin to display light Force aptitude. In such a place where the Force is literally overflowing, it makes sense that a creature like the Nameless could evolve to be able to simply drink the pure Living Force from other life forms without unduly affecting the ecosystem. It’s only when they’re removed from the planet do they cease to be a mere animal, becoming something sinister and terrifying, since their normally abundant sustenance is elsewhere so comparatively scarce. On Jedha and Dalna, the creatures are repeatedly described as appearing starved and even bony. This idea would also fit with the recent one-shot comic Quest of the Jedi, which describes the origin of the jewels embedded in the Rod of Seasons and the Rod of Daybreak. They were originally a single gem on Angcord, where its power gave the people of that world Force abilities but as a result ended up draining the planet of its ability to sustain life. The parallels between Angcord and Planet X seem clear, and the common theme seems to be imbalance. The idea that too much life, too much concentration of the Force, can lead to darkness. Far from being a paradise, as it’s initially described, Planet X feels sinister and unhealthy, overloaded with (almost hoarding?) energy and resources and as a result creating something actually hostile to life and to the Force.

I’m not 100% sure how I feel about this. It makes sense, if I’m reading the thematic content correctly, but it also seems to rely on a scarcity mindset rather than one of abundance, which I feel is philosophically wrong as well as inconsistent with the philosophy of the Jedi and of Star Wars as a whole. It also feels vagely dualistic. I don’t know. I feel like I still haven’t fully thought through all the implications, and I need more time to digest all of this. There might also be more coming in Phase III that could shed further light and context on the whole thing.

Finally, it was interesting how the origin of the Path engines (the puns! I love it) seem to be connected to all of this as well. We know from Phase I that the Paths come from Mari San Tekka, so it makes sense that they have a connection to the Force, and that the origin of such an unusual Force ability also stems from Planet X. Shea says she is “rewriting the known laws of hyperspace” as she makes the jump calculations to leave the planet, and we learn at the end that her real name, as well as her mother’s and potentially her baby’s, is Mari. This begs a lot of questions. If Shea is an alias, then it makes sense that Ganandra might be, too. We already know that the Nihil kept Mari alive far beyond the span of a normal human life, so it’s plausible that Shea Ganandra is really the Mari San Tekka we meet in Phase I. Or perhaps her daughter? Or even her mother? We don’t know, and the fact that this is left ambiguous is interesting.

Overall, I’m really satisfied with Phase II. I can’t decide if I like these stories and characters better than the ones of Phase I, or if it’s just that I’ve read them more recently. It’ll be interesting to get back to the time of Elzar, Avar, Bell, and Marchion when Phase III starts this fall.

[quicktimeeventfull]

15 and 18 for the weird writers ask?

hello and thank you!! sorry, this took me longer than i'd intended!

15. do you write in the margins of your books? dog-ear your pages? read in the bath? why or why not? do you judge people who do these things? can we still be friends?

i love to write in books!! i always keep a highlighter and pen on hand when i’m reading. it makes the experience of reading much more tactile & it feels like you’re in conversation with the book. i don’t generally dog-ear pages, but i don’t care if other people do. the only thing i’m a bit neurotic about is breaking the spines of books because it causes damage over time. i’d much rather dog-ear a page than lay the book flat. 

18. choose a passage from your writing. tell me about the backstory of this moment. how you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. spicy addition: questioner provides the passage. 

oh this is such a fun question, thank you! i am going to pick this one from bargaining power:

“[Near]was thirteen, then. He was young and everything he knew about the world had come from the few years with his mother, which he has cut out with a scalpel and forgotten as best he can, and from the impenetrable walls of the Wammy House.

When he finally draws Light into the cold and the dark of the warehouse, he is eighteen.

He’s older. He’s different. He’s seen more things. His life is still quite constrained but he’s been through three different airports and watched the clouds from above. He’s drunk a glass of pink champagne with Anthony and Stephan and Halle and laughed at the texture of bubbles on his tongue. Once he’d sat at the edge of a beach in the dark with the black water lapping at his legs and his hands buried deep in the sand and he’d thought of nothing except the night dragging him deep into itself and he had known quite viscerally that he was owned by the earth and that he owned it in turn. The seasons have passed and he has been carried through them, sloughing off the old parts of himself and gathering new pieces.”

bargaining power was originally just the first half, which is about near being furious that L is abandoning his duties by being in love with light, but i felt that it presented an overly harsh image of near. i personally see him as being a really angry and somewhat cold person, but not a heartless one. for example: he definitely enjoys batting light around a bit while they play their cat-and-mouse games, but when light is actually dying there’s absolutely none of that. he just answers light’s questions very calmly while everyone else is (understandably!) content to let him writhe around disoriented and terrified — imo there’s a certain degree of compassion in the straightforwardness of that. so!! i pulled this out of the ao3 editor and wrote the second half, where he grows a little older and a little softer. something which fascinates me about near & which i wanted to draw upon is that he’s approximately the same age light was when the series started. in a lot of ways, they’re really similar people — very idealistic, very black-and-white in their thinking. in a lot of ways, death note is really a deconstruction of coming-of-age stories, and i think one of the great tragedies of death note is that light never really grows up. he spends his whole life from 17 onwards in a series of hotel rooms and then locked up in his own apartment, forming no meaningful connections even with the people he’s closest too, acquiring no new experiences whatsoever. i wanted to contrast that by giving near a different life. (and the suggestion that he won’t live the same way light does, in the future.) light closes himself off from the world, and near gets to allow the world inside of him. more very specific details: pink champagne was the first alcoholic beverage i ever had so i’ve always had a particular fondness for it. also i absolutely love beaches at night! i used to live next to one and found it genuinely kind of terrifying because you absolutely could not see where the sky met the water or the water met the ground — it was just this pure black space. but it was the sort of terror you wanted to be part of. anyway! that’s how near and light feel about getting older. the difference is light runs from it and near wants to join it. so that’s the little metaphor in this story. 

[blatantescapism]

for the first several pictures I genuinely couldn’t tell if I was looking at a human or one of those super detailed ball-jointed art dolls.

I mean that as a high level of praise. Allow me to explain, from my very limited education on Butoh.

An art doll can be placed into a pose that causes sympathetic discomfort to look at.

like, yes, the human body can bend that way, but it would put strain and pain on your joints, and so it is subconsciously unsettling to look at

but a doll is not capable of actually experiencing discomfort.

Butoh is about actually experiencing the discomfort, and using it. Deliberately triggering a visceral reaction.

Butoh was created in response to the horrors of WWII, by artists who had a deep need to express their trauma. They became frustrated by the expectation that they owed anyone catharsis or optimism or pretty aesthetics to soften their raw emotions. They did not want to make their trauma palatable for consumption, so they began to study the unpalatable and the taboo.

In the more avant-garde, confrontational examples, the audience is supposed to feel a literal knee-jerk response of revulsion. You might think, “okay it’s definitely Art with a capital A, but also I’m genuinely concerned for this person’s mental and physical well-being!”

And in fact that is the point. The idea is that you SHOULD feel uncomfortable when other people demonstrate distress. The artform is designed to challenge cognitive dissonance. How much distress is it acceptable to show in public? Why is there an instinct to hush it up? Where is the line where people begin to believe that their own comfort is more important than others’ unhappiness?

What makes you flinch? Why?

Western culture has conditioned us with the idea of “suffering for one’s art”, like art is improved by sacrifice and pain, or even requires it. Butoh is supposed to work the other way around. I think Bo Burnham’s “Inside” is actually a great example of what I mean.

For the dancer, Butoh is about honesty. Genuine openness to the body and the emotions, not hiding the effort, not hiding the imperfections, using movements based on energy and reaction instead of beauty.

Compare to ballet, which is also hugely taxing on its dancers’ physical and mental health, but which requires the appearance of light, effortless aesthetic perfection.

Now, with that cultural context, realize that this is not a photo shoot of a Butoh dancer. This is a drag queen wearing a look inspired by Butoh. Hence the perfect makeup and the attempt to be more beautiful than off-putting.

(That’s fascinating, and someone smarter than me could write a whole nother essay about the implications of combining Butoh and drag)

Anyway my point is: check out these poses. These are not comfortable poses! Try copying them if you don’t believe me.

She’s going for something that looks like Butoh, which means she’s putting in a lot of effort. But she’s working within Western beauty standards, so she’s hiding the effort. In that final photo you can see the tendons and veins on her leg working to keep that foot elevated and flexed, but that’s it.

Isn’t it fucked up how much that *didn’t* register until I pointed it out?

Western advertising has desensitized us so much to the idea that models should contort themselves in the name of aesthetics. As if it’s easy. The cultural context that led to this photoset is about making suffering impossible to ignore, and yet it would not be out of place as a magazine glossy ad for perfume.

and you would have flipped past it like “well that’s weird, but it’s pretty, I guess. I don’t like it but I’m not going to examine why”

NYMPHIA WIND ☆ Japanese Butoh

Photography by Eric Magnussen