#I’m lying down in bed rn and I shit u not I felt my back take a big sigh of relief lol | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ushittyoldman · 4 years ago

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nobody’s fault but mine (pt. 2)

Levi wouldn’t really be Levi if he knew how to handle his intense feelings for you.

pairing. levi x fem!reader AND a little bit of jean x fem!reader (b/c once again i am a slut 4 jean too)

warnings. some fluff, language (b prepared for a lot of the f-bomb)

a/n. hi sorry 4 the long wait, life is a little hectic rn (it’s snowing n our power has been going out on n off for the past few days lmfao also school b lowkey kicking my ass) BUT i wanted 2 say thank u so so much 4 all ur feedback to part 1 it was so so so unexpected n sweet n flattering i literally still can’t wrap my head around it. i would rly appreciate some feedback 2 this one too since this is A LOT more levi n i actually adored writing him but i would luv 2 know what u guys think of my characterization of him (im a little nervy) but yes feedback is encouraged! this is kinda long but a lot happens so i rly hope u guys appreciate this n enjoy it bc it took me so long 2 write n rewrite it heheheh (side note 4 the sake of age n everything, all the 104th cadets r actually 18+ including our cute lil reader) also! pls continue 2 request more levi ok that’s it 4 now enjoy!

“Rise and shine, sleeping beauty.”

“Jean!”

The hushed voices stirred you out of the pleasant state of unconsciousness you had been in. A sharp pain shot through your head as you slowly opened your eyes, blinking quickly to adjust to the bright light. You flexed your fingers subtly as an attempt to gain awareness of yourself and your surroundings. Once you were comfortable, you slowly turned your head to your right and saw a scene you had grown painfully familiar with– Jean arguing with someone. The victim of the week was Armin, and you almost wanted to laugh at the quick back-and-forth between the two.

“Your bedside manner… sucks,” you managed to mumble. You cringed at the uncharacteristic hoarseness of your voice.

“There she is!” Jean exclaimed, shooting a victorious smirk at Armin, before fondly looking down at you, as he moved closer to your side.

You heard multiple gasps of your name, and you quickly turned your head to your left, before regretting it due to the sharp pang that followed in your head. Nevertheless, you mustered up as bright a smile as you could, looking at your friends who had all taken various positions throughout the room. Eren was the first to your bed, embracing you tightly.

“That was scary,” he softly mumbled your name, before pulling back, “Don’t do that again.”

The concern on his face startled you momentarily, and you couldn’t help but avert your eyes. You blinked quickly before looking up and shyly smiling at Eren.

“I’ll keep that in mind for next time.”

You then looked up at your fellow cadets, who stood surrounding your small bed in the infirmary. Your love for these people sat heavily in your chest, and you beamed up at them, before you realized you were in the infirmary.

“What happened?” you genuinely asked, your husky voice taking you by surprise again.

“Oh, I’ll tell you what happened!” Jean scowled, crossing his arms in anger, “That little bastard—”

“Jean, you can’t say that about the Captain!” Sasha chided, looking sideways in fear as if to emphasize her point.

“Captain, my ass!”

You attempted to stifle your giggling, yet your mood significantly dropped upon remembering Levi’s treatment towards you this past month. You tried to conceal your obviously bothered expression, but you felt a hand softly ruffle your hair. You looked up and smiled at Reiner.

“Don’t sweat it, kiddo, I’m sure he’ll tone down the punishments after this,” he reassured, obviously mistaking your dejection over your unreciprocated feelings for Levi for something else.

Appreciating the gesture, you continued to smile up at him while nodding softly. Reiner had a comforting presence, and you felt your mood brighten slightly.

“Fingers crossed,” you deadpanned, earning a soft laugh from Bertholdt, who had taken a seat at the foot of your bed.

Jean’s relentless bashing of the Captain continued, as Sasha, Connie, and Armin attempted to calm him down, warning him about the consequences they’d all have to face if word got back to Levi. Eren gritted his teeth in irritation, as he glared up at Jean, threatening to “knock him out if he didn’t shut up,” while Mikasa had silently moved around the chaos to rest her calloused hand on your own, silently squeezing as a gesture of comfort. You squeezed back.

“Look, all I’m saying is he obviously has it out for her. She’s a better soldier than all of us– even you, titan boy— and it’s still not good enough? I call bullshit!”

“I think he’s just trying to be a good teacher, I’m sure there’s a lot I can still improve on,” you justified, and all eyes turned to you.

“There’s not,” Mikasa bluntly stated, leaving no room for argument.

Your friends all agreed, and you scrunched your nose playfully to conceal the warmth that had spread throughout your body at their praise. You worked hard to get where you were– there was a satisfaction in knowing that all of your effort wasn’t going unacknowledged.

“Jean-boy’s right—”

“Bastard!”

“—Captain Levi has been unnecessarily cruel to her, and we’ve all noticed it!” Eren’s fists clenched in anger as he ignored Jean’s yelling.

“But the Captain isn’t the type to hold grudges or act impulsively, so I think there’s something deeper to it,” Armin reasoned, apologetically glancing at you in case his words offended you.

You nodded softly, not wanting to worsen your headache; however, it didn’t really matter when Jean’s painfully loud voice retaliated almost immediately.

“He overworked her to the point of her passing out from exhaustion and severe dehydration!” His eyebrows furrowed in anger, and his sandy brown hair bounced with his every move.

You winced from the pain in your head, and the movement didn’t go unnoticed by Reiner, who glanced at you from where he stood.

“Jean— inside voice, yeah?” Reiner softly spoke, subtly tilting his head down towards you. Jean’s gaze softened and concern replaced the anger on his contorted features, as he apologized to you.

“Yeah, seriously, what are you getting so worked up for?” Connie innocently asked, before a knowing look crossed his features. He turned to his partner-in-crime, and the two donned shit-eating grins as they turned back to Jean.

“Right, that’s why.”

Bertholdt, whose lanky body had been horizontally lying across the bed comfortably, sat up onto his elbows and cluelessly asked, “What’s why?”

Sasha’s smile widened, and she crossed her arms, mimicking Connie’s knowing smirk. “It’s because Jean-boy, here, is sweet on our dear little—”

“Would you shut up!” Jean yelled louder than before, fists shaking in anger. His face was flushed an impossible shade of red, and you would’ve joined in on the laughter, had your head not exploded from the pain.

You were fully aware of the incessant teasing Jean received regarding his relationship with you, and you would honestly be lying if you said you didn’t get a kick out of it as well. Deciding to spare your friend today, you sent a good-natured smile to him, hoping that would be enough to quell his frustration.

Had you not turned to converse with Eren, you wouldn’t have missed Jean’s dazed smile.

While talking to Eren, your mind briefly drifted to Levi and the situation that was weighing heavily on you. You didn’t want to believe that the Captain hated you– you desperately grasped onto your excuse that he was simply a harsh teacher. And yet, you knew there was something more to it.

In a panic-driven moment, you momentarily wondered if he had somehow found out about your feelings for him. You remembered him telling you about his upbringing— you knew better than most that Levi and confessions of love did not go together... at all. Before you could further dig yourself deeper into the pitiful hole you had been in the past month, a painfully familiar voice broke through your intrusive thoughts.

“You know how loud you are? This isn’t a damn daycare.”

“Sir!”

All conversation in the room came to an abrupt halt. You couldn’t help but grow amused at the sight of Eren and Bertholdt scrambling off your bed to stand and salute their superior. Your small smile was wiped off your face when your eyes met stormy grey ones. You quickly looked down, before inhaling quickly and swiftly pulling your bedsheets back. You attempted to muster as much strength as you could, ignoring the multiple eyes on you. You gracefully stood up from the bed, and turned to Levi, managing the salute as well. You slowly looked up at him.

“Sir,” you shakily mumbled, internally cringing once again at the uncharacteristic rasp to your voice.

You received proud looks of admiration from your friends, though Jean’s remained more concerned than proud. Idiot! he thought to himself. We know you’re strong, now’s not the time to prove it!

Levi, meanwhile, had tried his very best to suppress the guilt that had been eating away at him for the past day; however, it had only worsened when he saw you and heard your weak voice. Upon making eye contact with you, he almost wanted to fall to his knees and apologize profusely for everything he had put you through, audience be damned.

Levi had spent the better half of the day pacing around your room in the infirmary wing of the Scout Regiment’s base, lost deeply in his thoughts, as his concern for you weighed heavily in his heart. After a few more hours of pacing, he had finally come to the conclusion that he was an idiot (a grade A, unique brand of idiot all in a league of his very own), and that he was in love with you.

Where the first realization annoyed him to high heaven, the second one brought him a sense of peace that was only heightened every time he had looked at your unconscious form.

Levi, uncomfortable with the amount of self-actualizing he had done that day, had left the room after softly caressing your cheek, hoping to convey all of his guilt and apologies and love into the simple gesture. Once he was away from the infirmary wing of the base, he inhaled deeply, itching for the comfort of a cup of warm tea. On his way to the mess hall, he had passed by your friends from the 104th, all undoubtedly on their way to see you. Levi’s eyebrow had slightly risen upon noticing the varying looks of defiance and anger on each of their faces. He had remained unfazed, his half-lidded eyes looking away, as if he hadn’t even seen them at all.

Somehow, it was harder to face them now with you standing amongst them.

His face retained its usual impassive and bored expression, yet it momentarily faltered when he noticed you slightly stumble from where you were standing next to the hospital bed. Levi’s heartbeat quickened, and he made a subtle move to rush over to you to catch you for the second time that day, but Jean was quicker. The taller man had been keeping a watchful eye on you, and had quickly dropped his salute to stand behind you and steady your slightly uncoordinated form. You comfortably relaxed backwards into his arms as you sent a grateful smile up at him, and he softly smiled back in response, leading you back to the bed.

Levi was both relieved and a little fucking pissed off.

“Visiting hours are over— I need to talk to the brat,” he lazily said, authority ringing loudly and clearly in his command.

For the first time in all his years of captaining the scouts, there was a quick hesitation after his command.

Levi raised an unamused eyebrow at each of the cadets, silently challenging them to disobey him. Despite his threatening aura, he wouldn’t blame any of your friends if they were to defy Levi. The Captain deserved it for his treatment of you— he’d take it like a man.

Your eyes widened in surprise when your friends subtly glanced at you, silently asking if it was okay to leave you alone with him. Upon hearing Levi’s request to talk to you, your heart had begun to uncontrollably race and you swore you could feel it in your throat. You were disappointed in yourself for growing excited at finally being able to talk to him.

Blinking quickly, your cheeks grew hot under everyone’s gazes, so you reassuringly smiled at your eight friends, and you once again felt the genuine love you had for them erupt within your heart.

Ever the peacemaker of the group, Armin signaled for the rest to follow him out of the room, and they each uncertainly walked behind him. Mikasa squeezed your hand once more before following closely behind Eren, who sent you an encouraging smile. Bertholdt subtly sent a thumbs up to you, while Reiner winked at you as he looked over his broad shoulder. Your smile widened; however, it faltered when your eyes met Jean’s. His irritated expression worried you, yet before you could respond, he turned away and walked past Levi.

Levi had to give it to Jean— not many people had the balls to openly glare at the Captain.

Once everyone was gone, the tension within the room increased tenfold. You looked at Levi, and you bit your lip in contemplation, anticipating what he would say. Many thoughts rang through your head.

Was it another punishment? Was he going to yell at me? Did he find out about my fee–

“How do you feel?”

You almost had to pinch yourself. After one month of barely any interactions with your friend— if you were still even allowed to call him that— you realized how starved you were for pleasant conversation with Levi.

“I’ve been better,” you breathed out, still cautious. “How… how do you feel?”

Even after such an unpleasant experience, your unwavering kindness shone just as brightly. Levi’s heart ached so sweetly, and he internally groaned upon realizing how fucking whipped he was.

He silently stepped forward, pulling a seat to the side of your bed. Once he was seated, Levi looked into your eyes, and you felt your breath hitch at the intensity of the swirl of emotions dancing within his normally cold eyes. He exhaled softly.

You noticed how tired he looked.

“Just peachy.”

There was a pregnant pause, and you came to realize that there was just too much you wanted to say to him, and you didn’t know where to start. Your soft eyes held his sharp gaze.

“You scared the shit out of me, brat.”

Your heart involuntarily skipped a beat, and your eyes widened in response.

“I did?” you internally slapped yourself at your stupid response.

“Yeah. You did.”

“Sorry, sir,” you softly mumbled.

“Levi… just Levi.”

The Levi in front of you was a completely different man from the one who you’ve had the pleasure of interacting with over the past month. You thought back to your friends and their anger at your mistreatment, and you thought of the many unfair punishments, cold shoulder treatments, and overworking during training (despite you being second only to Humanity’s Strongest, himself). Slowly, your incredulity at being treated like a lapdog began to dim and was replaced by your growing indignation. Though you were no stranger to standing up for yourself, you still felt your anxiety skyrocket as you looked back up at your superior.

“Do you hate me, Captain? Did I… did I do something?”

And there it was.

Levi knew the question would come up at some point, and yet he still felt ill-prepared in his response. He knew this was a big step for you— in the whole year that he’s gotten to know you, he learned how much you hated confrontation. You blatantly ignoring his request and choosing to address him by his title caught his attention, and he frowned. When he looked into your slightly watery eyes, a warmth spread throughout his chest, and he had to clear his throat.

“Don’t say shit like that, you haven’t done anything.”

Levi wanted to punch himself— he was never good with words.

You, however, weren’t fazed by the manner in which he spoke. You had fallen for the man, harsh words and all.

“Then why have you—” you paused as you momentarily lost your voice.

Levi thought it was cute (to be fair, he found everything about you endearing), yet he knew it would be inappropriate to openly admire you when you were so clearly upset with him.

“Sorry,” you grew embarrassed and licked your lips, “It’s just… well, why have you been ignoring me? And— and yelling at me? We stopped drinking tea together, and practicing in the forests. You don’t even acknowledge me when I talk to you! I’m sure you have a really good reason, sir, but I just—”

Levi detested the sick feeling of guilt that churned within his heart. In hindsight, he really should’ve thought it through before he began his little plan of distancing himself from you. How else was he supposed to tell you oh, everyone in the fucking Scout Regiment wants you, and so do I, but I haven’t done anything about it because I’m a pussy, so I just decided to take it out on you and wallow in my own self-pity like the sad little man I am, without sounding like he was deranged.

“—I just miss you.”

Levi’s eyes widened a fraction of an inch, and his breath hitched. This time it was the sincerity in your eyes that made him look away quickly.

“I…”

I’ve missed you too, dammit.

At his lack of a response, your eyebrows furrowed, and your irritation grew. Your small hands balled the soft bedsheet, and you swallowed to soften the burn in your throat before speaking.

“Why did you even come here?” you scoffed indignantly, attempting to mask your hurt, “Was it to just to yell at me some more? Oh, I know! Maybe I need to run through training ten more times again, right?”

The guilt churned even more in his chest, and Levi seriously wanted to punch himself. He willed himself to say something— anything— but he felt speechless in front of you.

“Levi,” you hoarsely spoke with desperation, and he looked into your watery eyes. “Say something, please.”

It was as if you had read his mind, and a slight feeling of reassurance quelled the storm in his heart; you really were the only one for him. As he met your eyes— your beautiful, enchanting eyes— he felt his self-hatred skyrocket at the amount of hurt in them. He had grown used to seeing them filled with humor, kindness, and a soft edge that was rare to find nowadays. Yet seeing them filled with such pain and hurt was unsettling, and Levi went mute for the fifth time that day.

You nodded in understanding when he failed to say anything, and your heart clenched. Jean had been right— you were nothing more than a lovesick puppy. You blinked quickly as a poor attempt to conceal your tears, yet nothing ever escaped the Captain’s attention.

His gaze softened, and Levi found out something else about himself— he really didn’t like seeing you cry.

“Shit, please don’t cry,” he tenderly mumbled, as he leaned closer to you and gently cupped your face to wipe away your tears with the pads of his thumb.

Your breath hitched and your full lips involuntarily parted. You relished in the warmth of his touch, and you wanted nothing more than to lean into his comforting hand. Your name fell from his lips, and you felt yourself come back to reality. Remembering just how you had gotten into this situation, you decided to stand your ground. Despite everything in your body begging to give in and accept this moment with the Captain, you stood unwavering in your decision.

You gently grabbed his large hand with both your hands, and moved it away from your face and into your lap. You held it there loosely and delicately rubbed your fingers over his hand soothingly before eventually stopping, and looking back up at him.

His usual bored expression was long gone, and in its place was a very tender and vulnerable expression. A storm was brewing in his grey eyes, and you distantly remembered stargazing once with him. You had desperately wished you could read his thoughts— somehow, you had found his daunting eyes more fascinating than the starry sky. You felt an ache in your heart at the intimate memories, and you really really wished Levi loved you the way you love him.

“You know what, Levi? It doesn’t even matter if you hate me, because—” you inhaled sharply.

This has to be done, you reassured yourself, or else you’d be subjecting yourself to an onslaught of hurt and heartbreak.

“—Because I hate you.”

Your lip quivered and your broken voice faltered. And of course, Levi noticed.

His eyes darted down to your lips at the slight movement. His hands had stilled, and he decided that getting eaten by a damn titan would be much less painful than this.

And then he’s looking at you. You looked back at him, yet he’s looking at you— through you— in that way that makes you want to hide and hold your ground at the same time.

“Right,” Levi drawled, and you knew he didn’t believe you (hell, you were unconvinced yourself). His eyes reverted back to their cold nature, and he ran a hand through his hair, allowing the silky strands to softly land against his forehead.

He stood up, and wordlessly gave you a onceover. Under his scrutiny, you felt yourself grow insecure, but deep down you desperately hoped he’d stay. You bit your bottom lip in apprehension, and Levi’s eyes softened at the sight of your nervous habit.

How is it that he could kill titans all the livelong day yet when it came to this sweet girl, so small and disarming, he couldn’t even utter a single word?

Levi had never felt more pathetic. He peered down at you, momentarily debating whether it would be right for him to attempt one last thing before finally deciding fuck it, and gently cupping your cheek for the third time that day, bending down, and pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head. He gingerly inhaled your enticing scent, appreciating how even after the hell he had put you through, you still smelled so alluring.

You were positive that Levi could hear your heartbeat. You blinked many times in disbelief, as he pulled away and sent one last lingering gaze down at you.

Levi slightly smirked at the pretty blush that had colored your cheeks, his half-lidded eyes drinking in the mesmerizing sight of you sitting up in your bed and gaping up at him, your cheeks flushed and wet with the remnants of your tears. He turned around and silently left the room.

He had ignored every part of his body that begged him to stay.

▲▼▲

“Shut up, I can barely hear them!”

“Ow— Bertholdt, you’re stepping on my foot!”

“Oh, sorry.”

“Watch it, horse face!”

“Eren.”

“You piece of shit, I’m—”

The piece of bread that had been tightly held in Sasha’s grip suddenly fell to the floor. Everyone went silent.

“Holy shit, I think… I think he just kissed her.”

Jean really hoped Sasha was wrong.

He decided to ignore the fact that her freakishly good hearing bordered on supernatural, so there was really no way she could’ve been wrong with a mere wooden door standing between her and the conversation.

“I knew there was something going on between them! Reiner— pay up.”

Reiner muttered several curses under his breath as he pulled out a hefty stack of cash from his pocket. Connie’s grin widened.

Armin had glanced up at Jean, slightly alarmed at the dark expression on his face. Before he could comfort his friend, the door suddenly opened. Everyone scrambled to straighten themselves up, attempting to act like they hadn’t been just eavesdropping on the entire conversation between you and the Captain.

A chorus of sir’s rang throughout the large hallway, and Levi grew amused at the sight before him. His lips twitched upwards, and the cadets had to almost physically stop their mouths from dropping open at the sight. Levi’s ghost of a smile disappeared when his eyes met Jean’s seething ones.

The two held each other’s gazes, Levi’s expression being cool, while Jean’s had been irritated. Levi was not a fucking idiot; he knew the kid was in love with you.

Join the fucking club.

Levi, realizing that this was the exact reason he had gotten himself into that mess with you and not really wanting to sour his somewhat good mood, looked away from Jean to nod at the group of your friends.

“As you were.”

He brushed past Jean, his gaze as intimidating as ever, as he silently walked down the hallway. Jean’s fists clenched tightly. Once Levi had turned the corner, the group exploded into chatter, their reactions varying from stunned to adoring.

Jean really really fucking hoped Sasha was wrong.

▲▼▲

Your horse trotted proudly through the vast landscape, the wind blew through your open hair, your friends teased each other amicably, and your excitement grew at finally being cleared to join the scouts on their next expedition. Though you hadn’t been getting much sleep lately, and you’ve been a little too preoccupied to eat much, nothing could bring your mood down at this moment.

You were alongside your friends as you all followed the section commanders as their horses galloped into the edge of the forest. The mission for today was to exterminate any titans who had wandered too close to the walls. A simple mission, and you were more than capable.

You had been in a great mood.

Until your eyes landed on Levi.

He had been further up, leading his own squad. He had turned around to respond to Gunther, and that’s when his eyes had met yours. Your internal conflict grew, and you ultimately ended up averting your eyes and ignoring him, deciding to maintain your cold treatment towards him.

Him kissing your head had only further confused you, despite the sweet butterflies you felt every time you thought back to it. Levi’s treatment towards you had unexpectedly changed since that day in the infirmary, and it had reverted to the way it was before his sudden aversion to you, though there was something much sweeter in his actions. You swore you were getting whiplash.

Though he had been significantly kinder to you, you had held your ground, unrelenting in your declaration. Part of you was terrified that if you gave in and became comfortable, he’d suddenly return back to the yelling, the punishments, and the overworking. Part of you also didn’t want to face reality— your feelings were unreciprocated, and they would only serve to bring you a world of heartache and sadness.

Your cold shoulder towards him was nothing compared to the way he had treated you. Yours mainly consisted of avoiding him, and when that wasn’t an option and you had to interact with him, you kept it civil and short. Your heart would ache, but you knew it was for the best. It helped that Jean would offer approving smiles and words of encouragement, even going as far as to smirk when you had ignored the Captain.

Levi, meanwhile, had frowned when he noticed that you ignored him. Again.

In all honesty, he did deserve it, but that didn’t mean it still didn’t hurt like a bitch. He grew irked at your display. Levi hoped you would understand that him kissing your head and showing affection towards you was his grand confession of love. You knew he was shit with words, and he hoped that that would be enough.

He was sadly fucking mistaken.

His attention had been on you the whole mission. Even when the scouts had to dismount from the horses to use the ODM gear through the trees, he had somehow managed to keep a watchful eye on you. You were graceful as ever as you flew through the trees, though his observing gaze noticed that your reaction time was noticeably slower than normal. He had also noticed the dark circles under your usually bright eyes, and he grew worried upon noticing your overall state.

Levi, himself, wasn’t faring much better. He was getting virtually no sleep, running completely on caffeine, adrenaline, and pure will, yet he still made sure he was in excellent shape when it came to these missions— humanity was resting on his shoulders, after all.

The firing of a flare gun in the distance indicated that the group would be encountering titans— a lot of titans— from the left. The soldiers prepared, all eyes focused on the left. You had conveniently taken up the right-most end of the formation, and your attention had also been on the left, your blades held tightly in your hands.

It was only by chance that Levi decided to glance down at you as he soared above you in the middle of the formation. Your eyes met once again, and Levi’s heart lurched at the beautiful sight, when movement behind you immediately caught his attention. A large abnormal with the ability to jump from tree to tree had suddenly appeared and made an attempt to grab you. Your attention had been solely on Levi, so you hadn’t noticed, especially over the roar of the wind in your ears.

Levi’s eyes widened, and he yelled out your name. The rich baritone of his deep voice reached your ears, and you turned slightly behind you, yet you reacted too slowly. Your body jerked backwards, flying so far from the group. You flew through the air at such a great speed that it took you by surprise when you slammed against a tree as the wires of your ODM gear grew tangled. The abnormal had missed you— barely. Your head slammed against the tree and you felt the wind knocked out of your body at the impact.

You whimpered at the hell of a hospital stay you’d have to face after this.

The abnormal almost seemed to be grinning wider upon realizing that it had successfully subdued you. You attempted to quickly stand up, though your body yelled in agony at the movement. Willing yourself to fight back, you shakily stood up, tightly gripping your blades that had miraculously not fallen to the ground throughout the struggle. You winced at the searing pain that shot through your head, yet you clenched your teeth in determination. Realizing that your gear was broken and therefore useless, you quickly discarded yourself of it, and felt some of the tension in your body alleviate now that you were significantly lighter.

“The hell is she doing?” Jean yelled incredulously from his spot next to Levi, and the other members of the group looked on in shock as they all attempted to make it to you in time.

“She’s fighting back,” Levi spoke through gritted teeth, his worry for you eating him alive. His eyebrows were furrowed in stress and anxiety, and he was now soaring impossibly fast through the trees in order to reach you.

Stupid brat. Stupid, resilient, little brat.

“Attagirl!” Oluo and Eld cheered, and Petra shoved them, warning them to stop their blatant ogling in the middle of a dangerous mission. They skillfully dodged her attack, grinning at their adept use of the ODM gear.

A noise towards the side caught their attention, and the group realized the titans they had been anticipating were now in sight. Levi coolly assessed the shitty situation, before commanding that most of the soldiers take care of the titans, while Levi, his squad, and some of the 104th’s cadets would assist you. The group split up, and Levi turned his attention back to you, his heart thumping against his chest.

As the titan made a move to grab you, you exhaled quickly to focus before skillfully jumping onto its elongated arm and running quickly towards its nape. You were defying gravity as you gained speed the higher you went. The titan wasn’t stupid, and it began to grab you with its other arm, yet you anticipated its move. You lithely dodged it, executing a quick front flip as you narrowly escaped its grasp once again.

This was it!

You saw your opening. You leaped forward and pushed your feet against its shoulder as hard as you could, soaring high up in the air above the titan. Muscle memory served you well, and you thought back to the training circuit that had mimicked a situation almost exactly like this one. You gracefully began to spin yourself faster and faster, your cape billowing behind you as you finally readied your blades for the final blow. You yelled out, as your head pain worsened. As a result, your maneuver faltered slightly, almost imperceptible to the human eye. The titan noticed.

It lashed a large hand out again, attempting to grab you, but it accidentally slapped your body away. You cried out in pain, and you flew in the direction of your friends, hurtling towards the ground. You were falling so fast, and you felt yourself grow dizzy from being chucked around so much in the last five minutes.

Eren yelled out your name, a whimper stuck in his throat at the sight of your almost lifeless body spiraling downwards. Jean’s eyes widened, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to make it in time.

Levi’s heart stopped upon witnessing the titan slap your body with so much force. You were plummeting towards the ground at an impossible speed, and he didn’t even think twice before withdrawing his ODM gear’s hooks and diving towards you within the blink of an eye. His cape flew behind him, and a determined glint had overtaken his angry features.

You had been bordering between consciousness and unconsciousness, yet the sight above you had been so clear that it almost felt as if everything was moving in slow motion. Your long hair flew around you, creating a curtain around your face, as you looked up at Levi. He had dived towards you, his jaw so tightly clenched. His muscular long arm began reaching out to you. The ground was quickly approaching, and you felt a sense of serenity at the sight of your Captain, despite your confusion and the severity of this situation.

“Levi,” you mumbled, smiling softly.

His face dropped upon seeing the calm expression on your face, and he willed himself to go faster, a number of expletive curses ringing through his head.

That damn titan. Did it know how small you were? How precious you were?

He spun himself slightly to gain momentum, and he saw you were just within reach. Levi confidently stretched his strong arm out even more, managing to wrap his hand around your arm. He swiftly pulled you into his chest, one arm wrapping around your waist, while the other hand cradled your head protectively against his broad chest. He swiftly flipped himself around to face his body upwards, further ensuring he’d take the majority of the blow in case you two ended up hitting the ground, and shot both of his ODM gear’s hooks into a nearby tree, propelling both of you away from the ground and towards the high branch. You fleetingly realized how familiar this position felt.

Once Levi safely landed, he kneeled, and supported your body against his thigh as he continued to hold you in his arms. He quickly looked over his shoulder, and could make out the sight of the titan falling to the ground. All the members of his squad seemed alive and well, so he turned his attention back to you. His eyes quickly darted over your face, desperately searching for any obvious injuries.

Your eyes fluttered open at the feeling of Levi running his hands through your hair and over your cheeks. The Levi in front of you was leagues different from the cool and composed one you had come to know. He had a frantic look in his eyes, his jaw clenched tightly, as he desperately peered down at you.

“Le… Levi?” You mumbled, your voice still a little hoarse from your recent infirmary stay.

“You are so precious to me, you hear me?” He lowly spoke, panic and anger and a whole plethora of emotions coloring his normally deadpan voice.

Your jaw fell open and you were almost positive you were suffering from a mean concussion, and this was a hallucination. “Wha—”

“You’re a fucking brat— an incredibly frustrating, resilient little brat— but you’re mine.”

You dazedly looked up at him, and you realized how close his face was to yours. His muscular chest was heaving up and down, and a small droplet of sweat dripped down from his hairline. Levi’s handsome features held nothing but adoration for you, and in that moment nothing could bring you down from the high you were experiencing. You felt his warm hands cup your cheek once more, a habit he seemed to be fond of.

“You want a fucking declaration of love? Here it is— if anything happens to you, I swear I’ll kill every titan on this piece of shit planet,” he spoke, surprisingly unbothered with how vulnerable he was being with you. He moved closer to you, his forehead nearly resting on your own. “I don’t give a fuck if you hate me or not. You’re mine, and I’m yours. And that’s all there is to it.”

Your hand creeped up to grasp the wrist of the hand that had been caressing your face, and you tightened your fingers around it. He froze, momentarily wondering if you were rejecting his confession, and he internally groaned at the thought.

There’d be no coming back from this one.

“You’re mine?” You shakily asked, a gloriously beautiful smile slowly gracing your features.

“That’s what I said,” he mumbled, attempting to conceal how lovestruck he felt at your smile.

“After… after we get home and I get some medical attention, you’re going to have to kiss me, alright? I’m—”

You were cut off by his lips pressing against your own. Your eyes fluttered shut, and you relished in the soft feeling of his lips molding against yours. You felt an indescribable warmth erupt in your chest, and you whimpered against Levi’s lips. His kiss was soft and warm, a huge contrast to the Levi from this past month. He pulled away just as quickly as he had bent down.

“One for the road,” he simply explained, glancing down at you. He internally smirked at the pretty blush coloring your cheeks— he was always fond of the sight.

▲▼▲

“You’re not serious.”

“Do I look like I’m joking?”

You stifled your giggles at Levi’s straight face. Your expression still showed your disbelief at what he had just told you.

“I’m not an idiot, Levi, I know how some people look at me,” you laughed, rolling your eyes playfully.

“Even the Commander?”

“Oh, I’m working my way up through the ranks right now, can’t you tell?” You teased, gesturing down to your intertwined bodies, as you both faced each other in his warm bed.

“You’re funny, brat,” he deadpanned, no heat and all fondness as he affectionately pinched your cheeks.

You snuggled deeper into his chest, savoring the warmth that you were enveloped in. You were wearing his shirt— still warm and smelling strongly of him— and you inhaled softly as your face pressed deeper into his chest. Somehow, the slight aftermath of your headache from the recent expedition began to dull slightly.

“I’m sorry again,” Levi murmured, softly cradling your head against his chest.

“Really? I couldn’t tell the first five hundred times you said so,” you teased, looking up at him. Your breath hitched at the sight of his face angled down towards you, dark wisps of hair falling over his eyes and structured face. Levi was so painfully handsome, you could feel your heart flutter.

His eyes were intense, and his guilt continued to stir within his stomach. Seemingly able to read his mind, you pressed a chaste kiss to his warm chest.

“Idiot,” you mumbled, “I really wouldn’t care if the King himself came up to me and proposed, and you know exactly why.”

“Humor me.”

“Terrifying guy, goes by the name of Humanity’s Strongest Soldier?”

He chuckled lowly, the deepness of his voice vibrating through his chest, and your insides turned to mush. Feeling relieved at successfully pulling Levi out of his little hole of guilt, you yawned softly. Your bruised ribs still ached at times, yet you ignored it this time to cuddle deeper into Levi, who was also on the verge of sleep.

He was sleepily looking down at you, observing your attempts to get comfortable in his embrace, and he softly smiled to himself. His muscular arms tightened around you, one of his hands coming to rest on the soft curve of your hip. He relished in the fact that sleep would be coming easily to him with you here. Levi had surprised himself with how easily he was able to show his affections toward you, and he chalked it up to that being further proof that you really were the only one for him.

He felt a warmth come from the sweet pang in his chest, and it spread throughout his entire body. Levi had learned to associate that feeling with you.

His eyes closed silently, and you pressed one last kiss to his chest.

“Precious,” he mumbled, “Precious little brat.”

▲▼▲

#levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman #attack on titan #attack on titan fic #shingeki no kyojin #shingeki no kyoujin #levi aot #levi fanfiction #aot fanfiction #aot #request #jean kirschtien #jean kirstein x reader

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mrs-dynamight · 4 years ago

Text

Be Nice To Me 4

Part 3

*************************************************

Pairing: Katsuki Bakugou x fem!Reader, Denki Kaminari x fem!Reader

Warnings: Eventual mature content, angst, hurt/comfort, love triangle, the reader is lowkey toxic, everything will be adressed in every episode (:

Chapter warning: Just a single curse word.

Chapter: 4/? I'm sorry, this is going to be long :c but I just loooove writing it

Synopsis: You're in love with your best friend Bakugou, and you're cofessing to him but things get a lot more complicated when Denki starts to treat you different *wink wink*

Word count: 1.6k

Author's note: This is a little bit shorter, but it's pure fluff, and the next one is going to be so long they will compensate eachother, hope you enjoy it!

Chapter 4 Bloom- The Paper Kites

I was floating in cloud nine, everything I have ever dreamt of suddenly became true, there he was, the boy of my dreams liking me back, what else could’ve I asked for? Maybe a little more time together before he’s gone.

The doubts in my heart were getting more difficult to ignore with every passing minute, we came back to the dorms like two hours ago but I was incapable of going to bed, let alone trying to sleep, there was so much to think about, were we a couple? I’ve never had a boyfriend, I don’t know how these things are supposed to work, we like each other, that’s all that it takes right? A long-distance relationship? I’ve heard that those never work, or should we wait for him to come back to make it official? Aren’t we already official? We’ve kissed, like a lot, there was even some tongue; ugh those thoughts made me feel so embarrassed.

The light of my home screen lightly illuminated the room, and with my blushed cheeks I went to check who was messaging me, it was Kaminari, I opened the text that reads “R u awake? I had a nightmare and I really could use a hug from my bestie rn” followed by five crying emojis; “See you in the place” said my reply, the place was this empty service room in the rooftop of the dorms, nobody ever used it for anything so it is completely empty, we made a copy of the key one day that we had to clean the entire dorms because a certain yellow-haired guy decide to play “potions” in chemistry class, and since then it’s been our hiding place, it had everything that we needed, a lot of junk food, fairy lights, a portable speaker, blankets and an Opossum holding a cigarette poster in one wall; whenever one of us needed a break from the outside world we came here, this is our safe space.

I opened the door to the place and saw Denki standing there, he looked so tiny and vulnerable, I hugged him instantly, the dim fairy lights in the opossum wall made his facial features even prettier, it was obvious he had been crying, I didn’t asked any question and he didn’t said anything, we just hugged for what it seemed like hours, with a heavy sight he pulled apart and give me smile

-Thanks Y/N I really needed that- Said Denki with his hand in my cheek and his eyes fixed in some point between us

-They’re back, aren’t they? - I asked with concern

He nodded and lied in one of our blankets in the floor, I did the same, we both were looking at the glow in the dark stars glued to the celling not saying a single word, he held my hand and started to cry

-Why do they keep coming back? I don’t wanna be afraid anymore- I knew exactly what he meant, he had a recurrent nightmare, a big fight against villains, every one of us dying in awful ways, he is always the last one to die, and before that there is always someone telling him that he is the weakest of us, that this was all his fault for not being enough.

-Your mind is playing tricks on you, you are not weak, I know I’ve told you that a gazillion times, but I’m willing to do it a million more, all the times you need it, I’m here, we are all safe and sound, you have nothing to worry about- Anytime the nightmares come back I make sure Denki knows he’s just as strong as any of our other classmates, that he’s smart and capable of being a great hero.

-I want to be able to protect you, I don’t want you to die- Said Denki facing me and locking his eyes with my own.

-I promise you, I’m not going to die in the hands of a villain, I’m going to die being the coolest grandma in the neighbourhood, doing a sick backflip and daring Satan himself to come for my soul- I said to make Denki laugh, and apparently it worked

-You’re my best friend Y/N, I don’t know what I would do if you weren’t here, please never stop being like that-

-Being how? -

-I don’t know, funny, smart, a real pain in the ass to the villains and the teachers, a stubborn whiney stuff-

-Are you sure you aren’t describing yourself? –

-Nah, I didn’t said the most handsome man who ever walked the earth, but you’re not bad looking-

We both laughed, I really enjoyed being around Denki, his presence always felt comforting, like coming back home after a long trip, or eating your favourite homemade dish after a rough day, like a cool late summer breeze, he makes my heart warm and my troubles go away, I never feel more like myself than when I’m around him. That’s what friendship feels like, right?

-Could you do me one last favour Y/N? – Denkis voice took me out of my own mind -I don’t want to go back to my room and have another nightmare, I don’t wanna make you unconformable or anything, but could I sleep with you? -

It definitely took me by surprise, we had a lot of sleepovers over the years, but never just the two of us

-I understand if you say no, but I promise I just want to sleep, and having you around makes me feel safe-

-I have an idea, let’s have a sleepover here in the place, I’ll put one of those white noise videos that last hours, so you don’t have to think about anything-

-I’ll set the alarm to get up early and go to our dorms before anyone sees us, thank you so much Y/N, I’ll make it up to you, I promise-

-You don’t have to; I know you’ll do the same for me-

-You’re an angel but with no wings-

-So, like a person? –

-Shut up Aubrey Plaza-

We were both lying in the blankets on the floor, our heads at the same level (look at the reference above) and I was slowly falling asleep, all I could hear was the white noise and Denkis soft breathing, I closed my eyes and just before I completely lost my consciousness and succumb to the tiredness of my body I heard it, Denkis soft voice, “I love you Y/N”. I turned my head to look at him with my heart racing miles, but he was deeply asleep. Maybe I just imagined the whole thing, it probably was my tired mind, I took one last look to the boy next to me, sleeping so peacefully and with a little smile in his lips feeling the same familiar warmth in my soul, is this really what friendship feels like?

The alarm went off exactly at 5 am, I woke up and it took me a moment to realize that I wasn’t in my dorm room, then I remembered Denkis nightmare, our sleepover, and that thing I thought I heard. I had to wake Denki up so we could go to our respective rooms without Aizawa founding out we were out of our rooms at night, or even worse that we had the keys of the place. I sat there and moved Denki to wake him up. He opened one eye and whined

-But moooooom, it’s Saturday, I don’t have to go to school-

-Come on Denki we have to go to our rooms-

-Five more minutes- He said and hugged my leg

-Do you want Iida to found out we didn’t sleep in our rooms and telling Aizawa? -

And just like that he got up and started heading to the door

-Shit, you’re right, come on, you know that guy wakes up hella early-

We were in the stairs heading to our rooms, and although we were on Denkis floor, he kept climbing down the stairs with me.

-You don’t have to escort me to my room Denki-

-Oh but I want to- Replied the yellow haired guy

When we were in front of my door he leaned down and planted a chaste kiss in my forehead.

-Thank you for being there for me, I will remember this night for the rest of my life- And he turned around without waiting for a response disappeared heading towards the stairs.

I stepped into my room with a heavy cloud around my mind, there was so many feelings inside me that I couldn’t even tell them apart, where do I draw the line between friendship and love? Between admiration and affection? Between what I feel for Bakugo and what I feel for Denki?

I closed my eyes and remembered everything that happened yesterday, Bakugos confession, our shared kisses, the promise we made, six months apart now sounded a lot more crucial, after all the things that could happen in the matter of a few hours. Did I just said that because the heat of the moment? The words Bakugo said to me sounded so mature and logical, not like my own thoughts right now, am I just a slave of my own feelings? How would he react if he were me? What about Denki? Was he aware of all those years after his friend? And what if he knew and that is the reason why he hasn’t told me anything yet? Maybe I was just overthinking the situation, nothing was written in stone, neither my relationship with Katsuki nor Denkis feelings for me. I was getting tired of my own thoughts running in circles and not coming to an end, so I wrapped myself in the sheets of my bed and prayed for my mind to shut down so I could get some rest.

************************************************

Part 5

Heeeey I just wanted to thank all of you who read my work, LY, the next few chapters will be like an episode of skins UK, soo be warned, also there is going to be some thirst but nothing too explicit because I'm a shy motherfucker. Enjoy the last chapter free from Mrs-Dynamight Drama™

Taglist: @mikasalt

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dayasbun · 5 years ago

Text

Fame - Angus Cloud (4)

Summary- a luckily timed audition leads to you falling for your new and unexpected co-star.

Warnings- okay HI welcome to my first multi chapter series woah?! this is actually so exciting for me like wow especially since angus doesn’t have any fics yet im just really really excited- so warnings! smut for sure, bad words, lotsa fluff, angst- everything in one basically. here comes a ride and I hope you enjoy :)

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4 {reading now}

“Fuck right there- Oh my god please-” You moaned holding his hair. “You never had anyone eat your pussy like this before right?” he said eating deeper as you moaned and squirmed. “Only you baby, this pussy is only you-”

“Yo wake the fuck up, you making weird noises and shit.”

You sat up taking in a deep breath and inspected your surroundings. There stood a worried Angus with a mug in his hand. “I'm fine...” you said quite unconvincingly.

“You sure? I went to make you some tea and came back to you rolling around and groaning and shit, thought that strange netflix monster had come to you or sum.”

“The demogorgan-”

“Yeah that shit!” He sat next to you on the edge of the bed. “Nightmare?” he asked softly as he handed you the tea.

“Well not exactly...” You took the warm mug and took in a long swig of the warm goodness. It's not like you were just going to openly tell him ‘Oh no, I just had a dream about you eating me out and I loved every second of it.’ “Actually yeah, a nightmare.” you lied.

“I hate those, what was yours about?”

“I...a monster ate me alive and I couldn't stop it.”

Angus shook his head. “Damn mamas, I’m sorry. Those suck, I know its like 2 pm, but let’s eat some breakfast and try to forget about it.”

You nodded standing up and stretching “Thanks...for the tea.”

“Of course, don’t girls love tea? Ion know, I don't really be sleeping with girls that often.” He chuckled walking into the small kitchen.

“Tea is amazing!” You exclaimed, following him and sitting on the counter. “I love tea in all seasons, it has so many benefits.”

“Yeah? What’s some of them benefits.”

“Well green tea has amazing antioxidants, and is a more naturally caffeinated drink than coffee- with not as many negative results. But don't get me wrong, I really do love my coffee- anyway! Tea can help straighten and strengthen bones, brighten your smile, and help you lose weight!!”

“Oh wow.” He laughed “I didn't even care about all that tea shit, just wanted to hear your voice. But it was actually kinda interesting.”

“Yeah- and don't worry about a lack of my voice, I never shut up.”

“You right about that; but before you get all defensive, its aight. I like hearing you blab off about random stuff ion care about.”

You felt your face grow hot as you stifled a giggle that wanted to come out. “Thank you. I think I talk too much, but hey, can't really stop it y’know?” Angus nodded as he cracked 5 eggs into a pan. “You just be going off about stuff- actually you was sleep talking a little bit.”

Fuck.

“Yeah? What was I saying?” you asked innocently, hoping he didn't say what he was most definitely about to say.

“Well it was when you had that nightmare. Was the monster a cow or sum? Cuz you kept saying ‘Angus’ so like.” He turned to look at you “I figure it wasn’t me, but it was probably like...some beef monster.”

“Oh yeah, for sure a beef monster.”

“And that beef monster was eating you huh?”

You smoothly tucked your hair behind your ear and nodded with a sweet smile “Mhm.”

Angus gave you a quick up and down look before turning around and continuing to scramble the eggs. You had to change the current topic or you'd die of embarrassment, so you decided to bring up the topic of the show instead. “Do you know which scenes we’re filming tomorrow?”

“Yeah, no sex scenes until next week. Tomorrow they finna do you coming back and me reminiscing on the old times.”

“Okay cool. I have those lines down, pretty simple...” You mumbled.

“Yeah me too.”

A butcher knife couldn't even cut the tension in the room right now. Fuck, a chainsaw couldn't either.

“So like... I’m gonna go change and I'll be right back? Sound good?”

“You can wear summa my stuff. If you want- you don’t got to i'm just offering.”

“Oh that'd be great thanks! You know my trailer is just so far away!” You joked, knowing that it was only next door. You hopped off of the counter and followed him back into the room you two had just come out of.

“You just want one big shirt? Girls be doing that alot nowadays.”

“Yeah, thanks that'd be great...”

“So the biggest shirt I got got some barbecue stains on it- ignore it. I just went off on some spicy wings the other day-”

You burst out laughing and sat on the bed “Gus it’s fine, gimme!” You pulled your shirt off and held out your hands. He turned back around to find you only in your bra and shorts.

“Yooooo-”

“Its fine, we have to be completely naked with each other next week. Titties are just titties.” You took the shirt out of his hands and put it on. After pulling off the shorts that you wore underneath the shirt; that was more like a dress- and folding them, you walked back into the kitchen and reclaimed your spot on the counter.

“Well I know one problem we won't have!” You stated with a smirk.

“Yeah, and what's that?”

“Drake was worried you wouldn't be able to ‘get it up’...but honestly, I don’t think it'll be too hard.”

“Why you think that?”

“Look down.”

Sure, Angus wouldn't let you live down the wet dream you had about him for quite a while, but you'd never let him live down the boner he got- just from seeing you in a bra.

“So. Let's get to the real real.” Storm said pulling her knees up to her chest with a grin. “What the hell is going on with you and Angus?”

You, Storm and Daya were hanging in your trailer. You three were the only girls that didn't have scenes to film right now, Alexia, Barbie and the rest of the female cast were shooting night scenes. They had helped you set up the place to seem more homey, and now the newly formed trio you were a part of was in your bed with microwave popcorn, juicy juice, and twizzlers.

“Nothing Storm! Actually nothing I-”

“Nope, don't do that.” Z quickly cut you off. “Everyone can see it, it’s like what everyone on set talks about.”

“What?-”

“Plus, he talks about you too much, and you do the same with him! Earlier I said I wanted to pop some microwave popcorn and you started telling me about some conspiracy he told you about popcorn and microwaves, how they’re a secret way in for the government- like girl! Don't tell me you're so whipped that you're out here believing this stuff!”

“OKAY! Okay! I get it...look Gus is-”

“Gus?! You call him Gus?”

“Yeah?-”

“He literally hates that nickname with a passion. He gotta love you.” Storm chuckled grabbing a handful of popcorn.

“Okay well Angus is cute. He’s sweet and funny and caring- BUT. I won’t let anything happen between us, it’s like...business. This field is acting- and I don't think it would be good for us to do anything more, especially during filming.”

Z sighed. “Falling for your costars is weird.”

“Yeah.” Storm chimed in. “Our girl Daya been there and done that...but it never really affected her acting. She's so talented that she could keep it hidden off screen and focus on her character. I mean I know you talented Y/N...but you not my big sis like Z, so I don't really know how you'd be able to deal with it yet. Drake already seemed a bit iffy about it because he could tell you two had a little something going, but the thing comforting him is y'all are talented. So he knows you can do it- I know you can too.”

“Yeah he sent us a letter about it...it's just hard. I can't lose this role, I've come so far.”

“I don't think you’ll lose it. I think you'll be fine. Just keep a business mindset when on set. What goes on off screen and behind closed doors is your business, girl. Drake or nobody can stop that- Jesus can't even stop that!”

You and Storm giggled at Zendaya’s last comment. “Yeah yeah yeah...okay I get it guys. I got this- period.”

“Period.”

“Period...So were you one of those girls that watched all the Fez scene compilations on Youtube and drooled?” Storm teased you.

“No!” You said firmly, knowing you were lying.

“Oh she definitely was.”

“I wasn't!”

“I just don't see it! Angus is just not attractive to me, he looks like one of those guys that stop you at the gas station with a ghetto ass group of friends- he rubs his hands together and then screams ‘Hey baby lemme get yo numbaaaa!!!!’“

In response, you practically fell over laughing “Stoppp no!”

The rest of the night was filled with giggles and whispers, and by 1 AM, you, Z, and Storm were all huddled up in your little twin trailer bed. They snored softly but you couldn't seem to sleep. Just as you were .1 seconds away from drifting off, your phone buzzed next to you.

Angus☁️: u uppppp

-oh wow yeah that's not the most fboy thing ever to send at 1:27 am

Angus☁️: see all you had to say was yes you didn't have to do allat

-can i help you mr cloud

Angus☁️: what typa help you offering?

-whatever help you need.

Angus☁️: you finna have some more beef dreams tonight?

-you finna get a boner if you see me in my bra again?

Angus☁️: maybe.

-then i'll say maybe too.

Angus☁️: you're too much

-i know i am, did you film today?

Angus☁️: ye i had some scenes wit jacob

-wit

Angus☁️: leave me alone

-you texted me

-and wow you sound really mature rn not at all like a five year old

Angus☁️: if i was w you rn id make you regret that

-was that supposed to be a threat or a way to try to make me sext

Angus☁️: both

-you should go text all the hoes you have waiting for you at home

Angus☁️: im texting them at the same time

-boy...

Angus☁️: im plAyin

Angus☁️: only you :)

-getting soft???

Angus☁️: no and i wish this was instagram dms so i could unsend it fuck

-fuck

Angus☁️: thats another thing you was saying during your ‘nightmare’

-STOP NO I WAS NOT

Angus☁️: yeah i know you wasnt lmao i just like messing w you

-you can mess w me whenever you want to

Angus☁️: oh bet????

-goodnight angus

Angus☁️: nah i want you to tell me about me messing w you

Angus☁️: damn you really left

Angus☁️: thats wrong

Angus☁️: doing me dirty

-GTS MY PHONE KEEPS GOING OFF

Angus☁️: then put it on silent?

-NO

Angus☁️: ill stop being annoying if you come over here

-i cant, im w z and storm too

Angus☁️: shit okay well it was worth a shot

-why, what was you planning to do

Angus☁️: cuddle

-its fr time for you to go bed, i think your sleepiness is making you too soft and taking the hood away

Angus☁️: goodnight

-goodnight

Angus☁️: gn

-gn

Angus☁️: night

-night

Angus☁️: GOODNIGHT

-OKAY GN

Angus☁️: STOP REPLYING

Angus☁️: night

taglist:

@nikkixostan @melaninmarvel @celiajrs @siriuslycollins

#euphoria #angus cloud #fez euphoria #fezco euphoria #hbo euphoria #angus cloud fic #fezco imagine #fezco x reader #fezco fluff #fezco fic

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artificialqueens · 6 years ago

Text

Feelings On Safety (Part 2) (Branjie)- Ortega

a/n: i actually wrote a part 2 to Your Move??? who is she??? i loved the verse i made for these two a lot so when people wanted more i did not at all mind writing it. thank u all for the amazing response to Your Move and i hope u like this as much as u did the first part!!! i feel like u benefit from reading Your Move first but i guess this could be read standalone too?? idk do what u like (Title from Trip by Ella Mai. i listened to so so much Ella Mai writing all this i’m so in my feelings rn)

Summary: Brooke is not falling for her secretary, despite what Detox is telling her. She only wants to be with her every hour of the day, treat her to nice things, make her laugh and maybe sort of make her her girlfriend. Shit, maybe Detox is right after all.

***

Brooke was fucked. Both physically and mentally.

She hadn’t really known when sleeping with Vanessa had become such a regular thing- after the first time she’d felt awkward, she hadn’t known how to play it, and she hadn’t known how Vanessa had felt about things so instead of asking her like a normal human being, Brooke had avoided her instead. That was until around five days later when Vanessa basically locked them both in her office and demanded to know why she was getting avoided as if she had herpes or something, and Brooke stuttered everything out in a completely flustered and very un-Brooke way. Vanessa had watched with a slightly open mouth and a surprised sense of amusement until Brooke was finished verbalising all that she’d been worrying about, and then she’d crossed around to behind Brooke’s desk, sitting on her lap gently and bringing every searing hot memory to the forefront of Brooke’s head.

“Look,” Vanessa had said matter-of-factly, bringing her hands up to cup Brooke’s jaw so that she had no choice but to lock eyes with her. “Did you like fuckin’ me?”

“Oh God,” Brooke had looked away in embarrassment and laughed. “Vanessa, it’s 9.15.”

“Bitch, just answer the question! Did you like it when I let you pin me to the ground and ride my face? Did you like bending me over your desk and spanking and fingering me?”

“Oh Jesus,” Brooke exhaled. She’d missed hearing Vanessa talk like that, her voice all low and sultry and answering her own question for her. “Fuck yes, I liked it.”

Vanessa had smiled. “Do you want to do it again?”

Brooke remembers darting her eyes from Vanessa’s own quickly down to her red painted lips and back up again. She had nodded once, and Vanessa had leaned in and pressed a small kiss to her lips.

“So that’s all that matters. You liked it, I liked it. We both want round two. We know where we both are now so why are we puttin’ up a front about it?”

And after that Brooke had put her arms around Vanessa and pulled her close, kissing her all needy and desperate, and Brooke hadn’t known what she’d been worrying about at all. That had been the second time, and since then there’d been a third and a fourth and a fifth, until Brooke had very nearly lost count. She knew they’d been at it for about a month, which was probably a long time, but for Brooke it had gone by quicker than anything.

But there was only so much sex you could have with somebody before you started developing feelings, and Brooke knew that. If she was being honest, she’d been feeling things that were more than lust for her for quite a while now, and Brooke didn’t really know what to do. Every time Brooke deadpanned something sarcastic about a client she felt a sense of achievement whenever Vanessa laughed, crinkling up her nose and flashing her bright white teeth. Or after they were finished and they were both lying on the rug exhausted, Brooke remembers the first time that Vanessa rolled over, put her head on Brooke’s chest and threw an arm around her waist, and Brooke’s heart had felt like a bubble that was seconds away from popping. The trouble was, how did she breach that topic with Vanessa?

Brooke decided to start small. It was a Friday, and everyone in the office was in a good mood. The week had seemed long, and everyone was excited to go home. Lots of people were leaving early, so when Vanessa bounded into Brooke’s office at half past four, she was excited.

“I think we could be in luck tonight, Ms. Brooke,” she beamed, Brooke wanting to laugh at the now-unnecessary formality. “This place is gonna be dead by quarter to five, and then it’s gonna be just us!”

Brooke smiled at her from her position at her filing cabinet where she’d been putting cases away, her heart lifting at the little phrase Vanessa had used at the end which made her happier than the other girl would know. Still, part of her was scared for what she was going to propose. “Yeah, I wanted to talk about that, actually-”

“Oh. Okay,” Vanessa’s face dropped, her body language instantly disappointed. She gave a sad smile. “You wanna stop all of this, huh?”

“Oh, fuck no!” Brooke replied instantly, the other girl looking so defeated that Brooke wanted to wrap her up in a hug. She was so pleased when Vanessa perked up again, her expression turning happy and curious all at once. Brooke grew nervous. “I just thought…you know, there’s only so much comfort that my office can actually provide. And my flat has like…soft furnishings and stuff.”

Vanessa burst out in a laugh that ripped through the room. “Soft furnishings, bitch what the fuck?! Just say bed. Or couch. Who d’ya think you’re talking with, the queen of fuckin’ England?”

“Definitely not,” Brooke raised an eyebrow. She let the filing cabinet drawer roll shut as she crossed over to where Vanessa had taken a seat. She was still giggling. “Hey. Stop laughing at me, bitch.”

Vanessa bit her lip, trying to hide her smirk. “Or what? You gon’ shut me up?”

Brooke felt like a spring that was beginning to be slowly wound up. She loved what Vanessa could do to her in just a few words. “That mouth’s going to be busy doing something else if you don’t watch it.”

“Like what, eatin’ that pussy out?”

Brooke threw her head back and gave a soft laugh, her hands playing with the hem of her skirt impatiently. “Fuck, there’s never any nuance with you, is there?”

Vanessa ran her tongue along her teeth and smiled as she shook her head. Brooke sighed needily. “Mm, I can’t wait.”

Vanessa frowned in mock-disapproval, tutting gently. “You’re whinier than I am today, Mami.”

“Fuck, stop it. You know what that does to me,” Brooke moaned. She really desperately wanted Vanessa- the week had been long and she’d been too caught up in her caseload to do anything with her- but she also wanted to have her back to her flat, so she decided to gently ask Vanessa again. “So uh…would you want to come round to mine? You know, just so we have a bed.”

Her heart felt like it was in her mouth as Vanessa smirked quietly back at her. She waited for the inevitable rejection, the narrowed eyes and the questioning why, but none of those came. Instead, the smirk broke into a smile and Vanessa shrugged. “Sure. I’d like that.”

Brooke felt a tidal wave of relief wash over her. It was only a small step forward, but they weren’t going to go from casual sex to in love in the space of one conversation. “Amazing. Give me five minutes to finish up here, then we can go.”

So that was how Brooke ended up driving Vanessa back to her apartment, a nervous flutter in her chest as Vanessa sang softly along to whatever was on the radio. They talked easily with each other about little things, Brooke telling Vanessa about her clients and Vanessa laughing, or gasping in shock, or ranting about how much of a cunt somebody was. Brooke was happy that Vanessa didn’t mind her venting, and she hadn’t realised she was still talking until she had walked out the elevator and reached her own front door.

“Sorry,” she said, self-conscious. “I hadn’t realised I’d been ranting so much.”

Vanessa frowned. “Don’t apologise. It’s important to you.”

Brooke’s heart felt all warm and glowing as they shared a smile, only breaking it when she pushed down on the handle and was met by a deafening series of beeping noises that cut through the moment.

“Fuck, what is that?!” Vanessa yelled, holding her ears comically. Brooke hissed as she dashed inside, stabbing at the security system she’d still not managed to get the hang of yet.

“Shit, sorry, sorry, sorry,” she said anxiously, growing frustrated as she pressed button after button with her long talons. “Come on, fuck.”

“Bitch can you hurry it up a little? It ain’t playin’ one of Beethoven’s sympathies, get it movin’!”

Finally, mercifully, Brooke keyed in four numbers and the racket stopped. Registering what Vanessa had said, she turned and smiled at her affectionately. “Symphonies.”

Vanessa looked confused. “What did I say?”

“Sympathies.”

The other girl snorted, shaking her head. “Fuck. Well, are you gonna invite me in?”

The nerves flaring up again, Brooke gestured for her to come inside and watched as Vanessa stepped in, her heels clacking softly against the black marble floor and her eyes wide as they darted about and took everything in. For Brooke it was just where she lived, but she felt suddenly embarrassed at the opulence of everything around her. For Brooke, it had been for convenience’s sake- she hadn’t had the time to sit and work out where to pick up furniture or flooring or wallpaper for her new place so she’d hired an interior designer to do it all for her. It was all marble and dark wood panels and white fluffy throws and rugs, and Vanessa walked down the hallway slowly, as if she was dreaming. She stopped as she came to the living room, and Brooke followed behind her anxiously, wondering if she’d made a mistake bringing Vanessa here.

Brooke watched as Vanessa walked past the two white couches, the tall, dark wood bookcase and the coal fire, and stood at the huge floor-to-ceiling windows with wide eyes, taking everything in. She finally turned around and smiled softly at Brooke.

“Wow. So this is like my Julia Roberts Pretty Woman moment, right?” she laughed gently, visibly overwhelmed.

“Sorry,” Brooke said, without really knowing what she was apologising for. Vanessa cocked her head inquisitively like a little bird, giving a laugh.

“Why? It’s beautiful. Don’t go all coy on me now, Ms. Brooke,” she smiled, shrugging off her pink fake fur coat. For a second she looked awkward as if she didn’t know where to put it, and so Brooke crossed the floor and took it from her gently.

“I like this, by the way,” Brooke said thoughtfully, stroking the material on the outside. It made Vanessa look like a cute little Barbie doll, which she loved. Vanessa smiled shyly.

“It’s probably not…I don’t know…the standard you would buy.”

Brooke rolled her eyes and snorted. “Vanessa, I can’t even remember the last time I bought myself new clothes.”

Vanessa smiled, taking two steps towards Brooke and standing on tiptoe slightly as she leaned into the other woman. “Hmm. I think you look better without any on, anyway.”

Brooke gave a little murmur, draping Vanessa’s coat over the headboard of her couch before turning back to her. “You think that’s when I look best, yeah?”

“No, you look best when you’re naked and on top of me,” Vanessa purred, smiling naughtily before leaning in to kiss Brooke lightly once, twice, then deeply with her hands tangled in Brooke’s hair as Brooke eventually pulled away and led her to her bedroom, her heart pounding in her chest.

The sex had once again been amazing, minute after minute of complete unfiltered lust, and Brooke decided that inviting Vanessa back had been the best decision she’d ever made in her life. As her afterglow hit, she turned and threw her arm over Vanessa who rolled over, smiled, and laced her fingers with hers in a surprisingly intimate gesture that made Brooke’s heart melt.

“That was fun,” Vanessa said, her voice even more gravelly than usual. “You gon’ tell me how a well-educated Harvard grad learns to talk so nasty? Or is that part of the curriculum?”

“Oh, stop it,” Brooke rolled her eyes, reaching back and hitting Vanessa with a pillow in embarrassment. The other girl laughed loudly as she curled herself up into a ball, Brooke thumping her a couple more times before her arm got tired and she threw the pillow away in exhaustion. As her laughter died down, Vanessa gave a sort of contented sigh before she sat up in bed.

“Well, as amazing as that was…I guess I’d better leave now,” she shrugged a little, peering down the side of Brooke’s bed and quickly pulling her underwear on. Confused and a little sleepy, Brooke sat up.

“Oh no, I mean…don’t feel like you have to leave,” she stammered out slightly, wanting to hit herself for how pathetic and needy she sounded. Her worst fears came true as Vanessa smiled at her sadly.

“No, it’s okay, honestly. Thank you for having me round your lovely home,” she said quietly, the humble tone in her voice making Brooke want to scoop her up, take her in her arms and never let go of her. Brooke watched as Vanessa left for a moment and returned with her coat and her heels back on. She awkwardly stuck her head back in the door and gave a little wave.

“Bye, Brooke,” she said quickly, before ducking back out of the doorframe and walking back down the hall, where the front door clicked softly shut behind her.

Brooke. Not with a Ms. attached to it, not a ma’am, not anything else. Just her name on Vanessa’s lips, and even though the day hadn’t ended like Brooke had hoped, this had to be a good sign, surely?

***

On Monday morning, before work, Brooke went to Michael Kors and dropped $425 on a pink, faux fur coat without even so much as batting an eye. In any normal, rational situation, and if the coat had been for her, Brooke would have agonised over the decision for ages- would she get enough wear out of it, was it really worth it, did she have one like it already- but since it was for Vanessa, Brooke made the entire transaction as if she was under a spell. That was kind of how she felt whenever she was with Vanessa, or even thinking about her- enchanted, entranced, and completely and utterly irrational.

As she arrived at work, she had already planned how she was going to pitch things to Vanessa. Of course she’d bought the coat just for her, but that was going to seem fucking weird if she admitted it, especially when she didn’t even know if Vanessa had feelings for her or not yet. So as she walked towards her office and Vanessa’s desk, she slipped the box that the coat came in into an old, battered plastic bag and rehearsed what she would say in her head.

Vanessa spoke first, her eyes lighting up as she saw Brooke. “Hey! Morning, Ms. Brooke. How are you?”

“I’m good. How are you? Did you get home okay on Friday?”

“Mhm. Slept so good afterwards as well,” Vanessa smiled lazily, stretching up to the ceiling. Brooke self-indulgently allowed herself to imagine waking up next to Vanessa on a rainy day and getting to hold her close and make her coffee and bring her breakfast. Fuck, now she was getting delusional. Completely smitten, Brooke put the bag on top of Vanessa’s desk as she spoke.

“Before I forget- remember the other night when we were talking about that coat you have? Well, I was just going through my closet this morning when I remembered, I actually do have one exactly like it,” she said, trying to keep her tone nonchalant and avoid Vanessa’s eyes as she slipped the bag off the box. “It got me thinking- I never actually wear it, and it’s still got all the tags on, so I thought you might get more wear out of it than I do.”

Brooke finally looked at the other girl, who had opened the box and was gazing at what was inside with her mouth slightly open and her eyes wide. Brooke watched as Vanessa lifted the coat up to see it and then put it back down, running her fingers over the fur in disbelief. Vanessa picked out the tags against the label and frowned as she looked at them.

“Brooke,” she began, and Brooke’s heart jumped as she heard her name with nothing attached to it again. “This is Michael Kors.”

“Yeah?”

Vanessa frowned at her. “Well like…how much do you want for it? Because I don’t even know if I could stretch to two hundred this month, I got my phone bill coming soon and it’s already, like-”

“Vanessa,” Brooke interrupted, smiling and trying to hide her nerves. “You don’t…you don’t have to…uh. Just take it.”

Vanessa burst out a laugh, then screwed her face up as she looked at Brooke. “Wait. You’re serious, aren’t you?”

Brooke was now so nervous that she didn’t trust herself to speak, so she just nodded. In haste, she added, “I mean, if you don’t like it I can just give it to charity, or sell it on Craigslist or…whatever.”

Vanessa smiled at Brooke as if she was an idiot. “Sell it on Craigslist, oh my fuckin’ God. I mean, no, I love it. If you’re sure I can just…take it?”

Brooke nodded shyly again. Vanessa gave a little exhale, raising her eyebrows. Finally, she looked up at Brooke and smiled. “Thank you so much, Ms. Brooke. I mean it. That’s real sweet of you.”

“Oh no, don’t worry about it! As I say, I didn’t get much use out of it anyway,” Brooke smiled back, so happy her gift had been well received. She awkwardly shifted her weight from one foot to the other. “I guess I’d better get to work. But, uh, hey. Do you want to come round again tonight?”

“I can’t tonight, I’m getting my nails did,” Vanessa pouted. “Can we do tomorrow?”

“Sounds good. See you later,” Brooke gave a little wave and disappeared into her office. Sitting at her desk, she smiled as she watched Vanessa take the coat out of the box again, smile, hug it to her chest, and drape it over the back of her chair. Brooke didn’t have long to bask in her satisfaction- she had a firm meeting this morning and she needed to gather what she needed for that, but she couldn’t help looking at Vanessa through the blinds and allowing her heart to swell up, wondering if Vanessa’s was too.

Her contentedness lasted all of about ten minutes when Detox came barging through her office door and practically launched herself into the chair opposite Brooke before she could say “Hey, girl”.

“Okay, spill,” she suddenly said, Brooke’s heart giving a small jump but keeping herself cool.

“On aisle three? What the hell are you talking about, girl?” Brooke shook her head, clicking at something on her laptop and avoiding her friend’s gaze. She could hear Detox’s voice- faux-inquisitive, as if she already had all the answers.

“I just think it’s funny how your secretary is out there with a new coat. Never seen her wear it before. Obviously looks very expensive. Did she, I don’t know…come into some money, or something?”

“Fuck would I know, why are you asking me?” Brooke kept her tone detached, although a sense of dread was beginning to creep up on her. She finally looked at Detox, who had the biggest, largest, shit-eating grin on her face.

“Well, I don’t know, I thought you might know a little bit about it since, when I complimented her on it out there, she told me it was you that gave it to her.”

“Yeah, and what? It was an old coat, I never wear it, I gave it to her because she has one similar,” Brooke brushed her off, getting up to file something away.

“An old coat? How old was it, ten fuckin’ minutes? Because I know,” Brooke turned around to look at her friend, who had narrowed her eyes at her. “that that coat is from the current Michael Kors Spring/Summer collection, which only arrived in stores yesterday.”

Brooke’s mouth suddenly felt very dry. She said nothing as Detox paused, then carried on. “Now, I’m just wondering, Brooke…why would a lawyer buy her secretary a brand new five hundred dollar coat? And I’ve been going over it and over it in my mind and the only possible conclusion I can come to…is that you’re pussy whipped.”

Brooke looked at her friend, blinked, then frowned. “It was $425, actually.”

“You SON OF A BITCH-” Detox screamed, laughing as Brooke rushed across the room to shush her. “You are! You actually are, aren’t you? Oh my FUCKING God, this is the best day of my life. This is the greatest thing to ever happen to me. Brooke Lynn Hytes is fucking her secretary. Oh my God.”

“Shut up, Jesus. It’s not a big deal.”

“NOT A BIG DEAL?! Oh my fuck- now, we can’t be talking a one-time thing, B, not if you’re buying her gifts and shit. How long?” Detox asked her excitedly, her eyes sparkling.

“I don’t know, like a month?”

“A FUCKING MONTH!” Detox screeched again, Brooke terrified that she would have the whole floor outside their door in a matter of minutes.

“D, you cannot tell anybody, I swear to God,” Brooke hissed, agonised.

“Why not, bitch? It’s not illegal. You’re not gonna get fired. We all know Frank from accounts has been having an affair with Ariel, jeez. That’s far worse.”

“Yeah, but…” Brooke frowned, trying to verbalise her feelings and realising they made her sound pathetic. She sighed deeply before she spoke. “If this gets around the office, then it’s just going to seem really seedy and weird and..I don’t want Vanessa to get embarrassed and to think she’s some cheap fucking Bratz doll because she’s actually a really fucking beautiful person and I…I really don’t want to fuck things up with her, okay?”

Brooke blushed as Detox laughed and grabbed her hand. “Aww, that is adorable. Fuck, it just gets better. Not only is Brooke Lynn Hytes fucking her secretary, not only is she a fucking Sugar Mommy to her secretary, but she is actually falling in love with her secretary. Jesus fuck, this is going to be the hardest secret to keep since I found out Paul hires hookers every Saturday.”

“I am not her fucking Sugar Mama, I got her one gift. Jesus Christ, D,” Brooke rolled her eyes as she grabbed her briefcase and made for the door. Stopping, she turned around. “Wait, what was that about Paul?”

Lying in bed that night, she felt as if her heart was never going to stop beating as fast as it did whenever she thought about Vanessa. Detox was being a dick- she wasn’t falling in love with her, that was dumb, they barely knew each other- but she desperately wanted to make things work with the girl. Still unable to stop thinking about her, Brooke rolled over in bed (which she hadn’t yet changed the covers of and never really wanted to), grabbed her phone from its charger, then typed a text to Vanessa without even thinking.

B: Hope you had a good day today. Sorry I never got to talk much :( Glad you liked the coat x

Within a few minutes there was a reply, Brooke smiling without even realising at the knowledge that Vanessa was up late too, and she couldn’t help but wonder if she was up thinking about her.

V: my day was great thanks for asking!!! dont worry we can talk loads tomorrow night xo im actually wearing the coat right now if u wanna see xo

Brooke bit her lip as she threw one leg over the other and rolled over in bed, hoping this conversation was about to go the way she thought it was going. She texted Vanessa a simple yes and waited impatiently as she rubbed her thighs together, her heart leaping as a photo came almost instantly. As Brooke opened the message, she moaned as the picture filled the screen of Vanessa lying on top of her bed with the coat on but clearly nothing else, her golden hair fanned out on the pillow, and her perfect legs stretched out so that Brooke could see she’d kept her heels on.

B: Fuck, this is how I want you tomorrow night

V: okay Mami xo

“Jesus,” Brooke breathed, teasing herself with her fingers as she stared at the picture and thought about her reply. Suddenly, another message came through.

V: are u touching yourself right now Brooke xo

There was her fucking name again, typed out and on the screen in front of her, and in that moment it was the sexiest thing she’d ever been sent.

B: You know I am

V: well stop. ur not allowed to until u see me tomorrow xo

Brooke frowned.

B: Is that a joke?

V: i’m not playing, baby xo

“Oh, fuck this,” Brooke hissed, frustrated and defiantly moving her fingers underneath the silk of her pyjamas as she looked up Vanessa’s name in her contacts and phoned her.

The bitch had the audacity to pick up after four rings. “Hi, Mami.”

“What the hell are you playing at, you fucking tease, sending me that and telling me I’m not allowed to get off to it?” she hissed, her breathing all jagged as she felt how wet she was.

Vanessa’s tone came down the line all playful and mocking. “Is that any way to speak to your baby, Ms. Brooke?”

Brooke felt as if she was slowly melting with every word Vanessa spoke. She felt herself whine down the phone. “No, but it’s not fair. I mean, are you touching yourself?”

“Fuck yeah, I’m touching myself, imaginin’ you all hot and wet and frustrated and not bein’ able to have my tongue on you until tomorrow.” Vanessa’s voice was all breathy down the line, the end of her sentence punctuated by a little gasp that made Brooke buck her hips and moan suddenly. Vanessa’s voice came back down the line, stern. “I can hear you touching yourself, you fuckin’ whore. Tell me how wet you are.”

“Fuck, so wet, Mami,” Brooke gasped, shocking herself a little as she used that name she’d thought Vanessa had just reserved for her. She didn’t really know how Vanessa would react to it. If it was anything like the effect it had on her, then Brooke was about to use it a whole lot more often. She was rewarded with a breathy giggle and a sigh down the line.

“Be a good girl and take your hand out your pants.”

Brooke felt herself let out a pathetic sob as she wrenched her hand away. She didn’t know whether she would kiss Vanessa tomorrow or kill her. “Vanessa you drop this act and let me cum right now or I swear to God I’ll spank you so hard tomorrow you won’t be able to sit right for a month.”

Brooke heard Vanessa laugh down the phone. “Fuck, Mami, you know I like it when you talk to me like that.”

Brooke whined, guiltily trailing her hand back down between her thighs. Vanessa’s voice came sharp down the line.

“Brooke, you keep on touchin’ yourself like that and that picture is the only thing you’re gettin’ from me for the next week, and I’m serious,” Vanessa growled, Brooke rolling over helplessly in bed as she finally understood why Vanessa liked her speaking to her all authoritatively, and not being able to touch herself was pure torture.

“Fuck, you’re such a bitch,” she whined, tearing a hand through her hair as Vanessa laughed.

“Stop whinin’ and tell me how much you want me.”

“I want you so bad, Vanessa,” Brooke breathed, her heart feeling like it was about to give out.

“Tell me how much you’re going to punish me tomorrow for doin’ you like this.”

Brooke’s mind felt it was short-circuiting as she spoke, unsure if anything she was saying was making any sense. “I’m not even going to touch you. You’re going to have to fuck me and eat me out and make me cum hard, and I swear to God, Vanessa, it better be the best orgasm I’ve ever had in my fucking life or you’re getting put in my car and dropped off home, all dripping wet like a bad, dirty little slut, and you’re going to have to deal with what I did to you on your own.”

“Fuck, baby,” Vanessa’s voice was hot and urgent down the line, and with a pang of jealousy Brooke could tell she was close. A small, evil little part of her realised she held a lot of power in this moment. She deliberately yawned slowly and affected tiredness in her voice.

“You know what, actually, it’s getting pretty late…I should probably hang up-”

“Oh fuck, no, no, no-”

“Beg me.”

“Ay, fuck, pretty please Mami, please, please, por favor, Mami, me lo merezco, please-”

As Vanessa descended into desperate, feverish Spanish, Brooke cut off the call with a delicious sense of satisfaction. Returning her phone to its charger and jumping out of bed to take a freezing cold shower before she went to sleep, she decided that those $425 had been worth every penny.

***

The marble floor was freezing under Brooke’s bare feet as she carried two glasses of icy water through to the bedroom. The shock of going from the boiling hot bed into the chill of her flat had sobered Brooke up a little, and previously she’d been drunk on lust and a little bit of something that could be more. When her feet hit the soft cream carpet it was a welcome relief, and she quickly padded back over to the bed to where Vanessa lay staring, unblinking, at the ceiling as if she was under a spell.

“Here,” Brooke said gently, as she slipped under the covers and handed Vanessa one of the glasses. The other girl stirred a little, sitting up and fluffing a couple of pillows as she gratefully took one of the glasses and drank a huge gulp of water.

“Fuck. Don’t think I’ll need to go to the gym tonight after that,” she laughed quietly, moving to place the glass down on Brooke’s bedside table then stopping suddenly, her eyes darting around. Brooke suddenly realised what it was she was looking for and laughed.

“Don’t worry about coasters, just put the damn thing down.”

Doing as she was told, Vanessa put the glass down and then sank back under the covers, the two of them laying there silently for a moment. Brooke wanted so much to reach out and take Vanessa’s hand, but she also didn’t want to move unless the whole moment was a dream. Suddenly, she became aware that Vanessa had said something and was looking at Brooke for a reaction. Her face was calm and serene, and it made Brooke wish she had heard her the first time.

“What?”

Her heart fell as Vanessa looked down sheepishly, a light blush hitting her cheeks. “Nothing. Don’t worry ‘bout it.”

Brooke could have pushed her for an answer, but something made her decide against it. Instead, she decided to take another leap. “Hey. You want to order food?”

Vanessa perked up and smiled, nodding enthusiastically.

“Can we get a big fuckin’ messy burrito? Aw wait,” she frowned, glancing at the huge marble clock built into the wall. She turned to Brooke and shrugged. “I should probably get goin’, huh.”

Brooke bit her lip. “You could, or…you could just stay here.”

Vanessa turned to Brooke and looked a little disbelieving. “Really?”

Brooke shrugged and nodded, wanting with every fibre of her being to stay chilled out and neutral despite the fact all of her was screaming silently for Vanessa to say yes. Vanessa smiled gently, reaching across the bed and resting her hand on top of Brooke’s. “That would be nice.”

That night, they hardly moved from the bed. They ordered burritos, like Vanessa had wanted, and watched whatever film had been on TV at the time, talking about little details of their lives that neither of them had known about the other before. When it got to midnight, Brooke realised they had said they would go to sleep an hour ago, but neither of them had been able to keep that promise, too intent on staying up and talking or kissing each other with every lull in conversation. When she saw the time, Brooke sighed in the darkness, pulling Vanessa in close to her.

“We should go to sleep, baby,” she yawned, kissing Vanessa’s neck lightly and wishing that time could stand still. Vanessa squirmed a little in Brooke’s arms as she got comfortable and swept her hair over her shoulder.

“Brooke, I meant to ask,” Vanessa murmured sleepily, and Brooke felt the sudden question make her hang by a thread. “Are we, uh…I mean. Are you thinking we should be exclusive or nah?”

Brooke suddenly tensed up, and she felt Vanessa grow tense underneath her as well. Why was she asking that? Did she want to be exclusive? Is that what she was asking? Or was she afraid of it, only asking when the lights were off and when Brooke couldn’t see her face or her reaction? She gave her another option too- or nah, giving herself an easy out. As Brooke frantically thought about it more and more in the seconds that followed Vanessa’s question, she had managed to completely convince herself that Vanessa absolutely hated the idea of a relationship with her and slightly breaking her own heart in the process.

“Brooke?”

Brooke swallowed. “Uh, no, I mean…we don’t have to be, I mean let’s not put a label on it. Go out with whoever you want, you know. That kind of thing doesn’t bother me, I’m not a jealous kind of person.”

She didn’t know if she’d imagined it, but she felt like Vanessa relaxed in her arms. It felt like a stab to the gut.

***

The plus side to Vanessa staying over was that she had to borrow some of Brooke’s work clothes for the next day, and seeing Vanessa in her own navy pant suit had made Brooke want to immediately tear it off her again. They’d talked and laughed on the way into work as they usually did, Brooke trying to ignore the nagging feeling in her stomach that she’d made a terrible mistake not immediately seizing the chance to make her her girlfriend.

The down side to Vanessa staying over and wearing Brooke’s pant suit was that Detox crashed through her office door around fifteen minutes after she arrived at work, excitedly pointing out to where Vanessa sat on the phone, oblivious.

“WHY is your secretary wearing your clothes?” Detox whisper-screamed, launching herself forward to grip Brooke’s arm.

“Oh, fuck off, D, are you really going to make me say it?”

“Fuck yes I am!”

Brooke rolled her eyes. “Vanessa is wearing my clothes because she stayed over last night, Detox.”

“Fuck me with a baguette, this is the best day ever and it’s only 9.15,” Detox sighed, crashing down into Brooke’s chair as she watched her busy herself around the office. “So when are you asking her on a proper date?”

“Do you not have a caseload to be working on, or am I the only one around here that gets shit done?” Brooke scowled, not in any way in the mood for talking about her and Vanessa considering she’d just blown the whole thing.

“Excuse me, I finished all my cases last week! My new client doesn’t get here til 10. Jeez, what’s got you so touchy?”

Brooke sighed, slamming a huge lever-arch folder into a bookcase. “Vanessa asked me if we should be exclusive last night and I said no.”

“You absolute fucking grade A idiot,” Detox frowned, fixing Brooke with a look of disapproval. “What the hell did you do that for?”

“I don’t know!” Brooke exhaled loudly, tearing a hand through her hair. “It sounded like she was asking me because she didn’t want to be like that with me. So I panicked. I wanted to reassure her.”

“But fuck what you want, right? Look, Brooke, I haven’t seen you this happy since…well, maybe ever. And I also know that you don’t give up easy. At least, you normally don’t, but right now you’re like a kitten in a sock on a freeway and you’ve just accepted your fate.”

“Okay, what’s your advice, Dr fucking Phil?” Brooke raised an eyebrow at her.

“Exclusivity doesn’t matter at this stage, right? I mean, you’ve not even been on a date. So, that’s what you should do.”

“What, ask her on a date?”

“No, yeet yourself off Brooklyn Bridge in a pair of Heelys, fuck yes ask her on a date!” Detox became impassioned, slamming Brooke’s desk and quickly shutting herself up as her eyes darted to the door. Brooke’s heart stopped as Vanessa came in, smiling apologetically and holding a small sticky note.

“Sorry to interrupt- hi, Ms. Detox,” she said softly. “Mr. Blake phoned to cancel his appointment today, he’s got shingles.”

“Hah! Shingles. Is that what they’re calling a hangover these days,” Detox piped up. Vanessa smiled politely then carried on.

“I also wanted to ask, Ms. Brooke, am I able to leave early next Monday night? Like half an hour or so,” Vanessa asked her, darting her eyes to Detox as if she was wishing she wasn’t there.

“Uh, that’s fine, yeah,” Brooke shrugged, distracted by everything going on in her head. “What for?”

Vanessa looked startled, as if the question had been unexpected. “Oh, uh…just a doctor’s appointment, you know.”

“BULLSHIT!” Detox suddenly exploded, scaring them both. “All the doctor’s surgeries close at 4, so leaving at half 4 wouldn’t get you shit. Half 4 is like, prime nail and hair appointment times. The question is…who are you getting your hair and nails done for, Vanessa?”

Brooke narrowed her eyes at her friend as she watched Vanessa laugh awkwardly and blush. “Detox, for fuck’s sake. She doesn’t have to tell you-”

“I’m going on a date, actually,” Vanessa said casually, making Brooke’s whole world stop, freeze and shatter like ice. She was aware Vanessa was looking at her to gauge her reaction, and Brooke was trying her best not to look horrified, but she was aware she probably wasn’t doing a very good job of it.

“Oh. Cool! No, that’s…that’s fine. And I mean, it’s none of my business anyway, so-”

“That’s such a coincidence actually, because Brooke was just about to ask you something!” Detox smiled at Vanessa, then turned her head to look at Brooke patiently.

Brooke was going to slap the bitch. She fixed a fake smile to her face. “Gee, well, I would, Detox, but there’s a loud, obnoxious, LA whore in my office.”

Finally, mercifully, Detox smiled wickedly and slinked away out of the room, making sure to shut the door before retreating back down the corridor. It left the two of them alone together- Vanessa standing opposite Brooke, still gazing at her with interest.

“So, uh, what was that thing you were gonna ask me?” Vanessa scratched the back of her neck and looked to the floor, as if she was embarrassed.

“Well, uh,” Brooke started, equally as embarrassed but aware that she needed to find something to say. “I was, um. Going to ask you out too.”

Brooke’s heart gave a jump as she saw Vanessa’s face brighten up in surprise. “Oh!”

“Yeah, but, uh, you know, no big deal if you’re already going out with this other girl or guy or…whatever,” Brooke stammered her way through her sentence and watched as Vanessa’s smile grew bigger and bigger.

She laughed softly. “He’s a guy. His name is Nate.”

Brooke had to stop herself from rolling her eyes. Of course it fucking is. Breathing deeply, she shrugged and moved to sit behind her desk. “Cool. Like I say, it doesn’t matter if you’re already going out with him.”

“No, it’s okay. I mean, I can go out with you and I can go out with him. And I mean, it’s not as if you get jealous, right?” Vanessa commented offhandedly, a little sparkle in her eye sending a sudden flood of tension through the room, and Brooke wasn’t giving in to whatever Vanessa was doing.

“Exactly, yeah. So, uh, is that…”

Vanessa broke into a smile. “It’s a yes. I would like to go on a date with you.”

Brooke tried and failed to bite back a smile which burst out over her face. “Amazing! I mean, fine, yeah. It’s just casual, really, isn’t it?”

“It’s whatever you want it to be,” Vanessa instantly replied. Fuck, how was she so good with her words when Brooke felt like a melted puddle on the floor?

“Can we say, um…” Brooke pretended to look at the diary which she knew was empty. “Friday night?”

“Friday night is good,” Vanessa smiled, biting her lip.

“Good.”

“Good,” Vanessa replied, smiling and locking eyes with her before looking out to her desk where the phone was ringing. “I should go-”

“Yeah, sure,” Brooke nodded frantically, as Vanessa flashed her one last smile and rushed back out to her seat. Brooke hadn’t quite known what had just happened. There were so many things she was feeling, and they weren’t all positive (who the fuck walks around in this day and fucking age with a name like Nate) but she found her heart soaring as one main thought stuck in her mind.

I asked Vanessa on a date, and she said yes.

***

In the time it had taken for Brooke to push her finger to the buzzer at Vanessa’s flat and for Vanessa to appear at the bottom of her stairwell, a thousand thoughts had already seized the chance to run through Brooke’s mind and taunt her. Her outfit- a silk, emerald-green mid-length dress- was too much, and so was her makeup. Her hair looked ridiculous down, all long and wavy and in the way- she would book a haircut tomorrow. Vanessa had probably changed her mind about the entire night, and she was going to look ridiculous standing outside a slightly run-down apartment block in her evening wear. Why had she brought flowers? Vanessa probably didn’t even like lilies, and these were blue ones at that, Christ, what the fuck had she been thinking? The restaurant she’d chosen was too much. It was too opulent and would be too much for Vanessa and it’d intimidate her and she’d want to go home. Did she even like seafood? Fuck, was she allergic to seafood?! Would she be too polite to say she couldn’t have anything on the menu and end up eating a scallop and sending herself into anaphylactic shock?!

Brooke was near enough having a panic attack by the time the front door opened to reveal Vanessa, and what she was wearing only made Brooke ten times more nervous. She stood, visibly nervous, in tall sparkling gold heels, with a gold and silver dress that was dripping in a fringe of jewels to match. Her long hair was loose and wavy like Brooke’s, but hers managed to look so much better than Brooke’s own. Her makeup was beautiful, but Brooke felt she could have opened the door with a bare face and she’d still have looked perfect.

Brooke spoke first. “Hey. You look gorgeous.”

Vanessa scrunched her face up and laughed. “Comin’ from you. Jesus. I feel like a bag of garbage. Fuck, you’re so beautiful.”

Brooke blushed, and Vanessa seemed to feel a little shy about her outburst as she blushed and looked to the ground. Straightening up, Brooke saw her take a deep breath. “Sorry. Should we, uh-”

“Sure! Oh-” Brooke nervously thrust the bouquet of flowers out in front of her, a bewildered Vanessa taking them in her arms. “These are for you. The colour’s kind of crazy, so you probably won’t like them, but none of the other flowers seemed to suit you, so…”

“The fuck is that meant to mean?” Vanessa laughed, as they reached Brooke’s car and she held the passenger door open for her. “What happened to a red rose or some shit?”

Brooke tilted her head as she tried to explain her reasoning. “Yeah, but they’re so…conventional and classic and very not you. I couldn’t get you any white flowers because that would imply some form of purity,” she raised an eyebrow and Vanessa gave a guilty little sultry laugh. “So I found these. But there isn’t really a flower that can describe you. There isn’t really anything that can describe you.”

Brooke locked eyes with the girl opposite the car to her, who was smiling with her cheeks flushed a little red, and she suddenly realised how intense she’d sounded. Suddenly, Vanessa laughed.

“No, I love them. Thank you. God, why we so nervous about this?” she exclaimed. “I mean most people usually go on a date and then fuck. We got the hard part out the way, this is s’posed to be easy.”

“Right,” Brooke laughed in reply, even though she wanted to tell Vanessa that she was wrong, that the sex was the easy part because they could throw up a front where the only language was touching and kissing and rough and gentle, and if they did speak it was a thousand times easier than anything she’d say tonight because calling the girl she cared so much about a whore and a slut and a bitch when they were under the covers and slick against each other was so much easier than telling her how Brooke actually felt about her.

But Brooke didn’t say all that, of course- she jumped into the car and motioned for Vanessa to join her and the two of them were off on their way to dinner, and Brooke’s nerves weren’t dissipating a single bit.

“So where are you takin’ me? All you said was dress fancy,” Vanessa asked, a little smile to her voice that calmed Brooke down only a little.

“It’s called Le Bernardin. Basically a seafood restaurant, but then I realised while I was waiting on you to come down that I never checked if you liked seafood or not, so if we end up eating McChickens in a car park somewhere then I’ll understand.”

Vanessa gave a little bark of laughter. “No, no don’t worry. I actually love seafood. So is this place like Red Lobster?”

Brooke stifled a laugh- they were about to go and eat from a two hundred and twenty five dollar tasting menu, and Vanessa would have been happy with Red Lobster. “Yeah, a little.”

It was only when Brooke had parked the car, walked with Vanessa into the restaurant, and been sat at their table for a few moments that Vanessa spoke up.

“Brooke,” she said with wide eyes, after having peeked at her menu. “This ain’t like Red Lobster at all, you know.”

Brooke spluttered a laugh, then had to stifle it as the sommelier approached their table. He reeled off all the different wine recommendations, Brooke having to bite the inside of her cheeks as she watched Vanessa’s face grow more and more incredulous with every word he spoke. As he finally reached the end of his spiel and asked Vanessa what she wanted to drink, she cast her eyes to the bar.

“Yeah, uhh, lemme get a French martini,” she said, leaning back in her chair. The sommelier cast a glance to Brooke, who smiled politely.

“Whatever the lady wants,” she smiled, Vanessa smiling back at her cheekily. Brooke ordered a bottle of champagne and watched with mirth as the sommelier walked away shaking his head.

“They got caviar here. Damn, this is a real nice place,” Vanessa said softly, looking at Brooke with concern. “I don’t really know how I’m gonna be able to-”

“Vanessa. I’m paying,” Brooke cut her off, holding her hand up to stop the other girl protesting. “It’s me taking you out on a date. So I’m the one that pays. Have literally whatever you want, I don’t give a fuck.”

Vanessa bit her lip and smiled. “It’s real nice of you to treat me to all this, Ms. Brooke. I won’t complain.”

“Well. You deserve nice things, so,” Brooke shrugged, sensing the shift in atmosphere as she made eye contact with the other girl. Suddenly, she broke it as a waitress appeared with their drinks, Vanessa’s eyes growing wide with delight as her martini appeared in front of her with a wedge of pineapple stuck at the side. They got two glasses of champagne poured, and Brooke held hers up to Vanessa’s.

“What are we toasting to?” she asked, Vanessa tilting her head in thought.

“It is cringey if we say us?”

“It’s not cringey, it’s nice,” Brooke smiled, touching their glasses together lightly. “To us, then.”

“To us,” Vanessa repeated shyly, Brooke amazed at how different she seemed already this evening, how nervous and quiet she was. It was such a change.

They passed much of the evening the same way, talking in dropped tones as if they were whispering. Vanessa ordered a seafood platter and caviar, just so she could say she’d tried it, and Brooke laughed as she took the tiny spoonful she’d been given and scrunched up her face. When her platter arrived, Brooke watched Vanessa look at the heads of the langoustines with interest, before showing her how to take them off. She was currently watching in slight awe as she shucked the oysters surprisingly well.

“It’s like a shot of fish. A fish shot,” Vanessa shrugged, giving Brooke the verdict on the oysters.

“Classy,” Brooke smirked, Vanessa sticking her tongue out at her in response.

“It’s a shame Detox couldn’t have been here. You should have invited her. Then again, she’s prolly outside with a huge cup pressed against the wall,” Vanessa suddenly said from nowhere, Brooke rolling her eyes.

“Yeah, sorry about her the other day. She’s an idiot, but she’s also my friend, so I guess I’m stuck with her,” Brooke pinched the bridge of her nose. Vanessa smiled.

“She’s sweet. So she knows about us then?” she said, clearly feigning disinterest. Brooke panicked.

“Yeah, but I made her promise not to tell anyone.”

Vanessa avoided Brooke’s eyes as she picked apart a clam. “Why, ‘cuz you’re ashamed of me?”

“What? No, Jesus, no. I just don’t want…” Brooke wanted to tell Vanessa everything, but her mouth wouldn’t allow the words to come out. “I don’t want the whole office knowing and chipping in their two cents all the time.”

To her relief, Vanessa didn’t seem offended. “That’s fair. Told my friends about you and that was bad enough.”

Brooke smiled. She liked the thought of Vanessa telling other people about her. “What did they say?”

Vanessa rolled her eyes. “So there’s Silky and Akeria. Silky basically screamed in my ear for a solid half hour. Bitch is nuts. Akeria was like fuckin’ Oprah tryin’ to get all the details. And I mean all the details.”

“Like what?”

Vanessa raised an eyebrow and gave Brooke a wink. “You know exactly what.”

Brooke shifted in her seat. “Did you tell her?”

“What the fuck do you think, bitch? She got nothin’ from me. Give a girl some credit,” Vanessa rolled her eyes and jabbed a scallop with her fork.

The rest of the night passed by in a blur of champagne bubbles and hushed conversation, Brooke realising halfway through the evening that she had forgotten she’d taken her car, but it didn’t matter. She could get an Uber home, and as she paid the bill she realised with a pang that she didn’t really want the night to end. As the doorman grabbed their coats, Brooke felt a stab to her heart as Vanessa gave a little satisfied sigh, signalling that the night was over.

“Can’t believe you forgot you brought your car,” Vanessa laughed as Brooke finished up ordering her Uber.

“Are you sure you don’t want dropped off? We can go past your flat-”

“Nah, don’t worry. I can get the subway home, it’s not far. Well, thank you for a lovely time, Ms. Brooke,” she smiled, shrugging on her coat. “This was maybe the classiest first date I’ve ever been on.”

Brooke ran her tongue over her teeth as she got her own coat and opened the door for her, pausing until they were back out on the sidewalk to speak again. The evening was beginning to get dark but the streetlamps weren’t lit just yet, and the warmth from the day still hung heavy in the air. “So do I get to take you on a second?”

Vanessa pursed her lips in consideration, smiling playfully as she began to walk away from her. “I’ll need to think about it. Got a lot of demand, you know. Seeing this Nate on Monday. But this was fun, Ms. Brooke,” she said lightly as she turned around. “See you Monday.”

And as Vanessa began to walk away and Brooke saw her Uber pull up beside her, something inside her snapped and broke from all the tension. It was too much for her any more. Ignoring the car that began to toot its horn at her in frustration, Brooke ran as fast as she could to Vanessa, grabbed her hand and spun her round. The last thing she saw was Vanessa’s shocked face as she took her face in her hands and kissed her, rough and protective and jealous, and Vanessa must have been able to tell because Brooke could feel her smile against her lips as Vanessa brought a hand up to tangle in her hair.

As Brooke broke the kiss, she started speaking and wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to stop. “I was wrong. I was a fucking idiot, actually. I do get jealous. Well, I never thought I did, but I do. I can’t stand the thought of you with anyone else, kissing someone else, feeling some type of way about anyone else. And I’m frustrated it’s taken me this long to admit it because, what, I can tell you all the things I want you to do to me when we’re naked but I can’t tell you straight how I feel about you?”

Brooke was scared, frightened, terrified, all of that, but as she looked down she saw Vanessa’s eyes shining in the small amount of light they had on the street, and her smile beaming at her. She seemed so happy and it made Brooke wonder- had Vanessa wanted this all along? “I really fucking like you, Vanessa. That’s why I didn’t want Detox telling anyone about us, because if I fuck this up with you it’ll be the worst mistake I’ve made in my life and everyone would know, and I don’t want people thinking it’s just some fling between the lawyer and her secretary because fuck, I thought that was all it was too but then it just became so much more than that? It started to be about making you happy, and making you laugh, and getting to be close to you and spend time with you, and that scared me so much, you know? And that was why when you asked me if we should be exclusive I said no, because I started overthinking and I didn’t think you wanted that so I just went with it because I thought it’d make you happy, but now I feel like I’ve made a huge fucking mistake and-” Brooke cut herself off as she suddenly gasped for air, pulling Vanessa in close to her and being suddenly so afraid of losing her. She looked into her eyes as she spoke. “Please don’t go on that fucking date on Monday, Vanessa. Please be my girlfriend instead.”

The blood in Brooke’s veins gave a jump as she heard Vanessa gasp with delight as she spoke the word girlfriend, filling Brooke’s heart with so much hope that she felt as if she was on the very edge of a cliff, and if Vanessa said no now she might well go into cardiac arrest. In reply, Vanessa stood on her tiptoes and kissed Brooke gently, stroking her thumb against her cheek in an affectionate gesture that made Brooke want to melt. As Vanessa broke the kiss, she bit her lip and smiled. “God, Brooke, all you had to do was ask. Yes I’ll be your girlfriend. Jesus.”

And Brooke was suddenly so blinded with happiness that she picked up Vanessa, her girlfriend, her fucking girlfriend, and spun her around in the air in the middle of the street, the two of them laughing and giggling like teenagers and Brooke’s heart beating at a deafening pitch in her ears because she said yes, Vanessa was her girlfriend, Vanessa was her girlfriend, and the future was suddenly so bright and exciting and optimistic and full of colour and Brooke could suddenly see the beauty in every single little thing around them, even the fucking bins.

“There was no Nate, by the way,” Vanessa laughed, making Broke stop suddenly and put her down.

“What?”

“There was no Nate. And there was no date. I just wanted to make you jealous.”

“Well, you succeeded,” Brooke laughed, lacing her hand in Vanessa’s.

“I panicked. Said his name was Nate because it rhymed with date.”

Brooke burst out laughing and pressed a kiss to Vanessa’s hair. “You’re so stupid.”

She realised that neither of them had a clue where they were walking. Vanessa seemed to sense the same thing as she suddenly stopped, smiled seductively, and rested her hands on Brooke’s waist. “All night I’ve been thinking that dress would look better on the floor.”

Brooke let out a small whine. There was nobody, not a single person on earth, who could make her feel like Vanessa made her feel, and Brooke wouldn’t trade that for the world. “Come back with me?”

Vanessa leaned in and smiled, pressing her lips against Brooke’s before teasingly breaking away.

“I thought you’d never ask.”

#rpdr fanfiction #branjie #brooke lynn hytes #vanessa vanjie mateo #lesbian au #feelings on safety #your move #ortega #AND THE VILLAGERS REJOICED! -V #s11

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6ad6ro · 6 years ago

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um so… i woke up thinking of this old friend. she was like best friends w my bad ex? like i used to hang out w her like crazy. she was rly nice? mostly? tho she def had this issue where she didn’t rly know what she wanted in life. and let other ppls warped judgements of “how ppl should act” rub off on her.

like i remember times she would more or less call me a lazy piece of shit to my face. like it was somehow “understood”? but then i’d be like “why are u calling me that?” and she wouldn’t know. bc it wasn’t her actual opinion. she liked who i was. idk she was just rly confused. i think her brother was a cop. her dad was emotionally neglecting and like conservative or militant? i remember her always wanting to smoke pot but also saying “drugs are bad™”. she was someone who u could tell always wanted to be free but was held back by the opinions of the people around her.

especially her on again off again bf? i… didn’t like him. he wanted to grow up to be a politician. he only listened to classic rock. he looked and acted like a conservative wanabee eric foreman from that 70s show, but somehow even worse. he had her convinced that her dream was to be “a loving housewife”… it made me sick. i remember how he tried to convince her to stop hanging out w her best friend and me JUST bc she smoked pot. bc “she was an evil hippie and bad”. i mean tbh she SHOULD have stopped hanging out w my bad ex, but for completely dif reasons. like he was def that kinda guy. a selfish, immature, stubborn, self-righteous idiot. but he was the first guy to ever rly like her. and she had… self esteem issues. i remember how she would… was always waiting for him to decide to wanna go out w her. she seemed so lonely.

her and i were kinda friends separately from my bad ex (lets call her “A”). so one time i remember she ended up coming over to hang w me n watch rocky horror in my room? it was rly fun tbh!! we were having a great time! it was totally innocent! but i remember at one point she like… got weird. got up. and was like “im sorry i think i’m being a bad person i gotta go”. and left? i didn’t get it at the time? or rather… i think i denied it. she clearly liked me, wanted something to happen that night, and felt like a bad friend for having those thoughts. i never asked her about it but looking back it was p obvious. also A was a control freak n just a bad person… so i wouldn’t be surprised if she told L to stay away from me. even tho A was constantly cheating on me n using everyone around her etc. idk it was complicated.

i also remember another time before her and that guy that became her bf (lets call her “l” and him “m”)… i remember there was some small party at my house and for some horribly embarrassing reason my bad ex (we were still together then) convinced me to mess around w her under a blanket in same room as our other friends? we were all v v drunk. i guess it made others in room feel v lonely n so L and this other girl started like… both making out w the one other guy in the room? it was bizarre. that kind of stuff is fine in some circumstances? but this was rly unhealthy. i remember the guy felt bad and told the other girl he had to stop bc he had always rly liked L and wanted to see where things would go w her? other girl said she was fine w it (and knowing her persona it easily was?) and he ended up napping on floor w L. next day i think she woke up, completely regretted what happened, and ran back to M. it kinda sucked for guy bc he rly cared about her but she never even was willing to talk about what had happened. to her it was just a drunken mistake (i knew she kinda liked him back but obv she was scared).

even w all that stuff, L was a constant member of our hangout group for like… 7 or 8 years straight? idk! it was always rly fun w her! even if, looking back, A constantly was ruining all our fun w her insane bullshit. i have fond memories of 3am park hangouts n just roaming around talking n going on adventures… i’d never cheat on a partner. never have, never will. but i think i did have like… feelings for L that i always ignored? that part of her that… wanted freedom? from those weird family’s/bf’s/society’s ideals that she let chain her down? it was attractive. she was a nice person just doin her best.

anyways i remember around when A and i finally broke up for good (only a month after my dad died, if u wanna know how awful of a person A was). and she ended up taking me aside n warning me that A had been cheating on w me w another guy, but it’d gotten serious w him. and A of course was lying and stringing me along so she could get money n sex from me etc. A using me was p common. but L had had enough and “betrayed A” (did a v nice thing) and told me. i think that was… really what set in motion A and i being done for good. that helped wake me up about what a horrible person A was. and had always been. i’ll always be grateful to L for that. that must’ve been hard for her. and i think her and A’s like 10 year friendship died over that. which rly was a good thing like A was a terrible person.

anyways fast forward like 2? 3?? 4 years? L had gone off to a college out of state w her boyfriend M. she… followed him around. no judgement, but it prob wasn’t good for her. i was in an apartment in another city and me and A had been DONE™ for years. i was still def hurt from the 8+ years of abuse, but i was def over her at least. seeing other ppl regularly. it was def a weird time for me but… that’s another story.

L and i hadn’t rly talked in years. i just didn’t rly associate w ppl A still hung around. i never knew her and L had stopped being friends or i prob woulda kept up w L. i don’t think L and i cut off contact on purpose, but it was just one if those “things”. but L hit me up outta the blue. was like “ back in town do u wanna hang?” and we did! it was rly nice seeing her! we went out and about. idk. we started hanging for a bit. but she… idk she clearly rly enjoyed my company? but also… had those weird judgements. idk.

one time we were hanging and she was at my place and saw all the alcohol i had layin around and was like “hey uhhh can i have some?” and i was like “hehe okay i guess we can drink” and ordered a pizza and we just hung out.

idk but before we got drunk she finally told me why she was back. M, the guy she had followed to college, had done the gross, stereotypical dude thing of breaking up w her right after they both graduated. i got a vibe he had been cheating on her all throughout too. he rly was the type. and as we drank we talked about it. i felt so bad for her. she vented all night. and idk all i remember was we were both v drunk and i think i was… idk why my head was in her lap? but she was playing w my hair. and idk. we kissed. things happened. she seemed so happy w it! i was too. i even stupidly cracked a joke “i bet A would be rly pissed if she saw us rn” and we both laughed. i always regretted sayin it tho bc its not like i was doin it to get back at A.

but i remember we were in my bed making out bc i had accidentally gotten aggressive w her n slammed her into a wall n started kissing her? so hard her nose started bleeding? i felt awful but she LOOOVED it and idk we somehow wound up in bed. idk i kinda regret this. bc… i was having a hard time around then and… just sleeping w all my friends? it just became… clockwork. i would do what i thought my friends wanted me to do regardless of how i felt. i had become kinda a slut.

so i remember like… making out but then i started to escalate things? and i think fir a split second she sobered up and was like “wait lets cool this down a little”. and i was like “okay no prob” and we both tried to go for a walk n find a park? we walked hand in hand and she kept telling me how happy she was? like how… this was the kinda stuff M would never do with her? she was just smiling a lot. it was cute. but i was so drunk n still fairly new to area, so i took her in wrong direction from the park. we ended up giving up n just walking back.

we got back in and thats i think when she sobered up mostly but i wad still out of it? and she realised her dog hadn’t been fed. it was def a partial excuse but she rly loved that dog so i could tell it was REAL guilt. i felt bad bc i tried to take her hand n go back into my room bc i wanted her to stay n cuddle? i was just drunk. i wasn’t forceful, but i shoulda been like “oh that’s fine!” but tbh i was also a touch worried she was too drunk to drive. well anyways… she left.

later we did have a looong talk about it. like… she ended up going to try and get back with M again (i still will never know what she saw in him like he rly used her n treated her bad like even going so far as to ask her advice on dating other girls after they broke up). but idk i thought she was smart enough to end things w him, and could tell her and i had feelings, so i tried to stay a lil closer than friends? idk what i told her but it was along the lines of “we can stay friends but if things happen sometimes it’s okay w me”. i look back on it w embarrassment but i guess it wasn’t that bad a thing to say?

but rly it was mostly a drunken mistake. and she was scared. and wanted to cut it off. she couldn’t end things w M like she was still torally in love w him even tho he had abandoned her. tbh i know what that’s like. well anyways i remember a few hangouts later she just… bailed on me? in a rly mean way? i had gone to pick her up from her house (idk 30 min drive each way) and she just… totally stood me up. i was parked at her house like texting her wondering where she was? and she sent me a text like “sorry something came up”. and wouldn’t tell me what happened and i got annoyed and drove home.

i have a feeling now that like M had… shown back up in her life and she sorta… threw me away to run back to him? i mean i can’t take it too personally bc she woulda done that to ANYONE. i don’t remember what happened after that but we just stopped talking again. i saw later on fb that her and M had gotten engaged or married?? idek? idk if her and i are still fb friends or if one of us blocked the other or what? i don’t remember.

but idk. i hope she’s well. i hope M got WAYYY better. or she left him. or idk. i wouldn’t even know how to contact her. i’m almost afraid to. like bc i… could see her giving up on her dreams and just being that housewife to him. even if she was mildly content doing that, i know she’d never be happy. and it’s so unlikely that he’d have grown to be good to her. i just… hope she’s doing well and is okay and happy. idk why i woke up worrying about her. it’s been so long… i’m such a dif person now. idk. time is weird.

#long

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ohdeerlings · 6 years ago

Text

mushi hime rant hahahhaahfdsjh

just posting my long-winded summary i typed immediately after finished reading to talk about how bad it was; it ended up a lot longer than i intended and now i feel like i should at least keep what i put effort into typing =___=

so it starts with this guy who's been getting recurring nightmares of a girl who shapeshifts into a monster with a huge mouth and teeth eating him

one day a transfer student comes in and looks exactly like her(already outplayed trope of having dreams for no reason of reality that doesnt ever get explained, and it happens lots of times throughout

)around the same time strange events start happening around town: ex, truck driver found by police with markings of a mass insect attack, dogs and pets all getting attacked by swarms of ants and filling up the vet hospitals

the narrative goes back and forth btwn:

- the guy's (Ryoichi's) POV in class where he's just not approaching her and wary of her bc of his dream; he's Not Like Other Boys who get all horny over her bc she's perfect (beautiful, smart, mysteriously quiet, physically adept)

- and btwn this stereotypically wacky/eccentric scientist who was consulted by the police with the first caseturns out the scientist has been tracking down a series of seemingly unrelated murders that follow a clear path ending at Ryoichi's town

throughout the story there's some not so subtle dialogues about the earth going through global warming and species dying

the scientist spiels to some insignificant characters about how humans arent long for this earth, etc etc and how insects are amazing because of their adaptational abilities

he seems to know the transfer student girl, Kikuchi and is trying to track her down

meanwhile kikuchi is character-developed as some clearly dangerous but morally compromised monster-human hybrid who Only Preys on Bad Guys or people around at the wrong time

she gets hit on by some lecherous perv who asks her to karaoke and she actually agrees

there she straddles him and starts kissing him and then these tentacle things come ouit of her throat and go into his mouth

he slumps over and she leaves

the scientist-investigator duo are closing in on her and find the security camera tapes, from that they get a picture and show it around town to try to locate her

meanwhile Ryoichi is still like wow she's Scary and I'm Not Like Other Boys

then he happens to see her just as the old man from the karaoke bar (who seems to have not been killed and is just stumbling around acting drugged) finds her and attacks her

a fucking needle spike comes out of her arm and she defends herself by stabbing him and puncturing his skull and killing him

he sees all that and shes like well guess you're my hostage now and takes him to his house

she's also attracted to him inexplicably, partially because He's Not Like Other Boys and shes like WHY ISNT HE SECRETING PHEROMONES FOR ME(she can smell that

)then there's a weird "erotic" scene where she forces him onto the bed and deep throats him with her mouth tentacles

then there's just a LOT of dialogue thrown at us at once with the scientist just explaining a shit ton to his investigation partner whose character clearly only exists for hte sake of exposition

turns out he had a colleague when he worked on a super secret gov funded experiment called biosphere 2 where they sealed off a forest and bombed it with radiation and pollution n shit

they found that it endured a lot at first and it was because of the bugs (?) that it did until the bugs disappeared and were nowhere to be found, then the forest just died

they looked around and found mutated bugs sleeping inside the earth

his colleague had a daughter back then with a terminal illness so out of desperation he injected the dna of the mutated insects into her, hoping their resilience would change her body to survive the illness

so she lived but she was clearly not human, farming off of her dad - she wasnt able to produce endorphins anymore so her tentacle things would secrete an enzyme to get hte host to produce lots of endorphins and she would take it, creating a dependency

bc she was the only of her species to exist she felt a need to procreate so she also kept trying to mate with her dad

then we find out that her dad had an identical twin who was raised by foster parents - and thats Ryoichi's dad, making Ryoichi and Kikuchi technically cousins, and genetically half-siblings

so thats why she was Inexplicably drawn to that town, and to him

she was wandering through japan because at some point her dad tried to kill her for humanity's sake, but bc of a random flood their town was wiped out and he wasnt able to kill her and she disappeared/survived the flood thanks to her ability to mutate in environmental changes

meanwhile she's been keeping him hostage to feed off of his endorphins and creating a dependency in him for the enzymes she would give him

until his mom accidentally comes into his room and sees, then she runs away and dies falling down the stairs lol

then he's all like ytou're a monster!!!!! and she threatens to kill the girl-next-door character in his friend group who seemed to have a thing for him/vice versa

so he's like: ill do anything just spare her!!!!

so she forces him to answer the door when his friends are like why havent u been going to class and tell them to fuck off/be a dick to them

while theyre walking outside after to go somewhere else the scientist sees the girl (Chiken) and is like hEY you look sad and depressed there's nothing possibly else that could make u feel like that except having your childhood crush abducted by a halfhuman-half locust succubus

he shows her the picture and she recognizes her and leads him back to the house

then he gets a rifle to try to shoot her and theres a whole fight scene where she uses her pheromones to call upon the insects to swarm

ryoichi is useless because he found his moms corpse lying in the bathtub getting consumed by maggots she asked to fully decompose the body

then the scientist gets a couple shots in and fends her off, meanwhile random police get in the way to stop what looks just like a home invasion and she disappears

they take ryoichi into the hospital bc all the endorphin harvesting and brain fuckery has him weak

then ryoichi's dad comes in and is like how do you recognize who i am!! to the scientist who explains

oh yeah that's the point at which we find out ryoichi and kikuchi are related

and then he's still having dreams where she vores him and he's both horrified and wants it

meanwhile entire city is getting swarmed by insects in a disaster scene with society breaking down etc etc

kikuchi tracks them down by following ryoichi's scent (?)

then they have one last battle where they try to use the dad as a distraction bc he looks identical to her dead father

and somehow the scientist just FINDS specific chemicals/enzymes to throw on her and weaken the part of her thats an insect

also earlier before she got there he whips out the mutant insect dna out of nowhere? like the extremely valuable dna that he should have no business just finding/still carrying around

and is like

hey lets inject ourselves with this because humanity is getting wiped out and attacked by insects rn anyway, the only way to live i sto adapt

but no one does it (lmao pointless inclusion)

then they defeat her in a big struggle with ryoichi getting farmed on by her again and instead of just taking it has a Miraculous realization past the drugs that oh no this person is killing everyone i love

and CHOMPS on her tentacle thigns while their mouths are connected

scientist injuects her with more random dna he has to compromise her mutant dna and the insect swarming stops bc of the internal biological shit happening and she's writhing oon the ground

then looks like she dies

they try to escape the basement theyve been in because its suddenly flooding (no reason lmfao)

on the way out they get stopped by a teacher that she pricked with her spike earlier on who's been missing from school and his "insect bite" changed his behavior/ultimately made him into a different part human part bug who tries to kill them

then kikuchi who -surprise- hadnt died!@!! shows up again but now she's blond and looks almost exactly like Ryoichi (who is blond) because the thing the scientist injected in her enabled her to adapt to the water and she's still a mutatn but Less Evil Somehow and he's like i thOUGHT U DIED.... I ACTUALLY LOVE YOU..

then epilogue is the scientist goign through his life normally and the city is recovered from the insect swarm and he sees another random global warming thing in the news and is like

“its only a matter of time before humanity perishes, but now is not that time....we're good.............,,,,,,,for now...and i know somewhere underwater something of humanity's legacy will live on”

and it cuts to ryoichi and kikuchi hugging in a very Shape of Water way underwater with tentacle thigns cause they went to live in the ocean

then there s a bad window for a sequel showing the teacher guy - SURPRISE - not actuially dead and crunching on humans in a sewer somewhere

STILL A FUN READ

#summary #review #manga #insect princess #mushihime #mushi hime #trashpost

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pacman-tattoo · 7 years ago

Text

something different [jake d. x fem!reader]

whats this? a double post????

somewhat based off of this:

( dude i didn’t realize how much i needed jake/reader until u wrote that thing (which was rlly good btw) would u mind doing another jake thing? maybe where like reader isn’t affected by all his usual stuff he pulls to get The Ladies (either they don’t rlly notice or don’t care or w/e) and he’s like Woah cause he isn’t used to that, u know )

(thank u anon for the idea and i loaf u)

i love jake dillinger more than life itself i s2g

fem!reader because im a self-indulgent fuck

warnings: uhhhhh langauge n that’s it

You were a enigma to Jake Dillinger. He sat behind you in English, he’d tap your shoulder and ask for a pencil or an eraser or a piece of paper with the smile that so many other people melted at, and you brushed it off carelessly, jabbing whatever he wanted in his direction. He’d trail behind you, calling your name and somehow managing to carelessly flow around you while on crutches, as he watched you dodge question after question, keeping to yourself as much as you desired, a smile playing upon your lips - something Jake focused on sometime without realizing. He didn’t remember when exactly he noticed you - as if the clouds parted and there you were one day. The girl that sat in front of him, the girl who braided her hair after math tests because she had nothing better to do, the girl who wore red lipstick every Friday because it made her confident - you were there and you just appeared out of the blue, despite miraculously sitting in at least one of his classes since third grade.

Hell, he didn’t remember you in elementary school until Christine had brought out a yearbook she’d kept. But there you were in one year in his homeroom class with Ms. Luis, red cast shining out from the spot you were sitting in. Christine remembered you - heck, even Brooke and Jenna did. He didn’t remember that you’d asked him to sign your cast, and he did - putting ‘JAKEY D’ at your wrist in his terrible fourth grade scrawl, right above Chase Roberts’s name. Heck, you had only remembered that because Chloe had signed quickly after - her name right next to Jake’s. Christine said she had remembered singing off-key next to you in the Thanksgiving play. Brooke remembered you two picking flowers during recess and talking about how pretty they were, and how you brought her a flower crown for her birthday along with a pretty pink journal with flowers decorating the front - and apparently, you worked at the local Pinkberry, so even Chloe knew at least your face and vaguely recognized you in class. Everyone seemed to have at least some vague shape of you in their mind - Jeremy remembered a project with you in freshman year, Rich remembered you telling him to fuck off during his sophomore year - hell, even Michael seemed to notice you as the girl who offered him a faintly warm cinnamon roll when he was having a bad day.

You were adorable. How had Jake never noticed you?

Well, for one thing, you didn’t fawn over him like half the school seemed to.

Jake had natural charm. He had always relied on it, words coming easily to him as he swayed anyone with his boyish charm and a little smile - heck, he once got out of a detention because he was pretty damn good at acting. Jake Dillinger was a good boy in the eyes of teachers, the eyes of parents whose kids he kissed in the back of his car. Jake Dillinger was used to having people melt at his smile alone. He definitely wasn’t sure how to react to someone who would brush him off so easily, pretty red lips drawn up in a smile that he wasn’t used to.

At least, not until he heard your soft steps approach his lunch table. He didn’t notice them at first - dear god did he have a bad habit about not noticing you sometimes, and god he hated it - but Rich had jabbed him with his elbow after he sat you shyly standing there. He watched as you shook the sleeve of your cardigan down and over your hand, it dipping down and hiding your hands as you hugged your AP Physics book closer to your chest. He sort of smiled at you.

“Hey, [y/n],” he said, and suddenly all eyes were on you. It unnerved you slightly, but you curled your fingers around the corner of the book and breathed.

“You’re, uh,” you stammered softly, “in my AP Physics class, right?”

He blinked in the sight of you, before his smile returned and he nodded. “Yeah, you need help?”

You nodded promptly, and dear god you felt like you seemed too eager to ask for his help. “Everyone else is busy,” you said, “and you’re smart, so... I’d really, really appreciate the help.”

Fuck, you were kinda cute. “I’d love to help you,” he said, “I mean, what kind of guy would I be if I didn’t help a cutie in need?”

Your face grew warm as a blush crept up your neck and into your cheeks. It was more than Jake tended to get, honestly - for the most part, you had brushed him off or didn’t pay much attention to him whenever he complimented you. It was... kinda nice? Or cute? Fuck, he wasn’t sure.

“Can I have your number?” He asked.

You nodded quickly, scrambling to recite it as he created a new contact in his phone for you. You didn’t know it at the time, but you were saved as [y/n] with a flower by your name.

Saturday morning you headed over to the hotel where Jake was staying, a Tupperware container of chocolate chip cookies tucked in your arms as your bag weighed down your shoulders. You looked (and somewhat felt) cute - always a bonus for life in general, your favorite bracelets dangling at your wrist, clinking together softly. You sort of smiled as you bounced on your heels, pulling the container into one arm as you rapped your knuckles against the door, and waited. Contrary to your expectations, the door opened quickly, and there stood Rich, who seemed smiled and welcomed you in. The whole moment was necessarily warm - especially coming from Rich, who you had only heard things about.

“Am I interrupting something?” You asked. Rich glanced over to Jake, shot him a smile.

″I was leaving,” he said quickly, pausing as you cracked open the container. Before you could say anything, he snagged a cookie out and shouted back a quick “later!” before practically dashing out of the room.

You looked over to Jake, before setting down the container on the little coffee table in front of the couch. “I, uh, brought these for you. I wasn’t sure if you liked chocolate chip or not but I kinda guessed that it was a safe bet- but if you don’t like them, I don’t mind making something else since you’re tutoring me and that’s really, really nice-”

He shot you a smile, “I love chocolate chip cookies,” he said softly.

His gaze lingered on you as you removed your bag, before sitting next to him on the couch. You pressed your lips together, before slowly speaking, “so... AP Physics.”

So the two of you dove into the subject. You ignored Jake’s arm slipping around you at one point, the feeling of his hip against your own grabbing your attention. You shifted uncomfortably as his hand rested at your waist. He trailed off at some point. You reached up, brushing your hair behind your ear, awkwardly staring down at the edge of your skirt.

“Jake-” You mumbled, turning to face him once it had grown awkwardly silent. He leaned forward, only to be stopped when you threw your hands up, elbows locked, pushing him back. He stopped, slowly drawing back. If it wasn’t for the genuine uncertainty that lurked in his eyes, you would have told him to fuck off (in the sweetest way you could) and left. But you didn’t.

He stared at you. Fuck, what was he doing wrong? Fuck, maybe he was too forward - it was a stupid habit and he had plenty of people sort of melt just being alone with him and he just thought-

“No.” You said, attention drawn back to you. He pulled his arm completely away from where it lingered on the sofa behind you, immediately shifting away from you. “Jake, look,” you said, “sorry - it’s just... I’m not like that.”

“No, shit, sorry -”

“No. Jake. I’m just... I’m not the kind of girl who’s gonna fall for you because of one smile,” you said slowly, “I just... if you’re genuinely interested in me, then... you should make an effort to talk to me.”

He couldn’t stop staring at you. Wait. “Wait, [y/n]-” He said, eyes not leaving you for a second.

You’re voice shook, wavering as you shoved your things back into your bag, “I didn’t come here because I wanted you or anything,” you stood, pulling your bag onto your shoulders, “I came here because I needed the help - you were the first person who actually was agreed to tutor me.”

He watched as you left the room, making a comment that you’d see him on Monday.

Dear god, he fucked up didn’t he?

You had been distracted, all but sitting in front of your oven as you hummed along to a song on Spotify. The song dulled down as your phone buzzed to life, and the named jakey d stretched across the top of your phone. You hadn’t spoken to him at school almost all week - assuming that maybe he’d focused his attention elsewhere or that maybe he didn’t care for you at all. You didn’t know he was lying on his bed, halfway through his math homework but stuck on a problem because he thought of you and wow he really fucked up, didn’t he?

jakey d: hey

You stared at the phone.

[y/n]: Hey

Jake looked at the text from the chat. He sent a quick text - she responded.

Apologize. Tell her you were a dick. He nodded. Same shit he had heard all week.

jakey d: look, [y/n]

jakey d: i know what i didnt wasn’t cool

jakey d: but

You had been too quick for him.

[y/n]: Look, Jake. I get it. Don’t worry about it. Just... don’t string me along like other people?

Oh fuck.

jakey d: i’m not?

[y/n]: Is there any other reason you’re texting me? I have a pie in the oven rn and I’m kind of distracted by it.

Jake stared.

jakey d: you bake?

[y/n]: I baked you cookies, you goof.

In his defense, you said you brought him cookies - you never specified you baked them, and you sort of remembered it.

[y/n]: But yes, I bake.

jakey d: so do i

[y/n]: No way.

[y/n]: The Jake Dillinger likes baking?

[y/n]: Pinch me, I’m dreaming.

jakey d: maybe i could come over and we could make something?

[y/n]: Like?

He hadn’t really thought that far.

jakey d: anything

jakey d: whatever you wanna make, i’m down for

[y/n]: You better back out now, Jake, because I’ll hold you to that.

[y/n]: How does Saturday sound? I’ll pick you up.

jakey d: great!

jakey d: it’s a date, then

You stared at your phone. Oh no. He wasn’t doing this. He was not doing this. This was too soon - Jake knew next to nothing about you.

[y/n]: Nope.

[y/n]: We’re just friends right now, Jake. Alright? No romantic stuff, alright?

He reread the right now about a thousand times before responding, not realizing he’d been holding his breath a little. He dumbly nodded to himself. Yeah. Right. No romantic stuff. Got it.

jakey d: yeah! just friends then.

Jake hadn’t been lying when he said he liked baking. You had decided on these s’mores cupcakes you’d found online, and Jake only nodded and even vaguely recognized the recipe somehow. The shopping trip the two of you took for ingredients was nice - even if you two did argue about red velvet cupcakes and whether they were overrated or not (and only then did you learn of Jake’s love for the cupcakes, and you might have ended up making a mental note of that). You did a majority of work, Jake content to rest and help to the best of his ability - which ended up being him basically hovering over your shoulder and critiquing you in every aspect he could, chuckling softly at one point as he watched how concentrated you were.

The cupcakes were in the oven and Jake was on your couch, the timer on your phone counting down slowly - some rerun of an old TV show playing. You sat on the floor, mindlessly smoothing out your skirt as you waited.

Jake broke the silence between you. “I’m getting my casts off soon.”

You smiled as you looked up at him, “dude, that’s great! Right in time for winter break.”

“You got any plans?”

You did, but they fell through. So you shook your head, “not really? My dad and I used to go on this trip every year but we decided it’d be easier to... not this year, I guess. What about you?”

He grew somber, toying with one of the strings from his jacket. “Not really.”

“Really?” You said, “Jake Dillinger doesn’t have plans at all? What about your parents?”

He changed almost instantly. The somberness disappeared only slightly as he looked up. “They aren’t around.” He started simply. Because that’s all it was - a fact.

“They aren’t-”

“They laundered money and they’re on the run,” he admitted, shrugging. You sort of gaped at him, struggling to find words.

And they came to you slowly. “Are you okay?”

That was new. Last time he told someone, the first thing people would say was about how that’s illegal or he’d only get a shocked silence back. He sort of nodded a little. “Yeah.” Then he realized how he sounded and he smiled and ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah! I’m fine!”

You didn’t buy it. You remembered Jason’s empty room upstairs and it was impulsive but you looked back to Jake. “My brother’s away and can’t make it home. He’s, uh, in college and... I don’t know - I’d have to ask my dad but it’s winter break and I don’t think anyone deserves to be alone at this time of year and you seem nice enough even after everything that happened and just- maybe you could stay with us? Just for winter break - I mean, it’d probably be nice to stay somewhere for a while and - I don’t know, sorry, it’s a weird idea-”

“I’d like that.”

Jake Dillinger was living in your house. Okay - not living, really. He was... sort of lodging in your house. Just for winter break, only because your dad was immediately alright with Jake from the first word he said to him, and all you ever heard about was what a charming boy Jake was - why don’t you date Jake, [y/n]? Jake Dillinger seemed like a good boy who did extracurricular stuff all the time and had good grades and was good at sports before he quit them.

“It’s just that,” you said to your friend, Isaac, leaning against the counter at Pinkberry, “he’s cute. He’s really cute,” you watched him scoop raspberries, “and he’s sweet.”

Isaac shrugged, “I know, [y/n]. If you like him, then ask him out.”

You stared at him. “Isaac-”

“You already know he likes you.”

“I don’t know if he likes me,” you refuted. “I mean, Isaac, I just... I don’t know if he was interested in me or in fucking me,” you lowered your voice. “I don’t want to just be another girl swept off her feet by Jake Dillinger.”

“Then don’t be, [y/n]. Look,” he said, “if you want to date Jake, then ask him out. Talk to him. Make an effort. If you don’t want to date him, then don’t. If he touches you, I’ll break his legs again.”

“Isaac!” You looked to him, only to see him crack a small smile.

“I’m kidding. [y/n]. We both know Dillinger could beat me up. I’m not that manly,” he shrugged.

“You’re the manliest dude I know, Isaac.”

“Manlier than Jake?” He asked, pushing his hat up a little, out of his eyes.

“Definitely!” The girl on the other side oft he counter piped up, apparently not as absorbed in her phone, “Jake’s like a puppy-” she paused for a moment, “I think you could knock Jake out with your pecs.”

Isaac glowed in awe of her comment before smiling. You knew this girl from somewhere.

Brooke. That’s who she is. The moment you glanced at her phone, it seemed to chime against her palm. She clicked her phone off, sliding it into her jeans pocket as best as she could. “You know,” she said, not bothering to lower her voice as it was only the three of you - the little yogurt place strangely empty for once - “Jake talks about you a lot.”

“What?”

“[y/n], he really likes you,” she said, dragging out the word, “a lot.”

You stared at her. “Brooke,” you said, looking around the near empty room, “I don’t want to be used for sex-”

“Jake isn’t like that,” she cut you off without a moment of hesitation, pressing her lips together.

“I know.” You said slowly, “I’m just... scared, I guess.”

Isaac knew the weight of your words, as he remembered you with puffy eyes and tears staining your cheeks barely a year back. Brooke stared, before realization struck. Oh god, she knew you more than she thought-

“[y/n],” she said, “Jake isn’t like him. He wouldn’t che-”

“I know.” Your gaze falls to the floor, your fingers curled into your palm tightly. “I know he wouldn’t, but part of me just doesn’t want to take that chance.”

Isaac changed the topic and then Brooke left and you only stood with a chilling pain in your chest.

God, you didn’t want to think of him again.

Jake tailed behind you as you kept your eyes pinned to the list of ingredients. So maybe you ended up dragging him along for grocery shopping one night since your dad was working and you weren’t and you needed to get ingredients for Christmas breakfast (a tradition you and your dad began, and something you’d probably never give up) - and probably some dessert and the ingredients for your s’mores bark that you’d make for your dad’s coworkers and for Isaac every year. You’d explained everything to Jake in the car, and while your eyes were on the road, his were on you, taking in every curve and blemish of your face. His eyes fell to your lips. Red. The same red you wore every Friday because it made you confident and a little confidence boost at the end of the week, something to push you through the final stretch before the weekend. You kept talking and Jake half-listened as he sort of smiled at how invested you were in your plans.

Jake never told anyone - but you were really really cute when you rambled. And by ‘never told anyone,’ the entire lunch table knew because that’s all he talked about. They would be dead if they took a shot for every time that Jake talked about your cherry lips, about how your nose would crinkle at a dumb joke, about how you’d get lost in certain songs when they’d play on the radio. They knew. You didn’t - but they probably knew too much about you just from what Jake kept gushing, details painting you in lovely shades of pink and red and all the colors that came with Valentine’s Day. Sometimes it felt like Jake was all but drawing little hearts with your names together and wondering how many roses he’d give you and what poem he could use to sweep you off your feet.

“Jake?”

Your voice snapped him back to reality. You stood at the end of the aisle, and apparently he’d been staring at the cake mixes for a few minutes while you’d been mapping out a proper route through the store. He watched as you smiled a little, toying with the edge of the thin sweater you wore.

“Y’know,” you said, pulling the shopping cart back before you abandoned it for a moment, striding over to his side, “we could bake something if you wanted.”

It was stupid how much he lit up at that, but he was happy to do anything with you - especially if it was something you two shared as a passion. So you two settled on a box mix, since you already had enough to do - it’d be easier to clean up in the end anyhow. Plus Jake wanted to show off how skilled he was at icing cookies and you were happy to sit back and watch - either it’d end up a mess or it’d end up amazing, and you were betting on the latter considering you had the great Jake Dillinger gloating about his skills.

You shivered on the way to the car, Jake pushing the shopping cart behind you. The sound of the cart being pushed over the pavement ceased, and you turned around to find Jake holding out the sweatshirt he’d been wearing. You sort of smiled, thanking him as you questioned him - but he shook his head. He’d be fine. You slipped it on and continued the walk.

Next thing you knew, Jake whizzed past you, riding the shopping cart out to where your car had been parked. You laughed - a heavenly sound like music to him, and he heard your steps approach him as he had hopped off, turning to face you. You were in his sweatshirt. You were wearing his sweatshirt and you were adorable and laughing and your cheeks were red from the cold-

You’d crashed into him, the ground somehow sending you slipping into his arms, hands smushed between the two of you. He expected you to apologize, drawing back immediately before making some comment. But you didn’t. You looked up and smiled before stepping away.

“If you keep looking at me like that, people are gonna say you’re in love with me, Jake.”

He chuckled. “Yeah.”

They’d be right.

Jake missed your house. He missed seeing you everyday, he missed the constant smell of apple pie, he missed the car rides or the late nights with dumb movies. He missed your dad’s small glances between the two of you, the dumb jokes he’d tell that’d make you groan while he’d laugh, which made Jake laugh in return because you were cute always. He missed the baking, the small back and forth you two would have occasionally, the argument about the best desserts - the best pies (you were always happy with apple pies and cherry pies, while Jake had to defend pumpkin, but gave in when you said the word cherry because even he had a weakness) or the best cupcakes or the best anything.

Jake Dillinger was lovesick. And everyone knew.

There was a key difference though: no longer was Jake between Rich and Jenna. Now you would slide into the seat next to him at lunch, displacing the flow of the group only slightly until the sight of you became a normal thing.

Speaking of the group - they loved you. The first time you joined them for lunch, you had brought cookies for them and that was enough to win over Michael and Rich (and slightly made Jeremy melt). Christine liked you after you talked to her about the upcoming musical, Brooke already knew you, and Chloe seemed to recognize your face as well - and slowly eased into her usual persona. Jenna had vaguely known about you from more than what Jake had said - but took to you quickly.

But the snacks kept coming weekly, so that definitely helped.

You didn’t join them everyday - but on the days that Isaac was up in the art room, focused on his work, you were there next to Jake. And one day you found a sweatshirt in the floor of your closet and wore it, and you had to ignore the burning looks as the group kept stealing glances at you and then to Jake and it clicked. This was Jake’s. You never gave it back to him - hell, you were pretty sure you slept in it once. When you said something to Jake about it, he shrugged it off with a smile.

“Keep it. You look cute in it.” Let them talk. Let them think things about us. Let them come up with their rumors.

But he didn’t say the rest.

As cheesy as it was, Jake kissed you on Valentine’s day. You’d been in your kitchen, making these raspberry white and dark chocolate tarts you’d found when Jake had caught your attention by calling your name softly. You’d almost thought he’d been hurt when you turned around, only to be greeted with his lips on your lips - something unexpected, definitely unexpected - and he had been more surprised when you kissed back. The fridge shut behind you with a soft gasp as you wrapped your arms around his neck, his hands resting at your hips. He broke away first, smiling like a dork.

“You,” he said, pausing as his forehead bumped at your own, “don’t know how long I’ve been wanting to do that.”

“Nope,” you said, popping the ‘p’ as you began to smile, “but I have a feeling that your friends do.”

You weren’t wrong. You definitely weren’t wrong.

“But,” you drew it out, “Isaac might know how badly I wanted that so...”

He kissed you again.

You asked him to prom. He was greeted with a box at lunch, five red velvet cupcakes sitting in order, chocolate letters spelling out ‘PROM?’ sticking out of the pale cream cheese icing. He was smiling like a dork and he kissed you and you swatted Rich’s hand away from one of the letters - ultimately scaring him and earning a laugh from the others. Jake changed your name in his phone to Cupcake for a week - before switching it to another pet name, which was a constant for him. You’d gone from just being ‘[y/n]’ to ‘[y/n/n]’ to ‘babe’ to ‘baby’ to ‘honey’ to ‘sweetie’ to ‘cupcake’ to countless other names within months. As if Jake was trying to find something that’d fit you and nothing happened to stick.

It was kind of cute. Meanwhile you’d settled on Prince Charming in your phone, and once called him princey as a joke, but it stuck.

You two were adorable - the cutest couple at prom, in your opinion. You fell asleep next to him in your bed, wearing his sweatshirt, his arm around your waist. You had another year for after-parties where you could get drunk and do stupid things. Right then, you wanted to just sleep and just be happy next to your boyfriend.

“Princess.” He had mumbled it, half-asleep, your head resting on his chest.

“Princey,” you ended up saying back, the word muffled against his chest. His arm grew slightly tighter around you, and he leaned down, craning his neck so he could press a quick kiss against the top of your head.

“Love you.”

You’d begun drifting off, quick to pull blankets over the two of you before you responded softly. “Love you more.”

He’d let you win this time. He’d prove how much he loved you later with peppered kisses and words sweeter than anything you two would ever bake.

#bean writes things #be more chill x reader #jake dillinger x reader #bmc reader insert #be more chill reader insert #be more chill #bmc #bmc x reader #jake dillinger

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marshmarrowsans · 7 years ago

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This Empty Love Leaves Us Alone: Chapter 1

Well, you just made the biggest mistake of your life, and you can't take it back. You can't rewind time like Frisk can, and even if you could... that would just be breaching his trust even more than you already have, wouldn't it? You can't take it back.

So what do you value more: honesty or mercy? tw: cheating!!! If it’s not obvious from the description, reader cheats on Sans, so only read if you’re ok with that content!

Ethanol. It was the first thing you smelled when you woke up.

You wished that it was because you drank the night before. It wouldn't make things okay, but... it would make them... slightly more understandable? Maybe?

... Maybe not. There was nothing understandable about you waking up with your nose nestled into a head of soft, curly hair. There was nothing excusable about you waking up naked next to a human man at all, or any man other than Sans, for that matter.

The reason you were smelling ethanol wasn't because of any consumption of excess alcoholic beverages the night before. It was coming from your discarded lab coat, lying on a heap next to the bed, along with all your other clothes.

You remembered everything. After all, you had no reason not to. You, the wrecking ball that you were, spilling the heavy bottle of reagent grade ethanol all over yourself and the table in your attempt to transfer it to a beaker. Him, coming over to see what the commotion was and, without thinking, pushing you to the emergency shower. The two of you laughing at his overreaction-- it was just ethanol, so the emergency shower was completely unnecessary. And then you were both there, soaking wet as if you weren't in a professional laboratory setting with fellow researchers all around you, as if it were some fucking fairytale moment out in the pouring rain, and he was leaning down to kiss you, and you weren't stopping him, and you were making out for as long as you could get away with, and you could feel the physical evidence of his yearning for you, and he offered to have you over for coffee and you knew exactly what he meant and you loved it--

You weren't thinking then. For hours that evening, you weren't thinking. You felt attractive. You felt desirable. You felt above it all for once in your life, like you had a power over him, and over your own life. Freedom was intoxicating.

Now you just felt sick. Last night, you'd dived headlong off a ledge, and today, you were in freefall, looking down to see there was nothing to catch you at the bottom. The euphoria was gone, your head was clear, and you were left wondering why, why, why the hell did you do that?

Back on that metaphorical ledge, what had you left behind? Sans, of course, and that was the most painful thing, but it wasn't all. What would Papyrus think of somebody who betrayed his brother like that, especially when Papyrus was such a strong supporter of your relationship with him? What would Toriel say to somebody who had been jealous of her a fair number of times, only to turn around and do the very thing they had been afraid of happening to them? Would even Asgore judge you for your mistake? Would Alphys ever be able to look you in the eyes again, knowing you threw away your relationship with Sans just to fuck the hot PI at your lab?

And most importantly, how far would Undyne go to hunt your ass down for this?

You felt so sick. Your heart was pounding, and not in that pleasant adrenaline-fueled way it did the night before. You could feel every limb in your body shaking as you stood in the middle of his room and pulled your clothes back on. You were shaking so much that you dropped your lab coat, that damn lab coat, twice, before cursing under your breath, rolling it up into a creasy ball and tucking it under your arm.

You wanted to trash this goddamn room and never come back. You just wanted to... scream.

And you did not want to be here for a second longer, nor did you want to wake your... boytoy? Because Kyle was sure as hell not your boyfriend. You fantasized about him sometimes, obviously, but he was not your boyfriend. Sans was. And even if Sans wasn't, this guy still wouldn't be your boyfriend. You weren't dumb enough to think that physical attraction conferred emotional compatibility.

You'd been avoiding it since the moment you woke up-- it was usually the very first thing you did in the morning-- but you removed your phone from your lab coat pocket and checked your notifications.

3 missed calls from Sandsome <3

17 texts from Sandsome <3

Shit. He didn't leave a voicemail, but he left a ton of texts. You skimmed through them, hardly reading them, only catching the words that made your stomach lurch.

Sandsome <3

hey babe, how's work?

Sandsome <3

hey, what do chemists do in the club?

Sandsome <3

they drop the base! ;D

Sandsome <3

... well i thought it was funny.

Sandsome <3

call me so i can hear u laugh at my jokes.

Sandsome <3

they keeping you late again? that's alright, rake in that overtime dough and we'll use it for a celebratory trip to grillbz over the weekend.

Sandsome <3

you da breadwinner

Sandsome <3

just don't overwork yourself, kay? i worry about you sometimes.

Sandsome <3

babe??

Sandsome <3

it's like two hours past the time your lab closes and you aren't home.

Sandsome <3

is this some kinda prank? are you trying to freak me out? it's working. i'm worrying my ass off over here. haha. really funny. you're really rattling this ol' skeleton's bones.

Sandsome <3

seriously. i don't care where you are or what you're doing. i'm not mad at you. just shoot me a text so i know you're safe.

Sandsome <3

where the fuck are you? you have never been this late to come home. ever.

Sandsome <3

alphys said she saw you leave the lab at the usual time but doesn't know where you went if not home.

Sandsome <3

i am really fucking scared rn

Sandsome <3

i'm going looking for you. if at any point you get these texts, just shoot me one back, you hear?

Sandsome <3

i love you.

So what do you do now? What is the right thing to do? Is there a right thing to do at all? You doubt it, but ultimately you decide that...

This would absolutely crush Sans. He's been through enough in his shitty life-- the last thing he needs is to hear that the one person he was ever able to completely open his heart to betrayed him when he needed them the most. Sans' bullshit detector might pick up on a bit of suspicious behavior, but you're confident in your ability to keep a secret. You decide to keep quiet and let him live in ignorant bliss. - Proceed to Chapter 2 - MERCIFUL Ending (Coming soon!)

Sans values honesty above all else. He'll be hurt, but he's a grown man who can deal with the pain of a betrayal like this, and it's your responsibility to tell him the truth and let him make his own decisions. The cat will be out of the bag, and all of your friends are going to find out for sure. This path ensures fallout. But you can't lie to him, even to spare his feelings. You decide to go straight home and tell Sans the truth. - Proceed to Chapter 3 - HONEST Ending (Coming soon!)

#sans/reader #sans x reader #ANGST #tw: cheating #reader cheats on sans and deals with the consequences #multiple endings #alternate endings #choose your own ending #... eventually... when i finish the story #also available on AO3~

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coffeesforfuckers · 8 years ago

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Our Summers Together Are My Best Kept Secrets And My Biggest Mistakes // Chapter Six

Ships: Peterick, Brallon, Ferard, Trohley, Jalex, Zian and others in the background

Description: Summers for most kids are spent going to the beach and on vacations with your family but lots are shipped off to summer camps for the whole summer. But the kids at Hempman Summer Camp actually beg to go! Patrick Stump, Andy Hurley and Joe Trohman all met there, they had all known each other for probably over a decade because of this absolutely amazing stay-away camp for kids from the ages of six to nineteen. All the kids that were there came back until they couldn't and they always had the same kids except a few new, younger, kids every year. That is until the year that the weird kid with the jet-black, dyed, black fringe and the crazy piercings and a couple tattoos comes in like he owns the place. That year also happens to be the same year that Patrick Stump gets gum stuck to the new emo kid's face and hair. It was love at first sight... But hate at first interaction for the blonde-haired, blue-eyed boy and the complete opposite for the new kid, Pete Wentz.

Chapter 6: Six: A New Year and a New Us and Some New Friends

Patrick

Another school year come and gone, one more year left of school and camp… I'm alright with school being done but I can't believe that next year will be our last summer here.

I'm sitting where I do every year, waiting for my friends to show up. I feel an arm lock around my shoulders and a hand ruffling my hair.

“First day back at camp!” Pete shouts excitedly. I shove him off of me.

“Get off me, jeez.” I grunt and Pete drops to sit on the ground beside the Stump I was on.

“We met in this very spot last summer, Pat!” He bumps my arm with his head.

“Yep.” I blow a bubble with my gum and Pete pops it, “Dick.” I mutter as I peel the goop off my face.

“Pete! Patrick!” Andy jogs towards us, “Have you seen Joe?” He pants, it looks like he ran all the way here.

“Nope, sorry Andy. Did you check the cabin?” I reply.

“Not yet, thanks though. Talk soon!” He runs off and both Pete and I give each other a look.

“Weird.” We say in unison and Pete laughs with a grin on his face.

“Jack and Alex moved into cabin A with Rian and Zach this year. It's just You, Joe, Andy and I.” I inform and he shrugs.

“That sucks but oh well.” Pete shrugs at me, “Wanna go on an adventure?” He winks, making me laugh.

“Sure, where to?” I ask.

“The tree?” He suggests and I stand, he grins and we're off to a woods.

Dallon

By midnight I'd given up on the idea of Brendon showing up even when he'd promised he'd come.

My phone buzzes with a new message as I'm typing to him.

BeeboBreadbin : Fuck I just got this, I haven't had much battery and shut my phone off

BeeboBreadbin: I'm lost, I'm so sorry fuckkk

Dal-Do: Send me your location, I'm on my way to Pick u up rn

BeeboBreadbin: I'm sorryyyyyyy!!!

I stumble around, getting dressed and ready to head out I surprisingly didn’t wake anybody even while bumbling around like an elephant in a glass shop.

I walk out to my car and jump in, still waiting for Brendon to send me the location of where he’s at. I start it up and pull out of my parking space, starting the long as hell drive down the path through the woods. It took about twenty minutes to reach the road.

I’m probably ten minutes down the path when I notice a figure by the edge of the road about a mile up and I’m very confused. I slow down as I approach it come to a stop probably a bit more than a half-mile from whatever it was. I check my phone and see the location and look up once more. That’s when I realize what that figure was and I burst into hysterical laughter as I see that idiot sitting on his bag with a few others around him. I throw my door open and my loud cackling echos through the silent, pitch-black evening. Brendon jumps up and that’s when he notices its me, he runs towards me and throws himself onto me, both of us hitting the ground.

“Dal-do!” He shouts, his voice was just as gorgeous as him.

“Forehead!” I laugh at him and he smacks my arm playfully, “You complete idiot! How long have you been walking!?”

“The uber driver dropped me off like a mile or so from here and so I’ve been walking for a while and then I thought I had the wrong place cause this road was so long.” He frowns and I smile at him, sitting up and pushing him off me even though it felt really nice.

“Get your shit, put it in my car and I’ll bring you to camp.” Brendon jumps up and grabs his stuff, I help carry it to the car. He’d brought a whole lot of stuff.

We drive back to the car park and lug his stuff to the cabin. He was so tiny, I always expected him to be taller, then again, I am practically a giant. We get to the cabin and everybody is now awake. Spencer and Jon doing their thing off in the corner and Ryan had just gotten in.

Brendon spots Ryan and as soon as Ryan waves at him and throws him a smile, I know I lost him.

“I’m Brendon, Dallon’s friend.” He sticks his hand out to Ryan who smiles softly.

Shit.

“I’m Ryan, not so much Dallon’s friend. Not so much any of these loser’s friends.” Ryan mutters and takes Brendon’s hand.

“That’s kinda mean, dude. Dallon’s really nice and funny and he talks about Spencer and Jon a lot and they’re really nice too from what I know.” Brendon frowns.

“Well, I’m a bitch.” Ryan shrugs, “But I can’t say that I don’t like you.” He looks Brendon over.

“Fuck off Ryan.” I snap.

“What? I can’t make friends?” He glares at me.

“I’m going to bed.”

Alex

I lay awake, I can’t sleep. Jack can, but he’s restless. I wish I could comfort him, just climb into the bed with him and hold him. I miss him so much but he seems to be fine without me around. He ignores me and pretends I don’t exist whenever I try to talk to him.

This time he won’t I decide and slip out of my bed, leaning over Jack’s, shaking him until he’s awake, “What? What’s wrong? What happened?” He slurs, sitting upright and looking around. His eyes land on me and he frowns angrily.

“Jack…” I whisper, “Come with me.”

“No way in hell, Alex.” He snaps.

“Please…” I beg softly.

“Fuck off, Alex.” He grunts, going to lie back but I grab him.

“Jack, I’m begging you, please just come with me.” I speak desperately and he lets out an agrivated huff, relenting to my begging and pleading.

“Fine.” He mutters, getting up and going over to the closet of bags to grab clothes.

“No, just come, no need to get dressed.” I grab his arm and he pulls away.

“I’m putting on a shirt at least.” He glares at me for a moment. I wouldn’t mind looking at him like this though, he’s got a great body.

“Okay…” I murmur. It takes forever for him to find the thing he wanted to wear. Always so picky. This was also why he was always late.

I tug him out into the evening and he shivers so I give him my jacket. He takes it to my surprise.

“Jack, I want to try again. This time no secrets, no lies. I love you and I want everybody to know because I am proud to be yours, to be called yours. I love you so much, Jack and it’s hell without you, please just let me try again.” I beg.

“You said this last time, Alex. You then went back on your word not even a week later.” Jack crosses his arms, “So, no. Not until you can prove to me that you’re not lying.”

I had a mission and Alex Gaskarth never turns down a challenge.

***

The next morning I’m actually up in time for breakfast. I sit with Dallon, Jon, Spencer, Rian, Zach and Mikey, Jack sits as far away from our group as possible, sitting with the weird, wanna-be emo kids.

“You’re up early, ‘Lex.” Zach smiles at me. Usually I missed breakfast from my long sleeping habits.

“Yeah, I just couldn’t really sleep.” I shrug sleepily. It wasn’t a complete lie.

“You okay?” He asks and I shrug again.

“I-... I have to do something.” I stand up and everybody expects me to leave, looking at me like I was crazy when I jumped up onto the table, everybody around us that noticed also watched me weirdly, “I have an announcement to make if I can have your attention for a moment!” I call out, shaking with nerves.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Dallon whisper/yelled at me as everybody turned to watch me but my eyes were fixated on Jack who didn’t even bat an eye at me and continued talking to some guy at his table.

“Can I have everybody’s attention please!” I repeat and he still doesn’t move, “I just have to prove a point to somebody in here… Last summer I finally got up the balls to ask out the person I’ve been in love with for my entire life but it was ended because I was an asshole and wanted to keep ‘us’ a secret. I just want to say that I’m not keeping secrets anymore. I love Jack Barakat and I want you to please, please take me back.” I say loudly and hear a few gasps but Now Jack was on his face, his eyes wide at my statement. He jumps up onto his table and I roll my eyes, always making it a competition.

He points at me, “Alex Gaskarth, you sure do have some balls doing something this crazy! I can’t say no to crazy like that!” He starts to smile at me and I smile back. The room is silent and it’s so awkward, both of us just standing there, staring at each other with everybody else staring at us, “That’s a yes by the way.” He chuckles as he hops off the table and I do as well, there are some cheers but mostly nobody cares . Jack is over to my table before I even touch the floor again and he’s hugging me in a bone crushing hug that I melted into.

“You had to make a scene for that?” Rian points out.

“Yeah like couldn’t y’all just kiss a bit and be done with it.” Zach chuckles.

“Leave them alone.” Mikey smiles, “Let them have their moment and ridicule them at the wedding.”

I roll my eyes and kiss Jack passionately. I missed that sweet taste of his. He always tasted like candy with a hint of Jack Daniels, he also smelled like chocolate and Jack Daniels too. He had a thing for candy and alcohol.

“Ew, no kissing in my lobby.” Groans Gerard as he approached our table.

“You're just salty cause the only person that would ever kiss you like that is a dude.” Mikey retorts, looking up at his brother from his phone.

“Fuck you.” He mutters, sitting down at the table.

Gerard

Mikey let's out a soft snort at my reply, “Frank would.”

“Oh my fucking Christ, shut the fuck up Mikey.” I groan, Frank definitely was not into me, he was dating some girl and they were all over each other whenever I saw them together. Nobody ever believed me when I said that I was straight and so was Frank. Well I mean, I was lying, I'm bi but nobody needs to know that.

Even though I was bi I would never date Frank. Not in a million years.

“Gerard, I think you may need glasses more than me.” He mutters and turns to glance up at me from his lesbian-librarian glasses.

“Fuck you, Mikey.” I grunt.

“Fr-”

“Say it and this fork will be in your neck.” I hiss, not even looking up at him.

“Gee’s in a bad mood today.” Jack ruffles my hair and I glare up at him.

“Gee!” I hear Frank's voice echo out and I instantly groan, gripping my fork tighter in my hand, “Hey, Boo!” He giggles and kisses my neck.

“Fuck off, Frank.” I mutter through gritted teeth.

“Fucking hell… You're pissy today.” He grumbles, pulling away from me. I was being a bitch, I can admit but I mean, can you blame me? I was being harassed.

Frank sits next to me and pulls an envelope out of his pocket, dropping it on the table in front of me. I pick it up and open it, pulling out the contents.

“Whoa!” I choke and drop the papers onto the table, “Fucking Sleeping With Sirens tickets! Are you for real!? These have been sold out for months!” I shout, “You lucky bastard!”

“Happy late birthday, Gee! Very late but I just got them.” Frank grins at me.

“These are for me?” I ask him, my voice cracking.

“Yep, I have to let you know that I got you meet and greets but the passes aren't here yet. They should be here next week.” He smiles at me.

“Holy shit… Frank, why did you do this?”

“I don't know, you're my best friend and you love them and deserve to see them.” He shrugs, “That girl you like is into them too right? You should bring her!” Frank genuinely was the sweetest person ever.

“What? No, you're coming with me, Dumbass!” The look of shock that crosses his face is surprising.

“Really?”

“You bought them you nit, of course you're coming!” I smile at him and he hugs me.

He's too touchy.

Brendon

Ryan and I were super close. Well, dating really. The first few weeks were great but Ryan has been more impatient and temperamental. He hates when I talk to Dallon... or anybody for that matter. He was too jealous for me and I was beginning to be miserable.

Chapter Masterlist ~

Previous -

One - The Gum Habit Gone Bad

Two - On the Rooftop with You

Three - I Have a Forehead Texting Me and He’s Kind of Cute?

Four - Memories I Keep Locked Away for Times Like This

Five - Crying into the Void That is You

Next -

Seven - Abandoning You Was My Worst Mistake but Somehow You’re Still There For Me

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survivor-hosts · 7 years ago

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Ep. #7: “C’mon Rat, Follow the Cheese” - Jessy

The tribes merged and all of the pre-mergers were added to the merge tribe as the Karma Island twist was revealed. The players started campaigning to get back in and Cat, Austin, and Drew chose to drop out and become voters. After a whole day of scrambling and a messy voting situation, Connor was voted back into the game. The tribe was given their first immunity challenge and Matt was able to solve it and win immunity quite quickly. After no one talked the day before the vote, the players started scrambling last minute with one side trying to decide whether to vote off Sam or MJ while the opposing side was trying to decide between Allison or Connor. In the end, MJ and Sam's alliance threw their votes on Andrew to thwart any posisble idol play. Sam also used her vote negator to cancel Allison's vote for MJ. Andrew was sent home in a 5-4 vote.

HAHAHAHAHA so it's 9:58 and I should go to tribal and I was on call with Connah and then Lydia and MJ called and added Connah and MJ told me I might be getting votes so I might be getting voted out idk adios fuck this shit!

Can't wait to be seventh boot

[12:51:33 PM] mj ultra . _/: bih wtf. [12:51:39 PM] connah. i guess.: I didn't do anything. [12:51:40 PM] mj ultra . _/: oh you really wanna fight me tonight huh yes bitch i do. yes we are in a partnership but i'm not your bitch. i'm not gonna sit here and do everything you want but it's fine because people will hopefully see you as a bigger threat so if they gonna try take one of us out... can't say i'm too sorry about it. his ass wants to sit here and vote lydia back when we literally just voted her out? i see where he's coming from because we might be able to use lydia tbh but he's literally shutting down any ideas i had so i'm kinda angry rn.

mj's gameplay has really rubbed off on me... my ass just blindsided lydia and now i'm really down for voting her back in? i had my fun pre-merge but now it's time to really get this shit going

http://prntscr.com/fn4qxy http://prntscr.com/fn4r1v At first I thought Connor would have the highest chance of returning but after hearing a few things I think REGAN has the best shot??? When and how did that happen?

Hmmmmm I'm feeling really weird in this tribe. It's as if I don't belong.....That's the vibe I'm getting. Whatever. I'm sticking to my strategy of not talking to people. Hey it worked TWICE and got me to the end twice. It works. People come to me with information at once. I hope I can pull it off again.

so like I mighta just made a chat with myself Scott jessy Allison josh and Connor to save Connor bc David was a bust. Highkey still don't trust Scott and sam Matt mj and connah are trying for Lydia and I'm like no fuck off? When the phone battery goes down my chaotic gameplay goes up. Like idc whomstve is gonna be pissed i am GETTING Connor in this game. Drew and cat should have sacrificed themselves for him too so here's to fucking hoping. If Lydia comes in I'm dead straight up gay up!

push me to the edge i wish i was dead why is scott a snake scott u little snake push me to the edge i wish i was dead lydia im the wrong connor please stop making my life harder push me to the edge mask off, task off back off, mask off i dont really care that im crying but i really care that youre lying edge dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun mask off, task off

i have lost all my motivation. i am a shell of a man i used to be

i am fucked. if i somehow get out of this mess i got myself into it would be a miracle.

Okay it's time for my second confessional because it's getting really hard dealing with these people and I need to vent. Like I really cannot.

After the Lydia vote off succeeded I tried to do major damage control with Matt and Scott. They both seemed to understand but I know they don't trust me anymore. Iit's not like they even realistically did. Maybe Matt did, but his reaction really shows his game. Scott seems to think he can snake his way around the two alliances but I'll bring up that later in this confessional. Anyways, it's announced that Karma Island is in play and immediately I'm worried. I fell into a position where I had to lead on Connor, David and Regan all at once because I legitimately had no idea who I wanted to return. I received information from Scott that MJ was on call with Sam and Lydia. They were

[4:26:26 AM] Jessy: i have some tea ladies! [4:27:05 AM] Jessy: So Scott is playing both sides. [4:27:09 AM] Jessy: and MJ/Connah/Josh are too. [4:27:21 AM] Jessy: MJ wants me to stay so he can use me for next tribal to get Sam out.. [4:27:26 AM] Jessy: But sis he has another thing coming. [4:29:43 AM] Jessy: sam acts like a 4 year old [4:29:47 AM] Jessy: "jessy probs just wants all of us on jury bc we're the ppl who knew her pregame so we'd give her our jury votes" [4:29:52 AM] Jessy: she said this [4:29:57 AM] Jessy: like no i want u on prejury [4:29:58 AM] Jessy: zzksjksksks [4:42:41 AM] Jessy: mj and connah rlly think they're so smart huh [4:42:42 AM] Jessy: like ur not. [4:42:42 AM] Jessy: BKLMASDFMKLDSMKLA [4:42:46 AM] Jessy: i literally know what ur doing [4:43:03 AM] Jessy: this is ur mo mj... [4:43:05 AM] Jessy: ur forcing myself into a situation where i have to go w/ him b/c my numbers are cut. [4:44:25 AM] Jessy: Like I know he's pitting me against Samatthew by telling me this information [4:44:29 AM] Jessy: But like.. [4:44:37 AM] Jessy: Damn they're literally Spencer and Tasha [4:52:02 AM] Jessy: I'm reading their games to filth. [8:18:39 AM] Jessy: me again [8:21:05 AM] Jessy: God why'd i tell connor i heard his name [8:21:06 AM] Jessy: LSJLSSKKSKS [9:52:09 AM] Jessy: SCOTT IS SUCH A FUCKING LIAR [9:59:32 AM] Jessy: time to get reads [9:59:35 AM] Jessy: and intel! [9:59:41 AM] Jessy: im legit gonna interrogate him idc [10:01:03 AM] Jessy: Nancy Drew who???? [10:01:16 AM] Jessy: im GETTING the dirt. [10:01:24 AM] Jessy: spill the beans! [10:01:50 AM] Jessy: seeing Scott is typing... answering my questions is so funny [10:01:57 AM] Jessy: Like ur nervous huh sis [10:03:32 AM] Jessy: does scott really think ill eat the bullshit hes putting out for me on a platter rn? [10:03:37 AM] Jessy: Like bitch what the fuck LAKSKSKKSKS [10:08:25 AM] Jessy: OK SCOTT IS LYING OUT OF HIS ASS [10:08:29 AM] Jessy: IM SICK OF IT [10:08:35 AM] Jessy: HOW DOES MJ KNOW U WERE HIGH THEN [10:08:44 AM] Jessy: LIKE UGH !!! [10:09:53 AM] Jessy: ok sam could've told mj! [10:09:57 AM] Jessy: interesting! [10:14:37 AM] Jessy: mj and scott together ? conspiracy theory ? [10:18:18 AM] Jessy: Oh yeah, I also found out last night that josh did vote for Lydia, but Connah switched his vote from Lydia to Connor and Trevor wouldn't allow him to change it back [10:18:26 AM] Jessy: i thought sam was being distant huh scott [10:20:12 AM] Jessy: There's holes in this scheme. [10:22:32 AM] Jessy: "Same" [10:22:34 AM] Jessy: keh [10:22:51 AM] Jessy: guess i'm done here. [10:23:51 AM] Trevor [Host of Hosts]: I'm samatthew [10:24:27 AM] Jessy: theyre literally spencer and tasha [10:24:32 AM] Jessy: mj is a cheap version of jeremy [10:26:00 AM] Trevor [Host of Hosts]: Who are you [10:26:45 AM] Jessy: i wanna say kelley but i don't wanna be cocky like matt

This is a recap on what happened before the Karma Vote. One reason is so that I can look back on it and the other is for Connor to read in the future. This is 100% what happened. Lydia made her pitch to me around noon yesterday and she had made valid points and I wouldn't mind her being back but my vote is locked to Connor at that point though I was still willing to listen to her so I can get info out of her. I messaged Connah a little later and he said he was going to vote Lydia back in so I had an inkling that something's up but shrugged it off because there's no way Lydia's coming back it's just not in the numbers. I went to bed and woke up at 6am with a bunch of messages and one of them was Lydia asking to call. I told her I only woke up randomly and was planning on sleeping a little bit more. I didn't know the vote was due at 8 and I woke up 30 minutes before the deadline. Jessy messaged me asking if MJ had come up to me and asked if Lydia's being voted back in and I said no because MJ and I haven't talked yet. A little while, Andrew messaged me asking who to vote and I said Connor and then I got added to the Saving Connor chat with Scott, Jessy, Allison and Connor. What surprised me the most is why Scott is there. I didn't understand. Next, MJ messaged me asking for my vote so that we can tie between Lydia and Connor. Now the thing is, I told them I would vote whatever they want to but my vote is locked to Connor unless they absolutely needed it because they're the two people I trusted the most in this game. And they really did need it. I went on call with Connor and told him that everyone's pulling my leg getting me to vote with them and then got on call with Connah making his case to me with Lydia and Lydia's on my pms making her case again and Scott and I were trying to figure out how we're going to go and mind you this is literally 5 minutes before the deadline and at that point everyone thought we could change votes. I was freaking out everyone was talking to me at the same time I felt very pressured that I just asked Scott to make a decision for me and he won't decide for me and Connah just started to tell me VOTE LYDIA VOTE LYDIA and without hesitation I changed. Now obviously that didn't fall through because Connor came back and he found out I changed my vote. Now he doesn't want to speak to me and probably burned my bridge with him and idk about the status of our friendship right now. I spilled so much critical information on Connor and if we went our separate ways and uses those against me then I'm fucked. I mentioned to Connor how I wanted to target Jessy because of how good she is and if that gets back to her than she's going to turn on me. My hope is that MJ, Sam, Scott, Connah and Matt form a 6 person alliance to get past this round. This game is taking a toll on me emotionally and I've been struggling to play since the first few days. I wasn't like this before. It isn't worth it. It's not worth it to lose a friendship over this. It's easy to say that you need to cut ties and turn the heart off but doing it for real is different. Connor, my explanation is probably something you did not want to hear and it's probably going to re-open wounds once this game is over because looking back on it now, the decision was stupid. It didn't have to be that way but I gave in because of pressure.

Honestly.... I just feel so defeated. I don't see myself really doing as great as I would have wanted to in this game, which is such a pessimistic way to think but its true. Like if I were to be going home tomorrow I wouldn't even care that I didn't make the jury. A lot just went down these past few days that made me realize why I retired in the first place. So to really go back, Lydia was blindsided. Not surprised that it happened cause I knew something fishy was going on, but surprised that out of everyone I was the most left out of the loop. Like no one bothered to tell me that the vote was getting split between Allison and Andrew. Like when Lydia left Jessy and Andrew had me on call and explained everything to me and why they did what they did. And like I'm really not mad at them for doing so. I think it was amazing on their part that they pulled it off. They told me how MJ and Connah were really wanting to get Lydia out, which caught me by surprise cause I thought they were really close. Afterwards, Sam gets me on call and is worried about what could happen in the future and who we have with us. And to my surprise, Matt Summers actually talked strategy with me for the first time. The story I got from them was that Jessy approached them and got them involved with voting Lydia. To make matters worse, we have to vote someone back into this game thanks to Karma Island. And I feel like this is gonna make things so much worse cause I'm starting to realize I only have myself in this game. Idk like in Maluku flipping was easy cause I had Maria and Mattica who I trusted more than anyone. I don't really trust anyone in this game, so it makes everything 10x worse. Connor talked to me and told me he doesn't hold that against me, and idk part of me really thinks if he IS going to come back, I need to vote him so I can prove to him that I can be someone he can actually work with later on. Especially with MJ/Connah/Sam/Matt being a sinking ship, I just feel like I need to find other resources when I need to. Plus the only person I trust in that group is Sam, and after hearing that MJ has wanted me out of this game for awhile now I don't see why I need to stick my neck out for them. That whole voting process was such a mess because I really didn't know what to do with all of that. Like I voted for Connor cause I was sure he was getting in, then Josh comes to me and says he didn't know what to do. Which like RIP cause I thought he already voted, and to make matter worse he told lydia and lydia went off on me in the pms. And like, the fact that this all went down when I was out with friends just made me realize that I'm too invested in this game and that I left for a reason. Idk the only reason why Connor is back is because Connah changed his vote and wasnt allowed to switch back. I'm just annoyed cause I'm really fucked in this game to the point of no return. And like Sam and them are trying to make sure I'm gonna vote with them but with Lydia out and the only person on that side i actually consider an ally being Sam, it just makes sense for me to go through with what I've been wanting to do for awhile and flip with Jessy and Andrew.

"fifth vote... lydia"

youtube

what the fuck is going on why is no one talking to me. fucking hell man, and then im gonna wake up again and have a shit ton of messages waiting for me when i check my phone. everything's happening at the very last minute in this game omg.

YALL TRIBAL IS 11 HOURS AWAY I DONT KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO AND IM GONNA BE ASLEEP IN 9 OF THOSE HOURS. FUCK IT.

you know how it'd be fun if i just go ghost the whole morning tomorrow lkfjskjdfhskjfs *deletes Skype*

OKA Y BUT S ERIOUSLY im sick and tired of waking up in the morning where a plan has already been made and i have no say in it. fuck it a guy needs his sleep its yalls fault for not making a plan during our off day ! btw if i get voted out tomorrow im gonna be salty af trevor why did you have to have the first merge boot not a jury member i dont want to miss out on JURY! !!!!!

everyone is getting on my god damn nerves TODAY !

On 25/06/2017, at 8:30 PM, connor wrote: > hi background music plays: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpLU8BI02wQ

Okay so I just laid out all the info I got today. I talked to Scott this morning I said does he know for sure Sam has a vote negator or is it a hunch? He said it was a hunch and he doesn't really know, so I got sus. He was high last night so maybe he let it slip MJ told me that Scott was high last night so I wanted to find a way to vertify what he said about Scott/Sam/Matt/MJ/Connah being all on a group call [6/24/2017 10:09:30 AM] Jessy: did you tell anyone you were high LMAOOOOO i'd be so non functional if i was high and game talking [6/24/2017 10:09:40 AM] Scott: I mean I told sam It's possible that Scott is either lying about him telling Sam specifically, or Sam just told MJ that Scott was high and he happened to tell me this He said this when I asked him about the Sam call: [6/24/2017 9:51:38 AM] Jessy: did anything important come out of the sam call [6/24/2017 9:51:58 AM] Scott: Honestly it just made me realize that she doesn't trust me [6/24/2017 9:52:17 AM] Jessy: fuck! [6/24/2017 9:52:25 AM] Scott: She asked me what my relationship was with you [6/24/2017 9:53:05 AM] Scott: And if I actually trusted you cause you're known to be deceiving for "organizing the whole Lydia vote and misting MJ/Connah" [6/24/2017 9:53:48 AM] Jessy: :$ would be me if i actually did! [6/24/2017 9:54:07 AM] Jessy: r they voting me [6/24/2017 9:54:25 AM] Scott: I mean we never got around to actually talking about it [6/24/2017 9:54:32 AM] Jessy: oh okay [6/24/2017 9:54:39 AM] Jessy: who do you think she would go for [6/24/2017 9:55:32 AM] Scott: But I wouldn't be surprised if that's what they were wanting to do cause sam really just kept mentioning how I felt about you [6/24/2017 9:57:03 AM] Jessy: that's offputtig [6/24/2017 9:57:08 AM] Jessy: *offputting [6/24/2017 9:58:02 AM] Scott: Yeah, but it's just really clear that damage was done last night so I'm not even sure what's gonna be happening from here on out It made me think that I'm unsure if Scott is just lying about the call or if MJ is just trying to come up with a scenario for me to think is happening so I won't pull any moves. Then, I talked to MJ about the vote and he said that he was going to be on a road trip today so he's probably asleep by now. I talked to Connah about the game while MJ was online and while we were talking about the whole thing of us being on different sides, MJ pmed me. He said he pmed me because Connah sent him a funny quote about a joke I made. Then, I asked him if Connah sent him any game logs. The game logs were about us being on different sides in the Lydia/Connor returnee vote and then he kept on acting like he didn't know who was going to go because no one was talking to him. I asked him if Sam would be a vote he would want, and he said it depends if we have the numbers. He said I have to convince Allison+Andrew+Connor myself because he doesn't want to get himself involved in something controversial this tribal council after last round. I asked MJ about this, and he said Connah specifically said: "idk if I wanna stick with jessy or go with sam" "like I'm just confused" This made me paranoid, because I didn't know if Connah meant "stick with jessy" as a vote or "go with sam" as a vote. It's possible that MJ made it look like he meant regarding alliances and not a vote off, but it still made me paranoid. MJ then told me Connah went on call with Sam. MJ said he asked Connah what was going on and they were just talking about who they wanted to go. MJ said they both leaned towards Connor leaving. MJ then said Connah thought he should go with Sam (as in alliances). MJ said he would try to convince him to "string me along" next round and use me to vote Sam off. MJ then said if Sam convinced Connah to vote for me, he would try to convince him to go after Sam this round. MJ said he would prefer Connor to go now and Sam next round, but he's willing to consider it by starting it off with a conversation with Connah tomorrow. Our conversation ended, and I thought that I should try to message Sam in some way and let her know that I'm "flexible". I then said that people probably think we aren't together in the game and we could play that to our advantage. She said she was down if I was, but proceeding this she kept on saying she didn't know what she wanted to do and that "she has no power to throw out a name." This really annoyed me so I asked her who does and she said she doesn't know. Our conversation ended, but during it Connah messaged me asking me if I'm talking to anyone because it's really quiet. I was feeling a vibe that Sam told Connah she was talking to me, so I told him I was trying to resolve my issues with Sam. It got awkward so our conversation kinda died off. During all this, Andrew, Allison and Connor didn't have a lot to say about anything. Connor said he was at work all day and came back at 10 PM EDT and said sorry he was at work. I said it was okay then asked him if he talked to Josh recently. He never replied and then I asked him again an hour later and still received no reply. Now, Scott says he's back and is messaging my alliance chat with himself and Andrew. I haven't talked to Matt at all this vote. I said hey to Allison in pms but she never replied because I'm pretty sure she's been offline. I haven't talked to Josh either, but I have an opportunity to tonight because it's 2 PM for him in Phillippines.

Decisions, decisions.... I hate my position in this game as the "middle man" Anyways, Jessy/Andrew I think are expecting me to flip and vote Sam with them this round, but tbh I don't think I can flip on Sam and vote her out. Like if she goes, I don't want to be apart of that just because she trusts me a lot with her game. However, if they can manage to get her out this round I'm all theirs. Sam/MJ and co. said they want to do Allison, and because I don't trust Allison i think it might be safest for me to just vote her out and only flip if they're wanting to vote out Jessy/Andrew. Also spoke on call with Connor and hes trying to convince me to flip. The only way I see myself voting with them is if they vote MJ. But I just don't think that is realistic since Jessy is set on voting Sam. Which I personally cannot do since she is the only one I trust on that other side. Idk its all very up in the air, hopefully it isnt me that goes

9wegwpirangwfj tribals in an hour and a half and I really don't know what I'm gonna do. Apparently Josh would be okay with voting out MJ but I'm not sure if he really would. Part of me is thinking I should just vote Allison and if it ties, then I flip cause I don't wanna be rocked out pre-jury, especially since the only person I trust on Sam and Co side is Sam. I just know this is gonna be one huge clusterfuck

So.... much.... stress.... Josh and I agreed on just voting with the separate blocks, but I forgot that Sam has a vote negator so now I have to decide if I'm actually gonna go through with that plan or just flip and vote MJ. hregehgoihiqrehie I HATE THIS GAME

This game? Is crazy. I want to die. Somehow, through almost FIVE HOURS of acumalitive calls, I have managed to flip Josh and Scott so that we have majority. MJ SHOULD be going home. I literally did that. Like, i LITERALLY did THAT. Good god. Fingers crossed. It just makes sense? With MJ being a winner already and very good at flipping votes and winning challenges, we have the time to take him out so lets do it. Sam would be easier to vote out and I know Jessy wanted to, but with Matt having another idol and being immune, the two of them are too close for comfort. Actually, this entire game is too close for comfort. end my life.

why am i in the middle. i mean i guess i should count my blessings because i'm not getting voted out but this is such a hard position to be in

#torchsnuffers

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