#I’m just tired of my personality disorder being portrayed as this thing that immediately makes you an evil monster like dude

[bloodheartz]

Every time I see a post that’s like “hey don’t do this behavior! It’s rude, and even quite toxic” there’s like 12 replies or tags that are like “um only NARICSSISTS do this, to MANIPULATE us 😡” and it’s like… first of all no?? Anyone’s capable of shitty behavior, stop arm-chair diagnosing anyone you don’t like with a real personality disorder people deal with. Second of all I promise you that not every single narcissist is some evil villain out to get you, and most are literally just?? Normal people?! Leading normal lives.

[dukeofonions]

I'm back again. With more complaints

Why the hell is Virgil the main character? And don't try to tell me that he isn't. Every episode since AA has been about this purple bitch.

But like. The fandom saw, a teacher who strives for perfection, a half snake-half man with trust issues but sole purpose is to protect, a dad who wants the best for his children even if he's sacrificing his own health, and a pair of twins who were originally the same person but split in two.... And the emo is the main character?

I don't get it. I'll probably never get it.

I wouldn't have such a problem if other characters got to do things without Virgil being the star. Like, in dwit we got a whole new fucking character! Huge lore reveals surrounding Remus! But Virgil says that he was a "darkside" (something that Roman completely made up. So it shouldn't even be an issue here) and all that is shoved to the side?

Plus nothing even happened with it! Virgil showed up in athd, acted completely normal, and then left! With no mentioning of the past "revelation"!

Plus, like Virgil buddy... Why the fuck did you hiss at Janus when he came to get HIS shit after Roman stole it!! If that happened to Virgil the fandom would be having a soap opera.

Plus Virgil is a complete dick! "I'm going to prohibit your breathing" to Logan when he was doing his fucking job. And he's really rude to Patton almost every episode (I can go on another rant about my problems with patton...) even though patton was the first to accept him!

Everything Virgil does has zero consequences.

Not to mention the fandom's babying of him. Portray the characters how you want (hell, I personally view Janus as the youngest, shortest, and a fucking blond), but I have a huge problem with babying anxiety.

I have anxiety. I have an anxiety disorder. I have four fucking anxeity disorders. And when my anxiety is heightened its not "owo! I'm so anxious! I need a hug immediately and think that everyone hates me!" no. No it's "I can feel someone breathing down my neck, despite being home alone. My friends hate me, no one would even come to my funeral. What do you think your family thinks of you? Bet they say you're a disappointment."

And I personally find it really upsetting that something I struggle with daily is babied! Anxeity medication is demonized as something that would kill Virgil. Panic attacks are regularly viewed as something that only takes ten minutes out of your day and then you're fine. Where in reality, after a panic attack I sleep for 8 hours, am still tired when I wake up, and are mentally drained for the rest of the day.

Almost everything that the fandom represents anxeity as is wrong, incorrect, and harmful.

Plus Virgil's a dick.

A rant brought to you by someone who should be sleeping, is very angry at the babying of anxiety, and really wants a cookie

I love me some good Virgil criticism in the morning.

Honestly everything you said is something I've been thinking about for awhile. Especially with how anxiety is portrayed in the series. Yes, anxiety is different for everyone, and for a lot of people anxiety is (pardon my language) a bitch.

If I could choose to either manage my own anxiety better or be rid of it completely you can guarantee I would choose the latter in a heartbeat.

At this point I'm just gonna have to make a whole post on this topic because there is way too much to cover in a single response regarding the Virgil/Anxiety problem.

[disastergay]

If you could rewrite v3 what would you change

well since you asked,,,

make the characters not assume the worst intentions from each other (and at least try to make nice with each other while stuck in the killing game)

I’d give Tenko a more solid character development arc, which would culminate in her realizing that she’s a lesbian. and she can live a life completely free of any and all men if she wants to (as long as she has a healthy mindset and isn’t ignoring any potential unresolved trauma in her past by doing so)

since I frequently dabble in virtual reality AUs, I like to think that a lot of the things the odd, uncomfortable, and even downright cruel things characters said during the game were a result of Team DR tampering with their fake personalities. so I wouldn’t change a lot about the canon content, but I WOULD add a lot of new information postgame (e.g. Korekiyo’s entire arc being some twisted Team DR member’s idea of shock value, Tsumugi thinking she’s the mastermind when really that’s all just part of her own fake memories, etc.)

as someone with PTSD, I was pretty dissatisfied with how the game handled the characters’ reactions to Kaede’s horrific execution. and like, you could probably argue that if this is just a virtual reality, the Team DR programmers could “delete” any extremely detrimental symptoms of PTSD, but individual responses to trauma is definitely something I want to explore in my post-canon fics

I’m tired of the goddamn fanservice! let female characters take a fucking bath in peace!!!

speaking of female characters, I’m annoyed that I can’t recall a single canonically dark skinned male character (aside from Yuta, who was barely a cameo in UDG). to my knowledge, all the dark skinned characters in the main DR game trilogy have been a) women, b) potrayed as extremely ditzy, overly violent, or both, and c) have big boobs that are barely covered (with the exception of Sakura, who is instead so muscular her classmates initially believe she’s a man, which is extremely gross and transmisogynistic). TL:DR; it’d be nice if Shuichi, Kaito, and/or Kaede were dark skinned, since everyone in DRV3 except Angie (portrayed as both ditzy and a cult leader) is extremely light-skinned

I want Shuichi to try harder to understand the others, prioritizing their well-being over his social anxiety and low self-esteem. if he made more of an effort to understand Maki and Kokichi better as people, the final murder trial might not have even happened. for someone who immediately figured out his best--his only--friend in this game was a killer, he wrote Maki off as a harmless loner and Kokichi off as a heartless villain way too easily. don’t even get me started on all of Keebo’s showcased functions in the final scene, those would’ve been so fucking useful to know about ahead of time??

definitely the way tone was handled. I frequently felt like I was being jerked back and forth between genuinely poignant moments and snarky cartoonish slapstick routines, and it was so offputting I actually abandoned DRV3 until I accidentally stumbled across some spoilers that piqued my curiosity again. idk, maybe this one’s just me being picky, I only like quick shifts in tone if they serve a purpose beyond “it’s a stylistic choice” 

last but not least, the ending. in my opinion, DR1 should’ve been the only game where the events took place in real life (and honestly I’m flexible on that, I’m still bitter about Taka and Mondo). not only does repeated use of the virtual reality trope really drive home Junko’s continued impact on the world even after her death, but it allows the audience to interpret the events of the sequels as closer to battling mental illness and/or disorders than actual cold-blooded murder. I want to see these characters work through the trauma of their belief that they died in these horrible ways and come out the other side strong again, because I want to believe I can achieve the same thing someday

so, yeah. these are my thoughts, I hope I was able to live up to your expectations :’)

[things2mustdo]

I went to visit my family for Thanksgiving, and as usual, I was confronted with numerous blue pill beliefs. While I’m no longer annoyed by these things, because I’ve gone through the “Return Journey” phase of swallowing the red pill, I did notice something that was extremely disturbing.

As I grew tired of arguing over basic political, economic, and gender points, I meandered downstairs to my family’s recreation room. There was a group of my younger relatives, aged 16-20, watching some show on Netflix about trans-gendered individuals.

I don’t know what the show was called, but one thing that really struck me was the show’s uncanny ability to use emotionally charged scenes and drama to elicit a feeling of compassion for the characters. In other words, numerous TV shows are now starting to take advantage of our natural empathy, and using it to sway our political and social opinions.

Emotionally Gripping

As I stood behind the couch watching a few minutes of this transgender show, I saw a very heart wrenching scene take place. Although the nuances of the story line were lost to me, I gathered enough information to see what was going on.

Basically, some guy was getting surgery to turn into a woman. As he was in the operating room, something went terribly wrong, and despite the surgeons’ desperate attempts to save him, he ended up perishing.

The following scene was comprised of extremely grief-inducing piano music played to various clips of the man’s children all mourning their loss. While this may seem innocuous, or like it’s just “creative, dramatic television,” I believe that it’s actually something far more sinister.

What’s going on here, is that the elites (because remember, this is a top down operation) are trying to traumatize the average American youth with images of the “horrors that transgender people go through!” They’re using television to create these emotional “triggers,” if you will, that will be ignited anytime someone says something against transgenders.

In other words, the trauma that occurs from becoming engrossed in this TV show (in our example) leaves an emotional residue of sorts, so that whenever the topic of transgenderism is brought up in conversation, the viewer subconsciously remembers the emotions associated with the topic which the TV show implanted into his mind.

Emotional Triggers

This became abundantly clear to me as I was arguing with a friend from the West Coast over transgenderism. I very calmly said that I believe it’s a mental illness, and should be treated as such. I said that these people need help, and we shouldn’t encourage them. I backed my assertion by referencing how the chief psychologist at Johns Hopkins Hospital has vehemently called out doctors who perform transgender surgeries as “collaborating with a mental illness for profit.”

Despite my calm and collected assertions, she grew EXTREMELY emotional and automatically assumed a whole host of things about me:

I’m a disgusting, careless sociopath

I have no sympathy for others’ suffering and I’m a cold-hearted bastard

I vehemently hate anyone who’s different than me

Despite the fact that none of these things are true, it became clear to me why she automatically believed this about me: the TV shows that she watches had been subtly implanting little emotional biases into her brain. This is how manipulative our “real” media is.

What happened, in psychological terms, was that as I was calmly explaining my perspective on transgenderism, her subconscious was flooded with all of the EMOTIONS that she associates with the topic:

All of the pain and grief she experienced from TV shows depicting transgender “issues”

How Bruce Jenner is a “hero,” and how much mainstream “opposition” he encountered when coming out

All of the anger she experienced when the token “anti-transgender person” in each show was a huge dick to the main character (more on this in the next section)

All rational thought was completely stopped, as she had literally been trained to elicit a certain response whenever the topic of transgenderism is brought up. Do you see my point? By repeatedly exposing people to scenes that elicit sympathy for transgenders, the media is engineering a widespread social response in favor of it.

Token Characters

As I alluded to before, another underhanded tactic that mainstream TV shows use is that they never have a rational, level-headed man who supports traditional marriage and normal heterosexuality. Any time someone in mainstream media doesn’t support the main character’s disorder, he’s always portrayed as a complete asshole.

This can take the form of him beating up the main character, bullying the main character, or what have you. I recall several years ago there was ample talk at the work place over some “anti-homosexual” character in glee that smothered a smoothie onto a guy just because he was homosexual, or something ridiculous like that.

Despite the fact that NOBODY I know would do something like this, the elite-sponsored TV utilizes token characters in order to implant a certain idea into our heads—the idea that everyone who opposes deviant sexual orientations is a cold-hearted bully. I recall that this was pointed out to me by a Catholic high school teacher, and it didn’t make any sense to me back then (before homosexuality was normal).

Now, in retrospect, I’m extremely thankful that he planted that seed in my class’s mind. The more that I look at television through this lens, the more I see what he was talking about. There’s never a level-headed, confident, genuine man that has game, either. It’s always either a completely meek beta male, or a chauvinistic “bad boy” Hank-Moody type character (although I do love me some Hank Moody).

This phenomena is taken even further as the transgender or homosexual person in mainstream TV is almost always portrayed as some brave, sweet, sensitive soul, with a hard life. In other words, the elites are engineering a dichotomy as Roosh has referenced before.

The dichotomy is that you’re either a sweet, empathetic, gentle-hearted person who supports transgenderism and deviant sexual preferences, or you’re a complete asshole who bullies and berates people just because “you’re mean.” This use of labeling brainwashes others into IMMEDIATELY putting you into the “sociopathic jerk” category if you don’t support transgenderism, making any and all rational discourse folly.

Subtle Desensitization

Another terrifying event that comes to mind of the media’s disgusting methods was when I was watching a popular kid’s TV show known as “Adventure Time,” a year or two ago. Again, I was with my family for some holiday event (I can’t remember which), and recall some of the kids watching this show.

Despite the fact that it’s labeled as a kid’s show, I saw an insidious little dialogue take place that was meant to desensitize children to pedophilia. In the show, there was some ball going on (I assume it was like a “prom” type deal), and the old wizard was looking for a partner.

He ended up going with some underage girl, who was probably 60 years his prior, and when the main character pointed this out, the old wizard simply stated: “Age…is nothing but a number!” Upon which the characters started dancing and doing comical things to prevent any sort of rational thought occurring after this was said.

After seeing this I became extremely disgusted and turned off the television, but that’s beyond the point. Why is this type of dribble being used to brainwash our youth? Anyone with half a brain can see that the point behind this scene was to start subtly implanting the seeds of pedophilia into a child’s mind.

Again, the words of my wise old Catholic high school teacher come to mind. I’ll never forget when he told me that “in 15 years, pedophilia will become normal.” My entire class was shocked, and couldn’t comprehend such a thing happening. He said this in 2009, and it seems that his prediction is coming true.

“First it will start with the media,” he said. “They’ll have some show where they make jokes about it and they’ll keep the humor very lighthearted, never showing the actual act. They’ll begin the process of desensitizing you, then eventually some politician will bring it up, and it will be an official stance that other politicians will be forced to take. This will begin the process of slowly normalizing it.”

My God was this man spot on, because this is EXACTLY how the media sways our opinions.

Keep in mind that their methods are SUBTLE, and that’s the point—they want to keep it below the level of thought so that you never question what they’re teaching you. Any time a strange or ridiculous belief is asserted, they very quickly move into a joyful scene or celebration to not only prevent you from thinking too much about the ridiculous belief, but to have you associate happiness with it, as well, which brings me to my next point.

Association And Correlation Bias

There’s a very powerful phenomena in psychology known as association; this is sometimes also called the correlation bias, or “Illusory Correlation.” This is basically your mind’s tendency to look for relationships where there aren’t any.

For example, why do you think most modern girls aren’t girlfriend material? Why do you think that the average man is weak, pathetic, and emasculated? It’s because of the media’s tendency to slowly create illusory associations within your mind.

The media causes women to associate happiness and a successful life with the following:

Being a man-hating feminist, who can’t submit to a strong, confident man

Not cooking or cleaning, because that’s “sexist”

Riding the alpha male cock carousel, and not getting married, because marriage is “oppressive”

The media creates a false correlation in women’s minds by constantly portraying bitchy, overly-masculine, slutty women as being empowered, sought-after, and happy. As any man who’s been learning game knows, this is absolute nonsense.

It doesn’t matter, though—once your brain has an association, it’s extremely difficult to get rid of it. This is why so many men are emasculated nowadays. It teaches us to associate:

Being a weak bitch with getting a hot girlfriend

Being a feminist and leftist with having girls think you’re noble and heroic

Courting a slut with being a gentleman

As any modern man who reads the manosphere knows, these are completely fallacious beliefs. Being a weak, low-testosterone man will not in fact land you the girls. Being a screaming leftist who holds those “I’m a feminist because,” signs will not get you the approval of women, and courting a washed up slut does not make you a gentleman (it makes you stupid).

Despite the obvious illogical nature of these beliefs, because the mainstream media has 8 hours a day to indoctrinate us, most men end up buying into them wholeheartedly, and will even berate you for having game when you CLEARLY get more women than them.

“So What Can I Do?”

First things first, stop watching mainstream media. In case you haven’t noticed, the MSM is starting to feel the effects of men waking up; in fact, they’ve recently gone on a long, drawn-out tirade about “fake news,” or in other words, news that is red-pilled.

I haven’t watched mainstream media EVER—the only time that I ever watch MSM is if they’re interviewing a pickup artist, a manosphere blogger, or if I’m trying to debunk their ludicrous reporting. I get almost all of my news from sites like ROK, Danger And Play, Info Wars, Natural News, and the people that I follow on Twitter.

In addition to only consuming a red-pilled information diet, ensure that your children don’t watch TV unarmed. I saw a phenomenal post recently on “How to Raise Red-Pilled Daughters,” and the ROK author talks about how he doesn’t flat out ban TV, but rather teaches his daughters to think rationally and learn to see the foolishness of MSM.

Aside from not watching MSM and raising your family to be skeptical of it, you can also support alternative media sites by simply tuning in. You don’t have to buy any of their products (although it helps); simply giving them your attention and leaving a thoughtful comment or two is enough to generate interest.

All in all, we’re facing extremely tumultuous times. More and more people are starting to break free of the MSM’s grip on their mind, but the men who get left behind end up more brainwashed than ever. Eventually, once the MSM dies, we can begin the long and arduous process of reclaiming our country—and this, my friends, is something I believe is worth fighting for.

Read More: Fact Checking Emotional Propaganda

When I was making a purchase at my local bookstore last week, the cashier solicited me for a donation. This donation was for a charity dealing with sick children or something. I told cashier I came here to buy a book not make donations. I guess she realized I am not one to be guilt tripped into doing things and told me that many people do not have the courage to say no. This pressure to comply due to emotional appeal has run rampant in America. When people make decisions on how they feel or manipulated by their feelings, not many good things can come of it.

Usually I do not delve into the details of the various schemes and manipulations that powerful people do in order to influence people’s behaviors. Someone actually fact checked one sales pitch for the limitation of guns. This exercise in breaking down an argument outside of the emotional shows that emotion is all it has. While the premise is guns, the method is pure emotional appeal.

The Mayor of New York City, Michael Bloomberg has decided to throw his hat in, as well as his capital, in a political fight against the NRA by spending an estimated fifty million dollars to start up Everytown for Gun Safety @ Everytown.org. If you go to his website, one of the articles pops out on the front page is an “analysis” of the over sixty “school shootings” that have taken place since the Newtown massacre on December 12th, 2012.

In this era of political rhetoric and ideological echo-chambers, there is little in the way of fact-checking and realism with statistical data. The media is off  panicking the masses of soccer moms and metrosexual dads that mass shootings are a growing epidemic, apparently none of whom look at the FBI’s Uniform Crime Reports of homicides every year. Of the sixty-two incidents on Everytown’s “analysis”, only one can be classified as a mass murder. The FBI is quite clear that a “mass murder” involves the homicide of four or more individuals with no cooling off period between the murders. The article would lead readers to believe that there have been sixty-two incidents of similar scope as the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting. But this is simply not the case.

With a total combined death toll between the sixty-two “school shootings” of 39, it’s hard to match them up to Newtown, which in one incident saw 28 deaths, including the perpetrator, Adam Lanza. Despite what the media might portray for politics, ratings, or profit, such shootings are exceptionally rare. Of course, a large amount of the focus is on the AR-15 reportedly used,the  gun control advocates would like gullible Americans to think without which Adam Lanza would not have been capable of such carnage. But if you remember the Virginia Tech shooting on April 16th, 2007. Seung-Hui Cho managed to kill 32 people, then himself, with nothing more than a .22LR caliber Walther P22 and 9mm Glock 19; the Walther with a magazine capacity of ten rounds and the Glock a bit more at fifteen. There is little discussion of firearms in the Everytown analysis, probably because they are virtually all handguns or the suggested firearm for home defense of Vice President Joe Biden, a shotgun.

Let’s look at that the lack of analysis this “analysis” gives us, as it’s little more than a picture of a crying woman and a list of schools at which a firearm was discharged on or nearby campus grounds since December 2012. Thirty-nine people dead, because of school shootings, between December 13th, 2012 and mid-April 2014. It’s hard to find statistics for causes of death even near that number. The United States averages roughly 51 deaths due to lightning strikes per year, over the last 20 years; according to NOAA. According to the CDC, there was an average of 3,533 unintentional drownings per year for the years of 2005-2009. Yet where is a politically motivated and affluent billionaire to launch a safety campaign outlining the dangers of pools or thunderstorms?

The fact that Mayor Bloomberg has taken Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel’s now infamous quote “never let a good crisis go to waste” to heart, is no surprise. But who thinks about the political realities of why someone is making moves against one of the GOP’s biggest political lobbies, using a tragedy like Newtown as the crest on their flag; when they are busy being emotionally compromised by the idea of children being gunned down in their school classrooms?

Among the 39 deaths, there is a justified case of self-defense, a possible case of self-defense, and seven cases of nothing more then suicides by firearm. The biggest trend among these “school shootings” is the shooters and victims are young black men. This reality is in stark contrast to the media image of upper-class white elementary school kids gunned down by socially awkward psychopaths with AR-15’s or other “assault weapons”. Few if any of the mainstream gun safety campaigns reflect the reality of gun violence. Remember, you are more likely to be killed by bee stings than you are to be shot on or around a school campus.

In conclusion, this emotional appeal by Mr. Bloomberg seems to be all about coercing a population into following his politics through emotional appeal. His advocacy gives them an audience of motivated people controlled by their emotions. What could a powerful person do with this audience aside from campaign against guns. I signed up at this website to get the newsletter. This newsletter only talks about political activism for those that seem to not be able to make up their own mind. Be aware of those that appeal to your emotion, because they may not appeal to your interests.

Note: The author received help from “Glocktopus”, a member of the notorious “Donk Chat” in writing this article.

[galah-xy]

Spinel & BPD

Steven Universe: The Movie really hit hard for me. To me, Spinel showed a few symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder (or BPD), and as someone experiencing a few symptoms of BPD myself, I was really pleased to see an accurate representation of a mental illness in a TV show – and in a children’s 'cartoon' show no less.

(However, as much as I appreciate this accurate representation, I'm still upset that it is represented in a villain, but that's for another essay.)

In this essay, I will relate my own experiences of having symptoms of BPD to some of her dialogues and songs, to show how realistic her character was in portraying BPD.

[SPOILERS BELOW]

Throughout the movie, Spinel showed a few symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder, such as:

Feeling emotions intensely

Harder to return to a stable baseline after an emotionally triggering event

Fear of (real or imagined) abandonment by loved ones

Unstable personal relationships alternating between idealization (“I love her so much”) and devaluation (“I hate her so much”)

Impulsive behaviors that can have dangerous outcomes

Intense or uncontrollable anger - often followed by shame and guilt

WARNING: I am not a licensed psychologist, and the creators of the show did not explicitly confirm that Spinel has BPD. Therefore, I cannot fully diagnose Spinel has having BPD. I am simply saying that she show symptoms of it. These are only based on my own experiences and observations. And if you relate to a few of the symptoms mentioned above, please seek professional help and avoid any form of self-diagnosis.

Now, to understand how all these symptoms were shown, let’s have a recap of the whole movie.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Spinel was created to be a play mate for Pink Diamond, and they would play in the garden for hundreds of years and years. But Pink Diamond was getting tired of playing with her and felt that Spinel was being too clingy.

So, Pink Diamond told her to play one last game. Spinel will stand in the garden and won't move until Pink Diamond comes back. Thing is, Pink Diamond never came back. Spinel waited for thousands of years, only to hear news that she made new friends without her, did so many things without her, and then died, leaving her all alone.

Feeling hurt, and betrayed by what Pink Diamond did, she released her anger on Steven, Pink Diamond's son, by making Steven lose all his powers, making his friends lose all their memories, and destroying the entire planet. Throughout this fight, however, even Spinel forgot all her memories of Pink, and went back to her ‘default setting’ of being a happy playmate.

Steven spends the whole movie being distrustful towards Spinel, since she was the one who destroyed everything he loved. He spent all his time trying to bring back his friends’ memories, and unintentionally neglected Spinel at every step of the way, and this triggered her to remember all the pain she felt when Pink neglected her.

After Spinel explained everything Pink did to her, Steven tries to help her, and she calms down for a while because she felt that someone was finally listening to her. But it turns out, Steven only wanted to bring back her memories so she can stop the destruction of the planet. After Spinel turned off her injector, Steven went back to trying to help his own friends.

She snapped and lashed out - and this time, she was hell-bent on killing Steven completely.

Spinel: You know, I came here to take my anger out on a bunch of strangers, but now that I know you, I want to kill you even more.

Steven finally gets his powers back after realizing that change is important in growth. He tries to talk Spinel out of her anger, but she couldn’t comprehend that she could change the way Steven did. She had so much hate, not just for Steven, but also for herself.

But after she was able to release out all this anger, she started to show extreme shame and guilt for her actions. She was able to help Steven save the planet, and through Pink’s siblings, she finally found someone who can love her for who she is.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I feel so much sympathy for Spinel. Her only purpose as a gem was to please her friend, Pink Diamond. She dedicated every moment of her life for her. So many of Spinel’s songs and dialogues really hit me, because it made me remember the times I was in her position.

I have had moments in my life when I would sacrifice all my time for someone I loved. I equated my own self-worth with how much I could make others happy. I would hate myself so much whenever I made other people upset.

From the song, “Drift Away”, Spinel sings:

"And then she smiled, that’s what I’m after A smile in her eyes, the sound of her laughter Happy to listen, happy to play, happily watching her drift away”

Looking back, I understand now that constantly seeking validation from others was incredibly unhealthy, and it might have been the reason why these people left us.

I also have this unhealthy habit of doing too much for others, with the hopes that they would eventually do the same for me, even when they have never shown any sign that they would.

In the same song, she sings:

“You keep on turning pages for people who don’t care, people who don’t care about you And still, it takes you ages to see that no one’s there, see that no one’s there Everyone’s gone on without you.”

This traumatic experience of being used and abandoned can echo throughout a person’s entire lifetime and affect future relationships. When Steven showed even the slightest signs of neglecting Spinel (even if it was unintentional), the feelings of betrayal and hurt came rushing back. She jumped to the conclusion that Steven will wipe out her memories again, since he was done using her for his own benefit. She felt that she was going to be tossed away again.

Spinel: What about me? Is that all you needed me for? To turn off my injector? Steven: No… Sort of, but- Spinel: But what now? I did what you wanted. That’s it? Steven: Well, yeah. We can just forget this whole thing ever happened…? Spinel: How are you gonna forget with me around? I’m the source of all your problems. Don’t pretend you want me here. What’s your plan for me, huh? Gonna put me somewhere? You’re gonna leave me alone?

I have also had moments when I would lash out and say hurtful things at my family and friends because I myself felt hurt, lonely, or betrayed. These feelings usually stem from my unhealthy thinking styles, and not from these people actually hurting me.

In Spinel’s first song, “Other friends”:

“What did she say about me? What did she say? What did you do without me? What did you do?”

I relate to this line because I always have this dark thought that my friends are always talking behind my back. I feel like they leave me out on purpose because I have a mental illness, and because I’m emotionally unstable.

Another line I relate to is:

“I’m the loser of the game you didn’t know you were playing”

Because I always put myself down, I always think my friends hate me, and none of them knows how much their smallest actions can have a huge negative effect on me. A clear example would be when I invite my friends to hang out, and none of them reply. Rationally, I know that they’re probably too busy to reply, but my brain automatically thinks that they don’t want to hang out with an emotionally unstable person like me, but they feel too awkward to say no because they don’t want to be responsible if I break down because of it.

When you are friends with someone with a mental illness, expect that they will have a lot of relapses. Even when we are aware of how hurtful we can be, sometimes we can’t help it. A lot of patience is required. Like with Spinel, I experience huge bouts of guilt and shame a few hours after I lashed out.

Spinel: What am I doing? Why do I want to hurt you so bad? I’m supposed to be your friend. I just want to be your friend.

I really hate myself for being so self-destructive, for overthinking too much. I can understand if people want to push me out of their lives. These feelings can be overwhelming at times. It can make me feel like I can never be cured, that I’ll always be like this for the rest of my life – constantly destroying my relationships with everyone, always hurting the people I loved. There have been so many times when I feel like even when I try to do everything I can to be better, it’s still not good enough. Which is why this line hurt me so much:

Spinel: When you change, you change for the better. When I change, I change for the worst. I’m just not good enough, just not good enough for Pink, but now, now I’m not good at all.

But I am trying to change for the better. I'm taking therapy and medications to stabilize my mood. And even if I have lost a lot of friends because of my mental illnesses, I am thankful for the few that stayed. It’s not easy to love someone with a mental illness, and I’m eternally grateful for everyone who has had the patience and strength to stay and help people like me.

Like what Spinel said in “Found”:

“Someday, somewhere, somehow I’ll love again, I just need to find someone Someone who treats me better Someone who wants me around Someday, somewhere, somehow, I’m gonna feel found”

And I do feel found. I have a very strong and loving support system, filled with people who look out for me – my current friends, my boyfriend, my immediate family, and my therapists.

For everyone who went through the same things Spinel did, I hope you find someone who treats you better, someone who wants you around. They’re out there somewhere. You just need to find them.

[sindearlyconnormurphy]

Ours [Connor Murphy x Reader]

Title: Ours Pairing: Connor Murphy x Reader Fandom: Dear Evan Hansen Requested: yes! Summary: the squad keeps teasing the reader and Connor for sneaking off to get down and dirty–except, that wasn’t the case at all. Evan sets the squad straight. | Connor taking care of s/o reader with Depersonalization Derealization Syndrome. Warnings: mentions of sex, alcohol, panic attacks, swearing | POV changes | First person reader | not proof read A/N: Thanks for such a lovely request, and thanks for giving me so much info on the disorder! I hope I portrayed it correctly, and I hope you like this!

“You all are the luckiest people on the planet!”

I found this hard to believe. It was sort of comical, however, in an only vaguely tolerable way, to see Jared Kleinman kick down the Murphy’s door, juggling several boxes of pizza and a brown paper bag full of God knows what.

“Care to elaborate on that?” Alana called, looking only half way over her shoulder. She and Zoe were on the floor, playing what appeared to be a very intense game of Sorry! They were already in their pajamas–yes, at six in the afternoon–and six of us had decided to have a lowkey party at the Murphy’s, since Cynthia and Larry had evacuated for a romantic weekend. Evan was parked in a recliner, his legs folded crisscross applesauce–his words, not mine–watching the girls’ game with genuine interest.

Connor and I were on the couch, my back to his chest, reclining. He was twitchy, and he had been all evening. I’d briefly asked him earlier if he’d wanted to skip the party, but he’d said no. Still, he laid behind me, combing out my hair with his fingers a little too roughly, his hips shifting uncomfortably every few seconds.

Jared stumbled in, dropping the pizza boxes onto the carpet–earning a loud scream of protest from both Murphy kids, the sound deafening my left ear. Connor felt me flinch and pressed a seamless kiss of apology to my jaw. I felt Evan smile at me from across the room–shy, like he wasn’t sure where to look. I tossed back a lighthearted smile, before turning my attention back to Jared.

“Because, my sweet flower,” Jared began, kicking the door shut and beginning to pull items out of his paper bag, the parcel crinkling annoyingly loud.

“Sweet flower?” Alana squawked, earning a glare from Zoe, who popped the dice unceremoniously and continued to move her peg through the holes.

“I come bearing gifts,” he continued loudly, brandishing his items proudly above his head. “Scotch, condoms, and Cosmopolitan.”

There was a moment of silence, the five of us glancing between the boy in the glasses, his pitiful treasure, and doilies Mrs. Murphy kept on the coffee table.

“I’ll take a slice of cheese,” Zoe called, stoic, Alana reaching around Jared to grab the top box and place it on her lap. Evan and Connor both had to bite down on their laughter at the sight of Jared’s shocked face–shaking beneath me, his breath at my ear, Connor felt like a reassurance that tonight wouldn’t be totally awful.

It wasn’t that I didn’t like our friends, it’s just that since we’d told them we started dating, they’d been a real pain.

“I hold in my fist illegal things!” Jared screeched, tossing the magazine on the floor overzealously. “And you choose to ignore me?”

“My mom owns Cosmos, dude,” I said, rolling over onto my stomach so that I could rest my chin on Connor’s chest, grinning up at him with tired eyes. School had been long for both of us today, and, frankly, I could stand to skip ahead to the part of the night where he kissed senseless in his bedroom.

“There’s wine on the rack, dumbass, and it’s a movie night, no one’s drinking?” Zoe said without looking up from her board game, tugging on one of her braids in thought.

“And who are the condoms for, idiot?” Connor nearly yelled, sitting up and jostling me back into a sitting position, my head swimming for a minute with the sudden movement, before relaxing against the arm of the chair.

Jared’s head swiveled, comically, between Alana, Zoe, and I briefly, before his eyes glued on Evan.

“Boys night?”

“No, you creep!”

We all laughed for a moment, watching Evan turn a sharp shade of crimson, curling in on himself in the chair. Zoe snorted a little too loudly when she laughed.

It was beginning to get frustrating–not making me sick yet, but any means, but nonetheless annoying. Because I knew what was coming, and it was only gonna piss Connor off–

“I’ll just give the condoms to Connor,” Jared said, throwing the box so that it landed in the empty space between us on the couch. There was suddenly lead in the bottom of my stomach.

Everyone realized, watching with baited breath as Connor eyed the box with firey eyes and a set mouth, a sudden blush creeping up his neck. It could set it off–shit like this had in the past. Still, I think–

“Gross, man,” he said, lightly kicking the box to the floor. His feet were bare tonight, void of the cute socks he usually wore, and after his movement he shoved them under my thigh–either for concealment or warmth, I didn’t know, but I scratched at the back of his calf loyally, letting him know what he did was the right thing.

Proud of you.

He grinned softly at his lap, and I could tell he was proud of himself too.

“What do you mean by that?” Jared screeched, reviving the headache that had started to blur.

“Drop it, Jared,” Alana warned, dropping a handful of green pieces back into the cardboard box, each thunk sending a hot jolt through my head.

“They’re sex machines!” He protested, and I felt Connor nearly choke beside me, drawing his feet away and stuffing them under a cushion. “Are you guys seriously not using protection.”

“Alana said drop it,” Evan said quietly, shocking all of us. “So leave them alone. It’s none of your business.”

“Whose ready for the movie?” Alana covered seamlessly, beginning to set up the tv while the rest of us began to calm.

Connor was shaking, and, away from him, I didn’t feel like he wanted me to reach out and touch him. I waited for the signal, something or anything that was him asking to get out of here, but he never gave it, just curled in on himself and watched the tv with blank eyes.

I shot Evan a smile, nodding in thanks.

What Evan had said was the truth–it wasn’t any of Jared’s business. It had unfortunately become Evan’s business, at one point, making him aware of the glaring fact that no one else in the room seemed to believe could ever be true: Connor and I were still virgins. We hadn’t slept together–and, we hadn’t planned for it in the near future. We just weren’t ready yet.

Not that anyone here would ever believe that.

I’m not sure I wanted them to, either.

Because at least that white lie kept the truth hidden, and maybe that’s the way it would stay.

—-

“Unpopular opinion: this movie sucks.”

“I agree.”

“We can’t watch romantic flicks or Mr. and Mrs. Murphy get ideas and leave early. This shitty sci-fi shit was all I had on hand.”

“Pass the alcohol, I changed my mind about what kind of party this is.”

Their voices were loud, pounding noises against my skull without really making any sense as to what they were saying at all. The dark should’ve helped, or I thought it would, but the high saturation neon colors and loud artificial gunshots on the television screen paired with the nonstop chatter of our friends made it difficult to concentrate, difficult to breathe. Everything was too much at once.

It was like living in a glass box, everything around me was vibrate and loud, amplified to the nth degree–but none of it felt real. Connor was staring unattentively ahead, his hands twitching in his lap. He hadn’t touched me all night. It usually wasn’t a big deal–I knew he was doing it to avoid the constant teasing about our PDA. It was starting to set him off, I could tell. Still, I just wanted a reminder I was real.

I decided to screw it, all their comments be damned, reaching out for Connor’s wrist as the signal.

His eyes snapped up to me immediately, concerned, his pink mouth forming an o. My hands were numb. He rose without a work, linking our hands and dragging me from the room.

“Where do you two think you’re going? It’s a little early to fuck, isn’t it?”

“C'mon guys, can’t you watch the movie? I don’t like knowing you’re doing that while I’m in the house.”

“–and Connor, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s–”

I had barely contained my sobs by the time Connor shut the door.

—-

“You guys shouldn’t do that,” Evan glared, turning off the movie and setting the popcorn bowl aside.

Jared snorted. “We shouldn’t do what? They’re the ones running off to screw each other’s brains out. It’s gross. We’re in the house. It’s bad enough they’re all over one another at school.”

“Yeah,” Alana agreed. “I mean, if they don’t want to hear us complain about it, why do it?”

“I can’t believe she can stand to touch my brother,” Zoe groaned. “He was being a real dick tonight.”

“You guys are so stupid!” Evan nearly yelled, shocking the other three with his uncharacteristic outburst, burying his hands in his usually neat hair. “They aren’t–they’re not–”

—- “Breathe, baby, breathe.”

His hands were roaming all over, pressing to my chest, watching his hands rise and fall too rapidly. I needed to slow down, breathe deeper. His eyes were concerned, hair falling into his face from where he leaned over me, knees on either sides of my hips. His hands scrubbed quickly at my shoulders.

“Feel me? I’m right here, you’re right here, we’re fine. Fuck, I love you, I’m here.”

It helped–he knew how to help, when it all became too much for me to handle. Touching me–it keep me grounded, reminded me what reality was, where it was. Connor was safety, I knew.

He leaned down, pressing his temple against my jaw, pressing kisses down my neck. We took turns like this–when he overheated, I was there for him, and when I had a bad episode, he was there for me.

“I’ve got you.”

—-

“What do you mean they aren’t having sex?”

“Let go of my shirt, Jared!”

“How do you know they aren’t having sex?” Zoe demanded. The three of them had Evan cornered, cowering into the wall. Evan’s bright pink face heated considerable.

“I walked in on them once? It was at school, after they, uh, left us. It’s not really any of my business–”

“Spit it out.”

“Whenever, uh, she doesn’t feel well–they have this code, she told me. Whenever Connor is upset or paranoid or she has a bad episode–”

“Episode?” Zoe asked, eyebrows scrunched. Evan paled.

“She never told you? She has Depersonalization Derealization Syndrome. Um, from what she explained it’s, uh, a lot of sensory overload–too loud, too bright, too everything–and she gets these episodes where stuff doesn’t seem real, I guess? I’m not sure I’m explaining it right.”

“I’ve heard of that, I think,” Alana said brightly, her face pinched.

“Oh, crap,” Zoe whispered, “and we’ve been making fun of them this whole time?”

“Well,” Jared sighed. “I feel shitty. Feel even shittier knowing Connor isn’t getting his dick wet, like, at all–”

“Just stop giving them crap,” Evan grumbled. “They don’t deserve it.”

“Yeah,” Zoe nodded sagely, scrubbing a hand over her face. “Yeah, okay.”

—-

“Feeling better?”

“Mhm,” I sighed, leaning back into Connor’s touch. He was wrapped around me, our foreheads bumped together under his sheets. He leaned up to sneak a peck at my lips.

“I’m sorry about them,” he apologized again, squeezing my hands in apology, leaning in again to press a lingering kiss to my cheek, earning a giggle.

“Don’t be. Thanks for every.”

He smiled softly, his jaw clicking softly, eyes soft. “Always for you, sweet girl.”

“Don’t get too sappy,” I warned. “They’ll get suspicious.”

“I’m allowed to be sappy when no one is looking,” he protested, kissing my jaw. “I love you.”

“Love you more.”

“Not possible,” he protested, finally leaning forward to seal his lips with mine, his hands grabbing softly at my waist. Connor was safety, I remembered, and I love him more than anything for it. The others could say what they liked–I wouldn’t trade him for the world.

[mslullabies]

wrote a little fat-positive ficlet based on this headcanon – although note that this does not feature or discuss eating disorder!Taako, just stressed lonely and unhappy!Taako. do not read if you are not into fatness being portrayed as a good thing.

Magnus is on the bar stool on the opposite side of the kitchen counter, watching Taako make diplomat cream.

"Why diplomat cream?" Magnus had asked, making trouble on purpose, holding back a grin, "Why not just custard?"

"Excuuuuuuse me!?" Taako had all but shrieked, and banished Magnus to the bar stool, where he couldn't sneak fingerfulls of the cream he was so obviously unworthy of.

The banishment also got him out of Taako's personal space, which Magnus knows he's been encroaching on a little too much ever since they saved the world. He doesn’t mean to, it’s just -

He remembers everything in its proper order now, remembers all the people he loves and all the ways he grew to love them, but his sense memories still trip him up sometimes. His body doesn’t have it straight. For a while his ears held on to this timeline of Merle's voice - the warmth in it growing deeper over the course of a hundred years, and then his voice was gone entirely, and then it was filled instead with tired obstinacy, before slowly growing warmer, more affectionate, again. Magnus knew in his head why those changes happened, but it's like his ears couldn't let go of the strangeness. Ears don't know about interdimensional travel, they don't know about memories stolen and returned.

That, at least, had faded in the months that followed the almost-apocalypse, probably because Magnus hears Merle’s voice plenty often, but with Taako it’s different.

Magnus has had his arms around Taako exactly three times: there was the first time Lup died, and Taako had been... Magnus had carried him back to the Starblaster, and his weight in Magnus's arms had been a comfort of sorts - the heavy, tear-soaked reality of him, the shake of his girth as he sobbed, his pain and the ache Magnus felt for him marking them both as undeniably alive. Then there was the third time they'd lost Cap'nport, and lost him when he'd been right beside Magnus, not even six inches away. One of the only things Magnus can remember from the days that had followed is the sound of a put-upon sigh, and then a sturdy warmth all around him, the soft press of Taako's body against his chest, the way he had felt when Magnus finally managed to lift his arms and hold him in return – a thick comforting squish giving way to a solid core of strength.

And then most recently, after the destruction of Phandalin, he'd caught Taako in the moon base’s observatory - his slight shape silhouetted against the sunset, tendons showing in the back of his hand as he’d gripped the telescope and looked down at that crater of glass. Taako had immediately pretended to be looking at something else, and Magnus, unremembering, had looped an arm around his shoulders and squeezed him. He’d gotten a good second and a half in maybe before Taako had shrugged away. Taako had been skinny and sharp-edged then, and even pressed up against him, Magnus hadn’t thought anything of it, of what might have made Taako that way. His fingers could have met around Taako’s arm, and he’d had no idea what that actually meant.

Now Taako's got his nose in the air as he pointedly faces away from Magnus and vigorously whisks heavy cream into whipped cream. Magnus can see the muscles in his arm move, but the lines of them are diffuse and gentle. The reverberations of his stirring jiggle through his side. Now Taako is thick and hale and his skin is smooth and glowing and his eyes shine and Wonderland or no, he is as gorgeous as Magnus can ever remember him. Magnus understands what happened, how Taako got so thin and how he got chubby again, it makes sense in his brain - but his body cannot shake the feeling of the narrow ridge of Taako's shoulders against the underside of his arm. He can't get rid of this urge to put his arms around Taako and feel that he's well and happy and not alone and isn't afraid to cook or to eat anymore. He wants that feeling to overtake the memories his body made when neither of them were their whole selves.

"Ya know, I can get you an 8 by 10 if you want," Taako says without turning around, and Magnus realizes it’s been several minutes and he’s gone from watching Taako cook to just kind of staring at him.

"Yeah, you already gave me like a dozen," he answers, laughing.

"So then what's with the star gazing?" Taako asks as he tests the peaks of the cream. He sets the bowl down on the counter, apparently satisfied, and turns to face Magnus.

Magnus shrugs dismissively and looks away. Hugs aren’t exactly Taako’s jam, and he doesn’t want to make him feel weird or obligated about it.

Taako sighs.

“Listen, I’m normally all about just bottling that shit right up, but just this one time I think I’d rather you spat it out. Not that I don’t want you around, but you have kinda been right on my jock lately, and that real estate is in high demand. What gives, homeboy, what’s going on?”

Magnus debates internally for a split second, and then gives up the ghost. He doesn’t have it in him to give Taako the brush off, and there’s no law that says they have to get into details about it.

“I kinda want a hug,” he says, and smiles when Taako’s eyebrows shoot up. “But I know you’re not into that, so don’t worry about it. I’ll uh. I’ll bottle that shit right up.”

Magnus isn’t sure what he’s expecting Taako’s response to be, but what he gets is Taako whirling around, leaning halfway out of the window over the sink and looking left and right as if checking for intruders. He withdraws and pulls the shutters closed, then goes and performs the same comical look-around at the doorway leading to the dining room. Apparently satisfied, he turns around and shoots Magnus a conspiratorial look.

“Ok, you can’t go blabbing about this to everybody,” he says in a stage-whisper as he comes around the counter to Magnus’s bar stool. “Part of how I make sure the demand stays high is by keeping the supply low, ya feel me?”

“Uh, yeah?” Magnus guesses, still not sure where this is headed.

“Good,” Taako says firmly. Then he holds out his arms.

Magnus slides off the bar stool and into the hug Taako is offering on instinct or reflex or something, no conscious thought to it at all. It doesn’t even occur to him to laugh at how ridiculous Taako is until he’s already there, and then he’s too busy getting a little choked up.

Taako doesn’t feel the least bit fragile or sharp-edged, just sturdy and soft and substantial, so Magnus squeezes him tightly, and the circle his arms make around him is big and wide and right. He can feel something inside himself click back into proper alignment, like feeling a joint move more easily after it’s popped.

“You don’t have to be a fuckin creep about it, ok?” Taako says into Magnus’s neck. Magnus just nods, his throat too closed up to bother defending himself.

Taako allows the hug for another moment before patting Magnus’s back in that way that means ‘done now,’ and Magnus lets him go.

“I mean it,” Taako says immediately, pointing a finger in Magnus’s face, “Don’t go telling people about this.”

“Ok,” Magnus says, amused and still a little dazed with relief.

“I can’t have the likes of Kravitz and Ango thinking they can just get all up in here whenever they want.”

Magnus manages a laugh at that. “Not even Kravitz gets the unlimited hugs pass?”

“Especially not Kravitz, are you kidding me. He’s gotta earn it every time.”

Taako sashays back around the counter and reaches over the sink to open the shutters again, and although shutting them hadn’t made the kitchen dim by any means, the sunlight streaming in feels refreshingly bright and clean.

[sandcastiekingdcms]

to summarize what’s under the cut, minus some possibly triggering things / themes / mentions: i am remaking my blog. i will only be keeping roman, naomi, and dolph. i am contemplating adding wade wilson / deadpool so my number of muses is even ( and because i’ve been wanting to start writing him again for ages and my number obsession really hates odd numbers that aren’t multiples of five ). nia and kevin will be discord only - so, feel free to ask for my discord if you want to write them with or any of my muses without the stress that comes with tumblr. i won’t be posting a link to my new blog or posting a promo; i am only following a select number of people on my new blog for my own sanity, but, if, by . . . let’s say wednesday, you haven’t received a follow from my new blog and you really want to write with me still, shoot me a message on here and i’ll definitely follow you !! i am dropping all threads and starting with a clean slate; ships will not be dropped unless the other person wishes to.

below the cut you will find an explanation that no one asked for about what’s going on in my personal life. you don’t have to read it by any means, i just wanted to provide an explanation for remaking yet again. please check the tags for triggers and be careful — nothing is discussed explicitly, but i don’t want to trigger or upset anyone, okay? but, again, below the cut is a more in-depth explanation of why i’m doing this.

i’m going into my senior year of college, which has kind of triggered an emotional breakdown because i have this thing with control and i feel as if i have zero control over my life at this point in time. i’m in a pretty awful place when it comes to thinking about my future, which means that what is already one of the hardest seasons / times of the year to deal with is even worse. i’m also having severe body issues because being a trans guy in the summer is hell on earth, especially pre-top surgery. i’m feeling super suicidal and self-destructive most of the time i’m awake, which is why i’m almost never awake. but sleeping all day is just gonna make my depressive episode worse. so i’m trying to get back into writing, to have something to do. hopefully, i can find a summer job, but functioning at all is difficult for me right now.

i wanted to keep this blog going because everyone is probably tired of me remaking over and over, but this blog causes me so much anxiety on top of the overwhelming anxiety i’m already struggling with. i’m hoping by starting over, simplifying things, and having something fun to put my thought and efforts into again will help make the summer a little easier. i’m dropping kevin and nia on the new blog because, again, i want things as simple as possible -- and i don’t feel like i portray them well enough to do them justice anyways. i’m sorry to anyone who wanted to write with them / who had ships with kevin, but i am more than willing, as mentioned before, to write them on discord. or even email, if anyone still does that anymore.

i am, of course, getting help for my mental illness. i am going to counseling once a week and i have a great support system ( shout out to joey, if they’re reading this -- you’re the best !! ); this isn’t a cry for help, and please don’t worry about me. i’m not gonna say i’m not struggling, because i am, but i am actively getting help from both loved ones and mental health professionals, which is an important step in dealing with and managing disorders like mine. i’m hoping that this new blog will help me get back into my ~writing groove and that will help, even if just a little bit, so thanks for putting up with me !! and, of course, if you’re tired of all of these new blogs, there is no pressure to follow me back on my new blog. i understand completely. but to those that are still willing to put up with me: i can’t wait to get back to ( or even, finally, start ) writing with you !!

a quick side note: if anyone is struggling right now with any type of mental illness or even just with life in general, please seek help. whether that’s reaching out to a friend or seeing a counselor, there is someone who is willing to help you. if money is a problem, there are counseling centers with sliding fees that can actually allow you to receive treatment for free in some cases - and, in most cases, at a reduced rate that might be easier to afford. if you want to talk about anything, feel free to reach out to me, if you feel comfortable doing so. if you have any questions about mental health treatment ( i’ve been receiving treatment for various disorders for about ten years now ) or want help finding resources, i’m more than glad to help. i will very willingly do research on your behalf and help you find what you need. or if you just want to talk, i’m here for that too! i will mention professional help if i feel that you would benefit from it, but i will not be incessant or insist or pressure you by any means. i may not always have an answer or a solution, but i will always listen. or reach out to a friend or loved one! i promise, someone in your life is willing to listen. if you’re in intense and immediate distress, please reach out to a hotline! if you don’t feel comfortable talking on the phone, you can always - if you’re in the united states - text 4hope to 741 741 to text a crisis counselor. if you live in or even outside of the united states, a quick google search can help you find hotline numbers or even websites, but, again, i can always help you find them if you need them. please take your mental health seriously. you are important and you matter.

sorry for the rambling ( though i’m not sorry for the rant about mental health, because it’s an important topic ). i plan on setting up the blog either today or tomorrow and having everyone followed by wednesday. hope everyone is having a good summer, and i can’t wait to get back to my tumblr / rp shenanigans !!