#I’m just going to give her indefinite space

[snixx]

okay new rule if I spend more than two days obsessing over someone and waiting for them to tell me what’s wrong and questioning myself over them I’m banned from reaching out to them first for the next week I need some way to stop god

[ari-freeworld]

'*•♡Finding Space In Your Heart ♡•*'

°。°。°。°。°。° 。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

01 - Unexpected offers

Pairing - Biker/Roommate!Bakugou x Fem!Reader

An - After debating whether or not to post this, I decided to just go for it! I’m excited to share my very first published fic with you all. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it, let me know what you think! XO

Summary - After Kirishima moves in with his girlfriend, Mina, Bakugou finds himself in need of a new roommate. He’s on the hunt for someone who can tolerate his loud (and expensive) Ducati, his odd hours at the mechanic shop, and who is fairly tidy and able to pay their share of the rent. After having no luck finding the right person, his long-time friends Mina and Kirishima suggest an old friend of Mina's—enter you, a young professional writer looking for a place to live during your partnership with a publishing company.

Notes/warnings - Qurikless AU, aged up characters, drinking and smoking mentioned. Inappropriate language (its bkg duh) Slow build up (eventual smut).

wrds - 1.9k

02 , 03

°。°。°。°。°。° 。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

"Hello, earth to y/n!" A hand waved over your face, pulling you from your trance.

"Sorry, Mina," you said, stirring your milkshake with your straw.

You were sitting in Mina's local diner, catching up and drinking milkshakes—a monthly ritual you both had kept since your teen years. However, this particular meeting had been long overdue since Mina and her boyfriend, Kirishima, had been busy these last few months with their big move.

"What's bugging you?" Mina asked. Your friendship with her was a strong one, now going on eight years since you met in a softball little league at the age of fifteen. Ever since then, she had been your rock and you hers.

You didn't want to dampen the mood with your issues, especially when you were supposed to be celebrating her move. However, your current situation had you stressed for a couple of weeks now.

You had received astonishing news a few weeks ago: an offer from a publishing company you'd been dreaming of working with for a while. They would love to work with you on your book. It was the perfect opportunity, but life had thrown you a curveball. The company expected you to relocate within the next month, or they would reselect someone who could. All the places you’d looked at were way over your budget, and you didn't want to depend on your parents right after moving out from their place.

You sighed, "I've been having trouble with the new job."

"What!? Did they decide they didn't want you anymore? Those pricks!" Mina slammed her milkshake on the table, shooting a couple of drops of whipped cream onto her lap.

"No, no, it isn't that," you sighed again. "It's just that they want me to move closer to the site, and I'm getting nervous because I can't find a place yet."

"Well, why don't you stay with me and Kiri? We wouldn't mind giving you the spare room for as long as you need." You could tell she was serious. Bless her heart.

"I literally could not do that. After all, you and Kiri have been waiting for the chance to move in together, and I don't want to ruin that for you."

"Why not? It would be fun! Plus, you wouldn’t be a bother."

"I appreciate the offer, Mina, but I don't want to intrude." Maybe you'll just have to make the three-hour drive there and back every day, you thought to yourself.

"Gosh, y/n, you're so stubborn. The offer will stand indefinitely." She's such a good friend; you couldn't possibly burden her and Kiri. More like you won't.

--------------------------------------------------------------

"Fuck," Bakugou exhaled, wiping the grease and dirt off his hands with his white tank top.

"Hey, Bakugou! Are you closing up soon? It's late," Kiri entered from the semi-closed garage door after helping out their last customer for the day.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm just fucking replacing my bike's stupid-ass engine oil." Kiri could tell something was bothering Bakugou. He'd been trying to get it out of him all day. He hated seeing his friend this way: walking around with tense shoulders, snapping at people. He even drove away a customer this morning with his attitude.

"Dude, what's up with you today?" Kiri asked. "You've been... pissy."

Bakugou glared at Kiri, then sat on the stool by his raised bike. "I can't find a fucking roommate," he quietly admitted.

"Shit, man. I'm sorry about dumping the move on you." Kiri moved to lean on the large tool cabinet. "I could always help you pay for this month to help out."

"Don't be a dumbass." Bakugou ran his hand through his blonde locks, moving the parts stuck to his sweaty forehead from his face. "You're basically moved out; you would just be paying my rent for me."

Kirishima pondered for a moment, trying to think of some way to help his friend. Then suddenly, he remembered what Mina mentioned the other day.

"Wait! This is perfect. I just remembered!" Kiri stood up straight. "Mina's friend, y/n!"

"Who?" Bakugou asked, uninterested.

"You know y/n. I've spoken about her before. She's actually looking for a place but couldn't find any within her budget!"

"A girl?! I can't move in with some random chick!" Bakugou was surprised Kirishima would even suggest that.

"You have to meet her! She would be the perfect roommate for you. She's reserved and, from what Mina's said, a really good person!"

"Yeah, no fucking thanks." Bakugou got up to pack things up and close the shop.

Kirishima, on the other hand, did not care about what Bakugou said and proceeded to text his girlfriend, trying to come up with a plan to get them to meet.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Later that evening, Kiri and Mina's plan was in full swing. You were getting ready to meet Mina and some of Kiri's friends at a downtown bar. Unbeknownst to you, this was no ordinary hangout—there was a secret agenda at play.

Now here you were, about to enter some random bar, planning to have a stress-free night filled with fun before returning to reality tomorrow.

As you opened the bar door, the smell of cigarettes, greasy food, and alcohol hit your nose. You weren't too big on partying or getting drunk; Mina, on the other hand, was a pure party animal through and through. You often found yourself tagging along on outings like these, so it wasn't going to be a peculiar evening—or so you thought.

"Y/n! Over here!" You saw Mina practically jumping out of her seat, waving to get your attention. Making your way over, you glanced at everyone else seated in the booth. Familiar faces you'd seen at past hangouts.

"Hey, guys!" You stood in front of the table, and seated from left to right were Sero, Denki, Kirishima, and, of course, Mina. It seemed like there was someone missing who had been seated between Denki and Kirishima. Mina's face was dusty with a pink hue; you guessed she had probably had a few drinks before your arrival.

"You're just in time. We just sent Bakugou to get the shots!" she mentioned, looking past you towards the bar.

Bakugou. You felt like you remembered Kirishima mentioning him before.

"Here are your fucking drinks, assholes," you heard a deep, slightly raspy voice speak from behind you.

You turned and immediately faced someone's chest, holding a small tray of filled shot glasses and lime slices. Glancing up, you saw a man standing at a good six feet and three or four inches. His attention was focused on his friends, but he glanced down at you, and your eyes met.

Getting a better look at him, you noticed his very stocky build and his beautiful features. His eyes were a shade of red—not like blood, but the color you see during a sunset. His hair was blond and spiky but looked soft to the touch. You snuck a quick glance at his lips, which were soft and plump.

Bakugou's eyes had been latched onto yours since he faced you. Such a pretty, delicate face, he thought. His eyes ran up and down your body but quickly returned to Kirishima once he realized who you were.

"Are you fucking kidding me, Shitty Hair?" Bakugou's voice was loud but not louder than the music filling the bar. You glanced back at Mina, confused, and she gave you a cheeky smile.

Some hours later, after drinking with your friends, you found yourself sitting right next to Bakugou, practically on his lap due to the overstuffed booth. Mina took the time to explain that he was searching for a roommate and, since you were having trouble, you could move in with him instead of on your own. Hence, the orchestrated meeting.

You noticed his cedarwood smell, almost overwhelming your senses. You picked up on smaller notes of leather and coconut. The silence between you was a little awkward now that you both understood the situation. Your friends were having their own drunken conversations, but Mina was secretly peeping glances at you, hoping you and Bakugou would help each other out.

"I'm sorry Mina put you up to this. I didn't know," you decided to break the silence, speaking without facing him. If you turned, your faces would be inches apart. He side-eyed you, sitting with his body slightly leaned on the cushion of the shared booth. He scoffed.

"S'not your fuckin' fault. They put you up to this," his words sounded harsh, but his delivery was rather soft. From what Mina said about him before, he sounded like an overly aggressive guy.

"So, you're looking for a roommate?"

"Yeah, Shitty Hair decided to move out and in with Pinky," you chuckled at his nicknames for them.

"Yeah, no wonder that area is hard to afford on your own," you sighed, crossing your arms on the table.

"You looking for a place?"

"Kinda? I don't know. I got this job offer, but I don't think I can accept it if I don't find a place I can afford soon." You sounded worried, hoping it wasn't detectable in your voice.

"Hm," he gave a sound of acknowledgment. He watched you stand, his eyes running down your body again, this time much slower, drinking in your curves. He had been watching you all night, more like observing. Yes, he found you pretty, but meeting you was interesting to him. He didn’t know if it was because he hadn't felt a woman’s warmth for a year now and was craving it, or if he just liked the way you laughed with your friends and the way the dim lights made your skin glow.

"I'll be back," you said, the drinking giving you a buzz, and you couldn't stop yourself from overthinking again. Getting up from your seat, you squeezed past Bakugou, Denki, and Sero, heading to the door. You needed air.

Letting the nightly breeze hit your face, you pulled out your phone, thinking about calling your mom to vent your troubles. She and your dad had been away visiting family, letting you have the place to yourself. You couldn't bring yourself to tell them about the job before they left because you knew they would offer to pay for your place instantly, which was the last thing you wanted. So you settled for the cigarette in your purse that Sero had handed you earlier.

Lighting it, you inhaled and exhaled, hating the taste but finding it brought some comfort, like your worries were drifting away with the smoke.

"Disgusting habit," someone spit out. You turned to face them, instantly putting it out.

"Oh, I know. I don't smoke often, but this night called for one," you faced Bakugou, now out of the cramped bar. His figure stood a little taller and more comfortable. He walked up beside you, his scent hitting a little harder as the breeze carried it right to your nose. His clothes were black and casual, but you couldn't help but notice the tightness of his t-shirt.

Man, am I buzzed, you thought to yourself.

The silence now that you were alone was comforting. "If it's beating you up that fucking badly, I wouldn't mind," he said. You snapped your head towards him quickly.

"It would help both of us out," he continued. "You'd be saving me the trouble of finding some asshole roommate."

"Really...?" you searched his eyes for an answer. "You wouldn't mind?"

"How 'bout this: come look at the place with me now," he leaned close, his body looming above you. "And you let me know, princess."

Bakugou thought to himself, maybe he wouldn’t mind having a girl for a roommate. Regardless, he knew he certainly wouldn’t mind having you as one.

°。°。°。°。°。° 。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

Hope you enjoyed! Planning on releasing more parts soon <3

Btw lmk if you want to be added to the tag list :)

[upat4amwiththemoon]

The blip | 2

Summary: Broken families take time to heal.

Pairing: WandaNat x daughter!reader

Warnings: some angst, panic attack-ish

Word count: 1231

a/n: there was some wishes for a second part and I really wanted to do one, so here it is :D would recommend reading part one first

Tags: @thought-of-you-and-me @rafecameronswhore @emsmultiverse @natashamaximoff69

masterlists | guidelines

All parts: part 1, part 2, part 3

Y/N’s lip is bleeding from the excessive amount of biting it during the last hour. During that hour, she changed her outfit tens of times, debated faking sick, and a slight break down, but now she is walking down the streets of New York City, going to have lunch with her moms.

The walk is around 20 minutes from her apartment, which gives her enough time to mentally prepare herself. It’s been two weeks since everyone who were blipped came back, and it certainly hasn’t been easy. Wanda and Natasha wanted Y/N to move back in with them, but she declined, needing some space from them. However, they have been texting and calling, though it’s still uncomfortable, they were finally able to persuade Y/N to meet up with them again.

Wanda and Natasha have tried doing their best to respect Y/N’s wishes for time and space, but they miss their daughter. After all, to them it wasn’t a long wait, their daughter grew up in a blink of an eye and they want to make up for the missing time.

Slowing down her pace, Y/N checks her phone for the time, she’s 15 minutes early. She might as well go wait for them inside. She opens the diner door, looking for a secluded booth to sit in, but pauses once she notices Wanda and Natasha are already sitting at a booth.

Wanda notices her first, waving her over. Y/N wipes her hands on her pants and walks over to them, sitting opposite of her moms. “Hi.” She has a small smile on her face. “How long have you been here?”

“Hey, sweetheart,” Wanda almost grabs Y/N’s hand that’s resting on the table, but decides against it, “not long, 20 minutes, I think.” She tilts her head to the side with a small laugh.

Y/N nods, she starts playing with her rings, a lot of them are Wanda’s old ones. She doesn’t know how to talk to her moms anymore, her feelings are messed up from the five years of being alone.

“Do you still like pancakes?” Natasha holds the menu as she looks at Y/N.

She has never seen her mom so quiet, or insecure. Natasha has always been the brave one, she’d help Y/N build her confidence and make sure she knew how to stand up for herself.

“Yeah.” She clears her throat, Y/N wants to make an effort, she doesn’t want to disappoint them, or make them sad. “I don’t like blueberries anymore though.”

Natasha smiles as if that small bit of information is the most important thing she has heard, “okay, no blueberries.” When the waiter comes to ask for their orders, Natasha orders for all of them, like she used to five years ago, and Y/N lets her.

When Y/N leans her elbows to the table, still continuing to move the rings around her fingers, Wanda smiles, noticing they are hers. “How’s school?” She asks, lifting her eyes from her hands.

Y/N shrugs, she have much interest in school, “it’s fine, I guess. Fucking boring though.”

Language is the only word coming out of both Natasha and Wanda’s mouths at the sentence. The latter scrunches her nose, the fact her daughter isn’t still 14 years old still hasn’t fully settled in her mind. “Sorry.”

“No it’s- I’m sorry.” Y/N clears her throat again, it feels like something is constricting her airway. “I just haven’t had anyone comment on my language in a long time.” She lets out a short laugh, rubbing the spot between her eyes. “Have you gone back to being an Avenger?”

“No.”

“No?”

Natasha glances at Wanda, they’re having a silent conversation between each other, they weren’t going to talk about this yet, “we decided to put being an Avenger on pause, indefinitely.”

“Why? You love being an Avenger.”

Wanda has a gentle smile on her face as she finally dares to take hold of Y/N’s hand. “We love you more than anything else in the world. Being an Avenger can wait, we want to give all of our time to you.”

“Oh.” She doesn’t move her hand away, Y/N just stares at it. “What if I need a lot of time?”

“We aren’t in a hurry.”

Nodding, Y/N pulls her hand away once the waiter comes back to their table with three plates of pancakes. She starts eating the food, and she looks at her moms, realizing they look like a family, two moms and their daughter, and it scares the hell out of her.

She drops her fork, making her moms look at her, “what’s wrong, little one?” The pet name slips out of Wanda’s mouth, she swore to stop using it, it makes Y/N’s heart drop into her stomach.

“Uhm-“ Y/N draws in a quick breath, making it instantly clear to her mother’s what’s wrong. They stand up and move to Y/N’s side of the booth, Wanda squeezing herself past her so their daughter is in the middle of them.

Fortunately for them, they’re sitting in a corner booth, giving them privacy, but Natasha sets her body in a way that hides Y/N from anyone’s gaze.

“You’re safe.” Wanda whispers with a level of calmness that shows this isn’t the first time Y/N has had a panic attack. “Your moms are here to keep you safe.”

Biting her already sore lip, Y/N raises her head to look at Wanda, her eyes teary and breathing wheezy as she tries to hold in her struggling. Wanda’s soft eyes bore into her own, but she doesn’t feel the defiance or terror she felt when first seeing her moms. She feels safe. Comforted. She feels like a kid.

When a quiet, “mama,” leaves her lips, Wanda wraps her arms around her and looks at Natasha. “Let’s go.” She whispers, standing up with Y/N’s legs and arms around her.

They walk over to the red car, Wanda putting Y/N into the backseats before going to the driver’s seat, and Natasha going to sit with their daughter. As the car starts, Natasha wraps her arms around Y/N, not caring about their seatbelts in the moment.

The drive to Wanda and Natasha’s house is quiet apart from Y/N’s heavy breathing and the soft whispers coming out of Natasha’s mouth as she tries to comfort her.

“I’m sorry.” Y/N whispers as the car comes to a sop. Wanda moves from the driver’s to the backseats with her family, feeling like staying in the car will be easier for now.

They’re all smushed into a pile, “don’t apologize, you haven’t done anything wrong,” Natasha’s hand goes through Y/N’s hair, melting the at the familiar softness of it.

Her breathing slows down and she starts feeling calmer in her mothers’ arms. “Can I stay with you for a little while?”

“Little one,” the pet name doesn’t bother her anymore, “you can stay with us as long as you want.” Wanda sets her hands on Y/N’s cheeks, rubbing them with her thumbs.

Y/N nods, a small weight has been lifted off of her shoulders. She feels like she is able to lean on to her mothers again, at least with some things. She doesn’t have to be so alone anymore.

[thegreymarveljedi]

Permanent Scars

(Hunter + Omega + Echo (NO ROMANCE!!))

This is a fic that was requested to me by @genericficerblog

I apologize for how short it is and for how long it took me to finish but I am actually quite proud of how this turned out!

Characters: Omega, Hunter, Echo

Type(s): Hurt/Comfort, Angst

Setting: Rex's Ship

Era: Shortly after Season 3 Episode 7

Other Small Details: Omega mentions something about her time on Kamino when talking about Tantiss. When Hunter and Echo probe a bit later, Omega gives an insight into the horrors she endured.

Please also include Omega showing her extensively IV Scarred Upper Arms/

(I hope this isn't too heavy for you)

This is not my usual type of story but I think branching out and writing different things is good and I think it helped me a lot.

I also want to preface again that there is NOTHING ROMANTIC BETWEEN THESE CHARACTERS. Whatever is in this story is strictly between siblings. If anyone tries to say otherwise you will be blocked from my page indefinitely.

Warning: ANGST!!, Hurt/Comfort, mentions of medical procedures, needles, scarring, medical equipment, neglect, mistreatment, loneliness, Hunter and Echo being dads.

(DO NOT CONTINUE IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY ANYTHING MENTIONED IN THE WARNINGS ABOVE!! There are plenty of other fluffy stories on my Masterlist that are not angsty)

Words: 1.2K

—————

The ship was quiet for now, not many words to be spoken between the group after their losses on Teth. Rex and Hunter continued to speak in hushed voices as everyone else tried to shake off the awful feelings of the close calls.

Omega had woken up and was still leaning against batcher, just looking at the needle scaring on her left hand. She was used to endless needles from her time on Kamino and just like those scars, these would fade but never go away.

Omega stood up and walked over to Echo, taking his hand in hers. Echo jumped a little at the contact, not expecting Omega to be up.

“Everything okay kid?” He asked and kneeled down to her height, checking her over briefly.

“Do we have any bacta on board?” She asked quietly. Echo’s eyes went a little wide and he gave her another once over but Omega stopped him by raising her hand.

“I’m not hurt, I just want to put some on to help the scars fade,” she said and Echo visibly winced at the many needle marks etched into the young girls hand.

“Yeah, let’s go get you some,” Echo said and ushered Omega to the back of the ship, helping her sit up on the cot they had there.

Hunter had heard the whole exchange and from where he stood with Rex, excusing himself to check on Omega when he walked into the space, he closed the door to give the three of them privacy, walking over and giving Omega a short hug.

Omega returned the embrace readily, let her shoulders relax. Echo returned with bacta not a moment later and Hunter helped Omega out of her jacket, only to be left in her outfit from Pabu.

“How are you feeling Omega?” Hunter asked, checking Omega over just as Echo had done.

“I’m doing fine,” she replied shortly as Echo pulled up the sleeve of her left arm to rest in the middle of her forearm. He took her hand a gentle began to massage the bacta into it, being mindful not to apply so much pressure to the still slightly tender skin.

Omega closed her eyes and tried to breathe, not used to having anyone but AZ to help her with this process. Hunter Nnoticed and put his hand on Omegas shoulder, encouraging her to take deep breathes.

“I’m sorry if it hurts kid,” Echo said as he finished up, closing up the tube of bacta and going to put it away.

“It’s okay. Nothing I haven’t gone through before,” she said, looking down at her now bactaed and wrapped hand.

“What do you mean?”

“What?”

“What do you mean it’s nothing you haven’t been through before?”

Omega hesitated with her response, not having fully discussed with her brothers the exact treatment she received on Kamino. She trusted them immensely but this was something she didn’t like talking about. Echo had returned and was now standing with Hunter, not wanting to push Omega but also curious as to what she meant. She sighed, knowing it was futile to hide anything from her brothers.

“Tantiss wasn’t pleasant by any means. But somehow I was able to endure what they put me through. The needles everyday, the sight of my brothers beaten down and broken, the stoic faces of the doctors and the unforgiving loneliness I felt,” she spoke softly and Echo and Hunter listened. Both of them felt guilty for her capture after Eriadu, the lost of Tech hitting everyone hard and making them vulnerable.

“It felt almost like Kamino in a way. I was alone except for Nala se, the other Kaminoans were never mean but they also weren’t welcoming to me. Watching everyday as more of my brother came in from the front lines injured or shaken up was awful,” she took a deep breath, wiping away some of the tears that had gathered in her eyes. Recounting her time on either planet was hard, but she wanted to push through talking about it.

Omega rolled up her sleeves further and both Hunter and echo gasped at the shear about of scars that littered her arms. There were about 100 needle scars between both arms, some patches of skin bruised to indicate some kind of patch being used as well. There were a few scars along her forearms that indicated a scalpel had been used and burn marks here or there. Her arms were covered in them, all reminders of her time on Kamino not just as a science experiment, but as a prisoner.

“Omega,” Hunter whispered almost silently. She put up her hand to stop him as she kept talking.

“I was an experiment to them and nothing more. To Nala se, I was like a daughter but one that she could use as a test subject without feeling guilty about it. My blood was take, parts of my skin were tests, I was hooked up to wires almost everyday,” the haunted tone behind her voice made Echo turn away briefly to wipe his own eyes, flashes from his time on Skako Minor returning to him. She stood up and moved the hem of her pants down just the slightest bit to show the scars on her hips as well.

“They took bone marrow, part of my liver, so many things were taken and they always left scars. With time they faded and with AZ’s help I put bacta on them to help them heal and fade faster but the scars are permanent,” Omega said and readjusted her clothes, making sure that her scars were covered up once again.

“It’s not something I like talking about but I guess it gets easier when I do. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” She said and Hunter enveloped her in a tight hug, leaving no room for argument.

“You have nothing to apologize for Omega, none of this was your fault. Not Kamino, not Tantiss, not any of it,” Hunter spoke softly, his own tears threatening to spill from his eyes as he held his sister. Echo wrapped his arms around both of them, trying his best to contain his emotions as he patted Omega’s back gently.

“You’re safe now Omega. You’ll never be alone again. No one will hurt you anymore and you won’t have to go back to either of those awful places,” Echo said and he felt Omega nod into the hug, her shoulders shaking with raw emotions.

“Thank you. Both of you, for never giving up on me.”

“You’re our kid Omega. You always will be.”

Echo nodded in agreement as he pulled away from the hug. Hunter slowly did as well, keeping close to Omega as she wiped her eyes.

“Thank you listening to me. I know it’s not easy to hear about this, especially for you Echo,” she said and looked to him. Echo shook his head and placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Like you said, it gets easier the more you open up about it,” he said and squeezed he shoulder very gently. Omega smiled at him and wiped away the last of her tears.

“We’ll protect you kid. I promise,” Hunter said and helped Omega down from the cot once more. She nodded and wrapped her arms around his waist again, wanting just one more hug. Hunter happily Obliged, wanting to reassure Omega that she was safe and sound.

—————

If you or someone you know has gone through a traumatic experience, please reach out to a helpline. DON’T go about suffering in silence. You’re loved by people and there are people out there who want to help you❤️

[theresivy]

PLEASE HELP: SIGNAL B*OST, D*NATE, OR C*MMISSION ME!!

Listed below are the TL;DR, How to Help, and Full story/Context. I’m sorry I had to resort to this but i have no other choice.

TL;DR version

Please help a mentally disabled fan artist’s family to pay for medical debts for c*ncer, insulin, maintenance meds (for depression, anxiety, etc), and cat food

How to Help

D*nations!!! - I only have P*yPal (also thru K*-fi) and GC*sh! Please dm me for the link or QR code

C*mmission me!!! - I really hate asking for help with nothing to give in return, so preferably please c*mmission me. I havent updated my new set of c*mmission sheet samples BUT heres a short, quick version attached on my post as a pic.

B*y my let-go collection of merchandise!!! (PH-based only please and sorry) - In order to try and make up for the em*tional ab*se me and my mom have to go thru on a daily basis just by living with dad, I ended up in a downward spiral and tried to buy things impulsively since 2020. So, now, we’re paying the price and I have been deeply regretting it ever since. So, plsase please please help buy my palugi (selling for a loss) let-go merchandise, theyre mostly official and am selling for a loss, we badly need the space and especially the funds. Weve only sold less than a half of my stock and it doesnt help that my dad keeps mocking me about it.

Share and S*gnal boost!!! - Tumblr is the only site where i have somewhat of an audience. Please please please help reblog, share, and signal boost.

Full Story/Context

Hi, I’m Theresivy (Teh-reese-ivy), I have been depressed and mentally impaired (among other things) who draws art as a multifandom self-taught fan artist, As of 2020 my mom’s tumor has turned into cancer that has only been given medical attention to in 2022 onwards. And as of then, i have indefinitely become a N,E.E.T for my mom and our finance’s sake while being there by her side. As of now she has gone through FOUR surgeries because more and more unexpected complications keep popping up. She doesnt deserve this, why couldnt it have been me,

We live with my emotionally abusive and manipulative dad (her husband) and our two fur daughters Pancake and Waffles (of which my cats and mom mean more than the world to me) while being forced to live in one of the countless apartment complexes my equally abuse maternal uncle (and his wife, my maternal A-I-L) as we have no other choice. And as such, my dad has been kissing their asses since we were forced to move here more than five years ago.

Both my uncle and my A-I-L took it upon themselves to become the defacto head of my maternal family ever since my maternal grandmother passed just because he became rich thru the means of evil entrepreneur practices. We cant do anything lest we want to get kicked and live on the streets. He is a real-life mastermind as he is always a few steps ahead of us, even making it so that his eldest daughter became his perfect pawn of being his personal lawyer. He always has connections and to them we are merely insects.

My parents and the rest of our family dont really see “artist” as anything that could get money rolling in (and day by day my failed attemptes have been proving them right), and on top of that, they see me being depressed and such as being the “freeloading couch potato”. So they keep bringing up how much of a failure I am. Weve been living in such toxic conditions that my mom has developed this sort of stockholm syndrome type relationship with my dad, and her younger brother (my uncle), and his wife (my A-I-L, her S-I-L). At first i thought i could try and save mom but shes too far gone that she strictly forbids me from fending for myself whenever either of the three try to berate me and drive me to tears and breaking down for the fifth time every week.

All i wish now is to be able to pay back at least some of the debt, for my mom and my fur daughters’ sake, and hopefully my own. I have been in a downwards spiral ever since i have been tolerating being the “odd one out” kid from school. in general, and even in the family, its been literal years and my entire life, im tired of being used and tossed to the side, im tired of being the punching bag of a cosmic joke, and im tired of my disabilities. im tired of being useless to the people i care for the most. so please. help us.

My wish now is to be able to help mom and our fur daughters move away from our domestic ab*sers. everything is an endless spiral of dead ends and im sick of it. ive been self sabotaging for years but a small part of me still has hope, please. i dont want to believe that this is where it ends for us. in this world of darkness and cruelty that spits on our faces, only my mom and our fur daughters have shown me the smallest glimpse of happiness. and even then ive failed them by becoming a barely functioning patient of depression. so, please, dont take my sunshines away.

[islands-0f-violence]

Kimetsu no... Isekai?

Chapter 2 [BACK] | [NEXT]

Not even falling asleep yet, there’s a commotion across the hall. I sigh heavily before sitting up and thinking. What are they doing now, come on, think of the plot… Zenitsu’s sudden war cry struck me.

Nezuko!

I scrambled out of the futon, almost tripping on my way to the door. I open the door and go to step out and stop. If they wanted me to meet Nezuko, they’d come to ask, right? I think it’d be pretty weird running up to their door and demanding to know what’s happening in there. The door barely made a sound as I slid it shut, choosing to stay inside my room. Honestly, there’s no reason for me to meet her. It’s not like I'm indefinitely here, so what difference would it make if Tanjiro told me about his sister or not?

I crawled back into the futon, getting comfortable again. It’ll happen eventually, I just have to give the story some time and try not to rush it. The story… I frown thinking about the current plot. I don’t know if I can bear seeing any favorites get slaughtered.

Bundling up in the blanket, I rolled over and shut my eyes tight. I tried to blank my mind out as empty as possible before falling asleep. I can’t stand sleeping on those thoughts now this is a reality.

( ˘▽˘)っ☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ

I jolted awake to the knocking at my door. Sitting up, I responded as one normally would. “Mom- Give me just a few moments-” And now processing the scene around me, I remembered my current situation. I felt my cheeks heat up at the instant response I had to whoever was knocking. There was slight laughter from the other side.

“It’s Tanjiro! I was just checking on you since you had slept in for a while.” The boy sounded nervous. I sighed and got up, neatening the futon I slept in up a bit.

Upon opening the door, Tanjiro was indeed standing there. “I’m awake, not dead. I promise. I mean, for now.”

Tanjiro gave a nervous chuckle. I frowned, realizing maybe that shouldn’t have been said. “Glad to see that! I wanted to know if you would like to join me and the others? There’s someone I’d like you to meet if that’s alright.” Nezuko! The grin that popped on my face was immediately wiped off, leaving Tanjiro confused. Thankfully, he never questioned it.

“Sure, that seems fine. I wasn’t sure anyone else would be joining us.” I follow behind him just across the hall. He opens his door and the other two are sitting around Tanjiro’s box. Tanjiro walks over to the box, pulling it away. I continued to stand there like a thirsty idiot, staring at Inosuke’s shirtless form. He seemed oblivious to the attention so that worked for me.

“Uh, (Y/N)?” I snap my head over to Tanjiro, humming in response. “I’m sorry, you seemed spaced out. I wanted you to meet my sister.” He opened the box and a small Nezuko popped out, careful as they had the door to the outside open. Ignoring Inosuke now, I squealed and flung myself in front of her. I reached out, but she backed away a bit causing me to retract my hands. I can’t forget she’s a person!

“Oh my, she’s so cute.” I gush, Zenitsu sitting beside me now nodding along.

“Isn’t she?! I couldn’t believe Tanjiro was carrying a girl this cute around with him this entire time!” Zenitsu fangirled.

“Tanj-” I turn to speak to him before a crow interrupts from Tanjiro’s lap.

“It is north! Northeast! To the north-northeast! Your next mission is in the north-northeast! Mt. Natagumo is your next stop! Leave now!” The boys’ faces were twisted with exasperation.

“I guess that’s what we’re doing next.” He shooed the bird away, getting up to get ready. Just vibing, I was watching him until he went to open his kimono. Oh-ho, OK, Tanjiro, I definitely don’t mind-

Ah, this is their room. I don’t think he would be doing this if-

“O-Oh, (Y/N)? If you don’t mind, we need to change real quick.” Tanjiro looked over and our eyes met, his face flushing slightly and I was caught red-handed. I got up with no complaints.

“D-Definitely, I’ll have to go and get ready to leave as well.” He looked like he wanted to say something, but before I could ask, Zenitsu spoke up.

“(Y/N)-san~ I’ll accompany you so that you’re not lonely!” I turned to see Nezuko back in her box and Zenitsu bouncing toward me. So, that’s why he’s after me now. How cruel to treat me as a replacement for Nezuko. He’s not even trying to hide it.

I held out my arm to stop him from tackling me. “No, thanks, I can do this myself.” I walked out and shut the door behind me before he could jump out after me. I entered my own room just moments after and changed into something familiar. I don’t have slayer uniforms as they do, and I’d feel weird just wearing what the nice lady had provided around. I looked over my outfit that I came in here and it appeared to be cleaner than what I had left it. How long did I sleep? Wait, if they’re leaving now, that means they got clearance from the doctor about their broken ribs.

How long was I asleep?

Damn, it!

I shake my head, I can’t think about this right now. Changing, I quickly tidy up the room. Since she was so nice to let me stay here, I might as well make it easy for her to clean up after me. I made sure everything was in order before I left the room and walked down the hall. The other three were already ready, standing around the entryway to the house.

“Finally! You’re slow!” Inosuke points dramatically at me. I scowl at him.

“Oh, shut it.” That seems to rile him up even more, which causes Tanjiro and Zenitsu to sigh.

“Let’s just go- No fighting!” Tanjiro exclaimed, grabbing my wrist to pull me with him. Antsy to leave much? Zenitsu’s whines could be heard as he followed us out and Inosuke continued to grumble but didn’t object. Soon, we stood at the gate, the old lady seeing us off. Once again, we had to hold Inosuke back due to a misunderstanding, but once that was settled, we were on our way. I could almost bounce up and down right now. I don’t know why, but nothing but excitement is what I feel right now. Should I really be this happy heading to Mt. Natagumo? I don’t think so, but the sudden realization that I’m isekai-ing is giving me an unbelievable high right now.

Zenitsu gives me a puzzled look. “I know you’re new here, but should you really be that excited about a mission?” This guy read me like a book. Actually, he probably heard it, rather than read it. I try to calm down. It’s not like I can say, ‘Sorry, the thought of traveling with some of my favorite characters is exhilarating.’

“Excited for a mission?” I echo. “Considering you guys are slaying demons, I suppose I shouldn’t. But this is the first time I’ll see them, so maybe I’m just anxious?” That’s a lie, I know he’s got to hear that damn lie. Tanjiro probably even smelled how fake that lie was, but neither spoke against it.

“Anxious is the right mood to be in,” Zenitsu mumbled.

From the corner of my eye, I could tell Tanjiro was eyeing me. It felt like he wanted to say something, but wasn’t. I ignored the feeling and kept going forward. Inosuke’s current rant about the competition on the mountain is helping suppress it.

( ˘▽˘)っ☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ

After several hours, the sun is finally setting. The conversation died down a little and the sound of our feet scuffing the dirt below us was the only thing exchanged. Not even minutes later, the sun was gone and the dark overtook us. I was so focused on getting to our next destination that I didn’t notice Zenitsu halted.

“G-Guys! I think we should stop here!” We paused and turned around, facing the yellow form on the ground. Was he shaking? I guess he really is terrified.

“What’s wrong?” I ask, blinking. I know what’s wrong, I just want to hear him say it. Ah, that was a little sadistic, huh?

“I-I’m nervous!” He began sweating profusely.

“The way he’s sitting is weird. I don’t like it.” Inosuke spoke up, pointing out the way Zenitsu cowered behind his own knees.

“WHO ARE YOU TO SAY WHO IS WEIRD?” Zenitsu shouted, astounded at the hypocrisy Inosuke spews. “There’s no way you guys don’t feel it- Don’t get these vibes?!” He points up at the mountain behind us, therefore causing us to look up at it. We stared for a moment before Tanjiro spoke up.

“Even so, we can’t just ignore it.” He looked back at the mountain, staring a bit longer.

“I told you he was weird!” Inosuke exclaimed, pointing at Zenitsu. They began to bicker again.

“God, you guys are going to give me a headache.” I rubbed my forehead. Zenitsu squealed again.

“There’s no way you’re not scared of that mountain, huh?!” Oh, now he’s attacking me? I think about the mountain and what events should transpire. Oh, yes!

“Nope.” I snap and smile at him. No one good dies and that’s all that matters. Well, I guess I can’t say anything about myself at this time, but at the thought of eventually meeting the Hashira, I wasn’t going to complain yet. “I think we’ll be fine.” He began to bawl at these words. I suppose they solidified his need to ascend Mt. Natagumo.

“Do you guys… smell that?” Tanjiro’s sudden words grabbed our attention.

“Smell? I don’t smell anything.” I say, just barely getting the words out of my mouth before Tanjiro runs off, causing Inosuke to follow.

“Oh, come on! Don’t leave us!” Zenitsu hauled himself off the ground in a pitiful fashion. I watched his show at getting up before I shook myself and ran to catch up to the other two, effectively leaving Zenitsu behind. “Not you too!” He wailed behind me.

Before long, the body of another slayer came into visage. He collapsed on the ground, his sword out to the side, as if he barely made it down. Tanjiro begins to walk up to him to check on his state.

“Pl-Please, help me! Don’t let me die here!” Upon hearing our footsteps, he looked up, tears instantly welling in his eyes. The absolutely pitiful display of this slayer in front of me made my knees a little weak. Not scared of coming here, huh? I can’t help but feel real about this situation. I step forward, reaching out.

“W-We have to-” I go to tell them about the spider strings attached to the boy, but before the words are out of my mouth, he is flung up. His sword is discarded in his panic about being pulled back into the forest.

“No-! They were on me too!” His wails died down as whatever fate he was to endure was met. I wince, just imagining the crunch of him flinging into the ground that hard. Or worse, getting impaled through a branch. We stared after him for a bit, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Tanjiro shiver. He must’ve caught a whiff of the big boy of the forest here.

Ugh, spiders.

“I’m going in.” Tanjiro’s face hardens, I can tell he’s trying to gather his resolve. Inosuke shoulders his way in front of Tanjiro.

“Stay behind me like a cowering animal. I’ll go in first. This is making me hungry.” The last part was said on a guttural growl, which I’m not gonna lie, made me feel some ways. Inosuke began to run ahead and Tanjiro hesitated after him. Tanjiro and my eyes met for a brief second before he continued to run after the boar. Was he going to ask me to stay behind? I looked at Zenitsu, who was screaming about Inosuke being a showoff and nodded once. I suppose he thinks Zenitsu and I can chill out here while they head into the forest. I grin. I won’t sit tight like at the mansion this time.

I pick up the discarded sword the slayer had left. I doubt he’ll need it anymore, unfortunately. “What are you doing?!” Zenitsu almost screams. I turn slowly to look at him and just blink, not responding. He’s doing exaggerated hand signals and making weird noises to try to get an answer out of me. In return, I finally let out a smile. His face goes from concerned to confused back to concerned so fast I don’t know if I should laugh. I salute him, turn away, and begin to run off, leaving him screaming. “(Y/N)! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”

I keep running, ignoring the man yelling behind me. Eventually, I can’t hear him anymore and the trees are surrounding me. The countless spiders and webs around were hard to miss, and I began to pick my way further gingerly to avoid any of them. I keep walking, but no matter how far I go, I don’t see any signs of Tanjiro or Inosuke. I didn’t think they’d be that far ahead. I should’ve gone with them as soon as they left and not fuck with Zenitsu’s mentality. I walk around for what seems like only seconds before rustling out to my side got my attention. I looked over, gripping the sword in my hands tightly.

The bushes I’m facing are shaking now, something making its way toward me. After a moment, a body emerges and a weak slayer walks up to me. I let my guard down for a moment. He’s muttering something and I walk closer to try to listen to him. “Wh-What?”

“...kill me… Please…” He sounded so tired, but he continued to limp forward. Was he limping before? I narrowed my eyes at the man before I readied my sword again, getting ready to swing. Eyeing his back carefully, I swung out over it, feeling some resistance as threads were severed. The slayer before I collapsed, groaning as he hit the ground below him. “No… use. They’ll get me… again.” His breathing is getting more labored and when I tried to roll him onto his back, he yelped out in pain. I stopped immediately, not wanting to cause any more harm than good.

“I-I’m sorry- I just thought it’d be easier to breathe-” He cut me off.

“Leave. Get out.” Through lidded eyes, he looked up at me and pleaded. “You’re… no slayer. If I can’t live… you can’t…” Coughs racked his body and blood spewed from his lips. Swallowing, I shook my head.

“I can’t leave. Not yet.” He looked defeated at that moment, the energy that he once had draining. Before I knew it, his eyes were shut and his torso was no longer expanding. I froze and looked at the body in front of me. “H-Hello…?” I spoke and then held my breath, trying to look for any signs of life.

Nothing.

I exhaled, collapsing myself to take in the situation. Did I really just witness someone’s end of life? Slapping myself, I stood and turned away. There’s no way I can let this get to me, especially since it doesn’t compare to what he went through. I began to walk away when heavy thumps and more rustling happened again. Not another.

I turned and saw the body of the slayer I just witnessed die rise again. My blood turned cold at the sight. I should’ve expected this, but seeing it happen disturbed me on a different level. Maybe I should’ve stayed with Zenitsu. Facing the marionette's body before me, I held my sword out in defense again. The head of the body cocked itself to the side like it was observing me. Oh no, please don’t do that I might cry. Swinging my blade towards it again, aiming for the threads, the body actually dodges this time and swings back. I yelp, rolling backward awkwardly to get away from it. Standing, I get ready to face it again when I notice the body was joined with other slayers. Some were dead, and some were alive.

I’m not going to get out of this easily.

Instead of facing them with my limited ability to fight, I turn and begin to run. I rip through webs and small spiders, squishing them when I found them on myself. God, I hope there’s none of those webs attached to me. Considering I haven’t been swung around like a doll yet is probably a good sign. After a few moments, I finally break through to a clearing. “Yes-!” And a sword swings itself my way. “No-!”

I jerk myself back as the blade barely misses me and land on my ass. “Stop!” I finally focus on what’s in front of me, and it’s not entirely a nice situation. I had just run in on Inosike and Tanjiro going off against a group of puppet slayers. Tanjiro had managed to pull Inosuke back before his sword made contact with me. “Can’t you see that’s (Y/N)?!” He scolded.

Inosuke just scoffed. “All I know is we were being attacked.”

“And you- What are you doing here?! I thought I asked you to stay outside the forest?!” Tanjiro pointed at me.

“What?! All you did was look at me! You never once asked me to!” Which is true, he’s been sus the entire way here!

“I- Ugh, well you should’ve known what I meant!” Is this really happening? Is the Kamado Tanjiro trying to gaslight me? I actually laughed before I could stop myself.

Standing, I dusted off my ass. “Nope, we’re not doing this. I can’t read your mind.” His face turned red and he huffed. Wow, he’s gotta be mad if he’s this defiant this early in the series. Before I could open my mouth and say anything further, Inosuke reached forward and yanked me behind him, tossing me toward Tanjiro. I grunted as I came in contact with Tanjiro, him steading both of us. I regained my sense of balance and turned towards Inosuke, ready to tell him off when I saw him run headfirst into a puppet. I swallowed the curse words I was about to say, suddenly feeling grateful.

The force with which he hit them sent them flying, getting tangled around branches. “That’s it-” Tanjiro pulled away from me, running towards another puppet, pulling off such an attack that forced them into the same position. “All we have to do is tangle them up! Then they can’t move. Maybe we can save them this way.” He and Inosuke began to run at others.

Oh shit, can I even do that? I’m not too positive. Speaking of which, in front of me now stood a puppet, she was trembling but kept swinging her sword to the pulls of her strings. Her face contorted with a newfound pain each time she was forced to move. Gritting my teeth, I readied my sword. Someone has got to put her out of her misery, whether she dies or is hanging by a tree. No matter what I choose to do, she’ll end up dead. Turning my sword to where the butt of the handle was facing out, I charged at her as fast as I could. I pushed the hilt into her sternum, pushing harder to force her into the air.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough force to wrap her around the large branches like how the other two were doing it. But, it did get her caught, just barely hanging in such a way that her body couldn’t be utilized in such a macabre manner anymore. I turned to the boys beside me, smiling in triumph at my small victory. They had already shoved several more bodies into the branches by the time I had gotten my one up. Taking a few breaths, Tanjiro met my gaze for a moment to assess whether I was clear over here. He managed to let out a half smile at me in response to my small accomplishment. Looking around once more, I realized the current situation wasn’t about to be as nice as it seemed. I let my expression falter to panic before I could mask my realization.

Realizing himself, Tanjiro turned and looked upwards at the twisted scene of bodies hanging. Inosuke barely made it to the next guy in front of him to flip into the trees when he stopped, too. The three of us were forever haunted by the sickening crunch each neck gave as the demoness controlling them finished them off. I bit my lower lip, frustrated with how Rui must’ve just gotten cross with his ‘mother.’

“Damn it! That damn thing went and killed them all!” Inosuke exclaimed, caught off guard by the sudden action. To say my stomach didn’t turn would be a lie, but it was hard to mourn when I knew it was coming. Unless we had killed the mother sooner, there was no way to save them. I was dallying about and I could’ve warned them.

Gripping my sword in self-loathing, I watched as Tanjiro approached the dead slayer slumped on the ground. He seemed to study the body for a moment, most likely trying to get a whiff of the demoness that was controlling them. After a moment, he stood.

“Let’s go.”

“No argument here.”

“Aye,” I responded.

Tanjiro breathes in before he begins to run in a chosen direction. Inosuke and I follow without complaint. Well, I have a few complaints but that’s mostly about my unhealthiness. God, I can barely keep up with running with these guys. Over my panting, I heard Tanjiro call out Inosuke’s name. He responded with a low growl. “I’ll hack his head off.” Blinking hard, I focused my vision through the dark to see what they were talking about.

Inosuke jumps and goes to land an attack on the puppet and I run into Tanjiro’s back, distracted from trying to see the monster ahead. “S-Sorry-” I push out, but Tanjiro is focused on the headless being in front of us.

“It’s got no head!” Inosuke was equally as shocked as Tanjiro, it seemed.

Shaking himself out of it, he lined up his sword with the beast. “Listen! Slice from that point in its neck and follow through all the way to its opposite hip. It’s a lot of mass, but I’m sure we can- Wait!” He explains, and once Inosuke charges ahead he’s demanding him to stop. “Don’t go alone!”

He attempts to attack it and fails. In the middle of another charge, a spider begins to wrap its threads around his limbs. “H-Huh?! I can’t move!” The monster is now dashing towards him, ready to slice through his torso.

Tanjiro and I rushed forward to help, I went behind Inosuke and cut the threads while Tanjiro stood in front and blocked the attack. I supported Inosuke’s weight as he fell back onto his feet.

“Are you OK?” I asked, looking up at him.

Like in the anime, Inosuke seems to look at the two of us with an emotion I can’t describe. If I absolutely needed to, I’d say it was embarrassment maybe? Oh, well.

“Inosuke, (Y/N). This is a tough opponent, but I’m sure if we work together we can definitely defeat him!” Tanjiro gave us his words of encouragement.

Inosuke’s morale increased 5+!

“STOP! You’re making me feel even giddier than before!” He definitely was embarrassed. I snickered. “This thing’s in my way!”

Tanjiro turned and knelt just a few feet in front of us. “Go! Jump!” The boar seemed to get the idea as he charged forward and used the box on Tanjiro’s back as a step to expunge himself into the air. Once there, he took out the monster’s arm. Tanjiro threw his leg weight backward, balancing on his head. Upon trying to swing, he begins to fall backward. I quickly jump forwards, sliding on my knees to make it in time and supporting him, keeping him up right-or should I say, upside down? I watched from my front-row seat as Tanjiro readied himself for his fourth form. Swinging, he took out the monster’s legs in a quick swipe. “Now, Inosuke!”

Not missing a beat, Inosuke came down, slashing his serrated blades exactly as Tanjiro had instructed earlier. I watched with wide eyes as he finished the monster off, slicing through like butter. The being was no more.

“You did it!” Tanjiro cheered.

“Hell yeah!” I chimed in, happy I didn’t die from a stray sword coming my way. The boar just stared, contemplating something in response. On cue, he began to charge towards Tanjiro, scooping him up and flinging him with nothing but raw, brute force into the air. I watched him fly, flailing until he caught a whiff of the demoness.

“Whew, I gotta say, that’s an 8.5/10.”

“Huh?” The boar beside me questioned, confused.

I sighed. “Don’t worry about it, I didn’t expect you to understand in the first place.” He snorted in response. I eyed his form, looking over the gashes littering his body from the fight against the puppets. “Here, let me do something about that.” I grab at the bottom of my shirt, ripping from the bottom of the seem to grab a few pieces of cloth. By the time I had grabbed what I thought I needed, I was left with a crop top. I can’t be picky about what I wear right now, I suppose.

Eying the cloth in my hands suspiciously, Inosuke took a few steps back. “Take care of what?!” What does he think, I’m a mob boss?

“Your wounds, dipshit.” I grabbed his arm, pulling him closer before he could get too far for me to reach him and catch up. He fought back, but once I got the first cloth wrapped around the gash in his arm, he stopped and let me continue. I hummed lightly while wrapping him to pass the time. I might as well get this out of the way, I’m sure Tanjiro would be concerned with this as soon as he gets back, and that’ll be less for him to do. I finished up his other arm and moved down to his torso. He flinched slightly every time I grazed the skin of his chest or back when I was tying the cloth around him, but no complaints other than that. “Perfect, I hope that helps you a bit.”

He didn’t say anything, just looked over my work in response. Feeling smug with how there were no complaints about my work, I kept an eye out for Tanjiro in the direction he was thrown. Inosuke jerking me around to face him ruined that for me. “What are you doing? Did I miss something? Ahh-!” I squeal as he grabs at the new bottom of my shirt, tearing more off. Stuttering, I tried to get him to stop. “I-Inosuke, stop- You’re going to take all of the shirt! I still want to be covered up.” I could feel my face heating up but was unable to prevent him from getting an extra few inches of cloth off my shirt. Looking down at my torso, I began to fret at how little cloth was left. At least it could be considered a shirt still.

I felt a firm hand grip my leg, causing me to look down at Inosuke kneeling before me. Before I could question him further, he began to wrap it around my calf. Bending to look, there were some minor scratches on my leg from where I had tripped earlier. It was nothing fatal and could've been done without the wrap. “There. I can do this too!” He stood, finished with his sloppy tie job. He stood there with his hands on his waist, admiring his own job.

I laughed. “Well, thank you.” Watching his form, his breathing was ragged. He’s exhausted from all of this and I’m not surprised. I haven’t done even half of what they’re doing and I feel like I can sleep for weeks. The sound of footsteps grabbed our attention, and we looked over to see Tanjiro walking up to us.

“Did you finish the demon?!” Inosuke pointed dramatically, demanding an answer.

“Yes! Of course, I did.” He looked over at Inosuke as I did, except he seemed more relaxed seeing the bandages.

“Are you doing OK, Tanjiro?” I ask, tilting my head. I know Inosuke won’t ask, so I feel like I should. “How’re your injuries?” I begin to reach out and pat his arms and torso down.

His face bloomed red as he tried to stop me. “No, I’m good. My injuries aren’t that bad. I promise.” He held my wrists now, stopping me from giving him a pat down.

“Mm, OK, I’m just making sure.” I went to pull my arms away, and he held me tighter. “Tanjiro?”

“I think, now that we have this time, you should go back down the mountain. Inosuke, you should go with her. With your injuries, you don’t need to be here and you can also make sure she gets down-” I jerk my hands out of his grasp.

“No, thank you, let’s go, Inosuke. I’m having fun.” We both dash off away from Tanjiro, giggling as he ran exasperatedly after us. I stopped at the edge of a river. “Oo, look there are stepping stones!” I point at a path crossing the river.

Inosuke makes a b-line for the path, jumping around on the rocks. While he was fucking around, Tanjiro ran out of the brush into the river clearing with us.

“There was no excuse to run like that!” He puffed his cheeks out. I turned away and poked at the river water below me.

“Sorry, I couldn’t let you coerce me and Inosuke into leaving. I had to leave before your sweet words were processed by this.” I tap my head, still not looking at him. Before I could say anything else, movement caught my eye. I snapped my gaze up and looked across the river where a pair of pale eyes met mine. “Tanjiro, Inosuke, demon.” I said calmly, not leaving her gaze.

Inosuke cries out, drawing his swords and rushing at the spider girl across the river, hopping from stone to stone with precision.

“Now, father!” She called out, giving the signal to–I never thought I’d have to describe this–a large, buff spider man. And no, not Spiderman as the marvel character. Like, this was a large buff man with the face of a spider. And yes, in real life this is absolutely terrifying to face. I’m glad to say that I’ve never had the monster fucking urge for this character.

“Who are you calling father?!” Inosuke questioned and soon went quiet as he popped up.

“Ohh, man. This guy seems messy.” I hold my sword up. Tanjiro glances over at me.

“You’re not holding that right.” I shot him a look saying ‘not the time.’ He shivered and nodded, choosing life today.

Inosuke’s body being forced back as the man landed in front of him snapped us out of our conversation. I watched as the spider girl from before watched the scene for a few moments before sliding into the trees.

“Don’t you come near my family!” The demon lunged at Inosuke again, causing him to jump backward. Inosuke had barely jumped out of distance, so taking this chance at the demon’s miscalculation, Tanjiro quickly struck down at his arm, failing to sever it despite the force behind his blow.

I glanced past them where the girl had slipped away and saw that the stone path was clear once again. I looked back at their fight and decided it wasn’t going to stay clear for long. “I’m going after the girl-” And without waiting for a response, I ran ahead, almost slipping on the wet stones.

I run forwards, searching. It’s been so long, a half an hour maybe? I’m not too sure where she is. Tanjiro only finds her and her brother because he’s literally thrown over there. “Fuck, of course, I would choose to do something nearly impossible for me. It’s not like I can smell where the Kizuki is.” I slow my pace, trying not to stray obscenely far from where Tanjiro and Inosuke are fighting.

However, I feel like if I don’t press forward, I’ll never find the spider demons. God, just thinking about it makes me think about how lucky I am. I have zero sword knowledge and I’m surviving–barely–here on Mt. Natagumo with slayers!

I took a few breaths and forced a smile. I can make it through this. So, I’ll keep going forward-

And there was no longer any ground underneath me.

In the midst of my self-encouragement, I lost focus on the landscape around me. The ground suddenly turned into a slick slope, falling out beneath me and causing me to yelp and tumble down. After several long seconds of rolling down a hill, I finally hit flat land–and a tree.

“Oof,” I grunt, catching the wind that was knocked out of me from hitting the tree so hard. I sat there for a few minutes, inhaling slowly to avoid the sharp pains in my ribcage for now. They seem to subside and I haul myself to my feet, continuing forward since I can’t climb the slope safely. I finally walked up a path. I’m so thankful because I was getting tired of the random tree roots I’d trip over. At least now I can see where I’m stepping. The tree just ahead is where I’m about to lean against to catch my breath. My ribs are killing me.

I take only a few more steps forward when I hear screaming. It’s getting louder as if it’s coming straight at me. I look around, trying to pinpoint the source when Tanjiro comes flipping in, landing an attack on the tree I was about to rest against. I stare at him, seeing my life flash before my eyes for the first time since waking up in this world.

“Whew, I stuck the landing…” He’s out of breath, shocked that he survived such a fall. Taking a deep breath, he snaps his head towards me. “(Y/N)? You made it all the way out here?!” He scrambled up, looking me over.

I nodded. “I fell most of the way, so don’t praise me yet.” I gave a dry laugh and pointed out my side. The area around my ribs is starting to bruise and with the lack of shirt because of Inosuke, it’s easy to see. He frowned and reached out, fingers trailing across my injury softly.

I swallowed at the action and went to say something when an intense scream was heard. It was feminine and there was no way it was not Rui torturing his sister. I crouched down, pulling Tanjiro with me and walking forward several feet until we got to a clearing.

Just in front of us was the spider sister, kneeling in front of Rui. Obvious blood dripped and pooled from her face. As much as I wanted to avert my gaze, I needed to watch this interaction.

“You two. What are you looking at? This isn’t a play.” We stiffened up at his call out.

“If you didn’t want anyone to watch, why do it in a public space?” I questioned.

Tanjiro looked over at me exasperatedly and then back at the spider boy. “This is… wrong! Why are you hurting her? Aren’t you on the same side?”

“‘Same side’? You don’t know anything about us. She is family, and what happens in the family stays in the family. We’re connected by a powerful bond.” I couldn’t help but laugh at this.

“‘Whatever happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas'.” I mocked. This received glares from all around the room, so I coughed and shut my mouth.

“Shut it, marechi.” He glared over at me. Marechi? Jesus, fuck, there’s no way they set this to hard mode and made me a marechi upon dumping me in this world. I’m lucky this is our first encounter with a demon! “If you two insist on interfering, I’ll carve you up.” Rui held up the web in his hands threateningly.

Tanjiro shook his head. “No… This isn’t a bond of familial ties. All I smell is fear and hatred here. This isn’t a sisterly bond you share, it’s a bond out of force and submission. Nothing like that is having a true family. It’s fake, just a forgery.” Looking over at the girl on the ground, she began to cry. The absolute truth of Tanjiro’s words getting under her skin.

“What,” Rui demanded, his facade breaking and anger consuming his face. “You… You little…” He glared at us.

Looking over his shoulder, movement caught my gaze. A male slayer was making his way toward Rui with his sword drawn. I brought my hands up and tried to get his attention, drawing lines at my neck to hit at he’s gonna die if he continues with what he was doing.

“Now, it’s my time to shine… I will take down this demon…!” The boy ignored every warning. “This one looks manageable and will leave my pocket full!”

“Hold on, you don’t want to do that-” Tanjiro called out, also trying to stop him.

I could hear it before I saw it happen. The subtle squelch as threads made their way through his entire body. I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment, not wanting to see the chunks of meat that were falling to the ground. Thud, thud, thud… The sound was sickening, but I forced my eyes open since it was over with.

“Now, what did you just say?” Tanjiro faced Rui defensively. “I said, what did you just say?” The seething look Rui had did not fail to keep me in my spot, frozen. He still kept quiet, thinking about this situation must really have his gears going. Rui became more and more impatient with each second that passed. “Well? Explain it to me at once!”

Tanjiro’s face hardened. “Of course! I would be glad to. What you have is NOT a family bond. It’s nothing!” This only confirmed the demon's hatred in front of us more.

“Yeah, you heard him, you’re nothing but a bitch that forces people to be your family because you’re unlikeable.” Not completely true, but I figured since I’m here I might as well throw some gasoline on the fire.

The look I received from Tanjiro was well worth the massive cut I took to the leg for saying that though. “Erk-” I knelt now, pressing a hand over the fast-bleeding wound. “Worth.”

“You two… I’m not going to kill you in a single strike. However, if you take what you just said, I’ll give you a merciful death.”

“No thank you!”

“I refuse! Not on your life!” I smirked and Tanjiro readied himself for the fight. From behind Rui, I could see the sister gaping at us. Well, probably more at Tanjiro. He is defending her right to a stable family bond more so than I am. I’m just here for the show, to be honest, and these two demons are irredeemable.

They stare off for a moment before Rui finally weaves his webs to attack. “Watch out” Tanjiro shoves me away, and I roll with the inertia that gave me. However, that didn’t spare me as in seconds webs are tangled around my wrists and ankles. They tighten and blood begins to well at the threads. I let go of the sword I held, vocalizing my discomfort.

“(Y/N)!” Tanjiro calls out, watching as I’m hoisted up and hanging from a tree.

“Don’t bother with her or I’ll have her in finer slices than the slayer from earlier.” Once again, he attacked, this time at Tanjiro. He managed to dodge and create some distance between the two.

I swallowed around the thread that appeared around my neck. “Don’t worry about me Tanjiro, just focus on fighting.” Giving a slight nod, he got back into battle stance and charged at Rui.

“Water breathing, first form, water surface slash!” He brought the breath-powered sword down onto the thread before him, attempting to slice him. I wince at the sharp sound of metal breaking and Tanjiro stares wide-eyed at the now-halved sword in front of him and barely dodges the thread. He managed to survive it, but now a large cut adorned his cute face.

I watched helplessly as he struggled to get up, having trouble accepting his sword's break. His panting is audible and it’s taking everything he has to dodge all the threads Rui is throwing his way. I doubt that box with Nezuko is making anything better on him. Damn, I should’ve convinced him to let me hold her earlier. At least then he could use everything to fight instead of protect and carry her plus some.

“Are you really not going to take what you said back?” The demon asked. It’s like he expected us to beg for our lives on our knees in front of him. That’s the kind of complacency that gets you killed, people. He stands there for a moment, giving Tanjiro time to consider. After a few moments, he readies his web again. “I see, you still won’t. I’ll end this now, then.” Spreading his hands, he beckons a collection of webs above Tanjiro, closing in on him at a worrying speed.

I felt my heart racing, and I pulled against the webbing that bound me. “T-Tanjiro!” I pulled and pulled, but the webs only caused more blood to flow.

And then I blinked and Nezuko was there. I had nearly forgotten she entered this fight as well. Her muffled grunt was easily heard as she took the hit for Tanjiro. Blood splatters across the ground in front of them, mockingly in a web pattern.

“Nezuko!” Tanjiro instantly panics and picks her up, hauling her away to the sidelines. Unfortunately, they weren’t in my sight any longer and my only entertainment was the look that painted Rui’s face after witnessing that.

“That girl, she came from the box… and protected him? But I’m sure she’s one of us?” His sister observed, confused as to why a demon was fighting for a human. Glancing over at Rui, his body was overcome with convulsion. He was shaking in what looked like fear, but knowing what I do now, this satisfies me to watch him consider the situation.

“Th-That girl… Is she your sister?” He brings a shaky hand up, pointing at Nezuko. I can hear faint whimpering, and I can only assume that’s her in pain. God, why did Tanjiro have to pick such a hard place to see if it was just going to be in Rui’s line of sight anyways?

“So what if she is?!” I hear from Tanjiro. There’s a franticness in his voice I can’t place. He must be concerned about Nezuko’s injuries…

“She’s been turned into a demon… And despite that, she’s stayed with you. She even protected you! That… That is a genuine bond.” This demon is on Cloud 9, watching the way the two siblings interact. “I will have that.”

The sister looked at him with great concern. “Rui! What are you thinking? I’m your elder sister! You can’t abandon me-” She begins to plead her case, but is cut off abruptly by Rui’s threads. He swung back once and suddenly she was in 3, no 4? pieces. I swallow roughly, watching the grotesque situation. This girl is nearly as brainwashed as her ‘mother’ was. I hate that she’s got to stick to his side in order to live. “Pl-Please… don’t do this, forgive me.” Tears welled on her severed head.

He looked at her and contemplated for a few moments before responding. “Fine, if you wish to be forgiven, go kill the remainder of the humans wandering the mountainside.” Her body made its way pitifully to her head before picking it up.

“Y-Yes, brother.” She turned and began to jog away, not even bothering to reattach her head.

“You know it’s a lie. He’s just going to continue this abuse and it’ll be like you’re never forgiven.” I watched as she hesitated in her steps again before continuing, ignoring the words I said. The thread around my throat tightened and I gasped at the sudden pain. Rui never said anything, just kept his gaze on Tanjiro and Nezuko.

“(Y/N)!” Tanjiro called out, concerned about the sudden action.

“You, come out and talk to me. Just the two of us.” Rui coaxed, ignoring his exclamation. There was another silent moment and the demon took this time to continue. “What just transpired here had made me feel something I can’t explain. Such a feeling here,” he placed his hand over his chest. “And it was your family bond that caused such. You’re facing death now, and it’s inevitable. I want to give you a way out. And it involves your sister. I would like you to give her to me.” “You’re mad. That’s unnegotiable.”

Rui continued. “As of today, she is no longer your little sister and is instead mine. And for that, you get to keep your life.”

“You don’t think I’d ever agree to that, do you? Nezuko is a person, not a thing! She has her own desires and feelings like everyone else! There would be no bond with you, just a facade!”

“Oh, but there will be a bond. A bond I shall instill with terror and force. There will be no doubt she will be the perfect little sister.”

“Using fear is not the way! And until you understand that, you’ll never be satisfied!” Tanjiro bit back.

“Would you mind stopping shouting? It’s clear we don’t agree.”

Tanjiro enters my field of vision again, having discarded the box. “There’s no way I’m letting you take Nezuko!”

The demon in front of him just laughed. “Fine, let’s see how you fair against one of the 12 Kizuki.” He lifted the hair covering his left eye, revealing a number. Now, I don’t speak Japanese, but I know that it says lower 5. “In a family, everyone has a role. The parents must protect the children, the elder children must protect the younger ones, and so forth. All of this at the risk of their own lives, of course. And you play a role in it as well: to give me your sister.”

Tanjiro just stared, trying to figure out a way to kill the demon and keep everyone safe. Rui was not a fan of the effort that was being placed into defeating him.

“That look… You’re plotting, aren’t you? You should’ve just taken the deal.” Weaving quickly, he jerked Nezuko out of the place Tanjiro had placed her to rest. She was clearly shocked and could hardly move from his grasp. Tanjiro glared at the demon that held his sister against his hip now. Tanjiro began to dash towards them and Nezuko took this chance to slice at Rui’s face. In mere seconds, I watched as he pulled her above them with ease, holding her with the webbing I was cast in.

Noticing her disappearance, Tanjiro stopped after avoiding his attack. “Above you!” I shouted, but it was too late and his extended, broken sword was drenched with her blood. He looked up, eyes widening at the sight of his sister suspended in the air, trapped in the web.

“She’s been bad, so I’ll definitely have to punish her. Perhaps bleed for a while. And if that doesn’t fix her, she can stay there until the sun appears.” Rui announced his plans, further getting under Tanjiro’s skin.

“I won’t allow it!” He went after the demon again, trying to land a hit. I could only watch as he was slapped around, cut further with the web, and tossed to the side like trash. The demon seemed to enjoy playing around with him.

“Here, go ahead and cut my head off. Well, go ahead and try.” Tanjiro cautiously approached him before swinging with all of his might, the broken blade meeting Rui’s neck. Unfortunately, it didn’t sever it. “What a shame. My body is so much more durable than yours ever could be. You never had a chance against me.” I watched as he kneed Tanjiro, launching him away.

Nezuko couldn’t bear watching the battle continue and began to struggle in the webs. “No, Nezuko! Stay still!” I yelled, pleading with her to stop resisting. My words were futile as Rui tightened his hold on her, causing her to scream out in pain.

“Nezuko!”

“That must have been the first smart thing out of your mouth today.” He looked at me and I swallowed. The threads suddenly tightened around me and it took everything not to scream out as Nezuko had. He seemed to take a deep breath in, relishing the newfound blood loss. “Oh, how I can’t wait to devour you. It makes fighting this battle much more worth it. And if my new sister is obedient, she can have a taste, of course.” I spit at him, it not going anywhere near him since he was so far away. “Just be lucky I want to eat you fresh, human.”

This little banter gave Tanjiro enough time to prepare for his next move. Without warning, he leaped forward. “Water breathing, 10th form! Constant flux!” He began to cut through the threads with ease, making his way closer to Rui. The demon sensed this sudden change and decided to step up a bit.

“Ignorant fool, did you really think those threads were at max strength?” Suddenly, the webbing began to turn red and it got easier to see. Tanjiro seemed to falter for a moment before his form completely changed. I watched with wide eyes as the threads disintegrated. Rui’s movements became more and more panicked the closer Tanjiro cut. Finding a weak spot, he immediately went to take out Tanjiro, using the threads around him to stop him-

And everything went up in flames. My gaze was immediately brought to Nezuko who had reached out. She had used her own blood to set off the explosion and- yes! Tanjiro was able to land a hit on his neck!

“N-No!” Rui screamed. “This isn’t supposed to happen, the marechi-” He reached out towards me, pulling his fingers forward to jerk me over to him, and to my surprise, I stayed put. His head was sliced clean off of his shoulders. He and I stared at each other as his head flew across the clearing, the disbelief clear in his eyes.

“Haha! That’s what you get, bitch!” I cheer, happy to finally be free. Well, not for too long. I forgot how high I was. Once the threads melted away, I was left to fall from God knows how high up. I land on the side with the injured ribs and choke for a moment on the pain. Fuck. Me.

“Nezuko! (Y/N)! I won…” Tanjiro sat there and appreciated himself. I smiled and picked myself off the ground, limping towards him. Whew, that gash in my leg is not doing too well.

The victory is short-lived though. “You thought you could win that easily? Oh, I’m going to make you and your sister's lives a short, living hell.” Rui was up and walking towards us again. Or actually, does it look like he’s coming towards me? Nah, I wasn’t the one who cut his head off. “I’m going to absolutely destroy you. And I’m going to start with the marechi there. I’m going to eat your own friend in front of you and then use that power I gain from her to torture the two of you.” He laughed maniacally, attaching more threads to me.

I quickly look around for a weapon and see none, but it’s too late as I’m getting dragged toward the demon. “W-Wait, you won’t like me! I don’t taste good!” I was now in his grasp, one of his hands in my hair pulling my head back and the other around my arm, keeping it adhered to my side.

He licked his lips, now attaching his head. “Oh, but from experience, marechi blood tastes sweeter than the finest fruit.” I shut my eyes tight, not wanting to look as he opened his mouth and began to bite down.

There was pressure, and then there wasn’t. I opened my eyes to find the demon nowhere near me, and instead, another figure stood above me. Blinking, I tried to comprehend what just happened. “I’ll take it from here.” He barely spared me a glance, but I didn’t need to see his face to know this was Giyuu Tomioka. I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding and slumped to my knees. I think this was the closest to death I’ve ever been.

From our spots on the ground, we watched as Giyuu faced off with Rui. My body felt shaky and weak. Crashing from adrenaline is not fun. From the corner of my eye, I saw Tanjiro slowly make his way over to Nezuko’s body.

Back to the battle, Giyuu had used a technique to destroy the threads that were in his way. The 10th, no, 11th form of water breathing. Within moments, Giyuu was behind the demon, and his head was severed once again. Except for this time, there was no way back. The battle was over. I watched as the body stumbled over to Tanjiro, collapsing beside him. In consolidation, Tanjiro reached out and placed a comforting hand on its back. Nothing was said, but I’m sure there was no need for words.

Giyuu chose this moment to disrespect people, so he walked up on what remained of the demon and looked down at Tanjiro. “It was a demon. There was no need for remorse. It had spent centuries tormenting and slaughtering people.”

Tanjiro gripped the clothing that remained. “I will never hesitate to bring my blade down on a demon that threatens humanity. That being said, I will also not disrespect their memories as you see… They were once human like me too. I don’t see demons as horrible, terrifying creatures, but more so tragic and helpless ones. They can’t help that they’re demons, and it’s sad they lose so much by becoming one.” I took this time during his explanation to make my way up and behind Giyuu. Without gaining his attention, as quickly as I could in my injured state, I hit the back of his knees, causing his weight to collapse. Before he could fall on Tanjiro, I shoved him from the side to redirect his fall.

“That's what you get for disrespecting people.” I looked down at him with a disapproving glare.

He didn’t respond, just stared back in utter shock. He looked over to the side and within a second I was back on the ground and he was over Tanjiro and Nezuko’s bodies, his blade drawn to deflect the blade of his partner who finally showed up.

I watched as the butterfly girl gracefully flipped to a stop before turning and facing us with a serene smile on her face. “Now why would you get in my way? And I thought you could never get along with demons, at least that is what you had just told me earlier. This kind of thing is why no one likes you, Tomioka.” She narrowed her eyes, her smile never leaving her face. “Now then, would you please move, Giyuu?”

“I don’t… I don’t think I’m that disliked.” He stated seriously. There was a pause where everyone had a look of shock as they processed what he said.

“Oh, my… I didn’t realize that would bother you so much. I do apologize. Especially since this is the first you’re hearing about it.” Not gonna lie, seeing this happen in front of me is hilarious. Tanjiro gave an inquisitive look towards Giyuu, but he didn’t comment on it. “Oh, boy there. That’s a demon that you’re protecting, I’m going to need you to move so you don’t get hurt.” Shinobu explained.

Tanjiro sat up, hugging Nezuko close to his chest. “No, you don’t understand! Well, you’re right about the demon part, she’s different! Nezuko is my sister! She’s my little sister…” He gripped her tight.

Shinobu’s facade broke just a bit, revealing pity. “Oh you poor thing, I’ll use a gentle toxin to kill her, don’t worry.” Her smile was back and sickeningly sweet.

“Can you guys move?” Giyuu questioned without his eyes leaving Shinobu.

It takes him a moment, but Tanjiro answers. “Y-Yes, thank you!” He scoops Nezuko up and runs off with her.

“I’mma catch a ride with them if know what I mean,” I say, chuckling nervously before I sprint off after them. It’s hard to keep up with this leg, but I can just make them out ahead of me. I’ll keep following as long as I can. I glanced back behind me to check for followers and saw nothing, easing my pace for the sake of my leg.

There’s suddenly a commotion from ahead of me and it’s hard to make out what they’re saying over my breathing. I break into a clearing with Kanao on the scene, sitting on top of Tanjiro. He’s unconscious and it looks like he just told her to run for it.

I give a salute to the girl, also breaking her poker face to display shock at the sight of me. Yeah, to be fair, if I were to see a half-naked girl covered in blood salute me and run off, I would also be confused. Sprinting ahead, I almost catch up to Nezuko when Kanao dashes in front of me, swinging out and attempting to slice her head off. I shriek before realizing she shrunk to avoid the sword. I took a deep breath and pushed forward. Kanao was getting fed up with chasing her and decided to try to end it all. Lunging forward, she almost made it to Nezuko before I tackled the little demon out of her way. I shielded her body and the slayer attempted to shove me off of her so she could get to the neck.

“No! You won’t get Nezuko!” I hugged her tighter to my chest, trying to cover her completely from Kanao’s orders.

And like an angel sent from above, a crow began to chant from above us. “I have a message from headquarters! Tanjiro, Nezuko, and (Y/N) are to be captured and brought back to headquarters!” He began to repeat the message, even including descriptions of us. I sigh and roll over, Nezuko peeking out and observing the situation. I’m way too tired to complain about me needing to go.

“If you couldn’t tell, this is Nezuko.”

“... I can.”

[kaedekolya]

just some analysing and theorising before lars' route drops — i'm thinking about how azure island routes reflect the awakening themes, while serving as foils to how awakening went down.

(spoilers for all awakening routes + lars white day, clarence godheim & eden)

in awakening: ayn's refusal, and perhaps inability, to relinquish his grasp on power; it is a lifeline he clings to, a desperate and necessary means to an end. the standstill and stalemate he and mc find themselves in, unable to do much but wait out the countdown to the day of action. his route ends on a cliffhanger, suspended at the crossroads; there is no resolution, no progress, no moving forward. in azure island: ayn and mc leave the relic of the past where it is meant to stay, as an enduring reminder of a bygone time, rather than bringing it into the present. they recognise that commemorating the past, and not trapping oneself within it, is what allows one to move forward with the flow of time. instead of a suffocating limitation, power is an empowering strength.

in awakening: alkaid acts on his own behind mc's back, for her sake. he deceives her, effectively disregarding and overriding whatever her wishes and values may be by not consulting her beforehand. his protective instincts are so overwhelming that it veers into an implicit distrust of her abilities; he must go to extreme lengths to keep her safe, else he risks her getting hurt if left to her own devices. he fears that she may not love all of him, may shun the darker parts of him, so he hides behind a mask crafted to be liked. in azure island: alkaid still yearns to protect mc, but he upholds her agency and autonomy above all else. he recognises that there are places he cannot follow her to, and actions he cannot take on her behalf; sometimes the best way to protect her is to let her venture off alone, trusting in her ability to defend herself, and wait in the wings for the moment he is needed. he learns to trust that she accepts and loves him as he is, in the same way that she shares the full truth with him, allowing them to fall in sync on the same open wavelength.

so i’m thinking about the name of lars’ route — a trip to central america — and how his awakening route was also a trip, in a way. through the waterways, in the simulation, and through space, outside of it. both are journeys he has no choice but to undertake alone; even though he is accompanied by the navigator, she is a mere facsimile that can only imitate companionship, never truly replicating it. the untraversable distance between lars and the kidnapped mc, as well as lars and the navigator, meant that he had to put himself through the wringer in a futile attempt to close the gap. it makes me think of lars’ white day route, too — how he had no choice but to wait alone, mired in worry and anxiety, while mc journeyed across time and space on her own. perhaps his azure island route will demonstrate the progression in their relationship by having them journey together, for a change; they may have different purposes and goals in life, but they can walk their paths together, working in tandem rather than only watching and waiting from afar. instead of seeking answers themselves, they will give each other certainty, a mutual support as they traverse what their shared future holds.

as for clarence — glacier memories — i wonder if his route will expand upon what unfolded in his white day route, namely the part where he learned about the archmage. there are so many parallels between his awakening route and his godheim one — deliberately hurting themselves in an attempt to seek the truth of their own nature, as well as willingly subjecting themselves to an indefinite solitude and a potential eternity of waiting in order to protect the worlds they hold dear. perhaps learning more about his godheim counterpart might spur an epiphany — that merely treating himself as a tool whose worth is defined by its function, a mere means to an envisioned end, will ultimately bring sorrow to the very people he sacrifices himself for. i’m also thinking about the falcon — though of course there aren’t any glaciers in eden, but memories (and the loss of them) are a reoccurring theme in both eden and awakening. in eden, the way clarence's memory slowly starts to fail him as he gradually loses his grasp on his humanity, faltering towards the monstrous lost side within him; in awakening, the way his memories give his android selves a semblance of humanity, and how they allow his cyborg self to retain what makes him human. memories allow clarence to have a concept of the self, to safeguard his goals and sustain his motivations. while he still embodies certain enduring traits, modern world clarence is significantly more well-adjusted than his counterparts — so perhaps seeing the loneliness and the suffering of his counterparts may nudge him away from treading the same path, and towards one of sharing the weight of his worries with mc rather than bearing the burden solely on his own shoulders.

cael… is cael, which makes him that much more difficult to theorise about, but "forget-me-not” makes me think of what unfolded in his awakening route — how someone’s story, someone’s love, can live on through the telling and retelling of folktales. yet, also, how holding on to a memory can warp one’s perception and one’s emotions. just like how darya wound up twisted by her painful memories of the past, trapped in the longing for a time she can never return to. “time can never turn back, my lover can never return, the river does not flow back to the source. only i still remember, these joys and sorrows.” perhaps, sometimes, remembering causes more suffering than forgetting. perhaps one must learn to bid farewell to the past, to come to terms with what has been lost, in order to truly live. just as the white city and all that it stood for will slowly be lost to the sands of time, so too will their world — but perhaps there is freedom in forgetting, and a poignance to rediscovering bygone memories further down the road. and perhaps, by allowing some memories to fade, the ones that are more precious, more deeply cherished, will have the space to linger longer.

[prairiefirewitch]

Tit for Tat: Nontraditional Offerings

I have a personal rule when petitioning a deity or spirit or ancestor to help me accomplish a thing. The bigger the ask, the bigger the offering. Whatever we offer, it’s a sacrifice.

Of course I do the usual things; flowers, favored food, particular alcohols and beverages, tobacco, incense. All of these things may be welcomed, but I believe that when I’m petitioning a deity or spirit to do a bigger task or to guide me on deeper work, my offering shouldn’t be low effort if I expect them to work on my behalf. My assumption is that deities too get bored with sameness, and if I’m trying to get their attention, I need to offer something that will delight them or intrigue them.

That isn’t to say that small offerings aren’t effective, but if I’m petitioning Athena to help me see justice in a court case, for example, I want her to know I’m serious and that I’m willing to dig deep to have her on my side. I’m pulling out all stops to get her to help me, commensurate to my ability to provide offerings. In other words, if all I’m able to do is buy Athena a bunch of grocery store flowers, that’s enough because that’s the best I can do. But if I’m able take that further and grow and nurture a garden of flowers dedicated to her, I’m going to do that, because I want her to see me making an effort. I want her to know that this petition is important to me and I’m willing to work to get her help.

Big effort offerings don’t have to cost a lot of money and they don’t have to be ostentatious. We’re not talking about sacrificing babies and we’re not emptying our bank accounts. The amount of effort is the point here, and our willingness to go beyond the typical is what we’re aiming for. I think long term commitment is important too.

One of my favorite offerings to Hekate is a yearly donation to Coyote Project. 10% of every sale of my Coyote candles goes to them to help educate and impact legislation on coyote killing contests in the United States. Dogs are sacred to her and according to Apollonius of Rhodes, the barking of hounds signaled that she was near. Ovid tells us that black dogs were sacrificed to her, but I don’t offer animal sacrifices, and it feels appropriate to make offerings to her instead to protect this species of canine. I also make food donations to my local animal shelter monthly. A key aspect of these donations for me, is that I commit to ongoing support to the Coyote Project and my local shelter indefinitely rather than just once.

A few years ago someone asked me what an appropriate offering would be to Hera to help with some marital issues. Rather than offer the typical flowers and incense, I suggested they give up something. I suggested they give up cigarettes or alcohol or some other vice. It’s a unconventional offering, but it works two-fold: she’d be giving up something detrimental to her health and maybe to her relationship, and she’d also be treating her own body as an offering. In other words, her body becomes a temple to Hera.

Here are other offerings to consider that go beyond the wine, flowers, incense routine.

Commit to a fitness or health regime.

Volunteer in your community.

Prepare a dumb (silent) supper.

Learn a new skill and practice it in their honor.

Write a poem, play, or music as offering.

Spend time learning about them.

Prepare a ritual wine or mead and use it in your offerings.

Make art depicting them.

Sing songs or recite their hymns.

Make revelry and dance and laugh and howl at the moon.

Grow a garden of plants dedicated to your deity.

Give up something, i.e. soda, liquor, excess spending, red meat, unhealthy relationships.

Clean a local park or stream.

Commit to prayer or meditation everyday.

Dedicate a perfume or scent to them and wear it daily or during ritual.

Practice nature stewardship.

Make a pilgrimage to sacred sites.

Build a dedicated altar outside.

Ritually clean your altar space regularly.

Take a ritual bath and anoint yourself with perfumes and oils.

Donate time or money to charities.

This isn’t an exhaustive list; there are many other ways of honoring and petitioning deity. And offering doesn’t end at the stage where you’re asking for something; it’s just good manners to make an offering of thanks once the petition is granted.

[yandere-sins]

So I thought I’d give a little life-update as there’s a lot going on at the moment and I think it’s visible on my blog as well. Maybe the positives first:

I do really like my new work, I like that I have set hours (even if I do overtime here and there) and though it got incredible stressful the last few weeks, I think the four people that work in my office space are the coolest in the whole company and I love the support I am getting, it’s something I always wanted for my work-life tbh! My dog is also doing very fine, she’s really a total sweetheart and I wouldn’t know what to do without her, and at least I, myself, am doing pretty okay-ish physically, so nothing to complain there.

Now to the negatives.

Unfortunately, my mom’s cancer returned but is quite hard to pinpoint. She went back to an even more aggressive chemotherapy and we’re hoping for the best. Honestly, I don’t wish cancer on anyone, it’s such a tough battle and even just as the primary caretaker it’s been really hard to deal with for me, luckily I have grandparents and a brother who all deal with it and help and support, so that’s good! My mental health though is suffering. It’s biting my own butt now, but I cancelled therapy to focus on work at the beginning of this year and now my therapist is fully booked, so I will have to sit out this month probably. I am telling that because that’s the reason I am struggling with concentrating on one thing for a long time, which includes writing, which explains the fluctuation of posts you are seeing, since I try to get requests and drafts done on the weekend when there’s less stress. Sadly only works like 30% of the time...

Going forward I have decided to indefinitely pause commissions. I have noticed that they put too much pressure with the deadline and expectancy on me when I am already struggling and sometimes need a day to myself. I can’t say when they’ll come back, but thank you all so much for your interest and support, it’s always a pleasure to write your ideas and I never had a bad experience with commission ♥

Good news for Mermay: it’s still happening! ... buuuut I am shortening the story I came up with. I think I was too ambitious with the three routes I teased, so I am trying to figure out how to ensure that it won’t drag out as much as Atreo’s story last year. Unfortunately, the start will be delayed some more, but we were going to celebrate Mer-June anyway, so at this point it probably doesn’t make as much difference (’:

Because the question arose a few times already, I will not be playing Honkai Star Rail. It has a few reasons, but the main one is I don’t have the time. Sorry to everyone who asked about it, but it’s just not the right time for me at the moment! ): I’ll probably be miserable again later when everyone has moved on to it and I am stuck behind but I have to make cuts somewhere ;;

I actually have some commissions and requests that I haven’t released yet, so I will try to schedule some of these in the meantime while I work out how to go about stuff. If you’ve been around for a while you probably know I like routines that’s why it’s always important for me to build them and keep them up. Other than that, I’ll probably focus on Mermay and my own writing projects which will happen rather irregularly. No guarantees on posting, sadly ):

I do realize tho that it just isn’t always possible to keep up frequency of posts and interactions I had when I started this blog, as much as it saddens me. I have to prioritze my real life before my internet presence (and I really need to not feel guilty about taking breaks from everything ever so often ;;), so if you see me vanishing for a few days, it’s just that really.

Thank you everyone who stuck around and supports this blog ♥ There’s another big milestone coming up veeery soon and I am always in awe that so many people would stay to read my silly little stories!! If you have some time and don’t mind waiting for a response, I’m always happy to chat and answer questions, so please don’t hesitate to hit me up!

Thanks everyone ♥

[thekrazykeke]

Disclaimer: BioWare and EA owns Dragon Age and all its affiliated franchises. I just play in their sandbox.

Title: eternal

Summary: “Life's greatest purpose is to live it for something that will live on longer than you.”

Pairing(s): Solas x Female Lavellan. Solas x Atisha. 

Warning(s): Angst, soulmate AU, vague Inquisition spoilers, ableist language, Atisha isn't in a good mental space, y'all, depression

Atisha used to think of soulmates as something romantic growing up. 

Beautiful. 

And why not? All around her, in her clan, many were paired up already or met their match amongst other clans. Everyone was if not happy, then at the least, content with their soulmate. That was her belief—an unequivocal fact. 

All she had to do was wait and be patient.

Everyone became confused when they realized she hadn’t found her match by the time she turned seventeen, as that was the usual standard. Luckily, she was still growing up at a normal rate and no signs of her aging stopping yet, so research was conducted, and records were scoured. Letters sent out. 

Only to encounter dead end after dead end after dead end. 

Left only with myths and stories, Clan Lavellan was forced to admit defeat. There were only three possibilities: she had no soulmate, they were dead, or they weren’t born yet. 

None of these options particularly appealed to her yet she accepted the reality; a feat that took her clan a bit longer to do but they eventually adopted her pragmatic attitude and didn’t bother her about it any further. 

Ten years later, crippled, and permanently stuck at the age of an elven woman in her early thirties despite being forty-two, Atisha no longer thought that soulmates as something romantic and beautiful. 

Not when she knew her soulmate and all of this stings of bitter irony.

“Vhenan…” 

Forcing herself to breathe calmly, slowly her gaze flitted from the side up to his face. “Solas,” At least her voice remained even, controlled. “Rook managed to get you free from the Fade. That was very big of them. I rather expected they’d leave you there indefinitely.”

Solas grimaced. “...yes. We…have come to an understanding,” The words are simple. Yet conveyed some hidden meaning Atisha didn’t have the energy to decipher. Instead, she nodded and said nothing. The silence dragged on for a long beat and as he realized that she wasn’t going to speak, he coughed awkwardly. 

“...There is no easy way to say this…”

As entertaining as it’d have been to watch him struggle to find words ten years ago, such a thing rang hollow for her now, at this moment. “Then don’t. I’ll clarify: we are soulmates and it means nothing,” Atisha interjected. Solas stared at her. “I’m only here to help clean up this catastrophe.”

It was his turn to glance away from her now. “...do you mean the blighted elven gods, or myself specifically?”

That threw her for a loop. “What?”

As he turned to glance at her again, his gaze was collected and distant. “Our bond means nothing to you. So theoretically, you can easily do away with me as any other enemy,” Placing his hands behind his back, he stared at her with infuriating stoicism. “I humbly await your judgment, Inquisitor.” 

Placing her hand to her temple, feeling a headache steadily coming on, Atisha scoffed. “It’s nice to know you think the worst of me.” 

His expression flickered, features beginning to show some remorse. 

Unwilling to give him a chance to get one over her again, she continued, saying, “Regardless, your fate is not in my hands at all, with the Inquisition disbanded years ago, as everyone very well knows. So you’d better learn to humble yourself to Varric or Rook as quickly as possible,” Yanking her hand away from her head and letting it fall to the side, she spun around to leave the area. 

Only to be stopped by Solas’ hand on hers. 

It’s a loose hold, easily escapable. 

Logic demands she rip her hand free and continue to walk away, yet she remains rooted in the same spot. 

“Atisha,” And oh. 

Oh, that isn’t fair at all. 

The way he says her first name carries more impact than him saying vhenan because hadn’t that been a lie, in the end? Too many people still called her Inquisitor, some lingering sense of sentimentality amongst her former comrades. Dorian called her Lavellan and a plethora of endearments to be cheeky, but more sincerely, just his dearest friend. 

Only her clan still called her by name now. And Solas. Even back then, rare as it’d been, he addressed her - he saw her as a person, not a symbol - and still, he does it now, too. That rocks her world. Shakes her down to the very foundation of her soul.

Gently, Solas turned her around to face him, right hand lifting her chin so they were maintaining eye contact. “...I know you’re hurt…” He pauses. “I know I hurt you, then. And now. I keep hurting you. I’m sorry. It’s not enough, it will never be enough for what I’ve put you through. What I put us both through and I…” Again, he pauses, Atisha watches him swallow. “I’m so sorry. I don’t deserve it, but please…”

A beat passes. “Please, what?” Atisha murmured.

Gradually he leaned down and his forehead rested against hers. “...Please let me show you I can be a good soulmate to you, ma vhenan.” Solas whispered, voice hushed and wet. 

“Just one last chance…”

[ternfic]

Bluebird

Chapter Five: Obsession

Benny had been depressed to part ways with Ken and Lenny just several months later. They’d stuck around long enough to make sure he could handle a life on the run, and then returned to Cape Space. Bad Cop had finally given up on searching the realm for him by then, but not on searching for him, so he couldn’t stay with them. He didn’t think he could bear being the reason they got caught. It also would have been too tempting to stick around, when Director Kenning had declared him grounded indefinitely, due to medical reasons. So what if his brain didn’t quite work the way it used to? He was still perfectly capable!

But he stayed aboard the Sea Cow as requested, it being his best chance at evading Bad Cop and capture, and tried to settle into the life of a sailor. They’d picked up some new clothes for him during their brief stay in Cape Space to drop off his friends, something more suitable for heat and sun than his space suit. The pirates had laughed at his tropical tee shirts and khaki shorts, but he honestly liked the ridiculous eighties style too much to give it up so easily. (And at any rate, they later admitted, the look suited him.)

Time went on. Some of Metalbeard’s original crew left, annoyed with their captain’s persistent protection of the spaceman who didn’t quite fit in. Not for lack of trying, of course, but all Benny seemed able to talk about was space, and spaceships, and how much he wanted to be back among the stars. The skies had called to him all his life, and he had worked too hard to get himself up there to have to keep his feet on the ground. It wore on him in ways he couldn’t explain.

And finally, one day, he decided enough was enough. He was a Master Builder now, wasn’t he? There was nothing holding him back from just making his own spaceship and going for a flight. So he dug into the ship’s stores of parts, kept handy for when a Master Builder’s urge to create struck, and found the materials he would need. He hauled everything up onto the deck, and got to work.

He was maybe halfway through when he found himself being bodily hauled away. “Hey!” he protested. “Put me down!”

“Benny, what are ye doin’?” the captain asked. Benny glared up at him petulantly.

“Building a spaceship, what’s it look like?”

“Ye think Bad Cop isn’t watchin’ the skies for unauthorized aircraft?”

“It’s not an aircraft, it’s a spacecraft.”

“Either or. He’s still hellbent on catchin’ ye, lad, and I’m not willin’ to let ye risk yerself like that.”

“But…”

“Besides, it be yer Director’s orders, aye? Tis for yer own good.” Benny scowled up at him. So the captain had won this round, but he wasn’t going to just roll over and give up. He waited several weeks, giving Metalbeard a false sense of security, before trying again.

And getting caught again.

And again.

And again.

He screeched in frustration when Metalbeard pulled him away from a half-finished spaceship for the eleventh time.

“Look, I know what it be like, havin’ to give up the things ye love-”

“No, you don’t!” Benny shouted, thrashing to get free. “You still have your ship, and the seas! You still have what calls you, so why can’t I have the stars?!” The fight seemed to leave him then, and Metalbeard finally set him back down. He sat down hard, sniffling. “Why won’t you let me have the stars…”

Metalbeard stared down at him for a bit, before lowering himself to the deck beside the spaceman. They sat in silence for a while. “I’ve a wife and three children,” the captain said at length. Benny wiped his eyes and glanced up at him. “I love them more than anything in the world, even the sea. And… it’s been more than a year since I’ve last seen them. I can’t go home, for fear Bad Cop and Business will take them, and use them against me. I don’t know when I will see them again. Not ‘til this nightmare ends, at least. If I survive it. This feather?” He tapped the decoration at his temple. “Me Pearl gave it to me. Her people don’t use wedding bands; they give a piece of themselves.” He chuckled at the bemused look on Benny’s face as he tried to figure that one out. “Maybe I’ll tell ye someday lad, but I can’t trust ye with that information just yet.”

Benny huffed at him, and glanced back down at his hands. “…I’m sorry,” he finally murmured after a while.

“I don’t blame ye for bein’ upset, lad. I’ve raged me fair share at how unfair everything be, these days. Have ye looked up?”

Benny gave him a puzzled look, then tilted his head back. “…Oh,” he gasped. “It’s so clear tonight…”

Metalbeard smirked. “Why don’t ye get up, take a peep over the railing.” Benny shoved himself to his feet, looking around, eyes wide. The waters were so still, they were almost a mirror, reflecting the pinpoints of light far above.

“You…”

Metalbeard stood, reaching over to gently squeeze his shoulder. “Ye still have yer stars, lad. Ye just had to look, is all.”

Benny sniffled again. “Thanks,” he murmured. “I think I’m going to stay here for a while…”

“Aye lad, just don’t be up too late.” Metalbeard smirked at him. “I’m still puttin’ ye to work in the morning.” Benny snickered.

The spaceship attempts continued after that, though without the desperation that previously accompanied them. It seemed more to be that Master Builder itch that was getting to Benny, giving him the urge to make something. Metalbeard was still vigilant though, just in case.

Crew members continued to come and go with alarming regularity. It wasn’t long before Skeeter was the only member of his original crew left. Loyalty apparently didn’t account for much in the face of a space-obsessed crewmate.

“Sometimes I’m surprised ye still be around,” Metalbeard told Skeeter one day.

“Pfft. Everyone’s got their own methods of coping with this madness, I’m hardly going to let his scare me off. Honestly, most times I wonder if they’re really that annoyed by him, and not just intimidated by all those big, fancy words he throws around.” Metalbeard threw his head back and laughed.

[revvethasmythh]

Random-ass fic question: Of all the dialogue you've published so far, what is your favorite line/exchange/monologue? What is it about that dialogue that you enjoy most? Was there anything notable about the process to come up with it?

Did I just go through ALL of my published fics scouring them for favorite dialogue? 100%, absolutely I did. But, ironically, my answer is actually from the most recent fic I published, which was a holiday themed Gale/Durge piece I wrote back in December.

I suppose the context of the moment is important, in that Durge is having trouble adjusting to mundane life after everything and Gale is seeking advice from Jaheira about this. My favorite published dialogue is Jaheira's monologue from the end of that fic (that first dialogue is from Gale):

“So what do I do?” Jaheira shrugged, her voice uncommonly gentle. “You find space for her. Space for her to try and to fail. Space for her to experiment and to grow. I was growing larkspur recently—they’re beautiful flowers, but, like anything, they require care. Full sun, moist soil, and mine grew to be quite tall, so they required a stake to give them support.” Her hands opened and closed and she stared into the corner of the room, as if searching for the right words. “Living things love to grow. All living things can grow into something beautiful, I believe, as long as you treat them right and give them the support they need to keep going. But the growing itself? That’s for them to do. You want my advice? Be her sun. Keep your hand steady at her back. Find her the space to grow and the means to do so. Then you can only hope you will watch her flourish.” She tipped her head from side to side. “I don’t know how much that will help, but that’s what you get when you ask for wizened advice, yes?”

I don't know, something especially about "living things love to grow" stuck with me after writing that. I actually, genuinely think about it frequently, as if it was advice given to me by Jaheira and not something I thought up on my own. Also, I think I love it because it feels very in character? I finished it and I was like "yes! THAT was a successful representation of her character and something she absolutely WOULD say."

I WISH there was something notable about the process of writing this. Well, actually I'd written 7k of that fic in one day all at once because I was trying to meet a deadline to publish it, so by the time I got to this I was a little delirious and I actually think it helped me channel Jaheira because I just was not overthinking it. If delirium can give you anything, it's the ability to not overthink what you're doing and just follow your instincts to put the right things on paper.

Also a bonus favorite UN-published dialogue below the cut because it's funny and also I just like to add bonus things whenever I talk about my writing:

This is a conversation that never ended up getting published because I lose momentum on the piece (I might return to it one day, still, but for now it's on indefinite hiatus). But every time I see this in my notes it just makes me cackle. Like, yeah, this IS a conversation Beau and Veth would have

Beau threw her head back and growled in frustration. “I know you love your husband. But are you happy?” Silence fell. Assurances sprang to Veth’s lips, but for the first time she found she couldn’t force them out. To her complete humiliation, she felt tears start to gather in her eyes. “Beau,” she began haltingly. “I-I don’t know what to do.” “Oh, shit,” Beau’s hands were planted on the table, fingers splayed wide and rigid. “You’re crying. Oh gods. I’ve literally never seen you cry.” “I don’t know what to do, Beau! Oh my gods, I’m crying.” She paused to swat at her wet cheeks in disbelief. “Oh shit, oh fuck, okay, come here.” Beau practically vaulted over the table to get next to Veth, throwing her arms around her and pulling her close. “I don’t cry!” Veth wailed, letting herself fall into Beau’s arms. “What did you do to me?” “I don’t know! I just asked you a question. Shit, I wish Caduceus was here. He would know what to do.” “Caduceus? I don’t want to talk about this with Caduceus!” “Okay, cool, cool, cool, good thing he’s not here, then.” Beau patted Veth’s back and tightened her grip on her. “Let it out, Veth. Just let it all out.” “You’re so bad at this.” “Hey, I’m trying! And, no, I’m not bad at this. I give great hugs.” Veth sniffled pathetically, nuzzling her head into the crook of Beau’s shoulder. “I bet Yasha gives better hugs. What if I want Yasha to hug me instead?” “Veth,” Beau’s breath hissed in through gritted teeth. “I know you’re going through a crisis right now, but I will punt your ass right back to Nicodranas.”

[kiefbowl]

Asking advice because you're good at it. I'm going to drop my friend over trans stuff because it's affecting me negatively. She's a woman who says she's a man. Should I gently explain to her why I don't want to be around her anymore or would that be a waste of time? The ONLY reason I'd do it would be to plant a seed that might "save" her someday but that seems like delusional savoir shit on my part. The risk is her telling me something hurtful because I still care about her opinion.

No, I don’t think you should go into a friend break-up conversation with any intention of trying to “save” them - and I know you put that word in quotes intentionally, I know what you mean. You want to throw a life line just in case. That’s a good intention, but what you really should determine is whether you want this door permanently closed or not (and this is true for any kind of friend break up). If you want less of an end and more of an indefinite break, then when you have the conversation you should make it clear what will open that line of communication again. Now here’s the thing, I think asking this friend to stop transitioning for you is not a good idea, it posits that your feelings should be the center of that decision, and that will backfire. You might want to say instead something like: “I feel like we don’t have the same values/viewpoint anymore, and I think these differences are effecting me negatively. This is a touchy subject, so if you want more details we can talk about them, but just know they do have to do with some of the current changes in your life.” That sort of euphemistic language can help set the stage of what the conversation is going to be about without being unnecessarily cruel or specific, giving your friend the option to say “yes, let’s talk about it” or “no, actually I don’t need to hear any more.”

Then of course, if this is a conversation to try to keep the door open, you have to say something to the effect of: “I’m still available to talk but I need time. If you want to talk to me you can reach out [specify how if you’d like], just know I will be honest with you about my beliefs and opinions if you do.” Now know, she might never reach out, and more over she may not be happy with you at all and have something to say about it. You cannot control how she reacts to any of this. So that leads to another option:

You don’t tell her, and you just quietly make more space between the two of you. This may sound cruel, and in a way it is. But so is a break up conversation. One way or the other, you are putting yourself first, and that requires a steadfast steeliness that is not synonymous with the duty of friendship. But that’s what you’re looking for, right? An out to this friendship?

Now, the final advice, and this isn’t some trick, you can end whatever friendships you want, but I would consider possibly just briefly giving yourself some space from her before deciding to “drop her.” Maybe you already have or it feels like that’s what’s been happening for a long time, so go ahead and break up with her if you feel like you need to. On the chance though that you’ve recently come to this decision, it might be prudent (depending on how special, deep, or long time this friendship is) to just do some reprioritizing in your life and see how you feel in a few weeks or months. If you’ve been constantly around her, and have been prioritizing her feelings, or arguing has been increasing, that’s very exhausting. Maybe you could start a class or join a hobby group, give yourself something else to focus on while giving her less time with you. I suggest this because when you end a friendship, you may say or do things the other person is unwilling to forgive (despite your best efforts or intentions to be kind and thoughtful), but in the space of losing that person you might wish you did still have a connection of some sort. A friendship doesn’t have to end to evolve. Your friendship can naturally “down grade”, and that’s very normal.

And I add all this because you “still care about her opinion.” That to me sounds like you’re tired, you need to put yourself first for awhile, you need a change in the relationship, but you still love and care for her. If you didn’t care about her opinion, you’d probably wouldn’t need the advice :)

In any case, don’t rush. You can take your time figuring out what you want and how you’ll act before acting one way or the other. Good luck sis!!

[carmenized-onions]

Ahhh this was incredible! Allow me to spiral

Chip checking Carmy’s location even though she’s upset and is convinced he hates her 💔

Syd once again being the absolute best and Richie waiting on his informer’s say in order to even consider forgiving Carmy…I love them

“whore-d’oeuvres” makes sense and should be the only acceptable pronunciation of the word

Carmen doing Chip’s prep entirely by himself before making her a sandwich just like Mikey used to make and even giving her a granola to snack on…as Chip said, fuck this fucking guy for making it hard to stay mad at him 🫠

I also love how you reiterated that he’s not good with words so instead he channels what he’s feeling into his craft and Chip, bless her heart, understands that this is him trying to apologize and sends her own olive branch in the form of the lavender coffee 🥺

Lol her beating herself up for not being petty enough and giving Carmy the cold shoulder for a while longer/indefinitely is such a mood

“Can I get a uh…a Negroni…sbagliato? With prosecco?” EMMA D’ARCY was a guest at this wedding?!

He’s still using her hair products and the Old Spice body wash she prefers…oh be still my heart

Also, thank you for letting the cat eat the flowers 😂 I couldn’t decide on the plate, but now I see that bringing it back in to be put away was the right choice. It means so much to her, so it wouldn’t feel right to let it be destroyed

And for Chip to say that Carmy, despite all his faults, somehow makes every space easier to breathe in for her and lights up a room for her is so heartbreakingly beautiful because that’s exactly what she does for him and what Mikey once did for them both. But they don’t seem to realize the effect they have on each other and it’s too late for Mikey to realize it at all 💔 I’m not crying

Chip wondering if she’ll ever get to have a wedding like this and taking notes of what she would want to include in her own 🫠 I just know she’s going to be making a Pinterest board soon

The whole bit with Fak was the perfect example of comedic relief 😂

“It was extremely apt and even more upsetting for him, the way time literally stopped, when you left. When he made you leave.” Once again, your skills 😮‍💨

Ahh I wasn’t expecting Uncle fucking Lee to show up! Loved that Chip put him in his place and was prepared to stab his old ass with a fork lmao (and Carmen ready to swing at him for throwing that fake punch at Chip??? 🙃)

Chip being really sweet to that man who’s in recovery is just…she really is the best and deserves all the good things life has to offer 😔

And that ending…I never would’ve guessed what ICE stood for and I’m glad I didn’t because I had that “ohhhh” moment just like Carmen lol

So she had Mikey make folders of all the people who loved him so he could remember that life was still worth living 💔

And all along she was his sponsor…I’m fine. Everything’s fine. Also, I knew she wasn’t in a relationship/situationship with Mikey because she’s right, Richie would’ve said some shit to Carmen 😂

TL;DR: I LOVED this chapter, A+++ for you 💜💜💜

Thank you as always for spiraling and letting me be a part of it as always!! i'll never be able to express how grateful i am. so i won't even try.

The way Chip/Syd/Richie all show the different ways they care in those first few scenes,,, GRREEAHHH!!! that's what it's all about baby mother FUCK!

fuck this fucking guy is right! how dare he make Chip fold so quick and make a fuckin lavender coffee!! son of a bitch! i hope he drowns in it ! i love him !

EMMA D'ARCY IS AT EVERY WEDDING! I also did find out from a bartender that i love and trust that negroni sbagliatos taste terrible. i can't confirm this for myself i did not try it but i do feel like based on what's in it, probably yeah.

I think wildly enough that poll went to frisbee that fucking plate or don't destroy either. I went with it as a sort of trolley problem for chip LMAO-- Like letting the Cat do it's thing was not pulling the lever, and putting the plate back inside was like well this is what i'd normally do. And listen plants can grow back.

But to be honest in the original concept of Just Dropped that plate was getting yeeted out the fucking window it was gonna be . so sad.

EXACTLY MAN!! EXACTLY WITH THE BREATHING EASY-- I just think it's very special with the way Carmen constantly pedestals her, including in this chapter, and it's like my guy she thinks you're inspiring and calming ! get it together!

Chip is a DIY queen too i KNOW her boards are crazy. she's making a new one every two seconds frfrfr

COMEDIC RELIEF BUT STILL I THINK SO MUCH CHARACTER / LORE REVEALED I really liked that bit. I told y'all I'd tackle the handyman beef eventually!!

Listen Uncle Lee showing up was the FIRST thing Chip asked Jimmy about I knew damn well I had to put him in there and really just fucking. GRREEEAAAHHHHHH. I have a lot of. personal anger. about. his whole being. i would just fucking.... It was therapy honestly, for me, to write this motherfucker getting taken to motherfucking task.

CHIP STAYS ON TOP! And she brings everyone up with her too i love my baby

and 100% AS CHIP SAID MAN THINK ON IT FOR TWO FUCKING SECONDS OF C OU R SE RICHIE WOULD'VE SAID SOMETHING IF HE HAD EVEN AN INKLING CARMEN WAS FEELIN A TYPE OF WAY.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR THOUGHTS AGAIN IM SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT I HOPE YOU LIKE THE NEXT ONE DROPPING AT 11 PM EST YEEHAW LOVE YOU BYE!!

[taiyaki-translations]

Autumn Cafeteria - Fall for All 1

Season: Autumn Characters: Shu, Tsumugi Translator: taiyaki-translations Proofreader: raspberrytls

<An hour later, in the Starmony Dorms Library>

Tsumugi: Ah, Suou-kun. Hello~

Tsukasa: Oh, you're pretty early today… Hm?

Itsuki-senpai is with you too? Hello.

Shu: Pardon my intrusion, Suou. There is something I want to discuss with you.

Tsukasa: Discuss? Is something the matter?

Shu: Before I go into that, let me give you this. It’s a gift, please take it.

Tsukasa: Brioche (1)...! Are you sure I can have this much?

Shu: Yes, but you should share it with the other members of "Biblion".

I hear Sena’s complaints on occasion—that you're taking advantage of the fact that he's overseas by overindulging yourself with food.

Tsukasa: I-I’m not overindulging!? I’m managing my weight properly, so he doesn’t need to worry. 

Shu: I am not the one you need to convince. Say it directly to Sena himself.

Now, I should cut to the chase. But how should I begin… 

Tsumugi: Would you like me to talk to him for you?

Shu: Mm. If you would, please. 

Tsumugi: Understood. Suou-kun, do you remember when we talked about that café on Saison Avenue the other day?

Tsukasa: On Saison Avenue… Ah, yes. It's the Café that Aoba-senpai goes to sometimes, right?

Tsumugi: That's right. As a matter of fact, Shu-kun here also seems to like that café and is very disappointed that it’s going to close.

Tsukasa: Ahh… Even though it can't be helped, it must be hard to lose a place you've grown accustomed to.

But don't worry. We won't close the café until we decide on what to do with the site.

Whether it's renovation or demolition, it's going to cost a lot of money, so we need to carefully consider what will be profitable.

The owner has agreed to stay open until we finalize a plan.

Shu: That’s little comfort if it's still going to close someday. Rather than approaching it as delaying the inevitable, is there nothing that can be done to keep the café alive?

Tsukasa: …I understand how you feel. The owner was so passionate about wanting to continue running it for as long as possible that his enthusiasm won us over, and the Suou family is trying to make up for the deficit.

However, the current sales are just not viable for a business. The subsidies from ES are also not permanent. 

We are not a charity, so it is difficult to say if it’s possible to keep it open indefinitely.

Shu: ……

Tsumugi: …Um, may I have a moment?

Since you are willing to make up for the deficit, it seems like Suou-kun would also rather not see the café close.

Couldn’t we simply make it profitable again?

Tsukasa: Uh, yes. Yes, indeed. But I don't think it's going to be easy…

Tsumugi: But it's worth a try. In this world, you never know what can happen to make things work out.

Isn't that much more productive than just twiddling our thumbs and waiting?

Time is money. Let's get to work on a revitalization plan right away ♪ Shu-kun, do you have any ideas?

Shu: Hm, It’s troubling to suddenly be put on the spot like this.

Ideas… A relaxing space, coffee with a rich flavor… No matter what we do, we should make the most of the good qualities of the café.

Tsumugi: Right. I would like to promote their delicious round bread to make it more popular as well~ How about you, Suou-kun?

Tsukasa: Me? Um…

My apologies. I don't know what kind of place it is, I only visit when the owner wants to consult with me.

Tsumugi: I see. Let’s first start with what we know, then.

We should inform the owner that we want to help keep the café running. Shu-kun and I only know the store from a customer's perspective, after all.

Shu: …You’re taking to this like a fish to water, aren’t you, Aoba?

Tsumugi: Ahaha. It’s not like I’m a natural at running a business… But I am familiar with how it works.

I grew up watching my mother, who was a business owner. But, oh well, her business failed in the end ♪

Shu: Is that something you should be saying with a smile?

Tsumugi: It was a long time ago. Now that I have experience as a vice president, I should be a little more dependable.

At least, more than I was when I was just watching from the sidelines back then.

Translation Notes: 1. Brioche is a type of French bread with high egg and butter content that gives it a rich taste. 

Previous | Directory | Next

[lowlylux]

I am a Sinner (You are a Saint)

Chapter Fifteen | We've Been Here Before

Ship: HeiKazuScara

Rating: E

Status: In Progress

Word Count: 4.2k

Description:

“You shall be cast out of the heavenly realm indefinitely.”

Kunikuzushi feels arms grab his own as he is forced to his feet. He struggles, keeping his eyes on his mother only. “Mother! Don’t let them do this!” The guards continue to drag him away, even if it is a struggle. “Mother!” He knows the gate to the human realm is growing closer to him. The more time passes, the less chance he has to escape. But the divine never back out of their decisions…never. He looks to his mother one last time, hoping that she at least looks at him. But her gaze refuses to meet his own.

When he is finally cast out, the air rushing past his entire body, he could only visualize his mother’s pained expression.

He has never felt so alone…

ao3 link

“Heizou…seriously, I’m fine.”

“No, this is something I should be there for.”

Scaramouche sighs, readjusting the way he is holding the phone.  “You have work.”

“And it can wait.”

“You love your job,” Scaramouche says, waving off Kazuha who is giving him space but clearly attempting to listen in on the conversation the best he can.  “This isn’t going to be a big deal, I promise.  I’ll tell you everything when you get home tonight.”

There is silence on the other end for a second, making Scaramouche worry that they somehow got disconnected.  But, the sigh on the other end tells him that they’re still able to communicate for now.  “Promise you’ll tell me everything?”

“Yes, Heizou.”

“And if you start getting distressed over anything you’ll put an end to it?”

“There isn’t even a guarantee that this will work,” Scaramouche says, breaking out into a smile over how Heizou is treating him.  Yes, it is overkill, but Heizou is being cute about it so it is fine.

“But you will put an end to it if you need to?”

“Yes Heizou…I will.”

“Good…shit I gotta go.  I love you alright?”

Scaramouche continues to softly smile, loving the way those words sound.  “Love you too.” The line disconnects, leaving Scaramouche just standing there, a cell phone pressed to the side of his face.

An arm snakes around his waist, another hand gently taking away the phone.  Scaramouche just leans into the body behind him, taking in the presence of the other.  Kazuha places gentle kisses on any piece of skin available to him, with no sense of lust behind them.  

“Did that make you feel better?”

Scaramouche lets out a small laugh, enjoying how the contact initiated by Kazuha almost makes him ticklish.  “Not even a little bit.”

He didn’t have the heart to tell Heizou that the reason for the call was to hear the man’s voice.  He didn’t want to make him worry, not for something that may not even work.

Scaramouche just hopes that in the end, everything turns out to be fruitless and the band of strange magical beings have to find another way to deal with this catastrophe.  But as reality likes to creep up, he starts to wonder if there is anything they can come up with if this does not succeed.

“You can always tell them no.  Actually, I’ll go tell them to fuck off right now,” Kazuha says, keeping his arm around Scaramouche in a clear attempt to ground him.

But Scaramouche just shakes his head, continuing to lean into Kazuha.  “I need to do this.”

“Why?”

“Because if I’m right, if Celestia is scared of Angels ascending…maybe there’s a reason why they treated me like shit.”

Kazuha gently places a hand on Scaramluche’s shoulder, turning the angel around so that they can look at eachother.  “There isn’t always an answer as to why you're treated the way you are.  You don’t need to know every detail to know it wasn’t fair.”

“No,” Scaramouche says at once, shaking his head.  “I need this.  Please…”

Kazuha looks conflicted, but nods anyway.  “I swear…if anything looks like trouble, I’m pulling you out of there.”

Scaramouche cannot help but smile at such a statement.  “I love you too.”  He feels the grip on his waist tighten, causing him to smile wider as Kazuha pulls him closer.  “And…” Scaramouche mutters, becoming awfully aware of the fact that he and Kazuha are close enough to have their breathing begin to mingle.  “I don’t think they are going to let it get too far.”

“They better not.  Because if they try to stop me, I can’t guarantee their safety,” Kazuha jokes, starting to rub small circles into Scaramouche’s back.  “Can’t cast a spell if their hands are broken.”

“I’m pretty sure Childe is faster than the witches though,” Scaramouche says, deciding to humor this conversation.  He is attempting to postpone the inevitable, even if it is what he wants.

“I’ll shine a spotlight on him.” Kazuha jokes, grinning at his genius plan.  “Can’t use shadows if there aren’t any.”

“That’s not how that-” Scaramouche gets cut off when Kazuha gently brushes against his lips, giving him room to cut it off if he wants to.  Scaramouche smiles into it, moving closer so that the kiss can become a bit steadier.

He feels almost at peace, wishing they could stay like that forever.  Fingers dance against his bare skin, softly as if they were never there in the first place.  

“I don’t know whether or not to thank Heizou or murder him at this point,” Kazuha mutters into Scaramouche’s lips.  The kisses get less lazy, more direct.  “Who was the one to suggest going to the mall?”

“Heizou…” Scaramouche manages to mutter out, visibly looking upset when Kazuha moves backwards, putting a stop to the kisses.  “I may have told him about the shirt.”

Kazuha smiles, tilting his head as he stares at Scaramouche in a fond manner.  “You both will be the death of me.”

Scaramouche does have to internally admit that his outfit choice was intentional.  It started with a small conversation between him and Heizou, where he recounted how strange Kazuha acted when he took him to the mall the first time.

Heizou was the one to suggest they go back to get the jeans and the shirt.  Heizou was the one who flashed a little extra cash because the shop didn’t have them in stock anymore, suggesting they check online.  But Scaramouche was the one who went through with it.  He may have also given Heizou a pleading look to make him push further.

So they are both definitely guilty in this.

“Remind me of this when I’m not worried for you,” Kazuha murmurs before pulling Scaramouche into another kiss, only to groan when the door to the room they’re in opens finally.

“I thought you were making a phone call,” Diluc says with a deadpan expression, refusing to look either of them in the eye.  He clears his throat, only looking at them when he is sure both are a good foot away from each other.  “Everything is ready.”

Kazuha and Scaramouche glance at each other before the angel steps forward first, entering the bar.  For the first time, it is completely empty save for the few individuals who absolutely need to be here.  A large rune drawn with chalk takes up a good portion of the room.

“Glad to see we all made it,” Kaeya says, Albedo standing right next to him.  “Now, I don’t know how long we are going to be able to keep the spell up.  Even with two witches it might prove to be difficult, so Scaramouche, I need you to be quick about this.”

“I don’t even know what I’m looking for!”

“Barnabas was a strategic mind in the Angelic Realm, she will know spells that we don’t.”

“But I thought the theory was that the Tsaritsa is Barnabas?” Scaramouche questions before his expression drops.  “You don’t expect me to ask the person we are objectively attempting to kill how she would do it.”

“It’s a memory of her…don’t think of it as a person.”

“And this is safe?” Kazuha asks, eyeing Kaeya suspiciously.  Now that Scaramouche thinks about it, he doesn’t think that they have interacted with each other.  But, granted, that is probably a good thing.

“As safe as it can be.”

“There are risks,” Diluc pipes in, eyeing his brother.  “But as long as he stays on target and does not get in harm's way, everything should be fine.  Regardless, we can pull him out at any time we see fit.”  He seems to notice that Kazuha does not look fully convinced so he continues.  “You can hold his hand the whole time.”

Kazuha seems a bit more comforted by that, intertwining his hand with Scaramouche’s.

“We’re wasting time,” Kaeya says, never quite liking engaging in pleasantries.  “If we’re going to do this, we need to do it as soon as possible.”

Scaramouche nods, stepping into the rune circle.  “What do I need to do?”

“Sit down, close your eyes, and wait.  We’ll do the rest.”  Scaramouche nods, but Kaeya isn’t done.  “Remember, even though you can interact with the memories, nothing can actually be changed.  You’re interacting with a glorified sentient recording with poor memory.  The moment you leave, it will forget it even happened.”

Scaramouche nods much slower this time.

He does as he is told, sitting down but making sure to keep his hand intertwined with his human’s.  He hears shuffling before really feeling anything, but when he does start feeling different, it is just him falling.

White floods his vision as he falls into the first memory, almost stumbling as he attempts to stay out of sight.  He silently looks on, not quite knowing what he is waiting for.  

“Miko!” A voice yells out as two angels storm into the room.  Yae Miko is the one to walk in first, obviously attempting to evade the other.  "I wot thou canst hear me!“”

The angel stops, looking conflicted as she turns around.  “What dost thou desire? I have imparted unto thee all that lies within mine ken.”

Scaramouche genuinely forgot that he and the other angels used to talk like this.  It is almost difficult to understand what they are saying, but certainly not impossible.

The angel she is talking to is quite tall with long, almost white hair pulled into a ponytail.  She reminds Scaramouche of himself, with wings that resemble his own.  “What dost Ei intend to do with him?”

“She hath not disclosed to me,” Miko says carefully, as if wanting to make sure her answers are carefully constructed.  “Yet methinks she shall scarce engage with it further.”

“She hath fashioned him!”

“Creation does not ensue to motherhood,” Miko says, her eyes narrowed.  “Barnabas, we hath witnessed many cherubsforsaken by their makers, why doth this vary?  Could it be for thou wert eavesdropping once more?”

Barnabas does not answer right away, instead averting her eyes.  “She doth plainly bear affection for him.”

"But Celestia would ne'er pardon her, should she bear affection for him."

“What reason hath that?”

“They deem him akin to thee.”

Barnabas freezes for a moment, her eyes wide as she takes in what she was told.  She resumes movement, pacing along the room.  "How canst that be? Celestia hath declared it a rare happening!"

“We doth not know,” Yae Miko says calmly, eyes following the pacing angel.  “Ei was consumed by sorrow when she did ascertain.” 

Barnabas shakes her head, clearly not accepting reality.  "Nay, I beheld him. He's... mundane, perchance a tad feebler than the other cherubs. Surely not what thou wouldst anticipate from an archangel, yet neither truly extraordinary when matched 'gainst other cherubs."

"I am uncertain if thou dost desire the reason for why that is," Miko says, averting her gaze.  “Ei was consumed with wrath at the decrees.”

"Thou mayst as well reveal it unto me anon."

"They hast sealed the bulk of his might for the nonce," Miko says, keeping her tone consistent.  "Ei hath bestowed upon someone the authority to restore such power, yet even I am not privy to that knowledge."

Barnabas just stares at her for a moment, disbelief clear in her eyes.  “For what cause?”

"Should he be sealed, they suspect he shalt never ascend."

"Why not keep him in the angelic realm? Make him a pacifist? Why filch his powers from him?"

Miko narrows her eyes in a way that Scaramouche recognizes.  It only occurs when she is trying to formulate the truth in a palatable way.  He always hated that expression, but he guesses that Barnabas does not even notice.  "I do surmise they harbor intentions for him in days to come. In truth, it doth cause me great concern."

"Miko... couldst thou execute a task for me?"

Suddenly, Scaramouche sees that Barnabas and Yae Miko are not too different.  Barnabas wears her heart on her sleeve, but deep down, both know how to get what they want.

“That hinges on what thou dost require of me.”

"The cherub... if Ei cannot tend to him, canst thou at least ensure his well-being? He doth merit an ally, and I acknowledge I cannot fulfill that role."  She sees Miko hesitate so she grabs the other angel’s hands. "I beseech thee, Miko. Rukkhadevata served as such for me, but I doubt she can offer the same care for Ei's cherub."

Yae clearly thinks about it before squeezing Barnabas’ hand.  “I vow.”

The memory fades and Scaramouche is thrown into chaos.  Lights flash before his eyes, shadows and light clashing with each other.  Angels and demons alike fall, the clouds separating as if alive, devouring the fallen.  He finds another hiding spot, this time among the rubble, and just decides to watch.

"Kunikuzushi, what dost thou here?" A voice yells, causing Scaramouche to look toward the sound.  His heart drops when he sees a younger version of himself, hair to his mid back, just standing there.  The worst part is, simply put, he does not remember being here at all.

Barnabas kneels, holding the young Kunikuzushi’s shoulders. "Thou wert commanded to abide with the cherubs."

"But mother doth venture forth!" Kunikuzushi yells, his eyes wide.  Scaramouche almost finds his younger self cute, if that is even the right word for it.  “I desire her not coming to harm.”

"And thy mother would not wish thee harmed," Barnabas says, moving a chunk of hair behind Kunikuzushi’s ear.  "Let us return thee to the others, aye? Thy mother shall not suffer harm, for Makoto and Miko attend to her safety."

Kunikuzushi nods, gasping out in shock when an explosion happens far too close for comfort.  Scaramouche doesn't know what he looks like scared, but he guesses that the expression his younger self currently has is the best way he is going to see it.

Barnabas quickly stands, facing the culprit.  Her eyes narrow at them, her hand pushing Kunikuzushi behind her, a silent command to the cherub to stay put.  "Pierro, thou couldst have injured someone."

“I fear that was indeed the intent,” the demon says casually as if not just admitting to attempting to cause harm.  "I am astonished they permitted thee to emerge from thy confinement."

"What Celestia remains unaware of shall not cause harm to them, particularly if it serves the interests of my kin," Barnabas declares while standing tall, attempting to get him to back down. "Thou art free to depart, dost thou know? I am but a lowly ranked angel, and he a mere cherub, scarcely worth boasting about."

"But wherefore find pleasure in such restraint?" Pierro questions, keeping his well calculated distance.  "It would be a slight to my sovereign if I were to extend mercy unto every feeble creature."

"Kuni... flee with all haste to thy mother's side, for she can shield thee."

“Nay…I cannot abandon thee!”  Kunikuzushi cries out, tugging on her tunic.  “I canst aid thee.”

“Nay, thou canst not,” she says at once, determined to destroy any delusion before it can even manifest.  “Pierro…he is but a child.”

"Then he should have tarried with the others."

A shadow leaps toward the duo, growling as it grows, threatening to destroy anything in its path.  Scaramouche does not know whether or not he should look away or keep them wide, afraid he would miss something important.

Right when the shadow is about to make impact with the two angels, an angelic light shines through, slicing it as if it were a fruit.  There stands Barnabas, her hands glowing in a bright light.  Gripped in both hands is a singular feather, quickly clueing Scaramouche in on what he saw.  

She’s transforming her feathers into something that almost resembles a dagger, imbuing them with angelic power.  Scaramouche truly has never seen anything like it.

She moves gracefully, side stepping away from Pierro’s attacks as if she has fought him a million times.  Occasionally she is forced to dart towards Kunikuzushi and get him to safety, but overall she is doing quite well for herself.

Pierro looks frazzled, seemingly annoyed due to this hunt taking more effort than he originally thought.  It is clear he thought they were easy prey, but Barnabas makes sure that he has to work for it.

It is almost like a dance as she stays light on her feet, not even using her wings.  Scaramouche always knew other angels were powerful, but he never believed it until now.  She exudes confidence, even if that is not what she is truly feeling.  She looks like she is in control.

Maybe that’s why Pierro took the opportunity to fake her out, his attack going towards Kunikuzushi.  She can’t get there in time to fully block it, even Scaramouche can see that.  She’s too far.

Maybe that’s why she jumps in front of the attack, causing her to fall to the ground.  She heaves, golden blood being spat out as she glares up at the demon.  Young Kunikuzushi fusses over her, outstretching his hand in a feeble attempt to create a field around them so that Pierro’s attacks become harmless.

Unfortunately that does not last, instead shattering almost instantly as the young cherub stares in shock as the older angel’s chest starts to move slower.  “Barnabas!” Kunikuzushi cries out, reaching out for the angel and bracing for the final blow.

The cherub closes his eyes, and Scaramouche cannot help but do the same.  It is stupid, he knows that he survives this.  He knows that he is standing right here, thousands of years in the future, but that does not mean he is any less worried.

That’s when he feels the unimaginable warmth emanating from the scene in front of him.  He opens his eyes once more, squinting as he attempts to look at this bright light that shines unnaturally.  

Screams erupt from the light, a figure, merely a shadow in Scaramouche’s vision, collapsing onto the floor.  The demon stares down at the scene, a visible grin on his face, before leaving the two angels as if he had not intended to kill them.

Kunikuzushi’s voice pierces through the screams, repeating Barnabas' name as if it were a chant.  As the light dims, the screams subside. And then there is nothing but a heap of Barnabas, an ever growing puddle of blood, a crying cherub, and two new pairs of wings that join with the former. 

Scaramouche sees white once more, falling into yet another scene.  This one being eerily familiar to his own experiences.

“For thy crimes…”

Barnabas stands tall, three pairs of wings spread out, her appearance looking similar to an archangel.  She looks like she has been crying. 

"Of breaking Divine decrees and entering the fray, risking not only thine own life, but the sanctity of thy very being."

Scaramouche stays frozen as he watches the scene play out.  She didn’t do anything wrong…but neither did he, not really.  Celestia acts as if they are all high and mighty but pass judgment over things they never even see.

So he leaves his hiding spot, standing in front of the very beings that will forsake him in thousands of years.  He clears his voice, trying to remember exactly how to speak.  "It is not her blame... How is't fair that thou dost punish her for what lies beyond her sway? Why chastise one whom thou knewest did hazard ascension? Why punish one for ascending at all?"

"Pray, this court is not open to comment at present."

Scaramouche sees a guard attempt to approach him, but he brushes them off, instead deciding to fly to stay away from them.  "Why art thou so fearful? Doth it prick thee so, for fear that one may ascend to th' rank of an archangel, thus casting doubt upon thine own station?"

"Thou speak'st without knowledge or wit."

"Thou art fearful of a rebellion." Scaramouche says, his eyes widening at the realization.  He dodges the guards once more.  "Mayhap thou art weaker than our estimation hath reckoned."  The silence seems to be his answer.  "Methinks I am nearing the truth, am I not?"

The silence is unbearable.

"Thou dreadst rebellion so greatly that thou dost regulate each motion of thy people. Thou behave as though aught deviating from custom is amiss. How canst thou claim the title of leaders whilst treating thy subjects thusly? By what means hast thou maintained this realm's integrity through the passage of so many years?!"

When a guard finally makes contact with him, his vision goes white.  He drops into the same scene, as if nothing had changed.  The memory of what Kaeya said haunts him, reminding the angel that no matter how angry he gets, he cannot actually change anything that happens.

“For thy crimes.”

Scaramouche cannot help but question whether or not she knew this would come.  Barnabas does look like she had been crying, but at the same time, she looks at peace.  Like she had accepted it.

"Of breaking Divine decrees and entering the fray, risking not only thine own life, but the sanctity of thy very being."

He takes a deep breath, waiting for the results he knows are coming.

"We do exile thee from the angelic sphere for eternity. The moment this court adjourns, thou shalt be cast out, never to return upon any pretext."

Barnabas nods, her head dropping as the weight of her sentence falls on her.  With a shaky hand, she pulls out a small item, throwing it toward the divine’s direction.  Screams from the crowd erupt, and right before Scaramouche’s vision floods with light once more, he cannot help but wonder if that is the reason why he was bound during his trial.

They had learned from the previous one.

He doesn’t know how long Barnabas sat, staying in the exact place in which she fell.  But the world continued even as she stayed stuck in the previous events.  The human race grew, and hints of human involvement appear even this early on.

Scaramouche sits next to her, letting his feet swing on the cliffside.  He does not even look at her, merely looking ahead.  “You’ve been here a while…”

“What?”

“Why not leave?”  He asks calmly, as if he would not be in the same situation if it weren’t for his humans.  If they would have left him in those woods…he most likely would have stayed there until his anger festered long enough for him to burn away all the nearby vegetation.

“They’re mocking me now?” Barnabas asks, looking at him directly.  She narrows her eyes, her brain clearly trying to put together what she is seeing.  “Kunikuzushi?”

Scaramouche almost flinches at the usage of the name.  When his younger self was referred to that way, it was one thing, but now?  It feels wrong being called that, like it is clawing at his very soul and the only thing he can do is attempt to grapple with the idea that it does not belong.  “They didn’t send me…”

“Then how did you-” she cuts herself off, her eyes widening.  “Oh they didn’t…”

Scaramouche does not answer at first, trying to figure out how he is going to phrase this.  “I’m using the Gnosis Pool to talk to you.”

She smiles sadly, nodding.  “I’m glad they didn’t destroy my memories.  I feared they would at some point.”

“Barnabas…you were in charge of offensive tactics between angels and demons during the war…I need to pick your brain.”

“My knowledge does not come for free,” Barnabas says, her wings shuffling, causing some foliage to move around.  “First tell why you need this.”

“An angel took control over the demonic realm…they’re threatening the mortal realm.” Scaramouche decides keeping a couple details to himself is the best course of action here.  “I have people here, a little over a thousand years in the future, but people.  I have a life here.  I don’t want to come crashing down.”

“I’m glad you were able to exist after being cast out.”

“It takes the right kind of person to let that happen.  I got the jackpot…got two of them.” He smiles, thinking of them for a moment.  “I don’t want them to die.”

Barnabas puts her hand next to him, careful not to make physical contact so as to not restart the memory, but still attempting to be comforting nonetheless.  “I’ll give you some ways to weaken an angel infused with demonic energy.  They’re not perfect…but they’re something.”  She pauses, her expression twitching.  “But, can I ask…who is the angel that has taken control over the demonic realm?”

Scaramouche does not reply, keeping his head down.

Barnabas smiles softly, the answer coming to her quite easily.  The boy truly does not change when it comes to hiding the truth.  “Having me tell you how to kill my future self is rather grim, don’t you think?”

“You’re the only one I could go to.”

She takes a shaky breath, drawing something into the ground.  “Have a witch draw this rune.  Depending on the strength of the opponent, you might need more.  And you’ll need angel blood.”

Scaramouche nods, taking note of the rune.  “Anything else?”

“Human hope is potent.  Try to get some convinced that it will work.”

“Thank you, Barnabas.”

She smiles sadly, “at least some version of me knows I make a meaningful difference.” She touches his shoulder and he is jerked out of the memory.

But this time it is different.  He sees black for a moment before once again getting to be face to face with Barnabas.  She grins, going to sit on a throne that he has never seen before.  She finally speaks, looking at him as if he were entertainment.  “Why are you poking around my memories, little one?”

●•·•●

Kazuha didn’t like watching Scaramouche like this.  His eyes are closed, yet he looks the furthest from peaceful.  He twitches, his breath quickening in short intervals before going back to normal.

No one talks, not wanting to miss the moment he comes back.  Kazuha anxiously tries to pass time, thinking about all the things they can do once this nightmare is over.

But then Scaramouche disappears, and he’s left scrambling.

His angel physically fades away, shadows enveloping his very being until he is just…gone.  

It seems like the entire group doesn’t even know what happened because when he turns to Kaeya, the witch is staring back.  “Where the fuck did, he go?

14 << >>16

Masterlist