#I’m just done talking don’t send me anymore asks I will just delete them

[tariah23]

Whoever keeps sending me asks about the anon post I deleted, it’s over.

[amalythea]

moonstruck ; birthday event !

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

As a way to celebrate me being old and a way for me to get back into writing I decided to host an event! I wrote these prompts like a year ago back on @soleillunne with the help of @starrveill (i love you)

This is a request based event, if you have an idea in mind send me an ask with a prompt, a genre (optional) and a character of your choice.

You can send in as many asks as you want, but only one prompt and character per ask is allowed. So you can ask the same prompt for different characters with multiple asks.

I will delete any request that's against my rules and just make me uncomfortable in general. If you have any questions about the characters I write for please don't hesitate to ask.

I will tag this post and each post related to this one with "moonstruck!", and the event will get its own masterlist. I don't know when I will close the event, but I will announce when I do.

Below are the prompts, go crazy (⁠｡⁠•̀⁠ᴗ⁠-⁠)⁠✧

1. “don't smile at me like that!”

2. “may i have this dance?” “well, if you insist.”

3. “stop moving, i'm almost done!”

4. “well, if i tell you it wouldn't be a secret.”

5. “the moon is beautiful, isn't it?”

6. “i wouldn't wanna fight you. you're pretty feisty.”

7. “your eyes are always on them.” “…are they? I haven’t noticed.”

8. “do you think the moon is jealous of how pretty you are?”

9. “are you sure you're okay? your face seems a little red.”

10. “...on the bright side, we'll know how not to cook next time.”

11. “you're my favorite person.”

12. “close the curtains! my eyes are burning!” “don’t you think you’ve slept in long enough, you little vampire?”

13. “here.” ”what are you doing?” “giving you my jacket. cover yourself up, people are staring.” (bonus: “…are you sure you’re not the one staring?”)

14. “how… do you understand my feelings so well?” “…because i’d been in your place once”

15. “i love you. now say it back.” “please— stop talking, save it till we get you help—” “say it back—” “i love you. i love you, i love you, i love you so fucking much, please don’t leave me—”

16. “dont miss me too much, okay?”

17. “tell me what i can do for you.” “stay.”

18. “wait! don't go... not yet.”

19. “i swear to you, that as long as I’m alive I won’t let a single soul ever harm you.”

20. “how do you make the pain go away?”

21. “you feel like home to me.”

22. “it's okay to cry, you know.”

23. “you're acting like my mom.” “shut up and let me take care of you.”

24. “i'm never leaving you. you're stuck with me.”

25. “in your darkest moments, I'll be your guiding light.”

30. “you're exhausted, honey.”

31. “can i have another blanket?” “do you really think that’s a good idea, love?”

32. “come over here; let me patch you up.”

33. “how do you do it?” “do what?” “make me feel alive.”

34. “i have no idea how i got through my days before i met you.”

35. “what do you feel when you're with me?” “when i'm with you... i feel at peace.”

36. “you lied to me. was i just a pawn in your game? the easiest one you can discard?”

37. “you make me feel so alone.”

38. “i don't know what to do without you.”

39. “make sure it kills me.”

40. “i love you, until the end of the world.”

41. “you had your chance.”

42. “wait for me, will you?”

43. “i don't want to go.”

44. “i'm sorry, have we met before?”

45. “it's okay, you can let go.”

46. “i can't help but wonder if you ever truly loved me.”

47. “given your history, i should have known better.”

48. “you made a promise.”

49. “in the end, I was just a stepping stone in your path to success, wasn't I?”

50. “i can't trust you anymore, not after what you did.”

51. “…please don’t come any closer.” “why not?” “i don’t want to hurt you.” “who said you would?”

52. “people always leave, so why should it be any different now?” “what if i told you that i never planned on leaving? not now, not ever?”

53. “the only thing that makes every ounce of pain worth enduring is you.”

54. “i love you too much to stay away, and I wouldn't wish for anything less than to spend an eternity by your side.”

55. “the day i lose you is the day that i lose everything.”

56. “please don't go... i love you.” “...i wish i could believe that.”

57. “i'm sorry. you deserve so much more than this, and i can't even give you that, no matter how much i want to.”

58. “do you know the difference between history and you?” “what?” “history is the past, but you’re my future.” “…oh my god.”

59. “now remember, you don’t need to apologize for things you aren’t responsible for, okay?” “okay! i’m sorry!” “…i literally just said not to apologize.” “sorry..” “damn it. we’re gonna have to work on that a bit more.”

60. “i’m sure the feeling won’t last, but let me hold onto you a little bit longer before i go.”

Bonus: send me a prompt/lyrics of your choice!

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

moonstruck — unable to think or act normally, especially as a result of being in love.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

@amalythea 2024. | do not re-upload, copy, translate, etc. my works on any form of media.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA - me and my bestfriend (bsf) of six years recently got into a 2 week long argument and at this point have stopped talking. First i need to provide some back ground of the situation. Last November i became friends with “J”. This itself caused some arguments because they have similar names and sometimes i’d slip and call bsf, J, on accident and would immediately apologize. After a couple times of this happening she got really upset but i explained i’d been doing the same to J and she seemed to be less upset about it.

In the beginning of January, J and her bestfriend “E” got into some pretty serious drama where information from both sides never matched up but i’d known and used to be friends with E for a while. He is not a great guy speaking from past experience. (he constantly talks about how he’s a narcissist very proudly) He was claiming they had slept together and was telling all of his friends about it. She was saying they hadn’t. These rumors had been going around for months about them but had died down until this. the problem is i believed J but bsf was close with E and sided with him. I’d like to make a note through this entire situation neither me or bsf played any roll in it to my knowledge. this was just between E and J. Later on i found out they had slept together from J and asked why she had said they hadnt she said it was an agreement between the two of them that they wouldn’t say anything to anyone else because of the rumors people were already spreading about them being together. But once she found out it was definitely him telling people this time she told me the truth. yeah they had slept together then he forced her to take a plan B even though he knew she was on birth control and they’d used a condom. then ghosted her and pretended not to know her when asked by Js twins sisters best-friend.

Now it’s about 3 weeks ago where i posted two separate story’s saying how much i loved J and her sister and the other about how much i love bsf. about 10 minutes later bsf texted me “just delete this.” i of course asked why but she never responded so i took it down like she asked. later that day she reply’s to a text i had sent her the day before saying “nothing much just wishing i was hanging out with you” she replied “right.” at this point i’m genuinely confused what’s happening i had a feeling it was about J somehow because every time i posted about J it would be the one thing she didn’t like or comment on and she would get annoyed when i’d mention some thing me and J had done recently. i immediately replied with “of course, i love hanging out with you. your my best friend” A couple hours later she send me a three paragraph message saying how she didn’t think that anymore because i was ignoring everything she was telling me about what E was saying. That i was only taking J’s side and always talking about what J was saying about her side. She said I was using her as a separate option that if J couldn’t hang out i would call her. etc at the end of the message she told me she would never make me choose but that she will never trust anything J says. (they’ve literally never met or talked the only thing she hears about J is through E or me) she ends it with do whatever you want to do but don’t do anything for me. keep being friends with her idk i’m keeping my distance from all that. I replied with a message basically saying that she wasn’t the second option, i wasn’t sure who to trust, and that i try to avoid talking about the situation with J. we go back and forth with her apologizing for how she’s acting then getting mad about me not just believing her over everything else i’m being told. Then she tried to claim she never said J was wrong but that she knows she’s lied to me (the thing i mentioned in the first paragraph is the only time she’s lied to me) that she never picked a side and that she can’t believe how hurt she feels when “i’m supposed to be her bestfriend” i brought up the fact that i had asked her more than once if me being friends with her bothered her and she always said no. That this wouldn’t have exploded like this if we could have talked it out before. she took that as me saying this was all her fault.

A couple days later she messages me asking to talk in person i say when and where but she just send me a message about her feelings anyways again apologizing for how she’s acting and that she felt i wasn’t listening to her but it hurt more to lose me etc but continuing to say she doesn’t think i should be friends with J but it’s my choice. I reply i was listening but i think we were both just trying to find the facts in a situation we will never really know who was lying 100%. but i made a point in the massage to say i wasn’t going to stop being friends with J and that i didn’t understand why me and bsf relationship was so affected by me and J’s. She gets mad again bringing up a hate account that was made claiming J had made it but J had shown me that she hadn’t and it was investigated by our school who also said she didn’t do it. that it was my choice to be friends with her but that i don’t understand how it’s affecting her and that it wasn’t fair. at this point i was really mad because it really felt like she was trying to force me to choose between them two in a way. i replied saying she hadn’t made the account and said i don’t think J is the reason we stopped talking and that i feel like she was making me choose even though she was saying she wasn’t. she then replied saying she didn’t make me choose but that i had chose J over her and “that i guess you though she needed more attention” (yeah maybe because J is not mentally handling this well at all and your fine because your not actually involved with this drama) i didn’t reply to her but about another week later i texted her “i just want to be friends with both of you. why can’t i do that” she replied i understand but i don’t think you should be friends with she’s not a good person but hope your having fun it’s all i wanted for you. that’s the end of the messages at this point.

TLDR : (do we do those here??) bestfriend of three years stopped talking to me because i became friends with another girl who later got into drama with best friends close friend E (A PROUDLY SELF PROCLAIMED NARCISSIST I MIGHT ADD)

What are these acronyms?

[wayfayrr]

Alright anons, we need to have a talk. Moss is too much of a sweetheart so I’m going to say it for them.

Get the hell out of their business.

I understand that some of you enjoy certain fics that were made by them, and are sad to see them go, but that doesn’t give you the right to try and repeatedly send asks regarding a particular Link.

Moss has been so kind and patient with you guys. More patient than other creators would be, that’s for sure. And do you read rules before coming into a person’s inbox? Because the way some of you guys have been acting, I’m not too sure.

Moss has made it clear that they are not interested in talking. They do not like repeating themselves. They’ve said it multiple times and yet they get ignored and stomped on.

“But I was just genuinely wanting to know-” It doesn’t matter. Genuine or not, asking something that is repeatedly told to stop asking about - which is declared on their pinned post that you failed to read - is saying enough about your ignorance to their wishes.

“They always place the warnings in the tags” Anon, come close for a quick second. Tumblr tags are an added space for thoughts. It’s free information about the person. It’s a part of what makes Tumblr, Tumblr. You can always blacklist the tags or block them if you want to. OR you can just not come to their blog anymore. Maybe even pretend they’re not there at all. You are responsible for yourself at the end of the day. But alas, the memo is not being get.

Besides, anyone with a sliver of a brain cell can see that they’re uncomfortable whenever someone brings them up. Whether they’re anon or not.

“Well, I’m not going to listen to you because you’re their friend so you’re biased” Isn’t being a friend of theirs, more reason to listen? Unless I’m giving you too much credit and you don’t understand friendship very well. In which case I recommend you watch My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

Anons, if you’re so desperate to talk about him, then get off anon. Stop being scared. Let us know who you really are behind the facade.

This isn’t TikTok or Twitter/X. Pushing boundaries isn’t fun or cutesy. It’s disgusting.

I don’t care what age you are. You are not entitled to someone’s life and thoughts. No matter how buddy-buddy you think you are with them.

This behavior is inexcusable. Be better, anons.

I would like to add one small thing that is - I've been debating turning off anon because of the recent everything, I've settled for simply closing my askbox for now and taking a step away from posting before coming back when I'm not a hair away from deleting my entire blog because of it all. I'm so close to just nuking it because I'm just done, although all of the the people who respect me just have me coming back because I still care.

[moony-ghoul]

ant hurt/comfort with literally any ghoul pls lol i’m just sad and want ant to be held and told he’s good ! :(

okay time to finally tackle this one after it deleted itself last time i wrote it

BACK AT IT W MY FAVS

ants exhausted to put it simply

they felt it in their bones, a constant ache. they can’t remember when they last slept or when they had a meal, opting for quick bites when they become available

the ripped callouses on their fingers sting every time they move, reopening when they sit down for their 4th rehearsal of the day

but they can’t stop

aether left impossibly big shoes for them to fill, putting in any less than 110% effort isn’t an option. ant knows that they’re hurtling towards burning out. they don’t care. they don’t have the choice to not be perfect

it’s been months of pushing themself further and further. it started as hiding away for a few more extra minutes of practice by themself, that quickly turned into waking up in the middle of the night to strum out a few songs, and before they even had time to realise they seemed to be in a constant state of rehearsal. they skipped out on dinners out, skipped out on going to some shitty bar in whatever city they were in, they hid themself away every time.

if they were going to fuck up again they don’t want the other ghouls to see it

ant doesn’t feel conscious anymore, they never know if they’re actually on stage or not, they don’t know what city they’re in - hell they don’t even know what country they’re in anymore

their fucking hands keep shaking

it’s fucking everything up for them. they can’t play well with shakey hands. it causes an even heavier weight to settle in their chest

so they start planning

they’re gonna get to the hotel around 2am, then they have the next day off, then bump in at 10am the next day, then sound check at 2- or was it 1? are they gonna be in costumes for it? they’ll have to ask copia. will he be mad that they don’t know the schedule? what if-

a large hand covers theirs where it’s balled into a fist on their thigh

swiss’ head is still leaning back against the torn leather seat of the van, ant thought he was sleeping

“i can hear you thinking”

“sorry”

their voice sounds wrong coming out of their mouth, too small and broken

“it’s okay.” swiss gives their hand a light squeeze, “we’re gonna bump up together tonight, you can tell me what’s going on in ya head once we’re there”

ants throat goes dry, the weight on their chest doubles

the drive to the hotel goes quicker than they would’ve liked. the countdown to having to talk with swiss keeps ticking down

is swiss angry at them? why else would he want to talk? what have they done wrong?

the pair unpack in silence, usually ant finds this comforting now it just serves as a reminder of the impending doom

they wait for him to finish up his shower, resting against the headboard with their knees tucked tightly to their chest. some movies playing on the tv but they’re staring through it

ant doesn’t hear the click of the bathroom door, only coming back to earth when swiss’ hand lands on their leg

his smile is soft, it makes ant just collapse onto his chest and cry out all the exhaustion. but they don’t, they don’t know swiss’ intentions, this may all be a trap

swiss breaks the silence first

“what’s going on with you?”

his voice is gentle, like he stalking to a child. it makes ants head spin, they’re trying to understand the situation in front of them, trying to keep themself a step ahead of swiss but that’s very hard when they don’t know what’s going on

“…what?” they huff out in an almost laugh

“ant,” swiss says much more sternly this time, “somethings not right with you”

fuck

FUCK

that’s what this is about

he’s noticed. swiss has noticed. he knows how shit ant is, as a musician and as a ghoul. did copia set this up? is this how they’re planning on sending them back? because they’re not as good as aether

“you keep doing that”

can swiss hear their thoughts? is it some strange multi ghoul talent they don’t know about?

“doing what?”

“you keep disappearing, like you’re stuck in your own head.” swiss let’s out a shakey sigh. “let me in. please? i want to help you”

swiss’ hand rubs small circles into ants ankle, slowly breaking down the walls ant has built up so perfectly

“i- im fine-“

“no you’re not. you keep hiding away, you’re not eating, i doubt you’re sleeping either. i know you think nobody’s noticed but i’ve noticed. i see you, bug, please just let me in”

ant feels the dam breaking in their chest first, all that pressure that’s been building slowly cracking, once it does there’s no way for them to build it back up

their head falls to their knees as their sobs shake them. swiss’ arms wrap around them, glamoured nails scratch fully up and down their back

“i-i-i’m j-just so *sob* tired”

“i know, baby, i know. you’ve been working so hard, we all see it”

ant somehow starts crying harder, letting their knees fall and wrapping their arms around swiss’ waist, tears staining his shirt

after a few minutes their tears start to slow. somehow they feel even more exhausted than they originally were

swiss pulls them away from his chest, holding their head ever so gently, wiping tears away with his thumbs

“i just wanted to be good” ant whispers, “as good as aether”

ant watches as something in his expression shifts, he looks almost hurt?

“are you kidding? you’re already amazing, even at your first rehearsal you blew us all away. you’re not aether, but you’re you. you’re trying to compare land and sea here, bug. you’re a beautiful musician, you drive me crazy every night watching you, you captivate an audience in a way i’ve never seen before. stop trying to be aether and be phantom, cause you’re pretty fucking cool”

if ant had any tears left they’d definitely be crying again. instead they wrap their arms around swiss’ neck, tackling him into a tight hug, almost knocking him off balance

they mumble ‘thank you’s and ‘i love you’s into swiss’ hair before he repositions them to lay down

ant doesn’t let go of swiss for the rest of the night, falling into a very much needed sleep

[bwabys-scenarios]

Hey, I know you said you don't want me talking to you anymore but this is the last time I'll talk to you I promise. But I just need to do this before I go. I'm very sorry for sending you those awful asks I did, I'm taking full responsibility. I don't know what came over me to say and send such but I shouldn't and never should have done that, those words should not have been sent to you at all and I deserve what ever vitriol and hate I get. Though it's hard hard for you to, I just want you to please find it in your heart to forgive me for what I did. I was very cruel and stupid and you didn't deserve all those asks. If you don't forgive me that's fine but I just want to be able to rest easy knowing I've apologized. Once again I'm very sorry please forgive me.

I won't bother you again.

Girl you are not sorry, because I know you’re the same person that sent the ask below like an hour before this ask. YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY NOT FORGIVEN.

And BY THE WAY you literally read my chubby reader inserts. You’re fat too, you have no reason to be coming to my page throwing insults when those insults apply to you too. At this point it’s really just pathetic. Idk if you just hate your own body that much, but that’s not my issue. I write positive content for chubby people, you literally know NOTHING about what I look like besides that I’m chubby. Like YOU GOT MAD I BLOCKED YOU!! YOU ENJOYED MY FANFICTION?? Like are you delusional, because everything you’re calling me applies to you. Jesus Christ.

I’m not replying to you again, leave me alone. Genuinely, idk wtf is wrong with you, get some help.

This is not normal fucking behavior, and I don’t know if you’re stupid or what, but you can’t just send a message like all the other awful messages you sent them pretend to apologize an HOUR later. Do you think I’m dumb? Jesus Christ, either get a therapist or an exorcist because there’s something going on and you need to seek help from therapy or god.

If you were actually sorry, you wouldn’t have sent that other message, and you would have left me alone LIKE I ASKED. LEAVE. ME. ALONE. After this I’ll be deleting any ask you send me, and blocking your accounts. You are a grown ass woman, please find something better to do with your time than harass authors over FANFICTION.

Being chronically online sure is something!

[tenpintsof-sundrop]

DC Titans WIPs (November 2023)

Okay, so - I am the type of person who actually benefits from people ‘bugging’ me when it comes to my WIPs. I know a lot of authors say that they don’t like being bugged or hounded down for their work, but I am the opposite. So I have made this list of my Titans WIPs so you guys can 'bug' me into finishing some of them.

The only time this doesn’t work for me is when you’re bugging me/asking me about work from a fandom that I’m not currently working on. (aka asking me about Lessons For A Genius when I’m not currently working on Criminal Minds stuff) - but if it’s a WIP from a fandom that I am currently working on and someone is really enthusiastic about it, asking for updates, ‘bugging’ me about it, then I know that they are anticipating that work and that they look forward to me posting it, so it makes me more eager and excited to work on it, and I will actively prioritize that work over other stuff. 

So, I have made this list of my Titans WIPs. Most of these are from months ago or even years ago, and this isn’t even all my WIPs from this fandom - I have just included the works that I am most excited about and most likely to finish. Realistically, do I think every single item on this list is going to get done within the next few months? No. But I hope that I can get four or five items on this list done soon, on top of editing reposts and possibly starting new ideas. 

This is a really long list and realistically not everything is going to get done, but if you see something on this list that you think sounds cool, send me a message and bug me about it and it will definitely move up the list in terms of priority. I know a lot of these are untitled, so if you want to come into my inbox and talk about one, just send me the number of it or talk about the general concept, etc.

Completed Fics That Need To Be Edited:

(I am actually surprised by how many of these there are. Last time I was working on Titans stuff and lost steam, I left quite a few blurbs unedited, so look forward to these coming your way.) 

First Kiss With Gar Logan - Gar Logan x Reader, Fluff, set during S2, 2k words est. - This one is described all in the title; mutual pining, mostly fluff; a short fic describing what your first kiss with Gar would be like. I know the reason I didn’t post this one! This one was intended to be part of a series called the ‘First Kiss’ series where I showed a situation of the reader (in each case, it’s a different reader character) having their first kiss with each of the Titans characters; very random and funsies, and I am probably going to continue this as a series like intended if people like this one EDIT - NOW POSTED

EDIT: now titled Miss Nectarine - Untitled Donna Smut Blurb - Donna Troy x Fem!Thick!Reader (Plus Sized Reader), Smut/PWP, set during S2 (Titans ‘return home’ era), 2k words est. - This one involves the ‘caught masturbating’ trope (one of my ult favs); Donna walks in and sees you touching yourself, and with your gorgeous curvy body revealed to her, she can’t hold back anymore. The reason I didn’t post this one is because I thought it was crappy and I was too tired to edit the issues out of it, and now that I have come back to it, I am excited about the concept and the bones of it and I am lot more excited and energetic to edit the issues out of (I feel like this could be 4k or 5k with editing because I really love the ideas behind it). I have definitely not written enough Donna smut and there needs to be more in my catalog. NOW POSTED

Great Dick, Sweet Personality - Gar Logan x Male Reader, Smut/PWP, set during S2, 3k est. - This one involves the ‘accidentally sent you my nude’ trope; you are trying on lingerie in your room for your own enjoyment and snapping pictures of yourself cause it feels good, and then you accidentally send one of them to Gar; you freak out and demand that he delete the picture, and you find out that he likes them, rather than mocking you for wearing the girly underwear, and then smutty smut (Gar is a bi king, I love writing him with a male reader) 

Main WIPs

A lot of these have a good chunk of the fic written and need to be finished, and some of them are just an outline of what the fic would be. I have put them in the order of what I am most excited about, and like I said - if you guys get really excited about something, it will be moved up the list. (Though I don’t think this list will actually be edited to reflect that, it will just be moved up the list in my mind, or put on the ‘coming soon’ section of my pinned post to reflect that I am prioritizing it.) 

Snowed In - Gar Logan x Fem!Reader x Jason Todd, Smut/Emotional Angst/Ending Fluff, set during S2 (AU version of the S2 ending), 1k words so far, 15% done so far, 10k est when finished - This is a Christmas themed fic; it will include a different ending for S2, so all the Titans are living at Titans Tower and operating out of San Francisco; however, everyone is going to different places for the holidays, and Jason, the reader, and Gar, are all dreading ‘going home’ for Christmas, so they are putting off leaving for as long as possible, and this gets them stuck in the Tower during a massive snowstorm; when the Tower’s generators run out of power, they are forced to snuggle together for warmth, and thing leads to another - threesome smut, confessions of feelings, and also, them chatting and explaining they didn’t want to leave leads to a lot of emotional catharsis; I rarely do holiday themed fics because I can never get them posted ‘on time’ but maybe I can actually do a Christmas fic this year?? 

Detective Grayson and The White Rabbit - Dick Grayson x Fem!Villain!Reader, Smut (with the barest amount of plot), technically doesn’t take place in the Titans!verse (but definitely inspired by Brenton Thwaites version of Dick), 3k words so far, 40% ish done so far, 7k est when finished - you are a famous masked villain in Gotham (a thief known as the White Rabbit) and you have an attraction to Nightwing, particularly because of his very famous ass, and one night, when you are arrested by Dick Grayson (disappointed that Nightwing didn’t show up to the ‘party’ that you set up just for him), you recognize that ass waltzing away from you, and you call out Detective Grayson; and in order to keep his secret identity a secret, you ask for one thing in return (to get fucked by the birdie vigilante that you have desired for so long). This is actually a kind of cracky idea that came up from a conversation between me and Star, and I loved it so much that I ran with it. Long live Nightwing’s royal ass 

A Knife Called Lust (The Sex Pollen Fic) - Gar Logan x Fem!Reader x Jason Todd, Angst and Smut, set during Season 3, 12k words so far, 30% done so far, it’ll probably be over 40k when it’s done (and it was originally intended to be a oneshot, but I think it would work better as a 3-shot); this one actually won a poll on my old blog, and then I girl-failed to actually get it done lmao; you are Jason’s childhood friend, and when he dies, you fall into Gar’s arms, and then the two of you find out Jason is alive (and Jason harshly rejects any attempts you make to get him to come home); and when Gar is hit by a mysterious chemical made by Crane, you go to Jason for help (it was sex pollen and a threesome ensues) 

Untitled Gar Smut (The Face Sitting Fic) - Gar Logan x Fem!Reader, Smut (the barest amount of plot), set during S2, 3k words so far, 50% done, 6k or 7k est when finished - This is based on a request I received on my old blog; Gar and the reader are sparring, and the reader wraps her legs around Gar to take him down, and this ends with her accidentally ‘sitting’ on his head; he loves the feeling, and asks her to do it again - this time, without pants on (very simple and smutty, cheers) 

Untitled Donna Fic (The Rage Chemical Fic) - Donna Troy x Fem!Kryptonian!Reader, Angst, set during the flashback era of S2, mostly just an outline atm - this is based off a request from my old blog; you are dosed with a chemical that Cadmus is working on (in the hopes of using it on Superman) and you end up in a blind rage; Donna, your lover, is the only one strong enough to fight you and inject you with the antidote (there is some angst where you try to kill Donna and she uses her calm, loving words to temporarily stop the rage) (this is structured like an episode of Titans, set during the OG Titans era)

Untitled JayGar fic (The Mockingbird Fic) - Gar Logan x Fem!Reader x Jason Todd, Hurt and Comfort, slight AU of Season 3, mostly just an outline - this is mostly inspired by the tiktok edit(s) of Jason and Gar, comparing their two styles of love, with the song lyrics ‘Daddy’s gonna but you a mockingbird, I’ll give you the world’ for Gar and ‘I’ll break that birdie’s neck’ for Jason; while the Titans are working in Gotham, several bomb threats are received; you, Jason, and Gar are at one location checking out one of these threats and someone sneaks up on you and sexually assaults you; Jason beats the man to death while Gar holds you and shields your eyes (showing how they care for you both differently but in ways that protect you) 

Untitled Donna Fic (The Death Fic) - Donna Troy x Fem!Reader, Angst and Smut, slight AU of Season 2, mostly just an outline - you and Donna are dating and in love and she gets shot by Deathstroke and dies (a much cooler death than dying from a carnival ride); she gives you her lasso as a last sign of her love, and when she somehow miraculously comes back to life, she comes back to you to get it (and to fuck you brainless to prove that she’s real when you think that she’s just a hallucination). I came up with this idea before I saw Season 3, and it was inspired by gifs of the scenes of Donna being in the forest after she had come back to life

Dick Confronts Your Abuser (not yet titled) - Dick Grayson x Fem!Reader, Hurt and Comfort, set during Season 3, 2k so far, 10k est when finished - this is similar to the fics I have already written for Abby and Ellie (and I would definitely be willing to write this prompt for other Titans characters, because it’s very close to my heart); what it says on the tin; you are in an unhappy, abusive relationship and when Dick finds out, he beats the shit out of the guy (Dick is also your ex and pining to get you back)

Untitled Enemies to Lovers Fic - Dick Grayson x Fem!Powered!Reader, Smut, set during Season 2, mostly just an outline - you are the daughter of Barry Allen/The Flash, and you have the power to slow down or speed up time around you; you have been an annoyance in Dick’s life since childhood, often using your powers to mock him and pull pranks on him; after the incident where he accidentally lets Doctor Light go, you continue mocking him, and the annoyance flares its head into attraction, and the two of you end up fucking on the mats in the training room (and you end up using your powers for good for once - making his orgasm longer and more satisfying than he ever could have thought) (I really love this idea and idk why lmao) 

Sequel Ideas:

(A lot of my fics could have sequels, and a lot of people have asked for certain fics to have sequels, but these are the fics I have thought about continuing the most and fics that I am the most excited about giving a sequel to.) 

Emergency Contact (sequel would be called The Jaws of Life) - Jason Todd x GN!Reader, Angst and Smut, set during season 3; this would be a reunion between Jason and the reader after Jason dies and comes back to life (reunion sex) 

Free Use Day (sequel would be called Shibari Whore) - Poly!OG Titans x Fem!Reader, smut, set during the flashback era; this would be a fic about Dick discovering his desire to be submissive; Dick becomes a rope bunny, and during their next play session, Dick is submissive and ‘used’ alongside the reader 

Missing You - Gar Logan x Fem!Reader x Jason Todd, Smut, set outside of the canon; I am thinking about a sequel and maybe even a third part to this, where Jason and the reader have phone sex with Gar now that they know he’s listening (and a part where they have sex with him in person) 

Now You See Me - Gar Logan x Male Reader, Angst, set during Season 3; I actually really love this fic so much and I’d love to write a sequel for it; with the Titans living in Gotham, a place that was once your home, when Hank gets into trouble with the bomb in his chest, you dive into your dark past in order to help him, and call in someone unexpected, but capable to help save Hank’s life - your father, Viktor Freeze

[twopoppies]

hi gina ! i used to struggle a lot with balancing my love for louis and harry and other stuff in my life. my obsession with them would just override everything else, and it was becoming a bit of an issue. but then i left the bird app, and i took a month away from the fandom and i came here! my obsession was still overriding, but not as much. but now i’m at a place where they aren’t overriding anything anymore. it’s great because i live in a balance now and they’re always there, but they’re not taking over my life anymore. i noticed this change when someone replied to a tik tok comment i left (it was me replying to someone basically saying that if a celebrity switches the pronouns in a song, why don’t they just come out already and i said that their way of thinking was very black and white, and the industry is more complicated than that), and they were yelling at me in all caps and i snorted and just deleted their reply. my relationship with louis and harry is very healthy and i’m at peace with it. i usually just spend my time lurking around, sending an occasional ask, reading fics, and talking to my friends about louis and harry. i’ve been also getting into a bunch of other artists that i’ve been discovering and i’m allowing myself to! i used to be in a bubble where i only really listened to one direction/solo music, but now i’ve branched out and i’ve found some of my favorite artists! i no longer second guess myself or worry about whether or not they’re physically together. i don’t buy everything they put out, and i don’t glamorize them. it’s kind of similar to having the honeymoon phase end and you can see their flaws, yet you’re still so in love with them and their flaws. sorry for babbling!! i hope you have an amazing day ❤️

No, you’re not babbling! I think that’s a very helpful perspective. Especially for new fans. I think taking a little time off really helps a lot. I’ve done it from time to time and it really does help recalibrate. And definitely getting off Twitter!

In reference to this

[cherienymphe]

What do you want from me?

I’m not the OP so I can’t speak for them but I think a lot of us just want to interact with you 😭🙏 like I’ll try to send messages pertaining to the stuff you post about and I’ll ask you questions about yourself but they just go unanswered which is fine because you don’t owe us anything but please believe me when I say I’m trying here 😫 I’ve always done all that but I also used to just send random things and thoughts I was having. However I took what you said about feeling like we don’t care about your interests or what you have to say to heart so I’ve stopped doing that and now I only send asks that I think you’ll genuinely want to answer but then you don’t. I’m not trying to get you to do things that you don’t want to do but if I remember correctly there was a time where you liked entertaining conversations with your followers and I’m attempting to bring that back but if no one else is putting in any effort I can see why you wouldn’t want to

I get that and I'm sorry you feel like your stuff goes unanswered but I've also said before that feeling like everything I say gets twisted and nitpicked is exhausting. Between that and just feeling generally ignored anytime I want to talk about something definitely hasn't made me enthusiastic to interact en masse anymore.

Literally just the other day someone had something to say about me apparently "not interacting with you all anymore". It's just not fun feeling like everything you say and do is just being stored away to get thrown back in your face later in some feeble attempt to humble you or insult you. I don't like being dictated on being myself on my own damn blog lol. A lot of you do not like me and unfortunately those same people lack the maturity to swallow their tongue about it. They just have to let me know instead of just...going away and interacting with someone they actually do like. They won't be satisfied until I just delete my entire page and AO3

[bihansthot]

I’m like super new to the Mortal Kombat fandom so when I first saw your blog in passing it was confusing for me as I knew Sub Zero as Kuai but with the new game coming out and learning about the game and the various timelines, you have single handedly (with some other Tumblr blogs) have gotten me hooked onto Bi Han. Your head canons make so much sense and honestly they are canon to me (Boon doesn’t know anything). I also want to say that I really appreciate the deep dives you’ve done and your posts which inspired me to start up my writing again (MK included) and just have fun in the fandom. I also wanted to let you know that there are people who want to read whatever you write, even if the haters and mean people like to infiltrate the ask box from time to time!

Thank you so much lovely! It’s wonderful comments like this that keep me motivated to keep creating, really I can’t thank you enough. Also welcome to the fandom! All the lore around the Sub-Zero Bros. can be quite confusing for someone just getting into the fandom hell a lot of times seasoned fans get confused sometimes too. I’m so glad though that you’re hooked on Bi-Han though! My master plan of building a Bi-Han army is slowly coming to fruition haha I just love him so much and I love others who love him too, I love to talk about him and compare ideas about him! I’m so honored that my silly ramblings have inspired you to write! I’m especially excited to see what you write about MK wise! That’s so awesome! Please feel free to tag me in it! My timeline tends to get quite flooded with things other than MK and I don’t always get to see everything because the tumblr app is garbage and crashes constantly and only lets me see some of my moots feed. I’d love to read it though! Thank you so much for saying there are people who want to read whatever I write it really makes me feel good and like I’m actually contributing to the kommunity in a positive way and that feels incredible. Thankfully I don’t have to deal with a lot of haters much anymore, that’s not to say I never deal with it but I don’t post it when I get it. I just delete it and go about my day. I used to get really bothered by hate and get really down on myself but lately I just remind myself of all the wonderful lovelies who do support me and I don’t let myself get overwhelmed by those who don’t. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea and that’s ok! I just prefer if people block me instead of send hate which is my overall suggestion to every fandom, block people, don’t harass them. Again I just want to say thank you so much for your wonderfully kind comments, it really made my day. 🥰 I love this game and kommunity and work really hard to try and create things people enjoy and when people let me know they do it just makes my heart soar. Sending love to you and the kommunity. 💙

[honeyymistt]

hi

I’ve tried sending this a few times but tumblr keeps crashing so if you receive this like five times I’m so sorry lol

okay so I’m not sure if you remember me but a while ago I messaged you about this person I matched with on a dating app and went out to dinner with. Since then we have gone out to dinner one more time but then she kept cancelling our plans so I pretty much gave up. we have seen each other around and said hi but haven’t texted or talked much since. I guess at this point I’m stuck wondering what I’ve done wrong.

it also leaves me back at dating app square one. I don’t have a large friend group which is why I went to dating apps in the first place but I’m not an extremely social person which I guess doesn’t make me great at first impressions so it’s very hard for me. also the dependence on what a person looks like over what their soul is makes the discernment and swiping process more difficult. this person I was talking to was the only person I really met via dating apps in about a year and a half of using them.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, where do you think I should go from here? I know you answered a question recently about dating so I apologize if this is slightly repetitive, but my friends here at school aren’t much help and I only really have a few friends from high school who I’d go to for advice such as this. It’s really weighing on my self esteem and self worth at this point and I’m trying not to let it affect me, but when people don’t see got as lovable it really seeps into your bones.

thanks for making it this far. I look forward to your wise words.

hi, yes i do remember you!!! ❣️i'm sorry to hear about you and this person. it's a very frustrating feeling to want to know what went wrong but not really being in contact anymore so asking them feels awkward.

i'm not saying this to make you feel better, this is completely my opinion: i don't think you did anything wrong. i think sometimes people just don't click. i know that the easiest thing to do is blame ourselves and convince ourselves that we did something "wrong" because then believe that we can fix it and work things out. but i'd argue that you did everything right, it just wasn't the right person and (this might sound way too gen z) the vibes just weren't it.

i guess what i would ask you is: are you in a rush to be in a relationship? is being in a relationship one of your top priorities? you mentioned that you're back at square one for dating apps. if a relationship is really what you're looking for atm, then i think the only advice i can give you is just stay optimistic, be yourself when texting and eventually you'll find someone who will vibe with you.

the other thing is, maybe dating apps aren't the right thing for you. i have tons of friends who have ended up deleting it because it's just not the right place for them to meet someone. the harsh reality of tinder, hinge & bumble is that a lot of people just want something casual - hookups, fwb, someone to talk to when their lonely, etc. i know you said that you're not super social but part of meeting someone, connecting and beginning to date requires putting yourself out there. maybe go out to a club with your friends and challenge yourself to talk to someone you find attractive. join a club if you're in university. sign up for a community centre class lol. go to a coffee shop regularly and strike up a conversation with someone who is always there at the same time as you. ask your friends if you could meet some of their friends.

i know it's hard but please don't let this hit your self confidence. anyone who has you in their life is a lucky one 💌

[ditzyanimebitch]

a message i'll never send but i've written a thousand times

Hey, this is my name. I know we haven’t talked in a long time and I don’t want you to read this and think I am trying to rekindle any friendship between us because I’m done with trying that, I think too much has happened and we are just two very different people. You don’t have to answer or even read this, I’m not even sure if I want you to or not. A memory from Vancouver came up and it made me reflect on some stuff and there was a lot of stuff I never got to say because I just wanted the conversation to be over at the time, also sorry this is long and mostly me rambling.

To start, I had never wanted to make a whole fuss of your birthday, honestly it was never something I ever intended for you to even see and I’m sorry about how it went down. My only intention at the time was to ask G if I had upset somebody because at the time it felt like everything I said in the groupchat was being ignored and despite trying to make plans with G for all of us to get together, multiple times, I was never being invited to anything anymore. So seeing all these posts of you celebrating together it made all my paranoia bubble up and I wanted to ask her cause I never wanted to try and guilt you or make you stress at all over your birthday because it wasn’t like I believed I was entitled to be invited or anything silly like that but I just felt like I may have done something that unintentionally hurt someone, and at the time I felt she was most likely to be straightforward with me. When I texted her I thought that you had all gone your separate ways and that she would be at home, after texting her I saw you were all still together and it made me feel really ganged up on because I could tell instead of talking to anyone one on one I was being talked down to by a group of people. I will admit I definitely could have phrased things better but at the time I was dealing with living completely on my own and just overall feeling very emotional and isolated. However I still do stand by my opinion that some things said to me were unwarranted and in some cases just downright mean spirited. I don’t have the messages anymore because they auto delete after a year, however I still remember some of that shit cause it sucked.

I get now that you had never really considered me a close friend which hurt at the time to find out because I had considered you one of my best friends. I had always really struggled to make friends and so when I got to high school and became friends with the group I felt so happy because I had finally found people that I thought wanted me around. I thought you were so sweet and kind and just a generally good person and so when I thought you considered me a friend it made me happy. Knowing that wasn’t true still sends me through a loop because I wonder if I just imagined it all, was I actually that annoying person that always managed to tag along, maybe or maybe not, maybe there was a point where you genuinely considered me a friend, I don’t know if I will ever know for sure. Regardless I thought we were close and yet everyone always forgot my birthday, the only wishes I ever got were if someone said it in a group chat and people followed suit. I know you think it’s its stupid, you’ve told me, I’ll always remember being told that “expecting anyone to remember to text me was too high an expectation” and “I was going to hurt my relationships in the future”, or “if I wanted anyone to remember I had to text them reminders to text me”. (That’s all still such a mindfuck to me, I have had to ask so many people if I was crazy over that because you made me feel like such a conceited person, general consensus was no I was not crazy and that was weird) It hurt though cause it felt this only happened to me, everyone else could have birthday parties and all the well wishes in the world, but I was stuck with a party people didn’t want to come to and any ones I tried to plan after never happened because everyone was always “busy”. In the end all I really wanted was to be remembered, at that point I would have traded 100 birthday parties for my friends to just feel happy I existed and remember me, unprompted. I know you think it’s dumb but you also have never had my experience, you have never had a birthday, home alone, where the only people that remember are your parents who call you halfway through the day, you haven’t waited up until midnight to see if anyone even remembered and no one did. I have lived that multiple times and it sucks, so it made me mad when you said it didn’t bother you because no shit, you’ve never experienced it, a couple people forgetting is different to almost every single person you consider important in your life forgetting every year. I know it's not a struggle competition but I had brought this up in Vancouver and it still baffles me because you all agreed it sucked, you said oh shit, that is really sucky of us, we are sorry, we will be better, but when nothing changed, I was deemed a bitch for getting a bit upset. I had always made sure to put that effort in for others because I didn’t want anyone to feel the way I did, so I kept everyone’s birthdays in my phone calendar so I would never forget and that way if everyone else did forget at least one person remembered. It’s embarrassing, but I cried when I took yours out because I thought I was being unnecessarily mean to you, even though it was something you would never even know about if I didn’t tell you. You told me I would have to remind you if I wanted you to remember which also makes me laugh because even when I reminded you of E's you still forgot, it is not too high an expectation to want your friends to love and care for you and to just remember the little details you find important. There will be many times in your life where you may not view something as important but someone you care for will and you will just have to swallow that pill and embrace and celebrate those things for them.

You said after Vancouver you thought I didn't like you, but the truth was I was just very apprehensive. I still very much considered you my friend but you had hurt my feelings badly, both my boyfriend and my mom were telling me I shouldn’t be friends with you anymore because I was just winding up hurt and they didn’t think you cared about me. But I was insistent on trying to mend things because you were important to me, I considered you one of my closest friends and I didn’t want to lose you over something so silly as a trip. When it came to G's birthday I begged and pleaded for my boyfriend to come with me because I wanted everyone to meet him, to try and continue to fix things but he wouldn’t come if you were going to be there. He felt it was unfair to my efforts to repair things if he came, he was still upset with you because he felt I never had a proper apology for what had happened and he was holding a grudge, he thought it might make things worse if he came and was inevitably cold to you while I was trying to be friends again. I’m not sure if you knew about that but for full honesty that is what happened that night.

When E came home last summer, you were extremely petty and just weird to me. It was my idea to get together, I asked her about it privately and she asked if I wanted you there or not and even then I said I did, I wasn’t necessarily trying to be friends again but I didn’t want to burn my bridges and wanted to be the bigger person, and at least be friendly with you. So I was the one that reached out, I tried planning it because I wanted to see my friend and maybe you wanted to see her too. You said nothing on it until I said I couldn’t do a specific time and then that was suddenly the time that worked perfect for you after you had literally said nothing this entire time. Which wtf, again this was something I was planning because I wanted to see my friend and I extended that opportunity to you and you were like thanks my name for doing this but I would prefer if you couldn’t come to your own get together like ok what’s your problem with me, last time I checked I hadn’t vetoed your opinion on what should have been a group decision and dismissed you from spending time together. I didn’t complain about the things you wanted to see and then spent our time at those places complaining at anything you looked at and instead dragging us to things I preferred. I didn’t turn your first kiss and getting together with your boyfriend into an inside joke with a guy I wasn’t even dating yet that you had never met, I didn’t then tell you that I had been mocking you with him (I never brought this up to you because it felt stupid but that was seriously messed up, like that is evil bully stuff from a bad movie). You don’t even like E that much and suddenly you were trying to disinvite me from my own plans to see her, to what? Get back at me for saying while I didn’t think I should be invited to everything it sucked to be pretty much ghosted for half a year?? Like if we are being honest, what horrible things did I do to you that made you, G, and A all cut me off like you did? And throughout the entire night you felt the need to talk all about the things the three of you had been doing together and making new plans without me in front of me. You made what was supposed to be a night to visit with E about getting some weird petty revenge on me. I felt so dumb for even trying to invite you, so when she came back the next time we just hung out as the two of us and I wish I did that in the first place. It sucks how this has impacted my friendships with G and A as well, when you are around they treat me very stiffly, but in the moments you weren’t around in August it was like nothing had changed and at that moment we were still the same friends we had all always been. I’m not going to spend my time trying to sustain a friendship like that though, I deserve better.

In the past there were days I just wanted to scream because in the end I lost three people I considered my closest friends over my own feelings being squashed on a trip and a text reaching out to ask what happened. I hadn't spread rumours about you or stolen your boyfriend, I didn't do anything to you besides feel hurt that you kept pushing me out of what was supposed to be a trip as a group of friends. Even when we left Vancouver I thought we had fixed things and that we would continue to be friends only to never hear from you after we got back and E left. You made me into this pariah of the friend group and then lashed out when I got upset and communicated my feelings poorly. You wrote me off so quickly. It broke my heart at the time, I wanted to say so many mean things but I won't, even if some are deserved.

Anyways I’m sorry for how things ended, I’ve asked myself if I had done things differently if we would still be friends and even then I don’t think we would be, I think something was always going to come up between us. It felt like you were starting to see me as beneath you and we just didn’t have aligning interests anymore. Someday I hope we can see each other, smile, and move on separately, but I don't think we can ever be friends and at this point I really don't want to. I’m not sure if you're curious about my life or not, but I am still with my boyfriend and am going to university in the fall for psych and hopefully law afterwards.

Also I’m sorry about your dog, she was a good girl.

this is just to vent cause this is my only platform where no one knows me, still i censored names where i noticed them but might have missed a few.

[sehodreamsthoughts]

lmaoo thank u baby i am completely normal though dw (no i am not)

also i didn’t wanna like double text but in response to what u posted about on ur main blog.. i’m glad ur not going to be tolerating hate, it pains me to see when ppl get shit on when they don’t deserve it whatsoever.. i was going to say in one of my previous messages too that entitled asks or anon hate almost always rub me the wrong way that the person sending them are a minor and if not, well they still shouldn’t be reading fics because that’s not appropriate behaviour… ik we’re writing n talking about some wild stuff but still… have some class.

i’ve been wanting to start my blog for a while but ppl are just so weird and/or judgmental on here (or in general irl) and so it just always deters me when i see ppl misbehaving lol… but i think if i did receive hate i would go about it as u do. block, and delete because i don’t want stuff like that preserved on my blog.. i understanding shaming ppl for their inappropriate asks but i think i would personally just not wanna give ppl a platform. i believe ppl send asks like that for attention too or because they get off on conflict.. weirdass behaviour.

so, long story short i support u and i’m so sorry u have received any negative asks at all because u don’t deserve that and ppl are awful, but u seem like a strong, smart person but still, u shouldn’t have to deal with that and i’m sorry that you’ve had to.

- 🥟 anon

"Strong smart person" baby I don't know about that since I'm totally a crybaby but thank you 😭🩷

To be honest when I just started my blog I did answer a couple of hate asks but then I was pretty weird out by them, like okay you don't like it then just block me???? And I totally think the same, the people sending useless hate asks are definitely kids or or people that get off to conflict, but my time (everyone's) is so precious I simply started ignoring and deleting. I don't particularly feel hurt by those messages since I know what I do doesn't hurt anyone in real life, I put tw and I'm careful to not trigger anyone so I feel I do enough for them 🤷‍♀️, if they don't want to read they don't have to, and if they do is not my problem at all so 🫏🫏🫏

I never blocked that much unless I really dislike the person, and I was honest when I said I didn't care who read my blog or not, but letting children do it is absolutely something I won't ever support, and blank blogs never were a big deal to me until I saw someone do a weird question in my comments that only could've been done by one so there's when I realized "oh, these could be underage..." and god, the idea of them reading my stuff just... No, it doesn't sit well with me at all 🤢

Thank you baby for supporting me tho 🩷, in the end I guess I also didn't care since I saw that there were other people like you that actually liked what I did so for me that was more than enough to just keep going.

Oh, and I still think you should make your blog but of course it's totally your own decision 😭, you should do what makes you feel comfortable in the end! In my case I started my blog just because I was bored and had done an Anton fic when the power was off in my district (third world country ✨), and then I just kept going??? 😭, I never gave it much thought to what having a blog would involve 💀. I've been a small blog for a long time, before at most I would receive one ask per week and talked to only one person in DMS (I still remember them even if they're not that much in Tumblr anymore). I never thought I would suddenly gain more followers one day? (Not like I have a million, but I appreciate the little I have) and even more I never expected to have met so many good people like my moots and my wife and anons like you that make me happy whenever I see my inbox, I guess I'm focused more on the positive side and that's also why I seem like kind of a pushover when I suggest you to have your blog but that's just me too so 😅👩‍🦯

[magicfoundmysilence]

To the boy who i'm to be a man

It’s a beautiful sunny day and I’m not smiling. Nor do I feel like smiling. I’m not wearing my ring, and I don’t feel bad about it. I don’t feel as though it’s needed.

I don’t think it will last, the visions of walking down the aisle to you are fading.  The visions of the kids running around and beautiful golden retriever I’ve always wanted are now dull like the afternoon light in a south facing apartment. It’s there but I can’t quite see it.

I thought if I should you, I was willing to drop it all you’d change your mind and maybe start to trust me; You’ve shown me that even if I give trust, I’ll won’t receive it back.

You treat me as though I’m your ex-girlfriends; sometimes I think you treat them better. You used to bring them flowers and buy them random gifts; I have to ask or make bets with you. You have done a lot for me, in the forms of buying me lunches when we went out. But $1000 dollars in lunches doesn’t add up to a $2000 watch.

The videos I send you showing love, the notes I’ve handwritten, the countless I love you’s. Going out of my comfort zone to please you.  That is stuff you can’t put a price on, but you are materialistic; you want things to brag to people about, look what she got me. If I stopped doing the small sentimental things you would know something is wrong, it’s just a matter of if you’d change your mind; I don’t think you will.

A relationship isn’t one sided, but you treat us selfishly. You say “You’re the best girlfriend I’ve ever had” but I don’t think you treat me like it. You treat me as though I’ll do what they did. My own trauma doesn’t come into your mind, your lack of empathy for me and my own experiences makes me weary.

I had a dream last night that you said I was worse than your other girlfriends. So, I left and were crying begging me to stay; I didn’t stay. I’m still trying to work out what it all meant, maybe it was mind telling me to get out. I want this to work; sometimes I think you don’t.

I’m not Maddie, I won’t let you stomp on me and beg for you back. I understand that I messed up by drinking too much. I took that blame and worse it like a think winter coat; it still haunts me. That’s why I haven’t argued back when you told (and tell me) your rules. But you keep adding them and I don’t get anything back.

I’ve gone through all my social platforms and gotten rid of everyone who I don’t talk to, everyone I met in town, all the randoms, everyone. You haven’t, you’ve half arsed it saying things like “I don’t have time” “I didn’t think about it” “I use to add random people to get to 1000 friends” except your not 15 anymore, you do have time I see it.

You’ve crossed my boundary with Lex so many times I’ve lost count. The first time we talked about it we agreed you wouldn’t message her you would be super blunt; you haven’t been. You said you’d tell me when you she messages you, but you haven’t. I found messages on your phone from when you first started in the academy saying, “good luck” “how was your first day” and you went into detail about how it went. You then sent her a message about one of her friends. You promised me you wouldn’t message her, promised me. And brushed it off because it was about “someone from work”.

If I had done this when a guy you would have lost your shit, but I didn’t. I kept my cool through all the failing to delete people, failing to ignore the one girl I’m super worried about. Failing to remove your single status on Facebook because “I don’t use Facebook” I’m not a retard, you just don’t want too. You would have lost your shit and it’s building up to a point where I can’t handle it anymore.

I don’t talk to anyone about our relationship because they would all tell me the same thing “dump him, he’s a dick.” And my parents wouldn’t be happy either. Please, please pull your head out of your arse and try to equalize this, because what was my 100% in has turned into a 60 and I don’t know how much longer I can stay.

Cause the bad is starting to out way the good.

I love you bubby, but please let’s work this out.

[in-all-ways-always]

8/7/23

Dear Love,

How are you? I’m doing good, the meds are helping. I haven’t had a clear mind ever in my life. Even though it’s made to help manage depression and anxiety, they said it has helped people with adhd. I’ve never had my adhd treated, I’ve struggled with it all my life. And for the first time in my life I can actually think and focus.

Wednesday will be a whole week of taking them, and they’ve helped a lot, I’m hopeful for once, optimistic. I look forward to seeing how much they help me in the future as time goes on. I have been feeling some of the side effects as the days have gone by. More and more I’ve not had an appetite, which I’m sure you know I am not mad about at all. It gives me energy, but not in a jittery anxious way. I feel more motivated to actually get up and do things. Where as before getting up just to throw something in the trash felt like a burden, even showering or brushing my teeth felt like a chore. I feel like I have a bit more patience now, I react to things that would set me off or annoy me differently. Which is very new, I mean, when I would be high I guess I’d react differently, in a more chill/whatever type of way. So maybe not so new.

The other side effects I’ve been feeling that I’m not thrilled about are the stomach pains, those are not fun. The nausea, I get slight headaches, my vision has worsened, and I break out into sudden sweats. I also have constipation problems with it, like I didn’t already have problems going to the bathroom. But I can deal with all of those things, they aren’t major issues that are stopping me from doing anything I need to do in my every day life.

I want so badly to talk to you, to see you. I miss you so much and I hope that you miss me just the same as I do you. I’m so tempted to go back to you and tell you I’m fine now, because the meds have me feeling better. But I know that there’s still so much work to be done with me in therapy, I can’t risk going back and ruining things between us for good. But I want you to know I am feeling better, i feel like a different person. I actually almost gave myself a panic attack the other night when I was sending voice messages to Gaby, I was listening to my messages and I couldn’t tell that it was me talking. I don’t know how else to explain it, other than I sound like a totally different person when I was talking to her, and telling her how I feel, and everything. Almost like to me, my voice sounds different. Idk, that’s just my opinion though. Maybe when you finally speak to me again you’ll notice a change.

My feelings haven’t changed for you. I still love you just the same as I did the last time we saw each other. I don’t cry anymore hardly. Things that I would breakdown crying so easily over, I don’t find myself on the verge of tears anymore. Although today I did cry when doing those NGL’s things on my close friends. Someone had asked if there was anyone that I missed, and it kinda hit me, and I broke down a little. I answered it and saw that you watched it. It I deleted it and felt like maybe it didn’t matter.

I wonder if you’ve found this blog yet and are reading what I write. Sometimes I wish that you’d drop hints that you read it, but then I’d think about it like how would he even know what hint to drop? Maybe my username? Idk, I see that you are wearing my necklace, I get happy each time that I see you wearing it in your stories. Like you’re letting me know you’re still waiting, you’re still there. That you’re keeping us, our future, alive.

I’m still unsure of the echo show, I want so badly to go. But I’m scared how you’ll treat me, I’m scared I’ll show up and see you with your arms wrapped around someone else. I won’t tell you, or hint to you that I’m going. I won’t even hint on here. Like you said, if I go, I go, and we’ll see what happens and not to let you know.

How’s your dad? Did he when his election? I hope he did, it would be stupid for anyone to vote for his opponent. The last you told me, it sounded like people were super supportive of him and like they were gonna vote for him. I hope that was the case. I hope your brother and Marley are good. I wonder sometimes if anyone knows me and you are on a break? I don’t tell anyone, other than Gaby, she’s really the only person I have that I can turn to for anything, all my problems. She’s always there when I need her.

If I’m being honest, I did those NGL’s things because I was hoping to hear from you somehow. That you’d write something that only me and you would know. I did feel like one of the questions I got may have been from you, and it was not a question I liked at all. The one about size and do I miss it. It’s something you’ve asked me in the past, and I really hope that’s not something you would ask me as you know I’m trying to get myself better. Don’t try to bring out the version of me that I’m trying to let go of.

I think about you every single day, you are always in my mind and in my heart. I carry you with me always, everywhere that I go. I miss you beyond this world, and I love you beyond time and space. You have my heart, and I am yours, in all ways, always.

I love you,

Your Mija

[huggingkoalas]

not sure if anyone even cares about this account anymore but here’s just an update on what’s been happening with me ever since i wrote the post above:

i’ve been feeling so lost angry, fustrated, sad, anxious, guilty, and scared these past few weeks. i’m feeling a mix of negative emotions that it’s affected me a lot, to the point where it’s affected my offline life too. the reason i’ve been feeling this way? it’s because of tumblr.

i don’t talk much about what happened with the whole lovingdeeply/v/a thing but it’s affected me a lot. i get VERY anxious whenever i receive asks. everytime i get an ask i can feel my heart beating faster and memories of lovingdeeply and other anons sending me negative asks appear in my mind.

and i still get those kinds of asks, even now. i’m not the kind of person that listens to people’s opinions about me but it’s... i dont know. i’ve learnt my lesson from back then and have deleted any negative asks asks and try to shrug them off but it’s really. fucking. hard.

it’s really fucking hard because it feels like i’ll never truly be forgiven for what i’ve done in the past. i’m so tired of trying to justify and explain myself that if people say shit about me i just accept it as ‘they’re probably right’ and it eats me up on the inside.

and honestly, i don’t feel safe on tumblr anymore.

i don’t know who i can trust, who i can talk to, that it’s come to the point where i’m beating myself up. these ‘trust issues’ have affected the relationships with so many people around me offline and offline that i’ve begun to push people away.

it still feels like people will only use me for their own personal gain. be it asking me for money, sex, attention, a listening ear, or something else, it’s like that’s the only reason why people have stuck with me.

and especially since i’m more of a ‘listener’ i’ve never felt like i could talk to anyone with my feelings and thoughts. that once they learn how horrible i am, they’ll look at me in disgust. everytime i try to talk about something that’s been bothering me it just gets... pushed away and they’ll continue talking about themselves.

is that all i am? a listening ear? a therapist? a ‘friend’?

i hate how much tumblr’s affected my personal life. as much as i want to deactivate this fucking account i have countless fics and people i’ve talked to here that have made me feel happy.

so i don’t know. i hope time heals my wounds. i hope i can just be... appreciated and listened to without interruptions. just once, i guess. this is probably emo as fuck but i wish someone knew and understood the real me.

not really in a good mental headspace rn, i’ll reply to asks and dms when i’m feeling better, tysm for understanding <3