#I’m just debating whether that’s the right choice and trying to figure out what that would Practically mean

[exopelagic]

I have to email potential supervisor like now and it’s terrifying how are you meant to decide what you want to do

[lascvitae]

❀ ༉ ‧ ₊ ˚ WANNA MAKE YOU MINE²

♯┆ karina pulls y/n deeper into her world, and even though y/n knows she should be careful, it's already too late. she’s falling hard and fast. and honestly? she already did.

part one. part two. part three.

pairing. karina x fem!reader genre. strangers to lovers, fluff, suggestive!!, goodness karina wants you so bad warning(s). making out, (lots of it actually) cursing, underage drinking, scream mentioned 🤓☝️ karina showing her true colors, karina teases you literally like throughout the entire chapter, she’s possessive and obsessive but you like it :shrug:

word count: 11k

❝baby, don’t be scared, want you everywhere

catch you if i fall, i mean it.❞

── ⟢ ・⸝⸝ katty ᥫ᭡: lawd.🧎‍♀️

masterlist.

minjeong didn’t look at you. she just stared ahead, eyes blank and teary, like her mind was somewhere else. 

you swallowed, chest tight. “i’m sorry. you didn’t deserve this.”

she let out another bitter laugh. “yeah, well. i did it to myself. didn’t i?”

“no. you didn’t. you had a crush. you were in love and you trusted someone with that.”

minjeong’s bottom lip wobbled, and her eyes squeezed shut like she was trying to hold everything in.

“why would jiwon do it?” you muttered. 

minjeong’s jaw clenched. “i don’t know.“

you turned toward her, your voice quieter now. “how long were you in love with her?”

minjeong didn’t answer right away. just curled her fingers tighter into her sleeves.

“too long. i was stupid. especially after i saw what she did to yujin.”

your eyebrows furrowed. 

“shit—“

“who’s that?”

“i— she’s— i’ll just let karina tell you.“ she sniffled. 

you bit your lip nervously before nodding slowly and curiously. “does jiwon know you’re here?”

another long silence.

then minjeong shook her head. “i don’t think she cares.”

it made your heart ache. because whatever happened between them, jiwon had a choice.

“i’m gonna fix this.” you said.

minjeong gave you a tired look. “how?”

you didn’t know yet.

  ───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

you didn’t know where else to look.

after hearing minjeong crying in the stairway, you needed jiwon. you needed her to look you in the eye and tell you it wasn’t true. that she didn’t hand over minjeong’s secret like it was nothing. so you ended up at the counselor’s office.

you told yourself that maybe jiwon was here. maybe the guilt pushed her into one of the chairs or forced her to ask the counselor for help. but when you opened the door the office was empty.

you sat down on the fake leather couch. it squeaked under you, and you just sat there. 

you stared at the wall with that dumb motivational cat poster. the one that said hang in there.

and then the door opened.

you didn’t look up. didn’t need to. you already knew who it was.

karina closed the door behind her. she stood for a second. as if she was debating whether to speak or just look at you.

“i figured you’d be here.” she said eventually.

you didn’t respond. she stepped further inside.

“you shouldn’t have run off like that.”

“sorry, i didn’t realize i needed your permission to walk away.” you scoffed. 

“don’t say it like that.”

“can you just… leave me alone? you knew this would happen. and you didn’t stop it.”

karina stayed quiet for a while. “but i didn’t cause it.”

you let out a bitter laugh. “no. you just sat back and let it happen.”

“she told jiwon and jiwon told someone else. that’s not my fault.”

“but you knew, karina. you knew it would blow up like this. and you let it.”

“no i didn’t.” she protested. “how was i supposed to know that she’d anonymously send in a tip on ning’s page? it isn’t my fault that jiwon betrayed her.”

her words stung you. 

‘it wasn’t my fault that jiwon betrayed her.’

‘jiwon betrayed her.’

when the words finally settled, karina was standing right in front of you. 

“it isn’t my job to clean up someone else’s mistake.” she continued. “you don’t get to stand here and act like i’m the bad guy. i didn’t sell minjeong out. jiwon did.”

“but you could’ve protected her.” you whispered.

“from what? the effect of her best friend’s actions? i told you. that isn’t my job.”

you winced at her tone. 

“leave me alone, karina.”

you looked up at her as she stayed silent. then she stepped back. 

“stop looking at me like that and maybe i will.”

and there it was. 

you locked eyes with her and even though you were upset with her, it was like you were entranced. again. 

you didn’t know what to believe. 

“i didn’t care about minjeong’s secret. i cared about what it would do to you.”

you stayed silent. 

karina stepped closer. “if i had said something, it still would’ve gotten out. and then you would’ve been right in the middle of it. i didn’t want that.”

“so you just let minjeong burn instead?”

“i would’ve let the whole school burn if it meant keeping you out of it.” the words hit you hard.

“you don’t mean that.”

“i do.” 

“i care about you. i care when you cry. when you walk away from me. when you disappear without saying anything.”

“that’s not caring, karina. that’s control.” you shook your head.

“maybe. but it’s still real.”

you didn’t know what to say. so you reached out for her. 

hell. you didn’t know why you did it.

maybe it was because you were tired of running from the pull she had on you. but you leaned in. 

not all the way.

not enough to say i forgive you or this is okay now.

but enough to feel her warmth. 

you didn’t look at her. 

“i hate that you always make it feel like it’s just us. like the rest of the world doesn’t matter.”

“because it doesn’t. not when it comes to you.” she said instantly. 

you winced. not because she said it but because you believed her.

her hand hovered between you two, not touching you. you let your fingers slide toward hers. just enough for them to meet.

when they did, she caught them softly. you looked at her then.

karina’s voice softened. “you’re not like the rest of them. and i… don’t like sharing things that matter.”

you knew what she meant. you knew she was talking about you.

you leaned into her shoulder. it wasn’t because you forgave now, but because you wanted to. and maybe that was worse. she didn’t say anything, she just let it happen. let you rest against her like she was waiting for it.

you couldn’t help but feel like you fell right into her trap. 

karina’s house always felt like it was trying too hard not to be a house. it was always too clean. but tonight, there was something different about it. 

the low hum of music from ning’s bluetooth speaker and the scent of popcorn filled the air, accompanied by her candy perfume. 

you were sitting on the edge of her velvet couch now, tucked into a cushion with a blanket karina tossed over you. your fingers gripped a cold glass of something sparkling and pink, courtesy of ning. 

aeri claimed the armchair, legs folded up with her hoodie zipped halfway as she scrolled through her phone. ning was sprawled out on the floor, face down in her phone beside a half empty bowl of popcorn.

karina sat close as she always did. her thigh pressed against yours, arm draped along the arm of the couch behind you. you could feel her fingertips brushing your shoulder every now and then. 

“anyway. i still can’t believe jiwon actually cracked. like damn. she really folded under pressure, huh?” ning started, voice casual in a way that meant she was about to say something dangerous. you didn’t say anything. just stared into your drink.

karina shifted beside you. “ning.”

“what? i’m just saying. i expected better. that girl keeps secrets like it’s her job.”

“she made a mistake.” karina said. 

“did she?” ning placed a gummy bear into her mouth before chewing lazily.

“kinda seems like she knew exactly what she was doing.”

“okay but that doesn’t mean you needed to go full tmz at lunch. you nuked our table.” aeri chimed in without looking up.

“and yet, no one one got up until y/n did.” ning said, eyes flicking toward you. the silence that followed made your ears ring. your throat tightened.

karina’s thumb found your knee, rubbing slow and soothing circles. “can you not?”

“i’m just observing. she’s here now, isn’t she? you’re welcome, by the way.” ning said. karina tensed next to you.

“maybe now you’ll finally chill out. stop staring at her like you’re crazy.” ning teased. 

“shut up.” karina said. it hit like a brick.

you felt it. the shift. the change in karina’s tone when someone crossed a line, even if it was someone she considered a friend.

“relax. you’re so sensitive when she’s around. it’s kinda cute.” ning said.

“i’m tired.” you said.

“you wanna go upstairs?” karina turned to you immediately. 

you stared at her.

“we don’t have to stay down here.“

“yeah. upstairs, please?”

she was on her feet before you could even set your glass down. her hand found yours again and you followed her out of the room without a glance behind you.

she didn’t say anything until you reached the stairs. “i didn’t want you to feel like this.” she mumbled.

you looked over and her eyes were already on you. she was concerned.  her gaze was protective in a way that felt way too intense for someone you’d only just gotten close to.

“i’m okay.” you lied.

“you’re not.” she said. and her hand squeezed yours. “but you will be.”

her room door opened with a click. you stepped inside first. you hovered near the doorway, unsure of what to do with your hands.

karina crossed the room and sat at the edge of her bed, kicking off her shoes without a word. she pat the space next to her but didn’t look at you.

you sat. not too close. but not too far either. and for a while, neither of you said anything. just sitting in the quiet. 

karina turned toward you slightly. “are you mad at me?”

you didn’t look at her. just stared at the soft curve of the candle’s flame. “i don’t know.”

“you have every right to be.” silence again. “i don't care if anyone else leaves. but not you.”

you turned toward her, heart pounding. “why would i leave?” she stayed silent. 

karina leaned back on her hands, eyes focused on the ceiling. “because i scared you.”

“what?” she finally looked at you. 

“i didn’t want you to think that i was controlling. or obsessive. you’re the only thing i’ve wanted in a long time that actually makes me feel something. and i was scared that if i pushed too hard, you’d run.”

your breath caught. your chest felt full and tight and warm at the same time. “i wouldn’t.” you said. 

karina gave you a laugh that was devoid of any humor. “you say that now.”

“i mean it.”

she looked down. her fingers curled slightly as if she was resisting the urge to reach out for you. “then tell me not to hold back.”

“what?”

“if you want me to stop, i’ll stop. but if you don’t…” she finally looked at you again.

“i won’t hold back anymore.” you were suddenly aware of how close you were. you could feel the heat radiating off her skin.

you stayed silent for a moment. “you scare me sometimes.”

karina wasn’t offended. if anything, she was curious. “why?”

“because you always know what you want. and you always get it.”

“that scares you?” a slow smile found it’s way onto her lips. 

“no. what scares me is that i think i want to be yours.” you could feel the air change.

karina leaned in, forehead pressed to yours. “you already are.” then she kissed you.

it was slow. her hand slid to your back, pulling you in. your fingers caressed her hair, her cheek, then her jaw. you memorized the way her breath hitched when you parted your lips for her. you pulled away to catch your breath. but only for a bit. 

karina’s lips found yours again. it was like she was memorizing the shape of your mouth and the taste of your breath. you didn’t mean to pull her closer. you didn’t mean to sigh against her lips, or let your hands twist in the material of her hoodie. you didn’t mean to pull her down with you as you leaned back. 

but she came willingly, moving with you until she was leaning over you, one hand beside your head and the other still at your back. she kissed you like she was starving. like she was holding back for weeks and finally let herself go. and god, you let her.

you leaned into her, melted into her. you let her kiss you like she owned the moment. because she did. her lips parted just enough to whisper. “you have no idea what you do to me.” your breath caught.

and then—

“HELLO?!?” you both froze.

“okay, wow. i knew it! i told aeri it was happening! pay up, bitch!” ning’s voice echoed from the doorway.  karina groaned into your shoulder as you jumped back like you were caught committing a crime. 

“ning— what the hell?!”

“oh, don’t ning me. i knocked. twice.” she leaned against the doorframe with zero shame.

“anyway. aeri’s making some strawberry lemonade cocktails and i came to get you before she mixes them with that expired peach vodka again.”

again?

you looked at karina, who looked more annoyed than embarrassed. and then ning disappeared. karina sighed, dragging a hand through her hair. 

you were still catching your breath, staring at the door that ning had just came through. “should we go down?” you asked eventually.

karina leaned in one last time, brushing her lips against your cheek. “in a minute.”

“hurry up! i want to toast to the sexual tension finally bursting!” you heard ning yell. 

karina groaned. 

  ───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

karina’s grip on you didn’t even loosen up once on the walk down. you stepped into the kitchen and were immediately hit by the scent of strawberries, citrus, and something that smelled dangerous.

“okay. i don’t know what to call this one yet, but it’s mostly lemonade and like, strawberry puree… and then like, a splash of evil.” aeri said while standing at the counter.  “define ‘splash.’” karina said, eyeing the bottle of vodka on the counter that looked more than half empty.

“i’m not a math prodigy. want some?” aeri shrugged. 

“absolutely not.” karina said, but ning was already pouring some into plastic cups for you. one of them was immediately put into your hand.

“cheers to tension relief! and karina’s face when i walked in.” ning said dramatically.

“i will murder you.” karina mumbled.

“i’m not judging! karina’s been like, clinically obsessed with you since day one. it’s honestly a relief that she finally acted on it.” you took a sip.

it was surprisingly good. it had just enough burn at the end to remind you that this was probably a very bad idea. “so are we gonna pretend that i didn’t clock the way karina was looking at y/n two weeks ago?” aeri said, sitting on the barstool. 

“are we finally past the mutual pining stage?” you nearly choked on your drink.

“we’re not past anything. we’re right in the middle of it.” karina said. that shut everyone up for a second.

“that was kinda hot.” ning giggled for you. you tried to hide your face behind your cup but karina pulled it down, locking eyes with you.

“none of that.” she said in a voice that only you could hear. you swallowed hard. something that you did a lot around her. 

“okay. this is where we toast, guys. you left me hanging.” ning rolled her eyes. you all raised your cups and for a moment it felt weirdly… normal. the tension turned into laughter, sarcasm, and increasingly dangerous drinks. karina stayed close the whole time.

you let her. you weren’t scared anymore. you were curious how much deeper this could go. and somehow, you ended up on karina’s balcony. 

one of them, at least. 

it was quieter out here. the sliding door clicked shut behind you and karina stepped onto the balcony right after you. the breeze was cool against your skin, courtesy of the ocean not too far away. 

your head was light and everything felt slower. it was quiet if you ignored the faint noise of playboi carti playing through ning’s bluetooth speaker. 

she finally spoke. “i hated that ning walked in.”

“yeah. i noticed.”

“i’m serious. i waited so long to kiss you like that. i wasn’t done.” she said in a lower voice than usual. her words were a little less accurate. you turned to meet her gaze. 

“i think you made your point.” you said quietly.

“did i?” she mumbled, tilting her head. 

“because i don’t want there to be any confusion. not with you.” her fingers brushed against yours on the railing as a reminder. 

“i like you. in the i can’t stop thinking about you kinda way. maybe i’ve done it all in the wrong order or came on too strong, but i’m not pretending.” your heart did something weird at her words. 

“i don’t want to pretend either.” you said. karina’s arm brushed against yours again. you could feel her sigh before you heard it.

“i don’t usually say shit like that. like, i never say shit like that. but with you, i can’t not.” she admit in a slurred voice. you turned your face toward her, and she was already looking at you. 

“stay tonight.”

you nodded. maybe it was the drinks. or honestly just karina. but staying felt like the only right answer.

the first thing you felt was warmth of a blanket. then the consequences of last night. karina’s scent still lingered on your skin. it was expensive and addictive. 

you stirred, stretching slightly before rolling onto your back. the spot beside you was empty, but it was still warm. you blinked slowly so that your eyes could adjust to the light slipping in from the slightly cracked bathroom door. that shit was huge. 

but when you looked inside, you nearly forgot how to breathe.

karina stood in front of the mirror, pulling her damp hair into a high, effortless ponytail. her outfit made you sit up.

it was a black cropped tank top paired with a skirt. just tight enough to show off the slope of her waist. she had on the silver rings she always wore with her sunglasses pushed in her hair. and her back was to you. that was when you saw it.

the spine tattoo.

black ink ran straight down her back. you couldn’t read it from here, but it looked like something elegant and sharp. just like her. 

it curved perfectly with the shape of her body, disappearing under the hem of her top. it was hot. unfair. 

she bent slightly to grab her lip balm off the sink and you caught yourself staring so hard you forgot how to blink. karina caught your reflection in the mirror.

“you’re awake. did you sleep okay?” you cleared your throat, dragging your eyes away from her back like you weren’t just hypnotized.

“didn’t think your bed would be so soft.”

“you drooled on me. that’s how soft it was.” karina smirked and turned slightly toward you. you groaned and dragged a pillow over your face.

“don’t say that to me right now.” she laughed quietly. 

“i made you tea. it’s probably not warm anymore now but it’s the thought.” she spoke. you peeked over the pillow to admire her. 

“thanks.” karina walked over to you and sat on the edge of the bed, reaching to caress your cheek with her thumb. 

“you looked so peaceful. i didn’t want to wake you.”

“you could’ve.” you mumbled.

“next time.” she responded. there would be a next time. you continued to stare at her. 

“what?” she asked, lips curving at your attention. 

“you have a spine tattoo.” you said.

“yeah.”

“for how long?”

“for a while.”

“you never said anything.”

“you never asked.” she said, slipping her jacket on slowly and hiding the ink from your view. it was a simple line, but it held so much weight. what else was she hiding from you? you sat up slowly, pulling the blanket up with you. “where’s aeri and ning?”

“alive.” karina smiled. 

“that’s good.” you replied. 

“i guess.” she stood again and grabbed her lip balm from the organizer, applying it in the mirror. “they’re texting like they’re stranded in the sahara.”

“we’re going out by the way.”

“out?”

“yeah. brunch. or lunch. something along the lines. ning just wants to eat.”

“and you? what do you want?” you smiled, pulling your knees up to your chest. karina tilted her head, giving you that look. the one that always made you forget how to breathe. “i want you with me.” she said simply.

it was crazy how one sentence from her could make your whole body feel like a firework. “okay.” you whispered.

she walked back over and leaned down, pressing a kiss to your temple. “take your time. i’ll wait.”

but all you could think about was that tattoo. and how bad you wanted to trace it with your fingers. you were going to ask about it again later. when it was just the two of you and no jacket in the way.

───────── ౨ৎ─────────

the doors of karina’s car swung open like a reveal scene in a drama. it was the kind of car that made people look twice. karina stepped out first with her sunglasses on. then aeri, stretching a little with an eye roll. then ning, dramatically fluffing her hair like she was getting her picture taken. 

then finally, you.

karina was there in time to help you out, her fingers wrapping around your hand before you could even close the door behind you. “keep holding my hand. i like when people see it.” she said under her breath, lips brushing your ear.

“see what?”

“that you’re mine.”

you walked past a group of college guys who clearly noticed her, then did a double take when they saw your hand in hers. karina didn’t react. she just tilted her chin slightly and pulled you closer. “i don’t like how he looked at you.” she said flatly.

“i think he was looking at you, karina.”

“exactly. and then he looked at you like he thought he had a chance.” 

you laughed. “you’re insane.”

she just smiled like it was a compliment.

and the second you stepped into the store, it was like something changed.

it was all because karina had entered.

it was like everyone noticed her at once. the store wasn’t even that packed, but heads still turned. people’s eyes drifted from clothes to the tall, sharp featured girl who walked like she didn’t need to try. the world just shaped itself around her.

karina wore that black cropped tank top that was still tight and unfair. the silver belt made it look like it was made to show off her waist.

you didn’t notice the way you fell in step beside her until aeri leaned in.

“everyone’s staring. it’s like walking next to an off duty model.”

“off duty? karina hasn’t clocked out since birth.”

karina didn’t care about the compliments. she was too busy scanning the racks like she had a mission. and that mission, apparently, was you.

you didn’t even get to touch a single hanger.

“oh— welcome back miss yu.” a worker said, already straightening up.

“we’ll bring you both something to sip on.”

your eyes widened. “we get drinks?”

“it’s karina. you could get a couch in here if you asked nicely.” ning said from behind you.

karina turned around with a red dress dangling from her finger.

“try this on. she said, it wasn’t up for debate. 

“you didn’t even check the size—”

“i looked at you.” karina tilted her head. 

“what if it doesn’t even fit?” you said, cheeks warming up already.

“then we buy you the size that does.” she replied as if it was obvious.

“karina—”

“baby. i already made up my mind. this one’s yours.” she said and you swore your soul left your body for a moment. 

“fine. but if i try something, you do too.” you mumbled.

“me?” karina raised a brow. 

“yeah. fair’s fair.”

she stepped closer. “you just wanna see me undress.”

you choked. “no— i mean—”

“then say that, sweetheart.” karina smirked, taking a corset top and black skirt from the rack like she was humoring you. 

you were in the dressing room, staring at yourself in the mirror with a dress so tight it was almost suffocating. it was red, strapless, and it clung to every curve you didn’t know you had. 

your thoughts were a mess.

“karina, this is insane.” you called through the curtain.

“does it fit?” she replied. 

“that’s not the issue!”

“then it’s perfect.”

you cracked the door open. “your turn.”

karina took the corset top and matching skirt from aeri. she disappeared into the stall next to you without even glancing back.

you tried not to listen. you really did.

but you could hear the rustle of fabric. and the sharp slide of the curtain.

and then—

“y/n.” her voice called. 

“i need help with the zipper.”

you froze.

aeri and ning had wandered off somewhere to look at outfits.

so it was just you.

you stepped out of your stall, heart pounding in your chest. “you’re serious?”

“wouldn’t ask if i wasn’t.”

you pulled her curtain aside.

and your brain? it stopped working. 

karina stood in front of the mirror in a black corset top that hugged her waist and the skirt hugged low on her hips. she was too hot for you. and your heart. 

just beneath one of the ribs in her top you saw something peeking out. 

it was a another tattoo. 

not the spine one. not the collarbone one.

this one sat just under her chest, printed in fine black ink. it was unreadable but unfair.

your breath hitched.

“zip?” she asked half turned, watching you through the mirror.

you nodded stupidly, stepping in.

your fingers brushed the bare skin of her back as you carefully zipped her up.

“how many tattoos do you have?” your voice was barely above a whisper.

“three so far.”

your eyes glanced at the ink again. “this one’s older?”

“mhm. older than them all.”

your gaze met hers in the mirror.

your body temperature was suddenly too warm.

“your hands are shaking.” she said in a teasing tone.

“because you’re hot!” you blurted.

karina laughed before biting her lip. like she wasn’t currently ruining your ability to form a coherent thought.

she turned to face you fully with that teasing gaze still in her eyes. her voice was low. “so you admit it.”

“karina—”

“i’m buying this. and yours.”

“i haven’t even decided if i’m getting mine—”

karina stepped in until your space was hers. her hand came up, tilting your chin up until your eyes met hers.

“if you won’t wear it for you, then wear it for me.” she murmured. 

“i like seeing you in things i picked out. is that so bad?”

you were helpless. and breathless.

it didn’t feel like just spoiling.

it felt like claiming.

“that’s not fair.” you whispered.

she smiled. like she already won.

“you didn’t answer.” she added.

“answer what?”

“do i look good?”

you didn’t even pretend to play it cool.

“you look… insane.” you said in a dazed tone.

karina smirked.

her hand dropped to your shoulder, fingers brushing lightly as she fixed the strap of your dress. it was so gentle that it made your stomach flip.

“you two better not be making out in there!” ning’s voice rang out from somewhere near the jewelry.

karina smiled. 

“not yet.” she replied, eyes never leaving yours.

your knees genuinely almost buckled.

karina stepped back, finally giving you room to breathe. but the heat she left behind lingered on you. your hands were still trembling as you retreated to your own stall, trying to steady your pulse and ignore the flush creeping on your skin.

you somehow managed to change back into your clothes, and the red dress draped carefully over your arm like it was made of glass.

when you stepped out karina was already waiting. she was back in her black tank top and skirt, with her phone in one hand. she looked like she owned the store. she probably did.

you opened your mouth to say something just when ning came skipping around the corner with a glass of champagne in her hand and a pair of sunglasses that were definitely not hers.

“are you two done eye fucking in the fitting rooms or should i grab another drink?” she asked, taking a sip.

“it was one sided.” karina was unphased. as usual. 

“it was not.” you hissed.

“awh! i love mutual delusion!” ning cooed.

aeri was behind her, holding three bags and a pair of stilettos that looked legally dangerous. “i’m ready.”

karina took both your dress and her outfit, slinging them over her arm.

the four of you strolled toward the register and the moment the cashier saw karina, her expression shifted from professional to terrified to mess up. like she already knew who she was.

“put it on my account,” karina said before the girl could even speak.

“you have an account here?” ning asked. 

karina raised a brow. “don’t you?”

“no!”

you stood there, trying not to look out of place in a store where a single price tag could probably pay your rent. meanwhile, karina was taking black card out like it was nothing.

“did you want the jewelry as well?” the cashier asked politely, gesturing to a small tray of necklaces and rings karina had set down.

karina didn’t even glance at it. “all of it.”

your eyes widened. “wait—”

“let me.” karina said without looking at you.

you went quiet. you were stunned. and maybe just a little bit turned on.

the cashier handed karina the shopping bags with both of your outfits folded neatly inside, along with the jewelry in a smaller velvet pouch.

karina handed the pouch straight to you.

you stared.

“they’ll look better on you.” she said.

and then she walked off, sunglasses finally down over her eyes like she didn’t just buy you an outfit and jewelry without blinking.

   ───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

“this is the last one,” ning groaned dragging her feet. 

“i’m begging. starving. withering away.”

“you had champagne in the last three stores.” aeri reminded her, adjusting the stack of bags in her arms.

“champagne isn’t food. it’s a coping mechanism.” ning snapped.

“you had two glasses. in every store.”

“you’re not helping, babe.”

the four of you stepped into the final store. it was so clean and so quiet that it felt like even breathing too loud would cost money. 

the employees were all beautiful and you were pretty sure you saw someone famous just casually browsing.

karina’s hand was already on the small of your back, steering you toward a rack of dresses.

“you’ll like these.” she mumbled, and she was right.

you glanced over your shoulder. ning had already zeroed in on the drink tray being passed around and grabbed a flute without even asking. aeri followed with no hesitation, sipping something sparkling while fully making eye contact with the most anxious employee nearby.

you, on the other hand, were kind of overwhelmed.

“karina. this is… insane.” you whispered.

“mm. try it on.” she said, grabbing a dress off the rack and holding it against you like she could already picture it.

you hesitated. “you’re not trying anything?”

“i’m not the one getting spoiled today.”

your face heated up. she said it so casually like you weren’t already fighting for your life every time she looked at you.

you disappeared into the dressing room before your knees gave out. and you didn’t notice her grab another dress. 

the one she picked was black and silky. you’d barely finished zipping it when she called out softly.

“let me see.”

you cracked the door and peeked out.

karina was leaning against the wall across from you with her hands in her pockets, and it made your stomach do a thing. the look she gave you could’ve killed a victorian child.

“turn.” she said.

you did. slowly.

she tilted her head, biting back a smile. 

“walk.”

“karina—”

“please?”

god. 

you did. a few steps back and forth, pretending you weren’t walking straight into your downfall.

“what do you think?” you asked, trying to sound unaffected.

karina stepped forward. “it’s not the dress that i’m looking at.”

you were already flushed, ducking back inside. you were halfway into the second dress when you heard the voice behind you.

“need help zipping?” she asked lowly.

you almost died.

you turned to look at her just as karina slipped inside your dressing room like it was nothing.

“you—” you started, clearly panicked.

but she was already behind you, fingers brushing your spine carefully. 

her voice was soft. “relax.”

you didn’t.

her hands ghosted up your back before adjusting the fabric with a precision that made you shiver. she wasn’t just zipping you up. she was watching. your every breath, your every twitch, and every timesucked in too sharply.

“you really like watching me suffer, don’t you?” you whispered.

“no. i like watching you fall.” she leaned in.

“fall for what?”

her smile curved against your skin. “you’ll see.”

the door creaked open suddenly.

“okay, i know you’re in there again—“ ning’s voice called out.

you jumped.

karina, who was unbothered, responded. 

“we’re almost done.”

“you said that at the last store.”

aeri was sipping again, arms full of designer bags. “ning’s gonna start eating the mannequins.”

“i am!” ning shouted.

you stepped out finally, still struggling.

you watched karina’s expression shift from relaxed to focused. then focused to something darker and hungrier.

she was just staring. “you’re gonna kill me.” she said quietly.

your throat tightened. “it’s the dress, right?”

“no. it’s you in the dress.” she said.

you swallowed.

“you… can’t wear that around people.” she said, voice low.

“why not?”

“because i’m not trying to go to jail.”

“oh my god.” ning said.

karina looked at the nearest employee. “we’ll take this one.” the employee practically bowed. “we’ll wrap it for you.”

when you made it to the counter the cashier smiled, probably thinking you were just another couple with money to burn. but karina didn’t smile back. 

she handed over her black card like it meant nothing again, eyes lazily looking between you and the total on the screen.

ning leaned over from behind and stage whispered loud enough for the whole line to hear. 

“she was moaning over the price tag earlier but not when karina was practically eating her in the dressing room.”

your soul left your body.

the cashier stared. aeri choked on her gum. karina just smirked.

“oh my god. ning.” you hissed.

“what? i’m just saying. karina spends and y/n bends.”

“stop talking.” you begged, face already ten shades of red.

karina grabbed the bagged clothes with one hand then handed it to aeri.

“let her talk. she’s not wrong.” she murmured near your ear. 

you nearly died on the spot.

   ───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

the brunch spot was the kind of place you only visited to take pictures in.

aeri ordered like she’d been here before. 

ning ordered like she owned the place.

“and three mimosas. just to start.”

two were for her. 

karina didn’t even look at the menu. she looked at you.

“get whatever you want.” she said softly, making you fold instantly.

you were still recovering from the dressing room.

and the walk here. where she held your waist the whole time and dared anyone to look at you too long.

you were just starting to feel normal again, laughing at aeri complaining about her mimosa and taking a bite of ning’s food without asking when your phone buzzed.

jiwon

hey. you should know something before school tomorrow.

your stomach dropped.

there no context. no follow-up.

just that.

your fingers hovered over your screen for a second before you typed fast.

you  

what are you talking about?

you stared at your phone. 

you didn’t realize your expression shifted until karina nudged you with her foot under the table.

“you okay?” she asked.

you nodded too quickly. “yeah. just— just got a weird text.”

karina didn’t press. she already knew that something was off. 

you opened up your text with minjeong. 

you

minjeong

jiwon texted me 

[one attachment]

your appetite disappeared.

“you sure you’re good?” aeri asked.

“yeah.” you lied, setting your phone face down.

they continued to talk and laugh.

but your chest felt tight.

you tried to stay present.

you really did.

but the second you flipped your phone down, the energy shifted for you. your mind kept spinning. what did jiwon mean? why now? and why send that kind of text without explaining?

karina didn’t take her eyes off you once since you read it.

“you sure?” she asked again, quieter this time.

you nodded, managing a weak smile. 

“mhm. promise.”

but your knee was bouncing under the table and karina clocked it immediately.

she leaned back just, draping along the back of the booth behind you. her thumb grazed the top of your shoulder.

it was subtle and protective.

she didn’t touched her food much. she was too busy watching you.

your phone buzzed again.

you didn’t dare to look. not with karina watching. not with her sitting so close.

but she was mid sentence. anxiety was eating you out from the inside and it made you hopeful. 

so you flipped your phone over. subtly. 

jiwon

i never sent anything in anonymously. that wasn’t me.

your heart dropped.

karina was still mid-sentence, but her eyes cut to your screen for a second.

just one second.

you angled it away instinctively.

but it was too late.

“everything okay?” she asked in a soft voice. but there was something sharper under it now. you couldn’t name what it was.

you forced a smile.

“yeah. just… texting minjeong.”

she tilted her head and the corner of her mouth twitched upward. “minjeong?”

you nodded, thumbs already typing out a quick message before you could stop yourself.

you

minjeonggggg

i need you

the moment it delivered, karina leaned over and gently kissed your temple.

“be right back.” she murmured.

“where are you going?” you asked, trying to keep your tone even.

“bathroom.” she didn’t wait for you to respond. just turned and walked off with the same effortless grace that made everyone stop and stare.

you stared down at your screen. it was still unread.

“she’s gonna find out, you know.” ning said suddenly. 

your head snapped up. “what?”

“whatever it is. karina’s not stupid. if anything, i’d say she knows everything.” aeri sipped her mimosa.

“you’re acting like i’m hiding something.”

“we’re just saying. karina doesn’t miss much.” ning sang.

“plus she already saw your screen.” aeri added.

“you might as well just tell her before she finds out on her own. she’ll like it better.”

you weren’t sure if it was a warning or advice.

maybe it was both. 

but then you remembered the message.

jiwon’s message.

“i never sent anything in anonymously.”

that meant someone else had. someone who knew.

your stomach twisted.

and before you could talk yourself out of it, you typed to jiwon.

you

who is yujin?

you barely had time to process the weight of what you just sent when you saw the text wasn’t delivered.

blocked.

you stared with cold blooming in your chest.

karina returned a few seconds later, sliding back into her seat like nothing happened. her hand brushed your thigh beneath the table.

“you okay?” she asked, smiling.

and you smiled back.

but you had no idea if it reached your eyes.

the car ride back was thick with silence.

it was too quiet. 

aeri and ning had stayed behind for dessert. it was something about a mochi place that was trending on instagram, but ning reassured the two of you that her ‘lil shit’ would pick them up. 

karina drove with one hand on the wheel and the other resting idly on the center console like nothing was wrong. 

like she hadn’t seen the name yujin flicker across your screen.

you haven’t said anything since. but it was eating at you. the silence. the question. the fact that jiwon blocked you the second you texted.

you looked over at karina, voice lower than you meant. “who’s yujin?”

she didn’t even blink.

her mouth curved, but it wasn’t a smile. it was something quieter.

a knowing kind of tilt.

“i figured you’d get there eventually.” she said softly.

your throat tightened. “so?”

karina turned to look at you briefly. her tone was gentle.

“don’t worry about it, princess.”

the car hummed.

you stared at her, but she didn’t elaborate.

it felt like a promise.

when she pulled up in front of your place, she didn’t say goodbye. she just looked at you.

“i’ll see you soon.” she murmured.

you stepped out with a shaky breath and the door shut behind you quietly.

you bit your lip.

first period felt off frim the beginning. karina’s seat was still empty.

you weren’t used to that.

she was usually early on time. but today? the silence she left behind felt heavier than usual. and you were already on edge.

minjeong was two rows ahead, slouched low in her chair. but when the teacher turned to write something on the board, she moved in her seat just enough to glance back at you. then she passed a folded note along the edge of the desk.

you opened it under your book.

"didn’t see jiwon on the bus. she hasn’t answered me either."

your fingers tightened around the paper. 

your eyes flicked up toward the door again as if somehow she’d be there now.

no one came.

you pulled out your phone under the desk and quickly typed out a message to minjeong.

you don’t think… karina—

before you could hit send—

the door creaked open.

your head snapped up.

karina walked in with an unreadable expression. her jaw was tight and she handed a late pass to the teacher without a word. 

she didn’t even look at you until she was sitting.

she leaned in slightly, voice low.

“you didn’t get much sleep last night.”

your blood chilled.

your stomach dropped.

no one knew that. you didn’t text it to anyone. you just laid there in bed, tossing and turning while your brain tried to put together jiwon’s text, her disappearance, and yujin.

“how do you know that?” you asked.

karina smiled, the corners of her mouth curving.

her thumb reached out, brushing underneath your eye gently. 

“the eyebags. they’re kind of cute.” she murmured.

you should’ve laughed.

but your heart was beating a little too fast and your skin felt a little too hot.

she turned her gaze forward like nothing happened.

you stared at her, the memory of her hand against your cheek still tingling.

   ───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

lunch rolled around, but it didn’t feel like a break.

your head was still spinning from history class. jiwon’s name wasn’t called on the roster. at first, you thought maybe she was just late, but the teacher didn’t even pause. like she wasn’t supposed to be there in the first place.

you were walking with minjeong toward the courtyard when you heard someone whisper behind you.

“she moved schools. out of nowhere.”

“i heard her parents pulled her. like, literally overnight.”

you didn’t even realize you’d stopped walking until minjeong tugged lightly on your sleeve.

“y/n?” she asked. her voice was quiet.

your mouth felt dry. “did you hear that?”

minjeong nodded slowly. “something’s wrong. i just… i know she wouldn’t leave like that without saying anything.”

your heart twisted. you knew how close they were, or they used to be. and now jiwon was gone. just like that.

“she didn’t even say goodbye. not even a text.” minjeong whispered. 

before you could respond, a familiar warmth grazed your wrist.

karina.

she appeared beside you like she had always been there, her fingers brushing. 

there was a small silver chain around her neck that you’d never seen before.

“you weren’t at the table.” she said softly, her smile unreadable.

“we were just— um— walking.”

her gaze moved briefly to minjeong, then back to you.

“come with me.” she said, her tone not exactly a request.

you looked at minjeong, hesitant.

she shook her head before you could speak. “it’s fine. i’ve got somewhere to be.”

you nodded, swallowing your guilt and letting karina guide you by the hand to her table. 

“you missed first period.” aeri said to ning. 

“i’m in my delinquent era.”

karina rolled her eyes then reached into her bag and pulled something out. a small, velvet box.

your brows lifted. “what’s this?”

she opened it. inside was a delicate silver bracelet with multiple diamonds. 

she was still spoiling you. 

“i had it made.” she said softly like it wasn’t a big deal.

she was still spoiling you. 

you blinked. “karina— ”

“don’t.” she took your wrist before you could react and fastened the clasp herself. her fingers were steady.

“it looks good on you.”

your brain stopped.

“you really didn’t have to—”

“i wanted to.”

ning made a gagging noise. 

“you guys are disgusting. in a cute way, but still. disgusting.”

aeri smirked. “she’s just mad she hasn’t gotten her matching bracelet yet.”

“i want a matching necklace, actually.” ning said. 

you tried to hide your flustered face behind your hand but karina caught your wrist again, turning it to admire the bracelet on your wrist.

then ning spoke again.

“sooo. did you hear about jiwon?”

karina just tilted her head, her thumb still brushing your pulse.

“what about her?”

“she left. like, gone gone. moved schools outta nowhere. no warning. it’s kinda sus, right?”

aeri raised a brow. “i thought she was besties with that other girl.”

karina gave a light laugh.

“i guess she won’t be getting that rain check.” she said, voice dripping with something too smooth to be innocent.

you tensed.

her words were so casual. her fingers didn’t leave your wrist.

and when you looked at her she was already smiling.

like she didn’t just say something that sent chills down your spine.

“one day she’s here, the next she’s just… poof. there was no goodbye, no story, not even a last-minute rumor. that’s not how people leave this school. not without someone knowing.”

karina let out a small hum beside you, like she was interested but already had the ending to the story.

“she probably had her reasons.” aeri offered.

ning leaned in across the table with a conspiratorial voice. “okay but what if she didn’t leave voluntarily?”

you tensed. 

karina’s eyes cut to yours. she was amused. 

“why so tense, baby?” she asked.

you glanced away too quickly and caught it.

sunghoon, a couple tables over, was laughing with his friends when his eyes briefly focused on you. and then he smiled.

it was enough to make your stomach flip. it was the type that would’ve felt sweet if you weren’t sitting next to karina.

becahse she noticed.

of course she noticed.

her hand that was resting casually on your thigh under the table tensed slightly. 

you looked back at her, startled by how unreadable her expression was.

“i’m not tense.” you said.

“you are.” she murmured, thumb brushing over your leg. 

“it’s okay. i’d be nervous too if someone disappeared right after betraying me.”

you froze.

“i didn’t— she didn’t betray me.” you started, voice catching. 

karina tilted her head. “didn’t she?”

her stare was magnetic. she was smiling but something behind her eyes sparkled with knowing. 

she was still tracking sunghoon’s glance like it was carved into her eyelids.

aeri was unaware. ning, unfortunately, was not.

“you two weren’t that close, right?” ning asked 

“i mean, i thought she was tight with minjeong, but…”

“she was. they were.”

ning’s brows raised like she just realizing something. “wait. minjeong didn’t mention anything, did she?”

you didn’t answer.

which was all ning needed.

“oh. damn.”

“let it go. we’re talking about someone who left. let her stay gone.”

ning smiled, slow and shark like.

“right, right. my bad. guess i just love a good mystery.”

“you would be terrible in a whodunit. you would expose the killer just for fun.” aeri said, sipping her drink.

“only if the killer’s hot.”

karina laughed.

then she leaned toward you again, her voice barely above a whisper.

“you’re thinking too hard.”

“i’m not.”

“you are. relax. you’re safe.”

you turned to face her, heart pounding.

“are you saying that because you want me to feel safe, or because you know i am?”

her smile widened, lazy and slow, like she knew something you didn’t. her hand moved up your thigh subtly. 

“both.”

then she leaned back like nothing happened.

across the table, ning raised her eyebrows. “damn, i still want whatever weird love potion she used on you.”

karina smiled.

“no potion. just luck.”

and maybe a little bit of control.

  ───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

you didn’t mean to hang out with them after school. really.

but one minute you were walking out with every intention of hanging with minjeong and the next, aeri had her arm around your shoulder while dragging you towards karina’s black car. 

you sat on the edge of the couch, guilt tugging at your chest. minjeong had only sent a “k” when you texted about changing plans and it stung more than it should’ve. you felt like you owed her something. but karina was sitting beside you now, watching you like she already knew every thought.

“tell me what’s on your mind.” she said softly.

you tried to shrug it off. “nothing.”

“you can’t lie to me.” she murmured.

you turned to look at her, and she was already closer than you realized.

“i’ll say it again. you don’t have to pretend around me. i don’t like it when you pretend.” she added.

maybe it was the way she said it. or the way her voice was grounding you.

“i’m starting to think you might be insane.” 

karina smiled.

it was a soft one this time. 

“but you like it.”

you didn’t answer. you didn’t need to.

she reached out and brushed a strand of hair behind your ear. “i’ve never let anyone get this close.”

you swallowed. “that’s not true.”

“it is. not since—”

she stopped herself. and then, instead of finishing, she leaned forward and kissed you.

your eyes fluttered closed on instinct.

it started like a question. gentle, like she was waiting for you to push her away.

you didn’t.

you kissed her back. and when she moved a little closer with a hand curling at the back of your neck, you let her.

the couch creaked under you. her thumb grazed your jaw and she kissed you again, deeper this time. and then her lips trailed to the corner of your mouth, then to your cheek, and then lower.

your breath caught when she kissed beneath your ear.

then under the edge of your jaw.

“karina—“ escaped your lips before you could stop it.

she paused there. lips against your skin, with a ghosting smile.

and then she whispered. “it’s jimin.”

you stared.

“what?”

she pulled back just enough to meet your gaze. “my real name. i thought you should know.”

yoh stared at her, heart still pounding in your chest.

“why now?” you asked quietly.

“because you say my name like it means something. and i want it to be the right one.”

you were still trying to process it.

jimin, jimin, jimin. 

then her phone buzzed on the coffee table beside you.

she glanced at the screen.

then declined the call. too fast.

you didn’t get to see the contact.

“everything okay?” you asked, breathless from more than just the kiss.

she gave you a soft smile. “yeah. just my mom. i’ll be right back.”

you watched her disappear down the hallway and past the kitchen. ning was arguing with aeri about “borrowing” a bracelet from karina’s jewelry drawer but it all faded into the background as you slowly stood up.

then you heard her voice again from an almost closed door.

“no. i told you. i’m handling it.”

silence. then softer, almost broken. 

“i can’t lose her like i lost yujin.”

your body went still.

you didn’t even realize you were holding your breath until your lungs started to ache.

yujin.

there it was again. that name. that secret.

and now, suddenly, it wasn’t just curiosity

it was dread.

you heard her footsteps before you saw her.

soft and steady.

you didn’t move when she stepped back into the room, but your body tensed. like it knew she was near before your mind caught up.

karina was quiet as she sat beside you again, her perfume infesting the air and claiming the space all over again. her thigh brushed yours, fingers reaching for your hand. 

“sorry about that. my mom needed something.” she said softly.

you nodded too quickly. “no worries.”

and that was your first mistake.

because karina turned her head slightly toward you and her voice dropped. velvet and sharp.

“what did you hear?”

your stomach dropped.

“i— what?”

karina didn’t push. she only tilted her head like she was looking through you, not at you.

“it’s not a bad thing.” she said softly. 

“you’re just a little quiet now.”

you swallowed. “just thinking.”

that was your second mistake.

her hand lifted and brushed the side of your neck. then her thumb caught the edge of your jaw.

“i know who you’re thinking about.”

your breath caught.

she said it like a dare.

you didn’t nod or speak. but your silence was a yes.

her thumb traced under your eye and you swore she could feel your pulse under her fingers.

“you’re a terrible liar, baby.” she whispered.

“i didn’t mean to— i just overheard—” your voice broke.

“i know.” she hushed you instantly, forehead brushing against yours.

“but now you know how much you matter to me.”

her hand curved around your jaw and tilted your face just so your eyes met hers again.

“i lost someone before. it won’t happen again.” she said, voice barely audible.

you felt her words more than you heard them. you felt it everywhere in your body. 

she leaned in and kissed your cheek softly.

then your temple.

then the corner of your mouth.

“i won’t lose you.” she murmured, and this time it felt like a promise with weight to it. 

like a vow.

you were still trying to breathe when her lips grazed your ear.

“you’re mine, right?”

your lips parted. “karina—”

“say yes.”

and when you didn’t answer, she kissed you.

it wasn’t urgent.

it was slow.

like she had all the time in the world to unravel you.

when she pulled back, your whole body felt light.

ning’s voice rang out from the living room. 

“if no one’s picking a movie, i’m making us watch the notebook again!”

you were still in a daze, heart thudding from the way karina had kissed you like she already owned the part of you you were still trying to understand.

aeri groaned. “i swear to god, ning—”

you stood, slow and little unsteady, your skin still tingled. you didn’t even make it a full step before—

her hand wrapped around your wrist.

“wait.”

you turned.

karina sat there on the couch, legs pulled up and hoodie sleeves too long past her wrists. for once, she didn’t look like the girl who had the entire school wrapped around her finger. she didn’t look like the untouchable center of the universe, or the beautiful girl who whispered your name like a secret. she just looked…

soft?

her hair was a little messy from your hands and her lips were pink and slightly swollen from the kisses you just shared. 

and when she looked up at you, there was no teasing glint in her eyes.

it was something she’d never let anyone else see.

“can’t we stay in a little longer?” she asked, quieter this time.

and it wasn’t about the others. it wasn’t about the movie.

it was about you. about the fact that something in her unraveled when it was just the two of you. something she didn’t let anyone else close enough to see.

your heart broke a little in the best way.

she looked down for a second, fingers curled around your wrist. “just for a minute. just you and me.” she added.

you sat back down.

her hand was still on you.

“i can’t say no to you even if i wanted to.”

“you’re not supposed to.”

you didn’t know how to look at her. you didn’t know how to not look at her.

and then she leaned in again, forehead resting gently against yours. her eyes fluttered like this was the only place she could breathe.

you swallowed, barely holding it together. 

“you okay?”

she nodded after a while, but it was slow. like she didn’t trust her voice yet. “i just… i don’t get this feeling with anyone else.” her voice broke a little.

you folded. completely.

your chest ached and your hands moved on their own, sliding up to cup her face. 

“you make me insane.” you whispered.

karina laughed under her breath. she opened her eyes.

“i win.” she said, quieter this time.

you smiled helplessly. “win what?”

she leaned forward until her nose brushed yours. “whatever game you think we’re playing.”

there was that again. 

you didn’t answer.

you couldn’t.

because you knew that she wasn’t playing.

and for once, neither were you.

karina sighed, already standing. but she reached for your hand like it was instinct. 

then fingers laced with yours.

“come on.” she said.

you followed her out.

  ───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

ning had already claimed the comfiest spot on the couch, mystery drink in one hand and the tv remote in the other. she was wearing fuzzy socks, phone lighting up every few seconds.

aeri was stretched out across the floor with a pillow under her head, scrolling through tiktok and arguing with ning about everything.

“we’re not watching a movie where the guy literally dies in the rain, ning.”

“he dies in the bedroom, aeri. after loving her for like sixty years.”

you stepped in with karina still holding your hand, and they both looked up for one second.

aeri smirked. “took you long enough.”

karina cut in before you could say anything. 

“y/n needed help with something. zippers are hard.” she said, so sweet it made your pulse stutter.

ning choked on her drink. “excuse me?!”

you turned, ready to hit karina with a you did not just say that, but she was already plopping down onto and crossing her legs like nothing happened. she tugged you down next to her, hand still warm around yours. her arm brushed your shoulder like a secret no one else was allowed to know.

ning leaned closer with a wicked gaze. 

“you two are freaks.”

“romantic freaks.” aeri corrected.

“lovers.” ning said.

karina smiled, resting her chin on your shoulder like it belonged there.

aeri finally tossed her phone down. “listen! movie time. i’m not sitting through another failed vote.”

“i already said the notebook—” ning started.

“and we said no. too soft. we need violence. blood. screaming.” 

“that’s… a shift.”

“i want to see people running for their lives, babes. scream. classic. camp. a cultural reset.”

“i agree. the notebook is too straight.” karina said.

ning groaned. “you are so gay.”

aeri sat up, suddenly way too enthusiastic.

“uh uh. you cannot tell me ghostface isn’t hilarious. and iconic. and hot. scream is literally a comfort movie.”

“comfort?? people die.” you asked. 

“exactly. makes my problems feel small.”

“i don’t mind. i’ve seen worse things before.” karina hummed. 

ning turned to you with a dramatic gasp. 

“is she talking about you?”

you shoved a pillow at her.

karina just laughed, pulling you in. her arm slipped behind you on the couch, fingers lightly brushing against your shoulder. 

“let her pick it. it’s her first group movie night.” karina said.

“wait— me?”

three pairs of eyes turned on you. karina tilted her head, curious.

you swallowed. “uhh… something scary is fine?”

aeri smiled. 

“this is why i fuck with you.”

“i’d hate to have to hold you if you get scared.” karina laughed. 

“you would love to hold me.” you gave her a look. 

“guilty.”

ning clicked the remote, scrolling. “okay, whatever, scream it is.”

the movie started and the room dimmed. 

you leaned into karina and her thumb was now lazily brushing your arm. she didn’t flinch at anything. of course she didn’t.

halfway through the first kill, you felt her lean in.

“you’re blushing again.” she whispered, lips barely brushing your ear.

you couldn’t help it.

because even while ghostface chased teenagers around in a suburban house, all you could focus on was her.

   ───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

the movie ended in a mess of blood with the credits rolling. ning was laid out across the couch dramatically, half sleeping.

aeri was halfway into her phone, texting with one hand. “that was not scary.” she mumbled. 

but karina hadn’t moved.

she was still beside you, elbow resting on the back of the couch behind you. her fingers grazed the edge of your shoulder.

you turned to look at her.

“be honest. you hated it.”

she smiled without looking at you, her eyes still on the credits. “i didn’t hate it.”

you raised a brow. 

“i liked watching you more. you get all quiet when you’re scared.” she added, turning to meet your gaze.

“that’s because i’m trying not to scream.” you scoffed. 

karina tilted her head while smirking. “you can scream around me.”

your heart was stuttering.

“karina—”

“you always say my name like it’s a question. like you’re not sure i’m real.” she murmured, brushing a strand of your hair behind your ear.

“sometimes i’m not.” you admitted. 

that made her pause.

she studied you, eyes unreadable, then sat back a little to really look at you.

and then her hand, the one resting near your shoulder, moved with her fingertips trailing gently across your collarbone like she was drawing a shape only she could see. her thumb brushed the strap of your top.

“you don’t show this side to anyone else, do you?” you asked, half whisper.

karina smiled. “no.”

and there was something about the way she said it. it was honest. and maybe a little scared.

you didn’t even realize you were leaning in until your nose brushed hers.

“i like you like this.” you murmured.

her breath hitched and then her lips were on yours, gentler than you expected. 

you could never get enough of her lips.

she didn’t pull away, mouth moving to your jaw, then your neck, leaving soft, slow kisses down to your collarbone like she wasn’t in a rush.

like she was memorizing you. 

your fingers found the hem of her shirt, anchoring yourself.

she kissed your shoulder once more then pulled back just enough to meet your eyes.

“you’re dangerous.” you whispered.

karina smiled “i know.”

then ning called out from the kitchen, “if you’re making out again, at least wait until i’m asleep!”

you jumped. karina didn’t react.

she just looked up at you with a gaze that made your heart stop and reached for your wrist.

you stood first, dizzy with affection, and she gently tugged you back.

and of course you obeyed. 

you rode with karina to school the next morning.

“you’re staring.” she said, tone light.

“i wasn’t.” you lied. obviously.

she smirked, one hand drifting from the wheel to rest on your knee.

“you were.”

you didn’t deny it this time. you were still a little dizzy from last night. from the way she said ‘can’t we stay a little longer.’ from the way she kissed you. from the way her voice dropped when she called you baby.

karina slowed the car, parking into her usual spot out front because of course she parked like she owned the school. a few students glanced over, taking mental notes who was in the car with her this morning. you weren’t imagining the change in attention.

and then— sunghoon.

he looked up as karina changed the gearshift into park, expression freezing the moment your eyes met. the moment he saw her.

he straightened instantly. paled even.

then bowed.

like a full ninety-degree ‘i fear for my life’ type of bow.

karina smiled slowly with her sunglasses still on. one hand draped casually over the steering wheel. “cute.”

you didn’t even have time to ask what that was about before she was opening your door for you like a chauffeur.

“come on.” she said smoothly, eyes falling to your lips for just a second.

she always made it feel like walking beside her was a privilege.

like being with her meant something dangerous.

and judging by the way people stared as you walked into school with her, they knew it too.

───────── ౨ৎ ─────────

you spotted minjeong near the lockers with her hoodie half zipped and earbuds tucked into her collar.

she looked up right as you stepped away from karina’s side.

“i’ll be right back.” you said, already moving.

karina caught your wrist.

her thumb brushed the inside of your pulse as if she was memorizing the rhythm. “where are you going?” she asked, head tilting like a puppy. 

except a puppy wouldn’t be wearing tinted dior lenses and a diamond studded earring.

you glanced at minjeong again. “to talk to her.”

“…now?”

you tried not to smile. “yeah. now.”

karina didn’t let go just yet. her pout was so slight and so subtle that you almost missed it. “i was gonna walk you to class.”

“i’ll only be a minute.”

she let your wrist go with a sigh that was a little too dramatic to be serious.

“fine. one minute. sixty seconds. that’s it.”she said. 

you shot her a look. “are you gonna time me?”

“i’ve already started.” she said.

“fifty nine.”

you rolled your eyes and turned toward minjeong who had absolutely seen all of that.

she didn’t say anything right away. her jaw was tight like she had been holding something in too long.

you leaned against the locker beside hers. 

“hey.”

“hey. you still haven’t seen her real side, huh?” she said. 

“what do you mean?”

minjeong didn’t look at you.

“you know what i mean.” she mumbled.

“karina doesn’t just let people in. she chooses. and when she does it’s not always a good thing.”

you shifted uncomfortably. “she’s been sweet, actually.”

minjeong looked at you now, finally. and her eyes were tired.

“she’s been obsessive. that’s how it starts.” she said.

you tried to speak but her next question caught you off guard.

“have you heard from jiwon?”

you shook your head, guilt creeping in. 

“she blocked me.”

minjeong furrowed her eyebrows.

“she what?”

“she blocked me after i asked her about yujin. i haven’t heard anything since.” you admit. 

minjeong looked like she was doing math in her head.

your throat felt tight. “you think karina—?”

minjeong shut her eyes for a moment. “i think you need to be careful. that’s all i’m saying.”

you were about to respond when karina appeared with a smile on her face. 

“time’s up.”

you groaned.

“unbelievable.” minjeong mumbled. 

the smile told you that she heard all of it.

“ready?” karina asked, already matching your stride without waiting for an answer.

you nodded. and she didn’t take your hand this time. just brushed her fingers against yours. 

you glanced up at her, trying to read her face. but she was unreadable in the way that made your chest flutter. calm, composed, and a little too quiet. 

“you’re distracted.” she said after a few steps. 

“she asked about jiwon.”

karina didn’t answer. not right away. but you could see the smile tug at the corner of her mouth, like she knew you would bring it up. like she was waiting for it.

“i’m gonna stop by the counselor’s office.” she said instead. 

“why?”

“finishing something up.”

you stopped walking. she took one more step before turning back toward you.

there was something in her eyes now. the kind of look that made your breath catch even when she wasn’t saying anything.

she leaned in close with a low voice. 

“you should tell minjeong to be careful, too.”

your heart thudded once, hard.

“…karina?”

but she just smiled like she didn’t just say something vaguely threatening.

“don’t look at me like that. i’m being good.” she said, brushing your hair behind your ear gently. 

“you’re being cryptic.”

“i’m being considerate.” she corrected. 

then she leaned in. "you don’t want me to show you what not being good looks like.”

you knew she was teasing. mostly. but it still made your knees weak.

and then, like nothing had happened, she stepped back.

“i’ll see you at lunch. don’t miss me too much.” she said with a soft little smirk as she turned. you stood there for a bit too long, dizzy with affection and dread equally. and the worst part? you already missed her.

taglist — @saysirhc @prologue-ae @yuyuy90 (@spidrgamer @sh1ba100 @1800hotnfunn)

[swiftiethatlovesf1]

Devil in disguise p.3

Heyy guys, I hope you enjoy this Charles one-shot, here's part 1 and part 2

If you want to read more stories of mine here's my masterlist. :)

Max’s face twisted with rage, his fists clenching at his sides.

"What the hell is this?!" he bellowed, his voice echoing in the changing room. His furious eyes darted between me and Charles, his chest rising and falling heavily.

"Max—" I started, stepping forward, but he wasn’t listening.

"You!" He pointed an accusing finger at Charles, his face red with fury. "You corrupted her, didn’t you? My little sister? I should’ve known!"

Charles raised his hands defensively, but before he could get a word out, Max lunged at him, fist drawn back, ready to swing.

"Stop!" I shouted, grabbing Max’s arm before he could land the punch. I planted myself between them, pressing my hands against his chest. "Just stop, okay?"

"Get out of the way," Max growled, his jaw tight, but I didn’t move.

"Listen to me," I said, my voice softer now, trying to reach him through his fury. "This isn’t what you think. Charles didn’t do anything wrong."

"Didn’t do anything wrong?" Max scoffed, shaking his head in disbelief. "He’s been sneaking around with you behind my back! How long has this been going on?!"

Charles exhaled sharply, running a hand through his hair, looking like he was debating whether to say something or just let me handle it.

"Max, I—" I hesitated, feeling my heartbeat hammer against my ribs. I had planned on keeping this a secret, keeping it light, fun. But suddenly, I couldn’t hold it back anymore.

"I love him."

Silence.

Max stared at me like I had just spoken a foreign language. Charles, on the other hand, looked completely stunned, his lips slightly parted as if the words had knocked the air out of him.

"What?" Charles finally breathed.

Max took a step back, his anger momentarily forgotten in his shock.

I swallowed hard, my face heating up. "I love him," I repeated, firmer this time. "It’s not some stupid fling. It’s not a game."

Charles was still staring at me, his blue eyes searching mine like he was trying to figure out if I was messing with him. But I wasn’t. And he knew it.

Max exhaled harshly, rubbing his temples. "You—this—!" He groaned in frustration before glaring at Charles again. "If you ever hurt her—"

I took the chance to soften him up. "Maxie," I said, placing a hand on his arm. "Think about it. You should be happy I’m with Charles. That way, you’ll see me more often at races, and you won’t have to worry about some random guy hurting me. You know Charles. You trust him, right?"

Max muttered something under his breath, clearly still furious but hesitating now. "This is such a bad idea…"

"But it’s happening," I said with a small smile, nudging him lightly. "And you’re going to be civil about it."

Max groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose before finally giving in with a reluctant nod. "Fine. I’ll be civil. But if he screws up—"

"You’ll run me off the track, yeah, I know," Charles finally spoke, a hint of amusement returning to his voice.

Max sent him one last warning glare before storming out, leaving just the two of us in the dressing room.

I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding, only to realize Charles was still staring at me.

"Love, huh?" he said, tilting his head, a smirk playing at his lips. "That’s news to me."

I felt my face heat up again. "Don’t let it get to your head. Maybe I just enjoy teasing you more than I thought."

Charles took a step closer, his fingers gently gripping my jaw, tilting my face up so I had no choice but to look at him. His blue eyes were filled with something warm, something dangerous.

"Good," he murmured, his thumb brushing against my bottom lip. "Because you’re stuck with me now."

And then he kissed me.

This time, it wasn’t rushed, it wasn’t stolen in secrecy—it was deep, slow, and completely consuming. A promise sealed between us, one neither of us planned on breaking.

And for the first time, I didn’t want to.

The game was over. And I had already won.

@scriptedinkbyxim, @ladyoflynx, @sarx164

[official-cvntified-gay]

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐢𝐞 𝐖𝐞 𝐋𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐈𝐈 [𝐀𝐥𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐚 𝐃. 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫]

❀ summary: You’ve fallen hard for Alcina Dimitrescu, the alluring CEO of a rival company—completely unaware of her plan to use you to gather information on your father’s business. What began as manipulation slowly turned into love, but when the truth comes out, will Alcina be able to win you back, or is it already too late?

❥ here's part 2, not proofread as always and idunno about this one but enjoy darlings<3 bye<3

❥ part one

In the weeks following your discovery of Alcina's betrayal, it felt like you were drowning in a sea of conflicting emotions. Anger, heartbreak, and confusion fought for dominance, while you buried yourself in work to keep from thinking about her. Yet no matter how hard you tried, memories of her touch, her voice, and her regretful expression from that night haunted you.

You did everything to avoid her, even going so far as to skip any social functions or venues she might frequent. But that didn’t stop her from trying to contact you. At first, it was the flowers—extravagant bouquets delivered to your home. Each came with a handwritten note from Alcina, her usually elegant script slightly smudged, as if written in haste or distress.

“I’m sorry. Please let me explain.”

“You mean everything to me. Please talk to me.”

“I was wrong. Let me make it right.”

You tossed every note aside without reading more than the first few words, each one feeling like a punch to the gut. As the days went by, her attempts grew more persistent. She sent letters, each one more heartfelt than the last, pleading for a chance to talk, to make things right. Yet you couldn’t bring yourself to respond. It hurt too much.

Then came the late-night phone calls. You would let it ring, staring at her name lighting up your screen, debating whether or not to answer. But you never did. Eventually, the calls stopped, leaving only an aching silence behind.

And tonight, at your father’s charity gala, it seemed fate had a cruel sense of timing. You didn’t have a choice but to attend, despite knowing there was a high chance Alcina would be there. The grand ballroom buzzed with chatter, the clinking of glasses blending with soft music. You were surrounded by people, yet you felt utterly alone.

You’d barely stepped into the room when you felt her presence before you even saw her. Across the sea of well-dressed guests, Alcina stood out like a dark flame in her black gown. Her tall, commanding figure drew eyes, but it was her unwavering gaze locked onto you that made your stomach twist.

Despite the distance, her emotions were clear. Longing, regret, desperation. The sight of her stirred something in you, a mix of pain and desire you had tried so hard to bury. But you refused to let her get to you. Not here. Not now.

Throughout the night, you tried to lose yourself in conversations, mingling with people you barely knew or cared about. But Alcina’s gaze followed you, her presence looming even from across the room. Several times, you caught her trying to approach, weaving through the crowd toward you, only to be intercepted by someone who wanted her attention—business partners, acquaintances, socialites. You could see her growing more frustrated with each interruption.

And yet, part of you was relieved every time someone blocked her path. You weren’t ready to face her. Not yet.

But Alcina was nothing if not persistent.

The night wore on, and just as you thought you might escape without confrontation, she managed to close the distance. You were slipping away to the restroom for a moment of quiet when you felt her presence behind you. The door clicked shut softly, and you turned to see her standing there, looking as regal and vulnerable as ever.

“Please,” she whispered, her voice soft, desperate. “Just hear me out.”

Your heart raced, but you didn’t move, didn’t turn to face her. “Alcina, I don’t want to do this.”

But instead of speaking, she closed the distance between you in an instant, wrapping her arms around your waist from behind. Her touch was gentle, almost hesitant, as if she were afraid you’d pull away. You stiffened at first, your breath catching in your throat, but she didn’t let go.

Her head lowered until her lips were near your ear, her breath warm against your skin. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered, her voice trembling. “I know I hurt you. I know I don’t deserve to ask for forgiveness, but I can’t let you go without trying.”

You stared at your reflection, feeling the heat of her body pressed against yours, the way her arms held you so tightly. You’d dreamed of this moment for weeks—of seeing her again, of feeling her close to you. But not like this. Not with so much pain between you.

“You used me, Alcina,” you said quietly, your voice barely above a whisper. “You lied to me.”

“I know,” she breathed, her voice cracking. “I know I did. But what I feel for you now... it’s real. It was never supposed to happen. I was never supposed to fall in love with you, but I did. And I hate myself for hurting you like this.”

Her arms tightened around you as if she feared you might slip away, her cheek resting against your hair. “I’ve never felt this way before, not with anyone. I’ve never let anyone in like I did with you, and I ruined it. I ruined us.”

You felt a lump forming in your throat, tears burning behind your eyes. Part of you wanted to push her away, to tell her that you didn’t care anymore, that it was too late. But the way she held you, the way her voice shook with sincerity—it was hard to ignore.

“I thought I meant something to you,” you whispered, the hurt clear in your voice. “But it was all just a game.”

Alcina shook her head against you, her grip on you unwavering. “It started that way, but it changed. You changed me. Please, believe me. I never wanted to hurt you like this.”

You were silent for a moment, your mind torn between the betrayal and the love that still lingered in your heart. Her arms around you felt safe, familiar, but the weight of what she’d done was still too heavy to ignore.

“I don’t know if I can trust you again,” you admitted, your voice barely audible.

Alcina let out a shaky breath, her lips brushing the top of your head. “I understand. But I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to earn your trust back, if you’ll let me.”

You closed your eyes, feeling the tears slip down your cheeks as you leaned back into her. It was all too much—the anger, the longing, the love you still felt for her despite everything.

“I don’t know what to do,” you whispered, your voice breaking.

Alcina’s arms tightened around you, and for the first time in weeks, you let yourself sink into the feeling of being held by her. “Then just let me hold you,” she whispered back. “For now, that’s all I ask.”

You stood there in the quiet of the bathroom, wrapped in her arms, the weight of the past hanging between you. There was so much still unsaid, so many wounds left to heal. But for now, in this moment, you let her hold you, let her be close again, and for a fleeting second, it felt like maybe—just maybe—things could be okay again.

❥ definitely not obsessed with Alcina begging to take her back- oop who said that?🤨👀

[redux-iterum]

Charred Legacy: Chapter Forty-One

(AO3 counterpart here.)

Fireheart made an impressive effort to focus on anything but what he and Dustpelt had talked about. He taught Cloudpaw a new hunting position, he led a patrol and caught prey himself, he sat and chatted with Greystripe and Ravenwing at dinner. The entire time, his mind swirled and spun with the prospect of being chosen as deputy.

He can’t be right, he would think. Dustpelt is a good choice, but surely not me.

Dustpelt’s words would immediately come back to him. We are the better options. We’re young enough for Whitecloud to be confident. He’s not all that young, you know.

“Dude.”

Fireheart flinched like he’d been struck and looked around in alarm, only to see a very concerned Greystripe with his paw on Fireheart’s shoulder where he’d shaken him.

“I’m here,” Fireheart said quickly. “What?”

Ravenwing stretched out his neck to look past Greystripe and see his other friend. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, you’ve been wandering elsewhere all night,” Greystripe said. “I just asked you a question three times. What’s going on in that head of yours?”

“Uh…” Fireheart’s paws shuffled in front of him, his prey untouched. “Nothing.”

“That is the single most blatant lie you’ve ever told us,” Greystripe said.

“You can talk to us, you know,” Ravenwing added. “If something’s worrying you, we want to help.”

Fireheart debated internally on whether he should explain everything. He had withheld Cloudpaw’s visits to Rosy already; would they get mad if he didn’t tell them he was potentially in the running for leadership? They might have helpful thoughts, or even just comfort and support. But to bother them with that…

Just as Fireheart opened his mouth, Whitecloud walked past them, seemingly unaware of Fireheart staring at him. He made his way past the prey-pile and out of camp with a nod or two to the cats he passed, who nodded back at him.

“I gotta do something,” Fireheart said, standing up fast enough to make himself a bit dizzy. “I’ll tell you guys later.”

“Fireheart—” Greystripe started, Ravenwing echoing him a moment later.

Fireheart ignored them, instead trotting fast enough to almost canter after Whitecloud. He didn’t notice if anyone nodded to him, just hurried out in time to see Whitecloud start for Bluestar’s den.

“Hey! Sir?”

The deputy turned with mild surprise as Fireheart caught up to him, very aware that his tail was puffed out a little in stress when he asked, “Can I talk to you for a moment?”

Whitecloud nodded slowly, crooking his tail and leading Fireheart a few trees away from camp, turning to face him and sitting down with a mildly curious look on his face. Fireheart sat down with him, trying to figure out how to ask this question.

“Are you testing me?” he blurted out.

Whitecloud blinked, then slightly narrowed his eyes in understanding.

“And Dustpelt, for that matter?” Fireheart’s paws fidgeted again. “Are we, um… are we both potential choices for deputy?”

Now that he said it out loud, it sounded incredibly arrogant and stupid. Embarrassment burned his ears and his tail curled around his legs as well as it could like an attempt at a shield. He anticipated a scoff, or something polite but deriding.

All he got was a warm expression on Whitecloud’s face. “I am, and you are.”

Oh. Fireheart felt dizzy again. “…Oh.”

Whitecloud purred soothingly. “Take a breath, Fireheart.”

A breath, he decidedly did not take, instead failing to restrain his next barrage of words. “Why? Why me? I-I get Dustpelt, but– but me? And neither of us trained our apprentices fully yet, and…”

A long, white paw lifted up and gestured down in a calm command for quiet. Fireheart clamped his mouth shut, not sure if he was more afraid of Whitecloud staying confident in him or deciding that he wasn’t in the running after all.

“You and Dustpelt are both young, that’s true,” Whitecloud said. “Young and strong and full of potential. Your apprentices should be nearly fully trained or warriors by the time I become leader, and at that point I could name either of you as deputy and have the confidence of the entire Clan in that decision.” His eyes creased. “Though I would hope whichever one of you I choose has the other become their deputy once my time comes.”

Fireheart stared at him, mouth slightly open to spill words he couldn’t even begin to think up.

“As for ‘why’…” Whitecloud’s face turned amused. “Well, the reason I hope both of you lead one day is because you’re both excellent choices for different reasons. You, first, have a wonderful relationship with cats in the other Clans—if any arguments come up, you could easily calm things down and have a peaceful solution to the problem. RiverClan likes you quite a lot, enough that I don’t foresee any fights with them happening in your lifetime. That’s vital to the health of our Clan.” Amusement turned to fondness. “And that’s not to mention how much your Clanmates like you. You must have noticed that everyone except Darkstripe obeys your orders without a single word of protest. We shouldn’t forget that you saved all of us when we were panicking in the fire—and a clear head like that is something ThunderClan can rely on and trust to keep them safe and calm in dire times. You’d be a comfort as a leader: someone trustworthy, compassionate and with a healthy perspective that will let you solve problems when others would be frozen up by their dedication to the code.”

Fireheart was dimly aware of his mouth dropping even further open as he gawked at his deputy. What to even say to that?

“Now, Dustpelt…” Whitecloud tilted his head a little, thoughtful. “I can trust his diligence and dedication. He would die for any of his Clanmates, even the ones he doesn’t like, simply because they are his Clanmates and it’s his job to serve them.” He winked at Fireheart. “I know you would, too, but for different reasons. Dustpelt has a wonderful sense of honor, even with enemies, and he would work within the boundaries of the code just as well as you would work outside of it. The Clan would be under the constant watch of a young leader who they know could keep them fed and safe from outside threats. We both know he takes everything very seriously, which a good leader should, no matter how small the issue. And he would have the inherent respect of the other Clans thanks to being native to ThunderClan and understanding every aspect of our culture and laws without having to have been taught it.”

Whitecloud paused for a moment, breathing in a soft, deep breath. Fireheart said nothing.

“Truthfully,” Whitecloud said after a moment, “Speckletail and I talked about this a great deal before she died. She was already eyeing both of you as her potential successors, with me as an emergency choice. We never did decide which one would be the next deputy.” His yellow eyes had a visionary shine to them. “It’s why I hope that one day, you two can lead together. ThunderClan would be protected outside and inside. All our corners will be covered.”

Dustpelt doesn’t want to be leader, Fireheart almost said, but closed his mouth against it. He just swallowed air and said unsteadily, “I… I appreciate your confidence in me, sir.”

“You’ve earned it.” Whitecloud nodded once and started to turn away. “Now, I’m going to check on Bluestar. Go ahead back inside.”

Fireheart didn’t move just yet. “Uh… do you want me to keep all this a secret?”

The deputy paused and looked back. “No, you’re free to talk about it all you want.” He purred in amusement. “But I wouldn’t go around proclaiming you’re going to be the next deputy, just in case I choose Dustpelt instead.”

With a weak chuff, Fireheart dipped his head and plodded back through the tunnel as Whitecloud disappeared into Bluestar’s den.

When he emerged into the sandy clearing, he looked up at the sky: graciously clear, the stars sparkling as brightly as they always did. Even the fog had been kind enough to leave for a few nights, making the chill drier than it usually was. Chatter rose up and sank down, waves rippling around Fireheart. It vaguely reminded him of the buzz of insects in springtime.

“Are you back?” Greystripe said, and Fireheart looked back down to see his friends approaching. Their ears were perked more like they were listening for the hiss of a snake than any good news, and their tails twitched anxiously.

“I’m back,” Fireheart said, then realized what his friend meant. “Oh. Yeah. Yeah, I’m back. Uh, here, come on, I need to tell you something.”

He trotted back over to where they had been sitting, his friends following him. When he turned around, their eyes were pale with apprehension. They immediately bulged and blazed when Fireheart whispered his conversations with Whitecloud and Dustpelt, leaving out Dustpelt’s requested secret.

“That’s insane,” Greystripe whispered, but before Fireheart could interpret that as negative, his face nearly broke in half with a beam brighter than the sun. “That would be so cool! Can you imagine that, Ravenwing? Fireheart as deputy?”

“It’s never occurred to me before,” Ravenwing admitted, tip-tapping his paws in place, his eyes shining. “But that would be incredible. I know you’d do a great job, Fireheart; you already are!”

Fireheart ducked his head down, ears warm again. “I mean… I just feel like a regular cat, just doing what I’m told.”

“And telling others what to do.” Ravenwing nudged him gently with a paw to get him to look back up. “Whitecloud’s right. You’ve been doing more than your fair share to help the Clan, and we’re all happy to listen to you. You’ve got the potential, even if Cloudpaw isn’t a warrior yet.”

Sheepishly, Fireheart blinked at his friends, silently and dryly amused that they looked a thousand times more excited than he felt. Greystripe bumped their heads together, forgetting his strength for the first time in a long while and nearly knocking Fireheart over. Ravenwing purred and made a much gentler repeat of the gesture.

Fireheart opened his mouth to say something, but a dark shape crossed his vision; Darkstripe was stalking past them, tossing a squinted glare Fireheart’s way. By the especially curdled scowl, he had heard a bit of the conversation. Or he was just particularly full of hate tonight.

You are going to be furious if Whitecloud chooses me as deputy, Fireheart thought, not wanting to admit how much the idea tickled him.

“Fireheart, there you are.”

The trio of toms turned their heads to see Dustpelt padding up to them, Thornpaw in tow. Fireheart’s whiskers twitched as he noted the difference in height between them, where Thornpaw had suddenly grown over the past month, still filling out but now taller than his mentor. Even so, he had his head ducked to look smaller as he looked admiringly at Dustpelt.

“Am I interrupting a conversation?” the brown tabby in questions asked, eyes flicking between the boys with the slightest, curious squint.

“Oh, nothing big,” Fireheart said before his friends could answer. “Is something up?”

“A bit, yes.” Dustpelt straightened up, tail high and posture businesslike. “I went out to train with Willowpelt and Brackenpaw, but we caught a scent in our usual training area.”

Fireheart jolted. “Not the dogs again—”

“Oh, no, not the dogs,” Dustpelt said quickly. “We’re not entirely sure what it is. It’s got the tinge of the Houses to it, but I’ve never smelled something like that before. It made the apprentices nervous—” Thornpaw flattened his ears shamefully “—so we decided to come back.”

Fireheart glanced at Brightpaw, who was luckily asleep below the stump. “Well, we can’t afford to be too cautious. Do you think we should change the training place for now?”

Dustpelt nodded. “I was going to suggest that to you and Whitecloud. I think we definitely should have everyone closer to camp—if it’s empty enough, even in camp.”

An angry hacking sound answered him; when everyone looked over, Darkstripe was glaring at all of them, his hurt eye only slightly squinted now.

“You can’t have the apprentices train in camp,” he snapped. “Do you know how noisy and busy that’ll make this place?”

Fireheart couldn’t stop his response, but he could keep it in a friendly tone. “Well, we could put you on a patrol when training sessions are going on. It’d be more peaceful for you, I think—”

“I am not,” Darkstripe said through his teeth, “going on any patrol on the orders of a kittypet.”

Greystripe rolled his eyes. “You’re aware he’s lived with us for a year now, right? He’s as much a warrior as you are.”

“More so, I would think,” Ravenwing said coldly.

Everyone looked at him in surprise. Darkstripe’s face quickly changed back to curdled and angry.

“You don’t want the apprentices to train safely?” Ravenwing’s voice was clipped, his eyes narrowed. “Then you go out and handle the dogs yourself. Or you go on a patrol like Fireheart tells you to. You decide.”

A broad band of fur on Darkstripe’s back and tail flared. He took a few steps towards his nephew, teeth bared as he loomed, even from a distance, over Ravenwing. “You think you can talk to your family like that?”

The skinny black tom was not moved. He regarded Darkstripe with contempt. “I’m not a kitten anymore. You don’t frighten me.” His ears slid back. “Embarrass me? Annoy me? Sure. The last of my family is a pathetic kitten constantly throwing a tantrum about not getting his way. You tell me if that’s worse, eparme.”

Fireheart stared at his friend in awe. How long has he wanted to say that?

Darkstripe’s claws dug into the sand, his face burning. After a moment of visible struggling, he spat out, “Whatever, runt. You’re still a coward. You aren’t fooling anyone.” Before anyone could respond, he whipped around and stormed away, the playing kits scurrying away from his path as he snatched something from the prey-pile and stomped into a corner of camp by the tunnel, facing the wall of brambles as he sat down with a thump.

“Putting himself in time-out like a kit,” Ravenwing said quietly. “Didn’t think he was that reasonable.”

Dustpelt regarded Ravenwing with the same awe and shock as Greystripe, Fireheart, and Thornpaw. “That was amazing. Well done.”

Ravenwing took in a breath, and with the exhale, his meekness returned, edge and stoicism gone in favor of a shaky sigh and anxious eyes. He admitted in a low voice, “I think I would have run if he actually got in my face.”

“If he’d got in your face, I would’ve killed him.” Greystripe tapped Ravenwing’s side with his huge tail. “He wasn’t going to win either way.”

Ravenwing gave a wobbly chuff. He said something to Dustpelt, but Fireheart didn’t hear it. His attention was drawn to a cat a small distance away: Snowpaw, standing just outside of the apprentice’s den, bright blue eyes gleaming with admiration as he stared at his mentor.

Whether he had understood exactly what happened or not, Fireheart figured, didn’t matter. What did was that Snowpaw had a new reason to adore Ravenwing, even more than he did already. He glanced at Ravenwing, who had not yet noticed his apprentice, looked back at Snowpaw, and signed, “Crazy, right?”

Snowpaw beamed and gave him only one word. “Awesome.”

[4townie]

Road to 4☆TOWN

part 31 | part 32 | part 33 | part 34 | part 35 | part 36 | part 37 | part 38

Warning: Strong language

Robaire read over the half finished lyrics to the song he’d been working on, finding himself completely stumped. His pity party was interrupted by the doorbell. Robaire rushed to the door. “Jan—” He frowned. “Oh. Hey, Aaron.”

“Hey.” Z leaned on the doorframe. “I know it’s been a while since we’ve spoken, but T tells me you’re really into that girl from the hotel.”

“I mean, if you ever picked up a magazine, he wouldn’t have to tell you.” Robaire rolled his eyes. “But yeah. I am. What of it?”

Aaron held up his Polaroid camera. “I’ve got photos to show you.” He stepped inside. “Your girl…she’s got long legs, pineapple hair, wears lots of mini skirts. Amirite?”

“Uh, yeah.” Robaire looked at him in confusion. “How do you remember all that? You only saw her once.”

“I cross referenced with one of those magazines I never pick up.” Aaron raised an eyebrow. “She looked familiar when I saw her. I wasn’t sure at first, but now I am.”

“Sure of what? When did you see her?” Robaire asked.

“Olivia’s staying with us while my parents are in Aruba. She insisted we take her and Tae to the park to feed the ducks.” Aaron handed him the Polaroids. “That’s when I spotted her.”

Robaire shifted through the pictures. He could clearly see Janelle smiling and holding hands with some other guy, but he couldn’t believe his eyes. “She’s still seeing him…?” He felt a pang in his chest. “I thought…I thought he broke her heart. I thought I was the one healing her.”

“Hate to be the bearer of bad news.” Aaron shrugged. “We tried to tell you she was bad for you, man. Everyone could see it but you.”

“That’s not really helping.” Robaire shot him a glare. “I just…” he sighed and plopped onto the couch. “I thought I had a good thing going here. But this whole time I really was just a sucker. I was always her second choice.”

Aaron’s eyes shifted awkwardly. “Isn’t Jesse the one you usually go to with these problems?”

“UGH, what am I supposed to tell Jesse?” Robaire groaned. “I was being such a jerk to him but he was right all along. And my parents…” He faceplanted into a couch pillow. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to face anyone. I just feel like a total fool. How could she play me like this?”

Aaron looked between Robaire and the door, debating whether or not he should just leave him to his feelings. He sighed and sat on the floor beside him. “Listen, I get it. You must’ve been excited to have a life outside of 4☆TOWN. You just wanted us all to be happy and support you.” He shook his head. “I know it sucks a lot, but it’s not your fault.”

“It’s definitely my fault.” Robaire said quietly. “It was spelled out for me so many times but I chose to ignore it.” He stared at the photos. “Last time we spoke, we got into an argument. She told me she couldn’t be with another liar and yet…she’s the one lying to me. And here I was writing her a love song, trying to figure out how to make it up to her and she just—…” He scoffed and tossed the photos aside. “I’m such an idiot.”

“Well, I’m not gonna tell you this isn’t stupid cuz that’d be a lie.” Aaron admitted.

“Wow, thanks.” Robaire rolled his eyes. “I’m pouring my heart out to you and you tell me I’m stupid.”

“You didn’t let me finish.” Aaron narrowed his eyes. “I was going to say that even though you were being dumb, you can’t victim blame. She was manipulative and she played with your feelings and she knew exactly what she was doing. That’s a pretty fucked up thing to do to someone.” He looked over at Robaire, who was busy staring at a picture of Janelle sadly. Aaron sighed and got up. “You can stay here and feel sorry for yourself. And you can forgive her and look past it if you want. But the Robaire I know, the same jackass that stood up to our manager to protect Jesse, wouldn’t let someone like this win a fight. He’s too strong for that.” He shrugged before letting himself out.

Robaire shook his head when he was alone again. “I wish I knew where that guy was right now.”

[scarabsinthestardust]

Better in the Morning // Ch. 4

MASTERLIST

This one's just a short little piece, more like a blurb, I suppose. It's focused more on Sam and his feelings than Jake and Kya.

word count: 1115

CHAPTER WARNINGS: Language, drinking, sad feelings, not wanting to talk about those feelings, and unrequited love (or is it??)

I’ve always been great at reading people. Call it a product of my upbringing, but I tended to be over-observant of my surroundings and the people around me. I had a knack for figuring out when something was happening with those people, what was going on behind the scenes, even if they tried to hide it. I was almost always the first to discover a secret or know when someone was lying. As a child, it was difficult for the adults to keep anything from me.

Jake and his brothers were no exception. Jake never tried to blatantly lie to me, but he liked to think he was good at masking his emotions, specifically those not-so-great feelings he struggled with, but I saw through that in a heartbeat. Josh was civil with me. When we went out together, like tonight, he was always friendly and treated me like one of them. He still didn’t completely trust me, although he would never admit it. I tried not to take it personally, knowing he was just protective over his twin, but it irked me to no end. I found myself wondering, quite often, what I needed to do to prove myself to him, to prove that I wasn’t going to hurt Jake.

Sam was always sweet. He pretty much immediately jumped into that ‘little brother’ role with me, occasionally confiding in me when he needed a friend. He was another that was great at putting on a happy face, hiding away the hurt and sadness from everyone else. And he was another that I could see right through.

Daniel was friendly, if not a little dorky. He had no problem making friends anywhere he went. While Danny took on the ‘mom’ role in the ground, doing his best to keep the Kiszkas out of trouble, he occasionally needed to be watched to make sure he didn’t “bring back any strays,” in the words of Jake. He had such a warm, welcoming nature that people were drawn to him; he was always trying to introduce new people into the group. This also made it particularly easy for him to pick up women.

I don’t think he did it on purpose. No, I know he didn’t. He would never intentionally hurt anyone. Especially not Sam.

Danny sat with a girl’s leg draped over his as she swooned over his every word. She watched him with hooded eyes as she whispered in his ear and dragged her hand across his chest.

“Jesus, get a fucking room,” Jake shot as he sipped his beer. Josh snickered, egging him on. Men are clueless.

No one else seemed to notice that Sam was not okay. He tried to cover it up, to distract himself by contributing to other conversations, but something was bothering him. He rolled his eyes and swallowed down the rest of his beer. “I’m gonna go.” They gave him questioning looks as he stood to leave. “Just tired,” he shrugged. I’m not sure how that fooled anyone but as I mentioned, men are clueless.

With the guys back to their conversation and drinks, I stood and patted Jake’s shoulder. “Be right back, gotta pee.” He acknowledged me but was so occupied by whatever heated debate he was having with Josh, giving me ample opportunity to sneak out the door and follow Sam. I called out to him as he trudged through the parking lot. He turned to me, rubbing his eyes, trying to conceal the tears that were starting to spill.

“Fuckin’ allergies, man.”

“You don’t have to bullshit me, Sam. You don’t need to pretend.” I wanted to give him an opportunity to open up to me on his own, but I knew I wasn’t going to give him an actual choice. He needed to talk about this, whether he wanted to or not, before everything he bottled up came to a head and exploded.

“What? I’m good. It’s just been a long day.” He sniffled.

I prayed that he wouldn’t be angry with me for calling him out. “How long have you been in love with Danny?”

His eyes widened in shock, and he glanced around in a panic, I assume to ensure no one overheard me. We were alone in the dark parking lot, though. “Wh- I don’t- fuck.” He leaned against his car and hung his head in defeat. Hugging himself and gluing his eyes to the ground, he said softly, “How did you know? Is it that obvious?”

From the day I met them, it was hard not to notice. Sam looked at Daniel like he had hung the moon and painted the stars in the night sky. He watched him like he was the most important person in the world, the most precious. When Daniel talked, laughed, or sang, it was as if nothing else in the entire universe mattered to Sam. “He’s not doing this to hurt you.”

“I just feel so stupid. I don’t have any right to be upset. He’s not mine.” I almost didn’t hear the last part with how quietly he spoke.

“Doesn’t make what you’re feeling any less real. You’re allowed to have these feelings, Sam.”

“What am I supposed to do? I can’t have him, I know that. It could ruin everything. I can’t lose him.”

I’d grown to love Sam like he was my own brother, and it broke my heart to see him struggling with this. But I also worried that he was probably right. Danny was his best friend, and Sam didn’t want to jeopardize that. He especially couldn’t risk jeopardizing the band and everything they had worked so hard for. “He cares about you; I know that much. I don’t think you’re ever going to lose him.”

My phone buzzed in my pocket.

Jake – 9:42 PM

You okay in there?

“I should head back in before they get suspicious.” He eyed me worriedly. “I won’t say anything. Your secret’s safe. But I think you should talk to someone. Don’t let this swallow you up.”

He muttered a quiet thanks before we parted ways. As I returned to the table, Jake shot me a questioning look.

“Sorry. Just needed to step out for some air.”

With the way Jake looked at me, I knew he didn’t really believe me, but he didn’t push the issue. I’d figure out some lame excuse later. I didn’t want to lie to him, but I gave Sam my word, and I’d be damned if I didn’t keep my promise to him. Besides, it wasn’t my secret to tell.

My phone buzzed with another message.

Sam – 10:01 PM

Thanks for being a good friend. Jake’s lucky to have you.

[perhaps-in-anotherdream]

Hi:) I made a post with the same questions I'm about to put in here, but then deleted it since I thought I'll be guaranteed to get an answer if I just ask you.

I've been playing MLQC since its launch. To be honest, haven't kept up with the story in years and only continue playing and logging in to get Shaw's cards, but I do know how the game works like the back of my hand.

A few days ago I saw Sylus for the first time on X, and the minute I did I began to debate whether or not I should install Love and Deepspace. Just so I can see what he's like. He's very attractive, and he seems charismatic and mysterious too lol

However, before I decide to download and make a potential commitment, I want to know a few things first. 99% of my questions are general questions, while the other 1% isn't :P

What's the game like? (gameplay, mechanics, options, daily tasks(?), currencies, gacha, etc.)

Are there similarities to MLQC? (gameplay-wise, content, dailies, wish tree, events, etc.)

The cards come with stories, right? I honestly feel stupid asking this, but I'm just that clueless about the game and how it works lolol

Is the game F2P-friendly? (tolerable grinding, fairness in stocking up on required materials, cost of cards, etc.) Is it at least similar to MLQC in terms of abundance in materials and currency?

Do limited cards get re-runs? Or is it that once a card is launched and its event ends, the chance to get it is forever gone?

Can cards only be pulled, or can they also be run in MLQC-style shoot/birthday events and bought using in-game currency (i.e. like the gems in MLQC)?

There's probably a grade to the cards, correct? (SR, SSR, UR, etc.)

I saw on the store that Sylus's 'Wish' event is ongoing at the moment; will his card be added permanently after the event ends, or is this a one-time thing (like the time ltd. Wish Tree events in MLQC)?

Taking into consideration the fact that I'll be a noob with barely any resources, if at all: do I have a chance of getting Sylus's card before the event end if I begin playing soon?

Sorry for all the questions, and thank you for your response in advance :D

hello! firstly i’m sorry but my answers will only have necessary info b/c i’m not in the physical or mental state to go at lengths rn.

(1) it's an otome with action elements i.e. different styles of combats. there's also main story, dates, socmed, mini games, photo booth etc.

(2) idk whether to laugh or cry here tbh. in all fairness, PG really just took every feature of lovepro/ MLQC and upgraded them in LaDS (the combats aside LOL). although personally i don’t have anything positive to say on their writing quality, so you’ll have to figure out your feelings on that yourself ahah.

the dailies are quick once you've been there long enough as it is with most games. the wish tree has pity carry over system. they have two types of gacha pools: permanent and limited. and the two pools have different ticket currencies. there is no exchange system for event cards like MLQC.

leveling up the cards is an extremely tricky business here by the way. it's gonna become an essay if i try to explain, but know that you can never have enough stamina here LOL.

(3) yes. the 5 and 4 stars.

(4) nope lmfao. even if you tunnel vision one bias, it'd be difficult have all his cards without spending. they do have free 5 and 4 star card events though and those give rewards + the limited events often offer some rewards (in-game), but still it'd be hard if you have crappy gacha luck plus their stupid 50/50 choice in the pool almost never works lol and since the game is a simulpub, you won't have the advantage you have with MLQC to plan out your spending.

a friend of mine has done an overview, so please go through that to get an idea: ♡

(5) give it some time 😂 the game is only six months old. eventually all limited cards are re-run in these sort of games.

(6) no, there's no currency only card like MLQC in the game (at least not as of now). all cards are to be obtained through gacha (free ones aside).

(7) yes.

(8) QinChe/ Sylus has multiple events going on at the moment. there's a limited pool that ends on august 1 and you won't be able to get that one after the event until further notice. and the permanent pool also has a limited mechanism right now that will end after the event. but every other card except for event limited card will be added to the permanent pool afterwards.

(9) the permanent cards can be obtained later too (though definitely will be way harder b/c the limited mechanism for the permanent pool will gone then). as for the limited banner, it depends on your luck 😂 70x is the pity for 5-stars. i can't remember if there was any newbie pity, but since there's no guarantee or exchange, it might prove hard to obtain the card without spending if you have bad gacha luck. :/

hope these answer your questions~

—

[docholligay]

Ep 7: Nat

Hello! This is about up to Episode 7 of Yellowjackets, and ONLY episode 7 of Yellowjackets. I have not seen beyond the seventh episode, at all, and know NOTHING about this show. Please do not spoil it for me.  Things that are spoilery in nature, for me, include: saying things like  “Just wait!!” confirming or denying anything I put forward, outside information about the cast interviews or creator statements, leading questions like “Do you think “blank moment” means anything?” etc. Remember  that Y’ALL HAVE SEEN THE SHOW AND I HAVE NOT. This informs the way you  talk about things relating to the show. Just be really careful is all  I’m asking. Also: If there is LITERALLY any stance I  could take on this show or character that would make you upset, please  just fucking block the tag

If you WOULD like to discuss the show and my takes on it, the Discord is right here! I don’t go there, so it’s a great place to get every emotion out.

Please thank @sailorsunspot and @moonlight-frittata for backing this odd way of doing a liveblog, and remember my tip jar is always open

Oh Nat, what the fuck can I say about you that I haven’t said a thousand times before? Actually, i will say that I love that they are really giving Nat a bit of a heel turn here, because I was so prepared to be like, “Ah yes, the disconnected,cynical alternative girl is the only real one. Groundbreaking.” and I think the show has taken pains to show that, no, Nat doesn’t know jack shit, and she is a codependent asshole who seems to care only about Travis and refuses to let herself stop being hung up on that. But no, even her involvement with the blackmail, trying to shoot a man, suggesting that she is going to be able to figure out who did this and save it all, it’s all about Travis, it’s always about Travis, and as long as nat is fixed to that spot, it doesn’t actually matter what she learns because it will never ever be enough. She cannot let herself see other worlds. 

It’s a great and fun development for me when we show Travis about to go with the other girls, out of a sense of chivalry or whatever, and Nat straight up asks him not to go. Now we can debate all day long and off into the night whether or not it would actually be helpful for Travis to go or stay, but none of that has anything to do with Nat’s calculation here. It has everything to do with the fact that she’s selfish, that she wants him, that she is pinning so much to the two of them. She’s like an extreme opposite of Taissa’s lack of emotional engagement with Van. Travis is the only part of her future she can see, and it’s equal parts compelling and pathetic.I suppose I will grudgingly admit that I like where she tries to generically sexy-talk, and Travis rejects it. He wants Nat to be Nat, even when they’re fucking. 

 I wasn’t sure where I wanted to put this, such things that straddle the girls are always difficult to handle, but when Tai talks about how they got home lives, and Nat got nothing, I want to point out that this was always Nat’s choice. I have my own feelings about Tai and Shauna’s marriages and children and why the exist, maybe for another time, but Nat literally just…opted out of all of that in order to bum around with Travis and get drunk and do drugs togerher, and even after he disappeared on her, perhaps sending a bit of a signal, she kept pursuing the same path. Nat is to blame for at least 75% of Nat’s problems. Ma’am you are in your 40s. 

I don’t disagree with Nat, really, when she says they are just as fucked up as she is, but where I do disagree with her is where she says they’re lying to themselves. I don’t think that being able to figure out how to behave in public and keep from setting yourself on fire for at least 20 years is lying. I think it’s choosing to move on despite it all. Nat is very much not doing that. And, don’t mistake me, I think Shauna does a pretty bad job of it, and Taissa certainly has the wolf coming to get her, but I think both of them have TRIED more than Nat, who it feels like very much decided the nightmare she was gong to live in and then made that her reality. But this is part of convincing herself that she’s ‘real’ while the others are not. That she alone has a clear eye. 

Even the momentary realization that Kevyn is nice to her, and that Kevyn is stable, and that maybe, with him, she could have some semblance a normal, together, reasonable life, does less than nothing for her. He is a means to an end: she found our about Travis, she got to use his gun, it wouldn’t matter how much she got away with, with him, she would always try take more because she doesn’t know how to be happy and she doesn’t trust it. She has be outrightly cruel to Kevyn because she has to fucking convince herself that this is somehow still all her idea, that her isolation is a function of desire, and not a function of something irrevocably broken in her, that she has never made a real effort to fix. 

I’m wondering if it was Natalie who came up with the whole pit idea, as Tai suggests they wouldn’t be here without her, and Shauna even directly references being dragged into her “pit” of guilt. Could this be part of why Nat is so fucked up, is she knows she was directly responsible for murder? Does she ever wish it was her?

[jessisnotnormal]

Chapter 14: Choice

Masterlist

<- Chapter 13

“Morning, Gaius!” Jada greeted cheerfully as she encountered him in the corridor. “Is everything all right?”

            Gaius had been wearing a dark expression before he noticed her, his heavy brows furrowed at whatever thoughts he was entertaining. Upon recognising her, however, he pushed his frown back, trying for a smile. “Ah, Jada. Yes, I’m quite all right, thank you. Good morning.”

            “Are you sure?” Now it was Jada’s turn to frown. “You looked like you were thinking very hard about something, and whatever it was, you didn’t like it.”

            Gaius sighed, seeming to be debating whether to give in or not. “I’ve just been thinking some more about Edwin. I’m still not sure I trust him.”

            “Really? Do you think he’s here for something other than healing Morgana?”

            Gaius balked, his eyes going wide for just a second before he recovered. He glanced behind him, then stepped closer to Jada with a low voice. “You should be careful what you get yourself involved in.”

            “But if he is here for something else, something more sinister, then surely we should figure it out so we can stop him?”

            “I fear that that will only cause more trouble.”

            Jada felt her eyes narrow in confusion. “Gaius? Is there something you’re not telling me?”

            Gaius cast his eyes downwards, looking anywhere except her face. Eventually, he gave a laugh. “I’m sure everything’s fine. You shouldn’t listen to a foolish old man like me. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must be getting back to work.”

            He shuffled off, hardly giving her another glance, and leaving Jada standing in the corridor feeling confused and suspicious. Gaius clearly didn’t trust Edwin, but had he discovered some proof that the stranger was bad news? Or maybe he was just on edge, she thought. He probably felt as though everybody was gearing up to replace him since they all seemed so enamoured with Edwin, so maybe that was what was causing him to act so strangely.

            Either way, thought Jada, Edwin was hiding something. Even with modern medicine, she’d never heard of a haemorrhage clearing up without a trace in minutes, so she was damn sure that Edwin couldn’t achieve such a feat with medieval science alone. She was practically certain he was using magic—the only thing keeping her from declaring it an undeniable truth was that she had no solid evidence.

            But that didn’t necessarily make him a bad person. The only reason any of them had to dislike him so far was that he was practically snatching Gaius’ job out from underneath him, but even that seemed to be mostly Uther’s doing. The King just would not stop lavishing praise on the man. No wonder Gaius was feeling so unappreciated.

            She wondered as she headed through the castle how it would all turn out. If Edwin did steal Gaius’ job, what would Gaius do then? Would Uther still let him live in the castle—they were supposedly old friends, after all—or would he have to give his chambers up to Edwin, too?

            Maybe they were worrying about nothing, she thought. Maybe Edwin would simply take his reward and move on from Camelot, and they could all go on as normal. She hoped that would be the case as she knocked on Morgana’s door.

            It was Gwen who answered, and she greeted Jada with a smile. “Jada! What are you doing here?”

            “I just wanted to come and ask how Morgana is doing,” she replied.

            “Much better, thank you.” Morgana herself appeared behind Gwen, fully dressed and looking as healthy and regal as ever. “It was sweet of you to come and visit.”

            Jada smiled. “It’s no problem. I’m just glad you’re feeling better. My, uh…” She couldn’t stop her face from falling. “My uncle had a brain haemorrhage a few years back.”

            “Oh,” Morgana said. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

            “I didn’t know him very well or anything, but he couldn’t walk afterwards. They even had to teach him how to speak again.” She pulled herself back into the present, giving a shrug. “Wish we could have had whatever Edwin did, but what can you do, eh?”

            Jada watched Morgana’s expression carefully, but her features only conveyed pity. “Well, I’m sure once Edwin’s remedy is perfected, he’ll release it to the people. It may not help your uncle, I know…” She gave Jada a comforting smile. “But at least it will stop anyone else from suffering.”

            “Of course,” Jada agreed, smiling in return.

            “I’m afraid I must be off, now,” Morgana admitted. “Apparently Uther’s sent Edwin on some sort of investigation, and he wants Arthur and I to be there to listen to his findings.” She didn’t look particularly thrilled by the prospect, but Jada supposed that she probably had little choice in the matter.

            “Of course,” she replied, stepping out of the way of the door. “I’ll let you go to them, then.”

            Morgana flashed her a devilish grin as she stepped out of her room. “Oh, and don’t think I’ve forgotten about our training session. You won’t be getting out of it that easily.”

            She headed off down the corridor with her head held high, leaving Jada grinning after her. Jada nodded a farewell to Gwen, before turning and heading off in the opposite direction.

            Her guess that Morgana might know what Edwin had used was a long shot, but at least she was certain now that she wasn’t hiding anything from them in that regard. Her next best guess was probably Merlin; he had been helping Edwin lug his equipment about after all. Maybe there was some proof that Edwin was using magic there.

            She wasn’t sure what exactly she’d do if she did manage to find proof. Maybe they could induct Edwin into their little sorcerer’s support group, in which Merlin was currently the only sorcerer while Jada acted as the support. Merlin would probably appreciate having a magical buddy, she thought. It’d be nice for him.

            She’d have to wait until tomorrow to find out what he knew, however, as with all the running about between Arthur and Edwin he usually wasn’t home until late. But, if she caught him whilst he was doing the laundry, they’d be able to have a good long chat away from any prying ears. It was the perfect plan. She just had to get up early enough to execute it.

            The next morning, Jada headed straight for the servants’ quarters, hoping to catch Merlin before he left them and returned to Arthur’s chambers. She was running later than she’d planned, but as she rounded a corner into a new corridor, she spotted Merlin hurrying towards her from the opposite end. He didn’t appear to have noticed her, seeming deep in thought from the furrow between his brows, but he was moving fast and without any form of laundry on him.

            “Merlin?” Jada called. He glanced up, but his frown didn’t soften much as he recognised her. “What’s up?”

            “Uther’s sacked Gaius,” he replied. “He’s replacing him with Edwin.”

            “He’s sacked him?”

            Merlin nodded. “I’m going to see Gaius now.”

            Jada nodded, wordlessly falling in step beside him. She accompanied him all the way down to Gaius’ room, where he burst through the door to find Gaius busy packing his things into bags.

            “Gaius!” Merlin exclaimed. “Uther cannot do this to you. You tried to save Morgana.”

            Gaius seemed to have resigned himself to his fate, a strange sense of calm hanging over him. “Uther’s not to blame.”

            “I will speak to Edwin,” Merlin offered. “You can work together.”

            “No, you mustn’t do anything.”

            “I can’t stand by and do nothing!”

            “Uther’s right. It’s time I stepped down.”

            Jada frowned; Gaius loved his work. She couldn’t imagine him giving it up that easily, after just one mistake.

            Merlin seemed only just to have noticed that Gaius was packing. “What are you doing?”

            “I cannot stay when there’s no longer a use for me,” Gaius stated simply.

            “You’re not leaving.”

            “I believe it’s for the best.”

            Merlin suddenly stood up straighter. “Then I will come with you.”

            Jada turned to him sharply, but Gaius gave him a small smile. “Merlin, you’re like a son to me. I never expected such a blessing so late in life.”

            Merlin softened. “And you are more than a father to me.”

            “Then, as a father, I must tell you; you must remain here,” Gaius said. “Camelot is where you belong.”

            “But you belong here, too.”

            “Not anymore.” He stepped forwards, placing both hands on Merlin’s shoulders. “Merlin, you must promise me you will not waste your gifts.”

            Merlin shook his head in frustration. “My gifts mean nothing without you to guide me.”

            “You have a great destiny. If I have had a small part to play in that, then I am pleased.”

            “There’s so much I’ve yet to learn. I need you to teach me.”

            “I’m afraid I’m leaving here tonight, Merlin,” Gaius answered, returning to his packing. “And there’s nothing you can do or say that can persuade me otherwise.”

            A stubborn determination hardened Merlin’s features. “I will not let this happen.” He spun on his heel, sweeping out the door as quickly as he had entered.

            In the quiet that followed, Jada turned to Gaius, her arms folded. “Where will you go?”

            He sighed. “I do not know. Perhaps somewhere far from Camelot, where I may live out the rest of my days in peace.”

            “What about Merlin?”

            Gaius looked after his ward, worry evident in his eyes. “He has a wise head on his shoulders. He just has to remember to use it.” He turned his gaze back to Jada, serious now. “Promise me you’ll look after him? You’ll be the only one in Camelot who knows his secret, now. You’ll have to protect it with your life.”

            She felt the weight of such a promise hang over her. “I can’t teach him anything. Who is he supposed to learn from with you gone?”

            Once more, Gaius looked to the door. “I fear that advancing his magic will be the least of his worries in the coming days.”

            Jada frowned, leaning in. “Gaius? What do you mean?”

            Gaius looked as though he considered giving in to her, but at the last second, he reconsidered. “It does not matter now; the decision has already been made. But he will need someone to protect him from those that would do him harm.”

            “I will. I promise, I will,” Jada swore, no less confused. “But Gaius, you’re giving me more questions than answers, here.” She looked to the door, then back at him. “There’s nobody else here. Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

            Still, Gaius looked reluctant, so Jada leant in closer, dropping her voice so that it would be impossible for anybody eavesdropping to hear. “Gaius, I can’t protect him if I don’t know where the danger’s coming from.”

            Finally, Gaius’ resolve gave way. “I fear that Edwin may not be as benevolent as he seems.”

            “I think he’s using magic. But what would he have against Merlin?”

            “Merlin is but a means to an end,” Gaius explained. “His real target is Uther.”

            “Revenge? I wouldn’t blame him, if he does have magic.”

            “Jada,” Gaius scolded. “People’s lives are in danger. If Edwin finds out that I have mentioned even a word of this to you, he will tell Uther that Merlin has magic.”

            Jada inhaled sharply, feeling the anger build inside her. “Does he have proof?”

            “I don’t know. But if he does go to Uther, it will be almost impossible to prove Merlin innocent. Once the King hears ‘magic’, his mind is already made up.”

            “Then what can we do? How do we stop Edwin?”

            “I’m afraid we cannot. That is why I must leave.” He plopped another folded robe into his bag.

            Jada straightened up again. “We leave Edwin to kill Uther, so that Merlin won’t get hurt?” Gaius didn’t nod, but from the look on his face she knew she was right. “Then what? Will Edwin just leave after he’s done what he came for? Or will he move in here, with Merlin, and carrying on posing as an actual physician?”

            “I’m afraid I do not know,” Gaius admitted. “That is why you must look after him.”

            She squared her shoulders, nodding once. “Does Merlin know?”

            “No. I’ve managed to keep it from him. If he were to find out, Edwin would tell Uther.”

            “I’ll figure something out,” Jada said. “Don’t worry.”

            If Edwin thought he could threaten her friends and get away with it, he was sorely mistaken.

            Jada spent the rest of the day in the courtyard with her lute, plucking the strings absently as she watched the people pass her by. Music always helped her think, and there was something soothing about watching all the other people in the castle potter about around her.

            She had to figure out a way to get Merlin out of Edwin’s reach, but that was proving more difficult than she had anticipated. If she told anyone about Edwin now, he’d expose Merlin, and even if she went straight to Uther himself Edwin would have the chance to drag Merlin down with him. She didn’t trust Uther not to simply sentence them both to death, and that was a chance she most definitely was not willing to take.

            She could tell Merlin, but she wasn’t sure how much that would achieve. If Edwin found out he knew, he’d tell. If Merlin told Arthur or Uther, Edwin would tell. The only way they’d be able to silence Edwin for good would be to kill him, and Jada certainly wasn’t about to do that, nor would she put Merlin in a position where he had to in order to save himself.

            It seemed then that she would have to wait for Edwin to enact his plan—whatever that may be—and kill Uther. She’d never have admitted it out loud, and certainly not to Gaius, of all people, but Jada wasn’t sure she’d lose much sleep at night if she looked the other way. Not when Uther was so happy to execute so many innocent people. Not when Merlin risked his life every day just by being in the same kingdom, let alone the same castle. She wouldn’t cry for the King, at any rate.

            But the problem then lay with what Edwin was planning to do after Uther was dead. If he was in Camelot solely to enact his revenge and disappeared into the night once the deed was done, then Jada wouldn’t have a problem. He could leave the city, and then Gaius could come back, and Arthur would hopefully prove to be a less-genocidally-inclined ruler and they could all be happy. She’d expected to find King Arthur on her arrival to Camelot, anyway. Even Lancelot could come back and be the knight he was supposed to be.

            But what was she to do if Edwin remained? She couldn’t expose him even then; he’d just change his threat to telling Arthur instead of Uther. Unless…

            Unless she exposed him for something else entirely, something he couldn’t relate back to Merlin or Gaius. If she managed to find proof of his using magic, and never let on that Gaius had told her everything, he wouldn’t be able to threaten her with spilling Merlin’s secret. For all Edwin knew, Jada had no idea about Merlin having magic. So she could go to Uther with her evidence, say she grew suspicious after Morgana’s miraculous recovery, and let whatever happened, happen. She wondered whether Edwin saving Morgana would save him from execution, or whether Uther’s hatred of magic would completely overrule any gratitude he felt.

            But could Jada knowingly condemn someone to a death sentence? She stopped plucking, setting her lute down and putting her chin in her hands with a sigh. Did she have a choice? Edwin was quite happy to sentence Merlin to the same fate if she didn’t. She could either turn a blind eye and hope he went away eventually, thus choosing to let Edwin kill Uther, or she could try and do something and let Uther kill Edwin. Either way, she was complicit in a man’s death. But if she messed up, that death could be Merlin’s.

            She ran her hands through her hair in frustration, wondering if this was what Merlin felt like every other day. He definitely deserved more breaks, she decided. This stuff was stressful.

            The sun was beginning to set now, a reminder to Jada of just how long she’d been out here with almost nothing to show for it. She’d come to no conclusion, made no decision, and she certainly didn’t feel any closer to making one. She stood up, turning and heading back up the stairs to the castle with her lute in hand. Maybe if she slept on it all, she’d be able to come to a decision by the morning.

            She’d just made it to the first floor of the castle when a body slammed into her, rounding a corner and knocking her backwards from the force of the impact.

            The air was knocked out of her with an “Oof” sound, quickly followed by a confused, “Merlin?”

            “Sorry!” Merlin exclaimed, pausing only long enough to steady her before beginning to dash off again.

            “Merlin? What’s going on?” she called after him.

            “Uther has Morgana’s sickness!” he shouted back over his shoulder. “I have to find Edwin!”

            He sprinted off again, moving fast for someone so gangly, and leaving Jada frozen with horror. Edwin? Whatever was going on, she would be damned if she let Merlin stumble into the man’s grasp alone. As quickly as she could, she set off after him.

            Merlin had only just burst into the room when she arrived, and as she rounded the corner onto the corridor where Edwin’s chambers lay she heard him demand, “What are you doing?”

            Jada skidded to a halt just behind him, finding Gaius trapped in the centre of a ring of fire and Edwin smirking off to the other side of the room.

            “He was trying to kill the King! I couldn’t let him,” Gaius cried.

            “I can rule the kingdom now, with you at my side,” Edwin said, turning to Merlin with a voice like honey. Jada felt the disgust rise within her, quickly turning to anger. “We can be all-powerful.”

            “Release him!” Merlin ordered, casting aside Edwin’s proposition without a second thought.

            Edwin gave a small shrug. “Your loss, Merlin.”

            His gaze turned to a pair of axes displayed on the wall, and as they all watched, one of them began to float out of its holder. With no warning, it turned and hurled itself towards Merlin, heading straight for his head.

            On instinct, Jada grabbed him from behind to try and pull him to safety, the two of them staggering backwards in a panic and the lute falling noisily to the floor, but the axe only followed Merlin’s movements. With a flash of gold, he managed to halt it mere inches from his face.

            Edwin’s voice was unfazed, though Jada couldn’t take her eyes off the axe that hovered so close to them.

            “Svelt Merlin,” he commanded.

            The axe shuddered, the magic of the two opposing wills fighting for dominance over it, and then suddenly it was hurtling back through the air towards Edwin. It struck its target with a dull thud, and Edwin fell to the ground, motionless. Dimly, Jada’s brain registered the fire surrounding Gaius shrinking before it vanished completely, but her gaze remained fixed in horror on Edwin’s form.

            Merlin turned to Gaius, his voice shaky. “Are you all right?”

            “Yes,” Gaius replied breathlessly. “Thank you, Merlin.”

            Merlin turned back to the body and straightened up, his jacket slipping through Jada’s frozen fingers. All of a sudden, he seemed to remember why he had come in the first place, springing back into action and rifling through Edwin’s equipment.

            “What are you doing?” Gaius asked.

            “Uther’s ill, the same thing Morgana had.” He picked up a small wooden box and opened it, showing the contents to Gaius. “Edwin said he used these to cure Morgana. Maybe we can too.”

            Gaius crossed over to stand beside Merlin, his voice incredulous. “Elanthia beetles.”

            “Are they magical?”

            “Yes,” Gaius replied. “They can be enchanted to enter the brain, feed on it until they devour the person’s very soul.” Suddenly, his voice became urgent. “We must go to him.”

            The two headed immediately for the door where Jada was still standing, so she turned and followed behind them in a daze. She could hardly feel her limbs moving, but before she knew it they had arrived at Uther’s chambers. The three of them gathered round the bed, watching the King’s still form uneasily. His only movement was the shallow rise and fall of the blankets over his chest.

            “How do we get the beetle out before it kills him?” Merlin asked, his voice hushed.

            “It can only be magic,” came Gaius’ reply.

            Merlin turned to him in fear. “We can’t use magic on Uther; he’d kill us!”

            “We don’t have a choice.”

            “Gaius!”

            “There are times when it is necessary.”

            Suddenly, Jada was angry, her daze shattering around her. “Necessary?” she snapped. “To what? Risk your life to save someone who would happily burn you alive?”

            Gaius’ eyebrow raised slightly, but he decided instead to ignore her, concentrating his efforts on convincing Merlin. “It is your right.”

            “What does that even mean?” Jada cried, refusing to be ignored so easily.

            By contrast, Merlin’s voice was quiet. “I don’t know how.”

            “If you don’t…” Gaius turned to look at Uther gravely. “He’s going to die.”

            “Why don’t you do it then? Merlin-”

            “Jada.” Somehow, Merlin’s soft voice was enough to check her blazing anger, and he gave her a small, quick smile as she turned to him. “It’s all right.”

            Her fury died in her throat, and Merlin moved around the bed to stand by Uther’s head. He set the box down on the bedside table, then knelt beside the King on the mattress. Merlin placed both of his hands carefully on either side of Uther’s head, closing his eyes in concentration.

            “Berbay odothay arisan yeldo,” he murmured, scrunching his face up in concentration. “Ablinan.”

            Gaius leant forward. “What’s happening?”

            After a few quiet seconds, Merlin moved his hands, slowly bringing them away from Uther’s head as he stood up again. He held his right palm out, revealing a small black beetle lying still in the centre of it.

            Gaius looked incredulously at the beetle, then up at Merlin’s face. “Has anyone ever told you you’re a genius?”

            Merlin grinned. “You certainly haven’t.”

            The two of them began to laugh in relief, until Uther let out a groan. His eyelids slid open, and he looked at them in confusion for a few moments before suddenly bolting upright.

            “Edwin,” he said, though whether it was a statement or a question, Jada could not tell.

            “He released an Elanthia beetle to devour your brain, sire,” Gaius explained.

            “Luckily Gaius was able to retrieve it,” Merlin added hastily. Gaius looked at him for a moment in surprise.

            “Lucky, indeed,” Uther nodded. “But where is Edwin now? He must be brought to justice.”

            “Uh…” Gaius gave Merlin another look, seeming to decide somehow on a story with no external communication. “We’ll look into it, sire.”

Chapter 15 ->

[aching-tummies]

Rating Game?

Debating doing a kink-rating thing. I see it a lot on tumblr and I've been considering getting in on it and trying to do one. Not sure what form I want that to take though. Like, people send me a kink/theme/one-sentence-scenario or whatever and I'll try to rank it?

Also kind of want to do some list-ranking thing at the end, like if there's one thing or another that I'd consistently rank higher or be more in the mood for than other stuff.

Maybe starting it out with a simple 5-bin scale?

Hard Nope | Nope | Indifferent | Low interest | Yup |

Ramble-y explanation and ground-rules under the cut for those that care.

I've avoided doing this kind of thing in the past because even I haven't been sure of my preferences/boundaries. Those are things I've been figuring out since the beginning of this blog, to be honest. This entire blog is basically me archiving my preferences and such and whatever I fancy in regards to tum-stuff. Honestly, every time I remember writing the first posts on here, I'm amazed at what this blog has turned into and what I've learned about my own preferences as I've had more and more fun on this blog. Part of the reason I haven't done one of these rankings up until now was because I was never confident I'd have the right words and the ranking scale terrified me because some people take it too seriously or assume once and always and I didn't want to put my foot down on stuff or whatever or be forced to try and explain myself (because I didn't have words yet for how I feel about some things). Honestly, I still don't know if I have the right words to figure out how I feel on some stuff...but this ask game will give me an opportunity to try...and if I still can't then I guess that'll be a bridge I just am not ready to cross.

All that being said, some ground-rules:

1) This is a fun little game and I will not entertain people that take my rankings as some personal attack. This ranking is based on my own preferences on whether or not I am into the thing--I am not judging people that would rank the thing higher or are super into the thing in question--this ranking game is literally just my own personal preferences and is not being used to judge or attack others that may have different preferences.

2) Preferences may change in time, but when it happens it should be 100% my own choice. A 'Nope' ranking is not meant to mean 'convince me'--it means 'not into this at this point in my life--whether or not that changes in the future is up in the air, but if it does (or does not), that is my right/choice and mine alone and I'd prefer not to be pestered or pressured into liking something someone else likes'.

3) I reserve the right to provide explanation or not to. Some of these may just get a ranked rather than explained...if that happens, odds are that I just couldn't figure out a concise way to phrase whatever my thoughts on the thing in question are. If it’s something I really don’t want to see on my blog even in passing, I reserve the right to simply not post that specific one. I’m not 100% sure on my preferences and comfort-levels on things but if I see something I feel like I’m not ready to address, it won’t be posted until such a time that I feel like I can respond to it properly. 

[tabbyrp]

The fact that Peter hadn’t seen Fight Club was both a surprise, and not. Trying to imagine his Aunt May popping out the DVD for some casual Sunday afternoon entertainment almost made Tabby’s lip twitch. Her ex, Tony, had loved it, naturally. Said the story was about being a real man. Tabby was neither a cinephile nor particularly prone to over analyzing whether a director’s choice in mise en scene meant something profound, but even she suspected the film was making finer points about masculinity and society than what Tony had gleaned from it.

She did nearly squeeze in a joke how Peter had currently gotten the more obscure rule six right by being without either shirt or shoes. Except he did that slump of his shoulders that somehow resembled a puppy rolling over in surrender. The gesture disarmed and forced Tabby to give Peter his fair chance to rebut all her points. A rookie mistake, she soon realised, when matters got flipped back to her job.

No, she didn’t go running to Peter every time there was a work-related problem. If Tabby was being even more honest, there was even that occasion where she hadn’t extracted herself fast enough from an alcohol-infused situation and ended up with a black eye as recompense. That week it had been her asking Peter for a raincheck on their coffee catch up. If he had turned up unexpectedly on her doorstep, and began pressing for a name in the spirit of retribution, would she have provided one? Hypocrisy wasn’t part of her nature so when Peter wrapped up his argument, all she could do was scrunch her nose up in defeat and offer a small, if begrudging, nod of acknowledgement.

Switching to reminiscing about those school years where Peter lived at the bottom of the social hierarchy shouldn’t have brought any levity. He managed to squeeze it in somehow, with that patented Parker charm, and while Tabby couldn’t quite manage to match his laugh, she did give a wry smile and roll of her eyes. Unbidden emerged an old memory of looking up the Midtown enrolment criteria, indulging in a wistful fantasy of transferring. Every piece of information on the website made it impossible from the get-go. The younger version of herself had soothed the disappointment with the knowledge that even if she had somehow gotten in, an expulsion for fighting Flash Thompson was inevitable.

Things had changed since then though, hadn’t they? During that tumultuous period around the tragedy of his Uncle Ben, the bullying halted, and Peter stopped being that lanky kid. He grew not just into his body but himself. Tabby… she had always been the little spitfire chihuahua, ready to bite the ankles of anyone who wronged him. But Peter didn’t need a micro guard dog anymore. He hadn’t for a long time and maybe – just maybe – she needed to accept that.

The realisation stung enough that when Peter threw out the lifeline of a forgotten delivery run, Tabby happily latched onto it and shoved the uncomfortable feelings into the box where they belonged. She scooped up the bag and handed it over like a peace offering. “I figured it was that time of the week when you’d realise your fridge was empty. So here is a very nutritionally balanced stash of candy, some soda and a cuban with extra pickles. Pickles count as one of your daily vegetables, the internet says so.”

Amid the quips, Tabby grew increasingly aware that Peter was still wrapped in merely a towel and might possibly be getting tired of having his battered body on display. That tomorrow, or some point in the future, this would become a funny story either of them could throw back at the other. Right now, even if the debate and discussions were over, the ship of their friendship back on an even keel, the only way to describe the night had been awkward.

At least he’d only been naked and not naked with a girl.

Great. Why did she have to picture that? 

“Anyway…” Shooting him a pair of finger guns as if all the charisma had left her being, Tabby began retreating backwards towards the door. “I’m gonna leave you to, like, eat, if you want. Or get dressed. Or… do whatever you were planning on doing. And I promise, next time I’ll knock first.”

Peter had no illusions that his attempts to deflect, defuse, and disarm social situations were anything more than amateur, even after all these years of doing it. He was more wise to the image he presented than he let on, but the fact was, quite simply, he didn't want to be good at lying to people he cared about. The burden he carried was one he'd chosen for himself... the only way he could see clear to honoring his uncle's memory, and atoning for the mistake he'd made in deciding not to get involved when the chance had presented itself.

But nobody else in his life had chosen that commitment alongside him, and there was no way he could ask them to without putting them in an utterly impossible position. How could he offer them that knowledge and then ask them to make a choice? The burden of his secret was his, and his alone. His mission would never meet with Aunt May's approval. She abhorred violence in any form, couldn't even stand to see wrestling matches or football on television, let alone any footage of what Spider-Man or the X-Men or the Avengers or any of a dozen other New York superheroes had done today. And then there had been Gwen...

Well. The NYPD still had a lot to say about what awful, undeserved tragedy had befallen the Stacy family at the hands of the friendly neighborhood wall-crawler.

All of which flashed through his mind in an instant between breaths, as Tabby made her case for honesty. And for just a moment, a fleeting passage of a second and change... he could feel his face faulting. The veneer, thin as crystal glass, cracking along the fault line that existed in between his eyebrows and alongside the vein in his forehead, down one side of his nose and to the point of his chin. Like his face was a mirror at which she'd just cast a stone.

But just as quickly, the lines of his face smoothed out, the mirror reforming itself, and one corner of his mouth tugged outward again. "You know, I've never seen the movie? But I've heard the first rule about Fight Club is you're not supposed to talk about it. So if I was in one, wouldn't I be breaking the very first rule by telling you?"

Yet another convenient sidestep, and with no more deftness to it than any other he'd ever performed in her presence. And there was exactly zero chance that she would accept that on its face, so rather than let that dangle in the air for her to challenge, he released a sigh and let his shoulders fall a little. "What’re you expecting me to say? I mean, we're _all_ going through something, Tabs. I got into a stupid and dangerous situation today, yeah, but it's not like that happens all the time. That's gotta happen with you, too, like at your job, doesn't it? But doesn't automatically mean you're gonna want to tell me all the sordid details of some drunk jerk trying to..." Then he held up a hand. "Actually there's a lot of ways that sentence can go and I don't like any of them, so I'll just leave that where it is. Just… I hear you when you’re saying I can trust you. So I hope you hear me when I say you can trust me, too. If there was something going on that I needed to tell you about, I would."

He gestured to the bruises and bandages on his body. “This’ll heal up, and probably faster than we think.” A light laugh escapes him. “Remember the year we met? Mr. Elledge said I had a split lip so often it was starting to look like a fashion statement. Ms. Robinson kept saying to send a search party for me in my own locker. I think my body got used to taking a thrashing from bigger guys. I don’t want you to feel like you’ve gotta worry about it. It’s already taken care of.”

He let that hang in the space between them for a protracted moment, his eyes fully set on hers to convey the earnestness of that last statement. Everything else might be various shades of gray, but there was solid truth in that his injuries were no threat to him, and would heal rapidly. Then his gaze flickered to the brown paper bag she’d dropped on the floor upon sight of him, and jutted his chin in its direction. “Whatcha got there?”

Maybe, just maybe, she’d be inclined to let the matter go and allow the change of subject.

[euphoricsunflowers]

his favorite color is blue - jeon wonwoo

a/n: based on a prompt i sent @pusoatbuwan that she wrote a little bit about. hope you like it starie !!

word count: 3.1k

content: a bit of angst, mostly fluff, mentions of food, college au, non idol au, not proofread lmao

summary: there’s this guy in your history class who is so attractive, but he’s cold and closed off. guess you gotta fix that.

the first time you spoke to jeon wonwoo did not go as well as you intended.

he’s comfortably sitting by himself near the bookshelves at the college’s library and he looks up from his book at the person tapping his shoulder, not exactly annoyed but he thinks he probably looks it, “can i help you?” he asks.

“yeah, actually, i actually really need help with something,” you say, taking the seat next to him without even asking. it’s not like he owns the place but you are kind of in his space for being in a mostly empty library, “you’re in my history 12 class right?”

“i think so,” he says cautiously, closing his book because he’s assuming he’s not going to be able to get back to it for at least a couple minutes.

“do you know how the professor wants us to write this paper? because i swear i have no idea how he wants us to write a paper on reconstruction when the only sources he’s letting us use are completely unrelated. also, have you even done it yet? because it was assigned like a week ago and i haven’t even opened a google doc yet,” you just seem to go on and on, “plus i don’t even take notes in class because he’s just so boring so i barely know what’s going on.”

wonwoo, while now a bit annoyed, tries to not be rude in his response. he feels it in his bones that you’re going to ask to copy his notes and probably plagiarize his paper too, but he doesn’t do that. not for anyone, “i’m sorry,” no he’s not, “but can you ask someone else?”

he sees you visibly deflate, your voice going from bursting with energy to dead and flat in seconds, “oh, uhm, yeah sure. i was just-” you start, but stop yourself, “nevermind. sorry for bothering you, wonwoo.”

he feels this sinking feeling in his stomach like he just made the wrong move. like all his life he had been making choices like a character in a game, and this moment felt like choosing the wrong one. he almost sees a ‘they will remember that’ over your head, as you get your stuff together enough to get up and find a different seat.

“wait,” he says, almost instinctively. he doesn’t even know why he said it, but now you’re looking at him expectantly and he now he has to say something, “what were you gonna say?”

you pause for a moment, debating on whether or not he was worth answering, before chuckling to yourself, “i just wanted to be friends, maybe complain a bit about my overwhelming classes. sorry for bothering.”

you’re looking at him sharply now, as if you could see through his skull and read his every thought like words on paper. you nailed exactly what he was thinking without you even saying it. i wasn’t trying to use you, i just wanted a friend and he almost felt embarrassed, “oh.” was the only thing he said.

you chuckle again before walking off.

he feels his heart pounding in his chest.

—

the second time, it was him who approached.

he figures that he was, indeed, the asshole last time, so when he walks into the library to find you sitting by yourself, ironically reading just like he was, it’s him that sits next to you.

he has no grand introduction, just sitting at the seat next to you as he pulls out his laptop to type his assignment for another class. you pull out an earbud as you notice him, “hey there?” you say awkwardly.

“it was a stupid paper,” he admits, looking over at you, “the sources were completely unrelated and i honestly wrote a good four pages of nonsense.”

it leaves you stunned, but you take the victory where you see it. and you see it just on the corner of his lip. he’s smiling at you.

it makes you smile too, “i can do you one better,” you say, leaning in closer to add some suspense, “i wrote a good five pages of nonsense.”

you sit in a much more comfortable silence than before, working on your own stuff together for a good 30 minutes. he’s typing away on his laptop while you’re reading a book for a class that is so boring that you spend the whole time thinking about him. the really cute guy from your history class. he’s super quiet and a little bit closed off, but somehow you got him coming to you. you turn to look at him, waiting for him to look back, before you say anything.

“i’ve actually gotta get going. i told nayeon i’d meet her for starbucks after her lecture on the different classifications of bones. you know, as like a treat for sitting through something so painful,” you chuckle at your own words.

“yeah, that’s fine,” he says, going back to looking at his computer, “i’ll see you later.”

“actually-” you start to say, catching his attention again, “could i have your phone number? maybe we could plan to meet up next time.”

he doesn’t know why but his heart is pounding the same way it did when you first walked away from him, but this time you’re still here staring into his soul.

he worries his silence is an answer you’ll take as a no, so he remembers to get out of his head, “sure.”

another win for you.

—

the third time, the fourth time, and the fifth time all kind of blend together. maybe it had something to do with they were all in the span of 72 hours, but every it seemed you would text him that you were in the library and he could come sit with you if he wanted. every day, almost like clockwork, he popped into the library maybe 20 minutes after you messaged him, scanning the building for you and taking a seat beside you once he found you. he would either work on his assignments or read his book, while you would do something similar.

it wasn’t until meeting #6 that anything had really happened. of course your conversations were getting less and less awkward as you settled into a pattern of you talking a lot and him talking a little bit until one of you had to go.

this time, though, you had brought something for him, “here,” you said, already rushing to explain before he even had a chance to ask what and why, “you’ve been telling me you’re tired for 3 days straight, or at least agreeing with me when i say it. you like iced americanos, right? i even got you an extra shot.”

he doesn’t say anything but his nod along with the small smile on his face as he sips the straw says he most definitely does like it. he drinks it slowly, so much so that by the time he’s halfway done all the ice had melted; you had been finished with yours for at least 10 minutes at that point. the caffeine hits him after about 20, though, and the energy is really what he needs. he sits there, sipping his coffee, as you casually talk about your classes and the like, as usual.

“oh and i have to fill out this philosophy study guide with some arguments that socrates made. i don’t even know what’s going on and all i know is that socrates just goes around making annoying men feel dumb and i love that for him,” you say.

normally he’d just chuckle and that would be the end of it, but this time he thinks about it more. he takes philosophy, he had to do the argument study guide, in fact, he did it last night. he doesn’t need to do anything about your problem though. there’s plenty of time until it’s due tonight, and unless you ask for it he won’t even mention he’s done it.

“not to mention that i haven’t even been sleeping well, but i mean, does any college student? do you sleep well?” you ask, nodding your head at him to indicate you were asking him specifically if he sleeps well.

and yet he can’t think about himself for a moment. the second you started speaking he noticed all the things that said you haven’t been sleeping well before you did. your quad shot latte, the bags under your eyes, your slouching posture. you looked exhausted, frankly.

so he doesn’t even answer your question, instead saying, “you should go home and take a nap then.”

you just can’t seem to stop laughing at him, like what he’s saying is the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever heard, “were you even listening to me? or are you just in your own little world?”

he caved when he sees that exasperated smile. looking back on it, this was the moment he realized that it would become his job, his responsibility, to care for you if you couldn’t care for yourself.

he pulls the philosophy study guide out of his backpack, handing it to you, “take a picture of it and just copy it down. i can’t memorize them all for you but call me if you’re confused.” he can tell you’re a bit stunned, but eventually cave and take a picture of it, front and back, and then hand it back to him.

“thank you, wonwoo, i really appreciate it. i owe you one.”

no, you don’t owe him anything.

—

the semester ends faster than he wants it to. he’s enjoying meeting up with you at the library a couple times a week, and even though the coffee was a one time thing on your part, he starts to bring stuff for you too. he starts carrying a charger because you complain that your phone is always dying or an extra sweater because they keep it so cold in there. every time he sees that relief and gratitude on your face he feels a sense of inner pride. he’s grown to really love doing all this for you.

especially because his boundaries with letting people copy his homework have been, in all honestly, eroded when it comes to you. even in your classes he doesn’t take, he’s somehow doing your homework for you, disguising it as him being done with his (he’s not he has literally so much to do) and wanting to be helpful somehow.

he never complains though because now you come to the library more refreshed and energized than before and he’s thriving off of seeing you do well. the complaining about stress turns into passionate rants about hobbies and interests, until he feels like he could ace a test about you.

but the semester ends with you going right back to being a stressed disaster as finals overtake your life. he helps where he can, but he’s also overwhelmed and he barely has enough time in the day to stay afloat in his classes.

—

january is cold. it’s also a sad time for him, the seasonal depression hitting him harder when he realizes the happiness of his last semester is coming to a quick end. he hasn’t gotten a text from you in two weeks and it feels like, now that you’ve gotten what you needed out of him, you’ve left him to drown.

he wonders how he could have been so naive to think that you weren’t going to use him. he thinks back with an outsider perspective to your relationship, one of one-sided conversations and history quiz answers. he wonder if you even knew anything about him.

he knows your favorite color, do you know his?

—

“blue,” you said, when he confronted you about his feelings, about feelings invisible and used. he didn’t even mention the favorite color thing. you just knew, “your favorite color is blue,” his eyes soften, and you continue to list things off about him, like they were on a top 10 fun facts list, “you’re afraid of dogs and you don’t like seafood and you like sad music before you go to bed.”

“i never told you those things, how do you know?”

“you say you’re the only one listening, but i’m clearly the only one looking,” you say, “i bring up how i like the color blue, and your smile gives away how you like it too. i recount my childhood dog and the scar i have from him biting my hand and you got pale. i tell you all about this new sushi place i went to that was incredible, and your face told me you were disgusted. i say how i like listening to love songs while i’m winding down before bed, and you nod your head like you do something similar, plus i’ve seen your spotify.”

his heart is aching as he wants to hold your hands and he wants to stop you from talking because god he can’t bare to listen to you pour your heart out like this.

“wonwoo, you’ve always had my attention, i was never just going to up and leave,” he berates himself for even thinking something so preposterous, “i am always grateful for you, i don’t take for granted how graciously you help me, and i have no intentions to sweet talk you into doing my homework for me while i forget about you. i want you to stop thinking like that.”

he supposes he’s truly an idiot.

—

he can tell you’re still a bit shaken by his confrontation, but you still agree to go out for coffee with him. he’s known your order for months now, but he puts less espresso in it than you used to, hoping that you don’t really notice (you do) in hopes that it helps you sleep better (it does).

you made him promise to believe you when you said you valued him as a friend. friend. besides his buddies he had his whole childhood, he doesn’t make many of those.

he keeps his promise. when he looks at you, he believes you. he sees genuine care and love he doesn’t see from anyone else.

this next semester you only share one class, yet he still finds a way to get you homework answers for anything you ask for. he’ll search the whole internet for answer keys or even just straight up do things himself. he’ll drop off lunch for you on days he knows you don’t have time to go get food.

yeah, basically he’s down bad, and only now realizing it.

—

he finds you asleep next to your computer at 9:33pm one random tuesday at some seating outside the library after you left when it closed for the night. he sees that you were about to click submit for an assignment that was due at 11:59, but must have passed out before you could.

he submits it for you, and then packs your back for you, only waking you up when he’s done. those extra seconds of beauty sleep matter, “hey, sleeping beauty. time to go home.” he says.

you groans, standing up and stretch, before slouching and leaning up against him once he stands up too. he gets flustered when you wrap your arms around him and give him the longest hug of his life. he feels like he’s suffocating but in the best way.

“you need to go home and go to bed,” he says, getting another groan from you, “do you want to be carried to your car? i’ll drive you home. we’ll figure out what to do with mine in the morning.”

you nod at everything he says, which is just the cutest thing to him. he picks you up piggyback style and carries you the half-mile walk it is from the library to the parking lot. he spots your car immediately.

he’s driving you home, and you’re practically asleep, but still manage to invite him in. it’s not like he can go anywhere. how are you going to leave in the morning if you didn’t have your car? it makes him think he really could have just taken his to drive you home, but in the moment he wasn’t thinking too well and he really just wanted to get you home and safe.

he crashes on your couch, even after incessant pleading on your part to just sleep in your bed with you, it’s not that weird, it’s the least you could do for him. it’s not that it is weird, but he’s shy and will definitely not get any sleep.

—

you get up in the middle of the night to see him up as well. he was restless and you just wanted some water. you end up talking a little bit, low and quiet voices, as you drink your water.

“can i tell you something?” he asks.

“always,” you say. tell me anything and everything about you, “what is it?”

“im really grateful for you,” he says with his heart on his sleeve. he’s not intoxicated in the slightest but the exhaustion may be having a similar effect on his decision making, “you make my life so much better.”

“how so?” you ask. tell me you love me, please.

“i think i didn’t realize what i was missing out on when i was living my ‘never make any friends’ life, but you make my life so much brighter. i feel so happy and content when i’m with you.”

“i am too,” you say, “i can’t help but adore you every time you rush to try and help me with any problem i have.”

he’s blushing so badly, thank god for the lack of light, “and i can’t help but want to be that person that you rely on to help you. i want to be there bringing you coffee and meals and homework answers every day. i want to do that for you for the rest of our lives.”

say it, he says to himself, say it now.

“i am so badly in love with you,” he says.

he searches for a response in just your eyes, refusing to trust your lips when your verbal replay comes. he sees nothing but adoration in your eyes, and, just like he promised to, he makes himself believe it.

you smile at him, except this one is different. it’s less youthful and less from laughter than before. your smile is so warm and inviting that he feels like he could tell you his deepest secrets without question, that’s how comfortable it makes him.

you press your forehead to his as he smiles back. you whisper, “i’m in love with you too.” it feels like a scream with how powerful it is, but it was nothing more than a whisper, “stay with me forever.”

you already know the answer.

[twistedtummies2]

Good & Evil - Misunderstood Villains

Welcome to Good & Evil: A Study of Heroes & Villains. I’m discussing different forms of heroic and villainous characters, different types of protagonists and antagonists, and providing examples of them each from various sources. Last time I talked about Misunderstood Heroes; in typical fashion for this event, I follow that up with their parallel archetype, Misunderstood Villains.

Misunderstood Villains are characters who can work one of two ways: most typically, they are essentially Misunderstood Heroes being seen from the wrong end of the telescope. Instead of being protagonists whom the audience is aware are in the right, but are ironically perceived as evil by the world around them, they are instead the reverse: antagonists whom the audience themselves believe to be villains until they are proven to be better than we realized. Others are a bit different: they are characters whom the audience realizes are not as bad as everyone makes them out to be, but they still prove to be antagonistic forces, usually due to circumstance. The one consistent point in both of these interpretations is that the Misunderstood Villain is at least starts off as an antagonistic character; whether they stay that way the whole way through or not depends on the story.

One of the oldest and most definitive examples of the Misunderstood Villain is Frankenstein’s Monster. More specifically, the version found in the classic Universal Monsters movies, as originally played by Boris Karloff. (The book version of the Monster is rather different.) In these monochrome classics, the Monster is ultimately an innocent, childlike figure. He doesn’t fully understand the world around him, and much of the havoc he wreaks is due to happenstance and, of course, misunderstandings. However, as said actions involve murders, kidnappings, and other such things, and as the Monster is generally an antagonistic force in the films, with his creator and other characters acting as the protagonists, he ultimately fits into the Misunderstood Villain archetype: he isn’t ACTUALLY a villain, but he’s clearly not the hero. (Then again, to be fair, neither is Dr. Frankenstein himself, but that’s another story.) The Monster is a poster child for this kind of character, and it’s telling that there are numerous characters inspired by him that follow a similar vein.

On that note, another great movie monster who also fits this archetype is King Kong. Now, Kong, I would argue, is slightly more villainous (at least in his original format), but not necessarily by his own choice or volition. Through practically every interpretation there has been, Kong is consistently shown to be a monster to the world of humanity: a giant man-eating ape with a violent temperament who causes pandemonium galore wherever he walks. However, he’s not necessarily an evil creature, and over the years, Kong has actually been depicted as an increasingly sympathetic being. The reason is because, very simply, Kong is an animal: we feel sorry for him because we realize much of the destruction that follows him is the result of him reacting to the world around him. You can’t really hate a dog when it bites someone while protecting its home; it’s just doing what he has been trained to do, or instinctively feels it must do. Similarly, you can hardly blame a tiger when it mauls someone, because it’s usually just trying to survive. These events, of course, are no less tragic or horrifying, and Kong’s rampages certainly paint him as an antagonistic presence in his own stories, but calling him the “villain” outright is a debatable point.

The TV series “Doctor Who” has actually had NUMEROUS Misunderstood Villains throughout its long running: while a great number of the alien monsters the Doctor and his Companions face are certainly evil beings that need to be fought and destroyed, almost as many have been creatures that are either in some way justified in their actions, or even not that evil at all. One of my favorite examples, introduced during the modern “New Who” era, are the Ood. The Ood, in several of their appearances, are depicted as antagonists, and they certainly have the right look. (Seriously, they’re like a collection of Cthulu Cosplayers dressed up in Evil Empire uniforms.) However, it’s made very clear very quickly that the Ood are not, by nature, evil creatures: in fact, they are peaceful, mild mannered, and trusting. They only become dangerous when either provoked to some form of self-defense, or when under the control of some higher power taking over their minds (or both, on at least one occasion). While they can be terrifying when their dark side shines through, that dark side usually isn’t their fault, and it’s telling that the Doctor usually sympathizes with the Ood, and is more ready to help them than hurt them. They are not, generally speaking, bad guys in the least; any bad things they do are usually against or the result of the REAL villains of whatever story they are featured in.

All three of these previous examples were cases of the audience knowing the Misunderstood Villain is, obviously, Misunderstood, but I find it so much more fascinating when the misunderstanding fools even the audience. The quintessential antagonist of this sort, I would argue, is Professor Snape from the Harry Potter series. In the first book of the series, “Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone” (or the “Sorcerer’s Stone,” as it’s called in the movie and in the US novel releases), Snape at first seems like the bad guy of the story. He’s rude to people in general, and seems to have it out for Harry and his friends, plus…he just LOOKS evil! (Not to mention his name: “Severus Snape” isn’t exactly a moniker that inspires good confidence.) However, by the end of the book, it’s revealed that Snape, despite his nasty qualities, was actually trying to HELP Hogwarts and even Harry throughout the piece, and all the evil things that happened were the result of another character. This ends up becoming a recurring theme throughout the books: Snape is not necessarily a nice person, and saying he’s a hero is a far stretch…but over and over again, we see the same pattern repeated, with Snape seemingly acting as a scoundrel, only for it to be revealed he was actually doing something decent. By the end of his time in the novels, Snape has done some of the worst things any character in the series can do, yet even Harry realizes that his least favorite teacher, one of his arch-nemeses, really isn’t as bad as he always thought. It’s this constant back and forth that makes Snape so intriguing, and a favorite character for many.

On very rare occasions, you’ll find Misunderstood Villains who seem to straddle both sides of this equation. Perhaps the best example I can give there is Papyrus, from the video game Undertale. Much like “Doctor Who,” this game is actually chock full of characters you can call Misunderstood Villains, as the POV player character - Frisk - repeatedly runs into obstacles in the form of antagonistic monsters trying to halt their progress. However, with the exception of the tragic-but-devious Flowey, none of these monsters are actually evil characters: some of them may seem frightening or dangerous at first, but they are ultimately out to do what they feel is best for those they care about, and all of them are reasonable and merciful creatures, provided you act reasonable and merciful to them in turn. Papyrus, however, is my favorite example for one simple reason: Papyrus’ entire gimmick is that…well…he just ACTS like a villain. And not just any kind of villain, no no no, he is a moustache-twirling, Skeletor-inspired, seemingly cartoonishly wicked type of villain. He’s a skeleton with a sharp angular design and crooked smile, dressed in a cape and constantly letting out a “Nyeh-Heh-Heh!” laugh. He conjures up various traps to try and capture your main character, popping up over and over again and calling people “Fools!” and other such things. He’s over-the-top, theatrical…and it becomes pretty clear pretty quickly that, while Papyrus may walk the walk and talk the talk of a stereotypical bad guy, that’s NOT what and who he actually is. In fact, Papyrus is one of the nicest characters in Undertale: he’s extremely friendly when you get to know him, and much more softhearted than you might expect. He SEEMS like a villain, but that’s just kind of how he is. And considering he’s one of the first major Monster antagonists we encounter, he proves to be an important one for the Player. Toriel in the level beforehand became antagonistic towards the end, but it was clear she always had good intentions and desires. Papyrus fools us into thinking he’s the bad guy with his demeanor, but it becomes pretty obvious pretty fast that he’s not as bad as we might believe at first glance.

However the Misunderstood Villain works, they essentially serve the same purpose as the Misunderstood Hero. However, because the Misunderstood Villain is always the antagonist, while the Misunderstood Hero is always the protagonist, they give us a different spin on the concept. Instead of making us cheer for the underdog, Misunderstood Villains teach us that we shouldn’t judge books by their covers. These characters typically not only do seemingly evil things, but also just happen to LOOK evil, which makes judging them as bad guys an easy trap for the audience to fall into, just as it is easy for the characters in the story to fall into. It’s by recognizing the good qualities underneath the superficial darkness that we learn from these types of characters. Just when we’re ready to judge horrible behavior or appearances in a negative way, the Misunderstood Villain shows us that sometimes what seems awful isn’t as bad as we first expected. They encourage us to look before we leap, not just for our own sakes, but for the sake of the people who might help us most…and, sometimes, could really use some help themselves.

[versadies]

hi dan! how are you? congrats on 1k!! for the prompt event, can i request libra + kaeya + fluffy angst in which the reader realizes kaeya is their soulmate when he lies, on a very stressful day for both of them, about them never being a bother when they need a favor, so reader starts avoiding him bc they become unsure on how to act around him? either hc or drabble is fine. thank you so much! have a great day!

bothersome (hc scenario)

penpal: i'm doing fine (other than getting ready for school in a few weeks), hope this is to ur liking anon ! have a great day as well <<3

prompt: libra the scale, lie-tattoo soulmate au

pairing/s: kaeya x gn!reader

sypnosis: hc on how you avoiding kaeya after finding out he’s your soulmate.

includes: fluff/slight-angst, short fic, mentions of alcohol, reader overthinking, mentions of injuries

you need a drink. immediately.

when being assigned to a high class commission for the first time, you honestly thought things will go smoothly, even with reckless pallad tagging along.

but then the two of you came across to three ruin guards, causing you to be ditched by pallad and left you alone to deal with the three mechanics.

by the time you came back to mondstadt, you were filled with bandages covering your bruises and injuries littered all over your body, earning concerned stares from people as you pass by.

you could care less from the attention you received, all that was running through your mind is that you weren't able to complete a once-in-a-lifetime commission and missed your opportunity.

katheryne was more than happy to at least reward you for slaying the three ruin guards that was apparently a commission. despite getting paid by the end of the day, you were still disappointed.

as soon as you claimed your rewards from katheryne, you immediately took a visit to angel's share, hoping to find a certain man to chat with.

your eyes brightens when you spotted kaeya sitting on one of the stools in front of the counter.

"hey," you called, causing kaeya to look at you as he watches you sitting down beside him.

"rough day?" he asks with a teasing grin, gesturing your treated wounds. "how was it?"

you let out a sigh, quietly asking charles to give you your usual drink. "the commission? what can i say if i didn't do it at all?"

kaeya pats your shoulder reassuringly, taking a sip of his drink before putting it down. "care to entertain me with the details?" he asks.

"ruin guards." you said nonchalantly, thanking charles– who gave you your drink. "they all suddenly appeared and my partner ditched me."

he sighs dramatically in response. "what a coward."

you nodded in agreement. "indeed. what about you? got a rough day too?"

kaeya simply shrugs in response. "that's for you to not find out and for me to only know." he replied, swirling his drink around.

you stayed silent for a while, looking down at your glass with a blank look on your face.

now that you think about it, there was one certain commission with a generous reward that you could ask katheryne to let you do– not to mention the fact that with kaeya's help, you can definitely finish this commission in no time.

"say kaeya," you look at the calvary captain curiously, your eyes lands on his. "you don't mind if i ask you a favor, right?"

"are we going to bury or burn the body?" he asks jokingly.

he lets out a light laugh when he sees you rolling your eyes at his joke. "i'm merely jesting. you don't have to worry about being bothersome to me, you can always ask me for a favor."

you smile gratefully at your friend. "you have my thanks, kaeya."

as the both of you continue chatting the night away while enjoying your drink, you couldn't help but notice an itch in your covered arm, your hand constantly scratching on the bandage with irritation.

it wasn't until you removed the bandages the next day when you realized why it was itchy.

you were sure the words imprinted on your arm would haunt you for a while.

"you don't have to worry about being bothersome to me, you can always ask me for a favor."

you stared at the words on your arm for a while, unsure how to feel with your recent discovery. surely this was just a coincidence, right? but what if it wasn't–?

does this mean.. he finds you bothersome and annoying?

you frowned, your hands brushing against the tattoo whilst ignoring the pain from its touch. perhaps you should avoid him and not bother him unless necessary.

you let out a sigh, grabbing the new bandages you got from the cathedral and start wrapping it around your injuries, the thoughts about kaeya's true feelings about you never left your mind.

since then, you started avoiding areas where you know you'll encounter the man, whether it'd be angel's share, the knights of favonius headquarters, and even the entrance of mondstadt, deciding to go to the right entrance of the city and go to katheryne from there during the morning.

you were quite proud that you managed to get away from the calvary captain's sight, not minding the new change of routes and the hindrances you had to do in order to avoid kaeya like a plague.

this went on for a week. you no longer heard of the man and he the same. every time you see at least one glance of his familiar figure, you would immediately head to the opposite direction, ignoring him calling out your name should he notice your presence nearby. you're honestly grateful he didn't try to chase you.

even though you're okay with avoiding him, you couldn't stop your head from thinking about kaeya, wondering if he's now happy that you're no longer bothering him.

it didn't help that you've been debating with yourself on whether or not you should tell kaeya, a person who finds his own soulmate bothersome, that you're his soulmate.

deep down, you knew it was best to tell him, he deserves to know after all. besides, it's not like the world will end if you tell him, right?

you were simply walking around windwail highland– looking for certain items for a commission when you spotted him standing not too far away.

your breath hitches when you see him looking at you direction, spotting you right away. oh crap.

without another thought, you immediately turned away and started jogging to the opposite direction, praying to barbatos that kaeya isn't followin–

"my, i didn't know you'd be a slow runner." you felt your heart jump from kaeya's sudden voice, causing you to stop your tracks in surpirse when you see kaeya jogging alongside you and stopped as well.

he chuckles at your reaction, crossing his arms with a stilled-grin plastered on his face. "so now you're not running away from me anymore?"

you tried to walk away after those words, only for kaeya to suddenly grip your wrist and stop you from going anywhere.

"what do you want, kaeya?" you ask calmly, trying not to look at the man behind you as you stare at the direction ahead.

his grip on your wrist didn't falter. "care to tell me why you're suddenly avoiding me like i'm a plague? did i say something wrong?" he asks.

"it's not that."

you stayed silent, now unsure what to say. you knew that you'd expose yourself right away the moment you lie in front of his face.

you then sighed, looking down at the ground in defeat. it's now or never.

"am i... a bother to you, kaeya?" you questioned, scared of his response. will he lie again?

his grin faltered, taken back by surprise from your question. "what?"

you turn behind to look at kaeya, causing him to let go of your wrist. "i... i need you to be honest with me. am i a bother to you?"

you watched as kaeya stayed silent, looking at you with a serious look. "what made you think of such thing–?"

"remember when i asked you if you wouldn't mind me asking you a favor?" you asked, furrowing your eyebrows. "do you remember what you said to me during that night?"

before kaeya could say anything, you slowly raise your arm to his eye level and lifted up your sleeves, showing him the exact words that he remembered saying on that night.

his grin completely disappeared.

"when i saw this the day after that, i had so many things to think about. i thought i should be happy that you're my soulmate– but why did... why did it had to be because of this lie?"

"y/n i–"

"i avoided you because i thought you think of me as a hindrance to you and i didn't.. i didn't want to bother you and your duty as the calvary captain." you explained, your shoulders slumped. "but i kept thinking if i told you that i'm your soulmate, you would've been disappo–"

your eyes widens when you felt his arms wrapping around you out of nowhere.

"i'm not disappointed that you're my soulmate, y/n." he said, hugging you in comfort. "if anything, i'm... relieved."

you furrowed your eyebrows. "what about... what about the favor? why did you lie–"

"i lied because it was a stressful day for me as well," he clarified. "yes, i did find favors bothersome at that time, but i never find you bothersome, so i had no choice but to say i'm okay with your favors because it's from you."

you felt yourself slowly relaxed when you didn't feel any itchy feeling around your body, letting out a sigh in relief as you continue to let kaeya hug you to his content.

"so does this mean.. you want me as your soulmate?" you ask hesitantly.

he smiles genuinely for the first time, holding onto you tighter and nodded.

"yes."

[quietwingsinthesky]

in the one sense of like they are going to have much better sex once they both* recognize this.

but in the other sense of like. millie would be a whole lot better off in a relationship where the understanding is that he is not Acted Upon. it’s less so about the give-and-take of the dynamic, although that’s there; it’s who is the acting party. millie has been in perpetual reaction for a very long time. you know, sam and dean get to end the world for each other, but millie has to keep living in the world after it ends, if that makes sense. (which is like. also a position sam and dean trade off on taking depending on which of them died last, but it’s not one they ever stay in.)

and in terms of trying to take control and act first, he either gets told no or retroactively has what little power he’s established taken out of his hands.

(which sometimes was not actual power and was an illusion of such more than anything ie Everything Going Down With Gabriel. but sometimes were actual things she had a choice in that. her choice in didn’t matter. ie that time Sam was soulless and Millie & him figured it out before even telling dean he was alive. or. well. i debate back and forth about the mark because i personally hate how dean’s mark arc results in uhhhh Nothing, so there’s an interesting possibility there: both in millie going specifically for the Mark herself post-gadreel/dean lying about gadreel/everything that follows that. self-destruction as a form of protection, a corruption based more in her own vindictive streak and paranoia than anything, but ultimately still culminating in the mark being taken from her. possibly, even, she doesn’t even hold it to the end of amara’s jail break, but sam & dean agree to transfer it to dean. s10 still happens but Worse because i get to decide that. so, i’m playing with that right now.)

And externally, his relationship with lucifer follows that same pattern. The Possession of Millie Winchester™️ is gonna end with lucifer being torn out of millie without either of their say-so, one way or another. but internally, i don’t think millie acts in response to lucifer. i think, more often than not, millie acts and lucifer adds to it. during possession time, maybe that’s a power behind her hands that she wouldn’t have without him. later, it’s more a result of like. millie choosing to continue to have lucifer in his corner, whether that brings literal advantages or not.

and lucifer does just like having someone else to do all her work for her <3 (though insofar as you could ever call millie lucifer’s attack dog, it’d only be with the caveat that that is a damn smart dog that will slip its own leash if she doesn’t handle it right. so, more hellhound than hound.)

but in a more general sense, millie doesn’t really hold any… expectations of lucifer? his expectations are mostly just observed reality: lucifer’s actions during the apocalypse, the damage left from her in the Cage, and lucifer in millie’s head after he says yes. lucifer’s not a god to worship or fear, lucifer very quickly stops being an unknowable force of nature, and he’s definitely not someone who millie is turning over his body to without negotiation. And following that, lucifer’s also cut loose of. well. everything. everything that her was supposed to do and be and die as. the apocalypse is never going to happen again, it’s over, the story moved on from her and it didn’t even really matter that much. which is existentially horrifying! but also means lucifer exists in a strange position where she is no longer playing her own part. at most, she’s free with the expectation of stopping amara, but otherwise… she can kind of just exist. for a little bit, just exist.

so. stone millie. and pillow princess lucifer. and the pillows are millie’s brain??? man, possession is weird.

thinks about stone millie & pillow princess lucifer.