#I’m imagining a makeover montage

[helpimstuckposting]

Wait wait wait hear me out, rockstar Eddie Munson who’s got a shit sense of style so CC’s manager hires someone to help and stylist Steve comes to the rescue, are you with me? Do you see the vision?

[teletunkie]

Tgcf mall au related words ⬇️

•San Niang sucks on her own hair as a nervous habit.

She probably has other ones but hair sucking is extra pathetic and makes her hair gross and crunchy sometimes and she’d kill herself if Xie Lian ever found out. Xie Lian, in reality, would not mind and would just be concerned about what was upsetting her San Niang.

•Beefleaf are t4t in this au

We’ve theorized that the “switching of fates” concept could be applied here as He Xuan having waited years on a waitlist for her bottom surgery only for swd to place one call and have sqx’s top surgery on that day instead. Just a theory, a game theory.

•San Niang and He Xuan have both been to juvie

San Niang probably for breaking and entering into the Xie family’s home after they fled/were killed followed by threat of a deadly weapon or something. Whatever makes her sentence 6 or so years long

He Xuan was framed by Shi Wudu but the specifics of the crime don’t really matter yknow… just important to note that she gets out when she’s 18

•San Niang is usually “cool and suave” (to Xie Lian, to everyone else she’s a jackass and kind of weird/disturbed) but very desperately wants to be Jiejie’s pet… hence the collar.

Puppy/kitty/fox girl-mode San Niang tends to sleep at the foot of the bed because it’s awesome for everyone’s boner that way… she is very embarrassed about being pathetic and soggy in front of Jiejie initially but it’s okay Xie Lian likes it and thinks it’s very cute

•Qi Rong is a rave-goer who… idk I’d have to come up with a 2006 version of “Night Touring Green Lantern” because that’s crazy but I’ve chosen to represent this with her and her camp exclusively using green glow sticks… yah.

Guzi is a just a lil gal and that’s awesome. Qi Rong probably dresses her in adult tshirts she’s stolen from other RVs….

•Chu Wanning and Mo Ran are in this au and they aren’t R63

Chu Wanning is both He Xuan and Hua Cheng’s…. Social worker? I don’t remember the specific title we gave him but yes he’s helped them get their an apartment and has also very sweetly tried to furnish it for them but he has no eye for aesthetic so it’s just a bunch of mismatched stuff. He Xuan probably doesn’t mind much and is grateful, San Niang is an asshole and is probably less grateful but won’t say anything… she’ll just refurnish the place herself when she’s got the money. Chu Wanning really cares about both of them though and is such a sweetheart everyone say thank you chu wanning 😭 it probably helps a lot that neither girl minds how standoffish and awkward he is… have you met them?

Mo Ran works at the footlocker with Feng Xin and they are PALS who HANG OUT WITH EACHOTHER ON THE WEEKEND/AFTER WORK. Individually they’ll probably give you decent customer service and send you home with a nice pair of shoes, together they will give you the makeover montage experience of a life time. Watch as two geniuses collaborate to have you walking outta there with the freshest shoes one can imagine. Mo Ran is probably a few years older than the Xianle trio and is just a cool guy… our txj tie in is that he’s also a massive sneaker head who gets into shady sneaker dealings…when that man puts his SnapBack on…you better watch yourself ���� Mu Qing hates him and is very bothered that Feng Xin hangs out with him instead of her at times… the thing is is that they’re dog-coded so ofc they’re best of buds. We also had a conversation about Mu Qing being horrible to Chu Wanning because of course her rude judgemental ass would be but I really don’t remember the specifics… Anyways Mo Ran and Chu Wanning get to experience two very different sides of the tgcf crowd’s nonsense and definitely spill the hot goss over dinner every night

That’s kind of it for now… I spent way too long scrolling through dms to find specific scenarios we’ve discussed but couldn’t find what I was looking for so I’m sleepy tired now…. Feel free to ask questions, though I warn you that the au is at times dead dove and to proceed with some caution if that’s not your jam.

[clementine-kesh]

i’m glad that seven taking her fashion cues from neelix is winning the poll because it’s one of my fave silly little what ifs it’s just so cute and charming to imagine seven doing a makeover montage with neelix and coming out wearing ten layers of asymmetrically cut loudly patterned clothing. nonbinary lesbian swag unlimited

[idyllic-affections]

omg hello!! I love your content so so much, I want to give you a hug irl but l'lI settle for sending one into your inbox 🫂

just wanted to drop some ideas I had in here. feel free to use them, mix and match em, tweak them, or just keep them as food for thought, idk:

-have you ever written big sibling! reader? I don't remember seeing it. anyways sumeru gang are my little guys and I would kill for them. (I have a primal urge to take care of kaveh and alhaitham.)

it would be fun to see a hurt/comfort scenario where big sib!reader feels guilty that they can't take care of their younger sibling like they should due to chronic illness flaring up or something similar, but their sibling feels happy that they get to return the favor

-found family!reader with sibling/family trauma learning to trust again

-also, a question: do you write for autistic readers and/or characters (totally get it if you don’t)?

I’m talking about alhaitham specifically bc he is so coded.. imagine the relief of being in an academy chock full of neurotypical people, the stress of conforming to academic standards, and then seeing someone’s little signs and being like !!! !!!!!! you are like me !!!!!!!!

-or OR: an akademic reader with any sort of learning disability. alhaitham wouldn’t give a singular shit if someone was discriminatory torwards him. but the second it’s you??? pray for the poor soul. (the rest of the sumeru gang would also absolutely riot. ofc.)

(think of that one scene in spyxfamily where anya gets insulted by a teacher and lloyd just wants to swing at him so bad but obliterates the coffee table instead.)

-reader coming out as trans? makeover montage ensues. (I’m in love with makeover montages)

kaveh and Lisa come to mind first cause they’d have a FIELD DAY getting gender affirming clothes with you

-the collei & ex-fatui!reader has been on my mind bc. bc like. imagine being raised in arlechinno’s orphanage, groomed and primed to be a soldier since birth. and meeting someone, who has a similar story, but on the other side of the narrative???

you’re both victims of the fatui but one of you has been forced into the role of the villain and the other the victim ????? do you see my vision here ??????

the pain of your past being brought up, of everyone you love seeing you as a monster, believing yourself to be a monster when you’re as much of a victim as anyone else hurt by the fatui? thinking it’s your fault when it wasn’t? Augh .

Uh. SORRY THIS IS SO LONG. anyways ty again have a nice day!!

thank you awawa hugs are always welcome even if they are virtual 🫶💕💖💗💘

i always welcome these kinds of asks! i genuinely adore long asks filled with random thoughts <3

more under the cut.

(1) you know, i don't think i've done much for older sibling!reader, actually. the closest thing to it is my xiao x dendro yaksha!reader brainrot. i do a lot of younger sibling!reader content mostly because i myself am a younger sibling, but also because a lot of older siblings seem to want to know what it's like being the youngest. i definitely plan on writing more older sibling!reader content soon though.

(2) this is a concept i'm quite partial to. i like the idea of working through family trauma by recovering in a found family. to be simple and straightforward, i personally have had to work through immediate family-related trauma, and i often do it through my writing. it's a good, harmless way to work through my own feelings c: if you have any particular thoughts about this trope, feel free to send them to me!

(3) YES GOD YES i love writing for neurodivergent!character and/or neurodivergent!reader. alhaitham is always supposed to be viewed as autistic in my content. i've never touched on it yet, so i guess that's more autistic-coded? but nonetheless, he is not meant to be seen as neurotypical in ANY of my content at all. i have adhd-c myself, so i literally write from a neurodivergent lens, and i grew up surrounded by autistic people and other adhders. my favorite cousin is autistic. my second favorite is an adhder. my younger godbrother is definitely neurodivergent, but he isn't diagnosed yet. my mom's definitely got undiagnosed adhd. safe to say, i grew up surrounded by neurodivergency, so i'm happy to write it and am relatively comfortable doing so!

(4) THIS WAS ME GROWING UP FR i needed someone like alhaitham!!! i love this idea. i'm taking it and running with it. it is going into my drafts now. alhaitham would be very protective of a neurodivergent scholar reader imo (is this wishful thinking? who knows AKSJAJAGHF)

btw i know exactly what scene you're talking about even though i've never seen nor read spyxfamily aksjwkgjfh.... it has always intrigued me and i plan on reading the manga soon!

(5) REAL AND TRUE as a trans person myself, all of my content is actually directed at other trans folks. i don't care if cis people read it, of course; it's just that my target audience is trans people (specifically non-binary folk). kaveh and lisa would be SOOO thrilled to give you a lil makeover!!! i think they both have very good fashion senses so they'll definitely help you get good gender-affirming clothing <3

(6) so for a little more context (without spoiling too much hehe), the collei x ex-fatui agent reader details the story of how one of dottore's lab assistants effectively betrayed the fatui, forsook the tsaritsa, and basically said "fuck it" and helped all of dottore's test subjects escape. i would LOVE, however, to write a fic from this perspective--imagine being raised in the house of hearth by arlecchino, groomed to be the perfect, mindlessly obedient weapon of war that the fatui needs, while believing that betraying the fatui is the ultimate form of treason punishable by a fate worse than death... and then leaving the fatui regardless after meeting collei for the first time and trying to recover from all that trauma and desensitization. i think this version gives off collei x older sibling figure!reader vibes.... they could be a lil found family <3 btw anon i hope you know this idea is ALSO going into my drafts hehe

[taiblogcomics]

The Peanut Butter Solution

Hey there, fish from the aberrant depths. All righty, this is the last MLP comic in my backlog stack ...of this sort! There's a whole other three issues of a li'l something different still waiting. But we'll get to that later. Next week, we return to the fetid wastes of Avengers Arena. But I'm getting ahead of myself~

Here's the cover:

Well, this is a dang colourful cover, isn't it? It might be the most colourful cover we've ever covered. Who can say for sure? A full rainbow of fruits as well. It almost might be an advert for, like, a tropical candy, though I think if you make your green candy kiwi-flavoured instead of lime or green apple, somebody's gonna riot. It might even be me! Anyway, here's the two most-besties of the Mane Five sharing smoothies. They appear to have invented drink coozies that look like little sweaters. Dunno how popular Mane Six merch is in their universe, though~

So we open with a Pie Festival having just finished. Boy, that time crunch is so non-urgent that they're having events offscreen now. Izzy, you can mention "it's hard to focus with the looming threat of Discord hanging over us", but maybe perhaps you're not focusing on the right thing. Sunny knows how to cheer Izzy up, though, and they go to Sunny's house to make a smoothie. A very particular one they created together: The Dreamy Creamy Peanut Butter Starbow. That's a terrible name, imagine ordering that at Popular Restaurant Chain~

Sunny says a smoothie is just like the unity Crystals, it's all about things coming together. This prompts Izzy to do a flashback, recalling the days when the magic came back and Sunny first got her alicorn powers. Suddenly being a unicorn in a town of earth ponies doesn't seem so special. And Izzy's all about standing out. But right now Izzy's more feeling left out, as Sunny's gone flying with Zipp and Pipp. And Izzy's a bit jealous--not of Zipp and Pipp, but the magic of flight itself. Personally, I think telekinesis is way cooler and more useful, but I'm not a magic unicorn~

While going for a walk to get her mind off it, she passes by a couple of ponies melting in the heat. They complain that Sunny hasn't been around all day, so she hasn't been selling her smoothies at all either. See, it isn't just Izzy missing her. She catches wind of this, and mentions that she happens to be a personal friend of Sunny's, and therefore she should be able to replicate her smoothies. And in true Izzy fashion, she soon gets wrapped up in an even bigger idea: a total smoothie makeover for Sunny's business. She dashes off, leading the other ponies behind with their accusations of "weirdo".

So Izzy gets busy with redecorating the stall and reinventing some new recipies, all seen in a montage over a couple pages. Eventually Sunny shows up once she overhears some ponies talking about Izzy's unicorn smoothies. They still think she's weird, but the smoothies are good. Sunny's a bit overwhelmed, though, because Izzy has gone a bit overboard and extra, as is her wont. Sunny is touched by the thoughtfulness, but since it's so extreme, she wishes she'd been consulted first. And of course, Izzy takes this as a "you don't like it?" moment.

Aw, and Sunny doesn't mean it that way. She's touched by the thought and effort, it's just a bit much. She's had her business a while and likes the way she already does things. Izzy understands, but she's still a little hurt. She feels a little abandoned, and she doesn't feel as special when she can't go flying. Because, after all, it was the note Sunny made that brought them together. She got to meet the friend she dreamed about as a kid, and she just misses her. And of course Sunny is sorry she's made Izzy feel that way.

Izzy has one more gift for Sunny: a matching set of aprons (which are remarkably understated compared to Izzy's other works). Sunny genuinely loves it and thanks Izzy, apologising again for not checking with her friends sooner. Izzy also apologises for not speaking up sooner. The pair of them hitch up to the cart together and sell off the remainder of Izzy's smoothies. Once out, they go back home to prepare one more smoothie--a personal one, together. Using all of their favourite ingredients. Which fortunately don't seem to clash!

The resulting smoothie is, of course, the previously mentioned Dreamy Creamy Peanut Butter Starbow (still a weird name, I don't like the word "creamy"). Nonetheless, the pair of them enjoy it, and make a batch for their other friends as well. And as they share, the Hitch in the flashback begins to recount a story. Nope, let's not have nested flashbacks, huh? Izzy quickly ends her reminisce, and she and Sunny agree: magic is what brings them together and binds them. Could they survive without it? They hope to not find out, as the comic ends on a Scary Discord Face of him gazing omninously at the Pegasus Crystal...

Well, I can’t really complain about the time-wasting on this one. The festival happened offscreen, and the majority of the issue is a flashback. A flashback to further reinforce the importance of their mission, no less! Otherwise, kind of just a cute issue. Also ties back to the earlier part of this arc, where Izzy was once again feeling left out because she can’t fly. I feel like this may be a recurring thing for her. We’ll have to wait and see either way, because like I said, that’s the end of this batch for now~

Next week: back to something terrible. Can you handle another six issues of Avengers Arena? Guess we’ll have to see~

[fae-fucker]

Zenith: Chapter 76-79

Chapter 76

Andi has a nice little poetic nightmare. It’s irrelevant. The next morning has the girls preparing for the ball, complete with dresses and makeup.

Some things to note include Lira saying that in Adhiran religion (which is global, I guess), one has to mourn for three days before “letting” the souls of the dead pass on into ... everything.

Andi tries to say that it’ll take time to heal from it all, but Lira is having none of it.

“It will take time to move past what happened on Adhira,” Andi started, but Lira held up a hand.

“My three days of mourning have passed. Lon’s and my aunt’s, too. Now we, and the others who lost loved ones during the attack, must give the lost spirits to the stars, to the trees, to the wind.”

Which basically means that she’s done feeling bad about the unexpected and brutal attack on her home planet, so that’s convenient. Well, if one of our main characters doesn’t care about her people getting senselessly murdered, then why should we?

She also lets us know that her aunt has fixed up the Marauder and brought it here, because of course. Lira wants to arrange for Lon to be transferred to the Marauder, and though she has a logical reason for it (taking him home personally), it’s only a setup so we know why he’s on there at the end of the book when Andi’s bleeding out and needs a universal donor.

Spoilers, I guess.

Andi’s mother, Glorya, intercepts Andi as she tries to leave her crew to their makeover montages, just so we can move into a scene where her mom is brushing her hair and babbling on about gossip and vapid high society stuff.

But Andi, of course, gets lost in a flashback that’s so amateurishly written it’s honestly embarrassing and only highlights Shinsay’s helpless reliance on flashbacks as a storytelling device.

Observe:

Her words faded away as memories took their place. Andi lost herself to them.

The whole flashback is written in italics for some inexplicable reason, even though it would’ve been fine as just regular text since we’re clearly told what’s happening now and what’s a memory.

Also, there’s one bit where the memory “fast-forwards” to a different one. Shinsay, this isn’t a fucking movie. This isn’t a screenplay. What the fuck are you DOING.

The flashback and the mother’s inane babbling are all there to illustrate how vapid and brainless Glorya is and how she only ever cared about her status and not about her kid. Glorya pretends that everything is back to the way it was but Andi curses her out for abandoning her when she needed them most and how “the way it was” was actually always shit.

I mean it’s fine. It’s all right. I see what they’re going for, it’s melodramatic as all fuck but it works for what they’re trying to do? I can see this as being a realistic way for an emotionally neglectful family to look like. I wish it was more nuanced and wasn’t just shoe-horned in here (Glorya doesn’t show up before or after this bit, this is the only time she’s ever present or even mentioned in this book in any meaningful capacity) for the sake of making Andi’s friends look better and for her to not have anything that anchors her to Arcardius, but like, I won’t say this isn’t realistic.

And then Shinsay can’t stop themselves and it’s back to silly time:

“Really, Androma...” 

[...]

“That is not my name,” Andi whispered. She allowed the darkness to come up into her voice, the mask of shadow and steel to sweep across her face. “My name is the Bloody Baroness. And if you or Commander Racella ever so much as utter a single word toward me or my crew again, I will personally strip the skin from your body and wave it like a flag from my starship.”

Glorya let out a soft squeak. Andi snarled with all of her teeth.

Guys I can’t breathe this is too fucking funny. And not in a good “woo vindication!” sort of way, but in a “they really put this right after an emotional confrontation about parental emotional neglect/abuse huh?” way. They really thought this was ... badass? Revenge? Andi, sweetie, you’re, like, traumatized? Presumably? I can’t really tell. But maybe get some therapy?

Do Shinsay think this is somehow a win and that Andi’s threat means she’s fully released from the hurt and pain her parents have caused her through their neglect? It’s honestly written as if Andi just confronted her mother and her own hopes of coming back to her family in this one short scene, and then upon realizing her parents never loved her, she scares her mom a little and then is all smug and satisfied at the end.

That ain’t how it works, darlings.

Then the annoying Marketable Space Pet runs in and starts biting Glorya’s toes and she runs away shrieking like a defeated Disney villain.

Way to undercut your own drama, Shinsay.

The chapter ends with Andi thinking about how her crew is her True Family for the bajillionth time. Because we’re all idiots and Shinsay wants us to remember that.

Chapter 77

It’s the evening of the ball and Andi thinks about how she missed Bavista, which is apparently your generic coming-of-age ball held at Arcardius for every 16-year-old. I’m guessing it’s a yearly thing? The book never clarifies. Not sure why the fuck it’s here tbh.

Actually, it’s a pretty good demonstration of how the worldbuilding in this book is presented so here, have at thee:

She could still remember seeing the otherworldly dresses and suits float by her on the feeds as she watched the girls and boys glide into the A’Vianna House in the Glass Sector. They seemed light as air, full of pride, bursting at the seams with excitement. Once inside, they would be greeted by members of the Priest Guild, who would award each young person three items.

The first was a vial of water from the Northern Ocean, symbolizing strength. For growth, they accepted a single leaf from the oldest tree on Arcardius, known as The Mother, which was said to have been planted when the Ancients first arrived. Lastly, they were given a single floating pebble, no larger than a child’s fingernail, chiseled from the very gravarock where the Cortas estate was. It represented the wisdom of rising above.

Is this relevant to anything? Does this help you understand this world or its inhabitants? Does it tell you anything of the culture of Arcardius or its youth and what’s expected of them? No? It’s just a really generic list of things thrown together using Mystical Proper Nouns as glue? Weeell heeell.

Also what does “it represented the wisdom of rising above” mean? This is utterly generic and means fuck-all, that’s what.

Anyway, Andi’s admiring herself in the mirror. Her dress is very sexy, trust me, I can’t be bothered to include it so just imagine your favorite My Immortal outfit description. It does include sword holsters at the back, which are Andi’s favorite part, because she’s a strong independent woman who don’t need no man. She never actually uses them or brings the swords to the ball so ... Idk what the point of this was.

We also get some shit about how Andi actually LOVES dresses and being pretty but she never admitted it to anyone. But don’t you worry, this badass space criminal LOVES all things girly, because that’s feminism! Can someone check in on Shinsay? I’m not sure they’re getting enough air with their heads so far up Sarah J Maas’ asshole.

Admitting to herself that she looked pretty was something Andi kept private. She didn’t want to give her crew the satisfaction of knowing her true thoughts about fashion. How even though she was a fierce, hardened criminal, she could still appreciate the joy of a beautiful, impractical ball gown.

Huh. And here I thought they were your family. That’s weird that you’d keep this information from them, especially considering all of them seemed pretty excited to be prettied up in the last chapter. I guess they’d really just haaate the idea of sharing this joy with their captain, huh? Why aren’t you admitting this to them, Andi?

You’re saying shit about how “even though” you’re a hardened criminal, you can “still” appreciate beautiful gowns, like those two are somehow contradictory. Are you, mayhaps, ashamed of having this traditionally girly interest? Hmm! Interesting. Why could that be, I wonder? Why would having traditionally feminine interests or even caring about one’s appearance be seen as something inherently shameful or embarrassing, as inherently contradictory to being fierce and “hardened?”

This is all just so *clenches fist* feminist.

Forreal though, somehow Shinsay managed to take their entire made up GALAXY and make it subtly and not-so-subtly sexist. Good job, morons. Really girlbossed that one, huh?

The only bit I like about this whole mess is this:

The dressmaker had also accented her gown with a sparkling necklace full of jewels that Andi didn’t plan on giving back.

This is the one and only space pirate-y thing Andi does -- sorry, considers doing -- in the whole book and honestly could’ve been used to build her character more, but it’s just a one-off joke here. Wasted.

Valen comes to fetch her and we get some subtle foreshadowing.

“Valen the Resurrected.”

He stopped to look at her, brows raised. “What?”

She shrugged. “It’s what the press is calling you in all the feeds.” Valen let out a deep chuckle.

[...]

“Something tells me things are about to change for the better,” he said. “I’m ready to see it all happen.”

Andi wondered what he would do now that he was home with a whole planet at his disposal.

He deserved to have some fun.

Is it bad that I’m rooting for Valen to destroy everything? And this isn’t my villain-fucker coming out, I just want this poor bastard to absolutely annihilate Andi and her gang of acolytes.

Chapter 78

Andi and Valen arrive at the ball. It’s all very pretty and space-y and aesthetic. There’s a bunch of aliens everywhere. Andi sees a woman with funky eyes and assumes it’s a body mod, because I guess she knows the genetic characteristics of every species by heart and can tell when something is real or not.

An old classmate of theirs comes up to talk to Valen and congratulate him on being alive, then Andi reminds him of who she is just to be a smug asshole and the guy fucks off in a panic. She’s just so cool and badass, you guys.

Then it’s time for Valen and Andi to dance, and of course General Cortas looks like he’s about to lose his marbles because these darn kids! >:(

The chapter ends on Andi noticing Dex pouting in the distance.

“Relax,” Andi whispered. “Let’s give them something to talk about.”

She flashed him a wicked grin as the music began.

And as Valen spun her into the first move of the dance, Andi saw Dex standing on the fringes of the crowd, an expression of longing clear on his face.

Chapter 79

This chapter is exactly 298 words of Dex moping around about how he’s actually not over Andi at all when he thought he’d done such a good job of repressing his feelings, and how he should be the one dancing with Andi instead of Valen. If you’re surprised, you’re clinically dead.

[tthankstoyou]

headcanons of glee x the álbum lover? (lover by taylor swift, obviously)

for example, when i heard "it's nice to have a friend" i think on kurt singing it to mercedes when she's supporting him in his coming out or in marley singing it to unique bc she's the one who always treats her right <3

Thank you sm for the ask!!!! This was a lot of fun to do <3

• I Forgot That You Existed - Rachel would sing this when she was finally able to get over Finn in s2 instead of ‘Firework.’ She would open ‘Comeback’ with this song (which fits the theme of that episode perfectly)

• Cruel Summer - Mercedes would sing this in ‘The Purple Piano Project’. JBI would interview her and say “Is it true that you and Sam Evans had a fling this summer?” and she would be like “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” After that, she’d walk away from him & sing this while a montage of them spending their summer together played.

• Lover - Imagining we got episodes showing Klaine being all lovey dovey in NY, Kurt would sing this in s5 after Blaine moves in. I’ll breakdown how the lyrics in the second verse would fit perfectly with them: “We could let our friends crash in the living room. This is our place, we make the call” correlates to how they let Sam stay with them until he found a place. “And I'm highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you” is about Sebastian, Eli C, Rachel, and Tina. “I've loved you three summers now, honey, but I want 'em all” They were dated 3 summers in a row & now they’re engaged, it goes with them so well.

• The Man - Skank!Quinn would sing this. Shes done putting up with all of the shit that the boys in Glee club had been giving to her, which is a reason why she left and joined the skanks. She sings this as a middle finger to Mr. Schue. She finally decided to let all of her feminist frustrations out.

• The Archer - Quinn would sing this after Finn breaks up with her at Sue’s sisters funeral. She would leave the car and start singing as she walks away. This would be one of her most vulnerable songs she sings on the show, she feels unlovable with never being able to keep a boyfriend or her parents. She would definitely let herself cry while singing this.

• I Think He Knows - I said this in a different headcanons post, but I think it would be so adorable if Sam sang this to Kurt in glee club (in a universe whre hevans actually happens 😪)

• Miss Americans & The Heartbreak Prince - OKOK Quinn would sing this when she transforms into a skank, kind of like a makeover scene but it’s her crying while chopping her hair off and dying it.

• Paper Rings - This is the Klaine anthem! Kurt and Blaine would sing this together after Blaine gives him the ring made out of gum wrappers <3

•Cornelia Street - Dani would sing this about Santana! A lyric I think fits well is “You hold my hand on the street, walk me back to that apartment.” That line fits so well with Santana walking Dani home after shifts 🥺💗

• Death By A Thousand Cuts - Kurt would sing this after Blaine cheated on him in s4. He’d sing this an episode or two after the breakup when he’s in the stage where he’s filled with anger towards Blaine.

• London Boy - Kurt would obviously sing this when him and Adan start talking.

• Soon You’ll Get Better - The New Directions would sing this at Burt’s hospital bed instead of a religious song that Kurt asked them not to sing.

• False God - Santana would sing this about Brittany in s4 before their breakup when she’s coming back to Lima to visit her.

• You Need To Calm Down - The New Directions would sing this with Kurt as a lead. It would be an ending group number in ‘Theatricality’ after they stand up to Karofsky and Azimio.

• Afterglow - Santana sings this after she breaks up with Brittany in s4. She’ll start singing this as she starts packing up her stuff to go back to the Univeristy of Louisville.

• ME! - They sing this as an ending group number in ‘Born This Way’ (not replacing btw, I’m forcing them to sing two ending songs at the end of this episode lmao)

• It’s Nice To Have A Friend - I’m going to go with your Marlique headcanon for this song, nonny! I think it fits them perfectly since this is the friends to lovers anthem. They’d sing this as Marley confesses her feelings to Unique in the last episode all of the newbies are in.

• Daylight - Kurt would sing this in ‘Silly Love Songs’ after Blaine tells him that he wants the Warblers to help him serenade his crush & right before Kurt finds out the crush isn’t him.

[erbferbatinlerb]

sorry for the long post, i'm on mobile and cant put a read more but.... drumroll please.... due to popular demand here it is! Phineas Has ADHD: The Essay.

Hyperfixation on building/inventing things: Even more specifically amusement park rides ("Rollercoaster", "Rollercoaster The Musical", "One Good Scare", "Leave The Busting To Us", "Don't Even Blink", "Cheer Up Candace", "Delivery Of Destiny", etc.) Now, you can argue that he's a kid, and rides are fun, so of course he likes them, but if you look at it from a building standpoint, from an engineering standpoint? Phineas' interest lies in fun, of course, but he also must have an extreme interest in the engineering aspect of a ride in order to be skilled and knowledgeable enough to build them, and to be able to focus on the task so wholly.

He also gets incredibly attached to very specific things that some people often find strange, which seems like evidence of hyperfixation to me. (E.g.: aglets in "Tip of the Day", dental hygiene in "Bully Bust", Bulgarian folk dancing in "The Beak", detective movies in "Finding Mary McGuffin") hot tubs in "Bully Bromance Breakup", "Lotsa Latkes", "Swiss Family Phineas")

HYPERFOCUS: He and Ferb will dedicate their whole day to just one idea that they have. Phineas is able to weaponize his hyperfocusing talent incredibly well and stick to one task, but only if it is something he is extremely interested in — for example: In "Bully Bromance Breakup", he becomes almost unable to function without the stimulation of inventing, to the point where climbing a mountain with his friends—something he, by all accounts, should enjoy—becomes a difficult task for him.

He displays forgetfulness: In "Mom's Birthday", Phineas forgets it is his mom's birthday until he hears Candace mention it, and then he feels extremely guilty. We then see a montage of him, during various situations from the previous episodes (on the rollercoaster, etc.) telling Ferb: "We can't forget mom's birthday." Even though this was of course, a bit, if you take this as being canon (which there's no real reason not to), it means Phineas was constantly talking about their mom's birthday for weeks leading up to the event because he really didn't want to forget it and he was worried that he would (and in the end, he did), implying he may have a consistent tendency to be forgetful.

Phineas has an intense love of summer, and is implied to have a dislike for school—  which is natural for any kid his age, but it's not hard to imagine that he might feel cooped up and creatively stifled during school. Especially if we put his attitude towards school next to that of Baljeet, with whom he shares a love of learning and knowledge, it's hard to ignore the difference. Being as we've seen Phineas get agitated when he's not able to build and invent freely and on his own terms ("Bully Bromance Breakup", "Summer Belongs To You"), it's easy to imagine he may struggle in a public school environment.

He has impulsive and thrill-seeking tendencies, which are evident in many of the big ideas. ("Escape From Phineas Tower", "Rollercoaster", "Ain't No Kiddie Ride", "The Beak", "One Good Scare", "Phineas and Ferb-Busters", "Leave The Busting To Us", ETC.) Adrenaline-seeking behaviour is common in individuals with ADHD and goes hand-in-hand with a low tolerance for boredom which Phineas explicitly states himself to possess in the very first episode of the show. ("Rollercoaster")

However, on the flip side to his aversion to boredom, he can also spend literally hours just standing in the backyard, not even talking, if that's just what he feels like doing that day. ("Best Lazy Day Ever")

He is highly energetic and is the most talkative one of his friends. He has also suggested having an awareness and perhaps an insecurity that he talks too much in some situations. ("Misperceived Monotreme")

He sometimes has trouble with listening, and interrupts people, especially when he's excited: in "Ready For The Bettys", when they stumble upon Perry's lair, Phineas assumes Ferb built everything and doesn't listen, constantly interrupting when Ferb tries to protest; in "Hail Doofania", he assumes that he knows what Isabella is talking about (not having seen a rainbow before) and makes it his mission for the day to do what he thinks she means, and doesn't take the time to hear her out when she tries to explain otherwise because he's too invested in/excited about the project he has in mind.

Obliviousness / missing of social cues: The most obvious example is Isabella's crush on him, which he consistently fails to notice. ("Chronicles of Meap", "Meapless in Seattle", "That Sinking Feeling", "Happy New Year", "Summer Belongs To You", "Happy Birthday Isabella", "Doofapus", "It's No Picnic") He also seems not to understand that Candace wants to get them in trouble, nor that he actually probably would get in trouble if his mom knew what he and Ferb were doing. In fact, he gets excited about sharing their endeavors with Linda, clearly oblivious to the potential repercussions. ("Traffic Cam Caper", "What'd I Miss", "Suddenly Suzy")

Highlighted Episodic Evidence

Chronicles of Meap/Meapless in Seattle

Phineas's dismissal of Isabella's "cuteness" comments shows again his difficulty picking up on social cues, especially when distracted by a mission. He does not seem to understand, or at least does not acknowledge, Isabella's clear frustration with him. He does not understand that he is dismissing Isabella's feelings, because to him it feels obvious that she is cute and he doesn't think he needs to say it. Followed up in "Meapless in Seattle" with the "You think I'm cute?" "It's a scientific fact!" interaction—Phineas is not understanding that this isn't really how to give a compliment; he does not seem to realize that by not acknowledging Isabella's cuteness he could be hurting her feelings/nurturing her insecurities.

That Sinking Feeling

Once again, he misses cues from Isabella about her feelings for him, or if he understands them, he does not outwardly acknowledge them. He also tries to create romance for Mishti and Baljeet by taking "scientifically" romantic things, based upon his research (mostly the movie Titanic): candles, live music, the situation of a sinking ship... He over-does these things in a calculated way to try and curate the most scientifically romantic situation possible. This also mirrors Candace's opinion about his cold, calculated methods in "Perry Lays an Egg".

Cheer Up Candace

Phineas cares about Candace and when he sees her upset, he wants to help her, and he makes it his goal to do so. He hears the first step from Isabella's magazine is a makeover and he immediately thinks of a clown. He sets off to execute his plan without consulting anyone (except Ferb) and after it goes, as you can expect, not well, he realizes in hindsight that his impulsive idea was built on flawed logic. However, rather than dwell on this, he decides to dive right into the next step and he continues to do wildly over the top, fantastical versions of the magazine suggestions. I think this demonstrates a lack of understanding for social cues as well as impulsivity and impatience. Furthermore, he doesn't even wait to hear step two before setting out to achieve step one, and he doesn't ask Isabella her opinion or even listen to her suggestions once he has entered his own Idea Zone. Also, the Mix 'n' Mingle Machine is a great example of his unconventional and greatly efficiency-focused thought processes—  

he thinks of it as the most efficient way to meet as many people as possible in a short time, demonstrating a clear misunderstanding of what the actual intent of "meeting someone" was in the magazine. He is also basing this idea on his personal notions of what he finds fun, not what Candace would necessarily want.

Summer Belongs To You

When stranded on the island, Phineas shows an intense frustration when he's unable to put an optimistic spin on things. He also has a clear discomfort when he is without any tools to build with. Again, we see his hyperfocus on inventing (in this case: fixing the plane) get in the way of Isabella trying to have a romantic moment with him, and in the way of relaxing in general. She sees the sights of Paris, alone time with him, and chances to enjoy themselves, whereas Phineas sees things he could use as airplane parts, single-mindedly focused on his mission. And again he misses or does not acknowledge Isabella's frustration with him in the "It seemed like romance was a foregone conclusion" scene. This is strong evidence for Phineas' hyperfixation because he gets so caught up in his own world when it comes to inventing/building/working that he doesn't even notice what's going on around him, then he fails to see the irony of him identifying Candace&Jeremy and Ferb&Vanessa as romantic interests while entirely missing the fact that Isabella & him are also "a boy and a girl, alone in the city of love."

Also of note is his complete focus on completing the Summer Solstice goal. Because, despite the fact that they made it back to Danville safely after being in a pretty perilous situation—which should have become their main concern being as they were just stranded on an island with no food or way to call for help—he cannot be satisfied with that. Needing to get home before the sun sets for the sake of winning his bet and symbolically representing his worldview, he yells at candace when she doesn't want to get on the trike, because he's determined to still get there on time, intensely focused on both proving a point and upholding his personal values.

Happy Birthday Isabella

Isabella does not want an over-the-top surprise party, all she wants is to spend time alone with Phineas, but Phineas is so focused on his idea of her perfect birthday party that he does not seem to realize what her wishes are. He sends her away from him so that she won't know about the surprise, and does not even do so very gently (getting Buford to carry her away in a sack) instead of even asking her what she wants.

Bully Bromance Breakup

In this episode, Phineas is shown to get extremely distressed when he has to go even a short period of time without building/inventing anything. This is representative of a need for constant stimulation (which would explain why he is so adamant that he cannot put up with boredom). This also evidences his hyperfixation on building/inventing. The whole time that they're climbing the mountain with Baljeet, Phineas is completely preoccupied by his ideas for inventions, and after Baljeet rejects his ideas a few times, he gets increasingly agitated, eventually gets to a point where he is unable to climb anymore and has to get pulled up by the others, and he is shown rambling to himself about all of the invention ideas he has.

This is by no means a definitive list, and I'm sure there are many more moments in the show that provide evidence of these ideas, but this is the ones that stood out to me. Anyway, in conclusion, Phineas has ADHD. If you're still reading this incredibly long post by this point: uhh, thank you, I guess! Have a nice day. 💖

[the-sinking-ship]

NEW CHAPTER IS LIVE!

'Tis a Far Better Thing

Chapter Two: Makeover Montage

Author: The_Sinking_Ship (AO3) (Tumblr)

Pairing: Draco/Harry

Rating: E

Tags: fashion designer Draco, getting together, gratuitous fashion references, movie easter eggs for DAYS, humour, banter

Summary: 'Tis a far, far better thing doing stuff for other people — or however the Muggle saying goes — because Potter is in need of professional help and Draco is just the man to give it to him.

Excerpt:

“I’m not coming out,” Potter says, and Draco can almost hear the scowl in his voice.

“Why the hell not?”

“You’ve got the size wrong. It’s too bloody tight.”

Draco and Pansy share a look, and she purses her lips around a smile.

“Lucky for you, I wield tailoring charms professionally,” Draco says. “Don’t make me vanish that curtain, Potter, because I’ll do it. Don’t think I won’t.”

There is some unintelligible grumbling, and then the curtain is thrust aside.

“Oh!” Pansy gasps. One hand flies to her mouth, and she looks to Draco, who is trying very hard to continue breathing and blinking normally.

Because Potter isn’t wrong. It is tight. And Draco finds himself completely distracted by the way the fabric stretches across Potter’s chest, the fine, dark wool straining as he recrosses his arms. Potter certainly isn’t the paunchy old goat Draco was hoping for — in fact, he’s bloody built, the lean, hard lines of muscle visible beneath the thin fabric. Draco can practically count his abdominal muscles from where he’s standing. And the trousers leave almost nothing to the imagination — at least, Draco doesn’t think he is imagining the perfect shape of Potter’s arse or the bulge against the zipper.

READ IT HERE ON AO3

[nettlestonenell]

Armie Hammer wants a sequel to The Man From U.N.C.L.E.—shouldn’t you?

This post is a long time in coming, Gentle Readers and @jammeke​, but now, though it might be here, before your very eyes, to think it will be well-laid out would be a mistake. It’s set to be just about as messy as Ilya’s misplaced loyalties and murky motivations.

How dare!

I probably first watched this film well over a year ago (courtesy @jammeke​ posting things about it). I used Sling OnDemand (I think on TNT). In the ensuing viewings I also watched it in that way, but as I was sitting down for a fourth(?) viewing, it kept coming to me that I was tired of watching it with commercials I couldn’t skip, and I had a sneaking suspicion that it had been edited for time and I was missing out on scenes. [pointless aside: I was also watching the film in chunks, and never as a whole]

Where is she now? What’s the time stamp? How far along did she get? Are you shagging the hotel hostess yet?

So, I, uh, set out to buy it on DVD—without any luck! In the sense that copies I could find cost more (w/ shipping) than buying it to stream. So, I bought it to stream on Amazon. Do I regret my choice, Gentle Readers? No, no I don’t. I do regret burden of knowledge in learning that TNT was already playing the entirety of the film. That was a hard pill to swallow.

Nope, I’ve looked. That’s absolutely everything. Nothing additional lurking around here...

So here it is, as it is, @jammeke, “My Notes on The Man from U.N.C.L.E.”

Look, I don’t know what this film is. I probably can’t fully articulate its appeal. Or maybe I can--certainly after transcribing four page I’ve tried. Number One thing to know about me and fiction/films is that a top draw for me is seeing something out of the ordinary, such as beautiful locations, a historical era, delicious costumes. There are times, frankly, this can trump weak story and undefined character for me. (The best films, of course, combine all three) Certainly, The Man... delivers in the delight of the eyes. Additionally, I must confess that growing up as a person older than @reblogginhood​ but younger than Miss Fisher, so much of what was on TV was essentially reruns of this film’s iconic Look(tm). So, when I see women dressed like Gaby I am just another three-to-seven-year-old overcome with the drop dead glamour of it all.

Darling, tell me how you really feel...

Some questions I have:

·         IS Armie Hammer a hulk of a man? Everyone in this film seems to think so, yet he always tracks to me as trim (rather than hulking)

·         Why translate via captions some Russian speaking, but not all?

·         IS Napoleon’s backstory directly cribbed from USA’s White Collar?

·         DOES Gaby have a German accent?

·         Does Ilya get preternaturally attached to all the people he’s ordered to look after? Also, what is his bonding rate with kittens?

Sorry, wrong iteration. 

 ·         If Lady Villain knows the lens is wrong—if her technical understanding is that in-depth--does she really need Gaby’s dad to make the bomb?

·         How old was Gaby during the war?

·         What happens when Ilya gets a NEW puppy assigned to him? (please let this be addressed in film #2)

Hooray for:

·         That bathroom fight! *all the Burn Notice feels!

·         Gaby is her own lady, and chooses sides as necessary—not always unilateral in her support for either male character. Case in point: she sides with Ilya over the clothes, and Napoleon over the incident of the wallet.

·         That delicious (speaking as Rusty, here) Ocean’s 11-stylized action. It’s pretty, so I’m not bored with it. Sometimes a sandwiched montage gets shown, so I’m REALLY not bored. I’ve got 18 tiny moving boxes of things to look at!

·         Pinkie rings. There, you’ve told me everything I need to know about that character.

·         Solo in a beret. English has not yet found a word for the feeling it evoked in this viewer. Somewhere between ‘precious’ and ‘oh, no’.

See, there? Now you’ve felt it too.

·         Goggles! All the accessories! Dune Buggies! (I mean, that’s what I’m calling Napoleon’s chase-scene ride)

Things I adore:

·         It seems (after some research) that more than a few folks view Gaby as a third wheel, and though she’s not exactly a Princess Leia commandeering her own rescue and exuding competence and a deserved take-charge-attitude at every corner, she IS a foci for both male characters (though romantically it would seem only for one), just as Ilya is a foci for both her and Napoleon [no one seems to worry about Napoleon, though they should--film #2, anyone?]

·         Mechanic Gaby not needing a beauty makeover, or being dragged into one. She gets some nice clothes, but it’s never suggested that she’s not attractive or acceptable before putting them on, and I respect, nay, embrace it.

Oh, my heart. She’s still not as tall as them!

·         Ilya, drab pigeon Ilya, knowing fashion

·         Oh man, don’t even get me started on the power of the statement, “it doesn’t have to match”

·         You knew it was coming on this sublist: the wrestle-fight. I mean, c’mon. Poor little Gaby, locked behind the Iron Curtain, living a life of always being watched. She’s in the swankest hotel (I mean, Napoleon chose it, so we can be sure it’s swank with an E). She’s trying to celebrate her freedom, her liberation. She’s playing verboten music, she’s drinking to excess. Girl wants—and deserves—a party. And Ilya is…not built for that (that he knows of). For some fun, just imagine if she had been given Napoleon to room with instead.

                            o   I will say that this scene, and some of their other interactions have what I would call early (non-sibling) Luke and Leia energy. Ilya seems to have moments of being struck by Gaby in a way Luke is struck by Leia in the early part of the trilogy. When Leia takes charge, and Luke accepts it. When Leia does something incredible, and Luke is left open-mouthed. *no, I don’t see OT Star Wars in everything. Shut up.

·         “He fixed the glitch.”

·         Again, shout-out to the non-action action.

·         “I left my jacket in there.”

·         The whole race to rescue Gaby I am in love with beyond words. [I have noted it as “Crazy Jeep Drive with Warhead!”] Probably b/c it comes across as totally egalitarian. Both men want her rescued. They’re no longer in competition. It’s just as important to Napoleon as it is to Ilya to catch up to her. Also, it is bonkers, like some sort of X-games version of a commercial for the vehicles they’re driving. And screaming Willie Scott does not make an appearance.

         Someone says “winkle” out.

·         Look! Another note about the screen divisions and how I love it, shout-outs to the original Steve McQueen The Thomas Crown Affair (a contemporary of when this movie is meant to be set), and TV’s 24.

Things that get a great, big NOPE:

·         Jerrod Harris: you’ve been in so much streamable content in the last decade I can’t hate you, but frankly, you’re terrible here—unless you’re supposed to be giving a mannered, not-campy-enough-to-be-enjoyable performance here. Your American English puts me in the mind of Alex Hawaii 5-0′Loughlin where it feels you’re concentrating so hard on your accent that you fail to convince anyone that you’re a harried, over-worked and exasperated spy handler. Your performance is at odds with every bit of dialogue you’re given to say.

·         That awful, mishandled title that doesn’t even connect to the film until the final moments (a sequel set-up, for sure)

·         Look, you don’t introduce Hugh Grant casually mid-way through your film in a throwaway appearance. I mean, he’s HUGH GRANT we all know something’s up now.

·         This is not exactly a great big NOPE, b/c I love a flat cap, Tommy Shelby—but I feel like a less tall man with a far rounder face in a flat cap would track more as Russian to me that AH does. To me, he just looks like he’s about to go golfing.

Over par? Unacceptable!

·         Is Victoria a British-accented Italian? A British woman who married—what? Gaby’s uncle isn’t Italian!? An Italian who went to school in Britain? My head hurts. Also, is her hair meant to be unconvincingly bleached?

Other commentary:

·         Napoleon’s adult ne’er-do-well backstory is so far from being emotionally equivalent to Ilya’s childhood trauma [and his enslavement to the USSR] it seems bestial when he calls it out on multiple occasions. Badly done, Solo.

·         Gaby is the film’s key (sorry, Buffy fans). Everyone is connected to her. Yes, she could have been given a bit more on the character front, but I don’t see her as as much of a flaw in the film as some others/reviewers seem to.

·         Look, essentially (and not very nuanced-ly), Ilya is a stalker. I think the film goes a certain distance in establishing that his early behavior toward Gaby is not normal, but concurrently it does not truly call him out on it. He’s essentially viewed as an odd-duck, sure, but not a true threat to her (should she not reciprocate or tolerate his intensity toward her). I think I might be able to cite his behavior when Gaby comes on to him (that he doesn’t jump at a chance with her) that maybe he’s given a little more nuance than a straight-on stalker, and it helps that he and Napoleon never get into a pissing match over Gaby’s person, only over her new clothes. But overall the film has to walk a fine line (and the jury is still out on how successful it is, I’d say) between playing Ilya’s laser-like attention to Gaby for its humor, and calling it out for the unsettling, threatening behavior it is.

·         Honestly, it wasn’t until I engaged the Closed Captioning that I understood Napoleon was calling Ilya the ‘Red Peril’. So, that was nearly three viewings in.

·         I give the screen credits A+, on both ends. Not to mention the end credits are actually INTERESTING with lots to see and learn! (Certainly we learn more about HG in them than we do at any time during the film)

Things I would have liked:

·         More of fish-out-of-the-Iron-Curtain Gaby moments

·         A better dichotomy shown of East vs. West Berlin/Germany. There’s nothing easy either visually or otherwise to distinguish the two.

·         HC being given a more specific American accent (from an actual locality). This, for an American viewer, works better than the flat, unlocated American accent many a British actor will bust out. *Mind you, HC does a generally good job, but he fails utterly on both “Immediate” which he pronounces at least twice as “immeedeejt” [rather than imm-E-deeot] and “Nazi” as “NAHT-zee” [rather than “NOT-zee”]. And let’s not get started on that late in the film use of ‘earnt’, a word that—well, it’s just not in the American English twentieth century lexicon.

·         C’mon. You gotta tease the Hugh Grant more.

·         Solo is a blank before the war. I’ve read thoughts on the film calling out Gaby as the blank character, but they’re wrong. Solo is the blank. He’s the ‘made’ man, his identity seemingly assembled during the war and after. For example, he doesn’t go into the war a thief, nor (it would seem) a particularly educated or urbane individual. Now THAT’s a juicy backstory I’d love to learn about, perhaps in film #2--or #3? What creates a Napoleon Solo? What would he be doing if he weren’t on the government’s leash/incarcerated? Is anyone left caring about him back wherever he calls home? I mean, who doesn’t love a gender-flipped 60s-era Holly Golightly backstory? [And yes, I would love there to be an ex-wife or even a current wife mixed up in his origins as well—Guy Ritchie, call me!]

Notes I have that I’m not sure if they still make sense to me:

·         Only mom calls me Napoleon (do he say it ‘mum’?) Is he a secret Canadian?

·         Solo’s torture, 1st view recall Napoleon’s childhood? *I think this means that after watching the first time I somehow erroneously believed that during the torture Napoleon’s childhood was a topic gone over. This was wrong. HOWEVER, this would have made far more story-sense than the backstory we’re given on an easily disposeable villain.

·         “Even the average Russian agent. You’re special.” ?

·         Uncle is Baddie (*so glad I made this note to myself)

·         Ilya’s dad IS an embarrassment. I’m not sure what genius commentary I had in my mind, here. Perhaps that Ilya himself is embarrassed of him? Not just Ilya’s handler’s? [Also, aside: Napoleon totally slut-shames Ilya’s mom, which is the doublest of double standards from ‘I got myself the biggest and most ornate suite b/c I-wanted-plenty-of-space-for-my-random-seductions’ and I really wish Ilya had thrown that back in his face] *yes, of course I know that Ilya and Napoleon would not likely equate a wife/mother’s sexual exploits with that of Solo’s, but let’s be honest, this film tweaks the nose of (I won’t say reverses, it doesn’t go that far) plenty of tropes and gender expectations, and this certainly seems like a missed opportunity to call Solo on the carpet (which I hope film #2 does far more)

Things I wrote down so long ago I don’t recall what they mean:

·         CC-save

In conclusion:

What does film #2 look like? What title does it get? Will the Peter/Neil White Collar dynamic continue to grow? *note that I have no confidence a second film will ever come to pass...

In the end, all I know is, “It didn't help when American Tom Cruise, who was slated to play U.S. spy Napoleon Solo, dropped out, prompting the casting of Cavill (who had previously read for the Russian role).“ I would not have watched that film.

[delabor]

Honeyed brown eyes glimmer with devilish delight as plump, petal soft lips twist and pull into a tongue touched grin that is one part danger, two parts hedonism and a dash of playful sincerity.  “I’ll tell you what the fuck is wrong with you. Too many clothes. You need to either be naked all the time, or in leather and/or lace…” A thoughtful tip of her dark head, “Maybe a touch of eyeliner, but yeah, with you… Less is definitely more. Bestow the gift of your body upon the eyes of the world, Baby,” she winks.

{ ☠ }{ @faiththesinfulslayer​ }

“this is starting to smell like a makeover montage, and i am  a b s o l u t e l y  here for it. i sort of wear leather all the time and eyeliner on occasion already but i need  n o  excuses to do it again!” grin; twinkle. 

“it has been awhile since i skinny dipped actually. you wouldn’t imagine how many hotels i’ve been kicked out of for doing that.” laugh; twirl; dramatic effect. “is what i’m wearing not tight enough? i’m painted in as it is.”

[clansayeed]

Bound by Destiny II, part 1 ― Chapter 6: The Amulet

PAIRING: Kamilah Sayeed x MC (Nadya Al Jamil) RATING: Mature

⥼ MASTERLIST ⥽

⥼ Bound by Destiny II, part 1 ⥽

While struggling with nightmares of lives she’s never lived, a shadow from the past looming over her city, and the proposed idea that her life may just be a little bit too weird to handle alone, Nadya makes sure to tell herself that everything is perfect just the way it is. If only. When the self-proclaimed King of Vampires (and Maker of her sometimes-girlfriend and always-boss, can’t forget that little tidbit) Gaius Augustine returns intent on claiming Manhattan as the throne that was promised, she and her friends find themselves forced into the task of saving the world. But with millennia-old vampires and an Order of hunters on their heels as well as allies hiding catastrophic secrets at their backs… it won’t be an easy task. Too bad destiny didn’t exactly ask for her input.

Bound by Destiny II and the rest of the Oblivion Bound series is an ongoing dramatic retelling project of the Bloodbound series and spin-off, Nightbound. Find out more [HERE].

*Let me know if you would like to be added to the Destiny II tag list!

⥼ Chapter Summary ⥽

The hunt is on for the Amulet of Nero. But in the wake of discovering Gaius has been freed, Kamilah is forced to voice her fears while Adrian reveals a few secrets of his own. Maricruz kinda-sorta saves the day.

WARNING: this chapter contains brief explicit sexual content

[READ IT ON AO3]

“Our betrayal of Gaius was more than an uprising; more than a simple desire to shift the balances of power. It took an extraordinary amount of conviction and the strength to resist everything that made us who we are.

“A vampire’s Maker is their lodestone, and together they are symbiotic in nature. We loved him — I see no point in denying it now that the ties that bind have been severed, and for so long. We loved him, so much that the year following our betrayal very nearly killed us in our unwanted grief.

“If you know of the feeling I speak, then I am truly sorry for your suffering. If you do not — consider yourself lucky in that you will only need to die the once. That’s what it felt like; dying. But for the sake of this I ask that you remember your moment of greatest and most profound grief. And multiply it by the number of stars in the sky.”

“Why?”

“Because I want you to understand me when I tell you that our devotion to Gaius was infinitesimal compared to how he felt about his Maker; the First Vampire — Rheya.”

Once Nadya managed to reclaim the memory that Jameson had stolen (she still doesn’t know how, please don’t ask her — eventually they’re going to ask her and what’s a profound way to say ‘IDK’ worthy of the title Bloodkeeper) it all started to come back to her in cinema-quality high definition.

But there are still parts of her dinner party from hell that feel more like parts of a dream than something that really happened. Isseya’s makeover montage was one, their startling attention to her dietary needs and wants was most certainly another.

Until she’s left with only one thing that still feels… not-quite. Not-quite real, not-quite imagined. Different than the memories but no… no it happened. Didn’t it?

“And I know that everything you do—all the killing, Turning, plotting and kingdoms and thrones… it’s all for her. Your Maker… Rheya.”

Even now, long after Adrian and Lily and Jax have gone from the penthouse with tales of goddesses and betrayals swirling around in their heads, Nadya feels… she feels like she correctly guessed an answer on a multiple choice test. Except instead of four choices there’s about a billion and the one she picked wasn’t even one of the options.

There’s a soft knock on the door but Kamilah doesn’t wait for permission to enter. It’s her place, after all. There’s something strangely comforting about the act; the normalcy of it. Like none of this has happened and they’re still a year backwards trying to understand the oddities of one another.

That was some real prime-time sitcom material right there.

But if things were normal Kamilah wouldn’t be hovering in the doorway with an uncharacteristic uncertainty.

“What’s up,” Nadya sits upright so fast her head goes a bit fuzzy but immediate panic is a valid reaction in these troubled times, “is everything okay? Oh god — is he here?”

The woman quirks a perfect brow before realizing the terrifying evil villain mastermind of which she speaks. “No, Nadya. And if he were… I would not let him take you.”

In a world of unbelievable things, Nadya has no trouble believing Kamilah means that.

And she feels Kamilah’s eyes on her for a long moment before they speak again.

“Why are you in here?”

That’s a good question. Especially since habit started dragging her tired feet to Kamilah’s bedroom after Lily’s sixth one-last-hug. No, Nadya had changed her course somewhere in the middle of the hall and… now she’s here.

“I guess… I wanted to give you some space.”

Kamilah manages to make even incredulity look graceful. “What do you possibly mean by that?”

Stop asking questions I don’t have answers to. “Well… you’re still mad at me.”

“I believe I’m due a fair bit more credit than that.”

“That wasn’t a question, Kamilah.” Not when she can feel it. Not when it stings against her skin like ice.

Kamilah tilts her head to the side slightly. “I did not assume it was. But I would like to think my feelings have more depth and complexity than something as simple as ‘anger,’ especially when it comes to you.”

And Nadya’s pretty sure there’s an unspoken confession there; the closest they’ve ever come to that kind of thing. It makes the hairs on the back of her neck stand alert — a different kind of fear.

Fear at having something. And fear of losing it.

“I can be frustrated at your recklessness and still desire your company,” she continues; reaches out a hand that Nadya doesn’t even hesitate to take. Not now, not ever probably.

With no resistance at all Kamilah leads Nadya to the other end of the penthouse; to the bedroom that’s still Kamilah’s in name but, not unlike every other space up here, Nadya has come to think of as hers, too. Theirs, even.

What a doozy of a thought.

She’s led across the bedroom to the closet; each step Kamilah takes is sure and certain and Nadya trusts her for it. Trusts her when familiar fingers run over her skin like silk and start to undress her.

Her shirt is tugged over her head. At her back Nadya feels Kamilah’s lips press like a whisper against her bare shoulder. “May I admit a terrible secret to you, Nadya?”

She wants to turn, to take every sharp edge of the woman in both palms and smooth them out until neither of them are hurting.

“You can tell me anything. You know that.”

Another kiss to her throat, to her cheek, to her temple.

“Strange of you to say it aloud… stranger still that I cannot find myself in disagreement.”

“Kamilah…”

And she realizes shortly after why the vampire has them pressed together but keeps herself almost dutifully out of Nadya’s sight. Really all she had to do was take off Nadya’s glasses, but the tension is too thick even for her particular brand of humor to cut through.

“I was afraid.”

It’s an admission that rocks Nadya to her core — and definitely makes the arms wrapped slender around her waist to undo the button of her jeans a tad less sexy.

What is she supposed to say to that?

Thankfully Kamilah doesn’t give her the chance to actually give it a thought. Or worse — say the wrong thing on impulse. “And fear… fear is not a complex emotion; not for me. You cannot find a depth in something you have not felt in… in many years.”

Her hands rest a chilly weight on Nadya’s hips. She covers them with her own slowly, gently — then all at once.

“You were afraid when Adrian was in danger.”

Like she’s trying to rationalize the most irrational emotion there is.

“I was, yes,” — there’s a quick inhale in Nadya’s ear — “but I think we both know that was a different kind of fear.”

Do we? “O—Oh.”

Nadya turns in the woman’s arms — she gives Kamilah ample time to force her back but she just doesn’t. Reminds Nadya of the statue of the woman who looked like Kamilah back on the roof over their very heads months ago.

She cups Kamilah’s cheek and feels the warmth leeched from her body. Good, she thinks, take that and more — take everything I can offer.

“I…” —was scared too, terrified, tragically terrified— “I kept hoping you’d… you’d come for me.”

“Nothing of this earth would have stopped me.”

“But —”

“But he is not of this earth. Not in a way that would have allowed me to keep you safe.”

Nadya knows that — really she does. She’s not bitter or mad or anything like it. It’s just that if she doesn’t get it out she might actually explode from how it makes her feel.

“I will not fail you again.”

“You didn’t fail me, Kamilah.”

“It is a miracle that you were returned. That you were not…”

And someone get out a camera, tape recorder, something; because words like these don’t come from a person with Nadya’s levels of anxiety often—

“But I was. Don’t think about what didn’t happen. I’m here, Kamilah. I’m right here.”

I’m right here. I’ve got you.

Three words — three words more. Words that have followed them through practically everything and that means more than either of them could express. Nadya’s a small person with a big heart and Kamilah… she’s kept her own heart locked away for so long sometimes Nadya worries she thinks she’s lost the key.

She hasn’t. God, she hasn’t.

“I’m right here,” she repeats; feels her voice catch and cling to the words like barbed wire, “I’m right here, okay?”

Hands tighten on her hips and Nadya closes her eyes before the dizziness overtakes her. The world tugged out from under her feet and the firm resistance of Kamilah’s mattress on her back and the solid form of the woman on top of her; knees on either side of her pinning her down, prone; exposed.

Vulnerable in a way she is always vulnerable to Kamilah. In a way that completely brushes aside her mortality and digs deeper into her until she’s Nadya; no last name, no history, no life outside of right here right now.

Kamilah takes her lips; takes her words, her very breath. She takes everything Nadya is willing to give.

And, as seconds tick by like hours — like eternities — as Kamilah tugs away layers and inhibitions and defies the definition of impossible to expose her all the more, she takes not only everything but maybe just a little bit more.

“Kam—il—”

She gasps, mouth slack and syllables far beyond her now. Can’t focus on anything more than the timeless struggle between not wanting to hurt Kamilah and not wanting to let go of the dark brown waves she knots in her fingers with every deft movement of her skilled tongue.

“I rather enjoy you this way,” Kamilah had said; exactly five minutes and twenty-two seconds after the first time and with every word curled in her smirking lips shiny with slick, “the woman never without something to say rendered speechless.”

And Nadya had denied that (it had taken her… a while to muster the energy to do so, but she did); insisted she didn’t always have something to say. Which kind of proved Kamilah’s point.

So this time around, when she feels the long swipe of Kamilah’s tongue; feels her lips close around her clit hungry and indulgent, Nadya promises not to deny it one single bit.

Nadya returns from the lunch cart downstairs with their sandwich boxes in hand. “Trade?”

“Trade,” replies Adrian. He barely looks up from his report while she switches their folders and leaves his turkey-no-mustard on top.

She settles back in on his office couch — heels toed off and stocking-clad feet tucked under her skirt. In order to make sure she doesn’t associate the spot permanently with bad memories Nadya’s all but forced herself into his space. All she needs is her phone charger close at hand and it’ll be her own little nest.

Thankfully, Adrian doesn’t mind.

“Hey,” she thumbs through the pages held together with a well-worn clip, “I’m missing one.”

“Mmm.”

“Adrian.”

“Yes, thank you.”

If they were any ordinary secretary and boss, it isn’t unreasonable to assume she would get fired for hurling her pink highlighter at his head with all her might. But they aren’t ordinary, Adrian isn’t ordinary — he catches it without so much as a twitching muscle but it’s enough to jostle him from his stupor.

He looks down at the marker as if he has no idea where it came from.

“Oh, Nadya,” he blinks in surprise, “when did you get back?”

“Just a second ago. I’m missing a page.”

“Of what?”

She holds up the folder with a duh sort of look on her face; Adrian quickly ruffles around the sea of papers in front of him before he plucks the right sheet out and delivers it in apology.

Nadya takes it because there’s no way she’s wasting time. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t grab his arm before he can leave.

“You okay?”

He chuckles dryly. “I should be asking you that.”

“I’m not the one acting like a zombie.”

The look Adrian gives her is an admonishing one but Nadya isn’t exactly taking it back. “My apologies.” He’s forgiven, of course, but she shoos him back to his desk anyway.

Nadya slides the printed photocopy in with the rest and starts at the page he had left off on… two paragraphs down on page one. Awesome.

Okay, maybe she’s allowed a teeny little break to eat half of her sandwich.

But the silent chewing is just too uncomfortable.

“Wanna talk about what’s on your mind?” Nadya asks; because there’s no harm in trying even if she already knows the answer.

And he doesn’t disappoint. “No, thank you.”

It’s an unintended positive that Adrian jumps back to work to avoid being asked to talk for a second time. He takes the R&D file out from under his sandwich with renewed interest — he even appropriates her highlighter for added effect.

Nadya has stopped lying to herself. Everything is not okay, not by a long shot. There’s an evil madman who once called himself King of the Vampires running around New York (at the least, and she really doesn’t want to think about where else he could have gotten to by now) — there is absolutely no universe in which that is okay.

They just have to hope they find this Amulet of Nero before he does. Not that karma is making it easy on them. Things would go a lot faster if Nadya could remember the specific vampire-memory Jameson had taken from her but no amount of Kamilah-led meditation, Adrian-supervised brain scans, or Lily-brewed “magic tea” has done the trick so far… so she’s kind of given up on that front.

“Here’s something,” she says what feels like five hours later — a quick look at the clock is (for the first time) surprisingly accurate at four and a half, “the article says here there was an issue in 1875 where the British Museum, who claimed to have the Amulet on display, was actually showing a forgery.

“Apparently they had the real deal but the day before the exhibit was set to open to the public it was stolen. They covered it up to protect the museum’s reputation.”

It’s the first real smile Nadya’s seen from Adrian all week. “That’s really good, Nadya. Add it to the timeline?”

“All over it.” She scribbles ‘London, 1875’ onto a sticky note and hops up and over to the far office wall to add it to the rest of their research. All the way from ‘Rome, 64 AD’ to the newest addition of London.

She’d be able to have a much more comprehensive collection of information and formulated theories if Adrian let her bring up one of the giant display whiteboards from the conference rooms downstairs, but she just has to make due with what she’s got.

Nadya takes a step back to take their combined work in fully. Somehow the high of finding a clue or a decent lead never really lasts. Somehow she’s always reminded of the fact that Gaius is probably ten steps ahead and counting.

“Hey, Adrian?”

He looks up from their other project — the actual work that has to be done at their actual place of business — because he’s a quick study. That or he really doesn’t want to be catching highlighters all night.

Nadya looks back to him and can’t help the worry she lets slip through the cracks.

“Do you think the Amulet really has the blood of the First Vampire inside of it?”

Because she hadn’t, not at first. But Kamilah isn’t the kind of person to make jokes on a good day and doubtful she’d start now. Gaius’ most treasured possession, hidden away so well even the owner himself couldn’t find it.

Not the Amulet itself but what it held. A giant, gaudy antique locket — and inside; a vial of blood that Gaius had told Kamilah belonged to his Maker; the First Vampire. Something he had intended to keep with the hopes of one day finding a way to resurrect her, Kamilah had said.

“Could that be such a bad thing?” Jax had asked. “Maybe she’d put him in his place.”

Kamilah didn’t agree though. “Doubtful — for two thousand years I followed Gaius’ every move and enacted his every plan. Always, he said, in Rheya’s name. If his every atrocity was done on her behalf I don’t think anything good could come of bringing her unto this world again.”

Adrian leans back in his chair and it creaks with the effort. “Honestly… I don’t know. I wish I could give you a more concrete answer, but…”

“No, no I—I know.”

“Regardless of what you or I believe, though, Gaius knows there’s something powerful inside of it. Something worth… worth putting you through months of agony for.”

Nadya has a feeling there’s more to what he wants to say but, like every time Adrian even tries to start talking about his Maker or what Jameson had done to her, he gets lost in his thoughts and it goes unspoken.

And, like every time, the inevitable apologies are the next thing he says instead.

“I can’t begin to tell you how sorry —”

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” interrupts Nadya; a little more clipped than she’d like, “how many times do I have to tell you?”

But she may as well be talking to a brick wall with ‘ADRIAN’ written on it in chalk.

“I do though, don’t you get it?”

“Obviously I don’t.”

“It was my decision to punish Gaius instead of kill him. Lester, Priya, hell even Vega wanted him killed for real. They thought even the smallest chance of him escaping could spell the end of us all. If I had chosen not to try and teach him a lesson…”

Nadya can’t really believe what she’s hearing. “You showed him mercy, Adrian.”

“Yeah,” he scoffs, “I showed mercy to a merciless tyrant.”

“You showed that you were the better man.”

“I showed weakness.”

“No,” nope, no way she’s doing this nu-uh, “being merciful is not weakness. Who the heck am I even talking to right now?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well it can’t be Adrian Raines! It sure doesn’t sound like him.” In fact, it sounds like…

Nadya refuses to let her thoughts get that dark, though.

“This isn’t a matter of opinion.” Adrian stands — suddenly he can’t look Nadya in the eye so he goes to the next best distraction. Even with his hands in his pockets though Nadya can see in his reflection of the window glass that they’re balled up into fists. His teeth are grit and she prays—actually prays—that the red she sees in his eyes is just some jet lights passing by.

“If I had been strong enough to kill Gaius the first time, if I had understood that he was beyond lessons and punishment, none of this would be happening. You would be able to come into your Bloodkeeper powers as you needed to — without the pain of being forced into it. You wouldn’t have been kidnapped. Hell—even Vega wouldn’t have had a reason to accuse me of trying to grab for his power. And Lily wouldn’t have —”

He cuts himself off but the damage is done.

“Lily?”

Adrian only looks guiltier when he turns away from the window like the bookcase holds all the answers to life and the universe. Anything so Nadya doesn’t have to see his face. But she wants to. Now more than ever.

“Finish what you were going to say, Adrian,” she has no idea how that sentence even ends but there’s an anger bubbling up inside her, unbidden; unrestrained, “‘Lily wouldn’t have’ what?”

All the frustration and tension leaves Adrian in an exhale; shoulders slumped and he lets his head hang with the weight of the world. He looks more like a man heading to a guillotine. Maybe whatever he has to say is just as awful.

He looks at Nadya with grief, pity — something close. “I was going to tell you.”

Adrian steps forward. Nadya steps back.

“Tell me what?”

“I only put the pieces together a few days ago — after we learned Gaius was still alive.”

“I asked about Lily, not Gaius.” Because those two names shouldn’t be in the same sentence. Not without words like ‘kicked’ and ‘butt’ between them and all of it in Lily’s favor.

“Nadya…”

“Oh my god — will you just stop stalling?!”

“I’m not —” he pinches the bridge of his nose, “— I thought I was being paranoid at the time. It didn’t add up, we didn’t know Jameson was working with him, Gaius was still locked in the sarcophagus; so I brushed it all aside.”

Nadya presses herself against the wall. A couple of the notes come loose and flutter to the carpet at her shoeless feet. She’s demanded him to finish talking but he hadn’t and now she wants him to shut up — she’ll do anything for him to shut up.

Because words aren’t just words anymore. Stories, thoughts, recollections — they’re all memories when it comes to them; when it comes to her. And it’s coming to her and Nadya doesn’t want to know, doesn’t want to see.

“We know now he’s been playing the long game,” Adrian continues — and Nadya hates him for it, “maybe longer than even we know. And when you put it together it… it makes sense.”

“No—no it doesn’t,” it, like what happened to Lily was as common as anything, “it doesn’t, Adrian. Because Lily was attacked by Vega, or one of Vega’s people. That’s what we decided, remember? Because it made sense. Because he wanted to use me to get to you; to have another case against you for Turning someone without permission. That’s what we all agreed had happened.”

But they still didn’t know; not with any certainty. And when everything had finally cooled off and one half of the Council wasn’t actively trying to murder the other, Adrian and Kamilah offered to help find the real culprit. Lily had said no.

It happened, it’s done — she’s moving on because nothing would change whether she knew or didn’t.

It happened Adrian, Nadya screams in her mind, with her eyes, it’s done, remember? It’s done!

If only he was a mind reader.

“Turning can be a trauma. But Lily — she didn’t remember anything. It was too convenient. It was as though…”

“… the memory had been taken from her.”

“Yes. Just like he took the memory of the Amulet from you.”

I don’t want to see this. Please don’t make me see this. And she hates them — hates them all. She hates Adrian for keeping this from her. She hates Jameson for doing this to her. She hates Gaius for being the wizard behind the curtain.

Please don’t make me see this.

The memory may have been taken from Lily but it’s not Lily she’s remembering. It’s not Lily that Nadya sees when her head turns and gazes at her reflection in the mirror on their apartment wall. It’s Jameson who raises Nadya’s hand and pushes up his spectacles and stalks deeper inside to Lily digging around in the medicine cabinet for… for something.

Jameson who smiles his unnervingly calm smile and descends his fangs. Jameson who attacks her neck savage and monstrous and drags her body to the living room for Nadya—the Nadya from before, the one who isn’t scarred by the sight of this just yet—to discover. Who puts two fingers on Lily’s sweating temples as she bleeds out gasping and desperate below him and takes the memory of it all away.

“Ohmygod—”

A gut-wrenching sob rips itself from Nadya’s throat; brings her back into her own body and out of the memory of her best friend being murdered because of her. Not a guess, not a decision based on the most logical answers — but a real, hard truth she has no choice but to face.

Lily was killed because Gaius willed it. Because Jameson never does anything without Gaius willing it. And he had sat there beside them in the Council Chamber, looked at Lily and he’d known.

Somewhere in the middle of all of these terrible facts Nadya has fallen to her knees. Hell if she remembers when. But the office carpet burns and Adrian’s suit probably isn’t made for this kind of position but he’s there, he’s holding her close keeping Nadya’s hands pinned at her sides resting his chin at the crown of her head while she sobs until there’s no air left in her lungs to manage it.

“H-How dd-id… how…”

“Sssh,” Adrian tries to calm her, “I knew it couldn’t have been one of the Clanless because of her girlfriend. There was… a trace of a scent, but I couldn’t follow up. I couldn’t risk wasting the little time she had. It was gone, replaced by Vega and Kamilah by the time I was able to get back there to check.

“That’s why I believed it was him, Nadya. But it just seemed so… you don’t know how terrible it was to watch you grieve like that. All the pain and suffering you went through, the uncertainty of whether or not Lily would survive the Turning… it was evil.

“It was something Gaius would have done. A way to torture you. Only I didn’t realize he used Jameson to do it.”

He doesn’t need to explain it now — Nadya knows; she’s seen. And she can’t even hold herself up from the pain of it but when she can stand again…

“I’m gonna kill him.”

Adrian tenses around her. “What? No, Nadya, you’re not.”

“Yes—yes I am.” She pulls away to look him in the eyes. “I’m gonna kill Jameson. For attacking Lily and leaving her to die, and for being the reason I had to… that I just…”

“I’m sorry, I am. But you know none of us will let you do something so stupid.”

“Just you wait,” she sniffles; tries to maintain the integrity of her makeup as much as possible while wiping her eyes but that’s pretty much a lost cause, “no one’s seen how stupid I can get.”

“This isn’t you. You’re not like this.”

“Tell that to the Baron’s henchman I killed.” Nadya doesn’t even know why she brings it up; didn’t even know it was something she still thought about. But is she wrong?

“In self defense; in my defense.”

“Yeah… maybe.”

He’s smart and doesn’t try to stop her when Nadya pulls away. She gathers the fallen notes and her composure with them before setting about putting them back in their right order.

Adrian stands and dusts off the knees of his suit. “Nadya…?” he asks, hesitant, but she shrugs off the hand he puts on her shoulder.

Adrian isn’t gonna let this go though, is he? Still standing at her back. Like he wasn’t trying to distance himself before.

Fine. Nadya sniffles; tries to cut the thick wetness from her voice. “How long were you going to keep it a secret? If not from me, then from Lil’?”

“Until I could find some sort of proof — or make him confess.”

“No. No more secrets. Not from me or from anyone; even you.”

Adrian nods. Yeah, he’d better. “Do you want to go now?”

“We need to find the Amulet.” Find the Amulet, find Gaius. Find Gaius, find Jameson. “Let’s just… get back to work.”

He watches and waits while Nadya settles back into her little nook on his couch. The sight is a relief, and only when she’s back with a cap in her mouth and a folder in hand does he head back to his desk.

“Yeah, yeah. Yup. Mmmhm. Thanks Am’, you’re a godsend. Oh — you know what I mean!”

The day Nadya learned that Maricruz kept a flip phone for her burner because she was really into the satisfying way you could snap the phone shut was the day a lot of things the former smuggler does started to make sense.

Against the very vocal protests of the springs Maricruz hops up on the couch and swings a leg over Lily’s head to sit perched on the back of it higher than the rest of them. She pulls Lily back close and starts tap-tapping her head like a drum in her victory. Times like this — Nadya can’t help but watch them with a little smile. Lily deserves it; that silliness, that fun in her life. Just as much as she deserves someone who can help her navigate the pitfalls of vampirism with some experience under their belt.

“Hey, hon?” Lily asks without looking up from her laptop screen.

“Hmm, mi amor?”

“Why are you playing my head like a bongo?”

“Because your head is a bongo.”

Nadya rolls her eyes with a little laugh. “Because that makes sense.”

Maricruz shrugs and doesn’t let them deter her playing.

“Okay, well are my bongos suddenly justified if I say I know where and when this dumbass Amulet was last seen?”

Lily and Nadya lock eyes from across the apartment. In a beat Nadya leaps into her armchair and Lily snaps her head around so fast there’s a few cracks in her neck. Nadya’s learned to stop questioning some weird vampire things. Most of them to do with the gag-inducing adorableness of the pair.

Lily makes a drum set of her own with her girlfriend’s knees. “Don’t keep us in suspense babe!”

“Yeah babe,” Nadya chimes in with a laugh, “plus I don’t think my little human heart can take any more suspense for the week.”

“Langdon Kavinsky.”

Crickets. No, really — the landlord refuses to do anything about the crickets.

“Gesundheit?” is about all Nadya’s got. Thankfully Lily already has her laptop dragged forward and is hammering away at the keys.

Maricruz rolls her eyes. “Funny. No, Langdon Kavinsky is the name my contact finally dug up; the name of the dick who definitely was one of the last guys to own the Amulet of Zero.”

“Nero.”

“I know what I said.”

Lily turns her screen so Nadya can see her search. “So looks like Kavinsky’s some rich white dude out in the Southwest. Says here he’s famous in certain auction circles for the lengths he’ll go to own the rarest and spookiest stuff.”

Taking in the mustache, the bolo tie, and the fact his hair looks like it was smoothed back with the grease from his smile? Nadya has no trouble imagining this. “I never trusted a man in a cowboy hat. Still don’t.”

Lily knocks Maricruz’s knee with her shoulder. “Did you get a date?”

“Ambrose isn’t exactly my type, chica.”

“I meant a date of sale and you know it. If I go blindly digging into the financial records of a guy with that many commas in his account I might not come out alive.”

Nadya and Maricruz stare at her. Lily just shrugs. “I’m an acquired humor.”

“All I got was two years ago, sorry.”

“It’s better than nothing.” Lily’s glasses almost fall off as she tilts her head all the way back to give the woman an upside-down smile. “But it means I gotta go get a few safety measures. Be right back.”

She’s gone in a flash, and Nadya doesn’t need vampire hearing to catch the sounds of rummaging computer parts among the general collected stash of miscellany she calls a bedroom.

Though… it’s not often Nadya and Maricruz are left alone together without the Lily-shaped buffer between them. Not that they don’t get along — Nadya just really doesn’t like thinking of the last time they were alone together. The Shrike and the Baron. The Cellar. Walking into this very room and seeing Lily—

“So, Lily told me.”

Nadya’s glad to be taken out of those particular thoughts… but the alternative isn’t exactly sunshine and rainbows either.

She looks over to Maricruz who taps her boot on the arm of the couch in an unheard tune. She’s prone to movement like that a lot. Never without a beat to groove to, Lily calls it.

Judging by the level look in the vampire’s brown eyes, Nadya doesn’t have to guess. It makes sense Lily would share the big mystery behind her immortal curtain.

“Oh,” she says; because… what else is she supposed to say?

Maricruz nods; clicks her tongue for a long moment and the beat of her boot definitely falters somewhere in the middle.

“Is there something you… wanted to know?”

“Well since you bring it up, yeah.” She pounces on the opportunity; startles Nadya just a tad but when she recovers it dawns on her that she’s never seen Maricruz this antsy.

Not since that night.

“I’m not gonna fucking turn her,” hours earlier she’d seen the woman impale a henchman twice her size on a pool cue like it was nothing but Nadya hadn’t been scared of her until that moment, “and if you ask again I’m out.”

So Nadya hadn’t asked — she’d risked everything, made Adrian risk everything. But Maricruz had stayed. That was the one thing that never really made sense.

“Lily kinda gave me the ‘too long; didn’t read’ version of your whole… deal. The Blooddreamer thing.”

“Bloodkeeper,” Nadya corrects, not that it matters.

“Right, yeah, that. I’m sorry you had to see it.”

Which has her swallowing on her heart dry in her throat. “Me too.”

“So then does that mean you can, like, see everything about us? Through our whole lives up to now?”

It’s not a question asked lightly. Maricruz is uncertain and probably for good reason. Nadya is uncertain, too. She thinks to the journal she has hidden at the bottom of her bag (the first thing she’d checked for after realizing she was no longer under Gaius’ boot; honestly she was surprised it was still there) and wishes not for the first time that she could give someone—anyone—the ‘definite’ answer they’re looking for.

“I don’t know. Not — not before anyone was Turned, I think.”

“Can you pick whose memories you see, though?”

“No.”

“But Lily —”

And Nadya shuts that down real fast; “If I could have picked whether or not to see my best friend’s murder I think I would have opted out.”

Immediately Maricruz turns away — she knows she’s crossed a boundary. “No — no of course.”

“Why don’t you just ask me what you want to ask me, Mari?”

Lily still breathes because she’s spent more time alive doing it than not. Adrian and Kamilah still breathe because they have lives and stakes in the human world; and because Adrian enjoys it on some level.

But Maricruz is always so still. Like the day she realized she no longer needed to hold her breath was a relief she never knew she needed.

Nadya watches, silent except for her breathing (which she actually needs to do) and swears its just the lights from the apartment building across the street that make it look like Maricruz goes through a century of anguish in the seconds that pass.

Even though she knows better by now.

“She makes me a better person, you know?” The vampire finally says; and Nadya does know — she really does. “When we met — when she still thought I was human — I think that was the first time I’d really laughed in years. Hell—Matsuo was so confused when I showed up back at the Den that morning. I think he was a little scared to be honest.”

Nadya can imagine it; imagine but not remember it for herself thank god, and it makes her smile. “I bet.”

“There’s just this—this energy Lily has. You see it, you feel it too. More than optimism, its…”

“Lilyism?”

A very-much made up word that has them both in soft laughter. “Yeah,” Maricruz agrees, “‘Lilyism.’ I like that.

“When you’re new to all this, when your Turning is violent and scary, it’s so easy to go Feral. To lose all that spark you had in life. And I’ve been around since the Clans started. Raines — he was the most trustworthy of the lot but that wasn’t saying much in my book. He played by the rules but he was the only one doing it. If the Council fucked Lily over…”

She doesn’t have to say it. Nadya knows. Thankfully — thanks to Maricruz herself, actually — that’s not something she ever felt like she needed to worry about.

“You wanted to make sure she didn’t lose all the things that made her Lily.”

“Yeah. She made me a better person in just that short while we knew each other. Returning the favor was the least I could do.”

There’s a thunk from the direction of the bedrooms and they both stop; silent. Nadya knows its irrational, it’s not like they’re discussing something secret. But it’s a private moment — for the both of them.

And it won’t last much longer. “Look, Nadya,” she clenches her fists on top of her jeans frayed and worn at the knees, “what I’m tryin’ to say is this; if the time ever comes and you end up seeing the me I was before I met Lily, I just gotta ask you not to judge me for it. I’m not that woman anymore. I’ve done some stuff I’m not proud of and I’ll tell Lily eventually. I will. But…”

“But you deserve the chance to tell her in your own time and in your own way.”

“Yeah. That’s it exactly.”

They meet eyes across the suddenly vast apartment living room. Whatever Maricruz was expecting has her hesitant — but Nadya couldn’t be more understanding.

Hesitancy melts into visible relief. And Maricruz definitely would have thanked Nadya; she knows that much at least. If it wasn’t for the fact that the spell of their moment is broken by Lily bounding in at a surprisingly human speed and with arms filled with computer parts; the very least of which looks like it includes a tower, two monitors, and what looks like a DJ’s digital board.

“Cariña,” and even Maricruz looks intimidated by the amount of it all, “this is ‘a few?’”

Lily doesn’t even bother with fake remorse. They both know her better than that — and she knows it. “Better safe than sorry?”

It’s so Lily; a Lilyism by textbook definition. Nadya and Maricruz exchange looks over her technological dragon’s hoard and share that exact thought at the exact same time — and burst into laughter.

[hopeandharmonizing]

Briar’s Tattoos

Briar knew she wanted her tattoos and had a general concept shortly after starting at Sanctum. However, she couldn’t have them done until she was 16 with her legal guardian’s signature.

She presented as a relatively “normal” girl before then. She’s a sweetheart, really. She dressed and acted and sang like one. ...Which made it incredibly jarring to people who wanted to get to know her, and then suddenly couldn’t understand why they felt so uneasy. 

Once she started learning how to fight, ignited a competitive spirit in sparring, learned more about her own body, found her claws, tried to overcome the struggle of making friends... she decided it was time for a change: If no matter how hard she tried to be kind, she was still known as a terrifying type of faunus, still seen as a huntress-in-training force to be reckoned with, still treated as intimidating and “too good for us” and mocked as a “big bad wolf” - then she would claim all of this and make it her own, instead of allowing it to be used against her. If she looked like someone dangerous and unapproachable, then maybe people would have something to blame for the way they felt around her. They could choose whether they wanted to interact with that in the first place. They could take the first step in conquering that fear on their own, rather than be taken by surprise.  (but of course, we also eventually become at least a little of what we pretend to be...)

Briar designed her vines as a very intentional echo of the paradox in her life between distance and intimacy. For as much as they represent the jagged scrub keeping intruders away from Sleeping Beauty’s tower, they also invite. They invite attention. They invite looks and touches to start at the edges and travel the winding path to her center. They invite any hands holding her torso to slide along toward an intersection and wrap her tighter. They invite focus just as much to where she is left bare, framing and accentuating her more soft and tender parts.  She is, forever and always, both tough and gentle. bad girl and good girl. (I honestly debate giving her a Jekyll and Hyde allusion as well. but. maybe that is Too Many.)

Also just imagine a training/makeover montage as she creates this song, please and thank: I'm not your average type of girl I'm gonna show the world the strength in me That sometimes they can't see I'm about to switch my style And soon things may get wild But I’ll prove that I can conquer anything So from my head to toe I'm taking full control I'll make it on my own This time Better watch out Going for the knockout And I won't stop Till I'm on top now Not gonna give up Until I get what's mine Better check that I'm about to attack And I'm hot now So you better step back I'm taking over So watch me shine 

[sometimesrosy]

If we do get a shot of Bellamy doing a major double take as he, stunned, watches a clean, radiant, beautiful Clarke make her debut at the rave, I honestly do not understand how people can still deny romantic Bellarke. It’s the tropiest of romance tropes. I mean, come on, you cannot deny the power of a good makeover montage and the heart eyes that ensue. And this is the most fitting time to break out the Princess half-jokes. Imagine Clarke’s exasperated, fond expression.

In my experience with this fandom, they ignore what they don’t want to see. Facts. Canon. Logic. Definitions. Reality. 

They will continue to do so when something happens they don’t like. So if they don’t want to see Bellarke as romantic, they won’t see it. I get why CL or B/E fans don’t see it, because they want a different ship, but I’ve never understood why Bellarke fans don’t see it. Why they look at ALL the romantic tropes and cuts and fades and dialogue and narrative that Bellarke has gotten in canon and say we’re imagining it. I mean, if they want it to happen, shouldn’t they be looking for the signs instead of ignoring it? 

I mean, I am seriously only doing basic literary analysis here, and I can’t count the number of times I’ve been called delusional, drunk, high and crazy. BASIC HIGH SCHOOL LITERARY ANALYSIS. I am educated, trained and certified to do this by academic and government agencies, and not only do they erase canon when it doesn’t please them, but they erase my training, my profession and the actual academic disciplines of literary scholarship, filmmaking and writing. It’s remarkable, really. I’m not being arrogant here. I’m a high school teacher. This isn’t arrogance. This is just a field of study. It is real. I’m not making this shit up. They would rather imagine that all the professionals making this show don’t know what kind of lighting is romantic, or the bellarke we see is really just a beliza attraction and NOTHING to do with the story, that Eliza and Bob can’t act, JR can’t write, Tree Adams is accidentally writing a romantic score and didn’t mean it, the cinematographers don’t know how to use a camera and the editors don’t MEAN to show Bellarke heart eyes and fades and closeups. All Bellarke seen on screen is an accident of nature and the delusions of bellarke clowns.

Hm.

That makes me wonder what they’re getting out of The 100 and Bellarke and fandom at all. Maybe what they want is NOT for Bellarke to be fulfilled but rather for someone to hate and be at war against. Maybe if they don’t have someone (a ship, opposing fans, a character, the writers) to fight with, then they don’t know what to do with themselves? 

I do not have faith that the fandom will see Bellarke as canon. Like. Ever. Even if they get married and have sex and have babies, they will say it was fanservice and forced, and Bellamy was sloppy seconds and Clarke’s true love was always CL and Clarke is abusive or Bellamy is abusive and this is a toxic relationship for two villains. Or whatever they come up with. Bellarke fans will be called delusional toxic bullies, JR will be called a bad homophobic writer. Bellarke will be called a betrayal of what could have been. Or whatever. Watch.

I’ve been watching this story develop since Hakeldama, and I keep going, look, right there, this is what they’re saying, this is going to come back, this is the essential theme, this is their archetype, these are their journeys, and the story keeps matching what I’ve been saying. Yes I can get some plot points wrong, I’m not magic 8 ball, but the story is, and has always been, about Clarke and her relationship with Bellamy, they are soulmates, and as long as they can get to the end, we’ll get to see it. It looks like we *got* to the end of that story with season 5, so now, we get the romance. 

And it is clear. 

Unless you don’t want to see it. 

Then it’s not there at all.

[dawnie1988]

SPN Episode 4 Thoughts...

So, not quite what I was expecting at all, given all the images we were given of that fight scene, but a damn solid episode regardless. And let's take a moment to really praise and appreciate that opening scene because hot damn! Incredible fight montage, love the way it slowed down in different spots to really emphasize the moves, just textbook definition badassery and hats off to Mr. Ackles for it 👏👏👏

However, although it plays along into my endgame theory that we'll end up with a bit of a season 5 revisit where that old prophecy of one brother must kill the other must finally be fulfilled, I'm just not too sure what it all means, so in general the whole thing kind of freaked me out. Though I have since seen a very interesting theory in regards to it being Sam's connection to Chuck from the bullet and him being able to see all of Chuck's other versions/stories of them. We shall see...

I honestly kind of thought I was gonna be disappointed by it not being the more action centered episode I was envisioning, but then I forgot how much I miss just a good ol' case of the week episode. The brothers doing what they do, even if it was a bummer case, them having to take the kid out like that, the kid turning himself over so he couldn't hurt anyone else anymore, Jensen's song so perfectly playing in the background! But if that wasn't enough, the line from the kid's father, about how they don't know what it's like to be a parent who would do anything for their kid? They do know!! They know very well!!! Uhhgg, gut punch.

Dean's eating his feelings. Big time. Sames. 'Nuff said bout that.

Sammy is all kinds of jaded right now and it's hurting my heart 😞 It's bad enough to see him in pain, but to see him losing hope like this? Yup, hurts big time. But can we please applaude that end car scene? Sam confessing to just being tired and not ok, big brother Dean worrying over him like he does best, giving out the pep talk, man. Good, strong stuff, the entire scene. Jared was freakin' killing me. You could see it, feel it, that he's currently just done. Incredibly relatable for a lot of us, I know. Plus, I don't know if it was intentional or purely coincidental, but to me the whole thing was giving off major AKF vibes, which played very well.....even if I am just imaging it.

However, as great as all that stuff was, we've gotta address the other biggie. Because just as I felt episode 3 was Rowena's episode, I feel pretty comfortable in saying that this was totally Becky's episode.

Cuz I mean, just wow! Talk about an incredible, never saw it coming turnabout! I've never liked Becky, which I think is a pretty common though amongst most fans. Like, I can understand and appreciate what they were going for with her, a tease to the obsessive fans and whatnot, plus, if I'm not mistaken - but don't quote me on this - they also started that before they all really, truly understood just what the fandom had grown into and what it meant to so many. But still, she was obnoxious and annoying as shit to me. (Although I have always enjoyed the moments between her and Chuck) And by the time we got to the forced marriage, love spell, basically date rape thing with her and Sam it was like yup, screw Time For A Wedding, it was Time For Becky To Leave And Never Return. So, imagine my surprise when she pops up in this episode and was *gasp* one of us??!!

Again, always do love the moments and chemistry between her and Chuck, but I was kind of losing my mind a little. Every time she opened her mouth to tell Chuck about here life makeover and what she's turned and channeled her love of SPN and the boys into, and especially all the stuff she told Chuck about writing and fan fiction being real writing......I felt like every word she spoke I was like 'yup....yup.....yes!.....Preach. On. It. Sister.'

That whole monologue, in particular, felt like such a mini love letter to not just the fans but especially to all you kick ass writers who don't get nearly enough credit.

So can we just make it official and agree we are all Becky in this episode? Good? Good.

Again everything with those two was pretty golden. I loved all the 'wink-wink-nudge-nudge' to the camera and the fans moments, like Chuck insisting that the Leviathans were freaking cool. Lol. I just love the way they can appreciate their missteps and aren't afraid to call themselves out on it.

But then shit got real. Jensen had said there'd be a moment where Rob would be his sweet, good natured self before changing into something more sinister in a heartbeat, and whoo nelly he wasn't kidding! It's absolutely wild to me that kind, soft spoken Rob is even capable of making such a change but damn if he didn't give me the full on heebie jeebies. And then the other big moment: Becky's husband comes home and he freakin' dusted him! Like, full on, Thanos Snapped his ass and dusted him!

I literally had to pause for a moment because I was having a 'holy shit!' moment. And then we hear hers kids coming in and it was like no, surely he's not gonna......AND THEN HE DID!!! Again, actually had to pause for a moment. And then this line of ' Oh don't worry they're not dead, they're just gone.' .......I'm sorry, but WTAF does that mean?! Are they in another universe? Are they in some kind of in between world like The Empty? Or they stuck on a mountain top in the Himalayas?? I repeat: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???

Then he dusted her and again, I never thought I'd be anything but thrilled to see her go but God damn, that was rough and I felt genuinely sad for her.

So yeah, big, heavy episode. I feel like I should give more attention to all the Sam and Dean moments, especially that final scene of theirs, but if I get into it more it's gonna mess my head up big time. But it was, hands down, one of the best, strongest, most emotionally impactful Winchester Broment ever and hats off to both guys for slaying it.

In conclusion, I have never been more terrified of Chuck.

Special Shoutouts: Benny! Another moment I had to pause on cuz I could instantly hear, even through the time zone differences, the screaming of several of you on here over that.

And also, MVP goes to Toby the Beaver. My mind will not be changed on that. Ever. Deal With It.

[nellie-elizabeth]

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: I'm Almost Over You (4x11)

Aww Nathaniel... you're killing me with this. I'm seriously so very sad and I don't know what to do about it.

Cons:

I'm starting to ever-so-slightly change my opinion about this new Greg. I think the actor is doing a great job, and I think he's playing a character that is realistically what Greg would be like after everything he's been through. But the energy between Rebecca and Greg is not the same as it was between Rebecca and... Greg. It feels like I'm watching Rebecca fall in love and start a relationship with someone completely new, not the same guy she had such a confusing relationship with in the past. I don't want to feel that way. I want to be 100% on board. But I have to be honest.

Pros:

After last week, I realized I really needed this episode. A full episode of Nathaniel working through his feelings and reconciling this new performative "good guy" thing with the realities of what that means for his relationship with Rebecca. If he's being a better person in order to get with Rebecca, then it's not real. But this episode shows him doing the hard emotional work, and coming to understand that he needs to move on with his life, and he needs to let Rebecca do the same. I personally am still kind of devastated about it... I think if I had to pick a romance that I would want to win in the end, I'd still pick Nathaniel. And maybe that's a weakness of this narrative, or maybe it's a strength, because I sincerely wish the best for Nathaniel and hope he finds happiness in his life, even if it's not with Rebecca.

Sometimes, when a story does a parody of another type of story, it can come across flat, because the only joke is "hey, this is meta - you recognize it so therefore it's funny!" I see it all the time with genre-bending stories. A thing isn't good comedy just because you recognize it. But that's what Crazy Ex-Girlfriend always does so well. The framing of this episode is funny - Nathaniel imagines himself inside of a romantic comedy in order to work out his feelings about Rebecca. But the individual jokes also work so well, and there's real effort put in to calling out all of the tropes. There's the obvious ones, like Nathaniel realizing who the right girl is at the last minute, and running to her, or the makeover scene, or the fake-dating-turned-to-actual-feelings thing. But there are also the less obvious call-outs, like the fact that there are conveniently timed public gatherings for various important plot points to occur, that couldn't possibly be organized so quickly. Or Paula's character, the person heavily invested in the important presentation for the big client, who has no other real role in the movie. It was hilarious on its own.

And then there are the one-off jokes. I can't tell you how great the comedy in this episode was. I could list the parts that I laughed at, but I'll distill it down to just a few. I loved everything that Maya did in this episode, but I think my favorite was during the montage where Nathaniel and Maya work on the "big presentation," we hear snippets of Maya's sad mom backstory: "I never had a real mom. Just a dead mom." That cracked me up. Another favorite moment was when Paula is elated about the big presentation happening, and then stares off into the distance in horror, wondering what her purpose is now.

Oh, and another thing: this kind of progressive storytelling is par for the course in Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, but I think sometimes it's important to call it out. We learned that Maya is bi in a one-off joke a few seasons ago, when Darryl has his big coming out song. Here, in Nathaniel's imagined rom-com, she's bi, and her romantic goal is a woman, while of course along the way she's falling in love with Nathaniel. Her sexuality is not a big issue, it's totally not called out, it's completely normalized inside of the narrative. In all of those movies Nathaniel watched the first half of, I'm willing to bet there were not many (if any) queer characters, and certainly not ones in the leading role.

This episode was for Nathaniel, and Nathaniel stole the show in the best way. I want to focus on that moment at the end, when Nathaniel talks to Rebecca. We're not in his rom-com anymore, this is reality - he goes up to Rebecca and he tells her about how he imagined himself in a popular genre in order to contextualize his experiences, and he learned some hard truths about himself. Ummm... sound familiar? Rebecca sure seems to think so. It's brilliant, because this episode is very unlike the rest of the show in terms of the tone, the camera work, the music, everything. Even the protagonist has shifted. But at the same time, this little moment at the end shows us that this episode is quintessentially representative of everything this show is doing. I loved that.

I also just have to go back to what I was saying at the beginning - I feel so genuinely bad for Nathaniel, it's breaking my heart just a little bit! The moment when he is talking to Maya/Rebecca inside his mind, and she says he has to let her go, and her voice breaks a little bit when he says "really?" Aw man. And he just sobs while hugging that poor pizza delivery guy. He's so genuinely distraught, but he really does love Rebecca, and he's gotten to a place where he can love her in an unselfish way, and let her go. It's quite the character arc. Look at how far he's come since he entered this show back in Season Two!

So that's all I've got. I'm still really in love with this show, and I can't wait to see the final seven episodes. I'm going to cry when it's all over, I just know it!

9.5/10