#I’m home after a long pride weekend and I’m so so happy haha my body is so sleepy

[gay-renae]

Back In the cow belt 💫

[strayfreckles]

all on you.

☕︎︎ hwang hyunjin x reader (ft. ryujin, felix, & yeji); highschool au, friends-to-lovers au, barista au, bulletpoint fic.

maybe you would’ve gotten out of highschool with your emotions (and pride) unscathed if it weren’t for hwang hyunjin and his so-called romantic, obnoxious—and, in your case, unfortunately effective—antics.

includes: fluff, angst (especially in the middle), mutual pining, somewhat slow burn (?), gn!reader, barista!reader, a hefty amount of swearing, the only consistent thing you’ll see here is how utterly terrible this is, fluctuating humor

notes: this was requested by a wonderful anon! before you dive in, i’d like to inform you that this is my first fic of any kind, so please tread gently 😔✋ though constructive criticism is appreciated !! hope you enjoy (and hopefully not cringe too much sdkdnkdks) <33

wordcount: 2.8k

let me be the first to say that you absolutely abhor romance films with every existing fiber and cell in your body.

like, you cannot physically withstand the atrocity that is occurring right before your very eyes and you have to tear your gaze away before you bash your head to the nearest table.

and though you do admit that you’re overreacting sometimes

you also admit that you’re a massive dumbass for falling prey to one of the most common—and one of the most infuriating tropes—that is falling for your best friend.

yeah, hwang hyunjin? that boy holds your heart between his palms and with every smile you fall deeper and deeper

you’ve known that kid since you started eating crayons in elementary, and since then you’d been attached at the hip, clung to each other through all the clownery of middle school

finding each other in places is like a sixth sense; it only takes you both less than a minute to find the other before startling them with a quiet “hey, you”

but time is impatient, and that timid, starry-eyed boy you knew became the dimpled heartthrob come highschool—geared with the smarts and the talents and love-laced words that sent boys and girls running after him

but to you he was always just that kid who nearly consumed clay cakes because “it looked so real!”

until he wasn’t

it just came to you like a blow to the face, in the middle of sophomore year, sitting on hyunjin’s bedroom floor on a weekend trying to cram revise for your upcoming exams

you decided to take a quick break, and made the mistake of looking at hyunjin

and my oh my was he stunning

every laugh that tumbled from his lips sounded like a fucking symphony

and the bastard was just playing with kkami !!

he looked so damn soft as he planted kisses on his coat

every single constellation you knew was embedded in his irises

haha heartbeat go brrrrrrr

and maybe all you wanted was for him to never stop smiling, because he looked the most beautiful when he did, and maybe you wanted to brush his hair away from his face because you couldn’t see his eyes all that well and what the fuck—

you just malfunctioned

because that was your best friend

he noticed you staring, of course, and had the audacity to smirk, and in a second you wanted to set yourself on fire

“y/n, i know i look good, but at least try to be subtle.”

“you look like a low-budget minion, hyunjin.”

“i’d rather be a minion than a shabbier version of gru, thank you.”

(many fists were thrown that day, and hyunjin learned not to pick fun at your clothing lest that he face humiliation)

for the first few months you were in constant denial, even going so far as to blame hyunjin himself for forcing you to watch countless romcoms on your weekly sleepovers

but once you catch hyunjin staring at you with that fond look in his eyes, one he’s carried since childhood, your heart finally has the courage to murmur into the concaves of your chest, i am in love

it gets worse around senior year

the summer after junior year you land yourself a job at miroh café, a coffee shop at the heart of the town bc you’re broke as fuck and you need the cash

and, as expected, hyunjin becomes a frequent patron

he’s armed with a pickup line every single time he orders

and every single time you have to tell your heart to calm the fuck down he’s always been like this c’mon gimme a break

it’s even gone to the point where the regulars mistake him as your boyfriend

and as if your conscience nagging you 24/7 wasn’t enough mental baggage, your coworkers and fellow seniors, felix and ryujin, decided to weigh in

“if that isn’t the look of someone who’s simping over you then i don’t know what is,” ryujin nudges you, and from the repetitive force you’ve sustained from the past week you’re surprised your ribs aren’t bruised yet.

“you act like you’re not in the same dance crew,” you scoff, “ryujin, he flirts with everyone—he even had the balls to hit on chan!”

“let me remind you that denial is always the first stage of falling in love,” felix chirps, cheerful as he replenishes the pain au chocolat in the display.

“and let me remind you that i’m holding a very hot cup of coffee straight out of the machine; ‘accidents’ can happen, felix.”

of course, you weren’t in denial—you’d been past that stage long ago

it’s just that you didn’t wanna give yourself false hope

you didn’t want to lose this beautiful thing with him that’s lasted for nearly a decade because of your stupid emotions

so you’ve trained yourself to remain indifferent to the many compliments and lines he sent your way, hoping that if you could fool the others into thinking he didn’t affect you, maybe you could fool yourself, too

but oh ho ho, do i have some news for you (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞

you don’t know how hyunjin’s pulse speeds up whenever he sees a handwritten note on his coffee wishing him good luck

you don’t know how often he forces himself to stop staring at you whenever you’re not looking

you don’t know how stupidly happy it makes him when he sees you smile

especially when he’s the reason why.

maybe everything about you makes hwang hyunjin happy

and maybe if you weren’t so kind and gentle and considerate during the times he lost a competition then maybe he wouldn’t have fallen this hard

but you were (and still are)

during the times you cried from laughter at all his antics

or cracked a smile at one of his pickup lines

he’d think that maybe—just maybe—he could stand a chance

but every time he did, he’d spiral into self-doubt

because there’s no way you would ever fall for him

you’re the kindest, most talented person hyunjin has ever known who deserves the universe

and he’s just… him

even if he did plan to confess, he’d be putting everything at stake; you’re too important to him, losing you would be a loss too heavy for him to bear

so he’s content with playing this role

even if the idea of you being with someone else hurts him so much

he’s content with reminding you everyday—even if it isn’t direct—that your mind is like no other, and that anybody would be blessed to have you

you both think it's always going to be like this

with you struggling to keep your feelings from showing

and hyunjin battling his inner demons

and those left to perceive the “discreet” ogling across the room and the hidden yearning in your voices are none other than (you guessed it!) felix and ryujin 🤩

it was funny the first few months

but now it’s just plain frustrating and they want nothing more than to bash your two oblivious heads together because y’all !! are !! idiots !!

no matter how much they persist, they’re always met with either a sad, gentle smile with a shake of the head or a monotonous “ha. you’re really funny.”

both have considered dropping your asses but they can’t because they love y’all too much

so all they can do is hope for a change

and change does indeed arrive when september rolls around

dance practice has just ended and hyunjin feels hyped because it’s movie night and he can’t wait to cry to kimi no na wa again

and lowkey stare at you for the entirety of the film

he exits his dance crew’s studio and is about to go straight to 7/11 for snacks when he spots the team’s newest recruit by the road, waiting for a ride home

hwang yeji’s only moved here two months ago and in a short span of time she’s already become one of the well-liked kids at school

but she’s a kind & humble sweetheart who deserves all the love & attention !!

so being the good sport he is, hyunjin approaches yeji with the brightest grin, having only talked to her a few times prior

“hey, there! yeji!” when the girl turns to him, her smile looks and feels like liquid sunshine. “waiting for your date?”

yeji turns rosy when he asks, like she does when everyone teases her about her special someone, who she’s been crushing on for weeks and who she finally had the courage to ask out. “c’mon, stop that. i don’t even know if they like me like that—they probably think it’s just another friendly date.”

“they’re a fool if they don’t end up liking you after, then,” hyunjin quips, hoping the bitterness doesn’t seep into his tone and wishing he has half the luck and strength yeji has, and she laughs.

“you know them, actually.”

“oh?”

“yeah! y/n l/n?”

oh.

o h

hyunjin can only blink at her dumbly, feeling like a thousand arrows are digging into his skin

you… with hwang yeji?

is that why you asked about her the other day? because you like her back? and that her feelings are far from being one-sided?

watching a dark cloud loom over his features, yeji thinks about asking if he’s okay when he blurts out an inaudible excuse as he walks away, zooming past the convenience store when he does

when he heads off he doesn’t even look at where he’s going, relying solely on muscle memory

he feels like he wants to grow smaller, biting his lower lip and clenching his hands into fists

he doesn’t even know why he’s upset

you were never his to lose

why would he regret what couldn’t be in the first place?

when his feet instinctively halt in front of miroh café, all he can do is stare blankly at the glass doors, at your figure behind the counter

but he wills himself to move away again, and when he does he clashes with another body

“hey, watch where you’re... hyunjin?”

ryujin stares at him with her mouth half agape, and she flinches when she sees his eyes glistening, his face flushed with the shade of pure heartbreak

“did you know about them?” he’s afraid to raise his voice, because doing so would mean there’s no stopping his emotions, “about… y/n and yeji?”

the lack of response provides the answer, and hyunjin walks away from the block

that afternoon, a cup of coffee with his name scrawled on the front went forgotten on the countertop

that evening, hyunjin doesn’t show for your monthly tradition for the first time in five years

you spend the rest of your evening obsessively checking your phone for text from him, wracking your brain for reasons he couldn’t come

of course, there are multiple reasons: like schoolwork (you are seniors, after all) and the upcoming dance competition

but you know he would text you over the slightest inconvenience, so why isn’t he saying a thing?

you rack your brain for anything you might’ve done, and your chest tightens when you think that maybe—just maybe—he’s finally caught on to you

you try to distract yourself with other thoughts as you lie wide awake in your bed: like your midterm exams, the nearing debate tournament… your date with yeji

bright, splendid hwang yeji who shares the wittiest jokes in biology and has the most colorful personality around

the first time you spent time with her she made you smile so wide it made your cheeks hurt

her laugh is the loveliest one you’ve ever heard; like dewy lavender fields beneath the spring sunshine

but every time you hear it you’re reminded that it isn’t hyunjin’s laugh, that you aren’t with him and every time you realize it you wanna cry

bc yeji’s been nothing but sweet and considerate this whole time and you’re more than guilty at the fact that all her attentions will be wasted because of you and your stupidity

you barely escape the wrath of crying yourself to sleep when you finally doze off when the clock hit two am

the next day at school, you both barely even make eye-contact

even the underclassmen who’ve heard the frequent calls of your names feel uneasy when they don’t hear hyunjin’s high-pitched voice or your shrill tones

felix especially, who’s experienced the trauma of sitting in between you two at history and feeling the tension that nearly chokes him

you’re more than terrified to look at him at him in the eye, terrified that once you do you’ll realize he doesn’t gaze at you the same way anymore

something inside hyunjin aches every time he spares you a glance, because every time he does it’s painfully obvious that he’s always been hopeless

in all honesty, hyunjin wouldn’t have shown his face at all if it weren’t for the tiny thread of patience inside ryujin snapping

so here he is, inside miroh a quarter before closing time

felix’s eyes nearly bulge out of his head when he sees him, so he sends a pointed look to his coworker,

“what did you do?” he murmurs. ryujin’s eyes are sharp when she looks at him, and he feels his blood run cold.

“what i needed to.”

no, she didn’t threaten to kill his entire family, if that’s what you’re wondering

she merely gave him… a warning

so one can imagine the surprise you feel when you emerge from the staff room, and felix drags ryujin outside to give you privacy

you both remain silent once they’re gone, neither one of you moving in place

until quiet words escape your mouth, and the familiar greeting makes hyunjin’s heart clench:

“hey, you.”

he doesn’t make a sound, so you continue, the tension heavy

“you owe me three dollars, by the way. i just wasted a perfectly good iced latte with the other day when you didn’t…”

when you trail off, hyunjin opens his mouth to let out an apology, and he realizes with a start that the words tumbling out are completely different:

“why didn’t you tell me?”

“what?”

“why didn’t you tell me about yeji?” hyunjin’s eyes begin to quiver when they meet yours, “we’re best friends, aren’t we?”

your jaw tightens, i told you. best friends. nothing more. “because you worry too much about everything; if i’d told you about us then you’d—”

“y/n, we’ve been together for a decade!” hyunjin intervenes, “we’re always going to worry about each other, whether you like it or not. and this— this is… i…”

every coherent thought vanishes as hyunjin grapples for more things to say. he knows he’s being selfish, undoubtedly so, but he wants you. he wants you so, so bad. the fight in him leaves until, eventually, all that’s left to say is the truth: “please, don’t go. don’t go… with her.”

your heart is close to breaking your ribcage when you stare at his face, you wait for him to say anything, to justify why he’s said it, but when the quiet settles, all you can see is red

“this is why i don’t tell you about these things,” you grit, trembling violently. “when i do, you say— say stuff that make me believe that you feel the same way i do when you actually don’t.

“and i hate you so much but in the end it’s all my fault because i’m the idiot who caught feelings for their best friend and—”

hyunjin doesn’t let you add anything else, because his lips are on yours and you’re overwhelmed with the feeling of him, him, him

the kiss doesn’t leave any room for doubt; he’s shaking, and his legs might give out, but he wants you to know that everything he feels is real

you’re both gasping for air when you pull away, but his hands still linger on your face and he traces the edge of your mouth, and you can do nothing but pull him closer by the waist

“still hate me now?” he asks, and you chuckle breathlessly, putting your forehead on his.

“yes, very much so,” you look at him tenderly, and he yelps when you pinch him gently, “this is all on you, y’know. if it weren’t for your godforsaken romcoms, we wouldn’t have ended up like this.”

“but if it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t have ended up with a boyfriend, amirite? ow, shit— i’m kidding!”

bonus!

“oh, thank fuck,” felix exhales, looking through the windows one more time before ambling beside ryujin, who looks pleased with herself as she places her apron on the crook of her elbow. “so, spill: what did you tell hyunjin?”

she smiles, “i told him not to give up before he’s even tried anything; sometimes, there are people who are worth taking that risk for.”

just as felix is about to commend her for sounding the most wholesome he’s heard her, she adds: “and i threatened to revoke my tutelage—his ass is failing calculus so hard.”

[chibinekochan]

Angel in Hell - Part 6

Obey me! Angel Reader Au.

Gen. reader insert.

Read the other parts first. part 1 | part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | | Part 5  | 

~2,5k words

Taglist:

@gothjuulpod  ; @purgatoryhall ; @sibit360  ; @a-personnamed-ace

*message me/send an ask if you want to be on here*

 ____________________________

Just a heads up that there is a very heated argument between Satan and Asmo later on.  

Also, a demon is hitting on angel Mc but they leave without doing much. 

Just skip the last part if you are uncomfortable with these.  *Basically everything that happens after you meet Satan.* 

____________________________________________________

  A few days have passed and the weekend is finally approaching. 

This week was very hectic. 

You mull over what to do. 

Maybe you should do some exploring. 

Then your phone rings.

  It's Mammon. 

"Hey, I was just thinking that you probably have nothing going on this weekend so I figured I'd be nice and invite you out. I plan to go with Asmo to a club. I think it will be great fun and we can really let go, you know. What do you think?" Mammon asks you in a roundabout way but you can tell that he wants to spend time with you. 

" A club? I haven't been to a demon club before but as long as we are home before curfew it should be fine." You think that it sounds like fun. 

"Sometimes you need to let go, you know. Rules are great and all but you can't just live like this. Well whatever, it's fine with me. I will make sure to bring you safe and sound back." Mammon seems slightly annoyed but still goes out of his way to do it anyway. 

" I will trust you. When will we meet?" You smile lightly. 

"Wow, talk about a direct hit. I'll pick you up at 7 pm. Is that okay?" Mammon seems a bit taken aback. 

"Sounds great. I look forward to it!" This sounds like fun to you. 

You both hang up. 

Now your plan for tonight is set but now the question is what are you dressing? 

Then you see a message from Asmo. 

Asmo: I heard the great news. I'm excited. Do you know what you are going to wear?

  You: No, I was just thinking about it. 

Asmo: Great, then come over here. I have tons of great outfits and I can do your styling too! 

You: Isn't that a bother to you? 

Asmo: Nonsense, just come here, I look forward to it. ❤️

You: Alright, I'm on my way! ^_^

  With a smile, you grab a few things and make your way to Asmo. 

You knock on his door. 

"Coming! " Asmo opens the door just a few moments later. He wears a bright smile on his face. 

"Come on in. I already have some outfits for you in mind. Let's see what suits you best." Asmo seems very giddy. It's infectious.

  You smile at him and step inside the room. 

Asmo already has a few things shattered over his bed. 

Curious you take a look at the flashy clothing items. 

You don't think that you have ever seen anything like this before. 

They seem to sparkle in every color of the rainbow.

  "Is there anything that caught your eye?" Asmo has stepped behind you, sounding delighted. 

"All of these are very flashy. I don't think they will look good on me." You look a bit unsure about the clothes. 

"Don't sell yourself short. You have a great body and I know these will look great on you. I have tons more so we can try and see what you like most." Asmo compliments you without missing a beat. It's like breathing to him. 

At least you can't really argue against trying on the clothes. 

"Will these fit me?" You definitely do not have the same size as Asmo. 

"Yes, of course. I know your size so no worries there." Asmo seems very confident.

"How do you know my size?" You certainly never told Asmo. 

"I'm very good at guessing." Asmo shrugs. 

You aren't satisfied with this but say nothing else. 

You turn to the outfits that are laid out in front of you. One of them catches your eye, you hold it up. It's very flashy but it also looks very nice. 

You aren't sure if this is your style at all, yet you feel oddly drawn to it. 

"You should try it on. I bet it will look great on you." Asmo encourages you. 

You sigh softly and you take it with you to the bathroom to try it on. 

Asmo doesn't tease you for not dressing it in front of him. You appreciate it. 

It's a bit of a hassle to dress the outfit, yet it slides right on you. Like it was made for you. 

Feeling a bit nervous you step out from the bathroom.

  Asmos eyes sparkle. "Wow, this looks so great. I'm glad you decided to dress it."

He looks very happy now. 

Your cheeks flush lightly. "Thank you Asmo. It fits perfectly but are you sure that it suits me?" 

"I would never lie about style. Trust me, you look gorgeous. Let me style you and hmm maybe some makeup would be good for you too, maybe I could do your nails too. I can already see it in front of my eyes." Asmo seems very excited. 

It's impossible to turn him down. "Okay, but don't go over the top." You feel slightly nervous. 

"Don't worry about it. I will make you shine just enough to blind everyone hehe." Asmo giggles in delight. 

"That would be over the top." You feel a slight sense of dread. 

"Trust me, love you will be stunning once I'm down with you. I will be the only person to outshine you tonight for sure." Asmo pats your shoulder, to assure you that everything is going to be just fine. 

With a slight sense of fear, you surrender to Asmo and let him do as he pleases.

  You silently pray for mercy. 

Asmo is very giddy the entire time, he casually explains to you what he is doing and asks what you want him to do. He only does whatever you agree to. 

You are very grateful for this. 

Then when Asmo is done he has the biggest smile on his face. Like an artist who is proud of his finished masterpiece.

  "Hold on, before I show you your new look we have to do this properly." Asmo grins at you. 

"What do you mean?" Confused, you look towards Asmo. 

Asmo covers your eyes with his hands. "This. I won't do anything, let me just lead you over to the mirror."

You tense up a bit at his sudden touch. Something deep inside you tells you it's alright to trust him. 

So you follow his lead until he stops. 

You can feel his breath on your neck. Your heart quickens.

  Then his hands leave your eyes."Tadaa! What are you saying?" Asmo looks at your reflection. 

You can barely believe that this is you. "Amazing, I feel like a different person." You are stunned. Asmo really knows how to highlight your best features. 

"Haha, amazing isn't it?" Asmo is filled with pride. 

"Yes, thank you so much Asmo." You smile with glee. 

"Seeing you this happy makes this worth it." Asmo looks a bit sad for a moment. He then shakes his head. "Well anyway. Now it's time to glam me up. You will be stunned." Asmo goes back to his old gleeful self.

  You spend time with him dressing and doing his own makeup, hair, and nails. 

Asmo gives you some tips and you talk about the newest devildom gossip. 

Then Asmo is finally done." Am I stunning or what?" 

"Super stunning. You will put everyone else to shame." You always preach humility but you can't deny the facts. 

"Hehehe this means a ton coming from you." Asmo seems to be beaming with confidence. 

"We should get going now. Mammon said he will pick me up from my room." You just remembered that promise. 

"Don't sweat it. I will call him to come here. That way we can spend a little more time together. I gotta take a few pictures of us first." Asmo clearly has his priorities.

  Without hearing your protest, he quickly calls Mammon, who doesn't sound super thrilled but agrees to come anyway. 

After taking a few pictures together with Asmo, you hear a knock on the door.

  "Ahh! He is so fast." Asmo grumbles in slight annoyance.

You give him a light laugh and open the door. "Hey there, Mammon!" You look at his party outfit, it seems like he's also dressed up. "You are looking good."

Mammon seems speechless when he sees you. "Umm oh thank you…" 

"Aren't you going to compliment us? So rude!" Asmo teases Mammon. 

"Sh-shut up. I was going to say it." Mammon silks a little. 

You give him a kind smile. "There is no need to force yourself."

Mammon looks nervously away. "I wasn't...I just needed some time to process this. You look amazing." Mammon blushes. 

"What about me!?" Asmo butts in. 

"You look normal." Mammon doesn't want to play along, it seems. 

Asmo gasps. "Did you hear that? Unbelievable!" He seems very upset. 

"You look stunning Asmo, don't be so rude Mammon!" You shake your head. 

"Hehehe you just know what to say." Asmo is instantly better. You wonder if he just played being offended. 

"You are unbelievably using cheap tricks just to fish for compliments." Mammon sighs. 

"Well, we should get going before it's too crowded. I need some space on the dance floor." Asmo waves Mammon off.

You nod and with that, you all drive to the club.

  It's a very popular place. It's semi-crowded but Asmo has reserved space for just the three of you. 

It's very fun. Chatting, drinking, and dancing with both demons. 

You didn't expect to have this much fun. 

It's very delightful.

  You are just dancing when you suddenly spot another familiar face. 

You make your way over to him. "Satan! Are you here with your friends?" 

"Huh oh, it's you. Don't tell me you are alone here?" Satan seems happy to see you but also a bit troubled. 

"No, I'm here with Asmo and Mammon. Are you on your own?" You smile. 

"That's good to hear. These places aren't for someone like you to be on your own. " Satan sighs, slightly relieved. 

"I can defend myself." You aren't particularly worried. 

Satan looks away slightly troubled. It seems like he is about to say something. "You look great tonight. Asmos work I would bet." Satan swiftly changes the topic. 

"You are right. Hey, how about joining us?" You smile. It seems to be a great idea, the more the merrier. 

"Oh, I don't know…" Satan is about to refuse you. 

"Hey there, pretty think wanna leave this twig and come hang with me instead. I can show you a grand old time." A scummy looking demon just appears out of nowhere and hits on you. 

"No thank you." You try to hide your disgust. 

"Who are you calling a twig? You stupid scum. Scam before I forget my manners!" Somehow the demon made Satan very angry. 

"Come on mate, let me have some fun. They surely won't regret it." The demon has no clue when to stop. 

"They said no, so just buzz off." Satan only seems to get more irritated. 

"You are such a stick in the mud, let me buy that cutie a drink at least. How about it cutie?" The demon seems utterly drunk. 

"No, I'm good." You refuse politely. 

"Come on, be a bit nice to me." The demon steps a bit closer. 

Already blocked by the glaring Satan. 

"I hate to repeat myself. GET LOST OR I WILL FORGET MYSELF!" Satan yells. You can see an aura of anger building around him. 

The demon seems to finally get the message, putting its hands in the air and stepping back.

  "Satan. You are here too?! And there you are I have been looking for you." Asmo waves at both of you. 

Satan glares at Asmo. "Why the hell did you leave them alone?" Satan seems very upset. 

"What do you mean? We were just dancing. I looked away for a second and poof gone." Asmo doesn't seem to take this very seriously. 

"Calm down Satan, I'm fine. I just saw you, that's why I came over to you." You try to explain the situation in a calm manner. 

"It doesn't matter. You could have been harmed. Just look at that creepy demon that just hit on you. You could have gotten hurt." Satan's anger seems to only get worse. 

"It was fine, no harm, no foul." Asmo shakes his head. 

"You are way too careless Asmo. After everything you still pretend that this is some sort of game." Satan yells at Asmo, changing into his demon form. 

"I'm not playing a game. It was only for a moment that I lost them out of my sight." Asmo starts to glare at Satan.

"ONLY A MOMENT? YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WHAT ONE FREAKING MOMENT CAN DO!" Satan grabs Asmo, he seems so angry, so desperate. 

"Calm down nobody was hurt." Desperately you try to calm Satan down. He doesn't listen. 

"Nothing happened so just get yourself back together. I wasn't the one that let someone be killed!" Asmo states coldly.

  It makes you almost shiver. 

This statement seems to cause Satan to lose his last bit of restraint. He violently grabs on to Asmo, who also turns into his demon form. 

" You stupid f*cking Bastard," Satan says lowly, but it's even scarier than before. 

"You know it's true so just punch me if you want to." Asmo taunts Satan. 

"Please you two calm down." You still desperately try to talk sense into them. 

It's useless. "What the hell?" You hear a confused Mammon next to you. 

"They started arguing after Asmo lost sight of me when I saw Satan was here and then some demon hit on me." You explain the situation as quickly as you can. 

Mammon seems confused, but the issue in front of him has to be resolved. "Hey guys, stop it. Lucifer will be mad if you start a fight." Mammon tries to calm them down.

  "Why don't you say that to Satan? HE started this." Asmo glares at Mammon. 

"Screw you. You keep your stupid butt of this Mammon or I will get you next." Satan has lost all reason in his anger. 

"Keep it down, Satan. Don't forget that I'm stronger than you are." Mammon also seems to be annoyed now. 

"Please guys calm down. Let's go outside and take a deep breath." You desperately try them to calm down. It's frustrating. 

"You keep out of this. All of this is just happening because of you!" Satan now looks at you, anger, frustration, and some unknown emotion mixed into his glare. 

"It's not their fault you stupid idiot!" Mammon now gets more frustrated with himself. 

"Yeah what are you stupid for? Blaming someone else for your mistakes!" Asmo seems to only put oil into the fire.

  Your frustration only grows. You need them all to stop this nonsense. 

"Screw you, it wasn't my fault." Satan shakes Asmo angrily. Asmo claws Satan's arm. 

Both seem to be too angry to reason.

  You take a deep breath. "ALL OF YOU STOP!" Frustrated you yell out.

Suddenly something happens, like a shockwave hitting all of the brothers. 

They get slammed to the ground.

  You stare wide-eyed. What just happened? Something like this could only happen from a pact!?

  You look at them and at yourself in disbelief. 

You can't wrap your head around what just happened. 

The brothers stare at you in equal disbelief.

  "What the hell? The pact was broken?" Mammon seems just as lost as you are. 

You can't even hear him. Your ears ring from the shock.

  Your legs start to move and you just run outside without another word. 

You are so confused, lost.

There is only one person that might be able to give you some comfort, some answer. Just something.

[gallickingun]

pixxiesdust x kirishima || gallickingun matchups

@pixxiesdust​ : MOE THIS IS SO AMAZING!!!! Congratulations again!!! I’m so happy for you! Your writing is wonderful and you truly deserve every single follower and so many more. Before I forget, I’m gonna choose the 🌸 emoji for the matchups ^u^ Could I please get a matchup for bnha? I go by Zebra, she/her, and I’d like to be paired up with a male partner c: I love to read and write, make edits, and play the flute! I swim and enjoy eating bubble tea, ramen, and sushi. I love pastel colors, and honestly all shades of blue. alskdjf I’ve never been on a date before •//• but I think the aquarium would be fun, to get to see all the sea animals and stuff! A little about my appearance: I have dark brown hair, but when I go out in the sun, you can see streaks of red in it. My eyes are dark brown as well. I’m 5’2” (a shortie, I know haha). As for my personality, I think I’m generally pretty friendly and can get along well with others! I’m probably an ambivert that leans more toward being an extrovert. I always want to do things well and can have a bit of a competitive streak (though I try not to be mean about it.) And I think that’s it! al;ksdjf oh my gosh I think that’s a lot. Thank you so much for being willing to do these done (and feel free to do mine at the end if you’re getting a lot, I don’t mind waiting!) Love you lots, Moe!

Zeb, you have my whole entire heart! Thank you so much for participating, and thank you so very much for being a wonderful friend and helping me out with bookclub so much! And just in general being a kind, caring, encouraging person that anyone can rely one! I hope you like this 💕

― I think you and Kirishima both have a wonderful, boisterous energy that could be very complimentary! You would enjoy having a good time together, whether it’s staying in and watching tv, or heading out and doing a stroll through town.  ― Kirishima would be naturally drawn to your kind nature, and it would be easy for you two to go from friends to lovers, as naturally as breathing. Kiri needs someone who he can trust as his lifelong partner, and who better than someone he’s been able to be himself with for so long?! ― You are encouraging, and sometimes Kirishima needs that boost of confidence and reassurance. You’re always there to remind him that he’s a wonderful hero, and an amazing partner.

❁ Kirishima would love to encourage all of your interests! Even after a long day of hero duties, he’d always ask you what you’d done with your day - had you learned a new song? Had you done some digital design? Was there a new idea for a book flitting around in your head? No matter how many new things you try, Kirishima is always there to support you in whatever capacity he can. 

❁ He loves taking you on spontaneous dates. Once you’re both free for a weekend, he’ll pick you up without telling you where he’s taking you - all he’ll give you is a dress code. Warm, cold, jacket or no jacket, etc. He manages to get you tickets to the zoo, the aquarium, some sports game that you end up eating more than paying attention, and even a musical or a concert. Kirishima loves seeing the way your eyes light up when you get to your destination, and he loves the way you hug him around the neck and hold his hand so tightly for the rest of the night. 

❁ Piggy. Back. Rides. Kiri adores it when you get a little sleepy or a little agitated, because it means he can lean down and scoop you up into his arms, or nudge you onto his back. He’s so strong, and he loves it when you depend on him. It makes him feel very special, and his pride swells when you latch onto him and rest your chin on his shoulder, and his heart rolls around violently in his chest when you press a kiss to his cheek or the crown of his head or his shoulder. Kirishima especially finds it adorable when you fall asleep still clung to him like a koala bear, and he tries very hard not to jostle you too much when he finally gets you home and in bed.

❁ The two of you love to have little competitions going. Nothing serious, because you don’t want to strain your relationship, but this is something that starts out when you’re friends. Who can get to class first, who can make the best sandwich, who can win the most card games, etc. You both love the way it riles you up, getting your adrenaline going, but you can still laugh when it’s all over. The loser always has to buy dinner, but the winner buys dessert. 

❁ Because of his hero patrol duties, Kirishima knows the best hole-in-the-wall eateries. Ramen, dumplings, noodles, sushi - you name it, he knows it. Fatgum teaches him the most cost effective places, and Kirishima makes sure to take you to a new place each month. You have your favorites - the ramen shack just outside of town, the sushi joint beside the bus station - but you’re not afraid to jump out of your comfort zone. And besides, even if you hate the food, Kirishima will eat your plate clean so you don’t have to feel bad. 

You push yourself further up his back, pointing up toward the sky where there’s a monkey starting to swing around on the vines near the top of the enclosure, “Ei, look!”

Kirishima is careful not to jostle you too much, his arms wrapped firmly around your thighs, the edges of his thumbs brushing against the inner parts of your legs in the most tender way, it makes your heart melt within your chest. He chuckles, leaning into your touch as you brush your knuckles along his jawline, “I see it, babe. Pretty cool, huh? Do you want to go on the safari still?”

“Duh!” You’re a giggling mess in his ear, tucking your face into his neck as he starts the trek towards the safari bus line. With the smallest angling of your face, you’re able to kiss him on the cheek, “Thank you for bringing me here,” you murmur, just loud enough for him to hear, “I know you’re trying to cheer me up.”

“Is it working?” his lips are curled into a smirk turned smile, ruby red irises glinting in the afternoon sunlight. You kiss the corner of his mouth, the fullness of his lips barely out of reach from where you’re latched onto his back. “Of course it is, hero. Thank you.”

Kirishima readjusts you against his hips, securing his hold as he passes through the crowd, “Anything for my girl, yeah? I know this week has been kind of tough on you, and I just wanted us to get away for a day. I hope between the slurpee, the animals, and the safari, you feel at least a little bit better.”

You mock contemplation in your features, tapping your chin with your index finger, raising your brows as you look to the right of him so you don’t break your smooth expression by seeing the humor in his gaze, “I dunno. I think I might need an ice cream cone, and then we’ll see how I’m feeling.”

“Yeah?” He shakes his head, the gruff timbre of his laughter shuddering against your body, making your heart flip, “I think that can be arranged.”

Matchups Original Post | Ko-Fi | Patreon | Commissions | AO3 | Writing Tag

Please check HERE to see if I’ve done your matchup already. Remember, I will also post your matchup with the tag: “#emoji-matchup”, using your emoji in place of the word, so if you can remember your emoji, you can search my blog for that tag to see if I have completed it already!

[minigenos]

Visitor, Part 1

Part 1 (you are here) ― Part 2

Ralsei manages to find a way into the human world and spends the day with Kris.

Note: Italicized Kris is the real deal Kris. Unitalicized Kris is the player-controlled Kris.

“Kris! Wake up and get downstairs dear! You've got company!”

Toriel's voice cut through the house and into Kris' room, but it wasn't enough to wake the teen. It was the weekend and he wanted to sleep.

“Kris? Are you up yet?”

He let out a small groan of annoyance and curled up under his blankets. Let her wake up the entire town for all he cared. Kris would wake up when he was good and ready.

Which, to his own surprise, was right now.

His body jolted a couple times before launching itself out of bed. Kris quickly stood up, dumbfounded as to why he would do such a thing, and moved to the center of his room. And promptly did... absolutely nothing.

Wait a second... he thought to himself. This feels... The teen tried to move his arms, but nothing happened. The same was so with his legs.

His body felt different. But familiar.

All too familiar.

It was just like before. Kris, the real Kris, had become a spectator within his own body. Whatever took control of him on that fateful day had regained control. But how? It shouldn't have been possible, not by a long shot. He had removed his soul and...

With what little control he still had, Kris turned his head just enough to check on the birdcage where his soul should be.

But it wasn't there.

SHIT, the teen swore to himself. He had no idea who could have done such a thing or how, considering the rattling of the cage would have easily woken him up, but things were what they were right now, and he was merely along for the ride.

Until he was the one back in control.

With the real Kris having no further say over what his own body did, Kris stood still where he was for over ten minutes without moving a muscle.

If you're going to take over my body at least do something with it, he snarkily commented, hoping whatever was in control could hear him. It didn't seem to have any effect.

Great.

Just great.

He couldn't even badmouth his captor.

After another couple of minutes Kris finally turned and moved to a silver four-pointed star that sat between the cage and his bed. A light brush against it activated the save point, bringing up his personal information screen. Kris, LV 1, 00:00:00. There was no save file, and oddly enough no capacity to save. He would have liked to have known who was in control this time, but it seemed like it would stay a mystery for right now.

With saving being an impossible task, Kris closed the screen and proceeded out of his room. He made a quick trip over to Toriel's room and attempted to open the door, but to no avail. Nothing else seemed to interest the teen, so he finally made his way downstairs.

Toriel's voice carried through the living room and kitchen to where the teen stood at the bottom of the stairs.

“Were you the friend Kris had told me about? He didn't say too much, so I wasn't sure.”

Kris couldn't hear what the other person was saying. He moved closer to get a better eavesdropping vantage point.

“Oh, did you just move here then? I hadn't heard of anybody new in town; this place is pretty small after all... Ah, you're just visiting? How wonderful!”

Whomever the other person was had such a mild voice Kris still had trouble hearing them despite being nearly flush against the wall that separated the two rooms. Welp, that only left one option – he would just have to head into the living room and see who this mysterious visitor was.

Without wasting a second Kris finally made his appearance, and froze once he saw the all-too-familiar figure sitting in the chair across from his mom.

“Oh, there you are,” Toriel said. “I called for you over ten minutes ago. What were you doing up there?”

Kris rolled his eyes at his mom's comment. For a brief second the teen was glad he didn't have any control over his body right now.

“Anyways, I was having quite a nice conversation with Ralsei here. I didn't know you had made more friends.” She seemed extremely proud of that fact to the point where she almost forgot to ask how they had met. Almost.

“By the way, how did you two meet?” Toriel asked with a warm smile on her face.

There was no weaseling out of the question. Kris would have to think of something, and fast.

“Asriel's sports meet,” the teen said without batting an eye. Ralsei nodded when Toriel looked over to him, making the lie all the more believable.

“Oh, that's wonderful!” she said with a small clap of her hands. “Well, I don't want to keep you two here, especially on such a nice day, so how about this,” Toriel grabbed her purse and fished around in it until she pulled out her wallet. The monster held out a $20 bill towards Kris. “Why don't you two go into town and have lunch? My treat.”

Kris nodded and shoved the money into his pocket, bringing his riches all the way up to $22.

“I don't want to keep you two any longer than I already have,” Toriel said as she sat back down in her chair. “Just come back before curfew. I'll see you later dear.” She waved the pair goodbye as Kris guided Ralsei out and closed the door behind them.

Now that his mom was out of the way, the teen turned towards the Darkner.

“Hi again!” Ralsei said before Kris could get a word out. “Can you believe it? I'm- I'm just so excited! I can't believe I'm standing here, in the Lightner's world, right now! I know it wasn't that long ago, but...” Kris could see underneath the shadows that obscured the monster's face that he was smiling sheepishly, like a puppy awaiting praise. “...did you miss me?”

Almost immediately Kris wrapped his arms around the prince, embracing him in a hug. The response was far more than what Ralsei had expected, causing him to blush deeply.

“Really? You missed me that much?”he asked while trying his best to hold back tears. “You really are a great friend, you know that?”

With their reintroduction over, Kris finally had an opening to ask how the Darkner had managed to find a way into his world.

“It wasn't too difficult,” Ralsei replied. “Some monsters traced your steps back all the way to where you first arrived in our world, and found trace amounts of energy from the portal that brought you to us. It wasn't too difficult to reverse-engineer the portal. I was able to do most of it myself...” he trailed off, a mix of pride and embarrassment on his face.

Kris couldn't help but be impressed at the monster's feat, and said as much, which caused a huge smile to spread across the monster's face.

“Really? You think so? I'm so glad!” He paused for a few seconds before continuing. “Um, but the portal won't last too long. If you want to go somewhere we'll have to go now. I can't get stuck on this side when it closes you see. Just lead the way and I'll follow.”

Without giving too much mind as to the limitations and stipulations of Ralsei's portal, Kris led the monster south towards the diner.

“Oh heeeyyy!” Catty waved at the two as she walked up. “I, like, totally didn't know you knew anyone outside of town Kris! Your friend is totally cute!”

“Thank you very much,” Ralsei replied.

“For a second I was totally confused when they said they were looking for your house! I thought they had confused you with Asriel or something. Guess that was my bad, haha!”

She really doesn't know when to keep her mouth shut, Kris commented into the void as he watched on, powerless to say or do anything of substance.

“Anyhow, don't be such strangers!” the cat monster said as Kris and Ralsei continued onward.

Once they were far enough away the Darkner moved until he was next to the teen and walking in sync with him. “You have quite some characters here,” the monster commented with a small smile. His face seemed to be a combination of happiness, sadness, and even a tinge of nostalgia. Unable to give any sort of response, Kris continued leading the way until the pair had finally reached the diner.

To their luck, the breakfast rush had long since died down and only one other patron was seated inside. The pair quickly claimed a booth that sat against the western side of the establishment.

“Hey kid. Who's your friend here?” their waitress asked as she pulled a pen out of her apron.

“I'm just visiting,” Ralsei replied with a disarming smile.

“Heh, alright then. Do you know what you want, or do ya need more time to think it over?”

Kris didn't need much time. “One hot chocolate please, with everything on it,” he said, returning the unopened menu to the edge of the table. The waitress nodded and scribbled it down on the note pad.

“One deluxe hot cocoa,” she said before turning her attention towards Ralsei. “And you?”

“Oh that sounds good! I'll take the same!” the Darkner said in a chipper tune as he followed suit with his menu.

“Aiight, it'll be just a couple minutes then, huns,” the monster replied as she picked up the menus and walked back behind the counter.

Now that the pair had a few minutes to kill before their drinks were ready, Kris could take the opportunity to ask Ralsei some questions. The teen looked over to his friend, who had his nose and hands pressed up against the window like a five year old.

“Wow. It's so bright here.” He commented with a bit of childish wonder. “I wish I could take a little bit of this back home with me, haha.”

“Hey Ralsei,” Kris said, quickly snapping the Darkner out of his own thoughts.

“Oh? What is it?” the monster replied as he tore his eyes from the sights outside.

“How are... you?” he asked with a small pause.

“Me? I'm fine,” Ralsei answered. “Actually, I've been thinking of ways to bring monsters back into town since, well, you know. Lancer suggested we have a party to make the town look like a more desirable place to live. He even offered to help bake a cake for it.” He let out a small chuckle before continuing. “He, ah, tried to make a cake out of worms. Maybe needless to say, it didn't turn out very well.”

That last bit was pretty good, Kris had to admit.

“So the party is officially on hold until the kitchen is habitable again,” the Darkner finished with a sheepish smile.

“Here you go huns,” the waitress said as she placed Kris and Ralsei's order down in front of them. Two ceramic mugs filled to the brim with hot chocolate, with a heaping portion of whipped topping, chocolate sauce, and even small chocolate shavings on top. “Careful you two; don't burn yourselves,” she added while placing a pair of straws down on the table for them to use.

“Thank you! It smells delicious!” Ralsei beamed as he carefully dragged his mug closer.

“Thanks,” Kris added while grabbing one of the straws.

Ralsei watched Kris remove the straw from its packaging and place it inside his mug, then quickly followed suit with his own straw.

“You should really wait-” Kris' warning was quickly cut off by a small yelp of shock and pain as Ralsei learned the hard way why he should have waited a few minutes before taking the first sip.

“Oh that's hot!” the Darkner said as he held a hand to his mouth.

“I tried to warn you...” the teen said as he swirled the topping of his own drink in circles. Not surprisingly, Ralsei began to parrot his actions and slowly stirred the mug's contents as he switched between glancing outside and back to Kris.

Once their drinks had cooled down enough to actually be drinkable, Kris gulped down a sizable portion of his share as he waited for Ralsei to finish chugging what was left in his own mug. Despite his slightly scalded mouth, the Darkner had managed to down everything in one go.

“HAAH! That was delicious!” the monster exclaimed as he placed the mug back down with the softest thump possible. “I wish we had this where I live! I bet everybody would love it!”

With Ralsei somewhat sated by his drink, the teen took the opportunity to ask him one more question.

“So, why are you here?”

“What do you mean?”

“You went through all that effort to get here and act like it's no big feat just to see me?”

“Well, yeah. You were kind of the first friend I ever had. I just... couldn't say goodbye like that.” Ralsei's face flushed slightly.

Well, at least it's impossible for him to lie to me with a straight face, Kris thought to himself.

Satisfied with Ralsei's answer, Kris continued.

“What about Susie? Did you try to see if she was home?”

“Of course!” the prince replied before shaking his head slightly. “...but when I asked where she lived the monsters said she wasn't home. So I figured it was just going to be us for today.

“But that's ok! I'm having lots of fun just being here with you!” he quickly interjected before Kris could get a word in.

“Here's your check, hun,” the waitress said as she placed the slip face-down next to the teen. $5.50 for the two hot chocolates. Kris quickly made change to pay for their drinks and leave a $2.50 tip. He figured it would probably be best to leave a decent tip lest word make its way back to Toriel – this was a small town after all.

With their drinks done and paid for the pair left the diner and almost immediately turned in different directions. Ralsei, curious about the unusual mascots in front of the store next to the diner, began walking to his left when a hand quickly grabbed his shoulder.

Oh god no! Kris cursed. The last thing he wanted to do was have a run-in with Burger Pants while Ralsei was with him. Thankfully the being in control of his body seemed to think in a similar vein and gently dragged the prince all the way across the street. Well thank god for small favors, he added with a snarky roll of his eyes.

On a positive note, the pair had narrowly avoided one very embarrassing conversation. However, they were now directly in front of Sans' shop, and Kris couldn't stop the prince from going inside.

“Have you been in here before? This place looks neat!” Ralsei said as his scarf wrapped around the door handle like a human's hand. The teen had no option but to follow the monster's lead.

The inside the shop was... surprisingly spacious, with neatly-stocked shelves along every row. Kris couldn't help but feel the place was almost too big, considering how small it looked from the outside. A faint chipper and almost goofy-sounding tune was playing over the speakers, just loud enough to be heard without annoying the customers.

Kris really didn't like the tune.

“I'm gonna go look around really quick!” Ralsei said before dashing off to the opposite end of the store. He seemed to be drawn to the candy section and was quickly mesmerized by all the colorful packaging hanging from the rows of bars.

“heya kiddo,” a familiar voice said from behind the cash register. It was Sans, who was leaning back in his chair as he completed the newspaper's crossword puzzle. “wasn't expecting to see ya here so early. who's yer new friend over there?” The skeleton nudged his head towards the Darkner, who still seemed to be absorbed in the sugary oasis.

“That's Ralsei,” Kris replied. “He's a friend.”

“oh hey, that's neat,” Sans said as he finally moved to sit upright. “yaknow i was just about to take my break and come ask ya if you were ready to baby sit my little bro for me, but since it seems you're busy we'll just have to schedule it for another day.”

Even though Kris didn't have any control over his body, he could still tell that the individual in charge took Sans' words like a punch to the gut. Why was this guy's brother so damn important?

“Hey Kris, could you get me this please?” Ralsei asked, breaking up the one-sided conversation between Sans and the teen. He slapped a bag of gummy worms on the counter using his scarf like a hand again.

His pleading puppy dog eyes and smile were literally impossible to say no to.

“Yeah, sure,” Kris agreed with a small dejected sigh. He pulled out a dollar from his pocket and-

“that'll be two bucks kid.”

WHAT?! Two dollars for that small bag of candy? Sans was running a damn racket in here! Kris looked the skeleton dead in the eyes as he pulled out another dollar and handed the money over.

“thank ya kindly,” he said while lazily stowing the bills into the cash register.

As expensive as the candy might have been, the teen couldn't feel bad about it for too long. Ralsei seemed super happy to have them, excited even.

“I didn't know you had worms like these!” the prince beamed as he followed Kris to the door. “Lancer will be so excited to see this! I can't wait to show him! I wonder if I can use these instead of our worms to make a cake... hmmm...”

While Ralsei was busy with his own thoughts Kris took a moment to look back at Sans, who had reassumed his previous position of leaning back in his chair as he started on the newspaper's Sudoku. The skeleton looked up from his work for a split second to stare at the teen dead in the eyes again before returning to his work.

God I hate that shit-eating grin, Kris muttered into the void as the shop's door closed behind the pair.

[leslieeve]

Sick of Being Sick.

Just the beginning... Hi, my name is Leslie, I'm 36 years young, and l am currently living the battle of my life. I'm talking a figurative blood and guts UFC fight. Medically, emotionally, spiritually and financially I could have never imagined the intense downward spiral that my life would begin in the spring of 2014. This could have happened to anyone, but it chose me. I entered into and started living a chapter out of a Steven King novel. I'd like to preface my journey by saying that I used to work 2 waitressing jobs, 7 days a week. I prided myself on being kind, generous, a hard worker and pretty freaking witty. Sarcasm was my best friend. I had 5 cats who I loved more than anything, and lived in my house that I bought in 2002, and kept 100% by myself. I loved being crafty, scrap-booking, journalling (since I was 14- I have about 37 of them), cleaning obsessively and making people smile. I'd been accused of, "liking everybody" and, for the most part- I did! That's why I loved waitressing so much, I met amazing individuals on a daily basis, and for an hour or so, I was able to make them happy. So, summing this up, I'm one of those annoying 'smiley' people, and I love it... How to begin blogging a nightmare... Well, It all started on May 5, 2014, my sweet bunny was losing his battle to pancreatitis, and we were at the veterinarians office. I was laying around him on the floor, sobbing like an infant as he took his last breath. After a half hour, I got up off of the floor to move to another room with him, and noticed the ridiculous pain and swelling in my knees. I sat with him for 3 additional hours, saying prayers and telling him how much I love him. My heart was broken and now I was facing headache and flu-like symptoms. By the time I drove home, I was incredibly sick. (I really mastered the art of 'puking while driving' starting that night.) For the next few MONTHS I had a constant fever of 104, night-sweats, fatigue, exhaustion, swollen hot shiny red joints, nausea, chills, vision problems, breathing difficulties, dizziness etc. Being my Father's daughter, and having been raised as a fighter- I was still trying my very, very best to continue to work an overflowing schedule. I was a head waitress at both jobs and I was failing miserably. I wasn't eating because my mouth had a funny taste, I had zero appetite and the fatigue was unreal. Coca-Cola had become my litmus paper, as to how sick I was everyday. I would buy bottled Coke, and by sipping it and seeing what it tasted like 'that day'- I could gauge the severity of my illness for the next few hours. I was not bathing, or even taking my clothing off when I was home. I would just sleep in my uniforms (shoes and all) until it was time for work the following day. My knees had become so swollen that I had to cut my pants on the sides to make more room. Breathing was getting tougher too. I would find myself having to stop and force myself to take deep breaths. If I exerted myself too much I would end up laying on a booth, numb, shaking and drooling, with incredible difficulties trying to get verticle. If I took the risk and showered, I had to set aside 60 minutes to lay naked on the bathroom floor because I was 100% drained. Again, drooling, slurring and borderline consciousness. What was happening to me?!!? F.Y.I. puh-lease don't think I wasn't going to the doctor during all of this terror, because I was. A lot. A looot. My Dad was making my appointments and driving me weekly, all while he was watching me slowly die. Just waste away. (His car now sporting a smooth "vomit" scent, thanks to me.) The doctor was putting me on antibiotics one day and anti-inflammatories and steroids the next, unfortunately I was only getting worse. The fever continued to hang around and some nights would hit 104.6. All of the vomiting was ruining my throat, my knees were so swollen and hot to the touch, that they could melt bags of ice- in minutes. With those 2 symptoms and a blood test, he diagnosed me with Rheumatoid arthritis immune disease. From that point forward it appeared that ALL of my symptoms were from RAID. It was as if the doctor stopped looking for the root of my demise, because he found one. Maybe he was scared too, but so was I damn it and my health was deteriorating at the speed of McDonalds drive-thru during lunch-time. One evening in early October, I honestly thought it may be the end for me. I woke coughing up blood, and felt as if every inch of my body had giving up, I was out of gas, and barely running on fumes. Out of pure desperation and necessity, I went to an Emergi-Care center in Bethlehem. (First, I left a note behind on who would take my cats, incase I would never return home.) The doctor was very blunt (a.k.a. a$shol*) and as he talked AT me, he said he thought I was unbelievably sick, and that he thought that I would surely die if I left the building. Then he scolded me for getting sooo ill, and then decided that he couldn't treat me, because I had "chosen" to wait too long to see him (a man I'd never met before). I was seeing a physician, but it hadn't been him and he was clearly annoyed and disgusted with me. He reluctantly did a flu swab of my nose (that he said I didn't need, because it wasn't the flu virus) which came back negative. So then his majesty stepped off of his high-horse long enough to put me on the antibiotics which combat Anthrax, and that was that. What? Anthrax? Because I was exposed when I was never in the military? What an incredible mind fu*k, and 3 hours that I will never get back. I rate his bedside manner a big fat zero. So, I went home, spooned with my Eddie cat, and cried myself to sleep- which didn't take long because I was dehydrated and falling apart. Needless to say, I continued to get sicker. I'm 5'10" and was barely weighing 95lbs. My once tan skin had morphed into a light yellow hue, my lips were red, but now were cracking, peeling and gray. My eyes had always been green and bright, framed in mascara, however they'd become blurry, wet and had large dark bags underneath. I constantly smelled mold in my nose. At this point I had been suffering for almost 5 months with these horrendous symptoms. Alone in my house, afraid that each nap had become a gamble that I would lose, and not wake up. Russian roulette immune disease style. My Dad had simply had enough. He was not going to sit by and bury his best friend- he was putting his foot down NOW. He took me to the doctor yet another time. However, this time, he put aside his gentle, humorous demeanor and told the doctor in no uncertain terms that he was watching his daughter die and that if he didn't do something else to help me, he would call his attorney and sue him for malpractice. Shockingly enough (insert sarcasm here), the doctor suddenly had a fire lit under his ass and ordered me an emergency appointment with a highly respected rheumatologist. She normally has a 3 month wait, but not for this sicky- It was Friday, and the appointment was for Monday. Just one question though... how on earth was I going to survive the weekend?! Woke up early Monday and crawled to my front door. I slept on the floor, vomiting relentlessly, all weekend because I couldn't muster up the energy to walk. My superhero Dad then had to basically carry me to his car. Once buckled in I proceeded to vomit and cry because I was too weak to sit up. Thankfully my Dad tried his best to stock the car with pillows, blankets, water, crackers and plastic bags so it took the edge off of sitting in traffic. Every car ride seemed hours long, I couldn't wait get back in bed or atleast lay on the floor. We arrived at the new doctors around 11am, she dressed very unprofessionally, tight work out spandex. Da fuq? She took one look at me and said that I was incredibly sick. No sh*t sherlock. While listening to my heart, she asked "how long have you had this heart murmur?" I told her that I don't have one and never did. She put the stethoscope to my ears- I had a f*cking heart murmur?? Immediately, sent me for a plethora of blood work and cultures, 16 I think, which drained me severly. I had almost passed out when my Dad showed up with O.J. and muffins- to save the day. Again, he carried me out to the car and took me home. He tucked me in, and I slept for 20 straight hours. I didn't get up to eat or even use the toilet. The following morning I felt better than I had in a very long time. Maybe some of the useless medications were finally starting to kick-in. I took a chance, (a.k.a. stubborn) and drove myself to my psychologists office for my 2:00pm appointment. We were about half-way into my mind enlightening session when my phone rings. Then again. Then again. So, I looked at my therapist with lump in my throat and picked up my phone. 3 missed calls from my family doctor. Then my phone rings and it's him again. I answer and it's my doctor, he says that I have a horrible infection in my blood and that I need to drop everything and RACE to the hospital. He said to run red lights go through stop signs, speed and if I get pulled over- keep going and the hospital would explain it to the police. After a quick "ohmyGod" and freak out, my psychologist hugged me and I promised to go directly to the ER. So, I did what anyone else would do, I went home and I fed my 5 cats. What the heck was I thinking you ask? Well, I figured that I would only be in the hospital a day or two and that if I fed them and cleaned their litter boxes then no one would have to come care for them while I was in the hospital. Plus, I really needed a hug from my Eddie-cat. As anyone who knows me will vouch and say that I might be just a little bit obsessed with my pets. Haha. Especially Eddie-cat, I worried about that feline like nobody's business. I got my much desired cat-fix, and then shortly after, I got in my car and headed towards the hospital. (I may have also stopped for a Coke- my memory's a touch foggy... I totally did.) As soon as I got there my dad was already waiting for me. (#bestdadever) I could see the pain and fear in his eyes and it truly broke my heart. We ended up waiting 2 hours in the dirtiest emergency room. We killed time laughing and joking until they finally called my name. (Kind of ironic since they told me to race to the hospital, but anyhow.) Dun dun dun. The nurse put me in a bed in the emergency department and hooked me up to IV saline and antibiotics. Dad and I watched bad tv, until they took me upstairs and gave me a room alone, in infectious disease. I was fairly relaxed, happy to finally end this era of illness, when the nurse came in to ask how I felt about my upcoming open heart surgery. MY WHAT?! No, no, no I told her, I was in for a blood infection. Silly nurse, get your mind right. She said the doctor would be in to speak to me momentarily. Ten minutes or so passed, and my Dad walked into my hospital room. Yeah! All is good, my Daddy is here... and then the doctor walked in behind him. Ugh oh. This nightmare is suddenly very real again. My Dad, looked more handsome than ever. His blue eyes had been crying as he walked over and took my hand. The doctor stood on my other side and explained to me that I had an infection in my blood and that it had destroyed the mitral valve in my heart. He said that the next day, I would be transferred to a larger hospital and would spend 2 months there on intense IV antibiotics before I would have to have open heart surgery to replace my mitral valve. I went into shock. Open heart surgery?!? They're going to break my chest?? But I don't have heart problems!!! I just have a blood infection!!! I'm only 33 years old!!! I want Eddie cat! My dad and I hugged and cried for the next 2 hours. I finally sent him home around 10:00pm to get some sleep. Loneliness and pure terror set in fast and I couldn't bare to be away from him, so I called on the phone and we talked all night. The following morning, as promised, the doctors and nurses packed me up in an ambulance and I was transported to a much larger hospital. Once I arrived I was quickly set up into "infectious disease." Heavy antibiotics were a-flowing. Every inch of the place was an upgrade. Once I was left alone, my thoughts flooded my mind. I tried to start figuring out how I was going to survive this travesty, pay my bills and most importantly- who was going to help take care of my five cats??? Fu*k. Fu*k. Fu*k. The doctors tell me that they are not certain how I contracted this infection. I hadn't been out of the country, nor had I undergone any dental surgery which could have welcomed the bacteria. Well that's zero help. Endocarditis. My possible kryptonite... The next few days I mentally took a bubble bath in my shock. I was trying to wrap my mind around spending the next 2 months in the hospital BEFORE undergoing open heart surgery. I became introverted, not wanting to Facebook my drama, or even text friends. I felt a strange numbness take over me, and honestly decided that I would make the best of it. I had multiple medical procedures and I did my very best to make the doctors laugh and tell them about my cats, of course. Looking back, I was nervous as all hell. I even neglected to press charges on a customer from my old job who consistently showed up UNINVITED into my hospital room. Stalker much? The hospital ended up having to put a password on my room, before all deliveries, calls and visitors were allowed in. Not to be all, "poor me" but seriously dude, just sooo not the time for a creepy creeperson. On the bright side, my mother who hadn't contacted me in over a year at this point, did text me twice- to ask if the doctors were giving me enough antibiotics. (She's no doctor, so her "medical concern" was hilarious) I had to fight the urge to sarcastically reply, "Antibiotics? Good idea! Thank Gawd you texted me when you did, the doctors hadn't thought of that!" But, I was sweet as a blueberry muffin. By the way, those were the first and last two texts that I heard from her. (Now, 3 years later she has never even once contacted me. Not. One. Single. Time.) Ahh, a mother's love. Ha. Friday, October 31st- Another day, another dollar. Ha, juuust kidding, it's another day full of tests and procedures. I was taken upstairs for an internal ultrasound/view of my heart. Basically, they knock you out and gently push a scope down your throat. This technique gets them extremely close to your heart for an excellent read in cardiac patients. So, after my test was done they woke me up... ohemgee, what medicine did they give me?! I saw a giant dippy egg with bacon, a 5 foot tall cat, a cow standing on its hind legs and a MINION. This. Was. Amazing. I later learned, as the anestethics wore off, It. Was. Also. Halloween. doh. 4 days into my stay at the hotel, I mean hospital, it was getting harder and harder to breathe (Maroon5?). It felt as though I had a gorilla sitting on my chest. I would get spells where it became so difficult to inhale, the nurses would come rushing in my room, rip my gown off, hook me up to oxygen and inject my IV with morphine until I could take a deep breath. I apologize to any and all of my visitors who showed up at the wrong time- and had to witness this. Sorry? You're welcome? (I now know, I was having a difficult time breathing because I was internally bleeding. Shame on you.) It was Saturday, November 1st around 7pm and I was watching Despicable Me for the +/-30th time. Hey- a free cable movie channel is a free movie channel, no matter the circumstance. Not only that, but Minions were making me unbelievably happy. My friends will vouch for me, I never even liked cartoons. (Well, except for Nickelodeon cartoons. #TommyPickles.) Perhaps it was providing a 90 minute escape for me, maybe it was appealing to the crying little girl inside of me- I don't know, but it helped fill a void, and I'm still grateful for Gru. Anyhow, while I was embracing the yellow and eating gummy bears (Albanese- my Dad ordered specially from Indiana) my future heart surgeon popped his angelic head in. I offered him gummy bears- even the red ones; he said that it looked like I was right on track as much as I could be and to just relax and they would take care of me at the hospital. He said to get comfortable because I would be there 8 weeks before the surgery. So around 10 weeks total. Well, ok,*sighs* it could be worse, it sounds like I can, "simmer dawn naw." WRONG. Five minutes pass and my surgeon comes back. He said that he checked my latest blood levels and my oxygen was far too low, I would reqire surgery in the next 12 hours or be dead before Thanksgiving. I felt all of the blood rush out of my upper body. Next, a cardiac nurse came into my room and gave me the choice of a Pig Valve or a Mechanical Valve, to be implanted into my heart to relace the damaged Mitral Valve. (Being vegeterian at the time, I thought this was incredible irony.) She weighed out the pros and cons for me as to which valve to choose. All I really remember hearing was that the Pig Valve had to be replaced every 10 years, and being so young that would demand atleast 5 more open heart surgeries in my lifetime. So, I thought it was a simple choice. Mechanical valve = forever vs. 10 year Pig Valve: I went for the mechanical valve. Then I had to do something much harder, call my Dad. It was incredibly difficult to dial my Dads telephone number. I knew that I was about to ruin any type of peace he was able to salvage for the evening, he would soon be as devestated as me, this still felt surreal. I felt selfish and heart broken having this kind of power over my fathers emotions. He answered on the first ring, as usual. My being so immensly ill had really been taking it's toll on him, emotionally, physically and spiritually. His little girl being so sick, and he could do nothing to fix me. Little did he know, HE was the reason that I wanted to be fixed. I cared more about him having to deal with my death, than I did my own life. There was no way in hell that I was going to let my Dad bury me. I would NEVER be responsible for putting him through that pain. Back to the phone call, my Dad answered cheerfully (for my benefit of course) and asked how I was feeling. I would say that, that is the very moment when my tears started falling, I couldnt catch my breath, but finally slobbered out that the heart surgeon had just been in my room and that I would be having surgery at 7:00am. I could hear him choking back the tears as he told me that this would get me home to Eddie-Cat faster. My Dad, always the optimist, and I stayed on the phone for the next 6 hours. We cried, talked about old times, (I also crammed food down my throat until midnight) and finally we decided that I was going to get through this. It cant be my "time." One tiny detail that I failed to mention before was that I was given a 37% chance of surviving. I sat alone in my hospital bed and wrote goodbye letters to my friends and a few chosen family members. Was I really doing this? Possibly saying GOODBYE to my life? Was I going to be dead in just a few short hours? It upset me that I might never see Eddie cat again. Who would explain to him that I didnt leave him by choice? That I died because of an infection. That I was so so sorry, and that I tried my best. All 5 of my cats, nobody was ever going to love them like me. I couldnt entertain the thought of losing my kids- I made a vow to save them forever when they were rescued, and now I was disappearing from their lives forever. This was all too much. I was sick to my stomach as I stared at the clock, counting down the seconds until my Dad, twin brother and friend were scheduled to arrive. Sadly, my twin brother never showed up. He never even called to wish me luck and it absolutely shattered my heart into a million pieces. I wanted to see my womb-mate so badly. I knew that we were no longer close but my soul really ached to be hugged with his arms. It really destroyed my feelings, but I did not have the time to dwell on it- it was 5:00am I had to start getting scrubbed down for surgery. I still felt fairly numb, more worried about seeming alright to try and ease my Dads horror. I was nervously joking around and begging the nurses for morsels of food. Then the dark cloud came. It was time. TIME FOR OPEN HEART SURGERY. Two nurses from transport and a doctor wheeled me down to the surgery floor, my Dad was walking next to me- I refused to let go of his hand. I was wheeled into a very well lit, curtained, waiting area. The operating room was empty. It was just myself and all of the nurses and doctors, no other patients. I later learned that Sunday mornings are reserved for emergencies. Look at me V.I.P. well, they made me feel that way anyhow. The nurses were exceptional- as they had been so far my entire stay. I was really blessed with the most amazing care. I mean, up until this point I would beg to estimate that the nursing staff had spent around 8 hours listening to me ramble on about my cats. I was a few minutes away from open heart surgery and I was getting make-up tips from one of the surgical nurses... well until the surgeon had to spoil my ignorance and walk in. He said they were ready for me and it would only be 2 or 3 minutes longer. Boom. That's when I turned into a two year old who needed her Daddy. He couldnt hold back his tears, and nor could I. I was wailing uncontrollably, telling my Dad how much I loved him. The fear was real. Very real. Almost indescribable to have to face the possibility of DEATH. This could be the very last time that I ever see my Dad. I was going into this obscenely serious surgery with horrendous odds. Who was I to think that I would survive fate? I had all but pulled my Dad into my hospital bed at this point. I just couldnt say goodbye. I wanted him to just hold me and make it all go away. But it was time. I held my Dads hands one last time and as they wheeled me down the hall, I yelled to him that I loved him and would see him soon. I secretly prayed that the next time he saw me, he would not be looking down at me, dead on a cold, steel table. I was given a sedative, and apparently it worked because shortly after I found myself complimenting everyone on "how nice they were," next I told my surgeon, "Don't let me die, I have my Dad and cus' nobody wants 5 cats." My doctors and all of the nurses did their very best to try and reassure me that I would wake up. A clear rubber mask was placed over my nose/mouth and I started slowly counting back from 100 (trying to enjoy the drug induced high and fight the anesthetics at the same time), and for the next 8 hours, my life was resting solely in the hands of this "Dream Team" surgical team. As you may have guessed already, I SURVIVED! It turned out that my heart was in much worse shape than previously expected, so not only did they have to replace my mitral valve but my aortic valve was covered in vegetation and needed to be scraped off. The doctor said that after seeing my heart, I would not have lived 2 more weeks without this procedure. I'm pretty fuzzy as to the timeline for the next few events. I recall waking up in a very bright room with lots of doctors around me. It was horrifying because the breathing tube was still down my throat, yet I felt like I was suffocating. In a complete panic I was trying to talk with my eyes, and scream to the nurses, "I can't breath!!" They must have read my mind because next thing I know, the nurse is leaning over my face telling me to relax. She said that the equiptment was breathing for me and that I just had to- annnnnnnnd I passed out. I woke up again, I guesstimate about 5 hours later. I was in a different room this time. It had a tiny little observation deck in it for a nurse to sit and, well, observe. I'm still with a breathing tube, but I'm a bit calmer this time. I can see all of the tubes coming out of my stomach, and I can see my chest raise up and down- with zero assistance from me. I didn't feel well. I was sick to my stomach and frightened. I was aware that my health was improving dramatically, but being alone and awake with my thoughts was extremely sad. The nurse came in to check my vitals, fluid loss, urine out-put etc. and realized that my body temperature was low. Especically for someone who just had major surgery. So, she covered me in what I remember to look like a space blanket. You know, those thin silver on one side, blue on the other ones? Think back to space field trips. Anyhow, it didn't take long until I was exceptionally warm. Then I began to sweat, next was the anxiety. I felt like I was cooking alive under this blanket, but nobody was around to tell. Even if they were, I had a breathing tube down my throat and was unable to speak properly. Fifteen minutes passed- no nurse. Tears were just continuously rolling down the side of my face. Thirty minutes passed- no nurse, it was beginning to feel like an eternity. At forty minutes I passed out for a few minutes and I woke up to the nurses taking the blanket off of me. Thank you Jesus! Praise The Lord! Once I cooled off, that was it for me it was lights out until the next morning. Rise and shine! No rest for the weary. The beautiful nurses had me up bright and early to remove my breathing tube. Hallelujah. Although I will admit it was not that easy to take my first unassisted breath, but I did it and in no time I was back to inhaling and exhaling with my own free will. Ill hold my breath if I want to damn it! A parade of white coats for the next 2 hours. I was avoiding looking at the 6 1/2 inch scar down the center of my chest. (and the scar from the pacemaker) I was still uneasy knowing that they had to break my sternum and WIRE it back together. After a brief unscheduled siesta, a young red haired man entered my room. He explained that he was there to remove my chest tubes and I basically told him that I accepted his challenge. Are you joking? Long, bumpy, blue, rubber tubes are INSIDE of my body and he's here to "pull them out?!" Insert gag and vomit here. Nope. Nope. Nope. Clearly he had dealt with trouble makers like me before, because his sweet talking game was on point. He said he would remove both tubes at once, and I would feel minimal discomfort. Ok, Prince Harry, let's go. He started by counting me down from 3. Try #1: 3...2... and I would interject, "No no no no no nope no no no no." Try #2 : 3...2... "No, no, nope, no thats enough no no no." After a pretty serious pep talk involving either living with the tubes forever VS. dealing with 3 seconds of slip and slide- I took a few deep breaths and decided this was gonna happen. Ok, this was it... Try #3: 3...2...1... and this freckled God pulled the tubes from my abdomen and quickly plugged the holes up with gauze to stop my bleeding. It felt exactly like you would imagine. As if he had gripped up my large intestine, and just pulled! I felt no pain, but it was the creepiest sensation having the bumps from the 2 feet of rubber being yanked inch by inch through your insides. Bucket list: Check! They really dont waste any time at the hospital. It was only the day after surgery, or the next day,(again still foggy) and the nurses were getting ready to have me sit up out of bed, in a chair. This sounded like a miserable suggestion. I verbally detested as much as possible, claiming that I felt sick to my belly and especially light headed. I was quickly assured that both symptoms were normal, but that I had nothing in my stomach to throw up. As she and the tech were trying not to pull IV's out of my arms and neck, I told them again that I was going to throw up. It really was like IV Jenga. Move this, not that, move this wire, not that etc. I was seated upright! My chest burned like nobodys business and woops, I made good on my promise to vomit. Note to all readers, If you ever have open heart surgery- DO NOT VOMIT! The pain in my sternum was enough to make me vomit again. Ugh. Part of me felt accomplished. I mean I HAD told them that I wanted to puke.. nobody listened.. hehe. Leslie- 1. It's the small victories. On a quest to still discover where this deadly infection originated, the doctors had me scheduled to be transported to an oral surgeon 3 days after surgery. Doped up just the right amount to deal with the situation, I was moved from the ambulance stretcher to the dentists chair. In no time at all, I was prepped to have my tooth removed and examined to see if this little bastard was the cause of my saga. Unfortunately, the tooth was fine and was not the root of my illness. Then, on the way back I tried to bribe the ambulance drivers to stop for donuts. Fail. **constant edits and updates being made, my story is far from over.. Please check back often, like it's your horoscope**

[thewhimsicalfairy]

DAY 0 - a chronological documentation of this non-relationship

right from the start, i told myself, i told everyone who would listen/knew that i was just not gonna take this too seriously...

as with all online dates, they have a tendency to drop off or i have a tendency to lose interest very quickly but somehow you stuck around, yet i still refused to entertain the idea that there might be something...

2 May: we connected on CMB, you were very open about your history which i listened with an open mind and appreciated you for being open and honest about it...

we traded numbers since the chat was closing and then continued chatting from there...

22 May: met up ftf for the first time at Oasia Hotel's Marmalade Pantry, someone was in grey tee (knitted i believe) and camou pants haha the convo flowed and all but still it was just like any other first dates i've been on, always keeping my expectations in check... you surprised me with sandwich choices though, promising to bring me a jar of the infamous peanut butter from Amsterdam (from your upcoming work trip) and proceeding to hand me a box of 2 nicely wrapped sandwiches, one creamy and one non-creamy version, both with the crusts off. it showed me you were meticulous and caring...just noting your good qualities... before we parted ways you asked if we could be in touch...i said sure being the cool girl that i am...

1 June: we continued texting non-stop, rapid-fire style, playing 20 questions...asking all the right and wrong questions...we’d already escalated to sexting by then...and then you left for Amsterdam. truth be told i had this crazy urge to run to your office area to bid you farewell prior to you leaving for your trip...like give you a hug or something...but i reined in that crazy bitch. we continued texting all the way till you boarded your plane and then you asked me to send you my picture. i've received such crazy requests before and i was kinda wary but i took some anyhow (ok more like a lot) and then proceeded to ponder whether to send or not for the next 50min or so...as well as ask the Internet gods 'what does it mean when he asks for a photo' (to varying degrees of responses) you even noticed my absence when i was busy taking photos but i sent 1 in the end after i confirmed that u were not gonna be doing anything funny to it (not sure if i’m supposed to be flattered if anyone wanks off to my photo but anyway)

and then you sent me yours just like that (and it is still my favourite photo of you to date haha)...and promised to text the moment you land and all...you were very responsible with your words then...

1-7 June: you were in Amsterdam for work but it was as if i was just right beside you on this same trip cos the texting never let up despite the time difference. you would send me pictures of everything that you were doing, eating, ootds, everything and there was no stopping the conversations... and still you reeled me in...

13 June: we met up for a 2nd time, this time at Pagi Sore (100am) and depsite constant texting, it felt a little awks nonetheless to be meeting ftf after so long so everyone was still kinda on our best behaviour haha (but i'm always well behaved) and you presented me with the gifts you got for me at Amsterdam (the peanut butter as promised) and fancy chocolates that you picked up at the airport. confirmed mentally that gift giving was defo one of your top love language. and still you reeled me in...

and we texted some more, non-stop, impromptu lunches in between and i'd happily skip out of office just to hang out ditching the girls (resulting in the girls just saying how about i let them know when i would be next joining them for lunch =x)

20 June: dinner and drinks at Westin's Cook & Brew...this was kinda like the night you will provide a tell-all on your past relationships - and tell you did (a terribly colourful dating history if i may add) and the night went on... we continued on with more drinks at the outdoor bar area...normally it would've been a good idea but that night it was terribly windy and i was kinda chilly despite the alcohol warming me up so i was glad to have my jacket with me (the same one i wore to our first date you noted). and then it started to rain and we had to move back indoors but we didn't attempt to leave even though i was already feeling buzzed... not before long the bar had to close so i had to down my wine in a quick shot and we left...and took a roundabout walk to around the area on a bench and talked some more we both agreed the night would have carried on if not for the fact that tomorrow was still a working day... the question of what we were looking for came up (i asked this question first) and you said you were just looking around... we got home on separate taxis and i made a mental note of your response and that you hadn't made a move on me yet so i was relatively clear on where i stood on this (meh's advice, especially after watching 'He's Just Not That Into You') - you were basically not interested hah so i managed my expectations and thought well a least it has been interesting...when we got home...you did text to say you did notice my choice of outfit (my all time favourite slip dress really)...pity you didn’t manage to take a good look at the cowl back...

29 June: you finally asked me out on a weekend...actually i did casually mention to you that my mom was wondering why this guy i was seeing never asks me out on weekends...and if he’s got a family and all that’s why weekends are off-limits...(a mother’s intuition can be so spot-on but clearly it’s way more complicated than that...anyhow...) and i was ecstatic to say the least even if it was a date that was made that same day...tbh i was inclined to decline cos i don’t really do impromptu dates in general...(like please respect a girl’s time even if i don’t actually have solid plans...vegging at home and netflixing is kinda like a plan ok...)but i okayed it and just had to check what was the general plan cos a girl’s gotta dress for it you know...you brought me to the Ford Musuem having known that i am a sucker for museums covering the history of the war...even though you actually only went recently but you still accompanied me through it...it was also then you realised that i don’t carry my IC with me cos entry was free for SGreans...truth be told i have been to the Ford Musuem...but that was a few years back and i didn’t quite mind rehashing the place again (FOC why not right) they might have updated the exhibits and the experience would have been different with you...and rightly so cos there was so many times when you had your back towards me i wanted to give you a back hug...that you liked receiving them came up several times while we texting...but i never acted on it haha cos i didn’t want to seem i was throwing myself at you...a girl’s gotta to keep her pride in check you know...

after Ford you drove us to Punggol area just to show me the nice relaxing eating space...but we didn’t actually have dinner there lol...we moved on to Punggol Settlement to dine at White Restaurant...the only place you will eat bee hoon cos that placed is famous for it and with good reason cos the food is genuinely good...we had quite the spread, other than the bee hoon we had prawn paste chicken and sambal kang kong :))) happy camper that night cos i appreciate a good meal...i paid for dinner since you were so sweet to drive us around that was least i could do...back in the car you asked if i needed to head home...but i was up for anything...so you suggested a drive and asked if i had been to Jewel since it opened and i hadn’t so we ended up there...

and we continued texting...

1 July: we met for lunch at the Nasi Lemak place opposite Realty Centre (which has since died) and post-lunch i was saying how i was concerned that my hair would smell and all (cos indoor seating with the food cooking inside doesn't make for a great combination) and you reached out and smelt my hair...that was the single most intimate move that i'd ever received and then before we parted you pulled me into a hug and i just went for it... like i didn't do the a-hug or half hug kind of bullshit but a full on body to body contact hug...and it felt nice...i think my mind kinda stopped processing whilst we were hugging but yeah i really really liked the smell of your cologne since then another fact: i was so turned on from that hug my panties were basically soaked; i had to wear my dress the wrong way round so that it wouldn't look like i stained myself... you had that kind of an effect on me...and i think my walls came tumbling down...

4 July: dinner at a Suntec's Unagi place (your choice since we didn't want to deal with the queue at Man Man) and apparently you took off early that night to pick up your car... someone wanted to drive us to some place nice after... i saw that there was 1-for-1 happy hour on the highball and you okayed it even though you were driving

you drove us Marina Barrage and there you said that you liked me and wrapped me in your arms when you said it and i was in a complete daze i mean i was aware that there was something brewing but i wasn't sure of the signs and i've been very wary about 自作多情 so i just maintained whatever it was we had and then this confession...you said i clearly liked you otherwise i wouldn't be hanging out with you which was true and then you asked what was it that i liked about you as you wrapped me in your arms again and i was genuinely at a loss for words...i've received confessions before but never one where it was clearly mutual and in such an intimate setting...the wordsmith basically decided to quit on me and i struggled to find the right words i settled for ‘you make me feel safe’ and that was the absolute truth...i never doubted your intentions before as you were always so honest and forthcoming with the situation back at home and even when you said you couldn’t make this official not until your divorce is finalised in Dec...when in reality not many people around you know about us i accepted it...i trusted you completely... and you took your hand in mine and it was the interlocking kind...and my heart felt all kinds of things it has never felt before... another fact: again super turned on by the hug we shared, panties were soaking wet again but thank god for panty liners otherwise it'll be a different walk of shame for me... i really liked it when you placed your hand on my bum (it felt good somehow), and i definitely felt a boner somewhere...

5 July: dinner and movie (...) i was kinda sad when the night ended, i didn't want it to end cos i always enjoyed our time together, there wasn't enough time anyhow and i gave you a peck on the cheek cos that was all i could muster at that point before we parted...

(...to be continued...)

basically once the touch barrier was broken, i wanted to touch you so badly all the time. literally ALL.THE.TIME. even if it was just stolen moments at Donki i gave you backhugs and random kisses and hand holding...i couldn't get enough... i confirmed one of my top love languages was touch and i wanted to communicate that thoroughly...you meant that much to me...

x x x

and as much as you are wont to admit it, i was defo a rebound, all the signs pointed to it and and it still tears me up inside i basically became collateral damage as you tried to seek solace from the pain... the Heartbreak Spotify Playlist is definitely not helping my case but it’s like beating a dead horse right...you just keep going at it until you’re numb i suppose...but i had no idea how i could relate so much to these songs till now it’s pretty crazy...some favourite tracks that can set me off right now are: Camila Cabelo’s Consequences X Ambassadors’ Unsteady Birdy’s Skinny Love

[pandatypewriter]

B.A.P Le Noir AU Chapter 10 (Jongup): A New Game

Sorry this took so long! I was suppose to post this some time at noon, but then I went out to LA soooo yeah haha XD The request half of this weekend will be posted tomorrow so be sure to check that out too!

“I hate this…” The detective groaned piling the Emperor Dragon’s case files into a large box. The elder detective let out a snort, patting the younger on the back. “It’s a gang case, why the hell would the higher ups need to be involved?”

“Get used to it kid, once the chief mentioned special agents I knew this case was going to be swept away from us,” The elder sighed, placing the last case file in the box and leaning back to adjust his back. A nice pop released. “And speaking of the devils…” The detective sneered seeing two special agents enter the precinct.

“Jackson take the boxes back to headquarters.” Special Agent Im nodded towards the boxes the detective laid out. Special Agent Wang looked at his leader with pleading eyes.

“Jaebum, those boxes probably weigh a ton and you want me to carry them by myself?” Jackson came over to the boxes and mocked carried them, dramatically emphasizing how heavy they are.

“Of course, you’re the strongest of the group so that’s why I specifically called you for help.” Jaebum smirked seeing how the boy’s eyes lit up at his words. It was easy to persuade Jackson for help.

“Well why didn’t you say that before? Of course! It makes total sense why you didn’t call the others now.” Jackson beamed with pride at his strength as he carried both boxes without any worry or sweat. Jaebum let out a snort of amusement at his teammate’s innocence.

“I would like to thank you all for you cooperation.” Jaebum flashed the detectives a trained polite smile. He was taught to be local law enforcement plus a small part of him was nostalgic, remembering he was like the two detectives at one point in his life.

“More like forced cooperation.” The younger detective sneered, earning him a smack on the back of the head by the elder detective.

“Sorry about this punk. He doesn’t know when to shut his mouth sometimes.” The elder sighed, only causing Jaebum to flash them a genuine smile.

“It’s fine. I can see where he’s coming from.” Jaebum couldn’t help remember when he was just like that young detective. Young, dumb, and short-tempered as hell.

“This is it?” Jaebum raised a brow as Special Agent Tuan handed him a file.

“Yep, we sifted through all the gun deals, murders, and human trafficking files, but this was the only one that we found about the informants.” Mark noted as he began filing the documents away into a digital database.

Jaebum took the thin file from him, scanning through it’s contents briefly. Pieces to a larger puzzle. Information on possible informants embedded in rival gangs reporting on activity...but not to the Emperor Dragons. Jaebum chewed on his bottom lip, analyzing the file’s contents. It seems that the Emperor Dragons weren’t too happy that their ‘partners’ were keeping tabs on them. The INF. This unknown being that seemed to have all the cards in their hand, all the chess pieces, while the cops were playing blind. It wasn’t too surprising that the INF would embed spies throughout the criminal world, after all the goal of the organization seems to be ultimate control.

“It seems like the Emperor Dragon’s were collecting their own data…” Marked handed Jaebum another file dictating information on informants that the Emperor Dragons were able to pick out.

“We’ll keep this under wraps, we don’t want to let INF know we’re on to them…” Jaebum chewed his lower lip as he continued to reading this file. “It seems like the Emperor Dragons were frequenting this club lately...Le Noir?” A small smirk spread on his face. “Let’s see what caught their attention so much.”

You let out a slight sigh as you mindlessly wandered the city streets. It was strange not being busy, not being surrounded by the familiar scent of nicotine and booze. You didn’t know how long it had been since you last step foot in Le Noir. Time seemed to being going so slow during times of peace. It was unsettling. You were too used to the chaos, the excitement, that peace seemed so mundane. You scoffed at your own thoughts. You were starting to sound like Jongup. Quite terrifying.

This was the at least the third night you simply wandered the streets, allowing your feet to lead you everywhere and nowhere. They always seemed to lead you to one place. Under the bright fluorescent sign of Le Noir. But you would never enter. It wasn’t as if you were scared or traumatized to enter your home, but you weren’t ready just yet. You needed sometime to think. To come to terms with the fact that you weren’t as invincible as you thought you were. That you were fragile.That you were still that naive girl you were years ago. You needed some time to rebuild yourself.

“Looks like you’ve put yourself back together,” You jumped at the familiar, unwarranted voice. Jongup leaned up against the brick wall of the club, the same devilish grin on his face. “I was beginning to worry.”

“Worried or bored?” You scoffed, pulling your coat tighter around your body to keep yourself warm from the harsh cold. Jongup chuckled slowly sauntering towards you like a snake slithering towards it’s prey.

“Worried, bored, same thing is it not?” He boredly shrugs as he leans in, the warmth his breath fanning your cheek. “I’ve missed my little marion.” He snickered as you rolled your eyes.

“I’m sure you did,” Sarcasm dripping from your words. “Where are your keepers?” You raised a brow, noticing that the other boys weren’t around.

“I’m hurt, marion. I personally come out to check if you might be around and you care for those mundane fellows?” Jongup’s cheshire grin never leaving his face. “If you must know they are in the backroom of your establishment.” Your face scrunched up when you noticed the mess that covered his face. Now under better lighting, you noticed the splotches of blood that covered his cheeks and partially his knuckles. All his victim’s you assumed. Jongup didn’t seem like the type to bleed.

“It seems you’ve been making a mess around my club…” You instinctively reached out and gently wiped the smudge away from Jongup’s cheek. The puppet master flinched. This was the second time you saw this happen.

You didn’t know if it was the odd sympathy you felt for him or the strange emotions you felt towards him since that night, but the disgust and alertness you felt for him seemed to have dim. You obviously could not completely trust the sly devil, but a small part of you knew the one truth about him. He was hurt. So deeply that even the slightest kind touch or tenderness made his instincts go on high alert from the unfamiliarity. It was quite sad once you thought about it. To never feel love. Affection. You were privileged to have all of that despite the seedy life you lived in. But Jongup? It seems he had been in the darkest hell and never came back up.

Jongup froze at your sudden touch. He was not expecting such….tenderness….comfort? He couldn’t quite put a name to the emotion he was feeling. It was new. Different. And he did not like it one bit. You would always conjure these weird emotions from him…He would always find a way to divert them. Ignore the strangeness he was feeling, but you simply brought it back with the simplest kind gesture. And he hated it. He hated the loss of power. The loss of control. The lack of understanding. He hated that you made him feel powerless at times, but he couldn’t get rid of you like he could with others. You were too intriguing, too interesting to simply let slip through his grasp. You were his marion. He was going to grab a hold of you, consume your mind, take control of your entire being.  Whether it was your choice or not.

“Some rats came to play. I was simply getting rid of the mess,” He yawned, removing your hand from his cheek. “I even had the courtesy to dump them in the trash for you.”

Rats. Emperor Dragons. Or what was left of them. Jongup confused you at times. He could be so cruel, so ruthless, and bloodthirsty. But you would see these small glimmers of humanity in him. You didn’t know if it appeared simply because he found it entertaining to see how you react to a sudden change of character or he truly had some humanity in him. You didn’t know. He was the one man that you simply couldn’t get a read on. His eyes were so empty, lifeless like he was a doll himself. His mind, intangible. He had walls that were so high and wide that you didn’t even know where to begin to overcome them. You didn’t even know if you should. Did you care for this psycho? You didn’t know. You felt something for him. A part of you wanted to give him tenderness and affection that he seemed to lack. Was it the motherly instinct in you? It may have been. He reminded you of some of your girls when you first saved them from the street. The only difference is that you were in time to save them. But no one was there to save Jongup.

“Thank you…” Your words were simply a murmur, but they left Jongup slightly stunned. Again, you were full of surprises and for once he did not know how to respond. He was expecting a witty sarcastic comment, or a scolding. But not gratitude. Those strange feelings once again conjuring up inside of him.  

“You’re thanking me?” He let out a slightly maniacal laughter. “Oh dear, it seems that little marion here is missing a screw or two,” He leaned in, his lips mere inches from yours, but you didn’t falter or move. You told him that you would stop running and that’s exactly what you were doing. “Didn’t I tell you before that if the game is too easy, it’s no fun.”

“And didn’t I tell you that I wasn’t running away anymore?” You cocked an eyebrow. Jongup paused for a moment, his smile slightly faltering until it merely changed to a wider grin.

“You’re playing a dangerous game, marion, and I don’t know if you will make it back in one piece…” He chuckles, he gently runs the back of his hand down the side of your face.

“And I don’t know if you’ll win.” A small smirk of your own spread across your dark red lips. Jongup stepped back from you, going into a fit of hysterical laughter.

“My dear sweet naive marion. The more I warn you to leave the more you seem to flock towards danger,” Jongup tilted your chin upwards, tilting his head to the side curiously. “What makes you tick, marion? What can make such a naive little thing run towards something they should obviously stay away from them? Why venture further into the darkness when the both of us can continue playing this little game of ours?”

“I’m done playing the small games. I want the real challenge. What makes you tick Moon Jongup?” Your stare unwavering from his. Both of you seem to be reading the other, but not understanding a thing. It was truly a game of cat and mouse. Predator and prey. One trying to tame the other.

“Moon Jongup. Surprised to see you here instead of jail.” Jongup let out a bored sigh, creating a space between the two of you as Special Agent Im approached the two of you. A small smirk on the tall, handsome fellow’s face.

“And I will never be in jail if you are all bark and no bite.” Jongup smirk as he saw Jaebum’s brow knit together in frustration.

“Watch your words, Moon, because the moment you slip up you can be sure I will arrest your ass,” Jaebum growled, his frustration increasing as the sly smirk on Jongup’s face grew wider. Oh he knew the infamous reputation of the Moon Jongup. He was already part of the crime world before he even joined BAP. Assault, murder, robbery. His rap sheet was almost as long as could go on for days. But he was a lone wolf. Never collaborating with fellow criminals, let alone join a gang. That is until BAP came into the picture. Jaebum always wondered what caused the demented man to suddenly change his ways. “And I would suggest that you should stay away from this man, Miss. He is dangerous.”

A small smile spread across your lips. As if you were new to danger, let alone that of Moon Jongup. “So I’ve heard.”

“Marion, here, is the type to learn things the hard way.” His grin spread, eyeing you with a smug look in his eyes. You rolled your eyes at his action, but the amused smirk never leaving your lips.

Jaebum stared at the two of you confused, not understanding how a beautiful young lady such as yourself would ever associate with someone like Jongup. Your ruby tinted lips and beautiful smile would capture any man in a heartbeat, yet you chose the attention of a psychotic man who treated human life as a pawn for his sick mental games. Perhaps you were as sick as he was? Or perhaps you had your own vendetta? The marionette wanting to control the puppet master?

“So why are you here?” You raised an eyebrow, approaching Jaebum. “Law enforcement doesn’t usually come here,” Leaning in so that your lips were near his ear. “Too afraid of the danger.” A shiver ran down Jaebum’s spine at your smooth, sultry voice. You were the dangerous one. A vixen.

“I can assure you, beautiful, that I am not like any other law enforcement.” Jaebum smirked back, trying to regain his composure. It was tough, though. It was as if you could see right through him. One simple glance and you could read him like a book.

“Then did you come here to see little ol me?” Jongup raised a brow, leaning against the walls of Le Noir.

“No,” Jaebum growled, glaring at the Jongup. “I’ve come here to check out this place.” Jaebum pointed at the sign of Le Noir, glimmering under the moonlit night.

“And what business do you have with my establishment?” You crossed your arms, your playful expression faded away into complete seriousness. After all the hell you went through, no one was to mess with your home. You didn’t care if it was local law enforcement, criminal syndicate, or federal law enforcement. You would ensure that Le Noir was not collateral damage.

“Your establishment?” Jaebum couldn’t hide the shock in his voice. Now everything began to make some sense. Of course, someone who grew up in these streets and lifestyle would be able to handle gangsters like Jongup. It was in your blood.

“Yes. Is that a problem?” You raised an eyebrow. If he thought that the crime world was that of a man’s world, he was utterly wrong.

“No, that just makes my task much easier. I have some questions to ask you Miss…”

“Y/N. If you call me anything else I will take it as personal insult.” Jaebum let out a snort at your words. A feisty vixen.

“Then Y/N, if you would be so kind and answer a few questions of mine.” Jaebum leaned in, a smug grin on his face. It was a first for him to interact with a femme fatale and how he enjoyed it much more than dealing with the disgruntled men he usually encountered.

“Ah-ah, too close,” Jongup placed a hand between the you and Jaebum to create some form of distance. “I don’t like sharing my toys, Im.”

“And who says I don’t like to be shared?” You scoffed, removing Jongup’s hand from your line of sight so that you were once again face to face with Jaebum.

“Looks like your ‘toy’ doesn’t like listening to you, Moon.” Jaebum snickered. How interesting to see someone outwardly defy the demented psycho of the underworld.

“If she did then it would be too boring, no? Makes taming her more fun.” Jongup shot Jaebum a arrogant smirk, a small chuckle leaving his lips. Of course he doesn’t want you to simply be a mindless puppet for him to manipulate. That would be too dull. Too simple. He wanted his defiant marionette.

“You two boys are the ones that need to be tamed,” You sneered, not enjoying that the two of them were talking as if you were not present. “Now Special Agent Im, what business do you have with my establishment and myself?”

“I wanted to ask you about the Emperor Dragons.” Jaebum noted the stiffness of your body at the mention of the infamous game. He also noticed the usual devilish expression of Jongup now contorted to something darker and sinister.

“And what about them?” You cleared your throat, not wanting for some stupid trauma to unnerve you. What’s done is done and the past cannot be changed so you didn’t wish for it to affect you.

“We have information that they have been visiting Le Noir lately, and we wanted to know if you’ve noticed suspicious activity.” You couldn’t help but let out a burst of laughter at Jaebum’s words. Suspicious activity? Did he forget where you worked?

“Honey, I own a bar meant for gangsters and mob men. There is probably suspicious activity happening every minute,” You giggled. You didn’t know if Special Agent Jaebum was pulling your leg or was more than innocent that he appeared to be. The opposite of the glowering puppet master beside you. “And, even if there was suspicious activity, I wouldn’t tell you. I’m no snitch.” You shot him a sly smile.

“Then you’re impeding a federal investigation, Y/N. And I’ll have to haul your pretty little ass back to headquarters for interrogation.” Jaebum flashed a cocky smile, liking your nerve and fearlessness.

“Try me. I don’t mind be in handcuffs.” You smirked back, not faltering a bit at his threat.

Jaebum let out a snort before rummaging in his pocket, pulling out his business card. “Maybe another time. Until then, call me if you see anything out of place.”

You flashed him your rehearsed polite smile. “Don’t worry. I won’t.” You plucked the card from Jaebum’s arm who let out a scoff before retreating back to his head quarters.

“First you wish to play a game with me and then you play with authorities, marion. You really have no fear do you?” Jongup snickered, amused by your actions and recklessness. You truly were a bag of surprises.

“Looks like you’re rubbing off on me.” You shrugged placing the card in your coat pocket.

“I don’t know if that’s a good thing.” Jongup chuckled. But it wasn’t his usual maniacal chuckle or borderline insane laughter. There was a hint of something hidden within that laugh. Another emotion that you’ve never heard from said man.

The two were now stuck in this game. Neither of you willing to run away, neither one of you willing to yield. He wanted control. He wanted to play around, fool around with his new toy. Yet at the same time he refused to allow you to fall, to break. Such conflicting thoughts and wants that you couldn’t understand. Yet you did want to understand. No matter how many times you tried to push him away, tell yourself he was dangerous, deadly, insane, you kept wanting to understand what was going in his mind. What made him so broken, heartless, merciless. You wanted to stay away, but yet you wanted to fix him. It confused him. He did not know how to react to such interest. Such a pure emotion. For a man who only lived and seen darkness, to see something so pure within his grasp frustrated him. He did not know whether to reach out and crush it or to simply observe it, see what may or may not occur. The two of you were playing a dangerous game where someone would get hurt. You just didn’t know who.

“I don’t know either….”

Thanks for reading! Comments and feedback are welcome!