#I’m gonna stop tagging ‘my art’ in doodles for when I feel like it’ll be digitized

[hplonesomeart]

Hey. Sorry about the inactivity, but pretty sure no one cared that much anyways lol. Been a looooong time since I kept that distant from Tumblr…at least now I know I’m able to survive without checking posts every day/being chronically online! I’ve got an intense love-hate relationship with this lifestyle I’ve dug myself into. Think I’m getting a little bit better with the balance even if school isn’t really giving me an option. Got a load of work I need to keep catching up on if I don’t want to disappoint my professors. We’ll survive somehow. Here take a quick batch of Puzzle doodles k bye

[pretty-pink-seaslug]

Sketch I did that I forgot to show off yesterday, Vanity out of her usual uniform!

Made this specifically to show how maestro bodies look in my mind, just in slugterrian flavor here, thinking about digitizing and coloring this someday 🤔

[worldviewcast]

The Origin of Worldview

So this is going to be a semi-personal, but also a semi-explanation post about alot of the background info regarding Worldview.  Yes it’ll be a long somewhat boring wall of text for many of you, but to ME it’s words I feel need to be said and it would mean the absolute world to me if people would take the time to hear me out.  Even if its only gonna be the five of you that continue on after this. Anyway...

Worldview technically started forming in my mind when I was probably about fifteen. (For reference, at the time of writing this, I’m about half a year to thirty-one) I was really into doing comics, I had done probably a hundred pages of a really dumb fantasy comic I came up with when I was TWELVE, a Sonic fancomic, and every morning on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I would upload my micron inked and colored pencil story about some DnD characters into the school scanner to post on Drunkduck which is probably all still there today. Adventure’s Guild is missed in my heart, for sure.  But in between looking for my first job, the constant writing and doodling I was doing, and my schoolwork I was tossing another idea around in my head. A really DUMB idea, cuz ya know I was FIFTEEN. And I wanted to call it ‘My Big Brother the Ninja’. At the time I was influence by all the dumb anime I was watching and my best friend at the time who always wore black and stood about two feet over me. I don’t know if he’ll ever read this, but trust me if he knew I was talking about this he would recognize this story right away.  Well. My first job came around, along with my post secondary college work, and then a tech school I paid for, and.....life really started to get in the way of development. I was more focused on drawing Adventures Guild and other doodles for a long time, and soon enough taking care of my daughter took precedence over everything, and then I started sewing, and doing conventions....and the idea of ‘My Big Brother the Ninja’ was just stuck in the back of my head. Sitting. Waiting. Forming slowly as it waited for its existence - its time in the sun.  And at some point I decided I wanted Android/Robotic like characters too...some of my FAVORITE series are Kikaider : The Animation and Chobits (the books, not the infants show they try to pass a a fully written anime) - things like that. So I KNEW long before Worldview had a proper name I would be writing robot characters with a twist. But I couldn’t figure out what that twist was, what would make it work. The whole idea was still....building. It needed a push.  Right around the time My Hero Academia came around everyone with a creative mind seemed to be suddenly struck with a similar idea - what if unique powers WEREN’T so unique in a world?  This is fairly common now, but at the start of MHA I remember finding it weird that suddenly every half the new shows out had a whole population of super powered badasses in a world where living daily life with it was more the norm than the exception.  And I remember finding it REALLY weird this all came out the same time I evolving a similar idea for my own thing.... I wish I could prove I was evolving this ideas before I saw em but I can’t. I have a much deeper theory about the evolution of cultural art and how influences drive creative minds to similar conclusions but that’s a LONG mental dive for another day.  ANYHOW.

So my original idea in ‘My Big Brother the Ninja’ was the Ninja would be the weird super power in the normal world.  NOW I wanted the NINJA to be the ‘normal’ one...and the younger sister would be the WEIRD one because she DIDN’T have some sort of power or ability.  I fell in love with this new dynamic and now things were REALLY starting to come together in my mind, what kind of powers were people gonna have, just HOW mundane was it gonna be, how many fantasy elements did I want to have?  Because I already KNEW another element I really wanted to include was modern day Paladins - and YES I WILL be covering modern-day style Paladins in Worldview proper, but this meant the universe needed a Deity system, a hierarchy or pantheon.  And the world just started to grow....but something was still MISSING, the binding, the elements of what all I wanted to do -  Aaaaaaaaaand then came UNDERTALE.  And yes this ENTIRE long post is just me mini ranting about how WV came to be so people can TRULY understand just HOW much is inside MY universe so we can stop tagging it as part of the UT Multiverse please and thank you - it’s not that I don’t UNDERSTAND the confusion, but here is your ultimate ‘for the record’ post regarding mine and @little-noko ‘s personal frustrations. Undertale was obviously a HUGE part of pop culture, personal experiences, my life, MANY of my readers lives, I GET why the emotional connection is there and why its the first thing that comes to mind - but the ONLY part I truly was fascinated by with Undertale was the way the Souls were.  PHYSICAL Souls - an actual magical entity that represented a person - THIS idea.  This was my missing piece.  To say artists get inspiration from other artists is beyond an understatement - even Sans and Papyrus are references to Helvetica, right? If not references, inspired by, or ‘great minds think alike’, whatever your argument there....its not uncommon.  And Souls being PHYSICAL was the element I wanted to play with - the idea I wanted to expand on, and so much more I want to go into detail about but don’t want to go into spoilers yet so I’m not going to - and the absolute CRUX of my frustrations when dealing with ‘WV is just UT with different characters’.  Worldview has.....humans. Only humans, divided into four race. Mechanoid. Masic. Skeleton. Metazoan. (The last one exclusively because I wanted an excuse to draw cute cat girls, so sue me)  A pantheon of Gods. It’s own world map. Special BIOLOGY that I have developed to work specifically with the races I have built. Ability trees (diagram to come, don’t worry, we’re just still working out the kinks).  It’s own countries, nationalities, and even it’s own tangible form of afterlife which I blame watching WAY too much Supernatural on but HEY Reapers are freaking COOL man.  It’s absolutely gut wrenching painful to have people argue with me over a world that I have nurtured and slowly tended to for a good fifteen years...now that it finally, FINALLY gets a chance to exist and be worked on....I feel like the one binding element I finally found and played with and tried to expand on is the ONLY element that people care about. As if absolutely EVERY other element that I want to show just - doesn’t EXIST. We started with Finch because its a good transition from the old projects to the new and it’s the earliest event in the timeline - nothing more than that. But I’m almost starting to feel like that was a mistake because it’s TOO familiar.  There’s no going back now, and thats fine. But it does make me anxious to move on to the next ‘chapter’ we’ll be delving into.  MAN.  I hope that helps clarify a few things.  I love answering questions (those that I can) about  WV...so my ask box is always open.  For those that made it, thanks for listening. :) 

[timextoxhajima]

Playlist Feels

Member: lee jaehyun aka hyunjae from tbz cause i feel like there are too many jaehyuns around now ;_; my heart can’t take too many perfect men of the same name

Genre: COLLEGE... CRUSH? idk this is probably gonna be my most crack piece (you can already tell by the track)

Word Count: 4.3k

A/N: I wrote this at like 1.30am so please bear with me lol my inspiration always come in the middle of the night because it’s so quiet and conducive 

this will be a one shot cause i’ve got no fucking clue how to make it into a series/short novel without an actual conflict/angst/drama involved :”) if you’re a writer and you see this and you want to make a 2nd part or something, BE MY GUEST

lee hyun jae. 

who was he to me?

oh, i don’t know.

just the prettiest but handsomest man alive. if that’s even a word. 

he’s always surrounded by like, eleven other boys who are also good-looking and talented in some way or another. 

god must’ve invested his entire life into crafting these fine, fine specimens of men to be placed on earth.

maybe there was a mix up somewhere and they were supposed to be angels or demi-gods and god just fucked up. 

but i’ve got no complaints. 

i’m satisfied that i get to feast my eyes on such a gorgeous, rare, one-of-a-kind version of a person i’m sure exists nowhere else in the world. 

he’s known for being one of the most caring ones of the group. he’d make his friends laugh but watch out for them at the same time. he’s so easygoing, i wonder if he’d smile at me if i tripped him over or something. 

you might think i’m exaggerating. 

well,

i’m not.

so who am i to him?

sadly, nobody.

harsh truth.

there was absolutely nothing wrong with the man. there was a lack of flaw, and that was literally the only flaw he had. if it could even be considered as a flaw. i could spend my seconds, minutes, hours, days, just staring at him. it was so unfair that there is NOTHING WRONG WITH HIM.

sometimes it pisses me off.

it kind of pisses me off that he doesn’t have a girlfriend despite half the school simping over him.

i mean, who wouldn’t? just look at him.

there have been rumors flying about that he was gay or something. 

doesn’t matter if he is gay though.

it simply hurts to know he’s not dating anybody.

it’ll be such a waste if such a man ends up living a life alone. a waste indeed.

so what was it that was stopping me from putting that destiny of his to a screeching stop?

well, there was just one problem. 

“hELLO, earth to y/n?” the sudden waving in your face with the heaviest textbook in your curriculum snaps you back into reality. 

“which one of the twelve are you thinking up some magical fantasy over now?” your best friend frowns at you, the vein on her arm popping from the weight of the fat textbook. 

“ah-- it doesn’t matter who i’m daydreaming about, let me have my moment, would you?” you lean back in your seat, disgruntled at her telling you what not to do with your own imagination. sometimes it was difficult to look at her without seeing all the little hints of lee hyunjae in her.

they had the same nose, but that was it. honestly, it was a miracle you just happened to make friends with one of the prettiest girls in school, and good for you, she ended up becoming your friend and stayed in that position for more than a decade. naturally, she was upgraded to the ‘best friend’ title. 

the biggest issue you had with lee hee jae was that she hated her brother getting so much attention, and she has always condemned him about it. 

which was pretty ironic, given the number of love letters that show up in her locker everyday.

but thanks to her cold, a-little-more-than-mean superficial personality, most guys don’t have enough of a pair to talk to her in person. sure, she won’t hesitate to stab a bitch, but you knew her well enough to know that if the love of her life, son young jae, were to suddenly sprout feelings for her and confess, she might just nose bleed and pass out. 

but does she know you have had the biggest, fattest crush on her older brother?

no. 

she’d kidnap you and torture you and brainwash you to unlike him. 

maybe that’s why he hasn’t got any girlfriends.

“you’re zoning out again,” she snaps her finger in your ear and the sharp click jumps you. you bare your teeth in annoyance and feign a hit towards her, but she doesn’t flinch. 

your little high school crush on her brother wasn’t getting any weaker as the years went by. in fact, it’s been getting stronger. now that you’ve seen the way he treats his friends, how kind and considerate he was, not to mention that body-- well--

let’s just say you went from just appreciating his face, to everything in general. it was only a matter of time before she finds out that the one man you were simping over out of the eleven boys was her brother.

of the eleven boys, it just had to be her brother.

“hee jae,” you pull out a pencil and start to randomly doodle in your notebook. “haven’t you ever considered talking to eric?” 

she shoots you a death glare, but you’re used to it. 

“i thought we agreed not to speak of this in school!” she leans into you and hisses, eyes piercing right through your head. if her eyes had lazers, your head would’ve been blasted off completely after years of her angry glaring. 

“no, but eric just seems so... chill, y’know? he’s either cleaning his table and packing his stuff or outside playing baseball, there’s literally nothing stopping you from talking to him.”

she rolls her eyes and snatches your pencil away from you in a bid to piss you off so you’d stop talking.

“give it back--” you snatch the stationery from her and hiss at her like a cat. “you’re literally in the damn baseball team with him. it’s not that difficult to make up a story and start a conversation with him.”

“ha,” she’s finally mastered the art of fake laughter. “easy for you to say. you simp for all eleven of them and can’t choose one for you to worry about it like i do.”

that was fun to hear.

“well, forget eric,” she waves it off. “are we doing anything after school?”

anything but going to your house. i don’t want to be stuck under the same roof as your brother, my heart would get a seizure and i’ll probably die on the spot.

“my mom’s making crepes today, and i know you love that shit,” hee jae snickers, pulling out a baseball from her bag and throwing it into the air and catching it. 

“aw, man... not the crepes,” you pout and side eye her, leaning back into your seat. 

“why are you so uptight about going to my place? you’ve been there a billion fucking times, you literally live there now.”

that’s cause i’m only over when your brother isn’t around!

“ugh, okay fine. but i gotta dash home first to grab some homework. i left some of it at home ‘cause i wasn’t expecting an invitation today.”

she squeals, showing you a part of her that nobody else has the privilege of seeing. “sick,” she gets out of the seat she dragged to yours and brings it back to where she took it from. “call my home number and tell me you’re on your way before you leave your house!”

you nod un-enthusiastically, waving her off before she leaves the classroom and returns to hers. 

you were finally back at home, showered and changed into comfortable clothes while you shoved all your homework into your bag. you leave your parents a text to tell them that you’d spend the afternoon and evening at heejae’s so they don’t have to worry about your dinner, then you dial her home number.

the phone was on it’s eighth ring, and you were already one foot out of the door. usually, it doesn’t take her that long to pick up the phone.

“this little bitch invites me over and doesn’t pick up the damn--”

“hello?”

your grip tightens around your phone and you stumble out of your house, the door swinging shut behind jumps you and you process the voice on the other end of the line. 

“uh--”

“is this y/n?”

“uh... yeah, this is she.”

he knows me?

shut up, of course he knows you. you’ve been friends with his sister for a decade!

“oh, okay, cool. heejae’s in the toilet right now and she said she’ll get it but i couldn’t stand the sound of the phone ringing.”

“ah...” your voice trails off, unsure of how to respond. you were just preoccupied with how soothing his voice was, and just imagining his face with the phone to his ear on the other line was just so--

“hello? y/n? you there?”

“yeah, yeah, sorry i was... crossing a road.” you weren’t even moving; you were just planted into the pavement like a tree. 

“actually, why don’t i go and pick you up? your place is on the way to the shopping mall and my mom just told me to go get some groceries, do you want to tag along? we can head back to my place afterwards and you can get the crepes you like.”

where in the world was he getting all this information from?

“uh--” you stammer into the receiver for the billionth time. he must think you have some kind of speech problem by now.

“you know what? just hang tight for a few minutes. heejae’s still in the bathroom so she doesn’t get a say in what i do if i decide it without her presence,” you hear him walk around on the house and call out for his mom to tell her he was leaving for the shopping mall. “you live on 31st avenue, right? the white house with the blue roof?”

“uH--” you really need to get a grip on yourself.

“i guessed. hang tight, i’ll be there in a sec! see you!”

hyunjae doesn’t bother to wait for you to hang up before he does. the line goes dead and the beep nearly deafens you, but you couldn’t believe your ears. you were about to be in the same vehicle as lee hyun jae. one of the most popular boys in school, the handsomest man alive, the love of your li--

whoa.

too fast.

you shake the nonsensical daydreams out of your head and walk back to the steps of your door. while waiting, you can’t help but to let the quiet crush on him run your mind recklessly. 

what if he was just messing with you and he’s just chilling at home? what if he knows that you have a crush on him and he’s just having fun? what if he thinks you’re weird for hanging out with his sister? what if he’s caught you staring and he thinks you’re a creep? oh my god, what if heejae’s told him embarrassing stories about you and now he’s going to poke fun at you with that? 

you stare blankly at the little weeds in the cracks of the pavement, the thoughts in your head running wild as you slowly convince yourself he’s not going to turn up. 

but the familiar silver family car rolls up at the end of the pavement, and the windows roll down to reveal hyunjae in sunglasses wearing a simple white tee-shirt. 

“did i keep you waiting?” he pushes down his sunglasses and looks at you over the rim, one arm dangling outside the window. 

you shake your head, suddenly losing all ability to speak. 

“alrighty then, get in. we’re heading for the shopping mall.” he nods his head towards the car, retracting his arm back into the vehicle. 

your heart was thumping so aggressively and so loudly you were sure he could hear it. hell, he could probably see it. 

“how’s school? i haven’t seen you around back in my house after... what, about five years? you were always around when i was out, if i didn’t know better, i’d think you were avoiding me,” his voice was so alluring, you had to constantly remind yourself that he was actually saying something.

“uh-- well....” 

come on, say something. anything.

“i guess god just doesn’t want us to meet.”

no, it’s because you were avoiding him. what the flying fuck was that?

he laughs heartily, his teeth catching the light of the afternoon sun and glistens in your vision. “if that’s the case then god really needs to give me a break.”

your little-crush-on-him morphs into a tiny character in your head and it starts yelling at you. did he just say what you think he just said?

“no, i mean,” he glances at you, hands still on the steering wheel once he notices you’ve gone eerily silent. “i would’ve spoken to you and tried to be actual friends with you sooner, but heejae never wants me talking to her friends. you can imagine how she is with her best friend.”

you sigh heavily, the mention of your best friends’ name loosening some knots in your stomach. “lee hee jae is just something. not sure what, but something.”

“it does baffle me to think about how you put up with her for what, nine years now?”

you were looking out the window, and the idea of being in the same car as hyunjae doesn’t seem as tormenting as it seemed once you realise the best support you’ve had for the last ten years was lee hee jae. 

“eleven, actually,” you say without looking at him, eyes zeroing on a couple walking a dog on the pavement by the road. “yeah i guess she can be a handful sometimes, especially with how cold and mean she is on the outside...”

the car stops at a traffic junction.

“but put her in front of one guy and she’ll pass the fu--”

“‘one guy’?” he interrupts.

your eyes widen and you suck your lips between your teeth, wincing a little to yourself when you realise what you just said. 

“lee hee jae has a crush on someone?” you hear him scoff and a brotherly chuckle rushes out his lips. “do you know who it is?”

you were about to protest and stop him from trying to dig the information that you nearly disclosed, but he interrupts you again.

“y’know what? don’t tell me. i’ll guess. i’ll just watch your reactions while i’m at it.”

you grit your teeth and tighten your temples. you don’t realise how sweaty your palms were until your phone slides out from underneath your skin when the car starts to move. 

“is it kevin? no wait-- doesn’t feel like it.”

is he going to just start talking on his own until he finds someone he thinks suits her and then look at my face to read my expression?

“i don’t think she’s the kind to go for someone older than me or my age. so that takes sangyeon, jacob, younghoon-- is it younghoon? no, it’s not... ah, no matter how i think about it, someone nearer your age pops up. haknyeon, sunwoo, eric. it’s one of the three.”

that wasn’t so hard. hee jae must be easy for her brother to read.

“are you really going to let me play this elimination game alone?” he raises a brow and turns the wheel, driving into the car park of the shopping mall. the little gesture causes your heart to involuntarily skip a beat, and you could see his eyes folding even behind the sunglasses when he turns his head.

“your sister would kill me if she knew i even started this conversation, so i’m just refraining from deepening my grave.”

you hear him laugh through his nose. “relax, i’m not going to tell her you said this. i’ve seen the way she looks at us whenever we’re in school. she gives me a look of disgust but she always reserves a blush on her cheeks for someone. i just can’t put my finger on who it is.”

“you mean you notice the way she looks at you and your friends? that’s a little weird.”

the car starts to reverse into a parking lot and he pulls the gears into parking mode. there was a short silence in the air as he lays his finger on the start up button of the car and he turns to look at you, now without the sunglasses to block your view of his eyes.

“you’d be surprised that i notice a lot of things.”

he flashes you a smile and reaches for the door on his side, pushing himself out as if he didn’t just expose both you and your best friend. 

you were just tailing hyunjae while he told you what was on the grocery list, and you start filling the basket. he doesn’t stop guessing though, but the entire time spent with him only made you feel like he was so comfortable to be around.

besides his pretty face, of course. 

you were waiting for him to pay for the items while you stood outside when heejae’s caller ID showed up on your phone screen.

“where the hell are you?”

“hello to you too,” you roll your eyes. “your brother said he was going to get me and now we’re shopping for groceries before we return to your place. didn’t your mom tell you?”

“what? no, she didn’t. she just told me he went out to get groceries.”

“huh?” you look over your shoulder to see hyunjae paying the cashier. “are you saying that your mom lied about me?”

“now, why would she do that?”

“she’s your mom, not mine. why don’t you ask her instead?” 

hyunjae picks up the grocery bags and walks towards you, looking into them and making sure he didn’t miss out anything. 

“this is so fucking weird. where’s hyunjae? pass the phone to him,”

“we’re done, let’s go.” hyunjae stops by your side, noticing that you were on the phone. 

“don’t you dare hang up on me, pass the phone to him!” hee jae screams into the receiver. you wince and pull it away from your ear, shooting hyunjae a look of slight confusion as you hand him the phone. 

“it’s your sister.”

he sighs and places the bags on the floor, wiping his hands on his pants before taking it. 

you could hear hee jae screaming at him on the other end, but hyunjae’s face doesn’t change one bit besides that sweet smile plastered to his lips while he let his sister berate him. hyunjae got bored extremely quickly, and he was already removing the phone from his ear while he repeated the word ‘bye’ into the receiver. 

he hands the phone back to you and hangs it up for you, picking up the bags and heading back to the car. 

by the time you reach the road right outside their house, heejae was standing on the porch, anxiously tapping her foot on the wooden boards. 

“oh, no,” he groans, looking out the window and observing heejae like she was a lion in the savannah. “well, just another day for us people who have to deal with miss lee.”

he says so coyly, pushing himself out of the car and going to open the door of the backseat. you help yourself out, and heejae storms toward you, fists balled by her side and steam coming out through her ears.

you thought she was going to scream at you for accepting a ride from hyunjae, but she dodges you and opens the backseat door opposite hyunjae to yell at him in the car. 

“what made you think it was a great idea to pick her up? didn’t we have a deal that both our friends were out of bounds to each other?”

wait what--

“yah, lee hyunjae!” she yells at the top of her voice as he ignores her, pulling out of the car and walking towards the house. “we had a deeeeeaaaaaaal!” 

you grab onto heejae and turn her around, trying to peel her attention away from her brother and to you so you could get a grasp on what she just said.

“did you just say what i think you just said?!” you blink in surprise at her, and the thought of hyunjae finding an excuse just to spend time with you melts you into a puddle of hopeless goop. 

“no,” she says with a stern face, lifting a finger and pointing at you in the face. “no.”

“well--” she yanks herself out of your grip and turns to the house. “what’s so bad about dating your siblings’ friends? you like eric.”

she literally screeches to a stop and turns around with eyes that were burning. honestly, it was pretty funny to see her so riled up, knowing that she wasn’t angry at you. she was angry with hyunjae for... whatever he did, and the fact that she just had to fall for someone in hyunjae’s circle of friends. it was a slap in her face, or whoever thought about the no-dating-siblings’-friends pact.

“is that why you don’t want to talk to eric? because of this... deal?” you raise a brow, entertained, completely forgetting that there was the slightest chance that hyunjae might’ve been looking for an excuse to hang out with you, and he had just succeeded.

she had no words, but her silence was enough to let you unpack the situation.

“ah... i see,” you fold your arms across your chest and smirk at her. then you remember you were standing right outside lee hyunjae’s house. this was your chance to dig the information out from her. “so if this deal is stopping you from talking to eric, then is it safe to assume that it’s similar for hyunjae?”

you could see her bottom lip quivering upon your question, as she realises that you’ve finally found out why she was keeping a distance from her own teammate. but her silence also pushes you further into confusion. does that mean--

“look, you can’t date hyunjae, okay? i forbid it. the last time a girl dated someone in that group of friends of his, they broke up because she got bullied by other girls in school. i told hyunjae he wasn’t allowed to date any of my friends so i wouldn’t need to beat the fuck out of any bullies and get myself expelled,” she huffed and hugged her torso. “and i made him agree to that deal by promising him that neither i nor any of my friends would date his.”

you shake your head, fingers pressing into your temples and hair while you let the story unfold from her narration. 

“my mom didn’t tell me about him going to get you because... well... he--”

“i like you!”

your heart stops and you think your blood stopped flowing through you as well. heejae’s head snaps back to look at the house and the source of noise, and she pulls out a shoe to hurl it at hyunjae. 

“ah--!” he starts yelling once she reaches him with the shoe. “let me at least try, god damn it! sunwoo only let his girlfriend get bullied because he’s a dumbass-- ow! but i’m not gonna let her get bullied, i promise!”

you slowly turn your head to see hyunjae trying to dodge every hit, and he starts running away from her and toward you. he pulls you in front of him so you were standing between him and heejae, who was holding onto the shoe so tightly, her knuckles were turning white. 

“y/n, take a chance with me, would you? i’ve always noticed the both of you looking at us but it always bothered me that i have no idea who either of you are looking at--”

he dodges a side swing, and your view of heejae trying to reach him was pretty hilarious, if you weren’t acting as his shield. 

“what makes you think she’ll say yes?! she can’t even choose--”

“i do, heejae,” finally, you’ve decided to shoot your shot. heejae freezes with the shoe in mid-air, and hyunjae’s hold on your shoulders tighten. “i’ve only said i can’t choose only because i didn’t want you to know that it was your brother i liked.”

you couldn’t believe what was coming out of your mouth. all that effort to keep it hidden only to expose yourself infront of both heejae and her brother at once?!

she looked like she wanted to slap you with the shoe now, and you flinch when she shifts, closing your eyes to brace for impact. 

but it doesn’t come. 

you open one eye and look at her, and she looked like she’s completely resigned to fate. she shakes her head like your mother would when you did something stupid, and she squats to get her shoe back on her feet. 

“i give up,” she grunts, shoving her feet into her shoe and tying the laces messily before standing up again. “of all eleven of them, him?” she raises an agitated brow and points to the boy hiding behind you. 

“it wouldn’t have been so annoying if it had been one of his friends, but him?!” 

you turn back to look at hyunjae, who was giving you puppy eyes as if he was already your boyf--

too fast. 

“does it look like i chose to like him?” you pout, hands reaching out to her and trying to play for affection. 

“for fucks’ sake,” she groans, face palming herself. “now i’m going to look like a shitty friend and sister if i don’t let you two date.”

“on the bright side..” you pull her into a hug and tighten your hold, knowing that whatever you were going to say next was going to warrant another violent outburst from her. “if hyunjae and i date, that means the deal’s broken and...”

“you can talk to eric now.”

“AH! SO IT’S ERIC?!”

[221bshrlocked]

I Put a Spell on You

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 2256

Warnings: fluffff. So much freaking fluff.

A/N: this was supposed to be a short drabble but things got outta hand quite literally and now I have this. I couldn’t not write something for Halloween so I hope you enjoy this :)

You assumed Wanda understood that you felt uncomfortable by her invitation to the small halloween party she was having when you continued to say no but then she barged into the coffee shop a few hours ago and demanded you get off your shift a little early and grab your costume. 

“For the last time, I really don’t think that’s a good idea Wanda. I’m like an outlier and it’ll be very obvious and I’d rather not have anyone think I’m there because-”

“Y/N shut up, you’re coming. Literally everyone knows you by now and I’d highly doubt anyone will think that way. As a matter of fact, someone was super excited when I said I invited you.” Wanda grabbed her coffee from your hand before you even placed a cover on it.

“You’re lying...who was it?” You tried not to sound too excited, hoping she’d tell you it was a certain introvert who spent most of his afternoons in your little cafe writing and doodling. When she didn’t respond, you turned around and saw her already smiling at you.

“Y/N, go sign out.” You heard your boss yell out from across the shop and you knew Wanda had already spoken to her. 

“Fine, but know that I don’t like any bit of this.” You took your apron off and walked past your boss, shaking your head at her when she told you she couldn’t deny any request by any of the Avengers. Quickly grabbing your things, you walked towards your place with Wanda and refused to wear the costume she brought for you.

“Why not? You’ll look really cute in this.” 

“You mean I’ll look desperate. No thank you I already have one.” Throwing your things on the couch, you walked into your room to freshen up and grabbed the home-made costume before putting on some light make up and walking out.

“Are you kidding me Y/N? That could barely pass as a home-made costume.” She complained about the shirt and your lack of ideas to which you ignored before exiting your apartment

“I’ll have you know, I wore this to class yesterday and pretty much everyone was triggered. That shit is terrifying Wanda. I’m serious.” You attempted to convince her that your sense of humor was spot on but she ignored you all the way to the tower. Once you got there, Wanda handed you a special tag to wear so no one would stop you when you try to go anywhere.

“This will get you anywhere you want...actually, no. Anywhere you’re allowed to be in.” She sipped her coffee before pushing you towards the elevator, already hoping that everyone was on time so you wouldn’t feel awkward. 

When the elevator rang, Wanda walked out and turned around, only to see the nervousness seeping through your clothes. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s just us Y/N. Pretend we’re at the coffee shop.” She smiled at you and you wished her assuring words would work but your nerves got the best of you. 

As soon as you stepped out, you heard screaming and yelling from the opposite end of the room. Walking behind Wanda, you watched a bunch of middle aged men and women screaming at each other while carving pumpkins, laughing to yourself when you saw how invested Steve was in his own pumpkin. You didn’t announce your arrival right away, wanting to watch them in their “natural habitat” before things got awkward.

You were doing a fairly good job standing on the side and sipping some of the green juice from the large cauldron when you felt something pull on your shirt. Looking down, you saw a young boy staring at you with chocolate all over his face and his hands, which were now on your jeans. You laughed at his carelessness before kneeling down and smiling at him.

“Hi, I’m Y/N, what’s your name?” 

“I’m Nathaniel. Why aren’t you wearing a costume?” He asked in all seriousness and you had to stop the laugh from erupting so he doesn’t think you were laughing at him. “I am actually wearing a costume. This is what some grown-ups are afraid of.” 

“You’re afraid of a chocolate bar?” He asked again and this time, you couldn’t help but laugh at his innocence.

“Oh no sweetheart, this is the Bar Exam. It’s a little different from a chocolate bar. It’s like a test, a really very hard test that I have to take.”

“Well, if you study for it, won’t you pass?” He tilted his head to the side and you pouted at how cute he was

“I wish it were that easy buddy.” You ruffled his hair and watched as he smiled up at you before taking a chunk out of the chocolate frog in his hand.

“Hey little guy, didn’t I tell you to make sure you wipe your hands before grabbing anyone?” You knew who it was instantly, and wished you tried a little harder with how you looked. Looking up, you saw the one and only Bucky Barnes smiling down at you, the expression growing wider when he saw the way you reacted to him. 

As much as you tried, you couldn’t hold back the starstruck expression you held. This was Bucky for god’s sake but his costume made it worse; his long hair was slicked back in a ponytail and not covering his face anymore. And my god, those eyes were such a vibrant blue, especially with the glasses adorning his sharp features. Then there was the cardigan and jeans that were both at least one size smaller. You didn’t know what he was supposed to be and you honestly didn’t care. All you paid attention to was how absolutely breathtaking he looked

“Wanda didn’t tell me you were coming.” Bucky asked as he grabbed the chocolate out of Nathaniel’s hand so he could clean his hands. 

“I- umm, well, I initially said no but you know Wanda. She doesn’t take no for an answer.” You stood up and didn’t know what else to say, watching as Bucky grabbed a wet wipe and rub the melted chocolate from the little boy’s hand before telling him he couldn’t have any more chocolate.

“Hey hey this is your sixth chocolate frog and I’d rather not have Laura come after me. Now, go and see if Steve finished your pumpkin or not.” You watched as the kid ran to Steve and jumped on his lap to see his pumpkin, almost yelping when you felt something rub at your upper thighs.

“Hold still, there’s some chocolate here.” Bucky said as he knelt behind you and rubbed your jeans with a wet towel. “Damn, this kid really went for it huh?” 

“Haha uhh yeah, yup. That- ahuha.” You didn’t know what to say, torn between wanting to focus on the hand holding onto your hips while pretending Bucky touching you wasn’t a huge deal.

“There, I got most of it out. Nice costume by the way, really funny.” 

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell Wanda.” You turned away when you saw how intense holding his gaze was and pretended you were getting more juice.

“Wanna carve a pumpkin with us?” Bucky was already walking towards the corner table where Clint’s other kids were sitting. 

“I’m not really that talented to be honest, I’d just end up ruining your pumpkins.”

“Nonsense, we have a lot. And no one here is talented...except maybe Steve and I. And I’m definitely not biased.” Bucky smiled at you before motioning for you to follow him. You did silently and ignored Wanda and Natasha’s stares.

Sitting down, you introduced yourself to Lila and Cooper before turning to watch Bucky work his magic. 

Within minutes, you were so focused on watching him carve the pumpkin that you didn’t notice when he stole glances at you. He was so talented with the knife and a part of you, the slightly inappropriate one, wished he was using those skills in a different way but you brushed the thought aside. Almost fifteen minutes later, Bucky was giving Lila her pumpkin and smiling when she screamed from how perfect it was.

“My god how did you do that?” You asked, holding the pumpkin up for Lila to take a picture before setting it down to look at it. In the middle of the pumpkin was a flying Tinkerbell with fairy dust all around her. It was both beautiful and on point that you couldn’t help but praise him.

“What can I say doll? I’m talented with my hands,” he watched as you flushed at his comment, knowing fully well you caught onto what he meant. Bucky winked at you before getting up and walking over to Steve to see his pumpkin.

“Now, how about Y/N judges which is the better pumpkin?” Steve asked Bucky and you immediately said no, not wanting to have any kids crying because you favored one super soldier over the other.

“We trust your unbiased opinion Y/N!” Clint said and laughed along with Sam when they saw your semi-angry expression. You honestly couldn’t tell which was better because as precise and beautiful as Bucky’s was, Steve’s was straight up art. He managed to carve out Van Gogh’s Starry Night and use correct shading on a pumpkin and you couldn’t tell which was better.

“Guys I honestly cannot decide. They’re both so unbelievable.” You turned and saw Lila telling you to choose the other one so her brother doesn’t cry and you ended up doing just that. “But I think Steve’s wins because nothing beats Van Gogh.” As soon as you said that, Nathaniel started jumping up and down and stuck his tongue out at Bucky before grabbing another chocolate frog and running to you.

“Here, the winner was supposed to take this one but I’ll give it to you because you’re not a meanie head like Bucky.” You hugged the little kid before taking the chocolate and walking out to the balcony to get some fresh air.

Seconds later, you heard someone clear their throat and asking if they could join you.

“Of course.” You motioned for Bucky to come and didn’t bother to look at him because you knew you’d look away immediately. 

“Not gonna lie, I thought you were going to pick me doll.” When you said nothing, Bucky took a deep breath before stepping closer to you, his shoulder brushing your own and causing you to stop chewing on the candy.

“Hurt a man’s feelings darlin’, first you refuse my invitation then you choose Steve’s pumpkin over mine.”

“What invitation? I didn’t refuse your invitation!” You turned to face him and were surprised by how close he was.

“Yeah you did. I asked you weeks ago if you’d wanna come to this party but you said no. Then I asked Wanda to tell you and you still said no. Thank god she’s annoying when it comes to these things.” Bucky watched as realization dawned on your face, smiling when you shyly looked away from him.

“Y/N, look at me.” Bucky whispered, turning around to rest his elbow on the railing while trying to turn your chin towards him.

“N-no.” 

“Please.” His request was so quiet you almost didn’t hear him.

“You make me nervous Bucky.” You didn’t mean for those words to come out but once they did, you felt embarrassment wash over you.

“I don’t mean to. I swear I don’t.” He managed to turn you towards him, smiling down at you when he saw the little pout aimed at him.

“I really like you darlin’, and ‘ve been trying to talk to you for weeks but you just get so busy at work and I don’t mean to bother you when your shift is over. But...is this okay?” He leaned down and whispered those words against your cheek, making you shiver from the close proximity and his cologne.

“This- is m-more than okay.” You responded and Bucky didn’t give you a chance to say anything else, slowly capturing your lips with his and pulling you closer to him until you only felt him. His hands rested on your waist and when he saw you responding to his touches, he dared to grab your neck and push you aggressively to him.

“Goddamn, what’re you doing to me doll? It’s like you put a spell on me and I- shit, I can’t stop thinkin’ ‘bout you baby.” 

“I c-could ask you the same thing, especially with those glasses.” You laughed at his boyish grin, noticing the way his neck started to blush at your comment. “Well, you have to thank Wanda for that. She told me you liked men with glasses and I don’t need to wear them on a daily basis. But I could during halloween.”

It was your turn to blush, knowing you needed to both thank and kill Wanda when you saw her.

“Wanna have dinner with me?” Bucky asked, refusing to put any space between the two of you. 

“I would love that.” Almost immediately, you heard loud screams and swears coming from the door, looking past BUcky and watching as Steve took money from Tony while Natasha aggressively grabbed the fifty dollar bills from Clint and Sam.

“You just couldn’t wait till Christmas could you?” Sam yelled at Bucky before heading back inside and you couldn’t help but laugh at the happy and annoyed expression on everyone’s face.

“Good thing I listened to Wanda.”

[magmahurricane]

A decade of friends - in no order, here’s to all the amazing people in my life old and new!

@shinkumancer : I remember following your work waaay back in the Archie Comic days. I had always been too shy to approach you, but I loved your work. I still remember so much of your Egg Boss art and it’s insane how far you’ve come. You’re still one of the sweetest, kindest people I know and I always enjoy the little drawpile sessions we have! 

@zlatis-art : We haven’t been friends for very long - it’s roughly been a year, now, but it feels like we’ve been friends longer. Something just... clicked when we met, and god I came on strong looking back! I don’t regret it tho - taking the plunge and letting you into my life was such a good call. You’re super patient and you strive so hard to treat everyone fairly and give people so much love. You’ve come such a long way with both your OCs and your art, and our calls are always so much fun! 

@sege-h : Would you believe I actually don’t remember exactly how we met...? I know it had something to do with the Sonic RPC iirc. But you’ve always been such a wonderful source of optimism and joy, and I love our talks! You’ve always been so supportive of me and I don’t know how to thank you for it?? I need to draw Storm and Carey doing more shenannigans when I get better!

@rainingautumn : I also don’t recall how, other than vague recollections of the Sonic RPC I think. I feel like I learned so much from you - you’ve provided me with different perspectives, which really helped me open my eyes to a lot of things. You’ve always been such a warm, positive presence while still standing firm and speaking up for yourself, which is so hard to do. I love your little messages, even if I don’t always know how to respond to them!

@boy-of-silence : You’re legit one of my oldest friends around and looking back on where we started it’s honestly kind of insane? We met on dA and we were practically babies like??? It’s insane, I remember so much and it all blurs together like mad, but we’ve always just sorta stuck by each other and I’m always so happy to see you on my dash. You got me into Homestuck, and you made me curious about Bioshock (I still need to finish Infinite), and I still remember the little art collabs we used to do...! I got nothing but good memories!

@kismeti : We don’t talk much, but I’m hoping to change that soon! I love your work, and you’ve put so much into your OCs. Seeing you tweet about petsites makes me think about Neopets and I age 500 years every time,, You honestly seem so sweet and kind and I can’t wait to see what more you’re gonna share with us in the new year!

@fini-mun : I don’t talk with you as much as I should (purely because I’m shy as all get out) but you’ve honestly been such an inspiration to me. You’re so incredibly kind and patient -- I still have that doodle you sent me while I had been down in the dumps. I remember I found you so intimidating when I first met you on dA, when I first tried to commission you -- and watching you grow as an artist and getting to know you has been so great! You don’t know how much I smiled that night when I expressed how I knew nothing about BatIM and you up and streamed the entire game live. I know we were both excited to play FO76 together and that was a let down for like, the entire fandom. But we should definately hang sometime and do stuff! Give your ratties my love!!

@oddpastrys : JAAADE,,, I vaguely remember meeting you in one of Kaden’s streams,, and then in Joan’s weird campaign. You’ve always been such a fun, energetic person and you always bring the best jokes. Deadass, watching RWBY with you both ruined it and enhanced it. You’re so much fun to be around and you always work so hard to cheer everyone up and please everyone, and we don’t say thank you often enough - I don’t thank you often enough. You’re so sweet and fun to be around and I’m 100% not sorry about all the horrible, horrible things I’ve made you see. 

@calderscauldron : Kaden!!! You’re another one of my oldest friends, and it’ll never be wild to me how insanely lucky it was that I happened to move to the same state as you. I remember when we were dumb kids on dA, and how you used to joke about kidnapping me -- and how my first thought when getting to Texas was “I should see where this guy lives and meet up!” sjkfdjkfs It’s been a helluva ride and I don’t regret it. We had our bumps and fallouts but we’ve always worked through it all -- and your art has come such a long way. You’re always so sweet and so much fun to be around.  You deserve so many nice things and I can’t thank you enough for sticking by my dumb ass for so long!

@haunted-pixel : Yet another decade-old friendship! Bronwyn it’s been such a fucking wild ride. I still remember your old OCs from back in the day; I remember our gryphon friend group, and our lizard group and screaming about digimon, I remember getting really into Kimba/Jungle Emperor Leo cos of you and your OCs, I remember all the drawings of Z and Miki. I remember Nuki and the others. It’s been such a long time and so much has changed around us both. We don’t talk as much anymore but I’m always thrilled when we do hit eachother up on twitter!! I seriously gotta draw more Carey x Zanity sometime. You’ve also just, improved so much as an artist and branched out so much?? Your plushies and your fursuits are absolutely amazing and I can’t believe how far you’ve come! I also still have the sketches you and your sister did for me when I was technically homeless and stuck in the hospital and I’ll always treasure them - and the Nack you made for me is still sitting cozy on my shelf, along with the yeen and Sonic you sent!

@nuttyrabbit : My absolute best friend!!! And probably most unexpected friend! I remember seeing your posts in the Archie Sonic tag way back when, and how my asshole ex used to rant about how she hated you for w/e reason. I used to be so intimidated by you because you told it how it is, and I respected your opinion so I was always lowkey afraid you thought I was stupid and hated my ideas/OCs. But even before we got close, you stuck your neck out for me when things got bad between my ex and me. And in 2018, we finally just started to click with our OC stuff.  Lady Luck became a huge comfort dynamic for the both of us. You always argue against it but I still say you’re one of the kindest people I know. You always try to look out for me and find ways to lend a hand when things get tough, you’re always trying to help me when I’m down and you go out of your way to cheer me up and I can’t thank you enough. Meeting you at RTX this year was incredible.  Thank you so much for being you. <3 

@finitevus : We don’t talk much but I can’t not add you!!! You’ve been so kind and supportive to me, and artistically you’ve always been such a big inspiration. I love your character designs and your writing is so so good, and you always strive to be so positive and warm to others and I promise I’m not ignoring you when you reach out; I’m just very shy and dumb ankjdjkfs I need to,,, say hello on discord sometime. And draw you many things!

@lightdax : You’re always a whole lot of fun and I refuse to apologize for your eyes with half the shit you’ve been exposed to by proxy. You’ve always been really sweet and you’ve really been pushing to improve this past year and it shows! Take time off your mayoral duties for the town of Cuckoldia and put up your OC bios tho! @nvllspace : I,, gotta tag ur RP blog cos IDK ur personal but JACKKIIEE. You’re so sweet and fun and your art is always such a treat. You came through with helping me realize just how toxic a certain person I needed to cut out of my life was, and you’ve always been so kind and supportive. You’re always a blast in our calls and I love your AUs so much! Also you need to stop having so many gorgeous characters cos holy shit,,,

@frecklefacefromouterspace : Nixe!  You’re usually busy these days but whenever we do catch you it’s always fun. If it wasn’t for your old server, the current server wouldn’t have even existed and you brought us all together! You’re always so sweet and bubbly and you have one of the cutest, most distinct styles I know.

And to all my other mutuals - thank you all so much for sticking by me!  I’m having difficulty typing now so I’m sorry I couldn’t get to everyone but sincerely: thank you, all of you, for making these past years such an amazing ride. I’ve learned so much from each of you and I can’t wait to see what’s in store for 2020!

[i-jus-wanna-writehappy]

As Old As Time [3/?]

Pairing: teen!Richie Tozier x black!fem!Reader

Warnings: cursing

Author's Note: Howdy! Long time, huh? I apologize for my sudden hiatus, but I’m feeling a lot better now and will be posting regularly again (I hope). This had been sitting in my drafts 90% done for a while. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this piece and don't hesitate to give your plot suggestions! P.S. I one unicillion percent picture Robert Sheehan as older Richie, who you you see?

Tags: @thotyana-in-this-hoe @neeadinghugs

Masterlist Black Girl Insert Series

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3

* * * * * *

"And, that way, if you were to be alive when scientists turn us all into merpeople, we would already have thought up how to procreate, so we would be famous scientists and then you could spend all school afternoons with me instead of working." Richie finishes up as you make your way up the stairs to your door.

Shaking your hand out of Richie's, you grab the open flap of his shirt before he can get any closer to the door, "Before we go in, I am warning you that my parents are tough. You will not be allowed upstairs, so please, while I'm grabbing new shoes and washing the grape soda from my legs, please cuss as little as you can and don't make any jokes about sleeping with me. Or my mom."

Richie nods and grabs the doorknob, "I think I know not to be a jackass in front of your parents, Y/N. They definitely wouldn't let me bang you after that." Before you can scold Richie, he's rolling his eyes, "I'm not completely stupid, Y/N, besides, parents love me. I'm gonna charm the shit out of your parents, and you're gonna owe me one hell of an apology."

Snorting, you push Richie's hand from the doorknob and insert your key, "Hey Mommy, hi Dad. I have to change into some running shoes. This is Richie, he walked me home." You're running up the stairs before your mother has made her way to the base of them.

"Are you the boy that was banging on my door this morning?" She asks with a harsh brow. Richie has heard myths of the wrath of a black mother, and if he's being completely honest, he's as excited as he is terrified. He is one of the chosen few to get the relationship talk. "Yes ma'am. Richie Tozier. I didn't mean to cause a disturbance, I just thought Y/N stood me up."

Lifting a brow, your mom gestures for Richie to follow her into the dining room, "Stood you up? Y/N didn't tell me she had a date." Richie takes a seat at the dining room table with your father, "Well, to be fair, I didn't exactly tell her it was a date. I was the one who was super vague, then I came over here all butt hurt. We went to the movies today though, and we're gonna meet some of my friends at the parade."

Your mom hums softly, amused with the chatty boy looking around her dining room. "Turkey or ham, Richie?" Richie takes a pause in looking at the pictures on the nearby shelf and adjusts his glasses, "Oh. Um, ham."

"What do you guys do at the parade?" Your dad asks, taking a bite from his own sandwich. Richie scoffs, "Nothing exciting. It's a shitty parade, but Y/N might like it. And I'll get to show her around town." Richie was a little nervous about your father, but despite your warning, both of your parents seem like a delight to him.

Richie's about to ask for embarrassing childhood stories when your mom puts a plate in front of him, hearty sandwich in tow. "Thanks." Richie says, nearly dumbfounded by what has to be the king of cold cut sandwiches.

Lifting the article, Richie takes a bite, groaning in approval, "This is so good. I gotta tell ya, I love my mom, and I thought I loved her sandwiches, but I'm afraid that the next time she gives me two slabs of bread with a slice of cheese and a sliver of meat, I will be obligated to tell her to kiss my ass."

You enter the dining room just at this moment, your mouth falling open. Time seems to move in slow motion while you wait for your mom to slap the taste out of both of you, but she just laughs and takes your dad's plate, "Tell her I'm happy to lend her the recipe."

Your sigh of relief gives you away and Richie points to his sandwich, "Y/N, your mom is the best cook. Have you had one of these sandwiches? They're fucking art." Richie still has most of his sandwich to go, so you sit beside him at the table, "You should taste her actual cooking."

As soon as you say it, a light bulb goes off in Richie's mind, "Yeah! Can I stay for dinner tonight?" He's speaking around a mouthful of sandwich, but the question is understandable. "I'd love to have you over for dinner Richie, but you need to ask your parents before I let you place responsibility for your life in my hands. I'll be happy to let you go home today and eat with us tomorrow. I'll take your plate and you and Y/N can go on to the parade."

Giving your mom and dad a quick kiss before you go, you try to leave before they can ask about your need for new shoes and socks. Just before you close the door, your mom calls for you and you're sure you're busted, but instead of questioning you, she laughs softly and moves where you can see her from the door, "Have fun on your date."

Richie hears and pokes his head back inside, "Thanks, Mrs. Y/L/N." He says, remembering the name doodled on your notebook. Richie closes the door behind the two of you and hops cheerfully down the stairs, "That went great! Hey, do you think your mom would care about cheating on your dad with a white dude, because, my dad -"

You cut him off before he can finish whatever silly thing he was about to say, "You told my parents this was a date?" For the briefest of moments, Richie looks embarrassed, but he uses the special Tozier method of getting himself in order quickly and shrugs a shoulder, "I told them that earlier was a date. They probably just took this as a date, which makes sense."

Scoffing, you step into the street and toss the basketball there to the other side of the street onto the sidewalk, "All of your friends are going to be there. That doesn't make sense." Richie retaliates by pulling a cigarette from his pocket, "Then it'll be a group date."

Now the two of you stand in a face off in the middle of the sidewalk, you brandishing your pen, and Richie with his cigarette dangling from the corner of his mouth as he lights it. "None of them will have dates." You point out, but Richie refuses to give up, "You will though. You're welcome."

Snorting, you break your little stand-off and continue walking, "We're all just going to be hanging out." You add dismissively. Richie gives a nod and a puff of smoke, "Definitely. We'll all be hanging out, on our date. Now, do you know where the parade is, or are you gonna wait a moment so I can take that precious hand of yours and lead you?"

"Or, you can actually move so I'm not the only one walking and we can get there on time." You stop, waiting for Richie to get beside you. Once he's by your side, Richie hold his hand out for yours, "You ready now?" Shaking your head with a soft snort, you put your hand in Richie’s, “Lead the way, Tozier.”

[franeridart]

Hey! So sorry if you already answered this but what application and tablet do you use??

I use Easy Paint Tool SAI and a pretty old wacom intuos tablet! Both questions are answred in my faq, actually~

Anon said:You. You awesome person. You are my new fav artist. 💘💘💘

AW thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:I love your art and the style, it’s all so cute and it might give me a heart attack

He c k let’s hope not! Thank you so so much!!! ;^;

Anon said:hey, can ya do more tokage, pls

Sure, I mean to draw more 1B in the future anyway~

Anon said:nori is soo adorable!! I love your art and seromina so much and seeing them combined makes me mega happy!!! I gotta ask though, how are sero and mina as parents and how do they handle nori’s quirk?

They’re disasters as parents but they try their best and are always having fun - Nori adores them! In their house not a minutes goes by without someone laughing, they’re all super loud and cheerful always~ neither of them has any problem dealing with Nori’s quirk, Sero has spent a whole lifetime learning how to deal with sticky stuff and tape and glue so he knows all the tricks to save clothes and furniture from accidental quirk usage and so on, while Mina’s own quirk makes it easy to counter any glue that might end on her - the main thing actually is that the quirk itself was a surprise! Since Nori looks a lot like Mina, both she and Sero had expected her to have acid like Mina so when she started gluing herself around in places and walking along walls and stuff it was a surprise (they had expected to have to deal with the house being constantly half destroyed by acid though, so glue is nothing compared to that haha)

Anon said:Heyy I saw your twitter account and was wondering if you could link some of those “fics about them boys sharing a bed..“ I’ve been following you for a while now and absolutely love your work (: I hope you don’t mind lol. I need more kiribaku in my life gahaha ❤️ thanks !!

I didn’t really bookmark any and most were old things I had read in the past and spent time rereading lately, but the newest one I read is this one - honestly though at this point 99% of the fics set in the dorms have them sharing a bed, you just need to open ao3 and scroll down less than a page to find stuff lol

Anon said:If you’re not an Adventure Time fan this ask will make no sense to you (so skip it), but when I saw your drawing of Katsuki with a guitar, I immediately thought he was singing some edgy Marceline song, like the teasing-aggressive “I wanna bury you in the ground / I wanna bury you with my sound” (which he actually says at some point I think XD) or the romantic and melancholic “Slow Dance with You” and Eijirou M-E-L-T-S.

Not an AT fan, but the concept is adorable so I’m keeping the ask anyway

Anon said:Do you think you might draw more of your fantasy AU children while you’re playing with you’re new pencil tool? It would be neat if you did! Regardless, I’m grateful for anything you draw!

Yup! Can’t promise when it’ll happen but I love the fantasy AU and I love childhood friends AU, so the chances of me going back on it are pretty high!

Anon said:Are you going to draw Mako and Taiyou again? They are so wonderful.

YAH that’s definitely in the near future plans! Thank you for liking them!!

Anon said:I just…I love all your art. It’s so amazing you’re awesome

THANK YOU SO MUCH !!!! ;^;

Anon said:Stavo scorrendo il tuo blog e ho notato che hai risposto ad una domanda in italiano? Ho seriamente pensato fossi inglese tutto questo tempo! Amo seriamente i tuoi disegni, i tuoi oc sono meravigliosi e non vedo l'ora di scoprire più di loro.

AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH grazie infinite omfg ;^; specialmente per i miei oc, è sempre incredibile per me sapere che alla gente piacciono abbastanza da volerli vedere di più ;^;

Anon said:Hewwo! I’m a huge fan of your artwork!! I was wondering if you have any time could you draw some more of those dorm room scenarios?

Anon I’m sorry but I need you to be more specific, which dorm room scenarios are you talking about? Most of my comics at this point are set in the dorms hahaha

Anon said:I just noticed that on every artwork you sign “do not repost” and I hate it.I don’t hate that you do it, but the fact you NEED to do it. Artists all over the Internet say to not repost their art but people still do it…I hope this will stop someday Sorry for my english btw

Yeah well, I guess as long as people keep on following and giving notes to reposters that’s not really gonna change is it orz

Anon said:You should draw Present Mic x Aizawa *awkward finger guns*

Hell I really should, shouldn’t I

Anon said:my god im gay for your kiribaku like they’re so good aibdjsbsknwnx and i love the interactions between the bakusquad ahh keep being awesome :)

HECK THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!

Anon said:Honestly, this might be an odd question I don’t know, but would you ever consider putting your art together in a art book to sell? Cause to be honest, there’s not a piece by you that I don’t adore and I’ve seen some artist do things like that before so I didn’t know if that was something you’d consider. Maybe like all your BNHA pieces or something?

It’s not like I never considered it? It’s more like I dunno how worth all the work to figure out how to make it/where to print it and then to actually make it would be compared to the interest people would have in buying something they can have for free on my blog? It’s just doodles after all haha

Anon said:Would you be willing to draw a little lavi (dgm) doodle for me? Anything tiny, I just love him and your art!!!

I’m not doing requests right now, sorry, but soon enough the new chapter is coming out so I might draw him around then!!! I always fall in a serious dgm mood around the time of the chapter release haha

Anon said:More abuse of the ask function: 1- I love your art and have been for months. On top of that, it often feels cathartic, which is amazing to me. 2- I love how balanced you can make KiriBaku. You even manage to make me appreciate that overrated attention hogger that is Bakugou, you can handle him so much better than the author, because your character dynamics make so much more sense!! 3- I always, ALWAYS find myself reading through all your tags. They’re awesome. Thank you for everything.//Avevo finito lo spazio nell'ask precedente, so I’d only like to add that aside from cutie-smoochy (“It’s not about whether you break” and “I don’t need you” might be my favorite, and for what’s worth, I remember writing something exactly like the latter in the past), you also make mu burst into laughter. Like, the comic where Katsuki is about to out Eijirou on his red hair, I am still rolling. Kiri’s giant mouth is seriously hysterical XD

Thank you for the compliments!! I’m glad I can make you like a character and a relationship you’re not much of a fan of in the actual manga? ? ? Bakugou’s actually one of my favorite characters ever though so………. maybe……….don’t offend him and the way Horikoshi writes him while talking to me………….orz

Anon said:I am starved for Bakukamikiri stuff in this fandom……..But you got some good shit.

I’m!!! happy to be able to help there!!!! haha

Anon said:They mama Mitsuki art you drew 👏💯💖☺️💕👌 I love your art so much

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:Yessssss you have Twitter! It is boring at the beginning but then you’ll love it! I can’t wait to see you here and there! Now all my Bakushima favorite artist have one I can die of happiness!!

I’m!!!!!!!!!! Still trying to figure it out but!!!!!!!! For now it’s not that bad? Just!!! Very different from tumblr so I’ll need to get used to it first!!!!

Anon said:Omg do u shade jirous hair like its a heartbeat line? Dhdisbdisb thats so fuckibg good

THANK she actually has it in canon too, tho, so I can’t take credit for this!!!

Anon said:Im crying on how you draw kirishima’s soft hair

S O B I’m glad you like it!! ;^;

Anon said:Can I ask what your stance is on bakugo’s mom being abusive and sorry if you’ve answered this before

I love Mitsuki with my whole heart and while I don’t think she’s perfect I do think she’s loving and caring and trying her best and always looking out for what’s best for Bakugou 👍 no abuse anywhere, for me

Anon said:OMG I LOVE SEROMINA LOVE CHILD NORI

Thank you for liking her???? heck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:I wish I could use your art for my phone’s background ;^; You’re amazing! I love youuuuuuuuuu

No one’s stopping you from doing that, anon!!! Unless you don’t have a phone that allows you backgrounds, in which case ;-; thank you for liking my stuff that much tho!!

Anon said:Hey! I followed you way back when your main output was haikyuu!! comics and once you started putting out more bnha, i had to unf because i had no idea who everyone was rip. but now that ive finally had the chance to watch it i’m glad to come back and see how much you’ve improved!

HECK THANK YOU???? I’m glad you decided to come back????? oh man that’s super flattering !!!

Anon said:Yolo bakusquad bakubowl ?

I don’t really like the whole concept of [character]bowl, sorry!

Anon said:I absolutely adore your art style😍 every time I see your art it makes me happy:)

THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:Can you draw Hawks and Tokoyami together? You are rlly creative and amazing! So I believe you will produce sth. awesome!!!! (If you don’t want to draw Hawks, could you draw a Tokoyami fusion?)

I can draw that! I’m just waiting to know how tall Hawks is compared to him before doing that 👍 be patient pls relative heights are something I’m stupidly fussy about 

Anon said:Burn the whole world to ashes for you? R U serius?! You always killing me dude. I ascended to the heaven of soft things. I N C R E D I B L E. Im sorry for the break down, i was without tumblr 2 months and the firts thing i do is go to your profile. Keep doing this plis im trully love it 😭💖

mAN I’m so glad you liked that one this much, drawing the boys being unreasonably soft with each other is my fav thing to do tbh !!!

Anon said:Omg I can totally imagine Nori and bakushima’s daughter being friends!!!

THEY ARE !!!!!!!

Anon said:Your seromina is amazing!!! I love that ship I feel like it is so underrated! Thank you for this blessed image!! 😭

No prob!! thank you for liking it!!!!!!! I’ve been in such a seromina mood lately, I might actually draw more soon enough!!

Anon said:Omg imagine a Tetsuwase love child. Something tells me they’d be adorable and one rather angry child, considering who their fathers are

I can see them as being quiet and grumpy………. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Anon said:Hey just wanted to tell you I love your art. It’s so soft and beautiful. My dad doesn’t ship any characters from the series, but he does like the series and he thinks your art and style are really pleasing. We were talking about how nicely you shade and that the style is well developed and lovely to look at. Thanks for making such great art that makes me smile and giving me and my dad yet another thing to bond over.

YO THAT’S SUCH A COOL THING TO HEAR!!!! Thank you to both you and your dad for liking my stuff????? h e c k !!!!!

Anon said:Thanks to you I started reading haikyuu.

I hope you’re enjoying it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[pendragonfics]

Did I Hear You Say You Love Me?

Paring: Steve Harrington/Reader

Tags: female reader, inspired by this song, features past Steve Harrington/Nancy Wheeler, D&D, Stranger Things spoilers, dancing, fluff, cutesy. 

Summary: During the school holidays of 1983, Will Byers organizes a DND campaign at his house. Reader, his elder sister, is cooped up in the house while everyone else has dates or social lives. Will and his friends concoct a plan.

Word Count: 1,599

Current Date: 2018-02-11

Being the older twin, it’s hardly an achievement. Everyone looks to you to be the most mature, the one in charge when the adults aren’t around. You’d rather be the one who was born eighteen minutes later, to be honest. Except, Jonathan isn’t much better than you; he’s always acting like he’s Dad, trying to make everything get by in the Byers house. And while it sucks majorly to take care of everyone when Mom was out trying to make ends meet and save the day with Chief Hopper, it’s normal.

You, _______ Byers, are basically a Mom. Sans the kids. And childbirth.

And while that sucks majorly, it was that trait which was the saving grace that you used to whip your friends and brother to action when you saw that something was off about Will. If you were Nancy, Jonathan’s girlfriend, you’d be doing anything to not be the Mom. She’s seventeen, just like you, and while you’re making sure your kid brother’s friends don’t accidently burn down the house making Eggos, she’s got good grades and a legion of friends.

“We’re having a DND night next Tuesday,” Will says, sitting beside you on your bed. You can hear him despite the fact you’re listening to Cyndi Lauper through your little tape deck, and taking off your headphones, you place them upon the ears of your younger brother. “Girls Just Want to Have Fun?” He asks, humming to the tune. “This record is new, how’d you get it?”

You bite your lip. “Harrington. He said he picked up the wrong tape at the music store,” you look at the tape’s cover on the desk, and back to Will, “Don’t know how he confused it for The Eagles.”

Will laughed to himself. “He likes you,” he nudges you. You make a noise of denial. “I’ve seen it! He looked at you the same way Jonathan did when he saw Nancy at the Snowball.” Will says proudly.

“You’re just trying to get me to make a move,” you wave off his theory, clicking the tape deck to stop playing Cyndi. “So, what was it you said when you came in? You’re going to have your friends over to not play DND?”

He shakes his head. “No, we are. Our campaign has us –,”

You groan. “Okay, okay, I hear you. I’ll babysit for sure, if you don’t tell me all about it!” you attack Will with a bout of tickling. For a minute, it’s just like when you were kids, before Mom and Dad divorced, and everything wasn’t crazy wild. “Like, I have no idea what any of it means – why isn’t it the same as The Hobbit? I get The Hobbit.”

“Noo!” He cries. “Stop tickling!” Will laughs, pushing your hands from his armpits, eyes screwed up in laugher, filled with happy tears. “Thanks, _______. Jonathan can’t do it, because he’s taking Nancy to the drive-in to watch some sappy movie.”

You turn to Will, and add, “Just make sure your friends get rides here, okay? Jonathan’s gonna take the car, and there is no way I’m biking around town to gather your friends like the pied piper.”

Will laughs. “You’re weird.” As he goes to get off the bed, he adds, “But you won’t have to do that. Steve’s bringing everyone around, Dustin talked him into it.”

You make a face. “How did Dustin make King Steve do that? I mean, he barely knows him! I barely know him, and I don’t get rides around Hawkins in his fancy car,” you tell your brother.

Will shrugs. “Well, Steve’s nice now. And maybe you don’t get car rides, but he did kind of gave you a Cyndi Lauper tape,” he points out. The walkie-talkie on his side makes a crackling noise, and Will leaves to take the call.

You sit there on your bed, silent.  

-

School holidays are the worst. Not because you’re basically left to your own devices when your Mom is off canoodling with her ‘good friend’ Jim (you really want to pressure her into spilling that she likes Jim as more than a friend, but the last time you did that…it ended up with the other guy dying in the Hawkins National Laboratory). And because you’re honestly a big nerd who has no friends, you’re left mooching around the house like a loser, hanging out with your kid brother’s friends and re-reading those musty old love novels that lay around the house.

Tuesday comes around, and once again, your Mom has gotten a ride into town with Chief Hopper. Jonathan is dressed in his favourite band t-shirt and has taken Nancy out to see Flashdance. And Will’s friends are rolling around, and from the sound of the engine of the BMW, Steve’s coming in too.

You glance down at your outfit, suddenly self-conscious. Your baggy jeans and Jaws t-shirt aren’t exactly a ballgown, and your hair looks like a tumbleweed. But it’s too late to do anything about it, because Lucas and the others come through the front door. Mike is humming the Ghostbusters theme.

“Hi _______, wicked shirt!” Dustin says, beaming at you with his new teeth.

You nod. “Thanks, buddy.”

He nods to the porch, where Steve is walking up the stairs. “Is it okay if Steve stays over while we play? My Mom feels better knowing he’s around.” He looks over to the table where the game is set up, and clamours for a good seat. “Shotgun!”

As Steve walks through the door, you feel your breath go short. His hair is nice as always, and the bruises he got from Billy Hargrove that night at your place are finally fading into an ugly brown shade under his skin tone. But he’s still gorgeous, despite the all the scratches, the healing busted lip.

“Hey,” you greet, shoving your hands in your pockets.

“Hey, cool shirt,” he nods, looking to the kids as they muck around by the kitchen table. “Dustin’s Mom asked if I could hang around while they played, she’s a little on edge since she lost her cat, and Barb’s funeral.”

You nod, understanding. Mrs. Henderson was a great Mom; if your Mom had more time in the day, she’d surely be fast friends with her. Will comes into the room and gives El a hug as she walks through the door. “Ready to begin, Mage?”

Max rolls her eyes, taking a seat beside Lucas. El gives her shoulder a playful punch and sits beside Mike. “Ready, Cleric.”

You point behind you to the bedrooms, and call out, “I’ll just be listening to records, shout if you need anything,” you tell the kids. You look to Steve, “If you want to hang out here, it’ll be less boring.”

Your room is a bit of a mess, and realising this, you begin to shove the books into somewhat of a pile, the notepaper where you’ve been doodling cartoons of your favourite superheroes into a pile beneath your math textbook.

“So, what did you have in mind?” Steve asks you, looking at the posters that are in the process of peeling from the wall. Your David Bowie tour poster looks worse for wear, yet, he looks at it like it’s what hung the moon in the sky. “I brought some of my favourite tapes, if you wanted to listen.” From his jean jacket pockets, he produces three tapes, handing them to you.

“Sounds cool.” You nod, inspecting the art on them. “Stevie Wonder, U2, Ramones…these are decent tunes, Harrington.” You beam, turning to place Stevie in your tape deck. “You’ve got good taste.”

“Uh, thanks.” Steve sits on the edge of your bed, looking at your dogeared second-hand copy of Frankenstein. “When I was on my way over, one of the kids said something – I mean they’re probably messing with me or something –,”

You cross your arms, listening to the sweet opening to the first song. “Let me guess. They said that I was super into you.” You twirl your hair over a finger like some valley girl bimbo. “Like, down on my knees, begging God before bed to send me my very own Steve Harrington –,”

He shakes his head. “Mike said that he heard that Jonathan said to Nancy that he heard you talking about the new Cyndi Lauper album, and then Will said that you liked it, and…” he looks at his hands. “_______, ever since I met you in second grade, you’ve been the coolest person I ever met. And it only took me until now to realise that I liked you more than just a friend.”

You frown, just as Stevie Wonder sings the song Did I Hear You Say You Love Me. “Wait…this isn’t you using me as a rebound for my brother’s girlfriend,” you process aloud, “…you like me? Like Han and Leia?”

Steve nods, a blush covering his cheeks, and repeats, “Yeah, like Han and Leia.”

You giggle, and grabbing his hands, pull Steve up to dance around in your bedroom. “This might just be the best Tuesday in the world,” you tell him, dancing like a dork. “Because…I feel the same way, Harrington.”

As you pull him in to kiss, you don’t see the crowd of kids peering through the crack of the half-closed door, watching as you two adolescents finally got together. You don’t see Will beaming, you don’t see Max holding Lucas’ hand.

Your eyes are closed, and you’re close to Steve Harrington, listening to Stevie Wonder. And it is, for you, the best Tuesday in the world. Ever.

[aion-rsa]

Read an Exclusive Excerpt From Charlie Jane Anders’ YA Debut

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

We need hopeful, critical, and empathetic voices in speculative fiction now more than ever, and Charlie Jane Anders is one of the best. The io9 co-founder who has gone on to write Hugo-nominated speculative fiction novels All the Birds in the Sky and The City in the Middle of the Night, is coming out with her first young adult novel, and we couldn’t be more excited. The upcoming science fiction adventure is called Victories Greater Than Death, and it’s being billed as perfect for fans of Star Wars (us) and Doctor Who (also us). We’re honored to bring you an exclusive excerpt from the novel—but, first, the synopsis:

THE UNIVERSE IS CALLING—and time is running out. Tina has always known her destiny is outside the norm—after all, she is the human clone of the most brilliant alien commander in all the galaxies (even if the rest of the world is still deciding whether aliens exist). But she is tired of waiting for her life to begin. And then it does—and maybe Tina should have been more prepared. At least she has a crew around her that she can trust—and her best friend at her side. Now, they just have to save the world.

And now for the exclusive sneak peek…

1

I have a ball of starlight inside me. A globe, containing a billion bright  pinpricks. It’s always been there, since I was a baby—but lately I’ve been chewing up the inside of my own mouth waiting for it to burst out of me.  Sometimes I feel all these little suns whirling, like they’re getting ready to  emerge from the hollow of my collarbone.  My whole life has been leading up to this, and I can’t stand the waiting. 

I’m dangling by my waist from the side of the highway bridge. All the blood  rushes to my head as a sixteen-wheeler truck rushes past, so close that I  can feel the air disturbance and smell the fumes. The bridge quivers, and so does my heart. I feel like I’m going to pass out. 

“Anything?” asks Rachael Townsend, who’s holding my belt in her strong grip. 

“Nothing,” I gasp. 

“Maybe you’re not scared enough,” Rachael says. 

“I’m definitely scared enough. This . . . isn’t working.” 

Rachael helps me pull myself upward, back behind the rusted old railing. I collapse on the hot cement walkway, next to a graffiti tag with a picture of a snarling puma. 

“Okay.” Rachael smiles, sitting cross-legged on the walkway with her eyes looking wide and extra green in the midday sun. She’s dressed like a fourth-grader, as usual, in corduroy overalls and a long-sleeved stripy shirt.  

“So it’s not reacting to fear. Or adrenaline.” 

“And we know it’s not triggered by anger,” I say, “or it would have activated when Lauren Bose put dirt in Zuleikha Marshall’s new shoes. For sure.” 

“Is Lauren Bose still harassing Zuleikha Marshall? And the school is doing nothing?” Rachael shakes her head. “This is why I’m being homeschooled.” 

“Yeah. And yeah, the administration is both-sidesing the hell out of it. Makes me want to scream.” 

“Okay.” Rachael reaches into her backpack and pulls out a folder. “So I’ve  personally seen your rescue beacon light up on three separate occasions, and you’ve told me about four other times.” She shows me a chart, with beautiful handwriting and amazing doodles showing different versions of me with a bright blue-tinged glow coming from my sternum. Because Rachael is the greatest artist of all time. 

Each cartoon version of me is labeled with things like: 

1. Tina about to go to junior prom with Rob Langford  2. Tina right after cops broke up our flashmob outside the slumlord  offices  3. Tina finds out she flunked trig midterm 

“I got a D on that trig test,” I protest. “I did not flunk!” 

“So I don’t see a huge pattern,” Rachael says. “I mean, it’s supposed to turn on when you’re old enough for the aliens to come get you, right?” 

“They’re taking their sweet time.” I drag myself to my feet. “My mom keeps saying it might not happen until I turn eighteen, or even twenty-one. She just doesn’t want me to leave. As if it would be better for me to just stay trapped here forever.” 

Rachael stands up too, and we walk back toward her rust-colored old Dodge hatchback. She’s being quiet again, which . . . a lot of being friends with Rachael is learning to interpret her many flavors of silence. 

Like, there’s the “I’m mad at you and you won’t find out why for a week” silence. Or the “I’m figuring something out in my own head” silence. The most common is the “I need to be alone” silence, because Rachael has major hermit tendencies. But this silence is none of those, I’m pretty sure. 

We drive for a while, without even any music. I’m one-quarter wondering what’s up with Rachael, but three-quarters obsessing about my rescue beacon and why it won’t just spill all the stars already. 

At last, when we’re stopped at an intersection near the upscale mall and the tech campus, Rachael glances my way and says, “I wish I could go too. When the aliens come to collect you. I wish I could come along.” 

I just stare at her. I don’t even know what to say. 

“I know, I know.” Rachael raises her hands from the steering wheel.  

“It would be ridiculous, and I would be useless up there in space, and there would be creatures trying to kill us, and it’s your destiny, not mine. But still. I wish.” 

I want to tell Rachael that she’ll have a way better life down here on Earth. She’ll go to art school, find a new boyfriend to replace that loser Sven, publish tons of comics, and win awards. She’ll have adventures that don’t involve things like an alien murder team trying to kill her. She has plenty of reasons to stay. 

Unlike me. I don’t have any real friends at high school, since Rachael dropped out. And the only thing I have to look forward to here on Earth is more people talking down to me. More bullies and creepers at school. More feeling like a bottomless pit, crammed with garbage emotions. 

When Rachael drops me at my house, I just say, “I wish you could come too.” 

“Yeah.” She smiles and hands me the folder. “Here. You should have this. Maybe it’ll help.” 

She drives away. While I stare at a painstakingly annotated chart full of cartoon Tinas—each one bursting with pure dazzling light. 

A few hours later, Rachael and I are already chatting again: 

Chat log, Aug 19:  Trashstar [5:36 pm]: its gonna happen soon. i can tell. the beacon. it’s gonna light up.  Inkflinger [5:36 pm]: thats what u said last spring. and last winter. and five other times.  Trashstar [5:37 pm]: its different this time i swear  Trashstar [5:37 pm]: my mom is doing that thing again where she just stares at nothing  Inkflinger [5:38 pm]: oh man, i’m sorry  Inkflinger [5:38 pm]: what do u really think will happen when it lights up????  [Trashstar is typing]  [Trashstar is typing]  [Trashstar is typing]  Inkflinger [5:40 pm]: helloooo?!  Trashstar [5:40 pm]: i dont know  Trashstar [5:41 pm]: they didnt tell my mom much when they dropped me off  Trashstar [5:41 pm]: just . . . alien baby. massive legacy. evil murder team.  Inkflinger [5:41 pm]: i hope there’s a dragon that u get to ride on  Trashstar [5:41 pm]: like my own personal dragon  Inkflinger [5:41 pm]: ur personal dragon that u share with me  Trashstar [5:42 pm]: i’m pretty sure there will be at least a suit of armor  Trashstar [5:42 pm]: rocket boots!!!!  Trashstar [5:42 pm]: my theory is i’m the heir to a space casino  Inkflinger [5:42 pm]: u’ve had YEARS to think about this  Inkflinger [5:42 pm]: and space casino is the best u’ve come up with????  Trashstar [5:42 pm]: or maybe a wizard school  Inkflinger [5:43 pm]: its definitely either casino or wizard academy  Trashstar [5:43 pm]: pretty sure i’ve narrowed it down to those 2 options yea 

This beacon is a part of me, like my liver or kidneys. Except sometimes at night, a faint growl wakes me—and I feel like I have a pacemaker, or some other foreign object, jammed inside my chest. And then I remember that my body isn’t the same as literally everyone else’s. 

I fill our electric teakettle, with the switch jammed in the “on” position. And then I lean all the way over the side of my bed, so the steam is hitting the exact spot where the beacon is located. Mostly, the steam gets up in my nostrils and makes me choke. 

My mom hears the kettle squealing. “What are you doing in there?” She peels back the curtain that separates my “bedroom” from the rest of the apartment. “Stop messing around. This is ridiculous.” 

“It likes the steam! I can feel it reacting.” I cough and sputter. 

“It’s an interplanetary rescue beacon, not a pork bun.” My mom turns the kettle off. 

“I’m just so sick of ‘almost.’” I flop back onto my bed and bury my face in my knees. 

Lately, my mom spends her time either trying to hide her tears from me, or acting like I’m already gone. Last week, I caught her folding the same shirt for five minutes, just creasing and tucking over and over until it looked like a paper football. She’s started calling up friends she hasn’t seen in ages, signing herself up for adult education classes, working on ways to move on with her life without me. But then, she’ll blow off some social plan that she spent hours making, just so she can sit at home staring into a Public Radio mug full of Chablis. I want to comfort her, or reassure her, but I don’t know how. 

For all we know, the people who left me on Earth as a baby are all gone, and there’ll be nobody to answer the beacon when it does come to life. 

“You could just stay here on Earth and have an amazing life.” She stares at her refrigerator door, with all the old photos and the terrible artwork I did in fifth grade. “You’re already helping people down here,” she says with the full force of her midwestern Presbyterian earnestness. “All of the things that you do with the Lasagna Hats, everything you make happen . . . Nothing could ever make me prouder of you than I already am.” 

“Yeah.” I stare at the floor. I don’t know what to say. My mom knows I want this, more than anything, even though it’s going to destroy her. 

My mom sighs and drinks from her wine-mug. “Just promise me one thing.” 

“Sure. Whatever.” 

For once, we are actually looking at each other. Her red hair has wiry  streaks of gray, and her eyes have new lines around them. 

“When the beacon lights up, you have to run.” Her eyes blaze, out of nowhere, with an intensity I’ve almost never seen before. “Run as if armies were chasing you. Because I’ve told you, the moment your beacon activates, monsters from beyond our world will try to kill you. They won’t stop. Keep running, until you’re sure you’re being rescued for real. Promise me.” 

I kind of shrug it off, but my mom grabs my wrist. So I say, “Yeah, yeah. Of course. I promise. Jeez.” 

That night I wake up, and there’s someone next to my bed. 

All I can see at first is a pair of coal-black eyes, glinting in the moonlight filtered through the branches of the yew tree outside my tiny window. 

Then I make out his face. Pale, like a ghost. Grinning, like a serial killer. 

Something lights up in his hands. I glimpse a shiny metal tube with four wings on all sides, and an opening, full of bottomless darkness, aimed right at me. Somehow I know this is a weapon. 

He stands over me, huge as a mountain, blocking out everything else. Even if I had the strength to rise, I would still be a speck next to him. 

“I take no pleasure from killing you.” The giant speaks in a low purr. “Satisfaction, certainly. And an adrenaline rush. And oh yes, a sense of vindication. Your death will probably give me closure. But still, I feel sad that it came to this.” 

My skin is so cold, my hands are numb and my arms feel prickly. I can’t breathe. 

“I want you to know that I feel nothing but pity for your miserable state.” The huge figure raises the gun to my head. 

I scream until my throat hurts. 

The gun hisses. I’m about to be burned down to nothing. 

I’m so cold, I can’t stand this cold. 

The word “miserable” rings in my ears as I scream and brace myself for death. 

2 

The next thing I know, my mom is shaking me and yelling my name. “Tina!”  

My mom wraps my quilt tight around me. “Tina, are you okay? Talk to me.” 

I still can’t breathe. “He was here,” I wheeze. “He was right here. He wasn’t even human. He was about to kill me.” 

“Honey, it’s okay,” my mom says. “It’s okay. You’re safe. You’re here with  me, it’s only human beings ’round these parts. I promise.” 

“I’ve never been so scared in my life.” 

That sentence takes me several breaths to say, with all the shivering. The  quilt (with squares containing famous women who fought against oppression) helps a little. So does my mom, whispering reassurances in my ear. 

That wasn’t just a random hallucination, or a dream. It was a memory. A  memory of the person I used to be. Whoever that was. Don’t ask how, but I  just know this was a glimpse of her life. The rescue beacon whirs inside me. 

“I’m glad you saw that,” my mom says, “because I keep trying to tell you.  The moment that beacon activates, they’ll be coming. I only saw a glimpse,  and that was enough to make my skin crawl.” 

My stomach flutters. “Tell me again.” 

My mom hesitates, then nods. “I had just failed another infertility treatment, and they showed up at my apartment. They had a baby, with skin  the color of fresh-picked lavender, and big round eyes, and they said you  were a clone of someone who had just died, someone important. They  took some of my DNA and used it to make you look like my daughter, so  I could watch you until they were ready to come get you. They showed me  a hologram of the monsters that I needed to keep you hidden from, and it  was like seeing an army sent by death itself.” 

My mom leans on my quilted shoulder, like she’s about to start crying. 

Then she takes a deep breath instead. “Let’s do something fun tomorrow.  I have a day off. Worthington Garden Party?” 

“Wow. What? Really? We haven’t played Worthington Garden Party in  forever.” 

The beacon goes back to sleep behind my breastbone. 

“Oh! There’s that brand-new mall near the tech campus that we haven’t  even been to yet. I can wear my church-lady hat!” My mom laughs, and  rubs her hands together, and I can’t help smiling too. 

But after she leaves, I close my eyes again, and I still see the pale giant  leering at me. Raising that terrible gun. I feel frozen to the marrow, like I’ve  waded neck-deep into a lake on the bleakest day of winter. 

Worthington Garden Party is a game my mom and I invented, where we  go through the mall looking at things we could never afford to buy, and  we pretend that we’re planning a fancy garden party for the Worthingtons  (who don’t exist, just in case it wasn’t already obvious). 

My mom puts on her scariest hat, with the carnations and the pink ribbon, and I wear bright apricot capri pants. And we drive to the new shopping center, over on the rich side of town. 

The kitchen store has this red-chrome machine that turns fresh fruit into a decorative fountain, and you can program it to spray a few different patterns. “I don’t know,” my mom says, in a very serious voice. “The Worthingtons are quite particular about their juice formations. We wouldn’t want to have a fruit salute that lacks proper parabolas.” My mom says the words  “fruit salute” with a straight face. 

“Yes, yes,” I say. “I mean, the Worthingtons. How many times have they said they prefer their papaya juice to really soar? So many times.” 

My mom nods gravely. “Yes. The Worthingtons have strong opinions about properly aerodynamic papaya juice.” Over in the corner, the salesperson is hiding her giggles behind her hand. 

This is the mom I’ve been missing lately. The one who decided that she and I would treat everything like a grand ridiculous adventure, the two of us against the universe. Even when we went camping and set fire to our tent, and got ourselves menaced by beavers. (They were really terrifying. I swear.) 

“I always knew that you were going to be taken away from me,” my mom told me a while ago. “I thought about taking you off the grid, or trying to find people to train you in survival skills. But I decided it was better for you to have some good memories of your time as a human being. However long that lasts.” 

We keep moving through the mall, along marble floors that are so shiny, I see a murky ghost of myself reflected in them. We gaze upon shiny shoes, in a riot of colors, that cost nearly a month’s rent. These kid-leather saddle shoes, with peacock feather heads all around the sides, might be just the thing to help the Worthingtons launch the season. “Mundane,” my mother proclaims, squinting at them. “Frightfully mundane.” 

The only thing we actually buy is a basket of truffle fries, which we eat in the food court. They smell of rich oils and spices, but they taste like regular fries, just a little sweeter. 

My mom chatters about the book club she keeps missing, and I let myself breathe. It’s okay. Only humans ’round these parts. 

Then I look away for a second, and see the pale man, standing near the video game store. Watching us. His lip curls upward, and he pats the ugly gun attached to his dark tunic. 

When I look again, a second later, the pale man is gone. 

The next day at Clinton High, someone has posted a slut-shaming video about Samantha Kinnock, and it has a hundred likes already. Only thirty seconds long, just a close-up of Samantha’s ass in this pair of booty shorts that she decided to wear one weekend, with ugly messages popping up. I hear Lauren Bose and her other friends whisper about it in the hallway. 

It never stops. The cycle just keeps going and going. People only feel like their footing is secure when they can step on someone else’s head. 

Why would I even want to be human? 

I step into Lauren’s path and the rage settles onto me, like armor. 

“Leave Samantha alone.” 

I get tunnel vision, and my nerves are jangling, and Lauren’s dimply smirk gets under my skin—and the beacon wakes up. Something to add to Rachael’s chart of cartoon Tinas. 

This ball of light throbs and pounds against the wall of my chest like a trapped animal, pale glow showing through my hoodie. And I think, It’s happening, damn damn damn, I’ll finally be who I was meant to be. 

One of Lauren’s friends, maybe Kayla, sticks out her foot, and trips me. I fall face-first onto the tile floor, hard enough to scrape my palms. Everyone is laughing and chattering and aiming their phones. 

The beacon sputters. 

All at once, I’m not picking myself up off the hallway of Clinton High. I’m raising myself, painfully, off an opaque black surface made out of glass, or plastic. The floor quakes under my hands and knees—and all around me is nothing but darkness, peppered with tiny lights. 

Stars to my left, stars to my right, stars all around. 

I’m standing on top of a spaceship, in deep space. 

And my skin has turned purple. Not grape-soda purple, more like a pale, bluish purple that shimmers as it catches the starlight. I’m wearing a crimson suit, or some kind of uniform, with a river of lights on the left sleeve and a picture of a strange mask, like for an opera singer, on the right. My violet palms are cupped around a holographic message that I somehow know is telling me this spaceship is about to explode. 

“You mustn’t blame yourself,” says a voice like the rustling of dead leaves in the wind. “You were always doomed to fail.” The giant from my bedroom turns his depthless black eyes toward me. He’s wearing a bloodred sash across his long dark tunic. 

His face looks wrong, even besides the paleness and the big dark eye pools. I can’t figure it out at first, but then I realize: he’s too perfect. No flaws, no blemishes. The two sides of his face are exactly the same, like a mirror image. His dark hair is cropped short across his white scalp. 

“Marrant, even if you kill me, that doesn’t mean I’ve failed,” I hear myself say. “There are victories greater than death. I might not live to see justice done, but I can see it coming. Also, that sash makes you look like a third-rate CrudePink singer.” 

The giant—Marrant?—snarls and lunges forward, and his right hand holds the same weapon as in my vision from the other night. I’ve never even seen a regular gun up close, but at this range, I can tell this one will rip my entire body in half. 

The darkness in Marrant’s eyes makes me feel tiny, weak, a speck of nothing. 

Then reality comes crashing back. My skin is back to its usual shade of  pale cream. I’m standing there in the hallway, trembling, and the bell is ringing, and I’m about to be late for class. My legs won’t budge, no matter how hard I try to make them. 

3

Saturday morning, the sunlight invades my tiny curtained-off “bedroom” and wakes me from a clammy bad dream. Even awake, I keep remembering Marrant’s creepy voice—and I startle, as if I had more layers of nightmare to wake from. 

My phone is jittering with all the gossip from Waymaker fandom and random updates about some Clinton High drama that I barely noticed in the midst of my Marrant obsession . . . and then there’s a message from Rachael on the Lasagna Hats server. 

Monday Barker. It’s happening: disco party! Coming to pick you up at noon. 

The Lasagna Hats started as a backchannel group for Waymaker players—until the game had one gross update too many, and then we started just chatting about whatever. And somehow it turned into a place to organize pranks and disruptions against all of the world’s scuzziest creeps. 

I grab my backpack, dump out all my school stuff, and cram it full of noisemakers, glitter, and my mom’s old costume stuff. I’m already snapping out of my anxiety spiral. 

The back seat of Rachael’s car is covered with art supplies and sketchpads, and I can tell at a glance that she’s leveled up since I last saw her works in progress. As soon as I get in her car, Rachael chatters to me about Monday Barker—that online “personality” who says that girls are naturally bad at science and math, and women should never have gotten the vote. 

Then Rachael trails off, because she can tell I’m only half listening. 

“Okay,” she says. “What’s wrong with you?” I can barely find the words to tell her I’ve started having hallucinations about an alien serial killer. 

The artwork on Rachael’s back seat includes a hand-colored drawing of a zebra wearing a ruffly collar and velvet jacket, raising a sword and riding a narwhal across the clouds. Somehow this image gives me the courage to explain about Marrant. 

“Pretty sure these were actual memories from . . . before,” I say. “I think this means it’s going to light up soon.” 

“That’s great.” Rachael glances at my face. “Wait. Why isn’t that great?” 

“It is. Except . . . I’ve been waiting and dreaming for so long, and now it’s suddenly a real thing. And . . . what if there’s nothing out there but the evil murder team? What if all the friendly aliens are dead? Or don’t bother to show up?” 

“Huh.” She drives onto the highway and merges into traffic without slowing down. “I guess there’s only one way to find out.” 

I close my eyes, and remember that oily voice: You were always doomed to fail. 

“Maybe I can’t do this.” I suck in a deep breath through my teeth. “Maybe I’m just out of my league and I’m going to die. Maybe I’m just not strong enough.” 

Rachael glances at me again, and shrugs. “Maybe,” is all she says. 

She doesn’t talk again for ages. I think this is the “working something out in her own head” silence. 

We make a pit stop at a convenience store, and Rachael pauses in the parking lot. “Remember when you decked Walter Gough for calling me an orca in a smock?” (It wasn’t a smock, it was a nice chemise from Torrid, and Walter deserved worse.) “Remember the great lunch lady war, and that Frito pie costume you wore?” 

I nod. 

“The entire time I’ve known you, people have kept telling you to stop being such an obnoxious pain in the butt,” Rachael says with a gleam in her eye. “But here you are, preparing to put on a ridiculous costume and prank Monday Barker. This is who you are. So . . . if some alien murder team shows up to test you, I feel sorry for them.” 

Rachael smiles at me. Everything suddenly feels extremely heavy and lighter than air, at the same time. 

“Oh my god,” I say. “Can I hug you? I know you don’t always like to be touched, but—” 

Rachael nods, and I pull her into a bear hug. She smells of fancy soap and acetone, and her arms wrap around me super gently. 

Then she lets go of me, and I let go too, and we go to buy some extra-spicy chips and ultra-caffeinated sodas, the perfect fuel for confronting asshattery (ass-millinery?). I keep thinking of what Rachael just said, and a sugar rush spreads throughout my whole body. 

I feel like I almost forgot something massively important, but then my best friend was there to remind me. 

Monday Barker is scheduled to speak at the Lions Club in Islington, and we’re setting up at the park across the street. Bette and Turtle have a glitter mist machine and a big disco ball, and a dozen other people, mostly my age, have brought sparkly decorations. I wander around helping people to figure out the best place to set up, since this “disco party” was sort of my idea. 

“We got this,” says Turtle, buttoning their white suit jacket over a red shirt. “Why don’t you get yourself ready?” They’ve put pink streaks into their hair-swoosh. 

In other words, Stop trying to micromanage everyone. Message received. 

I retreat to Rachael’s car, where I rummage in my knapsack and put on a bright red spangly tuxedo shirt and a big fluffy pink skirt I stole from my mom, plus shoes covered with sequins. 

Rachael sets to work finishing some signs she was making, which are full of rainbows and stars and shiny Day-Glo paint. I pull out the tubes of glitter-goop I brought with me, and she lets me spread some around the edges using a popsicle stick. 

I coax Rachael into telling me about the comic she’s working on right now. “It’s about a group of animals living on a boat. They thought they were getting on Noah’s Ark, but the guy they thought was Noah skipped out on them, and now they’re just stuck on a boat in the middle of the ocean alone. There’s a pair of giraffes, and a poly triad of walruses. They have to teach themselves to sail, and maybe they’re going to become pirates who only steal fresh produce. Once I have enough of it, I might put it online.” 

“Hell yeah,” I say. “The world deserves to learn how excellent you are.” 

She just nods and keeps adding more sparkle. 

I wish the bullies hadn’t driven Rachael away from school. She just made too easy a target for ass-millinery: her parents are nudists, she’s a super-introvert who sometimes talks to herself when she gets stressed, and she wears loose rayon clothing to hide all her curves. 

The rich kids, whose parents worked at the tech campus, took her picture and used filters to make her look like an actual dog. Kids “accidentally” tripped her up as she walked into school, or shoved her in the girls’ room. One time, someone dumped a can of coffee grounds from the teacher’s lounge on her head. I tried to protect her, but I couldn’t be there all the time. 

So . . . homeschooling. And me never seeing Rachael during the week anymore. 

Soon there are about twenty of us across the street from the Lions Club, everybody feeding off everyone else’s energy and hoisting Rachael’s glorious awning. And a pro–Monday Barker crowd is already gathered across the street, on the front walk of this old one-story brick meeting hall with flaking paint on its wooden sign. 

A town car pulls up, and Monday Barker gets out, flanked by two beefy men in dark suits holding walkie-talkies. Monday Barker is about my mom’s age, with sideburns enclosing his round face, and a huge crown of upswept hair. He waves in a robotic motion, and his fans scream and freak out. 

Someone on our side fires up a big speaker on wheels, playing old disco music. The handful of cops between us and the Lions Club tense up, but we’re not trying to start anything. We’re just having an impromptu dance party. 

The brick wall of the savings and trust bank seems to shiver. I catch a glimpse of Marrant, the giant with the scary-perfect face and the sneering thin lips, staring at me. 

But I remember what I said to him in that vision: There are victories greater than death. I can see justice coming. And then I think about Rachael saying, If an alien murder team shows up, I feel sorry for them. 

The throbbing grows stronger . . . but Marrant is gone. The brick wall is just a wall again. 

The Monday Barker fans—mostly white boys with bad hair—are chanting something, but I can’t hear them over our music. Rachael and I look at each other and whoop. Someone starts the whole crowd singing along with that song about how we are family. I know, I know. But I get kind of choked up. 

We keep on, chanting disco lyrics and holding hands, until Monday Barker’s supporters vanish inside the Lions Club to listen to their idol explain why girls shouldn’t learn to read. Out here, on the disco side of the line, we all start high-fiving each other and jumping up and down. 

Afterward, we all head to the 23-Hour Coffee Bomb. Turtle, Bette, and the others all go inside the coffee place, but I pause out in the parking lot, with its scenic view of the wind-beaten sign for the Little Darlings strip club. Rachael sees me and hangs back too. 

“I started to get another one of those hallucinations.” I look down at the white gravel. “During the disco party. Snow-white serial killer, staring me down. And this time . . . I faced it. I didn’t get scared. And I could feel the star ball respond to that, like it was powering up.” 

“Hmm.” Rachael turns away from the door and looks at me. “Maybe that’s the key. That’s how you get the rescue beacon to switch on.” 

“You think?” 

“Yeah. Makes total sense. When you can confront that scary vision of your past life or whatever, then it proves you’re ready.” She comes closer and reaches out with one hand. “Okay. Let’s do it.” 

“What, now?” 

“Yeah. I want to be here to see this.” She grins. 

I swallow and shiver for a moment, then I clasp her hand and concentrate. Probably better to do this before I lose my nerve, right? 

I remember Marrant and his bottomless dark eyes, and the exploding spaceship, and that curdled blob of helplessness inside me. And I catch sight of him again, striding across the road with his death-cannon raised. The icy feeling grows from my core outward, and I clench my free hand into a fist. 

Then . . . I start to shake. I can actually see the dark tendrils gathering inside that gun barrel. Pure concentrated death. My heart pounds so loud I can’t even think straight. I couldn’t even help Rachael feel safe at Clinton High. How could I possibly be ready to face Marrant? 

“I can’t,” I choke out. “I can’t. I . . . I just can’t.” 

“Okay,” Rachael says. “Doesn’t have to be today, right? But I know you got this. Just think of disco and glitter and the look in Monday Barker’s eyes when he tried so damn hard not to notice us in all our finery.” 

She squeezes my hand tighter. I look down at the ridiculous skirt I’m still wearing. And I focus on the person I am in those visions—the person who can see justice coming, even on the brink of death. That’s who I’ve always wanted to be. 

I’m ready. I know I can do this. 

I growl in my throat, and feel a sympathetic thrumming from the top of my rib cage. 

The parking lot and the strip-club billboard melt away, and I’m once again standing on top of a spaceship, and my free hand is cupped around a warning that we’re about to blow up. The stars whirl around so fast that I get dizzy, and Marrant is aiming his weapon at point-blank range. 

But I can still feel Rachael’s hand wrapped around mine. 

I gather myself together, step forward, and smile. 

I can’t see what happens next, because a white light floods my eyes, so bright it burns. 

Rachael squeezes my hand tighter and says, “Holy bloody hell.” 

A million stars flow out of me, inside a globe the size of a tennis ball. I can only stand to look at them through my fingers, all of these red and blue and yellow lights whirling around, with clouds of gas and comets and pulsars. 

Way more stars than I’ve ever seen in the sky. 

All of my senses feel extra sharp: the burnt-tire smell of the coffee, the whoosh of traffic going past, the jangle of classic rock from inside the café, the tiny rocks under my feet. 

Everybody inside the coffee shop is staring and yelling. I catch Turtle’s eye, and they look freaked out. Rachael has her phone out and is taking as many pictures as she can. 

As soon as the ball leaves my body, it gets bigger, until I can see more of the individual stars. So many tiny hearts of light, I can’t even count. The sphere expands until I’m surrounded. Stars overhead, stars underfoot. This parking lot has become a planetarium. 

I can’t help laughing, yelling, swirling my hands through the star-trails. Feels like I’ve been waiting forever to bathe in this stardust. 

Used with permission from Tor Teen, an imprint of Tom Doherty Associates; a trade division of Macmillan Publishers. Copyright Charlie Jane Anders 2021. 

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Victories Greater Than Death will hit bookshelves on April 14th, 2021. You can find out more about Victories Greater Than Death, including how to pre-order, here.

As a kid, all I wanted was for aliens to show up and take me away from this planet. So I put that dream into a new YA book, #VictoriesGreaterThanDeath. Now there's a brand new pre-order page, with links to all the places! Pre-ordering is awesomely heroic!https://t.co/K9v5vUsiSV

— Charlie Jane Anders *Victories Greater than Death* (@charliejane) November 18, 2020

The post Read an Exclusive Excerpt From Charlie Jane Anders’ YA Debut appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3qk1QwT

[lairep]

Hello, everyone! (＠＾◡＾)

First of all, thank you so much for all the support and all the tags and (somehow) all the new follows. I’m honestly surprised you’re all still here, whoa. THANK YOU. WHY ARE YOU ALL SO WONDERFUL I DONT UNDERSTAND

I knoooow I’ve been gone longer than should have been allowed, but my life has basically fallen apart these past weeks and it is insane.

I sound completely blehh about it right now, but I’m honestly holding on to the last threads of my sanity. It’s come to the point where I sound/feel almost indifferent to the shitstorm that I’ve been going through lately.

(WARNING: depressing-ish long post below)--------

I have gone in the red financially, to the point that I’ve sold my beloved Cintiq (my drawing tablet, my child, my true love) to make it through the month and to have something to help my pregnant friend too. Sold my phone too, and I’m also selling my Xbox 360 as well. My 3DS will probably be next. i cry

My situation right now is a total reversal of how I was a few years ago---and the biggest reason?

I lent out my savings. There are at least 3 people who owe me about 2500-3000$ each and not one has paid me even a cent. I have none left in my account.

I sound bitter about that, and some people have told me I have every right to be, but it makes me feel doubly bad feeling that way. 2 of them are family and they needed the money for medical expenses, and I can see first-hand that they actually can’t afford to pay me yet so... yeah.

I feel guilty wanting my money back, I guess. It’s not like they spent it on useless things. Health is more important. I’d rather go broke having saved lives, than rich and stingy and watching people’s health deteriorate. It could be altruism or I could just be dumb af. Or altruistically dumb af. Whatever.

But my situation right now is the worst I’ve ever been in my life. I am forced to rely on my mother and I feel so bad. Everything makes me feel so bad lately.

I spent the majority of my tumblr absence working to pay for my study visa fees and my tuition, by the way. It’s a temporary side-job which I will be free from at the end of the month. Unfortunately, my earnings for this job isn’t enough to cover another thing in my life that requires some big bucks:

Eye surgery.

I am undergoing eye surgery this 23rd. I’m actually reluctant to think about it or mention it because I’ve never undergone surgery before and I am so nervous and scared. But I’ve mentioned it now so hello reality

I've started having eye problems since 2 years ago-ish (not counting my severe nearsightedness since childhood). It’s only become apparent that I’ve got scarring in my corneas and scratches in my sclera around early September. and now we’re pushing to fix the problem because it is uncomfortable and often gets so bad that I’m nearly blind even when I’m wearing my glasses. Also it stings. It’s like there’s something constantly in my eyes, scratching behind my eyelids and rubbing it makes it worse and it’s honestly just nightmarish ugh

So now I’m going to owe my mom close to 2100$ for my surgery. She says it’s a gift but under normal circumstances I could’ve afforded that so ksfjlkfdj;sdljkflgjk I SHOULDNT LOOK A GIFT HORSE IN THE MOUTH BUTD DKLGJDJK

So until I recover from the surgery, I probably won’t be around for even longer.

And until I get a new tablet, there won’t be any art either. I don’t have a phone to take shit pics of my doodles either. Fanfics cannot be written until my eyes accept the light of a computer screen (as an example of how bad it is, it’s taking me 6+ hours to write this post because it hurts to look at a screen for too long).

Sorry for all the bad news. I’d love to bear good news but there... really aren’t any. And I feel terrible not having updated because I know a lot of people are worried I’ve probably died or worse-----

BUT WORRY NOT. I am alive. I’m a survivor. I’m gonna make it. I'm not gonna stop. I’ll keep on surviving.

This update is just in case I die during surgery go blind after the surgery and never be able to get back online until tumblr braille becomes a thing (unless it already is).

All I can ask for is for everyone to take care of themselves and keep being cool and happy. And also probably some kind of luck to come my way for the remainder of the year. Maybe it’ll be the second season of ML. I don’t know. I just want one good thing in my life, guys. Just one. :c

I hope you’re all doing well. Please do well for me. I love you all. I miss you all. I MISS YOU STUPID CATSON CHAT Don’t be afraid to keep tagging me or @ mentioning me or messaging me, because it means I have something to look forward to when I finally get online for real!

HAVE A GREAT DAY! (*¯ ³¯*)♡

PS: Yes. all my previous posts were queue’d. Some of them didn’t have the lai’s q tag on I guess, bc xkit. :c Sorry if you thought I was ignoring you, I was actually really away.

[hartenstraat-matt]

Here for You || Matt & Blaine

Tagging: Matthew Davidson & Blaine Anderson When: May 27, 2018 Where: Matt’s house Notes: Matt and Blaine discuss everything that’s on Blaine’s mind.

Matt 

Things weren't right with Blaine, that much Matt knew  from their conversations. His friend hurt, a hurt he'd been through in the past though he tried to keep himself from ever reaching that level with anyone. It was too much to deal with. So Matt extended his home for a place Blaine could go to, that way he wasn't alone and thinking about things because those damn thoughts could make things worse. Besides, he wanted to hang out with the guy, too. Just like they talked about. James was on the floor coloring, Matt glad he laid out a big ass sheet of paper underneath him because that kid was going this way and that on the coloring book. A total masterpiece. They had dinner an hour before but Matt saved a plate for Blaine if he was hungry. James' bedtime wasn't too far from now but at least his friend could get some time in with his son, as James loves to meet new people.

Blaine 

Blaine sighed as he walked up to Matt's apartment door and knocked gently.  He'd just gotten done at the gym.  His bag was slung over his shoulder and his knuckles were slightly reddened by the force of the punches against the bag.  The workout had helped with his anger, but it still wan't helping with the hurt.  He ran fingers through damp locks of hair as he took a few deep breaths.  He knew it was obvious he was crumbling, but he didn't want it to affect his relationship with Matt.

Matt 

Matt groaned as he got to his feet, feeling like an old man at that point as he'd not worked in over a month and a half. That'll change soon, thank God, but still he needed to hit the gym in the near, near future. He went down the steps which led to the front door and opened the door wide. "Jesus. You're sweaty. Did you run here?" He joked and motioned for him to come in. "I was just thinking I need to head back to the gym." He told him with a grin, closing the door behind him.

Blaine 

“Gym showers not sweat,” Blaine said as he stepped inside, “figured I try to punch out some of my anger and instead I just made it worse I think.”  He dropped his bag on the floor and toes off his shoes, “I know a good gym, and I could always use a spotter.”

Matt 

"Didn't know you box. I used to back home." He looked down at Blaine's knuckles and recognized those tell-tale red markings. He took his hand, without asking, and peered over them. "Do you want some ice for this. It'll keep it from being too painful and to keep the swelling down." Matt heard his son run to the top of the stairs and he announced himself loudly. "HI!" he waved down at them. "I'm James!" Matt looked up at him and chuckled. "Better say hi or he'll keep introducing himself."

Blaine 

“Yeah I have since high school, now I do mixed martial arts.  It provides a better full body workout,” he smiled as the other took his hand but shook his head,”nah it should go down overnight.”   Blaine chuckled as James waved down at them and waved back, “hi James I’m blaine.”

Matt 

"Come draw!" He waved his hand enthusiastically, trying to bring Blaine up the stairs. "Gee. I wonder where he gets his enthusiasm from?" This came out in a playful way. "He'll be right there, buddy. Get your colors ready for him." Matt assured his kid and went back to Blaine. "If you change your mind about the ice, just let me know. I got some ibuprofen, too." Matt also had pain killers but he didn't want to announce that. Before they got going Matt went ahead and pulled Blaine into a hug, which probably caught him by surprise. "Figured you could use one of these." 

Blaine 

Blaine chuckled slightly as James waved his hand to get him to join him.  He nodded as Matt mentioned the ice and ibuprofen, “I’m good promise. It’s a good ache.”  He went to step forward as he felt the other man’s arms wrap around him, and he brought his arms up and paused a moment in the hug before pulling back, “that obvious I’m falling apart?”

Matt 

“That’s not my falling apart hug.” He said as he looked at Blaine, who broke the hug sooner than he expected. “That’s a I’m here for you hug.” He started to go up the stairs, but only had a foot on the first step as he turned to look at him. “I think if you were falling apart you probably wouldn’t have gone all Mike Tyson on a punching bag. You would have hit a wall or someone.” Matt thought of the time that happened to him but he didn’t stay on it long. “You hungry? I saved you a plate of food if you feel like eating.”

Blaine 

Blaine looked at Matt for a moment as he looked back at him, “I feel like I was rejected by the one person that has always understood me.  I didn’t want to force him into more cause that’s not the type of guy I am so when we talked we agreed it wasn’t working and I stepped back.  I didn’t expect something over a few short weeks would hurt me so badly, but all it really did was I think stir up old crap.”  He sighed and ran his hand through his hair, “food sounds good.”

Matt

"But it doesn't mean you're falling apart. You're still on your feet. You still went on a trip. You still went to the gym and made a bag your bitch, though it looks like it put up a good fight with how torn your knuckles are. "That rejection. That rejection sucks. It might be the type of thing which'll weigh on you for a long ass time. And it wasn't something over a few short weeks, man. It's something that's brewed for many, many years. That's why it hurts. This is something you've wanted and you didn't even get a chance to enjoy it when you had it."

Blaine 

“Sometimes I overdo, push through physical pain and keep going when I should stop,” he stopped as Matt spoke.  It was true he had felt something for Sam for a long time.  Sam was his go to when Kurt was not.  He could turn to him when things go rough so to know that the other felt something for him and wanted to pursue something, but then just gave it sucked hard. “I feel like he just gave up.”

Matt 

“Is that what hurts the most?” His son was calling him by “Dad” and he knew the boy was growing impatient. “That you were willing to see how things go but then as soon as they got started it ended?” Matt took another step up. “What do you think caused it to happen?” Then, “On our way, bud. Sit tight.” Not that that will work. He wouldn’t be surprised to see him at the top of the stairs again, which was blocked by a gate.

Blaine 

“I think so, it sounds horrible to say but I felt led on,” he shrugged, “and I know that was the furthest from Sam’s intentions.  He’s a touchy feely guy.  He doesn’t see wrong with cuddling with his friends, but I saw something very wrong with it.  Especially when it involved an aloe rub down.”

Matt 

“From what it sounds to me, and tell me I’m wrong, but what you wanted was to be given a chance and not to have to worry about the whole dating around aspect. Not so early on into this? Or maybe you rather have exclusivity?” Matt leaned against the railing and looked to him. “So. Let me ask this. If something were to happen between you and me will you want it to turn into something serious or to keep it casual?”

Blaine 

“I wanted definition, he didn’t want labels, but he wanted exclusivity, yet he didn’t want to behave in that way.  At least that’s how it felt.”  Blaine looked at the other, “I’m looking for a serious relationship, but it doesn’t have to start that way, as long as it’s defined.  Sam and I didn’t have any definition, because the night we finally sat down to figure it out, he broke up with me.”

Matt 

“I can see why this is hard to get over. It had too many confusing elements to start with but when the talk finally came at the end did you feel it was best to set the dating aspect aside and just go back to being friends? Or was that more to get the inevitable out of the way?”

Blaine 

"I agreed to what he wanted so that I wouldn't lose a friend," Blaine sighed, "I didn't see the point in fighting because I wouldn't win, he had his mind made up going into the conversation."  He licked over his lips, "I feel used."

Matt 

Matt sat with this for some time and sighed. “Let’s put this conversation on pause because I have a kid up there who wants attention and he’ll be hell to get to sleep.” Matt said as he took another step. “We’ll get back to this when we can lay around together.”

Blaine 

Blaine nodded and headed up the stairs.  He stepped over the gate and looked around, "James, bud show me what you're working on coloring okay?"

Matt 

Matt dropped to the floor and went ahead and listened to his son explain everything in his unique way. As much as he have this kid a hard time he loved him, which was clear with the way he asked questions and ruffled his hair. He even tried to draw something but when it didn’t live up to James’ standards he asked him how it could be better. “I’ll be back. Gonna warm up your food and take care of something.” He told Blaine, leaving them.

Blaine 

Blaine watched Matt's interactions with James.  It was clear the other was a natural father.  He picked up his own crayon and doodled a bit on some of the paper and when Matt got up he nodded and continued sitting on the floor with James, "hey little man can you show me how you drew that turtle again?"

Matt 

Matt placed the food in the microwave, which was spaghetti and meatballs with grilled zucchini and squash on the side because he wanted James to eat vegetables. He tossed a good sized hunk of garlic bread in the oven before he went to his bedroom to tidy, mostly moving toys to James’ room since they played and napped earlier. When Matt returned he dropped onto the sofa and watch Blaine and his kid draw together.

Blaine 

Blaine was sitting with James a while, listening to the preschooler talk on and on about his drawings.  They drew a few trucks, zoo animals, and a raptor.  He looked up as Matt walked back in, " care to join us in drawing the tyranosaurus or stegosaurus."

Matt 

“I think you guys have this.”He said, needing just a bit of Matt time. Plus he knew it was getting to the point to give James his bath and put him to bed. Which could turn into a disaster quick. After another ten minutes he said, “Okay. Time for your bath, little dude.” Before he could bolt Matt was on him and flung the kid over his shoulder. ”This can take awhile. Food is ready. Just have to get it out of the microwave and oven. Drink whatever you’re craving. I got a lot in the fridge.” Matt walked out with a not so pleased four year old protesting bath time.

Blaine 

Blaine nodded.  He continued to draw with the other and when the time came for bath, he couldn't help but chuckle as he walked into the kitchen to help himself to the meal the other had prepared.  He walked around the kitchen pulling silverware from the drawer and a glass from the cupboard before pouring himself a diet coke.  He grabbed his plate from the microwave and then grabbed the bread from the oven before sitting down at the table.

Matt 

As predicted it took awhile and when Matt emerged from the bedroom, shirt still wet and hair up in funny angles, he joined Blaine towards the end of his meal. “I made that from scratch.” He pointed out. “There’s a Dutch apple pie too if you want something sweet.” Matt went to the kitchen and pulled a beer from the fridge. He popped the top and took a long drink while he leaned against the counter. “You and James looked cute together.”

Blaine 

"It's really good, thank you," Blaine said as the other came into the kitchen and he nodded his head as the other mentioned the apple pie.  He sipped his soda and watched as the other drank from his beer, "I've never hid the fact I like kids.  I think I'm pretty good with them too."

Matt 

“If you ever want to play with him just let me know. I try to keep up but even I don’t have that type of energy anymore.” He swirled his beer around and said, “Don’t worry about the dishes. I’ll get to those later.” Matt took another pull from the cold beer and licked his lips to rid the wetness. “Want to hang in the living room or my room?”

Blaine 

"Sounds good," he smiled at the other, "No I'll clean up really quick."  He stood to rinse his cup and plate before setting them on the side of the sink and making sure the oven was off, "which do you prefer we hang out in?"

Matt 

Well, Matt wasn’t going to fit this and he finished his beer in the meantime. “Eh. Let’s go to the room. I want to lay down and we talked about us laying around while we chat.” He said as he set the empty to the side and went to his room, glad he cleared the toys. Matt kicked his shoes off and collapsed onto his bed, but he rebounded quickly and rolled to his side. “All aboard.” He joked.

Blaine 

Blaine nodded and followed the other into the bedroom laughing as he kicked off his own shoes and sat on the edge of the bed as well, "the only thing that makes that make any sense if this was a 1980s water bed."  He licked over his lips, "thanks for having me over."

Matt 

“If I had a water bed that fucker would’ve been popped the first night. James would find a way.” He joked and went to his back and laid his arm out, “Come here. Now I can hold you while you unload about what’s on your mind. I might not be able to offer much in advice but I’m gonna listen to whatever you want to say.”

Blaine 

Blaine sighed and curled into the other's side.  It felt nice to be held in someone's arms.  He let out a long deep breath, "I don't know I think I'm frustrated because I feel rejected and used.  I know that wasn't Sam's intent, but that's how I feel."

Matt 

Once Blaine laid next to him Matt used all his strength to pull him closer, practically rolling him onto his chest, but not completely. His other arm joined in and he held Blaine securely. Now he could see him while he spoke. “From what I gather from Sam I think you’re right. It wasn’t his intent. But intent or not it still left you with this gaping hole in your chest, right?” His hand smoothed up and down Blaine’s back. “What is it that you want? If you could make things right again with what happened between the two of you?”

Blaine 

Blaine took in a shuddery breath.  He really didn't want to cry, not while in the arms of this really hot guy who was being so kind and understanding of him and all of his flaws.  He closed his eyes as Matt asked what it was  that he wanted and he thought for a moment.  He let out another deep sigh, "I don't know, probably just for him to define what we were better.   He lead me to believe that he wanted me, but at the same time I don't think he wanted me in the same way."

Matt 

This was one Matt had to think over. “Maybe If has a lot to do when dating history. I only know of you and Kurt and when you guys met. Was Kurt you’re only serious relationship or did you have someone before? What about Sam? A lot of a person’s past carries into how they handle things and maybe there is something there to figure out or to help make sense so it can ease your mind a little?”

Blaine 

“Kurt has been my only serious relationship.  I haven’t really been wanting to date until now, and I want something serious again, I like having the closeness and dependability in someone, physical closeness as well.”  He sighed, “Sam dated girls mostly, there was Mercedes and she and he were close to the same level as Sam and I but as far as how serious he got with anyone between her and Quinn I don’t know.”  He nodded, “at this point I don’t think knowing anything like that would help.”

Matt 

“How can it not? Your relationship experience is different from his. He dated girls and from you said there were at least two. Was he friends with these girls?” Matt sighed. “I just want to make sure I’m giving the best advice I can. You guys have a lot of history I don’t know about and I was always taught to get both sides of a story. But know this. Just because I’m asking doesn’t mean I want you to feel your feelings aren’t justified.” 

Blaine 

“He dated women mostly, I only know about Quinn from Kurt and don’t know the extent of their relationship he lived with Mercedes awhile in college, and he dated one guy briefly in Ohio.”  Blaine licked over his lips, “I understand.”

Matt 

Matt took that in and said at last, “Just those three?” Not that that mattered and he didn’t know what to do with that information but what he did know was he had a friend next to him who was clearly not fine with how things went. Matt looked down at Blaine and brought a hand to run through his now dry curls. “Do you want me to go to the gym with you and spar? Get in a ring? Anything that’ll help unload some of this tension?”

Blaine 

“There were more, and he was always willing to label things then, so I don’t know what changed that.”  Blaine breathed out a bit as he felt Matt’s fingers run through his hair, “that’s up to you, I don’t really want to burden anyone with my tension.”

Matt 

“Well...” his fingers continued to stroke through Blaine’s hair, going slow but also dipping his fingers in more so it would graze his scalp. “Maybe having all those others and them not working out could be a reason why he wanted to try something different. You’re also a best friend of his and that has to be treated a certain way, too.” His other hand smoothed down Blaine’s back and he rested it there. “Nah. I can handle it. I used to go to a ring when I was in Calgary. It helped with a lot of my anger.”

Blaine 

"I get that,"  Blaine sighed, "I guess what bothers me the most about this situation is how angry I am.  We agreed it wouldn't get weird, but now it is weird.  I feel threatened by Peter, which I know I shouldn't but I do because Sam has spent more time with him than me since that night they stayed together.  Idk the more I think about it the more I feel replaced."

Matt 

“Do you think that weirdness you’re feeling is something Sam feels, too? Because that might be way you haven’t spent as much time with him as before. As much as you guys are friends it’s hard to just ignore any type of tension that might’ve shifted the dynamic of a friendship.” He said, speaking soft and slow; just like his fingers as they messed with his black curls. “How often does what happened get brought up?”

Blaine 

"We text, but that's about it.  I haven't actually seen him since I got back from Germany.  I mentioned I want to have people over for dinner, but that hasn't happened yet.  I also told Quinn I thought she was rushing things with Derek, and I pretty much just don't want to deal with either of the situations right now, but I'm at the point where if I don't then I'm just going to explode."

Matt 

“What situation? I’m lost. Quinn came up out of the blue here. Is she mixed in with what’s happening with you and Sam or is that something else entirely?”

Blaine 

"Kinda it's weird, but basically I'm frustrated with Sam, and Quinn has been doing nothing but gushing about Derek and when she said she thinks she loves him I basically went all devil's advocate on her and said are you really sure?  I asked her a bunch of questions to think about and she just completely shut down on me.  I guess I'm just a cynic lately," Blaine shrugged

Matt 

“Why shouldn’t you be? Your crush didn’t pan out the way you thought it would and then there is someone who has things going the way you wanted it to be so it does leave you bitter. You also want to make sure she’s not getting into something she’ll later regret because she’s caught up in the puppy love stage. It’s only natural when it comes to friends. Hell, Kel and I married pretty quick and that marriage didn’t last.” Matt’s hand stilled in Blaine’s hair and his green eyes looked into his. “This cynicism won’t last. You’ll get back to how you were before everything happened with Sam. And your divorce as that has to have some remnants of pain there that’s subconsciously poking through into this.”

Blaine 

Blaine nodded and smiled at the other, "I'm glad someone sees that it's okay for me to be feeling this way, because I get the impression that I shouldn't because it was so short lived."  He looked down and then back up at the other as he felt the other's eyes on his as his hand stilled, "I know that won't last.  I just needed to work through things on my own and explain to him why I disappeared.  I don't hold anything against him really."  He nodded, "and you're probably right about my divorce playing into this a bit too."

Matt 

“So what if it was short lived. There are people out there who have a whirlwind romance during a weekend and it leaves a lasting impact. It’s just the way things go. You’ve been texting but why don’t you do something? Go bowl or play some games. Something that isn’t just sitting and staring at each other and feeling that weirdness. Get back to what made you guys best friends in the first place and that talk will make its way in. The apology. Because the more this carries on the way it is now, you will lose that spark with him and I know that’s not what you want.”

Blaine 

Blaine nodded, "Yeah that's definitely what I want to do."  He smiled at the other, "earlier you asked about what I would want if this turned into something?  Did you have something in mind?"

Matt 

Well. That was a question he didn’t expect and he chuckled, dropping his head back onto his pillow. “You already know I’m not ready for any sort of relationship but I’m a guy who doesn’t mind fooling around. As long as the person I’m with is cool with it. I feel like it’s been awhile since you’ve been kissed. Like really kissed and I know that makes me feel better when I’ve been having a shit day.”

Blaine 

"Sam kissed me," Blaine said softly, but the last time I was really kissed with that heart stopping, I need more, loss of breath type kiss was my ex husband."  He chewed his lip, "I've also never been one to try casual sex.  Yes I cheated on my ex with a guy I barely knew, but it was a one time indescretion and I never really did that since."

Matt 

Blaine mentioned his infidelity before and Matt nodded, keeping quiet. “This doesn’t have to lead to sex. Not tonight at least but if you want to just lay here and kiss and not worry about anything for awhile , I’m game.” His fingers went though Blaine’s hair again; his voice soft. “We can keep talking, too. I’ll just follow your lead.”

Blaine 

"Do you want to kiss me," Blaine asked, "like really kiss me for me, or just because you think that's what I need?"  He paused to collect his thoughts a moment, "because I know you want casual, but I fall easily are you sure you want to take that risk?"

Matt 

“If you think doing that will cause issues between us them it’s for the better to not do it, especially with things are right now. But to answer your question this is me wanting to kiss you, but it is also to make you feel good and clear your mind for awhile.”

Blaine 

BlAine looked at him, “I want you to kiss me when you’re ready and have to just because.  I don’t want our first kiss to be just to make me feel better.”

Matt 

"Are you okay me touching you at least or do you want me to stop?" He asked, thinking about what Blaine said about casual sex. Maybe it wasn't something that he could do, not like Matt was able to, but there was nothing wrong with that. He knew himself and went with what made him comfortable. And he respected the same for others.

Blaine 

“If I wanted you to stop I already would have asked you too,” Blaine said softly as he looked at the other, “I really like you.  We have fun together, and you’ve never led me to believe anything would happen without making sure we were on the same page.”

Matt 

"Very well." Matt said and even though he didn't ask he pulled on Blaine and brought him on top of his body, wrapping his arms around him better. The tingles which came on his left one told him his arm had fallen asleep while they laid around. "We do have fun together. And we talk. It's important to me to always have that line of communication going."

Blaine 

“Please don’t take this comparison as odd, but you and I have the same friendship I have with my ex.  Open, honest, dependable.  Sam and I usually have that too.”  Blaine nuzzled next to him.

Matt 

"I would say you described a dog but I don't know a whole lot dogs who are open and honest." He was glad Blaine didn't roll off him and Matt's large hands rested on either sides of Blaine's body. "If you want to stay the night you can. Have a type of sleepover. I can even get the cookies and put something on the TV in here."

Blaine 

Blaine nodded, “I don’t know if I’ll stay all night, but I will watch a movie or two before I leave.”  He sighed tiredly though.

Matt 

“Sounds good.” He said as he leaned forward and kissed Blaine’s forehead before rolling him off his body.  Matt moved to the side of the bed and got to his feet to grab the controllers, which he kept on the top of a shelve so James wouldn’t run off with them. He pressed a few buttons and turned the TV on, bringing Netflix to the screen. “Sorry about all the kid stuff. I watch more that than my own things.” He dropped back to the bed and tugged at Blaine to get next to him again.

Blaine 

Blaine sat up a bit against the pillows as Matt got up and got the remotes.  He smiled as the liner talked and shook his head, “why do you apologize?  I don’t mind.”  He scooted closer to the other, “I haven’t watched much of anything lately.”

Matt 

“Then we’ve got a whole lot to choose from.” He gave the remote to Blaine and brought his hand underneath the pillow to get comfortable. “Pick whatever you’re feeling. I’ll be good with it.” He could sit though just about anything . 

Blaine 

He nodded and took a few minutes to find a show they could watch and leaned back to relax. 

Matt 

As the show played, Matt pulled Blaine in and he slid down enough to be as comfortable as he. It was anything he’d seen before and it didn’t take long to get into the plot. He knew that in less than a few weeks I’ll struggle to keep awake while watching shows so he needed to get this in now. Matt’s fingers went up and down Blaine’s arm before he encouraged him to lay it across his stomach. “You glad you came by?” He asked after there was a small break in the show where he knew he could talk.

Blaine 

Blaine settled in with Matt.  He was surprised he was able to keep his eyes open and get into the show as Matt’s fingers went up and down his arm.  He nodded, “I am.  I’m happy I’ve met you too.  I’ve had a rough few days of my friends telling me things like “could the divorce be the issue” and “I don’t think other people would get this upset as you.”  I was even told I was being irrational, but I must be wrong with being angry.

Matt 

Matt looked from the TV to him. “Yeah. The divorce thing can follow you around like a bad smell. Things could have ended on okay terms but you still got this big D branded on you.” He would have made a joke there but it wasn’t the time. “People are gonna assume and ask and act like they know what has you behaving the way you do. It gets old.” He wished he could tell him how to go about this but he didn’t figure it out himself, which was another reason he wanted to be somewhere new. “Just do you, man. People will either come to you and want to know instead of assume or not.”

Blaine 

Blaine nodded, “some of those things were said by my ex husband.”  He licked over his lips, “I shouldn’t have to apologize for feeling wronged, but I guess I will just to move on.  Take one for the team so to speak.”

Matt

Matt's lips pressed together and he looked down at him confused. "Apologize for what exactly? For reacting to something you had a right to feel?" This didn't sound like a great course of action to him. "Or is this more to move on and get passed it all?"

Blaine 

“Move on get past it, pretty much say hey I’m sorry I was a jerk and acting weird let’s be friends still okay,” Blaine said, “not expect an apology in return and move on.”

Matt 

"Well." he said after Blaine said what he needed to say and he looked at him once again. "Don't apologize to me because you've done nothing that tells you to make one."

Blaine 

“Glad to hear it, although my so called friends think I have I guess,” he yawned, “how did you get through divorce you seem so leveled out.”

Matt 

“I had a therapist. After going through something terrible at work I started to see one and kept with them over the years. This is the longest I’ve gone without them and I can feel it eating at me. I know I have to get a new one soon.” He moved his hand and kept it against Blaine’s cheek. ��Trust me I say I know about this anger and how people don’t understand. I was lucky to go through an easy split with Kelly but it doesn’t mean it didn’t leave me feeling a certain way. It fucks with your confidence. How you see yourself and makes you think you might be undateable.”

Blaine 

“I’ve always struggled with anxiety since junior high.  I came out as gay freshman year of high school and when I asked another guy to the Sadie Hawkins dance we were both beaten senseless.  Then my struggles in my relationship with Kurt, and no matter how much I learn it’s still a struggle.”

Matt 

“Fuck.” He whispered at this and rolled to his side and pushed his arm underneath Blaine and wrapped his arms around him again. “But you still manage to do things you enjoy such as Hedwig and traveling. Life itself is a struggle, I don’t think there is ever a thing as easy sailing. Not for long but it just comes down to how you perceive things and what you learn. About people and yourself.”

Blaine 

Blaine nodded, “I do.  I spent awhile depressed over my divorce but then realized that I could still do things I wanted to do.  I came to visit Sam in Amsterdam, auditioned for Hedwig and the rest is really history.

Matt 

"Then lets try to focus on the good things, along with the shitty because you don't want to sweep that under the rug. But if you feel you need to do this apology thing to move past shit, then do it. But you can came to me if you need someone to vent to because I imagine that's gonna eat you up inside."

Blaine 

“Well I do feel kinda shitty for shutting him out, but at the same time I feel like he did me wrong, so it is what it is...,” blaine sighed.  “I think I’m most hurt because I know he didn’t mean too, but I feel like he broke my trust.” 

Matt 

“If that’s the case then it’ll take time for it to come back. It might take a bit for you guys to be back to good but just try to remember what made you guys friends in the first place all those years ago. Because all this time you’ve been missing your best friend too and that’s like losing a hand. And I know I’m the new guy in this mix but I don’t got that history like you and Sam have.”

Blaine 

Blaine just nodded and after a moment of silence whispered, “would you like to go on a date with me?  A real date, dinner, no interruptions and just see if we have connection you’re willing to possible settle down with?  I know you said you aren’t ready, but maybe you aren’t cause you haven’t found the one. You know?”(edited)

Matt 

Matt sat with the question, a hand went through Blaine's curls and he looked at him while he went into it a little more. "I think you're the first person to ask me out like that." he chuckled, fingering a dark curl and looked back to him. "Yeah. Lets go out. Though I don't know if there is such a thing as the one but I like to see how things will go."

Blaine 

“I know it probably seems odd me asking you, just now after pretty much turning down a kiss a bit ago, but you’re really the only person besides Sam that I feel connects with me on a deeper level, but you differ in that your not afraid to be blunt, and I like that.  I need someone like that in my life no matter if it hurts.  And a date to me doesn’t have to be a serious thing, I just want to know you even better.”

Matt 

"Yeah. It's a little odd but it's not like it's the weirdest thing to ever happen to me." He laid his hand against the back of Blaine's neck and smiled. "You just want to share this part of yourself with someone you know what chuck your heart into the trash. I get it." He then added, "You're right. I'll continue to be blunt and honest and it's good you know me well enough to see that this might not go past a date. Maybe a few. Though there is a chance this could be something else. Who the hell knows. But hey. It'll be fun, right?"

Blaine 

“It’ll be fun, I know that, and I do know you well enough,” Blaine licked over his lips and yawned, “I know you care.  I know you’re honest.  I know you’re blunt and I like that.  I like that I can be on the same page.”

Matt 

They hadn’t gotten that far into their show but he knew Blaine been going through a rough patch. “You sure you don’t want to stay the night? It’s not a far walk to your place but you don’t have to go anywhere.”

Blaine 

“I can stay,” Blaine said as he looked to his friend, “I sleep better with someone next to me, holdover from marriage I suppose.”

Matt 

“Then get up so we can get under the blankets. We’re not a couple of savages here.” He said as he moved off the bed. “I’ll be back. Need to check on James to make sure he’s asleep and not reading.” He caught his boy doing this a few nights ago. Before he left Matt said, if you want to borrow a shirt or sweats there are some in those drawers over there.”

Blaine 

Blaine nodded and smiled as he stood up.  While Matt went to check on James he pulled the covers back and then grabbed a tank and a pair of shorts from the drawers he had motioned to on his way out the door.  He laid back down when he was one changing and closed his eyes as he did so.

Matt 

Thankfully James was asleep and Matt returned to the room. He closed the door and went to undo his jeans and pushed them down, leaving him in his boxers and tee. Though that went off too and soon he was in bed with Blaine, only wearing his boxers. Matt didn’t settle until Blaine was wrapped tight in his arms, the glow from the TV enough for him to see him. “Are you comfortable?”

Blaine 

“Yeah I’m comfortable,” blaine smiled at the other.  He placed his hand on Matt’s bare stomach, “I probably needed this more than I realized.  Sometimes I just need to escape.”

Matt 

He knew Blaine told him to kiss only when he wanted to and not because he felt Blaine needed it, but hearing that Matt brought his lips to the corner of Blaine’s mouth and pressed a soft kiss there before he brought his head to rest on the pillow. “You probably did. Just relax and get some sleep. Who knows, tomorrow may be a brighter day.”

Blaine 

Blaine shivered as Matt kissed him.  He smiled when the other brought his head to rest on the pillow, “Thanks for listening.  I think tomorrow is going to be much brighter.”

[franeridart]

i love your art so much?? like the comics and stuff are fantastic and i'm sndhwahsjsbdjd about them

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you so much!!!! Oh my g o d s!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:Thank you for always providing us with such good soft kiribaku 😍 also, I’m obsessed with the Bakusquad in big comfy sweaters in that last comic! Omg they look so cute

!!!!!!!!!! I’m happy you liked them!!!!!! *O* big comfy sweaters are my weakness, honestly hahaha

Anon said:Hello! I adore your comics, they’re all so good I cri. There’s not a single comic you’ve made that I don’t like. They’re all just so cute and you always draw things I could see happening in canon. It’s like you understand every character so well and is able to draw them in character because of that, if you know what I mean?? And also your art is so pretty and unique I just!? I lov.

Anon said:I scream and cry *in a good way* very loudly everytime you update. So thank you.

You’re!!!!! so cute!!!! Oh my gods!!!!! Try not to scream if it’s too late tho haha

Anon said:Um… hello. I just wanted to say that i really love your BNHA and HQ stuff especially your Kiribaku. It has replenished my soul so thank you very much!

I’M GLAD YOU LIKE THEM!!!! Oh my gods!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( ˘ ³˘)♥

Anon said:Hi! I was wondering what your main account is! Have a nice day hon, love your work ❤️

Thank you!!!!! And it’s @franeridan !! :D

Anon said:lol on your recent post i read “*Denki voice* the only fast thing about those two is their speed during NIGHTS” and I thought ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) they be getting it in bed. but then i re-read it and was a bit disappointed lol

A n o n they’re not even dating yet!!!!! They don’t even know they wanna date each other yet!!!!! They’re two small slow turtles!!!!!! Two cute little baby snails still unaware of their very much romantic feels for each other!!!! Also nothing is ever n s f w on this blog anyway lol

Anon said:I LOVE HOW YOU DRAW KIRI YOUR KIRISHIMA IS TOOO CUTE

OH MY GODS THANK YOU!!!!!!!! I love drawing him and I’m g l a d I can make him at least a bit as cute and adorable as he is in canon!!!!!!!!

Anon said:OC’s?

If you’re asking if I have any, then they’re in my original art tag!!

Anon said:The only word I can find to fit that last comic is "mushy." Fran, they're tough boys, how can you make them so soft. (No complaints tho)

....................they’re soft boys anon, mushy babies, as soft as marshmallows, squishy and fluffy for each other (glad you like it hahaha)

Anon said:Dude, I want someone to look at me the way Kirishima is looking at Bakugou in that drawing

*whispers* it’s loooooooooooooveeeeeeeeeeeeeee~ I’m happy I managed to portray that right hahaha

Anon said:is bakugou singing all star or despacito

……………welp, I did say you’re free to imagine whatever you like best, so if that’s your pick go for it hahaha (but if you pick despacito may I suggest you go for Eddie Van Der Meer’s fingerstyle guitar cover cause honestly that’s A+++)

Anon said:Kirishima’s eyes in that newest drawing blow me away. I mean, the whole thing blows me away, but holy shit, those eyes.

;A; thank you so much oh my god !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (っ˘зʕ•̫͡•ʔ

Anon said:Fraaaaann I have a biiig problem, I either keep sending asks but forget what they were or I keep *think* about sending asks and forgst if I did or not??? So “wait, did I sent this???” Is what I think when I read %80 of your answersssss. Fran help meee my forgetful ass is gonna be the death of meeee ahhh

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wELP! I answer to nearly all asks so either you were the one to send it or not 99% it’ll be answered anyway! But if you really wanna know which are yours you could put a ✧ at the end of your asks, so that you’ll recognize them!!!! :D

Anon said:Asdfghjkll ohh you and your art are so lovely I’m dead I’m never gonna stop staring at that last bakushima. Baku with a guitar singing to Kiri would already have been enough AND THEN IT HAD TO LOOK THAT GOOD I WAS BLOWN AWAY the colors are so wonderful and the shadows and postures on both of them and the details on the whole thing and even their clothes AHHHHH it’s so good 20/10 highest quality I’m staring at it and zooming in at everything and just !!!! Bless you

*REALLY GROSS SOBBING* thank you so much oh my g o d !!!!!!!!!!! this ask means the world to me??? Holy heck???? (* ;A;) bless you

Anon said:Okay but the “K” around his neck as me cryin

You guys notice everything oh my god hahaha I’m glad tho!!!!! makes me weirdly super happy~

Anon said:I honestly love seeing you babble in your tags, it’s so precious and I look forward to it every time I see you’ve posted something :D

…………..h e c k  that’s such a cute thing to say I’m !!!!! (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄

Anon said:You: a quick doodle Me, and intellectual: a fucking masterpiece worth all my money ily kami-senpi

o h m y g o d you guys are out to kill me I swear (∗∕ ∕•̥̥̥̥∕ω∕•̥̥̥̥∕) (also you said Kami and I thought Kaminari and I just, yes, that’s good, I’m Kaminari, I’ll accept this title with 90% of all it entails l m a o)

Anon said:Lmao, I’m the franswers anon, let go with rice(cakes), anyways I’m sorry for the l existential dread about it, riipo

The dark secret I’m sure no one had realized yet following this blog is that I’m weak for puns and I can’t believe I hadn’t realized I could make one with my replies tag j f c shame on me

Anon said:Thanks to you i started to ship kaminari and sero so much, i have been writing some little fics cause they are so adorable, anyway thank you so mich for introducing me to this amazing ship💞

AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH you’re MOST welcome!!!!!!!! Thank you for providing more content for this super tiny ship!!!!! ( *¯ ³¯*)♡

Anon said:What are your feelings on bakumina because I love this pairing (I actually love the whole bakusquad as a big ot5)

I love them!!!! I also drew them, once! Definitely my fav het ship for Bakugou, they look super nice aesthetically next to each other and their personalities would mesh super well, too! Also I’m still of the opinion they should have a kid. Like. Just to have the kid with the strongest quirk ever. Like, if they feel like it. Just saying. 

Anon said:*WAVES HANDS FRANTICALLY* YES HELLO!!! I also ship serobaku!!!! Like so freaking hard!!!!!!!!!!! ASDFGHJK I’d die if you drew them bc they’re so rare!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SOON!!! LIKE, SUPER SOON!!!!! Cause I found out I’m not alone and that’s!!!!!!! Pumping me up a lot!!!!! I love that ship it deserves a lot more love

Anon said:I wish that some day… Class 1-b will have more screen time…

After this arc, probably? They’re having some classes with 1A, so they’ll be around more! Probably!! I can’t wait to know what Hiryuu’s quirk is actually about ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Anon said:Why isn’t Kamisero also called ElectricalTape? The second I post some kamisero, I think I’m going to tag it ElectricalTape somewhere…

They should be called that! I usually only go for names-combinations for the ships names (so kamisero and serokami and seronari and so on), but I’m sure if they were a bigger ship that would be the name! It’s not kamisero, but there’s a fic by @shizuumi151 in which they call themselves that, by the way~ (……….it’s honestly one of the fics I’ve read the most times in recent times so tbh if you feel like it you should check it out (σ･з･)σ )

[franeridart]

Hmmm.. what do you think about the monoma x shinsou ship??

It’s… possibly a good ship? I guess? I’ve seen it around a bit, but ngl I don’t really understand it haha

Anon said: when’s your birthday?

November 13th! It’s still pretty far~

Anon said:you say you like seeing the bakusquad taking care of babies hmmm? draw them maybe? OuO

I did haha

Anon said:Because of your art (you made me fall in love with Bakugou and Kirishima and Kaminari) I started BNHA and got my best friend into it. Now I can’t stop writing them and my friend and I have several AUs already.

This is the best kind of ask omfg !!!!! Glad I could get you into my disaster trio!!! …but also are you maybe gonna share like I’m starved for bakushimanari content a n o n

Anon said:Aw man i was gonna recomend that fic by newamsterdam to you. Like i finished reading it and thought you could like it since you like that other kuroo x teru fic (thanks to you and the anon for that btw) and it seemed your style? Im kinda sad i missed the chance (ok i know this whole ask sounds stupid)

Awwww don’t be sad anon, reccing me bakushima stuff is seriously hard because I might or might not go daily in the ao3 tag to read anything complete that’s been updated and I might or might not be following all fics regularly updating unless they have a character death/angst with no happy ending warning oops - thank you for thinking about me tho!!! That made me happy haha

Anon said:I pestered my friend until he watched (and fell in love with) bnha and now I’m pestering him to look at your blog because your art is top notch and every bnha fan should look at your art imo

Thank??? You???? Holy smokes !!!

Anon said:Aaaaaaa I really love your bakushima art its just so pure and wholesome and makes me really happy when I see it!! ;;u;;

B O I THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:The Uraraka and Bakugou fight!!! !!! !!! Probably my favourite fight in the tournament ahhh just the depth of character from both of them I’m ;; and the “Todoroki isn’t you” line ahhhhhhhhhhh

Haha well my fave is still the bakushima one ngl I’m weak for Bakugou actually having fun, but I feel this!! It’s a great fight and the anime did it so so well too!!!! Can’t wait for next episode tbh aahhhhhhh !!!

Anon said:With the latest chapter, I’m gonna assume Midnight ships the hard bros lmao. But honestly tho, she was me!! I love them!!! It was everything I hoped it to be, the graphics, the focus on their hands, the handshake, thE FREAKING SPARKLES!!!!

It was!!!!!!! Amazing!!!!!!!!!!!! And such a sweet surprise too, I thought I wouldn’t get to see it this episode and YET!!!!! I might have yelled hahaha

Anon said:“Three sets of eyes and still can’t see bakugou” 1000% accurate I’m crying

*wiggle eyebrows*  the pun was calling for me

Anon said:I FLIPPING LOVE YOUR ART SO FRICKING MUCH

AND I LOVE YOU ANON !!!!!!!!!

Anon said:Things that automatically make my day better: seeing a notification that says “franeridart has posted a photo”. I always give a little gasp and go “FRANNY!” Before immediately looking at the picture. Even the ones that aren’t for fandoms I’m in are so super cute!! So long story short I love you and your art k bye

Thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You’re so sweet oh my g o s h!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *O*

Anon said:Would it be possible to see any bokuroteru or bakushima art in your rb?

Anon said:The bakushima smooches would look great on a notebook/mug/etc !

I added the smooches!!!! And I mean to go through my bakushima stuff to see what else works!! As for the bokuroteru, is there anything specific you’d like to see? Nothing seems worth it tbh haha rip

Anon said:I just bought a bag and a t-shirt and this shirt will be worn at anime expo in July and I would looooooove it if some of YOYR matsuhana S made it into your shop because I would buy all of them

THANK YOU SO MUCH OH MY G O D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:M'cryin the way young Mirio looked was like a colonial American teen. Also holy shit the character development showing Tamaki’s anxiety and pessimism, and then Mirio being the super supportive friend he is and just ugh everything about this chapter was amazing

IT W AS I love it so much Amajiki’s such a good character honestly and his relationship with Mirio is!!! So good!!!! Also long haired Mirio might have been a nod to his liking rock music actually!! I love it!

Anon said:Do you ever wonder if Mirio is maybe too good and one of these days we’re gonna find out he’s actually a bad egg

…Nah. He’s not the only exceptionally good character after all, Deku, Uraraka and Kirishima are right there with him, and Toshi too! Pure characters are a Thing in bnha, which makes sense since they’re all heroes, it’s their job to be good haha

Anon said:Heeyyy so, I have this dream of owning a bookstore, and was wondering if I commissioned so e work, if you’d be ok with me displaying it in my store? Just you know… hypothetically speaking…

Well, as of now my commissions aren’t open so there’s that. But once I’ll open them then it’ll depend on what exactly you commission me to draw, I guess? I dunno! Once my commissions will be open you can contact me off anon and we can talk about it one on one~

Anon said:What do you think of platonic Tokoyami x Tsuyu dynamic? They work so well together! I think they could be good friends! Also do you ship Tokoyami and Shouji? They earned a place in my heart since the training camp!

I love!!!! TokoTsuyu!!!!! Holy heck!!!! I’ve drawn them together a couple of times, their exam together was really amazing I wish I could see more of them interacting! Also they were my first faves in bnha, so seeing them interact has always been like a treat to me haha also yes to ShoujiYami!! Drew that once as well, they’re so cute~ smallest boy x tallest boy, what a good couple !!

Anon said:Have you ever thought about Tetsutetsu x Kendou? I can’t stop thinking about it since the training camp, I love Kendou so much she’s so awesome and sweet, and Tetsutetsu is amazing and a true hero, and they have such a lovely dynamic!

MY MAIN TETSU SHIP !!!!!!! I drew them once too, I love them so so much they’d make such a good couple honestly I should draw them more

Anon said: I love your Hagakure hc you posted! She’s so lovely, I hope she learns how to make herself visible because I can’t imagine meeting people and knowing no one knows how you look like. She’s probably cool with her quirk now, after so many years, but I’m sure she must get upset sometimes…

My fave thing about Hagakure is that she sometimes acts as if she forgets no one can see her - not even in an angst way, like she complains about Mineta looking in their changing room or stuff like that, I can’t tell if she just genuinely forgets or if she’s so used to being invisible that for her is like being visible anyway???? Either way it’s gonna be fun if and when she’ll learn how to make herself visible! 

Anon said:This latest chapters have me shipping Kirideku a little~~~~ haha. Man, I love their interactions, they are so supporting of each other and so work well together. Its nice seeing Deku interact with someone who doesn’t expects anything of him and who is just a friend

Nah, there’s lotsa people who don’t expect anything from him, Deku’s friends love him a lot~ but yeah his interactions with Kiri are fun, most times it’s just Kiri getting excited and being overly energetic as usual and Deku going “ye-yeah!” with his uncertain face, it’s??? fun??? Seeing the members of the bakusquad interact on friendly terms with the dekusquad is always fun for me exactly for that, Deku’s friends are all so mild compared to Baku’s, you notice the squad’s energy even more like this haha

Anon said:(Waifu2x anon) *gasp!* I’m not worthy!!

You keep me in too high regards, anon haha

Anon said:fran!! i saw your art for todays chapter and promptly died all over again. ive fallen in mirio/amajiki hell and i dont wanna get out. ive also taken to using miriama as their ship name too?? so idk what else people use but!! i just need to scream at you how beautiful your art is and i would buy things from you if you ever opened a shop

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Since posting those doodles I’ve heard MiriAma MiriTama MiriMaki MiriJiki TogaAma and TogaJiki and I love??? All of them???? I don’t know which I’ll end up picking honestly I wonder what the main tag is atm haha is there even art for them? There should be t b h