#I’m going to start posting these ID cards on my blog when I use this plant identifier app now

[cartoonscientist]

this weird guy was growing from the grafting stock of my Thai lime! note the aesthetic thorns. I’m going to propagate it and grow my own bitter, fuzzy, tiny oranges, or at least sell it as a rare cutting.

[luneski]

oh my goodness i was so excited to start this blog. this first post is going to be talking about how to be healthy, vitalize resources, and senshi’s job in delicious in dungeon!! well, i guess it isn’t a job, im not really sure bc i haven’t actually read the manga and i zone out while watching the show a lot. the wiki doesn’t say it’s his job but it’s how he knows a lot of people- through his vegetable trading!

so, why do i mention this? well he establishes why the vegetable trading and golems are so important, and that can be applied to real life too!! you can eat organic and healthily for cheap- you, yes you!! 🫵 do you know how useful online government resources can actually be? look up “every farmers market near me” or “is there a farmers market in (location) today” or something similar to those until you find something similar. chances are your local county or library page has a list of all the ones in your area. if not, add “reddit” to the end. no, i’m serious. reddit more than likely has a subreddit for your town, maybe even your neighborhood!

another thing you can do is look up “public community gardens in (location)” for your county, town, or even neighborhood. if you’re in an apartment complex you can ask if they have a community garden or know if they’re allowed in any of the nearby neighborhood gardens. you can also look up community gardens on google maps and contact those neighborhood officials, or once again just add “reddit” to that search bar and see what they say!

a lot of people don’t have access to organic food for a lot of reasons, mostly finances but also because of location. making connections and learning how to prepare food are some of the healthiest financial and social decisions you can make. talk to those people selling food on the side of the road, follow those ^ guides and even try to see if you can tour some local farms. get to know them, their story, why they work so hard and what they care about. (off topic, this is perfect timing- i’m watching episode 4 and senshi just said “Who’ll fix the golems if they fell apart?” this is exactly my point! this isn’t just good for us, we have a responsibility to ourself and our neighbor!) get cards and scan those qr codes, some people post deals and coupons on their websites/social media or send out notifications! they can get you connections with other people who grow/sell/make food too.

however, i know all too well even that isn’t an option for a lot of people, for a lot of reasons. so what ELSE can you do to eat healthy on a budget? (oh and here im at the first part where senshi uses his trading connections to talk to the orcs!! perfect!!) i’m down south so aldis if there’s one in your area, but ofc other discount stores near you work fine too. dollar general and trees sometimes have frozen vegetables and fruit. also, cook from homemade when you can! follow budgeting accounts on social media, look up walmart budgeting food tips online to see accounts who will show you tons of great recipes and exactly how much they cost. i’ve seen accounts with 50+ recipes all under 10$ that are pretty cheap. it’s best to make homemade if you can get organic, but try to get lessen the cost where you can like with cans. sure, organic apples are expensive, but how much are organic canned apples or even organic frozen peas? most of these tips ARE for america so as always be careful about how “organic” canned things and other preserved foods actually are in grocery stores. honestly id personally trust something frozen over canned in america to be organic but that’s up to you, im not a professional. either of these options are great anyways, because they’re perfect for crock pot meals, and crock pot meals will SAVE YOUR LIFE! but i’ll change your life with crock pot meals some other time. just know that meal prepping and being able to just buy ingredients instead of premade meals is a lot cheaper (for me at the very least, i’m sure there can be exceptions!) and i promise there are tricks to make it possible for your busy schedule!

also, see if you qualify for food stamps or other government assistance programs, and if not then see if any of the local colleges/neighborhoods/libraries do. most apartments and universities have a food drive at least at holidays! some churches do food drives too- if you’re not christian or you’re a minority, i’d warn caution as always.

autism blog post #1 tldr connections will get you far in life, and there are lots of ways to eat cheap but still be healthy. use the resources you’re given and don’t be afraid to make friends.

love, senshis #1 fan

[the-omi-one-for-asmo]

Hello!

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now i know this stuff is boring but it’s really important so read okay?

Rules!

1. I am a minor so think before you interact or use my stuff. If you are a blog that has minors do not interact.. don’t use stuff made by a minor that wants credit! Okay.? 2. Don’t use my stuff for videos or on accounts that promote/ingage in like.. bad stuff yk? Like joking about racism, homophobia, ableism all of the isms! And don’t use my stuff ESPECIALLY if you’re being serious about them! 3. Be nice yk? Like if you have a problem with me or what I do, please come up into my dms and talk respectfully alright. I’m incredibly sensitive and would prefer having a civil conversation about stuff instead of you vague posting about me or talking shit about me to your friends. Cool? If you don’t like me just block me!

About Credit

Yeah so.. if you use my stuff in tiktok videos, my @ is @/xx..ghosting, and if you use my stuff on Tumblr please just @ me! I don’t mind it. If you use stuff of mine in a lot of posts (ie dividers, userboxes) please tag me in like a credit section on your pinned post or add a link to the post where you found it! Any other questions can be sent to my inbox or dms.

Dni and Before you Interact!

Dni ; Other Asmodeus Simps(/gen). Nsfw/K1nk Blogs, Blogs with MDNI, Ed Blogs, Homophobes, Racists, Ableist, etc. People With main blogs centred around Dsmp, Hazbin Hotel, Or Homestuck. (I don’t care if you’re interested in it but if your main blogs are about them I’d prefer you to not interact since they’re rather upsetting médias for me) Before you Interact; I may not have Adults Dni but just.. be wary I am a minor. I struggle with telling tone so ToneTags are much appreciated, I’m a bit slow at times so if we’re having a conversation and I need you to reword.. uhm please don’t get angry I’m a little stupid. Oh and about the Asmodeus Simps Dni, I’m very heavily attached to him in the sense that I genuinely am in love with him and that’s a sensitive topic for me so other Asmo Simps just.. Block me or Dni!

‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

(under this cut is info about me, my blog, my main blog, master lists, and that type of stuffs.. these may also be edited so check back whenever!)

About Me!

Im Omi! But I also go by Ghost, Rook, Vino, and a few other names. I use He/Hunt pronouns, I’m Demifluid (alternatively known as Demigenderfluid), Neptunic, and AroaceFlux! I have juvenile arthritis (I’d prefer not to get into which specific type). Ah I’m very Open to making friends although I get anxious and aren’t good at responding all the time so send a dm and ask to be friends, if I ever don’t respond.. just send another message a bit later id either be busy with school or just forgot

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Now it’s time for the fun stuff! Such as what I’ll be posting and what my interests are!

What I’ll be Posting!

if it wasn’t obvious this account is dedicated to obey me, I’ll primarily be posting edits of chibi cards (ie; making them translucent) which will come one a week depending on the card. If what I’m working on is one of the brothers chibi cards where they have one for each sin it’ll take around a week, where as if it’s one where it doesn’t have any other sin types it’ll only take 1-2 days depending on how high my pain is. Other things I may post include - userboxes, dividers, moodboards based on cards, art, and rambles!

Interests!

As for obey me my favorite characters are Asmodeus and Leviathan! (Asmodeus in a romantic way and Leviathan in a i really want to be his friend way.) Other Fandoms I’m in include; Twisted Wonderland, Bungo Stray Dogs, Pokemon, And much much more.

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Alternative Blogs!

my main account is @omi-the-zombi which is where follows will come from, all of my other blogs are also on there so.. go check it out!

Master Lists!

at the moment I don’t have any master lists but when I start posting this will be updated so look out!

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The End!

Congrats! You made it to the end! Yippee! Have a star and a cookie! Good job for reading it all.! And for those who didn’t read it all.. that’s okay too just hopefully you read the rules, Dni, and credit stuff. Anyways have fun exploring my blog! Yeah!

[lavender-teardroplettes]

Babes, do you even go here? How long have you been on tumblr for? Because I’ve been here since like 2009 with the Homestuck fandom and I’ll tell you right now the “sjw” thing was around since before Covid. The ace and bi discourse? Educating people on why you shouldn't engage with nazism because it's never a joke? Yeah, tumblr is an escape for a lot of people, but it has also always been a space for education as well. Like....damn Strange Aeons just did a video on HIVLiving, that shit didn't just start. And, like….WOW did you out ourself as a bigot and a transphobic person. Wasn’t really gonna throw that around, but since WHEN is it a bad thing to care about social issues and talk about them? Fuck off with that. You're just sad you can't be openly terrible anymore. And, oh sweet summer child, a lot of us weird tumblr kids grew up and became more aware and for social justice- at least...yknow, those of us who practically lived here and are still clinging to Tumblr's life support like "DON'T DIE ON ME YET GRANDPA". We're all tired Queer adults here for the most part, you're in the wrong place sweety. /references for this whole paragraph

I’m getting off of an 9 hour understaffed shift, and, honestly, I’m tired of being nice so here we go. Even if you blocked me, I’m using this as a space to address the other anons/random blogs only made to shit on Lily that have been trying to drag out this situation for over a year:

First and foremost, LILY DIDNT DOX ANYONE. It was brought up, when taking about the situation in the server, that the person who used their google docs to make that post used a personal account. By who? I don't remember, honestly it doesn't matter and I'm not going to go try and backtrack through the server like an obsessed person to go check. If anything, that’s an example of THAT PERSON not practicing online internet safety and that’s on them because people were able to see that WELL BEFORE it was brought up. That’s not doxxing, at least not on Lily’s side. I actually suggest that person take the document down, not only because it’s an unnecessary document and because that information is just plain out there for people to see and has been over the past year. It was also brought up as an "Aha! Something tangible to use if we need to handle the sever internet stalking and harassment and DOXXING LILY THEMSELF FACED legally." Have you been harassed or stalked the way Lily is being right now? It's horrible, I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

Also, yeah, I know the ID system is flawed, but it's what we've got. We're not even the only ones who use this sort of system. Back when I worked as a moderator for an online glass shop when I was your age (bongs, pipes, etc), I had to go through all of our dms about orders and do the same sort of ID system because we were a small, run from home store that still had laws to obey. Anything that could be used to harm you should be blocked out, we only need an initial or first name at the least and your DOB. Nothing else. And they do get deleted after a period of time, we really don't need to keep that information on hand. If someone slips through, that's unfortunate, we'll try and correct it as best as we can, but that's on the other people for lying and breaking that trust. You don't have to join the server if that makes you uncomfortable, it's okay.

You say you’re “seeing Lily’s mistakes unfold”, but it’s honestly ironic how you’re not seeing how you’re coming off, which again, is bigoted and transphobic, on top of actually being the one acting like a child.

And on that note, oh my god, do you not fucking hear yourself here?

Like, first of all Lily does have credits listed on their card and in game, and honestly if you’re going to come after them for this then come after EVERYONE because not every dev is gonna credit someone for a small bit of help on coding if it’s not the majority of it. These are also INDIE developers, stop trying to hold them to the same standards as AAA gaming companies. Second of all,

who the fuck do you think you are? /gen

The devs DO mostly rp in private, it’s super fun to see the art that comes from it and if you don’t like it then TOO FUCKING BAD, you shouldn’t be gate keeping creators having fun with their yans and with others. Lily stopped listening to you because, at the end of the day, it’s their game. They can do what they want with it and if they wanna make a bunch of rps and aus then that’s NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, you don’t have to engage with it. How dare you, shame on you, most fandoms, including the yan vn fandom, engage in rp and au building. If you don't, that's fine, but you're not going to try and tell me it's okay to try and police others like you are. You really sound like you just don't know how to have fun, that's fucking SAD.

And what you've used as a hypothetical doesn't even count here? You're explaining stealing a character, not using a cool transition effect or way to manage variables and choices. And....oh noooo not cool little effects, whatever shall we do? It's almost like there's a guide book full of free code that you can pull from for renpy that most of the devs use together cuz actually coming up with you own code is really fucking hard, have you attempted to make a game before?

At this point, you don’t even sound like a concerned fan because you're being super fucking weird about Ellie and Sammy and you need to stop. Ezra is NOT the only character with siblings, Lily just hasn't drawn the rest of the casts family yet. Ezra is the main yan so his family comes first, Ellie isn't even in the game to avoid people being weird about her- and, technically, anything Ellie related , or the other LI's families, is for private au and fan self-insert purposes to help feel like they're fleshed out characters with real lives that can help inspire fans for their own fan content. If you're going to come after Lily for this, come for all the rest of the devs whose vn characters have families, or god forbid children of their own.

Sammy is intersex: have you actually met an intersex person? If the first thing you think of is a futa when you see an intersex body you need to stop that, you have issues and are the one being fetishy. Especially that gross blanket statement about Renpy- just because there's a niche in the vn community doesn't make every renpy game fetish content ohhhhhhh my goooooooodddddddddd.

AND AGAIN, it's an erotic horror vn, not a kink game. Are some characters kinky as part of their character? Yes, but that doesn't make it a kink game. Go play an actual kink/fetish focused vn and get back to me because omg you'd know the difference if you have.

I've also only ever seen Lily educate people on creators like Fooboo, who have ACTUAL problems, with proof spread through out the community, and I also do not have any kind words for them, but I keep it to the vent chat where it belongs unless it's something I need to address directly in the public space.

'the anon situation i was referring to were the leaked messages of qlp discussing the state of their tumblr inbox. in the screencaps they were talking about whether they should open them again and how to tell who an anon is by blocking them. the very same person also leaked screencaps of being a mod in their server which they had no right to do'

I'll reiterate: Two ex mods CAME TO LILY WITH THAT SCREENCAP and urged them to act on it. They came to them with something that looked so real, and actively encouraged Lily to not engage with Sushi and make a post instead of having time to look at things objectively. You should know this because Yaboi mentioned it in his reblog below. You have no idea what you're talking about, stop. Lily's also allowed to ask their mods or other people for input on how to handle a hard situation. Closing their inbox was a way to hopefully stop some of the harassment, but yall took to harassing other devs and now you're high jacking anyone who has anything nice to say about Lily. If they knew who was harassing them, they could have further handled this legally. There are two other people you need to be mad at in this situation, but most of us are still trying to move on from it and not point fingers any further. LIKE ADULTS.

And I will say this again, because you want to put words in my mouth: I of all people can realize that Lily made mistakes, I have NEVER said that they didn't do anything wrong, but they didn't do anything to deserve being harassed like this. It's been a YEAR almost, what more can they do aside from apologize more than they already have? They've already stopped engaging with SO MANY PEOPLE. I can help point out their faults as a friend while pointing out YOUR bigoted language and telling them that this is not what constructive criticism looks like, this is what being an asshole on the internet is like. You are the one sounding like a 14 year old throwing a hissy fit, and for what? It's clear you don't actually want to see Lily grow, you just want them to hurt while actively hurting those around them. I'm more than certain your actual end goal is to run them off the internet because SO MANY PEOPLE have told you and the other creeps trying to make this a thing that we don't care about what you have to say anymore because YOU NEVER ACTUALLY CARED IN THE FIRST PLACE. So many devs, including Yaboi in the reblogs that I see you've chosen to ignore, have debunked this bullshit SO MANY TIMES.

Enough is enough. Grow up and find something better to do with your time. You're not doing anything but being a bully and acting like a spoiled high schooler.

Oh, and go ahead and block me, you're doing me a favor. Go ahead and block RH, and STNAF while you're at it because their games were NOT made for you.

Edit: Also, how dare you try and speak for someone else’s journey in gender and sexuality expression while CLEARLY not knowing them personally. Fuck you.

Since I can’t send this as an ask I’m just gonna make a post lol.

@restartheartvn @queenlilithprime

I just wanted to let you know how much I enjoy your game and the characters you’ve created. I hate that some losers decided to take things too far and ruin the way the fandom on tumblr used to be. There is nothing wrong with you or your game and I really really appreciate how hard you’re working on it cause developing a game is something a lot of people could never do. I love the designs and unique personalities of all the characters and I can’t wait to see how your project grows in the future :)), I’m not able to support you with money since I’m struggling a bit myself but I’ll support in any other way I can cause I genuinely enjoy your game and from what I’ve seen of your personality through the way you interact with other creators and your fans, you seem like a genuinely sweet person and I really hope you’re doing better now mentally than before.

Keep taking care of yourself and try not to let anything some dumbass on the internet says get to you, you have an entire fanbase for your game as well as other devs who’ll always have your back <33

( ik this is super late and super cheesy but I felt like it needed to be said )

[blackwoolncrown]

Help an (ex???) S*x Worker

So, given that we got largely banned from this platform despite being very cool and smart, I’m not sure how many ppl know about what’s going on in the digital adult industry...

To be concise, every now and then credit card companies apply regulations to what can be sold via adult sites, often affecting what terms we can use. Usually this is generally a good thing as it limits the sale of problematic content- there’s more to say on this but I won’t bother here.

Anyway, Mastercard recently made some changes that also included how models/artists IDs are verified along with term requirements, and requirements on how the sites verify the content complies- the content now must be manually watched (albeit by AI) to make sure it is compliant.

This is industry wide, and has applied to every clip site, as well as slowed down the time from uploading to publish, but on one of these sites- arguably one of the 2 biggest, if not THE most high-traffic site- seems to be absolutely and catastrophically fumbling this transition.

Currently, their compliance efforts began around the 2nd week of October and since then I and many others on the site have not been able to make a single sale because our stores have been pulled entirely offline.

Why? Well, IWC has to put all content ‘In Review’ and either approve it and publish it again, or send it back to the artist to be corrected. When content is ‘In Review’ it is not published, and stores with under 5 published clips do not show up to buyers.

My stores have been offline now for about 3 weeks, and IWC says this issue will take ‘a few weeks’ to start resolving.

I do not currently make content as I left that in exchange for building other income streams and improving my life/mental health but that has largely only been possible due to the passive income I get from clip sales and a good ~80% or so of that was coming from IWC. Given that this could take up to a month or two more to resolve and it has already been happening, the financial fallout from this will be long and ‘considerably fucked’ to say the least.

Many of us are pretty badly screwed. I’m being optimistic and light with my speech here but please understand: this is pretty serious.

If you’re familiar with my blog you may know about all the work I’ve been doing to create a sustainable income for myself that works with my needs, and this sudden change is a hard blow at an extremely inopportune time after 2 years of this pandemic which has devoured my savings and left me in a tough position.

In the short term I am asking anyone who can comfortably do so to donate so that I can afford to live through this. Additionally, after Jan 1 2022 I probably won’t be able to as easily take donations due to the IRS changes. But here are my links:

p*yp*l.me/ellipsislux v**mo: awingedserpent c*sh**p: $moonseye

In the long term it would be very helpful if you could support my work/businesses:

Patreon to support me, my organizational work, ASMR, my recipes and writing as well as meditational videos

Onlyfans for QTBIPOC audiences where I post full meditations, pictures, and talk cultural/spiritual/sensual subjects

awingedserpent shop for intentional/cultural jewelry (like waist beads, earrings, bracelets and more)

and you can email me at iamthatwhich(at)gmail(dot)com to book live tarot, guided meditation, spiritual consultation and relaxational hypnosis sessions- see my site for more info.

Thanks for reading and have a peaceful week <3

[steve0discusses]

S5 Ep 3: Apdnarg is Really Hard to Spell

 Yo guys, people are getting vaccinated, the sun is parting through the clouds, and I felt so nice that I even stopped listening to quite so many throwback 00′s BTS mashups (and yet I keep clicking on these dissonant catastrophes thinking “this time it’s got to be better. This time they’ll figure it out.” and like, no. Turns out you can’t match Brittany’s Toxic with BTS’ Black Swan. You can’t do that.)

This must be a sign that things are getting better. If anything, it means my personal tastes are improving. I mean I only clicked on like 3 “Dark Academia” Playlists where I could pretend I’m some sort of spooky witch in an abandoned library with a bad music player and basic taste in classical music (like can we ban Satie from Youtube for a little while?). Hell, I might even do a prompt update to this blog!

Yeah, you heard me, I’m actually going to stay ahead of the update schedule for Yugioh Abridged (maybe. I haven’t actually watched cuz of spoilers, I just noticed the thumbnail pop up on Youtube and was like “Damn it, they came out of hiatus??? I got hurry UP.”)

Anyway, speaking of the sky parting.

I’ll have you know my bro said this is actually more like a circumcision and it was one of the worst thing I have ever heard.

We get a chance to take in this lineup of confusing and varied character designs, and Joey. who is...still Joey.

The animators probably had to hold a strike in order for them to put Yugi in the audience, lets be real. There are TOO MANY PEOPLE in this shot and one is wearing a turban where you draw every single wrap. I hope those artists charged by the line.

Tea has a subplot where she’s just very frustrated with everyone she knows. They have been traveling together for like many weeks and got trapped in a foreign country so I get it. But at the same time, it’s kind of hard to picture Tea with female friends.

Because right now you got this 12 year old child, the other duelist who does not care about anything besides cards, and Kaiba’s 3 dragon cards that we’ve all collectively decided are female.

Hell it’s almost like the writers are asking themselves why Tea is here. Maybe they forgot. There’s no more ghosts to bus, no more people to knock out with her ass with random Olympic feats. Tea’s just sidelining.

(read more under the cut)

Mokuba is a itty bit bit taller this season, and so I guess that means he can legally climb on top of the cherry picker in order to give a riveting speech.

Really says a lot about Mokuba that he is so unphased about talking to, I dunno...an entire planet of people. Kind of a shame we never see this courage from Mokuba used for anything other than talking really, really big and giving everyone around him a really hard time.

Mokuba takes a moment to dunk on Yugi Muto, as is Kaiba tradition.

And then introduce the first pair of duelists, which obviously must be between the few people in this tournament that we actually know and care about.

Thankfully, in between last episode and this episode, Yugi has figured out who his own Grandpa is. This is a relief, because Yugi is such a mess, that I was fully convinced it would take over half a season for him to recognize it. I mean how long did it take him to figure out he shares a body with a ghost? Like half a season?

Instead Yugi recovered gracefully from not recognizing his grandpa, but it’s not like he bothered to tell anyone else, so the rest of our cast is just gonna be like “Is he my hairdresser? The guy who delivers my mail? Who is this guy who made absolutely no significant changes to his outfit or voice?”

Like sometimes this show goes full Spongebob silly kid’s show and you never know when to take it seriously or not. They might be sacrificing the entire cast next episode. I really don’t know. But for now their big concern is who is grandpa??? Like an innocent card version of “Are you my Mother?”

Faced with public speaking, Yugi decides to have a melt down.

We have seen him face monsters, we’ve seen him on TV dozens of times, he’s been in multiple competitions...but give a speech? Of course he can’t do that. The kid doesn’t attend enough school to know how to do that. Them’s learning skills.

And that was when a newly assembled wife-jet spliced through the sky like a souped up razer scooter and deposited 1 fully equipped Seto Kaiba in a Buzz Lightyear jetsuit.

THE RECOVERY.

Seto always watching over his Brother, ready to save this awkward party if it kills him (and it really should, that suit is held together by two seat-belts), making sure to get on that platform before Yugi starts going off about how he’s half an Ancient Egyptian. (Ah, life before social media. You could just be hella famous and also half a dead dude and people would just not know. I kinda miss the time before I knew literally everything about everyone.)

Please admire how close those flames are to setting Mokuba’s heavily hairsprayed mane completely alight. It would be an unforgettable spectacle.

These were absolutely just random ass jet packs that Gozaburo Kaiba made to kill hell tons of people, right? Like Seto found it in the family cabin, clutched to the heart of some crispy fried corpse and was like “neat! Mokuba! I found a cool toy!” and just plucked that thing out of that skeleton’s clutches and has been flying around for months?

Like this is Seto Kaiba’s Butter Glider, right?

Seriously what type of vehicle license do you need for one of these things? RIP My ‘Seto only has a scooter license’ headcanon.

Which I’m only even thinking about because I’ve had to try and make an appt with the DMV for days to get a freakin REAL ID. I went to sleep in 2019 and I could fly on a plane. I woke up in 2021 and it’s like “Want one last screw you?” and just...can 2020 please stop screwing me over? It’s March.

Anyway, the Jet is removed soon after, so no, this is not part of his new outfit. He goes right back to his Post-S4-Trauma-Normcore.

After wrestling this competition out of his brother’s hands and confusing everyone in the audience, Roland must have gotten the memo to cut the microphone before Seto got too excited and we were quickly ushered on to the next stage of the tournament.

One sec...the BTS Mashup playlist I just clicked on did a Black Swan X 7 rings mashup and it’s the worst thing my ears have ever heard.

Holy crap. I had to actually turn down my volume. Like...Ariana Grande already has music that has way too many overlapping singing parts on it--and then lets just stick a 52-person boy band on top? That’ll fix it. Yeah. Go ahead.

Wow. Even I had to change the song and you know how much I enjoy pop culture mistakes.

Spot the Mickey but like a million times easier because it’s a Massive Dick Shaped Dragon.

Yep. That’s my grocery shopping outfit. Except maybe not a lab coat and a duel disk. Wish I had a duel disk, that would make social distancing just a hell ton earlier. Just a “Yo, only one person in checkout, please” and then bap them on the head with a propelled discuss/hologram.

Anyway, Grocery shopping/Doctor man dueled the Purple Hair Boy, and considering that Purple Hair got screen time and shook Yugi’s hand once--I think that Doctor man doesn’t stand a freakin chance.

Good. I hate him.

Also, every time he breathes he’s gonna fog up his glasses. I have experience in this area. He can’t read his own cards in the same way I can’t read my phone if I’m in the refrigerated aisle.

So the way this tournament works, is everyone has to sit in the stadium to watch the show. Kinda like showing up to a football stadium just to watch a recorded TV monitor...but then again...that is how it feels to watch a football game at a football stadium when it’s live (at least with the tickets I usually get.)

And as we watch Grandpa waiting for his competitor, we find out that his competitor (Joey) is too busy eating snacks to give him the time of day.

Why do cartoon hot dogs always have lettuce? Is that seriously supposed to be relish? Or is there a place in the world where you put lettuce on your hot dog?

Sorry, bro has just informed of his favorite hot dog order, which is absolutely terrible so I will share it with you: a Five Guys hot dog with ketchup, mustard, pickle relish, onions, mushrooms, pickled peppers, and you guessed it--topped with freakin lettuce.

My own kin. How am I over 30 and just finding out that my baby brother thinks it’s normal to walk into a restaurant with normal god-fearing law-abiding people and order lettuce and mushrooms on a hot dog?

I have fully failed him.

The rest of this episode is watching both Joey Wheeler and Mokuba have a shared panic attack while Seto does freakin nothing.

Please remember that Seto has both a jetpack and a dragon wife plane and could have easily solved this problem. But nah.

Then again, Seto Kaiba has given this crew so MANY rides, that maybe he’s tired of being the Soccer Mom for the team?

Like they don’t actually say this episode, but Seto was the one in charge of like...this entire place, do you think he made the 2 for 1 special just to get Joey where it hurts the most? Or does it actually not take any subterfuge to screw Joey Wheeler because he’s just naturally this way?

Like Mokuba wasn’t there when Joey was told “stay right here, and then we will all go together to fight Dartz” and Joey was like “I’mma save Mai from herself although she told me not to!” and then he Hella Died. But, Mokuba did see the result, AKA, Joey’s dead body being carried on the back of Tristan. Maybe Mokuba never realized that Joey died because he went out of his way to be late?

Lets do a tally of every time I can recall with my dodgy memory that Joey was threatened to be DQ’d/pretty much was DQ’d either by his own fault or no fault of his own

-When he wasn’t allowed to go on the boat to Murder Island because he was a stupid nobody kid who did not have a dueling glove

-When he wasn’t actually supposed to be in Pegasus’ tourney and was, in fact, secretly using half of Yugi’s entrance ticket the entire time

-when Bandit Keith stole the ticket that Joey got from Yugi so then Joey had to borrow Mai’s ticket although she had just used it so it really shouldn't have counted. Because, really anyone could have just piggy backed off of each other’s ticket until the whole boat went through that castle.

-When his account was hacked to get entered into Kaiba’s tourney when Kaiba very clearly told him he could not apply solely because he was Joey Wheeler.

-When he was late to his sister’s eye surgery because he got mugged by Marik’s Rare Hunters, so she almost refused to do the surgery.

-When Joey got possessed by Marik, and as Marik, threatened to murder everyone else in the tournament including both of the Kaiba brother’s who’s tournament it was, and then chained himself to Yugi Muto to throw both of them to the bottom of the ocean.

-I think there was a point when he threatened to attack Kaiba in Kaiba’s own tourney while not possessed? Like several times?

-when he got struck by Lightning and almost did not stand up fast enough after being struck by lightning, which is apparently a type of DQ in Duel Monsters.

-When he tried to save Mai from getting hit by a fireball, but then Yugi did it instead, and then so many people were standing on the dueling platform that Kaiba couldn’t possibly DQ them all.

-When he entered the restricted area of the blimp in order to hassle Kaiba into landing the Blimp, which Kaiba did not do.

-When Marik killed Joey before Joey could press the “go” button on his duel disk to play the card that should have won Joey the match.

-When he was dueling a lawyer in a digital universe but then the dice was like...weighted? So Noah had to walk over and be like “The hell is this weighted dice? This is my perfect digital world? How did you even do that?” and then Joey won because the match was no longer legit.

-When Joey yelled at Noah too much and so Noah turned Joey to stone for being a rude ass spectator

-When Mai was like “Wheeler and Valon, listen closely: do NOT murder each other” and then Joey did a murder on Valon so she was like “I guess I have no choice, I was very clear” and killed Joey straight up.

-When Joey decided to block Seto’s fireballs while Joey Wheeler WAS a playing card, somehow disrespecting both Dartz and Seto Kaiba at the same time.

-When Joey was playing cards but then got absorbed into a giant Leviathan and basically couldn’t play anymore after that.

-There’s probably hell ton of S0 stuff I just haven’t seen yet.

-This episode

And Joey runs fast for a montage of wacky things that really have no business being in a theme park. Things like this:

(remember when Bakura almost died from a rock that ended up being a balloon? It comes full circle.)

The stuff that the Kaiba brother’s think is normal and fun.

Anyway Joey fights off a bunch of hologram snakes and bats and everyone is like “Should we tell him it’s just holograms???” And it’s like wow, guys, how many times have these ‘holograms’ straight up murdered Joey Wheeler and everyone else on this cast? Too many? Because I have a google doc with so many deaths on it. 7,805,844,048, to be exact.

Anyway, he gets there with five seconds to spare and Mokuba’s like “well at least you were still entertaining while we filmed you in front of a live audience being a total spaz for 15 minutes straight, so I’ll let you go.”

Grandpa and Joey start playing, Joey completely oblivious that this is just an older Muto, while Hawkins walks up awkwardly and is like “hey guys. I’m so sorry about this.”

(welcome to my font choices, for those new here, I have to make weird font color choices to make sure it’s legible for the colorblind and also for the non-colorblind. This one is not much contrast, so I may change it up in the future, but for now, this is Grandpa Muto’s new font. I apologize to every graphic designer reading this. Please don’t tell anyone who has ever hired me for graphic design about this blog.)

What’s funny about this exchange is that after they find out that Yugi’s Grandpa is Apdnarg (HOLY my brain cannot get around the spelling for that, and I will not change it in the caps. I cannot do a ‘pdn’ ever again), they don’t stand on his side of the field or anything. Hawkins is legit Solomon Muto’s only fan during this exchange and like...damn. Way not to back your Grandpa, Yugi.

Yugi immediately strides up to Mokuba to non-confrontation-ally inform him that he has stepped over a line and Mokuba is like “what are these things you say called ‘lines?’”

According to Mokuba, Solomon Muto begged him to be in the competition so he could relive his glory days (glory days making no sense here, because the game has only been released for the past 15 years, so glory days is like...the before times that can only be referring to disgraced archeologists and Pegasus ((who is, in his own way...a disgraced archeologist, too))) and Mokuba was like

“You trained Yugi Muto, right? Hey that’s good enough for me. This drama is gold. People will eat it up. Hell yes. Don’t be afraid to abduct him a little bit. Maybe trap a couple people in a digital hellscape for a little while? Now we go by Pegasus house rules here, so fire as many lasers as you want, but just make sure not to hit anyone in the face. Oh man, we are going to be swimming in cash. Love it, Muto Sr, love it.”

But I dunno, I feel like Grandpa won’t make it past next episode. It is Joey. We kinda need him to make it past Ep 4 of the arc. If Grandpa Muto becomes the new Joey Wheeler, that will be a weird transition for this show to make.

But that’s all for today, as always, here is the link to read these in chrono order becuase there’s SO MANY that you don’t need to read backwards--don’t do it--just use the chrono tag (and I don’t know if you can add compound tags, but I did separate the Season from the Episode, so if you write S4, it should only pop up stuff from S4. I didn't’ do that to seasons 1-3 though because I just...didn’t.)

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

And because I brought it up: here it is, the best BTS Mashup that I found on my deep dive. Like legit--this one isn’t a mess:

Most of other ones are horrible in a fascinating way. Like I’m not even a BTS fan, I think I sort of age out of that metric, I’m just bored and quarantined. And lets be real, we all appreciate a good bop when we hear it.

[noeyeye]

Back to the job trail again! Thailand in 2020 and how I survive the discrimination?

So I took it long a while to stick with one place in 2020 after going back working from the south of my country (Thailand) where the hotel business used to be blooming in the past. I didn’t graduate with hotel tourism degree but I found it much likely to suit for my skills and personality. I remembered how I use to post a blog somewhere or in here about job applying past few years ago and now I’m back to this way again to just to find a happy and comfortable place to work and grown in my career.

Thailand is absolutely remembered by people the rest of the world to be a place that is very friendly for LGBTIQ community because there are lots of people like us here and living normally in the cities and towns. Sadly the reality is very different but takes long time to get better and more accepting for LGBT community and surprisingly not much the same of each community will gain more respect or acceptance in the sam level per year, compared to gay community, lesbian community, bi and pan sexual. Transgender community here is in the down low list after Queen or intersex and other gender like fluid gender or others.

Why? because in my opinion , if you were a gay person or lesbian, still some of you didn’t go change much in appearance, some just remains like the birth gender like gay man who dresses normally like a man or a lesbian who properly dresses like a normal woman. Unlike transgender people or other genders that got themselves into transitioning or changing or blending the gender as they express their identity and personality (very much complicated)

The point of how transgender people in general or who is like us like this will have a high chance to get rejected in some way when it comes to job application (unless you are super skilled and talented and unique so they will want you because your skills is high wanted as the physical isn’t the big issue to pay attention for HR or CEO or people who is involved in employee seeking). But it gets better nowadays in some country I understand. But if you count how many country that has rule to stop gender discrimination, it’s still in very few in the list. Of course, my country has some ACTS about it to protect us from discrimination but not much likely to be applied on every company as some do it low key to reject a job candidate. I was one of them who got rejected with one big organization in education in our country. Got me came and joined all interviews more than 3 times for example and asked me if I just dress like a man, cut my hair and only use the disability bathroom only etc. 

With other issue like the beginning of our name on ID card that got me no chance to change from MR to MS because actually it’s the big part I cannot apply for a job with specifically request like Female ONLY or some other thing etc. I can apply but you know that appears on my Identity Document is MR XXXX XXXXXX and that’s a struggle. 

Nowadays, lots of LGBTIQ movement here is still going but a little bit distracted by democratic protest FREE YOUTH in my country to give the pressure of the military government to leave the position and choose who people choose. So now in 2020, lots of democratic mobs are everywhere (Haha I joined them to because I really cannot stand the horrible team of government now). So now the Equality Marriage and Trans changing the title name act is now on the pause. Well I’m living in the time where we all new generation keeps on fighting for our future, LGBT is getting more accepting but still fighting and Trump or Kim Jung En whatever but back to my job trailing in 2020.

Still very challanging  to get a job in 2020 and pandemic but still keep trying, the world in 2020 in my country is way more open but now it’s condition for other genders and isn’t from Binary like male and female, is like that when you’re LGBTIQ, you have to have more talents to break the discriminating walls with other people, it’s not fair but that how we got accepted and respect and get a job. But I hope in future the society start to give us more opportunities for starting a career to live for our life and survive, beyond the discrimination, hatred and binary.

I just got to another interview today in my town after 2 months and 1 month serious on tour for interview, switching between Bangkok and outside the city. I think if any place will want me to work, they just got to accept my identity obviously. And I just think that never mind to get rejected by some place because that’s how we show their concept of their organization. I didn’t want to work in a toxic place with hatred either. So if they don’t want me, it’s okay’ If they want me, be appreciated and do my best and happy.

I just felt like I need to write this, so please don’t be offended for using this space to vent out as I would like to encourage other girls around here , I know we all have different struggles and problems but I will tell you this world isn’t fair but we can choose to be happy with our one life as possible, much or less. Keep on trying, I’m sure I will worth someway as I believe it too , I’m always trying :)

[jay-and-dean]

Same 3/4 Same names

By Roonyxx and Jay-and-dean

Pairings : AU Dean x reader, Dean x reader

Summary : Two Deans… What could go wrong ?

Serie Warnings : Smut, Angst, hurt (and jealous) Dean, hurt AU Dean, hurt reader… hurt everyone. Swearing, Alcohol. (15.13 kinda spoilers ?)

Wordcount : 3.3k

Note : This is a collaboration beetween both of us. We can’t both edit the same post, so we decided we would post 1 chapter/2 each. So if you want to read chapter 4, it will be edited on @roonyxx​ ‘s blog… TOMORROW.

We both worked as much on this story and it’s the result of both our brains but also both our hearts.

Please, if you want to show love for this story, don’t forget we were together in this.

Part 1 : Same eyes

Part 2 : Different hearts

Roonyxx Masterlist

Jay’s Masterlist

_________________________________

3. Same names

           Y/n was curled up on one of Dean’s comfy armchairs, holding her knees against herself, warming her hands around her cup of coffee. And she was just doing nothing. 

           At least she looked like she was doing nothing, because in her head, she was listing her faults. One by one, hurting herself with everything she could have done better, differently or not have done at all.  

           She had spent nights crying over the man she loved, as he was out with some girl named Lucy or Vicky or anything, was it that bad to finally find some comfort in a man’s arms ?

           Yes it was. Because that was not any man she slept with. 

           And as using her best friend’s double to satisfy her needs was not enough, she had hurt another Dean too. She could remember his face clearly, his voice when he said he loved her, and she was starting to understand why he knew her body even better than she did herself. How he kissed her and touched her… And thinking he knew everything about her made her shiver. 

“Can I come in ?” Dean’s voice echoed softly and she jumped a little.

She was so far in her thoughts that it took a second for her to come back and turn her tired eyes on him. 

His tall shape in the door frame was one of the thing she always loved the most, seeing him come to her, to say goodnight, to ask her if the researches were giving something, to offer something to eat… Whatever the reason was, everytime he appeared at the door like this, it was like the sun was coming through the clouds.

She was far from knowing how nervous it always made him. After all these years, he was still wondering if he would bother her, if she needed space or to be alone for a while ; if she was tired of the boorish men she lived with sometimes. He had never had a woman at home before (Lisa was different, it was her house, it was her life, and the whole situation couldn’t be compared), and a woman he loved like that...

He was wrong. He was wrong each time he thought she would rather him not showing up, he was wrong each time he persuaded himself that she was better without him… But he didn’t know she was just waiting for him most of the time, and so he was nervous.

That precise moment was way worse though. He was terrified. 

Terrified of his own feelings, of what he would find on her, a new hickey, a scratch mark… Because everything that reminded him that his other him had had her was like a stab in the guts. And he will see the mark of his elbow on her face. Hurting her was his worst nightmare. He was also terrified of what she was going to say; of what he was thinking so loud but never wanted to let it slip.

Don’t push her away, his alternate version had said. Do not let our own self wallowing bullshit stop from being with her. But Dean didn’t think of this as self wallowing, just truth, he wasn’t ready to understand how much she needed him yet. So he kept thinking he needed to be a better friend to her, apologize for his drunk behavior and hitting her accidentally. But not once he came close to convincing himself he should try to change their relationship to something romantic.  

He was damaged and all, dangerous and cursed. That’s how Dean Winchester pictured himself.

“This room is yours” she shrugged. “I can leave if you want.”

“Leave ? No !” he shook his head, coming in hesitantly. “I wanted to apologize.”

“Dean…” she started, not feeling like she deserved any apology.

But he came closer, sat on the edge of the other chair, turned to her, and didn’t let her speak.

“No, really. I… I acted like a dick” he looked down at his open palms. “I drank too much and… my behavior was…” he rubbed his face. “I was really rude and… hurtful. And I punched you.”

“You didn’t punch me, I came too close to your elbow” she smiled softly, trying to ease his obvious guilt. 

“No” he grunted. “I was being violent and I was drunk… There’s no excuse for that.” 

She tightened her grip around her coffee mug, what was her excuse ?

“You were hurt” she stated, hoping he would somehow explain why he was that hurt. 

“Yeah well, no reason to make you go through all this.”

The second he said he was indeed hurt, her heart sank a little lower in her belly. She knew it, just, hearing him admit she had caused him pain was barely bearable to her. 

           She bit her cheek and nodded, not finding her next words.

“I… I shouldn’t have talked to you like this, drank like an idiot and leave you and Sam with strangers” he continued. “And I shouldn’t have fought with him… especially if… you like him.”

“Like him ?” she half strangled on her coffee sip. “Dean… I think you misunderstood. We…”

The word we felt like a stab in Dean’s chest but he didn’t move a muscle, patiently waiting for her to break his heart.  

“We had both our reasons to… get intimate” she said with shame. “But that was one time, I’m not the woman he wants, and I don’t want more with him.”

“Sam is making them IDs and a giving them a credit card. They will leave, are you… disappointed ?” he dared asking though his teeth.

“No” she said sincerely, but the pain she felt for him since she knew his loss gave a sad tone to her answer. “I…” she started, her breath short in her lungs crushed with shame and guilt. “I would have gone crazy if you… or Sam… had slept with someone looking exactly like me. It’s your body. It’s…” she swallowed the tears, looking in the bottom of her mug. “It’s your intimacy.”

He sighed. She was right, he hates that, but not for the intimacy reasons... At least it was really not what was hurting that much. 

“It’s not that” he mumbled sincerely.

But when she lifted her wet eyes on him to encourage him to say more, he became silent again and she knew she could wait a lifetime, he would just not say another word about that.

“I’m so confused” she admitted. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Do you know… His girlfriend…” she started and he moved a little on his seat.

“That he was engaged to… the you from his world ? Yeah… Sam told me.”

“I’m so selfish” she slightly whined, playing with her mug. “He was so hurt Dean… If you had seen his eyes, he’s broken and…”

“And I punched him in the face…” he whispered, feeling actually bad for hurting the other him for the first time. “He… He talked a little to me. He is really…” 

He couldn’t finish his sentence. In love ? That was too painful to say. 

“I get why he did it…” he sighed. “It was kinda selfish of him, but why would you call yourself selfish ?”

She looked down, she couldn’t just tell him she had jumped on his double because she couldn’t resist an occasion to feel him, his lips on hers, his hands on her skin... to fulfil her deepest desires.

“He had… Something I wanted” she looked down, that sounded even worse.

“Oh ?“ he raised his eyebrows, having no idea what she was talking about.

Maybe she had a physical need, a kinky desire ? Maybe she just needed tenderness or to feel desired and beautiful… Dean couldn’t deny that his alternate him was good at making her feel special.

“But it wasn’t… real” she sighed. 

Of course it was very real, but the fleeting illusion of having her Dean was not. Because love is not about having and the body is just a part of it anyway ; the other Dean looked like him, but he never lived what Dean lived, what made him, and they didn’t have that history she had with the man looking at her. They never sneaked out of the motel room to the pool at night together, he never cried the loss of his father in her arms after he had to crush that damn pearl.... But as he couldn’t know all those thoughts in her mind, he grew more confused.

“Dean I…” she caught his attention, tears fighting her voice. “I’m really sorry I… feel like crap.”

I feel like crap. That was the kind of things you only said to your closest friends, because it was different from I screwed up or I regret. I feel like crap, was either a confession of self-hate or a call for help. 

Y/n and Dean had a relationship where this thing could be said, he already did, and now was her turn…

“You know, I really over reacted, Y/n, please don’t feel bad because I can’t handle some... things in me” he avoided the word feeling, but put a hand on her knee. 

“It’s not you, Dean, really. I c-can’t get rid of the idea that I abused your intimacy…”

He frowned. Intimacy was a complicated concept for him. Since possession and Hell, since Michael, the integrity of his body -a body that had been cut, burned, shattered, boiled, skinned, stabbed… a body that had been used to kill, torture, threaten…- had never really been respected, and the fact that, without even touching him, she felt that bad for that, made him love her more.

She had always been the only one trying to figure out how he could live the horrors going on, how he could feel, asking the right questions, even if he rarely answered them…

“You abused nothing” he cut her. “That’s how messed up our world is, if I had a twin brother, this idea wouldn’t even come to your mind.”

That was different because in her head she knew that she had undressed the other Dean to see him.

“I shouldn’t have asked him to kiss me” she continued and Dean’s stomach contracted. “If I had knew what it meant for him, how painful…”

“He’s a grown up” Dean stated. “He makes his own choices, and to be honest, I still think he kinda used you.”

“No Dean…” she sighed.

She had understood the other Dean. Paradoxically, it was in their own selfish use of one another that they had found each other, and a bond made of respect and empathy had grown between them. But she couldn’t explain that… To anyone.

           Sam appeared at the door with a sigh. His eyes laid on Dean’s hand on her thigh and it warmed him.

“Everything is ready” he stated and stayed in the door frame for a second, waiting for an answer.

As Y/n didn’t talk, her eyes back on her coffee mug, Dean gave his brother one of these looks that meant a lot of things. This one was saying “It’s complicated but, we will be here in a moment, just give her a minute.” Sam, of course, understood what his brother told him without a word and left.

“I think we should say goodbye” Dean murmured with a heartache, still hating that she looked so sad when it came to his other self.

His hand on her thigh gave a little squeeze and she dared touching his hand for a second, her index finger gently rubbing a freckle here.

“Yes” she just stated.

           She got up, still clinging to the cup in her hands like it could hold her back. Dean followed her silently as she walked to the library, he could see she was a little tense.

           The Sams and alternate universe Dean were in the war room, bags on the table, standing a little awkwardly. Y/n looked at them, their tall frames and charisma invading the room. Sam and his double were facing each other and even Dean looked small next to those giant men. And Dean wasn’t a short man, far from it. 

           They were talking about Hunter Corp, alternate universe John Winchester’s operation. Sam seemed to want to know everything about it, and until the last minute with them, he would keep asking questions about how people dealt with knowing the truth, how financers worked, how hunting was organized. He needed to know if such an operation was making a true difference. But in the end, Y/n thought, their world had disappeared and not this one. 

She didn’t dare walking to that other Dean right away, staying a few feet away.

           His hair were back to being brushed flat on his head, giving him a cute nice-guy look, he was wearing his white shirt and sand coat again, those bracelets she really liked at his wrist. And when he saw her, a soft smile appeared on his face. 

           This little move of his lips was a sign of their new complicity, it was sincerely friendly, and in the same time filled by the emotions of seeing the face of the woman he loved, and that’s how she understood it. 

But her Dean didn’t, a burning jealousy still squeezing his heart. He reached to her from behind and flattened his palm on her lower back softly, just to remind her he was still here.

           She turned to him for a second, searching his green eyes, and noticing that scar on his chin that the other, fancier Dean didn’t have. She loved this scar, she loved every scars on his body and on his heart, even if she would give her life for him to get more.  

“Thank you” she told him earning a light smile.

She was thanking him for being him, and he thought she did for supporting him.

Then she walked to the other men in the room, letting her fingers graze the familiar map-table.

“It was a pleasure meeting another Y/n, a really nice one” said man-bun Sam with an unreadable look. 

Y/n couldn’t help but glimpse at Sam, her own regular friend Sam before she answered, like it could help her keeping her mind clear. And, as usual, it did. The smart compassionate light in his hazel pupils eased her still half-panicked half-confused brain and she could answer.

“It was really nice meeting you too. Where are you going ?”

“Brazil” alternate Sam nodded. “But we still have to find a way to fix our world, and without our trained hunters and equipment, if it is even possible.”

“I really hope it is” she bit her lip, doubting it was like everyone did, but wasn’t it the essence of a Winchester to try the impossible ?

“Did Sam gave you phones ?” she asked and her friend nodded. “If you need me to help with research or anything…”

Both tall hazel eyed hunter looked down for a second in a creepily synchronized expression of light embarrassment. 

“I think…” Man-bun Sam said with that smile that only he mastered, that very polite and soft, but also very slightly irritated smile of his. “I think it’s better if we don’t stay too much in touch, Y/n, Sam...” he posed, evidently disturbed by the use of his own name. “Gave us names and tips, we will do just fine. My… brother needs to move on.” He ended a little lower.

She bit the inside of her cheek and sighed.

“Of course” she stated with all the dignity she could find in herself, even if she felt accused, unable to distinguish her own feeling of guilt from what the man was actually insinuating.

But his next words warmed her heart a little. 

“Thank you for being so understanding. You really are, in any universe, someone noble despite what dad used to claim.”

For a second, there was a hesitation, alternate universe Sam moved his arms, like he wanted to hug her, just like Sam always did, and like this Sam probably used to do. He had lost her too, and if she was this important to Dean… she must have been really important to his brother too.

But he didn’t hug her, and just put a hand on her arm kindly.

His brother, however, he hugged her the second she walked to him, wrapping his suede covered arms around her.

“You stay cautious, Love” he said letting go when his double’s eyes darken. “Especially with demons…” 

“I know…” she said sadly. “I will.”

“Y/n…” he let out in a sigh, taking a few steps back, taking her with him.

He didn’t took her to another room, and she would probably not have followed him anyway, but just a few feet away, so that his whispers wouldn’t be heard if he kept them low. 

“Did you talk to him ?” he murmured, searching her face.

“I… Listen…” she tried but he let out a sigh.

“You listen, his feelings seem to be an issue for him, at least talking about it, even to himself” he whispered, getting a little closer to be discreet. “But you have to talk to him, believe me.”

“Dean…” saying that, she looked back to see the man they were talking about. “You and your Y/n, it’s not Dean and me, he doesn’t…”

“He doesn’t what ?” he cut her, shaking his head a little in disapproval. “You… You’re a lot like him actually.”

She lifted her eyes to dive in his, her face stern, she didn’t know what that meant, but be like the man she admired the most could only be a good thing.

“He needs you” he insisted a little louder and she hushed him.

“He doesn’t, you don’t know him.”

“Don’t I ?” asked.

This question was confusing, who did understand Dean better ? Someone who knew everything he had been through, or someone that didn’t but was… She frowned and cleared her throat. She needed to change the subject. Make things right as much as she could, forget about all this to get back to be the best friend possible.

“I’m sorry” she stated. “I feel like I have made things a lot worse, salt on the wound.”

“You didn’t. You’re not allowed to feel bad about it, okay ?” he took her hand, not noticing that this world Dean was looking at them, clenching his jaw, frustrated that he couldn’t hear them. “You gave me closure and I am just grateful. I will be okay…”

She smiled weakly at him and nodded. 

“Dean” his brother rushed him a little, already holding his bag. 

“Yes…”

She turned and gave the men waiting a shy smile, ready to join them, but he walked in front of her, looked at her in the eyes and bent to hug her once more, not letting go so quickly this time. As she hugged back, she looked above his shoulder to Dean watching them.

“Y/n and I were not just engaged” he murmured in her ears, making her shiver. She kept her eyes on the man she loved, he was staring back with his hands in his pockets. “We were… are soulmates. It’s not a way of speaking, Fate told us, Cupid confirmed.” 

Her pupils dilated and Dean noticed it. 

The man holding her finally let go.

“Goodbye Y/n” he smiled and reached her face to wipe a tear she hadn’t even noticed.

“Goodbye Dean.”

           And he left, they left. Escorted by her Dean, they took the metal stairs as she stayed frozen playing his words again and again in her head.

Part 4 will be edited (tomorrow) in @roonyxx​‘s blog

________________________

***FEEDBACK IS GOLD***

Forever Tags : @parinarain @animegirlgeeky @mogaruke @masterof-agony @rainflowermoon @tftumblin @deans-baby-momma @roonyxx @thefaithfulwriter @vicariouslythruspn @emeow1496 @daryldixonandfrogs @holylulusworld  @cocklesbelli @sandlee44 @screenchingartisancashbailiff @donnaintx @hawaiianohana31 @akshi8278 @magssteenkamp @sister-winchesters99​ @neii3n  @lyss-dw79​ @im-a-shrub @sadwaywardkid @hopelesslydevotedtoyou1912 @slyqueenj​ @i-love-superhero​ @waywardsisterandpie @sunsetsandbooks​ @fangirlxwritesx67​ @mrspeacem1nusone​ @stylesismyhubs​ @deanwanddamons​ @jawritter​ @peridottea91​ @chelsea072498 @chocolateheart​ @vicmc624

Same Tags : @olichat​ @starryeyeseunbyul​ @acklesterritory​ @deanmonandnegansbitch​

Roonyxx will put her tags in the reblog

[oh-boy-me]

*toots horn* I’m alive!

Tbh the main reason I’ve been absent is because I’m still getting used to being back at work.  Summer break, how I miss you... a curse of being a substitute teacher... I sleep a lot when I get home and have to go to bed early on top of that lol

But anyway!  I’m a little stuck on a formatting situation, and I wanted to open the discussion field to you guys: as I continue to add image descriptions to make the blog easier to navigate for those who can’t view images for any reason, eventually I’m going to have to adjust and adapt the bigger translation posts.  Posts like “Mammon’s way of speech” and the battle lines are fine.  Those are all text.  But the Devilgram posts have screenshots of the EN-version’s posts, and the SR card posts are pictures of Word tables.

So that brings me to my questions!

Devilgram Posts: I’m going to include a new paragraph in the intro that lists the localized titles of the cards discussed in order (and I’ll update the old ones to have this too.)  That much I know for a fact.  But aside from that, should each picture have an ID?  How much information is necessary for the IDs?  Is just labelling the localized titles of the cards again and maybe the characters enough, or should I also be including the English version of every comment?  Or anything else not mentioned?  The posts are very long and text-filled already, so I’ve been concerned about making them confusing for everyone if I format it inconveniently.  Maybe the IDs would go below the cut all together?  Idk.  The translations themselves have always been pure text.

SR cards: This ID needs to be below the cut, but which columns should I include in the ID?  Should I just list my translated titles, or should I write something like “[localized title] is something like [translated title]”?  I assume that including the Japanese column won’t provide much, but maybe I’m wrong there.

Any input and feedback from those of you who have used or have more experience with image descriptions would be very appreciated!  It might sound like I’m overthinking things, but as someone who doesn’t use screen readers myself, I think it’d be stupid if the IDs were unusable because I didn’t ask lol.

Anyway, I’m gonna try to get the 2nd batch of birthday cards out very soon, and starting next week we should be back in the swing of Hot Take Tuesday.  Thanks for your patience <3

[aroace-people-are-lgtbq]

Hi this is going to be ong and a bit rant-y. I appologise about that. It was so weird seeing the attitudes of people on this site change about asexuality (and aromanticisim, although in my experience that usually was a bit more of a side note). A few years back I didn't have issues finding blogs with ace jokes (cake, card, dragons...) but they seemed to die out with increase of discourse and people calling them cringy to the point where the blogs became inactive and I couldn't find new ones. 1/2

2/2 Discourse was everwhere, even on fandom blogs that didn't really have anything to do with lgbtq+ community. At some point I got used to searching the blog I was about to follow to make sure they didn't participate in discourse. Things seem to start lookng up again, or maybe it's just the people I follow. Have you had similar experiences? What are some of your favourite aro and/or ace blogs that post memes/other fun, lighthearted content?

Oof reading this gave me flashbacks tbh.

if you don’t want to read my rundown of the discourse, it will be under the readmore. 

TLDR: It does seem to be getting better, but the discourse did irreparable harm to the ace community on tumblr and exclusionists are still are blight on our community.  The only lighthearted blog I can think of is  @raavenb2619, most other blogs keep up a mix of serious topics and memes.

 Anyone else?

-Mod Ama

(My rambling on the discourse below)

 I realized I was ace around 2014, so I only had two years before ace discourse started to creep into tumblr.  The earliest I saw anti-ace stuff from the lgbtq community was June 2016, right after the pulse shooting, but it got so much worse later in the year I had to start blocking people and  I made this blog in early 2017 to cope with the deluge of stuff. 

It was also around this time that I started to ID as aro, partly because I was accepting it but also because I was sick of feeling like asexual was synonymous with “heteroromantic” 

Overall with the discourse, I started from a perspective of  “They just don’t understand how damaging this rhetoric is,” but that wasn’t true. It’s why this blog stopped participating in discourse, except when something really made me mad. 

In that time, I saw many ace and aro blogs come and go, but the lighthearted side of ace and aro communities fell to the wayside, because it was impossible to exist on this site and be active in the aro and acce communities without attracting hate. 

I feel like the peak of the discourse was definitely 2017-2018, but the death knells are still being felt. It felt like most ace exclusionists moved on after the great Tumblr purge, but now they are in other social media sites. 

Plus a lot of exclusionists felt the need to start hiding their views, or claimed to “be tired of discourse.” I don’t know how much things are better or if it’s just quieter. 

To me, the aspec community still feels so small, I have trouble finding new posts to reblog and often I end up reblogging the same posts over and over again without meaning to,

Community building takes time and it takes work, I don’t think we’re there yet if I’m honest. 

It’s something to look forward to I guess, 

[seijch]

ANNOUNCEMENT: NOT A HELLO, BUT NOT A GOODBYE EITHER

omg hi ... im like . ashamed to come back after saying brief hiatus in october and then disappearing off the face of the earth til FEBRUARY but under the cut i will be explaining myself and the following, if youre interested (and a tl;dr at the very bottom if you don’t wanna scroll thru this obnoxiously long post):

the reason(s) i was gone for so long

what i was doing during that time (its just a personal account yall can scroll past this idrc)

the status of those um . halloween requests

the future of this account

i. so . Hiatus .

i know. i know . i probably mentioned it when i made the announcement post, but my mental health likes to go on one of those rides. yknow the ones where you go like up rlly fast then down maybe and then up then DOWN .... its like that. i needed a break and every time i wanted to come back or thought about it, something would happen and i would get stuck in my own head.

a big reason for getting stuck in my head was (and i hate to admit this ... i hate to admit that i have Insecurities On The Internet) my feelings of inadequacy regarding my writing. i love to plot fics, i love concepts and characters and making little headcanons but i dont ... know if i love writing rn. and i thought for the longest time that like . whatever ill just push thru it its fine ill be fine but it kinda wasnt lmao you can kinda see it in my halloween reqs and what become of them when i get to that but i began to feel like nothing i had put out or would put out would hold up prose wise (and normally i dont feel like this im much more “idc its my life im living it” but thats not a rant for tumblr LMAO). i still feel like that -- like im better as a reader than a writer. but . You Know :-)

tl;dr: mental state go brrrrr

ii. anywhere here’s wonderwall

when i left, i was in a steadily decreasing mental and emotional state, made worse by a situation at work that really was a case of petty jealousy on my end and rlly isnt very consequential now despite how much pain and resentment it gave me when it Was a problem so i wont get into it. the tl;dr of november and december was me using work as an crutch and distraction -- i know my job, i do it well, it helped me not think about my responsibilities and obligations and inadequacies. of course, as the holiday season grew busier n busier i was scheduled so often that i moved 88 or so miles (according to my apple watch, which i ONLY wear at work since im never anywhere else outside my house) and fell into a cycle of showering n sleeping at my house before going back the next day. (theres definitely something to be said abt capitalism and “grind culture” here but once again its not the time or place snsjkdfds)

at the turn of the new year, i happened to remember a birthday card i hadnt filed away for safekeeping from a friend of mine that id been horribly out of touch with til that point. i started crying because i realized how out of touch id been in general up until that point. the month of january was great for me: i was focused, happy, and in a much better place than i had been before. the end of it brought me down focus wise and im hoping that enough time away from my distractions will refocus me bc i ... need it LMAO and though ive burned out from that level of productivity and gotten distracted again im ... trying to stay positive which i think is the most i can do 😁👍🏼

media wise, i got real into stardew valley (but burned out bc i played it extensively as a way to wind down after work), the pokemon platinum romhack renegade platinum (still havent finished it bc of school n i played it w the intent to see if i could nuzlocke it ... bitch its so hard but its so fun bc of it), briefly assassins creed: odyssey (im one of those ppl who completes an entire region before i move to the next so you can tell i burned out of that one + wouldnt have the time to properly devote to it even if i didnt), got back into genshin impact after pulling for xiao (after not touching it for like . months), and danganronpa. yes . danganronpa 😐 i Know. i stopped playing it after the second trial of the first game bc i was so hurt by the outcome and picked it up in late january only to get sucked in (thank god i had the foresight to buy the second and third games during the steam winter sale). rn im at the start of chapter 4 if anyone wants to come in my asks and um . talk to me abt danganronpa

tl;dr: I’m Into Danganronpa Now

iii. you realize halloween was three months ago right

i mentioned this in the first section, but i love to plot things. every request is plotted or at least has a solid foundation. i had fun detailing what concept i wanted to go with considering what i was given, and there were some bangers i might touch up in the future. but heres whats going to happen to the requests themselves:

there are two finished requests. one will be posted tomorrow and the other will be touched up (just bc i finished it doesnt mean its good 🧍‍♂️) and scheduled for next saturday. as for the ones i never got around to ...

i will not be finishing those requests. i hate to be That Person, but i feel like we all expected this 🧍‍♂️ what i will do is post all of my notes for each request in batches -- requests that have an @ to go with them will be mentioned in the post proper, but anon asks will be pictured. (there are some asks that came from blogs who are now deactivated but i wrote down all the prompts and remember most of those askers so ill cross that bridge when i get there) there will most likely be an excerpt or two simply bc i think i mightve written a few plot points or interactions in the form of bullet points. i rlly am sorry about doing this but i remember looking at my notion doc with all the prompts and feeling ... like i wasnt measuring up n it wasnt just to myself or to some intangible concept of “other” id constructed but it was instead to those who requested n actually WANTED to see and hear and read my writing and i ...... im gonna admit thats another big reason i avoided this site.

regardless, youll definitely get what i have (and likely more than just my bullet points and illegible handwriting).

tl;dr: im sorry. what i have in terms of plot, concept, and interaction for every request will be posted, but i cant say ill ever complete them and mean it.

iv. so what now?

well i mean . im not entirely sure how sold i am on haikyuu in the content creation department (as a creator n to a lesser extent, as a consumer). as mentioned previously, its no longer my primary focus. it doesnt mean im not into haikyuu anymore; i have a lot of love for those boys but i cant rlly say im even caught up w recent fandom activity and also havent even finished s4 pt2 LMAO thats on my to do list

and despite all that, i still want to share my plots n concepts and snippets and maybe even fics. it wont happen anytime soon. it might not even happen. but i mean . its better than me saying i wont write ever again shjdkfs but either way ill probably use this blog as a personal blog w the occasional ask game for dialogue prompts (those are always so fun i love making up aus to fit like . the most mundane prompts)

as for my works (past and any potential future), ive opened an ao3 acc here n ill be editing n possibly expanding on my old works to post there. tumblr, to me, is The x reader hub, but i figure more x reader fics on ao3 is never a bad thing.

ill be deleting/posting drafted posts to the queue since they were all meant to be queued anyway as well as (sorry again 🧍‍♂️) deleting or answering asks in the inbox. (moots if you get a notif from me saying i rbed your post from months ago ... mind your business) im very hard to get ahold of and its ... a problem. expect an overhaul of the nav n shit to reflect my new direction n also because i feel like i cant tell if my passion for carrd is shared by the majority HSDKLFS maybe its better to read my info in a normal post ykwim .......

and of course . if youve read all this n decided im no longer worth the follow, i sure as hell cant stop you. thank you for wanting to, at some point, hear what i have to say -- it means more than you think.

tl;dr: writing will be edited and reposted to ao3, this blog will be a personal blog with a hint of writing (sometimes)

the tl;dr to end all tl;drs:

im back! i wont be as active as i used to due to a lessened interest in haikyuu in general, but i have an ao3 acc now where all my past work will be edited, possibly expanded, and reposted. any future work will also find itself there. my halloween requests will be posted in batches as incomplete concepts, plots, and snippets of scenes; i wont be promising to finish any of them.

there are still fic concepts im attached to and want to finish, but i cant promise any more writing on my end. this blog will be a personal blog with maybe writing, not a writing blog with my personal thoughts all over it.

regardless if you stick around or not, its been crazy sexy cool (equal emphasis) being on haikyuu tumblr even tho i wasnt around for long ... even tho its not my main focus anymore, im still excited to see what the future might hold 🤝

love, ari 💌

[thewriterinthebatcave]

So, I read The Phantom Of Manthattan

In its entirety. @baepsyche had tried to dissuade me, she did her best, but I wanted to wade through the sewage that book is by myself and form my own opinion on it. I mean, I had a very clear image of how bad it would be when I heard @lindsayetumbls give the rundown in the Musicalsplaining episode of Love Never Dies, but I had no idea how bad it could actually be!

TL:DR The book is a mess that makes no sense as a sequel to whatever, nor it makes sense on its own because of how it’s structured and written. It sucks, it’s poorly written and isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on. Love Never Dies is a fucking masterpiece worth of all the awards for musical theater out there in comparison.

I mean... I’ve read bad books in my life. Once upon another time I handled a blog dedicated to poor literature - both printed and online - I’ve read my big fat share of bad literature, I binged on the Fifty Shades trilogy but Sweet Jesus Christ POM makes 50 Shades look like high art! 

Let’s start from the beginning, shall we?

1. Too many POV characters. There’s like... the Phantom, three different journalists two of which are there for one chapter alone and never return, there’s the priest, and a couple more I forgot. But... WHY? Why so many different POV characters in a book so short I literally finished it in a couple half hour long sessions? WHY? It makes no sense from a narration standpoint, it’s crowded and confusing and voyeuristic! Also, never including Christine’s POV you diminish her character to a paper thin token. Also, where’s Raoul?

2. Speaking of which, Raoul. Poor guy, the book shits on him from chapter 1 (the only barely readable chapter of the book), and by doing so right in the beginning the “big reveal” of Pierre/Gustave true parentage feels more of a “captain obvious” joke rather than a “I would have never guessed!”. Not that it is such a grand plot twist in Love Never Dies I mean, but Jesus, not like this! 

3. Yeah, speaking of that. People shit on Love Never Dies for “Beneath A Moonless Sky” and the sex scene that never was, but this is way worse! At least the song gives you a context, a moment you can at least imagine what the hell happened and maybe even why, but here? Nothing! They don’t even TALK about that, let alone explain to the reader that those two had sex! What the fuck! Pierre just happened to be born and Raoul never even questioned his parentage! Or maybe he does, he just doesn’t care since he fullfills the nobility’s expectations of a male heir, who knows. HE DOESN’T SAY ANYTHING RELEVANT IN THE WHOLE BOOK! No wonder in LND they turned him in the abusive alcoholic, they had no material to build on in this... thing. 

4. The Phantom and the backstory. I appreciate the fact that they tried to give him a past, and I really liked the fact that Forsythe took his time to even give at least a fraction of time/place context to the original book that hasn’t one by figuring out Leroux had a post-electricity Palais Garnier in mind, but the backstory for the Phantom... I’ve read more interesting fanfics. I haven’t read Kay’s Phantom, I have it but I haven’t started it yet so I can’t make comparisons, but seriously, I’ve really read fanfics retellings of Erik’s past more imaginative and fleshed out that this book.

Which leads me to...

5. Satanism? Really? Satanism? Of all the shock cards Forsythe could have dropped on the table, Satanism? Listen guys, I’m a metalhead, I listen to stuff that people have called “the music of the devil” (classic rock, blues and jazz included) for the past fifty years on daily basis, one of my favourite songs of all time is Emperor’s “Inno A Satana” which literally means “Hymn to Satan” in Italian. My parents were scared to death when I started dabbling in heavy metal because of the whole “satanism” thing, I know my shit about satanism (I actually have done my research), and let me tell you that shit is old. Like, dusty and moldy old, not just not fashionable, it’s such an old story no one finds it so shocking anymore. So... WHY? It makes no sense, drives no point in the story, it’s a damn McGuffin that isn’t even relevant anymore! It wasn’t at the time the book was published (the whole trial to Judas Priest, Black Sabbath and Ozzy Osbourne had happened like... 10 years prior the book was written so... meh) and I really hope it will never be again because... seriously... nope, it’s stupid and pointless, why on Earth it was used as a plot device I have no fuckin’ idea. 

6. Darius. Dude has no backstory, no descriptor except his greed and “devotion” to money and wealth. Oh and he smokes hashish. That’s it. We’ve got no other data on him. Jesus Christ, for the antagonist of the story he surely is kind of... bland? I mean, he’s non existent! Such a cop out, like really... WHY! At least Meg falling for the Phantom and getting all jealous crazy makes a teeny tiny bit of sense, but this guy? Bland, children’s book cutout satanism aside, which is a terrible choice of moving force for reasons above, the dude himself is so terribly fleshed out (ID, he isn’t) that his motivations are unclear at best and laughable at worst. You are the Phantom’s face in the world, he has so much money that if you start putting a side a grand here and a grand there he wouldn’t notice, you have power to make deals in his behalf, why don’t you just get the money and go? Have you learned nothing by working with the Phantom? Can’t you make your own money and become filthy rich yourself so you can honor your damn god  on your fucking own? Don’t you think your god would appreciate more you making your own wealth instead of pigging on the Phantom’s back and take only morsels of his own wealth? Fuck this book is a mess. 

7. Christine. I mean, she’s rarely there, for the time she is she’s either a hysterical mess or a an angel on stage, and she is supposed to be the reason everything happens. In reality, it looks like everything happens in spite of her. She has no power on her own, she’s like a piece of wood floating in the sea during a storm. 

8... No, I’m not going further with this. I could shit on this book for the whole day, but I have other things to do, better things to do. 

I’m going to wash my eyes with bleach now. 

[thisisridiculousdude]

I would like to state that I am ONLY making this account to address this issue and I will not discuss it after this. I will not engage with the online community regarding this, and I will not post anything else on here. However, I need to set the record straight because you’ve involved me in a personal way when you do not know me. Hello! My name is Em. I’m the current partner of @strawberryswisherrpt3 - otherwise known as Joey Hart. There are accusations firing at my partner, and him attempting to defend himself. In the original message, I was spoken to as though I was somehow a victim of my partner, or that I wasn’t fully aware of what was going on so I’m sitting here to address everything that has been said. This will not continue and I will not engage with people I don’t know, and that don’t know me, my life with Joey, nor him at this point in time. To Kai:

1. I have never harassed you. You attempting to paint the image of me bothering you in any way is ridiculous. I have made 2 posts to you in the 4 years I have been involved with Joey. The first (that I will attach to this post) was in direct response to you posting shitty things about my relationship with Joey of which you knew nothing about. I have EVERY RIGHT to defend myself or to inform someone of the truth. Sure, I was a little harsh in it with my word choices but I was incredibly angry that you inserted yourself in a relationship you were not apart of.

2. I AM NOT A VICTIM OF JOEY HART. I REPEAT, I AM NOT A VICTIM OF JOEY HART. I will not EVER reach out to you so I can “confide” in you about some horrific fact of a person that simply no longer exists. He has never and would never harm me.

3. You make the statement that I will never understand and you hope I don’t have to, so let me paint a picture for you. I’m 21, I start dating someone that I went to high school with that I trust with my life. He takes care of me while I’m sick, he knows all of my medical and personal information. I move across the country with him so I wouldn’t be a burden on my family. We get married so I have health insurance, and can have the procedures I need without paying an arm and a leg for them. I change my last name on my social security card with him promising to pay for me to have my license changed over too so I can eventually go back to work. He proceeds to slowly remove all food from the house, the keys from my pockets so I can no longer leave and if I do, I won’t be able to get back in. He started to speak to my mother, my daughter’s family, and my friends behind my back. He let them all know I was losing my mind, that I wasn’t making any sense and he was doing everything he could to make me happy but it never seemed like it was enough. In reality, he backed me into a corner. He was drunk. He had the windows open so our neighbors could hear him humiliate me. He yelled in my face that I was a whore. I was his wife and he could fuck me whenever he pleased. I didn’t have to tell  him yes or no. I didn’t have to consent. He owned me because I was his wife. I try my BEST to fight back. I yell, I beg him to close the window so the neighbors won’t hear. I cry and tell him I love him and i’m so sorry. Do you know what his response was, Kai? Do you want to know? His response was to rip open my dress, drag me by my hair, push me over onto our bed, rip my underwear off, shove himself into me, ripping me on his way in to where i was bloody with his hand shoving my face into the mattress so he could muffle my cries.That happened over and over again. He beat the shit out of me. He starved me. He held me hostage. If I tried to book a flight home to Texas, he’d find out. He’d cancel it because he worked at the airline. My family wouldn’t speak to me. I couldn’t get a job because my IDs didn’t match. When I finally decided I was going to leave him, he ripped the cushions out of the futon I was sleeping on so I had to sleep on raw springs. He would bring home a triple cheeseburger and 10 nuggets every single night and force feed me them but if I declined, I did not eat. He took my phone and controlled everyone I spoke to and everything I did. He used my personal information against me in an attempt to have me committed. After I finally found a way out, he ACTUALLY stalked me. He followed me home on the train and to my workplace. He called DCFS on me (the time you’re referring to that Joey told you) because I took my child and fled to a dude’s house because I was terrified for my life. I almost had my child taken away from me because of him. He kidnapped my child and took her to Denver CO without my consent or knowledge. He caused my daughter to hate me because he filled her head with lies about me. To this day, my daughter is his picture on Facebook.  I know what abuse is like. I know what it’s like to question your own sanity, to be so stained by what you considered love that you don’t know if you’re ever going to be able to feel safe again. I can no longer be touched without almost throwing up. I can’t answer phone calls I don’t know and I am always living in fear that he will finally find a way to kill me.  You do not have a right to tell me that I do not understand what you have endured in your life because I do. You do not know me. Do not belittle my intelligence and capability of rational thinking.

3. I’m not insecure of you and I never have been. I have never been under the impression Joey was trying to date you again because he never was. 4. The final thing I have to say to you is this: Joey has never hidden anything from me. He has never tried to justify his actions. I have always been honest with him whenever he has messed up, and he is well aware of the things he has done. He has taken accountability for the wrongdoings of his past and the people he has hurt. He told me every single thing before we started dating so I knew what his past was. He never hid it. He never tried to twist it to paint himself as a victim. He point blank said “I did this” without any attempt of swaying my opinion one way or the other. I CHOSE to acknowledge the fact that this is someone with a very stained past that goes far beyond what he has done to others, and what has also been done to him. I chose to pursue a relationship with him because I respected his honesty, and truly believed he wanted to move forward and work on being a better person. He can’t UNDO the things he has done. We all fucking know this, including him. But I’m TRULY confused on what you want him to do. What you expect of him. Like, do you want him to just disappear off the face of the earth? Because that isn’t going to happen. He’s got a life, he’s allowed to be on the internet and interacting with people that he knows or is involved with. The ONLY thing he can do is apologize, take accountability, and try to be better. That’s it. That’s all he can do. And I know he has apologized to you. I’ve heard it, and he did it again in the recent message to you. You absolutely do not have to accept his apology but you cannot say that he hasn’t attempted to take responsibility verbally to you directly. Same with Sarah. He messaged her on OkCupid to apologize well after they broke up and she essentially told him to fuck off (which is totally fine, and understandable) and he didn’t push the issue. He understood why she was angry and had every right to be. He left her alone and hasn’t once bothered her since. You know this happened because you were with him when it happened. Like literally WITH him physically and found out later and were angry. So I don’t understand. You don’t owe me an answer but i’m not stupid. I’m not naïve like you portray me to be, Kai. I’m not justifying or defending his past. I’m telling you the truth, which is that the person he is today is not the person he was then and you truly CANNOT say otherwise because you wouldn’t know. No one would know.  He reached out to you again on December 22nd because he reaches out to people from his past. Like you, I never really understood this, but I don’t make his decisions for him. It was probably a mistake and I’m sure he’s realizing this now, but either way, he left you alone. He didn’t message you again and he didn’t bother you. He didn’t vague post at you or say anything offensive to you/about you. He posted a photo of me with a ferret where YOU then said something shitty and he finally asked you to stop. He told you he wasn’t going to stop posting his personal stuff out of fear of what you may say.  Yes, it’s your blog and you can say whatever you want. No one is stopping you or trying to. However, you clearly know he’s looking just like you’re looking at his. His message to you was not reflective of the way he once was. That doesn’t suddenly mean he’s unchanged or not a better person from his mistakes (which for the final time, what else do you want dude). It means he got upset because he posted a photo of a ferret and you copied something shitty he said to you like 5 years ago in an email as a response to something that never required a response??? it was a photo of a ferret! Whatever. In general: As I said already, I won’t be addressing any of this again. I don’t know any of you and I’m not going to pretend to. I do know my partner though and I do know the things he has done because he has been honest. He’s told me when he was having doubts about our relationship, He’s told me virtually every single thing that he’s done or experienced. He has worked very, very, very hard to work on his toxic patterns and address his past in a way that is meaningful for his future as a person, all while understanding that the past cannot be undone and taking full accountability where it is due.  He is disabled, he is schizophrenic, he is neurodivergent and he has been since he was a child. Some of the behavior you comment on is clear schizophrenia. He is NOT RESPONSIBLE for his family. He does not have contact with his family. He has not been in contact with them for nearly a year. We endured the exact same thing as all of you did from his family while we resided there which isn’t okay and I don’t blame any of you for feeling uncomfortable or unsafe there. However, he can only do so much. He can only yell at his family so much. He can only demand they stop doing something so much. It’s not feasible for someone who brings in $863 a month to simply move out and quite frankly, it’s incredibly ableist to push that narrative. His family abused him his entire life. His dad was absolutely horrific to his mom, and grandmother. He harassed Susie literally to fucking death. And to be clear: none of this excuses his actions. These are not excuses, these are facts. Someone can state that they were severely mentally ill and had undergone a lifetime of abuse and trauma that caused them to act out a certain way or have a distorted sense of reality to some degree (schizophrenia), or even harm those they cared for or were near because of those things. That does not make someone a bad person. That means they have done bad things. For the final time: he cannot undo what he did. To anyone. He cannot take it back even though he DOES wish he could. ALL HE CAN DO is try to move forward and better himself while acknowledge who he was to prevent himself from being that person again. He is not perfect, I’m not perfect. But he is different now than he has ever been. He has continued to grow over the time I have known him and whether you believe that or not is not something I can control but it’s not something I’m going to continue to let spew from people that no longer know who he is. I have chosen to remain silent until now, and I will go back to being silent of my own accord because I’m not going to engage with anyone who is insistent and honestly, hell-bent on destroying a person who has done exactly what you SAY you want done and why you SAY you’re doing this “again:” so he’s accountable.  I truly do not understand the purpose of this and I truly do not appreciate you saying things about our relationship that are not true. You do not know anything about our relationship, about me as a parent, about my life at all. You’ve made derogatory comments about me in the past because I lived in the house with his family since I was laid off from my job and lost my housing. You compared babysitting your siblings to me having a child alone in a hospital room at 15 and raising her by myself. You felt the need to comment on how my child would be hurt by the fact that I left relationships which I had to do because I was being raped or glass was thrown at my head. You do not know me. You will never know me, and I don’t want to know you. You don’t know him either, as I’ve said a million times over in this entire post. This won’t change anything if you’re not willing to listen to the person who DOES know him best now. This is all I have to say. I’m done now.

[qtakesams]

When Life Goes On, Go with It

Two years ago this month, I moved to Edgewater, Maryland, to complete a summer internship with the Smithsonian Environmental Research Center. SERC, as we call it, is a branch of the Smithsonian Institution that specializes in climate, coastal, terrestrial, and various other types of sciences. Their campus is an hour east of Washington, D.C. They own hundreds of acres of land, on which they house their laboratories and fields.

It was just after my sophomore year of college ended. As with many underclassmen years, mine was turbulent. I endured a drastic shift in my social circle which had, even if temporarily, left me feeling stranded on a campus I was still learning about. I’d had a rough spring semester, finding a lack of motivation to complete any assignment.

Most undergrads face that year: the one where nothing feels right, and each path feels like a dead-end. I had applied for a SERC internship on a bit of a whim. Entering college, I’d seen myself as a fiction writer and editor, planning to end up in a corporate publishing house. Sophomore had shown me I desired other things, and I applied for SERC’s science writing internship completely unsure if I’d actually like the work. What if I didn’t? What if it felt worse than the previous semester? What would I do if I couldn’t bounce back?

All of this, I decided, would be worth the risk. When I got an email from the internship’s advisor in March, offering me the position, I accepted it. The rest, as some might say, is history.

SERC is a hard place to find until you’ve visited a few times. The brown sign is easily skipped by the eyes. Coming from the west, you approach SERC on the left side of the road. Immediately, you forget that you’re technically in the suburbs, less than thirty miles from the epicenter of political heat in America. After a few turns, you arrive at the gate. When SERC is publicly open, you drive on through. When you’re an intern coming back from the bar at night, you have to swipe your ID card. You drive a few more turns, watching closely for deer, before that final right turn that drops you into the parking lot of the intern dorms and the labs.

I fell in love with SERC within days of my arrival. There were the intimidating factors of the place: fellow interns at Ivy Leagues and respected colleges, scientific labs into which the government itself funded millions, no meal plan, and the stick shift vehicle I would drive all summer. I was terrified when my mom drove away. I explored the floor of my building, admiring the kitchen, perusing the book selection. By eleven, I was in bed. I was tried from traveling, but more so, I didn’t know what to do. I’d briefly interacted with the other intern already on my floor, but I didn’t know him well enough to go say hi. There were four interns moved in below my floor, but I hadn’t seen any of them yet. I suddenly seemed wildly out of my element, though I had felt comfortable at SERC the moment I drove through the gate.

Of course, I grew happier at SERC. The happiest I’d been in years. Within weeks, I made strong friends, adjusted to my job, and began to close my GPS when driving to the store.

My work felt good. The articles I wrote and the media I created reached thousands of people, many of which gave positive comments. My words were reaching people, and the people were responding.

I was raised by a scientist, but more importantly, by well-educated, empathetic people. Loving my planet was part of the gig when I was growing up. In high school, I began to see where my privilege in this education existed. My friends at school didn’t seem to care about the things I’d be taught to care about. Water consumption, electricity, knowing the landscape on which your house is built. I knew important moments in history, and how they affected me. I had early knowledge of politics, to the point where I knew who George Bush was before his presidency ended (when I was 10). Ignorance and empathy tend to go hand-in-hand, mostly because ignorance leads to apathy. We’ve seen this cause-and-effect equation hold catastrophic, deadly consequences in 2020.

When I arrived at SERC, it didn’t slip by me that I suddenly had access to information that most people only dream about. Many of us are ignorant (I remain ignorant to 99.9% of what happens on this Earth) by circumstance, not by choice. Accessibility is one of our biggest problems of a global society attempting to function in a digital, climate change-riddled world. Sixty percent of the globe now has Internet access, but that leaves 3.08 billion people without the knowledge they need to protect themselves from the setbacks of climate change. Most of those people, as it would turn out, are terribly affected most by war, poverty, hunger, climate, social injustice, etc. These things intertwine and cause one another. Not always, but often.

My position at SERC gifted me access to science occurring in real-time. When the Pandemic would hit a year later, it would be surprising but not shocking. On a planet where politics and science are brothers, and the population is soaring too high to properly maintain, containing a spreadable virus is like trying to hold a cup of water in your bare hands. Sooner or later, it’s going to slip between the cracks and go everywhere. If it slips far enough, you’ll never find a towel strong enough to collect it all.

In March of 2020, when I moved home to isolate, I knew the rest of college was trashed. Not my degree, necessarily, but the experience of college. I would lose that experience in its normalcy, and therefore the skills which develop from that normalcy.

I did soon realize, however, that we are not always fortunate enough to do something about mass-casualties or problems. There’s not always an answer, straightforward or not. When there is one, you should grab it with both hands.

That summer of 2020, I decided I wanted to pursue a master’s degree after college. Higher education is not unknown in my family; we boast high degrees from prestigious universities. I am the opposite of a First-Generation student (one of my great-grandparents also had a master’s degree). Graduate school had already been on my mind when I started college, but I didn’t know what for. An MFA in fiction had felt the most logical to my teenage self in 2017, but by 2018, that felt out the window. What I had realized by the summer of 2020 was that, in the midst of the chaos and absurdity, was that I could in fact do something about what was going on. I can’t solve climate change, or house the homeless, or save every polar bear, or even eradicate a virus, but I can help in my own way. On some level, I can do something about the many crises. This, in itself, is “doing something”.

Science writing is a polarizing subject, of this I have been aware my entire life. Unfortunately, we’ve made science political, though politics are generally opinion (with strong empathy) and science is fact. It’s a tough, competitive field, but so is everything else. If you want to “make it” in this world, you have to willingly shed blood, tears, and probably sweat profusely. As I watched the COVID cases skyrocket simultaneously to the people I knew who cared not to stay home, I could tell something was off. People weren’t listening. If they were, it was usually to the ignorant voices on television.

I could feel my cheeks burning as I watched the Johns Hopkins map. It seemed cruel that we, as a society, could do that to ourselves. That we could allow this virus to spread and kill, but also that we had put ourselves in this position. I had already been envisioning myself as a science writer every day since my time at SERC had begun. Finally reckoning with the knowledge that not everybody is a scientist, nor cares to be one, was the icing on the cake. I couldn’t fix it all, but I could offer my help. So, I would.

When I began this blog two years ago, it was solely for abroad purposes. It was a fabulous way to let anybody who cared know what I was experiencing and how I was handling those experiences. Studying abroad, no matter how or where or how long, is difficult. Studying in general, for any length of time on any subject, is mindboggling tedious. I give kudos to my friends and family who have any advanced, foreign, or nontraditional education.

What I discovered after I began writing blog posts and sharing my thoughts is that there’s always more to the story than the words on the page. That’s why I’ve added to this blog in the year and a half since my abroad semester ended; there is always more to tell.

In a few weeks, I begin my master’s degree at Northwestern University in Chicago. My degree is in journalism, with a specialization in Science and Health reporting. I’m nervous to my core, as I am with any new adventure. I just graduated college last weekend, so my emotions are running wild. Yet, I have a feeling I’m about to finally be where I’ve wanted to be for years. I love words. I love messing with them, shaping them, using them to fit whatever project I want. I also love science. I love knowing what is happening around me, and why and how it is. Combining them already feels like a dream come true, so I’m sure the next year will feel magical.

The classes of 2020 and 2021 are probably the most resilient in history. A Pandemic, racial and social injustice, wildfires, remote learning, wifi issues. We’ve seen it all, and it’s made us stronger every day.

I think I’ve worn this blog out for this phase of life. My thoughts on what I’ve talked about here are valid and important, but they don’t exist alone. For somebody who’s pretty much been writing since she could hold a pencil, I hate journaling. I’ve tried so many times, and never succeeded, with the exception of this blog. That said, it gave me an incredibly strong, consistent manner of getting my thoughts on the page, for which I am endlessly grateful. If you’ve kept reading my thoughts and words, you should know I’m endlessly grateful for you, too.

All of this is saying that, whether you’re ready or not, life keeps going. Life can be cruel, it can be challenging, it can be beautiful. No matter what, it keeps going. As my friend Ferris once said, if you don’t stop and look around from time to time, you could miss it. So much changed so drastically in the last year. I’m still processing it. I might always be processing it. Most importantly, I think, is that I’ve learned to flow with it wherever it goes. It’s harder sometimes than other, but the result is usually worth the grind.

You might read my stuff in the Times once day, or (my personal favorite dream) National Geographic. I don’t know honestly know where I’m going, but I’m okay with that because I do know that I’m on my way. I’m still going. When life continues, you should go, too. You never quite know where the climb will lead, but you do know that the view will be great.

[ukeealyptus]

hey! i’ve been writing recaps since day one for the Crocker Corp arg, and figured i should start posting them to tumblr for people who aren’t in the discords! The recaps for the first ten days will be under the read more, and i will start posting daily recaps here :)

DAY ONE  The officalcrockercorp tumblr began sending out an invite to 16 people on tumblr for an all-expenses-paid tour of the CrockerCorp factory. The representative then opened up a q&a about the company. People began to ask more about the representative, who we learned to be an isolated being with glowing red, mottled brown and white skin whom She (crocker) refers to as "Heir", though if that means heir to the company or heir as in the class is unknown. Heir likes whistling, movies, swimming, the color red, bunnies, etc. It is heavily implied that Her and Heir are underwater somewhere. Heir almost certainly has a crocker tiara on and is under control of the batterwitch, as is seen by the frequent obey/consume text when certain questions that She does not approve are asked. Heir has no recollection of saying those obey/consume things. All 16 invitees have responded. There is a security breach where Heir is, and they left to take care of the threat. After saying there was a lot of noise and they had to leave, they dropped the first code- which led to a youtube video of an imgur image of the discord code. The tumblr has continued to post recipes, though there is no sign of Heir. Some people managed to friend and get in contact with a "representative"- while most of their messages only said "Currently all questioning is closed in relation to Crocker Corporation! We thank you for your patience. ". People who asked for jobs were denied for confidential reasons, but one person managed to get in touch with a representative for a short time before they disconnected for unknown reasons. DAY 2   People began to message Jane- the discord representative, and learn more about her situation. Jane had originally been texting normally, but after a "meeting", and a pfp change to include the condesce headband, she could only send standard copied messages. We learned that Jane and Heir were being held captive and controlled by Condy. Heir had been MIA on tumblr for a bit, and people were having coded conversations with Jane, as she could only say "obey consume submit" for quite a while- people resorted to a "once for yes twice for no" type of system. We've learned that Jane and John (who had been going by Heir on the tumblr) were in immediate danger, but that we could safely contact them through the email, and we needed the help of the 16 chosen to help them. Jane then sent some people the invite to the server that the 16 had created, and a few people joined to help them figure things out. The 16 had learned that Jane is currently in May 32nd (lol) 2040, and that the 16 are dead. This death can possibly be prevented, but they are not quite sure how yet. OG16 began to receive coded messages about their classpects- typically insulting each person individually and calling them weak. An encrypted youtube link went up (video 3), it was very difficult to decode, and then Heir went offline and the blog got rebranded to CrockerCorp Employee JE(edited)[11:29 AM]A lot more information has been gained through tumblr dms, discord "hacking", and emails. Using the representative codes that we had gained for JE (john), JH( jade), GT (jake,) and K (condy's wife), people have been talking a lot- im gonna split it up into sections for each app. tumblr dms: tumblr user sarcasmprodigy (one of the og16) had a long discussion with John. Firstly, we learned that DAVE STRIDER, ROSALINE LALONDE, DIEDERIK "DIRK" STRIDER, and ROXANNE LALONDE are essentially wanted by CrockerCorp. Dave for offensive movies, Rosaline for blacklisted literataure spreading anti-crocker propaganda, and Dirk and Roxanna for cybercrimes. After asking for more information about the "project", prod was told they needed a representative code to learn more. They sent K's code, which had been gotten through discord, and began to learn more. K (presumed to by condy's wife), has a higher ranking than John, so he was curious as to why K would ask about it. Prod used the persona of being concerned about the security breach, nd learned that john was only doing what condy told him to, and that nothing that requires a CrockerCorp ID would be told to the public. After questioning about breaches and such, John revealed that he had received an email from Rose Lalonde, the Younger one, containing Roxanne's IP address. John trusts her, as he cannot prove or disprove the IP address, and wishes K the best, and tells her to say hello to Her. emails: As people were standard emailing the representatives, some people decided to make new emails and essentially pretend to be characters- we called them "impersonators". There was a Rose, a Dave, a Dirk, and a Vriska, though most of this information will be from Rose. Rose- referred to as the Younger Rose- has gotten some interesting information regarding timelines. There are two Roses; Rosaline (alpha rose), who is writing anti-Crocker propaganda, and is in frequent contact with Dave Strider, creator of movies, and Rose the Younger (beta rose), who provided a fake IP for Roxanne, as CrockerCorp wants to hunt her down. Dirk- Dirk's emails got us in contact with GT (Jake) and just have some of the funniest things. They clearly believe that they have Dirk on lockdown since they have his sisters (Roxanne's) IP address, and tell Dirk to go meet with Condy, since he presumably has hacked the coordinates of her location. Dirk and Jake had some sassy back-and-forth, ending with the funniest thing of "use code PISSOFFDIRK at checkout for a IHAVEYOURIP% off discount on an order of DRONES$ or more!" so it seems that CrockerCorp is sending drones to the fake address that Rose had sent. lastly is "hacked" discord messages: a few users, mainly @Cosmic , "hacked" into the Crockercorp files using JH's (Jade's) rep code. After trying to access the EMPLOYEE ARCHIVES, which was deemed to be above Jade's privileges, strike two was added onto her identification. Cosmic found information on other codes- JE's code revealed CODE JOHN EGBERT STATUS: COMPLETED RATING: PERFECT INFORMATION: )(A)(A)(A NICE TRY LOSERS, GET BENT AN SUCK MY DIIIIIIIICK (thanks for that, condy.) and using a strange new code labelled TR found CODE TUMBLR STATUS: ONGOING/COMPLETED RATING: DECENT INFORMATION: START TUMBLR BLOG WITH JOHN PROMOTING CROCKER BRAND PRODUCTS. after trying to access "past inquiries", the third strike was added and Jade was summoned to speak with Condy. Fearing that our mistakes have essentially killed Jade, Cosmic emailed John, saying that they couldn't access the room if their card was locked. John frustratedly said, in red "I'll do what I need to do, now go see Her!! You're distracting me from the blog, and I'm only one person after all!" (poor john, please give him a break) As of now, one user is using K's code, since prod is done with it, to access the discord. Everyone has decided that it is best that only one or two people contact the discord/dms/email at a time, and that only one person is ever using a code at a time, since it could be dangerous if two different people try the same code at the same time. I believe that that should be all the crucial information, but that might be edited later if i got stuff wrong! (3/3)[11:30 AM]Additionally. The Meeting between Condy and Jade happens "Off-Camera" recap of the information I got accessing the database under K  Jade: alive, compromised, and unhostile, with two wash (brainwash) strikes. her projects were wiped with her. She has not worked on Sburb We need a code that we don't have yet to see information about the 16 and the "timeloop". jane is unknown (hostile or not), has 26 washes, and is uncompromised. Her id is 2-JC, implying that she is the second employee. I can't search up the first employee. dirk has committed a hilarious amount of crimes and is a stinky boy. he is alive and extremely hostile and once got arrested for "shits and giggles" roxy has committed several crimes including cyberbullying )(IC. dave strider 1 is half alive in a hospital- possibly related to second dave and dirk. crimes include being an asshole (+tall) and the sbahj movie. dave strider 2 is alive and stoic- crimes include calling )(IC a milf, lots of noise complaints on his record. brogarde strider is unknown except for the fact that he is possibly related to dirk and dave 2. most of his crimes inclue cyberbullying, and his very long arrest record mostly includes illegal possession of swords. rose lalonde 1 is alive and calm, at the location that Alice sent in her email. no crimes or arrests. rose lalonde 2 is alive and occasionally hostile, at presumably the same location as rose 1. offspring is unclear, crimes include anti-crocker propaganda, no arrests. ???? lalonde presumably Mom/ beta Roxy. no information. K: accessing her file led to a lot of blanks for name, status, bloodcolor, and projects. )(IC left a note that says ")(I SWEETIE <3" searching for K cause the system to shut down. there was a post on the tumblr that led to a code for another video showing footage of Roxy and Dirk that revealed the name of K- Kussinni. This name was used to finally log into the adfin account. Pat (as the adfin) made a few burner accounts that people can use. We got codes for MP, FP, EA, and DS, being the first few employees of the company. We did, well, adfin work, bumping up privileges for the adfin and guest accounts, creating burners for messages, etc. In classified documents, we learned that the 16 were set to beta test sburb in 2055. Brogarde is wanted ASAP so that he can be interrogated about strilondes. the timeloop file is largely redacted, but has to do with the 16 god tiering. We couldn't message )(IC, but we did get in touch with John for a few minutes before the system shut down. DAY 3  Jake is controlling the blog, though it is now shut down due to a massive security breach courtesy of Roxy and Dirk. Eridan has an account, and we used it to unblock Jade haha. People are talking to the person controlling the CC Discord! Their name is F which we knew from a code that we had gotten quite some time before)- we've been calling them Felix-  and they are a psionic!  They are an absolute 100% certified sweetie and we love them. They were taught emoticons, and even drew their own! They also invited dirk to talk with the 16. Dirk is currently just trying to get to Jake and de-crockertier him. After the security breach, Felix has not responded to anyone.

firstly, the tumblr led to a code to another video. The security breach was due to Dave 1 and Rosaline (both the older/alpha versions), who had infiltrated the Atlantic wing. 1000 drones were dispatched to deal with each of them. The video also showed felix- we now have confirmation that they are a goldblooded psiionic in control of the systems. felix/)(AI/Psiionic felix talked to us for a while! We learned that the breaches have mostly been sorted, Jade and Jane are both alive but in danger. jake is trying to work out Jades compromised identity. Felix told Dirk to piss his pants, and said "HE HE HE HE PISS BOY". Felix only knows the basics about the 16, such as their cl*sspects (which they needed to censor). Felix is not the only system, and the others are not friendly. Felix has only been "alive" for a few days, does not have a classpect, and got very upset when the deaths of the 16 were mentioned. Felix was made for the network to do everything, and vehemently refused to run a self diagnostic.  HAL/DIRK It seems that the Dirk we have been talking to was HAL all along. @ardentTheorist [AT] , dm'ing Dirk, was given a very fun challenge: to hack HAL. Hal had three files: Main, Backups, and Memes. Memes was password protected. Main led to a python file, captchas, perms, and art. when asked about unzipped programs, hal had the amazing line of "I have an unzip your pants program installed in me". not relevant, just very funny. Captchas led to something titled "Hmm.txt" Perms required an admin code. Artwork was simply dirk's canon art. Trying to get into the meme folder and guessing an incorrect password caused hal to shut down. Currently, the contents of the memes, permissions, and backups folders are unknown. Dirk, in response to a partially successful hack of his bot and frustrated about having to reboot Hal, claimed "Yeah, just rid a guy of his privacy. Can't have shit inside a bot folder." DAY 4  Felix: got a lot of new information from felix including ID's for a lot of characters. Kussinni is confirmed to be the Disciple, Sollux is Felix's repair guy who lets Felix get away with his art, and everybody is wearing tiaratops with the exception of )(IC and K. felix is inside of a moniter. Jade's files have merged with Jake's after her accident. Felix can access some cameras but has seen nothing unusual. Dirk was the last person who managed to access Jake's files before the passwords got changed. Only one account has the privilege to prevent people from getting locked out for guessing incorrect passwords. The led to a conversation between F and Dave 1 (David Strider). F, who is using the name Felix (he liked the name we gave him!!!) reached out to try to contact Dirk, but got David instead. David has a prosthetic arm signed by Dirk and Roxy. Felix happened to reach David because he is living with Dirk. Their house seems a bit crowded- it seems that David, Dirk, Roxy, Rosaline, Dave, and Rose the Younger are all living together. That leaves Bro, and ???? Lalonde with unknown locations. Dirk posted something that linked to a little conversation that linked to a discord user- David. People have been talking to him, and we have gotten some useful information amidst all of the memes. Firstly, David attempted to convince people that he was Roxy. This seems fitting for him, as identity theft was on his criminal record. David was probably the cause of the shutdown earlier, though it seems that he and Rosaline were able to get in and out of crockercorp relatively unscathed. This will lead to more security in the future, undoubtedly. It also is why we still have not heard from Felix in a while. David knows a bit about Sburb- he was very shocked to learn that he was talking to people who in time (2040) were dead. He knew about a couple of the 16s deaths, but not all. He did not know anything about the Timeloop (the file we could not access). he knows that Felix likes Dirk, which explains why Felix was trying to contact him earlier. Honestly, we got far more goofs than solid information. David hates being called old but will consent to being called Dadvid, just learned what a dilf is, and is 6'8 and buff. he hates cops. He's remained pretty tightlipped on everything, which is valid since he probably doesn't fully trust us yet. got a new video of dirk pranking david and making him piss his pants. DAY 5   The CC mainframe was rebooted. The person/ai running it is still using ID F, but it is no longer Felix. However, Dirk managed to get a backup of Felix before the system shut down and Felix is now inside of the glasses with Hal. Yes dirk ships Halix (get cucked, ardent). Felix no longer has a blacklist of information that shuts him down, but he also doesn't have access to the mainframe so he can only tell us what he remembers. When the system was rebooted, alice was sent an anonymous message written in binary saying "They found you". this message was sent two minutes before the reset from sector D, where sollux works. We have assumed that sollux has essentially been stalking us. alice responded with a discord tag in binary, so hopefully we will get in contact with Sollux soon. Felix used to have a physical body. The last thing that he remembers from it is being called from his sector by Sollux, who said that he had a "new task". Felix doesn't know Mituna, but believes Sollux might have said it. When sent an image of the Dolorosa, the Disciple, the Sufferer, and the Psiioniic, Felix said he recognized the horns of the Dolorosa and said that he had seen the Sufferer before, in a photo in Kussinni's office. He also has seen the Psiioniic, and Felix is not the Psiioniic. Felix saw him when he was walking to his new sector, and he was in a big room guarded by scary trolls. He was awake and when he looked at Felix the room lit up red and blue, and then sollux told Felix it was rude to stare. Currently, we're waiting with hopes of getting in contact with Sollux. We've gotten a message from sollux and he yelled at us. i'm hoping to get his discord so we can talk to him DAY 6 We got in contact with Sollux. we've put him in a lot of trouble and danger and we need to stop trying to brute force our way into the system, and we've prolly gotten most of the info we can out of it anyway. The only way we should try to get into the system is if we absolutely know the password and preferably run it by sollux first. John is alive. GT says he's doing "mighty fine and dandy" but, well, i dunno how realistic that is. Felix saw him a bit before he was reset and said that he looked sad, but okay. jake was standing in the doorway with him. DAY 7 Dirk has specific orders not to talk about the other striders, though from whom is unclear. A security recap shows that Sollux was sent to check up on Aradia, who is a very important and heavily gaurded project- Artificial Godtiers (implying she godtiered without playing sburb, possibly). She is in her dead god tier. When a mechanical voice said to run the task Timeloop, she floated off of the ground and the room was encased in red light. Sollux has not been heard from. We got the password to Aradia's account and finally accessed the timeloop file. It appears that if anything happens to the 16 before the godtier, the timeloop will run and reset everything. The CC needs all of the 16 to godtier so that they can exploit their powers. The creation date of Aradia's account is redacted, and she cannot access any other files. Sollux is alive, with no wash strikes. Dirk has gone MIA. He's infiltrating CC to rescue Jake. This is risky, and he didn't even tell David about it, just sent a few messages to certain people and left. I expect that he will shut down the system to get in, and hopefully I will get a ping when that happens. Dirk went to rescue Jake, leaving Felix and Hal behind. Hal, Felix, and David will all help us rescue Dirk, though they're unsure as to how. DAY 8  There's a new representative on the CC tumblr: PH. As there is no PH in homestuck but there is a Prince of Heart, it seems that Dirk's mission was. . .  unsuccessful. However, Hal is willing to work with us to save him. We've sent the Trojan file to the network, which will hopefully give us access to the cams. We can, theoretically, back up Hal and upload him into the CC Network; the opposite of what Dirk did to Felix. Hopefully Roxy will help us out. We aim to hack into a tiaratop. Roxy is going to back up Hal and then Ardent will upload him into the CC network. However, we should refrain from uploading anything to the network until we have Sollux's support. When we tried to upload the trojan file yesterday, sollux had to immediately kick everybody off of the system and implement a new password and he is not happy about it. however, that did get him to talk to us. he said that he saw dirk when he had to issue an ID for him, and that he looked extremely happy, though that isn't uncommon for new interns. His eyes were orange. I asked Dirk on the tumblr and he says that his left eye is red. Jake also has one red eye. This could mean that he is only half under control, and that we have a time limit for getting him back. Since Dirk and Jake are halfway there, it seems like its our turn to get them the rest of the way out. I will hopefully get a message from both Finn and Sollux when they are willing to talk, and I can get them to help us out. Our plan failed. But we got close. First and foremost: Finn helped. just a little; letting hal bypass a password, but it's absolutely something. I'll keep talking to him to see where we can get. When we tried to shut down Dirk's tiaratop, sollux yelled at us and deleted the files. sollux, while a cranky little bitchass coward who would rather block someone and pretend that his problems don't exist than actually do something (i promise im only still a little bit upset ;-; ). I tried to see if I could convince him to help, but he updated the security to ensure that we stayed out. I tried to tell him that we wanted to help Aradia, too, but he blocked me at the first mention of her name. (my bad) According to Roxy, Rosaline, Rose, and Dave all left the house to go somewhere. We got a new video that told us nothing we didn't know: it showed Dirk how Sollux described him; one eye red one eye orange, smiling broadly. His tiaratop is in the shape of the Prince crown. DAY 9 was widely uneventful- no answer from Sollux, David taking everything pretty hard, Finn is my best friend :). DAY 10 

 Dirk is a full employee. He's been artificially godtier'ed. It looks like hes similar to aradia- dead eyes. he is most likely being held with aradia. This might seem bad, but we can still save him. Sollux has a connection with Aradia and the AGT thing- this can work if we can get his help. The plan right now is, well, to come up with a plan. I'll talk to finn when he is offline and see if we can get confirmation about a lotta things and mainly see if he can contact Sollux for us. We'll continue to try to get in contact with Sollux. We'll work through this with the Strilondes and hopefully stay optimistic.

Sollux is willing to continue to talk to us!!! After a bunch of arguing, bantering, and death-threatening, he seems to have warmed up to us (he even friended me again!!! :3c). He just needed to be shown a little more kindness :). Amidst all the threats and cruelty, we seem to have learned a few things. CC can "bend time" and "redo anything", probably due to Aradia's powers. They could theoretically reset the timeline to before any of this, but that seems to be an empty threat for now. He can see all of the messages we send, even in hidden channels (we are Not going to witch hunt for a "mole" please and thank you) due to Hot Crocker Corp Tech. Sollux accepts how terrible his position at CC is, though this acceptance is mostly like the influence of the tiara. The tiaras seem to be influncing the emotions of the workers, numbing everything outside of their work. Sollux claimed that he was incapable of caring or remembering feeling happy or proud of, well, anything. He may say this, though it is still apparent that he cares deeply about Aradia. He talks about how pretty she is in her beautiful god tier outfit, and after some persuasion he even says that his favorite color is rust red <3. Unfortunately, the window that Sollux checks up on her through in only one-way, so she never sees or talks to him. This is what he meant when he said that he doesn't think his friends can see him.[5:31 PM]The superiors of CC are spreading propoganda to the workers about people dying when they tried to leave; it seems that they use fear tactics until their workers are completely numbed and controlled by the tiaras. There is no confirmation of these ideas being true or not. Sollux is still adamant about the fact that he is replacable; he uses this to frequently show his respect for Prod; another smart gemini. He mentioned something very curious- he said that the god tier powers of people outside of the 16 do not have to go unused. He told daven't to keep in contact with david for this purpose. As for the others: Hal and Felix seem to be fine, trying to take their minds off of what is currently happening and just enjoy watching some shows together. Both David and Roxy are getting hit pretty hard with everything, but will hopefully be okay. The system is currently shut down because pat mentioned heatbleeding to it. Sollux completely shut down the system at the first mention of it, so I don't think it'll work in the future. I'll hopefully get a ping when it goes back up, though I wasn't able to ask Finn for that before he shut down because it was so unexpected. Finn is very sweet and he's becoming more receptive to me talking to him (he uses exclamation points now instead of just periods!!!) so hopefully when the system goes back online i can talk to him more and he'll be willing to help us when we need it :) Now, this is kinda unrelated, but we should probably be careful about screenshotting most private dm's. Essentially, just don't let them know that you screenshotted it. We still need to make sure that everybody knows what is happening. The plan moving forward is to continue to talk, form allies, and get a solid plan :) . And that's all caught up! I will be posting recaps here at the end of each day from now on :)

[letterstothemidnightsociety]

THAT’S RIGHT BITCH! It’s October and I am still watching and inexplicably blogging about Supernatural - a dinosaur of a television show that’s been on the air longer than most children I know have been alive. 

I know I’m An Old because I don’t think kids these days understand the struggle it was watching television before streaming. We had to wait for episodes. Hell, I don’t think kids these days even really have to wait for seasons. I mean, Voltron premiered on Netflix in 2016, capped off their seasons at 13 episodes a piece and, oh yeah - aired seasons 5 - 8  all in 2018. Was I mad about that? No of course not. Do I also say phrases like “kids these days? Yes, so who even knows if what I think is relevant anymore. 

Alright, so speaking of seasons, last time I looked at pilots and pilot seasons and how the streaming era is changing everything we know about starting a TV show. But once you’ve got your pilot down, now what? 

Not this kind of pilot. Also, based on the prerequisites for demon possession, we’re all agreed this co-pilot’s like, an alcoholic, right?

There’s a rule in TV (sort of) that the first six episodes (some might argue the first season entirely) should be a kind of rehash of the pilot. The pilot sets up your premise and once you’ve got your pilot down, your job as a TV writer is to re-establish that premise over and over again. You’re building your world, you’re writing it’s rules. You’re setting up a template, a formula for how your episodes are gonna play out. This helps your audience get to know the characters, get familiar with your world, get comfortable spending time with them. Essentially, you’re getting your audience to trust the show that they’re going to be tuning in to for at least the next 20-some-odd episodes. 

I’d also argue that this is important so that later, you can break that format later. I’m not saying you should break the trust your audience puts in you, and that’s probably a real fine line of distinction. But if you break your rules right, it can hit the audience with a big emotional sucker punch. Or, it can stand out as a real breakout, tentpole of an episode - I’m thinking specifically about Ghostfacers! In season 3, or Once More, With Feeling, from Buffy. Those episodes work, really work, because they deviate from the formula, but they only work because we know the formula so well.  And these aren’t big changes to the way episodes are done, they’re just shifted ever so slightly that they felt new again.. 

So what is the premise of the first four episodes Supernatural? What’s the formula they set up for the rest of the series? 

Brothers. I said it in my last post, I’ll say it again, Sam and Dean/Jensen Ackles and Jared Jared Padalecki are what makes this show. Full stop. I think we could have gotten 5 seasons out of a show starring two other dudes. I do not think this show could have gotten 15 seasons with two other dudes. So from the pilot through Phantom Traveler, we learn that Sam and Dean have a sh*tty home life - their mother was killed by some mysterious evil thing and their father raised them to be little demon-hunting child soldiers while they look for the killer. Oh yeah, and Sam’s girlfriend died the exact same way which we will never forget because Sam’s gonna have a dream about it almost every episode from here on out. We set up the tension between the brothers - that Sam got to go to college while Dean stayed with their dad like a good boi. We learn that everybody hates each other probably because they are deeply and unhealthily codependent love each other so damn much. 

Next we get the basic rundown of the season arc: 

Dad’s on a hunting trip and he hasn’t been home in a few days. The Winchester brothers are looking for him and by extension, looking for answers as to what killed their mom/Sam’s girlfriend. We also get the basic rundown of every episode: dad is a mysterious and elusive sonuvuabitch, so every episode they go about, say it with me now:

“The family business.” I would also accept “Killing as many evil sons of bitches as I possibly can,” but why can’t I find a gif for it?!? 

Backtracking on this but you know what else gets hecking established with the Winchesters? Sam is the cute one with the people skills and the puppy dog face, so you’d naturally assume that he’s the soft one. No. Not the case. Dean is the Sofffft Boi. The SOFTest boi. Dean wants Sam to talk about his feelings, Dean wants Sam to not keep things bottled up, Dean is the one who desperately wants to keep a hold of his family and also is just deeply broken and traumatized on the inside and oh no, I told myself I wouldn’t do this but I did it anyway. Sorry not sorry. This watch, I’m really picking up on the fact that Dean is, weirdly, the Mom Friend in this first season. Like, he’s basically a Trailer-Trash-Teen-Pregnancy Mom who’ll give you spaghettios five nights a week and a shot of whiskey so you’ll quit yer bitchin’ and go to sleep faster, but he’s the Mom nonetheless. Later in this season and in other seasons, I think you even see him do his dumb-baby-best filling in as the Mom when John went off the deep end. Anyway, I have a lot of feelings and we don’t have time to unpack all of that so I’ll just move on.

RUDE.

Next we set up our Supernatural Bag of Holding - what’s in it? What are the mystical artifacts they use to kill those evil sons of bitches? First up is The Car. Damn, I am not a cars girl, but that 67 Chevy, it does things to me. 

This car has some weird pavlovian trigger for me, it’s not NATURAL. 

The journal. 

John Winchester, you journal the way I imagine a psycho killer journals and I would just really appreciate it if you could be ANY MORE ORGANIZED THAN THIS.

The Trunk Full of Weapons - I love that in these first few episodes (and possibly the rest of the series???) they give this HELLA conspicuous look every time they open the trunk full of weapons. It’s hilarious EVERY TIME.

No, you’re not being obvious at ALL, guys.

The Fake ID’s - from credit cards to impersonating feds, these boys are not afraid to break the law to save some lives and I feel like that’s...that’s the theme of the show maybe? They’re here to save people and they’ll do what they have to to do that? In a world that clearly establishes a dark vs. light/good vs. evil dichotomy, the Winchester make it their job to live in a world of grey? Basically? 

Next on the checklist for this first season of Supernatural - it’s spoopy. *Spoop mileage may vary.* I said it last time, but I’ll say it again: this first season aired at 9:00pm at night. That means it’s primetime stuff for the 18 - 25 year old crowd, but they don’t want to risk some 13 year old watching it and getting too scared before bed. 9:00pm is X Files time slots, Fringe time slots. 9:00pm says you’re gonna get something a little more gruesome and gory and shocking than at 8pm. 8pm is for Friends. Vampire Diaries aired at 8pm its first season. 9pm is for the real adult content (but not too adult because the audience is still mostly children). 

SPOOP!

But yeah, let’s look at the real horror vibe that you get off of these first four episodes. We talked about La Llorona from the first episode - this is a legit ghost that they fight. The kids at the end that literally drag their mom to hell? Pretty spooky stuff. The Wendigo in episode 2 is a literal monster of the week and so for me personally, it’s not that scary, but it is a cannibal monster that eats human flesh. Dead in the Water has vibes from both Jaws and Friday the 13th. Everything from the lighting to the sound design let’s you know this is a horror show, or as horror as you can get on network television. Listen to the scenes just before somebody dies and you get a nice creepy “Come play with me” whisper coming out of the water. I’m a little spooked just thinking about it now. Yes I know I’m a chicken, and I’m OK WITH THAT. And if we go past my season 1 disc 1 into episode 5, Bloody Mary is STILL terrifying and I STILL watched that episode with half my face covered. That’s where I am these days. It’s 2020 and the world is a nightmare but imagining Bloody Mary creepin’ out in my mirror does not need to be a part of it. 

SHE F*CKIN CLIMBS OUT OF THE MIRROR GUYS! I DIDN’T KNOW SHE COULD DO THAT!!!

Then we get Phantom Traveler and our very first case of black-eyed-demonic possession. Watching this episode now, it’s like watching someone’s home movie of their first steps as a baby. They’ve never even done an exorcism before guys! They have to read the exorcism rite out of the journal! It’s so cute!!! Let’s not think too hard about how they got that full sized bottle of holy water past TSA in a post-9/11 world. And try to ignore how poorly these special effects have aged - the smoke from the demon possession?? OMG! THIS EFFECT! I’m pretty sure I could make that effect with my first ever graphic design software on my, like, 2009 mac book pro. So cute and soooo good! I’m gonna leave that CG plane alone, they’re doing their best. 

SO cute and SOOO good!

You want to know what my favorite established staple of Supernatural season 1 is? The extras. LOOKIT these guys - 

Wendigo you have Cory Monteith who later goes on to star in Glee. 

You have Alden Ehrenreich, Debatable Han Solo, doing a lot of face work with very little dialogue. 

You have Gina Holden who is in SO. MANY. Spooky-type things! My personal favs are Blood Ties and Harper’s Island, but she’s in Fringe, she’s in the SAW franchise, she’s in the Final Destination franchise, she was in some deleted scenes on an episode of Teen Wolf! I LOVE seeing Gina Holden, anywhere she pops up. 

And speaking of Harper’s Island, you’ve also got Callum Keith Rennie who played John Wakefield in Harper’s Island, a show that was A+ Great and I highly recommend if you like Agatha Christie and/or murder mysteries. 

Honestly, Rennie looks like he’s about to murder a bitch in this episode of Supernatural, it is not a stretch to believe he’s a psycho killer.

Dead in the Water you’ve got Amy Acker, a regular in Joss Whedon and Whedon-adjacent type shows.

Good LORD, this wardrobe was SO 2000′s WB and it PAINED me.

And finally in Phantom Traveler, you have Jaime Ray Newman who also shows up in a lot of the shows that I like to watch. She was in Eureka, she was in Midnight Texas, both kind of terrible shows that I love because they are terrible, but she was ALSO in Bates Motel and Veronica Mars, which are generally considered to be more quality, so there’s that. 

This still implies that they actually LIT scenes, which is a SURPRISE TO ME. 

Point is, seeing these actors in Supernatural back in the early 2000’s felt like I was seeing the start of their careers. That may or may not have been the case, but as a viewer it was exciting to see them pop up again in other things.

So what about TV now? Do we still use those first 6 (sometimes more) episodes to re-establish the premise? Well, it certainly hasn’t gone away. Look at any network show that still produces 22 - 24 episodes a season and you’ll still see that the pilot season just keeps re-iterating the premise established in the pilot episode, specifically in anything that’s procedural - that’s you’re monster/problem-of-the-week shows. Think sitcoms like Brooklyn 99 or Superstore or dramedies like Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist. The reason being that these shows play in the traditional model of television - on a network, once a week. They are not releasing episodes all at one time or relying on their audiences to stream a whole season in one sitting. These are shows that still assume that someone out there is going to tune in or stumble across their show one night while they’re surfing channels (lol) and need to be told, no matter what episode they’ve just turned on, what the premise of the show is. They need to be formulaic so that people can pick it up anywhere at any time.

But what about shows that don’t follow this traditional model? I mentioned in my last post that seasons are getting shorter and shorter, so when you’re writing a show that only has (8) episodes instead of 22, how much time do you really want to spend establishing the premise? Because of these short seasons, you’re also dealing with shows that are more serialized and less procedural than their predecessors - meaning, you’re dealing with a show that focuses on a season long story (think Game of Thrones or Stranger Things where each episode is an important chapter that you can’t skip) vs. a procedural (think the shows I mentioned above or any cop drama really) where each episode is it’s own contained story, neatly wrapped up at the end. These are shows where you can skip an episode and still know where you are in the show no matter where you start or stop watching. Supernatural is a little bit of both - procedural with their monsters of the week AND serialized with a season long arc. We’ll talk more on that in a later post. 

Not only are we getting shorter seasons, but we’re also dealing with shows that are not released over long periods of time. A few streaming channels, like Disney+ and HBO Max, make a deliberate point to slow-drip their seasons, but most streaming channels will release entire seasons in one shot. You don’t need to worry about your audience missing an episode because they have 24/7 access to all the episodes all at once. And for the most part, they’re designed to be binged. They start at full speed and they don’t slow down to keep driving you to the finale. 

Do I think the procedural is ever going to go away? No. As much talk as there is about dropping the cop drama from TV all together, I think audiences still love a good mystery series. And you can’t just think of procedurals as cop dramas either - a procedural also covers most if not all sitcoms. New Girl, Letterkenny, Parks and Rec, Superstore - these all have a premise that doesn't change from week to week. They may make tiny shifts away from what they set up in the pilot, but by and large, you know what you’re getting into any time you turn on an episode. I think we as an audience still like that kind of familiarity. We may be seeing a bigger swing towards more serialized content, but that doesn't mean that the procedural is dead and gone. 

So that’s what we’ve got for Supernatural - two dudes, driving around in a car full of spears and hand guns, killing bad guys. Some day, they may even find that father that’s missing. What could possibly go wrong? A lot. Stay tuned.