#I’m going thru a midlife crisis I think

[stupiterjupiter]

Going to an early 2000s party and I’m literally just wearing clothes I would wear to class

[transmascfrankiero]

i am too sprung forward to develop this thought the way i really want to, but.

RE: gerard wearing “corporate cog sellout” outfits. a big thing in american culture is the concept of the midlife crisis - that people wake up one day to find themselves middle-aged, and freak out, because their lives are nowhere near what they dreamed of in their teens and 20s. they start behaving erratically as a result to try and reclaim their youth, which takes many forms: buying a new sports car, for example, or dating someone new who is several years their junior, or abandoning their current lifestyle to pursue the dreams they lost sight of as they matured. said abandoned lifestyles are often career oriented, particularly office-type (i.e., corporate) jobs. a traditional, or at least well-recognized, version of that narrative might go something like this: person in corporate career reaches middle age and abruptly realizes that they are miserable. they decide to quit their corporate job and pursue their lifelong dream of becoming a rockstar. the lifestyle of rock stardom, however, ill-suits them, and comes across as forcing themselves to be someone they’re not. a poser, if you will.

it’s interesting to me that gerard, a middle-aged rockstar, has chosen these corporate career-oriented outfits more than once, suggesting a narrative thru-line of a character archetype. to me, it gives the impression of something of a reverse midlife crisis; a rockstar who decides that maybe they do want to settle down and have a more “normal” life instead. i want to be clear that i’m in no way suggesting that gerard themself is experiencing a real-life crisis! but it’s interesting as a possible narrative. gerard posing as a corporate worker while actively doing rockstar shit. idk i think it’s a neat idea

[ironmandeficiency]

pedro boys + spending habits

word count: fuck if i know, wrote it thru the app

characters: din, marcus m, dave, pero, marcus p, oberyn, max, frankie, whiskey, maxwell, javier, ezra

a/n: idk what caused this to happen but it works i guess. hope they make sense

✨support my ko-fi✨

trust him with your money, your drink, your social security number, everything:

din. this man is barely scraping by on his own when you first meet him. when he adds the kid to the mix, he gets even more frugal than he already is with an old as sin ship that many people are surprised to see fly. he will have a policy of “you earn it, you choose what to do with it” and since he goes after most of (if not all) the bounties to keep you all alive, he has the final say in how most of the credits are spent. he does want you to have nice things though, so he makes sure to configure the budget to where you don’t have to pour your credits into the group’s survival money very often. it’s the least he can do. he’s very big on taking care of his people and will show that in small ways.

marcus m. he’s a single dad for a significant amount of time, he has no choice but to be responsible with his money. he has to take care of missy, keep them both fed and housed and healthy, and that’s not even touching on how expensive all of high school graduation and college will be once she gets there. he teaches missy very early in life how important money is bc he doesn’t want her to ever know how it feels to not have enough. he makes a considerable amount of money w the heroics tho so he can afford to responsibly splurge on you both, but not constantly. is very cautious abt the splurging becoming a habit

dave. yeah he may be a murderer, but he’s scary great at managing his money (to continue being able to murder). he’s got his ex wife’s alimony (that still pisses him off but that’s another story) and two girls he takes care of, there’s no other choice for him either. there’s never a worry about dave having a midlife crisis and spending money on some stupid dad thing (like a motorcycle or assless chaps or a country club membership) because he murders to keep his mind off that sort of stuff. files his taxes diligently every year the day tax season starts and will pass this wisdom to the girls.

pero. he’s very good at judging if you need something or not. if it can’t feed you, keep you healthy, kill someone, or protect you, you don’t need to buy it. definitely not a man who indulges in trinkets and frivolous things that do nothing but weigh down his horse and his person. will encourage this way of thinking with whoever travels with him to whatever extent he can, but won’t be a dick about it if you have something sentimental on your person. if it’s a necessity, he will splurge on a bed and bath at an inn but not much else for a while. cheap because he has to be

marcus p. i don’t think i have to explain this one so i won’t. no i’m not being lazy who said that?

maybe you’ll be fine if he’s in charge. maybe:

oberyn. being a prince (and himself), there are different ways this could go. he spends his money frivolously at brothels & on his daughters + other loved ones (as well as other luxuries) and doesn’t really seem to be the type to keep tabs on it all as he goes. but... he’s a prince in a prosperous kingdom and so there isn’t really a worry for money. he’s known as the red viper for many reasons, including his clever nature and the ease with which he can get what he wants thru whatever means necessary. if you want for something that he can’t buy, you know he will find a way to get it for you (which can be a problem sometimes).

max. he’s good with money in the sense of perpetuating capitalism — that’s the red flag here. hell, he’s gonna be investing into bitcoin and who knows what stock market bs & bc it’s max, of course you trust him. max can’t control the stock market tho, so sometimes things are a little iffy. it always evens itself out though, and you make sure in the future that he invests his money instead of your joint money. he’s still gonna share anyways, it just helps you have a little more peace of mind.

frankie. he just wants to take care of you, okay? you can’t fault him for that 🥺 he maneuvers his budget around to make sure he can do all these nice things for you while leaving his own needs unchecked, which isn’t okay. he just wants to provide for the ppl he loves the best he can, but the problem begins when he starts to think he isn’t doing enough. his insecurity & lack of self-worth (fueled by his guilt for “not being everything you deserve���) is what makes him agree to the Trip™️ in the first place. once he comes back & sees you frantic, only wanting him home and not giving a flying fuck about the money, does he realize that you’re devoted to him and not what he can do for you.

whiskey. working for statesman made him forget what things really cost bc he suddenly never had to worry again about not having enough money. being with someone that isn’t practically made of money will snap him back into reality. he looks at his bank statements and his balance occasionally, but our big spender cowboy hasn’t really counted money as something he worries about for a while. when he constantly showers you in expensive gifts (only the best for his baby, that’s his motto) and you tell him that he has to not do that bc he’ll go broke, he plays it off because he doesn’t remember having to worry. separate bank accounts are only because you want to make sure your money is being spent smartly (even though jack has offered constantly to pay for literally anything you need).

don’t give him anything you want to see again:

maxwell. as much as i love this dork, he’s absolute shit with money. when his business is falling apart (bc he made the stupid ass decision to buy the oil rigs no one wanted bc they weren’t producing oil), he throws it all into saving face and trying to make investors buy into something that isn’t there. what a smart business man would’ve done was liquidate his assets and possibly try to get into a business that will yield at least some profit. he does learn his lesson tho and eventually can be trusted with money, but even he is hesitant to do anything with the household finances. he’s a dreamer, and dreams and money are the same as oil and water.

javier. i know you’re possibly surprised but hear me out. he’ll go all in to get info, whether he’s spending american taxpayer money or his own money or anyone else’s, if it’s valuable info that can be bought, it’s gonna be bought even if he goes without groceries for the next two weeks. before being with you, it was booze and prostitutes and cigarettes that ate away at his checks outside of buying information. the only thing that really changed once you got together was the prostitutes and slightly less cigarettes and booze. however, when he goes back to laredo permanently, he’s perfectly capable of keeping his shit in line. he’ll balance every checkbook in sight and run a tight af ship.

ezra. this man is a scavenger by necessity, a con man by choice. he has a silver tongue and a roguish charm and pretty questionable morals; he’s not gonna have any issue with getting his hands dirty. he’s probably gonna use your joint money to try and pull a fast one on some unsuspecting stranger (“it’ll double our money,” he says, “it’ll be fine,” he says), but then said stranger will end up turning the tables and leave you both absolutely broke. yeah he will feel guilty, no doubt. the only problem is that he won’t take it as a “hey don’t do it again” lesson, it’ll be a “this is how i can improve for next time.” eventually you have to put your foot down and take control of the money and when he realizes that you’re improving your lives much better than he is, he will thank you for it.

all pedro character taglists: @likeshootingstarsinthenightsky @obirain @leias-left-hair-bun @themarcusmoreno @catsnkooks @captainrexstan @mackstrut @torradoza @simping-for-fives @stardustsunrisekisses @darthadeline @artemis61003 @majorshiraharu @getdookuedon @capricornrabies @max--phillips @darklingveracruz @book-of-anarchy @andysficrecs @purelypascal @whovianwar @lv7867 @hornystarwarsbisexual @kaermorons @princess76179 @pedropasscals @greeneyedblondie44 @seasonschange-butpeopledont @qhbr2013 if you don’t want to be tagged, lemme know!! the link to join is in my bio

[dughole]

my relationship to julian casablancas is like i will go thru his instagram posts and heart every single mean comment anyone leaves about him ever but i also wake up in a cold sweat every month thinking about first impressions of earth. so. everyone is like “omg representation is important” UNTIL i’m like actually the cringe ass midlife crisis nepotism baby of indie rock is bisexual. hes horrible and he has had gay sex.

[thegrimalldis]

I’m sorry, but if I was Max, I would just give up on trying to reconcile with Chris. It’s just that both Chris and Margot can’t move on from the past and it’s hurting mainly Max who has tried his best for fix his mistakes, but can’t get them to forgive him. Max should just be there for Chris when he is in trouble and that’s pretty much it. Maybe in time Chris will come around, but I highly doubt it.

I ain't gonna lie, I would not have Max's patience with Chris! But, he feels as though he owes Chris everything. This is probably why he keeps his mouth shut about Chrisemi's spending habits. 😔 When Eleanor and Edmond were small, he was a part of their life- an actual dad to them. Then he went thru that midlife crisis and messed everything up 😭 He missed a lot of Chris's childhood and he feels guilty.

So he's not going to give up on Chris, I don't think he ever will 😔

[lakanakana]

Random numbers for you kana

2,15,27,50,89

wait bro i completely forgot the concept of ask games when reblogging that but let’s gooo

2. Do you mourn for a place or person you’ve never known? 

??? I have never even thought that this would be possible like whenever I’m asked about my stance on abortion I always ask them if they miss the sibling they never had (unless ofc their parent has had a miscarriage which would be super awk and rude). Brb having an existential crisis

15. Do you think you’re special, or just another person amongst billions? Can you be both? 

This meatsack I’m piloting is no special boy bro.

27. Are you afraid of growing old? 

I’m in a constant state of midlife crisis. For some reason I’ve started believing in the weird ass statement that women older than 21 or 25 or 30 have no human value. Wtf? Like I think this is linked to sex appeal but you don’t even need that to be a valuable human being? And when it DOES come to sex appeal I don’t even need to look anywhere to find people who like women over 30 bc I myself love them???? Are there people that think older women have zero sex appeal? Ok I think that this is going too far into the tmi territory and people will start calling me granny simp

50. What do you expect from a friend or partner? 

Aside from the “Brutal list of things women want from men - number 12 will leave you shocked!” like bathing and not being abusive I think my list of things for friends and partners are pretty much similar if not identical. Since I tend to gush about a lot of things like fandoms and other stuff, I think I want my friends and partners to have some kinda special interests too? I know that this is both super vague and super precise but I just love listening to people enthusiastically talking (and sometimes monologuing) about their special interests

89. If you lost all your memories, would you have the same personality? 

Aight I’m about to get a lil sidetracked here: For some reason my memory is already like super bad. A couple of times I have literally fought with somebody on the internet and just a few weeks later I’ve completely forgotten their entire existence and literally made acquaintances with them again? 

I have a pretty close friend and when I was looking thru our chat history on discord looking for something I found that we’ve been fighting if my queerness being a mental illness and me cutting all contacts with him altogether. Apparently during a couple of months the dude either changed his views or stopped being that vocal about it since I’ve made gay jokes with him later that wouldn’t fit his (previous?) views and he hasn’t batted an eye.

But legit if I lost all my memories it would mean losing all the social skills I’ve learned bc I’m terrible at reading social cues and understanding other people’s emotions and I have no idea why? In a nutshell I would be totally fucked

[intothespideyverses]

so I had a season 2b/3 predictions post in my drafts that’s been sitting there since the bar mitzvah episode but now that so many Things have happened I feel like I kinda need to redo it. funnily enough I predicted juffy (but it was one-sided), ham having a midlife crisis (although the midlife crisis was linked to ham having a health scare that caused him to try to ‘live every day like its his last’ and not ham being so Done with his family that he just leaves them for india) and the post also mentions tyrus and g*briel coming back (neither have been been confirmed yet but they’re very likely) so! here’s my New and Improved list of Season 3 Predictions/Ideas:

[Disclaimer: I doubt a lot of this will happen bc my mind automatically goes for the most melodramatic scenario. This is still disney channel and they’re too cowardly to go thru with like half of this tbh. also tw for minor abuse mention!]

The G*briel Plot

-g*be comes back and reminds bex of “””why she can never marry anyone””” just as bowie is about to bring up maybe getting back together again. the reason why they shot a wedding scene and the whole green screen thing is bc bex has a nightmare about marrying bowie but then everyone’s heads turn into gabe’s. the following is literally copy and pasted from the first post and tbh I don’t think things will happen this way anymore (I originally thought miranda wasn’t going to be a snake and that her and bowie would get married, leading bex to run back to g*briel so andi could have a father figure in her life again) but it’s still a p interesting plot I think so: g*be’s an abusive asshole. it’s still disney so I doubt they’d show that much but like…he’s very manipulative and he kisses bex really hard all the time in front of everyone and he’s super possessive, etc. he gives bex the silent treatment every time she hangs out with bowie and thus the whole “ask if they’re mad 3 times” thing and on the third time he always yells at her in front of andi. andi notices all of this and tells bowie but bowie thinks she’s just saying that to break bex/gabe up so she can get back with bowie. that is until he witnesses the tomfoolery himself when the couples are on a double date so bowie takes her aside and starts questioning her but bex lies and this whole ugly thing continues on for several episodes until bex and satan have one last fight that goes too far (he says something about andi probably) thats about to get physical and andi strolls in w/ a phone in her hand like 91 fucking 1 bitch. pack your bags ur going home rat! and he’s finally gone and andi tells bex that she doesn’t need another dad if it means bex puts herself thru that kinda torture. and they have another closure ceremony <3

The Divorce Plot

-ham decides to permanently travel the world. he probably comes back for an episode to get cece to sign them divorce papers. this starts a huge plotline that will probably get ignored after 2 episodes lbr here but we finally see cece SNAP bc the way she’s been behaving lately has definitely been leading up to that

-bex is going off the rails at this. she starts slacking at work and the business that caused the rift in her parents’ marriage in the first place is starting to fall apart. the light bill is going unpaid and bex is crumbling. she doesn’t want anyone to know so she makes andi stay at cece’s while she’s living in darkness. bowie visits one day and is like “tf happened to the lights” and bex has a breakdown. she tells him everything and bowie comforts her and offers to help (how? who the hell knows!). bex is so touched that she admits to having feelings for bowie still. bowie turns her down tho bc she’s in a rly emotional state and doesn’t want to take advantage of her. 

-andi eventually finds out what’s been going on and tells cece. cece is the last person bex wanted to know about cloud ten struggling, as cloud ten was the only thing keeping cece sane. they eventually have a heart-to-heart and bex/andi encourage cece to get some closure from ham

The Wandi Plot/Death of Jandi

-wandi rises. they resolve to just be friends at the end of season 2 but after a lot of things that I’ll mention later, andi realizes walker was the one for her :’). they paint a mural alongside cloud ten and cece makes some offhand comment about them becoming a painting duo, which they LOVE. they go around the town offering to paint on the walls of local businesses and it’s rly cute. god can you imagine the montages?? andi is in puppy love however we have like 5 episodes of her despairing over if walker even LIKES her anymore after months of just being friends. the roles are reversed and she’s the one doing all these things to get his attention. bc he’s not an oblivious Fool like jonah, walker picks up on this relatively fast and wandi is official!!

-that leads us to what will come of jandi? they perish of course. andi starts getting jealous of jonah hanging out with all these high school girls and naturally there’s more and more miscommunication and jonah whines about her friendship with walker etc etc etc just break up already god. andi eventually realizes that she’s just not feeling it and she puts her foot down to bex that he’s just not right for her!! bc tbh at this point the only reason she still fw jonah is bc of bex’s constant encouragement 

The Tyrus Plot

-tyrus happens obviously. if we ever actually get a real apology from tj (which I’m doubting at this point lol) this can happen smoothly. I kinda imagine tj trying to teach cyrus how to swim (swimming is definitely on cyrus’ list of things he can’t do) and the first time it happens tj is SO sure cyrus will be able to do it that he lets him go out on the deep end on his own and uh lmao ya boi almost drowns. buffy’s there and she saves him and she tells tj to stay away from cy bc hello he could’ve McDied and tj, crushed over the fact that cyrus could’ve met a watery grave, actually does what she says. cyrus tells buffy that it was his dumbass decision to go on the deep end tho, and tj didn’t make him do anything he didn’t want to do, so buffy relents. cyrus practices by himself and makes it his goal to learn how to swim in order to impress tj. he invites tj to the neighborhood pool one day as a surprise and he just like...cannonballs into the deep end (but he’s STILL not ready) and again almost fucking dies. tj saves him and he starts yelling at him a la titanic (”you’re SO stupid rose why’d ya do that huh???”) and then tj lets it slip that he would’ve mcfreaking lost it if something ever happened to cyrus bc “you mean a lot to me underdog” or w/e and during this whole rant cyrus realizes that he’s floating!! and he’s like yes bitch i did it im swimming! and tj’s so happy for him that he kisses him and cyrus almost drowns again from shock but it’s all good lol. maybe tj avoids him for a bit after the kiss bc cyrus’ reaction seemed like a rejection, but it wasn’t cyrus was honestly just shook to the core. 

-cyrus lets tj know that he likes him too and they start dating. they definitely keep it a secret from the ghc for a while, probably until the midseason finale. maybe jonah finds out first and that’s how cyrus comes out to him and tells him that he used to have a crush on him too. jonah is flattered and cool w/ it. anyway at first tj doesn’t like going on rly public dates with cyrus, not bc he’s ashamed of him or anything, but bc he doesn’t want anyone to make fun of cyrus (he can take ugly remarks but he’d hulk out if anyone touched a hair on cyrus’ head). cyrus doesn’t care tho and the one time they go on a date, some kids from tj’s school (he’d be in high school by season 3 right?) start messing with them. tj does in fact hulk out but only when one of the demons says something about cyrus. cyrus hauls tj off the creep and they talk in private about not wanting to live in fear but also not wanting to get harassed everywhere they go. when cy tells andi, she tells them that maybe they’d be safer if they went on double dates with her and walker, and so that’s a thing and its cute

The Juffy Plot

-anyway by the season 3b, both wandi and tyrus are thriving. they all hang out a lot leaving buffy to feel like a fifth wheel. she hides it tho bc does she ever express her feelings? she soon finds out that jonah is feeling the same way, and he thinks andi and cyrus don’t rly want to hang out with him anymore. buffy starts inviting jonah to all their outings and anytime the two couples are on a double date or something, buffy and jonah decide to do something else together on their own. cyrus takes note of this and tries to push buffy to ask jonah out since they’re practically dating already but she refuses bc he’s still andi’s ex and that violates girl code or w/e. 

-she goes to bex for advice! but she uses a hypothetical situation instead and changes names. bex, unaware that she’s telling buffy to go after her daughter’s ex, tells her to follow her heart but keep it a secret. meanwhile, jonah is slowly but surely realizing his feelings for buffy, and goes to bowie for advice. bc jonah’s a fool, he doesn’t know buffy has any feelings for him whatsoever, and he asks bowie how he can make her see him That Way. bowie, recycling ideas, tells him to perform a song for her but to do it as if he was just practicing and wanted to see if she thought it was a good song. jonah also doesn’t tell bowie that this is all for buffy lol. 

-so jonah invites buffy to the record store to hang out while wandi and tyrus are doing wandi and tyrus things. he plays some song for her (chemistry perhaps?? i still haven’t heard it yet but if its as good as y’all say...) and buffy is all heart eyes!! until she assumes that he wrote that song for another girl. there’s more unnecessary tiptoeing and drama for an episode until jonah notices that there’s something Up with buffy (she started avoiding him) and demands to know what’s going on. she doesn’t feel like talking about fEeLiNgS so instead he challenges her to arm wrestle. if she wins, she has to fess up. buffy’s like “um?? so all I have to do is let you win” but jonah’s like “like you would ever do that lmao”. she almost lets him win but bc he starts taunting she slams his mf arm into the table!! she fesses up and jonah’s like :D bc duh bitch that song was for you this whole time. they keep it a secret bc of bex’s foolish advice but eventually cyrus finds out and tells them to tell andi. andi’s upset at first but she gets over it. the three couples live in harmony 

The High School Plot

-we see more of the high school now that jonah (and tj?? unless he has to repeat a grade which is seeming likely actually) are there. jonah, who’s used to being the big man on campus, gets bullied for liking frisbee so much and is shamed into doing a “real sport” instead. he hates it and is miserable. he puts on a good face for the ghc bc he doesn’t want them to know he’s struggling. it eventually all comes crashing down when he has another panic attack (the first one in a while after starting therapy WHICH HE BETTER). also we get a look at his home life, I hc that he’s adopted and has a lot of foster siblings that have a lot of their own issues, so he constantly downplays his own bc he doesn’t want to be a “burden” and be abandoned again

-amber becomes a part of the crew and hopefully maybe just maybe is a lesbian. she starts hanging out with a bunch of sapphic baddies. she and jonah become friends and they help each other with their respective mental illnesses 

-through jonah, buffy makes friends with the high school track lesbians <3 they adopt her. one of them tho is Evil and is jealous that some middle schooler is getting all of this attention from the captain so she tries to break buffy’s fucking leg akjhskjdhds I told y’all this was melodramatic 

das it. disney you can send my paycheck to [redacted] within 10-12 business days.

[random-chibi13]

Realizations as 30 closes in

I wouldn't say that I'm having a breakdown or even a midlife crisis, but I have had to deal with certain realizations in the days leading up to my 30th birthday. When I was rounding 20 I had an idea of what my life would be like by 25 . .. by 30. I was with someone who was great, we talked about marriage and kids and basically planned everything out:

- Married by 25

- Kids by 27

- All the while attending pens games, going out and staying true to our weekly date of Rock of Love and Chipotle.

Needless to say, that didn't happen. We broke up, went our separate ways and I won't lie that when 27 hit it was a little rough, but I was happy to still be free to travel the US kid-free.

When I turned 28 I thought that I had en even clearer vision of where I would be at 30. I wasn't in a job that I wanted as a career but I had high hopes that I would strike it as a writer or actor, sell a New York Times best-selling novel while making it famous with a break out role in a blockbuster hit. Obviously I was day dreaming, but a girl can dream big can't she? I had recently lost a job that I thought for sure was the "one" but in all seriousness, I was in a stable love-filled relationship talking about marriage (I'm seeing a theme here), living together and enjoying our nights together whether it was making homemade dinner or going out to a speakeasy. We were enjoying ourselves and each other and I thought that would at least make it through 30 with a possible white wedding on the horizon. Alas, he had different plans yet negated to involve me in any of the decision process so I was completely taken off guard especially since we were mere months away from our week long vacation to Disney for my 29th birthday (and my very first full marathon). I was broken. Here I was thinking I was finally getting somewhere in life, in career and in love and in one foul swoop, one destructive year I lost everything. I was broken for months, but as with anything one must push themselves and never give up.

By the time I turned 29 I was standing in the middle of Universal Studios having just been chosen by the wand in a wand choosing ceremony at the Wizarding World of Harry Potter when I realized that I didn't really care about where I was supposed to be in life. I was enjoying myself, genuinely getting lost in the moment and for once at peace with most of the decisions I had made. It lasted about . . .a day before I realized that it was back to the real world. Back to moving again (at this point I had moved pretty much every year or so since I was 19). Back to living the single, lonely life surrounded by people who had hit the marrying age and the age of popping out babies. Back to figuring out my life.

I'm just a few days out from 30 (2 days exactly) with no foreseeable marriage or family life ahead barely scraping by in a new job while working 1-2 other jobs and here's what I've realized:

1) Every day is what you make it and you most certainly need to make some time for yourself. Whether it's reading, creating something, running or doing yoga (all of which have been my attempts to better myself a little every day and to push myself) do something by yourself for yourself. Be comfortable finding peace with yourself even if it's just for a half an hour every day. You deserve that.

2) Making your bed and breaking bad habits don't get easier or better with age. I still struggle to make my bed every day which is something that I'm pretty sure I was better at when I was in elementary school. But it's worth it to come home to a room that not only has you written all over it, but also looks put together. I challenged myself this year to try to make my bed every day this year with hopes that it will turn into a daily habit so never stop setting daily, monthly and yearly (attainable, healthy) goals for yourself.

3) It sucks being alone while everyone else is happy and in love around you. It gets lonely. You don't see your friends as much and honestly you don't really want to be surrounded all the time by happily married couples. And that's okay. It's better to be a little lonely then in an abusive relationship (If you are in one, get out - you deserve so much better and are worth so much more than that whether you want to believe it or not) or in a one-sided relationship.

4) Either times were different or your parents made this whole adult thing look a lot easier than it actually is. Growing up my parents owned a local business open 9a-5p Monday thru Saturday, raised two children, were part of a bowling league and were members of a country club. Here I am working 2-3 jobs at a time, raising a healthy 14-year-old Australian Shepard, sharing a house with a roommate and attempting to pay off my student loans so that I may one day have enough money to afford living on my own. How did they do it?

5) Disney World and Disneyland are just magical when your 9 or when you're 29. In fact, I think I was bigger kid when I was there at 29 than when I was a kid. You also realize that you have a the freedom to enjoy yourself, ride as many rides as you want and to hug Mickey (believe me, nothing feels better than a good old hug from Mr. Mouse). I enjoyed it and the marathon so much that the Walt Disney Full Marathon falls on my 32nd birthday in 2020 and I want to go back to challenge myself to a challenge (ie: Dopey Challenge)

6) 30 may seem challenging but prepare yourself by setting up chosen challenges for yourself. I challenged myself to run my first full marathon in Disney World for my birthday. It takes you out of your comfort zone and shows you just how strong you can be. It was both the best and worst time of my and I wouldn't change it for the world. Do something that you wouldn't normally do, take a class you wouldn't normally take. It makes you stronger.

So bring it on 30, I'm ready for you with wine in one hand and a tissue in the other.

[seigaku9th-blog]

japan week three ➜ sea opening premiere event

on july 22nd, i went to the sea opening movie premiere & cast talk event in osaka. i've been curious about the movie since it was first revealed that mario (7th eiji) & wada (6th tezuka) would star in a movie together, so i was thankful to get the chance to see it as soon as possible!

but of course, seeing mario & wada in person was even more of an incentive. i actually had no idea that saeki daichi, who you probably know as iwatooshi in toumyu, would also be there! i've developed some sort of stockholm syndrome towards tsubasa, ryo & him since i really enjoyed the first toumyu cast, so it was a lovely bonus.

i saw mario earlier this month in kurosute already, but seeing him as himself was just that much more amazing. i felt less starstruck this time, yay!! he feels like he’s constantly tense, it's especially funny to see after i met ikkei earlier this month, who is so loud and extra and talkative and comfortable, while mario has all of his attitude and spontaneous burns and ruthless honesty while also being so quiet and slightly awkward... i love this strange child

wada is. such a star. he's so big and charismatic and funny... he literally ran & slid unto the stage... and his smile. god. Father... protect me... also he's twice mario's width

i think it took a record time of 10 minutes for them to start talking about tennis LOL daichi is the one who brought it up!! i'm convinced he's a fan now, i remember him doing the same thing in an interview with tsune & mario in a recent cast size issue... they made oujisama jokes and talked about the audition process i was like yo dudes let it go (no, don't, please continue.)

since there's a baseball scene in the movie, wada brought up the Unnoficial Tenimyu Graduates Baseball Association, and said that tatsunari (7th kaidoh) & him formed a battery together!! i was so !!! at them mentioning him lmao. when i got home, i went to look at those old pictures of everyone playing baseball together and noticed that it was true, there’s pictures of wada in a catcher uniform, tatsunari pitching & them sitting together?? (here & here)

while talking about this, wada kept making a swinging motion with his arm and the MC was like WHAT IS THAT and they were just like tennis... tennis.

they asked mario how it felt to have turned 24 and i think wada had a midlife crisis in that moment... they also um... talked about how wada & mario went to a public bath together... (me sweating and it's not bcuz of japan's summer heat)

at some point the MC asked wada something and mario just started talking over him and wada was like HE WAS TALKING TO ME!! i was very emotional to have witnessed classic 7th asshatery in person...

we were allowed to take pictures of them in a short little photo op as a form of promotion, a bit like when 9th first wore their costumes at TSCPP, remember? they were so extra in their poses for the other sections of the crowd, but when it got to my section mario kept leaning on wada's shoulder i was emotional and also my pictures are so terrible and shakey i wasn't prepared for this

we were given a photobook, the making of DVD & a clearfile for free! it's amazing! the photobook is so gorgeous! i also bought every single bromide set because i couldn't choose... i can't believe this event only cost 6000 yen considering everything & everyone involved...

on to the movie itself! i want to keep this spoiler-free since i really want everyone to get to experience it when the DVD comes out. i will try to buy & share it once the time comes.

i went into this screening with incredibly low expectations, and came out utterly impressed. i actually genuinely adored the movie, even beyond the actors involved. i feel like the director inspired himself from xavier dolan's movies honestly hehehe

i had a roller coaster of perspective towards mario & wada's characters, where as soon as the movie was announced i was praying for The Romance (cue the daimao jokes) and then with the trailer i was worried it'd be yet another classic edgy queerbaiting pseudo-gay-but-actually-not-really movie (very common with movies featuring 2.5D actors) and then... Ah.

mario's character is textually gay and in romantic love with wada's!!!!!!! i know this is a spoiler, but whatever, it's too important!! and it was so beautifully done. i’m actually glad the movie wasn’t marketed as ~BL~ because it did feel more sincere than that.

i was so impressed and incredibly touched by mario's performance, as well as by his character. being used to him playing cheerful/eccentric/silly characters, it was so interesting to see him playing a more subdued and believable character. i guess you could compare it with his performance in udagawachou and see just how much he has improved as an actor.

mario portrayed his character with so much loneliness and melancholy but such pure and open emotions, it hurt but it was so beautiful. as a gay person, i was really able to connect with his performance, and i was so happy to see mario playing him.

as for wada, it's hard to talk about him without spoiling things, but aaah. i definitely had a crush on him but i think that's the sole purpose of every character ever played by any tezuka actor ever

by the end of the movie, i think everyone in the theater was crying & sniffling, me included... i had to try to not laugh thru my own tears over the people who were literally sobbing... me whenever i see mario's face

that'll be all for now. feel free to ask me questions off anon if you'd like more details/spoilers about the movie :D!!

[littlewolfdiaries]

BOB SIS

ok let me prepare myself for this--- she's 5, book age --- dirty blonde sandy hair --- she's your basic little kid tbh --- actually pretty chill and quiet --- complete accident --- it's kind of like that tiny dog you get when you're going thru a midlife crisis or menopause--- bc your kids are old now essentially --- Bob's mother literally uses her as a doll--- this girl will go shopping in a hot pink dress with pearls and white gloves on--- she's a total diva --- no one wants to see this child after 15 yikes--- I'm not sure on her name but--- it's something ridiculous for a little girl--- like when you see babies being named Walter and Harold and William--- William's actually not that bad I take that back--- But anyways, I'm thinking Georgia --- Pronounced Georg-ee-ah not like the American state --- That or like Meredith or something --- Bob lowkey resents her--- He doesn't really interact with her--- He's nice to her, of course, but part of him hates how much attention she gets --- Bob will bring in his room for awkward conversation tho when their parents are bad--- He goes to her for advice sometimes --- She just gives a straight answer it's refreshing --- She's been used as a chick magnet before--- Ngl

[burningawaytowards]

Friends

Originally wrote December 2016, edited January 2018 due to typos because I was sick. All the content is still the same except I have to add Christy to the list of crazy nonfriends. I made another post about her tho…cause it’s a doozy. 

Unfortunately, I’ve been sick the last few months. I was recently diagnosed with Graves and Hashimoto disease. It’s probably the sickest I’ve ever been and it’s almost debilitating. I haven’t had much support either. My aunt and my husband with a couple of friends are the only people that have been there for me. I’m blessed I have those but I’ve had to kick some good, best friends out of my life and I can’t help to think that if they were still in my life, I would be feeling better because I’d have more people to rely on but the cold hard reality is… They weren’t there for me when I wasn’t sick, they won’t be there now. And here’s why:

In chronological order from first to last:

*Lillie; She was the first best friend to stab me in the back. Everything changed after she met and married a man with a Ph.D. Her “blue collar” friends were nothing. She started acting better than us, she was hanging out the pretentious snobs that didn’t understand the concept of hard work. Then one day I stuck up for a mutual friend of ours because Lillie and her merry band of assholes kept leaving her out intentionally AND rubbed it in our mutual friend’s face. That’s all it took, I was public enemy #1 to them after I stuck up for our friend. I tried to make amends, even tho it wasn’t my fault and they slap me harder. Lillie would post on her facebook, to people that didn’t even know me, that I was a horrible person. She was calling me a horrible person while being horrible to me.  Lillie and her friend Mindy tried to get me fired from my second job, a job I needed cause I was a single mom to Two boys and I was trying to make ends meet by working two jobs at once. They tried to get me fired cause they thought it would be funny. They thought it would be funny to ruin my life and my kids’ life but They write on social media about how wonderful and loving they are.

*Melinda; She just can’t stop lying. Everytime I turned around, I caught her in a lie. She very creepily flirted with younger boys also. When Melinda and I reconnected, my oldest son was 14 at the time. She very openly flirted with him. She was 34. Before we reconnected, I heard rumors that she liked young boys but I didn’t listen. I don’t listen to rumors but after seeing her flirt with my son… I believe everything about her now. She is a predator and that’s why I dumped her. Honestly, she needs to be kept away from children. 

*April; I wasn’t close to her but she was Melinda’s best friend and April is a notable skid mark in my life. She’s a pathological liar. (Just proves my point that you only hang out with people who are just like you cause Melinda was a liar also) April was plain crazy! And not interesting crazy… Just crazy. Something deeply wrong with her. I showed her a picture of us from back in high school and she cussed me out and told me it wasn’t her. I mean, what the fuck??!?! Right before I kicked her out of my life, I found out she was lying about being sick. Lying to get money. I basically found out she was a con artist…. But according to her and Melinda, I’m the worst human being on the face of the planet. Did I mention that Melinda and April also know Lillie? Yeah, what’s that saying about three peas in a pod? There’s not a saying for that, well there should be.  April would also post on her facebook about how homosexuals should be killed and black people were beneath her. I wish I was joking. Melinda and Lillie are friends with this monster.

*Luke; He was an old gamer buddy of mine. We were super close. He was in love with this sleazy chic, I was in love with her equally as the sleazy brother. So Luke and I had many very drunken nights, whining to each other about our dating woes. Some of the best times of my life. But all good things must come to an end, I guess. My priorities changed, his didn’t. Even after he had a child with this trash girl… When she took off and left her child, you’d think his priorities would be to the motherless daughter but no, it was to the worthless mother. Luke wouldn’t take care of himself. His toddler daughter was taking care of herself while he sat all day and night and played video games. He couldn’t even close the kitchen cabinet doors. He wasn’t depressed, he was just lazy. Major difference… Then, the worthless mother came back into their lives after 7 years of barely being in their lives. (and one attempted kidnapping, she tried to kidnap their daughter when she was a couple of years old) and Luke opened the door and welcomed her and got her pregnant AGAIN. The trashy mom is now in prison for breaking her parole because she almost killed Luke and their daughters but Luke still writes, publicly on his Facebook… about how he’ll be waiting for her when she gets out… 10 years from now. *edited February 9th 2018* Luke and I reconnected a few months ago. Of course he’s still hung up on Mandi but didn’t seem as bad. Mandi apparently got out of prison way eariler than anyone expected. I think it was good for about week after she got out and then, complete chaos. She’s using drugs again. She’s cheating again. Luke isn’t that innocent either. I think some girl was sending him naked pictures. I’m pretty sure mandi made Luke unfriend me on facebook cause she’s jealous lol. It’s not Luke’s m.o. to unfriend anyone, so I know that bitch was behind it. I kinda like being a threat to someone…and not because I’m a badass or something menacing but I’m a threat because I’m a better person. 😊

*Tabitha; Tabi is complicated because she’s my cousin by marriage. We went thru a lot together. We’ve laughed and lived hard. She was my rock for a while… A long while. I guess that’s why it was so hard to let her go and what clouded my judgment about her… But I broke away from her and once I did, I realized what she was and she was abusive. She is the classic mental abuser. “You’re nothing without me. ” Her own mother and grandmother tell all her friends (or rather her now ex-friends) that no one likes her and she can’t keep friends. She has one friend, and that friend is just like her. (again, two peas in a pod… Must be a theme here) Tabi is controlling and manipulative. I’ve always knew it but I didn’t realize just how bad she was until she started dating her now husband. A man who is a horrible human being. He’s just like tabi but I honestly think tabi is worse. ( short story about them. Her husband was drunk and abusing tabi, she told me to call the police. When the cops got there, he fought them. They arrested him because he was resisting arrest but yet They both blame me for his arrest.) Aaron, her husband… Would get paid, Runoff with his paycheck, and tell tabi he never wanted to see her again. She was controlling of him and I guess he got sick of it. Tabi would make his life a living hell until he came back, all because she was claimed to be  “codependent and proud.” She purposely got pregnant by him also, to trap him. Right before they got married, she was mad at him because he was flirting with his female coworker. She told everyone that Aaron raped her constantly but when I told her to go to the police she said she didn’t want anyone to know, yet she told everyone, even complete strangers, that he raped her.  She later told her mom that he didn’t rape her, she was just mad at him and wanted everyone else to be mad at him too….she married him a month later. There’s a lot more to tabi also. She has been arrested for drunk driving several times but hired a lawyer to fight the charges because  she said she shouldn’t get in trouble for being “ depressed and wanted to unwind.” but she didn’t care that she could have killed someone. She use to work at a Dr’s office. She and her coworker would steal his prescription pad and forge prescriptions for pain pills. The dr found out, he fired them.. Tabi and her coworker collaborated on a phoney sexual harassment charge… They sued him and won. They settled out of court. Tabi spent her money on fancy furniture and purses. She now works as a nurse at a local hospital. Tabi is the epitome of evil. Tabitha is also the reason why we have a good security system with cameras because she’s claimed to have burned down a coworkers house because her coworker didn’t return tabi’s DVDs. If you think I am just writing rumors, no..tabi has told me all of this herself. 

* Michelle ; I was friends with Michelle for 10 years. She was OK at first and for many years but she just would not shut up. When we talked on the phone, I would spend an hour or longer just listening to her…talk..non stop. She was soooo annoying but I didn’t want to stop talking to her because of that cause we all have something annoying about us. The last few years tho, she changed or she was just always like this and I never noticed or she never showed me how she really was until now. I also think that Michelle was going thru a midlife crisis, considering she was close to 60 years old, the age most people go thru a midlife crisis. She also had brain damage, I’m not trying to be mean either..she told me that she had brain damage from an accident when she was a little girl. Michelle started dating married men. Not one, or two but several. At first I thought maybe she just didn’t know cause she has a long history of Internet dating. Maybe these men had horrible relationships (not likely I know) or Michelle was just a victim of these guys lies and she was native. Nope. She knew what she was doing and I couldn’t condone it. She also started acting weird. Like she added thousands of people on her facebook that she didn’t even know, I never got the reasoning behind it but she would give out personal information to these strangers. I would point out to her just how dangerous that was and she would tell me that I was just jealous. Crazy bitch, I hope no one has killed her because of her stupidity.  She’s now friends with all my old ex-friends, friends she never even met but heard about, like Melinda.  She actually stalked and tracked these people down. It reminds me of the movie Single White Female… It must be nice to so immature.

*And finally Shannon; Shay was my best friend for 15 years. We were close… But distant. I could text her whenever I needed to and she with me but she’d never go out of her way to see me. Her extent of our friendship was texting. She’d travel over God’s green country to visit other people but never me. She was 5 minutes away from my house once and never tried to come by. She knows also that it was hard for me to leave my house because I have two children with autism that have nervous breakdowns if we leave home for long. Plus I have a wonderful husband that works all the time to support us and I never had a car to go anywhere because my husband worked 2 jobs, 7 days a week.  So she understood why I never could get out but she did nothing to try to be my friend.   I saw her true colors when she started blowing me off when I was upset. She blew me off cause she met a new friend. A new friend with a young daughter that Shannon pretty much aggressively started raising because it filled the void of Shannon’s own daughter that tragically died when she was just a year old. Shannon pretty much stepped in just took over. Makes me wonder what kind of mom her new friend is. Who just lets a practical stranger raise their kids? Weirdo. Shannon just up and left me behind but whined when I dumped her. Her husband started talking down to me too, trying to make me feel like I was stupid after Trump won. They were republicans but they couldn’t tell me why…seriously, Shannon would tell me she didn’t know anything about politics but yet she just knew Trump would be the better president because that’s what her family said. I was a Democrat, so her husband thought he could abuse me because of it. I call it the Trump effect. I honestly think that is how most of Trump’s supporters are too, not smart and basically just doing what they are told.Typical.

May I also add that all these people talk shit about me. They all blame me for their shitty-ness, some of these people I haven’t talked to in years but I’m to blame for their lives now. That’s not how it works. I’m won’t be their scapegoat anymore. This is the reason I needed to vent. Fuck them! If anyone is looking for the truth about these fuck nuts, here it is. Like I’ve  said, I still have very good, very awesome friends… But I still feel very lonely. I’m trying to not become jaded cause I know my other friends have a lot in their life also. I haven’t exactly been there for them but I do try and they understand. My best friend is taking care of her poor dad who has dementia. Another friend just had another beautiful baby and moving. A few of my friends work 60+ hours a week. And one of my friends lives thousands of miles away. It’s just hard being the friend that can’t leave her house. :( I know things will get better, there’s no doubt about that… But I also know it’ll get better without the assholes I listed. Trust me when I say, even tho I am super sick…. my life is better without them!

[peoplearehorrible-blog1]

Jan 20th, 2017

Today is the day. Its Inauguration Day. Some people are excited! Some people are scared to death. Then there are some people like me who just want this day to be over with. Ever since my 30th birthday I have begged for time to slow down so I don’t get to old. However I’m now 31 and I begging for 2020 to get here so Trump can be voted out. I don’t care that I’ll be dead in gay years or that I will be headed towards my midlife crisis. I just want that fucker out of the White House!

I’ve read so many status’ on facebook and meme’s running around the internet about how people refuse to give him respect just like Republicans didn’t give Obama respect. Listen to me now if you will or have ever listened before. In my book you have to earn respect. Obama: No matter your opinion! Has earned respect! Trump has earned my fist upside his head as I yell obscenities and kick him in the ass. Trump has belittled everything about me without evening meeting me. He hates gays (I’m gay), He hates gay marriage (I’m married and gay), He mocked a disabled reporter on national television and then lied about it (I’m technically disabled and I hate liars), He has also bashed every race, sex, religion, or person out there. He went thru his campaign with hate in his heart and “Christians” all over America voted for him. Whats this tell you? This tells you that what you preach upon is bullshit. You can not preach on a Sunday morning on acceptance and do not judge, thou shall not hate, and then go out on Monday with your KKK outfit on. No it doesn’t work that way Hypocrites! 

I’m all for doing what you want to do. I mean this is America Land of the Free! However that also means that I can do what I want to do. If that means Marrying a man than shut your eyes and let us be. You don’t need to know what me and my husband do behind closed doors. If you are that kinky and want to know then ask, I’m pretty open about it.

This day has been a day where many different Men have stood up and taken a vow to protect this country and what we stand for. What we stand for is Freedom. Trump is about to take that same vow. However he does NOT stand for Freedom. At least not freedom for everyone. If he has it his way I will be slaving my gourmet ass off in a kitchen making pastries for rich white ass holes white my husband is sent off to a concentration camp to get the gay out of him. (I wouldn’t be sent to a concentration camp because gays make the best gourmet pastries and after Trump tasted mine he would want to keep me flaming!) Thats not what I want. Me and my husband have plans for our lives. We have planned on having a baby within the next 4 years. Thats not going to happen if Trump passes a law against us. 

All we want in life is each other, a family of our own, a house of our own, and to be left alone. How hard is that for you Christian Extremist? Leave us alone. We are not hurting you. You have not seen or heard of a Gay guy running into a Church and shooting a bunch of Christians or Gays Picketing Straight Funeral or Weddings. Thats all you! Gays are classy people. We are to busy sipping our white wine to worry about what Brenda from St Baptist thinks of us. We don’t care. So leave us alone.

Trump I pray that you turn out to be a good president that does not fuck up our country. I pray that you do whats right (normally that would be whatever your gut tells you not to do). I pray that you take this country and continue it on with where it is heading because we are heading in a good direction. Do not set us back 300 years we can not afford that and The generations that came before us to fight for what is right do not deserve that. I know there will always be hate and racism, But I need you to set aside your hate and racism for a brighter tomorrow. I need you to set your sexist ways aside for 4 years so our kids don’t grow up thinking this is  how we treat women. I need you to stop being such a rick jerk and start being that smart business man you claim to be. I need you to follow in Obamas footsteps and show us we were wrong.

Republicans and Trump Supporters: I need you all to shut the fuck up and allow us to treat Trump the way he deserves to be treated. Until he earns our respect I will not give it to him. I will not respect him until he shows us that he is going to protect all of our rights. Not just your right to hate and be racist! So sit down and shut up. I’ll speak my mind as I need to.

Trump I’m going to be your biggest critic so if you fuck up I’ll let you know. I’ll let you know when you step out of line. By the way the first thing you can do as President of the United States is pay your damn taxes. The second thing you can do is get the fuck off twitter you are worse than a 13 year old school girl who lost her boyfriend to some other chick. Shut up and become a man.

Can we do it? Yes we can! This is my slogan. America isn’t going to be great with you in office not until you show me and the rest of us that you can do the job.