#I’m genuinely hurt by this idk it’s naive and stupid but I’m genuinely hurt

[newvision]

Ever think you’re connecting with somebody and everything they’re saying is a well written script they send to multiple people

[absgay]

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇ “I still remember the moment we met, the touch that she planted, the garden she left. I guess the rain was just half that effect.” ⋇⋆✦⋆⋇

words count: 1.7k

“No need to imagine, cause’ I know it’s true. They say all good girls go to heaven, but bad girls bring heaven to you.”

warnings: 18+ minors dni, angst, grammar, f*buddy!abby, college!abby, sexual tension, some jealousy, idk i’m not good at this, smut.

part one, part two, next part.

Fuck this, fuck them, fuck her. You didn’t want to see Abby Anderson ever again, you didn’t want to talk about her or think about her either. It started with a basic conversation between two young women in the bathroom, comments, intrusive questions, then came the facts and revelations, the ugly truth.

“Idiot— So stupid.” you murmured as you went down the stairs. You needed some time to digest it, some space. Unfortunately, the universe didn’t seem to be on your side today. “Shit.”

“Hey, sweetheart!” Abby shouted as she stood in the hallway. Great timing, great, great, great. The blond’s enthusiasm died as you headed to your room without a word.

You weren’t surprised but frustrated as she followed you. Leave me alone, go away, fuck off. You looked down and sighed, you didn’t feel tough enough to confront her. “I don’t wanna talk to you, Abby.”

“Okay…” She responded with an uncertain tone. You felt small, naive and weak as an intense sadness stabbed your heart. “At least, tell me why or what happened to—” Abby’s gorgeous blue eyes widened as you kicked the door. “Hey— Stop.”

She seemed genuinely worried as you unlocked it, after the second try. She spinned you around by the wrist, asking questions, trying to understand what was going on with you.

“Did something happen or—”

“I don’t know, you tell me.” you managed to say after a few seconds, even though you were overwhelmed by your own emotions as they all fought together. “I feel so dumb, Abby— I thought things were different between us, I thought I was different and—” Don’t cry, don’t cry, not now. “But it’s not, because you fucked Nancy at this stupid party and then came to the library, flirted with me and decided it’d be fun to fuck me as well. You know what— You’re no better than the others, you’re nothing more than an asshole who pretends to be nice and to have morals so she doesn’t have to face any consequences.” Outch.

Abby didn’t say anything at first, shocked and confused. It was a nightmare, it couldn’t be real, you weren’t actually mad at her, right? She swallowed hard, your words and tone held so much disappointment and hatred, it fuckin’ hurt.

“I— I’m gonna be late for practice.” She turned around, ready to leave but at the last minute, decided to take another look at you. “I don't know what she told you, what you heard or whatever but I pulled away as soon as Nancy kissed me.” Abby said. “You’re the reason I went there in the first place. I came and left with only one thing in mind, you.”

You almost called the blond’s name as she walked away, almost. You shouldn’t have said that, any of it. You stood in the hallway and listened as Abby slammed the door hard on her way out, heart heavy and thoughts racing.

“Do you remember how you two first met?” Your roommate asked. She was looking at you from across the room, seated at her desk. “God— You were so angry.” She laughed.

Yes, unfortunately. It started back in autumn. You were in bed, complaining, groaning and turning around endlessly as music blasted from someone else’s room, once again.

“Where are you going? Hey— Trust me, it’s not worth it.” Your roommate had said to you. “They’ll stop eventually.” You didn’t listen and headed to the stranger’s room with determination.

You knocked once, twice, thrice, the music stopped. You looked around the hallway as you waited, ready to argue with whoever lived here. But as the stranger opened the door, you stepped back, captivated by the attractive blond woman standing right in front of you.

“Oh— Hey.” she said. “Can I help you?”

She looked really, really, too good. “Yes.” But, you couldn’t let the woman’s appearance distract you though, attractive or not: she was still annoying. “Shut down the music and let us get some fuckin’ sleep.”

She smiled, leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed over her chest. “I don’t think we’ve met before.” You sighed at the blond’s flirtatious tone. “I’m Abby.”

“And I’m exhausted.” She huffed, chuckled even as you stood there, frustrated by her reaction. “I’m serious, shut it down.”

Abby leaned towards you with a smirk. “Sure— Anything for you.” Then, she stepped back and shut the door in your face.

Your mouth dropped. “What the—” She had turned the music back on. “Fine.”

From then on, you annoyed each other on a daily basis. On some random monday night, she’d decide to play with your nerves by blasting music until one in the morning. On tuesday, you’d tell everyone she has chlamydia. An immature game you both secretly enjoyed at the time.

One evening, as you were coming back from a friend’s party, you saw a woman leaving Abby’s room, once again.

“Neighbour.” Abby nodded at you. “Nice dress.”

“Dickhead.” She chuckled softly as you stood in front of her, arms crossed and thighs pressed together, the blond’s eyes lingering over your bare legs. “Well— You must be exhausted after your fifth dick appointment of the day.” It sounded bitter, which made you regret it instantly, your stomach twisted in jealousy and embarrassment.

She hummed, amused. “Yeah...” Abby stretched exaggeratedly, then flexed her biceps as you rolled your eyes. “But don’t worry about it, I can ruin my sleep schedule and add a sixth one for you.”

“How thoughtful. I’m gonna have to decline the offer though. You see, I’d rather get some sleep than chlamydia.”

Abby frowned. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Why does everybody keep saying that? I don’t have chla—” You chuckled and looked away. “Oh, I see— You’re truly something else.” Abby said. “Now, there’s better ways to get my attention.”

“Right.” You snorted at the blond’s face. “My mission in life.”

Abby huffed and leaned towards you. “Okay— Listen to me, smart-ass. I’d fuck you so good, you’d see stars.” She hummed, looking down at your parted lips. “Yeah— I’m sure your pretty mouth would feel good on mine. You’d sound so sweet moaning and screaming my name, needy little brat.”

Your heart stopped, time stopped. You couldn’t think straight anymore. It was unexpected, bold and so hot. Flustered, you remained silent in shock as Abby looked at you attentively, trying to decode your features. The blond’s face was so close to yours, yet so far away.

“Admit it— You want me.”

“What, no— You want me.”

“I do.” Abby confessed. “And— I must be an actual masochist, because you’re a pain in the ass, sweetheart.”

You hummed, swallowed hard, your cheeks flushed, knees weak, panties soaked as she stared at you with such nasty, hungry eyes. Fuck, calm down.

To be honest, you didn’t want to deny the sexual tension between you two anymore. It was an unwanted attraction built on curiosity and frustration, heated conversations at midnight, arguments in class, flirty comments at lunch, short glanced at parties, unanswered questions as you both secretly wondered: What if? How would it feel? How would it be? Gentle, rough, passionate? So many possibilities, so many hidden feelings, so much desire.

Unfortunately, as much as you wanted to know, as much as your body ached for hers, you didn’t wanna be one of these women, the one who leaves the blond’s room in the early morning glow and hopes she’ll call them back soon, because she never does.

“I don’t wanna be your sixth dick appointment of the day.” You stepped back.

She sighed. “Well— Technically, it’s past midnight, which means you’d be the first one today.”

You chuckled and shook your head as she smiled. “Goodnight, Anderson.”

“Goodnight.”

You turned around to head back to your own room, emotionally wrecked by the blond’s last few words. Luckily, Abby didn’t want you to leave, wouldn’t let it happen, not so easily, not like that. You yelped as she grabbed you by the wrist and pulled you into a kiss, your eyes widening, your body collapsing against hers.

“Fuck— I’m sorry.” Abby breathed. “I should’ve asked you first. I didn’t mean to— I thought we were— I don’t know.” She sounded so nervous, it surprised you. “Say something.”

Shit. A one-night stand couldn’t hurt, right? You needed to feed your curiosity somehow. “This is a one time thing.” you murmured, the blond dragging you into the dark room instantly as you responded.

Abby moaned softly as you pushed her against the nearest wall, your body overwhelmed by lust, the heat rushing down to your stomach as you kissed the blond passionately for the first time. Abby’s hands moved down to your ass, rough palms and thick fingers disappearing underneath your dress with eagerness.

“Shit—” you breathed in shock, the blond’s hands ripping apart your panties as she groaned against your neck, like an animal. “No, no— These were brand new— I fuckin’ hate you.”

You moaned and pulled at Abby’s braid, eyes closed and head falling backwards as she kissed your shoulder, then bit it. “Oh, Yeah— Do you wanna fight about it?”

“I do.” you whispered back.

Abby sat against the headboard as you lay between her thighs, your back pressed against her bare chest. She moved one hand down to your stomach and smiled as you whined in anticipation, eyes glancing at the blond’s hand approaching your inner thigh. Abby’s fingers moved across your clit teasing it, her mouth dropping as she sensed how wet you were for her.

“Please.” you murmured, frustrated. “Please—”

Abby’s second hand covered your mouth as she touched you, fingering you hard and fast, your moans and whines muffled, your own hands gripping on the woman’s veiny arms.

“Look at me.” Abby murmured with a serious tone. “Oh, fuck— You’re so pretty, so good for me.” You whined at her words, looking up at Abby with bright eyes, your mascara ruined by the sweat and tears. “See— I knew you’d love it."

“Abby— Fuck.” you cried between short breathes as the blond’s hand went from your mouth to your throat. “I’m— I’m—” She added pressure, smirking.

“That’s it, that’s it— Fuck, sweetheart— Come for me.”

Yes. You remember the quiet hallway, the rain, the sunrise as you headed out quietly, the shy glances and smiles you both shared at the door. Abby’s hands catching your waist, the blond’s lips capturing yours as she held you tight one last time, before letting you go.

Yes, you remembered it all too well.

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇

next part.

[prairiedust]

one thousand days of destiel, or cas: fuckerupper of endings

Idk why I’m crawling out from under my woodpile to write this, except that it occurred to me that in three years I’ve not rewatched a single episode of Supernatural and have at least two dozen tags yet blacklisted on tumblr, and that I am still not okay about this stupid show.

I never tried to tie up the folklore/author themes I’d been geeking out about through the last seasons, neither as the show was ending nor afterwards. I’ve been simmering now for over a thousand days. I could not even write a complete sentence about spn for all this time, and so I just left that pot on the back burner and did other things. Finished my Master’s degree. Started a new job. Saw my oldest child graduate from high school and move off to college, and helped my younger child move on to sixth grade. Watched some other shows, got a new blorbo, saw some movies, started painting again, picked up a couple of new hobbies as I am wont to do.  

Today is the 5th of November, 2023. (ETA i sat on this for a bit.)

November 5th, 2020, was exactly one thousand and ninety-five days ago.

I see gifs from the show from time to time and I think to myself, wow, that scene/episode/series is completely irrelevant to my life now. I am fine and normal about everything. But if it really was, if I really was, it would not hurt so much to see the gifs and the lyric posts and the amvs when they aren’t caught in my tag filters. So maybe it’s time to get some things out of my head and onto paper.

I genuinely, nearsightedly, naively thought that since Dabb et al had been the ones writing the whole folk v author themes, and thus posing as someone we could count as being on “our side,” the folk-side of the postmodern audience, they’d honor that conceit, even to the very last shot. 

They did not.

And yet… they absolutely did.

Which hurts and is fucked up, but also it’s fine. It’s fine.

In the end, the only “folk hero” (by which I mean the only force in the spn universe capable of warping the threads of the story with any permanence) was Castiel. When Castiel left the story (of his own volition, if you can find a comfortable layer of this meta pie for that concept to rest in,) the writers reverted to God Mode. Because Castiel had been their freedom, their mouthpiece, their avenue for improvisation, and so at the end of the series…

well, we got You changed me/I love you

   •

and then we got “Cas helped.”

So much has been written about that pivot point, but genuinely I don’t give a rat’s ass about rewrites, producers, the cutting room floor, or COVID. It exhausts me, and I’m not beholden to writing about spn for grades or notes or any kind of other bullshit that would oblige me to do research.

I feel like… we got what we got.

So let’s criticize some media.

The Paradox: 

Cas imploded— went from flexing the narrative from within to being narrated by a force from without. And I couldn’t bear to wrap my head around that for a long time. It seemed that this “twist” was beyond cruel. That’s what he got. Vanished and nerfed. For saying ily. That was what happened when he was finally in focus, fully revealed. He lost. He was relegated, along with Jack, to become heaven’s Two Men and a Truck.

It was a trick, the whole “Chuck is a writer” plotline. The Author regained control of the character that had previously been acting independently. Very Pirandellesque, very frustrating, ultimately even tragic.

So, yes, thematically and critically, having Castiel give up his Agency for Characterhood– giving up his ability to create plot for a role as a character in a plot— was ‘literary’ brilliance. It cemented his status as a grand fucker-upper of the show in a way that any show writer “authoring” a requited destiel ending would not and could not have done. Even Jack, I believe, had been “manipulated” into god-hood from within the narrative. Jack was Dabb’s grand metaphor, he was a product of Author. Castiel was… well, he was a chaos engine from the moment he walked through those barn doors. 

To seal the metaphor, the writers ended up living that truth.

I really don’t know if I’m being cogent about this. I’ve been struggling to turn this idea into words for, like, ONE THOUSAND DAYS.

The folk-vs-Author themes becoming A Thing in The Supernatural Show was like a chemical reaction: once the ions had bonded, the resultant compound could not be separated back into the different materials. What on that screen was Author, what was “author,” ie show writer, and what was text-experiencer-as-author? Where did the Sam-as-magician arc go, what were we supposed to do with the semi-metatextual moments that Mary had, having been brought back into the narrative by Amara, not Chuck? Everything got so out of control. Add in a smidgen of secret-sauce-TPTB possibly superseding the author/Author, and what you get is that ridiculous mess of a final two episodes.

It’s not about the rusty trombone or the butt hole pleasures. It’s about love. And kids.

Thank you, hon. It really is. (The above line was left in this doc by my spouse. It is a quote from The 40-Year-Old Virgin. I’ll allow it.)

Anyway. It was hard to see past the sound and the fury of it all. 

*****

I was feeling nostalgic several months ago and took a swim in my old meta tags; I found a gem from season…10? Idk and idc, but it was from “The Things We Left Behind.” 

I compared Claire to Sleeping Beauty (a tale that got a lot of use in later seasons) and wrote: “I tend to think that Castiel’s entire arc is about desperate and unintentionally misguided attempts to Change The Ending of whatever story he’s shown up in” and reading that again really kind of sucker-punched me.

‘We’re making it up as we go’ was the crux of Cas’ existence. Remember that half-related story in Baby wherein Cas got himself hitched to the Djinn queen? Remember when Jack died and the Empty came to claim him in Heaven and Cas made that terrible bargain? The last-minute attempt to gank Lucifer that actually got him killed and sent to The Empty?

Time and time again, Castiel’s go-to for “changing the narrative,” for advancing his plot, is self-sacrifice. In Chuck’s house against the archangel. The Leviathan disaster. Saying ‘yes’ to Lucifer. The Bargain for Jack in Heaven. And those times it worked out. Not without great pain for both the other characters and for the viewers, but he always came back. 

And with each return, his motivation became clearer. (Picture your favorite screencap of Dean here.)

Cas’ love grew, crystalized, and then disappeared, like frost on the windowpane of a house on fire.

If they had continued the CasDean storyline, it would have ultimately been The Author IRL writing/creating/manifesting/materializing ‘destiel.’ And so by putting a torch to all of that architecture, they essentially gave everything to us. Unspoilt. Fingerprints wiped. Serial numbers scratched away. Jailbroken. Whatever floats your boat. 

The confession was both affirmation and abnegation. Symbolically, The AuthorTM had washed his hands of it, but with destiel out of the picture, The Author also got his ending.

This is why “Cas helped” felt like a ‘fuck you.’ If Cas was out of the narrative, why did he come back as one of Heaven’s real estate developers? It did not fit. 

And yet. It did. Because Chuck won. Chuck, or everything that an Author represents in television land– TPTB, showrunner legacies, multiple producers, a chaotic and treacherous and politically messy writer’s room, multiple incompatible or unresolvable MOs and visions— all that ends up being packaged and presented as a single unerring vision.

So I have to admit, although I don’t have to do it with any ion of grace, that in the end it was pretty fucking smart.

Destiel is ours. Destiel is the folk ending. The Author never got to touch it, never so much as breathed on it, was so far divorced from the concept that the absence thereof going forward hit us like a truck full of bricks.

Yes, it hurts that Dean was just left on the floor until the credits rolled, that there were no final words, no ensuing acknowledgement. 

I’ll go so far outside the Text as to address the ‘Dean can’t reciprocate’ direction from one of the scripts:

If Dean had made a single move onscreen. Uttered a word. In Despair or either of the other two episodes.

Destiel would have been claimed by The Author. 

Anyway. I’ve been collecting posts now and again under the tag ‘the endless folklore of supernatural.’ For three years, the fandom has continued to loot, to ransack, to graffiti, to create and re-create, to burn, to mix, and to distill. 

There’s all kinds of things in that tag, it’s sort of a kitchen sink of everything that I thought was even tangentially relevant to folk-Destiel and the postmodern experience of creating text as a reader/viewer etc. 

We turned a literary story based on an urban folktale back into folklore. 

And so it goes.

I doubt I will do much more analysis of this show, even if it comes back, and I unfortunately can’t touch The Winchesters. But I can’t say I never will. I just thought three years, one thousand days, was a pretty good place to leave a marker on the trail.

—

Epilogue: About The Winchesters:

I did not finish watching The Winchesters because of something wildly, randomly, but highly personally triggering that was built into one of the episodes; however I am very sorry that it was canceled or possibly ironically lost to the WGA-SAGAFTRA strike of 2023.

“What is the maddest thing a man can do? Let himself die.” That’s the clue that leads Castiel to his hidden grace in a copy of The Man of LaMancha in 10.18 ‘The Book of the Damned,’ written by one Robbie Thompson.

I noticed from the get-go that Thompson gave Carlos the last name Cervantez. He was nodding to the self-immolation of the last cadre of writers of Supernatural and stating clearly that he was holding a pen, not a match.

Want some very fun and amusing and wildly pertinent facts about the Don Quixote books?

The narrative conceit of Don Quixote IN THE FIRST PLACE LOL is that Cervantes claims to have found a manuscript by a historian named Cide Hamete Benegeli and Cervantes thought the story was pretty neat, if a little rough; Cervantes retells the story for us from what he’d read by that author, distilling the “original” into the book we experience as Don Quixote the Man of La Mancha.

The final words of Cervantes’ Part One are “perhaps another will sing with a better pick.”

Later, someone publishing under the pseudonym Alonso Fernandez de Avellaneda wrote their own part two, feeling that the original author was taking too long to get their ass in gear (or judging by their own preface they felt that Cervantes had not even done the original story justice in the first place. Which is A Mood.)

So when someone actually did have the audacity to run off with his characters and commit word crimes with them, Cervantes absolutely obliterated the dude in his own Part Two. 

Thompson left Spn after season eleven. But, lest someone think this is a commentary about fan fic, he also wrote the episode Fan Fiction. So anyway all the Cervantez-Cervantes business was certainly something.

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

ahh okay, i finally have a break, although my brain is absolutely dead, so pls bear w me if this doesn't make any sense ! 😩 anyway, i love that ur fic made me dream about him! any ewan char has to be a good dream 😂 but the cartel thing i think was bc my husband has been watching Narcos and so i was hearing it in the background yesterday lol. Michael and a cartel was an interesting mix lol

but onto your fic!! (TW: a lot of smut talking and spoilers to "Stuck On You" for anyone else who might be reading this) Ugh, idk where to start bc i literally loved it so much!! i think I've talked about before, but i love dark fics in general, but **especially** yours bc i think you capture it so well. you could tell me you majored in psychology and i'd believe it bc of how well and easy it seems for you to get into their mindset (any ewan char!). Like-- idk how to describe it, but it feels like you just know all of his chars personally from how well each of ur fics seem to match their personality. I've said before that you add so much little detail to ur fics as to not rush over things, and i could really tell here. my fav small detail was when you simply mentioned how he repeated entering her until he was fully sheathed bc he hadn't fully prepared her. like-- when i read that, my mouth kinda dropped and i had to just take a moment bc (1- ur girl can relate 😂) but also it made me stop and realise just how many fics I've read where it kind of just rushes past the first thrust. and honestly, i just enjoyed that detail *so much* bc it's relatable and realistic ? i love reading smut bc its fantasy, but I've-- and I'm sure many others-- have had that moment where it doesn't enter perfectly the first time and just reading a relatable moment like that was SO refreshing. okay, I'm going to stop w my rambling bc i feel like i might sound stupid now-- onto my questions bc im so curious about his mindset more! fair warning, I feel like some of these might overlap or be repetitive, but i didn’t know how to word them perfectly.

did Michael have an interest w her from the start, or was it only after she embarrassed him did he take an interest in her? did he/does he have any actual true feelings for her? bc the way he talks to her makes it seem like this is more of a hate/revenge thing than anything. like he's just so mean, but is there actually something more underneath all that spite ? and with that, do you think she would have genuine feelings for him as well or would it be this "codependency" thing? -- idk if codependency is the right term, but its better than what i was coming up with lol. her mindset during sex kind of seemed like that dumbification vibes, but she's clearly not actually dumb, he just looks down on her like she is-- which no surprise there, it's Michael lol.

ANYWAY ! i have probably made this way too long and questionably unbearable. again, i really really really apologise that this is probably a mess, bc my brain hurts so bad after the day I've had lol. this is not proofread, so i apologise I'm kind of just word-vomiting all this at you. i hope you've had a good day, Ange and that life is treating you kindly. 🤍

-Hannah Montana anon.

Aaahhh, thank you so much! I’m so glad you liked it! Michael is definitely a virgin, but he understands the mechanics of sex, and the body is willing. I strive for realism in almost all of my smut, so I’m glad that pulls through here.

Onto your questions!

Michael doesn’t notice her at all, until she embarrasses them both at the first night of Fresher’s week. He sets his sights on getting revenge, because he sees her as just another spoiled little rich girl, and he despises those types of people more than anything.

When he learns more about her circumstances - she’s there on a scholarship, genuinely cares about her studies, etc. he softens to her, but not by much - in his view, she is naive and needs to be taught a lesson.

It doesn’t become anything tangibly sexual for him until she kisses him. That’s what sets the wheels turning in his head of “I could ostracise this girl so much that I have her all to myself”

She is definitely into him, and he has effectively backed her into a corner. Basically, she has gotten what she wanted from the start - to have a brilliant mind to be friends with in order to have the “authentic” Oxford experience. And he has what he wants in the sense that he has broken her down to nothing socially and she’s now fully dependent on him.

There is the potential for genuine feelings to develop, but its current state is dark, twisted and reliant on lust.

Hope that all makes sense! Wishing you a lovely week xoxo

[gunsatthaphan]

A theory I heard about Lian's behaviour is that he thinks they're playing some sort of teasing game as a method of flirting, and that Kuea is on the same page as him (which he's not, but Lian doesn't fully realise that until Kuea starts crying in the kitchen)

Obviously they need to communicate this to get on the same page, but it does explain a bit about how Lian keeps pushing the way he does.

Yeah Lian’s character arc baffles me because after watching the initial breakup scene I had assumed that we were supposed to understand that he was *angry*. Like, that scene — particularly the Annabelle comment — made much more sense if Lian was hurt and angry that Kuea had, for seemingly no reason, decided to hide every aspect of his life from him. I thought the Annabelle line was him saying, “I don’t want to marry this artificial mask covering the person I used to love.”

But as soon as the show started saying how Lian just thought Kuea was ~in on the joke/teasing~ or whatever I’m just like ??? Especially since it seems like Kuea had very obvious reasons to be cautious after all? I’m glad he’s being better now and all, but every time he’s actually soft and willing to communicate I’m a little more retroactively angry at ep1!Lian because clearly he knows what genuinely lighthearted teasing looks like and what happened in ep 1 was,, not it.

---------------------------------

I heard about the teasing theory from a few people now and idk. it doesn't make sense to me. Or maybe I’m just stupid. But I never picked up that kind of vibe and no offense but it seems very far-fetched to me. Like,,,, you’re trying to tell me Lian is being ambivalent towards Kuea and locking him up and being hypocritical etc. because he thinks they’re playing a game? Hell nah. I mean the part about him realizing Kuea isn’t on the same page when he started crying in the kitchen does make sense because that scene did seem like a turning point somehow but still. I don’t believe it. However if that does turn out to be true then I apologize for my naiveness 😂 But also the writers should’ve communicated it in a more obvious way in my opinion. Like I shouldn’t be thinking so hard about a simple show like this 😭 just let me understand it ffs lmao.

xxx

[fandomn00blr]

OC Questionnaire

@cleverblackcat tagged me into this one a few days ago, and I started filling it out for Delilah Howe (not an OC...an adopted NPC!) and I am still working on it for her. But then @funkypoacher tagged me, and gave me specific permission to do it for *my* versions of Carver or Stroud...lol...

So anyway, here’s Stroud, everyone’s Warden Dad(...dy...? jk jk...unless?)

THE BASICS

Character’s name: Jean-Marc Stroud

Role in story: He’s your dad now...unless you’re Loghain and then he’s your infuriating boyfriend/husband whom you are absolutely smitten with...also, Warden-Commander of the Eastern Wardens after Dragon Age Awakening

Physical description: I feel a bit guilty constantly objectifying this poor man and his mustache, but he is just...*chef’s kiss* (Loghain’s POV, but also mine):

Stroud’s quite fit for a man his age, an unmistakably sturdy V-shaped torso atop well-muscled legs, with broad shoulders and strong, defined arms. He’s never quite realized just how chiseled and square his jaw is, either. And as his eyes rove over his face, he tries not to stare too longingly at his lips, which he’s already been acquainted with, though it feels like it’s been ages since that cave-in, and he certainly wouldn’t mind getting re-acquainted. With any part of him, really.

(LOGHAIN! STOP BEING SO HORNY FOR YOUR BOYFRIEND, YOU GRUMPY OLD BASTARD!)

MBTI/Enneagram Personality Type: IDK

INTERNAL LIFE

What is their greatest fear? Probably disappointing anyone who is depending on him for safety/protection/reassurance

Inner motivation: Is ‘just wants everyone to feel safe’ an inner motivation? No. Shoot. STROUD WHAT MOTIVATES YOU?! Oh, I know...the fact that he lost everyone and everything he cared about to the Game and instead of going on a fucking rampage, he internalized it and joined the Wardens so that their deaths wouldn’t have been a total waste. What’s that called?

Kryptonite: If one of his Warden ‘kids’ is hurting, it hurts him...doubly so if he can’t do anything about it.

What is their misbelief about the world? Ok, so this is a tough one. Dude has been through all of it, and still believes in the power of kindness and duty and compassion, but not in a naive way. He chooses it, right? So I wouldn’t call it a misbelief, but he genuinely believes everyone is capable of choosing good, or trying to do better, or whatever. Shut up. I’m not crying, I swear.

Lesson they need to learn: You can’t save ‘em all (he still has regrets about what happened with Anders and Justice).

What is the best thing in their life? His little Eastern Warden family...Vigil’s Keep comes to feel like home to him.

What is the worst thing in their life? The thought of ever having to deal with Orlesian politics again...which is why he’s so grumpy in Inquisition.

What do they most often look down on people for? He has very little patience for people who manipulate others for their own personal gain.

What makes his/her/their heart feel alive? Seeing his Wardens thrive/come into their own/embrace duty/grow/find love...I SAID I WASN’T CRYING!

What makes them feel loved, and who was the last person to make them feel that way? Stroud doesn’t need a lot of personal reassurance to know that people care about him and that he serves a purpose...but if someone goes out of their way to do something just for him, he absolutely falls apart. Loghain making an Orlesian-inspired dish for his birthday was the last thing I wrote of this variety, but I imagine that Loghain does a lot of stuff like that just to see Stroud’s cheerful stoicism obliterated...and also because he loves him.

Top three things they value most in life? Helping others/compassion, his found family, and his duty as a Warden (but not in, like, a stupid way...)

EXTERNAL LIFE

Is there an object they can’t bear to part with? He keeps a portrait of his family tucked away among his things...the only item he brought with him from his former life when Clarel recruited him to the Wardens.

Describe a typical outfit from top to bottom. Heavy silverite Warden armor while out on missions, over a dark blue quilted tunic with a silver embroidered griffon and leggings (?). All very official. Off-duty, he wears simple undyed cotton or wool tunics (they’re probably fitted well) and woolen breeches (also fitted...um...well...*fans self*). It’s hot. <- Loghain, again?! Yeesh...

What is their method of manipulation? He’s not big on manipulation (see above), but he knows how to get what he wants from Loghain by wiggling his mustache and just...staring at him...all twinkly-eyed. Maybe chuckling good-naturedly if he wants to bring out the big guns.

Describe their daily routine. (Whoops...I missed this one, I guess!) Wake up early. Breakfast and paperwork in his office. Meetings, etc later in the morning. Then lunch with Loghain somewhere outside, weather permitting. Meetings/more paperwork/drills and training in the afternoon. Dinner with everyone in the dining hall at the end of the day. Quiet evenings. Then bed!

Their go-to cure for a bad day? Feet up in front of a fire...some tea? Maybe with a bit of whiskey in it. And something sweet to munch on like cookies. Bonus if Loghain is there with his little shawl, reading or complaining to him, preferably both...

GOALS

How are they dissatisfied with their life? He still harbors a lot of anger and resentment toward the Game (I mean...), but he’s actually pretty satisfied with his life as a Warden.

What would bring them true happiness or contentment? This is the most selfless thing ever, but he would love to see Loghain and Anora reconciled.

What definitive step could they take to turn their dream into a reality? He would never, but he totally could invite Anora to dinner at Vigil’s Keep or something and pretend it was Loghain’s idea...lol. OMG...AU where Stroud is the meddling spouse...!!!

How has their fear kept them from taking this action already? Not so much fear as it is just respect for personal boundaries or whatever...

How do they feel they can accomplish their goal while still steering clear of the thing they are afraid of? He hopes Loghain will eventually reach out to his daughter himself, or Anora will force her way back into her father’s life. During Inquisition, Loghain and Alistair (who is King and married to Anora in this world state) have a bit of a scuffle, then manage to get over their shit (sort of), so Stroud has some hope that they’ll all figure it out eventually. He just won’t be there to see it cuz he stays in the Fade, the self-sacrificing bastard.

[alastaircarstairsdefenselawyer]

on the topic of alastair apologizing... let's talk about the Academy. idk, here's my two cents.

EDIT: thank you to @alastairxcarstairs for pointing out that Alastair's hair was natural at the academy, not bleached. I have made a few edits in red! I don't think it changes the idea of my post too much, but it does raise some complications as something that we know has affected alastair deeply (vs a comment about his father & clive which were things he was already feeling and whose traumas to not lie in a comment made) and I think honestly might be one of the only ways for a reconciliation between the two of them, to recognize that they both used shitty ways that the world works against them to hurt each other deeply, and that wasn't right. (also can the two queer "icons" learn to not be racist please & thank)

this got... ridiculously long. I'm sorry. feel free to disagree with anything I've said, it's just my conclusions from what I've read an my own experiences. theres a lot of discussion of bullying, death, and alcoholism.

alastair really didn't say much to or about kit and thomas (except the rumor, which I'll get to in a second) at all. he called thomas names, but it wasn't something that ever really bothered thomas and I think that's probably because alastair never said them with malicious intent.

he said a lot of shit to and about james and his family, none of which james deserved. that's something he needs to atone for.

most of his bullying (except the rumor) with matthew was reciprocated. they both talked shit to and about each other. it doesn't cancel each other out in a way that means it never happened, but its not really something anyone has to atone for imo, just more of a "we both treated each other like shit and that was stupid, let's move on from it and not do it anymore."

the vetis demon... it was a prank. a cruel, scary, idiotic prank. it wasn't alastair's idea, but he went along with it and he helped. obviously it was something very distressing to james and matthew, but they're both fine. I'm not saying alastair should get a pass for it, but clive literally died. they were 14/15 and as someone who lost a classmate at that age, there's a weird sort of guilt about it, even when you had nothing to do with their death. alastair learned the consequences of his actions the hardest way possible, and I don't think people recognize that enough. we don't know much about clive at all. he acted like an asshole, sure, and he was definitely naive and arrogant (a vetis demon???) but we don't know how he treated alastair. was he kind to him behind closed doors? was he always cruel? did he bully alastair? we don't know. regardless, I'm positive that alastair has a lot of complicated feelings about it, and a fuck ton of guilt. because HE can be a better person. HE can apologize and move forward and travel the world and fall in love and get his heart broken and do all of the things that people do after they finish school, and clive never will. alastair learned his lesson, and james and matthew can be reasonably certain that he'd never try anything like that ever again. while he could certainly still apologize for it, I think thats something they can assume at this point without him saying it.

the second one was deliberate, matthew knew that alastair had already told him it was Clive's idea, but he WANTED to get until alastair's skin. he WANTED to make alastair hurt more. he was a child (they both were), and he was upset, and he wanted to make alastair hurt. and he did. alastair snapped.

and, finally, the rumor. the first thing to recognize is that alastair was in a bad place when he said that. he said that because he was in a bad place. all of those^ complicated feelings had just started (clive had literally just died) and to make matters worse, everyone's fathers had rushed to the Academy in wake of the incident except for Elias (thomas pointed this out). then matthew showed up. he started out by calling alastair names, fine, typical. then he said "Has no kind soul thought to inform you that your hairstyle is, to use the gentlest words available to me, ill-advised?..." strike one "...A friend? Your papa?" strike two. then he said "Though I cannot help but wonder whose idea their nasty little trick was" even though Alastair had already explained that it was Clive's idea and why, strike three.

the first one was just racist. maybe he didn't mean it to be, but we know that alastair was self conscious about his hair because of how dark his features are and how alienated he feels as a non-white boy.

the second one was an unfortunate coincidence imo. matthew had no idea what alastair was going through at home or that he was particularly upset about Elias that day because he'd been forced to watch all of the other boys with their fathers.

in matthew's eyes, what he said there SHOULD have been just another throwaway insult, but he was blinded by his privilege as a white boy with loving parents, and anyone who knows alastair's situation can see that it anything other than just a throwaway comment.

I'm explaining all of this not to excuse what alastair did but show how the rumor scene was atypical from his usual bullying. we haven't SEEN enough on paper to make that observation, but we can infer from all of this that that was not how alastair normally behaved. that was how alastair behaved when he was pushed over the edge, that's it.

while he said awful things about Thomas and his parents and Matthew's parents, he was never trying to hurt them, it likely didn't even cross his mind. he didn't start that rumor, and I doubt he even ever actually spread it. there's no evidence that he would be someone to spread rumors like that (something very speculative and secretive, vs something obvious and well-known like what he said about tessa), especially given the rumors around his own family. he only repeated it to matthew because he was pushed out of his limits. it's most likely that he heard the rumor, ignored it, and the ONLY time he has ever spoken it was to matthew that day.

he said it to hurt matthew. that was his only goal. that was his only motivation. he wanted to make matthew HURT. and he did. he really, really did. I think he could see it as soon as he said it. CC has said that he regretted what he said as soon as he said it. he hurt matthew in ways that can never be undone, and I think he knew that as soon as he said it because he has been hurt that way, too.

so, no, I don't think alastair actually owes thomas or sophie or gideon or charlotte or henry an apology for what he said beyond "I caused this person you love very much irreparable harm" because while he said awful things about them, he never did anything to actually hurt them (beyond hurt matthew).

to say that alastair owes matthew an apology... feels a little cheap to me. I don't think alastair will ever genuinely apologize to matthew solely because he doesn't think that what he's done could ever be forgiven. even if he were to become a fucking saint, even if he became the nicest, kindest, most giving man on earth, there is nothing he can say or do that can undo the pain he's caused.

what happened to charlotte and her baby is NOT alastair's fault, nor is matthew's alcoholism (because we could play the blame game all day then - because if it weren't for Elias would alastair have been pushed past his limits? is it his fault? if his alcoholism is because of his brother's death, was all of this just Yanluo's fault in actuality? but that was all in revenge for Wen Yu exterminating a nest of demons, so maybe it's her fault, then? it would never end, and that's not even TOUCHING mother hawthorn's involvement). matthew MUST be responsible for his own actions and choices.

but alastair caused a harm to matthew's psyche that can NEVER be erased. he will carry until the day he dies. alastair may have not intended to hurt him in such a profound was, but he did, and he knows it. he crossed a line that cannot be uncrossed.

this doesn't mean that alastair can't be redeemed or that he can't be a good brother-in-law to james and a good partner to thomas or a good person in general or even that him and matthew can't move past it and learn to tolerate each other. but in his eyes and matthew's, forgiveness is too weak of a concept for what he has done, and I doubt he will even ask for it.

[artobotsrollout]

Maaaan I really wish that the arc of 'Being kind will win us the war' foreshadowed heavily in TfP came to fruition cause sure it doesn't fix everything but

LISTEN being compassionate, even just bare level politeness, has helped save my ass SO MANY TIMES IRL.

I'm not claiming to be a perfect saint or anything cause I just try every day to be a generally nice person as much as I'm capable. I readily admit it's to my own detriment sometimes and I need to work on standing up for myself more. But it has also given me a heavy advantage in many situations and, people I didn't think would, have had my back as a result. I had people who I met the day before tell me deep dark stuff but then go 'IDK why I told you that.. I've never told anyone that before' and sometimes even skeletons in their closets. I've had classmates stand up for me against jerk instructors or classmates. I have seen a lot of the genuine people behind the masks they put up.

It really works and I just wanna see OP have that affect on one or several of the Decepticons cause I could absolutely see him knocking down some people's guards quickly just from how sincere and caring he is. Just leaving them going "UM how dare you make me question how I thought the world worked by being nice to me!! >:O"

And I didn't like how the autobots ended up looking foolish all the time when almost every act of kindness didn't pan out cause it ends up looking like 'Autobots would win if they resorted to Decepticon tactics' instead of what I wish the moral was: 'Kindness and basic decency can sometimes bite you in the ass and you need to protect yourself when and where you give it but the end result can be seriously worth it. It is the harder road to take but one worth traveling.'

It's a missed opportunity esp cause there is the arc of 'You can't save everyone' and 'You can't help someone who refuses to help themselves' which is SUPER important but I woulda loved having a 'People sometimes need support and kindness to reach their full potential' as well. The very nature of being nice, affording people the benefit of the doubt, and supporting those you care about but also not letting people hurt you because you are giving them chances IS a complicated concept to narrate but an important one I really wished we coulda gotten ;w;

AND that would furthermore tie in to another allegorical narrative for OP around accepting support and letting your own guards down sometimes too! That it's okay to not be perfect and it's okay to feel emotions sometimes or admit when you need help. It's okay to lean on others.

AND ANOTHER ON TOP OF THAT Optimus being kind but not naive is something I wanted more of. Too often kindness is associated with weakness, gullibility, stupidity and we really need more smart and kind characters like OP.

AND THAT'S WHY I need to actually stop projecting onto a Bigg robot and writing hypothetical fix its to actually write a damn fanficdbxjeje.

[tequiladimples]

I hope this doesn't come off as rude, but I saw that you dislike when collision is branded het cause you're not het, but no one's talking about you personally? like for me, I really like collision but I can understand the criticism in a way and that isn't an attack on you (or an attack at all lol). again hope I'm not rude but idk it seems unnecessary to get upset, it's better to take it as constructive criticism

sigh i don't think ur rude but it simply isn't constructive.

look i’ll talk abt this one more time n then i Beg we can put it to rest! (this is gna be a lot of word vomit but if i'm elaborative now i hope i won't have to talk abt this ever again)

i’m deeply insecure abt many aspects of collision. i don’t really keep that a secret. i also know some ppl don't like fantasy, some ppl don't like the kinds of dynamics i like, some ppl don't vibe with my style of writing (hell, i barely vibe with my style of writing). those things are fine. i can't control that and i don't take that personally. the reason why this is the one critique i do take personally is because it genuinely presumes wrongful, harmful things about me and my values, especially when i've made deliberate efforts to avoid writing the exact flavor of fic they're accusing me of having written. just because people don’t mean for what they say to reflect back on me, doesn’t stop it from doing so.

the thing about calling something a “het fic” is that the term brings along certain connotations which i don’t stand by at all and feel deeply uncomfortable and distraught to possibly have created. i’ve gone over this godforsaken story again and again just to be absolutely sure i didn’t actually do so. when people say “het fic” they generally don’t mean “boy meets girl and they fall in love”, they mean “super rude and mean boy meets uptight virtuous girl and makes her fall in dependence with him through manipulation and treating her like shit until she behaves how he wants.” and that is straight up not the fic i wrote. i’m not stupid. i know the dynamic i went with is widely and easily misused and there’s a lot of fiction depicting really bad, uneven, unhealthy relationships through it. i knew this going in, and i’ve tried persistently to avoid making those same mistakes. 

skipping over the fact that they’re both boys (bc duh)--harry doesn't exhibit any real manipulative power over louis. collision harry is a grumpy, fruity little nerd who happened upon a really unfortunate lot in life and managed to trick himself into believing he's evil for like half a second of the story and his resolves crumble like a danish pastry the moment he receives his first hug. he's kind of aloof and arrogant, and understandably hardened from his past, but he's not bad. he's just lost. that's the basis of his character arc. now on the other hand, louis has harry wrapped around his finger starting like chapter 4. harry’s the one who opens up emotionally first, harry’s the one desperately seeking louis’ approval and caring about his opinion, harry’s the one who makes himself vulnerable continuously throughout the entire story. the only time louis makes himself vulnerable on a comparable scale is during the smut scenes, and even then, harry is gentle and attentive and puts louis first. louis is less experienced than harry in that area, but he isn't scared or intimidated by harry, and he has full reigns of the progression and nature of their relationship as a whole. that’s kind of how it needs to go with tough x soft dynamics for the power balance to not feel uneven, and i wrote the story accordingly. if you then happen to still be so blindly determined to associate soft/small with weakness (and thereby uh, womanhood ig) that you still felt like louis had an inferior position to harry solely because he is indeed soft/small, that sounds quite frankly like a you problem.

now, the whole point of louis’ character is that he’s underestimated. sure, he’s naive and self-centered and sheltered from the real world--that’s the basis of his character arc. those things all change. but louis isn’t ever weak. like idk who apparently needs to hear this but you can be small and simultaneously not be a pushover. the two aren’t mutually exclusive. there isn’t a single time louis takes shit in this story, especially not from harry; he gives back as good as he gets every time. oh! and then he literally saves the entire universe and the execution of that whole thing was his idea alone. i tried really hard to underline how strong-willed and full of grit he is to contrast what others think of him. if you think he’s portrayed as a meek and frail damsel, you missed the point. once again, i feel like we circle back to this misconception of louis being kind of naive and physically small = louis being inferior = louis being female. just do some soul searching.

(i could also get into the fact that for a bunch of people who don’t know these boys personally (no matter how much we like to think we do), this fandom is weirdly opinionated about characterization. especially regarding sexual stuff. i know creating a version for ourselves of who we think these boys are based on things we recognize in ourselves or things we find endearing is part of the comfort with loving them. but that doesn’t really equate to actually knowing them, and besides, this is fan fiction; no one’s opting to write a biography, anyway. being experimental and explorative and putting different aspects of their personalities in different lightings is what makes fic fun. if someone’s writing harmful or one-dimensional characters, that’s one thing, and preferences is again whatever floats your boat. but the “out of character” argument feels mostly really strange to me. this is a bit of a tangent, though.)

lastly, the thing is that i will and i do take it personally if someone insinuates that a character--a gay character--that i, a lesbian, construed is a secret vessel for expressing heterosexual attraction. if someone calls louis a “self-insert”, that does reflect back on me. and to elaborate on that--i don’t particularly love to bring it up, but it's quite disheartening to pour personal PTSD experiences into a character and rly put effort into doing it right and justice and underline growth and healing, just to find out people disregard all that completely in favor of declaring that my self-projection lies in the attraction to a man--which is to say, the one thing i couldn’t possibly feel more estranged from. it's so incredibly tactless. i feel thoroughly whiny at this point but how is that not supposed to make me a little sad?

anyway. none of this is to say that you can’t dislike or critique collision. you can. sometimes ppl don’t like things. but i hope i’m clear about where i’m coming from with my discomfort now. people’s preferences and dislikes are indeed not mine to be hurt by, but these things are. this definitely got unnecessarily long and i probably look like i take myself unbearably seriously (i promise i don’t), so i’m sorry. but at least i've said everything now, and if i encounter this sort of rhetoric in the future, i have something to redirect people to. also anon, none of this is directly pointed at you, i know you mean well. take care <3

[xenteaart]

Shall We? (Part 2)

Pairing: Five Hargreeves x fem!Reader

Request: Can I request part two for Shall We? Pleeeeaase 🙏!! You can’t just leave it like that.

Word count: 1,7k

Warnings: kind of a fight scene?? and like one swear word idk

Note: Sooo here’s part two of this fic, give it a read if you havent coz otherwise this one is not going to make much sense haha

For the sake of the story, Five disappeared when he was 18 (instead of 13) and got stuck in his 18 year-old-body after coming back accordingly. Also I’ve decided to give the reader and the Handler kind of a Lila x the Handler dynamic

The events are taking place in s1, some details of the canon are obvsly altered.

ALSO THERE’S A LIL EASTER EGG AT THE END MWEHEHE

Hope you enjoy!

Taglist: @stitched-mouth​ @startrekkingaroundasgard​

“You do know you can’t win. I really don’t wanna hurt you, Y/N,” he uttered, raising his hands a little as a way to warn you not to come any closer for your own good.

Even though it was supposed to be a sweet gesture of concern, hearing him confirm that he still thought you were no match for him cut you to your very core.

“Oh, yeah? Well, I’m afraid you might have to. Shall we?” you sneered and threw your leg into the air, hitting Five right under his kneecap and making him collapse on the ground with a surprised gasp.

Five truly had zero intention of hurting you, but your determination to have a fight left him no choice, and even his clear advantage of having loads more experience and superpowers on top did not seem to make you hesitate.

“Come on, don’t be stupid, Y/N,” Five commented as he got back on his feet and took a few steps away from you, still giving you a chance to back off before he had to inflict any pain on your person, but all it achieved was winding you up even more.

The problem was - you two underwent identical training at the Commission as the Handler gave both of you her very best mentor, and right now you were basically mirroring each other’s moves, except Five was also using his spatial jumps to disorient you. He was still going easy on you, mostly just blocking your punches and jumping further away so you had to chase him all over the Academy while he was hoping you would simply exhaust yourself before any real damage would be done. Quite frankly, it was a smart decision on his part and a rather thoughtful one as well because, despite all appearances, he actually cared about you an awful lot.

As the both of you gracefully danced all the way to the second floor, you were already out of breath from the endless running around which meant Five’s plan was beginning to work. However, you realized what he was doing soon enough to indulge him into the feeling of being right and played his little game for a while, waiting for the perfect moment when he’d get distracted, and as the moment came you had to act fast.

You threw yourself forwards and promptly wrapped your arms around Five’s waist, knocking him off his feet and pressing your body against his as you pinned him to the floor. He groaned with annoyance and winced at the pain as his back hit the hard wooden surface. The next few seconds sort of happened in slow-mo for both of you as he roughly pushed you off himself and somehow managed to switch places with you, now looming over your body and warningly putting his knee on your solar plexus, threatening to crush your ribcage if you moved.

A mutual silence fell between you as you were processing the last 30 minutes of your lives, both visibly struggling to believe that each of you somehow ended up fighting the person they would never wish to hurt in their entire life. The sounds of your heavy breathing were filling the room as you were merely staring at each other in utter confusion. The weight of Five’s knee on your diaphragm was beginning to give you trouble breathing, and your breaths became shallow and hoarse which finally snapped him out of his trance.

“Gonna tell me what the hell is up now, Y/N?” he asked in his teacher-y manner that you used to absolutely hate and adore all at once, especially when he used to give you lectures on your occasional fuck-ups - whether it was failing a class because you were too lazy to turn in your assigments in time or something a little more serious, like getting into an argument with the Monocle and consequently making life harder for both of you.

You would always roll your eyes and smirk when he would get into his i-am-disappointed-in-you-but-i-still-love-you character and cross his arms on his chest for dramatic effect.

“You were the one telling me to piss off in the first place, remember,” you narrowed your eyes as you were subtly gasping for air underneath Five’s weight. He pursed his lips and looked away, contemplating whether or not to be completely honest. Evidently, his lack of sincerity got him nowhere the last time around, so he sighed loudly; his shoulders dropping and his expression finally revealing all of the exhaustion and regret that he was concealing quite successfully up until now.

“I only pushed you away to protect you.”

“Sounds like bullshit to me,” you replied, clearly unimpressed and palpably suspicious; two years of being brainwashed by the Handler now taking their toll on your perspective.

“God, don’t be so slow,” Five uttered clearly irritated but then quickly realized his offensive implication and added, “Said with respect.”

You stayed silent, raising your brow as a way of telling him to continue.

“I couldn’t risk you becoming a casualty because being involved in my family’s mess as a non-super is dangerous. As in, you’re going to be a target all the time, and I couldn’t and still can’t afford to waste my time worrying about your safety. As much as I’d love to - it’s simply not the luxury I have. I’ve got to stop the end of the world, otherwise everyone is going to be dead in four days, don’t you get it?” Five asked, a waterfall of emotions pushing at the inner sides of his chest, waiting to be set loose and consume everything on its way.

You were quietly listening to his explanation and taking it all in whilst still trying to fight off the suspicion and disbelief that were nagging at your every cell.

“I wanted to keep you safe because I couldn’t bear to lose you again,” his voice trembled a little as the memories of his post-apocalypse life washed over his mind, “The last 45 years have been a fucking nightmare.”

“I’d find it way more believable if you stopped crushing my ribs for starters,” you muttered through clenched teeth and immediately felt the pressure taken off your chest, precious and very much needed oxygen starting to flow through your system the way it should again.

Five got up and offered his hand to help you on your feet as a gesture to show you that he didn’t see you as an enemy and placed trust in you. You took his hand and steadied yourself awkwardly, still slightly disoriented and light-headed.

“I don’t know what the Handler told you but I do know she’s exceptional at manipulating,” Five added as he looked you right in the eye, “Christ, and you’re so naive, always have been. Most days it’s truly adorable but sometimes, Y/N, it really doesn’t work in your favor,” as the words escaped his lips, his gaze became noticeably softer; his expression blossoming with tenderness towards you.

“Prove it. Prove that you care.”

Five chuckled and shook his head, simultaneously annoyed and amused at your stubbornness. The atmosphere between you was shifting and you couldn’t help but notice the familiar overwhelming feeling of comfort and peace enveloping your person from head to toe. You’ve forgotten what it felt like being around Five, and now you were finally getting to remember. At home.

He slipped his hand into the pocket of his uniform shorts and pulled out a grape-sized plastic figure of a golden retriever.

“You gave me this a few days before I jumped and got stuck in the future. I carried it with me all the way. This silly trinket was the only thing I had left of you, the only thing that reminded me you were still out there waiting for me. Kept me going,” he shrugged casually as if it wasn’t important at all which it absolutely was.

“Five, c’mere! Look what I found!” you called for him as you were sitting on the floor surrounded by all sorts of useless crap. You were in the middle of decluttering your bedroom when a little figure of a dog caught your eye, it was the breed that Five was especially fond of and you knew he secretly dreamed of getting a puppy of his own as soon as he was out of the house.

“What’s that?” he asked, unimpressed.

“It’s a doggie! He wants to be your friend,” you replied, playing with your accent a little, rolling you “r”s and shifting the flow of your words to sound more Scottish or ... Russian. God knows where you were going with it but you tended to butcher your accent for fun quite a lot.

“Y/N, are you twelve?”

“His name is Mr.Pennycrumb and he’s gonna look after you whenever I’m not around,” you said with utmost confidence and gave him a wide smile, putting the trinket into Five’s pocket, clearly very proud of yourself and still committed to your silly accent performance, “Treat him well.”

Five scoffed and shrugged.

“Whatever.”

“So did he?” you asked, staring at the goddamn toy as tears were slowly welling up in your eyes.

“What?”

“Did he do a good job looking after you while I wasn’t around?” your gaze finally met Five’s as the realization in his own eyes was starting to sink in. A pained smile touched the corners of his mouth, and you could see Five genuinely struggle to maintain his tough facade.

“Yeah. He did.”

Without saying a word, you stepped closer and rested your cheek on his shoulder, wrapping your arms around him, this time with no hostility or murderous intention. If you had to be perfectly honest with yourself, you’d admit you could never find it in you to actually hurt Five, let alone killing him. Both of you knew that way too well.

He returned the hug and pulled you closer, burying his nose in your hair and then planting a quick innocent kiss on the top of your head. Feeling the warmth radiating from you was enough to make him relax further into your embrace, his eyes now closed shut and his breathing steady and deep.

It didn’t last for as long as you’d like, though, a big loud bang from downstairs making you both flinch and pull away from each other, breaking your fragile bubble of comfort and calm in an instant.

“Shit, Hazel and Cha-Cha,” Five whispered, concern and worry crawling back onto his features. He briefly looked at you, and you simply nodded, non-verbally confirming that you were willing to help and were no longer part of the Handler’s plan.

The two of you were going to talk all about that later. His years alone, his and your own involvement with the Commission, the end of the world and loads more.

Of course, right in this moment neither of you could possibly know that your friendship was, in fact, a gateway into a lifelong partnership but you were bound to find out eventually. And the journey you two were about to begin as soon as the apocalypse was dealt with and gone was going to be magnificent.

[sundaeserenade]

okay! so the pokemas legendary event: father or foe. I have things to say so I will say them. and if you don’t want spoilers, uhmmm don’t read this! okay thanks okay.

first of all, i like how ghetsis just. shows up. like he’s just there. that’s great, A+ Second of all, I know the point of that battle between N, Silver, Brendan and Norman was to showcase how strong Brendan and Norman’s father-son bond was. but it’s so fucking funny to me that they’re fighting against two legendary pokemon. and they’ve got a fucking slaking and a fucking uhh sceptile like. Ho-oh is fucking fire/flying, but Norman and Brendan won??? but whatever, moving on.

glad that they put silver in this. like even with the plot point later on with giovanni, i just like that silver is here. i like silver. i like his way of speaking. because in a world of pokemon protagonists that are naive and idealistic, silver’s realism and straightforwardness is very needed. so thanks silver, for being that bro.

anyway, I love N’s answer to Ghetsis’ proposition for them to be father-son again. He says he just needs time to think. That shows such maturity. And the fact that they put that alongside Nate’s very black and white (lol) way of thinking, is good. Nate is like “Ghetsis did some fucked up shit. get him outta here” but N has history with Ghetsis and is hesitant.

and y’know what, Nate is right honestly, because Ghetsis did some fucked up shit!! I know a lot of people have not played gen 5 but Ghetsis is a BITCH!!! He’s manipulative and abusive, he said some fucked up shit to N, he tried to fuck over unova TWICE, he’s not a good dude. And it’s interesting! bc in bw2, y’know, former team plasma members are trying to make up for their crimes from the first game. and they point out that all they can do is apologize and do better, like they can try and make up for what they did and do what they can to make things right. and that’s what some of them are doing. and they acknowledge that this doesn’t like erase people’s pain or make them entitled to forgiveness.

but on the other side of that, you have ghetsis, who is not at all interested in that shit. he doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong, he doesn’t want to change, fuck unova, fuck everything and everyone! So yeah! Nate is like FUCK GHETSIS and honestly, everyone should be like that but they weren’t there in unova so they get a pass.

and N is just hesitant. Because he sees that father-son bond and he wants that. he wants that connection. and think about how that resonates with so many people playing this game. like it fucking resonated with me! you want a bond with a family member that’s hurt you, and they come to you to try and make amends... and say it’s idealistic or naive or stupid, but there’s hope that it could work out this time.

ghetsis has manipulated and abused N in the past, and N knows this most of all, but he’s willing to move forward with their relationship if Ghetsis has truly changed. DAMN! that hits me hard. too many times we try and give people a second chance when they say they’ve changed, but it turns out they fucking haven’t and they hurt us all over again.

But I like that N takes the time to decide. He talks to Alder and gets his opinion, and I like that Alder is just honest as fuck about it. And N takes that into consideration, but still makes the choice himself, just like Silver advised him to. This is a choice he made after weighing his options and the outcomes.

And honestly, I was like... Ghetsis could go either way. They could keep him evil and have this be him trying to manipulate N again, OR they could pull a lusamine and have the story and the characters just forget about the abuse that he put N through and the chaos he put unova through. And I’m so happy to see that they kept him evil because HE IS evil and! He’s as fucking heartless as ever, being honest about how everyone is a tool to him.

That’s refreshing as fuck to me. After lusamine, i had no fucking hope for this game but DAMN let’s go, okay, Ghetsis staying evil? teaming up with giovanni? nice nice nice. love it.

But also, hold on, because Silver is a hero in this event. I loved hearing what he had to say, but this line that he had is so fucking important.

IM STILL IN SHOCK THAT THEY ACTUALLY SAID THIS LIKE??? idk i just wasn’t expecting it at all, and im SO GLAD they brought it up. Silver? Getting frustrated with Nate that he’s not trying to see things from N’s point of view? Nice. Very Nice. This is why I’m glad Silver’s here, because what other character would have the guts to say this? We need that blunt honesty a lot of the time. We need that straightforwardness to put some harsh truths out there.

I like that Nate stops and considers that now, they he apologizes and is like “I was thinking more about unova than about your feelings, N” and he APOLOGIZES!! LET’S GO!

There’s some good nuggets in this event, it’s so fucking GOOD.

It keeps getting better because with Alder reassuring N and offering advice, he shows that he’s more of a fucking.. father figure than Ghetsis will EVER be but he also just says that N’s grown and he’s got a good heart and N is so shocked...! He is still 100% suffering from what Ghetsis said/did to him before! because that trauma is still there! And he needs to be surrounded by people who really and truly care about him to support him now.

Okay but moving on, the Ghetsis and Giovanni team up was cool. I like how they kept summoning team break members out of nowhere?? fantastic. and of course giovanni was gonna backstab him. fucking. ghetsis you idiot, but anyway! N seeing that ghetsis is about to get his whole ass kicked and STILL stepping up to help him out?

Mm i have some mixed feelings about it, but N CAN talk to pokemon and he didn’t want anything to happen to Kyurem. And I’m glad that they put that in there and remembered that about N’s character because otherwise i’d be like “why would he help him, Ghetsis has revealed his true colors for like the third time there’s no reason to” but it also ties back into N just feeling sorry for this mother fucker and also just wanting a father figure.

but! after the battle, they leave. and Silver just glares at Giovanni and tells him to fuck off... this poor boy, but! we also have this comparison between silver KNOWING that his father will never change and that he’s not interested in changing, and now N coming to that conclusion with ghetsis. those two are not going to change. they don’t fucking care. they’re terrible people. and it’s a hard pill to swallow but silver’s already swallowed it. and now he’s helping N to get through what he’s already gone through.

so N just saved ghetsis’ ass and now they’re outside. And N says that he knows Ghetsis hasn’t changed, and if he causes trouble N will stop him. And Nate tells Ghetsis he hates him LOL and then is like why can’t you just fucking be a better person to N like for real.

and Ghetsis continues to be a sack of shit. and Nate gets upset and says something really touching, that N just wants a normal relationship with the man he calls his father. and Nate is real sensitive to this stuff, he wears his heart on his sleeve, y’know. but a lot of male pokemon protagonists are like that (gold, brendan i think?) but it’s just touching to have Nate be really invested. to have Nate and Silver both wanting to help N, and Nate is the more sensitive and idealistic of the two and Silver just adds that touch of realism. y’know, black and white?

but N is a bit of both, now. That’s what he gained on his journey, this understanding that problems aren’t so simple and that complexity is a part of life and that sometimes there isn’t a clear right answer. and sometimes things don’t go the way that you want, no matter how much you hope or wish for things to change.

and at the end... N understands that. He understands that while Ghetsis is a piece of shit and will ALWAYS be a piece of shit, he has people and pokemon around him and that’s all he needs. he doesn’t need a father. he’s just fine without one. Silver agrees, everyone fucking agrees. and it’s fucking touching. N’s got people in his life that care about him genuinely and that’s all he needs.

and that’s a real good message because first of all, Alder is right there and found family is abound, but also, it’s not pushing this fucking narrative that you should always, always forgive your family or the people who hurt you. sometimes, your family is shit! and you cut them out of your life for your own well being! many, many people have to do that. and instead of ignoring that every family isn’t the same and that people have shitty relationships with their families, this event is like “hey, everyone’s upbringing is different” and “if people who’ve hurt you aren’t going to sincerely apologize and make the effort to change, they aren’t worth your time” and “fuck ghetsis”

like those are good messages! and im mad because WHERE WAS THIS with the lusamine event??? lusamine abused both lily and gladion, but she’s okay?? she fucking almost drove the alola region into chaos but she’s forgiven?? no. i will never be about that. lily and gladion are both better off without her because i didn’t see an apology in sumo or in pokemas, the bitch just showed up and was like “okay!! we’re family!!” and even with the sumo endgame thing of lily taking lusamine to kanto to give her treatment, i need to SEE an apology and a genuine want to change

and you know what even if there is an apology? lily and gladion aren’t obligated to forgive her. it’s their choice, sure, but i think it was a choice forced onto them instead of it being something that they, as characters, seriously consider. and?? lusamine should be in jail. so.

like there’s no obligation for these kids to forgive their abusive parents. none at all. and N’s speech to ghetsis saying “i don’t think a true father-son relationship can happen between us so easily, but if you’ve had a true change of heart, show me through battle!” is so important because he wants to see for himself if there’s been a real change. N will decide AFTER the battle and after seeing ghetsis’ motivations if they can move forward.

and where was this with lily and gladion?? what did they ask or talk about with lusamine so that they know she’s being sincere?? and y’know what, where is the distrust?? especially for lily, because lusamine did some real fucked up shit!! it’s just not handled as well, and it could’ve been a great example of “kids need to get away from their abusive parents even if they promise change” because N made a choice and was hesitant but we didn’t get to see that development with gladion and lily. i know it’s pokemon, but i definitely think there’s a way they could’ve written them,, cutting lusamine out of their lives and it being like “okay, this is the best for both of us” because lusamine was a shit mother and also gladion and lily have found family in the selene, elio, hau and professor kukui and professor brunet SO.

but this event was pretty good and there were some very good moments in here. I’m glad ghetsis will stay evil and i’m glad they put silver in there as well, thanks. BUT WHERE WAS HILBERT????? WHHHHYYYYYY!!!!!

[k1utzymitry]

Hi!! Can I request a Voltron matchup?

(1/4):

𝗔𝗴𝗲: 19

𝗚𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿: Female

𝗦𝗲𝘅𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆: Biromantic Pansexual and

Genderfluid (She/Her or He/Him; but with male preference)

𝗕𝗶𝗿𝘁𝗵𝗱𝗮𝘆: October 20 (Libra; Year of the Snake)

𝗔𝗽𝗽𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲: Southeast asian (Filipino) with spanish roots composed of wavy or messy brunette medium hair (sometimes in ponytail with or without bangs that I tend to style it in side swept or split), having a plump figure and an average stature (5'1.2"). I also have an upturned eyes, chocolate brown irises, and small lashes that could barely seen, heart shaped face, full cheeks, cupid's bow lips, a beauty mark (mole) on my forehead near in between my two eyebrows, and a cute smile.

𝗙𝗮𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗼𝗻: Slight combination of boyish, emo, and comfy style (black shirt or MCR band tees, ripped jeans, checkered jacket, 1D printed shoes or plain sneakers, choker, black rounded earrings, and some emo-ish bracelets with light and simple make up (inspired from soft korean makeup look)

(2/4):

𝗘𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗮𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺: 4w5

𝗔𝗹𝗶𝗴𝗻𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁: Neutral Good

𝗛𝗼𝗴𝘄𝗮𝗿𝘁𝘀 𝗛𝗼𝘂𝘀𝗲: Ravenclaw

𝗙𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻: Erudite

𝗠𝗕𝗧𝗜 𝗣𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗧𝘆𝗽𝗲: ENFJ-T/ENFJ-A

𝗣𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗗𝗲𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗶𝗽𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻: I am shy and quiet at first, but not in a way being aloof and distant, I just don't know how to build a conversation first. But once you know me, actually ambivert, talkative, sarcastic, childish, and a crackhead on the extent, I'm genuine, helpful, erudite, supportive, nice, creative, intelligent, ambitious, approachable, jolly, religious, talented, diplomatic, and warm, I have an uncontrollable blatant laugh (if I did/saw anything stupid and silly). Tends to be awkward if I got really nervous or my mind doesn't cooperate with me if things went too sudden.

The paradox is I'm stubborn, got easily frightened, extremely indecisive, clumsy, fiesty, perfectionist, arrogant, foul-mouthed (got a potty mouth even I'm smol), irritable, overly sensitive, naive, quick-tempered, defensive, procrastinator, and a daydreamer. If I receive ends then I tend to become jerk, and a complete douchebag. Also extremely competitive with much expectations, leading to questioning myself so much. Not to mention I feel so insecure when there are girls prettier than me that are preferred by the guys. If there's something I wanna tell, I won't hesitate to do it as being brutally honest---turning more like calling out someone.

(3/4):

𝗟𝗶𝗸𝗲𝘀: Food, (I love to eat and I did it a lot), memes, karaoke, cats, moon and stars (uranophile), stage plays, anime, cartoons, video games, bands (mostly alternative rock), 2000s music (Taylor Swift, Avril Lavigne..you name it!), aesthetic photos, choir, art, desserts, sweets, learning about Catholicism or Christianity, (bible, saints, cathecism) talking about random issues (expect that there will be a debate), cute things, trivial stuffs, ASMR, makeup, and beauty pageants

𝗗𝗶𝘀𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲𝘀: Romanticizing mistresses in television, trashy soap operas, being forced what I really don't want, calling my country (Philippnes) a fraud, unfairness, judgemental people, toxic fans, people who self proclaimed an influencer but a diva, bigotry, homophobics, body-shaming, making fun of looks, brown out, huge spiders, cockroaches, boys who prefers beauty and, them neglecting studies

𝗙𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘀: Cockroach, Huge spiders, Failure, Being Alone, Handling a Graven Image (I have a trauma about that), Being Left Out, Fireworks, Getting Hurt, Disappointing People Around Me, Falling In Love, and Heartbreaks

(4/4):

𝗛𝗮𝗯𝗶𝘁: Staying up at night

𝗛𝗼𝗯𝗯𝗶𝗲𝘀: Sleeping, Making jokes/puns (I don't even care if they're lame) Chatting on social media, watching ASMR or mukbang videos or pageant videos, researching online, window shopping online, dancing/ramp walking like I really don't care, reading interesting stuffs, drawing, conceptualizing characters or ideas, sleeping, making OCs, singing, and roleplaying

𝗧𝗮𝗹𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀: Singing, Drawing, Sketching, Painting, Lettering, Writing poems, Writing essays, Making stuffs out of modelling clay, Playing flute recorder, Playing scrabble, and Acting

𝗣𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻: Arts, Singing, Writing, Speaking In front of the People, Inspiring everyone through sharing my stories

𝗟𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗟𝗮𝗻𝗴𝘂𝗮𝗴𝗲𝘀: Gifts, Words of Affirmation, and Physical Touch

------

oh uhm I would really like to answer this but I'm only doing attack on titan matchups lol. but I guess you would do well with lance?? idk. sorry.

[kuroosweakness]

Even more facts about 🐾 anon:

- Idk why but positive words hurt me the most, like when someone says I’m their favorite person in the world only to not mean what they said actually makes me cry a little, but what makes me the most sad is knowing when someone is there for me that I can tell everything in the world too. Just them hugging me makes me feel that.

- I got into anime bc one of my past fav youtubers was into it and so I watched it. I basically started w the YouTube starter pack but actually started w magical girl animes (like Tokyo mew mew (the one she watched) and glitter force) then I drifted to miss kobayashi’s dragon maid to shonen animes

- No thoughts, head empty

- My music taste is probably the average anime tiktoker, like I listen to everything but reverbed and slowed Or in Lo-fi like, Lemon Boy and Me and My Husband but my favorite song to listen to in reverb is Daisy

- I kin music, like it might be weird idc but I do like the beats that are happy but also unsettling? I kin those. Like Not Allowed by tv girl? The part that goes “ALL BY YOURSELF, SITTING ALONE. I HOPE WE’RE STILL FRIENDS YEAH I HOPE YOU DONT MIND” and just loops is the best part to me. “Kaiwa ga tsuzukanai na? Naze da dou shite da? Aho ka?” From to prob the rest of the song of Pretty cvnt by sewerslvt idk I haven’t listened to the full song lmao but the actual meaning of the lyrics don’t matter tho so just know I probably don’t rlly care to look up w that means so it doesn’t ruin it for me ;-;

- I’m a extrovert (:OOO OMG THOSE EXIST) yeah I exist 😩 it’s real easy for me to walk up to someone and start talking since I’m really open about myself and don’t bother to hide things... (except the stuff like y’know... reading fanfics cuz no sane person is gonna go to a random person like “I LIKE READING FANFICTION!” Like I’d probably scared of u now if I was a normie.

- I don’t like being told I’m wrong if I know for a fact I’m right. Like if I say the sky is green and you say the sky is blue I’ll be perfectly fine with that but if you question my intelligence in levels other than that like for a fact from an anime I really like and call me out for being dumb bc I said one thing wrong for example I say “kuroos fav food is grilled salted-mackerel pike” or “itadori’s type are girls like jennifer Lawrence and I find that funny” and you say “no thats stupid” I’m going to call you and scream at you or fight you on sight next time I see you there are no other options. Jk I’ll only threaten you w those and never do it bc I prob love u too much and just give you facts from a easy google search

- Bruh people need to love themselves more like how will you ever love other people if you don’t know how to love yourself? You should always love yourself first before learning to love others because why would you wanna spend your life hating yourself? You’re gonna be with yourself for the rest of your life, even when you’re dead when you really think about it.

- My sleep schedule is chaotic

- I view myself as a good person, but on a chart of chaotic good to lawful evil, I’m probably the most neutral person you’ll ever meet. And I’m genuinely like that. I abide by my own laws. The government doesn’t tell me what’s wrong but neither am I truly against it. I don’t do things like steal but I’ll run in the halls to get to where I need to go or be on my phone during class (most likely with permission because I’m always reading on my phone) that’s why I’m my hero academia and shows the have good and evil bro wtf? Imma be in the middle. I truly think myself as someone you can trust to keep a secret and help when needed but I won’t spy for you on the other group and rat you out. First person that asks I’ll prob help if it’s not hurting someone (most likely bc I’m prob naive and the way you word something like let’s say you asked me to go to a bank to make a deposit or something and now all a sudden come out with money bags like HUHHHHHHHHH? I THOUGHT YOU WERE MAKING A DEPOSIT NOT MAKING AN ILLEGAL WITHDRAWERY WITH ALL THEIR MONEYYYY? (Like my friends and I literally joke about this.) Now all a sudden I’m a getaway driver cause god knows I can’t trust the police with my life😩😩 tfw someone makes you rob a back w/o you knowing✊😔)

- Ayo idc what you do with your life I’ll keep doing what I’m doing, like people trying to peer pressure me into idk let’s say smoking, LIKE BRO I HAVE ASTHMA, IDC HOW GOOD IT MAKE YOU FEEL, ILL LITERALLY DIE IF I DO THAT WHY WOULD YOU TRY TO TRICK ME INTO IT

- I’ve tasted alcohol (REALLY IT WAS ON ACCIDENT I WAS AT CHURCH AND ACCIDENTALLY CHOSE THE WINE INSTEAD OF GRAPE JUICE) before and I will now say I’ll never drink it because that’s the nastiest drink I’ve ever drunken in life

- One of my favorite songs are Love Taste by Moe Shop

- My favorite Pokémon game is prob ultra sun and moon

- don’t ask why I decided to watch every Pokémon movie and play every Pokémon game from X and Y and up (I found a friend that has platinum and am playing it but it’s also the first time ive really lost a Pokémon battle and idk that just started something like how dare you win over ME? THE MAIN CHARACTER? YOU NPC, I HAVE THE AUDACITY TO E N D YOU RIGHT NOW)

- first things first, u seem such like a fun person to be around! 

- i get that, kind words definitely hits :’ you’re very lucky to have people like that in your life, and that person is very very lucky to have you in their life! 

- ohhh okay okay i’m assuming you fell into the anime hole too :D 

- me too, me too. no thoughts, just staying in bed with suna by ur side 

- ur music taste!! ✨

- i’m listening to “not allowed” right now and now i feel like skateboarding...you’re right, it’s very happy but also unsettling :) 

- an extrovert, okay okayy while i don’t understand extroverts, i’m very thankful for extroverts’ existence :)) 

omg i remember people talking about how they “used” to read fanfiction and i was sitting there like 👀 yeah i still do ...and now not only do i read, but also write- 

- ahhhh being told ur wrong when u know ur right is such an awkward place to be 😭i’m glad u stand up for urself though! usually, i just nod like okay, ig 

- i- it’s a lot harder said than done to love ourselves :’) especially when there are so many reasons we believe not to. but self love is the MOST IMPORTANT LOVE! 

- not to sound like a parent lmao but try to maintain a good sleeping schedule! it’ll benefit u in many many factors, especially in the future! <3 

- okay okayy u seem like a really interesting person,  i was very amused while reading that paragraph  :))

- i- yes, health > everything else 

- make sure to choose grape juice next time :’) !! 

- i’m listening to it right now hehe 

- pokemon!!! my childhood was full of pokemon ahhh 

- u definitely know a lot more about pokemon than i do, okay okay, the main character always wins ;) 

[alicemitch09writes]

hi hiii! so, i said once that i listen a lot to a japanese song that reminds me a lot of (un)loving miya atsumu and the song is called crystal snow. the overall vibe of the song and the lyrics just screams of (un)loving to me. here’s some eng translation lyrics that may not be too accurate because i found that the japanese lyrics are, as usual, more poetic.

like snow piles up, i remember what you gave me. you gave me the courage to live

i remember that the scene where atsumu took reader’s hand that left a huge impact on her was also winter. perhaps, it was the start of everything.

i want to hold you one more time before you disappear
ah, crystal flies high wherever it goes
hey, there’s nothing else i want. i just want to feel a little more, can i touch your heart? i want to touch it but it keeps slipping through my fingers. someday, someday....

so we all know about the time where atsumu found out about mika-nee’s relationship. now reader was willing to do everything and anything just so she could be enough to touch tsumu’s heart so he could heal; not even because she thought it was her chance to have him finally. she just wanted her best friend to come back to them. to smile genuinely once again. but the incident happened and well, all those thoughts were all left in the dust.

when you go and smile like that, it hurts a little somehow 
how can I be closer uh uh?
why can’t i find an answer for this love?
how am I gonna find it? how? oh, let me know

when atsumu started to ignore reader’s existence and lived his life blissfully. unaware of the pain and burden he left the person he also swore to protect and put first because he knows how much she put everything and everyone before herself. smh.

crystal snow only holds an ambiguous shape. i can’t bear my story of unrequited love. i’ll manage it on my own surely, i can promise you

again, reader the most selfless person in this universe, was more than willing to bear every single pain all on her own. even saying in one of the chapters that that is what she deserves. (spoiler, no you don’t stupid mf!).

i want to protect you one more time before tears run down your face
But crystal gets further from reach, the more I wish for it
Even after hundred years
I want to live with you, can I be your one?
There is no single star in this snowy sky
Oh, someday, someday

this one’s pretty self-explanatory.

the two of us are already far apart even though we are meant to be together now we can’t choose the pain that colours us even the black breath, even your thick white fog i feel, i feel, i feel, i feel

oh, crystal snow, crystal snow, inside the white fog even though you pass me by and turn to water you are still in my heart (you are in my heart) i watch you shining and reflecting on every sparkling thing i’ll wait for you whenever you may go i want to see you, even if you’re pretending, take my hand and let me know

the dreaded year. where everything is a mess and they went from people who are attached to the hip to people who barely spare each other a glance. “i watch you shining and reflecting on every single sparkling thing” again, while atsumu is basking on his own ignorant, blissful world and using every opportunity he gets to hurt reader, reader just takes it all while still holding onto her naive thoughts.

it’s always you, it’s always you, crystal snow

i also have said this before but in the foreshadowing of your story, it made me feel as though reader would always seek that love from the person who broke her heart. just like how natsume was it for her uncle. just like how even when her dad broke her mom’s heart, her mom still held that longing for him.

okay this is long and idk if i even explained it properly but, it’s a really good song that i fell in love with the moment i listened to it. when i read (un)loving miya atsumu, it immediately reminded me of this beautiful song. if you read all this and think it made sense, i respect u lmao. i just woke up and don’t know if im even coherent enough. - 🎨

hey paint anon, been a while! and no worries! i got what you were trying to say, i'm actually listening to the song now as of typing and got a little teary-eyed as i read through and the music played.

it's a bit christmasy, but its meaning is so profound and deep :">

[jeffhane]

dynasty live watching: an incoherent post so that i’m not spoiling people on the twitter tl (i doubt any of this will be chronological or coherent enough to actually contain spoilers but better safe than sorry!)

oh my god the “previously on” - i forgot abt fallon and evan....

Theyre at a FUNERAL??? this was actually predicted but oh my god. if its steven i am going to be so mad. what an unfitting end to the- WAIT WHAT SIX MONTHS? what was that font;;;;:; whes sueiwjwk

copper arch🥵🥵🥵

this is cute. this is cute i like faloon pretty women so true

BYE I FORGOT ABT THIS VASE

fallon is genuinely such a bad person this is so bizarre,,,, i think she needs to calm down about oiterally everything ever

“This wedding is our chance to break the cycle of craziness” babe ur literally the one making the cycle of craziness

w. was that an ikmenn of liam getting his head off

JEFF MY BELOVED HE LOOKS STUNNING IN THAT OUTFIT. WHYS ALEXIS HERW “POWER COUPLE” YOU WERID MANIPULATIVE PERSON GET AWAY FROM HIM LOL

alexis is up to no good. bad bad jpeg. why do they write her dialogue like this

adam is acted so well lmao he’s the most unhinged person to ever exist *screams*

ohhh dominique, i don’t remember much abt her 😭😭😭 this woman she’s with is beautiful

ITS LAGGING????? i cannot Believe tjis

~rebrand~ ok girlboss!!!!!!!!! can we ship this businesswoman i dont recall her name with fallon???? id like that i think

too many plotlines have happened in too many minutes, i’m already forgettint things that have happened... isn’t blake supposed to be in prisoj? no? Ok: sure

adam is constantly doing this expression that is like 👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁👁 HI SAM HI SAM HI SAM BEAUTIFUL MAN I LOVE HIM WHOS THIS MAN

raf is so stunning ughhhh i’m loving the costumes this season, everyone looks great! is this man a sam love interest? nervous? that is kinda cute. i miss stevej though. sadness. so many emotions

UHHHH hi alexis sure ig ur here

~OMENS~ babe that’s a tad dramatic don’t you think?????????? “Ignore the lore at your own peril” alright

WHOS THAT? WHOS THAT? OH HER OK

bye everything is going wrong for this......:..:::... *rubs hands together evilly* that will certainly be entertaining

credit scene!!! such a beautiful cast! where’s anders, oh how i miss him... i miss monica too wasn’t she supposed to be BACK🤔🤔🤔🧐🧐🤨🤨

its a commercial break... havent had to watch the show with these for so long😑😑😑. getting american ads is so funny bc the vast majority of them are Not at all relevant... at all

BACK TO DYNASTY!!!!!! was that a slinky? huh? oh ok that’s why the marriage is happening at the manor. #whenyouonlyhaveoneset oh hi ok monica so shes not going to be here?????😑😔😳

WHY IS SHE GETTING A CAR I FEEL LIKE THATS FORESHAWDOIWIJG FOR UMMMMM.... NOT GOOD THINGS ..... ITS LAGGING AGAIN 🤨

blake having dinner... ok hi cristal,,,,; is the priest subplot back? that was a weird one

adam???? how on earth does adam work his way into everything? NEXT GUEST? HUH? are you cheating on your wife? HI CULHANE! HI!

“straight people are exhausting” i mean yes, objectively, absolutely, but culhane is #notstraight .... idk how i feel about sam and this man. also what? huh? staying here? ok cool ig

OHHHHH he got married i see i see

“Haven’t you milked the carrington cow already” but....... she is literally the person who deserves the stuff..... k......... i don’t like dominique but she was given the short end of the stick also blake stop manipulating people just bc they tell u the truth😶😶😶😶😶😶😶

frustrated that we haven’t seen fallon in any non-wedding related stuff yet i always liked her more ~dramatic~ plots . like she’s a sweetheart but i do want her to evolve beyond thsi. idk if that makes sense. ok bye

“A relative’s happy marriage” uh???? we live in a society😔📈

who is father lynch<3333 oh he is in the hospital that’s not great oh adam upset that’s new /s

y is kirby dressed like an elf. god bless.

ughhhh i just think adam is not good for kirby. he’s not good in general. so true . what is he up to. ads again hhhhhhhhhh💯

omg we are back!!!!! blake wear the suit!! hi liz!!! i’ve seen pictures of this outfit, it looks nice. “I really want things to work out with liam” now that would be great but you’re in a soap opera so the chances of that are .... I DONT EVEN ONOW IF U CAN WEATHER ANYTHING W CRISTAL...)))))!$$ NOT NECESSARILY THE BEET CHOICE????

~technically it wasn’t cancelled~ alright love i feel as though you’re not telling the full truth here. ok his name is ryan . we know that now . cool . this relationship is awkward but it could be sweet

what the Fuck is dominique talking about this is so creepy😭😭😭 please do not market lingerie to ur niece 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂 why does no one in this show know how to be polite

“You want me to stake my personal assets” i’m sure this would be meaningful if i knew anything about finance????? WAIT WAIT WIAT WAIT WAIT DHE REHEARING THE SAM DONS G THE SONG ALEXIS DONT INTERRUPT HER SINGING THE SONG🧐😔😔😔🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🥰🥰🤬😤😤😤😤😤😤

~duplicitous sham~ that’s quite a juicy phrase ms fallon. alexis i dislike your marriage. and you in fact. yes x . “We were just like any other newlyweds” except the newlywed factor........:

anders. oh my god i adore him so much. he reminds me of my grandfather . YES adam is dangerous. anders i love you so much. be my grandfather figure. top 10 cool old dudes of all time.

liz is so beautiful how am i suppised to “Focus” on the “storyline” kirby just went 🥰🥰 also hi culhane ily babe

“My father’s convinced adam is pure evil” you see, that is......... trueeeee...........:.::: im sorry culhane ily love

this dialogue unfortunately does not flow all that well LOL . people dont think up things like this on the fly “my love is like that boutineer” sir i guarantee that metaphors r not going to save ur relationship... HI sam. so true. hi ily. samhane? culsam? 😳😳

DONT STEAL ANDERS SPOT OH HI JEFF YOU LOOK STUNNING.......... BEAUTIFUL BOY ....... HI!!!! ~you are the only family you’ve ever needed~ shit none of this wouldve happened if the Carringtons werent so greedy ij the first place

~true love has many faces~ how many anti liam omens can they sneak in into the episode 😭😭😭😭 hi laura whats up

the poor waiters at this establishment...... why does laura look like a rlly young version of my grandma........: huh.... wont think abt it /... alexis bad mom.jpeg

“I don’t want to miss my sons special day” ok bye i don’t #care she’s kind of rude

fallon trying to avoid future drama is confusing to me as that used to be her ENTIRE THING? HUH??? everyones talking to their moms today what the heck do that many people talk to their moms???

jeff hiiiii <333 that maroon suit!!!!! love!!!!!

Dont hurt anders you strange little evil man!!!!!!!!!!! (Adam, for reference)

fallon likes to ~e n u n c i a t e~ her dialogue. Drama Teachers Love Her

FIRBY SCENE! WELL THEY R TALKINF! UWU ! UWU ! smiles:) smiiiiiles:) the height difference i cannot do this😑😊😊😊🕯🕯🕯 BYE

BueirHWIIDWJDIWIFJWIFJWJJFWJFJWJDJWJDJWIFJWJFJWJDKWJDJWDJJWHDWHDHWHEHWHDHWJDJWJRJWJEJWJDJQUEUWJEJWJEJW CRIES SOBS SCREAMS THIS OS SO FUCKING FUNNY

Kirby you dumbass😭😭😭😭😭 ALEXIS WUDIWNDJW JEFF CAN YOU NOT HEF FCANKREMTIWN WHY IS THIS DIALOGUE IM SCREAMIGNRJFJD

kirby babe you are the kist imorjri WHQT? HUH? when all the characters have the maturity of a 13 yr old <33333 DID THE SHOW JUST END?????? OK.... DAMN.... they were really 2 minutes away from the end and remembered that things are supposed to happen in tv show episodes.... i cannot tell whether it os over actually?????? huh??? going to keep watching because it would be so embarrassing if i missed a few minutes oh yeah theres more

IM SORRY WHYBARE THESE PEOPLE SO STUPID. every single one of them. ih my god l. ohhhh my god . “I never meant to hurt you” you cheated on him. both of them are bad people. 🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨 kirby darling what were you thinking . this dress on kirby is STUNNING ugh, she’s so charming . adam Shut the fuck up. He hasn’t said anything but shut the fuck up. OH MY GOD ADAM SHUT THE FUCK UP. OH MY GOD I HATE ADAM SO MUXH. OH MY GOD HOW IS HE THE WORST PERSON TO EVER LIVE 😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😶😶😶😶😶😶😶😶😶 HES SO EVIL

“I didn’t want to tell you because i didnt want you to think of me as a monster” why did you do that stuff then bro . Kirby you SHOULDNT trust someone after they say that? How naive? Huh ?

omg hello jeffs grandma!!!!! she deserves better than every shitshow in this family... god🤨 dominique being a good person? i like to see that. she seems so genuine. ok this is nice . wait... SAFE? 😳😳😳😳 💴 💵 #money i miss monica

why do they never have sufficient lifhting in WAIT..... HER?????? #dumbofass HI JEFF <33333333 HI you can scam and whatever ur allowed to i support u

ooohhhh GORGEOUS fallon outfit

“Such a fail” IS THIS 2012 . CRINE HEIDJWJFIWNDWJDNWKFJW ENJDJSDJWJNDJWJD they keep saying folklore and im thinking its some sort of reference to the album and i get confused. wheres scheming fallon. need scheming fallon. do a scheme. do it

“We are that lucky couple” press x to doubt .... wait who is this🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔 this seems cincerning im cocnentwd why did it zoom in on this random man

[jadedjxsung]

written ship

“If ur ok w it can I request a romantic ship bc idk I’m just genuinely curious HHAHAHA,,, Idk how to explain how I look BUT I have long brown hair w bangs, light skin medj big eyes, I have lips leaning towards the plumper side and am 5’3 and a half HHAHAHA. (( if you want I can send a picture if that doesn’t help you !!! ))    As for my personality I’m rlly friendly and understanding !!! I’ve been told I am rlly good at listening and understanding both sides when there’s an argument, and I’m quite outgoing depending on my mood,,, mostly outgoing though !!! I’m quite hot tempered but I can control it. I am the type of person to think a lot and I need to rant to someone about it,,, and I also want to be able to be like a some sort of emotional pillar for some people bc a lot of ppl tell em I’m good at like listening, giving advice and empathizing w problems and such,,, but I care a lot,,, to the point where I get affected by every little thing,,, basically I’m hella sensitive but I’m trying to work on it hehehe.    Idk if this is true or false but I’ll add it in anyway bc it MUGHT be helpful,,, im told I’m like a white puppy ???? Like I’m told I’m like rlly pure and naive and somewhat energetic HHAHAHA,,, bc I always manage to make my friends soft for me or make em talk to me about their struggles naturally. I would say I’m open minded, and bro I literally can’t get mad at anyone ???? Bc I’m scared they’ll get hurt but when something gets too far I’ll try to tell em as nice as possible and to try to not make it look like it’s completely their fault, bc I think that in most situations there’s usually two part of the story so yeah HHAHAHA,,, like I just rlly try to find what the person did good yk hHAHAH,,, my mom has also told me I’m too nice and I try too hard to find the good in ppl to the point where I kinda forget about myself but rlly im working on that.    Tbh im the sort of person to think A LOT A LOT and get myself into stupid things bc I think it’ll be fun and I do it w good intention in mind but then I just end up getting myself into some small drama and I get stressed and ofc I know it’s my fault bc I got myself into it but after that I’ve gotten sooo so paranoid I always think I’m doing something wrong but like I know I didn’t like at the back of my head but I still apologize first.      As for my interests I rlly like dancing, sports in general,,, drawing, music, and working out for some reason HHAHAHA,,, one of my favorite things to do is to just go out for a drive and listen to chill music bc like idk o just find it soooo relaxing !!!! And I like going on walks like on a beach especially when it’s cold and windy Bc it’s rlly refreshing !!! Like I just like staying on a balcony w a nice view w wind just BLOWING yk. Tbh if I were in a relationship o would want it to be like walking in beaches and filming each other’s memories yk bc I just find that so so so fun esp when you compile it and look back at it I’m the future !!!!     I would also love to have like a dog in the future of adopt one or own one w my future s/o bc one, Ive never had a dog but always wanted one and two, it just seems like soooo much fun 🥰. Like I would also LOVE to binge watch a drama w my future s/o or just w friends and family yk bc NGL binge watching a drama is soooo much fun especially when you have people around. I also as I’ve said rlly enjoy singing dancing and drawing,,, especially drawing !!!     At times I can be a big crackhead bc I randomly think of weird questions at random times of the day HHAHAHA and when I ask someone they kinda ask if I’m okay But rlly it just COMES to me ya know. Like one time I thought,,, “would I rather eat curry that tastes like poop or poop that tastes like curry” KSBAJA,,,    I rlly like hugging ppl ??? Idk why ???? I also have a tendency to brush ppls hair JSBSJA,,, I really I’m a big softie w a lot and of crackgead energy HHAHAHA,,, I also rlly like to bake and cook bc it’s therapeutic sometimes and at times I just feel so PROFESSIONAL IABJA wow ok HHAHAHA,,, ok this is LONG but I hope you found it helpful !!!”

-

wow! this is very long haha, but indeed very helpful!

i ship you with…

hyunjin!

okayokayokay so

hyunjin has said that his ideal type is someone who can “listen to my worries well and can empathize to them as if it’s their own worries.”

so you would get along very well!

also you both like dancing so that’s a big plus. bonus points if you already know a lot of skz’s choreography and if hyunjin’s practicing by himself you sometimes join in for funsies and end up dancing like crackheads lmao

next point: kkami.

like you’ll just be looking after kkami for the day, and you were taking a nap with kkami on your couch

and hyunjin enters your house quietly because he wanted to surprise you

and he looks into the living room to see you asleep on the couch, kkami curled up beside you.

by this point you wake up, but continue to pretend sleeping. you hear hyunjin whisper shout “kkami!”

kkami stays beside you, not moving at all. this occurs for about two minutes before you open your eyes and just watch as hyunjin literally is doing his best to get kkami to go to him. he stands up and pouts, then sees you’re awake and goes over to where you’re lying down on the couch.

“kkami loves you more than he loves me” [cue more pouting]

“aww come here baby, it’s okay because i love you and i know he does too. he just doesn’t show it.” you move over and then all three of you end up napping on your couch for a few hours while you run your hands through his quite excellent hair (especially the hair he has now aajkhfskd) :’) w h o l e s o m e 

i think you’d be really good in arguments - you sound like a good mediator and i think being able to see his perspective will help you in sorting out the issue and coming to an agreement/solution. he’s so soft for you though so he can’t be mad at your for long, especially when you never get mad at him. i think that it’s good but also being too empathetic is definitely going to be your downfall sometimes.

tbh i think most of your arguments would probably be based around whatever dramas you’re watching - though these are more of the joking kind of arguments rather than like a fight argument. like whether x character’s redemption arc was actually good or not, or even just little things like what happens in each episode, or oddly specific things like whether x character’s favourite coffee is an americano or a latte. (my friends and i do this with sherlock lmao we argue about it a lot, anyway i digress)

you guys will have drama marathons at least once a month. lots of snacks, blankets, pillows, and cuddles. 

your random questions always make him laugh, you know the one where his eyes crinkle and stuff :)

thank you for requesting @hyungenes​ i hope you are well and stay safe! :)

(also the alternate endings to heather are taking so long because i’ve written about half of each and kinda didn’t know where they were going. i’ll finish them soon though, hopefully!)