#I’m fuckn irritated

[thatheathen]

Oh of course. When science wants to play cop and snitch. As we slowly legalize cannabis state by state, now we’re inventing ways to punish cannabis smokers even further. I can guarantee you, I work better stoned. I function better stoned. I feel “normal”, whatever that means. My chronic depression dissipates. My anxiety isn’t so bad to deal with. My bipolar disorder becomes almost nonexistent thanks to cannabis. It’s a fucking medicine. It’s my medicine. What’s next? Tobacco breathalyzers? Caffeine breathalyzers? This country is a joke. I hate it here.

(X)

[eli-corvis]

The Devil Amongst the Dead

Summary: It has been some time since the Kengan Annihilation Tournament and while many believed Ohma Tokita [The Asura] to be dead he is in fact still alive. Hidden in the Kure Village and recovering from his heart transplant performed by none other than Hanafusa Hajime [The Dissector] himself. But this story is not about him. No it’s about the Kure Clan’s strongest but most out of control member. Kure Raian [The Devil] and what would be his usual assassination contract takes an unexpected turn when he is sent to an island city with just as much crime and corruption as The Inside. This city is called Roanapur. Known to many who live there as the city of the dead.

Prologue: The Devil Approaches

[Six Months After the Kengan Annihilation Tournament]

Black sclera eyes slowly open up to see a clear blue sky. The scent of sea salt from the ocean is heavy as the sounds of seagulls can be heard overhead. “Hm, must be here already” thought the young man as he sat up from where he was laying down from. Rubbing his black sclera eyes and taking in his surroundings to still be on top of a shipping container on board a cargo ship he stowed away on. He looked around to see he was close to his destination and from a distance he saw a large headless Buddha statue carved in a tall rock and beyond that further away is a city resting on an island.

“Heh, so this is where the bastard is hiding” he scoffed to himself “about time I got here, I was getting tired of hiding on this piece of shit like a fuckn rat ” he said as he stood up to get a better view as the cargo ship approaching the island. The man on board this cargo is none other the Kure Raian. A member of the infamous Kure Clan that has been around for 1,300 year. Looking back on the events that led up to this Raian started to wonder “why did the old man pick me for this shit?. Normally I could’ve been sent off to wipe out a crime syndicate, a terrorists cell, or even some elitist asshole with enough money to hire a private army. At least those got my blood pumping.” Irritated that he could’ve been on a job that usually left a trail of body has Raian pissed off at the fact he allowed the old man tricked him into taking this contract in the first place.

[48 hours ago in the Kure Village Around a particular city, 500 kilometers away from Tokyo]

Kure Erioh the Patriarch of the Kure Clan was given an unusual commission for a contract by an anonymous client, to a place he hasn’t been to in years, Roanapur. An old Thai port in southern Thailand, where the deserters and the losers of the Vietnam War took refuge and were joined by the worst villains and criminals of the planet. Prostitutes, drug-addicts, mercenaries, killers, and psychopaths of any nationalities compose the population of Roanapur.

Erioh’s knowledge of this crime infested cesspool is limited due to only have gone there during his time as The Fang. Any useful information is hard to come by without a inside source. But luckily for him he has just the right man for the job. Having his great-grandson summoned to the main room of the Traditional Japanese house, Raian walked in and approached the head of the Clan “What do ya want grandfather?” Raian said clearly annoyed at being called upon, Erioh didn’t seem to care of his grandson's annoyance. “I got a job for you Raian, something to get you more active since The Tournament” Raian arched an eyebrow at this “well I’m not interested in whatever bullshit you got for me, get one of The Three Stooges to run your damn errands.” Raian referring to Kure Hollis, Kure Reiichi, and Kure Horio. “Their each fulfilling their own obligations at the moment. And I’m sure that this contract will not bore the likes of you, if i was to send you, their is nobody more suited for this contract, or must i send someone else take this contract.” He said while stroking his chin in thought. “Perhaps this might be that too much for you to handle you spoiled brat.”

Erioh said mockingly while giving Raian a challenging smirk. Raian returns the smirk with a murderous grin of his own. “Better watch it old man or I might just kill you right here and now” he said as he took a step closer to his elder. “You can try boy, but as I stated before, I’m not going to let some snot-nose brat kill me just yet. Besides I think you’ll find that this worthwhile if you were to listen for once, I can be sure of that.”

Erioh calmly said as he stood up from where he was sitting and headed towards the door, Raian adamantly followed right behind him. “Ever since your fight against Tokita Ohma and Hayami Katsumasa's Guardians back on Ganryu Island you have not been active in these past six months.” Erioh gave Raian a glance over his shoulder as they walk down the long halls of the Traditional Japanese house. “Yeah so what, still haven’t give me a damn good reason why I should take this job in the first place.” Raian angrily said “Patience Raian, patience. First you’ll need to be informed on your target” arriving at the back door of the house Erioh opened the door to reveal Kure Fusui.

Raian’s younger sister and the liaison between the Kure Clan and the Kengan Association, she turned around to greet her grandfather “Hello grandfather, how are you doing?” she said to while walking up to and embracing him in a hug. “Oh I’m doing just fine don’t worry about this old man, tell me how have you been my dear?” Erioh said being the doting grandfather he is known for amongst the the Kure Clan. Fusui smiled and perked up “I’m doing great grandfather, and before you ask Karla is doing good as well both in school and at home, and Mr. Yamashita though still broken up about Ohma, he’s done quite well from himself these past few months. Speaking of Ohma, how is he doing?” She asked curiously. “Oh don’t you worry my dear Fusui, Tokita Ohma is doing just fine and with the help of our secret healing techniques, he will recover in no time.”

“I’m glad to hear that” she said with a smile. “So what are you and big bro up to?” she asked just noticing that her older brother was standing there with his arms crossed. “Remember that special task i asked of you before you left?” He asked. Fusui perked up “That Roanapur job right?.” Erioh nodded “Well from what I could gather I’ve confirmed the target has been spotted there but it seems like he’s hired one of the local gangs as hired muscle, so getting to him quickly won’t be so easy, and even if you manage to take care of both of them the other gangs will most likely jump in, which will make things more complicated” she stated “Well that won’t be much of an issue, because your brother will be taking the contract, won’t you Raian” Erioh said in a taunting manner.

“You sure about that grandfather, I mean I have no doubt big bro can deal with this no problem but-” Fusui was then interrupted by her brother “Hey now the old man has been very persistent about this shit, so tell me who’s the fucker that the old bastard is sending me kill and I might just consider it.” Raian said eagerly “Oh, umm alright then.” She then pulls out a laptop from inside her bag and passes it to Raian.

Raian takes the laptop, opening it up to see the screen presented to him.

[Contract Briefing]

•Target name: Dr. Alton Blonsky

•Age: 59

• Occupation: Bioengineer/Geneticist

• Adjective: Eliminate Dr. Blonsky and destroy any and all research found and eliminate any and all who would stand between your adjective.

• Last Confirmed Location: Roanapur, Thailand

• Target Price: $50,000,000

• Target information: Dr.Blonsky is a Bioengineer and Geneticist and researcher for genetics he has went into hiding after it was discovered you was selling his unethical research on the black market for the highest bidder. Years after his disappearance sources have spotted him active in the city of Roanapur. He is seemingly under the employment/protection of the local criminal organization.

• Payment Method: Upon accepting this contract the first half of the payment will be sent through wireless transaction method of your choice. And receive other half of payment upon completion.

[End of Briefing]

□Accept □Decline

Raian closed the laptop and handed it back to Fusui. “So some mad scientist is selling trying the secret of immorality or some shit right?” Taking the laptop back and placing it back inside her bag Fusui shook her head and said “I don’t know the details on what he was working on or who’s he trying to sell his research too, all I know is that some very big players are going to be interested in buying whatever he has cooking up, so whatever he’s making it must be a really big deal.” Erioh then stepped into the conversation. “So, Raian tell me do you accept?”

[48 hours later on the Ports of Roanapur]

As the crew of the cargo ship started to unload their shipments and do an inventory check Raian snuck pass all of the of the crew without them even noticing he was there. Now heading to the main street through the docks he pulls a piece of paper Fusui has given him before taking off with all contact information he will be needing during his time here. “Don’t plan on being here long but this shit will come in handy when I need it.” He said to himself as he reads off the address for his safe house with a side note at the below saying.

“While you’re there can you do me a huge solid and pick up a modified sniper rifle I ordered there, it should’ve been sent out days ago but since you’re there you can do it for me please, appreciate it bro.

-Love your favorite sister Fusui.♥︎”

Raian could only scoff while reading the note his sister left him. “The hell does she think I am, her errand boy” reading the address the only thing it said was The Church of Violence “I don’t got time for this shit” he said as he balled up the piece of paper and placed it back inside his pocket before walking off towards the direction of his safe house.

The city of Roanapur is known for many things, one of which is being the world capital for crime and corruption, for criminals and madmen to thrive. But now The Devil has arrived, beware for the man know as The Devil has come, and he will destroys any and all that stands in his way.

Author's Note: Hey ya’ll, if you haven’t figured it out yet this is a Kengan Ashura x Black Lagoon crossover the idea kinda popped in head one day and I was like “how am I going to make this work” so days of brainstorming later I’ve my story layout but the question was who am I going to send from kengan to the den of criminals, and obviously my first choice was Raian but the i thought about it some more and thought about having Agito Kanoh, Hatsumi Sen, Muteba Gizenga, Kiryu Setsuna, hell even Tokita Niko came to mind. The setting of black lagoon takes place in the early 1990s so it make a lot more sense for Niko to be there timeline wise but after talking about it with another writer here I stuck with Kure Raian, now this is my first fanfiction, like every but that will be no excuse for my writing to be shit, like spelling mistakes or grammar errors or major OFC. I’ll do my best to stay faithful to each character. And since I’ve picked Raian for this story, I’ll be making some small changes to the black lagoon universe to fit with the world of Kengan. If you haven't noticed I implied that Kure Erioh has been to Roanapur in the past, who know I might just make a side story exploring that plot point...maybe. Ok that’s enough of me ranting for now, until next time.

[denniezemclyon]

My roaring voice

16.07.2020

I have been putting it off for quite a couple days now. I am having anxiety and have suffered from headaches for days and nights bcos of our current situation where my family's visa has alrdy expired and we are in deep shit debt, struggling financially. Dennis (my father) kept on bugging us to talk, he's come and gone here in our home since last month a couple times which is more than compared to the past couple of years since he's left us. He's messing up mom and our minds.

As much as I don't wanna admit it, it's makin me long to spend more time with him as we grew up deprived of a father but it hurts my pride, my whole being to know tht I still have those thoughts and feelings of missing him. Cos evn tho I'm angry, disgusted, cautious and lost my respect and def trust for him, there's still love. And I hate it so much that it's the truth.

Last time he went here, we discussed abt our current impasse. They argued as usual and kept on fighting with their tonation and their spiteful words, both him and my mom. But I've had it and just told them off, I tried my fuckn best not to swear and not to completely raise my voice and avoided walkn out (which I always do before cos I don't like confrontation). Then I had ths discussion with my mom.

I don't know whether to call it "coming out" cos I never rly hid it tht well but yeah.. We had exchanges of hurtful words. She got grossed out tht I was a "tomboy" which is hurtful cos she kept on saying she loved her queer friends and I find it very hypocritic of her tht she's supportive, understanding and consoling to them but whn presented the fact tht I am one she couldn't accept it. I told her tht.

To be fair, she always expresed her fears of having her children becoming queer or homosexual cos she saw how her friends were. The maltreatment, discrimination, shame and other stuff tht she didn't want us to go through. Which is her right as a parent. And within our current situation maybe she blew up tht's why she lashed out. And ultimately, she got hurt cos I didn't come to her. And I knew tht. Maybe I was deliberately hiding my thing for this girl, for wht 7-9 months? And my mom just found out now. Also, she might've reacted tht way cos I was tensed with her, distant, cold and nasty ass rude to her. I'm not justifying her behaviour cos godknows I'm fed up butyeah.. I know.

She said she wasn't sorry with her statements and conclusions but said tht maybe one day she might accept me for me. It doesn't matter tho cos I too am not gon be sorry for who I am. But I understood and didn't evn dare to argue with it. I am hurt, deeply, tbh but I can't force someone to accept me. Not evn my mom. I don't need tht. And believe me, I am not speaking out of anger or sarcasm. I'm just tired of having to feel tht I am hiding evn whn I'm not. So to put it simply, fuck it and fuckyeah.

Then Dennis and I were talkn over te phone, I let her hear it she went sniding on the side which is just irritating, I told her to "shut up, please" cos I was busy telling him off. I made some points and stood my ground and refused to be talkd over. I fought with him and made him understood tht he's condescending, he's toxic and just to stop playing the victim. He wasn't the only one suffering and made sacrifies, I told him tht and I will make hhim understand the meaning of tht evn if it takes ages.

I am so tired of playing piggy-in-the-middle since I was a child and within these past days I am learning to have a voice. Tho I hate it tht when I speak my tears won't stop and there's a slight crack in my tone. I was trying to be strong and stern and firm but I couldn't and I looked like a helpless child. I hate tht. But I am also proud of myself tht I'm starting to take charge. I'll roar and I will roar loud.

They both have issues with people, issues with each other being indifferent and issues as a child tht they bear and I want to save them cos I love them, I do. But in order for me to have tht chance, I need to save myself first. I will not stand for their immaturity, manipulation, woes, frustrations which is ther right and tbh not all the time they purposely do but yeah. I need to be brave and courageous not only for myself but for my dreams, my future and most importantly my siblings, my family.

I don't care if I end up being some villain in their stories cos when the time comes and it will come, they'd know tht we'e all just trying to be heard, trying to be understood and trying to be at peace.

[galaxy-bread345]

Part Two: Time Heals All Wounds

This is the second part to my analysis of Jak/ Keira’s relationship. More is under the cut but remember this is a examination of a fictional relationship. It is by no means an attempt to bash one ships so read it at your own caution. 

This one is definitely going to be long because its messy as hell. There are six?scenes in this game that include Jak and Keira interacting and the emotions are all over the place. Particularly because of the stupid love triangle they try to create between Jak, Keira, and Ashelin and because nothing actually gets resolved between them. 

When Jak and Daxter first interact with Keira  they don’t realize its her and neither does she. This is a personal gripe of mine because its very obvious to the player that its Keira. She wouldn’t have recognized Jak’s voice because when she knew him he was nonverbal.  Jak or at the very least Daxter should have recognized her voice though. It didn’t change, she still has the same tone and speech pattern as she did in the first game. So finding a person who sounds like the girl they knew back home, who is a mechanic.....working on zoomers....... should have keyed them that this is Keira. I can be lenant on Jak because he did spend two years in jail and having PTSD can cause memory issues so his memory of her might have faded. Tbh, I’m surprised Daxter didn’t become suspicious of her and try to go behind the curtain regardless of the secret vehicle project. He’s never been one to listen to authority and its not gonna stop at a cute sounding women. There’s also a lot of conflicting emotions going on in this cutscene. Keira thinks that its just another creepy guy and wants him to stop trying to poorly flirt with her so she can work. Jak is either trying to flirt, irritated that shes being difficult, or excited over the hoverboard. At no point does she try to flirt back, she only tells him she’ll consider him for the team if he can beat her course. I don’t know why but the game tries to play this off as flirting or at the very least has Jak respond as if she did flirt. This isn’t flirting, shes compromising to get him to go away and having him respond like that is weird and ooc. They also play saxophone music over the entire cutscene to make it come off as sexy when its not. If anything its confusing because the tone of the music doesn’t match the scene. She’s not interested and he can’t read the room. We still have the same dynamic from the first game of both of them using each other to provide a service. She needs a driver and someone to test out her hoverboard. He wants to be a driver because hes working with Krew so he can further his own goals of killing the Baron and then pumps her for information when he has the chance. Right off the bat, its not a good start and it only gets worse. 

The second interaction is better in the aspect that they all finally recognize each other only because this time Daxter actually talks and Keira recognizes his voice. It implies that Keira would remember Daxter’s voice but Daxter wouldn’t remember Keira’s even though its only been two years. The player can assume from the first game that they all grew up together so this reasoning is absolute bullshit. Daxter would have recognized Keira’s voice in their first interaction and started snooping. We then have Keira react joyously to see Daxter but say “ I never thought I would be so glad to see your furry mug” which means prior to this she didn’t have a lot of feelings about him. It isn’t surprising but it just reaffirms that she never particularly cared enough about him to imagine being happy to see him. Keira barely tolerated Daxter in TPL. Shes happy to see him not because their friends but because hes a familiar face, someone to remind her of home. After this, we finally have our first real interaction between Jak and Keira and.... its not good. She appears shocked and worried over how different he is now. It never crossed her mind that the guy who kept bothering her was Jak. She isn’t as happy to see Jak as she was to see Daxter so thats got to hurt.  After Daxter briefly fills her in on what happened she informs them shes been looking everywhere for them and trying to find a way back home. What bothers me about this part is that both Daxter and Keira were running around the city trying to find everyone else. Daxter was more focused on busting Jak out cuz he was in prison but he wouldn’t have not looked for Keira. They didn’t get along at all but hes not heartless and its nice have someone you know around. So what gets me is how did these two not run into each other???!!! Keira’s an ace at zoomers and what mechanic doesn’t know how to operate her own machines? The city isn’t big enough that they would have NEVER cross paths in two years. Yeah, it might be hard locating a small creature but lets also remember Daxter  doesn’t like to get dirty which means he is going to stick to the cleaner parts of the city as much as he can. He’s also bright fuckn orange it wouldn’t be difficult to spot him considering how washed out everything is. Going off of the logic that Daxter wouldn’t recognize Keira by voice he would at the very least recognize her by her clothes. There’s hardly any difference between her design in the first game and second. Which means that by some odd chance either they never bumped into each other or Keira spent more time working on her projects then she did looking for them. She built the rift rider from SCRATCH. It must have taken ages to not only get set up in the stadium but to also find all the pieces and work out how to make a vehicle that can withstand time travel without exploding. This has never been done before and the only guidelines she has is what she remembers from seeing the first one that was degraded after being abandoned at the citadel. That is going to take a lot of work but also a lot of time considering she has to get the zoomers fixed up and operating for the race team which gives her very little time to actually search the city. Her priorities are completely out of order because she spent more time making a vehicle than she did looking for her so called friends and in those two years both of them could have died. Jak from literally being experimented on and Daxter from starvation, getting eaten, getting poached, and disease given how disgusting the city is. I know I’m ragging on her a lot but the writing for her character is piss poor. The implication that she spent more time working on the vehicle than looking for her friends bothers me. She might not have known that Jak was in jail and thats completely valid but its just another example of why her friendship with Jak is non-existent. She should have found her friends and father first then think of a way to get home. Whats the point of making the vehicle in the first place if you can’t find your father and your friends aren’t alive anymore? She could still go home but it wouldn’t be the same. 

Keira does offer to help Jak get close to Baron since its important to him which is nice since it shows she is considerate of his goals. I’m going to go into more detail later on but Keira doesn’t talk to him about what he went through. This conversation never goes back to “ hey, you’ve clearly been through shit but what specifically happened? Are you mentally ok?” cuz she knows what dark eco does to a person shes seen it first hand with Gol and Mia but we never see her really check in with him and he doesn’t offer any details to her either. 

Alright, moving onto the third interaction with the bs cat fight between Keira and Ashelin which isn’t much of a fight but rather Keira being pissy. After Jak and Daxter win the race their hanging out with Keira catching up when Ashelin comes into congratulate Jak and also thank him for helping out. Keira becomes immediately defense while Jak tries and fails to play it cool.  At this point, they are not in a relationship and its been over two years since they have interacted with each other. Neither of them knows if the other still likes them or if their feelings have changed. Keira could have dated someone and after being broken out of prison so could Jak. If Keira is going to judge Jak for liking Ashelin then he has every right to judge her for liking Erol. Ashelin and Erol are both in the Baron’s forces. Shes not stupid, she would have to be aware that Erol works for the Baron given that its literally his job and racing is something he appears to do in his off time. This is a stupid double standard and is meant to pit Keira and Ashelin against each other seeing as how their the only main female characters besides Tess who isn’t interested in Jak. Whether Keira was acting defensively because Jak was talking to another women or because it was Ashelin specifically she has no justification. Even if they were in a relationship that shouldn’t hinder his ability to talk to other women. To say that Jak shouldn’t interact with Ashelin because shes the Baron’s daughter, something Ashelin didn’t get to choose, is hypocritical when Keira is literally buddy buddy with the guy who chose to help the Baron. Ashelin makes it clear she can’t protect Jak from Erol and after this Keira should have realized her friend Erol was a threat to Jak and could have helped the Baron torture him. But nope! all we get is Daxter making a remark about Ashelin liking Jak and Keira is in jealous mode when Jak didn’t even do anything. She should be upset and asking questions about how Jak knows Erol and why hes a danger to him. She should be discussing what they want to accomplish seeing how their goals don’t perfectly align. 

At this point, a friendship has still not been established but they do care about each other in a “I know you and I obviously don’t want to see you get hurt cuz im not a complete dick”, Keira is acting like a jealous girlfriend when a RELATIONSHIP hasn’t even been established, Jak is just confused, and neither of them are discussing any problems they might have with the other and we haven’t even covered them fighting yet :)))

Their fourth interaction starts off with Jak running into Erol first who is in Keira’s workshop which means she let him in even though she knows hes a danger to Jak. Even though Jak and Keira have not gotten along at all in the game he is immediately concern for her safety because he knows how much of a danger Erol can be. Regardless of how Keria has treated him Jak still cares about her and doesn’t want to see her get hurt. He tries to tell her that Erol isn’t who she thinks he is. Yeah, hes a good racer but hes also a shit person who is helping the Baron. He has first hand experience of Erol’s cruelty and he doesn’t want Keira to suffer the same fate. Her response to this is to point out that Jak is a more aggressive person now and isn’t the same kid she knew in Sandover Beach. Jak tries to defend himself, shuts down and storms off. This entire conversation is a culmination of how bad these two are at communicating with each other and why they shouldn’t be in a relationship until they get their shit together. Kiera has: 

failed to acknowledge Jak’s traumatic experiences or ask Jak about what he has been through 

 been immediately ready to leave asap even if this means abandoning people who will most likely die in the war

 been hypocritical of who Jak associates with when she is on good terms with Erol, someone known to work for the Baron and implied to be a danger to Jak specifically 

used the fact that Jak is different due to forced experimentation as an excuse to defend Erol’s shit morals and shitty behavior  

acted like a jealous girlfriend when they aren’t even in a relationship 

Jak has: 

vaguely talked about his goals but not enough for Keira to get a clear picture of what needs to happen 

not explained how deep he is in with the Underground and Krew so he can’t just back out of it 

shown to actually give a shit about people so no hes not going to simply abandoned innocent lives even if means he will never go home 

not tried to communicate with Keira that talking about the Baron/ Erol/ his imprisonment is a sensitive topic that needs to be taken with utmost  caution

I know its easy to look at Jak being angry with Keira as him being an asshole and to think he should explain more so she understands but Daxter has already told her that he was experimented on by the Baron with dark eco. That alone is enough for her to understand this topic must be taken seriously. Yes, Jak needs to be clearer about whats currently going on but he is under no obligation to inform Keira of every little detail of what hes been through. Talking about or sharing information about traumatic experiences can be overwhelming and cause the person to have flashbacks or panic attacks. He needs to be able to discuss it at his own pace. He lashed out because hes upset and rightfully so. It is not an easy subject and if he doesn’t feel comfortable talking to her about it its probably because he doesn’t have faith that she will listen to him or he doesn’t trust her. Him ending the conversation and leaving to cool down was the best thing he could have done in this situation. They both need to fuckn communicate with each other and listen to what the other person has to say otherwise nothing will get resolved. 

Their fifth interaction leaves much to be desired because NEITHER ONE OF THEM APOLOGIZES. I would say Keira is the one who needs to do it the most because she was being an insensitive dick to him last time. Jak still needs to explain what the fuck is going on instead of getting angry when she barely knows what has happened to him but that doesn’t happen. Daxter literally tells them what they need to do. Stop moping around and make up already! For the love of God please fuckn communicate! None of the problems are addressed instead Keira tells Jak “ Your the best driver i’ve seen” and to “leave them in the dust” WHICH ISN’T AN APOLOGY!!!! SHES JUST FLATTERING HIM!!!!! The game acts as if this is a touching moment when its shallow as fuck nothing is resolved. Jak begrudgingly compliments her on the work shes done and states he will get the objects she needs but he doesn’t apologize for lashing out last time. None of the issues that they have had specifically from the last conversation have been addressed. Its glossed over and forgotten never to be brought up again. 

Not including the interaction at the portal but the last interaction they have at the end of the game we see them being all lovely dovey. Arms around the waist, she flirts with calling him a handsome hero and he tries to kiss her. Suddenly they are a okay with each other even though throughout the entire game they constantly argued, got mad at each other, once again didn’t establish a working friendship and literally showed each of them using the other for their own benefits. Keira wants to go home and Jak can help her. Jak wants to go after the Baron and Keira has information and can provide him the opportunity to get close to the Baron. Its assumed they still have crushes on each other even though they act like they cant stand each other 95% of the time. It just doesn’t make sense. 

Them being happy with each other at the end of the game is not realistic and it needs to be shown that they apologized and tried to communicate and work together. They need to have a reason to be around each other other than one of them providing a service. They need to be emotionally invested in each other. I’m sure that there are some points I could have explained better but overall these two literally can’t be in a relationship at least not a healthy one. I think Jak 2 gives the most evidence of why they shouldn’t be together romantically but i will still look over 3 and Jak X. Most of the problems these two have besides poor communication is that Keira isn’t a very well written character and they could be a functioning and healthy couple if Keira was written not only as a friend but shown to care about Jak outside of shallow attractiveness to him. Jak needs learn how to open up to people and massive amount of therapy. I don’t think its quite fair to have him open up about his trauma in this game but in later games because its just too soon. 

Last post will cover Jak 3 and Jak X and will hopefully be shorter than this one. 

Edit: Im sorry but im gonna make this a little bit longer  I said I was going to keep this as unbiased as possible so I need to include this cuz I’m judging Keira more harshly than I am Jak. I ragged on Keira a lot for not taking the time to understand Jak’s trauma so I have to do the same for Jak. Keira hasn’t suffered the same way he has but landing in Haven City with no friends, no family, and be dealt with harsh cruelty can be traumatic. Shes definitely has had a hard time with creepy people. As much as I blasted her for being friends with Erol its probably because he treated her right. In the two years shes been in the city it doesn’t sound like she made a lot of friends and only really appears to be close to Erol which leaves me to believe he went out of his way to be nice to her and get to know her. Jak doesn’t try to understand why Erol and Keira are close and it would have helped them both if he informed her that Erol was the one helping the Baron experiment on him. He also never talked to Keira about what the last two years were like for her or really check in to see if mentally shes doing okay. Hes focused on himself and his own goals which is fair but friendship is a two way street. He has to be there for Keira if he wants Keria to be there for him. As much as I sympathize for Jak, its a tight balance of respecting his mental illness/ traumatic experiences but also holding him accountable for his actions. What has happened to him is not an excuse for him to be an asshole. He has to put the work into be a better person than the people who tormented him. 

[gore-hovnd]

Don’t Breathe: Part Two

As per request of @hydra-trash-spot

Warning For: Toxic/Controlling Relationship, Emotional/Physical Abuse

(Also, side note, I’m literally incapable of proofreading unless things are in post format so please excuse my typos pff)

(Side Note pt 2, electric boogaloo; I edited it and now it’s not as BAD. Idk if this is gonna retag but if it does I’m SORRY, bc I’m awful and I’ve been fixing the formatting smh)

Sweat droplets rolled between his shoulders in a way that made his skin crawl as he shifted in his seat. Staring blankly at the paperwork in his hand, Jack began to read the paragraph at the top of the page for the fifth time. 

Of course there was maintenance happening on the building’s AC unit, of course today was the hottest day of the week, and of course Brock felt the need fuck him over in more ways than one by not letting him call off work for that day. When he looked at it from Brock’s standpoint as a commander, Jack understood why. The STRIKE team had an urgent mission come up, they would be leaving for it in three days, and they needed everyone to be ready. But when he looked at it from Brock’s standpoint as his boyfriend, Jack knew it was just Brock being the biggest dick imaginable at that point. It hadn’t been enough to drag him around the house in a dog collar that left dark, saturated bruises in its wake and made speaking a chore. It wasn’t enough to humiliate him by claiming that the bruising across Jack’s nose and beneath is eyes was from him coming into unfortunate contact with the shower rod the night before. And it wasn’t enough to make Jack come to work in a heavy jacket, zipped all the way up, in ninety degree weather to hide the bruises over his throat. Because nothing was ever enough and despite trying to stay out of Brock’s line of sight all day, Jack knew he’d always be Brock’s primary target.

“I need you to pick up training with Cap today.” Brock stated plainly while JAck shared a lunch that only one of them ate. 

Jack recoiled, looking up from the slowly cooling chicken pasta in front of him. He’d only gotten three bites in before he decided that it hurt too much to swallow. 

“Why?” Jack grumbled, his voice low and weak from both the abuse to his vocal cords as well as disuse. He hadn’t said a word to Brock all day, the anger in him once again rising, bashing against the cage of his resolve like a wild beast trying to break free. 

“‘Cause Pierce called me about havin’ another meeting this morning. I don’t got a choice here, Jackie, I already told the big guy you’d be there.” Brock explained as he scrolled through his emails at his computer. 

“Why not jus’ fuckn’ reschedule.” Jack grumbled under his breath, rising from his seat and throwing his lunch into the bin by Brock’s desk with more force than necessary. The combination of the action and his attitude had Brock looking up from his work, staring at Jack with an irritated look despite the upward turn of his lip. 

“What was that, mouth?” He asked and Jack hesitated for a second. He could challenge it, could try to put Brock in his place, but the lingering threat of the previous night’s events bred an unfamiliar fear in his chest and he pulled his gaze away. 

“Nothin’.” He mumbled, shoving his hands in his jacket pockets before making his escape. 

***

Jack sat in the gym for twenty minutes waiting for Steve. 

And in that twenty minutes he contemplated what the hell had just happened. He’d never been afraid of Brock before. Upset? Yes. Wary? Of course. Angry? Abso-fucking-lutely, but afraid? Never. And whatever was causing that fear to fester in his chest was making him sick. 

The doors to the gym opened and Jack broke from his thoughts, staring up to meet the bright, happy smile on Steve’s face that oh-so-awfully contrasted from his own bitter mood in a way that was borderline annoying. 

“Been a while,” Steve chuckled, offering his hand to help Jack get up from his place on the floor. He took it, pulling himself up and suppressing a hiss of pain as his body ached. That brief tumble down the stairs last night must’ve taken more out of him that he originally thought. 

As the two of them readied themselves; stretching, wrapping their hands, and ultimately building dread in Jack’s stomach, he couldn’t help but lose himself again. 

“Are you gonna wear that the whole time?” Steve piped up, pulling Jack back to reality for the third time in the past hour. 

“What?” He asked, forcing his shoulder to stretch despite the strain of his muscle. 

“That jacket.” Steve elaborated, gesturing at him to emphasize. 

Jack glanced down at it, somehow momentarily forgetting he had it on, before shrugging with a nod. 

“Yeah.” 

That was all he chose to say before the two of them stepped into the ring. There he stood: in a jacket, white basketball shorts, and black athletic ankle supports, staring at Steve who wore something similar, just with a tank top instead. 

The two of them sparred for a bit and from the very beginning, Jack knew it wasn’t going to end well for him. The soreness that blanketed him only seemed to get heavier the longer he tried to force his body to move. It slowed his reactions, made it impossible to keep up with the living god that was Steve Rogers. Jack didn’t think he could take goddamn Captain America down even on a good day so trying to on a day where all of his muscles were simultaneously on fire definitely wasn’t going to work in his favor. 

And try as he might, one particularly well timed hit to his ribs had him on the floor. When he looked at the clock, he’d found that they’d been at it for a solid forty-five minutes and Jack was almost impressed with himself. That is until Steve fussed over him like a damn mother hen. 

“Shit, Rollins are you alright?” Steve asked, dropping to his knees to seemingly try and get a closer look at Jack who, in turn, waved him off as he spit his mouthguard out onto the floor. 

“M’ fine,” Jack wheezed unconvincingly as he pushed himself up with one arm, the other wrapped securely around his chest. Steve didn’t seem convinced, deciding to go for the jacket which had Jack pulling away reflexively. 

Steve paused, staring at him for a moment before he pulled the collar of the jacket down and all Jack could do was look up to avoid seeing the concerned look on Steve’s face. He let Steve unzip the jacket and pull it from his shoulders, getting a closer look. Even the gentle grazes of Steve’s fingers over the bruises on his neck had him flinching, less from actually feeling any pain and more from expecting it. What the hell had Brock done to him? And to think, for a few delusional hours, he thought he was lucky to have that man. 

“What happened to you?” Steve asked but Jack didn’t answer, responding by shrugging the jacket back over his shoulders and forcing himself to stand despite how much his body protested. “Did someone try to kill you?” 

For a single, cursory moment, Jack paused while his brain took time to do a hard reset. The suggestion felt so ridiculous that he wasn’t sure what else to do but play along with it. So he shrugged and watched as Steve shook his head in disbelief. 

“Did you file a report?” He asked and Jack released a bitter laugh. 

“What? Hell no.” He snorted. He knew that Steve’s mind was somewhere else entirely but he couldn’t help imagining what it would be like trying to file a report against Brock. He’d be killed, likely. Pierce already hated their relationship, said it was a “conflict of interest.” Jack thought it was asinine at first but now he was beginning to think Pierce, slimy bastard that he was, was right. 

“You need to, this is important!” Steve demanded. Jack wasn’t entirely sure how he was supposed to react and instead just shrugged it off with a quiet ‘s’ fine.’ only to earn himself a frustrated sigh from Steve. 

“It’s not fine, it’s dangerous! You know what we do, it’s...our line of work isn’t exactly a forgiving one.” Steve huffed. ‘Tell me about it,’ Jack’s thoughts chimed as he shook his head, staring at Steve with a tired look. 

“I gotta get back to work. STRIKE team ships out in three days, be ready.” His voice was monotonous and bland as he turned to head back toward the locker rooms. That’s when Steve grabbed his arm and a rush of adrenaline tore through his body with the force of a fire hose as he turned to throw a punch that Steve quickly dodged, releasing him in the process. Jack didn’t know when he started trembling but now that he noticed, he couldn’t calm his nerves. The sad look that Steve gave him did nothing more than ignite an angry fire within him and suddenly, he was overwhelmed with the feeling that he wanted to fight again. 

“You don’t have to do this alone, I can help you.” Steve offered, taking a step forward and offering a gentle hand, only to have Jack grab hold of his wrist with an unnecessarily intense grip. 

“Ever stop to think I don’t need your fuckin’ help, Rogers?” Jack growled. “Ever stop to think I might just need your head outta’ my ass?” 

With a grimace, Jack shoved Steve back and turned without a second thought, zipping his jacket up as he retreated to lick at the wounds rubbed raw by Steve’s pity. 

***

Going through a week long mission with Steve, while simultaneously trying to hide the bruises Brock gave him, had been absolute hell. So it was understandable that all Jack wanted to do when he got home was sleep. Unfortunately for him, all Brock wanted to do was fuck. 

“I’m serious, no.” Jack growled, pushing Brock’s hand from his hip only for that same imposing hand to latch right back on. 

“Oh, c’mon, Jackie, I need you inside me.” Brock purred, licking at Jack’s throat. By then, the bruises had become a sickly yellow and were faint enough for Jack to stop wearing hoodies and jackets to hide them. The rest of his body healed accordingly and things could go back to being relatively normal, something Jack wasn’t sure if he wanted. Because Brock made him hate normal. 

“I said I don’t want to.” Jack said more firmly this time, finally managing to shove Brock back on his haunches. Pushing himself up on his elbows, Jack held Brock’s glare before his commander finally scoffed and stood up from their bed with a huff. 

“You know, you seriously make me wanna fuckin’ hit you sometimes.” Brock growled as he left the room, undoubtedly planning to sleep on the couch. He always slept on the couch when he was sick of looking at Jack, when seeing Jack made him angry. He knew this, he knew Brock got mad when he said no, knew that Brock didn’t like it when he refused anything, especially sex, and knew that Brock wanted to hurt him because of it. But Brock had never actually said it aloud before. And for whatever reason, actually hearing it was unsettling. 

He didn’t sleep well that night and when he woke up the next morning, he found that Brock had seemingly dropped the entire thing. He was bad about that, about ignoring any sort of argument they had, but Jack didn’t really have any other choice but to deal with it. 

Over time, Brock got worse. Just as he always had. After a while his threats stopped being threats and he stopped warning Jack all together. Sometimes Jack could anticipate it but most of the time, it felt entirely random. Brock would smack him in the back of his head, shove him around, punch him, even, if he was in a particularly bad mood. And Jack was at a loss. 

There was a war waged in Jack’s mind, his emotions tumbling between hating Brock and adoring him. Brock was a terrible man; he was violent and volatile and fear had become a familiar friend to Jack in the months that had passed since the choke chain incident. But every few days, he would be gentle and kind and he’d make Jack feel like nothing short of a god. And for those few, fleeting hours, Jack was on cloud nine. 

But the good times never seem to last and eventually he was sick of making up excuses to stay. 

“Come on, Jack, yer gonna leave over that? Over a love tap?” Brock growled as he followed Jack through their home. 

“Does it matter?” Jack grumbled, shoving some of his clothes into an old backpack. “I’m a grown man, I can leave if I want to.” 

This response, however, wasn’t good enough. Brock’s hand was almost instantly around his arm and Jack recoiled, throwing his elbow back and landing a hit across Brock’s mouth, effectively bloodying his lip. 

“Sonuva-” Brock barked, staggering back when Jack landed another hit on his face. Spitting a mixture of blood and spit out onto the dark carpet, Brock wiped a hand across his chin before glaring at Jack, who was frozen. Multiple thoughts raced through his mind in that moment and somehow he was both proud of and angry with himself. But both of those were overshadowed by the terror that crashed through him like a startling rush of electricity when Brock advanced on him. 

The two of them fumbled around for awhile, battering and bruising each other until eventually, Brock got his hands around the back of Jack’s head pulled, bringing his knee up to collide with Jack’s nose. 

A sickening crunch filled the air and the two of them paused as Jack covered his face, panting while he tried to gather himself. Sitting down on their bed, leaving a bloody handprint on their white comforter, Jack tried to sniff but he couldn’t. Blood dripped down his mouth the same way it had months prior when Brock had pulled him off of the couch and all he could do was wonder to himself why he was stupid enough to stay so long. 

“Let’s go.” Brock growled under his breath, taking hold of Jack’s bicep and forcing him to stand like he was a child. Jack shrugged him off, even going so far as to shove him away, before the two of them trudged out to their car. 

The ride to the hospital was silent and when they got there, Jack refused to explain how it happened. It wasn’t that he was trying to protect Brock, he was just so exhausted… He didn’t have the energy to make up excuses or answer any questions. 

Luckily, it only took fifteen minutes for a doctor to be made available for him. Unluckily, Brock followed him back into the room. And as if his broken nose wasn’t punishment enough, Brock continued to berate him. 

“You jus’ dunno when to quit do you?” Brock growled, his arms crossed over his chest. His lip was swollen, the gash that ran through it shining angry and red. Drops of blood stained the collar of his grey shirt and in that moment the two of them stared at each other with equally intense looks of pure hatred. 

“What?” Jack snapped, trying desperately to convince himself that Brock wasn’t worth a trip to prison. 

“You don’t know how to fuckin’ quit, Jack! You always do this! You piss me off, then gimme that pissy little look when I get mad! This shit wouldn’t happen if you didn’t get me so fucking riled up!” Brock barked and all Jack could do was laugh incredulously, disbelief filling him as he stared Brock in the eye. 

“No, this shit wouldn’t happen if you weren’t such a fucking psychopath.” Jack hissed and just like that, Brock was on him again. First, there was a knee to his ribs, then a fist under his jaw, but Jack wasn’t going to lay down and let Brock beat on him anymore. He’d finally decided that everything Brock did to him was complete and utter bullshit. It wasn’t warranted and he wasn’t ungrateful when he got upset about it. And for the love of God, he didn’t fucking deserve it.

So he fought back. He kicked and he growled and he fought with everything he had. Landed a few good hits too. At some point, the doctor must’ve come in to the two of them fighting and called security. They pried Brock off of Jack, his eye swollen shut and his lip re-busted-open. Jack grimaced, wanting nothing more than to pounce on him while he was restrained. But the security guards were too quick to get him out of the room.

The doctor didn’t ask Jack any questions, simply got him cleaned up, reset his nose, and offered him a phone to call someone. Jack accepted the offer with a grateful, albeit quiet, ‘thank you.’ And he sat for an hour contemplating whether or not he should do what he wanted to do. He didn’t really have much of a choice, though, did he?

“Hello?” Answered Steve’s familiar voice over the other line. 

“If I ask you to come pick me up from the hospital will you promise not to ask questions?” Jack asked. He never was good at easing into a conversation. 

“The hospital? What happened? Are you hurt?” Steve immediately started and all Jack could do was sigh and weigh what options he would have if he decided to hang up. 

“Steve, please.” He begged quietly. He wasn’t proud of the pleading tone in his voice but he couldn’t take it back. Couldn’t hide it. Not anymore.

Steve didn’t say anything for a long time. The quiet that fell over them was the kind that was deafening and suffocating at the same time and he wanted nothing more than to scream just to fill the space. But before he could, Steve started talking again. 

“I’ll be there.” He said softly. 

And he was. In twenty minutes, Steve was at the hospital and the second he saw Jack, it looked like his entire world had been crushed. An odd look of knowing crossed his face as he flicked his head and without a second thought, Jack followed.

After another wordless car ride, Jack found himself in a new place. The unfamiliar space of Steve’s apartment left him feeling vulnerable and exposed, like a rabbit in a field of rabid dogs. But Steve’s gentle hand guided him and it sickened him that his mind was already waiting for that softness to be replaced with anger and pain. But nothing happened and Jack scolded himself for thinking something would. 

They sat on the couch with the same silence that had hovered over them on the phone weighing tension on their shoulders and Jack once again felt the urge to make noise so it wouldn’t feel so heavy on his chest. But just as before, Steve came to the rescue to fill the silence before Jack had to. 

“I guess this is how Bucky always felt when he saw me all beat up.” Steve tried to chuckle and Jack couldn’t help the little snort that left him. 

“Guess so.” Jack grunted in response, sighing as he refused to meet Steve’s eye. It was then that an arm slowly wrapped around him and with cautious curiosity, Jack let it happen, willing himself not to flinch. He half expected other advances to be made but nothing ever came, and he liked it that way. 

Steve turned the T.V. on and for a while, Jack zoned out while late night sitcoms flashed on screen with mediocre, cheesy jokes filling the quiet with a comfortable drone. And eventually, as Jack grew too tired to ignore the exhaustion any longer, he rested his head on Steve’s shoulder and found a relieving sense of peace when Steve leaned on him too. 

And for the first time since he’d met Brock fucking Rumlow, he felt safe.

[pretty-volatile]

Monday, January 27, 2020 4:14 am

Bruh, the type of mania I have really suckssss. Like I'm easily agitated. I can't fucking go to bed *side eyes myself while typing this out now*. I get little sleep and then complain the whole day but then at night I can't fuckn get myself to go to bed. I talk. A lot. I'm loud af too. Sometimes when I'm not being busy being agitated or irritable, I'm actually loving, maybe even clingy. I can also have a very sexual phase. My sex drive will go up. My self confidence and perception of myself goes up. My eating disorder gets easily triggered. Like cause I'm manic I don't need to eat for energy, cause I'm already bouncing around without it. Which can make me lose weight. Gain self confidence. Allows eating disorder to influence more. But also almost every night I come down really hard, especially at night. I guess I spiral a lot at night which makes me dissociate and I lose track of time. Like I was moving slow but time was moving fast. I couldn't absorb enough content or look at enough pictures of myself or thoughts literally racing through my head trying to analyze myself and stress myself out and put down myself too. Just overall making myself feel worse but also relieving sometimes? Because I'm like trying to make sense of the big picture? I don't know. I'm also spending quite a bit of money and I was very close to fucking myself over financially, like recent ugh. I'm trying to budget but I'm like fucket. But no really I am trying to work on budgeting. But then I need to work on saving. That's the hardest one. Cause I gotta spend some for some fun stuff, some necessities that normally down have money for, etc. I'm trying to enjoy the positive emotions though too.

But yeah tldr; my mania feels like I'm on top of the world but falling off it simultaneously

[mrfreezebug]

fuckn my biggest irritation is like when I'm in a group of people I know and someone new is there who doesn't really know anyone but one person, and no body's talking to that person, or having conversations amongst themselves without that person.

and im just like??? do you guys like making someone feel like they aren't wanted or included!?

like I get we gotta catch up but we can always do that and there's a person here who is new and it's fuckn rude pls stop making us go down personal drama rabbit holes pls. PLEASE.

and I feel like obligated to steer conversation over to them, like ask them questions about things they like related to what we are talking about and it's fuckn anxiety enducing bc sometimes it feels like no one's even trying to include them.

and idk I wish I didn't have to fucking do that so often because idk it sucks to just see some of these people and like you can FEEL their boredom or levels of slight discomfort. and then I'm feeling it and then I'm trying to change the subject without being rude and before I know it I need a fuckn NAP.

of course there are sometimes times where I've traveled and there's a new people around me and I can't even look my friends in the face bc I'm too tired so then I just sit silently and try to get my energy back up while feeling like a JERK.

[command-er]

  @metalplated said:    bucky takes one last drag of his cigarette before stubbing it out on the chipped dish he keeps on the fire escape. the sound of steve’s key in the lock prompts him to push away from the railing with his hips, exhaling one harsh stream of smoke from between parted lips. the window’s shut so no smoke wafts into the house to irritate steve’s lungs and it takes a well-practiced jimmy to get the damn thing to unstick and slide up. he ducks through and shuts it behind him, pulling the slightly bent envelope from his pocket and unfolding the letter in his hand to brandish at steve.

    “fuckn pyramus ? how many times you gonna throw yourself at this, steve? i thought we talked about this: you can do just as good a job contributing stayin’ here where it’s safe ! you’re gonna get yourself arrested.”so maybe he came out of the gate a little strong, but goddamnit, steve why are you so fuckin’ eager to go and get your head blown off?

              ( christ knows bucky’s terrified of it, if the draft letter shoved deep                        in the pocket of his One good winter coat says anything )

steve’s already cutting bucky off with a groaaaan before he finishes, eyes rolled to the heavens as he moves past him to put his bag down on the counter.

“i hate when you act like you’re surprised, like i’m doin’ anything new here you didn’t already know about- it’s really fuckin’ annoying,”

the blond had collected yet another of those stupid letters from the mailbox on his way in; wasn’t about to share that with his best friend lover nosy roommate.

“you should get arrested for opening mail addressed to me.”

[wanna-one-imagine]

Wanna One Kim Jaehwan College AU

For Anon! My ask box is open again :) Enjoy! (You + Kim Jaehwan)

It was your freshman year at college, and you were attending one relatively far from your family. You were slightly anxious about starting meeting people and professors from scratch, but you were looking forward to making new friends and learning regardless

You arrived on the college campus for orientation completely clueless, but hey that’s okay

When you first moved in, you did that thing where you be friendly to pretty much anyone, to try to find some friends/people to hang out with

Anyway

You were put in a four-year dorm, meaning that freshmen up to seniors were all in the same dorm: this made you somewhat anxious but you thought you’d be fine

The day before classes started, your dorm all met up together to do introductions and awkward icebreakers

It was the first time you were meeting any upperclassmen, but from the beginning one person stood out

This person, whose name you would later find out to be Kim Jaehwan, was undoubtedly the life of the party

He was constantly joking around and screaming “OKAY OKAY” every couple of minutes, but nobody was annoyed by him – in fact, the RAs in charge of the dorm seemed to be completely used to his antics

He even had this really strange sounding scream-laugh that escaped his mouth at times, but all it did was make other people start giggling along with him: he was contagious and you personally thought it was incredibly charming

Needless to say, he was, even if it was unintentional, incredibly well-liked by people older and younger than him

And this popularity made him seem... unapproachable, like he was on a pedestal, at least to you

Where in reality, he was probably... definitely willing to talk with anyone

From that first encounter with the group, you had developed an innocent crush on the guy

He was incredibly funny and likable not to mention really attractive

Anyway you didn’t share many classes with him, since he was 2 years ahead of you in school, a junior

And that was fine, you weren’t looking really to make a relationship out of this, you just thought he was a cute guy lol

But during all the dorm activities, you got so distracted because of him

There would be game nights and group dinners and movie marathons and you (and your friends, to your dismay) frequently caught you wistfully staring at him or laughing a little too hard at his jokes

You thought you were subtle about it, but if someone hung around you at the same time Jaehwan was in the room, it really wasn’t that hard to tell where you mind and heart were lol

Despite all this (and pressure from your friends), you never approached him, because like, how?

Well before the first semester ended, you actually happened to have one interaction with him

You usually didn’t attend any of the dorm parties, because you are extremely physically irritated by loud noises and music, and so far most of the parties had been the “turn up” type, not many of the chiller hangouts, so you pretty much stayed in your room doing quiet things with your friends like games or internet browsing

But at the end of the semester, there was this one winter holidays party that “everyone” attended, as your friends and dorm-mates told you, so you decided why not, to just check it out for a bit

You didn’t think you would be there for too long, so you didn’t dress up too much: you wore red sweatpants and a green shirt to embody the “holiday spirit”

When you got to the party, you realized why people said it was much more extravagant than the other ones

This one seemed to have a much larger budget, and there were beautiful decorations everywhere, with balloons and Christmas trees and pretty holiday lights

And to your pleasant surprise, the music wasn’t super loud or anything, in fact it was just the regular old holiday music lol

Everyone was dressed up way more than you were, but you felt comfortable, much more than you thought you would when you first heard about the idea

Trying new things isn’t so bad, (Y/N), you instructed yourself, content with the experience so far (even though you hadn’t talked to anyone yet lol)

You didn’t know how to dance to Christmas songs, so you headed to kitchen to grab some good food yuss

Surprisingly, the kitchen was completely empty when you entered: the perfect time to steal all foods ! ! ! !

Unable to hold back the evil smile that was starting to cover your face, you stacked snacks on your plate, growing happier and happier as your plate filled up to the edges

You were so glad you had come to the party LOL

Satisfied with your collection, you headed over to the drinks, where there was various bowls of questionable substances

What are these even… there wasn’t a label or anything

As you scratched your neck and bended down to smell the liquids, you didn’t notice another person entering the room

Yes you guessed it

It was the one and only Kim Jaehwan, and you failed to notice his eyes boring into the top of your head, as he stood on the opposite side of the food counter

Multiple things about this first meeting:

1. Jaehwan already knew who you were. lol. and he also knew about your crush. also lol. word spreads pretty quickly through the dorm, and you were unaware of that! congrats !

2. There are two people now in this room: you and him,,, and you have your nose hovering above a bowl of punch or something

GREAT FUCKN JOB (Y/N) TRULY INNOVATIVE

Anyway yes you were smelling the punch because you didn’t want to consume any sketchy alcohol at this party (you hadn’t drank before anyway, and you didn’t want the conditions of your first time to be mystery fluid)

“Is this alcoholic…” you mumbled to yourself, before your eyes flicked up to meet Jaehwan’s, making you gasp and stand up straight in surprise, almost tripping over your own feet, making Jaehwan laugh at your reaction

Nice one, real nice, (Y/N)…

He looked too good for words, his brown hair looking messy but perfect at the same time, in his own pair of sweats and a long t-shirt, with an adorable reindeer antler headband on his head

“I’m pretty sure the red one has alcohol, and the peach one just has some sodas, punch, and ice cream.”

They were the first words he had spoken to you, and you wished you were capable of acting completely normally but you were too much of a spAZ to do that

“Oh, okay, thank you, I-I’ll get the red one then,” you sputtered out

“You want the alcoholic one? Oh, I thought you were under the impression you didn’t, with the way you were sniffing those bowls, haha”

“Oh, no I meant the non alcoholic one, gah” you corrected, mentally kicking yourself for literally saying gah like out loud

“Nah you’re good, these parties are pretty confusing at first, I totally get it. I came for the food too,” Jaehwan said with his gorgeous laugh

“Oh, you did? Come for just the food, you mean?”

“I mean, look at me,” Jaehwan said, pointing to his outfit. “This is my sleep outfit, and I have fully planned to fall into a food coma today.”

You couldn’t stop your blush from rising to your cheeks in reaction to his joke, before you asked without thinking, “you sleep with those antlers on?”

Jaehwan seemed slightly caught off guard for a split second, before he smoothly responded, gasping and clutching his chest

“(Y/N), I am so offended, the antlers aren’t a costume, its a serious physical defect, I can’t believe you don’t have the sense to not talk about that to me,” he cried out

You couldn’t keep up the joke and started giggling, before you realized… did he just say my name? How does he know my name...

But guess what? Your thoughts had unknowingly slipped out of your mind, and he heard you ask him that, out loud, you only realizing you had done that when you looked up to see Jaehwan staring at him, his cheeks turning a shade of red that matched your pants

“Ah, of course I know the name of my fellow dorm-mate, we’ve been living in the same place for the past couple months,” he saved, looking less confident than you had ever seen him

Just then, another freshman from your dorm walked in, and with some confidence you had unknowingly conjured up, you challenged Jaehwan out of nowhere

“Okay, so what’s their name?” you asked, as Jaehwan coughed randomly into the air, claiming that your game was completely unfair to him

“I bet this person isn’t even from our dorm and just snuck in here, please,” he replied with some fake arrogance

“Fine, then do the next person that enters,” you said, enjoying his misery

And the two of you just stood there in the kitchen, leaning on the countertop, staring at everyone who came in, for the next 30 minutes, stuffing food into your mouths

Turns out, Jaehwan barely knew any of the freshmen or sophomores in the dorm, leading to a lot of laughter from the both of you as he made up random names on the spot

After some time of this, when the kitchen emptied out again, you let the question that had been lingering on your subconscious slip out

“So why did you only know my name?” you laughed, before stopping instantly, realizing what you had said

And you were met with… silence

Your nervously looked up at Jaehwan, and saw him staring at his feet, which were bending over on the ground uncomfortably, a drastic change from his usual psycho demeanor

“Uh, well, I sorta heard thatyoulikeme…” he quickly said, the volume of his voice trailing off

And just like that, you could have sworn you heard your heart drop

Oh my gosh, this is so embarrassing, your cheeks pinking for a different reason than they had been the rest of this evening

“Oh,” was all you managed to get out, standing up straight, subconsciously starting to move away from him, your head turning to face a different direction

“Wait, no, (Y/N), I’m not talking to you just because of that,” Jaehwan said, placing a soft hand on your shoulder, holding you back, making you hesitantly look back at him

“I mean,” he said, starting to awkwardly laugh, “a lot of people knew about it, although I didn’t realize how much you enjoyed looking at me until one of my friends told me,”

“Ugh I get it, I’m totally obvious, I have a huge crush on you, big deal,” you replied, disheartened, moving Jaehwan’s hand on your shoulder with one of your own, but he took advantage of the contact and took your hand

“Wait, no, I’m sorry, I don’t think I’m explaining this properly, I heard you liked me and I didn’t know who you were, but I found out soon after that, and I sorta noticed you were really cute and you always laughed at my jokes and seem really nice and I want to get to know you better because I kinda like you too,” he hurriedly confessed

You were totally overwhelmed at the past minute of new information, staring blankly at Jaehwan, as he looked back at you, waiting for a response

“Uh, what?”

Jaehwan smirked at you, making your heartbeat rise; seeing you get all flustered at his words made him incredibly satisfied

“So do you want to get to know each other better?” he asked, poking your nose

You finally let a smile break free onto your face, nodding enthusiastically

“What? I can’t hear you,” Jaehwan teased

“Okey okey!” you exclaimed, making Jaehwan lose his cockiness and pull you into a hug

“OKEY OKEY!” he screamed, and you kicked him in response, your physical reaction being completely different from your rapidly beating heart but who cares hahhahahaha

You two just chatted and ate for the rest of the party, sometimes going out to stare at the people dancing, the both of you proclaiming that you weren’t “dancing people” (Jaehwan demonstrated some of his… questionable dancing moves to demonstrate his point)

Anyway when your friends heard this news, they were all relieved, claiming that they thought it would never happen (GEE THANKS)

(Jaehwan’s friends were equally happy, having been annoyed for the past couple months of him staring at you and asking them if you had laughed at his attempts to be funny)

You two still didn’t share many classes, but met a lot in the dorm, and activities were actually able to be enjoyed by you after this because not all your attention was on him!!! Wowza!

For example,,, movie nights turned from staring at each other from across the room to cuddling under a blanket AHHH

(well that might not be the best example… as his presence next to you was tbh still pretty incredible for a little bit haH)

You two raided parties solely for the food, becoming infamous for creepily staring at people while the both of you munched on snacks

As you loosened up around him and became more comfortable with your dorm group as a whole, you actually found that you had a psycho laugh as well (some people said yours sounded like a hyena mixed with a squeaky door)

Who needs a power couple when you can have a psycho couple

y’all are weirdos but somehow it’s still adorable

Masterlist

Requests are open! Thank y’all for waiting ❤️

[justjen523]

A Child With the Gods

Chapter 10

(Had extra time to write tonight so I actually managed to put out a second chapter. Make sure if you are reading this you have read the other story I released this evening first. Chapter 9)

(Series Rating E 18+)

                                   “You Are the Father”

      Both Leon and Zyglavis looked at Scorpio with expressions of horror.

     “Don’t fuckn’ look at me like I said somethn’ cruel. We all know how this plays out and no matter how fuckn’ much you try you won’t be able to protect her in the end. Her dying would be far kinder than the tragedies awaiting her once those kids are born and you both know I’m right.” 

     “You complain that we do not accept you as one of us yet this is precisely why it is hard for us to do so. The love of a god is benevolent not cruel and without mercy. You above all should understand that better than anyone. Or have you forgotten the cruelty bestowed upon you those many years ago?”

     “Zig, this is exactly why I am sayn’ what I’m sayn’. Blurn’ the lines between gods and men is taboo for a reason. Are either of you really ready to take responsibility when the stars fall out of alignment?” 

     “Yes, I will do whatever it takes to protect her and my child she carries.”

     “For once I agree with the square.” 

     “Tch. Stupid. Both of you. Neither of you are seen’ the bigger picture. What happens when the Heaven’s get wind that the King allowed demigods to exist on Earth huh? Never mind the fact that the balance of Earth would most certainly fall to ruin, when the time comes can you honestly tell me you’ll be able to make that sacrifice? Are you seriously gonna give your life for one stupid goldfish and forever change the fate of the world?”

     “...”

     “Yeah...both of you are kiddn’ yourselves. Like I said before, this ends one way no matter what route you take to get there. She’s gonna die and so is your kid Zig. I know that’s not what you wanna hear but you know I’m telln you the truth. The sooner you face it -”

     “Leave. Now.”

     “What?”

     “I want you out of my sight. NOW. Do not return until I send for you otherwise you will wish you had never met me. Go.” 

     “Fuckn’ seriously? I knew it, you really did fall for that stupid woman. You know what? Fine. You idiots deserve each other. And don’t bother sendn’ for me. This will be the last you ever see me I promise you that. Consider this my resignation.” 

*SNAP*

          “She is going to be just fine. She merely overexerted herself in such a delicate state that is all. Everything will be fine with some quality rest and a stable environment free of drama. That being said both of you had better explain yourselves.” After Scorpio’s grand exit Leon and Zyglavis brought her to Huedhaut. Once reassured that she simply needed sleep the Ministers told Hue everything that happened. Karno quietly joined them and was also informed of the current events. Eventually the topic of the twins other father came up and once Ichthys joined the group the five of them decided it was time to discuss the events to come.

     “It is obvious we all care for and love her and nothing we say or do will ever change that simple truth. That is why I am going to take myself out of the running.”

     “Karno, you can’t just -”

     “I didn’t Father her child.”

     “Wait what? How can you possibly -”

     “It is not possible for me to Father children. It is something no one other than the King knows and I had hoped to keep it that way all of my life. Obviously this particular situation left me without much of a choice.”

     “Karno...”

     “I don’t want anyone’s sympathy or pity, I am fine living with this knowledge. My job here in Wishes allows me to be a Father to billions and for that I actually feel luckier than most.”

     “Wow Karno, what a beautiful way to look at the situation and dealing with what you’ve been given. I wish I.....could be more optimistic like you.”

     “Ichthys? You never speak this way, whatever is the matter?”

     “Don’t look at me like that Zig, you KNOW why. I’m just sayn’ I respect Karno’s courage facing something he never asked for.”

     “Thank you. You’ll find your own way too. We all eventually do. Just stay strong and never give up when you find something you believe in.” 

     “Karno are you leaving?”

     “It’s for the best Leo, this discussion is for the potential Father’s and I am not one. Don’t look at me like that I’m fine. I have always watched over her and I will continue to do so from where I always have. In the Heaven’s. Please, take care of her Leo, she’s gonna need all of you now more than ever.”

     “Karno...”

     “No worries, I’ll of course be back to hold the little one’s once they’re born. But for now, I must return. Take care my friends.”

*SNAP*

     “Dammit. I can’t believe he felt like he couldn’t tell ME. What am I gonna do with him?”

     “Continue being the reliable friend and Minister you have always been.”

     “Hue, you knew that was a rhetorical question.”

     “Uggggh and then there were three. I wish we just knew already. All of this waiting and anticipation has been like super bad for morale.”

     “I can’t believe I’m actually going to say this but I agree with the fish. At this point no matter who fathered the rugrat it’s obvious we are all going to continue to love and take care of her and her brats.”

     “Leon you say that but I KNOW you secretly hope you’re the Father.”

     “Excuse me? Minister Ponytail you better keep your pet on a tighter leash.”

     “I just pray it is not Scorpio’s, for her sake but more so the child’s. Regardless of what lies ahead that child is innocent and deserves the love of both it’s parents. I never expected I would hear such things as I have today. The fault is with me. I failed him and this is the result of that failure.”

     “Nonsense, you gave that pain in the ass more guidance, support and love than I’ve ever seen you dedicate to anyone else, including yourself. You didn’t fail him Zyglavis, he failed you so stop beating yourself up about it.”

     “If it makes any difference I assure you Scorpio is not the Father.”

     “Woah what did you just say Hue? Did you see something?”

     “Yes, I have. I do indeed know which of you is the other Father.”

     “Okay soooooo......? You ARE going to tell us right?”

     “Are you both sure you are ready to hear the truth?”

     “Quit playing around Huedhaut or you may irritate me enough to work you overtime.” 

     “In that case, the other child belongs to you Ichthys. Congratulations.”

[lancesexual]

Ah some-one points out that your baseless vague accusations at random artists aren't actually helpful, and might be harmful and your response is to call them racist. Because obviously you're so smart and perfect only a racist who would never draw a PoC unless they had a gun to their head would disagree with you. You might want go back and review some of the Lance art you've reblogged, Lance is looking pretty pale and fair to me in some of those pics. Or maybe you just have a shit eye for color

OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD GET A LIFE GET OUT OF MY INBOX WHO EVEN ARE YOU. YOU SOUND LIKE A FUCKING BABY. YOU LITERALLY DON’T EVEN KNOW ME LIKE WHO ARE YOU. ALL I FUCKING SAID WAS TO JUST. LOOK AT HIS SKIN TONE AND TRY TO RE-ENACT IT. AND THEN I SAID IT’S OKAY TO GET IT WRONG IF YOU TRIED BECAUSE BELIEVE IT OR NOT ART IS NOT LINEAR. THERE IS A HUGE ASS DIFFERENCE BETWEEN REALLY AND LEGITIMATELY TRYING, AND JUST NOT CARING AND THROWING A FIT WHEN YOU GET CALLED OUT

IF YOU #WERK FOR IT THEN GOOD FOR YOU. YOU CAN SEND ME A BILLION GOD DAMN ANONS ABOUT HOW HARD U TRY AND HOW IM ALWAYS SAYIN SHIT (WHICH? WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET THAT, I’VE NEVER ONCE IN MY FUCKING LIFE REBLOGGED ANY ART WITH CRITICISM, I’VE NEVER ONCE IN MY FUCKING LIFE EVEN VAGUED ABOUT A SPECIFIC ART PIECE BECAUSE I KNOW THAT SHIT HURTS FEELINGS, AND I KNOW THIS MIGHT BE A FOREIGN CONCEPT TO SOMEONE WHO CAN COME INTO MY INBOX CLAIMING TO FUCKING KNOW ME, BUT BEING NEEDLESSLY SHITTY IS ACTUALLY LIKE A TERRIBLE THING TO BE. YOU’RE A TERRIBLE FUCKING PERSON YOU’RE IRRITATING, YOU’RE ENTITLED, YOU’RE FUCKING RUDE). 

LIKE “BASELESS VAGUE ACCUSATIONS” BITCH WHERE. BITCH FUCKING WHERE? YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT BASELESS VAGUE ACCUSATIONS, LET’S BRING OUT A QUOTE FROM ONE OF THE STUPID ASS ANONS YOU SENT ME. 

“Someone like you looks at it and thinks they should have made the character 2 or even just 1 shade darker and starts making snitty/passive aggressive comments either in their ask box or reblogging with tags/comments.”

 DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME? DO YOU EVEN GO TO THIS GOD DAMN SCHOOL? WE TALK ABOUT BASELESS VAGUE FUCKN ACCUSATIONS HERE THE FUCK THEY ARE. 

I’m gonna switch off caps because I’m anxiety as fuck right now, im angry, im so tired of y’all cowardly motherfuckers coming to me on anon like a little bitch and spewing this dumb fucking garbage at me (and i hope you can see the little text from all the way up there on your high horse). If you disagree with me, block me, unfollow me, or talk to me civilly like a normal fucking human, and maybe if you took two seconds to get to know me, or to try and convince me without being such a little dick about it, this discussion would’ve gone somwhere that didn’t have me screaming like a fool on my blog at a faceless piece of shit with no manners. 

I don’t give any kind of fuck who you are dude, I don’t care what you do, go draw Lance with porcelain fucking skin if that’s what gets you going dude I literally don’t care. The only thing I’d ever do is just not reblog it. like that’s it. Go have a fucking party, pick the peachiest colour you can find and slather him up with it. Make him glisten like a droopy slab of mayonnaise. 

But u sure fuckn got me!!! “Aha! This person doesn’t want to deal with my dumb bitch ass on anon acting like an idiot and accusing them of shit I have no proof of, so obviously I’ve won!! The SJWs will think twice before messing with me!!” 

TLDR: YOU’RE A FUCKING IDIOT. YOU MADE SOME DUMB SHIT UP FOR AN ARGUMENT THAT DIDN’T EVEN NEED TO HAPPEN, ACTED LIKE A SPOILED LITTLE TWO YEAR OLD, AND YOU PROBABLY VOTED FOR TRUMP. EAT MY ASS

PS: im sorry hi why did you hyphenate the word “someone” like. it’s fine. it’s one whole word. you don’t have to be afraid. 

[wilsonsdead]

Fourth fuckn show in a row that I've not been able to watch live I'm irritated @ my friends for only planning things on show days but nothing while it was on break

[jacktempletonknight-blog]

Matt is a Small Business Owner

Matt is a big man. You’ll see his poorly goateed grin pasted half-heartedly outside the small supermarket running off Princess Avenue in Nedlands. As well as being poorly, he’s also portly. He’ll often be seen indiscriminately tucking his sizeable dome behind and underneath the cashier to his local and definitely profitable supermarket. If there is one thing that Matt has perfected it is the authentic local business owner look. Adorned with faded jeans, picked up exquisitely from Target (pronounced Targé), Matt will often go home and go to sleep in these practical and pungent jeans. By the end of the day’s hard work, these jeans will stick to Matt’s legs like glad wrap sticking to leg sized perfetta rolls, and he’ll make one lazy attempt to squeeze them off before collapsing indulgently on his bed. He basks daily behind his chicken-fat smeared counter, exuding an air of staleness and self-importance. Comments fly from his horsey mouth like pellets of shrapnel. Barbing jibes will often strike a customers face, causing them to wince, as if sand has just been thrown in their eyes. “Nother’ bloody boatful trying to get to these fine shores again, when will they bloody learn eh?” Matt’s addressing the paper and nobody in particular. Matt, being a Greek immigrant himself, has a favourite and much indulged pastime of throwing popular Newscorp invective in irritated customers faces. Sickly rancid sweat and misinformed political knowledge pore out of his pores at such a rate, that at the end of the day he’s selling more snorkels than fruit and veg. The regal and reverent store owner. The washed up nobody who made it big. The man who had nothing and turned it into something. Matt found his cliché in life, and he wears it more proudly than his self-made nametag, which glistens with the words, “Matt- Owner.” Surrounding his doomed belly behind the cashier, is a giant tin of Chuppa-Chup lollypops, with all the cola flavour’s taken out and consumed, and a rack of cigarettes, reserved mainly for his faithful group of 15 year old regulars who audaciously and nonchalantly come in with their school uniform on. Profit earned is profit justified, Matt’ll say in response to his wife’s logical misgivings on the sale of tobacco to kids.

Matt has gorged enough advertisements in his life to know the true value of things. He also knows that bargains are bad business. He has fourteen signs around his store warning shoplifters and 12 signs warning of security cameras, which aren’t actually present. When Matt suffers through another profitless quarter he’ll blame his only other staff member, 14 year-old family-friend, Sally, and deduct 25% off of her meager $8.45/hour. Sidesaddle to Matt’s cashier pedestal, is the giant human sized furtive brow that is Matt’s wife. You’ll often find her tucked away in some hidden aisle, like the off jar of pickles stuffed at the bottom left-hand side of aisle three. There, she’ll be shiftily putting stock away on the shelf, whilst pocketing loose dregs of sleeping pills, to help her doze off over the top of Matt’s barking breath.

One day, when spouting wisdom university students pay for, he realized that he had spent a life shucking priceless jewels of economic information to a herd of consumer sheep for no price except time. So now, in the evenings, when Matt has returned from a 13-hour shift worth $112, he’ll sit, cask wine by his side and write his pre-eminent manifesto, in fits of inspiration. He’ll sit there huddled over his keyboard, tap-tapping away as his index fingers tremble with pre-excitement of his assured fame within the economic community. After hours of erratic writing, he’ll pour and recline and sit smug in the certainty that his seminal text on the role he has played in the success of neoliberal economics, will change the small business community forever. In his text he has chapters dedicated to his heroes, Thatcher and Reagan, as well as a lengthy 145-page chapter dedicated to his life’s work.

In the mornings, Matt’ll finish his personal literary jerk-off, and catch 2 hours of erect sleep before sliding off to open the shop at 5am. Every morning as dawn pierces the sky and slashes the clouds open, Matt opens the unlocked front door and glances round his shop. “Fair dinkum” he’ll say to himself with curling satisfied lips and a professional nod. “Fair bloody dinkum Matt.” Unironically, he’ll say it again, as if once wasn’t enough to sate the amount of absolute pride he feels in himself.

6am and the doors are open. Matt’s potent odour lingers on the checkout bench. Kate, his wife, is somewhere round the back, rat-like, sniffing dust off the top of a 2-month expired can of Roma tomatoes. An indiscriminate customer fatefully walks through the open door. They bring with them the loneliness of a Tuesday 1pm visit and a stench of the dole. Matt, being the profit driven neoliberal expert that he is, demands to see some proof of monetary means. The customer, obviously taken aback, fails to brandish his means of purchasing power quick enough and is duly escorted out of the shop, with Matt’s self righteous doughy fingers prodding his back to hurry his poor pong out of the door.

A cockroach scurries through the open door just as the health inspector dials the number to Matt’s store. “Fuckn’ filthy bastard, come er’ you” Matt stomps around after the roach, like he’s putting on the worst culturally appropriated African tribal dance ever performed. The phone rings. “Kate! Get that will ya?!” “Kate! Kaaa-te!” “Ah ya fuckn’ yoosless woman.” “Gooday, this is Matt here, owner. Proceed.” “Hi Matt, it’s Reg here, the health inspector. I’m just ringing to remind you that I’ll be dropping in this afternoon as part of our annual checkup. You all good to go?” “You bet Reg.” Matts’ voice quavers as he sees the cockroach slip indulgently into a bath of month-old deli coleslaw. “What time will you be round Reg?” “About 3 I’d say.” Matt looks at his watch. 1:15. “Fuck” “What was that?” “Oh nothing Reg, I’ll see you at 3.” Matt hangs up the phone, looks around the store and surveys the battlefield. Matt crunches his teeth together, tenses his buttocks and screams an almighty, “Kaaaaaaatteeeee” “Get er’ right bloody now!” “Where are ya? Right there you are. So. We have Reg coming in at 3, you know, Reg. REG! Yes the health inspector. Yes, I know we already have 2 strikes, yes I know this place will be the death of you. But. But just listen to me here. I have a plan. Oh boy, does old Matt have a plan. Kate. Kate! Does your sister in law still have that high-pressure hose? Right. Oh, you bloody beaut. Right go get it. Now. Now!”

Matt looks around. I’m gonna’ high-pressure hose the absolute shit out of this place. Matt scuttles to the back room office, pulls out the closed sign and sticks it roughly on the mouldy front door. Time for action. Matt is so impressed with his problem solving skills that he scribbles a quick reminder on his foresty forearm to start a new chapter on the necessity for good problem solving skills in a neoliberal environment, using himself as a case study. Kate returns, and bustles through the door, with the high pressure hose and her mascara dripping down her face like giant tears etched onto her cheek with permanent markers. Matt snatches the hose off of her. “This is a mans job!” Kate creeps back into the shadows. Matt plugs in the electric generator, hooks up the hose to the tap and tests the power of the beast on his small businessman boots. The 2-week-old crusted dog shit comes off immediately. Matt grins disgustingly, as if he’s just had a stroke. Kate re-appears from the shadows, “um, Matthewww, will not the h-h-health inspecttttor s-s-s-suspect something when he seeeees all the w-w-water?” Matt snorts. Obviously only a man could figure this out. His master plan. A plan for masters. “ya see, Kate, you bloody moron, ya see here. Kate. Kate! Look on over here. Ya see that giant stack of 10litre water bottles. What I want you ta do is take em’ out the back, punch holes in em’, an’ empty the lot of em’ out. Quick smart, woman. Atta’ girl. Then when ya dun all of that, stack em’ right back where ya found em’. Makin’ sure you can see the oles’ nice and good.” “I don’t get it.” “course ya don’t, I wouldn’t expect ya’ to. Just do as I bloody say. And when our dear old friend Reg comes in just play ya part well an’ shove off.”

Matt begins. He fires up the hose and starts with the counter. He blasts and sprays and peels back decades of hardened mould and sweat. Rinds of gunk rip off the countertop like sheets off skin after toasting in the sun. He moves into the aisles and manically waves the hose around like he’s performing an elaborate vanishing magic trick. The green residue boldly clings on but Matt sprays with more venom. Pools of pulpy dirt gather and sit in the natural declines of the store and Matt turns over to the building pond of putrid purée and blasts it towards the open back door. In his mind, Matt is hooked on suppressed anger. The fiery cannon of the destructive force of water and the satisfying feel as clumps of filth flit in the air like snowflakes give Matt shivers of pleasure. He closes his eyes and imagines he’s in a video game. In his hands is an AK47, the ones you use on Call of Duty. He’s walking around an old Western saloon, mowing down everything and everyone he’s ever known, and therefore hated. Moving between thrown over chairs and tables he reloads his gun and cocks it in absolute pleasure. He looks over and sees his miserable parents- two succinct bullets in their crusty lamentable foreheads. Bang, Bang. Won’t be seeing you anytime soon. Brittle flecks of years old pastry cascade over Matt’s face as he imagines the blood and guts of his parents flying and splatting on his manic grin, turning it into a Joker mask. He turns over to the bar. The surly bitch is sitting there, innocuously sipping a can of roma tomatoes. Matt feeds her full of lead, and mushy red goo spews out of her side like the contents of her vegetable drink. Matt laughs hysterically like a cartoon villain, but there’s nothing fictitious about his anger. Purging every living soul he knows, he goes to the back and looks out across the room. Bang Bang Bang, The group of bullies in school. Bang Bang, His first landlord. Bang Bang, He closes his eyes, shutting them tightly, sprays wildly. And then he opens, and sees Reg, he’s behind the bar-the barman. He points the gun in his direction. Then the gun disappears and Matt wakes up. The hose has been switched off and Matt stands panting in aisle three. Kate is by the tap. “Enough!” Matt barely hears her. He just looks out at the repercussions of his superb plan and takes a bow. The store is soaked but devoid of blight. Matt tells Kate to bring in the water bottles just as Reg pulls up.

“Reg! Reg! Thank fuck ya here mate. I canna believe I’ma sayin’ this but we just got robbed. Yeah! Robbed! At gunpoint. At bloody gunpoint! Can ya even believe it? What has this bloody country come ta? Christ mate. Neva ave’ I seen it with me own eyes beefore. I was over ere’ by the checkout and some big ol’ burly fella come rushin’ in with a great big gun in his hands. I’ma lookin’ at im’ and he’s tellin’ me to empty out the till. And ya know what I’m like don’ya Reg. I tell im’ to get stuffed. And so what does this fella’ do? Empties a great big pile a’ lead into those water bottles over there by the door, causin’ this fuckn’ great big mess, right on the day of your visit ere’. I tell ya Reg, if it wasn for this pile o’ warta ova the store, you’d be already tickin’ your list and be getting’ on ya way.”

Reg is tired. As a man who works as a health inspector, he can be lumped in alongside the taxman- doing a job that people despise, despite his work being to their benefit. He’s known Matt for seven years now. Each year and each inspection has brought new filth and new lies. Reg knows nobody really shops here except for Alzheimer elderlies and people new to the neighbourhood, so each year Reg has turned a bored blind eye to the sewerage supermarket and the swamp rat that owns it. Except this year, Reg vowed to come in and close this place for good. To once and for all purge the dump of its garbage and its hoarder. What spurred Reg to take this action was Kate, Matt’s wife. Reg hadn’t caught a glimpse of Kate till last year when he came in to do his annual inspection. In the seven years since he’s been coming to the store it was the first time he’d seen Matt’s wife, over in the shadows, lingering like a thick piece of dust. That day last year, before departing the store, after Reg had given Matt his second warning, Kate had rushed up to Reg and thrust a piece of paper in his hand. Uncrumpling the paper wet with sweat, it had said one thing; “help.” After that day Reg decided that closing this place down was more than doing the right thing for the public, it was now a matter of saving a poor wife’s sanity. So no, Reg didn’t buy Matt’s sorry story for a second. But he also couldn’t give Matt his third and final warning for some spilt water, however drenched the store was.

As Matt told his story, Reg looked over at Kate and gave her a ‘don’t worry’ look. She responded by looking unsure. “Did you catch any of the robbery on cctv?” Reg says, turning to address Matt. “Mate I bloody wish I coulda’ but see I don’t ave’ enough money ta buy a bloody camera, coz the taxman keeps stealin’ it all from me.” Reg rolls his eyes. “I see. Well guess I’d better take a look around. In the meantime can you take some measures to getting this floor nice and dry?” As soon as Reg said it he regretted doing so. “Kaaattteee? Kaaaaaattteee!? Christ where are ya? Ah. There ya are. Get this floor dry as my granny’s fanny, for Mister Reg over here. Quick smart. Atta’ gurl.” Matt looks smugly at Reg, “what else are woman good fa’ if not fa cleanin’ eh Reg?” Reg suppresses some vomit and moves quickly to the first aisle.

Down and through all six aisles, Reg still hasn’t found what he’s looking for. Dragging his feet through the sodden grey tiles he enters into the deli. It’s his last chance to find something to sink the inflated belly of Matt. He searches under the countertop, inspects the blade of the meat slicer, tests the quality of the homemade quiche and finally decides that this might not be his year. That is, until his ballpoint pen descends on the salad section. Scanning through the assortment of quinoa grains and fruity assortments, Reg’s eyes rest on a bowl that reflects back up at him from the glistening coleslaw sauce. As Reg’s eyes rest, so does his foreboding anxiety as a fat juicy mocha brown roach rolls and frolics in the hardened sugar slaw. Reg sighs, looks up at Matt and doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t need to.

Matt is back in video game mode. Except this time he has no gun. He’s unarmed and vulnerable. Reg is behind the bar now and advancing on him. He holds a James Bond style ballpoint pen, armed viciously with a spy device that could incapacitate him. Matt looks around the saloon and grabs at anything he can in self-defense. He starts throwing things wildly at Reg; old trophies, cowboy hats, holsters, shoes, bottles, cutlery. It’s blind panic. Back in the store Matt is going wild. His head is jerking around side to side like a tassel on a walking pair of shoes. He’s picking up items now and throwing them at Reg. Cans of beans fly past him, as do cans of olives and pickles. A raining shopping list of items descend on Reg but all miss his body. Reg has called the police. He’s also signaled for Kate to get out. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. Matt knows this is the end. He’s been trapped in his own base. He’s in the corner of the saloon now, just by the ladder to the upstairs attic. As the sheriff enters the saloon, Matt knows there’s only one way out of this mess- up and through the attic and onto the roof. Matt begins to climb. The ladder wobbles. It’s hard to grip. His hands feel like a melting block of ice as his skin excretes more and more sweat. His feet slip and his body contorts as he falls back and down and his body slams hard into the cold floor. He opens his eyes to see the ladder following his lead and flattening his body.

Reg cannot believe what he’s just seen. He stood aghast and witness to the big bulldozing owner getting flattened by the shelf of aisle one. All present hadn’t moved for 30 seconds. Eyes darted around confusingly and blankly. Limbs tensed and forgot how to work. That is, all except Kate, who emerged from the shadows of the dust, to go behind the counter, take her car keys of the hook, and walk out of the front door, never to return.

[n3onstars-blog]

Oooh uh uh 27 thruuuuu....37.?????

ASKS

27) what are two things that irritate you about the same sex? Well my cousins sister was talking about how her baby daughter is going to be helping her out cleaning when she grows and her (I think 10) year old son isn’t going to do anything bc it’s a woman’s role and job to clean and how she told my cousin that she should clean and help out the house even though she’s never really home because of school and work but god forbid her husbands fuckn picks up after himself (whooo went off a little venting there)

28) what are two things that irritate you about the opposite sex? Umm well honestly it can go with the same annoyance with the same sex bc I think it depends on the person but I guess how the same sex thinks it’s ok for the opposite sex to get away with harassment because they’re a girl or whatever . Just like if anyone says no it’s NO

29) what is the best thing that happened to you this week? I went to bed early because my cousin helped me sleep, that was the best thing bc I have insomnia and other one was when I helped my cousin cook food bc I love cooking with peeps and the food was 👌

30) what makes you sad when you think about it? UHHH,, I’m already thinking too many things that makes me sad but I guess a big one is my friends not liking me anymore bc I let little things get out of hand too fast OR trying to figure out how dying works exactly bc there’s so many things about it, I know I shouldn’t think about it but it legit scares me how one day I’ll no longer exist,,,

31) how long was your longest relationship? Almost 5 years,,,

32) Have you ever been in love? Yes, I think I was at a point

33) are you currently in love? I don’t think so sadly ,,,

34) why did you last relationship end? ,,,,I rather not talk about it but we became too toxic I try to make everything a blur to ease myself,,

35) what jewelry are you wearing right now, and where did you get it? I’m wearing my planet choker my friend mason gave it to me

36) when was the last time you cried and why? I’m lowkey crying rn,, bc I’m overthinking ,,,,haaa…sorry I cry very easily honestly

[pretty-volatile]

Monday, June 24, 2019 2:43 am

Okay so the past 2 days I've noticed that during the day my stomach would either hurt/feel super uncomfy like I have puke or have to use the restroom or I just like have no appetite or I try to eat something but I can't finish it. Then towards the end of the night I finally feel hungry and also because I have to eat food in order to take my meds. But even tonight it was a struggle to eat and so was last night. I know some of it could be my eating disorder. Some of it could be BPD and only having an appetite during certain moods. Because last night when I caved in and smoked, I finally felt good enough to eat. I don't know. It's just concerning because I know I've struggled with eating and appetite and stuff, but for a while I was doing much better. So this really fuckn sucks. I hope it's not the meds.

I also noticed that when I wake up I have a really good amount of energy and I can get shit done, but by the end of the night I'm grumpy and tired and I can easily get The Rage out of nowhere. Very irritable. Then I'll start getting a headache towards the time that I need to take the medicine again. I think I'm okay now that I took it, but that's still weird that that's happened twice so far. Again, hope this doesn't continue.

3:04 am

I see my therapist again today and I'm very relieved about that. So I can tell her everything that's been going on and so we can start DBT stuffs