#I’m dirty

[sirenitasucia]

Fck I love feeling my cüm drip down my äss 🥴

[afleur-de-peau]

What’s the trauma where you feel like you can’t have nice things because you’ll break or damage them and then you wait 7 years before buying a new winter coat literally just finding winter coats somehow along the way and then you buy one and the first day you wear it you drop greasy chinatown skewers on it cuz u we’re trying new things and wanted to do something fun and then you take it to the nettoyeur and they say it might not get rid of the stains and also it’s 50$

[goldensunset]

did you know? if you do your laundry you can get your clothes back

[pangur-and-grim]

this is how I walk around my house

[twinkodium]

One clumsy cat 🥹🥹

[kittykatninja321]

Defending Damian’s worst antics purely on the basis of “if you’re an experienced vigilante/combatant and you get murked by a child that’s a skill issue on your part”

[zutarawasrobbed]

I’m sorry, but the Netflix showrunner referring to Kataang as an “issue to tackle” in the future is some of the funniest shit I’ve ever read/heard.

[visionsofcarnality]

can we get headcanons for gilf!Joel maybe? his slicked back hair in tlou ep3 stirred something in me 🥵🥵🥵

i like the way you think…

Silver Fox ! Joel Miller Headcanons NSFW!!

Traditional old man in every sense of the word, he doesn’t make cheesy comments when you grab a door handle but he does give you a scolding little glare that totally doesn’t light a fire in your panties.

Self conscious about his somewhat saggy skin around his chest, middle, and extremities even after you’ve assured him until you’re blue in the face. You do help him though. Watching how attracted you are to his body even aged as it is definitely strokes his ego.

Has an online refillable prescription for Viagra that gets delivered to his apartment, and when he takes it he becomes an absolute fiend.

Usually without the Viagra he still is able to throughly satisfy you with ages of foreplay and a nice thorough fucking, leaving you both satisfied after one climactic round.

But when he takes Viagra-

You better clear your schedule and invest in a massage gun for your legs afterwards because you are going to be SORE.

I’m talking several positions, screaming until your throat hurts, your pussy feeling raw and used, daylong marathon sex.

Joel doesn’t seem to soften even a fraction until your body is wailing in protest and you can’t feel your thighs anymore.

You don’t think he could possibly have any more left in him until he’s once again emptying his heavy, full balls into your cunt; adding to the previous loads from the past six rounds he’s already shot into your body.

When he’s not fucking you stupid with the assistance of his little blue pills, he’s treating you like the princess you’d expect he would.

Don’t even think about carrying your own groceries, what are you, crazy?

Speaking of groceries…

If you aren’t living together yet best believe he’s on your doorstep every Sunday at 11AM with a truck full of groceries, dropping them off after church let’s out and he’s free to go to the store.

He makes you sit and continue sipping your coffee/tea while he puts them away, simultaneously checking the sell-by dates of everything in your fridge and pantry like a man obsessed.

Like a true old fashioned southern boy, he won’t tell you he’s in love with you. But he will point out the amount of things expired in your house.

“Come on, now. You’re gonna get sick, this is ridiculous-“ As if he hasn’t brought you your favorite brand of cereal and all your preferred snacks. Even all those “Shitty, organic, cardboard crap” things you love.

Never had a good plate of grits? He’s making them meticulously for you the morning after a hookup. “Eat, you need it. That stuff’ll keep you goin’ all day.”

Is all too supportive of your flimsy little sundresses. The gauzy fabric floating around your legs like a visualization of your perfume, nearly beckoning him closer. Even when you’re looking like a good little church girl in your soft, flowy dresses… all he can think about is how easy it would be to bend you over and have his way with you.

Which he does the second he brings you home from his cousin’s cookout in the suburbs.

Did I mention that he got a vasectomy after his divorce? Still, seeing you with his now adult daughter makes him daydream about getting you pregnant.

Which he finds insane… He doesn’t want any more kids, he physically can’t have any more kids… But the only thing he can think about right now is burying his cum in your pussy and keeping you pampered in his house with your belly full of his babies.

That vasectomy won’t stop him from trying his damndest, though. Especially after Sarah (who he had young) has her first baby and he watches you hold the six month old infant for the first time.

This man is a GENTLEMAN in the most old fashioned sense of the word.

Like, I cannot stress that enough.

If you’re an independent person, prepare to be thoroughly pampered.

His old fashioned chivalrous ways may be frustrating sometimes but it really does come from a place of just wanting to show his love.

Like when he insists on driving you everywhere whenever you go places together, or when he always finds a way to move you to the side of his body furthest away from the sidewalk when you walk, or when he automatically picks up your purse when you meet so that he can carry it for you.

But you forget all about those minor annoyances when he bends you over your kitchen table and pounds you into next week, muttering nonsense about how you’re too young for him or how you’re such a dirty girl for wanting him and his old man cock.

You moan his name when he grips both your hips in a tight but loving hold, all too willing to forgive him for his incessant door opening when you’re all dumbed down on his cock, the cock which is now way too hard and blood filled because he definitely popped one of your favorite blue pills a while ago.

But much like the gentleman he is, after he fucks you into a blissed-out stupor, he carries you to the bed and wipes your spent pussy clean, cuddling you into the mattress and running his hands through your hair while you both come down from your highs.

When he does get insecure about the age difference between you, all you can do is kiss his leathery, stubbled cheek and wrap your arms around him… Convincing him with your actions instead of words that his age is only a factor in your attraction to him… And that you love him for what makes him him.

this post got way too long but NONNIE I HOPE I DID YOU JUSTICE!!

[phoe-ix]

Generation Loss: Season 2: yaoi loss or smth like that.

[cthaehart]

Does your mother know

[humming-fly]

I feel like growing up with someone with some sort of severe autoimmune disorder shadow of all people would be good about wearing masks

(given the sonic movies take place on modern-day earth with all the trappings that entails I kinda wanted to see if you could put a mask on one of these guys and ngl much easier than I expected lol)

also consider: matching

[babypuphole]

well, i classify the customers as the people. they're the one's paying mommy after all. so your third customer is the proud owner of three stocky cross-mixes that have never spent a day in a doggy training (unlike you, the video i took of that day is doing so well on all the icky porn sites rn)

you're sore and achy from the first two customers and now your poor holes are going to be subjected to three sturdy dogs all at once. the first is going to slobber all over your dripping cunt for all of two seconds before he fucks deep inside of you. he fucks harder and rougher and his cock is much girthier than the ones before him, you'll be delirious with pleasure in no time.

one of the puppies is the gentler of the trio but that doesn't mean he doesn't want his fill too. he comes around and lays on his side, red rocket exposed, hard and waiting. you get scratched up a bit by the first dog as you inch closer and bend down, licking at the second pup's throbbing cock. the dog behind you growls a warning, but lets you take the second dog into that cute little mouth of yours so you can pleasure the gentle one.

you love the taste. mommy's pretty sure you'd live off doggy cum if you could. so suck it all down like an obedient little bitch while your boycunt gets thoroughly bred. i bet you'd be moaning around it with your eyes rolling back in pleasure.

the pair finish at around the same time, and the gentle dog licks at your face when he stands, cleaning up the mess of cum that you didn't manage to swallow. you stay knotted to the first dog for a while before he grows tired and tears himself free. you're only free for a moment before the third dog is upon you. the biggest of the three and the scariest.

he smells the bitch on you and mounts you in seconds but--oh no! it looks like it's gone in the wrong hole! you're so covered in slick that it doesn't take much for him to push in, and even if you wanted to, there'd be no fighting him pff.

but it's okay. mommy programmed a little trigger for when that happens so every time he bottoms out inside of you it feels like a mini orgasm. it also makes a big, stupid, ahegao grin stretch your face. you're such a disgusting little anal whore and you love it, don't you, puppy? <3

he nips your neck to claim you once he pumps you full, growling if you dare try and pull away. the stretch in your ass is so humiliating, even through all the hypnosis mommy's put you through but if anything that would just make you wetter. i bet you'd push between your legs and rub your lil cunnie to the shame of it. what a dirty kiddo.

finally, the owner is one of the rare few who sits in and strokes his cock at you debasing yourself. he pays very well and even know you don't like human cock nearly as much as dog cock, mommy's gonna let him use you too.

i know you'll be a good baby boy and take it for mommy, hm? you're such a good puppy for me, and it feels so good to present your holes and obey.

three at once is so tiring but so nice!! feeling doggy cøck in all of my holes, filling me up like the perfect breeding puppy i am!! 🥰 thank you mommy!

of course i’ll take it!! it’s my job, right? and it feels so good to obey mommy and obey the customers, just like i was always meant to!! he can use all my holes if he wants to!! ☺️💕✨

[bugeyedfreaks]

POV youre jjust a little hater

And?

[silvantransthranduiltrash]

Book!Thranduil really was like:

Thranduil: *catches dwarves, a race his people isn’t that friendly with, trespassing on their land during a celebration* why are y’all infiltrating our territory?

Dwarves: fuck you

Thranduil: alright, imma put you in the time-out corner until you’re ready to talk.

Several days and 1 dragon later

Dwarves: even thought we screwed the humans over, got many of them killed, destroyed their homes, and could have potentially destroyed even more because we awoke a dragon and proceeded to not lift a finger to fight it, we will not share a dime of our treasure with you!

Humans: fuck you give us some money! At this point, we should just kill you and take it all ourselves for all the grief you’ve caused us!

Thranduil: jesus fucking christ-

Thranduil: NO ONE’S KILLING ANYONE FOR MONEY

Thranduil: Let’s calm down, children. We can talk this out like grown adults.

Bilbo: *tries to manage a truce between both sides*

Thranduil: you’re the only one i respect

Gandalf: well-

Thranduil: shut up.

[boredrxm]

You know when I said "the suits will eventually grow on me"?

Well…

[freshbeeth]

FUCK IT. PEARL