#I’m desperate for connection but afraid of what it means

[beholdthesword]

Personal post alert -

Last week I talked to an old friend on the phone and ended up telling her probably more about my sexuality than I had ever really told anyone else which wasn’t a lot because I don’t really talk about it and I think it cracked open the well of loneliness inside of me that I pretend doesn’t exist

A few days later I spent the morning reading tlt fanfic and jerking off, a combination that sometimes has the opposite of the desired effect and instead of enjoying myself I felt like I was just sinking further into feelings I didn’t want to have

i was doing better! i had plans! I was going to go outside and be with my friends in the afternoon but it didn’t matter all that mattered was that I was reading fic that hurts me to read and I couldn’t stop I wanted to know that broken people could find each other and survive but it hurt because it wasn’t true, it wasn’t real, it’s just fic. It’s one thing to read it but it’s another to believe it and i just couldn’t believe that id ever crawl out of this hole where I’m so alone and no one will ever care

In honor of pride month I decided to read a bunch of queer stories as a vehicle to get me out of my book slump. i started with stone butch blues. i was surprised how quickly it pulled me in. I’m almost at the end and in the midst of the pain and confusion there’s a beautiful moment of love. “I can’t believe I finally found you.” i had to put the book down.

I just saw a post with a quote from Nona the ninth and I want to reread it because I remember how I cried. it hurt to read and I still don’t know why but I feel like that again now

there’s so much love and I try (oh my god do I try) to put love out into the world, to do things for my friends for no other reason than I love them and think it will make them happy and I KNOW I get it back but I can’t FEEL it I can’t believe it and I can’t make myself believe that I’m worthy of anything more than I get because this is all I’m left with -

I wanted this to all go away. I started some meds, was feeling better. Waking up isn’t so hard anymore. I can do tasks a little easier. But I just had to stop in the middle of making this post because I was crying so hard I gave myself a panic attack and couldn’t keep it in

Happy pride month to me I guess. I’m not really out - (not that I even know what that looks like when half the time I just pretend I know what’s going on with me (do I want love do I want sex do I just think I want sex do I actually want love? could I even find love? I know I don’t feel the same as everyone else - but what if I do? What if I just don’t recognize it what if I’m just too disconnected from myself to realize it - then what? how do I possibly begin to unpack repressing myself for my whole life, how could I expect anyone to deal with that but how scab I do it alone) as if I’m not constantly beating back fear (that it too late for me to even try, I’m too far removed from sex and intimacy, my inexperience will be a dealbreaker, how could anyone ever want to wait for me to try, I’m fifteen years behind everyone else, what if I’m disappointed, disappointing? how could I ever crawl back to this version of existence after that? how can I live with it now?) - I’m not really proud (the labels just feel like another box I don’t really fit into)

I spend all my time searching for ways to be, as if I can read enough to finally figure out how to exist in this realm of reality where things make sense to me, where I can understand how people form relationships and how they keep them how they navigate the minefield together. as if I can observe enough people so that I can understand how people are supposed to work how I’m supposed to be

I don’t know if I know what love feels like. I don’t know that I could recognize it if I do. I know it must be there but I can’t feel it and it drives me crazy. I cry myself to sleep at night for want of love and I don’t even know how I would recognize it. I surely wouldn’t believe that it’s for me. how could it be when I’ve been alone this whole time? i take care of everyone I know the best way I know how and I don’t know what it’s like to feel cared for and I’m afraid I never will

If I ask for it (help, care, love) how do I know it’s real

sometimes I wish I didn’t have to feel anything at all

[hoshifighting]

"helloooo lyla!! ive been reading your fics for a long time and I love them sooo much your such a great writer!

I was wondering if I could request jeonghan saying “marry me” in the middle of a rough sex?? ive been thinking about it for ages omg😭😭 (if your comfortable I’m not forcing!! <3)”

jeonghan saying “marry me” in the middle of a rough sex

warnings: smut, penetrative sex, cockriding, crying, needy moans

it wasn’t like you ever imagined that jeonghan, of all people, would let that slip. not when he’s got you riding him like you’re racing to some invisible finish line, his hands gripping your hips so tight it’s like he’s afraid you’ll disappear. you barely register the words at first, too caught up in the rhythm, in the filthy sounds coming out of both of your mouths, but then it hits you—

“marry me,” he breathes out, like a fucking confession, strangled and wrecked.

you freeze, body tensing. “wait, what?”

the room goes dead silent. the only sound left is your labored breathing. and his. and the stupid creaking bed under you both. you choke on your own spit, damn near swallow your tongue trying to process it, and jeonghan’s eyes are wide now, just as shocked as you. his face is this violent shade of red, cheeks flaming, and you swear you can hear his brain short-circuiting.

“i—” he stammers, looking away like that’ll save him from the mess he just made. “shit. i um—fuck.”

your brain’s doing cartwheels trying to catch up, but it doesn’t take long for the absurdity to hit you. you start laughing, like actual laughing, trying to hold it in but completely failing. you double over, one hand resting on his chest as he groans, embarrassment swallowing him whole.

“what the fuck did you just say?” you tease. “riding you so good you gotta wife me up, huh?”

“oh, shut up,” he groans, slapping your back in retaliation, though it’s more out of embarrassment than anything. his face is still red as hell, lips pressed together like he’s praying the earth’ll open up and swallow him whole. but the way he’s looking at you... that little crack in his usual cocky, rough persona has your heart doing this weird, fluttery thing in your chest.

“nah, nah, hold on,” you mock, starting to move your hips again, slow and teasing, feeling the way he twitches underneath you. “you really just—fuck—asked me to marry you?”

his hands snap back to your waist, that grip turning punishing. “i swear to god, don’t start.”

“why not?” you grin, feeling bold. “you mean it, hannie?”

“you want me to stop?” he asks, threatening, but you can hear the edge of it, the desperation he’s not quite able to mask. his hips buck up into you, almost instinctively, and you moan, losing some of your playful edge as your body melts back into his rhythm.

you bite your lip, trying to hold back another laugh. “didn’t say that.”

“good,” he hisses, grinding up into you harder, making sure you feel him. “then don’t fuckin’ tease me.”

but now, all you can think about is how real it feels, how intense his gaze is, and suddenly, his usual roughness feels... different. more desperate. he’s not just trying to make you moan, not just focused on his own pleasure—he’s unraveling, for you. “you didn’t answer me,” he mutters, words slurring together as you pick up speed again, each bounce making the bedframe shake. his hands are gripping your thighs now, pulling you down harder onto him, like he’s chasing something.

“huh?” you barely manage, mind spinning, trying to focus on anything besides the overwhelming feeling of him deep inside you.

he bites his lip, eyes glued to where you’re connected, his voice dropping to a low, shaky whisper. “say yes.”

you blink down at him, heart skipping a beat. he’s serious. fuck.

you’re not even thinking when you say it. “yes. i-i do.”

it’s like a switch flips. he lets out this sound—this needy, broken moan, and fuck, you’ve never heard him sound like that before. he sits up, practically yanking you down to meet his thrusts, arms wrapped tight around your waist, face buried in your neck. the pace is brutal, desperate, and you’re a mess of gasps and moans, every single one drawn out by the intensity of it all.

you don’t realize he’s crying until you feel it, those warm tears soaking your skin as he buries his face deeper against your shoulder. he’s shaking, breath hitching, but he doesn’t stop moving, doesn’t stop giving it to you exactly how you need it.

“fuck, you’re mine,” he whispers, voice wrecked, wet, needy. “all mine.”

you can barely respond, every nerve in your body on fire, but you clutch him tighter, fingers digging into his back, matching his rhythm with everything you’ve got. “yours,” you choke out, and that’s all it takes for him to fall apart completely. he’s holding you so close it’s like he’s afraid you’ll slip away, fucking you like he’s staking a claim, making sure you never forget this moment.

and then he cums, hard, dragging you over the edge with him, the two of you tangled in each other, breathless and whiny. jeonghan pulls back just enough to look at you, tears still clinging to his lashes, but he’s smiling now—the prettiest smile you’ve ever seen.

“married to me, hm?” you tease heartily caressing his hair, panting, but your chest is warm, full.

“baby.” he groans, face contorting ready to cry again, making you chuckle, he pouts, burying his face in your neck again.

but you don’t miss the way his arms tighten around you. you don’t miss the way he holds you like he’s never letting go.

[girl-lostconnection]

I just wanna say I love your fruit bat!reader and I just had to think about the boys further misunderstanding when reader maybe has a darker aesthetic, but reader doesn't get at all the connection cause like yeah black's just a neat colour, oh I guess vampires are cool. Wait me? *Mouthful of orange or something* me no fruits all the way? I don't know what you mean.

On one side it would be incredibly funny as misunderstanding but the devil is whispering in my ear so let’s walk the other way.

Imagine Reader freshly selected to join the team, nervous about meeting new people who they read EVERYTHING on, just to be ready.

And no one is hostile, right? They are friendly, almost too friendly, which grates on your nerves a little but you know, maybe you are thinking too much about it?

Works up until the first joke about the vampires, huge wolf operator (you find out later that his call sign is Ghost).

“Know why people don’t like workin’ with vampire bats?”, the question catches you off guard, your eyes snapping to the man’s eyes and you tilt your head to the side. You don’t know him yet, you aren’t sure how much of a reaction is allowed in this circumstance.

“‘Cause they are pain in the neck”, he announces, his brown eyes boring a hole into you, his tail wagging like he is waiting for you to start laughing.

You don’t. You stare right back at him, fingers flexing so the sharp points of your claws dig into your palm and you manage a smile that feels a little too forced.

Big wolf in front of you apparently sees it as well, because you can see the way his jaw flexes under the mask.

So for some reason he decides to give it another go. (Only months later you will find out that Simon was desperately scrambling for all the bat x vampire puns he remembered, thinking that the first one sounded a little too abrasive)

“What drink does bat order at the bar?”, he asks, his left ear giving in a small twitch that catches your eye. He sure is big for the wolf, most of their family you met in the past were tall and lean but this guy is built like a bloody tank.

“What?”, you ask, heart beating a little harder than you’d like it, anxiety coiling in your gut.

“A Bloody Mary”, wolf hums out, his ear giving in another twitch and corners of your mouth curl upwards. Cute.

Wolf’s tail starts to wag again, eyes satisfied as he walks off and you follow him to see your new space and unpack.

Isn’t so bad for the first meeting, right?

But in hindsight every interaction from then on felt…somehow forced. Recurring about blood and meat and fucking Halloween. Remarks about wearing too much black or the way Soap once chuckled at the silver chain with a beautiful red cross. Not a religious symbol but simply an accessory you liked.

It all was piling up so quickly you decided to just…stay on the outside. Maybe that would be better. Maybe they were trying to tell you that they didn’t want a bat and didn’t like bats.

That they didn’t like you.

It takes time to undo and the process is slow — you are a tough nut to crack, but they don’t try to crack you. Just…make amends, yeah?

Your relationship with Simon makes a cycle when he peels you oranges, eyes soft as you devour pieces of peaches.

“Do you know what’s a vegetarian vampire bat’s favourite fruit, luv?”, he hums out, placing a peeled orange in your bowl, something in his tone making you feel fuzzy.

“What is it?”, his tail is wagging and god the way he looks at you makes something tender in your chest ache, you mouth voluntarily falling open when he pushes a piece of peach in it, eyes crinkling.

“A neck-tarine”, Simon murmurs, his tail wagging harder when you laugh after a beat, juices from fruit dripping down your chin.

You shake your head at him in faux disbelief and he grins, popping a slice of orange in his mouth.

“Can do it all night”

You roll your eyes and instinctively smack his hand away when he tries to steal your bowl.

“That’s what I’m afraid of”

[kaitawrites]

Silent Whispers (2)

Pairing: "Wolverine" Logan Howlett x Mutant!Reader

word count: 1.1k Warnings: smut, creampie, angst, Notes: This is 18+ as there are sexual themes within the story. This is a continuation of this post Silent Whispers. I hope you enjoy it all!

Taglist: @amelia262006 @clairealeehelsing @arrowenchantress @marcybug @cosmicmagicgirl @killerwendigo

“Logan, you can't just mope and drink all day,” Ororo exclaims. Watching Logan continue to sip on his cup of whiskey, his eyebrows furrowed and eyes screwed shut. He continues to ignore Ororo as he tries to reason with him. “You know she wouldn’t want this.” Logan harshly slams the glass onto the table, his eyes opening to glare daggers at Ororo. “Shut the fuck up” He mutters. 

It’s been 5 months and Logan didn’t get a lick of sleep. Up looking for you and trying to find you. He already ran to Charles to ask on your whereabouts. When he told him that you were no where to be found. He just couldn’t understand how you disappeared the way you did. He puts his face into his hands. “I don’t know what else to do. I am nothing without her.” Ororo shakes her head at him. “We will keep looking for her. We will let you know if anything comes up.” With that Ororo leaves Logan in the kitchen alone. 

All Logan can think about is you. He closes his eyes and thats where he could hear your voice. “How would you feel about settling down, lo?” Logan was at first shocked with the question. He rubs his hands on your left shoulder, caressing and massaging. “I mean I haven’t thought about that really.” You move your whole body to face Logan. Your beautiful eyes behind your long lashes. “You never thought of us settling down? Marriage? A baby?” Logan’s eyes run along your facial features. “We’re mutants. How would we be able to settle down? You seen what happened to Magneto and his family.” He watches your delicate features scrunch up a bit into a grimace. “Yea, you’re right. I think I’m going to get some rest. Good night.” You turn away from him, facing the opposite direction from him in the bed. 

That’s all he’s been thinking about. Living the good long life with you. But he was afraid. Afraid of losing you like he lost the others. Afraid someone will take you from him. Unknowingly pushing you away due to his insecurity. Now look at him. Lost you just as he feared. He clenches his fists in frustration. He couldn’t believe he just let you go like that. Pushing you so far away that you literally run right out his life. Jumping out the window and all. 

He can still remember your touch. The way you would give him both pleasure and comfort. The strong warmth that comes off your body that wrapped around his entire being. The way your kisses lead down his neck and to his chest. He held your chin so he could connect a kiss. You left him breathless, his eyes showing how mesmerized he was by you. “You ready?” A smirk was on your lips as you look down at his exposed chest and give him a little glance. 

He gives a slight nod. You trail down his body with your fingers. With elegance and swiftness, his pants are thrown on the ground. Your hands delicately holds him, trailing kisses up and down his cock. You hear the hitch in Logan’s breath and his hands grip onto the sheets once you finally enter it into your mouth. Your rhythm was slow and sensual knowing this is the exact opposite of what Logan wants. The evidence is in the way his hips buck up into your mouth. He doesn’t make a move on your hair or head because last time that happened, he gave you a new hair cut. 

“Fuck, I can’t take it anymore.” He grabs you up before you could say anything. Flipping everything around and having you pinned down below him. “You have no idea the effects you got on me, princess .” A big grin was on your lips at his words. “Then show me.” Your lips lock with another. The kiss was filled with hunger, desperation, and love. He rips everything you have on in half. “Try to get away from this.” A sharp gasp escapes your lips as Logan doesn’t give you any warning. 

His pace was slow and deliberate. The same pace you was going at before. You let a whine out as you try to wiggle into the thrusts. “Go faster.” A cocky grin appears on Logan’s lips. “What did you say princess?” You arch your back away from the bed. “Please go faster.” Logan doesn’t waste not even a second before quickening his pace. Your moans bounce off the wall as you grip onto the sheets. Logan’s eyes never leave your body. Looking over all your features as if he wants to have this memory ingrained in his brain. His watching your breast bounce against your chest, the way your lips were slightly agape as moans left your lips. “I’m so close,” You whisper, your hands moving to grip onto Logan’s arms. Your nails digging into his flesh, the slight stinging adding onto the pleasure. You finish with a wail. It didn’t take long for Logan as you squeezed him so tight. His breath hitches as his climax was close. “I’m gonna fill you up,” A desperate whine escapes your lips. 

“You would like that, wouldn’t you? Huh, I can’t hear you.” You nod your head with a quickness. Nails digging deeper into his skin, a hiss escaping his lips. A low growl leaves his lips as he empties himself in you, thick ropes of cum leaking out of you. He collapsed next to you. ‘I’m glad you both are enjoying yourselves on your day off. But it would be nice if you both kept it down.’ Charles voice is heard in the both of your heads. You guys both staring at each other in horror at the sound before erupting into laughter. 

Two years had went by and there is still no sign of you. At this point, Logan had become more bitter and harsh. The wrinkles on his face began to deepen on his face. His eyes were colder and darker than before. He would drink himself half to death if he could. He sat at the local bar, lips on another glass of whiskey. Everything just phased passed him, nothing would last. Nothing ever lasts but him. 

Ororo enters the bar with urgency, her legs walking quickly to Logan. She knew where he would be since she was the only one who had personally checked on Logan past few months. Logan always went to the same spot as always. He never left the seat. “We found her, Logan.” At first, the words didn’t register. He continued to drink the rest of the bitter liquid. Ororo places a hand on his shoulder. She whispers your name. “We found her.” It finally clicked and with a quickness, he was standing up out of his chair. “Where.” Is the only thing that comes out of his mouth. 

Marvel Masterlist

Silent whispers Masterlist

[accio-boys]

prophecy | fiyero x reader

summary; just a seer, prince, secrets, love, & destiny.

author’s note; I totally knew I had to write something new after reading a whole ass fanfic about star-crossed lovers. fiyero lovers should I do a whole ass fiyero x reader fanfic? But what kind of plot? I also wanna do The Wizard x reader but would any read it? Jeff Goldblum is just ughh…iykyk…Btw everyone, REQUESTS ARE OPEN! REQUEST ALL YOU CAN PEOPLE!

Reserved yet academically brilliant—that was who Y/N L/N was, a late enrollee at Shiz University. She stepped off the small boat onto the school’s grounds, her movements cautious yet purposeful. Her gaze darted around the sprawling campus, seeking a sign of faculty or staff to guide her. She clutched the strap of her bag tightly, keeping her head low, trying not to attract attention.

And yet, attention found her.

“I’m sorry, I’m not quite sure where to go, Mr...?” she asked, her voice soft but steady.

“Fiyero,” he said with an easy smile. “Just call me Fiyero.”

There was something about him that struck her. Maybe it was the carefree confidence he exuded, or the way his grin seemed to challenge the very notion of seriousness. But Y/N simply nodded, her expression neutral.

“Oh, okay. Have a nice day, Fiyero.” She turned and walked away, leaving him standing there, intrigued and slightly off-balance. He wasn’t used to being dismissed so quickly—and certainly not by someone as mysterious as her.

Fiyero couldn’t shake her from his thoughts. There was something about Y/N that made him curious, something beneath the surface she seemed desperate to hide. He sought her out, always finding excuses to cross her path, but their encounters were less than pleasant.

“Why do you keep showing up?” she snapped one day after he "accidentally" ran into her outside the library.

“Maybe I just like a challenge,” he shot back, his grin turning mischievous. “You’re not exactly the warmest person, you know.”

She glared at him, her green eyes flashing. “Maybe that’s because I don’t want to be bothered.”

“Or maybe you’re just afraid to let anyone in,” he countered, his tone softening for just a moment before he turned and walked away, leaving her stunned and fuming.

The tension between them only grew. Fiyero’s playful teasing grated on her nerves, and her sharp retorts stung more than she intended. But underneath the barbs and glares, there was an unspoken connection neither could deny.

One evening, during a school event, Fiyero caught her alone in the garden.

“Why do you hide yourself away from me? From everyone?” he asked, his voice devoid of its usual teasing edge.

Her eyes, bright and sharp, flickered with something unreadable. “I don’t know what you mean,” she replied softly, turning away. “And I don’t care.”

“You do care,” he said, stepping closer. “You just don’t want to admit it. But I see you, Y/N. You’re not as invisible as you think.”

Her breath caught, but she refused to let him see her falter. “Maybe you should stop looking,” she said, her voice colder than she felt.

But he didn’t stop.

The problem was, Y/N had a secret. A dangerous one. She was a seer, burdened with visions she couldn’t control and truths she often wished she didn’t know. Her gift—or curse, as she saw it—made it impossible to lead a normal life. People who got too close to her either feared her or tried to use her. She’d sworn to herself that Shiz would be different. She would keep her head down, stay invisible. 

No attachments. 

No risks.

And then there was Fiyero.

One evening, as the sun dipped below the horizon, Y/N’s resolve faltered. Fiyero had found her once again, his presence as insistent as ever.

“I wonder,” she whispered, almost to herself, her voice trembling as her gaze met his.

Her hand reached up, almost of its own accord, brushing against his cheek. His eyes fluttered closed at her touch, the softness of it disarming him completely.

Her heart pounded as she leaned in, her lips brushing his softly. The moment they touched, the world seemed to shift around her. But it wasn’t the warmth of the kiss that consumed her; it was the vision that followed.

Images flooded her mind. She saw them together, standing side by side through trials and triumphs. But the vision turned dark, shadowed by an ominous foretelling. One of them would fall. One of them would die.

She gasped, pulling away as if burned. Her hands trembled, and her breath came in shallow gasps. Fiyero reached for her, his concern evident.

“What’s wrong? What did I do?” he asked, his voice tinged with confusion and worry.

“It’s not you,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “It’s me. It’s… us.”

She turned and fled, leaving him standing there, his heart aching with the weight of her words.

Y/N tried to avoid him after that, but Fiyero was persistent. His determination to understand her only grew stronger.

“Why are you running from me?” he demanded one day, cornering her in an empty hallway. “What are you so afraid of?”

“You wouldn’t understand,” she said, her voice breaking. “I’m trying to protect you.”

“Protect me from what?” he pressed, his eyes searching hers. “Whatever it is, we can face it together.”

She shook her head, tears streaming down her face. “You don’t get it. If I let you in, if we…” She trailed off, unable to say the words. “I saw it, Fiyero. I saw what happens if we’re together. One of us dies.”

He froze, the weight of her confession sinking in. But instead of stepping back, he took a step closer.

“And if we’re apart? What then?” he asked. “Do we just live half-lives, pretending this doesn’t exist? Pretending we don’t exist?”

She stared at him, her resolve crumbling under the force of his words. “I don’t know what to do,” she admitted, her voice barely audible.

“You don’t have to know,” he said gently, his hands reaching up to cradle her face. “You just have to trust me. Trust us.”

It wasn’t until much later that she let her guard down, piece by fragile piece. The change was slow, marked by stolen moments and quiet confessions. The bickering turned to banter, the walls between them crumbling with each shared glance and unspoken understanding.

“Would you love me if you knew?” she asked him one night, her voice barely above a whisper.

“If I knew what?” he pressed gently, his eyes searching hers.

She hesitated, her heart pounding. “If you knew who I really am. What I can do.”

His answer came without hesitation. “I would love you if the sun burned out and the moon disappeared. I would love you if the stars fell from the sky and the earth itself crumbled beneath our feet. I would give up everything—my title, my name, my future—just to have you by my side.”

His voice cracked with emotion as he reached for her, his thumbs brushing away the tears that streamed down her face. “Just say the word, Y/N. Say you’ll be mine, and I’ll move heaven and earth for you.”

Tears blurred her vision, but she smiled through them, her heart finally yielding to the truth she could no longer deny.

“I love you, Fiyero,” she whispered, her voice steady despite the flood of emotions. “With bonds no one can break, I am yours.”

He pulled her close, their foreheads touching as they breathed each other in. “And I am yours,” he murmured.

Their lips met again, but this time, it was a kiss of certainty, of promises made and futures entwined. Whatever storms lay ahead, they would face them together. For the first time, Y/N let herself believe in something more than fear or duty.

She let herself believe in love.

tags; @tn22220-blog

[sur-i-ki]

7/20

Scissors, paper

The moment he tells you, you feel like the floor has fallen out from under you. It's a sinking sensation in your stomach, a heaviness settling in your chest that makes it hard to breathe. You look at him, waiting for him to tell you that it isn’t true, that he didn’t mean it, that he would never choose someone else over you.

But his face says everything you’re afraid to hear.

There’s a tension in the air, thick and pressing. You can feel your heart pounding in your throat as he stares at the ground, refusing to meet your gaze. He’s looking at his hands, clasped tightly in front of him, his knuckles white as if he’s holding on to some invisible thread that’s keeping him from falling apart.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” you ask finally, your voice coming out softer than you intended. You want to sound angry, to make him feel even a fraction of the hurt that’s tearing through you, but all you hear is your own desperation.

He closes his eyes and lets out a sigh, like he’s been holding it in for too long. “Because it doesn’t change anything. I didn’t want you to feel… like this.”

“Like what?” The words are sharp now, as they slice through the silence between you. “Like I’m not good enough? Like I was just… convenient for you?”

He flinches, his face contorting with guilt, but he doesn’t argue. And that hurts more than anything else, more than any explanation he could try to give. The truth is there, hanging between you, raw and unspoken.

You stare at him, feeling an ache so deep it feels like it’s carving a hole inside of you. “Tell me,” you say, barely managing to keep your voice steady. “Tell me that I wasn’t your first choice.”

The silence stretches, heavy and suffocating, until finally, he looks up at you, his eyes glassy with something you’re afraid to name. “You weren’t,” he says, barely above a whisper. “But it doesn’t mean I don’t… it doesn’t mean I didn’t fall in love with you.”

The words wash over you, cold and sharp, a twisted comfort that only makes the ache grow stronger. You feel tears prick at the corners of your eyes, but you refuse to let them fall. You’ve shed enough tears over him already, over this fragile connection you thought was solid, that you thought could hold you both.

“Then why?” Your voice breaks, and you hate yourself for it, but you can’t stop. “Why did you stay with me? Why did you let me think that I was enough?”

He rubs a hand over his face, his shoulders slumping, and you realize he looks as broken as you feel. “Because I didn’t know how to let you go,” he admits, his voice thick with regret. “I thought maybe… maybe I could make it work. Maybe you’d be enough to make me forget.”

“But I wasn’t,” you say, the words bitter on your tongue. “I was never going to be.”

The hurt in his eyes sharpens, and for a moment, you see his own pain, his own helplessness. “It wasn’t supposed to happen like this,” he whispers. “I didn’t mean for you to feel like a second choice. I wanted to love you as you deserved.”

The sincerity in his voice cuts through you, leaving you raw and vulnerable, but it’s not enough to heal the wound he’s opened. Because no matter how much he wanted it, no matter how hard he tried, the truth is clear. You were never his first choice, and you never would be.

You swallow hard, the lump in your throat almost unbearable. “Do you even know what it feels like?” you ask, your voice trembling. “To be with someone who can’t give you their whole heart?”

He shakes his head, but you can see the remorse in his eyes. “I never wanted to hurt you,” he says, and his voice is so soft, so pained, that you almost believe him. “I tried to love you completely… I really did.”

“But you couldn’t,” you say, finishing the thought for him. “Because there’s a part of you that still belongs to her, isn’t there?”

His silence is all the answer you need. It’s an emptiness that fills the room, suffocating, a quiet confirmation that cuts deeper than any words could.

You take a shaky breath, your hands balling into fists at your sides. “Do you even understand what it’s like?” you ask, the anger finally breaking free, a wave of hurt and resentment that’s been building up for far too long. “To be someone’s almost, someone’s maybe, but never… never the one?”

He looks at you, his eyes glistening with unshed tears, and for a moment, you think he might say something, that he might offer some comfort, some reassurance that would make this hurt a little less. But he stays silent, his gaze dropping to the floor, and you know that there’s nothing he can say that will change the truth.

“I thought I could be enough,” you whisper, the words more for yourself than for him. “I thought if I just loved you hard enough, it would make up for the parts of you that weren’t mine. But love doesn’t work like that, does it?”

He opens his mouth to respond, but nothing comes out, and the look on his face tells you everything you need to know. He tried. Maybe he wanted to love you as deeply as you loved him. But there’s a difference between wanting and being able to, and you’re realizing now that he was never able to give you everything, no matter how much he wanted to.

The silence stretches between you, heavy and painful, until finally, he speaks, his voice barely a whisper. “I’m sorry,” he says, and there’s a brokenness in his tone that makes you wonder if he’s hurting just as much as you are.

But sorry isn’t enough. Not for this.

You take a step back, your heart aching with every movement, and you watch as his face falls, as he realizes what you’re about to do.

“I can’t keep doing this,” you say, your voice shaking. “I can’t keep pretending that I’m okay with being second best. I deserve more than that. I deserve someone who looks at me and doesn’t see a compromise.”

He takes a step toward you, his hand reaching out, but you shake your head, holding up a hand to stop him.

“No,” you say firmly, swallowing the tears threatening to spill. “I love you, but I can’t keep losing pieces of myself just to fit into this space you made for me. I can’t keep being your second choice.”

The finality of your words settles between you, and you see the pain flash in his eyes, the realization that he’s losing you, that he’s already lost you. But he doesn’t try to stop you. He knows, just as well as you do, that there’s no fixing this, that the damage has already been done.

You turn and walk away, each step feeling heavier than the last, until you’re out of sight, and the silence closes in around you. And even though you know you did the right thing, even though you know you deserve better, the emptiness lingers, a hollow ache that will take time to heal.

But for the first time, you know that you’ll find a way to move on, that one day, you’ll find someone who doesn’t just settle for you, but chooses you wholeheartedly. And until then, you’ll hold on to that hope, a small but powerful light in the darkness of this heartbreak.

⇝ 𝘓𝘪𝘬𝘦𝘴, 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥! 𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘣𝘶𝘵𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘮𝘺 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰n

Finally clearing drafts

[lurkingshan]

I am not missing the way Sei did not meet Hagiwara’s energy after their night together. He tried to put up a boundary. He said they shouldn’t leave their partners. He tried to leave. Even after acquiescing to stay, he didn’t have the same emotional intensity, and he also tried to keep it cool and pump the brakes when Hagiwara got emotional with him at work. He’s not yet ready to leave his partner and jump into this.

And I’m wondering how much that’s about his own fears and insecurities, because technically he’s not in a romantic relationship, right? He could accept this connection more easily than Hagiwara and finally be with someone who wants him the way he wants to be wanted. But can he trust Hagiwara to mean it? From where Sei is sitting, Hagiwara is a lonely straight man who reached out to him in desperation and is now being super emotional and messy, and Sei may not be willing to trust that it’s real or that he’ll actually leave his girlfriend. I’m also curious whether there are still things we don’t know about his relationship and why he’s so reluctant to end it, or if this is really just a case of being afraid to leave what he knows.

[alphajocklover]

just wanted to say that Uncle story you made was really good... Any chance for a part 2?

Hey everyone. I wanted to thank you all for your kind words concerning my Uncle John. After I shared what had happened to him and how I got into TF reporting, I got a lot of supportive messages (along with the regular ones that seem to think this is some sort of… kink blog? What even is that?). Because of how kind you’ve been, I thought I should update you on how everything is going. I’m sorry to say there isn’t much to update you on though. I have a good idea as to who transformed my uncle, which I’ll probably expand upon in another post (I keep saying that, I know, but I will), but what I don’t know is where he is. I haven’t got a clue where he is at the moment, but luckily I’m not the only one searching for him.

The Douchebag Revolution has been keeping an eye out for him for one. Since I help them out sometimes they’ve been helping me. They can be surprisingly nice at times, and they’re pretty sympathetic to people who have been transformed against their will, since they all were at some point. They also seem to have somehow gotten the idea that Uncle John was straight before he got transformed, but since that seems to motivate them more I haven’t corrected them.

I have members of other groups I’ve mentioned helping me too. I won’t name names, since they could get fired (or transformed), but I do have some connections at EB Jewelry, despite the company's anti-journalist policy. They’re the reason I was actually able to get some information on the company in the first place, and they’ve been using some of their connections within the company to help look for my Uncle. They haven’t found much yet, though it's because of them I can safely say that EB Jewelry isn’t involved in what happened.

Then of course there are the other TF Reporters who help, a few personal friends of my Uncle, and… Nick. My Uncles literally devilish friend, Nick. Honestly, he’s been looking harder than anyone, and I think I know why. I’ve always referred to Nick as my Uncle’s devil friend, and that's how he introduced himself to me, but… from what I’ve noticed, they were actually closer than that. It was the little things that gave it away. The look in Nick's eyes when he talks about my uncle, both fond and painful, the way he seems more desperate to find him than I do, how protective he’s been of me since my Uncle disappeared. I think he and my Uncle John were seriously involved, for quite a long time.

It’s kind of weird to realize your Uncle is, or at least was, in a long term relationship with a devil, but no matter the reason, I’m glad he's here. I don’t know If I could do all this without Nick's help. He’s half the reason I haven't been turned into a dumb hunk myself. I do worry sometimes that this is starting to get to him. Whoever transformed Uncle John has been sending… pictures, recently. He’s always transformed in a different way and with a different look, but I can just tell it’s him. They’re showing him off like some sort of trophy, using him to mock us. Nick never says anything but it’s killing him seeing my Uncle that way, I can tell.

This whole thing is my fault. I was the reason my Uncle got changed. I have to get him back. I know whoever took him is reading this post. I know you’re powerful, powerful enough that time travel, demons and capitalist don’t want to fight you. But I’m not afraid of you. I know who you are, and I’m giving you a fair warning: I’m coming for you, and I’m getting him back. No matter what.

**I’ve been meaning to do a sequel to the ‘My Uncle’ story for a while. I love big lore stories. I need to introduce the big bad soon, but there so much other stuff to write too so it might still be a bit. Hope you love this story and hope you guys can wait!**

[skipper1331]

The Nowhere // Jessie Fleming

a/n: based off this request. Hope you like it :)

Sweet girl Jessie, the lover girl.

The girl that was heads of heels for you.

The girl that could be the devil if someone was mean to you.

The girl that would blush crimson red when you wore her jersey - her name across your back.

Jess fell in love with you many, many years ago. It was the easiest thing to do. She fell in love with your smile, your laughter, your personality - simply in love with you.

Which was why her heart was beating so fast when the idea of marriage popped up.

It had made her heart race when it was first brought up by you as you both were teenagers and now, since the ring was hidden in her gym bag.

But Jess was determined to make you her wife.

-

"Wake up" the canadian whispered, thumb caressing your cheek. You grumbled, mumbling "no" about to turn around as she pressed a lingering kiss to your forehead, "please" her voice sounded anxious, desperate. In panic, you sat up while you stared at the brunette, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes, "what‘s wrong? Did you have a bad dream?" you asked softly, your voice raspy. You glanced behind Jess, 4am the clock said.

"No" she said, "I’m okay"

"Why did you wake me? It‘s 4am" you muttered, again rubbing your eyes - you couldn‘t go back to sleep anymore even if you wanted to. "We have a place to be. Get dressed, breakfast is already prepared" the midfielder grinned, pressing quick pecks to your lips before she jumped out of bed. The girl awake since 3am.

Today would be the day.

To be fair, till a few days ago she didn��t know that today would be the day but after the recent derby win she knew for sure. She would make hers forever.

You grumbled, slowly getting out of bed - what was happening? Jess and adventurous? She was a very structured person who liked to be in control and valued her sleep, so it didn't make any sense to you to get up this early. Something was wrong.

"Jess? What should I wear?" you asked as she re-entered your shared bedroom.

"Anything you like" she told you, hugging you from behind as you stood in front of the wardrobe, "you always look beautiful" as she admired.

"such a charmer" you giggled, "thank you."

-

20 minutes later, the two of you sat in the car. Jess sat in the drivers seat while you were in the seat next to her, your phone connected to the aux. It was completely dark outside, the soft music lulling you back to sleep as you wrapped yourself in the blanket that Jess brought with her - for exact reason. "I‘ll wake you when we‘re there" she whispered.

"Where are we going?"

"For me to know, for you to find out"

"Are you going to murder me?" you laughed, eyes getting heavier and heavier.

"I‘m afraid so" she matched your tone. After a minute or so she added, "please trust me on this"

You responded with "i always do" sleep then coming over you.

At one point Jess was happy about the fact you fell asleep so you wouldn‘t see her anxious state which grew more and more. On the other side, it was unfortunate that you fell asleep, your voice was always calming to her.

Yet she felt confident somehow.

At the end of the day, you would wear the gorgeous ring which was hidden in her backpack - which was designed for you. The ring was perfect, you would love it. It wasn‘t too big or too glamorous nor too plain.

Hopefully.

At every red light or situation where the car came to a halt, your girl would look at you, checking if you were still tucked in and if your head was resting comfortably and safely. Each time, her heart would swoon at your sight. You looked tranquil, nose scrunching every now and then as you mumbled softly, the dream seemingly interesting.

One and a half hours later, Jess arrived at her destination. She parked the car before she got out of it, walking over to your side. Somehow knowing that you‘d arrived, you opened your eyes, just when Jess was about to open the door, "good morning" she smiled, a yawn leaving your lips as you stretched yourself.

"Hi" you replied, puckering your lips for her to kiss. Instantly, she obliged as she connected your lips in a sweet good morning kiss.

Stepping out of the car, you looked around - nothing, expect of some trees and a corn field behind you. "Where are we?"

"In the nowhere" she answered as she grabbed her backpack and your hand. "This way" the brunette walked along the cornfield for a while before finding the path she seemed to be looking for. She went in first, her hand firmly in yours as she carefully led you through the field. After about 5 minutes you were outside of it again, a beautiful flower meadow in front of you. You gasped slightly as it in came in the view, the sun rising minimally. "Wow" you breathed out, star struck about the beauty of the flowers, so many different ones.

Wordlessly, the girl guided you to the bench which you hadn't even seen, even though it was placed in the middle of the meadow.

The two of you sat there, Jessie having her arm around you as your head rested comfortably on her shoulder. In silence, you watched the sunrise, beautiful colours covering the sky. Jess grew nervous by every second, when was the right moment? When did the sky look the most breathtaking? Discreetly, she reached into her bag to get the ring as she then hid it next to her leg.

"Stand up for me?" she whispered, her arms going around your waist as you stood there. It caught her off guard how stunning you looked - the sky in the background as well as the flower field.

"What‘s going on?" you asked, the brunette staring at you with the biggest heart eyes.

"I can‘t be your girlfriend anymore, I don‘t want to" she said, eyes admiring, not realizing how bad her wording was.

"What the fuck?" you snatched your hands from hers as you took a step back, "you woke me up at 4am, to bring me here, just so you could break up with me?!"

"No! Gosh, no!" she grabbed your hands again, a firm yet gentle grip on them as she continued, "i didn’t mean it like that- gosh, wow, um… we‘re in the middle of nowhere and that‘s where I want to be. I want to be everywhere and nowhere with you, as long as it‘s with you. You have the prettiest eyes, the widest smile and the brightest laugh. I love you and everything about you. I‘ve loved you since i‘m 15 and I want you to be much more than 'just' my girlfriend. Every time I see my last name on your back, it makes my heart race because I want it to be your name too. I want you to be a Fleming, so I‘m asking you" she took a deep breath before she grabbed the velvet box from the bench and went down on one knee, "will you marry me?" she closed her eyes, inhaling sharply as she waited for an answer.

"Yes!" you squealed as you jumped in to her arms, knocking her to the ground.

"Yes, yes, yes!"

Quickly, she put the ring on your finger whilst you straddled her lap. You kissed her with a new found fiancé-passion, your hands cupping her cheeks as you pulled her impossible closer, her hands gripping your hips, squeezing them every now and then as you kissed each other for your dearest life.

You pulled away when oxygen became a problem, loving glance shared as you caressed her burnt cheeks, "you know, this place is actually called 'the nowhere'" she mumbled shyly, hiding her face in the crook of your neck as you started laughing, softly.

Your heart swelled at the thoughtful scene. "I love you so much" hugging her tighter, the both of you enjoyed the moment in the flowers and sunrise.

Nowhere was a special place with Jess.

———————

[pinkusmaximus]

I absolutely love your Wade and Logan protecting their partner post 😍 How do you feel about their partner can't help but scold both of them while crying? You know that they have their healing factors but it doesn't mean you want them to literally shield you with their bodies! Your body is fine but your heart hurts! You even try to make both of them promise to never do that again 🥺 but both of them admitted that they would do it again in a heartbeat 😤 Please tell me your thoughts if you don't mind!

Well, you already know the problem, anon. Of course they’d do it again.

And I’m sorry, this won’t be as pretty as you’d hoped. It never is with them.

Despite the fact that it left you housed in a birdcage made of ribs glistening with blood, gristle hanging off each bone like scraps of fabric clinging to old curtain rods in a long abandoned house. A peek of Logan’s heart pulsated through the holes in his chest— this wasn’t what you’d meant when you’d asked him to show you how he felt inside.

Saliva tinged pink with hemoglobin slipped from Wade’s wrinkled lips, deep red settled in the cracked skin. The only thing keeping them upright was the way their hands desperately clung to one another’s arms, bruises blossoming under Wade’s fingertips and Logan’s claws sunk into Wade’s shoulders, settled deep beneath the scapula. There was no breathing besides your own, just deep, wet rattling— unsettled that your ears registered the sound from their gaping chests, not their mouths.

Utterly tranquilized, eyes so wide it felt like your eyelids were stuck to the sockets, you felt a deep sense of helplessness as you realized they’d be stuck like around you that until their bodies repaired themselves enough to move again. Sure, they could typically keep moving through the worst of torment, but when it was every inch of your body used as a sponge for- god, you could barely remember what had even happened, your memory suddenly blinking out- and maybe they weren’t even still for that long? Maybe the seconds were passing like minutes, like hours, because suddenly the sound of a sick shlick alerts you to Logan retracting his claws from the meat of Wade’s shoulders, dropping from kneeling to sitting on his calves, head slumped against the back of your neck.

Just as quickly, Wade collapses into your front, his head lolled into the crook of your shoulder and arms at your sides, a hand managing to grasp weakly for Logan’s fingers. Your face feels wet and hot, covered in tears that drag through the blood and offal. You find your arms raising without telling them to, bringing them to Wade’s sides in a faltering embrace.

“Thank you,” your vacillating voice chokes, thank you, because how could you say anything else? You couldn’t leave them. They needed as long with you as possible with your fragile, short life. You needed as long with them as you could manage, too.

The organic, gristling sound of flesh mending itself, cartilage reattaching to bone, fascia connecting to muscle, fills your ears as Logan places a weak hand on your hip. His breath hot and fetid against the back of your neck, the smell of rapidly repairing soft tissue indescribable. Not that it mattered. The pulp of their decimated bodies was threading itself back together, little by little, cell by aching cell, as you held each other in a vulnerable, frighteningly feeble embrace. How could you feel anything less than grateful? Afraid, yes, queasy, qualmish, absolutely— but every atom of your entirety trembled with thankfulness.

This was something beyond love, what you three had. Something transcending any kind of devotion comprehensible or able to be upheld by man.

[ahli-stuff]

POTENTIAL SPOILERS FOR ARCANE SEASON 2 ACT III:

League released a new Jayce skin called Arcane Survivor; I’m going to be categorizing his voice lines by how insane each batch of them makes me and doing some short thoughts and analysis

There is a LOT of reoccurring motifs over Jayce’s 8 minutes of voice lines. At least 60% of them thematically contrast, parallel, and/or directly reference Viktor, whether it’s referring to humanity, flaws, science work, and/or promises. Especially heavy on the promises.

Directly Referencing Viktor:

Pretty par of the course voice lines!! It’s nice to get a confirmation that Jayce doesn’t necessarily hate Viktor even after what he's seen, and if he does it’s tinged with a significant edge of bitter sweetness. This also confirms Viktor’s complete loss of humanity in the third act; people say that Viktor already lost his humanity the moment he stepped out of the hex core slime but. I’d argue that he simply lost the cruel side of humanity; he still had his conscience, all things considered. His development in the third act will be the loss of that too.

Jayce’s Dream Motif “Our Hextech Dream”:

I don’t actually need to go through and explain every one of these but. I want to, so, touché. Even after all the likely terrible things Jayce experienced, it’s horribly soft that he still remembers that special moment him and Viktor shared more than a decade ago. It’s still important to him.

Jayce and Viktor’s Scientific Zeal:

AGAIN. Ruminating over his work with Viktor.

Jayce’s Flaws/Humanity Motif:

These lines are in direct contrast to Viktor’s eventual ideology—to Viktor, hextech means perfecting existence, to Jayce, it will be making existence flawed. To Viktor, humanity leads to flaws but to Jayce, flaws lead to humanity.

Jayce’s Promises Motif:

Do I even need to explain this one? I think it’s so. Deeply notable that during the greatest thing you could do during a league match (kill the entire other enemy team) and arguably the worst thing you could do (dying), Jayce has the same thing on his mind. That promise. It remains to be seen if he made another important one while in the anomaly, but I heavily predict it’s his promise with viktor.

Conclusion:

There were like six voice lines each which contributes to the motifs I mentioned here that I couldn’t add, but they are all almost as equally meaningful and gut wrenching to Jayce’s character. I heavily recommend you check the skin showcase on YouTube out—I am so much softer on Jayce now because of some of his very sad lines. Not only because he’s being extremely gay for Viktor, but because this is a man standing alone burdened by knowledge, self-hatred, despair, desperation, and also… hope. He’s the protector of tomorrow, but in the most afraid sense of the title. Love this guy.

It’s shocking to me just how many lines they are refer to viktor in some sort of way. They are. They make me ill. Whether it’s romantic, platonic, something more, something in between, it’s heartening to know their relationship has the gut wrenching connection/estrangement that has the weight to stand next to silco-vander and vi-jinx.

[carnal-lnstinct]

I’m always so excited for your Halloween event! (And anything you write too 💚)

Can I request my boi Gohan. I love our dorky nerd having a mean dark side. 🥰 If I could get anything either dubcon or cnc with him? Any type of setting is good with me; walking home in the dark, meeting at a bar, or a good old meet up with the Ox Prince 😂

(Off question, which I might have asked you before but memory is terrible, but do you think you’ll write Granolah at any point? 🤔)

〖 OX PRINCE GOHAN X READER 〗 ✦✦Content: M/18+. MINORS DNI. au. established relationship. public sex. rough sex. breeding. overstimulation. referenced squirting.    ✦✦Warning: implied dubcon/cnc. light impact play. ✦✦A/N: I still haven't read the other arcs in the manga to fully absorb and muse over Granolah's character, so it depends on how soon I do that and if he strikes interest to me. I swear I only go through the manga to look at Broly 😭 but we'll see!

It seemed like nothing could break through to Gohan in the heat of this moment, his blood pumping and the sound of his own pulse in his ears smothering out any remaining wariness for your surroundings. He’s past the point of indulging a distraction like a creeping up voice or the floor creaking under approaching footsteps. You’re right here, sobbing under the growing intensity of his body pounding against yours and lacking all the flash and fight you started with. You’re perfectly broken down, now malleable for whatever he wanted you to be. He pulled you flush against his hips, allowing you to keep his cock warm for the moment as he removed the fogged glasses from his eyes to get a better look at you. The Ox Prince admires his handiwork with a tasteful lick of his lips and a languid drag of your body along his length, taking in the mess of his cum and yours glossing up your connection.

You trembled inconsolably from the aftershocks of orgasms and squirts you couldn’t control, let alone recover from. A pitiful whine leaves your lips and your knees buckle a little when he pulls you back to fully sheath himself again making him snicker proudly.

Regardless of how much you shake and sob, you aren’t fixing your mouth to say that word. The only thing to make it all stop. Or, perhaps, you can’t. Nothing but hoarse, shaky croaks on your breath, and a fog in your mind holding you back from the relief you desperately need. Even so, he gave it to you to use as a mercy.

Gohan inviting himself to slap your ass in quick succession just to feel you clamp around his cock reminds you of your shared addiction to the high, which really keeps your safe word sitting in the back of your throat. It doesn’t matter where you are, he’s going to fuck you. You protest and he does it harder, longer. Drawing it out and goading you with those deep strokes against your spot to draw attention knowing you’ll try your best to keep from embarrassing yourself. With that shame stirring back into your mind you find your words again, miraculously letting out pleas for him to end it already, for your sake. You can’t take another build-up anymore than you can keep yourself quiet enough to avoid attention. 

But your begging is all hollow bullshit if you’re not going to say it. Admitting you’re afraid to be caught like this or what Gohan would do in the situation should his temper get the best of him doesn’t stop him. You’re his woman, he’ll have you whenever and wherever he wants and he’s never led you to believe otherwise since you’ve gotten this far in your relationship. Filling you up and watching you shamble around afterward to keep it all in is the mark of a fulfilling fuck.

Gohan takes your leg and turns you onto your back from your position on your knees, your cunt wet and stretched to his size enough that he could do it without pulling out of you. He’s not even giving your pathetic words the time of day. 

He doesn’t waste any of his attention on keeping your hands restrained when you start to push against the roll of his hips, growing into a desperate fuss when his pace finds the angle to make you squeal. It’s downright cathartic to feel the way you claw at his skin, the impact of your palm nudging at his unwavering form raising an uncanny smile on his face. His ki surged with excitement in the form of electricity around his body. Heating him more than before as red flashes in his irises.

[whyse7vn]

KIM TAEHYUNG

HERE:

[ recommend that you read this for context ]

“You’re…. here?” Taehyung is confused.

It’s not like he was unhappy to see you or anything, in fact his insides felt as if they could fucking explode out of joy right now you’re here. He could of sworn you were mad at him, like reallly mad at him like i’m not talking to you for at least 24 hours, running you over with a car in my mind i’ll push you off a bridge type of mad at him but like he said you’re… here, at his front door. Kinda weird he notes, you definitely do have a key that you make very frequent use of but he decides he’ll call you out on it later.

“Problem?” You voice seems hoarse.

Taehyung frowns. Had you been crying?

You immediately notice the frown that boy in front of you wears and let out a small cough in an attempt to clear your throat.

“Problem?” You try again followed by an awkward smile.

Taehyung can’t help but mirror your small smile with his own boxy grin “Never”

———————-

You now sit on Taehyung’s soft brown couch legs crossed holding one of his many decorative pillows to your chest. You inhale deeply and a musky wood scent fills your nose as you exhale his automatic air freshener, located on a shelf near his tv, goes off and a sickly sweet rose scent fills the room. You scrunch your nose up in disgust but choose not to comment on it knowing that your complaints will fall onto deaf ears as Taehyung claims the smell is “super romantic and alllll the girls love it” You giggle at the memory.

“Water right?”

You break away from your thoughts and look over your shoulder to find Taehyung’s eyes staring right back at you over his kitchen counter. You’ve always liked the way Taehyung’s place was laid out. The open plan really helps his home feel connected and has become your groups go to when hanging out.

You give Taehyung a small nod and turn back around. Something’s…. missing. Your gaze falls to the floor. Oh. You now notice one of Yoentan’s chew toys tucked under the corner of Tae’s fluffy carpet, the toy is purple in colour and what seems to be in a bone shape. Your lips pull into a smile.

“Where’s Tan?” You question.

Unbeknownst to you Tae freezes. “I— erm he’s with my parents right now” He internally cringes he hates lying to you. “Schedules have been real busy lately had to put him somewhere” At least that part was true.

Realistically there was no need to lie you about Yeontan’s whereabouts. I mean sure you would have looked at him funny probably asked a bunch of questions too but ultimately he could have told you. Yet he knew as soon as that question left your mouth he wasn’t going to tell you the truth.

Simply because he’s afraid.

Afraid that you’ll be ok with where Yeontan is right now. Who he’s with right now. And knowing you as much as Taehyung hates to admit it you most likely would be okay with it. You’ll probably read into it congratulate him on finding someone. Taehyung physically rolls his eyes at the thought. He wants you to burn like he did, like he does. He wants the thought of him choosing to leave Yeontan in the care of her instead of you consumes you whole. He wants it to devour you to haunt your every waking thought he wants it to—

“He’s all the way in Deagu? You know i would of taken him if you needed me to”

Taehyung blinks “I know”

He definitely does know.

But call him jealous, call him petty he didn’t care the thought of you and Jaehyun, Joon, Yoongi, Kook and fuck even Hoseok now consumed him. Consumes him. And that’s practically why he felt no shame in calling that number buried so deep in his contact list a week ago.

Now though, he must admit as he sits around an arms length away from you on his couch this whole “no shame” thing he was feeling before had just turned into pure guilt. Taehyung desperately tries to find your eyes but you refuse to make contact the air around you both suddenly awkward. Do you know he’s lying to you perhaps? Or is this just you upset because of the breakup? It’s very rare for Taehyung to be at a loss of what to say most of the time, so with everything in him he decides to break the awkwardness that has somehow found you both.

“Soooo…you went to see Hobi?”

Your eyes lighten up instantly thankful that Tae had taken the initiative to break the silence “Yeah i just wanted to make sure he got that the whole situation wasn’t actually his fault you know he gets in his head about that kind of stuff”

Taehyung nods along with what your saying

Another wave of awkward silence takes over.

You sigh and begin to get up off the couch.

“Maybe i should lea—”

“Did you fuck him?”

Both you and Tae’s eyes widen after the bold question leaves the man’s lips. Taehyung even slaps his hand over his mouth to had to the dramatics of it all.

“I’m sorry?” You begin

“No i’m sorry. I-I didn’t mean to ask that i just— i just noticed you are wearing Hobi’s hoodie and i just thought that— you know so i asked and—” Tae rambles trying to save himself.

You look down at the light blue hoodie you’re wearing very clearly not yours and equally clearly Hoseok’s due to the bold “J-HOPE” printed on each hoodie cuff and it entirely being a little too big for you. You look back up from the hoodie to Tae finding him still rambling on.

“I mean with you Jaehyun it’s like crazy so if you—”

You make eye contact with Taehyung and he shuts up almost immediately.

“What if i did?” The air shifts.

“Huh?” Taehyung is quick to reply

“Fuck Hoseok, what if i did fuck Hoseok?”

“T-thats cool” Taehyung suddenly feels small under your intense gaze.

“Is it?” You press

Taehyung nods unable to trust his own voice right now.

“Are you sure Taehyung?”

“Super sure. I don’t care”

“Then why ask?”

Taehyung turns his head away from you breaking the eye contact you both once held. The Tension in the room in the room is thick, suffocating. Taehyung takes a deep breath.

You’re here.

And Taehyung is still confused as to why. You’re making him feel guilty. Taehyung has nothing to feel guilty about. You’re still here you shouldn’t be here. Not after what’s happened today no. You’re here, why are you still here? This isn’t fair, not on him on you, on Hobi, on Joon Yoongi Koo—

Your delicate fingers on his jaw pull Taehyung both out of this spiralling thoughts and his head to face you again.

“I’m here” You speak slowly to him.

Taehyung can’t breath, he won’t breathe he refuses to breathe so many thoughts, too many thoughts it’s-it’s all not fair. Hot, his body feels hot his mind feels hot everything is just hot and the way you’re looking at him is just so…

Hot.

Fuck it. Taehyung throws all the nonexistent composure he had out the window and tugs you closer smashing his lips onto yours. His hands immediately find you hair while yours find rest on his neck your tongues dance in each other’s mouths for what feels like hours your kiss filled with so much passion and unspoken words before Taehyung pulls away for some much needed air. His hair just as disheveled as yours and lips just as swollen he smiles at you. He doesn’t say anything just stares and smiles. You go to open you mouth to say something but he’s quick to cut you off by diving back into your lips. He does this partly out of fear you’ll ask him to stop say this isn’t right and leave and party no fuck that definitely because if your lips aren’t on him in the next five seconds he’ll actually pass away.

In this moment Taehyung is happy. He’s happy and you’re here.

—

i don’t know where tf this came from shocked at myself actually

tags: @piw6n @92jinnies @birdie-vhs @kooksmilitarywife @hob3loveofmylife @jujubiism @bloopkook @ratchetpizza1 @myntalks @arloo00 @watamotee33 @y2kcy3brz @taiwan0618 @freyadanvers @gguksbeloved @raetf @bbsantc @winuvs @medicinemybish @bxnnyhime @leleluvsbts @baetukki @zyaaaszn @thelilbutifulthings @jazminethecreator @k4ngelz @jmnscutie @sopebubbles-replies @cynicalyoongs @lightningpussy54 @eunthv @gigiiiiislife @lowkeykin @elissasimp

[moonlightseve]

So we all know that Stammi Vicino – Non Te Ne Andare is essentially Viktor’s cry for help in a world where he has neglected his personal life for twenty years, giving everything he has to his sport and becoming an untouchable god because of it. And the lyrics are so sad and I just want to talk about them and what I think is going on because I can’t get it out of my head. 

I hear a voice weeping in the distance Have you maybe been abandoned as well?

We start out with Viktor looking for this person who can understand how he feels, that same desperation for connection between the two of them. They are not united yet, but are able to come together because of their circumstances. Viktor, who has no family that we know of (or even friends outside of skating) is so utterly alone that this chance at having another soul who gets him has to be this horrible gnawing desire. 

Come now, I'll quickly finish this glass of wine I’ll start to get ready Be quiet now

The glass of wine only confirms my thoughts about his loneliness, in my opinion – he has been sitting there alone, silently, enjoying this small pleasure with no company. And now he moves to join this distressed individual addressed at the beginning. There’s little comfort here beyond an attempt to silence their crying, it’s less of an established connection and more of an acknowledgement of similar circumstances. He can understand what it’s like to be sad and alone without feeling like there’ll be any change.

With a sword I wish I could cut those throats singing about love I wish I could enclose in ice the hands that write those verses of burning passion

There’s some frustration here – Viktor is 27 years old when he skates Stammi Vicino. This is past the age where many people experience these passionate romances for the first time, finding a twin flame with which to go through life. Despite how much people adore him, how successful he has become, how admired he is… he cannot be loved because no one truly knows him. There’s so much media out there about people finding each other, these grand love affairs and lasting friendships that add so much depth to a person’s life. And he has nothing. It must be infuriating, to have so much and yet so little. And I think there might be something there with the “enclose in ice the hands that write those verses of burning passion” as well, with him reflecting on his own circumstances in comparison to these love stories. Why don’t they have to suffer the same fate as him, married to the ice? Why must his heart remain frozen and no one else’s?

This story that has no meaning Will vanish tonight together with the stars If I could see you, eternity will be born from hope

There is no meaning to his life, nor is there any meaning behind his connection with this other person. They do not know each other. This is fleeting, and temporary, and entirely impermanent… but god, he wants so badly. He knows he can’t have it but he wants to hope so much.

Stay close to me, don’t go away I’m afraid of losing you

This hope has taken root in his soul. Despite the fact that he is so utterly alone and this individual who maybe can just barely begin to understand how he feels isn’t truly with him in any way that matters, he can’t bear the idea of giving up this tiny thing that is all he has left. This is a moment of pure vulnerability, the admission of just how scared he is. He is going through the motions, facing everything he has to entirely alone. Even a fragment of attention and care sets him alight, he cannot bear to lose anymore than he has already.

Your hands, your legs, My hands, my legs, And our heartbeats Are blending together

Here he comes together with this person. I still don’t think it’s viewed as a bond that he believes in, but acceptance of potential and the fact that maybe they could have something together. He feels something intertwined in their souls, some semblance of similarity. And for him, that means a lot.

Let’s leave together I’m ready now

The glass of wine has been put down, he has acknowledged his anger and frustration, and he is ready to move forward. There’s something for him, maybe, if he keeps looking. He can only hope.

Now. I could go on and talk about what the banquet meant to Viktor, and how this was maybe the first time he had wanted a person in his life this way, or I could just talk  about the duetto … which is what I’m going to do. 

So the duetto contains some pretty obvious lyric changes, namely the fact that the verses

With a sword I wish I could cut those throats singing about love I wish I could enclose in ice the hands that write those verses of burning passion This story that has no meaning Will vanish tonight together with the stars If I could see you, eternity will be born from hope

are removed. Hmmmmmmmm… all of the longing, none of the aggravation towards that sickly sweet romance? None of the denial that this could matter, the quiet desperation that maybe he might be allowed to hope for once? Because finally, after years of searching and waiting and quietly, so quietly, hoping – Viktor found someone who sees him. Who loves him, who wants him for who he is. They can stay close to each other, and neither of them will go away. Yuuri adds this color and warmth to his life that he had been looking for, and Viktor in turn has given Yuuri the chance to flourish and become the best version of himself, all the while having someone by his side who simply will not leave him. They are able to support each other in ways no one else can, and that is what makes their pair skate so beautiful. 

[nickeverdeen]

Horizon Forbidden West characters reacting to you flinching during an argument

Aloy (wlw if romantic)

The moment Aloy sees you flinch, her entire demeanor softens, and the fight drains out of her

She would immediately apologize, hating that she made you feel unsafe or uncomfortable around her

Aloy would likely close the distance between you, gently touching your arm or face to reassure you that she’s not a threat

After the incident, she’d spend time reflecting on her actions and would probably be overly cautious in future arguments

She would sit down with you to discuss what just happened and make sure you know she never meant to hurt you emotionally

“Hey… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you”

Varl

Varl would be stunned, his eyes widening as he realizes the impact of his words or actions

He’d instantly soften his voice, stepping closer but moving slowly to avoid making you more uncomfortable

Varl would sincerely apologize, his voice full of regret

His protective instincts would kick in, and he’d be more careful in future discussions, making sure never to raise his voice

He’d likely pull you into a tight, comforting hug, wanting to show you through his actions that you’re safe with him

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to - are you okay?”

Elisabeth Sobeck (wlw if romantic)

Elisabeth’s expression would immediately shift from frustration to regret, realizing she’s caused you to flinch

She’d quickly apologize, her voice trembling slightly, as she’s not used to feeling so vulnerable. "I’m sorry. That was not my intention."

Elisabeth would want to discuss what led to the flinch, understanding that your relationship should be built on trust and safety

She would reassure you that she would never intentionally hurt you, emotionally or otherwise

Elisabeth would be visibly affected, realizing how much she cares about you and how deeply she values your comfort and trust.

“I’m sorry, that wasn’t my intention”

Sylens

Sylens would pause, the sharpness in his eyes dulling as he processes your reaction

He wouldn’t apologize directly but would immediately lower his tone and distance himself from the intensity he had before

Internally, he’d be frustrated with himself, though he might not show it outwardly

He would try to address the situation logically, asking what made you flinch and how to prevent it in the future

Despite his often cold demeanor, he’d find a way to show that he cares, perhaps by offering a solution to the argument in a calm manner

“Calm down, y/n, it’s not like I’m gonna hurt you”

Beta

Beta would likely tear up, the flinch triggering her own fears and insecurities

She’d immediately apologize, possibly stumbling over her words as she tries to reassure you that she didn’t mean to frighten you

Beta would likely start blaming herself, thinking she’s messed up and hurt you

If she feels safe enough, she’d reach out to hold your hand or touch your shoulder, needing the physical connection to reassure both you and herself

In the future, Beta would be extremely cautious during any disagreements, afraid of accidentally scaring you again

“Oh no, I didn’t mean to–I’m so sorry”

Erend

Erend would be visibly shocked, the guilt hitting him immediately

He’d drop whatever argument you were having and rush to your side, desperate to comfort you

Makes sure you know that he’d never hurt you

He’d likely pull you into a bear hug, wanting to physically reassure you of his feelings

Erend would make a promise to be more careful with his words and actions in the future, valuing your trust above all

"Whoa, hey, no, I’m sorry. I’d never hurt you, you know that, right?"

Petra

Petra’s expression would immediately soften, her voice losing all its previous edge

She’d apologize without hesitation, feeling a pang of guilt for making you flinch

She might reach out to gently take your hand or touch your face, offering a calming gesture to reassure you

Petra would want to discuss what happened, making sure you’re both on the same page and that there are no lingering fears

She’d be more mindful in future arguments, ensuring she never raises her voice or says something that might scare you

“Hey, sorry, that’s not what I wanted”

Tilda (wlw if romantic)

Tilda would be surprised at first, not expecting you to flinch

Her concern would be masked under a composed exterior

She would immediately dial back her intensity, speaking in a much softer tone

Despite her often cold demeanor, she’d apologize, perhaps more out of obligation but still with a hint of genuine concern

Tilda would reassure you that you have nothing to fear from her, though her way of doing so might be more intellectual than emotional

"I didn’t intend to make you uncomfortable."

Alva (wlw if romantic)

Alva’s eyes would widen with concern, and she’d immediately stop whatever she was saying

Her voice would be soft and filled with remorse when she apologizes

She’d likely reach out to you, gently touching your arm or hand, seeking to comfort you physically as well as verbally

Alva would offer soothing words, reassuring you that you’re safe with her and that she never meant to hurt you

From that moment on, she’d be more conscious of her tone and actions during disagreements, ensuring that she maintains a caring and understanding approach

"I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you like that."

[sturnioloshacker]

midnight comfort - a matt sturniolo short

a/n: requested by anon; lowercase intended

summary: matt comforts you after you have a nightmare

in the quiet darkness of nick's room, i tossed and turned, trapped in the clutches of a haunting nightmare. waking up in a sweat, i look over to nick for help. seeing that he’s in a deep sleep tells me not to disturb him. desperate for some peace and comfort, i tiptoed across the hallway to matt's room, finding him surprisingly awake at 3 a.m.

startled, matt welcomes me in with concern, sensing the distress in my eyes. without a word, he wrapped her in a comforting embrace, understanding that words weren't always necessary.

“it was so scary, matt. i hate having nightmares, scare the shit out of me.”

“it’s okay, love. you’re safe with me now, i’ll protect you.” 

we crawl into his bed, cuddling up against each other. i feel matt’s arms snake around my waist, making me feel safe but also making my heart race. i’ve always had feelings for matt but i had to shove them back down as i was afraid that he wouldn’t feel the same way and it would ruin the friendship we have. we both try to fall back asleep but we’re so wide awake that we don’t know what to do.

“hey, you hungry?” he whispered in my ear, his hot breath sending shivers down my spine.

“a bit. are you?”

“yeah. mcdonald’s run?”

“mcdonald’s run!” i whisper yell.

we both put our shoes on and tiptoe our way out of the house and to the mini-van to make our way to the fast-food restaurant. sitting in the carpark under the stars, matt and i talked about our sweet dreams and not so beautiful nightmares. talking about my dreams made me feel safe and sound with matt, like i had finally found peace and comfort. 

“thank you for tonight, matt. if you weren’t awake, i would’ve had no idea what to do.”

“i’m always here for you, y/n. always. if you ever feel unsafe at night and i’m sleeping, shake me awake or just come in and wrap your arms around me.” he says, flashing that cheeky smile that makes me blush.

“thank you matt, you’re the sweetest.” i giggle, giving him a soft kiss on the cheek.

matt chuckles before leaning over the console to connect his lips with mine. his lips are so soft, like fluffy pillows. he pulls away, his cheeks turning rosy with excitement and embarrassment.

“i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to. if that made you uncomfortable, i apo-“

i shush him with another kiss, this time it’s more passionate and full of love and admiration. pulling away, we giggle at the newly found romance between us. now i understand the meaning of ‘actions speak louder than words’. we return home in the early morning light and we’re met with mischievous smirks from nick and chris.

“oooh, matt and y/n are holding hands!” nick cooed as he watched us enter the house with our fingers intertwined.

“aww, look at the two lovebirds!” chris added.

we laugh at their teasing and decide to kiss in front of them to get more of a reaction.

“ewwwwww gross! get a room!”