#I’m currently in a rough patch so we’re keeping things simple today!

[themissingmango]

[yourfavewriteress]

rocky road | jonathan toews

Teaser: “We gotta figure this out because I don’t want to keep fighting you every single day.”

Jonathan and I were currently in the middle of a rough patch. The Blackhawks weren’t doing as well as expected this late in the season. The transition from winter to spring was having its effects on my mood and migraines. Work is killing me everyday to the point where I hardly do anything once I get home except shower and get in bed. To top it all off, Jon and I have barely talked in almost two weeks, aside from the frequent bickering.

We have never been the couple that fights excessively. Jon isn’t the type to go back and forth over something small and petty. He doesn’t like to argue, he likes to talk. Whenever we crossed the line from having a conversation to bickering, Jon always suggested a pause to refocus the conversation and come to an agreement. Yet, lately our fights have been getting less conversational, and more unproductive. 

The one thing that attracted me to Jon the most when we first met was how quiet and driven he was. He was a man in all aspects of the word and I loved that. While I dealt with the stresses of my job, Jon knew that I couldn’t be the trophy wife that many guys in the NHL desired. Although his job is a priority for him, my own job is a priority for me. I never felt like I was taking care of him, or him taking care of me. We were partners who have mastered scheduling their lives around each other, and the condo we had moved into seven months ago. 

When I brought up our current relationship situation with my friends, they assured me that we were simply going through a phase “and, yes, even perfect couples like you guys have them.” I wasn’t unhappy with Jon at the moment, but we have definitely been better. 

As I prepared myself for another day at work, I made my morning coffee and checked over the day’s schedule. While I would be gone until around 7 today, Jon had a busy day until 9:30. My coffee was barely finished before Jon appeared, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

“Hey,” He mumbled, walking towards the refrigerator.

“Morning,” I responded. As I waited, all that could be heard in the kitchen was the coffeemaker and Jon’s movements. I poured my finished drink just as he spoke again.

“Did you turn the thermostat down last night?”

“Is it too cold for you?” I watched as he looked over at me.

“I’m kind of used to it at this point,” He responded.

“I did turn it down before I got in bed, why are you asking?”

“Can we compromise and keep it above 60?” 

“You live here, too, so if that’s what you want,” I shrugged.

“You really don’t have to be like that,” He sighed. “I’m just asking.”

“I’m not being like anything, Jon. Maybe you’re reading into things a little too hard.”

“You hog the blankets, which I don’t mind because I know you don’t do it on purpose. But it felt like the North Pole last night and I don’t want to get sick.”

“Oh, trust me, I know. We cannot let the star captain get sick when he has hockey to play,” I mumbled.

“Y/N,” He ran his hands over his face. “We gotta figure this out because I don’t want to keep fighting you every single day.” I didn’t say anything and Jon closed the fridge and looked at me. “You have to realize we can’t even talk to each other without arguing, right?”

“Mhm.”

“And, you don’t see that as a problem?”

I scoffed, rolling my eyes. “Are you seriously asking me that? I asked you a week ago to talk yet here we are.”

“I had a game that day,” He defended. “I had to focus on that.”

“I’m happy that you so boldly point out that hockey comes before me, especially when we’re both going through a tough time. But, what about the next day? I’m pretty sure you had two days off and we still haven’t talked.”

He looked down at the counter, “Hockey doesn’t come before you, you know that.”

“Say that to me when it’s actually true. Other than that, don’t lie to my face,” I grabbed my cup, moving towards the hallway. “I have to get ready for work.”

I walked back to our bedroom, going straight to the bathroom and closing the door behind me. I turned the shower on, beginning to get undressed. I sipped my coffee slowly as I let the water heat up.

As mature as I was, I knew I had my moments where biting my tongue would have been the better option. I would absolutely be respecting Jon’s wishes about the temperature of our room, because it was our shared space. But, he didn’t have to know that yet. Especially when I have already told him he could change the thermostat whenever he was uncomfortable.

I showered and brushed my teeth quickly, wrapping my towel tightly around my body. I exited the bathroom to see Jon buttoning his shirt. He looked up when I entered the room.

I moved to my walk-in, grabbing my clothes for the day. Rushing myself to get dressed, I stumbled around the closet for a few minutes. When I walked out, Jon was fully dressed, reaching into his bag.

“I’m not gonna be back tonight til after 8,” He said.

“I know,” I responded, brushing through my hair.

“Make sure you actually eat today,” He said, followed by the zipping of his bag. “I’ll see you later.”

“Bye.” I did my best not to frown as Jon walked out of our bedroom. 

In the past two weeks, I could count on one hand the amount of affection that we’ve shown each other. We used to kiss or be touching each other in someway at all times. But now, the only time Jon was within three feet of me was when we were in bed. I guess that’s a plus, that we still sleep next to each other. I would be lying if I didn’t notice the deliberate space between us under the covers, though.

As the front door closed behind Jon, I continued getting ready for work. Until I had to stop. 

Washing my coffee cup in the sink, I felt the familiar sensation in my eye and head, signaling the migraine to come. I groaned to myself, pausing to down a full glass of water. 

At the on-site of migraines, I always had a decision to make. I could either one, power through it and continue on with my day or two, call it and get back in bed. The frequency of my migraines increased with stress so I wasn’t surprised as my left temple began to pulse. Looking at the time, I had over an hour before I had to be at my desk and thirty minutes to leave our condo. Already feeling nauseous, I decided that today would be the day that I called it. I would have all day to recover, with Jon being gone, and I could get a much needed break from work and the world. 

After calling my boss and explaining the situation to her, she agreed before I even finished. Annoyed at the fact that I was already dressed and basically ready to go, I changed back into sleep clothes. I didn’t realize until I walked past the mirror that my sleep clothes consisted of one of Jon’s shirts and a pair of his boxers as shorts. 

Forcing myself to eat, I made a small breakfast of eggs and toast before climbing back under the covers in our dark room. In the past, I made sure to tell Jon when I was experiencing a migraine so that he knew. I wasn’t sure if it was anger towards him or my sleepiness but as soon as my head hit the pillow, I was out. No message to Jon. 

I spent the day in bed, slipping in and out of consciousness. Other than to use the bathroom, I stayed under the comforters as the sun set that afternoon.

I assume I slept through the entire day as I awoke to movement in Jon’s closet and the light on. I blinked a few times, trying to adjust my eyes after them being closed for basically over 12 hours. Jon walked out his closet and I watched as he looked around the room, his eyes landing on me.

“Hey,” He said, noticing that I was now awake. He moved closer to my side of the bed, crouched down so we were at eye-level. If my head hadn’t of been hurting, I would have noticed how close he was for the first time in awhile. He searched my face, “Are you okay?”

“I have a migraine,” I mumbled. 

“Did you eat?”

“A little,” I responded.

“You know you have to eat more than a little,” He said, standing up. “I’m gonna change and then I’ll make you something.”

“You don’t have to,” I sighed. “I’m sure you’d probably prefer to not be around me right now.”

“Not responding to that,” He called from his closet. “I always want to be around you, no matter what’s going on.”

I turned over in bed, pulling the covers back over me. “That sounded like a response, Jonny boy.”

The nickname slipped out before I could even think about it and when I looked back at him in his closet, he was smiling softly. I looked away just as I felt a smile creep onto my lips. It was the first time in a few days that our expressions towards each other were anything but annoyance or indifference.

“Can you see okay?” He asked after a few moments.

“Yeah, the aura went away a couple hours ago.”

“And, your head?”

“Pounding,” I said, simply. I heard Jon sigh before I felt his hand on my leg.

“Do you want to come downstairs to the couch?”

I nodded, moving to sit up. “How was practice?”

“Fine,” He shrugged. “Can we talk later though? I’ve been thinking a lot today.”

“I was being a bitch earlier, I’m sorry,” I admitted. “It was a simple request.”

“I’ve been an asshole for two weeks,” He responded. “This morning was nothing compared to that.”

He moved so that he was sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Hockey is tough right now, I get that. We’ve been through this before, Jon. Work is kicking my ass, too, and it’s overwhelming,” I said. “I don’t know why we’re clashing so much but we know how to communicate. I know how to talk to you and you know how to talk to me, but…”

“...But, we're still fighting,” He finished, nodding.

“I know I can be a lot, and you have to worry about not only me but your team, too. I can’t imagine how much stress you’re under right now but you have to let me know what you need or want from me. I can’t just keep walking on eggshells while I’m stressed myself. It’s not fair.”

“I know,” He sighed. “I didn’t realize how much I was pushing you away. I don’t ever want you to be walking on eggshells around me. You live here just as much as I do and I’m sorry for everything. I know I can forget to stop bringing hockey home with me every night and I’ve clearly been doing that. I’m not gonna make excuses for it because we already talked about this. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t care if you bring hockey home. Obviously, I would like it if I didn’t have to sit through hours of guys slamming into each other on the ice, but I would do it if it’ll be helpful for you. I don’t mind watching hours of hockey. I know it’s a priority for you right now, and I don’t expect that to change. But, we’re a team. I want to help so you’re not beating yourself up every single day.”

He smiled, “I know.”

“It’s not just you, I know I can be better, too. When I’m stressed, I know I can be a handful and a half and you’re an angel for dealing with it. I’m not easy to talk to and you still take care of me. I don’t deserve you.”

“You deserve the world,” He said. “But, I don’t care how much of a handful you think you are, I love you and that’s not gonna change.”

“I’m just sorry,” I mumbled, looking down.

Jon moved closer, pulling me into his chest. “I think you’re just being nice because your head hurts. I’m equally at fault for this, if not, more.”

I laughed against his chest, immediately regretting it as I was reminded of my migraine.

“I mean it,” I said once he pulled away.

“Okay, so we’re both sorry, and we’re both gonna do better, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Good,” He kissed me and I sighed against him.

“I missed you,” I said. “Even though we’ve both been here.”

“I missed you,” He smiled, pecking my lips again. “But, your head still hurts so dinner first.”

He helped me out of the bed, wrapping his hand around mine as we walked downstairs. 

“I’ll get you some water and bring it over,” Jon said as I sat down on our couch, leaning against the arm. I watched as he dimmed the lights in our apartment, looking over at me to hold up his thumbs in question. “Is this good for you?”

“Yeah,” I laughed softly. “Did you know the lights did that before you showed me this place?”

He nodded, smiling. “Thoughtful, eh?”

“I guess you could say that,” I shrugged. He walked over to me, handing me a glass of water.

“You don’t think I’m thoughtful?” He raised his eyebrows in question.

“I think you’re a sap when you want to be,” I laughed, making my head throb. I flinched, leaning back slightly.

Jon leaned in, pressing his lips to my temple. “Stop laughing at me, you’re making your head worse.”

I puckered my lips to him in response. He smiled, shaking his head while standing up straight. “You’re trying to distract me. I have to get you something to eat and then I’ll kiss you.”

“That’s unfair,” I whined.

“Once you eat, I promise you’ll have my full attention, baby,” He laughed. “So needy.”

“Hurry up, Jonathan. We have a lot of making up to do.”

[blancheludis]

Tagging: @tokky231

Fandom: Marvel, Avengers Characters: Tony Stark/Steve Rogers, James Rhodes, Pepper Potts, Bruce Barton, Steve Rogers Chapters: 20/?, Words: 110.711

Summary: Tony meets his soulmate under the worst possible circumstances. It is not just a kidnapping gone wrong. It turns out Steve and his gang picked him on purpose and they want some personal revenge. If only he had managed to say the words written on his soulmate’s arm before they threw him back out into the streets.

—

Sticking to his notes during a press conference is all nice and good, but that is not enough to prevent further disasters if they allow questions from the audience after the actual statement is over. It does not matter how clever Tony twists his words or how vague he keeps his answers, someone will always get under his skin. And if it is not a single voice in the crowd, it is the thundering mass of them, full of comments and questions cutting enough to topple empires.

Tony endured his first interview when he was only four years old. He has learned to navigate them. That does not mean he will ever get used to them either.

This conference was supposed to be about the new directions they are taking Stark Industries. About their communication program with the plan to develop their own smartphone, and the vague idea of going into green energy.

They all soak that up happily, speculating about the continued stock crash or whether Tony, as the former wunderkind, can pull off another miracle. That is not why they are here, though, why they are watching him with gleaming eyes. They do not want feasible business plans or promises for new jobs. They are simply here for Tony’s personal tragedy.

“We are making advances in green energy because even as my father started this company, human lives have been important,” Tony says, keeping his tone firm and serious as if all of this is already a done deal. “Back then, weapons were needed, but today, we hope to walk into a brighter future together.”

He barely hears the smattering of applause, too busy searching for the trouble makers, the faces twisted with the anticipation of causing mayhem, while hoping to see him flinch.

“Mr. Stark,” a man close to the front is calling out. “What about the rumours that your CFO, Obadiah Stane, has been selling weapons to terrorists?”

It does not surprise Tony that the entire world knows about this business by now. There is no such thing as a quiet scandal, not with the FBI swarming his tower. Everybody has been looking at them closely ever since he announced the end of their weapons manufacturing.

“I cannot comment on a running investigation, and Mr. Stane is currently unavailable.” That earns him a few laughs, although there is no mistaking the hunger behind them. “I can assure you, however, that Stark Industries is doing everything in its power to make sure none of our products are given or remain in the hands of enemies of the state.”

Too late, he notices that is as good as an admission of guilt. He rolls with it, keeping his head high and his expression clear.

“Do you really want to pretend you had nothing to do with Stark Industries’ crooked deals?” a woman shouts. He knows her. Christine Everhart. Likes to hit where it hurts. She looks hungry in a way that tells Tony it does not matter what he answers her. She has her mind made up and he will always be the villain in it.

“I did not know and I still do not the extent of any such possible dealing,” Tony says anyway, looking her right in the eyes, cataloguing every frown and scoff. “I am sure that there is not just a single perpetrator, but I would have never abided with a scheme that goes so fundamentally against the company policy that my father instated when he founded Stark Industries.”

Howard, despite his many flaws, has been a patriot. Even if Tony’s entire world has been turned upside down, he is not going to believe anyone telling him his father knew about this and let it happen.

Everhart apparently wants to see him bleed for she leans forward, preparing for another question. “Mr. Stane is your godfather. Do you –”

“Let me stop you right there,” Tony cuts her off unapologetically. “If the allegations against Mr. Stane are proven to be true, he is not considered family anymore by me or anyone working with Stark Industries.”

That if, of course, is purely for the public’s benefit. Despite his own warring thoughts where it comes to Obadiah, Tony does not think of him as family anymore already. How could he, when everything Obadiah has ever done was lie to him?

The excited murmur of the crowd and the flashing of cameras in front of him suddenly become too much. He is used to this, he should be able to handle a press conference full of hurtful questions without losing any sleep over it. He cannot, however. Not today. Not with how badly he is sleeping. Not with Obadiah still on the run and Tony seeing him lurking in every shadow.

“We are taking no further questions,” Tony says and takes an abrupt step backwards to underline his point.

He watches the group of reporters move like a hungry beast in front of him, rearing its head in disappointment at being denied its prey. Some of them will want to strike nonetheless, always out for blood.

Thor comes up next to him and escorts Tony off the stage, ignoring the cacophony of calls and questions behind them. He cannot make out any details but there is a recurring choir of How and Stane and accusations. He does not need to hear the exact wording for them to cut deep.

He is tired. These things used to be easier when he did not give a damn, when he flashed smiles and nodded all their outrageous questions away, not ashamed of his entire life being a scandal. That was when he was out drinking all night, being seen with new people hanging off his arm every day. That was when he did not have bigger things to worry about than his own amusement.

As soon as he is inside the car and the noise cuts off, Tony sighs in relief. A headache is building that he just knows he is not going to be able to avoid.

His phone buzzes, but Tony does not want to know who it is. Probably Pepper asking about why he has bowed out so quickly. She might be concerned about the company, but she worries about him too. Perhaps it is more bad news, though, and Tony could really do without that.

When it buzzes again, he pulls it out of his pocket and throws it carelessly on the seat next to him, staring resolutely in the other direction. Whatever it is, it can wait until he has gotten his breath back.

A moment later, Thor slides into the driver’s seat but turns around to Tony before he starts the engine.

“Are you all right?”

That is a question Tony has a definite answer to, but one he cannot possibly say out loud without ruining whatever composure he is still clinging to. A simple press conference should not hit him so hard. These people and their opinions mean nothing to him. Yet, their collective readiness to condemn him is like a festering wound he cannot top prodding.

It reminds him that he is not free of Obadiah, and perhaps never will be. He cannot simply cut out a part of his life just because it hurts. He cannot forget the years of trusting a man who was holding a knife behind his back all this time.

Instead of answering, Tony says, “I need a cheeseburger.”

He is not sure where that comes from, but his entire body reacts to the very thought of it. His stomach, which was until now occupied with fighting nausea, growls in sudden interest. Cheeseburgers remind him of college, of going out with Rhodey when they both needed a break from studying, of greasy fingers and happier days.

“We can order something in when we’re back at the tower,” Thor replies and Tony does not need to look up to know he is frowning.

“No,” he decides firmly, against all logic. “I don’t want to hide away in my penthouse while the police tear apart my company some floors down. I want to sit down on a sticky plastic bench in a rundown diner and eat an honest-to-god American cheeseburger.”

What he truly wants is to not be himself for a few hours. And slipping on sunglasses and tipping some lucky waiter an enormous amount of money so they will treat him like any other customer is the closest he can get to that at the moment.

“Since I am responsible for your safety, I must advise against that,” Thor says. He has still not started the car which Tony counts as a victory for some reason.  

“Since I’m your employer, I get veto power,” Tony counters, managing a light tone that he hopes does not convey how very desperate he is to not return to the tower right now.

Looking sternly at him through the back mirror is apparently not enough anymore, so Thor turns around and studies him for a long moment. Tony does not want to know what he sees. Make-up that does not cover his exhaustion from this close. The rough patches where he has bitten his lips bloody again and again over the past days.

Whatever it is, Thor gives in with a sigh. “As long as you don’t tell Pepper.”

It is an illusion that she will not find out, of course, but Tony simply nods happily. Nothing matters as long as he gets away for a few hours.

---

They choose a random diner, out of their way, with no prior connection to Tony. That is the compromise on which Thor allows them to stop. They do not make a Google search, they do not ask for directions. It is just a random stop on a random route. Nobody could know where they are. Nobody could have prepared for this. Despite Thor’s grumbling, they are going to be safe. Killing a man while he is eating a cheeseburger is most likely high treason, anyway.

Thor circles the block another time to make sure they were not followed before he parks the nondescript car, having refused to take any of Tony’s flashier ones.

When Tony opens the car door, he can almost smell the cheeseburger in the air already and feels the tension drain out of him in anticipation. They have not made a single step towards the door of the diner, when Thor perks up and then moves faster than Tony can react, pulling them both down to the ground.

That is when the first shot rings through the air.

Tony ducks behind the car, clinging to the arm Thor is holding before his chest for a moment. With his back pressed against the metal, he breathes, trying to dissuade whether his heart is racing too loudly or whether they are still getting shot at. Pieces of glass surround him that originate from the know broken car window right above him. If they had shot a moment earlier or aimed a little more carefully, Tony might already be dead.

How could they have known? Surely, Thor would have noticed if someone had come after them, which means they must have tracked Tony somehow.

Next to him, Thor moves to peer up over the car, which is followed by another gunshot. Tony flinches violently. He cannot believe his life has turned into this.

“We need to get out of here,” Tony hisses, his voice comically high. He feels panic settling in, grabbing for his heart with an icy hand, squeezing until his breath is shallow and too fast.

Thor shifts, turning his attention mostly on Tony for a second. “You need to stay low.” He looks so calm, Tony is profoundly glad to have someone that familiar close-by. At the same time, it does not help at all to see Thor handling this as if it happens every day, while he is losing his mind.

They need to alert someone, need to call the police. Tony reaches for his phone but finds his pockets empty. Of course, he left it in the car because he wanted to be unavailable for a few short hours. He wanted to avoid being alerted of any new emergencies. Fate must be laughing at him right now.

All is silent for a few precious seconds, in which Thor gets out his gun. The click when he releases the safety is almost as deafening as another shot. Mostly without looking where he is aiming at, Thor fires once himself, then chances another look. His expression, when he sits down again, is grim.

Tony’s brain, which is slowly regaining the ability to think instead of simply cowering, calculates the odds of Thor being able to keep whoever has been following them off with just the few bullets in that gun and no real vantage point. Their chances are not looking so good.

“Nothing is keeping them from closing in on us if they think we can’t defend us,” Tony says, trying to come up with a way they can get at least to the diner without being riddled with bullets on their way there. Although that would put civilians in danger, and Tony is not ready to add that to his conscience.

Thor does not pay him attention as he is trying to adjust the side mirror of the car to help him see what is going on. “And we can’t defend us if we don’t have cover.”

That is true to a certain point. One car, while being sturdy and at least bigger than Tony’s usual vehicle choices, will not keep them safe for long.

When his eyes fall on the way Thor’s fingers curl almost elegantly around his weapon, with nothing of the urgency Tony feels, he has an idea.

“Do you have another gun?” he blurts. Another magazine or two would be helpful too. He wonders whether there is a bodyguard protocol for being ambushed in a parking lot with an employer. If so, he would love to be clued in on it.

“What?” Thor abandons the mirror and looks at Tony, his gaze heavy but at the same time reassuring enough that Tony can take a deep breath and calm himself into thinking more rationally.

“Another gun,” he repeats with some urgency. “I used to make them, remember? I know how to use them too.”

Howard thought it would be a proper bonding experience to take his five-year-old son to the shooting range. While it did not help their relationship at all, it helped take Tony’s fear of the weapons they were building. He has shot at targets plenty of times. This is different, of course, but he will feel much safer with the means to defend himself.

“Have you ever shot at someone?” Thor asks. It does not sound like it is meant to discourage, just like he is carefully calculating whether the risk of getting another gun will be worth the benefit.  

It is questionable whether they will even see more than shadows shooting at them, so the chances of Tony actually hitting something are rather low.

“I’ll schedule my moral crisis for later,” Tony replies. His tone is just a little shaky.

Relief floods him when Thor nods. “It’s under the backseat. Stay where you are and take mine for the time being.”

Within nary a second, Thor hands his gun over to Tony, which weighs more than it has any right to, more than it ever did on the range, Scolding himself for his reaction, he tightens his grip around it, carefully angling it away from himself, ready to turn around and use it.

Meanwhile, Thor moves closer to Tony to be able to open the backdoor. Instead of just reaching in, it looks like he is about to climb into the car. Tony’s hand shoots out and holds him back, gripping the fabric of Thor’s shirt hard enough to turn his knuckles white.

“You can’t go into the car,” he says. It is a hiss more than a tempered argument- Even the few feet it would take Thor away from Tony and further within reach of the attackers are too much.

As if in answer, more shots ring out, making Tony flinch.

With a patience that does not fit their situation, Thor faces Tony. “I can’t hold them off on my own either.”

There is nothing Tony can say to that. It was his idea, but Thor has obviously come to the same conclusion that only one gun and no way to properly aim at whoever has come for them are far from ideal circumstances.

Tony nods tersely and watches as Thor slowly moves into the car while trying to not expose himself. He thinks about simply shooting over the car, but does not want to startle Thor or waste their precious bullets, so he stays quiet, waiting for some kind of resolution for this.

“Get my phone too,” he tells Thor in an urgent whisper as if their attackers are going to hear.

With his phone, he can call JARVIS who will send help and maybe find out more about who is pinning them down. If there is a camera nearby, he could even find out where they are. That would probably take too long, but Tony can dream of being helpful in any way while cowering against the side of his car, while waiting for Thor to emerge from it again.

It is taking too long. Looking at the gun in his hand, Tony attempts to calm his shaking fingers. Then he glances around the side of the car, too quickly to offer a good target. He does not see anything either, but another shot rips through the air. The bullet hits the pavement a few feet to Tony’s side but he knows how to take a warning. He stares at the hole it has left, unable to tear his eyes away.

Finally, Thor comes back out, clutching a gun and a full magazine in one hand and Tony’s phone in the other. He leaves the phone at Tony side before settling back against the car. He breathes more heavily than that manoeuvre warrants, especially since he still seems too calm. Only now does Tony notice that Thor moves strangely carefully like he has bruises. Beneath the suit jacket, he catches a hint of red.

“You’re bleeding,” Tony says, the words leaving his mouth before their meaning catches up with him.

Red means blood means Thor has been shot. He is going to have to watch a friend die right next to him before Obadiah’s men inevitably take him or kill him too.

“It’s nothing,” Thor says, although he does not quite manage to keep his tone even. “I’m not going to pass out on you.”

That does not help to calm Tony down at all. His mind turns from blank and frightened to racing and terrified. Thor is bleeding and there is nothing Tony can do. They are pinned down and exposed.

“You were shot,” Tony says, high-pitched and not even trying to stay calm. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Now that he has seen it, Tony cannot look away from the spot of read spreading over Thor’s side. Shifting, Thor tucks his jacket over it, but Tony does not think he will ever get that red out of his vision again.

“We’re a bit preoccupied at the moment if you hadn’t noticed,” Thor says, an urgency in his tone that finally reaches Tony.

No time to panic, Tony tells himself, even while his breathing turns shallow and his knuckles turn white around his phone and the gun. He needs to think of something. Something that will get them out of here and Thor into a hospital. Something that will end this.

He exhales, glances up at the splintered car windows as if he needs the reminder that this is real.

“All right,” Tony then says, much calmer than he feels. He turns to Thor, carefully keeping his eyes away from the wound. “Shoot at them. Don’t show yourself and you don’t need to be too accurate about it. I need a few moments.”

“What?”

Thor is not going to like this plan. Tony does not like it himself, but Thor’s wound does not leave them with many options. They definitely do not have the time to argue about it.

“Just do it,” Tony says and gets to work.

With practised movements, Tony takes his phone apart and gets out the sim card before putting it back together. He really should have invested in a portable panic button, but for now, this will have to do. Pulling off his left shoe, he hides the card inside his sock. It is far from a good hiding place but he does not have a fake tooth at hand or time to sew the card into his clothes.

He slides the phone over to Thor before looking up at him. This plan, he knows, is pure madness, but the occasional shot is not going to keep the bad guys from closing in much longer. The police might be right around the corner – someone has hopefully alerted them by now – but they do not have time. Thor is bleeding but alive for now. Tony wants to keep it that way.

“I need you to play dead,” Tony says, his voice a careful monotone. He keeps his eyes on his phone for a moment longer, unable to meet Thor’s gaze.  

“What are you talking about?” Thor asks, his incredulity mixed with just a hint of pain. That only reassures Tony that this has to be done.

Taking a deep breath, he elaborates. “I’m going to surrender and –”

“Like hell you will,” Thor cuts him off. The sharpness of his voice mollifies Tony somewhat, even if it does not actually make him reconsider. “This is what you hired me for. We won’t have to hold out for much longer.”

Tony refrains from asking how much longer Thor can hold out, Already, his mind is throwing numbers about gunshot wounds at him. Also, he does not think for a moment that their attackers do not know too that help must be on the way. They will hardly wait that long.

“I don’t think they want to kill me right here.” They could have thrown a small grenade or taken a higher calibre to shoot right through the car. Obadiah will not profit from a public execution and he has shown that he does not care for casualties. At least that is what Tony has to believe to get his legs to work.

“I have the chip, so JARVIS can track me. If you play dead, they should leave you alone. And then they’ll lead you right to Obadiah.”

As far as plans go, this has more holes than their car at the moment. Despite the risk, Tony needs to get Thor out of here. He does not care whether he hired Thor as his bodyguard, whether he should be the one that gets protected here. Thor is a friend, and he is Bruce’s soulmate, and he deserves better than to die for Obadiah’s stupid vendetta against Tony.

“You can’t –” Thor says, but Tony does not let him get any farther.

“Thank you, Thor.” Tony manages a smile, glad that this horrible situation at least gave him another friend. “Don’t let them shoot you again.”

Not wasting any more time, Tony holds up the hand with the gun, biting his lip as he waits for the inevitable bullet. Nothing happens, so he raises the other one and then, slowly, gets to his feet.

“Tony,” Thor hisses but stays down. “Stop this madness.”

“I surrender,” Tony calls out instead of answering. He does not have to put any effort in sounding shaken. He steps to the side, fully exposing himself. The hand with the gun trembles terribly as he puts it down on the ground for everyone watching to see.

For a long moment, nothing happens and Tony is sure he has miscalculated. They might line up the perfect shot to take him out at once. Then, someone moves out from behind a car on the other side of the street. They are masked and clad in dark clothes. It is not Obadiah.

“Tell your little friend to come out too,” the man calls, sounding cocky and cruel in a way that promises nothing good for Tony’s immediate future.

“He’s –” Tony looks to the side but aborts the movement halfway through. He feels Thor’s glare bearing into him, but Tony guesses he is going to follow the plan since he remains quiet. “He’s stopped moving.”

The man contemplates that for a moment before he nods. He has likely realized that they will be able to take Thor out no matter what.

“Come over here.”

Tony does. It might be the stupidest thing he has ever done but he is still not hearing any sirens and he feels like Obadiah is within reach for the first time in weeks. He just wants all of this to be over.

He walks. Small steps. He is barely able to feel the ground beneath his feet, but he sets one foot in front of the other towards the man who has a gun pointed at him.

Out of the corner of his eyes, he can see more movement now, more people coming out from behind cover. It looks like they really wanted to get him this time.

When Tony has almost reached his destination, he sees a sudden movement but by then it is too late to move out of the way. Something hits him in his upper arm. It was not a bullet, there is too little pain for that. Before he can reach up or take a step back, he feels his thoughts growing heavy and uncoordinated. Darkness wells up in front of his eyes. Then he is falling.  

[yastaghr]

Grey 8

Just finished the next chapter of Grey! You can find it on Ao3 here:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16555439/chapters/46290568

Or under the cut.

“what do you mean, “we’re not going upstairs”?” Stretch nearly shouted Blue out of the house when they finally arrived.

“EXACTLY WHAT I SAID. EDGE HAS BEEN THROUGH A LOT LATELY. HE IS IN NEED OF A REAL REST AND GOOD SLEEP. HE NEEDS TO BE ON THE BED FOR NOW,” Blue explained slowly, trying to make it easy to understand through the concussion.

Stretch growled. “so fucking rude. kicking us out of bed and forcing us to sleep on the cou-”

Blue interrupted him, “-STRETCH, IT’S HIS HOUSE. IT’S HIS BED. HE HAS MORE RIGHT TO SLEEP THERE THAN WE DO.”

Stretch roared at Blue, leaning over the top of him, “don’t you fucking dare to interrupt me! you know how I feel about that! ugh, why do you have to be so stupid? you’d think you could remember something as simple as that.”

Blue looked guiltily down at the floor. “I’M SORRY, BROTHER.”

Stretch frowned. “i don’t believe you. someone who was truly sorry would remember not to interrupt me. until you can make a believable apology you don’t deserve to sleep on the couch. You can use your emergency blanket and sleep on the floor.”

“YES, BROTHER,” Blue said quietly.

He pulled a patched woolen blanket out of his inventory and schlepped over to the corner by the vent. He laid out the blanket and wrapped himself up in it, angling his body so that the heat from the vent could still percolate into the rest of the room.

Stretch watched this with the barest hint of a smile on his face. It dropped into a frown every time Blue looked in his direction. Stretch had a lot of practice doing that. Anytime he got stressed or painful, this more vicious side of him came out. Blue was so easy to manipulate that he had no idea what his brother was capable of. But, what with the strange world, dust, and concussion, Stretch was definitely stressed and painful. And, to be honest, he would pull stunts like this even when he wasn’t stressed or painful. It was just...fun!

Stretch took the thick, lush blanket off the couch and set himself up to sleep in the superior comfort of the couch. It was actually quite soft. Definitely the better of the two options. Score.

-----

“no, this isn’t the right part,” Stretch said with fake exasperation the next day. “you’re not listening to me. i said i needed a hot plate, not an aluminum tube. here, i’ll even draw it for you so you know what it looks like.”

Stretch grabbed a piece of paper and started drawing the hot plate out. It wasn’t a very good drawing. He wasn’t very good at it, not like Blue was. Stretch really hated how Blue flaunted all of those things Stretch didn’t have. He had strength, the ability to clean, the ability to cook, the ability to draw; Stretch was jealous of so many of Blue’s qualities. Of course he could manipulate Blue into doing almost anything he wanted but that was irrelevant.

Edge took the drawing with a look of exhaustion. He said, “I’M SORRY. I’LL TRY TO GET THE RIGHT THING THIS TIME.”

“see that you do,” Stretch said dismissively, turning away from Edge to start fiddling with the machine.

Only when he heard the door to the basement click shut did Stretch turn away from the machine to get to work on his current project. He pulled the half complete drip coffee machine and started installing the aluminum tube that would run next to the hot plate in order to heat up the water to make coffee. Coffee was sacred in Stretch’s world, and he had gone too long without it. He absolutely couldn’t work on the machine any more until he had coffee in his system. Definitely.

-----

Blue’s greatest weakness wasn’t his small size or his broken shoulder. No, his greatest weakness was cleaning. He didn’t know what to call it, but whenever he started to clean anything he got stuck in what was almost a trance. Nothing got through; not words, not obstacles, not anything. The trance would last until he ran out of things to clean. Well, that and pain. Pain woke him up very quickly.

Pain was also Stretch’s favorite way to get Blue to stop. He basically had license to do anything he wanted to Blue, because Blue never remembered what had been done to him. Stretch had mastered the art of knowing just how much pain it would take. He liked living below it.

Today Stretch was having fun bumping and tripping Blue into every hard surface he could manage. Blue hit the walls, stairs, ground, and table multiple times. He was definitely going to have bruises in the morning. Unfortunately, this was getting to be about the right time for Edge to come home from his early-morning shift. Stretch didn’t want that dirty murderer to tattle on him to Blue. That meant it was time to wake Blue up for real.

Stretch arranged himself lazily on the couch and put one foot way out into space. Sure enough, Blue tripped over it and ended up sprawled on the floor. Stretch reached over and grabbed his hand, twisting it around itself until the bones creaked...and then some.

Blue yelped and tried to roll away from Stretch’s hold. The taller brother quickly let go and went back to casually lounging on the couch.

“hey, bro. you got into one of your funks again. it would creep anyone out, the way you move. i had to trip you to get you out of it. you’re lucky i’m here, otherwise edge would have seen you and gotten totally creeped out.”

Blue sat up, holding his good arm close and looking over the hairline fractures that were starting to bleed. Then he smiled weakly at Stretch and said, “THANK YOU.”

Stretch chose to say, “now, can you get me a thing of lasagna? i’m starting to feel a bit hungry. “

-----

The next day Edge was shuffling up the stairs to sleep in his bedroom when Stretch came out of the doorway. Edge wasn’t quite sure what happened after that. One minute he was on the stairs climbing towards his room, the next he was teetering precariously over the edge of the railing and about to fall six feet down to the ground below.

He was just about to fall when one small hand tugged him desperately back onto the staircase. He ended up sprawled on his butt. He slid down several steps before the friction was enough to slow him to a stop.

Edge shook his head and tried to calm his soul beat down from the frantic whine it had reached. He looked around and met the eyes of Blue, who was panting and sitting a few steps up the stairs from him. Blue smiled weakly and said, “I’M SORRY FOR THE ROUGH FALL. NORMALLY I’D BE ABLE TO SUPPORT YOU BETTER, BUT MY LEFT ARM STILL HAS A WAYS TO GO BEFORE IT’S FINISHED HEALING.”

Edge squeezed his hand gently. “THERE IS NOTHING FOR YOU TO FEEL SORRY FOR. I WAS ALMOST OVER THE EDGE; EVEN IF YOU HAD TWO GOOD HANDS, I WOULD NOT HAVE MINDED IF YOU GAVE ME A ROUGH LANDING. I COULD HAVE HURT MYSELF BADLY. DON’T FEEL DOWN FOR NOT SAVING ME PERFECTLY.“

Blue smiled a little more genuinely at that. “I’LL TRY TO KEEP THAT IN MIND. I’M GLAD YOU’RE OKAY.”

Edge smiled back at him. “FOR SAVING ME, LET ME MAKE YOU SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR DINNER. HOW DOES ROAST VENISON SOUND? I HAPPEN TO HAVE SOME THAWING IN THE FRIDGE.”

“THAT SOUNDS WONDERFUL! I’LL HELP YOU SAUTE SOME MUSHROOMS TO GO WITH THEM,” Blue offered.

Edge grinned. “PERFECT.”

-----

“STRETCH, I’M REALLY UPSET WITH YOU AND WE NEED TO TALK!” Blue shouted down the staircase to the basement the next day.

From the bowels of the basement came a grease-stained Stretch. His signature orange hoodie was starting to look like a melting jack-o-lantern. His pants were no better off, and his crocs were squeakier than usual. He looked rough and unimpressed.

“what’s got you in a snit this time, blue?” Stretch said, rolling his eyes.

Blue stamped his foot. “IT IS NOT A SNIT! I’M GENUINELY ANGRY WITH YOU FOR WHAT YOU DID TO EDGE. I SAW YOU BUMP HIM OVER THE RAILING YESTERDAY. YOU COULD HAVE SERIOUSLY INJURED HIM! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?”

Stretch chuckled. “there you go again, blue, making up stories to turn yourself into a hero. edge tripped all on his own. i was nowhere near him.”

“YES YOU WERE! YOU BUMPED HIM, AND HE-” Blue was cut off.

“-he’s your newest friend, isn’t he? another poor monster who you’ve decided to worship and rescue whenever you can. you always get like this. any time you make a new friend you turn on me. you love him more than me, don’t you?” Stretch accused.

Blue stood in shock. What kind of a question was that to ask your boyfriend and brother? Of course Blue loved Stretch...obviously. Why would he be dating him if he didn’t?

Apparently Blue’s shock lasted too long, because Stretch lost it. He snarled at Blue, shoved him, and threw a succession of punches at Blue’s ribcage. Bones creaked, cracked, and broke clean in two. Blue collapsed down on the ground and rolled into a protective ball. Blood stained the fresh snow.

Stretch stopped punching when Blue collapsed on the ground. He stared at his brother, at his fist, then at the blood in the snow. His face twisted into a mask of guilt. Under the guilt was a sick pleasure.

“oh stars, i didn’t mean to do that. my soul must have messed up the balance of anger again.”

Blue coughed weakly and smiled stiffly up at Stretch. “THAT’S OKAY, I’LL BE FINE. YOU GO BACK TO YOUR MACHINE. I’LL HEAD IN AND DEAL WITH THIS.”

Stretch left with only a sidelong glance at Blue. He headed back into the basement and shut the door. Only when Blue had heard the door click did he let himself go. Blue tears trickled down his face and stained the snow yet another color. He was bawling. The only reason he wasn’t wracked with sobs was his ribs. His brother had hit him. His brother had hurt him badly. And he hadn’t even tried to hide his lack of an apology.

-----

An hour or so passed. Edge came back from his morning shift to pick Blue up for training. He couldn’t find him inside, so he walked around the house to check the basement. What he found was a horror show. Red blood soaked the snow in a large puddle around the curled-up Blue. Edge could hear the crying from here.

He quickly knelt down in the snow, heedless of the blood that was soaking into his pants. He reached out one shaking hand and gently stroked Blue’s arm.

“BLUE? ARE YOU ALRIGHT?”

Instantly he regretted the question. Of course Blue wasn’t alright. He was crying in a pool of his own blood.

“...I’LL BE OKAY,” Blue said quietly. He sounded hoarse, probably from all the crying.

Edge hesitated. He needed to help Blue, but moving him might make any injuries worse. On the other hand it wasn’t safe to bandage Blue out here. It was amazing that no one had smelled the blood and come hunting for the free EXP. They needed to get inside where the wards and locks would protect them.

“BLUE, I’M GOING TO HAVE TO PICK YOU UP TO TAKE YOU INSIDE. IT’S PROBABLY GOING TO HURT, BUT WE AREN’T SAFE OUT HERE. CAN I DO THAT?”

Blue nodded. “GO AHEAD. I’M GETTING LIGHTHEADED, THOUGH. I MIGHT FAINT.”

“UNDERSTOOD,” Edge said.

He slowly slipped his arms under Blue to lift him up. Blue grunted, but he managed to stay conscious all the way into the house. Edge set him on the couch and quickly went back to lock and ward the door. Then he ran over and grabbed the medical kit and set to work. He ended up having to cut off Blue’s shirt. The sight that met him was horrible. It looked like Blue had gotten caught in a power hammer. There were so many breaks it was going to be impossible to put everything back together naturally.

“BLUE?” Edge asked, scared of what he was going to have to do.

“YES, EDGE?”

Edge breathed in a sigh. “I’M SORRY, BUT I’M GOING TO HAVE TO USE HEALING MAGIC ON THIS. MY HEALING MAGIC...IT HURTS A LOT. I’M NOT VERY GOOD AT IT.”

Blue smiled at him. “THAT’S OKAY. IT CAN’T BE ANY WORSE THAN MY ALPHYS’. IT FEELS LIKE AN ELECTRIC SHOCK, AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY. IF YOU NEED TO USE HEALING MAGIC, THEN GO AHEAD. THANK YOU FOR WARNING ME, THOUGH.”

Edge flashed a smile. “YOU’RE WELCOME. DO YOU WANT A TOWEL TO BITE DOWN ON? OR A STRESS BALL?”

“I’M GOOD. GO AHEAD AND DO YOUR WORST.”

Edge quickly set to work repairing the mess of a ribcage that Blue was left with. After a few seconds, Blue smiled. “I DON’T KNOW WHO TOLD YOU THAT YOUR MAGIC HURTS, BUT THIS FEELS FINE. IF YOU HAVE THE ENERGY WHEN YOU’RE DONE, CAN YOU HEAL MY ARM? I’LL NEED IT TO WARD OFF STRETCH. UM, I MEAN…”

Edge stiffened. “YOUR BROTHER DID THIS TO YOU?”

Blue looked guiltily down. “IT’S MY FAULT. HE ASKED ME IF I LOVED YOU MORE THAN HIM AND I DIDN’T ANSWER FAST ENOUGH.”

“THAT’S NO REASON TO HIT YOU, LET ALONE DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS. AND THAT’S A VERY UNFAIR QUESTION FOR HIM TO ASK. YOU CAN LOVE MORE THAN ONE PERSON AT A TIME. IT SHOULDN’T BE A CONTEST.”

Blue looked up at him, fresh tears rolling down his face. “IT’S HIS SOUL. A LONG TIME AGO OUR BABYSITTER TRIED TO SLICE HIS SOUL IN HALF. HE CAN’T REALLY CONTROL HIS EMOTIONS ANYMORE.”

Edge was unimpressed. “BULLSHIT. EVEN IF HE DOES HAVE EMOTIONAL ISSUES, THAT IS STILL NO EXCUSE TO HIT YOU. I’VE GOTTEN ANGRY WITH RED IN THE PAST. FURIOUS, EVEN. I NEVER HIT HIM. HITTING SOMEONE IS A CHOICE. HURTING SOMEONE IS A CHOICE. HE SHOULDN’T BE MAKING THAT CHOICE OVER THIS. YOU NEED TO TELL HIM THAT HURTING YOU IS NOT OKAY.”

“I’LL...THINK ABOUT IT, OKAY?” Blue said. His eye sockets blinked a few times. “RIGHT NOW I JUST WANT TO SLEEP.”

Edge nodded. “GO AHEAD AND SLEEP, THEN. I CAN HANDLE THIS BY MYSELF. I’LL WAKE YOU WHEN IT’S TIME TO EAT.”

Blue soon drifted off to sleep. Edge sighed out his worry and continued to heal.

[kinkyacademia]

Heya Mod Pasta! Hope you’re well! Could I request a kind of love/hate or lust/hate competitive relationship between Powerloader and an s/o who’s also a costume designer but who’s costumes are pretty avant- garde. Like they both respect the hell out of each other but also can’t stand each other’s costume tastes. Thank you!! 🌺

This is saucy. Hey, has anyone considered that I would give one of my left toes for Iida x Midoriya? Now, now, let’s not fret, I would give the left half of my body for Villain!Iida x Villain!Deku.Btw I might not respond to all of my old requests? I barely have any villain ones, and I’m really feeling villainy lately.OKAY OKAY BUT: “power loader? Power… power THRUST, a loaded THRUST”

-Mod Pasta🍜🍝

Your favourite thing to do with Maijima was to drive around town and simply enjoy the sights. The drum of the engine was soothing the the both of you, and he was more than willing to jump to anyone’s aid if there was a villain attack.

Oh, and of course you were ready as well with your micro tech. Maijima cursed it to all hell, saying “things shouldn’t suddenly appear out of no where!” You still fought with him, hand in hand, but the aftermath of your bickering never left the city in one piece. You still patched each other up, albeit giving a couple lashes out when possible, and had some great anger/make up sex afterwards.

And this was one of those times. After a rather large villain had attacked the city, you and Power Loader were called out to fight. You rushed out of the door with a couple devices attached in just under two minutes, while you had to wait a couple more for him to strap in and activate his machine, “Jesus, just imagine how many civilians are being crushed under rubble right now! I swear, I WILL fucking go without you!”

“And you wouldn’t be able to save ‘em, eh? Just go fight, it’s a better sight than you yelling!” He grabbed the controls, glancing one time down at you before jumping off. You quickly caught up with a scowl, and he was snickering to himself, that bastard. Your support items kept your speed up with his own, and you latched onto his hero suit; it’s how you usually would travel during a crisis like this.

“Oi, I can pull people out of rubble just as, if not faster than you! You’re in a block of metal, for Gods’ sake!” You looked around for the issue, trying to spot the street you were called to.

“Oh, really, with those small little gadgets? Give it up, you’re making up for the lack of a flashy quirk with some flashy shit,” he snapped, and you pointed him in the right direction when you saw something black crash into the top of a building. He muttered to himself as he shifted gears.

“Give it up, you’re just jealous that they’re the largest thing attached to me,” you laughed luxuriously at his gaping, offended mouth as the warm air rushing past you came to a sudden halt. You had arrived at the scene of the crime, and you jumped off to find the villain and the pro hero you usually worked with as Maijima instantly went to the calls of the wounded.

“This conversation is not over,” he threw over his shoulder, and you felt a rush of adrenaline at his words.

-

You yawned as you fixed a simple dinner (practically breakfast with how late it was) for Maijima and you. He had been injured in the fight, and you were home a lot earlier than him. He wasn’t going to be in the hospital for long, so you thought the least you could do was not grace him with your presence after his surgery and just fix some food up.

Just as you finished and played yourself, the front door opened. You waited for him to shout “I’m home!” But it never came, just a small groan of pain. You quickly put your food down on the counter, far from his dog, and rushed to find him slumped against the wall of the foyer. He had bandages around his shoulders, mid-section, and left lower leg. You felt a pang of sympathy for him, “Hey, hey don’t push yourself, how can I help?”

“I’d really… REALLY love some of whatever yah made,” he chuckled, wincing in pain. You helped him to the table, scolding him you endangering himself.

“I’m just glad you’re home. What the hell-WHO the hell did this to you?” You ate furiously, and he picked at the food as he told his story of absolute shitty heroics. He couldn’t have a shirt on for the next couple days until his shoulders healed, which wasn’t that bad since he never wore one in the first place, but he also had to wear shorts as not to aggravate his leg wound. His current shorts were torn to hell, and you realized that at least part of his story was the full truth.

“And the building came down like a skyscraper - you saw it, eh? Yeah, well I was directly fucking under it, and that villain used his quirk to crush the top- hey, pay attention to me!” He whined when you pulled your phone out to text a friend. You eyed him, smiling and then continuing, “Oi, when I said our conversation wasn’t done, I meant it asshat.”

“Oh, and where would you like to continue? At “this is the biggest thing on me,” you flashed a bracelet that could unfurl into a fully loaded machine gun, “or your block suit that’s currently out of commission in the garage?” Your disappointed gaze betrayed your curiosity.

“Let’s start with: that’s NOT the biggest thing attached to you, and you know it, so stop making fun of my height,” he snapped, taking a rather large bite of food and accidentally crunching on the fork. He quickly grabbed his jaw, moaning in pain before sighing and shaking his mat of ginger hair out of his face.

“Right, your height,” You snickered, and he gaped in offense.

“Alrigh’ alrigh’, I was giving you the benefit of the doubt, but you seriously were-? Fuck, do I have to prove-? Fine, fine, just let me shower after dinner,” he mumbled to himself as he shoved food into his mouth. You blinked in surprise- he was serious about that? It was just a joke… His determined expression gave you a feeling that he was not kidding about plowing you down even in his roughed up shape just to prove his point about his dick size.

Well, that was one way to go about it, “Really? You’re out of commission, Maijima, not happening. Your inadequacies are going to get you even more injured,” you growled, glaring at his flushed cheeks and narrowed dulled blue eyes.

“I suggest, (F/N), that you consider not insulting your boyfriend before battle,” his eyes flirted over to lock with yours, causing your stomach to instantly flush with butterflies. He still did that to you, “I’m still riled up and full of fight. I’m not taking it out on the punching bag,” he pushed himself up, putting his plate in the sink and then grabbing your shoulders roughly with his large hands, leaning down to whisper in your ear, “Leave the shitty gadgets behind this time, won’t you?”

-

You were changing into pajamas when the wooden bedroom door opened. He came out in a towel, skin tinted pink with hot shower water (the only thing able to get off the amount of grime he accumulated every day), but he pulled it off to dry his hair off a bit before throwing it at the hamper. You scowled; he would be the death of you, dammit, “Hey, pick that up-“

“Nope, bedtime,” he pushed his fluffy ginger mat back, stifling a yawn as he stretched his arms. He winced in pain, but his shoulders were already looking better. You raised an eyebrow, reaching for your book slowly in hopes that he still wasn’t serious about the sex. He was wrapped half like a mummy for gods’s sake!

Nope. He pushed your book away from you, climbing overtop and sinking into the fuzzy white blanket. He glared with disapproval, “You’ve got to learn to take me seriously.”

“Not when you say your inventions can protect you from falling buildings,” you snapped back, and he grit his teeth as he narrowed his eyes.

“Don’t you fucking dare-“

“Oh, I fucking dare, Maijima, I do. You told me “oh, everything will be fine, it’s just a couple starter villains!” And look at you now. Just…” you lightly pushed on his shoulders, trying to get him to let you take over, “Let me ride you, we’re not going back to the hospital.”

“Mmm, it doesn’t look like I feel like doing that today, huh sweets?” He purred, leaned down to capture your lips with his own. You begrudgingly kissed back, grabbing his jaw instead of his arms as you usually would. As his hands began to wander down you body, he pressed on, heating the kiss up. You managed to get a couple words in between the breaks, though.

“You wouldn’t… have gotten hurt… if you just used my…” you pulled back into him, and he stopped you by pulling your shirt off and diving down to greedily grope, nip, and suck on your breasts.

“Mmm, I think I woulda been crushed to a pulp,” he chuckled, and you growled in distain.

“Fuck off, you’d have dodged everything in time,” you pulled lightly on his hair, and he responded with something akin to an animalistic purr. You looked down to his naked body, admiring his hardened erection that looked much too painful to keep unattended. Your skin warmed up in want and desire as you mumbled profanities. Damn he was good with his mouth, “Maijima, just shut up and fuck me.”

“I thought you’d never have the audacity to say it,” without missing a beat, he pulled your bottoms down with your panties, not giving a second thought to preparation when he saw how turned on you already were. You knew he wouldn’t give up the moment he got home, all your prior words of resistance were just banter. This was your relationship, and you wouldn’t trade it for anything else.

He climbed back up, and you wrapped your trained, lithe legs around his lower back to avoid the fresh bandages. You stared into his piercing, bright eyes as he aligned himself with you. You wrapped your arms loosely around his neck, smirking at his deep blush. In all honesty, his switch nature was probably wanting you to take over, but his pride wouldn’t allow it.

“Shut up,” he thrust inside you, and your breath caught as you bit your lip. He paused, letting you take a second to adjust. When he started to pull back, he hummed in content, “Well isn’t that a pretty sight?”

“Head your own words, asshole,” your hands dropped to his chest, and he rolled his eyes as he started out slowly.

“Hey, that’s not what we agreed on, isn’t anal a weekends thing with us?” He tipped his head to the side, his hair falling onto your breasts. This caused you to snort, chuckling.

“I swear, I will get a strap on one of these days,” you leaned up, and he leaned down for you to kiss. Instead, you bit his cheek, sucking on the mark as his eyes widened, blush deepened, and a whimper escaped his lips. Damn you, damn you… he just couldn’t get enough of your tricks, gadgets and otherwise.

“In your dreams,” he was already panting from feebly struggling against you, and you pulled him down by the jaw for a quick, hard kiss.

“Harder, or I take over Mai,” You warned, and he blinked in surprise before realizing that he had slowed down to a snail’s pace. He quickly sped up, placing his elbows on the pillow on either side of your head. You moaned in satisfaction, each of his thrusts moving your hands and causing them to brush over his nipples, a small soft spot of his. You had wanted this to be quick, but now that he had started, his point was proven loud and clear; you definitely didn’t want this to stop.

The friction, the movement, every pant felt surreal as you grinded your hips into each of his thrusts. He was also conscious of your needs, propping himself differently every minute and shifting his hips until he found the perfect spot to have you screaming. He hadn’t intended on being so rough tonight, but things just happen, eh? When he began to ruthlessly plough you into the mattress, your soft touches became kitten scratches across his chest.

“F-Fuck… Maijima…” You muttered, your voice fading into a loud moan. He simply grunted in response, too focused to really reply. You loved every part of him, and as the knot inside the both of you grew, you let him know through broken words, “You’re so deep, shit, mmmm, right th-yes, please,” you both were a mess of tangled legs and lost glances. He occasionally locked eyes with you and gave you a quick kiss, but he liked to hide his face in your collarbone and suck on it to let himself focus, not unlike how he would suck on the end of pens while he worked on his costumes. It always left a nasty hickey.

When everything became too much, you warned him with a high-pitched sigh. He felt you tense around him, clenching around his length. He quickly finished himself, letting go of your collarbone to whisper, “So, are you going to take everything back, or?…”

“Fuck - fine, sure,” You mumbled angrily, wrapping your arms around his back. He pulled back to nuzzle into your cheek, then peck you with a victorious smile.

“Birth control?” You quickly leaned over to the nightstand, opening and pulling out the pills to take it. He chuckled, awkwardly waiting for you to finish. Your phone’s reminder had gone off a while ago, thank gods he had the memory of an elephant. On that note, his next words made you splutter even worse, “I think those wristbands are actually very pretty, you know.”

“If you’re looking for me to compliment-” You started, but he cut you off with a shake of his head as he pushed himself up and walked over to your dresser, grabbing a towel. You admired the view from the back, smiling unconsciously as things cooled down.

“No, listen, what if you made a whole suit? That would be hard, yes, but then we could match,” You hummed to yourself at his suggestion, mulling it over as he pulled on a pair of flimsy boxers, “Besides, you’re always hot in battle.”

“You still look like a block, but I guess our amazing suits could have great bionic sex,” You grinned, waiting for him to see your expression. He slowly turned to you, his face practically blue in horror.

“And this is why we aren’t married yet,” He whispered, causing you to laugh. Eventually he joined you; not only laughing, but in bed after changing the sheets.

[natural-twenty]

So I’m in a D&D campaign with my friends. I play a dark elf bard named Gleamwind. I kept getting told to write a backstory so I eventually caved. And then it turned into an actual story?? I don’t know. I’m posting it here because I’m happy with how it turned out and Gleamwind has turned into my favorite D&D character.

Important information:

Fexas is the region dark elves come from. They are generally chaotic neutral.

Fexans all have deep southern accents

High elves have been known to come down from the mountains and steal Fexan children.

Gleamwind physical description:

Hair: Straight, white. Goes down to pec level. Usually keeps it down and behind his back, though he’ll let someone braid it if they want to.

Eyes: Honey, with flecks of yellow

Face: Masculine, but soft.

Body type: Lithe, like a swimmers build. So some muscle, but not like a gymrat or anything.

Height: 5'7" 

“I always liked lis'nin to my momma's songs. Truth be told, they weren’t pretty, and they weren’t quite right, but it was her, and it was home. Been awhile since I last went back; I s'pose I should be visitin' again but… I don’t know. I can’t yet, ya know? Not yet. I made him a promise and I intend to keep it.” He reached for his pint and downed what remained. “Well, I reckon it’s time for me to get back on stage. I’ll see ya around.” Winking at the drunken patron, Gleamwind grabbed the lyre and pan flute he kept on hand and walked to the front of the tavern.

He took a look around at the location he's been playing at for the past few nights. It certainly isn't the largest, but the clientele is nice and the food is delicious, especially after being on the road for a week.

“WINDYYYYYYYYYYY. WINDY PLAY THE *hic* PLAY THE, THE FAMILY SONG.” A drunken voice shouted from somewhere in the crowd.

“Now now, ya know I like to end the night with that, and I’m not quite done yet. But don’t you worry your pretty little selves, Gleamwind knows how to keep ya satisfied. I think I've got one more piece before I wrap up. Feel free to join in if ya know it.”

He started singing, his words flowing energetically through the air:

“In the field, you know her well,

The gnomish lass,

And her big fat…heart.

The men would come to dance and play.

They come to throw their woes away.

They'd come to try to have a chance.

At the gnomish lass.

With the big fat…heart.”

His song, though crude, sounded as sweet as honeydew. It was almost cruel how rough Gleamwind's instrumental playing was in comparison. It was by no means bad, and could honestly sound quite pleasant if he sat down to play a slower song. But if he were to play a faster, jovial song? Well, you were there for the atmosphere he created and the smooth baritone of his voice, not the instrument.

Too soon the song came to its conclusion, the audience finally joining in for the final lines:

“So come to the field.

She’s waiting there.

The gnomish lass,

With the big fat…” Gleamwind cut out, letting the crowd finish the song. “ASS.” And they sang, as they always did, that.

He chuckled at the crowd, “One day y’all will say heart. It’s gonna happen.”

“FAMILY SONG, FAMILY SONG.” The crowd started chanting, their drinks pounding against the table.

“I said I’d play that next, didn't I? And just so y'all have it right, it’s called 'A Family, A Home.” It actually started out as what my momma sang to me when I was younger. And as I grew I took it and made it my own. Hope y’all enjoy it.”

Gleamwind's fingers danced across his lyre's strings as he started his song. It was as much a song as a story, a story of family. A story of love and of life. It was a story of him. He sang it with yearning in his heart and longing on his tongue.

Gleamwind likes to say that he was born with a lyre in his hand and a song on his tongue. Firelight, his mother, and Chillstone, his father, like to say that he screamed a lot. He preferred his version. It wasn’t that he was bad at singing. He, luckily, did not take after his mother. It was just that singing wasn’t a very public thing to the Fexans. Yes, bards would pass through and perform at the taverns. And yes, a mother would sing her child to sleep. But a Fexan growing up to be a traveling bard? Well, the idea was silly. It wasn’t like being a bard would be shame to the family or would get you laughed at. It was just known that a Fexan would not be a bard.

Gleamwind did not agree with this. He told his parents as much.

“Hush now, darling. Put down the strings and pick up an axe.” Firelight would tell him.

“But, Momma!” He would whine back. “I wanna sing and play!”

“Your mother’s right, son. Listen to her.” Chillstone would always reply. “We’re not always gonna be around. How are you going ya protect yourself if'n you’re off playing with that silly lyre?”

“I still could! Didn’t you see the bard who came through town yesterday? He could do magic!”

“Hmph, parlor tricks.” His father rolled his eyes, then bent down and ruffled Gleamwind’s hair. “You know we love you, and if you end up going down this path we’ll always support you. But think hard about it.”

“I know…”

-----------------------

Starbright was Gleamwind’s first love. She had hair the color of twilight that fell down to her hips. He would braid it for her, his fingers dancing through her locks.

“I should grow my hair out someday.” He would sigh.

In reply, he would always hear “That someday could be 'today,' you know.”

They were not together long enough for anything physical to manifest between them, but he still held her in his heart all the same.

-----------------------

Flownight was the first that Gleamwind laid with. Gleamwind would serenade him with songs of love, and in turn Flownight would hum, letting his hands idly running up and down Gleamwind.

But they wanted different things, and they too parted.

-----------------------

“Windy, Windy come on!” His younger brother and sister yelled in tandem. The twins, barely children, chased after the butterfly they had spotted the moment prior.

“Hold yer horses I’m coming!” He chased after the two spirited youngsters. “You two have too much energy for me.”

“You’re just old!” The girl responded.

“Why I never! What a blow, from my own sister.” He dramatically raised his hand to his head, before realizing where they were. “Breezemare, Ashdusk, stop. We need to go back. Now. It isn’t safe.”

While they were still children, Breezemare and Ashdusk knew to listen to their brother. Halting in place, they turned.

“What’s wrong?” Breezemare asked.

“Yeah, it’s just the mountains. We’ve been here tons of ti-“

“Well, well, look at what we have here.” A sharp timbre cut off Ashdusk, followed by a high elf walking out from the patch of trees shortly ahead of them. On his hip rested a shortsword.

“Breeze, Ash, get behind me.” Gleamwind grabbed his siblings arms, pulling them away from the stranger.

“Now that won’t do! I’m just saying hello.” He drew his sword from it’s scabbard.

Gleamwind yelled, and then prayed that his child self was right. He snapped his fingers, conjuring a bright flash of light in front of the attacker’s eyes. Grabbing his brother and sister under his arms, he ran as fast as he could back towards his village.

He burst through the door to his house, the children crying in his arms.

“Breeze? Ash? Gleamwind, what happened?” His mother exclaimed, looking from frightened face to frightened face.

“A high elf *huff* tried attacking us near *huff* the mountains.” He responded, taking deep gulps as he tried to regain his breath.

“He, he had a sword.” Breezemare sniffed.

“He wanted to take us!” Ashdusk cried.

“Thankfully I was able to blind him for long enough that we could run away.”

His father pulled everyone into a tight embrace. “I’m so happy you’re alright.”

---------------

“Momma, Dad…I think I need ta go.” It had been three weeks since the accident, and his family was still a bit shaken.

“Darling, what do you mean?” His mother questioned.

“I feel like I have so much potential. I saved X and Y with what little I know, think what I could do if I could travel and learn more! I love you and Dad, but Fexas isn’t suited for what I need.”

“You’re sure you don’t want to stay? I’m sure there’s room for you with the carpenters still.”

“No ma, this is what I am.”

“I’m assuming you’ve packed and all already?” His father inquired.

“Of course.”

“Then alright. We trust you, son.”

“Thanks Dad, Momma. I love you. And,” he bent down, ruffling the hair on his siblings' heads, “I love you two squirts.” Addressing his entire family, he told them “I promise I’ll come home. And when I do, I'll be strong enough to protect everyone. You four and all of Fexas. I promise.”

“Bye, Windy.” His siblings hugged his legs, crying.

And with that, Gleamwind left his home behind.

+ Events of the campaign that I’m currently in occur. +

Gleamwind’s voice grew fainter as he reached his song’s close, until at last the only sound that could he heard was the soft sniffling of a handful of the tavern's patrons.

“Well I reck'n that I've reached my end for tonight. Was a pleasure playing for y’all. Be sure to come back tomorrow night to hear some more.” He stepped off the stage, making his way back to the bar.

“Now look what you've gone and done! Nobody likes a sad drunk, Windy.” The barkeep jested as she passed a mug to Gleamwind. “If I have to clean up another dwarf's drunken teary snot from my tables…”

“Oh please, you know I gotta finish with that. Besides, you love it.” He flashed a grin at the barkeep, causing a faint blush to appear on her otherwise unmarked skin.

“Hmph, let’s see you clean up after this then.”

“Now let’s not get too hasty, darlin'. I’m just a simple bard. I couldn’t possi-“

“Oh my goooood, Windy.” A shrill voice cut him off. “That was amaaaaazing.”

Oh joy, not again. He thought, turning to the interrupting voice and plastering a smile on his face. “Well thank ya, Miss…?”

“Yennefyr. I adored your performance.” She sat down in the stool next to Gleamwind. “I was hoping you’d be amenable to give me a more…personal show?” She batted her eyelashes, the flirtation in her voice heavy.

“Well, Yennefyr, if you truly enjoyed the show then you'd realize that I’m not interested. Thank you for the offer, but no.” He denied the young half-elf, turning back to his drink. He felt a hand on his thigh, moving slowly upward.

“Are you sure? I think we could have a lot of fun.” Her chest was pushed out, the hand moving like a snake towards his center.

“I would be more than pleased to share a drink with pleasant company, but I have no interest in what you’re offering.”

“But-“

A deep voice cut Yennefyr off, the owner’s thick arm wrapping itself around Gleamwind’s shoulders. “Your performance was spectacular as always, love.” Gleamwind took his eyes away from Yennefyr to take note of the newcomer. He was a half-orc, probably a foot taller than himself, with short-cropped red hair.

“Ah, well, yes. I’m glad you could make it.” Gleamwind managed to stutter out.

“I wouldn’t miss it. And who might you be?” He directed to the half-elf, who was silently withdrawing her hand.

“Just a fan. Thanks again, Windy. Find me if you ever want something a bit”, she grimaced at the half-orc, “more petite.” With a wink, she fled.

Gleamwind let out sigh. “Thank god. I hate when they don’t understand. Thank you, by the way.” He addressed his new companion, who had by then taken the seat left behind by Yennefyr.

“You looked like you could use the help. People like her don’t seem to understand that sex isn’t always on the table.” He stuck out his hand. “I’m Asarak.”

Gleamwind smiled and returned the handshake. “A pleasure.” With a quirked eyebrow and a smirk, “Your voice seems a bit higher than a moment ago, ‘love’.”

“Yeah, well…” Asarak muttered out, rubbing the back of his neck. “People seem to expect the big scary half-orc to be gruff. It’s much too easy to just play to that.”

“Well, Mr. Big and Scary, let me buy you a drink. As a thank you for stepping in.”

The corner of Asarak's mouth pulled upward. “I’d like that.”

[jessiesresources]

Jessie’s Guides: How to Live Better With Depression (AND Anxiety)

Let’s face it, we’re all humans, and humans make mistakes, unhealthy choices, and do crap that can be harmful to us.

So, in this post I will be giving you some tips on life in general based off my own life!

Before we begin, however, I’d like to note a few things! One, what works for me may not work for you, always keep this fact in mind. And Two, I’m not a mental health professional, so take the info I’m giving you with a grain of salt!

Now let’s go!

1. Create a Support System/Team

Creating a support system is a great thing to do, I’d recommend at least three people to be a part of it. I only have two people at the current time, but let me give you some examples of who could be in your support system:

Your Therapist

Your Parents

Your Grandparents

Other Relatives

Friends

People in Group Therapy (If you’re in group therapy).

You can even ask your therapist if their office has peer support, if they do, I’d recommend you’d at least try it out! (Don’t know what Peer Support is? Here’s a Wikipedia Article!)

My current support system contains my dad and my therapist, both to which I talk to about my depression and anxiety. (And a quick note here, using your support system is great, but make sure you also talk about positive stuff going on in your life, constant listening to depressed thoughts isn’t exactly the best thing to do! Just a little bit of advice.)

For those who are not enrolled in therapy, whether it’s due to financial reasons or personal, I strongly recommend you create a support system specifically. I’m not going to say that it’s a replacement for a therapist, but It’s good to know you’re not alone in the midst of it all.

2. Create Your Toolbox

Okay, so what I mean by “Toolbox” is basically your coping skills, don’t just have one to rely on, have several! Try different things, be experimental! To start you off I’ll give you a small list of example coping skills:

Breathing Exercises (Here’s some!)

Meditation (23 Meditation Techniques) 

Exercise

Writing

Doodling/Art

Sewing/Knitting

Anything Creative Really

Listen to Music (Calming, Classical, Ambient Sounds, etc.)

Fidgeting Toys (Amazon Best Sellers)

Organizing/Cleaning

Aaaand so on! These are only some of the things that you can do, I highly encourage you to be experimental like I said earlier!

(ALSO, here’s a list of 99 Coping Skills!)

3. NEVER Procrastinate

We’ve all done it at some point, we’ve all procrastinated at something. I’m here to tell you that you should NEVER procrastinate something when you have anxiety! Anxiety is like a little seed, and the water helping it grow is your procrastination, if you continue to water it, what do you think will happen???

It’ll grow, and it’s just going to keep growing until the situation feels much bigger than it really is.

So, please, if you try anything on this list, please take this advice! It is by far the most important one in my eyes.

4. Routines

Routines can be good when you have depression because once you’ve started it, and formed a habit, it’s hard to break it. It takes around 21 Days to turn something into a habit, and during those 21 Days, it’s gonna take a lot of effort and a whole lot of discipline to get it done.

But when you DO form the habit, once you’ve got a routine going, it’s totally worth it.

Let me give you an example of what a morning routine looks like, or to be more specific, mine at the moment. There’s no real time limit on when these things should be done, but I do aim to have these things done by 10:30 AM. I also give myself a 3 Hour time period to get up, three alarms at different times (7:30, 8:30, and 9:30) because it does take me a while to actually get up lol.

But, notes aside, let’s jump into what my routine looks like!

Wake Up/Turn Off Alarm

Wash Face

Grab a Bottle of Water

Put on Temporary Clothes

Open Blinds

Make Bed

Do Online Stuff (Check Emails, Check Tumblr, etc.)

Fix/Eat Breakfast

Take Pills

(Optional) Set up Pills for the Week

(Optional) Get More Water

Brush Teeth

Exercise

Shower/Misc. Hygiene Stuff

Change Clothes

Check off My Daily To Do List

I know, it seems kinda long, maybe even a little bit complicated. But, this is my routine! Your routine can be as complicated or as simple as you want, it’s your life so you can decide on how you go about it.

5. Planning

Planning can help some people, while with others not so much. For me, I’m kind of like halfway in the middle of it all. I can’t really do specific schedules (For example: Writing at 4:00PM, Lunch at 12:00PM, etc.) but what I can do is take a task and say, I’m going to get this done today. The only time limit is just that I have to get it done at the end of the day.

So, experiment with planning, see what works for you! If you don’t have a physical planner, but you do have a google account, try out google’s calendar!

6. Some Little Things

There are a few little things that you can do to improve your life! And here’s a list of a few of them:

Change up your environment every day!

Ditch soda and coffee, and go for water! (NOTE: Drink water that hasn’t been on your desk for 3 days to a week.)

Have a day of rest planned out!

Perfectionism isn’t the right way to go, just do the best you can!

Learn to reward yourself!

DRY SHAMPOO for the real bad days.

Also for the real bad days, brush your teeth, it’ll help you feel less disgusting.

For the real bad days again, animals help. Go to your pet or watch some cute/funny animal videos.

Talk to someone, or at least try to interact with someone (texting, phone call, face to face, etc.)

Cleaning can help! Try to keep where ever you spend the most time at clean, believe me it helps more than you’ll ever realize.

Try to stay realistic and know your boundaries.

Try to develop a “fuck it” attitude. I’ve noticed how just saying “fuck it” vs “I can do this” is actually more motivating. I’m not sure on the psychology behind this, but it’s just something that works for me.

7. Keep on Moving Forward

I know life is hard, life can be even harder with depression and or anxiety. But, I just want to tell everyone to not give up, keep moving forward, and try to have fun when you can, okay?

Also, if you’re going through a rough patch, and you start thinking about suicide, I’m begging you to call a suicide hotline or to go talk to a professional. If you think for a moment no one cares about you, you are wrong, because I do. I care. I know it might not be much, it’s only words, but I just wanted to let those who needed to know, know that.

(List of Suicide Hotlines)

Other Junk

Thank you for reading everyone! This post was made by @jessiesrefblog , if you want to see more helpful posts like this one, please go over to my blog and follow me! 

I also reblog other helpful things over there too, regarding life junk, writing, history, art, and more!

(Blog | Personal Blog | YT Channel | Pinterest)

[rivasanita]

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[maximuswolf]

Is it likely my partner has BPD? via /r/BPD

Is it likely my partner has BPD?

I’m a 28m I’ve been with my partner 36f for around a year and a half It’s been full of short lived highs followed by many lows My background: I don’t have great relationship experience myself I never actually wanted a committed relationship until me and my ex broke ( we started as fwb ended up getting on amazingly well and had a very strong team like relationship going on , eventually it dawned on me that things were getting very serious and she has two of her own kids , I wasn’t ready for that lifestyle so we agreed to part ways) after that I felt I was truly ready to go for a committed relationship in line with my life goals (plans to travel) , before this I actively didn’t want a relationship I was more into fwb arrangements , I’d had a couple of relationships in my late teens/early twenties which i pretty much just ended up in knowing I was ready for it yet , none of them were bad relationships I’d ended them due to me knowing it’s not what I wanted (I’m aware I’m an asshole for entering them in the first place)

Her background: In her teens she started a 10 year relationship which was nothing other than abusive , constant cheating on both sides it was constant hurt and abuse according to her , she then had a few relationships which haven’t really been spoken about in between and then she met her ex at work who she’d been with for 10 years , she said she new from the off she didn’t love him or what they had and he didn’t have the lifestyle she wanted (they’d work together , come home and sit infront of the tv all evening on repeat) she said it was just easy , other things to note she doesn’t get on with her parents

Fast forward: She started working at my place and we got on like a house on fire , she didn’t tell me she had a boyfriend but I’d heard it from someone else and found it on her Facebook (she wasn’t aware I knew) so I ended up backing off abit , she then started getting really friendly with another guy at work who’s the same age , same shape ,same hair/beard style , similar interests as me and would actively flirt heavily with him infront of me , I didn’t react.. she then went out with him to a festival/met his mom and at work that week she told the guys I work with about it knowing they’d tell me (she eventually admitted this) once I found out I reacted by giving up on the idea of me and her , later that week she turns up at my house saying she did it to see if I get jealous so she knows if I like her , I told her I do and that’s when she confessed she has a bf and needs to leave him , after this she started to tel me how much the other lad at work fancies her/is in love with her (she’d constantly becoming to me saying all the things he’d said and playing the love songs to me that he’d sent her all with a massive grin trying to get a reaction but I knew what she was doing so never reacted) that just got worse and she started meeting him more , I confronted her on it after the 3rd or 4th time and said if this happens again I’m done it’s so disrespectful towards me and I will not tolerate it , she agreed and said she can see how wrong it is and how sorry she is for it and that’s it’s bad what she was doing to him as this lad really really liked her , a week later she’s back saying she’s met him again and I said were done , I managed to keep out her way for abit but she kept trying and trying with me until I gave In, on top of that everytime I was around her at work around another male she’d be talking heavy sexual stuff and I could see she was going extra knowing I was there , I called her out on this

After that things became seriously intense between us , she’d told me all about her traumas in life , literally everything about her expecting me to do the same , I found it strange but thought due to the intensity of the love I’ll do the same , there was a lot of strange deep questions from the off , but everything felt like a true love story during this period and almost felt unreal , after about 4 months things took a major turn , constant off and on behaviour at any moment I could change between one or the other , it almost seems as if it comes in cycles I’ll get a few weeks of her been okayish followed by a month of heavy off and on heavy short intense moments of love followed by complete offness until I finally explode (I stopped reacting/pointing out what she was doing and tried to accept her for who she is until it would become to much) I was then been told I was manipulating, gaslighting , controlling , when I’d ask how there be zero response just complete silence when I’d ask how I’m doing any of this , she’d always say these things to me just after she’d been doing them and I’d give her straight examples of how she was being manipulative, gaslighting controlling ect (I learnt the terms from her), another example she was convinced she is a physcopath , eventually she started to say she thinks I’m one and it would make me burst out laughing each time she said I was one , from that each time I’d laugh she’d start crying and saying don’t take the mick out of me so I stopped laughing and eventually started to believe that I’m a physcopath, after a short bit of research this is exactly we’re I learnt what projection was , since her going to therapy she finally has realised she’s not a physcopath and hasn’t said I’m one either , again when I’d ask how am I one there’s be no examples or explanation for it The cycles started going her been off with me for days on end , completely denying being off when I ask her what’s up (one word answers for everything , not talking to me touching me or even looking at me) she’d always say ‘why what’s up with you’, she’d then be praying on my every move waiting for me to mess up , as soon as I would it would explode and all sorts of random accusations would be thrown at me , when I say mess up it’s normal something as simple as me turning the bedroom light off before she’s got into bed , some of the accusations were complete ludacris and as usual I’d ask for examples or where she’s got it from and she’d just go completely silent , anytime I’d stand up to her accusations and ask for how she’s got there that would be me ‘telling her she’s wrong all the time’ , ‘not validating her feelings’ ect. Examples She’d say I’m destroying her , I’d ask how or what am I doing to destroy her then thered be silence and I’d get the old ‘not validating her feelings’ or ‘I’m telling her Shes wrong all the time’ This has been a very common thing , her throwing something similar to that at me , me simply saying ok how have you got to that conclusion what am I doing , no answer , conversation steered to how I’m not validating her feelings ect

Ontop of this when I’ve stated boundaries or my own feelings , like I went through a period were my sex drive dipped , I made it clear it was not related to her it was me going through a rough patch in lockdown , she piled on intense sexual pressure and new sexual needs from that moment onwards

When I’m having a bad day I’ll straight up tell her why ‘I slept crap last night so I’m feeling pretty anxious and low today so I’m not myself it’s not related to anything with us’ that would always cause her to go off with me no matter how much I reassure her I’m not feeling like this due to the relationship, it’s cause I’ve not slept well , I’ve had a stressful day at work ect

These cycles are still continuously happening sometimes I feel like we’re past them other times they seem to be more frequent and more intense

We just had a months break and I explained my problems in this are the constant on/off behaviour, setting me up to ‘slip up’ so there was a reason for her on/off behaviour, not letting me go through my own shit and having bad days , there the main ones I’ve highlighted and have brought up on numerous occasions

Throughout the relationship when she’s exploded I’ve constantly asked what am I doing wrong in this? To which she can’t come up with anything , I study my own behaviour deeply and struggle to pinpoint it to cause there must be something I’m aware that I must be playing some part In this but can’t figure it out, after each explosion/cycle there’s always new and obsurd reasons for her behaviour it’s always got a different reason behind it , she even recently told me it was normal woman behaviour all of them are like this

We met yesterday to signal the end of the break and to talk , I asked what her thoughts were on us and she said she hasn’t really thought cause she knows she’ll just get told she’s wrong , I’d turned up with the intention of ending things but I just ended up in awe of her as she seemed really different and we got on really well

I ended the chat by asking her to state her problems in this and cause her to treat me like this they were all new ones.. 1.she gives more , when I asked the whys and how’s she got to this there was to answers which I said fair enough to Sexually she gives more , I admitted to this and explained again about my sex drives and certain things she’d said to me in the past like ‘don’t worry about me I really like just giving to you’ and the other was that when we go away for a drive I don’t put half the petrol in which she’s never ever stated , we’ve been away about 15 times and on 3 of those occasions when she’s gone to get petrol I’ve got out the car filled the tank and paid for it (she normally tried to stop me doing it) but this would cover 6 of those trips She’s cooked for me a few times and cleaned my house and then complains that I do nothing for her , it turned out that I’ve helped with what I can , I can barely cook but started to learn to when she said I don’t cook for her , other than that she’s completely renovating her House and I’ve offered and helped every step of the way , I’ve spent numerous times helping or asking if I can help , she’s currently out of work and I’ve offered to pay her bills and mortgage until she’s sorted

She doesn’t like how I point out her behaviour (I do this pretty much at the end of each cycle when I’ve finally had enough of the silent treatment) or that I used the word behaviour , she doesn’t like how I don’t validate her feelings ( this is when she’ll throw a statement at me and ask her how she’s got there and she has no answer , for some things she will have an answer and I’ll then give it to her and say fair enough I can see that now and I’ll do something about it which I do , but I’f I don’t agree or she has no explanation for her statements it’s me telling her she’s wrong)

And the third is that she never knows where she stands with me

My points to her were: 1. The same I’ve been saying for atleast a year about being off with me for days on end ect. I’ve explained I’ve got no problem with her having problems and it’s never really the outcome of her explosions that bother me , it’s more the constant off and on treatment I get that bothers me , I’ve said that when she’s off (she’ll deny it but knows it) that it’s perfectly ok for her to say to me that she needs abit of space to herself to sort out wether it’s something in herself or something she needs to raise to me , or if it’s just a bad day for her to state that she’s just having a bad day it’s not to do with us

2.she needs to communicate her issues , like if me not putting exactly half the fuel in is an issue I need to know

That she needs to listen to me and let me have bad days in myself without her being off with me about it

That I never know where I stand because of the constant off/onness it comes out of literally know where and can change at any moment

TD;LR , first time trying in a committed relationship, do I just not understand woman or how they work or is this not right?

Submitted September 18, 2020 at 06:52AM by Fai_Kirby via reddit https://ift.tt/32E2knY

[cursivesugg]

Amore || Jack Maynard

Requests are currently [ CLOSED ]

Masterlist can be found [ HERE ]

Word Count: 1.1k

Summary: Jack desperately wants to get a new tattoo, but has no inspiration whatsoever.

A/N: Sorry for not posting much lately guys, I hope I can get back to a regular update schedule at some point soon. But for now bare with me, lovelies!!xx

It all started when Jack was recording a video with Mikey and Conor and the subject of tattoos was thrown around. One of the questions asked what his latest tattoo was, and even though neither of the boys had any idea, the idea of once again getting a new piece of ink got him thinking. He'd known for months that he wanted something else on his right arm, and he'd been scouring the internet for ideas, but came up with nothing.

And then, one day, you walked into his apartment after driving back from visiting Zoe and Alfie in Brighton, and proceeded to immediately sprint into his bedroom and throw yourself at him, laughing loudly when he quickly wraps his arms around you and flips you over so that he was hovering over you. He brushes his lips against your and looks into your eyes with a wide smile which you reciprocated. "What are you doing home so early? Thought you said you'd probably be coming back later tonight to avoid traffic?"

You grin and kiss his lips shortly. "Wanted to surprise you." You look over your shoulder at the camera and umbrella lights with a squint. "What're you filming?"

"Well, I was gonna do prank calls; but then I changed my mind." He says, and you look at him with your eyebrows furrowed. You part your lips to ask why, but before you can he presses his lips back against yours and grips onto your hips; causing you to groan and push him away, only to giggle at the pout on his lips.

You push yourself into a sitting position and kiss him quickly before pulling away and grinning at him. "You need to film." Even with your insistent tone, he still continued to pout. "How about we film the girlfriend tag? You've been wanting to do that for a while now." You remind him softly, leaning forward and pushing your thumb across his jutted out lip.

He sighs quietly, and stares at you for a few seconds before sighing and nodding, gripping your cheeks in his hands and kissing you for just a while longer before pulling away and brushing his nose against yours as you look into his eyes with a smile. "I have the questions ready in a file; are we just playing it normally or are we putting a twist on things?"

"Keep in mind that I did just drive for almost three hours straight." She laughs, looking into the viewfinder and fixing his hair as Jack walked behind the camera to make sure everything was in focus. She looks up at him over the camera and wiggles her eyebrows playfully, laughing slightly when he rolled his eyes and smirked. As he clicked a few buttons, you lean forward and rest your chin in your hand. "Have you heard Lady Gaga's new song yet?"

"Yeah, it's alright." He shrugs, smiling down at the camera and worming his way back around to sit beside her at the end of his bed.

She nods slowly and yawns into her hand before talking. "It's very un-Gaga-like."

Jack pushed you playfully, throwing his arm around your shoulders and pulling you into his side. "Hello everybody, welcome back to my channel. Today I'm joined by my girlfriend, (Y/N)."

She pokes his cheek with her index finger before turning her head and smiling widely at the camera. "Hello! I apologize for looking like I've been dragged through a pretty rough hedge, I just drove back from the Zalfie household where I spent the weekend, as many of you guys will already know." She turns to look at Jack and laughs at the look on his face. "I'm sorry! I'm a talker, that's just who I am!"

"Whilst I can get a few words in, I'll let you know what we're going to be doing today. Now, a few minutes ago I was under the impression that little miss here wouldn't be home until later on tonight, and so I planned on doing a part two to my prank call video. But, now that she's here, and I've missed her ever so much." He winks at the camera, and you roll your eyes. "We bought it'd be a good idea to film a video which has been requested more times than I can count. Guys, this is the girlfriend tag." He raises his arms dramatically, and you look at him with your eyebrows raised.

"I'm assuming you're going to insert some kind of effect right there."

"You assume correctly." He grins, scrolling through his abundance of notes on his phone until he came across the one labeled 'the girlfriend tag'. He brings up the questions, and silently chooses one in his mind. "Okay, let's start off with an easy one. When is my birthday?"

You pretend to think for a moment, already planning on playing with him a little. "Um, the twenty-first of November?"

Jack scoffs and shoves her lightly. "You're such an ass."

"I know, right?" She grins sarcastically, looking over at him and lifting her shoulders up. "I'm only kidding, mi amore. Your birthday is on the twenty-third, Conor's is on the twenty-first and Anna's is on June fourth."

Jack squeezes your cheeks. "I knew you loved me!"

"Of course I love you, amore." She rolls her eyes, kissing him quickly before taking his phone and looking for a good question. "Oh! I like this one. What are your nicknames for each other and how did they come to be?"

Jack goes first, seeing as the question was supposed to be aimed at him but seemed to be for the both of you anyways. He rests his hand on your inner thigh as he begins to talk, circling a patch of skin with his thumb. "I don't really have a nickname for you, I usually just call you babe or babygirl, and then I obviously call you by what everyone else calls you; but that's it I think." He shrugs, and you nod in agreement.

"Well, I mainly call you amore, or mi amore if I'm feeling extra nice. And that's just because of my Italian heritage; I've been calling people amore for my entire life, but with Jack, I don't know, it just feels different."

"Awh, babe." He prolongs his words, pulling you onto his lap and kissing you softly. "I love you."

You grin and kiss him quickly, your foreheads leaning together. "I love you more."

And that was when Jack knew exactly what tattoo he wanted. Amore, written in a cursive font on his wrist, where he could constantly remind himself of the love he and you shared.

Amore, such a simple word, with such great meaning.

[avengeultrons]

Title: A Huge Mistake (fem! Reader x Peter Parker)  Summary: After a grueling night of fighting off bad guys and saving his girlfriend, Peter decides there’s only one thing he can do to keep the one he loves safe

Word Count: 1744

Warnings: ANGST!!!

A/N: THIS. Ok so sometimes imagines just hit my hard man, I didn’t even know I was capable of so much angst but I could see it. OKAY.... I hope you enjoy!

--

You couldn't believe it.

Six simple words fell out of Peter’s mouth, “I think we should break up,” yet it felt like you'd been punched in the gut. Or, at least how you imagined it would feel. Your stomach dropped to your feet and your eyes stung with hot tears as a million thoughts ran through your brain; was it something you did? Did you say something wrong?

“What?” you shook your head in disbelief, turning to face him head on, so he had to look at you while he said it. He’d simply dropped you off at your place after a night of saving the city and, well, you; all the doings of some evil criminal you didn't care to catch the name of. You joined him on the fire escape and talked about everything and nothing whilst patching each other up from your rough night, everything was fine. Yet; he was suddenly dropping this bombshell.

“I can't keep you safe, Y/N. It’s too risky, I don't want to see you get hurt,” Peter was stumbling over his words and looking down at his hands, a sure fire sign of him being nervous. You'd picked up on these things after being with him for as long as you had.

“You don't have to keep me safe, Peter! Please, you can't actually be suggesting this right now,” he knew how hurt you were when you said his full name. You usually only called him ‘P’ or ‘Pete’, unless you were having a serious or difficult conversation such as the one you were currently having.

“Please don't make this any harder than it already is, Y/N,” he sighed loudly, running a hand through his hair as he tripped over his words. Your mouth dropped open in surprise and you didn't even bother to wipe the tears that were falling down your face.

“But-” you reached a hand out to him, an orangey glow from the streetlamps outlining him with an eerie light, “I love you. Whatever is thrown in front of us, we can handle it. You know that. Come on, it's us!”

“It's for the best, Y/N. You know that,” you could practically hear the tears forming in his own eyes as he struggled to speak without completely breaking down, “I love you too much to put you in unnecessary danger like that.”

“This can't be real,” you laughed blandly, usually laughing helped you feel a little better. This time; it didn't. Peter dropped your hand and got to his feet while you followed suit, sniffling loudly.

“It's the only way I know you'll be safe. I hope you understand,” he brushed a strand of hair out of your face as the wind swept it across your forehead, a movement he’d done so many times before. Your shuddered as he did it, knowing it'd possibly be the last time.

“I understand,” you nodded curtly, not wanting Peter to feel any more terrible than he probably already did, “My window’s always open if a certain superhero needs patching up.”

Peter smiled lightly, almost wincing as he did so. Both of you knew that it wouldn't happen, “I'll see you at school tomorrow,” his hand lingered over your cheek where it lay just a second longer before he dropped it and slid the mask down over his face, taking off down the fire escape at a quick pace.

Your vision blurred and you didn't even bother to hold back on crying as you crawled back into your room and into bed, a mess of yesterday’s clothes and tears. You clutched your stomach and tried to muffle your sobs against your pillow; the last thing you needed was someone walking in to ask if you were okay. The answer would be an “I’m fine” even if you weren't fine at all.

Getting up for school the following morning was a joke; you told your worried parents that you weren't feeling well. Somehow; you got out of going to school for five days. Well, until your parents determined that you weren't sick anymore and insisted that you go back.

You managed only a handful of hours of sleep and definitely looked like it. Already being late; you stopped for a much needed coffee on the way to school, sunglasses hiding your puffy eyes from crying and the dark circles from exhaustion.

It felt like everyone was looking at you as you walked down the hall, your sneakers squeaking in an obnoxiously loud way that was only amplified by the stares. Usually; you and Peter made this walk together, before school began. It was practically almost lunch time and you were just now making the walk, alone.

“Hey, Y/N!” a shout from behind you made you jump and turn on your heel to face the source of the voice, wishing you could pull your shades down and hide from the world and especially the person who shouted your name. It was none other than Flash himself.

“What do you want?” you spat, returning to your task of grabbing your textbooks for class to place into your backpack. When you weren't looking at him, he slammed the locker door back against the opposite locker and placed his hand up near your face, blocking you from escaping.

“Word around school is that you finally realized what a joke the Parker kid is,” he smiled triumphantly, though it only looked like a sneer to you, “I was wondering if you'd wanna go hit up that new horror movie this weekend,” he said it more as a statement, like he wouldn't take no for an answer.

“I'd rather stab my own eyes out with a fork than ‘hit up’ a movie with you,” you turned to face him, your back against the lockers and face blank of all emotion. You weren't impressed with him in the slightest.

“Oh, come on now. We both know that isn't true,” his other hand rested on the neighboring lockers over your shoulder, you were really trapped.

“Gee, my bad. I'm so sorry that you're so obsessed with yourself that you think everyone else must be, too!” you huffed, glaring hard at him, “Maybe if you buy two tickets for yourself, it'll be like you're on a date.”

Flash rolled his eyes and dropped his hand until it was resting on your shoulder, the weight of it pushing down more than you thought it would, “We’re playing hard to get? That's fun,” he laughed lightly, which only made your stomach churn.

“Come on, leave her alone, man,” a sheepish voice said from behind Flash. You of course knew exactly who it was, the last person you wanted to see. Peter.

Your heartbeat sped up as Flash whipped his head around to glare at him, a sort of pity laugh escaping his lips, “It’s a shame she broke up with you. But; she's not yours anymore. Get lost,” he practically spat in Peter’s face as he said it.

You responded with, “I'm not anyone’s property,” the same time that Peter retorted, “She’s not anyone’s property,” which made your heart soar and ache at the same time. While Flash had his guard down, you ducked out from underneath him, flattening the creases of your t-shirt.

“Goodbye, Flash,” you flashed a sickly sweet smile and shooed him away, shuddering as you did so. Did that really just happen?

“I haven't seen you in a while,” Peter met his stride with yours as you booked it down the hallway to your biology class; the same one that Peter was heading to. You were lab partners, so that would be great.

“That's because I haven't been here,” you didn't feel like conversing with him, so you kept your answer short and to the point. Well; as ‘to the point’ as you felt you could get, “Look; that was great, what you did back there. Thanks. But I don't need a superhero to swoop in and save me. I can handle myself just fine, especially with Flash.”

Peter’s heart sank as you said it, somehow managing a nod, “I know,” his voice sounded quiet and far away as the two of you took your seats at your lab table. It was frog dissection day; why couldn't you have skipped this day instead?

“Do you, really? I don't think you do,” you sighed loudly, “Pass the scalpel, please.”

“I made a mistake Y/N. A huge, monumental mistake. I'm sorry,” he was fumbling over his words again as he snapped a pair of gloves on and slid the scalpel across the table, “Please, just hear me out,” he ran a hand through his hair nervously and looked over at you, his eyes as wide as a lost puppy dog’s.

“You're doing the thing again,” you smirked, doing the first cut on the frog. Surprisingly; it didn't make you as queasy as you thought. Peter raised an eyebrow while you rolled your eyes, “You only do that with your hair when you're nervous.”

This caused him to immediately drop his hand, but his hair was already a perfectly curly mess, “Seeing Flash with you today was hard,” you laughed as he said it, “I’m sorry that I hurt you and that I'm such an idiot. I don't expect you to forgive me right now, but I hope you can sometime in the future because I love you and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make it up to you and-” you cut him off by thrusting the scalpel in front of him. He started and reached for it, looking over at you nervously.

Though you were definitely still experiencing a whirlwind of feelings, hearing him say those three words made everything feel slightly okay. You smiled over at him weakly, a smile that was hopefully enough to break the tension, “I know,” you said simply.

“Know what?” he asked with a nervous laugh, passing the scalpel back to you.

“That you're such an idiot. And you love me,” you said simply, leaning over your textbook to take notes on the anatomy of the frog. No matter how terribly he messed up, you loved him too much to hold it against him. But, you were definitely not going to let him get by that easily.

Peter’s shoulders dropped in relief and he smiled as he watched you. It was progress that the two of you were making, no matter how small.

[jayxtrejo]

Unfinished.

I don't know where to begin, I have so many ways to start but I can't seem to find the right one, so let's calls this a paradox. I'm not needy, but I want your full attention. I catch a mood easily if you're not around. Little things bother me & it bothers me more if you don't know why because at times you're the reason behind it. I love spending time with you, but we also need some distance because missing you is painful but the feeling of excitement of getting to see you makes it all worth it. I miss your presence but at times you get on my nerves yet, you're the only person I want around me. So many feelings in one person it's astounding.

Shes is becoming a part of myself everyday that goes by, everyday I see more of myself in her. She’s the better version of me, the areas I lack is what she fills, the upside to my downfall, she’s the calm sea after a thunder storm, she can take something so simple and turn it into the most beautiful thing in the world, I have fallen in love with her soul, a beautiful naive wandering soul, pure of heart.

The past life crept up on me, for some reason, it’s not what I imagined. It’s not a haunting past or disaster, it’s more of an old friend who has come to remind me of the person I am today. Most people look to the past and wish they could change it, I look back and thank it for bringing me the joy and happiness I have this day, the fucked up path I walked that led me on a roller coaster of emotions. They say the journey is always greater than the destination but I big to differ, but my journey was more pain than greatness. It broke me down and molded me, tore me apart and dragged me. It led me to her, thanks to my past, I can give her everything without hesitation. My past made me who I am today, the person she is now in love with.

I’ve reached a point in my life. I’m at peace. Bliss has entered my life, she entered. Theirs days we can’t stand each other, days where we can’t go without seeing each other. I find it cute when she’s throws a fit because I know she cares. She always asks “what are you looking at?” dumbfounded when I just sit and look at her, little does she know I’m picturing my future with her. I have plans for us, plans of a house and a family. Plans to be the reason for her smile for the rest of her life.

You’re my best friend. I love you.

Just thinking about you, I love you.

12/16/18, we hit the year mark. How long will it take, how many more years, months or days till it settles in that you’re now my one true love. I see you in everything I do, the way I walk and talk, the way I see the world has changed. My heart is vulnerable. It’s been a wild ride, but I’m still glad you’re my partner, all the tears shed, the smiles created and the non ending laughs, the long nights and short days, the endless conversations & the silent nights. With every gasp of air I take, it reminds me, I’m just one gasp away from a happily ever after. There’s still much to learn about you, up till now I know you and almost every detail about you, you’re constantly changing giving me new challenges, it’s exciting. You’re careless at times, but overall you mean well. I will be the one to guide you through the dark times. To make sure you smile and the end of the day. Till the end of our days.

Things have been rough. I’m having mini anxiety attacks. You love me then you hate me. Been a rough week but we’re pushing through it. We don’t give up, not when we love like this. But I still know I want you only, forever and a day. If it’s you, it’s worth it.

We are doing good now, things hit the fan but we got through it again, we’re okay. We will be alright. I love you.

I miss you, even though you just left.

I love you.

We’re back in the rough patch, things look for the worse right now. You told me you need time, secretly i think you need me more then ever right now. For the first time in my life I’m scared for us. I’m scared, you’re my bestfriend, my homie, my go to, my rock, my other half and in this case my better half. We’re in muddy water, I feel like I’m drowning, theirs a knot in my throat. For the past days I haven’t been able to function correctly. I’m missing you more than ever. We messed up this time. But we’ll be okay. We have to be.

I miss you

I miss you even more today.

End of day 2 I’m up at 4:27am looking at our pictures.

Day 4 and I’m still not okay. But that’s okay.

God I miss your smile & that dorky laugh.

Today I saw you and cried again. We’re still here but it’s hard.

I want to marry you. I miss you. I love you.

We have been talking more and seeing each other constantly. You’re still not really here but you’re here, my heart is happy when you’re next to me. I can tell because all I can do is smile like a kid at a candy store.

Things have gotten a bit better, you’re still my happiness & future.

I heard your laugh again, my heart melted.

Today we talked again, more became clear. I’m still sure I want to marry you.

You just left home and I told you about my old friend and what he told me. I told you why you are my choice, I hope you understand what I meant. Because this is a forever thing.

I got to hold you and hear you laugh again, I got to kiss and touch and feel your body against mine once again. Things still are unsettling but we’re getting better.

I love you, I miss you.

Things are getting better. Praying for even better days. I love you.

Friday night, I’m sitting outside with my thoughts and a wish that you’ll just be here with.

I want you here with me, I miss you.

It’s 4:17 you just got done venting to me and I’m sorry you had a rough night but I’ll make it better. I’m currently still on the phone with you till you fall asleep, I miss you. I love you

4:59 still on the phone, you’re asleep and I hear you snoring haha, I love you

Torn between two places, your heart and myself

One day if lord grants me life our kids will read this and know how rough we had it but also understand how hard we fought and how strong we became

Things are starting to settle in

The concept of you not being here no more is becoming more and more real

I love you

You’re distancing yourself little by little, it’s killing me slowly, I notice the small changes, the little things, the start of lack of attention and affection, the empty kisses, the comforting words

Esos detallas se te están olvidando.

Moments are becoming twice as special, why? Because before they were special because I knew their was more to come but now, now they’re twice as special because I don’t know if they’ll ever happen again, so I gotta cherish every moment even more.

I’m blind to the bullshit I can’t see. I can see some differences, the smile on my face every time you call, the way you’d pick me up every time I’d fall, I love you, I’m not giving up on us. I didn’t give up the first time around and I’m not now.

Try as I might I still can’t seem to wrap my head around what it is you truly desire. Maybe I’m just the comfort you want but not the person you need. Maybe you just need SOMEWHERE to call home and not SOMEONE. Maybe you’re not okay with the fact of leaving everything I provide but your okay with leaving me. Maybe just maybe.

I miss you, I’m in tears again. You’re so close yet so far.

We just went to get your hair done, you’re looking beautiful as always and even more radiant. God you’re gorgeous. I’m in love all over again.

Fighting for your heart I just wanna be with you, we gotta make it through.

It’s 5:17am I cant sleep, been up all night just thinking of you, you’re such a beautiful thought that runs through my head all the time. But you’re also the reason I can’t sleep at night, I need you here with me.

You’re the best part of my days.

You look so gorgeous right now, you’re so peaceful when you sleep.

My heart hurts still, but it’s okay we’re going to get through this.

I keep over thinking and it’s killing me slowly.

I can’t wait to marry you and have little babies.

I love you.

——————

Maybe... maybe you were right

You were right..

It’s time for you to come to me, im going to give you what you want & asked for. I will no longer stand and be made less of the man i rightfully am and I will not be allowed to be stripped away of what I had sought out to be my future. Now it’s your turn, for better or for worst, it’s in your hands. I just want you to know that I didn’t give up. I never did.

Nothing is set in stone yet your words hit like rocks. The pain is the size of mountains, grand and long lasting, hard and to the point. Day by day.

Day by day

Day by day

You are my all, my world, my love, my heart, my one and only, my better half, you are my breath of fresh air, my happiness and sorrow, my hope and devastation, my ups and downs. You are my everything.

I long for a random phone call from you, one of those “I just wanted to see and hear your voice” type calls.

I long to hear an “I miss you”

I long to hear an “I need you come quick”

I long to hear... to hear you in all your glory.

Maybe im a fool, maybe. But i would rather be a fool in love and lost the game to have never have loved at all.

Miss me like I miss you. Love me the way I do you. Cherish me. Appreciate me. Hold me. Hold me for no given reason. Hold me for a goofy reason. Kiss me just because. Kiss me because you miss me. Hug me. Just hug me, it means more than you think. Pick me up when I’m down. Stay.

I want you to long for me most of all.

These changes I can’t take it. Small.

I love you. God I fucking miss you.

I’m in tears again.

Don’t push me away.

I miss you..

We’re on the phone rn, you’re talking to me and owning up a little by little, it’s great, really great. I love hearing your voice even if your talking about problems

I love you.

Days are starting to get lonely.

I missing you a little extra today.

Damn.

My heart melts when you call me “bby”

Crazy how such small words have big effects on my mood. You still can change my mood in an instance. You told me you’re gunna come later to give me hugs y besos. I’m excited but I’m not counting on it 100% because I know something might come up.

You came, you actually came. You made me so happy, I’m glad you came I’m so happy you did. I adore you.

I’m back alone with my thoughts, it’s dangerous.

Been a few days since I last wrote, I just can’t find the words anymore.

I’m at a loss now..

I’m sorry.

——————

You’ll get what you want, be smooth.

I was always told too stay back and watch how people move, their actions will show what place they want in your life. Tread softly.

I think it’s time for you to come through and for me to back up. I’ve been suffocating you trying to steer you in the right path but in the end it’s honestly up to you yo ya que puedo hacer, my efforts are meaningless. I’ve been trying so hard for what? For you to stay stuck on what was and not what is.

If you wanted me their, I’d be their and that says it all.

Waiting for the day when I become your priority and get what I truly deserve. Not what you think I deserve.

I love you...

I hate being alone with my thoughts at times but time and loneliness seem to be the only two that understand and listen to me.

I can honestly say it’s just becoming more and more clear each day.

Your actions and decisions will tell me the truth behind all your words. Meaningless words, I’m watching your actions.

I can feel this note coming to its final writing days, it’s named “unfinished” yet every time I write I feel closer to being, done...

When I become a priority a world of opportunity will open and it will be beautiful

Time and place, time and place

Today I was off, i don’t know what’s going on, I caught a feeling of rejection and denial, I felt like throwing up again I hate feeling this way.

Just saw you, you looked beautiful as always

[wildcherrypepsihero]

1-100 please! And have a good day! :)

Holy CRAP! THANK YOU! Seriously, you can PM me your url if you want some asks sent your way! You’re too kind :)

1. Is a kiss considered cheating? Yeah, I think so. I’m pretty much uncomfortable with hand-holding or long hugs/cuddly with anyone but my SO. I’ve tolerated it before for friends who are going through stuff, but I really enjoy personal space. I would be pretty uncomfortable if Marty did anything cuddly with someone else, too. Kissing is pretty over-the-line for me.

2. Have you ever faked an orgasm? Hasn’t everyone? Yes, I have.

3. If you could have one superpower, what would it be? Deafness at will?Like the ability to create total silence. I get overwhelmed pretty easily, and I hate a lot of noises, so it’d be nice to shut it out sometimes!

4. Do you think you are going to be rich in 7-8-9 years? Absolutely not!

5. Tell us some funny drunk story. I don’t drink, sorry!

6. Why are you no longer together with your ex? He was a douche and was only interested in me for sex. Which was super gross because he was a lot older than me.

7. If you had to choose one way to die, what would it be? Old age. Painless.

8. What are your current goals? I have a ton of goals right now!!! I want to get a cartilage piercing, I want to lose weight, I want to get straight A’s, I want to get a tattoo I want to make new friends, I want to become more involved with my religion, I want to save up for my gap year between undergrad and grad school, and I want to make the most of my time between now and when I graduate!

9. Do you like someone? Been dating the love of my life for almost three years!

10. Who was the last person to disappoint you? I’m trying not to hold grudges about it. It’s already in the past!

11. Do you like your body? Sometimes! I’m a lot less mean to myself than I used to be.

12. Can you keep a diet? I’ve never dieted! I’m good at eating well, though!

13. If the whole world listened to you right now, what would you say? I’d agonize over it for a long time, but I’d draft a speech on how important knowledge is and try to talk about acceptance and stuff. The political scene is rough right now.

14. Do you work? Yep! I’m a paid intern at school for English, and I’m a carpenter over the summers!

15. If you could choose only one food to eat to the rest of your life, what would it be? Does the entire genre of “vegetables” count? If I had to pick one... Maybe broccoli? I really like tomatoes, too.

16. Would you get a tattoo? Yep! I want to get an Italian worker bee on my left wrist.

17. Something you don’t mind spending all your money on? My education!

18. Can you drive? No. My anxiety is pretty easy to hide, but it’s been pretty crippling, too. I wish I could do normal things.

19. When was the last time someone told you that you were beautiful? Today! I was really self-conscious at the beach, but my boyfriend was lovely and texted me encouragement!

20. What was the last thing you cried for? My grandfather who passed away a few years ago.

21. Do you keep a journal? Sort of! I don’t have time to journal or to even write stories on their own, but my planner acts as my journal. It’s one of the most treasured things I own.

22. Is life fun? Absolutely!

23. Is farting in front of people irrelevant? I think farting in public is gross and disrespectful, but in private with people you know is totally fine.

24. What’s your dream car? Convertible VW bug!

25. Are grades in school important? No, as long as you’re learning! In my experience, though, when I’m learning, my grades are good. When I’m not learning, they’re not. But that isn’t the case with everyone!

26. Describe your crush. Dorky, cute, kind. My best friend.

27. What was the last book/movie that really impressed you? A Book of Bees by Sue Hubbell and Hidden Figures!

28. What was your last lie? “No worries!”

29. Dumbest lie you ever told? Any time I told some wildly untrue story in my youth to seem interesting.

30. Is crying in front of people embarrassing? YES.

31. Something you did and you are proud of? I’ve had straight A’s two semesters in a row, I’m publishing multiple articles in TWO journals with my school, and I’m in the Honors program at my university!

32. What’s your favorite cocktail? I don’t drink!

33. Something you are good at? Critical analysis of language!

34. Do you like small kids? Well enough!

35. How are you feeling right now? I’m really tired.

36. What would you name your daughter/son? Noelle/Phillip. Both named after family members.

37. What do you need to be happy? Marty, a good book, a comfy bed, and a job at a university!

38. Is there some you want to punch in the face right now? At any given moment, I’m ready to punch two specific people in the face.

39. What was the last gift you received? My dad got me a bunch of patches for my bag!

40. What was the last gift you gave? I can’t even remember. It was probably for Marty.

41. What was the last concert you went to? Probably Sara Bareilles!

42. Favourite place to shop at? I like stores like Target! I also like Francesca’s.

43. Who inspires you? My mom and my first professor.

44. How old were you when you first got drunk? N/A

45. How old were you when you first got high? N/A

46. How old were you when you first had sex? 19

47. When was your first kiss? My senior year of high school

48. Something you want to do until the end of this year? I have a workout, meal, and overall points plan!

49. Is there something in the past you wish you hadn’t done? I wish I’d taken my English classes more seriously in high school.

50. Post a selfie. I’m horrible at taking pictures. I’m pretty much exactly like this emoji: (ง°ل͜°)ง

51. Who are you most comfortable around? Marty!

52. Name one thing that terrifies you. UNCERTAINTY.

53. What kind of books do you read? Realistic fiction and creative nonfiction. I don’t have a lot of tolerance for ridiculously fictitious stories anymore.

54. What would you tell your 12-year-old self? Life is going to get hard. Learn how to cope with it sooner. Ask your mom for a fucking therapist.

55. What is your favorite flower? Purple coneflowers have had my heart for years, but a lot of bee-friendly flowers have been growing on me.

56. Any bad habits you have? Maybe it’s not a habit more than it is a symptom, but I scratch at my ears until they bleed and clean them until the protective layer of wax is gone and they get infected. Not fun :(

57. What kind of people are you attracted to? Low-maintenance, low-drama dorks.

58. What was the last thing you cried for? I didn’t even notice this was on here twice when I reblogged it.

59. Is there something you don’t eat? Some food that truly disgusts you? I really hate hot fruit and mushy hot vegetables.

60. Are you in love? Yes!

61. Something you find romantic? Laughing together! And cuddling :)

62. How long was your longest relationship? My current one! Almost three years!

63. What are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex? These seem pretty heavily based on stereotypes. Three things that irritate me about PEOPLE are 1. over-dramatic, 2. little to no forethought about most things, 3. UNWILLING TO SOLVE THEIR OWN PROBLEMS THROUGH SIMPLE COMMUNICATION.

64. What are 3 things that irritate you about the opposite sex? See above.

65. What are you saving money for? New apartment things! Cork board, rice steamer, etc.

66. How would you describe your bad side? Stubborn, holds grudges, easily irritated.

67. Are you actually a good person? Why? I think I’m trying really hard to be a good person. I still have a lot of really selfish habits and mindsets, but (weirdly enough) my experiences with religion have helped me change them.

68. What are you living for? My lovely SO and my passion for English and higher education!

69. Have you ever done anything illegal? Nope!

70. Do you like your body? See above? I guess?

71. Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally? No, I don’t think so.

72. Ever sent nudes? Nah. The NSA doesn’t need to see anything but my fully-clothed body.

73. Have you ever cheated on someone? ABSOLUTELY NOT.

74. Favourite candy? I really like Butterfingers! And Hostess mini powdered donuts, if those count as candy.

75. Is there a blog you visit every day, or almost every day? Tag it! @barry-bluejeans - I love all that sweet taz content. There are some other taz blogs, too, but I really love this one.

76. Do you play any computer games? What is your favorite game? Starbound, right now! I also adore Stardew Valley.

77. Favorite TV series? I love Brooklyn 99 and Parks and Rec.

78. Are you religious? Does God exist? Uh, yeah! I think I am? I recently got introduced to a really open branch of religion and I’ve been learning a lot. I don’t think there’s a man in the sky who knows everything. I think God is a limited entity that exists in the interactions between people? Like... I don’t know. God is the forgiveness between two people for the initial awkwardness of conversation. God is the need for letting grudges go quickly out of personal growth, not out of charity for the other person. God is the overwhelming sense of calmness we get when we’re out in the quiet of nature. God is the ever-expanding universe getting to know itself, if that makes sense? I dunno. I’m still a little embarrassed about religion, but I really like to explore it in writing lmao.

79. What was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why? A Book of Bees! YES! It was so poetic and peaceful! My copy even had grammatical errors and typos, but I still thoroughly enjoyed the book!!!

80. What do you think about vegetarianism/veganism? Extremely admirable, especially when it’s in protest of the current meat industry.

81. How long have you been on Tumblr? Since my sophomore year of high school, though I’ve deleted a few times to start over.

82. Do you like Chinese food? YES!

83. McDonalds or Subway? Subway, I guess? These are both kind of bad options.

84. Vodka or whiskey? I don’t drink...

85. Alcohol or drugs? Neither... Although I would choose pretty much anything over drugs.

86. Ever been out of your province/state/country? Been out of state, but not out of country (YET!)

87. Meaning behind your blog name? It started out as a vent blog. I deal with a lot of things through humor, so a lot of my reactions to sad relatable posts would be to laugh and then cringe.

89. What are you scared of? Still uncertainty! Also not a big fan of heights.

90. Last time you were insulted? This idiot from school said that I was a bad friend, that my best friend was in love with me, and that my boyfriend was probably cheating on me.

91. Most traumatic experience? It happened a long time ago, I’d rather not answer.

92. Perfect date idea? Cuddling at home! Or going to a museum!

93. Favorite app on your phone? My smartpen’s app! Or garage band!

94. What color are the walls in your room? Green!

95. Do you watch YouTube? Who is your favorite YouTuber? I watch some youtube. I like Animal Wonders Montana and Dollightful!

96. Share your favorite quote. As a word person, I have a lot of favorite quotes, but right now it is the following: “Some beekeepers recommend continuous feeding of all hives in the springtime, arguing that a steady supply of sugar syrup tricks the colony into believing there is nectar flow in progress, which stimulates the queen to lay a greater number of eggs than she normally would. I have tried it but find it unsatisfactory, and have concluded that it is impossible to trick bees. They know their world better than I do.” -Sue Hubbell. There are so many from this book that I adore but this one is one of my favorites.

97. What is the meaning of life? A good book on a beach with the one you love.

98. Do you like horror movies? Yeah, I guess! In small doses.

99. Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened? Probably loads of times in high school. She was terrified that I was never going to get my act together.

100. Do you feel lucky or special in a way? I’m very lucky to have wonderful parents, a perfect monogamous boyfriend, and a passion that I’m good at!

101. Can you keep a secret? I feel like I misnumbered these somehow. Also, some of these are repeats, so fuck it. I’m doing 101. Yes, I can keep a secret, but not from Marty. Thankfully, Marty can also keep a secret.