#I’m aware I’m being ridiculous
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uber-the-sky-kid-primary · 2 years ago
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Is it normal to worry that your mutual died when they suddenly drop off the face of tumblr, or am I just a special kind of paranoid?
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st-hedge · 5 months ago
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What was that really beautiful wording used to describe characters I like— ah that’s it, sad sacks of issues. That’s this guy right here
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daisychainsandbowties · 1 year ago
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one of the things i find kind of sad about watching new things and (as i will always tend to do) making little gay ships out of it, is how we always say “lol i ship these two i’m so delusional.” and not in the sense that i think this is a bad thing to say - it’s funny most of the time, typical hyperbole, lighthearted - but it’s also the experience i’ve had for my entire life with queer pairings. being called delusional by my close irl friends, my family, and seeing that sort of pre-emptive emotional shielding in fandom spaces too. it just… makes me sad that i always have to have this relationship with sapphic ships. i can never make myself believe that they’ll happen and i think… there’s an element of that reflected in how we’re expected (by wider society) to see our chances for happiness as remote, unrealistic. it’s a delusion, a daydream, something that will never happen. and obviously it does but i can’t express how damaging it was to grow up unable to imagine a future for myself. it’s maybe reductive to compare that to my relationship to queer ships but i do think it’s true, and i’m not saying “oh we shouldn’t talk this way!!” but it makes me sad that i feel like i have to put up that shield around myself in order to protect myself from being ridiculed for daring to believe that my silly gay ship could happen
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scorch-cake · 1 month ago
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Imagine getting queerbaited by a shounen manga
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hsslilly-blog · 2 months ago
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this just occurred to me. do you guys think claire knows she’s autistic
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lesbiansanemi · 8 months ago
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I wish there was a way to communicate how overstimulated kids make me and how much I really wish I could reliably be in public spaces without hearing large families/children being insanely loud without sounding like one of those freaks that thinks children should be banned from public spaces
#like kids are loud kids are noisy kids need to learn to socialize#this is all fine and logically I understand this#however…… genuinely nothing sends me into overstimulation to the point of a meltdown faster than children#(it sounds so terrible and stupidly edgy but I’m also starting to think kids are some sort of trigger for me due to my upbringing esp kids#crying because… haha reasons we won’t get into)#and like I said I am WELL aware this is all a ME problem and is in no way the fault of the children or their parents#(well sometimes the parents)#(I do think some parents need to be better about comforting screaming/crying kids and teaching kids they can’t run around and scream#whenever and wherever they want)#but like. I wish I could communicate that I genuinely do hate being around children without sounding like I have overlap with the people who#are freaks about it and think kids are uniquely terrible and that it’s all the kids fault for… yk being kids#there’s not a solution here but I wish I could at least complain without having to add fifteen caveats about how I think children are ppl#and deserve respect and caring and it’s ridiculous to act like they shouldn’t be allowed in public spaces#because they are sometimes loud and annoying#but UNFORTINATELY there’s a very large annoying and loud group of adults who have INSANE opinions about children#so ugh#anyways I’m overstimulated so I went to go hide in the bathroom for a bit#but there’s a family in here with four kids and they’re all being SO loud and shrieking and laughing#and it’s making me want to bang my head into a wall#kaz rambles
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arcane-vagabond · 9 months ago
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Me to my anxiety the last week
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goldensunset · 1 year ago
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on tumblr you can type an entire vent post that’s clearly very personal to your experiences and isn’t supposed to be a universal proclamation and some account you have quite genuinely never seen before in your life will assume that by posting it you are making a submission to r/aita to be judged by the world and will inform you that they think you are in the wrong for the way you feel
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malachitezmeyka · 1 year ago
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Personally, I think if critically acclaimed classical author Alexander Dumas could look at his most well-known creation, The Three Musketeers, and go “Okay but what if the hot evil lady had a secret child who then grows up and interacts with people responsible for his mother’s death”, then 12 year old me was in her full right to turn around and do the same thing
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bugdogg · 1 year ago
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If it’s about how I misread my schedule multiple times, I’d giggle
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nabilfekir · 2 years ago
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AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE frankly i don’t wanna hear it anymore about psg ruining the transfer market. actually can’t take anyone who says that shit seriously anymore. not while one prem club can run fucking riot spending more than all leagues combined in one fucking winter window never mind nottingham fucking forest buying like 20 players in the summer fuck right off with ur p$g bullkaka and get with the times
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crimemelon · 3 months ago
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only bc it’s truly appalling but whenever anime characters (most of which are typically the same skin color) get posted and someone goes out of their way to make the villain darker skinned i just have to laugh… like Do They Know
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preqwells · 5 months ago
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imagining simon with a reader that's extremely awkward since it's their first serious relationship.
simon was practically yearning for your touch, ready to burst at the seams and teeter over while you hesitantly refrained. you two had been dating for at least eight months and had known each other for longer around this point, so he was well-adjusted and within his comfort zone with you; he trusts you. you’ve had flings here and there, all of which lasted more than a month if you were lucky— not your fault these assholes did a complete 180 once you officially put a title on things. for a long time, you convinced yourself that it was your fault since the only common factor in all of those relationships was you until simon was practically desperate to prove you wrong— although his poker face and lack of flowery words would ever allow him to do so.
every time simon would try to get closer to you at night? you didn’t know what to do. cheek kisses? you’d just press your lips into a tight-lipped smile, managing a small “thanks” and averted your gaze. if simon tried to hold your hand? it was almost like you’d find a way to wiggle out of it. it was almost like you weren’t used to affection— how could you of all people not be used to affection, he wondered.
he started to eventually get discouraged at one point. he wasn’t one for affection often, but you didn’t seem to want to get closer to him— why didn’t you want to get closer to him? he’d try to brush it off, but he wasn’t good with words and touch was all he had left.
it was abruptly brought up when you two were seated on the couch, his eyes mindlessly mapping out how your hair framed the side of your face, assuming it began to tickle you from the way you raised your hand and began to gently scratch the softness of your cheek. “why do you move away from me when i try to touch you?” he suddenly asked, his voice vibrating in his chest. he caught onto the way your jaw undulated at the question which only fueled his curiosity. were you aware you had been doing this to him? were you dangling your affection above his head? what a cruel game if you were, honestly. “um…” you began, a silence ensuing between you two. you didn’t know what to say— what could you say? your reasoning felt silly the more you thought about it— you didn’t want to push simon away of all people.
“i don’t know what to do or where to put my hands… and im afraid i’ll get clingy. its not that i dont like it… i do…. i just…” you mumbled, your eyes flickering between his and the tv.
…that was it?
you didn’t know where to put your hands and you thought you’d be clingy just after giving him a small hug? small kiss? he stifled a laugh which you caught onto, prompting a small pout to form on your plush lips. “why’re you laughing? i’m being serious!” you groaned, slightly frustrated at the feeling of simon not taking this seriously. simon took your frustration in stride, the roughness of his hands grazing across your cheeks as he gingerly cupped the sides of your face. “s’nothin— nothin a’ all…” he mumbled, secretly on cloud nine as he silenced you with a kiss, feeling you tense up to which he elicited a throaty chuckle. “it’s not— s’not funny!” you attempted to reprimand him which failed, seeing as how you were holding back your laugh at simon’s smile and at how ridiculous the situation was now that you thought about it.
“you’re right. i’m afraid you’ll be like a leech if you get used to me.” he mumbled against your lips. he was pleasantly surprised at the feeling of your hands returning the gesture and cupping his face, your thumbs grazing the stubble which pricked and prodded needles into the soft pads of your fingers. “shut up.” you mumbled back, pulling him down onto the couch with you as he landed on your chest. he tried to ignore the rapid beating of your heart and how it hammered in your chest, but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t think it was cute.
if you weren’t used to affection, he’d have to change that.
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snowballseal · 4 months ago
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How they react to you feeling insecure (LaDS)
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Summary: How the Love and Deepspace boys react to you feeling insecure about various things. Includes Rafayel, Sylus, Zayne, and Xavier. Lots of fluff.
Word Count: they're all around 1000 roughly
Note: Warnings of different kinds of insecurity, ranging from physical to mental. I'm not sure of how well the Xavier one turned out, he's harder for me to write, but I couldn't leave him out!!! Anyways, hope yall enjoy!
Rafayel
His ended up being a lot longer, so it's posted separately.
here
--
Sylus
Being partners with Sylus is a…daunting position to be in.
You always considered yourself a fairly average person, more focused on who you are than what you look like. It’s not that you don’t like the way you look - you do - and you don’t like comparing yourself to anyone, but you don’t plan on being a model anytime soon. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
Then you met Sylus, a man who looks like he was carved from the marble of ancient architecture. He could stand in a room of masterpieces and people would still look at him instead of the art. And since you’re by his side now, that means they’re also looking at you.
Being stared down by wanderers in one thing. Being stared down by the most powerful and prevalent members of the N109 Zone? You hate to admit that it gets to you. In fact, it gets so under your skin, that even when you’re dressed in the most extravagant dresses and decadent jewelry, you can’t help but feel…insecure.
Twisting in front of the mirror, you eye every detail of the dress Sylus bought you. It’s perfect, of course. The man has an annoying knack for getting you the most beautiful things and knowing exactly what fits you. The color compliments your hair and it’s comfortable to boot.
Still. You can’t help but feel like a kid trying to fit in at the adults table, wearing your mother’s heels even though they don’t fit. A bit ridiculous.
“Do you not like it?” Sylus appears behind you, dressed in a matching, lavish suit. 
You jump a little, eyes flicking up to meet his in the mirror. His eyes burn into you, reading the hesitation on your face as you curl your arms around your stomach. There’s no fiery retort or witty comment like usual. You just look back at your dress, the tips of your ears tinging pink.
A frown pulls at Sylus’ lips, his voice softening, “What’s wrong?”
“...Do you really think people believe us? That we’re together?” You ask quietly, shuffling your weight back and forth. “That I’m a good match for you?”
You’re keenly aware that you’ve never had a conversation like this with Sylus. For the most part your relationship has been filled with teasing and playful bickering. It’s always light. Or about work. This is new, and while you trust him more than anything, you hate not knowing how he will react.
Sylus hums, low and thoughtful, as he curls his arms around you, “Does it matter to you what others think?”
You let out a sigh, leaning back into his touch thankfully. You want to say no. You want to keep up the air of confidence, but that quiet voice of doubt keeps worming its way through your thoughts.
“I just…I feel like I’m not what people expect. And…” you try to explain, hesitating. Sylus presses a kiss to your shoulder, offering a hum of encouragement. Taking a deep breath, you add, “It bothers me. It feels like I’m being forced into the spotlight but I’m not meant to be there. Like I don’t fit.”
“Hmm, so you feel like an odd duckling.” You give him a small jab, and Sylus chuckles. “My apologies. I think you misunderstand the attention though.” He pulls you closer. You shiver as his lips trace along the crook of your shoulder, pressing delicate kisses up the side of your neck, until he can murmur lowly into your ear, “You’re too humble, kitten. When you walk into a room, all eyes turn to you, not out of judgment, but out of jealousy. Afterall, you’ve tamed the leader of Onychinus. Even if you walked in with your uniform, they’d look at you the same. And I get the pleasure of walking around with the most powerful-” He presses his lips to your jaw. “-beautiful-” His lips trace against your cheek. “-woman of Linkon City. Don’t let the attention of those lesser than you make you doubt, otherwise I might have to find another way to show them just how well we fit together.”
Sylus’ eyes catch yours in the mirror again. They’re dark, like coals surrounded by flickering cinders. So intense you can almost feel the flames licking along your skin. There’s not a doubt in your mind that he’s being genuine. And that sets your heart racing. Along with the way he holds you so close, equal parts possessive and reverent. Like worship.
“Your devotion might scare some people, Sylus,” you whisper, glancing sideways at him.
He flashes a dangerous smile, “Does it scare you?”
You cast one final glance at your reflections before turning around in his hold and curling your arms around his neck. Sylus raises a challenging brow.
“I’m not. I like how you stand up for me, even when it’s against my own insecurities.” You draw him down, pressing a kiss to that carnal smile. Sylus softens immediately, cupping your jaw to draw you into a deeper kiss. The warmth that simmers in each and every touch leaves you a little breathless when you pull away. Pressing against his chest before he can drag you in again, you make sure to say one last thing, “Thank you, Sylus. I’ll make sure to remember all of that…especially the part about you being wrapped around my finger.”
“Hmm, such a cruel mistress, indeed.”
“And you love me.”
A chuckle rumbles through his chest, “Yes, I do. So, will you accompany me to this auction now?”
---
Zayne
“Are you sure it’s okay that I’m going?” You ask, voice wavering with nerves as you straighten Zayne’s tie for him.
“Isn’t it natural to bring one’s partner to these kinds of events?” He tilts his head, brow perked ever so slightly.
You nod, but can’t seem to erase the frown on your lips.
A week ago, Zayne had asked if you would accompany him to his medical school’s class reunion banquet. He had been asked to give a special word, given the reputation he had developed in his time at Akso Hospital, not to mention winning the Starcatcher Award for his work.
At first, you were ecstatic to have an opportunity to learn more about his old life. He has such a thing about living in the present, you hardly get to hear any stories about his time in med school, or when he was doing rotations at the hospital. You were eager to meet the people who he used to spend time with and hopefully catch a few stories you could tease him with later.
But as the night drew closer, you started actually thinking about all the people you would be around, all of whom graduated from the same medical program Zayne did. You can only imagine how smart they all are. And how you’ll get lost the moment any medical jargon comes up. 
The more you think about it, the more nerves you feel buzzing under your skin. You know you’re not the smartest, not compared to Zayne at least. He’s a genius, after all, and could probably outsmart most anyone. You’ve always been better at the physical stuff. That’s what makes you such a good pair. 
It’s not like you can impress everyone by whipping your gun out and fighting, though. All you’ll have are your words, and you’re not particularly good with those…
You blink when a large hand suddenly circles your wrist. Glancing up, you find Zayne looking down at you, brows furrowed ever so slightly.
“While I appreciate your attention to detail, I believe you’ve been straightening my tie for five minutes now.” Heat creeps up your neck. You hadn’t even realized you had been lost in thought. Zayne’s eyes narrow inquisitively.  “What are you thinking about that has your mind so preoccupied?” 
His thumb brushes casually along the inside of your wrist, not so subtly checking your pulse. A strangely endearing habit of his when he’s worried about you. You let out a long sigh and hide your face against his chest, feeling the heat bleed across your cheeks.
How are you supposed to tell him that you’re insecure about how smart all his friends must be?
Zayne doesn’t push right away. He knows you’ll explain when you want to, and if you don’t, then he knows you’re not ready to. It was an unspoken rule between you, something you started with him because you noticed he likes to think his words out. It felt natural to offer you the same when you struggle to express yourself. Like now.
Ultimately, you figure it’s better to just be straightforward. That’s how he would do it, and it’s better than dancing around the subject.
“I guess I’m nervous because I feel like I’m going to be the dumbest person in the room tonight,” you mutter against his coat. Your fingers tap out an anxious beat against his abdomen. “It’s silly and I know it shouldn’t matter, but I just don’t want to make you look bad.”
Zayne remains quiet for a long minute. Your fingers move a little quicker, matching the stuttering rhythm of your heart. His hand slides up, gently trapping them against his body.
“Sorry,” you mumble.
“Physical tics are a common result of anxiety,” he hums dismissively, thumb smoothing over your knuckles. “As is your rapid heart rate. This truly bothers you.”
“Of course it does,” you sigh, a bit exasperated, ”You’ve worked hard to get where you are, Zayne. I love you so much, and I respect your work more than anything. I don’t, I don’t want to say something stupid and have it reflect on you badly.”
The doctor clicks his tongue, “First, I would prefer if you stop using that language to describe yourself.”
Your heart falters when his cool fingers touch your cheek, drawing your face up to his. He looks upset, but not exactly at you, the sharp line of his jaw contrasting with the softness of his eyes. Like it pains him that you think this way. Which it does.
“Those words don’t suit you. I wouldn’t allow another to call you them, so why would I allow you to?” He asserts, the corner of his lips twitching with distaste. “I don’t want to hear them again, do you understand?”
“Okay.” A thread of warmth curls around your heart when Zayne nods approvingly. His protectiveness really knows no bounds.
“Second, I do not agree with your diagnosis.” 
Your brow furrows a little. What? What does he mean, he disagrees? He’s literally surrounded by geniuses, you can’t match up to any of them if they’re anything like him. 
Seeing you start to overthink, Zayne shakes his head and gently pinches your cheek. You jolt back a little. The corners of his eyes crinkle, making you pout.
“Meanie,” you grumble, “Fine, explain your reasoning, Doctor Zayne.”
“It’s simple. Intelligence is made up of more than just academic knowledge, which, I assume, is what you are thinking of when you make such comments.” You nod. He’s not wrong about that, you guess. “Intelligence also includes the knowledge of how to use one’s strengths to achieve the best outcome. It is true that for some, this means using academic reasoning. However, it also includes those who develop the skills and discipline to maintain their bodies and fight for those who can’t, like…”
He pauses and gives you an expectant look.
“...me,” you finish slowly.
“Yes,” he hums, stroking the redness of your cheek, “I believe, under these standards, you are far more intelligent than most of the people you will meet tonight, darling. Though there is no comparison in the first place.”
His words sink in slowly but surely, filling in the cracks of your doubt. If you didn’t know better, you’d say he probably has some kind of healing magic, because you can already feel the burden of your insecurities melting away.
Leave it to Zayne to know exactly what to say, but in the most complex sounding way.
“You always know how to make me feel better, huh?” You ask, finally cracking that smile he loves.
“I am simply telling you the truth.” Zayne leans down, pressing a lingering kiss to your forehead. “There is not a lifetime in which my reputation will be more important than you. I would gladly throw it all away if it meant reminding you of that.”
You snort, “Don’t do that, please. I can only imagine the fit Doctor Greyson would throw. He’d be so mad at me.”
“I can handle Doctor Greyson, in the same way I can handle everyone tonight.” He slips his fingers between yours, bringing your hand up to kiss your knuckles. You wiggle your fingers  happily and Zayne can’t help but grin to himself. “If at any point you find yourself uncomfortable, just stay by my side and I will act as your distraction. Though, I’m sure they will all love you, just as I do.”
“...Thank you, Zayne.”
“Of course, my jasmine.”
---
Xavier
Working with Xavier is a blessing, as much as it is a curse. You couldn’t ask for a better partner. Someone who you know will always have your back, who can handle himself completely, who is probably the most talented hunter you’ve ever met in your entire life. He’s undeniably amazing.
On the flip side of that, though, you often fall into the trap of thinking about how he deserves better. Wondering if, maybe, the only reason he chose to stay with you was because of the aether core in your heart. If that’s also the reason you’re in a relationship now…
And some days, these thoughts win out over the rest. Like today.
“What’s wrong?”
You blink, eyes flickering up from the bowl of ramen in front of you. Early on, you had started a tradition of eating a meal together after a successful mission, to just enjoy the peace of your home and each other. But today, you weren’t feeling that hungry, just…tired.
Xavier tilts his head, concern furrowing his brow - he noticed your mood start to shift days before, but didn’t want to push since you didn’t seem to notice it yourself. Now, though, it’s too obvious for him to ignore.
“I’m fine,” you sigh, flicking your chopsticks back and forth to watch the noodles swirl around in the broth, a small frown capturing your lips. It’s a horribly obvious lie.
“Is it something I did?” His voice isn’t accusatory or upset. It’s just a rational question to help him figure out what’s wrong. Still, you feel guilt tug at your chest, and you set the chopsticks down with another sigh.
You don’t want him to think that. You’d never blame Xavier for something like this. That would be like asking him to be a worse person, which is stupid. It’s just you. Your problem. Dragging him into it will only make you feel worse.
“No, Xavier, you didn’t do anything, promise. I’m not upset…with you.” 
“But you are upset.”
Chancing a glance up at him proves a bad idea, making it all that more difficult to keep your thoughts quiet. Behind his normal sleepy expression, worry gleams in the deep blue of his eyes, unyielding and undeniably calm, like waves lapping gently at the beach. 
The sight makes your heart ache and the words are tumbling out of your mouth before you can stop them, “Do you think I’m actually a suitable partner for you?”
Surprise flickers across the hunter’s face. Of all the things he was expecting you to say, that wasn’t even on the list. He doesn’t laugh though, or take your question lightly.
“Do you mean, as a hunting partner? Or as a romantic partner?”
You shift uncomfortably, eyes falling back to your ramen, “I don’t know. Both, I guess?”
He hums softly. You try to ignore the nerves fluttering in your chest as Xavier gets up, watching him out of the corner of your eye as he circles the table to stand next to you. The hunter drips his head, catching your gaze.
“May I see your hand?”
A small frown pulls at your lips, not exactly sure where he’s going with this, but you offer him your hand anyways. Xavier takes your wrist, touch featherlight, and moves it so your hand is held up flat, facing him. Your brow furrows.
“Xav-”
“Look.” 
Pursing your lips, you let out a little huff. He really hates giving direct answers, doesn’t he? Still, you’re in no place to really judge him, or expect anything for that matter. He’s always been a bit of a mystery to you.
You watch as Xavier places his hand against yours. His palm is warm and you can feel the calluses from who knows how many years of hunting. Your hand looks tiny in comparison, his pale, delicate fingers long enough to curl over your own a little. The sight makes your heart squeeze, fondness competing with the feeling of being so…small.
“They’re pretty different,” Xavier hums, voice still calm, his own eyes fixed on your hands. “Your fingers are always cold, and your hands are small. You have a scar here.” His free hand grazes the side of your palm, along your pinky. “And here” He traces another along your knuckle. Your breath falters at the tenderness behind his touch, like you’re delicate porcelain. “Mine are in different places. Yours are skilled at weaving silk balls and mine can…open jars.”
You snort. Xavier’s eyes dart up to yours, sparkling with humor, a brow raised. You try to smother your laughter, rather ineffectively, and motion for him to continue.
“They’re different, but-” His fingers spread apart, and you mimic him instinctually, only for his fingers to slot between yours in one fluid motion. You inhale softly, laughter dying in your throat. It’s like two puzzle pieces fitting together, a perfect embrace that washes over you with a comforting warmth.
Xavier watches you, keenly aware of the way you squeeze his hand tightly, desperately, like you’re worried it might disappear. He gives yours a tender squeeze in return, thumb brushing over your knuckle.
“I think they’re a suitable match. Don’t you?”
God, how could you go without this man? The worries that have been pricking at the back of your mind all week seem to melt away. It leaves you with that warmth, the kind that only comes from Xavier, that he offers you over and over again.
You give his hand another squeeze, finally smiling, “Yah. I do…Thanks, Xavier.”
The hunter leans down, pressing a sweet kiss to your forehead. You can feel his lips brush against your skin as he murmurs, “Let me know if you ever feel this way again, angel. I’ll be more than glad to remind you.”
“I will.”
---
This was really fun to write!!! I really hope you guys like it! There are so many freaking tags on this puppy.
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justeliiijah · 2 years ago
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tttthoughts. are being had.
I am BEGGING yall to remember that "gay panic" means "i killed this person because theyre gay so you cant jail me for it" and NOT "UwU too gay to function"
Yall CANNOT reclaim this one please stop trying
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euthymiya · 29 days ago
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Sukuna hates your job. He also hates early mornings. If you put them both together, he hates the fact that your job requires you to wake up early in the morning—and by default, him, too.
“Sukuna,” you sigh. It’s the same back and forth every day. A nonstop battle of push and pull as you try to leave your (sadly comfortable) bed while he stubbornly keeps his arm draped around your body. “C’mon, we do this every day.”
“Yeah, so then stop,” he grumbles. 
“I meant you,” you purse your lips. “We wouldn’t do this every day if you would just let go.”
“We wouldn’t do this every day if you’d quit wakin’ me up.”
You let out an exasperated exhale as his arms curl around your waist tighter, pulling you closer so he can bury his face into your chest. You don’t like to admit that you somewhat encourage his difficult behavior by letting your fingers weave into his messy hair, raking your nails along his scalp while he shivers lightly. 
“I can’t cuddle you forever, you know,” you hum, smiling softly despite the absurdity of it all. “We have bills to pay.”
“I don’t need cuddles,” he grunts. It’s a ridiculously blatant lie—you’re getting dangerously close to running late because he won’t let you leave the bed, and the only reason for that is because he stubbornly refuses to let your body disentangle from his.
You expect nothing less from him, of course. You’re not naive enough to think Sukuna would admit that he appreciates having your body pressed close against his, but the evidence of his rather grumpy frown is enough that you’re contently able to assume. Gently, you pinch his cheek, grinning as you murmur, “You’re pretty clingy in the mornings.”
“Be quiet.”
“Not even going to deny it, huh?” You tease, giggling softly as he cracks open an eye and glares through sleepy, bleary pupils. “You’re down bad.”
You like to think you and Sukuna have come a long way. It’s hard to break through walls and navigate how far you can push through his exterior when it’s as tough of an exterior as it is. The first time you dare to reach between your bodies and hold his hand, yours is clammy from overthinking his reaction. What if he pulls away? Or swats your hand away? Or gets annoyed? Or weirded out? What if he realizes he doesn’t like you like that? Your brain runs a mile a minute, coming up with every worst possible outcome for ages before you have the nerve to close the gap.
(It was all for nothing in the end. He’d casually tightened his grip, of course, so your inner pep talk in your head was a pointless fit of anxiety, but you don’t think you can be blamed. He’s not exactly the most emotionally available individual.)
Now, you think fondly, he never lets go. There’s always a hand on your body. The ones that rest on your hips as he stands from behind. The one that grabs your wrist to tug you along so you keep up. The one casually laid across your thigh as you sit. The one that hikes up your shirt when he’s particularly shameless. 
He clicks his teeth with a scowl as he glances up at you and grunts, “I’m not down bad. I barely even tolerate you.”
“You seem pretty obsessed to me. I guess being this beautiful is hard to ignore, huh?”
You can practically feel the smile he’s fighting back, grinning down at him as he tries to keep his scowl painted firmly on. “It’s too early for this, brat. Get back in bed.”
“Baby, I’d love to. But I have work,” you argue, pouting.
He pretends he doesn’t hear you. You scoff incredulously as he simply pulls the blankets tighter over his shoulders and settles against your body, trying to fall back asleep as if you’re not behind schedule and risking an angry questioning from your manager. And as aggravated as you should be, you’re not.
You can’t be. (Because, really, who else has the luxury of witnessing Sukuna be clingy? Certainly no one else but you. What sort of fool would you be not to take advantage of it from time to time?)
“I know you can hear me,” you roll your eyes.
“Then you’re perfectly aware I’m ignoring you,” he huffs.
“Don’t be stubborn—I’ll be back before you know it,” you hum, pressing a kiss to his forehead.
He melts a bit, but his grip only gets tighter if anything. “You’re not leaving at all. Now let me sleep.”
You slump back against your pillows in defeat, letting him smugly doze off again as he presses half of his body weight over you, just to be sure you don’t try to escape. You watch the rise and fall of every steady breath. The way the usual crinkles on his face from his almost permanent frown are smoothed out. The way his lips are parted and soft puffs of air exhale every few moments. You can’t help but think how far you and Sukuna have come. How easily it is to love him and feel loved—how impossible it seemed at one point to know if he even cared.
And if you end up sending a quick text to lie about being too sick to come in just to cuddle some more, you think there are worse things to lie about.
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