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thatgirlyourejected · 4 years ago

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Yakuza Deku

Big Update 3/17/21

“Just pray that you’ll be born with a quirk in your next life, then take a swan dive off the roof!”

No...

“I’m sorry, but you can’t be a hero without a quirk.”

Stop...

“I’m sorry Izuku, I’m so sorry.”

SHUT UP!

I don’t want to hear it! I don’t want to hear the voices of people who believe I can never amount to anything! Bakugou, All Might, Mom... I want nothing to do with any of you ever again! I’ll prove that I can amount to something, even if it means I have to play the villain! I’ll let you see the monster you made!

Life sucks...

Reality is cruel…

All Might is a fraud…

The day I found out I was quirkless, I knew things would never be the same again.

“I’m sorry Izuku, I’m so sorry.” My mom hugged me as we both cried, the video of All Might playing on loop.

In that moment was the time I learnt my first lesson; Life isn’t fair…

***

Years passed, now I find myself in my 3rd year of middle school. Kacchan had thrown my now charred journal out the window into the school fountain, him and his friends laughing as I scrambled after it.

Later that same day…

“Just pray that you’ll be born with a quirk in your next life, then take a swan dive off the roof!”

That’s what Kacchan told me… he must really abhor me if he can say something like that to me…

In those two moments I learnt my second lesson; people change…

***

“Can a quirkless person be a hero?” That’s what I asked him… you’d think when faced with this question a hero would say “if you try your best,” or “anything is possible…” but what he said brought my whole world crashing down, shattering my heart whilst simultaneously stomping on what remained.

“I’m sorry, but you can’t be a hero without a quirk.” That’s what he said… leaving me in the dust.

In that moment I learnt my third lesson; Never meet your idols…

Now I find myself here, sitting at my computer hands hovering over the keyboard, unsure of what to write.

I've found a website for blogging, it’s not very popular, so I don’t risk anyone from school finding out about it. The site itself is old, but has a certain charm to it… that’s what initially caught my eye. Without much thought I’d created an account, @AnotherUnknownAnomaly my chosen username. I wanted it to reflect how I felt at the moment, unknown, isolated, a freakish flaw in the system that is this messed up world. I take a deep breath, collecting myself, my fingers glide from key to key at a steady pace, letting my observations freely flow.

...

Entry #1; The Analysis Of Eraserhead:

Eraserhead is an underground hero who mostly works from the shadows. His quirk like his name suggests erases another's quirk.

Here’s the breakdown:

-eyes glow red when his quirk is active.

-he can erase any quirk except mutation quirks.

Drawbacks/weaknesses:

-His eyes must stay open and on his target the entire time.

-Blinking or taking his eyes off his opponent could prove fatal.

-He basically fights quirkless against his opponents, this gives him a level playing field, but if his opponent's quirk is mutation he will be at a disadvantage.

-In a case where he finds himself at a disadvantage he has his capture weapon to help restrain his opponent.

-There’s a flaw to using the capture weapon against a strong opponent, the stronger of the two can use eraserheads’ momentum against him.

-The capture weapon is able to be used against its wielder, choking them is a good example.

…

I submitted the post after briefly going over it for any mistakes, if I missed anything I can always go back and add more. I blinked blearily, looking at the clock on the computer screen, 2 a.m. I turned the computer off pushing my chair away from the desk.

I spent the rest of the night in a restless sleep, the nightmares plaguing me never seem to end...

I am here! I am here! I am here! I a-!

I slammed the off button, sitting up rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

I look at the All Might alarm clock with a sneer, I should really get rid of that junk I scoffed at the hideous thing. Just looking at the hideous thing leaves me with a bitter taste in my mouth, and a small pang in my heart. I promptly got ready for the dreaded school day. Just before leaving I grabbed the clock swiftly throwing it into the trash, not even sparring it a glance… “No turning back now,” I muttered under my breath resolving myself for the future that awaited me ahead... be it dark or bright I will keep walking forward into the unknown.

The walk to school is always filled with anxiety, because I know what’s or who’s waiting for me at the school entrance, Kacchan and his friends. I should just take my time getting to school, if I'm lucky they’d have already headed into class. I wasn’t paying attention crossing the street, still stuck in my head. A hand roughly grabbed me by my arm dragging me backwards, just in time a loud honk came before a big truck came barreling past where I had been walking. It was surreal, my ears ringing, my vision hazy…

“-id!”

“He-”

“-ear!”

I could faintly hear a voice…

“Kid, I’m asking if you can hear me!?”

I blinked looking at the person who was gripping my shoulders. He wore a medical mask, his hair black as night, his eyes a sharp gold.

“I-... what happened?” I asked, disoriented.

“You need to be more careful kid, you almost got yourself killed.” the man sighed. “Though i’m sure you have a quirk that might prevent that. I’d also prefer it if i didn't get filthy with your blood, so pay attention next time.”

I looked into his gold eyes, “If I did have a quirk maybe I could survive, but i'm quirkless.” I looked away, not wanting to see another look of disappointment. It was quiet for a second, no one spoke. “You’re really quirkless?” the man asked.

Big update under editing but more details and a lot more has been added enjoy

#villain deku #villain izuku #villain #deku #izuku #izuku midoriya #bnha #boku no hero academia #au #villain deku au #yakuza izuku #yakuza deku #preview #fanfic #update #mha #chapter #yakuza #my hero academia

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moonshine-and-midnight · 5 years ago

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Hey honey, hope you're fine. I would like to ask you a question, do you have any tips or advice for a beginner in tarot? Cause I bought my first tarot deck :) (finally ahah) You did me 2 readings and you were very accurate! Have a nice day ❤️

Hey there, dear, I’m doing well, thank you 🌸, hope you’re well, too.

I feel extremely humbled that you ask me so I went ahead and wrote down what worked for me and what I would want to have been told when I began learning. Below, I covered some things that came to my mind instantly but it might not be a very sound beginner post.

Take what works, dear, and leave what feels off or “wrong” ❤︎

The Deck

Get a deck that has art that touches you, that has art you feel connected to, and which you do not feel “forced” to look at.

Try to pick a deck that shows illustrated scenes. There are many great decks out there which have a pip style (4 sticks or wands for 4 of wands), but for a beginner, seeing a scene on the card (for the 4 of wands it’s two people waving, looking happy, as if celebrating something) makes learning much easier.

The Rider-Waite-Smith Tarot Deck is very popular and while it’s not the prettiest to look at, I recommend it for study purposes.

If you do get a pip-style deck, try to get your hands on a cheap copy of a Rider-Waite-Smith deck. When you draw your card or lay out a spread with your pip-style deck, lay the same spread with your cheap copy of the RWS so you can look at the images there for help with interpretation.

Taking care of your deck

You do not need an expensive silk cloth or an artistically crafted wooden box to store it. You can, but a shawl, an old T-Shirt, leftover material of a blanket or pillow cover, or scarf is enough to protect your deck from rough surfaces, dust, and too much light.

If you want to take your deck with you, make sure you don’t put it into your bag unprotected. Especially not if there are things in your bag that can scratch the card or get them wet or sticky. I recommend buying a small bag to put it in. My own bag was 7 Euro, it’s a durable material that won’t immediately let water pass through, and it is big enough for the cards not to get bend or angled in any way.

If you chose not to take it with you, make sure to place it somewhere where not too much sunlight can reach it. Not because it will negatively affect its energy, but because depending on the style (most of mine are rather dark), the color can fade quicker than it would usually.

I like to put a clear quartz crystal or amethyst crystal with my decks in their bags or at least on their bags but that is just personal preference.

Make sure to not use your deck on dirty surfaces, too rough surfaces, or dusty surfaces. I would recommend making sure that if cards fall to the floor, the patch of floor is clean enough for them not to get soiled.

Bonding

Put it near you or under your pillow when you sleep.

Keep it with you throughout your day if possible.

Shuffle it throughout the day, talk to it, take time out of your day to just look at the imagery. Don’t bother about keywords yet or about “doing it right or wrong” - there is no right or wrong.

Take it to a favorite place of yours and sit with it there.

Sit with it on your balcony, at the window, hold it and just spend some time together.

Use it, either draw a card daily with the intention to learn about the drawn card that day or ask it questions and try to interpret them with your intuition through what you get from the imagery on the cards you drew.

There are spreads all over Tumblr to “get to know your deck”, but honestly, you can ask it any question. I love talking to my decks when I get to know them. I ask them what they want me to respect about them, what they don’t like, I tell them I will take good care of them, that I will include them in my day either with using them or just carrying them around, I promise mine to spend time with them after each reading as I feel uncomfortable just putting them away after receiving advice and guidance from them. I wouldn’t turn around and leave a friend in such a situation, so I wouldn’t do so with my deck either. However, that is my personal practice and by no means something you need to do, dear.

Keywords

openlibrary.org has many books available on Tarot. There are biddytarot and other websites offering keywords for interpretations, there is a whole lot of books written just with keywords - pick one thing, perhaps the guidebook your deck came with and go with that for getting down the basics. If the keywords of your guidebook don’t resonate at all, find a different source and study with that.

Do yourself a favor and don’t overwhelm yourself, dear. Pick one resource, then go through it top to bottom. Pick one to three keywords for each card max. Decide beforehand if you want to read with reversals or without. Take it slow, honey.

Once you picked a source of information you feel comfortable studying from, get yourself a notebook and a pen - doesn’t need to be fancy either. Write down the card, your own thoughts, what you see, and then take a look at your resource. Pick one to three keywords from the resource of your choice.

I recommend doing one or two cards max a day, with reversals or not. You may want to pull a card each evening in terms of “What energy was most dominating in my day today” and see if you can somehow relate this card to your day. Use your own thoughts first, dear. Your intuition always weighs more than a generic keyword from a book.

Reading the cards

Again, trust your intuition. Keep in mind how a card makes you feel, do you tense when you see it? Do you smile? Is there a pressure in your chest or stomach when you look at it? Do you feel light? Even if you don’t really have any thoughts for a card, there almost always is a feeling you have when you draw it.

Start with small spreads - two cards to three cards max. Go slow, write down the positions of your spread, the question asked, and then just dive in. Write down a description of what you see if you have to, sometimes it takes a while to get your intuition flowing.

Watch where people or objects point at, for example where do the court cards look? Where does the Hermits lantern point at? Where is the hand of the Queen Of Swords reaching out to?

Look for dominating suits, do cards “jump out” while you shuffle? On this aspect, note these cards. If a lot fall out, you just need a bit more practice when it comes to shuffling but if only one jumps out, or perhaps two or three at max. in one shuffle, then they usually carry a message they want you to know.

Your Tarot Journal

An entry in your tarot journal might look like this:

Question and dateThe card(s)your own thoughtsthings that caught your attentionkeywords according to your chosen sourceyour thoughts on how the keywords relate (or why they don’t)a reflection a few days or weeks later, depending on the question

Scattered bits and bites

You do not need a ritual to “awaken” your cards, the moment you touch them, open the package, handle them, talk to them, they are yours, dear.

Be respectful to them as you would be with a dear friend

Before your first use, hold them into the sunlight, knock on the back three times and imagine white light flowing into them - this is you cleansing them off any lingering energies.

You DO NOT need to cleanse them regularly. If they feel off or whacky in their answers, they most likely are just “tired” and need a rest. I like laying mine into the sun or moonlight once in a while. Personally, cleansing them regularly would feel like resetting their “memories” of our readings, my energy, the things I’ve told them and what we did together by that point.

You do not need a teacher to be a tarotist. You do not need a family that practices tarot for generations to be a tarotist. It does not matter what religion you have - you can practice tarot regardless, do not let anyone tell you otherwise. Tarot is not evil and it can not invite evil spirits in your home.

keep a tarot journal oh dear please do, it will help you so so so much in the long run

if you feel like wanting to have a more ritualistic approach to reading, go ahead, dear. Make your own ritual, perhaps follow someone else’s ritual - whatever makes you comfortable.

meditate regularly with your cards on your lap as if inviting them to join you, it helps with bonding and helps you with keeping your mind “open” for the card’s answers. Try to feel their energy, try to picture them in your mind.

Lastly, Tarot differs greatly from one reader to another, find what makes you happy and enthusiastic about it and keep to that, no matter what the opinion of any other reader is. This is yours through and through, darling, no one has a say in your practice.

Reach out to others who already read Tarot when you have a specific question. Most will gladly answer your questions, dear.

Did I already mention to always trust your gut? Because always trust your gut.

#not a reading #beginner tarot #tarot for beginners #tarot 101

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uncloseted · 4 years ago

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Hey Christina. I’ve been struggling with deciding whether or not to go back to college, or just finish my short IT program and move to another city. I live in Alabama and I really hate it here, there’s been so many things going wrong in my life and I’m gay and incredibly lonely as well. I feel like my wants overlap my needs, sometimes, though, and I focus more on those things, than what would help me be better off in the future. If I do go back to school, I wanna do Journalism, but I’m 21, and I feel like I have so long in school, since I was only halfway through getting my Associate’s degree. I just feel so stuck in my life right now and I want a big change. What do you think I should do? Thank you for being here and being a voice in these heavy times. It really means a lot to read your posts and responses. It’s a comfort for me and has been since I was 15 years old. Thank you, again. 🖤

Hi! Is it weird to say that I remember you and wonder how you’re doing sometimes? Thank you for sticking around for so long. You have no idea how much that means to me.

When it comes to figuring out next steps, I think it’s important to ask yourself what a perfect life would look like for you and then to try and choose a path that will make that happen. In your case, it seems like you’ve wanted to move out of Alabama for a while, so I would try to figure out a way to make that happen. Finishing your IT program sounds like a good idea to me because you can take an IT job anywhere and it makes pretty good money.

If you get an IT job in another city, then you can save up money while you figure out which Journalism programs you’re interested in, how to apply/afford those programs, and where those programs might take you (don’t rule out international programs! It’s hard to find ones that are both English speaking and low cost/totally free, but they’re out there). Maybe you could even apply to some local newspaper or online journalism internships while you work your IT job to see if you like actually being in the industry.

I know it can feel daunting to go back to school after having taken time off (I’ve been. there), but nobody will really care about your age once you get to college, and they definitely won’t care about your age (or even ask how old you are) once you graduate. Especially for a career in journalism, I think going back to school is a good idea because that’s the easiest way to network within the industry and it may help you get prestigious internships that could turn into a job once you graduate.

That said, there are definitely ways to break into the industry without going to school, too. Working for a small publication in an entry level job can lead to higher and higher positions within the publication, and potentially put you in a position where you could then apply for bigger publications later. The internet is also a great way to break into the industry- for example, a lot of online publications accept articles people send to them. If you write a successful blog/have your own successful website, you can even skip applying to other publications entirely and become an independent news source yourself. College isn’t the be all and end all. It can just be a helpful springboard sometimes.

It’s also okay if you end up moving and deciding you hate the city you moved to, or that IT isn’t for you, or that IT is for you and journalism isn’t, or if you decide to study something else entirely. I think sometimes we can get trapped in our ideas of what the “right” ways to do things are, but the truth is that there are no rules. You can go back to school at 40, or change jobs at 53, or completely pick up and restart your life somewhere else when you’re 70. In my opinion, we all have to take risks to be our happiest and most successful selves. But when those risks work out, it’s so incredibly worth it. And if they don’t? There’s always a way to change things for the better. I don’t think people ever really become set in stone.

I hope that helps a bit. If you need help with literally anything at all, figuring out the logistics of moving or college applications or whatever, you know where to find me.

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jaehyeonsgf · 5 years ago

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dear friend

summary : mark’s therapist suggests that he picks up journaling and mark uses it explore his friendship with you through the years.

tw : car accidents leading to death.

Mark nibbles the tip of his pen in search of what to write, of where to begin. His therapist recommended that he starts keeping a journal, to keep track of his thoughts and emotions. Somehow Mark decides to write it to you because you’d understand. You’ve always understood him. You’d be the only person he felt comfortable sharing his unfiltered thoughts.

“Where do I start?” Mark asked, hands grazing the faux leather cover of the journal his therapist had bought for him.

His therapist start smiled kindly – the kind of smile that was practiced to perfection. “Anywhere Mark. The beginning would be good.”

Dear friend,

Today my therapist suggested starting a journal, so I’m writing to you. I think you’d understand, you’ve always understood me anyways. I really don’t know where to begin so I’ll start from the start. With us.

I remember the first day of elementary school. You were beside me. You took your small hands and held mine. You squeezed it and it reassured me. It was enough to get my tears to stop spilling out of my eyes.

“Mark!” Your voice was sharp, “Today we are grown-up!” You declared so loudly that even other kids took notice of you.

The other students’ parents were pointing at us and laughing. They thought we were so cute.

“Are they sibling?” one of the parents asked your mother.

Before your mother could answer her, you did with all the confidence a seven-year-old could have.

“No, Mark isn’t my sew-bling,” you frowned at the word ‘sibling’, “Mark is my huss-band!”

I just nodded enthusiastically. We both didn’t understand why the adult were laughing at our ‘cuteness’. We were very sincere about it. I guess, I hadn’t understood the impact of your words. Or my agreement to it. But even at 7, I knew that if being your huss-band meant that I could stand by your side forever, I would gladly be your huss-band. Whatever that meant.

Later that year, I would fall trying to learn how to ride a bicycle. I had scrapped my knees (the scar is still present now) and the pain had cause tears to flood my eyes. Our parents were too busy getting ready for the barbeque that they hadn’t realise.

But you came running to me. Your little legs carried you as fast as they could to my side. Again, you held my hand and squeeze it.

“You are a big boy now, no more crying!”

Looking back at it, you were always the fearless one, the one that stood by my side and steadied me. Even when my parents weren’t there, you were. I could count on you no matter what. Perhaps that’s why I believed, truly from the bottom of my heart that even if the world crashed and collapsed around us, if I had you, I would be fine.

Mark finishes his first entry, and places his journal and his writing pen – that he bought at the dollar store just to write in said journal – on his nightstand. That night i the first night that he felt a sense of peace in his heart. Maybe it was the subconscious spilling of his heart to you (well, not actually you you) again.

For the first time in two years, he has a sorta decent sleep.

He forgets all about the journal until a few days later when he came back from a cabin retreat that Doyoung insisted he’d go.

Dear friend,

I just returned from a cabin retreat at Hanuel National Park. Doyoung had insisted that I come along. Said that the whole gang’s gonna be there and that they didn’t want me missing out. I don’t think you’ve met Doyoung, he’s the new addition to the gang. He’s a blunt guy with a good heart. I think you’d really like him if you meet him.

It brought back so many memories. I remember that we first went there when we were fourteen. Our parents had booked a retreat in the mountains during spring break and since it was our first time staying over in the wilderness, you had looked up a bunch of websites, trying to find the best spots of the place.

We had our own cabin. Just the two of us. Our little world.

Most people would go hiking in the day, but not you. You said that you read an article online about one of the most stunning places to stargaze is at Hanuel National Park and that you wouldn’t leave without visiting it at least once.

“It’s totally photoshopped,” I grumbled when you excitedly shoved your phone screen infront of me, showing me the apparent night sky at the park.

You pouted and whined. “Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease Mark.”

And even though I preferred to stay in our cabin, reading a chapter from Naruto, I agreed. The way your eyes lit up in delight as you flashed your million dollars smile at me was enough to make up for it. You shoved your backpack full of stuff, and in your moment of frenzy, I think you even shoved some of my stuff in it.

“Dude, do you really need my bag of marshmallow? I thought you said it’d be a quick hike.”

You smiled sheepishly. And I knew what that smile meant. I just groaned as I pulled a windbreak over myself and slipped on my boots.

I still remember the harsh winds blowing through the forest, the claustrophobic fear that tugged in my heart as we pushed our way through the dense foliage.

“If we ever make it back to civilisation, I’m going to kill you,” I huffed.

“When,” you corrected, tossing me a glare, “When we make it back.”

“If.”

You rolled your eyes at me. At least, I think you did. In the darkness of the woods, with the only light coming from your dimmed down phone screen (to save battery) and the cheap dollar store flashlight in my hand, I couldn’t see anything. I could barely see you.

You were afraid too. I could tell from the way you would anxiously look past your shoulder, making sure that I’m following you in your every step as if you would think that I’d ditch you last minute.

I can’t lie and say that thought didn’t cross my mind. But somehow your glances made me irritated that you would even consider that.

“Dude, are we getting there yet?” I asked for the tenth, or was it eleventh, time of the night.

You clicked your tongue in annoyance. “We just started.”

“I think we’re lost,” I muttered, kicking aside a branch.

“No we are not,” you gritted through your teeth.

But your fearless façade fell the moment the light from your screen disappeared.

“Shit,” you said, suddenly stopping in your track. “Shitshitshit.”

You frantically tapped the screen, and when that didn’t work, you began pressing on all the buttons of your phone. But it was clear that your phone died.

“Shitshitshitshit,” you mumbled under your breath.

“Okay, calm down,” I tried to reassure you. “Let’s just go there another day alright?”

When you started hyperventilating, I thought you were just sad or angry or frustrated that we couldn’t visit the place. And by this point in the night, we had made a considerable distance from the our cabins. Little did I know I was wrong.

“Let’s walk back.”

You stood frozen. I was so confused.

“Let’s walk back,” I said again, this time a little louder.

But again, you just stood there, rooted on the ground. And it took me a moment to realise what happened.

You were scared. Of the darkness.

I hadn’t realise it until you told me later on, that although you were so terrified of the dark, you loved the stars. You had kept yourself steady on the brightness of your phone, ignoring the darkness outside of the screen as you led the way but when your phone died, the darkness came rushing into your vision.

For the first time in our friendship, I was the one that took your hand and led you back to our cabins. The walk back was quiet and somehow it felt longer when we weren’t quarrelling or bantering.

That night I learned that you had fears too. I also learned that you liked the stars. I wonder if you liked the stars simply because they tore through the veil of darkness or if it was because they shone despite the darkness, not letting it consumed them.

I hope it’s the latter. Because then I can say that you were like a star and not in some shitty poetic metaphor. But because of the years that were ahead of you.

That night, Mark places the journal in his leather sling bag – the one bag that he uses for everything. Taeyong has told him before that there are bags for everything, but you can’t use a bag for everything.

Mark doesn’t care. There are more things in life that Mark has to deal with outside of his banal fashion.

Dear friend, I’m writing to you on a piece of paper, just because I’m on a train, going out of Seoul to Jeju Island. I was reminded of the first time we’ve been separated. My family took a week long vacation to Paris. And yea sure, there was the Lourve, Mona Lisa and the Eiffel Tower but I spent the whole week just marking the days off with little crosses on my calendar. It was also the first time I wrote letters to you. Although by the time my posted letter reached you, I had already been back to Seoul. I wrote about the beautiful sights in Paris, the macarons I ate and that one rude waiter that was cursing at my family in Italian. Back then, I felt good knowing that I had someone to talk to, even if you weren’t physically there with me. Perhaps it’s the same wi

Mark curses when he had ran out of space on the napkin. He was too lazy to ask for another napkin so he just neatly folds the blue stained napkin and pushes it safely into his pocket. He spends the rest of the train ride looking out of the window, taking in the greenery that he hadn’t seen in awhile.

Mark is in Jeju for Taeil’s wedding. His therapist encouraged him to come, saying that it would do him some good to get some socialising. Yet, even as everyone mingles in the reception, Mark hides himself on the outside balcony, sipping on some punch.

“Hey stranger,” Doyoung says.

The familiar voice jolts him, bringing him out of his own thoughts. Eerily, he remembers that hey, stranger, was your first words to him when he returned from Paris.

“Hey,” Mark replies, giving the taller man a practiced smile. The same smile his therapist gives him at the end of every session.

“How’s it going? How are you?”

“Good now,” Mark breathes out, hoping that Doyoung doesn’t press any further. Not that he is lying, simply because Doyoung reminds him so much of you. The way his casual smile has a reassuring feeling, the way it echoes your voice in his head “I’m right here”.

And Doyoung doesn’t question him further.

They spend all evening together, Doyoung helps Mark when old friends come up to him and try to catch up by asking about you, Doyoung helps Mark when the banal table conversations bores him to death and Doyoung helps until the wedding ceremony ends. Mark can’t lie, Doyoung helps him forget momentarily about the constant thoughts and it calms him down when he’s with Doyoung.

Maybe, Mark thinks to himself, it’s because Doyoung is a clean slate who knows nothing about the past.

“I’m glad you were there,” Mark says as he enters his cab.

Doyoung stands on the road, nodding and waving at him to leave. “It’s the least I could do.”

Mark’s mental health only deteriorated when he arrives back in Seoul. He’s swamped with work and barely has time to breathe and so he forgets about his journal.

He pushes himself to the extreme, taking on projects after projects and numbing himself with work.

It isn’t until he comes down with a serious case of flu, rendering him almost immobile that he remembers about the journal.

Dear friend,

It’s been awhile. I’ve been busy at work until now. Unfortunately, no one’s home to take care of me. I’m missing your warm stews and your barrage of scolding. This ache in my heart is a familiar feeling.

I think it was the first year of high school. Of course, we ended up going to the same high school and, as luck would have it, we were in the same class. By this time, we were seventeen, and more importantly, I was seventeen. You didn’t need to hold my hand nor did you need to encourage me. Yet you were still there, right by myself as I walked into the school building.

Half-a-year of high school normalcy later, my family was turned upside down.

See, we both were very coddled, I think you would agree. Our city-lives were considerably better than many others. So my mother’s death was the first thing actual chaos that I’ve experienced.

Who would have known that taking an extra shift would have been so costly?

Mom didn’t have to be there. But she took an extra shift. She said it would go to my college fund. Mine.

She left work at 4 AM that day. Unfortunately she never reached home. A truck driver was drunk driving and, even though she had waited for the green man to light up at the intersection just in front of my home, the driver hadn’t stop.

She died on impact. There was no hoping for another outcome.

You were there with me, on the hospital floor, as I wailed, cursing God. You sobbed silently too.

A simple accident caused the family to fall apart. My dad spiralled into alcoholism and I spiralled into numbness. I lost the woman I had loved the most. The days when you would come straight to my house after school and just sigh at the mess I’ve become, before cooking me warm stew and using it to coax me out of bed.

You’d consider the day a success if I even drank just a spoonful of your soup.

I didn’t tell you but I hated that you were ever-so-polite in my house. The loud and boisterous you also seemed affected by the cursed place that was my house. I didn’t tell you but the silence within those four walls drove me crazy. It was like a hand, choking me until I couldn’t breathe. Each time you’d come over, I wished you would just talk normally. Tell me about your problems. Rant about the petty arguments you had in school. But you never did.

And I’m not blaming you. It was what it was. You did your best.

But the worse had yet to come.

When Ten had sent out a mass invite for his birthday party, you and I were both shocked to receive one. I had gotten a little better then and wanted to go out and have some fun for the first time in a while.

I saw your hesitation. “It’s Ten’s birthday party. Are you sure?”

I knew what you hinted at, the alcohol. I guess a part of you was also fearful that I’d end up like my father. And you were right to.

The thump of muffled music couple with incoherent voices were audible even before the both of us got to the house. I tried to convince you that not all frat parties are bad. That sure, alcohol’s there but there’s no harm right? You tried to shrug it off like it’s no big deal. The pungent stench of beer immediately filled our noes when we walked into Ten’s mansion, but I was used to it. This was the same odour of my father.

You shifted nervously and I wished that we had just left right there and then. But we didn’t.

“Come on,” I plead, “It’ll be fun.”

You didn’t even have the time to respond before Taeyong spotted me. I had a few classes with him before everything went south so I dragged you along toward him.

“Hey, haven’t seen you in awhile man,” Taeyong greeted me. He passed me a red sole cup and it didn’t take a genius to figure out the contents of it.

I rejected it. I knew that alcohol was a poison. I knew that I shouldn’t accept it. There must be more to parties than just loud music and alcohol… right?

My rejection caused the table to look at me curiously. I recognised some of them. Jaehyun and Johnny from the swimmers’ team were there. So was Taeil from the choir. We’ve heard of them. If life was a high school drama movie, they’ll be the clichéd popular jocks.

Suddenly, I felt the pressure to give in, the yearn for some sort of acceptance, even if superficial. You glanced at me, your eyes pleading for me to not take the cup.

I took it. But I didn’t have to drink it… right?

Taeyong smiled before handing another cup to you. I didn’t miss your desperate glances, I didn’t miss you tugging at the hem of my shirt asking for help, an excuse, anything. But I pretended I did.

Of course I did. I had to. Especially hearing how the table began to chortle unkindly at your rejection of the cup.

“Well, I guess even at a party, I shouldn’t have expected you to take it,” Taeyong said as he set the cup back on the table.

All of a sudden, I felt the predatory eyes of the people at the table. For the first time since the incident, I became the normal one whereas you were the weird one.

I should have stepped in and defended her. But I didn’t. I should have left the party and chased after you when you stumbled backwards, eyes brimming with tears before running out. But I didn’t. When the new group of friends that I found myself with started making jokes at your expense, calling you a prude, a goody-two-shoes, a bore, I should have done something, anything. But I didn’t. I laughed with them too.

The dark sadistic string within me felt… acceptance and freedom.

For the first time in our lives, we were truly, truly separated. I thought this was true liberation.

When Johnny asked me why didn’t I ditch you long ago, I didn’t tell them about how you’ve been the cornerstone of my life. Instead I replied with, “I ask myself that all the time.”

That night, as you ran away from my side and I did nothing to stop you, it felt like a new start. A clean slate. Finally I could rid myself of you, the you who knew me better than I knew myself, the you who accepted me for me, the you who’d give up your life in a heartbeat if it was for me but more importantly, the you that knew my deepest, darkest secrets.

It felt like the anchor tying me down for the past seventeen years of my life was finally removed and I could start anew.

Mark’s hand aches from writing a few pages worth of journal entries and he blames it on the fact that he hasn’t written anything to you in a while. He flips through the book, cringing slightly at his atrocious handwriting, before closing the journal.

A sigh parts his lips as he thinks back on the past him and how dumb he was.

His therapist told him not to indulge too much in the past, that it steals from the present moment. So he tries to suppress his thoughts and force himself to sleep. God knows he needs it.

The next morning, or rather, afternoon when he wakes up, he feels slightly better. He checks his phone and sees that his therapist has messaged him, just to check up on him. He types a quick reply, asking to reschedule his appointment to another day.

His father, who has gotten back on his feet, left a note for Mark.

“Son, eat this and feel better! -Dad

P.S my second year of sobriety is coming up, get me present please”

Mark chuckles at his father’s little note. He drags himself to the kitchen, heating up the bowl of soup that his father had prepared. In some ways, Mark could see a silver lining to his mother’s accident. Despite the hiccup of his alcoholism, Mark’s father really grew to be a caring father. Before the accident, Mark wasn’t close to his father at all. Between business meetings and business meetings and more business meetings, Mark rarely saw his father’s shadow at home.

At least now his father takes a more active role in Mark’s life.

As Mark waits for the microwave to be done, he goes back into his room and brings his journal and pen out, setting it on the table. When the microwave finally beeps, he takes the bowl and sets it on the table.

He journals as he eats.

Dear friend,

I was thinking about you, and me and high school last night. And all I want to do is apologise. For everything. Like before, I don’t even know where to begin.

The party itself? Or Monday morning when I completely ignored you as you tried talked to me? Or the day in math class when Yuta made a joke about you coming late, saying you were probably selling your body to a teacher to get your good grades, and we I laughed?

I’m sorry. I’m sorry that the gang and I made your life a living hell. I’m sure that they thought it was innocent fun, to make jokes at your expense, to take everything that was good and bad about you and turn it into a joke. And I’m sorry that I laughed along.

I think I was worse than my friends. They did it to entertain themselves. But I had a hidden agenda. You were the personification of all my past hurts, my secrets and the ugly side of myself. Each joke I made, each time I harassed you, it gave me a buzz. In a twisted sense, I was trying to erase you to erase myself.

And you didn’t deserve.

I don’t think you noticed that I noticed but I did. Every time that I took a step in your general direction, I saw you flinch. And I know I shouldn’t have but I fed off your fear of me. In my twisted head, if you were scared of me, you’d never reveal the me that I wanted to hide.

Everyone just seemed to forget that you and I were ever friends. Our friendship became a faded memory for everyone. But not for me.

The hole you left in your absence had left a hole within me and I wished that the hole had blotted out my entire existence. But it didn’t.

So I continued tormenting you. Until graduation day.

Maybe I thought that it was the last time that you’d ever be in my life, so it was fine. Maybe I wanted some sort of closure from us. Maybe in the heat of the moment, the yearning for what we had took over. Either ways, it didn’t matter.

I walked towards you. Your parents were hugging you, your dad picking you up. They were proud of you. I wanted to say that too.

“Hey.”

Your flinch didn’t go unnoticed by your parents but they decided to give us space. You stayed silent, as if waiting for me to make some sick jokes, waiting for me to tear you down just like I had the past two years.

I felt sick to my stomach.

“Graduation day, huh?” I filled the awkward silence between us. “Congrats.”

You shifted uncomfortably. My stomach churned when the fearless girl I knew couldn’t even meet my eyes. “T-thanks…?” Your voice was strained.

“Where are you planning to go, uh, after all these?” I asked, rubbing the back of my neck sheepishly. A part of me was berating me for even trying to approach you.

“Why?” Your voice was soft and shaky.

At this point, the gang had noticed that we were talking. But it’s the last day of school. It felt like the last day I’m going to see you. I felt like I had to do this.

“I just… wanted to catch up?”

I noticed your clenched fist and your white knuckles. I noticed how badly they were shaking. Whether in fear or anger or something else, I would never know.

“We…” you breathed out, “We have nothing to catch up on.”

You turn to leave but I grabbed you by your wrist. Your voice was so so soft that I didn’t hear you telling me to let go until something within you snapped. Was it disgust from being touched by me?

“Stop it! Stop this… this whole thing. First you torment me for two and a half years for what? For for not wanting to drink alcohol? Sometimes I wonder if you actually even loved your parents. How could you do that to them? And me?” Your anger burned brightly in your eyes. It’s the first time your eyes met mine in years. “We were best friends. Us against the world. We did everything together. But I’m not sure if that was just me. Every single day, I playback memories of us, convincing myself that today was a nightmare. Why would my bestfriend turn against me right? Tomorrow will come and you’d be right by my side. But tomorrow never comes.” Your face was red and tears were spilling out of your eyes. People were watching. I didn’t care.

The voice that I’ve silenced for 2.5 years got louder in my head, screaming at me you deserved it. You’re the problem.

“Every single day I hope that you’d come up to me and tell me it’s all a massive prank. Do you know how that drove me crazy?” You took a deep breath, steadying your voice.

Your words were soft, but it cut through in to my heart and wretched it out. “Congratulations. You did it. You’ve won. You’ve became my biggest fear. I hope you’re happy because one of us being happy is still better than none of us.”

Mark’s hand stops as he wipes the salty tears that has spilled. Even now, he hates himself for what he did. Two and a half years.

He’d never return it to you.

Fate is a cruel thing.

He starts his pen up again.

I should have ran after you that day. But I froze up.

That image of your face streaming in tears will be burned into my mind forever. Because I never saw you again. And I never got the chance to say all the ‘sorry’s I needed.

My world was silent. Then I heard it. We all did.

A loud scream. A screech.

Sirens and chaos.

It takes Mark a whole week before he could bring himself to write in his journal again. He recalls the aftermath of your death.

His friends, at least those in his clique, tried to understand his pain.

“You’re okay, right?” Jaehyun asked a week after your death.

Mark nodded. “I’m fine, yeah.” That was a lie and everyone knew.

How could he ever explain to them – the people that bullied you – his pain and turmoil? A small voice in his head reminded him that too were part of the people that had bullied you.

Guilt crept into his throat, clutching it tight, just enough to keep him alive but still making every moment a living hell.

Dear friend,

I remember the box of letters your parents gave me at your funeral.

Mark takes the tape and tapes your last letter to him below the blue ink.

Hey stranger.

Today is graduation day. It’s the first graduation that I’m attending without you. And I’ve never felt more alone. It’s scary.

This will be my last letter to you. Today, I’m putting an end to my one-sided love for you.

I’m going to Oxford, do you remember when we were twelve and we promised that we’d get into Oxford together? I bet you don’t.

Then again, we also made the promise that we’d stick together forever and look where we are.

I wonder where you’ll go. I hope you’d be happy.

After everything, I’ve come to a simple conclusion: it’s nice to feel something once in a while, even if it’s pain. Because it reminds me that the first seventeen years of my life was true.

“So how did you find this whole, uh, journaling process?” Mark’s therapist asks at their next appointment.

Mark smiles, rather genuinely this time, “There were days that were very painful. But y’know, I think I’m starting to get this whole thing. It’s nice to feel something for once in my life, even if it’s pain. It’s a reminder that I’m alive.”

#nct #nct 127 #mark lee #mine

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atelophobicity · 4 years ago

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Top 10 Things You Shouldn’t Do If You Want to Finish Your Thesis On Time

It’s my entry for September! I’ve been busy in consuming new music, films, and kvariety episodes in my effort to catch up on everything. So, I decided to post monthly to fulfill my oversharing Tumblr needs and to exercise my skills in writing in English and putting thoughts into coherent words.

TL;DR of this: things I’ve done instead of doing my thesis for the past year and a half. I’m not romanticizing my not doing thesis self for the past 21 months, but I’m also not dissuading you from doing other stuff besides thesis because god knows, you will need something.

1. Got a part-time job. This was the first new thing I’ve done that really took my time and effectively gave me no time to do thesis. And yet, this was the most rewarding thing as I learned how to get my TIN, accomplish my deliverables, answer to my superiors etc. Looking back, I wasn’t the best employee and I deserved no job offers on the same company after. But still, it was a stepping stone in the right direction. Adulting-wise, anyway.

2. Discover the art of creating.

Journal spreads. I bought a 2019 planner and I couldn’t fill it up, so I decided to turn it into a journal-planner. The art materials I used for to design pages are from old supplies bought back when I was in high school or stickers from the fandom-related events I attended. I didn’t spend money and I was given a chance to be creative.

Sew doll clothes. In K-pop, dolls that look like your idol exists. It usually comes with one set of clothes to dress it. As a “doll mother”, I wanted to dress them with new clothes but buying clothes was expensive. So, I just sewed clothes for them. I made clothes from scrap fabrics or clothes no one wears in our household. I’ve been barely successful, but it’s one of the things that keep me happy and make me feel like I’ve succeeded in one measly part of my life.

3. Purged my online files.

From my high school files. Nostalgia has been one of my coping mechanisms. I was able to be provided by lots of it when I discovered that I didn’t lose my high school files and it was on my mom’s laptop all along. Being able to relive memories while organizing my files was the best hours of that day.

To my external hard drives. Since 2016, I have been a hoarder of online files for so long that I have two EHDs to prove it. This time though, I was able to delete content that was either repetitive or uninteresting anymore. I was able to shave off some of my data bytes and am now able to save new interesting content available online (if I ever find one).

4. Realigned my priorities and consumption of K-pop as a stan and as a person by:

Selling 3/4 of my merch. Unlearning the pride that comes with owning K-pop merch was difficult, but overtime, I have been proud of myself for not falling to the traps of capitalism—at least in K-pop. Also! I was able to buy my own concert tickets with the stuff I sold so it is a win!

Joining giveaways instead. No matter how I can avoid the urge to buy K-pop merch, I still can’t help but want to own them. This is where I discovered how joining giveaways was my next best option. It takes a lot of effort and screenshots to win these things. However, if and when you win, it really feels like winning against the odds. You get free merch too!

Actually spent hours to vote and stream. In relation to the last point, since the main requirement in giveaways I’ve joined are voting/streaming proofs, I have been one of those people who collects points on voting apps or has a playlist of music videos that should be streamed. After collecting and/or streaming, I take screenshots, put watermarks there, and tags mutuals if needed. It’s relatively hard work but there’s a feeling of pride when your idol wins the poll or an MV reaches a certain amount of views and you know you participated in making that happen.

5. Rediscover Youtube. Channels like the vlogbrothers and their associates (Crash Course, Pemberley Digital among others), Buzzfeed’s shows (The Try Guys, Ladylike, Buzzfeed Unsolved) were a delight to watch after being out of the Youtube loop for so long. The platform also offered new niches of content and I allowed myself to be sucked in it. From Simply Nailogical to Ask A Mortician to amazing pop culture video essays like Lindsay Ellis and Jenny Nicholson, Youtube has all it for you! Learning something new every day is one of my favorite things and I get to do it with this website.

6. Rediscover my love of writing. (As if I’ve written anything for my thesis but here.)

Made drabbles. There is a weekly activity on my fandom where we write < 500 word drabbles on any pairings. I have been joining when I can, and through the support of the (small) community (back then), I gained confidence to write one. I’ve written at least four now and I’ve not done yet because I’ve been on a slump lately. But I’ll get back to it soon!

Short story. The same account that brought the drabble challenge created a festival where we write a pairing and write a short story with it. I decided to join the event! Not going to lie, my entry was shit, It was the first draft, it needed a lot of revisions and more constructive criticism and yet, I am still proud of it. It was the first creative fiction I wrote since 2019 and I did it in a day. And, I believe it has potential, so I’m going to review and revise the hell out of it someday.

7. Reclaim my college days.

Reconnected with orgmates. Visiting Elbi for registration and consultation purposes are brightened up by the fact that I get to do this. My first four years of college were not kind to me. I’ve forgotten a lot of things because of trauma and deep sadness that I still have until this day, and when I remember good things, they’re few and far in between. The numbered days I was in Elbi during 2019 were also few and far in between, but they were infinitely better than my academic years from 2015 to 2017. I was able to do the things I wasn’t able to do before (mostly attending Happy Ts and eating in newly-opened food places there) and I get to do it with people I love.

Made friends. One of the drawbacks of being a slot-driven student with no care of my coursemates’ schedules: I didn’t get to establish a friend group. So I didn’t get to make friends. During this time, I’ve accepted that I didn’t have any friends outside my organizations. But this time, instead of a feeling of dread of being that cliché orgmate, I feel relief and happiness because now, I realize that I do have friends from college, unlike the 2015-2017 who didn’t have anyone in college to rely on her darkest times.

8. Appreciated my friends more. For the past few years, I was the shitty friend. I agreed to go on hangouts only to message them that I’m backing out the last minute—sometimes I even straight up ghosted them. I really took my friends for granted. I have been slowly making it up to them by always attending when there’s an invite! I sometimes initiate the invite and it’s always a fun and healing time for me (it was a literal healing time for me as I was depressed during that time). I love them and I’m always thankful for them—and more so now than before.

9. Unlearning things like:

Realizing that a priv (a private account meant to be seen by your mutuals you trust; usually contains unpopular opinions and hot takes on stan twitter) only encourages negative emotions and I must not do it again.

No matter how I tried rationalizing my hate for Jennie when the JenKai dating news happened, I was one of those K-pop stans who hated her because she dated my idol. (I have moved on past that and have started liking her and Rose.)

Knowing that attacking people for what they say won’t make them unlearn their wrong opinions. Not talking down at them and educating with patience is the key, always.

There are still so much more I unlearned and learned where those came from. My main takeaway is: it’s complicated. Sometimes our opinion needs a more nuanced perspective and sometimes it needs to scrapped entirely because it was just wrong. But it is essential so we, as people, won’t be stuck with outdated views of the world.

10. Learning something new like:

Practicing how to do Tzuyu’s helicopter hands until I realized it wasn’t meant for me.

Utilizing Omegle to look for potential quaranflings.

Installing Telegram and uninstalling to ghost quaranflings.

How to do laundry in compliance with my mother’s preferences.

Doing two things at once.

Enough patience to take time and read the laws our government makes every day to know what I’m fighting against.

Optimizing my Twitter lists and now I can keep up with current affairs (that takes a toll on my mental health) then scroll through a fic fest-centric list the next (that helps me forget the stress from reading news).

Learning something new every day has become one of my life goals. Knowing that the world always has something new to offer to me, a speck in this universe, warms me up and keeps me going. And you’ll never know where the new tidbits will lead you. Maybe it’ll help you reconnect with something you’ve known before, maybe it’ll change how you see things, or maybe it’s something new that once explored, it will contribute something new to the community. It may seem small and unimportant but with a tweak in perspective, it might be something worth doing and pursuing.

Looking back at my list, I can finally see how if I didn’t do all these things, I would have probably finished my thesis by now and probably working a full-time job, able to provide the financial needs for my family. There will always be regret that I am still not done until now. But stressing over my current predicament in this time when the world is in its most stressful state yet won’t help me. So, we soldier on and hopefully, hopefully get back to the thesis I’ve been meaning to do.

Let’s get it.

#2020 diary

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maiz-of-light · 5 years ago

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All in the Cards: A Brief Introduction to the Tarot

Good evening, loves!

It’s been a while since I’ve written a blog post on paganism, and with Beltane fast-approaching and my spiritual senses heightened, I would like to break that hiatus. I’ve already written briefly about setting up an altar space and using crystals for everyday purposes; now, I’d like to address the spirits’ most effective method of communication with humanity: the Tarot.

I started using Tarot cards about a year ago, when my finances and living situation finally allowed me to create a safe space for readings. Ever since, I have learned much about myself, my environment, and my own unique spiritual journey. The first thing I recall from beginning the process was quite the opposite of what I’ve since achieved: utter confusion. I had no clue where or how to start!

The start of my path was rocky, and although I eventually pulled through, I wish I would have had some sort of beginner’s guide to show me what to expect before beginning my journey. This post is dedicated to anyone who may now be in that same boat.

BEFORE YOU BEGIN

Please note that this is only an introduction; your journey is your own, and as such, the energy you transfer into your own deck will bear unique results and interpretations. This guide, I hope, will simply give you an idea of what to expect during your first few months as a reader.

Now, without further adieu...

The Minor Arcana

Tarot decks are not your everyday playing cards, but there are similarities. Because they are already commonly known, these are a good place to begin your study of the deck.

Every Tarot deck comprises 78 cards: the traditional 52 cards (also known as the Minor Arcana), ace through ten, Knight or Jack, Queen, and King; their Pages; and the 22 of the Major Arcana. We’ll begin by reviewing the traditional(ish) four sets of 13 and their Pages.

Wands

The Wands family, or the Deck of Wands, is represented by the element of air. As such, these cards tend to be indicative of figures and events that may require additional energy, creativity, or entrepreneurial effort. Wands cards present the most lighthearted of omens.

Astrology: Planets to consider: Uranus, Mercury, Venus; Constellations to consider: Aquarius, Gemini, Libra.

Cups

The Cups family is represented by the element of water, and deals with deep emotions and emotional connections. A reading from the Deck of Cups may symbolize a new relationship or friendship, a deepened connection, or, on the less appealing side, heartbreak or loss.

Astrology: Planets to consider: the Moon, Pluto, Neptune; Constellations to consider: Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces.

Pentacles

The Pentacles Family is represented by the element of earth, and deals with material gains and carnal affairs. A card of Pentacles might advise you to pick up a new craft, or prepare for an increase of wealth, or foreshadow grave carnal worries.

Astrology: Planets to consider: Saturn, Venus, Mercury; Constellations to consider: Capricorn, Taurus, Virgo

Swords

Represented by the element of fire, the Deck of Swords is perhaps the most intense family of the Tarot. Readings may range anywhere from symbolizing or foreshadowing a sudden epiphany, to a stalemate, to a betrayal, and so on.

Astrology: Planets to consider: Mars, the Sun, Jupiter; Constellations to consider: Aries, Leo, Sagittarius.

The Major Arcana

The Major Arcana is interesting in that it originated as its own set of playing cards. Also known as the “trumps,” this deck is represented by the fifth element, most commonly referred to as Spirit. Each of the 22 cards symbolizes a figure or event with heavy spiritual significance. This deck is composed of:

the Fool

the Magician

the High Priestess

the Empress

the Emperor

the Hierophant

the Lovers

the Chariot

Strength

the Hermit

Wheel of Fortune

Justice

the Hanged Man

Death

Temperance

the Devil

the Tower

the Star

the Moon

the Sun

Judgement

the World

Types of Readings

Once you’ve familiarized yourself with the cards, you can better begin to consider the different ways to read them.

A Card a Day

Drawing one card every day is comparable to reading a horoscope, but more personal to the reader because of the direct touch. This reading is ideal for giving you a quick glance at what may be in store for you today. Try to draw your card before leaving your house for the day, if applicable.

Past, Present, Future

Three-card readings are one of the most common. The first card you draw symbolizes an element of your past, the second represents a significant element of your present as effected by the first, and the third shows you where you are headed.

A Year in Review

Twelve-card readings are a lot of fun for New Years, birthdays, or any other major holiday or annual date of significance. Begin by drawing for the current month, then move from right to left, top to bottom for the following months, until you’ve drawn one card for each month of the year.

Tips for Shuffling

The first step of any reading is, of course, properly shuffling the deck.

Begin by spreading the cards out before you, then gather them back together however they choose to fall.

Cut the deck three ways. If you’re drawing for yourself, you cut. If you’re reading for someone else, you shuffle, but have them cut. Then, you draw.

Helpful Hints for Beginners

Now that you’ve covered the bases, here are a few things I’ve picked up over the course of my journey.

Cleansing your deck

It’s always a good idea to cleanse your deck every so often to rid it of foreign energy: before the first time you use it, after doing a reading for another person, after the deck has been handled by someone else (or stepped on by a cat, as happens to me quite often), or just whenever you feel the time is right. Sage smoke is the most commonly used for cleansing, but there are many other alternatives as well.

Reading reversals

Because of their vague nature, reversals are often considered an unnecessary option, sometimes even feared as all-negative omens. That’s not the case. A reversal simply means the opposite of a card’s typical reading. For example, if you were to draw the four of Pentacles in reverse, it could mean you need to prepare for upcoming financial hardships.

Don’t become a self-fulfilling prophecy

This is a difficult thing to do sometimes, especially with the more intense card readings. Should you find yourself caught in a bad omen, it’s best not to try to avoid it. Instead, do what you can to prepare yourself emotionally, financially, or otherwise.

Note astrological / celestial figures

Tarot cards are a form of communication between us and the spirits of the earth, but that doesn’t mean the celestial influences don’t combine their energy with the cards as well. Pay attention what planetary bodies are in what signs. If you’re not in a good place to read the stars, download an app that tracks them instead. I use Time Passages.

Keep a journal

You may find your experiences more beneficial if you track each reading. Be sure to number your entries, and to include the date, time, and number of cards drawn. Begin by jotting down your initial thoughts. You may want to go back later the same day and add any other comments on your reading and how it may have translated into the day’s events.

Tarot cards in rituals

Personally, I don’t use Tarot cards in many spells, but I do occasionally use them to enhance crystal magic. For performing such rituals, your altar should include some sort of cloth or talisman; it could be a pentacle, or some other symbol. Place your Tarot card on one of the five points or sections of the talisman: North if it’s a Pentacle, South if it’s a Sword, West if it’s a Cup, East if it’s a Wand. If you draw one of the trumps, place it in the center of the talisman. Set your crystal(s) nearby and light a candle so that it shines on both the crystal(s) and the card, then speak your blessing or intention over the flame.

Myths about purchasing your first Tarot deck

There’s an old legend that warns of bad luck clinging to the deck purchased by a first-time reader, and that all first-decks ought to then be either gifted or stolen. This legend is only a myth passed down by ancient Gypsy tribes who were thought to be smuggling with money gained by dishonest means. So long as you cleanse your deck immediately after purchasing it and keep the cards stored somewhere safe, no misfortune will follow you.

~ And we conclude! ~

We’ll wrap up with a reminder that this is only a beginner’s guide! And speaking of guides, I’m sure you’ve noticed that I didn’t include the translations of each individual card. Simply put, that would take way too long. There are guidebooks available for cheap that provide good summaries of what each card could mean; or, tarot.com is a free website also providing short descriptions of each card.

I hope you found this guide helpful, loves. And if you’re having difficulty acquiring a Tarot deck of your own, don’t be afraid to look online! There are tons of unique, beautifully-illustrated card decks equipped to boost your spiritual journey.

As always, stay safe and take care,

~ Gail

#pagan #paganism #wicca #pagan wicca #tarot #tarot cards #tarot deck #tarot readings #spiritual journey #blog post #pagan blog #baby pagan

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booksandeverything-in-between · 5 years ago

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My journalism journey

... has only just begun!

This is my post for the “Life Narrative” assignment for JTC 326. I’ve added a “keep reading” tab because I hate putting extremely long posts on my dashboard! Keep in mind too, I’ve formatted this to fit the platform, so it’s not strictly professional.

Also — this is the first time I’ve shared my Tumblr with anyone who is not my sister, but it’s the perfect platform for this.

** All pictures were taken by me unless otherwise specified, some taken from my old blog posts on here.

A note before I start: When I first thought about this assignment, I had so many things I thought I could share, a lot of them deeply personal, somewhat dark and just not the right fit. I had a bit of a crisis; I cried a little. There is so much in my past that makes me, me, that I’ve only ever really shared with my therapist, but have generally wanted to write about. But it’s hard, and I don’t know how. And a whole lot of other stuff. BUT THEN

I realized I could share a story that I have always wanted to share! It perfectly relates to our class too and basically everything anyone would ever need to know about me! It’s amazing! I’m so excited! I hope you like it!

(line break)

It’s the summer before sixth grade. That’s how I define, or sort, my life, in my memories. It’s the year of school, or it’s the summer before/after. It’s not my age, or the calendar year; it’s school. For a long time my whole identity revolved around school, so it fits.

Anyway, I’m bored. My older sister and I can only do so much Netflix-watching (because we didn’t have cable) on the Wii (because this was 2011), and I need something to stimulate my active mind. Here comes books!

I’ve always, always been an avid reader. I was the first person in my first grade class to start reading chapter books — something I liked to brag about a lot back then. But I’m about to be a middle schooler, so I need to find something a little more mature. My parents decide that I’m at an appropriate age to start reading some of my sister’s old books, which were originally marked for garage sale.

One of these books has a long, juicy title, with a teen girl posed on the cover in a preppy school uniform, hand on her hip. I don’t have to look this up to remember; it is forever in my mind. The book is I’d Tell You I Love You, But Then I’d Have to Kill You by Ally Carter. Juicy, right? AND I LOVE IT. Seriously. Love. It.

Photo: I’d Tell You I Love You, But Then I’d Have to Kill You by Ally Carter.

... And I guess I move on. That part is a little fuzzy. Enter: Back to School Night, sixth grade. I always would go with my mom, because I loved school, and nights like those I thought were super cool. So, I’m hanging out with my best friend Sydney by the stairs, and she has this book from the school library with her.

Do you believe in fate? Was it kismet? I do not know; I will not guess. But I do know, I freaked the f*ck out. Because it was the book, by Ally Carter!! I loved that book! When I asked Sydney where she got it, she said in the library, and there were a bunch of other books like it.

That made me pause. Honestly, I couldn’t believe it. Because, what do you know, it was a series!! There were three other books to be read! How, oh how, did I not know this? It had to be fate.

I can still picture exactly where the books are, in the Preston library. The smaller shelf, up against the wall, right by the opening into the conference/meeting room space (I don’t know what we called that room???). Bottom shelf.

Who knew a series about teenage girls going to a spy school would set me on this path?

Suddenly it’s the summer after sixth grade, and once again, I’m bored. But, I have access to a netbook, that my grandpa gave us. Something entices me to start Googling these books. I find Ally Carter’s website. I found out that there are going to be two more books in the series. And I stumble upon this Google search suggestion, with the word fanfiction.

And wow.

Stories, countless stories, about my favorite books. Eventually, I make my own account on fanfiction.net, I try my hand at some of my own stories, I get a smartphone and make this very tumblr account when I turn 13, I find a place where I can express all my nerdiness in peace and all-caps, without any sort of ridicule fear.

But that’s not the end, nor the point, of this story.

Photo: The first four books in the Gallagher Girls series by Ally Carter.

(line break)

So here I am, spending all my free time secretly reading fanfic and trying to write it, and hating my life sometimes and thinking about what I want to study in college because that’s my best chance at escape from this life that I feel I’m stuck in.

But I can’t think of anything to write! I love to read; I enjoy writing; I am learning more about grammar because my dad has me grading his grammar quizzes he gave his JTC 300 students; but still, something isn’t right. I viscerally hate English class.

But! There’s a way I CAN write, without it being creative! My dad is going to school for photojournalism, my sister took a high school journalism class, and now it’s my turn to register for classes in high school. I sign up for Journalism 1, the precursor to Journalism 2, which is the class that houses the student newspaper. It’s a great plan. It was a good class.

I was looking through my old journal the other day, and I came across this line dated from September 23, 2014, just into the beginning of my freshman year of high school. “I want to be a journalist.”

Photo: A journal entry that reads, “I want to be a journalist.”

My sophomore year of high school, I take Journalism 2 and join the paper. I’m kind of terrified because there are a bunch of people I don’t know and now I’ll actually have to go out and report and talk to people ... but we do some really fun team-building, and people seem to like me, and I relax. I feel, just a little, like a really belong.

And I had felt that way before, during band, and with some of my friends, but this thing, this journalism thing, I’m actually good at it. And there’s this one moment that sticks out to me still.

It’s probably 7:20 a.m. I’m trudging up the steps to Spanish class, and I do not want to be there. It’s not that I don’t like school, or I don’t like my classes, because I do. But I’m tired, and it’s not what I want to be doing. I think, if I could spend the entirety of my day in my journalism class, I would be happy.

To this day, as a college student, I am jealous of the people who get to spend their whole days doing journalism.

I’ve found more than a home. I’ve found a place where, for what feels like the first time, I can speak my mind. I can be sarcastic, I can make a pun and I can also point out when there’s a bad typo somewhere and have that be appreciated.

Halfway through my first year writing for the paper, I’m given extra responsibilities and get to start copy editing articles from the students in the J1 class, and I start to learn how to redesign/maintain our Wordpress site. I go on a class trip to Los Angeles, an amazing feat of independence for me, and I feel valued. And then, I’m award the position of Copy Editor for the next school year! It’s amazing.

I learn my junior year that the freshmen whose articles I edited were afraid of me. Afraid, of me! (For reference, I am five feet tall). But once they met me, they were like ‘Woah, Serena’s not scary!” and now we’re good friends. I’ve since learned to be less harsh/blunt in my editing.

My senior year, I was Editor-in-Chief. That was something I dreamed about as a freshman, but wouldn’t let myself actually fathom. And even though I felt like I could have done a much better job, and I had a lot of personal sh*t to do with too, by the end of the year, I knew that I was leaving behind a strong legacy.

It’s really something special when people you love give you a speech, crying, telling you how much you welcomed them, how much you made them feel like they had a place to grow, to be, and how much you’ve inspired them.

Because journalism, especially student journalism, is about so much more than the news. It’s about a community. It’s community with your fellow reporters and editors, it’s comradery while kicking ass, it’s creating a community with your readers and your peers, it’s learning about the community you live in and sharing the ups and downs of life.

Photo: A screenshot from my Instagram account of my high school journalism family, taken at our end of the year picture my junior year of high school. We had this running joke that I was going to be a world-dominator type person (because I’m so tiny and quiet) and my teacher said, “Okay, Serena now push Katie over” because I was taking over as EIC. Photo credit goes to my teacher (not going to post his name here).

(line break)

I have a lot of setbacks, too. I have anxiety. Like, a lot. Of anxiety. I haven’t been formally diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder, but I think I should be.

I used to think I was just shy. And that was partially the case. But I grew from it, in large part because of journalism. I went from not sitting in my designated seat at the beginning of class because there were older kids in the way my freshman year, to leading the entire class three days a week my senior year. I liked high school journalism because I could get away with asking my friends for quotes, or just not really quoting anyone at all.

I spent one quarter at the University of Denver last year, and it was somewhat the same thing. They didn’t have any strict standards on a number of sources, and I wrote articles that didn’t require speaking to a lot of people. But then, I took over nine months off from school in what should have been my freshman year of college, and thus took nine months off from journalism and reporting. So starting at The Collegian was a challenge.

I am still damn proud of myself for getting up the courage, on the second day of classes at CSU, to go down to the newsroom and ask about reporting. I wouldn’t be where I am today if I didn’t, and I love where I am today.

To think that wasn’t even a year ago ...

Photo: Here I am, remote copy editing for The Collegian, the week after Spring Break. Photo cred to my dad.

When I started at CSU, I felt good. I was nervous, but transferring was a really good decision, and I’m from Fort Collins, so I felt more comfortable. And at first, my reporting felt really good.

But then I got too stressed with school and work, and that stress led over to increases social anxiety when I was reporting. I went to this community meeting and tried to talk to people there, but I felt helpless and quiet and I left and cried to myself. I then conducted my interviews over the phone.

I even had to take a break for a few months last semester, because I had a panic attack with the mere thought of approaching people I didn’t know.

But I worked through it. Aided by Xanax and peer support, I interviewed a bunch of people at the Eva Schloss event and felt really good about it. I also saw my high school journalism advisor, because his wife works at CSU Hillel, and talking to someone who knew my struggle felt good.

For a long time I’ve doubted if journalism, if news reporting, is something I’ll actually be able to do. It’s the only real thing that makes me feel like I have a purpose, the only thing that makes me not feel depressed about life, but I am still so worried I’ll hold myself back in some way.

That hasn’t happened yet.

(line break)

It’s the summer before my junior year of high school, and I am about to go meet up with the other members of the new leadership team, Katie and Kathleen, at Starbucks. I’ve recently got my license and it feels really good to be driving myself around.

I go to Target and buy a fancy looking notebook with the last $15 I have to my name, because I don’t have a job yet. I go to Starbucks and discover I like drinking tea. I talk with Katie and Kathleen and we brainstorm what we want the journalism class to look like next year. What we want to change, how we’re going to get students to know that we exist.

It’s the summer before my senior year, and I bring this same notebook to a meeting at Dazbog that I have with our leadership team to get ready for the school year. I’m in charge. It’s weird, but in a good way. There are a lot more people there, and I fill pages upon pages of ideas, and agendas I want to start the first weeks with.

So much had changed in a year. My parents got divorced, I started working a lot, I was looking more seriously into college. But so much was the same. The same people, the same work, the same purpose. It was good.

It’s the second semester of my first year at CSU, my sophomore year of college. I’m at home, cleaning my room, procrastinating because I don’t want to write my final essay. I get a text from Laura, asking if I’ve heard back about the editorial board yet. I had shut my phone off because I was checking my email so obsessively.

And there it is. I am going to be the 2020-2021 News Editor for The Rocky Mountain Collegian. I still don’t fully feel like I know what I’m doing, even though I have all this experience. News is happening, but it’s summer. Do I write about it? Do I ask other people to write about it? Can I express the authority and knowledge I know I have, to people who have more experience at the paper than I do? It’s still early.

The day I get the news, I pull out an old, blue notebook that’s barely filled. It’s the perfect place to start brainstorming the things I want to change on the desk and the things I think are super important for Laura and me to talk about.

I forgot that I had notes from my Editor-in-Chief days in there.

Photo: The notebook!

It feels like I’ve completed a circle. Like all the highs and lows of my last few years have led me to here, right back to where I’m supposed to be. Where I’ve always known I would be.

I know who I am; I know where I belong; I know my place and my purpose in this world.

Ally Carter’s Gallagher Girls series brought me to writing, and writing brought me to journalism. In my obsession with those books, the unofficial motto of the CIA really resonated with me. “And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.”

Community and truth, that’s journalism.

I want to be a journalist.

I am a student journalist.

I am a journalist.

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its-bianca · 5 years ago

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Studying/Planner Apps

Essential apps for studying, planning, health, etc. Who says everything has to be analog?

These are all the ones I’ve tried and downloaded (unless said otherwise). The ones with the * next to it are the ones I don’t use or have gotten rid of for personal reasons, but still highly recommend all of them.

I go through apps like a child goes through toys. I try them out, get rid of the ones I don’t like. Apps are toys.

There’s tons more, but these ones are the ones that I recommend to people with similar needs and schedules like mine. The ones I haven’t or don’t use anymore are ones I could definitely see being helpful to others or that I’d maybe use in the future if my needs change.

Note: these are things from the App Store, but I’m pretty sure most are available on the Play Store too.

Podomoro Time Trackers

Forrest* - Haven’t tried this because you have to pay for it on the App Store, but I’ve seen everyone go bonkers over this app and how they plant trees for studying, etc. etc.

Plantie - Best and only Podomoro app I still use. Gamified, but not TOO gamified. You just grow fruit, collect, coins, buy more fruit trees. It’s super simple, while still providing really good graphs and charts. Also, it allows you to turn off the feature where it stops your task as soon as you leave the app. Sometimes I need to use my phone for assignments, and I still want to track my time. It’s completely FREE, with GREAT charts as a visual. Other apps need a premium subscription to access the graphs and charts, which is why I love this app because even though the chart is quite simple, it does its job. Although, it doesn’t tell you when to take the longer break and it has to be adjusted manually. That’s fine for me, because I always get disturbed by something before I even get to 4 blocks, and if I waited until I had a big chunk, I’d never get anything done.

Block & Flow: Stay focused* - Podomoro but visualised with stacks of blocks for each day or week. And you can list out what tasks you have for that day and sort out sections for work, reading, school, etc. I didn’t need that feature, which is why I used Plantie instead.

Workflow Timer* - Another good option with options to make multiple tasks lists. One of the simpler and more user-friendly ones. It also looks really good!

Hours Time Tracking* - App for timeblocking, scheduling, and tracking the time while you’re working. It’s not helpful for me, because it’s practically impossible for me to strictly schedule something in my day after school, but could be useful for others. Really easy to makes tasks and separate by color.

Stay Focused* - Simplest Podomoro timer out there. No distractions, no graphs, no gamification, just pure focus.

Planners/Calendars/Tasks

Wunderlist - Great reminder system, intuitive (type in “essay next mon” and it will schedule the task to be due next Monday), syncs everywhere, attach documents, etc. I used this for my assignment list, books to read list, schedule etc. for a long time, until recently where things got hectic and I wanted to make a daily to do list rather than only a master list. I use a bullet journal for school stuff now, but still keep Wunderlist for that shopping/movies/books/apps/websites to check out list.

24me* - Personal assistant, lots and lots of features, with scheduling, to-do lists, notes, journaling, etc. Tracks weather and traffic to and from work/school. All in one.

Google Calendar - I don’t schedule on this, but use it to sync my school calendar with personal calendar. Easy scheduling and you can SHARE your calendar with a friend! All Google apps are made for collaboration basically.

Habitify* - Habit tracker on your phone and tracks progress every day, showing when you skip and reminding you of it. Don’t quite remember why I got rid of it because checking back it seems really good. Might redownload.

Trello* - Kanban boards, “cards” and lists, great reviews. I’ve heard people use it as a bullet journal sort of and project planner though that wasn’t it’s original purpose. I downloaded it for a club thing, but never really used it personally.

Notetaking/Planning/Journaling

OneNote - I use this ALL the time, even though I don’t use my Microsoft account much anymore. My notes are organized and have a hierarchy. Very customizable with headers, notebook sections, pages, subpages, etc. Easy to share with group mates and an okay collaboration space if you want to see each other’s progress on research or something during a group project. MUCH better than having tons of Google or Word docs of notes. Completely FREE for the full experience.

Notion* - One in all workspace for journaling, notes, scheduling, planning projects basically a mini-website for your life and work. Great guide for bullet journaling on Notion from studyblr Eintsein here. Another Notion bullet journaling guide on YouTube here and here. I highly recommend it, but don’t use it since I use an analog bujo, prefer OneNote for class notes, and don’t have much use for it other than that currently. You do have to pay for unlimited notes, but there’s a pretty good amount to start out, and if you really don’t want to pay, there are workarounds to it.

Milanote* - Like Notion, but more restrictions on the free version. I don’t use it anymore because I’ve realized I didn’t really have a good purpose for it and it cluttered up my phone. In a way, it’s more ~aesthetic~ than Notion, but there are less things you can do. It does have a better learning curve though.

Evernote - I don’t use it often, but I have it to take quick notes or other stuff. Evernote is like a god in the notetaking world, because it’s user friendly, quick, and syncs up really easily with everything.

Health

7 Minute Fitness - There’s a lot of these out there. Go find one or two. Don’t be sedentary.

30 Day Fitness Challenge - Same concept as above.

Simple Habit - FULL of free mostly 5 minute guided meditations (though there’s premium access). There’s no excuse now. Also, I used to try 10 minute meditations on Headspace which made me really sleepy. 5 minutes work best, because they’re quick, and if you want more time, just move on to the next part in the series or find another one. Lots of free series for basically any subject (school, women, mothers, grade anxiety, sleep) and SOS mode. Unfortunately, you can’t download any of them in the free version.

AloeBud* - Self-care pocket companion. Make reminders on your phone for every self-care thing you can think of. Schedule notifications multiple times a day with personalized messages.

TaoMix2 - Mixer for relaxing nature/white noise sounds. It’s pretty restricted in the free, but it’s enough for me.

Cove* - If you’re a music person, this app let’s you make quick music and tunes matching your mood. A sort of an easy music therapy if you’re not good with instruments or composition.

Reflecty* - Little journal buddy asking you fun/reflective questions about your day and tracking your mood. It’s short and sweet. Each entry is a “story”.

Oak* - Great for breathing and very simple guided meditations. Breathing practices for anxiety, freshening up, and calming nerves before a big performance. It just takes 15 seconds to breathe.

Grid Diary* - Journal prompts in grid fromat. Customizable daily prompts.

DayOne Journal* - Again, RAVING reviews. Everyone loves it. I haven’t used it because I prefer analog journals, but it’s a pretty good for travel journals with pictures, audio, video, etc.

UVLens - Reminds you to put sunscreen on throughout the day depending on your skin, activities that day, and type of sunscreen.

Flo - Period tracker. Need I say more?

Tasty - FOOOD (by Buzzfeed). New recipe ideas, includes shopping list, make your own cookbook.

KitchenStories - MORE FOOOOD. Includes Asian and international cuisine since it’s crowd-sourced.

Miscellaneous

Audiobooks - Audiobooks from the Gutenberg Project, but in app form. You can download classics for free, etc. There are some paid audiobooks, but they’re usually for better narrators/text corrections, so absolutely not necessary to get lost in an old book. Jane Austen, Charlotte Brönte, L. Frank Baum, all the good stuff.

Daylio - Tracks mood, activities, with intuitive charts. You can edit moods and activities shown per day. Free version is pretty good, and it replaces the need for making a habit tracker in my journal, because I don’t like making those.

Scannable - Very intuitive scanning app. I’ve used this for many legal/important documents and nobody had a clue it was “scanned” on a phone. It makes regular photos of documents easier to read and look like it came from a scanner. It can share as a PDF or jpg. Granted, you need good lighting for the best quality.

Google Docs, Spreadsheets, Slides - Everyone’s probably used this before, but to reiterate, this is the best collaboration app/website. Super easy to share with real-time tracking and updates.

BEAKER by THIX* - For chemistry people. Mix compounds/elements together, make new compounds, see their reactions. Don’t have much use for it since my chemistry class is moving at a glacial pace but I could see this being useful for others.

Chemtriz - Same as above, but gamified. You take elements and put them together in the right configuration to make compounds.

PictureThis - Plant Identifier - Weird addition to list, but it’s a cool app to get back in with nature. Now I know what a boxwood plant looks like.

IFTTT* - Hard to explain, but it enables different apps that don’t usually work together to work together. So if you input something in an email, you can make it go into a Google Spreadsheet(?). Just go check it out. It’s cool. Many shortcuts, track stuff in the Health App, get emails showing cool NASA pictures.

Canva - AMAZING graphic design app/website for those who can’t use Photoshop (ie. me). It’s better online, but there are hundreds of templates for magazines, book covers, planners, posters, flyers, and basically any graphic design needs. Many free graphics and photos ready to use. Premium version is NOT necessary to get full benefits from this program. I used it to create this calendar for my room.

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drearytweddiafawnx · 4 years ago

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A letter to myself from 2030.

Hey Rim ! Wanna hug ?

It's me ......actually it's you from 2030.l know you've been dreaming of me . So i thought i should write you a letter. I was reading through all my old letters and braindump journals .It made me rethink about my past thoughts and write to you about them

The time you are in and the time I'm writing to you are both important moments of our life .

The year 2030 is the time when we are leading the world and 2020 is the time when we just started our journey. After the covid crisis days were not so good as you've already imagined. But your 'silly "plans helped the people who needed help . Heres a note from one of your writings.

10.06.20

To all the teens who'll be leading the world in upcoming days .look at our future main concerns

*stoping global warming

*giving freedom toall (everyone who has a life ,freedom of speech, lifestyle and everything )

*completing the necessary needs

*fighting future disasters sensebly

*solving problems unitedly .

*empowering huminity and human knowledge

*being a good global citizen .

We have to be the hero of the next

generation.

Our ideas are the root of our life . Trying to understand the future problems and living in your future is

not bad . You like to do things keeping their future in mind . You wanted to build an education system where you create open minded people .

I would love to talk about your ideas

during the covid crisis like street farming ,street education and practical learning . I hope you remember this journal pages ....

16.04.20

Practical learning - giving assignments and research topics during the covid crisis and after the crisis showing the research and assessments .Exams will be taken through activities and practicaly while kids learn something new while giving exams .

And this will be area based .

Like to a remote village maybe clean water is a big issue .

Childrens from that village will work on it .

8.05.20

Street education - using street billboards and ad boards to teach street children and passerby .

Using fun animation and video we can teach them general knowledge and make people aware of certain topics like childmarriege and dowry .

11.06.20

Street farming - using the footover bridges and street dividers to produce free and safe food for the poor ,begger and street people .

So that they can freely eat and cook .

It will also be beneficial for all the natives living there .

Most of your ideas were based on underdeveloped coutries . And I'm really looking forward to your both websites that you are working on . learning and asking questions about anything in their mother tongue gives kids an opportunity to write and ask with freedom and you wanted to make begging a respectful profession .giving a home and shelter . While volunteers will help them and take care of them.

People will be able to donate to their personal account using your website .

Some can get employed too. Nice ideas Rim .

I know its the first pride month you are celebrating and currently you are saving money for building an free open school for poor ,street children and everyone who is curious to learn

But the best thing you learned these days was respecting everyone and trying to keep your feet on their shoes to understand their pain and sufferings .

But the thing you were thinking about on those days was global warming . All of my life I wanted freedom and you wanted to free all animals giving all plants a chance to grow freely even if they were not helpful . Humans are soo selfish that they only spare those lives which benefit them somehow .

To you the new normal was not mask, gloves and social distancing ,you wanted the new normal to let everyone live ,everyone who has a life , give mother nature a chance to heal herself .

One day you wrote that "The covid crisis has taught all of us equally at a time that how we all are connected even if we are separated and how we depend on each other and we should

admire everyone and everything.

If nature is infected nature will cure herself too. Everything is important and being here to teach us something . Even the poisons from the earth has a healing power to save lifes .

Mother nature is teaching us to be humble , respectful to every element of the earth and give equal importance as we have over here .

Just give them the chance to be , to live , breath freely , to learn and seek and teach us . I don't think humans has the right to make laws and specialy making their own " natures law ".

So many wonders got lost before finding them and will never return only because of our foolishness .

Only because they are not helpful they should die , who are we to set this cruel rule ?

Even humans are cruel to other humans . We are treating like enemies more than mother natures childrens . because we are unaware and selfish. Peoples are different because their mindsets and that's the beauty of our nature .There is no one like us and everyone is unique and connecting different perspectives can bring us a change . Physical boundries will be nothing in front of our inner connection . We should build huminity towards humans and all living matters and let everyone bloom in their own light , energy and power to prove everyones inner beauty is in their heart .Knowledge is our power the future is in our hand and we will surely make a change !"

Well dear Rim ,

In your imaginary world you knew that one day the earth will be healed and mother earth didnt let you go. Our c mkther earth is niow healed and healing herself everyday .

On 2030 some fun things happened like reuseable straws and paper clothes became trend people were buying them . We don't cut trees to make furnitures . We are doing upcycling and using alternative options .All animals are freed now only reliable universities has the right to research on animals without keeping them caged.There are some animals getting internet famouse everyday . We have equality and balance in our education any one can learn from anywhere anytime. Education is costfree now and age is just a number . All cuntries are united. There is no fight or war .No one breaks the rule ordoes crime intentionally.

Everyone is respected here no matter what their gender ,age or status is .We are building sustainable houses for everyone using alternative ways and on this process nature is not pollouted. Everyone is earning and

no one is staying unemployed. All professions are equally admired .Self employed people are increasing day by day . Over here we don't have bad people and they are being actually educated . Teaching us life skills while making our minds open and creative . Education is costfree and we are learning to get mastery on them.

In some countries overpopulation was a massive problem but now its not and we also controling our population by supporting one child . What ever that child might be , a life is always special. We have wonderful botanical gardens and reserved seed banks which has so many rare seeds . Internet is now the most safe place and resourcefull place

All the waste is recycled and used as energy .

Spacewaste and e waste are sorted too.

Big countries are helping small countries and now we all are equal and same no big or small.

Mills and factories use green energy to produce theur work and they dont throw waste in the water or soil .

All professions are equally admired and learning and education is free

Now we have a no meat day in every month of the year and it is celebrated the whole world wide.

People now do their chores by themselves and donate their belongings which they no longer need ,no one extra stuff to clutter their home .

Everyone has a place to live a sweet home and a shelter and we dont need fill rivers or cut mountains or clean

forests to build home . Refugees are loved and cared too ,many countries are helping them to survive .

We all truely have a home to live.

There is no cage no zoo but we have virtual zoo and world tour .

Many aninals got mentally sick staying in cage for a long time ,now they allare under good treatment .

keeping pets in cage is also agnist law .You will see " No entry" billboaard in front of many forests and importaant places. Government is helping people when they need . The quantity of doing crime is very less now

There is no injustice . laws are very strict and mandatory. We have reliable snd trustworthy judiciary. I should say there is very less pending cases .

Everyone is working hard to spread positivity .

Government is really concerned about the happinesss of their citizens . People give mental health a big priority. Government encourages to take selftime and selfcare .

We can get safe and healthy food in a very cheap price .

We understand others feelings and respect them .

We use green energies now .

Other energy sources which we used before is now where they belong ,

to the nature . We are researching very hard on various topics nowdays to seek in the beauty and mystery of mother nature .

Our biodiversity is now very increased .

Our homes can now deal with earthquakes and other disasters .

We've build durable dams to stop getting fload and bush fires are also controlled.

We no more make cigarettes or tobacco products.

No one smokes not even vehicles ,mills and factories. No human trafficking and less fishing .

Our youth is so positive nowdays . Youth exchange programmes are increased too . We understand how important staying globally connected is .

Each of the countries has a special bugdet and plan to deal with future diseases and disasters .

We are now shareing our love .working hand in hand .

There us no negetivity and no hatred agnist anyone .

Everyone gets to drink clean water and eat fresh safe food.

We don't

have sewage problems nowdays .

Everything is by design and mother natures order . We dont want to harm our nature and so do our mother nature .

Earth has now chaged a lot we have wonderful seasons and climate .

Whereever I look I see greenery and beauty ,love and peace .

Everyone is working hard to make our world a better place .

We only have one earth and we love her so much , we don't want to leave her or make her unhappy or sick .

We are working thinking about our future and having a sustainable world

You would not believe ! my eyes are now filled with soothing greenery

Pond with ducks ,plants, butterflies bees ,dragonflies , grasshoppers everywhere with farmers and villegers .

And there is no pollution , no dirt

literally zero waste . Everything is recycled reuse reduced and upcycled .

We have mighty leaders reliable law and trustworthy government .

At this time the world is so beautiful , everyones heart is so beautiful .its the happiest world ever .

I know its still like a dream to you .

But if i say its true you would ask me who did it ? And my answers is us , all of us everyone unitedly . One by one from various countries bright minds and leaders came up and worked for the change .

You everything you wanted to be. I'm nothing different from you .

I am you and you are still in me.

On this world of 2030 .

Im compltetinng all the dreams that a teenager saw on her 16's. Teacher and connecting with hearts through internet .helping the poor and helpless ,working with the UN , studying in Japan and doing a research .

While your reading even if

you believe in my words the law of attraction will make it true because youve already started working on it .

I wrote this letter for a competition but never end up giving it to someone or somewhere because it became special.

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lovemesomesurveys · 5 years ago

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● Name something you lost or gave away that can never be replaced. A lot of time wasted. “I wasted my time...” ● What 5 websites do you visit often, and why? Tumblr, YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, and Pinterest. ● Name a totally useless possession and how you came to acquire it. Some would consider knickknacks and collectibles and stuff useless, and I mean yeah they just sit on a shelf, but I like stuff like that. ● What music album would be used for a movie about your life? I don’t know. ● List your bad habits and/or addictions and what you have tried to rid yourself of them. I got a lot of bad habits. As for addictions, caffeine and my pain medicine. I don’t abuse it, I take it as prescribed, but after so long your body develops a dependency. I remember several years ago I tried to cut out caffeine. It lasted a couple days, I think. haha. The headaches are no joke.

● If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be, and what would you do if later on you changed your mind? There’s a long list of things I’d want to change, but I mean if I could have good health (mentally and physically) that would make a big difference. I think some other changes would follow. I can’t imagine I’d ever change my mind about that. ● What are your religious beliefs? Have they changed, or have they always stayed the same? I’m a Christian now. Up until 4 years ago I was atheist and then agnostic. ● When was your last food craving, and what did you crave? I’ve been wanting Doritos tacos from Taco Bell lately. ● Who was your first crush and what made them special? This kid named Philip when I was in 3rd grade. He was a grade or two above me. He and I were turning the jump rope for people during this event my elementary school had every year called, Jump Rope for Heart. It was to get people active and raise awareness. Anyway, he was across from me holding the other end of the rope and I just thought he was cute haha. ● Name your most cherished childhood memory. I have a lot of those. I loved my childhood. It wasn’t without struggle or obstacles, but for some reason those things aren’t what stand out the most. I was a strong, resilient kid. Kid me would be so ashamed of how weak I am now. ● Turn to an entry in your journal or diary from a year or more ago. What has changed and what has stayed the same since then? I don’t feel like looking back on old surveys right now. ● What is one thing nobody knows about you because nobody ever cared to ask? Hmm. ● Robert Frost write a poem titled The Road Not Taken. Name a road you’ve always wanted to travel. Where do you hope it takes you, and what might you see on the way? Wait, literally or metaphorically? I mean, metaphorically I’d like to take the road that takes me to working on myself and leading to some happiness and success. That’d be nice. ● Name one thing you always wanted to do, but haven’t. What has prevented you from doing it? Uhh there’s a lot of things. I feel like I’ve wasted so much time in my life each passing year. I’m just wasting away. I want to just...live. Travel more. Do something with my life. My physical health has been a contributing factor, but ultimately it’s me. It’s my mental health. That affects me more than anything else. ● Write about your first kiss. Was it everything you wished or hoped it would be? It happened behind the drama department at my high school. It unexpected and awkward, but it was my first kiss so it was all I knew. I was so giddy about having had my first kiss it didn’t matter haha. ● What was the worst mistake or decision you have ever made in life? What could you have done differently? Oh jeez. I have a lot of regrets. One that weighs heavily on me in recent years relates to my health. I’m very stubborn. I should have taken better care of myself. I should have neglected certain things. Some things don’t just go away, they get worse. And here I am, still not taking care of myself like I should be. Each passing year... ● What song was stuck in your head recently, and what were you doing at the time that made you think of it? I Love Me by Demi Lovato. I just really like the song.

● Write about something you now know that you wish you knew earlier in life. How could this knowledge have helped you? Just going back to the big thing that’s been weighing heavily on my mind these past few years that I talked about up there. ● Write about your greatest fear. Death, losing loved ones, never getting better/getting worse, and never doing anything with my life. ● Name one thing you feel brings out the good in people. Hmm. ● Describe a time in your life when everything turned out fine, despite the odds. I mean, there have been some times where things turned out to be not as bad as I thought they would be. ● If you invented a device that could fix one problem you are facing right now, would you use it? What problem would you like to solve? I’ve talked about it enough. ● Write about the last time you spoke to your best friend. What did you talk about? Last night when my mom got home from work. She was just telling me about stuff that happened at work and the latest Coronavirus news. It’s a wild time right now. All the cancellations of events, school campuses closing, and empty shelfs because people are stockpiling on hand sanitizer, face masks, and toilet paper. Italy is quarantined. I’ve never witnessed anything like this. ● Describe a time you felt alone. I feel that way a lot. I don’t spend a lot of time physically alone, but I still feel alone a lot. ● Name something you found; what was it and where did you find it? Uhh earlier I found a new ASMR channel on YouTube to watch haha. ● What’s on your calendar for tomorrow? I have a doctor appointment. ● What is the most annoying sound you have ever heard? Eating sounds make my skin crawl. ● Describe your first job. I’ve never had one. ● What is the one thing you cannot live without? Besides oxygen, food, and water; my family. And coffee. That doesn’t get lumped into food or water, coffee gets its own honorable mention. ● Quote the nicest thing anyone has ever said about you. Lane said I was strong, beautiful, brave, and rocked red hair like nobody’s business. :D ● Are you afraid of the dark? Why or why not? I can’t sleep if it’s completely dark or quiet, which is why I sleep with the TV on. I’d be scared if the electricity went out and it was dark if I was home alone. I wouldn’t go anywhere alone at night. Even with with someone I’m heightened alert. ● Describe the longest amount of time you have ever been away from home. A week. ● Write about a recent adventure or travels. I went to Disneyland for a few days last month. It was awesome. ● Who did you idolize growing up? My mom and grandma. And some celebrities at the time that were around my age like Hilary Duff. ● Name a celebrity or famous person you wish would take you out on a date. Alexander Skarsgard. ● Describe your daily routine when you get out of bed in the morning. Take my medicine, use the restroom, have coffee. ● Name one thing you have always been good at doing. Jumping to the worst case scenarios. ● What is your favorite season, and why? Fall and winter. I love the weather, the clothes, the scents, the holidays, and just the coziness of it all. ● What was the title of the last book you read? I’m currently reading, “The Girl That Vanished” by A.J. Rivers. It’s the sequel to, “The Girl in Cabin 13.” ● List your biggest regrets. I talked about one of them already. That’s enough for today. ● Have you ever seen a ghost? No. ● Describe your note-taking style and habits. Bullet points, underlining, asterisks, and highlighting. ● Do you believe that we are all here for a reason? What might the reason be? Yes. You have to figure that out for yourself, we all have a different purpose. I’m still trying to figure mine out. ● What comes to mind when someone uses the phrase prolonging the magic? I’ve never heard that phrase. ● Have you ever done something just to feel the danger, or to feel alive? Drinking, smoking weed, and taking a ride in a truck at night on a backroad at night near a levee. That was scary, but definitely an adrenaline rush. ● What is your favorite cliché? Actions speak louder than words. ● What are all your thoughts on god? I believe in God. ● How do rainy days make you feel? I love rainy days. I do the same things I do any other day, but it’s just cozy. The sound is relaxing. ● What is the most amount of money you have had at one time? A couple grand. ● Write a celebrity crush list. Alexander Skarsgard. ● What is the most amazing thing you have ever seen, heard, or experienced? I couldn’t pick just one thing. ● What effect does music have on you? It can perk me up, it can give me a little energy if I need to clean, it can make me sad, it can make me zone out, it can make me relax. ● What did you learn today? What did you learn yesterday? Uhhh. ● What 5 traits do people first notice when they meet you for the first time? I’m sure the very first thing they notice is I’m in a wheelchair. Then probably how thin I am. Then perhaps my hair and my black rimmed glasses. Maybe my freckles. ● Have you ever carved your name or initials into a tree or stone? No. ● Does Never Never Land really exist? No, sadly. “Cause Neverland is home, to lost boys like me...” ● Where is a great place to get breakfast? This local place that’s known more for their burgers, fries, and shakes, but actually have bomb breakfast, too. I love their country gravy. ● List 3 things that went right (or wrong) today. It’s only 2 in the morning, but so far I had ramen, I’m finishing up my Starbucks Doubleshot energy drink, and I’m watching/listening to an ASMR video. Not a bad start, but we’ll see how the rest of the day goes... I have a doctor appointment later that I’m not looking forward to. Afterwards my mom and I are going grocery shopping and I’ll probably pick up Wingstop on the way home. It’s been hot lately and I’ve had a nagging headache the past couple days, so I hope that isn’t the case today. ● What is the best method of travel, and in what ways have you traveled? Car and plane. ● If you could give the world just one thing, what would it be? Peace. ● What were your best and worst subjects in school or college? English throughout school, with the addition of psychology in college. My worst was always math. I struggled with science, too. Philosophy was really fucking hard. ● Describe the most outrageous thing anyone has dared you to do. I haven't really been dared to do anything too outrageous. ● Ice cream: chocolate, vanilla, or strawberry? Strawberry, but vanilla is good as well. ● What historical events happened the year you were born? Ted Bundy was electrocuted. ● Pick up a random object that has special meaning to you and describe it in as much detail as possible. I’m on my bed and there’s 2 giraffe stuffed animals, one is a big squishy one. I love all my giraffe stuffed animals, which there are a LOT of. ● Write about a recent visit to a museum or art gallery. I visited a Walt Disney museum a couple years ago. It was really cool. ● What food items do you consider staples in a well-balanced diet? I’m the wrong person to ask about well balanced diets. Well balanced for me is Wingstop, ramen, this pizza from my favorite local pizza place, scrambled eggs, and coffee. haha. ● Describe your feelings in regards to an issue in todays society, and what would be done to fix it. I talked about the coronavirus, which is a big issue and hot topic currently, and my feelings to it already. ● If you had only one wish, what would you wish for? Cures for all diseases. ● If you could tell the world just one thing, what would you say? Wash your hands! ● Share a dirty little secret about yourself (or someone else). Nah. ● Have you ever gone skinny dipping? Noooo. ● Name something you would like to devote more time to seeing or doing. I need to devote time to taking care of myself and taking some necessary steps. ● What is the name of your favorite book, magazine, or publication? I have too many favorite books. ● Describe your first car. I’ve never had my own car. I don’t drive. ● Thunderstorms… Inspiring or scary? I love them.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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clairehazelb · 5 years ago

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A NOTE FROM THE EDITOR OF THE TENTH CUBE

And by Editor I mean, Claire Hazel,

(whom you may know as C.M. Hazel)

Writing my first historical fiction novel was a task of love, but a great endeavor nonetheless.

When we do things we love. we love the things we do. The Tenth Cube was, in essence, my love for romance and history poured onto pages of combined plotlines and historical facts. Coupled with science and a good dose of ritz, it blossomed like a garden flower into the novel it became. I felt, finally, like a writer the moment I wrote “The End.”

Writers, like professionals of other art forms, just are. Mostly, it occurred to me long ago, we can become it, like the second you write the last sentence of that novel, or publish your book, like there is a glorified ending to calling yourself a member of the elite group of artists who pine at the sight of a lonely blank page.

Or so I felt.

I read years ago -and my apologies to the person who wrote it for I sincerely do not recall the author- that ‘the moment you call yourself what you esteem yourself to be, is the moment you become it’. Therefore, if you want to be a writer, you call yourself a writer and let others deliberate on whether you are apt to be or not.

I practiced my skill of saying I was a writer in front of a mirror or while waiting for traffic to move in the lane ahead of mine. I yelled it out the window for good measure. “Move the fuck out of the way. I am a writer and can write this into my book!”

The moment somebody asked me and I said it out loud, I embodied it with pride, like the day I stepped with character shoes onto a stage felt for the actress in me. It burgeoned out of me like it was supposed to forever, waiting to be discovered. I beamed with the wine-laced fever of the evening.

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It was a pivotal moment in my history, redefining where I ended up with my work. I went on a search for myself and found my writing voice. The days were growing longer with the dawn of my ideas and entries, so I had to make use of what I was inspired to do.

Despite my assertion, that I was a writer and not a poser, fear of criticism stalled me. I faced it like stage fright, but it was a sinister face at the end of my journal telling me it was not good enough. Nothing could come out of my penned notes and rhythmic pentameters.

I read about imposter syndrome around the time, looking for ways to face my fears. As it turns out, it can apply to anyone in any career, but it is a disorder that affects writers especially so, the idea that you aren’t good enough is prevalent amongst the inked-fingered-wordsmiths in my profession.

When I finished the Tenth Cube, everything changed. While editing, I thought about a piece I had never published which explored the elements of fear. From that entry into my journal, came the text I eventually entered into my novel. I felt it appropriate for my second published book and first historical fiction novel. Aspiring writers are usually the best readers and learn best while to reading other writers’ works, taking what they can to heart. Here is part of the text in my book.

A WRITING INDULGENCE

When I first started writing The Cube (as I lovingly call this novel), I typed without direction and wrote about many topics. I posted most of it on an old website, I would not even dare call a blog at this point. I eventually learned to hold hands with my muse in a better way and supplied my artistic knowledge with my other artistic experience. But, it inevitably always led me toward the same reason for not embarking onto a manuscript fully. Fear.

My head swam with thoughts and reasons why I would fail miserably at my task. I just knew.

I know everything in stories has already been said and done.

I know I’m not alone when it comes to storytelling and interesting facts about life and circumstance. I know the very principle of storytelling relies on the fact that the narrative is good and characters are interesting. And, then again, I don’t know anything at all.

I personally see the story better in my head than how it reflects on writing.

Despite knowing and fear, stories ultimately lead you where you need to go. And for sake of argument,

Yes, I believe it’s possible to be a good storyteller, despite everything having been done already.

Rarely am I ever afraid, even rarest is my admission to the fear, but it scares me a little still because nothing has ever worked in my mind better than my stories.

I’ve failed so miserably at so many things it’s hard to start this again. I do not fear telling you this though. I write for a while and the fear disappears. I want to be the bearer of good news for new writers or those having an urge to quit like I have so many times before. Bear with me on this.

The phrase ‘It started with a notebook I once wrote’ jumped into my head a while ago. I wrote a poem about it because of the many notebooks later it took me to create the first personal entry into a public medium. I’d written about theater plays and Language Education with a technical point of view, but storytelling, like acting in stories which came to life through my fingers, became the part of me I most enjoyed writing.

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About eight years ago, I wrote a story –also based on a weird dream- and I went from there. I haven’t really stopped writing since. So, maybe that’s my beginning for this. I’ve scattered ideas and unfinished stories everywhere. My own pending as ever, the satire runneth over my brimming mind, for lack of better understanding sets perfectly in here. But, to make things simple, I will advise you to keep trying new and trying for more.

“Delia became my headstrong voice for writing. Though it was my second novel finished, she paced my thoughts in a way no other story had, and I was hooked to her charms. Delia Donovan became my daily dose of the [her-story] I so hated as a young girl and delight so in my adult years. Instead of writing columns of advice for women as I had planned, I went toward writing about strong, intelligent, resourceful, frightened yet capable women with the same principle in mind.” Claire Hazel

Delia will hopefully continue to inspire stories – I am in research and writing the second novel. There will likely be a third as well.

Aspiring writer and authors, the gist of what I mean in this.

It took me X years to develop the voice I needed to write this book.

It took me lll to research and write the full novel, with periods of off and on to dream and work on other projects.

It has taken me lV between trying to publish on my own and finding a publisher.

The Tenth Cube became an enduring project because it has a life worth living, I have said that before I think. Most writers live in this world where stories cannot go untold. Therefore my dear thirtysomething-writer who hasn’t started yet, if you are like I was, find the outlet to do so and share the story that has a life worth living.

Take the time to write and sit with confidence to edit. And please, share with me that hard-pressed jewel when you like.

A big box with recycled paper packing and a mug of coffee with enough supply for reading will be the most delicious treat a grown girl could ever get.

What are then, these so-called Elements

By ways of telling you of the best technique I have used to move my stories and find the hidden information in my characters I need to shape their persona, we will use the What if? technique. What ifs are a way to create possibility. When you have doubts, there are endless What ifs going around in your head like a merry-go-round of incertitude. In essence, The Elements of said turntable of fear could be considered the following:

What if I can’t write like the rest of the authors I read?

This could fall within the impostor syndrome I wrote about before. You are not an impostor of your own game, you feel like a writer, believe it with confidence. It does not mean you have to be like other writers, successful or not.

Writing may or may not take time. For the present me, it is a matter of sitting to the type or jot down notes. But as I mentioned, it took many years to develop a voice I found pleasing and suitable, according to my desired writing style. I guess what is important is that

you don’t imitate but emulate those you love AT FIRST to develop your own voice

write about what you like and not what people like, the audience will find you and relate better

study the greats and accommodate your needs through your learning styles and experiences

nobody is alike and we are all connected, so find what works for your personal style without judging yourself or thinking you will be compared

What if there are things I don’t know or need to include in my novel I know absolutely nothing about?

Researching novels doesn’t have to be grueling work. Annote as you write (for pantsers) or outline the novel as you want it to be (plotter). Your writing style can help or hinder you. So, read carefully,

Research as needed before and fully after finishing your manuscript

Too much research can create difficulty for you and/or your reader, who is probably not in need to sit through, say, a history class instead of understanding through the plot movement

Too little research shows lack of pulchritude and disrespect to your readers, or make you sound nonchalant and ignorant.

Rule of thumb? Be aware, show knowledge, but don’t over inform.

What if I get stuck in my writing process?

Find inspiration wherever you look or take time to be still and OBSERVE

Nature, life, family, etc, show us and teach us. Use its lessons to show you the way, so do not just look and see, WATCH AND LEARN

Don’t overwhelm yourself or stick to a plotline if you feel stuck. Take a break to refresh your ideas and they will hit you when you least expect it, I promise you! An exercise that works for me is jumping the part where I am stuck and either mind mapping or planning the ending first then backtracking to the difficult area

Talk to your characters. they tell you lies at times but help you find the way. Listen carefully!

What if they do not help me publish?

Many writers are still sitting on the sideline of genius, gems of witing prose at their fingertips. Sadly, most give up writing because of this. I have quarried and continue to quarry publishers without much success, but I keep pressing on.

I self-published my first two books with great difficulty and many years of work, but they paid off in a way nothing else has. Take your chances with self-publishing. (I will soon open a platform for other writers to send me manuscripts to publish as an editor. News on this later!)

What if I don’t have time to write?

Write where ever you are able to create a strong writing muscle. Keep pen and pads where ever you can or use phones and tablets, recording apps, and /or your digital cameras

Take every chance you get to exercise the need to write, be it a post-it note or a short phrase inside a journal, a Tweet or a love note, make those words count in your favor

What if I do not feel like I can write my novel (yet)?

Use blogs, submit to magazines, write articles or content, keep journals, or write your family’s newsletter.

Contact your local papers or ask if anybody needs a content writer in your school or local businesses

Start with simpler texts, like magazine entries and restaurant menus

Keep writing your way into the published author you want to be without thinking that you have to have a published book in your hands before you can call your self a writer. There are hundreds of professions where writing is a need and many forms of writing are included in this. Comic book writers, for exa

Comic book writers, for example, are storytellers, too. It is a matter of how you see your writing come to life to show others your stories. Find where your style fits best and show your best work.

My final writing indulgence was to tell other writers that there are ways, time, and chances to do what you love and ways to do it. The biggest problem most people face is fear, but fear can come with a face, a price tag, a backseat without a window, or an empty stomach and children on your hip.

We may fear different things which hinder our jump into the life we want. Discovering the fear we face is the first step toward the freedom from it. The next is up to you.

With love,

Claire.

Lovely writer and content creator, take a moment to create your own purpose, and formulate a plan to write your way into the content you like to read. Start by creating your own space and sharing with others the gift of your writing wisdom, comedic genius, romantic side, laughing tales of your youth, or the recipes and secrets your grandmother gave you to keep.

You will get a cool credit for those plugins that make your place shine and sparkle.

It is easy and fast to start. Tell me about it on your way back to my content and happy writing!

Disclaimer: Credit and site themes powered by WordPress

Before the Tenth Cube. I typed without direction and wrote about many topics. With time and practice, I learned to hold hands with my muse, but fear held me back. Learn how to understand it and push past it. A NOTE FROM THE EDITOR OF THE TENTH CUBE And by Editor I mean, Claire Hazel,

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confusednoni · 5 years ago

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Post-Grad Depression

Post-Grad Depression.

(This is literally my journal entry to MYSELF, for MYSELF to reference later) ( I am just deciding to share it because I googled this topic before journaling my thoughts)

Ugghh…just spent the entire last half hour crying into my pillow, after the reality hit that I will be moving back home, just 3 months after graduating with my Bachelors. Life after college doesn’t always go as planned. What a cliché. That is literally what everyone says to the recent grad, but it is so right. Maintaining your positivity that things will work out is so important but having that healthy dose of skepticism could probably take a load off the time you will spend depressed if things don’t go as planned.

Now, I am not saying that you can’t cry or be sad. Be mad, scream, sulk, cry, stare blankly at the ceiling or out the window, do what you need to do to express that frustration. I am assuming life has taken a bad turn since you are reading this right now. Trust me, I know first-hand, this f&cking sucks. Take however long you need to process this. Sometimes life throws a ball of foil in the microwave of your life. Explode for a second. Recover. Now we have to get back to reality. Why is this my reaction to moving back home.

Why am I so depressed about moving back home. After talking to myself for a good hour after my freakout, I realized, I have been running for the past 4 and a half years. Running from home. Home is not a bad place, the name alone evokes that of a warm hug, loved ones and great meals. But I will say, based on my personal experiences growing up, I don’t always have the most positive reaction to the home experience. Let me be more specific, the outside-my-home experience. I am afraid. Afraid of the stereotype of what moving back home often represents. What if I get stuck, mentally. What if I can’t find a job I am happy with. Am I truly ready to start my adult job? What would that even look like? How will I make new friends? Here is where I feel my questions roll into that new stereotype of millennials and needing experiences, it is definitely something I resonate with. Will I still have time for adventures? How long will it take me to become bored with my routine? How long will I have to do things by myself until I can find friends interested in the same things? Please don’t let me get so wrapped up in old things that I forget all the growing and learning I did.

I know there are ways to prevent the thousand-rings spiral of questions barreling through my mind from actually happening, or impacting me in a super negative way, but I’m venting. I also recognize that all these thoughts are perfectly normal and happen to so many people after they graduate. I could join an exercise group. Did you know there are so many groups of people just trying to be active, right on that Facebook app people never use and honestly probably don’t even have? Actually, why don’t you just go straight to the Meetup or Eventbrite websites. No need to dig up your Facebook pages from their graveyards. It sounds like I am taking a dump on the site, but honestly, I use it every day. You could sign up for a fitness class or any class where you can learn a new skill. Join a small sports team or league, you will find that comradery you have been searching for post-grad. It seems like the most important thing for me is to remember to search for that community. I crave, as I think most new grads do, that sense of similar interest communities. There are probably other things I need to learn to make that post-grad life transition, but it will all happen in time.

Now, this article in the Chicago Tribune, https://www.chicagotribune.com/lifestyles/health/ct-post-graduation-depression-20170808-story.html did a way better job at this, than my unedited, not-proofread, sporadic personal journal entry.

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dailyaudiobible · 6 years ago

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03/25/2019 DAB Transcript

Deuteronomy 4:1-49, Luke 6:39-7:10, Psalms 68:1-18, Proverbs 11:28

Today is the 25th day of March. Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I’m Brian. It’s great to be here with you as we dive into this workweek and sail through to the end of this week and to the end of this month and we’ll be selling through the book of Deuteronomy in the Old Testament and then the book of Luke as we continue our journey through the New Testament. So, today we will continue with Moses final discourses, the final things that he has to say to the children of Israel before he becomes a part of their history and they move across the Jordan toward the promised land. And this is what the book of Deuteronomy is. So, today we will read Deuteronomy chapter 4 and we’re reading from the Good News Translation this week.

Commentary:

Okay. So, as we talked about when we began the book of Deuteronomy, the book itself contains the final three conversations or discourses or talks that Moses had before the entire community of Israel. And, so, today we concluded the first of those three discourses and Moses was reminding the people of the fact that they were in a covenant with God and how vital it was to remember, to remember to obey the covenant. Moses said, “search the past, the time before you were born all the way back to the time when God created human beings on the earth. Search the entire earth. Has anything as great as this ever happened before? Hss anyone ever heard of anything like this?” And then Moses reiterated the fact that there’s only one God and all of the invitations that they might come into contact with throughout their generations to worship lesser things, these temptations would come but if they would remember who they were and how they got where they were and who God truly is then they will prosper in the land. I mean, the unfortunate thing is this isn’t always going to be the story for them, but we struggle with the very same things. And, so, as we continue with the story of the children of Israel, we will continue to basically be exposing our own hearts. So, we remember Moses telling the children of Israel, “obey all of the laws that I'm giving you, all of the terms of this covenant.

And then we get into the book of Matthew and we see Jesus speaking of these same kinds of struggles. He says, “why do you keep calling me Lord, Lord, when you don't do what I say?” So, Jesus was offering teachings and a worldview that would lead people to peace and wholeness, which is what Moses was doing. And if we want this wholeness we have to remember the same things that the children of Israel to remember, the same things that Moses is trying to instill into them and into their culture going forward are the same things we have to remember - who we are, how we got here and who the one true God is - because this is the way life is supposed to work. The problem usually happens when we want to be that sovereign God, right, when we want to fashion our own lives however we want to but then we start fashioning them in ways that will not work and then when they don't work we want to blame God, like we want don’t want to be the sovereign anymore because He's the Sovereign and it's gotta be His fault. So, when we behave like that, in ways that make us the sovereign then we have forgotten who we are, how we got here and who God is. And this has always been the human condition, right, since early in the story of Genesis almost 3 months ago now. So, these discourses in the book of Deuteronomy, they are Moses certainly saying what he needs to say, but they are also Moses pleading with the children of Israel to not forget. Jesus was doing the same thing with people of his time and both of their words are calling to us from the Bible today in our time, right now. So, in ancient, ancient times Moses is telling the children of Israel, “if you’ll listen to what I'm telling you and you will obey this I am showing you the pathway that will lead you to life and the promise, the life you were intended and created to live.” We have Jesus saying the same kinds of things to the people He was ministering to. And through that ministry we have Jesus speaking to us today telling us the same thing. So, here these words from Jesus. “Anyone who comes to me and listens to my words and obeys them, I will show you what he is like. He is like a man who in building his house, dug deep and laid the foundation on rock. The river flooded over and hit that house but could not shake it because it was well built.”

Prayer:

Jesus, it is our desire that be a description of our lives and this is all possible because You spoke this from Your own lips and the criteria is that we will listen to Your words and obey them. So, we have a role to play in this, this is a collaboration and we have to do our part knowing full well that You will do Your part. Come Holy Spirit because, as Moses was pleading with the children of Israel and as we have advanced knowledge of their story, they forget what he told them. That is our story too. We often forget who we are, how we got here, and who You are. So, come Holy Spirit, plant the words deep in our lives so that they are reverberating in our souls continually, so that we are always listening to Your words. Help us Holy Spirit. We surrender our will to You so that we might obey Your words. And the repercussions of that will be that we will be built on a firm foundation. Come Holy Spirit we pray. In Jesus’ name we ask. Amen.

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Looking at the calendar, the next event coming up is the More Gathering for women and that will be taking place, if you didn't know, April 11th through 14th. And that is a couple weeks from now. So, registration for the More Gathering will be closing on the 31st of December. So, this is our final week that you can register for the More Gathering and then we need to close that down and get everything prepared and all of the logistics that are required for all of us on the team here to do something like this. So, if you have been kind of sitting on the fence and thinking about it, just kinda letting you know how long you have to think about it and hope we can see you there.

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And that's it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hi family this is his little Cherry in Canada. I wanted to thank Lisa the Encourager for leaving the…your own personal version of the Lord’s prayer on the community podcast. I was so blessed by that. It was so poetic and so beautiful. I listened to it twice. Pilate of the sky, Captain of the sea. I love that. Thank you so much and you inspired me to call and to read and entry from my journal that I wrote a while ago that just reminds me of how a beautiful and heroic Jesus is. It says, “it’s easy to give up when there’s no hope left. It’s easy to lie down when your strength is gone. But Jesus You gave up Your life when you were brimming with energy, full of potential, poised for greatness. No other man had ever been so alive. No other man had so many reasons to live. But in Your prime You stepped down from the podium, walked away from the Oscar and kissed __ full all on the mouth for me. This is the God I worship the one who makes a cross His trophy.” Thanks so much for the inspiration Lisa the encourager and all of your prayers. Thanks, so much family. I am continually blessed by this community. Isn’t Jesus beautiful? Bye for now.

Hi family, my name is Jill, I’ve called in before. __ I’m from the state of Washington and my husband is a sexual addict. This weekend we are headed to a retreat where I have been asked to speak on where I was when I found out my husband was a sexual addict two years ago and where has God taken and how He is provided for me. Obviously, I’m not completely healed otherwise by voice wouldn’t be cracking and I wouldn’t be shivering at this call but at the same time I have strength in my husband’s recovery, in watching him work his program and I want to tell spouses out there, there is hope, there is…there are programs that men and women can become involved in and help them become who God intended them to be. Please pray for me family. I know this will air after I speak but I am…I’m afraid, I don’t want to make somebody stumble. I don’t want to cry in front of colleagues. I want to be clear in the message of Jesus Christ and who He is and who I have come to lean on. It’s not that I have __ body image but that I am a sister, I am a child of God. Thank you, family. Please pray for me.

Good morning DAB family this is Steve from Utah it is 536 in the morning I’m on my way to work. I dropped the babies off before going to work and I was listening to the Daily Audio Bible today, the 22nd of March and I heard, I believe it was Dash from Indiana. And Dash said, from Indiana, I got his message, talked about __ worthlessness and hopelessness and depression and suicide. And I just wanted…I had to just stop and immediately and call because I was hearing myself. I mean, I struggled with a lot of those same things my friend. Just with those feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness ,you know, thought’s of suicide even though I wouldn’t go to it, you know, same thing, I wouldn’t go through it either but those feelings are miserable __ . Same thing, struggling with a job that’s not ideal to be away from my family for __ hours a day sometimes where I don’t get to see them for long stretches and its very, very disheartening. So, I just wanted to pray for you brother because I don’t know what else to do. It’s just when I’m in those situations that I know that prayer works, and I know a lot of people __ are praying for you. So, God I just want to reach out. Thank You so much for everything You do for us Lord and for just for the simple fact that even when we don’t feel it You don’t give up on us and I just want to pray for Dash and just wanted Your of comfort over him and his family, just let them know that he’s not alone and that he always has You and to do not give up. __. Dash, I love you brother. Amen. I’ll be praying for you every day. Bye-bye.

Hey fellow DABbers this is Joe the Protector from Georgia here. It’s Friday March 22nd at 803 in the morning. I just got finished listening to the podcast a few moments ago and just wanted to call in because I heard I believe it was Dash from Indiana and brother I heard your cry, your plea on your call in and…man…I just…I didn’t I didn’t feel pity for you, I felt empathetic…I just…I’ve had the thoughts of, you know, not being able to provide for my family or thinking I’m not but my family’s always been provided for, thank the Lord, you know, but as far as the thoughts of just pure depression, wanting to lock myself away, and with suicidal thoughts, I really have never had those so I can’t…I can’t relate so much there but as for the other I can. You know, I’m always thinking, man I’m not providing enough for my family but like I said, the Lord has always provided for me. So, I just wanted to call and, you know, pray over you and give you hope and just to let you know that the Lord is our hope. Jesus has paid the price for us not to feel those things and not to…not to act out in those emotions but I’ll give you prayer. Dear heavenly Father, we just come to You right now and give praise and honor and glory to You Father God. We lift Your name up. And Father God, I just thank You for Dash right now and I just pray that You pour hope into his life Father God, pour joy into his life Father God, allow him to speak and __ after You so You just provide all those…

Good morning Daily Audio Bible this is…or Daily Audio Bible family, this is Bridget from New York City. Today is March 22nd. I just finished listening to Brian Read the Numbers Scriptures and talks about murders, you know, premeditated and accidental death and I just want to share… When my son-in-law was killed my daughter said that the guy, his name is Michael and the other kid involved is Thomas, looked at my daughter. And when I prayed about it I was really angry for a long…for a little bit, you know, with God of course, but when I prayed about it the Lord brought me to John the Baptist and how John was beheaded, you know, from one moment of the next and, you know, God started softening my heart. And it just…he brought me to a place of, you know, where this young man killed my son-in-law by accident basically. The intent wasn’t to kill him, the intent was to scare him. I don’t know how __ that is but I know I was a sinner. I know what I’ve done. I know the poor decisions I’ve made, and that God has kept me from being incarcerated or homeless or dead or just…so many things that I’ve done. And I just want to ask everybody to pray for these two young men involved., for Michael and Thomas. I don’t think they killed him. I really feel like it was an accident and, unfortunately, they still have to pay, but please lift them up, okay, Michael and Thomas. Thanks.

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