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scullyverse · 3 years

Text

Covered In Skin

Prompt by Laura @bohoartist for the MSR Smut Exchange 2021;

One of them (your choice) is dealing with some sore muscles while away on a case. This leads to the other giving them a massage in one of their motel rooms. One thing leads to another... yaddayaddayadda. First Time Sex please.

This is for the lovely Laura! Your prompt was so fun to write and I really hope you enjoy it! <3 Part of the MSR Smut Exchange 2021! I had so much fun participating in this event!

Also available to read on ao3

Mulder pulls a muscle during an assignment and Scully is only too happy to give him a massage in his motel room. One thing leads to another and first time sex ensues. Set early season 7. Fic for the MSR Smut Exchange 2021.

Mulder/Scully || Smut || 9.4k words || Rating E (Explicit for smut)

“Mulder! He’s headed your way!” Scully shouted, gun raised, eyes focused as the suspect made a turn away from her.

She watched as Mulder lunged out from the corner, bringing both his own body and that of the suspect to the pavement. Scully grimaced at the noise, lowering her gun now that Mulder had the suspect pinned under his knee. The safety was flipped and her gun put back into its holster as she made her way towards him. Police removed the suspect and left Scully to help her partner to his feet, smiling up at him as her hand shielded her eyes from the sun.

“Nice job there, Mulder. I didn’t take you for the tackling type.” Scully mused, her tone light.

“There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me yet, Scully,” Mulder teased as he brushed dirt from his pants. “I’m not just going to give all my tricks away at once.”

Her eyes rolled but she was unable to stop the slight tug of a smile on her lips as he bumped her shoulder playfully while both of them walked behind the police who loaded the suspect into the car. They had been called onto this case for an extra set of hands and though it wasn’t an X file, even Mulder had jumped at the opportunity to get off desk duty. It was a fairly simple drug bust, but Scully missed how her pulse pounded and how her adrenaline surged from being out on the field again. They stopped to watch the police car drive away and Scully crossed her arms over her chest, her eyes squinting once again against the sun.

Mulder looked down at her with soft eyes, placing his hand on her lower back; a sign of comfort, support, and - recently discovered - affection. Scully felt herself relax into his familiar caress. How can a simple touch make me feel so comforted and at the same time make me feel like shaking?

She wasn’t sure what had formed between them, they had exchanged a few odd kisses here and there over the past few months, which Scully had to admit were new and exciting. It had started one night when she had felt particularly bold, he had dropped her off at home and she’d taken a leap of faith and stood up onto her toes to kiss him. It had been short and sweet and had left her with a shy smile from the look of pleasant surprise etched onto his face. Then it had happened again, this time he had taken the initiative and kissed her at work. It was gentle and at first she had been taken aback by his forwardness, but then he had said she looked beautiful and she’d wanted to kiss him again. So she had.

Neither spoke of what it meant but it was nice nonetheless. That night they shared in his hotel room in Bellefleur, just talking into the early hours of the morning all those years ago, sparked her initial attraction to him, to his brilliance and remarkable mind. It wasn’t until later that the attraction expanded to his body too. Scully couldn’t speak for Mulder, but she knew her own hesitations towards the progression of her feelings for him. She was scared, even if it made her angry to see herself so succumbed to that fear. They were gravitating towards each other in a bubble and she feared the moment the bubble would burst, that the after effects would ruin the relationship they had before. But in their bubble she just couldn’t stop herself from constantly being sucked into his energy and inviting eyes. Eyes that seemed to captivate her for a moment now as he smiled down at her and led her towards their rental car. Her body hummed with the feeling of his strong hand on her back. So warm .

---♡---

Once they arrived at the hotel, the sun had only just set so they arranged to make use of their spare time and finish their paperwork. Scully took her time to shower and change into something more comfortable before she knocked on his door, files under her arm and glasses in hand. The air conditioning made their rooms much more accommodating than the heat outside, though Scully had still opted for silk shorts and matching singlet. Gone were the days of keeping herself overly covered in his presence; she had found herself gaining confidence around him and secretly loved the way his eyes would linger on her, finally outwardly admiring her as someone desirable. It gave her such a thrill.

It wasn’t long before Scully heard him shuffle on the other side of the door and open it with a smile. She took in his appearance; wet hair, shirt stuck to some wet spots on his skin and a pair of simple sweatpants. She was well aware he usually slept in nothing but his boxers; having been greeted by the sight in the early mornings when he answered the door rubbing sleep from his eyes. Is he being considerate to me by wearing these? Should I have been more considerate to him and changed into something more appropriate? She swallowed a slight hiccup of breath when she saw him completely transfixed on the expanse of her bare legs before his eyes moved to her chest and she felt her nipples tighten in response. His eyes met hers and she noticed his cheeks blushing. Scully could feel herself growing warm. So maybe he doesn’t mind me wearing this.

Mulder raised up his arm and Scully smiled as she ducked her head and slipped under and into the room, looking around the room with a sigh. The hotel was nice but it didn’t give much in the way of work spaces. She opted for the floor in front of the coffee table, legs crossed and tucked under her as he stood by the door for a moment.

“You okay on the floor, Scully?” He walked towards her but seemed hesitant to sit on the chair. “You can have the chair.”

“It’s fine, Mulder. I’m quite comfortable down here.”

He watched as she slid on her glasses and he finally sat down on the chair doing the same. They worked in silence, only the occasional question asked between them. With him, even silence was a comfort and Scully worked better with him next to her and the sound of his pen scrawling over paper. It reminded her of them working in their old basement office before the fire. Their old office. They continued to work and Scully was only brought out of her concentration when she heard a groan, Mulder stretching and rolling his neck. She studied him out of the corner of her eye for a moment as Mulder continued, discomfort evident on his face.

“Are you alright, Mulder?” She asked, her head tilted and tone curious.

“I’m fine,” Mulder groaned again. “Just pulled a muscle or something. Maybe tackling that guy wasn’t the smartest idea I’ve had.”

Mulder rarely showed discomfort, so Scully knew it must be uncomfortable for him. She put her glasses down and got to her feet, walking towards the bed.

“Come on. Lay down and let me give you a massage. It will help with the pain and loosen up those muscles of yours.” Scully gave the bed a pat. “Your body is probably tense in an attempt to protect the area you hurt.”

“A massage?” Mulder looked at her with a glint in his eyes. “Well, how can a guy turn down an offer like that?”

Mulder made his way towards the bed and stopped in front of her, his eyes flicking between her and the bed for a few awkward moments as his fingers hesitated in the idea of removing his shirt. In the end he chose against it and crawled onto the bed face down, a pillow pushed under his cheek for support.

“This okay? Or should I wiggle back so you can reach?” He teased.

“Shut up, Mulder,” Scully retorted in jest and rolled her eyes, climbing onto the bed and kneeling at his side as she rubbed her hands together in an attempt to warm them. “The position you are in is just fine. Push your luck and you’ll get nothing.” It was an empty threat and Mulder knew it because he just smiled and tucked one arm under the pillow.

Scully looked down at him and thought about the best way to tackle the situation before she found a spark of courage and threw caution to the wind. She rested her hands on his back before tugging at his shirt. “It will be easier if you take this off.” Scully had to bite a retort in her throat as he looked back at her with a cocked eyebrow. A playful scowl, though, was enough for him to close his mouth. Pulling the shirt over his head, Mulder revealed the vast expanse of his back to her. Scully’s eyes raked over him and for the first time she let herself admire his physique. He really is attractive. Mulder adjusted himself and got back into a comfortable position.

Straddling his thighs, a slight blush crept onto across her nose when she heard a soft moan slip from his lips. He felt hot and smooth as she ran her hands up the middle of his back with enough pressure that evoked a content rumble. Scully knew these muscles like the back of her hand but everything left her brain after a few moments of her hands on his skin. Instinct kicked in and she followed the curve of his spine, allowing her weight to travel down to her fingers. Mulder’s head tilted with a soft smile on his lips, his bottom lip pouted out in relaxation. That bottom lip looks so goddamn kissable . She shook her head in an attempt to erase the lustful thought, which caused her hair to fall and curtain her face. Good. Now maybe he can’t see me looking at that fucking lip of his.

Scully rose to her knees and shuffled forward so her hands could reach his shoulder as she worked her way towards the area that caused him pain. Settling on his ass, her eyes focused on how his skin rippled under her the movement of her fingers until Mulder suddenly jolted away from her.

“Is that where it’s uncomfortable?” Scully questioned, easing the pressure off slightly as she looked down at him with warm eyes.

“Yeah,” Mulder nodded. “Keep going though. Feels amazing, Scully.”

Scully pressed harder once again and settled back into a rhythm as Mulder moved his head and rested it back into the pillow, shielding his eyes from her. His muscles soon relaxed under her touch as she continued to work, a deep blush blossoming on her cheeks, and a warmth soon settled in her stomach as she bounced slightly against his ass with every movement of her hands. The way the curve of his right ass cheek managed to hit just the right spot applied a delicious pressure between her legs. Stop, god, you need to stop right now . She knew she should but she didn’t seem to have control over how her hips rocked gently against him. Scully heard a sudden intake of breath and she stilled instantly. Was that noise from me or him? She couldn’t be sure and she mentally chastised herself for being so focused on the feeling of him underneath her to maintain awareness. Suddenly everything seemed deathly quiet and she could swear she could hear her heartbeat.

“Keep going.” Mulder whispered just loud enough for her to hear.

There was a sudden shift in the air as Scully swallowed, her fingers continuing once more, this time making a solid attempt to keep her hips still. He wanted her to continue the massage and she would keep herself professional and do just that. Though it was impractical to keep them completely still and she couldn’t help the slight movement as she bore her weight down into her hands. Scully bit her lip and tried to focus on her fingers moving against his muscles, which became increasingly harder when she felt fingertips brushing delicately against her knee. Don’t look. Just keep going. She tried, but after a few moments she looked down and saw Mulder’s fingers playing with the skin of her knee with his head still planted firmly into the bed. Is he aware he is doing it?

Scully said nothing and the more it continued the more she didn’t want it to stop. Every touch sent butterflies to her stomach and it was those butterflies that spurred her on, to rock her hips again now unable to stop her natural instinct to seek relief of the heat she could feel between her legs. Scully bit her lip as a warmth crept up her chest. When did I become so aroused? The air seemed thick and she held back a moan when she felt his hips move beneath her. The way his hips rolled against the bed only added to the palpable tension of the room.

“S-Scully.” Mulder cleared his throat.

She opened her eyes when she heard her name. Wait, were my eyes closed? Scully looked down to meet his gaze, his eyes were almost black and his cheeks had a flush all of their own.

“I’m not sure this is the type of massage you signed up for,” he chuckled in an attempt to ease the tension between them, rolling his hips once again to keep his weight off the bed. “Not that I’m complaining.”

“Wha-oh!” Scully exclaimed.

It took a second for everything to register, then the flush of arousal on her cheeks was suddenly replaced by a deep blush of embarrassment. She removed her hands and quickly moved off him before moving back to sit on her knees. “I’m sorry Mulder, I didn’t realise.” Well that was a lie. It was obvious her movements had some effect on him, she could feel it in how he seemed to be dry humping the bed. Scully bit her lip and couldn’t take her eyes off him as he rolled over and she caught a glimpse of the erection tented in his pants, a small wet patch on the fabric. Mulder grabbed a pillow, pressing it into his lap as he moved to sit against the headboard.

“I’m sorry about this,” Mulder paused, looking at her with a childish blush of his cheeks as he nodded to the pillow before avoiding her gaze. “It will go away soon.”

They sat in silence for a moment before Scully felt his eyes on her again. He watched her with his bottom lip still pouted, though Scully now figured it was from arousal. God, how I want to kiss you. Scully licked her lips as her thoughts raced along with the rapid pounding of her pulse in her chest and between her legs. She had seen Mulder in all states of human emotion before. But arousal hadn’t been one of them until now and the way he looked at her kicked her hormones into overdrive. It was like the last six years of pent up energy hit her all at once and her body ached for him now that he was so close .

“I guess you just give one hell of a massage.” His voice was rough and low but he gave her a gentle smile.

She could tell he was trying to lighten the mood and she appreciated him for that; her lips curled into a small smile to show him she was thankful for his attempt to ease the tension between them. But her body was tuned into him now and she found herself unwilling to hold herself back any longer. Please, God. Don’t let this be a mistake. Please. A silent prayer was sent above as she got to her hands and knees and crawled towards him, stopping beside him before getting up onto her knees. Mulder watched every movement with a tightened grip on the pillow. They were now close enough to share the same breath as she reached out to trace his jaw with her thumbs and over the slight stubble on his chin. Her thumbs stopped on his lips as they pushed gently down on his bottom lip, the air thick and all Scully could feel was his warmth.

“Kiss me.” Scully said with a hushed whisper. She wanted him. Oh, how she wanted him.

Mulder searched her eyes and kissed her thumbs before arching his neck and meeting her lips. Oh, I forgot how soft his lips are . Scully moaned into his mouth as she tasted the salt and liquid warmth that was just so Mulder . She leaned forward and urged him to deepen the kiss with a lick of her tongue on his bottom lip and when he parted his lips, that was all the invitation she needed. When their tongues touched for the first time she felt a shiver shoot down her spine. This is new. They hadn’t shared anything but chaste kisses in the past and that was nothing compared to how he felt against her tongue. Mulder rumbled deep in his chest which caused Scully to whimper in return, allowing herself to be consumed by him. How have I not kissed him like this before? When on earth did he learn to kiss like this? I feel so hot. How can a kiss make me feel this hot? Damn him.

The kiss was heated and fervent and Scully found herself conflicted; she didn’t want it to end but she also wanted to turn and run in the opposite direction. Though that hesitation got smaller and smaller with every brush of his fingers on her skin and movement against her lips and when he nibbled on her bottom lip, her knees buckled with arousal. He pulled away from her sudden movement and she swallowed a whine of disapproval, sitting back down onto her heels. Her lips were hot and swollen as she caught her breath, his fingers still resting on her collarbones and every brush sent pulses down to her centre. He looked so beautiful in this state of arousal and she didn’t think it possible for his bottom lip to look even more kissable than before.

The air between them sat heavy as they both looked at each other and gathered their bearings. Scully found herself unsure of what to do; her mind and body were still conflicted, but the longer her eyes lingered on his lips, the more she found herself running out of excuses to push him away. There was a primal attraction and if he was willing, she wanted to submit to it and give herself to him. Well, only one way to find out. There’s no turning back now anyway, right? Scully moved one hand and reached for the pillow, intertwining her fingers with his as Mulder gripped the pillow tighter.

“Scully…You don-“

“I want to.” Scully’s voice was soft but firm.

Mulder searched her eyes before he relented. Scully felt her pulse quicken as she removed the pillow and threw it to the side of the bed, his eyes on her as she looked down to admire the full state of arousal he tried to shield from her. They had seen each other naked before and she hadn’t been able to stop herself from looking at him, purely out of curiosity, under the spray of the quarantine showers, but she had never seen him aroused and so proudly on display just for her.

A deep hunger settled in her body and she fought herself to not just reach out and touch him. I know that I want him. But I need to know that he wants this too. Straddling his lap, she wrapped her arms around his neck for support and this time he was the first to make a move. He pulled her in for a kiss with a smile on his lips, one that Scully eagerly replied with one of own. Mulder’s smile faltered when she rubbed herself against him, pushing his erection flush between them. A groan fell from his lips as she rolled her hips, the friction delicious as Scully pulled away from the kiss, their foreheads pressing together as they continued to rock. His hands hovered above her exposed thighs, his fingers opening and closing in fists as his hips rolled with her, making serious attempts to thrust against her damp centre. He’s so eager and man do I want him inside me.

Her eyes watched him as he fought with himself, obviously unsure if he could touch her like he wanted to. Is he hesitant to push me too far? There was something inside her that felt guilty for how she pushed him away so much in the past. He looked at her confused when she stopped her hips before she reached down and took his hands in hers, putting them on her thighs to give him encouragement.

“You can touch me. I want you to touch me,” Scully coaxed, her voice soft and husky. “Please, Mulder.”

Scully sucked in a breath as she allowed him to move his hands up her thighs, resting her hands on his arms in a soft hold as he explored her skin. Mulder guided his hands under the thin fabric of her shirt and her hips began to move again, her body now pulled flush against him. She bit her lip as he looked down at her breasts pushed against his chest and her nipples hardened from the sensation. Mulder’s hands moved to grasp her ass with no hesitation now as he encouraged the movement of her hips. Yes, touch me.

“You have no idea how long I have wanted to feel you in my lap like this.” Mulder remarked with a smile on his lips that Scully could only describe as a smirk of pure lust. His thumbs tucked into her underwear and the touch was so intimate it caused arousal to flood from her centre.

“I’ve wanted it too,” Scully bowed her head with a smirk which only made Mulder’s smile grow. “I still want it.”

Scully moved to kiss him with instantly parted lips, inviting him to deepen the kiss with enthusiasm. His hands held her tight as he gave a sharp thrust of his hips, causing Scully to give a high pitched sigh as she bit his lip once before resting her nose on his cheek.

“I need you.” Scully whispered.

Her hands slid down between them and rested either side of the erection tented in his pants as her fingers itched to touch him. He’s so close . Scully shifted back and his hips stilled as she looked at him with pleading eyes.

“Please, Scully.”

Her whole body quivered as a sharp jolt of arousal shot through her at how he begged her. Fuck, Mulder, you need to beg me again . She bit her bottom lip, removed his pants and watched how his erection sprung itself free and lay hard and swollen against his stomach. God, you are so beautiful . The tip of his cock leaked for her and it nearly made her whimper. Nearly. His fingers tangled in her hair as they kissed, his thumbs brushing her cheeks in affection that made Scully’s heart jump. Trust didn’t come easy for her and especially not in the bedroom, but right now she trusted Mulder with her body. He smiled into the kiss and gasped when Scully’s fingertips brushed the underside of his cock, her blunt nails dragging softly from base to tip.

“I didn’t know a bed could get you so aroused, Mulder.” Scully purred.

Mulder opened his eyes, looking at her smirking in affection while her nails continued to tease him. “You know full well it wasn’t the bed, Scully.”

“No. I guess it wasn’t.” Scully bit her bottom lip as she watched Mulder’s head fall backwards with pleasure.

She wrapped her fingers around his cock and began to stroke up and down. Mulder was so warm and his skin so soft in her hand as she collected his precum and used it to coat her fingertips so she could glide easier against his cock. Mulder groaned, gripping the sheets as he started to thrust his hips in a desperate attempt to achieve some relief. Taking her time, Scully marvelled at the different moans and gasps she brought out of him with the different movements of her hand; like a twist of her wrist or a squeeze of the tip of his cock. She caught him off guard when she cupped his scrotum and his hips jolted up, parting his thighs to allow more space as her hand sped up. Soon though, Mulder stopped her.

“Wait. I want to touch you too.” Mulder cleared his throat. “And if you keep doing that this is going to end much quicker than either of us want.”

Scully blushed in understanding. “I want you to touch me too.” Fuck how I want you to touch me .

Mulder nodded as Scully stood up on shaky legs as she removed her shorts, her fingers resting on the band of her underwear. She watched how Mulder visibly swallowed, eyes fixated on her. Scully would have been embarrassed with how wet she knew she was if she wasn’t already so far gone. He was so close to where she desperately wanted him and her eyes nearly bulged out of her head when she felt his forehead on her stomach, his hands resting on the back of her thighs, holding her against him. Scully whimpered and her body arched into him when he placed a tender kiss on her underwear. This man is going to be the death of me.

He sat back and it gave her space to take a breath before removing her underwear. Mulder helped her back to her knees, her chest heaving as he touched her. O-Oh . His fingers slipped between her folds and she parted her legs further to let him explore. The way he touched her was soft but firm. No comment was made about the slick sounds from his fingers exploring her wetness, but her arousal seemed to only spur him on. She gripped his shoulder to keep herself balanced as she closed her eyes. Mmm keep going. Please keep going. Mulder’s fingers brushed over her clit and her knees shook as Mulder helped her to straddle him once again. As he collected her wetness onto his fingers, nuzzling into her neck, Scully couldn’t help arching into him.

“God, Scully,” Mulder moaned, his breath tickling her ear. “Is this for me?”

“Yes,” Scully gasped when his fingers teased her entrance. “All for you.”

Scully’s toes curled and her hips shifted closer in an attempt to achieve more stimulation as her hands wrapped around him, his chin resting on her shoulder with his lips brushed against her neck. Her breath was harsh when his fingers finally entered her. Yes. Mmm yes. Scully moaned when he started a gentle rhythm of fingers inside and his thumb against her clit. Her body craved more and it was if he read her mind, adding another finger and curling them to hit the soft spot against her inner walls which caused her inner muscles to grip him tightly.

“Yes.” It was a whisper against his skin as she rocked her hips, focusing on the pleasure that he sparked inside her.

It was like she felt him everywhere all at once, his scent filling her nose and she felt nothing but the warmth radiating from him. She needed to feel him, it was a sudden urge deep down that craved the skin on skin contact. Scully pulled away and he arched an eyebrow before she bit her bottom lip and pulled her shirt over her head.

She heard him suck in a breath as his eyes stared at her stomach. Scully looked down and watched his thumb brush against the gold ring in her belly button with a glint in his eyes.

“Wow, I wasn’t expecting you to have a piercing,” Mulder teased. “Knowing you have this under those suits of yours…there’s just something so incredibly hot about that, Scully.”

Scully chuckled at his captivation. “Just my piercing?”

He looked back up at her but stopped when he caught sight of her breasts, her nipples hard, dusky pink and desperate for his touch. Scully could have laughed at the look on his face, like he had momentarily forgotten she was naked and was caught off guard by seeing her breasts for the first time. She had seen Mulder aroused, but the look in his eyes now as he admired her was something else. It was just pure unadulterated hunger and she felt a shiver.

“Definitely not just the piercing. Jesus, Scully.” Mulder praised.

Mulder’s eyes never left her breasts, and her nipples - if it was possible - grew harder under his gaze. Stop looking and just put that mouth on me alre-Oh! She didn’t have time to speak, even her thoughts faltered when he leaned down and licked the valley between her breasts before wrapping his lips around her nipple.

“Oh. Mmm.” Scully breathed out.

Her head fell back and her hips rocked harder against his willing fingers, his mouth hot and wet around her. She just wanted to be completely consumed by him and that fucking talented mouth of his. It was easy to fall and get lost in how his tongue swirled around her and she jolted back to reality with a sharp pulse of arousal to her clit as he bit down on her nipple.

“F-Fuck!” Scully gasped with a high pitched whine.

Mulder paused instantly and looked up at her, her eyes snapping open with a whimper as she looked to him with pleading eyes. Why did you stop? Don’t stop! She was about to open her mouth and complain when she felt his fingers ram into her suddenly, the wind sucked out of her lungs, her muscles clamping around his fingers in appreciation. The new pace made it hard to keep eye contact with him, but the look of awe and lust he gave her seemed to make it unavoidable.

“Say it again.” Mulder commanded, his fingers thrusting into her again.

Her body jolted forward, her head lulling to the side when he returned to her chest, now focused on the nipple he ignored the first time. It took her a moment, but she smirked when her brain realised what he was talking about. Oh, so that’s it. You like to hear me curse. She was going to retort with a smart remark but her brain lost function when he bit down on her sensitive bud again.

“Fuck.” Scully whimpered, her fingers threading through Mulder’s hair. “So good.”

She felt him smirk against her and the warmth between her legs began to grow, her body completely tuned into him and the way he worked her higher towards that peak. Her thighs shook and as much as she loved him against her chest she needed his lips again. Her fingers tugged at his hair, pulling him to her again, the kiss messy and hot, just what she needed. She panted and rocked her hips harder against him as she felt his hips take full advantage of their closer position, his cock bumping against her pelvic bone on every thrust of his hips and she found it incredibly arousing that he was getting so caught up in what he was doing to her.

Scully was getting closer as his fingers sped up, his thumb unrelenting against her clit and she found herself needing to touch him. Fuck, I’m so close, and you’re going to come with me, Mulder. I want you to come with me. Her hand slipped between them and her thumb collected his precum before sliding down slickly and in time with how his fingers worked inside her. He groaned loudly as his head fell back and Scully took the opportunity to lick the exposed column of his neck, her eyes fluttering closed when the saltiness of his skin hit her tongue. Mmm you taste exquisite. Mulder gave a loud moan as his hips shot upwards, his fingers faltering for a moment when she bit the underside of his jaw.

“Hold on.” He stopped her hand and intertwined their fingers with a smirk. “I can’t think properly when you do that. And I’m trying to make you come here.”

“But I want to come with you,” Scully replied, tugging his hand to her lips and kissing it, so desperate to have him inside of her. “I need you inside me. Please.”

Mulder’s fingers paused as they kissed again before he removed his fingers, much to Scully’s reluctance, changing their positions. It ended in tangled limbs and they both laughed, Scully on her back with him settled between her legs. They continued to chuckle together as they kissed, Scully’s hands on his arms as they kept his weight off her. It was sudden, the way the air shifted and their chuckles died down, looking into each other’s eyes, Mulder brushing her hair away from her face. All previous hesitations she had before were gone and she wanted nothing more than for him to take her.

“Please, Mulder.” Scully begged. She wasn’t normally one to beg, but her body needed the release he had promised earlier, already completely on edge.

Her legs widened in invitation as he kissed her, the kiss seemingly different than the ones before. This was slow and warm and it seemed to convey all the feelings he had for her without words, her heart thumping in her chest and her fingers gripping his arms in an attempt to keep herself grounded. She had never felt such almost overwhelming affection before and it took her breath away. I need him. I need him. I need him. It was a mantra in her head as her fingers slinked down to rest on his stomach, his muscles rippling under her touch.

“I need you, Scully,” He got to his knees and stroked himself as she watched him. “I can’t wait anymore.”

Scully nodded and bit her lip. “I need you too.”

She got to her elbows and watched him as he slid his cock through her folds, gathering her arousal and using it to lubricate himself. There was something so erotic about the sight that Scully felt her clit pulse with her heartbeat and arousal drip down to the bed. Can’t he see how ready I am for him? Stop fucking teasing! She arched her hips and gave him a raised eyebrow and was about to tell him to hurry up when his strong hand held her hips down, her head falling back when he pushed against her and slipped inside.

“Yes!” Scully moaned loudly.

Mulder’s bottom lip was tight between his teeth as he continued to slide inside with little resistance with how aroused she was and every inch he moved inside her felt incredible. They watched their bodies coming together until he was flush against her and her head thumped back against the pillow. Fuck, yes! That’s what I’m talking about. He adjusted his position and she wrapped her legs around the back of his knees to hold him close against her. Their lips met in a deep kiss as she took her time to adjust to him, her inner muscles fluttering against him with a hum of approval. His hips flexed when her muscles relaxed and she gave him a squeeze with her legs to encourage him to move.

He moved and she had to break the kiss in order to take a sharp breath as she dug her nails into his skin, Mulder’s head falling forward and his hot breath panted against her skin as he struggled to maintain a slow, gentle pace. She admired the way he cared for her but she was already so desperate, she needed to feel him and feel how much he wanted her. Scully’s fingers moved down to rest on his ass, gripping his cheeks firmly, her hands moving in time with his hips.

“Don’t hold back,” Scully emphasised her words with a tight grip of his cock with her inner muscles. “Show me how much you want me.”

Mulder grunted against her before he moved his hips more eagerly as he exposed her neck and wasted no time in kissing and sucking the soft skin behind her ear. Cheeky. She was sure it would leave a mark but she was too far gone to care. All she needed was for him to keep going, his mouth was right on her ear and the way his hot breath tickled her made her back arch.

“I want you so much,” Mulder’s hips continued to thrust, the slapping of their skin and panting breaths, the only sounds in the room. “I’ll always want you.”

Her vision became slightly blurred as she captured his lips and urged him on faster, his heartfelt sentiment sparking something inside her that made her want to give all she had to him. They were never good with words but their bodies seemed to speak for them as years of sexual attraction and emotional connection finally came to a peak. Her body was warm and so surrounded by him, making her feel protected and vulnerable at the same time. Her toes flexed when he changed the angle and he brushed against her g-spot, causing the sparks of her orgasm to build.

“Keep going. Please, don’t stop.” Scully hummed.

Mulder rested his forehead against hers and his hips pumped harder, Scully’s back arching into him. Sliding one hand between them to her clit, Mulder looked down and moaned his approval before he kissed her again, whispering against her lips. “And don’t you stop doing that.”

Scully wasn’t planning on it, especially not with how quickly she could feel her orgasm building, and not with how he managed to brush her hair off the sweaty skin of her cheeks so tenderly while he fucked her into oblivion. Her legs fell from around him and parted wider, causing him to get a deeper angle which was about all her body could take. Her eyes closed and she dug tight into his ass, her inner muscles clenching tight in preparation for the orgasm that had started to blossom in her toes, ready to shoot through her whole body at a second's notice.

“Look at me, Scully.” Mulder begged.

Scully’s eyes opened, desperation on her face as her fingers rolled against her swollen clit, her legs raising off the bed to achieve the right angle. She was so close she could almost taste it.

“I can’t hold on anymore!” Scully all but sobbed in pleasure, her nails deep into his ass with a force that caused him to hiss and rock against her, frantically desperate to push her over that edge.

“Come for me. Let me feel you.” Mulder coaxed, lips right next to her ear.

“I’m coming!” The whine from Scully’s throat was primal and raw. There, fuck, right there, oh god! Her eyes slammed shut and her legs shook when she felt her orgasm rip through her body, lights exploding behind her eyes.

Scully panted as her orgasm crashed over her, her entrance contracting around him in rapid succession, the white heat of her orgasm washing over her in blissful waves. Mulder groaned and slowed his hips down in an attempt to draw out her pleasure in replacement of his own obvious desperation to achieve release.

“Jesus, Scully!” Mulder grunted.

Scully’s body continued to shake beneath him as she rode out her orgasm, her whole body alive and sparking just for him. When the pleasure began to ease, her body relaxed and her legs fell open onto the bed, her chest heaving in an attempt to get her breath back as she opened her eyes to watch Mulder brush her hair away, a smile on his face.

“You are so beautiful.” Mulder confessed and it made Scully break out in a warm smile, her face relaxed in pure bliss. His words only made her body feel warmer, her heart swelling in her chest.

She got lost in his eyes as he kissed her, the kiss soft before desire kicked in and he groaned against her lips, rolling onto his side, and although Scully was momentarily confused, she smiled and allowed him to pull her with him as she rested her leg high on his waist. One of his hands held her thigh against him and the other slipped between her and the bed to pull her closer to him as he started to thrust again. This new angle was different and allowed deeper penetration which caused her head to fall forward into the crook of his neck as his hips worked harder against her, his fingers digging deeper into the supple flesh of her thigh.

She felt so enveloped by how his scent and sweat covered her skin, his large frame cradling her close in an entanglement of limbs. It was an intoxicating feeling and she could already feel herself becoming addicted to it. Burying her nose into his shoulder she nibbled on his exposed skin, tasting the saltiness of him on her tongue and she could sense he was close with how his hips lost their rhythm and became erratic. Scully suspected he was trying desperately to hold on and she had to admit that she didn’t want it to end either, but she wanted him to feel the pleasure he had given her moments before. She wanted to see him completely and utterly vulnerable for her.

“It’s okay, let go,” Scully whispered as she kissed his lips, pulling back only enough to speak again. “Come for me, Mulder.”

He nodded with a whine and it quickly became her new favourite sound. Mulder gripped her thigh tighter and she knew there would be marks there in the morning but it felt too good to care. Mulder’s hips faltered for a moment when he rolled them back into their original position, Scully’s leg’s spread wide and open for him as he lifted his head, picking up his pace with closed eyes and parted lips, panting as his hips started to shake. Wow, you look absolutely gorgeous like this, Mulder. So beautiful.

Mulder’s hand quickly let go of her thigh and she let it fall to the bed as he pushed himself up and pulled out of her. Scully grunted in disapproval with the emptiness left, clenching around nothing and missing his fullness until her brain clicked onto what he was doing a few moments later. If she hadn’t already been completely soaked she would have been now. Mulder held himself up on his knees and elbows with his cock resting close to her, his fist frantically pumping, Scully biting her lip as she reached down, resting one hand on his pubis, so close that his fingers brushed against her wrist with every stroke.

His eyes were closed and she took the time to look down and watch his swollen cock slide effortlessly in his fist with the mixture of their arousal. How she so desperately wanted to touch him and feel him release into her hand, but she didn’t want to ruin his pleasure so she just dug her nails slightly into his skin in compromise and that seemed to be enough of a stimulation as his hips bucked and his eyes snapped open. Scully’s stomach muscles rippled as the tip of his cock brushed against her skin and poked into her belly button on occasion, the slight tug at her piercing sending fresh jolts of arousal straight to her core.

“S-Scully…” Mulder stuttered as he looked down between their bodies. “So close.”

“Yes.“ Scully purred in return, her eyes fixated on him as he brought himself over the edge.

Groaning loudly, Mulder let his orgasm wash over him as he held his cock against her, spurting thick ropes of cum that coated her stomach. Scully arched up as the hot liquid hit her skin, her eyes focused on him in the throes of his orgasm. His hand continued to stroke himself as he whined, the head of his cock bumping into her belly button as he gently thrust against her, cum still dripping out of him. Oh wow . It was one of the hottest things Scully had seen and she bit her lip, her fingers digging into his skin as he slid against her stomach, coating her even more with his desire. He moaned as Scully gripped his hair and pulled him down to kiss him again.

He was almost breathless and after the kiss she let him fall down onto her, the mess between them forgotten as she wrapped her arms and legs around him in a warm embrace. She wasn’t normally one to enjoy the heavy weight of a man on top of her, but with Mulder it just felt so comforting. A hum of approval rumbled in her throat as he nuzzled into her and she closed her eyes, just taking in his warmth and enjoying the post-coital bliss. It wasn’t until Scully became aware of the stickiness between them that she started to pull away and he got back onto his knees, a blush on his cheeks.

“I’m sorry about that, Scully,” Mulder smirked as he ran his hands up her thighs and to her bent knees. “You took away my brain function there for a second.”

Scully smiled and shook her head. “Don’t apologise, I liked feeling you on top of me. It felt...” She paused as if trying to find the right word as she got to her elbows. “Comforting.”

They looked at each other before she looked down at her glistening stomach. It made her clit throb knowing that she was covered in him and nothing but him. Mulder followed her eye line as Scully reached down to collect the liquid in her belly button before his eyes grew wide.

“Oh, shit! Your piercing!” Mulder spluttered with panic in his eyes. “I didn’t mean…Is it going to get infected? I didn’t think! I’m so sorry.”

Scully let him rush out his panic before she giggled, her head falling back as she struggled for breath. Opening her eyes, Scully immediately felt guilty when his face still showed nothing but worry. She smiled before she carefully sat up and brushed his jaw with her thumb.

“No, no, please don’t worry. It’s okay, honestly,” Scully traced his frowned eyebrow. “It won’t get infected. It’s been healed for years, it’s okay.” Scully watched him nod and sigh with relief.

“Was that okay?” He asked.

She guessed he wasn’t just talking about the way his desire was cooling on her stomach but about what they had just done. It was definitely a huge step in their relationship and one she didn’t think would have happened like this - well, if she was honest she hadn’t really been sure if it would have happened at all, even though there had always been a part of her that wanted him. Scully got up onto her knees and wrapped her arms around his neck, sucking his cum off her finger, Mulder licking his lips in approval.

“It was more than okay,” Scully confided as she looked into his eyes and tried to swallow down the lump of emotion that dwelled into her throat at the look of love in his eyes. Oh god, please don’t look at me like that, my heart can’t take it. But she smiled and bit her lip. “A lot more than okay.”

Mulder nodded in relief before he kissed her again, Scully moaning into his lips as she pulled away. “Come on, we should go get cleaned up. I don’t want to ruin the sheets.”

Mulder smirked as Scully struggled to move on wobbly legs. “You okay there, Scully?”

Scully playfully smacked his arm, taking the hand he offered to help her off the bed. “Shut up, Mulder.” Her tone was light as she intertwined their fingers and pulled him towards the bathroom, Mulder following behind her and never letting go of her hand.

---♡---

The shower was just what Scully needed. They washed together, Mulder made sure she washed her belly button thoroughly, and she smiled when he washed her hair before they melded together under the spray of the water. It was soft and gentle, even when Mulder took her again against the cool tiles of the shower. Their orgasms came quickly and even though they weren’t as strong as the ones before, they were just as pleasurable. Once they finished, he lowered her to the floor and they washed again, Scully cleaning their mixed arousal off her inner thighs. They dried together, smiling, before they made their way back into the room. Mulder got under the covers of the bed and watched as Scully gathered their clothes and put them onto the coffee table next to their forgotten paperwork, which they could finish over the weekend. Scully looked over at him as he lay there with the empty side of the bed’s covers pushed back in invitation.

There was a part of her deep inside that went on high alert and told her she needed to run, to get out of this situation and that the feelings of love and adoration she felt for him were too much, as they started bubbling up in her chest. They were too intense to process with her brain pumping endorphins around her body and she knew she couldn’t trust her judgement right now. She wasn’t in the right frame of mind to make a decision when her body called for her to go to him and leave the consequences to be dealt with tomorrow. Oh, how easily she could succumb to them. It was frightening, really. She stood there for a moment in the middle of the room, her towel loosely wrapped around her body, her heart pounding in her chest. Scully felt her eyes drawn to him, his gaze soft as he sat up against the headboard.

“You don’t have to stay, Scully.” Oh, how well you can read me, you always have been so good at it. Damn you. His voice was soft and she felt a sting to her heart when she heard a trace of sadness there. “I understand if you want to go. It’s okay.”

What are you doing? Stop with this shit! This is Mulder. This is the Mulder who you just slept with. This is the Mulder who looks at you like he truly loves you. Just go to him! Her heart screamed at her, but her head told her she needed time to process and she shouldn’t jump into something just because her body wanted it. She couldn’t fuck this up. Not with Mulder, he meant far too much to her. Scully swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded before collecting her clothes and leaving the room, not looking back to him because she knew it would be too hard to leave if she did. Scully rested her back against the door after it shut and looked into her room; it was so dark and empty, the light of his room peaked from under the door and she already missed the warmth.

Walking over to sit down on the bed, Scully let her arms hug around her body in an attempt at self comfort. She so desperately wanted to allow herself the happiness of being wrapped in him, but she didn’t want to possibly ruin what they had; because what they had was just too fucking important to her. It was probably the most important thing to her. Sex could just be sex. But feelings would make things harder, they always did.

Scully ran her hands over her face and brushed her wet hair back as she let her towel pool in her lap. But you want to go back there, stop denying yourself that. Things felt right, didn’t they? It had actually been amazing how naturally they had come together, as though they’d been doing it for years, and she supposed that parts of them had. He hadn’t given her any reason to doubt how much he cared for her and she felt herself wondering if maybe she should ignore her head for once. In all the years what has it gotten me? An empty bed and an even emptier heart . Biting her bottom lip, Scully gave a little strangled whimper when she tasted him still on her lips.

There was a deep ache that had settled between her legs and a bruised feeling on her thigh and all she felt was him, the thought only causing her heart to ache too. She wanted him and she wanted to let herself have that happiness she craved. Hell, even if it only lasts a little, it will be better than not having it all, right? They could work things out later, she just wanted to let herself have tonight. If that was all God was going to give her, she would make it count.

She pulled her towel back around her body and got to her feet, making her way towards the door, her hand lingering on the door knob before she decided to knock. It only took one tap of her knuckles against the wood before she heard him on the other side. “You don’t have to knock, Scully.”

Opening the door, she saw Mulder sitting up in bed, the covers still open in invitation for her. He gave her a questioning look, and just him so close to her again made her heart beat faster. This is where she wanted, no, needed to be. In the warmth and the light, not in the cold darkness alone. Not anymore . Scully gave him a reassuring smile and she could have sworn she had never seen him smile so big before. He lay back, his eyes raking over her body, and when she dropped the towel to reveal her bare skin to him once again, he moaned in approval. His eyes lingered on her breasts before they moved over her piercing, the patch of auburn curls between her legs, then travelled up to her eyes.

“You’re killing me over here, Scully,” Mulder chuckled and Scully smirked, walking towards him with a confident sway to her hips. “You need to give a guy some warning before you do that. So I can at least prepare myself.”

Scully giggled as she reached the bed, only hesitating for a split second before she slipped under the covers and looked up at the ceiling. Feeling him shift, she rolled onto her side with her back to him, unsure of how much he was willing to give her after she had pulled away once again. It didn’t take more than a few seconds before she felt his arms linger around her, hesitant to touch. Scully turned and looked into his eyes, his warmth so inviting as she shuffled towards him before raising her finger in warning, his eyebrow cocked in amusement at her playful attitude.

“If you steal my half of the blankets, I’ll kill you.” Her lips curved in amusement as he nodded and mock-pouted.

Moving as close to him as she could, she wrapped her arms around him. Mulder finally rested his arms around to hold her in a close embrace. Scully hadn’t even been aware that she’d been holding her breath, but it came out in a content sigh when he cradled her head to him and kissed the crown of her head deeply. This feels so right. He’s so soft. Legs slipped between his and there was something so intimate about how their hips connected, his cock soft and rested against her centre, curls rubbing against curls. Closing her eyes, she couldn’t help how her lips curled up when the wiry hair of his chest tickled her breasts, her body relaxing into the gentle way his fingers moved up and down her back.

“I hope your muscles are nice and relaxed now.” Scully smirked as her arms tightened around him and she kissed the skin of his shoulder.

“Very relaxed. Never felt more relaxed than right now,” Mulder paused and pulled her tighter to him, his voice a whisper. “And I’m not talking about the massage. Just being with you is so...” He paused again. “Comforting.”

As he relayed her earlier sentiment, Scully’s heart leapt. I’ve never felt so warm.

#XFSmut2021 #msr #msr fanfic #mulder and scully #mulder x scully #mulder/scully #fox mulder #dana scully #fanfic #fanfiction #danaxfoxfic

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followthebluebell · 4 years

Text

FIP: Feline Infectious Peritonitis

Sprinkles contemplates some birds. We’re re-doing the catios right now, so they’re all closed off. I think she’s looking forward to being outdoors again.

I’m putting a cut here because this is a LENGTHY READ and, in case of further developments, I’d like to be able to easily update this article.

In October 2019, she was diagnosed with ocular FIP (Feline infectious peritonitis), which is a mutation of feline coronavirus (FCoV, which is very distinct from SARS-CoV-2, the virus that causes COVID-19). FCoV is ubiquitous in the cat population: almost every cat has it or is exposed to various strains of it. Most cats get over it just fine with only mild diarrhea. In a small percentage of cats (we’re uncertain on the percentage, which I’ll get into later, but it’s theoretically somewhere between 5-10%), it goes fuckwhack apeshit and mutates into FIP.

We don’t know why it spontaneously mutates. There seems to be a genetic component to it. It’s believed to be more common in purebred cats, but we’re really not sure--- since FIP is a diagnosis by exclusion, there often is a hefty vet bill attached to the diagnosis and a person who can afford to buy a purebred cat from a cattery is more likely to be able to afford that bill. It MAY be triggered by stress. It’s much more common in younger cats, often appearing in kittens ranging from 4 months to 4 years. This doesn’t mean older cats are safe; I know of at least one case in a 12 year old cat.

Sprinkles was diagnosed at 3 and a half months. She didn’t have a particularly stressful event before developing symptoms. She’s not a purebred. I don’t know anything about her genetic history, so I can’t cross that off the list.

Mickey, my second FIP kitten, was diagnosed at 4 months. I know slightly more about his health records but it’s still scant. He arrived with an unusual skin ailment: sarcoptic mange. Hypothetically, this could indicate an already delicate immune system that left him vulnerable to this sort of FCoV mutation.

FIP is deadly and remains, to this day, the most horrifying disease I’ve ever personally encountered. Thankfully, FIP itself is NOT contagious. FCoV is highly contagious but, as previously mentioned, it’s fairly common in the cat population. There was a study done to see if separating kittens from their mother at 7 weeks (approximately the period when a mother’s antibodies begin to wear off and the kittens have to begin producing their own) would prevent cats from catching FCoV from her. This was effective but the social drawbacks are too heavy a cost for it to be considered regularly.

There is a vaccine for FCoV but it’s largely ineffective and most vets don’t recommend it.

FIP comes in two primary forms: wet (effusive) and dry (non-effusive). Usually, FCoV exists only in the gastrointestinal system. It’s really the only place it can replicate itself with ease. Once the virus mutates, it can’t replicate itself as well, but it CAN infect macrophages. Macrophages are highly mobile white blood cells. They go pretty much everywhere, and ones infected with FIPV (Feline Infectious Peritonitis Virus) will carry the virus along for the ride.

The early symptoms are vague. These cats are lethargic, listless, have low or no appetite, weight loss, and a fluctuating fever. The first symptom I caught in Sprinkles was complete avoidance: she was actively avoiding other kittens and other kittens were avoiding her. Mickey’s only symptoms were lethargy and diarrhea. I only got suspicious about possible FIP because the other kittens in his playgroup didn’t have any diarrhea at all.

And this is where we see a split in the forms of FIP.

Effusive FIP is characterized by the accumulation of fluid within the abdomen and is more common. It happens very quickly. Cats with effusive FIP develop breathing problems rapidly. The fluid drawn from the abdomen is usually straw-yellow. Effusive FIP is said to be more common, although only one of the 5 cases I’ve seen in the last few years was wet FIP.

Thankfully, effusive FIP has a few distinct traits that makes it easier to diagnose. It’s important to remember that FIP itself is generally a diagnosis by exclusion.

Measuring the protein in the effusion is a good first step. If it’s less than 35g/l, FIP is generally ruled out.

The albumin to globulin ratio is considered next, via a blood test. If it’s less than 0.4, FIP should be considered.

Finally, examining the cells in the effusion is valuable. If they’re primarily lymphocytes, FIP is excluded.

Non-effusive FIP is more difficult to spot, because the symptoms are so varied. Granulomas (inflammatory cells) form in various organs, which produces an extreme variety of symptoms. The most commonly affected symptoms are the ocular and neurological symptoms.

Ocular FIP happens when the virus crosses the blood-ocular barrier and is characterized by slightly opaque white films on one or both eyes; these don’t cover the entire eye. They’re often just a small section. This was the first distinct symptom I saw in Sprinkles. It’s considered a distinct enough sign that her ophthalmologist was able to tell me that she was 99% certain it was FIP.

Neurological FIP is my own personal hell. The virus crossed the blood-brain barrier and infects the brain. The first symptom is usually a limp or a slight tremble in the head. The paralysis often begins in the hind limbs and it travels upwards. The cat eventually loses all mobility. If the cat is lucky, they’ll begin to have seizures instead and die soon afterwards. Like I said, it remains the single-most awful thing I’ve ever seen.

Non-effusive FIP is harder to diagnose than effusive FIP, especially if the cat fails to develop ocular or neurological symptoms. In these cases, the only symptoms the cat has are fevers, diarrhea, and other non-specific issues.

Once again, the best bet is to consider the albumin to globulin ratio. The same rule of ‘if it’s under 0.4, FIP should be considered’ holds true.

Unfortunately, checking for antibodies is fairly useless. A positive FCoV test just means the cat has been exposed to FCoV.

FIP is deadly. While there are some isolated cases of cats seemingly recovering from it, I think it’s more likely that those were simply misdiagnosed cases. As I’ve said before, FIP is a diagnosis by exclusion, so a misdiagnosis can happen fairly easily. A cat with wet FIP is gone in days. A cat who’s unlucky enough to develop neurological FIP may linger for weeks until they die of starvation, oxygen deprivation as the lungs themselves are paralyzed, or dehydration. Ocular FIP generally spreads into the brain, causing seizures.

Sprinkles is very, VERY lucky. I had been following the study very closely and I had an acquaintance who recently started treating her foster cat for FIP. I was able to get into contact with some folks and obtain experimental treatment for my kittens.

GS-441525

In February 2019, there was a very promising study on a specific drug called GS-441524. Most of the cats involved with the study made a full recovery. The company (Gilead-Sciences) behind the drug wasn’t interested in getting it FDA approved for cats out of concern that it would affect its approval for human use. See, if it’s used officially for cats, Gilead-Sciences would be obligated to report any negative side-effects and that could impact getting it approved for human use down the line. “One of the rules in drug development is ‘never perform a test you don’t have to, if the results could be problematic,” isn’t an uncommon saying. It’s one of the reasons why I fell out of research and development myself.

I had some pull and was able to get experimental access to this drug for Sprinkles and, later, Mickey.

Both kittens went through three months of daily injections and a further 3 months of observations before they were deemed FIP-free. After seeing 3 other cats die from it, it’s been a blessing to see them recover. They’re both especially lucky that they finished their treatment cycle JUST before COVID-19 hit American shores since I couldn’t, in good conscience, continue using a very promising antiviral in cats when it would likely be needed by humans.

It’s definitely not a perfect system. Three months of daily injections (or pills) is not ideal for the average owner for several reasons. In addition to the difficulty of injecting a cat with an EXTREMELY painful drug daily, it also requires a lot of math; the dosage has to be adjusted daily to take weight gain into consideration. Even the concentration has to be adjusted at times. I haven’t used the pills at all, but I know a lot of people have had problems with cats biting through the pills. In addition, the pills seem less effective against neurological or ocular FIP.

Gilead-Sciences has refined GS-441524 into GS-5734 (named Remdesivir), which is supposed to be more efficient. Hypothetically, the addition of the phosphate groups should make it easier for it to get across barriers and be absorbed more easily. Hopefully this will result in a shorter treatment time, although I suspect it will be more expensive than GS-441524. This is already a substantial cost attached to GS-441524, with the treatment of a single cat or kitten over 1,000 USD.

As of writing (April 20, 2020), neither Remdesivir nor GS-441524 are available to the average public legally. Remdesivir has been approved for use in humans with COVID-19 in emergency cases.

#work #cat #FIP #long post

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whenisitenoughtrees · 4 years

Note

Prompt 59: “You’re so drunk.” Janus saying it to his boyfriends Patton and Remus? Both who ended up drinking a little more than planned lol

thank you for this prompt!! this is probably one of the fluffiest things i’ve written in my whole life

prompt list here (prompts currently open!)

Title: and days of auld lang syne

Word Count: 1,778

Content Warnings: alcohol consumption, vague sexual innuendo

(fic masterpost)

In his defense, he doesn’t mean to lose his boyfriends. But Remy’s house is very large, and there are a lot of people here, a lot of chatter, a lot of food, a lot of champagne flowing, and that makes it incredibly easy to get sidetracked. He spends about an hour discussing obscure philosophers with Logan, and then Dot and Larry draw him into conversation for almost as long, and by the time he realizes that he has no idea where Patton and Remus have gotten off to, it’s nearly midnight.

And that simply will not do. He’s not bringing in the new year without his boyfriends by his side. It’s tradition, after all, and he’ll admit, he’s just a bit concerned about the fact that he hasn’t seen them since just after they arrived. Usually, he is confident in Patton’s ability to curb Remus’ most foolish impulses, but in a crowd like this, with this kind of festive atmosphere? There is no telling what kind of mischief Remus might think up, and even Patton’s most disappointed stare might not be enough to stop him.

So, he goes looking, which turns out to be a more monumental task than he thought. Because really, why does Remy own such a huge house? How does he have so many friends? It’s truly ridiculous, and Janus is getting tired of navigating through all these people, half of whom are strangers and all of whom are decidedly not who he is looking for. He is excellent at putting on a show of politeness even on his worst days, but he can feel his smile wearing thin around the edges, can feel his eye begin to twitch.

But finally, he bumps into Virgil, who rolls his eyes and directs him to the second floor balcony, the one overlooking the back gardens. He makes his way there with no small measure of relief, and finds that the second floor is, at least, less crowded, which does wonders for his mood. He pushes the balcony doors open, and feels the tension drain from him as he lays eyes on his boyfriends, sitting on the floor and leaning in toward each other, whispering conspiratorially.

He clears his throat.

“Is this an exclusive meeting,” he asks, “or might I join you?”

Both Patton and Remus swivel their heads toward him, the motion almost in perfect unison. And that is when he first gains the inkling that something is off here; there are no lights on the balcony except for the stars, but the illumination from inside spills from the still-open doorway and across their faces, highlighting the flushes on their cheeks, the dilation of their pupils. And as they both stand, their legs seem unsteady, wobbly, as if the floor is rocking beneath their feet. Or at least, as if they think it is.

Patton reaches him first, a wide grin splitting his lips. He stumbles, and Janus reaches out to steady him, grasping his arms, and Patton beams at him as if he hung the moon.

“Hi!” he exclaims, far too loudly for the lack of distance between them. “I’m so happy to see you! Remus, look, it’s Janus!”

Remus has reached him by now, too, and he slings an arm around both Janus’ shoulder and Patton’s, leaning in close. He is steadier on his feet than Patton is, but only just, and Janus can smell the alcohol on his breath.

“Give him the thing!” he insists, somewhat ominously, and just as loud as Patton. Janus winces as his eardrums protest the noise’s proximity, but his attention is distracted by Patton, who giggles and nods, taking his arms back from Janus and reaching into his shirt, pulling out— something. Janus can’t tell what it is; it’s too dark, and Patton moves too quickly, shoving whatever-it-is roughly onto his head. He frowns, raising a hand to touch it, trying to figure out what his new adornment is, but Patton pouts at him, yanking his arm back down.

“Don’t take it off!” he pleads. “We match now!”

Remus nods in eager agreement, and Janus squints at both of them, trying to figure out what they’re talking about. It only takes a moment, now that he’s looking for it; they both have circlets of vine resting atop their heads, clumsily tied together but seeming to hold up just fine. They appear to be made of more leaves than anything else, but they are speckled with delicate white flowers. He has to admit that it’s a lovely effect, overall, and he can’t bring himself to complain about being made to wear one.

“So we do,” he says. “Dare I ask where you got these from?”

Remus grins at him and points at the far corner of the balcony, where a mess of vines curls over the railing. There are clear signs of tampering, of some vines being torn off and flowers being plucked, and Janus hopes that Remy is not particularly attached to this plant. Also in that corner, he notes, are a great many discarded champagne glasses.

“Found ‘em!” Remus proclaims proudly, and Patton giggles.

“He was trying to jump off the balcony, and, and into the pool,” Patton says, using a tone that is clearly meant to be a confidential whisper, but doesn’t quite make it there. “I told him no, ‘cause then he’d be all wet—”

“—and I told him that I’d just take off my clothes—”

“—and then I told him that we had to wait until we get home until we do that, and then I saw the flowers and I thought we could make you something instead!” Patton smiles again, wide and bright, like a puppy eagerly seeking approval. He grabs Janus’ sleeve, tugging on it slightly. “Do you like it? It’s pretty, just like you!”

Janus can feel his face heating up, and hopes that the darkness conceals his blush. “Of course I like it,” he says, and Patton rocks back and forth on his heels, delighted, while Remus thrusts both fists into the air and lets out a loud whoop, a noise that gets lost in the veritable din coming from inside, and from the people that have begin to spill outdoors in anticipation of New Year’s fireworks. And seeing them both like this, so happy and content, he can’t help but smile back at them, shaking his head. “You’re so drunk,” he says, and he’s glad that no one else is around to hear how his voice turns disgustingly fond.

Remus nods rapidly, eyes wild, but Patton frowns at him. “Nooooooo,” he moans, and pitches forward, throwing all of his weight against Janus’ chest. He barely manages to keep them both upright. “’M not drunk, ‘m jus’ having a whole lotta feelings.”

Remus cackles, launching himself forward and into the two of them, and this time, Janus can do nothing to prevent them all from tumbling to the ground in a tangled heap. He grunts as both Patton and Remus land firmly on top of him, but he can’t be angry, not now, not tonight, not with the two of them here with him, no matter how inebriated they might be. Patton starts to giggle again, burying his face into Janus’ shirt.

“Whole lotta feelings ‘bout my butt!” Remus proclaims, plastering himself against Janus’ side and hooking one leg over both of his.

“Maybe later,” Patton informs him, his voice muffled, and Janus breaks at that, dissolving into laughter.

He can’t move. Can barely breathe, with the weight of both of his boyfriends pressing against his chest. But the stars are shining bright above them, glittering and twinkling just past the roof, and in the distance, the night sky blooms into reds and greens and golds as the fireworks begin, and there is absolutely no place that he would rather be.

“I love you both so much,” he says, and Remus sighs contentedly, snuggling in closer. Patton shifts, resting his head just above Janus’ heart.

“We love you too,” he says, voice slurred. “More than, more than anything. More than puppies. More than cookies, and, and—”

“And worms,” Remus supplies, “an’ more than brains, an’ zombies, an’ blood an’ guts. More than butts, even.”

Patton hums. “More than butts,” he agrees, and then after a brief pause, “But you do have a nice butt.”

And they both fall back into giggling at that, and Janus joins them, their joy utterly endearing, utterly infectious. He loves them. He loves them so, so much, and to this day, he has no idea how he can be so lucky as to have them, what he did to deserve Patton’s cheer and aching kindness, Remus’ eccentricity and unstoppable enthusiasm. They are all so different from one another that some days, he is still surprised that they fit together as well as they do, but he has never once stopped being grateful for it, grateful for them.

From both inside the house and below the balcony, there comes the unmistakable sounds of counting.

Ten. Nine. Eight.

He wraps his arms around them as best he can from this position. Patton takes up the count under his breath.

Seven. Six. Five. Four.

Remus wriggles in even closer, grasping at both of them, practically vibrating in his excitement.

Three. Two.

One.

The cheer rises up all around them, and Janus has no time to react before Patton is smacking a wet, sloppy kiss against the corner of his mouth, followed shortly by Remus doing the same, but only managing to capture his upper lip. And he watches in amusement as they attempt to kiss each other, too, their noses bumping clumsily against each other as they try to find purchase.

He laughs. “Come here, you two,” he says, and smiles at both of them as they turn to look at him. Patton ducks down first, and Janus kisses his lips, gently, softly, and Patton sighs in contentment. And then it is Remus’ face hovering above his, waiting his turn with a patience uncharacteristic of him, and Janus kisses him just as sweetly. And they both settle against his sides as the fireworks pop and roar and bloom, brightening the night into day and ushering in the new year. There is sound and there is music, and there is joy and there is laughter, the party still in full swing, but he feels no need to join it, because he has his joy and his laughter right here.

The new year is a time of resolutions, and in this moment, he makes his: to keep this, to keep them, now and forever and always.

General Taglist: @just-perhaps @the-real-comically-insane @jerrysicle-tree @glitchybina @psodtqueer @mrbubbajones @snek-boii @severelylackinginquality @aceawkwardunicorn @gayerplease @elizabutgayer @dwbh888

#deintruality #intrualiceit #janus sanders #ts janus #patton sanders #ts patton #remus sanders #ts remus #my fic #cat does prompts #*chants* first prompt! first prompt! first prompt!#this was a joy and a pleasure to write

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chayacat · 3 years

Text

Devil’s Sweet Star (35)

Fandom: Dead by Daylight

Ghostface x Female Reader

Rated M for Violence, Language and Smut

***

5 days. The Roseville festival takes place in 5 days. Time flies too quickly. Far too fast. And the pressure on your shoulders is only growing. What if it doesn't work? What if the cake was ever missed at the last moment? Or that it falls on the way? Or that people don't like it? That would be a deep shame, and a deep disillusionment. But we must not be discouraged. We must remain positive and if it fails, so be it. It takes a first time to everything. And then we always learn from our failures, right? Failing is not a fatality, we must not give up at the first failure we suffer. Otherwise, we never move forward. On the contrary, every failure we suffer, every mistake we make, must push us to be better if the opportunity arises again.

For now, you have something else to do. Since the nebula’s attack, you had to have the damage repaired. Fortunately, by chance, your insurance covered the costs. But it will not be able to do so ad vita eternam. We will therefore have to increase security. Inspector Wilhelm offered you to post a policeman to monitor the establishment from the opening to the closing of the café. He will not be inside but on the sidewalk opposite, under observation. That way if there is ever a problem, he can intervene quickly.

As for the apartment, it has progressed well. Mr Lawson has dealt with the problems of leaks; he now has to deal with the floor. On your side with Jed, you have repainted all the pieces according to your tastes. Even if there have been debates about certain rooms such as the chamber. But in the end, you always found an agreement. And mixing your two colours gives... impressive and original results in itself. Once the floor will be done. You can finally live together. You look forward to it.

Today you were closed. But you're still working on the festival cake. Corey having returned to work after his few days off, Amy too, you had decided to close exceptionally to work on the cake as the festival approached. Even so, your young employee was still feeling some pain.

“Are you sure it'll be okay, Corey? You know if you're in too much pain, you can go home it doesn't matter, Amy and I can manage together.” you said worried to see Corey's slightly grimacing face.

“Don't worry about me! It's okay! the doctor told me that the pain would persist for a few days. I just have to take my painkillers when I'm really in too much pain. But for now, it's okay.” responds Corey with a smile.

“Don't make the hero either. If it ever gets worse you may have more than pain. So don't force too much.” replied Amy.

“Oh, come on Amy! I'm not a kid now! I'm not in sugar either! If it really doesn't go well, I'll go home, it's promised.”

“Yeah yeah...if you say so. I’ll keep an eye on you anyway.”

You smile as you look at them. They are so adorable, even when they argue. it shows how much they care about each other. Kind of like you and Jed in a sense. Surprisingly... you haven't heard from Ghostface. since... since you made your deal. He must be busy preparing everything. But he still finds a way to talk to you. By piece of paper that he deposits either at your apartment or at your café when it is closed. Sometimes the "letters" are accompanied by small gifts. Either a flower, once with a necklace, earrings ... You were wondering how he was able to buy them. If he bought them of course.

You're not really looking forward to honoring your part of the market. Because who knows how it might turn out? But you were able to turn this out to your advantage as well. He will tell you everything. He will show you his true face, tell you his name. And finally, you can put a face on the man who since your arrival, knows you much more than you know him. Finally, you can claim to be on an equal footing. Even if it's not really the case.

But deep down... do you really want it? Do you really want to destroy all the mystery around him? After all... it brought him a certain charm... even if he is a murderer, the mystery that surrounds him about his identity makes him more attractive, more... Take that out of your mind, pickle brains! You have a boyfriend! And given the night you spent the other night... Ghostface is just the appetizer. Under his shy mood, Jed is much wilder than you dared to imagine.

“Ok! let's see what this cake gives! if it is good then we can do it bigger for the festival!” you said with a smile.

“Yeah but... It's a cake for 12 people. and we are only 3. We will not be able to eat everything... and it would have been a shame to waste it.” responds Amy with a worried face.

“What are we going to do with the remaining shares?” ask Corey.

“Hum... I think I have a little idea. I know who would be delighted to have them.” You replied before you take out your phone to call Jed.

“Hello? Honey? Is there a problem?” asks Jed on the other line.

“Oh Jed... If you knew how much! It is a tragedy! I have here a test cake for the festival but unfortunately it is 12 parts! and there are only 3 of us! Unfortunately, I'm going to have to throw it away...” you answer in a dramatic theatrical way.

“... Are you trying to make me fat? I know I can eat at will without gaining weight but still... if you did it... I can't say no. I came with Mattew and Melina. And we'll take a share of it for the boss. Keep it for us tonight.”

“Thank you, my love! See you soon! I love you!” you replied with a smile, while Amy and Corey were laughing.

“See you soon Honey. I love you too.” he responds before hanging up.

You put away your phone with a satisfied smile. Definitely, talking about cake is a good way to get Jed to come. Despite his body certainly skinny but finely trimmed, Jed seems to be a big gourmand. And to say that he can eat as much as he wants, he will not take a gram... while you, you have to be careful. You are not fat on the contrary! You are as well-proportioned as your size! Amy and Corey were laughing, looking at you at the same time.

“What?” you ask, raising an eyebrow.

“You're both too cute! it's adorable a couple like yours!” responds Amy.

“I could say the same about both of you. You are both equally adorable, I did well to take you both.”

Your two employees looked at each other, before looking away by blushing, which made you laugh. Jed arrived around noon with Melina and Mattew to taste the cake. These two do not lose an opportunity to eat. You prepare a share for the boss of the newspaper. And serve a share for everyone, and then one for yourself. You each taste your turn a slice of the cake, and all the faces lit up with a beautiful smile.

“It's too good! I love this mix! Mango, Pineapple and Passion Fruit, it's too good!” said Mattew.

“I'm not a particular fan of the passion fruit... but I admit that the mixture is well find! I like it very much!” continue Melina.

“Me too! (Y/N) we must absolutely make this cake for the festival! I'm sure the whole city will enjoy it!” said Amy cheerfully.

“Yes, why not... what do you think? Do you think it could work? You ask, looking at Jed.

“It is very good... But at the level of presentation and decoration ... you should make it more colorful. to do it only in white, it's too much marriage cake. I'd be you I'll add a mango coulis, or a chocolate coulis, something that makes the cake more colorful. And given that it is in honor of the city... you could make mini monuments out of sugar dough? With the town hall at the very top. After that is only my opinion.” responds Jed, putting his glasses back on his nose.

“You’re right. Thanks Honey! You’re the best!”

“By the way, what about the guy who broke the windows of the café? Any news?” asks Corey.

“Wilhelm cooked him for hours, the guy refused to say who he worked for. But hey anyway he's going to be judged and he's going to pay for the damage he's caused, as well as for assault and battery on you. He will take a few months in prison as a bonus.” said Melina.

You all chat for a few more minutes before everyone leaves, Jed taking the slice of cake for his boss. In addition, he informed you to keep the remaining shares for both of you for later, but also that he will return very late tonight. The work... always work. During the day, Mr. Lawson phoned you to warn you that the new floor was installed and that the apartment was officially habitable. Tomorrow you can start living there and moving your belongings. Jed too. Fortunately, you had started to make boxes. On the other hand, you will have to ask your neighbours to help you for furniture a little too heavy.

As Jed advised you, you had made a chocolate coulis and a mango coulis for the cake, as well as the sugar dough decorations. And indeed, the result is magnificent, it makes it much more colorful and much better taste level. It's time to go home. for once, for a long time, you will be alone tonight... normally. Tonight, it will be a small rice salad, with tuna, corn and thin slices of tomatoes. Simple but effective, fresh and light too.

You watch tv a little while eating, just to have news from all over the world. And the news is not famous. It's sad. Once the meal is finished, and the dishes are done, you change to get ready to go to bed. Suddenly you feel a fresh wind stroking your arm, taking a shiver from you. When you head to the source of this slight cool wind, which came from your room, you find that the window was open.

“Miss me Sugar ?” said a man voice.

“Long time no see... I thought you had finally found a new victim to harass. Whatever you still find the time to send me messages.” you respond, facing Ghostface which was leaning against the wall of the room, chuckling.

“Don't forget my little gifts. You see I spent some... complicated nights. stalking, conspiring, killing... avenge. it's not easy the life of a murderer you know. My life during the day is no better either. So, I take a little break. And what better way to relax than to see my beautiful and sweet star.”

He approached you, gently taking you by the waist, suddenly bringing you closer against him. You hear him humming your neck, like an animal smelling its prey. You hear a noise near his face, a sign that he lifted his mask slightly. Suddenly you feel his tongue licking your neck which made you react. You try to get away from him, but his strength was far greater than yours.

“You don't respect our market. It had been said one evening once that Hoggins would have died. Not before.” you said frowning.

“And I intend to respect it! but... I need to relax... and I must give you a... a taste of what awaits you. It will be nothing compared to what I would do during our little... private evening.” He responds chuckling.

“Don’t you dare...”

You don't have time to finish your sentence as he took your assault lips. If at first you did not let yourself be done, astonishingly you must be more docile after a few minutes, letting his tongue enter your mouth to play with yours. He pushed you gently on the bed, putting himself above you, without letting go of you. You feel his hand gently go down along your body, stroking your thigh. You can't help but take out a little moan between two kisses. He backed up his face, sneering, with a sneaky smile on his lips.

“Finally, you like it huh... you hide your game well. I like that. I love when a woman reveals herself to my eyes. You are like packed treats, which you have to unpack, again and again until you can finally enjoy it. And I intend to savor every piece of your fragile little body down to the smallest detail.” he said before resuming his assaults.

He unbuttoned his pants to throw them to the side before doing the same with your clothes. He left your lips to attack your chest. His hand went to caress your intimacy making you moan and lightly arch your back. You didn't want, you only want to, kick him in the head, push him back violently and call the police. Or Jed. But in your heart, you enjoyed all this. You don't want it to stop. You want it to last all night. You still feel guilty for Jed. If he learns that... who knows how he will react? If he gets angry... you are afraid of the consequences.

“Don't worry for your little boyfriend... He will never know about this . That will be our little secret, just you and me.”

He smiled at you before slowly bringing his face closer to your ear.

“Enjoy my sweet little star. I promise you that I will fill you until dawn.

Strangely you believe him. And strangely... you love it.

***

(Phew this week has been busy! between my driving hours and the few appointments, I didn't really have time to rest! As for the next fanfiction I would write, maybe I'll do it on Re8 Village with our dear Heisenberg ~ I might also do an intro instead of starting directly with Chapter 1! I'll see when I start writing! I hope you’ll like this chapter like the others ones! Well, it's time for my brain to rest! Have a great weekend to you all! See ya!)

#dbd fanfic #dbd #dead by daylight #ghostface #danny johnson #jed olsen

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hoe-doroki · 4 years

Text

We’ll See

Happy birthday, to my sweet boy, Kiri. Glad I managed to just barely get this out in time for you.

pairing: Kirishima x demisexual!fem!reader

genre: gen, light romance, light fluff, light comfort

word count: 6.3k

summary: After a fateful meeting where he saves you from a villain attack, you and Kirishima keep running into each other. And although he’s so nice, you only feel fear around the fact that he might be interested in you. Even though all you want is, for once, to let yourself be happy and maybe fall in love, you can’t seem to be able to. You just can’t.

a/n: I’ve been trying to think about what a comfort fic might look like for a demi reader because romance stories never match my lived experience and sometimes make me feel worse. I think I’ve finally managed something here. I hope this provides comfort to anyone who has difficult romantically/sexually for any reason, especially those of us who are acespec. My ask box is always open for acespec or similar requests as well. <3

edit: I no longer write x reader but here’s my old masterlist - mobile | desktop

For a moment, you thought it was hail. Little flecks of white—not quite white, really—falling from the sky at a more precipitous pace than snow, and bigger, more irregular. More dangerous.

Then, when you looked up, you didn’t know how you’d missed it.

You were always attentive when walking in the city, even in your Sisyphean commute to work: home, walk, train, walk, work, day after day. You held your bag close on your shoulder, had your pepper spray at the ready, and didn’t bother changing into heels until you got to the office. You always had your eyes on the surroundings, so, just before it happened, you could have told the cops that it had been a lovely spring day, white and pink flowers just beginning to bloom, but still jacket weather—not at all a day for hail. The streets had been congested with people just like you, all headed to work or school. The woman in front of you had been wearing a brightly striped sweater, standing out against the sea of black suits.

Then, concrete had begun raining down.

You looked up in time to see a slab from one of the old concrete buildings give way, suddenly casting shade right where you were standing. And the next thing you knew, you were on your back, and there was a man on top of you. Your first thought was that he must have been a dragon. Hard scales, sharp teeth, all jagged edges sharp enough to scratch grooves into the pavement below. He could kill you in an instant.

His arms were caged around you covered in fabric. But upon closer look at his exposed neck, you saw he didn’t have scales; his skin was like rock. Rocks that hadn’t yet been touched by the erosion of wind or water. They were new ones that were unbroken.

It took a moment of stillness, a moment of him trembling under the weight of the concrete wall for you to realize he wasn’t here to brutalize you—he was saving you. And when you realized that, your brain snapped into focus. There was chaos around you—you could hear the screams. Maybe they were civilians who were worried that you’d just been flattened to a pancake, but maybe they had greater fears than that. There was probably a villain on the loose, and this hero was wasting his time on you—just one person.

“Go!” you shouted, making eye contact with him for the first time. Red eyes like uncut rubies encased in cracked ivory. “I’ll be fine!”

For a moment, he struggled to lift the broken remnant of the building off of you both, but then you honed your focus. You stared at the concrete and it lifted off of the hero’s back, watched as his shoulders settled in relief. He looked at you in confusion for a second, taking in your furrowed brow and tense mouth, frozen body. Then, he took you in his arms and carried you to safety before you gasped, and the concrete fell with a smash.

He left you gasping on the sidewalk and ran into the fray, where it looked like a villain with a power-up quirk had crashed through the office building onto the sidewalk, where they were now wreaking havoc.

Someone offered a hand to help you up and you took it. Telekinesis always took a lot out of you, especially when an object was as heavy as, oh, say, a side of a building, but you shook it off as best you could, just focusing on getting your breathing under you.

More pro heroes were turning up, either drawn by the noise or the masses of pedestrians fleeing the area. The latter of which was exactly what you should have been doing.

But you couldn’t.

You’d never desired to be a pro hero. Yeah, you admired them, but as a job it sounded, well, awful? Seeking out trouble, always in danger of major corporeal damage, a constant target on your back—you’d never be able to handle the stress. You desired consistency in your life and, even if it wasn’t saving the world, an office job gave you that. Still, you’d always told yourself that if you even found yourself in a situation where you could help, where your quirk would be useful and it would be a net gain for you to stay instead of run, you would help. It was your duty.

Awfully hard to live up to when the situation actually came, though.

“Get out of here!” you said to the guy who’d helped you up as you staggered forward, hands on your knees. You were fine, you were standing. You didn’t have to fight—you absolutely shouldn’t fight—but if there was anyone who needed your help, you’d provide it.

As you pushed yourself up straight, the guy threw you one last look and then joined the crowd running from the scene while you stood, planted in it.

The fight was moving away from the building as multiple heroes took on the one huge villain, whose club-like arms were able to send them flying back before anyone could restrain him. But that was perfect. The building was still crumbling and you could check if anyone was stuck.

As you got closer, it looked as though you’d been the one hit by the biggest piece of debris—which, frankly, was a miracle. You were likely the one person in the crowd with any chance of surviving that, and the red-eyed hero had been there to save you anyway. But there was a lamppost that had been knocked over, thankfully pulled out of the ground so you could hold your breath and levitate it, vision just turning black around the edges as you dropped it harmlessly back to the ground. The victim likely had a broken leg, but some others managed to haul them out of the fray and hopefully to a hospital. One person saved.

The move left you capsized, back on your knees as you blinked color back into your vision. Fortunately, there wasn’t too much rubble—not yet, anyway—so all else there was to do was find a couple of the people who’d been knocked down or injured and send them out of the line of fire to where someone else could take care of them. You could use your quirk to keep back, not have to get too dangerously close to the fray in order to help these people. So you did your best to stay in the shadows of the punched-out building where there’d be no attention on you. Each time left you strained, but not broken. You just needed a little rest, and then you could keep moving.

You’d fallen to hands and knees after the last person, wheezing greedy gulps of dusty air. It felt like there were hands around your chest, squeezing palms against your heart and thick fingers against your throat. You weren’t practiced enough with your quirk to move this many heavy things successively, but you’d also never overused your quirk before. Never had to. You didn’t know where the line was, but so long as you were conscious, you’d keep moving.

But you felt lightheaded. The weight was suddenly off of your knees and wrists and you wondered if you were about to faint. Suddenly, the you felt a new compression around your waist as you were flipped upright, and you opened your eyes, looking down to see gray, damp skin pressed against your middle, and your feet dangling off the ground.

Oh, shit.

This was why civilians weren’t supposed to get involved when villains were around. You could become a liability for the heroes. Now they wouldn’t be able to fight all out against the villain, because you were effectively a meat shield. A hostage.

This wasn’t a net gain. Sure, you’d saved a handful of people, but now the villain couldn’t be caught. They had more power than just their quirk—they had leverage.

You thought quickly. You weren’t going to be the reason these heroes’ mission failed. You needed to take control of the situation so that no one else would get hurt. You needed to get the net gain back on your side.

You closed your eyes and took a couple breaths. After one last big one, you sent the villain up in the air, and you with it. As your ears began to ring, the last thing you heard were worried cries rumbling out from the chest you were pressed against. You felt the air as you both rose up in the sky, and then their arms loosened around you.

And then, you began to fall.

The next thing you heard was beeping. Gentle, even beeping to the rhythm of your gentle, even breaths. You weren’t heaving, weren’t gasping anymore. You must have been feeling better.

You took a breath and tried to push yourself up, instantly regretting it as your ears began to ring. Again. Suddenly, you remembered where you’d just been, what you’d just done.

Ugh, you were an idiot.

“Woah, you okay?”

You cracked your eyes open and saw a man in front of you. Definitely not a doctor, if his total lack of a shirt was anything to go by. You could feel your heartbeat in both ears, pulsing like a rock concert and waking up a headache you hadn’t realized you had. You closed your eyes and relaxed back down again.

“I’m okay,” you tried, but your voice came out all raspy. You wondered if dust had come out with it, expelling like smoke from your dry lungs.

“Here, let me get you some water.”

You blinked your eyes open and saw a straw being held up to your lips. You craned your neck up enough to purse your lips around it and took a small sip. Better.

The man in front of you had strange cuffs on his shoulders and something almost like a cape around his waist. But when you saw the wire piece around his face, you were finally able to place him.

“You’re the rock dragon,” you said.

The man laughed and you saw how young he was. When he’d been in his rocky form he could have been any age. No wrinkles or actual hair to go by. But now it was obvious that he was likely in his early twenties, just like you. Impressive for him to be a hero.

“Rock dragon?” he echoed. “I’ll take that.”

“Did you guys get the villain?”

That’s all you wanted to know. It didn’t really matter what had happened to you—evidently you were in one piece, so it was all but irrelevant.

The hero nodded. “They’re locked up, not too many major injuries on the scene. Thanks to you.”

“Urgh,” you groaned. “I’m so sorry. Usually I don’t do stuff like that.”

“Stuff like what?” he asked. “Save the day?”

“No, just…” You were glowing under his praise, but you didn’t want to. What you’d done had been idiotic and so easily could have gone sideways. More so than it seemed like it had. “I’m not usually so impulsive.”

“Must be good to know that you have good impulses then,” he said. “Although, I gotta ask, what was your plan there at the end?”

Plan? There hadn’t been any plan, and judging by his cheeky smile, bumping one cheekbone up against his wire mask, he realized that.

“I figured if I levitated that villain, then they wouldn’t be able to do any damage to anyone except me,” you said. “Of course, then there were a million questions about what could happen after, but the worst case scenario was that only both of us got hurt.”

“Very self-sacrificing,” he said. “You should be a hero. Although, we usually have to get the self-sacrificing impulses beat out of us a bit. But still, you’ve got the quirk for it. I have a friend who’s got a similar one. The world would love you.”

“No,” you said, shaking your head and feeling your brain slap against each side of your skull. “I think this was my first and last foray.”

He clutched his heart jokingly. “Oof, really one to break hearts, aren’t you?”

You froze. Suddenly the pulse that had been between your ears and behind your eyes moved back to your chest and was squeezing uncomfortably. Had he been saying that flirtatiously? Was it a joke you were just taking too seriously? Did this guy just use his hero costume to lay a bunch of girls and you should be kicking him out before he got any ideas?

“I’m really not,” you mumbled, reaching for the water glass again and drinking from it yourself. You felt the tug of an IV hooked up to your arm and you were only part way through the drip. You were stuck, unable to go anywhere until it was done. The good news was, your limbs felt generally fine. Just a little stiff and achy. The only real pain was in your head—the aftermath of using a psychic quirk.

“No,” Kirishima agreed. “You seem too nice for that. And, hero or not, the world was really lucky to have you today. So I just wanted to thank you for helping and, you know, make sure you were okay.”

“I think I’m okay,” you said.

“That’s what the doctor said,” he confirmed. “I’m just glad I caught you.”

So that’s what had happened. You weren’t sure if you’d passed out before or after the villain had landed, but you remembered focusing on trying to lower them to the ground slowly before everything had gone black. But you couldn’t use your telekinesis on yourself, so you’d resigned yourself to plunging to the ground. Not that you’d had much time to make peace with it.

“Sorry you had to save me twice,” you mumbled.

“I’ll save you as many times as I need to.”

Okay, that definitely felt like flirting. His smile was so open and genuine—he didn’t look like a fuckboy, but it didn’t matter. You didn’t want him interested in you, even if he was a hero. Even if he was attractive. Even if he was nice. You couldn’t deal with it. So you put the water back and pursed your lips awkwardly, unsure what to say.

“Oh, I’m Red Riot, by the way,” he said, extending a hand towards you.

You took it, feeling how callused his hand was. It wasn’t hard, like it had looked back when he’d been made of rock and gemstone, but had the feel of a fighter. Yours were soft as a baby’s. “Y/N,” you said.

“I know,” Red Riot said with a grin—his teeth were sharp even when he wasn’t transformed. “We found your ID in your wallet when you were being admitted. So you’re not a Jane Doe.”

“Oh.”

You supposed that was comforting. If you had fallen and broken every bone in your body, at least your family would have found out.

Your attention was diverted when someone walked into your room—a woman in a white coat and definitely wearing a shirt. This must be the doctor.

“Red Riot, you were supposed to press the button when she woke up,” the doctor chastised, though her voice was light.

“Sorry, doc, I was just seeing if she was lucid,” he said with a grin. “She remembers her name and everything that happened.”

“Right,” the doctor said, not looking especially amused. Still, there was a friendly energy between the two of them, and you wondered if heroes had close relationships with hospital staff. They probably found themselves in hospitals often enough—it would make sense. “That will be all, Red Riot.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said, standing up from the folding chair he’d been planted in and pushing it against the wall. Then he turned back to you. “I really can’t thank you enough for what you did today. You’re a really good person.”

“Oh, uh, thanks,” you said, not sure what to do with the praise.

“Anytime.”

He waved and gave you one last smile before heading back, returning to duty. And as you were able to breathe easy again, answering the doctor’s routine questions and making sure that you actually were okay, it felt like Red Riot’s lingering smile never left.

The first thing you learned afterwards was that most ‘life-changing’ events weren’t actually life changing. They confirmed what they confirmed in your worldview, but, largely, life went on as normal. Like, now you knew for sure that you were the kind of person who could act in a crisis. But that was the story you’d been telling yourself before too, so what was the difference? After your day of heroics—and a day of rest, necessitated by the doctor—you went back to work and life became about staring at numbers on a screen once again.

Some of your coworkers asked about what the rescue had been like—apparently bits and pieces had reached the news, and there’d been footage of Red Riot and the others, but thankfully nothing official about you. They were suddenly very interested in your quirk—your quirk had never been a bad one, but you’d never made a habit of talking about it. And they wanted to know about the heroes.

Apparently, Red Riot was a name that some people knew. You didn’t tend to watch news about heroes and villains—you didn’t figure you needed to know much more than a bit of politics and the weather in your day to day—but those who did knew who Red Riot was. He was a rising star in the hero rankings and had graduated a few years ago from an apparently notorious class at U.A.

Even you knew what U.A. was.

You told everyone he was very nice but that you didn’t know much else. You hadn’t talked to any of the other heroes and if wasn’t like you were besties with Red Riot now. You didn’t even know his real name. Or you hadn’t, until some of your more eager coworkers informed you it was Kirishima Eijirou.

But…you didn’t like the questions. You didn’t like people asking you about how attractive or fit he was, people talking about how in love with him they were, as if you should be drooling and agreeing. Because, nice as the boy was, you didn’t feel that way. A pretty face was a pretty face and a kind soul was a kind soul. But you didn’t have a crush because, well, you almost never had crushes.

And the reminder of that, how different you were from your fantasy-having, simpering peers made you remember just how alone you were. How without those feelings, playful though they were, you felt like you would always be alone. Destined to shy away whenever a sweet boy flirted with you, to say no whenever one asked you out, to cry in your too-large bed on the days where you couldn’t convince yourself that just because you’d always been single, didn’t mean you always would be.

The second thing you learned was that, in actuality, life was always changing. Down to a simple train ride.

Public transit was one of your favorite things about living in the city. Sure, waiting for trains was irritating when you were running late, but you loved that on your morning commute you could read a book or do work instead of staring at a license plate in front of you, trying not to shout into gridlocked traffic.

You always made a habit of pausing your reading the stop before yours, just so that you could double check that your bag was tucked close, still zipped, and that all of your belongings were still on your person. You didn’t like fumbling with a bookmark and your purse just as the doors were opening and stumbling out, hoping you hadn’t left something on the seat—on the days that you were lucky enough to get a seat, that was. This time you’d been stuck, pressed against the window at the back of the car, but, when the stop before yours came, you put your book away and began pushing toward the door.

When the doors pinged open, you were one of the first ones out, flooding onto the platform as a crowd eagerly waited to take your spot, the train destined to stay full until sundown. You’d almost made it out of the station when you heard your name shouted above the din of the train pulling away.

You turned back abruptly, forcing the people behind you to split around you as you wondered if you’d made it up, heard a phantom voice without a source. But then you saw someone pushing through the crowd toward you, sharp grin present on his face.

His torso was hidden under a graphic tee, appropriate for how much warmer the weather had gotten in the past few weeks, but you’d recognize him anywhere. Really, even if you hadn’t had the reminders of people shoving phones with his picture in your face, he was unmistakable from his hair to his eyes to his teeth.

“Red Riot?” you said with surprise, noticing that he was getting a few stares from passersby.

“Ah, you can call me Kirishima,” he said, rubbing the back of his head. “Red Riot’s just the guy in the uniform.”

“What are you doing here?” you asked, wondering if this man, Kirishima, was going to be imprinting himself on all ends of your commute by the end of the year.

“Day off with my friends.”

Kirishima gestured behind him at a few other people, visible now that the station was thinning out. There was a scowling blond who looked vaguely familiar—probably another hero—two other boys and a pink girl with horns.

“You’re coming home from work?”

You looked down. You were one of the youngest people in the office, so you always tried hard to look the part by dressing as professionally as possible in a button-down and slacks. It definitely stood out against his friends’ casual wear. “Guess it’s pretty obvious, huh?”

Kirishima nodded and you wondered if this was your cue to leave. Cool to see you again, bro, but I’ve got a hot date with Netflix and some leftovers, so why don’t you and your friends enjoy a real Friday night while I begin my descent into my final crotchety cat lady persona?

“Kiri’s told us all about your awesome quirk,” the pink girl said, dark eyes sparkling. “He said you were really brave.”

“And he told us how pretty you were, but man, he didn’t do you justice,” one of the boys—the blond who wasn’t frowning—said.

You bit your lip. The praise was flattering but…uncomfortable. The boy’s brows were raised in what could be interpreted as a suggestive manner, and you wondered what Kirishima had said. Something like She was really brave, cool quirk, kinda cute too or Next time I see her I wanna tap that ass.

Honestly, they made you about equally uncomfortable.

“Cut it out, Kaminari,” Kirishima said, having the decency to flush a little bit. “Listen, we were just going to go to the park and hang out if you wanted to come along?”

“Oh, I…”

You glanced at his friends. All of them—except the one—were smiling and looked like friendly, genuine people. And you usually did like hanging out with people when you actually got up the gumption to do so.

But…your mind was always ready to supply you with a lot of ‘buts.’

But, you’d just gotten off work, looked like an idiot in your slacks and needed to get changed.

But, it was uncomfortable to be in a group where everyone knew each other but you.

But, what if any of these boys were interested in you and tried to get with you?

The last thought always felt so stupid—who did you think you were to assume that any man who looked at you might be thinking about you in that way? Not that you honestly assumed they did, but you feared it. And that didn’t feel much less stupid, to be honest.

“That’s really nice of you,” you said, putting extra cheer and enthusiasm in your voice so it didn’t sound so much like a rejection. “But I haven’t had dinner and work was rough, so I don’t think I’d make a very good impression.”

“Oh, no worries!” Kirishima said, his voice holding the same false merriment as yours. Or maybe you were projecting and he was being totally genuine. “Maybe next time.”

“Yeah,” you agreed, managing a laugh. “If you manage to catch me on another part of my commute—and there’s no villain involved—I’ll make sure to say hey.”

“All right, Y/N,” Kirishima said as he and his friends began to walk on. “I’m counting on it.”

And the third thing you learned was something you’d actually known for a long time. When things changed, usually they changed slowly.

You’d only said what you’d said to Kirishima last time because you figured there was no way in hell you’d be seeing him again. After all, it was a big city with hundreds of thousands of residents, and it wasn’t exactly like accountants and pro heroes ran in the same spheres.

But it seemed life was getting a kick out of keeping you to your word these days.

It was a weekend and you’d actually managed to leave your apartment to hang out with friends. As predicted, you actually did have a good time, though that didn’t keep you from dipping out early—mostly because you were never excited about heading home alone at night. So, purse clutched close to your side, you walked through the streets, reassuringly lit by friendly lampposts and the many bars that were still open.

When you saw the shocking head of red hair, you thought your brain was making up. Because why would he be here, walking the streets on your route home again?

Judging by his shirtless state, it was because he was on patrol. Which, you know, made sense.

It didn’t take him long to spot you. Because while you were attentive—and especially alert, since it was after dark—he was a hero. Trained not to miss a thing.

His face brightened at the sight of you and he jogged over.

“Y/N!” he said. “I thought you were gonna say hello next time you saw me.”

“I said on my commute,” you quipped, feeling the burn of awkwardness that he’d caught you looking at him. “I thought heroes needed to be detail-oriented.”

“Touché,” he said. “Well, it seems you’re spared again. Can’t hang out while I’m working.”

“But you can do this?” you asked, gesturing between the two of you.

Kirishima grinned. “Of course! This is just me building a relationship with the citizens!”

You didn’t know if that was a thing or not, but it sounded legit enough for you. At the very least, it you were in no place to accuse Kirishima of not being good at his job.

“So, I know why I’m here,” Kirishima continued. “What are you up to?”

“Oh, I was just hanging out with friends,” you said. “Heading home now.”

“But that stop that we got off at a few weeks back,” he said. “That’s the stop for your house, right? That’s still pretty far from here.”

Ah, so he was attentive. You had to give him points for that, even if the fact that he’d paid so much attention made you feel…squirmy. Your flight reflexes were humming under your skin, waiting for the moment he said something that made you think too close, too far, too soon.

“I feel safer walking,” you said, subconsciously gripping onto your purse’s strap.

Some people felt safer taking the train home in the evening, but even if it doubled, tripled the length of the trip, you preferred being in a space where you could run away if necessary. And in the city, there were always potential witnesses outside, if you were ever to need them.

Kirishima’s brows furrowed a bit. “Do you want me to walk you? I can go with you at least to the end of my beat.”

The humming increased. His offer was gentlemanly, chivalrous. It reminded you of old-timey courting—and you were being crazy. You didn’t want to walk home alone and a hero was offering to accompany you part way. You ignored your nerves “That would be really sweet, thank you.”

So you walked and talked. He had more to say about your quirk and you told him that you’d never had much interest in them. Rather, you were an accountant who worked nine to five and quite happy living a quiet life with modest success. You didn’t need a lot—certainly not fame or recognition—and you were mostly content. You didn’t mention the chronic loneliness or bouts of fear around dying alone, but that was how you got by. Loneliness was something you were always trying to outrun, and most days you managed to. Letting it catch up and thinking about it never made you feel better and talking about it rarely did either. It was something you felt powerless to change, so the best thing you could do was try to be happy with the rest of your life and hope for the best.

“I’ll admit, the fame is pretty different in real life from what you think it’ll be as a teenager,” Kirishima said.

“Oh, I don’t know,” you said. “I thought about famous bands and stuff and even when I was a kid I didn’t want the kind of notoriety that they have.”

“I’m not sure I ever wanted that either,” Kirishima said. “I just wanted people to look up to me the way I looked up to Crimson Riot. And now that I’m starting to have that, I like that people can rely on me, even if they don’t know me personally.”

You smiled. “That’s a pretty nice way to look at it.”

“You think?”

“I do.” You nodded. “I can see you on the street and feel safer for your being there.”

Kirishima’s shark teeth showed through his smile. “That’s exactly why I’m allowed to talk to you during my patrol.”

“I see,” you said, beginning to think that there was a lot more to heroes than you’d thought.

“Speaking of which,” he said. “I’d love to take you all the way home, but I can’t abandon my post. And this is kind of the end of it.”

You looked at where you were, about to cross a major intersection. You wondered if there was a hero on the other side who would be happy to walk you to the edge of their patrol too.

“No, thank you so much for walking with me this far,” you said. “You didn’t have to do that and it was really sweet.”

“I was happy to do it!” he insisted. You moved to keep going, about to wave your hand in goodbye when he said, “Wait!”

You stopped, heart beating loudly. Flight, flight, flight.

“I was wondering if you’d like to hang out sometime?” he said, a hint of nervousness and hope on his face. Too much hope. “On purpose, you know?”

“Oh,” you said, wishing you could go back in time. Wishing you could have left faster or maybe not even walked with him, even though the walk had been pleasant and comforting. Wishing you were a different person entirely. “I, um, can’t.”

“Oh, do you have a boyfriend?” he asked, the nerves eclipsing the hope. “If so, I’m really sorry if it seemed like I was assu—”

“No, no, I don’t have a boyfriend,” the words almost pulling a wry laugh out of you. A sardonic choke. “I just…I don’t really date.”

“Oh,” Kirishima said again, short brows scrunching in confusion. “Um, sorry, and you don’t have to answer but…what do you mean?”

“I’m on the asexuality spectrum?” you began, hating how apologetic the words sounded. Hating that you couldn’t seem to find a way to be proud of your sexuality, that you could only wear it as a burden. “I’m demisexual. Which means that I can’t feel attracted to people that I barely know. So dating is just…really hard.”

Kirishima’s brows raised. “So…you need to get to know people really well before you’d even be interested?” he asked slowly, clarifying.

“Yeah,” you said. “Very…slow burn.”

“So you’re saying,” he continued, his face becoming warm with a smile again, “that I’d have to see you more often before seeing you officially.”

“Oh, yeah, uh, not that simple,” you said, nervous and confused that he hadn’t let it go yet. “I don’t casual date either. Like, I wouldn’t want someone showing interest in me and then dating other people while they wait to see if I come around. Which I know isn’t fair. Basically, seeing me would be a lot of risk for potentially no reward, because even if we do spend time together, I might never like you. So, yeah, you understand the dilemma.”

The concern was back on his face, and, somehow, your entire urge to flee went away. You’d scared him off, and there was some comfort in that. Sure, maybe it was running away from your problems, but you were able to trick yourself into thinking it was the mature thing to do because you were telling the truth. You were being honest about what the situation was.

“So this really is hard for you.” There was compassion in his voice that took you aback. That wasn’t him running. That wasn’t him being scared off.

“Um, yeah, it kinda sucks,” you said.

“I’m really sorry about that,” Kirishima said, and you thought, hoped that would be the end of it. But he kept going. “But, honestly, spending more time with you sounds like a really nice thing, even without any expectations or anything on it.”

Some boys had made this offer in the past. And it sounded nice on paper, but no matter what you did, you couldn’t remove the expectations in your mind. The fact that you knew why they’d looked at you in the first place, what they were looking for, and that you were still in a position to lead them on. You always made it so hard for yourself, even though you just wanted with everything in your heart for it to be easy.

“And, just so you know,” Kirishima said, glancing down shyly, “I don’t date a lot either. I’m not sure what kind of impression I’ve given off, but really, I don’t have that much time because of this career, and the time that I do I try to spend with my friends. So, it would make more sense to, you know, try and do that anyway. I just…as a hero, I often see the worst of people and so I want to spend all my other time with good ones. And you seem like a really good person.”

“I…” You had one last shot. One last thing to show the worst of yourself and see if he’d turn around on you. “When I’ve tried dating before, I’m not the best version of myself. I get really uncomfortable, so I treat people in a way that’s less than they deserve. I don’t think you’d like that version of me.”

“It’s a good thing we wouldn’t be dating then,” Kirishima said. “Just…two friends trying to become better people.”

You were at war with yourself. He was saying all the right things but you were still so scared. Of someone liking you when you couldn’t like them. Of you falling for them after they’d put you in the friend zone. Of falling in love and it not working out. Of falling in love and getting everything.

“How about this,” Kirishima said. “I’ll be here tomorrow—my shift starts at six. And if we happen to bump into each other by accident, well, that seems to be our pattern, so how bad could it be?”

You smiled, having a quick response for that one. “I could be held hostage by a villain, pass out, and need you to take me to the hospital.”

“Well, at least we know we can get out of that one.”

“I suppose so,” you said. It was casual. It was literally the lowest stakes invitation you’d ever heard in your life. If you couldn’t say yes to this, then what were you doing? “I…okay. I might see you tomorrow.”

He grinned at you and you became immediately convinced that his cheer was totally genuine. He was just a happy guy, and maybe nothing he said had any innuendo or hidden meaning to it. It probably never had. “Is it okay if I give you my number? I just want to know that you get home safe.”

In the bright lights of the busy street, you’d almost forgotten that it was quickly becoming the middle of the night, and that you’d had such unease when you’d first stepped out into it. You’d felt totally safe for a minute, even in this strange world you lived in.

“Okay,” you said. “If I’m not home in twenty minutes, you have permission to get worried.”

“I’ll send a search party,” he said. “I know a guy.”

You laughed. “Sounds good. Otherwise…”

“Otherwise…”

“Tomorrow.”

“We’ll see.”

He nodded. “We’ll see.”

It was half a promise, the start of a maybe friendship. It was probably nothing at all, you had to remind yourself for the whole walk home, otherwise you might go crazy with nerves.

But, also, it might be good.

Time would only tell.

#kirishima x reader #bnha x reader #acespec #acespec fiction #acespec fic #demisexual fiction #demisexual fic #bnha lgbt #kirishima imagine #kirishima imagines #eijirou kirishima x reader #bnha imagine #bnha imagines #mha imagine #mha imagines

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angelkurenai · 5 years

Text

Qualified cuddler - Tom Hiddleston x Reader

Title: Qualified cuddler

Pairing: Tom Hiddleston x Reader

Warnings: None

Summary: oh my god could you write a tom hiddleston one where y/n is part of the crew cast while filming ragnarrok and they get on very well and everybody loves her, she’s got great style. she’s been sleeping bad a few days and ends up falling a sleep on tom’s lap “be my extra pillow please” and tom’s like “fuck i love this girl (slightly altered)

A/N: Love to get to write the requests, but until I’m done with the current ones I won’t be accepting any more new ones. Thank you!

“Another cup of coffee? I see you've found a whole new appreciation for the beverage, love. Is this the third one today? That's more times than we've talked to each other today.”

You would be lying majorly if you said that you didn't smile the second you heard the soft accented voice, more than you had smiled in the past eight hours. A smile that was only accompanied by a weight lifting off your shoulders. It seemed like whenever you looked at the man your day got ten times better and it definitely had nothing to do with your feelings for him. Not at all... or maybe a little bit. On the other hand your costar and great friend was probably one of the kindest and most considerate people you'd met, so it would be impossible for such a sweet person as Tom to not brighten your day just by giving you a smile.

However, these days had been a lot more than just hard on you, that really even Tom's bright smile and comforting gaze couldn't do enough to make it better. And even more, to give you the sleep you so desperately needed but couldn't find.

“Why, yes. I have never appreciated it as much as now. It seems almost like I've just fallen in love.” you closed your eyes for a small peaceful seconds when he kissed your temple, finding such comfort and relaxation that it surprised you very much pleasantly.

“Ah so you've replaced me? Oh the pain!” he placed a hand over his chest a little bit too dramatically that you couldn't help but chuckle. It came out a little more nervous than you'd like mostly because of how his words made your heart skip a beat or two. Despite your worn-out body and tired, sleep-deprived brain, the effect this man could have on you was unparalleled.

“So it seems. Unfortunately you've been dethroned. The first place in my heart belongs to coffee now.” you raised your cup, smiling before you took a large sip and folding the papers with script for the scene you were supposed to be filming in three hours, you placed them neatly away. It wasn't as if you had been able to read past the same first sentence anyway.

Still with a smile on your lips, much softer, you said “Careful though, if Mark or Scarlett hear us right now there will be nosaving this, I'm telling you.”

“Odin help us.” his eyes widened and he looked around frantically “I sure hope they're not anywhere near. There would be no hearing the end of it. For all I know, they will bring it up on some interview. They even have gotten matching T-shirts which I hope I don't see, either. Something about shipping us and-” but his words came to a halt when he noticed the frown that had set upon your own face. It was so subtle – or maybe present 24/7 the past couple days to the point people and stopped ignoring it or maybe, you believed, they didn't get to notice it in the first place. Being an actress and spending so much time filming not one but two of the biggest and most demanding movies in the past ten years in the MCU meant that not many had the chance to notice let alone consider the reasons why you were so exhausted these days. Not many... but certainly one.

“Feeling tired again, darling?” he asked softly, voice even more soothing and calm than before, as he pressed his palm to your cheek.

“Wha- Uh.” you shook your head, trying to give him a reassuring smile “No. I only zoned out for a second, sorry. I'm fine, I'm really fine. See, I've got my two loves right here with me. What else can a girl need?”

“While I am flattered or maybe a lot more than that, I'd much rather ignore my skipping heartbeat for the moment and... hear you say the truth this time.” you almost couldn't comprehend what he was asking from you because his own words managed to make your heart skip beats and you blessed this man for making you feel more alive than you had in the past three days “You look terrible, darling. Don't get me wrong, you're always ravishing but- Have you been getting any sleep lately? I feel scared sometimes that you're going to pass out a-and at first I thought you were only stressed – which got me just as worried – but then you stopped being as focused, you're constantly silent a-nd look like you might pass out any given moment. You look... exhausted. And it just... breaks my heart to see you like this.”

“You're far too good for me, you know that?” you looked at him through your lashes, biting your lower lip but he only shook his head.

He sighed softly “I'd rather say it's the other way round. But we're not talking about that, are we?”

“No, I think we're rather talking about how jealous you are of this coffee replacing you in my heart.” you said with a smile that felt too light and not just as tired as every other one these days.

“And as I previously said, I'm terribly hurt and I will definitely fight to gain my place back on the first spot by all means necessary.But you still are avoiding the topic, dear.” his smile fluttered a bit “So I am only going to ask you. Is everything alright? Are you alright? Is something troubling you o-or is there a problem you'd... like to talk about? You know I'm always here for you and if I could help in any way, I'd very much love to. I- I know it's possibly not my place to ask because I'm really no more than a colleague-”

“Tom” you couldn't help the gasp that left your lips, your eyes all-but-widening “Do you really believe that?”

It seemed like he did have his doubts, yes, and seeing you feel so shocked over his words managed to earn a smile from him as he nodded his head and corrected “I apologize. No. I do think after two years we're more than just that. And even if I don't really know my place-” he let out a small shaky breath “I still do want to know what's troubling you so much and if, in any way, I can help.”

“It's not anything too bad, Tom. Really, not something you should worry yourself with. I-” you scoffed a small laugh “I doubted anyone would notice to be honest. Nobody else had so far.”

“Well, I sure hope I'm not somebody else, for one. And for another-” he slowly took the cup of coffee from your hand “I do really care. Care for you. And care to know. That's why I pay attention.”

It wasn't as if you really had much strength in you to fight, given how tired you were all the time, but when it came to Tom things got even harder. One look at those blue eyes and you found that every part of your will slipped away. You secretly thought he knew it and used it to his advantage every time he could.

“It's not someth-” you shook your head, stopping yourself “I really shouldn't bother you with this. It's not that important. There's nothing to-”

“It is to me if it concerns you. And there clearly is something. Love-” he took your hand in yours, locking fingers with yours and brining it to his lips to kiss the back of it “Tell me.”

“You know-” you felt your throat close, tears welling up in your eyes from all the stress that had piled up the past couple days “You're making it really hard for me to say no to you lately. And that's not good. Not good at all.”

“Well, although I'm not really a fan of it, I think it best sums up things: Eye for an eye hm?”

Biting your lip, you looked down at your hands before letting a small sigh of defeat “I'm only incredibly nervous about my upcoming scenes. There. I said it. And it sounds as stupid out loud as it did in my head.”

“Oh darling.” you took notice of the smile forming on his lips, sympathetic and certainly very relieved but at the same time caring as always. You, however, couldn't stand to think that he'd laugh at you so you tore your eyes away from him and biting your lip you finally managed to mumble a soft sentence.

“Don't laugh at me. What with my character having a bigger part in the story and what with Kevin saying he wants me to lead the new phase- which, I never even asked for by the way, it's not really easy on my sanity and therefore sleep a-and now it's been- Gosh, I've lost count of the nights I haven't slept and it's all piling up because I- I can't sleep at night but I also have to stay awake at ay because of filming and therefore drink so much coffee that it's not healthy but I know I have to in order to-”

“Whow whow. No. No, no no. (Y/n)-” before you could even comprehend it, you felt a pair of hands cup your face only to force you to look into Tom's impossibly blue eyes “Love, I would never laugh for something like this. Especially something like this. It's just that- You never cease to amaze me, dear. Gosh, you are truly incredible, do you know that?”

“Tom... it's not nice to make fun of your friends, you know.” you mumbled, even more weakly than before as your eyes casted down for a few seconds.

“I'm not! I could never be, dear, you know me. It's just that-” he shook his head softly, letting only a moment of silence pass – a moment that really peaked your interest if you were entirely honest – before you felt a pair of lips press on your forehead and you couldn't fight the small sigh of content that escaped your own lips “You are so wonderful. The love you have for what you do, the passion and energy you put into it that, while I don't approve of you exhausting yourself, is something so beautiful to watch because in the end you create real art with your very own being. All of the acting, every scene, is also a part of you that you are about to give to the world and it amazes me.”

“Alright-” you were biting your lip to keep yourself from smiling like an idiot but you were failing miserably both at that and at not blushing bright red at his words “That sounds a lot better than what I said.”

Your words earned a soft chuckle from him but they didn't manage to wipe out all of his worry. Taking a better look at him you noticed his eyebrows had pulled into a frown once more, although less obvious this time. “It's not really any better, though. You're going to fall down if you keep going like this.”

“I'm doing well so far, aren't I? There's no need to make such an issue out of this, Tommy.” despite how touching it was to see him care so deeply for you, you didn't want to burden him with your problems so instead you tried to put on a small smile and make it as believable as possible before adding “But if you want to make this fun, we can bet on how long it will take me to fall down. I'm sure I could last-”

“I'm not going to make fun of it because it is not something to be taken lightly. Not to me. As a matter of fact, I-” you would have gotten completely distracted – especially in your light-headed sleep-deprived state – by the way his fingers slipped so casually and easily between yours and lingered, just a few long seconds that had your heart leaping to your throat, but you were more than alert when you felt your cup of coffee slip from your grasp as he took it away. Your eyes widened and a small gasp left your lips at the same time. He completed with “Am gonna do much more.” but you didn't have a mind for that.

“No, Tom!” you reached for it but he he held the cup further away from you “Tommy, please.”

“Starting with this. You don't need any more coffee than you've already had. It's bad for your health, especially if we consider the fact that you haven't eaten more than half a sandwich all day. And yes, I've noticed. As I told you, I pay attention to the things that matter to me.” you would have melted at the caring tone in his voice and probably just kissed the living heaven out of him right then and there but he was still mercilessly holding your coffee away from you and it didn't make things easy for you.

“Tommy, give me my coffee back. Please, I need it!” you pleaded with him, trying to give him the most adorable puppy eyes you could master “I won't be able to go for the rest of the day without it.”

“I'm pretty sure that everyone would say that you will in fact make it if you don't have this coffee. And to make sure of it-” before you even had the chance to protest you watched the man drop the cup into the closest bin, earning a squeak of surprise barely even a yelp before you watched him turn back to you with a satisfied smile “There. No more coffee for today.”

“But Tom, I-” you let a small whine “I'm gonna fall down without that. I need the caffeine to keep me awake!”

“Oh no, the exact opposite. The caffeine is what's going to make you fall down. You're not looking out for your health and diet and with the lack of sleep I don't even want to think of what could come.” this time he used a more stern voice that made you look down like a kid being scolded “And I'm going to do anything I can to make sure that it doesn't. Starting now. You have some time before your next scene, am I right?” he asked and you gave him a hesitant nod “Good, then we're going to make most of it. Come here.”

“Wha-” you didn't really try hard to protest against him taking hold of your hand, but still frowned when he led you towards one of the small armchairs that was part of the set that you were going to have a scene in next. However, a gasp escaped your lips when he sat down and, still holding your hand, he dragged you with him and before you could understand it you were falling on his lap.

“Tom!” you squeaked out, eyes all wide and you prayed that at least your face wasn't bright red despite how hot it felt “What are you-”

“I said I'm looking out for you. At least more than I usually am. I've taken it upon myself to make you feel better, get over your problems and have a good night's sleep again. And we're getting started right now. Don't think this will be the end of it because I'm very stubborn as you may know, so be prepared for more time with yours truly. Like, a lot more. In and out of set. You won't get rid of me easily.” you couldn't say that sounded like the best thing in the world out loud, not when you were holding your own breath.

“While I'm not protesting to that... What does that have to do with, well, this?”

“Simple.” he smiled, wrapping his arms around your middle, letting you lean on his side “You have time, just about right enough for a quick nap and more often than not, having another source of heat like another body of someone you're comfortable with, helps a lot. So that's what you're going to do until it's time for filming. Or at least try to. Even if you get thirty minutes, it's worth it.”

“I don't doubt your magic, but Tommy, seriously? Anybody could walk in! How are you going to explain this to them? It's not really the most professional thing to-”

“Alright let me stop you right there because you're rambling without a single breath and that's not a way to relax. Deep breath first. Deep breath, (Y/n).” he gave you a stern look and you did as told, despite the small roll of your eyes “Good. And if anyone has any questions I'll be the one to answer, not you. Not that anybody will hold it against you, you know everyone loves you. Unless you have a problem them thinking something else of this perhaps...?” he raised a small eyebrow but you shook your head.

“No, no of course not Tommy... Unless it's Mark or Scarlett that runs into us we're safe.”

“Then let's hope they don't. I value your sleep more than anything else though, so I don't know if I'm going to engage in any conversations though. Much less try to avoid what they'll have coming.”

“Sleep, yeah.” you scoffed with a fond smile, resting your head on his shoulder “As if that's even a possibility, Tommy. We both know it, you're wasting your time here.”

“No I'm not. Even if you don't get to sleep we both know it's worth the effort and far from a waste of time to be with you. And stop calling me Tommy, it's distracting the way you say it and I don't plan on sidetracking. You are going to besleeping here, no matter what.” he kissed the top of your head and this time you let your smile show.

“While I don't mean to doubt you, and you're exceptional soft and comfy, it's nearly impossible for me to relax.” you whispered although you had slowly but surely started losing track of yours words. His thumb had started rubbing soothing circles on your back, making your heart rate slow down to such a degree that you couldn't believe how calm you were already feeling. It seemed that with the combination of his soothing voice, soft cologne and warm body you really had no way of escaping it.

“Dare you say I'm not qualified enough for cuddles?”

“Oh no, by all means.” you giggled and it took a couple seconds for your brain to register how sleepy that giggle was and that you had et a pause way longer than expected to follow, as if zoning out or as if – surprisingly so – fading in and out of sleep “You're the perfect pillow. Soon... they'll be looking around for you because... because I'll steal you away for... personal use. You'll... be my extra pillow... from now on. If... I ever manage... to fall asleep... again.”

You hadn't realized it that each pause lasted longer and that your eyes lingered closed even more with each blink. Your breathing was slowly becoming more even too.

“Then I'll gladly be your pillow... for the rest of your life.” he only whispered as he kissed the top of your head, no other thought in his head but how much he loved you.

One day he'd get to tell you too.

#tom #tom hiddleston #tom imagine #tom hiddleston imagine #tom x reader #tom hiddleston x reader #tom fanfiction #tom hiddleston fanfiction #tom one shot #tom hiddleston one shot #avengers #avengers imagine #loki #x reader #imagine #fanfiction

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cheri-translates · 4 years

Text

[CN] Idle Chat with Lucien

🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for a feature which has not been released in English servers! 🍒

The CN server was recently graced with a new feature called 随便聊聊 (“Idle Chat”), where you can select a mood and talk to the love interests about work, life, and studies :>

Idle Chat with: Gavin / Kiro / Shaw / Victor

[ WORK - Topic 1: Overtime ]

1. Mood: Happy

MC: I finished my tasks earlier than expected. This means I finally won’t need to work overtime this weekend~

Lucien: Leave this weekend’s plans to me, all right?

Lucien: We were both very busy during the previous period.

Lucien: So this time, we have to properly make up for it.

2. Mood: Upset

MC: I don’t seem to be in a working mode recently, and I don’t have much inspiration. It seems I’ll have to work overtime during the weekend again...

Lucien: Everyone experiences such times. It will be fine if you make slow adjustments.

Lucien: As compared to working overtime, why don’t we watch a movie together during the weekend.

Lucien: With a change in your mood, inspiration might surface when you least expect it.

3. Mood: Angry

MC: I’ve been working overtime so much that I’m starting to question life. I really hope that I’ll be of retirement age when I wake up tomorrow!

Lucien: No wonder you’ve been looking fatigued these days.

Lucien: It’s said that drinking tea has the effect of alleviating fatigue. I happen to have some new tea in my home.

Lucien: Want to come over after work to give it a try?

[ WORK - Topic 2: Income ]

1. Mood: Happy

MC: I’m getting paid today! I’ve decided to reward myself with a delicious feast~

Lucien: I can sense your happiness just from the words.

Lucien: I wonder if I have a share in the delicious feast?

2. Mood: Upset

MC: I discovered that a large proportion of my income is used in unnecessary places. I feel as though I’m very unruly in my spending... I wonder what Professor Lucien mainly spends his income on?

Lucien: Me? I’ve never analysed it in detail.

Lucien: But if I were to see something I like, I wouldn’t consider the price, and will get it no matter what.

Lucien: From what I said, don’t I seem even more unruly?

3. Mood: Angry

MC: Why are my income and expenditure never balanced? I find myself wondering where my income goes to...

Lucien: Why don’t you cultivate a habit of keeping account from today onwards.

Lucien: And after that, consider whether such a distribution is reasonable.

Lucien: Don’t worry, I’ll supervise you.

[ WORK - Topic 3: Program Progress ]

1. Mood: Happy

MC: The new program is proceeding very smoothly! Many thanks for the devoted help from the “Program Consultant”!

Lucien: I merely provided some views.

Lucien: The person who ultimately completed it perfectly was you.

Lucien: But since you’ve put it this way, have you thought of a return gift?

2. Mood: Upset

MC: The collaborative program was progressing halfway, but a new proposal had to be done because of all sorts of reasons that suddenly cropped up. I feel as though my prior efforts have been burnt to the ground...

Lucien: That does sound troublesome. Are you willing to listen to my view?

Lucien: I think your prior efforts have not gone to waste.

Lucien: It’s exactly because of such experiences that you can prevent yourself from going down a wrong path when you redo the proposal from scratch.

Lucien: And you might also obtain unexpected results.

3. Mood: Angry

MC: The collaborative program has entered a deadlock again. Why is communication between people so difficult sometimes?

Lucien: Perhaps due to your different positions, the way you perceive things differs from theirs.

Lucien: What if you considered the issue from the perspective of the other party?

Lucien: Taking on a different perspective has always been one of your greatest merits.

[ WORK - Topic 4: Program Results ]

1. Mood: Happy

MC: The collaborative program is finally over! Although there were some twists and turns in the process, at least it ended perfectly~

Lucien: Such happy news has to be properly celebrated.

Lucien: I’ve made a reservation at that restaurant we went to before.

Lucien: Are the seats by the window all right?

2. Mood: Upset

MC: The program is still in the process of being approved, and I think there are still some issues. I might have to stay up again tonight.

Lucien: Perhaps I could help you analyse it?

Lucien: When faced with difficulties, don’t always shoulder them by yourself.

Lucien: As your program consultant, I have a right to share them with you.

3. Mood: Angry

MC: The program I painstakingly prepared ended up getting rejected. Sometimes, I feel as though I’m walking in a wasteland by myself, without an end in sight, and without direction.

Lucien: But didn’t you gain some experience from this trial?

Lucien: Perhaps if you glance back,

Lucien: You’ll see that you have carved your own path in the wasteland.

💜

[ LIFE - Topic 1: Losing Weight ]

1. Mood: Happy

MC: During the physical examination, I realised that I’ve lost weight! Looks like it won’t be long before I can fit into the skirt I’ve been admiring for a while~

Lucien: Is it the one you sent me a picture of before?

Lucien: Actually, I think you’ll look very nice in it even now.

Lucien: I hope to be the first person to see you wearing it.

2. Mood: Upset

MC: I ate a bowl of rice again today! No matter what, I can’t eat like this from tomorrow onwards!

Lucien: But I think you look very cute when you eat.

Lucien: And it gives people an appetite.

Lucien: Instead of eating one less bowl of rice, we could go on more walks. What do you think?

3. Mood: Angry

MC: Recently, I find that my pants have become tighter whenever I wear them! This can’t go on - my weight loss plan shall begin today!

Lucien: Why don’t I find any differences in the way you look from before?

Lucien: But if you really mind, I have a few more scientific methods.

Lucien: Over the weekend, we can ride bicycles in the park. What do you think?

[ LIFE - Topic 2: Meals ]

1. Mood: Happy

MC: Today, I tried making a few popular internet dishes. When I brought them to the office, everyone who ate them said they were good! Should I consider a side occupation?

Lucien: This question stumps me.

Lucien: After all, I didn’t get to eat them.

2. Mood: Upset

MC: I didn’t expect to have one more thing to fret over -- What should I eat tonight? Help me make a decision quickly!

Lucien: Could I understand this as an invitation to have dinner with me?

Lucien: Although I haven’t decided, we could walk around the supermarket later.

Lucien: By then, we might fret over having too many choices instead.

3. Mood: Angry

MC: I originally wanted to make a dish which is popular on the internet. In the end... I’m looking for cup noodles.

Lucien: What a coincidence. I also did cooking today.

Lucien: I made a few dishes, and I can’t finish them on my own.

Lucien: Perhaps MC could share them with me?

[ LIFE - Topic 3: Reading ]

1. Mood: Happy

MC: I’ve finally finished reading the book you recommended! It benefitted me very much, and I think I understand you a little better~

Lucien: Is that so? I’ve also finished reading the book you recommended.

Lucien: But I think I’ve become a little more curious about you.

Lucien: Perhaps we could spare some time to interact for a while.

2. Mood: Upset

MC: I still have a stack of unread books, but I couldn’t help but buy new ones. I feel a little guilty...

Lucien: But buying these books is a form of support to the authors and the bookstore.

Lucien: If you look at it this way, perhaps your sense of guilt would be lessened?

Lucien: Or we could visit the library one day.

Lucien: I heard that if you read with someone you care about, your reading efficiency will increase slightly.

3. Mood: Angry

MC: I recently read a book, and it’s too obscure and difficult to understand! I feel a blow to my IQ. Although I really want to give up, I have to finish it because of work...

Lucien: Hearing your description, I’m quite interested in it.

Lucien: Could you tell me which book it is?

Lucien: If you read it with me, you might be more motivated.

[ LIFE - Topic 4: Games ]

1. Mood: Happy

MC: Today, I played a game I bought, and realised that it’s really fun! Without realising it, a whole afternoon went by.

Lucien: Hearing you say that, I’m slightly stirred.

Lucien: I wonder if this game has a multiplayer option?

2. Mood: Upset

MC: Someone recommended a game to me. I hope it can bring some amusement to my life.

Lucien: Games are indeed a good way to relax.

Lucien: But it isn’t the only way to bring amusement.

Lucien: If you’re interested, we can try the other ways.

3. Mood: Angry

MC: Do you remember that game I told you about the last time? I was one step away from passing the stage! I just can’t get through it. It’s frustrating me!

Lucien: Don’t be frantic, take your time.

Lucien: Although I haven’t played it, my ability to learn isn’t bad.

Lucien: Perhaps I could give it a try?

💜

[ SCHOOL - Topic 1: Progress ]

1. Mood: Happy

MC: I set a small target for myself - this week, I’m definitely going to finish reading through these materials!

Lucien: To encourage you to reach this target quickly, I’ll give you a small reward once you’re done.

Lucien: For now, I won’t tell you what it is. But I’m guessing you’ll definitely like it.

2. Mood: Upset

MC: I’ve been sitting in front of my desk and reading, but my efficiency is very low. I can’t help but yawn sleepily.

Lucien: Instead of increasing the amount of time spent studying, what’s more important is optimising the time.

Lucien: Ample rest can allow the brain to relax.

Lucien: For example, by talking to me?

3. Mood: Angry

MC: I’ve been reading for an entire afternoon, but nothing goes in. My mind is filled with a lot of nonsensical things. An afternoon has been wasted just like that...

Lucien: It’s normal to face a bottleneck during your studies.

Lucien: If you meet with any problems, you can talk to me about them.

Lucien: Whether it’s about studies or anything else, I’m very willing to be your confidante.

[ SCHOOL - Topic 2: Homework ]

1. Mood: Happy

MC: In less than an afternoon, I’ve finished all my homework! And the level of accuracy is very high! Has Professor Lucien handed down his knowledge to me~

Lucien: In contrast, I think the pupil has surpassed the master.

Lucien: Since you’re done with your homework, can we fulfil your promise of visiting the art gallery with me?

2. Mood: Upset

MC: Just thinking about homework causes me to heave a huge sigh. You’ve never been vexed about such things, have you??

Lucien: From what I remember, I haven’t.

Lucien: Maybe it’s because I’ve never viewed them as a burden, but as a type of joy.

Lucien: Instead of thinking about what is lost, focus more on what you can gain.

3. Mood: Angry

MC: My table is full of homework. I wonder if I’ll only be able to complete them next year!

Lucien: Homework is meant to consolidate and expand what you’ve learnt.

Lucien: Do them selectively. A stitch in time saves nine.

Lucien: If you don’t know which questions to select, I could help you take a look?

[ SCHOOL - Topic 3: Pre-exam Revision ]

1. Mood: Happy

MC: I did a serious revision for this exam, and gleaned a new understanding of many learning points. I think my results will be pretty good!

Lucien: In contrast, I’ve always been confident.

Lucien: I’ve seen all the hard work you’ve put in during this period.

Lucien: Persevere for a little longer, and believe you’ll definitely obtain your ideal results in the end.

2. Mood: Upset

MC: Why do I find it more difficult to remember learning points the closer it is to the exam? I’m starting to wonder if I’ve already entered old age.

Lucien: From your appearance, you shouldn’t have?

Lucien: I’m just kidding. Actually, there are many things influencing one’s memory. It has a definite connection to the amount of work and rest you have.

Lucien: So promise me that you won’t stay up late again tonight.

3. Mood: Angry

MC: The first round of revision... The second round of revision... When will this come to an end!

Lucien: Perhaps you could view them as small targets.

Lucien: Each time you complete a target, you can give yourself a small reward.

Lucien: This way, you’ll give yourself more motivation to complete the next target. What do you think?

[ SCHOOL - Topic 4: Post-exam celebration ]

1. Mood: Happy

MC: The exam is finally over!! I’m going to watch a movie, have a feast, play games, go shopping...

Lucien: You’ve put in a lot of hard work during this period.

Lucien: But instead of these things, I hope you can get a proper rest.

Lucien: When your energy and vigour have returned, it wouldn’t be too late to do these things.

2. Mood: Upset

MC: The exam is over, but I’m not as happy as I expected. My heart feels empty...

Lucien: You’ve already given it your all, haven’t you?

Lucien: And in this process, you’ve gleaned a lot.

Lucien: If you think of it this way, you won’t have any regrets no matter what the final result is.

3. Mood: Angry

MC: The exam results are out, and they are slightly less than what I expected. I’m not very satisfied with the results, but I don’t think I have the time nor patience to re-take the exam again...

Lucien: If you aren’t sure of which step you should take next, why don’t you relax your mind, or do something else.

Lucien: At some point, there will be an answer to all your troubles.

Lucien: No matter what your choice is, I will be by your side, and will face it together with you.

#mlqc #mlqc cn #mlqc spoilers #mlqc lucien

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goblinmanifesto · 3 years

Text

Ive already accidentally deleted this once so fucking kill me (I forgot to save it).

⚠️TW FOR ANXIETY, TOURETTES, SLIGHT SELF HARM⚠️

But this is my post for @doinmybesthere Mental Health Awareness May collab! I will be doing Bokuto Koutarou. To explain a bit, to cope with bullshit that is life, I accidentally made myself a coping mechanism that I loving refer to as the ‘Klaus Hargreeves‘ (if you know anything about that character, you already know where my mental state is) because I can’t remember what my therapist said the actual name for it was. To put it simply, it’s like overactive day dreaming. I act out and create scenarios in my head to comfort myself, most of the time using characters or real people as an enabler for the comfort I wish to gain. Side effects being; if caught, considered crazy, sometimes don’t realize I’m doing it which can lead to awkward situations, sometimes I fuck up what’s real and what’s not. So, in these little stories, I will be retelling scenarios I have created through this coping mechanism that relate to both Bokuto and my mental problems! Each will be labeled with what they deal with so you can skip the one that might trigger you. Enjoy and happy reading! (I WILL ALSO BE MENTIONING AND USING STIMMING) ((I will probably use this to make other fics like this in the future mentioning my other ~stuff~ but in the meantime this is all I want to do so enjoy!))

⚠️LAST TW⚠️

1. ~Anxiety, Self harm, Mentions of Stimming~ He should’ve been home an hour ago! I was pacing in the living room, shaking hands holding my phone. It was 7:13 and Koutarou was supposed to be home at 6:00. I was spiraling and I could feel it, but I didn't know what to do about it. Id sent him text after text, but he was yet to respond. I glanced at my cell, only stopping my frantic shuffling to focus my attention on reading the screen;

Hey, is practice running late? [6:11] When do you think you’ll be home? [6:15] Are you there? [6:19] Koutarou??????? [6:23] Kou pick up your damn phone! [6:27] Did something happen???!! [6:34] Is everything okay?! [6:39] Are you mad or something??? [6:47] Bokuto Koutarou I’m dead serious where are you?!?!?! [6:53] Bo-ku-to!!!! [6:59] Koutarou it’s been hour please text me [7:07] Koutarou!!! [7:12] -Unread-

My eyes scanned the messages again, not leaving the blue screen until until my shin collided with the side of the coffee table. I hadn’t even realized I had started pacing again. I checked the texts I had sent to Akaashi as well, since I knew he was at that practice too, but I hadn’t gotten any responses from him either. Slipping my phone screen up onto the table I continued my pacing, not even processing when my finger nails found their way under my teeth, and how when they left my mouth to scratch at my neck or claw at my shirt, my teeth resorted to gnawing at my lip instead, tearing up the thin skin. All habits I was trying to kill but didn’t have enough brain power to focus on not doing them. My eyes constantly searched the driveway for the headlights of any car, any car at all, but they always came up with nothing. It was 7:24 when my phone struck with the sound of text, the bing of anticipation sent me diving for, and consequently almost dropping, my phone in an attempt to find out if it was Koutarou. It was!

-Read-

Im so sorry!! Yes practice did end up running late! But something else happened and I

wasn’t able to text you! I’m not mad about

anything I promise!! What happened is also

minor and nothing to worry about and I’ll explain when I get home in about ten

[7:21] minutes!! I’m so sorry!! -Read-

I sighed, relieved, the weight on my chest and in my head dissolved and I felt like I could finally breathe again. Though, as I came down from my anxiety rush, I became aware of a lot of things all at once. The first was a good deal of pain. From knocking my leg into a table and pacing for over an hour, to bitten lips and nails, and my scraped neck. I groaned, I need to get a better handle on this.

But that wasnt important. Koutarou was okay and on his way home! I waited at the window, feeling a bit like a dog waiting on its owner (that was a kink joke yes), and leaped to the front door when I saw his car in the driveway. Throwing open the door, I pulled him inside the second I could get my hands on him and pulled him through the doorway. The moment he was inside, I shoved myself into his arms in a tight hug, so glad he was okay. He returned the hug and held me tightly, I let out a shuddering breathe and he let out comforting sounds I sometimes use to stim. “Hey, hey, hey, I’m so sorry to have you worry, it was about Akaashi! We were running extra practice with a handful of the other guys and I literally had half a text to you written out when he a spike to the face! I was the only one left with a car so I drove him to hospital! I’m so sorry you are so worried you sent like 15 texts! I’m so-“ I cut him short with a hand over his mouth since that was one of the only ways to get him to stop talking. “Kou, it’s okay, I understand, it just really scared me ‘is all-“ he pried my hand off his face but held it in his own.

”I know, but that doesn’t mean I can’t apologize for it, whether I was in complete control of the situation or not! Which I was not, by the way, no control what-so-fucking-ever, I had four other guys in the car and one of them was bleeding and concussed, it was chaos!!” His eyes were wide and he went off on the stress of the situation and, for a moment, I forgot that it was 7:26 at night on a Thursday and I had a biology test in the morning, and that Koutarou just got home and I hadn’t even eaten yet and all the other things that werent right in the world. Everything was fine in that moment. But that ended when Koutarou took a good hard look at me. The redness and scratch marks on my neck, the bitten to bleeding finger nails, the small bruise forming on my shin, my blotchy face and my probably-way-too-red lips. He stopped dead in his words and I felt my eyebrows scrunch up.

“Whats wrong?-“

“You did the things again didn’t you?!” He sounded distressed and his broad shoulders sunk. Koutarous hands rubbed my shoulders as he stared into my eyes with the most concerned look I’d ever seen. He pulled me back to his chest again and promised it wouldn’t happen again.

7:46, Koutarou insisted on taking care of my ‘injuries’ since he was who I was having anxiety over anyway. I protested a little, but gave up when he gave me the baby-owl eyes.

First, he had wrapped bandaids on my fingers. Thankfully, they were black, and I made a comment on it was like a 2-second manicure just to hear him chuckle.

Then, Kou applied a moisturizer to my neck. “Kou, I can do this myself-“

”Nope! I insist!”

”I’m not a child-“

”Don’t care, I’m doing it so just shush up and let me do what I need to do!”

Next, he made me apply ice to my bruise even though it was tiny and caused by a damn two-foot-tall coffee table.

Lastly, he gave me chapstick. Again, wouldn’t let me do it myself, so I made several sarcastic remarks to make him blush, all working quite well. Koutarou had to tell me to stop giggling multiple times so I could stay still.

”Alright, are you done playing nurse?”

”Forgive me for wanting to take care of you!!” He stuck his tongue out at me with an audible “bleh!” and I cackled.

”You are forgiven, Nurse Bokuto.”

2. ~Tourette’s, Stimming~ My neck painfully popped when it jerked to the left, my tics had been bad all day and I no clue why. Could be exams, or the fucking toaster for all I knew. I hissed, rubbing at my neck and adjusting the water can I almost dropped, trying to continue about my Saturday.

It was obnoxious, really, having to me-proof everything around in case I end up kicking it, dropping it, or hitting it. My joints constantly cracking and snapping and jolting in the strangest ways at any given moment. Sometimes repeating what people say back at them in perfect mirror-like fashion. Though that last one can be kind of funny.

Clicking my toungue to make nice noises to try and stim the tic away, I returned back to my plants. I could feel them chuckling at me and, in that moment, I understood everything about Crowley from ‘Good Omens’.

I heard the door unlock in the other room and I put my can down as a precaution and peeked out of the doorway.

A moment later, Koutarou popped through the door after his morning jog. He called out; “Hey, hey, hey!” as a greeting.

I felt my hands go up behind my head and I thought Oh gods dammit, and then my jaw jutted forward in a very unattractive way and I repeated his phrase in the same manner as him, then immediately dropped, as my body decreed.

I groaned, looking up at him, who looked slightly bewildered at my little madness ritual. His hair laid flat on his head, he had chosen not to mess with it this morning, much to my delight, his amber eyes a little wide and his eyebrows raised. He was barely even in the house yet.

We just kind of stared at each other for a hot second before I awkwardly waved ‘hello’ and cracked a weird grin. He grinned back, his more pleasant than mine. Walking over, he opened his arms for a hug, and I accepted, since he wasn’t all that sweaty this time around, and it was the least I could do since he had to witness that.

Koutarou planted a kiss on the top of my head, cheering “Good morning!”

I muttered a response into his shirt.

“One of those days, huh?” I nodded.

“Coffee? I think we have muffins in the cabinet?” I nodded again and he lead me into the kitchen to set up some breakfast. It was 9:00 am on a Saturday after all. A weird Saturday, but watching Koutarou finagle through the cabinets, it couldn’t be that bad.

That is all for now! Have a wonderful day and I am going to sleep for three years see y’all (edited: June 18 2021, because I can’t spell)

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slitherofgold · 4 years

Text

Temptations- Sam Fender Smut

Sam didn't like to brag but he always lived showing you off. Whether you were dressed to the nines for a fancy outing, or chilling in a baggy hoody for your daily shop, Sam loved making people aware you were his.

It was Saturday night, and you and a group of friends (including Sam) had decided to go out for much needed drinks. You were looking forward to it all week, planning out outfits with your best friend and talking about how much of a laugh it was going to be. Then, the long-awaited night came. You dolled yourself up, sporting a little red number. You were just applying some perfume when you heard a wolf whistle sound from the doorway. Sam stood, leaning against the door with his arms crossed, a smug grin played across his face as his eyes roamed your body. "Someones looking rather sexy tonight." you bowed jokingly. "As always", you retorted. He pushed off of the door-frame, smirk still in place, and walked towards you. He too, looked rather sexy. His hair perfectly messy and the scent of his cologne lingered in the air. He embraced you tightly, seemingly innocent until his hands roamed down to your ass. You wanted him right there. His touch. His scent. The feel of his toned chest right under your palms. All of it was too much, and if it wasn't for the fact that the two of you were already late, you would've wasted no time at all to slip back out of your dress and under the sheets. Sam knew the feeling, which was evident by the hardness prodding into you. You internally moaned, controlling yourself just this once. You teasingly brushed over the bulge, eliciting a groan from Sam, and reached up to whisper in his ear. "Later", was all you said, before turning away, grabbing your coat, and strutting out the door, Sam closely following behind, almost in awe. When you got to the bar, your friends greeted the two of you with hugs and smiles. The cab ride had been painful, the tension so thick you could've cut it with a knife. Thankfully, Sam's hard little problem had slowly gone down throughout the car ride, and you almost felt guilty for leaving him dry. But the both of you knew that you'd make it up to him later in the night. Your friends didn't suspect a thing as Sam bought the first round, mischief still gleaming in his eyes.5 shots later, and you were already starting to lose yourself. The room blurred around you and you tried not to stumble as you walked. Your friends laughed as you tried to persuade everyone how sober you were, knowing full well that you were a bit of a lightweight. "If Sam wasn't here to save you, you would've face planted the floor multiple times tonight", your friend laughed. It was true, but you were way too stubborn to admit it. It didn't help that you could barely walk in heels either. Sam pressed a kiss to your forehead. “I’m just gonna go outside for a ciggy with the lads.” You smiled and nodded, still in your own little blurry world. Suddenly you got the very strong urge to pee. You mumbled to your friend where you were going, and she giggled at the nonsense you were rambling. Eventually getting the gist of what you were saying, she nodded, saying she was going to look after the bags, leaving you to stumble your own way to the bathroom. Thankfully the bar wasn’t busy, and you were relieved to see a free stall. After finishing your business and tidying yourself up in the bathroom mirrors you headed on out, only to bump into a hard chest. “Sorry”, you said as you tried to squeeze past the man. “Don’t worry doll, no harm done,” he reeked of cheap cider and gave you a smile. Despite being tipsy, you knew how uneasy the stranger made you feel, and made to move past him before anything more could happen. Thankfully, you escaped past, not without him harshly squeezing your ass. You raged internally, half tempted to turn around and slap the living daylights outta him. But instead, you plucked up the courage and carried on walking, not glancing back and shaking with fury. You felt sick, annoyed with yourself for not wanting to cause a scene, and sick from his harsh, callused hands. “You were ages”, your friend said as you returned back to the bar. Sam and the others had also returned, their faces pink from the cold outside air, and the faint smell of smoke lingered around them. She reached over and grabbed your hand, gaining your attention before anyone else would notice the difference in you. “Are you alright?” She asked earnestly, her eyes filled with concern. “Yeah, my brains a bit fuzzy is all”. You laughed it off, and your friend dismissed the matter, still not believing you. You turned your attention back to the lads and caught Sam’s gaze. You got up from your seat and stalked over to him, a lazy smile on your face. He didn’t return the look. Instead he held a look of concern too. Sometimes you wished Sam didn’t have the same ability as your friend, the ability to spot the slight changes in your mood. You slithered onto his lap and loosely wrapped your arms around his neck. “What’s wrong?”, He murmured. “Nothing”, you said, almost defensively. “We both know that’s a lie y/n.” You sighed almost defiantly, knowing that you could never keep anything from him. “You see that guy over there”, you mumbled under your breath. You still didn’t wanna draw any attention to the matter, and you certainly didn’t want to ruin the night for your friends. Sam followed your gaze to the pervert sitting alone, cider in hand. Sam had noticed him glancing at you since you had returned from the bathroom, but he had thought nothing of it. The silence from Sam urged you on. “Well, he grabbed my ass on my way over here. And I don’t know, it just made me feel…made me feel weak for letting someone belittle me like that, ya know”. Sam slowly processed the information, his rage building by the second. “Sam please don’t make a scene, it’s fine. Let’s just enjoy the night.” You tried reassuring him. You gave him a weary smile and slowly got off of his lap. Sam heaved a sigh and the two of you forgot the matter, at least you thought you both did. Half an hour later, after having a few more laughs with your mates, Sam interrupted. “Guys, I think it’s best if me and y/n head out. We have an early start tomorrow”. You looked at Sam quizzically, knowing full well that you had nothing planned. Unsure and still slightly curious you played along, feeling bad for heading out early. You left the bar with a wink and a hug from your friend, and a few innuendos from the others. They obviously thought Sam was backing out because he was desperate for a shag. I mean they weren’t wrong, you had both been desperate all night, but you had seen something else in Sam’s eyes before you headed out. Something almost angry. You got in the back of the cab, eager to get home. Sam was about to slide in next to you when he realized something. “Oh shit, I think I forgot my wallet. I’ll be back in a minute, wait here.” You thought nothing of it. Until one minute passed to five minutes, and five minutes soon passed to ten. You were about to go back inside, fed up of small talk with the taxi driver, when someone came rushing out. It was the pervert from earlier, holding his nose. You looked closely and saw blood dripping from his hands. Blood that was gushing out of his nose. He looked up and met your gaze. His eyes widened and rushed down the road, still holding his nose in pain. What the fuck, you thought. Then Sam came out, straightening his jacket. “Y/n”, he said surprised. “I thought you were waiting in the cab”. You crossed your arms and raised an eyebrow. His knuckles were bruised, and a drop of blood was splattered on his top. “What took you so long?” You asked, knowing full well what had occurred. “Just got caught up in another conversation with the boys”, he said, sticking his hands back into his pockets. “Come on, let’s go home, it’s freezing out here.” You let him lead you back into the cab, even more turned on then before. He had dragged you into the taxi because he didn’t want you to see him angry. He didn’t want you to be caught in that scene. He didn’t want you to see him lose control. But that guy deserved what was coming. You suppressed a grin. The two of you got back into the cab, the tension thick once more. Sam seemed different. He seemed more relaxed than earlier, almost as if a weight had been lifted, but there was still an edge to him. Almost as if he was still buzzing off of the adrenaline. You looked out the window, watching the cars blur past in the darkness. With your eyes still fixed on the outside world, you placed your hand on Sam’s leg. In the corner of your eyes, you could see Sam smirk. You slowly started rubbing your hand up and down it, etching higher each time. Sam tensed and you smiled. You loved having this effect on him. The taxi soon arrived home, after what felt like an eternity. It had taken every inch of your will to stop you from taking him right there in cab, but you thought the cab driver wouldn’t appreciate that, and would probably be quite traumatised to witness the two of you unleashing onto each other, right there on the back seats. The two of you stumbled through the front door, your lips already smashing against each other. Sam’s hands roamed eagerly, desperate for every inch of you. You moaned into his kiss, as his bulge pressed into you, his touch causing your heart to race. His hands grabbed your ass. You jumped up, wrapping your legs around his waist, your back pressed hard against the wall. “Only I can touch you like this.”, Sam mumbled against your neck, as he slowly teased your neck with kisses. He lightly nipped at your sweet spot and you arched your back in response. You began tearing at each other’s clothes. Soon Sam’s jacket and top were off, and you were left in nothing but your lace underwear. Sam’s kisses trailed down, down the valley between your breasts and along your stomach. Each kiss left Goosebumps in its wake, making you feel like electricity. Sam looked up at you with his big blue eyes, filled with a lust you couldn’t describe. He gently pulled down your underwear, leaving you exposed against the wall. But you didn’t mind, in fact you didn’t feel vulnerable at all. You felt free and alive whenever you were like this with Sam. He placed warm kisses between your thighs, eliciting an impatient moan from your lips. He laughed and gave in to your very desire, his tongue working wonders. You pulled on his hair, the only thing stopping your knees from buckling as you soon reached your climax. Sam stood up, facing you, a smug grin spread across his face. Before you could wonder why, he swooped you up and carried you to the bedroom, and placed you gently down onto the bed. “I’m gonna make you moan so loud that no one will ever touch like that again”, he whispered huskily against your ear. “So everyone knows you’re mine. And I am yours.” You couldn’t wait any longer, you pulled down his boxers, releasing his very proud length. He looked up at you and quirked an eyebrow, obviously amused at your eagerness. You rolled your eyes at him, before grabbing his neck and kissing him hard. You traced your fingers teasingly along Sam’s dick, causing him to moan into your mouth. You then got hold of it and led it to your entrance, not wanting to wait any longer. Without a second thought, Sam thrusted into you, making you cry out his name in pleasure. It felt like pure ecstasy. Having him here like this. Just a tangle of sweaty limbs and moans, giving into the temptations you both desperately craved. Your nails scratched down his back and dug deep into his shoulders as he fucked you harder, your name a moan on his lips. Soon you finished a second time, your release barrelling down you in pure pleasure. Sam soon finished after, filling you with satisfaction and the urge for round two. He collapsed next to you, panting hard. You too, needed time to catch your breath and recover as you felt the beads of sweat roll down your face. You propped yourself up onto your elbow and looked at Sam, and began tracing small circles on his chest. “I love you”, you said, not daring to make eye contact as you said it. Sam grabbed you hand and placed it to his lips, gaining your attention. You had forgotten about his bruised knuckles and wanted to kiss the pain away, guilty for what had happened, even though it wasn’t your fault. He kissed your hand tentatively and mumbled against it, “I love you”. You smiled and placed your head on his chest, happy that you had Sam to stand by you through everything. As you closed your eyes out of exhaustion, Sam’s voice filled the silence. “So round two?”, he joked. Your eyes shot back open.

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Hey all, it’s been a while so I thought I’d bring out something juicy ;) Honestly, I feel like I’m so bad at writing smut, I’m too innocent for this shit lol, but I hope you guys like it. Message me for any requests or queries.

Stay safe everyone, sending my love <3 :)

#sam fender #sam fender imagines #sam fender x reader #Smut #fluff #lol #imagines #x reader

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destroyyourbinder · 5 years

Link

I want to thank Jacob for his enormous bravery in speaking out publicly about how the “puberty blocker” (GnRH agonist) protocol and the medicalization of his identity affected him as a struggling trans teenager.

I want to note before I share the article that stories like Jacob’s are being politicized by groups like Mermaids (the primary transgender child lobbying organization in the UK) to claim that while "blockers” are “safe” and “reversible” and ought to be immediately provided to trans children who are beginning puberty, that any problems with GnRH agonists indicates that clinicians should begin cross-sex hormone treatment early. Organizations such as Mermaids and various other groups in the US frequently claim that there ought to be no formal lower age bound for the initiation of cross-sex HRT (i.e. testosterone for female children, estrogen and an anti-androgen drug for male children) and Johanna Olson-Kennedy (a pediatric gender “expert” and head of the gender clinic at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles) advocates regularly for female children to receive testosterone at twelve and has possibly given children as young as 8 testosterone treatment. So in sharing this kid’s story, I want to be careful, since there is a real danger that exposing the harms of using GnRH agonists such as Lupron on gender-variant children will lead to a change in strategy where these children are merely dosed early with cross-sex hormones, a protocol that to my knowledge that we have zero long-term data on. (Children are given GnRH agonists as a means to halt precocious puberty, and in fact, these drugs are approved for this purpose, so we have some data on their effects already. As far as I know, there has been no previous medical reason to give female children testosterone or male children anti-androgens and estrogen.) The article is behind a paywall but I am transcribing it here: Puberty blocking drugs: ‘For the past four years I’ve been stuck as a child’ Jacob has just turned 16 and for the past four years the teenager’s body has been put on pause. He has been on hormone blockers to stop puberty while he decides how far he is willing to go to become a transgender man.

He claims that taking blockers was “the worst decision I’ve ever made”.

Jacob was born a girl but felt unhappy with his gender. “I always felt so weak and pathetic and inferior to the men.” He started using the male pronoun and imagined himself growing up and “dating a woman”.

When Jacob became one of thousands of young adolescents to be referred for puberty blockers by the NHS’s main gender clinic for children he was delighted. “It was sold to me as a miracle cure for being trans,” he claimed. He told another trans school friend about them, who started requesting blockers too.

Hormone blockers are only licensed in Britain to delay the onset of puberty for children suffering “precocious puberty” — that is, those who start developing abnormally early before the age of eight or nine.

However, their use is promoted by the transgender campaign group Mermaids as a way of giving young people “a pause button” while deciding whether to graduate to the irreversible, cross-sex hormones that will trigger the life-changing, fertility-reducing jump from one gender to another, once they reach 16. The vast majority of children who begin blockers go on to take that step.

Blockers are physically reversible, insofar as puberty will eventually restart once someone stops taking them. But no one — not even the directors of the country’s leading gender clinic, the Tavistock’s Gender Identity Development Service [GIDS] — knows their long-term impact, for example, on the teenage brain.

After just a few consultations at the Tavistock, Jacob was referred to the endocrinology clinic at University College London Hospitals [UCLH]. He claimed the clinic did not consider his background, such as the trauma of a sexual assault at primary school, or his parents’ difficult divorce. He and his mother were soon making regular visits to London from their small village in the west of England for the injections.

“They promise you that your breasts will disappear, that your voice will be deeper, that I would look and sound more like a boy. For me, that was the best thing that could have happened,” he said.

Only, Jacob found that wasn’t what happened at all. Far from becoming one of the lads, as he’d hoped, he felt even more alienated from them as their physiques changed and Jacob’s remained the same.

“At school, other people were maturing into adults. The guys I grew up with were growing hair and growing up. For someone who’s trying to fit in as a boy, that’s not what you want.” Jacob had always been the tallest among his friends. Now he was the shortest. When his little brother overtook him in height and strength, he found it too upsetting to be in the same room as him. “My little brother is 18 months younger and now he has completely outgrown me. I go to school and I feel like other people are developing and I still feel like a child,” he said. Jacob also claims he was not warned about the side-effects of the drugs. These have included insomnia, exhaustion, fatigue, low moods, rapid weight gain which caused his skin to become covered with angry, itchy stretch marks, and a reduction in bone density. “I’d never broken a bone before [taking puberty blockers],” he says. “I’ve since broken four bones.” “I stubbed my toe, it broke. I fell over, my wrist broke. Same with my elbow.” As he took the blockers, Jacob’s mother watched her child become even more introverted and body-conscious. “The blockers contributed more to the self-image problems that were already there,” she said. Jacob found it increasingly difficult to concentrate on schoolwork. If sitting GSCEs is hard enough with raging hormones, it’s even harder without them, he said. “I’m someone with the developing mind of a 12-year-old who’s doing exams designed for a 16-year-old.”

He added: “The worst part was probably the depression. There were moments when I wanted everything to stop. Weight gain and depression — for someone who is already self-conscious about their body, that’s a lethal combination.” Clinicians who resigned from GIDS for ethical reasons said one of their main concerns was that young people were being sent down a medical pathway without proper exploration of the possibility they may simply be gay. Jacob is no closer to understanding who he may be attracted to at 16 as he was at 12. “My friends are all talking about having sex and girlfriends, and going to prom... but I’ve never had a crush. I’ve never felt sexual attraction to anyone. I feel so out of place.” In hindsight, Jacob finds it surprising how little his background — and the reasons why he didn’t want to be a girl — were discussed before being referred for treatment. “They didn’t even look at my history or trauma,” claimed Jacob. “They sent a child whose circumstances and feelings they didn’t understand [for hormone treatment].” Jacob is speaking out about his experience to warn other transgender youngsters to think twice before starting blockers. “I was sold a miracle cure. They promised happiness with little evidence behind it. Then four years in, you realise, oh my God, I’ve no idea about the long-term effects.“

“They asked a 12-year-old to make a decision an adult would struggle with.” “It was like, ‘here are the drugs’ and off we went. It’s a ridiculous process. It’s not gone the way they told me it was going to go.”

Mermaids, the transgender lobby group, claims that puberty blockers are safe and “completely reversible” and that not giving them to youngsters who request them can be more damaging than prescribing them.

Gendered Intelligence, another trans campaign group, claims on its website that hormone blockers give children “breathing space to ensure that they are sure about the permanent effects of cross-sex hormones, without the adverse effects of an incorrect puberty.” Jacob is scathing about such claims. “Breathing space! It really isn’t. I’ve not had any space to breathe the last four years.“

“They sell it to you as a break from feeling like a girl, and that’s fine for the first few months but as soon as everyone else around you starts developing it becomes ‘spot the transgender kid’, which is so easy because you’re stuck as a child.“

“If anything, I’ve been more depressed than before. My thyroid is messed up. I’m hungry all the time. I have no idea how my breast tissue will develop.” He claimed: “They push and push you on to this one-way train you’re not allowed off.” Asked whether it was misleading to promote puberty blockers as a “pause button”, a spokesman for Mermaids said: “Mermaids cannot comment on clinical cases as we are not involved in any individuals’ medical pathways.” “We offer young people and their families information, support and access to others in similar circumstances.” Gendered Intelligence declined to respond. Jacob claims the main focus of his treatment at the Tavistock was on the milestones of transition — “how far you’re willing to go” — rather than discussion of the consequences.

He claims: “My Tavistock worker was saying to me, ‘once you have the testosterone, you’ll be a boy’. “But it shouldn’t be about milestones. Being trans is how you think; it should not be about how far down the line you’re will to go.” A spokesman for Tavistock said: “All young people considering the puberty blocker or cross-sex hormones are repeatedly made aware of the known potential impacts of these medical interventions... as well as the areas of impact that remain to some extent unknown.“

“The information that we give patients about the blockers makes it clear that they may get tired and experience low mood. We explain to young people that hormones give us energy and drive, not just our sex drive but our overall ‘get up and go’. “We also emphasised to them routinely that while on the blocker they would stay early puberty whilst their peers developed. This is a routine part of the discussion.“

“In the end the decision to go on blockers is a balancing act weighing up these factors against the perceived distress of undergoing puberty in the ‘wrong’ gender and developing unwanted and potential hard to change secondary sexual characteristics.” Jacob decided to come off the drugs on turning 16. He began to feel the benefits almost overnight. “I grew taller, I lost weight, I felt livelier. It was like getting the poison out of my system,” he said. He will now wait until reaching 18 before making any big decisions.“I’m just fed up with all of it. I’ve felt like a guinea pig from day one. [Blockers] only made my life more complicated and it was pretty complicated already.” He added: “I’ll be 18 in two years, but for the past four years I’ve been stuck as a child. Blockers took away the chance I had to grow up with other kids. Now I want to give my body a break.”

#medical47 #risks01

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a-lil-perspective · 4 years

Text

Hunter x Reader

A/N: What nobody asked for. I didn’t think a title would be appropriate for this particular piece of work. It really doesn’t coincide with any Star Wars themes, save for everybody’s favorite Sergeant making his debut within. It’s more of a Lil perspective. (Lol I’m sorry my last two brain cells have no sense of humor) For context: I have been absolutely suffocating lately, in every sense of the word. It’s almost indescribably oppressive, so I wrote this in desperately seeking comfort and therapy. Just a fragmented depiction, addresses underlying mental health issues and sensory disorders—in carrying my own subtle semblance of it, I love exploring those complexities with Hunter. It turns out soft. I think. Also, if you squint hard enough, you will see some song lyrics scattered throughout the fic in the form of thoughts. I wrote this in the format of Reader, though it’s practically a self-insert, I’m just not brave enough for those particular pronouns. :) Sorry in advance if this doesn’t apply to you...

▫️▪️▫️▪️▫️▪️▫️▪️▫️▪️▫️▪️▫️▪️▫️▪️▫️▪️

Isn’t anyone trying to find me... Won’t somebody come take me home...

The silence was prodding. Hunter’s gaze darted to your tense form numerous times over the span of several painfully long, anticipating minutes. Each time, your lips remained pulled into a tight line while your extremities fidgeted in repetition. Agitation hung thick in the air. A terse statement of Y/N’s mystics echoed off the walls, to no-one in particular.

“I think... I’ve been gone for a long time.”

Hunter’s eyes incredulously searched you. “What do you mean?”

You see me standing, but I’m dying on the floor...

Your fists reflexively clench in grabbing at any semblance of weight to prevent your form from being dragged down into the mental abyss. You could feel it’s foreboding pull. It’s impending chaos.

It’s coming.

“Talk to me, Y/N...”

Your grip slackens, and you slip right over the edge. Hunter is too late to grab you.

I only want to die alive...

Your broken, unbridled guttural cries in response to the months of overwhelming emotional suppression caused Hunter to wince, and his own sensory receptors gain enough momentum to inwardly complain. He instinctively stuffs it down before kicking into action.

“Hey, Y/N, I’m here—”

Electric. The touch. His touch. It pricked, and the very fine hairs adorning the skin along your arms instantly retaliated to the calloused padding of Hunter’s fingertips caressing. It exacerbated your state of distress and just like that, your neurons overloaded. Sharp, stale air seeped in between your grit teeth and inhalation of insecurity.

Your sudden intake of breath and harsh flinch caused Hunter to cease in brushing up and down the outer region of your upper arms. His eyes narrowed slightly and quickly picked apart your stance. It greeted him like an old adversary with the remnants of a longstanding history, and a discomfiture swirled around Hunter at it’s painful familiarity.

“I can’t do this...” You breathe out despair.

The existing in general? The physical connection itself?

The latter wasn’t your fault. But it sure as hell felt like it. It certainly wasn’t his fault. Thankfully, somehow, the glint in Hunter’s shifting irises reassured you that he was privy to your suffering, to some degree; he knew. He understood.

Of course he did.

For who to better understand heightened tactile sensitivity than Sergeant Hunter of Clone Force 99? He was neither confounded nor dissuaded by your particularity in the slightest.

It had always been an inherence of yours; a rather obnoxious caricature within the conundrum, some obscure accessory buried in your already heavily packed bags. An extra ingredient that completely screwed up the recipe. Constituted as awkward, plain and simple; the dramatized detail never became easier to address with age, and the thick lump of disdain in your throat only grew.

You set your jaw in frustration. How to even begin picking up and putting together the pieces of a person who’s constantly missing one, or several. You were never satiated, equanimity never extended it’s stay for long; simply just renting. There was always something, someone, leaving a smoking hole in your chest, forcing every euphoric guest out.

I seek to cure what’s deep inside... frightened of this thing that I’ve become...

Your features twisted in agony and discomfort that accompanied the stoked episodes. It made you bitter. It threw you to the streets and dubbed you a martyr before satirically exposing, taunting at the misfortune of your dealt deck of cards. It was downright embarrassing, obtruding. Trepidations instantaneously trampled your meager, sensory overloaded form each and every time. Your bitter, corrosive laugh was all the evidence in that moment; a feeble reminder of your hypocrisy.

Because how, pray tell, does one’s physicality simultaneously experience both a revulsion for tactility and desperate craving for touch itself? You never understood exactly the way the two collided and contradicted themselves. Your teeth clamped your tongue in quelling the deprivation and plea for more rising in your throat, while your neurons worked to whisk your form as far away from the man as possible—away to the repetition of obsolete emptiness and desolation awaiting to greet you. As always.

“Let me help, cyare.” Begging... the man was hurting for you.

Don’t want to say yes, don’t want to say no...

Your mind ached. You can’t stop the pendulum in your head. Forced to look through a kaleidoscope of melancholy. Pleas echoed in a cavernous empty shell, but fell on deaf ears. Tears cancelled their appointment, and the well currently ran dry. There was... nothingness. And you fought the growing complaisance with the notion. Numbness was terrifying, and being terrified was numbing. You didn’t do well with attitudinal changes, seeking restitution more than ever while you wholly acknowledged the aspect of a ginger touch; the literal power within one’s fingertips to effectively mitigate your suffering. An opportune moment standing before you, his brows furrowed in sympathy and the corner of his lips angled in assuring you of his patience.

But the sharp pang and quick successions of staccato rhythm reverberated deep in your chest and only exaggerated your pain. Curse your heavy heart. A huff of breath incited subtle movement in the loose strands hanging over your profile, to which Hunter borrowed a moment in reaching out to sweep the curtain back.

Your head was under water, yet... you were breathing just fine. You just had yet to find the damned drain to expel the pernicious and suffocating sea of psychological terror into.

I just need to clear my head... don’t let it go to your head...

You quiver under Hunter’s intense appraisal, and shame swirls thickly. “I’m so sorry—”

“Don’t be. Please.” He immediately interjects, his palm turns upright and opens invitingly. “I’m here. Tell me what you need.”

Just tell him what you need.

“I... I don’t know.” Your admission speaks in a whisper of loss and uncertainty. You roll the flesh of your bottom lip between your teeth, the lump returns to your throat, and it’s crawling. Your gaze flickers.

“Just focus on me, cyare.”

Another catch: you can’t maintain eye contact to save your life. Kriff your soul. “That won’t work.” Your eyes anchor to the cold floor as sheer panic and the sturdy walls themself began to rise around your trembling self.

I can’t come alive... I want the room to take me under... Feel myself fading away...

“Okay—it’s okay,” he soothes. Hunter fervently wracks his brain—the way he decompresses and approaches his own form of stimming is slightly different; it’s different for everybody with a hyperactive response to stimuli. It took the Sergeant years to cultivate those particular penchants and even longer to tailor and perfect them to his predilection. If anything, he felt slightly apprehensive in the success of his methods.

Your hands that now wrap tightly around your rigid form are currently the only familiar pair of hands granted permission to access the area. You give a brief squeeze and teeter on the balls of your feet.

Hunter didn’t require a sniper’s nonpareil eyesight to see right through your peculiarity, even if he was briefly taken aback at it’s sudden effervescing. Truthfully, he should’ve picked up on it days ago: at your fierce denial and subtle panic over Hunter’s harmless offer of a massage after you had worked out a particularly stubborn knot kinking his lower back—a simple requite of mutuality, or so he thought. At the time, the Sergeant found himself shrouded in enigma over your reaction; seriously, who—other than him who barely tolerates it—doesn’t enjoy massages? It now made perfect sense. He fought the urge to self-deprecate over his ignorance.

“I’m suffocating, Hunter.” You choke, and the cadence of your voice is like a knife twisting into his heart; he gleans vicarious pain from your own.

Clarity suddenly lights up the Sergeant’s features, and you’re briefly hyper-fixated with the way the inky but slightly faded outline of his shadowy tattoo fluctuates in natural contortion with his many facial expressions. Just behind his eyes he beholds his brothers—

‘I’m suffocating, ori’vod’...

Hunter remembers...

Of the exact way he presses against Tech in order to smother his vod’ika’s fleeting bouts of anxiousness—the pressure nearly breaking the kid’s goggles on more than one occasion, and the way he compresses Crosshair’s shoulders in squeezing out the pent up anger to placate amidst the sniper’s wavering, and the position of which Hunter managed to encompass his brawny brother in a comforting embrace whenever the big guy experienced despondency—that is until Wrecker quickly outgrew his ori’vod and began flaunting his own prowess of overpowering hugs.

The difference between the scenarios was minimal. Hunter knew exactly what to do. Like second-nature to him, his nurturing instincts fully kicked in and determination spread through every fiber of his being, quashing the previous buzz of his own nerves.

Hunter didn’t know how well he could alleviate your emotional pain, but there was something he could do for the neurological aspect, and hopefully, one could ease the other...

Hunter ambles up to you and in one swift motion, secures the length of his arms around your upper back, noting the delineate contour of toned muscles and shoulder blades poking into his forearms that now drape across before his hands encircle and come to firmly rest on each shoulder. Firmness. Pressure—for your state, this depiction is key. He determinedly pulls you to him, unrelenting in a tight grip. The position of the crown of your head settled neatly under his chin, and stray hair peppered his textured features with tickling kisses as Hunter dips his head to softly press his lips to your roots.

I wish that I could bring you back to me...

With your face suddenly buried in the man’s chest, you come to distinctly acknowledge two immediate sensations. One; the man is warm. Not the muggy, stuffy warmth of Tatooine that is unpleasantly abrasive and dry; but a soft warmth that permeates, stoking memories of baked goods within the cushion of a heated oven warmly enveloping you each time it’s doors open, and seeking to melt the hardened encasing that is your tense muscles. It eases you towards a serenity. You have a ways to go before you can make out the sign in the distance, but Hunter himself is one step forward along the path.

Two; he smells amazing. A faint smoky sultry, an obscurely mesquite scent, slightly tangy and reminiscent of raw timber that is both luxurious and intoxicating; a sweet smell you’d classify as anything but cloying. Like he bathes with suds of fresh mountain air and luscious forests. It’s soothing, and your mind immediately associates the tangibility with a daydream and mercifully blesses you with the glimpse; of your husband having just entered your cozy homestead from a day of hard but fruitful labor in his intricate works of carpentry within the serene seclusion of temperate countryside enveloping your favorite planet—

Handle with care... say you’ll be there...

“Whatcha thinkin’ about, cyare—is this okay?” Hunter momentarily shifts and the rich baritone of the Sergeant’s voice resounding through his broad chest reels you back while he briefly tenses at your pending answer.

It was okay—your head was still swimming in an infinitely deep ocean of thoughts, but the way his hand slips from it’s position on your shoulder to cradle the back of your head before curling around the soft locks equates to the physical manifestation of a life preserver cast to your drowning form.

Your muffled confirmation and sheepish thanks warmly enveloped Hunter, as did your hands shifting to wrap around his broad frame in reciprocation. His grip tightened, and he patiently waits for you.

Hold.... Hold on... Hold on to me, ‘cause I’m a little unsteady...

Hunter refrains from trailing to stroke further along your back; the sneaking suspicion that the sensation might further tip off your nerves. So he remained stationary, and deciphered the way you seemingly favored a firm, weighted grasp and a grounding touch over ghosting fingertips and light, feathery textures. He could relate to that.

But Hunter couldn’t stop the hum of contentment that escaped his lips at your fingers having absentmindedly wandered up to twirl at his ebony tresses. He, personally, loved your soft, well-placed strokes full of deliberation and meaning, and only you were allowed to grace him with them.

Hunter could feel your heart hammering against the veil of his blacks, and his ears hearkened to the rhythm of your burdened breaths. He shifted his weight and began to gently sway with you, unsure of the words to say.

“I should’ve told you earlier,” your conscience suddenly prods.

A snort fills the air. “Oh, I would’ve figured it out soon enough. I’m kinda smart like that,” Hunter cringes at his corny sense of humor, but he swore the faintest of chortles rumbled beneath him.

He grants a final squeeze to your shoulders, careful to avoid the sensitive areas along your arms, before pulling back to address your face. Trouble and distress still graced you, and Hunter laced his fingers with your own. He thumbed at the worn flesh encasing your defined knuckles, a relic indicative of steadfast manual labor. You slowly exhaled at the touch; pressure along the palms and backside of your hands was soothing to you. You often wrung them to keep preoccupied when there was no warmth to solidify the muscle, fingertips drummed erratic tempos along your thighs whenever the mood struck, and loud cracking of the stiff joints in transient tics was a regularly becoming thing.

Take me by the hand, take me somewhere new...

Hunter tugged lightly in ushering you to the cot, firmly planting himself on the worn, creaking edge before his gaze met yours in awaiting approval. If he blinked, he would’ve missed the barely perceptible nod of your head in confirmation. Hunter leaned back on his full weight in gesturing you with him, and your form followed suit as you found yourself abruptly layered directly atop the rugged plains of his chest. The quirk of his lips told you he didn’t mind being used as a body pillow. Hunter’s arms suddenly turned up empty to rest above his head.

“I want you to be comfortable. No brushing. Just tell me where to put my hands.” He clarified, and appreciation bubbled in your chest. You contemplated for a moment.

“Just... hold me close.” You began to guide his hands to the exact position. “Please.”

His limbs obeyed by wrapping snugly as a hand found rest at the small of your back, and the other nestled itself slightly higher up the expanse, fingers splayed. Hunter solidified the closed space, and not even a muted ray of light could pass between the two forms.

You found solace within the cage of well-endowed muscle, slowly suppressing your nerves on each side and physically shielding you from the works of mental oppression. But his touch left you hyperaware; from an overtly suffocating insecurity towards every part of your body now lingering against his own, to the precise and tranquil thrum of his heartbeat in contrast with your racing one. Your stimuli sparks again in response to the stress.

“Y/N.” Hunter cuts through your tension, his voice laced with concern—you cannot calm yourself down, and you’re certain your mind absolutely loathes you. “Everything will be alright, I promise—don’t tense up, baby. Relax against me.” You angle your head so that one side of your face plants to his chest; you wish to better hear his sturdy heartbeat. You suddenly remember your own. It’s still beating. Resounding; indicative of purpose. Your breaths; symbolizing life.

Just keep breathing... my air...

“That’s it. Just breathe.” Hunter encourages. He reaches up to press against your temple in stroking at the hairline. Unbound locks cascaded around each other, a mixture of two colors softly tangled on either sides of the furniture. You lost count of your numbered breaths in the midst of solitude when a question unveils from your thoughts.

“How do you do it?” Your words trump the stagnant silence, a desperate inquiry that peaks through the fibers. You tilt your chin to better regard the man.

Confusion tugs at the corner of Hunter’s lips. “Do, what?”

“Anything...” you unload, and there’s a crackle to your voice. “The stress, the sensory... how do you manage? What’s your anchor in this wretched, kriffing life?”

A smile creeps up Hunter’s features, and his deep, reflective pools burn through you. “I’m looking at my anchor. And she helps me manage just fine.”

Your eyes blow protuberant and you manage to stare at him, dumbfounded. “What?”

“Honey, you are it.” His satisfied smirk grows wider, digging into his cheeks.

Something twitches at the corners of your lip and pulls into an upward curve; the feeling is tight, foreign. Your cheek muscles are unsure of how to compensate for the expression. You can’t remember the last time a smile has naturally graced your features. Now, it’s genuine. It’s... nice, and the hot rivulets currently streaming down your face are in a unanimous agreement.

Hunter moves to cup your face and thumb below your eyes, and his lips kiss the salt away. You grab hold of his forearms and shut your eyes.

“You want to know how I manage?” He croons in determination, “When my visual is overstimulated, I close my eyes and focus on the features of your face ingrained in my memory. When certain auditory has me weak at the knees, I remember the lull of your voice, comforting. When my nerves are on fire and I want nothing more than to be physically desensitized, it’s your soft touch that acts as a blanket, covering, making it easier for me. You make it better. Me better. Life better.” Hunter finishes his declaration in lovingly swiping at your face once more, expunging your pain. Words make a prompt exit along with it.

Your lips find purchase at the stubble along his jaw, in response. You love being able to fully make out the intricacy of his irises, now that you’re lovingly gazing into them. When you exit your captivated trance—his eyes are beautiful—you vaguely note with a twinge of pride that the encounter was indefinitely your longest standing record for maintaining eye contact. Another gentle smile fills your features. You remove your weight from him.

“Take this off?” You shyly tug at the collar of his blacks, seeking his consent, respectful of his own sensory receptors and their boundaries.

“Thought you’d never ask,” Hunter sits to quickly shed the upper article of clothing. He pulls you on top once again, and you are relishing in his bare skin. Your fingers map out a path of their own volition along the various textures and scars dotting the pectoral flesh.

“You never told me what you were thinking about earlier,” Hunter nonchalantly called you out. Your brows furrow in confusion. “There was something different on your face when I first held you. Just a flicker. But you looked... happy. Content, even.” Hunter smirked. “Hope you’re not planning to keep all that happiness to yourself.”

You certainly weren’t planning to. You recalled the picturesque and beckoned it forth... there was your sign of serenity. Just the shape of it, but solid, and clear. Hopeful, and promising, just on the horizon. It made your chest flutter, and ebbed away at the heartache. You realized Hunter’s brow arched in anticipation.

“How would you feel about working in carpentry?” A chuckle. Hunter was thoroughly humored, and surprisal was briefly evident on his features.

“So I can build you and I a house? To fill a bunch of babies with? Gladly.” He chased the daydream alongside you, and it was your turn to borrow the surprise; your mouth hung agape as heat crept through the apples of your cheeks. Hunter’s laugh boomed as a hand fit under your chin to close your parted lips. He wished to use his own to do the trick, but, another time.

“I’m with you.”

#The Bad Batch #Hunter #Hunter X Self #I don’t know what to tag this as.#I just want to be comforted by Hunter #oop I may be sobbing now #but it... feels better #it’s a Lil thing

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asotin · 4 years

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what're your thoughts on castlevania (the netflix show, not the game, ive never played the game) what do you like, what don't you like? make it as long as you want. i don't care if i have to scroll for 5 minutes. go feral (personally trevor is extremely hot and i would like to date sypha. i'm not really into alucard's whole sickly victorian child aesthetic, yknow?)

oh god this is way too long, but you did say to make it as long as i want, and i have a lot of thoughts that i need to inflict on the world

i played two castlevania games, both from the nintendo gameboy era, so please don’t get mad at me, gamers

details below the cut, but since i’ll be talking about season three, i need to preface this with content warnings for mentions of: graphic violence, rape and sexual violence, racism, and the holocaust

before i get into it, i usually don’t go for alucard-type characters either, but knowing that he was redesigned to be bishounen sexy specifically because the boring, middle aged man look he originally had in the games wasn’t appealing makes me enjoy him. and he’s fun with trevor and sypha

do like:

the voice acting

it’s all good. i can’t think of any characters whose voices were awkward or fit poorly. they don't make sypha’s va use the standard flat affect or false high voice women tend to be assigned, trevor sounds suitably worn out but not monotone, and alucard sounds exhausted but in a sexy way

and the spanish dub is killer, arguably superior

the animation & design

it isn’t full-on artsy, but it’s definitely got a distinctive style that’s easy to look at. the color use and effects are gorgeous. it’s a story set in the medieval era, and the mixture of desaturated and oversaturated elements works so well with that

dracula’s castle and the belmont bunker aren't revolutionary in design, but they didn't need to be. they're suitably creepy and empty, and i enjoyed them

the monsters were unique enough to have obvious different types, and the scene where a monster commits blasphemy in a church by accusing a priest of committing blasphemy was good writing

lisa

she shows up to a stranger’s spooky home and scolds him for being rude. she really looked an ancient vampire in the face, told him he had no manners, then had a kid with him. what a phenomenal woman. 11/10, no notes

“start with me, and i’ll start with you.” you know what? i’d fall in love, too

dracula

this ancient, unfriendly vampire let a human woman walk into his home and tell him he’s got no manners. and that made him fall in love with her. just like that. lisa walked in and handed him his ass, and dracula thought “oh i love her”. and when she was killed (more on this in the bad section), he raised literal hell to destroy the world for doing it

speaking of lisa being killed, it fucks me up that it happened because she convinced him to leave the castle and experience the world. he left her alone to see what she loved so much, only to come back and find that the people he’d come to like- the people lisa had loved so much it drove her to help in a way that got her killed- had burned her at the stake. i love a good tragedy, and that’s good tragedy

the way he weeps when he has to fight alucard?? during a showdown in their home?? the “i must already be dead” moment in alucard’s childhood bedroom??? when he speaks to lisa about killing their boy, her greatest gift to him??? poetic cinema.

the trio’s dynamic

three bisexuals with two total brain cells and only alucard bothers using them. incredible

i went so hard for this ot3. it's right there and so good

sypha

she initially seems to be assigned the role of the adult™️ ie she's the only woman and gets stuck being responsible, but surprise! she’s just as annoying and dumb as alucard and trevor. she dropped a castle she didn’t understand on the ground and didn’t think too hard about it. then she argued about breaking it. i love her

if we don’t get an ot3, then she needs to have a dumb gf

alucard

he's got a stupidly low neckline and lower pants. they really leaned into ayami kojima’s redesign, as they should have. his little curl annoys me, though. why the fuck does he have a random section of hair that’s like three inches long when the rest is shoulder length or longer? love that he really looks like lisa

if you say he's canonically bisexual and polyamorous, no he isn't. yes he is. no he isn't :)

trevor

disgusting. a nasty man whose appearance mirrors his state of mind. he's 50 mental illnesses in a dirty jacket and his coping mechanism is… alcohol? maybe? he’s a mess, and i dig it

him trying his trick of kneeing alucard in the balls during their fight? and finding out it doesn't work? (which…… why doesn't it……?) juvenile but suitable

hector

his love of animals makes him my favorite. normally, i won’t touch anything with this much animal death, but i’m willing to set that aside because hector loves them so much. he’s so sweet and kind, and he loves his monster pets

yes he sided with dracula and has some really fucked up ideas about what constitutes humane treatment of people, and yet i love him. 11/10, but i have a lot of notes

isaac

i support him, including his murdering and his decision to support dracula. dracula throwing him out of the castle to save him was so cruel in that it was an attempt at kindness from a man who hated the whole world, but it was against isaac’s wishes

his time with the captain was great

idk enough about islam to know if he's portrayed correctly and haven’t seen any complaints, but given the show’s track record……… i wouldn’t be surprised if it’s not great

the forging

very cool. fresh and interesting! hector creating pet friends is cute and heartbreaking. love isaac for his dedication to reducing, reusing, and recycling

season 2’s big battle with all those vampires

the new version of “bloody tears” is phenomenal

this goes back to the animation, but listen……. it's so good. i loved the smoke vampire, and alucard’s fluid wolf transformations. his flying sword looked really good, and incorporating them together? super good to watch. and trevor’s whip?

the type and level of violence are suitable for what it is. it would be weird for a gritty show like this to be bloodless, but i don't think it would work if it were bloody to the extent of a slasher. it's also more clean violence, if that makes sense. you don’t linger just to look at gore; you see it because stabbing someone spills blood. the games weren't about extended, gritty scenes of realistic murder, so the show sticking with quick, slice and dice type fights fit with what i remembered of them

please watch this fight if you don’t remember it or haven’t seen it (part 1, part 2)

trevor’s whips

trevor’s weapons don’t follow the physics of normal whips, and they shouldn't. they’re heavily stylized and clearly a fantasy weapon, but they still have rules that they (mostly) have to obey. his morning star-whip hybrid in particular is so good

it’s easy to follow, too. a lot of times, speedy weapons disappear, which is an understandable effect but one i find boring because there’s nothing for me to do. i’m just sitting on my ass with nothing to do

trevor’s whips don’t disappear. they’re fast, but you can always see them. and they have weight! you can see them slow down and gain speed. i don’t need physics to be real; i want movement to be pleasing, and that’s exactly what i get with the whips

don’t like:

fridging lisa

she could have been kidnapped (possibly make dracula think she was dead bc people want to lure out her scary demon husband, idk), then s2 could have ended with her and dracula reuniting as he died. she and alucard go on a trip together to attempt to make amends for the pain dracula wrought in lisa’s name. orrrr she dies a tragic death with him and we’re left to hope that they find each other in the afterlife. do vampires get to go to the afterlife? can alucard reintegrate? can he be happy with his new friends? or will he go back to his crypt and sleep again? will he ever be rediscovered? if so, what will he do? deep questions. i would prefer to cogitate on these instead of experiencing the shitshow that is s3

season 3

they should have ended it with dracula’s death. the quality of storytelling goes down immediately. just plummets. i’m sure there were problems in the first two seasons, but this one is so bad, i genuinely can’t remember

but i may as well get specific, so here we go:

abandoning alucard

trevor and sypha leave their friend alone in his childhood home where he just killed his father. where they helped him kill his father who, as i’ve said too many times, raised literal hell to get revenge for people burning alucard’s mother to death

yt they don’t talk about alucard. they don’t make any plans to touch base ever again. trevor’s entire family got killed. sypha’s culture, from which she’s now estranged, is family-centric. if ever two people should give a shit about alucard and know why alucard shouldn’t be left on his own, it's them

so what the hell is going on?

trevor and sypha’s relationship

look. it could be good. it would be better with alucard but they could be together and it could work fine

but this……….

trevor hates what they're doing. he hates traveling around and fighting. he's clearly tired and deeply depressed

sypha not only doesn't care enough to address it (did they forget the first two seasons?? sypha is annoying partly because she doesn't stop poking people) she might not even notice? yes, she's having fun, but trevor is basically dead on his feet in front of her

racism

hector, sumi, and taka all got done dirty

sumi and taka

i hate the way they died. i hate that i’m certain that the plot won’t bring japan back into the narrative (or if it does, i don’t trust it not to be shitty). i hate the fact that by killing them off, i’m not going to get any more of them. they were interesting!!

speaking of the japanese vampire: the biphobia, arguably, given what happens with alucard

the addition of sexual violence

i don’t need or want lenore. if all she’d done was manipulate hector, i could have lived with that. she’s a villain, so she does bad things. that’s the point. but what she did was a massive escalation. we hadn’t had any sexual violence, and then the last few episodes gave us

tumblr feminists who love her for how she treated hector need to be quarantined until their brain worms have been cured

everything that happens to hector

what was this shit? why did i open my netflix app and tap castlevania and find them making this man walk around naked in the cold to torture him? and starving him? he got manipulated, degraded, chained up, collared like an animal, and raped. and why? to show us how bad lenore is? that the other vampires are bad because they let her do it? i didn’t sign up for this

the holocaust reference

the imagery at the end of s3 when it’s revealed that the judge has been killing people he’s decided are undeserving to live and collecting their shoes in that barn was chillingly close to images of shoes taken from victims of the holocaust. there's no reason to invoke the holocaust here. it’s unnecessary and in bad taste

#asks #anonymous #long post #anti-castlevania netflix #i guess #cw rape #cw holocaust mention #cw racism #cw holocaust #all of these are tags i didn't anticipate using on my stupid sideblog #i'll probably find a bunch of typos in like 12 hours rip me #but i feel bad for taking so long

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