#I’m a possum in a trash can! I swear !

[themosthatedbeingg]

🦊 { I wanna interact with you from my Lilith side blog but I be a shy nervous bean and I'm not sure if it would even be okay to write with your Lucifer as her. ;w;

🦊 for fairly intimidating:

Noo plz interact with me !! Especially with your Lilith !! <3 I’m mutuals only but we are moots <3 and I would love to rp with your Lilith !! I’m open to any and all Lilith’s! <3

[ayybtch]

Psychotic

Bucky Barnes x f!Reader

Summary: You really love animals, Bucky not so much. A random TikTok brings to light exactly what Bucky thinks of you.

Word Count: 1,776

Warnings: Being told no to getting animals, a couple swear words here and there, blink and you miss it suggestiveness, and a very strange TikTok

A/N: Happy Valentines Day everyone! I watched this TikTok months ago and absolutely lost it when I saw it, so definitely give it a watch! Dividers made by the lovely @firefly-graphics​

A Mutual Weirdness Masterlist

Days off were a rare occurrence for Bucky. Rarer still were days off that coincided with yours, and it practically required cosmic intervention for both of you to be off on a weekend. This was the first Saturday Bucky had off in almost two months and he planned on spending it doing absolutely nothing.

He made a point to sleep in and stay in bed as long as he possibly could. Once the grumbling of his stomach finally won out, the day would start off with a giant breakfast followed by a long, hot shower. The remainder of the day would involve him sitting on his ass while enjoying a good book or watching TV. He’d stay where he was until he needed to eat and that’s the way he liked it.

Today, he wanted to make some progress on the strange Romanian murder-mystery novel Wanda had recommended. She swore up and down that it was one of the best she’s ever read, but so far Bucky was not impressed. The pacing was too slow, the characters were too dull, and the murder itself was not all that intriguing. He would have stopped already if it hadn’t been for Wanda pestering him about it.

He had been laying on the couch completely immersed for almost an hour trying to solve the case before the lead detective when you came rushing into the room. You climbed into his lap and sat there staring at him, eyes unsettlingly wide. Bucky peered back at you over the top of his book, suspicious as to what could possibly be running through your head. A small smile started to appear on your face, but you remained silent.  

“Can I help you?” Bucky asked after a few minutes without any change to your expression, which was growing more and more manic-looking by the second.

Your eyes seemed to snap back in focus as he spoke and the rest of your face became serious. “So I had an idea…” you said cautiously, suddenly far more serious than he had ever seen you look before. “What if we got chickens? Not too many, just like three. I think three is a good number.”

Bucky stared at you in disbelief. “We live in an apartment. Of course you can’t have chickens,” he said flatly. You rolled your eyes at his response.

“Obviously not right now, but in the future when we’re not living in an apartment. You know, after you and I get hitched and find a house we like.”

All of the confusion and concerns Bucky had were thrown out the window as he processed what you said. You want to buy a house with him? You want to marry him? The thought of being with you forever made his heart skip a beat and filled him with an overwhelming urge to kiss you. He realized you were still watching him expectantly, waiting for an answer. “S-Sure, I guess. I never really liked chickens though -”

He wasn’t even able to finish his sentence before your lips were pressed against his.

“You are the best! Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!” you yelled, kissing him all over his face between thank you’s.

When you broke apart, an excited squeal left you that had his ears ringing. You laid down fully on his chest and started rambling about how nice it would be to have some land so you could have a nice big garden filled with every fruit and vegetable imaginable, a decent sized back patio or porch for friends to come over, and plenty of space for the chickens to have a giant coop. You even started listing out possible names for the chickens. Your seemingly endless ramble ended unexpectedly as you trailed off mid-sentence, gasping slightly after a moment. You picked your head up just enough off his chest to look him in the eyes.

“If we have enough room, can we also have goats?”

Bucky groaned, “Don’t push it, Doll. I’ve barely agreed to the chickens.” He pulled you back down onto his chest and placed a gentle kiss on the top of your head before he continued reading.

It was almost a week later before Bucky had his next day off. He decided to plan a long-overdue date night. It was nothing fancy, just a casual dinner at a restaurant you liked followed up with dessert. After you left the restaurant, the two of you made your way through a stretch of Central Park. He had intended for it to be a romantic walk, full of hand-holding and kissing that maybe could lead to something else once you were back at the apartment. Instead, it quickly turned into one of the worst decisions of his life.

Everything was going according to plan until you spotted the raccoon family of three hanging out in the tree not far off the path. Bucky didn’t even need to look at you to know you were staring at them with the same heart eyes you always stare at animals with.

The raccoons were in a relatively low tree branch, each snacking on some food they had scavenged from a nearby trash can. You pulled Bucky off the sidewalk and into the grass. Your excitement grew with each step you took towards the tree.

“Bucky look at their little hands! How cute are they?” You whisper yelled, practically jumping up and down with excitement. You were so focused on them that it gave Bucky the chance to watch and appreciate how enamored you were. While it drove him nuts sometimes how many animals you wanted, it never stopped being adorable to him how passionate you were about them. Bucky had no doubt you’d manage to sweet-talk him into more than he’d care to admit, but if it meant seeing you smile like this every day then it’ll be worth it. He was so lost in his thoughts of what your future may hold that he hardly heard what you were saying to the raccoons. It wasn’t until you finally turned to look at him that he tuned back into what you were saying.

“Do you think raccoons would make good pets?”

Without a word, he picked you up and slung you over his shoulder before turning to walk away, shaking his head as he did.

“Oh my god, babe! Look at this baby cow!” you gushed, bursting out of the bedroom and into the kitchen where Bucky was making breakfast. “It’s so fucking fluffy, I need it.” The emphasis on need left Bucky scoffing as you shoved the phone into his hand. You stood there and stared at him, grinning ear to ear as you continued to ramble about the baby cow.

He eventually had to cut you off, “Doll, we’ve been over this a dozen times. You don’t actually want a cow, you just want a cow you can hang out with. Now sit down and eat your eggs before they get cold.” He scooped out some scrambled eggs onto a plate before placing it at your usual spot at the counter.

You grumbled slightly before sitting down on the barstool, stabbing your eggs harder than necessary with your fork. “You didn’t even acknowledge how cute it is.”

“It’s very cute. But I’ve already agreed to quite the menagerie so I have to put my foot down somewhere. I’ve already said yes to the chickens and it’s at least maybe on goats, and possibly a pig if we have enough room.”

“I’ve already said yes to the chickens and maybe on goats and pigs,” you said mockingly. “What difference does a cow make if we’ve already got all of those?” you asked, mouth full of food.

Bucky stared at you, shaking his head and sighing. “You’re lucky I love you, woman.” He pressed a kiss to your forehead and sat down to join you for breakfast.

It was almost a month later before the two of you finally were able to have a quiet night together. The evening had been spent cooking dinner, making a mess in the kitchen as you did, followed by making a different kind of mess in the living room not long after. Now, the two of you were laying in bed together winding down for the night. Bucky was reading while you laid there scrolling mindlessly on your phone. You giggled from time to time, pausing to show him a funny meme here and there, but for the most part, the room was quiet.

It wasn’t until you were in full-on giggles that Bucky leaned his book against his chest and stared at you waiting for an explanation.

Once the giggles died down, you rolled slightly to be closer to him. “You have to watch this wack ass video.” Your laughter started up again before you even hit play.

Bucky watched as the guy in the video kept pulling out stranger and stranger animals. He chuckled throughout the video, but it wasn’t until a thought struck him at the end that he really burst out laughing.

“That’s going to be you in five years if I haven’t already married you and kept your psychotic ass from getting an unreasonable amount of animals.”

Your laughter died and you stared at him reproachfully. “Bucky, baby...do you think I’m psychotic?” Somehow you managed to sound unconcerned by the possibility of being psychotic. If anything, you seemed almost amused.

“Honestly? I think you’re on the brink of snapping sometimes,” he said with a slight shrug.

You stared back at him, not fully sure if he was joking or not. The serious look on his face confirmed he wasn’t joking and you couldn’t help but laugh. “Good to know you think I’m one mental breakdown away from snuggling with a possum, you jerk,” you teased, placing a quick peck on his cheek.

Bucky turned to fully face you, looking you dead in the eyes. “Be honest with me, if the possum was replaced by one of those raccoons we saw a couple weeks ago, how unreasonable would that seem to you?”

Your face felt hot and you stuttered for a moment before going quiet. “I guess that’s fair,” you mumbled, eyes rolling slightly. “But raccoons are cuter, you can’t blame me for wanting to snuggle one.”

“I know, you fucking weirdo. Now come here,” Bucky said, grabbing you and pulling you into his chest. He pressed a kiss to the top of your head and a comfortable silence fell over you. A few minutes later, Bucky spoke again.

“For the record though, possums and raccoons are both firmly on the ‘no’ list.”

[at-the-exd-of-everythixg]

✩ ][Abby and Morde][

@blind-mutant

Disagreements:

Who is more likely to raise their voice?

Morde is.

Who threatens to leave but never actually does?

Abby. He didn't leave at the beginning so I can't imagine he'd leave now.

Who actually keeps their word and leaves?

Morde. But only for the night where he dream walks.

Who trashes the house?

Neither of them do. They both prize their home.

Do either of them get physical?

Not at first but if Morde feels like Abby is too close? He will panic and flail.

How often do they argue/disagree?

Semi often but it gets less serious as time goes on.

Who is the first to apologise?

Abby because he's a sweet talker.

Sex:

Who is on top?

Abby is, in both terms.

Who is on the bottom?

Morde is, once again, in both terms.

Who has the strangest desires?

Probably Abby as a demon of many kink trades.

Any kinks?

I'm not too sure what Abby's kinks are but Morde is definitely into primal play, some masochistic stuff and overall heavy bdsm. Possibly some Master/Daddy stuff but never Sir,,,and monster/ABO stuff.

Who’s dominant in bed?

Abby is and the only time Morde fucks him is when he wants a soft moment.

Is head ever in the equation?

Yeah, Morde is rather nervous about giving and receiving but he wants it.

If so, who is better at performing it?

Definitely Abby as he has more experience and Morde is....daunted at the idea of taking oral on Abby's bedazzled dick.

Ever had sex in public?

Absolutely. Sneaky demon and omega level telepath??? Literally they could fuck openly in a bathroom and be good.

Who moans the most?

Morde does.

Who leaves the most marks?

Abby does.

Who screams the loudest?

Abby always makes sure that Morde does.

Who is the more experienced of the two?

Abby is. He's Mordecai's beautiful Thot.

Do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’?

Lots of fucking but sometimes Abby gets a lovemaking in and oh boy it erases Morde.

Rough or soft?

Rough most of the time but soft has the same reaction on Morde,,,or Abby if the redhead turns it around.

How long do they usually last?

Morde equally lasts around 4-5 minutes and I imagine Abby has some sort of demon stamina.

Is protection used?

I don't think Abby needs it since what he is?

Does it ever get boring?

As if it could!

Where is the strangest place they’d have sex? 

Probably in a changing room? There's a thrill of trying to keep quiet.

Family:

Do your muses plan on having children/or have children?

No.

If so, how many children do your muses want/have?

Just one and Morde absolutely takes the kid like it's a stray dog and that's how Abby comes home to seeing Morde with a small child and "Th-this is Blaise."

Who is the favorite parent?

Morde is as he let's Blaise do anything they want really.

Who is the authoritative parent?

Surprisingly Abby and that's somehow even funnier than sex demon becomes doting boyfriend.

Who is more likely to allow the children to have a day off school?

Both of them absolutely and tbh I don't think Blaise goes to school.

Who lets the children indulge in sweets and junk food when the other isn’t around?

Abby absolutely sneaky lil possum man.

Who turns up to extra curricular activities to support their children?

Morde! He knows how much Blaise must care about projects so he's always there for them!

Who goes to parent teacher interviews?

Abby does because he deals with them better.

Who changes the diapers?

Abby goes from lust demon to Stank Man.

Who gets up in the middle of the night to feed the baby?

Morde does since he's awake all the time.

Who spends the most time with the children?

Morde does since he doesn't leave for work.

Who packs their lunch boxes?

Abby will!

Who gives their children ‘the talk’

Abby because Morde gives the most awful sex talk ever...and wasnt given one.

Who cleans up after the kids?

Morde will.

Who worries the most?

They both do but about a different thing. They take turns being the helicopter!

Who are the children more likely to learn their first swear word from?

Morde when he trips or ruins a sculpture and goes "FUCK."

Affection:

Who likes to cuddle?

Abby does. He's a beast.

Who is the little spoon?

Abby surprisingly because Morde likes wrapping around him.

Who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places?

At first Abby but?? Morde soon knows how to work his own magic.

Who struggles to keep their hands to themself?  

Abby because he can one resist when a beautiful redhead now goes around naked near him?

How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable?

Morde. He's squirmy.

Who gives the most kisses?

Abby does and Morde ACTS like he's grumpy but Abby can see the blush across your neck and ears baby.

What is their favourite non-sexual activity?

Sculpting! And petting some of the stray dogs that wander into the barn!

Where is their favourite place to cuddle?

On the grass and under the sun, where it's easy to relax and nap.

Who is more likely to playfully grope the other? 

Abby >:(

How often do they get time to themselves?

Very often since Morde only visits his other halves every other week.

[vernonfielding]

They say it’s lonely at the top

What’s that? We don’t have a trailer from NBC yet? Maybe you want to read some weird Jorm-POV B99 fanfic instead?? (ie Here is story No. 9 of my Season 7 Countdown Project!)

Summary: “Hey, everyone, just want to introduce you to our new assistant manager, Larry Sherbet.”

Taylor, manager of the Fun Zone, needs to hire a new assistant – but does he go with the known stoner or the new guy with the unbelievable resume? Takes place during Coral Palms Part 1. (Read on AO3.)

Taylor’s plucking disgustedly at the front of his shirt, muttering to himself about what jerks pre-schoolers can be, as he ducks into his office and closes the door behind him. The purple slushee is sticky and icy cold through the thin blue polo, and he quickly shucks his shirt and trashes it – he knows from experience that it’s already ruined. Fun Zone slushees eat right through the polyester blend.

He pulls the tub of disinfectant wipes out of the bottom drawer of his file cabinet and starts to clean himself up. It’s barely 11, they’ve only been open an hour, and already he’s fielded complaints about: gum in the ball pit; a feral possum growling at players on the eighth hole; the French fries tasting suspiciously like weed; and a child using toilet water to wash his hands in the restroom because the sink that Greg recommended they install is broken again (probably because someone shoved a hot dog down the drain yesterday).

It’s too much for one man, Taylor thinks to himself, as he tosses the wad of used wipes into the trash, on top of his shirt. He needs an assistant.

Taylor grabs a new polo out of the top drawer of his file cabinet and tugs it over his head as he drops into his desk chair, which wobbles precariously under his weight. He steadies himself on the desk, and his hand lands on a slip of paper – on Greg Stickney’s resume.

Greg’s was the first resume Taylor had ever seen for a job at the Fun Zone, and Taylor had been impressed. It’s even typed up, with his name and phone number on the top and a list of previous jobs, mostly a lot of retail stuff, just like Taylor. Greg was a good hire. He comes to work when he’s supposed to, he doesn’t smack the kids when they swear at him, and he hasn’t spit in the food even once, as far as Taylor knows.

But he just can’t shake the image of Greg in that Count Bluntula T-shirt. He knew something was funny about that guy – he was always so calm and laid-back, but also really hard to read, like if Matthew McConaughey were a robot. But he couldn’t pin it down until he saw the shirt and everything clicked. Now he worries that a full-time stoner would be a bigger problem than no assistant manager at all.

Still, he can’t keep doing this alone. Taylor slumps in his chair and scratches at his chin. Maybe he should give the guy a shot.

A knock on his door startles him, and Carly pops her head in. “Hey, some guy’s out here about a job.”

They’re not technically hiring – he was given orders from the owner to promote the assistant from the current staff – but before Taylor can tell Carly to send him away, the door swings open further and reveals a man with a wide, welcoming smile and gloriously frosted blond tips in his hair. 

“Hey,” the man says, stepping forward and thrusting out a hand to shake. “I’m Larry. Larry Sherbet. I understand you might be looking for an assistant manager.”

+++

Larry is perfect. He, too, has a resume, and it’s even more impressive that Greg’s.

“You were a pilot?” Taylor says, reading over his work experience.

Larry nods and gives him another big grin. He’s sitting on a folding chair that Taylor usually keeps wedged between the file cabinet and the table with security cameras. He can’t remember the last time anyone actually sat in it.

“Yeah, remember that plane that hit a bird in New York? Pilot had to land in the Hudson?”

Taylor nods, then frowns. “I think so?”

“That was me,” Larry says, kicking his feet out in front of him and leaning back in the chair, hands clasped behind his head. “I saved like 300 people.”

“Wasn’t that guy super old?”

Larry rubs at his chin. “Shaved the mustache last year. It took off like 10 years.”

Taylor squints at him, and he can kind of see it. Larry looks like he’s in his late 20s, maybe early 30s, but he could be 60 – Taylor’s always been bad with ages.

“And it says here,” Taylor says, pointing at the next line, “that you took down a surfer bank robbery ring. That’s so dope, man. Isn’t there a TV show, or like a movie like that?”

“Point Break,” Larry says, smirking at him. “They based the movie off me. Had to retire from the FBI after that. Cover blown and all, you know how it is.”

He shrugs, like “what’re you gonna do?” and Taylor respects the guy’s no regrets attitude. 

Taylor hates to ask the next question, but: “Aren’t you a little over-qualified for this position?”

For the first time, the grin slips off Larry’s face, and he eases forward in his chair, eyes darting to the office door, and beckons Taylor toward him. It’s all very conspiratorial and Taylor’s loving it. He leans over his desk and raises an inquisitive eyebrow.

“You can’t tell anyone what I’m about to say to you,” Larry says, his voice low and serious and seductive.

A chill runs up Taylor’s spine and he swallows thickly, nods. “I won’t.”

Larry looks toward the door again and licks his lips. When he turns back to Taylor, they lock eyes, and Taylor holds his breath.

“I’m in witness protection,” Larry says. “I tangled with a mob boss and now I have to lie low until the feds catch him, or until I lose my freakin’ mind in this dump-hole state and run away with my girlfriend to Bermuda. Is Bermuda nice this time of year?”

“I think Bermuda’s nice any time of year,” Taylor says.

“Anyway,” Larry says, “I just need a job to keep my cover, and I don’t want to sell ATVs because those things’ll kill you and I don’t need more blood on my hands, you know?”

Taylor does not know.

“So-” Taylor says.

“To recap,” Larry interrupts, and holds up a hand, counting out on his fingers: “Witness protection, running from the mob, need a job.”

Taylor leans back in his chair and crosses his arms over his chest. Beyond his office door, he can hear a child sob-screaming and a woman shouting profanities at whoever’s behind the snack counter. Taylor glances at the two resumes now sitting on his desk, side by side.

“You’re full of shit, Larry,” Taylor says, as he stands up. He grins and thrusts out a hand. “And I dig it. How’d you like to be my new assistant manager?”

“I would like nothing better,” Larry says. They shake on it.

They’re going to be best friends now. Taylor’s sure of it. He throws an arm around Larry’s shoulder and leads him outside to meet the staff.

End Notes:

Title is from Feed the Beast (Bash Brothers).

I like writing outside perspectives of the main characters and the idea of writing “Jorm” was too much fun! (Might there be an Akiva one sometime this month? Only time will tell.)

I toggled back and forth between writing Taylor as really dumb or just really not giving a shit, but I feel like that could apply to a lot of the random characters in the Florida eps. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[ditto]

wi rehab week 3 review: the Week™. i KNOW this post is long but god please read about my misfortune if yall want a Saga

current status on raccoons: clement

number of monster energy drinks consumed: 2

number of buns directly killed: 1

Days Since Last Diarrhead on: 1

Baby Raccoon Count: 150ish? probably 130 that need to be bottle fed 

new tasks performed:

baby opossum cage maintenance

baby waterfowl cage maintenance

SQ fluid administration on raccoons

SQ vaccine administration on raccoons

What To Do When Your Tire Goes Flat 101

oral medication administration on possums

CHRONOLOGICAL TALE OF MISFORTUNE: i’m not going to do this regularly but the sheer amount of bad shit that happened this week was COMICAL so let me break down everything that happened to me this work week

MONDAY 6/8

got diarrhead on during 6am raccoon feeding

straight up killed a baby rabbit during bun feeding. they stress real easily and i’m bad at tubing so i had him out for a while and he just fuckin. died. from stress. in my hands. directly because of me being bad at my job. so you know that was uhhhhhhhhhhhhh

shovelled out wet dirty woodchips out of a walk-in enclosure with like 8 goslings using a snowshovel w/ another baby intern. you can’t put a ton of woodchips into one trash bag so we had to keep changing out the trash bag and it was like 92 degrees out and we were both wearing cloth masks and on god i really thought we were gonna die in there

during the pm feeding i get peed on by the EXACT SAME RACCOON that diarrhead on me during the am feeding 

TUESDAY 6/9: the Day(tm)

i have a therapy appointment scheduled at 2pm. my shift is 6am-2pm. i’ll need to leave at 1:30pm to get to it. i tell my supervisors this. it’s chill. i still feel bad about it, because i have anxiety.

right off the bat, i get scolded by my Actual Boss for doing something i watched one of the supervising interns do 

6am raccoon feeding: get diarrhead on again. 

a rac RIPS the fucking nipple off of the baby bottle we’re feeding them with and formula gets fucking everywhere. i say out loud at this moment “IM HAVING A GREAT WEEK”. one of my supervising interns feels bad for me and keeps trying to cheer me up throughout the day. she does make me feel better.

i get dishes which is fine bc i dont mind dishes for real but my hands turn into sandpaper the day after doing dishes for 2 hours so this is more :| than :/. i make jokes about how bad my week is going. the mood is, generally, looking up.

next raccoon feeding is scheduled for noon. raccoons are housed in a separate building, so it’s about a 5 minute drive to get there from the main area. we get ready to leave around 1pm. recap: i need to leave at 1:30pm for a therapy appointment. i’m planning on driving my own car down there so i can do this. it’s chill.

on my way down there, i start hearing the most godawful screeching of metal. i am, quote, “like uhhh.” when i open the gate to turn onto the highway, i stick my head out the window to look

my tire is flat.

i have a flat tire.

my fucking tire is FLAT dude.

>mfw

>

>

pull over after gate

tell the staff member following me “hey i have a flat tire so im probably not going to make it down to feed today” and shes like flkdjsalfksd okay

call the ONE supervising intern whose number i have, who is the one who heard me say IM HAVING A GREAT WEEK, like GUESS WHICH BITCH HAS A FLAT TIRE LMFAOOOOOOO. just making that one call was the funniest fucking thing that’s ever happened in my entire life

to quote her verbatim: “i guess you are having a bad week”

call my dad, who as it turns out was actively teaching a class when i called, so i am well and truly facked and am DEFINITELY not making this therapy appointment

ok. take a deep breath. check my car. i have a donut in my car. i have not changed a tire in three years, and have never changed one in the scenario of I Have A Flat Tire. fack. relay this to the one supervising intern whos number i know (i’m going to call her supervising intern 1 going forward here). ask her if anyone knows how to change a tire. 

supervising intern 1 calls back. apparently there’s a guy who lives on the same property we’re on named donnie. donnie is a maintenance worker who helps out a lot around the rehab place. donnie can help me change my tire. apparently someone currently down feeding raccoons is going to come pick me up and bring me over there so i can continue to feed raccoons until donnie can fix my tire. 

get call from supervising intern 2, whose number i did not have, apparently it got relayed. i ask her if anyone down there can change a tire. she says she can change a tire. she will help me change my tire she finishes on raccoon feeding. ok sounds good. someone is still going to come pick me up.

get call back 10 minutes later. apparently donnie is in the middle of a field right now and it is unlikely that he can fix my tire. someone is still going to come get me to feed raccoons, maybe. i tell her supervising intern 2 can help me change my tire after we finish our shift. she says thats fine. ok cool sick.

try to call therapist. i have no signal. send email which is, verbatim: “Hey! I'm currently on the the side of of the the road in [TOWN 30 MILES AWAY] with a flat tire, so I'm not going to make our appointment today. If we could reschedule for sometime soon, that would be great.” signal is bad, so this ends up being sent at 3pm.

(ALSO I LEARNED ABOUT THIS TODAY BUT APPARENTLY IN THE TIMELINE THERE’S A FIGHT HERE BETWEEN SUPERVISING INTERNS 1 AND 2 OVER HOW THE SITUATION IS PLAYING OUT WHICH IS EQUAL PARTS HILARIOUS AND “MAKES ME FEEL BAD”)

one of the other baby interns comes to pick me up and bring me down to racs. i walk in like AYYYYYYY and start feeding raccoons.

i get diarrhead on again.

i get diarrhead on again again. 

apparently 3 in one day is a record.

my shift is supposed to end at 2pm. we usually end up staying until 2:15-2:30ish, because that’s usually when the other team gets down here. since supervising intern 2 is currently my savior, she is going to drive me back over when the other team gets here and she leaves. other baby interns leave at 2:15ish, i think. 

the other team is, apparently, running late. they get here at 3pm.

supervising intern 2 drives me back over at 3pm. we get to my car.

the donut is on.

the tire is in the trunk.

apparently donnie was, in fact, able to come change my tire. no one told me this. 

im like ok. this is fine. i tell supervising intern 2 thank u for my life. i leave.

my donut has a 50mph max speed limit. i tell google maps to avoid highways on my way home. this turns my 30 minute drive home into a 50 minute one, and still ends up with me being terrifyingly tailgated by trucks for going 10 miles under the speed limit. i almost, but do not, run out of gas on the way home.

i get home around 4:10pm. i call the auto shop across the street from me and tell them i have a flat tire, but i need the car by 6am tomorrow. do they think they can have it fixed by then. they tell me to bring it over and they’ll let me know.

i bring the car over. i give them my keys. i say thank you and leave.

i realize that my garage door opener is in my car, which is now locked. i have no other way into the house, because our garage door keypad has been broken for 2 years. the sliding glass door in the backyard is locked.

i walk back into the auto shop 5 minutes later and ask in the Polite But Obviously Having A Day tone if i can have my keys back so i can get it. i get my garage door opener out of my car. i give the keys back.

i enter my home. i lay spread-eagled on my bed for one hour.

auto place calls back and tells me they fixed the tire. im like did you replace it or did u fix it. theyre like we fixed it come on over. i almost cry on the phone.

go back over. guy is like “ya u ran over a screw LOL”. gives me my keys back. i wait to pay

after a bit hes like “you dont have to pay anything. this is on the house.”

almost cry

thank him

get car

go home

eat

shower

go to bed at 8pm 

WEDNESDAY (6/10)

everyone at work is immediately like AYYY and in general just very nice about the whole thing. i thank everyone involved for helping. its chill

dont get diarrhead on this feeding but i do get bit for like NO got dam reason what the fack

next up is cleaning juvenile cages and i swear to god i get the nastiest. fucking. raccoon cage i have ever seen in my entire life. there was an...i wanna say eigth-of-an-inch thick layer of raccoon diarrhea across this 2 foot x 4 foot cage

like on GOD the smell was so bad i was gagging through a goddamn cloth mask just. oh my god. i had to just go stand outside and stare into the abyss afterwards for a few minutes it was so NASTY IT WAS SO NASTY

mercifully, i am spared from further misfortune for the rest of the day. i come home. i am so tired.

WAIT I HAVE TO MENTION THAT SUPERVISING INTERN 1 HAD SUCH BAD LUCK FEEDING RABBITS TODAY SO LIKE...my luck is contagious 

notes and observations

anyone who is anti-euthanasia in animal shelters and any other large-scale animal welfare places in general can absolutely suck my dick

most other baby animals will generally have various stages of “baby x”, but opossums look like Adults Except Tiny from a very early age. they have stolen my heart.

birds are poopy little creatures

[johannesviii]

Mad Dogs And Englishmen

Some highlights of the last EDA I’ve read (Mad Dogs and Englishmen).

I took these screens while reading, along with my reactions. As usual, this is full of spoilers.

I opened this book two months ago or so, started to read it, and put it down. I wasn’t in the mood for something silly, because some unpleasant things were happening in my life at that time.

The trouble is, even more unpleasant things happened, and kept happening, and two months later, I was like: fuck this, I need something silly right now. Let’s read the book with the talking dogs.

I read it in two days.

It doesn’t have the amazing, joyful worldbuilding of The Scarlet Empress, and it’s not as experimental and surreal as The Blue Angel. It doesn’t even seem to have an actual message. But it’s fun, it never takes itself seriously, it has a ton of entertaining characters and situations, and some scenes are completely hysterical to picture in your head. Exactly what you need after The Adventuress of Henrietta Street, and exactly what I needed in my life right now. 9/10

I don't doubt this for a second.

Also, I love the fact they didn’t care if the 100th novel had a bright pink cover with a dog wielding a laser gun on it.

I want to read that other book, now.

The what

I really like this idea of a book that took a lifetime to write.

Professor Alid Jag and Doctor Stellus Pontin officially have the best names.

Tag yourself I'm Stellus

Oh noooooooo

Okay, so... this story starts with accidental murder.

A typical day for Eight.

Good morning, Fitz! Eight has already accidentally killed someone!

Anji must be so tired of this bullshit.

Implying you are competent.

Well I'm sad now

Okay WHAT

That was lovely, and I kinda teared up??

I like this character!

HERESY

I’m still not used to this, by the way.

I can confirm.

Anji and Fitz are like “oh no, here we go again”.

azsdfghhgfggff

Wait wait wait, wasn’t this in the audio Find And Replace?

I don’t know why, but imagining this scene cracks me up.

It's like discovering Lord of the Rings is now suddenly all about possums.

Was that ever in doubt

I was just joking about the Lord of the Rings parallel, guys...

Is... is that the in-universe version of Narnia?

Welcome to the TARDIS, Flossie!

I hope nothing too horrible happens to you.

EXCUSE ME, THIS IS TERRIFYING

Okay oh shit where do I even start:

Emily is a companion we’ve never heard about before.

The Doctor forgot she existed.

However, ‘1960s teenage gear’ and the fact she doesn’t recognise Eight suggests she was a friend of One, or maybe Two. We don’t really know the Doctor’s age at that point, but there’s a good chance she’s been there for at least 800 years.

I keep joking about people getting lost in the TARDIS forever. Suddenly that joke sounds horrifying.

It gets worse. This is Eight’s original TARDIS, but some disturbing shit happened to it over the course of the EDAs.

So, presumably, Emily was there when it got turned into a small cube and slowly regrew for an entire century. There’s a good chance she was reconstituted with the rest of the TARDIS after being destroyed/crushed/killed when the TARDIS was similarly destroyed/crushed/killed.

It gets even worse.

Remember the Edifice in The Ancestor Cell? That gigantic bone-like version of the TARDIS where everything looked either dead, ossified or disturbingly deformed? Well, she was somewhere in there.

Sweet dreams.

Well, that’s Classic Who’s budget for you.

So we have the in-universe version of Lord of the Rings, Narnia, and now this guy. That could be various authors, actually.

Mental picture:

IT HAS BEGUN.

This is so fucking weird.

Hmmmm.

There’s a good chance they can watch the episode A Christmas Carol, then.

Wait, do they have human pets? That’s a disturbing thought in an otherwise weird and funny concept.

Of course he is.

Hilarious but still fucking weird.

Asfdfssgsdfsdfsfdfsshdgfff

gfdsstjsyjyfghfff FITZ, NO.

I mean yeah, it’s true, I know you’ve been in far worse situations, but you’re enjoying this a bit too much.

AQZDSTGSGFWSGFSGFAAAFFF FITZ NO

Oh. Great. They filmed Lord of the Rings with dogs.

Well I prefered the LotR version anyway.

I’m still not used to this whole dog-with-hands thing either.

No, you’re not.

Oh. I forgot about her.

Same, Fitz, same.

I like Flossie. Can we keep Flossie?

“We are poodles, Doctor. Of course we know of such things.”

This fucking book is hysterical.

Oh no you didn’t.

Ooooh they're gonna meet the author!

Don't make me sad in a book with talking dogs

I SAID “DON’T”

“lugubrious precision”

STILL TOO FUCKING SOON

That it, that’s Fitz in a nutshell.

Meanwhile, Anji wonders if she really wants to go home.

Okay, okay, I know this is a very long screen, but I love this dialogue.

Oooohhhh, okay, that’s how he fits in the plot.

I love this.

Oh, so Freer rewrote the book? Who’s Freer anyway? Why is he doing this

You're acting stranger than him, Doctor.

Fitz what the fuck are you wearing

What is her role in all this?

FITZ. NO.

(I think this book has the highest amount of “Fitz no” moments in all the EDA range... so far)

Flossie is brilliant and I love her.

She’s brilliant AND hilarious.

I LOVE THIS WHOLE FUCKING SCENE

Meanwhile Anji has just discovered the best timeline.

I guess this guy is Georges Lucas in this timeline.

Whoops!

The guy who writes the in-universe version of Narnia featuring Iris and her bus instead of a wardrobe based his Iris Wildthyme character on Baba Yaga. This is the best thing ever.

Have you really

SUDDENLY, MORE TALKING DOGS

I can’t fault her logic.

FLOSSIE NO DON’T EXPLAIN EVERYTHING

To be honest I would have done the same but still

Hold on, what

(I’m sorry this was way too tempting)

Wait, what’s going on? What is the animator’s role in that timeline then?

Well, that was embarrassing, Doctor

What

WHAAAAAT

Holy fuck

DON’T TALK TRASH TO MY SON

WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT

IS BRENDA SOOBIE SECRETLY IRIS WILDTHYME

This is all getting very complicated, especially for a book about talking dogs.

Alid Jag isn’t dead and he’s using a human as a puppet

What the fuck is going on

It’s a bus, isn’t it.

I FUCKING KNEW IT.

I concur, too

The in-universe equivalent of Harryhausen brought his entire army of stopmotion creatures to attack the in-universe equivalent of Lucas and I absolutely love it.

Meanwhile, Tyler is still faceless.

I feel like there’s other, parallel adventures going on somewhere on this train. What’s up with the hat full of kittens?

This goddamm book, I swear

I LAUGHED SO FUCKING HARD

No, actually.

azertytresdfghfdfg what

Fitz is like “oh no not this bullshit again”

Not sure if this is a very good or a very bad idea.

Pfffft “Imperial Poodles”

The Hoth battle, except better.

So wait, is he the Master or just a guy who likes to be called ‘the master’?

Is... is he just an annoying fan of the book who wants to rewrite the canon to put all his headcanons in it

Laughed way too hard, again.

And not a single fuck was given by Eight that day.

Only in a Magrs book!

Oh, ok then.

They are so casual about it.

Oh, so that’s how he got his face back.

I laughed.

AND NOT A SINGLE FUCK WAS GIVEN THAT DAY²

Pinking shears that can cut through space and time. Just accept it, Anji.

NO IT WASN’T

Don’t give him ideas!

“When he was a very old man”

Eh eh

FUCKING SAME, NOËL

The main villains are all the people who were supposedly dead at the beginning of the story asdfghgfdfghgfdfg

Does anyone care what Fitz thinks

Ok.

Donna would be happy to know the Planet of the Hats and the Planet of the Boys probably exist, then.

Okay okay I know this is supposed to be a cool explanation but the resulting mental picture is hilarious

Don't spoil us the ending, Noël

This fucking dude invoked a poodle during a black mass. I can’t.

Why is this book so funny

THIS IS A TRAINWRECK

It’s Lord of the Rings again!

Thank you Captain Obvious!

Well, yes, sort of

Aww Iris noooo don’t cry

STOP MAKING ME SAD

THIS IS TOO CUTE, STOP

THIS FUCKING BOOK STARTS AND ENDS WITH ACCIDENTAL MURDER

Actually, Narnia would be a lot more fun with a double-decker bus.

So, in the end, Flossie is still alive at the end of this book, and even if she won’t stay in the TARDIS, she gets to travel with Iris instead! Even better!

I'm so happy for her :D

HE REALISED IRIS IS LIKE HIM

I’M SO HAPPY

THIS IS A GREAT ENDING A++

I TAKE IT BACK, THE LAST PAGE IS EVEN BETTER

THANK YOU MR. MAGRS FOR THIS GIFT

[slashyrogue]

so uh...you doing prompts? #6 the handcuffed in a cabin one or forced proximity? yeah, yeah, all that. I am not a trash possum...lol

So this is nothing at all like the prompt but I asked the trash possum that did not send me this if it was ok they said yes lol.

********

The infuriating scent of one particular omega was following Nigel around.

He smelled it every damn morning in the gas station where he bought his cigarettes, even sometimes late at night when no one in their right fucking mind should be coming out especially an unmated omega.

Also in the park where he watched the stars nearly every evening after getting off from the bar, forcing himself not to wander the entire park for the fourth time trying to find the source.

The worst of it was that he was almost certain the smell was coming from someone who lived in his building, but he’d never smelled this omega before and when he asked got cagey looks from most of the other tenants.

“Fuck, it’s not like I’m going to maul him. Just please tell me who…”

Mrs. Gronch poked him in the chest for the fourth time that week, stepping up into his space, “You leave him alone! He’s a good boy!”

So Nigel was resigned to smelling his elusive omega and jerking off to memories of the scent more often than he even went out to fuck a real omega. His hormones were in a fucking frenzy, he once found the scent particularly strong at the supermarket aisle near the macaroni and cheese, grabbing boxes and sniffing them like an animal till the manager told him to leave.

He ate macaroni for a fucking week straight till his senses were right again.

This went on for nearly fourteen weeks before the omega made his appearance, but before that he stopped being anywhere at all.

Nigel went through a withdrawal the likes of which he’d never known, scouring a fourteen block radius and going to the omega’s favorite places ripping apart bushes in the park after he found an old bottle that still smelled fairly of his omega and taking it home to sleep beside.

Oh he was fairly certain now that the omega was his.

The research he’d done about this proved that, natural scent and true mates. Nigel was the proud half of a true mated pair, which was cause for celebration according to Darko who ignored the gaunt look of his cheeks and the shaking.

He went a week without his omega’s scent until one morning he woke to a shirt hanging off the back of his doorknob.

Nigel whimpered and held the shirt to his face all damn day, tearing up at the scent and moaning as he clutched.

He didn’t realize there was something in the shirt pocket until it fell on the floor a little after midnight, a piece of a paper with a phone number.

Nigel grabbed his cell off the bedside table quickly, his hands shaking as he dialed and waited for an answer.

“It’s very late.”

He inhaled, closing his eyes before letting out a breath. “Darling, I don’t give a fuck what time it is.”

A pause.

“Mrs. Gronch says you’re upsetting to look at and she thinks you’re a bad alpha.”

Nigel sneers, “That fucking…”

“You swear a lot.”

He bites his tongue, the idea that some goddamn old woman would even be able to ruin this for him making him tense.

“My father doesn’t want me to meet you, but I told him that we’re true mates so he’s kind of impressed that you’ve held out for so long.”

Nigel relaxes, chuckling. “Is he? Your alpha.”

“My father isn’t an alpha, he’s a beta. I work from home, so I’ve never met many alphas who weren’t strangers, but I’ve seen you.”

Nigel can feel his body relaxing at the sound of his omega’s voice, the approval mixed in with a natural soothing tone making him sleepy. “Darling, I’m fading.”

The omega pauses. “Soothing?”

“Yes.”

Another pause. “I’d like to see that. What does it feel like?”

Nigel can barely keep his eyes open as he mumbles, “Falling into a warm bath, listening to my favorite song in all the goddamn world.”

“My name is Adam,” the omega sighs, “Adam Raki.”

“Nigel,” he can barely get out before he falls.

When Nigel wakes up he feels better than he has in weeks, hurrying to the door and down the stairs to stare at the names beside the buzzers.

Raki is written in neat block letters for 312, and he rushes up two extra flights from his own place to knock on his omega’s door. The minute it’s opened and he sees Adam Raki for the first time, smells him close, and hears, “Nigel,” he does the strangest damn thing.

He faints, falls right over into a heap, and minutes later he’s woken by Adam scenting his neck. They’re in a bed, Adam’s bed, and he can feel his cock full and rock hard as Adam writhes against him.

“Darling…”

Adam lifts his head, his pupils blown, mouth wet, and Nigel groans when he smells slick in the air.

“Alpha.”

Old man Raki comes home three hours later to his son pink cheeked and fully sated, Nigel grinding against his bare ass to spill and forcing himself not to give the mating bite to someone he’s only just met.

He’s barely able to stop himself from biting before he comes, howling as Adam pulls him into a kiss and the door closes with a slam just as Nigel shakes as he spills against Adam’s hole.

For almost a year Michael Raki won’t even let him back into their apartment, but who the fuck cares?

Adam prefers his place before long anyway.

[patheticphallacy]

Throughout every year, I don’t just read. As is made obvious by my Film Friday and Music Monday series, I love to talk about pretty much everything I come into contact with- films, TV, video games, music- you name it, I enjoy it!

In this post, I won’t be talking my favourite books of 2018, but I will be talking about pretty much everything else I enjoyed this year, starting wiiiiith….

  F I L M S 

Bohemian Rhapsody: a very divisive one. I went with my sister to see it and it was such a lovely experience;  I know some people hate the way bisexuality was portrayed, but I loved it.

Set It Up: I love Zooey Deutch. Also, if you ever want to see people acting drunk and doing it accurately, watch the pizza flirting scene, cause it’s amaaazing!

Venom: this film was trash and I love it! The cryptid love story we’ve all been waiting for Marvel to commit to since the original Spider Man noughties films.

Thor Ragnarok: ya girl can’t remember if this was a re-watch in 2018, but I’m including it. So beautiful and colourful. Infinity War could never have characterisation quite like this film  :]

Baywatch: I realise I’m just exposing my terrible taste in movies, oh dear. I put off watching Baywatch because of all the criticism, but I actually loved watching this with my dad. It’s funny as heck, has looooads of eye candy to satisfy my bisexual heart, and I actually love all the romances! [also Logan Paul gets dragged in this film]

Howl’s Moving Castle: My first Studio Ghibli [don’t yell at me] and I loved it! More than the book, actually, which was a surprise. I love Sophie, and Howl lives for the drama, which I can respect.

Kubo and the Two Strings: This is amazing. So soft and wholesome, amazing stop motion animation, an incredible look into feudal Japan and Japanese culture, and just left me feeling so warm inside!

Clue: I am so ashamed that I only watched this film for the first time in 2018. It’s so funny, to the point where I literally cried watching it, and I’m glad I watched it with my sister, who makes everything we watch together even better with her commentary.

The Duff: I am so glad this adaptation was good, even if it did get rid of all the sex positivity talk from the book. It’s super cheesy, but the romance is developed well, and I loved Mae Whitman as Bianca!

The Shining: My sister forced me to watch this after years of being a chicken who only saw the clips from Twister [the best disaster movie, holla] and was bored by the book [don’t come after me, my opinions on things are pretty all over the place and I stand by my dislike]. I have a great picture of my sister drinking a glass of milk and melting down all her easter eggs to dip strawberries into as we watched the film.

  T V  A N D  A N I M E

My Hero Academia: I watched the dub and I love it. Clifford Chapin as Bakugou? Amazing. Clifford Chapin giving a whole rundown of Bakugou’s character that made me love my angry misunderstood boy even more? SHOWSTOPPING, SPECTACULAR, OWE HIM MY LIFE.

Runaways: Seeing Gregg Sulkin and Ariela Barer portray my favourite couple in comic book history destroyed me. Ariela Barer killed it with every single outfit, and she’s only a year older than me, so I’m hoping we’ll bump into each other one day and we will fall in love. A girl can dream, okay?

Over the Garden Wall: My third re-watch of this animated show! I go hard for the Southern Gothic!

The Alienist: This show is so so dark, and I still haven’t quite finished season 1, but it’s incredible as both a period piece and a crime drama. Also has disability rep, Jewish characters, a man questioning his sexuality, and a woman in a main role who kills it, which is pretty new to me for a period show!

Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood: Uh, no offence, but this is the superior FMA anime. I’m still not quite finished, as I’m still reading the last few volumes of the manga, but boy I love the dub. I tend to watch this while I do other things on my phone or blogging, so I always lean towards the dub.

The Haunting of Hill House: Would I die for the Crain siblings and also the fact that the fifth episode at the funeral was filmed in 5 shots? YES. Did I actually die during that scene in the car in episode 8? 100%. I cried from fear at that scene. I had to go to sleep because it scared me so much. A beautiful ghost story, one that has cheap Hollywood jump scares quaking.

Criminal Minds: I included that specific poster because it has my three favourites on it. I’ve managed to watch over 4 seasons of Criminal Minds since December 1st, while I was completing uni reading and research for essay, and I honestly must congratulate myself for my dedication. It’s cheesy and not entirely accurate, but I love it anyway, and would willingly give my life for Dr Spencer Reid without thinking twice.

M U S I C

Reputation by Taylor Swift: A 2017 release I only truly appreciated this year. I had a rough time with a lot of stuff, and listening to Taylor Swift validate being angry kind of made me feel better? In a way that I don’t want people to look too deep into, thank you very much, I still uphold my Hufflepuff standing, but I am allowed to be angry and frustrated with the way people use me [thank you to all the Slytherins in my life for teaching me that!] [favourite song is End Game]

A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships by the 1975: Anxiety! Online culture! Matty singing more about addiction! I love this album, and cannot wait to see them at the O2 in January. I’ve been listening to them since midway through November nonstop. [favourite song is Sincerity is Scary, but my favourite 1975 songs are probably [So Far] It’s Alright and Medicine]

MANIA by Fall Out Boy: Fall Out Boy are really still killing it! This album has religious undertones throughout, which I loved, and it’s so loud and angry! Hell yes! [favourite songs are Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea and Heaven’s Gate]

The Now Now by Gorillaz: Really, all of Gorillaz albums got me through this year. I spent at least a month only listening to them and watching all their music videos in chronological order. [favourite song is Fireflies, but my favourite Gorillaz songs are Melancholy Hill and Every Planet We Reach Is Dead!]

V I D E O  G A M E S

So…. the only video game I got into, again, was Night In the Woods? Woopsie?

Night in the Woods is about an anthropomorphic cat called Mae, who moves back to her home town of Possum Springs after dropping out of college. While it focuses mainly on Mae’s friendships with Bea [a snarky smoking alligator]; Gregg [a fox, and her childhood best friend]; and Angus [a bear, and Gregg’s boyfriend], there’s also major themes covered that I love in these small-town set stories, as well as stories in general: mental illness, family struggles and found families, and ‘the slow death of small town America’. It’s SOOOO GOOD, and I highly recommend it, especially for the story.

There was another bit of video game news I thought I’d talk about, as well as put down here certain games I have yet to watch people play, but am planning on doing.

THE LAST OF US 2 YAAAAAAY! I am such a big The Last of Us fan, so much so that I literally cried when I first saw the trailer/footage from the second game. The return of everyone’s favourite lesbian, Miss Ellie Williams, and everyone’s favourite gruff dad, Mr Joel Miller, so I’m buzzing. So so excited.

Now, two video games I swear I’m going to get to:

South Park: The Fractured but Whole: The Mysterion episodes of South Park have always been my favourite, so having a whole video game centred around them as superheroes? A DREAM. I also can’t wait to see Craig and Tweek, and Butters [who is my favourite South Park character besides Kenny!]

Finding Paradise: this is the sequel to To The Moon, one of my favourite video games of all time, so I am highly anticipating getting to this finally! I just need to know what’s in that pill bottle, okay?

  And that is all of my favourites! What films, TV shows, music and/or video games did you enjoy in 2018? Anything you’re excited for in 2019?

Thank you for reading, and happy new year!

  Favourites of 2018: Films, TV Shows and More! Throughout every year, I don't just read. As is made obvious by my Film Friday and Music Monday series, I love to talk about pretty much everything I come into contact with- films, TV, video games, music- you name it, I enjoy it!

[zefurrwrites-blog]

Commission - Outbreak

Virus epidemics are such BULL crap huh? http://www.furaffinity.net/view/24932831/

----

“It has been several years since the Form Unraveling Retrovirus has surfaced. Officials would like to remind the public the dangers of contact with the infected as the disease spreads very easily. Those who are infected experience drastic alterations to their DNA structure. The United States has seen a significant divide between the healthy and unhealthy persons. Since the formation of the New United States three years ago, the government has split the country into factions attempting to contain the spread of disease. Their efforts have stopped mass outbreak but citizens worry about the unstable future of their country and world.” The television set was turned off and a young man about 20 years of age got up from the loveseat and stretched his 6’3 frame. Green eyes stared down at his friend Fernando in the chair across from him. “What they don’t tell you is that this disease makes you queer” “What are you on about Ricky?” Fernando asked swiping away on his phone. Ricky walked in the kitchen of their apartment and reached in the cupboard. “Remember Marcus? Big dude, meathead, bangs a different girl every day of the week?” “What about him?” Fernando asked looking over his shoulder. “Lexi told me she heard HE got infected with the F.U.R virus and totally became a fruit” Ricky said grabbing chips. “And here I thought this thing turned you into some animal hybrid thing” Fernando laugh. “Yeah, really funny smartass. But now he’s the one getting fucked like a chick. We’re outta chips by the way.” Ricky said letting out a loud belch. Fernando sighed and rolled his eyes. “You’re such a pig, Ricky.” “Whatever you say Mr. Perfect” Ricky said grabbing his jacket. “I’m going for a run.” “This late at night?” “No one around, cool breeze, quiet, it’s perfect” he said and was out the door. --- It was nearly two in the morning and his roommate hadn’t returned yet. Normally Fernando would’ve have cared but security around the district had me tightened ever since the sighting of some infected last week. He grabbed his own coat and keys and went out the apartment door down a floor and out the building. He went to the nearby park he knows his roommate frequently visited but didn’t see him anywhere. Fernando ended up checking all of Ricky’s usual hangouts to no avail. The man wasn’t answering his phone either which was also unusual. “He loves to hear himself talk” Fernando snorted amused at the thought. Distracted by his web browsing, Fernando didn’t see the figures approaching him until it was too late. They gagged and restrained him, the action making him drop his phone in the struggle. Muffled, he tried yelling for help until a sickly sweet scent clouded his senses and he fell unconscious. --- When Fernando woke it was still dark out. Or at least that’s what he thought with the blindfold on. He tugged the wrist bounds behind his back only to find them restrained. The same with his feet. He was still gagged and resting on something that smelled sweaty and familiar. There was movement off to his right and a flash of light before it dimmed again. He heard laughing from several individuals before there was brief silence again. “Let’s see how you humans like the ridicule” the unknown voice said to his groggy mind before the sickly sweet scent returned along with a bitter salty taste. Then Fernando fell unconscious again. When Fernando woke again he could see again, although with how dark it was there wasn’t much to see. He was also no longer gagged or restrained either. Still resting on the same something from before, he got up sighting and saw it to be Ricky, still in his workout clothes. They were deserted in some back alley. “Okay, so we were kidnapped and taken somewhere and…left?” he wondered aloud. Ricky stirred back in consciousness groaning. “How much did I drink last night?” he said sitting up rubbing his head. “You weren’t drunk. Pretty sure we were drugged and kidnapped. Where the hell we are, I don’t freaking know.” Fernando said irritably getting up from the cold ground. Ricky followed suit stumbling slightly. The two walked out the alley wary of their unfamiliar surroundings. Fernando saw a figure that made him stop cold in his tracks making Ricky bump into him. Ricky was about to protest when Fernando dragged him back around the corner to a different alley covering his mouth. When he saw the coast was clear he removed his hand “What the HELL was that for?” Ricky whisper loudly. “Whoever took us dropped us off in an infected city” Fernando said worriedly. Ricky’s face dropped and he slumped down the brick wall. “What the hell are we gonna do!?” Fernando asked. “How should I know? You’re the idea guy!” Ricky shot back. Fernando started pacing in the alleyway. A thought occurred to him and he checked his body for any signs of infection. “Nothing” he thought relieved. “Okay wherever we are seems to have a lot of alleys and it’s dark out, so as long we stay quiet and unseen, we can try getting out of here.” Ricky nodded. The two went on to traverse the back alleys of the unknown, infected city. Hiding out, they saw varying humanoid hybrids no doubt victims of infection. Some of them even openly engaging in perverse, sexual actions. “I don’t wanna end up like that, man” Ricky whined running his hands through his much thinner hair. “Shut up and we won’t” Fernando whispered back harshly adjusting his pants. Whoever had kidnapped them definitely didn’t want them escaping. Navigating was hard when you couldn’t risk asking for directions. Neither boy had their phones either losing them after being kidnapped. “Man I’m starving” Fernando thought dryly. They’d been walking for hours now and night was nearly over. The sound of plastic wrapping caught his attention and he turned around seeing his friend stuffing his face. “Ricky!” the boy said in a harsh whisper. “What the fuck?! Where did you get that?” Ricky’s cheeks lit up in embarrassment before his swallowed his mouthful. “Promise not to be mad?” he asked. “I definitely do not promise. Ricky I swear to go-” “It was from the trash back there. It was hardly eaten. I just ate around it. Dude, I was sooo hungry.” Fernando groaned loudly rubbing thicker palms over his face. Ricky hiccupped which sounded suspiciously like a squeals “DON’T do that again. You’re literally asking to be infected duuOOOde” Fernando said clamping his hands over his mouth. “What the fuck was that?” Ricky asked. “I don’t fucking know!” Fernando shouted back. He didn’t know why he was suddenly so angry. Air even shot out of his much more enlarged nostrils. “Still haven’t figured it out boys? Or just don’t want to acknowledge the obvious?” a voice said from behind them making the two jump. Fernando recognized it as one of the voices when they were kidnapped. He wasn’t alone either. Their kidnapper stepped into the light revealing himself to be a raccoon looking hybrid. The other three behind him were a skunk, badger and possum, all dirty and barely clothed. A mixture of cut and uncut cocks hung from their animal sheaths. Some even dripping with tainted semen. The sight made the two boys drool a bit before getting ahold of themselves. “Ah, I see the infection worked quicker than expected?” the raccoon guy said taking in their slightly altered appearances. Fernando’s blood ran cold at the thing’s words. “What the hell are you queers talking about!?” Ricky growled. “When we kidnapped you, rather easily by the way, we gave you each some of our cum in your vulnerable states” he said smiling wickedly. Ricky eyes bulged before he bent over both in pain from his backside and also from unsuccessfully trying to vomit. Fernando got angry all over again and lunged for his kidnapper who easily side stepped him. He fell breaking his fall of bags of trash. “Now now, no need to lose your temper Fernando” “How the hell do you know my name!?” Fernando said getting up. “We’ve been watching you and your friend for a while now. You humans look down on us because of this virus. See us as second class citizens. Nothing much animals beneath your feet. Well guess what, now you will be too.” “You can’t do this to us! It’s illegal” Ricky groaned clutching his expanding stomach. Some parts of skin paled to a whitish color before settling on a soft pink. He no longer felt pain in his back as a spiny tail poked its way through his ruined jogging shorts. “Come now, you don’t actually think we care about legalities in District 87 do you?” raccoon guy said laughing. Fernando hung his head in defeat. If they were in District 87, then they really were screwed. That’s a whole state over. Rumors of how depraved the infected are here spread almost as quickly as the disease. “We’ll cleanse the earth of humanity until only use ‘infected’ remain. Then there won’t be any need for these silly divisions between human and animal.” Fernando clutched his head in pain as ivory horns poked their way through his forehead. He could feel the changes accelerated by the anger he felt towards the hybrids. A whip-like tail rapidly grew from his backside and his fingers fused into three. His nails hardened into a keratin-like substance and soon he had hoof hands. Ricky wasn’t doing much well off. His changes accelerated by the infected food he ate. His nose already formed into a snout. His hair was balding until just a tuff was left at the top. His hands also going through the same change as Fernando’s and the girth of his new weight tore the clothes he wore. Gone was the fit, athletic body he reveled over and in its place was a pudgy, fat pig’s body. Soon his changes were complete as his ears flopped over and he let out a squeal of panic. Raccoon guy laughed at the new victim. “Welcome to the family porkers!” He turned his attention back to Fernando who had gotten and lunged again this time catching him by surprise. Fernando had the guy pinned to the brick wall determined to put his horns to a much more grisly use. He didn’t get the chance though as raccoon guy’s friends tore him away and restrained him. “Hehe, you almost got me there. Figured the change would kill that fight you had left but apparently I was wrong” he said unzipping his pants and dropping them. Raccoon guy held his swollen cock in his paw and started jerking it. Fernando struggled to get free but even he couldn’t fight off three guys himself. Ricky was utterly useless having gave into his new instincts. He was stuffing his face with the remainder of his food from earlier. Raccoon guy’s face tightened up before he shot yellowed sperm all over Fernando’s growing muzzle. Some landed in his mouth and he involuntarily swallowed. That seemed to progress his remaining changes. Fur grew all over his body from his head to the tuft of his new appendage. His shoes ripped as his feet transformed into hooves. His horns grew out longer and his face pushed out further along with his nose. What Ricky loss in muscle, Fernando made up for in muscle as his arms and legs swelled with new tissue. The last change he went through was his own cock which darkened with splotches and swelled. It grew out wider and blunted into a flat tip at the top. His balls ballooned up as new, tainted splooge formed inside. Soon Fernando was just another animal like the others. Fernando stopped fighting then as his new mindset took over. The changes making him orgasm as well as he shot a copious load onto the alley ground. Lustful eyes stared up at the raccoon who returned the smile. Raccoon guy leaned in for a kiss which Fernando generously returned with his new, longer tongue. “Welcome home boys.” END

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