#I’m a human failure 😂

[mrs-snape5984]

“Can we always be this close…forever and ever?”

“My heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue. All's well that ends well to end up with you.” (“Lover” by Taylor Swift)

Today I want to share something more cheerful with all you lovely people of Snapedom, because - to be honest - considering my last few posts on this blog, they could suggest the idea, that I might not be the most zestful person around here. Well…guilty as charged! 😅So, please, take my apologies for my constant venting and complaining about ME/CFS and the ways, in which this bitch of a disease destroyed the life, I’ve known before. But this particular post will be dedicated to LOVE.

I know, I’m using this blog as my personal journal in order to cope with the hardships of my existence, always relying on my 21 years lasting connection with Severus Snape…who is undeniably the one true love of my life. Some of you might judge or mock me for being so pathetically devoted to a fictional character over such a long period of time, but believe me…my love for Severus is my safe haven!

Sure, I’ve tried to give other relationships a shot, but after some really traumatic experiences with men and women, as well as two failed marriages, I’m coming to the conclusion, that I’m better off alone. I must admit, that being doomed to endure a so called life in my bed, only surrounded by darkness and mostly solitude, definitely has an influence on this conviction. Who knows, if I’d have the same beliefs if I weren’t “un-dateable”…but this doesn’t matter anymore, since there’s still no cure for my disease.

And yet… (enter dramatic sigh here 😂)

And yet, I still believe in love, despite my own failures…despite all the pain, the sorrows, the humiliation and the traumas, I’ve been confronted with. I guess, being intelligent (or at least well educated) and overly realistic didn’t prevent me from being a hopeless romantic human being.

My adolescent twins are currently entering the phase of their first “loves”. I’ve taught my three children from the very beginning, that it doesn’t matter, whom they love, unless they’re feeling safe and happy about it. My daughter is proud to have her first girlfriend, even though she’s already facing some difficulties in her environment, due to her frank nature to enjoy her crush. For me - a woman, who’s living openly bisexual 🏳️‍🌈 since I’ve been 14 years old - it’s absolutely unbelievable, that there are still so many people in our society, who seem to stick to their restrained beliefs about sexuality and gender. I will always try to support my children in their journey of self-acceptance and self-discovery.

So, yes, I still believe in love…no matter how this love might look like. Even though I’m confined to this prison, which is formed by my disease, I was allowed to find some kind of deep love in my friends. I want to share a short poem with you (written by Whitney Hanson for her book “Harmony”) which reminds me of the love, that I feel for these friends of mine:

I have always loved the way

Music could make the world feel

Like it doesn’t exist

As if suddenly all my fears

Are swept away

Who knew

That there are people out there

Who could make me feel the same way

Another love, which makes my heart swell with joy, is my love to all those amazingly talented artists of Snapedom, for whom I’m rolling out the red carpet on my blog, by using their art as my very personal soothing balm for my troubled heart and soul. This time, I’ve commissioned the lovely @kruzbr for the very first time. I’ve been fallen for their Severitus comics, so I asked them to help me out with making my own version of Severitus, together with my undeniably self-inspired OC Jules, come to life.

Anderson, your understanding of my ideas and your kindness made it a pleasure for me to join the process of creating this mesmerising masterpiece of art. I’m beyond grateful for your service and I can assure you, that this won’t be the last time, I will commission you for another adventure of Sevy & Jules. The next idea is already stuck in my mind, so keep an eye on your postbox! Thank you for everything, my dear!

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

🖤Sevy & Jules🖤

[hanafubukki]

What's worst than Briar Valley's crazy princess ? The partner in crime she found in her sister-in-law. Gonna be funny if Y/n have an argument with Lilia and Dawny at home 😂

Y/n, dealing with emotional mess because of pregnancy, ran away to the castle and cry to Meleanor.

Y/n: Lilia is a jeeeeerk, a dummy, a failure of husband ! And Dawn isn't better ! He took his side !They're both idiot. Fools ! Criminals !

Meleanor: Such shame they are. I will strike them with a lightning if they dare to show their face.

Levan, passing by:....what happened ?

Meleanor: Lilia is a disgrace.

Levan:....yes ? What did he do ?

Meleanor: Being a disgrace. A fool. A insult to our entire race. Guilty of a crime deserving death. The other human is his accomplice.

Lilia's crime: he ate an apple. But it was a cute apple. She had family. Parents, siblings, husband, children. Y/n would have let her decay because she was a cute apple with a family, she deserved to stay with her family until the end of her life.

Moral of the story: beware the strange thought of your pregnant time traveler wife. She have a lot on her shoulders 😶

- 🦋 Anon

[Masterlist, specifically this Ficlet]

Hello 🦋 Anonie,

Lilia had to learn the chaos that came with Meleanor and her egg, now he's going to learn about pregnancy hormones and their effects. 😂 Good thing he's a General and has great survival skills, but if only he would be careful what he says 🤣 After all, humans are different from fae and more so when they are pregnant (assuming).

I love how Meleanor just straight up took YN’s side without even listening to her husbands 🤣🤣

Levan is out here being the rational one, but he's in the wrong crowed to be rational. He's already used to the chaotic sibling relationship with his wife and Lilia, but now he has another factor to consider.

The crime itself is hilarious. I only hear about crazy pregnant stories so I'm not surprised something like this triggered YN, especially given all that YN knows and dealt with.

YN's mind is probably comparing the situation with Lilia and Diasomnia before her time travel happened. Lilia is the apple that deserved to live amongst the other harvest and grow old and happy with them, and now Lilia ate it so it can't happen anymore. Much like how Lilia was going to leave his family. It definitely triggered YN's stress. (And now I’m over analyzing 😂😂)

She needs tender love and care, so many thoughts and feelings, especially now that hormones are increasing them ten fold.

[committingwarcr1mes]

mitski once said:

“i don't need the world to see that i've been the best i can be, but

i don't think i could stand to be where you don't see me”

and now i have to write this.

i really don’t get why people are so superficial about griffith, y’all like “nah, he always was evil vicious callous etc 🙄🙄🙄” and not even trying to look beneath, which is really discouraging because the eclipse arc made it very clear and showed everything in the most obvious way possible.

oh, remark: it’s only about berserk 1997.

so let’s start from afar. “griffith never cared of his people and friends, he easily betrayed them for batman costume 👻👻👻” like WTF?? he DID. he DID CARE. he sold himself to feed and equip his people, and it wasn’t like “he enjoyed f***ing that bearded guy ahshdjsa lmao 😂🤡🤡” (btw i don’t get this crap cause it seems like y’all are so obsessed with rape theme, but while feeling sorry for one victim you at the same time make fun of another. the hypocrisy of this fandom i can’t--). but return to what i’ve started. griffith always cared for his people; he never showed it and never admitted it even to himself, but he remembered everyone who died fighting for him, and i guess sometimes he really blamed himself for that — but again, never admitted it. those scenes weren’t given just for drama or something — these contradictions were always an important part of his character and determined his sight. failure would make victims meaningless. like people died for nothing.

another thing people don’t understand is that griffith never cared only about the power and the fact of becoming the king. people never strive to go on top just to go on top, all our actions are motivated by deeply personal reasons. so i think he really wanted people to follow him, believe in him, attach with his yearning. it always feels good when you see that people like you, need you, rely on you. that is what makes a leader a leader. of course you can say that it’s a selfish and vain wish, but aren’t all people selfish? you always set guts against griffith — so weren’t guts’ wishes and life stance selfish? i think it ridiculous to judge such things.

and now we get to the core — the need for love. love of thousands is pleasant, but in the end humans need something more than that. it’s lonely at the top, as they say. you still need someone to be close to, to trust and rely on. for griffith that “someone” was guts. “ wELL aCtUaLlY hE wAs NeVEr iN lOvE wiTH gUtS 🤓” oh STFU. you didn’t get the homosexual drama, but i did 🤭

and now i’m not going to speculate on was it healthy love or sElFiSh or tOxiC or pOsSeSiVe, i don’t care, you need to get that love can be twisted, sick, destructive, wrong, but it still LOVE. i agree that griffith did use guts for his own affairs, pulled in palace intrigues and etc, but it doesn’t change the fact that he had feelings for him that were able to confuse and mess him up.

“amongst the thousands of comrades... and the tens of thousands of enemies... there was only one man... you were the only one... who ever made me forget my dream” like WHY DO YOU THINK THIS NEEDED TO BE SAID??

their relationships deserve a separate paragraph actually so i won’t drive too deep. all we need to understand is that guts became too important to griffith and it was literally the end to everything he worked for during all those years.

so, guts decides to leave, nothing now can stops him. griffith is messed up and disordered, he’s crushed and isn't really aware of what he's doing. and it is a very good subtext here — he feels rejected, so he goes to charlotte who’s obviously in love with him and has sex with her. it’s a reckless impulse, a moment of weakness, and it leads to the only mistake that cost EVERYTHING. and then griffith is tortured, mutilated and losing even the possibility to talk.

retreat: i find quite interesting how easily he lost that fighting with guts. you can say “well it’s just because guts is stronger blah blah blah etc 🙄🙄🙄”, but i think it was probably about griffith’s subliminal unwillingness to hold someone who’s already decided to give up on him. however…

what is going on in griffith’s head during all these horrible events? guts. guts guts guts. logic chain is simple: he got here because of guts, he lost everything because of guts, guts is the reason for everything he has to pass through now. i’m not blaming guts, but it’s just how griffith was thinking there — which is not surprising, like imagine yourself going through this kind of torture while remembering whom have you been and what you were striving for. all can imagine, but not all can understand.

“and yet… here, in this empty, hollow world… one thing is clear in my mind. him alone… like lightning splitting through the darkness… he appears in my mind so vividly. over and over again like the waves of a tsunami… hatred… friendship… jealousy… frustration… helplessness… affection… sorrow… they all come together into a giant vortex… they pin my fading consciousness down so that it doesn’t slip away. the one who caused this… my confinement in this darkness… will now… become the only chance at survival. when did it happen? this man, whose life was once in my hands… when did i fall into his powerful clutches? and now… in my mind i see him radiating so brightly it pierces in my eyes. guts!” IN BLACK AND WHITE

and this was the moment when love started to turn into hatred; when the pain of abandonment is so strong that it destroys the rest of the feelings. no one made griffith go to charlotte and do what he did, and yet he was so messed up with guts’ leaving that he went and did it. and now he isn’t even able to talk, to walk and to hold anything with his hands. no more fighting, no more winning. no more way to fulfill his dream. all because of guts. and still, affection is living. that moment when guts & co came to save griffith and guts holding him, griffith stretches his arm to touch… or to choke him? guess we’ll never now. however, some kind of hope flared up in him again. guts came back, and probably it will get better…

but oh, it won’t. only worse.

moving on scene when griffith lays in carriage and hears guts and casca conversation on the outside. it’s a VERY important moment that many people overlook, but it is exactly what led to the eclipse events as they are. so, guts is going to leave again and offers casca to join him, casca refuses because she needs to take care of griffith, and when she said that guts decides to stay. with HER. for HER. not for griffith. the story repeats itself, and griffith is still not that significant for him.

and look what happens here. griffith’s people saw his injuries and knew that he can’t lead them any longer. one part of them is going to follow casca now, the other one — guts. they all gave up on him. so did guts. the last one, whose affection griffith desired the most. what is for casca… it is a pretty complicated moment, but a part of the problem here is feel of betrayal. you can think as you wish but i’m considering casca as more like a sister, a fellow, a loyal companion and an assistant to griffith, than a love interest. like yeah, he had a dream where he lives with her taking care of him in small nice house, but… i think it is a question of a habit. we saw two women in griffith’s life: casca and charlotte. charlotte could be a key to power, but i don’t think that griffith wanted to even remember her after the torture. casca, on the other hand, was the one who was near him for quite a long time. she cared for him, supported him. so if griffith needed to give up and live normal life like simple men do, he would choose casca as a partner just because there is now other woman. but at this moment casca took guts away from him. another betrayal. and of course, it starts the jealous.

after overhearing guts and casca’s conversation griffith gathering his strength and drives horses to… somewhere. i don’t think he was fully aware of what he was doing, most likely it was just an another reckless impulse, but he gets into a river and decides to 💀 himself. it was a peak of his despair, but accidentally the red behelit returns to him — and the eclipse starts.

no need to retell, just want to make clear two things: 1) why did griffith betrayed his friends for batman costume 👻👻👻 2) and why he raped casca

moment №1.

besides obviously outlined in the series “he built his way on corpses and he must go on with no regret blah blah blah ☝☝☝” there is a much more important element of disappointment. like yeah, griffith is definitely disappointed about people and affections by this point. he’s not a leader for his people anymore; if they still feel something for him, it’s more like a pity for the cripple. and of course — guts. affection that cost everything, the reason why he appeared in such a position.

so now he has a choice: to sacrifice something that only ruins and ruins and finally get what he dreamt of the entire life, or to choose things that once already destroyed him and live the rest of the life as a cripple even unable to speak. noble are those who chose the second option, but i absolutely and with no doubts understand griffith’s choice here.

so yeah, now griffith chooses the power over everything indeed. he chooses himself and only. good for him <3

moment №2.

the rape. and the reason why that sacrifice was so bloody and brutal. yeah, all the people who appeared there with griffith went through hell right before their death. i don’t think all these sufferings and such nightmares were needed, like just blood & flesh & bone would be enough to give a body to femto, and still it was as it was. why?

it was said that femto will be born on the ruins of griffith’s dream. THE RUINS. so i think there was ruins of his personality either. during the last year griffith survived dreadful torments, the physical pain he suffered is unimaginable, and the trauma that leaves after such horrible events is immense. and it’s not a rare thing when people who survived violence now want to bring that pain to others — to make others suffer like they have suffered. femto is a product of griffith’s worst angles of personality, of darkest things that lived in him. so yes, everyone had to anguish and die the most dire way possible.

same thing is with casca. griffith NEVER wanted to rape her, like WHY WOULD HE EVEN DO, but he was angry and jealous because guts chose her over him. femto soaked it and just did the worst thing possible to avenge. and THE CORE: femto did it in front of the guts, so HE could watch. it was never about casca. only about guts.

idk what to write in conclusion. griffguts completely devastated me. love is an evil thing. never do such 💋

[nancydrewwouldnever]

Remember the comment Tarantino made that was a bit insensitive the way he came off? He may not have been wrong.

Chris has never been a movie star without Marvel, but he was very well-liked on the internet for several years there. A lot of buzz, but not really anymore but he wasn’t ever movie star. He wasn’t exactly ‘actor’ either (in the vein of movie star vs. actor) Even Rian Johnson didn’t exactly want him right off the bat for KO, Chris had to push for it. He’s never been a good script picker, or maybe he doesn’t get the offers. But he pushed and he was good in that role. He doesn’t seem to push or fight for things often.

Marvel really made his career. It’s not a bad thing or something to be disappointed about. I’m sure many starving actors would love to switch places!

Without Marvel, he’s back to being a bad script picker. Everyone has duds, and I like cheesy action movies sometimes, but he hasn’t had a full blown win in some time, just so-so to it’s ok, not bad, not great response to projects. R1 just isn’t it. The CGI even looks horrendous.

I think a lot of us fans had rose-colored glasses on, or higher hopes for him post marvel, you know since he went on and on how much he wanted to direct post-marvel and all the things he wanted to do post-marvel contract. A lot of hype or excitement from himself and his words that seems to have fizzled.

Still fans out there that will defend him, but not as many as there used to be. I kinda went all over the place with my comment 😂 sorry about that but I definitely see what you mean with your last couple of posts.

I think there's many more forces at play than just Chris' own possible "bad script picker." For one, the very real fact that typecasting exists at multiple levels within the film business. Actors get typecast in the minds of producers, directors, casting agents, writers, agents, and probably their own friends/coworkers. How hard must those prevailing assumptions about you as an actor be to "kick" against? I think there's some freedom in the starting phase of a career when you audition for anything and everything, and that can bring in a little bit of variety to your career. But then, you get typecast as much by your successes as your failures. The big budget action flick you're in hits big? Then those are what your follow up offers are. Maybe a small, edgy indie movie you're in gets moderate buzz and good reviews. Then your agents probably see more of those come in to their desks with your name mentioned. It's hard to be seen as more than one thing, because the human mind likes things to be easily categorized as discreet signifiers.

So, I think it's possibly telling that while he was having huge success with Marvel, he wasn't going for other big budget action films (like Hemmy has). Instead, he was filming smaller things like Before We Go, Gifted, RSDR while still in his Marvel contract. He tried going back to stage while still in the Marvel contract. I think that shows that at least then he was still trying to push himself and possibly still grow in his craft. Now, were those the greatest projects? Probably not, but then the "better" level of small movies - the prestigious indies or awards bait films - are routed by directors/producers/casting agents/agents to the actors who are "typecast" as the kinds of actors who star in those films. And, unfortunately, he wasn't included in that category. Even now, when he seems to be somewhat trying again, you can see he's not being thought of for those kinds of movies first. That Marvel success was such a double-edged sword.

[whatbigotspost]

If you hate stuff like Enneagram just skip this post please BUT if you, like me, love this, I have to share my list of hand crafted “hard shit each Enneagram type needs to hear and internalize.” It’s like the heart of each types’ biggest social BS where they need to hear “let go and back off” of something or a challenging thing each type needs to learn to embrace.

I’m sharing it here instead of with people I know irl as they’ll each think it’s about them personally, since I know their types and am always talking about this stuff 😂 but it’s not at all about any 1 human. It’s my personal data tracking at play. After 10 years of being a geek about Enneagram, using it at work and in social spaces, and knowing countless types of my friends and coworkers, my brain can’t help but notice and index some trends. My super power of pattern recognition shows up like this sometimes.

anyway, here’s the hard truths I’ve got to share today!

Type 1: your way isn’t the “right way.” In fact, your way may be dead wrong for others. Your experience isn’t universal and trying to impose it will drive others away. Let go and embrace imperfection and total ambiguity.

Type 2: offers to help are not always welcome or experienced as a gift. Sometimes it’s actually hurtful when you bring a “fixing” mentality. Plus, feeling resentment when your offers are declined is counterproductive to your goals. Let go and embrace a lack of control or “doing.”

Type 3: sometimes you WILL fail and look bad. We all are human. When you let your self perception dip due to the perspectives of others at your humanity, you seem so much smaller and less than you really are. Get comfy being a mess sometimes and stop looking so desperate to save face. Let go and embrace failure.

Type 4: you simply aren’t the center of other folks’ worlds, but that’s actually good news. Most of the time, what others say or do has nothing to do with you and thinking it does, results in more emotional suffering. Let go and embrace the gifts of insignificance and it being not about you.

Type 5: you simply can never know it all and you must accept this. Information brings comfort, but you have to accept that some things have absolutely no “answer” and they can’t be reasoned with or explained by logic. Let go and embrace the potential and beauty within ambiguity.

Type 6: you have everything you need within you to be safe and secure. Continuously turning towards others to find, build, and seek security is risky, like outsourcing your moral compass. You’ve got all you need. Let go and embrace self-assuredness.

Type 7: just feel the goddamn shitty feelings with us for a while. Fun is great but it’s not always possible. Sometimes life genuinely sucks and we need you to sit in that fact and stop trying to see a bright side. Your optimism is needed but not 100% of the time. Let go and embrace reading the room when others need you.

Type 8: take a deep breath, roll your shoulders back, and just chill for a second. Your independence is a super power but you don’t have to fight so hard all of the time and you CAN rest and lean on others. Let go and embrace softness.

Type 9: suck it up, steel your spine, gird your loins, and say the hard thing. Peacekeeping is noble but only when everyone’s needs are actually known. Extreme passivity is as toxic to relationships as aggression when it results in resentments. Let go and embrace self advocacy.

[ch1meraa]

So I’ve decided to make a horror-verse version of Mandroid, who we will call ‘Victor’. In this au, Vic is reincarnated after the healing ray undoes the damage his energy weapon caused. After being brought back, Vic finds himself at a crossroads in life. His ultimate weapon was a failure and it cost him his life, seemingly for nothing. He is approached by Alex Malto, who still wishes to extend a show of friendship to the man he once knew. Vic is hesitant but also in a great deal of shock. With nothing to look forward to, he begrudgingly accepts and, in a sense’ ‘teams up’ with his former enemies against a new threat.

The new threat being the Plague Virus that is not only a threat to their face, but also to humanity as well. Mandroid’s original goal was to protect humanity no matter what, so that is still his objective. He’s definitely not going to be easy work for them, though. He still has much to sort through mentally as well as physically, as his form continues to be upgraded. I’m hoping to explore more of it with some comic panels going forward. Somehow I can’t get it out of my head, the idea of Mandroid becoming an anti-hero. It was necessary, I had to make it happen 😂👌🏼

It’s been ages since I did anything with my horror-verse but since chatting with @monocle-teacup I kinda feel inspired to now.

[silentxsymphony]

Seven Sentence Sunday

Some angst from the beginning of my piece that’s been rolling around my brain WAY too long inspired by a set of Don and Loki variants from the beautiful “I bet on losing dogs” by @dreamycloud 💕

Writer’s block has been kicking my butt for months, but I’m hoping to send this out into the world before too long…

The familiar thrum of his seidr was nowhere to be found, and whatever had been used to enchant the cuffs sent searing hot bolts of pain through his limbs with every fruitless effort he made to access it.

The Chitauri laughed as he continued to thrash and twitch against the cuffs, blistered red marks already appearing along his wrists. One of them grabbed the length of chain link connecting the cuffs and proceeded to drag Loki through the maze of the ship. Loki tried to focus on the winding path they took so that he could retrace it should an opportunity to escape present itself, but his head still felt jumbled and wrong from Thanos’ control. That combined with the agony of the cuffs and his blocked magic had him sweating and almost delirious with pain by the time he was unceremoniously shoved into a cell.

Loki would later come to find out that the Avengers defeated Thanos before he could unleash his plan to wipe out half of humanity, which meant he also never made it back to the Chitauri ship to convey his displeasure with Loki’s failure.

Over the seemingly interminable months that followed, Loki often found himself wishing for the quick death being crushed by Thanos’ hand would have offered.

I promise the whole fic won’t be this sad and whump-y 🫣

Tagged by @loki-is-my-kink-awakening 😘

Tagging: I feel like all my Automat server friends have already been tagged 😂 @in-my-loki-feels @elodiah @kcscribbler @doomed-spectacles @lokimobius @mirilyawrites @impulsemuppet And anyone else who wants to play!

[nsfwhiphop]

Watch this: 😂😂 Burn After Reading - What Did We Learn?

One of my favorite scenes from Burn After Reading is when the characters grapple with their confusion and failure.

What did we learn, Palmer? I dunno, sir. I don’t fucking know either. I guess we learned not to do it again. Yes, sir. But I’m fucked if I know what we did. Yessir, it’s, uh, hard to say...

The brilliance of this exchange lies in its absurdity—it perfectly captures how sometimes, despite all efforts, we end up not knowing what went wrong or what we even learned from the experience. The scene encapsulates that frustrating but familiar feeling of trying to make sense of a mess with no clear lessons to take away. It's a hilarious reminder of the human tendency to stumble through life, sometimes clueless yet determined to carry on.

Video #2 - Burn After Reading - No Biggie

[citylighten]

🖊️ 🎶 💘 🎂 🍝 😊 😥 for rosie and 💯 🔺 🐈 🍎 🖤 🍸 🧐 for pietro <3

This took me SO long to answer but that's because the questions were so good!!

🖊️ BALLPOINT PEN — does your oc have any tattoos? Do they want any (more) tattoos?

Rosaria has a tarot card tattoo on her arm and a rose tattoo on her thigh. The latter came a bit before she started her first college semester. It was her 17th birthday and her sister insisted that she needed a tattoo before her college journey began. Since Sonia is a tattoo addict and Sal also has a handful of tattoos (I need to make more of his but I'm lazy shh) for Rosaria to get one was like a ‘rite of passage.’ Either way, she likes her thigh tattoo because she thinks it looks like an intricate design when she puts on stockings. But the downfall of this is when she wears stockings with intricate designs, her tattoo is still visible and throws the design off. The tarot tattoo is more recent and it also serves as a display for how much she loves colored tattoos rather than black and white ones. Rosaria has seen some really cute tattoo ideas of flowers at the ankles or a kitten hugging the moon, and she would love them on her but, because of her career goals she thinks they could be very unprofessional or at worse, look immature. 

🎶 MUSICAL NOTES — what type of music does your oc like? do they listen to music very often?

She has a nostalgic love for 80s rock and 80s pop due to her parents always playing it when she was little. Beyond that she grew up in a house with all sorts of music: Sal loved rappers, Sonia loved rock! Rosaria found herself leaning towards indie pop and indie rock. Because I’m the sort of person who has to know what sort of music my OCs listen to so I can get into their headspace, I’m gonna name off some musicians! Tennis, The Bird and the Bee, Florence & The Machine, Lana Del Ray (she got into her during like, 2014 or 2013 tumblr. same with Florence), Mitski, Steve Lacy, and Toro y Moi.

💘 HEART WITH ARROW — what and/or who do(es) your oc consider the most important to them?

Her immediate family is very important to her, because it feels 'small and fragile.' Her mom died when she was going into Middle School, her dad began living his life self-destructively soon after therefore, Rosaria consequently grew up worried about her siblings dying young in addition to herself dying young. Her cat Briscola is also very important to her, because Rosaria feels like domestic animals depend on humans and consequently, if something happens to them its her fault and she's a failure in some way.

🎂 BIRTHDAY CAKE — when is your oc's birthday? how old are they? what are their sun, moon, & rising signs (if known)? what about their tarot card, ruling planet, & ruling number (if known)? do they fit the typical traits of these sun, moon, & rising signs? Rosaria’s birthday is March 26, she’s 28 going on 29 and her sign is Aries which hopefully puts every one of her confrontational scenes in a better context 😂 I’m gonna be honest and say Rosaria’s behavior is based on my grandmother who is also an Aries who switches from being a diligent worker, a sweet, pleasant, caring person, then the most combative person ever.

🍝 SPAGHETTI — what is/are your oc's favorite food(s)?

Grilled chicken wraps, tortellini with ricotta and spinach.

😊 SMILING FACE WITH SMILING EYES — what are your oc's career/general life desires? what do they want to get the most out of life? When Rosaria was a kid she wanted to be the President. Looking back, Rosaria recognizes she always wanted to make the world a better place, because in addition to fixating on history, she was obsessed with how the creation of laws and rules were formed. When she learned that people in government made laws, that’s when Rosaria decided: “oh! I want to be President so I decide which laws exist!” ‘cause you know, kids simplify logic like that. She wanted to be a lawyer in Middle School and High School, but by High School she felt like her family wasn’t likely to put her through Law School due to their low finances. Once she was in college, she majored in Communications because she felt like she would graduate quickly with some sort of [dead-end] job to satisfy her family. Rosaria still wanted to make the world a better place though, so she would always participate in activist rallies and protests.

As she studies to be a lawyer now, Rosaria still aspires to help people. [Unaware that Raphael allegedly wants her to be a consigliere.] I consider middle-aged Rosaria, in the Sink or Swim AU, to be an Immigration Lawyer which ties into her passion about helping others have a better life.

😥 SAD BUT RELIEVED FACE — is your oc prone to getting stressed out, or is it easy for them to keep their cool?

Rosaria is prone to anxiety. In a mild case she’s overthinking a situation, but in a severe case she’s having panic attacks. High levels of neuroticism runs on the father’s side of her family. But beyond that, a good deal of Rosaria’s general stress comes from her overworking herself and setting high expectations for herself. To receive bad feedback in college, or work, can send her into a brief depression.

💯 HUNDRED POINTS SYMBOL — share three random facts about your oc that others may not know. 1. Because he immigrated at seven years old and was thrust into English-speaking schools he struggled reading, writing, and speaking. Because this school was [shitty] and underfunded, apathetic teachers would consequently place Pietro in Special Education Classes that did not help him either. Dissatisfied with school [and seeing it as a place where he would just be humiliated] Pietro would stop going at fourteen years old. 2. His English gradually improved because his big sister, Donatella, would take him to the local theater every Saturday and they would watch movies. It was more of a listening experience than anything else.  3. Pietro was coerced into a sexual relationship with Daciano’s mother, Maria Falcone when he was twenty. Neither Ernesto or Daciano are aware of this. But, Pietro was residing with Ernesto and Maria at the time. Ernesto and Maria were splitting up, and Maria frequently made passes at Pietro wanting to fulfill a personal fantasy of having a young, fit guy fulfill her needs. As a result, Pietro felt to secure the fact he had a roof over his head, he had to sleep with Ernesto's wife.

🔺 RED TRIANGLE POINTED UP — does your oc know how to use any weapons? If it was required for Pietro to cut up a man, he could do it with expertise. This is because his father, Umberto, made his living as a butcher and had his sons assist with the shop. He knows how to cut chickens and remove their innards and just the same he knows vital spots on the human body. Frankly, he would prefer to use a gun to kill. 🐈 CAT — does your oc prefer a wide circle of friends or a few close friends? Pietro is a man with a few close friends. However, he feels it’s good to be sociable and know others: because when people think that they know you, they can be resourceful in times of need. Prison taught him the importance of keeping his circle small, but even as a child and teen Pietro was a quiet, observant boy. He could be in a group of people, only making a meaningful connection with roughly three or four other kids.

🍎 RED APPLE — where was your oc born? do they still live in/around their place of birth or do they live somewhere else? how do they feel about their birthplace? Pietro was born in Sicily [Tartosa] and now he resides in America so he is nowhere close to his birthplace. He misses Sicily, although he isn’t quite sure if he romanticizes his home country or not. Either way, Pietro isn’t fond of city living. Apartments terrified him as a kid - it’s too much noise and it didn’t seem right to stack people on top of each other. Houses located in busy districts are just as worse as the noise persists. He would rather live in quiet, unassuming suburbs where nothing happens or the countryside. However, living in the countryside means the commute to work would be too long, so Pietro settles for suburbia.

🖤 BLACK HEART — has your oc killed or seriously wounded anyone before? have they broken someone's heart and/or broken someone's trust? Hurting others comes with the nature of Pietro’s occupation. However, an instance of Pietro harming someone within Sink or Swim can be seen when he and others pummeled Mendel the dentist. Pietro has broken hearts and trust more on a profound level when it comes to his family. And that is something we will dive in later within this story’s narrative.

🍸 COCKTAIL GLASS — what is your oc's favorite alcoholic drink, if they can drink? Bourbon!

🧐 FACE WITH MONOCLE — is your oc more logical or emotional? Pietro is sneaky, but he is also logical and level-headed. He analyzes situations and he is a reflective thinker. He is capable of becoming emotional in certain situations, but it’s because something he really loves is on the line or something he cares about is at stake. Sometimes, you can get away with jumping and doing something risky when wrapped up in your emotions. But sometimes you can’t afford to. 

[alyjojo]

Next Major Life Change 🏃🏻‍♀️ - April 2024 - Virgo

Meditation: Random garbled messages, nothing in particular, but you were confident in saying these things, and when others would respond, you’d shrug your shoulders and say “I’m just saying.” 18+ reading, if you’re not 18+ gtfo for this one please.

What It Is: Mystic Healer 🏥, First Light 🌅 (bottom), Perfectionism, 8 Swords, Queen of Wands, 2 Swords, The Hanged Man

“Healing energy flows through you.”

“Beginning a new cycle.”

Be content to know perfection as a distant utopian goal to which we journey but never arrive.”

Your message is kinda cracking me up, very straight and to the point. Your next major life change is your HOE PHASE 😂 It’s time. You’ve kept yourself trapped behind a bunch of rules, standards, beliefs, lists, whatever else you pick and choose from, and Spirit is saying enough is enough. Quit waiting for someone that checks all 500 boxes and allow yourself to have fun with someone you have no intention of actually being with that long, yanno? Date. Have fun. It can be nothing, it was fun for a bit. Your inner hoe is trapped with 8 Swords, it’s definitely in there but it’s like you feel that it can’t escape, you’re the one keeping yourself locked up. Why tho? Even if you’re not single, what partner would complain by you looking hot and wanting to be more passionate?

Now for some there may be an issue with insecurity, about your looks superficially. You need to see things from a different perspective. What celebrities exist that you find attractive that maybe aren’t conventionally “attractive” and still you find them to be the cat’s meow? 😻 We all have one. You’re coming up as Queen of Wands so Spirit is flat out calling you very attractive - but the example is more like of course you’re not *everyone’s* cup of tea, how many people have you been ick about, that maybe ARE attractive? It’s energy 💯 You don’t seem to notice how appealing you are to others, or you feel this way inside and just cover it up. Like a nun. That’s hot I’m sorry, please let it out 😆 It’s possible for someone that there is a particular person you’re really into and intimidated by, because *they’re* very attractive, confident, passionate, and they scare you - or approaching them does. You could feel ignored, maybe you are ignored, maybe you’ve never even talked to them. So talk! Queen of Wands loves to be social, she’s usually pretty easy to talk to, eager even, because she loves the attention too. Compliment her and make her day (whichever gender w/e).

Why It’s Happening: The Tower, Ace of Cups, 5 Pentacles rev, Growth

“Feel open, willing, and proud of your desire to explore new opportunities for self-development.”

Either the last time you tried, it failed miserably and it’s taken forever to pick yourself back up from a perceived “failure” - which I don’t see. Growth is here, lessons learned, time has passed, you’re not the same person as whoever went through this rough time anyway, because you went through rejection. You fear that, but at the same time, it’s the worst that could happen. And you move on 🤷🏻‍♀️ Rejection is redirection, you don’t know what Spirit is saving you from - look at it that way. If you like someone, they could’ve entered a room one day and birds started singing, love at first sight energy coming through with The Tower & Ace of Cups. Was there a wind machine or are you imagining it? It’s probably lust but THAT’S OK - you’re human, congratulations. You want to feel swept away with passion, and I see that be possible for you, but you kinda have to open the door or even make a move - this person could be oblivious with 2 Swords. Especially if you go from never talking to always around. Something about this person makes you feel alive again, and heals something in you, which is the point.

If not a person, you could start working on your physical fitness, health, hair, makeup, a handlebar mustache idk what men do, get some joggers 😁, and open yourself up to positive attention from others. It will heal you to be flirted with, looked at, whatever the thing. Get yourself out of the house and among the people - feeling your best, whatever that is.

Advice: The Devil, 8 Wands, Knight of Wands rev with Dolphins 🐬, Affair (Venus Leo), Protection rev (Moon Aries), The High Priestess rev with Fish 🐠 rev and The Chariot

Oh man ok so, I don’t normally give this advice and wouldn’t except to very close friends, so use your discernment here. You need to have some hot & dirty nights with someone - that’s what I’m seeing 🥳. Messy, passionate, obsessive, chained to your soul, gonna fkn devour you - kind of nights. IF that’s something you’re wanting. Could just be talking about p0rn here and needing to get obsessive with that. Or take part in it even, idk. Explore yourself in new ways yanno. Your call. #justdoit so long as you feel into someone, attracted to them, they’re not a psychopath, I don’t see anything worrying it’s just the mom in me you know. There is something here about not wearing protection and that being reckless - don’t do that. Stock up 💯 If not that, this is saying let your guard down a little for people to show you something you wouldn’t let in otherwise. Maybe a reformed player is your future person. Maybe you’ll date around for awhile and realize you prefer this more than some committed long term thing. The High Priestess rev with The Chariot shows to be crystal clear with your plans. Don’t trick people, be honest. Fish rev, you’re not looking for a soulmate, you’re looking for a good time - not a long time. If that changes down the road…you’ll see, but for now it’s about fun. Or at least keep your expectations at that level and let Spirit surprise you if that’s their intention. The goal is to get in touch with a fiery, fun, and passionate person (you) that’s been caged up for too long, and it could’ve been you doing it to yourself! If it’s someone else you’re after, go get them! You could meet someone that checks all 500 boxes and still be bored or not even into them, just keep that in mind. Take healthy risks & feel good about it, that is what life is for ❤️ If going to the gym is your goal, be open about your journey, obsessive even, cutting out things that aren’t healthy for you anymore and enjoy this healing journey - which seems more literal than spiritual in your case. Spiritual too, quietly. As you build your confidence, you heal any past insecurities or abandonment issues, feelings of lack or wanting, there are lots of appealing fish, you don’t even have to be stuck with one, play the field. Someone here could meet someone they’re really into at the gym. If already coupled up, then you’re bringing the heat, or need to, bring some spice back into this connection 🌶️

[tarot-junkie]

I need to lose weight but I just can’t, like I get stuck in my head about my failure of a life and I just can’t focus in the moment to start trying to improve my life, I’m losing my mind. I hate that I’ve allowed myself to get to this place, people say mental health issues aren’t my fault but they sure as hell make me feel that way. It’s like all I see is how there’s no point in trying to fix things because everything is ruined but I still feel hopeful that if I got my mind right then I could be anything I want. Damn depression sucks. I’m not on meds, been there, it was awful experience but I think I can start doing the basics like exercise and eating right to help myself, my body and mind are just exhausted.

Omg this was supposed to be a sentence, sorry. I wanted to ask for a reading but then I vented. Lol 😆

Heyoooo

Listen. I’ve been there. Two steps forward, 3 steps back sometimes for me. Start off strong, give up half way. Very familiar with start-stop-restart-“shit this sucks”- stop. Usually I end up pretty frustrated bc I KNOW I can do better.

But also I’m human and it’s one day at a time.

So I asked for advice.

3 of wands, queen of wands Rx, knight of swords.

Big picture is so hard to always gel with- because it’s easy to say you know what you want. The trouble is getting there. The queen sits in front of your big picture like “nah. Nope. No” and she is all of those things you’re describing about your journey. Dispassionate bc it’s like “damn this is a lot.”

Advice is to turn Queenie around. I said this in another post a bit ago- but break that big picture down. Losing weight is hard af. But are there ways you can start to replace things in your diet? (Think …as an example…you’ll stop drinking soda. Then instead of unhealthy snacks, replace one with a fruit you like). Simple changes. I also recommend, though I had some will-power issues when I got a cold….intermittent fasting. And it doesn’t have to be the crazy GO 20 HOIRS WITHOUT EATING. Nah. Do 14, and then 10 when you can eat. Small steps.

Keep in mind it takes a bit. I got discouraged counting calories. Eff that noise. 😂😂

The idea is to keep us simple, attainable and to cheer yourself on with these methods. That knight is all about charging forward towards your goal, and all you really have to do is work towards taking the first step.

God. I hope that all made sense 😂

[asianpoplover143]

(Imaginem que o Cobra e o Murayama adotaram o Chiharu como filho deles)

*Enquanto isso no chat do grupo*

Cobra: Quem foi?

Murayama: Quem foi o que amor?

Smoky/Rocky: Como assim?

Noboru: Acho que ele quer saber quem criou esse grupo e o motivo disso

Fujio: Quem é essa gente toda aqui?

Noboru: Não sei, mas contanto que o ninguém do Kuryu esteja aqui….

<>Kirinji: Opa, alguém me chamou?

Murayama: Ninguém te chamou não pet invisível

Yamato: Ele tá mais para fracassado 😂

<>Kirinji: Calados seus humanos inúteis e insignificantes 😒

Hyuga/Ice: NINGUÉM LIGA MAS O LÍDER DE GANG/PLANEJADOR DE FESTA FAVORITO DE VOCÊS CHEGOU!

Cobra: Você tem razão, ninguém liga e o meu líder de gang planejador de festa favorito é o Rocky…

Hyuga/Ice: Não falei com você namorado do repetente da Oya High

Chiharu: Pelo menos meu pai não é um covarde que foge no meio da luta 😂

Hyuga: mas esse ai que você tá falando é o Jesse 🤔😂

Cobra: Isso aí filho, me defenda 💅

Chiharu: Sempre papai 🥺🫶

Ice: Magoei, estão fazendo complô contra mim e contra o Hyuga! Não gostei, vou começar uma luta sem motivo e atacar pessoas inocentes e gangs amigas sem motivos, “aprisionar” eles e obrigar eles a ficarem me assistindo fazer rap lá no Funk Jungle 💅

Chiharu: Coitadas dessas pessoas, acho que o padrinho Noboru era mais feliz quando ele tava com o Kirinji no Kuryu do que essas pessoas tendo que te aguentar 🙈

Ice: Ah la!

Noboru: Se for fazer uma comparação dessas eu prefiro aturar o Ice…

<>Kirinji: Assim você me magoa Noboruzinho

Noboru: Não vou falar palavrão pois tem criança no grupo, mas “vai se ferrar” Kirinji 😒

Murayama: Só observo 👀

Cobra: Agora eu também amor 👀

••

(Let’s imagine that Cobra and Murayama adopted Chiharu as their son)

*Meanwhile in the group chat*

Cobra: Who was it?

Murayama: Who was what love?

Smoky/Rocky: What do you mean?

Noboru: I think he wants to know who created this group and the reason for it

Fujio: Who are all these people here?

Noboru: I don't know, but as long as nobody from Kuryu are here...

<>Kirinji: Oops, did someone call me?

Murayama: Nobody called you no invisible pet

Yamato: He's more like a failure 😂

<>Kirinji: Shut up, you useless and insignificant humans 😒

Hyuga/Ice: NOBODY CARES BUT YOUR FAVORITE GANG LEADER/PARTY PLANNER HAS ARRIVED!

Cobra: You're right, no one cares and my favorite gang leader/party planner is Rocky...

Hyuga/Ice: I didn't talk to you, Oya High's repeater's/flunk's boyfriend

Chiharu: At least my father isn't a coward who runs away in the middle of a fight 😂

Hyuga: but this one you're talking about is Jesse 🤔😂

Cobra: That's right son, defend me 💅

Chiharu: Always dad 🥺🫶

Ice: That hurt, they are plotting against Hyuga and me! I didn't like it, I'm going to start a fight for no reason and attack innocent people and friendly gangs for no reason, “imprison” them and force them to watch me rap at Funk Jungle 💅

Chiharu: Poor people, I think godfather Noboru was happier when he was with Kirinji at Kuryu than these people having to put up with you 🙈

Ice: There it go!

Noboru: If you’re going to make a comparison like that, I'd much rather put up with Ice...

<>Kirinji: This way you hurt me Little Noboru

Noboru: I'm not going to swear because there are children in the group, but “screw you” Kirinji 😒

Murayama: I’m just watching 👀

Cobra: Now me too honey 👀

Link: https://x.com/taemlnti/status/1803314554178314703?s=46

[landofwindandskyscrapers]

10/52 You won't believe this one neat trick!

Or: a peek into my brain as of this writing

So I’m taking a break from my unofficial reviewing of books to document influences on my worldview and personal philosophy.

(I still find it surprising that I ended up with so many blog posts being book reviews. Shows how important reading is to me, I guess)

(Also yay, me using my blog as an actual diary thing 😂)

(I should also make a blog post about me using emojis so much)

The common thread in the concepts I’ll outline is that they’re like pointing out an optical illusion - once you see them, your view on society reorganizes itself because it makes so much damn sense - and you start seeing it everywhere.

A part of me is concerned about this - because searching for A SINGLE UBER TRUTH THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING is a base human failing; it’s why conspiracy theories exists, because it’s comforting to the human mind to imagine a wrong, single and simple reason for how things are the way they are instead of facing the fact that the world is actually complicated.

Still, these ideas seem to serve me well.

First concept chronologically:

The housing market isn’t being taxed enough. Not enough houses are being built. Rents should not be profitable.

To use a quote from the links provided (that also have other links in them to explore in depth):

Georgism is a school of political economy that is really upset about, among other things, the Rent Being Too Damn High. It seeks to liberate labor and capital alike from those who gatekeep access to scarce "non-produced assets," such as land and natural resources, while still affirming the virtues of hard work and free enterprise.

The central idea is that rents - money that is being paid to a private person not for buying a product or service, but just to generally exist - are the root of all evil.

And that rents manifest in the real world as, well, rent coming from owning land or houses the landlord minimally maintains.

Landlords don’t add value to society, but siphon it from the middle and working class to hoard it for themselves - gradually impoverishing everyone while perversely becoming more and more powerful as a result.

To get an idea of what I mean, please realize that a king is the ultimate landowner - with scores of serfs under his unelected control who have to give all the fruits of their labor simply to exist.

And once this was pointed out to me…I kept seeing it everywhere.

See how the housing market works; you either rent, or to buy you get a mortgage which is effectively a rent paid to the bank.

Buying a house if you already own a house is relatively easy, but buying one if you’re poor or middle class is an ordeal.

And this is tied to how stupidly difficult building new houses has been getting for the past fifty years; supply is constrained and prices perpetually go up.

Housing, shelter, is a basic need for everyone.

But government provided housing feels like it’s been going the way of the dodo.

Every country I know of is struggling with houses being more and more unaffordable for its population - and there’s little sign of the situation improving.

The way I know of fighting this is to make taxes on land and improve the housing supply.

Second concept:

We’re not having enough children.

This is a bit depressing.

Having children is a huge cost to the people who have them.

It’s tiring, difficult, sometimes dangerous work that isn’t rewarded by society.

(absence of parenthood is sometimes punished - but it’s not by punishment alone you get people to do things)

It’s a rational decision to not have them.

This sets up societies for horrible doom and failure for the future.

Coupled with the fact most societies (Italy especially) are xenophobic and don’t let in enough immigrants….this is a recipe for failure.

I’ll leave this with a simple population pyramid graph:

Solution: pro-natalist policies with actual teeth. Taxing companies whose employees have fewer children than the national average. Equal parenthood paid time off for men and women. 

(As an aside, I don’t understand why taxing things that hurt the collective is so frowned upon in politics. It should be a win-win, letting state coffers be replenished while helping society)

Third concept: 

Monopoly power is a root of all evil

This comes from Cory Doctorow’s seminal essays on (sigh) enshittification.

Relevant quote:

This is enshittification: surpluses are first directed to users; then, once they're locked in, surpluses go to suppliers; then once they're locked in, the surplus is handed to shareholders and the platform becomes a useless pile of shit.

The idea is that monopoly power is - well - power. And power corrupts.

And that’s how you get HP printers that cost a subscription to operate and spy on you.

(I’m ashamed at having bought one of those awful things a while ago. In my defense, I needed a printer STAT and this was the cheapest, cheapest option)

The solution to this is actually enforcing anti-monopoly laws.

—

I don’t believe in despair. 

Despair is not useful. It doesn’t inform what you should do, it leaves you standing there and is honestly actually self-indulgent at times.

This is why when outlining these concepts I’ve always added a line to possible solutions.

It’s my own “and so what? And then?”

Doesn’t mean it isn’t hard of course.

But I find it much more satisfying to live my life with grim optimism.

[vilelias]

I be judging the shit out of myself like no other. I judge the way I act in public, my posture, my tone of voice. If I’m being seen by other people, I imagine how they would judge me and I make myself believe that this is really how people think of me. Tacky. Selfish. Immature. A ticking time bomb. Insane. 

I never realized how negative my judgement is of myself until I tried to imagine a perfect version of me. How I strive to be perfect in every aspect of my life. I’m setting myself up for failure because the moment I act in a way that’s not perfect, “I hate myself. Everybody must hate me.” 

I’m literally just a human being doing human shit. That perfectionist mindset is what’s hurting me the most. When I see myself as just a human being, I give myself more room to forgive myself and learn from mistakes. I give myself freedom to explore myself and simplicity in the decisions that I make. I’m expressive, shameless, and nobody can tell me shit.

So no matter what judgements I push upon myself, I’m still gonna be out here doing my thing. You said I’m chaotic? I say I’m human. You said I’m boring? I say I’m human. You said I look like a man? I say I’m human 😂

We all make mistakes, but that doesn’t identify us. Lift the weight off your shoulders and forgive yourself for the dumb shit you’ve done in the past and future. Simplify your mind and just be yourself because you’ll never see yourself as perfect. Just stop being so hard on yourself. Everything you are is already good enough.

[sentimental-apathy]

... can’t believe I’m gonna be 30 on the 17th

[har-rison-s]

with kindness

druig x reader

request: Hi there 💕. Completely feel free to say no but could you write a Druig x reader fic where the reader has depression? (or even just really sad if that’s easier?) I recently went to my doctor and they’ve given me antidepressants for the first time in my life and it’s all a bit overwhelming and I feel a bit like a complete and utter failure lol - just seeking some weird form of comfort I guess haha 😂😂Thank you so much ❤️

A/n: hiii I absolutely loved writing this. Firstly because it’s mainly from my own point of view, and secondly because hey – neither me or anon are in this alone. it feels great to write about something real and very impactful on a lot of people, and the fact that I get to combine it with Druig is just the best thing ever. Depression is serious, and don’t ever put yourself down for getting help. It’s a big first step towards feeling better for a hopefully long time. I feel like Druig is no stranger to those feelings, actually, because his words “do you what that does to a person over centuries?” speaks quite a lot. His head rests heavy on his shoulders, too, and I tried to incorporate that into here as much as I could and felt in-character for him. Also I’m seeing eternals again next Monday (the 13th) I’m so excited!! Happy reading, babies:)

my paypal (would be much appreciated since i’m saving up for uni next year :))

main masterlist

mcu masterlist

warnings: descriptions of depression, nothing much else. take care of yourselves!

The world had never seemed more dull than it did now. If the sun was out today, if it had even shyly crept through the curtain of tree leaves and branches, she’s sure it would have made a difference. The day, the world and her world would look all the brighter, all the better.

She’s laid against the wall, she’s facing the large window wall of her cabin that has a view of the near-by river from which she and her people usually get their water. The river goes on its usual track, no stopping, no hiccups along the way. The same rhythm, the same pace, the same small waterfalls over small piles of rocks under it. Day by day, it doesn’t stop.

She wonders how that happens to a force so natural as water. How it doesn’t really have a brain or mechanism behind all of its processes, how it just goes on without caring for any outer factors. No matter what’s happening around it, the water keeps flowing, keeps giving life to people.

She regrets that it’s not the same for people. Maybe for some it is. But to most of them day by day work becomes exhausting, and they can’t carry on the same as they did before something—anything—or nothing at all happened. Outer and inner factors always impact humans, their minds and, by extension, their bodies, choices and abilities.

She doesn’t like feeling this way. This empty, unforgiving way. Not a thing in the world seems tempting anymore, not music, not her friends, not her work, which she usually loves, not even food. She does need it to survive, she knows that, but she has no appetite for it, no interest in it anymore.

But this feeling isn’t letting go of her. She’d love to let go of it, but for the empty entity that’s possessed her body and mind it’s not yet time to let go. And everything depends on that, actually. Most times it is like this – that she cannot control when the feeling comes, and when it leaves. That makes this all the more unbearable.

She’s catatonic even to the gentle squeak of her door opening behind her, on the other side of her cabin. She doesn’t turn her head to look who it is, because she already knows. It’s him. Their leader. The mind-warper. Druig.

“Hey,” his voice calls thankfully outside of her head, and she hears him approach her. From behind and from the side, cautiously, strolling confidently slowly as he usually does by the opposite wall. Still, she looks out towards the depths of the forest, “you’re not doing your work today.”

I know, she says in her mind, I know I’m just a pathetic little being who’s too weak to do her job. She nods. “I took the day off,” she responds. He has now entered her line of sight, hanging like a small ghost in the corner of her eye. She sniffles, “I don’t feel so well.”

With his strange appreciation and attitude towards her, Druig doesn’t dare to enter her mind so he could see everything. It’s different with her than with the others. Much different, in a way he can’t explain. “Oh, well,” he clasps his hands together behind his back, “d’you have a fever? You know we have medicine for that—”

But he stops short when he sees her shaking her head. There’s even a slight smile dancing on her lips. “Not in that way,” she responds and looks at him. Now Druig realizes that her slight smile is a sad one, and her face is all but fallen and sad, too. She turns back to stare out the window, “but don’t worry about me. I won’t be a bother today at all.” She pulls her knees closer to her chest now, and tucks her chin in between them.

Druig stands confused for a moment. Oh, worry I will, missy. But he thinks on her words, not in that way. How could one feel unwell in a different—oh. He looks down to his hands momentarily and fiddles with them before drawing in a breath and looking at her again. “Maybe I can help,” he suggests, “I think I know what you mean.”

She looks up at him with the deepest of trust and admiration in her eyes, but then turns back again. “Thank you,” she responds, “but I… don’t want you in my head for this.” She shakes her head. “It’s something I have to do by myself.” She rests her temple against the wooden wall again.

Druig nods. “Fair enough,” he says, “maybe I can help some other way.” Druig sits down by the opposite wall and crosses his legs. She partly really wants him to just leave. “Maybe tell me… how it feels.” He offers. “It can’t hurt to try, at least. I know it’s hard, especially if you’ve not done it before.” He looks at her searchingly.

She sighs deeply. “I don’t know,” she says in a small voice, “I don’t even know how to describe it.” Her voice grows smaller and smaller. “I guess I just… don’t feel anything right now. Except for some… strange hole, or a—a void inside me.” She can’t bear to look him in the eyes, even though she knows they’re genuine. Even though she knows he’s genuine. Even being their mind-controlling leader, Druig does care about his community, he cares about each and every one of them. Druig listens intently as he looks at her with his eyes that, he hopes, aren’t too intruding. “There’s nothing in this world that I could hold any kind of interest for.” She sniffles. “And I don’t know how long I’ll be feeling like that. Right now, it seems that forever is the right word for it.” She hugs her arms tighter around her legs.

“It’s not gonna be forever,” Druig says in a voice that matches hers in its quietness, “I know it feels like that right now, but… it will pass. Nothing in this world is ever the same for all of its existence. Not people, not nature, nothing. We’re all one thing and a million at a time.”

She looks to him. “How do you know?” She questions, even though his words touched upon some truth that connected to her. Their eyes lock on one another’s.

“I’ve lived for five thousand years,” Druig says with a slight shrug and grin, “I’ve felt what you have, though under different circumstances, but I have. And I do get that feeling even now, after a few thousand years, but it doesn’t last always.” He gives her a smile. She rests her temple on her knees, Druig sitting sideways in her vision now. “I guess that’s the human part of me.”

She can’t help but smile gently at those words. “The one that feels down sometimes?” She whispers, and Druig nods.

“You’re not human if you don’t feel the whole or part of the whole spectrum of emotions.” Druig says, and she sees her mighty leader fidgeting with his hands that lay in his lap. It’s clear to her now that he’s just like her in these feelings. He also feels nervous, he feels down, he feels unlike himself, he caves into himself. And somehow, it’s comforting to her.

“Wow,” she mouths silently, her voice broken quiet by her tears and her throat closing in on her, “that’s really nice to hear.” She admits and wipes her tears. She turns her head to look out the window again. She doesn’t mean to cry, but the tears have a mind of their own, and they pool in her eyes, making them glint in the dim light. Druig smiles to himself, and then stands up. She hears him walking towards her, getting closer with every step.

When he stops softly at a small distance from her is when she raises her head to look at him again. “Is it alright���” he starts to say quietly, “if I sit down… here?” He motions for the spot next to her on the wooden floor. She shrugs, but then nods. Depression comes hand in hand with indecisiveness, and so she tries to make herself feel better, make herself stronger by making her mind up about at least one thing.

Druig nods at her with a quiet ‘thanks’ for gratitude and sits cross-legged on the floor next to her, one of his knees gently touching upon the side of her leg. She eyes it for no longer than a second, and then catches his eyes doing the same. Druig gives her a smile.

“You know I…” he begins, and then clears his throat, just as she’s about to look away. She keeps her eyes and ears on him, “I’m the big leader with authority and powers and all,” Druig says with a certain level of anxiety, “but I’m not as scary as you all think.” He offers. “And, well, I just… well, if you ever need someone to talk to, or if you just want someone… there, I’m always here.” He gives her another reassuring smile.

She gives him back a shy one and tucks her chin on top of her knees again, still looking at him though. He’s very nice to her, and though she’d expected that from him, having known him a long time, it surprises her in the nicest way. “Thank you,” she tells him, “that means a lot, actually.” She tries not to cry again.

“It’s normal to feel like this, you know,” Druig continues, “you don’t need to feel… ashamed or anythin’. I’m the one person you don’t need to hide from,” he gives her a warm grin, “I promise.” He offers his hand to her, raising his palm between them for her to take if she wishes to, if she’s comfortable enough to. And she does.

She rests her hand in his, and feels all his muscles gently squeezing around hers in the most comforting of ways. She feels his skin that reminds her of wood, she feels the small blood vessels that pump slowly with each of his heartbeats, she feels some of his knuckles, too. He’s so real, she thinks and looks up at him again. Tears brim her eyes, but they’re not entirely bad ones. They’re tears of overwhelming. That overwhelming comes from the immense care and kindness she feels from him, one that is still surprising in the best way.

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