#I’m STILL MAD ABOUT AGNI AND SNAKE!

[killjoy-laserbeam]

The more I look back on this arc the more I can’t be mad at Real!ciel…That boy is VALID. Everything he is doing is JUSTIFIED. I will defend him while helping his felon brother but…

[animeyanderelover]

Can I get reaction from Ash, Soma, Agni, Grell, Undertaker, Finny, Snake and Joker after their s/o wakes up from a nightmare and basically throw herself at them crying? She doesn't wanna let go for the rest of the night. That is also the first time she willingly touched them since being kidnapped, before that she would kick and scream if they as much as looked at her! After that night she's a little less jumpy around them

How I love soft Yanderes😌. I don’t like cruel stuff that much even though I can get into it, if I’m mad. But tender reactions will always rule my heart.

Tw: Yandere themes, possessiveness, obsessiveness, manipulation, kidnapping, delusional mindset, unstable relationship, mentions of Stockholm syndrome, paranoia, self-harm

s/o has a nightmare

Finny

🌻Good luck with this dense boy here, you’ll need it. Finny simply won’t understand that you’re scared of him, excusing it as you just being scared to confess your feelings to him or are just a bit confused that he took you. He did it only for your best though, so don’t be like this. He just wants to protect you and love you like the divine being he views you at. But Finny is very terrifying because his delusions are a huge and scary obstacle to overcome.

🌻He has a scheduled amount of sleep before he has to wake up and start another day of work. Finny always wants to sleep with you, it gives him a feeling of ease when he can hold you. He feels like he’s protecting you by doing so and you can shake as much as you want, he knows you secretly like it too. He might even dismiss it as you being cold. In general Finny would even in his sleep keep an iron grip on you and subconsciously tighten it slightly if you should start moving.

🌻Finny is that kind of Yandere that would even want to protect you from a nightmare and feels like he failed to protect you in a way. He hates seeing his darling cry and would start panicking a bit, thinking about ways to cheer her up. But the moment you throw yourself at him and search for comfort from him is the moment where a bit excitement will be mixed in. Because you just touched him willingly for the first time and so far Finny always got the impression that you were rejecting your feelings for him. So you wanting him to cuddle you willingly is for him a sign of acceptance.

🌻It’s probably a good thing if you start being a bit less jumpy around him because it’ll grant you access to the outside world sooner than if you would continuously show fear in front of him. Because Finny is relatively easy to manipulate. Once he believes you love him, you’re free to go anywhere you want to go. And for Finny’s delusions this is the perfect food. Because this would just confirm what he already thought. You were just a bit jumpy around him because you were a bit unsure about your feelings. But this nightmare made you two bond. Finny would just be happy.

Grell Sutcliff

🟥Grell isn’t really delusional, she knows that her darling is scared of her, especially since she’s a grim reaper. But she just has this hope in her mind that you’ll just need a bit time to adjust yourself to this situation. But she would still be pretty upset when her darling keeps kicking and screaming at her like this. She isn’t necessarily that creepy like Finny can be, but she’s very smothering and her job just tends to cover her all up in blood which can be poison for your already fragile nerves.

🟥She’s most of the time active at night since that’s the time where she always looks out for her victims. But she does require a bit amount of sleep since she’s a grim reaper. And Grell is a messy sleeper to say the least. She kicks, drools and moves around a lot in her sleep and all that whilst keeping physical contact with you. Surprisingly still though. It might even happen that she ends up rolling somehow on top of you. That’s of course only after she knows you’re comfortable with her.

🟥Would most likely wake up due to your whimpers and small cries, suspecting it’s a nightmare and either try to wake you up or somehow try to comfort you without having to wake you up. But the moment you wake up and just start bursting out in tears and just hug her tightly, she would be totally thrown off at first. This is the first time you hugged her willingly. And as bouncy as she could get right now, she knows that this is the wrong timing, instead focusing on reassuring you that she’s here and cuddling the daylight out of you.

🟥Grell can definitely look forward after that day, noticing with much joy that you seem to get more comfortable around her and less scared. It’ll cause her to be more touchy and affectionate with you since now despite still looking awkward, you don’t react too badly anymore. She would be very hopeful for the future and positive that she can work it out with her darling now and work for a dream relationship.

Undertaker

⚰️Undertaker would give you space after kidnapping you, understanding that this experience just shocked you to your bones. He would still try to take care of you and give you time to get used to the situation, hoping that you’ll calm eventually and stop reacting like this as soon as he steps near you or even looks at you.

⚰️Undertaker requires not very much sleep, he’s somewhat of an insomniac. He gives you your own room so you have somewhat a feeling of a safe place. He stays for nights awake and checks every once in a while on you to see if you’re finally asleep or not. After you started becoming less jumpy around him and even wanted him to sleep together with you, he would of course lay down to you. But he needs a lot of time to fall asleep and would spend a few hours just watching you falling asleep and tracing the features of your face with his fingers.

⚰️He expected nightmares, dearly hoping they won’t be about him. He would hear the sudden noises from upstairs and quickly come checking on you, wanting to reassure himself that you’re alright. So when he catches you crying, he would feel a deep sadness, but would remain at the door. He really wants to comfort you, but is insecure whether he’ll help you or just worsen the situation. So he would be at first shocked when you just storm towards him as soon as catching a glimpse of him, just burying your head in his shoulder and desperately clinging onto him. So for a few seconds he would be kind of frozen before he’ll regain his composure and start hushing and comforting you, staying with you the rest of the night and watching over you.

⚰️He would be relieved to see that after that night you started becoming more eased up around him, not screaming and crying anymore and instead being just cautious when around him. He was actually worried that this might go on for a lot longer, but this certain event seemed to help him a lot.

Joker

🤡Joker was fully prepared for this, he knows what he did is wrong. But he just excuses his actions by telling himself that he did so much more cruel and horrific things in his life before that kidnapping the person he loves is nothing compared to that. He knows that forcing you near him isn’t good and will give you time to calm down, but would still try to look for chances to come near you as often as possible so you can somehow get used to it.

🤡I think Joker himself has really nasty nightmares, his past and all his guilt about what he did to the children haunting him in his sleep and causing him to always wake up bathed in sweat. Would never force you to sleep with him in one bed, but as soon as he managed to build enough trust in you, in a way you would act as his comfort plushie since he would start clinging onto you as soon as he wakes up from another nightmare and calm down when seeing you next to him.

🤡Since he often stays up til late at night, trying to avoid another nightmare, he occasionally watches over the wagon you’re kept in. So it’s either that he heard the sudden wails or one of the members informed him. No matter the situation, he would quickly check on you, worried yet also prepared that you might have just had a nightmare about him. But he definitely didn’t expect you to come running to him and jump onto him as soon as he opened the door, gripping on him like your life depends on it. But Joker isn’t someone who loses very easily his cool, closing the door so he can be alone with you and asking you in a soft voice what’s wrong. And as treacherous as it may sound, he knows that this is his time to shine and to strengthen your relationship with him, leading him to being extra sweet and affectionate with you.

🤡Joker will see that this event didn’t go fruitless, you obviously being more comfortable around him now. And that’s where his true manipulating will start, setting up certain scenarios or just starting to act like a gentleman and trustworthy man around you, wanting to have your heart in his grip. As terrible as it sounds, he might even hope for a nightmare like this once again so he can lure you closer to him.

Snake

⚕️Snake doesn’t have the highest opinion about himself and wanted to avoid kidnapping, fearing that you might start hating him after that. And this fear of his proved to be correct and even his snakes didn’t expect you react to such an extreme extent. Snake would honestly be so heartbroken and just leave the tent out of depression, starting to take all the blame upon himself and feeling even more insecure than usually.

⚕️Snake sleeps not that often, preferring to stay awake. Due to his past he has troubles falling asleep since he was often yelled at when he fell asleep and is due to that a rather light sleeper. With you it would be a bit easier for him to fall asleep, especially if you stroke his hair and just talk calmly and quietly to him he feels himself getting fast drowsy.

⚕️Snake would just sit in front of his tent every time he gets kicked out and his snakes might even sense your discomfort before you even start making noises, informing him and telling him to go inside. And he would feel conflicted, not knowing if he should help or not. Please don’t let this nightmare be about him or else he’ll be really devastated. He expected about the worst when you suddenly sat up yourself, noticing him. He thought you would start screaming like usual so he would be startled when you suddenly hug him and start crying. He would be stunned for a good few moments, not believing that this is real before his snakes pull him out of his rigidity. And that’s when he’ll get emotional, feeling overpowered and sensitive by the fact that you just touched him for the first time after he had told himself you must really hate him. His snakes will most likely have to guide him through this since Snake himself is not experienced in helping someone with a nightmare.

⚕️It would be important for his self-esteem to see that you start becoming a bit more friendly with him, not to mention for his scarred heart. Snake yearns for your affection and acceptance and by showing him that you aren’t that scared around him anymore, you would make him so happy that he might tear up a bit. He would still treat you really careful, like a fragile doll. But he will also sometimes become a bit more clingy when he’s really in his lowest mood.

Prince Soma

🍛Soma isn’t a really scary Yandere, he’s more annoying and exhausting. His kidnapping is also not necessarily the worst thing to happen since you have a large bedroom and Soma would just pamper you a lot. And as a classic delusional guy who thinks that you love him as well he would be at a total loss on why you always start throwing a tantrum, asking Agni for help and advices. Is there something wrong with you? What can he do? He would be a bit panicked by this and Agni, who knows exactly what’s going on, will try to convince his prince to give you a bit more space.

🍛Another messy sleeper even though not that bad like Grell. Soma sleeps like a rock and often pulls the blanket to him and stuff like this. He also moves very often around, sprawling his limbs completely out in bed. He wouldn’t force you, but would be really persistent and all pouty when you reject to sleep together with him. Once you do best luck, that guy is a clingy boy in bed and would whining in his sleep when you try to free yourself out of his grip.

🍛Soma isn’t the best in comforting someone since he doesn’t possess this serious side. All he knows is that you are crying and wetting the fabric of his clothes. You are sad and that makes him upset as well. He would start asking you with a fast tone to what happened and what he can do, ending with him calling Agni for help. And Agni would quickly organize everything and give the prince a few advices about what he can do to help you. Soma won’t even pay that much attention at first that you just touched him willingly, he just wants you to feel better. But when he later on realizes it, he would get quickly excited. He never believed that you hated him in the first place, but now he’s just overjoyed that you showed him for the first time affection and love.

🍛Show him that you are even only the slightest bit more comfortable around him and he’ll cling onto you like a leech. He would take your more eased up form as a sign that you now got over whatever was wrong with you before. Now you finally accept him and that’s all he has to know for him to smother you.

Agni

🤜For Agni to kidnap his darling in the first place something terrible would have to happen, them nearly losing their life or being in life threatening danger for example. And he would feel really terrible about himself afterwards, apologizing to you almost everyday. Agni will give you space and thinks it’s even deserved that he gets screamed at, he did do something horrible after all. He will give you space whilst also trying his best to take good care of you despite your outbursts.

🤜Agni is somewhat of a night owl, using the time usefully to organize things, prepare clothes for his prince and you and just make everything ready and clean some rooms up. After kidnapping you, he also had a harder time falling asleep due to his guilty conscience. Even after establishing enough love and trust in this relationship he would still feel bad about. He tends to stay awake longer than you and has also a rather tight grip. It’s more unconsciously though and stirs from his overprotectiveness.

🤜He has for a human rather keen senses, noticing the small wailings from the room and instantly hurrying to your room, carefully opening the door to see what’s wrong. It’s a heartbreaking sight for him to see you cry. But similar to some others he wouldn’t be sure whether his appearance will help you or make you burst out in tears even more. Flabbergasted and nonbelieving are the best words to describe his feelings when you suddenly seek for his comfort. He knows that this is right now just because you’re shaken up from the nightmare, but he won’t be so cruel to neglect you right now needed comfort and will do everything he can, making you tea and listening to you if you want to talk about your nightmare.

🤜Would be almost dubious as well as a bit guilty when noticing that you seem to become more comfortable. He knows that this might be just Stockholm syndrome kicking in and is not someone who will lock you away forever. He knows that this won’t be good for your mental health and will take you out for walks and introduce you later on to his prince. So he would never truly stop feeling guilty about what he’s done.

Ash Landers

▫️Ash is an intense Yandere since he’s so dependent on you and keeping you safe. So his reaction will be the worst. You shouldn’t be scared of him since he’s your guardian angel and by showing him fear you’ll give him a nasty paranoia attack. He would feel like he failed doing his job, leading him to having outbursts where he’ll scream and cry and punish himself. And he’ll continue this self-harm for as long as you keep treating him like this.

▫️Ash is an insomniac, he’s too paranoid to even take a short nap. The only thing in his mind is keeping his darling safe and cleaning London from the impure. He hardly gives his mind a taste of rest, his thoughts are racing in his head all the time. But if his darling would ask him to lay down with her, he won’t complain since it’s his job to fulfill their dreams. He wouldn’t sleep though, just admiring you and allowing his mind to rest for a bit.

▫️He would freaking lose it when you have a nightmare since he feels like if he would have done better you wouldn’t have to endure what you had to endure. He wouldn’t care that much that you just touched him for the first time, he’s rather focused on helping you calming down. He might or might not start crying with you at first before reminding himself that he has to stay calm, wiping his tears away and staying with you, doing everything he can and can not to help you calming down. Don’t tell him that the nightmare was about him or he might just do something really gruesome to his own body. Tell him you dreamed about a specific person and they’ll die a unfair and painful death, killed by an enraged angel.

▫️For Ash it would be so important that you accept him because he went crazy whenever he wasn’t near you, countless wounds he covers up so you don’t have to see how pathetic he really is proving that. He would be just so grateful that he finally managed to gain your trust and that you start accepting him as your guardian angel. Would totally overreact and start crying about it.

[sokkascroptop]

traitor. (sokka x f! reader) pt 1

part 2 | part 3

Azula was good at that, doing and saying things that made you want to yell back. It was her favorite thing to do on purpose and had become like second nature by accident. Y/N, in response, had become very good at holding her tongue over the years, and very good at calming herself when she wanted to lash out. More than once when they were children Azula had lobbed a fireball in her direction that had singed the clothes or skin it was aimed at. 

“Do you remember when we first met?” Azula asked. She was lounging on a chaise near the window cleaning her nails with a sharp blade. The sun was setting behind her basking her in a glowing, warm light. It made her gold eyes brighter, gold eyes that were staring intensely at her, waiting for an answer. 

“Of course I do. I came to the palace for a party with my parents,” Y/N responded. She was a ways away on Azula’s bed lying on her stomach. She flipped over and hung her head off the bed letting the blood rush to her cheeks. Azula was smirking at her. 

“No, at school. When I chose you.” Azula tossed the knife she was using and it thudded into the dark wood of her door frame. A door frame that was sliced with notches of where the girls–her, Azula, Ty Lee and Mai– would measure their heights when they were younger; or where Azula would stab her knife deep in the wood, for safekeeping, she would always say. 

Chose. That was a word that Y/N was familiar with. It usually meant that you were special, but to her, to Azula and the girls and Y/N’s parents, it just meant she was lucky. 

“Of course I do,” Y/N repeated.

Y/N started at the Royal Fire Nation Academy for Girls later than most. She was already nearly ten and had always had a slew of private tutors. But her father had been recently promoted to Commander and it was insisted that his daughter, his progeny, had the right type of upbringing–and apparently that meant not running through the forests of Ember Island barefoot. 

She not-so-fondly remembered the heavy uniform they wore, so different than her thin cotton pants and tunic she was used to. The Capital City was in the same climate as Ember Island, so why did they wear silk? It was so hot. Y/N had hated moving back to the Capital City, and out of their summer home that had become her year round home the minute her mother decided it was much better to be away from the city. 

“That first week was hellish. I’d never had to listen to authority before, or hang out with children my age and suddenly that’s all I had. You saved me.”

“Saved you,” Azula scoffed. “I do remember you being quite the little heathen.”

“Hey! I just meant from lashings from the teachers,” Y/N laughed and threw a decorative pillow at Azula’s head. She caught it quick as a cat-snake with one hand and brought it to her chest. 

They sat in an easy silence, Y/N wondering why Azula had brought up the moment they met. The first words that she’d ever said to Y/N echoed in her mind. “We’re going to be great friends.”

Azula wasn’t wrong when she prophesied that they were going to be great friends. Azula wasn’t necessarily the ‘welcome with open arms’ type, but she did whatever was closest to that with Y/N. She became a part of them, almost instantly. They had class together, they ate lunch together, they went back to the palace and trained together. Everything, together. Ty Lee was the most friendly of them all, she often braided Y/N’s hair over and over, taking it out and braiding it back, just to have something to do with her hands. Mai was sweet once you got past her glum exterior. Azula was, well, Azula. She was cold one minute and hot the next, literally. Her emotions changed as quickly as the weather. She might throw a fireball at your head if she was mad. But the next moment she’d sweeten you up with fruit tarts she’d stolen from the kitchen and all would be forgotten. 

Y/N kept thinking about Azula’s words as she trained with one of the palace guards later that evening. He wasn’t the best with a sword, but he was a fire bender, and that gave her a better workout. 

Y/N was a non-bender, but masterful with a sword. It was her father’s favorite hand to hand weapon and he had insisted on her training with it even at a young age. By the time she started at the Royal Academy, she was able to beat her trainers regularly.

Becoming friends with Azula gave her access to some of the best fighters in the Fire Nation, and even that was becoming boring. 

Y/N slashed at the guards neck. He threw a fireball at her that dissipated harmlessly where she once stood. She landed in a crouch and kicked her leg out at the back of the guards knee, it buckled and he fell. She bounced to her feet and pointed the tip of her sword at the back of his neck. She saw a swatch of pale skin there which dripped with sweat. A small part of her wanted to dig her sword in and draw bright red blood. 

A slow clap echoed through the courtyard that awoke her from those dark thoughts. Y/N smiled at her friend and patted the guards shoulder. “See you later.” 

She jogged to join Azula who was starting to walk away. “Come to watch and fawn over me for old times sake?” Y/N giggled and wiped the sweat off her brow. She sheathed her sword and felt the familiar weight bounce against her hip. 

“You give yourself far too much credit.” Y/N could tell Azula was in a good mood. A better mood than she’d seen in a while. They reached Y/N’s room and she dropped her sword on the bed.

“Why are you so chipper, ‘zula?”

The left corner of her mouth tilted up in the ghost of a smile. “Father wants to speak to you.”

Y/N’s eyes widened. “Me?”

“I think I know what it’s about but I won’t ruin the surprise. Come on, we don't want to keep him waiting.”

Y/N’s stomach turned. She’d only stood in front of the Fire Lord a handful of times. The first being the first time she traveled to the palace when she was very young. At the time she didn’t know the weight of what she was doing, now she did and she was filled with terror. What in Agni’s name could he want with her? She was just a Commander’s daughter who had befriended his daughter. 

The throne room was cold despite the summer heat outside and the fire burning around the Fire Lord. It was dark as well, the black marble floor and columns absorbed the only light from the flames licking upward to their Master. The only sound was the crackling fire and the click of Y/N’s boots; Azula was always so light footed she hardly made a sound. 

A drop of sweat leftover from Y/N’s workout dripped down her spine and she shivered at the feeling. Ten yards away from the throne, Y/N dropped to one knee and bowed her head. Azula bowed slightly and stood behind Y/N’s right shoulder. 

“Fire Lord, it is an honor to be in your presence,” Y/N said. She could feel the heat from the flames now that she was closer. Whether from nervousness or the warmth that filled her face, she began to sweat. 

“You may stand.” The Fire Lord’s voice was higher than she remembered. It didn’t fit the aura he gave off and he sounded bored. Y/N stood with her hands behind her back at attention. She didn’t want to have any excuse for Azula to chastise her when they left. “Azula tells me that you are gifted at sword fighting.”

Y/N fought the urge to send a questioning look to her friend. Azula talked to the Fire Lord about her? She stared at the black outline of his tall figure seated in his enormous chair. “I’m adequate, sire.”

“Beating every single one of my palace guards is more than what I would call adequate,” the Fire Lord remarked.

“Your palace guards are extremely well trained in fire bending but not in sword fighting, sire.” Y/N grimaced and ducked her head, cursing internally at her mouth that was too quick for her brain.

Azula chuckled softly behind Y/N. Now she did turn around to stare at her friend. She whipped her head back not knowing how disrespectful it was to turn your back on the Fire Lord. 

“Azula will be leaving tomorrow for the Earth Kingdom to capture my brother, General Iroh and the Fire Prince Zuko. I want you to go with her.”

Y/N paused for a beat. Capture them? The last she heard was that they were on a pointless mission to catch the Avatar. Iroh was disgraced and went with Zuko when he was banished because Iroh couldn’t face his brother when he abdicated the throne for his failure at Ba Sing Se. What could they have done searching for a dead Avatar that could get them into more trouble? Y/N could feel Azula’s sharp nails dig into her arm behind her back and she knew she had waited too long to speak. 

“It would be an honor to accompany Fire Princess Azula on this mission, My Lord.” Y/N clasped a fist in her left hand and held it below her right palm and bowed deeply. 

If the Fire Lord was pleased with her, his tone didn't show it. “Wonderful. You’re dismissed.” 

Y/N couldn’t get out the room fast enough. 

Azula was more excitable than ever on their walk back to their rooms. She grabbed Y/N’s arms and tugged like she was a small child. “This is going to be so amazing for me, Y/N! For us!”

Azula seemed to notice Y/N’s hesitation to agree with her. This earned her a sharp look. “Don’t you want the honor and recognition that bringing home two traitors would give you? You’d be promoted higher than your father. Agni knows you’d be more deserving of the title.”

Y/N gave Azula the smile she was waiting for. “Of course. I guess I’m still a little shell shocked at the Fire Lord giving me such an amazing opportunity.”

“Well you can thank me for that.”

Y/N stopped at the door to her room. “Thank you, Azula,” she said before she could snatch the words back. Azula rounded the corner to the stairs that would take her to her room and Y/N took a deep, calming breath, working hard to push away the anger the Azula had incited. 

Azula was good at that, doing and saying things that made you want to yell back. It was her favorite thing to do on purpose and had become like second nature by accident. Y/N, in response, had become very good at holding her tongue over the years, and very good at calming herself when she wanted to lash out. More than once when they were children Azula had lobbed a fireball in her direction that had singed the clothes or skin it was aimed at. 

She slid down the wall inside her room. Did Y/N want the honor and glory that Azula talked about? She should, with how she was raised, but now that it was offered on a silver platter, Y/N wasn’t so sure that it was for her. Recently, it became all Azula wanted to talk about. Training and war meetings had become her life so suddenly. And if they were Azula’s life, they were Y/N’s life as well. Y/N wasn’t allowed to sit in on the war meetings but it didn’t matter because Azula always came back to relay what happened in them. ‘Relay’ was the wrong word, more like brag about them. Azula was anything but informative when she spoke. Y/N tried to find some interest in the things the Fire Nation was accomplishing but to Y/N it just turned her stomach. She’d never admit it to anyone, especially Azula but she was sickened by the war. 

When did life become this way? All about war and capturing cities and cleansing the world? She wished things were back to simpler times when the girls ran the palace wild and teased Zuko and the maids. She knew that in the past three years since Zuko’s banishment, Fire Lord Ozai had been calling on Azula more and more frequently, upping her firebending training to half the day. But Y/N never thought it would come to this. 

Y/N skipped out on dinner that night, just told the maids to take the tray of roast turtle-duck back to the kitchen. Her stomach had been in knots since leaving the throne room. Her and Azula were leaving. Sure, Y/N hadn’t lived with her parents in years; this would be her fifth year of calling the palace home, but for some reason, she didn’t feel like she was going to come back. 

Y/N instead slid into a hot bath that she drew for herself for once and mulled in her thoughts. As if the steam in the room was steeping her memories like tea leaves she thought of what this mission was supposed to entail. Things that happened around the palace and behind closed doors were usually hidden from her unless she heard gossip from the servants or occasionally, Azula. But she didn’t seem like she was going to give up any information about it. What did Iroh do to betray the Fire Nation? He was one of the best General’s they’d ever had, even after his defeat at Ba Sing Se. And what did Zuko do that was even worse than his banishment? 

None of that matters, she told herself. Her previous ideas about the kind of men they were didn’t matter anymore. If the Fire Lord said that Zuko and Iroh needed to be captured, then that’s what needed to be done. 

A/N: uh oh, settle in for more inner angst as y/n tries to figure out where her heart lies. what is more important? honor? friendship? peace?

[sokka-with-his-hair-down]

The Carving of Whalebone and Hearts

Chapter Two

(Link to chapter one at the end)

***************

“He what?”

Zuko fiddled a little bit with his fingers. “He… knows we’re engaged.”

Sokka was pacing around their bedroom, and Zuko knew he wasn’t mad at him, because Zuko went to see his dad from time to time, and Sokka knew this. But he was frustrated. And definitely angry at Ozai.

“Baby,” Sokka said, gently grabbing Zuko’s wrists and holding them to his chest, “what did he say to you?”

Zuko sighed and pursed his lips, looking down guiltily.

“Nothing, really-”

“It’s not nothing, Zuko—!” Sokka caught himself yelling and took a moment to bring his voice down. This wasn’t the time to yell. “It’s not nothing. I know how your father is… so tell me. Please?”

Though reluctant, Zuko seemed to know that Sokka wouldn’t give up on this matter. After all, it was Ozai, the literal worst person currently alive, and he’d almost definitely said something awful to Zuko, Sokka’s fiancé, his one and only-

“Okay.”

Sokka refocused his eyes on Zuko’s. The Fire Lord looked dismayed at whatever he was about to say, but he wasn’t panicking, which was good.

Sokka nodded. “Okay.”

Before Zuko could start, Sokka led him to sit on the edge of the bed with him.

“It was just him trying to provoke me. You know that, right?” Zuko's expression was earnest and Sokka knew his words were true, but he was still so angry.

“I know. Just tell me what he said.”

Zuko shifted. “He said things about you. He insulted your heritage and your tribe, and I shouted at him for it. Because he doesn’t know what in Agni’s name he’s talking about, babe. He called you names and I lost my cool.”

Sokka almost chuckled at the use of the term “babe” thrown in there, but he refrained from it. Just this once.

“I don’t care what he said about me. What did he say about you?”

A slight shake in Zuko’s exhale made Sokka’s heart break a little. “Not much. Just his usual spiel he’s always thrown at me. I’m a disappointment, I’m dishonorable, blah blah blah.”

Sokka huffed in anger. “That pathetic sad sack of a person should never-”

“Sokka, it’s okay. It’s fine. He can’t do anything about it, anyway. I just… need to ignore him. For a while. At least until we’re married.”

Sokka felt himself soften at the prospect of that, being married, being married to Zuko, specifically, but he still couldn’t push away the fury he was experiencing within.

“Okay,” was all Sokka said.

Zuko smiled and looked down at Sokka’s neck, then reached up to stroke a thumb over the little carving he’d made that hung at the base of Sokka’s throat. (And forever would.)

“Okay.”

***************

It really wasn’t okay, but that wasn’t for Zuko to worry about. He should be relaxed, focused on his duty as Fire Lord, be excited about getting married in a couple of weeks. 

Ozai was Sokka’s to worry about right now.

Sokka suspected that, sooner or later, Zuko would find out he went to visit his father. But with how he was feeling right now, it didn’t matter.

If Sokka could firebend, he was positive that his blood wouldn’t just be boiling metaphorically. What a twisted world view Ozai had… it almost saddened Sokka.

Almost.

Sokka made his way down the long corridor leading to Ozai’s cell. Two guards stood watch. Sokka halted and stood before them, bowing his head briefly.

“Who are you, and what is your business today?”

A standard question. Sokka understood.

“I am Ambassador Sokka, here to see my fiancé’s father.”

A look of understanding crossed the guards’ faces.

“Of course. Come right through.”

Sokka offered them a polite smile, but it disappeared the moment he stepped into the steel room.

It smelled awful, to put it simply, and something about it brought back memories of his time at the Boiling Rock. Maybe it was the atmosphere, or the stench, or just his nerves, but something about it was deeply unsettling.

And, of course, someone.

In the cell was Ozai, leaning against the wall, peering dangerously at Sokka like a wild animal.

Approaching the cell, Sokka made definite eye contact and didn’t break it for a second. Ozai was powerless, of course, but he was still Ozai, and that was enough to make Sokka feel threatened.

He hadn’t seen him since the war ended. Seeing him like this felt strange.

“And who are you, exactly?”

The man’s ragged voice came suddenly and eerily.

Sokka stood tall. “We’ve met. Take a guess.”

Ozai peered at Sokka for a long moment, then scowled even deeper. “You’re that hooligan engaged to my son, aren’t you?”

Sokka was reminded of the weight of the necklace on his clavicle. “Yup.”

“I should’ve been able to tell right away,” Ozai mumbled rather loudly, “just the sight of you is enough to unsettle any sane person.”

“Woah there, buddy. A little below the belt, don’t you think?”

“You disgrace the Fire Nation, you dishonor our people. You’re a-”

“Aaand, I’m gonna stop you right there.” Sokka cut him off. “I’m here to remind you that you have no authority. And that you don’t know the first thing about honor, very clearly. And that if you ever insult my people or Zuko’s choice in partners again, you’re gonna wish Aang had ended it that day.”

“How dare you interrupt me!” Ozai shouted, his eyes glinting with something that Sokka had often seen in Azula. Unchecked, raw helplessness turned into madness or mania or some mix of the two. Animalistic, one might describe it. “Just because my idiot son lets you push him around does not mean that you can do the same to me!”

“I think I can do whatever I want,” Sokka didn’t shout, but his voice was still startlingly loud, rivaling Ozai’s volume. “Besides, Zuko actually has my respect, unlike… some people.”

“You’ve been blindsighted.”

“Actually,” Sokka snapped, “I can see everything perfectly clearly. Zuko and I are engaged, you’re in prison, and there’s nothing you can do to stop us from getting married. So again, I’m telling you, you’re on thin ice.”

Ozai made a face that resembled a tiger-snake’s snarl. “You disgust me—your family must be ashamed. I suppose you and my son deserve each other, at least in that sense.”

Sokka shook his head and stood up straight. “I’ll be sure not to save you a seat at the wedding, Ozai.”

An angry shout ripped out from Ozai’s throat, but Sokka didn’t even listen to his words. He’d let his thoughts out. He was done.

***************

“I’m sorry in advance.”

Sokka pulled his leather hair tie out as he said it, placing it on the night and and walking toward the desk, where Zuko sat with a pen and papers.

“What for?”

“For a thing. That I did.”

Zuko lowered his pen and glanced up at his fiancé for a long moment before speaking. “Sokka, is there something you’d like to share with me?”

“I may or may not have gone to see your father in prison.”

Zuko went very still.

Sokka worried for a moment that he’d just made a gargantuan mistake, and that Zuko was about to shout and fuss and panic. Instead, he said:

“Oh.”

Huh.

“Oh?”

“I… why did you do that?”

Sokka put an arm on the desk and leaned into it. “To put your father in his place. Spirits know he needed it.”

Zuko’s face was inexplicably soft. Why was he reacting like this? “That’s… good, I think. What did he say?”

“About what you’d expect.”

Zuko chuckled. Sokka joined.

After a moment of comfortable silence, Sokka lifted his head and looked Zuko in the eye. “I thought you’d be mad at me.”

“I thought I’d be mad, too.”

“So why aren’t you?”

Zuko sighed and shrugged, a tired look on his face. “You can handle yourself. I know that.” He stood up and a smile crept onto his lips. “Besides, I can’t get angry at the guy I’m marrying.”

Sokka gasped. “How dare you call me corny when you say shit like that!”

Zuko grinned, stood up, and pushed Sokka down onto the bed that was across from the desk before brushing off his clothes and standing tall. “It’s late. You should sleep.”

“You mean we should sleep.”

“I have work to do,” Zuko stated, gesturing to the papers scattered on his bedroom desk.

“Zukooooo! Pleeeease?” Sokka did his very best impression of an animal begging for attention.

“Stop that.”

Sokka didn’t stop.

With an aggravated groan but a smile still present, Zuko resigned. “Fine, I’ll go to sleep.”

“Yay!” Sokka cheered like a child would upon getting a new toy. “A momentous occasion! We should throw a banquet, and get the musicians to perform-”

“If you don’t stop right now,” Zuko threatened, “I’m not coming to bed.” (Sokka didn’t believe him. He was already slipping under the covers.)

Sokka, elation not stifled, scooted up to him and offered the biggest grin he had at the ceiling. “You’re gonna love being married to me.”

“Shut up.”

Sokka frowned a little, but when he looked over, Zuko was smiling.

Yeah. Fuck Ozai.

Sokka smiled, too.

****************

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[bellatrixobsessed1]

The Art Of Remembrance (Part 34)

For the time being, Sokka relishes her tender touches. For once it is she who is doing the holding and comforting. “What did you see, Sokka?” She murmurs. “I can’t talk you through it if I don’t know what you’re upset about.”

He doesn’t think that he should tell her that he’d seen her. Instead he says, “they were all over...during the war I dropped these people from an airship into the ocean. I didn’t really think about it, I guess that I thought that a boat would come for them. Some of them were wearing armor…”

“They were soldiers?”

He nods.

“They were trying to kill you first?”

He nods again.

“Sokka, everyone that you’ve hurt has tried to hurt you or your friends first.”

“I didn’t hurt them, I killed them.”

“And they would have done you and your sister the same if you hadn’t.” She replies. She grips him that much tighter.

“They were still human.”

“So are you.” She replies. “And you have the humanity to feel bad for it. If you were a monster, it wouldn’t bother you. You wouldn’t have seen it embodied here.”

He finally manages to get his erratic breathing under control. Once again he is thankful for her logical approach and her silky delivery of it.

“There are people who are actually, truly evil, Sokka.” She pauses. “And you’re not one of them.” Her voice seems to soften considerably.

“You think that you are, don’t you?” He asks.

“I don’t know.” She response after giving herself time to think it over. “Maybe.” He follows her stare as it sweeps over the pipes. “I don’t want them back.”

“Your memories?”

“Correct.”

He wants to tell her that he disagrees, that he could love her even with her memories reawakened. But he can’t seem to work past the fears. He’d been a fool to let things kindle this warmly between them.

“Yeah, maybe it’s better if you don’t. Maybe it was meant to be, ya know, that you lost them in the first place.”

.oOo.

Azula’s heart plummets, “yes, it probably was.” She replies. She isn’t sure why it stings so much. She is, after all, the one who had said it first. Perhaps she had been seeking reassurance, looking for him to tell her that she hadn’t been that horrifying. She loosens her hold on him and he catches her arms before she can withdraw them.

“You aren’t mad at me are you?”

“What, no…” She replies, it is all that she can manage without her voice cracking. She swallows down that unreleased cry. “I said it first, right?” She can’t bring herself to say anything else. She gathers that he can’t either.

The follow the pipelines in silence. Heavy silence that the swamp seems to amplify. At first she had thought that it was done tormenting them. And it was, as far as visions go. But it cloakes the sound of the cicada-mantis and the toad-squirrel croaks. It is so very quiet and this time she doesn’t have the words nor will power to break it.

She’d just got him to admit that he loved her and she is certain that they are already growing distant. He doesn’t hold her hand as tightly. And she doesn’t feel right letting him hold it at all. She has an itching impulse to dash off into the swamp and let herself disappear. To follow the manifestations and let her false father ‘get her back on track.’

She almost brings herself to a halt but ultimately decides that she needs to see this mission through. In part she is thankful for the drab and dismal mood, it somehow puts a shroud over her anxieties about entering the compound.

Sokka flicks his boomerang and when it fully captures the attention of the guards, she gives them a quick stun. With disguises acquired they quietly scope out the compound. It isn’t particularly large but it is teeming with activity.

Wheezing and smoking machines pump spirit vine juice through tubes throughout the facility.  She watches their cogs whir and their pulley systems work diligently to keep the vine juice moving.  Tubes of the stuff bubble, glowing a faint bright purple. Looking at it all, she nearly trips over a bump in the floor. She sees firebender and earthbender alike strapped to gurneys. Several of them are being pumped with vine juice. Azula cringes, imagining herself strapped down, veins beating and pulsing with a faint glowing purple. On one occasion she finds a waterbender, this girl bears the same scars as she. But there are more of them.

She begins to feel dizzy. Dizzy and her mind begins to sway and disconnect. Sensations are growing fuzzy and she feels as though she is drifting away from herself. Drifting away until she finds her face upon the body of the waterbender. She looks away and shakes her head.

“Are you alright?” Sokka asks. It is the first time she has heard his voice in well over two hours.

“I’m fine.” She whispers. She has to be. She has to keep it together. She clenches her fists.

“Ah, there you two are!” Exclaims a suave voice. “I’ve been looking for you.” He points at Azula. Despite the chill that blossoms within her soul, raising each and every hair on her body, she keeps herself impassive.

“Whatever for?” She asks, thankful for the stolen masks and identifying badges.

“We believe that we finally have a success and we would like you to record the notes since he was your patient.”

“Of course.” Azula replies.

The man leads them down the hall and past a series of corridors. Along the walls snake veins of luminescent purple. A consent and steady flow of spirit energy that is readily available for tapping into throughout the complex.

She watches a door swing open as another scientist makes her way out. Azula only briefly catches a flash of lush green. There is a massive clump of roots writing and thumping like her heart in the center of the floor. She notices that all of the tubes lining the walls, seem to branch out from that single mass. She can’t quite be certain but she thinks that she had caught sight of bark...perhaps a tree trunk.

As she tags along and time image cements itself in her brain, she is confident in her theory. Along with the manmade tubes, she had seen vines. They don’t grow from beneath nor sprout up between tiles. There had been no tiles at all in that room. It’s floor is the swamp’s floor. They had built this room around a tree and the lumps she has been seeing in the ground are its roots.

She shudders to herself. They are drawing energy from the swamp itself, a seemingly infinite supply of it. It is evil in a way that she hadn’t even seen in the impersonation of her father. It is madness beyond the look she’d seen in her own eyes.

The room they come to is worse still. It hosts massive shelves, nearly filled with jars. Jars that contain tissue that she refuses to try to identify. “He is over there.” The man points to an adjoined room.

The boy within is bound to the floor by metal chains. The earthbender trembles as they enter. “Go on, boy, show them.” The doctor scoffs. “Firebend.”

“But I’m an earthbender.” He winces.

“Not anymore.” The man turns to them, speaking mostly to Sokka. “I know that you’re our newest team member, so I’ll fill you in.” He pauses. “This boy here, is the first success that we’ve had with an element swap. We have used the spirit vines and a few careful snips and cuts to the muscles surrounding his chi points to remove his earthbending abilities and fill them in with fire.”

Azula’s stomach churns. “That’s brilliant.”

The man laughs. “Of course you think so, you think that all of your plans are brilliant.”

She forces her own laugh. “Because they are.”

“Yes well, Long Feng wants us to create benders who can master two elements. This is a start, but we will need to find a way to do the transplant without having to get rid of the person’s original element.”

“Well yes, of course.”  Azula agrees.

“Now.” He turns back to the earthbender. “Firebend.”

He lifts trembling hands and lets a small burst of fire come to them, he flinches back as they explode in his palm. His face, oh Agni, his face. She has never seen such a deep look of horror. She wonders if he is in terrible pain. She knows that he is when she catches sight of the blood leaking from his arms.

Again the room seems to spin and the scars on her arms and belly begin to tickle unpleasantly. She feels faint. On her arms the boy’s blood is reflected.

.oOo.

“Are you alright Aikara?” The man asks.

“She actually hasn’t been feeling well this morning.” Sokka fills in for her.  “I think that it’s one of these bug bites.” He points to a particularly large mosquito-fly bite on her neck. “I heard that these things carry some gross sicknesses.”

“Shall we have a look at her?” The man offers.

Next to him Azula looks as though she may blackout at any moment. Still she holds herself up right. “No, I’m fine for now.” She pauses. “I will retire for the evening and…”

“Yes, that will be fine.” The man replies. “Take the night off, but we need you ready for when Long Feng visits tomorrow.”

“Of course.” Azula agrees. If he didn’t know her so well, he wouldn’t have caught the slight tremor in her voice.

He puts his hand on her back. “Have a good night Dr...uh…”

“He’s having trouble getting your names remembered.” Azula excuses.

“Dr. Ting-Lao.” He reminds.

“Oh. I almost forgot.” Azula speaks and Sokka cringes. “How is Yion?”

Ting-Lao smiles. “She has been giving us some trouble. We only let one of her sons go.” He shrugs. “She may have stolen the princess for us, but she wasn’t able to keep track of her. A half an effort earns only half an award.”

“Right, yes.” Azula replies. “That makes sense.”

“Good day then. Rest well, Aikara.”

At his departure, Sokka walks with her back down the hall. “Are you really okay?” He asks, preparing himself for a second round of trying to fend her off.

“Just...get me out of here.” She replies.

She doesn’t let herself blackout until they are a lengthy distance from the facility. He scoops her into his arms and carries her through the bog.

.oOo.

It is dark when she comes to and she is greeted by a cloud of glowflies. They flash and blink around her like twinkling stars. She still feels faintly out of sorts, she sits up and shakes the fuzz out of her head.

From the looks of it, they have made it back to camp. “Have you filled them in?” Azula asks.

“Yup, and in full detail.” Sokka smiles.

“Good, thank you.”

“Yeah.” He rubs the back of his head.

“Where is everyone else?” She asks.

“Either sleeping or finishing their dinner.” He pauses. “Speaking of…” He holds out a plate of well cooked fish. “It’s really tasty.”

Once again, she resigns herself to eating it. Her stomach has been well and unsettled by the day’s events and she hasn’t eaten all day. It still doesn’t make the fish taste any more tolerable. He seems to stare at the fire. At last he decides to break the quiet. “I shouldn’t have said that, I was scared.”

“Yes, nobody should speak kindly of this.” She gestures to her meal.

He gives a slight laugh. “I’m not talking about the fish. I mean that I shouldn’t have told you not to get your memories back. They’re a part of you. I said that I loved you and that means that I have to love all of you, right?”

“Wrong.” She grumbles.

“Wrong?”

“I don’t love that you snore when you sleep.” She shrugs. “You don’t have to love everything about a person. There are some things that you shouldn’t love.”

Sokka lays down next to her. “That’s the thing about love, Azula. Sometimes you can still do it even if you totally hate something about a person.”

“But what if you come to learn that you hate everything about that person?” She muses aloud, cupping her hands beneath her chest and eyeing the fabric ceiling of their tent.

Sokka rolls onto his side and reaches out to take her hand. “I don’t think that I will. The swamp shows you your fears, not real things.”

“It showed me real things.” She trails off.

“Like what?”

She continues eyeing the ceiling for a long time before finally telling him precisely what the swamp had shown her.

“But the swamp didn’t account for this.” He half smirks before moving her hair to kiss her on the side of her neck.

She hums quietly to herself, “I suppose that it hadn’t.”

“We’re so close to figuring this whole thing out.” He declares. “How about this!? I said that it was meant to be that you lost your memories? Well, maybe we should let fate decide again; if we can get the research notes, I think that you’re meant to get your memories back. If this is another dead end, then maybe you are meant to not have them.”

“I hate leaving things to chance.” She grumbles.

“But you don’t seem to want to make a choice.”

She shrugs. “Fine, we’ll leave it to chance then.”

[lykegenia]

The Things We Hide Ch. 14

The Southern Water Tribe stood for a hundred years against the Fire Nation, indomitable until Sozin’s Comet tipped the balance in Fire Lord Ozai’s favour. Now, as planned, the South is decimated, Chief Hakoda is a puppet on his throne, and Princess Katara is a political prisoner held in the Fire Nation capital to ensure his good behaviour. But Ozai has little time to gloat. A vigilante masquerading as the Blue Spirit is causing unrest among the people, rebel ships still hound his navy, and right under his nose the South’s most powerful waterbender waits with the patience of ice to strike at the very heart of his empire and bring it crashing down.

Chapter 1 on AO3 This chapter on AO3 Masterpost here

Words: 4002 Pairing: Zuko x Katara Chapter Summary: With the location of the missing waterbenders within her grasp at last, Katara has little time to think about her conflicted feelings for Zuko - or about who the Blue Spirit really is underneath his mask.

All was dark within the private quarters of the Water Tribe princess, the lamps snuffed out, the last amber gleam of sunlight faded. And Katara waited. She sat cross-legged on the polished floor of her room, in the corner furthest from the window with her back leaning against the wall. She was already dressed in the black velvet garb that served as her disguise, with the crimson sash tied around her waist – it wasn’t accurate to the depictions of the Painted Lady, but it was better suited to running across rooftops and sneaking into places it would be wiser not to go. All she needed to fully take on the essence of the spirit was the white mask that lay face-up on the floor next to her, but for that she had to wait for Linara’s signal that their Fire Nation guards were distracted.

While she waited, she contemplated the charred remnants of her father’s hunting pouch. She had yet to send them back to the South Pole, unable to find the words to explain how they had been returned, knowing he would ask, if only to make sure she hadn’t taken risks. The spark rocks were cracked from the heat of the Fire Lord’s mockery, the once-dark surface marbled with pale grey speckles like ash, and the antler scraper had blackened in the flames; but as symbols they retained their power, and the fact that it was Zuko who had returned them only added an extra layer of nuance to what they represented.

This was the problem. She had kissed Zuko. In the moment she had wanted nothing more, and when he had kissed her back, tentatively, softly, she had only stepped closer, into his warmth and his strong hands and the softness of his lips. When they finally parted there had been a dazed look in his eyes, as if not quite daring to believe what he had done, but his eyes had been like molten gold as he caressed the side of her face and breathed her name. Only the rumble of distant thunder had snapped them out of their staring, and brought them back to the realities of where they were – who they were.

I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have –

No, that was… nice. I liked it.

She shouldn’t be thinking about it, not now. He was the one who had written the letter Nila’s agents intercepted, which asked exactly where the missing waterbenders were being held, and what measures were being taken to keep them in line. An answer had arrived that morning, and now, for the good of her people, she would have to break into the office of the Crown Prince and steal it. In the dark, waiting for the moments to crawl by, she couldn’t help but wonder what he would do if he caught her.

A shadow passed over the window and Katara hurriedly folded her father’s tools out of sight. Linara slid the paper blinds back from the door and shuffled inside, carrying a pile of clean linens with her for cover.

“It’s now or never,” she whispered, then glanced to the Painted Lady’s mask resting on the floor. “I wish you didn’t have to wear that. Putting a foreign mask on instead of your own.”

“It won’t be for much longer,” Katara replied as she fastened the silk ties to the back of her head.

“Good luck.”

She slipped out onto the rear veranda, pausing for a moment to collect herself before she crouched and stole into the fragrant shadow of the flowering mangingko tree that hung over the outside wall. A half-moon hung clear in the sky, which would make concealment harder as she ran along the roofline, but the city guard would expect to find her in the wards, and none of them would be looking towards the palace.

The afternoon’s storm had left puddles of clear water in the street, and a freshness in the air that never failed to invigorate her. It was dangerous to think she would miss the thrill of Fire Nation storms, that the tropical hum of rain on her skin felt better than the sting of polar blizzards, so instead, she focussed on finding a path over the rooftops.

The Blue Spirit might have been waiting for her down in the city, ready to run with her through the narrow streets and fight by her side like he had when they freed Haku. She hadn’t seen him since that night, but she still heard rumours from Nila about his exploits and a small part of her always longed to meet him again. She still wanted to know who he was under the mask. Tonight, however, she couldn’t think of that, because no matter how he had proven himself to be an enemy of the Fire Nation, too many lives were at stake for her to trust him with her current mission. As she crept across the shadowed avenue that split the royal complex from the first tier of noble houses, she decided it was lucky that heading towards the palace it meant she would be unlikely to run into him.

This way, there would be nobody to slow her down.

She found a perch on the sloped roof of the curtain wall of the palace gardens and waited, concealed except for the dim glow of the mask in moonshadow. Guards patrolled the grounds by night, their routes snaking along paths she had committed to memory in daylight, just in case, and she frowned down at the maze of well-lit buildings and connecting gardens, trying to make sense of the pattern. Once she passed the public buildings couched lower on the hills, the easiest way to get to Zuko’s office would take her over the roof of the long palisades that connected the buildings of the inner palace, but the ceiling beams were hollow, and the sound of her footsteps would echo on the tiles no matter how softly she trod.

Light swelled against her vision. She snapped out of her contemplation and glanced towards its source, startled by the approaching pair of voices. They had yet to notice her, but the torches they carried would be bright enough to reveal her like an ink stain on new paper, and if one guard spotted her, she would be unlikely to get another chance to find out about her waterbenders – assuming she survived the night at all. As quietly as possible, she slipped over the ridge of the wall and rolled her landing into a clump of bamboo with a canopy of leaves so thick the only light came from the hole she had made with her descent.

“Hey, did you see that?” a sharp voice called from the other side.

The reply was muffled by the sigh of wind through the bamboo leaves, but it didn’t stop Katara holding her breath for fear of discovery.

“There was a shadow there, honest!”

“Bah, you’re always seeing shadows.”

“But what if it was –”

“If you say ‘Blue Spirit’ one more time, Lee, I swear to Agni I’m going to lamp you. What would that imposter even be doing here?”

The man called Lee grumbled something, his voice growing fainter as his footsteps carried him away from Katara’s hiding place.

“It was probably a stray panthercat or something. Now let’s go before we get docked for being late at the checkpoint.”

Hidden in pitch blackness, Katara waited until the last sounds of the two guards died away and the frenzied panic of her heart quieted to something that wouldn’t betray her. Until that moment, the danger of her situation had failed to fully register with her. Even more so than breaking into the royal prison, sneaking through the royal palace after a scrap of paper seemed like madness.

When she was little, she was told the story of the hero who had snuck into the den of the dragon who lived on the mountain at the turning point of the world so he could steal the power of fire for his people. Thinking about it now, surrounded by guards and high walls, the trials that took Khuya into the centre of the mountain seemed trivial compared to the very real threats that lurked in wait for her now. She recalled the crash of Azula’s lightning striking rock, and the scent of smoke rising from the waves of fire Ozai had conjured during the comet; neither would baulk at turning such powerful bending on her, and the only hope would be that they incinerated her before they bothered to find out her identity.

But they would have to catch her first. she steadied her breathing and called a mist to her, letting it creep up from the moisture-heavy ground slowly to make it look natural, and hoping nobody would realise it moved against the direction of the wind.

--

Zuko narrowed his mind until all he could see was the bright swipe of his liangdao blades as he slashed them through the air. His muscles flowed like water, taking him through familiar patterns that he had practiced until he didn’t have to think to wield them, every time striving for more strength, more balance, more ways to shift between stances and remain unpredictable. In the half-meditative state this training brought him, he could forget the chaos that had taken over the city, that he had helped create. These days, on the few occasions where he dared sneak out into the wards, he spent almost as much time defending the guard from angry mobs as he did defending the people against extortion.

His father’s decrees for public punishments weren’t working. Citizens left in the stocks were freed by night-time mobs in dark clothes and spirit masks, the guards caught unawares and blinded with smoke bombs to allow the culprits to get away. The Painted Lady was mentioned when he listened at windows; she had been seen roaming the factory district and through the healing houses in the wards where she left people cured of even the worst ailments. He wondered, as he went through the movements of Dragon Catches a Pearl, whether she had planned this anarchy as well, or whether the reaction of the people had been an unexpected side effect of her plans to undermine the Fire Lord’s power.

He leaned towards the latter option. At the docks, she hadn’t been the Painted Lady, but the Sea Wolf, all rage and destructive power, and after that, had only taken on the guise of the spirit to rescue Haku, perhaps as a way to copy his own alter-ego, but she could not have predicted the consequences of her actions, or their continuing effects.

The thought brought his mind swinging to Katara. He wanted to kiss her again, he wanted to make sure she didn’t regret the one they had already shared, but most of all he wanted to talk to her about all this, about how the tensions in the Caldera – in the whole empire – had been a simmering pot kept tightly lidded until the people had reached boiling point. She always looked at him with such steady eyes, astute, observant, clear-sighted as she watched the foreign nature of his home and revealed truths he had been blind to since birth.

But he couldn’t ask her advice, not with the new knowledge that settled like a stone in his gut. He knew now what his father had done with the waterbenders who had defied him in the Southern campaign. The warden of their prison had written personally to assure him in smug tones that the captives were kept in hot, dry caverns at the centre of a barren island, manacled once a day at wrist and ankle to prevent them bending as they were force-fed their daily rations. During the day they worked in the tunnels near the volcano, mining diamonds for export to the Earth Kingdom, and measures were taken by the overseers to prevent loss of workers via suicide. Examples were made of those who tried to escape.

Such detail made it hard to pretend that the Fire Nation conquered other nations to enlighten the world.

He banished the thought at leaped one final time, brought his blades down in two sweeping, sideways arcs designed to slice open the guts of any enemies still standing, and stepped out of the stance towards the table where a servant had left a jug of water. A breeze blew into his room, cooling the sweat that had beaded on his forehead and the small of his back.

Shivering, he padded to the open window and tugged on the curtain that separated his private rooms from the balcony that overlooked the city and the harbour beyond. The moon shone clear down on the view, glittering on the sea, and it was easy to pick out the glow of individual lanterns flaring as the teahouses and eateries opened to their first customers of the evening. Directly below, however, the palace gardens were obscured by dense mist. Such a sight was common enough during the rainy season, but less usual was the fact that the creeping billows lapped at the curtain wall and no further.

He cursed. The Painted lady could only be here for the letter, and he couldn’t let her take it. The escape from Keijo had incensed the Fire Lord, but how much worse would his reaction be when he found out his own halls had been breached by the same saboteur who had destroyed the transport ships? The events unfolded in Zuko’s mind as he hastily donned the black silk pants of the Blue Spirit, images so vivid they made his hands shake. His father would look for a scapegoat, and this time a few misbehaving peasants wouldn’t be enough to satisfy him. Katara was in danger; Ozai would bar the doors, burn down the whole compound with her inside and make sure the only thing left was ash. It didn’t matter if the Painted Lady was really Katara’s mother, as he suspected – he had to stop her.

--

Part of Katara was amazed that she managed to make it all the way to Zuko’s office without being seen. It thrummed in her chest with the part that kept her feet rooted to the polished floorboards of the veranda outside, a gnawing unease. She was about to step out of her cloak of mist and enter Zuko’s office, where the person she had glimpsed under the veneer of State merged with the Crown Prince, who had had a hand in the destruction of her people.

The place was a mess. Unlike in the rest of the palace, there was no invisible servant’s touch here to prune the chaos of Zuko’s work ethic, which had resulted in piles of scrolls ranged haphazardly in piles within reach of the desk. Clearly, his filing system followed an eldritch system of organisation, and if she hadn’t been worrying about how much longer it would take to find what she was looking for, Katara would have been impressed.

He must start work in the morning at the exact point he left off the day before, she thought as she tiptoed deeper into the shadow of the room. A cursory look through the papers at the desk revealed nothing, and she cursed in silent frustration as she looked around for something to help her. Only one corner of the office wasn’t overflowing with scrawled-on paper; a locked bureau stood at waist height against the wall, the lacquer and inlaid mother-of-pearl adding contrast to the golden tableau of dragons, phoenixes, and pomegranates painted on the doors. An antique clay tea set was presented on top, beneath a simple scroll painting of a cherry-plum tree in blossom. Even before she got close enough to read the seal stamped into the bottom corner, she knew she would read Ursa’s name.

It must be here. Secret documents couldn’t be left just lying around, after all, especially not with a sister looking for any opportunity to gain the upper hand in whatever constant squabble went on between them.

Checking for the sound of guards, she leaned close to the lock to work out how best to pick it without damaging the frame. The mechanism was delicate, the wood might easily splinter and attract attention from guards already unnerved by the sudden change in weather. She inhaled deeply, and breathed out through her nose. The moisture in the air froze as she commanded it, expanding in tiny crystal splinters that crushed the locking pins and cracked the brass housing. It broke with a small click, and all she had to do was pry the bureau doors open with the tips of her fingers to reach the documents inside.

The first few papers told her she had been right in her choice. Official war reports stamped with the seals of various Fire Nation naval divisions fell into her hands, some of them salt stained, and some of them so old the paper had torn at the edges. She ignored them. There were tallies, and more reports, and maps of the city with tiny red crosses dotted all over which meant nothing to her – but when she shifted those aside, her gaze fell on an ink-splotted sketch of a woman in repose under a tree by a pond. At first she thought it must be Ursa, but the clothes looked odd and there was a distinctive wave to the figure’s long hair that she had never seen in any Fire Nation styles. The whole picture was slashed through with a thick line of ink that obscured the woman’s face, as if the image held some meaning that frustrated him, but it was unnerving nonetheless.

Finally, she found what she was looking for. The letter bore a large, tasselled seal matching the copy Nila had shown her, and when she read the first few lines she found so much officious posturing it could only have come from a minor official hoping the notice of the prince meant he was soon to go up in the world. Katara allowed herself a cold smirk as she tucked the letter into her shirt; if the treatment of her people was half as bad as she imagined, the man’s disfavour with the court would be the least of his worries.

One last thing caught Katara’s eye as she made to close the bureau. At the back of the shelf, a glint of silver shone on deep blue stone. A scroll handle. The swirling design was one she remembered from her first years studying waterbending forms, and at the sight of it her breath stilled in hot rush of anger. Waterbending techniques were sacred, to be shared only between master and student, and definitely not traded away to those who wouldn’t understand. There was only one way this one could have found its way into Zuko’s possession. She hesitated only for an instant before she snatched it from among the crumpled ends of paper and tucked it away in safety.

Not stealing, she reasoned. Returning it to its rightful owners. She could study its contents later – for now, she had lingered too long.

The Blue Spirit stood, framed by the doorway, motionless. She had no way of knowing how long he had been watching her, but something in the set of his shoulders put her on edge. When she stepped forward, he reached up and drew his liangdao from their shared sheath with a quiet, grating hiss, and she froze in place. This man, whoever he was, had stood at her side just weeks before, had seen what she could do, had saved her from Azula’s lightning – what reason could he have for standing in her way now?

Slowly, she watched him bring one of the swords up to point directly at her chest, at the letter inside her clothes, and the message was clear. She shook her head. She couldn’t back out now, and told him as much in the measured way she unknotted the red sash from around her waist and wound it through her fingers.

If I have to go through you, I will.

Even so, she approached cautiously, knowing how fast he could move. His caution matched hers, and he backed up as she came forward to better keep her in his line of sight, swords held loosely ready at his sides. The swords were the problem; she needed to disarm him. She feinted to the left, as if to dodge past him, and flashed out to grab his wrist. He was ready for her.

They traded furious blows. Back and forth, evenly matched – he struck, she blocked and turned the force of his energy in an attempt to drive him back, only to have him counter and push her further away from the door. She gritted her teeth behind the mask as he pushed her back again, refusing to give more ground. She swept a half-hearted thrust aside with her sash, catching one of the swords out of his hand and sending it clattering across the floor with a grunt of effort.

A second later she realised her mistake. He stepped in, silent, his free arm crushing her against his chest where his superior strength had her trapped, unable to move. She froze. The last time he had been this close, he had saved her life. This time, however, his free arm reached up, whether for the mask or the letter she didn’t know, but wasn’t willing to find out.

Water is an unstoppable force; when it encounters something it cannot move, it changes direction, flows around it, adapts.

Katara dropped like a stone. The sudden dead weight of her limbs wrenched her away from her opponent, twisting to gain the upper hand once more. When she felt the floor beneath her hands she kicked out at his ankles, swiping his stance away in one last decisive blow that sent him crashing to the ground and gave her a chance to bolt.

Guards waited for her outside. Too many to fight, they surrounded the narrow door of the office. Shadows stepped across the eaves above her head, waiting to close off the trap, and should she consider retreat, she caught the sound of booted feet charging up the corridor that led deeper into the palace.

“Well? What are you incompetents waiting for?”

The Blue Spirit stiffened at the cold, cruel sound of the voice. For the first time, he betrayed real fear, and when he glanced in her direction, understanding passed between them. He snatched up his fallen sword and came to stand at Katara’s side, facing the soldiers that waited for them in the garden, the least risky of their escapes. He glanced at her again, rolling his shoulders to centre himself, and she turned away with a snarl behind her mask.

The enemy of my enemy is my friend, so said an Earth Kingdom proverb. Until my enemy is dead.

She couldn’t outfight both the royal guard and the Blue Spirit, not as the Painted Lady – couldn’t even try without endangering all the lives that depended on their plan. Breathing deep, she quested outwards for the flow of qi always pooled, latent, at her fingertips. The water answered her, drawn through channels of earth and air to do what she would ask of it, and she took a beat to centre herself and feel the potential that flowed through her as part of a chain unbroken in centuries of history. Really, she had known as soon as she climbed the mangingko tree that this night would be the turning point of her secret war, when the Sea Wolf would rise again out of the shadows to haunt the Fire Lord’s dreams. She heard his voice in the corridor again and let her mouth curl in a small, vicious smile. She was glad he had come in person to witness her resurrection.

[kuroshitsuji-scenarios]

Hey! I've just recently binge-read the manga and I've only been following you for a few days but I was wondering if you can you do angst headcanons for Snake and Agni and their s/o when she finds them drunk and tries to console them when they get upset thinking about their pasts. Like, Agni and his regrets pre-Soma and Snake remembering his abusive/lonely upbringing. Oh my gosh writing about those two is making me so sad, those two precious cinnamon rolls who deserve protection and love 😭

I’m a dumbass and I didn’t realize you wanted headcanons so I made scenarios instead but I think this is actually a good mistake. Hope you enjoy anyways!

It worried you a little, the lightspreading on the floor, flowing from under the door leading to Agni’sbedroom in such a late hour. You were on your way just to get a glassof water, since merciless thirst didn’t allow you to sleep anylonger, forcing you to angrily wander through the long corridors, nowdrowned in the utter darkness diffused by the single oil lamp youheld in your hand. It was obvious that the day started for Agni muchearlier than for you, his duties calling out for him right after heopened his eyes but inspite of being a perfect butler and company forhis dear Prince Soma, he needed some rest like every other person.You could already imagine how hard it will be for him to focustomorrow if he still wasn’t sleeping at almost 3 a.m.

You knocked delicately and pushed thehandle, only to blink few times until your still asleep eyes adjustedto the warm lightness filling the bedroom. Agni’s silhouette wasclearly visible, leaned over the desk in almost pitiful manner, whichmade you realize that something has to be terribly wrong. Notbothering by saying anything, you stepped inside and rushed towardhim, placing a hand on his shoulder and causing him to gasp slightly,as if he wasn’t expecting your presence. Peeking at you over theshoulder, you could see how reddened his eyes were, how the tearswere still glistening in them, bringing the cold colour of steel.

„My dear, what has happened?” youinquired, brushing few white strands from his forehead, while hestraightened his back and inhaled deeply, trying to not lose hiscomposure anymore, not in front of you.

„It is nothing you should be concernedof,” was his reply, preceded by a sad smile.

„But I am concerned, nevertheless, soplease, let me help. Tell me what is wrong.”

Agni turned the head toward thecandelabra placed on the desk and almost touched the fire with hisindex finger, losing himself deep in his own thoughts. Few secondspassed and just when you were considering repeating the question, hefinally spoke, his voice a little bit hoarse and low.

„I am a very bad man. I made very badthings.”

„So did everyone,” you told him,sitting at the edge of the desk. „Your mistakes do not define you,they are hard and painful, yes, but they do not define you.”

„Things that I commited aremaking me a bad man,” he objected, looking at you almost angrily,but you knew better that the only anger he felt right now was the oneaimed at himself.

„No, they are not. What is importantis that, you learned your lesson and that you will never do themagain. This is relevant, not your past.”

He sighed, torn between the words he washearing from you, understanding that they were — they had to betrue — and the storm of his own emotions bringing chaos to hisheart. It was hard for him to accept his previous self, to not beable to cut if off and become just whom he was now. Maybe it was hispunishment, the torment created so he would never forget who he was,so he would never lose his path again.

„You are such a wise woman, mydearest…” he admitted, a single spark of happines appearing inhis eyes. „I am delighted to have you by my side and I doubt I willever be able to thank gods for sending you to me.”

You smiled to him and took his hand inyours, feeling how warm it was. This sweet, fleeting affection madehim lean toward you and put his cheek on your stomach, embracing youtightly and holding as close as possible, inhaling the scent of yourbody.

„And I am delighted to be with you,too,” you giggled, placing a hand on his turban, feeling theovewhelming warmness from where your bodies connected in such anintimate, magical moment when both your souls and minds kissed.

„I may not be able to change my past,”he continued quietly, stroking your side through the fabric of yournightgown. „But I will make sure that our future is as bright asthe sun. I want to grow old with you, my dearest, and spend my whole,new life with you.”

„Then we will grow old together. Thereis no need to worry about who we were because there are so manydecades of happiness ahead and I will love you in every single one ofthem.”

Snake hasn’t been seen anywhere sincethe morning and when he didn’t appear in the kitchen to help indinner preparations, you started to worry about him. It wasn’t thatuncommon for him to disappear from time to time, preferably to havesome time for himself and focus on his thoughts, but it never lastedfor almost half of the day. Plus, none of his snakes were anywherenearby and that was the reason why you asked Mey Rin to do your partof the job until you will be back from looking for him.

The rain poured outside but it didn’tstop you from running through the gardens with hysterically beatingheart when you still couldn’t find him in the mansion. Ignoring thewet hair on your face, droplets soaking through your clothes and somewater in your shoe, you reached to the glasshouse, lead by someunnamed feeling that this is a place where he might be.

After stepping inside, you immediatelyfelt the sultriness and scent of growing fruits, vegetables andherbs. Round tomatoes hanging from the sprouts, almost ready to bepicked, green cucumbers laying on the ground, leafs of the radishpeeking over the earth right next to the carrot’s and beetroot’s onesand finally, at the other end of the glasshouse, mint, sage, dill andonions with straightening chives. The sound of raindrops hitting thetransparent roof drown out your steps on the soft, dark ground,bending under your weight when you approached Snake, sittingpeacefully on the of the wooden benches and staring blankly at thebushes of aromatic basil.

„Snake?” you asked, but only Goetheon his shoulder turned his head curiously toward you. „Are youalright? What are you doing here?”

„I was wondering,” he answered andyou caught yourself on waiting for him to add the: „said Goethe”part which never came.

Oh dear, it was serious.

Slowly, you took a seat next to him andlooked at his profile, not finding there anything beside terrifyingemptiness. You pariently let him think, not pushing him intospeaking, aware that it would only do the opposite.

„I was wondering when I will stopbeing alone.”

You opened your mouth and immediatelyclosed it, considering what could you say to him to not harm hisfeelings nor make him feel worse than he already felt. You couldn’tgive him easy answers, the ones he heard many times in his life,before everyone who said that disappeared, you had to be differentand you had to prove him that.

„I am here. I am always here if youneed me and I do not plan on leaving anywhere.”

„Those are almost exact words myfamily said before they left me in the circus.”

Your heart clenched painfully in yourchest, a lump suddenly growing in your throat.

„They said I was the part of theirfamily. That I was one of them and I won’t be alone anymore. Andwhere are they now? They are all gone.”

Without a word you hugged him, naïvelyhoping that if you held him strong enough, he won’t shatter apart infront of you, but the only thing you felt, was how his body startedto tremble. At first you thought that he was crying but one look athis face was enough to understand that he was simply mad, so upsetthat the life has always been so unfair for him and him alone.

„Iwant them to come back,” he muttered, as if unconsciously. „Smilesaid that he will find them but it has been three years now. Exactlythree years since I am there. He won’t find them, will he? They won’tcome back…”

„Ilove you,” was the only thing you could say that came to your mindin that moment. You couldn’t find better words to describe yourfeelings, to comfort him because nothing was good enough. The path hewas on, was made to be walked alone and all you could to was to holdhis hand, promising yourself that no matter what, you can not leavehim — even if it meant fighting the death itself.

„Ilove you,” you repeated. „I will always love you. I will be yourfamily from now on and I won’t let anyone hurt you, not you norGoethe or Emily or Oscar or Wordsworth or Keats or Donne. Notanymore.”

His armslowly leaned on your shoulder and the slight squeeze he gave you wasa sign that he was probably going to be alright, just like he alwaysdid.

„Thankyou. I think I love you, too,” he whispered. „Says Goethe.”

[astridthevalkyrie]

Steal Your Heart

“Why did you betray Azula?” “Because you’re a thief.” “What did I steal?” “Oh Agni, Zuko, don’t make me say it.” Maiko songfic. Oneshot.

You like the good boys

So I’m not invited to the plans you make

When you’re with your friends

“You’re an absolute jerk,” Mai claimed, in reality a little too comfortable to actually be mad.

Zuko snorted, and it was very aggravating that he was simply not taking any of her threats seriously.

“But you saved me.” He bit his lip to hold back a smile. “So, you saved a jerk. What does that make you.”

“Merciful.”

This time he actually laughed, and even she cracked a smile at that one. She would never describe herself as merciful. But when it came to Zuko...sometimes it was okay to be merciful. Sometimes.

Zuko’s fingers weaved through her hair, not undoing it, but clearly enjoying the act. “Will you tell me?” he asked quietly, all of a sudden.

“Tell you?” she inquired, shuffling a little closer. Very big pro of dating a firebender - you were never left cold.

But you know bad boys

You can’t deny it

They can always show you where the fun begins

Zuko sighed, his arms tightening. “At the prison Azula threw you in. What happened there?”

She rolled her eyes. “What happens at all prisons, you idiot. We were kept in cells, we were let out to do work, and Ty Lee made friends with her new Kyoshi buddies.”

Another smile. Mai wondered how many she could coax out of him until it would stay on his face, where it looked nice. Her finger traced his chest.

“I was a little afraid to ask before,” he murmured, “but why did you do it? Why did you betray Azula?”

“Because you’re a thief.” Zuko frowned at this.

“What did I steal?”

“Oh Agni, Zuko,” Mai groaned, burying her face in his chest, her cheeks red even at the thought, “don’t make me say it.”

Hey now, baby

No doubt about it

Girl, you drive me crazy

“Say what?” he insisted, still in a completely bewildered voice. Mai didn’t know whether to laugh or to cringe. She settled for cringing.

“You - you stole…” Her cheeks reddened.

“What?”

Mai groaned very audibly. “For Agni’s sake, you stole my heart, you absolute jerk of a boy!”

This time, it wasn’t a smile, it was a full blown laugh. Zuko’s arms loosened, and he threw his head back in mirth at the silliness of the statement. Enraged, Mai smacked his shoulder lightly, careful not to do it over any of his bandages.

He didn’t stop for a second.

“You - you said -” He guffawed, putting a hand over his mouth as she scowled. “ - you said that I…”

“Oh, forget about it!”

I’m feeling guilty to the way you make me

Wanna steal your heart

Steal your heart

Mai turned around, completely mortified, her fists clenched into tight balls. It took a few seconds for her Firelord to stop chuckling completely, and then his arms snaked around her waist.

“Just teasing.”

“At my expense.”

She felt his lips turn up into a smile again as they grazed her skin. “I’m sorry?”

“Firelord Zuko,” she said plainly, grabbing his hand, “I don’t appreciate being laughed at.”

“I know. I mean it, I’m sorry.” He kissed the shell of her ear, rubbing her arms to try and coax her back into facing him. “But in my defense, it was completely unexpected to hear you say something like that.”

Mai didn’t turn around - she could let him try harder for a few more seconds. “So first, you ask me about my time in jail, and now you laugh at me. Wow, Zuko, what’s next, a proposal?”

He didn’t laugh,, but he did chuckle slightly. “I thought it was already established that you were the next Firelady. You told me not to break up with you. You know, because…” He seemed to hold back his laughter. “I stole your heart and all.”

“Zuko!” she cried out loud. She had been ready to give him mock forgiveness for this mock argument! But no, he had to go and say it again.

Call me criminal

I can’t deny you make me want it all

Everything you are

“You were amazing though, truly.” He nuzzled up to her like a cat, kissing her cheek from behind. “The way you took on all those guards was incredible.”

She finally turned around, meeting Zuko’s eyes, and then realized that it wasn’t just his tone that was admiring, it was the entire way he was looking at her. Like she was something extraordinary. Not just the daughter or a noble, or Azula’s dull lackey.

“Mai,” Zuko whispered, as she kissed his scar, “I promise, I won’t leave you again.”

Her normally peaceful gut stirred, and the woman in her shrieked. “Not even for the Avatar? Not for the Fire Nation? Not for the world?”

Zuko kissed her forehead, his hands holding her tightly again as he murmured in her ear.

“I’ll just take you along, my Firelady. You are my world.”

Ah, of course. One cheesy line could only be retorted with a better one.

So lock it up

Go on and try it

No matter what you do I’m gonna steal your heart

Yeah, I know. Two fics in the span of one day? Well...I love Mai, that’s all I can say.

[karpedayam]

July 10: Day 50

Today started with breakfast with a family originally from Bangalore but who now live in England. Dr. Amar is a surgeon, and he’s here with his wife Joti and daughter Naranya (I think). They’re really sweet.

I joined in on morning rounds with the medical students and Cornell students. I don’t really like rounds. It feels very dehumanizing and I just can’t get on board with that. After we visited each patient I tried to smile and say “Namaskara” which is the traditional greeting here; I know I can’t do much here not speaking the language and not being a medical professional but I can at least act like a compassionate human being. There is so much going on in these people’s lives and I know how awful it can be in a hospital setting where you’re treated as a case and not a person. I think it’s important to bridge that “us vs. them” gap, otherwise it just looks like foreigners using people to gain medical knowledge. I never want that to be what I do.

After this, I spent some time with Dr. Abhignya. She brought me upstairs to the Ayurvedic wing where there was a procedure going on for pain relief. Frying Datura leaves in oil and applying them to the skin, and heating a metal coin in this oil as well and wrapping it in a Datura leaf and placing it on the muscle pain. This heating is meant to encourage blood circulation and thus decrease pain. I then spent some time with the Ayurvedic therapy students who were practicing procedures on each other. Dr. Yumna was leading this, she’s really cool. The first pictures shows Shiro-Basti which is when you tie gauze around the head and cover with a paste, then paste a wall-like “tiara” structure around the head which is meant to hold warm oil and help with insomnia, anxiety and neurological disorders. The next one they did was Shiro-Lapana where a paste is applied to the scalp, then a small circular wall is created where the crown chakra would be on top of the head to hold warm oil, and a Datura leaf is placed over top. This is meant to endure sound sleep, and help with any scalp issues such as dandruff. She also said that keeping this part of the body warm will keep the rest of the body warm as it’s where the chakras all originate and go into the body. It’s all about stimulating nerves and blood circulation. I talked to Dr. Abhignya about chakras and she said it’s all kind of interconnected with Ayurveda.

While I was observing I met two girls who are students in the neighbouring state Kerala at the Ayurvedic college named Riya and Sandra. They’re super nice. We talked a lot about what their college is like and they had to take sanskrit classes and everything is taught in English so like man... I could technically do that. They said the only foreign student they had was a guy from Italy named Leo lol but they were excited to meet me it was great. They’re also interested in observing births so they said they’d let me know if they know of one going on!      

We then spent some time seeing patients and she explained to me afterward what she was prescribing and about the patient’s history. A really interesting patient came in who was 14 years old, and he had had viral hepatitis and jaundice. Dr. Abhignya explained that Ayurveda is especially beneficial for the liver as liver diuretics increase Agni. Pitta is mainly generated in the liver, and therefore this boy was given tablets to reduce Pitta in the liver. Liver enzymes went from 130 and 220 to 66 and 146 respectively. Also, in a scan the liver was significantly reduced in size. He was on a strict diet that contributes to reducing Pitta as well so it was really interesting to see how this treatment actually worked.

I went back upstairs to observe one of the patients we saw getting a procedure called “Pastya” which is to help migraines. It started with what I think was a prayer, then a face massage with medicated oil, then inhaling steam from boiling turmeric and other things in water under a towel, then dropping ghee in the nostrils and inhaling and spitting it out. After this I had lunch and talked with Kuann and Laura for a bit, then went back to see Dr. Abhignya as she was working on the abstract for her research. She was supposed to present it at 3 and I was actually able to help her write it and make some conclusions about the data that was collected which was really cool!

I went upstairs as Anger was visiting with her professor from Iowa and a friend of theirs from their program named Gina who’s been studying in Bangalore for the summer. We had a lot of nice conversations together. I was talking to Dr. Mina, their professor from Iowa, and turns out I know her daughter’s best friend as she went to Mount Allison for 2 years! Small world!

We all went to tea in the afternoon and had this dessert called Mangalore Bonda which was DELICIOUS. We got invited to the Doctor’s potluck being held at the next-door school that evening so after touring the school again I went back home to get ready.

Laura was hanging out with 2 doctors, Mythri and Kirthana so I went to their room to hang with them too as we got ready. We had snacks (Kodubale and Milk Peda) and laughs it was fun.

The potluck was also (mostly) fun. We played pictionary and sharades and had a really awesome meal. As we were eating, one of the Cornell girls was talking about how Ellen Degeneres was an example of a “non-problematic white woman” and I said that wasn’t true because she’s very supportive of PETA and the Anti-Sealing propaganda which is really hurting Inuit communities. The argument really escalated and apparently I was being “a bit aggressive” but she really was not getting what I was saying and was claiming that “sometimes people lose their jobs for the betterment of the environment like when we stopped coal mining”. She didn’t get that it actually isn’t an environmental issue, seal populations are higher than ever it’s just the mainstream media that makes it seem like an environmental issue. She advocated for an intersectional middle ground where we protect the environment and Inuit populations but she didn’t get that that wasn’t the point at all. 80% of commercial seal hunting is done by Indigenous populations. This isn’t an environmental issue we need to be concerned about. Anyway it fizzled but I was still mad and she looked upset so I went and talked to her and apologized if I “invalidated her degree” or whatever and we had a better discussion about how there are SO MANY MORE THINGS AT STAKE IN THIS than the coal mining industry. I think she finally got it.

Anyway Laura and I left because I was still kind of mad honestly. It sucks how devalued anything outside the mainstream media and knowledge system is, and it sucks being labeled as “aggressive” simply for defending my opinion. Like I was literally telling her my source is from my best friend who is Inuit and a documentary that was made from an Inuit perspective, and that’s not something that will ever be taught in America or prioritized by American media. Anyway, Laura, Kuann and I talked about this a lot when I got back home since they actually understood what I was trying to say and we talked for hours about a million different things. We talked about religion, and identity and knowledge systems and what we all believed it was SO cool. I could never summarize everything but Kuann did say something which I thought was really neat: “the concept of God is to tangibilize the energy that exists between us”. I really think that’s cool because she just believes in the energy in things and that God is everything around us and thus we should treat everything with respect and I really like that. God is the cycle of the ecosystem. Laura also mentioned something so cool about Indigenous knowledge in Mexico (Aztec). Coatlicue is the original goddess who represented female sexuality, birth, fertility etc. and she’s known as “the one with the skirt of serpents”. This is really interesting when you think about Adam and Eve and how Christianity demonizes the snake. Also, Laura mentioned that the Mexican flag has an eagle with a snake in its mouth and like that is an insanely powerful image: colonial Mexico represents the death of Indigenous spirituality. I’ve definitely questioned my Christianity a lot given all of this stuff I’ve been learning here, I definitely know there is something though and I know Christians do good work and it’ll always be important to me. We talked about death too and how much it’s dreaded in our culture, and Kuann talked about how she wanted her funeral to be a celeration. I told them about Uncle Cameron’s celebration of life and piping down the streets of Toronto and I just love that kind of energy to celebrate a life. That’s what it should be about. Like it’s going to be sad no matter what, might as well not make it sadder. Anyway I’m so happy I’m here with people like Kuann and Laura, and that we get to learn so much from each other and have these kinds of discussions so often and so easily.