#I’ll still make fun of his onion head tho

[t1meslayer]

Kieran is an impeccable Pokemon rival because he enters his big heel-turn BB League battle with an angsty Super Saiyan scream and a glam rock remix of his fight music...

And then you land one Super Effective move and he still says "wowzers"

[dinosaurtsukki]

haikyuu!! masterchef au (second-gen captains vs. first-years edition)

hello my brain made another thing again. to check out the first masterchef au (captains vs. setters) just click here

due to popular demand, masterchef is hosting another team challenge with volleyball nerds

they had to pay gordon a bit more and ensure the freezer is available at all times in case he needs to hide

so we have team second-gen captains with shirabu, akaashi, yahaba, taketora, ennoshita, and futakuchi

then team first-years with goshiki, lev, koganegawa, hinata, tsukishima, and kindaichi

shirabu is back to win while akaashi had to be patted down to make sure he's not sneaking another rat in

team first years look very nervous except for probs tsukki and goshiki

hinata is always out of frame because all his team members are so tall

they give him a box to stand on while he's cooking and suddenly he's taller than kindaichi

when the time starts, team second-gen are off cooking like pros

HAHAHA JK

most of them have never been to a kitchen

yahaba's poking an onion with the tip of his knife

yahaba: this,,, this isn't how its like in cooking mama

taketora: yah, no shit

ennoshita's washing the dishes and futakuchi tries to tell him he doesn't need to until he realizes that maybe washing the dishes is all he can do

over in team first-years they have Absolutely No Clue

and then hinata's like 'wHY dON'T wE mAKE sOUFFLE'

koganegawa and lev: Y E A H 🤘🤘🤘

none of them know how

everyone else did contemplate helping them but its more fun watching lev crack an entire egg, shell and all, into a bowl and take out the shell bits after

gordon, realizing its going to be a repeat of last time: *surprised pikachu face

kindaichi: do we,,, have a plan tho ???

tsukishima: *pats mysterious bulge in his jacket pocket* we got a back-up plan

meanwhile team second-gen is standing in a circle still trying to figure out what to do

and then futakuchi brings out an alexa device (idk wat these are called im poor)

futakuchi: we must consult a higher power

gordon: is he allowed to do that?

producer: this is a no-rules match

futakuchi: alexa, how do u boil an egg?

taketora: no alexa. play despacito

alexa: *plays despacito*

*cut to montage of futakuchi beating up taketora with despacito playing in the background*

ennoshita: what if,, we jus make a salad? just throw a bunch of leaves and crunchy bread cubes in there?

akaashi: did u mean,,, croutons?

yahaba: i shall make the crunchy bread cubes

shirabu: i'll chop the leaves

akaashi: like how u chopped your bANGS?

taketora and ennoshita have to stop shirabu from killing akaashi

meanwhile lev, kogane, and hinata are working on their ✨✨~~souffle~~✨✨

except kogane and lev keep accidentally spilling stuff on hinata because our li'l guy is li'l

gordon: their souffle actually looks pretty decent and by that i mean it looks half-burnt and barely edible

they're so proud of it tho

that is until they're all carrying it to the front when lev accidentally trips and throws the souffle up in the air 

its heading straight to kogane and his Setter Instincts kicks in and he sets. the. souffle

and its heading straight to hinata whose Spiker Instincts kick in

shirabu, watching the entire thing happen: alexa, play mm watcha say

im sorry idk the name of the song

alexa: ~~mm watcha sayyyyyy~~

hinata: *spikes the souffle into the ground*

goshiki: so whats plan B?

tsukishima: *reaches into his jacket* instant mac and cheese

goshiki: good enough

kindaichi's really good at making mac and cheese if that’s possible

like the macaroni is cooked perfectly and all

meanwhile in team setter someone has managed to burn the salad leaves

it was actually ennoshita but he blamed it on futakuchi and everyone believed him

taketora: now we only have crunchy bread cubes

yahaba: this is so sad. alexa play--

shirabu: NO ALEXA DONT PLAY DESPACITO THIS ISN'T OVER

futakuchi: WE ONLI HAV CRUNCHY BREAD CUBES

shirabu: BUT WE ALSO HAV RAT CHEF !! *points at akaashi*

ennoshita: he didn't bring ratatouille with him

akaashi: his name is remy not ratatouille omg u fake fan

taketora: what if,,, someone sat on akaashi's shoulders,,, and pulled his hair to control him like remy???

all of the next-gen captains who have lost braincells at this point: 🆗️🆒️

so yahaba mounts akaashi's shoulders and u kno,,, does the rat chef thing except both of them are flailing around

kindaichi, watching from the other table: alexa, play the ratatouille theme song

*insert montage of yahaba and akaashi flailing around with the ratatouille theme song playing in the background*

i hope y'all can picture is in ur heads as well as i can because it has the dynamism of a renaissance painting

also did i mention that tsukki smuggled in dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets?

he's frying them with a smol smile on his face

hinata took a picture of it

goshiki's doing the plating and he's arranging all the dinosaur nuggets around a wad of mac and cheese

kindaichi grating fresh parmesan on top

 it looks spectacular

koganegawa and lev eat one of the dino nuggets and tsukki s C R E A M S

kindaichi’s trying to calm tsukki down while goshiki drags koganegawa and lev into the freezer

which stresses gordon out because the freezer was supposed to be his place

have rat chef akaashi and yahaba managed to cook something?

no they both fell to the floor

and are contemplating their life decisions

akaashi: i miss remy

yahaba: me too man

futakuchi and ennoshita decide to add peanut butter and jelly on a plate and sprinkle the crunchy bread cubes on top

and now the judging begins

gordon: *looking at team second-gen's dish* what are you?

taketora: a deconstructed pb & j sandwich

gordon: and there's no way i'm eating this mac and cheese it looks terrible

tsukishima: i thought you'd be used to it with the food from your country

shirabu: *keying 911 into a microwave* hello, police? i'd like to report a m u r d e r

im sorry british food sucks except for like fish and chips which are only good sometimes

gordon: did this child just sass me? 

in the end he chooses team second-gen as the winner but its not because they cooked the best dish but because he feels bad for yahaba and akaashi

also because tsukki sassed him

futakuchi: alexa, play despacito again

also the microwave explodes

koganegawa and lev are still locked in the freezer

(check out pt. 1 feat. captains vs. setters)

[yconic]

Okay I'm looking for a reason to procrastinate, so picture this: Star Wars Hell's Kitchen AU where everyone is more or less a disaster in the kitchen but is there because being on TV is fun and getting yelled at by super angry, British bitch, Michelin star winning but insufferable chef Armitage Hux is an experience everyone should enjoy at least once.

I present you some headcanons:

- Poe requested to be put in the same team as Kylo because he loves annoying him with his whole soul (Also because his work station is closer to Finn, the cutie pie pastry chef who's as sweet as his delicacies) and Hux accepts because "Making Ren's existence an even sadder and miserable drag than it already is makes my heart bloom. Highlight of my day, really."

- Poe has no idea how to prepare food yet he's got amazing taste buds. Can he slice an onion without crying like someone just ran over his puppy? No. Can he tell that this Wasabi contains an insufficient amount of spice with a single lick? Hell yeah. Kylo is forever salty in admitting that most foods were deemed as edible because Poe was there to be guinea pig.

- No one fucks with Kylo's dicing skills. He's a former vet, and while most of his experience came from peeling potatoes until his hands bled, his knife craft puts even the top chefs to shame. His only competition is Rey, who can't be trusted not to add her own fingers into the dish but she's better than Kylo out of pure spite.

- Finn, in the confessionals: I have no idea when or IF they plan to stop *Cut to Rey and Kylo chopping off lettuce with ridiculous speed*, -- but at least now I know I'll never have to get knocked out by Phasma when we're both grabbing vegetables. Rey is currently making enough for the whole season. Filming stopped two hours ago...Hate is a powerful motivator.

- Finn is super nice and always tries to be helpful to the other contestants even when Hux reprimands him for it. He's got a competitive streak tho and once he's in the game, he's there the WIN. Especially when desert/pastries related challenges raise. Everyone dreads those because Finn is just like Go ahead, try to grab the last bag of sugar :) No no, I don't mind :) Do it :) thAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT YOU DICKPRICK--

- Rey, in confessionals: Finn really surprised me today when he threw that mixer at Kylo. It's a shame Poe ended up taking the hit but I, personally, believe that competitiveness being expressed in such a liberating way will help our team a bunch :) *Cut to Rey high-fiving Finn after he threw his cake mix at a fearful Kylo, now hiding behind a starstruck Poe*

- Poe was kicked out more than once for laughing at Hux's scoldings. "It's just, -- He makes those faces, when he yells, or when he's angry. Either I'm a dumbass who's way too happy for his own good, or everyone here has a disturbing lack of sense of humor." He already got in enough trouble for bringing BB-8, his cutie pie corgi on set, so this takes the cake.

- "No one shames Monica for bringing that banshee she calls a kid here, so why is BB be any different? Is it because they're furry?" Kylo supports BB being on set becauseMonica's kid told him his Risotto looked ugly one time and he hasn't forgiven him since.

- Kylo's temper makes the kitchen a very interesting place because he gets mad at the weirdest things. He takes criticism with a pinch of salt but he TAKES it, no problem there, it's?? Just weird. Snoke throwing his plate to the ground, spitting on it, and calling him "The second most disgraceful trash to ever grace a kitchen since Rachel Ray appeard on screen"? Fine. He needs a walk. But Fine. The pepper is a shade too light and doesn't match the image of the dish he created In his head? Flips his shit. Studio is on fire.

- Poe in the confessionals: *Trashing noises* You know, Kylo may be an asshole sometimes, but he really does make this whole experience better for me *Knife flies by* We all need that dose of adrenaline and unknown danger lurking around us in our lives, don't we?

- Kylo will say what all his chest that he detests Poe Dameron with his whole being, but then?? He would wait for Poe to turn around and laugh at his jokes, makes sure Poe doesn't cut himself because he kept his fingers too close to the knife, feed BB-8 when no one is looking and help Poe reach things too tall for him?? Also scoff in the background when he's getting slammed by the judges like he's offended?

- Kylo while raising Poe on his shoulders to grab some spices: Poe Dameron is a national menace and I'd like to shoot him down, as he's someone I despise, deeply, passionately so.

- NO ONE GETS IT, one minute these two insult one another until all of their tapes are all covered in bleeps, or will easily be like "Hey dickhead, thanks for grabbing the lemons" "No problem fuckface, make sure you marinate that meat in the freezer before the potatoes boil" Phasma shrugs it off and says that's just how siblings are.

- Finn, in confessionals: So, obviously, Poe and I have been getting closer in the course of this competition. I still want to win, but damn that man would look better at my arm than some apron, , , Kylo does make me a bit hesitant on getting closer thought. Just the other day me and him were grabbing some wine. Poe makes his way behind us to grab some meat from the freezer and then he bends... Look, we may have been surrounded by food, but at that time? He was the only snack I wanted to eat.

I guess it was all over my face because Kylo leaned to snatch the bottle of wine in my hand and whispered : "I'll kill you" you know, like the feral bitch he is--

[monkey-network]

Good Stuff ~ Stray Thoughts: Steven Universe’s Movie

It’s high time I finally looked at this film. 100%, Monkey Style. Let’s roll...

Ah, a curtain raise. Fancy Schmancy.

Chance the Rapper! Good seeing him have a hand in the music, cause I doubt it’ll sound any different.

I wish the tale was more than just about Steven

Lucky she got planet earth, I guess.

*Holds onto the laugh* She latched onto Greg’s seed. HEHEEE KEK! 

That’s one way of putting it

You know, I would’ve preferred he was 18 instead of 16. It makes sense that he’s still a teen, but that is me

I guess this film wouldn’t have gone the way it did if Steven didn’t dox himself like that.

“Saving.“ That reminds me. What of the Cluster? “They’ll never mention it.“ I know. *sigh*

I’m so glad this time skip makes me ask more than accept, trying to make me compelled for season 6 to know what happened in between that time. You’re not slick here, movie.

“The White Power Hour will be right back“

Am I the only one finding this scene with the Diamonds creepy?

“Come on, Steven. You’re all that stands between me and doing the racism.“

Connie! Glad you look spry and well in your 65% of screen time.

Cheek peck! Lovely!!!

Shoot, they could make a whole episode about him being a guest at the space camp. I mean I’m saying this cuz I doubt they are.

Ah, the “What Could Possibly Go Wrong?” song.

Zach is quite the singer when he can sing more naturally

Come on Pearl, don’t make me believe Rose was a character

Oh the chest is open. Neat. Wish I cared.

Unconsenting head warp

1st Born Amethyst is adorable.

*sigh* Wonderful. It’s a shame I’m gonna forget this song.

Ah, the best character in the series has arrived

Real Talk tho: How did our antagonist get to Earth with that craft so quickly? Like, let’s say it took 10 real minutes at best between Steven giving his Homeworld speech to resting on that hill. She just had that injector, roaring to go, and knew exactly where Steven might’ve been all in that short amount of time? “You know logic is not this show’s strong suit.” Let me dream, damn it!

Again, none of this would’ve happened if Steven didn’t out himself

Ruining other people’s happiness. I love her already.

Why did Steven getting his face kicked feel satisfying?

“Pink Diamond“ Ah, the secret word.

While “Other Friends” is such a bop, one of the only good songs so far, I knew this movie would have it’s musicals take place every.... less than five minutes.

Wait. The villain has stretchy powers, so there's an in-Universe reason to be off-model all the time? Oooooh, they’re fucked.

It was at that moment the villain knew, he fucked up.

Again, Steven getting kicked feels so satisfying.

Reaper? Awwwww ye!

I’m telling you. She let him slice her. 

What? How can he not control his powers while he’s aware of- ugh.

Surprised he didn’t revert back to no neck Steven

Ok, that quick censor joke got a laugh outta me.

Two for two laughs, Greg is on a roll

How would gems know what seashells are?

Three minutes apart. Not bad.

Whaaat was that zoom?

Ah, the “For the Newbies/clueless” song

We’re doing the amnesia plot, Pearl, keep up a bit.

I’m somehow giddy and uncomfortable at Spinel’s presence.

Beautiful song. Sad I won’t remember this one.

Wonderful lip sync there.

Oh no, chekov’s scythe.

Heheheheheheh, Spinel’s dead eye stare

Ah Lapis, if only the show treated you better

That’s some morbid logic. I can dig it.

Seriously, if you are aware of your powers, then why can’t yo- ugh.

Ye, get the Diamonds. They could punt the injector out, everything could go as planned. Only problem would be having to listen to them.

I doubt Garnet would know what to do, honestly.

Spinel’s VA must’ve had a blast with the role

About five minutes apart. Doing better.

Song is better too. Not memorable, but it’s a fist pump worthy tune.

Dang it, Spinel, you’re precious!

I’m with Steven, I’m getting Cupcakes vibes with that pizza slicer

Ye, just let her pick up that weapon. It’ll conveniently advance the plot.

Oh a lovely constitutional for those two.

Rise of the Shield Hero!

Four minutes apart. Slightly better.

Weakest song by far, but the visuals were amazing.

Subtle moment here. I’ll express later.

Is Onion teleporting?

So sad Ronaldo.

Okay, that was a wholesome moment. “That’s why Amethyst and Steven ARE the best.“ You know it. *fist bump*

Ye, I think it’s best to get out of there?!

I doubt it’s gonna kill everything on Earth

Oh wait, what about the Clu- “It’s not gonna be mentioned.” The Cluster deserves better, man.

I honestly would’ve loved to see Steven lift that entire thing

Great, you made it worse.

But forget the end of the world. We got music to make.

A little over five minutes. Pretty good.

Why am I getting Pat Benatar vibes from this tune?

'Disobedient’ is bad btw

The look Steven and Greg gave before rocking out? I felt that. Now....

There comes a time in all forms of media consumption where you are so utterly bewildered by an event taking place that there are so many things wrong with it that you don’t have words and you simply laugh..... 

When I saw this sequence for the first time I wish I recorded it. I burst out laughing, struggling to compose myself, and I was fundamentally blown away at what in the world I was seeing. And the kicker? I wasn’t even entirely sure of why..... 

It’s like so many issues cascade on your brain at once, you are overwhelmed and you couldn’t possibly pass it out in the amount of time you have left before something utterly ridiculous happens on top of what you just saw.... 

So that is why posts like this exist, to collect and come up with a sensible way to exhibit one’s feelings about the sequence because.... what. the. fuck. Let’s roll back.

Chad Gem? Chad motherfucking gem.

Got a pompadour, super-sized mullet, potentially 8-pack, and a clean shave which surprised me the most. They just... *MWAH* pulled no punches with Multiverse’s design.

The powers however confuse me. Can he just fly now and make anyone fly? 

I get where people were coming from with their discomfort, but honestly this is the funniest thing in this entire movie. Nothing about this feels right and that just makes it hilarious.

I’m just gonna say it.... *DEEP BREATH IN* RULE 34 MUST HAD A FIE- *snap* Sorry, low hanging fruit.

Did Pearl just literally sploosh?

It’s Always Sunny honestly did this better.

Opal, you’re back for a minute! I forgot she could talk.

We All Float.

Damn Steven, you look like shit.

Steve-o, you’re not helping her situation. Comfort her, fool.

Oof, this is gonna be a painful number isn’t it?

Such a dear jester

A nice detail is that Spinel’s voice feels slowly exhausted and empty the more she shares of her memories. It makes that scene where she snapped at Steven make a lot more sense.

I also like that it isn’t clear if Steven sees what she’s envisioning but can understand what she might’ve remembered.

*taps the mic* Pink is a CUNT. That will be all.

'Drift Away’ was.. beautiful. Ugh, not gonna remember it though, which sucks.

That brings up a question. Was there never a message saying that Pink was “shattered”? Like you’d think news like that would’ve reached any and everywhere, Spinel especially. That certainly would’ve changed a few things.

Okay, ‘Found‘ was a great AND memorable song. That’s two out of.... ten. Not bad.

Greg is honestly the best in this movie.

Uh, Steven? You’re just leaving her there.

“Just Forget.“ How to make someone on edge feel worse in two words or less.

Welp, there’s Chekov’s scythe.

Pretty convenient he kept that around to further the plot.

I would say Spinel’s gone off the deep end, but.... uh, ugh I can’t help but side with her? I really just wanna give her a hug before the end of the world happens.

Garnet, are you gonna do anything? Were you this stagnant?

Ah, it’s the “Marketed like Let it Go” song.

I love that we got chill music in the midst of the apocalypse. It’s a good way to die.

Guess they saved the animation budget for the violence? Lovely.

Wait, that’s it? All that fluid and it doesn’t even look like it’ll destroy the world? Just Beach City? That kinda... kills the tension.

And why was everyone just standing there? Jesus, this feels messy.

It’s the final bout!

Tch, Get Dekt, Steven.

Shield hero’s back!

Spinel I love ya, and I don’t blame ya, but singing’s all they’ve done this entire movie.

Dead.

I got Mob Psycho vibes from that nuke. Don’t know why.

That reminds me. WHERE THE FUCK WAS THE MILITARY?! “Cause and Effect is not a stro-” Shut up!

Then stay with him, Spinel. Travel the world, be more than a single one’s friend and... oh, the Diamonds are here.

That’s a fate worse than death, dictators moving in with you.

It’s only been one night, White.... Seriously, this all happened in a day. It feels weird.

I’m with Yellow. That is sickeningly funny.

Seriously, their song is creepy. I don’t trust them like that.

I got a problem with Spinel’s ending deep down. Then again, if she can be happy... then I’m happy that she’s happy. That’s something, I guess.

Okay, I’m tired of the singing.

But when I think about it, I feel bad for Steven. All he just wanted was some time to himself where he didn’t have to deal with any bullshit. Had to teach whole dictators and remodel a whole empire. Yeah, he’s gonna change as he grows, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having “me time” so to speak. Can’t the kid have a chance to not have to worry about anything, actually live a life? No? Jerks?

Well that was a bit of fun. While the musicals and most of the characters felt like an afterthought, save for Greg, Spinel, and Steven, there were a few moments that honestly made the watch worth it, intentionally or not. I really have no interest in seeing this again, but I’m satisfied with the events that transpired and I’m glad the crew got to make this film. “What about the moral of the story?” 

Eh, it’s Steven Universe, morals are whatever.

[softstraykidsimagines]

Boyfriend!Felix Stray Kids

OH BOY

Felix.

The meme himself

The creator of Changpil

I know right here and now this is going to end me

Let’s get started!

His crush on you is so bloody obvious

He’s not the subtle type

That’s not to say he isn’t hella shy with you tho

No no

He’s gonna tease you to no end istg

But he’ll always end up reassuring you that he doesn’t mean it at all and how special you truly are

Just RaNDoMly likes to crush you in a hug

Quoting the meme “that’s my best friend that’s my best friend!!””

Ye he’s very energetic with you

He’s never

NEVER

Going to stop talking around you

Unless he gets flustered with you

And then he’ll sit verrrrry still

Hands on his lap

With his lips pressed together

And owl eyes

0_0

You don’t really get why he does it

It’s cute tho

What you don’t realize is that he’s fighting with every fiber of his being to not scream and dance around because

Holy shit

He’s head over heels for you

He’s gonna try to confess romantically

Pfft like that’s gonna work out

Gonna try to take you to your favorite takeout restaurant and buy your favorite food

And he’s gonna try to stay calm

He doesn’t stay calm

He’ll suddenly blurt everything in one go:

“Soireallylikeyouandivelikedyouforasuperlongtimesoiwashopingwecouldhangoutasmorethanjustfriendssometime???!!!!!”

Basically shouted

And you’re sitting in front of him SH00K AF because

1) he confessed so suddenly

2) he did just basically yell in your face

Needless to say you’re a little lost

And poor Felix

He just looks at you horrified, apologizes for shouting and kinda looks in every direction as if waiting for someone to come rescue him

But he doesn’t get up

And finally lowers his head

“Sorry I was an idiot there…. I panicked…? I don’t know how to think staight with you”

And you’re about to get teary-eyed because BOI THAT WAS SO SINCERE

“I really like you too, Felix” you say beaming

He’s gonna look at you with the happiest smile ever omg

The same expression he had when JYP said they were debuting as 9 that expression gives me life tbh

So there we go! You guys go on a first date and it’s a sealed deal from there!

Dates with Felix

How to put it?

Chaotic? Ye that’s the word

Improvised, chaotic, fun, amazing dates

You’re ready to collapse at the end of it lol

Especially loves to go to archades or a laser tag I LOVE LASER TAG AND I WANT TO PLAY LASER TAG WITH FELIX DAMMIT *ahem* excuse me

Can you imagine running around in a dark room playing against another huge team

Which Felix is in

You don’t really know-how you both ended up on different teams smh

And you round a corner to see him facing you with the slyest of smiles

“Hey y/n! Look, I’ve got a gun!!” And proceeds to shoot you

Earning a yell of anger from you as he runs away laughing his ass off

Isn’t shy about skinship

Holds your hand without hesitation

But if you peck him on the cheek without warning

He’s gonna have a red face

And he’ll slowly melt into a puddle of goo in your hands

Ye he’s soft

Your first kiss is from a dare I bet

“You need to beat me at this game or I get a kiss”

“But you’re really good at this game and I suck!!”

“Exactly! Now let’s play”

He wins but you refuse to kiss him

“I never agreed to your terms, mister”

He pouts like a puppy but you don’t back down

“Fine then” he sulks “I’ll play it your way” and he snatches your food

Crisps, gummy sweets or a churro, he’s gonna take it and run off with it

“HOW. DARE. YOU STEAL MY FOOD! GET BACK HERE” you run after him, and you both get looks from passing people they judgin you hard

You finally catch up to him, huffing and puffing “give it back, dork”

He jumps around refusing to give your food back

You’ve lost all patience by now

You’re practically steaming when you finally growl “give it back you son of a b—“

He kissed you right on the lips, interrupting you

When you part he’s gonna let out a little scream

“I’m sorry I surprised you! That wasn’t at all planned! Can we rewind and start over??”

And then he’ll run away again, panicking.

With your food.

“FELIX ITS FINE JUST GIVE ME BACK MY DAMN SNACK”

Hehe you better wear ear defenders when you meet the rest of SK

They’re gonna scream 10x louder than ever when they see you

Congratulating Felix, warning you not to tell him where you hide your food etc

You know, Stray Kids stuff :)

“Y/n, can you teach us how you keep him under control?” -Hyunjin

“That would be useful but no one can control that hurricane of a kid” -Chan

“Feel free to hit him if he gets too annoying” -Jisung, as felix tries to wrestle him into the ground

“I hope you’re the right one for him, y/n” says Changbin. “He’s a good person, so don’t hurt him; or you’ll have to deal with me” it highkey sounds like a threat, hello Changlix

You two are the couple that don’t know wtf they’re doing half the time

You’re just having the time of your lives being together

Both of you will be lost if the other gets sick

“Is it a cold? Flu? What can I do to help?? And I might need help in helping you...” -either one of you

After many failed attempts at trying to make food or find the right medicine, you’ll just fall asleep on each other, completely exhausted 

Felix can get insecure about his elimination in the 9th cries in 4 different languages 

And sometimes will work himself to the bone 

If you try to stop him he’ll get really defensive 

He’ll push you away 

“You don’t understand! You can’t understand! How can you?! I need to get this perfect or... or.....” 

He realizes what he said and that it must have hurt you 

Even if you keep a plain face and a steady voice, he’ll know that it hurts you 

He’ll just break down in tears 

“I’m sorry *sniff* I can’t even talk to you properly.... I want to get this right, I want to prove that I deserve to be in Stray Kids....” 

You’re crying as hard as he is

Because his pain is yours as well 

You hug him tightly, listing all the amazing things he can do 

And all the things you love about him 

And you’ll repeat over and over how much he does deserve to be in Stray Kids

And that will calm him down 

NO MORE ANGST IM CRYING DONT LOOK AT ME 

He loves teaching you dances 

Not just dances that SK have done, but dances he’s done before moving to Korea 

Will actually interrupt you if you try to tell him that you can’t dance 

“You can. Because I’m teaching you. And i say you can dance. So you can dance.” 

Veeeerrry stubborn  

Tried to teach you to beat box like him 

It doesn’t work 

Sometimes asks for help when he’s learning something new in Korean 

Even if you suck at speaking it he’ll enjoy trying to learn with you 

Isn’t the texting type 

He’ll call/FaceTime you when he knows you’re free and when he wants to update you in the day 

Is the type to yell your name as soon as you pick up 

And you reciprocate by yelling his name 

If you’re in a place where you won’t draw too much attention to yourself 

You both send your fav memes 

Or quote them lmao 

He loves quoting hella old things the other members have said and melts when you start saying them too 

It drives SK up the wall RIP 

You two are in charge of cooking 2-3 nights a week for the boys 

Neither of you know why Chan was so ruddy insistant on it 

But meh you just roll with it 

If you have to cut onions, you’re both gonna start singing Seventeen’s ‘Don’t Wanna Cry’ 

The cooking days can be either a complete success 

Or a total disaster 

There is no in between 

At all. 

But most of the time you guys make a decent meal to feed 8 other hungry children artists so everyone’s happy 

This boy is nervous as fuck to meet your family  

At first he tries to back out of it 

“Ah ye, I think I’ll be sick on that day?” 

“What?” 

“I MEAN I MIGHT HAVE AN APPOINTMENT” 

He sucks at lying 

But he actually gets his shit together when you meet up 

Good clothes, perfect hair I mean he has perfect hair anyway sooo 

And he’s super smiley 

He’s obviously tense 

To you anyway 

But your fam don’t seem to pick up on his nervousness 

And the day goes by smoothly, and Felix finally relaxes 

He’s gonna flip his shit when you ask to come with him next time he goes to Australia 

He’s gonna start planning it immediately 

If his family don’t beat him to it and visit in Korea that is....

Then he stops functioning 

Amazing s/o + family = happiest boy on the planet 

And you’re relatively chilled about meeting him parents 

And they are SO SWEET 

You get along so freaking well with his sisters and he lowkey becomes jealous 

It’s just the most amazing thing for both of you ever 

In the evenings after practice Felix loves to just drift off while you two talk 

From what you did in the day to a random anecdote from a decade ago 

He enjoys the peace of it until he falls asleep 

Will collapse with happiness if you wear his hoodies 

“ITS LOOKS SO GOOD ON YOU” 

“Felix are you seriously crying right now?”

“I’m just so stupidly lucky” 

Definitely not gonna say ‘I love you’ on purpose 

100% an accident 

He’s gonna say it when he’s half asleep, probs won’t even realize that he’s said it until you react 

“Man, I must dead-ass be the luckiest person on Earth to have someone as amazing as you” he rambles. “I love you so much and I just want to tell the world that I do....” 

Leaving you SH00K to the core 

“YOU WOT MATE?” 

If you say it first he’s gonna cry 

Don’t @ me I know he’s gonna cry 

He's probs stolen your food again

And he’s lowkey being a twat 

“If you had to choose your fav food or me, what would you choose?” 

“Seriously? The food, duh” 

“DUDE WHAT? Alright then! I’ll just leave” you drag him back by his arm 

“Noooooo don’t leave I don’t want you to gooooo” 

“Why not?” 

“BECAUSE I LOVE YOU DAMMIT, WHY ELSE YOU IDIOT” 

He’d do that thing again 

0_0 

“Oh my god, Felix I’m sorry it just slipped out” 

“...”

“Felix?”

“I LOVE YOU TOO” he screams 

Once again leaving you SH00K 

And he’ll crush you in the biggest hug ever 

IM SO SOFT HALP MEH 

When SK are away 

Ngl, I would pray for them 

Felix is a whiney baby without you 

Can even be in a grumpy mood 

FaceTimes you in the evenings 

His or your evenings, depending on the time zone

And you two will talk quietly until one of you falls asleep

It’s insanely adorable 

Will actually start dancing in the airport before seeing you because he’s so bloody excited 

And the rest of the boys disown him 

“Who’s that, dancing? He looks like a pigeon” -Woojin

“Dunno, never seen him before in my life” -Minho

Earning a protest from Felix

Your ears will fall off when he finally sees you 

“OHMYGODY/NYOU’REHEREI’VEMISSEDYOUSOMUCHI’MSOGLADTOSEEYOUAGAIN” 

“FELIX SHUT UP YOU’RE RAMBLING AGAIN”

“WHY ARE WE STILL YELLING?”

Changbin butts in “I DON’T KNOW SO SHUT THE FUCK UP”

He’ll go public about your relationship anytime after a year 

In the least flattering way for you 

He’s definitely the guy who pretends to take a photo and ends up taking a video smh 

You’re both smiling at the camera and he’s not taking it 

“Hurry up, man, my cheekbones are getting sore” 

No response from him 

You immediately catch on what he was doing 

“Omg I can’t believe you!!!” 

As he laughs like an idiot 

Will still make sure you’re ok with him posting it tho 

And when he does 

TheInternetHasShutDown.jpg 

You guys will break the internet

There’s not a single person of consequence who doesn’t love you two 

It’s absolutely amazing 

A/N: PHEW! This adorable nugget coming to wreck all your bias lists lmao

Hope enjoy reading! Later :D

[artlessictoan]

Lovely work for Kiba/Chouji! I'm a chouji hoe so if you could do something were it's basically a ouran highschool host club cliche and everyone is trying to win his heart and the poor boy is oblivious to it all (take your pick of a few chars to add would love to see sasuke tho!)

okok I haven’t watched ouran in yonks so I don’t remembermuch about it, but I am all kinds of intocho being Everybody’s Not So Secret Crush

---

“Hey, Chouji!”

The call stopped him in his tracks, halfway through lockinghis front door. Hand still hanging in the air, he twisted round to see the ballof yellow and orange bounding towards him. “Hey Naruto,” he said with a smile,as he finished turning the key and stepped back to properly greet his friend,“you sound happy today.”

“Super happy! Sakura handed my ass to me in trainingyesterday, gave me a concussion and everything!”

He blinked, frowned and then blinked again. “And that’s… agood thing?”

The blond chuckled, awkwardly rubbing his neck. “Well notthe getting injured bit, that hurt,but after she healed me she got really panicky – even though I’m fine! – andforbade me from training and missions for at least three days, doctors’ ordersso Kakashi-sensei can’t complain.” Suddenly an arm was draped across hisshoulders, pulling him into Naruto’s side. “Sooo, I figured that since I’ve gotthe day off anyway I should spend it having some fun, so whaddya say, wannahang out? All day, just you and me?”

His warm, friendly grin was as inviting as always and helooked so genuinely excited at the prospect, even waggling his eyebrows at him,which made what Chouji had to say next all the more difficult.

“Sorry Naruto, I’ve got stuff to take care of today-” blueeyes started to look far too watery for his liking, so he rushed to comfort him“-but we should totally do something soon! Maybe get lunch tomorrow?”

The grin was instantly back on his face. “Really?”

Chouji smiled and clapped a hand on his shoulder as hedisentangled himself and started walking backwards down the street.“Definitely,” he called out as the distance between them grew wider, “we shouldinvite Ino and Shikamaru too! And your team, let’s get everyone together!”

Whatever Naruto’s reply was, it got lost to the breeze asChouji jogged into town to make up lost time. He was already looking forwardsto tomorrow, it was always nice to hang out with friends.

---

When he got there, the market crowds were at the perfectdensity; not so tightly packed that you couldn’t move without touching sevenother people, but not so empty as to feel vaguely creepy. He always lovedcoming here on days like these, just to take the time to casually browse thestores, maybe pick out things to tell his friends and family about the nexttime he saw them, but today he had a packed schedule, so he headed to the foodstalls with determined steps.

The shopkeeper called a greeting the second he steppedinside, as he always did for his regular customers, before ducking into thestore-room with the promise of returning with some produce he’d kept backespecially for him.

As he waited for the elderly man to return, Chouji glancedaround the shop, planning to pick up a few vegetables, when he noticed afamiliar head of dark hair.

“Hinata!” he said cheerfully, as he stepped up beside her,apparently catching her off guard with how high he jumped. “Sorry, didn’t meanto scare you, how are you doing?”

She quickly caught her breath, though it took her a fewmoments to stop staring at him with wide eyes. “O-oh, I’m fine, thank you,” shesaid, stumbling over her words until she dropped her head to focus on herfingers twisting along the handles of her shopping basket, “how are you?”

“I’m great thanks, you out doing a little shopping?” heasked, more to give her a gentle opening to a real conversation than out of anyactual doubt.

Her long, straight hair bobbed up and down with her slightnod, before she nervously glanced up at him from under her fringe. “A-a-a-” herlips pulled into a thin line at the word stubbornly sticking in her throat, buthe just smiled encouragingly and waited for her to collect herself; she hatedwhen people tried to guess what she wanted to say. “…You also?”

He grinned at her, turning to look through the displays,picking up onions and giving them a critical inspection “Yup, Ino and Shikamaruare coming over for dinner and I feel like making something I’ve never triedbefore, Karui sent me some Kumo recipes I’ve been itching to try out!”

She smiled softly at him, though didn’t make eye contact.“That sounds lovely.”

“If there’s any leftovers I’ll remember to bring you sometomorrow so you can try it out too,” he said, finally deciding which was themost delicious-looking vegetable. He handed it to his friend and took thesecond-best one for himself.

Neck snapping, she turned to him with wide eyes and wavinghands. “O-o-oh, n-no, that’s n-ot, n-n-n-”

“It’s no problem, I’m happy to share!” The creak of a dooropening drew his attention back to the grocer trundling back in with a cratepacked full of bright greens and reds and yellows, he gave the man a thumbs-upbefore turning back to Hinata, ready to quickly say their goodbyes when henoticed something off. Leaning down to get a better look at her face, hefrowned. “You’re looking a little red, are you feeling ok?”

“I-I-I-”

He pressed a hand to her burning forehead. “It’s pretty hottoday, maybe you should sit down for a while-”

“I will be fine thank you!” Having practically screamed inhis face, she stiffly turned around, flew to the checkout counter, dropped ahandful of coins and ran out of the store before Chouji could even think tostop her.

Walking over to the shopkeeper, he gave him a sheepish grin.“Sorry, I think the weather must be getting to her.”

The man shook his head, idly poking at the coins on thecounter. “Well, next time you see her tell her she’s got over five-hundred ryōin change waiting for her.”

---

Finished with the markets and all his shopping carefullypacked away in a sealing scroll, his next destination was the academy.

He’d only recently taken up teaching and he was still alittle overwhelmed by it at times, but he had to admit that he loved hisoccasional guest lessons, they were a good way to get in some practice dealingwith children before he got a genin team of his own one day; the most importantlesson he’d learned thus far being neverlet sticky-fingered kids chewing bubble gum play with his hair, no matter howbig and watery they could make their eyes go.

His head felt so naked with it cut short.

“Ah, Akimichi-sensei,” the receptionist said as he steppedthrough the academy doors, “your lesson starts in fifteen minutes, your TA isalready in classroom five-B waiting for you.”

He frowned, he was getting a teaching assistant? Since when?Walking the familiar halls, feet knowing the exact path to take even withouthis mind’s input. By the time he gingerly peaked through the door, he’d cookedup at least seven awful scenarios in his head, but they all flew out the windowonce he saw who it was in there.

“Neji?”

The other man started and turned to face him, giving one ofhis slight smiles when he saw him. “Hello Chouji, I was beginning to wonder ifyou were coming.”

“I try not to get here too early,” he said, walking fullyinto the room and marching over to the huge blackboard covering one wall, “lesstime to get anxious, y’know? What are you doing here anyway, when thereceptionist said there would be a TA, I kinda figured it would be someone toevaluate me or something…” He trailed off at a sudden horrible thought. “That’snot why you’re here, is it?”

Neji shook his head, observing closely as he started writingthe lesson-plan up on the board. “Nothing like that, it was just… suggested tome that I should take up teaching. To improve my people skills.”

He frowned, pausing his scribbling long enough to look overhis shoulder. “Suggested?”

“Tenten’s idea-” the man grimaced “-the busybody found outthat you were giving classes and thought it would be a good opportunity for me.”

Finishing off his sentence, Chouji nodded and grinned wideas he replied, “That’s awesome! It’s definitely a learning experience, but Ibet you’ll be great at it once you’ve spent some time with the kids, though I reallydon’t see how you’re bad at talking to people, you’re always so nice when wemeet up.”

“…I need to… find… someone, please excuse me.” Neji was outof the door before he’d even finished his sentence.

---

His class went well, even though his new assistant had spentmost of it standing in the furthest corner of the room staring at the walls.

Chouji never would’ve guessed the guy got stage-fright sobad.

The next port of call was the Hokage tower, where he wasexpected to assist with some new international treaties being worked out.Politics wasn’t exactly his area of expertise, but he’d made many friendsduring the war, from all over the five nations; at some point he’d become avaluable advisor to the Hokage, as he could offer insight into the way the commonfolk of other nations thought and how they might be affected by big policy changes.

He hadn’t been expecting to bump into the Kazekage and hissiblings on their way out.

Temari was the first to see him, waving and jogging over. “Heythere stranger, it’s been too long!” she said, grinning and giving him a tighthug.

“It has,” he agreed, returning the embrace before pullingback to smile at the two men wandering over, “what’re you guys doing here? Ihadn’t heard of any big diplomatic summits coming up.”

The younger brother nodded, giving him that same intensestare he always gave his closest friends – it was a little weird, but once he’dbeen assured that it was just him trying to be friendly in his own awkward wayhe’d found the attention mush easier to bear. “There aren’t, this is aninformal visit, to catch up with friends. Like you.”

He smiled, hiding a tiny blush beneath his hand. “Aww, that’snice of you to say, you must have a lot of people you want to see.”

Gaara’s stare didn’t waver in the slightest. “I suppose.”

A heavy hand clapped down onto his shoulder, Temari shookhim lightly. “Who’s got time for those other losers? You’re the best bit ofKonoha, everyone knows that!”

Several steps behind his siblings, Kankuro slapped a hand tohis face.

He laughed, nudging the tall blonde back. “You’re too kind.”

“No, she is correct, any time spent with you is a true pleasure,”Gaara said, face blank but voice earnest and as happy-sounding as he ever got.

Temari glared at him, her grip on Chouji’s shouldertightening slightly. “Yes, which is why I said it. First.”

In the background, Kankuro groaned.

The Kazekage sniffed, drawing himself up as high as he could– which wasn’t much, but he was trying his best. “Why don’t you go and trackdown Shikamaru, oneesan? I’m sure he’dlove to see you again.”

Nails were digging through his shirt. “Why don’t you go andfind Naruto, otouto?”

Kankuro had an expression of pure despair. “Guys, please,just stop.”

“Because Chouji is here now and I would like to spend timewith him.” Gaara’s glare was deadly enough to make him start to worry, just a little.

“And you think I don’t?”

“I swear to-”

“No,” the redhead said, cutting off his brother and steppingcloser to glare up at his big sister, “I think that you monopolise his timeevery time we come here, oneesan and would like the opportunity to spend timewith my friends too.”

He risked a nervous cough, but no one seemed to notice. Was shestarting to break skin with her tight grip?

Temari scoffed, finally retracting her arm to cross themover her chest, leaning down to stare her little brother dead in the eye. “Areyou gonna stop me?”

Chouji coughed again, holding up a hand and weakly saying, “Excuseme,” but it made little-to-no impact.

“If you two don’t stop I’m disowning the pair of you.”Kankuro’s input went unnoticed too.

“No, because I am a good brother, who wouldn’t jeopardise mysiblings’ relationships for personal gain.”

The cold fury in Temari’s grin sent a chill down his spine. “Youlittle-”

“Oookay!” Chouji shouted, quickly sidestepping the argumentand pointing intently at the tower. “I’ve got a meeting to get to, it was, uh… funseeing you guys again!”

Kankuro’s loud cackle followed him, ever after the doorsslammed shut behind him.

He snickered to himself as he rushed to the meeting he wasprobably now late for; weird as they were, he was fond of the three and their intense,but ultimately affectionate bickering. It must be nice to have siblings.

---

It had been a long day for Chouji and it would be longer stillby the time he’d gotten home and prepared dinner for his teammates.

He decided to take a detour through the nearby park anyway,he’d always liked seeing the flowers.

They looked especially beautiful the evening, turned shadesof gold and red under the setting sun, a lone bee still roaming even with nightrapidly falling. And it was pleasantly quiet, most people home with theirfamilies by now – he felt like he had the entire park to himself.

A sharp crack to his left caught his attention, he turnedcautiously, but wasn’t expecting an actual enemy attack, not in the middle ofthe village.

When he saw who it was lurking in the shadows, he completelyrelaxed and waved a greeting. “Sasuke, how are you?”

The man muttered something under his breath, but he didn’tlook distressed, so Chouji decided that he was probably fine. “You out for a walk to?” he asked, slowly restartinghis walk, as his friend matched his pace. “It’s a lovely evening for it.”

“Yeah.”

Ok then, Sasuke didn’t feel like talking today – not surprising,he rarely did – but that was fine with him, it was just as nice to have someoneto quietly wander through the park with sometimes.

They walked together slowly, Chouji humming a song that hadbeen stuck in his head recently, his friend zigzagging as they followed thewinding paths, sometimes drifting close enough that their swinging arms couldalmost touch, before rapidly veering away until they could easily be mistaken fortwo strangers who just happened to be walking in the same direction. He alwaysended up closing the distance again after a few minutes though.

As the sky was beginning to turn purple above them, Choujisuddenly frowned and slowed to a halt, Sasuke following his lead a few steps later.

He stared back at him with a question in his dark eyes.

“Wait, isn’t your place back over that way?” Chouji said,pointing at when the path had branched in two directions several feet ago.

Sasuke looked a little surprised, though whether it was atChouji’s knowledge of where he lived or himself forgetting was unclear. “…Yeah.”

He smiled and started walking again, giving his friend ashort wave as he passed, saying, “Well, guess this is where we split up then,it was nice seeing you, hope you have a good evening!” before he finally turnedaway to rush to his own home; he’d spent a lot of the day dallying, now he hadto rush home and get ready to see his best friends!

---

“Damn, that was delicious, Karui really knows her food, huh?”

Ino scoffed, flipping her long hair dramatically inShikamaru’s face. “Of course she does, any girlfriend of mine must have impeccable taste.”

He grinned at his two friends childishly swatting at eachother as he gathered up the dishes and depositing them in the sink. He leftthem to soak in some hot water – Ino had drawn washing-up duty tonight andShikamaru would be in charge of drying and putting away – before returning tothe table and flopping back down in his chair, taking a long sip of his tea.

“Long day?” Shikamaru asked, finally disentangling himselffrom Ino’s long, crushing arms.

Chouji nodded. “Yup, though it’s weird, I ran into loads offriends today, but everyone was acting kinda… strange.”

Ino cocked a fine brow, asking, “Strange how?”

“All sorts of ways, Naruto wanted to hang out even though hewas injured, Hinata looked really feverish, Neji was all nervous about observingmy class, Temari and Gaara were bickering and Sasuke was being all spacy,” hesaid, shrugging his shoulders as he thought about it harder, “maybe the hotweather we’ve been having is just getting to people.”

There was a long, heavy silence, prompting him to glance upat his friends. They were sharing an unreadable look, identical crooked smirks ontheir faces as they rolled their eyes in perfect unison.

“Wait, do you two know something? Seriously- why are youlaughing, what’s so funny, is this some prank I’m not in on? Guys-”

---

[bosstoaster]

do you have any good shiro fic recommendations?

I’ve been sitting on a couple of these, but yeah.  Let’s do this.

a hollow nest to dream in @lightshesaid and Quadriviuum (I don’t know if they have a tumblr oops)From the Voltron Gen Big Bang, this has been open for me to comment on for days now and I’m a bad person who hasn’t, so get a rec instead.  This is a gorgeous, amazing fic.  Taking place after Shiro’s disappearance from the Black Lion, this cycles through universes and time and space in a way that’s stunning to read.  Gorgeous.  Read it now.

All the World Will Be Your Enemy@bosstoaster (lol self rec)

There will be a couple of these, indulge me.  Shiro escapes early and ends up captured with the GG.  This leads to him becoming a Space Pirate.  No, really.  This is my current baby so I’m going to show it off whenever possible.  I loved a look into Shiro’s head if he got just one extra push.

Prince of Memory@velkynkarma

Shiro begins to get different memories from his captivities.  Ones that are painful, yes, but lead him on a different journey.  One to bring home the Last Words of his fellow captives.  Poignant, beautiful, touching.  Picking a favorite fic from Velkyn would be tough, but this is a serious contender. 

All Too Familiar@oldmythos

Shiro can’t sleep.  There are many reasons he can’t sleep, but there are also many people looking to help him out.  Adorable, heartwarming, with a couple of dashes of angst like a good hot sauce.  A++ stuff.

Ten Years On Series@bosstoaster

Okay the last of the self recs, I’m sorry about this.  Shiro wakes up after the events of season 2 and finds himself ten years in the future, where everyone had to learn to get on without him.  Number three in the series is Teeth Ready for Sinking, which is the deepest examination of the situation and the highlight of the whole thing, in my ever so humble (lol) opinion.

From the Inside@queenvallkyrie

Uliro.  Voltron is hit with an attack by Haggar that leaves everyone feeling vulnerable and violated.  Shiro is there for the others, and then Ulaz is there for him. Short but gorgeous.  Valkyrie is amazing in general and does a lot of Shiro focus, so keep an eye out on her others stuff.  Especially if you like Uliro.

Parasite Knight@velkynkarma

Just how does Shiro’s arm work?  How did he get it? What does it run off of?  What happens when that runs out? Warning for this being a dark one, but it’s so, so, so good.  To say much more would be to ruin it, but this fic is amazing and it delves so deep into the very core of Shiro’s being and his relationship with the crew and I just love it.

what the living won’t let go@mumblefox

For the Voltron Gen Mini Bang, Shiro ends up as something like a ghost after the events of season 2.  He goes on a personal journey, seeing the team afterwards, and then goes through something bigger.  Galaxy big.  Universe big.  Time big.  The imagery and breathtaking scale in a relatively short read is reason enough to rec this forever.  Try it for yourself.

Nobody Learns@sassafrassrex

Another great Shiro-centric writer (tho some fics I’ll remind you to mind the warnings).  This one is Matt POV but Shiro is probably tied for the most important character.  It goes through Matt and Shiro’s time at the Garrison, up through the Kerberos mission.  Sass and I have a lot of agreements on Shiro’s personality, especially pre-capture/Voltron, so if you like my stuff you’ll like hers.

Something Strange@ashinan

Andy does a lot of lovely Shiro shipping stuff.  If you dig Sheith or Uliro you should definitely check it out.  But my fav of her Shiro-focused stuff is this little gen piece.  Shiro can see ghosts.  No one else in the team of cryptid/ghost-hunters can.  This is not usually a problem, but sometimes it is.  A little big of horror, but mostly campy and fun like a good campfire story.  

Unafraid@butteredonions

Yeah, we knew we were getting to Miss Onions eventually.  So I’m really biased.  Super biased.  Crazy biased.  This fic was for me, lol.  But it’s SUPER cute and my favorite of Onion’s AUs (and that is a hefty title lol).  Hufflepuff!Shiro preps for his seventh year, only to find Hogwarts is prepping for the Triwizard Tournament.  Featuring everyone in fantastic roles with amazing parallels.  So good.  Please read.  Please love it.  Please help me convince Onions there needs to be more of it.

The Throne in the Hall@butteredonions

The crown jewel of Shiro-centric fics.  100 percent.  This fic is a battle between Shiro and a Galra Commander.  It’s nearly 13k of some of the best action I’ve ever read in any medium ever.  It’s an engaging character study, showcasing the depths of Shiro’s skills and perseverance.  It’s gorgeous imagery and breathtaking writing.  It is the best Shiro-centric fic on AO3.  Period.  I love every fic on this list, but it still holds that place in my heart.

Smile Wide@sassafrassrex

Shiro learns to survive in the world of gladiators.  Brutal, vicious, fantastic.  This is the only non-compete fic on this list, and it makes it because I think it stand on it’s own anyway.  Give it a shot.

Chasing Rabbits, Chasing Hope@hufflepirate

Pacific Rim AU.  Voltron is an experimental five-pilot Jaeger.  It has it’s own, unique challenges and issues.  Shiro struggles under the pressure, and Coran offers advice, his ear, and tea.

Special shout out to @demenior who writes great Uliro, Shiro getting wrecked, and some of the darkest Shiro-centric fics in the business.  I don’t feel super comfortable linking someone straight to Little Monster, which would be my pick here, but here’s her AO3.

There are so, so many more good Shiro fics I’ve read and lost.  I’m terrible at keeping track.  Always feel free to add on!  But here’s a starting point.

[sapphiregoggles22]

Dave

What a charismatic, charming, and incredibly handsome man. He knows exactly what to say. He’s straight forward in the most sexy ways. He tells me exactly what he’ll do to me and when. I get hooked. We set up a date and all of a sudden he gets sick and now it’s been a month since we started talking and now the conversation has changed to demanding more pics and videos and less about telling me what I want to hear. He won’t schedule another date with me. He’s too busy. He tells me there’s been girls to wait 2 years for him. I’m not one. I’m not that desparate. I’m in a special season of my life that I just wanna bang out a few guys. I didn’t plan on nor did I even want to prolong this relationship longer than it needed to be. He uses me for attention and likes that I feed his ego. I’m feeling like I’m clogging his inbox and incoming calls. I’d hate to get in his way. I’m obviously not on that VIP list and to be honest I don’t care to be anymore. If he wanted to see me we would have already met. My mind comes up with every excuse in his favor. He’s just really busy. He had 32 messages when he got off of work. He’s grinding and learning how to be a good realtor and balance his personal life with it. But Lauren. Sex takes an hour max. I don’t want to be romanced. I don’t want to be wined and dined. I just want his dick. That’s all I want. I don’t want anything else. He’s sharp in that he’s just so demanding of what he wants from me. But he’s also caring “I completely understand where you’re coming from and I’m so sorry to hear that” “how was your day today?” “Send nudes when you get home so I know you’re safe” he has a heart. He cares at least a little bit. Or maybe he wants me to think that. This man makes me crazy and all I want to do is fuck him but the issue is that he doesn’t have that same desire for me so you need to let him go and let him grow into the person he wants to be. Idk why he’s stringing you along if he says he’s a straight forward person. He’s not. He may want to fuck, but it’s not a priority to him. He seems to be your drug tho. Will you respond to him accordingly if he contacts you? It’s not his style to reach out. He wants to attention to come from you. Let him go babe. You did your motha fuckin best.

Manny

Manny seemed to have fallen head over heels in love with you at first contact. He said he wanted either a Latina girl or an asian girl and here alone am, both. He tells me he’s afraid of falling and I tell him I just want a friend. He seems really dissatisfied with this. But I assure him that I’d still give him intimate time. He’s kind of like “whatever” he sends me voice memos and is probably the sweetest man ever to me. He tells me how beautiful I am. He speaks to me in Spanish and in Tagalog. We agree he’d teach me. He texts me first thing in the morning for a solid week. It’s like I’m the first person he thinks of when he wakes up. It’s nice to think about. I like feeling special like that. I explore the idea of a relationship with him. In my mind only. I tell no one and I dare not tell him. I quickly realize I just really don’t want anyone distracting me from my goals and journey to self love and knowing how much working on a relationship takes turns me off from a relationship not only with just him, but with anyone. “We’ll see where it goes” no we won’t. I’m only a friend. He really helped me when chris rocked my world. Offered me his ear for the night and a pizza. He offered to beat his ass. It was the sweetest gesture ever. We schedule a date to meet. He continues his sweet talk, his morning texts and goodnight texts too. We have phone sex. We have fun. He asks me my life goals. Date day comes and he tells me he’s sick and that his phone has been messing up. Wow, I’ve heard this before. I snap back at him. He completely misses what I’m trying to say. I ignore him because I’m annoyed as hell. I don’t talk to him all weekend. Monday comes and I feel bad. He was so sweet to you. There’s no way he’s lying. I’m his dream girl. I send him a good morning text and try messaging him sporadically throughout the day. He seems to still be interested. But he’s not giving me the same attention. But he’s sick right? Maybe he’s just sleeping a lot. He sends me an audio message. He sounds sick AF. I immediately regret accusing him of lying to me. But he still doesn’t give me the same attention. Attention is all I crave. I spent 7 years of my life being romantically ignored. I hate this feeling. I start sending him more and more things. Texts. Pics. He seems to still like me. But he still doesn’t give me the attention I want. He sends me intimate pics. Maybe you’re overthinking this. He like loves you, Lauren. Today he posts a SC story that he has a coffee tip from Starbucks. He doesn’t sound sick at all. And he’s drinking coffee and out of bed and in his car. I only heard from him this morning and from when I sent a pic. What the heck is going on. I guess I’ll find out soon. I have a feeling he’s either losing interest or hates the fact that I won’t give him a relationship and so doesn’t want to give me that attention I want. I almost want to ask. I’m so damn needy.

Leo

I talked to Leo twice before giving him my number. I ask if he has a SC and he says no. He messages me worrying that I’m not who I say I am and I have the same concern. I ask him about SC and he tells me his handle. I’m frustrated that he didn’t tell me before. I tell him I want to video chat him. We do. We find that we’re real people. We schedule a date to meet. He brings his moms car and we watch movies and smoke weed together. He starts feeling me up. I like this. We start making out. His mouth tastes like weed and I don’t like this. But his mouth is super soft and his lips and tongue just know what to do. It’s really hot but the weed taste is a huge turn off. Well we move to the bed and he starts eating me out and it really sucks. But I’m like a new boy is touching me. Holy moly. He tells me to eat him and he’s completely limp. It’s so disappointing. But I suck and it’s becoming slowly harder. Slowly. His balls are hairy and gross but this what he likes. We 69. It still sucks for me but I’m getting somewhere with him. Little by little. Then we start fucking and it’s different bc he’s new to me. But I don’t trust him bc he refuses a condom and tells me he’d pull out. I don’t like it but I do it anyways. He tells me he’s only been with one girl. I trust him in the moment. He cums and it’s anticlimactic. We move back to the couch. He tells me he has to go home to take the car back to his mom so I let him leave. He tells me he wants to hang again but that I’d have to pick him up. I wanted to get laid more so I go and pick him up. It’s Sunday. I have work in the morning. This is crazy. I pick him up and our conversation is pretty good. We watch more movies at my house and we hit the bong. We cuddle and make out and start fucking again. This time I’m on top for literally 30 mins and I’m bruising my leg from his bony ass hip bones cutting into my thigh. This is becoming unpleasant for me. This is not what I want. I’m hot as hell bc my ac doesn’t work. I stop everything to put my hair up. He sits on the couch waiting for me to get back. We watch the movie and I start tickling around his balls and inner thigh area. He seems to really like this shit. I play with it for maybe 3 minutes and then he tells me to suck him off and I do only once and then he tells me to get in top of him and we fuck for a little bit and then he cums. Geez. All that work. So weird. Then I start falling asleep and I offer to take him home. No he doesn’t want to go home. I fall asleep again and woke up and offer him a ride home again and he says no. So I tell him I want to go to bed and he comes with me. We fall asleep and I wake up and we have sex again but this time his balls smell like actual onions. So disgusting. So I get fucking out of the way and thank God he cums so I take his ass home and I don’t ever want to see him again. But he keeps hitting me up and I know he’s being genuine when he says he misses me. So this kinda sucks.

:(

[stawscweam]

The Ultimate Stand Bang List-REDONE

Here’s the complete list of Stands I would and would not bang. I used the wiki, so the list is divided in the 6 parts that have Stands. Enjoy. And stop fucking asking me who I’ll bang damn it. EDIT: Nope. Now I will bang every Stand. No exceptions. Don’t care.

EDIT EDIT: fdsalkfjsalf i deleted Standalous, so this post was lost. But never fear, I am here with the repost! I’ll add any new Stands in Jojolion when I get caught up (WHENEVER THAT WILL BE UGH SO MUCH TO DO)

Honorary Stand

KRISTOFFS-BIZARRE-ADVENTURE

Pros: Hilarious, sweet, and has a hot bod B)

Bang?: YOU BET YOUR SWEET ASS I WOULD, WOULD BANG

Stardust Crusaders:

Star Platinum          

Pros: Hot, strong, precise, he might actually “ORAORAORA” during the do, wouldn’t that be great?

Bang?: Would bang

Hermit Purple

Pros: Bondage

Cons: Thorns

Bang?: I mean, I don’t think you can bang vines but you can use them during the act sooooo? Yeah would bang?

Magician’s Red

Pros: Hot (Like no he’s actually hot, he’s a fire chicken c’mon very warm), strong

Cons: Beak face (can’t kiss), feathers, probably get burned I don’t know

Bang?: Ye, would bang

Hierophant Green

Pros: Tentacles, bondage

Cons: Tentacles, no proper mouth so can’t kiss

Bang?: Yeah would bang

Silver Chariot

Pros: Quick and precise

Cons: He’s probably really cold unless he takes his armor off but still

Bang?: Yeah would bang he’s such a cutie

The Fool

Cons: Sand

Bang?: Would bang

Tower of Gray

Cons: It’s a beetle

Bang?: Fuck no would not bang do you want to bang a beetle I don’t fucking think so, next EDIT: NOPE. WOULD BANG A BEETLE

Dark Blue Moon      

Cons: Razor scales (like ouch?), barnacles (no thank you), no proper mouth, I mean doesn’t he really only work super well in the water so like you’ll probably have to be underwater to do that and just like no EDIT: How about yes!? Underwater sex is kinky as fuck

Bang?: Would bang

Strength

Cons: It’s a fucking ship

Bang?: I’m not banging a fucking ship, would not bang EDIT: I WOULD SO FUCK A SHIP HELL YEAH

Ebony Devil  

Cons: It’s like a puppet doll thing, besides hate sex ain’t my thing EDIT: Now it is

Bang?: Would bang

Yellow Temperance

Cons: It’s like…yellow goop and it eats you basically, I mean you could bang it I guess but like I wouldn’t recommend it?

Bang?: Like no, would not bang EDIT: Like yes, would so bang

Emperor

Pros: I mean, since it can home in on things, but like that’s a bullet homing in inside of you ummmm no?

Cons: It’s a gun

Bang?: I mean you could shove it up your butt, but like personally no, would not bang EDIT: WOULD BANG, I’M SHOVING A GUN UP MY BUTT AND YOU CAN’T STOP ME

Hanged Man

Pros: Yay finally a humanoid-ish Stand!

Cons: But it’s a mummy, and like can it only fuck you through your reflection or what??

Bang?: Would not bang EDIT: MIRROR SEX IS IN. WOULD BANG.

Empress

Cons: How would this even work?, like first you need the blood of the user to fall on you and then the Stand grows but like it’s not a separate entity since it’s trying to absorb you on your body and no. No.

Bang?: Would not bang EDIT: I’LL MAKE IT WORK, WOULD BANG

Wheel of Fortune    

Cons: It’s a fucking car

Bang?: I’m not going to bang a fucking car, would not bang EDIT: NOPE. GONNA BANG A CAR, GOODBYE

Justice

Pros: Humanoid-ish Stand again!

Cons: Too bad it’s a skeleton, a fog skeleton

Bang?: I’ll pass, would not bang, but it’s a very attractive skeleton (don’t ask me how this is possible) EDIT: I WOULD BANG A FOG SKELETON, DON’T CARE

Lovers

Cons: It’s a fucking robot mosquito

Bang?: I’m not banging a fucking robot mosquito, would not bang bye EDIT: HELLO, ROBOT MOSQUITOS ARE HOT, WOULD BANG, NO QUESTIONS

Sun    

Cons: JUST FUCK A REPLICA OF THE SUN. JUST DO IT.

Bang?: Would not bang, EDIT: HOTTEST STAND THERE IS, YOU BET YOUR SWEET ASS I’M BANGING THE SUN B)

Death Thirteen

Bang?: Would not bang, nope let’s continue bye EDIT: CLOWN SHINIGAMI UP IN THIS BITCH!? FUUUUUUUCK YEAH LET’S GOOOOO, WOULD BANG

Judgement

Bang?: Just no, I’m not going to bang a genie type Stand, I’m just not, probably try to kill me during the whole thing nah man, would not bang, HELL 2 U EDIT: NAH WOULD BANG

High Priestess          

Cons: It’s basically a mask with arms and hard as diamond teeth, that’s a big no for me

Bang?: Would not bang EDIT: THAT’S A BIG YES FOR ME, KINKY AS SHIT, WOULD BANG

Geb    

Cons: It’s water?

Bang?: Would not bang, I mean you could maybe I don’t really know but I wouldn’t? EDIT: I’m going to fuck water

Khnum          

Cons: How would this even work? You’ll basically have to bang Oingo and sure he could transform into somebody else or whatever but no

Bang?: Nah, would not bang EDIT: WOULD BANG

Tohth

Cons: It’s a fucking book

Bang?: No man, would not bang EDIT: IM FUCKING A BOOK

Anubis          

Pros: Human booooooooodeh!

Cons: Jackal head, welp can’t win em all

Bang?: Would bang, hey at this point I’m desperate

Bastet

Cons: It’s an outlet

Bang?: Would BANG

Sethan

Cons: It’s a shadow and it can quickly de-age you, NOOOOOOOOOOOOO, how would you even fuck a shadow, how would you go about that?

Bang?: WOULD NOT BANG, I do not recommend this Stand EDIT: FUCK THAT, I RECOMMEND IT. WOULD BANG YEAH

Osiris

Pros: Fairly attractive

Cons: Lower half is basically mist so perhaps no “you know” to “you know” but who knows? Maybe he can materialise a lower half, dunno

Bang?: Would bang, as long as I don’t lose a bet I’m good so fuck it let’s do it

Horus

Bang?: Would bang

Atum  

Pros: Fairly attractive, a lower half (which really just makes me think Osiris can form it, so hell yeah)

Bang?: Would bang

Tenore Sax    

Cons: It just like creates illusions man

Bang?: Would BANG, DON’T KNOW HOW BUT YE

Cream

Pros: Big, hot (for a monster, please lower your standards if you’re even still reading this omg bless your soul)

Bang?: Would bang, hell yeah

The World

PROS: HERE HE FUCKING IS, JFC, BIG, STRONG, HOT AS FUCK, ALL OTHER STANDS SIT DOWN, YOU AIN’T GOT NOTHING ON THE WORLD

Bang?: HE CAN FUCK ME ALL NIGHT LONG, ALL DAY LONG, OH MY GOD YES, WOULD BANG, WOULD FUCKING BANG

Diamond Is Unbreakable:

Crazy Diamond

Pros: Big, strong, hot, he can basically heal you if things get a little too rough I mean what

Bang?: Oh fuck yeah, would bang

The Hand

Pros: Big, strong, fairly attractive for a Stand

Bang?: Would bang

Echoes

Pros: Act 3 would probably be really vocal, so that could be fun

Cons: Act 1 and 2 aren’t all that human-like so

Bang?: Would bang Act 3

Heaven’s Door

Pros: Could probably read how you like it and stuff, he’s cute

Bang?: Would bang

Aqua Necklace

Cons: I mean it has a humanoid figure but it’s still like liquid

Bang?: Would bang

Bad Company

Pros: I’m sure I can find an army of little men useful in some way *wiggles eyebrows*

Cons: They’re little men so you can’t really bang em??

Bang?: Would bang, I can think of uses for them so

Red Hot Chili Pepper

Cons: Pretty fucking ugly, no proper mouth

Bang?: Would not bang, I mean you can but I won’t EDIT: I WILL. WOULD BANG

The Lock

Cons: It’s basically a fucking lock?

Bang?: Um no?, would not bang EDIT: UM YES? WOULD BANG A LOCK

Surface

Pros: Okay but like you could have it mimic yourself, you could literally fuck yourself, you could let it mimic somebody else and unlike Oingo’s, you’ll be fucking the Stand not the user! How great is that!?!?!?!?!?!?

Bang?: HELL YEAH, would bang

Love Deluxe

Cons: Uhh it’s hair

Bang?: I’m not fucking hair, would not bang EDIT: IM FUCKING HAIR, IT’S DONE

Pearl Jam

Pros: Okay but get this what if you’re giving Tonio head and you swallow and he has his Pearl Jam inside his “stuff”, it could like cure you of whatever ailment you have, right? Man I don’t know but think about it, or what if you’re eating out somebody? I mean just think about it, that’s all I’m asking

Cons: They’re like little cute tomato onion things?

Bang?: Would bang, the uses are there just think on it okay

Ratt

Bang?: Would not bang EDIT: STILL WOULD NOT BANG

Harvest

Bang?: Would not bang, man hell no I’m not even going to put thought into this one (Sorry I really don’t like this Stand, I don’t even know why) EDIT: ACTUALLY YEAH I STILL REALLY HATE THIS STAND SO NO, STILL WOULD NOT BANG

Cinderella

Pros: She’s pretty

Cons: But no proper mouth

Bang?: Sure, would bang

Boy II Man

Pros: Kind of attractive I guess

Cons: No proper mouth

Bang?: Would bang

Highway Star

Pros: Mmmmmm hot body, proper mouth!!!, fairly attractive

Bang?: Would bang

Super Fly

Cons: It’s a fucking telephone tower man

Bang?: Man no, would not bang, get outta here EDIT: HELLLLLLLLL YEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH, FUCKING A TOWER IS EASIER THAN FUCKING A SHIP, GET OUTTA HERE MYSELF, WOULD BANG

Enigma

Pros: Pretty attractive actually, nice body

Cons: No proper mouth

Bang?: I mean yeah why not, would bang

Cheap Trick

Bang?: Fuck off no, would not bang EDIT: FUCK YEAH WOULD BANG

Atom Heart Father

Bang?: EWWWWWWW NOOOOOOOOO, would not bang EDIT: EWWWWWW YEEEEESSSSSS, WOULD BANG

Stray Cat

Bang?: Would not bang, WHO THE FUCK WOULD BANG A PLANT CAT? EDIT: I FUCKING WOULD???? WOULD BANG

Killer Queen

PROS: HERE’S THE MAIN BAE, AHHHH FUCKING YEAH, FUCKING HOT AS SHIT, THIGHS, ABS, MUSCULAR, HE’S A KITTY, BEAUTIFUL EYES, I COULD GO ON

Bang?: OH FUCKING HELL YEAH MOTHERFUCKER LET’S GO, WOULD BANG, WOULD FUCKING BANG, new meaning to “Sex Bomb” AMIRITE!?

Vento Aureo:

Gold Experience

Pros: He’s a wittle cutie pie and has a nice wittle bod (I don’t know why I’m babying him, I just really love GE), okay but with his powers, I’m pretty sure you would have the best orgasm of your life (hah) if he hits you with his life powers, since your senses are heightened, just think about it alright

Bang?: Hell yeah, would bang

Sticky Fingers

Pros: Hot, nice body, *unzips dick*

Bang?: Oh yeah, would bang

Aerosmith

Cons: It’s a fucking toy airplane

Bang?: I’m fucking a toy airplane, would bang

Moody Blues

Pros: He’s pretty fucking hot to be honest with you guys, probably could relive past bangs with his rebroadcasting ability, I mean I’m just saying

Cons: No proper mouth tho, such a shame

Bang?: Would bang

Sex Pistols

Bang?: WOULD NOT BANG, they’re my precious little babies I could never!!! Nooooooooo!!!!, I mean I can think of some uses for them BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOO EDIT: SHHHHHHHHHHHHH. WOULD BANG

Purple Haze

Pros: Fuuuuuuuuck PH is so fucking attractive all around, probably crazy in bed too mmm

Cons: His mouth is like stitched up but I find that hot too, BUT UHM HIS VIRUS???????, but with PH Distortion I guess this can be avoided since the viruses like eat each other?? But still would be scared to, but it would be worth it in the end (at least for me anyway)

Bang?: Would bang, probably die in the end, but oh man so fucking worth it just look at him

Spice Girl

Pros: She’s so beautiful oh my gooooooooood

Bang?: Please yes, would bang, definitely

Black Sabbath

Pros: He has a mouth and everything I guess

Cons: But he’s not really all that attractive

Bang?: Uhm, I’ll just say no, would not bang EDIT: MMMMMMMM YES WOULD BANG

Soft Machine

Pros: Pretty attractive

Cons: No proper mouth man

Bang?: Yeah, would bang, I wonder how you could use his deflating ability in a kinky way hmm

Kraft Work

Cons: Kind of scary tbh

Bang?: Nah, would not bang EDIT: YAH, WOULD BANG

Little Feet

Cons: Really scary looking

Bang?: No thank you, would not bang, but I can think of some uses for that shrinking power let me tell you EDIT: yes thank you, would bang

Man in the Mirror

Pros: Loving the shades holy shit, that’s hot

Cons: No proper mouth :[

Bang?: Yeah, would bang

Mr. President

Bang?: I’M NOT FUCKING A TURTLE, GET OUT, WOULD NOT BANG EDIT: WELL YEAH STILL WOULD NOT BANG

The Grateful Dead

Pros: Tentacles?

Cons: I mean, if you’re doing the frick frack with him and his whole power depends on body heat and like nooooooooo, do the “thing” and you’ll age hella fast nooooo would not recommend

Bang?: Noooooooo, would not bang EDIT: PLEASE YES WOULD BANG

Beach Boy

Cons: Ehm, it’s a fishing rod

Bang?: I personally would not bang, but hey each to their own, shove it up somewhere man I don’t know EDIT: I’M SHOVING IT UP MY SOMEWHERE ALRIGHT, WOULD BANG

Baby Face

Pros/Cons: To be honest, it just depends on who the mother is since he gets his personality from her, but hey he’s cute so

Bang?: Why not, would bang

White Album

Cons: Ghiaccio wore it, so???????? I mean? I don’t really know?

Bang?: I’m not sure? I would love to bang Ghiaccio but this is a Stand bang list damn it so uhhhh????????, would bang?

Clash

Bang?: I’m not fucking a fish shark thing, would not bang EDIT: WOULD BANG

Talking Head

Bang?: Ewww no, would not bang, how would that even work EDIT: I DON’T KNOW BUT WOULD BANG

Notorious B.I.G.

Bang?: Noooooooooooooooooooo, would not bang, again how would this even work it’s like a fucking creature thing like no and it like attacks things that move so if you try to bang it might kill you??? or like I don’t even know just no EDIT: IM FUCKING B.I.G.

Metallica

Bang?: I love this Stand so much, but NOPE, WOULD NOT BANG, HOW EVEN WORK, DUNNO, DON’T WANNA KNOW, I’M NOT REALLY INTO BLOOD PLAY???, NEXT EDIT: FUCKING THEM, WOULD BANG

Green Day

Cons: Kinda creepy looking and like mold???? No thank you

Bang?: Would bang EDIT: B)

Oasis

Cons: Again Secco wears it so uhhh????

Bang?: No, would not bang, not even the user hell no EDIT: WOULD BANG, still not the user tho

Chariot Requiem

Pros: He’s really cool looking

Bang?: I mean why not man, would bang

Gold Experience Requiem

Pros: Mmmm fuck me GER, he’s so hot

Bang?: You fucking know it, would bang

Rolling Stones

Cons: It’s like a fucking rock what the fuck would you even do with it

Bang?: No, would not bang EDIT: FUCKING A ROCK LET’S GO, WOULD BANG

King Crimson

PROS: *FANS SELF*, OH FUCK, HERE HE IS, OH SWEET MERCIFUL HEAVENS, HE’S SO HOT, HE’S JUST SO FUCKING HOT, HIS BODY, HIS TWO FACES (PERPETUALLY PISSED OFF), HIS CALVES, I LOVE KC’S LEGS SO MUCH YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND

BANG?: FUCKING HELL YES YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW, YOU DON’T EVEN KNOOOOOOOW, WOULD BANG, WOULD FUCKING BANG

Stone Ocean:

Stone Free

Pros: HER SHAAAAAAAADES, she’s so fucking beautiful, also bondage

Bang?: Fuck yes, would bang

Kiss

Pros: She’s fucking hot bruh

Bang?: Yuh, would bang

Burning Down the House

Cons: Isn’t it a fucking room??

Bang?: I mean I guess you could bang inside the room, maybe on top of the piano and shit but no, would not bang? EDIT: WOULD BANG

Foo Fighters

Bang?: FF is basically sentient plankton and I love her, but no, would not bang EDIT: WOULD BANG FF

Weather Report

Pros: He’s so fucking cute

Cons: No proper mouth

Bang?: Yessssssss, would bang

Diver Down

Pros: I love Double D, he’s so cute!!!

Cons: Again no proper mouth

Bang?: Yup, would bang

Goo Goo Dolls

Cons: Creepy as shit

Bang?: Noooo, would not bang EDIT: WOULD BANG

Manhattan Transfer

Cons: It’s a fucking thing! I don’t what to call it but it’s a thing!

Bang?: It’s a fucking thing I don’t know! No, would not bang! I don’t even know what it is! Love the user tho EDIT: I’M FUCKING A THING, WOULD BANG

Highway to Hell

Bang?: Would not bang, how even EDIT: I DUNNO BUT WOULD BANG

Marilyn Manson

Pros: Humanoid body

Cons: Kinda ugly tho, no proper mouth

Bang?: Nah, would not bang EDIT: YAH, WOULD BANG

Jumpin’ Jack Flash

Cons: Isn’t it a fucking suit thing too???

Bang?: Would bang

Limp Bizkit

Cons: It’s basically just an ability, no physical form

Bang?: No, I would have to fuck an invisible corpse, like jfc I’ll pass thank you, would not bang EDIT: WELL. YEAH IT IS AN ABILITY. SO…YEAH NO.

Survivor

Cons: It’s a fucking thing as well!!!!

Bang?: NO! It would just turn the sex extremely violent and someone will end up dead or something, I do not recommend this Stand, would not bang EDIT: FUCK IT, WOULD BANG. DEATH BY BANGING

Planet Waves

Pros: Pretty hot

Cons: Face kinda ugly tho

Bang?: Yeah, would bang

Dragon’s Dream

Bang?: Would not bang, just…no bye EDIT: YES HELLO, WOULD BANG

Yo-Yo Ma

Bang?: Nah he ugly, would bang EDIT: B)

Green, Green Grass of Home

Cons: You wouldn’t even be able to approach him???

Bang?: How!? Would not bang, even if he didn’t activate his power still would not bang, he’s creepy looking, love the Stand tho EDIT: BEING CREEPY IS A TURN ON, WOULD BANG

Jail House Lock

Cons: Ugly as fuck bruh

Bang?: Nah son, would not bang EDIT: WOULD BANG

Bohemian Rhapsody

Bang?: I mean, it can bring characters to life but you’re fated to what their story is and just nooooooo thank you, would not bang EDIT: WOULD BANG, HELLO? EVER HEARD OF ROLEPLAYING!?!?!??

Sky High

Cons: It’s a fucking beetle and rods ewwwww

Bang?: No, would not bang EDIT: WOULD BANG, if i can bang a robot mosquito i can bang anything

Under World

Pros: Pretty cute

Cons: No proper mouth

Bang?: I guess, would bang

Whitesnake

PROS: OH FUCK ME, THERE HE FUCKING IS, OH GOD, OH GOOOOOOOD, HE’S SO FUCKING HOT THO, EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM IS SO ATTRACTIVE, HIS BODY, HIS VOICE, HIS PERSONALITY, UGH, UGGGGGGHHHHHHH I’M FUCKING BLUSHING HOLY SHIT

BANG?: PFFFFFT NO SHIT SHERLOCK, PUT ME IN A THREESOME WITH THE WORLD AND WHITESNAKE, FUCKING DO IT, WOULD BANG, WOULD FUCKING BANG

C-Moon

PROS: MMMMMMM I FIND C-MOON SO ATTRACTIVE I’M SO SORRY

BANG?: PLEASE YES FUCK ME PLEASE, WOULD BANG, WOULD FUCKING BANG

Made in Heaven

PROS: HE’S PRETTY FUCKING CUTE I WON’T LIE

CONS: HIS LOWER HALF IS A HORSE HEAD AND LEGS??????

BANG?: I MEAN, NO, BUT HE’S STILL ONE OF MY FAVOURITE STANDS, BUT NO, WOULD NOT BANG EDIT: SHUT THE FUCK UP. I WOULD SO BANG MIH GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE WITH THAT BULLSHIT, WOULD FUCKING BANG

Steel Ball Run (EDIT: Actually SBR Stands are so different so most of these won’t be edited):

Scan

Bang?: Uh. How would this even…no, would not bang

Ball Breaker

Bang?: *scratches head* No, would not bang

Tusk

Bang?: I find all Acts of Tusk extremely adorable, but no would not bang any of them EDIT: UHM. YES WOULD BANG ALL OF THEM BYE

Ticket to Ride

Bang?: It’s not really a Stand like the others with a physical form like Star Platinum or something you wear like White Album, so would not bang, SBR is being difficult oh my god

Cream Starter

Cons: It’s a fucking spray can?

Bang?: Would not bang a fucking spray can

Oh! Lonesome Me

Cons: SBR hates me. It’s not like fucking ugh it just allows Tim to separate his body parts with rope and shit man, no physical form

Bang?: Nooooooo, would not bang, can’t bang??? Would bang Tim tho but like he’s not a Stand

Hey Ya!

Cons: Ugly and creepy looking but thank you for being a Stand I can comprehend banging!

Bang?: Would not bang

Boku no Rhythm wo Kiitekure

Bang?: It was like little time bombs with pins and shit man, no, would not bang, damn it SBR

20th Century Boy

Bang?: *bangs head against desk* Again, you like wear it? Soooooo???? Would not bang

Wired

Bang?: Hooks man, no man, just no. Would not bang

Mandom

Pros: I mean, he doesn’t really have a face but he’s cute in his own way

Cons: I mean, he doesn’t really have a face? Or a body?

Bang?: I mean, how would even bang him? Would not bang?

Catch the Rainbow

Cons: It’s a mask

Bang?: No, it’s a mask. Would not bang

Tubular Bells  

Bang?: It’s more of an ability than anything, no physical form a fucking again so no, would not bang, c’mon SBR be nice to me

Scary Monsters

Bang?: I AM NOT BANGING DINOSAURS, NO, GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE, BYE, BYEEEEEEEE, WOULD NOT BANG, WOULD NOT RECOMMEND, MOVING ON

In a Silent Way

Cons: Creeps me the fuck out

Bang?: Naaaaaah, would not bang EDIT: WOULD BANG

Tomb of the Boom

Bang?: Nah fuck that it ugly looking, would not bang, next

Tatoo You!

Bang?: Would not bang

Sugar Mountain

Cons: FUCK A TREE. JUST FUCKING DO IT. GO AHEAD.

Bang?: Would not bang EDIT: I’M FUCKING A TREE

Civil War

Pros: Humanoid figure!

Cons: Scary looking tho

Bang?: Would not bang

Chocolate Disco

Cons: Uh. It’s like arm grid thing.

Bang?: Uh. No. Would not bang

Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap

PROS: ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL FUCKING RIIIIIIIIGHT, HERE HE IS, HERE HE FUCKING IS, THE ONE AND ONLY BUNNY, SO HOT, SO GODDAMN HOT, AND HIS BUNNY EARS JUST LOOK AT EM, AND A NICE FUCKING BOD, could probably have an orgy with the user too if you want since parallel worlds and what not

CONS: NO PROPER MOUTH THO

BANG?: YA DARN FUCKING RIGHT, WOULD BANG, WOULD FUCKING BANG

JoJolion:

Soft & Wet

Pros: S&W is actually the cutest fucking thing, look at him, precious baby!!!! He has a great butt too

Cons: Poor baby has no proper mouth

Bang?: Totes, would bang, pretty sure you could come up with some kinky stuff with his ability to temporary take something away too

Fun Fun Fun

Bang?: No man, would not bang EDIT: YES MAN, WOULD BANG

California King Bed

Pros: Pretty cute

Cons: Uhhh no proper body

Bang?: Nah man, would not bang EDIT: WOULD BANG

Paisley Park

Pros: She’s pretty cute too

Cons: No proper mouth, a shame

Bang?: Sure, would bang

Born This Way

Pros: Humanoid figure

Cons: Ugly

Bang?: Would bang EDIT: B)

Les Feuilles

Bang?: Fucking eww no, would not bang EDIT: WOULD BANG, KINKY

Nut King Call

Pros: Humanoid figure!

Cons: Ugly!

Bang?: Would not bang, but I love the Stand EDIT: SHUT UP, WOULD BANG

Paper Moon King

Cons: FUCK ORIGAMI. FUCK YEAH.

Bang?: Would bang EDIT: FUCKING ORIGAMI B)

I Am a Rock

Pros: Okay but what if he uses his selective attraction on his own spiked dick or something and hits your sweet spot or whatever without fail as y’all are doing “the thing”, tbh I’m just spouting shit because I’m pretty sure nobody has read now this far

Cons: Those spikes look like they’ll be painful man

Bang?: Love the Stand, love the user, but would not bang EDIT: BE QUIET, WOULD BANG

King Nothing

Pros: Pretty cute actually

Cons: No proper mouth and…puzzle pieces

Bang?: I don’t think it would be comfortable? Would not bang? EDIT: BEING COMFORTABLE IS FOR CHUMPS, WOULD BANG

—

I’M FUCKING DONE I’M GOING TO CRY THIS TOOK TOO LONG OH MY GOD

[shamelesskpopsmut-blog]

**~~Covetousness~~**

Parings? Hobi x Reader. Rating- R+ Mature audiences only please. Featuring- Jeon So Mi ( From ioi ), HookGa, MAMA, Alice In Wonderland “ we’re all mad here. “ Disclaimer- I do not own the featuring people, songs, and quotes. By-shamelesskpopsmut. Posted- 4/5/17 Summery- She looks at me noticing I was staring and gave me a wave and a petty smile. I fake a smile back to her and wave. I then saw Hobi go up to her and give her a ruffle on her brown precious hair. Her gleaming smooth skin gives off a light a bit. They were the only happy ones in the town as of right now. She kisses Hobi on the cheek. Hobi sees me then waves. He acted quite strange around her today. He was usually on her side but surprisingly he was on mine...

I look outside the window of the vacant cafe sipping my boba. Winter has arrived and everyone could tell. It was very cloudy and looked like it was about to rain. I sigh and rest my head on my hand. There was a lot of depressed and ill people outside. It's probably because of the weather. This is pure torture. Jimin wished in the wishing well that winter would come too. Damn you Jimin. I love you to death but damn you.... Of course this love was like a friendship love. While I was looking out I see her again, Jeon So-Mi . The girl who stole my only love, Hobi. We wasn’t together yet. No not at all... But I was backstage once awaiting for him to get done with his concert. With flowers in my hand. Jeon So-Mi was also there. When he got done Jeon So-Mi just gave him a smokey kiss on the lips. Jeon So-Mi is a singer too. Of course she didn't want to hurt me but still... Every time I see her and him so perfectly happy together I envy it. I didn't know so much hate can creep in an innocent souls base.

There just living a fairy tail doing everything together. Having romantic rendezvous's ( a.k.a dates ), tender kisses, amorous looks when they look at each other, and loud fucking intercourse. There Korea’s most beloved couple and yeah yeah. 

She looks at me noticing I was staring and gave me a wave and a petty smile. I fake a smile back to her and wave. I then saw Hobi go up to her and give her a ruffle on her brown precious hair. Her gleaming smooth skin gives off a light a bit. They were the only happy ones in the town as of right now. She kisses Hobi on the cheek. Hobi sees me then waves. I wave back and yeah yeah. It doesn't really matter now. My gut tells me to confront them about my feelings but my heart is telling me no. Even if I did so it wouldn't make a difference or dint in there relationship and if I get rejected by him then I will be heart broken forever and I don’t want that. Soon I see them pass holding each others hands. I sigh and start to finish up my mango tea boba chewing the remaining ones at the bottom of the cup.

" Why do you even like this place. It's depressing. " Namjoon says coming out from the back. I shake a little breaking free from my thoughts " Oh i'm sorry! Did I scare ya? " He asks me. I laugh at him " Just a tad bit. " I say. He laughs at me

" Well I'm sorry to scare you! When you were in here I got scared myself! " He says looking around the desolate place. " This place used to be one of the most favored places in Korea but now it's a big empty slop.Why do you even come here? " He asked me again. I look at her and put my empty hand on my hip " because this place has the best damn boba I've ever tried! " I say shaking my hip and snapping my hands. He laughed at me and then sighed getting his trench coat and hat off the rack. I look at her and wonder where he was going. He was the only one here. The only worker that is. Well his father owns the shop.. He just help outs. His father in probably at his house sobbing. " Hey... " I say to him, She looks at me. " I don't want to be a bummer or anything but nothing lasts forever... " I say. He then busts up laughing for some reason. Was I funny?

" Uhhh.... Are you okay? " I ask smiling at him weirdly.

" Gosh. You really know how to cheer up moods don't you! " He says. I laugh

" I'm sorry was I bad? "

" Very very bad! " He teases then I laugh. She buttons the last few buttons left on her black trench coat.

" Where are you going? " I ask.

" Home! I have to make dinner for my girlfriend! " He says.

" Well... Do you want me to get out? " I say getting up a little. He shakes hi head

" Stay in here all you want. Refrigerators open~! " Namjoon sung.

" Really? " I ask.

" Yep. Just do me a favor and close up the store, And if people walk in just do what a waitress does and cook. " She says. Oh my gosh this is the highlight of my day. I always wanted to raid a refrigerator. " I will! " I say. He smiles at me then tosses the keys. Of course knowing me I miss. He starts opening the door. " Wait! " I say. He looks at me.

" Hm? "

" Before you leave.... Can I uh... Wear your apron? "

" Sure, Do whatever you want except trash the place! " He laughs. I giggle and nod. I was serious about the apron tho. " Bye! Don't forget to lock up and have a nice night! " He waves. I wave my mouth was full with boba. He laughs and walks out. Now i'm all alone. Just the refrigerator with me. A date with the refrigerator. Oh this will be fun heheheheheh.... As soon as i'm done with my boba I threw it away. A couple minutes passed and I go ahead and prepare up some steak and salad and just for good “measure” a piece of carrot cake. While I was in the kitchen with my chef hat and apron on I hum ( A childhood remedy ) that I love. Then I hear some sounds. It was coming closer. Talking and laughing. Did the He come back! No these were two voices... Male... Female.... The heck? Maybe there just passing by.

 I laugh to my self and shake my head of my nervousness but then... I hear the door open. SHIT! I can't hide! Wait can I? No I can't! This place needs some money badly! I cry mentally pouting my bottom lip. " Hello? is anyone there? " A cute female voice says. I sigh and put down the black spatula and rush to the front desk. " Hello~! Nice to meet you- " I seen that it was them. Hobi and Jeon. Gosh this is my own little living hell. " Oh what's up Jeon! " I say to her smiling. She smiles back. “ Hi! “ Hobi smiles at me and fixes his hair. I try not to stare as much. I blush “ Erm! What would you like today? “ I asked trying to change the subject. Hobi then spoke “ I didn’t know you work here? “ Jeon nodded and held on to his arm. “ I’m just watching over the place. Namjoon had to go take care of his girlfriend. “ Hobi then laughed then Jeon. Was I funny or awkward? they were giving me mixed signals “ What? “ I asked. Hobi spoke again looking into my eyes “ Namjoon doesn’t have a girlfriend! “ Jeon decided to finish his sentence “ Yeah! He was probably just tricking you! “ I look at them blankly for a couple seconds then turned my head back “ That son of a bitch... “ I darkly mumbled. I appreciate that he let me raid his refrigerator but still! Hobi laughed and Jeon was silent.

 Jeon looked at the menu and raised an eyebrow “ Theres not that much of a selection here... “ She mumbled. Hobi flicked her shoulder “ Be nice. “ He whispered. Jeon sighed as she continued to look through the menu. I could see why Namjoon doesn’t like this girl. Hobi spoke taking the menu away from his girlfriend “ We’ll just have the steak and salad. “ Jeon added “ And some carrot cake. “ She reached in her purse. “ Here " She says handing me the money. She left a little extra. Why?, She was probably giving me the money because Hobi always looses his. " Er. Thanks I only need this much though. " I say taking half the money. " No, no, I want to give you a little tip too... I know your all depressed in this place! So please I wan't you to cheer up your day buying new things. " HOW. DARE. SHE. I laugh at her. " Oh no, please take your money. I have money of my own. This place is like a home to me so i'm not depressed at all. I say sliding her money back to her " Are you sure? " She asked me raising her eyebrow " Positive. " I smile. 

They go sit down. I finish what used to be my stake on the steaming pan. I get the salad and chop it up into tiny pieces then I put some tomatoes in it, onions,peanuts,cranberries, and this cafes secret ranch dressing. " Alrighty! " I say finishing up the salad. Soon I get the carrot cake out of the refrigerator and slice it. Suga used to come here for his carrot cake but no he betrayed us for some other place. It's fine though. He's funny and confusing sometimes I can relate a bit. Finally I put the steak on the plate and the salad. Getting another small plate I put the carrot cake on there. " There we are! " I say putting there dinner on the big tray. I look at myself in the mirror to see if I look at least half way decent for me serving the food to them. I look alright. 

I go out the kitchen carrying the the food. "Order up~! " I sung. Jeon put her two hands together with her eyes sparkingly wide looking at the food Hobi looks at the food admiring the smell of it. Jokes of them it's just heated up food... But since I felt artsy I put my spice on it. I serve the food to them " Oh thank you so much! " Jeon smiles. " Yep... anytime....anytime. " I say. Hobi nods as he looks at the food with delight. He then looks at me giving me a smile " Wow!, Your super talented! " He winks at me. I blush a bit and smile "Well I learn from the best! " I say. Hobi then shakes his head and laughs " I only taught you how to make sausages! " He laughs. He taught me when our group was camping. Him and I woke up early and decided to make breakfast for everyone. It turned out horrid but the sausages was amazing

" Those were the best damn sausages I ever had. " I laugh. I then turn the tray to my stomach and bow a bit " Well i'll leave you two at it! " I smile. Hobi smiles and waves " Thanks again! " He says

" Anytime! If you need me just come in the kitchen. I'll be on the computer. " I say." Alright " They say. As I left them alone on there date I got the computer out and wen't to (manga network ) and I read some romantic manga... “Kiss the girl already Shin!” I mumbled. I hear Hobi and Jeon whispering to eachother. I wanted to ease drop so freaking bad but I knew it wasn’t right so I didn’t. After a couple minutes Jeon calls me. I got up " Yes? " I say. " Is this food alright? " Hobi then looks at her annoyed " Jeon! " He whispers.

  " What? " She whispers back to him.

I come out of the kitchen " Did you ask me if the food was alright? " I smile. I must've misheard her. " Yep. " She says. " It's shaking. " She pointed at the steak. Ace already finished his. He then looked at me " Excuse her... I don't know whats gotten into her. " Hobi apologized eyeing her. Everything Hobi. Everything has gotten into her. I sigh at Jeon. " Yes Jeon. The food is okay. " I say. She tilts her head at me giving me a muddled look " Ya sure? It doesn't look like it " She laughs. Her attitude was as if she was jealous for some reason. My lips form into a slight smile " Do you want me to make you something else. " I got a bit irritated. Jeon shakes her head quickly side to side 

" No thank you! " She says. Hobi sighs

"  Your food was amazing okay. " He says to me. No, I don't wan't people to try to make me feel better when I'm not even hurt.

" Oh no don't worry Hobi. Some people have there opinions... "

Jeon spoke " Yeah... That's probably why this place is as empty as ever. "  She smirks looking around. " You should probably get an actual job that pays you money so maybe you could at least get a decent boyfriend this time. One that won't break up with you " Jeon laughs and smiles at me.

.

.

.

.

THAT'S IT.

" Yeah It's probably different with you since you lure all kinds of guys in your room everyday. " I smile at her. It was true too. I seen her cheat on Hobi more than once. " We probably have way different personalities. " I paint a sarcastic smile on my face. Hobi just looks at us and then at Jeon. " What?! No Hobi is the only one I dated you sick bastard! " She spat at me getting me even more angry. " Your just jealous because no one really likes the worthless you. " She says. I laugh getting a little twitch of vexation. " Yeah... That's what all whores say. " I mumble the last part. Hobi laughs at my comment. Why would he do that? Isn't he on her side? Alice then stands up and throws her carrot cake piece at me. " Awwww! I was going to eat thaaaaaatttt! " Hobi whines.

I stood there in shock. Then the rage set in. I turn back to her smiling. Jeon yells again " I want my money back! And you call this cake?! " There happens to be a full cup of boba on the table next to me. How did that get there? Maybe the gods want me to throw this at her. Hm. Fine with me. I slowly take off the cap. " Sorry beloved slut but... NO REFUNDS! " I throw the boba at her getting some on her face and staining her expensive winter outfit. She got very very mad. " Hobi! See what she did! Tell on her to her manager! You can do that right?! She doesn’t deserve to be in the kpop world! " She whines. I sing and dance. I’m just a unnoticed rapper. Well... I am a little noticed by my rap in hookga but besides that. Wiping off her face.  " Oh boo hoo! " I say wiping off the carrot cake a little. Hobi laughs nervously and looks at me." Yeah I can't do that.... " He says.

" WHY! " She says. " Because.... I-...... hahahahahaha! Wow what a fight! " He stops his sentence. What?.... What was that. I felt this sign of anxiety in my heart and my heart beats getting faster. " Well. People always tell on each other everyday in ibighit right! Besides.... " She then picks up a plate. Hobi and I look at her blankly "We're all made here. " Her eyes looked as if they turned darker less than two seconds she got the plate and threw it towards me. The plate acting as if it was a Frisbee. I got the big tray and blocked the plate. The plate fell on the ground making a big mess. She tried to kill me?! Aishh! I thought sh wanted to just tell on me! I don't want to hurt her. I can't kill her, I don't want to get a bad name for killing the most beloved girl. When the plate his me a sharp part of it cut my shoulder a bit making me bleed. " JEON! " Hobi yells.... .Jeon was mad and we could all tell.  " First of all... That was the most cringest pickup line I ever heard in my life. Second.... Catch. " I then did the exact same but with a tray. The tray was faster. Jeon got punched in the stomach. She fell down and held her stomach. " I HATE YOU! " She yells at me. I sigh she was making a big deal out of this. She hit me first... Maybe it was a little rude of me to his her with a tray but I cant stand there and do noting. She picked up a glass shard and before I can react she threw it at my feet. Ripping the skin so some blood could be set free. The pain set in soon. " Ah! " I panic feeling my ripped skin. Hobi then gets up."  JEON. LETS GO. " He says getting her up. She nods and leaves with Hobi.

" Damn. "  I say. Look at his mess.... I go to the kitchen and get a paper towel to wash up a bit. I wet in and put it on my scar. Then I look in the emergency cabinet get the alcohol. Before I do so I close the blinds. I don't think people want to see me heal myself on the cafe counter... I hear the door open as I was opening the cap to the cure. It was Hobi. " Are you here to yell at me? " I say looking at him and raining my eye brow. He laughs " No! Why would I do that! "He says. I look at him then my cut started to sting. I shake a bit. " Here allow me. " He says. I nod. He comes over and puts his warm hand over my leg " Alright. " He gets the cotton balls and puts some alcohol on it. I close my eyes awaiting for more pain. He chuckles at me " Hey.. thanks for confirming that Jeon dates other men to me. " He says.I tilt my head “ Confirming? “He then taps gently on my cut to see if it still stings. I shake a little but then it calmed down. “ I knew in some sense she was dating other guys by the way she looks at them... “ He doesn’t seem sad. 

“ Look i’m really- “

“ Don’t worry. To be honest dont miss her one bit. She always nags me. I was about to break up with her anyways... " He chuckled “ Theres someone else I like... “ I bet it wasn’t me.. Maybe I should just give it up. “ There, As good as new! “ He presents a band aid on my leg. I smile and look down at my used to be cut. " Wow! Thanks so much Hobi!. " I blush swinging my legs. He laughs and looks up at me “ No problem half pint! “ He teases. I laugh a bit. It was getting pretty late. Midnight was usually the time where all the drunkards come out. I sigh as I get up “ I should probably get going. “ I had to walk home.. It was already as dangerous as it is so I better leave. “ Eh? Did you get a car? “ He asked. “ N-No... “ I get my brown jacket off the rack. He stood up and put his hands on his hips “ You know.. It’s pretty dangerous to walk home at night.. Let me drive you! “ He smiled. I smiled back at his offer. It was kind enough for him to fix my cut. I don’t want to waste his gas money. “ Thanks but no thanks I don’t want to waste any of your money.” I kindly decline. He puffed his cheeks at me “ Well... If it is okay with you I kinda need your help. “ My help? He never askes for that. “ Eh? “ I tilt my head.  He chuckled a bit “ I need your help with a new rap i’m doing. Your a good rapper so I want to see if it sounds good. “ He smiles. He usually asks Yoonji or Namjoon to help with this but I guess I could help out. “ Alright. “ I guess I could stay at his place for a bit. He smiled and grabbed my hand. I blush at this. He rushed us to the car. He drove to his house.

 He offered me to go inside. I went inside into his comfy house. He chuckled “Make yourself at home! “ I chuckled back at him “ Don’t mind if I do. “ I mumbled. I sat down on the couch as Hobi got his song lyrics. He came out with a stack of papers. “ So what I’m thinking is the rap could be strong and powerful yet heart spoken. “ He said. I get myself comfortable on the couch as he sits next to me. “ Alright. “ I say getting an idea of what he is going for. “ So.. Could I possibly show you? “ He asked.  I nodded “ Of course! “  “ Alright the song is called mama. “  “ Awww.. “ I teased. “ Shut up. “ He laughs. He starts rapping as he did I listened carefully. After he was done I gave him some tips. The song turned out amazing at the end “Wow that was amazing! “ I say.  “ Gosh I couldn’t of did this without you! “ He laughs.  “ Nah this was all you! “ I laughed back getting up.  He looked at me “ Where are you going? “ He asked. “ Home. “ I smile. “ Aww! No stay for a bit! “ He whines. “ Your apartment doesn’t have water right? “ He asked. What how does he know that?! I didn’t pay my water bill because I was saving for a gift for my grandmother! Then when I payed it they said they had a delay in the process... He chuckled getting up and moving to me “ I only know that because Namjoon told me.. “ THAT FUCKING BASTARD! “Aishhh... “ I hissed. He chuckled at me moving closer. I didn’t notice how close he was until he spoke “ Please. I know it must be hard but go take a shower. “ I looked at him and blushed did I stink “ N-N-NOT SAYING YOU STINK OR ANYTHING! “ He panicked. I blushed and looked down twiddling my fingers together. “ Al-Alright! “ I say. Hobi hands me a black towel with ducks on them. He’s very childish but I think it’s quite funny. I giggle a bit taking the towel from him.  “ Here... If you want to spend the night. It would be easier for you. “ He asked. It would be easier... Besides I could just walk home in the morning not wasting his gas money. I blush and nod. He smiles and hands me one of his black formal shirt. “ I know you dont have any pajamas so just wear this... “  I take his shirt “ Th-Thanks... “ I say. Soon Hobi adjusts the water to be hot but not to hot “ There you go! “ He smiles. He gets out and I start my shower. The water felt so good on my skin and the body wash smelt like heaven. I took my hair band off and washed my hair after I was done washing everything I turned the water off and dryed up. I heard Hobi practice his song as I did so. I put my black lace bra and black lace panties on then his black work shirt. It was like a short nightgown on me. When I was all done I stepped out of the shower and went to the living room Hobi wasn’t there. “ Erm... “ I look around “ In here! “ He finally shouts. I follow the sound of his voice. It lead me in his room. When I arrived Hobi seemed to stare at me for a few seconds. I then saw a smirk appear on his face for some reason. “ Erm... Do you want me to- “ I was going to ask if I was going to sleep in the living room but I was interrupted by him pinning me down to the bed.

 He was now on top of me. I blushed extremely with his body only a few inches away from mine... He held himself up with one hand and the other playing with my hair. He had a serious look on his face. My mind was blank. He whispered “ You know...I really couldn’t help myself... “ Hobi chuckled darkly. What was he talking about?! He moved his hand to my cherry cheek. I blushed “ Uh.. I should probably get- “ I tried to move away but he pushed me down again. “ You know you want this.. You always did didn’t you? “ He teases. 

While my head was up I felt something warm go on my neck. Something warm and wet. It spun around slowly and did slow strokes. His tongue teased my neck. I moaned a bit as he began to suck giving me a hickey. I felt his hand go up my leg. His fingers dragged along my sides tickling me a bit. His chest on mine and his warm lips giving mine another sweet kiss.

 He was the one leading the kiss... His mouth open causing mine too. He looks deeply into my innocent eyes as I look at his lustful ones. He muffles another laugh in the kiss and then stuck is tongue in my mouth. My eyes were open wide. His tongue let out saliva that he made me swallow. I wanted to take a breath so much but he was blocking me to do so. His tongue was playing with mine giving it spins, sucks, and bites. My hands went to his shoulders again. His hand trails up to my hips and he rubs them. The desires grow deeper inside of me as he does so. I begin to kiss back a little. My hips move up then then fall back. He caresses my breast and feels my nipples with his thumb. I just want him to take his clothes off already. I started to get horny. 

Hobi then trails his hands on my stomach and then down to my clit. I moaned a bit trying to be quite. He broke the kiss. Saliva trailed along our unconnected tongues and it dripped down my cheeks. I breathed a put my head up moaning as he rubs on my clit gently. " Do you like that? " He whispers acting as if I was a dog. As he start pushing on it I nod swiftly and bite my lip. He laughs darkly and goes inside me a little. My moans got louder. He smirks as he continues to go inside of me. I wan't more.... So much more... I let out a groan and grip his bed sheets. This feels too good. Hobi then rips my panties off and goes down to it. my clit moves up and down as if it was humping the air. " You must really like that... "Hobi bit his lips watching me. He then looks at me " You know... I never really played with a women like this before... " He says. He then starts to suck on my clit. I couldn't help but moan very loudly. Sweat began to form on my forehead. He sucks then licks it like a dog. The sucking was very painful but it felt so good. He went hard then soft.

After a couple minutes of that he goes up to me again  He saw my sweaty face and heard my moaning pleasure. My stomached acted as if it was in a knot. "Did you wan't more? " He asks me. What a torture. He already know the answer. I nod and bite my lip. He then laughs and puts his hands on my back and un clips the clips of my bra. My breast were shown to him. While he was still rubbing my clit. He sucks one of my nipples biting them at random times. After a couple minutes of that he soon slips off his pants. I blush as he revealed his legs. He then quickly pulled his brown boxers off. He looks at me " I'm sorry....  I just couldn't wait any longer.... " He says throaty. I moan my clit was super wet. It couldn't wait either... I never thought I would be pleading... especially for this such matter.

" Here.... "  His cock slowly rubs on my clit. I react with a weak push up. It then goes an inch in. We both moaned a bit.The feeling was explainable. Hobi held my hands down because we both knew this was going to get rough. He probably needed something to hold on to. He slowly goes in and he groans. I put my head up and squeeze my eyes shut.. It hurts so much but..... He then thrust into me a little bit in and a little bit out. The feeling was strange but the experience was fantastic. Where is my innocent soul? Did it leave me? He thrust faster and our moans were getting louder. I feel something warm build up inside of me. He looks deep into my eyes and I look into his. Our mouths both open, and bodies shaking. I cum inside of him and I feel him do the same in me.i My breaths were going crazy and my desires ran throughout that bedroom. He was going super fast now. Our visions were both so blurry. This lasted for a long time. “ Ah-Ah Hobi! “ I shouted. He was going super fast. The bed shook and squeaked. “ I-I love you! “ He groaned to me. With every moan and groan the night eventrully slowed down.

We were both out of breath. Hobi got off of me laying on his back and looking up. His eyes were closed and his heavy breaths filled the air. I was sweating and looking up to. We were both starting to cool down a little. Hobi put his boxers on leaving me completely naked. I blush at him " Can I have clothes? " I ask with my crumbling voice. He laughs a bit " I want to admire you a little more... "   I blush and look to the side. The wind was still whispering but the rain calmed down. I sigh calming down a little. I then felt Hobi lay his sweaty head on my breast with his cover. He squeezes my breast a little and jiggles them " I love you so much.... "  " I love you t-too Hobi. " I stutter. 

-- 

So hopefully that wasn’t too bad haha.... I hope you liked it! 

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#NoHateJeon....

[ecchima]

Human is beautiful, perfect is boring

Note: This is not a new chapter, I just forgot to post chapters 4 and 5 on tumblr! We are still working on this fanfic tho, don’t worry! We just are really busy lately

Words: 3,8k Rating: T Co-author: @smuttybugggu AO3

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3

Not as Much Flavor as You    

After a fun drive from the modeling agency to McCree’s place, Jesse leads the way to his apartment with excitement written all over his face. It almost reminds Hanzo of an overly energetic, but cute, puppy.

The first thing Hanzo sees when he enters is a big couch, directly in front of a flat TV screen hanging on the wall. McCree puts his leather jacket on a coatrack and motions for Hanzo to do the same.

The apartment is in fact composed of two floors, Hanzo discovers. The first floor being the main living area. McCree doesn’t seem to have a table other than the american counter in front of the kitchen. The second floor is, in fact, a mezzanine giving access to four doors. The remaining sunlight comes in through a wall made out of glass in front of them. Hanzo can’t help but to admire how simplistic, but modern and practical the design looks. McCree pushes a button, flicking the lights on and giving the whole place a more cozy ambiance.

“Here’s my cave,” Jesse jokes, cracking a smile on his face.

 Hanzo smirks. “It is very nice.” He watches as Jesse takes his cowboy hat from the coatrack and puts it on his head.

"Well…Dinner’s not exactly ready yet so how about you watch me cook it for ya?”

Hanzo removes the jacket Jesse lent him and nods. “Very well.” His smile subtly twists into a sly expression as he cants his head and stares at the other man. “Since I told you more about myself during our last dinner, I would like to hear something about you in return.”

Jesse opens his fridge’s door and pulls out the pre-portioned and marinated foods, setting them on his countertop. “Fair enough, Mister Shimada.”

Hanzo merely watches McCree fumble around, gathering spices and pans to cook in, before he strolls after him and boldly takes the cowboy hat right off his head. “You should not block your vision while you cook.” Jesse immediately feels for his hat in surprise and sends Hanzo a confused glance. “Do not worry, I will take good care of it,” he adds with a wink and drops it on his own head. He likes how easy it is to make the other blush.

Hanzo then casually makes his way to one of the high stools facing the kitchen and takes a seat, gazing at McCree with a warm smile. His arms are crossed on the tabletop and his chin rests against them.

“Alright, alright,” McCree replies with a defeated hum and bows his head. “Just take good care of it, sugar.”Jesse returns a wink of his own. “So, what d’ya want to hear about?”

Hanzo hums, considering his options for a few seconds. “How did you become a soundcheck technician?”

Jesse programs his oven, sets the meat on his grill and checks his frying vegetables before turning to face Hanzo, leaning back on the counter.

“Actually, I don’t rightly remember how I got my guitar but I remember learnin’ how to play it. I used ta spend a lotta time in the streets as a kid ‘cause my Ma had to work as a waitress at a dirty ol’ bar everyday. She used ta let me ‘go out and play’,” Jesse says while he makes little air quotes with his hands “There was a television store down the street and the owner really liked music. I don’t think there was a day where we couldn’t see a guy playin’ on the screens. That’s how I learnt ta play, by watchin’.”

Jesse turns his back to Hanzo again, checking on the food, as he goes on. “When I got good enough ta play a few classics, I started playin’ on the streets.” Hanzo watches Jesse’s shoulder moving as he chuckles. “I used ta spend all my money in sweets an’ I ended up gettin’ cavities.”

“That must have been painful,” Hanzo says. “I remember when Genji managed to get cavities. He refused to eat anything solid for a week.”

They stay silent for a little while as Jesse seems to find the cooking of the meat much more interesting than the end of his story. Hanzo clears his throat and shifts his weight to one side.

“What happened then?” he prompts patiently, watching how diligently Jesse cooks. He can’t help but admire how much attention the other man keeps on the food. It’s...charming to Hanzo to see McCree multi-task with the grill and several other pans on the stovetop.

Jesse finally tears his gaze from the grill and smiles warmly at Hanzo, crossing his arms on his muscular chest.

“I told ya, I played on the streets. It’s…it’s An interestin’ experience. You meet a lotta people, ‘specially on the subway. One day I met a dude with an electric guitar, real nice fellah. We became friends and he taught me how to do maintenance for instruments. So when the guy started a band with a bunch a other dudes he found on the streets, he asked me to lend a hand here an’ there. After some time, I became known for it and now it’s my job.” Jesse stops talking, drawing his full attention on Hanzo, a warm smile slowly growing on his face. “Why are ya smillin’ so much, darlin’?”

Hanzo leans back on his stool and starts spinning back and forth. "I just admire your accent. It is rather cute."

He doesn’t miss the way McCree sputters at the admission and quickly bows his head to hide the surprise. But if the other man says anything, Hanzo can’t hear it under the hiss of meat sizzling on the grill. He lifts his nose in the air and takes in the pleasant smell of whatever Jesse is cooking. Carne asada is what he called it, but Hanzo wasn’t entirely sure about the ingredients or what it tasted like.

“So, is it almost ready?” he asks, leaning against his arms again, lips pursed into a small smile.

“Yep! I hope you worked up an appetite, darlin’!” It almost makes Hanzo melt with how warm and affectionate McCree’s voice is.

Hanzo’s eyes dart up and down a few times, taking in the sight of Jesse cooking so attentively. “You could say that,” he teases and nibbles against his bottom lip. He watches as Jesse turns the oven off and pulls out a thin pan, oblivious to Hanzo’s flirting.

“Biscochitos are done cookin’, just need to let them cool,” McCree mutters as he slides the pan onto the kitchen countertop and focuses his attention back on the grill. Hanzo watches as Jesse slices off a thin piece of steak and nibbles on it. “Yessir. Seasoned just right!” With that, the other man quickly gathers a set of plates, and starts scooping food out onto the dishes.

Hanzo perks up as McCree sets the food on the counter, the plates rather elegantly composed. He leans forward, smelling the dishes and trying to guess which spices McCree used.

“Lemon?” He asks, raising a curious brow at the cowboy.

“Jus’ try it an’ tell me what you think.” McCree sounds a bit anxious but smiles nonetheless.

Hanzo carefully cuts a bit of the meat and puts it in his mouth, savouring it. The taste of onions hits first, then the lime and lemon, contrasting with the taste of the meat pleasantly. When he starts munching, Hanzo finds he quite likes the texture too.

“It is delicious,” he says, watching as the anxiety drains from Mccree’s face, replaced by relief. “Where did you learn how to cook?”

McCree starts picking at the food on his own plate. “I’d like ta say that my Ma taught me but I just watched videos on the internet. What about you? You know how to cook?”

Hanzo finishes his mouthful of meat and dries off his mouth on his napkin, taking all his time to answer. “I know the basics but I rarely have the time to cook myself. Genji is a catastrophe in a kitchen so we mostly go out or buy ‘microwavable stuff’,” he says, smirking.

McCree snorts. “You’ll never let me forget I said that, will ya?”

“Nope,” Hanzo answers, popping the word. “May I get a drink?”

Quickly, McCree stands up and slaps a hand to his face. “Ack! Sorry, darlin’! How could I forget! Uh...Let’s see here!” He rushes to the wine rack, under the counter and scrambles for a few bottles of wine. “Any kind ya like in particular?”

Hanzo merely smirks at how panic-stricken Jesse looks. “Since I recommended the ramen you tried, I’ll allow you to pick a kind for me.”

McCree hesitates and rubs his chin. “How about some Malbec? It’s the most typical wine to go with Carne asada.”

“It sounds good.” He answers, leaning back on the stool as he watches McCree pour the wine in two glasses. When the cowboy offers him one of the glasses, Hanzo looks up at him.

“Thank you,” he says, gazing into the other’s warm brown irises when something else catches his attention. There’s a lump on McCree’s brow, right above his left eye. He takes a few short sips of the wine, but he’s too distracted to fully admire the taste. He waits until Jesse is seated and keeps staring at the other man “What happened to your eye?” he asks, frowning in concern.

McCree seems confused so Hanzo leans against the counter and pokes the lump, careful to avoid staining his outfit with the food. He watches as a blush appears across McCree’s cute freckled face.

“Oh, I just... Bumped my head on the counter… When ya texted me earlier, I dropped my phone.”

Hanzo hums, an idea coming to life in his mind. “Does it hurt?”

McCree chuckles. “A bit, but I reckon I’ll survive this.”

 Hanzo smirks. “If it hurts, then let me cast a spell on it.” He says, using one arm on the counter for support, and he leans closer. His other hand comes behind McCree’s head and pulls him gently until Hanzo can kiss the lump. He can feel the other man take a stuttered breath as a pair of warm hands land on either side of Hanzo’s face. Before he can chicken out, Hanzo presses a line of kisses on McCree’s face--one on the eye, two on the cheek and one right above his mouth. He takes all his time to lay one final kiss on McCree’s lips, looking at the other in the eyes when he pulls out.

“You taste like meat…” came McCree’s hushed answer.

Hanzo snorts and sits back on the stool. “And you taste like cheap cigars.”

“Cheap?” McCree asks quietly with a mock pout. “But they have such flavor, darlin’.” He flashes a cheeky grin as he leans closer and kisses Hanzo’s cheek in return. “Not as much flavor as you though.”

Hanzo nearly drops his fork at the sweet gesture and quickly hides a snort behind his hand. He’s so glad he found McCree at the bar a few weeks ago, he thinks as he feels his heart flutter and a fond smile soothes his features. When he leans back in his chair, however, Hanzo notices that McCree’s plate doesn’t contain any meat. He raises a single brow in question and looks back at his lover.

“You did not make any for yourself?” he asks, gesturing to Jesse’s plate. He notices there is some kind of salad instead of the carne asada.

“I--uh…” McCree starts; he seems a bit uncomfortable. “I’m mostly vegetarian.”

Hanzo feels ice replace the warm feeling in his guts. “...But you ate the ham in the ramen. Did you do it only so I would not think badly of you?”

McCree starts gesturing wildly, he almost knocks the wine bottle away as he blurts out. “No, no sweetheart! I said 'mostly'! I do eat meat!” He pauses. “Sometimes..."

Hanzo feels some of the dread fade away with relief, but the frown doesn’t leave his face. “If you had told me, I would have asked you to cook something we can both enjoy equally.”

McCree looks back at his plate sheepishly. “I made enough of the vegetables for two,” he offers with a smile. “Besides, I know I’m better at cooking meat.”

“If you’re sure,” he replies, his frown slowly turning into a pout instead. He decides not to push McCree anymore about the subject and takes another bite from his food.

They continue to eat, chatting and gossiping about people at their work. Hanzo complains about McMilan for a while but stops when he notices McCree turned silent.

“What is the matter?” He asks, worried. “Does your head hurt?”

“Nah, I was just wonderin’ if you’d like ta watch a movie with me while we eat dessert.” Jesse smiles softly, almost sadly.

Hanzo reaches out and gently brushes McCree’s hair from his face, admiring his brown eyes. “What did you have in mind?” He lays his hand on Jesse’s cheek, his thumb gently brushing the other’s scruffy beard.

McCree leans into the touch and hums. “How about we watch Junkenstien’s Revenge?”

Hanzo makes a teasing chuckle. “Ah, a horror movie? You want an excuse to keep me close to you, do you not?” he asks with a wink.

The other man grins in return and scratches the back of his neck. “Maybe.”

Hanzo’s heart flutters at the sight. Damn that man is gorgeous , he thinks, eating the last bit of food from his plate and putting the fork down. “Alright then,” he says with a smile, standing up.

“Perfect! You can go on the sofa, I’ll get the cookies!” McCree answers excitedly.

“May I charge my phone while we watch the movie? I would not like missing a call from Genji if he needs something.”

“Sure thing, darlin’. There’s an outlet near the couch.”

Hanzo makes his way from the dinner table to the sofa while McCree fumbles around in the kitchen. He gently plops down against the comfy leather cushions and relaxes against the couch. It feels nice and plush against his back; more comfortable than any typical bed. He doesn’t have to wait long before the other man sits next to him with a bowl and a blanket in his hands, a huge smile splitting his gorgeous face.

“So,” Jesse begins as he leans closer to Hanzo and picks up his television’s remote, “You’re familiar with Junkenstein then? This one’s a sequel to a previous movie,” he explains and waits for the screen to flicker on.

Hanzo nods. “I am, but I have not had the chance to watch it. Free time is very hard to come by with my work. My brother, Genji, is a big fan of them both,” he says, picking up the case where he keeps his glasses and putting them on. When he looks back at him, Jesse is staring.

“Is there a problem?”

“Nothin’! I was just thinking you look handsome and smart with glasses on. Not that you’re not smart, ‘cause I think you are but y’know, the glasses makes you look more intellectual?”

Hanzo chuckles at the comment and quickly reaches for one of the treats in the bowl. “I see. Well, I’m sure you would look nice with glasses as well.”

McCree snorts. “Yeah, I’d look like a nerd. Do you like the biscochitos?”

Hanzo feels so tempted to reply back with how McCree would be a handsome ‘nerd’, but decides against it. “Yes. I always loved sweets but it is the first time I’ve tried something from another country than my own. Genji made me try some American treats before but they all tasted awful,” he emphasizes with a disgusted shiver.

A sudden mad cackle coming from the t.v. interrupts them as a bold ‘Junkenstein’s Revenge’ title card flashes on the screen. McCree makes himself comfortable on the sofa and beckons Hanzo over. The later settles himself, leaning on Jesse and deciding that this is even better than the cushions. The blanket is then splayed out on their legs and the bowl falls into Hanzo’s lap. McCree’s hands find the edge of his sweater and slides beneath it, making Hanzo squirm.

“Sorry, darlin’, my hands are cold,” a low voice drawls near his temple.

Hanzo opens his mouth to reply, but no words form as the plot of the movie draws him in. It takes place after the defeat of Doctor Junkenstein’s monster from the previous movie. The town Aldersbrunn called on four heroes--an old, hardened Soldier, a mysterious Alchemist, a loner Archer, and a kind-hearted Gunslinger--to defend the villagers from an onslaught of ‘zomnics’. Hanzo mentally scoffs at the wonky looking zombie omnic design.

Along with the danger of the zomnics, there was the threat of a cloaked beast called The Reaper. Black mist followed him with every step and movement and he had a terrifying pumpkin in lieu of a head. Hanzo suspects from the start that he had some kind of history with the Soldier, due to passing comments.

After nearly half an hour into the movie, Junkenstein’s monster rears its head once more and attacks with the Reaper. The four warriors fend off the pair after an exciting battle with guns and bow and science and gunshots. And then, Junkenstein appears alongside a large wave of more of his robotic horde.

The group took up defensive positions directly in front of Aldersbrunn’s castle doors for the final confrontation: the Soldier guarding the central bridge with the Alchemist by his side and throwing healing potions to the three when they were injured, the Gunslinger standing on the upper staircase picking off amazing headshots left and right, and finally the Archer perched up on a small platform high above the courtyard, calling out directions and scouting for tactical advantages as his arrows rained down.

Hanzo munches on his cookie anxiously as he watches the soldier manage to land the final bullet into Junkenstein’s heart and the heroes all sigh in relief. But then--Hanzo feels his breath lump in his throat in disbelief--a shrill laugh disturbs the peace. A winged form descends from the air, chanting in foreign tongue. The Witch who brought Junkenstein’s creation to life, and formed a pact with the Reaper’s soul, has arrived.

All the villains are revived and a final stand begins. It’s a shocking moment, so much that Hanzo sits up in alert and clenches a handful of the blanket covering him and McCree.

The heroes are overwhelmed by the zomnics coming to destroy the door, the Alchemist has to stop attacking to focus on her healing but there’s just too many enemies...Until the Gunslinger manages to kill fifteen zomnics with his six shooter--despite being critical of details, Hanzo overlooks the error to enjoy the movie--which allows the Soldier and the Archer to focus on the enemies. The Witch went down first, soon followed by the Reaper and the Monster. The fight ends when the Archer puts an arrow right between Junkenstein’s eyes and Hanzo relaxes back against McCree. He remains speechless as the movie ends on a bittersweet note: the villains are defeated, but the Soldier muses at the loss of his old comrade. The Alchemist bids her allies goodbye and departs to travel the country alone. The Gunslinger and the Archer enjoy one another’s company, helping to repair the damage caused by the fight.

When the staff roll appears on the screen, McCree not-so-subtly yawns, stretches, and hooks an arm around Hanzo, pulling him closer. “That was a good choice, huh?”

It makes Hanzo smirk as he plays along and rests his head against the other man’s shoulder. “I can see why my brother is such a fan of the series.”

“So, which one was your favorite, darlin’?” Jesse asks and nuzzles his cheek against Hanzo’s head.

He taps his chin in consideration and his eyes narrow thoughtfully. “I believe I enjoyed the Gunslinger’s character the most. The way he spoke reminded me of someone”--Hanzo reaches out and teasingly squeezes McCree’s thigh--“and it was charming. But I did notice some...tension between him and the Archer. Good tension,” he clarifies with a smile.

“He is a fancy shooter. I’ll give ‘im that!” McCree chuckles. “Always found myself fond of the Alchemist. She’s a nice old lady, kind of gives ya a ‘grandma vibe’.”

“I do not like her much…I do not trust her alchemy,” Hanzo answers just as his phone starts ringing. He stretches a hand to grab the device laying on the table. The screen shows notifications for about ten messages. One from McCree, eight from Genji and one from Jack. He rolls his eyes as he momentarily ignores his brother’s texts and opens Jack’s instead.

It’s a lengthy text, but Hanzo isn’t surprised; Jack never sends multiple messages. It starts off with the usual ‘Hello’ before he gets to the point. Hanzo learns that a few weeks after his upcoming photo-shoot with James McMilan--he barely contains the urge to roll his eyes thinking about the pompous fool--he’ll be having a session with a very prominent omnic model that’s been rising in popularity for a few months. He’ll be visiting the country all month before the photo-shoot happens though and stopping by the agency in mere days.

Hanzo simply tilts his head to one side, glances back at McCree, before he smiles and sends a response to his manager: Apologies for the abrupt request, but I will need to take tomorrow off. I am not feeling well.

Within a minute, Hanzo gets a reply: Very well. Feel better, don’t worry about coming in this weekend. Rest up.

“What’s that smile about?” Jesse asks, scruffing his beard playfully against Hanzo’s temple.

“I asked my manager for a day off tomorrow so I can stay here tonight.”

“Funny, I just sent mine a text too. Poor Jesse McCree has a cold and he can’t even breathe,” he explains, waving his phone back and forth in glee. “Aren’t we both terrible?” McCree added with a wink and beckons him to the couch.

Hanzo purses his lips as he approaches and sinks back down beside McCree. “I suppose I do not know enough about bands or how they work. A soundcheck technician has a manager?”

McCree shifts uncomfortably behind him. “Well, I said manager ‘cause it’s kinda the same job. At least I think it is? I mean, that guy tells me when and where I’m needed so…”

“Ah. I see,” Hanzo replies quietly, fatigue from such an exciting day finally catching up to him. He closes his eyes in an attempt to rest them. He’s barely awake when he hears the telltale sound of someone taking a picture with their phone.

Hanzo gets one last whiff of McCree’s pleasant cologne, enjoys how comfortable the other man is, before he slips away into sleep; never moving from his spot on the couch for the entire night.