#I’ll start to get excited about things again
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blushingbubbles · 1 day ago
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last-orgasm storytime -- sorry it took me a bit to write but it is...long
Sooo last night (1/31) was the last orgasm i’ll have for likely all of 2025, and i’m still fuzzy from it.
Still. It’s *checks clock* 6pm as im writing this. Still fuzzy. It happened like 18 hours ago.
The last free orgasm I had was on January 10th, and I didn’t even like it. It was rushed and short and unearned.
On February 1st, I entered long-term denial, and I wanted to cum one last time before it started.
In fact, I wanted to cum so badly that in exchange, I added 180 days to my denial. But because I added those 180 days, I started to fear that the orgasm wasn’t going to be worth it.
The last free orgasm i had sucked. I panicked that this next one would suck too, that I’d traded 180 days of denial just to regret it.
and hahahaha
i would trade 1800 days of denial for what i got on 1/31.
wc: 2600 (lol) | *exempt from forbidden words rules, and if u try to punish me for this post that i worked very hard on i will block you*
⊹₊⟡⋆ leading up ⊹₊⟡⋆
Sir & I talked on the phone for two days prior to the 31st. The first night we just talked, which got me used to his voice in my ear. The second night we talked a bit and played a bit, which made me more comfortable with his instructions & flow in a scene, which was wonderful. I would’ve had a difficult time relaxing with him if it’d been our first time speaking. But it wasn’t. It was our third, so I felt really safe & comfortable going into our call. 
The morning of the 31st I told him about my dream that centered around worshipping his cock. I told him how needy it’d made me. Sent him a picture of how wet I was. He praised me for it...and then told me I wasn’t allowed to touch until he called that night. At all.
Rude. (i kid)
To make matters worse, he sent some incredible nudes with an instruction to look at them once an hour every hour. This left my imaginative mind with some wild running fantasies. Excerpts from our messages started with “god im like whining” /  “you look so soft” end devolved to “it’d be so fuckimg easy for you to breed me” / “wanna be so full of ur cock i struggle breathing Sir” 
Believe it or not, I actually had no problem with not touching – it was like a given. He told me to not touch so even though I was feverishly horny, touching was out of the question.
The thing I had a problem with was the anxiety. It kept trying to convince me that he was going to forget or get distracted or cancel (he touched base about once every other hour to humor my feral messages, which curbed that anxiety well).
When I was making dinner though, the fact i was going to cum for the last time in 2025 that night started to get to me.
The anticipation became too much to sweep under the rug and I decided to tell him. The convo looked like this:
hi | my heart's beating really really fast In a good way I hope! i think im just excited but it does feel like anxiety It's a lot of anticipation. i dont knowwwwni dont know | It's a lot of anticipation Don't worry bubbles, I'm going take good care of you. | I'm adaptable | We'll get you what you need | You needn't worry about it, I'll be there with you and for you
 (i totally cried happy tears)
⊹₊⟡⋆ the beginning ⊹₊⟡⋆
im all fuzzy again lol. Sir called. We chatted about our days and how I was feeling. He asked what I’d laid out (a vibrating egg, a dildo, a clit suction toy). I made a joke about having a hairbrush on my bed, but it was strictly for brushing my hair before he called. He laughed and agreed there was no need for the hairbrush because we’re not in high school anymore.
First, he asked me to spread my legs to the corners of the mattress. Because of my anxiety, he knew without me asking to go really really slowly, and I'm grateful for it. He took time warming me up and talking to me in the first minutes.
He told me to repeat lines back to him -- repeating lines makes me very pliable, and that night was no exception. I might've repeated I like to show off for Sir 20 times. Afterward, Sir wanted me to spread my pussy for him too, so I did.
But then he said, "little more," which made me think he had cameras in my room. I told him this and he reassured me that he didn't. Instead, he's just inside my head. <3
The night is very hazy. I wrote this with a lot of assistance from him, but this is one thing I remember clearly: everything Sir said was a specific instruction.
He didn’t say “I want you to tease yourself” and then wait for me to explain how I teased myself. He said “take your left hand and drag it up the inside of your left thigh. Slower. I’ll give you the rhythm.”
There’s a time and subject for the “I want you to tease yourself.”
I am not the subject. So it's never the time. I’m always afraid I’m doing something wrong, so I ask clarifying questions – “like ___? Or should I _____?”
But each of Sir's instructions were to-the-letter. Because of that, I never had to worry about doing something right or wrong. There was no ambiguity, there was just the instruction.
I'd already surrendered to his dominance, but that wasn't enough. He wanted to turn my brain off entirely.
At first, he didn’t incorporate the toys. It was nails on thighs and fingers spreading wetness around.
In his words, he was playing with his food.
Eventually, eventually, I was allowed to focus on my clit. Even longer after that, I was permitted to insert my fingers. By this point, with the lengths to which he was dragging it out, I started to whine (which was exactly where he wanted me).
After that, the vibrating egg came into play.
⊹₊⟡⋆ the middle ⊹₊⟡⋆
I’d told him the day prior what countdowns do to me and why, and he incorporated them at every milestone of the night.
With the toy still off, Sir told me to run it up and down my slit. Then I had to hold it at my entrance, adding pressure without allowing it inside. He counted me down and allowed me to insert the toy, then counted me down again to turn it on.
I don’t know how it happened. I sincerely – I don’t know. After a while he gave me a break, and I checked my phone to make sure its battery was still alright and found that an hour and a half had passed. He thought my surprise was cute.
In his words: “I'm glad you're having such a good time, but this night is FAR from over."
Sir told me to get my clit suction toy out and lay it on the bed in front of me, as if to tease me. Keeping the toy turned off, he told me to press it where I usually liked it the most. Then he told me to lift it off. Then place it back on.
Once I had a grasp on exactly how to move, he told me once the toy was turned on, he would give me a number, and I'd have to hold the toy on my clit for that many seconds--but he had me do the counting.
We started on low -- the toy has like 8 settings, so the first setting is usually never enough for me to even really feel? But after all the teasing and build up, I thought for a while I might've been able to hit an edge with it.
He made me hold it on for 3 seconds. 7. 15. Between every number, the toy hovered over my clit so I could hear it and feel a whisper of it, but it wasn't enough to give me any sensation or pleasure.
According to him: I demonstrated incredible self control. Despite how good the toy felt, I always put it down when he told me to, and only when he told me to.
He had me turn it up 2 notches, and I'm pretty sure this is where the last of my comprehensive thought left me.
I literally -- it's so hazy after this, I have no idea. I know he toyed with me just like that -- making me count up to 5, 12, then 7, then 3. He continually reminded me that I wasn't allowed to cum. He also reassured me I absolutely wouldn't be punished for pulling the toy off before reaching the requested number.
The most important rule was to wait for him to give me the orgasm--everything else came second.
There was a stretch of time that I was hitting an edge by 1 -- like the moment the vibrator got too close I was chanting I can't, I can't, I can't.
It felt like an eternity of me going absolutely stupid while teetering on the edge of orgasm.
He gave me a water break after the "I can't," chanting, and this was approximately our conversation:
"You can't?" no Sir, I can't "Why can't you?" bc i don't have permission "And you need permission, don't you?" yes Sir i do i need it "You need it because you don't have a choice, isn't that right?" yes Sir that's right, I don't have a choice "Say that again." i don't have a choice, Sir
That last line was repeated 10+ times
It was incredible. He had me edge myself for him. over. and over. and over.
and over.
and over again.
In his words: It was about 38 edges in just as many minutes.
I remember going nonverbal. I remember him telling me to be clear with the numbers, and I recall that being the hardest part -- because my lips and tongue no longer wanted to work. 
Babygirl, you're mumbling again! I need you to speak very clearly into your mic.Yes Sir, i understand
I started to get fuzzy. If you remember the old-school televisions -- whenever you would turn them off, that collection of static hovered across the screen. You could collect the static in your hands?
I felt like I'd swallowed it. That static blanketed my mind. My tongue was numb. My mind was buzzing. I was incoherent. I've never felt anything like it.
⊹₊⟡⋆ the end ⊹₊⟡⋆
From beginning of the call to the orgasm was over 2 hours. 2 hours he teased me. Denied me. Played with me until I was on the edge and made me wait there. I felt what was left of my brain disintegrate. turn to mush. slip out between my thighs.
(thank you Sir for helping me to recall this part)
Babygirl, you've been perfectly obedient for me tonight. (a long drawn-out whine) I'm very proud of you, of your self control. Are you sufficiently fucked out? Is your head all fuzzy now sweet girl? Can you even understand what i'm saying or are you too much of a brainless whore? (generally affirmative and giggly slut noises) I think you've earned your orgasm. *voice cracking* really? You have my permission to cum. We are going to change the rules of play now. Do you understand?  Yes Sir, I understand, thank you.
There was more in there, but I can't remember when -- he asked me if I still wanted it, and i didn't know the answer anymore. I wanted to say yes -- i wanted it so badly, but I was so fuzzy all i could think was only if you want me to.
Like I was no longer in a space that needed the orgasm - i only needed to make him happy.
it was the same game. hold the vibrator on the clit for the number of seconds he wanted. But the rules had changed. This time he would do the counting ( i loved the counting )
and this time, I was allowed to cum.
however -- the count didn't end when I orgasmed. the count ended when the count ended, and I had to keep the vibrator on until then.
he started with 3 seconds. Before this, I'd been hitting the edge in 3 seconds. But knowing I had permission to cum it felt different -- stronger of an edge almost?
The count ended.
Sir stressed again that I was allowed to cum. Then he counted down from 5 seconds? Or maybe it was 10?
The edge was right there, but the orgasm still felt so far away. The release was being stubborn. Maybe my body didn't feel like it was real?
He said again
Babygirl, you're allowed to cum. Sincerely.
Then he counted down from 20, dragging each number out to his liking.
Maybe I was scared of cumming too soon and overstimulating myself? I'm not sure. But my orgasm held and held and held. It did not want to release.
It sat like a boulder on a cliff, just one breath from falling off and giving me what he ordered. But it didn't budge, and there wasn't anything I could do. I was getting upset with myself by the time he hit 12.
When he hit 10, I discovered the issue.
It wasn't enough for him to give me permission to cum beforehand. I needed it while I was on the edge. The realization hit me so hard I would've fallen over had I been standing. With the time counting down, the pleading spilled from me. I don't even remember what came out of my mouth. He told me it was very very pretty though.
He had reached 6.
Please Sir i need your permission, I need you to give me permission again. I need it I need it.
Cum for me babygirl.
Relief was simultaneously like lightning and a flood through me, and it shoved the stubborn boulder right off the cliff.
There were 2 waves to the orgasm. The first wave was on the "5," the second was when he said "2."
After the second one I kind of blacked out a bit.
But I sincerely don't.....recall...all I know was it was (bar none) the most powerful and most perfect orgasm I've ever had <3
⊹₊⟡⋆ after/care ⊹₊⟡⋆
I cried. i had a feeling i would -- the anticipation + my anxiety + the orgasm was a huge release. my tears slipped into my headphones and they started to fizzle and crack out on me. He told me to stay in bed, but I wanted to find my other pair.
He was right to tell me to stay lying down -- I got dizzy when I stood up.  
He praised me for how good of a job I did which made me want to cry even more. I thanked him like a million times. He thanked me a million times, and he told me to drink my juice.
We talked about all 2 hours of the call. From the teasing to the egg to the counting to the vibrator to the permission to the begging. He filled in some hazy spots I'd already forgotten in my edged-out state.
I stressed that I wouldn't have changed a single thing about it. I had a lollipop, and i fell asleep talking to him on the phone. IT WAS PERFECT AND IM SO GLAD I TRADED 180 DAYS OF DENIAL FOR IT I'D DO IT AGAIN IN A HEARTBEAT.
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lovelyjj · 2 days ago
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I have a Rudy request. It’s fluffy, not smutty. The reader is a famous singer and she’s dating Rudy. She has a YouTube channel. One day, she makes a YouTube video of her reading thirst tweets people made about her and Rudy is in the video with her and he’s laughing the whole time.
Thirst Tweets
Rudy Pankow x Reader
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The story of how you and Rudy met was cute really. You were both on a plane. You were traveling because you were on tour as a singer. Rudy was traveling for work as he was an actor on the show Outer Banks. You just so happen to sit next to each other on the plane.
Rudy listened to your music so he knew who you were. He always thought you were gorgeous but he figured you were out of his league. You had the window seat and then Rudy sat next to you. Rudy decided he wanted to get to know you so even though he was a little nervous, he went for it.
“Hey, you’re Y/N Y/L/N, right? The famous singer?” Rudy started.
“Oh hi, yeah I am, nice to meet you,” you turned towards him
“I’m Rudy, Rudy Pankow.”
“Hi why are you going to Charleston?” you tried to make good conversation.
“Oh I’m shooting my TV show there. I’m an actor,” Rudy scratched the back of his neck.
“Wow what TV show is it may I ask?”
“It’s called Outer Banks.”
“I’ll have to watch it then,” you winked.
The rest of the conversation flowed naturally. You both had a great flight talking to and getting to know each other. When the flight was over you exchanged numbers and started texting about when you can see each other again. Both your schedules were busy but you made time for one another.
Eventually Rudy asked you out and you’ve been dating ever since. Rudy went to a couple of your shows and you went on the set of outer banks to see them filming in action. You’ve never felt this way with anyone before the way you feel with Rudy. It was like you were destined to be together.
You and Rudy were always doing fun things. You were both nervous to tell the world you were dating, well because, you were both famous. But your fans took it really well. The internet loved you when you finally made it public. It was a big step.
“Ya know I think it’s finally time I introduce you to my youtube channel,” you told Rudy in the living room of your shared apartment.
“You think so?” Rudy responded.
“Yeah my manager sent me an idea. She suggested I read thirst tweets.”
“Thirst tweets? I’d be down to be in it, sounds fun,” Rudy commented.
“Ok let’s do it.”
Your manager sent you a list of thirst tweets so all you had to do was read them. You set up your camera in the living room and Rudy got comfortable. “I’m excited,” you announced.
“This is gonna be fun,” Rudy exclaimed.
You made sure you and Rudy were in frame and hit record. You sat down next to Rudy and pulled out your phone. “Hi guys I’m Y/N and this is my boyfriend Rudy Pankow.” Rudy waved and said hello.
“Today I’m gonna be reading your thirst tweets.”
“Okay first one. Y/N Y/L/N is so fine she can run me over with a truck.” You laughed.
Rudy glanced at the tweet over your shoulder and snickered.
“Thank you I think,” you giggled.
“I mean they are right,” Rudy commented.
“Next this one says I want to get railed by Y/N.”
Rudy laughed loudly. “I don’t know how that would work but okay,” you shrugged.
“This one has a picture of me and it says “raw, next question.”
Rudy busted out laughing. “That one is my favorite so far,” Rudy admitted.
“Okay okay here’s another one, Can we talk about how gorgeous Y/N Y/L/N is? She is fucking beautiful.”
“I agree,” Rudy commented.
“Want Y/N Y/L/N to spit in my mouth!” you read the tweet.
“Oh god,” Rudy laughed.
“Alright let’s keep going. Y/N Y/L/N is mother,” you read another.
“Mother?” Rudy questioned with a laugh.
“I’m flattered,” you smiled.
“Y/N Y/L/N makes me go feral,” you kept reading tweets.
“Feral? like a wild animal?” Rudy chuckled.
“I guess.”
“Y/N Y/L/N was my biggest sexual awakening,” you looked at your phone.
“Again I’m flattered.”
“I’m a SLUT for Y/N,” you read another tweet.
“I want Y/N Y/L/N to [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] me so hard that I [redacted] [redacted] [redacted].”
“Wait let me see,” Rudy looked at your phone.
“That’s so funny,” Rudy laughed.
“I would rail the shit out of Y/N.”
“Me too oh wait I already do,” Rudy whispered.
“Rudy!”
“Ok ok next one says “Y/N Y/L/N can punch me in the face and i’d say thank you.”
“Oh my,” Rudy giggled.
“making out with Y/N would fix me,” you read.
“Let me tell you it’s amazing,” Rudy spoke.
“Thanks,” you laughed.
“On my knees for Y/N!”
“Interesting,” you raise your eyebrows.
“Well that was fun, thank you everyone for your support I’ll see you in the next one.”
“Bye guys!” Rudy waved goodbye.
You got up and turned off the camera. “You know I’m so lucky to have you,” Rudy told you.
“Aww,” you cooed and gave Rudy a kiss on his lips.
Rudy was your person. The two of you were perfect together. You knew you were gonna be together for a long time. You both supported each other in everything you do. Rudy was your soulmate and you were his.
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winteringdream · 2 days ago
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coffee date? — park sungho
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"Oh my god, I'm so sorry!" The boy that had just spilled coffee all over your pants exclaims, his hands already reaching into his pocket, searching for tissues. You hadn't even had a good look at him, he just suddenly appeared out of nowhere, spilling the contents of his cup onto your jeans.
He's quite tall, you notice when he finally stands up straight, his eyes meeting yours. A slight twinkle in his eyes when he notices how pretty you are.
"It's fine," You tell him, though you were kind of bummed out that your date with yourself had turned out this way. You hadn't even done anything yet, and now you would have to take a trip back home to change pants before heading back out again. Maybe it was a sign to not go out by yourself anymore.
"No, no, no." The boy replies a little embarassed, "I refuse to let you go like this, I mean. Let me buy you a new pair of jeans."
Was he rich? Why would he propose to buy a new pair of pants for a stranger he accidentally spilled coffee on?
Sungho didn't know why he said that, he was mesmerised, desperate to spend just a little more time with you.
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When the two of you reach the entrance of the mall, you’re both laughing, the tension from earlier long gone. Sungho had offered his jacket to you, to hide the stain on your pants. You find out he more charming than you thought.
Inside, the store isn’t too far, and you spend a few minutes picking out a new pair of jeans, joking back and forth about what looks good and what doesn’t.
Sungho stands beside you, patiently waiting for you to find a perfect pair of jeans. You find yourself actually enjoying the company, which you hadn’t expected at all.
Finally, you pick out a pair of dark wash jeans after trying on numerous jeans. To your surprise, Sungho didn't look irritated in the slightest way, even though you had taken a little while to pick a pair you liked.
The two of you head to the checkout, and Sungho insists on paying, his earlier embarrassment now completely replaced with a determined, almost playful energy.
After the cashier hands you the bag with your new jeans, Sungho hesitates for a moment before speaking, his voice a little quieter now.
“So, I know this is going to sound super forward,” He starts, rubbing the back of his neck. “But I was wondering if maybe after all this, you’d be interested in letting me take you out for dinner sometime? You know, to make up for spilling coffee on you and to actually get to know you better?”
You tilt your head, considering his offer. You’d had a nice time today despite the somewhat unfortunate circumstances. Sungho was easy to talk to, and his humor managed to lighten up the situation.
Plus, he seemed so sincere about wanting to make things right. It was impossible to ignore the way he looked at you with that slight twinkle in his eyes.
“I don’t know,” you say playfully, raising an eyebrow. “You did spill coffee on me. I’m not sure I can forgive you that easily.”
He bites his lip, trying to look serious, but the look on his face gives him away.
“I’ll make it up to you. I promise I’m not always this clumsy. Dinner, anywhere you want to go, and no more coffee disasters, I promise.”
You laugh, shaking your head, but something inside you feels unexpectedly warm. Maybe it’s the way he’s looking at you now, like he really wants to make a good impression. Or maybe it’s just that you haven’t felt this kind of lighthearted energy in a while.
“Alright, Sungho,” you say, softening, your smile widening. “You’ve got yourself a date. But if you spill anything on me again, I'm not sure that I can forgive you again.”
He grins, his face lighting up with relief. “Deal! I’ll be on my best behavior. You won’t regret it.”
As you both step out of the store, he walks alongside you, a little more confidently now. It's like you've known him for longer than a few hours, but there was still more to get to know, and you were excited to get to know him more.
“I’m really looking forward to that date,” Sungho mumbles to himself, secretly hoping you'd hear him.
You smile, feeling a twinge of excitement. “Me too, Sungho.”
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pedrospookie · 1 month ago
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Guess who is taking herself on a date to see Baby Girl this evening 😇
I decided it’s time to stop wallowing and to start taking action towards being the person i want to be— which includes being more well-rounded. Thrillers aren’t my go to because I am a big scaredy cat, BUT it’s apparently super hot and there’s George Michael on the soundtrack soooooo 💅
My theatre also has VIP service, so I will be sipping on a glass of wine while I enjoy this film.
Trying not to be miserable all the time, ya know?
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raiiny-bay · 5 months ago
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some WIPs from the 80s AU i never finished
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chrollogy · 13 days ago
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#PHEWWWW HI GANG#im writing this via tumblr web so bear with me but i hope everyone’s 2025 has started off well so far !!!!!! a lot has happened on my end#(the good and the bad but we are thugging it out!)#i’ve received very wholesome messages from my lovely moots which i’ve taken a sneak peek of and will be replying to when i get the time !!#anywho! i don’t know when i’ll be back on here bc my creative juices have been DRAINED so yeah :C i didn’t wanna leave completely so i#archived my acc for a bit while i sort things out :3 — my reason for doing so is mixed really. more on losing motivation and just basically#stuff to worry about irl BUUUUT i missed you all so much and me being here and making a post means its kinda getting better on my end so ya#prob not relevant but i’ll enable my asks again if anyone wants to leave anything so that i can come back to it again when i log on sjdnksj#also also i’ve been watching ‘the apothecary diaries’ s2 and its so amazing !! i also started ‘a sign of affection’ and let me tell you how#much i was kicking and rolling around my bed KSNDKSJ#gaming-wise i recently pulled for c0 arlecchino but lost her weapon to clorinde’s weapon 😭🙏🏼 but shes amazing and i love her gameplay sm!#AND AND OMG LADS.??. WELCOME BACK CALEBBBBBB OMGGG i havent done the main story yet but i’m excited !! i know ppl have mixed feelings over#him and his actions but hes so up my alley so ik im gonna be eating it up hehe. i did manage to pull for his standard 5 star which is#exciting too !!! anyway i want to try and get back into writing again because my mind has been brewing yet another heavy chrollo angst 😽#(i love putting my husband through grief)#or maybe i’ll start w finishing off a couple of loose ends from the fics i never finished 😭 (i’m so sorry)#welp that’s all from me !! i love u all <3
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ghostlycod · 1 month ago
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“I have this scene in my head for my fic that I really love but i don’t feel like writing all of the other stuff to get to it.”
I see this comment like 5 times a day in fic writing spaces lol
a scene that you don’t want to write is a scene you don’t want to read. don’t write stuff you don’t want to read.
me, personally: wait until the scenes that get you to that first initial scene you were excited about are just as interesting as that scene too. it won’t be the first, second, or third thing you think of. if u have a scene you really want to write, write that, and keep writing only those exciting scenes that come to you. eventually you have a million interesting scenes for your fic and they become puzzle pieces for you to arrange and then eventually the strings come together and you realize you really do have an interesting way to get to that original scene, and you’re just as excited to write it, if you haven’t already written it when you were brainstorming other scenes earlier in the writing process that you didn’t even realize could carry your story like that.
#My process is 1) write the initial scene — the first one I thought of that inspired the fic#2) daydream (preferably to a custom playlist) and write ONLY THE DIALOGUE that I like from my daydreams#3) discover common threads while daydreaming and thus discover a theme#4) now that I have my theme; my favorite dialogue lines; and my inspiration scene I begin drafting#Drafting includes writing around the dialogue and filling in the gaps with action#I find that dialogue drives my plot usually but I’m trying to get better at throwing chaotic events at my characters#and forcing them to respond to circumstances beyond their control/beyond the consequences of their choices#Drafting is also the point where I start writing only the exciting stuff and stringing it all together like a lunatic#5) once you have enough scenes to string together and you’ve put the puzzle together: reread and revise#6) put it down and don’t touch it dont think about it don’t do anything to it for like at least 3 days to 1 week#7) reread with fresh eyes and revise again#8) repeat steps 6 and 7 until you have desired fic#Sometimes if I really don’t like the way a story is working though I’ll play around with scenes#like “what if I remove this scene? How does that affect things? Is this a loadbearing scene in the story or is it superfluous?”#“What if I delete chapters 5-15 and just totally rewrite everything in that space”#that one is a rough one to go through and is the reason why I have some fics that have never seen the light of day 😂#this is all coming from pre-2021 ghostlycod#back when I was in the marvel fandom and writing 100k self insert OC fanfics#14-18 year old me wrote like an Ancient Greek poet#pure genius masterpieces with masterclass articulation#and idk what happened but it’s like at 25 I’ve suddenly gone brain dead#I envy 14 year old me so much when I’m writing now#That girl was just humming along to Lorde on repeat creating multiple full length novels at the same time all written with English Premium
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mycological-mariner · 2 years ago
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Living my best Stephen Maturin life (lying half naked on a warm rock for hours staring at lizards)
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magpigment · 1 year ago
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GRAHHHH IDBIDBWJD EJDBFIIEHFIEBEJ UGHHHHHHH
ok i’m normal now. got too silly X3
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weraceasone · 1 year ago
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actually hate being in the arrivals hall at work because please don’t yell at me if your luggage gets lost i’m literally just a 23-year-old teenage girl . BUT what i absolutely love is when passengers come to the desk to retrieve their dogs/cats that were in the hold and i walk with them to the glass door which their pets are behind and open the door for them and they’re always so happy like it brings me sooo much joy cause it’s just the cutest thing and i’m so happy i get to be the one who reunites them
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ko-eko-ev-go-ms · 5 days ago
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The hormone cycle my ENEMY when I catch you!!!!
#thoughts#oni talks#oni vents#been struggling again and I only just remembered the FUN little fact that adhd meds will either work less or just not work depending on like#where you are at in the hormone cycle I think more accurately it’s the menstrual cycle but idc you get what I mean#& my body already doesn’t do the cycles normally & I ALSO MISPLACED MY MEDS FOR THAT AGAIN#PROBABLY BC MY ADHD MEDS ARENT WORKING GOOD BC OF THE HORMONES!!#I only just realized this bc I just took mine late in the day about an hour or maybe a few ago and was like huh#I’m not getting any of the feelings or focus I normally do? or it’s like less at the most? then I recalled I started my period I think idk#again hard to tell bc of the whole my body doesn’t like to do normal menstrual cycles w/o force (& even then) thing#just now realizing this is probably why I’ve been struggling to force myself to open packages for at least a week or more now which is a#VERY SIMPLE & EASY & PROBABLY EVEN ENTERTAINING TASK?#which bc I haven’t been able to force myself to do that I haven’t been able to do other things I wanted to do bc THE THINGS ARE IN THE BOXES#namely I got a diffuser coz I don’t have one & I’m trying to actually learn curly hair shit & also get my hair to be back to how it was &#also I think I finally managed to figure out products maybe but w/o a diffuser it’s like a wet curlyish dog? I haven’t been able to test how#to use it yet which I meant to do earlier bc later today I have an event that I need to be in full clown glam for so I’m risking shit by#trying the new hair stuff today (it’ll be fine if it’s fucked I’ll just have it up) but ALSO that makes me more upset bc I get my perjod(?)#right as I have to dress up in PASTELS??? I can’t be a goth clown that’s too close to mimes man#in fairness there are other colors of goth but you get what I mean in this instance#also delayed my plans bc it’s 1am and I meant to do this earlier but then my other plans for the day got delayed too so it was just AAHH#all day was a series of slight bothers man#I’m doing everything in my power to not chicken out of the clown thing coz I WAS excited for the concept of what I’d do but idk if I’ll end#up being able to do what I intended ALSO idk if I’ll be done fast enough since I was debating going to a sports (shocking ik) thing but#I would probably not be able to go to that in non clown form so like idk if that’s a thing?#also I wanna invite this one girl I met to an event at some point but I can’t tell if that’s a weird creepy thing to do or if that’s my ocd#ALSO I’m starting to wonder if there’s mold in my room coz it would lowkey make sense if there was tbh#also speaking of things I forgot I was made an organizer yesterday for a local lesbian group and I keep forgetting to update the page with#events which I just realized I was supposed to do yesterday coz one of the events is literally today??? AAHHH#THE ADHD DEMON OF I WILL DO IT LATER IS HAUNTING ME YALL
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laughinglynx · 7 days ago
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#it’s really wild realizing how bad things have been for me mentally since…. October of 2023?#I was burning out so horrifically badly#and refused to see it for so long#and it’s taken a bit but.#I’m like…. enjoying things again?#I’m reading fanfiction again!!! and it doesn’t feel exhausting and make me want to cry!!!#I’m excited about the video games I’m playing#I have a project I’m working on that I’m really pumped to do!!#and god the contrast between this project and my Halloween costume for 2024…. Jesus Christ#I’m still recovering my social energy.#that’s gonna take a while to come back.#but it *is* coming back#but it just….. I’m actually excited about stuff now#the last time I was excited about something was summer 2023 when my secret garden musical obsession came back for a bit#and since then it’s been…. trying really hard to be excited and just feeling like tv static#not even tv static. just gray. too tired and sad for static.#the bad part is that I know I’ll end up back in that gray place again.#it’s a pattern. it’s happened many times before. I am better at recognizing what triggers it but don’t know how to handle those triggers.#but at least right now…. I’m doing okay again?#god just. having the enthusiasm to read fanfic. it’s been So Long since I could enjoy reading Anything#to be excited again is just. so nice.#(I am begging my social battery to come back though. I keep being to tired to game with some of my beloved friends and I feel so guilty)#(especially since right when things started getting better my social battery was SO HIGH and now it’s dropped off again?)#(….to be fair a lot of that is physical. healing is Exhausting I would like to never have another serious medical thing happen ever again)
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i-luvsang · 9 months ago
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i hate being on the verge of tears in public !!! and it’s about fucking kpop i need to get a grip!!!!!!!$;73&38&2$.!’$/$3!/‘j$€{€!{£&jhhdjdhwijwgeieiehhejeiddggdneiwiwhuwjeieuebidnejskaowhhrbdieiruruidieieiehndozi&$:$£7:)3&k$$;$&jhdhiahJh
#only feeling a little bit upset tho!!!! RJUDJDK#HAHAHA I DONT EVEN CARE#I SHOULD HAVE DONE MORE RESEARCH BEFORE GETTING MY HOPES UP LIKE THIS#HONESTLY FUCK KQ SO MUCH#OBVIOUSLY THEY SUCK BC#DUH ALL KPOP COMPANIES DO#AND I HATE THE THINGS THEY DO MOST OF THE TIME#BUT GOD#IM STILK UPSET#why did i expect anything decent god#basically since last tour i’ve planned and saved up to get vip tix!#ofc to be closer to the stage since i was in nosebleeds last time#but also because vip had hi touch and maybe even meet and greet if those are different idk whatever#and i was so so set on getting hi touch next time they toured#and now their touring and there is no hi touch or meet and greet whatsoever#and the prices are like triple compared to last time#and presale is tomorrow and i don’t even know what to do for tickets anymore#obviously i’m so so excited and lucky and privileged to be able to see them at all#as long as presale doesn’t sell out before i get anything lol#but still#i’m just having trouble getting over this part of it right now :((#and every time i think about it too hard or look at them or listen to their music i get real close to crying!!#i’m just really disappointed and i’ll probably sob about it when i get home to start getting over it lmao#anyways i don’t have any feelings about it tho!!#again i recognize this is such a spoiled thing to complain about and im sorry if its annoying to read abt!!#i so get that#i used to think i’d never even get to go to concerts at all and ik some people can’t#some people can’t even buy albums and that kind of thing so i do apologize for complaining about having money basically#i just saved up for so long and got so excited :((
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harrylights · 1 year ago
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deathxproof · 1 year ago
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technically I get out of work early (compared to my usual schedule) tomorrow so I’m…. Hoping to get some writing done. or I could pass out as soon as I’m home from work because wake up early. who’s to say.
#ooc !#I do want to write on tumblr more I just need to. There’s been a weird anxiety hurdle recently.#a lot of overthinking about uh. kind of simple things like talking to people. planning things. replying to stuff without getting a little#anxious. and like. It’s not necessarily a bad thing ! It’s just something I know I have to work through and being here isn’t causing me-#-like. distress or anything. If anything this has actually been Really Good For Me#It just turns out that I am still bothered by some stuff in the past in fandom / rpc spaces that I didn’t realize still bothered me.#nothing that anyone can do about it. including me! I just have to feel better about interacting with other people I don’t know super well-#-again.#How surprising that living at my parents and self-isolating a lot online and irl made the act of making new friends-#-INCREDIBLY difficult and scary for me AGAIN. I used to be good at it. I think. It’s just a rough brain time esp with moving and everything#and ultimately? I’m doing so much better than I ever was before. It’s just. everything’s a lot.#the making of a new blog and writing more on discord and stuff has been good for me though#make no mistake I am SO happy to be Back I’m <33333 very excited about also being really unwell about dr who and my characters again#feels like coming back to life a bit#anyways !!!!! some fun over sharing at midnight !!!#perhaps I’m feeling insecure about myself here. but that’s fine bc I’ll work through it eventually bc I’m having fun <333#and also missed having a space away from my personal blog tbqh#this started as a post talking about writing drafts and starters.
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waughymommy · 10 months ago
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Diaper Discipline Guide
Emma & Henry
My boyfriend of 4 years has always had regressive and sub tendencies while I’ve wanted to talk more control in our relationship. We tried several bdsm activities including smacking and bondage but the occasional nature wasn’t really doing it for me.
After finding out more online about Female Led Relationships I came across DD, initially dismissing it. But the more I read, the better and better the idea appealed to me. After some planning I decided to confront my partner and say I wanted to add an element of control and domination into our relationship, by saying I hadn’t decided how to do it yet we had a long discussion without diapers being mentioned where he agreed in principle to “lifestyle dominance” as long as it could be kept between them and not impact his job, friends, etc. 
This guide was invaluable to me to plan the rest and it solidified my decision. It took me two weeks to discreetly buy the required supplies, getting them delivered to our apartment on days he was at work. I decided that I wanted a high initial level of DD where he’d be in diapers 24/7 at home.
I decided to start on a Friday night after work. He’d known that I had been preparing for something and I started the conversation by saying my proposal was weird, reassuring him that it wouldn’t be painful/harmful and nobody else would find out but you wanted him to agree to try it for at least 6 weeks.
Although nervous he also seemed excited by the prospect and agreed. We moved to the bedroom where I told him to get undressed before I diapered him for the first time. There was a lot of objections at this stage but I talked him round and the agreement to try it for 6 weeks was helpful.
To make the shock less I started with a medical diaper which wasn’t too thick and let him wear his normal pjs over it. I left him to explore it on his own while going to make dinner. After dinner it was time to tell him all the rules, the main one was that the toilet at home was now banned and he’d be in diapers whenever he’s at home. I kept the baby elements to a minimum and said he’s have to also wear out the house sometimes but I’d make sure nobody could tell and never when he’s at work or with friends/family. I’m not going to lie and say this didn’t involve an argument, especially when he realised that no toilet meant #2 as well but we got through. We ended up watching a movie which was a good way for him to calm down.
He wet his diaper for the first time after the movie which was funny to watch as he was so nervous it was going to leak everywhere. Even though it wasn’t too wet I did change him straight away and made his change extra special too. That night he slept in a diaper for the first time.
Over the first weekend he did get more used to wearing and I allowed him to use the toilet for a bm on Saturday. Sunday however I decided to fully enforce the rules and he messed himself for the first time. I didn’t change him this time and he took a shower. There was a lot of protests again but I said it was none-negotiable. The smell did seem to be the biggest thing that bothered him so I bought some Devrom tablets which had been recommended, it took a few days for them to arrive and a few more of taking them but now his messy diapers hardly smell and the protests have stopped. I’d actually recommend you use these from day 1 to make the transition easier.
The first week was tough but we got through it and I’m happy to say we’re now 7 months in to him being in DD. Over that time I’ve moved to thicker abdl diapers, he wears onesies regularly around the house and the toilet has remained unused by him with only a few exceptions.
We both work mainly from home so I’ve gotten used to checking and changing his diaper but thick diapers + devrom has meant he generally only needs a change after waking up, sometime in the early afternoon and before bed. I’ll also let him change himself if I’m busy or cba. 
The best news is after an initial rocky patch, our relationship feels stronger than ever! He proposed to me 5 months in and I can’t see his DD ending any time soon. I’ve increased elements overtime and now the toilet is banned even when out of the house together. Public wearing did take him a while to get used to but actually it’s easy. 
I’m sure DD is not for everyone and is much more involved and hard work than other lifestyle changes but for creating a caring bond between you and your partner I’ve found it to be great!
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