#I’ll probs delete this later also because again who cares

[whimsyprinx]

upon reflection everything feels meaningless and nothing makes me Happy(tm) at this point

[foreheadkiss3s]

tate langdon x gn! reader.

trigger warnings : really sad thoughts going through the readers mind. i let my drama queen take over and everything came out too dramatic.

angst/ fluff at the end if you squint your eyes really hard.

this is so messy, really, it’s just a drabble i wanted to put out but i think i’ll probs end up deleting it since i feel like it’s cringey. also, english is not my first language so whatever (and wherever) mistake you might find, please bear with me.

I know it might be confusing, or even worse, not make sense at all. but i just let my messy thoughts flow and that’s the result.

just to get things a bit more clear, tate is still alive and dealing with his situation back home while reader is the only friend he managed to make in high school. the reader was at the house, not the murder house ( let’s just assume the reader’s house it’s near that ) and tate just presented himself there after the reader became distant with him.

« I’m sorry. »

You know about those days, when you wake up and your eyes reflexively land on the window? And then they wander up, and get to notice the soft hue of the blue sky, lightened up by the sun? And it’s almost as if you could feel the warmth of the sun rays seeping through your window?

Perhaps it’s the warmth of the covers, the cozy feeling that you get every time when you just wake up and that later on makes you whine because you know you’ll have to leave that warm place soon to get up and get ready for school. But it’s almost as if you had a restart.

For five minutes— sometimes even less, it depends on how much it takes your brain to process the world outside of your mind again— you get to feel like you’ve just been reborn, and that everything would be alright.

But then it all comes crumbling down.

Your brain registers where you are, the reality you live, and the obnoxious routine you have to do everyday. Get up. Brush your teeth and hair. Skip breakfast because you’re always late. Get dressed. Go to school. Wish to get home during and in between classes. Get finally home, but then you get frustrated because it’s always the same damn thing.

You don’t know what it is that frustrates you, that angers you so much and sometimes even makes you cry. That drains you, leaving you so exhausted that you end up falling asleep only to wake up the next morning and experience the same thing again.

Perhaps, you think, that you’re crazy. Maybe you’re spiralling out of reality. Maybe you’re just being an ungrateful teenager. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

Maybe you just want to sleep forever.

But, when you think you can’t take it no more, here comes Tate.

Sometimes you think he’s weird. Not in a bad way, you think he’s just.. weird. He’s one of the most pessimistic people you know, always looking down on the human specie and labelling it as some sort of stupid being. Yet, when it comes to the state you’re slowly falling in, he seems to suck it out of you.

You don’t know how to explain it properly— you don’t even understand it yourself, but it’s almost as if he is a sponge. Just by staying near you, he sucks all the darkness away. He’s like a black hole, but instead of absorbing everything he just absorbs your darkness. Or perhaps he’s just a little hypocrite that doesn’t allow you to be pessimistic just like he is.

Even though you know.. you know that referring to Tate as pessimistic is the least you could call him.

You hate it when he gets clingy, and that happens very often. Who are you kidding? it always happens, hence why you always resort to unkind ways to get him to leave you. You just want to be alone sometimes.

Tate might argue with you and say that it’s more than sometimes, it’s always.

You’re not a good person, you know that. You’re selfish and you don’t care who you’re hurting when it comes to you and the decisions you make.

You didn’t care when you started hanging out with a boy and spent less and less time with Tate. Why did you do it though? You still question yourself.

Yeah, he might be clingy, attached to your hip, dependant on you and the list could go on just like that. But he was the only one that showed you how much you mean, or perhaps, how much you could mean to somebody.

You never thought it possible that a being could be so much for another being.

Tate is your only friend. Even though you’re not sure of that anymore since all you did for the past few weeks—maybe month, was avoiding and ignoring him.

At the beginning it was just to get a little time alone. But then it started becoming more of an avoidance, and now? You thought you were avoiding him out of shame.

But he was your only friend, and you pushed him away for what? To test if you could feel something different than the void you were currently drowning in? How could you have been that selfish?

His eyes seem to be asking you the same questions as he stares deep down inside your soul. His kaleidoscope honeyed eyes.

« I’ll.. » a sob breaks his voice, and his attempt to hold back his tears fails, making the tears break through and fall down his cheeks like diamonds, «.. I’ll leave never bother you again if that’s what you want »

For the first time in weeks you feel something so authentically powerful that it almost knocks the breath out of your lungs.

You’re sat there, on your messy, still unmade, bed as you’re looking into his eyes. And he stares back at you almost as if he has already been there, in that position— unwanted and thrown to the side, times and times before. But still it causes him pain.

It’s a subtle but yet stinging feeling. Like a cut being slit open again by a sharp dagger with its blade covered in salt. It’s a swift movement, a methodical cut, because it always seems to be hurting in the same spot.

You don’t say anything.

« You’re just like her. » Constance. Tears stream down his face like pouring rain. His voice taking the resemblance of a wave as sometimes it gets higher and other times it comes crashing down, stopping abruptly to let his tears fall down silently.

Just like rain in the ocean.

Silence fills the room yet again.

« Please.. p-please.. » How come that he’s the one begging you and not the other way around? What is he pleading for?

You frown looking at him, still staring into his eyes like a stone cold bitch. And you might’ve even been one to someone else’s eyes. But not to his.

You were just as hurt and lost as he was.

He got down on his knees, sliding on them on the carpeted floor until he was by your legs, as you were still sitting down on your bed. He sobbed and sniffled as he got in between your legs and let his head slowly come down to rest on your lap. «..d-don’t leave me.

you’re the only thing I have left.. y-you don’t have to do anything just.. p-please.. please I need you. You’re everything to me.. I-I’m.. I.. »

How could you have let everything spin out of control?

You were sorry.

You were so sorry.

Your vision became so blurry, almost as if a plastic wall was swiftly building itself up on your eyes, until it broke down and you felt warm droplets of water strike your cheeks. You were sorry as you could see the hurting boy sobbing on your lap because of your selfish behaviour.

You didn’t know what had happened to you to get you to this point, to hurt mindlessly like that the only person that cared about you. But you knew you were sorry and you wanted to wipe everything you did away.

Your hand, slowly, made its way on his head covered by the soft honeyed hair. You let your fingers slip and comb through the strands of his hair while you finally felt something.

« I’m sorry. » a broken whisper left your mouth.

just wanted to apologize again as i’m sure it came out more cringy than anything, but if you have some advice to give me please feel free to leave a comment ( or just straight up tell me to stop writing and never do it again 🤪 ).

[shhhlikeme]

“Losty Aone” / “Losty Mountain Man🏔” Series: 

Outtake Collection #16:

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A/N: hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii babies!!!!!!!!!! Let’s fucking goooooooooooooo! I’m excited for y’all to read this juicy marathon. As of right now, I am unsure of how many collections it will be but it’s going to be one of the longest marathons ii. Check back every 20 minutes or so if you caught this immediately. Oh and I will be trying again to put my post under a read more but if it fucks up an deletes half the chapter again I am DONE and I TRIED okay??? xo

***ALSO I did not add my taglist to the last marathon so you guys might have missed collections 13-15!!!!***

TABLE OF CONTENTS

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Your Losty Heartbreak and Your Spy Kids Debut 😎🖊📚

Sigh. The curse of being a young adult, I tell ya. 

You are annoyed. 

Yes, two months after the breakup you are still completely heartbroken, even though, yes, it was your genius idea to break up with the love of your life: a man that girls only dream about having as a S/O….

but it was a selfless decision.

Aone Takanobu deserved more, better… than you. That was your rationale.

It’s not fair of you to just accept the perfect man because he was lost enough to lock onto you and not someone on his level. 

While it was a selfless decision , it was still a decision you selfishly regretted because …you were so in love with that man at the time that you did it….

You are….

But you will stifle those emotions so that he can get over you and hopefully see his own worth. 

But that didn’t mean you couldn’t be annoyed. Because you were. And at what, exactly? Well:

After dating and breaking up with him, Aone had females constantly approaching him. A/N: Not constantly but it felt that way for you ofc lol

You guess it’s nice that the females of Date Teko gave him the courtesy of one month to get over you but STILL!

Kusa and Katana said that Takanobu’s admirers shot up because everyone witnessed how he treated you, how amazing he was to you, and they fell for that along with his looks.

Your ex’s new admirers are hoping they can get a man that just as inwardly beautiful as he is outwardly and hopefully he will like them, too

In other words: They want what you had. 

And what did you want? 

Well:

You wanted to rip some hair out. Yours or theirs? You’ll leave that up to subjective interpretation. 

EVERY TIME you walked past your ex—that you still love—’s locker there was some brat or another staring up at him in admiration like he was Mount fucking Everest. 

You wanted to scream. 

but isn’t this what you wanted, Y/N? Your Mountain man to find someone else? Your conscience would ask. 

Shut the hell up, conscience. You’d bark back. 

You heard from Katana who was keeping tags on his every admirer that he denied them all dates (which defeats the purpose of your break-up, but you smiled nonetheless) but that Aone did agree to host a study session with a group of girls that apparently begged/needed his help in all subjects before finals. 

give me a fucking break, you and your conscious agreed.

“Ugh. He’s too kind for his own good. Can’t he see those girls just want an excuse to be near him?!?!” You raged about the study session as you peered closely through the passenger side window to make sure that Kusa got inside her house safely. It was 6pm, and you had just heard the news while on the way home from dinner at your favourite restaurant. Katana drove. From her doorstep, Kusa waved at you before closing her door.  

This Saturday, your best friends forced you on your first outing since the breakup, dressing you and even doing your makeup despite your complaining about leaving the house. You had to admit that the food that you did order at the restaurant was decent enough, but really—you would much prefer to still be in bed, flipping through pictures of Aone and Perdu and having a good cry.

Katana rolled her eyes as she stopped at a red light, responding to your initial question. “Ugh. Yeah, they are smarter than we thought. But you’re okay with this, right? I mean this is what you said you  wanted when you broke up with him. You said you want him to find a new girl,”” Katana fished for your true feelings, sounding a lot like your annoying conscience. 

You sulked, picturing other females near the man you are in love with. It made you sick. But, instead, you said, “Of course I am Okay with it. I want him to be the happiest he can be.”

Katana fixed her eyes on the road and bit her tongue so that she wouldn’t laugh. 

You had no idea why you weren’t being fully honest with your friends, but perhaps it made you believe it more the more you said it aloud. “I know Kusa had that assignment to do tonight… and you have that one with Kenji tomorrow, right? so do you want to come over? My mom got me another tub of cookie dough ice cream, and we can rewatch Bad Girls Club again.” You asked Katana in that voice that meant you didn’t want to be alone tonight.

Katana smirked. It was an evil smirk. “I’ll do you one better.”

“Uhhh… Katana….you missed my turn.” Your eyes widened when the cheer captain passed your street, and then passed her own street a few seconds later. “Katana!”

“Word on the cheer team is that Aone-san’s first study session ends in 20 at the local library. I wanna check it out.”

“What?! No you will not—!” You yelled, but you couldn’t help the surge of excitement that flew through your body thinking about seeing that man again. It was always like this.

“—Oh, lighten up— it’s not like I will be joining the damn study session.”

“You won’t?” You asked, surprised.

“Obviously not! Muri is studying something else there, so I need to give her back her notes anyway. It’s only a plus that I’ll get to see how desperate those girls are being with my besties ex. Incognito, kay? I was going to drop you off first and go, but it looks like you don’t wanna be alone. Right?” 

Your pretty best friend waited a few seconds for a response, and when she didn’t get one, she nodded. “Exactly.” She turned into the school’s practically empty parking lot, finding her favourite spot. “So, you can stay in the car. No prob. And I won’t tell you anything about it.” 

You frowned, watching as Katana reached in the backseat for her purse so that she could take out the notes she had for Muri.

“Okay,” you whispered anxiously.  

“I’ll be like, 10 minutes.” The brunette removed her keys from the ignition and stepped outside of her car.

You stayed where you were as Katana’s figure disappeared into the one of the Date Teko’s many entrances. You began to think about what your friend was going to see in there: Aone leaning over the shoulder of pretty Date Teko girls? Helping them with their homework the way he would help you? These girls smelling his fresh icy mountain scent, and leaning in closer, the way you would to him?

Naturally, you began to panic internally.

You pictured the girls twirling their hair flirtatiously and telling him that they didn’t understand when they did, just to keep him hovering over them longer. The same way you used to. 

😤😤😤

Your foot started tapping on its own inside Katana’s car, thinking about how your lost ex-boyfriend wouldn’t even pick up any of it as flirting, ugh. 

Your imagination created even more concerning visuals: more giggling, more oblivious Aone, more shoulder brushing, more oblivious Aone, and then some more….. yeah. Should it really have come as no surprise that you soon found yourself hidden behind a dusty bookshelf in the anatomy section of your school’s library on a Saturday, squatted down and peeping through the slits between books to catch glimpses of your ex boyfriend hosting a study session?!

You blamed your active imagination. 

Behind the dusty shelves, you whimpered because the obstructed vision due to the books covered the white haired beauty perfectly. You held a disgusting book to the right a bit.

“Oh,” your stomach flipped. “He looks so cute.” You put on a 🥺 face when you noticed how utterly adorable a standing Takanobu looked decked out in forest green sweatpants and a matching hoodie with the hood on, and his white hair barely visible. 

Your stomach flips were quickly bumped away by sheer annoyance as you saw him then do exactly what brought you up here, just as you thought: innocently leaning down to help a blonde third-year girl you knew by the name of Sutairu Elyts with a question she was asking. She was smiling way too much for someone doing boring ass school work on Saturday, you noted. Flipping her hair, giggling, and obnoxiously putting her cleavage in Aone’s line of sight. You picked up the dusty library book that was obstructing your view and stopped yourself from tossing it at Sutairu— instead choosing to toss it to the side without a care in the world, trying to get a closer look at how close the girl was going to get while Aone answered her question. 

You were close to literally poking your head through the bookshelf hole completely, when someone to the left of your hiding spot cleared their throat very loudly. You jumped, bumping your head and hissing in pain. 

You removed your head from the bookshelf and looked up at the cause of your newfound migraine.

There stood Katana, her arms crossed and a knowing smile on her face. “You got here faster than I thought,” She reached down to help you up. “Now, come on. None of this amateur shit. You know my style. When it comes to cute boys: make it obvious, and make it count.”

***

Aone was in the middle of teaching Algebra to a group of students (he doesn’t register the fact that they are all conveniently female and all too well dressed for a study session) who had desperately begged him for his help, to the point where the teacher just asked Aone to do it. 

He didn’t mind, the teacher offered him extra credit and everyone he was teaching was nice, they didn’t mind him being pretty silent, plus Kenji fully supported it. So why not? Aone mainly supported it because it was a great distraction from his broken heart and his plan…. 

Or so he thought it would be—before he spotted you in the library.

His heart skipped a beat because he absolutely was not expecting to see you today. His plan wasnt supposed to be put into action until Monday! Trying not to freak out, Aone watched you enter from a side that wasnt the entry way—which is pretty odd—but he shoved the thought to the side anyway because there you were, looking busy.

“Wow.” Takanobu couldn’t stop himself from mouthing when his eyes found you. He mouthed it to himself, of course, but it caused the observant participants in his study group to whip around to see what he was looking at. 

you were dressed pretty casually, coming from dinner with the girls, but Aone hadn’t seen you dressed in anything other than your school or cheer uniforms since your breakup, so it took him by surprise

Not to mention you looked really, really, really good:

Aone watched you scan the bookshelves with Katana—which, if Takanobu was thinking straight— he would realistically call bs on you ever coming to the library for no reason, ESPECIALLY on a Saturday— but you looked too gorgeous to him to care 

Now that he is working alongside you in a project, he has been able to crawl out of depression a bit, simply because your mere presence made him feel whole again, so he basked in the delight he felt any time he was able to see you.

Aone realized that even though he struck out the first time and failed to make you want to be with him, he had nothing to lose if he tried again. 

The premise of Aone’s plan presides on the idea that you are the only girl he wants. Therefore, he just has to prove that to you. Silently. Strategically. 

So that’s the only reason why Aone was able to to shift his focus right now and look away from you, effectively returning to helping his study group and making them forget you even walked in. 

Aone’s mission is to become the man that you want and need, naturally. He will exude more confidence: which is a testament to the fact that he was here right now: tutoring a bunch of girls who have asked him out and he has rejected before because of you,

He wants word to get back to you that your ex is the type of guy who knows how to be just friends with people who had feelings for him. Just in case you wanted to start there with him.

He wants to be your friend. Aone wants to be anything to you but a stranger. It’s the only way his heart stops aching and if that’s all you can give him is a friendship after this project is over, then that is what he would willingly accept!  

Aone forced himself to look back down, getting up to step around the circular table to help with the other girls’ study guides. 

He was able to keep his cool for the most part, but almost lost it twice... 

Once when you dropped a book and bent down to pick it up, showcasing how amazing your butt looked in those jeans. 

Aone cleared his throat to get his own attention back and turned away quickly when he felt a familiar stir under his sweatpants. He stuffed his hands deep in his sweatpants pockets and directed his energy back to the paper in front of him. He erased an answer for one of his students and plugged in the correct one.

The second time Takanobu almost lost his cool was when he heard you make a cute noise and his eyes flicked back up to you. You were trying to reach a book that was too high for you but probably met the height of his ear, your hand above your head, your bodyweight on your toes which gravitationally rose your top up as well, exposing the naked skin on your lower back. 

Aone’s throat went dry and he bit back a groan because the last time he’d stared at that lower back of yours so intensely: you were in a perfect arch, naked, using his dick to pleasure yourself when he told he was on the phone. 

Cue hands in pockets again.

He recalled how that section of your back had a light layer of sweat on it back then, making it glisten as he bit his lip, trying not to moan to the feeling of your tight and juicy walls running up and down his length. Holy, shit, that feel good. 

Aone began thinking about helping you get that book and then fucking you against that bookshelf you were leaning on: holding you up in his arm, the other hand used to place it behind your head as a cushion so that you did not harm yourself when he sheathed his big dick inside your absolutely perfect box, so hot and so delicious, and soo hard not to cum inside within the first minute…..

👁👅👁 Aone’s eyes glazed over to the point where one of his tutor-ies had to snap their fingers in front of his face. 

Highly embarrassed, Takanobu pulled it together ASAP, muttering a quick and sincere apology and thinking only of his plan. Trusting in his plan, he refused to look up in your general direction again. He didn’t trust himself to. 

***

“He barely looked my way….” You sobbed into your cookie dough ice cream later that night, Katana rubbing your back and removing your hair out the tub. 

“Please, Y/N,” Katana begged, absolutely gutted seeing her best friend like this. “Please be honest with yourself and make sure you truly stand by the decision you made.”

———————————

A New Aone and a Perfect Plan? ✅🤩

Mountain Man put absolutely all of his energy into his plan to get you back. His understanding is that you broke up with him because he wasn’t good enough for you, so that means he would just have to make himself good enough for you. While Kenji was completely against Aone trying to get back the girl who broke his heart, Kenji found himself agreeing with the plan since it meant that his best friend would be speaking, playing volleyball, and overall living life again while it was in action. The plan was to essentially fake it till you make it—show you that Takanobu could be the man you deserved. 

The gist of the plan was for Aone to disallow himself to be zombie-like anymore, because you probably didn’t like that. He started spending more time with his friends again, and he was eating again. He was banking on this plan, and if it didn’t work—sure, he’d be crushed for the rest of his life—but at least he’d have no regrets. It wouldn’t be easy, he’d have to speak back to other females kindly letting them down when all he wanted to do was speak to you. He’d have to ignore you when you walked by which meant going against his every instinct, and he’d have to speak to you confidently in class when you two were working on the project and small talk about your lives, when all he wanted to do was lean in and kiss you until he could taste you even when he pulled away. 

Thoughts of you consumed him, still, but they were now hopeful thoughts. He was not going to let his dream girl walk away that easily. 

A/N: GO BABY GOOOOO

You, on the other hand, took this new and confident Aone as a sign that he was getting over you. He didn’t seem very sad anymore, you didn’t see that same dejected and lost eyes you saw when he pushed his best friend away from you. You saw intensity there, like he was now focused on a new task in his life. It confused you, and it hurt like a bitch, because deep down you knew he’d move on soon and you wouldn’t. 

But this is what you wanted, right? 🙄🙄Repeated your conscience, again. You really wanted to fight her. 

“Y/N, you seem out of it today.” Mountain Man stopped writing the outline of the content analysis in class to stare down at you. You could see the concern in his eyes, but you refused to believe it was anything more than the concern anyone would feel for an ex turned friend, and nothing more. 

Embarrassed, you realized that you must have zoned-out, and now this gorgeous man that you wanted to jump was calling you out on your odd behaviour. “W-was I?’ You shook your head then looked down in your lap. “Sorry.” 

Aone placed his pencil down, heart pounding because he wanted that frown of yours to disappear so badly. “Is it about your University Cheerleading tryouts?” He asked kindly, too kindly—if you had any hope of getting over him in the next 5 years. 

You looked up at him, confused as to why he’d even mention that. 

The white haired beauty blushed. “Kogane—he, uh, well…” Aone took a second to look away and collect his thoughts because your big beautiful eyes were making him lose his train of thought. He reminded himself of his plan and collected himself, returning to your gaze. “Kogane-san mentioned to Kenji and I this morning that Kusa needed someone to film her audition tape, because that is the only way cheerleaders are able to send in your tryouts for schools that are too far away, correct?”

“Oh,” You nodded. “Ya—“

Aone continued without missing a beat. “I know Kogane is helping film Kusa’s, and you mentioned yesterday that Katana is out of town for a camp… so, and feel free to say no: but I’d love to offer you my help, Y/N. With filming and editing.” 

There was a pause in which you just looked at Aone with those big beautiful eyes that he thinks about 24/7. 

Afraid that he might be coming onto way too strong, which goes against his super slow plan, Takanobu adds: “As friends. Offer you my help as friend.” 

Your heart sunk, but he looked so sweet asking, not to mention you really did need to get on that tryout instead of pushing it off until you miss it completely and don’t end up going to University—

If you didn’t get a cheer scholarship you were screwed; Aone knew this. Not to mention you would love to see him more; Aone did not know this.

“I’ve taken photography as my elective for the past three years and do pretty well in that class in terms of grades, so I just thought…” Mountain Man was scared shitless, nervously listing off his accomplishments like this was an interview…. mostly due to the fact that you hadn’t answered him yet. Too fast, she can tell you want her back—now she’ll never give you another chance. Failure. Aone opened his mouth to retract his offer, but you interrupted him before he could get the first word out. 

“Um, yes. Sure. I’d love your help, Aone-san. I promise it won’t take long. Thank you so much.” 

Aone nodded even though he was bursting at the seams inside. Mountain Man couldn’t believe it. After  being broken up with because your feelings weren’t there, you agreed to spend non-school related time with him?! The middle blocker couldn’t help but think that you wouldn’t have said yes, had he still been acting like a zombie. Actually, he wouldn’t even have dared asked, if he was still acting like a zombie. Now he gets to help you and see you more than he has since the breakup, and he considers this like a gift! Yes!

“Great. Just tell me where and when you would like to have your audition, and I will be there.” A very cool reply.

You even rewarded him even more with a smile. “How about next Tuesday? Here on the field since it’s getting warm out again? I need to rehearse a lot and that gives me enough time.”

“Understood.” A cool second later, Takanobu had to excuse himself to the washroom so that he could celebrate in silence. He texted his friends and took a deep breath.

Selfishly, Aone also wanted to help you with this particular audition because he wanted you to go to the same University as he and Kenji. He wanted to help you with your future assignments and he wanted to see you everyday. How great would that be? A little torturous, too. But if you were on a cheer team and happy, then: mostly great. 

Baby steps, Mountain Man sighed contentedly. He would get you back in baby steps, and this was the first one. 

He just had to keep following the plan.

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Taglist: @galagcica @chaichai-the-weeb @nairobiisqueen @bisasterrr @juminly @simply-not-the-same @marvelousbakugou @qyuanon 💛

Outtake #17: CLICK HERE!

[shinjaeha]

itsay ep 5 (thoughts + spoilers)

i feel like i’m on a high that i’ll never come down from :))) the itsay effect. this show is truly a cultural reset.

first up, i just want to say that i have never been more worried about a final ep before IN MY LIFE. for the past couple eps, i’ve tried to watch them live raw, but for this one, i was afraid of spoilers (and wanted to understand everything from the first watch), so i waited for the vimeo ep to drop and let me tell you...that was both the longest and shortest wait ever...the excitement and the dread i’ve been feeling this whole week has been unreal.

as usual, this is not an analysis. tbh there’s prob going to be even less analysing in this one bc most of the time i was either crying or yelling at my screen (and i feel like this ep in general didn’t have as many scenes to analyse?). but god, i’m SO GLAD that they gave us a happy ending bc it would have broken me into pieces if i had to rewatch and recap this knowing everything had fallen apart for them (ecstatic that wasn’t the case, and my feelings from last ep on how things might go in this one actually panned out!!). after what went down in ep 4, i always thought that that was going to be the peak of the climax/conflict, and that this one was going to be much more of a healing ep...the ep that would bring more closure to each of the characters and their relationships, as well as wrap things up as a final ep should.

so the way this ep starts is actually kind of anti-climactic. esp after the intense emotions of what happened at the end of ep 4. which is understandable? like they were being petty teenagers angry at one another, but now it’s a few days later, and all those heated emotions have tempered down. they’re in that awkward stage where neither of them even know how to start approaching one another after the loaded feelings of the last ep (basically this is what happened to them when they were children. no one reached out, and they both drifted apart...only now they’re aware of what might happen if no one reaches out and it’s a question of whether they let history repeat itself).

oh-aew using the cue cards that teh gave him and being worried ;;; doing that thing that teh told him about writing something over and over again when he can’t say it out loud...teh deleting his line chat history ;;; i was torn with this one bc on one hand noooooo, but on the other, it could be representing them starting anew again?? ALSO, they always know how to make the most of the ost in this show (i think it’s the can’t translate/lost in translation instrumental?). i was literally shaking the first time i watched this.

i was actually very worried about how his mum was going to treat him after last ep...i thought she would be angry/ignore him, and i was feeling so anxious about it...maybe bc i personally know what that’s like. that feeling in the pit of your stomach when you’re scared of how they’ll react to you after a fight. teh wanting to make his mum proud is hugely important to him, so when she handed him the plate, i actually let out a sigh of relief. i’m glad that his mum understood and backed him when he needed it most (she may not be fully all the way there yet, but feelings are raw and it takes time). and i already knew hoon would, so i wasn’t too worried on that front.

tarn is so good for teh, and i really see why they were drawn to each other. but i like how she’s prioritising what’s right for her, and also telling him like it is. they need to focus on their studies now and figure out the other stuff later.

teh loitering outside the tutoring classroom before entering sort of reminds me of ep 1 when teh and oh-aew met up for the first time after their first fight...just this time it’s less straight up antagonism between the two of them and more hurt feelings as they avoid each other instead. i also appreciate the gang during this. they’re so normal and encouraging about the whole situation. they know something went down between teh and oh-aew, but they don’t really press too much about it. just let teh know that they’re here if he needs someone to talk to.

the ep 5 trailer played us!!!!!!! i was WONDERING why oh-aew would suddenly say all that nice stuff about bas (not that bas doesn’t deserve the nice stuff, he’s an ANGEL) in front of class, but their teacher was the one that put them up to it. the horror i felt as i watched teh look straight at oh-aew but turn to bless phillip instead and then start on that whole spiel about how phillip “never sees the good intentions of friends as worthless. never says ‘no’ to what friends give you” and how he’ll never leave him because of that. ALL RIGHT IN FRONT OF OH-AEW’S SALAD...STOP TEH. PLEASE. he’s digging himself into this hole himself with the passive aggressiveness again. THEN BAS COMING IN TO STEAL THIS WHOLE SCENE. i don’t think any of us were expecting him to be as forward as he was but omg. he laid it all out on the line in the way that teh couldn’t (at this point in time). i’m really, really glad that oh-aew got to hear what bas thought of him though, and that bas got to tell oh-aew all his feelings. nothing is misconstrued. he’s so brave and the utter respect i have for him increased by tenfold...what a fantastic character. just so sure and convinced in how he feels, and so uncaring of what anyone else thinks. it’s so damn refreshing. and for oh-aew to know that there’s nothing wrong with him at all. that he’s desirable and wanted and loved (it calls back to ep 4 when oh-aew’s sobbing and desperately asking teh “what did i do wrong??” again and again). it must have meant so much to him. the conflict i felt in my heart watching that and knowing that bas would be SUCH a good guy for oh-aew, but also knowing that sometimes that’s just not enough.

DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON TEH’S REACTION TO ALL THIS. he’s truly facing the consequences of his actions in this one. but just imagine being in this position, being too scared to own up to your own heart, and then watching this other boy do it like it’s the easiest thing in the world?? like it’s just another regular day?? like it’s nothing?? all to the boy that you’re in love with. to the boy that wanted this exact thing from you, but you couldn’t give. it’s like teh’s watching oh-aew slip through his very fingers, but knowing that it’s bc he never had oh-aew in the first place (and the reason for that is himself). i also really love how no one in class (including their teacher) makes a big deal out of this? they’re all just applauding bc it’s a sweet confession. it would be so jarring for teh to see this acceptance when the fear of society not accepting his feelings for oh-aew is one of the reasons he can’t accept them himself.

anyway, i had like one thought in this next scene and it was just DRINK THE COCONUT TEH. DRINK IT!!!!!!! so nice to see how his fam loves and believes in him.

teh watching on as bas and oh-aew take the first step with their left foot :(((

LOVE how they use the firecrackers going off to represent anytime there’s some sort of shift in teh and oh-aew’s relationship (when they first met, when they had their first fight, and now again when they talk for the first time after the fight and oh-aew tells him teh that he and bas are dating now). it’s such a great way to symbolise the spark and passion of their relationship. anyway, this meeting mostly consists of the both of them trying not to cry as they act civil with one another and skirt around what happened. teh asking about what the deal is with oh-aew and bas is like a parallel with what happened last ep when oh-aew asked about teh and tarn...only this time oh-aew and bas are actually dating...man, this is really not the kind of news you want to hear right when you’re about to sit one of your most important exams ever :/// teh holding himself together until the moment oh-aew leaves and then just having a fucking meltdown over the news :((( as always, it just hurts to see teh torture himself in this way. but esp when he’s supposed to be sitting his exam and he just can’t stop crying in the exam room (been in that position and have almost done the same thing before). when he hadn’t finished his exam and they were like “time’s up, pencils down” the sheer panic i felt at this...ugh. i hate it.

the elation on bas’ face when oh-aew asks him out for chinese new year. he’s the cutest. THE ABSOLUTE CUTEST. and then when he holds oh-aew’s hand????? the boldness of it. he. just. does. not. care. i wish i had that sort of confidence!! oh-aew’s shock at this too. his realisation that it’s okay. that this is okay. and then bas being all “why would i be?” after oh-aew asks if he’s embarrassed. bas is literally giving oh-aew everything that he wanted from teh and more (compare this to that scene in ep 3 where teh and oh-aew grazes hands but don’t hold each other’s hands). he’s proud to be with him and to show the world. and, you know what?? i would do anything in the world for bas to be happy.

AND HERE WE HAVE IT. MY LONG AWAITED HOON/TEH HEART TO HEART. i wanted teh to tell hoon soooooooo badly, so to hear the words come out of his mouth...that his brother was the first person he told. i felt so relieved bc i knew that hoon would support him no matter what. the struggle in teh’s face and words...he fought so long and hard against ever admitting these feelings to someone else out loud that it would have felt so incredibly terrifying, yet also like a weight being lifted off his chest, to finally get them out there. to have someone else know his secret. and to know that his brother loves him unconditionally regardless. “if you like him, you go after him” THE WAY I SOBBED DURING THIS. i really loved what hoon said to teh. he didn’t sugarcoat things and say that everything was going to be fine if teh liked boys too. not every single person you meet is going to be okay with who you are, that’s just a fact, but i loved that he emphasised to teh that HE was okay with it. it’s just what teh needed to hear. and that it might take their mum some time to accept it too, but all she truly wants is for teh to be happy. just the feeling of hearing his brother, someone that he very clearly looks up to and respects, tell him that he can like whoever he wants to like?? that it’s all up to him and he’ll still be there for him whoever he wants to be with?? teh sorely needed that and i’m glad he got it. hoon encouraging him to go fight for his love!!!!!!! i was cry laughing at how teh just starts bawling his eyes out at hoon telling him to go after oh-aew, but then teh telling him that it’s too late for him bc he likes someone else. like from hoon’s perspective, he’s prob just like ‘this is so needlessly dramatic’ and the sibling energy during that whole part is too real. i love them.

watching bas/oh-aew with the rest of the gang and their respective girlfriends really makes you realise how open and accepting they all are. like teh was terrified in the scene just before about how his friends might not accept him and oh-aew, but then you see them here with bas/oh-aew and no one even cares (which i expected bc they’ve been supportive since day one, but it’s just nice to see in practice too). oh-aew teasing them all ahhh. cute. phillip being the relatable only single guy there (me at every gathering i go to with my relatives omg).

THE PIANIST PLAYING SKYLINE. they really wanted us all to be SAD sad huh, and they succeeded. how it pans to oh-aew and this song is yet ANOTHER reminder of teh...you know he’s thinking about cape scene where they were singing and translating to one another. on the day they made their promise to each other :( and teh being there too??????? all alone with his bowl of oh-aew on the table. feeling the exact same heartbreak that oh-aew’s feeling too :( it’s the way that so much of their relationship is beyond words for me. but they’re also both hurting so much that i just want to push them together and make them talk so they can clear everything up.

hoon talking in cute japanese to nozomi on the phone while teh goes through oh-aew’s old worksheets and cries I HATE IT HERE. i love the different ways in which teh has smelt oh-aew’s coconut scent since ep 2. how it evolves from curiosity to desire to him heartbrokenly reminiscing, every feeling changing with the shifts in their relationship.

can i just say that oh-aew’s parents are ADORABLE. but also, finding out exam results is the worst kind of anxiety. was so happy that oh-aew got in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he worked his ass off for this :’))) teh not getting his first pick wasn’t altogether surprising bc it did feel like they were leading up to this. but when he apologised to his mum about it ;;; noooo, she’s so proud of you. as someone who’s been through this process before (and didn’t get my first pick either), it always feels like it’s end of the world when you don’t get the uni pick that you want, but it really isn’t. still, it sucks when you’re in the moment there’s no denying that. but i get that it’s also particularly sad for teh since he’d already basically gotten his first pick before he gave it up for oh-aew. but again, it’s all part of the learning process, and the consequences for his actions. 

BAS BEING BEST BOY EVER YET AGAIN. how he knows exactly how oh-aew feels bc he feels it too, but he never imposes those feelings on oh-aew. he knows that oh-aew’s heart isn’t with him, can’t be when it’s with someone else, and bc he cares that much about oh-aew, he guides him in teh’s direction. it’s never a good idea to date someone who’s hung up on someone else, but i’m glad that they tried at the very least. the both of them did what they could, and oh-aew needed to experience it to know. i’m really glad that bas was there to make oh-aew realise how worth it he is too...and bas deserves someone that loves him back just as much as he loves them. seeing bas cry is the worst experience ever. 0/5. never want this ever again thank u. their hug scene was just devastating, and worse still bc it’s not anyone’s fault...you just can’t help how you feel, and that’s just the way it is sometimes.

idk why but for me, the scene with tarn was possibly the hardest scene for me to watch in this ep. it’s interesting how he’s wearing the shirt that oh-aew was wearing in ep 3 in this scene (with the bold ‘sunset’ lettering). i guess it symbolises him being ready to open up about his feelings on where their relationship is heading? either way, she’s a great friend. she’s so encouraging, and understands him and his ambitions to a tee. the both of them are always filled with such fierce determination. they just know what they want and go for it. but that’s also why these past couple eps have been all the more confusing for teh since he’s always been so sure of himself before. how she tells him that no one can take away his identity and that no one can take his dream away from him?? all these characters just knowing exactly what teh needs at the right time. she’s so incredible. no wonder teh is so scared of losing her as a friend. it’s great that he apologised for how he treated her last ep bc it’s def the least that she deserves. that being said, watching her heart get broken as teh tells her that his feelings for her have changed and asking if they can still be friends...like damn, that fucking hurts. there’s something in tarn’s face in this scene that stays with me every time i watch it, and it’s that heavy feeling of knowing that the opportunity is missed. they had the potential to have been something, but it’s slipped by now, and now they can’t go back to those initial feelings anymore. too much has changed. but it’s also that she, like bas, values teh’s happiness too much. values their friendship so much that even if she’s heartbroken, she can still overcome those feelings of heartbreak bc she cares for teh so deeply and wants to see him happy. despite the pain she’s feeling, she still encourages him to make the first move and talk with oh-aew bc she knows that oh-aew is who makes him happy. anyway, we already established this in my last rant text post for ep 4, but i love tarn with my whole heart and only ever want her happiness too. the purple hibiscus in her drawing for teh was like a final stab to the heart :(((

what i love about bas and tarn is that neither of them are the bad guys in this situation. this drama has no outright antagonist, and a lot of the time in BLs (even in standard dramas in general) that’s what the secondary love interests are used as...a hindrance for the main couple to get over. but the both of them are written (and acted) with such respect and care. it’s really hard not to fall in love with them too. the real conflict and antagonism mostly comes from within teh himself, so this series is his own journey to overcome that. a true coming of age story.

oh-aew in his uni uniform!!!!!!!!!!! cue me constantly chanting “come through, teh” over and over as oh-aew passed the restaurant hoping to see him. and I KNEW HE WOULD. not me bursting into tears as soon as they show him following oh-aew on the motorbike ;;;;;;; he loves oh-aew too much, and this was too important, he was never going to back out on this promise. i mean, he gave up his uni spot for oh-aew so he could keep this promise. technically, if you think about it, it worked in a roundabout way bc teh giving up his place was what made oh-aew decide to do the admission exam again...and better still bc he got into his first place uni all on his own accord. he proved to teh that he could do it like he always wanted to.

love that teh pushes the good luck coconuts onto oh-aew too, like his mum and brother always do for him. it’s cute. when they go to the temple again, and the significance of it being open this time so they don’t have to sneak in anymore????? my heart is FULL. another thing i love is how teh’s kind of behaving like how oh-aew did in ep 3?? being flirty?? almost toying with him?? like that part when they’re drinking the coconuts together, and he sort of slides backwards drinking the coconut, eyes not leaving oh-aew before bouncing away. that’s an oh-aew move okay. and, as always, teh encouraging oh-aew when he’s down bc the sun isn’t out. rival and inspiration. i love them more than words could ever describe.

skyline instrumental is legit the perfect song bc sometimes when you listen to it, it can make you feel like you’ll never be happy again, but then other times (like when they’re walking to the tip of the cape), it’s like a shot of pure hope to your chest. that shot of them going through the trees and right into the open space of the tip of the cape with the sun shining all around them was BEAUTIFUL. the freedom of it all, of no longer being constrained. seriously, these shots of the two of them standing in front of the golden glow of the sun are just *chef’s kiss* so stunning. cinematography on point (but when did this show ever fail me on that front).

“when i gave it, i really gave it to you” I’M NEVER GONNA STOP CRYING. i literally cannot watch this part without getting choked up and/or screaming. they’ve missed each other so much, and it’s piecing the broken bits of my heart after the last 4 eps back together again. THEY’RE FINALLY TALKING.

okay i really have to talk about this scene when oh-aew asks teh “how about you and i?” bc of the war flashbacks i’m having back to the last time this question was asked and how disastrous that turned out. it’s in how oh-aew asks it and reads teh’s hesitancy as teh thinking the same as he did last time...oh-aew’s fake smile (the same smile he put on when he asked teh how things were between him and tarn and teh told him they were pretty much the same) when he thinks that teh still isn’t willing to acknowledge he likes him back. it’s how oh-aew is willing to accept ANYTHING from teh...whether he wants to be friend or a rival...whether teh likes or hates him...as long as teh stays in his life. he’s willing to accept whatever teh wants to define them as bc he’s just missed teh so much and can’t stand to be away from him. and it’s like this is what finally clicks in for teh. that restricting himself this way is only ever going to constantly hurt the both of them. teh finally saw past himself, and realised what this meant to oh-aew. it’s like he’s finally looking at oh-aew and seeing what oh-aew needs most (has always needed most), and that in turn helps him gain the courage to say it out loud bc the love he feels for oh-aew (and for himself) is ultimately stronger than any fear he has about society not accepting them. it’s such a beautiful scene. after pushing back at himself and his feelings time and time again, he can’t deny himself anymore. his character arc has come full circle ;;; everything teh’s done in previous eps for oh-aew has shown how much he really loves and cares for him, so it just makes me happy that he released his breath and let himself be happy. it’s all i ever wanted for him.

the amount of tears i shed at teh asking oh-aew to be his boyfriend...i knew teh was very likely going to give in to his feelings for oh-aew at this point, but this was even more than i expected. that was so SMOOTH. oh-aew bursting into tears after that...SAME. then the hug in the sunset WITH the new ost song. and that last shot of teh’s handwritten full pages of ‘love’...they did the MOST with this and i’ll never ever ever be over it.

then the part 2 announcement!!!!!!!!!!!!! after so much angst, i can barely believe we’ve been given so much in such a short space of time omg. i love how teh’s tie is red and oh-aew’s tie is blue for their respective uni uniforms. ADORABLE

i know everyone was afraid (myself included) that this was going to end sad from the get go. from the trailer to the ost, we were all TERRIFIED bc realistic shows like this often end in heartbreak. we’re so used to it. but i saw someone describe itsay as a love letter to the lgbtq+ community, and i totally agree. it could very well have ended tragic/sad, but instead they subverted our expectations of the traditional ‘bury your gays’/sad gay ending we’re so used to and gave us a story that showed us that there’s realism in happiness too. there are so many struggles and hardships that lgbtq+ people have to go through bc of the world that we live in, but they CAN be happy too. this post that nadao tweeted of teh crossing out the lyrics of skyline and writing “let me set my own destiny“ instead is SO powerful, and shows the immense character growth he’s gone through over the course of the series. it made every single tear that i have shed for this show completely and utterly worth it.

i’ve mentioned this multiple times before, but i’m so grateful to nadao for giving us this drama. literally one of the best dramas that i have ever watched in my entire life. i’ve never felt so passionately about a show before, or been so attached to the characters and their relationships. everything about it...the directing, the writing, the cinematography, the acting, the soundtrack, EVERYTHING has been set to such an impeccable standard i really don’t know how, or if, i’ll ever get over it (prob not). i know i’m not the only one that thinks so, but it’s truly a masterpiece. i hope it sweeps all the awards bc it’s the least that it deserves. moreover, i’m so happy that their story isn’t over bc this cast of characters are some of my fave characters ever and i genuinely cannot wait to see more of them in march next year :’)

[angrymongol01-archived]

A/N: Am reposting two of my shelved discontinued fem!Hinata fics from my old blog here (for exposure ig? Also I didn't delete them completely there, they're just posted privately lol); for those who've read the original post before and wondering why this blog repost another blog's work, supplies~!! OP here, filling this blog with some Haikyuu content from last October. Enjoy ^^;; ALSO DO NOT SEND HATE ORZ smh

My Masterlist

Prologue | 01 | Omake 01

tho it doesn't looked like an extra chapter at all smh ahaha

Omake 01

wc: 1.9k words

warning: mentions of thigh touching (and probs kidnapping but not implied), a bit of OOC-ness, a few ‘damn’ mentions.

note: indented paragraphs -> flashbacks

*NOTE: since purple/violet is unavailable via PC (using desktop beta lol), I'll use yellow for Ushijima instead.

“…ta…nata…Hinata!”

A female’s voice continued calling her from her deep slumber.

The faint smell of ammonia wafted in the air.

Eyelids slowly opened as she regained consciousness.

“Ah, thank goodness you’re awake now, Hina-chan!”

“Yachi-san?” She groggily glanced at her friend.

“I’ll tell the others she’s awake!” Suddenly, the owner of that voice earlier, Date Tech’s manager, Nametsu Mai, stood up and headed outside the door. Yachi nodded her thanks.

“W-what happened… Where am I? Is this not our—the managers’—room?” she asked.

Hinata started to sit up from where she was laying but wobbled.

Luckily, Yachi and their second-year senpai Kinoshita Hisashi helped her out and gently positioned their fellow member on one corner of the classroom-slash-makeshift sleeping area.

Her senpai sheepishly replied to Hinata, “This is Date Tech’s sleeping quarters. We were having our first practice match of the day, against them, when Sugawara-san called to inform that they’ve found you together with Shiratorizawa, and their captain carried you on—“

The decoy shivered, thinking about the restroom incident hours ago.

“—and fainted on Ushijima’s shoulder. Ma~n, Suga-san’s so furious back then Kageyama had to stop him from killing them.” Kinoshita chuckled.

“Your room’s kinda far away from where they found you, so the managers decided to drop you off here since it’s the nearest one.”

Hinata sweatdropped, a bit embarrassed.

“Ah… thank you, and sorry for whatever inconvenience I have caused earlier…”

Yachi shook her head. “No, no, it’s fine! You’ve done nothing wrong, Hina-chan~,” she grinned at the orange-haired girl.

Smiled back also.

Then she suddenly facepalmed. “I forgot about the practice match! Is it still going yet?”

“It finished an hour ago, we lost—2-1,” a scowling Kageyama answered, trudging towards the three.

“K-k-kageyama…!!!” the female middle blocker blanched with fear, hands gripping the blanket draped on her lap, while the raven-haired setter shot a menacing glare at her, which she averted. “I’m… I’m sorry for—“

“Are you alright?” he quietly asked Hinata, his hand perched on her head.

His deep blue eyes swimming with concern and worry.

She felt a slight flush on her cheeks while meeting his gaze.

“H-hai, I’m fine!” the chibi assured Kageyama. “Nothing to worry about, Bakayama-kun~!”

And she smiled at him.

The boy suddenly became hot and turned to look away from her, hiding his flustered face with the back of his hand.

“H-hinata boke… idiot,” Kageyama stuttered, his heart thumping louder than normal.

Ahh… he sure is whipped for Hinata, that Kageyama boy, Kinoshita thought, shaking his head.

While their blonde manager only giggled.

Recovering from his blushing mess a while ago, the raven-haired setter took a deep breath, narrowed his eyes at Hinata and quipped.

“But I guess you do know that we lost in the match earlier because of your carelessness around your surroundings, right, dumbass?”

He smirked.

This pissed the female decoy and threw in some punches at Kageyama, which he constantly dodged. “Shut up, you!! I said I’m sorry, alright?!”

“No, you did not!”

“Yes, I did, Bakayama!”

There goes their ‘lovers’ quarrel’ again… hahaha…

“Hinata!” Sugawara’s sweet voice boomed inside the room as he entered together with their team’s captain Sawamura Daichi. Beside them tagged along Hinata’s friend from Date Tech, fellow middle blocker Aone Takanobu.

“Ah, Sugawara-san!” The first-year idiot duo stopped their bickering when the gray-haired setter all of a sudden hugged her.

Hc’d Suga and Hinata are chummy-chummy but in a mother/daughter sort of way.

He is, after all, Karasuno’s Sugamama.

“Honey, are you alright now? Did those Shiratorizawa bastards hurt you? Don’t lie to me!” She blinked in reply, baffled.

He might cry in an instant now—

“Oi, Suga, calm down,” Daichi said, drawing circles at the fellow third-year’s back to calm him down.

Aone then stepped closer besides Hinata and sat with his legs crossed, his eyes gazing at hers like Kageyama’s.

“Are you okay?” he asked her, his deep voice nearly startled both Hinata, Yachi and Kinoshita.

Date Tech’s one-third of the famous Iron Wall is a man of few words, and his replies were mostly grunts, hand gestures, and nods.

So it’s rare for him to speak, or ask a question, especially to a member of the opposite sex—or, in this case, at Karasuno’s Number 10. At Hinata Shouyou.

She held both hands at Aone’s now flustered cheeks, and grinned.

“I’m okay now, Aone-san! Don’t worry too much~ nn?” She tilted her head while looking at him.

C-cute… she’s cute, No-Eyebrows thought to himself. Even the other boys thought so, too.

Then he nodded.

Hinata patted his shoulders. “Good!”

Ahhh the power of friendship, feat. AoHina—

“Say, Hina-chan,” Yachi looked at the orange-haired girl. “Care to say to us why you fainted on Ushijima-san’s shoulder?”

The chibi stilled herself, cheeks starting to get a bit red. Kageyama noticed it.

“A-a-ano!! H-hinata-chan, it’s o-okay if you d-don’t have to tell us! S-sorry for asking such a foolish q-question—“

“Yachi-san, calm yourself down, too—,” the captain sweatdropped.

Looking at the people around her, Hinata slowly opened her mouth to speak.

“My thighs are kind of ticklish when being touched,” she muttered, face in an embarrassed state.

“Ha?” “Ticklish?”

“He—Ushijima-san touched the back of my thighs, but just to keep myself from falling down his shoulder!” the female middle blocker said aloud, pouting. “That’s why I… f-fainted earlier.”

Her partner remembered the face she made while being carried on Ushijima Wakatoshi’s shoulder.

“USHIJIMA-SA—hyaah! …P-please… stop—“

A vein pop ticked on the raven-haired setter’s face, his jawline twitching slightly.

Kageyama’s fists gripped hard, his face a big scowling mess.

Damn that Ushiwaka guy—

Another dark aura emitted on another corner as vein pops ticked on both Dadchi and Sugamama.

Wearing their scary faces.

Both Hinata, Yachi and Kinoshita panicked, while Aone furrowed his brows.

“Did you bring some shovels, Daichi?”

“They’re inside the bus compartment, Suga.”

“Good. We’re digging some graves for some perverted volleyball dorks to bury down later—wanna help us, Kageyama?”

———

Meanwhile, at Shiratorizawa’s side of the training camp, the members were at the sidelines, taking a break from practice when—

“ACHOO!!!” Tendou sniffled for the nth time already ever since coming back to the gym with Ushijima after the incident with Karasuno’s Number 10. “Uh, yizz…”

“Tendou-san, are you really alright?” their team’s first-year ace-in-the-making Goshiki Tsutomu asked, his face scrunched with worry. “You’re sneezing constantly.”

The redhead shook it off with a wave of his hand in reply, and smiled grimly.

“Yeah, I’m a-OK, thanks for your concern, Tsutomu-kun!”

“Oi, are you sick?” Shiratorizawa’s team mom third-year setter Semi Eita stared at his fellow third-year teammate with disgust. “If you are, please stay away from us! We don’t wanna get infected by your cold… Goshiki, don’t go near him!” “Eh? But, senpai—“

Tendou narrowed his eyes on him. “Semi-Semi, if I do have a cold, I will first go straight at ya and share my germs, duh!”

“DON’T CALL ME BY THAT STUPID NICKNAME, YOU IDIOT!” the team mom seethed, throwing a pack of tissues at the middle blocker in reply, hitting his arm.

A quarrel ensued at Shiratorizawa—

“Okay, guys, that’s enough! Save your bickering later at lunch period,” another third-year, Oohira Reon, chided and managed to stop both Tendou and Semi from tearing off their heads.

While the rest of the team just sighed and/or watched at a distance.

“Ano sa…”

Some of them turned their heads at the semi-deep voice of second-year starting setter Shirabu Kenjiro.

Idk how to describe voice ranges ‘cept high-pitch, deep blah blah sorry—

“Tendou-san, you mentioned earlier that you and Ushijima-san met Karasuno’s Number 10, right?”

“Aye~ we have!” the redhead then nudged Ushijima, who was sitting near him, on the side. “Right, Wakatoshi-kun?”

He nodded. “Un. We met Hinata Shouyou early this morning, outside the gym.”

“EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! You two met that cute sunshine already upon arrival!?!!” Both their libero, Yamagata Hayato, and middle blocker, Kawanishi Taichi, squawked at their captain.

Their faces looked like (‘◉⌓◉’), with Kawanishi gripping the collar of Shirabu’s shirt, shaking wildly.

“T-taichi, stop shaking me, goddammit—!” Whack!

Said second-year middle blocker started to wail in a dramatic way.

“WHYYYYYYYYYYY—!!”

Dunno how to grasp Kawanishi’s personality here tbh so stfu dejk—

“We were about to bring her here back though…” Then Ushijima’s usual stoic face darkened a bit.

“…if only those Karasuno setters didn’t show up.”

“Ah, that Kageyama guy and their vice-captain, isn’t it? Number 2?” Shirabu pointed out. “That guy’s really scary even though he has the face of an angel; their captain also.”

Oohira asked, “Wait… so you two attempted to kidnap the girl?”

“No, no, ‘kidnapping’ will only cause us trouble,” Tendou said, waving his hand in a disapproving way.

“Let’s call it ‘luring her with some sweets then put her inside a potato sack’—“

“ARE YOU A DOWNRIGHT LOLICON!?!!” Semi screamed straight at the Guess Monster’s face, pissed at his earlier statement.

Tendou vs Semi, Round 2–

“I-I heard from Date Tech’s Koganegawa-san that Hinata-chan fainted on you, Ushijima-san,” Goshiki stammered, red tinge on both his cheeks due to embarrassment, maybe? “Is that true?”

Ushiwaka nodded curtly. “Ye—“

“EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! SHE DID WHAAAAAAAAAAT!?!!” Both Yamagata and Kawanishi squawked again, interrupting his response.

Their faces now looked like (● ˃̶͈̀ロ˂̶͈́)੭ꠥ⁾⁾, with Kawanishi again gripping the collar of Shirabu’s shirt, shaking wildly.

“KAWANISHIIIIII!” An uppercut.

Chaos ensued inside the Shiratorizawa Academy (High School Division) Men’s Volleyball Club.

Their captain declared to himself, his olive-colored eyes shone with determination:

We will take Hinata Shouyou here, in Shiratorizawa. She should have (come here). Whatever the consequences be.

“WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU SLACKING OFF, YOU NIMRODS!!! GET YOUR ASSES BACK TO PRACTICE!!!!”

“HAI!!!!”

———

How did the supposed-to-be ‘rumor’ begin? It all started when…

“Aaaarrrggghhh!! This is not right, Ryuu!”

“Huh? What d’you mean ‘not right’, Noya?”

“I want to sit next to our cute kouhai Shouyou on the bus earlier, but it’s always that bastard Kageyama who gets to sit beside her!! Hnnnnnngh—!!! He gets to touch Shouyou’s hair whenever she dozes off, or place her head on his shoulder to sleep on! Or-or maybe even take a candid shot of her sleeping cutely—dammit!!! This is frustrating!!!!!”

“Ahhh~ I know how you feel, bro! I, too, want to sit next to our precious Hinata-chan on the bus! B-but… Noya, what about Kiyoko-san?”

“Ryuu bro, our loyalty is always on our beautiful goddess Kiyoko-san—BUT SHE’S DIFFERENT FROM SHOUYOU! Our kouhai is literally the epitome of a living sunshine~! She cures our blues away! Remember that time during our match with Wakunan, when you were kind of down about Daichi-san’s injury then Shouyou suddenly hugged and peppered you with words of encouragement?”

“Oh, yeah! It calmed my senses down… and also! Remember when you came back from your suspension, and me and Hinata noticed bruises—“

idk I really need to refresh my HQ knowledge by rereading the whole manga orz—

“—on your arms? Ma~n, she freaked out and began applying those with some ointment she had in her bag. And you told me later that time Hinata’s hands were very soft even though she spiked and blocked so many balls in her lifetime? Also that expression on your face! So priceless!”

“Ahhhh~ I wanna touch Shouyou’s soft hands again longer! Not just a high five—but holding hands!”

“Me too~ Damn, I wish there’d be some kind of (rotational?) seating arrangement whenever we’re on the bus, traveling to matches and stuff…”

“Ryuu! Noya! Heya!”

“Tora! Our shitty (city) boy from Tokyo—wassup!”

“We can’t wait to play another game against you guys later! ww”

“Same here!”

“Ah, what are you guys talking about?”

“OUR PRECIOUS KOUHAI HINATA/SHOUYOU!!!”

“Eh? Shrimpy-chan? What about her?”

“It’s like this….—“

The two crows and mohawked cat walked their way inside the camp premises, talking.

Unbeknownst to them, two eagles accidentally eavesdropped on the earlier conversation.

DO NOT REPOST/EDIT WITHOUT PERMISSION. PLAGIARISM IS A CRIME, KIDS. LIKES ESPECIALLY REBLOGS ARE HIGHLY APPRECIATED. ALL WORKS © angrymongol01 - 2021.

[angel-deux-writes]

Now that Honor Compels Me is finally done, I wanted to do a round-up of all the things I remember that made me say “I feel like I need to tell someone what almost happened here” or “I should probably explain this later lol”, along with my reasons for cutting the last few chapters/what would have happened in them. It’s prob going to be very long, which I apologize for, but I’ll bold the headings so that you can skip to the parts you’re interested in!

I’ll reblog it and add more as I think of them, but for now: 

Dark Dany: VERY originally, like way back in the OG plotline from 2017, Dany was an antagonist, and Margaery Tyrell was Robb’s queen. Dany would have died fighting Cersei in Kings Landing, with the same result (Cersei was ALWAYS going to go out by wildfire lmao). I changed it both because a) it seemed like too many Conveniently Alive people for one story and b) after the shitty ending Dany got, I decided I would try my hand at writing a Dany I could actually root for! For years I’ve been a big proponent/fan of the idea that Dany is eventually going to be an antagonist in the books, but the way it was handled in the show was so irredeemably stupid (gassing her up and gaslighting/scolding her fans later who didn’t see it coming, making her switch at the drop of a hat for the majority of the general audience just for the sake of a twist, etc). I ended up really loving the version of Dany I created. I tried not to soften her TOO much, which is why I had her wrestle with herself even up to the very end (like thinking “I won” after the explosion in Kings Landing and hating herself for it). I didn’t want all the flaws that make me not support canon Dany to disappear just because I started to like her! I do think that writing this story made me like Dany more overall. I still don’t support her canon actions, and I also probably won’t in the books, but I came to find her more compelling as I wrote her. I’m a lot less afraid to write her now than I have been in the past, though I’ll continue to add warnings to all my stories that feature Dark Dany, bc yall Dany stans have been through enough. 

More Death: At various points Dany, Theon, Bran, and Arya were going to die. 

Dany was already pointed out. 

I had Theon die in the Long Night in the plot outline just out of laziness/in keeping with canon, until I remembered that Redemption = Death is stupid and I wasn’t gonna do it. 

Bran was going to die after warging into Drogon and being caught in the explosion of the Red Keep. That actually stayed in until a few weeks ago! I told a bunch of people that Bran was going to die! It was the plan all along! And then I realized that “somebody has to die” was a shitty way of looking at it, and I changed it. I think a lot of this process of changing things was me trying to write what I thought people wanted vs what story I actually wanted to tell. Sure it’s a little fairy tale ending this way, but it’s my story, and who cares? Happy endings are nice. Fuck off. 

Arya...I probably wouldn’t have ever actually gone through with it, because I am a coward, but there was an idea of a VERY heavy-handed “revenge is bad” message with Arya where Arya was much more savage and instead of turning back into Arya, she was turning farther and farther away from her. She couldn’t reconcile with the Lannisters, she rejected her bonds with her family. In the end she would be unable to let go of her list, would refuse to grow and change and realize that she had other things to live for, and she would have set off one of Qyburn’s traps in the Red Keep, igniting the whole thing, killing Drogon and Rhaegal (and Bran) and leading to the deaths of thousands. AGAIN I was like “that’s too dark” and scrapped the idea, but it was definitely toyed with. I love Arya as a character, so this plotline for her would have definitely been more a reaction to fans of her who seem to want her to hold on to that vengeful seed inside of her. 

Prophecies: Listen, I do not give a fuck about any prophecies. I really don’t. Every fantasy universe has some kind of involved backstory that some fans love to get mired in, but I am not one of those fans. Still, I tried to deliver on two of them lmao. 

Azor Ahai ended up being Jaime, with Ice/Oathkeeper and Maiden’s Heart being Lightbringer. Originally, I had Brienne killing the Night King, without any thought to the prophecy at all, but that was another case of “people will like it if Brienne kills the Night King” and I realized that I would like it better if it was Jaime. I’m not sure how it checks out literally, but I figured it worked with a) tempering in water = splitting Ice. b) heart of a lion = Jaime’s change of heart after the Highgarden Battle. c) Nissa Nissa = Brienne’s “maiden’s heart” breaking during the Highgarden Battle. It was Brienne who did the stabbing, but it was Jaime who made it happen, so I figured that made sense. I made sure to mention Brienne’s tears and all the smoke when Jaime was wounded, so he could be “reborn amidst salt and smoke” or whatever, and I had Bran mention a rebirth for him in the next chapter. Which was maybe a little on the nose, but IDK GUYS I FEEL LIKE IT CHECKS OUT! 

I know the show never dove into the Valonqar prophecy at all, and I think we all know that I absolutely HATE the idea of Jaime being the Valonqar, so I would rather not think about it AT ALL. But Bran AND Rhaegal were both kind of responsible for Cersei’s death in the end, so take your pick of which Little Brother actually did the deed! 

Deleted Chapters: I promise you, you are not missing anything with these deleted chapters. They were always messy, and no matter how many times I edited them, they felt too forced and “now let me explain the ending”. 

Sansa: Sansa’s chapter followed Jaime’s and was primarily about her going to Robb and Dany and the three of them talking about the future of Westeros. The Dany/Robb conversation about it was originally absent--the last Robb chapter was added to fill in the gaps when I deleted this and the other chapters--so this would have been the first time it was discussed. It then would have had a time jump and a wedding scene, which I could never make work! It was such a jarring time jump in the middle of a chapter, and I didn’t think the wedding was particularly exciting to write about lmao. 

Tyrion: Tyrion’s chapter would have been Dany being crowned and announcing to everyone that she and her people are going to be dismantling the monarchy and setting up a new government. I think I had her give a period of a few years in which she and Robb would rule, but they were going to be transitioning governments in that time. Kind of the same idea as in What a King Should Look Like. Bronn also showed up, DID in fact get a minor holdfast, and was mocked by both Lannisters for bowing out before he could have earned himself a better one. Olenna found some bastard daughter to legitimize and continue her house.

Brienne: Brienne’s arc was a lot more drawn out in the original draft, and I ended up editing it a few times and making it shorter. VERY originally, this chapter would have been her wedding with Jaime, at which she has the “wow he actually loves me, huh?” realization. Which I thought was funny as I plotted it out, but in execution it wasn’t as good as I wanted it to be, so I moved the realization to an earlier chapter. The original was also going to be Jaime giving up his name entirely, and Brienne cloaking him, but as we have discussed before, I am in fact a coward, so I just deleted the whole chapter lmao. In all seriousness, at this point the endings just felt like Return of the King, and Into the West was actually the chosen song for this chapter, because I knew even as I was writing it that I was doing Too Much lmao. 

Robb: Robb’s last chapter was essentially just a total wrap up chapter. Just Robb and Dany being sappy, Robb being happy he was still alive, and the two of them planning the future. They were at Riverrun for this part, i’m pretty sure, or it might have been Dragonstone? I had trouble even filling this chapter with enough words for it to be a full chapter, because it was basically just an epilogue. As the story progressed, this chapter felt more and more like I was just performing to the “Robb’s Alive” crowd, which I didn’t particularly want to do, because Robb being alive was always a feature, not the focus, of this story. 

That’s all the stuff I can think of for now! If anyone has any particular questions you can message me or inbox me about them and I’d be happy to talk about it! 

[bluepulsebluepulse]

For the "Give me a character and I will answer" thing. Bart Allen/Impulse/Kid Flash!

PLEASE NOTE: Everything said below is purely of my opinion. Please do not take offence to any of it. Don’t waste your time commenting on this to tell me that you disagree and think I should change my mind about x, y or z (it won’t work). Again, this is just my opinion, it shouldn’t have any affect on yours. I’m not asking or trying to change you opinions or perceptions of the character in question! You continue seeing/ perceiving this character however you like! After all, if we all see the character the same way (that is kind of boring). And you know what, I’ll just say it now. If the character in question is one you care about deeply, don’t read below the line! Simple as that! I don’t want any hate for my honesty.

CHARACTER: Bart Allen

Why I like them

LITERALLY EVERYTHING! BART ALLEN IS JUST AMAZING! HE IS SO COOL! Gosh I just, I could honestly write over a million good things about this amazing speedster.

Why I don’t

THERE AIN’T A SINGLE REASON I DON’T LIKE BART ALLEN. The closest thing I have ever come to feel that represented any unpleasant feelings in relation to Bart Allen, is the way some of the comic book artist’s draw him. He is a straight up babe and some of the artists get it so wrong. But that literally has NOTHING to do with Bart himself. Actually I thought of one more thing, but again, this has nothing to do with Bart. I kinda think Meloni should have just named him Bart, not Bartholomew. Speaking of crappy naming conventions, I hate that YJ gave him the title Kid Flash, he is Impulse! It takes away from his identity! Sorry, but he deserves to continue building on his Impulse identity.

Favourite episode

That’s a tough one since he is just the pure essence of all things good in this world… Probably the one where Bart and Jaime are in the El Paso desert. They are blowing up rocks and having the best of times. I’m terribly ashamed I can’t remember the name of the episode. I can literally remember every line of Bart Allen’s dialogue but I couldn’t tell you which episode any of it belonged to?

Favourite season

DEFINITELY Season 2 (not even a contest) - I hate Season 3 of Young Justice *sobs*. I’m legit worried Season 4 will also be a disappointment. I’m such an optimist y’all.

Favourite line

“Stick with me Blue, I’ll keep you from feeling the mode.” - Picking one physically hurt me, but this one…

Favourite outfit

I actually love both YJ versions. I feel like his Season 2 costume is MORE iconic though. It is much closer to the comic versions of Bart I have seen and loved. There are a few comic versions though which make me cringe.

OTP

LOL - just in case my blog doesn’t SCREAM it, BluePulse…

Brotp

I mean… Can Jaime be my answer for this too? Can’t they be bros and lovers (once they are both of age)? I mean look… If I have to pick one (that isn’t Jaime), it would likely be Cassie. I headcanon Bart being Cassie’s gbf tbh.

Headcanon

He is gay and I’m pretty sure this is basically canon in all our hearts anyway (the only time I’ve seen people say otherwise was in this BRUTAL reddit chat which I think she should be wiped from the internet personally). And YJ appears to be delivering on making Bart gay canonically anyway… just with the wrong people. GRANDON… OH HOW YOU HURT ME. I should stop watching the show lol, but I won’t, I need Bart Allen content in my life.

Unpopular opinion

OOF gonna receive some ALOT of hate for this one… I don’t believe Bart has ADHD or autism tbh. I don’t think ANY of the speedsters do. Of course it would SEEM that way to non-speedsters, and I totally get why people stan for it. I just think that the trait of being impulsive or having a seemingly infinite amount of energy to burn, doesn’t mean he has it. I do see why it makes him a candidate for representation though. I do think Bart however has PTSD from his time with the Reach and suffers nightmares because of it (sorry Bart). And I know in my heart he is gay lol. And I defs stan for him being VERY extra, and talking too much and loving to be loud (and he’s just so adorable like that). So I’m not saying I don’t think any representation should be attached to him, but there are certain ones I prefer for him and my perception of his character (based on the materials I have consumed). Another thing that bothers me - and you will see this across ALL characters I ever talk about; is when people try to attach too many representations to a single character. I think it’s kind of derivative and takes away from the individual elements when you cluster a character with ten different kinds of representation. But that’s just me. I don’t have a problem with representation (I belong to several different communities myself), and am fortunate enough to have a lot of unique and AMAZING friends who belong to some of the same categories as me, AS WELL AS different ones too. I hate shows that refuse to acknowledge anything other than the “standards”. I think the world is more colorful place because of these communities, no that was not an pride pun. And I will reiterate, this is just my opinion, it shouldn’t have any affect on yours. You continue seeing perceiving Bart however you like!

A wish

BLUEPULSE NEEDS TO BE MADE CANON! SOMEWHERE! I DON’T CARE IF IT’S IN YOUNG JUSTICE (ALTHO SH!T I’D STRAIGHT UP DIE IF JASON MARSDEN VOICED BART CONFESSING HIS LOVE TO JAIME IN HIS DREAMY VOICE AND ERIC LOPEZ RECIPROCATED IN HIS YUMMY VOICE) (oops did I just say that out aloud? should probs delete this later). I DON’T CARE IF IT’S IN THE COMICS. IT JUST NEEDS TO BE CANON SOMEWHERE. I AM FLEXIBLE DC.

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen

Please do not harm Bart in anyway DC (i.e. getting shot in the kneecap by Deadshot or dying early from hyper-accelerated metabolism!!! LIKE WTF DC LEAVE HIM ALONE!). Also don’t make him straight, ugh! But most of all, DON’T LET HIM BE WITH ANYONE OTHER THAN JAIME REYES. NOT EDUARDO DORADO JR, NOT VALERIE PEREZ, NOT ROSE WILSON, NOT CASSIE SANDSMARK AND NOT ANYONE ELSE. All of those options make me so very sad.

5 words to best describe them

Impulsive, fast, funny, caring, Jaime-obsessed.

My nickname for them

I mean I don’t really have one and that gives me actual depression… Should I make one? Idk. I love Bart too much to risk picking something lame. I defs know Jaime would have some super cute nickname for him in Spanish. I really want to know what it is.

That is all folks! Thanks for the ask! :)

[tarotdeckshuffle]

Love Letters from the Chocobros + Ravus, Luna, Cor, Nyx, and Ardyn

Earlier I wrote a love letter from Ravus that I really enjoyed writing, so I thought I’d do one for all of my favs! I sliiightly edited Ravus’s as well and included it here!

You wake up to find that your S/O has left in the middle of the night without waking you. This is how each would let you know.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Noctis

Noctis would send you a simple text message after he left. He likes to send everything that’s on his mind in one long message. He’d likely text you each night with updates and to hear from you. Texting is his jam.

This man so rarely communicates with anyone that it is truly special for him to have a message chain with you. You can bet that he never deletes anything you send him. You’ll probably also get King’s Knight invites. Playing the game together helps you two feel closer, even if you can’t be.

Hey, we had to leave like suuuuper early. Didn’t want to wake you. I hope your day goes well. I’ll try to text you when I can, probs when we stop tonight. I miss you. I can’t wait to get back. Love you.

[Simple, but sent to you as soon as he’s functional (so like noon)]

Prompto

Prompto would also text, but he’d send a selfie with either heart stickers all over it or doing the heart hands thing (or both, depending on how much time he has). He also sends multiple messages as things come to him. Prepare for a cheese fest with this cutie.

You know you’re special with Prompto because he always replies as soon as he can, we’re talking like a three second response time. If he can’t respond right away, he’ll apologize profusely when he does text you. He’d use tons of emojis, just...all of them. Prompto is probably the only one who you can reach out to whenever you want and he’ll always try to make time for you.

Hey babe! <3 sorry I left without waking you. Don’t be mad, ok? You looked just so cute sleeping. See?!

[sends you the photo of you sleeping we all know he took]. How are you so pretty EVEN WHEN YOURE ASLEEP?<3<3<3<3

Save the spot next to ya for me! I’ll be back before you know it![thumbs up]

[There’d be a pause in the messages as he becomes serious]

I miss you already...I love you. Remember that, ok?

Ignis

Iggy would want to be a classic romantic by leaving you a letter, but he’d also opt for practicality above all else. His actions would speak louder than words. He’d likely leave a note and a flower on the counter for you, next to the already prepared coffee, a breakfast that takes little to prepare, and all of the dishes done.

This man is one of the best strategists in all of Eos. He’d know every plan the two of you made better than you would and would be utterly disappointed that he had to skip out on them due to his sudden departure. Knowing him, he’d pull all the necessary strings to make sure your plans would be rescheduled for his return.

[Note]

Urgent business to attend to. Will return promptly.

Love,

Ignis

[A text message at his first possible opportunity]

Love,

I apologize for my sudden departure. Matters progressed quicker than expected, making it imperative to leave. Please know that I will be home to you as fast as possible.

I’m deeply sorry that I will miss all of the plans we made for this weekend. I made arrangements for us to visit the Royal Gardens upon my return and I have moved all of our reservations.

You will find a surprise awaiting you tonight! [It’s likely he ordered you your favorite takeout to be delivered when you return from work and flowers to be delivered at the same time.]

I love you. Be safe.

-Ignis

[Ignis would want to call you in the evening, but Gladio always finds the best conversation spots before him and he doesn’t want to be away from his duties for long.]

Gladio

Gladio loves being close to his beloved, so he’d probably risk waking you to kiss you before he left. He’d also call you and leave a voicemail the first chance he got.

Gladio makes sure that everything is personal with those he loves, so texting would be out of the question for him unless it was his only option. While he’s very learned, I don’t see him as enjoying giving you letters, perhaps because his handwriting is so bad? Perhaps because it’s still too distant for him. He’d rather take the time and call you each night. He aches to hear your voice.

This man doesn’t like using the L-word, but for him, “Be safe” means about the same thing. He really loves domestic life and would be disappointed about ruined plans, regardless of how simple they were.

[Voicemail left for you]

Hey babe,

Sorry I had to leave so early. I tried to wake you, but [chuckles] we both know how that normally goes. I got called out on an escort that had to leave before dawn. I shouldn’t be gone for too long, but I’ll let you know more details as I can.

[He’d pause to take a deep breath]

I know we made plans together for this weekend. It kills me that I won’t be able to make them, now, but duty calls, ya’know? [a forced laugh] I rented one of the movies you wanted to see, it’s by the TV. And yes, you can have my leftovers. [He chuckles again at the normal fights over leftovers you two have.]

[He sighs and gets quiet after trying to lighten the mood]

I really do miss you.

I won’t be able to answer my phone most of the time, so I’ll call you when I get a chance.

Be safe for me.

Ravus

Ravus’s letter to you would a full love letter, done on his personal stationary, sealed in an envelope, and your name beautifully written on the front. It may be brief (for him) due to the sudden need for his departure, but it’d still be one of the most eloquent letters of the bunch.

This man loves you so much, but he doesn't always know how to say it. That’s why he loves writing to you: he can take the time and think about how he wants to express himself. He knows the perils of his position and always fears he may never see you again. That’s why he leaves you physical letters, so that if the worst should happen, you have something to hold and remember him by.

My Dearest Star,

I must leave you as Chancellor Izunia has discovered “urgent business” that must be attended to at this late hour. With the morning light you shall wake and I shall be dreaming of you.

While a great distance may separate us so unexpectedly, know that I will do all that is in my power to make sure that my time away from you is limited:  I hope to return to your arms within a fortnight.

I realize that my schedule grows tiresome on you. I promise that, upon my return, every moment I breathe shall be devoted to you and your desires. I long to bask in the radiance of your smile and to lay my hands upon the perfection that is your body, once again.

Your love is the greatest treasure I have been fortunate enough to be granted.

May the astrals watch over you until you are safe by my side.

With all my love,

Ravus

Luna

You are in love with the busiest woman in all of Eos, good luck. She would want to be romantic, having learned from her brother, but she doesn’t have the time or the means as she seeks out the astrals. To make up for this, she’d likely leave you notes at every gas station and town she passed through, hoping someone would recognize you and give you the note. Sometimes, she’d even call you, when she got your number right and had free access to a phone. Umbra and Gentiana would deliver messages to you whenever Luna could spare them, but that’s not often seeing as they’re also assisting the True King.

The fact that she’s taking any time to think of you and reach out to you is special. Yes, it’s a unique way that doesn’t always work (who knows how many notes are out there), but the creative solution to the problem is very special to you; it shows she really put time into thinking about it. It’s like a scavenger hunt for your love!

[First Note, given to you by Cindy]

Dearest Beloved,

I write to inform you that I am safe beyond Insomnia’s walls. Contrary to my deep desire to await your arrival here, I must continue on. I hope to see you soon.

Please be safe. I love you.

Your Dearest,

Lunafreya

[Second Note: Left at a campsite for you by Gentiana]

Dearest,

I’m so happy that this note has reached you. Know that my heart belongs to only you and my every thought includes you.

I head onwards to the astrals. Meet me soon.

Your Beloved,

Lunafreya

[Third Note: Left at the gate to the Meteor of the Six]

Dearest Love,

If you are reading this, I have already moved on. While my duty lies with Noctis, know that my heart lies with you. Please, come to me.

I await you where my tears meet the sea.

All My Love,

Luna

[A call from Luna]

[Hello?]

Hello!

Oh, my treasure! How I’ve missed your voice!

No, I must speak!

I’m afraid I cannot wait any longer, I must leave!

I’ll wait for you in Altissa!

Please hurry, I’m afraid my heart cannot take much more of your absence.

I miss you. Are you safe? Are your travels well? Have my notes reached you?...

[You calm her anxiety by simply saying, “I love you, Luna.”]

[you hear her sigh]

I love you, too.

[shouting in the background]

I have to leave.

Take care, but I’ll see you soon…

Cor

This man loves you, but he is ALL ABOUT practicality. He’s too slow at texting you, so he’d probably just call you later after he leaves you with a kiss.

Cor is a hard man to figure out. Looking from the outside in, it’s hard to tell just how much he loves you. But to you, it’s the little efforts he’s constantly making. Like he’d get the coffee ready to go before he leaves and maybe leave a note on the counter saying “Be back soon.-Cor.” You know he loves you because this dedicated workaholic makes the time to call you ever so often. While he doesn’t say much, you are one of the only personal calls he makes, so it’s extra special.

[Voicemail]

Hey…

I had to leave early on...royal business. I can’t say more. You...slept through it. [He knows not to bring up your sleeping habits by now but you can imagine the teasing smile on his face.]

Some of the guard may come by to check on you, I put in a request for it. Sorry, but just to be sure.

I’ll call you later.

I love you.

Bye.

[Between the two of you, it’s implied that he misses you, but he leaves you so often that you just know it. So much goes unsaid between you two, but you know you’ll regret it one day. Cor must know it, too.]

[The next day, Cor actually sends you a message!]

I miss you. I love you.

[Cor likes to bring you flowers from wherever he was when he returns.]

Nyx

Nyx would be out the door so often that text messages would be the norm. He’d be another one that you knew to read between the lines with.

This man would use so many shortcuts. Anything to be able to send you a message in his few spare seconds. Knowing him, he often gets his phone broken, so you get messages from new numbers a lot. But you know Nyx loves you because the man that can’t remember to eat or bathe regularly has your number memorized.

If his shifts are inside Insomnia, he’d stop by your work or apartment to steal a kiss if he found even one moment to spare.

Had to go early. Emergency. Be back tonight. Love you.

[or]

Heading out for a few. I love you. Libertus will b by l8r.

[The mere fact that Nyx is texting you shows that he cares. He typically doesn’t communicate if he doesn’t care at all.]

[If you tell him you love him.]

I love you too. I miss you. It’ll be awhile, but wait for me. I’m coming home.

Ardyn

This overdramatic wonderful man is a spectacle to behold. If you thought leaving you notes was romantic, this man is over the top. He leaves a full paper letter to you, left pinned to your door (to make your neighbors blush), AND sends you a dozen roses later in the day to show the ENTIRE WORLD that he loves you.

A good way to describe Ardyn is that he lingers. He would make his party wait to leave until after he gave you a long, slow kiss before he left. He’d stop by your apartment or work if given the chance and likely be there for at least an hour. He’s immortal and has all the time in the world, so he may as well spend as much of it as he can with you.

My dearest, sweetest [Y/N],

You have my sincerest apologies for my sudden departure. Unfortunately, urgent business must be attended to.

While attending to said duties, you will be a constant presence in my thoughts. I find my mind wandering to the sound of your voice, the softness of your skin, the smell of your hair, and the light in your eyes. You are a most welcome distraction to the monotony of bureaucracy.

Know that upon my return, you shall be treated like the royalty you are. I shall pull you into my lap and take the time to kiss you that you deserve. The bindings of clothing will melt away, that I may bask in the radiance of your body, taking my time to properly worship every inch of you. Your moans will be the sultry and sweet tones of a choir to the gods above. Oh, to have the taste of you on my lips again. May the entirety of Eos hear our love and have jealousy bloom in their hearts, knowing that you, the most beautiful and perfect human, nay, you must be a god yourself, is mine and mine alone!

Oh,I’m giddy for my return just imagining it.

My nights shall be lonely without you by my side, but know that I will stop at nothing to return to you. I have arranged everything, that you may want for naught until my return.

You have all of my heart, my beloved, my treasure, my starlight.

Your Beloved,

Ardyn

[deliverydefresas]

shape of you: bonus parts

I’ve been owing you these for months and i’m very sorry about that! thanks again to the anons who’ve reminded me you guys are the best!

there’s a couple more parts i have started writing but haven’t finished yet (one of them being the definite epilogue) so lets have our fingers crossed they’re done this year lmao 

i cant remember but it’s probs not proofread, sorry in advance

for all the previous parts click here  

                                                             💫

                                                             💫

MEETING FANS

They’d been going out on dates for a month before it hit Ámbar that she wasn’t dating a ‘normal’ person.

Simón had picked her up after her last class that Friday, telling her the guys – as he called his band- had invited them out for drinks so they could meet the girl who’d stolen his time and mind. She’d been reluctant at first, not really in the mood to go out after a long, stressed week of mid-terms, but Simón’s puppy face had become something she just couldn’t say no to.

They had dinner at their place first, ordering Chinese take-out as she let herself be questioned by Pedro and Nicolás. Simón’s friends weren’t as bad as she’d thought, talking mostly at Simón’s expense and sharing embarrassing details of the boy she’d been dating, as well as setting up ‘the talk’, warning her to not hurt their friend. Ámbar found it rather amusing; Pedro and Nico didn’t give the intimidating pose they tried to pull off, but a goofy, joking one, even if the underlying warning was there. Simón had shaken his head, telling her to ignore them, but she ended up promising she wouldn’t, more to their amusement than hers.

Eventually they hit one of the near-by bars close to their apartment, Simón’s hand firm on her waist and both of his friends backing them up through the crowd. It was a Friday night, so she wasn’t surprised to see that many people around, but she did wonder how they’d find a table to sit on with so many people around waiting for one as well, and whom, most likely, had been there longer than them.

It was when Nicolás disappeared for five minutes telling them he’d go talk to the manager, so they could be seated that it hit her.

It didn’t take long before the four of them had a table and drinks on their hands. If it had been her and her friends alone, they’d probably had to wait at least an hour before they could leave find seats available, but she was with her boyfriend, who happened to be in a famous band, and whose name had a weight heavier than she’d expected. It was a strange feeling, but she wasn’t going to lie and say she hated it. She didn’t love it, either, but she wasn’t about to complain when she was on heels. She also wasn’t shy to ask Nico what deal he’d to make.

The guy shrugged. “We just have to post a picture of us and tag the place. I’ll do that before we leave, I don’t wanna get mobbed today.” It sounded like it was nothing out of the norm, so she shrugged it off too, sipping on her mojito, waiting for them to carry on their conversation about writing sessions.

They’d only been on the bar for an hour before a girl around her age came up to them, interrupting Pedro’s question about her classes; she felt the weight of Simón’s arm around her shoulders fall, and she’d frowned at the missing contact. Her boyfriend threw her an apologetic smile before turning to the – clearly tipsy- girl, asking her if she needed anything.          

The girl started squealing how she was a big fan, and how she didn’t want to be a bother but that a picture with the guys would be a dream come true. Said guys all wore matching polite smiles – she wondered if they were practiced- and kindly told her they would if she didn’t post it right away, as they wanted to chill around for a bit more. The fan nodded multiple times, only turning to look at her to ask her if she could take the picture, her grin so big she was sure it hurt. The boys chatted her up for a total of five minutes, asking her standard questions before sending her off, begging her again not to post the picture right away. The girl said her goodbyes with shiny eyes and the biggest grin she had ever seen.

Ámbar would learn later that those were her favorite type of fans. The ones who were polite and only focused on the band, instead of those who’d throw distasteful glances at her whenever she was out with Simón, or those random people who clearly didn’t know who Simón and the rest were but wanted a picture anyway just to show they met them; she really couldn’t say those who tried to make a conversation with her were great, either, but that was mostly due to her inability to hold a conversation when all they wanted to talk about was Simón, how hot he was and how lucky she had been to snatch him up. She hated other girls objectifying him, and she hated that if affected her as much as it did.  

Her least favorite, though, were those who couldn’t take a no for answer; those who, even when the guys asked for them to give them a little of space, kept shoving their cameras on their faces. Her encounters with those were only a handful, but watching her boyfriend get harassed had proved to be too much for her, as two out those times, Antonio – the band’s manager- had to hold her back from behind to stop her from smacking some people’s faces.

In the end, however, a fan’s glee at finally meeting a person they admired so much was contagious, and 9 out of 10 times it left her with a smile on her face. It wasn’t easy, knowing that at one point or another, your boyfriend will prioritize strangers ahead of you, but she learnt to deal with it. Simón loved making other people happy, so the happy grin on his face whenever he met them was enough reason for her to bear it.

                                                            💫

READING ONLINE ABOUT HERSELF

They’d been dating around three months when the first picture of them appeared online.

It was blurry, clearly taken by someone who was trying their best to be sneaky and quick, a prominent zoom if the way it was noticeable pixilated was any tell.  

Sadly, it wasn’t blurry enough to couldn’t tell it was them. Simón’s face was fully displayed, laughing about something they were talking about, his arm around her while she rested her head on the crook of his neck, making only her profile visible. It’d been taken on one of their many lunch dates, half-eaten food in front of them told her so.

It went viral everywhere.

And so, the hunting for her identity begun. Every single media she knew of wanted to know her name, her age, where she studied – if she studied-, how they’d met and why he decided to date her. It escalated to the point of a magazine offering money for her information. Ámbar never felt luckier to go to a private university, where none of the people who knew her cared enough to sell her out.

Sadly, her relief lasted only a week. Simón was leaving the country to a meeting with their label when Emilia’s text reached her phone. ‘The cat is out of the bag; someone ratted you out’ following with the link of an article: ‘Meet Ámbar Smith: Simón Álvarez’ new flame’. Her breath caught on her throat, while her fingers flew to open the link. The more she read, the tighter her chest felt; they’d left no personal detail untold.

They knew her full name, they knew her age, her uni, what she was studying and the year she was on, that she was on a scholarship and had a nearly perfect GPA; that she lived with her mom and had a younger brother on his dad’s side, her mom’s job and her dad’s office. They knew she was a co-founder of The Fab and Chic, that it was her who’d interview him all those months ago, theorizing that was how they’d met and how long they’d been dating. They briefly mentioned his relationship with Matteo, too.  

Ámbar almost started screaming in the middle of the airport. As if Simón could feel her mood changing, he turned around from where he was talking to Pedro to ask her if something was wrong. He’d asked her at least five times what the problem was, but she just couldn’t speak. It wasn’t until Pedro – or was it Nico? She didn’t remember- opened twitter and showed him what was happening that Simón understood. That’d been the first time she saw him truly pissed off.

“How dare they?!” he’d growled, gripping the phone so hard his knuckles turned white. Someone must’ve told him she was still there, because then he turned to her, his arms holding her tight and his tone going down a few octaves, softer. “I’m so sorry, love. I will fix this, I promise I will.”

Her mind went back to the conversation she’d had with Emilia months ago, about how the exposure of the article could get her name out there, how she wished it would. But now, with her personal information, with her life, only a google search away from the public, she felt sick. “This can’t be happening.” She started mumbling, her mind a chaos. “How did they find out? Who could sell me out like this?” Only a couple of people knew what was told to the media, and all of them were trust-worthy. Either one of those people was scum, or the magazine was very good at stalking and digging up information.

“Baby, no. I’ll take care of it, okay? I’ll speak to Antonio and he’ll speak to our lawyer and we’ll see what we can do, alright? I’ll sue them if I can, make them delete it-”

That made her snap. “It’s all over the internet, Simón! Nothing ever gets completely deleted there! There must be thousands of screenshots already!” Even to her ears she sounded panicked. Her boyfriend’s face fell even more, and she felt worse.

Ámbar knew he’d do everything he could to make her happy. He’d proven that to her time and time again, he always asked first what she wanted to do, what she wanted to eat, which movies she wanted to watch, for him, it was always about her and her wishes. It was her who didn’t want to divulge their relationship just yet, and now, instead of his fans finding out their way, from their mouths, they’d found out by someone else’s. And it was her own fault.

That only pissed her more.

“What do you want to do?” he asked, grabbing her hand to push her to his body, encircling his arms around her waist. She took a deep breath, trying to sigh out her emotions.

“I’m sorry, I know you’re trying to help but I’m just- I’m so mad I just want blood to spill.”

“I understand.” He squeezed her waist slightly, “I’m serious, though. I can call Antonio and we can see how this can be… not as bad. I’ll sue them if that’s what you want.” She felt her heart swell with gratitude. As usual, though, she’d to ask him.

“Is that what you want?”

“This is about you, little gem. But yes, I do want to fight them on this. It’s not only your privacy being stepped on, but Silvana’s and your dad’s, too.”

“I want to know how they did this, and who did it. I want my parent’s info deleted as soon as possible, I don’t care about mine right now, but theirs I want gone.” Ámbar mumbled on his chest, knowing he’d hear it as his head was casted downwards, above hers.

She felt him nod. “I really am sorry, love.”

“Don’t be. I knew this would come sooner than later, and it was me who gave them time to collect my information, instead of me directing their moves.” She sighed out, mentally slapping herself for letting this pass by.

“It’s not your fault they’re assholes.” He tried to make her feel better. Ámbar just hugged him tighter. He held her for about a minute more, before excusing himself to call his manager and publicist and see what he could do.

An hour later, after Simón and his band’s flight had taken off, she’d received another text from her best friend. ‘He did it. It’s gone.’ She let out a sigh of relief.

But she wasn’t stupid. Ámbar knew this was only the beginning, and that, as much as she’d like, they wouldn’t be able to afford erasing every single article someone happened to write about her. It just wasn’t viable.

She did, however, promise herself that, the next time an article popped out about her, it’d be on her terms.

                                                            💫

GETTING PAPARAZZI’ED ON A DATE

It took the media another month before they got another photograph of them together.

Or, well, multiple pictures.

Simón had decided he wanted to take her to a ‘nice’ restaurant to celebrate the end of her semester. Ámbar knew this was also his way of coaxing her into going out for dates instead of the nights in she’d been convincing him to have at his apartment. It wasn’t that she was explicitly limiting them to stay inside the comfort – and privacy- of his home, but she wanted to take precautions in case anyone involved her parents again.

Whom, unsurprisingly, hadn’t heard of their info being leaked until she asked them if they were okay. Her mom had been taken off guard at first, wondering if she needed to change jobs or warn her boss about teenagers and grown men with a camera, but as soon as Simón told her it wasn’t necessary, and that he’d taken care of it, she’d dismissed the whole ordeal and asked her daughter’s boyfriend if he wanted to have dinner with them. Her dad wasn’t as chill. First, because he didn’t even know she was dating a famous band member, and second, he wasn’t thrilled she was exposing her life by dating one. He’d questioned her reasons, asking her if living in expectation of what the world had to say about her everyday was what she wanted, forever shadowed by her boyfriend’s name wherever she went.

She wasn’t proud to admit she’d snapped at him, throwing at his face that he’d left her mom raise her alone after she turned three, and that for that, he had no reason to butt in her relationship. She wasn’t even sure they were going to last, anyway. Nothing was set on stone when it came to relationships. In the end, he’d grunted out that he was okay and promised to call her if something happened, so she could talk to Simón and see what they could do. He also made Simón promise him he’d meet him soon. Ámbar still grimaced when she remembered how awkward that had been; her dad with his ‘hurt my daughter and die’ attitude, her dad’s wife all star-struck and giving out barely coherent responses to Simón’s questions, and her bored, not at all impressed brother making faces at his meal. She wanted to dig a hole and die.

Just like right now.

The dinner itself had gone splendid, the five-course meal always appreciated, especially when it came with a nice sized brownie and ice-cream scoop. She knew something was amiss when Simón asked for the check and the waiter told him it was taken care of. Not because it surprised her, but because it surprised him. She was used to Simón nodding, or even smiling when it happened. To see him frown, though, had her with her guard up.

“What’s wrong?” she whispered as she leaned to him, forcing him to look her way.

“I don’t know the owner, much less asked them to arrange this.” His voice sounded a little strangled, but he squeezed her thigh to not worry her.

“What does that mean?”

“I don’t know.” He huffed, squeezing once more before excusing himself to make a call. She was left alone at their table, confused. The waiter – who hadn’t left yet- seemed to be anxious, looking over his shoulder a couple of times as he waited for Simón to return. She forced herself to smile at him, even when all she wanted to do was to run to her boyfriend and demand an explanation. In the end, she chose to call for the guy’s attention. The waiter’s eyes widened in surprise, but still walked to her side.

“Do you know who arranged for this?”

He gulped. “I’m afraid I’m not allowed to tell you anything, miss.” Ámbar threw him a glare, the one she knew expressed she wasn’t going to take anyone’s bullshit. “The- uh, the manager might’ve arranged for a couple of photographers to come tonight-”

Her glare intensified. “Did my- Mr. Álvarez’ team agree to this?”

The guy loosened his tie a bit. “We uh- well, the calls weren’t returned.” She pursed her lips for a second, nodding as she stood up to look for Simón.

“I’m sure you’ll hear from them very soon.” She didn’t bother to excuse herself, and just walked away.

Ámbar found her boyfriend walking outside the bathrooms’ hallway, angrily whispering to whoever was on the other side. She called his name, making him snap his head her way; when his brain recognized it was her, he threw a hast goodbye to the phone and hung up.

“Love, I’m so sorry, I swear I didn’t know anything. The owner-” She raised her right hand, stopping him.

“I know, the waiter told me. What’s the plan?” Simón sighed heavily and got close enough so he could pull her to his body, encircling his arms around her. Something she’d learnt he tended to do when he was trying to comfort her, and his own anger.

“There’s only a couple of them out there, two or three, max. It’s not enough for Antonio to send someone over, and since this place collides with another building on the back, we can’t go out from there either. Both the principal exit and the emergencies one, are on the front.” He sighed again, the air hitting her neck, making her shudder. He must’ve mistaken it for fear, because he pulled her closer, cradling her head between his hands. “I promise I won’t let them publish anything. If I must pay them the double whoever called them over did, I will, princess… or I could go out alone and call you when-”

That made her scowl. “Don’t call me princess.” He smiled, knowing well she was only kidding – partially. Then it was her turn to sigh. “You don’t have to pay them anything, Simón. I can’t keep letting you waste your money to keep them off my back, it’s not fair. I- I think we should just… get it out of our way.”

“I don’t mind-”

She interrupted him. “I know you don’t mind wasting that money, but I do. I’m ready to take that step, Simón. I want to. Unless you see us breaking up soon – which, by the way, I don’t- there’s absolutely no reason to keep us hidden.”

He stared at her for a moment, before the biggest smile she’d seen on his face, appeared. “I don’t see us breaking up soon, either. Hopefully never.” Ámbar rolled her eyes.

“Now, don’t get too ahead on me yet.” His only response was to attach his lips to hers. He kissed her once, softly, pulling back slightly to breath heavily before kissing her again. This time he let his tongue roam over the ridges of her lips, and it took everything in her not to open her mouth to allow his tongue to meet hers; they were still in public, whether she wanted it or not. So, she let their lips part briefly, to then kiss him again, soft and gentle, before pulling away completely. “As nice as that was, we still have to deal with the problem here, buttchin.”

Simón pouted, showing off his chin dimple – aka, the reason of his nickname-. “Don’t call me that.”

She rolled her eyes again, smirking playfully, and grabbed his hand. “C’mon, I want to go home and kiss you some more.” He was quick to drop the pout.

“Should I pay for our meal? I don’t want anything from them.” She shook her head, lacing her fingers with his as they walked to the entrance.    

“And give them free publicity? Hell no. Just talk to Antonio and have them pay you back.” When she saw their waiter and a man approaching them, she glared at them, a deep scowl on her face, warning them to stay away. If she was going to allow this to happen, she didn’t want to do it angry. And talking to the person who had put her in the situation would surely anger her up.

As he helped her put her coat on, he took the opportunity to whisper on her ear a couple of instructions. “If you don’t want to show your whole face just keep your head down, grab my hand tightly and I’ll guide us to the car once it’s brought to us. I’ll chat them up and, if we’re lucky, they’ll just take a couple of pictures with the restaurant as our background. If you feel uncomfortable squeeze my hand tightly. If they ask me something and you’re okay with me answering, squeeze my hand once, twice if it’s a negative, okay?” By the time he’d finished talking he was already putting his own coat on. She merely nodded, offering her hand so he’d take it again. He counted to ten before walking them outside.

True to his word, there were only three men outside waiting for them. Ámbar was quick to lower her eyes, hiding half of her body with his as she leaned her forehead on his right shoulder. It was in times like this when she was thankful her boyfriend was tall enough so even if she was in heels, she could still use him as a shield.

“Good evening!” he chirped out, and she could bet all the money on the world he was faking a grin. They all chorused his greeting, asking him if he was okay with answering a couple of questions as they took their pictures. She squeezed his hand once. “Sure! What do you want to know?” his tone was cheerful, and polite.

“Did you two have a nice time?” one of the men asked, and Ámbar could hear the flashes going off. She squeezed once again.

“I had the best company, so yes.”

“Your girlfriend’s a beauty.” Another of them offered, making Simón squeeze her hand this time. She squeezed back.

It took him a second to respond, a little less cheery, but still polite. “She is, thank you.”

“How long have you two been dating? Some people had thought you had broken up after no one had seen you out for weeks.” The first men spoke again, his curiosity clear as water.    

Ámbar gripped his hand once, sending a silent prayer to the skies for whoever was bringing his car to hurry. “A while. I think you can imagine why we laid low the last month.” His answer was enough for them to get the hint. They moved the topic to his album, getting two more questions before the sound of an engine told her his car had arrived. “I’m afraid we have to go now. Thank you, gentlemen. Have a nice evening.” Her boyfriend started walking again, leading her to the passenger side and opening the door for her, as usual. For the first time, she didn’t look back at him to thank him. Instead, she kept her head low, letting her hair fall to cover her profile. He was quick to get into his side.

It wasn’t until they had drove off for a couple of streets, that she looked up again, letting a long, heavy sigh leave her lips. Simón grabbed her hand again, kissing the back of it comfortingly.

She sighed again. Wishfully hoping for it to get easier, even if she knew tonight was nothing compared to other times she’d seen other people deal with paparazzies.  

They’d gotten lucky tonight, who knew what it’d happen from now?  

[livingthroughchoices-blog]

The Marshmallow Chronicles (Ch. 13: Hunting for Love)

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Author’s notes: Hi! Sorry this took so long! As I told a lovely anon, I had been working on it for a while and it was deleted so I had to recover from the frustration. 

Thanks to the people who like, reblog and/or comment. You guys are the reason I’ve kept going <3 Huge thanks to @starstruckzonkoperatorbat, @notoriouscs, @simplyaiden-blog, @snyggflicka, @asprankle, @speedyoperarascalparty, @mirivalencia, @mymandrake and @asobigokoro2018 for asking me to tag them!

Love you guys <3

Rating: T

Pairing: Drake x MC

Words: 5,943

Drake retired to his room early, not feeling up to enjoying the festivities. 

God, this sucks. I have to get this under control. Am I just gonna feel like shit all the time now?

Out of a sense of self-preservation he reflected he should probably keep his distance from Riley for the foreseeable future. He was shocked to realize that the thought of not being around her was more painful than seeing her with Liam. 

I guess I do want Adams to be a part of my life...

He flopped down unto his bed, trying to think of something that could distract him, when he felt his phone vibrate twice in his pocket. 

He pulled it out and read, “Hey, Drake! Where did you run off to?”

And then a separate message, “It’s Addams 😊”

His stomach did a somersault, seeing her call herself the nickname he called her. He’d already known it was her; Liam had given him her number “just in case”, as he put it, but Drake could never bring himself to text her. It would have felt like an even greater betrayal of Liam’s friendship. He had, however, spent more time than he cared to admit with his fingers hovering over the keyboard, staring at her picture and holding himself back from typing. 

“You know me, Addams, always sneaking off”

“Yeah, but you could’ve asked me to come with you ☹️“

Right, like she wasn’t having fun with Liam. 

He was wondering whether there was a way to phrase that so it was less obvious how bitter he was and then she texted again.

“You’re welcome btw”

“For what?”

He noticed she was already typing the moment he sent it. He was glad she didn’t play games with texting, didn’t wait long to reply, didn’t mind double-texting.

“For not making you my court jester! You would’ve looked cute in that cap tho lol”

“Funny. So why didn’t you?”

“Well, you only made that bet to motivate me”

The three dots were still on the screen so he waited. She seemed to be thinking especially hard about this text, as she took inordinately long typing it. Drake’s palms were sweating.

“And... tbh, as soon as they said a cup-bearer is someone you trust I knew I had to say you”

Drake was thankful he couldn’t choke or stutter through texts. He threw his phone on the bed and put his head under his pillow, completely overwhelmed. He couldn’t stop smiling, yet he felt close to tears at the same time. 

Pull it together, man.

He took a few breaths to steady himself and grabbed his phone. He caught a glimpse of his dopey smile reflected on his phone’s dark screen before he unlocked it. 

“You’re making me blush, Addams”

“You’re going soft on me, Drake ;)”

“Hey, thanks. I trust you too”

“No prob, I’ll have plenty of chances to beat your ass lol”

He could practically see her smirk.

“Ha, we’ll see about that”

“Well, I'd better go to bed, my alarm clock is waaay too chipper in the mornings”

“Is being queen even worth Maxwell waking you up every day?”

“I’m starting to doubt it haha”

He knew she was kidding, but he still couldn’t help the stupid, senseless hope he felt at that.

She texted once more, “Thanks for everything, Drake, I mean it. See you tomorrow?”

“Any time :) see you tomorrow”

He set his alarm for the next morning feeling a little more optimistic. That was it, he just had to find the right balance with Riley. He could give her a break, for starters. Since his feelings would not be ignored, he could use them to be nicer and act like a real friend to her, for a change. Yes, instead of wallowing in his unrequited crush, he would try to grow and improve through this. 

With this in mind, he turned the lights off and went to sleep.

The next day he got up unusually early, determined to be a better version of himself. He started by finding Liam, who was enjoying a rare quiet moment in the stables.

“Hey, Liam!”

“Drake! This is a pleasant surprise! What brings you here so early?”

“I don’t know, we haven’t hung out in a while and I thought...” he trailed off. 

I really have to get better at this friendship thing.

Liam looked touched, so much so that Drake felt his embarrassment grow.

“I’d like nothing better! How are you? Any news of Savannah?”

“Nothing. Radio silence. And her trail’s gone cold so...” he sighed.

Liam put a supportive hand on his shoulder, “Listen, if there’s anything I can do, all you have to do is ask. I’ve asked Bastien to look into it, but he seems to have a lot on his plate lately.”

“Oh, so it’s not just me?”

“That he’s been short with?”

“Short? More like a dick! Do you know he yelled at me yesterday for no reason?”

Liam raised a skeptical eyebrow, “No reason?”

“Okay, so I teased him a little but Liam, I swear, it was nothing compared to the pranks we used to pull on him!”

Liam chuckled. “Remember when we locked him out of the training room?”

“Or when we put those balloons behind the door?” Drake snorted.

“He was so startled when they popped he pulled out his gun!”

“Yeah, in retrospect I can see how that was actually pretty dangerous and not super fun for him,” admitted Drake, though he was still chuckling.

“It was very irresponsible,” agreed Liam. “We should really show him some sort of appreciation soon, especially if he is under pressure.”

“Good idea, but you should leave that to me; you’ve got enough shit to do.”

“Do I? Other than choosing a queen for Cordonia and my lifelong partner, my schedule is wide open,” Liam joked.

They heard footsteps getting nearer and Drake peeked out to see King Constantine approaching the stables. That’s my cue.

“I’d better take Morello, then.” He strode to one of the stalls, where a jet black horse whinnied excitedly. “Hey, boy.” He led him gently outside, grabbing a saddle on his way back to Liam. “Well, if there’s any way I can help you, just say the word.” Drake clapped his back.

“I know, Drake, thank you.”

Drake waved goodbye and exited, his horse walking behind him. He briefly stopped to give the King a perfunctory bow. He ambled around the grounds, at peace for the first time in what seemed like ages. He’d missed Liam’s company. He was used to long periods of only seeing each other for quick conversations, but lately, his once-easy friendship had felt anything but. Now, with a clearer mind and knowing what he intended to do about his silly crush, it all seemed as simple as it used to be. 

In a secluded spot, he saddled Morello. He caressed its muzzle and the horse nickered affectionately. “I missed you, too, buddy. It’s been busy around here, you know? Busier than usual. New people and everything.”

He scratched behind its ears, lost in thought. He looked back towards the stables and saw most of the group already mounted. “All right, seems like everyone’s on their horses. You ready?” 

Morello neighed, which Drake took as a yes. He swung expertly onto his saddle and took the reins. “Now listen, if there’s ever been a time when we gotta look good, it’s this one, okay?”

The horse snorted and Drake patted its neck. 

Nothing wrong with trying to impress the suitors. It’s not like I’m making a move or anything. I just want her to know I’m good at something.

He directed Morello at a slow gait toward the others. He’d decided to stay in the back, should anyone need any help. 

Nobles don’t tend to be good at much. 

He smiled a little, remembering when Tariq had gotten his foot tangled in the stirrup a few years ago and sighed contentedly. 

Yeah, today might be a good day.

He saw Riley up ahead and had already raised his hand to urge Morello forward with the reins, then thought better of it. 

You’ll go up to her if it’s natural. Stop forcing it.

He settled in the last spot. After a few minutes of riding at a ridiculously slow pace, his gaze started drifting more and more often towards Riley, until he was fully staring at her. 

I’m such a creep. 

Try as he might, though, he couldn’t help looking at her, the shapes her lips made when she talked or smiled, how beautifully her hair moved in the breeze... 

I’m gonna make myself sick.

She was currently having what looked like a surprisingly civil conversation with Olivia. 

Yuck. She’s such a better person than I am.

A few minutes later, Hana was the one to approach her.

Lovesick idiots that we are. 

He shook his head fondly at Hana. 

God, I hope you come out of this better than me, kid.

Hana moved back to talk to the rest of the suitors. At the same time, Drake noticed Lady Kiara trying to catch his eye and ignored her as politely as he could. 

Out of desperation – fine, and also because I really, really want to talk to her – he called out to Riley, “Addams!”

She turned towards him, grinning. He returned her smile and waved her over. She immediately slowed down and let others pass her until she was at the back with Drake. He was pleasantly surprised at how well she commanded her horse. 

Okay, here we go. Friends. We’re gonna be friends.

“There you are. You look like you actually know how to ride a horse.” 

That’s something a friend would say, right?

One of Riley’s hands flew to her mouth in mock surprise. “Oh my gosh, opening with a compliment?”

“Careful, don’t want you falling off your horse now.” Drake smirked, though he still regarded her uneasily. 

Friends worry about their friends!

“I’m surprised you’re out here with all the nobles today.” It was phrased like a statement, but there was a question behind it. 

Well, obviously the truth is out of the question. 

“Turns out, I had an opening in my schedule today.” He grinned. “And there’s something oddly satisfying about watching nobles fuss over their stuffy blazers.”

Riley giggled. “Is this why you’re not frowning... as much as usual, anyway.”

Drake didn’t know whether to shake her or kiss her. 

It’s you! You’re the reason! Okay, how do I make that friend-appropriate? 

“It has more to do with the company I keep.” That was probably the most sincere he’d been in the past year.

“A second compliment!” This time, Riley didn’t pretend to be shocked, she actually was. Her eyes shone as she looked at Drake, delighted.

“One more and you win the jackpot,” he winked. 

If only I could actually give her anything.

“I hope it’s all your whiskey,” she teases.

It was Drake’s turn to act horrified. She pushed his shoulder and he smiled with a sigh.

“You know, when we first met, I wanted to dislike you so badly...” He was not sure why he was saying this. 

I guess I want our friendship to start on a clean slate.

Riley’s eyes were wide. “You WANTED to dislike me? Why?”

Of course she finds it unbelievable that anyone could dislike her, cocky jerk. 

He smiled to himself.

“You were crashing Liam’s bachelor party! It was supposed to be our last night out together before all of this... We’ve always been like brothers, doing everything together...” He thought of that morning, how spending a few minutes with him had felt like a privilege. 

“Now I’m lucky to see him for five minutes without a noble girl throwing herself in front of him,” he finished bitterly. 

After a moment of silence, he realized she might think he meant her and hurriedly apologized, “Sorry. I didn’t mean...”

She put her hand on his for a second, her eyes understanding, “I know what you meant.”

Drake could not comprehend how the smallest of her gestures could calm him, make him feel better, like he mattered. 

I have to stop getting so pathetically emotional over every little thing she does. 

He cleared his throat. “Anyway, I know we got off to a bad start, but somewhere along the way... things changed.” 

Okay, stop it right there or you might go too far. 

“Hell, Addams, I don’t even know why I’m telling you any of this.” He rubbed a hand on his face, embarrassed at this outpouring of honesty.

Riley spoke, “Drake, I wanted to dislike you too.”

He looked up from his hands, taken by surprise, although he had no reason to be. “You did?”

“Yeah, I mean, you were a total jerk to me!” 

Understatement of the year.

“But now...”

Drake hated how his voice practically trembled with hope, “Now?”

“It took time... but I figured out that you’re actually human under all those scowls,” she poked him.

Of course. She barely even sees me as a friend, how could I have thought... Well, it doesn’t matter, being friends is already more than I deserve after the way I treated her.

He spotted Liam with his parents ahead. 

There’s someone else I need to be better to.

“This has all been touching, but I need to rescue Liam from his family for a couple minutes.”

He heard Riley utter a small “Oh” as he rode ahead, and felt a twinge of guilt coupled with that insufferable emotion he’d been feeling constantly as of late, hope.

He reached them just in time to hear Queen Regina sing the praises of Madeleine, much to Liam’s apparent chagrin.

“Do you see what I am saying, Liam? Wouldn’t you agree that she is the superior choice?”

“She would certainly make an excellent monarch, son,” chimed in the King.

“She is a lady with many merits, yes,” replied Liam diplomatically.

“So is she the suitor you are most leaning towards, then?” prodded the Queen.

“I–I...”

“Liam!” Drake called, startling the three monarchs, who had been so absorbed in their conversation they had not noticed his arrival. “Wanna race ahead?”

“Loser does 30 push-ups!” Liam exclaimed, already urging his horse forward.

Liam was, of course, an accomplished rider. There really weren’t any rich people things you could afford to be bad at when you were a royal. However, Drake had spent more time in the stables than he had. And so, despite Liam’s exceptional instruction, he didn’t share the bond that Drake and Morello did. 

All this to say, by the time Liam caught up with him, Drake had time to pretend to be looking at an imaginary watch on his wrist.

“Liam, Liam, Liam,” he said, with shakes of his head. “You’ve really got me to thank for your abs, you know that, right?”

Liam chuckled. “That’s my secret; I lose on purpose so I can stay in shape.”

Drake snorted. “You keep telling yourself that, buddy.”

“Drake, thanks for that.” Liam’s relief was palpable.

Drake sobered. “No problem. You looked like you’d rather be at the bottom of the canyon so...”

Liam gave a humorless laugh. “Not quite, but almost. I don’t think they understand that I’m conflicted enough as it is.”

Drake perked up at this, “Are you? I... thought it was a done deal. That you were choosing Riley, that is.”

Liam shushed him. “Not so loud!” He ran his fingers through his hair. “What can I say? In my heart, it is, but unfortunately that is not nearly enough.”

Drake’s heart sank. 

Even if he doesn’t choose her, he’s in love with her. And he’s your best friend.

“Stop worrying so much, man, what’s that gonna do? Look, let’s just enjoy the feast today, huh? You still have a few events left to decide. Not to mention a Beaumont party to look forward to!”

“I’ll try. Although I must say, I am definitely looking forward to that! Their parties are really unparalleled.”

“That they are.”

He and Liam rode on in companionable silence until they reached the mountain village. It was charming and rustic, with its little cabins and huts surrounding a vast filed in which long tables had been set out, laden with food.

Once everyone had gathered round, King Constantine welcomed them, “Everyone, we’ve reached our hunting lodges. Our forebears would dine on the day’s hunt here, and though we no longer hunt, we will still have a great feast. But first, we race to celebrate our ancestors. The first to reach Prince Liam will be served first at the feast! Begin!”

Drake was torn between wishing he could participate – he was starving – and excitement at seeing the suitors race and possibly make a fool out of themselves. Except Hana, obviously. And Riley, he hoped... though that would provide an incredible opportunity to tease her.

No. Friends don’t want their friends to look dumb. 

He needn’t have chided himself, for Riley did well. She didn’t win – predictably, it was Hana who did – but she did a good job for her first time, in Drake’s opinion.

An image popped up in his mind, uninvited, of himself teaching Riley how to ride properly. They were all smiles and laughter... 

Stop it, brain.

He forced himself to concentrate on what King Constantine was saying, “That’s superb horsemanship in action. Servants, prepare the first plate for Lady Hana. Now, then. Let’s all take some time to rest. Dinner will begin shortly.”

The crowd broke into smaller, more relaxed groups. He dismounted Morello and tied him to the hitching rail where all the other horses were drinking water and chewing on oats or grazing. He saw Riley talking to Tariq, weirdly. Liam was engaged in conversation with Olivia – no, thanks – and then he spotted Maxwell and Hana.

“Congratulations, Hana! That was some riding,” he admired as he approached them.

“Yeah, you kicked ass!” Maxwell agreed enthusiastically.

She blushed, “Thank you. I am glad I could put something my parents made me learn to use. If only to eat first.” 

“I think that’s the best prize you could get, I’m starving! Right, Maxwell?”

Maxwell was looking out at Riley, who was talking to Liam, with an uncharacteristically pensive expression on his face.

Drake waved a hand in front of his face. “Maxwell? Everything okay, man?”

“Wha–? Oh. Yeah, yeah, everything’s fine.”

“Sure.” Drake eyed him suspiciously and shared a puzzled look with Hana, who broke the tension.

“Why don’t we go see what they’re up to?” 

The three of them walked over to Liam and Riley. Liam was, as Drake had come to expect, smiling widely, completely engrossed in whatever Riley was saying.

“Hey, the feast is being put out.” Drake pointed out when they’d joined the pair.

“And they’ve got dishes supposedly blessed by the spirits of the nearby ruins,” Maxwell informed them.

Hana’s face instantly lit up. “Oooh! I’ve heard legends about those ruins! They sound magical. People travel from all around just to see them.”

“It’s a shame we’re not scheduled to see them,” Liam frowned.

Thank God! Bunch of old rocks.

Hana’s face fell as fast as it had brightened before. “We aren’t? I was so hoping to...”

Maxwell put a comforting arm around her shoulders and suggested, “Why don’t we just go anyway? Sounds like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!”

A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to miss out on delicious food, maybe. 

“Are you sure we should?” Hana asked, cautiously eager.

No!

“It’d be nice to spend some time together without this crowd around,” Liam said. As always, he turned directly to Riley and asked, “What do you say, Riley?”

Riley had that familiar mischievous look she got when she was ready to break the rules. “Let’s have an adventure!”

Drake came close to protesting this decision, until he noticed that her face was practically glowing with excitement. 

Fiiine, I’ll go. Crushes are so stupid. 

He shook his head at himself but kept quiet, not wanting to spoil the others’ fun.

“Alright!” Maxwell fist-pumped.

“I’m excited to visit another piece of Cordonian history,” gushed Hana.

Liam took the lead and gestured for them to come. “Follow me. I know how to get there.”

They walked away from the crowded field and into the adjacent forest. At least this I can enjoy. Drake took in the lush trees, the leave-strewn path they were following and the mysteriously soothing sounds of nature surrounding them. He tried to see if he could spot any forest creatures, but aside from a few shuddering bushes, he didn’t see any; they had probably been spooked by the humans’ presence.

He breathed in deeply, feeling a bit better, despite the hunger. He realized he’d been walking next to Maxwell, who had been quiet the whole time. 

What the hell?!

“Hey, Maxwell, you know I’m not buying that ‘everything’s fine’ bullshit, right?”

“What? Why? Everything is–”

“Stop it. Tell me what’s wrong.”

Maxwell sighed. “Okay. I need someone’s opinion on this, anyway. You know how I’m sponsoring Riley?”

“You can skip the intro, Maxwell, I am the same guy who’s been here for everything,” Drake rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, sorry.” Maxwell was cracking his knuckles nonstop at this point. Drake grabbed his arms and forced him to stop.

“What is it? It can’t be that bad.”

“It’s not bad, it’s complicated. Riley might not be sure about this whole thing anymore.”

Maxwell looked so conflicted that Drake put an arm around his shoulders and said, “Well, being queen is a big deal, dude! Don’t worry, I’m sure she’ll come around!”

“It’s not that. Or at least, not just that. It’s... it’s Liam, too.”

Drake almost stopped walking and had to remind his feet to keep going.

Maxwell kept talking and Drake listened to him half-heartedly. “So I don’t know what to because on the one hand, she’s my friend now. I don’t want to force her to do anything she doesn’t want to! Especially something so big! And I know she feels pressured... I mean, who wouldn’t, with Bertrand? But on the other hand, House Beaumont desperately needs a win, now more than ever... er, for no particular reason.”

Drake was busy trying to calm his buzzing thoughts. 

She’s not sure about Liam! Could it be that–? 

No. There’s no way it’s because of you!

You can’t know that!

So what? Even if it is, you think she’s gonna give up a kingdom? 

His internal argument was interrupted by Maxwell taking a huge breath and continuing, “And then there’s Liam; he really, really likes her and he probably thinks she likes him back and I know it’s not my place to tell him but I feel terrible.”

Right. Liam. You couldn’t do that to your best friend, either way.

There was no argument there.

“Drake? Are you going to say anything or...?”

“Oh, uh, yeah! I don’t think there’s that much to say except, Addams is going to choose whatever she chooses, okay? Even if Bertrand is pressuring her, she’ll do whatever she wants; she’s stubborn like that,” he smiled fondly. “And I guess you gotta trust that she knows.”

“Knows what?”

“Well, that she understands both the reason you brought her here in the first place and that you’re her friend. I’m sure she’ll do whatever she can to help House Beaumont and be happy. She’s one of those people that always finds a way, you know what I mean?”

“I do and I hope you’re right.”

“Psh, when am I not?”

Maxwell pushed him away. “When you said I wouldn’t dare ask the Queen to breakdance with me.”

Drake snorted, “You got me there. I underestimated how inappropriate you can be. And this is from a commoner.”

“I still think she secretly wanted to.”

“Right, maybe she just needed a few more glasses of champagne. Why don’t you try again at the next Beaumont party?”

“Don’t think I won’t.”

They spent the rest of the way laughing and coming up with stupid plans to get the Queen to breakdance.

“Here we are,” Liam announced from ahead of them.

The group moved forward out of the trees and into a clearing. Imposing, mossy stone ruins littered the place, most of them unrecognizable as buildings after so long.

“It’s so beautiful and serene,” Hana breathed out.

Without distractions, Drake’s hunger had returned with a vengeance. “Yep... sure are a bunch of old things here,” he shrugged.

Liam shook his head at him. “It’s so much more than that. There’s something so calm about this place. Can’t you sense it?”

They stood there for a few seconds, their own silence swallowed by the noises made by thousands of bugs and other small critters accustomed to their solitude.

As he’d come to expect, Maxwell broke their silence first, “The only thing I sense is about a million snakes and probably a couple of rock monsters getting ready to attack us.”

Hana’s eyes widened. “Rock monsters? Do you have any rock monsters in Cordonia?”

“It was a joke... just forget it.” Maxwell sighed in defeat.

“I want to find some ghosts,” said Riley, putting her arms up in a “spooky” stance.

“Ghosts?” Hana looked worried, again.

“Maybe one will tell me my future,” piped up Maxwell

That’s not how ghosts work.

“Or devour your soul,” Drake replied in a creepy voice.

Riley shot him a look, “Drake.”

He smiled at her and shrugged. “I’m just saying, that is the likelier outcome!”

“Since some of us,” said Riley pointedly, “seem determined not to take this seriously, why don’t we split up? That way we can all explore however we want.”

“Or not explore,” grumbled Drake.

Riley rolled her eyes at him.

They went their separate ways. Too hungry to be curious, Drake found a rock that looked like it might be halfway comfortable and slumped against it. 

Hana’s already quiet footsteps were further muffled by the leaves and dirt, so he jumped when she addressed him, “Hi, Drake.”

“Hana! You scared the crap outta me!”

She giggled, “Sorry! I didn’t mean to.”

“Yeah, well, next time clear your throat or something.”

“Understood.” 

She slumped – somehow making it look graceful – next to him. 

“So how are you?”

“Same old. Acting like a dumb teenager with a crush, you?”

“Me too... although I never got to be a ‘dumb teenager’ so I wouldn’t know.”

“What are you gonna do about it? I just... I have no idea how to act or what to say or not to say.”

“I don’t think I’ll do anything about it at all. I am here as a suitor and that is something I must keep in mind. Not only that, but she’s my best friend... I don’t think I am prepared to risk our friendship.”

“Well, at least you have some sort of claim, you know? She’s your best friend. I’m... what? Her boyfriend’s best friend?” He scoffed.

They settled into a gloomy silence until Drake spoke again. “For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’d be risking your friendship. If she doesn’t... feel the same way, I’m sure she’ll understand.”

Hana thought about it for a long moment. “You may be right. I’m not certain I’ll have the courage, though.”

“Are you kidding? You came here from so far away and you’ve tried so many new things; of course you do! You have more guts that Liam, Maxwell and I combined. With Addams you might be evenly matched,” he chuckled.

Hana smiled. “Thank you, Drake. I only wish there was a way this could end favorably for everybody.”

Drake didn’t think that needed an answer. They all wished that. Hana patted his shoulder and left as quietly as she’d come.

Almost as soon her barely audible footsteps receded, Drake heard somebody else approach.

“Hey, Addams,” he greeted her.

She stood in front of him. “You look like you’re having a good time exploring,” she said with an arched eyebrow.

Drake grimaced. “Archaeology isn’t really my thing.” 

Plus, I’m fucking hungry. Bordering on hangry.

“You could at least look around.” Riley gestured at the ruins. “It’s not like you come here often.”

“I looked around. There’s some old buildings. That’s about it.”

What happened to being friendlier, dammit?

“Hmm...” Riley considered what he’d said as if he’d actually made and interesting point instead of just sarcastic whining. 

“Don’t you want to know where you come from? And what about insight into how people lived long ago?” 

She sounded so fascinated it was almost enough to get Drake interested. Almost. “They could’ve ridden dragons for all I care. It doesn’t mean much now.” 

There’s enough shit going on in the present, and shit to worry about in the future. Why look at the past?

He could see Riley was getting tired of his attitude. 

Hell, so am I. 

She put her hands on her hips. “So why did you come out here if you don’t really care for these sorts of things?”

Because you looked adorably excited about it? 

As had become common for him, he went with a different version of the truth, “I don’t think we’re going to get many more times like this.”

Riley tilted her head, “Like what?”

“I mean... Liam is going to be king soon.” He swallowed painfully. “And you could very well be his queen. Everything’s going to change.” He bit the inside of his cheek and looked down. What was he going to do the day of the Coronation if he could barely handle the thought?

To his surprise, Riley’s next words were, “You know, you’re right.” 

He looked up to see a fierce look on her face, “We don’t need to associate with the riff-raff. I mean, really, what could you even provide for us? A sense of grounding and humility?”

Drake shook his head but couldn’t help smiling a little. “I see what you’re trying to do here. It’s not going to work.”

“Or maybe someone to sneak us out of the palace? Why would we want that when we’re drinking champagne and shaking ambassadors’ hands?”

She sounds so sure. There’s no way Maxwell’s right, he probably misunderstood. She’s gonna be queen. 

His stomach clenched and he had to make an effort to focus on their back and forth.

“Yeah, yeah. Keep on punching down.”

Riley’s voice softened and she stepped closer. “Or maybe we’ll need a reminder that no matter how tough someone may seem on the outside, there’s a big, lovable softie on the inside.”

“Hey!”

She put her hands on both his shoulders and gave him a goofy smile. “Come on, Drake. There’s a smile inside you somewhere.”

Drake gave up and smiled with a laugh. “You’re the worst, Addams.”

“Would you have me any other way?”

She’s gonna make me say something I’ll regret if she keeps asking those questions. Fuck no, I wouldn’t have you any other way. You’re amazing.

“Addams... We may have had some ups and downs between us, but I want you to know that I’ve enjoyed this little adventure with you. Not just the ruins, but the whole thing since I walked into your bar in New York.” 

He looked her straight in the eyes and tried to say something nice in the least romantic way possible. “You’re... you’re not bad.”

Riley seemed more moved by that than he’d expected. 

Maybe she understands I mean so much more than that. 

“Awww, Drake, I care for you too.”

Goddamn. I care so fucking much and I can’t stop.

“Addams... I...”

Don’t say anything. Think of Liam.

He shook his head and sighed. He let himself meet her eyes; there was such an intense, yet soft look in them. He felt his gaze slowly make its involuntary way down to her lips. He couldn’t remember wanting anything as badly.

“You’re something else...” he choked out. 

He heard her inhale sharply through her lips. She blushed, breaking their eye contact and putting her arms down.

I went too far.

“Now, we really need to get you out of here before you completely lose it.” The conversation was light-hearted again. “All this reflecting isn’t healthy for you.”

“You’re right. If I stay much longer, I might melt into a big ball of mush,” he shuddered. He had to stop putting himself in these situations; he’d come so close to saying or doing something he shouldn’t...

“Let’s go find the others.” He started walking towards the edge of the forest without looking back. Everyone else was already there.

“That was lovely,” said Liam.

“There weren’t any ghosts,” Maxwell complained.

“Why are you sad about that?” Hana seemed to grow more confused by Maxwell the more she knew him.

He shrugged, “I don’t know, I’m kind of curious what a ghost would have to say. Would’ve made a good story.”

“You can always lie. I’ll back you up,” offered Drake.

“There’s an idea!” he exclaimed.

Unexpectedly, Riley wrung her hands nervously, “Maxwell, please don’t tell me any ghost stories.”

“I won’t tell it to you. You’ll be a supporting character in the story.” 

“Do I survive?” she asked with hope.

“No.”

“Aww...”

“Hah,” Drake mocked her.

Maxwell put an arm around Riley and reassured her, “Drake is the first to die, though.”

“Hey!”

Liam chuckled along with everyone but Drake, and then said, “Alright, everyone. It’s time to head out.”

Riley took one last look at the ruins, sounding resigned, “These ruins were bigger than I thought.”

“Could’ve used an open bar in my opinion,” muttered Drake.

Maxwell, who apparently was almost as hungry as Drake, urged them on, “The feast is waiting for us back at the village! Let’s go!”

“That’s the best idea you’ve ever had. Including sponsoring Addams,” said Drake, earning him a push from Riley.

The walk back to the field seemed much longer to Drake, eager as he was for something to eat. 

When they eventually reached the banquet tables, he was relieved to find them still heaping with food; he’d been anxious it would all be gone by the time they returned.

“Wow... That’s a lot of meat!” Riley’s mouth was watering as she looked at the many cloches piled with different types of roasted meats.

“It’s not exactly a feast without it.” Drake said this as he loaded his plate with everything he could reach.

“A little more fruit couldn’t hurt,” Hana murmured, eyeing the comparatively few options a little sadly.

“I wouldn’t mind putting a bunch of fruit on a stake and waving it around like a sword.” Maxwell was already looking around the tables, trying to find something stake-like.

“Alright, let’s grab our food before Maxwell gets any other crazy ideas,” Drake interrupted.

Maxwell spotted a watermelon and grinned. “And then I could wear a watermelon as a helmet...” He smirked. “I’d be unstoppable.”

Drake had to forcibly remove Maxwell from the table before he could carry out any of his plans. Riley got him a bit of everything – except for watermelon – and brought both her and Maxwell’s plates to where Liam and Hana were already sitting. 

Maxwell revealed a champagne bottle he’d managed to swipe from the table before Drake took him away. 

“I’ll go get glasses!” Hana volunteered, and darted to the table to get five of them.

Maxwell popped the champagne and poured some for everyone. He then stood up and raised his glass.

“A toast to all of us and to our friendship!”

“To friendship!” chirped Hana.

“Ugh... to friendship,” agreed Drake reluctantly. 

It’s only all I’ve thought about today.

Liam smiled at them all and said, “To friendship.”

“To friendship!” exclaimed Riley.

They clinked their glasses and drank. 

Damn, if I didn’t get lucky with these people.

[comebacknow]

regarding tdc, some things i’d like to remind everyone about:

EDIT: this was supposed to be like 6 bullet points and then i ended up describing basically every little detail of the movie, so there’s that.

1. that elaborate opening plan that brought everyone back - Frypan hopping out of hiding, harriette pointing a gun at the berg pilot’s head, etc. they all did that!

2. “How’s it looking, Newt?” “Don’t rush me.” SNARKY!NEWT !!!! I refuse to let this little line go unnoticed and under the radar. i want everyone to remember it.

3. vince just being an overall badass and risking his life for all these kids!! that jump onto the train car! hell yes!

4. the newtmas hug on top of the train car you all saw it

5. ARIS’ FACE?? He fought back so hard! And even though they’re not a big part of the main story, aris harriett and sonya reuniting was so sweet! i want more stories about them

6. Thomas’ utter distraught at realizing minho isn’t on the train and having to break the news to newt but barely being able to say the words

7. vince’s rallying speech about fighting back

8. thomas sneaking off because he doesn’t want to risk any more lives, but newt and frypan Just Knowing it’s exactly something he would do, so they’re already waiting for him (in the dark and everything. dramatic fools.) and thomas’ complete love for them when he sees fry in the car too (bc lets be honest obvi newt would go with him but him seeing frypan following him into danger was probably so endearing)

9. frypan driving! stuck in the glade for 3 years and our boy knows how to drive a jeep good for him man

10. the return of more snarky!newt “not to be negative, but if i was a crank that’s exactly where i’d go.” a nice reminder of “people. in the mountains. mountain people. that’s your plan.” from tst! (and of course the “alright i got shotgun” and the look between thomas and fry like okay we’re doing this

11. frypan flooring the truck and getting rid of that crank! (and also totaling the jeep but hey man)

12. the fact that frypan’s door wouldn’t open and he kept punching the life out of it until thomas was like “dude go AROUND.”

13. newt just falling out of the door like a mess

14. fry shooting the cranks the whole time they’re running! he’s such a fighter in this movie! i’m glad we got action!fry

15. BRENDA IN THE JEEP WITH THE GUN. BRENDA. 

16. “i think what he means to say is thank you.” - frypan translating thomas’ worry for everyone else

17. newt finding the walls when they look at the last city and jorge’s offhand comment about “they built walls, that seems to be Wicked’s answer for everything” i mean LMAO another great line that better not get overlooked. i mean, come on lol

18. i forgot what exactly frypan said at this moment in response to newt but they had an exchange that i laughed about for like 10 minutes. when i rewatch i’ll fill it in better.

19. the whole Wall scene was honestly magnificent and jorge’s annoyed “GET OUT OF MY WAY” to the crowds as he and thomas make their way to the front? a+

20. newt noticing the “armed guards” and immediately running up to thomas and saying they had to leave now. (which, btw how did i NOT realize that was gally even with the mask on.)

21. everyone getting captured and the contrast of thomas and brenda sitting quietly while jorge literally kicks a guard out of the truck. can you imagine how that ride was going down with them?? lmao and brenda telling him she was there and just the overall love and care jorge has for brenda!

22. gally’s return obvi. “we watched you die.” “you left me to die.” YIKES.

23. newt being able to calm thomas down (WHAT A CONTRAST TO NEWT’S TEMPER LATER. HAHA i hate myself.)

24. Gally saying he deserves it and asking if fry or newt wanna get a shot in too because he knows that everything he did was wrong and he probably lives with that shame and guilt every day and i want to cry

25. rose took my nose i suppose! fun fact: this line was also said by a crank in the scorch trials, though not nearly as clear - it’s very background ish and more violent. can’t remember the exact scene but it may have been when they’re in the abandoned mall and one of the cranks jumps on newt and thomas kicks him off the ledge. i was curious to know if it was supposed to be the same crank, but given the distinction between the two cranks i don’t think it was, but it’s something to consider. anyway - THE EFFECTS! his face was so cranky i loved it.

26. newt lacing up his boot probably to make sure his leg is okay and subtly noticing the pain in his hands and the twitching of them and panicking and trying to conceal it.

27. “gally, take care of them.” AW.

28. in the sewers, snarky!newt returns “ugh, this is gross.” 

29. out in the city and newt and thomas seeing a real city for the first time aw. 

30. the telescope and thomas seeing teresa for the first time and not even saying a word but gally just knowing and responding “i didn’t say you were gonna like it.”

31. the meeting when they get back and brenda saying “wait, isn’t this the same girl who betrayed you? the same dick?” and gally saying “i like her.” brenda and gally have attitudes that give me LIFE. <3

32. newt just sitting quietly off to the side during all of this but you can see the annoyance and rage in his eyes until he finally speaks up “worried your little girlfriend’s gonna get hurt?” etc. and the looks between everyone else around the table as the two of them fight.

33. the rage in newt’s eyes and then the immediate fade of the rage as he realizes what’s going on and he has to leave

34. brenda’s face when newt slams thomas against the wall because DO YOU THINK SHE BRIEFLY REMEMBERS WHEN SHE CRANKED OUT??? even though she really get angry with thomas but i’m sure she had moments before the boys met with her and jorge. not that she knows newt’s a crank yet but i mean?? memory trigger?

35. don’t get me started on the deleted scene.

36. thomas’ face when he sees newt’s wrists and the veins

37. the fact that newt must have written the letter shortly after this scene

38. let’e jump back to the cutaways now with teresa/minho/wicked quickly.. teresa thinking she’s found a cure for the little girl and talking with her and being so happy

39. teresa seeing minho and trying to tell him that something in his blood could save this little girl and could save a ton more people, but minho not having any of it because as far as he’s concerned she’s a traitor and has fcked with them and mostly thomas for so long and that kills him because now he’s separated from his friends and he has no idea if they’re alive or not after that raid

40. teresa learning that the little girl wasn’t cured and she’s back to square one now and really beginning to doubt herself.

41. not sticking up for ava paige here but the scene of her and jansen when she’s telling him that maybe it’s done and maybe there can’t be a cure, maybe it was all for nothing??

42. teresa’s walk through the city to take it in one last time and see the people around her whom she thought she would be able to help and realizing that humanity is dying and she can’t do anything to stop it. 

43. HER FACE WHEN SHE SAW THOMAS.

44. thomas barely even being able to look at her without crying.

45. newt being the one to angrily rip the covering from teresa’s eyes and taking his seat next to thomas.

46. “Don’t look at him. look at me. why’re you looking at him. he can’t help you.”  GALLY. 

47. gally talking to teresa because he knows it will be too hard on thomas, and then threatening to chop her finger off???

47a (had to go back because i just remembered other stuff and i don’t want to renumber everything): teresa seeing how good brenda’s doing and realizing it’s thomas’ blood but thomas telling her he doesn’t believe her anymore and to stop speaking and you know how much that had to hurt for him??

47b. Brenda telling thomas to be careful because he has a bad habit of not being able to leave people when he should (flashback to him not leaving her when she was cranking out and when she ran back in the warehouse when they first met thomas could have gone out the window with everyone else but he stuck around to make sure she was safe and got out too).

47c. jorge and brenda’s goodbye. i’m crying for three years.

47d. teresa trying to grab the knife she used because it had thomas’ blood on it but gally stopping her “nice try” because he prob thought she was gonna try to stab them, but she ended up taking the bandage at least! smart.

48. teresa had to have snuck into wicked for the uniforms and then back out right? how’d that work. only slightly curious.

49. newt (in uniform) walking directly up to thomas and teresa and staring at them briefly and threateningly before he nods his head and they’re like “oh, that must be newt.. okay.”

50. gally finding the mech box and Doing The Gally Thing that he was known for in the fever code!! did everyone forget gally was amazing at tech??? seeing him be able to put his brain to use here made me so happy.

51. newt cranking out on the staircase and teresa suddenly realizing why thomas is such a mess and newt turning away from her when he sees her staring at him because he’s still trying to hide it.

52. running and saving all those kids! (and again, sadly, realizing minho is not there)

53. thomas dragging teresa and telling her he’d better bring him to him right away.

54. newt immediately saying he’s going with them and thomas saying no that he has to stay for the serum but newt looking at him and just saying “minho comes first, remember?” SELFLESS.

55. gally leading the kids out to brenda, but when he realizes thomas never met up with her he tells her to stay and he runs back into Wicked to find him.

56. brenda keeping those kids safe with everything she’s got, even when it does mean leaving without thomas because she knows that if these kids get taken again, she’d never be able to live with herself.

57. back to thomas and friends - the whole elevator scene. priceless, honestly. thomas bumping into jansen? perfect. also gave him away probably, but it’s okay.

58. teresa and thomas’ argument in the hallway where he rips his mask off and immediately newt’s like “what’re you doing????” because if wicked sees thomas they’ll take him and newt can’t have that.

59. dumbass jansen coming and ruining everything. thomas holding a gun to teresa’s head, even though he knows he’d never be able to pull the trigger, but maybe teresa wasn’t actually sure for a moment and thought she might die? newt probably cheering this on a little bit. 

60. teresa playing middle ground again and locking them behind the glass doors, trapping them, but also giving them more time. making sure jansen knows she needs them alive.

61. minho hearing the commotion outside and realizing that he might actually have a chance at escaping and it’s enough to pull him out of his unconscious/messed up state and fight back.

62. thomas and newt fighting and constantly looking out for each other “newt get down!” “tommy get back!” and pushing him back before throwing the bomb. just having each others’ backs in general and newt fighting so hard if only to see minho one last time/save tommy.

63. minho coming and saving them by THROWING THAT GUY THROUGH THE WINDOW.

64. THE REUNION. The biggest hug of life and minho looking at them in amazement and saying “is this real” because for a brief minute he probably thought he was back in the room with wires stuck in him making him see things

65. locking themselves in that room and throwing furniture in front of the door to keep jansen out (throwback to tst!) 

66. jansen looking just totally annoyed leaning on the door while the guy comes in with the saw to open the door

67. “any ideas?” thomas’ awkward “maybe.” 

68. the scene where they throw the tank out the window and the whole shot of it falling in the water was beautiful because it was so quiet too omg

69. the three boys looking out the window like.. here we go. and the silent exchanges/thoughts probably going on in their heads?? thomas like “okay, okay, it’s doable. i have to get these two out of here no matter what.” and minho like “jesus i did not think i’d be doing this” and eyeing newt briefly. and newt just overall “well i’ve done it before” and also “well, if tommy says this is the plan, this is it.” because he’d FOLLOW HIM ANYWHERE, EVEN OUT OF A WINDOW.  -- also, it should be noted that minho doesn’t have shoes in all of this, poor boy running around on broken glass all day. christ.

70. when the saw starts along the door and you see newt’s slo-mo turn. epic.

71. the pep talk!!! “we’re all bloody inspired” !!!!!!!! snarky!newt and book!newt in one! and thomas’ brief look at him like “cut me some slack.”

72. jansen breaking through and the boys just not hesitating at all and going for it and minho yelling thomas’ name when they jump!!

73. jansen almost falling out of the window himself did anyone catch that? and then aiming to shoot and realizing it was futile while also thinking “these fucking kids....” lmao

74. the return of thomas flipping off jansen.

75. jansen saying he wants everyone finding thomas immediately and the other guard saying they were on it and they’ve got eyes already on the bus and jansen stops and is like “what bus?” LIKE... HIS MIND WAS PROBABLY LIKE ARE YOU KIDDING ME WTF ELSE DID THOMAS DO?

76. cut to badass brenda! when she gets stopped and leaves the bus and tells the kids to stay on and then stops and comes back and is like “you’re all doing great.” like!!!! <3

77. FRYPAN COMING TO SAVE THE DAY. That whole scene lifting the bus oh my god. frypan apologizing when he bangs the bus into the side of the wall. the absolute fear in brenda’s eyes when the bus starts breaking and she realizes she might fall. but then frypan running them down as close to the ground as possible so they don’t fall from that height! so great.

78. “out of service”

79. our trio getting out of the water (sidenote - minho is still without shoes and probably bleeding everywhere) and being caught and thomas’ utter “you��ve gotta be kidding me” like i know i didn’t just jump out of that window for nothing.

80. GALLY!

81. minho’s look of complete confusion at gally and thomas saying he’ll explain later but minho is still standing there in complete shock like what is happening.

82. “you guys are nuts.” lmao at gally’s reaction to them jumping out of the window. he must’ve been running around inside and heard one of the guards like “LET’S GO, THEY JUST JUMPED OUT THE WINDOW” and he was like “jesus christ thomas always doing dumb shit”

83. them running for cover behind a small wall and newt coughing like hell and minho suddenly realizing that his best friend is Not Okay. “hey how’re you feeling” “bloody terrible, but it’s good to see you again minho.” TEARS EVERYWHERE.

84. minho being so concerned and asking thomas how long newt had been like that and thomas struggling on how to tell minho and minho probably realizing that even cranking out like he was, newt pushed himself to be there and save minho.

85. ps in the background of this little exchange between minho and thomas, you see newt open his jacket and grab the necklace - possibly making sure it was still there and didn’t come off in the water. :) :) :) :) :) :(

86. “gally i don’t get it, why are you helping us? i put a spear through your chest.” “yeah well, nobody’s perfect.” minho and gally!!!!!!!!! minho was the only one who stood up for gally in the fever code they were friends first and this little exchange just made my heart hurt.

87. thomas and minho (still barefoot???) carrying newt throughout the streets of the city and gally having their back the entire time.

89. teresa finding the cure!

90. brenda and fry getting back and realizing nobody was there and there was probably a big chance that thomas and them might have been captured and all they could do was wait.

91. the crank bombs. the scene of that crank (forgot his name because i’m the worst..) riding into the building with the bombs how epic

92. the explosion and gally’s utter shock of it. “it was just supposed to be the building, not the entire city.” and thomas being like it’s okay let’s just go and gally still just panicking like “oh my god we’re destroying the city, this is not what i wanted, what have i messed up this time” gally just keeps feeling so much guilt for everything and i’m not okay

93. the breakout of the war between everyone in the city and our four boys just constantly struggling to find cover and finally thomas radios brenda and is like “we’re not gonna make it” and brenda is like “we’re not leaving you. i’m not leaving you so forget it.” and NOW WHO CAN’T LEAVE PEOPLE BRENDA I’M CRYING.

94. the boys running to the tunnels and gally turning and saying “we’re almost there newt” and the poor boy saying “just leave me” I MEAN????

95. as they’re crouched low again and thomas realizes that newt is almost fully cranked and they’re not gonna make it and he tells minho - their fastest runner - to get the serum. gally immediately saying he’ll cover him - which i believe 100% he would protect him with his life, if only it meant some sort of release from the guilt of chuck 

96. newt pulling minho in by the collar and telling him thank you. what a LOADED thank you. everything from the maze, being his friend, protecting them in the scorch, giving newt a second change at life. i’m in tears, son.

97. jorge coming with the berg and vince’s return! brenda saying thomas isn’t with them and vince insisting they go get him and everyone’s hype about it.

98. newt completely zoning out and his eyes turning fully now as he actually starts cranking out. thomas’ fear as he tried to bring him back and newt finally does come back to himself and he realizes it’s now or never so he gives thomas the necklace and says THE LINE.

99. “come on newt, it’s me and you. i need you to give me everything you’ve got okay?” “okay.” AND HE FIGHTS AGAIN TO TRY TO MAKE IT. 

100. you start to see newt completely cranking out with his legs dragging and his head twitching back and forth and he’s so far gone at this point and they fall and thomas keeps trying to get him up but newt’s just on the ground at this point with zero strength

101. teresa’s voice over the loudspeaker telling thomas that he is the cure and everyone’s reactions to it - brenda, minho, etc. 

102. thomas turning around to look at newt again but newt’s standing now and when newt turns around thomas loses it because he’s gone

103. THE FIGHT. OH MY GOD. “kill me tommy” and the roars 

104. brenda BOOKING IT

105. newt’s struggle between cranking out and coming back where we see both newt and crank!newt throughout the fight - including when he jump on thomas and breathes out “i’m sorry tommy” before putting the gun to his head.

106. thomas’ look of COMPLETE FEAR when he does this so much so that he just completely smacks the gun out of the way not caring where it landed and crank!newt’s growl at him right before he takes his knife and tries to stab thomas

107. thomas just crying as he tried to keep the knife from going in his chest because he knows they just have to hold off a little longer and the serum will be there, but when the knife actually starts pressing against him he just punches and kicks newt off to the side and it probably killed him to do that but he knew he didn’t have a choice

108. when It Happens and newt’s eyes clear and he just says “tommy” before falling and i’m crying as i write this so i need to skip to the next bullet point before i dwell on this.

109. brenda running to the scene and getting there just a minute too late. feeling guilty because she didn’t run fast enough, she didn’t leave early enough, etc. and seeing newt’s body thinking that could have been her months ago if thomas hadn’t saved her life. 

110. thomas just having no words and just slowly walking away.

111. minho and fry getting to the scene and omg. frypan looking at him and probably thinking back to winston (i’m convinced these two were bffs so) 

112. Minho. Minho seeing his best friend with a knife in his chest. And his knees just buckled because he couldn’t even stand anymore. do you ever wonder how long minho knelt there in silence until fry and brenda had to step in and try to pick him up and bring him back to the berg? because i do.

113. thomas just walking into wicked because he doesn’t care anymore. that was the final straw. he won’t lose anyone else. even if it means sacrificing himself. “just let everyone else go.” 

114. having ava shot right in front of him and barely even registering what just happened. trying to fight jansen but honestly he was probably so weak and tired and mentally shot after everything with newt that he could barely fight. he puts one last effort into it, all of his hatred at everything he’s been put through, but jansen still gets the better of him because he just can’t do it anymore.

115. teresa smashing that vase over jansen’s head and trying to save thomas. she fights so hard! she gets thrown across that table like a ragdoll!

116. jansen and the gun and thomas realizes that he’s going to shoot teresa and thomas runs in front of her to push her aside because despite everything he still cares about her and he knows she was trying to do the right thing. 

117. thomas watching teresa protect him and hold off jansen until he can’t take it anymore and throws the thing. “you missed.” “did i?”

118. jansen getting eaten alive by cranks amirite???

119. teresa and thomas running on top of the building as the city burns around them and they realize that this might actually be it and it’s over. and teresa feeling so, so guilty for everything. “i tried, tom, i tried.” “i know.” 

120. the berg! working to get thomas onto the platform and teresa pushing him up because he has to be saved no matter what, because he’ll save everyone. slipping the cure in his pocket, making sure he takes it with him.

121. thomas’ face when he realizes teresa isn’t going to come aboard, that she’s accepted her fate.

122. teresa’s fall!!!! oh my goodness. what a beautiful shot, cinematically.

123. thomas now lying on the berg practically bleeding to death, his last thoughts probably being about newt and teresa and the last half hour or so he’d just gone through.

124. minho probably seeing that thomas is shot and freaking out because there is no way he is losing both of his best friends today - not when the only reason they’re here is because they came to save him. (also, is minho still barefoot? i hope there were shoes on the berg for this poor boy..)

125. the safe haven! thomas walking out and seeing everyone and him and minho embrace and i just cry every time i think about it.

126. vince’s speech and The Rock for everyone to come make their peace.

127. minho giving the necklace back to thomas, probably not even realizing what it was, what it meant.

128. thomas finding the note and realizing its a letter and immediately folding it and dropping his head because he can’t believe that’s what this was. in his last moments, newt made sure thomas took this with him and thomas had no idea what it even was when he took it, probably thinking “okay sure yeah i’ll hold your necklace, whatever this is i’ve got it” possibly wondering if it was just cranked out newt or if it was actually something important.

129. The. Letter.  Not getting into detail here. You all know it. I can’t talk about it yet. Not yet.

130. Seeing Minho be the one to carve Newt’s name into the stone. I bawled.

131. Thomas carving Teresa’s name into it, because despite everything, she worked hard to save him and get him to where he was, and in the end, she did find the cure. She deserves to be remembered for that.

132. Seeing Sonya Harriet and Aris together again! Group B trio!

133. When they show the stone you see all of the names. Chuck - do you think Gally wrote in chuck’s name as a little release? What about Alby? Maybe Minho? I’m calling it now that Fry wrote Winston’s name.  They still had Ben’s name - I’m saying Minho wrote Ben’s name, because back in the glade they ran together, and he probably still misses him so often.  Rachel’s name is there, probably from Aris. There are so many names, so many stories unheard. But you think about everyone in the safe haven and all of these people they lost and it just hurts. 

134. the last words of the entire trilogy being “goodbye mate. Newt.” and how those words spoke to every single one of us.

feel free to add more bits.

[randomchick29]

50 Facts About Me (THANK YOU FOR 50 FOLLOWS!)

So... as promised in this post, I’m doing 50 facts about me because 50?! people followed me and my crazy masa obsessed cat mom ass. Thanks for enjoying my messed up commentary/rambles! Great, now I’m starting to sound like a youtuber that just wants money lmao sorry. Enough mushy stuff, and onto ze list!

Possible trigger warning: I’ll try to keep this as positive as I can, but there may be some things that can trigger some people (including but not limited to mental health, abuse/bullying, eating disorders etc.) If you are not comfortable with those topics, don’t read this.

1. My real name is Robin (middle name starts with Y and my last name starts with G)

2. I live in AZ

3. I LOVE FOOD. Part of the reason why I love masa and luka tbh... But seriously, food is great.

4. My fav foods are crab, ham, and burgers. See why I can’t become vegetarian 😂

5. I HATE onions with a passion.

6. My fav animals are owls, cats, hedgehogs, snakes, and whale sharks.

7. I have two dogs and used to have a cat (extremely long story short: My cat is in the “care” of an abusive psycho that isn’t allowed near me so I can’t see her ever again :/ but my sisters can) I still love Lucky (my cat) to death. She’s a sweet kitty (most of the time) and I miss her so much ❤️

8. My dogs are named Tucker and Bella. They’re both miniature schnauzers and they’re crazy. Tucker is a sweetheart, but he DOESNT. STOP. BARKING. He has a bit of a jealousy issue. When Bella gets attention, he starts barking and/or pushes her away from the human 😂 He hates when his people hug. He will jump on them and bark and growl. He also has stuffed animals that he LOVES. He uses them as pillows and carries them around. Bella is a lazy piggy ass. All she does is sleep and eat (like me haha). Half the time she’s too lazy to get up and go outside, and only responds when there’s food (once again, just like me 😅) They absolutely love each other though. Tucker licks her and grooms her and Bella follows him around and it’s just the cutest thing.

9. My lucky number is 9 because my birthday is 9/29 and my adoption day is 9/9 (see what I did there hehe get it? fact 9 is about my lucky number 9? no? okay...)

10. I’m adopted from an orphanage in (Eastern?) China

11. I have 2 sisters. They’re both in college but everyone who sees us on the street thinks I’m the oldest because I’m taller and curvier. One is 21 (but everyone thinks she’s like 16) and the other is 19 (people think she’s like 10 😂) No, none of us are blood related.

12. I’m 5’ nothing...

13. I’ve always been heavy for my height and age. I was and still am judged because of how much I eat and weigh. Because of this, I had an eating disorder in 4th grade and have always hated myself and envied my sisters for their tiny asian bodies.

14. I used to do tennis, dance, and swimming. I haven’t done any sports since then.

15. I can play 3 instruments, and tried many others. I played piano for 10 years, violin for 2, and French horn for 6 months.

16. I am EXTREMELY double jointed in my fingers

17. I have a fused tooth

18. My fingers bend back at the first knuckle way farther than most people’s

19. My hair is REALLY long and grows really fast. It goes to around my hip/tailbone area as of now.

20. My shoe size is a 7

21. My fav colors are red and green

22. My first fictional crush was Link. I was 8 at the time. We’re still going strong 7 years later.

23. Only a few months ago did someone top (wink wonk) Link: MASAAAA

24. My first otome was Shall We Date? Love Tangle after I saw an ad for it on trivia crack. My first route was Ryan. My fav is Nolan.

25. I still love MM, but I don’t have the time OR space on my phone to play (SORRY ZENNY)

26. I got in huge trouble when I was 10 coz I made a bunch of accounts that my mom didn’t approve of. I made an email, twitter, pottermore, quizilla (I miss that site smh), etc. And I did it MULTIPLE times. After she took the computer from me, she found out my DS had internet too. I didn’t have my DS for a long time. She would give it back after a while, and ID GO ONTO THE INTERNET AND YOUTUBE EVERY. DAMN. TIME. I got my DS back on Christmas in 7th grade coz I got games for it and she trusted me enough (and I had a phone by then so yay trust...?)

27. ...the twitter accounts still exist... I’ve looked back at them and I wanna kms holy crap it was bad. Lesson: 10 year olds shouldn’t be on twitter.

28. I love Harry Potter and The Inheritance Cycle (Eragon series). My fav HP book is Order of the Phoenix, and my fav IC book is Eldest.

29. My fav Zelda is a tie between Skyward Sword and Wind Waker

30. My fav Pokémon are Garchomp, Shaymin, and Breloom

31. We used to have so many games and systems. We had like 100-200 games, 2 gamecubes, 3 GBA’s, 4 DS’, 2 wii’s, and prob more 😂 We got only $150 from gamestop.

32. My fav youtubers are Chuggaaconroy, Rachel & Jun, and Glam & Gore.

33. I learned about sex through fanfiction (specifically, The Lemon of Zelda (pretty sure it’s been deleted tho coz I can’t find it))😂 I never got The Talk.

34. I may have looked at yaoi at school before...

35. I’m pansexual

36. Biggest turnoffs are arrogance, possessiveness, and bad hygiene.

37. Biggest turn ons are good chesticles and sense of humor.

38. I’ve had ONE bf and I dumped him after a day coz he wouldn’t stop calling me and I was scared of my mom. The thing is, we both liked each other for a LONG time and to my friend I was like “Yo ask who he likes” coz he was acting all sus and SHE TOLD HIM I TOLD HER TO ASK HIM and he’s like YA I LIKE ROBIN and I’m like WTF IS WRONG W YOU to my friend. Then he told me in class and it was really cute and I accepted. Then broke up w him OVER TEXT not even 24 hours later 😂 Dumb 7th grade ass

39. I’ve always been bullied because of how awkward and weird and annoying I am

40. My fav anime is Ouran

41. The only thing keeping me alive in freshman year (this past school year) was otome. Specifically Masa. My mind: What would Masa do without his kitten? Who would he chase through Azuchi? Who would be the pretty pillow/futon when he’s drunk? Damn, I love this man agh

42. I can reach my back much better than most people. I don’t need a back scratcher because I can reach my whole back.

43. I’m obsessed with makeup and nails, and used to love music, reading, and art.

44. My real baes are Huang Jing Xiang (fellow Chinese SPOTTED!) and Kato Kazuki

45. I sweat A LOT. I have to have a STRONG fan coz ac isn’t enough to keep me from sweating too much. And I live in AZ, so it’s even worse...

46. I still sleep with my baby blanket. I put it over my pillow coz it’s so soft (and I don’t have any other blankets)

47. My fav movie is Heathers (WELL FUCK ME GENTLY WITH A CHAINSAW)

48. I have HORRIBLE eyesight but I don’t like wearing my glasses coz the arms give me a headache and I don’t like them period

49. I love bad puns too much (I would make one here, but I don’t wanna be PUNished) 😂

50. I’ve gotten caught drawing... and writing... some NSFW things at bad times...

AAAAND DAS IT! Sorry it was more negative than I thought it would be, but I’m a really boring person with a boring life filled with drama and... That makes no sense does it. A boring life doesn’t have drama... I’m dumb. Should’ve stopped at DASSIT. Ok, I’m actually stopping lmao baiii 😊

[jooheongif]

it's theory anon,hi!!how are YOU?i'm really good rn thanks:)) thank you for your kindness again,i'm really happy i could somehow help to help you feel even a tiny bit better and hope you're doing well now,too(and it's ok to not rest on your day off but it's also ok to do so if that's what you feel is right for you atm!).about the mf(ilm), i thought the same thing, it felt like a parallel universe type of story!i also really love plotlines about friendship, (again cont.i'll try to be briefer!)

(i’m so sorry i wrote a rly long reply so i’m gonna put this under read more !!)

2. friendship is beautiful and i feel oftentimes underappreciated(but not mx!there they go again being amazing) so i love the concept. personally i like not knowing what exactly the producers were thinking because having my own interpretation of something and seeing other ppl have their own fills me with wonder,like,that's art!so many people think so many different things and no one's wrong i love it!!your thoughts about them appreciating everything they've done so far,you're absolutely right(cont) 3. i hope they are able to bc everything's so hectic for the.i get lost just looking at their official schedule,i don't know how they do it but i also hope they are aware of all these things bc those are all mindblowingly huge accomplishments in my opinion and i just want them to feel like their hard work is worth it,yknow?(is this comprehensible?)and i know they feel pressure because as you said the business is nasty but yea i hope at the end of the day they can feel like (cont.???again 4. everything they've put so much of themselves into is worth it,i love their energy and fierce determination and i just don't want them to lose it but maybe as you said feel less pressured..but then the only way would realistically be to make sure they get awarded in the Real World so we're all doing our best in the system&hating it as you said:/ they just mean so much to so many people i want them to feel that too!i try to contain myself but here i go again! sorry it's so long AND i have more(con 5. also!thank you for your big reply and sharing your thoughts i mostly just agreed with (but you're right so what else can i do),i don't have mbb friends to vent to and fanperson(is there a gender neutral term for fanboy/fangirl?) over mx with and this is really nice and fulfilling(again,if i'm boring you,you can just delete the messages and not reply!) so THANKS!it's great to strive to be a better person but i feel like one(you) should also acknowledge the good things they're already doing(cont?) 6. you showed such pure kindness and really melted someone's(my) heart and that's a Big Deal!djkghddgwe can agree that we both inspired each other :') also please i feel like you're such a wonderful soul and you really deserve every bit of gratitude and appreciation i managed to express(i feel a lot moreprobably) so!yeah!reminder that you're lovely and deserve to be appreciated and i'm also very,very happy you're here!you made my day brighter for the 2nd time now wow!thanks! i hope you and(cont.:() 7. your gorgeous heart are taking good care and enjoying your day/night! and this cb!i really like it i haven't had time to listen to the entire album but jealousy!is a bop honestly it's my type of jam and the choreo is stunning and so are their voices!iwas so skeptical about the lyrics(they could've been like hero or stuck and those made me a bit >:/ honestly) but i really should've known they wouldn't fail me in any way ever!i can't wait to hear the rest of the songs i hope you enjoy them too!bye

hi theory anon, it's nice to hear from u again ! firstly, i am so sorry for the slow reply to this ! but im rly glad to know that u are doing good :-) i'm doing ok too thank u !! how are u ? kfjjfdsjfdf sorry that u had to read my tags but thank u for saying that !! i just feel so guilty when i do nothing bc im absolutely terrified of time passing too quickly ? just the thought of letting a few minutes go to waste is overwhelming ? even though i know it's not rational to think like this but ??? theres just this constant feeling that im running out of time so i try to get rid of it by always doing smth ?? and feel bad when i dont ? idk ?? but anyway im working on it and ill be ok ! sorry..not to be dramatic and tmi and all that kjdfdj istg this blog gives me too much freedom to say...too much :( (hope the internet folks that collect metadata never read the garbage i write bc..yikes they aren't gonna hav the best time) anyway..yea. what a paragraph to start off this reply :( sorry for the honesty and saying so much all the time btw :( not that being honest is necessarily a bad thing but ! idk every time i write smth i suddenly feel extra self conscious and feel like deleting it bc im rly embarrassed and always end up having big regret later when i reread anything ive typed up !! but i just keep writing them anyway bc...idk ?? i'd rly hate it if someone got discouraged from sharing their thoughts/worries/feelings which i think is a rly important human thing :( so  yea im rly embarrassed w anything i write but i'll keep doing it anyway bc i'm all for that kind of stuff and sometimes i know its not easy and it takes someone a lot to share that and its a good thing and i dont ever want anyone to feel discouraged from doing that ! anyway i just felt like i rly needed to say all of this..but pls dont feel obliged to reply to this mess !! anyway back to mx ! you are right :( i also hope mx feel like what they've done is worth smth w/e their definition or standard of that is :( like.. all of the hard work they've put into being mx it certainly means so much to fans but i hope all the hard work they've put into being mx also means smth to them at the end of the day and they are happy w what they're doing and what they've achieved so far :( and yes we'd love mx to always be rewarded in the real world :( though we love them and we want to get them a win, i know that everyone has their commitments, means and different circumstances and we can only do so much :( but even if u think its just a small contribution, everything adds up and counts and i know that all mbb hav contributed in some way in helping them get another win for this cb ! there are some mbb who can't buy albums or streaming passes and things and i hope they don't feel bad for this :( even if all you can do is watch the mv once or twice, even if you could only vote, i hope you know that it all counts and matters !! abt mx's schedule, i get tired just by looking at their weekly one idk how they can even put up w it all ?? after this they'll hav their japanese album and things and then they'll have their concerts and on top of all that apparently [some of them are also studying] ????? they are so hardworking :( HOW do they do it !! just..thinking abt their schedule is overwhelming !!! also pls dont think that you're boring me or anything like that :( im so thankful for any msg i receive and the fact that u actually took the time to type out smth to send to me ?? im so grateful ?? u are never boring !! honestly even if u sent me a stainless steel dishwasher manual w the page length of like..23 bibles, i'd still love u for it and i'd prob read all of it :( btw thank u sm for saying all those kind things !!! receiving kindness for the 3rd time is rly !!!!!!! and once again i've done nothing to deserve it :( i dont even know what i can say to you that will ever be enough to thank u again or to top what u hav already said ! if there was like a...maslows hierarchy of kindness of smth, ur at the very top of that triangle and anything i say will never be as kind as what you have said !! for you, i can agree that we both inspired each other :-) but really thank u so much from the bottom of my heart :( i hope you know how kind and lovely u are too ! if nobody told u this today, i wanted to say that im rly grateful to know u and i'm happy that you're here !! thank u again for being so kind and thoughtful and for making me smile !! :( same, i havent properly listened to the whole album either bc ive just been letting it stream in the background (but i dont count that as a proper listen unless i listen w headphones tbh) ill give it a good listen one day ! also im a repeat 1 kind of garbage person until i feel the need to listen to a new song ?? and rn jealousy to me is a song that gets better w every listen ??? shes too powerful atm :( one day ill listen to another song but today is not that day ! Actually.....I think jealousy is my fav mx song ???? before this cb i didnt hav a fav bc i couldnt pick the song i liked most out of blue moon/blind/fighter/incomparable. i was just gonna base it off the one w the most play count out of those 4 but now i know its jealousy ! what are ur fav mx songs ?? btw i know im always saying that anything mx releases is always a masterpiece no matter what, but in all seriousness its ok if u didn't like smth they released. i don't think it makes u any less of a mbb if u didn't enjoy a certain release or if u only liked one aspect of a thing but not so much the rest of the thing. anyway not to sound so...stale and commonplace but for lack of a better word/sentence, at the end of the day your own reactions and feelings to a piece of art like music...it's all just subjective isnt it ?? not liking that thing doesnt mean that its not a masterpiece or its any less of a masterpiece to someone else either so !! it's ok !! anyway this is rly....ive written a lot and its all over the place and incoherent probably :( i'm sorry !! feel free to reply whenever u feel like it, or no pressure on never replying at all btw ! also feel free to disagree w anything i say ! thank u sm for talking to me abt mx bc ive also got no mbb friends so !!! thank you :( theres so many times where i rly want to start a conversation w someone but im too scared and also i've got no clue abt how to initiate conversation ! and the times when i do manage to...i get stuck on how to keep the conversation going ? but when i figure smth out then im coming for u @ friendship !! i hope u had a good weekend and that you got some rest and that ur doing ok wherever u are !! until next time, take care ❤️❤️❤️

[itsyaboisayori]

Why I’m questioning Sayori

I said I’d make this post so here it is! Even got on my laptop to properly do the post :p I’m just kinda winging this but I’ll try to list out everything I can. If I forget stuff I’ll go back and edit it later so if you’re curious, keep watch! I’ll reblog any time I make edits, at least somewhat big ones. 

Also, replies are welcome! I’m open to constructive criticism and anyone wanting to offer new viewpoints. I accept that I’m still learning and nothing is for sure yet. Also tbh anyone telling me I sound like I’m kin is validating as heck so if you’re thinking it then I’d appreciate you saying it ahaha, but please don’t lie to me because you think you know what I want to hear. I want the truth. I don’t want to be a confused mess ;n; And I know all/most of these could be COMPLETELY unrelated to being Sayori fictionkin, but I feel like they’re worth mentioning anyways. It’s more like, a bunch of little coincidences rather than big solid evidence, I’m aware of that and that’s a big reason why I’m questioning and not for-sure Sayorikin.

One thing I realized just a couple of days ago is how, since I was a kid I’ve had this like, ideal thing I guess? how do I put this into words lmao my brain is dumb,, I guess a fantasy, that I’d fall in love with a childhood friend, like someone I’m close with from a young age but strictly friends for a long time. I’ve always been in love with the idea of falling in love with your best friend. And of course that’s what happens to Sayori, due to her programming in DDLC. And if I’m kin with Sayori from other game(s) rather than just DDLC then it definitely could be something unrelated, just a coincidence.

I’m like, really drawn to DDLC?? Maybe just because DDLC is a great game and I love all the creepypasta type stuff behind it all, all the theories and dark shit, and also I think just as a cute dating sim it’d be great anyways (but nowhere near as great). But idk, when I saw it I immediately felt kinda drawn to it but maybe that’s just in my head or for some other reason like the characters look nice or smth.

Also it REALLY gives me feels. It makes me feel things in general. I rarely get genuinely scared from fictional stuff anymore but this game fucked me up. I’m still scared to play it on my own because, even after watching multiple youtubers play it multiple times, it still fucking scares me.

The Sayori suicide scene and her poem- especially the poem- really get to me. I saw people making hanging puns in the previous video before her death so it was kind of spoiled for me but even still, it got to me. And the scene where Sayori is freaking out because you deleted Monika before playing the game REALLY gets to me,, like I just understand that overwhelming, helpless feeling. Especially finding out why she acted that way, it’s so fucking hard to watch that scene and normally I’m not affected by this kind of stuff. So either DDLC is extremely good at psychological horror or I have some sort of connection to the scenarios, whether that be just that I’ve been through similar things and am projecting (not really that I remember though? idfk brains are weird) or ya know,,, I once lived as someone in DDLC or whatever.

(TW self harm/suicide/choking) Probably has no real correlation but when I have panic attacks/flashbacks (unrelated to DDLC I mean) I feel like I’m choking or like I can’t breathe. And when really frustrated I tend to choke myself? Sayori died from asphyxiation instead of her neck being broken, by accident because she used a stepping stool instead of something higher like a chair and jumping off. Btw I’m okay, I never actually choke myself to the point to causing permanent damage or anything, and of course I’m not saying this is like, okay or anything. I know it’s bad but I’ve done it completely on impulse, and this was all before learning DDLC even existed. I’m working on getting better and I’m not going to kill myself or anything, just thought I’d mention this.

I relate to her personality,,, so fucking much. Not just the whole pretending to be happy to make your friends happy thing, but how she is as a person besides her depression. Tbh I feel like a lot of people relate to her because of her depression and how she deals with it, but like she’s so much more than that. She pretends to be dumb but it actually pretty smart. Maybe she’s not the best with words but I think she’s a lot more intelligent than some people think. She’s so cheerful, maybe even annoying, and is kind of the class clown, and is a total weirdo sometimes but it’s GREAT and just,, same lmao. Like “looks like my boobs are getting bigger again >:D” is something I’d say lolol I just love Sayori so much, like idc if I’m kin with her or not she’s still fucking amazing.

Another reason I relate to her but probably is like not at all proof I’m Sayori or anything, just thought I’d mention anyways, but I was kinda like, really in love with my guy friend in high school for years, he’s actually kinda like MC in some ways, like he was kinda popular with girls but not like Popular(tm), super nice and couldn’t directly say no, but he knew I was in love with him (or at least knew I had a crush on him but he probably had no idea I liked him THAT much but hey neither did I for a long time lmao) and didn’t like me back and even started intentionally avoiding me. Like, he would make up an excuse to not give me a hug, like he was late for class, but hugs only take like a fucking second what the hell?? It sucked but like when the player turns down Sayori I Relate.

I just,,,,, want to hug Natsuki like she’s fucking adorable and I want to protect her the most bc she’s like a precious child and she’s obviously abused by her dad. Tbh Yuri is a little creepy and for some reason I don’t like her that much but I mean I’d still hug her. I don’t hate Monika, like it was just her programming to do all that stuff she did so I don’t blame her and she’s p cool and I’d hug her too tbh. When Sayori interacts with Natsuki it makes me feel all warm n fuzzy. Like I don’t think in my canon Sayori and Natsuki were dating or anything, I think I/Sayori am/was just really protective? Idk, thought I’d throw that out there.

I also heavily relate to wanting to be a mediator and wanting to help everyone get along and be happy. I often (try to) play that role in this life. I’m extremely empathetic, so that’s prob why, but I can’t stand when people are fighting or can’t see each other’s point of view. Though it also frustrates the FUCK out of me when people refuse to or just absolutely cannot see any point of view but their own. Maybe that’s not really a Sayori thing but ye

When I look at Sayori I get the same “that’s me!” feeling as when I see my kintypes. Who knows though, maybe in a month or two it’ll fade, we’ll see I guess. But right now it is Very Strong. Like I’ve somewhat questioned being fictionkin with other characters before but I’ve never had the “that’s me” feeling this strong with anyone else. Ruby from RWBY is a close second but I still think she’s just a kithtype.

I feel like having a past life or whatever as someone who was experimented on kinda makes sense?? Maybe I just enjoy horror a little too much but I really think if I am Sayori I’m kin with her like actual her not just the DDLC version of her. The new game hasn’t even been announced yet but I’m so excited, mostly because I feel like I want to learn more about my possible past life I guess. I wanna see if things in the second game connect with me or if it’s just DDLC. But I feel like, if I’ve had any past lives as any humans, they were probably really dark or smth. I kinda have a dark mind I guess and that would just make sense to me lmao, like I’m 21 why haven’t I grown out of my edgy phase, why the fuck am I still really into creepypasta? Damn.

I’ve been kinda obsessed with DDLC lately. I have BPD so it could totally just be a BPD obsession thing and maybe this obsession will fade and someday I won’t care too much about DDLC, only time will tell. Also I’ve had the song Your Reality stuck in my head for a week straight but it may just be a catchy song and I tend to have a song that kinda automatically starts playing in my head occasionally, usually lately it’s been Sad Machine by Porter Robinson (good song btw highly recommend)

Most likely unrelated but Sayori’s hair has been described as “strawberry blonde” on one wiki and my hair is like, light brown but reddish, though it looks more like Monika’s hair, especially because I keep my hair long. I’ve been kinda wanting to cut it but I like having long hair tbh and I feel like a lot of ppl don’t want me to cut my hair haha, though I really wanna get a short wig and maybe wear that occasionally (esp bc I’m non binary and wanna pass as more boyish sometimes, I know society will never accept me as nb bleh but anyways). Though, it’s been said that the reason her hair is short is because it’s easier for her to deal with, but I’m not 100% sure if that’s canon. Though I guess it doesn’t matter much? cuz multiverse stuff n all but, still.

Speaking of her appearance, she seems to not care too much about how she looks, which I relate to haha, especially because of depression n stuff. I mean I have Crippling Social Anxiety(tm) so I do care to an extent but usually I’m like, if someone likes me they’ll like me for who I am not how I look anyways. I don’t feel the need to dress super proper to impress anyone in casual social situations, like making friends or even going on dates (though I’ve only been on a real date like a few times and they were with my gf who I’d already been dating online for a while). And yeah a big reason she’s so careless about her appearance is depression but I think if I wasn’t depressed and she wasn’t depressed we’d still both have that mentality like, we don’t need to impress anyone with our appearance so it’s better to just dress how you want, whatever way makes you feel comfortable and happy with yourself and your body, than focus on being proper and stuff.

Maybe I’m just projecting but man I feel like a lot of stuff I do and my ways of thinking and stuff are very Sayori(tm). I feel like I am so much like her, like she’s so me. Though of course, maybe my reason for being kin with her is purely psychological. Maybe I “became” her after seeing DDLC. Maybe I am her because I relate to her so much. But again, only time will tell. If I still feel like I identify as her (which, currently, I most definitely do) in a couple of months or so, then I guess I’ll start calling myself fictionkin. Idk.

[joons-expensive-gurl]

Answering 99 Questions (I reblogged them before this post - they don’t belong to me)

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it? Probably not

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now? Considering I am 18, yes

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time? MAMA. The 🐍

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger? Nope

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? Nope

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? Not today, I’m too sick to have earphones in TT

7. What exactly are you wearing right now? Leggings and an oversized hoodie and mr Friends t-shirt

8. How often do you listen to music? Every day, bro I’ll go home

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more? The last time I wore sweats was 2 years ago when PE was mandatory for me so...

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013? ... no. No I don’t.

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person? A n t i

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’? Nope

13. What about ‘R’? Only a D which is coincidental since D also stands for DICKHEAD

14. Can you drive a stick shift? I can’t drive

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you? Idgaf I know me and that’s all that matters

16. Are you going out of town soon? 2 months ish probs shouldn’t say that on the internet so pls don’t stalk me

17. When was the last time you cried? A couple of days ago my dad accidentally hit me in the eye with a sock

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them? Yep

19. If you could change your eye color, would you? Absolutely not

20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for? There’s 7 😏

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having. I’m unwell.

22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead? yES

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to? Absolutely not

24. What are you sitting on right now? Me sofa

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you? Nah

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? Oh, yes. Haven’t we all?

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? My dad

28. Do you get a lot of colds? Considering I have one now, yes. Wait does hayfever count???

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from? Primark

30. Does anyone hate you? Probably

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room? Fuck no. I don’t drink

32. Do you like watching scary movies? nOpE

33. Do you want your tongue pierced? I’ve thought about it but I’m scared of the pain and the fact I won’t be able to eat for a few days

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be? Year 9. Definitely year 9 (when I was 14, don’t ask me what year that was because I don’t know what year it is today never mind four years ago... wait 2014 there ya go)

35. Did you have a dream last night? Yeah but I can’t remember it properly, I know Namjoon was in it and there was a gameshow

36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? Can’t remember

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? Bitch I hope the fuck not

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?*laughing in the distance*

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Most likely not in the way I want them to

40. Did you have a good day yesterday? I suppose

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship? Nope

42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl? Yes I will

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? Yep

44. What’s the best part about school? *harder laughing in the distance*

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook? I deleted Facebook over a year ago

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school? Nope

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head? Yes

48. Were you single over the last summer? Technically, yes, but I’m married to somebody called iPhone

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago? No, thank fuck

50. What are you supposed to be doing right now? Not posting to tumblr lmao

51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with? Nope

52. Are you nice to everyone? I try to be

53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? Oh yes

54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? Of course, I’m not a fucking waste of oxygen 🙃

55. Are you good at hiding your feelings? Yep

56. Do you think you like someone? No, I know

57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’? Nope

58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys? I don’t have a preference

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry? Yes

60. Do you hate anyone? Hate is a strong word

61. How’s your heart? What’s a heart? Lmao mines good fam. Three years later and it’s finally alright

62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about? Yes.

63. Have you ever cried over a guy? Unfortunately. He never deserved those was though

64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now? My mum

65. Are your toenails painted pink? No

66. Will your next kiss be a mistake? Lmao I probably won’t get kissed again. I don’t do relationships or shit like that anymore

67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct? No. Why would anyone love it when someone is crying??????? Tf

68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public? No

69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with? College (I called in sick)

70. How do you look right now? Like shit. I’m not being over dramatic, my face is pale, I have shitty sickness eyes (bags, swollen n shit) my sinuses are swollen. I’m a mess.

71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around? Nope

72. Can you commit to one person? Yes

73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? Yes he’s one of the greatest friends anyone could ask for

74. Have you ever felt replaced? Oh yes

75. Did you wake up cranky? Every day I do

76. Are you a jealous person? Unfortunately I am

77. Are relationships ever worth it? No.

78. Anyone you’re giving up on? Everyone.

79. Currently wanting to see anyone? No

80. Name something you have to do tomorrow? College

81. Last person you cried in front of? My dad

82. Is there someone you will never forget? A few

83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you? Nah.

84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now? Crying

85. Are you over your past? I’ve done some shit so no

86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex? Nope

87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to? Nah

88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? I would accept punching them in the face

89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in? nO

90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? Yep (I’m sorry Sebastian they’ll never understand your beauty, or you JDM)

91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months? No

92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael? Nope

93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew? Nope I don’t think I know any Matthews apart from famous ones

94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going? Nope. I was doing good on my own.

95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March? I didn’t like anyone

96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive? All my friends attractive af they beautiful bitches 💖

97. Who do you have texts from? My three best friends and my parents.

98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? Been there, done that, bye

99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? Does family count?

[badacts]

what do you do when you can't make a story happen the way you want it to? writing is hard.

WRITING IS HARD and anyone who tells you isn’t is either a liar or an asshole (prob both tbh). that said, i’ve been told that i’m a fast and prolific writer, which i’m not sure is a sign of me not getting stuck or me just being really effective at getting unstuck when i struggle? take this with a grain of salt, that’s where i’m going with this

i have a few techniques:

plan!! i’m not great at this, but i always have a vague idea of where the piece is going - for example, for a chapter, i’ll kind of know it’s going to be ‘characters a & b interact, characters a & b & c & d interact, character a has an introspective moment’ etc etc. it’s a lot easier to stop a story going sideways if you plan in advance

with long fics, i often jump back and forward between scenes (either for the whole fic or the chapter) because i have a frighteningly short concentration span, so going back and forth keeps my brain engaged and means i don’t just give up when i get stuck

even with my short fics, i’ll jump around from line to line around paragraphs or lines of dialogue that i know are ‘right’ - i very rarely write linearly, and i think that’s partly why i write so quickly. it’s effective! might not work for everybody, but it works for me

sometimes if i feel like it’s just not going how i want, i’ll copy-paste what i’ve got into another a doc (or start a new one) (never ever ever delete anything!!!! ever!!!!!!), pick another angle for how the scene could go (or even change the plot - i did this in a few small ways with switchblade because i just couldn’t get a scene to work between two characters) and start over with NO elements of your previous attempt. i find it gets me going again pretty much every time

leading on from that, change pov! this obviously doesn’t work in every situation, but sometimes a change in perspective can freshen things up and get your story on the right track again

never delete anything (i feel strongly about this - i have an entire side doc for long fics with every scene i’ve cut out of the main fic, because that stuff can be useful!) but move it out of your immediate sight so you can start completely fresh. also, use fillers - words, lines, even paragraphs. wrote an ugly paragraph? who cares, keep it and keep going. which leads me to my next point:

never ever edit as you go. if you get picky as you write, you never get anything finished. don’t be afraid of having a gap or a bad line if it keeps you writing!!

if i’m really, really struggling, i’ll go away and do something else, or even just write something else (another prompt, another scene, etc). oftentimes you’ll come back to it and find what you’ve got is fine and keep going, too! 

if i’m really, really, really struggling, i’ll stop and ask myself if it’s worth it. for me, writing is a hobby, and i already have a busy stressful career, so if it gets too hard i honestly don’t consider it worth it trying to push through. often the answer is ‘yes’ and i’ll have a break and come back to it later and get through it fine. but sometimes it’s ‘no’ for a specific story, and that’s okay too - there are always more stories, ones that will flow better and won’t be awful and painful to write

i hope this is vaguely helpful!! ironically, i used quite a few techniques above to write this answer. good luck, anyway, i hope the writing goes super well