#I’ll make smth productive in a moment I swear

[quibble-auk]

I’m sorry. I have not actually made anything today (writing or drawing wise) because I took them to the zoo…. Not cause I’ve been moping around all day. That would be wild.

The play date went well.

This is with @thebrokenmechanicalpencil’s OC, Comet!

Echo was just excited to hang out. Sunrazor wanted to go to the museum instead.

Comet really liked the bugs. Especially the beetles

Sunrazor did like the Rhino’s though. They’re kinda like dinosaurs.

[rouiettes]

raya and the ugliest fucking dragon i've ever seen holy fuck who the hell thought to give a dragon fuckiNG EYEBROWS WHY WHY—

aka the musings of a filo non-binary bisexual who feels victimized by the dragon designs of this fucking movie supposedly centred around THE LAST DRAGON???? MAYBE THEY SHOULD HAVE STAYED STONE GDI WHAT THE FUCK SERIOUSLY WHY DO THE DRAGONS LOOK LIKE THAT

let's get one thing straight.

none of the characters in this movie. rest assured. not a single straight person was in this movie. trust me.

raya and the last dragon had all the foundations of a good movie

IT COULD HAVE BEEN SO GREAT

BUT IT WASNT

AND HERE'S WHY

(in my humble opinion okay pls dont come for me)

a disney movie with sea culture at its heart and soul, i was so hyped to finally watch this movie

(not as hyped as i could have been tho bc let's be honest DISNEY DID SHIT WITH RAYA'S MARKETING)

(AND PERHAPS FOR GOOD REASON LOL I SWEAR I DONT HATE THIS MOVIE OKAY)

you had the amazing score, the amazing concepts for plot and characters, the solid solid worldbuilding???

if you just told me about how raya's setting and premise, i'd probably be "wow this movie sound like the whole package"

and then i'll actually watch the movie and have just as much trust issue as raya did :/

but i digress

A DISNEY MOVIE WITH SEA CULTURE AT ITS HEART AND SOUL

do you know how diverse sea culture is??? VERY

and one thing i was very happy to see was how raya handled it

it was by no means perfect but

the subtle shows of culture in the way the characters acted, and the environment of the movie was just CHEF'S KISS

not only that but the ideas the movie had in terms of its world and the people in it felt genuine, it felt alive

a dragon that isn't the typical fire-breathing lizard

characters who look like they could easily be my neighbours or children i've played with

instead of pandering to this movie felt like an actual homage to sea cultures

and for good reason bc seeing all those familiar names rolling in the credits had me feeling some type of way :")

also that fucking soundtrack gave me chills throughout my watch of the movie

okay now that we've got the things i actually like about the movie, let's talk about what i don't like

if there's one word i could use to describe disney's raya it would be: rushed

like i said in the beginning, all the groundwork for an astounding disney movie were already there

but all of it just goes to waste bc the plot and it's characters feel so Unfinished

the movie felt like a bullet-point presentation of the story

WHICH IS SO FUCKING DISAPPOINTING BC THE CHARACTERS SEEMED SO INTERESTING but all we got were shadows of what they could have been

cardboard cutouts of the archetypes they filled

i'm not asking for a bottomless well of depth, but i at least wanted more for the cast than just: angry misunderstood princess, angry misunderstood princess with an undercut, that one dancing kid from moana but with more spice, boss baby, and the mountain

and i get that they had to sacrifice some of their depth to keep the run time of the movie short but you have got to be better than this disney

i hate to compare but it felt like this movie tried to go beyond what moana gave us, and shot so far that it ended up back to where it started, and then stumbled back a few steps

AND IM NOT EVEN SAYING A DRAGON MOVIE WITH A BIG CAST IS IMPOSSIBLE

BC IT'S ALREADY BEEN DONE

HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON DID IT THREE TIMES

and you'd think the plot for one of the few disney movies with a non-western setting would have more than just a macguffin considering how batshit sea folk tales can be

but you'd think wrong folks.

GENUINELY IT FELT LIKE THEY WERE ATTEMPTING SOMETHING BUT WERE SHORT OF BRINGING IT TO FRUITION

sure moana had a macguffin too with the heart of te fiti, but the heart itself wasn't the heart of the movie

it was the journey of moana and maui

it was that BEAUTIFUL TWIST WITH TE KA AND TE FITI

ALL DELIVERED WITH A NATURAL FINESSE THAT HAD YOU ON THE EDGE OF YOUR SEAT

YOU WERE ALONG FOR THE RIDE OF THE STORY INSTEAD OF QUESTIONING EVERYTHING THAT WAS GOING ON LIKE I WAS

maybe this was just me but like, i felt so bad for the friend who watched this movie with me bc all i could go on and on was how the plot felt like it was getting in the way of itself

why didn't the different kingdoms (??) kept the gem in rotation or smth, when did they decide that heart would keep it and then get mad at heart for keeping it????

why didn't awkwafina dragon just show herself to the kingdoms bc everyone seems to be in agreement that dragons good right? that they would be the key to getting rid of the druun right??? SO THEY'D ALL AT LEAST HEAR HER OUT OR SMTH RIGHT????????

and yes raya has trust issues but it seems to only spring up at the most convenient times plot-wise, we didn't really see her learn to trust other people again OTHER THAN THE TIMES WHERE SISU WOULD HAMFISTEDLY SHOVE IT DOWN OUR THROATS THAT SOME PEOPLE ARE GOOD SOMETIMES RAYA

we see it with boun, but then she just trusts noi, her monkeys, and tong THE GUY WHO STRUNG THEM UP AND WAS THREATENING TO TORTURE THEM????????

i'm gonna be honest and say that if it weren't for namaari i'd have absconded the moment sisu came on screen

as far as i'm considered the actual plot of the movie is just the entire sword fight scene between her and raya

and finally

we get to the part i will be erasing from my brain for my own mental well-being

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT DRAGON DESIGN

WHY OH WHY TH  E FUCK DOES SISU SOUND AND LOOK LIKE THAT

my friend said they looked like the ponies from mlp in 3d AND NOW I CAN NEVER UNSEE IT

THEY HAVE EYEBROWS THEY HAVE HUMAN FACES

HUMAN FACES ON MAJESTIC DRAGON BODIES

THE INTERNET HAS COLLECTIVELY DECIDED THAT SISU IS BASICALLY FURRY ELSA

every time we got a sisu close up i lost 5 years to my life

disney i am suing for damages

if you want me to drop the charges i demand raya 2: electric boogaloo but it’s just raya and namaari enemies to friends to lovers ark

and also for them to never say dragon nerds ever again

AGAIN. HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON GAVE US BEAUTIFUL DRAGON DESIGNS. HELL IF YOU WANTED MORE EASTERN LOOKING DRAGONS FUCKING SPIRITED AWAY??? HAKU??????????

AND YKNOW WHAT. SISU WOULDN'T EVEN LOOK THAT HORRIFIC IF THE MOVIE WAS IN 2D

im not the first person to be side-eying disney's decision to keep pumping out these 3d movies but like.

no amount of added dimensions could ever make that dragon design okay

and there so many more points i could go off on to show how this movie was rushed

how the other dragons, and even sisu's siblings whom she had been missing for the entire movie DIDNT MAKE A SINGLE SOUND???? NOT EVEN A FUCKING GROWL DISNEY???? DID YOU EVEN TRY WITH THE DRAGONS AT ALL??? THE SUPPOSED CENTRE OF THIS MOVIE'S PLOT?????????

HOW THE CHIEFS OF THE OTHER KINGDOMS WERE BASICALLY PLOT DEVICES????

THAT ONE CHIEF'S SKELETON WAS MORE INTERESTING THAN ANY OF THEM COMBINED ALIVE

kudos to that one granny chief though

u can never have enough bad ass old ladies

AND GOD THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS JUST FELT SO FORCED

ALONG WITH WHATEVER LESSON SISU WANTED TO IMPART ABOUT TRUST

LOVE THESE CHARACTERS THEY ARE FUNNY THEY ARE FRIENDS FOUND FAMILY

TRUST PEOPLE IF U WANT THEM TO TRUST U

TRUST PEOPLE OR ILL LITERALLY FUCKING KILL U

children aren't stupid disney. if you tell your story well enough, they'll pick up on the messages you want to give them. YOU DONT HAVE TO THRUST EVERYTHING IN OUR FACES

i was exhausted by the time i finished this movie

bc i really wanted to love it. i wanted to feel more for it than just: well, it's a movie :)

i dont hate this movie though like it's not even worth the energy for that

i think that ultimately, despite all my issues with it, this movie was a step in the right direction when it comes to having non-western stories being told by non-western people in big name productions

i'm glad raya and the last dragon exists

i just can't help but be dissapointed though bc this movie put so much effort into putting my people and culture at its forefront but at what cost???

good characters and story for a good setting and design????

does it have to be one or the other?????

DOES THE DRAGON HAVE TO HAVE EYEBROWS??????

[missinghan]

「 what am I // stray kids 」

❖ genre : sci-fi; superpower au; platonic relationship au

❖ word count : 3,9k (bullet points only)

❖ warning : explicit language, most likely ain’t scientifically true at all

❖ summary : superpowers manifest in certain individuals once they hit puberty and naturally, those odd abilities will vanish as soon as adulthood occurs; but how will those teenagers protect themselves from the curiosity of science?

❖ a/n : this isn’t a proper fic since I don’t think I’ll actually write smth decent out of this but I don’t want the idea to rot inside my dungeon either- so yea, bear with me through this character intro post(?)

— bang chan ↠ locating ability-wielders & teleportation

· sometimes when he’s running errands for his parents, chan can feel a distinct ‘zing’ ins his bones if someone else with unusual abilities is nearby and can describe their power perfectly to the t; he ignores it at first but learns to make do with it eventually; can teleport another person with him and also needs to calculate carefully before teleporting because he once ends up in the middle of a freeway instead of school resulting from lack of sleep.

· looks intimidating but is the first to talk to a new kid in class and show them around as he’s president of the school’s student council; smiles and laughs a lot once you get to know him, and is also very caring, reliable.

· he wishes to apply for a music production company after his college graduation but his family turned the idea down almost immediately and sent him to a boarding school in Europe.

· chan starts taking notice in strange things at his new school after the first few weeks; for example: how they unreasonably force students to have a daily health checkup, how their food taste like medicine most of the times, teachers don’t really seem to care about what they’re teaching and some of his classmates mysteriously ‘move away’ whenever security shows up at their dorm in the middle of the night.

· after finding out where they actually are via photos of students being locked up inside cells, arms and legs chained up like domestic animals, injected with odd substances on a daily basis which were taken by an anonymous individual, chan secretly packs his stuff and decides to ditch this so-called boarding school for good.

· he works hard to hide his identity ensuing flying back to his hometown for a solid three weeks and the fact that there are more people cursed with supernatural abilities begins dawning onto him; cutting off contact with his family completely, moving from one crusty apartment to another every month, chan tackles this crazy idea of assembling a group consisted of extraordinary people to give him a hand with creating a safe environment for the ‘gifted’ youths.

— lee minho ↠ collapse

· law major, quite the loner, raised by a single mother; didn’t have much since little but his mother’s love and affection make up for everything.

· looks intimidating, is actually intimidating; the only person he talks to in college is his dance coach, doesn’t like school nor has many friends; his slightest glare is as cold as a wife trying to win custody of her children in court.

· minho can make his surroundings crumble and fall apart with his mind, which shouldn’t be confused with telekinesis since he can’t physically move objects to his will; this deadly power is triggered whenever he’s experiencing extremely negative emotions like fear or anguish and he’s not (still isn’t) very good at getting a hold of it.

· a group of suspicious men shows up at his house one day as he returns home from dance practice; they claim to be an agency looking for up and coming talents but by the way that his mother is staring at the ground nervously with her legs trembling, his institution tells him that something’s off.

· he firmly declines their offer with a stiff “I’m uncertain that I’m the talent you gentlemen are looking for, but you should know that when the cops are here to fill out their reports, I’m gonna be very helpful, as helpful as possible.”

· “what other random merry of fucking misdemeanors are going to pop up once they go through your records? domestic violence? illegal substances and weapons possession? human trafficking?”

· with a gun to her head, his mom scrambles to her knees and begs him to go with them, admitting that she’s already signed the contract; if he follows their orders and agrees to become an experimental subject, she won’t have to worry about any financial problems for the rest of her life.

· in the heat of the moment, they ultimately force him to activate his power for the very first time; as a result, his house collapses, the death of his only family and the group of men following suit.

· “I’m too late.”

· chan manages to find minho under the aftermath, severely injured and is hanging by a string of life so fragile that can only be saved after undergoing a twelve-hour operation at the hospital.

— seo changbin ↠ sound waves manipulation

· a good student, reputable within his social sphere at school, and comes from a pretty well-off family.

· changbin is able to bend and control sound waves to his advantage; whether it’s simply for his musical instruments or moving objects around, he can also use something as minor as his own heartbeat when he’s emotionally unstable; using the ability continuously for too long can give him severe migraines and potentially damage his brain to a degree if he’s not mindful of it.

· he stays up late at night to write and produce his own songs, keeping it a secret from his parents; posts his own songs on a SoundCloud account, or performs even live at a random underground club under the alias SpearB if he has the chance to.

· an organization full of outlaw scientists comes across a video of his performance on the web, analyzing how he can enhance the beat, his vocal cords without the help of any form of technology, and just like that, he easily tops the list of their targets.

· having no choice but to do what they want when those men hold his parents hostage inside his family’s mansion, changbin gets sent to the same boarding school as chan but they’re being observed in different buildings for his power is on the more useful and dangerous side; hence, his classes consist of a smaller amount of students and they are put through checkups more constantly.

· he doesn’t really pay attention to the skepticisms that reek off all over the place as he’s too busy being homesick and studying because he fully believes that the harder he works, the more obediently he acts, the sooner they’ll let him go; all hell breaks loose when those photos are scattered everywhere, from the hallways to the bathrooms; changbin takes advantage in the riot to get himself out of there as quickly as he can possibly run to the airport.

· changbin swears to never trust anyone again until chan and minho find him sleeping inside an abandoned grocery store with a pistol inside his sleeping bag, two daggers concealed in his sleeves at all times.

· “are we seriously going to contain some headass who was this close to blowing my brain out of my head?”

· “huh, funny, last time I checked, you almost smothered me to death under a gigantic block of cement when I was trying to save your life.”

· “who are you guys and how the hell did you get in here? I don’t recall not locking the door.”

— hwang hyunjin ↠ permeation & memory manipulation

· a true theater kid, meaning he knows almost everyone but every single student at school knows him; naturally, becomes the Prince after playing one too many male lead roles because of his godly features; rather well-mannered and diligent though he doesn’t look like it.

· mistaken to be a player by every new batch of freshmen that only ever gets to watch him practicing his lines from afar, swooning tremendously whenever he ties up his hair; always carries a camera around, doesn’t like to have too many friends but if you get close enough, he’s probably the most fun to be around, won’t ever judge your questionable life choices.

· hyunjin’s ability allows him to walk right through walls as well as any other solid matters but it will drain his stamina painstakingly, causing him to run short on breaths after using his power to change his costumes faster between scenes; the thicker the wall is, the more strength it takes for him to pass through completely.

· he can also erase a certain chunk of memory from someone’s mind but he needs to physically touch them; has only used this ability one time to wipe his existence out of a childhood best friend’s mind before moving away from his hometown. 

· his interest in photography sparks the moment his uncle comes back from a business trip and gives him a toy camera, it’s nowhere near the real ones but the ten-year-old hwang hyunjin sure takes it very, very seriously; after a decade or so, he has replaced it with cameras that actually work and developed quite the talent for taking photos of sceneries and people (jisung is his number one victim but he can’t care less as long as he looks decent and that hyunjin won’t save any crack ones to blackmail him).

· suddenly gets a sketchy summer scholarship to a boarding school in London (the same so-called school that Chan and Changbin went to), his mom encourages him to go after looking it up on the internet without knowing the chances of her own son being exploited for twisted science is shockingly high.

· and the culprit who takes those photos during a wandering around school after curfew is none other than hyunjin himself; he knows damn well posting those photos means getting himself into trouble but heck, his conscience forbids him to leave this hell-on-earth place without alerting these innocent people.

· so the night before those photos are spread everywhere, in every corner, every edge of the building, hyunjin smashes his camera completely with a baseball bat and burns the broken bits in the school backyard; he tries getting through those sleep-deprived men in their fifties who aren’t likely paid enough with his ability and flees.

· surprisingly, he comes rushing into his best friend’s house right after his horrendous flights only to find him being surrounded by three mysterious men.

— han jisung ↠ plunder

· the jokester of the class, takes great joy in stressing the living daylights out of his professors with irrational questions that aren’t necessarily relevant to the lesson, procrastinates, and sleeps through lessons like there’s no tomorrow but still keeps that shiny ‘A’ on his report card nonetheless.

· being friends with hyunjin results in occasional admirers here and there for him but he does kinda have his own fandom base after being pulled upstage out of the blue in the middle of last year’s spring music festival, musing him an opportunity to show off his rapping skills; because of that event, he takes writing music more seriously with the stage name J.One.

· if jisung is being honest, he hardly uses his power since it’s basically taking over anyone’s body and mind for a maximum of five seconds meanwhile his own body is immobile; and if any physical effects occur (for example, a basketball hits him on the head spontaneously), he’s obligated to endure that pain for that person until they become conscious of their own body again.

· he’s not a creep, he swears.

· and who knows? what if his body gets kidnapped within those five seconds?

· hyunjin and jisung know about each other’s ability but don’t really discuss nor talk about them because they don’t find walking through walls or temporarily possessing someone’s body cool.

· well, that’s that until chan, minho and changbin show up at his house the same day when hyunjin returns from his summer exchange program with a cut lip and bruised knuckles. 

· “han jisung, you’re going to have to come with us unless you want to live inside a cage for the rest of your life.”

· “I’m sorry, are you threatening me?”

· “we’re trying to protect you, smartass, you’re far too dangerous to be roaming the streets so freely.”

· “....me? I’m dangerous?”

· jisung not knowing the slightest bit about his own ability downright baffles chan—he’s only scratched the surface of it at this point; his true potential is if he’s taking over another ability-wielder’s body, he will then take their power for himself; and jisung can’t remember the last time he properly uses it either.

— lee felix ↠ imperfect invisibility

· initially lives in Australia but after finding out about his ability, he moves to Seoul with his parents to live a quieter, more covered-up life without being surrounded by too many relatives.

· an absolute sweetheart, smart, kind, honest, a little slow to read in between the lines at times; can concentrate relatively well on an empty stomach, but gets drowsy quickly after eating, especially big meals. 

· lix is also homeschooled up until high school in order to avoid any unwanted situation; later on, applies for a course that can be taken online for the most parts at an average-ish university to not draw so much attention. 

· since he stays at home most of the time, he spends lots of time playing different video games, experiences random cooking recipes without burning the house down, and teaches himself how to dance through online tutorials, getting awfully good at it fast partially thanks to his natural flexibility.

· he can disappear from a single person’s field of vision for as long as he wants to but it’s still limited and considered flawed since felix can only disappear from the sight one person of his choice at a time; although it can come in quite handy whenever he gets shoved into a dark alleyway by random people varying from cheap pickpockets with a box-cutting knife to muscular men dressed in black.

· learns boxing during middle school so he can still kick asses to preserve his own life.

· felix once punches jisung in the gut and slaps hyunjin in the face with a cabbage after seeing them follow each and every one of his movements the moment he steps out of the supermarket—he’s got used to listening to people’s footsteps over time. 

· “okay, first of all, ow, and second of all, why did I get the punch and he got the cabbage?!”

· “oh, don’t be such a baby.”

· “you two don’t look like those balding dudes in money-dripping black suits...what are you on? crack? what do you want from me? money? food?”

· “of course we’re not balding men in their forties! I take personal offense to that! and please, who do you take me as? a total creep who only ever knows how to follow people with his stupid sidekick tagging along for background noises?”

· “HEY! I NEVER AGREED TO BE YOUR SIDEKICK!”

· “well, it’s time you fucking did then, han.”

· “you know, I suppose this is the part where you two put me to sleep with some kind of drug and bring me back to your excuse of a headquarter.”

· “oh, did you bring the anesthetic pills?”

· “I thought Changbin gave it to you, no?”

— kim seungmin ↠ time-leap

· born in a middle-class family, very studious but also enjoys playing baseball during retreats, takes time to open up to people so he has more acquaintances than close friends but he doesn’t mind, that way he has more time for himself. 

· definitely and never will be the kid who lets his classmates take advantage of his wit, he does do a good chunk of every group project but makes sure everyone has at least one decent thing to do (low-key loves bossing people around); can be pretty distant at first, but he just weirds people out after getting closer and doesn’t hold grudges.

· seungmin is capable of bringing himself back to a specific past event to alter the future outcome though it won’t work most of the time unless he really, really has to for safety purposes or the situation gets out of hands; time-leaping won’t activate if he wants to retake a test but works like a charm when he tries to save a kid on the street from a car accident.

· actually does deep, proper research into other ability-wielders and often stays in school during nighttime to read the news, articles or anything that he can find on the web to learn about how that one cryptic boarding school in Europe that’s accused of abusing their students got shut down all of a sudden, the students never return and family members never bother to look for them. 

· hence, he adapts to hiding his ability and himself fairly well—never takes the late-night buses, doesn’t try to become close and bond with other people, asks his parents to change the door lock every month, burns bills each time he purchases something but he tries not to go out as much as possible. 

· seungmin has seen hyunjin use his power once by accident but decided to say nothing about it; eventually finds chan’s headquarter (which is just his crusty apartment) by following jisung and hyunjin after their practice hour, baffles them all a little but joins in no time. 

· after asking hyunjin to erase his parents’ memory about himself, seungmin gives everyone a hand for their plan of building a school and campus, completely safe and under the radar for other ability welders until their adolescence is over; he time-leaps back to back in order to collect as much information about lottery tickets as he can.

· another flaw occurs when he travels to the past for the third time: his eyesight gets weaker and weaker every time he time-leaps so he starts wearing glasses as a temporary resolution but chan stops him when he tries to do it for the fifth time, saying that they would rather work hard for a little longer than have seungmin lose his vision forever. 

· after over a year or so, they successfully repurchase an education organization and officially establish an exclusive academy for ability-wielders, reaching out to those individuals before scientists can get a hold of them. 

— yang jeongin ↠ superhuman speed

· the quiet kid who most likely won’t talk unless the teacher asks him to answer a question or someone tells him to let them copy his homework; has his earbuds in most of the time to pretend he can’t hear what people are saying so he won’t have to interact with them. 

· joins after you when chan finds him hitting a wall head-on at an abnormal speed while trying to save a kitten in the middle of the streets. 

· jeongin has extremely enhanced agility and reflexes but he still lacks accuracy for he is naturally a clumsy person; therefore, changbin tells him to wear a protective layer under his uniform so even in the worst-case scenario, he can jump off a building and make it out with minor scratches. 

· reluctantly buys lunch for every member of the student council (aka 00 liners + you) on a daily basis although he can’t really see which kind of sandwiches he’s grabbing at and they end up being mushy most of the time. 

· and for those people who say his resting face is scary, he’s mainly just frustrated because of his friends. 

· also usually is the one who returns with the most injuries because of his own ability—he always flees like his life depends on it to save jisung’s ass from being hit by a truck and hyunjin’s camera from being crushed (the sole purpose of the student council will be explained more thoroughly later).

· has single-handedly saved everyone inside a bookstore when a sudden fire breaks out. 

· minho scolds him and felix a lot for spending too much time at the arcade after school instead of doing their required tasks. 

· acts all tough and mature since he’s the youngest of the squad, loves to make fun of jisung for his height but still is and probably will always be a complete child who hates eating vegetables with a passion; gets yelled at a lot whenever there’s a BBQ party since he only ever eats meat. 

· “corn? why are we raiding the Asian market for corn at one AM?”

· “an outdoor, wholesome BBQ isn’t complete without corn, duh.”

· “do you want to get us caught?!”

· “oh please, they’re going to show up either way.”

· “YOU’RE NOT MAKING ANY SENSE!”

— y/n (reader) ↠ telepathic manipulation

· president of the student council, stubborn, slightly less bossy than seungmin, appears to be apathetic and cranky mainly because you can’t sleep that well; with that being said, you don’t feel too tired during ungodly hours when people are tossing around in the comfort of their bed but snap at irritating people a lot in the morning if they’re making too much noise. 

· your ability allows you to control people to your will, from something as meaningless as slamming their head through a wall to life-threatening actions like forcing them to point a knife at their own throat; it’s somewhat similar to jisung’s power though you don’t have to physically feel what your target is going through and you don’t need to worry about taking over their body.

· the only downside to it is that you easily fall asleep the moment you set your target free.

· minho is the one who gets you out of the laboratory where your parents were working on a huge, secret project about individuals with supernatural abilities for an unknown organization; you’re unfortunate enough to become their first-ever experimental subject which only nourishes resentment slowly, gnawing at your sanity while you’re dreading each day behind those cold metal bars. 

· perhaps joining the student council is what makes your life less depressing, perhaps; you’re far too busy facepalming at the beautiful monstrosity of their friendship and feeding them ensuing returning to the dorm after school since those boys only know how to eat, cooking is too much for them to comprehend (albeit felix).

· when your family was still… normal, your parents sent you to martial art classes every weekend so like felix, you don’t actually need your power to save yourself from some random mobsters on the streets.

· you’re also the only person who eats vegetables properly and even tries to incorporate more fiber into their diets but as always, they never listen, especially hyunjin when it comes to green onions.

· don’t have the best reputation in the academy because the idea of letting the new girl with a seemingly useless ability become president of the student council isn’t very appealing to many people, and it doesn’t help when every member of the council is exclusively allowed to drop out in the middle of a class to ‘collect’ any ability-wielders that chan manages to locate that day since he’s always worn out with changbin and minho from boring paperwork as well as other businessy stuff.

· even when your ability is considered almost perfect, you’ve only used it once when you thought minho was going to sell you off to another place and almost made him put a bullet through his own brain; you’ve refrained yourself from using it since that day.

[fairycosmos]

out of school because it’s too much and my mental health can’t physically take it. But I can’t drop out cause my mum would force me into work and I am absolutely not ready for that either. This is the most genuinely I’ve wanted to die my whole life and I’m so fucking scared about what I’ll to myself/others and. I’m a monster and I don’t see anyway out of this alive or without serious damage being done. (Part 3 i think lmao sorry bad memory) - CH

hey my love. i'm really sorry to hear that you're in such a scary and upsetting headspace right now and i genuinely can not imagine how fucking difficult it must be. the stress alone is incomprehensible to me. i wanted to thank you first and foremost for being so honest and open and i really think that in and of itself is smth to be proud of. to be real, going off what you've told me, there's so much happening and there is absolutely nothing i can say over the internet to immediately change it, unfortunately. like there's no sentence in the universe that will make everything better right away, though i wish there was. so i'm going to try and talk about neutral facts and the reality of things for a bit, because it's good to ground yourself in that clairty when you can. so, you're dealing with a lot of intercepting mental illnesses and it's obviously resulting in you having very untrue thoughts/very dangerous urges. your brain is making you endure things that are uncontrollable, things that are not a reflection of you or your actual desires, even if it doesn't seem that way at the moment. it's awful when your own thoughts are so graphic and horrible that they scare you, but it's very common for people in your situation and it doesn't mean you're a bad person at all. i can't stress that enough. in addition, the self destruction that you want to indulge in is not a train of thought that can be trusted at all, and if you were to act on it, it would only exacerbate your other symptoms. it is a cycle and not a way of life, not an indication of who you are. you're not well, and it's okay not be well, but understanding why suicide is not going to solve anything is a significant step and you must force yourself to take it. it's wonderful that you're talking to professionals, but the thing about treating mental illness is that it's a lot of trial and error. if you feel your medication isn't working you have to speak up, if you feel you don't click w your therapist you have to speak up, if your mental health is continuing to decline you have to speak up. the issues you've described, eating disorders and psychotic symptoms and such, all need to be treated w very specific forms of therapy and perhaps medication, but that can only be achieved if you are straight up with those around you. it's very frustrating to reach out and not notice any difference, but stagnancy is unfortunately a part of figuring out what you actually need. i know it's a lot of effort, and i swear it's alright to get overwhelmed, even to want to give up sometimes. as painful as it is to be in that position, exhaustion is inevitable. but the chaos you're currently experiencing is absolutely not a permanent state of being. it's a stepping stone between blindingly stumbling through the dark and finding the first lamp to guide the way, if that makes sense. i can tell you have some level of self awareness, you can distinguish that you're sick and not thinking properly, and that's a good sign. even though you've been having these alarming urges, the fact that you haven't acted on them and that you can see that they are products of the illnesses is very promising. it's easy to reject treatment or to minimise the seriousness of what's going on but it's honestly the same as any physical illness - it needs medical attention. that's the bottom line. that's what breaks the pattern. the fear of being admitted to hospital is very real but that's usually a drastic step and there are other ways to intensify the support you're getting before they decide you need in patient care. make the professionals hear you out, even if your voice shakes, even if you're embarrassed. they've heard worse, and they're not there to judge you. if you want the terrifying thoughts to stop, admitting to having them is a part of that. i understand not being able to drop out, but if you need to take a step back from your school work or take a mental health day every now and then, or if you need to talk to your teachers about getting additional support, that really is okay. no matter what your mum says, no matter what anyone says. your health is always going to be more important than your grades or your career and if your mum cant understand that she's just going to have to live with it. middle aged people are often just ignorant. her opinion doesn't matter in this context if she's not even attempting to understand. look, trying to hold onto any positive coherent concept must be so hard for you at the moment, so i'm telling you from a level of reality that is not warped by your illnesses - it's ok to slow down, it's ok to be scared, it's ok to need more help, it's ok to be confused. you need to find a moment to breathe. you need to make the conscious choice to act with your own well being in mind despite the temptations of your illnesses. it feels impossible until you try it, okay? wanting to die, while not normal, is a common thought and just because you experience it does not mean you need to act on it, does not mean it holds any weight. you don't want to not exist, you just want to stop existing like this, and that can be achieved through so many different avenues that don't include taking your own life. i honestly can't understate the importance of that. i really do believe that with every 'episode' you are going to learn more about how to manage them, how to navigate your life not in spite of your illnesses but while working on them. the goal isn't to be suddenly cured, it's just to cope one day at a time. you are not monster, you are a person who is struggling and that's not a crime, not at all. it's not a matter of blame or guilt. not being able to see a way forward is the biggest trick of the brain that mental illness will continue to force onto you, but seriously, if you stick around the natural path of your lifetime is going to find you eventually. you're not immune to positive change and a wide open future just because you're ill. and mental illness will always make you feel otherwise, but that's because it wants you not to try. defy it when possible. you're strong enough. you're not a lost cause. you're proving that every day. please, if you feel like you're in immediate danger of taking your own life, please call someone or stay within a safe environment. this sounds empty but it's just not fucking worth it, not when there are so many other tactics, not when there's so much more to you and your life than what you've been through. you know your perception is fucked right now therefore you have to realise on some level that acting on it would be pointless. i get that the pain is beyond words. i get that it's easy for me to say all this without living it. but i'm hoping that some part of this reaches the part of you that was coherent enough to ask for help in the first place. your life is so precious, and that's not just a cliché, it's a fact. your one shot at human existence does not deserve to be cut short because of temporary situations and factors that are out of your hands. please please consider what it means to actively take care of yourself, even in the smallest of ways, from here on out. let that be enough because it is. i believe in you with all of my heart and i hope you know how resilient and capable you actually are as a person, and not as a concept that is marred by your own self hatred. i'm so proud of you for continuing to survive and for making it this far. i really really hope you're okay and that you're able to allow yourself to tackle one obstacle at a time. it's fine to have a bad day but please just let it be that and nothing more. take it a step at a time. i'm sending you so much love and i hope you know that i'm always here if you want to talk about anything, hit me up anytime. you're not alone and you don't have to deal with this alone, no matter what your brain tells you. https://ibpf.org/resource/list-international-suicide-hotlines

[tthevoidinmysoul]

thoughts on 2016 - 31/12/2016

hey there. This is gonna be a summary of 2016 or smth. Here it goes.

For starters! DAMN. Okay so I read both 2014 and 2015′s entry and wow? haha I guess it’s been a trip man. To both of you, I want to pat your backs so much. It’s gotten better. So so much better.

This was my 2nd year studying Animation. It’s thought that it’s the hardest?? of em? because we have 2 shortfilms to work on, one 2D and another 3D (each one in a semester). And BOY was it hard as fuck.

Do you by any chance remember that girl who yelled at me in front of everybody? That one I swore I’d never ever work with again in my life? WELL I GOT NEWS FOR U LMAO. For the 2D shortfilm, someppls and I in my generation had organized ourselves to be in the same team. It was going to be a BIG team. 9 ppl big. And we were the better half of the generation, the “hardworkers” and “talented” ones. The first day of class? They kicked me out of the team. Just like that. I was damn angry, Hell, I was enraged. They wouldnt give me explanations as to why was I kicked out, just a simple “my team is full, deku” was all I got from a girl (who has the shittest personality of all) (let’s call her Shitty, bc she’s going to be recurrent in this story). So I had to enter the other team. Crybaby was there (let’s call her crybab lmao), and we were like “ok, whatever”. The team I entered was very aware of my discomfort about not being with them, and as soon as I realized I was making it uncomfortable, I changed my attitude. If i’m going to do it with them, I’m going to do it damn right. It’s going to sound harsh, but I had to work with what I had. Long short story, Shitty was shitty all the way and I gained a lot of uh negativity from my generation aaaaaaaall the semester. Once the team (that means I, nobody else spoke that much tbqh) confronted Crybaby bc she seriously didnt do a FLYING FUCK and she cried and our teacher believed all the things she said. She even started attacking ME (personal things?? she bought up what happened last semester and i’m like *inhales* BOI) but well, whatever. She got out of the school lol.

NOW, to add gasoline to the fire, I started hanging out with prodigy boy. WINKS @ 2015 DEKU HE’S UR BEST FRIEND NOW HOW’S THET SHIT BROOOOOO!! So let’s call him Poop. Since Poop and I were the “most outstanding students” in the career, we were of course targeted. He was going through a hard time with himself and other ppl, I was just starting with mine lol, so we were like, hated by both our generations. It didn’t help we were teammates in a subject, seriously it was super hard. But that got us very very close and now I just wow, I’m so happy. I WANT TO WRITE ABOUT HIM BUT IT’S NOT THE TIME!! Later.

Our 2D SF was a bit shit. Not VERY shit, but not the best either. The other team did a better job, buT BECAUSE THEY DIDNT HAVE ANY FUCKING WALKING CYCLES AND THAT’S CHEATING. Lol it itsnt but I stand that ours was at least more complex than theirs. We finished 2 hours b4 turning in the video lmao.

During the semester I got into a project with one of my teammates (let’s call her Copycat) in which we had to do a 2D animation for our school. It was going SO WELL. It went cool tbh. But at the end of the semester, thanks to Poop we found out she’d been copying music without giving credit to the respective authors (first for our SF and with a lil bit of investigation I found that she’d done the same with most of the digitalizations of the animation for school). I confronted her and she was like “it isn’t my fault that they’re doing the same as I am” and i’m like BRO. Whatever, she can go fuck off.

Now, after the semester ended, I approached a guy who was (was bc he graduated this yr lol) a film student, let’s call him CoolGuy, to see if he wanted to be in my 3D SF team. I told him that for the moment, it was Copycat (YES it had to be her bc she’s p much the only person who doesnt hate me in my generation), and AmazingArtist. She’s like, cRAZY TALENTED, she was in my 2D SF team and p much the only one who worked?? she’s so cool. He said he had to see with a teacher bc he was going to do his Thesis and al that stuff, so it’d be p hard for him to balance everything he was going to do, but that he was grateful I’d asked him (I was like BRO, YOU’RE THE BEST ANIMATOR ON OUR GENERATION [I know I said I was, that’s bc I was referring to the animation students. He’s better than me] WHY WHOUDLNT I).I also started hanging out with a teacher (he’ll be CoolTeach) (the teacher of the animation class from last yr) (bc he’s super young and cool and Poop and him are friends) and now we’re also FRONDS and that’s cool. We talked a bit in the summer since I was pitching my idea for the 3D shortfilm and stuff. He’s chill.

Summer vacation was another adventure. Poop and I had a lil bit of an argument ¿¿ kinda, not quite?? let’s call it a difference of ideas. So we didn’t talk that much. I went to Seattle with my sis-in-law to visit my brother who went once again to work there. Boi, it was sO BEAUTIFUIL. It gave me lots of expectations for an independent life and all, it’s still confusing and overwhelming but it was an amazing experience. I EVEN WENT TO THE GROCERIES. BY MYSELF ¿¿¿¿¿¿ that’s like, wow.

SUMMER ALSO WAS AMAZING BC I DISCOVERED VOLTRON LEGENDARY DEFENDER AND THAT SHOW GIVES ME LIFE TBH I’M STILL SCREAMING ABOUT IT!!!!!

So it was then time for the 3D SF. I SHOULD say that at this point, I had been approached by multiple people, including Shitty (who had been badmouthing me for the past year) saying that we should be together for this project. I was like HA yeah no bitch. In the end, our team was made of CoolGuy, Copycat, AmazingArtist, another guy who’s like, a ghost (guess he’ll be Ghostie) haha he’s a hardworker, but he’s not that good, plus he’s not that emotionally involved in the project, still, to have a person with a great disposition is way more valuable than any of the other guys who could’ve been in the team, and I (obviously lmao).

We did get a bit of hate by the other teams, all of course leadered by Shitty & Co. but tbqh we were having such a nice time that it didn’t matter that much. In the end, we finished with a GREAT PRODUCT, we’re going to festivals with our SF ;A; the judges loved it and it just, wow, I’m so so happy with it. sO to answer 2015 deku’s question, you did a GREAT JOB + got MORE FRIENDS and couldnt be better than this tbh.

Now in winter vacations, I’ve been hanging out with Poop, CoolTeach and CoolGuy bc they’re COOL and nice people and honestly i’m so happy with them. We have plans on opening a studio once we all gradute and I’m like ????? HOW DID I GET IN HERE but damn, i’m so happy. I seriously am.

I HAVE MORE TO SAY BUT DAMN I’M RUNNING OUT OF TIMEEEE maybe i’ll cheat and finish this tomorrow LOL.

quESTION TIME

How much did I fuck up? NOT THAT mUCH SURPRISINGLY I’M HAPPY

How did the SF went? GOOD; BETTER THAN EXPECTED TBH

Are you still friends with PB? Well, YES? He’s my best friend.. things have happened, I nEED to write about that, but we’re very happy and it doesn’t look like we’ll get separated soon hah. I HOPE I’M NOT JINXING IT RIP

Have you found yourself? Hell naw. But bro, i’m on the road. I swear I’m on the way this time. It feels amazing.

2016 YOU’VE BEEN ONE HELL OF A RIDE BUT I THANK U V MUCH FOR ALL THE THINGS UVE BROUGHT FOR ME. wait. EXCEPT BC TLOZ BOTW GOT DELAYED ONCE AGAIN I’M ANGRY BC OF THAT. FUCK YOU.

UHH QUESTIONS FOR 2017′S DEKU!

did u go to Spain????

how are things with Poop??

how’s doggo bc he’s old and i’m worried.

did you survive your 10 subject semester

(i’m guessing no)

YEA BOIIIIIIIIIIII 2017 COME AT ME YOU NERD!!! I’M READY

- A