#I’ll finish Logan’s analysis sometime :

[fanderstuckin2018]

Okay I loved Deceit, he’s probably my favorite side, but…I never figured out why this song was on his playlist. Hmm, maybe I just need to analyze some more…

[magpiemorality]

Remus Gets A Date, Intrulogical pt.2

Because I received several prompts asking for a continuation of the Creativitwins/Intrulogical ficlet and a bunch of very interestingly similar Intrulogical prompts! I’m estimating a total of 4 parts to this little story.

Prompts included:

Intrulogical in an aquarium or a museum? Logan gets to look at things that are interesting for science reasons, and Remus gets to look at jellyfish and bones and stuff. - @enby-phoenix

Trying to figure out how to word this is hard. But. I had a thought. I saw a post a while ago about a bunch of stuff a museum had but kept in the storage rooms because they were lewd, and a comment on that post was that they should have a separate section of the museum, with appropriate warning before entering, and still be able to display the things. Anyway, the thought I had was that Remus would love that. - @enby-phoenix

Can you continue the Creativitwins and Intrulogical prompt Please? Maybe they go to an aquarium or a library? - anon (there was a second part to the prompt that I don’t think I will include, sorry!)

First | AO3

***

Find out what he'd like to do. It seemed so easy in theory, just find out what Logan liked to do. Just talk to him, Remus, and ask him without coming across too badly, Remus, and then just offer to take him. 

Ugh. Remus was about to throw in the towel. He'd met Logan at an evening event at the more or less local Natural History museum, making friends with a kindred nerd easily. They'd bonded over making horrifying animal hybrids out of fabric, which had actually been the aim of the activity they'd signed up to but perhaps the detailed analysis and descriptions of the organs inside and the evolutionary journey hadn't been. In any case they'd had a whale of a time and Remus had been pleasantly surprised when Logan had asked if he wanted to go to another one. 

(That one had been spent discussing the merits of the museum opening an adult only section of all the juicier historical artefacts they had, which were out for the evening session and had Remus practically dancing with glee. Logan had won him over entirely by agreeing that even what was considered lewd history deserved a space to be discussed, acknowledged and perhaps learned from.)

On the surface of it the museum seemed like the perfect option, but there were two main problems with that idea; one was that they'd already technically done that before, and two was that the museum was free and their sort of not-date place to hang out. Remus wanted to do something new, exciting, and impressive. 

"You like biology right? Animals and shit?" He asked Logan one afternoon on the phone, chatting to his crush to pass the time while doing the groceries. 

Logan sounded fondly amused when he replied. "Yes, Remus. I like animals and shit," he parroted, the swear coming off strangely... okay it was hot, Remus could admit that. "I'm literally on a marine biology PhD, it's sort of important to have an interest."

Oh right. "Woops, well. Do you like the aquarium?" Remus tried, feeling his stomach swoop. He was doing this, apparently. 

Again Logan sounded amused. "I do. That again, ties in with what I've told you before."

"Right, right. Uh, do you want to go there with me sometime? I heard there was a jellyfish exhibit going to be done with some shows in the dark, and you know with the museum being done and all, I wouldn't get to see your face, and you're kinda funny, not your face! Your face isn't funny! You're funny, I mean, and that's a good thing, and I'd like to go look a jellyfish. With you! With you. Uh." Remus blinked at an old lady who was stopped next to him in the pasta aisle, raising an eyebrow at him with extreme judgement. "I'm trying here," he mouthed at her, but she just rolled her eyes with a huff and wandered off. 

"- and in fact this Friday there is going to be one after you finish with work, so you could meet me here then?" Logan was saying when Remus tuned back in and oh, apparently he'd missed the roaring success of his stammering request. 

"Wait, really?" He checked hopefully. Logan snorted. 

"Yes really. Marine. Biology. How could I refuse?" 

"Well then, it's a date! I mean, it's happening on a date. On a calendar date! And maybe..."

Thank god for Logan. "I would very much like for it to be a date, Remus," he cut in smoothly, saving Remus further embarrassment. "I'll see you at the entrance at about half six, so we can walk around before the show?" 

"It's a date," Remus whispered, hoping Logan could hear from his voice how wide he was smiling. 

When they ended the call he threw his fists in the air in triumph and did a little shimmy on the spot for sheer joy, sticking his tongue out at the old lady when she tutted and cut in front of him in the checkout queue. What a butthole.

--

Next

[ironwoman359]

Learning New Things About Ourselves

 Observations, thoughts, and screenshots! 

(under the cut, because spoilers and also LONG)

Patton: “Take it from me. That’s not the way to work out your feelings.” Oof, you really can see Patton’s growth in this episode, he’s so much more aware of himself now. 

Patton: *gasp* Logan!!!!

“It’s Patton!”

Oh my goodness, he’s so excited to see him, Logan, acknowledge him, he’s so happy to see you. 

Logan and Roman are acting like they haven’t even made the progress they have recently, that’s how you really know something is off with Thomas. 

Thomas: Uh, guys? *makes the face*

Patton: “*gasp* I know that face!”

“My child is returning”

Virgil: Thomas you have got to do something about this!  Thomas: But this is what they always do. Right? Oof, Thomas, even if so, that’s not good. You need to help them solve their issues, or there’s never going to be any peace around. 

Patton is so aggressive in his love for Virgil, it’s so cute. And AWWWWW, Virgil gave Patton a dad themed nickname! That’s so precious, my moxiety loving heart is so happy right now! 

AAAAAH, just look at them, they’re best friends and I love it so much. 

(also mood with the arm thing, Thomas)

Virgil’s just all Roman, you’re an insecure moron, Logan, you’re an inconsiderate jerk, can you both just COOL it now? I do love that now, Virgil acts much more often as the “common sense we need,” like, lately he’s been an identifier of a lot of the problems and now that he’s actually listened to, it makes things go way smoother. 

Roman: “I’m not insecure!” Yes sweetie, yes you are.

R&L: I’M THE MOST IMPORTANT SIDE HERE! Everyone’s faces omg:

Virgil: “All I’m saying is you both suck at what you do and I’m tired of having to keep lighting fires under your butts.” 

Also, typical, Roman is trying to defend himself, Logan took Virgil way too literally, and Virgil is making gay jokes until Patton calms them all down. 

Patton, my hero, knowing how to get each of them to shut up, I am so using that in future fics. 

They all zero in so quickly on what Patton gives them:

(Also look at Patton’s face, this is like, a rare moment when he shows off how powerful he actually is. Not just as a strong influencer in Thomas’s personality, but like, he knows them all so well. He knows how they all tick, he knows their feelings better than they do, and he knows exactly how to calm each of them down. He probably also knows exactly how to work each of them up, too, but he doesn’t because he’s Good. This just...it makes me think of human aus where Patton is somehow able to get the whole school to listen to him or retaliates against bullies, and I love it.) 

Happy, distracted bois.

Roman the artist, you’re doing amazing sweetie, wow.

Patton figuring all this out is my jam, tbh. 

You can see the gears turning in his head, and then he has that AhHa! moment, and he doesn’t have the answers, but he knows that’s okay, they just need to do some soul searching to find out what the question is. 

And the others don’t get what he means, but LOGAN, the smart one, he realizes! He understands, and he comes SO close to saying “Patton, you’re a genius!” that it physically hurt me. (I think Logan is afraid, in that moment, but I’ll leave that analysis for another post) 

Logan is so dang proud of himself for that hat. 

Thomas: How did I used to learn things? Logan: Textbooks. Roman and Virgil: Mistakes. Patton: Puppets!!!  I do find it telling that Virgil and Roman both claimed mistakes as Thomas’s biggest source of learning. It not only highlights their tendency to work together on things such as acting and creating, but also how much they both think about their own pasts...I think it’s safe to say that the two of them are more introspective than Patton and Logan. Patton has learned to be more introspective and aware of himself with time, but for both Roman AND Virgil, that constant inner thought process is at the core of their function. No wonder they gave the same answer to that question. 

Virgil immediately jumping to Patton’s defense, “OR we could hear him out! He’s already made ONE valid point today.” I love how protective Virgil is of Patton, and again, I’ll probably go deeper on this in another post. 

I like how this keeps the canon from the other shapeshifting video, that Virgil has a harder time shapeshifting than the others. I also love how he immediately was like “Nope, nope, I can’t pull this off this was dumb” until Thomas reassures him. 

Patton: “You know what happens when you assume! You make an AS out of SU and ME!”  Patton has the dirtiest sense of humor out of all of them and NO ONE shall convince me otherwise. 

Logan throwing that flashcard, yikes.  

So much anger, but also so much instant regret.

Honestly, I think he’s really scared of himself right here, and it’s no wonder that he offered to leave before he could make things worse. But then when Patton refuses to let him leave again (he remembers what happened last time), he seems so surprised, as though he hadn’t expected Patton to care about his opinion enough to ask him to stay. 

Patton is so on the right track here, jumping STRAIGHT to talking about feelings, even though the others don’t like that idea, he insists, knowing that it’s the only thing that will really help them. 

When Thomas expresses that he feels unworthy of feeling bad, Patton shoots that down, knowing it to be unhealthy. I also feel like the line “It’s not your feelings job to make sense,” isn’t just about emotions, it’s about him too. He knows he’s silly, he knows he doesn’t always make sense (especially the way Logan wants him to), but he also knows his worth as a part of Thomas. And he’s going to do his job, dang it. 

I like how Virgil calls out both Logan AND Roman equally in this, both telling Logan to cool it with the deadlines, but also agreeing that Roman hasn’t been performing adequately. I also like how Virgil isn’t right throughout the WHOLE video too, I mean, he’s wrong right here, trying to fix the issue he sees on the surface without first examining the underlying emotions, because that makes him, Anxiety, uncomfortable. 

When Logan insists that no one is listening to him, Thomas then says, alright, I’ll hear you out. What should we do? 

I love the way that Patton, yet again, was the one able to guide Thomas to the question he needed: Am I doing the right thing with my life?

Logan: “If you asked me, I could list several factors that could be contributing to your doubts.” *looks around the room* 

I love that Virgil finally is just like “woah, Logan, what are some of those things?” He knows that’s what Logan wants, and that he’s not going to continue until he hears that verbal validation. 

Virgil the Count. 

“NO ONE TAKES YOU SERIOUSLY!” “Four. Four uncomfortable characters. In this room.” 

Logan is very concerned about Thomas’s image (and also his own) and you can TELL he’s been thinking about this for some time, but been holding it back because, despite how concerned he is, the others seem happy. So he’s held in what he thinks. But he can’t do that any longer. 

“You eat some jam, accidentally tell a few puns and now you’re all sensitive about not being taken seriously?” “I’M NOT A JOKE!” Someone hug him.  He even flat out SAYS that right now, he’s not being listened to. “I can’t be thought of as such, because there will be times in which I must be heeded, and given our current circumstances, I clearly haven’t been.”

Virgil validating Logan’s opinions even as he expresses his disagreement. 

Virgil: “Don’t start with me Thomas. I have plenty of hate to go around.”  Patton: “Oh very funny Virgil, you cute little muffin. Thomas, you know he doesn’t mean it. Now––”  After this, you can see Virgil’s puppet reel back a little, and it’s a testament to how good the puppeteer is because you can tell that that statement...actually hurt him a little. Sure, maybe he won’t HATE Thomas, but he does sometimes still use the scare tactics to make his point, and in some ways, Patton undermined his point by brushing off his tactics. 

Virgil and Roman having a snark off, I am living.  Roman also realizing when he’s gone too far and admitting his flaws, I am so living.

Roman: I do feel bad.  Virgil: Well then maybe you should say you’re sorry.  Roman: You’re right.  Virgil: Oh, really?  He was so surprised when Roman admitted he was right, and even though he thought that apology was for him and it turned out to be for Logan, I think it’s telling that Virgil is still sometimes surprised when Roman admits that his point was good. 

Roman apologizing is so sweet.  “I still feel bad.” Patton knowing that if he lets Roman express himself in a way he’s comfortable, ah, I just love this whole sequence. 

Roman calling Logan and the others his loved ones <3 

The look Logan gives Patton when Patton starts sing/rapping about how he used to hide his feelings:

Aaaaaaa my heart look at him. 

Patton: “Everybody gets sad, even dads who have people to care for,”  Patton cares so much for the others my heart is so full. 

Virgil participating in the song happily and voluntarily, so much growth since Christmas!!!

Virgil: “I thought that I could take it, all the hate would just be shaken, but when you lo– CARE for someone, not much hurts more than their scorn. I also felt bad.”  Roman: “Oh, come now–”  I just, love everything about this. Virgil’s lines, him almost saying love, but changing it last second, Roman literally��reaching out to him, it’s just all so perfect <3. 

The music shifting into minor when Logan interrupts with his frustration, and YES, his and Thomas’s duet is fabulous. I get major Lin Manuel Miranda vibes from their section. (thank you @digitally-analog for the transcription.)  Thomas: This just serves as testament to the fact you have a temperament which is fine, you just haven’t accepted it. If you let them finish they’d get to the– Logan: This just serves as testament to the fact that to me, you’re negligent which is fine, it just works to your detriment. You not letting me finish is just proving my– 

Virgil: “HEY! ... You’re lost. It’s okay. I was lost once too,”  Virgil pulling through for them, YES, and I love how he’s able to just so clearly let the others know what they’re feeling sometimes. “You’re lost,” it reminds me of when in Patton’s room, he said “You’re afraid.” Patton may be most emotions, but those kinds of emotions are ones that Virgil is very familiar with, and ones he can spot easily in his friends, and ones he doesn’t want to see them go through the way he had to.

Virgil: No one wants to be a joke, T, R & P: but a life without jokes is incomplete! 

Roman’s bits, omg. 

Thomas: It’s alright, Princey, honestly it didn’t hurt me, it’s clear you’re the one who’s hurting.  Roman: Huh?  I just, someone take both him AND Logan to therapy, they are so emotionally unaware. 

Virgil: “You feel low.”  Coming through again with that problem identifying. 

P&V: “We embrace you,”  Roman: “That’s rich.”  Virgil (gently): “No one hates you.”  I think it’s so important that this line comes from him, because of all the sides, Roman probably feels like Virgil has the most justification to hate him, but here his is quietly reassuring him. 

Roman and Logan FINALLY talking to each other, THANK YOU 

And Logan realizing that the song was actually part of the conversation, and not random like he thought, you go you silly nerd, you’re getting it! Logic is always there, even in the methods that he doesn’t necessarily understand, and that the silliness and dramatics that Patton and Roman love can still be intelligent. 

“Why did I never question people’s belittling views on what I do?”  THERE IT IS THOMAS YOU GOT IT!

Nice DHMIS reference. 

Logan and Roman making up aaaaaah yay. Thomas and Virgil are so proud! 

Virgil telling Patton how he feels, but trying so hard to do it in a way that won’t hurt Patton’s feelings. I’m so proud of him. 

I’m so proud of ALL of them, they did so good. Thomas did good. Character Thomas and real Thomas, this video was amazing, and I loved it. That’s it for this post, but there will be more to come!  –Taylor <3

[callboxkat]

(Un)Broken - part 5

Author’s note: Sorry about the wait on this one!

Warnings: censored swearing, slamming doors, headache mention

Word count: 1340

Check the notes for the masterpost!

...

On Monday night, Virgil was just trying to mind his own business, getting started on an essay for his Spanish class—just a boring analysis of a story they were reading with a love triangle or something (ugh)—when he heard the apartment door unlock. Virgil glanced up towards the door, wondering why Remy was home so early.

Only to jump when the door was slammed shut, Remy’s bag thrown to the ground with a seemingly undue amount of vehemence. Remy himself let out a groan of rage, stalking towards his bedroom and slamming that door behind him too, even louder than the first. Virgil could’ve sworn he heard a cracking sound.

Virgil stared after him, his eyes as wide as saucers. He sat there in shock for several minutes, then slowly put his laptop and papers to the side. He got up and padded over to Remy’s closed door

Virgil hesitantly raised a hand, then set his jaw and knocked quietly, wanting to see if his roommate was alright.

“F*ck off, Virgil!”

Virgil took a sharp step away, yanking his hand back like he’d been burned. He heard a few tearing sounds from within the room, followed by a muffled crash.

Okay, so Remy was clearly not alright; but it was also just as clear that now was a bad time. Virgil awkwardly backtracked, going back over to his laptop.

Virgil had already finished his essay—a four-page monstrosity in Spanish—by the time he saw his roommate again. Even then, all he did was emerge to drag his bag into his room and shut the door again. No hello, no acknowledgement of Virgil or of what had happened earlier.

He didn’t see Remy again that night.

…

The next morning, Virgil drove to campus at an ungodly early hour to print his Spanish paper at the library, so it was no surprise that he didn’t see Remy before he left.

At the library, because luck was always on Virgil’s side, one of the printers was occupied with someone’s 100-page packet (perhaps an exaggeration, but it didn’t feel that way), and the other one was jammed. So, by the time he made it to his Spanish class, he only had about ten seconds to spare. He plopped down in his seat, panting slightly, just before the professor shut and locked the door.

They spent much of the class period going over each other’s papers. Virgil didn’t really see the point—it was only the second Spanish class most of them had taken, so none of them were very good at the language’s vocabulary or grammar, and many of the notes they made on each other’s assignments were likely incorrect. Wouldn’t it have been better to get corrections from the actual professor? But he figured she’d probably have claimed it was good practice or something. He didn’t know.

At the end of class, Virgil traded papers back with the girl he’d been partnered with, regarding the liberally applied red pen on his own work with a sigh.

…

Just as on Monday, Logan wasn’t at lunch that day either.

Patton kept looking around, a worried frown on his face, clearly not paying much attention to either Virgil’s or Roman’s attempts at conversation. After about twenty minutes of this, Virgil slipped his essay out of his bag and slid it over to Roman across the table.

“Hey, um, could you look at this for me?” he asked. “We’re supposed to edit them but, like, I’m not sure if these corrections are right.”

Roman took the paper, and a delighted look came over his face when he realized that it was a Spanish assignment. He was always trying to get Virgil to speak Spanish with him.

“Ay, ¡que chévere!” he said.

“Um—” Virgil wanted to be clear, “—just make sure the grammar corrections are right, please. I’m not—I’m not really s’posed to ask native speakers for help.” He wasn’t actually sure on that, since it wasn’t as if he were asking Roman to write the paper for him, but he figured his professor would have frowned on it anyway.

“Well, technically, I didn’t start learning Spanish until I was four,” Roman said with a mischievous shrug. “But, okay, corrections only. I’ll look it over, if you ask me nicely, en español.”

Virgil rolled his eyes. “Ayúdame con el ensayo, por favor,” he recited flatly.

“Well, since you asked so nicely,” Roman grinned.

Roman took out a pencil and had been marking up the page for about five minutes, Virgil leaning across the table to watch, when Patton seemed to give up on Logan showing up (by this point, their free period was already more than half over). He slumped down in his seat with a sigh and seemed to notice for the first time what Virgil and Roman were doing.

“What’s that?” he asked.

“An essay about a beautiful, tragic, and tragically fictional love story,” Roman answered. “Although, it could definitely be gayer.”

“It’s just a plain old love triangle,” Virgil sighed. “Nothing we haven’t read fifty times before.”

Roman shrugged. “Yeah, well.”

“Is it for your Spanish class?” Patton asked.

“Yep. I think my chem professor might be confused if I try to hand this in to him.”

“Not if the characters have a lot of chemistry!”

Virgil smirked, but there was also a brief, half-second-long awkward pause: normally, Logan would have groaned loudly at the pun, but he wasn’t here. Patton looked a little put out. Roman tried to jump in.

“Good one, Pat!” he said, sounding just a slightly forced.

Patton smiled, his eyes a little sad. “So, I meant to tell you guys… thanks for putting up with that… whatever that was, yesterday.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Roman insisted. “Everyone gets a little insecure sometimes.” Virgil nodded to show his agreement.

“Still… I know I was being a bit ridiculous. So, thanks.”

Virgil put his head down on his arms, resting on the table. “Nah, that wasn’t ridiculous.” His voice was slightly muffled now, but still perfectly understandable.

“I just hope Logan’s okay.”

“Just wait, he’s gonna show up tomorrow, just fine,” Roman said. “Probably completely oblivious that we were worried about him.”

“I’m gonna shoot him a text,” Virgil said. Maybe he could find out what was going on. He knew Patton had already been texting him, but none of them had checked in within the past few hours. He freed one of his arms to grab for his phone. As he finished typing out his message, Roman slid his essay back across the table, the corrections corrected.

“Thanks,” he mumbled. “Or gracias, if it’ll make you happy.”

“It does,” Roman said, so seriously that Patton giggled. Virgil shook his head and hit ‘send’.

Virgil: Hey L, you coming to history today?

He waited several minutes. It was getting pretty close to when they had to head to class. Finally, three dots appeared on screen, showing that Logan was typing.

Logan: No

“That’s it?” Patton asked, sounding disappointed. He’d been watching the phone screen over Virgil’s shoulder. “Just ‘no’?”

Virgil shrugged, and typed another message. Roman reached over and grabbed his and Patton’s trays, setting them on top of his own before getting up to take care of them. They really were running out of time. Class started in six minutes, and it took five to get there.

Virgil: Any reason why?

There was another pause, and then:

Logan: Hesadaxhe

Virgil blinked, for a second wondering if Logan was typing in some foreign language.

“…Headache?” Patton guessed.

“Probably what he meant,” Virgil sighed in agreement. He sent off one last pair of quick texts as he grabbed his bag, and the three of them headed off to class.

Virgil: Sorry

Virgil: Feel better!

The short, clipped texts felt rather hollow, but he hoped Logan would realize that it was only because of the time. Besides, if Logan had a headache, he probably wouldn't want to be reading a paragraph, anyway. Virgil hoped he was alright.

[benbarnesescape]

For Old Time’s Sake - Part 2

Logan x Reader

Warnings: M for Mature (18+ SMUT, Language)

A/N: For @thesandbeneathmytoes I love you so much and know you have had a tough week so I hope this makes up for it! Lots of fluffy Logan with a splash of angst. Well lots of angst because you gotta be angsty if you dealing with Logan, lets be real. Also for @binbonsadoration who is always bringing me back to my man ;)

It was his soft morning kisses. The way his soft beard would tickle against your skin, a trail of butterfly kisses along your shoulders, up your neck, as his arms wrapped around you, drawing you closer. It had been four weeks since you guys had started up again, doing whatever it was you were doing and you know you were both in trouble. Logan and you were compatible in a lot of ways, sex drive included, but these soft sweet kisses were different. They were stemming from appreciation – admiration and you could feel the care in each one.

You’d always turn in his arms, looking up at him as you blinked the sleep out of your eyes, your face shifting to a smile as he looked down at you.

“Morning sleepyhead.” He whispered, looking down at you as he drew you closer in his arms, a soft smile on his face.

“Morning handsome.”

You’d both end up blinking at each other, watching each other with compassion laced in your eyes. That familiarity and knowledge that can only stem from sleeping with your ex. Sometimes it would result in a brief make out session, heating up quickly because neither of you could ever keep your hands off each other. But most of the time it would just be this, him talking softly to you, telling you about the past couple of days, the challenges he continues to have with his father. You admit to him how you’re tired of the assholes you work with trying to bully you to lose weight or claim that the data analysis you’ve provided was in accurate though you always provide it was and your debate about leaving the company for good to go off and do your own thing.

It was too intimate, too soon. When you had tipsily texted Logan, you had wanted to have quick sex and move on. You couldn’t rely on your feelings with him. Every time you had – you had been disappointed. Every goddamn time. You know that Logan didn’t know how to love you properly. You know that he tried every time. But every time he got too close, to vulnerable, he would pull away.

And you didn’t want to fall into the eight letters of lies that your past had been with him.

Not with him. Not again.

“What are you doing tonight?”

You were walking down the blistery streets of Manhattan, trying to balance your work bag, phone and cup of coffee as you slowly made your way back to your office.

“Was going to curl up on my couch and watch Netflix and eat takeout.”

Logan scoffs before he says,

“Two things its Friday.” 

“So. I don’t go out and poaching on young wall street hounds every Friday night.” 

He chuckles as he finishes, 

“Secondly, you don’t eat takeout.”

“I used to not eat takeout with you because you could afford better. I eat takeout all the time and I’m too lazy to cook.”

Logan snorts as he asks,

“Well I was going to ask if you wanted to come over.”

“Ohh…my comfortable couch or your top of the line entertainment system….pretty sure you know what I’m going to choose.”

You can hear the smile on the other end as he says,

“Perfect.”

“I’ll come over but I have some demands…”

Another chuckle.

“I wouldn’t expect anything less. Go on.”

“I want sushi. I want wine. I want to watch Queer Eye.”

“Deal.”

“I want to negotiate for the Yale sweatshirt. You know which one.”

He chuckles because you knew he did. It was his lacrosse Yale sweatshirt, it was made from the best comfortable material – soft and plush and smelled like him. You know he still wore it around one of the very rare times he lounged around his home.

“Done and done.”

“Perfect. I’ll see you then.” 

You don’t give him a chance to respond. Instead you hang up, trying to feel proud of yourself. 

Knowing good and damn well you were falling again.

You were surprised when you knocked on the door, a tuber ware container of your chocolate chip walnut cookies in hand, to have Logan open it so suddenly. He was wearing jeans and a T-shirt, one of the few times he went casual and smiled at you as his eyes raked over your simple t-shirt and leggings.

“You look beautiful.” He pulls you in for a kiss, the intimate action familiar  and you return it, pulling away with a large smile on your face.

“You look handsome.”

He grins as he shuts the door behind you, locking it as you pad into the kitchen.

“You already ordered?” you ask surprised and he shrugs as he comes behind you, easily wrapping an arm around your waist as he places a chaste kiss on your neck.

“I already know what you like,” he grabs the tuber ware container, following your lead as he walked with you to the kitchen counter, his arm still wrapped around your waist. “Did you bake me your favorite, prized chocolate chip walnut cookies.”

“You AND Jules and your mom.” You say, turning your head a bit and he raises a brow.

“I know tomorrow is Saturday and you do family brunch together. And Jules and your mom love those cookies.”

He grins as he places a kiss on your shoulder as you turn back to the island. This was all too familiar. All to comfortable.

You didn’t want to fight it despite every logical thought in your head saying otherwise.

“You remembered.”

“You remembered my sushi order. Sue us.”

You both watch each other, calculated, trying to read the other. Logan breaks it the only way that is going to make him comfortable.

He kisses you, hands pulling your waist back into him as his other draws your face closer. It’s a different kiss. It’s not the rushed, passionate kind that leads its way into his bedroom. No, this kiss was different. This kiss was languid, soft, and familiar. The kind of kiss that led to those delicate three words.

You pull away first, your breathe hitched, lips swollen as your eyes flutter up to his own. He’s watching you but now in a lust filled haze. No, with that endearing glint that takes you down a memory lane. Late Sunday mornings filled with coffee in bed, tickle fights that you start in Central Park on fall afternoons when you both should have been studying, fucking in custodial closets at his dad’s gala’s instead of listening to wave after wave of boring speakers.

“Unagi better be in this order or I’m taking all the sushi and I’m going home. And taking the Yale sweatshirt hostage.”

You weren’t giving into that. That was too delicate. Too complicated. And at this point, you could only blame yourself for the whirl of feelings you were experiencing.

You were the one who had texted him first.

“I wouldn’t be a good friend if it wasn’t in there.”

His voice is disappointed but he tries to not let you on to it, you know, as he takes a chipper approach. He pulls away to grab the bottle of wine and you grab the containers, finding comfort by his side on the couch. You watch the whole season of Queer Eye before he convinces you to watch the new Earth documentary, because you forgot how nerdy Logan could be behind all his flare, and you fall asleep in his arms lying on the couch.

It’s not until after you leave for breakfast with him the next morning, wandering into your apartment looking just as put together as you left that you realize it’s the first time since the start of this rekindled friendship that you guys haven’t had sex and just hung out.

You don’t talk to him for a week. It’s the longest you can go before you miss him smile, itch for his skin and you try to swallow your pride as you walk into his office, smiling at his secretary.

“Is Logan busy?”

It’s Friday on a non-committal week and you know, outside of meetings he might have, he probably isn’t. You don’t text him to ask though. He only tried reaching out to you twice during the week and was probably livid with you and would have found an excuse to not see you if he knew you had planned it.

His secretary is a cute little blonde thing, giving you a lazy smile as she slowly taps at her laptop noting his schedule is clear.

You give her a grateful smile, looking away from your phone as you throw it in your large coach bag before you move toward the front door.

“Wait! You can’t just –“she stands quickly before your fast as you push open the doors to Logan’s lavish office.

You had always wondered what the home to someone like Logan, a young CEO who constantly had something to prove, would look like. As you walk into the large space, you take in the dark mahogany furniture, the modern steel and glass architect and you give a subtle smile. Old world meets new – the old to the modern. Everything that defined who Logan was. The patterns are deep navy blue and silver – the colors of Delos and it’s graceful as Logan’s eyes flicker away from his Mac monitor over to you.

Logan always looked impeccable. He took precise care of his appearance, from his beard to his suit. His long hair was jelled back perfectly, not a strand out of place. His jacket was hanging off to the side and he was in a perfectly fitted shirt, the sleeves rolled up as his hands clicked away at the monitor. The things you wanted to do to him.

You stand in the middle of the room, your pea coat tied around you tightly as your large bag hands limply off your arm. Your wearing your favorite pair of heels, 4 inch black stilettos that highlight your legs in all the right ways and your hair is swooped up on top of your hair in a ponytail, curls running free in a freeing way. You had been light with your makeup minus the deep shade of red lipstick you donned – you knew how much he loved the deep red hue that made the rest of your face pop.

Mad or not, he wouldn’t be able to look away from you.

Which is what his eyes were betraying as they ran over your body, drinking every inch of you in as his secretary runs in disgruntled.

“She just walked in – I’m so sorry Mr. Deveraux.”

She has fear laced in her voice as her eyes flicker from you to him and Logan gives a knowing smirk, shaking his head as he falls back in his seat.

“It’s ok Leah.” Of course her name was Leah. “This is Ms. Y/L/N – the executive marketing chief at one of our firms. I forgot she said she was going to drop by for a meeting today. Put it on my calendar for the next hours – we have a situation we need to strategize and I don’t want to be interrupted”

Leah gives a grateful, exhausted sigh before she turns on her heels easily scurrying out of the office.

“You made that sound cordial.”  You say with light-heartedly and his eyes harden, turning in his chair as he returns to his screen. Ignoring you. You smirk.

“The silent treatment eh? You’re not too mad, your letting me stay in here for an hour of your time. Even came up with an elaborate ruse.”

More silence, the sound of the keys of his keyboard clacking away and you roll your head to the side, exposing your neck with the motion. His hand hesitates, if just for a moment, and you fight the grin that wants to creep on your face.

“I’m sorry okay. I’m sorry I’m a pissy brat and I ignored you for a week. Forgive me.”

He gives a smirk but he doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t look at you. You give a frustrated sigh knowing he wasn’t about to let up, knowing that you probably hurt his feelings and you fiddle with the buttons on your pea coat, taking your time to pull of the jacket.

“Fine,” you take the jacket off, letting it fall to the floor to reveal the $600 lingerie you had charged to his account hours earlier. You were surprised that didn’t get his attention, knowing that he had told you to go into the super eloquent French bouquet weeks earlier to pick out any fine piece of lingerie you desired. So you opted to today, working from home to plan this elaborate distraction. For today’s occasion you had opted on a plum matching lingerie set – a push up bra that did wonders for you cleavage and panties that hugged your ass, letting your cheeks out in a teasing way.

Logan’s fingers hover over the keyboard and he closes his eyes, taking slow breaths as you walk over to the leather couch in the space, falling easily on the cool fabric as you rest your hand on your hip. The other props your head up as you watch him under your lashes.

“I came over to give you a proper apology. I know I can be a bitch. I know I probably drive you insane. But I care about you so much and….I learned from the best when it comes to pushing people away.”

He turns to you, pushing slightly away from his desk and placing both his hands on his thighs as he watches you under hooded eyes.

“Come over to daddy princess.”

You give a coy smile as you sit up from the couch, taking your time to walk over to him, making sure to add an extra sway to your step. He watches you carefully, eyes predatory as you move slowly around his desk and he follows your movement with his eyes, swiveling in his chair to meet you halfway. You stop inches away from him, your eyes taking him in as his hands move to grab your hips, moving you closer to him. You place a hand on either side of his shoulder, feeling the heat radiate from under his shirt as he face moves to your torso, peppering soft kisses against your skin. His hands move around your waist, taking a handful of your ass before he pulls away and smacks it. Hard.

You give a gleeful yelp as your hands tighten around his shoulders and he growls as his nips at you, pulling away to look up at you.

“Get on your knees princess.”

You mewl but comply, quickly falling on your knees between his legs as you place your hand firmly on his thighs as he starts to unbutton his pants, pulling down his pants and briefs to reveal his erection and your mouth waters, taking him in. Like everything else on Logan, his cock was a thing of beauty. And he had a talent to make your pussy and mouth sing for it. He gives a knowing smirk as he pumps his cock, watching you as you look back up at him, biting your lips.

“You wanna taste this cock princess?”

You nod your head vigorously and he smirks as he juts his hips outs, circling the taut muscle around your mouth and your tongue flickers out, licking his tip as he groans out,

“Yea, you want this cock.”

You moan as you move your mouth into his cock, your tongue brushing against the vein over his girthy length as you slowly pull him to the back of your throat. Logan was big, always so deliciously thick but it fit you in the perfect way and you give a grateful moan, fighting back your gag reflex as he throws his head back and gives a low moan, his hand threading in your hair.

“That’s right princess, you take me hard.”

He pulls out before he reinserts himself back into you, sliding into your mouth smoothly as he looks down at you with lust as he watches you eagerly take him in.

“God baby you look good down there, staining my dick with your lips.”

Your eyes are closed, humming contently as you take him faster, fighting your gag reflex while you squeezed his cock tighter and his mouth pops open as he speeds up, looking down at you.

“Oh fuck princess, you look so good while I fuck your mouth.”

You purr in his mouth and his grip around your ponytail tightens as his hips buck faster, and you move quicker, your tongue flicking over his tip, swirling around his hole and he gasps before your throat is bombarded with his cum, pumping into you faster and faster.

You swallow him easily, taking him with ease until he tapers off and you slowly pull off of him, releasing him with a pop as you lap at the leftover residue of cum around his softening penis.

“You’re going to be the end of me.” He whispers, a throaty response as he throws his head back on his chair, eyes close. You smile as you straddle him, sitting on his lap as you wrap your arms around his neck tenderly.

“You like that about me.” You say teasingly as he holds you in his lap and he quirks an eye open, taking you in.

“Maybe I do.”

“I know you do,” You place a soft kiss on his lips and he obliges, kissing you back tenderly as you whisper against his mouth, “Come over tonight.”

Even he can’t stop the smirk from forming on his lips as he pulls away, looking at you incredulously,

“You don’t bring men over to your place.”

“You’re not just any man Logan. You’re you.”

He looks at you incredulously but you already know what he’s going to say. Even behind that amused grin you can see the relief in his eyes, knowing that this was a big step for you.

“Dinner?”

“Yea. You can feel free to bring it for me.”

You kiss him one more time, getting up from your spot and he snorts as he moves to put himself back in his briefs, zipping himself back up.

“What makes you think I’m going to bring you dinner when you were the one ignoring me in the first place.”

He looks over at you right when you bend over, picking up your pea coat before you slowly raise, looking over your shoulder. He lets  out a sinful moan as you smile, re-buttoning the thick jacket.

“Something tells me you’ll find a reason to get motivation to treat me right.”

You tie your jacket, before grabbing your purse and walking to a mirror to adjust your makeup.

“I don’t get the game you’re playing at Y/N. I really don’t.”

You look at him through the mirror, watching him as he watches you with hooded dark eyes and you give a coy smile.

“I’m not playing a game. Just owning up to where I fucked up. See you at let’s say 7? I’ll text you my address.”

You move from the mirror and walk toward the door, pausing at the handle.

“I look forward to continuing our conversation, Mr. Deveraux.”

And then you exit it, ignoring his groan as you leave through the door.

“Are you up?”

His voice is like silk, pulling you from the sleep that you want to give in to. It’s been six weeks since that day in Logan’s office and you both were inseparable. Going to court side Knicks games together, the met, movies. Walking down the street hand in hand and fucking in bathrooms. Logan was different – still a cocky, condescending asshole sure. But more gentle. Compassionate. Doting.

“Hmmm.” You hum, giving his hand a squeeze. You’re cuddling, little spoon to his big in the comfort of your bed. He slept the best here, with you, in your space. He kisses your shoulder, nuzzling his face into your warmth as he whispers,

“What are we doing?”

You give a slight smile and shrug as you whisper,

“Well, we just fucked. Earlier we had dinner with my friends. I think the term for it is ‘friends with benefits’.”

He chuckles as he nips at you, his other hands moving to your breast and cupping it. It wasn’t sexual, this small act of affection. It was intimate as he pulled you closer to him, skin on skin as he responds,

“You’re such a snarky little shit you know that.”

“You love that I keep you on your toes.”

“I do. It’s one of the many things I love about you.”

You feel it again. Eight letters, three words coming to haunt you again. You turn in his embrace, enough to look at him. The moon is piercing through a crack in your curtains, strong enough to see the outline of his face, the darkness in his eyes. The tenderness in them

“What are you trying to say Logan?”

You said it first last time. You couldn’t say it again. The last time you had been vulnerable like this, he had broken you. It had taken you years to build yourself up again.

Not this time.

“You know what.”

He can’t either – he’s built like you. Too afraid to break that fragile fascade you both have built up for yourselves. You’ve both said it to the other in moments of passion, when you’re deep in the other but that was different.

At least you thought it was.

“Enlighten me.”

He sighs, falling between your neck before he chuckles,

“I probably deserve this - being forced to be vulnerable. But fuck it I’ve always known this. I love you Y/N. I love you so damn much and it scares the shit out of me.”

The levee breaks, your heart a volcano of emotion. He can feel it, the way your heart increases as you watch him, your eyes blinking as you try to hold back the tears.

“You hurt me Logan. You hurt me and I….” you can’t say it because if you follow through he’ll know and he nods as he kisses your forehead.

“I know princess. This time is different. It’s different because I love you and I’m not afraid to lean into it.”

You were. You were fucking terrified.

“I want to tell you too Logan but….” Your whisper is scratchy and he smiles as he leans down and kisses you.

“Don’t rush it. I know. I know.”

You turn back away from him as the tears take over, falling into your pillow. He holds you in silence, comforts you in the dark because he knows that he broke you all those years ago. Like a wild stallion, he had taken all the best parts of you and threw them in the inferno, not caring to see how you scraped your way back to safety.

He could wait.

He would wait forever.

Because he loved you.

And deep down he knew you loved him too.

Tag list: @just-nikkii, @ladyblablabla, @drinix, @youveseen–thebutcher, @marauderskeeper

[will-iswriting-again]

Squish

Title: Squish

Fandom: Sander Sides

Pairing(s): Logicality

Genre: Angst with a happy ending

Word Count: 2564

Warning(s): Weight Mention

Tag List: @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch

Finally finished @lamp-calm-sanders fic, so sorry it took so long (I say knowing full well this is sadly the shortest amount of time it has ever taken me to write a fic, I am so sorry) (also spent like and hour trying to fix this because tumblr hates the copy paste option)  

~~~

Logan hadn’t always felt bad about his body. Logan hadn’t always looked at his chub with disdain or fantasized what it would be like to be skinny, he hadn’t always wondered what it would be like to not be fat. God, he hated that word, he hated it’s definition, the connotations it brought when he said it, he even hated the ugly way it seemed to roll off his tongue. But he hated that he hated his body even more. He knew he wasn’t unhealthy (He encouraged Thomas to eat healthily often and Logan was not much of a hypocrite) it was just how his body metabolized food and he understood that. He knew the other three loved him and his body but he still couldn’t stop the negativity he felt when he thought about it.

Like he said though, he hadn’t always hated his size, for most of his life the thoughts never dared cross his mind. He wasn’t really sure when they had started, when Thomas was younger he hadn’t minded his size, if anything he liked his body. And he knew the other sides had no problem. Roman didn’t really care, he could playfully quip with Logan no matter how skinny or fat he was. Virgil liked to act like it didn’t bother him but he secretly loved the comfort that came with Logan’s hugs that wouldn’t have felt the same if Logan were any skinnier (he had always taken pride in being the only one besides Patton who could calm the anxious trait down.) And Patton, of course, loved Logan’s size, when they were younger Patton would always gush about how adorable Logan was, calling Logan his favorite “squish.”

Squish (adj)- a way of describing someone who is smol (see card 37), loveable, and sometimes even physically squishy.

Logan pretended he thought it was annoying but he secretly loved the endearing nickname. A warm fuzzy feeling would erupt in his chest whenever Patton said it, his heart would swell and his cheeks would turn bright red (when he was older and could understand emotions better he defined this feeling as happiness.)

Happiness (n)- the state of feeling happy (showing or feeling pleasure/contentment)

But that all changed during Thomas’s teenage years. It had started off small, Thomas would watch a movie with his friends, the coined “fat kid” was always the butt of the jokes. Logan had brushed it off at the time, high school children were often harsh for the sake of it, there was nothing wrong with him, the cruelties of high school were to blame. Then Thomas’s chubbier friends would get picked on at school, Logan once again would brush it off as useless teenage bullying but now there was an inkling of doubt (what if they were right? What if he was the wrong one here, what if they were right) Then social media began to take off and everywhere Logan would people just like him endlessly picked on for no other reason than how big they were. They were accused of being lazy, fat, disgusting, unhygienic, unmotivated, wrong, bad, wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong

After careful data analysis and consideration Logan finally concluded that being fat was bad. If so many people hated it (hated him) then statistically it must be true. Fat was wrong, he was wrong.

If Logan was younger he would have talked to Patton or Virgil about it. He would have crawled in their beds and cried his feelings away until he felt better. He could’ve sobbed into Patton’s chest and laid his insecurities out as they cuddled in his bed. He could have leaned on Virgil’s shoulder as they watched rain trickle down the their windows, just enjoying the quiet content of it all. 

But it was too late for that, they had grown distant as Thomas had gotten older. Virgil was much more controlling during high school, he knew all the horrible things kids in school could do and he just wanted to protect Thomas from it all. But the other sides never thought that was the right way approach to high school and soon it became a constant war of Virgil vs. everyone else. So it hadn’t really surprised Logan when the other’s bickering had grown so tiresome for the anxious side that he had decided he was done with it all and retired to his room. Patton had been upset at first but Virgil could still do his job and he came out eat when he needed to so eventually Patton relented. By the time Thomas started making vines Logan had only seen Virgil a handful of times.

And Logan, too, had become more distant, Patton and Roman were too emotional most of the time (this was when he missed his left brain bro... the name was Virgil’s suggestion) and he did not have the time or energy to deal with them. He and Roman started disagreeing more often, Roman’s outlandish ideas sometimes overpowering any logical thought. Patton, of course, tried to bond with him every once in awhile but each time Logan would brush it off, so yeah, Logan was not in any position to ask any of them for help.

So he dealt on his own, and he was good at it. He learned to bottle his emotions up into this tiny spot in his chest and never touch them again. Using that method he could cope with all his issues without any negative connotations for Thomas. He was fine.

Until he wasn’t.

~~~

“This one’s for you Patton!” Thomas exclaimed, phone in hand. It was a late Tuesday night and they had yet again been subjected to Sides Q&A. “What’s your favorite cartoon?”

“Ooh! It’s so hard to choose,” Patton gushed. “But if I have to choose I’d saaaaaay, Steven Universe but Legend of Korra is always a close second.” Patton said with a grin. It’d been a bad day for Logan, nothing particular had happened it was just one of those really bad days where the mirrors seemed to distort his image until he felt like he was looking at an ugly monster. It was one of those day where he didn’t want anyone to see him, it made him feel open and vulnerable and he couldn’t deal with that right now.  It was just one of those days where he just wanted to lay in his bed and hide under the covers until the sun went away. But life was never exactly kind to Logan when exactly kind when he wanted it to be.

“Virgil, in your opinion, who gives the best hugs?” Thomas queried, breaking Logan from his train of thought.

“I don’t really have many options considering Patton’s the only one who hugs me but I guess I’d say Patton,” Virgil said, bitterness from his years of exclusion leaking through. Pain pierced through Logan’s heart, he used to be Virgil’s favorite hugger.

Longing (n)- a yearning desire for what once was or what could be

“I will make an effort in the future to engage in more comforting physical contact.” Logan managed to squeeze out of his chest, stoic as ever, determined to hide the swell of emotions threatening to break the surface.

“As will I!” Roman declared. “I shall become the best hugger you have ever seen Virgil dear.” Virgil rolled his eyes but everyone could see the light blush that dusted his cheeks.

“Ah! Here’s another one for Logan,” Thomas interrupted. “What’s your favorite vocabulary card?” The interests of the other three perked up. It seemed like Logan had hundreds of cards and they’d only seen a handful.

”There are many that I’ve grown fond of but at this time my favorite is Extra.” Logan replied, flipping the card out from his back pocket.

Extra (adj)- Someone who is over the top, flamboyant or dramatic when it is not necessary

“It was not only one of the easier ones to learn but it is also an adequate insult for Roman.” He said with a mischievous smirk. Roman feigned an affronted gasp.

“I’ll let you know,” He cried, hand over his heart “I take that as a compliment.” He said dramatically and sniffled.

“See, case in point. You are extra.” Logan said, pointing at him, earning a chuckle from Virgil and another gasp from Roman. Thomas chuckled but pulled up another ask.

“This one’s for all of you,” He said. “Who do you all think is the hottest?” Immediately, they all jumped in, putting in their thoughts.

“Noooo, I can’t choose we’re all beautiful.” Patton said in distress eyes bouncing to all of them wildly.

“Oh it’s me of course,” Roman said gallantly, striking a pose.

“Why are you forcing us to choose who is what society expects to be ‘hot?’”Virgil asked, shaking his head. 

“I hate to say it, but I do agree with Roman,” Logan spoke up and everyone paused to stare at him, even Thomas, Logan rarely agreed with Roman, much less on frivolous things such as this. “While you all are beautiful in your own way, Roman is the only one who fits the societal version of a hot version and actively tries to maintain this image.” No one spoke for a moment, the air tense and uncomfortable. Everyone was staring at Logan like he’d just grown two more heads, he looked away, not used to so much attention on him at once. Finally, Patton broke the silence.

“You mean, we are all beautiful, you forgot yourself.” He whispered and Logan tensed, Patton was the type of person who just sort of knew when someone wasn’t feeling like themselves and Logan didn’t want Patton to know right now.

Intuition (n)- the ability to understand something immediately, without the need for conscious reasoning

“Yes, yes, of course, merely a slip of the tongue,” Logan lied, his fingers tapping on his wrist to the beat of his nervous heart rate. “However, this question was shallow and I’d prefer not to take part in ones like these again, therefore I shall be going. Goodbye everyone.” He sunk out as quick as he could, he could hear the others saying their goodbyes and following behind him as he willed all his strength into not sprinting into his room and collapsing into his bed.

“Hey, Logan,” Virgil mumbled from behind, managing to catch him in the commons. “Umm.. sleep well.” He said, smiling softly, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. It may not have seemed like much but Logan knew it was so much more, when he was ready he would go to Virgil and finally talk about what was bothering him but he wasn’t ready yet and Virgil understood that.

With that comforting thought, he finally made it into his room and collapsed on the bed, the metaphorical damn breaking as his chest seemed to cleave in two, silent tears leaking out as he curled in on himself, bringing his knees to his chest. But he surprisingly didn’t feel particularly bad, there wasn’t any of the usual uncomfortable ball of sadness weighing on his chest, instead there was nothing. But he didn’t feel good either. It wasn’t like the weight had been lifted, it seemed more like a pleasant numbing. If he was being honest, he didn’t really feel anything at all.

He could deal with that, not feeling was fine, Logan was perfectly okay with not feeling. It probably wasn’t healthy but it was something different from the aches that usually plagued him everyday and Logan could use every break he could get. Patton, on the other hand, was not fine with that and chose a very poor time to barge into Logan’s room.

“Hey, kiddo, I noticed you were feeling down earlier and wanted to know if-” Patton paused, noticing the strange emptiness of the room. “Logan?” Logan didn’t move, laying still in his void of nothingness, he wanted Patton to go away and take all his feelings with him, Logan did not need them right now, he couldn’t breathe when they were there and needed them to leave.

“Oh honey,” Patton cooed and hurried over to the bed to sit next to Logan, his hand resting soothingly on Logan’s knee. “Is this about the Q&A question earlier?” Logan hesitantly nodded numbly, staring right past Patton. It was useless lying to Patton, he’d pester Logan until he confessed if he didn’t.

“I-I was not feeling my best.” He managed to mumble, the salty sensation of his tears shocking him closer to reality.

“Why?” Patton asked softly.

“It.. reminded me that I-I do not have a.. d-desirable body type.” He said slowly and Patton frowned.

“Is it because you’re chubbier than us?” Patton asked and Logan nodded again, more tears flowing as a silent sob wracked through him. Patton frowned and turned to face the crying boy. “You know that your size has nothing to do with your beauty right?” Logan paused.

“B-But it does,” Logan said earnestly. “I have looked over so much data, and the data shows that fat people are ugly. So I must be ugly... It’s only logical thinking.” He trailed off at the end, looking away from Patton and focusing on a tiny speck of dust in his covers.

“Can you sit up kiddo? I want to prove you wrong.” Patton said after a moment, an unidentifiable look in his eyes. Logan frowned but relented, sitting cross legged across from Patton, who smiled and poked his arm.

“See these arms? You may only see flab, but I see that these arms are the same arms that give the best hugs in the mindscape, even Virgil will agree with me on this one.” Patton lightly squeezed his arm and Logan rolled his eyes.

“And this tum?” Patton lightly pinched a bit of fat around his stomach. “This is the cutest tum I have ever seen. Even if you don’t think so.” He gave Logan a quick tickle as Logan giggled slightly and squirmed away.

“And you said your body isn’t hot? Well we must be talking about different people because Logan baby those hips do not lie.” Patton whistled, gaining a small chuckle from Logan. “You are perfect just the way you are Logan, your size is beautiful and just the right size for you. Your size is a part of who you are, you wouldn’t be my favorite squish without it.” The childhood nickname sent Logan over the edge as he launched himself into Patton’s arms, sobbing as Patton cupped Logan’s head against his shoulder. He let years of anguish and self loathing overflow as he clung to Patton like a frightened child. Patton calmingly shushed him and whispers words of kindness into his ears as they fell back against Logan’s bed, content in each other’s arms.

Logan knew he’d always have bad days. He knew there would be times where he couldn’t stand to look in a mirror. There would be days he’d want to hide away and never let anyone in but he knew Patton and the other sides would always be there for him and in that moment, for Logan, that was enough.

Also, Logan lied, extra was not his favorite vocabulary word.

Squish (adj)- a way of describing someone who is smol (see card 37), loveable, and sometimes even physically squishy. (i.e Logan)

[ultrasfcb-blog]

John Barclay column -

John Barclay column -

John Barclay column –

Summer international: Canada v Scotland Venue: Commonwealth Stadium, Edmonton Date: Sunday, 10 June Kick-off: 02:00 BST Coverage: Watch on BBC One Scotland & BBC Sport website; text commentary on BBC Sport website

The things you hear when you’re injured. “Ooh, isn’t that one of the worst things you can do?” “Ooh, the timing couldn’t be worse, could it?”

Just a few of the comments I get every day since rupturing my Achilles. I say, “Thanks” and move on. Slowly. Oh so slowly. Back to the relative safety of my couch.

On Friday I got the plaster off my left leg, to be replaced by a giant moon boot and crutches for the next six weeks. It’s unclear when I’m going to play again. What is very clear is that it won’t be at the start of the season and it won’t be the autumn either.

The surgeon says the target is the Six Nations next year, so we’ll go with that. If I’m ready, I’m ready. If I’m not, I’m not. Experience tells me that you can’t second-guess these things. The longer the rehab, the greater the unpredictability. There’s a lot of hard months ahead.

Part of the purpose of this column is to shine a light on the psychology of being injured (not to garner sympathy, although sympathy would be gratefully received on my Twitter account). Maybe some young players coming through will read it and might take something useful from it.

There’s a despondency that hits you that’s bleak and that can take you to a pretty dark place if you let it. If you just have rugby in your life, and no outside interests, then one of these injuries can send you into a spiral.

You can spend a lot of time focusing on the things that you’re missing out on. You can hang your hopes on a certain comeback date and when you suffer a setback, your mind can struggle to deal with it. Sometimes it’s not the physical pain that causes the most damage but the mental.

Barclay hopes to assist with analysis and coaching while he waits to make his Edinburgh debut

I have a university dissertation to finish by July, ruptured Achilles or no ruptured Achilles. We have a house in Edinburgh to renovate and there are things I think I can do with Edinburgh even though I’m not going to be playing for a while.

It’s about finding ways to contribute, whether it’s mentoring some young players, helping with analysis or gaining an insight into the coaching world, which is where I hope my career will take me when my playing days are numbered. I can’t make the kind of mark that I’d wanted to make, but there are other ways of helping the team and driving the culture.

I go back to the night my time with the Scarlets ended and all of this started. Did I touch the ball in that game against Glasgow? I might have touched it once. I didn’t make a tackle and didn’t hit a ruck. I think I lasted six minutes of that Pro14 semi-final at Scotstoun.

As I was being helped from the field I had to pull myself together as it suddenly dawned on me that I wouldn’t get the chance to play for this great club again. I was dejected and in pain and I was dragging my foot along the ground. My good pal, Ryan Wilson, came over and said to the medics in his own inimitable way, ‘Don’t worry, Doc, he walks like that all the time’. There’s a picture of the Doc laughing. There’s no better man for gallows humour than Wilson.

Glasgow’s Ryan Wilson tried to console Barclay as he was helped off during Scarlets’ Pro14 semi-final win

I got an hour’s sleep that night. Nodded off at 6am and woke at 7 for the flight back to Wales. Gareth Davies pushed me around Glasgow airport in a wheelchair and we got lost trying to find the disabled lift. At the other end, I stayed with Gareth who bathed and showered me daily – his insistence, not mine. I spent Saturday whizzing around Pontcanna in a borrowed mobility scooter. Crashed into a beer garden at one point. But that’s another story.

You think ‘Am I coming back from this?’

You have to look at the humorous side of this stuff. It can be hard, but what’s the alternative? The injury happened on the Friday night and I got surgery on the Monday morning at a clinic in Marylebone in London.

My father-in-law collected me afterwards and drove me the seven hours back to Edinburgh. I’ve spoken in previous columns about how quickly sport moves on and never have I felt this more than on the seven-hour drive north.

All the while you’re thinking, ‘Am I coming back from this?’ What helped was the messages of support. Loads of people from the Scarlets and loads from the SRU. Some of the big hitters at Murrayfield taking the time to tell me that everything will be taken care of.

[Edinburgh head coach] Richard Cockerill was on sympathising with me about missing out on the Pro14 final. Naturally, he was disappointed that I won’t be featuring much at the start of next season but he was talking instead about ways of getting me involved behind the scenes while I’m rehabbing.

Barclay left Scotstoun on crutches, with his foot in a protective boot, after rupturing his Achilles

[Scotland coaches] Gregor Townsend, Dan McFarland and Matt Taylor all got in touch. Matt knows that when I finish playing I’d like to become a defence coach, so he said, ‘Let’s meet up, we can talk about defence, you can shadow me and see how we do it’. Al Kellock, who’s moved on to the business side of things at Glasgow, was on as well. That stuff meant a huge amount. It helped keep the spirits up.

You live in your own micro-world when you’re rehabbing – a goldfish bowl within the normal goldfish bowl and it extends beyond the rugby pitch. The kids want to play, but I can’t play. Logan, my middle son, asks me to pick him up but I can’t pick him up. I have to elevate my foot for 50 minutes in every waking hour.

Ten minutes of freedom in an hour. I mean, for me on crutches, it’s 10 minutes to the toilet and back. I decided I wouldn’t drink water so I wouldn’t have to waste my 10 minutes going to the loo.

‘You have to laugh or else you’ll cry’

This is where the black comedy comes in. Cue Benny Hill music. I was in the house on my own one day. I got up and made myself a coffee. Then I thought, ‘How the hell am I getting this back to the couch with my crutches?’ So I put the cup on a plate and used my crutch to push it gently across the floor. By the time I got it to the couch the coffee was cold. Next time I just sat on the kitchen floor and drank it.

Then there were the injections. One blood-thinning injection every night for a fortnight. At this stage there is always a danger of an infection or a clot and that would be pretty nightmarish, so the injections are there to thin the blood and prevent that happening. I was on morphine when they were showing me how to do them. My recollection didn’t stretch to figuring out how to take the lid off the syringe. My wife Hayley’s aunt is a nurse and she came around and showed me.

These are moments when you have to laugh or else you’ll cry. Sweating like crazy while shoving a cup of coffee across a room with a crutch and getting bamboozled because you can’t remember what they said about getting the cap off a needle – you have to find some kind of humour in that.

I’m living in the kind of parallel universe where all players with long-term injuries hang out. I’ve had some incredible days as captain of Scotland over the last while, but this is a time when resilience of a different kind is called for. It’ll be a while, but I’ll be back.

John Barclay was speaking to BBC Scotland’s chief sports writer Tom English

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Pros and Cons of In-House Attorneys

Our law firm is often hired by businesses to act as “General Counsel” and about 50% of the time our business clients have in-house lawyers that assist the business during its life-cycle. Defining what an “in-house” attorney does is nearly impossible because almost every such attorney has a unique role specific to that organization and its management team, but the effect of having an in-house lawyer is often the same.

Business lawyers are trained to think about business issues differently than management, owners, accountants and other employees and can therefore be a major asset over time. However, bringing a business attorney into a business to generally help the business grow and prosper is often a big step because there are many pros and cons to having a lawyer around full time. The following is a list of a few such pros and cons to help companies sophisticate themselves about the decision to bring a lawyer onto the payroll:

Pros:

Contracts, legal analysis, negotiations and other tasks generally performed by a law firm can be started (and often finished) in-house for far less money than if the same was outsourced to a law firm that needed to get up to speed on everything.

Day-to-day interactions with a business lawyer can help to identify and expedite strategic change within a business.

Strategic risk can be more easily analyzed by a team that includes a lawyer that is highly sophisticated about the company.

Litigation strategy is easier to implement if it was designed by an in-house lawyer who knows all of the good and bad facts.

In-house business lawyers can bring credibility to a business and open doors that might otherwise be closed.

Cons:

Lawyers are expensive and are often among the highest paid employees at a company.

Lawyers are often very critical, risk-averse people that can slow progress if they act more as a fear monger than a strategic analyst.

Business lawyers’ opinions can sometimes conflict with those of management and cause strain in an organization.

In-house lawyers often know all of the secrets a business has and therefore can cause significant problems when exiting an organization.

In-house attorneys can become complacent in their positions rather than always keeping their legal skills sharp like a private practice attorney. This can cause a company to be blindly exposed to risk for long periods of time.

Generally it is best for a company to never wholly rely on the skills of an in-house lawyer because of the specialized nature of the position. Having the business’ attorney work with outside counsel from time to time can hedge the cons described above to some extent and will often keep the in-house attorney on his or her toes. Additionally, if you feel like your in-house or outside legal counsel is not quite meeting your expectations you should always interview other lawyers and law firms to see if there might be a better fit.

Any attorney in Utah can plainly see that fraud is still just fraud by any other name

Horizon Mortgage & Investment may have seemed like smooth operators, and they probably were for quite some time, having swindled at least $72 million from several hundreds of investors since 1997 in Kaysville, Utah according to Salt Lake Tribune article online. Run by Dee Randall, the “investment company” was recently ruled to be little more than a Ponzi scheme, which makes Randall’s actions fraudulent and illegal, though it doesn’t take an attorney in Utah to see that. Worse still for the investors, Randall filed for bankruptcy in 2010, effectively shortchanging anyone who unwittingly poured money into the scheme get less than 10 cents on the dollar back now.

Investors won’t give up so easily, though, and most have filed a lawsuit with an attorney in Utah “seeking millions in damages.” The suit is pending. But Randall’s scheme was sneaky, even from the beginning, and now, the “U.S. Trustee’s Office has found 20 other companies Randall had been involved with, rental income he had not reported, as well as creditors who were not notified of the bankruptcy filing.”

Serving for a general agent in Utah for Union Central Life Insurance of Cincinnati, Randall “had offices in Sandy, Kaysville, Woods Cross, Fruit Heights, and Logan, where he employed numerous subagents.” The better to trick you with my dear. Pitching life insurance alongside investments, they were already in violation of Utah law according to the lawsuit filed by a forensic accountant who took over Randall’s assets and companies at the request of the court. He found lies and deceit everywhere, but interestingly, there was unexpectedly more.

In his case, Randall didn’t rely totally on lies and secrecy. He actually “disclosed to some investors that he was going to use their money to pay what was due earlier investors,” and “warned that investors shouldn’t put money in they could not afford to lose.” Not only did such disclosures surely make him seem forthcoming and honest, they were what he hoped would pass for getting around securities laws. One attorney in Utah told a victimized couple “that the disclosures made Randall’s operation look like a ‘legal Ponzi scheme,’” according to court records.

But in truth, business lawyer in Utah worth her salt could tell you there is no such thing as a legal Ponzi scheme. “Utah law also says it’s illegal to operate a business in a way that defrauds investors,” so Randall wasn’t skirting any laws by disclosing his methods; he was just setting himself up for failure.

Which, depending on how you look at it, will come down with smashing consequences beginning June 30 of this year in the 3rd District Court in Salt Lake City. Randall “faces 22 charges of securities fraud and one of engaging in a pattern of unlawful activity.” As those with a flair for the dramatic might say, “the gig is up” for Dee Randall.

Free Consultation with a Utah Business Lawyer

If you are here, you probably have a business law issue you need help with, call Ascent Law for your free consultation (801) 676-5506. We want to help you.

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Source: http://www.ascentlawfirm.com/pros-and-cons-of-in-house-attorneys/