#I’ll also take any advice for a newbie

[daddyhoothoot]

Just had an interesting experience as someone new to demonology, thinking it’s a good sign? I’ll take anyone’s insight on this that knows more but…

Besides being a huge Helluva Boss fan and obsessed with Stolas in the show, I really wanted to actually learn about the ars goetia and Stolas historically so I’ve been doing a LOT of research. I think part of what drew me to Stolas in the first place is that I’ve always loved owls and I never really knew why. I’ve had owl stuff my whole life and always been drawn to them. Then when I learned that Stolas’ interests were astronomy, plants and stones I KNEW I had a connection to him in some way. I’ve been a huge astronomy nerd my whole life, I’m always watching the skies and as a cancer, I’m also very drawn to the moon as well. I used to have a telescope as well. I’ve also been into mycology and have grown my own mushrooms, used to have a ton of plants (when I didn’t live in a desert) and have been collecting rocks since I was a kid. I literally went rock hounding with my dad not long ago.

All this to say, I felt an instant connection to Stolas. I’ve been working on meditating and grounding so I decided to throw caution to the wind and see if I could get in contact with Stolas. I was super nervous because again, I’m new to this stuff and I didn’t want to provoke a demon either…

So I laid out some offerings. Lit some incense (I think it was jasmine? Figured he’d like it because plants lol), set out the only exciting rock I had on hand which was quartz I found in the desert. I read that he likes blue so I added in some blue items and also this owl necklace I’ve had forever as well as this woven crescent moon that I have. I didn’t draw out his sigil because I have a tattoo of it (is that crazy? Idk?) and I used my tarot deck to communicate with him.

This is coming from a huge skeptic but this was beyond my wildest dreams. I asked for a sign that he was there with me and willing to work with me and that we would have a positive relationship and the FIRST card I pulled was an OWL!!! There is only one owl in my entire deck and I was floored! Obviously that’s a yes? That he’s willing to work with me?

I was so excited and couldn’t believe it. Even though I’m still relatively new to tarot, it always works out for me so I was super confident in every card I pulled after I asked him a few more questions. I asked how I should strengthen our bond, what I need to work on to make it a positive experience. The answer to that was meditation which I found ironic because I literally just started back on that the other day. I asked a few other questions to make sure we could work together and that it would be a positive experience and everything was an astounding yes.

I said okay, since you’re willing to work with me I have a question and then I’ll let you go. I’ve been writing a book recently and it’ll be my first and I’ve been told writing is my calling but I’ve been so scared/hesitant about it and I just needed confirmation that it was the right path and low and behold Stolas says it is and that it’ll bring happiness, peace and love for me.

I’m still reeling from this experience. I also asked at one point if he was ok with the tattoo and he seemed cool with it so that’s a relief lmao I was a little concerned about putting his sigil permanently on my body but I really do feel like we’ve had a strong connection before I even knew of him.

I’m sure to some this may sound crazy but as a fellow skeptic, that blew my mind and changed my beliefs. I’m sure some will be like “don’t work with demons it’s dangerous” but not all of them are these evil spirits and I believe if you respect them and are willing to work with them, you’ll be okay.

Anyway, just wanted to share for anyone interested in getting into demonology and curious about connecting with them. I’ll add more about what he teaches me in the future if you’re interested!

[suzukiblu]

May I ask how you got people interested in your works? You have so many people who love your writing (rightfully so bc you're awesome) and I just want to find some people who like my writing like you did

ik that I should be writing for myself and everything, and for the most part I am! I write bc I like writing and it makes me happy! But it's just so so discouraging to see my little silly posts that take me 5 minutes to make do fantastic, meanwhile the works that take me weeks of effort get like 3 notes yk?

How do you do it? Did you ever deal with something similar? Any words of wisdom for the struggling noobs?

(This is a genuine question, I'm not trying to be rude in any way shape or form and I'm very sorry if it came off like that) (Also sorry to bother you)

You’re good, I’m not bothered by questions and I don’t think you’re asking anything rude either! I especially don’t mind the “please explain this thing I don’t know much about to me” type of questions, there’s just some shit you can’t effectively google or things that just make more sense coming from someone with direct experience. 

First and foremost: the two cakes meme is law!! No one will ever complain about getting two cakes, no matter if you think someone else already did it better! 

Second and second-most: as a newbie, before you read any of my advice at all, remember that you're currently comparing yourself to someone who’s been writing fic for their entire writing experience and has also been in fandom on and off for pretty much all of that time on multiple sites and through at least a couple major migrations of fandom hubs, and that time has been about twenty-five years now. Like, it has very much been a long-term process, me learning how to find a receptive audience for my stuff. Also I am a grown-ass adult who is currently pushing forty and am pretty self-aware of who I am as a person due to a WHOLE lot of personal introspection and therapy and general life experience. Like, I know how I work at this point in my life, if nothing else.

The long-form answer of my personal fandom process will definitely require a cut at this point, though, haha. Like, this got kind of involved, ngl, but since you’re asking I figure it’s reasonable to go into detail.

So anyway, the “how to find your audience” answer is obviously gonna be different for everybody, but PERSONALLY, I've been in fandom for a long-ass time and just about always been pretty prolific and consistently communicative and available during the times I was around. I have a ton of different fandoms and fics in my history and have run into a lot of different people and written a lot of different things over the years, so I've cast a pretty wide net of options for people to find me through. I've got readers who've followed me through multiple fandoms and even deliberately gotten into new ones because of me just because they like how I write and know me well enough from my other writing to trust that I’ll be respectful of certain things (or at least put in a good-faith effort to be). Your kink is not my kink, but I’m not gonna hate on it; your thing is not my thing, but you have fun over there, you DO your thing!

Being prolific is super-helpful, of course, because that gets people in the habit of checking in on you regularly and keeps you fresh in their minds, but one of the most effective ways I’ve gotten people long-term interested in my work is by being very responsive to readers and very open about what I’m currently working on. Taking requests has helped, asking who wants to see more of what has helped, talking to people in general has helped, and definitely playing “yes, and?” with ideas I’ve been offered has helped. Also I had the benefit of LiveJournal being one of my main fandom hubs for a while, where I met a lot of people and got in the habit of talking to them in a way Tumblr does not necessarily intuitively facilitate, so that’s just a habit for me. 

I definitely still produce stuff that comparatively flops and get bummed about it, it’s just a thing I’ve gotten used to over the years and so I either kill my darlings and move on to the next thing or I decide “naw, I’m still into this idea, I’mma work on it more anyway”. That’s obviously much easier when at least a couple other people are also into said idea, but still, it’s a thing you just gotta decide for yourself either way. Like I’ve DEFINITELY had stuff I slaved over get just about totally ignored while things I only tossed up on a whim off the top of my head or just intended as jokes people adored and resonated with way more, which is part of why I do so many WIP memes where I’m drip-feeding bits and pieces of content more regularly. One of my recent fics didn’t get near as much of a reception or interest on AO3 as I’d hoped it would, but when I was writing it on Tumblr people DID get excited for and enjoy it during the process, so that helped soothe that particular indignity/frustration for me.

Also, I’ve gotten enough people invested in my writing at this point that it’s much easier for me than it is for some writers, because I can do things like ask “hey what do you guys like/want to see more of?” and I’ll pretty much always get an answer, simply because so many people are in the habit of regularly checking on my blog and talking to me now. Polls are very helpful that way too, because it’s a functionally anonymous way for shyer people or people who are just casually scrolling their dash to give you an idea of what they’re enjoying from you without having to disrupt their flow or psych themselves up or anything like that. Like, it’s low-pressure, you know? I have done a LOT of polls since I found out Tumblr has those now.

I also constantly encourage people to both talk to me about and also play with my interpretations and AUs as they so please, and I deliberately cultivate responsive relationships with as many readers as I can. I don’t always have the spoons to answer every ask, but I always try to answer the majority of them and try not to ignore questions. A significant chunk of people have told me that they read tropes and AUs from me that they hate from other writers because they just trust that I’ll write it in a way that they can enjoy. I will include certain things and a certain level of respect that they just would not be comfortable without, and if I don’t have those things in there or there’s a common trigger, I’ll at least have done my best to tag for it. And I listen to people who tell me when I’m fucking up and I either take reasonable accommodations or change my behavior where appropriate. I tag for common triggers, I don’t use terms I’ve been told are insults or slurs, I try not to associate negative connotations with physical characteristics or things people can’t change about themselves, and when I have a reflexive “squick” reaction, I try not to assume shit and try to examine my biases. Or I just back-button and move on, if it comes to it. I also do my best to assume the best of people until they prove that I should not be. I am very much going to de-escalate when and wherever I can. 

I generally consider myself a low-drama blog and a low-drama person to follow, and put in effort to be that as best I can, and at this point I think (or at least hope) people feel relatively confident that they can talk to me without having to worry about immediately getting their head bitten off, which seems to be an increasing fear/concern that some people have in fandom. Therefore, I get people talking to me pretty regularly, because I’ve gone to the effort to be as approachable as I know how to make myself.

Also, yeah: above all else, write what you wanna write! Write your weird and niche dreams! Trust me, somebody out there LOVES your weird and niche dreams and wants all the deets on ‘em. I get the most engagement and interest when I just write what I really wanna see and don’t particularly worry about how goddamn weird I think I’m being. People are actually gonna be EXCITED about how goddamn weird I think I’m being, because a lot of them want it too and they’re not finding it as easily as a lot of the more popular stuff. 

So like . . . hope at least some of that was helpful, feel free to ask follow-up questions if you have any, hah.

[oddeyevibes]

The Rock w/ A Goth S/O

(Like usual, this is kayfabe compliant. Also, this has elements of my fic idea basically but I’m still workshopping stuff so I decided to do headcanons cause why not)

You debuted just before the WWF fully embraced their attitude and aspects of goth sub-culture bled into the federation. So that made you kind of an oddball but, obviously, you embraced it.

So it was an odd pairing between you and “Rocky Maivia”. This rookie femme fatale and this fresh-faced third gen up-and-comer looking to make a name for himself.

I would say, maybe in the beginning you two would keep your relationship under wraps, with the both of you coming off as either friends or twos newbies simply looking out for each other.

The other wrestlers that were heel aligned wasted no time in giving Rock dirty looks cause of how close he was getting to you.

You would support and help him train as he wanted to be some Hulk Hogan-esque hero to the fans but it wasn’t working.

At first, he was in that stage of denial and wanting passive advice. The “it’ll get better” type deals because he felt if he kept trying, he could win them over. He was even given those talks by the other faces backstage.

As someone who was more “heel aligned”, you thought that was horse shit but you supported what he initially wanted.

It wasn’t until the “Die Rocky Die” chants and signs that you put your foot down.

“Tell them to go fuck themselves” you would say and he would ignore it. Trying to talk YOU down from going out there and cursing people out.

“I just have to run my own race and I’ll win them over.” He was so naive. The poor baby.

But you were determined. Becoming the little devil on his shoulder while the other baby faces kept trying to urge him to stay on the “right” path. The path of “perseverance”.

“Who cares what the fans think?”

“They don’t even know what they want. They’d rather cheer on dinosaurs than new blood”

“Stop lying down and waiting for them to respect you. TAKE their respect.”

At first, he would laugh at your persistence. “Girl, you are a bad influence on me.”

But then it started getting to him more and more, and with the Nation of Domination now urging him, he finally took matters into his own hands.

After the crowd watched him raise his fist alongside Farooq, it was no holds barred.

Now instead of being some fresh faced Romeo + Juliet type fling, you two went full on power couple.

Subtext became straight up text.

I said it before in my other headcanon but it bears repeating, with your styles, the both of you would end up matching CONSTANTLY.

Also vial of his blood? You can totally have it. Obviously, I gotta mention it.

While The Rock is not one to cheat, that was the service you offered any heel clients you valet’d for but it was a matter of trust. Trust that he can get the job done because he always could.

He’s finally out of his shell enough to let you take him to a goth club and boy does he fit in with the way he dances.

You have full control of the music when y’all are driving from place to place until one song that he just can’t stand and he takes your CD out. Not even huffing will make him budge.

He sings to you. He takes the songs you like and randomly sings them to you. He wants to dance with you. He’ll even try to sing them slowly for a slow dance. It becomes a battle to see how long you can go without laughing.

He sometimes goes to wrestlers like Edge & Christian (and sometimes Undertaker) for advice on gifts.

Mankind ADORES you.

While I wouldn’t recommend on WWE/WWF Wedding (name one time the ceremony succeeded), if y’all confident it’ll work for y’all and Mankind is gonna officiate. That or Dude Love (who happens to be great pals with Mankind).

Rocky does help you break some of your heel-ish habits. Despite it all, he encourages you not to be TOO underhanded. Not in a controlling way but in a “you can do better” way, y’know?

In general, this is a relationship that a lot of other folks think shouldn’t work but it works just fine for the both of you.

[nanowrimo]

Pro Tips from a NaNo Coach: Getting Through the Muddy Middle of Your Novel

NaNoWriMo can seem like a daunting task sometimes, for NaNo newbies and veterans alike. Fortunately, our NaNo Coaches are here to help guide you through November! Today, author Peng Shepherd is here to share her advice on how to set yourself up for noveling success:

Welcome to the middle stretch of the NaNoWriMo challenge! Whether this is your first NaNoWriMo or you’re a seasoned, ink-stained veteran, and whether you started strong right out of the gate or it took you a little bit of time to warm up, we’re well on our way with this journey now—and reality might be starting to set in. 

Beginnings are the easiest part of a novel, I’ve always thought. It’s just you and the blank page and your excitement. Anything is possible! You can do whatever you want! It’s easy to lay down words in a frenzy because you’re building from nothing, so nothing has to make sense, nothing has to pay off, yet. You’re just trying to get from “zero” to “something” as fast as you can. 

And then eventually, far in the future, the ending of the novel will come. And at that moment, even if you’re exhausted, you’ll have so much momentum and you’ll know your characters and story so well that you’ll be hurtling toward that finish line—possibly even faster than when you started the story, full of inspiration and still unsinged by the first flames of burnout.

It’s the middles the are the hardest.

Those meandering, saggy, slow middles.

The problem with middles is that by this point in the manuscript, your draft actually might be starting to look like a book-shaped thing. And while this is great in terms of progress, it’s also really tough in terms of morale. Because for the first time, there’s finally enough material that you can see how messy, confusing, and seemingly unsalvageable what you already have is… and also how much farther you still have to go. 

Then, life gets in the way. You miss a day or two, and fall behind on word count. A work emergency happens, or your laptop goes on the fritz. Friends need help, you realize you have to delete ten pages, then the roof starts leaking. And your plot still doesn’t make any sense, your characters won’t behave, and you have no idea how to fix any of it. You’re lost, you’re exhausted, and you’re still nowhere near the finish line—how did you think you were ever going to write something as gigantic as entire novel? It’s impossible!

There’s a little piece of advice I give myself at overwhelming moments like these:

When the goal or the pressure feels too big, go small. Really small.

A book is a huge thing. It’s way too big to hold in your head like that! Trying to face a goal of that size every single day you sit down can crush you.

So, don’t think about the whole picture. I like to tell myself, I’m not writing a book today. Or, I’m not writing a first draft today. Or even, I’m not writing a chapter today. Instead, I tell myself, I’m just writing this next scene, or, I’m just changing her location from Chicago to San Francisco. 

Or, in this case, I’m just writing 1,667 words today (or whatever your session goal is).

This advice helps me remember that I indeed do not have to write the entire book in one day. I just have to write a single scene, or fix a single thing. I’ll worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. And I’ll worry about whether the draft any good or not, or how to revise it, even later than that.

So, if you’ve been struggling lately or feeling crushed under the weight of your goal, I invite you to try this tactic. Right now, or after work, or later tonight, find a few minutes and open up that laptop or notebook. Don’t reread what you wrote last time and start tinkering to make it better, don’t review your outline to confirm things are still making sense, don’t take stock of your progress to see how much you have left. Don’t think about the rest of the manuscript and how it all has to connect. Just think about the part that’s right in front of you. The scene that you’re in right now.

Remember, you’re not writing a whole book today. You’re not writing a whole chapter today, even. 

You’re just writing this one small scene.

Now, onward! Because the only way out of a middle is through it.

Peng Shepherd was born and raised in Phoenix, Arizona, and has lived in Beijing, Kuala Lumpur, London, New York, and Mexico City. Her second novel, The Cartographers, became a national bestseller, was named a Best Book of March by The Washington Post, and received a fellowship from the National Endowment for the Arts. Her debut, The Book of M, won the Neukom Institute for Literary Arts Award, and was chosen as a best book of the year by Amazon, Elle, Refinery29, and The Verge, as well as a best book of the summer by the Today show and NPR’s On Point.

[drivestraight]

Hey, I hope you don’t mind this ask but do you have tips for reading classics as like a newbie. Im taking this philosophy/discussion type course where we have to read some older books and im like really bad at doing that so… if it helps some of the books I’ll be reading is the Iliad, the good life, nicomachean ethics, Plato on love etc.

hiii sorry i’ve finally got the time to answer !! i dont mind at all haha i love philosophy and classics and love talking abt it so im happy to help!

so my most broad advice is that. philosophy is like really fucking hard and anyone who tells you otherwise either has only read pop philosophy or just is being a dick about it. its really tough especially if its your first time doing it. if it feels like its coming easy thats because you’re likely not reading it closely enough lol. tldr: it’ll be frustrating, esp the classics at first.

aristotle will just be unpleasant the entire way through, but one thing that helped me a lot is like - really thinking about what the concepts mean and trying to separate that word from whatever modern meaning it has. for example “function” and “cause” in aristotelean ethics is not what we would think abt when we think about function or cause.

often he won’t run through arguments closely - it’ll be interspersed throughout like. all of his works and he’ll draw from ideas ur already expected to know so its annoying. but i’d recommend like going online & looking up how the arguments flow while you read, to make things go faster + also make sure you dont get lost in the weeds. but also dont use online resources as a crutch - you might be reading something that’s just wrong/disputed - there’s modern philosophers who still disagree on how to read large portions of aristotle. anyway - basically with aristotle, a good mix of external help + thinking it through on your own will be good

plato is like - a pleasant read at first. until you actually try and figure out his arguments. and then its like very complex and subtle and annoying to catch all the moves he’s secretly making. basically, i’d try to map out the premises of the argument as much as you can.

i’m not entirely sure what you mean by the good life haha so idk which philosopher thats referring to

here are two really great resources:

the pink guide

how to write a philosophy paper

neither are by any means gospel or maybe even the best guides out there, but they helped me a lot when i was first starting/even by the end of undergrad when i needed a refresher on how to do philosophy lol

as for the iliad - this one isnt philosophy so pretty much i’d just say have fun with it! don’t be afraid to also look things up constantly/read summaries bc homer can be really daunting when you don’t already have a classical background/know who people are. like for the iliad pretty much just enjoy the ride :)

[soupisservedhot]

Hello! I'm interested in participating in the kbnz zine, but I never have done a zine before, and admittedly don't know much about zines in general besides a few passing posts on my dash. Do you have any tips or advice for someone just getting started on doing zines and stuff?

Hi! Thanks for reaching out!

As long as your are 18+ and a KBNZ lover, JOIN US!

You can register for the zine here: https://form.jotform.com/241838187844065

There’s a Q&A page, but feel free to DM me for clarifications.

In all honesty, I’m just winging it. It’s my first time doing a fanzine online and I’ve never participated in one before.

All I know is that I wanted to connect with other kbnz lovers and revive the excitement for the ship.

Zine are super informal, DIY, community love works. They dont need to follow a rigid format.

I’d say just experiment. If you wanna make a zine go for it, organize how you’ll be gathering the info. I like jotform because it classifies everything for me, makes graphs so I can see how many people are doing what and puts every entry in an excel for me. Some people use google form and that’s cool too!

I’ll be using Canva to put the zine together as a PDF and still looking for a good flipbook app to also make it into a flipbook format.

I donno, I’m a newbie like you.

Also, if you have time, go check out how other zines are being done, take notes, check out how they look. Don’t be scared to ask for help to put it together too!

[hestiashearthfire]

I've been trying to meditate to try to talk to Apollo, and I was wondering if there are tips you can give me to a newbie? I feel like whenever I meditate that I'm not really following along when I try to do guided meditations or I get distracted with outside noises. Sorry for the long ask and thank you so much in advance.

I may not be the best person to ask, Anon. I am notoriously bad at meditating, but because I suck at it, I’ll share some thoughts and tips that have helped me.

First, never go into meditation expecting anything. I see stories of “mystical experiences” all the time, but I’ve never really had something wild happen. I’m not saying those things can’t happen, just that I think they happen far less often than the internet suggests.

Second, we’re now meditating, but it’s awful; what do we do now? Well, nothing, honestly. Let’s just be up front with each other—serious meditation is hard, and it isn’t for everybody.

But isn’t meditation supposed to be good for us? Yeah, it sure is, but you shouldn’t expect to be able to meditate like a monk immediately. Instead, try a few things:

Get comfortable. Don’t sit in a lotus position if it hurts. Hell, don’t even sit on the ground if it hurts. Don’t sit anywhere it hurts. Sit comfortably. If you can’t cross your legs, just sit in a chair. If you’re having trouble sitting up straight, use pillows. Lay down for all I care; just be comfortable and alert.

Set realistic expectations. By realistic, I mean really realistic. If you’re just starting or really having a hard time, five minutes is plenty. Work your way up to longer periods, and don’t feel like you need to sit for long stretches.

Think outside the box. We all probably have had the image of a zen monk in our head at one time, but other meditation styles exist. If you don’t like sitting, try mantra meditation with a mala, walking meditation, or meditation with an image, candle, or physical object. Chanting phrases can help us to focus, as can holding beads, or focusing our eyes rather than closing them. I also find chores can be meditative; folding clothes and washing dishes are often moments of prayer for me.

This is all just general advice of course, and I’m no expert, by any stretch of the imagination. So what should we do when we get distracted? The simplest answer is keep going! You’re a human being; you’re going to be distracted at some point, no matter how well you meditate. When I veer off course, I find it helpful to focus on my breath, take a moment to reorient myself, and continue. With practice, you’ll have an easier time focusing.

For me, I just try to remember my own limitations. I’m disabled; I hurt a lot. On a good day, I can do maybe ten minutes of seated meditation. I use prayer beads a lot because having something physical to hold helps me, and it’s a quick practice for even busy days. Sometimes I don’t get to meditate, and that’s okay too.

Anon, it seems like you’re doing your best. Keep at it! You’re not failing because you’re distracted; that’s part of the process. Keep going, and remember to give yourself grace; you are an imperfect human, but we all are. Pray to Apollo for help, and remember the gods love you just as you are.

[paldean-ranger-brandy]

📀

Send me a 📀 for a recent(ish) memory from my muse

“Ahem, excuse me, I need to speak with one, ah, ‘tree mommy,’ please?” A woman dressed head-to-toe in the brightest orange Brandy had ever seen leaned over the desk Brandy had set herself up at. Brandy threw a pencil at her.

“Fuck outta here Mark, I’m on lunch,” Brandy said to the woman who served as Tagtree Thicket’s operator, and whose name was definitely ‘Maryk’ and not ‘Mark’. 

“Wha- ow! Meanie! This is workplace harassment.” Maryk flinched as the pencil hit her, accidentally knocking it into her hair where it immediately got stuck in her dark curls. “Oooooo, now it’s all stuckies. I’m telling Joel.”

“Go for it, tell Joel. I’ll stick a pencil in his hair too. I’m unstoppable.” 

Maryk huffed at this, trying to work the pencil out of her hair without teasing out too much frizz. “Fine. I guess I’ll tell him that your little Rox has been late starting patrol 3 days running too. Since you apparently don’t care.”

“Uggggh.” Brandy leaned back in her chair, a hand placed dramatically over her eyes. “Maryk no, I really don’t feel like arguing with Rox right now.”

Rox was one of the newer rangers on Brandy’s team of area rangers that helped her take care of Tagtree Thicket. She was also the most contrarian person Brandy had ever met. Every order, every rule, every piece of advice was always and immediately questioned. Which was something that Brandy liked, hell it was a quality Brandy was quite proud to have in common with Rox. But being questioned day in and day out on every little thing did, as it turned out, get exhausting. 

“I mean like girl. I get it. Question authority, absolutely. But every time she’s questioned me on something I’ve given her a good reason for it. I don’t tell them to do anything if there isn’t a good reason for it. I tell them when the reason is just ‘because Joel will get mad’ and I tell them why ‘Joel getting mad’ is something they want to avoid. I have been so open and honest every single day - have I not earned any trust from this girl?”

Maryk just shrugged, still attempting to gently twist the pencil out of her hair. “I don’t know. Has Joel earned any trust from you?”

“Yes.” 

“Really?” Maryk raised an eyebrow. “Or have you just run out of things to question him on?”

“I- hm.” Brandy paused to consider this. “I guess you’re right. I just know everything now.” 

The operator rolled her eyes, finally freeing the pencil from her hair and tossing it back. “Uh huh. Well, you are a field ranger supervisor. It’s literally your job to share that knowledge. Rox is just being extra efficient about it.” 

“Yeah, I guess that’s one way to put it.” Brandy sighed, and pushed herself up from the desk. “Guess I’ll go talk to her. Thanks for the tip, narc.”

“You are so welcome, tree mommy.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

“Oi, Rox. It’s 10:15. Pretty sure you were supposed to be out in the bush 15 minutes ago.” Rox was sitting in the staff area, feet curled up onto the brown, leather couch and phone in hand. She looked to be no older than 17, with dark hair and eyes and a misdreavus floating beside her. Brandy limped over to the young ranger in question. They noted, with slight amusement, that Rox was in fact fully in uniform and geared up, suggesting that her tardiness was just her latest way to test boundaries. 

Rox’s stubborn glare and crossed arms seemed to confirm this. “So? It’s a few minutes, what difference does it make?”

“It makes a difference in two ways, newbie.” Brandy lowered themself into a nearby chair. “One, if something happens in that forest while you’re on patrol and you aren’t there to fix it, that becomes your mistake. From the time patrol starts to the time it ends, that forest is your responsibility, and you’re culpable for anything that happens in it for that time. If you’re an area ranger and you aren’t ranging your area during your designated range time, and something goes down, it’s gonna be your ass on the line.”

“Well, that’s my risk to take.” She responded, though she didn’t sound entirely convinced.

“Yeah, but I can’t imagine you took this job to take risks. I can tell you for sure that we didn’t hire you to take risks. Personally, I’m gonna be pretty peeved with you if some nutjob with a lighter pulls some shit while you’re supposed to be out there guarding that forest.”

Rox tilted her head, acquiescing the point. “Still-”

“Hold that thought for a mo’, there’s a second point here.” Brandy cut off whatever argument Rox was about to muster. “When you start your patrol late, it screws up everyone else’s shifts. It should take the full two hours to patrol the entire forest properly, and whoever is scheduled after you can’t start their patrol until you come back and give your patrol summary. If you start late, you’re gonna end late. And if you end late, the person after you is gonna also start late. And that’s rude as hell to your teammates. You don’t know what kind of plans or appointments they have scheduled after their shift.”

Rox pursed her lips at this. As combative as she was, Brandy would not have agreed to put Rox on her team if she wasn’t the kind of person who cared about her teammates. “Well, what if I’m on the last shift of the day?”

Brandy shrugged at this. “If you’re on the last shift and you start a few minutes late, I honestly won’t give a shit. 15 minutes is pushing it though, a lot can happen in 15 minutes.” Brandy paused, a thought occurring to her. “Joel might be annoyed though, for the first reason I gave you. And he’ll know when your patrol starts, he memorizes the shifts when we send them in for approval.”

“Alright, I guess that makes sense.” 

“Girl, everything I tell you to do makes sense.” 

“Yeah, once you explain it.” Rox pushed up from the couch, giving Brandy a lazy two finger salute. “Well, I’m off then. Thanks for the talk.”

“No problem, Rox,” Brandy said, leaning back into the sofa. “Always a pleasure convincing you to do your job.”

[learninglore]

As a newbie polytheist there are so many things I admire and imagine that I know require more commitment than I should make at this point.

I got my first book about Loki delivered in early February, so I imagine my first focused, serious interest in this spiritual path coming either early February or sometime mid to late January. But even if it came slightly after that, I’m comfortable considering the beginning of my polytheist path as just approximately this year, 2024, and I’m thinking that’ll be easiest to remember if I remain committed going forward.

With that in mind, I think I’m going to avoid big Decisions till 2025. I know I’ll still be “new” by many standards when I’ve only been doing this a year, but I’m thinking of it like how a first year on a football team is considered a rookie, then the next year they’re no longer considered that, even if it’s still regularly commented how new and green or how much experience they need.

Maybe I’ll still be new to make bigger commitments next year, maybe my discernment won’t be much better, maybe I’ll have been through a lot and my discernment will be way better. But either way, I know I get really passionate and excited early on in any project I start, and the last thing I need is to follow that high and make some big Life Oath to find in a few months I can’t meet that, or claim I’m Godspoused to what turns out to be a sock puppet and ultimately find out the Deity doesn’t know my name. Or worse, I don’t want to be Godspoused to a Deity only to find I don’t actually want to be, was just overwhelmed by how lovely it feels to be near the Divine, or something. I only have one Deity I’m working with right now, but that might change, and regardless, better not to let myself fantasize myself into some kind of embarrassing hole. I admire the relationships I see around me, here, but I have a lifetime for my own, and if next year I find myself only wanting to engage with my religion casually or not at all, I don’t want to have made oaths I can’t keep. Likewise, if I’m still as passionately invested, i want to have had time to improve at discernment and be able to tell what my Deities actually want from me- if none actually want any kind of oath or commitment from me, I’m not gonna push. And as far as Godspousing goes- my fascination with it is probably going to pass. It’s a serious thing I can’t expect will happen to me. Even if I legit feel like I fall in love with a Deity, it’s most likely said Deity won’t want that from me, and the relationship is not the same as the human one I’m used to. Kind of embarrassed to even admit I’ve thought about it that deeply, but whatever. Just because I like the idea, doesn’t mean anything. I’m not here for a partner in that sense, I’m here to engage with the divine and become more fully myself. Some embarrassing daydreams shouldn’t make that less legit.

So yeah. Thoughts. Basically I’m in beginner mode. I’m going to engage with my UPG but I’m going to make an effort to avoid jumping into anything that might be me imagining things I want to hear or that I might not be ready for, or that I might not be able to get out of later. That doesn’t just go for spiritual oaths or whatever, that’s also like- advice. Guidance. I’ll listen to whatever my Deities say but if I think They’re telling me to do something that I can’t undo, in a sense, I need to take the decision slow.

Who knows this time next year what I’ll think of this post, but it’s where my mind is right now.

[priscirat]

I’m back! So long story short, I decided to download Bandori lol. So far I’ve been taking it slow. I’m not sure how long it’ll be for me to learn each girl and band’s name, but I’ll try. I’m slowly reading through the main story (starting with year 1 since I like reading chronologically). Idk if you’re comfortable with this, but can I add you? Or maybe some people who wouldn’t mind a newbie would be willing to share their IDs? Also, do you have any beginner advice?

omg so happy to hear so !!! and ofc u can add me id is 6880171 i still got a good bunch of friend slots

as for beginner advice... since you are familiar with prsk id say you'll find your footing quite easily in the grinding, adjusting your settings to fit your preferences etc.

you'll see that actually bandori is Way less grind demanding to level up area objects and all. lvl 5 for area objects will make u have a s score on most song even if u have a team full of 3* ! (also u gotta change them around unlike prsk who Always have all of them activated but auto settings will save u on that)

tho be careful that. songs that are lvl 26+ can have quite a gap in difficulty compared to prsk lmao. for example i can manage to get thru a good bunch of lvl 29 prsk songs but i CANT clear for the life of me most 28 from bandori lmao.

always play in bonus x3 its the most optimized way to get ep and so free cards. and just in Case that you are a potential tierer. save your big cans and such theyre way rarer than small cans.

but other than that once youre done with the og main story just have fun getting to know those fellas !! just do whatever feels most right for you and take your time :D

[randomfangirl456]

Shadows of Saintfour

Chapter 2: Welcome to Saintfour

All night long I was plagued by nightmares. In the morning my eyes could barely open, and it was gray and dull outside. It wasn’t shaping up to be the best day of my life. 

I don’t want to go anywhere… or do… anything.

There was nothing in the room yet: just bare walls and a mattress in the corner. It made everything seem even less cozy.

Okay, this isn’t going to work. I gotta decorate this place, I have plenty of time.

What should I do with it?

 I unpacked my things, hung my orange curtains, matching the bedsheets. I put my small TV I had on my little, dark brown table.

That’s better, Now it’s somehow a bit sunnier.

My mom came into the room, ‘Wow! I didn’t realize my daughter had such great taste.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

“Should we go? You’ve got to be on time for your first day.”

“Yep- let’s go.”

I gazed silently out the window the entire ride, thinking about how I have to spend at least a couple years here. Mom was also silent, thinking it’s better to not disturb me. 

Arriving at school, she turned in my direction, waiting for me to say something. When I didn’t, she asked: “Are you worried?”

“Well, yeah… a little.”

“That’s normal. I’m sure by the end of the day you will already have made friends with someone. Good luck, honey.” She smiled at me.

“Thanks, Mom.” I smiled back, half-heartedly. 

The schoolyard was crowded in the morning. All the voices and noises from approaching cars merged into a single cacophony.

I got out of the car, carrying my bag on my left shoulder.

“Who’s the new girl?” A guy asked.

I slowly walked towards the main entrance, taking everything in. But, suddenly I ran into some kind of gorilla who appeared in front of me. Almost losing my balance, I dropped my bag, and all of my notebooks scattered right in front of the school entrance.

“Hey, watch where you’re going!” A guy shouted at me.

“Pay attention yourself, ya freak!” I replied.

The guy turned around abruptly, looked at me for a couple of seconds in silence. His mouth was gaping.

“And quit staring at me!”

I nervously started collecting the scattered notebooks back into my backpack.

“First day of school, and you’re already making enemies? Yeah… you’d do fine.” He smiled, weirdly, “But seriously, that kind of behavior won’t do you any favors here. You need to know who’s worth talking to and who’s really not.”

“I think I’ll manage without your advice, thanks.”

“My name’s Michael.” He was a tall, thin but muscular boy, his brown hair was gelled and he wore a green Saintfour jacket.

I tried to pick up the last fallen notebook, but he beat me to it.

“Remember my name, baby. You’ll be saying it more than once.”

“I doubt that.”

“We’ll see.” He smiled.

What a dick.

The bell rang. Michael held out my notebook, and disappeared into the crowd, rushing into the school. Gathering my thoughts, I followed him.

The teacher had not yet arrived, so the class was very chaotic. Someone was laughing loudly, others sitting on their desks.

I froze in the aisle, looking for a place where I could sit.

“Oh-ho! Another victim!” The same guy from outside shouted.

There were some chuckles… I didn’t really understand how that was funny. 

Among the taken desks, I noticed a free place. I didn’t even have time to take a seat before the mocking began again.

“What’s up newbie? Such a grumpy face… are you afraid of us?”

The whole class began to laugh, their nasty giggles made me feel sick, but I could not show my weakness.

“This is just how my face gets when around people that look like you…”

In response to my comment, someone laughed.

His face twisted and he was visibly upset. The tension dispersed. I still felt people glancing over at me, but the pressure was off for the moment. What a way to start the school year.

As soon as I sat down at my desk, my desk neighbor stretched out her hand.

“I’m Candy, nice to meet you! Well done, pulling that off on him. He likes to tease, he deserved it.” 

She had short curly, bleached-blonde hair, she wore a pink sweater and a light blue denim skirt.

“Miss Baker’s coming!”

Everyone sat down, and the noise subsided.

The teacher came into the classroom. She stopped at her desk, looked at Candy, giving her a long inspecting look, and then slowly turned her eyes to me.

Her hair was orange and massively frizzy, and short. She was old, wearing small glasses that lay at the end of her nose. She wore a light pink lipstick paired with her red top and white jeans. She had wrinkles and her eyebrows were thin. She had a frown, staring at me.

Her face flinched, she shook her head, looking around the room as if afraid and then sat down.

“What’s the matter with her?” I whispered over to Candy.

“Don’t pay attention to that. She’s… strange. Maybe she has a nervous tic or something. Miss Baker just arrived in town a week before you did, by the way.” She whispered back.

PRESENT DAY

“Actually, she arrived long before that.” Candy admitted, her light blue eyes stared at me, placing her hands in her pockets.

“Well, you told me so”

“I couldn’t say that!” Candy counteracted, her face growing cold.

“What difference does it make? She lived for a long time in Saintfour, but she started to work as a teacher only a couple weeks before that day.” Bobby said, breaking the tension.

“Yes, exactly!” Candy said.

“Did we clear that up? Can I continue?”

AUTUMN OF ‘86

“Mia, right?” Miss Baker asked, her face not changing.

“Yes…”

Could I stop getting so much attention for one day?

“Welcome to Sainfour, Mia…” She smiled, it was sinister, making me feel uncomfortable.

She shook her head again, dictated the assignment, and then began to walk around the desks, handing out the papers.

“The teachers were told to give each student some of them, so you can pass them on to your friends. If anyone’s seen Sam, they should contact Sheriff Nixton. Is everyone clear?”

Candy leaned over, whispering to me, “The whole school is already plastered with them, but we’re given a few more copies to take back home, as if it’s gonna help find him.”

“Pssst, Derek! What’s the news, by the way?” Some guy asked.

“With what?” Derek replied.

“Nobody washed ashore, did your dad say anything?”

‘God, you’re such a jerk!” Candy said to him.

“He didn’t say anything. And it’s none of your business.” Derek called.

“How’s it not? We all live here.”

“How did this guy disappear? I turned to talk to Candy, but from the next row up, Derek interjected.

“Don’t pay it any mind. It’s just an isolated case- first of its kind in Sainfour.”

“First of its kind, what?” I asked, the panic in my voice revealing itself.

Derek fell silent. Candy squirmed a bit in her chair. I looked around and noticed everyone whispering. I felt an odd feeling that something was being omitted for my benefit.

Something obviously was bothering everyone, and that made me uneasy. 

“He disappeared a couple days ago, when…” Candy wanted to add something further, but she was stopped by the teacher’s voice.

“Mia, Candy, did you finish the assignment?”

“No.” I admitted.

“So, perhaps, instead of talking, you should focus on that?” She frowned.

Miss Baker’s face twitched again. She seemed so frightened of something. She closed her eyes, nervously folding her hands, and then with a sharp movement, grabbed a notebook and started flipping through it. Her behavior was a little scary. I had the feeling that I was checking in on a very sick person. As soon as Miss Baker was focused on the notebook, Derek rejoined the conversation.

“I hope Sam just ran away from home. I don’t know… But his dad is looking for him.”

“Derek’s dad is the sheriff here.” Candy added.

“Wow, great.”

“Depends how you wanna look at it.” His green eyes looked around the room.

The conversation drifted to a close. I looked out the window, abandoning my attempts to focus on the task. It was overcast- I’d never seen any other weather in Sainfour. Through the fog, it was just possible to see the crooked branches of the trees, shifting around in the wind.

They knocked a bit against the window and scratched the glass, as if they were long, creepy thin arms, sending a chill down my spine.

To rid myself of the thought, I closed my eyes and shook my head, and when I looked out the window again, the branches no longer seemed quite so ominous.

Everything about this place makes me shiver.

Miss Baker interrupted my thoughts, “Mia, maybe you can manage to complete the assignment at least by the end of the period?”

“I don’t think I can.” I said softly, slightly embarrassed.

“No? Well, not a great start, day one. I’d advise you, Mia, to get your head in the game, or this will not turn out well for you…” She smiled.

I noticed the mockery of my classmates, and realized that those who don't do well with tests and stuff are not well-liked here. Miss Baker gave me the creeps, too.

Now she stared at me as closely as she had earlier with Candy. Her lips were twisted in disgust, and her eyes seemed to be studying my very soul.

I got an ‘F’

Okay, this class isn’t going to be easy, that’s for sure!

Miss Baker opened her journal and slowly started to proceed to write something in it…

PRESENT DAY

Something creaked… and creaked again…

I fell silent at once when I heard the floorboards creaking under someone’s feet.

“Who’s there?” Bobby asked, his eyes wide and his cheeks flushed.

“Hush.” I replied, trying to hear where the sound was coming from. 

I looked around the room, the lighting lighting up every few seconds… Everyone froze, watching a high shadow appear in the window, and then pass by. The footsteps continued slowly, stopping at the door

The seconds bled into far too long. Unable to wait, I jumped off the couch and opened the door.

There was a man with short hair, green eyes, he was tan and wore a blue top. His mouth was open in shock…

My eyes were wide open… he looked so familiar… My heart was beating somewhere up into my throat. I wanted to scream, even though I recognized Derek in the shadows.

There was nothing to be afraid of. But the fear at my core almost made me scream out…

I quickly pulled myself together, not showing that I was scared.

“What are you guys doing here!?” Derek asked, visibly pissed off.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Bobby asked, in a sarcastic tone.

“No, it’s really not. Do you not understand that you’re breaking the law?”

“What are you talking about?” Candy snapped back at him.

“This house is my property. And I didn’t invite you.”

“This house belongs to all of us!” I said, angry as all hell.

“Does it? You all left- and you haven’t been here for how long? Eleven years? Twelve? This house is mine now.”

“You talk as if you’re accusing us of something.”

“I am. I understand why you left. But whatever happened, you shouldn’t have given up everything. Especially after what happened.”

Derek sat on the sofa, took out a pack of cigarettes and nervously lit one.

“Anyone want one?”

“Thanks.” I said, Derek held out a cigarette and lit a match, casting light on everyone’s faces.

He got old. I wonder if he’s thinking the same thing about me now…

“So, what are you doing here?” Derek asked.

“We don’t really know.” Bobby replied.

I looked out the window. The moon peeped out from behind the clouds, its light reflected in the surface of the lake.

“The rain’s all done, I think. We can head home if we want.” I said.

Everyone was silent, continuing to sit in their places.

And yet this place holds us in place. It doesn’t want to let us go.

No one dared to break the silence, so I continued my story…

AUTUMN OF ‘86

I agreed with Candy to meet after school, and go home together. While I was waiting for her at the entrance of the school, someone called out to me.

“Hey, new girl?” Luke said.

“Hi.” I smiled.

“How was your first day of school?”

“It was awful.”

“Why? What happened?”

“I got an F on the first day. Everyone was whispering about it…”

“Don’t worry, it will take a couple days, and everyone will forget about you.”

“Well, that sounds grand.” I smiled, punching him lightly on the shoulder.

“Haha! I’m sorry, I mean, they’ll forget that you’re new. But I will definitely not forget about you. I wanted to ask… Let’s go somewhere… Say, a picnic in the forest? I would like to get to know you better. It is rare to meet someone interesting here in Saintfour- no offense to the rest, of course.”

 I need some friends… and I feel calm around him. It’d be foolish to refuse.

“Yes, of course. That would be great.” I smiled.

“Really? Awesome! Then I’ll pick you up at five o’clock?”

“Okay.”

As soon as I had finished talking, Candy approached. Their eyes met and for some time they did not look away, as if each of them did not dare to say hello first.

“Hi, Luke.” Candy said, cold as ever.

“Yes, hello.” Luke replied, almost as coldly, “Okay, I gotta go. See you later.”

Luke left in a hurry and Candy kept looking at him. As soon as he was out of sight, she turned to me.

“What were you talking about?”

“He asked me out on a date.” I smiled, super excited to see him later.

“What?! And you agreed to it?”

“Yes. What is it?”

Candy’s lips just turned downward.

“I don’t really mind if you guys have something going on… It’s just me and Luke…”

“Were a thing?” I asked, shocked, my heart slightly sped up.

“Yes. Not for very long, and it was stupid. So don’t pay any attention to me. Shall we?”

Candy strongly pulled at my arm. I had no choice but to obey and follow.

On the way home, an antique shop caught my attention. Once, in Baltimore, I was in a similar place to this one. I remembered the feeling of time frozen in the air…

Candy noticed my look.

“This is Mrs. Hill’s antique shop. Some consider her crazy, but to me, she’s just an ordinary woman, frozen in time. Do you want to go in?”

“Yes, let’s!”

The bell chimed, announcing our arrival. An old woman, apparently Mrs. Hill, stood on her ladder, trying to reach a book from the top shelf.

“Mrs. Hill, you’ll fall. Get down from there.” Candy said, her voice full of concern.

She turned around, almost losing her balance.

“Candy, baby! It’s been a long time since you last visited.”

“I…”

Mrs. Hill climbed down the ladder and, out of breath, wrapped Candy in a warm hug.

Mrs. Hill had frizzy white hair, her eyes were a light blue. She wore purple clothing with a bunch of jewelry.

“It’s okay, I get it. The important thing is that you came.

As a child, antiques awakened my imagination. I liked to imagine the story hidden there, within each of them. But the things here were different… they made me feel… nervous.

Every item gave me chills.

“I haven’t seen you here before.” Mrs. Hill said, turning to me.

“My parents and I just moved to Sainfour a couple of days ago.”

“Is that so? That’s so nice! We rarely have new people coming here. Baby will be glad to meet you too. Baby! Come here!”

A dog ran out of the hallway. It was a black shepherd dog.

At first she wagged her tail, glad to see her master calling her, but then she turned to me.

She growled.

“What is it with you?” Mrs. Hill asked.

She growled louder, her teeth showing. The dog’s eyes were bloodshot, and her mouth foamed with anger. She slowly approached me, exuding nothing but pure hatred.

“What is it with her?”

“Baby! Stop it!”

Candy and I backed away, trying to keep our distance from the dog. Her paws tightened, she crouched low, intending to pounce. I froze in fear.

She growled again, but more louder and grittier.

The dog jumped.

“Ahhh!” I screamed.

Candy and I recoiled in horror.

Baby’s teeth almost clenched on my leg, but at the last second Candy and I managed to hide behind a chair. The dog, in rage, tore off a piece of cloth, and fluff flew out of the chair. 

Mrs. Hill grabbed the dog by the collar. Baby fell on her back, but immediately pulled herself together ready to pounce again. 

I shoved at the chair, and it toppled forward, crashing into the animal.

Baby whined. She scrambled out from under the chair and, with her tail between her legs, ran away.

“What is it with her? She never behaves like that. Are you alright, girls?” Mrs. Hill said.

I tried my best to keep calm. But inside my stomach was all inside-out from fear.

I could still see the dog’s bloodshot eyes- reddened, insane, glazed with rage and at the same time oddly too conscious for an animal.

“That’s peculiar… the clock has stopped as well.” 

Mrs. Hill pointed to the antique clock on the shelf, standing among the other things, mostly antiquarian junk.

It was a tall, dark wooden clock.

The second hand ticked back and forth, as if something was holding it in place.

“Be careful, girls: The animal and the time are always aware of impending trouble.”

“You just have to train your dog. Where did you get it from? She wasn’t here before.” Candy said, her face full of rage.

“She appeared out of nowhere yesterday. You know how cold the nights can get here in Saintfour. Wait… Where did you get that from, Candy?”

Something in her voice alarmed me. I looked toward my friend with concern. Candy was holding a doll. It had long black hair, it was pale with a yellow dress. The arms were extremely long… It was creepy.

“It fell on me when your dog almost ate us alive.”

“Hmmm… Would you like to buy it from me.” She smiled.

“What do I need it for?”

“It’s not a coincidence that the doll landed in your arms. It chose you.”

Candy rolled her eyes and smiled.

“What do you say, Mia?”

“Do you like it yourself?”

“I don’t even know. I had one just like this when I was a kid… But now I don’t need such things, really. Maybe if it were a gift.

“You can take it for free, if you don’t mind!” Mrs. Hill smiled.

“No, thanks.” 

“Well, if you wish. Mia, maybe you’d like to take a dreamcatcher?”

“I don’t know if I need one, really…”

“There are different kinds, but I keep my strongest in my shop. These are the charms of sharmans that lived here hundreds of years ago. The shamans made them attract visions, be they pleasant dreams or nightmares. With the help of a dream catcher you can see the images of trapped spirits in your dream. Fighting in a dream will make your spirit stronger and allow you to penetrate into the depths of your own consciousness. I see a sensitive nature in you. The charm will open your third eye. It is not necessary to always carry it with you, all you need is one in your possession. Pick one, darling.”

I picked a brown one with yellow stitching in it. It complimented my outfit, and it was quite pretty.

“Good choice. You will not regret it. Stop by anytime. I’m always happy to have company.”

We left the antique store.

“What a day!” Candy sighed.

“Yeah.”

“Did you really believe what Mrs. Hill said back there?”

“Not really. But I thought, ‘Why not take if if it’ll make her happy?’”

“Yeah… And her dog… God, it seemed like it was looking right into my eyes!”

“My legs are still trembling.”

“Sorry about that. Usually seeing Mrs. Hill is much better and more pleasant.”

“It’s okay… not your fault, clearly.” I smiled at her.

“See you tomorrow, then. It was nice meeting you.”

“Yeah, absolutely. Same here.”

It seemed like a normal evening. The sun set behind the horizon, and twilight draped itself over Saintfour. The street was empty as usual after sunset, but the coming of night for some reason depressed me. Anxiety began to well up, and I started walking faster.

Ta-dam! Ta-dam!

The chiming of the bell clock rang out across the night. At first the sound was tolerable, but soon it became more and more loud. The vibrations made the roadside gravel beneath my feet tremble. 

Going that way is the last thing I would do.

I walked farther, trying not to pay attention to the fear that was increasingly welling up inside me. I realized that I had been running when I reached the school. I was completely out of breath and my legs trembled so violently that my knees were knocking against one another.

The light was on in one of the windows.

It’s strange that there’s someone at the school at this hour.

I didn’t want to go back: the chiming of the clock could still be heard in the distance, and the deserted street was more terrifying than ever. I decided to head into the school at least until the sounds stopped.

I swear the sky was red… Like blood red.

“You forgot something, Mia?!” Miss Baker asked.

“Me?”

“I see that you’re afraid! And you should be…” “What are you talking about?”

Miss Baker’s face twisted, either in fright or anger. She drew herself close to me…

She growled…

“Miss Baker?” I asked, my heart raced, her growl was guttural.

And Baby was there, growling by the door, blocking the entrance. The dog rushed at me. I felt her teeth sinking into my neck. 

And I woke up…

My heart pounded somewhere up near my throat- my body trembled feverishly. 

Apparently today’s events have given me nightmares.

I looked at the dreamcatcher hanging at my headboard… Weird.

I touched the amulet, the feathers were soft. I liked their pleasant caress on my skin.

Or did it have something to do with this thing? Is this what Mrs. Hill was talking about? Will I just always have dreams like this?

It was still light outside of my window.

I looked at the unusually clear sky, and a lot of various thoughts passed through my head. My eyelids became heavy, in another moment, I’d fallen asleep again, but the doorbell awakened me completely. 

I was extremely confused, I wasn’t expecting anyone…

I heard voices downstairs, and then hasty steps up the stairs. The door opened.

“Did you fall asleep?” Luke asked, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up. This is a bad time, probably?”

“No, it’s all right, I was just taking a nap.” I smiled, “Will you wait a bit for me to get ready?”

“Yes, of course. I’ll just be outside.”

Now, what should I wear?

I put on a dungaree-eske faded pink denim dress with a sweater underneath. It looked cute, I felt pretty.

There’s too much going on right now for me to worry about an elaborate outfit. I’ll be comfortable in a sundress.

I let my hair loose, my wavy locks falling loosely down past my shoulder blades. 

I was about to leave but my mom suddenly entered the room.

“Where are you going?” She asked, with worry in her voice.

“Luke invited me on a date. We are going on a picnic in the woods.” I said, enthusiastically.

“You’re not going anywhere.”

“Why?”

“I just got a call from school. How did you manage to get an ‘F’ on the first day?” She said, angry as ever.

“There’s just this teacher…”

“You always have teachers to blame.”

“Mom, seriously, please may I go?”

“I should be making you stay home for the day… But you can go. Consider it a housewarming present.”

“Thank you!” I said, wrapping my arms around her.

I walked outside and met Luke.

“Is everything alright?”

Luke stook by the door, holding a basket in his hands. The weather was surprisingly good- at least for Saintfour- and my mood greatly improved.

“Yes, everything’s fine.” I smiled.

“Where did you have time to dress like that? Now I’ll feel like a redneck next to you.” He smiled.

“Haha. Well, thanks.”

“So, shall we head up to the glade?”

“Yeah, let’s go.”

The sun started to set. It wasn’t warm, but the orange rays of the sunset made it feel like it was late spring. I sat down on the blanket Luke had brought.

“Are you hungry?” Luke asked.

“A bit.”

“Let’s see what we have here.” I looked around, the glade had beautiful pink flowers scattered around. The green grass looked almost yellow in this light. It was beautiful, almost looking… unreal.

“I would like something to warm up with, and something a bit nutritious to eat.”

“So hot tea and sandwiches? I’ve got you.”

“Thank you.” I smiled, taking a sandwich.

“I used to spend time here often. I would come here to think.”

“What about?”

“Am I following my path, or have my parents decided everything for me? They are chasing after unnecessary things, and should my sister and I give everything up so that they can find what they don’t really need?” “What are they chasing?”

“Antiques. Serious ones. They are real connoisseurs of those things…” It seemed to me that Luke said this with a deep- seated resentment.

As the forest floor cooled down, I unconsciously trembled. Luke noticed this and moved closer. I felt his breath on my neck and the warmth of his body. The shiver subsided. My heart felt at ease for the first time since I moved here with my parents.

“What are you thinking about?” Luke asked, breaking the silence.

“About how good I feel now.”

“I feel good with you too.”

The sun hid entirely behind the horizon. In an instant, the clouds covered the sky. Thunder rumbled, and a strong wind started to blow out of nowhere.

“We have to go- It’s about to get very wet.” Luke said.

The wind picked up rapidly. It tore the basket out of Luke’s hands with a frenzy, and started tearing the leaves off the trees. Luke and I tried to make sure that nothing important flew away.

As we headed back, it was completely dark. It began raining heavily.

“Do you know the way back? I’m a little confused about where we are…”

I had to shout louder than the raging storm that was taking over the forest and the city.

“I think so!”

I came to a cross road.

“I’m not sure from here… Left or right?”

“Left.”

I turned left, going through another glade. There were fresh puddles because of the rain. I slipped, but Luke managed to grab my hand. After another couple of minutes, we came back to where we came from.

“Oh!” I said, silently disappointed.

“Let’s go right then?”

The rain wasn’t strong, and I had already felt it more than once in Saintfour, But the darkness of the forest and the thought made me cringe with fear. I walked, clutching a deadly grip on Luke’s hand, with my eyes closed. Suddenly… I slipped and fell onto the forest floor.

I had stumbled over something.

“What is it?”

In the dark, I didn’t understand right away that it was a man.

“Step away.” Luke said.

I didn’t even manage to scream as Luke lifted and pushed me aside. He touched my body, but even from afar I could tell this man was dead: he looked like he was made from wood.

His mouth was open in a silent scream, and his wide-open eyes stared through the sky. There was something wrong with them. Suppressing fear. I came closer.

“W-what's with him?” I asked, fear trembling through my body.

His eyes were black as if charred. Instead of dry yellowed forest grass beneath him, rare flowers bloomed. I picked one of the buds. 

It was a deep purple with yellow inside, it looked… unnatural. 

Luke stared at the dead man, and then abruptly recoiled, swayed barely able to stand on his feet.

“I… I know him. This is Sam!”

[a-humble-narcissus]

So, I really don’t know where to put this but I really need to put this out there or I’ll explode

Today I got harassed online due to a single line in my profile:

“He/they”

Tw transphobia, explicitly described, including the use of the t slur

So I usually don’t disclose that much about me, but I have been working out for one year now and I thought that joining a fitness discord server would be a cool idea to share ideas with others.

For the sake of getting away from the whole shitshow that this discord was, I will NOT be mentioning its name. Sorry but I don’t want anything to do with it.

Upon joining, I did what one does and I said “hi!”. As you do.

Wanna know what the first messages directed at me were?

“Your username sounded cool but then I say your pfp [which is a tiefling????] and pronouns [he/they] and I decided it’s not worth it”

“I’ll never get pronouns. They is plural.”

So let’s unpack this.

At the time all I could do was research the rest of the chat to see if it was or not trans friendly, see that indeed it was NOT and BOOK IT. “Welcoming community” my ass, not when the people are so willing to mock people with “tranny” and also when the people with the “friend” exclusive role are willing to systematically share videos of trans people to bitch about how they are so wrong for existing and begging “fellow people with a sliver of conscience” to agree with your point of view. Oh and also when, upon being asked if the server is LGBTQ+ friendly, the answer from said LGBTQ+ members is “oh there’s some bigots here but we try to ignore them” BESTIE WHAT IS THE MOD TEAM FOR?????? GET OUT???? THERE’S BETTER SPACES MATE I PROMISE.

These things were also not being said by newbies, we are talking about level 20/ level 40 users

So yeah. “WELCOMING COMMUNITY” Y’ALL

But okay what is there to unpack?

Well, how little it takes to be singled out and mocked in online spaces for starters. I share very little of myself online. Pictures, even my voice, background, political opinions, religious thoughts, most of these are kept for people I trust and even then very select few.

All that these people had to start acting bigoted towards me was that I use he/they pronouns. In my profile, which they went out of their way to check.

That’s… that’s it. They say that I use “they” and decided that it would be cool to mock me.

And that’s so terrifying. I keep my pronouns in my profile because it’s usually useful, thankfully most of the spaces I’m in are queer owned ot queer friendly. No one minds them. It’s so small of a detail. Otherwise you would have no reason to think I am not a cis guy most of the time. But that’s enough of a small detail for them to be bigoted.

It’s terrifying to think what they do to people who are visibly queer, who use neopronouns, who use pride flags, who sound a way that might single them out as trans. It’s terrifying that these are the kind of spaces that also exist in real life people have to deal with, where the smallest flaw will make people hound at you, so you have to constantly check if you are in line with the program.

It was terrifying, no matter how small a tell is to say “your pronouns are not okay with me”, because I felt so exposed by such a small thing, such a small part of who I am, and that once they zeroed in it, they made it all who I was, the “stupid weird tranny”. No longer it mattered to them who else I was, that I also love working out, that I am aiming to do a full pull-up by the end of the year and would love some advice (my core is TERRIBLE LMAO). Things that I had yet to say because I like to say “hi” right once I land in a server.

No. “He/they” = “Freak/attack”

And suddenly, the one thing that I use to empower myself, the one thing which I refuse to have taken away from me when any form of physical masc presentation is wishful thinking due to the irl circumstances of my life, that thing is being used as a WEAPON against me.

“He/they” = “I love myself”?

“He/they” = “I hate you”?

Bigots will cling at the smallest thing about you and use it as a weapon. We should be mindful of this. You cannot change to a palatable version of yourself without giving up on who you are, and that will destroy you in the long run. And others being more visible than you will never be the problem (yes, I am staring transmed and trans people who invalidate other trans people’s experience in the eyes as I say this) because it was never a matter of trans people looking unserious.

It was always about trans people looking “out of place”, no matter how small the details are.

[thedisneychef]

Mac And Cheese With Red Wine Sauce – Jiko

Mac and cheese with red wine sauce is a delicious and sophisticated take on a classic comfort food. Served at Jiko, a signature restaurant at Disney's Animal Kingdom Lodge, this dish combines the creamy and comforting flavors of mac and cheese with a rich and complex red wine sauce. The result is a decadent and indulgent entree that is sure to impress any foodie or mac and cheese lover. While the recipe can be a bit intimidating for home cooks at first, with some trial and error, it can be recreated in any kitchen to achieve a similar level of depth and complexity. In this context, we can explore the cultural significance of mac and cheese as a beloved American comfort food, and how it has evolved over time to include more sophisticated and gourmet variations. We can also discuss the importance of combining different textures and flavors to create a well-balanced and satisfying dish. Finally, we can highlight the culinary expertise and creativity of Jiko and how it offers a unique dining experience that combines African-inspired flavors with contemporary cooking techniques. More Delicious Recipes You Will Love: - Kona Cafe’s Macadamia Pineapple Pancakes: Recipe with Sauce - Magical Star Cocktail – Disney Parks - Magic Cookie Bars – Roaring Forks and Riverside Mill I’ll be totally honest… When I first heard of this dish, truthfully, it sounded…  Gross. I mean, I love mac-and-cheese, but I am not a wine person, I’m really not a red wine person, and I’m really not a big fan of pairing alcohol with dairy (a neurosis that I know is totally unique to me, but completely justified after I got sick off of bad queso during Superbowl Sunday in 2010). But since starting this little food adventure over a year ago, this has been my consistently most requested recipe and people email me for it constantly, and now that I finally got the official recipe from Disney, I kind of had to give it a try. When it comes to signature dishes at Disney, this one tops almost everybody’s list. The perfect blend of luxury (and alcohol) with down-home comfort food.  It was impossible to mention the food at Jiko without somebody mentioning how great this mac-and-cheese was. In fact, the buzz on this dish was so huge that most newbies (myself included) didn’t even realize that this was a luxurious side to a filet Mignon dish, not the actual main course. Seriously, how good does mac-and-cheese have to be to get people to not care about the super expensive cut of meat it’s with? When it was recently retired from the regular menu, people everywhere were crushed… The chef at Jiko was sweet enough make it upon request for awhile, but even that has quietly been discontinued. As of right now, according to everybody I’ve asked, regardless of how much one cries, begs, pleads, bribes, or otherwise tries to have this dish made for them, it’s no longer offered. This may or may not be because the Chef de Cuisine has reportedly gone on to bigger and better things (like assisting in some little Food and Wine event and running the first floor restaurants at hotel called the Grand Floridian), but, regardless, the dish is officially gone. The good news is, like most signature dishes, the exact recipe was never made available outside of the restaurant.  However, now that the meal is out of rotation, Disney was more then happy to pass it on to me now. I was genuinely surprised to find that it’s really much, much easier to make then I could have even guessed. Disney surprises me again with yet another easy meal that looks like a million dollars. The only big variable that Disney couldn’t quite answer for me was the actual brand of wine that they use. I’m sure it’s because it depends on what brands they’re contracted with or have available at the time. The best advice I can give on that front is to stick with a trusted brand or, if you’re like me and you don’t drink wine, look for something that is sweeter, a light or medium-body wine, which apparently means it’s not as strong. I’d share the brand that I got but, honestly, I have no idea. The bottle was neat and the price was right and I’d be lying if I’d said I based my choice off of anything deeper then that. I was so nervous making this… As I was making the wine sauce, I tasted it a few times and it was so strong, I didn’t care for it at all. I was worried that it wasn’t going to come together, that it’d be inedible. I was even convinced that as I was plating and photographing the meal that I wasn’t going to enjoy it and this would be one of those meals that everybody loves but I didn’t “get.” The mac-and-cheese portion was, of course, crazy delicious, but I was convinced that when I added the red wine sauce, it’d be disgusting. I was literally dreading the first full bite. Turns out, I’m insane for being so worried. This was pretty much the most amazing plate of mac-and-cheese I’ve had in my entire life. The wine sauce wasn’t strong at all and there was no really heavy wine taste to it (though I didn’t reduce it enough… Two servings of it and I was feeling a little floaty). It was sweet and delicious and pretty much the most perfect plate of mac-and-cheese in the world. Visually, it’s really a striking dish and I’m bummed that the pictures don’t do it nearly the justice it deserves. White noodles on a burgundy red sauce?  Very dramatic. This was a huge, huge hit in my house. I’d, for sure, not include the wine sauce if I was serving anybody under 21, and it feels weird to say that you maybe shouldn’t drive after you eat it (especially if you didn’t reduce it enough)… But still, I can’t say enough about how awesome this meal was. Now I totally get why people went nuts over this meal. By the way… This makes a ton. Seriously. ~~~~  °o°  ~~~~ In addition to the delicious food and recipes, Disney World is also known for its unique dining experiences, such as character dining and themed restaurants. Whether you want to have breakfast with Mickey Mouse, dine in a replica of a sci-fi drive-in theater at Hollywood Studios, or enjoy a meal with an ocean view at the Coral Reef Restaurant in Epcot, there's something for everyone. And with the help of Recipes Today and the How to Make category, you can even recreate some of these magical dining experiences in your own home. So why not start planning your next Disney-inspired meal or dining experience today? Read the full article

[if-music-be-the-food-of-love]

Do you have any tips for writing? Or do you just have an unbelievable natural talent?

Oh. 

I don’t— I don’t even know how to answer this bc���😭😭😭🥺🥺🥺🥰🥰🥰 I would not consider myself talented at all 😫 I personally feel like I’m breaking all the rules when I write bc I don’t know them, the do’s and don’ts. I read an article the other day, and I def did everything on their “never do this” list. I look at other ppl’s writing and constantly think “dammit, I’ll never be that good!” So I dunno. I’m just making it up as I go along and learning a bit more each time. I still feel like a newbie even tho I’ve been writing fic for 2 years now. Since I never wrote before that, I feel like I’m playing catch up all the time. So yeah, no idea if this made sense, but I was blown away and am kinda reeling about your ask. Like, “who me?” So thank you from the bottom of my heart 💕💕💕 gonna turn into a puddle now 😭

To get to the other part, I did answer an ask awhile back that included suggestions for writing motivation and what works for me (again with the caveat that I’m more familiar with nonfiction writing). It’s super long, but I think it applies to your ask. I’ll link it here. There’s a lot of info there. I will say. I did try writing sprints after I wrote this, and honestly they got me thru last year’s Skam Big Bang. I’m easily distracted, but the sprints kept me focused. No sneaking off to tumblr 😂. And I also liked seeing how much progress I was making in real time. So yeah, sprints are great!

Other advice I didn’t mention in that post:

Write what makes you happy, what excites you, what brings you joy. It’s so easy to get bogged down with “will anyone like this? ” It doesn’t matter. Unless you’re trying to publish, which is a whole diff world outside of my experience, fic writing is for you and about you. It’s about your love for the characters or the show or the world. You’re sharing that love with ppl, and whether 30 or 300 or 3000 ppl read it, you’ve made someone’s life better. I still struggle with this, but in the end I ask myself what matters most, being proud of my story and being happy that I wrote it, or the kudos? I have a fic with 11 kudos, and that’s okay. So I guess what I’m trying to say is don’t focus on the numbers. Focus on writing what makes you happy. (Also the age old, write what you know 😂—but I have a whole shadowhunters collection, and I’ve def never swung a sword or fought a demon, so...).

So in a similar vein, there’s also the “is this any good?” question that haunts us. Honestly, just put words on the paper!! It doesn’t matter. Try something new. Experiment. See what you’ve got in you. You’ll never know if you don’t try. Try try again. You’ll grow and improve and learn about yourself, but that only works if you start somewhere. Fic writing isn’t about being a perfect, great literary author, it’s about finding joy in sharing the story that’s in your head with ppl who also love those characters. Plenty of ppl slap up unedited stories. There’s no expectation. We’re out there having fun. And anyway, writing is a process, your stories will improve from one to the next. Just keep writing. 

Don’t be afraid to take ideas from real life. So many of my fics are grounded in reality. Anything can be inspiration for a story. I had an ER nurse who looked like Merlin, and a sobbe fic was born (odd correlation, i know). I got bogged down thinking about how kinnporsche got their shirts off while handcuffed together, and another sobbe fic was born. You can also use fic/plot generators or ask for prompts if you need ideas. 

I don’t do this bc I don’t like being bombarded by information, but a lot of ppl follow writing and author’s blogs. They give out great advice, and Neil Gaiman in particular is very active and often adds to posts. 

Internet searches are your best friend. I have at least 30 tabs open when I’m writing fic. A thesaurus tab and all kinds of research tabs. You can google anything. Need to know what exact set list Queen with Adam Lambert played in Brussels in 2019, you can find that. (I did, haha). Sometimes it helps to ground your story in reality so that it feels more real to you. Will anyone notice? Probably not, but we can get a lot of enjoyment out of our research dives, and you’ll know, which is all that matters.

Read, read, read. As I said before, I never wrote stories, nor did I study creative writing. But i read a hell of a lot. I think that helps. I understand plot and character. I know grammar. I know the mechanics of story writing. I think there’s something to be said that the more you expose yourself to the literary world, the more you will be able to function within it. You’ll pick up on how things are done--plot organization, character development, etc. Also sometimes it can be just as helpful to learn what not to do.

I don’t know if this is even remotely helpful. I hope it is. I am a very insecure writer, and I still don’t think of myself as one. I’m still surprised I’ve written half a million words of fic. I hope this came across as more hopeful and helpful than negative nancy, but i do understand the woes and struggles of writing too. Please let me know if there’s something more specific. This was very general.

I apologize for the length of this and for the length of the linked ask. You know me, I always write too much. I wish you all the best in your writing journey, and I hope to read your work some day!!!  Thank you for this ask and for blowing my mind and making my day and making me cry. 💕💕💕

[wallsshouldtalk]

STRANGER THINGS 4 VOL. 2 SPOILERS

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OKAY so i’ll start off by saying i cry at literally nothing ever and i dehydrated myself from crying harder than i’ve cried in 10 years at eddie’s death scene. i’m a tough cookie but not when it comes to silly, goofy, lovable, rock-star nerd eddie munson. am i going through genuine grief? yes! so is my denial misplaced? most likely!! but i have a theory anyway

SO!!!! we know the duffers are not above a fake death/ misleading death (see hopper), so maybe they’re trying that again with eddie. as far as we know, dustin didn’t bring back his body- meaning we don’t have proof that eddie fully died/ remained dead. now yes, he was pretty torn up and overall doing not his best, but was it so much damage that survival would be completely impossible? i feel like maybe not. pain and shock can do some pretty weird shit to the body and passing out is not a crazy reaction to have after being mauled by monster demon bats.

aside from the “medical” reasoning, eddie’s role (although new) is not really as a side character, and to get rid of someone with as much potential as our metal DM would have to have some stronger reasoning than a “redemption” arc with a pointless sacrifice. barb, bob, and alexei were insanely lovable characters and played their parts wonderfully, but mostly their roles were about how they affected other people. barb was there to lead nancy into this upside down business, bob was there to give advice and comfort to will and be that sacrifice of “bob newby the superhero”, and alexei needed to be there to help our adult crew. eddie’s story line was more independent and had a leg to stand on even if the rest of our hawkins crew wasn’t there. he wasn’t tagging along, he became a part of the main crew (minus jonathan, will, el, and mike). eddie dying serves no purpose, except to make dustin sad, and doesn’t really fit in with the previous thing of introducing a character only to kill them at the end. so, maybe, eddie wakes up in season 5, gravely injured and alone, and is trying to find a way out and back to the gang. maybe that serves the purpose of giving us eyes on the inside or maybe it’ll give eddie the chance he deserved to clear his name (SINCE NO ONE ELSE SEEMS TO BE WILLING TO STEP UP AND SAY ANYTHING FOR THE PERSON WHO LITERALLY THREW HIMSELF INTO A HOARD OF DEMOBATS YO SAVE A BUNCH OF PEOPLE THAT HATE HIM) or maybe it’s so he can walk the stage and get the diploma he rightfully deserves. at this point i don’t care what the reason is i’ll be honest. also the writing has been quite strategic in the past, so i feel like maybe they wouldn’t have eddie’s last lines be “this is my year” when it clearly is not. i guess we’ll see.

joseph quinn did also make that comment about wanting to do scenes with charlie in s5. now, granted, that may have been just to fuck with all of us, but i’ll take hope where i can get it.

my theory has no real evidence or proof of any kind to support it, but denial is the first stage of grief and this is how i’m choosing to view it until someone explicitly tells me no. even then, i’ll probably ignore them and keep living in blissful ignorance until 2024 when s5 comes out and throws my heart into a wood-chipper. the duffers aren’t perfect writers by any stretch, but i am choosing to have a little faith that their choices are more calculated than this. thanks for listening to my delusions

edit: joseph quinn just did an interview where he talked about how he would’ve liked to come back for another season, but that he was satisfied with the end of eddie’s character arc. sounds like this death was a real one folks (unless this is all some super extra silly prank)!!! i’m gonna leave this theory up here though in case some crazy, wacky miracle occurs and we are all allowed to have hope again.

link to article:

edit/ update pt.2: NEW interview (yes somehow already) reveals that joe really may not know how the future of eddie will play out. he says that he’s been talking with joe keery about ways eddie could make an appearance! so hope is not lost! hopefully the duffer brothers realize that they just made the literal largest mistake ever getting rid of quinn as an actor and eddie as a character and they’ll just do an uno reverse moment <3 essentially: FUCK THIS SHOW FOR PLAYING HOT POTATO WITH MY FEELINGS

link to pt2 article:

[extravaguk]

sex education 2.0

pairing: college!au, jungkook x reader

summary: "Are you calling me boring?" Jungkook gasps dramatically, looking at you dumbfounded and visibly offended. You roll your eyes, taking a napkin and leaning forward to wipe the crumbs of garlic bread on his lips.

"First of all, don't talk with your mouth full, you pig. Second of all," you stop to take a sip of your coke, aware of Jungkook's expectant eyes on you. "A little, yeah." 

wordcount: 9k

genre: smut - angst(? not rlly - fluff, like tons bc im a slut for fluff

rated: m (duh!2.0)

warnings: alcohol and weed consumption, just jk and tae being bros having bro convos, switch!reader, switch!jk, but mostly dom!jk, dirty talk, glimpses of poorly written bdsm, reader being a jealous and ‘insecure little bitch’ (her words, not mine),slapping (dont worry i tried to make it funny), how i met your mother spoilers (sorry im a gemini i spoil shit), spanking, degradation kink, back at it again with the spit kink, slight anal play, beware!of jungkook being a sweetheart, a lil mean at the end but a sweetheart nontheless.

read sex education here!

Three months of being in an actual commitment with Jeon Jungkook, your brother's partner in crime since the young age of five and, therefore, a common denominator throughout your childhood and teenage years, has proven to you a few things you never knew you would discover about the boy himself: Jeon Jungkook is definitely not what you thought him to be. 

You thought growing up with him would've been enough telltale about everything that made Jungkook be, well, Jungkook. He wasn't as immature as you had believed prior to the beginning of your relationship, he was funnier than you remembered -although maybe you found him funnier now that Taehyung wasn't in the picture to interfere with infantile inside jokes that you never were able to grasp-, and smarter than he had ever let you known before. Although you're sure the main reason his grades had started to improve was solely you and the way you rewarded him by opening your legs everytime he passed an exam. 

But above all, if there was something that had truly surprised you about Jeon Jungkook was the fact that he was truly an absolutely and undeniably softie.  

You loved it. Loved the random scribbled love notes he sometimes left in your backpack before kissing you goodbye to leave for his own class, loved the Spotify playlists he made exclusively just for you -with genres that varied between sappy and romantic and wanting to tear your 'wet ass pussy' in two-, loved the late night texts filled with emojis telling you how much he missed you when both of you were too busy doing assignments and studying to see each other -even if it hadn't even been 48 hours since you last saw each other-. You loved how careful and sweet and thoughtful he was. You really did. 

But.

"Are you calling me boring?" Jungkook gasps dramatically, looking at you dumbfounded and visibly offended. You roll your eyes, taking a napkin and leaning forward to wipe the crumbs of garlic bread on his lips.

"First of all, don't talk with your mouth full, you pig. Second of all," you stop to take a sip of your coke, aware of Jungkook's expectant eyes on you. "A little, yeah." His mouth falls open and you supress a laugh. You really shouldn't be enjoying this so much, but there's something about Jungkook's reaction to his ego being bruised and that terribly adorable pout on his face that just makes your insides tingle with joy. 

"What do you mean? I've had plenty of girls in bed before you, like a whole lot, and none of them have ever called me boring! They loved this adventurous and fun dick, alright? Why do you think-" you raise a brow, scrutinizingly. It still amazes you how with just a simple expression and no words needed, you can make all color from Jungkook's face banish and how quick he is to reach for your hand across his bed. "But I only love youuuu, and you're the best thing that has ever happened to me and my dick like, baby, have I mentioned how head over heels I'm for you?"

"Only like five times today." rolling your eyes again, you pull your hand from his to toy with the peperoni piece on your slice of pizza. Jungkook swallows the lump in his throat, he was starting to get truly concerned now. You couldn't possibly...?

"Are you not satisfied? I mean, do I not make you feel good or...?" there's clear worry in his voice and that makes you meet his eyes, shaking your head hurriedly. Now it's you who take his hand in yours.  

"No! No, babe. I love sex with you! I love everything you do to me, I love how you treat me, I love how you make me feel. I'm a hundred percent satisfied, I swear, It's just..." you sigh, dropping your gaze to rub slow and reassuring circles to the ink adorning his skin. "All I'm saying is... I may also want to experience what all those girls have experienced with you, y'know... the not so vanilla stuff. But you always seem to be scared to try new things with me, and I don't know if it's because of m-"

"Baby," Jungkooks soft voice calls out to you, removing the pizza box in between the two of you to slide closer to you on the mattress. He craddles your face with his fingers, tilting your chin up to make eye contact with you. "_____, don't say that. I just don't ever want to cross any boundaries. I don't want to hurt you or do anything you might not like or regret later, you know that, right?" placing a small kiss on your lips, you hum in content nodding your head yes.

"I know that." you pull him for another brief kiss, oddly not caring about the faint taste of garlic and spice on them because that's what love will do to you. "But what if I do want you to hurt me? What if I want you to fuck my mouth with no mercy until I cry and slap my face after you've cum all over it while you call me a slut?" you pause, eyes meeting his through your eyelashes. "Or viceversa."

It's not that Jungkook is afraid. Because Jungkook is afraid of nothing in this world. He will murder any spider in his way, he will throw a punch to anyone who denies mint chocolate ice cream as the superior ice cream flavour -and he knows that means he will have to literally fight like the entire population on planet earth-, and he will Rey Mysterio you if you ever discredit or deny his incredible skills playing Overwatch.

Jeon Jungkook prides himself in being fearless in every aspect of his life. Except when it comes to you. 

So yeah, maybe he was a little afraid. Because hearing you use the words 'choke', 'slap' and 'slut' in the same sentence did things to him that he didn't deem possible considering none of you were newbies anymore to intimicy. You have been together for three months, for God's sake, but you still made his cock twitch like the first day and he's sure in twenty years you'll have the exact same effect on him.

He didn't want his most primal instincts to overpower the respect and love he'd harboured for you since you were kids because at the end of the day, one, you were still his best friend's little sister, two, he appreciated you too much to ever cross any lines, and three, as cliché as it sounded, you were nothing compared to the girls he had been with previously. What he feels towards you cannot be compared to anything he had experienced before. 

And fuck, was he in a predicament. Because you made him weak in his knees for you and you were not even aware of it. You were not aware of how badly he has wanted to explore and take things way further, way out of both his and your comfort zones. But he's terrified. He's terrified because all he wants is to to take care of you and what if he fails at the one thing he's swore to himself? What if he lets the darkest side of him consume him and at the same time consume you? What if he does actually hurt you, not just psichologically but also physically?

He would never be able to forgive himself. And neither could Taehyung.

And that, was also tormenting him.

Taehyung seemed fine with the two of you dating -or at least that blow to Jungkook's face seemed to ease things between them-, but Jungkook is not dumb and has felt his best friend slowly distancing himself. 

Sure, they were still best friends and will ever will. Taehyung is loyal to Jungkook and Jungkook is loyal to Taehyung. Has been that way since they were five and that will not change just because Jungkook's caught feelings for his little sister.

But the phonecalls were not as often and not as long as they used to be; in rare occasions Jungkook could sense a certain type of awkwardness between them that really had never happened in their friendship, and sometimes Taehyung's jokes seemed to hold more truth than lightheartedness. 

And to top it all off, Jungkook's dilemma regarding you was eating him alive and, usually he would turn to Taehyung for girl advice, only to later realize he was also frightened of doing that. 

But a Friday night at 2 a.m, Jungkook decides he can't take it anymore. 

"Sup, man." Taehyung's voice answers Jungkook's phone call on the second ring, like he always does. 

"Hey, bro." Jungkook clears his voice, suddenly feeling self conscious. "Are you busy?"

"I don't know," his friend seems to be chewing on what Jungkook bets is red Skittles -yes, only the red ones- because he just knows him too well. "Are you busy still fucking my little sister?" 

Taehyung chuckles at his own joke, but Jungkook doesn't. He knows there's no malice, but he can't help to think there might be. He settles for a sigh. "Yeah." he can hear some shuffling on the other side and the clicking of a computer mouse. Jungkook would also bet he was playing Among Us and he would lie if he said he wasn’t disappointed he hadn't called him to play with him. "Y'know what, it's not even important, I'll just call y-"

"Come on, man. You haven't even laughed at that and you usually laugh at everything I say even when no one else does." Taehyung swirls in his chair, his attention fully focused on his best friend. "Seriously, what's bothering you." Jungkook takes a deep breath, rubbing the side of his face. 

"It's about _____."

"_____? As in, my little sister? Who you're fucking?"  

"Tae, dude-"

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. Go on." Taehyung stiffles a laugh and waits patiently for Jungkook to continue.

"She um... Fuck, I hope this isn't weird, dude. I really do. She wants to like... rough it up in the bedroom, I guess? And I just... I don’t know... I'm terrified dude." There's silence filling the gap between Taehyung and Jungkook and Jungkook almost feels like throwing up. 

"You're coming to me for sex advice... about my little sister?"

"I know, dude but... Who else I'm supossed to talk to? Jimin? Hoseok?" Jungkook sits up on his bed, an ugly knot beginning to form in his stomach. "I mean, you're my best friend," Jungkook swallows again, voice cracking. "...right?"

It's Taehyung's turn to sigh after a few seconds before he replies. "Forever and always, bro." His tone settles Jungkook's uneasiness. There's nothing but honesty in it. "Listen, Guk. I really don't know what kind of advice to give you because, literally, ew. But I do know my sister, and if that's what she wants and she's communicated with you about it, it’s because she trusts you. And I trust you more than anyone in my life. So there you go, man."

Relief washes all over Jungkook's body and he lays back on the bed again, heart not beating as hard as it was a few seconds ago. 

"Thanks, dude." Jungkook smiles. "Sorry for calling you so late."

"No problem, bro." Taehyung smiles as well, swirling his chair back to his computer screen. A weight of his own being lifted. "Among Us next time?"

"Yeah, I'll let you know. Good night, bro."  

Taehyung calls Jungkook's name before he can hang up. "Hey, man?"

"Yeah, man?"

There's a pause between them and then Taehyung speaks. "I love you, man."

Jungkook supresses the threat of tears about to spill because he knows Taehyung would try to bruise his other other eyebrow if he ever found out. Or hug him to death. Or both.

"I love you too, bro."

"This reminds me of the first time you gave me a blowjob." Jungkook chuckles, watching you get down on your knees between his spread thighs, make up free and sporting a similar low messy bun as that time he's mentioning, except this time you're wearing one of his hoodies engulfing your smaller frame. Proof that this time around, you're exclusively his and no one else’s.

"You mean the blowjob of your life." you giggle as you reach out to pull down his sweatpants, deligthed to see he decided on not wearing any underwear. Your spit on the back of your hand and immediately wrap it around the base of his rock hard cock while his own darts out to push the strands falling down your face behind your ear, heart eyes emoji looking down at you looking up at him. 

Your tongue swirls around the tip timidly, swallowing the drop of precum oozing as he sighs heavily and lovingly. "Every blowjob you give me is the blowjob of my life." he unties your hair from the band holding it together because he prefers his fingers to be the hair tie, prefers to be the one to guide the bobbing of your head up and down his dick. 

You hum in appreciation against him, cherry balmed lips wrapping fully around the head of his cock and he hums back. "Love seeing you on your knees for me with your pretty mouth stuffed, fuck." You take him deeper, closing your eyes. 

Your hand moving accordingly to your mouth and your panties already wet, clinging to your folds. It's really not your fault Jungkook is the most delicious eye candy on earth and how fast can the mere sight of him make your pussy lips quiver. You slurp around the head obscenely , a moan of yours mixing with a moan of his. "Hands on your back." 

You obligue, removing your hands and growing excited at the dominating low tone his voice exerts. The grip he has on your hair tightens and controls your motions, pushing you further down his dripping shaft until your nose hits his pubic bone. He holds you there, his own eyes closing shut and his dick twitching insde your mouth. A thrust of his hips make you gag and has one of your hands flying to tap his leg two times, letting him know you were in need for air. 

He releases you, pulling you back until his cock is pulsating in front of you. He looks down at you, both breathless but the difference is you look so messy. Eyes watery, chest moving heavily and saliva leaking from your lips. 

Yeah, there was a reason Jungkook hasn't been like this with you before. The sight of you submitting completely and looking so nasty was too much for him to handle. He might never want to see you any other way than this. 

"Isn't this what you wanted, huh?" the free hand that had been supporting his weight on the matress grasps your face harshly, making you lock eyes with him.

 "I thought you wanted me to choke you with my cock like a little whore?" you nod your head eagerly, unable to form words. Your pussy throbs, prompting you to rub your thighs to get some sort of relief as his thumb smears the spit adorning your lips. You're quick to envelop it in the warmth of your mouth, an involuntary moan leaving your throat. "Such a pretty slut," he lets his cock slap against your cheek, removing his thumb to move his hand back to his previous position. "Open again."

You do, his length entering your mouth again -that you gladly accept- and then he's shoving you down by your hair. "Shit, gonna fuck your mouth so good..." 

And he does, not holding back anymore, his hand thrusting your head along his shaft until your throat tightens around him repeteadly, struggling for breath. But you take it, you take the aggresiveness and the degradation because fuck, you've been waiting for so long to know what this feels like. To have Jungkook be mean and have this type of control and power over you and you're enjoying it a bit too much. 

"F-fuck, I'm gonna cum, leave your mouth open." he releases on your tongue, not able to look away from the image of you with tears falling down your eyes and mouth drenched with him and your spit, some of his cum staining down your chin and the corners of your lips that he gathers with his thumb and pushes back into your mouth. He groans, watching you swallow all of it like a good girl, your tongue grazing around his digit for the remainings, gaze not leaving his. "Let me grab my phone real quick, I need to take a picture of this."

You were definitely not the jealous type.  

You prided yourself on being able to recognize when your behaviours were due to your own insecurities and removing all sorts of feelings of uncertainty from your mind. You never liked toxic patterns or the glamorization of them and your relationship with Jungkook was proof. You knew relationships were supossed to be based on blind trust and faith in your partner and yours definitely reciprocated in the same way. 

"So can anybody tell me why Eunha is basically all over my boyfriend right now?" you wish you could blame your state on Hoseok's weed, who's sitting on the left side of the couch right next to you at the frat party. You really wish you could have an explanation for the way your heart tugged in such a weird way and your stomach swirled dangerously until almost making you nauseous. You really tried to blame your overthinking on the joint you had just passed to your friend. 

You knew it was bound to happen someday, especially considering Jungkook had always been a ladies' man and the kind of attraction from both men and women he was able to manifest, willing or unwillingly. You just never thought it would happen so soon and in such way that made you clench your fists so tight and your nails dig into the palm of your hands so painfully. 

"I mean, they did have like a long fling a few years ago, didn't they?" Seulgi, sitting on your right, chimes in. 

That was true. Longer than most flings Jungkook ever had before you.  

"Yeah, before she dumped him." Hoseok adds.

Your eye twitches and your jaw contracts. Because that, was also true, and it was mostly what was bothering you so much. 

Had it been Jungkook the one to move away from his situationship with Eunha like with most girls, you wouldn't have such a problem with the way she's shamelessly leaning towards him from across the room. Or the way she's twirling a strand of her hair between one of her fingers while battling her lashes. Or the way she's hysterically laughing at whatever he was saying, because your boyfriend was funny, but he was not that funny. 

You were not the jealous type, and Jungkook definitely wasn't giving you any reason to be, because as coquettish as the blonde was being or as provocatively as she was pushing her tits into his arm, he politely keeps his distance and tries to also engage with Jimin in conversation, leaving her pouting. But that wasn't enough to not make you start seriously questioning your feminist ethics right now. 

"Wait, you're not jealous, are you?" Seulgi turns to you, offering you the joint -how long had you been focusing your attention on Jungkook and Eunha to not realize it was your turn again to smoke?-. You take it, hesitating between answering right away or taking a hit before doing that. You were never a good liar. You look between your two friends who are looking back at you with their eyebrows raised.

"I-" you close your mouth and run your fingers through your hair. "Maybe? I don't know what I'm feeling and I don't like it one bit." 

"Aw, babe." Seulgi squeezes your knee, eyes showing you sympathy. "Jealousy is a natural response to any relationship."

"I know..." you take the joint in your hand, taking a long drag before letting the smoke out. "I just don't want to sound like an insecure little bitch!" you whine. "I don't want to be like 'Oh, why would Jeon Jungkook, a God of the Olympus, dare give his attention to a peasant as unworthy as me!?' Like no, he's just a man. A little less mediocre than most but a man nontheless. I'm not going to doubt myself or other women just because he's more beautiful than most, and hotter, and funnier and has a massive co-" you notice you're getting carried away by the look of disgust in Hoseok's face and Seulgi trying to hold back a laugh. 

"Anyways, he's lucky to have me. We're both lucky to have each other but sometimes I feel like I might be the luckiest out of the two. And seeing Eunha looking so pretty and throwing herself at him is triggering me because..." you pause to take a deep breath and lounch back on the couch. "What if he realizes one day that I'm luckier than he is and he could be luckier with someone else?"

There's, ironically, a long silence. Ironically because the sound of Travis Scott making the walls tremble is anything but, until Hoseok speaks.

"I think you feel that way because you still haven't seen how that boy looks at you, _____." and then he motions to the spot from across the room you had been observing for too long, the spot where Jungkook is now glancing at you after noticing your detectable distress, with a frown on his features. 

'You okay?' he mouthes, his fist raising in the air in a thumbs up, questioningly.  

Your heart jerks, and not out of bitterness or envy caused by a girl trying to get your boyfriend's attention. Because his attention is always entirely on you, no matter how many feet are separating the two of you. 

'Yes' you mouth back, with a nod of your head and an encouraging smile that has formed itself on your face. He beams as well at you. Mouthes an 'I love you' and puckers his lips in a flying kiss that makes you giggle. You mimic him, your heart tight against your chest. 

Hoseok is right. You have nothing to worry about.

Jungkook is in love with you. Sometimes, he thinks, he's too in love with you.

"Can't believe I'm letting you do this."

"Can't believe you're such a pussy."

Jungkook huffs in annoyance. He would smack your ass right now if his hands weren't restricted by a scarf of yours he had never seen before to your bedpost. He would also send you a mean look if his eyes weren't covered by the only tie he owned and had so generously lent to you. 

When you mentioned you wanted to try this, he expected you to be in this position. Not the other way around.

He's sprawled on your bed, only his boxers covering him as your legs straddle his waist and you tighten the hold of the scarf around his wrists sternly. He winces and manages an 'Hey!' He knows you're only wearing your panties because he can't feel anything else and he's felt one of your naked tits brushing  his face as you tied him up. He also tried to catch one of your nipples in his mouth as a form of punishment, to no use because you swiftly backed away from his attempt. 

"I've never been a bottom before, this is new for me." he says. He really doesn't mind any of this. He's just not used to it. He knows he'd be lying if he said it didn't turn him on a little bit, even if he'd rather be the one to have you completely unmoving and naked beneath him. Especially now that you're skimming your nails up and down his torso.

"Mm, good to know." your lips follow the path your fingers created, from the center of his chest up, moving steadily and tracing soft kisses over his flesh. 

"Don't worry. I'll be gentle." you croon, dragging your tongue from the pulse of his neck to his earlobe, nails scraping lightly over his left nipple. Jungkook shudders, air sucked in through his teeth as his mouth opens on its own. Taking advantage of this, you place a kiss on the corner of his lips before slipping your tongue inside. 

He answers simultaniously, his own tangling with yours, swallowing each other's moans. Your hips set a slow peace, clothed cad core griding over the length poking between your thighs. His hips move unvoluntarily, trying to find some sort of friction to make up for the fact that his hands are unavailable to knead your ass and pull you closer, if that was even possible.

You separate from him, raising on your knees. Jungkook whines in protest, hips buckling up from the mattress to try to meet yours again.

"Jungkook, I'm serious, stay still!" 

"I take it back." his voice shaky and hands straining against the tight hold the scarf you tied around has on them. "I don't like this. Untie me so I can fuck you, babe." he complains. You sit on his tiny waist, your thighs trying to stop his movements. 

You take a moment to assess him. He looks too beautiful for his own good: hair courtaning his forehead, biceps bulging and abs flexing. You can't see his eyes but you know they might be glassy. You bite your lip to supress a whine of delight. You almost consider doing as he says. Almost. 

But you mantain your ground. Your jealousy from the other night had been crawling slowly from within these past few days and since you couldn't take it out on Jungkook any other way because he really wasn't to blame, you figured you'd try something new to punish him and let some of your supressed anger vanish. 

Twisting your body back to pull down his boxers, not all the way, just enough to have his cock springing free from the confines of the fabric and slapping against your asscheeks.

"Has toxic masculinity seriously polluted your brain so much you can't take this seriously?" you fall forward, one of your hands balancing you beside his head as the other wraps around his neck, a tentative hold not yet to constrict his breathing. 

He gulps, his body's tense and his Adam's apple is prominent under your touch. All he can see is black but he'd do anything to watch your pretty tits bouncing in front of his face. "I don't like this conversation either." he pouts.

"Then why are you so hard?" you grin, holding yourself back from laughing as he hesitates for an answer. You lean closer, mouth against his ear as you whisper. "I'm so wet right now, I could take you just like this. No lubrication at all and my pussy would just swallow your dick." Feeling his girth still between your ass flutter, clearly affected by the sultry tone of your voice. You remove your hand from his neck seeing as he has stopped moving obediently. Reaching back, you slide your panties to the side and align your entrance to the head of his leaking cock. 

"Fuck, baby, please~" Jungkook's pleads fills the air, hips desperately back in motion and sliding just a few inches inside your drenched heat. The warmth envoles him instantly, your pussy pulsates around him and neither of you can't help the in synch groans tearing from your throats. 

"Just the tip" you lick your lips, your voice betraying you as you resist the urge to glide the rest of his lenght inside your quivering core.

"Just the tip, my ass." 

Out of sudden, Jungkook is swiftly lifting his hips from the matress, sinking all the way in. You cry as your body jumps forward, face hidden in the juncture of Jungkook's sweaty neck. His thick cock stretches you out as nice and deep and perfectly as he always does. You mewl. This was not supossed to happen at all.  

"See? This is what you really wanted." you can hear the chuckle threatening to spill from his lips, anger starting to boil inside of you again. 

Regaining a little bit of your lost control, you lift yourself on your trembling knees and sit back again, the tip of his dick hitting your cervix. You groan in unision, placing your hands on the hard planes of his chest and steadying yourself to try to reclaim your dominance. Finding it troublesome, because Jungook is set on having it his own way, his thrusts meeting yours in perfect synch.

You really shouldn't feel your climax approaching so soon but somehow battling for control while bickering with Jungkook is about to send you over the edge and that's making you even more annoyed.

"I swear to God, Jungkook. If you don't stop moving and shut the fuck up..." your murmur through gritted teeth, jaw slackened and eyes fluttering shut.  

"What?" he spats, breathing rugged and voice coarse. "If I don't shut up, you'll wha-"

The sound of a sharp smack echoes inside your room and Jungkook's movements freeze on the spot. His head is turned to the side from the impact, and a faint print of your fingers is adorning his  already stinging cheek. None of you mutter anything for a few seconds, until concerned words start to rush out of you.

"Ohmygod, Jungkook, I-"

"Did you just slap me?" Jungkook is unmoving, his mouth agape and you can picture the incredulous expression his eyes might be oozing. "Baby, what the fuck?!" You're mortified. Your hands cover your mouth and your eyes, wide open, stare down at him although he can't stare at you back.

"Babe, I don't know why I did that, you wouldn't stop talking and I know that's not an excuse but it-" 

"It was fucking hot." a breathy laugh in disbelief leaves his chest. Your forehead creases, hands falling down to your chest to try to steady your incessant heartbeat. His tongue darts between his pearly teeth, a smug smirk on his features. An eyebrow of yours raises as you size him up, the realization that his body is completely motionless now hitting you.

Lurging forward, you pinch his jaw between your fingers, your hips carry on their grinding on their own accord. He releases a raspy moan, your walls clenching around him as another hit strikes his cheek, softer this time. 

"You gonna be good to me?" you mutter against his lips. He nods slowly, his mouth salivating as your hips swirl on top of him. He blindly tries to reattach his mouth to yours, but you dodge him, going for the skin of his clavicle instead. "Can I fuck you slow like this until you're filling me with your cum?" He squirms when he feels you sucking a pretty purple bruise on his flesh, your cunt dropping all the way down his cock, leisurly grinding against his pelvic bone, looking yourself to find some relief to your clit. 

"Ah!" his head tilts back, back slighlt arching as you soothe the mark on his neck with your tongue. "That m-might be s-sooner than you think, babe" he admits timorously, swallowing the lump in his throat, the veins on his neck on full display. 

You sigh in content because, thankfully your orgasm is also closer than he thinks it is. "M-me too-" you gasp, your face buried on his shoulder, letting your fingers brush his ebony hair, nails gently scrapping his scalp as you keep the tortuous movements of your hips against his, his girth hitting that spot just right everytime until you feel the knot in your tummy finally snapping. "C-cum, J-Jungkook, I-m-"

Jungkook doesn't need to be told twice because he has been holding back from it for a while now, not really willing to admit he was enjoying this as much as he was. With a thrust of his own fused with the way your pussy is tightening around him it's enough to send him over the edge, an unpredicted cry emanating from his vocal chords harmonizing with your own, his whole body tensing as your walls milk every single drop of his cum. 

For several minutes you stay just like that. Jungkook's hands still tied, blindfold still on, his mouth still agape as his chest rises and falls until his breathing becomes steady again. And you, on top, your fingers tangled in his dark locks, your breath fanning against his neck and his release dripping down your thighs. You stay like that until your body starts shaking with uncontrollable laughter. 

Jungkook tilts his head towards yours, eyebrows furrowing and eyes still covered.

"What was that noise?" you manage through your giggle fit. "'Aaah!'" You've never made a noise like that before, I can't- it was so funn-"

Even while still being strained and blindfolded and with you making fun of him, a loopsided goofy smirk starts making an appearence on Jungkook's features. 

Fancy dinner parties were never your thing. 

Wearing heels that were too high -specifically to try to match Jungkook's height-, a new expensive dress that you were surely going to return as soon as the event was over because you definitely could not afford it and socializing with Jungkook's clique was definitely not the way you envisioned your Saturday night going. 

At least Jungkook had barely been able to keep his hands for himself at the sight of you wrapped in emerald green silk and lace. But even that couldn't make you feel less uncomfortable and out of place. 

Yugyeom, one of Jungkook's friends, had definitely more money than your boyfriend had previously let you know. Apparently, being a 'lil rich' as Jungkook had mentioned meant booking a luxurious restaurant to hold a dinner party with at least fifty people who looked just as 'lil rich' as Yugyeom's Gucci tuxedo.  

'It'll be alright babe. Yugyeom always insists on celebrating his birthday like it's an Oscar after party. We'll just eat some of that disgusting caviar and then head home to watch Netflix, I swear'. 

And yes, caviar was gross, but so was the fact that Jungkook had failed to mention a certain someone would also be making an appearence. 

After introducing you to a few of his friends and realizing that Mingyu's frendliness and amiability helped you feel more relaxed, he had excused himself to the bathroom, leaving you and his friend to entangle in a heated conversation about How I Met Your Mother's finale season. 

You were thankful for Mingyu's humble nature and easygoing talk for a few minutes until you finally spotted your boyfriend making his way back into the room, stopping in his tracks to acknowledge a group of friends from his class. 

Again, you wouldn't have such a problem with a certain blonde if she would just stop looking at Jungkook with stars in her eyes and pressing her cleavage against him while playing with her hair. It was hard to keep track of your conversation with Mingyu while Eunha was standing right next to your boyfriend and seemingly ogling up at him. It was also hard to not let your mind waver to dangerous territory when you took notice of how disgustingly good they looked together. 

Just two attractive people who would look disgustingly good together. 

Mingyu's voice makes you turn back to him. 

"...I don't know, like, Barney was a womanizer until Robin, you know? He changed for her! They were just perfect for each other, but they had to throw it all away by killing the mother and then making Robin marry Ted? And Barney going back to his old ways?" Mingyu sounds exhasperated and you would laugh and find it cute if your stomach wasn't tugging again in a way that made you regret drinking so much wine so fast. Specially after his last statement.  

"That's what I'm saying." you mumble, turning your attention back to your boyfriend in the crowd.

Jungkook wouldn't go back to his old ways. He loves you. There's nothing to worry about.

But as you watch him start to make his way towards you, you also watch the way Eunha grabs the sleeve of his blazer to pull him back. She leans in, whispers something in his ear to which he just shakes his head, says something that it's impossible to decipher from here you're standing and simply walks in your direction. 

Still, as much as you tried to be neutral and objective and not a 'jealous little bitch', it's almost impossible to hide the sour expression on your face. It's impossible to unclench your jaw throughout the entire evening or lose the too tight grip on your glass of wine. Even when Jungkook whispers in your ear if you're okay, you merely nod yes. You avoid eye contact with him and everytime he tries to slip your hand into his, you dodge him it by wrapping your arms around yourself, claiming how cold it is.

Jungkook is not dumb. 

He know something's up but he's also not stupid enough to cause a scene in public or preassure you into talking. So he settles on wating and being patient. Even as he slips his jacket on your stiff shoulders with pouty lips and his eyebrows drawn together, all he does is press a small kiss to the back of your neck. It takes all power within you to not throw yourself in his arms. 

But as midnight approaches and it's time to leave, you notice a change in Jungkook's behaviour as you say your goodbyes. His hand on your back is not just a soft caress, instead, his fingers pull you closer, dig into your skin as he drags the both of you to where his car is parked. Now it's him who avoids your gaze. His tensed jaw and his tongue pressing against the inside of his cheek is a visible indicator that Jungkook is pissed. 

You know his body language as well as he knows yours. And now, as he opens the door of the passanger seat so you can slide in, the guilt and the remorse of acting cold towards him for hours is finally dawning on you. 

"Are you going to tell me now what was that about?" when he closes his own door shut, he doesn't bother to put his seatbelt on. Just grips the steering wheel as he turns to you. 

"I-I don't know what you're t-"

"You don't know what I'm talking about?" he laughs, not a bit of humour in it. "I know scenes like this make you feel uncomfortable but I actually thought everything was going fine. I leave you for five minutes with Mingyu and when I come back, you won't look at me, won't touch me, won't act like I'm your boyfriend. Like I did something wrong. So please, _____, tell me, what's going on?"

You know there's no excuse for the way you acted. You know it's not Jungkook's fault he attracts attention and it most definitely not his fault if an ex of his is still hung up on him. You know it's your own fault and you know you should not try to excuse yourself and fight back. You'd swore to yourself you'd push down any feelings of jealousy deep inside until they disappeared. But something about tonight makes you explode.

"Why was she being all over you?"

Jungkook's face twists in confusion. "What? Who?"

"Eunha! Who the fuck else? She was all over you a few weeks ago at Minghao's party, and she was all over you tonight!" your voice is louder than you would've liked but at this point all you care about is letting it all out.

"This is what all of that was about? Eunha?"

"Yes! I've seen her on campus as well! Always trying to get your attention! I don't care that you have friends in common, but specially tonight, she whispered something to you and she was looking at you like she-"

"Who cares how she looks at me? All you need to care about is how I look at you because the only thing I care about is how you look at me!" Jungkook exclaims, clearly exhausted of this conversation. 

You sink in your seat and look away as the knuckles on his hands turn white from gripping the steering wheel. 

"_____," he calls you gently,  but his voice mantains a stern tone to it. "We don't do jealousy. I thought we were supossed to trust each other blindly. Have I not proved to you how sickenly in love with you I am? Do you not trust me and what I feel?"

"I-... Of course I do. I-just... I don't know. You're right. That was uncalled for." you wrap yourself in the warmth of Junkook's blazer, trying to make his scent wash away any ugly resentment and guilt in your body. 

"Wanna know what she said to me?" a rethorical question, because he was going to tell you anyway. "She asked me if I was going to stay for Yugyeom's after party, way past midnight. Wanna know what I said?" he turns to you. "I said no, I'm spending the night with my girlfriend."

None of you say nothing after that. He just puts his seatbelt on and starts driving. It's not too much of a far drive to his dorm, but the silence and the awkwardness makes it feel so much longer than it should be. You don't remember the last time Jungkook was mad at you. Actually, you don't think Jungkook has ever been mad at you. He loved the banter, loved to tease you, loved being competitive with you. But you had never seen him being avoidant of you. And that feeling tears your heart on the seat of his car.

"Are you mad at me?" you ask, voice barely audible, when the car stops at a red light. His dark eyes meet yours, his face immediately softening as he studies your expression. Then he picks one of your small hands in one of his big ones, brings it to his lips and lightly kisses your knuckles. He communicates with his eyes what he doesn't with words and it's enough to make you feel secure, at least for now.

When you finally arrive at Jungkook's room, he holds the door ope for you and lets you walk in, but he's still unusually quiet. So much so, you start to worry you might have fucked up big time. 

You stand there, not knowing what to do as you watch him sit down on his bed, slipping his shoes and socks off and loosening the tie around his neck. His hair, that was perfectly styled a few hours ago, is now messy by the amount of times his hand has pushed it back. He looks too yummy, and you hate the fact that tension and a little bit of fighting has managed to make him look as delectable. 

You ignore the heat starting to form in your belly because now it's not the time to be horny. Not when you still need to apologize and make things right. He's rolling  the sleeves of his black shirt down his forearms when you decide to speak. 

"Jungkook, I'm very sorry." you start, as you remove his blazer off you and place it on the chair right in front of his desk. "I don't know why I acted the way I did. I dont get easily jealous and I really don't think I am but..." your throat constricts your words for a moment. "The more I love you, the more frightened I get when I think that one day you'll realize I'm better off as your best friend's little sister. I-I dont know what I'd do with myself if that ever happene-"

"Take off your dress." Jungkook's impassive voice and emotionless face startles you and you freeze on your feet. 

"What?"

"Did I stutter?"

His elbows rest on his knees and he's holding your stare with his. His doe eyes lack that free spirited and amusing glint they usually have. He looks bored, scrutinizing you. He's not challenging you. He's commanding you because he knows you will obligue. 

That's why you gulp and slowly slide the straps of your dress down your arms until the fabric pools at your feet. His eyes waver along your naked breasts, nipples perking up like the mere intensity of his gaze is ordering them to. He doesn't make a move and doesn't say anything for a few seconds. He doesn't compliment you like he normally would at the sight of you almost naked in front of him.

His lack of words make you feel insecure, regardless of how turned on you are. You're used to Jungkook being reassuring, you're used to his lighthearted jokes and his playful kisses in the bedroom. But you're not used to Jungkook telling you what to do and keeping his distance while doing so. Your arms move on their own to hide yourself.

"Don't. If you hide from me, I swear to God, _____." he watches you as you let your arms fall back to your sides, your chest moving up and down while you struggle to breathe. You can't deny Jungkook's gruff voice and his eyes studying every bit of skin available to him like he hasn't seen you naked before is not making your underwear stick to your lower lips. 

"JK, I just don't think this is the right moment to-"

"On my lap." your heart skips a bit, a thrill of excitement coursing through your veins.

"Jungkook-"

"I said, get on my lap, face down." he says again, this time slower. One of his eyebrows quirk up. "Or would you rather me drag you myself? Or make you crawl?"

Your eyes widen, and your feet are quick to approach him. Your nipples tingle, your core is throbbing and your cheeks are adorned by a beautiful blush that Jungkook doesn't miss. 

He doesn't move until you're in front of him, just to help you lower yourself on his lap, your cheek and your nipples touching the mattress and your ass up. You close your eyes when Jungkook skims his fingertips over your skin, his carressing relaxing your body until he eases your nerves a bit. He sighs when he notices the way that poor excuse of a thong sticks between your folds as his strong hands massage your buttcheeks. 

He's taking his time, his fingers gliding over your soft skin, his breathing too calm for your liking. Until one palm of his hand collides sharply against your right cheek, sending your body forward. You gasp, the stinging making your body want to pull away. But he's quick to catch both your wrists behind your back, keeping you in place. 

"Jungk-!"

Another smack, this time harder, on the same cheek. 

"Did I give you permission to talk?"  

Smack. This time on the left cheek. Your back arches on its own will, presenting more of your ass to him unwittingly. Your eyes squeezed shut and bite the inside of your cheek as you rub your thighs together. You keep quiet as his hand lands another blow on your ass. 

"That's a good girl. Now," his voice is gentler this time as his hand soothe your reddened cheeks. "do you think what you did tonight was okay?" you say nothing, only a mewl slips past your lips. Another smack. "Answer me."

"No." you lick your lips, anticipating more. 

"Do you think it was funny to pull a stunt like that?" 

Smack.

"N-no!"

"No, it wasn't. Spread your legs for me." you do as you're told and he finally pulls down the drenched piece of lace down your thighs. He leans forward, spreads your cheeks with one hand as he lets a glob of spit fall directly into your lips. He makes you gasp when his fingers start sliding up and down your folds slowly. 

"I've had to put up with this kind of behavour since the day you begged me to fuck this tight, virgin pussy like the little slut you are." you whine, face red as humiliation starts to creep in. Jungkook slips one finger in, pumping it slow and easy. Your hips move to take him deeper.

"I tried to be a gentleman, you know?" he says, adding a second finger. "I've tried to treat you nice and sweet and be the best boyfriend I could be to make you happy and keep you satisfied in every sense of the word." his thumb finds your clit, rubbing tortuous circles. 

"Been compeletely whipped since I kissed you for the first time. Haven't looked at other girls because I just can't when I have everything I want to look at right in front of me." murmuring, he starts to get lost your pussy and how it swallows his fingers and how obscene you look and sound, dripping right on his trousers. He watches his fingers moving in and out, almost hypnotized. "Yet, somehow..." he pulls away. You whimper in protest. 

"Somehow, you still seem to doubt me." His hand smacks your cheek again, wet fingers spreading your essence all over your skin.

"P-please, please." you cry. You miss Jungkook's sadistic smile before he releases the grip on your wrists, still keeping you on his lap. Both his hands spread your cheeks now, and another glob of spit falls right into your asshole. His fingers find your cunt again, easily taking you almost over the edge.

"If you could only look at yourself right now... All spread out for me like a needy whore in heat" his thumb teases your unexplored rim, hesitantly, coating it with his spit and your own arousal. He presses in slowly. You gasp, your body tenses and Jungkook stills his movements immediately. There's silence for a few seconds. 

"Too far? Should I stop?" and there's your Jungkook, concern lacing his voice. His free hand caresses your back, your body relaxing, laying back down obediently. His fingers are still inside you and his thumb is still asking for entrance. He leans forward, placing a small but comforting kiss on the bruised skin of your right asscheek. 

"Go on." you whisper, but he doesn't move right away. This time, it's his own body that tenses momentarely before going back to his tranquil demeanor. He breathes through his noise as his fingers pick up where they left off. 

"Yeah?" you swear you hear him swallow a lump in his throat. "Gonna let me finger this tight little ass like a good slut? Mm?" his thumb slides deeper, slightly stretching you out while his fingers work your pussy in a solid rhythm. "Gonna let me stretch you out little by little until I can open you up with my cock one day?" his movements speed up, fingers sliding out of your cunt to play with your clit and his thumb slowly moving in and out. "You don't wanna talk now? You just want to stay silent while I fuck your ass and-"

And then you're cumming, so unexpected it takes both of you by surprise. Your hands grip onto Jungkook's sheets, your thighs clasp around his hand as you scream his name. He doesn't stop though. He rides you through it, encouraging words mixing with filthy insults that prolong your orgasm until you're squirming beneath him. 

"Shit, baby... My hand is soaked." he mumbles, as he slowly removes his fingers and thumb from you. "You okay?"

You faintly nod your head yes, not able to find words through your dry mouth and your pussy still convulsing. 

"Good. Get on the bed. On your hands and knees." 

You somehow manage to slip from his lap and position yourself as he says. Except your arms and legs are shaking. Although the sound of Jungkook undoing his belt and his hands gripping your hips and bringing you towards him until the head of his dick is at your entrance is enough to make you forget about how tired your body is. You surrender to him, not even bothering to hold yourself up on your arms, your fingers crumbling the sheets and your face buried into the pillow. 

When his cock enters you, a pitiful moan leaves your mouth. His thick lenght slides into your heat, filling you perfectly as he always does. It's a wonder how well he fits inside you. 

"Such a perfect slut for me. Always ready for me to do whatever I want with her, since day one. So tight, so ready. So, so perfect. All mine." he talks as measured as he moves, dragging each word out as his hips find a nice tempo. 

Then he doesn't move for a while with his dick buried between your walls, and you know he's holding himself back. You turn your head slightly to look at him. He catches your eyes instantly. Sees your mascara running down your watery eyes, and your smudged lipstick and your messy hair and then he's giving you that look. That look that lets you know that Jungkook is, indeed, whipped for you. Leaning in, he presses his shirt-covered chest to your sweaty, naked back. His cock dives deeper, not an ounce of space between you as he lovingly kisses your cheek until his mouth finds yours. 

He kisses you hard but soft, tongue meeting yours for the first time since you entered the room. Jungkook is not a man of words. He's silly, and a jokester, and finds it difficult to express how he's feeling. But when he kisses you, or looks at you, when he touches you, or when he makes love to you, even if it's as dirty and filthy as right now, he's always able to transmit exactly what he can't vocally.

He's telling you there's no other place he'd rather be than here, with you. 

When he pulls back, a string of saliva still connecting your lips, his hand moves to the back of your head, fisting your hair in a tight hold that makes you arch your back and desperately moan for him.

"A-and you're mine." you sob.

It's like something snaps inside of him. He growls and suddenly his hips lose control. He nails you against the mattress, his grip on your hair pulling your head back, his lips against your ear as your cunt clenches around his cock. 

"Just yours. All yours." his grunts send shivers down your spine and you're close again, even in the painful and uncomfortable position your body is in. Being at Jungkook's mercy and him being at yours is enough to have you seeing starts.

"This is the only pussy I want wrapped around my cock. Your lips are the only ones I want to kiss. You're the only one I want between my arms." It only takes two flickers of Jungkook's free hand against your nub and his next words to tip you over. "You belong to me, and I belong to you."

You squeal as you come, and Jungkook bites your shoulder to keep himself from doing so as well as he follows shortly. He fills you up with his release,  but he doesn't release you from him. He wraps his arms around your frame, both your bodies becoming soft as he rolls over to one side with your back still pressed to his chest, cock still inside you. His lips find their way to the skin of your shoulder and the back of your neck. His breath fanning your flesh makes you smile.

"That is so not like my sister. I'm telling you, she never gets jealous." Taehyung says over the phone. He's munching on something again and Jungkook would bet all the money in his wallet again he's eating Skittles. Red Skittles. "So, everything cool now?"

"Yeah, man. We just talked it out, you know?" Jungkook's gaze falls on you, laying on your stomach on his bed, laptop iluminating your face, earbuds on and your head moving to whatever music you're listening to. Jungkook would bet all the money in his bank account it's Shape Of My Heart by The Backstreet Boys. Or at least that's what he's been able to guess so far. He was never good at reading lips, specially when trying to guess boybands' lyrics. 

Friday's nights meant late 1990's/early 2000's pop nostalgia for you. It meant shaking his head and spending the following week trying to get Britney and Xtina songs out of his brain for him. Although lately, he hadn't been trying that hard. Jungkook sighs in content, not really trying to cover the fact that he might be looking at you like a starstruck teenager. Which, it was totally fair because that's exactly how he feels about you. "Communication is key, bro."

He keeps watching you until your head perks up and catch him gawking. You smile at him and he smiles back.

"By 'communication is key' you mean you actually fucked my little sister silly right? Bro, I swear, I'll block your numb-"

"Sorry man, gotta go." 

"And now you're gonna fuck her silly again, right? You son of a b-"

Jungkook hangs up just as you take your earbuds off, making his way to you to kiss you silly.