#I’d like to go sometime when I don’t want to kms

[sabanmoon]

China town is super fucking cool

[familiarscars]

Lost In Control | Bad Omens | CHAPTER 15

adult content | minors do NOT interact.

⋆ 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆. Bad Omens X ex-girlfriend and singer!Reader.

⋆ 𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒. You and Noah had a difficult ending, but you still need to support each other for the band.

⋆ 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆(𝐒). melancholy, ex-boyfriends, difficult relationships, alcohol abuse, swearing, drug addiction, violence.

It's okay to not agree with the characters' attitudes during the fic. It's good to remember that the story is fiction from the author's sick mind, and of course they will make dubious decisions according to my fantasies. Nothing is done to be compared to reality.

NOAH

The outburst of fury, often seen as negative, can sometimes be an important part of the emotional regulation process.

That wasn’t the case for me.

I was speeding past 120 km/h on a dark and empty road, slamming the accelerator to the floor, heading nowhere. The open windows let the wind whip through my hair, pushing it against my face, while the pressure crushing my chest was taken out on the leather steering wheel, my fingers gripping it tightly.

Nothing passed before my eyes except the dark mist that had been gradually consuming me since I left the studio.

I didn’t know what this strange feeling was. I had never felt like this before. But it was here, more alive than ever, and it intensified every time my mind wandered back to her—to her words, and that damned air of arrogance she carried whenever she threw in my face how I’d become the most useless piece on the board since she left.

She could.

My head still took an internal hit whenever I tried to stimulate my reasoning, and little by little, my ability to see clearly was disappearing. I oscillated between the need to keep forcing myself to drive aimlessly and the almost palpable urge to end that wretched woman’s life.

Five seconds of distraction, and everything happens too fast. Not even my effort to slam the brakes at the last moment could prevent the violent crash that tore me from my thoughts. It was too late—I had slammed into the back of a car because of my speed and lack of attention. My head dropped against the steering wheel as I let out a frustrated sigh, catching sight of the brake lights on the vehicle ahead.

Beside me, behind the closed window, a woman was yelling and pounding with her fists, trying to get my attention. I stayed still, staring at the dashboard, breathing only through my nose and closing my eyes as though trying to take my anger’s temperature and keep it in check.

Slowly, I pressed the button on my side, and as the window slid down, her shrill voice filled my ears, gradually amplifying my irritation.

“I need your phone number right now, or I’m calling the police!” she shouted, still failing to fully capture my attention. I ran a finger over another, carefully pressing against the skin around my nail, feeling it subtly peel as I applied pressure. “Have you lost your mind, speeding like that on a road like this? What if someone had been in the back seat?”

“Was there?” I asked, raising an eyebrow and turning my head toward her slowly.

“No.”

“Then I don’t see the problem,” I interjected.

With a long breath, I opened the glove compartment and pulled out a notepad and a pen. I bit off the cap and scribbled down my phone number along with my name, tearing the sheet off immediately after.

“If this is a fake number, I’ve taken a picture of your license plate, and we’ll meet in court!” she snatched the paper from my hand with an expressionless scowl.

“If you’re looking for a reason to see me again, you should think of something better.”

She clearly didn’t appreciate the joke, stomping away and huffing as she returned to her car. When her car started, I pressed the button to roll the windows back up. I collapsed, resting my forehead against the steering wheel, shaking my head side to side in disbelief.

I had come this far and had nowhere else I wanted to go.

My best choice seemed to be going back home.

It was like a damn nightmare walking through that door.

There wasn’t a room in this place that didn’t remind me of her. Everything carried her scent, her stray hairs, and when I stood still in one spot, I could hear her voice and the particular laugh she gave whenever I teased her and wrapped her in my arms.

Nothing was mine anymore; she had contaminated every particle of my being with the disease she called affection. I needed to recalibrate my brain’s commands, torturing myself by replaying every moment of the last few days and how I had incessantly avoided letting it all end the way our hours-long conversation had.

I spent the last bit of energy I had ripping my shirt open, popping the buttons off, as I made my way to the counter where a bottle of whiskey still sat. I didn’t bother with a glass, drinking straight from the neck without even flinching at the bitter taste.

I had never liked drinking, but there was no one else here—nothing else.

My music app seemed to be malfunctioning, as it kept playing the same track on repeat, just to remind me exactly where it hurt.

With each guitar solo, I sank deeper into the shadow of voices my mind had become in mere seconds. The sips of my drink were automatic by now, and I found myself sitting motionless on the floor next to the sofa, exhaling slowly through parted lips. Each buzzing sound felt thinner, like nails scraping against a chalkboard, blending with the instrumental of the song, and I was sure I was spinning in a spiral that blurred my vision.

It felt like my body was trapped in a new cycle, faltering without moving an inch. The suffocating sensation grew with each passing moment, but when I touched my neck, I realized nothing was obstructing my breath. I broke the trance with a piercing scream that propelled me off the floor and, in one swift motion, hurled the bottle at the sound system, finally silencing it.

The quiet that filled my home didn’t match the turmoil echoing in my head, and the adrenaline coursing through my veins like blazing embers heightened the noise, amplifying the agony. I walked to the wooden bat resting by the fireplace—a marker of reference—and driven by impulse, swung it at everything adorning the top of the cabinet, shattering the frames to the floor.

Nothing seemed to soothe the rage boiling through every drop of my blood, and I vented it with another swing at the liquor cabinet. The furniture’s frame collapsed into shards of glass, scattering across the room with a deafening crash, along with all the bottles that toppled from lack of support, soaking the laminate floor.

I clumsily wiped my face and noticed a shard of glass embedded in the palm of my hand, surrounded by dark, almost coagulated blood. I could only smile, because even pressing the wound with the sharp piece, I couldn’t feel the pain of it piercing my skin.

I couldn’t feel anything anymore.

Ignoring the countless calls—likely from my friends—I trudged heavily to my bedroom. I yanked out all her belongings from my wardrobe, along with her makeup and hair products, tossing them haphazardly into a trash can. Since she left, I had never touched anything she left behind.

I watched it all turn to flames the moment I held my lighter to her red dress, igniting the rest. I stood there, observing the fire diminish to ashes as if I were watching the greatest of films.

From up here, the city was still lit by commercial and residential lights. This place seemed to never sleep, much like me, as I swung my feet from the windowsill, downing my whiskey in one long gulp.

As soon as I finished the drink, I hurled the bottle into the street without caring where it would land. The wind acted as my protector, blowing in the opposite direction to keep my body steady on the narrow, precarious space where I sat.

If my calculations were correct, a fall from this height would make my head strike the edge of the pool below, likely causing a skull fracture and possibly severing my tongue from the impact of my teeth during the fall, in addition to crushing my bones into dust, killing me before the second cardiac arrest.

It was the thought of a sick person.

But I truly felt sick.

I felt that no matter how much I shouldn’t and couldn’t be near her, I needed to. Every day, our damned dilemma trapped me in a web of sticky edges. I didn’t like how I felt when we were together, but I didn’t know it could be even worse when we were apart.

I hated who I’d become since she left, constantly feeling like a part of me was missing, as if I walked through the streets with a gaping hole in my chest.

Lying on the ledge, staring at the sky, I desperately wished for it to stop burning.

I hadn’t slept at all—if you could even call spending a sleepless night on a ledge a lucid attempt at rest.

It was early, and I, Bryan, and Scarlet—the model from yesterday’s shoot—were gathered at a café near the studio to review the results of the photos. They were excitedly passing one picture after another, analyzing each one and exchanging editing tips, while I was focused on the bandage on my palm—a quick fix I’d had to make when I discovered this morning that I’d hurt myself.

“And what do you think, Noah?” Bryan asked, snapping me out of my thoughts.

“Whatever you decide works for me.”

"Wait!" he blurted, exchanging a quick glance with the girl. "You’re excusing yourself from having an opinion on something? Are you sure you’re okay?"

"He looks like he’s hungover, cut him some slack."

"Wow, what an amazing observation, Scarlet. Want a lollipop for that?" I muttered with zero enthusiasm, and the girl fell silent, shrugging her shoulders. "I said you can do whatever you think is best, but if you’re going to keep asking me about it, I might as well just do it myself."

"Take it easy, man!" he raised his hands in mock surrender. "As far as I know, we didn’t sleep together for you to be this grumpy so early in the morning."

The waitress brought my coffee, placing it on the table before walking away. With the tips of my fingers, I pressed against my temples with some force; my head ached so badly that every word Bryan said vibrated painfully in my brain.

"A few more details and prep to upload to the site before the launch. I wanted to gather the rest of the band to discuss how the van recording will go, and—"

"She’s not going to be in the video," I interrupted, exhaling and hooking my finger around the handle of the cup to bring it to my lips.

"You still haven’t changed your mind about that? Without her, we lose the song. Are you sure you can whip up three tracks in a snap with the tight schedule we’ve got?" he grumbled, shutting his laptop. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"We’re not losing the song. We’re sticking to the original plan," I emphasized, carefully placing the cup back on the table. "It’s going to be a collaboration, just as I decided it would be."

"She’s never going to let you record the tracks without her."

"We’ll see about that."

I wasn’t expecting anything less selfish from her when she had the nerve to puff out her chest and claim the songs were hers alone—one of which we had written together on a plane. By that logic, I could say the band was solely mine, considering she joined after the fact.

Collaborations are common in any genre, and we were two albums in without trying anything similar. I wasn’t keen on repeating the same formula, and this wasn’t just about being contrary to her. But if she wanted to play dirty, so be it.

In the parking lot, just before unlocking my car, I heard hurried footsteps approaching me. Scarlet’s red hair whipped across her face in the wind as she came to a stop beside me.

"Noah!" she called out, slightly out of breath. "I’m free this afternoon. Do you mind if I tag along to the band rehearsal?"

Truthfully, I did mind. I didn’t want to be near her, let alone let her watch my band rehearse.

"Sure," I smiled, not too enthusiastically.

"Great!" she beamed, and my smile immediately faded. "Since Bryan’s already gone, can I catch a ride with you?"

"Sure," I replied again, just as unenthusiastically.

Before shutting the driver’s door, I noticed a noise coming from a short distance away. My eyesight wasn’t great for spotting things far off, but squinting, I saw two girls putting away their phones, their flashes still on. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath before getting into the seat and slamming the door shut.

Hell wasn’t anywhere near over.

In the studio, everyone was tuning their instruments and running sound checks when I walked in. A tense silence settled as soon as they saw someone stepping in behind me. Across the room, the girl cleaning the mic stand seemed frozen for a few seconds before she resumed blinking.

"I don’t recall announcing today’s rehearsal as open to the public," she said in a biting tone, setting the mic stand aside and getting up from her seat. Her long hair came undone with each step until it framed her face.

Even though she hadn’t made an effort to dress up, she looked flawless in just an oversized band T-shirt and shorts.

"It’s such a pleasure to meet you in person… You’re so beautiful!" The poor red-haired girl made the gravest mistake when she stepped past me and eagerly placed herself in front of the other girl, radiating excitement—unlike the other, who looked as serious as if she’d been chewing nails. "I’m such a huge fan of yours!"

A piercing glare seemed to cut through Scarlet as she was stared down until she lowered the hand she’d extended for a handshake. I wanted to laugh but restrained myself, shrugging off my jacket and tossing it onto the rack by the door.

"Sit over there and make yourself comfortable," I said, motioning with my chin, and the girl nodded.

“How about we do a themed day at the studio tomorrow, guys?” I didn’t even need to turn around to catch the mocking tone she used. “Everyone brings their pet to the rehearsal and sits them down to watch us work.”

The guys let out a chuckle, and Scarlet frowned, threatening to stand up, but I quickly signaled for her to stay put.

“Is it just me, or is she calling me a dog?” she asked.

“She’s not all there,” I assured her, tapping my temple with my fingers. “Just pretend you didn’t hear it.”

Taking my place behind the microphone, I only glanced at her from the corner of my eye. Sarcasm seemed to drip from her lips as she winked at me, then turned back to her mic just as the music's intro started.

No warm-up, no preparation, not even proper posture—yet she sang as if it were part of her very being. The tone of her voice perhaps carried extra weight, given the events of the past few days, but it didn’t disrupt the effortless way she played with the microphone.

It didn’t feel fair.

All this time, and I still felt like I was losing every single day. She remained inspired, arrogant, fearless, and working as seamlessly as ever.

Meanwhile, I felt trapped in a never-ending whirlpool. But I had always known she was stronger since the first day I met her. Nothing in her life seemed to frighten her enough to unravel even a single strand of her hair. She never allowed herself to be affected, never showed fear, and always tried to teach me the same.

But I was never as good at hiding my feelings as she was.

Finally, the rehearsal was over. I was coiling up the cables to store them in the cabinet while Scarlet had gone out to wait for me in the car. The guys had decided to grab something to eat, though I suspected they were really just escaping being alone with the two of us.

It was just me and the devil.

“If the music video shoot starts this weekend, we’ll have enough time to edit the video before sending it for approval,” she said from behind the computer. I stopped in my tracks when I finished hearing her. She seemed to be ignoring our entire conversation from the previous day—typical of her when something didn’t sit well.

“What part of ‘you’re not going to be part of this’ do you still not understand?” I asked, raising my eyebrows. My arms were crossed tightly, my hands clenched with nervousness—a standard reaction when forced to face her ever-defiant expression.

“So, you’re sulking because you spent the whole night writing, I assume?” she said venomously, lowering the computer screen. “I’m curious to see what you managed to come up with. Care to show me?”

I let out a bitter laugh, rolling my eyes as I took three measured steps forward, stopping at the table where she was seated. I leaned over the wood and locked our gazes before she could distract me.

I didn’t want to catch her scent or let my eyes linger on her lips—not even for a second. I knew that would be enough.

“What if I told you I’m going to keep using the songs you wrote for my band?”

“You’re terrible at telling jokes, Noah,” she laughed.

Carefully, I pulled my phone from my pocket, unlocking the screen, which was already on the page I needed. Placing the device in her hands, I watched as her mocking expression gradually faded into seriousness. The defiant sparkle in her eyes shifted to something melancholic as tears filled them.

“You didn’t…” she murmured, shaking her head.

“Something told me you’d betray me the moment you gave that speech yesterday. So before you could be predictable, I beat you to it by selling the three songs to the label as singles. They’ll be released before the album drops.”

“You stole my songs!” she exclaimed, throwing my phone onto the table and storming away. “Since when did you become Gerard’s little puppet, betraying me in the dirtiest way possible? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, NOAH?”

“YOU!” I shouted back, matching her volume. “YOU ARE WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME!”

“This is the most mature way you can handle this? Selling my work to the man who’s doing everything to destroy me?” she yelled, digging her fingers into her hair. “All this talk about excluding me from the recording sessions—it’s all coming from him because he can’t handle someone standing up to the amount of crap he pulls! I’m the only one still fighting for the band, the only one who sees what Gerard’s doing to us while you cower before him!”

She was so furious her hands trembled, matching the quivering of her eyelids.

“You’re letting him push me aside because you refuse to admit that our feud has bled into our professional lives!”

“You were the first to do that when you left me alone on tour because you couldn’t handle the end of your relationship!” I shot back. “You were the first to ignore the band when you chose to self-destruct instead of being professional!”

“And you were so strong you had to cancel the entire tour because you couldn’t sing without your failed ex-girlfriend!” she retorted harshly. “You can use a hundred arguments to call me weak and unprofessional, Noah, but don’t compare me to you!”

A disbelieving laugh escaped my lips.

“I wasn’t the one who racked up a million-dollar debt for breaking a contract out of sheer whim. I wasn’t the one who pulled a song from the setlist because it reminded me of someone. I wasn’t the one who stayed silent while my fans tore your name apart online. I wasn’t the one who played the victim for months, letting you take the heat for being the ‘problematic’ one!” she spat, her words like venom she’d been holding back. “I took all of that in silence and never set the record straight in any forum because I always knew you couldn’t survive a day in my shoes!”

“Enough!”

“This is how all our arguments end—you realize that no matter what you say, your stance is shallow, and you retreat into the same place you always do: silence.”

Her final words were punctuated by the door slamming shut with a force that rattled both the walls and my hungover mind. A momentary flash of fury made me punch the edge of the table, letting out a low growl.

⭑ @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard ; @iluvmewwwww75 ; @anarchydomainglory ; @foliosgirl ; @lma1986 ; @chey-h ; @supersquirrel1996 ; @zozaline ; @just-randomm-stuff

[voxofthevoid]

I loved your answer to the Sukuita anon! I’d also like to ask for some elaboration if that’s okay: when you said that Sukuna in the manga says he finds Yuji boring but is borderline obsessed with him, can I ask how you got to that interpretation/conclusion? I myself am a MASSIVE sukuita shipper and yet sometimes I struggle w the ship because it feels like Sukunas hate for Yuji is so,,, rigid? To me it’s not just hate sometimes it borders on disdain/apathy which is a lot less forgiving than a passionate feeling like hate I think? And it narrows down the plausibility of a relationship between them (which makes me sad bc I ship these two BAAAADDDDDD 😭😭). So I just wanna know how you reconciled that aspect of their relationship.

When I ship something I don’t wanna feel like the characters would have to be OOC to be together (I’m not one of those people who can soften a char’s edges in my imagination to make it fit the ship), which Sukuita often feels like. Straight up giving me ship-imposter syndrome 😭 💀 making me ask myself am I being delulu? Do these two chars even have chemistry fr?

I think I’ve just never seen a character like Sukuna call another char BORING this much before. Like damn Sukuna can’t even say he hates Yuji 😭 he gotta call him boring 😭😭 and that makes me wanna kms 😭 😭 I don’t wanna ship a fraud ship so please help me see what you see.

I’ve never shipped something so hard while simultaneously being so confused and conflicted over shipping it.

*pats pats* I can understand that dilemma. Hate is a very passionate emotion, while indifference/apathy is defined by lack of passion. How's that quote go—the opposite of love isn't hate but indifference? I'd also find it harder to get into a ship where one party outright doesn't care about the other, while mutual or even one-sided hate are prime shipping grounds.

But in this case, without any real insight into your head, I'd wager a guess that you're experiencing this disconnect because you have critically picked up on the undercurrents of Sukuna and Yuuji's relationship but are consciously too caught up in what Sukuna says.

He be lyin' though. To himself, most of all. There's a reason I specified he must be in denial in that post you saw.

Sukuna very badly wants Yuuji to be boring. He wants Yuuji to not matter—for his ideals to be foolish, for his will to wither. Most importantly, Sukuna wants to be completely unaffected by Yuuji. He tries to emphasize this so many times in so many ways: he never calls Yuuji by name (except once at the beginning and then at the very end), he belittles and mocks Yuuji at every opportunity, and he says in a variety of ways that Yuuji's boring and inconsequential.

But look at his actions, the way he behaves. From the beginning, whenever he takes over Yuuji, Sukuna tries to do things that will not only bring him joy but also shatter Yuuji, and the degree of his targeted malice only increases as the story progresses. The devastation at Shibuya is a natural consequence of Sukuna's fight with Jogo and then Mahoraga, but that final moment where he takes care to lead Yuuji to the very edge of the crater, taunting him while making sure Yuuji will witness the full scale of the devastation the instant he opens his eyes? That's so intensely personal.

And it only gets worse after Sukuna switches to Megumi's body; there are glaring contradictions between what he tells Yuuji and how he acts/reacts. Honestly, even his interior monologue contradicts what he says half the time. Both in the last few chapters of "Cursed Womb: Under Heaven" and "The Decisive Battle in the Uninhabited, Demon-Infested Shinjuku," there's a running thread of Sukuna verbally dismissing Yuuji while actively being shocked, offended, confused, and even cornered by his actions. And whenever the battle narrows to just the two of them, you have Sukuna continuously needling Yuuji to get a rise out of him, while Yuuji's fixated on just tearing into him and saving Megumi—until Yuuji's domain expansion, that is.

The crux of it is there in Chapter 248, explicitly realized by Sukuna himself. Sharing a body with Yuuji, their souls coexisting in excruciating proximity, forced Sukuna to understand and be aware of Yuuji in a way that's deeply uncomfortable to Sukuna, both because of his character and because of how diametrically opposed Yuuji's values and ideals are to Sukuna's nature. Even the very act of understanding Yuuji discomfits Sukuna. Naturally, he resolves to shatter those ideals and Yuuji himself.

Yuuji's DE and its aftermath also illustrate this. You have Sukuna outright saying he feels "absolutely nothing" about the humanity Yuuji showcased only to become incandescently angry the instant he perceives Yuuji as pitying him. There's nothing apathetic about the way he resolves to tear apart everyone Yuuji loves before killing him; he even admits out loud that he's surprised by the intensity of his hatred.

Fundamentally, Yuuji changed him, and Sukuna fucking hated it the entire time—the premonition, the process, the result. He's so insistent on Yuuji meaning nothing because to accept otherwise challenges the very foundation Sukuna built his existence on. To him, Yuuji is an existential threat, and we see it realized in the afterlife scene, where Sukuna admits to wanting to try a kinder path in life. That's one hell of an admittance coming from him, but it's also an admittance he could only have made in death, in loss.

In the end, he died cradled by Yuuji, verbally rejecting him using Yuuji's own words while simultaneously acknowledging Yuuji by using his proper name. And ain't that sukuita in a nutshell?

Even outside of the shipping goggles, they're a central narrative-driving force in the final arc and for good reason.

I do think the development of this relationship could have benefited from (a) the Shinjuku Showdown arc having a tighter focus, instead of being so drawn out and haphazard, and (b) Yuuji's DE and the parts around it being expanded to cover a Heian era flashback as well as more insights into Yuuji's understanding of Sukuna. I read or skimmed like twenty chapters just to put this post together because while I trust my memory, I wanted concrete references, and it really showed how scattered the emotional core of the Sukuna gauntlet is.

[saralovesyouu]

Helloo! I see your request are open, You can ignore this Request if this make you uncomfortable🌻

Can i Request Childhood-friends troupe with Ace or Deuce? (can both if you want)

Its can be Platonic or Romance, up to you!♡

I hope i didn't disturb you wait this Request and have a good day:D !

Childhood friends troupe with Ace and Deuce.

I had no idea if you wanted them to be separate or together, so I’m doing them separate (romantic). Hope that’s okay!

Also I am so so sorry about barely publishing this like a day later, I was out doing back to school shopping and pretty busy with things I’d rather kms than go back to school so yeah. I would’ve at least started writing this last night, but I was on the verge of falling asleep so I decided not to.

Also, gender neutral reader, I wasn’t sure what gender you wanted reader to be.

As always, this is proofread, and double checked for grammar mistakes. If there is anything I missed, please don’t come at me—English is not my first language..

Ace Trappola x reader

Deuce Spade x reader

Back to Heartslabyul masterlist <—

Ace Trappola as your childhood friend would include..

- You would have to keep him out of trouble, as it was shown in the first chapter he likes to pick fun at others and it could get him into trouble.

- Ace always helps you with your homework, he is smart, despite his carefree persona, and if you are ever struggling with any class he always helps you understand the topic you’re learning better!

- Ace being the little shithead he is loves playing pranks on you, it’s like the highlight of the day. But he will stop if you tell him to.

- I feel like his brother would tease the shit out of Ace sometimes, whenever you and Ace would visit him of course, like he’ll notice him trying to hit on you, and just calls him out on it in front of you. Ace swears he wants to strangle his brother..

- You know how his dad is good at performing card tricks? I feel like at least once when you two were kids, he would try to perform one of the same card tricks but failed. You would always like laugh and poke fun at him because he messed it up, but now that he’s older, he sometimes shows you the same card tricks when your upset and need cheering up and even though he knows the right way to do it, he messes it up just so that you could smile and laugh at him. He loves your smile but he’d never admit it out loud.

- Speaking of you being upset, since Ace has known you since you two were kids, he knows when you’re upset, you can’t hide it from him. He’s like a lie-detector when it comes to you.

- Ace as your childhood friend, trying to cheer you up, would most likely be him taking you with him to prank someone with him. He wants to see you laugh, but if you’re genuinely upset, and don’t want him to joke around—he’ll just let you lay in his arms and let you rant about whatever is bothering you.

- He is not the best comforter, I don’t know why. I feel like he gets kinda awkward and doesn’t know what to say or do to make you feel better, so the only thing he does do, is just sit there, hugging you and listen to you ramble about whatever is bothering you. He’s better at making you laugh than comforting you with words but don’t tell him that lmao.

- Ace probably can and will beat up anyone who dares to hurt you. Metaphorically, I mean. Like if someone made fun of you, or made you feel bad or uncomfortable. Unlike Deuce he won’t result to violence. He’ll make a total fool of them.

- I have a feeling he’ll get jealous if you flirt with Cater. He’d never admit it to you. Like I could see it.

“Hey, (Y/N), you and I should go to this new café I saw online, they say the ratings are high!” Cater exclaims, showing you the location on his phone. “Oh really?” you asked, peering over his shoulder to get a better look of the screen. “Yeah, you wanna come?” Cater asks again. “Like a date?” You snickered, looking over at Ace who was practically fuming. Cater knew what you were doing and played along. “Yeah, a date.” Cater smirked, hugging you close to him. Ace made a quiet ‘hmph!’ noise, crossing his arms. He paused for a few seconds, before marching right up to you, purposely shoving Cater away from you to sit in-between you. “That sounds great, mind if I tag along?” Ace asked, draping his arm around your shoulders. “Ace, honey, just admit your jealous.” Cater snickered, poking Ace’s side. Ace’s face flushed a bright red “I am not!”. Cater’s smirk only widens “So you don’t mind if I take them on a date?” Cater taunts, smirking at Ace. “I never said that!” Ace retorts, crossing has arms as he shifted his gaze to the floor with a huff. “C’mon it’s not that hard, just admit you like them.”

- Ace probably doesn’t realize his feelings for you until you both start attending school at NRC, when he sees you jokingly flirting with Cater, or spending too much time with someone who isn’t him, and he feels weird jealous—that’s when he realizes “oh you absolute dumb fuck your in love with them.” He feels so stupid for not realizing that he likes you sooner, despite him being a really smart person.

- Ace probably doesn’t like the idea of telling you he has feelings for you though. You’re his childhood friend! It’s like the basic, most often thought romance troupe!

- Poor baby makes it so obvious though, always trying to make you smile, pouting when you flirt too much with Cater, and just in general. You don’t tell him you know though to both save him the embarrassment of being so obvious and so he could build up the courage to tell you himself.

- Which never happens, so if you really want him to know you like him back, you’re gonna have to tell him.

Deuce Spade as your childhood friend would include..

- You would always try to keep him out of trouble, more like keeping him from getting into fights with people, making sure to somewhat keep him in line.

- I get the feeling that Deuce would help you with anything you needed. He’s not as smart as Ace, so he can’t help you with studying, but if Grim broke anything you need anything fixed, you can rely on him to fix it!

- Speaking of Deuce’s studying, I feel like he barely passes his classes, despite studying so hard to get good grades. So you and him have like little study nights in his dorm, where you help him try to not fail every class he and you both just study and prepare for exams or projects so that his mind doesn’t go completely blank, which definitely doesn’t turn into you two talking back and forth the whole time.

- Also, back to the fact the Deuce’s mom is a single mother, so I feel like as kids you would go over to help him help his mom around the house, if that makes sense? His mother loves you, and definitely made a joke of you being her future daughter-in-law.

- I don’t know why I feel like Deuce likes when you depend on him. Cause like, how he would always help his mom out with things so things would be easier for her, I feel like he’d do the same thing for you, cause he likes helping you out. Something about how he would like doing things for you just to help you out, or fixing things that Grim had broken, or helping you clean up around the dorm. This man’s love language just HAS to be acts of service.

- Deuce probably, if he failed another test again, he’d come to you for comfort. Watching him sulk as you hold him in your arms, complaining about how he worked so hard to just to fail yet again. Times like this, he insists on going to you, even if your busy, he’ll just lean his forehead onto the back of your shoulder and grumble something about not studying hard enough, and needing to study harder. Please assure him he did his best and that’s enough!

- I would think that Deuce is more of a comforter than Ace, in the sense that he’ll bluntly tell you what is what and how to fix it (ex. a toxic partner, he’ll just straight up tell you to put them in their place [beat ‘em up] and leave them). But that’s a good thing actually. If you just want him to listen though, that’s cool too! He could totally do that!!

- Anyone who dares to badmouth you, or insult you to your face—with him there, might I add—he won’t hesitate to beat the shit out of them tell them off.

- Adding onto that, Deuce would definitely try to fight them when you’re not around, frustratingly muttering how it wasn’t his fault, and they were practically asking for him to beat them up when they were talking badly about you. You had to beg Crowley to let him off the hook, or else you’d be dealing with a sulky Deuce if he got suspended.

- I get the feeling Deuce is very protective of you, always making sure you’re eating enough, staying hydrated, taking care of yourself. What? He can’t help it, you’re his friend afterall.

- He probably can’t tell when you’re upset, unlike Ace so you have to come to him and tell him.

- He cares a LOT about you, and he’ll make sure to show it. He’s such a sweetheart with you, honestly.

- Despite being extremely straightforward and blunt, I feel like if you tried to hint at your feelings for him, he’d be so oblivious—this dense mf, if you said something like “oh I like this guy with.. dark blue hair and terrible grades” this man will just be like “oh cool haha” he definitely isn’t jealous.

- I don’t think Deuce is a jealous guy I’m lying, I’m lying—he’s defo a jealous guy. AND HE WONT EVEN TRY TO HIDE IT?? Like again, if Cater is flirting with you as a joke, Deuce would be like “Sorry, I need them for the rest of the day, you cannot have them.”

- Cater probably asks him if he likes you, and Deuce would probably just go “no they’ve just been my friend since we were kids, it’s natural for me to feel like this.” is it really?

- But Cater eventually explains and manages to make Deuce realize that YES, he does in fact have feelings for you he’s just really dense.

- Deuce over analyzes this for DAYS, observing everything you do, trying to see if it’s okay to confess to you, he wants to. And he would but he just can’t stand one thing. Rejection. It makes his stomach churn. He would’ve if he actually managed to see the signs..

- Riddle once caught you trying to indirectly tell Deuce you liked him, he called you out on it.

“Aha.. so Deuce. Remember how I was telling you how there was this guy I liked?” you asked in the middle of an unbirthday party. “Yeah? You said he has dark blue hair right? And he has terrible grades?” Deuce confirmed, trying to think of who he knew that was like that. “They’re also incredibly dense.” you sigh. “Why? Have you told them your feelings yet?” Deuce asked, his heart sinking as he thought you might like someone else. “Yeah, I’ve hinted to him about my feelings but he doesn’t seem to catch on.” you grumbled. Deuce chuckled “He sounds stupid—“ “They’re talking about you, dimwit.” Riddle sighed, having enough of your pathetic attempts of trying to let Deuce see that you like him. Deuce then turns to you with a flushed face. “Is this.. true?” he paused, trying to look in your eyes for any signs of a lie. “Maybe..” you admitted, your own face flushed red. “If this “maybe” is a yes, then I like you too.” Deuce gives you a fond smile, making you even more flustered by his bluntness.

- Deuce is honestly a good friend to you, but the story is left for your imagination to continue. :)

(A/N) : My hands are hurting so bad it’s okay though, cause I needed to finish this before going to bed. I didn’t want you to think I refused this request. Which is also another thing, if I don’t respond to it the same day, it’s probably cause I’m a bit busy with things, but I’ll get to it before it can get to a few days of waiting. I hope you liked this! If you need anything changed lmk!

Okay but seriously send help my fingers are twitching and my wrists are cramping up.

[harrisonarchive]

George Harrison at Silverstone in July 1987; photo by IMAGO/Crash Media Group.

“There were two television programs that regularly enthralled [George]: motor racing and fashion shows, where long-legged models balanced along the catwalk for hours. George had taste.” - Klaus Voormann, translated from Warum spielst du Imagine nicht auf dem weißen Klavier, John? (2003)

Q: “Many people don’t entirely understand the fascination of Formula One. What does it for you?” George Harrison: “It’s the many different, amazing people and their ongoing soap opera that I can view closely without having any direct responsibility for. It beats Coronation Street.” - The Times, March 2000

Last month, this fan page took a look at George’s Desert Island Discs, and Harrisongs chosen by others (see George's jukebox feature). On that note...

Kate Moss: “Oh, ‘My Sweet Lord’ by George Harrison. I was shopping with Anita Pallenberg and Marianne Faithfull, and we were buying last minute Christmas presents. And I went, ‘Oh, my God, is that George Harrison?’ And he came out of the shop, and said, ‘Is it you?’ And I said, ‘What?’ And he went, ‘When I’m not watching Formula 1, I watch fashion TV. Are you… Kate Moss?’ I went, ‘Yeah, I am. Are you George Harrison?’ And he went, ‘Yeah!’ (laughs) And I was like, ‘Oh my God.’ And he said, ‘Come in, come in, I wanna buy you a Christmas present.’ And he wanted — he tried to buy me this… well, he, I wish I’d let him buy it for me, but I just couldn’t let him because it was so disgusting, this jumper — but it would have been, like, my jumper from George Harrison.” Lauren Laverne: “(Laughs) Christmas jumper, Kate! Sometimes taste has to go out the window.” KM: “I *know*, but it was cable-knit, batwing — cable-knit, batwing pink sweater, and I was like, ‘Please, I can’t let you buy that for me.’ But I loved him so much. And ‘My Sweet Lord’ was [re-]released the week he died. And I couldn’t stop crying. I cried, I was sobbing. ‘What’s wrong with me?’ I mean, it’s upsetting, but I mean, I could not stop crying. And I found out I was pregnant with Lila. So that’s my song with her — and for George.” - Desert Island Discs Podcast, July 2022

“[George] was a big part of my life growing up, too. And [‘Something’ is] just, for me, one of the most beautiful songs, it makes me want to cry every time I hear it.” - Stella McCartney, Desert Island Discs, June 2017 (x)

"My Sweet Lord," as selected by Kate Moss (the video) "Something," as covered by Phyllis Dillon, and selected by Stella McCartney (listen)

[minheelovelee]

i need a threesome with donghyun and kyungmin more than i need air im ILL!!!!

noo mee too tbhh

warning: bxb action. nsfw. fmm 3some. Eiffel tower. m!oral.

03z have a kooky dynamic. theyre both inexperienced when it comes to girls. i think that they might even practice on each other. they hold hands and maybe even smooch. then kyungmin gets a bright idea to ask you to help them. they don’t know any other girls and you seem like you’d play the part. donghyun’s like omg ur a genius i’m never kissing you again.

they invite you over for a movie night like usual. they’re so touchy. km lays his head in your lap and lets you pet him. kitty coded. dh’s got his head on your shoulder and holds your hand.

the skinship is welcome, but confusing. “you two are so touchy tonight, aren’t you?” km would blush for sure. he thinks you caught onto them. dh just smiles at you. “yeah. we missed you.”

he lets the moment linger in the air before adding on. “you know, do you have a lot of experience? like, with having a boyfriend or anything?” kyungmin looks for your reaction. if you’re mad, he’s blaming it all on donghyun.

“i think i have a fair amount. there’s more experienced people for sure. why are you wondering?” km relaxes. you weren’t mad. yet.

“well kyungmin and i have been thinking about that a lot. we don’t have any experience. so we’ve been practicing with each other.” that catches your attention.

“what the fuck? why? do you make out?” km could d*e of embarrassment.

“yeah. sometimes. just to see what it’s like.” donghyun doesn’t seem embarrassed at all. he earns a swat on the arm from kyungmin.

“well can i watch?” they look at you with wide eyes. they didn’t even have to ask? “seriously?” kyungmin cant believe what he’s hearing.

“so i can tell you what you’re doing wrong. obviously.” donghyun had heard enough. he’s not throwing away this opportunity.

he moves forward to hover over kyungmin, taking his chin into his grip. he’s going to give you exactly what you want. so he kisses him.

donghyun’s got one hand on the other’s hip, and another in his hair. he’s found that it’s quite fun to play with his friend’s locks. hard tugs earn him access to his mouth as well. so he gives the hair a little pull.

kyungmin gasps into the others’ mouth. a tongue slips past his lips to touch his teeth. he meets in the middle with his own tongue, letting donghyun do whatever he wants.

the other set of lips pull away. kyungmin lets his neck rest by rolling his head back. donghyun takes that opportunity to plant his lips on the newly exposed skin. km gasps and lolls his head to face you. dh had never ventured there before.

your lap holds a beautiful sight. donghyun’s sharpened jawline and kyungmin’s ditzy look. you can’t help but run your thumb over km’s puffy lips. they were already plump, but kissing accentuates them.

he lets out a new sound at the contact. one he’s never made before. hip lips part a bit more, inviting your thumb to push further. a little more pressure has him taking it into his mouth. he lets his tongue travel around it, sucking slightly.

donghyun’s ears perk up with the sound. he pulls away to see what’s happening. kyungmin sucking your thumb was not what he expected. “oh.”

silence fills the air. it invites you to speak. “you did a good job donghyunnie. if i didn’t know any better, i’d say you’d kissed dozens of people.”

he gives a shy smile and takes in the scene. he’s almost fully hard in his shorts. kyungmin looks like a wreck. just from a little kissing.

“you want me to help you take it a little further?” km looks at you with shiny eyes. “would you?”

“of course! i’ll always help you with whatever you need, minnie.” you say as if it were so obvious. “do you want to see what it’s like to get head from a girl? or has donghyun already shown you that?” you’d be lying if you said that you hadn’t thought about this before.

“no! i don’t want him. i want you to.” donghyun grips his chest in mock-agony. “wow, thanks.” you guide him off your lap, adding to his pain.

kyungmin sits against the couch’s armrest. you settle yourself between his little thighs. he lifts his hips to slide his shorts to his knees easily.

his cock springs into the air once freed. he’s fully hard now. you touch his thigh to get his attention. “can i touch you, minnie?” he nods quickly. “yeah. yeah, please.”

he’s already leaking by the time you get to him. trailing your fingers up his thighs and flashing him a cute set of eyes didn’t do anything to calm him down.

you wrap a hand around him, easing him in to the experience. his teeth catch his bottom lip. you let him jerk up into your hand, but lay the other hand on his hip, pressing down as a warning.

it’s then when you remember the other boy in the room. “bored back there, keumie?”

“no, i’m watchin’ you.” you start moving your hand up and down, alternating pressure with each stroke. this draws a sound from kyungmin’s lips.

“well, wouldn’t you rather fuck me?”

he doesn’t say anything at first, too shocked to speak. instead, he presses himself behind you. “fuck, yeah.” you finally give kyungmin what he’s been looking for and wrap your lips around him.

you don’t expect dh to yank your shorts down, but he does. he doesn’t waste time exposing you. the last thing on his mind is a condom. he lines up with your entrance and slides himself in right away.

you let out a surprised sound around kyungmin. it travels through him and falls off his lips as a moan.

the position creates a perfect path for his cock. it slides in and rubs its’ tip against your swollen g-spot. beginner’s luck.

kyungmin whines when his cock falls out of your mouth. he’s been fisting the couch for the duration of his experience. now that his balls are full, he’s desperate for your touch. he drags your hand to his cock once again. your nails make contact with his head, making him jerk away.

you take the hint, mouthing the tip of his cock once again. you strive to please him, even though you want nothing more than to relish in your pleasure. donghyun’s cock hits the right spots inside you. his hips snap with purpose, to bring him to his orgasm.

it’s doesn’t take him long. kyungmin’s orgasm catches him off guard, finishing with white spurts that cover your cheek. his girly whines are enough to satisfy donghyun. he cums soon after, letting himself finish on your back.

you give breathless kyungmin a rough squeeze on his thigh. his carelessness left you with an unexpected facial. the squeal he lets out is his payment.

“clean her up.” donghyun commands. he doesn’t want a mess on his couch. kyungmin starts to move. “i’ll get a towel for you.”

“no.” your confused reactions urge him to elaborate. “use your mouth, minnie. i don’t want a mess.” he says this all while wiping you down with his shirt. he doesn’t need one, anyway.

a furious blush takes over his face. he doesn’t say anything. he just leans down and kisses your cheek, following with a drag of his tongue. he stills, to swallow, then repeats the actions.

“attaboy. i cant have a stain on my couch now, can i?” it’s a rhetorical question, but kyungmin whispers an answer anyway.

“no. i’m sorry.”

anyway. yes i love my 03z. i think they would be such a fun pair to have a threesome w. donghyun loves making fun of his little kyungminnie.

[bleedchan]

went through all my weed way quicker than i was expecting 😵‍💫 on the bright side if i can come up with just $5 i’ll have enough for weed again lol. kms

vivian burning through all her weed too quickly is a common theme, but lately it’s been because, well… a couple months ago (thanks to acid) i realized i’m into a Really Bad fictional thing, and i started being able to have a libido again and stuff. like prior i thought i was asexual or it was my hormones or something because i was going like 3 months without masturbating etc, lol.

without getting into it i don’t think i’m harmful because like i’m extremely meek and i find irl humans repulsive and i don’t like the idea of even talking about it with other people or externalizing it because i can barely get past the feeling of being into something so enthusiastically universally loathed long enough to be able to like stimulate myself to completion. like when you get abused (especially sexually abused) it really messes you up sometimes, and like, unfortunately it’s been a long, long struggle only to figure out that the only way i can cum anymore is to like seclude myself in a locked room by myself and quietly think about my disgusting thing lol

i don’t even like hinting at it or anything. like without being dramatic i think it would be extremely easy to get me to kill myself, and unfortunately my brain got changed by sexual abuse such that something i really don’t want to get horny about is just about the only thing that works lol. it’s honestly really funny in a cosmic sense. like the way things have gone in my life thus far i think i either really pissed off god in a past life, or he has a really insane sense of humor and this will all somehow be worth it if i just tough it out and don’t be harmful until i die naturally. like we’ll both just laugh and laugh

but anyway, i already felt disconnected from everyone due to being fundamentally weird/damaged and that’s definitely intensified lol. it’s not something i want to try to cure or redirect either because it’s like literally the first signs of life after having a completely dead libido and just going through the motions or letting myself get lovebombed and manipulated and fucked by random horrible guys for years. like either i can have orgasms and afterglow again or i can go back to never experiencing sexual pleasure on top of how horrible my life already is. i’d honestly prefer genital mutilation and suicide at that point lol. like what’s the fucking point of anything. almost everyone would enthusiastically agree i should kill myself for having a yucky cartoon fetish due to abuse and if i internalized that as the morally correct stance like what’s the fucking point, i should just start a gofundme to buy a shotgun and one shell and just kill myself now, right? idk. i feel awkward even trying to advocate for the idea that i shouldn’t kill myself, and i’m not sure how i’m supposed to not internalize feelings like that unless i completely avoid social media

on top of that i’ve been a little worried i have something like bile duct cancer lol. the gi couldn’t rule it out and while her bedside manner was fantastic and she didn’t bring that up and she reassured me for a long time, i still have to get a bunch of imaging done soon lol. like hopefully it’s nothing, but if that happens on top of everything (bile duct cancer is apparently super incurable lol) then i’ll be convinced i’m part of some big cosmic joke.

at least acid seems to help with the trauma and existential agony, so i’m looking forward to shrooms next month. the feeling once a psychedelic trip starts kicking in and it feels like the internal scar tissue is softening and colors and patterns start looking more pretty and i can’t help but laugh because it feels like i’ve been let in on this big cosmic joke and i feel like i’m being petted by god and like i can enjoy things i used to 15 years ago again—it’s really unlike any other substance. it’s definitely what i was looking for the whole time.

weed is kind of more of a bandaid, and a very temporary one. it’s definitely the best readily available thing at least—i have to get blackout drunk to get where i need to be (not uncommon for people with ptsd!) and alcohol is way rougher on your body. with weed i just get really outgoing and annoying and chatty about like art and music, and when i run out i get like chills and nausea and that’s it. and like i’ve tried living sober but i end up not being able to get out of bed or do anything for half a year lol. like not to get too into it but i also have like chronic exhaustion and pain and stuff that doctors just sort of gave up on, so idk if that’s like related to ptsd or depression or whatever. honestly the only things that have worked at all are weed and lsd 😵‍💫

[hyuckswoman]

you shouldn’t have to worry about thinking that about yourself. i might just be a stranger on the internet and honestly i might be projecting a little bit but i need you to understand that your self worth shouldn’t be determined by what a man thinks. especially when i can probably guarantee that you’re 100000000000000 times more attractive than he is. to be honest with you no i don’t have unwavering confidence and sometimes i really wish i did but i feel the same way you do and in feeling that way i really really want to do my best to make sure that no one else feels like that. i know it’s hard not to think about things like that and honestly i might not be the best at giving advice either because i’m usually the person needing it. but trust me that one day you’re going to meet someone who will sweep you off your feet and make sure that you never doubt how they feel about you. and if someone can not give you the reassurance you need and won’t listen when you try to explain how you’re feeling LEAVE. please. i went 19 years of my life without a boyfriend and honestly i wish i never had one at all because the trauma he left me with isn’t worth it. take your time okay? there’s no need to rush at all. i know sometimes you probably feel like everyone around you seems to be moving at a faster pace in their life than you and that’s fine, let them. focus on school and the things that make you happy. surround yourself with people who make you happy and love will find you along the way. and do not let ANYONE pressure you into a relationship when you’re not sure how you feel okay? that’s what happened to me and it’s the biggest regret that i have. left me with so many emotional scars. i just need you to know that there are people who care about you and love you for who you are. people who think that you are beautiful and amazing the way you are. i personally love the way that you write and if i had more confidence i wouldn’t be sending this anonymously, but just like you i have doubts about who i am. i wonder frequently if i’m worthy of being loved and cared for and so i just need you to know that YOU are. be happy okay? i know it’s a hard request but be happy please. just focus on what makes you happy because that’s what you deserve in your life. i wish nothing but the best for you and maybe one day i won’t be messaging this stuff anonymously but as i said i will be here to remind you of how loved you are until then. we might just be strangers on the internet but the world isn’t always an awful place and i love (mostly) the communities in kpop. as i said before keep your head up you’re beautiful. beauty is more than just looks and even then i’m sure you look incredible (i haven’t met a kpop fan that wasn’t beautiful). you know i bet if i was in the same country as you and i saw you at tds3 i’d be like damn they really be looking at fans prettier than me. once again i love you i hope you’re having the best day ever and if you ever need me just ask (use the emoji, i’m lurking daily for story updates 👀) i love you i love you i love you you’re beautiful mwah 🧸

this. deserved a lengthy and thorough response, i apologize if i go all over the place lol

honestly speaking im not the beauty standard where i live so that definitely 1000% didn’t really help and like the lack of crush i’ve had throughout the years made me never think abt if i was pretty or not, like it registered as a fact in my brain that i am not attractive so i never paid mind to it but finding someone i find attractive and having to ig asses myself made me want to kms‼️‼️😁😁

but ig now that we’re here a couple of days later i def think 1000% that it wasn’t that serious and i was just being silly (this is me regretting posting my thoughts on the internet)

nevertheless, thank you for your kind words yet again, i also hope i won’t end up bitchless lol 🙏🙏 (humour‼️‼️‼️)

i hope you’ll feel better about what happened with your ex and im sorry the pressure extended to this point. i sincerely hope you’re doing progressively better as the days go by and that the scars will fully heal (that’s done with time btw so do not fret 🤓)

also! i completely understand being anonymous i mean i am too… so do not worry i fully understand you also don’t know abt the whole finding me pretty but that would be bringing up stuff we’ve alrdy discussed so MOVING ON!

i hope that we can both grow confidence with time enough for it to be unwavering, i sincerely hope only great things for you and wish the best, i also wish i could give back the kindness you’ve shown me and hope that only good things come your way as that’s what you deserve!! thank you for reassuring me despite the response you’ve been gettingggg lov u right backkkkkkkkkm‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️hope you have a great dayyy and you’re also BEAUTIFUL inside and OUT‼️

[khufiya-khaufnak-antariksh]

Itch on the Inside of the bone

A set of voice messages from 11:50 PM, 5 April 2024. 

[ message 1: sounds of car horns ] Hey, hello, hello, helloooooooooo. How are you? I haven’t said much to you in a while, and it’s not like I didn’t have anything to say but I just didn’t, and that’s just how life ends up sometimes, and– 

[ THUD of phone dropping, very quiet, “Nooooo…”] 

[ phone almost gets picked back up, falls again from a height of 38.7 cm ] 

Fuck you, I’m just going to sit down with you if you just– if it just– it loves the ground! It loves the ground, the stupid phone loves the ground, but don’t we all? The ground is great, the ground is– what am I saying, at least there’s no cracks. No cracks in the phone. Okay, okay, that’s nice. 

[ quick, heavy breathing which gradually gets slower; clearing of the throat. ]

Sorry, my– [ message reaches 60 seconds & ends ]

[ message 2: sounds of car horns & wind gust travelling at a speed of 34 km/h ] Sorry, sorry! My hands are shaking. A lot. And I know it’s really late to be out here taking a walk, and you’re already asleep, but I haven’t said anything to you in a while. So I thought I might as well. [ cough, cough ] I’m not drunk or high or anything, I just needed to say something! But– but I don’t know what exactly, since there’s a lot I can say, and, but, you specifically, I had something to say specifically, and– I can’t do this sitting down, I can hear the ground. I can hear all those little motes of dust hitting the ground and, and I guess even if I got up I’d still hear the sound of the wind particles, and– oh, there are so many different particles in the wind and they’re all small, but the particles hitting ground, hitting the ground, that noise bothers me so much more, so much louder. So no ground.

Now, I have something to say to you, but let the wind shut up before I go on. Shut up so I can collect my thoughts.

[ message 3: sounds of faraway barking & wind at 12 km/h ] Better, better, better. So look, I just couldn’t sleep again and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to sleep at all tonight, and so that’s why I’m out here, and there’s no one to really talk to here, but I really, really need to talk. 

See, I don’t believe in ghosts but if I did, I'd tell you one lives here and that it hates me. Lives where I live. And it got in through my nose, and it– okay, so it’s not exactly a ghost, right? I’ve just heard so many people call them that; whatever these things are, called them ghosts. But they’re not the same, it’s not a dead person haunting my flat, but it’s a something. A SOMETHING which can SNEAK inside of you and– see, listen, I’ve heard people say it’s a god too, it could be anything, it could be G– listen to me. The POINT. The point is it makes your brain itch from the inside, makes your bones itch. 

[ message 4: sounds of heavy breathing ] When the ghost first got me, I started thinking I had hollow bones. Like a bird. Just out of nowhere I started thinking that, because the ghost wanted me to or something. Maybe because sometimes I see an eagle from the window, and the sunlight burns it gold. And when I saw it, I’d always, always wish to understand every single aspect of its life, all its senses, but then I’d feel how old and wrapped up in “normal” living I am. So how could I understand the eagle? A child could understand it more easily, children are closer to other animals than anyone else, because they're less wrapped up in life. No, no, not less wrapped up, but they're wrapped up in something different. More basic instincts. More raw senses. 

But see, now, NOW I think I can understand the eagles. I feel every particle of wind, and even every particle of still air feels so LOUD on my skin. It’s so LOUD, I can’t sleep! I can’t sleep, maybe I’ll never sleep ever again!

I know there’s no one who– [ message reaches 60 seconds ]

[ message 5: sounds of breathing & wind, indistinguishable ] I hate how the maximum length of these messages is 60 seconds, how the fuck do you have a conversation like this? I guess you don’t, you just don’t, because this isn’t a conversation. Maybe instead of starting this… conversation, or I’m yelling at you and also no one, I don’t know what this is. But instead of starting it, I should’ve just gone down on my knees and started digging! Dig in the dirt and go down and– and, and I wouldn’t bury myself, but I’d just stand around down there. I’d need something to block out the wind, yes, but it’s not burial if I just stand in a little cave, right? It would be so quiet. So quiet in there. 

I know there’s no one who can stay awake forever. But at this rate, I don’t know. I’ll be the ‘no one’ if something doesn’t… if something doesn't… I don’t know. I just don’t know.

[ message 6: sounds of crickets and a few car horns here & there ] I wanted to stop myself from telling you about the so-called ghost, because maybe it would go away if no one knew. People who call it a ghost, people who call it a god, people who call it a, a shapeless monster… all of them agree that, if you don’t think about it, and if you don’t believe in its existence, it will go away.

They were wrong. Sure, I thought about it sometimes, but I never believed. I never believed it was a ghost. Is it some type of chemical or did someone poison me specifically or what? What if it has nothing to do with the flat? I’ve had moments in other places too, moments & states which… is a ghost’s embrace cold or warm? I used to like how chill the breeze felt, but it’s all a bunch of stings of air particles so I can’t even feel the temperature much, the temperature seems meaningless. What would your embrace be, cold or warm? Cold or warm? 

[ message 7: sounds of quiet breathing, close to your face (too close) ] You must be warm right now, sound asleep. I know you used to have a ghost, but then you got rid of it. Or at least, it disappeared. And you never called it a ghost. You never called it anything, never talked about it. Maybe it’s still there? I don’t know. It’s hard to tell with you, you slept so soundly even when there was definitely a ghost. Were you calm or were you just exhausted?

I wish I could talk about these things face-to-face and calmly but I can't, how do you speak calmly? There's nothing to be calm about but you’re still calm, and I wonder if it’s in the bone structure. If I got to look inside your bones, I could tell if you’re TRULY calm or if you’re just– look, look, see, I never see you around anymore and now I’m suspicious: did the ghost actually leave? Or did it just… 

[ message 8: ] The only reason I can think of such things — about anything besides the static — it’s because the wind has calmed down. 

But if it picks back up, it’ll be noisy again and my bones will itch and itch and I’ll be taken entirely by the ghost, and I’ll just be the ghost and a mass of bone, I’ll be a mass of itchy bone.

I hope that’s not what happened to you. That’s what my crazy suspicions were about. I know, right? I’m overthinking, because you really are just naturally that calm. And it’s just a coincidence that you’re gone. That’s EXACTLY the situation, and you’re laughing at my stupid theory and thinking how the, how, “oh, your walls just had toxic gases, you’ll be alright in a few hours”, and you’re laughing.

And you’re right. I like to imagine you listening. You’re listening now and you’re absorbing some of the noise for me. You do so much without even being here. You make my staticky nerves calm down.

But it only lasts for a few moments. 

I need a better solution. 

[ message 9: sounds of the ground, every tiny dirt particle’s movement. ] Okay, alright, we’ll be okay and I’ll just be telling you a few last things before I stop for the night. Then I'll turn my phone off. You shouldn’t use screens before going to sleep, right? Right. 

I think a week of being down there should help me. I hope you hear these by that time. Maybe you’re too busy to bother, but… well, I’m busy too, and I’m possessed, and that’s not a good excuse for me not to keep in touch so I don't see why YOU– but no, that is a good excuse to ignore people, and I have been ignoring people and ‘possession’, is it even possession if it’s not technically ‘dead people’ ghosts and– no, no, that’s all besides the point. 

I just want you to know I'm fine. I will be fine. You know that. God, my hands shake. God could be the ghost instead, the ghost could be a god, but it’s alright, I’ll be alright no matter what it is because I'll just fall asleep for a bit down there. I feel like removing my bones and cleansing  them from the inside out, fixing them and making them a little more like yours, but maybe I don’t need to do that at all. Rest will help! I haven’t been able to rest at all but I’ve found a way to do it, so I will do it, and even if it DOESN’T help, well, I've still EARNED the rest, right? Even if I stay like this forever, even if I die like this, I've– 

[ a gust of wind & a scream & thud of the phone & the scream cut short by a slap to the face, then another,  then a punch to the jaw, then nothing. ]

[ the air is still. ]

[ a voice from far, far away. ]

I have earned some stillness.

[blood-loving-leech]

Reasons why @/deadvxmp was a shitty boyfriend

He was my best friend from fall of 2021 until fall of 2022

Last october he tried to kill himself, when i freaked out and started crying my sister heard me and told my moms friend who was watching us that night who then tried to call emts like ANY PERSON WOULD WHEN A KID IS TRYING TO KILL THEMSELVES

And so he said I was “making his attempt about me” yeah my bad for worrying about your fucking LIFE AND SURVIVAL DAMN he just wanted me to not feel any emotions abt his death ig

After that everything kinda went downhill with my then-girlfriend and I wasn’t sure about if I should break up with her since she was my only friend and everyone else was just friends by extension through her but he convinced me to break up with her knowing full well she was my only irl friend

In january, he ghosted me for a week and a half when I visited california, when I got back I tried to kms and he decided without talking to me that it was his fault and that i’d kms if he left which he is now using against me saying I explicitly threatened to kms if he left me and claiming that that was emotional manipulation on my part

At this point I think he was only friends with me because of that and he was supposed afraid of me, then in february he asked to call me his boyfriend?? which why would you ASK THAT if you don’t even like the person fuck you

After my attempt, my mother grew suspicious of the college student we were both friends with (for some reason, Misha seems to think I had something to do with it but I have no clue what her though process was) and effectively ended up getting them (college student) cut out of our lives, said student was regrettably Mishas fp and so when we found out it was my mom back in june he blamed me and spent months guilting me over it and making it very clear that it was “all my fault” for trying to kms in the first place until we broke up

sometime in the spring he literally taught me how to purge and yet he blames me for worsening his eating disorder despite me telling him not to abuse the laxatives when he first got them and trying to convince him to eat more and telling him i’d love him no matter what he looked like but SURE i’m the one who encouraged his ed because he thought i’d only like him if he was skinny even though i never said anything of the sort

he also blamed me for treating him like a child every time he misunderstood something and I tried to explain myself because he said it made him feel stupid and generally just told me to shut up every time i tried explaining myself

he never said he loved me first, undoubtedly because he never actually loved me, and he said he didn’t believe i loved him so i spent our entire relationship trying to prove my love to him until finally i realized he was putting in no effort to love me and i stopped trusting him (he broke up with me like literally one week after i said “i don’t believe you anymore”)

when i realized i had issues that were affecting our relationship i went to therapy for them and my therapist said “yeah you could work on some stuff but he also has to learn to trust you as his boyfriend” and i told him that and he said he could try and then like two days later said “yeah i lied actually im never going to trust you i just wanted you to think id try” like WTF

when he broke up with me he said it was to “take the strain off our friendship” since we’d been arguing almost all the time and i said he’d have to give me some time because DUH he was breaking up with me and that fucken hurt but then i literally had no other friends so i went back to him and said we could be friends and he told me basically to fuck off and take some time to figure stuff out while he talked to his friends about stuff and so two days later when he blocked me everywhere i asked what was going on and he was like “my friends all say you’re a shitty person and i prefer not talking to you so leave me alone and never talk to me again” and then blocked me some more

so in heartbroken confusion i wanted to figure out what he thought i did that was so shitty by waiting for him to post stuff abt it on his tumblr but then he started going off about how i was ableist and encouraged his eating disorder and physically abused him even though he lives in alaska and i live in washington and its literally closer to mexico than it is to him but yeah sure i totally did all that

so i got angry and did dumb things and went off on him and called him names i knew he hated and all sorts of shit to which he responded by telling all our mutual friends that i did all those things that i didn’t unless i have complete fucking amnesia so there goes the few sorta friends i still have and i still wanted to know what i supposedly did wrong and obviously i did more dumb shit that got out of hand and now he’s sending people to tell me to kms and people to threaten to kill me which i actually wish they would do but he chose to be mutuals with cowards who won’t actually hike butt over to gig harbor and stab me

are we both terrible people? maybe yes. i know i’ve made mistakes but he certainly isn’t innocent

i’ve done things wrong but the whole time we were dating i hand made him gifts and jewelry and sent him tea bags and told him i loved him multiple times every day and wrote him poems and drew fanart of his ocs and fawned over how cute/handsome he was and how good his sense of fashion was and encourage his career dreams and assure him i loved him and i planned to move with him to college and then canada and get shots to fix my cat allergies so we could have cats and i broke the rules and almost got kicked out of my favorite summer camp because he asked me to and he never said he loved me and the only compliment he could ever muster was “v snazzy” so i don’t think it’s much of a question of who loved who here

the difference is i only ever wanted to figure out my mistakes while he decided it was appropriate to send people to tell me to kms

[thinkingoutloud92]

I think i’ve been lying to myself

So I google my problems sometimes, right.

The past 3 weeks, I’m pretty sure he has “hid” my instagram/facebook stories. I think it’s because I only post happy, happy things. I didn’t know what it meant, so I googled it. And this is the resposne post that resonated with me the most. Also similar to what my batchmate said.

Friends keep telling me regarding him: Move on, forget him.

Friend KT: “Avoid everything that won’t help you move on.”

Friend KM: “He’s a walking red flag. Whatever the reason is, why would you let go of someone you love so easily?”

Friend PM: “Sketchy, he should have talked to you about it first.”

And as expected, it’s all easier said than done. I thought I’d be OK 1 month after — but here I am, 6 weeks after, and still, totally relapsing again.

People keep telling me shit about him. Ill things, “fake” things, things that aren’t even confirmed. And I keep telling them — and I will keep choosing this — I will choose to be the bigger person, I will chose kindness and I will choose love. I refuse to be a hypocrite, and I refuse to be bitter. I will choose understanding and I will choose patience, because that’s who I am.

He’s… probably hurting just as much. That’s how I remember him; it absolutely killed him before to hurt me. Before, he’d always want to make me happy. We were always together. Maybe.. to the point that he hid all these ill feelings related to us possibly breaking up for so long. We were so safe, so fit, and so set. We hardly fought. Yet it all… backfired. Yes that was his mistake, but one he never expected nor intended. He broke up with me because he was guilty of how he felt.

He’s… very picky with his romantic partners. I’m 150% sure, it will take him a long time to move on. (As history does repeat itself) especially knowing that he was the one at fault. Doing what he did… absolutely broke him, shattered him. His reputation, his values, his everything. He has… a lot of things to figure out.

If you had to ask me what I think he’s thinking now … being the person who knows him the most out of everyone: He muted me because seeing me happy torments him. He muted me so he won’t regret his decision; because he truly thinks that I don’t deserve this; that I don’t deserve someone unsure of me.

He is right. I don’t deserve it. But… I love him. Love? Loved? Either of those.

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.” — Corinthians

When I told him I loved him 3 years ago, this is what I meant. You can’t… unlove someone. I’m not a hypocrite and I meant the love I gave him. What kind of person would I be if I only said “I love you” and never followed through when times get hard?

I’m keep telling all my friends and family I’m OK. I’m strong. I’m worth so much more than how he treated me, and what he’s done. Bahala siya. Na di ko siya hihintayin, di ko siya ineexpect.

But… I quote, “Love is patient, and love is kind.” For now, going 2 months post-break-up — I will be patient. And I will be kind. I’ll.. give him time, and give him space. I will not hate him. I will not talk ill. He is a good man. If he’s still who I think he is — and I’m sure he is — then we will talk it out properly when he’s ready, and we will rejoice in the truth, whatever the outcome will be.

Love also forgives. For 3 years, I had no reason to doubt him. And now, for this one moment; why should this one moment define the past 3 years? It should not.

But like the Quora poster said above — “Don’t put your life on hold for it.” — This one is the love for me. I definitely won’t. But even if I live my life, he will be at the back of my mind for a long time. Even if I deny it everyday. The days have been getting easier, but the wounds are still there.

ON MOVING ON

Putting this here because I loved hearing it:

Friend AR: “Engage in the moving on phase! This is the fun part of your life.”

Yes. It is. Time to enjoy and explore, but I’ll probably do this slowly. Everyday, I will still have every intention to move on in my life. After all, anything can happen.

[punch-a-tree]

oh boy

This about to be a terrible terrible post LMFAO

so

I met you 8 months ago, back in November. I didn’t think anything of you. I just noticed you were conventionally pretty and didn’t think you’d ever have interest in talking to me

6 months ago in Jan, we started to chat at work on occasion, i don’t remember thinking anything of you much tbh, but I wish to remember what was going through my mind

4 months ago, in March, we first hung out. I thought you were pretty chill, was down to get to know you, mostly bc my other work friends would talk to you and I wanted to too. We started hanging out regularly after this.

1 month ago in June, after being friends for 3 months already, I caught myself thinking about you a little too much. We’d hang, we’d chat, but suddenly one day we just started texting a lot, and I caught myself being a little too eager to talk to/ see you than just any of my friends.

Oh shit, I realized, am I developing some sort of feelings here. SHIT.

So now, it’s been a month, that I’ve noticed/realized I like you. We’ve become good friends. Close friends. We text all the time, we see eachother often. And with every week that has passed, I keep falling for you too much.

I don’t even know what to say/ or do. You are clearly, so so pretty. So painfully pretty it makes me want to kms sometimes because I’m nowhere in your league. Yet you’re still my friend.

So painful since, I see people fall for how pretty you are all the time around you. So much you’re extremely uncomfortable by it. Yet I didn’t fall for just your looks. I feel for you.

I fell for how you text me all the time. I fell for you how you invite me to hang out with your friends so often. I fell for you how we laugh about the same things all the time. I feel for you how we jam out to the same music. I fell for how adventurous and spontaneous you are like me. And on top of that you are so so gorgeous.

But I’m just your fun friend. A person you trust, and feel comfortable around. A person to rely on. A person you can vent your problems to. A person you can confide in when random people hit on you and you don’t like it. That’s why that can’t ever be me.

——

I’ve met many people that I’ve liked/ crushed on over the years. Some I did for months/ years. None of them did I even feel vibed on the same level as me. You make me set a standard for what I would look for in a future partner. The humour, spontaneity, the consideration and care for people around you.

I say that because I know that will never be you. You are too pretty to ever want me. Too wild to ever settle for me. All I can be is your good friend.

And a good friend I am. Id do anything for you. I already do what I can for you. I pick you up and drop you off places. I take you anywhere you want to go. I do anything you want to do. Id do anything for you.

I’m scared you will catch on. Notice how I’m always there for you. Notice how I’m always so eager to reply to you. Notice how I’d do anything for you. The last thing I want is for you to notice. Because I know that would put you off, after all the trust you put in me for being just a good friend. But I cannot help myself but be all I can be for you.

I’m pretty fucked, I’m pretty doomed. I’m stuck here waking up every morning waking up thinking about you. Waiting for your message. Stuck here falling asleep to the thought of you. I cannot help it. I’m whipped for nothing.

All I can do is pray and hope one day someone as pretty, funny, charming, and chill just like you will cross my path and fall for me.

Because you won’t. You have your whole life still to live and explore. And I won’t be a bigger part of it than a good friend. And I have to learn to live with that.

It’s just so fucking hard when I can’t stop thinking about you every second of every day. It’s so messy. My feelings are so fucked up.

But I just gotta live through it, and wish for the best. Feelings like this are so rough, because everytime I’m around you in person all I wish and imagine is to hold you tight, kiss your cheeks, and brush my fingers through your hair.

But unfortunately I can’t do that. So I admire you from a slight distance. And wish to meet anyone as cool as you one day.

All I can do is wish and wait. Youre so precious, you break my heart. Shatter it. Somehow I’ll live through it.

Idk how, but I will.

[peachinspiration]

This is my first day officially moved out and with a rented room in a friend’s house with my brother and I am so so terrified and paranoid, I don’t wanna fuck things up cuz I CANNOT go back with my parents, I’d rather kms. Like I have never felt this much real anxiety in a long time and I almost wanna cry but I’m not. I’m just so terrified. My tarot cards said the job I applied to will accept my brother and I, so I’m not so worried about that, but fuck man having to Uber to and back until we afford a car (after finally being able to complete drivers ed) is fucking terrifying to me idk.

I’m upset that I feel so paranoid and anxious, cuz I really thought when I moved out I’d feel freedom for the first time in forever, but no I’m fucking terrified help. But at least it shows me how much actual pain I need to overcome, cuz all of this feels like uhh ok so yk how it’s like when you get attacked and run you’re completely numbed out but when you finally find a resting spot all of it catches up at full force?? That’s how it feels rn. Except it’s like leaving a lifelong toxic home situation, I’m not used to it and I’m insanely antsy. I’m just really scared of fucking up.

I plan to apply for EBT and to check on the waitlist for me to get on adhd meds, and once hired I plan to hire a driver instructor since I still have nobody who can help otherwise. I sorta feel alone in this idk why, but I’m sure I’ll be ok. My cards told me to hear from others’ experiences of going through the same thing to help myself here and it’s right as usual.

Ok whew yea this feels good to write about cuz I finally feel myself calming down. I haven’t been able to actually journal write or anything in a long time and it’s just been choppy twt priv vents but yea again this is really therapeutic.

But ya idk I’m scared, but at the same time I know I’ll be okay deep down. Another thing I’m excited about is that with money saved up, I’ll be able to finally travel to see my bf without anyone stopping me :•) I’ll go to Chile without having to be interrogated about it or prevented from traveling there!! My brother said he may even wanna come with me. So I’m very excited about that. I’ll have to hurry up on my Spanish studies tho and begin to speedrun learning the Chilean dialect and accent haha thankfully I have my bf for that.

I think when I’m more settled in I’ll finally write that paragraph of educating to that one person I called out for being racist recently then block them after since I don’t wanna deal with anymore mess. It’s just too uncomfortable to deal with.

At the same time tho, life does feel super different. My past life feels very far away now, but now I’m stuck with all sorts of emotional baggage from it. It’s kinda making me realize how hurt and vulnerable I truly am from it. My older sister probably felt the same way when she was kicked out at 18. God I really don’t know what to expect. Maybe I’ll consult my cards about it since I have most of them with me now. I still have some things leftover back at the house but it’s ok. Maybe I’ll make myself a blessing jar.

I already miss my dog though. That’s a part that REALLY sucks cuz of how close we are to her. I miss her really badly and feel kinda sick over it :^( her mental health gets affected whenever my brother and/or I are separated from her and she’s also old and gonna be 14 sometime this year. I’m not worried about her passing on cuz she’s still very active and runs fast and has energy and still acts like a baby though. But man I want her so badly.

I’m terrified of appearing like a burden around here and I’m terrified of my friend or her parents hating me cuz I’m so used to people I live with hating on me in some way and treating me degradingly. I kinda wish I could just shut everything off for a moment and be somewhere timeless for as long as I want to let everything out then come back lolol like yk time stopping. I hope I make more friends. I’ve kinda gone through a huge irl friend purge in the recent years especially as I came to further terms about being trans. Also a lot of people turned out to be completely nuts now. Like how my childhood “best” friend slowly showed more and more abusive tendencies. First toward me and then toward everyone else, to the point of actually threatening lives all cuz this guy wouldn’t love her back.

Oh also wow crazy the moon is full in two days. Fun stuff I’d better prepare for it since I finally have the freedom to. I hope I have my lighter packed with me, I think I have my matches.

[pedrito-is-punk]

Not gonna pretend like I don’t love the tiny tag games every week besties.

do you make your own bed? No, but I don’t let my sheets get all crazy. Like if I move/roll in the middle of the night I will hold my sheets up, roll, and then lay them back on myself. So when I get up it’s just the blanket moved back from where I got up, if that makes sense.

favorite number? 44. It’s an inside joke between me and my best friend that we made up in high school, so it’s stuck for both of us.

what's your job? “Patient Care Coordinator” for an optometrist. So essentially a glorified receptionist, but I also do lots and lots and lots of insurance verification and filing insurance. I dream about insurance unfortunately.

if you could go back to school, would you? I don’t know. Short answer is probably no because I have thought about what I’d go back for and I just don’t know. Also I did 3 years of college right after high school and I wanted to kms 👹 sooo bad. For more reasons than just school, but lots of trauma around college and going back to college. Also I can’t write a coherent essay to save my life. Thank god I don’t write fanfic💀

can you parallel park? No🤗

can you drive a manual car? Also no😇

do you think aliens are real? Yes👽

tattoos? None yet, but I have plans. Mostly bug tattoos. I love bugs.

favorite color? Pink and Lilac

do you like puzzles? No because it requires lot of concentration and sitting still and focusing (I feel like) and it’s very tedious and all of that makes me want to crawl out of my skin.

any phobias? Holes, water that I can’t see through, being out with no migraine meds or chapstick, leaving my house with no glasses or contacts. Also having control taken from me/the thought of not being in control of myself?? I don’t like to be a passenger in a car because what if you crash us and kill me? Only I can crash me and kill me on accident. You know?? Don’t worry I’m in therapy👹

favorite childhood sport? None. I was not an athletic child nor did I care to be😂 My favorite thing to do was read the phone book and listen to Johnny Cash CDs

do you talk to yourself? All day. I have to talk myself through things, like give myself step by step directions to keep myself on task sometimes.

❤️Tagging:

@crazytxgradstudent @indie-cision @jolapeno @joelspeach @mrsmando @mountainsandmayhem @punkshort

Bonus: My sweet handsome baby son after bath time today. Please note the hair on the door, wall, and floor because he thinks if he rubs his wet body on things he will be dry.

question tag game!

Thanks for the tag 💕 @itwasntimethatdidit40 @thundermartini @ace-turned-confused and @deviseren !!

i once again am reminiscing about myspace and xanga surveys heheheh

do you make your own bed? i wake up late and don't look back as i launch out of bed most days, so no

favorite number? 8? 7? 36? 2? idk man they all got their own vibes i don't discriminate (except for 51 being divisible by 17 that feels against nature somehow)

what's your job? to be non-specificish, manage a program that works with court-involved and incarcerated youth

if you could go back to school, would you? i usually make it about 3 years max before i go back to school to change career fields, i get bored or disillusioned and also struggle with finding something interesting enough to dedicate so many hours of my life into and have it also pay the bills

can you parallel park? daily, street parking only at my place unfortch

can you drive a manual car? never tried, tho i was very concerned about this for a solid year to the point where i had dreams that i had to figure it out to save everyone?? eventually i just decided i knew how to in my dreams so??

do you think aliens are real? gotta be

what's your guilty pleasure? hm, i try to own and embrace all the weird things like @ace-turned-confused said, especially if i think they're funny!

tattoos? some japanese trad, american trad/sorta neo trad, working on filling up the rest of my arms when i get the $

favorite color? black, and also yellow

do you like puzzles? sure, i like games with puzzles like zelda, or like jigsaw puzzles? fun to do with friends, hard to focus on alone

any phobias? I'd if it counts but the sound effects of limbs snapping in movies, like when it's a horror movie and all the limbs snap in the wrong directions - NASTY that shit gives me lingering intrusive thoughts hahaha

favourite childhood sport? i am the least competitive person ever. i liked floor hockey? i showed horses for a few years, not like dressage or anything fancy- but rather the most boring of all equestrian events (to watch) western pleasure!

do you talk to yourself?

I forgot to answer this one the first timeeee, um in my head always? Not as much out loud, but I will talk to the dogs heheh.

no pressure tags : @auteurdelabre @gothcsz @lovely-vamp-princess

@moodstabilizr @magneticecstasy @hoelaris

@swankyorange @mermaidgirl30 @thischarmingmandalorian

@victorian-cherub if y'all haven't yet

have some free memes for reading:

[fappellmoan]

ok. we can all agree for various reasons the writing of the steve/nancy/jonathan/murray situation was annoying in s2. and weird, given that they’re teenagers, which we might forget since they all look a bit older. even if you argue it wasn’t a clean and clear breakup between stancy it was done for the narrative. bear with me i know literally everything is for the narrative so that’s redundant. they’d been hinting since s1 that something with steve and nancy wouldn’t click and the Barb of it all just made this worse.

(i also think if my best friend died when i was 15/16 and i felt guilty for that i’d probably be a little weird when it came to the relationship with the guy i was hooking up with when she disappeared, even if i really liked him, because you know, i’d be 15 and my brain is not exactly at its most mature and that’s super traumatic.)

have you people ever watched tv shows where through one couple kind of failing you see how another clicks well? and it sucks that it’s sort of emotional cheating but it just is a way of writing? like. that sort of storytelling is used for grown adults who don’t always handle it well and you want this 16 yr old to be perfect. 16 year olds often have fleeting non-perfect relationships. tell me, quickly, how perfect you wanted this to be given everything else going on in the series? yeah st is a popular show but first thing you learn is you gotta cut shit in a script that isn’t really that integral, so, this was seen as their best way to condense it and get the point across.

anyway, all this to say, i don’t think nancy’s writing is perfect, i don’t like when she’s just a gun girl #feministgirlboss. i don’t like that that’s how they chose to develop her character esp in later seasons. i don’t love anything about the love triangle. but i think if you’re coming up with all these convoluted reasons about how fucked up and manipulative and evil she is and how she just uses and abuses people for her own good and also saying there’s nothing about her family or the barb situation or anything that could be complicating things for her, and you’re saying this without taking even half a second to think through it, and also, you’re like in your 20s talking about this teenage girl, the call is coming from inside the house. sorry. go to therapy? talk about the mean girl bullying you endured in high school and get over yourself…

also. it’s been two seasons. can we shut the fuck up about that. like ever. if people were still talking about all the ways i was annoying in my 16 year old relationship and the times i wasn’t perfect i’d want to kms. it’s time to let it go

AND. one more thing. if it was steve you would. you WOULD be considering all the reasons that he acted the way he did. in fact, you guys love to talk about how steve should be forgiven for calling the byers a bunch of queers and attacking jonathan while his baby brother was missing because he had good development. that’s great. steve and nancy did talk a bit near the end of season2, obviously not for long because will was literally actively possessed and desperately trying to communicate and so their breakup wasn’t the most important thing in the world. she showed she’s not a complete bitch with the sweet snow ball dancing with dustin moment. unrequited love sucks but i’m pretty sure they sorta made up as much as you can in that situation. you literally just hate that she got with steve and u didn’t i’m sorry…

i’m not saying everything you people say is because of misogyny. i’m not saying nancy has never done anything wrong (well sometimes i do 💖). i’m not saying i only like nancy because she is a Woman and she is a Girlboss and she Has Gun and whatever. she is a flawed character but you guys take that to an extreme saying she’s this conniving selfish person. and i think you could do to take a look inward and not constantly point fingers at nancy fans saying we’re superficial idiotic white feminist types who just aren’t smart enough to engage with media the way you do. shut the fuck up <3 for once!

[2-cute-4-school]

𝚗𝚌𝚝 𝚍𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚖 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚌𝚛𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚠𝚑𝚒𝚕𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚞𝚍𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚎𝚡𝚊𝚖𝚜

requested by anonie:  hi if you’re taking requests could you do an NCT Dream reaction to you crying while studying for exams because you’re stressed? thank you !

Mark Lee

my boi understands the STRESS

he debuted like 6 times and he has more comebacks and schedules than he can count bby is so overworked sometimes  °(ಗдಗ。)

i think you’re probably each other’s safe places

whenever mark catches sight of you he just buries himself in your arms and all his stress and worries melt away as he breathes in your familiar scent (.づ◡﹏◡)づ.

your hugs? his best medicine

so when he finds you trying to muffle your cries in your hands, hunched over open textbooks, a mess of pens and littered papers around you

his heart breaks just a lil (*>_<*)

why didn’t you come to him?? or at least call him??? don’t you trust him?? is he part of the reason of your tears???? what if-

“mark?” ༶ඬ༝ඬ༶

but as your meek voice calls for him he decides that questions can wait

you are his one and only priority

he dashes to your side and engulfs you in his arms─=≡Σ(づ￣ ³￣)づ

“it’s okay baby, you’ll be fine, i’m here, i’m with you”

you just hide your face in his chest and allow yourself to break into sobs that wrench mark’s poor lil heart while mark caresses your back and head

“just let it all out baby, i’m right here, i’ll always be here”(๑´•д • `๑)

he keeps murmuring comforting words as you slowly run out of tears

once you calm down enough to explain the reason of your breakdown to him, he just presses a kiss to your forehead ლ(´﹏`ლ)

“how about you take a rest for tonight and we’ll talk tomorrow and i’ll find a way to help you through this, hm? does that sound good?”

you make him promise he’ll stay with you for this night he has no objections (ღゝ◡╹)ノ♡

he ends up playing his guitar for you with your head on his lap asfdsfksf until you fall asleep and then spoons you after tucking you in

his softness for you doesn’t prevent him from having a serious discussion with you to make sure you know you can always come to him for anything and then ends up helping you study might end up asking for help as well _(T-T*)

Huang Renjun

this boi seems really chill while at home

so i’d say that he mostly minds his business if you’re busy with school work like he’s probably in a corner painting or sumthin’ the lil artsy fairy that he is (❁´▽`❁)*✲ﾟ*

he does check up on you from time to time to make sure that you’re... you know... alive and breathing?? lol fun times huh

but still, silent comfort IS your love language ∩(︶▽︶)∩

so he kinda assumes that you ALREADY know he’s there for you at any time anywhere in any way you may ever need him

so when he hears a muffled sob from behind the door you’re studying in?

his heart BREAKS ꒰๑˃͈꒳˂͈๑꒱ﾉ*ﾞ̥

but he also doesn’t want to stress you out even more or scare you so he slowly enters the room to find you hunched over your desk

he hesitates for a moment as his chest just clenches in hurt while he watches your shoulders shake with muffled whimpers ˓˓(ᑊᘩᑊ⁎)

so he walks up to you and lays a gentle hand on your shoulder

he waited for a moment to make sure that you’re comfortable with his presence in such vulnerable moments

and the he just ENGULFS you in a firm embrace and you FINALLY get the chance to ground yourself as you let out all of the pent up frustration in the arms of the person you trust the most (๑◕︵◕๑)

he just pats your head and you bury your face in his chest and you just ✨melt✨ into each other

i don’t think he’d say much tbh (´°ω°`)

there’s a silent mutual understanding that all you need right now is someone- him to lean on when you’re too tired to hold yourself upright

as you start calming down he presses a kiss to your head before speaking softly but firmly

“you’re taking a break, come on let’s eat and then we can have a lazy evening for once” ε-(‘ﾍ´○)┓

“but-”

“oh we can finally try out the fluffy blanket we bought together last week”

he AIN’T TAKING NO FOR ANSWER!!! (￣ω￣)

you spend the evening wrapped up in each other under your blanket with a forgotten movie playing in the background while renjun hums a lullaby’s tune in your ear

Lee Jeno

he has a sixth sense for you

you can’t get away WITH ANYTHING ¯\_༼ᴼل͜ᴼ༽_/¯

you stub a toe: aw frick-

jeno, thousands of km away in the middle of rolling his hips into another dimension during practice: something’s wrong ಠ_ಠ

so i think he might notice even before you that you’re kinda breaching your limit

but ba(r)bie isn’t sure how to approach you without offending you since you’re kinda irritable because of the stress ofc he doesn’t blame you

so if he fails to stop you before your breakdown he’s gonna blame himself for sure tho so make sure to reassure him once you’re stable he’s gonna keep a VERY watchful eye over you ( ◉  〜 ◉ ) 

he’s 100% READY to be there for you!!!!!

he has fluffy blankets, your favourite sweets and snacks, your preferred take out place on speed dial in case you’re hungry AND your comfort show prepared  (•̀o•́)ง

what he isn’t prepared tho?

his OWN heart cracking at the sight of your pain and exhaustion (ಗдಗ) 

he LITERALLY CAN’T stop the small whine building up in his chest as he strides over to your side for support

so when you wrap yourself around him like a lil koala, trembling in his hold and muttering through tears that it’s just too much-

his ULTIMATE protectiveness kicks in FULL MODE (ಢ⊱ಢ ｡)

he just scoops you up and burrito wraps you into the gigantic mound of blankets already prepared for you while pressing a lingering kiss to your forehead i promised i’d make it his trademark so here ;)

he *dashes* to bring over all of the snacks AND is already on the phone if you decided you wanted something to eat

basically bf jeno didn’t come to play ║ * ರ Ĺ̯ ರ * ║

spends the rest of the night literally PAMPERING you in anything you need

and most importantly... LOTS OF KITHES AND CUDDLES!!!!( *¯ ³¯*)♡

his baby deserves a chill and lovely night and he’s gonna provide exactly that and the absolute best for you :<

also jeno will gather all of his remaining braincells to help you the next of the day he really seems a smart kid in my opinion

Lee Donghyuck

hyuck is a LOVELY person don’t get me wrong (๑♡⌓♡๑)

but he’s also a tease so he might unintentionally push you to your limits with a few remarks

poor babe really didn’t realize you were going through it

so just imagine his panic once you just burst into tears after what should have been a harmless teasing from him (╬⁽⁽ ⁰ ⁾⁾ Д ⁽⁽ ⁰ ⁾⁾)

“ba-babe? what happened, did i go too far?? i’m so sorry my love, i just-”

he keeps on rambling and you just cry even harder cuz come on hyuck is just such a thoughtful boyfriend

“i’m really sorry y/n, please don’t cry, i’ll do ANYTHING-” ٩(´Д` ;)۶

you try to explain to him that he’s not at fault for your breakdown

obviously it’s not really comprehensible but it’s enough for hyuck to understand once he hears the words ‘stress’ and ‘exhausted’

he simply embraces you as tight as he can and reassures you that humans have their own limits (っ⇀⑃↼)っ

and that taking a break doesn’t invalidate your hard work and dedication

he understands how overworking can affect a person so he knows how to handle the situation

he proposes taking a hot bath once you’ve calmed down and he adds extra bubbles and a really nice smelling body wash (╯✧∇✧)╯

and after that- YOU’RE ON BED REST!! no excuses

if you protest? you wouldn’t dare

stops you with kisses all over your face before fully shutting you up with a soft but firm kiss on your lips o┤*｀3´*├o

you spend the entire rest of the day restrained in his hugs

you really scared him so he became a lil lot clingy 

need to go to the bathroom? he INSISTS to piggyback you there since ‘you need all the rest you can possibly get’ (∪｡∪)｡｡｡

but i reckon you can’t complain since you have the chance to spend some quality time with your also busy boyfriend

my boy will also go to the ends of the world in order to help you the next day to study whether that means burning his own brain or gathering half of nct and his manager to get everything done in time (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و

Na Jaemin

it’s literally NO SURPRISE when i say that he’s PROTECTIVEx1000000 of his loved ones (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧

so why would you even bother to hide anything from him??

it’s LITERALLY no use

he’s a very very doting person and he keeps tabs on you no matter what, sometimes even uncounciously

and if he’s not there physically? NO PROBLEM!!

texts and calls between he two of you are a very common occurence bubs just wants to make sure you’re well and happy (˃̵ᴗ˂̵)

so unless you’re a top class at acting, good luck in trying to play off your stress and tiredness

but let’s say that due to busy schedules and different timetables it somehow gets past him

babe will be so heartbroken (๑´•д • `๑)

his worry topples over as he freezes in your doorway for a moment at the sight of your defeated form and tear-stained papers

BUT he does a good job in keeping his composure because he can’t risk letting his emotions get the best of him when you need him ( •̀ω•́ )

so he just trudges up to you and SMOTHERS you in the tightest hug possible, tucking your head in his shoulder so you could cry freely hidden away from the rest of the world

he coos a few words here and there, encouragements, compliments, reassurement that ‘you’re more than enough, you just need to take a moment to relax and breathe’ ✧˖°ˈ·*ε-(๑˃́ε˂̀๑ )

otherwise, he’ll leave the talk for the next day when you’re rested both physically AND mentally 

after you calm down he helps you put away all your school work you wouldn’t dare oppose him on this for the rest of the day

we all know what’s coming up i’m sorry

COMFORT FOOD!!!! (ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧

he seats you on a kitchen stool while he cooks whatever you need at the moment, anything his baby wants

honestly he just adapts to whatever you need atm

cuddles in silence? works for him!! wanna ramble? there to listen!! want netflix and chill??? absolutely!!!!

Zhong Chenle

sooo from what i’ve gathered he’s not exactly emotional???

but also have you seen this absolute cutie when jisung was crying at the dream show?? babe was trying so hard to comfort his bff but he also seemed uh.. a bit awkward a bit? in a cute way tho!! (๑⁍᷄౪⁍᷅๑)

but i do think he’ll falter once he catches sight of your state!!!!

so many mental debates too!! (๑′°︿°๑)

‘they’re hunched over, did they fall asleep? wait shaking?? is it cold in here????... fuck no was that a sob?? do i... do i go over to comfort them? but how like do i hug or do i talk or..? what if they break up with me??? shit what have i done recently?? i washed the dishes, i cleaned the dog poop, i took out the trash.. it can’t be this’

my boy is going through THE CRISIS OF HIS LIFE (≖ლ≖๑ )

so he reluctantly walks up to you determined to help

but when he reaches you? *brain fart*

ends up patting your head and rubbing your back, but his touch manages to ground you without overwhelming you even further (っ⇀⑃↼)っ

if you end up pulling him into a hug tho, he won’t hesitate to hold you

while comforting you he finally notices your open notebooks filled with messy writing

he feels weirdly relieved that you’re not breaking up with him and neither is it something *tragic*  •(◐﹏◐)•

he’ll let you cry it out before he asks if you’d like some help with your school work he asked fans to send their maths homework so he must be a nerd enough to be able to help you too

but you’re probably too drained（×ω×）  to do anything so you two just settle for a cuddle session under a mountain of blankets

and daegal therapy!!!!!Ｏ(≧∇≦)Ｏ who probably loves you more than chenle and he ends up whining jokingly about it

chenle will probably focus on lifting up your mood with jokes and stories and he’d do anything to cheer you up

he might try to spoil you too 

and he’s not letting you refuse the ton of food he orders since ‘you deserve to fill up your batteries’ ~~旦_(-ω-｀｡)

i’m sorry for your tummies after the ammount of sweets you shared

Park Jisung

ah nct’s certified crybaby(lovingly)

might just start crying with you because if you cry he cries too 

i honestly see him a bit panicky in a delicate situation like this once where he has to deal with *emotions* (｡´>д<)っ彡☆

so he watches from a safe distance at first

literally jisung.exe has shut down

but then poor kid starts feeling guilty about just watching you suffer without helping and comforting you but he’s kinda scared that he’s only gonna make it worse (●’Д’●)

‘come on park jisung think!!! what would-... what WOULD JAEMIN DO!!’

*cue lighbulb going off above his head*

cue calling jaemin and getting scolded for being on the phone with him instead of being by your side but still giving his precious baby advice

jisung probably comes up with a speech before approaching you he’s nervous okay? ┌༼ σ ‸ σ ༽┐

he lays a hand on your head, gently caressing you and just as he takes a breath to start his speech, you just look up to him with THE kicked puppy eyes ༼ つ ◕ ‸ ◕ ༽つ and jisung is A GONER꒰ლ✘ㅿ✘ლ꒱ 

he MELTS into a puddle of uwus and just leans into you, opting for silent comfort and that’s how he found out that cuddles>>>>>>words

he kinda babbles a little while holding you words are hard ya know

he kinda rambles after you calm down too so now you have to calm him down you’re both messes but you’re cute so

so what is the most efficient way to shut him up? peck his lips!!!!

and as he melts into your hold he remembers that ‘wait!! i’m the one supposed to comfort them!!!!’ (•̀o•́)ง

so he throws his nerves out the window for a moment and just cups his entire world your face in his hands and pecks your all over your face

you end up watching some compilations with kitties or something on both your phones untill your batteries die so then you switch to another device gen z behaviour 

he also probably gets a call from jaemin too and you figure out that your puss of a boyfriend had to call his friend in order to help you

so you give him that look <(｀^´)>

let’s say he’s taking you out for brunch the next day AND helping you with your school work