#I’d like to contribute some more to the fandom

[19catsncounting]

I Got Really Into Anti/Proship Discourse And Read +30 Academic Studies - My Findings

(It’s a Yapfest but the whole post is a very long essay and study on morality and fiction and children’s safety and rape culture with a fuckton of freely accessible academic articles and resources on the subject, and I want to talk to other people about it. For a shorter abstract with all the articles and more easily ignored yapping, see my shiny new Carrd:)

It’s been a little shocking lately to have certain discussions with some parts of fandom. I spoke about shipping/harassment and how that contributes to the death of fandom on TikTok assuming that younger folks are just really, really intense about preventing sexual violence, but the more I saw the words “morally wrong” and “disgusting” and “addiction,” the more I thought about this guy-

That’s Jerry Falwell, and I fucking hate this dead guy. You see, Jerry Falwell was a preacher who hated porn, feminism, and homosexuality. And I'm seeing his rhetoric and reworked quotes a lot.

Jerry would say stuff like:

“Pornography hurts anyone who reads it - garbage in, garbage out.”

“Someone must not be afraid to say ‘moral perversion is wrong.’ If we do not act now, homosexuals will ‘own’ America!”

Jerry wanted people to believe that it’s possible to see so much sexual content that it warps your sexuality, because he was gay and wanted to think that was due to thinking about gay sex too much. Jerry did not have a lot of evidence to prove that homosexuality was harmful, so he relied heavily on how “morally distasteful” it seemed to be to suburban Americans.

I spent the majority of my teen years arguing against Jerry’s rhetoric for the right to live as a lesbian online, and I never thought I’d see morality rhetoric in people I’m otherwise very politically aligned with. And I definitely never thought fandom of all things, in all its beautiful subversive glory, would seriously start advocating for censorship, anti-porn, and to consume fanwork with moral purity.

So, I’d like to have a deeper discussion on it, both here on Tumblr and on TikTok, but that does mean checking a few things at the door:

Personal feelings decide your personal life. What you feel is valid for you, not anyone else.

In general, things that do not cause direct and undeniable harm should not be broadly prohibited just because they’re weird or distasteful to the majority of folks. Ex. Loitering does not cause harm and is a tool of systemic oppression.

The discussion of “fictional CSEM” is the most inflammatory fork of this and it is often used to derail these kinds of conversations. This is all I will say on it - the legal status of explicit visual depictions of minors is muddy. In the US, there is just one dude in Utah who pled guilty for possessing explicit lolicon he bought by mail order without also possessing CSEM with real children, and explicit writing about fictional minors has been settled as protected free speech. Dedicated organizations from the NCMEC to Chris Hansen have asked that fictional content is not reported as CSAM as it is not actionable and clogs up finite resources. 90% of NCMEC reports were not actionable last year. There are studies suggesting that virtual CSEM or other non-victim alternatives could reduce actual child harm, but there is need for further research.

We’re all in agreement that untagged NSFW is not cool, and kids deserve kid-only sections of the internet. People who are triggered by or dislike problematic content deserve to be able to not see it. 👍

 (I’ve seen the argument that blocking tags/people should not be required - sorry, PTSD still requires that you manage your triggers, up to and including swearing off platforms just as I have sworn off bars/soap brands/etc to avoid my triggers.)

I have found a lot of accessible and free articles and studies that I will link throughout so that we can discuss the fact-based reasoning, in an effort to have a civil conversation.

(Also because we are not flat earthers, we are Fandom, and if we’re going to be annoying little shitheels in an “Um Actually” contest, we’re going to have the sources to back it up.)

Minors and Explicit Material

I’m not supporting minors engaging with explicit material. I have such little interest in the subject that I’m not even going to bring in articles, but you can feel free to. I personally engaged with explicit material as a preteen of my own free will and did not find it to be harmful, and the majority of people throughout human history have been exposed to explicit material at an early age with varying degrees of harm. There are undeniable legal and harm-driven differences between a 12 year old girl looking at Hustler on her own, a 14 year old boy being sent nudes from a grown woman, and a 6 year old viewing PornHub. (And I think the guardians of that 6 year old should be charged with grooming just like the woman, tbh.)

Personal Disclaimer

I’m an adult survivor of CSA and incest. I’m a happily married adult. I don’t personally like lolicon/shotacon/kodocon. I don’t like kids. I don’t like teens. I’m personally not attracted to underage fictional characters. I have family, the idea of fucking any of them makes me want to throw up and die, so I don’t write or read RPF of my family.

I am really, really fucking intense about preventing sexual violence, supporting survivors, and fandom, which is where this all comes from.

I read and love problematic fiction - my favorites are ASOIAF, Lolita, and VC Andrews. The most “problematic” thing I’ve personally written are Lucifer/Michael fics from Supernatural back in 2012. They are “brothers” in CW Christ, not blood. They do not have any blood.

Gen Z and Online Grooming

In 2002, a survey of 1500 minors from 10-17 found that 4% had been solicited for sexual purposes by an adult online.

In 2023, that number increased to 20%.

While the linked 2023 Thorn report suggests that the vast majority of these inappropriate interactions happened on platforms that allow for interpersonal communication, which by and large minors were greatly discouraged from and had less access to in the early 2000’s, a trauma-informed approach does not allow for blame to fall on the children. The guardians of those children have monumentally failed to restrict and educate before giving children the means to access those platforms.

It is my uncited but personal opinion that the increased rate of grooming, as well as an increased interest in combating rape culture, has led to well-intentioned individuals to become digital vigilantes attacking those who they hold responsible for their traumatic experiences in a search for catharsis and justice denied for themselves as well as a desire to make the internet safer for other children, whom they are increasingly aware are entering online spaces unsupervised at distressingly young ages.

Is harassment and bullying bad for perpetrators of it?

Before we get into how ship-related hate campaigns do not affect predation or combat rape culture, we should acknowledge that it’s actually pretty harmful for the people who cyberbully. Not just in the legal/social consequences, but people who participate in cyberbullying and cyberhate campaigns have higher rates of depression, estrangement from their parents, self-effacing habits, social anxiety, lower empathy, and so forth.

One study suggests that the treatment and prohibitive for cyberbullying, which contributes to a culture of cyberhate and a lower likelihood to report or confront other incidents of harassment or toxicity online, can be combatted with media competency to increase empathy along with other important life skills.

Some Common Pro-Censorship Myths

“Pornography is Addictive/Consumption of Pornography Leads to Increasingly Hardcore Imagery And Ultimately Real-World Violence” - The American Psychological Association does not recognize Porn Addiction as real and the DSM-5 does not classify it as an addiction. Additionally, many methods used in articles claiming that porn is addictive or causes users to seek out more hardcore material were flawed or biased. There is actually some evidence that compulsive porn use, the closest you can get to a porn addiction diagnosis, is associated with shame and the user’s belief that pornography is morally wrong, which sex-negative attitudes encourage.

“Jaws caused shark culling” - That's unfortunately a simplification that ignores a LOT of surrounding context. WW2’s modern naval battles with an increase of ship sinkings and thus contact with sharks prompted the invention and use of shark repellant by aviators and sailors in the 1940’s. The most deadly and famous shark attack of all time was the USS Indianapolis sinking in 1945, which led to 12-150 deaths. The 1974 book Jaws by Peter Benchley, which was the entire basis of the movie, was inspired by One Fucking Dude who started shark hunting tours and overall seemed to have a really immaculate vibe. The interstate highways that finished in the 1950’s increased beach tourism in the 60’s and onwards, inspiring the American surf culture, further increasing the cultural desire to purge sharks for the new swath of beachgoers and their fondness for using surfboards which make them look like seals to sharks. Additionally, 1975’s Jaws inspired a huge desire for education about sharks, and the relationship between problematic media and education will be the core of this yapperoni pizza.

“The Slendermen Killings/Other Fiction Inspired Crimes” - The ACLU states that “There is no evidence that fiction has ever driven a sane person to violence.” Inspired crimes are indeed no less tragic, and thankfully rare, but people who suffer from inability to discern reality and fiction do not necessarily need fiction to commit violence. The “Son of Sam” murder spree was not inspired by a book or movie, but instead Berkowitz’ auditory hallucinations.

“Violent videogames DO cause violence” - After a great deal of funding and study, the American Psychological Association has concluded that teens and younger may have increased feelings of aggression and not necessarily physically violent outbursts as a direct effect, but older teens and young adults do not encounter statistically meaningful rates of aggression.

“Your brain can’t tell the difference between fiction and reality” - Factually incorrect. Children as young as 5 years old can tell the difference, and they can even be more suspicious about “facts” that come from sources they know also host fiction, such as TV shows.

“This stuff shouldn’t be online because it can be used to groom a child” - While I could not find specific statistics on how often pornography is used to desensitize child victims, nor how often that is specifically used in online grooming, and especially not how much of that pornography is made from fictional characters - out of a mixed group of convicted offenders with adult and child victims, 55% of offenders used pornography to manipulate their victim. I would never refute that explicit fanart or fanfic could be used to desensitize a child, but that is by far not the only tool (asking about sexual experiences/identity, making jokes, etc is extremely common grooming behavior), and there is no evidence to suggest that it is used to a statistically significant degree. In my own anecdotal experience, normal vanilla legal pornography is used with far greater prevalence, and there isn’t a similar movement to shame its production for that possibility. Nor should the creators of any material, pornographic or otherwise, share blame in the actions of a predator.

The Fiction Affects Reality Carrd

(No hate to the person who made it, in fact I give props to them for trying to find unbiased sources, I just want to point out that their interpretations of their articles are kinda flawed and one of their studies is a kind of a perfect example on small and culturally biased samples.)

Reading Fiction Impacts Aggressive Behavior - (I cannot access the full study but this article is the primary source used in the Carrd and it goes into detail) - A study showed that 67 university students were more annoyed with a loud buzzer after reading a short story about a physical fight between roommates compared to a story with nonviolent revenge. However, this study was conducted at Brigham Young University, the same campus where we got a whole video series of hot ethical takes like “I’d rather shoot a kitten than drink coffee,” so uh. Yeah. Kind of a prime example on why it’s important to have large and culturally varied sampling. (Another BYU study with 137 BYU students being odd about moral ambiguity in fiction, just because I’m starting to add Dr. Sarah M. Coyne to my list of “Sarah’s That I Dislike.”)

Your Brain on Fiction - a NYT article that describes Theory of the Mind and how fMRIs captured how readers’ minds would light up centers of muscle control when reading sentences like “Peter kicked.” The quote “The brain, it seems, does not make much of a distinction between reading about an experience and encountering it in real life; in each case, the same neurological regions are stimulated” is speaking of motor functions. Emotional centers of the brain were not included in the study.

How Fiction Changes Your World - a Boston Globe article that actually describes how people who read more fiction are more empathetic and tend to believe in a just world. It does not state that the empathy a reader feels for fictional characters extends to corrupting their moral compass. In fact, there’s such a thing as a “fictive license” to explore taboo themes more thoroughly because it is not real - 123 participants were interviewed after watching two actors play the part of detective and murderer being interviewed, and participants who were told it was fake had more varied and inquisitive responses.

The Social Impact of Books - Actually reuses the previous study about the just world, so point remains. Empathy is understanding, not mirroring.

Is Problematic Fiction Good for Survivors of Trauma?

It absolutely depends on the individual.

Writing expressively about traumatic experiences has been shown to be effective to reduce depression, or more effective in reducing dysphoria and anxiety than talking to fellow survivors, and Written Exposure Therapy is broadly prescribed to survivors of trauma, with one study centering on car crash survivors finding that WET resolved their PTSD symptoms and continued to be effective after a year.

In this study, which sadly is not available online but it is too important to leave out completely, survivors of CSA were given fictional novels about CSA and in closely reading and analyzing those stories, were able to understand their own experiences and were indeed drawn to write about their own experiences as well.

Engaging in problematic fiction, like all fiction, allows for consent as well as control. If at any point a survivor does not feel in control or wishes to stop, they can at that instant. They can even rewrite their narratives and take control of their story in fictionalizing and changing the account. They can even try to understand what their abuser felt through fiction, which is helpful considering that the vast majority of survivors had a relationship that had been positive and even loving with their abusers at times.

Is Problematic Fiction Good for Everyone Else?

It again depends on the individual.

Antis might be a little right that most people don't want to read problematic stories. In a study exploring whether fiction can corrode morals, 83% of study participants stated that they would prefer not to read a short story justifying baby murder if they had the choice, even if that exploration isn’t inherently harmful.

This very small sample study of 13 participants discussed how young women interpreted sexual themes in writing, including explicit fanfiction, and how that was beneficial and informative to explore sexual desire and examine healthy and unhealthy relationships in a safe and controlled environment.

This meta-analysis further discusses how problematic and sexual themes in YA literature are useful to illustrate what sexual violence looks like, and begin educational conversations through those depictions to break down harmful myths such as “if she didn’t scream, she wanted it.”

Empowered by the “Fictive License” previously cited, problematic fiction can be beneficial for anyone who desires and is capable of consuming and analyzing it.

This study analyzing abusive aspects of three films - Beauty and the Beast, Twilight, and 50 Shades of Gray - concluded that these abusive themes should be discussed to increase recognition and awareness, not censored based on those problematic themes.

This study of 53 women were asked to read different versions of fictional intimate partner violence flags, or “toxic behavior” like surveillance, control, etc. In every version of the story, whether the female or male had those behaviors either courting or committed, the women recognized the behavior as wrong.

Another study that reading allows for the moral laboratory to explore morality in fiction without decisive impact to corroding moral permissibility.

Is There Ever Any Point Where Fictional Interests Definitively Speak On Someone’s Morality?

In short - not really. Loving Jason Vorhees does not put you at risk of murdering campers as long as you know he’s not real. Writing Wincest does not mean you look forward to family reunions, as long as you know incest isn’t okay in the real world. The real world, where real people are harmed, is where you find the measure of someone’s character.

This Psychology Today article is the best source I could find for quotes from a fantastic book ‘Who's Been Sleeping in Your Head? The Secret World of Sexual Fantasies’ by Brett Kahr regarding taboo sexual fantasies and how they are not only common, but not inherently harmful.

There are people who enjoy problematic media in an entirely nonsexual sense, of course. I myself don’t get off on problematic media - I think it’s just interesting to explore different experiences, and I think that can be revolutionary.

Additionally, fantasies in general have almost always been in the vein of “things you don’t want to really happen in reality.” In a study of 351 asexuals, more than half reported that they fantasize about having sex, but that doesn’t mean that they actually want to. You can fantasize about dating Billie Eilish - it doesn’t mean that you’d be happy dealing with celebrity culture.

(I personally fantasize about the internet being just for adults, but in practice I think that would be incredibly harmful and isolating for at-risk youth and LGBTQ teens) Fantasies always pluck out only the bits of reality that you want to engage with.

If You Get Off On Fictional Kids, You’re Attracted to Something About Them Being Kids

Not inherently, surprisingly. Wearing a schoolgirl uniform is a pretty common roleplay, and it’s not meant to “fool” the participants into thinking they’re indulging in pedophilia. There’s a wealth of emotional and sexual nuance in that specific kink - innocence and virginity play, tilted power dynamics in ‘scolding’ the uniform wearer for dress code violations, even the concept of a sexually provocative “teenager” can be played with without shame, because the world of fetish and fantasy is separated from condonable actions for the vast, vast majority of adults. (The only study I could find on this is this small study of 100 white guys found on Facebook, which itself states it is not definitive, found that while there might be correlation between attraction to children and interest in schoolgirl uniforms, there is no proof of causation. AKA, the rectangular pedophile might indeed like square schoolgirl uniforms, but not everyone - in fact, the majority at nearly 60% in this very survey - that likes square schoolgirl uniforms is a rectangular pedophile.)

Even sexual age play between adults is not indicative of pedophilia because it exists in a setting between two adults who fully understand that the mechanics are completely fake, allowing the power dynamics that would be abusive between an adult and child to be ethically explored.

I don’t have an official-looking study to cite, but I have asked people who like content about underage fictional characters why they do so. Overwhelmingly, a lot of the ones who like underage age gaps like the fantasy of an older and more experienced character taking a younger one under their wing, to have the opportunity to commit violent and blatantly objectifying harm and yet try to create what inevitably does not truly pass as consent, but seems near enough to the characters. Some think that the characters themselves have an interesting chemistry. Some read underage fic and still imagine the characters as adults. Some like to explore the feelings of shame that the older character must feel and how they mentally compartmentalize to go forward with the relationship, and how the younger character found themself in that vulnerable position - which is exploring a harmful situation through fiction to understand how it could play out in real life.

People who like fictional incest like exploring the shameful components of that taboo relationship - and I have seen a lot of works that compare how bad incest could be to other harms, like the Gravecest route in a game with parental cannibalism. And then there are folks who like analyzing the codependency of having one person fulfill every social need - family, friend, lover, AKA Wincest.

What makes a predator if it’s not just sexual attraction?

90% of CSA survivors know their abuser, discrediting the still-entirely-too-popular Stranger Danger myth. And shockingly, only 50% of abusers are pedophiles.

That means 50% of child molesters do not have sexual interest in children because they are children, but they victimized children because they are more accessible in lieu of adult partners, with increased rates of incest.

While I could not find a specific study on the relation between dehumanization/objectification of child victims and child molesters (and if you find one, please send it to me!), this study speaks on dehumanization as a precursor to adult sexual violence.

This study, conducted on convicted child molesters in prison, showed that child molesters tend to fantasize about children while in a negative mood, further contributing to the theory that child victims are dehumanized prior to abuse.

This very small sample study found that in a mixed sample of internet only/contact crime/mixed offenders, offenders who had contact with children had lower rates of fantasizing about children.

In short, half the time a child predator is someone who wants to offend against a child regardless of attraction to the fact they are a child.

Resources To Recognize Grooming/Abuse Victims/Predators

I would absolutely be remiss to not share my collection of resources to help detect signs of abuse/grooming as well as warning signs of a predator who may be targeting elders/women/teens/children:

Darkness 2 Light is a fantastic resource overall, this page details stages and signs of grooming.

RAINN personally helped me through my PTSD journey, and this article detailing the signs of sexual trauma in teenagers is thorough and non-judgemental

Signs of abuse as well as warning signs of predation that does not use gendered language nor play into the Stranger Danger myth.

Education, not Censorship

I think a lot of the energy against taboo content among young people still has a lot to do with the desire to end rape culture. The tools that we Millennial Tumblrinas gave you Gen Z kids were snatches of leftist theory, deplatforming, and voting with your dollar, so it’s reasonable to think that removing taboo content like pedophilia, incest, rape fights rape culture.

It doesn’t.

Rape culture is fought by education. Comprehensive sex education, education about consent. Talking about what consent looks like, what sex can look like, what rape can look like.

There should be more taboo content to talk about these things, to show all the shades it can look like. From a violent noncon to fics that aren’t even tagged as dubcon yet still are in shades that are hard to suss out, we should talk about it.

A Non-Empirical Example Of Good Media Analysis and Education to Combat Rape Culture

Let’s use the example of Daemon and Rhaenyra Targaryen’s relationship in House of the Dragon. Canonically, in both the book and the show, they have a romantic relationship that appears for the most part to be positive (the show being more contentious but I dedicated an aside to Sarah Hess and our beef at the bottom of my Carrd, but feel free to ask how I feel about writing producers with any variation of the name ‘Sarah’) despite an age gap, a sexual relationship that began while Rhaenyra was a minor, and incest - the problematic hat trick if you will.

I have seen anti-Daemyra shippers condemn Daemyra shippers for “Condoning grooming, age gaps, pedophilia, and incest.” Which is not just a broad, inaccurate, and harmful statement, it’s not at all constructive or educational analysis.

It would actually be beneficial to say “Daemon is grooming Rhaenyra as a teenager with gifts, devoted attention that takes advantage of her isolation and vulnerability, frequent nonsexual touches, the extreme desensitization to sexuality in the brothel visit,” etc etc. And even so, it is not useful to say that people cannot still ship the relationship and acknowledge those aspects. They might want to further explore the issues of consent in their dynamic in fiction, they may want to strip away some of them with narrative reimagining. Some might want to ignore the taboos completely and indulge in the fantasy entirely, and some might find the actors hot as hell - AKA, anyone who watches the show.

It’s honestly a little similar to me in how Jerry Falwell would tell his followers not to watch or read or take in any media that dealt with homosexuality unless it was condemning it - even Will & Grace was on Jerry’s shitlist. And so, Jerry’s followers missed out on a lot of media that could have educated them about queerness, could have humanized queer people for them - and that did not make queers go away. Just like ignoring or shutting out media about incest, rape, and other forms of sexual violence doesn’t make those things go away - it just tends to make you less informed, and little less capable of empathy towards people affected by those subjects.

So let’s stop shaming those that ship a complicated dynamic - you get less fanworks exploring those taboos, and less of a discussion overall. You shut down the morality lab of fiction, and to be honest, it’s wet sock behavior.

Some FanFiction Specific Studies

How dubcon fanfiction can flesh out the intricacies and messiness of realistic consent

A review of darkfic written about Harry Potter in 2005 (which, I will personally attest has never been outdone in how profoundly taboo those works were)

Interviews with 11 Self Insert writers who wrote on themes of rape, abuse, control, yandere, etc, and how that was beneficial to some who had experienced sexual violence themselves

Conclusion:

H…holy shit, you actually read all of that?? Congrats dude! That is a lot of time and brain power to dedicate to any one thing!

By the way, I am not really gifted at writing articles or any of that junk, and I tried to make my hyperlexic ass a little more accessible instead of bringing out all the $5 words. I am literally just an autistic who took a couple technical writing classes over a decade ago and really wanted to sort out my thoughts and try to have a platform for discussion. Also, I am really fucking bad at math. I failed two different college level statistics classes twice each. Gun to my head, I could not tell you what a standard deviation is, which is why I worked entirely with the percentages.

And I do want to have a discussion! I would in fact like to not report anyone for sending me gore or death threats or any of that stuff! I don’t think everyone will agree with me, in fact I’m certain that you could find studies that contradict some of mine, and I’d love to discuss them!

I’m sure it will still be tempting to throw around accusations of pedophilia because sometimes, confronting your previously held beliefs is incredibly uncomfortable. If you could not do that, that would be great? I don’t like being compared to someone who profoundly abused me just because I have a different opinion on how to combat rape culture and empower survivors. If you can do that, I’ll do my absolute best to be cheerful and welcoming and respectful as well. 😁

PS - I’m also not really going to be phased if you call me weird or cringe - I am. Always have been. Cringe, weirdness, and autism have made me do and capable of doing some fantastically neat and impressive stuff. But if you try to say something like “proshippers are too yucky and weird to be in fandom” - I’m going to have to refer you to your similarity to Kate Sanders of Lizzy McGuire fame, you “prEpz >:(“ - [My Immortal, legendary author unknown]

[elodieunderglass]

So for some more details:

- I am fairly time-poor with a huge amount of commitments: Grownup Job Senior Promotion, three small kids on summer holidays/starting school, writing a novel fanfic for sick friend, peak growing/harvest season at allotment, etc. so im only offering “what I can actually deliver” at this time

- swan comic is a new idea, people like those don’t they? Not sure of how fundraising mechanism would work here but maybe taking prompts?

- not sure how essay would work but it’s probably my best/most appealing skill?

- material items in exchange for a minimum fixed amount. So offline I’m most known for material works. I’m not a BAD printmaker / craftworker and for this I would be looking at designing a sort of limited print run of greeting card style original hand printed prints. I know you guys aren’t familiar with this work from me, so this would involve a bit of trust that An Art from me would be worth at least £5 lmao. However it’s kind of nice to get something real in the mail right??

- super worried about fandom auction so this would be mostly a register of interest that I’d take to more experienced people and use as leverage to start an auction; I’m not in a great place to provide much actual legwork here. I also have huge guilt from like 2000-something where someone paid A HUNDRED AND LIKE 20 DOLLARS to charity for earthquake survivors and I DID NOT FINISH THE FIC AND I HAD to write to them, weepingly, apologising forever about it, and they were so graceful, they forgave me and wrote off my fandom auction contribution, but I had never watched the tv show they requested and was in the process of romancing dr glass and it all went SO wrong, this MIGHT heal my scars of shame from fandom auctions generally OR might make them worse. It itvery hard to write fic actually it’s my worst skill pls don’t pick this

Anyway

I will dance like a monkey and get sick kids out of Gaza. What would you like to see most?

[perotovar]

A Writing Challenge from August 1st - September 21st

"Erin, what is Frith?"

Frith, is an Old Norse term, typically used among friends and kinsmen, that would often be used in a diplomatic way to bring peace.

Or, more plainly, “a mutual agreement to avoid causing each other physical, emotional, or mental harm, and to avoid negatively affecting each other’s honor, worth, and luck.”

This is meant to be a long-lasting agreement among those that take part.

Now, I’ve spent a decent amount of time to know, in this fandom, that that could very well be wishful thinking, but I’m choosing to stay positive here. It’s no secret that there have been things happening lately that are less than stellar, to put it mildly.

But I’m not here to talk about that.

I’m here to have fun and be creative so that’s what we’re going to do!

I’ve had this idea brewing for several months, and it’s a subject matter that’s very near and dear to my heart. In my personal life, I’m a practicing Norse Pagan. For those that are unfamiliar, I like to describe it as worshiping the Old Ones. I follow the teachings of the Norse Gods.

Why am I telling you this? Well, since this is something that’s so close to me, and we’re all here as fans of one Pedro Pascal and his work, I figured why not combine the two? Initially, the goal was to write all these fics myself, but when I discovered just how exhausting and time-consuming that would be, I decided to include all of you!

I failed to do a follower milestone to thank you all and celebrate, so take this as my thank you for sticking around here and showing support to my fics and gifs.

Alright, so how is this going to work?

huge shoutout to @scenaaario and @kedsandtubesocks for all your help on this you lovely humans ♥

Another important aspect of Heathenry (Norse Paganism) is reciprocity. “Gifts given for gifts received.” So, you all wouldn’t just be giving me a bunch of fics to read. I’ve made something for those of you who will participate as well. This is an equal exchange.

I’ve paired up several of the PPCU with Norse Gods and made moodboards for each of them. I have reasons for matching them up the way I have, and I’ll go into more detail as to why later.

So, yes, this is a writing challenge at its core, but it’s also a way for me to show a little peace of myself with you all and for us all to be creative and have fun! Maybe you’ll step out of your comfort zone a little and that’s okay!

There is an expectation that something will be written/received, so if you don’t think you’ll be able to participate, that’s totally okay. There’s no pressure at all, and I appreciate any support or boosting to get to those that would like to!

Okay, enough of all that, which Gods have I chosen to match up with the Boys?

I’m glad you asked! Matching up traits and personalities was really fun, and really challenging. Nothing is a 1:1 match, but that’s okay. Nothing is supposed to be, and that’s where some of the challenge may come in.

For those that are participating in the challenge, you’ll send me an ask declaring which God/Pedro Boy you’d like to write. In return, and my part of the reciprocity, you’ll receive a moodboard to use for your fic, and a little blurb telling you a little more about the God and why I’ve chosen that character to pair them with. I’m hoping some of them will be a little obvious, but I’m aware not everyone is as familiar with the Gods as I am.

There are only 14 slots and therefore only 14 moodboards made, so once someone has been claimed, that’s it. As much as I’d love to have even more people participate, I don’t think I can make that many things lol.

If you’d still like to contribute somehow, I’m open to any questions you may have about the Gods (and maybe how the boys relate), because I’m a big ol’ nerd and love talking about this shit.

So, who’s who?

Maxwell Lord – Odin [Óðinn] (The All-Father and God of wisdom, magic, war, death, but also cunning and trickery.) claimed by @missredherring

Pero Tovar – Thor [Þórr] (God of thunder, lightning, sacred groves and trees, strength, and the protection of humankind.) claimed by @morallyinept

Max Phillips – Loki (The Trickster God of mischief and chaos.) claimed by @qveerthe0ry

Oberyn Martell – Freyja (Goddess of love, sensuality, sex, passion, war, and magic.) claimed by @guiltyasdave

Javier Peña – Freyr (God of fertility, harvests, and peace.) claimed by @almostfoxglove

Ezra – Týr (God of victory, law, and justice.) claimed by @marisferasiop

Marcus Moreno – Frigg (Goddess of domestic life, marriage, and maternal energy.) claimed by @joelalorian

Joel Miller – Hel (Goddess of death and guide to the underworld.) claimed by @beefrobeefcal

Dieter Bravo – Bragi (God of poetry, oral traditions, and the Skaldic Poet of the Aesir.) claimed by @schnarfer

Javi Gutierrez – Baldr (God of light and purity.) claimed by @morallyinept

Dave York – Vidar [Víðarr] (The Silent God of vengeance.) claimed by @kedsandtubesocks

Din Djarin – Heimdall [Heimdallr] (Gatekeeper of Asgard, the gods’ stronghold within Valhalla. God of guardianship, vigilance, and protection.) claimed by @djarinmuse

Frankie Morales – Skadi [Skaði] (Goddess of winter, skiing, bow-hunting, and mountains.) claimed by @agentmarcuspike

Jack “Agent Whiskey” Daniels – Ægir (Brewmaster of the sea.) claimed by @lotusbxtch

extras:

Marcus Pike – Idun [Iðunn] (Goddess of eternal youth and sacred apples.) claimed by @gasolinerainbowpuddles

Silva – Ymir (First being in existence and the reason for the creation of Earth.) claimed by @yopossum

Santiago Garcia – Fenrir (Most famous of all the wolves in Norse Mythology and the bringer of Ragnarok.) claimed by @for-a-longlongtime

There are no rules for your fic itself. You can write whatever and however much you want. All I ask is that some aspects of the Gods stay intact, otherwise this would just be any old writing challenge.

I wanna see you guys get creative with what the Gods offer. How are they speaking to you? What energy/vibes are you getting off of them? Run with it.

Now, I’m posting this the day before Lammas, the Pagan holiday that often takes place in the Summer, August 1st. I think it would round out the summer nicely if everything gets published around Mabon, September 21st, the holiday that celebrates the Fall equinox.

That gives everyone almost two months to write their stories. I’m hoping that’s a decent time? If it’s not, I’m not picky and typically run on Pagan Standard Time, so if it’ll take you a little longer, just let me know and it’ll probably be fine.

Thank you for sticking with my ramble, and I wish you all gọ̄der hēle (good luck)!

And remember, have fun!

[middlingmay]

So I wrote a wee fic for the mindbogglingly good art by @crowthis, of Buck and Bucky reunited in the Stalag. One of the best pieces of fan art I've seen in this fandom. I love it so much.

Enjoy!

He shoulda kissed him.

As soon as Bucky saw the US Air Force’s answer to those Hollywood starlets, he was more or less a goner. He saw that perfectly styled golden hair and that polished outward veneer and wanted to play with him so bad, just to rough him up a little. Bucky even practically wrote his damn name on him, like he did with his toys when he was a kid, the rare few he didn't want to share, in case any of the neighbour kids got the wrong idea.

He paraded Buck around base, calling him by his new name until everyone else did the same. He cackled, head thrown back and throat exposed at Buck’s acerbic, grumpy sense of humour that he muttered under his breath to John, and only John. He looked at Gale with fervour and pin-point focus when they debated strategy, all passionate and rapid fire, forgetting there was a room full of other men who may have had something to contribute. And people learned real quick that, on the rare occasions that John, affable, friendly John, started to simmer to his boiling point, it was Cleven who would turn down the heat with a steady hand or a tilt of the head or an uptick of the lips.

Apart from that one fella who whistled and called John Buck's guard dog and John decided, fuck it, and leaned in and bit him—

But it all boiled down to the same thing. Bucky would have been less subtle if he’d just planted one on Gale Cleven the second he walked into basic.

I shoulda kissed him.

It had been tugging at the back of his head all night. Buck had said Marge was bringing a friend, that she was a real nice girl. And she was, for all that John was invested. But they’d been treating each other - he and Lil - with the same polite but bemused curiosity as kids whose parents took them on a playdate with a complete stranger. Detached, but nice. But the two girls on the other hand…

“Marge and Lil are awful friendly,” he drawled, eyeing them as they left for the powder room. “She grow up with youse on the ranch?”

Gale rolled his eyes. Jokes about cowboys and ranching were a staple part of John’s teasing. He carefully set down his glass, smirked and shook his head. He cocked it, too, licked his lips a little and looked at John something terribly sweet. The same way he always looked at him. Same way Marge looked at Lil—

Oh. “Oh!” John laughed through his surprise, his nerves. “Oh, that right?”

Gale shrugged. A little tension rolled the movement. But he still looked at John calm and steady, full of the trust they had built up and up and up until it sustained itself. “You tell me?”

John smiled and leaned over the table. Gale moved with him to hear him over the din and John dropped his voice low. John could feel the heat of Gale’s cheek almost brushing his.

He turned a little and said into Gale’s ear, “Oh, I’d say it’s more than alright with me.”

I shoulda kissed him.

He was still devastated Gale had said no; that he’d be spending a weekend in London alone. It made him not want to go—to refuse the golden weekend passes, because what was the point without him? What was the point in going somewhere he couldn’t keep an eye on Buck, talk to Buck, look at Buck, breathe Buck in, hear him talk? But it would have looked too suspicious. Some of the guys knew about ‘em—the ones they trusted the most. But, although being queer wasn’t a crime anymore, there were still enough backwards sorts around who frothed at their bigot mouths seeing two fellas together, that their lives would be made so much more difficult than they needed to be if word got out.

So, instead, Buck saw John settled on the jeep that would take him to the train station.

“Don't you be gettin’ too wild out there,” Gale rumbled a teasing warning. “Jack can’t handle any more stress from you.”

Bucky bit back the useless reminder that Gale could keep an eye on him if he came with. “Watch out,” he said instead. “I’ll be the poster boy of the Air Force. Steal your bit.”

“Stealin’ someone else’s girl, more like.”

John caught the tone underneath. He was real good at jokes that weren’t really jokes at all. They were kind his specialty. “Hm. Not this time.”

Gale studied him a moment. “No?”

“I already got me a dame.”

Gale huffed a laugh. “That right?”

“Real looker, too,” John grinned. “Blonde bombshell. Blue eyes. Real pouty lips. A man’s dream, Buck. I ain’t gonna slum it with anyone else when I’ve got that waitin’ for me.”

Gale coughed and blushed something fierce and tried to hide his smile by plucking out a fresh toothpick to chew on.

“Go on, get,” he said, slapping the back of the jeep. “I’ll see you Monday.”

The jeep and John rolled off and John didn’t look away from Gale until the jeep tore him out of sight.

I shoulda kissed him.

John said it to himself as the bombs fell in London.

I should’ve kissed him.

He said it to himself as Red stuttered the results over the phone and as John walked into barracks that fell deathly silent at the sight of him.

I should have kissed him.

He said it to himself as he bailed with Brady, and got captured by the farmer, and was stuck on a damn train with a dead man, and watched men get butchered by townspeople, and woke up covered in bodies and ran covered in brains and blood, and when he was in the Dalag and that cunt Hausmann dared utter his name—

“John Egan! Your two o’clock!”

One of John’s eyes was barely open. His hair was thick and heavy and crusted with dirt and blood. His body felt slow and hot and cold in a way John knew didn’t mean anything good. But when Buck Cleven rises from the damned dead, smiling at you through a barbed wire fence, it was funny how little any of that fucking mattered.

His feet were caught in the slow, trudging wave of fresh POWs, trying to sweep him along. But his brain was stuck on one thing and one thing only.

I shoulda kissed him.

“What took you so long?”

Johnny still had some strength left in him, and he fought against the wave.

I shoulda kissed him.

He used the arms and shoulders he’d been blessed with to nudge and barge and push people out of the way. They glowered and sneered and shook their heads, but none of them had the energy to do much else.

I shoulda kissed him.

Gale saw him coming, pushed himself as close as he could to the fence. It was the difference of millimetres. But they still translated to being millimetres closer to John.

John was nearly there, pushing the last body, the last obstacle out of the way.

I shoulda kissed him.

John’s hands seized Gale’s where they clutched the wire fence. He felt it cut into their hands as they entwined their fingers and pressed and squeezed until their fingers were all white pressure—

I shoulda—

John swooped down and Gale pressed up and their lips met in a desperate gasp. John couldn’t have kept the sob of sheer relief that bubbled up his throat inside if his life depended it on. But Gale swallowed it down and kissed him harder, and John took it all like it was the breath of life.

“Aw Jeez—Majors!”

“The fuck are you lookin’ at, huh? What?!”

“I fucking see you thinking! Unthink it, you son of a bitch. I goddamn dare you.”

“Don’t you fuckin’ touch him you Kraut motherfucker! Try that on someone who doesn’t have their back turned—yeah! Over here!”

John was deaf to the boys of the 100th, on both sides of the fence, hollering and bellowing threats, still protecting the backs of their Majors. Gale was deaf to the sounds of the other POWs, those who didn’t know them, cursing and spitting obscenities. John didn't feel the grasping hand of the guard who’d come to tear him away. They would deal with it all later; it didn’t matter.

All that mattered was they were here, together, and they’d get out of this thing alive.

[pedropascallme]

How about a fic where the reader also works at Smosh and they recently started dating but they haven't gone beyond kissing AND BAM FIRST TIME HAPPENS- really sexy, fluffy, gentle, maybe he picks her up a little bit, and they take time exploring eachother. You'd do so gooood! We truly need more Damien fic in this fandom 😭🔥

More, More, More

Pairing: Damien Haas x f!Reader

Summary: “You tilted your head, scanning his face; he blinked hard once, and fixed his posture, pushing his shoulders back slightly before relaxing them. Your hand trailed up his arm, tracing his tattoos and then loosely grabbing at his bicep.”

Warnings: SMUT (18+ MINORS DNI) p in v sex, oral (f receiving), fingering, dirty talk, praise, uhhh some Hereditary spoilers I guess? If I missed anything please let me know!

AN: Not super proud of this because I've been studying all week and I feel like my lack of sleep did not contribute to this in any beneficial ways but I still hope you enjoy it <3

“Are you coming with us tonight?” You fell into step with Courtney while you walked down the hall and out of the office.

“No, I don’t think so,” you looked up from your phone, “promised Damien I’d watch Hereditary, and I don’t think he’d let me bail.”

She smiled at you, walking you to your car, “It’s a good movie,” she tilted her head, “And he’s a good guy. I don’t blame you for wanting to stay in.”

“Yeah, well,” you kind of clammed up, “He’s cute and I love a good beheading, so.” You laughed with each other before saying your goodbyes.

You’d been dating him for two months. And it was really and truly delightful; he was kind, and communicative, and above all so, so pretty. It had started so naturally, harbored crushes surfacing to reveal themselves at the right time, and progressed so smoothly, and you were thrilled by it.

Still, you let the familiar fear of rejection take control at times; the anxiety that maybe you were moving too quickly and that he was only a fraction as interested in you as you were in him. So the physical affection stayed surface level—literally—in that you kissed and touched but hadn’t gone beyond second base, if you remembered the laws of high school correctly.

And that was fine, and he hadn’t said anything, hadn’t put pressure on you to do anything you didn’t want—but you really did want it. You wanted to let him have you, let him take you in taboo ways and places. Maybe that made you a bit deviant, maybe even a little perverse. But it was hard to be with someone so…flawless, as far as you were concerned, and not want something like that, even when the voices in your head told you that you shouldn’t, or that you weren’t nearly as experienced as any of his past partners might have been.

Comparison meets joy, and stabs it right in the neck.

~~~

“Be honest with me,” you sat next to Damien on the couch, curling your legs beneath you and leaning over towards him, “Did you want to watch this with me just so you could hold me during the scary parts?”

“Yeah, but not for the reasons you think,” he draped an arm over your shoulder, pulling you closer to him, “I’m fucking terrified of it, and I need my big strong girlfriend to protect me.” He smiled, clearly amused by himself, and you blew a piece of hair out of his face.

“Wuss.” You kissed him, hand toying with his collar, before sitting back and leaning on his shoulder.

“Yeah? Remember that you said that tonight when you turn off the lights.” He shot you a dubious grin before grabbing the remote. You watched the muscle in his wrist move when he pressed the buttons, captivated by the small details of his body and the way he mouthed the titles of the movies that popped up on the TV screen while he flicked through previously watched films.

You tilted your head, scanning his face; he blinked hard once, and fixed his posture, pushing his shoulders back slightly before relaxing them. Your hand trailed up his arm, tracing his tattoos and then loosely grabbing at his bicep.

“I’ll still remember you’re a wuss when the lights are off.” You mumbled, and he looked down at you.

“You seem so sure.” He watched your hand sweep over his arm, nails barely grazing his skin.

“You think I should be contemplating something else?” You goaded him, unsure of where the sudden confidence had come from and why it had appeared only now. “Don’t you want me to think about you when the lights are off?” You continued with your double entendres. You saw him swallow, and from your position, leaning over him with your hand now on his chest, you could feel his heartbeat pick up.

God, he was nice to look at.

“No, I do,” he put down the remote, reaching over to hold your chin in his hand and guide you up to him, “but I think my proposal might be a little more…vulgar.”

You smiled against his mouth when he kissed you, the leisurely pace allowing you to take your time tasting him, feeling the shape of him near you, on you. You sat up, giving yourself room to lace your fingers in his hair and pull him even closer, and he let you; an arm wrapped around your waist to secure you against him.

“You wanna watch this movie with me or not?” You quipped when you separated from him, and he smiled, shaking his head.

“Yes—yeah. I do want to watch this with you,” he paused, before continuing, “You, uh…you wanna tell me something?” He sort of shifted in his seat, tilting his head back on the couch cushions to drink you in.

“What?”

“Where that came from?”

“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” you played dumb, heat creeping up your neck and splashing your cheeks red; you tried not to lose your new surge of confidence, reassuring yourself that his line of questioning was a result of mutual excitement. You leaned over him to grab the remote and press play before you crawled into his lap to straddle him.

“You gonna watch this way?” His hands found purchase on your hips.

“I haven’t told you about this skill?” You kept up your act.

“No, I was unaware of the eyes on the back of your head,” he squeezed your hips and you hummed at the feeling, “But it’s pretty hot. I love a woman with twenty/twenty/twenty/twenty vision.”

You heard the movie play behind you; the score and the sound of voices droning softly. “Can I be honest,” you traced a finger over his collar, “I’m not that interested in the movie right now.”

“How dare you,” Damien feigned hurt, “This is a serious breach of protocol—” his hands crawled up your back before he stood, picking you up with him, and laying you on your back, caging you under him while you laughed from the adrenaline that came with being picked up and put down so quickly. “And I absolutely will not have it,” he kissed down your neck and you grabbed at his hair. “This switch up will not go unpunished.” He brought his face back up to yours and kissed you deeply, your hand tightening in his hair when his tongue slipped past your lips.

“Tell me if it’s too much?” He urged, nose brushing against your cheek when he broke away from you.

“Keep going.”

“You’re sure?”

“Damien, I don’t think there’s a sexy way to say this: I really want to have sex with you right now.” Your hand fell from his hair and trailed over his neck, stopping between his shoulder blades, and pulling gently at his shirt.

“Sounded pretty sexy to me,” he smirked, continuing his ministrations, kissing down your neck, lips stopping just above the collar of your shirt. He reached under the hem of the fabric, warm palms brushing against your skin while he explored you. You gasped when he cupped your breast in his hand, his free arm finding its way under your body to prop you up slightly and allow him easier access to you.

You’d done this before, had him touch you like this, but it felt so much more charged in this moment; the promise of more to come made you antsy in the best way, having previously stopped here. His hands kept exploring, with your chest, your stomach, and the curve of your spine all finding relief under his hands. You slid one hand under his shirt, desperate to be as close to him as possible; your other hand continued to tug on the back of his collar, encouraging him to rid himself of the layer of fabric.

He gave in to your silent request, pulling away from you momentarily to take it off before returning his undivided attention to you and, with his hands on your waist, bunching your shirt up at your sides, offered you another heated kiss.

You felt restless, wired by his touch and eager to feel him in the ways you had spent so much time imagining. Your hips bucked gently into his, and you heard his breath catch in his throat, his chest stuttering against you when you deepened the kiss, arms wrapping around his neck and one leg draped over him. Your hands trailed over his back, drinking in his frame above you. You tugged at his hair to disconnect momentarily, panting.

“Can I…?” His hand ghosted over the hem of your shirt while you looked up at him.

“Please.” You gave him the go-ahead, and he pulled you up a bit to help you strip off your shirt. He wasted no time, licking a streak across your collar bone before dipping his head down to kiss the valley between your breasts; he left open-mouthed kisses on the soft flesh and you put a hand on the back of his neck, unsure whether to enjoy the view or allow your head to loll back to fully embrace the feeling of his mouth on your body. His thumb grazed over one of your nipples, and you gasped at the contact.

“Beautiful,” he mumbled against your chest, focused on the way the emerging goosebumps on your skin felt against his tongue and fingers, “you’re so beautiful.”

“Damien,” you tilted his chin up in your fingers, “pants.”

“Fuck—right.” He tore himself away from you, hands flying to the zipper of your jeans to undo them and peel them off your legs. He toyed with the waistband of your panties, undeniably obvious wet spot soaking through with your desire, before lowering his face to your core and licking a stripe over your clothed cunt. You whimpered, hand reaching for his shoulder and squeezing, encouraging him to continue. He repeated the action, looking up at you from between your legs to watch your eyes flutter before you let your head fall back against the armrest of the couch.

“Can I take them off?” One of his fingers softly brushed against your clit over your panties.

“You can do whatever you want,” and you were only half-joking, so trusting of him and his intentions, “Take them off.”

Damien did as he was told, pulling the fabric down your thighs. He let one of his fingers trail up your slit, letting you coat it with your slick before using it to rub tight circles on your clit.

“You’re so fucking wet,” he had moved himself down the couch, propping himself up on his forearms above your core, and, using the position to his advantage, he licked into you, finally getting a proper taste. You moaned, a breathy sound that pushed all the air from your lungs, and it spurred him on: his tongue fucked into you while he used his finger to massage your clit, grinding his hips into the couch to find friction when you moaned his name.

He removed his finger from your clit, letting it trace over your hole before sinking into you; you let out a sigh of contentment, and he pumped it slowly in and out of you, taking your clit between his lips and sucking, before adding another digit. You mewled down at him, whispers of his name and begs for him to continue his movements, promises of how good you would be for him if he would just, please, let you cum. He moaned at your words, the vibrations shooting through your core, and when he sped up his movements ever so slightly, you were an absolute goner; one last swipe of his tongue over your clit in time with the push of his fingers against your walls had you crying out for him.

You gulped for air, dizzy with satisfaction, and when you looked down at him, he was already staring at you, his face painted with a dopey grin. “Hi.”

“Hi,” you smiled, letting your head fall back on the couch. He climbed up and over you, kissing your forehead.

“You’re pretty when you cum for me,” he rubbed his nose against yours before moving to kiss your cheek, “wanna see you do it again.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He nodded, lips brushing against yours and you closed the gap between them; you could taste the sweet edge of your own cum on his tongue.

“Make me.” You whispered against him, and he groaned into the kiss, pushing his hips against yours.

Hesitantly, he broke away, standing to undo his belt and undress. You watched, transfixed, eyes trailing from his collar to his legs. The background noise of the movie rose to a crescendo before falling quiet.

“Baby,” his hand fell over your face, cupping your cheek.

“Mhm.”

“We just missed the decapitation scene.” His words were laced with a faux disappointment, and you bit the inside of your cheek to keep from laughing.

“Guess you’ll just have to bide your time until you can find the remote and rewind.” You pulled at his arm, and he crawled back onto the couch, positioning himself above you.

“I mean—if you insist,” he laughed, kissing your neck while he lined himself up with you. The tip of his cock nudged at your entrance and the mood returned to a more serious tone. “Gonna be good for me?” His forehead rested against yours, “Gonna tell me what you need?”

“Yeah,” you breathed, squirming just enough to feel a hint more relief with his cock so close to where you needed it. “Need you, Damien.”

“Good girl.” He pushed into you slowly, letting you adjust to the stretch as he went. Mouth open and eyes squeezed shut at the feeling, he moaned softly when he bottomed out. You clawed at his arms, pulsing around him.

“More,” you pleaded under him.

“Oh my god,” he keened at your words, pushing his hips into yours even further before pulling out to repeat the motion over again; long, languid thrusts filling you up, dropping kisses on any exposed skin you could reach on each other between moans. “Tell me—tell me how it feels, baby.” Damien whispered into the skin of your cheek, his words quiet in your ear.

“It’s so good,” you whined at the drag of his cock against your walls, tip pushing against your most sensitive spots with every roll of his hips. “Want it—harder, please, Damien.”

He gave in to your cries immediately; straightening himself out above you, one arm reaching for your leg to prop it up against his shoulder, he used it as leverage to pull you into him. You yelped, well pleased by the new angle and the deep push of his hips, eyes rolling back when he brushed your cervix.

“Christ, you’re so pretty,” he grit his teeth, growling his words, “You like that, baby? Like feeling me like this?”

Your face contorted into a hazy smile, ragged moans taking the place of a coherent answer to his question. You reached out for him, raising your arms to encourage him to drop back down to your level; he pushed your leg down, and you wrapped it around his waist when he leaned forward to kiss you, engulfing you underneath him. He buried his face in the crook of your neck, trying to capture every inch of your body to bottle in this memory. You whined at the feeling of his stubble on your neck, the vague tickle making you giggle softly into his shoulder before your own moans cut your laughter short. He smiled, hips still driving into you.

“Doing so good, baby, give me one more.” He gave himself the space to snake an arm between your bodies, fingers deftly finding your clit and kneading it to pair with his thrusts. You arched your back, consumed by need, desperate to show him how good he made you feel. He sped up, movements becoming rougher the closer you both got to your highs; he rolled your clit under his finger and you gripped his bicep, nails threatening to break his skin as you came for him.

“That’s right—fuck, that’s my good girl,” He praised you while you trembled under him, cunt squeezing his cock while he drew out your orgasm. “So fucking good, that’s it.” He rambled, mouth agape once more as he hurtled towards the edge; after a few more deep thrusts, he pulled out of you, fisting his cock and spilling over your stomach with a moan of your name. His cum was warm on your skin, mixing with the sheen of sweat that had developed over you.

He slumped over you, leaving open mouthed kisses on your neck while he evened out his breathing; you took deep breaths underneath him, wrapping your arms around his neck and pushing your cheek into the crown of his head.

“That was,” he breathed against your skin, bringing his face to your level, and kissing your nose, “better than a movie.”

“That’s high praise.” You mumbled, letting him press a gentle kiss to your lips.

“I know,” he smiled, a familiar playful glint in his eye, “Don’t you feel honored?”

“So much,” you laughed, “and sweaty.”

He stood up, locating his shirt near the coffee table. He turned back to you, using it to wipe down your stomach and the wet that dripped between your legs, peppering your abdomen with kisses. One of your fingers scooped a spot he had missed on your stomach, and you brought it to your mouth to lick it clean.

“Damien…” you released your finger with a pop, and he returned to his spot on the couch, pulling you up to lean against him. He looked at you, silently pressing you to continue, eyes fixed on your lips, silently hoping you might repeat the action just so he could see it again. “Can we rewind the movie?”

He laughed, wrapping his arms around you and kissing the top of your head. “If you think you can get through it without getting distracted.”

“Mm,” you grunted, pushing yourself further into him, “no promises.”

[lunarfleur]

Like He Deserves ~ Earth 42! Miles Morales

Tagging: @juneberrie @sluggmuffin @hiyaitssans @enchanting-violet @nagi3seastorm @milesmolasses @luvjunie @n1cole-ghost @urfavnegronerd @hearts4hobie @mayeluvsu

Warnings:Lowkey depressive episode but nothing bad, just Miles being in a slump.

A/N: Me and @kombuuuu were talking about this, so this is my biggest contribution to the fandom.

This is x gender neutral reader!

The first thing Rio Morales noticed when she walked in the door was that your shoes were still there. They weren’t her son’s. She knew that.

She peeked into Miles’s bedroom. The lights were off, except for the candle lit on Miles’s desk. It made the room smell like vanilla. Miles loved vanilla candles. She leaned against the door frame when she heard small mumbles coming from his bed.

You laid on one side of the bed, wearing one of Miles’s t-shirts. He laid next to you while you ran your fingers over his face, pressing kisses over the skin.

“Dad woulda loved you,” Miles mumbled. You hummed in response. His voice was low and slurred, filled with exhaustion.

“Yeah?”

“I miss him, ya know?”

“I know.”

You kisses over his cheek and jaw, reaching your hand up to scratch his head.

“Will you stay with me until I fall asleep? I don’t want to be alone.”

You kissed his lips softly, humming.

“Of course.”

You exited his room 15 minutes later, closing the door behind you softly before walking into the living room. Rio looked up at you. You stopped dead in your tracks.

“Um, I was just leaving.” You forced the words out quickly.

It was 2 hours past the time you were supposed to leave. You had already texted your own guardian about being home late. Miles, however, had not texted his mother. He hadn’t thought.

“Sit with me.”

“What?”

“Come on, siéntate conmigo.” Rio patted the spot next to her on the couch. You hesitantly placed your bag on the floor and sat next to her. She sipped on some tea, leaving you waiting anxiously.

You knew Rio wasn’t fond of you. You just didn’t know why. You were always polite, offering to help around the house, never calling her by her first name. Yet, she was always giving you that same disproving look.

“She’ll warm up to you,” Miles always said. You doubted it.

“So-”

“Miles loves you.” She cut you off firmly, looking you in the eyes.

“I know.” She paused for a moment, only for a moment, before sighing.

“That boy has always been a giver. He gives and he gives. It’s around this time of year he seems to run dry.”

You nodded. Of course you knew. It was around the anniversary of his dad’s death. He missed his dad more than anything. It always had an affect on him.

“I can’t tell you how you feel about him,” she continued, “but if you’re just going to end up hurting him, then I don’t want you to come back. His entire life Miles has given. It’s time he gets something back. It’s what he deserves.”

You thought on it. Miles was always giving. Always offering. He offered to do your homework, to make your food. Never once had he made you feel anything less than loved.

“Believe me, mam. I’d set myself on fire before I ever hurt him.”

Rio went quiet for a minute, thinking about your words. You couldn’t help but wonder what was going through her head.

“My son has a good heart.”

“I know.”

“You need to be careful with it.”

“I’d be a moron to be anything less.”

Rio nodded at you.

“You need to love him like he deserves.”

“I do.”

For the first time since you had met her, she smiled at you. At you. And it wasn’t forced, it was genuine. It was warm. It reminded you of all the times Miles had smiled at you.

“Do you?”

“I do.”

Rio nodded again, exhaling in satisfaction. That was it, apparently. That’s all she wanted.

You stood up, picking up your bag and walked to the door. You had already kissed Miles goodnight. Rio followed behind you. You opened the door.

“Thank you.”

You turned around, humming in confusion.

“Thank you,” she repeated, “for what you do for him.”

You smiled.

“Always.

It’s what he deserved.

[terukotime]

You say you don’t like the killer reveal, why? I actually think dev made some great choices and I’d love to talk to you about your perspective.

i don't want to get too deep into it because, like i mentioned in my previous post, i don't want my criticism to come off as negativity towards the series or discourage anyone involved in the production of the show because it's honestly not a huge deal. like, it in no way ruins the show or makes it less enjoyable for me. and i don't think the choice of who the culprit is is a bad one at all, i'm mostly unsatisfied with the way the chapter handles it.

[spoilers beneath the cut, obvi lol. and please remember this is just my opinion. me having and expressing my opinion is not hate towards the series. i'm nervous enough as it is posting just this and not a bigger essay on all my thoughts because i really don't want to have this be misconstrued, nor do i want any criticism i have to give, regardless of how innocent and respectful my intentions, to make drdtdev or anyone who works on the series feel bad.]

i think Ace being the killer DOES make sense. i have no qualms with him being the blackened, in theory. do i think he could've made for a great survivor, or have really interesting growth throughout the coming chapters? yeah! i would have loved for Ace to be kept around for much longer. but him being the killer this chapter isn’t inherently bad. it's now clear that there's a specific direction Ace's character was meant to go in this story and i think that's fine.

my problem is with what *didn't* happen with Ace's character up to this point.

the chapter hasn't concluded yet so there's still a chance for my thoughts to change, though i don't think it'll make much of a difference. but i'm still waiting to see if it can stick the landing. and even if it doesn't, that's okay. i've already accepted it, i'm just still disappointed by it all the same.

Ace, honestly, hasn't played much of an active role in the story. he's been a source of conflict and comedic relief, and that's okay, not every character has to be as important as Xander or David...but he hasn't really gotten to *do* anything. this series is very character-driven, and thus is very focused on the relationships between other characters. Ace has only had one notable relationship (outside of his feud with Nico, but i'm not really including that as a "relationship" for obvious reasons), and that was with Levi. and that didn't even stay positive for very long. and we also know now that Levi didn't even care about him to begin with because he doesn't care about people in general.

not only did Ace never really get to establish any other relationships, no one ever LIKED him. of course a good portion of the fandom likes him, but in the actual story, no one cares about him. no one will miss him. his death is honestly kind of meaningless character-wise. does it serve as a lesson to some of the other characters? sure. but he's going to be dying here with no one ever liking or caring about him.

Min's story wasn't just a cautionary tale. people did like her, people did care about her. she was friends with a lot of characters, she got to have an impact in the daily lives of others. we got to know her better, the things she liked, her deeper thoughts and opinions on things. she got to do stuff, and we got to learn about her. her death meant more to the characters beyond just being the first culprit. she died as a person, not just as a character.

most of the stuff we know about Ace is surface level or things confirmed in Q&As. he doesn't get to contribute much aside from the aforementioned conflict/comedic relief. i understand where the show is going with that idea, and why him not being liked by anyone is a specific part of what led him to murder, but that's not really what irks me. it's that Ace never got to really be a *person.* he's essentially a plot device, serving the greater "good person" theme going on this chapter, and filling in the smaller roles in the story when needed, like an antagonist in a scene or delivering a gag. yes, his admittance to killing Arei and eventual post-trial trauma dump will give him a bit more humanity and character...but that's not really enough.

we only get to see Ace how the other members of the cast see Ace: his loud, combative, aggressive side. the side that makes people think he's nothing more than an angry meathead who can't do anything right. we never got to see much of his other sides, of a much more somber, melancholic Ace. receiving even a hint of the Ace we see in his confession of guilt beforehand would have given him the depth we needed before this point.

to explain what i mean: imagine how unsatisfying it would have been if we never got to actually see Arei's breakdown in the playground. if Teruko had left before it happened, and we only get to learn what happened from a flashback from David's perspective. we already feel the weight and tragedy of Arei's death when her body is discovered because we knew beforehand why she behaved the way she did, how she never even liked being the way she is, and wishing she could be a good person like Eden. if we didn't get to see that happen beforehand, Arei's death would feel very flat and detached. her character growth would've happened entirely retroactively.

that's how i feel with Ace. it's not like he didn’t get enough spotlight this chapter, he certainly did. but every scene he was in really didn't really add anything new to him. the only thing that "progressed" with him was his hatred and paranoia. we just see him descend with no uplifting moments, no emotional hook to make us feel anything for him. the closest we get is the scene where he's arguing with Nico and Veronika at lunch, ranting about how poorly everyone thinks of him and that they all assume that he's for some reason happy to be the way he is. but it's really the barest of scrapes towards the deeper layers of his character.

a big problem is that there were a lot of chances for his character to actively be *explored*, but instead, the narrative perspective of him stays completely stagnant. the time we get with him this chapter doesn't give him any greater focus. and sure, you could say that that might be a big giveaway to him being the culprit, but i think if the time between character spotlight is distributed evenly, that would be easily circumvented. there was a lot more time that could've been spent building Ace's character beyond his animosity and self-loathing tendencies. we could have had someone actually attempting to bond with him, even if it doesn't turn out well. even if all the characters distrust each other to varying degrees, there's still a lot of characters that like each other or have unique bonds with each other that make them stand out and feel worth remembering, because those bonds contribute something to their characters. but with Ace? he truly gets the short end of the stick, because this isn't just the characters neglecting him, it's the story itself. if Ace got to have a moment like Arei, maybe someone to confide in, even if he wasn't really friends with them or liked them at all, him being vulnerable just once and having a moment with someone else would have rooted him in more as a person who fell victim to what the killing game wanted from him and not just a fictional character fulfilling the purpose required of them in the story.

honestly, it's a bit of a slap in the face, the way the show goes about it. because in hindsight, Ace's whole character is *meant* to be wasted potential. after all, his related phrase on Mai's bio page is "a girl who had a bright future".

he was set up to have the potential to change, the potential to add more to the story, the potential to show us more than what we were given. and i think the show kind of knows that and specifically perpetuates that. the scene where Teruko tells Levi to give up on trying to apologize to Ace almost reads as the show itself telling you to give up on Ace. that, why should we care about him? he's not going to amount to what we want from him. there's no use in investing our feelings in him.

whether or not any of that actually was intentionally doesn't matter, unfortunately, because rewatching so many scenes having this new context really makes it all seem like Despair Time doesn't want you to care about Ace. that Ace is meant to be a waste, that that's the core of his character. him being the epitome of wasted potential could have been great, actually, if they chose to use even a slight bit of that potential to build him up more before his inevitable demise. instead we watch him eat shit throughout the entire show thus far only for him to get royally fucked at the very end in the worst way possible. Ace's theme of wasted potential is only wasted potential because nothing is ever done with him. not actively, anyways. whatever his post-trial confessional is like won't really give us what we needed from the start. Ace didn't just deserve better in his life. he deserves better as a fictional character. he deserved to be a person and not *just* a character. he deserved to have deeper, emotional character moments outside of the trial, long before his murder confession and rapidly approaching demise. he deserved to be 3-dimensional.

again, this is all just my personal opinion, and there's still a chance the show can stick the landing and make Ace as the culprit feel a lot more natural and deserved. i'm not really confident in that happening, but drdt is full of surprises as well as a lot of great writing. that being said, even though i believe they kinda fumbled the bag with Ace here, i don't hate this turn of events. although he's a big favorite of mine, i still wanted Eden to be innocent over him, because she's also a great character and her killing Arei would not only be pretty huge character assassination, but would also make Arei's death meaningless. and i also think there were other characters who could have been better candidates as the chapter 2 killer (not just Hu, i think Levi, Arturo, and maybe even J also could've made for compelling culprits with the right reasons).

i'm content with this. i'm heartbroken he's going so early and i wish the execution of his guilt had been a lot better, but overall it's not terrible. he just deserved so much more in many different ways.

[animepopheart]

Yahello! While I’ve been on Tumblr since 2011, I thought I’d post a short intro for new follows and all those who’ve followed over the years but don’t really know me.

Name: Twwk

What this blog is about: Fanart, mostly anime-related and mostly from Pixiv, all reposted with permission!

Are you known for anything? Not particularly, but I am the founder of Beneath the Tangles, which occupies a really unique place in the anime blogging world as a site where Christianity intersects with anime. We also have a Tumblr: @beneaththetangles​!

Favorite anime: Oregairu, Toradora, Cowboy Bebop, Demon Slayer, many Studio Ghibli and Mamoru Hosoda movies, and so much more!

Anything else?

Yes! Here’s a few other random items:

I’m half-Korean and half-white. I’m married and oldddd.

I’ve been a light novel fanatic these past few years.

I’ve been watching anime for long time now, but I’m still going strong. Here’s what I’m watching these days.

I’m not a voice actor, but I’ve made some wonderful friends in the industry. I love and try to support the people in it!

Ditto with cosplayers!

I’m a Texan and a graduate of UT-Austin. Come see me at one of the Texas cons during summertime!

My first love is actually 80s and 90s pop culture. I can probably talk way more about Star Wars and The Princess Bride than even anime!

I’ve contributed to some awesome collections of writing on anime and fandom! I’ve also written pieces in a few other places, like on Anime News Network.

Want to know more about or see photos of me? You should probably check the me and personal tags!

I love getting messages. Please send me asks or start a convo with me! Apologies in advance, though, if I’m a little slow to answer. But please send them anyway and let’s get to know each other!

[justanotherfanartist]

taps mic. ahem.

help a student write a dumb rvb research paper? pretty please?? for funsies???

This is exactly what it sounds like.

My current final of the year for my language composition class is a massive synthesis + argumentative research paper on any topic of our choosing, and Roosterteeth + RVB has too much messy junk going on that I’m knee-deep invested in mentally at this point to pass up the opportunity to write about it.

And yknow, I see a ton of media analysis posts coming out of the fandom all the time and I’ve always loved seeing it and reading into it and sharing ideas and whatnot and this feels like my way of doing that too.

Essentially what I’m reaching out for is for you guys to help me crowdsource resources and share your ideas with me to include in my term paper*.

things that would be wizard cool of you to send me are:

any interviews or behind the scenes with the cast and creators you happen to know of

your own analysis or hot takes of the characters or the show as a whole

what the show has meant to you

any clips of old Roosterteeth expos

for the older fans, a rough idea of what the release timeline looked like for the episodes and what the buildup and fan reaction was for each one

any commentary or hot takes on how the fandom has changed since you joined/that you know of

what Roosterteeth did wrong (writing wise and irl)

what Roosterteeth did right (writing wise and irl)

tropes within the show you noticed whether originated by the show or not

tropes within the fandom, things like similar portrayals or bad/good takes on characters or face canons that span artists

literally anything you can give me, media, commentary, or opinion wise

(not to say I can’t find things on my own, I already have, but this is also about varying opinions and the general outlook of the fandom as a whole and measuring the broader impact of a show like RvB and it would be incredibly cool of you to help me out even with just crumbs of character opinions)

The idea is to get evidence together from clips, personal anecdotes, and opinions so I can present an accurate read on the fandom, especially when it comes to fan interpretation of RVB vs Roosterteeth’s intentions for the show (and behavior as a company) and explore what the show was supposed to be, what it literally is, how people see it, what its impact has been, and a general overview of the it’s legacy and lifespan, that sort of thing.

My thesis is most likely going to end up something in the ballpark of “How Roosterteeth exemplifies the Franchisation of Indie Media” or “Why RvB is one of the most complicated/misunderstood/divisive shows in modern media” or “How Fandoms interpret and recontextualize media”

I’m going to guess that I likely won’t be able to post the finished paper up online without a solid buffer window to avoid the two mortifying scenarios that are (a) being accused of creative plagiarism and (b) having to tell my instructor that the tumblr account with a 100% match to my course final is, in fact, my tumblr account, are two things I desperately want to avoid.

However if I can, simply for the sake of contributing to the fandom and creating something for us to all contribute to and discuss and crediting various peoples’ help and input would be ideal and, if at all possible, that would be the end goal.

so yeah. if you’re up for it I’d love for you to dm me your thoughts or (more conveniently for the both of us) fill out this Google form down here!

*im not gonna, like, repost your detailed character analysis as my own or something. I’m just trying to find some good quotes, general opinions, and ideas from the fandom so that I can accurately represent them and do our little corner of the internet Justice. And also because the audience of a work is a massive factor in media analysis lmfao. and also to create a community sourced Fun Thing™️ we can all look at and bite the corners off of instead of watching Roosterteeth crash and burn in the backgroun

[highlordofkrypton]

ACOTAR FANDOM ANALYSIS

…because apparently I miss academics?

PART 1 - CONTEXT & FACTORS TO CONSIDER

This was originally supposed to be an addition to @praetorqueenreyna’s post, but it started to get long and I didn’t wanna clutter your post. If you haven’t seen her essay on ACOTAR fandom culture, please do check it out because she made amazing and very valid points that I’m just gonna ramble on top of.

OKAY, APPARENTLY, THIS IS GONNA HAVE MULTIPLE PARTS. AFTER I WROTE THIS I REALIZE THERE’S SO MUCH.

I do want to disclaim that this isn’t targeted to any one part of the fandom, merely observations from someone who is relatively new to the ACOTAR fandom (around April-ish). I’m also way too lazy to get sources and stuff. I’m also missing a lot of fandom history.

ABOUT FANDOM CULTURE

At its core, fandom culture is niche. It’s strange, it’s not cool in a popular way, it’s geeky, it’s awkward, it’s community-oriented and a place detached from the mainstream. Hobbies, interests and discussions that you couldn’t really have these conversations with anyone in your day to day because they needed to engage with the piece of media and even then, they needed to care about it enough to create, deconstruct, reconstruct, and contribute to the fandom.

Fandom comes with a sense of belonging. It’s about liking the media, yes, but it’s about liking the media enough that you want to immerse yourself in it. You want more than just the book, the show, the song, etc.

With fandom, especially on Tumblr, there are subcultures within fandom, based on a character, a ship, a spinoff, etc. Fans can find (or create) a community to connect with on specific parts of a media, and that’s a beautiful thing. While fandom is not perfect, and it has its dark, embarrassing, painful moments, over the years it’s developed its own unspoken rules. Most of the ‘subcultures’ stay among them, and even with drama, the overlap isn’t as constant as ACOTAR. Usually, it comes in waves, and evens out eventually.

Most importantly, fandom is a place where you can just be yourself. You can shake off the weight of the outside world, and just do your thing! There are so many politics at play and rules in your day-to-day life, why not get a little weird? Fandom is a place where you find your other weirdos, and the judgmental people are usually a minority.  It can also be really small and you know everyone in the fandom—shoutout to my other 4 Orm Marius homies!!

POST-PANDEMIC CONTEXT AND THIRD PLACES

When the pandemic hit, in places that were locked down, habits needed to change and there was nowhere to go. You couldn’t really escape, so online was the best place. You had people returning to old hobbies, such as crafts, gaming, reading, etc. You also had people searching for new things to partake in. Either boredom, coping with the new way of the world or just finding people to talk to, those are valid reasons.

I’d like to introduce the notion of third places. Third place is considered to be a place that is not home, work or school. It is a place where you can get out of your routine and decompress. Libraries, coffee shops, going to the bar, or anywhere else where you can just step away from the grind and the routine. These are social spots that help alleviate the weight of your daily pressures. For some, their third place was strictly an in-person event.

With the arrival of the pandemic, these third places became inaccessible and even after lockdown was lifted, some of these places were irrevocably changed—either they closed permanently or the hours changed in such a way that they were not accessible. For example, I used to spend a lot of time in my favourite bookstore because it would open at 8AM and close at 10PM. After the pandemic, it opens at 10AM and closes at 5PM. For someone who works, I can no longer use this as my ‘third place’.

For many fandom members, their third place was online. They already know the rules of etiquette from observing, and joining out of their own curiosity. Time spent in fandom teaches you the unspoken tenets of interaction. ‘Don’t like, don’t read,’ is one example. Additionally, being part of a small fandom, but loving something so much that you want to connect with someone, anyone, teaches you to be a lot more respectful of the space you’re entering. You may not like everyone all the time, but ultimately, your enjoyment of your fandom should precede everything else.

Joining a fandom on your own, or with a small group, is completely different from joining en masse. Now, you have many people seeking a place to ‘connect’ coming in with their preconceived notions learned from other places. Maybe a different subculture that isn’t fandom. Maybe an assumption of how fandom should be. 

BOOKTOK VS. FANDOM - CLIQUES VS. COMMUNITIES

I’ve heard the argument that the ‘popular kids’ joining fandom is ruining fandom. I’ve been thinking about this for a while now, trying to look at the demographics of BookTok and the patterns of behaviour that are associated with BookTok vs. fandom. I’m on BookTok, but I look for smaller communities, but I see all the drama, all the time.

Here are a few of my assessments:

All social media platforms allow you to cater your page and feed to what YOU want, but not all social media is community based. It is geared for content to consume, and feeds the algorithm to keep you on the platform, so that companies can pay the platform for advertising.

Most other social media encourage you to use parts if not your entire identity (photos, video, name, etc.) and I believe that creates a direct correlation to a person’s sense of validation when receiving likes, comments, engagement. Tumblr, on the other hand, rarely focuses on the identity of the person behind the screen, but rather you build your identity through what you share, the posts you make or reblog. It has shifted to be more similar to other social media (for moniessssss) but it wasn’t like this years ago. Over a decade ago, Tumblr used to be the only place where I could get fandom stuff and Deviantart.

Other social media platforms emphasize that you are the product. With the success of influencers, many people try to replicate the same success by using themselves, their talent and most importantly, their opinions on social media. BookTok is essentially an online book club, which means that it’s mostly sharing thoughts, and less about creation.

Content on social media, put out by influencers is created not with the intention for interaction, but rather, reach. People aren't used to the pushback and continuous discourse that happens on Tumblr where many people can chime in at once.

The desire to belong compounded with the impact of influencers on social media naturally sets people into two categories: creators and consumers. Content creators who have achieved success are placed on the same pedestal our modern society places celebrities on. Due to their following, some people might believe their opinions are more valid because there is a large number of people following them. Some people might be influenced by the ‘majority’ they see following an influencer, which is part of the course. That’s why they’re called influencers.

As a former marketing specialist, I’d like to assert that there are so many more factors in play than a valid take. Aesthetics are a big part of it, and charisma. Both of which fall under the same attributes as the ‘popular’ kids in school. As someone with a lot of charisma in person, I know for a fact that if you package something prettily enough, you can get away with anything.

The problem is: fandom doesn’t work like that.

Fandom is a place where unpopular opinions and niche things thrive. It’s the place where no one cares if you’re cool, and the pretty things come in forms of art (crafts, visual art, writing, etc.). It’s also a place for discourse for those who enjoy that, digging deeper into themes and what not.

The problem is: you have a subculture that is largely an echo chamber and largely one-sided 'community' entering a space with an established dynamic with a lot of back and forth. Sometimes, the rule in fandom is that the rules don’t apply. 

I believe that this isn’t the root of the toxicity, but elements to consider when speaking of the ACOTAR fandom which, like Reyna said, feels like an amplification of the worst elements of fandom.

It's super late here, so I'll come back to actually start saying something LMAO CAUSE THIS FEELS LIKE A WHOLE LOT OF NOTHING.

[autumngold]

i’ve been going through some real tough times during the past few days (the entirety of october, not to mention the past two years, particularly), and i’d like to say that i’m really thankful for this community and all of the support i’ve found in here.

i’ve been kinda watching from afar for years now - always reading the fanfictions, liking the memes and gifs of the boys - but i’d never really allowed myself to participate (?) - i had never shared any posts related to bad omens up until their first concert in my home country.

not only i decided to get more involved in the face of hardship/the need to connect with other people, but also because i wanted to be able to talk about the good things, too: the band, art in general, the kinder and softer parts of life etc.

and i know it might not always be great - unfortunately, some toxic stuff does happen around here, too - but i’m really happy to find out that that’s far from the norm.

i’m thankful to all of you who have interacted with me and/or my posts since i came around. thank you for all the kindness you’ve shown me. this has been one of the most comforting aspects of my life right now, especially during the past week.

and i know, of course, that i’m not the only person who’s been going through horrible stuff. whether it be material, emotional or any other kind of struggle, i know it’s always hard, confusing and disappointing when things don’t go exactly as planned.

and i do hope for better days, for all of us. for that unwavering peaceful feeling that blooms through your chest, that lets you know that it’s safe to be you. that it’s good to feel home.

in the meantime, thank you for all of your patience. thank you for also reminding me that shared struggle is half a struggle (and shared joy is a double joy). thank you for all of your contributions to this fandom and its presence on the platform. it’s fun to be here ❤️

[prismaticpichu]

as someone who has only played part 1 of the 7 remake, can u briefly explain why sephiroth is considered "good" by the fandom? im curious!!

Oh no… you’ve awakened the beast within! 😂❤️

Just kidding!! I’d be honored to answer, my friendo! 💕

~

In short, Sephiroth was technically always good once upon a time, even back in the og game. A huge staple of this man’s origins (as found out through a flashback) is the fact that he wasn’t born evil, wasn’t raised evil, but was rather a revered war hero who descended into madness—all of which is captured in a tragedy dubbed “The Nibelheim Incident.” (Aka a fiery massacre Sephiroth commits upon learning about his half-alien anatomy and 7 days of sleep deprivation). It’s made pretty clear (at least imo) that these circumstances turned Seph into a monster, and that the real Sephiroth was someone who died amid those 7 days. This is also corroborated by a very famous line by Zack (Cloud’s bff) that goes “You’re not the Sephiroth I used to know!” (Because the Sephiroth he used to know, the hero, is not the person standing at the end of his blade.)

So… there is that! But while OG FF7 does give us this foundation, and people absolutely enjoyed the little bits of sane!Seph that were fed to us through this flashback, it wasn’t until another game—a prequel—called “Crisis Core” that really took Sephiroth’s “pre-Nibelheim” self (the “war hero” part) and ran with it. Explored it, more like, and stretched it out to an incredible degree. It was in this game that we were really introduced to a Sephiroth who wasn’t evil; a Sephiroth who had two best friends; a Sephiroth who cared about his comrades and really wanted nothing more than to protect them. And it’s here that fans (myself included lmaoooo) absolutely love to HOARD these kind!Seph moments like precious gems.

A few noteworthy acts that contribute to Seph’s good heart:

• Saving Zack from a blast of fire

• Training Zack when his mentor deserts

• Offering to donate his blood upon accidentally injuring his best friend, Genesis

• Refusing to kill his best friends when they turn against the company he’s loyal to

• Goes out of his way to check in on Zack and allows him to return to Aerith (his gf) when her home is threatened.

• Overall just has a caring and patient aura about him.

I’d say this is where a majority of the “good” Seph fandom love comes from <333 Again, it’s always been a part of Seph’s origins that he was once a good fellow, but it was this game in particular that really expanded it—really fleshed out the human side of his DNA, really made him more empathetic than he ever was. And boy did it make his downfall hurt all the more in Crisis Core’s version of Nibelheim.

(Also worthy to note that, in regard to his fiery rampage, there is a lot of evidence pointing towards him being possessed. Nothing is confirmed, but it does cushion some of the initial fall. Absolutely not a justification—not an excuse—but it really just goes to show how this man was not himself when he crossed that threshold into villainy. He wasn’t the Sephiroth people knew.)

There is also Ever Crisis wherein teenage Seph is seen guiding some SOLDIERs around before the events of Crisis Core (the likes of whom he wants desperately to protect). But i’ma refrain from saying too much about that one bc we don’t have the full story of that one yet! ;3 💕

[shadowqueenjude]

hi, i agree with a lot of what you’ve said in your last post about acotar opinions that should be universal - but would you mind not throwing around diagnoses like that of DID with little to no context? i agree that tamlin was acting out of character to some extant, but i attribute that to sjm’s bad writing more than anything else, and i think pathologising the behaviour of a fictional character who’s already so hated (however unjustly) further contributes to the stigma. i don’t think he changed as much as the narrative’s attitude towards him. i’d be interested to know why you think he has DID because i can’t think of anything that would suggest the same. i apologise if i’m coming off as combative, but as someone who takes issue with the ease with which this fandom throws around words like abuse - or pathologies/labels in general, i can’t help but implore you to think twice about this, or at least explain why you hold this opinion, if you don’t mind.

— i’m also not trying to imply that there’s anything wrong with tamlin or anyone having DID - just that there are a lot of misconceptions about such disorders, and having failed to find evidence supporting the same, wanted to understand your assertion a little bit more. which is to say i don’t want someone to think “if tamlin is bad and tanljn has did then tamljn is bad because he has did, ergo did is bad.” which is a terribly oversimplified statement and a bit of a reach, but within this fandom? i wouldn’t be surprised.

Hello! I am not just making the diagnosis on a whim, I have actually taken psychology courses and Tamlin fulfills many of the DSM-5 symptoms. DID often occurs as a result of severe childhood trauma, and Tamlin, apart from having abusive parents, was sexually harassed as a child by Amarantha which continued long into his adulthood.

I think the age break scenario does personally suit him as a character even more than the personality break.

Because it is at incidences of high intensity. So, not all of the pain he’s suffered is going to result in a crack. But it would build up overtime

For example, leading to the first crack being at childhood meeting with Amarantha, after two years of living with an abusive parent. Which creates a “brain save” in his mind of twelve year old Tamlin. Fast forward to UTM, where I am almost certain Tamlin was raped. Considering he already had past SA from Amarantha, the trauma he experiences UTM is likely to become associated with the experiences of childhood. So the “brain save” of age twelve will then mix with the new age of twenty three / five hundred

And a new crack is formed, creating a need for a new save. Think of it like a computer auto saving. It’s the minds way of seeing a future crash and ensuring that you don’t wake up not knowing who you are. In ACOMAF we see two distinct sides of him. We see one side that is gentle and kind as he was before, and we also see a more violent, panicky side where he seems to be losing control of his magic. If you want to know more, my friend @positivelyruined has actually had DID and recovered from it and she agrees with my diagnosis!

[thewillowtree3]

Korrasami Secret Santa 2023!! ;DD!!

Hi, Korrasami fam!! We're back!! ;D!!

We're doing Korrasami Secret Santa for 2023!! (Sike, I did not copy this part from Korrasami Secret Secret 2022, but the rest I will LOOL). 6 years and kicking, babey, let's go ;DD!!

The rules are the same:

Korrasami creators will be able to gift one another with Secret Santa gifts. Whether it be fics, art, videos, animations…the fun’s all there! (It doesn’t have to be holiday-themed! It can be whatever you want :)

The Process:

This Secret Santa exchange will be done through drawnames.com, which is a Secret Santa Name Generator. You’ll need your email for this, and you can message me it directly on Tumblr (I’ll gather everyone’s names up, and put them into the generator when it’s time to draw names.)

The due date to sign up is 11:59 PM Nov 30, 2023 PDT (I’d like everyone to have ample time to do their Secret Santa gifts). :)

Most likely, you’ll need to make an account on drawnames.com (you don’t need to, but it’s recommended.  When you get to writing your Wish List on there, under ‘Hobbies and Interests’, make two different lists: One for ‘Fic Requests’, the other for ‘Art Requests’. If a writer draws your name, you’ll have a suggestion for what you want them to write. If an artist draws your name, they’ll have an idea of what to create! (Also, originally, this project only had fanfic and fanart- but if anyone can contribute any other talents, that’d be swell!)

Example: Fic Request- I want Korra and Asami cuddling at home with a fireplace!

Art Request: I want Korrasami going otter-penguin sledding!

The fic and art requests can be the same, or they can be different. Please limit it to one, or if you can’t choose, then two options. You can also note things that you don’t want (i.e. No smut or NSFW work!). You can be as specific as you wish.

Also, everyone else! We recognize that there may be people in the fandom who don’t create content, but still want to contribute! @lamftw​ came up with these great ideas four years ago, if you’d still like to participate in the Secret Santa. You can:

Create Korrasami memes! The more memes, the better :)

Share your favorite Korrasami headcanons! We’d love to hear them.

Share your favorite artwork/fanfic!

Share your favorite moment from LoK or share how much Korrasami means to you.

Create Korrasami memes, write a sweet holiday message/ note of appreciation :)

Also, we can all show some love to our favorite creators, to Bryke, Janet Varney, and Seychelle Gabriel (the voice of Korra and Asami, respectively). :)

When everyone has signed up, I’ll put all the names into the Secret Santa Name Generator. You should get an email, asking you to join the Secret Santa exchange. Just click ‘Join Group’, and you’re good! Once everyone has joined, the names will then be drawn, and you’ll get your chosen individual (you’ll get an email for this too). Please remember to check your email on Dec 1; we cannot draw names unless everyone has joined the Secret Santa group!

The reveal will be on Dec 19, 2023 (the 9th Korrasami Anniversary ;DD). Post your work on Tumblr, and tag the person you got, so they’ll know what lovely work they got! Also, please tag ‘Korrasami Secret Santa’ so we can save these posts for the future :).

Please note that if you sign up, you HAVE to commit to making something. This is open to all creators, of any skill level, but please please make something if you sign up. You don’t wanna leave anyone hanging!

Last note- remember to message me on Tumblr and give me your email. That’s the way to sign up! :)

Let's freaking go, y'all! LET'S MAKE THIS A GOOD ONE!! ;DDDD!!

Spread this to all your creator friends! LET'S GO FAM!! ;DD!!

6 YEARS IN A ROW!! LEGGO!! ;DDDD!!

Note- 11/27: Hey y’all, I’ve been shadowbanned recently LOL. Idk when Tumblr will unban me and give me my account back so ;__;. Because I’ve been shadowbanned, I cannot see any messages about the Korrasami Secret Santa :((. If I don’t get my account back before Nov 30th, I’ll just have to postpone the event and make a new date for it/prolong the posting date. I’ll keep y’all updated ;__;.

Note-11/28: Y’all, I just found out- Y’ALL CAN SEND IN ASKS!! I can still see them!! ;DDDD!! So if you still wanna join, please send me an ask with your email. I’ll still be prolonging the join/posting date if I don’t get my account back before Nov 30th, but this is a solution in the meantime!! :33

[musicalmoritz]

A more positive take on fanon Aoinene

I’ve talked extensively about the problems with how Aoi and Nene are characterized by fans of the ship, and I’m not here to take it all back. However, upon reflecting, I realized I may have contributed a bit towards fandoms’ negative perception of femslash. That was never my goal, my point in all my Aoinene-critical posts is that femslash ships deserve to be treated with just as much nuance as slash ships. This includes criticizing them without needlessly bashing them. I’d say I’ve been successful in my journey to make the TBHK fandom take Aoinene more seriously, so today I’d like to celebrate that progress by talking about the things I love about Aoinene shippers!!

First off, Aoinene is among the top 10 most written for ships on TBHK ao3. It’s above multiple canon pairings like Aoi/Akane, Sakura/Natsuhiko, and Sumire/Hakubo. Whether you think it deserves to be above those ships or not, it makes me happy to see a femslash ship be so popular in a fandom. It’s still the only popular femslash ship in this fandom (as much as people talk abt Aoi/Mei, there’s still very little creations for it), but baby steps. Aoinene has so many fan fictions, edits, fan arts, fan accounts, etc. It’s rare for femslash pairings to be so popular in fandoms dominated by male characters. I think it helps that the women in TBHK are generally well-written and important, but I’d say the male characters still outnumber them slightly. So just seeing a fandom so invested in two women getting together is enough to make me smile

I know I’ve critiqued their characterization a lot, but I’ve seen some major progress lately!! Both with how they’re written, and with how the fandom talks about them. It’s not as often nowadays that I see people bashing the canon ships to put them down, and most of their fans seem to be capable of acknowledging their flaws. There are some exceptions ofc but I see Aoinene mischaracterization way less than when I first got into the fandom. I’ve seen an increase in people depicting them as “toxic/doomed yuri,” aka the term that lowkey saved sapphic ships in fandoms lol. Keep in mind that when TBHK first came out, femslash was not nearly as popular as it is now (and we’re only just beginning, there’s still a long way to go). It was common, and still is, for femslash ships in shonen fandoms to be depicted as the fluffy, unproblematic side pairing. Fans saw femslash as a way to take a breather from all the angsty men. Aoinene was turned into another boring ship among dozens, but they haven’t stayed that way. With femslash gaining popularity, I’ve seen improvement in how femslash ships are characterized all across the board

Onto the fics themselves, I have never read an Aoinene fic I disliked!! (Besides the weird ones I skimmed for shock value). The vast majority of them are super cute and written so prettily. When I talk about their mischaracterization, I’m pointing out trends I’ve noticed rather than the fics themselves. The reason you don’t see me talk this way about Teru/Akane and Mitsuba/Kou is because I simply don’t read that much slash fan fiction, even for mlm ships I like (not anymore at least, I used to be way more into slash). I’ve read through the ao3 tags for p much every TBHK femslash ship, but if I’m reading a fic that’s mlm or mlw it has to be suited to my tastes. I could definitely talk abt how Mitsuba and Kou are mischaracterized by the fandom but I don’t really bother with fics that write them that way so it’s not gonna nag me to the extent that Aoinene mischaracterization does.

I'm saying this because I don’t want it to seem like I’m targeting them unfairly compared to other ships, I point out room for improvement because Aoinene is my favorite and I want to see more diversity in the way they’re written. Hear that? Diversity, the problem isn’t the fics themselves, I just want to see more where they’re written in a way that explores their conflict. Fics like this already exist but they’re not as common. My gripe isn’t wanting to see less of a “bad” thing, it’s wanting to see more of a really good thing

And also…not everyone has to agree with me. There are some sapphics that just want to see completely fluffy wlw content, or that want to limit the angst to “it was one-sided :(“. And ykw? I may want to see more than that, but if other fans want to keep writing or reading them a certain way then that’s great. There are also shippers who wish Aoi and Nene had been written differently, and I agree. I wish their friendship was given more depth than the crumbs we get in canon, though I still hold out hope that AidaIro will give them development. Some shippers specifically wish Aoi had been a lesbian, and that Nene had been the one to understand her rather than Akane. I disagree with this take- well okay I would love a canon lesbian character but I’m happy with Aoi and Akane being canon + I like that Aoinene have their own set of struggles. But if other people wish the manga had gone in a different direction then they’re perfectly entitled to that opinion. I don’t have to agree with them, and they don’t have to agree with me

Now I want to talk about some Aoinene fanon tropes I love because I don’t see people do that with them that often:

• When Aoi gets all flustered over how strong Nene is…the reverse is cute too but I have a soft spot for damsel in distress Aoi. Let Nene carry her girlfriend!!

• Fics that have Aoi open up to Nene and let them talk about their problems. THIS is the thing we need more of omg I love it. This is what Aoinene is all about guys

• The flowers!! There are so many flowers in Aoinene fics!! Ahhhhh I love it sm. That one Beecalm fic where Aoi owned a magical flower shop and Nene took one home…it lives rent free in my mind

• Them having constant sleepovers, it feels so biblically accurate

• When they’re always going out and doing things together like going to the beach or shopping; again it feels very true to their dynamic

• Aoi pining is great and all but when people turn Nene into the pining one it’s so galaxy brain. Obviously mutual pining is superior but Nene being down bad for her best friend is so real

• I’m a big fan of fics that acknowledge that Aoi only gaf abt two ppl lmao, when they show her obvious bias towards Nene is makes me giggle

• Any fic that includes Aoi’s mommy issues

• The theme of seasons in their fics!! Omg it’s so creative. “my summer, my winter” by novaselic is a personal fave of mine (in addition to Beecalm, novaselic is also on the Aoinene Mount Rushmore btw)

• I know it’s overused in sapphic fics but I love when they go on picnics

• Nene showing up late to class and Aoi being early

• I love when fics lean into the extroverted side of Nene’s personality or in general have her act like an awkward ball of energy. Yes she’s very insecure and angsty but she’s also so funny and it makes me happy when I see writers capturing both sides of her personality. This girl befriends ppl so easily in canon, we should talk abt it more

• Whenever they simp for Sakura. Idc which one of them it is, it could even be both of them, it feels so canon. Sakura being the Teru to Aoi’s Nene is something that can be so personal

• When their friends know they like each other and tease them/try to wingman. Wingman Akane you will always be famous

Okay I’m gonna end it there because I could yap abt Aoinene fics forever. I might need to reread some, or find some ones I haven’t read yet. Every now and then I go through the tag and find some I’ve missed. Orrrrrr I might write Aoinene fan fiction, I should see if I can finish the Snow White au this weekend. No promises tho

Anyways I wrote this as a love letter to the Aoinene community; I love you guys, keep up the good work. If it weren’t for ya’ll I’d be alone in my hyperfixation so I’m glad others enjoy them as much as I do <3

[occasional-drabbles]

Cardiology Runs on Caffeine

Figured I'd go ahead and contribute some to the Dr. Greyson fandom, inspired by @dawnbreakersgaze ! So enjoy.... this?

Third shifts can suck. Especially third shifts in retail. You have to hope that all of the stores you need are open by the time you get off work, or you have to keep yourself awake even longer to take care of errands, or wake up hours before your shift. Phone calls and appointments interrupting your sleep, killing your social time with non-third-shifters. 

Despite all of that, you wouldn’t trade third shift for the world. Sure, you get some… interesting customers, the occasional drunkard, but you also get the hard workers who are doing their best to keep things going till morning. The medical professionals, the students, the drivers, all of whom are so grateful that you’re still open. Those are your favorite customers. 

Just as you were thinking over that fact while tidying up behind the counter, you lifted your head when hearing the bell at the entrance to the cafe. 

“Welcome!” You greeted, just like always, only to get more genuinely excited when recognizing the familiar wavy brown hair from the doorway. “Ah, Dr. Greyson!” You greet, going to the counter. The poor man looked tired, but that didn’t stop him from offering you a brilliant smile that made your cheeks flush slightly. “Would you like your usual, or something new?”

Grayson hummed as he considered the offer. “Let’s go with a surprise.” He answered, nodding to himself as if to solidify the decision. 

You let out a small laugh as you started to get everything out, listening as he started to absently hum to the music playing on the radio. “Is this the start of your shift, or the end?” You asked curiously. How much caffeine does he need?

“It’s the start, and I have a feeling it’s going to be a long one.” He answered honestly, leaning against the counter to watch you work, even with your back to him at the moment. “But at least I’ll be starting it on the right foot, with some of your amazing handiwork to get me going.” By his tone alone you could picture the adorably confident grin on his face. 

You laughed at his flirtations, glancing over your shoulder at him, hoping your face wasn’t as flushed as it felt. “You flatter me, doctor~” 

You two fell into a comfortable silence as you worked, the radio filling the quiet. You did a few little tricks as you worked since it’s been a slow night and you can’t help it, really. Dr. Greyson is such a kind person, but well respected. The kind of man you can’t not like. Something about him compelled you to impress him, in what little ways that you could. 

It didn’t take long before you were offering him his cup, going through the usual transaction. “I know it’s easier said than done, but try to take care of yourself where you can, okay?” You asked him, glancing up from the register. “This might come as a shock, but I actually enjoy having you come by.” You teased, your smile widening to a more proper grin when seeing the tell-tale signs of a blush on his cheeks. 

Success!

Greyson let out a sheepish laugh, rubbing the back of his neck as he finally picked up his drink. “Aww, you flatter me!” He insisted, trying to keep his fluster from being quite so obvious, and failing spectacularly. 

You just grinned, settling your cheek in your hand. “I just speak the truth.” You returned playfully, knowing that you need to send him on his way soon… but you’re enjoying his company so much that you’re hesitant to remind him of the fact. Unfortunately, you know that you can’t be that selfish. 

“As much as I’d love to keep you all to myself, I should probably let you get going. Let you go be an awesome doctor, saving lives, all that amazing stuff.” You encouraged, even playfully moving your hands to shoo him out. 

Greyson laughed more heartily this time, leaving his usual tip for you as he got ready to leave, holding his free hand up in surrender. “Okay, okay, I’m leaving. But you need to take care of yourself too, okay?” He insisted, even pointing at you in playful ‘warning’ as he stood at the door, his grin never faltering. 

You offered him a salute in response, your amused giggles music to Greyson’s ears as he finally left to finish his walk to Akso. He already felt refreshed, and he hadn’t even tried the undoubtedly amazing drink you’d made for him yet. 

You hummed in content as you watched him go, your sorrow that your time with him today was so short gradually getting overshadowed as an idea began to form. 

And oh was this going to be beautiful. 

For the rest of your blissfully quiet shift, you were working on your little plan. Scouring your messages for information and prepping the materials. Perhaps this was some wild overkill, you aren’t even entirely certain if you could get away with it… but there’s only one way to find out! 

So once your shift ended and your coworker was there to take over for you, you gathered the drink carriers you’d just finished preparing, and headed in the same direction that Greyson had gone down just a few hours ago. You knew he worked at Akso Hospital, in the cardiology department, so you didn’t have to look completely foolish trying to figure out where he worked. 

Despite how brief your interactions always end up, you still managed to learn a lot about him and his coworkers, to the point you actually recognized some of them when they came in the first time at his suggestion. It still makes you chuckle, remembering their shocked and mildly concerned faces. Greyson had gotten such a kick out of it when you told him about it, to the point he had accidentally snorted hot coffee up his nose since you hadn’t timed it well enough. You still feel bad for that, no matter how much he insists it’s fine… 

Seeing Akso in front of you, you took a deep breath and walked in. The sun was just barely coming up, and honestly you were tired. But you’re also determined. Besides, if you’re tired, what of the doctors and nurses you’ve gotten to know here? 

Speaking of, you beamed when recognizing a familiar face at the front desk. “Yvonne!” You were quick to get to the front desk, careful not to spill your trays, setting them on the counter to let your wrists rest and to grab one of the cups out. 

“Well fancy seeing you here!” Yvonne returned, genuinely seeming surprised, but eyeing the cups hopefully. “I’m going to hope that you’re here to be an angel of caffeine, and not as a patient?” She asked, glancing up to you again. 

You nodded with a laugh, offering her a cup with her name on it. “I’m not here as a patient, no. I just got off work and thought it’d be fun to surprise everyone I could with a little ‘pick-me-up’. Greyson mentioned he had a feeling it was going to be a long day, so…” You trailed off as your cheeks warmed, offering a sheepish shrug to finish your mini-ramble. It didn’t help that Yvonne was grinning at you in such a cat-like way that if it weren’t a hospital, you’d be inclined to cover her face. 

“Wait here, dear. I’ll get Greyson to come down for you.” She reassured, picking up her work phone to call him up. You couldn’t quite hear what was being said, but you had a feeling you’d find out soon. 

As expected, Greyson didn’t take long to make his appearance. It was a little strange to see him all geared up, white coat and all. But it also seemed fitting. Really cemented the whole doctor thing. He looked downright exhausted now, your expression softening in sympathy. The fatigue didn’t last though, his confusion replaced with excitement when seeing you. It almost reminded you of a puppy, if you were honest. 

“What are you doing here?” He asked, though it wasn’t accusatory. A little concerned, but not upset in the slightest. 

Instead of answering him immediately, you pulled out his cup from the drink trays, offering it to him with a smile. “I come bearing gifts.” You teased lightly. 

You may as well have just told him you hung the sun yourself, with the complete and utter joy and gratitude that he was looking at you with. 

He accepted the cup easily and took a sip, letting out a content hum at the taste. His usual, exactly as he likes it. “You are a godsend.” He breathed, noticing the rest of the cups. “Are those for the others?” He asked, looking to Yvonne as she took a pointed sip of her own sweet caffeine concoction. 

Greyson looked to you again as you nodded, more sheepish now. “Who I could remember, at least. I don’t know if I’m allowed to take them back or not, though…” 

Greyson and Yvonne both looked at each other for a moment before sharing a nod. Yvonne took just a moment to provide a visitor badge for you, though she instead passed it to Greyson, who very gently settled it on your shirt. He made sure you had plenty of time to stop him if you wanted, but you were too flustered and surprised by the flurry of movement to actually intervene, not that you found yourself inclined to stop him to begin with. 

“So long as you don’t go far, it should be fine.” He reassured with a grin, grabbing one of the trays. 

You took the cue, picking up the other tray and following him as he led you out of the waiting room. He held the door open for you, leading you down the hallways. As expected, the hospital smelled very… clean. Sharp. But not unpleasant. Though, maybe that’s thanks to having the warmest person next to you, beaming at you. “Now, what prompted the surprise visit?” He asked curiously. 

You flushed, focusing on your tray because you feared you might combust if you looked up at him as you answered. “You mentioned that you had a feeling it was going to be a long shift… I figured you’d have a pretty good sense for when to expect long shifts, and my shift was pretty slow. So… I thought it’d be fun to make drinks for as many people as I could remember.” You shrugged sheepishly, glancing up at him again. 

Greyson’s expression had softened, but his smile never faltered. “That’s real sweet of you, y’know that?” He asked, even if he wasn’t really expecting an answer. 

Not that you were really given an opportunity to answer, one of the interns you’d made a drink for stopping you two in the hall. 

“Oh, hey!” They greeted, surprised as they looked between the two of you, glancing at your visitor’s pass for just a moment before looking to Greyson curiously. 

You let Greyson explain that you had brought drinks for some of the staff, checking the trays to figure out which cup went to the intern. As a result, you were oblivious to the intern realizing just how well you and Greyson were getting along. They didn’t dare comment on it, of course, but… they couldn’t deny it, either!

So instead they just thanked you profusely for the drink before hurrying down the hall again, likely having more stuff to take care of. 

Greyson led you to the nearest break room, setting the tray down to sort through them and figure out who got which cup. You’d even made a cup for Dr. Zayne, even if you aren’t entirely sure if he was going to be here tonight. He’s such a workaholic, you wouldn’t be surprised if he was. 

Greyson hummed softly as he sorted the cups, then turning his attention to you. “You’re an angel.” He told you, leaving no room for argument, but his tone was gentle all the same. There was affection lacing every syllable, and a weight to it that you couldn’t quite place. 

It had your face flushing despite yourself, rubbing the back of your neck as you looked away again. “It’s just… it feels like a little thing I can do to support you guys… you work so hard to take care of everyone.” You tried to explain. 

Greyson chuckled, considering for a moment before wrapping one arm around your shoulders to give you a small hug without overwhelming you, squeezing you into his side carefully. “That’s sweet of you. We do this job because we want to help people, but small acts of kindness like this help us get through it a little easier.” 

Glancing to the clock in the room, he honestly started to pout. “I should go ahead and let you head home, though. I don’t want to keep you up too late, and I can go ahead and distribute these to where they need to go.” He offered, his arm still around you as he led you out of the break room. “This really was an awesome surprise though, angel.” He hummed playfully, running at how flustered you got at the nickname. 

You couldn’t help but elbow him in retaliation, though you were careful not to risk doing actual damage or anything. Clearly you didn’t do any damage, based on the laughter that followed your ‘attack’. 

“Whaaaat?” Greyson whined playfully, still grinning as he looked down at you, holding his hands up in surrender. “I’m just telling the truth! You’re amazing, and it’s a fact!” He insisted, opening the door to the waiting room for you again. 

You were so distracted by Greyson’s teasing that you didn’t notice Yvonne and the intern watching you two from the front desk as you shoved Greyson again, even as your own laughter started to bubble up. “Oh shut up!” You fussed, trying to calm down at least somewhat. 

Greyson just looked proud of himself, playfully acting as if he were seriously thinking over the instruction before shaking his head. “Naaaah.”

You snort, rolling your eyes and waving him off. “Go back to being a smart handsome doctor.” 

There were a few beats of quiet as everyone registered what you had just said, Greyson finding himself starting to flush almost as much as you had earlier. You, on the other hand, thought you could combust right then and there with how flustered you were. 

“Um… have a good rest of your shifts!” You quickly said before hurrying out of the hospital, mentally kicking yourself for such an embarrassing exit. 

Yvonne was the first of the trio still in the hospital to speak, turning her chair towards Greyson and quirking a brow. “So…. you’re going to ask them out, right?”