#I’d have a good couple nickels LMAO

[shot-by-cupid]

I need everyone to get cool with selfship angst really quickly because I’m about to start torturing characters for fun (emotionally)

[lovemesomesurveys]

How many times have you ever ridden an elephant? Zero. Do you like cobblers? No. I don’t like fruit pies or things like that. What do you think about lord of the Rings? Not my thing. What kind of cup did you last drink out of? It’s a Disney glass. We have a few of them and each one has different Disney facts and pictures on them. Do you currently have any cuts or scrapes? Yes, on my right middle finger knuckle. I keep picking the scab. :X

Did you like Barney as a child? I was obSESSED with Barney. Probably annoyingly so to my parents with the songs haha. I remember this Barney in concert special that aired that my mom videotaped for me (I’m old, there was no DVR) that I watched over and over.  What color vacuum do you use? Our vacuum is black. Do you have a lot of clothes hangers in your house? Yeah. Have you ever been in a Latin class? No. Have you ever had bubble gum stuck in your hair? Yes. I fell asleep once with gum as a kid and it fell out of my mouth and into my hair. Is there any pet hair stuck to your clothing? Yeah. What do you smell? Nothing at the moment. Have you ever watched The Gremlins? Nah. Looks kinda ridiculous in my opinion lol. What is your favorite type of seashell? I don’t have a favorite type in particular.  Do you love 3-D movies? Nah. It’s annoying as someone who wears glasses to try and wear the 3D glasses cause I have to put those over my own and yeah. I’d just rather not deal with it. Plus, except for in some cases, it doesn’t really add much anyway. Have you ever used Proactiv? Yeah. Is your cell on charge? No. Do you like dirt or sand better? I’ll say sand only cause I associate that with the beach, which I love. When’s the last time you had a hamburger? A few weeks ago. Do you own an iHome? Not anymore, but I used to. Do you own a BEST FRIEND charm or figurine? What’s a best friend figurine? lol that sounds weird. Anyway, no, I don’t have either of those. What do you think about rainbows? I think they’re very pretty. Are you wearing anything on your head right now? Nope. Are you watching cartoons? No. I’m watching Catfish. Do you own a pet spider? EW NOOOO. Do you like mouthwash? It’s too strong and irritating for my mouth. Have you ever used a Ped-Egg? No. Ew, I’ve seen the commercial for that and it makes me gag cause it shows all the dead skin the person scraped from their foot. Blech. Do you like Olay products? I don’t use any. Have you ever gone on a cruise? No. They sound fun in theory, but actually going on one would be terrifying. The idea of just being out in the middle of the freaking ocean...sljfdkfjsldfk Do you use green pens? I have before, but no not regularly. I like black ink pens. Do you own anything that has a striped pattern on it? Yeah. Do you watch Wheel of Fortune? Not regularly, but I’ve seen it a few times throughout my life. Are there any fake tattoos on you? No. No real ones either. Can you roll your belly? No. When’s the last time you saw your grandpa? I saw my Papa back in September of last year. I last saw my grandpa in December of 2010 before he passed away. We were by his side when he did. :( Is there a rocking chair in your house? No. Do you call your animals “baby names”? Yeah. She has a ton of nicknames. Why does George Lopez say “I GOT THIS!!” in that voice? *shrug* That’s just his thing.  Do you have homework? No. I’m not in school anymore. Have you ever gone to a Monster Truck show? No. Well, have you ever seen the Nutcracker? Not on broadway or anything. I’ve seen a movie or animated version before when I was a kid, though.  Where did you get your bed sheets? Probably Kohl’s. Do you always use manners? I think so. Have you ever been stood up? Yes. Are your lips chapped? Yes. I’m always licking and biting/picking them. Have you ever been kicked in the throat? Ahh, no. I’ve accidentally hit myself in the throat, though. OW. Do you own a fishtank? No. When is the last time you were sick? I felt extra sicky this past Saturday. As far as like something like a cold, I got hit hard with the flu and bronchitis back in mid January. That really messed me up. I was down and out for like 2 months.  Do you like the song “Barbie Girl”? Sure. It’s a nostalgic thing. What do you usually order from Taco Bell? Bean burrito with no onions and extra sauce and sour cream and guac on the side. Sometimes I’ll add a couple Doritos Locos Tacos, too. If you have a cell, is it touch screen? Yeah. Crazy how that wasn’t the norm at one time, but now it’s weird if your cell phone isn’t a touch screen. Do you own a feather boa? No. Are you allergic to peanuts? No. Do you wear ribbons in your hair? No. Did you get into the Livestrong bracelet kick? I did. I had others as well, like one for ASPCA.  How many pictures are on the wall of the room you are in? 7. Do you use cheat codes on video games? I used to do that back in the day. Have you ever gone mudding on a fourwheeler? No. Is there a rolly chair in your bed room? My wheelchair, ha. What is your favorite flavor Jolly Rancher? I liked the watermelon, green apple, and blue raspberry flavors. I really liked the Jolly Rancher suckers they came out with, too.  Who is your favorite super hero? Iron Man, Spiderman, Ant-Man, Thor, and Star Lord. && who is your favorite Villan? Michael Myers, Pennywise, Darth Vader, The Joker, and Loki. Have you ever been to a church camp? No. Is there a trampoline in your back yard? No. Have you ever played Dance Dance Revolution? Nope. Have you ever swam in a creek? No. Do you enjoy running? Not at all. How long has it been since you last slept? Uhhh I woke up around 9AM yesterday and it’s 2:42AM now. What are your thoughts on Myspace? It’s dead. Crazy how that was the big thing at one point. I was obsessed with Myspace. I used to obsess over my layout and what I’d add to my page, like cute icons and stuff, my profile name, putting quotes and lyrics as my status, choosing my top 8, posting bulletins with surveys, and joining those train things lmao.  What is the last thing you dropped? A straw. How many nickels are in your possession? *shrug* A lot.  Is the sound on your laptop or computer turned off? It’s turned down pretty low.  How many items do you have in your “favorites”? I have a few things on my Bookmarks bar. Would you ever slide down a razor blade slide into a pool full of alcohol? A RAZOR slide? Uh, that’s a hard pass.  What is the last infomercial you saw? I don’t remember. How many magnets are on your refrigerator? Several. How many keychains do you own? A lot. I have a good little collection going. I love getting keychains. Do you own anything with a peace sign on it? Yeah. Have you ever been to Johnny Rocket’s? Yes. How many stuffed animals are in your room? I have a lot. I should count them all sometime.  Look up, then to the right. What do you see? The top of the curtains I have hanging up in place of the sliding doors I had for my closet. Have you ever done the “Cupid Shuffle”. I know the song and I’m familiar with the dance, but no I haven’t done it. Do you know how to do the Solja Boy dance? Again, I’m familiar with the song and dance, but I haven’t done it.  When is the last time you wore shorts? Years ago. Do you like elevators or escalators? I have to use the elevator. Have you ever layed on a tampur pedic? No. I’d love to have that kind of bed, though. It would be better for me. Have you ever been in Karate? No. What color is the nearest lampshade? White. Is there anyone in the room with you? No. How long has it been since you’ve eaten a Reese’s? Like a couple years. When is the last time you went to Walmart? A few weeks ago. Do you own any body glitter? Nope. What brand of hair straightner do you own, if you own one? I think it’s a Conair.  What is your favorite brand of chips? Doritos. Back when I could eat spicy things I would have said Cheetos cause of Hot Cheetos. What time was it 20 minutes ago? 2:34AM. When is the last time you pet an animal? Last night. Do you own anything from Aeropostale? Not anymore. I used to have some shirts and a couple hoodies.

[last-on-your-lips]

So I Quit.

Preface: I am a person bound not by finance or insurmountable need to find a purpose. I am bound only and ever by loyalty, often and easily to the detriment and predictably enough the break of my endurance. This is the tale of why this is a terrible thing in company with establishments I lose respect for while clinging to those I am loyal to.

To begin: I was scheduled to work friday night. The manager that held me by Contract of Loyalty texted me (per my request she do so) that she quit early in the day....

Lmao.

I am actually not that great a person after I become jaded to the ways of a too often stressful and unrewarding environment, and certainly not so attached to and enthused for my work that I'll waste my gas going to a shift that doesn't earn the money back for the tank. (See that I’ve been working in a place on the other side of town for nickels and dimes.)

So I spent a few hours trying to decide how I was going to fuck up the night for the folks that had by no measure earned my respect. Of course I began on the thought that I didn’t want to make the night harder than my absence already would, but you see my Lover insisted that I inform them in person that I was quitting. (I’d quit the same ownership/management once before and apparently ghosting them was unsatisfactory by his measure.) and I simply did not see fit to warn them when I picked up my check in the afternoon- already having spent the gas to go an extra trip to that side of town…

And the idea comes to me... I should go to dinner at work! In mind that I’m going to make an absolute ass of myself. You see, the goal here is that they won’t ever try to hire me back at this establishment, but after they get over it I can still rely on the GM and parts of the different shift crews for reference to character and ethic.

-They have no idea I'm quitting, although when I picked up my check my step must’ve had mischief in it because the second shift crew was looking at me like they knew something was up.

-I'm scheduled with my wife, who is absolutely down for however I decide we’re going to quit.

-I have friends that love to watch me make mischief and I know at least a couple of them will be available to go pull some absolute bullshit in the middle of the night. (I got that good crew.)

-Lover said I had to tell them in person that I was quitting… and I am an otherworldly and ethereal creature that can follow no insisted command at half measure.

-I don't respect the establishment or the crew I was meant to work with enough to give a fuck how this goes, and by all the gods I’ve prayed to, this is going to be a tale.

I invite for several of my trusted (tea drinking) friends, and I tell them I have no idea how this is going to go, but I’m going to dinner instead of work and I’d like for an audience to join in the fun.

These friends are all glamorous, kind hearted people who enjoy mischief when it doesn’t aim to maim. But understandably most of them had work in the morning or duty to attend to during the late hour of the night I was plotting about. So I was awarded two companions out of the handful I invited, and that suited just fine to the cause.

We arrived (dressed to go to the bar after a bite to eat) to find the majority of the last shift crew parked outside the store conversing. They see how I'm dressed up, heels strapped to ankles and belly peeking through my cardigan. The female companion in the group similarly dolled with all her length and grace in crop top and combat boots, and wife in her more muted (though all the same not uniform) leggings and cutout top. Flirting is initiated immediately, of course, in a cacophony of playful hoots and one liners. Then a pause…

"Do you... not work tonight? "

"Do I look like I'm going to work?"

Uncertainty silences the flirting, and the gentlemen take in what’s happening for a moment of appreciation before grins spread over their faces and styrofoam cups I hope were filled with soda are lifted in cheers. They were enthused to invite us to go home with them after we were done, if we needed to of course. Such gentlemen- I assure you.

We proceed to go inside and after a minute waiting and a playful banter with a highly uninvolved hostess, we’re seated where we won't hear them talking out their frustrations in the kitchen. This after one of them has told the manager relief showed up- but they are not in uniform.

Ten minutes in the manager on duty went outside with phone in hand and face painted in irritation- on the morning I would be confirmed in assumptions I had made. She went to call the manager that I previously mentioned had quit to ask if she could refuse us service.

(As relayed to me Saturday morning)

"Legally no."

"Well I just wanted to call you and see what you would do...."

"If I was there they would be working "

Her lover in the background: "She doesn't even work there now, stop calling her with your problems!"

So by fifteen minutes into us being present there is enough salt in the air I am wondering if I have actually wandered into a beach resort, because I can smell the ocean every time the server that refused to take us goes by (To be fair she and I are not friendly)

Her only words to us: “But I thought you guys were scheduled tonight, they told me I got to work with [wife]!”

“Oh, no, we warned you all last week that when [Contract Holder] quit we went with her. This is us quitting.”

“Oh… okay.”

Mind that we have been there for fifteen minutes and were not given so much as drinks until it was affirmed we could not reasonably be turned away. After all we were being perfectly polite, not making even an impatient fuss about not being seen to yet.

We get a server another five minutes into our visitation, and she's the only one that wasn't terribly upset by our presence. She was actually fairly amused about our antics and methods, and seemed fairly delighted to learn we really were there to eat, not cause trouble in excess of quitting via the meal. She did comment that she hadn’t thought us to be serious about quitting with [Contract Holder] even though she’d heard the last week’s warning, and we had a wonderfully cordial conversation about our reasons for going with her while we waited for our food.

Now we didn't do jack shit, just went there to eat instead of work, and the manager on duty made no effort to speak to us while we were present. We sat there cutting up and sipping through our drinks until we were chattering over the food, good company and good conversation even as the atmosphere around us was made bitter.  We ended up being there for about an hour and a half since they spent the first portion of our little sit in trying to figure how to not serve us for our shit, which I admit we were pulling some shit on principal.  Ultimately, however, I hurt nothing but feelings last night and it was glorious. They’ll get over their ire in a few days and I’ll certainly be off the list for rehire, but I think the folks I enjoyed on the team will be wonderful to talk to if I ever have a reason to go back to that side of town before they quit themselves. Turnover over there is just a bitch.