#I’M SO HAPPYYYYY I REALLY WANTED THIS

[pedrithink]

traitor ✩ kylian mbappé

summary: your boyfriend cheated on you, but you know someone much better. reader! singer

faceclaim: lily easton

Liked by k.mbappe, arianagrande, and 11.103.923 others

ynusername very happy atm

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user1 it’s so good to see you happy :(

user2 hope you know we’re always here for you

user3 he’s such a loser

user4 we love you

user5 love you love you love you

user6 wait why kylian mbappé like it lol 🤣

Liked by k.mbappe, kyliejenner, and 12.238.013 others

ynusername i love france

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user1 wait are you in france

user2 i love YOU

user3 MOMMY

user4 it’s really great to see you enjoying your life

user5 LOVE YOU

user6 kylian mbappé is here again

Liked by k.mbappe, ethanmbappe, and 15.027.837 others

ynusername summer vibes

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k.mbappe Thank you for this amazing week, you owe me a song! 😛

ynusername @k.mbappe got you, kyky!! heheh 🤍

user1 @k.mbappe @ynusername WHAT’S GOING ON

user2 AM I CRAZY OR

user3 KYLIAN AND Y/N?????????? BEST DUO

user4 you guys look so hot together

user5 grammy award winner and a world cup winner that’s so hot

user6 i want to have what they have and i don’t even know what they have

Liked by ynusername, antonelaroccuzzo, and 10.128.023 others

k.mbappe Amazing week 🙈😝

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ynusername i owe you a song and you owe me a goal 🫡 btw, ty for the company!!

k.mbappe @ynusername ❤️❤️❤️

user1 no but they’re so cute

user2 so sweet

user3 love you both

user4 Y/N LAST PIC LOL

user5 it’s so cool to see y/n happy again

Liked by ynusername, ethanmbappe, and 8.928.138 others

k.mbappe Allez Paris ❤️💙

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ynusername iconic goal 😝🫵🏻

k.mbappe @ynusername My lucky charm was there 🙈

user1 GOOOOOD YOU GUYS ARE SO CUTE

user2 best couple ever

user3 successful couple

user4 love you guys so much

user5 WHAT ABOUT HIS SONG?????? @ynusername

ynusername @user5 writing process 😛🫡

Liked by k.mbappe, arianagrande, and 10.238.981 others

ynusername ‘all too well’ & ‘lover’ out now <3

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k.mbappe This is so good, thank you 🤍

ynusername @k.mbappe always thankful about your existence in my life :)

user1 :( so sweet, i love you both!!

user2 NOT ONE BUT TWO SONGS

user3 i’m crying crying crying with all too well

user4 all too well is about cry cry cry and lover about smile smile smile

user5 we love it!!!

user6 i’m so happyyyyy

[sinful-mind-joyful-thoughts]

𝕿𝖜𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖉 𝕿𝖊𝖒𝖕𝖙𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓𝖘 | 3

read chapter 1 - here [MASTERLIST]

screencaps and gifs: Pinterest

Pairing: dark!Joel Miller x Fem!reader

Warnings/tags: MDNI 18+, DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT, BLOOD, Auctioning people, talks of BDSM, talks of virginity, talks of... Sex..aftercare..limits..NDA..discomfort...virginity..masturbation..anxity, Dom and Sub dynamics, Drinking , food, kissing, making out, Joel starts to get a little obsessive or toxic, Partying THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION, YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CONTENT YOU CONSUME

Summary: Finally 21 its time to celebrate in more ways than one.

WC: 6.8K

A/n: IM SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT, In a week I've become an aunt and had crazy work shifts but I'm here and ready to deliver greatness my loves

For notifications follow - @sinful-mind-joyful-fics

It had been a week since you last saw Joel. He kept you up to date with messages and calls every so often, but he and Tommy had been super busy with a job site. You were still at your desk in your dorm, drawing in your sketchbook, when Faith burst in dramatically with balloons and a gift bag.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUU, HAPPYYYYY BIRTHDAY!” Faith sang in a deep, raspy voice, pretending to be a jazz singer, making you laugh. “HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYY!” She put the stuff down and got down on her knees, taking your hand and making you laugh even harder. “My lovely hot best friend, 21 and as sexy as ever!” She dragged you up out of your chair. “A bar full of hot men is needed to celebrate now that you can drink legally.”

You couldn't help but smile at her infectious energy. “Faith, you’re crazy,” you said, but you let her pull you to your feet.

"Crazy about celebrating my best friend’s birthday!" Faith declared, grabbing your coat and practically shoving it into your hands with a gleeful urgency. "Come on, we’re hitting up the best dive bar in town. Drinks, dancing, and maybe a little bit of trouble!"

There was no way you could say no to Faith, especially not on your birthday. You hurried to get ready, slipping on your favorite dress—a deep blue number that hugged your curves in all the right places—and a pair of heels that gave you just the right amount of height. You quickly did your makeup, adding a touch of shimmer to your eyelids and a bold swipe of red lipstick.

As you both stepped out into the cool night air, you felt a mix of excitement and nervousness. It was your first time celebrating your birthday since you and Joel had started seeing each other, and the thought of him not knowing it was your birthday left a strange feeling in your chest. But tonight, you decided to focus on having fun with Faith.

The dive bar Faith chose was lively and buzzing with energy. Neon lights flickered, casting colorful glows across the room. The sound of laughter, clinking glasses, and upbeat music filled the air, creating an atmosphere that was both intoxicating and inviting.

“To the birthday girl!” Faith cheered, raising her glass.

“To a night of fun!” you replied, clinking your glass against hers before downing the shot. The burn of the alcohol was invigorating, and you felt yourself loosening up as the evening progressed.

As you sipped on your cocktail, Faith leaned in with a mischievous grin. “So, how’s it really going with Joel? Is he keeping up with your needs?”

You blushed, looking down at your drink. “It’s been... interesting. He’s supportive and kind, but sometimes it feels overwhelming. Like, I don’t know if I can keep up with everything he wants.”

Faith raised an eyebrow, smirking. “Is it the sex?”

You laughed nervously, shaking your head. “No, it’s more than that. It’s just everything happening so fast. I’m trying to adjust, but it’s not easy.”

Faith nodded understandingly. “I get it. It’s a lot to take in. But if anyone can handle it, it’s you. Just take it one day at a time.”

You smiled, feeling grateful for her support. “Thanks, Faith. I needed to hear that.”

Faith took a sip of her drink and gave you a probing look. “So, what are the rules with you and Joel? Like, are you exclusive or...?”

You hesitated, feeling a knot form in your stomach. “We don’t really have any rules. We never talked about it, so I don’t know what’s okay and what’s not. It’s confusing.”

Faith’s eyes widened in surprise. “Wait, you’re seeing this guy, and you don’t even know if you can flirt with other guys or not? That’s... kind of messed up.”

You bit your lip, feeling even more unsure. “I know. It’s just... everything’s been moving so fast, and with him being so busy, we haven’t had a chance to sit down and talk about it.”

Faith shook her head, a hint of frustration in her voice. “Girl, you need to get this sorted. You can’t just be in limbo, not knowing where you stand. It’s not fair to you.”

You sighed, swirling your drink. “I know. I just don’t want to pressure him, especially with everything going on. But at the same time, I need to know what’s okay and what’s not.”

Faith leaned in closer, her tone a mix of concern and determination. “You have to talk to him. Otherwise, you’re just going to drive yourself crazy. And if he can’t give you a straight answer, then maybe he’s not the right guy for you.”

You nodded, appreciating her honesty. “You’re right. I need to talk to him.”

Later, as you both sat at the bar, catching your breath, Faith nudged you playfully. “You know, Joel might be busy now, but he’ll come around. And when he does, he better make it up to you for missing your birthday.”

You chuckled, taking a sip of your drink. “He didn’t even know it was my birthday, Faith.”

Faith’s eyes widened in surprise. “What? Seriously? Oh man, we have to make sure he makes it up to you big time.”

You shrugged, trying to hide the small pang of disappointment. “It’s okay. He’s got a lot on his plate.”

“Well, tonight is about you,” Faith declared, raising her glass once more. “To you, and to the best year yet!” 

“To the best year yet,” you echoed, clinking your glass with hers. As you looked around the bar, filled with laughter and life, a renewed sense of determination welled up inside you. You would figure things out with Joel, one step at a time. But for now, you were going to enjoy your birthday, surrounded by the love and support of your best friend.

The night continued in a whirlwind of laughter, dancing, and drinks. The dive bar, with its pulsating music and dim neon lights, became a haven of freedom. Faith, ever the life of the party, had you dancing on tables and belting out karaoke songs with a fervor that had the entire bar cheering.

You laughed until your sides ached, twirling around the dance floor with Faith as your partner in crime. The world outside seemed to fade away, leaving only the vibrant, intoxicating atmosphere of the bar. Faith's infectious energy kept you going, her enthusiasm pushing you to let loose and embrace the moment.

“Another round!” Faith shouted, her voice slurring slightly as she ordered more shots. You both downed the fiery liquid, the alcohol coursing through your veins and amplifying the sense of reckless abandon.

Somewhere between the third and fourth shot, you found yourself on the dance floor, the music a throbbing backdrop to your blurry vision. Faith was right beside you, her arm around your shoulder as you both swayed to the rhythm.

“You know,” Faith said, her voice loud in your ear over the music, “we should call Joel. Get him down here to celebrate properly!”

You blinked, the thought swirling in your foggy mind. “Faith, he’s busy,” you managed to say, though the words felt heavy on your tongue.

Faith waved a dismissive hand. “Nonsense! He needs to be here! It’s your birthday, after all!” She fumbled for her phone, her fingers slipping on the screen.

“You sure?” you asked, the idea of Joel seeing you in such a state making you both nervous and excited. 

“Absolutely!” Faith declared, her determination unwavering despite her drunken state. She tapped away on her phone, her face illuminated by the screen. “There, message sent. Now we wait!”

As the minutes ticked by, you both continued to drink and laugh, the world around you becoming a blur of colors and sounds. Faith convinced you to join her in another round of shots, and you lost track of how many you had consumed.

The bar seemed to spin around you, and you clung to Faith, giggling uncontrollably. “I love you, Faith,” you slurred, the words coming out in a jumbled mess. “You’re the best friend ever.”

Faith grinned, her eyes equally glazed. “And I love you, birthday girl. This is the best night ever!” She raised her glass, though it wobbled in her grip. “To us!”

“To us!” you echoed, though your coordination was failing. The glasses clinked precariously, spilling some of the contents onto the bar.

Time became a haze, and the last thing you remembered was Faith’s voice, insistent and a bit more serious. “Okay, maybe we should... we should call Joel again. Make sure he knows... knows we need him.”

You nodded, though the movement made the room tilt. “Yeah, good idea.”

Faith tried to dial his number, her hands barely cooperating. After a few attempts, she thrust the phone into your hands. “You do it. I can’t... can’t see straight.”

With some effort, you managed to find Joel’s contact and hit call. The phone rang and rang, and just as you were about to give up, his voice came through, sounding distant and concerned.

“Hey?”

“Joel!” you practically shouted, your words slurring together. “We’re... we’re at the bar. You should come... come here.”

There was a pause on the other end, then Joel’s voice, a mixture of confusion and worry. “Are you okay? Where exactly are you?”

You turned to Faith, trying to remember the name of the bar. She mumbled something incoherent, and you relayed the message as best as you could. “We’re at... at the Dive Shack. Come celebrate... my birthday.”

“Alright,” Joel said, his voice firm. “Stay where you are. I’ll be there soon.”

The call ended, and you handed the phone back to Faith, a triumphant smile on your face. “He’s coming.”

Faith cheered, though it came out as more of a drunken squeal. “Joel to the rescue!”

As the night wore on, you and Faith continued your wild celebration, oblivious to the time or the curious glances from the other patrons. The bar seemed to tilt and spin, the neon lights blurring into streaks of color.

Eventually, you felt a pair of strong hands on your shoulders, steadying you. You turned to see Joel’s familiar face, his expression a mix of relief and mild exasperation.

“Alright, ladies,” he said, his voice gentle but firm. “Time to get you both home.”

Faith giggled, leaning heavily against him. “Joel! You made it! We were just... just talking about you.”

Joel shook his head, a small smile playing at his lips. “I can see that. Let’s get you both out of here.”

Joel managed to steer you and Faith out of the bar, his strong arms supporting both of you as you stumbled along the sidewalk. The cool night air was a stark contrast to the stuffy warmth of the bar, and it helped clear your head a little. 

Joel’s truck was parked nearby, and he carefully helped you into the passenger seat, making sure you were buckled in before turning his attention to Faith. She was swaying slightly, a goofy grin on her face as she leaned against the side of the truck.

“Faith, come on, let’s get you in the back seat,” Joel said, his voice gentle but firm.

Faith giggled, clumsily climbing into the back of the truck. “Joel, you’re such a hero,” she said, her words slurring together.

Joel sighed, shaking his head with a small smile. “Just doing what I can.”

Once you were both secured, Joel climbed into the driver’s seat and started the engine. The drive was quiet, the hum of the engine and the occasional murmurs from Faith the only sounds breaking the silence. You leaned your head against the window, the cool glass soothing your throbbing head.

When you arrived at Joel’s place, he carefully helped you both out of the truck and into the house. The familiar surroundings brought a sense of comfort, and you felt your body relax a little as Joel guided you inside.

“Alright, you two sit tight for a minute,” Joel said, helping you and Faith onto the couch. “I’m going to call Tommy to come pick up Faith.”

You nodded, your head feeling heavy as you leaned back against the cushions. Faith, however, had other ideas. As soon as Joel stepped into the other room to make the call, she quietly got up and made her way over to Joel’s mini bar.

“Faith, what are you doing?” you whispered, your voice barely above a murmur.

Faith grinned, her eyes gleaming with mischief. “Just one more drink to celebrate, okay? Joel’s got some good stuff here.”

You groaned, knowing this was a bad idea. “Faith, we’ve had enough.”

Faith ignored you, grabbing a bottle of whiskey and two glasses. She poured a generous amount into each glass and handed one to you. “Come on, just one more. For your birthday.”

You hesitated, but Faith’s infectious energy and the lingering effects of the alcohol made it hard to resist. You took the glass, clinking it against hers. “Just one more,” you agreed, taking a sip.

The burn of the whiskey was both familiar and comforting, and you felt a warmth spread through your chest. Faith giggled, taking another sip of her drink. “See? This is how you celebrate.”

Joel returned just as you were finishing your drink, his eyes widening in surprise. “Faith, seriously? More drinks?”

Faith shrugged, a playful smile on her face. “Just one more for the birthday girl.”

Joel sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Alright, enough. Tommy’s on his way. Let’s just sit down and wait for him.”

He guided you both back to the couch, sitting down next to you and taking the glass from your hand. “You alright?” he asked, his voice soft and concerned.

You nodded, feeling a mixture of embarrassment and gratitude. “Yeah, I’m okay. Thanks, Joel.”

Joel gave you a reassuring smile, his hand gently squeezing yours. “Good. We’ll get Faith home, and then you can get some rest.”

A few minutes later, Tommy arrived, his expression a mix of amusement and concern as he took in the scene. “Looks like you two had quite the night,” he said, shaking his head with a grin.

Joel helped Faith up, guiding her towards Tommy. “She’s all yours. Thanks for coming to get her.”

Tommy chuckled, taking Faith’s arm. “No problem. You two get some rest.”

As Tommy and Faith left, Joel turned to you, his expression softening. Joel gently guided you to the couch, but the alcohol coursing through your veins made it difficult to stay quiet. As he pulled the covers up around you, the frustration and confusion of the past few weeks bubbled to the surface.

“Joel,” you began, your voice slurred but laced with bitterness. “Why are you so busy all the time?”

Joel paused, his hand lingering on the edge of the blanket. “You know how it is, the job site’s been hectic. But I’m here now.”

You shook your head, the room spinning slightly with the motion. “It’s not just tonight, Joel. It feels like you’re always too busy. I barely see you, and when I do, it’s like I’m just an afterthought.”

Joel’s expression tightened, his patience wearing thin. “I’m doing my best to make this work. Maybe you could try understanding that.”

You sat up suddenly, the alcohol making you bold and reckless. “It's not just that. It’s... it’s the contract. I can’t stop thinking about it. We never even talked about it.”

Joel’s brows furrowed in confusion. “The contract? What do you mean?”

You felt a surge of anger, your words spilling out in a rush. “I don’t know where I stand with you, Joel. Are we exclusive? Am I allowed to go out and flirt with other guys? I don’t even know the rules!”

Joel sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I thought we were on the same page. Do you really need everything spelled out for you?”

“How could we be on the same page when we haven’t even read the same book?” you shot back, your voice rising. “I need to know what’s okay and what’s not. I need to know where I stand with you.”

Joel’s face tightened with frustration. “We’re together, aren’t we? I thought that was clear. Do I really need to put it in writing for you?”

Your anger flared again, the alcohol amplifying your emotions. “You know what else I can’t stop thinking about? How you ate me out but haven’t even taken my virginity yet. What the hell is that about?”

Joel’s eyes widened in shock, and he stumbled over his words. “I... I didn’t want to rush you. I wanted to make sure you were ready.”

“Ready?” you snapped, your voice dripping with sarcasm. “We’ve been dancing around this for a month, Joel. Do you even want me, or am I just some project to you?”

Joel moved closer, his expression hardening. “Of course I want you. But you can’t have it both ways. One minute you’re saying I’m rushing you, the next you’re saying I’m not moving fast enough. Make up your mind.”

Tears of frustration welled up in your eyes, and you struggled to form coherent thoughts. “I don’t know what I want! I just know this... this isn’t working. I feel lost, Joel.”

Joel’s tone turned cold. “Maybe if you stopped overthinking everything and just let things happen, you’d be happier. But no, you have to question everything, complicate everything.”

You pulled away, feeling a mixture of anger and hurt. “I need clarity, Joel. I need to know what this is.”

“Fine,” Joel said, his voice flat. “We’re together. We’re exclusive. Happy now?”

You shook your head, feeling the room spin again. “It’s not that simple. I need to feel secure, to know you’re committed.”

Joel’s patience snapped. “I’m here, aren’t I? I’ve been trying to balance everything—work, you, my own life. But it’s never enough for you, is it?”

You bit your lip, the anger still simmering beneath the surface. “We need to figure this out, Joel. I need to know where I stand with you.”

Joel nodded curtly. “We will. But for now, get some rest. Maybe things will look different in the morning.”

You lay back down, the exhaustion and emotions finally overtaking you. Joel stayed by your side, but his presence felt more like a reminder of the tension between you than a comfort. As you drifted off to sleep, you couldn’t shake the feeling that things were far from resolved.

The sunlight streamed through the window, intensifying the pounding in your head. You groaned, trying to bury yourself deeper into the couch cushions, but it was no use. The hangover had its grip on you, and there was no escaping it.

Joel walked in, a smug grin on his face. “Good morning, sunshine,” he said, his voice dripping with amusement.

You squinted up at him, your head feeling like it was being squeezed in a vise. “What time is it?” you mumbled.

“Almost noon,” Joel replied, handing you a glass of water and some painkillers. “Thought you might need these.”

You took them gratefully, gulping down the water. “Thanks. I feel like death.”

Joel chuckled, sitting down next to you. “I’m not surprised. You drank enough to knock out a linebacker last night. I didn’t know you had such a high tolerance.”

You winced, trying to piece together the events of the previous night. “Yeah, well, I don’t usually drink like that. Guess I found my limit.”

Joel’s grin widened. “You found it alright. But hey, at least you can finally drink legally now. No more sneaking around.”

You managed a weak smile, the corners of your mouth lifting slightly. “True. One perk of turning 21.”

Joel’s expression turned more serious, but there was a glint of amusement in his eyes. “So, how much do you remember about last night?”

You frowned, trying to sift through the hazy memories. “Bits and pieces. I remember Faith dragging me to a bar and us having a few too many drinks. After that, it’s kind of a blur.”

Joel leaned back, crossing his arms. “Interesting. You were pretty chatty last night. Said some things you might not remember.”

Your heart sank, a sense of dread creeping in. “Like what?”

Joel’s grin returned, a bit too gleeful for your liking. “Oh, you know, just some deep, heartfelt confessions about our relationship. But don’t worry, nothing too serious.”

You stared at him, trying to gauge his expression. “What do you mean?”

Joel shrugged, still grinning. “You were just really honest about how you’ve been feeling. But it’s fine, we can talk about it later when you’re feeling better.”

You felt a surge of anxiety. “Joel, please, just tell me what I said.”

Joel laughed softly, patting your hand. “Relax, it’s nothing bad. You were just a bit emotional, that’s all. It was actually kind of cute. I’ll tell you all about it once you’ve recovered.”

You groaned, burying your face in your hands. “I’m never drinking that much again.”

Joel leaned in, his tone turning teasing. “Well, now you know your limit. And hey, at least you got all those feelings out in the open. Maybe it’s a good thing.”

You peered up at him through your fingers, feeling a mix of embarrassment and curiosity. “I guess so. But can we just pretend last night didn’t happen?”

Joel smirked, shaking his head. “No can do. But don’t worry, I won’t hold it against you. Just try to remember next time that you’re a lightweight.”

You managed a weak laugh, the tension easing slightly. “Deal. And thanks for taking care of me last night.”

Joel’s expression softened, and he reached out to squeeze your hand. “Anytime. Now, let’s get you something to eat. You’ll feel better with some food in your system.”

It had been a few days since the night out with Faith and the unexpected, blurry encounter with Joel. Life resumed its usual pace, filled with classes, assignments, and late-night study sessions. Despite trying to focus, your mind often drifted back to that night. You hadn’t seen Joel since then, but he had been texting sporadically, his messages lacking their usual warmth and enthusiasm. Something felt off, and you couldn’t shake the feeling that things had shifted between you.

You were at your desk, working on a school assignment, when Faith barged into your dorm room with her usual energy. “Hey, birthday girl! How’s it going?”

You looked up from your laptop, managing a small smile. “Hey, Faith. Just drowning in work as usual.”

Faith flopped onto your bed, propping herself up on her elbows. “Well, I’m here to rescue you. We need to talk about your birthday night and what’s been going on since then.”

You sighed, setting aside your laptop. “Honestly, it’s been weird. Joel’s been acting kind of distant. I don’t know if it’s because of something I did or what.”

Faith’s eyes widened with interest. “Spill the details. What happened after we called him to pick us up?”

You frowned, trying to piece together the foggy memories. “I remember arguing with him, but it’s all a blur. I was pretty drunk, and I don’t remember everything I said.”

Faith sat up, a serious expression on her face. “Do you think you said something that upset him?”

You shrugged, feeling a knot of worry in your stomach. “Maybe. But he hasn’t mentioned it. He’s just been... odd. Like, he’s texting me, but it feels different. Distant.”

Faith pursed her lips, thinking. “Have you tried talking to him about it?”

“No,” you admitted, running a hand through your hair. “I don’t even know where to start. I’m not sure if he’s mad at me or if something else is going on.”

Faith stood up, determination in her eyes. “Well, let’s get you out of this funk. How about we go out for a coffee or something? Clear your head?”

You nodded, grateful for the distraction. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

As you both grabbed your coats and headed out, you couldn’t help but feel a pang of anxiety. What if things were changing with Joel? You pushed the thought aside, focusing on Faith’s chatter as you walked to the nearby café.

The café was cozy, with the comforting aroma of coffee beans and soft background music. You and Faith found a corner table, and she immediately launched into a story about her latest class project, making you laugh and momentarily forget your worries.

Midway through your latte, your phone buzzed with a message. You glanced at the screen and saw it was from Joel.

“Finished the big project. Want to celebrate tonight? Dinner at 7?”

You stared at the message, a mix of relief and apprehension washing over you. Before you could respond, Faith leaned over to read the screen.

“Ooh, dinner date! Looks like he wants to make things right,” she said, winking.

You bit your lip, unsure. “I don’t know. What if it’s awkward?”

Faith waved her hand dismissively. “Just go. Talk things out. And if he’s being weird, call him out on it. You deserve to know what’s going on.”

With Faith’s encouragement, you texted back.

“Sure. 7 sounds good. See you then.”

Joel responded quickly.

“Great. I’ll pick you up”.

You spent the rest of the afternoon working on your assignment, though your mind kept drifting to the upcoming dinner. As the clock ticked closer to 7, Faith took charge, helping you pick out an outfit and doing your hair.

“You look amazing,” she said, stepping back to admire her work. “Joel’s going to kick himself for acting weird.”

You smiled, though the nerves in your stomach hadn’t eased. “Thanks, Faith. I just hope we can clear the air tonight.”

When Joel arrived, he was dressed sharply, holding a bouquet of flowers that added a touch of elegance to the evening. You felt a flicker of hope at the sight, though the cautious tension between you was hard to ignore.

The restaurant he chose was upscale, with dim lighting and a sophisticated ambiance. As you both settled into a corner table, Joel ordered a bottle of red wine. The waiter asked for your ID, and you fumbled slightly before handing it over. Joel, of course, wasn’t IDed, which made you feel a bit self-conscious.

Once the waiter left, Joel leaned back in his chair, giving you a warm smile. “You look amazing tonight,” he said, his tone light and flirtatious.

“Thanks,” you replied, returning the smile. “You look pretty good yourself.”

The wine arrived, and the waiter poured two glasses. Joel raised his glass. “To finishing projects and new beginnings.”

“To new beginnings,” you echoed, clinking your glass against his. The wine was rich and smooth, and the warmth spread through you as you took a sip.

Joel’s demeanor was celebratory, almost too much so. He didn’t mention the argument from your birthday, acting as if nothing had happened. His eyes sparkled with a mix of mischief and charm, and you couldn’t help but be drawn in despite the lingering tension.

The conversation meandered through light topics—work, mutual friends, plans for the summer. You found yourself relaxing slightly, the wine helping to ease your nerves. Joel was attentive and flirty, his hand occasionally brushing yours, his eyes lingering on you a moment longer than usual.

Halfway through the meal, Joel reached into his wallet and pulled out a check, casually placing it on the table. Your eyes widened as you saw the amount—$300,000, the payment from the auction. You almost choked on your wine.

“Joel, what’s this?” you asked, your voice a mix of surprise and confusion.

He shrugged, a small smile playing on his lips. “It’s the payment from the auction. I thought you should see it.”

You stared at the check, feeling a mix of awe and uncertainty. “That’s a lot of money.”

“It is,” he agreed, taking another sip of his wine. “But it’s for us. To help us start something new. I didn’t want it to be about the money. I wanted it to be about us.”

You nodded, still processing the magnitude of the situation. “This is... overwhelming.”

Joel reached across the table, taking your hand. “I know. But we’ll figure it out together.”

The rest of the dinner passed in a blur of delicious food and comfortable conversation. Joel’s attentiveness and charm made it easy to forget the argument from your birthday, though a part of you still felt a lingering unease.

As dessert arrived, Joel leaned in, his expression turning more serious. “I’ve been thinking a lot about us,” he began, his eyes searching yours. “I know things have been intense, and I’ve been busy, but I want you to know that I’m serious about this. About us.”

You nodded, feeling a mixture of anticipation and anxiety. “I’ve been thinking a lot too.”

Joel took a deep breath, his gaze steady. “I want you to move in with me. I think it’s the next step for us.”

The proposition hung in the air between you. Your mind raced with thoughts and feelings. “Move in with you?” you echoed, trying to process the idea.

“Yeah,” Joel said, his tone earnest. “I know it’s a big step, but I want to build a life with you. I want to come home to you.”

You looked down at your hands, your mind spinning. “Joel, we’ve only known each other for a month. This is all so fast.”

He nodded, understanding. “I know it’s fast, but sometimes you just know, you know? And I know I want this. I want you.”

You bit your lip, feeling a mix of fear and excitement. “I don’t know, Joel. It’s a lot to take in.”

He squeezed your hand gently. “Take your time to think about it. There’s no rush. I just wanted you to know how I feel.”

You nodded, appreciating his patience. “Okay. I’ll think about it.”

As Joel walked you back to your dorm room door after dinner, the air between you was charged with a mix of anticipation and lingering tension. When you reached your door, you turned to him with a playful grin.

"You know, Joel, you've seen your home, but you haven't seen mine yet."

Joel chuckled softly. "True enough. Lead the way."

Entering your dorm, you gestured around the cozy space filled with art supplies, books, and posters of your favorite artists. "Sorry for the mess," you said, feeling a bit self-conscious.

"It's not a mess," Joel reassured you, looking around with interest. "It's... lived-in."

You chuckled. "Lived-in, exactly."

Joel wandered over to your desk, where your sketchbook lay open with various drawings scattered across the pages. He picked up the sketchbook and flipped through it, admiring your talent.

"I didn't know you were this talented," he remarked, his voice soft with genuine admiration.

Blushing slightly, you replied, "Thanks. Drawing helps me unwind."

Joel nodded, setting the sketchbook down and turning to face you. "I meant what I said earlier. I want us to figure things out together."

You nodded in agreement, feeling a rush of emotions. "I want that too."

Taking a deep breath, you moved to your dresser, grabbing a comfortable T-shirt and leggings to change into. "I'll be right back," you said, disappearing into the bathroom for a moment.

When you returned, Joel was sitting on the edge of your bed, holding your sketchbook. He had ripped a blank page from it, now studying it with a thoughtful expression.

"What's that?" you asked, stepping closer.

Joel looked up, a slight smile playing on his lips. "I found a blank page and thought I'd leave you a note."

You smiled warmly, touched by the gesture. "Thank you," you murmured.

Joel set the sketchbook aside and patted the space beside him on the bed. "Come here."

You joined him, sitting close enough that your shoulders brushed. There was a comfortable silence between you, a sense of closeness and understanding that felt reassuring.

As Joel sat on your bed, he looked at you with a playful glint in his eyes. "You know, there are a few things I've been thinking about," he began, his tone light and teasing.

You raised an eyebrow, curious and a bit apprehensive. "Oh?"

Joel grinned and reached into his pocket, pulling out a small piece of paper. "I made a little list," he confessed, handing it to you.

You took the paper, unfolding it to reveal Joel's neat handwriting. It listed a few bullet points, clearly meant as a mini contract, to outline your relationship's next steps and boundaries without overwhelming you :

1. Take your virginity – When you're ready, we'll take this step together.

2. Try a new restaurant every month – To explore and enjoy new experiences together.

3. Teach you how to play guitar – Sharing a passion and learning something new.

4. Move in with me – Start our life together in my place.

5. Exclusivity – We are committed to each other, no dating or flirting with others.

You looked up at Joel, feeling a mix of emotions. He smiled warmly, his voice soft but firm. "I thought this might help us both know where we stand and what we're looking forward to. No pressure, just a guideline."

You nodded, feeling a sense of relief mixed with anticipation. "I appreciate this, Joel. It makes things clearer."

Joel leaned in, his tone becoming more playful. "And remember, these are just starting points. We can add or adjust as we go along. The important thing is that we communicate and take things at our own pace."

You felt a smile spread across your face, the tension easing as you considered the list. "I like that," you said, feeling more confident about your future together.

You looked up at Joel, feeling a mix of emotions. He smiled warmly, his voice soft but firm. "I thought this might help us both know where we stand and what we're looking forward to. No pressure, just a guideline."

As you processed his words, Joel's hand gently cupped your cheek, his thumb brushing softly against your skin. "You look stunning tonight," he murmured, his eyes locked onto yours.

A blush crept up your cheeks as you smiled shyly. "Thanks, Joel."

He leaned closer, his breath warm against your lips. "I can't stop thinking about you," he whispered, his voice filled with a mix of desire and affection. "Every moment we're apart feels like an eternity."

Your heart raced as Joel's lips hovered just inches from yours. You could feel the magnetic pull between you, drawing you closer together. Unable to resist any longer, you closed the gap, your lips meeting in a tender, passionate kiss.

Joel's arms wrapped around you, pulling you closer as the kiss deepened. His hand tangled in your hair, while his other hand trailed down your back, sending shivers through your body. You responded eagerly, your hands exploring his broad shoulders and strong back.

As the kiss grew more intense, Joel's playful side emerged. He nipped at your lower lip, making you gasp. "You're driving me crazy, you know that?" he said with a grin, his voice husky with desire.

You laughed softly, feeling emboldened by his flirty demeanor. "Good," you whispered, your lips brushing against his as you spoke. "Because you're driving me crazy too."

Joel's eyes sparkled with mischief as he captured your lips again, this time with more urgency. The room seemed to fade away as you lost yourselves in each other, the connection between you growing stronger with every passing second.

The air between you and Joel grew thick with anticipation, his eyes darkening with desire. His hands roamed your body, fingers tracing the curve of your waist as he pulled you closer. Your breaths mingled, the heat building between you with every passing second.

Joel's lips moved from your mouth to your neck, planting a trail of hot, open-mouthed kisses along your skin. You gasped, your hands gripping his shoulders tightly. His touch was electrifying, sending waves of pleasure through your body.

"Joel," you whispered, your voice trembling with both excitement and need. His response was a low growl, his hands moving to the hem of your shirt, lifting it slightly to expose more of your skin.

Just as things were about to escalate further, the door suddenly swung open, and Faith barged in. "Hey, I was just—" She stopped abruptly, her eyes wide as she took in the scene before her. A mischievous giggle escaped her lips, and she quickly shut the door. "Oops, sorry!" she called out from the hallway.

The interruption brought you both back to reality. Joel sighed, resting his forehead against yours. "Seems like we have terrible timing," he said with a chuckle, though his eyes still burned with unfulfilled desire.

You laughed softly, feeling a mix of frustration and amusement. "Yeah, you could say that."

Joel pulled back slightly, his hands still resting on your waist. "We’ll have our moment, don’t worry," he reassured you, his voice tender. "But I should probably get going now. We don’t want to give Faith any more reason to gossip."

You nodded, feeling a pang of disappointment but understanding the situation. Joel pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead before stepping back. "Text me later, okay?" he said, giving you one last lingering look before he left.

As soon as the door closed behind him, Faith burst back into the room, her eyes gleaming with curiosity. "Oh my God, what did I just walk in on?" she exclaimed, flopping onto your bed with a dramatic sigh.

You rolled your eyes, trying to hide your embarrassment. "Nothing, Faith. Just... a moment."

"Just a moment?" she repeated, raising an eyebrow. "Looked like a pretty steamy moment to me. Come on, spill. What were you two up to?"

You sighed, sitting down next to her. "We were just talking, and things got a little... heated."

Faith's eyes widened with excitement. "Heated, huh? So, did you two...?"

"No!" you interrupted quickly, blushing furiously. "It didn’t go that far. You interrupted us, remember?"

Faith giggled, not looking the least bit sorry. "Well, you’re welcome for saving you from potential awkwardness. But seriously, how was it? Joel seems like he’d be a great kisser."

You couldn't help but smile at the memory. "He is," you admitted softly. "He’s... amazing."

Faith smirked, nudging you playfully. "Sounds like you’re really falling for him. But just be careful, okay? He’s got that whole mysterious, brooding thing going on. Make sure you know what you’re getting into."

You nodded, appreciating her concern. "I will, Faith. Thanks."

Faith leaned back, propping herself up on her elbows. "So, what’s next? You two planning another hot makeout session?"

You laughed, shaking your head. "I don’t know. We’re taking things one step at a time."

Faith grinned, her eyes sparkling with mischief. "Well, just make sure to give me a heads-up next time. I’d hate to walk in on another 'moment.'"

You laughed again, feeling a sense of relief and camaraderie. "I’ll do my best," you promised, grateful for her nosy but well-meaning presence.

As you and Faith continued to chat, your phone buzzed with a new message. Glancing at the screen, you saw Joel's name and felt a flutter of excitement and curiosity.

“Hey, I wanted to make it up to you for missing your birthday. How about a trip next weekend? Don’t worry about the details, just clear your schedule.”

You felt a rush of emotions, a mix of anticipation and relief. Joel was always full of surprises, and this gesture felt particularly significant after the rocky patch you’d been navigating.

"Who’s that?" Faith asked, peering over your shoulder with a grin.

"It’s Joel," you replied, a smile creeping onto your face. "He wants to take me on a trip next weekend. He said not to worry about the details and just clear my schedule."

Faith’s eyes lit up with excitement. "Ooh, a romantic getaway! Sounds like he’s trying to make up for missing your birthday. That’s so sweet!"

You nodded, feeling a warm glow of happiness. "Yeah, it is. I guess he really does want to make things right."

Faith nudged you playfully. "So, where do you think he’s taking you? Somewhere exotic? A cozy cabin in the woods?"

You shrugged, a dreamy look in your eyes. "I have no idea. Knowing Joel, it could be anywhere. He loves surprises."

Faith grinned, clearly enjoying your excitement. "Well, whatever it is, I’m sure it’ll be amazing. Just make sure to take lots of pictures and tell me all about it when you get back."

You laughed, feeling a sense of gratitude for her enthusiasm. "I will. Thanks for always being so supportive, Faith."

"Anytime, girl," she said, giving you a reassuring hug. "Now, let’s get you ready for this trip. We need to pick out the perfect outfits and make sure you’re prepared for anything."

[stripeydnp]

my live phukbang thoughts

- dan making the joint smoking hand motion definitely means they have partaken now.. god i wish they would make a high video even tho ik they never would

- the love between phil and the they’re touching joke (knee verison)

- DAN DOESNR KNOW WHAT RANCH IS?????????

- oh god as soon as they said ipad i knew what was coming

- finally an official hashtag

- i was excited to see their reaction to their own underestimation but dan had to use “horny”.. i mean…

- dan calling him dear ����😭😭 waa

- daniel needs to scrape his tongue (me too)

- THEY WENT TO GREECE TOGETHER? DID I KNOCK OUT AND MISS SMTHN? also the bracelet story is so funny classic dan moment

- phil so embarrassed by his bad purchase LMFAO CATFISHED he’s right tho dan would’ve laughed his ass off

- jump off “the bed”…. hehe

- AAHHAHAHA DAN IS SUCH A PRINCESS WITH HIS OH NO 😭 he needs his attention 👑

- forced to sarcastically say friend of the year meant to sarcastically say boyfriend of the year

- i love these two twinks who thirst over muscular men together but only want each other

- 🥹 phil wanted him to be happy more than anything. him feeling lost :(

- all of dans accomplishments and then phil saying he developed chronic illness in the middle 😭

- i’m sorry i let dystopia daily flop daniel i just couldn’t get into it 💔💔

- awww them just doing it for fun with no pressure is really what made it shine!!! their off the cuff banter and humor is what i love most ❤️ and it is always excellent in more casual videos

- this is getting me emotional they love us again

- IM SO HAPPY THIS TOUR IS GONNA MAKE THEM SO HAPPYYYYY YAYAYAYYYY

- pls pls just make more casual videos forever babies pls pls pls don’t script it more pls pls 😭😭😭😭 but make more viewers choose my outfits and do duo fits

- WE ARE SO BACK!!!!!

i love fhem

[clowns0up-felix]

Hiii I just wanted to say I really love your designs and how much character they bring your a real inspiration ngl

AWAWAAAA TYYY that makes me so so happyyyyy :,)

Character design has always been a big passion of mine and while obviously I’m not the best at it I get so happy when people like them,,,, and to be someone’s INSPIRATION HEELPPPPP !,!! HELP

My designs are all constantly evolving but I think it’s fun to look at how they change as I get to know them better hehe ^^

Ty for the kind ask

[kahlanmars]

BAD FEELING 14

I am so early it's getting annoying, you know, but I feel so happy when I write this! Also, I'm a GREAT Taylor Swift fan so if you think "Uhm, that's a funny coincidence" it's not lol.

Comment if you want me happyyyyy! I don't know if it's worth it to keep going, I don't know if people like it or not!

MASTERLIST

gif not mine

14. One kiss, one page

The first days in District Thirteen are far from perfect. The suit they gave you is the most horrendous piece of clothing they could ever choose, and make up is forbidden. It is like they want to erase all the pretty things from the world.

You asked to be placed in Haymitch’s room, but they told you it wasn’t possible if you weren’t married. 

You are in quarantine, which means no mom, no Effie and no Katniss, you are all in a room with a lot of beds and parasols and grey curtains. They love grey, from what you’ve seen. Perla and Lora are still asleep, they are worse injured than you, and Finnick is working with something technological speaking with someone, but you can’t sleep.

The bright side is that for a night you still have your man. Tomorrow he is sent to rehab, a violent and deeply wrong kind of rehab you can’t quite put a finger on. Are they trying to make him feel worse? Because he is a spectacular asset in the revolution, but even a genius can’t think straight with tremors and headaches. 

«Can I tell you something without sounding ungrateful? Because I am. I am deeply grateful that you saved me.» You say, while Haymitch is in your bed. His hands are already shaking from the addiction, but you like to think your caresses can make the situation a little better. He hums in pleasure in response so maybe you are right.

«Go on.» 

«I don’t like this place.» You whisper. «All these rules are weird. I am not saying I would go back to the Capitol, but…»

He shuts you up with a kiss. «You made your point.» And he made his. You couldn’t speak freely, not yet. From the Capitol to District 13 you are still in the game, just with another character.

«Maybe I will like it better after quarantine.» You humour him. «I really hope I’ll be able to visit you.»

«Perhaps you shouldn’t. They explained what will happen, and they mentioned rage, hallucinations, there is a reason why I’m in isolation.» You’ve seen him in bad places before, but hallucinations… that scares you a little, you have to admit it. 

«I can handle it.» You murmur looking at his blue eyes. 

«You don’t have to.» 

«Yes I need to.» You shake your head. «You are not my mentor anymore.» 

«I know but-»

«No. You are not my mentor anymore, or my employer for what it matters. You don’t need to protect me from the world, what have I told you before? I am an adult just like you. I took care of you before, I cleaned your mess and stayed with you. I’m strong, Haymitch. And I like you. And if we want to continue what we have, and of course you want to because I’m flawless and stunning, we have to take care of each other. Fifty fifty.» 

He is silent. You didn’t want to give him a lecture, but at the same time he has to understand that he is not your boss. The power dynamics in your relationship are fucked up, but you are not a damsell in distress.

But maybe you overstepped. «If, if you want to keep going with it, of course.» You add, and now your eyes are on the floor.

«I wouldn’t have begun something with you if I didn’t know about the revolution.» He whispers.

«Funny, I thought I was going to die in a week.»

«I knew you weren’t. I mean, there was a chance, but not a high one.» He lifts up your chin, forcing you to watch him in the eyes. «I’m not good with those things.» He confesses.

«I know. I just want to know if you want it. Because if you don’t want it’s okay, but if you would like to be with me, without any label of sort, just you and me… Well we know we work well together.» 

«I’m a mess.» He argues.

«Do you want it?» You insist.

«You are twenty four and I’m forty one.» He retorts.

«Do you want me?» 

«I’m not a relationship type.»

«I never asked for a relationship but if you don’t want me I deserve to know.»

He shuts the hell up for a moment, and you can’t help but think of the worst. «Are you tired of me?»

He takes your lips in a kiss so fierce and powerful that is almost violent, all of his strength is on your body, all of his weight on you. «Never.» He answers between kisses.

You smirk. «I have broken ribs, you savage.» 

«Oh fuck sorry, I didn’t think.» He tries to get up but you immediately take him and push him down to you. He didn’t think. Not “I didn’t think about it”, he didn’t think because he was so whipped by you.

«Nah-ah, mine.» You purr in his ear. «Is that a yes?»

He just nods. You get it’s hard for him, after his parent’s and girlfriend’s death. He was isolated from the whole world, he said it himself he didn’t want to get attached to you. You managed to keep him tied to you nonetheless. 

«I like you so much. You don't have to tell me anything but I want you to know.» Because he thinks he doesn't deserve this. And maybe, just maybe, if you keep repeating it he will believe you.

«You have to get some sleep, sweetheart.» He kisses your forehead. You giggle at this exposure of tenderness.

«I don't want to waste time. What if there's a cute doctor and you fall in love with her?» This time you joke, but he rolls his eyes.

«Given the fact that I have been living like an hermit since I was seventeen, I think you are pretty safe in that field.» You hope. You tend to be the jealous type, you were with Clark and it wasn’t a sensual situation, you don’t know how you could react to jealousy in a relationship. Even if yours is not a relationship.

«They will have their claws on you. You are handsome, you know?» You start peppering kisses on his neck. «All the girls want to be me.»

«You are delusional.» You aren’t. As much as Perla can joke about it and Finnick can says he is old, he is not even fifty, he has strong arms and blue eyes, and he is magnetic in everything he does. You feel a little safer just because he is in disguise as this drunk grumpy crazy man who doesn’t want to talk to anyone, but it’s a charade. And even when he was playing the part he used to go to every shop in District 12 to buy something, just to help the people who worked there with his victor’s money. During Christmas he sometimes gave candies to the kids, or he gave you the money to do so without his name on it. He has a great heart. You hope women don’t notice it too much. 

«Oh c'mon! Maybe this drunk character you've created is not that appealing, but you must know you are good looking.» Even Katniss said it, when he was younger he was a looker.

«I was. When I was sixteen. At your age I was already a wreck.»

«No you weren't! And you are not now.»

You stay silent for a moment, and you stroke his hair. 

You hate Snow for what he has done to him, and you can’t help but wonder why you are not a wreck. You should be, you killed two people. People who had a family, dreams, ambitions. You always thought you would have been traumatised for that, thinking they had mothers who cried for them, children maybe, as for the Capitol man. In reality it didn’t happen. You can sleep at night. The Capitol man was a rapist and he deserved it, and you repeatedly asked Clark to be in an alliance with you, you begged him, and he was actively trying to kill you from the start.

Are you just evil? You know Haymitch is not, and he tries so hard to be. Maybe you try so hard to be good because you are evil.

«How was she?» You suddenly ask. 

«Who?» He frowns.

«Marjorie.»

You are sure he will stand up and go away, and you see in his eyes he is about to do this but he squeezes your hand.

«We were very young. She was the baker's daughter, like Peeta. She was beautiful. All the boys wanted her, you know.» He indulges himself to be a little proud of his younger self, who succeeded in conquering the most beautiful girl in the district. You ignore the sting of jealousy, because it’s nonsense. She is dead.

«Did you love her?» 

«I was sixteen. Sneaking in the meadows to have sex is not exactly love.»

«It is at sixteen.» You press a kiss on his cheek. «I'm not going to say it.» You didn't deserve this, you were a kid in a game stronger than you. And she didn't deserve it either, barely in a young love. It is not your fault. Not everyone you love will die. It is not a curse. You are not the problem.

«Thanks.»

He takes your face in his hands and he gives you a long deep kiss. 

«You survived.» You can read his mind: you managed to survive despite him, it is a miracle, he should probably leave you alone because a miracle doesn’t happen twice. 

«I'm pretty hard to kill. Thanks for the water.» You want to keep the conversation on a lighter note. He is done talking about his late girlfriend, it’s a great gift he even agreed to this at all. 

«No problem, gorgeous.» He pats your leg. Oh if you weren’t in a room full of people you would have know how to spend the last night with your man. 

«Would you read for me?» You suggest, «Since we are not sleeping. I want to read all the books you have, I've always been envious of your library.»

He laughs. «I clearly remember you stealing my books while you were cleaning.»

«What can I say? Now I've read all the books beside your bed. We know each other better.»

He nods, amused by your ability to speak your way out of any situation. «Little thief. Good thing you are so beautiful.» He is in a playful mode now, so he leans down for a peck.

«Shhh, read the book. Pleeeease.» You blush a little, but two can play at this game. 

He takes a book from his bed and goes back to you. “Tales of Panem”, you didn’t read it. He is right, you borrowed several of his books. He had Capitol books, and the little school library in the district has four or five books. You had to.

«One kiss, one page?» He suggests, but your hands are already on his chest.

«One kiss, one line.» You debate.

«We will never finish the first chapter.» He laughs, but he kisses you anyway. You won.

«We have all night. Are you complaining?» You pat his arm, and he bites your neck. You should be more aware of marks now that you’ll live with your mother again.

«Never.»

The separation is not messy because he is not here when you wake up. There’s a note instead.

See you later, gorgeous. Take care of yourself, and visit when I’ll be better. Not before. Trust me, I’ll miss you.

H

Of course, he avoids the big goodbye. Maybe it’s better this way, you would have said something bad about the District.

«Can I get up?» You ask your nurse when she comes, and she caresses your cheek. You want to say to her you are not a kid, but it’s actually cute. 

«You’ll take medication. Your body will be in shape in two or three days, ok?» 

«Three days?» You whisper in disbelief. In Twelve everything was a big deal, you had a tiny hospital but it wasn’t so good and nurses here and there, like Katniss’s mother, who did what they had to do. Holly took care of pregnancies, for example. You didn’t want to be sick in Twelve.

«A lot of Capitol doctors are rebels, so now we have their medicine.» She explains. You nod, thinking how the hell doctors could know about the revolution.

There are a lot of things you have to catch up on. 

«Thank you for saving me.» You add, and you know she didn’t do anything but it’s her home, and as much as you don’t like they still saved you. «I’m Daisy.»

«My name is Inez.» She greets you. There is something weird in her tone, though. Something like an accent. Yours.

«You… you have my accent?» You are surprised you see that, but after two weeks in the Capitol and one in the Games you are not used to your accent anymore.

«I used to live in District 12 when I was a kid.» She explains, a sweet smile on her face. She looks like your mother’s age, maybe they know each other.

«What happened then?»

«I became an orphan, I was in the system, I was in danger and… it was another time, another life.» She strokes your hair. «I’ve seen you in the Games.» She murmurs while she takes care of your medication. If she wants to change the subject you are fine with it. «How you saved the girl from Eleven and the girl from Four.»

«I also killed the boy from my district.» You have to add. She was in an orphanage? That’s the life Holly spared you. 

«Wasn’t he going to kill you first?» She finishes it. «Do you really want to become a teacher?»

You are not sure anymore, if you have to be honest. You like kids and the prospect felt good in Twelve, but now you found out new labels of yourself. You like clothes, you like creating outfits, but in District Twelve it’s not really useful. 

«I think so, yeah. I mean a week ago I thought I was going to be dead so I didn’t think much about my career, but since I’m not, yeah.»

«We have a lot of District 12 kids and we are actually looking for a substitute teacher. Would you be interested in that?» Well, it’s a way to settle down for the moment. You are not a tribute anymore, you obviously are not a maid anymore, you might as well be what you wanted to be for twelve years.

«Yeah, I would like that.» 

She seems satisfied with the answer.

«So I’m sorry if I overstepped but… it is real?» Oh, the question. Everybody has The Question. Was it real? Was it for the cameras? Are you in love with a victor who won when you weren’t even born yet?

«Very real.» You confirm. She looks a little worried. That’s the prelude for your mother’s reaction.

«Isn’t he a little old for you? You are, what, twenty?» 

«Twenty four. And no, he is not a little old for me.» You sound cranky now and you get that it’s not good manners, but that’s not that nurse’s business.

She gets it, luckily. «He seems like a good man.»

«He is the best.»

She ties your hair in a ponytail and she caresses your face. «Are you ready to get up?»

Turns out you weren’t so ready to get up, because you have to sit down after five minutes. You don’t have any resistance and you just want to rest. 

The bright side is that you get to see District 13 and it sucks. There’s no silver lining for that, it’s horrendous. You are grateful you don’t have to fight to the death, but the place scares you. Everything is grey, there are a lot, a lot of tunnels and all the rooms are the same. You will get lost, you already know that.

Inez is near to you until you go to a room that looks like a cafeteria, and then she is gone again and you are alone.

For a moment.

«Daisy!» You’d recognize that voice everywhere.

«Mommy!» She hugs you tight, a little too tight given that you have broken ribs. You shouldn’t call her “mommy”, you are an adult, and truth to be told you almost never call her mom, but you really thought you’d never see her again.

«You are safe. You came back to me.» She strokes your raven hair, like you are a baby, and she refuses to let you go until you have to sit. 

She looks twenty years older. You are not going to tell her, but she has a lot of wrinkles on her skin and white hair in her locks.

«I thought I’d lost you.» She repeats, and now she is crying.

«You didn’t.» You are vaguely aware you are making a scene, and you don’t want Perla or Lora to see you. They don’t have their mom here. You didn’t even see Chaff, you don’t know if he is here or captured in the Capitol. «I’m here.»

«When you were in the games, I- I didn’t want to watch it but I wanted to see you, and…»

«I think I nailed it, didn’t I?» You try to take a lighter note, but she seems upset.

«The poor Undersee boy.»

The poor Undersee boy wanted to end your daughter’s life, but before you could say something like that to her you are hugged again, and this time you scream too.

«Effie!» You are beyond happy to see her. She was your light in the Capitol and you can be her light here, in a place that you know better. 

«My darling girl!» She winks at you and you hug her again, you want to keep her close. 

She is so different. She doesn’t have her signature wig, but she covers her hair with a foulard. Grey, of course. And she doesn’t have any makeup on. «Your wig…»

«I am a political refugee, darling. Can’t ask for much.» That is deeply wrong. She helped you get out of the games alive, she saved you as much as Haymitch did, and now they repay them with a violent rehab and insufferable rules. 

«You are still beautiful, it’s not something they can take away from you.» You try to reassure her, and it’s the truth. Even in a grey jumpsuit that is made to look bad she shines. 

«Well, let’s say we are here and safe. And you are my roommate.» 

You almost jump before you remember you can’t because you are bandaged. Inez would kill you. «That is fabulous! If we have any ashes I think we can make black eyeshadow.» 

«You genius girl, I missed you so much.»

Holly is there, looking a little confused. Well, she doesn’t know how much you became close to Effie Trinket during your time in the penthouse, but she will understand. Effie is a good person, people in District 12 need to understand that.

«Mom, can I lie down now? I’m a little tired.» You still call her mom, because you missed her. You missed her hug, and you desperately needed her when President Snow decided you were a target. 

You called her in your sleep when you killed a man, and it’s not her fault she didn’t hear you. 

Still, Effie was there. 

«Of course honey, can you handle going into your room alone?» You don’t think so, without Capitol medication you wouldn’t have been able to walk at all, but you don’t want to look spoiled or weak so you are about to say yes, when Effie snorts in a way that is somehow still ladylike.

«Nonsense, we can ask someone to carry her.»

«If she says she can, why bother someone?» Your mother argues. 

«Because she’s turning blue.»

«Actually,» You interrupt them. «I don’t think I can do it alone.» You don’t want to portrait Holly like the villain, but it’s true you are turning blue from the effort. 

With a satisfied glance Effie manages to ask a boy from District 13 to accompany you, but before you get to be in your bed, your mother stops you.

«Can we talk later?» She is worried, and a little angry maybe. You don’t want to deal with it right now. You know what she wants to say. You killed an innocent guy, you fraternised with the enemy, Effie Trinket is vain and shallow, and you admitted on national television you had sex with a guy who shared my class in first grade.  

«Later.» You promise.

When she goes away it’s Effie who caresses your hair. Your room is the same as all the other rooms, narrow, poky and grey, two beds with white blank sheets and a little tiny toilet with a door - thank all the gods.

«I don’t feel safe here.» You whisper, and she just nods. «Can you stay with me?»

You and her are both stuck with you, you remember Haymitch’s words. Your loyalty is with them, and Katniss, and Peeta and your friends. And your mom, of course. You have to remember that.

She kisses you on the cheek and tugs your bed before sitting on your sheets.

«Always, darling girl.» 

[iam-stargirl]

success story !!!

I was watching the Miami Grand Prix and I really wanted to manifest Lando to win so I affirmed and visualized him winning.

I got hella doubts because I wanted to manifest something similar (but not in F1) and they came second when I was affirming for first place so I was afraid the same would happen now. Buuut I realized I was identifying more with the fact that it was hard to manifest that for many reasons 🙄 so who cares

When the doubts came I’d affirm that even if I get doubts or believe it won’t be possible, that it would still manifest. Even when I was affirming I would get so fucking worried that it wouldn’t happen but I kept persisting and then he fucking won!! He won his first gp and I got to see it and manifest it😭 guys I’m so happyyyyy 🧡🧡🧡🧡

Update: I regret manifesting this after seeing what he’s said about Trump

[hoseoksluna]

LUNAAAA the exam went rly well!!! (i swear your words yesterday light my pen up on fire/j) thank you so much again, i'm so luck to have u pooks 🥹

I'M SO HAPPYYYYY

(btw you don't have to worry abt the series AT ALL, i fucking adore it) also why do you feel unsure abt it?

sry if i'm rambling, i have so much on my mind but wanted to talk to you <3<3

POOKS. I’M SO HAPPY & SUPER PROUD OF YOU AHHHHHH. YOURE AMAZING. 🫶🏻🫶🏻 and smart, and beautiful, and i love you.

and about the series. idk… it’s not really steam series, is it? everybody loved it and it got so much hype. now i feel like not many people like the berries series? also, i struggle a lot while writing it. sometimes, i do enjoy it but most of the time i’m stressing, worrying and… stuff like that.

i really can’t wait until it’s over, so i can move on.

please, always ramble. i love it. makes me feel less alone. 🩶

[charlotte-of-wales]

i’d like to thank AC Milan for their white see through jerseys and Pasadena for being hot so I can see christian’s sports bra lmfaoo. he literally has me giggling at my screen when I literally have never even watched a milan game before. the power this man has over us!! and i’m so happy he’s happy and thriving and playing a really important role! as I’m typing this real madrid tied but yk what it’s a friendly and it doesn’t matter!!

also the spanish is so random like where did he even learn that? i’d never heard him mention this until he got to Italy but honestly it’s cute and if he wants to practice his spanish I volunteer 🫡

he looked so happyyyyy but ac milan bottled that big time like blowing a 2-0 lead with 2 goals scored back to back by real madrid in like 3 minutes is no bueno

and I think the spanish is mainly due to how many hispanic players are on the USMNT since he pretty much grew up with them

[larrysblooming]

I posted 5,004 times in 2022

That's 5,004 more posts than 2021!

162 posts created (3%)

4,842 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

Big love for everyone here, thank you for making this year so special 💐💗

@lovingstheantidote

@genuinemusic

@anxiouslarrie

@bluewinnerangel

@lhrry

I tagged 3,851 of my posts in 2022

Only 23% of my posts had no tags

#lt - 499 posts

#hs - 336 posts

#hslot 2022 - 211 posts

#hl - 128 posts

#prev tags - 121 posts

#larry - 111 posts

#rainbows on tour - 106 posts

#😭😭😭 - 83 posts

#oh my god - 83 posts

#mp - 80 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#it’s just super unclear as to what this actually is and i don’t get why they’d want to confuse people in order to market an event like this

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

i wish kanye west a very merry rotting in hell

5 notes - Posted December 1, 2022

#4

💙💚 Larryversary 2022 recap 💙💚

September 28th:

- They played BTM outside the arena before Harry’s show

- Peace Ring for the 9th night in a row baby!!!

- Harry sang Medicine #gay

- Blue green lights during WMYB- the song Harry fell in love to *quiet sobs in the distance*

- Harry waved a pride flag over his head during Love of my Life

***BONUS: Gloria Gaynor posting the 1D version of “I Will Survive”

September 29th:

- Harry bluegreening on main via Pleasing promo

5 notes - Posted September 29, 2022

#3

I wanna change my pfp so I’m manifesting that Harry will be pictured holding some flowers at one of the upcoming shows 💐✨💐✨💐

5 notes - Posted September 30, 2022

#2

god she really is glitching because of all the new people joining TUMBLR GET IT TOGETHER GIRL

8 notes - Posted November 17, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I AM SO FUCKING DRUNK RN AND IM SO HAPPYYYYY KISSING YOU ALL ON THE MOUTH RN TODAY IS SUCH A GOOD FUCKING DAY AHHHHH

10 notes - Posted November 18, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[v-hope]

so… i made it to the migrants and refugees clinic 😳 if you guys don’t hear from me the upcoming semester you know why

[jojisribosomes]

IT HAPPENED

MAX ASKED KATT FOR MARRIAGE

HOLYSHIT GUYS I’M SO HAPPYYYYY!!!!! OMG OMG OMG OMG  ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ You had no idea how much I was waiting for this! I felt really happy when I saw Anisa getting engaged with Ian, but I was waiting for this announcement for years because I love Katt and she would be the best life companion for Max. I still remember how Katt would hint Max in 2017 she wanted him to ask her for marriage, idk if that tweet is still in her Twitter but it was something like “Names of the guy who will ask their s/o for marriage in 2017″, “Max” was in the list and she tagged him lmao.

Look at that ring!

[zoomy-brain]

Y’all. I cannot explain how relieved I am Shadow and Bone turned out so good!!! I’m so happyyyyy!!! Thoughts and rambles under the cut!

Commission Info || Ko-fi

OKAY SO, short version: it’s really good, hot damn!!

Long version (spoilers btw): I was so worried mixing the six of crew with Alina’s story was gonna be weird and not work. But thank gods they have great writers on the team (and Leigh Bardugo), and it works very very well.

Alina’s story is, let us be honest, pretty dry and boring as a series. Most of the book goes into her inner struggle with her grisha powers and her self-image and her relationship with the Darkling, a lot of it is inner turmoil. Not so interesting for a series. So adding the Six of Crew before the plot of Six of Crows is a really good idea to fill up a lot of empty space, and introduce the much more complicated characters, as well as how they work with each other. And after all the build up, when all the mains meet in the end, it’s so satisfying. Six of Crows andthe trilogy have always felt like seperate entities, but they somehow made me WANT to cross each other and be buddies. (Also Inej feeling enlightened by meeting Alina had me soaring, it was something I didn’t know I wanted 💛💛💛)

Casting is freaking perfect. The Darkling couldn’t be anyone BUT Ben Barnes, fuckin nailed it. Everyone‘s acting was amazing, Jesper especially was spot-on, Mal and Alina really took what they got and made it charming and interesting, Nina and Matthias are perfect in every way. The characters aren’t 100% the same as in the book, which is dangerous but they didn’t take anything away. In fact, they added and made it work for a tv-series format. Kaz is intimidating but he’s not all-powerful from the start, which is very different from the book but it still works. Alina is half Shu now, which I didn’t think would be necessary until she ran away to a Ravkan village, where they immediately look at her with suspicion, making her struggle to stay out of the limelight (heh) harder, so it DOES add something. There’s a lot of little things like that in every character that wouldn’t have worked as well in the book, but it does here because it’s acted and framed very well 👏👏👏

I’m surprised how much I love the magic system in the series. Reading the book, you can only do so much with your imagination. In the series, the effects are well done but what makes the grisha powers work, is the actor’s mannerisms when they use them. The harsh arm movements and the sound effects added to it, really make it feel like it’s an effort they barely have to think twice about. Aka, what the last airbender movie SHOULD have done.

If I HAVE to complain about 1 thing, it’s just that I wish the world was a little more interesting. I blame this on my own imagination going wild when i was reading the books, but Ketterdam felt massive AS WELL as claustrophobic. The show has the claustrophobia down, but not the whole Capital-City-ness of Ketterdam. Maybe that’ll happen once the Six Of Crows arc starts? I also thought the Little Palace was wayyyyy underwhelming. Especially knowing the kind of architecture Russia can come up with when they built palaces, that shit should’ve had more domes, bruh. But then again, alternatively, the Fold was really well done. A problem a lot of films have these days is that none of them know how to film Dark Scenes. As in literal dark, lights out, scenes. See: any DC film ever, except Wonder Woman. The Fold wasn’t blindingly dark, you could still clearly see the characters and their expressions. What made the Fold work was the pressing dark mist that was always hovering over them and how people talked about the Fold. Kinda like how Voldemort became intimidating solely by how other people talked about him. As well as the Stag’s forest. Mmmm that’s some good snowy scenery 👌👌👌

Other notable moments that made me go “FUCK YES, GOOD SHIT”: Nina gets her waffles in season 1, Jesper meets the second love of his life Milo, 2 heists, Kaz announcing them as heists, mission impossible-esque filming of said heists, plottwists that weren’t in the books (which means the writers thought of us, the fans, and i love them for it), Alina’s Sarcasm, Ben Barnes, Inej gets to circus, Jesper gets frisky in the stables, Jesper gets to Show Off, Kaz gets to Go Off, Nina has Volumes, the Shag’s Majestic Antlers (tm)

Just- oof- so good. I need more people to talk with about Shadow and Bone, the adaptation that’s doing it Right. It’s sooo good, I finished yesterday and I wanna watch it again already.

[acewlwtoast]

Sonntag 12:15

Okay, so I wasn’t sure if I should still post this, since the clip has already been out for a hot minute and I just started editing, but some of my discord friends motivated me enough to finish this.

Okay, im actually so happy to see the Cashqueens again!

I absolutely love Kieutou, but Fatou's story isnt only about that, so I'm happy to see this group again. Even if the mood in general is a bit weird rn? But I'm pretty sure they can all figure it out, and i hope we get more great Cashqueens content soon!

THE HAIR JUST- IVE BEEN LOOKING AT THIS FOR FOUR HOURS NOW

also they're just chilling. I love it.

Fatou wants to tell themmmm

Ava COMPLIMENTS YES

also you’re right, that hair is beautiful. (I will never stop talking about it)

I mean. I don't really want to bash any characters (except for maybe Constantpain), but the way Mailin just interrupts their casual conversation about their hair, to loudly bring up police brutality? I don't like it. I mean it's nice that she is informing herself, but it kinda makes it seem like she is more parading around that she actually cares for black people. It seems a bit as if she feels like she needs to prove to Ava (and Fatou) that she is actually being such a good activist by informing herself.

I don't think she should be informing herself to prove something to others, but to become a better activist herself. And the way she talks about these topics at the moment seems really insensitive, especially when she interrupts her friends talking about something that is (as far as I know) a pretty integral part of black culture.

(Also. I'm white. I'm sorry if I say something which is hurtful for anyone in any way. I'm trying to talk about this as respectful as I can, but if I'm not succeeding in that, i would really appreciate if someone could tell me.)

And the way she directly asks Ava and Fatou if something like this has ever happened to them like?? Why would you think that's respectful in any way?? You brought up this topic in this setting, and are now showing them, what might be a triggering video? You already know that they probably have experienced many forms of racism, and to directly ask them about this extreme example....doesn't seem right.

It almost seems a bit like she's....idk trying to educate the others? They are obviously aware that these things exist.

And the others are just like....😐😒

I wanna thank Ava for changing the subject.

They still got a bit more than a week to be completely done with the store room (Kieutou making out in there when? 👀)

Fatou's mom trying to be supportive. It's sweet. And fatou doesn't seem overly annoyed by the message. I think she was already planning on answering, but didn't do it, when ava started talking to her.

Fatou feeling bad about forgetting the inventory list.....how can a person look this adorable?

Bestie pinky promiseeeee hell yessss

FATOU SPEAKING UP HELL YES I’m so happy she finally told them.

And Nora sitting back down to show that she will listen :) my queens

Nora’s reaction overall seems amazing. I miss seeing stuff of her. I know this has been discussed already, but I think I was also expecting to see more of Nora in Fatou’s

Also Fatou is so adorable can't stop smilingggggg

Her look at Ava....like she feels bad for not telling her first. But i mean, she tried. And she's doing it now :)

"Ja, ich will auch mit ihr zusammen sein/Yes, I want to be with her as well.", she says it so surely, and with that smile, i just- :)

I like that her friends are like "are you sure?" but GIRLS you didn't see those two together istg

Everyone is just waiting for Ava's reaction. And she forces a smile :/

Mailin with her "maybe we can get to know her better" is just makin me happyyyyy tho

And Mailin leaving Ava and Fatou alone, cos she knows that those two will probably want to talk about it alone as well. I really like that. And then Ava smiling at Mailin (idk if it's forced or not, but my point still stands) to say thank you? Love it. Love them all.

"I really wanted to tell you first"-"It's okay, i was really busy." It's true, and i like that it seems to be okay with Ava. I think her current mood might be more influenced by the things with her own family and Marc. I really hope we will find out more about that (be it on Friday, or in an Ava season 👀)

Also ava wanting to tell fatou about her stuff in a more private setting. I understand that. Fatou already dropped a pretty big bomb here.

I love that Fatou asks her to hang out. I love it. Those two are so important to each other, and they really deserve a Friday clip together (i still hope for a LOT of Kieutou content this week tho.)

Fatou getting her way by talking bout muuuusic i love it

Avo-kunst. I adore this woman.

I love Ava and Fatou.

This......was a nice Clip. I’m sorry if I don’t sound as excited as usual, but I still wanted to share some of my thoughts.

Y’all have a nice evening <3

[sukirichi]

hi sukiiiii~ are you doing well? ☺️💞I'm actually in the middle of a class right now, while browsing in my other social media account, hehehehe. Then I came up with this scenario, based on a meme that I saw, it goes something like this, uhm, a couple went to a fast-food diner and then the man asks his gf/wife if she prefers breast or thighs (ofc we all know he's talking about what part of chicken she prefers) but then the woman thinks that her man is just objectifying women, then the guy was like "uhm honey we're at KFC?"

BUT, i imagined it with naoya with his lovely wife (au) who's craving for some fast-food. It's Naoya's first time on a fast-food diner he's so against it at first. Still, seeing your enthusiasm on eating fast-food, he's like "fuck it. let's go." because we know, he's rich af, and is used to dine at 5 star hotels and prolly has personal chefs/cooks that is well-known and such, and then when y/n asks what he prefers he's like "ass" with his smirk. You're like😳 and the faces of the people around you is like😶😶

anyways, it seems like Naoya simps are growing, and I'm so happyyyyy. Take careeeee, wuv uuu😚💞

🐥

MY BABY CHICK ANON YOU’RE BACK! Yeah actually I woke up at 5am today and was kind of going into emo mode but after getting proper sleep, I feel energized and ready for the day! I started the day watering all our plants and just staying under the sun for a bit, listening to really calming podcasts so I feel great! I want today to be a great one so I’ll be on my grind today!

OH GOSHHH YES YOU ARE SO RIGHT! If you tell Naoya you wanna go to KFC he’ll be like

“we have chefs at home and you wanna go to KFC? 😒” but ofc if you insist, then how can he resist his wifey? (pout at him and cling at his shoulders, he’ll give in!) Naoya is sooo awkward at KFC like you probably forced him to dress down with black slacks and a white button up shirt (which is still formal, but Naoya claims he feels naked 😖) but after seeing how happy you are, he won’t say anything about it. Most of all I think he’d be bothered by the chatter and modern music because Naoya probably listens to Debussy religiously LOL. But yknow, once he hears your voice and feel your hands on his elbow, he really doesn’t care anymore. AND NOT THE ASS LMAOOOOO wheezed. He would say it with a straight face too.

“Ass 😐” and second hand embarrassment for everyone. You’d probably laugh but please don’t because teasing Naoya means getting punished once you get home...which doesn’t sound bad...but pick your own poison, Ig 😗 Oh yeah I think I’m seeing a lot more Naoya simps too and I tell you, HIS POWER like yes please join us. Naoya Fcker Club amazing. We’re like a family LMAOOO but fr tho the support and enthusiasm over Naoya makes me so happy 💕 Take care too baby, I love you too! 🥺💕

[ficsforeren]

I AM LEGOT CRYING KANA THAT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL. I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE AMAZED- NO, ENCHANTED BY YOUR WRITING MORE THAN I ALREADY HAVE.

the way you described their love for each other, the way you were able to convey their feelings and put it into such beautiful wording, I honestly don’t know what made me tear up, your writing or the story itself. I never put my phone down, not once because I just couldn’t stop reading (not even on the smut parts bro which usually I do cuz I need to take a lil breather yk) I was so focused on what was going on I didn’t want to miss one little detail, because this chapter was absolutely astonishing. My mind is literally blown, idk if I’m gonna be able to sleep tonight due to the fact that this is gonna be on my mind all night and I’m gonna be fangirling a bit lol. I swear you could write a book and actually publish it to stores and I would buy every single one of your books because not only would I be doing it to support you but for the your writing and the story itself, you always catch me by surprise with what you write I never know what to expect which is something I really love about your stories.

Onto the actual chapter: JABSVWKWPIW THEY FINALLY CONFESSED JAHALQJBWUDBCBIENRIWK RED ALERT RED ALERT WHAT DO WE DOOOOOO. I NEED TO BACK UP AND JUST THINK FOR A BIT KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR MY HORNYNESS WHICH IS EVEN WORSE RN BC IM ON MY PERIOD. WHAT THE FUCKKKKK I HAVE- STOP I DONT EVEN HAVE WORDS TO SAY ANYMORE THIS CHAPTER WAS AMAZING IM SO HAPPYYYYY. I LOVE YOU KANA AMAZING JOB ON THE CHAPTER. THERES NEVER A DULL MOMENT WHEN YOU UPDATE SSYGSTEBKSIDMW

OMG LAUREN?????? WHAT IS THIS

I'M--

THIS MESSAGE OMFG I WANT TO PRINT IT DOWN ON PAPER AND HANG IT ON MY WALL AKLSFJSAKLDJFAKSLD.JFKALSED THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SAYING THIS TO ME OHMYFUCKINGGOD YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME CRY

[becca-e-barnes]

Becca omg hi! How are you? How's school and work and everything else? And well I read all that stuff about you and umm I'm sorry I don't remember your boyfriend's name, but it was something about you having doubts or second thoughts or something... So how's that going on?

PS- I really don't mean to pry, I just feel like I haven't sent in anything in a long while, so here's me trying to catch up with you in one go! 💛

I met my bestfriend after 1.5 year (bcz we live in different states) and God I was sooooo happyyyyy! We had a girls' night in and it was sooo much fun! Although now that I'm back home, I miss her soo muchhh🤧

Hey sweetheart!! It feels like it’s been forever! 🥺 missed you boo! Work and uni are going well, long long hours and broken sleep and no real personal time but we’re powering through 💗 hope everything’s going well for you too!

Thats so exciting that you got to see your friend, I’m so happy for you!! Your girls night sounds lovely, hopefully it won’t be so long until the next time you get to see her!! 🥰

And I don’t want to bore people with my personal problems but I’m in a weird space rn honestly. Bc I think I blew the whole Instagram bio situation out of proportion. And I know I only did that bc I’ve almost been trying to sabotage the relationship recently? I’m just going through this phase of wanting to totally change everything in my life (except my jobs and my uni obvs, I’m loving those)

And I’ve freaked myself out because I know I have so much I want to do. Like is getting married even on my list of priorities rn? Is getting married to him even something I want to do? I love him and we’re great friends but at the minute I know I’m trying to ruin it because I’m so unsure of what I need. He’s fantastic for support, don’t get me wrong but I feel like I’d love some freedom and space rn (which is the stupidest thing someone in a long distance relationship can say lmao there’s hundreds of miles between us)

But what if I’ll never be happy again? Like what if I throw it away and realise he was my person? Not that I’m thinking about it but I just don’t know what I’m doing these days so I’m worrying about every outcome. I don’t feel much anymore but I don’t feel much about anything in my life really so it’s maybe just normal, who knows

And I have the most painful crush on this one girl. It would never work and I know that, it’s not feasible in the slightest but god I wish I could just try. And even knowing it won’t work makes me feel weird because I’ve got the most sensible brain ever. If something won’t work, I either find a solution or stop thinking about it and I just can’t stop. But there’s no solution so I’m just torturing myself.