#I needed Callum - Lexi time

[babygirlgalitzine]

Lola posthumously dismissing Callum's role in Lexi's life...Seems like once she married Jay, Callum became an irrelevance to her where Lexi was concerned. She was telling him how much Lexi loved/needed him 9 months ago.

lest we forget who lexi calls her dad…ben, callum and certainly not jay. it’s so infuriating to me, i hate the storyline, i hate the way it’s all being written and i’m absolutely over the fact that nobody at any given point thought “oh, maybe we should ask lexi what her opinion on the matter is, considering it’s her life?”

i think eastenders need to understand that all 3 can simply co-exist as her father figures and it doesn’t just have to be ben and jay (or just jay, as they seem to be pushing which….yeah i’ve got opinions on that one anyway)

[no-i-cant-decide]

For the Better (ao3 link)

Rating: General audiences

Word count: 922

Tags: Missing scene, comfort, bruises

Requested by @leximitchells

His keys were in-hand, outstretched towards the lock, but he hesitated. Closing his eyes, Callum took a few breaths and tried to anticipate the conversation waiting for him just beyond the door to the flat.

It wouldn't be good; he knew that much. But it wasn't as if putting it off for a few minutes would be any better. The throbbing pain beneath his left eye would only get worse the longer he waited to get ice on it, his skin forming a deeper, darker bruise. He didn't need Ben to be angrier at Jay than he already was. None of them did, Lexi most of all. But this was Ben. Of course he's gonna be pissed off.

Callum opened his eyes, turned the key, and headed inside.

"That was quick!" Ben teasingly shouted from the kitchen.

As Callum made his way down the hall to the living space, Ben came into view, stirring a mug of tea at the worktop. He had his back to the doorway, but started to turn his head towards it with a cheeky grin on his face.

"Can't tell if that's good news or-"

The smile dropped from Ben's face, as did the spoon from his hand as it clattered against the counter, his steely eyes fixated on Callum's cheek.

"I'm okay, Ben. I promise."

"I'll kill him." Ben's voice was cold, steady and quiet.

"Don't. I said I'm fine," Callum reassured him, taking the few steps needed to be within his husband's reach. Though both of them found comfort in each other's touch, Callum always made sure to be aware of Ben's boundaries now. The fearful look in his eyes when Callum had gripped his wrists during their last shouting match, the way Ben had ripped himself out of his hands terrified him. That he could unknowingly inflict that much hurt on the person he loves most, it cut him deep. 

Now, Ben's lip was twitching, his gaze flicking back and forth from Callum's eyes to the swelling mark. The fear he was feeling in that moment was for Callum's well-being, not his own. 

"I was more shocked than anything, really," Callum said with half a smile. "It's nothing."

"That ain't 'nothing,' Cal. He fucking hit you!"

"It's alright." Callum tried to soothe him, reaching out and placing a hand on Ben's arm, giving it a soft squeeze. "Guess it's all Mitchell men who get offended at the mere mention of counseling, eh?"

"Not funny." Ben lifted a hand to Callum's face, cradling his jaw, Callum reflexively leaning into his touch. "It ain't like Jay to try and knock your teeth out over something like that."

There was a familiar look in Ben's eyes, one that filled Callum with guilt; he was searching for an answer, as if he could see it hidden just behind Callum's irises. That threw Callum off a bit, casting his gaze to the floor and shifting his weight from foot to foot. Ben could tell there was more to it, that Callum wasn't telling him the whole truth. 

But he couldn't tell him. Not now that Ben was improving, truly getting better after suffering for so long. If he knew Jay was doing drugs and spending his time with a sex worker, Callum wasn't sure how Ben would handle it. If he could handle it. Tensions were already high enough in their house. And maybe Callum could get through to Jay on his own.

"Jay ain't really been himself lately."

That was as much truth as he could let himself say. It killed him to keep things from Ben, but if Jay could sort himself out it wouldn't matter in the end.

Right?

"If this don't prove that he really needs help," Ben said with a sigh, "I dunno what would."

Ben's thumb gently brushed across Callum's cheek, right below the bruise, soft enough that it tickled slightly. Callum lifted his head just enough so that their eyes met, and he could tell Ben's anger had eased off. Instead, what he saw there was saddened concern.

"I hate when you're hurt." Ben spoke the words quietly, because they were only for Callum to hear even if the two of them were the only ones awake in the flat.

Callum was going to correct him again, but in all honesty he was hurt. Not by Jay's fist–well, not entirely–but by his words. How easily he had discredited Callum's relationship to Lexi as if she meant nothing to him. Callum didn't want to hold it against Jay; he obviously wasn't in his right mind. But that little girl meant everything to him. She had nestled right into his heart straight away, just like her dad did. She was just as much his family as his own flesh and blood were, and he loved her as if she were his own.

A piece of paper isn't what makes you a family.

"I should get you a bag of peas for that or summat before it gets too swollen," Ben told him, Callum genuinely smiling over his fussing. "If Jay's messed up your beautiful face too badly I actually will kill him."

"Promise me you won't go off on him over this, yeah?" Callum asked. "Let him cool off and I can deal with it myself tomorrow."

Ben didn't seem satisfied, but eventually nodded in agreement.

Callum leaned forward and pressed his lips against Ben's forehead. He just needed to get Jay back on track and things would be alright.

Wouldn't they?

[tweedledumandtweedlebum]

Yesterday’s EE episode - and some comments on YT - left such a bitter taste in my mouth that I really need to rant about it to get it out of my system. 

[feel free to give this a miss]

First of all, whenever queer people state they feel insulted, it’s not a straight person’s place to tell them they shouldn’t. You just acknowledge their point of view. If a woman makes it clear that she feels offended by wolf whistling, a man doesn’t get to tell her she should, in fact, feel appreciated. That’s mansplaining. If same-sex parents are complaining that the PR storyline is homophobic, straight people just don’t get to tell them they are wrong. This is straightsplaining - you insist doing that, you’re an insensitive jerk, end of.

Regardless of your sexual orientation, it’s actually quite easy to demonstrate how little sense this PR makes even from a logical viewpoint. Imagine Ben was married to a woman. Imagine that woman had been acknowledged by Lexi herself as a parent and called “mum #2” because they have established an affectionate relationship right from the start. Picture that woman as a caring, emotionally stable, reliable person, perfectly capable of supporting her struggling husband AND looking after his little girl. Now, try and imagine this woman is given no legal rights over her stepdaughter, while actually being SHOWN on screen caring for her, making her breakfast, walking her to the bus stop, getting her clothes ready, giving her money for lunch, asking about her first day at secondary school, supporting her in moments of distress… Imagine she’s NEVER mentioned by the other characters regarding the girl’s parenting, because everybody goes on about how good a parent her mom’s widower is, and how lucky her father is to have THAT man (one the little girl calls “uncle”) to help him raise THEIR(?!) daughter. You picture THAT and you tell me you consider it normal? acceptable? realistic? SERIOUSLY? Since - let’s be honest - it would hardly happen with a straight stepmom, it shouldn't happen with a queer stepdad either. Since it IS in fact happening, we have every right (but also the civic duty) to expose it as plainly discriminating.

That’s not all. In order to make this nonsense believable, the audience is being gaslighted into thinking that the relationship between Callum and Lexi was never that close, whereas the girl has ALWAYS considered Jay as a sort of parent. Thus, Callum’s role and presence in Lexi’s life has been consistently diminished, sidelined, erased for a long time now. Since the beginning of the PR sl, Lexi’s “Dad #2” - “There’s no one in the world I’d rather have as my other dad” - “My dad is a gangster and my other dad is a copper” etc. have been totally and unforgivably retconned, while AT THE SAME TIME Callum is shown over and over again to be the sensible one looking after Lexi on a daily basis while Ben and Jay also fight their demons (though Ben has undeniably shown incredible character growth). Yesterday’s episode (18th January) marked an all-time low, with Callum interacting only with Lexi of all the people at the party, and being ignored by everybody else. The only instance when his husband acknowledges his existence and briefly glances at him, Callum’s not even on camera. And then, guess who is asked to bring Lexi “home”? The loving husband/stepdad who’s shown unconditional love for both Ben and Lexi, and can always be relied on? Of course not, it’s the brother/uncle with PR who is just a guest in that home! I can’t help feeling crestfallen for Callum’s character and fed up as a fan. This is crappy writing and horrible storytelling. While as a Ballum fan I am properly insulted, every viewer that considers themselves fairly intelligent should feel at least a little bit annoyed.

And for those who are going to object by pointing out that it’s just a silly soap opera after all, and we’d better not take it so seriously… you’re not wrong, of course. However, no matter what you think, storytelling actually is a serious matter. Stories affect people’s lives and perceptions. Stories have the power to widen your horizons. Stories may encourage you to adopt a different perspective on reality. Stories might surprise you by making you identify with characters that are as far away from your real self as possible. Stories have the strength to enhance certain values and eradicate others. We don’t read our children essays to teach them about life, relationships and values… we read them stories. 

Credits to Ballum Official on YouTube.

[leximitchells]

apologies if you dont want to talk about the xmas plot or think about it you can delete this ask straight away no bother

im seeing way too many theories about callum being ONE of the bodies. the other will be a villian(they confess to murdering the villian but callums body will be hidden and turn into a missing persons story. what i dont get is why would kathy willingly support this and watch ben suffer. kathy loved callum from the start and saw how callum brought the goodness out of ben, would she really cover up his death? rewriting character history for a plot looks silly.) . callum, jay and martin keep popping up as the good guys that might die. they say callum will be outside the vic and hears a confrontation which then has him entering the vic.

when i think about this year, callum has been erased during the pr plot and basically acting like ben is a single dad, he has no pr of lexi and will never get to adopt(as one of the writers on twitter said jay having pr is staying as lexi is allowed more than 2dads), the 'ben and jay' as dads being constantly pushed, lexi being referred to as jays daughter weeks before xmas, no updated promo pic for callum etc. the producer never mentions callum when talking about ben,lola,jay etc. its like hes making it clear that he wants to dispose of callum.

would eastenders really kill off a partner of bens for a second time especially when hes in therapy now? and its not like callum is some boyfriend hes his husband and lexis stepdad. would they really go there???

the executive producer seems to want to keep ben,jay and lexi on the square and seems to have an issue with callum as a character. idk i know none of us can predict but the callum theories are too much and its never ending. people also saying there has to be a coincidence for his increase in screen time this year.

i would be sick if the show wants to add more trauma to ben and lexi.

callum is NOT the dead body and i truly do not understand where that keeps coming from???? like it's def ballum antis putting it out there to make ballum stans upset because they want to be cruel for no reason. there is just absolutely no way they would kill off a good guy via the six storyline because the audience needs to be FULLY behind all six women, and them killing someone like callum, jay, or martin just would not be accepted by the general audience. it's gonna be someone REALLY evil that we're glad they killed, and that is just not callum

[rileychester]

To be fair I haven't been watching EE, but from what I have heard and seen of Jay's storyline. I'm just going off the little I do know. He's been messing with drugs to numb the pain and hanging out with a woman who looks like Lola. So I don't know the full extent, but I do know that.

This is one of the main reasons I didn't want Jay to have custody over Lexi. Not because Jay isn't a great guy and doesn't have it in him to be a father to Lexi.

But because it's a soap, I knew that they would put him in a dark messed up place right after losing Lola. To be fair, they weren't actually together that long, they weren't married long, she died so young. Of course, all of that is going to hit him very hard and send him spiraling. It's not like they got to enjoy their time together, their relationship seemed to be a lot of almost moments like when they could have a baby of their own, but Lola didn't want another child just yet.

He really isn't in any headspace to care for anyone, let alone a little girl who just lost her mother. And who is quickly growing up.

Plus the show has never shown Jay as a father figure to Lexi, that was always Callum outside of Ben. Maybe a few scenes, but nothing showing a close bond between them. Mostly because Lola and Ben are Lexi's parents, and they were in charge of raising Lexi. Jay was just the boyfriend and uncle. When Ben first came back and was all about his rage against Phil, it was Jay, who was constantly reminding Ben that Lexi needed him to be her dad, and in the grand scheme of things Phil wasn't as important. My point except for a few scenes, he's not really been set up to be a father figure to her.

Also to be fair Callum is just naturally a caregiver teddy bear who takes care of people. So the show gives him a lot of caregiver roles with Ben, Lexi, Lola, Whitney, etc. They really haven't shown Jay know the first thing about raising a tween girl. And yet suddenly he's in charge of her, on top of dealing with a lot of strong emotions to sort through. That's not fair on anyone, Jay or Lexi.

My point is before I go off a tangent. Is that Jay wasn't going to be set up to be a father figure after Lola's death. It's a soap, they were going to do a bunch of horrible things to him. And put him in a horrible place, where he wouldn't be suitable to take care of her. Sure Ben is also really not suitable to take care of her either as he works through his issues. But Ben also has Callum to help take care of Lexi, plus Billy, Honey, and Kathy. Yes, Jay is a team with Callum and Ben, but he still has a lot to get his head around and he needs to grieve and recover.

[mads-weasley]

Hello! Could I ask 17 and 25 for the ask game?

Hi Lexie!!! Thanks for the ask!!

17. Which character did you feel deserved more screen time?

SO MANY OF THEM!!! I think that in the last half of the series, we don't see much of Jack Kidd or Ev Blakely. They went on to be big dogs in the Air Force during and after the war. Obviously, there were so many others who deserved more screen time, but those were the first that came to mind.

25. Which MotA character would you want to meet in person? Either the actor, or real life person.

Okay, I have two answers for this. If I were to meet the real guy, I would want to meet Rosie. He was so amazing and inspiring, and I would LOVE to meet him and hear his perspective of the war/his life. The dude literally interrogated Hermann Göring!! How amazing is that!?

Secondly, if we're meeting the actors, I'd meet Callum Turner all the way. He's currently got a chokehold on me...that's all I need to say. I would melt if I met him.

Thanks again!! 🫶💕

[minimitchell]

can i just say this episode is the perfect explanation as to why they need to keep callum away from the pr plot in order for it to ‘work’ the way they want it to. callum brings so much fatherly energy into his smallest interactions with lexi and the three of them are such a cohesive and loving unit that he has to be taken out of the picture for ben to feel isolated and for lexi to seemingly gravitate towards jay (although that also changes depending on who they want to feel left out that ep because today she was back to seeking ben’s comfort first to make jay feel like the outlier this time). they feel like the stronger family unit because the show spent the last three years building up this relationship and actually showing us the development and bond the three have with each other

[blessthisbrckenroad]

@laviexenrose sent: can i pls have a drabble of callum and lexi happy together? or maybe when they first met?? anything you want! go wild

———

Callum and Lexi weren’t trying for a baby, but they weren’t exactly trying to prevent one either. Still, it comes as a shock when Lexi sees those two little pink lines. Suddenly, she feels giddy and terrified all at once. She ends up so lightheaded from it all that she has to sit on the edge of the bathtub to steady herself, her eyes locked on those pink lines the whole time.

They weren’t prepared for this. Both she and Callum were so far from home and she still had two semesters left before she graduated. His full time job and her part time job were supporting them, but they still weren’t making enough to be comfortable with all the expenses that now lay before them - diapers and wipes, clothes, nursery furniture, doctor’s appointments, formula if they ended up needing or wanting it. Lexi had never given much thought to how her future children would eat. Now it felt profoundly important.

But they were having a baby.

She couldn’t help but wonder already if it was a boy or a girl, if it would look like her or Callum or an even mix of the two. Maybe it wouldn’t look much like either of them. Maybe it would look more like their parents or grandparents instead. Would it like sports or dance or something more academic than either she or Callum were interested in? Did Callum want a boy or a girl more? A boy might be more keen on hanging out with him on the farm but he would be an adorable girl dad too.

God, she already couldn’t wait!

But…would Callum share her sentiments? Was he ready for a baby or would their impending parenthood upset him? They had talked about children at length but it was usually after several years, a wedding, their move back to Wimberly, and after her bakery was up and running successfully. How far would a baby set all of that back?

Lexi suddenly felt like she was going to be sick and she couldn’t be sure if it was because of the nerves or if it was the morning sickness that prompted her to take the test in the first place. How was she going to tell him? Just saying it sounded kind of…boring? Anticlimactic? Doing it over a nice celebratory dinner or hiding the rest somewhere for him to find it just seemed a little on the cliche side. Maybe she would just…hold on to this little secret until she figured out the perfect way to surprise him. Callum already thought her nausea was just a little stomach bug. She could easily milk that for a few more days while she formulated a decent plan. There would be no harm in that, right?

———

Callum returned home from work about two hours later, give or take - two hours Lexi had spent scouring the internet for ideas. She clicks out of the tab in a panic when he moves across the living room to kiss her but if he notices, he’s doing a fantastic job at hiding it.

Good.

“Feeling better?” Callum asks as he pulls away, moving into the kitchen to drop several plastic bags on the table. “I stopped at the store on my way back and grabbed some groceries. I need to shower first but I’m making soup tonight. Should be a bit easier on your belly.”

“It comes and goes,” she answers, “but soup sounds great.”

Lexi can’t help but smiles as she watches him, imagining a baby with his ginger hair sitting in a high chair at the table or a child with her blue eyes standing on a little stepping stool beside him, learning to cut up carrots and celery. That, she can tell he notices because he looks at her for an extra beat before turning to head towards the bathroom. She was going to have to be more careful if she was going to make this work.

———

But the time Callum returns, Lexi has already unpacked the groceries and started preparing some of the ingredients. She was actually chopping the celery herself when his arms snake around her waist, making her jump. He laughs along with her.

“What are you doing?” he asks. “I’m supposed to be making dinner and you’re supposed to be resting.”

“I just started it,” she’s quick to reply. “I’m not entirely incapacitated.”

She wasn’t even sick!

“Go sit down. I’ll finish it.”

“Fine,” she groans as she moves back to the couch, eliciting another chuckle from Callum.

Lexi sits twisted backwards, arms folding on the back on the couch so she can rest her chin there as she watches Callum cook. The wide smile she can’t help but wear is thankfully disguised by genuine laughter when he turns on the radio, taking to dancing around the kitchen as he cooks.

It isn’t until later, as Lexi cleans their dishes and Callum puts them away, that he finally confronts her.

“Alright, spill it,” he says. A teasing smile spreads across his lips but the question is genuine all the same and it shows in his suspicious gaze and the uneven tilt of his brow. “You’ve literally never been so happy to do dishes. What’s up?”

“What? I’m always happy to do dishes!” She laughs her way through a failed attempt at defensiveness.

“You hate the dishes.”

“I do hate the dishes.”

He puts the last Tupperware in the fridge and moves to lean against the countertop beside her.

“Mmhmm. So what is it?”

Lexi wanted to wait. She needed to wait. The reveal would be so much better with some forethought, creativity, and planning. Pity that her tongue did not agree…

“We’re having a baby!”

She stands before him, water still dripping from her hands, bouncing on her toes like a little kid in a candy store. Callum, on the other hand, freezes in place, eyes widening.

“Wait, what?”

The way his voice deepens on the words makes her still instantly, suddenly more nervous than excited.

“We’re having a baby,” she repeats, more seriously this time around. “That’s why I’ve been sick. It’s not a stomach bug. It’s a baby.”

A best of silence passes, then two, then three. She can see the cogs turning behind his startled brain, slowly processing her confession, and then all at once he matches her ecstatic grin and she’s gathered up in his arms, toes barely touching the ground as he spins her. His hands come to her face after he sets her down again.

“Are you serious? This isn’t a joke?”

“If course not! I promise! Look, I can prove it!”

Lexi slips from his grasp and runs down the hall to retrieve the pregnancy test and had hidden in the drawer of her nightstand. He takes it in his hands gently like breaking it would somehow be akin to harming their baby.

“Oh my god,” he breathes, thrilled at first but then again with much more fear. “Oh my god. We have so much to do…”

“I know! I have to call the doctor and the guest room is going to have to be emptied for the nursery and we have to tell everyone else still. I don’t even know who to tell first. I mean, our parents obviously but then there’s everyone else. Maybe we should tell them together? We’re gonna have to call Isabelle, though, and she better answer me this time. I will not take being in Africa as an excuse.”

Callum laughs and pulls her in for one more kiss.

“God, I love you,” he breathes in the narrow space between them.

“I was worried you’d be upset,” she says. “It’s much sooner than we thought it’d be.”

He gives a breathy laugh. “I don’t care. We’ll make it work.”

Lexi nods, tears welling up in eyes. She’d claim pregnancy hormones but everyone knew she was a crier anyway.

“As long as our little bug is healthy, we can figure out the rest as we go,” Callum adds.

“Our little bug,” she laughs. “I like it.”

[sunsetsover]

it's actually crazy that i didn't realise until today how many parallels there are between 2020/2021 ben and callum and bison and kant

like the origins are obviously different bc callum and ben were engaged whereas kant and bison barely knew each other and ben would've got arrested otherwise and callum knew phil was a cunt but the whole 'i'm working with the police to take down your parent in order to keep someone i love safe but i'm having to lie to the person i'm dating and it's getting harder every day and i'm filled with more and more doubts that what i'm doing is the right thing but now i'm stuck and i don't know how to get out without blowing my life apart and putting myself and my loved ones at risk' thing?

also this whole marriage talk has got me thinking abt the fact that callum told ben the truth right before they were supposed to get married and he was so sure it was over but ben ended up choosing callum over his dad for the first time in his life. and im just thinking abt kant reaching boiling point and confessing it all to bison bc he can't keep it a secret anymore bc it's killing him but insisting he loves him and that his intentions were good and that if he wants they can still do this can still have a life together bc fuck everything else. all they need is each other and the kid (lexi in ballum's case, babe in kantbison's). and kant having this confidence that he doesn't deserve that bison will chose him but also being so broken and scared that he won't or that he'll be punished (by lilly, or fadel, or bison) only for bison to choose himself over his fuckass parent for the first time in his life. bison turns up to the wedding hall late in garage overalls. they get married. lilly finds out the truth and goes on a rampage vowing to kill kant. bison has to really stand up to her for like the first time ever. someone gets hit by a car driven by a crazy ex who's convinced bison killed their partner. u know the vibes.

[sharonccrter]

The thing is though Ben had just told Cal that he's doing better with his eating disorder and Cal knows that stress is what triggers it and doesnt want him to have a set back. In all honesty I think it needed to go down this way, Ben would have just said more of the same that Jay has already heard and isnt listening to. He needs this wake up call and Nadine needs to stop supplying him and perhaps this is few only way she will. As soon as she said "only once" you knew it would be more than that one time and Callum didn't get through to her either. He tried speaking to both of them. Jay said he had only done it that once but only a few hours later was going to get more and you say how will this affect Lexi.. but how would it affect her having Jay being drugged up at home around her?

I dont think Jay is in a place to listen to reason but he needs to change his behaviour so perhaps this, although extreme, is the only way he'll face up to his actions and the fact he needs proper help.

Hmm, considering today's episode, I really don't think it worked and, if anything, pushed Jay further down the destructive path he's on. Callum and Jay are not close enough for Callum to get through to him. I can understand him not wanting to tell Ben. He should have told Billy, Honey, or even Phil instead. Obviously, he hasn't because it's more dramatic (talking about the writers here) for him not to. Jay doesn't really have any support, apart from Ben yelling at him over Lexi. (this isn't me saying Ben was wrong to be angry; he was right to be annoyed.) But Ben can't really compare his relationship with Lola to what Jay and Lola had, not to mention Ben has Cathy, Phil and Callum to lean on. The problem with Jay is no matter how much they say he's a Mitchell, he's also not. And that's showing now more than ever. He doesn't really have a tether to that family beyond Ben and now Lexi. That's why I firmly believe Lola wanted Jay to be Lexi's legal guardian; she knew that Jay didn't have the support system he should and wanted him to have someone to be tied to. I really think EE needs to give Jay his own family, and this isn't me saying Lexi isn't his family because she is. But since Jay's dad died, he's been in the 'Mitchell family' when it's convenient for them. He needs something of his own. I also just don't think Callum is handling it well; telling someone "just stop" literally does nothing. Jay needs immediate intervention - you'd think a police officer would know that. Just hoping his going to come to his senses isn't good enough when we're talking addiction due to grief. It's no laughing matter or easy thing to deal with. I kinda wonder if Jay is gonna OD (maybe not fatal), but it would be a good storyline.

[babygirlgalitzine]

Did Ben and Callum get divorced and now Ben is with Jay what's this bullshit Lexi is Ben and Jay's little girl I am so over this sl I cannot watch any Ballum scenes now Jay just drains there scenes this just got rid of Lola for dull Jay

it’s really funny because technically they’re the strongest they’ve been in a long time, it’s just all the shit around them that is AWFUL

honestly i need jay to go to prison for a while or just leave to spend time with his long lost grandad just so i have a single source of happiness

[no-i-cant-decide]

The thing about today's episode that sticks out to me most is this Ben line: "I just need time to think." Everything that's happened has been one devastating thing after another with no breathing room, causing Ben to feel completely overwhelmed. This bombshell about Lexi getting adopted is dropped on him and it absolutely terrifies him that, after already losing so much, he could also lose his only child. He's already admitted to Callum that he's struggling to cope, and I bet now he feels like that's also admitting he isn't able to take care of his daughter. Then everyone is his life is trying to influence his opinion, guilt him and convince him that the adoption is a good thing, when all he really needs is time to consider it. Nobody is giving him the option of thinking about it for a few days before deciding. His loved ones all start suffocating him, one after the other, telling him he's wrong and coercing him into doing what Lola wants. All of his power feels like it's being taken away. Again. Like with Lewis and with Lola's cancer.

[chicago-pd-is-weird]

I have to reblog this again because I have been watching Season 10 back, specifically the episodes about the Beck’s.

Adam is one of those men who can be a father to anyone. Among him is Elliot Stabler and Hank Voight. Not every man can just father any child/young adult off the street. They can.

When Kim and Adam first found Makayla, he took to her right away. And although she was placed elsewhere for a while, when Adam and Kim first adopted her and took her in, he was there just as much as she was. He became her father. The only reason he wasn’t straight away was because Kim pushed him away or was hesitant to love him again (if I remember correctly). He didn’t want to step on her toes either, since they weren’t really together.

And Adam, the very second he was undercover, he took to Callum just the same. I mean, he cared about that kid more than most of the other people in intelligence. He was concerned for Callum more than anyone else. And it was his ultimate downfall at the end of the season, because oh-so-poetically, Callum was the one who shot him and seriously injured him.

Hank Voight, well that man will take to any person who is younger than him. I mean, he is such a father, deeply rooted in his personality. He was like that before he lost Justin. Think of D’Anthony, as we saw on the show, or even Erin! Not to mention Noah, Lexi his CI, Ana Avalos, and etc. He was immediately warm and fatherly to Callum when he first met him, talking him out of that square.

I came into Chicago PD hating Hank Voight for what he’d done to Casey and Hallie on Chicago Fire, as well as the way he treated Gabby/Toni. But in season one, on the episode titled “Thirty Balloons,” when Hank found the tied up RA and instead of running after the guy and leaving her, he held her close and told her it was going to be alright and that she was safe?? That was the moment I fell in love with him. Because even something so insignificant in the long run meant everything to that girl. She needed comfort in that moment after being tied up and hurt. Maybe being in college myself at the time biased my view, but if it were me? At that age? I would’ve clung to him just the same way. And he held her and that’s what matters.

And heck, I’ll throw this in there, that sometimes even the way he treats Trudy is dad-like. The episode comes to mind where she is mugged and her father is murdered. When Hank catches up with her later and says “you’re not me.” I know they’re equal and have been good friends a long time, but the point is Hank can “father” anyone at any point. Isn’t that the point of Season 11’s finale? That he was basically a dad to Hailey? Didn’t he visit her in her new apartment and help her out? I seem to remember more than once. I mean, he doesn’t visit Adam and Kim and Makayla (that we know about) or Dante and his mother, or Antonio and his family or Jay at any point. But he is there for them in a very fatherly way whenever something happens. His whole rule was “tell me the truth so I can lie for you.” If that isn’t the most fatherly thing you’ve ever heard, idk what is. A father who would sacrifice anything, even himself, for his children.

Now, I am not as versed in the Law & Order world. I am on season 8 of SVU currently. But Elliot stabler has this raw biological attractiveness. He can pick up any child and just be a father to them. I don’t have specific examples off the top of my head, but maybe my L&O SVU friends can add to this and cite some. But watching him on screen, he’s not physically attractive but biologically attractive to me, as my woman brain often says “suitable mate detected.”

Please, feel free to add to this list. I find a lot of men physically attractive, sure, but when they can naturally be a father? 🤌 That’s the good stuff.

Speaking about amazing plots into the Chicago PD in the last seasons!

What about season 10 that brought to us the amazing story of Adam Ruzek going undercover into a group of white supremacy while been the father of a Kid of Color.

He is one of those caracther that gotta a rich storyline with the seasons in this 10 years...

Now please! LETS GET ADAM & KIM WEDDING

[leximitchells]

Ben needed therapy last year. He literally hit rock bottom. He’s isolated himself from his friends and family, had become a stranger to Lexi, was taking drugs, completely not taking care of himself or caring what happened to himself, all leading up to a cardiac arrest and literally dying and having to be brought back to life.

That there was the time to finally have him try something different and go to therapy. Putting it on pause and then revisiting it 6 months later by having him use another unhealthy coping mechanism rather than actually communicating with the people who love him and getting help a different way, just seems like history repeating and Ben never being allowed to move on.

It’s like they want to keep him in this permanent state of hiding how he is really feeling, and never being allowed to be happy or feel settled. Along with the fact that he is forever taking two steps forward and then 20 steps back in his relationship with Phil, it’s like they don’t ever want him to develop past the stage where he is hiding his problems, masking the fact he isn’t coping, and searching for validation from his Dad.

It can be really unrewarding as a fan of a character to watch them not develop and just continue the rinse/repeat they have been on. I know it is a realistic depiction of how some people cope in real life. But since when have soaps been bothered about realism?

As for where it leaves his relationship with Callum, who knows? What does it say about them as a couple that yet again Callum seems to think they are in a good place individually and as a couple, only for it all to come out that Ben was struggling and Callum was oblivious? Or that Ben still didn’t feel comfortable enough to tell Callum he isn’t coping? Especially as it has been established (and acknowledged by the characters themselves) a few times now that their main issues lie with not communicating or miscommunication. Again it feels a little like they are stuck in the same rut.

Sorry for going off in your inbox. I know it sounds like I’m being negative. I try hard not to be, but if this goes where we all think it is going, it just feels kind of disappointing tbh.

I know it’s a soap and I expect wayyyy too much. I know. But it’s just frustrating.

i’m still not convinced they’re actually gonna go down the alcoholism route BUT i think the fact that callum has acknowledged ben’s drinking not once but TWICE in the past week is actually a good sign. for him to notice that something is off with ben, something he was unable to do for some reason for most of last year, is progress! i completely agree with you about everything else though. it really does feel like we go around in circles with ben and the misery never ends. ben and whitney are truly more alike than most people would like to admit

[rileychester]

From what I have graspsed from people’s posts about the storylines with Ballum, Lexi, and Jola.

The show is setting up with Lola dying, a rift between Jay and Ben down the line.

Which is all kinds of bull shit because there is going to be a giant angry shit storm coming their way.

And Ben and Jay are both going to need their best friend/brother in the coming months.

But nope lets just have them be at odds and put them both through even more unnecessary pain. 

Also that’s really shitty on EE to have Lola’s dying storyline be about pushing this bs storyline of Jay and Lexi, when the show has never given Jay and Lexi a solid relationship of their own outside of Lola and Ben. In fact Lexi is closer and gets on better with Callum by the show giving them one on one scenes together from the start.

Lola’s last few weeks should be about Lola. About her time with Billy, Jay, Ben, Lexi, the people she loves and who love her.

Not setting up a story that from what I have seen, none of the viewers want and that makes no sense. 

[maerose-late-at-night]

pizza night confessions

About the fifth night after their big reunion, Lexi came for dinner. Granddad Phil’s house was so quiet without him, she said after a minute. He always had that grumpy voice sounding everywhere. 

Ben smiled, wondering what his dad would think of that: Lexi properly missing him and announcing it to them in that matter-of-fact way she had of saying things. His grinch heart might grow three sizes bigger as a result. While Lexi hadn’t exactly featured in his dad’s “everyone-I-care-about”-Portugal-list, he knew the little girl did mean a lot.

But this… 

Ben looked at the scene in front of him. Lola kissing Lexi’s hair before leaving, Callum’s wide grin and big warm eyes… 

…this was all Ben needed. All he’d ever need. 

He left the two of them for a minute, venturing into the kitchen to stuff the freezer pizzas into the oven and set their places at the table. By now, Lexi had taken out her play things, pressing Callum to join in her games without giving him a sliver of a chance to escape. Thankfully, Callum didn’t seem to mind.

Their excited chatter from the next room stopped for a minute, making the clattering of forks and knives that much louder in the house. They weren’t gonna use them, obviously, but didn’t hurt for pretense, did it? 

Then he heard his daughter start off a conversation quietly, sweetly. From experience, he knew whatever was coming was going to be proper serious.

“Callum,” she began in her adorable high-pitched voice. “Daddy was really sad without you.” 

Ben froze. Stopped short halfway through placing the final piece of cutlery, holding it in his hand, hovering three inches above the table. His heart rate tripled, breathing stopped altogether. He wondered if he’d get away with shuffling over to the doorway, spying on them unseen. Throwing caution to the wind, he went for it.

If he’d expected Callum to get flustered in the face of her statement, he was wrong. His boyfriend just gave Lexi this look, nodding a little like he knew it had torn Ben apart every second, even though he had been the one to break things off and - in the process - break Callum’s heart into tiny little pieces.

“I know, princess,” he told her. “But hey,” he tickled her side, “Saw you makin’ him really happy the other day, giving him that sticker you got. Your dad’s really lucky you were there when I wasn’t.” 

Hang on. He what?

“D’you wanna know something?” Callum continued. “I was really sad too, not seeing him.”

Lexi sounded confused. “So why’d ya leave?”

Ben pushed out a breath. He really, really, ought to rescue Callum right now. ‘Cause he knew, he just knew, that the other man was too good to ever put the blame where it belonged, especially when it would diminish Ben in his daughter’s eyes. 

And he didn’t. Course he didn’t.

“I don’t know.” Callum just said, trailing his big hand along Lexi’s locks where she leaned into him. “Guess me and your dad just needed to think about some things. But tell you what,” she looked  up at him and his smile turned bloody blinding, “being away made me realize I don’t ever wanna go again.” 

“Good.” Lexi said decidedly, sounding a little put out. “Cause I missed you too.”

The oven started beeping right then, signaling their pizzas were done. Callum’s eyes shot up, and he finally spotted Ben in the doorway, eavesdropping on their conversation. Their eyes found each other, and the moment just seemed to stretch into minutes and hours and years. It was just the two of them.

Until his daughter’s impatient voice broke through. “Daaaaaaaaaad! The pizzas!”

“Right!” He said, a lot louder than he’d meant to. “Dinner’s up, come get it while it’s hot.”

*

Later, when he’d put their plates away in the sink, he pulled at Callum’s clothes when he passed him on his way. Callum went with it, their bodies aligning perfectly, a little tilt to their stance. 

“Didn’t know you were there,” he said quietly.

Callum didn’t even pretend not to know what he was talking about. “Just escaped from a date at the Albert,” he explained, “and I saw ya. Couldn’t take my eyes off it, to be honest.”

Ben twinged at the words. Went into ‘let’s make light of this situation’-mode to cover up how vulnerable it made him feel. Realistically, he’d known when he’d pushed Callum away that their separation might lead to Callum moving on, but the abstract idea of it had been one thing. 

He instantly let go of where he was holding onto Callum’s arms, twisting a little to break their closeness. 

“What happened,” he asked, fumbling with the dish rag he’d taken up, “He not pretty like me?” His lips turned down in an exaggerated pout.

“No, he was really good-looking actually.” Callum honestly told him. “Rainie wasn’t too well pleased with me ignoring her instructions to ‘climb that like a tree.’”

Putting up the brave front suddenly seemed a lot harder.

Callum, though. Callum knew him well enough to know how much this was really affecting him.  Knew exactly what to say to get him out of it, too. He just pulled him close again, let him know what’s what.

“Thing is,” he emphasized the words, speaking slowly, “my heart already belonged to someone else.” 

Ben grabbed a proper hold of him, pressing hard to give way to the surge of possessiveness that shot through him. Damn straight it did. Also..

“Not just your heart.” It came out sounding like a low growl. Like he was an animal, ready to attack just about anyone or anything that tried to make a move on his man.

Callum threw his head back with a laugh, finally dispelling the last of the darkness of their conversation. 

“No,” he said, and kissed Ben; sweetly at first, then hungrily, only stopping when a sound from the next room served to remind them both they weren’t exactly alone. 

“You’re right.” he repeated, with a last peck against his lips. “You got pretty much all of me there is, really.”