#I wrote this while listening to daylight so that’s why the title is some lyrics

[m00nl1ght-sun25]

Heya! I'm the greenflower request sjxnks

I really don't have preference

But you can make something connecting with when they live in Darkley, like, Brad or Lloyd remember something similar happened in their children's

Maybe after the s8, or any season after s8 likee s10 or s15

Ok! :D also i realized like a sentence or two before I finished it that I didn’t really have lloyd sick- i was more focused of hurt/comfort and like darklys and all- im really sorry, if you want I can do a part 2 where it focuses more on lloyd being sick, again i’m really sorry. But i hope you enjoy and also if you do end up disliking this fanfic please tell me and and I can always remake it- so the fanfic will be under the cut and also if you do not know, I am dyslexic so to anyone reading, please don’t be rude or mean if I misspell anything wrong or phrase stuff wrong, you can always politely tell me and I will gladly fix it, please and thank you! :D

Heads up

This is after seabound/season 15

I hc that after nya left lloyd ran away to live with brad in a apartment so that’s where lloyd is :)

This takes place after the burning fate oneshot :P

Trigger warning

Suicidal thoughts

Cussing

Depression

Implied Self harm

Implied and mentioned Child abuse(different parts)

Mentioned Suicide attempt

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You and I Drink The Poison From The Same Vile

The rain was falling around Lloyd as he blankly looked over the balcony and into the busy streets on the busy city. He often stood here, just wondering what would happen if he jumped off and ended it all… would anyone miss him? No. No one would. 

He was letting him tired mind wonder in this moment of sorrow. He thought about many things… Nya, The others, His parents, Master Wu… He was thinking about it. How this was all his fault. If he wasn’t the fucking green ninja none of this would’ve happened. Nya would still be here if he wasn’t a shitty leader or friend. 

He wonders how different life would be if he hadn’t gotten kicked out of Darklys… would Nya still be here? Yes. She would. Because then Lloyd likely wouldn’t have become the green ninja and so she wouldn’t of had the sacrifice herself for his stupidity. 

Hair falls in his face but he doesn’t have the strength to move it… he’s so tired and his wrists sting so badly and he’s so fucking tired form being unable to get sleep without having night terrors. But he deserves it, does he not? He doesn’t deserve to be content and happy in life. Not after he was the reason Nya, his (adopted) sister, is gone. 

Everyone probably hates him. Why hasn’t Brad broke up with him? He’s a monster. He killed his own sister. All he does is kill. His father, Harumi, Zane with the overlord, Morro, and… Nya. He could’ve saved all these people or taken their place and things would’ve been so much better. But no, their paying the price. The price he deserves, not them…. Okay maybe Morro does deserve to die… but… Even if he did hurt Lloyd so much, Lloyd still feels sick thinking like how Morro does. 

“You’re going to get sick like this, Lloyd…”

The sudden voice made Lloyd jump and he quickly looked back into the apartment balcony door to see Brad, his boyfriend, give him a worried look… Lloyd still can’t get that look out of his face from when Brad “saved him” from committing. The absolute terror and sadness Brad had in his eyes that day… it as only a couple of weeks ago. Lloyd feels like a absolute dick for making Brad so worried. He’s such a burden for Brad. He should just jump. Maybe this time nothing will be in his way and he would make Brad so much happier.

Lloyd flinches a bit when Brad took Lloyds hand in his. Gently intertwining their fingers and giving Lloyd a soft smile. He gently pulled Lloyd into the apartment and closed the balcony door behind him. Brad pulled Lloyd to the couch, which Lloyd followed him with hollow eyes that kept their gaze on the ground. 

Lloyd didn’t say or do anything as Brad sat him on the couch with a soft but worried expression. Ever since Lloyds last attempt Brad has been even more protective and watchful of Lloyd. 

His dull green eyes looked up to see Brad walk into their bedroom and walk out with a blanket a second later. When Brad walked up to Lloyd he draped it across his shoulders and Lloyd looked to the ground as Brads soft blue eyes tried to lock with his.

Brad gently sighed and plopped on the couch next to his blonde lover. The blue eyed boy wrapped his fingers around the green eyed boy’s. A look of love was on Brads face as he looked at the beautiful blonde. 

“Do you want to talk about it Lloyd…?”

Brad tried to tilt his head so he could be in Lloyd’s field of vision but Lloyd turned his head to the side so he couldn’t look at brad. Lloyds shoulders tensed and he shook his head.

Brad was upset but he knew it would only get better if Lloyd talked about it, he gently squeezed Lloyds hand in his and rubbed his thumb across the back of Lloyds hand as he said in a soft voice.

“Please, I just want to help.”

Lloyd knew that Brad wouldn’t stop until Lloyd told him what was bothering him so Lloyd just sighed and leaned onto Brads side and whispered with his voice filled with guilt.

“I was thinking about Nya… and how different things would’ve been if I was never kicked out of Darklys. Like… would I still be the green ninja? Would Nya still be here? Just so many questions….”

Brad flinched as Lloyd mentioned Darklys, the place was hard for them both. But especially Lloyd. The teachers knew how good Lloyd was so they thought that beating it into him would “fix” him. It didn’t. It just made him more traumatized. 

So, Brad thought for a moment of how to respond to Lloyd. He wrapped his arm around Lloyds shoulders and kissed his cheek, Lloyd glanced at Brad with that but then looked away. Brad understood how much pressure Lloyd put on himself… so he didn’t mind. He knew Lloyd loved him.

“Lloyd… I think, in full honesty, being kicked out of Darklys was honestly the best thing for you… I don’t think you would’ve… I don’t think you would’ve survived. They were so brutal, and to you the most. You… You were so skinny and always had cuts and bruises… And with Nya. That wasn’t your fault. It was no one’s. Nya choose to do that, and I don’t think she would want you to blame yourself for her decision.”

Lloyd sat quietly thinking about it, he laid his head on Brads shoulder as he looked up at Brad. He tensed when Brad mentioned how harsh Darklys was… he understood why Brad thought that, but maybe just give Lloyd a few years and he would’ve been just like his father in that hellhole. 

Then he thought about what Brad said about Nya, and how she wouldn’t want him to blame himself. Now, he can see that. But that doesn’t stop him. He feels like a failure, and that’s never going to go away. He’s the leader. It’s supposed to be his role to keep everyone safe, and he failed. He couldn’t save her. He quit when she needed him most…. ninja never quit? Well he must not be a ninja then. 

Brad carried his fingers through Lloyds soft blonde hair, and kissed his forehead. Lloyd felt like melting at the affection. But at the same time he felt like yelling at Brad and telling him to stop, Lloyd doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve Brad. Or anyone for a matter of fact. 

Instead of doing anything though Lloyd just laid in Brads arms. He was still a bit wet and shaking from standing in the rain… Brad was right, Lloyd would get sick… great. 

He wrapped the blanket from Brad more around himself and then sneezed. His noise started to leak and Brad playfully rolled his eyes and joked to Lloyd.

“Now, what was it I said about you getting sick by standing out there?”

Lloyd just whined in response and Brad playfully rolled his eyes. He stood up and handed his hand out to Lloyd as he smiled to him.

“Let’s go get you cleaned up.”

[youarejesting]

My fics in 2020

I am proud of this year. I worked hard until the end. 2020 was my year of finishing my stories. I have done so much and next year I want to do more. So keep an eye out Jester will take over.

Fandom(s): BTS, mentions of NCT, BLACKPINK, MONSTA X.

Networks:@btscreatorscorner @castlebangtan

Total Fics: 34

Total chapters: 404

Total Words: 565,587 Total vids and fake subs: 13 

Best and Worst Title?

Best: ‘Music is the spark that sets my soul on fire’ and its sequel ‘Dance is the celebration of the flame’

Worst: The Check Up

Best and Worst first line?

Best: Yoongi never understood why people would say one's blood is important. (Mania)

Worst: It all started in Mykonos. (Steal my sunshine)

Best and Worst ending line?

Best: “I got you this pretty dress” Seokjin grinned showing you the dress before hugging you and giving your forehead a kiss, “Let’s go burn it” (Me & the ghost in number 23)

Worst: But all you got was a sharp-toothed smile. (Pandemonium)

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than, or about what was expected?

I think I wrote what I expected, but I think I could have definitely finished more. Which is a bit upsetting.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year? 

I don’t have limitations to my writing so nothing is deemed unpredictable.

I am however generally surprised by my love of throwing in twists and also gore, I love gore.

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

Wild space: it is strange because I am not particularly a fan of space and scifi, but I am really into writing world building things and having the ability to create a whole planet was amazing.

Most popular story? 

Tumblr:

Seoulmates

Femme

Quarantine

AO3: 

Quarantine

BTS365

Love Listening

Story most underappreciated by the universe? 

Tiny Tan: Limited Edition

Story that could have been better? 

All

Sexiest story?

 Love Listening

Saddest story? 

 Me & the ghost in number 23

Fluffiest story? 

Mall Santa

Most fun story? 

BTS Among Us 

Hardest story to write? 

Kisaeng

Daylight (i'm still writing it haha)

Easiest/most fun story to write? 

Light it up

What story took the longest?

365 lol took all year

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? 

The biggest risk I took all year was posting my work. Living life on the edge.

What are your fic writing goals for next year? 

To double my writing

Fics that you wrote in 2020:

BTS365: 365 mini stories ✓ fluff, comedy, angst, romance, mature, action, adventure, smut. This has it all. Find your birthday and read your story. I wanted to give something unique to people.

Quarantine: 100 Chapters ✓ Something to accompany you while you are alone during quarantine and the pandemic. I was lonely and I figured so was everyone else. So, I decided to have BTS help us all go on an adventure that didn’t focus on the covid virus but on some other aspects around it.

Femme: 50 Chapters ✓ A futuristic world where women are rare. This was an indulgement fic that gave circumstances for the reader to be in a polyamorous relationship with the boys and live a glamorous life. Ending was a bit rushed.

Seoulmates: 29 (ongoing) Each member of BTS has a unique soulmate bond. I love the idea of this, another indulgent fic but you aren’t alone with the boys you have friends and you can play different parts.

Witching: 11 Chapter ✓ When your brother goes missing trying to find them gets you in a turf war between two covens. This fic was actually a way for me to vent for a project I wanted to complete but the project is so big that I wrote this instead.

Herb: 2 Parts ✓ mature, smut. Jimin claims he has everything you need, he doesn’t disappoint. I came across this idea within the 365’s and extended it because I liked the idea so much. Jimin has everything from casseroles to scarfes, cat food to cell phone chargers and the reader just wants to be loved and relieve stress.

Limited Edition: 10 Chapters ✓ BTS boys are sold as limited edition figurines. This was originally me venting about not having any merch and then became a daydream that what if the merch came alive. And the story was born.

BTS Among Us: 7 Chapters ✓ gore, action, adventure, scifi, angst, death of main characters. This one was so funny for me, I had my friend pick a colour and that was the imposter from the start. I was amazed that no one figured it out in the end. I want to play again soon.

Light it up: 13 Chapters ✓ fluff, comedy, angst, romance, mature, action, adventure. This was inspired by the dynamite trailer, I loved it so much that I began writing, I had no clear direction but as I wrote it started to shape and someone said it was like stranger things and I credited Stranger things cause it did indeed have a similar premise and I don’t want to pretend I came up with something that has already been done.

Love listening: 2 Parts ✓ SMUT, comedy, fluff, angst, romance, mature. This was inspired by a strange video that came up on the internet, I was searching for BTS misheard lyrics and the video I clicked had some funny ones but after that the next suggested video was bts moans and auto play was on and well this fic was born.

Me & the ghost in Number 23: 11 ✓ fluff, comedy, scifi, supernatural, romance, angst, mature, smut, death of main character. This was inspired by many of the ghost text au’s I had read but many of them were like the show oh my ghost where the main ghost character isn’t actually dead just in a coma and I thought the opposite way instead of them waking up, I wanted things to shape the other way. This one was so difficult to write and I cried a lot due to the loneliness Jimin was facing and the mourning from Yoongi.

Hope in the sheets: 4 chapters (so far) fluff, comedy, smut, adventure, slice of life, romance, angst, mature, growing up. This one is a fic that targets my childish desires. I have grown up so much and this fic is a visual representation of that. 

Asks: 77 (ongoing) where the bts boys answer the readers questions and concerns.

Reactions: 15 (ongoing) 

Prompts: 18 (ongoing)

One shots:

Kisaeng: This was a reverse fic project, the idea that instead of Mulan pretending to be a man and going off to war, it was BTS dressing as women to stay home from war. I loved writing about fictional history. 

Steal my Sunshine: This was a summer project. I wanted to write something that felt like a very bad spy movie, like Mellissa Mccarthy and Mr Bean-esque. I formed this one and it made me laugh the whole time writing it.

Blue Side: This was talking to myself about being sad and admitting that I could be sad but I should learn to split the happy and sad into two worlds and limit my time in them both, it was about equal balance and finding the good in the sad and the sad in the good. I don’t know how hard to explain.

Temptation: I had fun writing but it is pure SMUT. not even good SMUT.

Pandemonium: This was really fun. The premise is dark and the ending is left ambiguous, in the original, Namjoon kills the reader but I left it open so you can imagine them continuing their relationship or not.

Mall santa: A fluffy christmas piece. A secret santa I wrote that I felt needed to be soft and quirky and have just all the hallmark moments.

Mad: This one is finished, but I have it published privately at the moment waiting to unveil it as it is well SMUTTY. I don’t know what it is about Taehyung but he is always so dark and I guess that's what people find appealing. I had this idea from a 365prompt and well I had to write it.

One wish: This was a birthday fic that I wrote for a friend. I wanted people to read it on their birthdays or imagine their birthdays and themselves in this position if they made the same wish.

The Check Up: I wrote for this for a friend going through a personal procedure, they were nervous so I took their bias and made something I hoped they could think about while in the procedure and I even explained the steps and what might happen over the next few days hoping the whole thing wouldn’t seem as scary because technically her mind had already been through it when reading the story.

Sparks of the heart: Robots developing human feeling. It was a cute universe and Yoongi’s story will be a series within 2021.

Dance machine 3000

Digital Art

Electronic Tonic

Circuit chef

Random Access Memory

Kookies Trojans and Malware

Feel Better: Another fic written for a author who was sick, I wanted them to endulge in some escapism whilst they were sick.

Music is the spark that sets my soul on fire & Dance is the celebration of the flame: These two were requests that I loved dearly.

Horror movies: Cheesy damsel in distress meets boys will be boys.

I will wait (somesay): This song wouldn’t get out of my head so I had to write it.

Wild Space: When I wanted to write a hybrid AU but I already have a hybrid AU being edited. So hybrid werewolves meets space.

The Bomb: This one is compete and ready to post I had to talk myself out of writing this as a series but I love the story line. I love the end.

Lost Boys: This has been stuck in my head since i had a dream about it and I finally wrote it into the new year. I hope you like it.

Mania: Not my favourite work, love ABO universe I just haven’t got an actually story line so it is on hold.

Incaceration: The story that never was, I really need to get around to this one.

Tagging: @moccahobi I know you wanted to tag me... but I am finished so I am tagging you.

[homeformyheart]

maybe the world could be ours - simon montjoy x mc (avsp)

author’s note: i am reposting this due to blog access issues. this story takes place in the middle of chapter 13 of a very scandalous proposal. there aren’t any real plot or story spoilers in this fic, but if you want to be extra cautious not to be exposed to any part of avsp before you read it, then i recommend you ignore this. originally planned as a multi-part fic but we’ll see.

**i also recommend you listen to the song “rewrite the stars” (even better if you watch the scene from the movie - link included below - or have seen the movie) to better get into the emotional mindset of the story.

copyright: all characters are owned by pixelberry studios. song/lyrics are from “the greatest showman” soundtrack, performed by zac efron and zendaya. i do not own any of the above. series/pairing: a very scandalous proposal - simon montjoy x mc (sophie macdonald) rating/warnings: 13+; no warnings word count: 2.1k w/lyrics and 1.8k without based on/prompt: “rewrite the stars” from the greatest showman, performed by zac efron and zendaya summary: sophie needs a break from all the stress, drama, criticism, and investigating and turns to her first love and passion, music and songwriting. 

maybe the world could be ours

sophie knew she was supposed to go to the blythe suite and search around for clues but at the moment, she couldn’t bring herself to open the door. she clenched and unclenched her fists, stretching her fingers out, hoping to release some of the tension she was feeling. sophie could feel an itch she hadn’t felt since coming to London, and knew she needed to let off some steam soon. i wonder if anyone will be near the ballroom, she wondered, biting her lower lip in thought. considering simon was still talking to his grandparents in the downstairs parlor, sophie decided to take a chance and walk back towards the kitchens that connected to the ballroom.

she took a deep breath and pushed open the first set of large double doors, closing them as quietly as possible behind her. she quickly checked that all the other doors, including those for the balcony were closed before seating herself at the grand piano in the far corner of the room. it’s been too long since i’ve played… i should’ve brought my guitar with me, she thought wistfully as her fingers hovered over the ivory keys, slightly twitching of their own accord. sophie closed her eyes as her fingers finally pressed down, a melodic note echoing softly in the empty ballroom.

eyes still closed, sophie ran a few chords on the perfectly tuned piano and a small smile began to tug at her lips. her passion for writing wasn’t always solely focused on journalism or nonfiction; as much as she loved pursuing the truth and telling stories as objectively as any human being possibly could, music was her first love. when the truth seemed out of reach or when her emotions threatened to overflow, music helped her process it all and she found she was calmer and more objective on the other side. she knew exactly which song would help her channel her feelings and found the composition on her phone and began playing the opening chords.

sophie could feel the prickling of tears behind her closed eyelids, hear the voices from the engagement party and the gala, see the accusatory and judging stares that she tried so hard to ignore all come flooding back. thoughts of “you’ll never be enough for them, for him,” “you don’t belong in his world and you never will,” and “you have nothing to offer him” kept running rampant in her mind as the pre-recorded male vocals on her phone started singing.

you know i want you it’s not a secret i try to hide i know you want me so don’t keep saying our hands are tied you claim it’s not in the cards but fate is pulling you miles away and out of reach from me but you’re here in my heart so who can stop me if I decide that you’re my destiny?

simon knocked on the door to the blythe suite, running his hand through his hair. he was beyond tired, emotionally rather than physically, and wanted to see sophie. if he were being honest with himself, which he was a little afraid to be, it was more of a need to see her than want. there was something about her that made him feel safe and at peace, a feeling he almost didn’t recognize, since the last time he felt this safe was with his parents. he knocked again and pressed his ear closer to the door. “darling, are you in there?” the term of endearment rolled off his tongue effortlessly and he almost started wondering to himself if he wanted it to be true and real.

the tears started to spill, one by one as sophie continued to play the piano melody in time with her phone. this was a song she wrote with her high school boyfriend; ironically, the situation had been reversed at the time – he was from the “wrong” side of town and her parents made it clear that she didn’t belong with him. it didn’t stop them from dating and writing songs together anyway, until sophie went off to college. but now, she was of the “wrong sort” and it wouldn’t matter if she was starting to have real feelings for simon – he would become a duke and inherit the estate and their arrangement would be over. sophie would go back to new york once the book was published and never see him again.

what if we rewrite the stars? say you were made to be mine nothing could keep us apart you’d be the one i was meant to find it’s up to you, and it’s up to me no one can say what we get to be so why don’t we rewrite the stars? maybe the world could be ours tonight

where could she have gone? simon wondered, his eyebrows furrowing together in confusion. he went back downstairs toward the dining room; noting it was empty, he crossed through the room quickly toward the kitchens when he heard it. is that… music? it had been decades since he heard piano music outside of a ball or a party and there was only one grand piano that could be heard from the kitchens. as the approached the ballroom, he could make out that someone was singing and harmonizing with the beautiful melody. he quietly opened the doors just wide enough to glance down the large room at the singer playing the piano in the corner.

sophie took a breath, trying to will the tears to stop so her voice wouldn’t tremble as she prepared to join in on the second verse. she couldn’t help thinking about the gala and all the hurtful glares and remarks, even if she wasn’t a social climber, she was guilty of using simon’s position to further her career. in some way, all of her critics were right.

you think it’s easy you think i don’t want to run to you but there are mountains and there are doors that we can’t walk through i know you’re wondering why because we’re able to be just you and me within these walls but when we go outside you’re going to wake up and see that it was hopeless after all

sophie? she was angled in a way that he could barely see her profile, but he knew it was her. what he didn’t know was what a hauntingly beautiful singing voice she had. he couldn’t help but open the door a little wider so he could take her in. her eyes were closed but the passion on her face was as obvious as daylight as was whatever pain she was feeling in the moment. she is radiant, he thought warmly. he closed his eyes as well so he could listen closely to the lyrics.

when it was just the two of them, it was easy to forget the rules of the aristocracy and the judgments that came part and parcel with titles and secrets. if only they could live in the hopeful peace they felt the day they shared at the children’s center. she would do anything to see that version of simon all the time. the realization that she was falling hard for simon, and fast, was starting to feel suffocating. sophie took a deep breath and squeezed her eyes shut to keep her tears at bay, with the prickling pain hitting the back of her eyes over and over again.

no one can rewrite the stars how can you say you’ll be mine? everything keeps us apart and i'm not the one you were meant to find it’s not up to you it’s not up to me when everyone tells us what we can be how can we rewrite the stars? say that the world can be ours tonight

the male vocals started up again from her phone and sophie harmonized effortlessly, making simon feel as though he truly was observing a duet. he stepped further into the ballroom, making sure the door closed quietly behind him. in her mind, she was dancing and swaying while singing with her friends around a bonfire at the beach. back when things were a little simpler and she wasn’t falling in love with someone who was from a world that felt impossible to wrap her head around.

all i want is to fly with you all i want is to fall with you so just give me all of you

it feels impossible (it's not impossible) is it impossible? say that it’s possible

sophie stopped singing and stared incredulously at the blue-eyed brit standing ten feet away from her. no, please no, anyone but him, she thought desperately, taking in the sight of someone who was simultaneously the last as well as the only person she wanted to see. she wasn’t ready to share this part of her with him… outside of her family, nigel was the only one who had some knowledge of her passions (and it was limited to the fact that she could sing). muscle memory found her fingers continuing to play as she swallowed hard. the male vocals from her phone sang the last rendition of the chorus but she barely heard a word. she couldn’t tear her eyes away from simon’s ocean blue eyes that were looking at her with a softness she wasn’t expecting.

simon opened his eyes when he realized sophie had stopped singing and was staring at him, with a look of shock and anguish on her face. he felt a little guilty that he snuck into what seemed like a private moment, but he couldn’t help himself. there was so much he didn’t know about sophie, and he wanted to learn all he could. simon took a breath and tried to convey his support in his eyes, all he wanted was to hear her sing again.

how do we rewrite the stars? say you were made to be mine? nothing can keep us apart ‘cause you are the one i was meant to find it’s up to you and it’s up to me no one can say what we get to be and why don’t we rewrite the stars? changing the world to be ours

sophie blinked to make sure she wasn’t seeing things - simon was looking at her in a way that she could only describe as adoringly, and she felt a blush rising on her cheeks. she wanted to pretend simon wasn’t there so she could comfortably finish the song, humming along with the end of the chorus as her fingers continued to expertly dance across the piano keys, slowing as the melody wound down. she felt calmer, as though she had finally spent the emotional energy that had been tormenting her over the last few weeks, clouding her judgment. her heart didn’t feel as clouded and heavy and she looked up from her hands at simon as she sang the last verse, trying to convey her feelings through the lyrics.

you know i want you it’s not a secret i try to hide but i can’t have you we’re bound to break and my hands are tied

as the song ended, simon took a hesitant step toward the piano, his eyes never leaving sophie’s face. sophie felt her heart race and tore her gaze away. she could feel herself start to panic at the thought of having to explain her music or her feelings to simon. she started fiddling with her phone, scrolling through the compositions she saved for other songs as simon slowly approached the piano.

“that was beautiful, sophie. i didn’t know you played,” simon said softly.

sophie took a deep breath and brought her gaze up to his. “there’s a lot that you don’t know about me. and this is something i don’t like to share with anyone.”

simon drummed his fingers on top of the piano, looking thoughtfully. “you don’t have to explain yourself to me and i’m sorry if i intruded. your voice was so captivating, i couldn’t help myself. i hope one day you’ll trust me enough to share more with me. and i do want to learn more about you, it’s just things have been a bit…” he trailed off, trying to find the right words.

“hectic? crazy? awkward?” sophie chimed in, the corner of her lips hinting at a smile.

simon laughed. “all of the above. but hopefully soon, when this dies down, we can…” he trailed off again as he looked at her smile and hazel eyes that were still twinkling from laughter. his gaze softened as he continued, “share more with each other.”

sophie blushed and looked shyly down at the hands in her lap. “i’d like that,” she replied.

[lesbianlotties]

"Petals for armor" (o alguno de paramore) para el análisis de álbumes para andromaquynh por favor

aaahhh gracias!! esto me emocionó mucho y lo disfrute mucho y tengo muchas emociones al respecto okay?? aquí voy

Petals for armor x Andromaquynh

a lot of feelings about this one. it’s about the love. the grief. the literal petals for armor, being soft warriors, and dancing together bc they deserve it!! seriously some of these songs are perfect for Andy and Quynh

OHMYGOD SIMMER we’re off to a great start!! "Rage is a quiet thing, you think that you've tamed it, But it's just lying in wait" "Oh, how to draw the line between wrath and mercy?" That’s all very... Andy, powerful and angry and tired but full of love and kindness and that’s... “Wrap yourself in petals" listen, i don’t have the emotional stability to make a proper analysis of the wrath/mercy petals/armor softness/war but i Can tell you that for a pair of warrior to live thousands of years and not go mad... it’s the duality of immortal wives being soft and kinds and powerful and deadly. and i love that about them

LEAVE IT ME ALONE HAYLEY WILLIAMS this is a personal attack, okay? There's everything here "Don't nobody tell me, That God don't have a sense of humor, 'Cause now that I want to live, Well, everybody around me is dying, Now that I finally wanna live, The ones I love are dyin'" that's Andy and Quynh giving up on every god they've known, Andy herself being worshipped as a god, Quynh coming out of the ocean just to find the love of her life is dying!!!! they were immortal for thousands of year and now that they’re finally reunited Andy is mortal?! IS THERE SOMETHING THAT HURTS MORE??? also that part about not remembering someone's name. yeah we are Not going to go down that road. it hurts too much. in summary "If you know love, You best prepare to grieve"

Maybe the Cinnamon lyrics don't fit for both but since it's a personal favorite, just please imagine the immortal wives dancing to this song in one of the safe houses where they make a soft a comfortable home for the two of them to heal and love after their reunion

Same with Creepin'. are the lyrics completely accurate for these two? maybe not. is that going to stop me? absolutely not! not i only a wrote an andromaquynh vampire au titled after this song, it's a good aesthetic. aren't vampires sort of immortal? this Fits. plus, "a moon in daylight" hell yes. i like it. just picture that with andy during the church fight scene when she’s with the statue. vampire!!!

Sudden desire said horny!Andromaquynh rights! "It's cruel to tame a thing that don't know its strength" hell yes. "My kind companion, Softened stone" yup. that's andy and quynh, i mean “my gentle giant/immortal warrior” they are in love, they are hot, they are valid. this would be a nice song for the early days of Andy and Quynh walking the fine line between fellow immortal warrior and omg your arms 👀

Dead horse but out of context, "Every morning I wake up, From a dream of you, holding me Underwater (Is that a dream or a memory?)" that's the immortal wives struggling after their reunion. and it’s sad

MY FRIEND!!! "Little wrinkle by your eye, I never noticed 'til right now" they are coping with Andy's mortality and it’s not easy! we are talking about thousands of years loving the same unchanging face! "All of your good and your evil, Well, babe, you can leave it with me" although ignoring the comics can be good, we have to accept that in 6k years of life there Have to be some regrets, some things they aren’t proud of, but... "I am beside you, famine or fire (or the ocean)" yes!! exactly! now, the way miss williams literally said "We stay safe together, ESCAPE DEATH FOREVER" we say thank you for a perfect Andromaquynh song

"It's the right time, to come alive" yes it is!!! Andy being reminded of her purpose!! Quynh coming back to life!! the two of them coming alive together!!! good!!! it. aínt. Over. Yet. 

Roses/Lotus/Violet/Iris, aka Andy/Quynh/Nile/Celeste. i'm sorry but i don't know any men

"How do you sound? What do you look like now? I try to replicate our movements in my mind" oh, we have found the song for some nostalgia, some struggle there to try to be the women they used to be, to try an remember how they used to love each other and if they can go back to what they were... oh... why we ever...

"Guess I oughta clean up these bloody fists if it's alright" here we go!! Andy and Quynh meeting! falling in love!! for the first time loving someone that won't die and leave them like everyone else! It's not easy, but it's so good, and they are trying so hard, and learning how to love!! "If I want pure love, Must stop acting so tough (I give a little, you give a little, We get a little sentimental)" that’s perfect for them, don’t fight me on that

If anybody asks... they're taken *hayley wiliams dance*

"Do you taste old shame when you lick my wounds?" that's very Andy and Quynh taking care of each other after thousands of wars, but actually sugar on the rim is about Quynh teasing Andy for her sweet-tooth

"How lucky I feel, To be in my body again" a concept: Quynh comes out of the ocean, just ready to feel alive again, so excited, she deals with her trauma, she's hungry for life, this is her anthem. Watch me while I bloom!!!!!

Crystal Clear... all the hope, the promises, the trust that Andy and Quynh have in their love. "We don't know, How this could end, Let's hope it won't have to" that's a perfect way to end this

[7biases]

RM - Vlive Mono Summary

Mono’s meaning

Words that use the prefix mono, such as monopoly and monodrama.

Monochrome; 흑백 (Black and White) words that use the prefix mono, such as monopoly and monodrama

What he wanted to concentrate on: Releasing the pent up energy in his body. He didn't want to prove himself after all, just because he desires that, doesn't mean people recognise him in the way he wants anyway. So he simply did what he wanted to do

Namjoon got rid of the name “mixtape” because there was no particular need to, because it's popular to release tracks in the form of a playlist on Soundcloud recently, and also because each of the rappers released one each.He believes that people don't listen to albums through anymore; the focus is on the leading track, and people pass over the B-sides, skits, intros, outros. We live in a life of 'instants', like instant food shoved in the microwave. 

Rather than the simple catharsis one song brings, the catharsis that a playlist/album brings when listened to in order is so much larger. Only then can there be true recognition of it as an artwork. His dream therefore was to release a properly created album with a proper form. And from there, he wanted to write hooks well - and from there, wanted to create a good song. So he saw the forest before the trees. After that, to create a good album in its entirety.

Namjoon recorded the tracks in 2-3 days. It was done quickly, since he couldn't record while overseas. Namjoon says he's not going to say much about each track, especially any sort of analysis. What he hated most in school was analysis of poetry, understanding the poet's context and reason for writing. After all, that might've not been the reason anyway.

TRACK 1: TOKYO It was already given to him with the title. The title was perfect already. Donghyuk wrote the song, a friend of his since 10th grade. It's the first time they've worked together in this way; D as the producer, RM as the artist. D doesn't usually have him listen to songs, but he did for this one. And Namjoon  thought it was really good. D suggested that it would suit RM, and RM pounced on it. D said there needed to be whistling, and so they set up the recording in his studio. It added a dramatic effect. RM on Tokyo: "When you listen to it, it's a lonely song. I mean, it is for me."

TRACK 2: SEOUL RM wrote the lyrics in bits and pieces over a month. He began with the hook. The verse took a year. He kept searching for what he wanted to say, the words he wanted to use (2017 Summer). 2017 August: worked on it as a whole. Right before mono was released, he re-did it thrice. When Honne worked on it, they had to rerecord. It took a long time for him to find the right tone, a careless/thoughtless tone. It's a song he holds very dear.

TRACK 3: MOONCHILD RM assumes we would link it to 4 o'clock, but in fact, work on Moonchild began first in 2017 February. Moonchild is for those who like the night more; for those who are unable to breathe in the daylight due to work or such. "People like me. I don't put that much weight in the night [anymore]. But I made this song in a time where I believed the night set me free."RM actually brought someone in to sing for Moonchild, but it's the only track that failed in that regard. As a result, he ended up singing.With a laugh, he says that we might've been like "Why is he singing so much!" It wasn't what he'd hoped for. He'd done the demo, and so thought he might as well. Verse 2 particularly took a long time; this too took around 2 years.

TRACK 4: BADBYE RM worked on this one from early 2017 too. He was really into the harp back then, but it's changed a lot. eAeon was brought in from the beginning. RM says he was one of his hero when he was young. They met in a bar a year ago, but RM saw him recently to ask specifically for this song, saying "this song won't work without you, it has to be you." Thinks it as an important bridge for the later tracks of the playlist. He wants to say another thank you to eAeon hyung, for this song wouldn't have worked without him. He's sad that he couldn't request him for a longer song.

TRACK 5: UHGOOD "This was supposed to be Reflection." It's a song that Bang PD and he both really like. It's a heartbreaking song for him. The drums in the beginning were too bright, so he requested for another version. He did the recording all over for a calmer feeling. "I like the title so much, I really liked it. Rather than saying it's pretty, it was appropriate. It holds a lot of emotion."                              

TRACK 6: EVERYTHINGOES This is the track he wrote in the 3 days when he had to return from BV1 early [because he lost his passport] -- not that it only took him that time. He says that these lyrics are the mantra (주문) that he wants to say to himself.Just the mixing took 6 hours and the producing over a month. RM wants to say a deep thank you to Nell since he worked on this track too - truly some of his heroes. He hopes that this song can be a comfort. Because sometimes, rather than emotional or logical words, a hug means more.  

TRACK 7: FOREVER RAIN RM wondered how to use the word 'rain' that an artist is allowed just once. [He's saying that it's an oftenly used word.] It was made in a time when he was really obsessed with wanting to do everything for a track, from the beats, lyrics, everything. RM wonders "will there be a time I am able to write something that touches me?" He wants Forever Rain played at his funeral. He doesn't think there can be a song that's more him than this

Namjoon doesn't know when he can have us hear his next project, but he's already begun the 1st. He wanted to release something he's not embarrassed of, unlike his mixtape RM. He wanted to make songs that people would remember a long time. He would like if there is even one song from the playlist that we remember in the winter. For there are certainly songs that we can't forget, that are in our life's playlist.

cr. doyou_bangtan

[thepropertylovers]

A Definitive (And Totally Biased) Ranking of Every Song on 'Lover'

Have you listened to Taylor Swift’s new album yet? It’s already 2019 biggest selling record and we can see why. When T. Swift releases an album, it’s pretty much all you hear about for the next few months (and the few months beforehand, to be honest). So why don’t we count down the best songs on ‘Lover’?

Thomas is a huge Taylor Swift fan, and now that her new album ‘Lover’ has been out for over a week (and he’s listened to it approximately 113 times), he thought it would be fun to rank the songs in order from worst to best. You may agree with some of the choices and you may not, but we can probably all agree that the first half of the album is infinitely better than the second half, which is typically what you get with Swift.

Red may be her best album lyrically, but this album is probably her most fun. Even PJ (who isn’t a huge TS fan by any means) turned to me the other day and said he thinks this is his favorite album she’s ever put out, and is particularly loving ‘Afterglow’. On this album, she’s giving us HAIM, she’s giving us Lana Del Rey, she’s giving us Postal Service, she’s giving us country (?!). Are there too many songs on this album? Probably. Are some of them skippable? Most definitely. But when Taylor Swift blesses us with a new album every few years, it’s an event, and like any event, we need to make a big deal of it. So without further ado, here are the best and worst songs from ‘Lover’:

18. False God

Taylor doing R&B? I knew from the first listen of this song that it would be my least favorite on the album. I appreciate the lyrics, and she’s the sexiest she’s ever been, even more so than ‘Dress’, but it still feels off for her to be doing R&B. It’s not a bad song (does Taylor make bad songs?) but it’s not my favorite.

Best lyric: Staring out the window like I’m not your favorite town, I’m New York City, I still do it for you, babe.

17. Daylight

This is a beautiful closer, and not a bad song in the least (the words are gorgeous), but this is no ‘New Year’s Day’ or ‘Clean’ for me. It took me a couple of listens to find the melody, but overall it’s a solid closing song that wraps up everything she’s feeling very nicely. I think I just prefer the songs on the first half of the album so much more that this song never really stood a chance for me.

Best lyric: I wanna be defined by the things that I love, not the things I hate, not the things I’m afraid of…I just think that you are what you love.

16. You Need To Calm Down

What could I say about this song that hasn’t already been said? It was supposed to be the LGBTQ+ anthem (maybe it still is?) of the summer, but I think it missed a few of the points of what it means to be an ally. Still, Swift is the only big, heterosexual superstar actively coming out and supporting LGBTQ+ rights in her songs, and the fact that she’s trying so hard to pass the Equality Act is amazing. Plus, it’s catchy as hell.

Best lyric: And I ain’t trying to mess with your self-expression but I’ve learned the lesson that stressing and obsessing about somebody else is no fun. And snakes and stones never broke my bones, so.

15. ME!

Where do we even begin with this song? As the first single from ‘Lover’, it was polarizing to a lot of people. PJ and I stayed up until midnight when it was released and we were in bed watching the music video on our laptop and just kept going what? what….? WHAT?! Over and over again with each verse and chorus, and then when the “Hey kids! Spelling is FUN!” line happened, we almost shut our computer down. Thankfully they removed that line from the album version and it instantly made the song better. I think at the end of the day this is a fun, positive, and uplifting song that I actually enjoy, it just surprised me that a person of Swift’s talents was the one who wrote it. But I guess not every song has to be at an ‘All Too Well’ level, and this song is so damn catchy, does it really matter that it’s mot as good as the others?

Best lyric: I know that I went psycho on the phone, I never leave well enough alone, and trouble’s gonna follow where I go.

14. Soon You’ll Get Better

This song, y’all. It’s so beautifully heartbreaking. It’s similar to ‘The Best Day’ in the fact that it’s about her mom, but it couldn’t be more different in tone and feel. The lyrics are so beautiful and honest and raw and real, and the addition of The Dixie Chicks in the background (who I’m pretty sure were put on this earth to harmonize melodies to perfection) absolutely complete the song for me.

Best lyric: And I hate to make this all about me, but then who am I supposed to talk to? What am I supposed to do, if there’s no you?

13. Death By A Thousand Cuts

I don’t know what it is about this song, but this is one that I always skip whenever it comes on, even though I technically don’t have a problem with it. I guess it’s just I would rather listen to the other songs more than this one, which is why it’s lower on the list. It’s not a bad song, though, and I sing along to it whenever it’s on, but it’s not one of my favorites.

Best lyric: I look through the windows of this love even though we boarded them up. 

12. It’s Nice To Have A Friend

This is probably the weirdest song on the album, but I absolutely love it. It gives me major Postal Service vibes, but it’s quirky and fun and playful. I love the innocence of it and the feel it evokes, even if I don’t entirely know what it’s about or what she’s trying to say/the point of the song is. But she is right, it is nice to have a friend. Mr. Rogers would be proud.

Best lyric: Lost my gloves, you give me one, wanna hang out? Yeah, sounds like fun.

11. The Archer

I really like this song, and the only reason it’s on the lower half of this list is because I love her fun, more up-beat songs on the album so much. But I love the words and the angle she’s coming from on this one. And I will casually find myself singing, “All the kinds horses and all the kings men, couldn’t put me together again.” over and over randomly throughout the day. Even when she doesn’t write the words, Swift has an ear for catchy rhymes.

Best lyric: Easy they come, easy they go, I jump from the train, I ride off alone, I never grew up, it’s getting so old.

10. I Forgot That You Existed

I think as an opener it’s a pretty solid song. The title is a little trite, but the words are clever and I like the point of view/outlook she’s coming from when she matter-of-factly states that she doesn’t love the person or hate them, she just doesn’t really think about them at all. Which, to me, is the definition of moving on and is a lot easier said than done, but is so worth it when you finally get to that state of mind.

Best lyric: I forgot that you existed. It isn’t love, it isn’t hate, it’s just indifference.

9. London Boy

Sure this song is silly and has a very questionable opening line, but it’s also one of the most fun on the album. Having never been to London before, I really got a sense of what it’s like by Swift listing all of the things she loves so much about her boyfriend’s hometown. Plus listening to her list everything she loves about Joe is adorable, even if she doesn’t do the best British accent. Bonus points for mentioning Tennessee AND for an intro by Idris Elba. Swoon.

Best lyric: But something happened, I heard him laughing, I saw the dimples first and then I heard the accent. They say home is where the heart is, but that’s not where mine is.

8. Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince

Taylor at her most Lana-like, almost even more so than ‘Wildest Dreams’. The melody and the beat and the lyrics and the way she enunciates (and the fact that it has the word Americana in it, which is LDR’s favorite topic to sing about) reminds me so much of Lana Del Rey that I almost wonder if this should have been a duet between the two queens. I like this song because it’s interesting and the metaphors are killer. The lyrics are creative, clever, and put to good use, too.

Best lyric: Boys will be boys then, where are the wise men?

7. Paper Rings

Another fun one! I told my sister that I kind of wish she would have put this type of song out about 10 years ago because it seems a little juvenile for a 30 year old to be singing, but it’s a cute love song that is almost impossible not to dance to. It also reminds me of one of my favorite movies of all time, Clueless. Can’t you just picture Cher riding around in her Jeep with her friends listening to this song and living her best life?

Best lyric: I like shiny things but I’d marry you with paper rings uh-huh, that’s right, darling, you’re the one I want.

6. Afterglow

This is a song that grew on me, mostly because this is PJ’s favorite song on the album and I somehow always end up loving whatever song PJ likes in the end. I love how she frames a very common topic in relationships, though: that your head can make up some messed up shit sometimes and you will say or do things you don’t mean in the moment because you’re so upset. But acknowledging that you’ve made a mistake, that it’s all your fault and they didn’t do anything wrong, is the best thing you can do to correct the situation. And it really shows Swift’s maturity as a person and as a songwriter to include a song like this on her album. Also, this is PJ’s favorite song on the album, so I feel like I should have included it a little higher on the list. Sorry, baby!

Best lyric: Fighting with a true love is boxing with no gloves.

5. Lover

The most atmospheric song on the album. I wanted to not like this song because it’s so heavy and schmalzy, but I really do love it. Y’all know I’m sappy lovey-dovey, and this song is one big love letter to love, which is what she said her album is all about, so naturally I’m placing it high on the list. Me and PJ listened to this song the other night while we were in bed talking and it was the perfect background song to just be with him.

Best lyric: Can I go where you go? Can we always be this close? Forever and ever.

4. I Think He Knows

This song is SO MUCH FUN. It’s cute and poppy and boppy and I love the confidence she’s giving us. This album has a lot of 80’s sounding songs, almost more so than ‘1989’, and this is one of the best examples of it. The part right before the last chorus when the music really picks up and she belts, “I think he knooooooows!” gives me major Mariah Carey vibes and I am so here for it. Chills, every time.

Best lyric: I got that uhh, I mean, want to see what’s under that attitude. I want you, bless my soul.

3. Cornelia Street

I always think she’s at her best when it’s just her penning the songs, and this is a prime example. It’s sweet and a little melancholy, but the lyrics are so strong and you can’t help but sing along to the chorus when she sings, “And I hope I never lose you, hope this never ends.” And to be honest, I didn’t want the song to end, either.

Best lyric: Years ago we were just inside, barefoot in the kitchen, sacred new beginnings that became my religion, listen.

 2. The Man

This. Song. Is. So. Good. She’s been extremely vocal the last few years about feminism, and this song wraps everything up in a big bow and delivers it with all of the Haim-inspired gusto it can muster. The beat and music is full on Haim, but the smart and sharp lyrics are all Swift. So many good points made and I love the Leo reference in Saint Tropez. Also, I didn’t know how to pronounce Saint Tropez until this song, so I really owe her a lot for this one.

Best lyrics: If I was out flashing my dollars I’d be a bitch, not a baller, they paint me out to be bad, so it’s okay that I’m mad.

1. Cruel Summer

For me, this song rivals Blank Space in how good of a song it is, which is a big claim to make, and the reason it comes in at number 1. The tempo, the picture it paints, how you feel when you listen to the song. The lyrics and the melody, it all just fits and makes me feel like I’m driving in a convertible with the top down, cruising down the California highway as the sun is setting. Not that I’ve ever done that, but that’s how powerful this song is! It paints such a vivid picture and is easily one of her best songs to date.

Best lyric: He looks up grinning like a devil!

There you have it! Have you listened to the whole thing yet? What are your favorite songs on the album?

[thedancingsoldier]

My Top Song for The Second Half of 2019

⚠️Warning Long Post⚠️

Sam Smith: How Do You Sleep?= Lies, LIES. Lying out your teeth. The question is how do you sleep when you lie to me? This song is addictive to me. Sam Smith speaks in this song wondering how does this person sleep with all the lies that he’s been told? Sam Smith regrets staying in the relationship with this person as long as he did because he also couldn’t stay away from this person. But now he realizes he has to leave and he hopes that the love that he left, keeps this person up at night. Because he’s done. It doesn’t help that the beat is infectious and Sam Smiths voice just floats. I literally just melt into this song, and I lose myself.

Charlie Puth: I Warned Myself= This song sounds like a hook-up that went terribly wrong. In this song Charlie Puth explains how he met this person who was in a relationship with somebody else oversees. Charlie actually liked this person, so with him being skeptical, he went along with the shenanigans anyway. Later this person threatened to kill him, if he told anybody about what they did together. With that being said, Charlie regrets going about the whole thing, and blames himself and this person for messing with his heart.

Keiynan Lonsdale: Rainbow Dragon= This song is a mix of everything, but it is ultimately a message of excelling for yourself, excelling for the world, getting back up from when you fell, and changing this world for the better. Keiynan delivers some shade to the politicians as well, which is always great. One line stuck out to me, “if I can slay, you can slay too b***h.” It’s simple but powerful in its own way.

Rat City: Deliriously Good= This song is a basic admiration for a girl that Rat City finds “deliriously good”. This song makes me smile every time I listen to it, or hear it in the distance even when the volume is too low for anyone else to hear it. The beat is so disco, so retro with that modern electronic dance flavor attached to it. I can’t get enough of this song. It’s doesn’t help that Rat City made a trilogy of videos not to match the lyrics of the songs but as a story with the songs just being background music. It’s good background music though. And good marketing and good production. So kudos to Rat City for that.

Jax Jones, Martin Solveig, Madison Beer & Europa: All Day All Night - Jax Jones & Martin Solveig Presents Europa= This song speaks about another toxic relationship. The singer Madison Beer speaks of getting no sleep because of this person she can’t stop thinking about, and that she fell in love with and that she’s tired of it. This person just left her out of the blue, and never came back. Jax Jones, Martin Solveig and Europa collaborated on this song, and they did it beautifully. It’s perfectly electronic dance music, with some tropical house influence. It’s perfect.

Camila Cabello: Shameless= This song can be interpreted in so many different ways. One way I interpreted this song was, it’s one person expressing their love for the other person. Going all out with it. The other side thanks to @camrencabregui on the comment section of genius.com. They see it as a lgbt relationship. Being all out with their love and shouting it from the rooftops, not caring what anyone thinks. Either way it’s needing someone more than you want them. It’s loving someone shamelessly and with pure love in your heart.

Bebe Rexha: You Can’t Stop The Girl (From Disney’s “Maleficent: Mistress of Evil”)= Side note, I’m so glad Bebe Rexha released this song. It reminds me of her earlier songs that she came out with. And the message is as powerful as ever. It’s so Disney and that’s what makes it great and so influential. It’s breaking that glass ceiling, that still not totally broken. It’s accomplishing your dreams, and not letting anyone stop you.

Charlie Puth: Cheating On You= With this song, Charlie Puth states, on the album cover for this single, “This song is not about a person, it’s about a feeling I’ve never had.” I love that he puts that out there. It’s a song anyone relate to. It’s about both parties of a relationship leaving each other. But, one person is still attached to the other. Even, when this person meets a different person, it doesn’t feel right. This person hasn’t moved on enough to feel love for another person, other than the person they fell in love with in the first place. This song is a masterpiece.

Zedd: Good Thing (with Kehlani)= This song is an introverts theme song. Honestly it is. It basically states that the alone time this person has is already serene and perfect. To broaden this persons horizons the other view that someone else shows them, has to be better than this persons world. And according to this person, everything, and everybody else has yet to excel against that.

Yuna: Forevermore= The Malaysian artist that broadened my horizons on music. Somehow, they managed to fuse Malaysian influences with modern influences and subtle funk influences as well. It’s truly spectacular. The song talks about reaching for the stars. Finding that strength and sticking with it no matter how scared you are or how scary it gets.

Labrinth & Zendaya: All For Us - from the HBO Original Series “Euphoria”= This song is based off of the show on HBO called Euphoria starring Zendaya and Storm Reid. It’s a also a remix from the original that’s on Labrinth’s 2019 album “Imagination & The Misfit Kid”. In the show (From Genius.com), the main character of the show is Rue (Zendaya), a 17-year-old recovering drug addict struggling to find her place in the world. While her father was in the hospital, she began taking his medication. To cope with his death, she started to abuse drugs and ultimately became an addict, realizing she can’t find happiness or love without the drugs. The song takes cues from a bunch of sources, from the subtle trap beat in the background, to the choir that slowly builds and barges in at the “climax” of the song. It’s a really great song.

Emeli Sandé: Honest= This song attacked me in a good way. And it kept attacking me. And it will probably attack you too. To be honest. It simply states, “stop acting as if you can’t be honest to yourself”. Live in the present. Dont live in the past so much that you forget what is happening now in the present. Emeli Sandé did what? THAT. Honestly explaining this song does not do it justice. You’ll have to listen to this song to get it. And once you’ve done that, listen to it again, and again.

Selena Gomez: Look At Her Now= Rising from the ashes. Being in a relationship that was bad for you, and coming out of it learning about yourself more and growing from that negative experience. That is what this song is talking about. Self-preservation & resilience. On top of a beat that’s infectious. And a voice that’s soothing to the ears.

James Arthur: Quite Miss Home= You know how some songs make you want to cry? This song did that. It’s about being away from those you love. Missing them while your away. It’s really self-explanatory. But it’s a beautiful song. My side of the story is too long to tell, but this song’s chorus basically covers that.

Panic! At The Disco: Into The Unknown - from “Frozen 2”= To get this song you will have to watch or go see Disney’s Frozen 2. But I will tell you this song is the ultimate challenge song if you want to try to hit any notes that seem impossible to hit. Brendon Urie goes higher than I’ve ever heard him. I’m pretty sure his fans have heard him hit these notes, but not me. It’s incredible.

Billie Eilish: everything i wanted= This one is about a dream that Billie had. According to Billie, in the dream she committed suicide and no one cared and everyone came out and said that they didn’t like her anyway. I love that this song about a dream she had. It’s different than anything I’ve heard this year. And the melody is so perfectly blended together with the vocals. It’s captivating, honestly. Billie also molds together her relationship with her brother and how close they are in this song. And how they have each others backs no matter what happens. Billie and her brother wrote this song. Another reason why i love this song.

Taylor Swift: Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince= After finally listening to Taylor Swift’s newest album, I found a couple of gems that I come back to jam to or meditate to. Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince is one of them that caught my attention. According to Taylor, “this song is about our disillusionment with our crazy world of politics and inequality, set in a metaphorical high school.” On the surface it’s about, finding someone who sees who you really are through all the noise that everyone else is spouting about you. I felt it was a very compelling and complex story to write. That’s why I love this song. I love a song that takes me a while to decipher. It makes me think. I love that!

Taylor Swift: Daylight= Chills. I get true chills when I listen to this song. Another song that I get lost in, and another song that caught my attention from Taylor’s album, because of how the melody and the lyrics and the meaning sucks me in. It’s the last song on her album “Lover”. And she did it so right. With this song it’s like she sees, like the title implies, daylight. Reading the lyrics of the song, it’s Taylor talking about herself, but also it can be a message to everyone else. Forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for your past mistakes, for past situations that may not have ended in the way you wanted or envisioned them to end. Look at the bright side, and see that you can grow from that, and from that, rebuild a better you.

Labrinth: Something’s Got To Give= Normally, when I hear a remix of a song. I tend to go with the remix rather than the original. But this song, I went with both. Because the beat got me, the message got me, and Labrinths masterful mixing and production got me as well. I love a song that, beat-wise, can take me on a rollercoaster. I love a song even better when there’s a great message tied to it. Labrinths talks of when going on faith and the going gets tough, you’ve got to give a little more. Going for your dreams and never giving up no matter how hard it gets. It’s bass heavy, it’s message heavy. It’s everything I hoped for in a song. And it’s something I think almost everyone will love as well.

[sparkswift]

My Lover analysis

Disclaimer: some of these ideas were found on tumblr and all opinions are mine only. <3 Also hopfully this is coherent enough :) Overall: Lover is in every way about love. It sounds like new love, like being in love, being scared to love, being scared to lose it, and being secure in it. @taylorswift is looking at the world through rose-colored glasses and singing with the same storytellings, and symbolism we have come to know and love. This album shows a woman who found a love that is real and chose to step into the daylight and let everything else go.

Lover Analysis By Krishna C

I Forgot That You Existed: This song is the perfect way to start this "next chapter." This song is an upbeat bop! Taylor uses smart and witty lyrics like "it isn't love; it isn't hate; it's just indifference." This song closes the book on the persona from reputation and opens to the literal next chapter of her life. We stan.

Cruel Summer: This track was written with Jack Anttinof and St. Vincent, and you can hear both of them in this. The music is very indicative of summer. This is the first mention of the color blue, the relevance of which will be discussed further in later tracks. The growl when she sings "He looks up grinning like a devil" is * chef's kiss* perfect.

Lover: Listening to this song again after hearing the rest of the album it becomes obvious why it was chosen as the title track. This song is what I imagine it sounds like to be completely and unconditionally in love, in a way that it seems like a part 2 to "Call It What You Want." To me, this song sounds like sitting in front of a fire with the person you love, wrapped up in a blanket while a record player plays in the background. It sounds like dancing in front of that fire with your lover wearing a sheet as a wedding dress. The anxiety from songs like "Out of The Woods" disappears.

The Man: I will never shut up about this song. Taylor addresses sexism head-on through the lens of her own life. It is imperative to note this song is not Taylor saying she wishes she were a man. Taylor explores the idea that if she were a man and lived her life, in the same way, she wouldn't be scrutinized and criticized like she is now as a woman; she would be praised for it. I walk with 113% more confidence when listening to this song. Highly recommend.

The Archer: The lyrics on this album are some of her strongest yet, and this song solidifies that. The song, which has a backing that sounds like an arrow being shot through the air, is simple enough that the lyrics are the main focus and quiet enough that you can hear the fear and doubt in her voice. The invisible smoke is indicative of having fears that stop your breathing, but that no one else sees. Also, the line that references all of her heroes dying all alone is a slight nod to "The Lucky One" (2012). The initial fear subsides at the end, where she declares that she is ready to fight for her love even if it kills her. The song ends with a numb sound that is not unlike the sound a bow and arrow make when the arrow is finally shot.

I Think He Knows: This song builds seamlessly. You can hear the initial fear in telling the other person how you feel but then realizing that you don't have to say anything because they already know and feel the same way. As the song builds confidence in the feelings do too.

Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince: This song is haunting and sounds like being chased down an empty school hallway. A lot to unpack here, since she has spoken about it. Taylor has spoken of the political undertones of this song and the metaphor of a school football game as a form of patriotism. She has said this song came out of the feeling of everything falling apart in her life and with the country in 2016. In that year, she says, she became more critical of blind patriotism like the practice of Friday Night Lights. The symbolism of the football game and school be seen through many of the lyrics, notably "waving homecoming queens" and "I saw the scoreboard" and the cheerleader chants in the background. She also alludes to "Blank Space" (2014) in a lyric where she says she is "running through rose thorns" (see "Rose garden filled with thorns"). There is, of course, also a reference or two to the color blue in this song, but we can unpack that later on. In this song, she is also going with the idea of her being "an American queen," as we saw her in reputation (2017). Taylor has said this song is about finding someone who is able to escape all of the noise and run away with you until the chaos subsides. This song radiates Lana del Rey vibes but in a way that it is still completely a Taylor Swift song.

Paper Rings: This song is very recorded player 1950s but also very punk rock. It sounds like she is singing into an old microphone, and the effect is fantastic. It is upbeat and her way of saying 'I'd marry you in a heartbeat and I don't need money or fancy things (the fancy things could be a nod to "King of My Heart") to do it.' Again she mentions the color blue in regards to painting her lover's brother's wall blue. The significance of blue can be seen in the reputation magazine pictures of Taylor painting said wall and also in the lyric from "Dancing With Our Hands Tied" (2017) in which she says she was "deep blue, but you painted me golden" (golden sparkles are seen in another picture being painted over the blue wall).

Cornelia Street:  This is, by far, my favorite song. Taylor really returns to her storytellings roots with this song, something she has done beautifully since 2006. It tells the story of a love all in reference to the sacred street on which their love story was born. Taylor tells the story of a fight where she left the street and was headed for "the tunnel" (likely Lincoln tunnel), but then he stopped playing games and told her how he felt about her, so she turned around and then they made new memories on the street together. Their love almost ended, but then flourished on Cornelia street (Cornelia is also a flower that can be seen in the background of many of her recent performances as yet another easter egg). In the song, she is telling the story of their love and saying that if the story ever ended, she could never walk that street again because now she associates it with him and their love. You can hear the sadness when she says she could never walk Cornelia Street again towards the end of the song where she takes a breath. THIS IS NOT A SONG IT IS A STORY. TAYLOR HAS HER REAL LIFE LOVE STORY.

Death By A Thousand Cuts: This song does, in fact, cut a bitch up. It is a sad bop in which the instruments in the backing sound like mini jabs or a chandelier that is flickering. Taylor has said this song was inspired by the movie Something Great (2019) and the idea that sometimes a relationship ends not because you want it to or because you fell out of love but because you grew apart and then couldn't continue together. She "boards up the windows," an allusion to "Call It What You Want," of this love even when the lights in the house are still flickering and the love is still there. Its a breakup song for when you wake up at night being happy for the time you had with someone but sad that it had to end, because it hurts like a thousand cuts that will never heal, to end something that isn't and may never be over.

London Boy: This is a quick mood change. In this song, Taylor again makes a slight reference to patriotism. She samples audio from her co-stars from the upcoming cinematic adaptation of Cats (2019), James Cordon and Idris Elba. This song is so cleary about her boyfriend who is, obviously, from London. She says she can love where she is but her heart lies in London with her boyfriend. This song also makes reference to his accent which is a slight nod to "Gorgeous" (2017) in which she made fun of his accent. She also name-drops, designer Stella McCartney, which as we all know led to their clothing collaboration.

Soon You'll Get Better: In this song the Dixie Chicks easter egg from the ME! Music video finally hatches with a collaboration. This song is a vulnerable glimpse into Taylor's mother's battle with cancer. It sounds like a cold, empty hospital hallway that gets filled with love when certain people enter it, but it also sounds hopeless. Taylor lists a number of things she has done in an attempt to make this part of her life happier, none of which have worked. Nothing could work unless her mother gets better because her mother means everything to her and has moved mountains for her. Now Taylor is doing what she can to move the mountains for her mom. The depth of her hopelessness is exemplified in the line where she confesses that she prays now because "desperate people find faith." Taylor herself was raised Catholic but has seemed to grow away from that, but now she needs that faith because it means some sort of hope is out there.  

False God: The sounds from the horns really make this song. It also somehow reminds me of Halsey's music in that it feels very mysterious, and almost like you are listening to a hallucination. "False God" clearly draws yet another connection to religion, which is something she has also done in past albums with songs such as "Don't Blame Me" (2017). Again she makes reference to New York City, a city which she fell in love with when she moved there around 2014 and wrote: "Welcome to New York" (2014). In this song, she compares herself to the city, perhaps in the way that Taylor and her love are like the city in that they are "ever-changing" (2014). To me, this song sounds like sounds like driving down a dark road with a cross attached to the rearview mirror and your hand in your lover's hand as you drive without knowing what will come next on the road. This metaphorical car is being driven by "blind faith" because the two people are so in love, they will continue to move forward together ready for whatever is to come. It's what could have happened if the guy from "All You Had To Do Was Stay" (2014) had, in fact, stayed on the road with her instead of running them off of it. In this song, her significant other is not worried about what's going on with things that are outside of their control, and they continue together because they have faith in their love.

You Need To Calm Down: This upbeat bop feels like an extension of "Shake It Off" (2014), but this time it is more inclusive and with political undertones that voice support for the LGBTQA+ community especially (see music video as well). In this song, Taylor addresses the different types of hate that various groups of people (in various communities) may face in their lives and encourages people to "calm down" and not waste their breath with hateful words and useless comparisons.

Afterglow: Yet again, this song contains a reference to the color blue, which her significant other once revealed in an interview is his favorite color. Blue is significant in that it represents him, and she seems to have associated the color with him. In the past, Taylor has used colors to represent emotions (see "Red" 2012), and blue is usually associated with sadness and loneliness. This song is her taking ownership of having caused a fight, but telling him not to leave because of the fight. Taylor is asking her lover to meet her at the happy ending to come after the light, which takes place in an "Afterglow." This song seems to be yet another nod to religion in speaking about a glow that is not unlike that associated with heaven. There is a possible reference to "...Ready For It" (2017) in a lyric about an island (recall the lyric referring to "island breeze"). The bigger symbol in this song is light, which Taylor has been known to use in past albums to show different emotions. The lyric "burned it down" is not only her taking ownership of the fight, but is another use of symbolism and imagery of a fire (seen in other songs such as "Begin Again" 2012 and "Call It What You Want" 2017). This song could be connected to the idea that she wants this fire (in this case is the fight) to burn out, and when a fire is burnt out it, the embers still glow, as she hopes their love will still glow when this fight has ended.

ME!: A self-love anthem this song celebrates individuality and embodies the bright aesthetic of this album. It also makes her feelings about herself and her lover clear, especially after the dark persona she created for reputation (2017). In the music video for this song, she walks out of the invisible smoke that was present in "The Archer." This song screams: 'Yeah I might have insecurities, but I'm an individual, and you are too, and we can love each other for who we are.' A very feel-good song.

It's Nice To Have A Friend: In my opinion, this is the weaker song on the album, but still not a song that I would ever skip. Also important to note that the backing vocals of this song are a school choir from Toronto and all of the profits from the song go to them (found this info on tumblr). This song sounds like drawing on the sidewalk with chalk. It is from a school kid's perspective, to represent the child in both people in the relationship. At first and at the beginning of the song there are games, and the signs about how the two people feel about one another are not clear (see lyrics involving sidewalk and snow, note and video game). Then it becomes clear that they both want to be together, and they start to bring out the child in one another. They are more than lovers they are best friends, and all other doubts from earlier have melted away, like the snow on the sidewalks.

Daylight: The perfect end to this album of love where Taylor's easter egg from her Elle article hatches as she encourages us all to "step into the daylight and let it go." Taylor herself had to let go after the darker days that resulted in reputation (2017) in order to find the light in her life again (she has said this in an interview). Her last album felt more like a night album, but Lover and the bright and light aesthetic that comes along with it makes it very much a day album. She references the smoke from "The Archer" saying that she "in clearing the air" she "breathed in the smoke." This song sounds like fresh air in a glowy bed of flowers. Taylor is moving on to brighter and happier things, and this song is the perfect way to show it. Along with this light, is the fact that Taylor once believed love was simple like black and white but in this song we see that now she sees love "in screaming color" ("Out of The Woods"). The color that screams love in this song is gold (see lyrics), as stated before there is a picture of Taylor painting her boyfriend's brother's wall blue in the reputation magazine, the picture that follows shows Taylor painting a patch of gold paint over the blue (see "Dancing With Our Hands Tied" lyrics). The color gold is often associated with magic, light, and happiness and it is clear that this is the purpose of the color in the song as well (see lyrics "golden like daylight"). She also compares herself to her beloved New York City yet again, this time it is in reference to sneaking around the city like she was sneaking around in "Delicate" when the relationship was new. Taylor acknowledges that she has made mistakes, but now it's time to step into the daylight and keep walking and it can be assumed that she intends to walk hand and hand with her lover. The audio at the end of the song sounds like a voicemail you would listen to if you want to remember someone fondly. It sounds like a faded memory with colors that are still vivid and bright. It sounds like hope. The album ends with the word love, and that says it all.

[all-at-once-you-are-the-one]

Stream of Consciousness Lover Album Reaction

I wrote out my first thoughts while listening to the album and put them in one big post. I hope you find them as funny as I do lmao

1. I Forget That You Existed

LOL so that’s what the drake Easter egg was about!

Who is this about????

NIIIIiiiiiiiiiIIIiiiiCE

SHE SOUNDS SO GOOD

I JUST FORGOT WHAT THEY WERE LMAOOO

HER LAUGH!! SO CUTE!!

This track is somehow savage and adorable at the same time

So......yeah.......

ShnfhKJHGKSHDKGHSKGHSJG

2. Cruel Summer

This is giving me Katy perry vibes

The devils roll their dice line is from this?? Didn’t expect that

This is maybe the catchiest song I’ve ever heard

Why is this not a single??????

STILL DONT KNOW WHAT SUMMERS A KNIFE MEANS

EXPLAIN TAYLOR

This also kind of gives me Jonas brothers vibes, why???

Again.....what is this about???

OooOOoooOooWhoooooAAAAhh i loveeee this

OOOH no you know what this gives me GETAWAY CAR vibes

Wait...do we think that at the beginning joe wanted to keep their relationship private and Taylor agreed but then changed her mind? WAIT NO.....is this about her having to keep her love for joe secret at first the summer they met because she was with someone else/it was too soon??

3. Lover

Ok SUPER WEIRD transition into lover but OK

As much as I love albums with a clear narrative like rep I also like being all over the place so this is fine

CAN I GO WHERE YOU GOOOOOO

FOR EVER AND EVER ANDIIIII

YOURE MY MY MY MYYYYY LOVER

I wonder what inspired her to use the term lover? Does she not know that normal people don’t speak like that?

WAIT IS THE REASON LOVER COMES AFTER CRUEL SUMMER because of the 3 summers line?? Like look how we started...now were here

Does the album begin with i forgot you existed because its like ok this Kanye situation happened...but now were gonna forget about that and talk about the realer real story of the past couple years of my life rather than seeing it through the lens of that story like on rep

4. The Man

THE ACCURACY

THE ACCURAACCCCYYYYYYYYY

IT HUUURRTTSSS

Honestly though i actually thought this one would be more savage, i thi

DID SHE JUST SAY BITCHES AND MODELSSSS?????

SLJGSHUKGHKDG

Never mind this is as savage as i wanted

I should know better than to judge a Taylor song before the bridge

Again why isn’t this a single.....it better be

5. The Archer

The emotional whiplash this album is giving me is insane.

It’s like RED but with synths

Is the archer placed here because part of her lack of self confidence comes from the things the media says about her (because she’s a woman not a man?) INTERESTING THOUGHT

Don’t have much else to say about this, we already know

.....

Wow the cake i bought for tonight is somehow way too sweet

6. I Think He Knows

Definitely didn’t think i think he knows was about being horny af

But this is so catchy

Why is everything so catchy?? Literally every song should be a single

BOY I UNDERSTAND the confidence!! After the archer!! I love that he makes her feel that way1!!

I THINK HE KNOOOOOOOWWWWSS

This gives me teenage dream vibes and i fucking love that song

7. Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince

Ok time for the one with the weird title

I love how she keeps comparing her current feelings to how she felt as a teenager!! How its the same and different....very good.

SHES A BAD BAD GIRL

More dice!

Is she imagining what it would be like if she was in this relationship in high school? Because I DO THAT ALL THE TIIIIME GIRL SAME

THATS MY WHOLE WORLD SOOOO CUUUUTE

YOU PLAY STUPID GAMES YOU WIN STUPID PRIZES

VOTED

MOST

LIKELY

TO

RUN

AWAY

WITH

YOU

I really like this one. I didn’t expect I would.

This should be a single.

8. Paper Rings

THE VOICE EFFECT

She’s singing so fast on these songs!!!! I CANT KEEP UPP

UH HUH

THATS RIGHT

This is so retro and i loooooooooooooooooooooove it

DIRTY DREAMS??????? TAYLOR PLEASE

OMG THE COLOUR WE PAINTED YOUR BROTHERS WALL

THE PICTURE

THE PICTURE

FROM THE REP MAGAZINES

SDIHGUSHGUKHDZRKUGHKUDZHGUHDZGHDKZHGYIDZJLGJLDJGJSDJGDHZGHLGHLSHGHDG

II LIKE SHINY THINGS

THIS SONG IS SO FUN! ALL THESE SONGS ARE SO FUN!!

Ok baby boy that’s kinda weird but you know what..

....

....

Ok its still weird but maybe it will grow on me

This should be a single.

9. Cornelia Street

HERE IT IS!!! THE FIRST TAYLOR PRODUCED SONG

I NEVER WANT CORNELIA STREET AGAIN?? WHAT IS THIS ABOUT?? THEIR WORST FIGHT? ANOTHER RELATIONSIP? QUESTIONS

The storytelling!

Wait......is this about before they ran away together in CIWYW?? Like she thought he didn’t really want her so she was gonna run away alone...but then he was like no i really do lets go

I totally thought that this was the one with the staring out the window like I’m not your favorite town line was from

She ended it with the line she started with (i think)? Ike she used to!

Kinda feel like people hyped this one up too much but i do like it

10. Death by a Thousand Cuts

The piano!!!!

Like a thousand notes a thousand cuts

Look through the windows of this love - like the heart on her eye! I get it I GET IT lmaoooo

If this song was on red it would have the saddest production but on this album its a bop

11. London Boy

IS THAT JOE??? OMG lmao

HER ACCENT LMAOOOOOOOOO

I don’t know if this song is supposed to be as hilarious as i think it is but i really do think its hilarious

What does like a Tennessee Stella McCartney even mean????

I kinda feel like this song is too specific to her life to be relatable so maybe that’s why i feel that way about it?

12. Soon You’ll Get Better

Ok great... so we went from that to the sad one

I have to prepare

I didn’t tell you i was scared....

Cause you have to...

The fact that this is the country song...

I cant

GOD NOW IM CRYING THIS IS SO SAD

That was the only song so far i had to actually stop typing for. God....I’m so sad for her and her family.

13. False God

I can barely take this song in because of what just came before.

But i really like it. And i really like the theme of religion on this album

14. You Need to Calm Down

NOW YNTCD IS PLAYING

??? IM LITERALLY SOO SAD FROM SOON YOULL GET BETTER STILL

I CANT

PROCESS

THIS

This album is literally all over the place, i keep trying to assign a narrative to it and its not working out so I’m just gonna give up

Sometimes albums are just collections of songs and not a coherent, linear story and that is ok! Even if its not what i prefer

It certainly didn’t bother me on her first few albums.

The one thing i take away from this is like...no wonder she’s so determined to be so overly positive, i think for her its that or break down crying in the face of what’s happening in her family

15. Afterglow

I really love this song!!! Hashtag relatable

......

Man..you can really tell even just from my typing that my heart isn’t in this anymore after that song

Like

Fuck

I think I’m just sad for me too, because i know that i will go through that too sooner rather than later and I already have friends dealing with losing a parent.

16. ME!

My only thought on this is god bless brendon Urie for injecting so much additional joy and energy into this song and making Taylor happy, i just get the vibe that she really needed that

ALSO WHAT THERES REALLY NO HEY KIDS SPELLING IS FUN

TAYLOR EXPLAAIAIIIIIIIAIAIIAN

We’ll see if its on my physical cd copies when they arrive...if not then maybe it was always planned to be a line only in the single version

17. It’s Nice to Have a Friend

Ok I don’t really like this song that much but i really like the messages she’s trying to send like...real love feels like hanging out with a childhood bestie, so comfortable

18. Daylight

I WAS LIKE MEH

BUT THE FUCKING BRIDGE

THE BRIDGE

IM EMOTIONALLY DESTROYED

Also something about the chorus reminds me of the chorus of starlight

STEP INTO THE DAYLIGHT AND LET IT GO

YES

I WAS LIKE NO IS THAT NOT A LYRIC??

BUT IT ISTHANK GOD

THE END

YOU ARE WHAT YOU LOVE

THAT WAS LIKE

MY MANTRA FOR A COUPLE YEARS A WHILE BACK

BECAUSE

I LOVED SO MANY PEOPLE BUT THEY DIDNT LOVE ME

AND I WANTED TO BE DEFINITED BY THE FACT THAT I LOVED THEM NOT THAT HTEY DIDNT LOVE ME

IIIIIIIIIIII

I

IN CONCLUSION:

My feelings are everywhere. Some songs disappointed me but some blew me away - soon you’ll get better is basically the new Never Grow Up for me which is saying a lot. Everything is catchy a hell though even the songs I didn’t like as much. Ultimately i would have liked more songs about varying subject matter esp. self love but as it is, it is still somehow so all over the place. It really just shows how many emotions and phases can be contained within one relationship (i mean I’m assuming every song about a relationship is about joe). I really think that the song about her mom maybe should have been placed somewhere else...I don’t know where I would have put it but that shit is HEAVY. I am so honored that she and her family would share that with us though. I have a million question about how Andrea is doing and if my theory on why tour hasn’t been announced is correct...maybe she will explain more in the interviews/secret session audio we’re getting in the next couple days. I think my favorite song is Lover but that may change. I don’t think any song on here tops my current all time favorite Taylor song though which is CIWYW. That’s a little disappointing but not every song or album has to be my fave! And this album will probably grow on me esp as i hear Taylor’s explanations of it. Rep did. I really did nooott feel good about most of rep at first, it took a few days.

[colourline]

15 ways to take care of yourself through the winter depression + a Spotify-playlist

If you're living in the northern part of the world like me, you're in the winter season which also means a lot less daylight. For some, this means that the mood sometimes drops a few levels.. and then it's extra important to be gentle and patient with yourself.  Someone I know who struggles with winter depression reached out to me and asked for some advice or things to do when the winter depression is sneaking up on us. I thought she probably wasn't the only one going through this. I know what depression can feel like, but again depression feels different to different people, but I've written some things I know have either helped me or others. And even if you're not a sufferer, we all need some self-care now and then.  There are different things that work for different kind of people. One thing can be a stress-factor for some and a stress-reliever for others. Find what works for you. Our bodies and minds respond differently to different things..

Here are some ways you can take extra good care of yourself this winter.. 

 Check in with yourself. I received an advice ones, she told me that every morning before she went out of bed, she would ask herself what she had the energy to do that day. She would really check in with herself and be honest. This may take some practice, especially if you have ignored your feelings and body's needs for a long time. The less you've taken care of yourselves, the less you probably have the energy to do, but the more you practise self-care the better your body will feel. Some days don't have the energy to plan a week ahead, some days it's enough just "planning" the day in front of you. Some days it's necessary to take one day at a time. And that's o k a y .   

Eat breakfast in bed. Some days it's just too much to leave bed, but it can also make us feel even more hopeless. Why not make your own little shelter in bed. Camp there. Bring a cup of tea (the bigger the cup the better). Sometimes I feel good enough to do some "work" (like writing a blog post) in bed. Other times all I can do is read a book or watch Netflix (but let's be mindful of what we watch, sometimes what we watch make us feel even worse about ourselves). Again, it all depends on what we need. No shame in staying in bed. ;)  

Organise your Pinterest boards. Okay okay, listen.. for some this can feel like a totally unnecessary chore, if so.. then don't! BUT if you're like me and you like organising (bonus: while looking at pretty pictures) then I've found this is perfect for me! I still feel somehow productive and cleaning out old pins actually makes me feel a little better. It's always good cleaning out. On my Pinterest boards whenever I need inspiration, and then I always appreciate that I cleaned up (it's also interesting to see how your personal style & taste develops over time, I should totally write a blogpost about that some time!) and Pinterest's algorithms will know better what to show you.  

Pin some quotes. ..talking about Pinterest, when I burned out last year I dedicated a whole Pinterest board to self-care. It's called // care, love + grow yourself and I'll link to it right here. So if you're in need of some self-affirmation, good quotes or just wanna read something encouraging - check it out and pin away!  

Occupy your mind. I'm all about feeling your feelings and give yourself time to listen to what your heart is telling you aka. not pretending like you don't have feelings, BUT there are times when the mind just won't shut up. I usually explain it as "a war in my head". Now, you only know yourself if you're just avoiding your own feelings, please don't do that, eventually, they will find a way out. When all that is said, I have days when my anxiety is sky-high and my depression keeps re-playing "the-bad-memories-movie" to me. And no matter how many times I try to think about something else, it just doesn't work. It keeps screaming. Music doesn't even work for me on those days. It just brings up even more memories, weird situations or dramas that doesn't even exist. If you've struggled with your mental health, I'm sure some of this sounds familiar. On days like this, I try to distract my brain so that I drown the war going on in there. But as always, there can be good and bad ways of doing that. When I'm feeling like this I like listening to a podcast, reading, writing, declaring, watching something I enjoy, makes me laugh or fills me with inspiration.  

Listen to podcasts. When music doesn't work for me, a podcast does. Then I'm focusing on someone else's voice. Or an audiobook if you're into that. And I can either learn something new, be inspired or enjoy some good entertainment.  

Read. If you can focus enough, then read. A book (check my recommendations: "Stuff that shaped me"), a magazine, a blog, some old cards or maybe a dairy from your childhood. I've found that whenever I enter into another world my minds get occupied, just great! Or if I find a blog I really like, I keep on finding new blogposts I wanna read (I recommend Ashley Morgan Jackson and A Girl Named Leney). When all that is said, even though I love to read, sometimes I just can't. I just get too distracted all the time.. and then I forget where I left and you know.. It's better to stop and do something else for a while.  

Write. Write something. It's a good way to get feelings out of your system. Or just get down on paper all the things swirling around in your head. If it's about a person, write them a letter and burn it.. or hide it, it's up to you. I actually wrote a letter to someone. I was tired of hearing their judging comments in my mind and needed it to stop. It actually helped me - I even shared it with you. Go leave a nice comment on someone's instagram post. We can all use some love. And what a beautiful thing it is to be supportive of others. Or maybe write a song? It works for the brilliant songwriters like Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran. Let me make it a cliche, write your heart out.  

Watch. Your favourite YouTubers. Or a great movie (May I recommend The Shack? This is an affiliate link, but 100% my opinion) If I need to focus on happier things I either go to my Pinterest board dedicated to The Cat Family. Cats always make me happy. There are so many photos, memes, videos.. may I recommend videos of cats getting scared of cucumbers for an instant laugh?! They're always a joy watching. Especially when you live a place where you're not allowed pets. If you like some food for your mind I also made a playlist out of my favourite bodypositive & mental health videos.  

Talk to someone. Skype a friend who lives far away. Call your parents or grandparents. Sometimes when we feel lonely or a bit sad is because we simply haven't spoken to a living human being.  

Fingerpaint. I know it sounds like something a kindergarten would do, but getting all the tools away and litereally using your body, your hand, your fingers to *smoosh* out the paint. Feel the texture. Play around. Let go of all the pressure to create something pretty. Use some colours that fit your mood and make those fingers work!  

Create a "hygge" atmosphere. It's actually gramatically incorrect, it should say "hyggelig", but since it's the noun version that's taken the world by storm, and probably the only one you recognize then I'll be a little gramatically incorrect, just for you, haha. I actually created a Pinterest board (has the fact that I'm a Pinterest freak sinked in yet? #noshame) it's called hygge by a danish girl. Yes I'm danish. I'm born in the country of hygge; Denmark. Any other danes out there? If you check out the board, you'll know it's the real deal ;) Anyways, whenever I'm feeling a bit weird or in need of some mood-boosters. I put on some of my favourite music, I light up al the candles, I mean ALL the candles, I'll find more if I need too. Make myself a hot cup of tea with milk! I might even make myself a little snack platter with whatever I find like some fruit slices, buiscuits, candy, some yoghurt with müsli.. you name it. Bring out your favourites and when you display it all on a plate it looks fancier, feels more luxurious and might even taste better (no promises). A blanket. Depending on what you need or want you can bring over a friend, a pet, a little brother, a book, a movie.. you name it, but creating a hygge-atmosphere can make it feel more homely. And a nice treat for ourselves. Sometimes just doing something for ourselves can make us feel better. 

Listen to some upbuilding music. I don't think it's a secret that music can make us feel things and we can resonate with the words. As promised in the title, I created a spotify-playlist filled with songs that bring hope, bring courage, take away fear and makes us feel less alone or makes us wanna change the world. It's called Fight for yourself-playlists. I believe the words we say and listen to effects us more than we know. I try my best to fill my playlists with good music - especially lyric wise. There's a lot of lyrics filled with destructive thinking, not honourable and disrespectful behaviour, not to mention words I'd never say out loud.  Feel free to share the playlist! (will continue to update it, so send me your suggestions!)

Create a self-care-box. Or feel-good-box. Whatever you wanna call it. Fill it with nice things. Like letters and cards you appreciate, cute notes, maybe your favourite perfume, some good-smelling soap, photos of people that make you smile, some nostalgic things from your childhood, your favourite snack (check the expiration date first!), some dried flowers, facemasks, a good hand cream, maybe even some scrubs, things that make you smile, feel better and taken care of.. you name it. I even have a album with screenshots on my phone of every time I receive a message or nice comment I wanna remember. I call it my happy album, with lots of emojis. One can never have too many emojis.  

Paint your nails & wear some lipstick. What nonsense. You serious? Yes. I've sometimes felt a bit of shame if I used "too much" time in front of a mirror, but you know what? I've found that when I've played around with some makeup, I've actually enjoyed myself. I've used time on me. I took care of me, myself and I. Even if I were just to spend the day at home, by myself. I did it for me, not for you. Actually; painting my nails has worked as a stress-reliever for me. Such a small weird thing, but first of all; it makes me happy to look at my pretty painted nails (as long as they're not chipped), we look at them all day long and the process of creating some art on my body has made me feel better. I've heard others talk about the power of putting on some lipstick. It's not the lipstick in itself that brings magic, but the symbol of putting on putting on some war-paint on our lips actually does something to our psyche. Believe it or not. It's a little like putting on a uniform. If you've ever worn a uniform or if you have a special dress code to work, you know that it makes a difference. Imagine a lawyer in a jumpsuit!? Or a cop in a dress? How we dress makes us look differently at ourselves and at others. It's not just about judging people, it's about what signals we send out to ourselves and each other, but let's stay on track. Putting on a little lipstick or painting your nails may not transform you, but can make a little difference in how we proceed ourselves. And on days we might not feel like dressing up (we all have those days) a little lipstick will do. And you know what, you guessed it: I have a Pinterest board for that too. It's called // hair & beauty  (I've organized them into different sections, so it's easier getting what you/I want ;) You're welcome)  

If you've got anything you do that helps you when you're feeling low or some self-care tips, feel free to share with us in the comments.  I wish you the best winter. I want you to know that this is a safe place. I hope you can feel less alone when you're visiting my online home. Know that the bad days won't last forever and that even the queen has days she doesn't feel good. You're not alone in this. If it encouraged you, please share it and pass it on to people you think could need a little extra encouragement, I mean who doesn't?  Thank you for reading. Thank you for being you! // Line Thybo Xx