#I wrote this chapter when I was on vacation and it saved me from a panic attack at dinner with my family

[ravendruid]

Be In My Eyes - Chapter 30

You can read the previous chapters here or on AO3. Here we are, folks. One year later, Part I of BIME comes to an end. I will return with Part II soon because these chucklefucks still have much to suffer. Content warning: Panic attack. Summary: Finals week is hell, but at least it brings Keyleth and Vax closer... but for how long?

Vax was glad that finals were almost over. The week had been horribly stressful between handing out final essays, studying for exams, and giving final presentations. Vax barely had any time left to do fun activities with his sister and friends, not just during the week, but the entire month. All his professors became even stricter than usual, often forgetting their class wasn’t the only subject the students had, passing mountains of homework and scheduling essays and other projects they had to deliver and present within a tight deadline. The only good thing about that was that the final evaluation for those subjects was divided between the final exam and the projects, so even if Vax had a bad grade on a final essay, he could still make up during the exam. On Conthsen night, Vax was anxiously counting the hours left until Keyleth’s last exam the next day, not just because he missed spending time with her—fun time, not study time—but because that was the sign that exams week would be officially over in apartment 7B and that was all Scanlan would need to open the case of beer they had saved in the fridge and turn on the music.

Vax remembered Keyleth was still in class and that she would probably get home exhausted and go straight to studying without eating, so he closed his book and flicked the light off. He would make her dinner and keep her company while she ate, and then they could study together if she wanted, even though Vax wanted nothing more than to have Keyleth curled against his side on the couch while they watched a movie and he played with her hair. Vax loved taking care of Keyleth, especially by doing small gestures like making sure she ate. It didn’t bother him to cook a different meal for her or to leave a serving from dinner in the fridge. He did it because he loved her and wanted to care for her. So Vax made a fresh batch of miso soup that Keyleth could eat anytime and prepared tofu, eggs and vegetables so that he only had to add noodles to the soup base when she got home. It would be warm and full of nutrients for her.

In hindsight, Vax should have noticed the first sign that something wasn’t right when Keyleth slammed the door and slid her back against it. But Vax was so distracted finishing Keyleth’s dinner that he thought she was just tired, and he certainly didn’t think anything else of her tight hug when she entered the kitchen. Keyleth was usually quiet on days she got home late from school, too socially exhausted to hold a full conversation, so Vax sat by her side at the table while she ate and let her fumble with his fingers on her lap.

The second sign came when Vax asked her if she wanted company to study and she said no. He still didn’t think anything of it because Keyleth sometimes asked him to study alone, which Vax understood. He could be quite distracting. So he kissed her forehead and headed back to his room, letting her know the door was unlocked if she needed anything.

Vax finally realized something was wrong when Percy and Vex returned. They were talking in hushed voices as they stepped into the room, and when Vax heard Keyleth’s name, he turned on his chair to look at his sister and his roommate.

“What’s wrong with Keyleth?” Vax asked. Vex’ahlia was still holding Trinket’s leash, even though the massive shaggy dog was nowhere to be seen.

“She’s acting weird. She barely acknowledged our presence.” Percy answered instead. “Do you know if something happened?”

“She was fine when she got home. Maybe she’s tired. Finals week has been hard on all of us.”

“Keep an eye on her, brother,” Vex said. She crossed the room to kiss the crown of his head, then gave Percy a peck on the lips and left.

Vax didn’t need to be told twice to keep an eye on Keyleth, especially when he looked at the clock and saw how late it was. He knew her classes started early the following morning and that if someone didn’t force Keyleth to close her books, she would stay up all night studying. Again, it didn’t bother him to go out of his way to make sure Keyleth got some rest. Everything he did was for her own good, even if it meant he would have to stay up until late.

Vax wasn’t surprised when he saw the mess on the kitchen table. Books were spread open, notes were scattered, a colorful rainbow of highlighters littered on top of papers, and an empty mug of coffee sat on the table. Everyone else had some level of stress before exams—even Grog and Scanlan—but no one beat Keyleth’s anxiety.

“Keeks?” Keyleth wasn’t at the table anymore.

In hindsight, things should have gone differently. Vax should have seen the signs, but he didn’t, so he was naturally concerned when he saw Keyleth sitting on the floor, her back against the wall and arms wrapped around her knees with her head hiding between them, rocking back and forth with shallow, rapid breaths giving way to sobs, and then chokes.

“Keyleth?” Vax called again, kneeling in front of her. When Keyleth didn’t answer, Vax softly placed his hands on her head and lifted it, seeing tears falling down her cheeks and the panic in her eyes. “Kiki, what’s wrong?” He asked. Keyleth didn’t react to him, as if she hadn’t noticed Vax in front of her. Instead, she tried to put her head back between her knees, but Vax held her steady. He knew what was going on: Keyleth was having a panic attack. He had helped Vex’ahlia through them after Saundor and Syldor, and he had forced himself out of a few himself, so he knew what to do.

“Deep breaths,” Vax cooed. Keyleth was still panting and choking, so Vax cradled her cheeks and asked her again, more firmly this time, to take deep breaths. The touch of skin-to-skin seemed to be enough to bring Keyleth out of it at least a bit, just enough for her to start mumbling incomprehensible words.

“What’s wrong, Kiki? I can’t understand,” Vax tried again. Keyleth was still rocking back and forth, still breathing hard, her arms still tight around her knees. She mumbled something again, and, this time, Vax made up the words “can’t” and “it.”

“You’re safe, Keyleth. Take a deep breath in through your nose,” Vax said, demonstrating. Keyleth stared at him, finally stopping her rocking. “And then out,” he exhaled.

“I–can’t,” Keyleth mumbled. She brought her hands to her chest and throat, leaving her legs free.

“You can’t breathe?” Vax asked, concerned. Keyleth had enough strength to nod, so he extended her legs in front of her and straddled them.

“Yes, you can. Breathe with me,” Vax whispered, placing her hands on top of his heart inside his shirt. Keyleth’s hands were burning, but her fingertips were freezing. “In–” Vax took a deep breath in, which Keyleth finally copied. “–and out…” They both exhaled. “Let’s go again.” Vax kept whispering and rubbing his thumbs across Keyleth’s cheeks. One of his hands slid to the loose hair behind her ears, where he started rubbing reassuringly, always making sure to breathe slowly and guide her.

“You’re doing great,” Vax whispered when Keyleth let out a soft sob. It was an improvement from the raspy chokes that made Vax fear for her life. The hand left on her cheek lowered to her neck, where he found her pulse point and remained guiding her breathing. After a while, Keyleth’s sobs lessened enough that Vax felt comfortable to try something different.

“Can you speak?” Vax asked. Keyleth mumbled a ‘yes’ with a ragged voice. “That’s good. Can you tell me five things that you see?”

“You, the floor, chairs, the table, and the trash can,” Keyleth enumerated. Vax nodded with each word, keeping his breath steady to guide her.

“Very good, Kiki. Keep breathing with me, okay? Now, tell me four things you can touch.”

Keyleth moved her frozen fingertips on Vax’s chest. “You, the floor, the wall…” Keyleth paused. She grabbed Vax’s hand on her hair and brought it to her chest, setting it right atop her heart, and said, “And your hand.” She finished with a long exhale.

“You’re doing great, Kiki,” Vax whispered lovingly. He leaned in, pressed a kiss to her forehead and then rested his brows against hers. “How about three things you can hear?”

“Your heart,” Keyleth said without hesitation. Vax smiled at that. She must have been truly focused on his heartbeat, which was good. “Your breathing and the fridge.” Keyleth’s breaths were slower now, almost back to normal, but Vax knew he had to finish the exercise before he could let her go.

“Good job. Can you tell me two things you can smell?”

“You…”

“And?”

“Just you. All of you,” Keyleth replied bashfully. Vax chuckled but accepted the answer since he was so close to her.

“Last one. What can you taste?” Vax asked, but before Keyleth could answer, he kissed her deeply, and against his expectations, Keyleth’s tongue found his. She hummed and pulled away, leaning her forehead against Vax’s again. Her body relaxed, shoulders sagging with relief, but her hand still remained on Vax’s chest, now fully warm.

“Home,” Keyleth answered. With her breathing and heartbeat back to normal, Vax allowed himself to relax and remove the hand on her neck (although he kept the hand on her chest). “Thank you.”

“Come here,” Vax pulled in closer and wrapped both arms around her, bringing her head to his shoulder. Keyleth leaned into his embrace and sighed deeply. “What happened?”

“I can’t do it. I’m so exhausted,” Keyleth admitted.

“You only have one exam left tomorrow, right?” Keyleth nodded in response. “You need to sleep. You’ve been studying non-stop for a month, Kiki. You’re more than ready. And if you’re not, it’s not the end. You can make up for it in a few weeks.”

“I can’t. I have to go home,” Vax’s heart leaped in his chest. It’s not that he forgot that all his roommates were leaving, but it hadn’t dawned on him that Keyleth would also be going home for an entire month. “I don’t think I can pass the exam tomorrow.”

“You will,” Vax whispered against her hair. The knot on his throat was so tight he couldn’t breathe from what Vax knew was a sign of anxiety for being alone, of not having Keyleth close to him. “I believe in you, Kiki. You’re going to ace it. But you need sleep, and I won’t take a no for an answer, so you’re coming with me.” Vax pulled away and raised to his feet. He helped Keyleth up and started leading her out of the kitchen, but she stopped. “Don’t look at the table, just follow me.” He said. He waited for a sign of acknowledgment, which came in the form of a silent nod, and led her by the hand toward his bedroom door.

“I—Percy,” Keyleth tried to stop him, but Vax shook his head as he opened the door.

“It’s okay,” Vax mouthed, bringing her inside with him. Keyleth looked at him confused and at Percy’s empty bed. “He’s in the shower,” Vax explained, seeing her look. He closed the bedroom door behind him and opened his wardrobe to grab a wrinkled T-shirt.

“Put this on,” Vax handed Keyleth the shirt. She nodded and started stripping out of her clothes, which made Vax take a step back. He stammered an apology and turned, not before he saw the soft white fabric of her bra.

“It’s okay,” Keyleth said, half amused, half tired. Vax heard the rustling of clothes and then her soft, “You can turn now,” and when he looked, she had also removed her pants and was standing in just his t-shirt that fell just at the top of her hips. Vax’s face heated, but he tried to play it cool and gestured at his bed. Keyleth didn’t wait to be told twice. She pulled back his blankets and laid with her back to the wall.

“Good girl,” Vax smirked. Keyleth blushed slightly at that. “I’ll be right back.”

Vax returned a few minutes later, after finding Percy and letting him and Vex know what happened with Keyleth. She was still awake, lying on her side with her knees pulled high to her stomach, but she didn’t speak, nor did she move when Vax started undressing with no reservations.

“It’s not like you haven’t seen me shirtless before,” Vax said, dropping his shirt in the hamper. He unbuttoned and unzipped his pants but looked at Keyleth before he took them off. “Don’t get any funny ideas,” He dropped his pants to his ankles and took them off, then added, “You need to sleep.”

“Can you stay like that?” Keyleth asked bashfully. Vax cocked his head inquisitively, and she explained, “Skin-to-skin contact helps me calm. Can we do that?”

“If you’re comfortable with that,” Vax replied, lying next to Keyleth, wearing only his boxers. Keyleth covered him and then sat up on the bed. Vax tried to keep his gaze away while she undressed, but he could still see her from the corner of his eyes.

“Will you hold me?” Keyleth asked in a whisper once she was lying back on the bed. Vax swallowed hard and nodded, opening his arms. “Come here.” Keyleth laid her head on his shoulder and nuzzled her nose against him. The rest of her body was pressed against Vax’s, their legs entangled. Vax kissed the tip of her head as he wrapped an arm around her waist, doing his best to avoid thinking about the fact that they were touching from head to toe.

“Does this help?” He asked. Keyleth nodded. “Okay. Get some sleep. I’m right here.”

Keyleth was fast asleep within three heartbeats, but Vax remained awake for a while longer, watching the soft movement of her shoulders rise and fall against his chest, taking in her warmth and the softness of her skin against his body. His heart was both happy and sad. Sad because Keyleth was suffering so much from finals, but happy that she trusted him enough to let him in. In her panic-filled mind, Keyleth saw him and held onto him like a lifeline. She trusted Vax to bring her back because she knew he wouldn’t rest until she was safe.

—

Keyleth woke up confused, not knowing if what she remembered from the previous night had been a dream or real. The first thing that allowed her to discern reality was the headache that always appeared after a panic attack; the second thing was the fact that she had an arm wrapped around her waist with a hand splayed on her stomach and a warm breath on her nape. The final proof Keyleth needed was the fact that she was half-naked in someone’s bed—a man, from the pressure she felt on her behind. A small moment of panic made her turn around in bed, but then she sighed in relief when she saw raven-colored hair half-covering the tanned face of Vax’ildan, who, she realized, was also half-naked. The panic eased when Keyleth remembered everything that had happened. Even though she still had some gaps in her memory, at least she knew she had asked Vax to stay like that and remembered taking off the t-shirt he had given her. 

It didn’t matter that her underwear didn’t match (or that Vax saw her bare like that). Vax had seen her at her worst last night and hadn’t been scared like everyone else. Keyleth still remembered the times her panic attacks drove people away. She still heard what people called her and told her that day when she had to get dragged to the hospital by the school’s director. From that moment on, Keyleth refused to let anyone else see that vulnerable side of her, including her father (especially her father). Korrin had more things to worry about than her stupid crisis.

But Vax found her curled on the floor and helped her. The way he guided her through the panic attack with breathing and exercises made her want to cry from gratitude. No one had ever bothered to learn those to help her before, and if they knew those exercises, no one spared a second glance her way when she started choking on her breathing. The fact that Vax did that for her and forced her to rest when he knew she would drive herself to an early grave because of exams meant more than Keyleth could describe. 

Everything was easier with Vax. Coming home after late classes and finding dinner ready; having company for late-night study sessions, but at the same time someone who would remind her—and force her—to take breaks and take care of her needs; having someone to relax with, to laugh and talk and cry over her problems. Someone who would hug her and take her in no matter what or how bad her moods were. Vax was patient with her, always willing to listen, to wait, to care for her. He never once asked for more than Keyleth was willing to give and never took without asking first. Every kiss they shared was either initiated by her or after Keyleth gave her consent; every hug was respectful, and even the previous night, when Keyleth undressed without saying anything, Vax had looked away out of respect. Keyleth was the luckiest woman in the world for having Vax as her friend, and she would be even luckier if she had him as her boyfriend.

Keyleth turned in bed, facing Vax, who was still sound asleep. Even with the curtains closed, she could tell dawn would break soon, which meant she didn’t have much time left in the comfortable warmth of Vax’s bed. Vax’s bed. The idea of sharing a bed with Vax didn’t scare her, nor did the sight of his body pressed hard against hers underneath the blankets. Truth be told, thinking of Vax as more than a friend made Keyleth feel butterflies in her stomach, but more than that, Keyleth felt like she needed that, the easiness of not having to remind herself that she couldn’t kiss Vax willy-nilly, that she needed a reason to hold his hand (which wasn’t actually true). Keyleth wanted all of him, especially after knowing he wasn’t scared of her panic attacks, and this time, she was sure Vax felt the same way.

Even though Keyleth had only shared a bed (and a couch) with Vax a handful of times, she loved waking up before him and seeing him sleep. Vax had told her he often had nightmares, but every time they slept together, Vax was always relaxed. Keyleth never thought much of it, but considering that sleeping at Vax’s side eased her own nightmares, maybe her being there also did the same for him. Yet another sign that dating Vax could be a good thing.

“You’re thinking too loud,” Vax grumbled as a way of greeting. Keyleth turned her head to see a smile that made her melt in place. Vax’s eyes were still half-closed and crusted with sleep, his voice was hoarse, and his hair completely disheveled on his pillow (someone forgot to braid his hair the previous night). 

“Good morning,” Keyleth greeted, turning to kiss the tip of his nose. Vax opened his eyes, giving her a look and a smile that made her toes curl. He slid his hand up to the middle of her back, underneath the band of her bra, and pulled her closer to him, kissing the tip of her nose, then one cheek, the other, and, when he was about to pull away, Keyleth brought his face in to kiss him slowly on the lips.

“Not that I’m complaining, but what was that for?” Vax asked, rubbing his nose against hers. Keyleth shrugged, “I just felt like it.”

“Did you sleep well?” Vax asked her, scratching his nails up and down her spine. Keyleth squirmed with the feeling, getting closer to him, and nodded. “Me too,” He said. 

“I don’t want to get up, but I have to study before the exam today.”

“No studying, Kiki. You’ve done all you could. Studying today will not help any more than the rest of the month.”

“I need to review every—”

“No,” Vax stopped Keyleth by turning her on her back and straddling her hips. “Absolutely not. I’m going to make sure you do nothing but relax until your exam later, even if I have to stay up here all day.”

Keyleth’s entire body flushed red. She could feel him pressing against her like this, even more when he supported his weight on his hands at each side of her head and bent over to bring his face close to hers. They were painfully close and in a very suggestive position.

“What’s it going to be, Kiki? Are you going to do as I say, or do I have to make sure you—” Vax leaned further down, supporting himself on his elbows now. “—don’t go anywhere?”

“I–I don’t know,” Keyleth mumbled softly. Two could play the game. “I really need to study.” Just as she intended, Vax fully lowered himself on top of her, completely locking her in place. Keyleth couldn’t even move her hands as they were pinned to her sides by his arms.

“Keyleth…” Keyleth’s body turned gooseflesh with Vax’s sultry voice and look. Her cheeks were burning and her chest was as red as a tomato.

“C���can I at least go to classes?”

Vax glared at her for a moment, then sat up straight and said, “Only if you promise you will not study anymore.”

As much as it hurt her, Keyleth knew Vax was right. A few more hours of studying wouldn’t make a difference, so she might as well try to relax. “I promise.”

Vax nodded, seemingly satisfied with it, and started to get up, but, as he did, he turned his head over his shoulder to look at Keyleth and said, “If you’re a good girl and keep your promise, I’ll reward you after dinner.”

Maybe it was because they slept so close and bare, or maybe it was the wink that Vax gave her, but Keyleth felt her entire body burn like it was about to combust into fire, and before Vax gave her a second glance, she was hiding underneath the covers, trying to keep herself from squealing.

Vax was very keen on making sure Keyleth kept her promise, either by walking her to class or meeting her at lunchtime. Keyleth knew he didn’t do it because he didn’t trust her but because Vax wanted to make sure she wasn’t overexerting herself (and also because he wanted to spend time with her). They sat at an isolated table in the cafeteria, watching the snow falling outside as they ate in silence. Keyleth almost grabbed her books out of her backpack by instinct once she was done eating her sandwich, but she stopped herself and grabbed her laptop instead.

“When are you going home?” Vax asked, looking at Keyleth above the screen of her computer.

“My flight leaves tomorrow afternoon,” Keyleth still had to pack when she got home. She somehow had to find time to do it during the party Scanlan wanted to throw before they broke for the holidays.

“I’ll take you to the airport,” Vax said nonchalantly.

Keyleth stopped typing to stare in shock at Vax. “You don’t have to. I can take a taxi.”

“I want to spend as much time as I can with you before I have to lose you for an entire month.”

Valid argument. Keyleth blushed. “I’ll be back before you know it.”

“It’s still going to be torture,” Vax sighed. He leaned back on his chair, staring her in the eyes. Keyleth kept her gaze locked on his. Ever since their date to the botanical garden, Vax had been more open about his feelings, not thinking twice or measuring his words of affection towards her. The only thing he avoided saying was the three words Keyleth was starved to hear, but, to his defense, she had been pretty clear about not being ready, and Vax was nothing if not respectful.

“I’ll call you every day. You’re going to be so tired of me, you’ll end up blocking my number,” Keyleth joked. She looked at the clock and groaned. She finished typing the edits and delivered her last essay due later. 

“I’m never going to be tired of you, Kiki,” Vax said, getting up and standing behind her chair. Keyleth put her laptop back in her backpack and got to her feet, being immediately swept by an arm around her waist and a kiss on her cheek. “The day I grow tired of you is the day I die.”

Keyleth melted into his chest. Her heart was racing with an aching need to say what was on her mind, of what she almost blurted, but it wasn’t the right time, and it certainly wasn’t the right place. “I have something to tell you later,” She mustered. Vax looked at her in concern and tensed. Keyleth knew he was running every bad scenario in his mind because she certainly would be if he had told her that. “It’s nothing bad, relax,” She reassured him. Vax’s shoulders slumped and he finally let go of her waist.

“You’re going to be the death of me, Kiki.” Vax pulled away. They started heading out, not before Keyleth joked, “For my sake, I sure hope not.”

—

The party was blasting in the living room, but Keyleth took a moment of distraction from her friends to sneak back into her bedroom. Her suitcase was open on her bed, clothes strewn on every empty spot on the blanket. Most of her late autumn and early winter clothes were already packed and ready, but Keyleth still had a few things to sort through. Winter in Emon was harsher than she expected, and some of her clothes weren’t warm enough for the winter, but she had to decide if they would be good enough for Spring. She had been rummaging through her clean laundry basket for clothes to pack when she found something that didn’t belong and knew it wasn’t hers from the color alone: Vax’s black hoodie, the one with the silver wings on the back and the three daggers on the sleeve. Keyleth would recognize the sweatshirt anywhere just by the smell of the twins’ laundry detergent.

Even though black was not her color—or any color at all, in Keyleth’s opinion—and that common sense dictated that she shouldn’t steal her roommate’s clothes, the urge to put on Vax’s hoodie was stronger than any argument Keyleth could come up with, so, instead of setting the hoodie aside to give it back to its rightful owner, Keyleth pulled it over her head. 

The sweatshirt was soft and comfortable, and the familiar smell made Keyleth feel like she was burrowing into Vax’s embrace, which brought back memories from the nights they shared together. Blush crept up her cheek when Keyleth imagined it was Vax’s arms that were holding her and not her own, and that it was his chest she was nuzzling, and not the neckline of the hoodie. Keyleth felt so cozy and safe that she knew she could easily fall asleep wearing the sweatshirt, no matter where she was.

Keyleth was so entranced in the feeling that she didn’t hear the door to her bedroom open and close and the sound of footsteps approaching.

“Kiki?” Vax called her. Keyleth jumped in place, realizing she hadn’t heard Vax walk in. The music and voices in the living room were still loud enough to let her know everyone else was still partying.

“Vax!”

“Are you wearing my hoodie?” Vax asked with a smirk. Keyleth’s eyes widened and she took a step back, nervously playing with the strings of the hoodie.

“I–Maybe?”

“It looks good on you,” Vax cocked his head. 

“I’m sorry. It was in my laundry and I–” Keyleth looked down, trying to hide her embarrassment. “It smelled like you and it’s so cozy.”

Vax closed the distance between them, asking, “Do you want it?”

Yes. Keyleth wanted to say. When she looked up at him, she saw the same look in his eyes he always had when he wanted nothing more but to kiss her. “No,” Keyleth replied instead. She knew Vax didn’t have many clothes and she felt bad for taking his only—and favorite—hoodie. She could not take something so important from him when he had already given her so much of himself.

“Are you sure? I can buy another one.” Vax insisted, grabbing at the fabric of the pocket on her stomach. 

No, you can’t. Keyleth thought. The twins’ finances were getting worse and worse by the day. Vax had told her that he and Vex would have to work the entire winter break to save up some money for the next semester. Vax could not afford another hoodie, and to be honest, Keyleth wasn’t sure if he could find one. The one she was wearing already looked like one of its kind. “I’m sure,” She said, smiling lovingly at him. 

“You can borrow it then. Just make sure you bring it back when you return,” Vax offered. He tucked a piece of stray hair behind her ear and leaned in to kiss her cheek. “I promise it’s okay if you change your mind.”

“I won’t,” Keyleth answered quickly. Vax merely smirked and winked at her knowingly. 

“You said you had something to tell me?”

Keyleth bit her lip. She had wanted to tell him her feelings, but now that time had finally come, she was shaking with fear that it would be too late. “I–I’ve been thinking,” Keyleth said shakily. “About what you told me that day… that you l–”

Vax smiled at her hesitation and finished her thought, “That I love you, yes.”

“Yeah,” Keyleth’s face felt too warm, her chest was too tight and she felt like she couldn’t breathe. 

“Keyleth, breathe,” Vax reminded her. Keyleth’s eyes were wide open in his direction. He brought her hand to his chest, under his shirt like he had done the previous night, and started taking long, slow breaths for her to follow. Keyleth did, and when her heart rate decreased enough that she could breathe normally again, Vax reassured her, “No matter what you have to tell me, I’m not going anywhere Kiki. I’m right here. I promise I’m not leaving.”

“I know,” Keyleth replied, still shakily. Some tears appeared in the corners of her eyes, but Vax wiped them with his thumbs. “I love you, Vax. I have never felt so safe with anyone before. I’ve never felt so sure of my feelings. I love you more than I ever thought I could love anyone. Last night, you showed me you weren’t scared of me and my existential crisis like everyone else is. You didn’t run away like everyone… you stayed and helped me. I don’t want to go through all that alone ever again.”

“You won’t have to, Kiki. I’ll always be with you,” Vax said, hugging her tightly. “I love you so much, Keyleth. I just want to make you happy, even if that means we’ll remain as friends.”

Keyleth pulled away to look Vax in the eyes and said, “I don’t want to be just your friend anymore.” This time, it was Keyleth’s turn to wipe the tears forming in the corner of Vax’s eyes. “Unless you changed your mind about—”

“Shut up,” He interrupted her with a kiss. Keyleth chuckled against his lips, then returned the kiss. 

“Can we keep it between us until I tell my dad?” Keyleth asked when she pulled away.

“I can try, but I’m pretty sure my sister will smell it a mile away.” Keyleth snorted and turned back to her suitcase, resuming her packing. Vax waited, hemming and hawing at something and biting his lip until he finally blurted out, “Do you want to sleep with me tonight? Just sleep, I promise.”

Percy had left for the airport soon after Keyleth got home, having waited only long enough to say goodbye to her. She had cried a bit on his shoulder for already missing her best friend, but she understood his need to go home to his younger sister as soon as he could, but not before Percy promised Keyleth to bring her something from Whitestone. Sleeping with Vax would not be a problem without Percy to worry about, and, to be honest, Keyleth knew if she slept on her bed, she would probably stay awake all night, tossing and turning with anxiety. Really there were more pros about the invitation than cons. 

“Just sleep?” Keyleth asked. Vax nodded, biting his lip nervously. “I think that’s a good idea. I sleep better when I’m with you and I need to rest for the flight tomorrow.”

“Yes, of course. That’s the only reason why I asked…” Vax teased, wrapping his arms around her waist from the back. 

“Mhm. You’re so concerned about me, aren’t you?” Keyleth teased back, looking over her shoulder. Vax smirked at her, gave her a soft peck on the lips, and said, “Of course. It has nothing to do with the fact that I just want to sleep with my girlfriend.”

Keyleth turned around in Vax’s arms and wrapped hers around his neck. Her smile was so big her cheeks hurt. “Call me that again, please.”

“Girlfriend,” Vax whispered against her lips and kissed her. Keyleth hummed, still smiling as they kissed, and when they broke apart, she pushed Vax away with a chuckle and said, “Alright. You need to leave because I have to finish packing.”

“But–” Vax pouted, trying to grab her again.

“No buts,” Keyleth put her hand on Vax’s shoulders, turned him away and guided him to her bedroom door. “You are a very yummy distraction, but the faster I pack, the faster I’ll go back to the party.” Vax stood outside Keyleth’s bedroom door, staring agape at her. Keyleth blew him a kiss before she closed the door and returned to her packing with the biggest smile and feeling of lightness she had ever felt in her life.

Vax was her boyfriend.

—

Vax was an idiot. A fool in love. And against all odds, the one he loved loved him back. For most of his life, Vax had heard all about how useless he was, how he would never amount to anything, how no one would ever love him, so much so that he believed it with his own heart. Vax never thought he would be in this situation when he started having feelings for Keyleth, he never thought he was deserving of anyone’s love, much less hers, but here he was, lying in bed with a halo of wildfire hair spread on his pillow, Keyleth’s cheek pressing warmly against his chest, and her long and nimble fingers spread out on his bare stomach. Vax was a selfish man because even though he had to wake Keyleth up soon, he wanted to steal these last moments of quiet and safety with her. The early hours of the rest of the morning would be reserved for silent breakfasts and last-minute packing and double-checking of luggage, then they would both catch a taxi to the airport, where Vax would finally let Keyleth go. 

No. Vax would steal these last precious moments with his girlfriend. But because all good things must come to an end, the alarm clock destroyed those final moments. Keyleth sat up on the bed, still half-asleep, but already half-anxious. The blankets pooled on her lap revealed the soft blue workout bra she had picked for the night and the flight (Vax hadn’t complained when Keyleth started taking her clothes off and dove under his blankets, and he certainly didn’t complain when he followed her in just his underwear. She was right, after all. Skin-to-skin contact was more relaxing than just cuddling), and when Keyleth pulled them away, Vax mustered all his self-control to not follow the lines of her back down to where her hips raised from the bed as Keyleth crawled over his legs.

“Shit, shit, shit,” Keyleth swore as she started putting on the clothes she left prepared on Percy’s bed. Vax remained in bed, lying on his side, watching her flutter around the room with a smile. “I still have to pack all my toiletries and brush my hair. I forgot to put it in a braid last night–” Vax didn’t say anything. Keyleth was mostly talking to herself rather than with him, and he let her be. It helped her to go through her to-do list out loud.

“Ugh. My hair is a mess,” Keyleth cried, combing her fingers through her locks, getting them tangled in the knots. She turned to Vax, who was still smiling fondly, and cocked her head to one side. “What are you smiling about?”

“You,” Vax said, sitting up. He stretched his arms high above his head and saw the way Keyleth’s eyes dropped from his face to his torso. “You’re adorable. You still have plenty of time. Grab your hairbrush and come here.” Vax said, leaning back against his headboard and patting the blanket between his legs. Keyleth rolled her eyes but did as he said, so Vax started combing and braiding her hair for her. When he finished tying the braid with an elastic, he pulled it softly and kissed Keyleth’s neck. 

“Stop it,” she scolded him playfully but turned away to face him and kiss him passionately. “Thank you.”

“Anytime, my love.” 

“I’m going to finish packing now,” Keyleth said, giving him a sad look before she got up and headed out of the bedroom. Vax stretched again (it didn’t feel as satisfying without Keyleth ogling him) and started getting dressed. He knew Keyleth wouldn’t make herself anything to eat before her flight, so he headed into the kitchen where he brewed a pot of coffee (which surely all his other roommates would be happy for since most of them were leaving, too), and prepared Keyleth and himself a quick breakfast. By the time Keyleth arrived in the kitchen with her fully packed suitcase and backpack, Vax was leaning against the counter, stirring a bowl of apple, cinnamon oatmeal with honey and walnuts.

“I made you breakfast,” He announced. Keyleth grimaced, but Vax said he wouldn’t take a no for an answer before she opened her mouth to reject the meal. They ate in silence, sitting next to each other at the table. Vax’s free hand rested on Keyleth’s knee the entire time, rubbing circles with his thumb with the intent to help her relax. Keyleth was wearing his hoodie (which Vax was trying to ignore because it made him want to hold her hostage and not let her go back home), but it was missing something. 

“Kiki, can you take that off?” He asked her. Keyleth gave him a look as if to say there’s no way I’m taking this sweater off ever in my life, but Vax insisted, wiggling his fingers, “Please? I’ll bring it right back.” She finally complied, so Vax ran to his bedroom, where he sprayed it with his cologne, and ran back to the kitchen, handing it back to Keyleth.

“Here, I think you’ll like it better,” He said as Keyleth put the sweatshirt back on. He was right because Keyleth buried deeper into it with a pleased smile. 

“Thank you,” Keyleth said, getting up. She fumbled slightly with the strings, hesitating for a moment, then finally found the courage to pull Vax by the opening of his jacket and kiss him. “This will make it slightly more bearable.”

“I figured it would,” Vax said, brushing her cheek. “We have to go. Are you ready?” Keyleth nodded. Vax placed the dirty dishes in the sink to wash later and helped Keyleth with her suitcase and backpack. 

Unfortunately, there wasn’t much traffic on the way to the airport, so the ride was short. Vax kept Keyleth’s hand in his the entire ride, only letting go of it when they arrived so she could pay for the taxi and when she checked into her flight. They still had a few minutes before she had to go through security, which Vax decided to spend glued to his girlfriend. 

“I’ll call you every day,” Keyleth promised. Vax nodded. He tried to keep his sadness down, but it was hard. This was the first time he and Keyleth would be apart for so long, and it was especially hard because they hadn’t had the chance to be boyfriend and girlfriend for long. 

“I’ll call you if you don’t call me. And I’m going to text you all the time so you don’t forget me.” Vax teased her.

“Oh, please. You’re unforgettable,” Keyleth teased back and kissed him, but then her smile faded. “Unless you’re the one who’s going to forget me…”

“Do you really think so?” Keyleth shook her head, but she still bit her lip nervously. “Of course not. I’m going to be here when you come back. In fact, I might stay and sleep at the airport to make sure I’m here on time for when you return.” 

Keyleth laughed. They both knew there was some truth behind the joke. Vax really would do something like that. “I’ll be back before you know it,” She said, hugging him tightly. Vax squeezed her as hard as his heart was breaking. His eyes were warming with tears, his throat was closing, he couldn’t swallow anymore, and his vision started darkening. Vax wasn’t ready to let go of Keyleth yet, not when he had just finally gotten her. The week they were apart as friends had already been horrible for both, and Vax knew this time would only be worse. 

“I already miss you,” He confessed. “You’ve been my girlfriend for twelve hours and I already have to say goodbye to you… it’s not fair.”

“I’m sorry,” Keyleth swallowed hard. Vax saw she was suffering just as much as he was. “I’ve had this trip booked since the beginning of the semester, otherwise I would stay with you.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I’m just grumpy.”

“I’m sorry it took me so long to get my head out of my ass,” Keyleth’s eyes were starting to fill with tears, but Vax wiped them before they could fall. 

“I would have waited all my life. I will wait all my life for you, Keyleth, and if I die without you by my side, then I will wait in the afterlife for as long as it takes until we’re finally together.”

“Vax–”

“I love you, my sunshine.”

“I love you too, my grumpy raven,” Keyleth whispered against Vax’s lips before she kissed him longingly. “I have to go now,” She said, adjusting the straps on her shoulder.”

“Text me when you land?”

“Of course. I’ll miss you.”

“I’m right here with you,” Vax pulled the drawstrings of her hoodie. “I’ll always be with you, love.” Keyleth nodded. Neither could stop their tears from falling anymore, no matter how much they wiped at their eyes. 

“I’ll always be with you, too, Vax. I’m yours, forever and ever, and always.”

“And I’m yours, Keyleth. Forever and ever, and always.”

In hindsight, Vax should have known it would be the last time he kissed his girlfriend for a while, and Keyleth should have taken the five extra minutes to savor the taste of Vax’s tongue on hers. In retrospect, things could have been so much different than they were, had either of them known what would be waiting on the other side. But something deep inside Vax, a dark pitch that he had been trying to escape for years and that he finally thought he had gotten rid of with the help of Keyleth, crept closer and closer until, eventually, it swallowed Vax’ildan whole.

That is the problem with last kisses. Opposite of first kisses, last kisses aren’t usually memorable because one doesn’t always know it happened until it’s too late, and when one is finally faced with the truth, one can’t stop wishing they had just five more minutes of it. 

Just five more minutes with her. Just five more minutes with him.

Wishing they had just five more minutes together.

[sluttywonwoo]

instead of you [part thirty-three] || l.mh

pairing: [best friend’s brother] lee minho x college!reader ft. han jisung

summary: you didn’t expect to spend your summer pretending to be your best friend’s girlfriend- then again, you didn’t expect to fall for your best friend’s brother, either. 

warnings: swearing, angst, discussions of plane disasters, mentions of sex (mdni ; 18+)

word count: 3k

a/n: revamped my tom holland series from my main blog ( @wazzupmrstark ) to try and motivate myself to finish it!!

additional a/n: disclaimer that this chapter and the following chapters take place on oahu and kauai, hawai'i. i wrote this a year ago (originally posted on sept. 22, 2022) and included mentions of the negative impact and sentiment tourism in hawai'i procures, but it was before the fires in maui. i included hawai'i in their vacation in the first place because i'm part hawaiian and wanted to bring attention to our people's attitude toward tourists while also writing about the parts of the islands that i grew up loving. and i thought i should clarify that before posting, as i feel the context is important to precede what would be an otherwise distasteful choice if i had written this now. please keep hawai'i in your thoughts, mahalo plenty <3

series masterlist | early access to the next chapter on ko-fi

Predictably, you cried yourself to sleep. You debated over whether or not to tell Minho. He’d probably find out when he woke up in the morning but would he be mad if he didn’t hear it from you? If Jisung was right, he didn’t care about you at all, so why would you grant him the courtesy of a head’s up? You didn’t want to believe Jisung, rather, you wanted to believe that he had only said those things in the heat of the moment but at the end of the day, he knew Minho far better than you did. Whether or not he was telling the truth to try and save you or lying to hurt you was up to you to decipher.

You wound up texting Minho, ‘Jisung knows,’ without any other context and calling it a night. 

The next morning, you woke up to a message from Jisung telling you not to bother getting ready for the day and that he’d be going on without you. It was mostly a relief not to have to put on an act after everything that happened the night before but it also stung.

You weren’t very optimistic about repairing your relationship with Jisung, but any lingering hope vanished when he wouldn’t even look at you in passing in the hallway. 

You spent the entire day in bed, trying to distract yourself with anything you could think of to pass the time. You scrolled through social media until your timelines stopped refreshing with new content. There wasn’t anything interesting enough on TV to pull you out of spiraling so you didn’t even bother trying to find something to hold your attention. 

At one point you remembered the book you were reading but as soon as you opened it you were greeted by all of Jisung’s little annotations he had left for you. He still had your book and you wondered if he would ever finish it now that you’d ruined everything. 

You thought about texting him, just to check in or try and talk about things but you didn’t want to bother him. A couple of times, you almost texted him just out of instinct. You would go to send him a tweet that you thought he’d find funny and then remember.

Minho came by your room that night after dinner when everyone was back from the day’s activities. He knocked twice, letting himself in before you’d even finished telling him he could enter. 

“Care to explain what happened?” he asked, hands on his hips.

You shrugged noncommittally. “Jisung found out.”

“How? Did you tell him?”

“And ruin my own relationship with my best friend? Yeah, definitely.”

Minho rolled his eyes. “I didn’t come here to argue. I just want to know what happened.”

“Then don’t accuse me of shit.”

“I didn’t mean- I’m sorry. That’s not what I was trying to do.”

You sighed and signaled for him to sit down if he wanted to. He did, perching himself on the edge of the bed cautiously. 

“He knows because he noticed me sneaking out and finally decided to follow me.”

The color drained from Minho’s face. “So he heard-”

You nodded. “I don’t know how much, but enough.”

“Fuck.”

“Fuck is right.”

“He wouldn’t say a word to me today,” Minho said. 

“He wouldn’t even look at me.”

“I guess we knew this would happen eventually.”

“Yeah.”

“We fucked up.”

“Yeah.”

“You were right.”

“What do you mean?” you asked, furrowing your eyebrows.

“We really do deserve each other.”

Oh. What Jisung had said earlier rang through your ears again. 

“I guess I was.”

Just then, the door to the bedroom opened and Jisung walked in, scoffing as he passed his brother. 

“I should have known,” he muttered to himself. 

“Ji, look-” Minho tried, only to be immediately cut off by his younger brother. 

“Don’t. Please just fucking don’t.”

“But-”

“God, you never listen to a word I say, do you? Either of you?”

You wanted to protest that you did listen to him but you thought better of it. It wouldn’t help your case at all. Instead, you sat there silently like a child being scolded. 

“I don’t want to hear you explain yourself,” Jisung continued. “I don’t care why you fucked my best friend. I think the act in itself doesn’t need an explanation.” Minho opened his mouth to respond but Jisung cut him off again. “I don’t want to hear an apology either. I already know you don’t mean it. In fact, I think we’re done here so if you wouldn’t mind getting the fuck out of my room...”

Minho looked like he wanted to argue but likely knew it wouldn’t do any good so he simply hung his head and let himself out, bidding you a quiet goodnight as he left. You didn’t respond. You didn’t even acknowledge him. How could you?

“Don’t forget to pack your things for the flight tomorrow. It’s a long one.”

You sat there, stunned. You hadn’t expected Jisung to speak to you at all, let alone say something amicable. 

“O-ok thanks,” you responded shakily.

“I’m sleeping in here tonight,” he added. 

“Oh-” you scrambled up, preparing to leave but Jisung stopped you. 

“No, I meant with you. It’d look weird if I slept on the couch again.”

Of course. Keeping up appearances.

“Is it even worth it to do this anymore?” you asked. “I mean, it’s falling apart at the seams.”

“It’ll be fine,” Jisung argued. “It’s just a few more weeks.”

“Do you really want to keep pretending to be in love with someone you hate?”

He froze, still bent over his suitcase. Then he straightened up and turned to face you. 

“I don’t hate you.”

“You don’t?”

“No, I don’t think I could ever hate you. I’ve been trying, trust me.”

You weren’t sure how to take that. You weren’t sure how you were supposed to take it. You tried not to let his words stoke the embers of hope you were still clinging on to but it was already proving difficult. 

“Maybe with time,” you suggested. 

He shrugged. “Ready for bed?”

-

You managed to get some sleep, despite everything. It took a while for your heart to calm down as you lay there beside your (ex?) best friend who was already snoring softly. He had fallen asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. You weren’t sure how he was able to drift off so easily in spite of your whole friendship falling apart but perhaps the stress was only one-sided. 

You were the one being eaten alive by anxiety and guilt. All he had to do was mourn the loss of everything you destroyed. 

The hours of sleep you did get passed quickly without dreams which was unusual for you. Before you knew it, Jisung’s alarm was going off and both of you were groaning as you dragged yourself out of bed. 

You finished packing the rest of your things in relative silence. Neither of you had much to say aside from when you passed each other’s things back and forth from your suitcases. 

The sun had yet to come up when the rest of the Hans gathered in the kitchen with their luggage. Since the flight was over twelve hours long Jisung’s parents had booked the earliest possible departure which just so happened to be before the sunrise. 

The boys slept during the ride to the airport but you weren’t able to. You were squished between Jisung and Minho in the very back of the van, feeling like a pin in a grenade. They ignored each other, of course, both seemingly dead to the world. 

Minho woke up before Jisung. He glanced over at you and offered an expression of sympathy. You just shrugged in response. 

Sitting in the car like that caused your knees to brush up against each other every so often, each time you rounded a corner or went over a speed bump. Every time it happened you fought the urge to meet his eyes. The touch, be it fleeting, made your chest tighten over and over again until you were half-convinced you were going into cardiac arrest. Eventually, Minho gave up trying to give you space and just let his knee rest against yours. Funnily enough, it helped you relax.

“Sorry,” he muttered.

“It’s fine.”

He was so hard to read these days. Not that he was ever easy to read. You couldn’t tell whether or not he liked having his knee there. You weren’t sure why you were getting so caught up on it in the first place.

You longed to hold his hand. You longed to hold Jisung’s hand. But all you could do was sit there in between the two and wait until you finally arrived at the airport. 

Thankfully, Minho was sat with his parents for the flight, which meant you were squeezed in between Jisung and Felix. You gave Jisung the window seat, knowing you wouldn’t get any sleep yourself. He looked like he wanted to argue when you offered it to him but ultimately surrendered when he saw the look in your eyes. You compromised for switching halfway through since the flight was so long but even that seemed to be pushing it for him. 

It was funny how Jisung was still looking out for you after everything you had done. It was as if it was instinctual to him, to put you before himself. The realization almost made you tear up. Had you cared that much for him too? Or was it all one-sided? Either way, you were positive you didn’t deserve him.

-

Dom had chosen Hawai’i as his destination. A controversial choice, given the state of tourism at the moment, but it wasn’t like you had much say in the matter. Jisung had confided in you earlier in the trip that he had tried to talk his father out of it but that he couldn’t be swayed. 

“We might as well try to make the most of it,” you argued. “It’s like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, right?”

He shrugged. “I guess.”

The flight from Bali to Hawai’i was over twelve hours long which meant that you had roughly six hours to figure out how to entertain yourself before it was time to trade places. You could try to sleep but that meant leaning on Jisung and you were almost positive the last thing he wanted was for you to touch him right now. 

You didn’t feel like paying for the in-flight wi-fi so you had to get creative with how to keep yourself busy. You scrolled through your camera roll for a while but it just made you sad. The pictures from the trip were one thing, but then there were all of the ones of you and Jisung back at school. The further back you went, the happier you seemed. There was no way that was actually true, it was just putting more distance between what had happened in the present from the way things were in the past. That, and you had a tendency to romanticize the past. 

“Did you know flight attendants are trained to take oxygen masks from passengers?”

Felix’s voice from beside you pulled you from your spiral of self-pity almost immediately. You turned to look at him and cocked your head in confusion. 

“What?”

“Like, you know that whole spiel they give you about safety before the plane takes off? And they’re like ‘during the flight, oxygen masks might drop from overhead’?”

“No, I know all of that. Why would they take the masks from passengers? Do they not have their own?”

“They do, but they might need to move around the cabin when that happens in case of an emergency or something, and if that were to be the case, they’re trained to take masks from passengers to oxygenate themselves. They’ll give it back, but in order to do their jobs they might have to borrow one without asking.”

“What if the passenger passes out?”

“Then they’ll be able to help them! Because they’re fully oxygenated.”

You made a face. “I’m glad you’ve got the aisle seat, then.”

Felix shrugged, grinning. “It sounds fucked up, but it’s just logistical. Wanna know something actually fucked up? These seat belts are practically useless.”

“What?” you weren’t sure if you really wanted to know where he was going with this but your morbid curiosity got the better of you once again. “What do you mean?”

“Well, they help with turbulence and stuff but in the event of a crash, these aren’t going to do shit for us. They’re just here to keep us strapped to the seat so they can identify the corpses by looking at the flight log.”

You sat there in stunned silence as the information Felix had just told you sunk in. 

“That is... so dark,” you said finally. 

“Yeah, but isn’t it interesting?”

“I guess, but why did you have to tell me all of this while we’re in the air?”

“Because it’s relevant!”

You sighed and glanced back at Jisung who was asleep and slumped against the window. “Ready to switch?”

It was just a joke but Felix scoffed nonetheless. 

“I’m offended,” he whispered. 

“And I’m traumatized.”

“My bad.”

Somehow, Felix kept you occupied until it was time to switch with Jisung. You lost track of time talking to him about everything and nothing. Out of all of the Han brothers, Felix was the one you knew the least. 

You learned a lot about him in the six and a half hours you sat next to each other. You learned that he, like Jisung, had a passion for photography. He liked anime but manga adaptations always disappointed. He wanted to be a dancer when he was little, just like his big brother. 

When it was Felix’s turn to inquire about you, you were sort of at a loss for words. You had to tread carefully around how much to actually reveal about yourself. When to lie, when to stretch the truth. You were exhausted. It was exhausting. But Jisung had made it clear that this was still important to him despite you not seeing the point anymore. So you played along for his sake. It was the least you could do since you ruined everything else. 

You talked mostly about school, what you were studying, what you wanted to do with your degree... all the small talk that usually took place when you first met a person, not after you’d been traveling with them for over a month. But Felix didn’t know a lot about you interests wise so he listened intently and asked a lot of questions. 

When it was finally time to actually switch, you were half-relieved, half-bummed. Talking with Felix was fun but you hated lying to him. 

Jisung lifted up the armrest between you and him to let you slide over while he stood awkwardly in the aisle. 

“Do you want to use my hoodie as a blanket, baby?” he asked.

“Sure, thanks.”

He laid it over your shoulders after you got settled against the window, kissing you on the head and telling you goodnight. 

You shut your eyes and tried to relax but sleep wouldn’t come. You knew it wouldn’t. You took deep breaths in an attempt to slow your heart rate, lowkey considering holding your breath until you passed out. 

Next to you, Jisung was flipping through the in-flight movies. You could hear him tapping on the touchscreen, huffing in frustration when he couldn’t find anything he wanted to watch. 

“You okay, bro?” Felix asked his twin. 

You felt Jisung sort of shift, likely checking to see if you were asleep. He sighed. 

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Relationship troubles?” Felix guessed.

“Why do you ask?”

“You’ve been pissy for like, the past two days. I assumed it had something to do with your girlfriend.”

“She hasn’t been sleeping well,” he explained simply, lying through his teeth. Well, it wasn’t technically a lie because you weren’t sleeping well, but that had nothing to do with why Jisung was upset. “The exhaustion has been leading to a lot of fights.”

“Sorry, man.”

 “It’s okay. It happens. Not that you would know.”

Felix scoffed. “Ouch, I try to have a heart-to-heart with you and you go there?”

“This is a heart-to-heart to you?”

“You know what I mean. A real conversation.”

“Okay, but I’m right. You wouldn’t know.”

“Not all of us can have healthy relationships like you, Jisung,” he sighed.

“I know. I think I’m mom and dad’s only chance at grandchildren at this point.”

“Not if our brother has anything to say about it,” Felix said lowly. 

“What do you mean?” Jisung asked.

He sounded genuinely confused but you knew that internally he was panicking because you were too. You were still pretending to be asleep but you had stopped breathing, waiting to hear what he would say next. How much did Felix know? You and Minho weren’t great at sneaking around but you had at least tried to be a little careful. 

“You mean you haven’t noticed the way Minho looks at her?”

“Not really? But you spend more time with him. You know him better than I do.”

“Well, you should pay more attention. He makes it kind of obvious,” Minho muttered.

“Makes what kind of obvious, though?”

“That he wants her.”

“What?” 

“I can’t believe you haven’t caught on to him flirting with her.” 

“Well obviously he’s doing it behind my back so-”

“Sorry you had to find out this way,” Felix said, likely grimacing, “but at least she isn’t reciprocating, from what I’ve seen.”

“Yeah, at least there’s that,” Jisung murmured. 

You were able to exhale in relief, but only slightly. Felix didn’t know everything but he could tell Minho was interested which wasn’t a good sign. How long had he been picking up on that? 

Your best friend sighed angrily. “The one thing I thought Minho couldn’t take from me-” 

You bit the inside of your cheek, guilt consuming you all over again. 

“Don’t you think that’s a little dramatic?” Felix asked. “He hasn’t even made a move or anything, mate. I just think he thinks she’s cute.”

“With Minho, that’s enough.”

i'm sick so no tags :(( but i've got nothing else to do so here ya go, lmk what you think I always appreciate feedback!!

add yourself to the taglist here!

[snek-eyes]

Good Omens fic recs

Hello all! Wanted to share a few of my longtime faves. These are all pre-s2, might do another with my post-s2 recs? Narrowed it down to 10, since that's the max links tumbl lets you have in a post.

Any Way You Want It

Author: Justkeeptrekkin Words: 27,500 Chapters: 5/5 Rating: Mature Mood: Vacation, soft but introspective After finally getting heaven and hell off their backs (at a cost) Crowley and Aziraphale go on holiday to a cottage in Scotland. Fluffy with fun snappy dialogue, the two really feel like best friends here! Aziraphale struggles with his tendency to go slower than even he wants.

Instructions Not Included

Author: Atalan Words: 68,000 Chapters: 13/13 Rating: Teen Mood: Detective / Gen (There are feelings but it earns that slowburn tag) My "if season 2 isn't good, this is my season 2" fic. Now, I liked season 2, but this is still SO good. After the notpocalypse, Aziraphale and Crowley start a detective agency investigating supernatural happenings together. New characters include Raphael (who totally missed the apocalypse haha whoops), and a big spooky dog (whomst I adore). Note that while this fic stands just fine on its own, there is an unfinished sequel that imo doesn't leave off anywhere stressful.

When in Rome

Author: Kedreeva Words: 4,000 Rating: General Mood: The liminal space of nighttime conversations What happens after Aziraphale invites Crowley to oysters: Wings and reading. Tentative and innocent in those early days.

the deft, sweet gesture of your hand

Author: deadgreeks Words: 12,000 Rating: Explicit Mood: Hurt/Comfort, introspection A few years after the failed apocalypse Crowley shows up badly injured at the bookshop. Aziraphale has to help heal Crowley and save them both, and still finds the time to knit his feelings.

Chemistry

Author: Twilightcitysky Words: 122,000 Chapters: 19/19 Rating: Explicit Mood: Y'ever want a side of learning something with your romcom? After realizing they might need their own corporations to heal themselves now that they're not working for heaven and hell, Aziraphale and Crowley turn on all their bodily functions. All of them. What could be a silly premise is played out very satisfyingly, the actual biology of hormones at play here is fascinating. (this is not really at all related but: has anyone else read Peeps by Scott Westerfeld? Because the format reminded me of this in that it did a similar thing of playing straight the concept of "what could cause vampires to be real" that drew on inspiration from real life parasites interspersed between the chapters. I dig it. Anyway!)

Reservations

Author: AnnetheCatDetective Words: 10,000 Chapters: 3/? (Technically unfinished, but leaves off in a satisfying spot) Rating: Not Rated Mood: Meta (Character study as story) “There's some competition for Aziraphale and Crowley's usual table at the Ritz…” A couple of miracles bend reality and, well… you ever been like, “The boys need therapy, but who could possibly give it to them?” I love crossovers where the TV boys meet other versions of themselves, this one is my favorite.

i can't say the words, so i wrote you into my verse

Author: mygalfriday (BrinneyFriday) Words: 5,000 Rating: Teen Mood: Snapshots through history "Crowley has tattoos and every few centuries, Aziraphale discovers a new one." Simple and paints a lovely picture.

By Definition

Author: idiopathicsmile Words: 3,000 Rating: Explicit Mood: Smutty but fond A night together after the Ritz fic where Aziraphale is asexual and Crowley isn’t and how that works for them. The dialogue here is positively delightful.

Bark Dust

Author: rfsmiley Words: 8,000 Rating: Mature (mostly for injuries) Mood: Whump, Hurt/Comfort, Historical Crowley is very badly injured in a battle, and Aziraphale has to figure out how to save his life.

Tell Me A Story

Author: brilliant_or_insane Words: 5,000 Rating: Teen Mood: Soft and warm Aziraphale likes telling stories and Crowley likes to listen. But when the demon is dissatisfied by sad endings and can't relate to the happy ones, Aziraphale decides to move them forward by telling a new story. (Of course, Crowley isn't entirely satisfied with the angel's perspective on that one either.)

[calinaannehart]

time is shortening (down to the bone)

Chapter 2

“Okay, Bobby should be here any minute, he’s going to take you to chemo, but then he’s got that meeting with the chief so Hen is going to pick you up and bring you home. Then she and Karen have got a playdate with Mara’s brother so Chim’s going to come over after he’s dropped Jee off at the Lee’s. I think he’s got this plan for, like, a movie marathon or something, so save your energy for that, and then Eddie will take over from him and do your physio with you. Now, I’ve told him that you’re leg has been pretty bad the past few days so don’t try and just suffer through it, you hear me? And then Eddie will stay with you until I get off my shift, I should be back about eight, but that will all depend on how the traffic is at—what?”

Tommy’s looking up at him from his spot on the couch, heated blanket draped over his legs, and his head is cocked to one side matching the fond, yet slightly exasperated, smile that he’s directing at Buck.

“You know you wrote this all on the calendar already, right?” Tommy says, throwing a thumb over his shoulder toward the kitchen. “I haven’t lost my memory yet.” His eyes scrunch as his smile turns teasing.

Despite everything he’s going through Tommy hasn’t lost that dry sense of humor that had caught Buck’s attention. Right from that first meeting, when Chim had driven them to the harbor station after calling Tommy for help finding the cruise ship, there had been something special about Tommy. Buck just hadn’t been able to work out what it was straight away.

The man had swanned out of the hanger clad in a blue jumpsuit that should have been unflattering, but somehow looked like he’d swiped it right from a fashion catwalk, and greeted Chim with an embrace that dwarfed the small man. Tommy had shaken Buck’s and Eddie’s hands in turn and asked them what their plan was. He hadn’t even taken a second to consider another option when Chimney had asked if he could get them a helicopter.

“For Captain Nash, anything,” Tommy had said solemnly, leaving Buck wondering what the story was behind the vow, and had bustled them toward a bright yellow helicopter with an instruction to stay out of sight until Hen arrived.

It hadn’t been until they’d safely landed on the rescue ship, grabbing a much-needed warm drink after watching Bobby and Athena reunite, that Buck realized he’d introduced himself as Evan rather than by his chosen name. Tommy had stood next to him, full of jokes about how no one would fire them now that they were officially heroes, and had asked Buck if that was how life was now at the 118. He hadn’t registered at first that Tommy was talking to him as he was so used to hearing the name Evan directed at him. But strangely, he hadn’t minded in the least.

Maybe that should have been his first hint at just how much the man was about to turn Buck’s whole life around.

“I know, I just…it’s a lot of moving parts, you know?” Buck shrugs as he stuffs a clean LAFD tee into his duffle bag.

It had hurt so much seeing Tommy suffering so much. It had been three days before the vomiting had let up enough for him to be able to keep down more than a few sips of water and a handful of saltine crackers. Buck had stayed for the duration of it, calling out sick claiming a stomach flu, and turning down all offers from the 118 to stop by and check on him and find him not at home. He’d confessed the truth when he’d returned for their next block of shifts, having gotten Tommy’s permission to share the news of his diagnosis, and just as Buck had predicted everyone had been shocked but had also offered to do whatever they could to help.

Getting Tommy to accept that help from someone other than Buck, however, had been more of a battle. When Buck had taken vacation days for the second cycle Tommy had been agitated, insisting Buck didn’t need to babysit him, that he could just check on Tommy after his shift. It had been hard not to let his frustration show when he’d reminded the man how he’d had to clean up the vomit before it stained the rug, how he’d washed weeks’ worth of dishes and done multiple loads of laundry, how he’d had to help Tommy in and out of the bathtub because he hadn’t had enough energy to stand, let alone wash himself.

“I’m not judging you for it,” Buck had insisted, softening his voice when he’d spotted the embarrassment on Tommy’s face. “I can’t imagine how hard this is for you. Watching you suffer is one thing, but actually going through it? I wouldn’t cope any better. Just accept the help, Tommy. Even if you say no I’m going to be here anyway, all of us are.”

read on ao3

@911bingo

If you like please reblog!!!

[reds-skull]

Post script on BLOOD||HUNGER

OOOkay, like I said in the ask I got earlier, this post is gonna be LONG. I’ll be covering the poems at the start (and sometimes end) of each chapter, the source of inspiration for them, the timeline of the fic compared to canon, deleted scenes and maybe most importantly the true identity of the Hunter.

I’d like to say before I start rambling that I appreciate each and every one of you that commented, liked and gave kudos! It really means a lot to me, that you’re here reading my silly little stories haha.

I’m gonna start with the beginning - how I started thinking about the main plot of BLOOD||HUNGER.

So, I kept thinking about the Alone mission in mw2 (as we all do), but thinking about “what if Soap was a civilian in Las Almas when it happened?”

(This is slightly inspired by this fic by TRaena, which I read months earlier and kept thinking about its setup because it was so damn good. I highly suggest reading it!)

So originally, I imagined a whole plot where Soap is a football player, having a vacation in Las Almas when Graves suddenly attacks. Ghost is in the 141 like in canon, but he’s the one that gets shot in the shoulder. The two of them meet, and because Ghost is injured, and Soap is stranded alone in a foreign country, they decide to fight together to get out.

In that original plot, Soap continues sticking by Ghost throughout the campaign, creating distractions for Rudy and Ghost while they rescue the vaqueros, and getting kidnapped by Hassan where he gets dangled over a window in Chicago and Ghost saves him. As you can tell I thought about that version quite a bit, but I made one change that moved it in the direction of the actual story I ended up writing.

What if Soap was dishonorably discharged instead?

That trait changed his entire character, from a guy that got dropped into a war where he has no experience fighting, to someone that is bitterly familiar with it, yet he was exiled from participating. And yet it followed him.

Ghost’s character is actually inspired by who I originally thought he was, when I first saw the mw2 campaign.

See, I first watched my friend play it, and he’s been playing cod since the original mw. He built Ghost up for my like he’s this op guy (which he is), and when he said that he’s been doing guerilla warfare for years in Alone, I thought to myself ‘was this guy just running around fighting with scarp, when the British Military just… decide to pick him up and make him a soldier since he was so good at it??’

I didn’t know about any previous campaigns, and obviously not about ‘09 Ghost’s backstory. Straight up thought he was just some weirdo the SAS recruited because they went ‘why the hell not’.

Now, let’s get to the timeline differences between B||H and canon.

So, like mentioned in chapter 5, the reason Soap got dishonorably discharged was because he killed Makarov on the helo when they were exfiling with him, as seen in a mission on mw3. Soap shot him, by the way, because Price and Ghost weren’t on that mission. He didn’t respect his COs enough to not succumb to his gut reactions, so he ignored them. Because mw3 takes place in 2023 (if I remember correctly, since mw2 took place in 2022), that happened in 2019, and I specifically put it before the formation of the 141. When Soap and Gaz meet for the first time, as Ghost reveals his true identity, Soap mentions he didn’t know Gaz was in the 141, and that was the reason.

Price did want Soap on the 141, even with his track of insubordination. It was another reason he felt bad about his discharge.

I put Ghost’s capture by Roba and torture in 2009. He managed to run away and kill Roba in 2010. B||H takes place one year after Soap killed Makarov, meaning it’s 2020, so Ghost has been a mercenary for about a decade (as is mentioned in one line).

Ghost tried initially, like I wrote, to avoid fighting. He didn’t want to return to the military. After discovering his family was killed, however, he realized he has nothing. And so, he became a merc.

Which brings us to the last difference between canon and the fic (and the biggest one) - the Hunter. And to explain the Hunter, I have to first talk about the poems.

I’ll say it straight up, I have no clue what made me come up with the idea of the poems. One day, right before I was going to sleep, I shot up in bed and wrote down one poem. I put my phone down and instantly fell asleep. No idea what was rattling in my brain that night, but in the days afterwards I wrote down a few more poems, establishing the story of the Blind Man and the Beast.

Those poems I wrote in my notes app weren’t written in the same format as the ones in the fic, instead they are more… modern. I didn’t like that, I wanted them to emulate the format of a classic fairy tale or folk tale, but I didn’t really know how to write that. So I started doing research, and I decided to focus specifically on Medieval English poetry.

That is where I found the Exeter Book. And that find shaped the entirety of the fic.

Small history lesson on the Exeter, it is a codex of Middle English poems and riddles from the 10th century. Most of the poems are older than that, but the first (sometimes only) appearance of them written in text was in the 10th century.

The first poem I found a translation for and read was “The Wanderer”. The name just jumped out for me, so I chose it first.

The Wanderer is a poem that is basically a monologue of an exiled knight. His lord and companions have died in a past battle, and he now roams the land, with no goal, pondering the nature of men and war. He starts the poem as a melancholic, frankly depressed man, with pessimistic views on the world, and by the end he is referred to as the wise man, learning the values a man must keep close to his heart in order to be a good man.

Soap, as he is a sort of exiled fighter, fitted right in with that poem. Honestly, I was shocked at how much it fit. And so, he is based on that poem, the first word in the fic “often”, is the first word of “The Wanderer”.

Often, in The Wanderer, means “always”, according to the translation I was going off of. The first line of The Wanderer is “Often the solitary one”. In truth, The Wanderer is always the solitary one. The first line of the first chapter (not in the poem), is “Often was Soap told, “stop trying to be the hero, MacTavish.””. Often here, also meant to be “always”. The first line of the first poem, “Often were the stars, the only witness to me”, is in the same vein.

After reading a few poems, I moved on to the riddles. A lot of them are quite odd, some having innuendos on purpose, and some having such a weird answer I honestly have no idea how anyone found the actual solution. One riddle jumped out for me, though. It’s one I refer to as “the sword riddle”, as the answer is sword. Or at least, so it seems so, at first.

See, this riddle has possibly a different solution, but it is unfinished in the Exeter, as some pages seemed to be missing. The sword riddle starts out as follows: “I’m a wonderful thing   shaped for fighting/beautifully dressed,    dear to my master.” (sidenote: many riddles were in first person). The first half of the riddle continues similarly, as is a sword was explaining its victories in battle, and how it protracted its master. Except, the poem suddenly shifts, when the sword says:“I have often hurt another/at the hands of his friend. I am far and wide hated, /accursed among weapons.” as the riddle progresses, it becomes clear that this is not a sword talking, but a knight.

This riddle was the basis for Ghost, his struggles with his failure as a Lieutenant, and the resulting dehumanization he did to himself to distance himself from those emotions, as Ghost. The first lines of his introduction chapter, chapter 2, are inspired directly from the sword riddle: “It was an extraordinary thing - shaped for fighting, a strong, solid body, adorned with black…”

You can actually at some chapters find my direct inspiration for that chapter’s poem/s, if you look at the names. Every chapter name in B||H is taken from a poem or riddle in the Exeter, and I’ll list them here:

1 - Wræclast (Path of Exile): The Wanderer, line 6a.

2 - The Death-way: The Seafarer, one specific possible interpretation of a word in line 63, onwælweg.

3 - The Ruin: The Ruin, the poem is in reference to the church Soap and Ghost fight their way out of.

4 - Vainglory: Vainglory.

5 - Hell Rising: a line from “The Descent into Hell”, from a translation I don’t really like, but it’s the only complete one I found.

6 - Droops and Decays: The Wanderer, line 63a.

7 - Wont of Devils: The Whale, towards the end.

8 - Accursed Among Weapons: the sword riddle, line 16.

9 - The Downfall of Kinsmen: The Wanderer, line 7a.

10 - A Secret Disease: The Rhyming Poem, from a specific translation I chose.

11 - The Battle-Sick: Wulf and Eadwacer, again specific translation, this website has a weird format that might be broken, but it kinda makes the poem feel different, and I liked it. [Here's the Wiki for it]

12 - The Bearer of Gold: this one is from a fragmented riddle, one where the answer can’t be determined.

13 - The Song of Us: Wulf and Eadwacer, same translation.

14 - Famous Fate: The Wanderer, 100a. The translation notes this means “turn of events”.

15 - Where All Permanence Rests: The Wanderer, 119a, the last line in the poem.

To properly see all the little tidbits I took from each poem, I’ll have to explain each one, and probably also paste it here so you can read. I would if that hadn't taken five years to do, and I want to talk about other stuff haha. But I just wanted to list the ones I did reference.

So, now that I’ve explained how the poems are referenced in the main fic… what about the poems I wrote?

Obviously, the first poem references The Wanderer, just as the first lines in the fic do. But what is the story of the poems?

Blooede Starvatfōre-dēde, a fictional codex I made for the fic, is a book similar to the Exeter, collecting stories from the 10th century. Except, unlike the Exeter, all the poems in the book tell the story of the same characters: the Blind Man, the Beast, and the hunter (not to be confused with the Hunter, capital H, which refers to the character in the main plot). Blooede Starvatfōre-dēde, by the way, meaning “Blood Starvation” in Middle English. Or, Blood Hunger.

Blooede Starvatfōre-dēde does exist in the world of B||H, Soap, Ghost and the others are simply not familiar with it. I had a plot for the story in the poems I wrote, which is in direct parallel to the main story in the fic. In fact, some poems spoil some plot points, if you go back to read them after you finish the chapter they were in.

Like I mentioned in the ask I got today, I’m not sure how much, if anyone, really understood what’s going on with the poems. I honestly don’t know if it was clear, I never have anyone beta my writing, unfortunately. So, I’m going to explain the story told in the poems, and how it connects to the main plot.

I’ll be explaining the poems in the order they appear (not always the order of the book itself, as noted by the page numbers on each poem).

The Blind Man is a fallen knight (sidenote: the Beast never refers to the Blind Man with that name, and he usually calls him Fallen Knight), who lost his mates and Lord in battle, the same battle that took his eyesight. He roams the earth with no destination, simply mourning what he used to have.

The Beast starts out as a terror on a road leading to a village. The trader that first meets him decides to go to a different road, and the young girl is so afraid of him, she turns back. All the village people fear the Beast, for they know how it terrorized others in the past. The Beast at present, however, is mostly docile.

The Blind Man bumps into the Beast, while he walks on his road. The Blind Man apologizes, explains how he lost his sight in battle, and asks the Beast kindly to move. The Beast does, but he also asks the Blind Man (the Fallen Knight), if he could let him follow, as the Beast too doesn’t have a goal or destination. The Blind Man agrees.

The Trader sees the Blind Man walk with the Beast, and he worries about him, as he thinks the Blind Man didn’t realize he’s walking alongside a Beast. The Blind Man asks the Beast if he plans on hurting him - to which the Beast answers, if the Blind Man finds that the Beast pushes him on a path of death, he asks the Blind Man to kill him.

The Beast, at a later point, asks the Blind Man why isn’t he afraid of him. The Blind Man answers, that he doesn’t believe in monsters, he believes in mankind, to be kind, and cruel. For him, there is not such thing as monsters.

A knight, who once fought besides the Blind Man, spots him alongside the Beast, and he stops them both, threatening the Beast to leave the Blind Man alone. The Blind Man assures the knight, that the Beast is calm, it doesn’t hurt him. The knight asks, how come the blind lead the sinner, and the Blind Man replies, that when all other paths are unavailable, sometimes only the blind can truly lead.

The Blind Man asks the Beast what is his true name. The Beast answers, that Beast is the only name they know. The Blind Man insists that it is only the name the village people call him, and the Beast repeats his answers. It is then that the Blind Man decides he will name the Beast himself, with deeds this time, and not words. He is telling the Beast he can be defined by more than his past, than his looks. The Beast asks how, and the Blind Man answers, with ferocious will to mark yourself with actions yet to come.

At this junction, they meet a man called ��the hunter”, who announces that this land is infested with many Beasts, and if one wished to do good in the world, they must kill them. It is why he, the hunter, slays such creatures. He asks how could the Blind Man protect such evil, to which the Blind Man answers, that the Beast is no more different than a man than he is. The hunter accepts the answer, but comes to the conclusion that they’re both Beasts.

One day, the Blind Man asks to see the Beast’s face. The Beast answers, confused, that he thought the Blind Man was, well, blind. The Blind Man says he’s correct, but that his hands have yet to fail him. So the Beast lets the Blind Man feel his face, his hands. The Blind Man then realizes, that the Beast isn’t actually a beast, but a man like him. He tells the Beast as much, but the Beast says that perhaps the Blind Man is also a Beast, if he thinks the Beast is like him. 

The Beast asks the Blind Man how could he care for a monster like himself. The Blind Man smiles and says, how could I not?

They come across a village the Beast terrorized in the past, and the villagers come out to curse at him, telling of how the Beast took their children and ruined their crops. The villagers ask how could the Blind Man stand to not kill the Beast. The Blind Man first asks if what the villagers are saying is true, and when the beast confirms, that he was a terrible thing before anyone saw him as more than a monster, the Blind Man understands. He, too, felt like nothing more than a blind man, an injured knight, before the Beast joined his travels, and treated him as more than just his bloody past.

In the next poem, it is revealed that the Beast was once a knight himself, one that slayed friends and foes, as his masters ruled. He was cursed to be seen as a Beast by everyone that casts their eyes upon him, and that he’s damned to be starved of blood and flesh. It is here that the reason the Blind Man recognizes the Beast to be a man becomes clear - because he is blind, he doesn’t cast his eyes on the Beast.

The following poem is a riddle that its answer is “the hunter”. The hunter used to hunt for consumption, but now hunts sinners. He says, only those that know justice will know his name.

The Blind Man asks the Beast, one night right before the sun rises, what he thinks will be his fate, once he dies. The Beast replies that death comes to all equally, knowing the Blind Man’s past. The answer comforts the Blind Man, that his death will be the same death as his fellow knights, and as his companion, the Beast.

The knight returns to warn the Blind Man and the Beast, that he learned what makes someone a Beast. He tells them of knights who were tortured many years, that were labeled “Beast”. Of the young girl, that instead of cursing the Beast blocking her path, only prayed for her safety. Of a man, that fell in battle, and was abandoned by all but death, that he was also labeled “Beast”. This man is implied to be the Beast travelling with the Blind Man. The knight goes on to say that the hunter, who says he’s versed in justice, calls himself a hero. The knight disagrees, says he’s no better than any of them, and that a man like the hunter, who thinks he’s above God, must be sent to the only equalizer, to death itself.

The knight leaves his sword with the Blind Man.

The hunter approaches, and he swings towards the Blind Man, but the Beast slashes his face, blinding the hunter. The Beast tells the Blind Man, that they will fight as equals. The Blind Man, with the Beast’s aid, manages to kill the Hunter.

The village people hear of the hunter’s death, and they come out to investigate. They find the blind Man and the Beast, but now instead of a monster, they see the man that he truly is. Killing the hunter lifted the curse. The Beast, the Cursed Man, however, isn’t extremely happy, because the Blind Man has always seen him as a man, when the rest saw a monster, and that is what he cares about most.

The Blind Man asks the Cursed Man, where would he go now that he is not viewed as a Beast. The Cursed Man answers, that he has no place he belongs to, but by the Blind Man’s side. The Blind Man replies, that then they will travel together, until their death, and perhaps, if God gives them mercy, they will always be together, no matter which path they belong.

Now that I explained the story of the poems, I can start explaining how it connects to B||H.

Each main character in B||H has a direct parallel in the poems, with a few exceptions.

Soap is the Blind Man, a man who is defined by his failure. He is the first one to see the Beast for what he truly is, and consistently compares himself to the Beast. He is the one that kills the hunter.

Ghost is the Beast, later on the Cursed Man. Everyone sees a monster when they look at him, and he himself ended up convinced he is one, after years of being called a Beast. He admires the Blind Man greatly.

Price is the trader (I chose that profession because of his surname), he meets the Beast before the Blind Man. Unlike Price, the trader does not know the Beast before he became a monster.

Gaz is the Knight (because of his relation to Soap and his VA’s surname is literally knight). He threatens the Beast, thinking he means bad for the Blind Man. He also ends up being on the Blind Man and the Beast’s side, giving him his sword so he could kill the hunter.

The village people are the city people in the story. Alma actually accuses Ghost of being the reason their children are dying, just like the village people do in the poems.

Other characters like Laswell and the communicator do not have a parallel character in the poems.

And the last one… The Hunter. He is the hunter, obviously.

Except, he’s literally the hunter. The only character that is exactly the same, and I mean, the same person, is the hunter. The only one whose name is identical to the one in the poems.

And this is the plot twist I was keeping hidden in the poems all along - BLOOD||HUNGER is a fantasy story, only not from Soap or Ghost’s perspective.

There is a third story, beside the main one and the one in the poems. The story of the hunter.

The hunter, after being killed by the Blind Man, finds himself in the future. He doesn’t know how, doesn’t know where, but he knows one thing:

The Beast is alive, he walks with the Blind Man, and he must be killed.

The hunter finds them. And again, he fails.

It’s not known how many times the hunter fails. But each time he’s killed, he wakes up decades into the future, with an innate knowledge that the Beast and the Blind Man are alive, and he has to kill them.

The hunter wakes up again in 2019. He knows the Beast and the Blind Man are alive, and this time, he tries something new. He gathers an army, he hides his face, and he waits for the right moment to strike.

He thought, perhaps if someone else kills the Beast, he could be free from the curse placed upon him centuries ago, by death itself, as punishment for his hubris.

And the events that follow, are the plot of BLOOD||HUNGER. And as you know, the hunter fails yet again. He will wake up again, but Ghost and Soap will be long gone by then.

This is why the Hunter seemingly didn’t exist on paper, a year before B||H. Why he knew so much about Simon, despite the fact it shouldn’t be possible. And this is why he says to Soap what he said to the Blind Man the first time he died. Because, in the Hunter’s eyes, Soap IS the Blind Man. Soap mentions that when the Hunter’s face is uncovered, he seems familiar, and after he dies, he feels like it happened before. Because it did.

The claw marks on the Hunter’s face are the biggest clue that he is the hunter, as the hunter’s face was slashed by the Beast in the poem.

And the Blind Man’s wish, to always walk alongside the Cursed Man, is the reason both Soap and Ghost feel like they belong with each other. They’re destined to meet, no matter what form they take. Whether as enemies, friends or lovers, they will walk the same path eventually.

See, I don’t write stories like BLOOD||HUNGER usually. I write fantasy, sci-fi, supernatural stuff like every other work I posted. But this, the poems, the Hunter, are the reason I wrote BLOOD||HUNGER.

Because it’s not fully set in the real world. Still, this fic was quite a challenge for me, with no magic, enemies-to-lovers (which I never use, I don’t know why I decided to here, but that’s how it ended up), and limited characters.

A little tidbit about the city - it isn’t named on purpose, I wanted it to have more of a vague vibe that fairy tales (and the poems in the Exeter) have. I was also initially considering having the entire fic set at night, one night, but with the amount of things that happen it felt a little ridiculous. Most of it is at night, though, as Soap and Ghost sleep through days more than they do nights.

Also fun fact, the names of the civilians are all names of family members of mine, with the exception of Mihail. The name he’s based on is Mircea, and it’s a little too Romanian for my purposes, so I changed it so something more vaguely Eastern European, which is where the city is.

Now, onto the last section of the post script, the deleted scenes! (Are they really deleted if I keep them, though?)

Like with Not Alive, Nor Dead’s PS, I’ll try to give each of them context and the reason they were cut:

[Context: the entirety of the scene where Ghost gets betrayed and poisoned by the Hunter in chapter 2.]

He didn’t get a potential location for intel, so he started methodically searching all drawers and cabinets, lightly passing over surfaces to search for abnormalities. The longer he goes on finding nothing, the more an icy chill spreads through his gut.

Every cell in his body is screaming something is wrong here.

Footsteps on the lower floor catch his attention. Multiple, heavy, hurried. Ghost snarls.

The soldiers climb the stairs quickly, Ghost melting into the shadows, watching them pass by him. The soldiers are the Hunter’s, their blood-red insignia staining their black gear.

He’s being betrayed again. He needs to get out. He has to get out.

“We know you’re here, Ghost. Change of plan, we need you on another location.” The soldier communicating for the Hunter calls.

No, no, no. They’re lying. 

“Commander”, another soldier says, “he might be gone.”

The Hunter doesn’t answer, but frantically, Ghost hears the floorboards creak closer and closer to his location, until a red glove reaches out and pulls him out of the shadows.

He instantly shakes it off, “the fuck are you doing here?!” he growls. The Hunter looks to his communicator, “this target was a ruse, Ghost. We have a new one for you.”

They’re lying. They’re lying. Ghost can feel the barrels of rifles at his back, lifting slowly to strike him down. He can smell the gunpowder and the bite of metal-

Ghost glances behind him. The soldiers are busy searching the house. He nods.

It feels so wrong, but… could he be wrong? Is he just getting paranoid over nothing?

“Give me the location.” he grunts, his back constantly tingling with the weight of phantom gazes.

The soldier walks over to the balcony, pulling out a spotter scope, “your target will be in the central city, the high rise building next to the church.” the building is lit by neon lights, red and foreboding in the darkness of night.

Ghost carefully walks to the balcony, taking the scope from the soldier. He doesn’t put it up to his face, not when there are phantom breaths on his nape.

They’re waiting. They’re watching. They’re going to-

A hand wraps around his neck, roughly pulling his mask up to reveal the pale skin underneath. Ghost grabs it, pushes it away, when a sickly cold sting bites the side of his neck, followed by a disgusting chill that seeps into his bloodstream.

Poison.

Ghost shoves the soldier off, swiftly sliding a knife to his palm and slicing his neck. The man doesn’t have time to react, before Ghost drops down to avoid another attacker. The world explodes with hands reaching for him, weapons slung with purpose to strike.

Not kill. They want him alive.

He has to GET. OUT.

A hostile rushes to tackle him, and Ghost uses the momentum to grab him and jump off the balcony. Glass surrounds them both for a moment, before they all fall down.

The body beneath him crashes with a sickening crunch, and Ghost takes the pistol in his hand to swing around and shoot at his attackers. A few of them fall over the railing, and the resulting confusion is enough for Ghost to take off and run.

Ghost feels the poison corrupt his blood, physically sense the way it travels down his neck, the chill spreading to his fingertips. He mutters a few curses.

He should’ve listened to himself. Never trust anything but himself.

[Reason to cut: I didn’t want Ghost to suspect anything before the Hunter attacks, I thought it would be scarier than if he anticipated it.]

[Context: the last lines of chapter 2 (can you tell I struggled with that one lol)]

Ghost internally sighs. This whole ordeal drudges up too many old memories, things he rather would’ve stayed buried in an unmarked grave. But he just has to put up with Soap until they leave the city.

And after that? He can leave him to the wolves.

[Reason to cut: Ghost sounds here like he wants something bad to happen to Soap when he leaves him. I wanted him to just not care about what happens to him.]

[Context: the talk Ghost and Soap have in chapter 6, when Soap reveals he killed Makarov.]

The Sergeant laughs bitterly, “he was already captured. I slit his fuckin’ throat when his hands were cuffed.”

“Really?” Ghost drawls, “as if bars would’ve stopped Makarov.”

Soap bristles, “so what, yer saying I was right?”

“You were the only one with half a brain there, it seems.”

Soap is visibly stunned at that, quieting down and averting his gaze. Did he really believe that he shouldn’t have done that? Shouldn’t have killed the worst man in modern times?

Really thought those restraints were made for the betterment of humanity, rather the benefit of the powerful few?

They continue walking in silence, the only sound accompanying their steps is the bristling of crops.

[Reason to cut: didn’t like how the dialogue sounded, wanted the conversation to be longer.]

[Context: the first time Ghost called Soap “Johnny”, chapter 7.]

Soap has a feeling the nickname just slipped, and he didn’t mean to call him ‘Johnny’. His mind, as it often does, starts mulling that small detail over.

If it was a slip of the tongue, it means this wasn’t the first time Ghost thought to call him that. How long have he thought of him as “Johnny”? Does that mean, under that bleached bone, he 

[Reason to cut: didn’t like where Soap’s thoughts were going. Didn’t know what to do with them.]

[context: beginning of chapter 8, when Ghost’s real identity is revealed.]

(From the grave rises someone else, someone wrong-)

Soap takes a step back, the sound echoing through his mind and returning him to the surface-

(They know. The communicator. The Hunter.)

Johnny knows.

[Reason to cut: I liked the first line, but I wanted it to be memories of Simon’s rather than introspection of Ghost.]

[Context: start of chapter 8 again. It’s always the Ghost POV ones I struggle with huh?]

“Didn’t you,

Simon Riley?”

Ghost ceases his attempts to move. Thoughts slipping away from him, sinking down to the dark sea, drowning him.

(Don’t cry like a pansy, son. Just like your mother, you’ve always been weak-)

(You always had a bleeding heart, Riley. Time you wake up, see how the world really works-)

(The rotten flesh, the maggots borrowing into his ears, the dirt and grit between his teeth-)

(Lieutenant Riley was his most caring soldier-)

(What’s wrong, son?-)

(LT-)

(SIMON-)

Ghost feels him claw out, from the fortified casket he buried him in. Memories as his weapon, he rips through his chest, uncaring of the trails of broken bone and blood he leaves behind, splattering on the floor.

From the grave, a dead man rises. A man who always found the world too cruel, too loud, too unforgiving.

And with him, emotions Ghost long buried; Hurt, sadness, confusion. Fear.

Rage.

The knife in his sleeve slides easily to his palm, cool metal doing nothing to soothe Simon. He winds his hand back, and throws.

The blade shines almost blindingly across the room, missing Johnny by less than an inch and hitting the gleeful communicator in his eye. The man slumps over, smile melting away with the last of his life.

Simon heaves a breath, arm still forward, eyes snapping from the corpse to Johnny. 

Johnny, who turns around, shock in his bright blue eyes, mumbling, “What… the fuck… did you do?”

He can’t look at those eyes again, can’t see the betrayal cloud them over, the pain he caused, always causes, spread through him. And so Simon, the coward he is, looks away.

“What the fuck did you do?!” Johnny repeats, stomping forward to haul Simon up by his vest. “LOOK AT ME! YOU JUST KILLED OUR ONLY WAY TO THE HUNTER!”

Johnny’s hands are trembling, Simon notes, when they take hold of his face to force him to make eye contact. Simon watches Soap’s expression falter.

What do you see, he wants to ask. 

Do you see the man he was, Or the monster he became?

The clanking of the metal staircase behind them makes Soap sharply turn. Simon can’t see, doesn’t care to when Johnny is in front of him.

Tell me, he wants to scream, tell me I’m irredeemable. Tell me you hate me. Bury me, please.

I can’t be Simon again.

But Johnny ignores his silent pleas, grabbing his forgotten rifle and throwing it to Simon. With a dirty glance, he growls, “don’t think I’m lettin’ it slide. Get up, we need to fight.”

And Simon would’ve stayed in the tower, waiting death to take him for the final time, if he could stomach the idea of taking Johnny down with him. Simon, stupid, foolish Simon, wants the Sergeant to do what he couldn’t. To be better than him.

He takes the rifle, military instilled instincts helping him push up and take aim. Johnny is already ahead, fighting his way down the stairs.

The world outside is loud, gunshots and screams, bullets dinging off metal, blood dripping down to the earth below. Soap shoots them as the come up, but he’s quickly getting overrun. Simon spots a pile of crates right at the edge, where Johnny is currently taking cover.

He runs at it at full speed, shouldering it and pushing it down. Johnny curses at him, before he watches how the heavy crates clear them a path down. The soldiers groan, struggling to get up. They run down, barely avoiding the hands grasping at their feet. Below, soldiers attempt to shoot them, but they make an almost impossible target on the spiraling steps.

Simon jumps the last few, firing at the group around their truck to cover Johnny. The Sergeant shouts at him something, but he’s too focused on the enemies aiming at them.

A few bullets hit him square in the chest, knocking the breath out of Simon. 

He doesn’t get time to recover when another bullet pierces through his shoulder.

It hurts more, oddly enough, after Simon clawed his way out. Everything feels… more.

Johnny takes out the shooter, and drags Simon to the truck. Throwing him to the passenger sit, he starts up the engine and shifts it to reverse to run down a few hostiles.

“Yer not gonna die on me, are ye?” He grunts, examining the blood sluggishly flowing down his gear.

Simon opens his mouth to answer, as he sees from his peripheral a wounded soldier shakily lifting his gun to aim at Johnny.

He pulls out a knife to throw at him before Soap can even clock the danger, the soldier crumpling back down in a blink. “...Thanks.” Soap’s eyes narrow. His eyes are no less bright for it, Simon reckons.

He returns to his sit, applying pressure to his gunshot wound, “drive.”

In the silence, Simon’s mind drifts. He’s finding it harder and harder to focus on anything besides Johnny.

[Reason to cut: a few things here are the same as the final version, but I specifically didn’t like how Soap acted here, and the fight Ghost soloed.]

[Context: chapter 10, after Soap bit a guy, and Ghost lost control of his limbs because of the poison again.]

The pain doesn’t even register in Ghost’s mind anymore. Nothing does, except Johnny’s form, sure-footed as he rushes back to battle, mouth still red.

Johnny is a disaster. An omen of ruin. A harbinger of death.

Simon wants to be destroyed by him.

If only to feel that searing touch once more.

[Reason to cut: Ghost is a little too in love with Soap with the way he’s talking here. Didn’t want that yet.]

[Context: chapter 11, the very end of it, where they realize who could find the Hunter.]

Soap inhales sharply. That’s it!

“Simon.” Dark eyes look up at his urgent tone, “I know how we can get to the Hunter.”

Gone is the softness in his eyes, Ghost turns to face him fully

[Reason to cut: wanted Ghost to come to that conclusion, not Soap. Thought it would be more impactful, if Simon chooses that fate on himself.]

[context: chapter 12, when Ghost and Soap explain to Price and Gaz that the Hunter is responsible for everything that happened in the city, not Ghost.]

 “The Hunter?” the name makes Gaz falter, “who-”

Ghost cuts him off, “who do you think is in charge of this militia, Lieutenant?” he says the rank mockingly.

The Lieutenant fires back, “according to our intel, you!”

Soap shakes his head in disbelief, he and Ghost sharing a baffled look, “yer tellin’ me ye never heard of the Hunter?!”

This complicates everything. Ghost himself knew of the Hunter because of his line of work, and he was aware their existence was a closely guarded secret, but for the 141 to not even know of them…

It’s like they popped out of nowhere, a special hell designed for Ghost.

It does clear out one thing. The reason they wanted to pin the massacre of the city on him, leave him poisoned to rot until the 141 catches him. If the SAS believes they took down the militia, the Hunter would be free to do anything they wanted, under the radar.

Cut the head off the snake, it dies. Unless you cut the wrong head.

“You’re telling me”, Price starts, “that we’re after the wrong person?”

Soap sighs, “Ghost may not be a bleedin’ saint, but he’s not the leader of the fuckers shootin’ everyone out there.”

Gaz scoffs, “John, you know I’ll fucking take a bullet for you, but I won’t be able to believe that without some solid proof.”

Price joins him, “even if there is another individual… “The Hunter”, you called him?” he realigns his gun with Ghost, “we still need to take Ghost into custody.”

Soap bodily pushes Ghost behind him, again, “if you want ever want to catch the Hunter, you’ll need him! We’re not gonna-!”

[Reason to cut: Okay, I did a little mistake and completely forgot that Gaz and Price brought up the Hunter by name before, therefore they know of their existence. Had to cut a few pages because of that, as you can see…]

[Context: chapter 12, after Ghost falls because of the poison, still discussing the Hunter.]

Price holds it still, “Laswell said local police reported of a skull-masked man.”

“I haven’t seen a single police officer in the entire city.” Soap says slowly, “fuck- how did we miss that?”

“This city…” Gaz’s brows lift in shock.

Simon grunts, “the Hunter’s soldiers took over before I ever stepped foot here.”

[Reason to cut: didn’t like this explanation, didn’t feel like it made sense to me. The final version uses the informant instead, which ties in with the man Ghost kills for the Hunter in chapter 2, and I like that way better.]

[Context: chapter 13, when Soap and Gaz talk while he’s smoking.]

“John, mate. C’mon.” Kyle places a hand on his shoulder, leaning in to whisper, “tell me, what are you going to do after?”

“After what?”

“After you kill the Hunter. Are you going to leave back for Scotland, never see Ghost again, go back to your civilian life? Or…” Gaz nods towards Simon, “you’re going to stick with him?”

Oh… He didn’t even think about that. ‘After’... Soap swallows around the excitement the second option rises within him, “yer jokin’, right? I don’t- that’s not even a choice. What am I gonna do with Ghost?”

[Reason to cut: didn’t like how I phrased things here, felt like I could do it better.]

[Context: chapter 14, right before the operation to kill the Hunter begins]

It strikes him then, how much he wished they could’ve met on different circumstances. Perhaps if they knew each other before, they could’ve been more. 

Perhaps he wouldn’t feel as doomed.

[Reason to cut: just didn’t really like it, it kinda introduces new feelings that I didn’t have time to explore in the last chapter before the epilogue.]

EDIT: I FORGOT TO PUT THE POEM AAA SHIT

Page ?? of the “Blooede Starvatfōre-dēde”, parable ?:

What drives a monster from the woods, the merchant questions,

As evil often lies within the dark, feasting on sin and vice,

What drives a man from his home, the Beast replies,

As he is nothing, when his steps sound alone,

What drives a knight from his kin, the Blind man finishes,

As a vow cannot be fulfilled, when it is voiced to the dead.

[The only reason I didn't put it in is because there wasn't a good point to, sicne I wrote it when the fic was already ending]

And that’s it! Another fic done!!! I had a lot of fun, I think you can tell haha. I also feel like I improved a lot compared to Not Alive, Nor Dead, I love seeing the progress. Thank you, if you read this monster of a post script, and for reading BLOOD||HUNGER.

As a little thanks… I will probably talk about it more later, but I am planning on beginning work on Revenant AU part 2 after I finish my semester. It will involve new villains, new Revenants, new Reapers… I’m excited to be able to return to that universe again!

[raveneira]

I just don't get why Ikemoto is drawing AND writing at the same time..... Like it would've been better if Kodachi stayed and wrote the story, Or Kishimoto continues it (which btw he wants vacation lol). Kodachi/Kishi wrote the better story and they had the vision, on the other hand, Ike's writing is literally a fanfiction lol.

Btw, do you think we still have hope for KawaSara, cuz it's looking too rough now? Don't get me wrong, I still ship it, but Idk what to expect lol....

Yeah, whats worse is its not even Ikemoto's fanfiction, he's literally taking actual fanfic/fan theories and makin em canon, and you cant even say its impossible because in the interview he literally gets off track from answering a question to address complaints he was seeing online to defend himself 😭 so this man DOES look at fandom feedback, so theres no way you can say its totally a coincidence that so many fan theories became canon EXACTLY as they predicted it, theres just no way.

Once or twice you could say that it was a fluke, but this is way more times than one, and the fact that he pretty much confirmed that regardless of fans justified complaints about certain things he will ignore them because 'he likes it that way' so ppl will just have to deal with it.

Meaning having any hope of him taking any of the valid criticism to improve is gone, whatever he likes is what hes gonna do, even if it goes against what even Kishimoto himself wants/wanted because it is HIS story now and Kishimoto has no intention on intervening since hes happy spending time with his family now and isnt ready to let that time go again yet, which is understandable and I hope he takes as long a break as he wants or needs, I just hate that his legacy is being tarnished in the meantime because greedy higher ups WOULDNT let the series die and Kishimoto get a break like he asked for.

The story really did peak under Kishimoto and Kodachi's writing direction, the second the story shifted entirely in IKEMOTOS direction you saw the quality DROP and the story become a directionless convoluted inconsistent mess.

As for if I still have hope for KawaSara...to be honest I dont know anymore, the reveal that Ikemoto is 100% writing and that Kishimoto himself doesnt even know where the story is headed anymore and is just as much a reader as the rest of us, and even if he does give input, he lets Ikemoto have the final say, has gotten me unsure of what to expect anymore.

Under Kishimoto and Kodachi's writing they were pretty strongly hinting at building more on Kawaki and Sarada's relationship, his bond with team 7, to really drive home his betrayal later so that it'd have some real weight and impact from all their build up. So the potential for KawaSara was very high from what they were setting up.

But Ikemoto? yea I dunno what to expect from him, but if where the story direction changed is anything to go by [which Ikemoto confirms was all his doing and its a completely different direction than the one Kishimoto and Kodachi had planned] its safe to say hes tryna push bsa, either that or troll like a mf just to keep those viewers engaged since this manga is tanking more and more every chapter and the biggest supporters are shippers who just wanna see Boruto and Sarada get together for eugenics.

I wont say KawaSara has lost yet or that its hopeless, the ship hasnt been definitively killed off yet, theres still a possibility this is just another NS situation, teasing what the ppl want just to keep em readin till the very end where he finally says alright now for the real endgame once he no longer has anything to lose by pissing off bsa lol

Even if Im unsure about KawaSara at this point in time, Im still fairly confident in BoruSumi even tho alot of ppl have written her off just cuz she doesnt have a hug scene [NH doesnt either anywhere in the manga but NS does] or a reckless attempt at saving the other [according to KK Sarada and Boruto both would've died if not for the other shinobi arriving when they did so she didnt even save him fr so this argument is invalid]

They also downplay her feelings just because shes more reserved and rational than Sarada, which is kinda the point of opposites attracting and balancing eachother out [Minato being the quiet calm level headed one while Kushina is hot headed and loud] whereas Sarada and Boruto are both portrayed as hotheaded rebels apparently, their kinda the same person atp but thats another topic for another day.

Point is KawaSara is up in the air, but BoruSumi shouldnt be counted out yet, lack of screentime and interaction didnt mean jack shit for NaruHina, SaiIno, or ChoKarui, so lets not pretend its the ship killer for BoruSumi.

Lets also not pretend that SS didnt also go through one hell of a rough patch cuz they did, and they still became canon in the end, so again lets not pretend these things are ship killers alright because they aint, the real meat of the story hasnt happened yet, and Kawaki is supposed to be getting more development soon so lets see how that goes and who its with first and judge further from there.

[caeli0306]

another chapter 12 blurb! I actually wrote this graf like, weeks ago, bc it popped into my head and and the mental image was so funny that I saved it

===

I groan, throwing myself back against the flattened pillows on my bed that I should really get around to replacing. It's Saturday, and unless I'm called in for a mission, I have today and tomorrow to myself. After I finished training in BASGIATH, the ones of us who survived had to spent a day being lectured by staff from human resources of all things. After three years of fighting and maiming and killing, we were being told about vacation and retirement benefits. Told our weekends would be "protected" after three years of barely being able to sleep for fear of waking up with a dagger in my chest. Talk about whiplash. I have to laugh at the irony - the NIA has no problem waking me up at 4 a.m., but it really does zealously guard my weekends. I don't remember the last time I was called up on one of my off-days, unless you count times when I was already on a mission that extended into the weekends.

[lovemyromance]

Hi! 💖

I’m so sorry for my English, isn’t my first language. That makes me feel very shy about send this. *in panic*

I recently learning your post about Lucien and Vassa I’m curious about that too.

That’s is something I was questioning about the mating bond of Lucien and Elain. Supposedly the “mate” goes crazy if the other person is involved in danger.

Maybe Lucien had the option to push the mission to find Vassa aside and say "sh*t, my mate is in danger Im taking back to save her, f*ck this mission" (like the reaction from Cassian to Nesta when she was take to BR). But he continued in the same position to find Vassa.

That’s makes me think like “oh, something is going wrong in this mate bond”. The reaction of Azriel for find Elain, was very impressive because the curious question is “why him and not Lucien?” I’m really curious what feel Azriel when Elain was kidnapped and why was furious to get it back.

I can’t stop thinking about this scene. ❤️‍🔥

PD. Thank you if you responding this humble person 🧍🏻‍♀️ who loves all your post. ✨

Hiii! I have been on vacation for like two weeks now and just getting around to answering all these asks but ahhh thank you so much! Your English is great and happy to welcome you to the fandom!

I think you definitely make a great point about Lucien. I have always wondered why SJM gave such a big scene of Elain's rescue to Azriel, not her mate.

The point is Lucien was not there. SJM wrote him to be across the continent. Yes he was helping them, but that's his mate (like you pointed out)! He should absolutely be having a much bigger reaction if his mate was taken.

We know he can feel the bond. He tugged on it in ACOWAR when he was trying to figure out what was wrong with Elain.

Elain was chained up with the magic-nullifying chains. We know from ACOMAF, these chains can even silence a mating bond (as Feyre couldn't feel Rhys anymore when he was chained up). It made Feyre go into a desperate hunt to get her mate back and we know it's worse for the males.

So given this, I think we can make the assumption that Lucien had to have known when Elain was in danger. Or he had to have known something was wrong at least, when the bond between them went silent. It's not like going across the continent changes the strength of the bond or how he feels it ... it's not like cell reception 😭

Also another reminder - Lucien CAN WINNOW! Not very well lmao, but he CAN. He also knew exactly where this war was happening, where their camp was - because he literally showed up the next day!! He had the address!

Anyways, what I'm trying to prove is that Lucien likely realized Elain was in danger and he knew where the war was happening... and he still didn't go to save her.

Aka: Lucien knew his mate was in danger, had the means to go there immediately (because he knows where to go and he has a way to get there), and still didn't go save her.

And yes, we can say SJM maybe just forgot. It could just be a plot hole. It could be that simple 🤷🏻‍♀️

But then I ask: If Elain was going to be rescued and Feyre was the narrator so she had to be involved somehow - Why even involve Azriel at all?

SJM could've had only Feyre rescue Elain. It would've been more impressive and painted Feyre as a much stronger, badass character actually.

But she purposefully brought in Azriel to save Elain. Why? Why why why?

He's not her mate. He's not even her boyfriend or her friend at that point. Why did SJM bring Azriel in? Rhys could've gone with Feyre if she even needed backup?

The point is: SJM wrote Lucien to be off with Vassa and she wrote Azriel to be the one to rescue Elain. In a very romantic scene. That took up 1-3 chapters in ACOWAR.

I think that in itself is very telling.

Lucien clearly does not act like a normal male with a mating bond. Azriel has shown more mate behavior for Elain than Lucien has at this point. I genuinely think there might be something wrong with the bond that Elain & Lucien have.

It's just not presented the same way as any other mating bond that has been described to us so far in the series. It is described as uncomfortable and awkward - not the way we've seen the mating bond being described as before.

I would prefer if Elriel ended up choosing each other despite a mating bond - but there are too many signs of something being off with the Elucien bond to ignore.

[jeon-s-sins]

Forbidden 1 | The Meeting

Warning : jk!dom; reader!sub; fingering; eating pussy; sucking; spanking; degrading!names; dominant; public!sex; outdoor!sex; unprotected!sex; cumming!inside; client/waitress

Word count : 11.6k

Chapter's song : Ride - SoMo

n/a: English is not my first language, so there may be some mistakes that I missed while proofreading. Sorry for the delay in posting this first chapter, but it's been a few years since I wrote this story, and when I reread it before posting it here on Tumblr, I didn't like the result at all, so I rewrote it from scratch, which took me longer than I expected. Anyway, thanks for understanding, and I hope you enjoy this chapter, and I'll see you for the next ones. Enjoy reading it; please don't forget to vote and comment 😁.

Translations, republications, and rewritings of my stories are not allowed. Failure to comply with this request will result in legal action.

© Jeon_s_Sins

Index

Paradise Hotel Bar/Restaurant | 3:00 p.m. | YN's POV

During this summer vacation, and just like the previous ones, I worked to save money. Originally from Daegu, I am in one of Jeju Island's hugest hotels.

Paradise is one of the most popular Asian hotels for celebrities from all over the world. Actors, singers, businessmen, and even politicians stay on this heavenly island for a while. Last year, I had the great fortune and honor of taking a picture with Queen B herself. 

Beyoncé had just finished her world tour and, accompanied by her family, decided to spend a few days at the hotel. I work in the hotel's bar and restaurant as a waitress, and sometimes I have to take off my waitress apron and put on my barista apron and my bartender apron when we are short-staffed, or someone is unavailable. Beyoncé and her family were assigned to my area, and throughout the evening, I prayed to God that I wouldn't drop the tray, make a mistake with the order, or embarrass myself in front of them. 

It's crazy how people are made, or at least how society makes us act. Beyoncé is a woman like any other. The only thing distinguishing her from the other women on Earth is that she is talented, sings like a goddess, and is rich as Croesus. But the pressure I put on myself was immense. I still get sick to my stomach just thinking about it. 

But I am also lucky to be part of her world. I could even say I am on the same level as everyone in this hotel. My mom is a very famous fashion designer. Many celebrities wear my mother's clothes; some even wear clothes I designed, but no one knows, and I don't want them to know. So I hide behind my mother's name and let her take the credit. 

Contrary to what people might think, I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth. I have struggled a lot in my life. 

Before my mother became the person she is today, we were just ordinary people from Daegu, living in one of the many working-class neighborhoods in the area. Fortunately, when God created my mother, He gave her talent, determination, and strength. During those dark years of our lives, I would sometimes help my mom create pieces for her collections that, once she made a name for herself, she would show to the world after making a few minor changes. 

Looking back, it's incredible how much my life has changed these last seven years. I'm usually very private, and many colleagues don't know who my mother is. The only person who knows is Evie, another waitress I've managed to bond with. 

One day, as our first shift was ending and we were setting up tables for the next shift, taking advantage of the fact that it was just the two of us in the restaurant's large room, Evie asked me why I was working if my mother was a famous fashion designer. 

"To be honest, I don't like depending on my mom. My whole childhood, my mom raised me to depend on myself." I placed the knife on the right side of the plate and the fork on the left. "She always believed that you can't live off your creations. And if one day, for whatever reason, she would leave this world before me, I would only be able to rely on and depend on myself. So I guess if I'm working as a waitress today, that's my way of being independent". 

My independence only grew over the years after my mother's success. As she became both a stylist and a businesswoman, she was hardly ever at home, always traveling from one country to another. So I learned to make it on my own. But I don't blame her. On the contrary, if she is living her dream today, I know that the main motivation for her life change is me. 

My mother is a great woman. She is humble and has a heart on her sleeve. She has sacrificed so much for me, my education, and for me to have everything I need. Today, I fully understand her dedication to her work. This does not mean she is so focused on the work that she neglects me. Not at all, quite the opposite. 

We call each other almost every hour daily and talk a lot via messages and video calls. 

I'm also in awe of how easily she moves between her different lives. She goes from mother to businesswoman to girlfriend with ease. Also, her status will change in a short time. She will go from being a girlfriend to being a married woman. 

It has been a few years since my mother met a man, and they have a healthy relationship. Seeing her smile every time she mentions him always makes me happy. As for me, I haven't been around him much. 

My mother didn't want to impose her relationship on me. I know it's never easy for a child to see their mother - or father - in a relationship with someone other than their parent. So I saw him several times, and he seemed great. 

I know he has a son who is only a year older than me. Unlike his father, I've never seen him. But, like my mom, her boyfriend didn't want to force his new life on his son, so he had my respect. 

They have been together for six years. He has been a great help to my mom, filling her in on many things. If my mother is the powerful woman she is today, it is partly thanks to him.

Right now, they are preparing for their wedding, which will take place in a few months. This will allow me to see some of my family members and meet new ones, especially my mom's boyfriend's son.

By the way, I have very little time left here on the island. I will return to the mainland in a few days, and my landscape will change completely. I will not return to my house in Daegu but to my new home in Busan.

Given their upcoming marriage, my mother finally united the two families. She wants me to meet her future husband's son before the wedding, to bond a little, and not be strangers anymore. So in a few days, I will be on my way to one of the biggest cities in South Korea, Busan. 

To say that I'm excited about the change of scenery and my way of life would be a lie. I will leave everything behind, my friends and the places I used to go. But if turning my life upside down is the price I have to pay to give my mother some happiness after all the shit she's been through, then I'm happy to do it. Besides, what could go wrong? 

By the way, her fiancé is a CEO. I don't know what he does, but I know he has a business, so my mom got some great advice. It also means that he'll be out of town a lot, and I won't have to see him all the time if things don't go as planned, which I doubt, but you never know what tomorrow will bring. As for my relationship with his son, I don't want to bet too much on that either. I'd instead let the universe do its thing—one step at a time. 

"Hey, Park! Are you listening to me?" Just then, she snaps me out of my reverie.

"What?" Evie smiles, realizing I was lost in my thoughts. 

As moving day approaches, it becomes increasingly difficult not to think about meeting the new family member. You could say that I'm pretty anxious and fearful of how the introduction to my supposed step-brother will go. 

"I said the drinks are ready." There was a tray of drinks on the bar counter.

I hope I don't drop anything. Walking on the sand with a full tray is tricky. Even though this wasn't my first rodeo, I still managed to get caught. 

"Thanks." Evie nods and continues to set the tables while I hurry to finish the last order.

Outside, the weather is beautiful. The sky is clear with a beautiful shade, with no clouds on the horizon. The panorama is worthy of a postcard. A blue sky, no clouds, a beautiful ocean, its waves playing with the sun's rays. There are deck chairs all along the coastline - at least on the private part belonging to the hotel, with fine white sand. 

And very hot. 

Sure, the sun is beautiful, and the view is like an island paradise, but the heat of the sun and the sand is not a good mix. My feet burn with every step. I should have worn my slippers. It's very comfortable to wear shoes, but it's really uncomfortable when sand gets in your shoes. 

I was in a hurry to get the drinks to their destination, not only because of the hot sand but also because it was getting heavy. 

Fortunately, the clients are not far away. They are in a more private area of the beach. Arriving at my destination, I thanked the heavens for not dropping anything. Otherwise, I would have had to turn around, and the customers would have waited twice as long, allowing them to complain to my superiors. I wouldn't have had any troubles, but it's unpleasant.

Without putting the tray on the table, which would look bad, I put the glasses and other drinks.  

"Thank you very much." Sitting on one of the chairs watching his friends play volleyball, a very handsome young man thanked me. He was young, in his late twenties. He had an undercut, while his fringe was parted down the middle, revealing his forehead. He had a loose white top covering his torso, wore blue and white trunk shorts, and had sandals on his feet. 

"You're welcome." One thing is done. I can finally go back, finish setting my tables and take a break before resuming tonight's service. 

The evening shift is usually busier than the lunch, so I'll have three hours of a break after setting the remaining tables. 

I started walking toward the restaurant when something hard hit me in the back of the head. I lost my balance and felt myself moving forward, but I managed to regain my balance and avoid making a fool of myself in front of the customers. 

"I'm so sorry." A little stunned, I still heard the male voice speaking to me. 

I found myself face-to-face with a man in a short time. It wasn't the customer from earlier. Sure, the previous man was very handsome, but the one I'm looking at now is gorgeous. 

This one also has an undercut like the previous man, while the top part is slightly longer and darker. I could see the dark eyes despite the sunglasses on the bridge of his nose while his look was dressed by surprise and concern. The jaw is sharpened, while his face is quite childish. 

On the other hand, his body is far from childish. Who are Apollo and Adonis beside him? He should probably be arrested 'cause, for sure, he stole the thirteen' gods and goddesses' beauty. 

Initially, he has tanned skin, but I could see he has taken advantage of the sun because his skin is quite caramelized, well tanned.

He wears a blue and white shirt with some leaf designs printed on it. A few buttons are open at the top and bottom, exposing his torso and muscular stomach, showing some of his abs. Underneath, he wore white swim shorts, and I could also see his black bathing suit.  

A true masterpiece. 

How do people as beautiful as he lives free on Earth? No doubt he already has someone in his life. 

"Take a picture, honey. Will it last longer." A smile was born on his pretty lips. 

He's a charmer. He's certainly made many girls fall for him in a blink of an eye.

"I beg your pardon?" His sentence had the same effect as a cold shower, bringing me back to reality. He was undoubtedly gorgeous, but his attitude had broken the spell. 

"You're not subtle when you give me a makeover." I was so obsessed with his beauty that I didn't realize I was staring at him. 

"My apologies, sir." The last thing I wanted was to get in trouble with the customers. It would have looked bad on my record. I've been working here for a few years, so it would really piss me off to lose my seasonal job and the bonds I've built with my co-workers because of a misstep.  

I kept a low profile, trying to put some distance between us and regain my composure. 

"Don't apologize. I might take it the wrong way. I am flattered that a beautiful young woman like you would look at me that way." I get this flirtation with two bullets at least once daily from male clients who think they are desirable just because they are rich. But this is not often the case. 

Unfortunately, although his attempt at flirting was lame, I couldn't stop my heart from racing. The stranger was a handsome man. He knew it and took advantage of it. He must have charmed a lot of girls about it. But, stupid as I am - and also because of the lack of affection I felt at that moment - I was fooled by his comment. 

Don't blush, don't blush!

Without breaking the contact of our eyes, he comes closer. I could smell the scent of sunscreen on his skin. Without any embarrassment, careful to hide my body with his from the sight of his friends, the stranger caresses the exposed skin of my arm with his fingertips. 

His touch is subtle, as soft as the caress of a feather, causing my body to react to his touch, covering me with shivers from head to toe. My breath catches in my throat as his deft fingers run from my wrist to my shoulder. 

I wish I could figure out where my mind went. This is not normal, letting a stranger do what he wants, let alone allowing him to touch me almost intimately. And yet I don't move a muscle. 

What's wrong with me? 

The hotel's uniforms - at least for the waitresses and the other bistro staff - are pretty revealing. Surely to attract more customers, especially males, and make them spend more time at the bar and money on drinks. Some even make excuses to their partner to offer them a meal, with only the intention of gawking at the pretty waitresses. 

I wore a white crop top with the name of the hotel printed on the left side of my chest and black shorts. As a waitress, I take orders and serve customers, so I always wear a black apron with the hotel's name. Unlike other aprons, waitress aprons start from the waist to the middle of the thigh. 

The man leans forward when his hand reaches my shoulder, closing the distance between us. 

"Behind the rocks, in five minutes. I'll be waiting for you." Without giving me time to say anything, the stranger leaves, volleyball in hand, joining his friends.

Shocked by his boldness and confidence, I stood there for a few seconds, not really understanding what had happened. Had he just suggested - even ordered - me to join him and do what I thought? It's bold of him to believe that I would listen to him and join him. 

Five minutes later, I was behind the rocks waiting for him like the carefree idiot I am. 

This story will only serve to get me into trouble. But in my defense - even though I don't think it's valid - it's been a while since I've done anything with anyone. My last sexual relationship was three years ago when I was with my ex-boyfriend. 

He was a real asshole. I had no feelings for him, but at least I was intimate with him almost daily. Is it wrong to stay in a relationship just for the sex, even if the partner is not good at it? Very bad. But I was young and horny at the time. To err is human. 

Time passed, and the stranger was still not there. Had he stood me up? Was he laughing at me with his buddies? I didn't want to wait for him forever, especially since, unlike him, I was in my workplace. I would wait another three minutes and leave if he didn't show up by then.

As I found myself alone with my thoughts, I began to rethink the situation. We were still in a public place and in full view of everyone, sure the rocks would hide us, but we are never safe from anyone, especially if someone decides to venture behind the rocks for some reason. I can't even imagine the scandal and trouble if my superiors ever discovered that I had a case with a client. I could say goodbye to my reputation and next employment opportunity the following year.

Was I really going to risk screwing everything up just for sex? With a stranger, no less? Apparently so. 

At the moment, the temptation was stronger than reason. Luckily, it was my break before the second shift. Usually, at this time of day, I find myself with Evie sunbathing by the sea, sipping cocktails - free because we work at the bistro - while waiting for the time to resume service. 

A pair of arms encircle my waist, and I tense briefly before I learn the owner's identity. My stranger hadn't stood me up after all. 

"Good thing you told me five minutes," I said sarcastically, which made him laugh.

"Sorry, gorgeous. My friends wouldn't let me go." His mouth had quickly become acquainted with the sensitive skin of my neck. "But I'm here now. So it's not worth the trouble. Instead, let's enjoy getting to know each other better. If you know what I mean?"

His hand settles on my cheek, turning my head, gaining access to my lips. Wasting no more time than we already had, his soft pouty lips linked to mine. 

The kiss is slow and gentle before we both become consumed with desire and take things up. 

When my neck starts to hurt from the position, I turn around while his arm still wraps around my waist, holding me to him. With my chest pressed against his and our private parts finally glued together, I wrap my arms around the back of his neck to pull him even closer to me. If that were possible.

The more he gave me, the more I wanted. His hands ran eagerly over my body. The one resting on my hip began to rise, exploring under my crop top.

It wasn't long before his hand made contact with the fabric of my bikini top. Although it wasn't what he was looking for because, without wasting any time, his hand went under the material and directly touched my left breast's soft, supple skin. 

He grabbed it with his whole hand, although he didn't hold it. Despite my smallness - 1.55 m tall -I had inherited a rather generous and well-rounded breast from my mother. 

My handsome stranger, unhappy with the confinement of my top, pulled my garment over my head in frustration before abandoning it somewhere on the floor. Without hanging around, my swimsuit top follows my crop top, giving the stranger better access and a view of my naked chest. 

"Now that's more like it." The stranger's eyes sparkle with satisfaction and mischief like a child in front of a Christmas tree filled with presents. Then, in the blink of an eye, his gaze changed utterly. I was no longer facing a young man with sparkling eyes but a predator with his gaze fixed on his prey.

A dark veil of need had taken possession of his gaze, leaving me unable to react other than to feel a chill in the pit of my stomach caused by the excitement. 

He was danger, determination, and excitement. 

I was at the mercy of his carnal desires, but that wasn't enough for my lover. Seeing that I still wasn't breaking through the barrier in which I felt safe, the stranger gave me a little push. He took my hand and led it to the member in the hollow of his legs.

It was hard. When I felt the bulge over his shorts, it was as if something had clicked. Without needing his help or thinking twice, I finally listened to the little voice of the little devil sitting on my shoulder and let myself go. 

No more restrictions or limitations. He wanted to tease me, have me for a day? No problem, he would get what he wanted. I'll go with the flow and let the remorse come later. 

"Fuck." He grunts with a sigh as I take his erect member in my hand and stroke it over his swim trunks. 

From that moment on, he had no control over himself or his actions. It was as if, by grabbing his cock, I had activated a mechanism that caused him to lose all consciousness and restraint, releasing the incubus that lay dormant within him. At the same time, the succubus in me awoke, summoned by the incubus in him. 

Not finding it fair that I was slightly more exposed than he was, I removed his shirt, putting us on equal footing. But that wasn't enough. I wanted more, much more. 

My partner dominates me, setting the pace and rhythm of this frenzied dance we are engaged in. His body sticks to mine while my front is against the rigid rock torso.

His lips devoured mine with passion. He takes one of my legs, lifts it up, and presses our hips together, rubbing one against the other. 

My thoughts were obscured by the pleasure that dominated me. I was no longer aware of my surroundings. Only pleasure, and he was present in my mind. The rest was non-existent. The way he dominated me and had the upper hand in the situation made me want to submit completely to him and let him do what he wanted with me. This has never happened to me before, and to be honest, it scares me a little but turns me on at the same time. 

His fearless and naughty attitude turns me so much that even though we are just kissing, I can feel a puddle of moisture forming between my legs and seeping into my underwear. His lips move from mine to the hollow of my neck, leaving hard kisses while his hand tenderly caresses my breast. The contrast in his actions heightens my arousal.

His teeth move down, grazing my neck as his hips rub against my crotch, still pressed against his increasingly swollen bulge. I can barely breathe, and my head is already spinning.

My hand caressed his torso until it reached over his shorts again. Wasting no time playing with the hem of his shorts, I ran my hand right through the hem, finding direct access to the hot, sensitive skin of his cock, eliciting a moan from him.

I let out a moan in return when, without warning, his teeth sank into the sensitive skin of my shoulder. As my fingers caressed the swollen head of his member, he quickly unbuttoned my shorts and stripped me of the last of the clothes in his way. 

Suddenly he slid a finger inside me. "Fuck, you're already all wet for me." My wetness lubricated his finger, allowing it to sink into me and move smoothly back and forth inside me. He then takes the opportunity to insert a second finger. 

I am immediately overcome by heat, and I don't think the sun has anything to do with it this time. My legs start to shake from the pleasure this stranger gives me, burning like the fires of hell. Now that his member is free of his clothes, doing what I have in mind will be easier.

I take over - or so I think - and let us change positions. Now he finds himself wedged between the rock and my body. Surprised at first, then aroused by my actions, he doesn't protest, probably having some idea of what is about to happen.

I kiss his muscular torso, tracing a path from his neck to his sweet spot. As my lips contact his soft, smooth skin, I feel his cock quiver excitedly and slam against his stomach. His cock is so big that I wonder if I could easily take it. Let's hope so.

As soon as my hand touches his member, he grunts. I start pumping while watching him. I don't want to lose any of his reactions. His eyes close, and he leans his head back, completely lost in the pleasure I am giving him without counting. I have never seen such a stunning human being. His ebony eyes contrast perfectly with his caramel skin. His steel muscles make him even more irresistible.

His veiny forearms would drive anyone crazy. His big hands, soft and firm at the same time, would run all over my body, electrifying me. Eventually, his long fingers got lost in my hair. I moved my head to the rhythm he was giving me. A regular cadence that ensured constant pleasure.

If all went well between us and we continued our ménage after today, my goal was to make him crazy about me so that I would have a better chance of seeing him next year. I wanted him to have a good memory of me, for me to cloud his thoughts so that every time he tried to fuck another girl, he would see me instead.

Maybe it's selfish of me, but I want to pollute him. To pollute his mind with obscene and detailed images of what I would do and how I would make him feel. I want that, even if his mind forgets what I look like, his body will still recognize me among thousands. I want his skin to bear the mark of my passage and have an indelible effect on his physical memory.

When he is completely naked, his shorts and swimsuit around his ankles, I finally tease the tip of his cock with my tongue. Caught off guard by my sudden, reckless move, he gives an uncontrolled jerk of his hips. His excited member enters my mouth entirely and hits the back of my throat.

My moan of surprise causes his cock to throb and rest heavily on my tongue. "Oh yeah." He grunts as the pressure of his fingers around my hair hardens a little more. Seeing that he enjoyed it, I pull his cock out of my mouth, leaving only the glans inside before taking it all back in. 

There were moans from him. He loved it and kept asking for more. He even helped me by repeatedly thrusting his cock into my mouth, each time increasing the pace of it. 

It didn't take long for his body to tense up. Not that he had climaxed, but it would be soon. He wasn't too far from cumming, but it was too soon. I didn't want him to cum in my mouth but somewhere else. Before I could stop my movements, he tugged at my hair with his hand in it, pulling me away from his hardened member.

I barely had time to get up before he switched places again and pinned my back against the rock. Without wasting any time, he undid the button of my shorts and pulled down my panties. 

He crouched down and took my leg on his shoulder, giving him better access to my intimacy. As his tongue made contact with the burning skin of my privates, a gentle warmth washed over my body. At that moment, I lost all sense of reality and wandered into the world of pleasure.

He knew exactly what he was doing. His tongue played directly with my clit, without any shame or restraint, causing me to lose my mind. His tongue not only teased my clit, but it also went in and out of my slit.

At one point, he closed his lips on my nerve button and began to suck on it vigorously. My legs are on the verge of giving out, and at the same time, I am in danger of collapsing to the floor, so much so that the sensation of his mouth and his expert tongue gives me. The feeling is exquisite. Nothing like what I experienced with my ex.

To my dismay, the stranger stops all movement before standing in front of me again. His hands go straight to my thighs, squeezing them gently. "Jump." 

He lifts me up, and I wrap my legs around his waist as my hands find their place around his neck. I don't know when he did it. I was so lost in pleasure that I didn't know what was happening around me, but as my handsome stranger grabbed his rigid member and stroked his cock over my slit, I realized he had already put on a condom. At least one of us hadn't completely lost his mind.

He spread my wetness along his entire length and the integrity of my slit to my clit, making us moan. I couldn't wait any longer. I had to have him inside me, and it didn't matter if he only stretched me with two fingers. The excitement was such that I felt I could take him inside. Besides, the wetness from my slit was enough to make it a little easier.  

He stroked my clit once or twice before thrusting it into me once and for all. I could feel every millimeter of his cock pushing into me. The burning was not unpleasant. The sensation added to the pleasure. 

Surely to distract me from the potential pain, my partner kissed me. His tongue caressed my lower lip asking to access mine. Generous as I am, I gave him access without asking. Without wasting time, his tongue found mine and invited him into a wild dance. 

The mixture of his thrusts and tongue battling with mine was so exquisite that I could only moan as my stranger hungrily swallowed my moans.

The thrusts got harder. I was sure that in the end, it would not be me who would leave an indelible mark on the memory of my partner's body, but the opposite.

"You like it rough, don't you?" Usually, I'm not very vocal, but I couldn't hold back my moans with him. I just couldn't do it. 

"I asked you a question." His strokes got harder as his hand spanked my butt's soft, flaccid skin. 

"Yes," I say in one breath. 

The spot where the stranger slapped me burns as tingles run down my body.

"Yes, what?" My whole body shook with the pleasure that built up as he took more and more control, becoming more and more dominant. 

"I love it when you fuck me hard." A smile appears on his sinful lips and disappears as quickly as it appeared, "But most of all, I love it when you spank me at the same time you fuck me hard."  

His eyes change, becoming darker. I didn't think that was possible. His jaw clenches as his tongue pocks the inside of his cheek. 

In less than a second, I find my chest pressed against the hard surface of the rock, my ass exposed and at the mercy of my partner. My whole body shook with excitement and anticipation of what was coming. I knew exactly what he would do, so I waited patiently for him to give me what I deserved, like a good little girl. 

Bam! The first spanking had just landed on my ass. He sank hard into me, and the mixture with the heat and the tingle of the spanking was wonderful.

"Is this what you want? Is this what you like?" Unable to form sentences, I just nodded. 

Bam! Another slap, then another and another. He wasn't going easy on me, adding to the pleasure. Then his hand left the reddened skin of my butt to take care of my clit. He wrapped his muscular arm around my waist as his upper body pressed against my back while his other large hand rested on my belly. 

"Let's see if you'll like this too." He stroked my clit with his finger. A flash of pleasure traveled over the integrity of my body, causing me to lose my mind. I think the fact that someone could catch us in one of the most vulnerable moments of our existence sent adrenaline coursing through my veins.

In addition to the beautiful feeling caused by his actions, the adrenaline pushes me off the cliff of ecstasy. It doesn't matter that we are in a public place just a few feet from where I work. The pleasure is so intense that I can't help but moan loudly. 

As I cummed around his cock, he shut me up with his big hand above my mouth while I let the pleasure wash over me from the depths of my being. I felt like he had just thrown me off a cliff, and I was in free fall. A fall I wanted to last forever.

As my pussy tightened around his dick, he emptied himself into the condom, still buried deep inside me, while his hands grabbed my hips. 

Turning me back to face him once more, we tried to catch our breath. With a goofy smile, he caressed my skin and planted a few kisses on my lips, swollen from his care. 

"I didn't think you were so wild." His comment made me smile.

"I could say the same about you, sir." I returned his remark. 

After ensuring I could stand independently without collapsing, he gently set me down on the floor. When his arms were no longer around my body, he collected our clothes before handing me mine so I could hide my nakedness before pretending nothing had happened. 

Now that the fire of passion has been tamed and my desires have been satisfied, I don't know how to react. Are we going to pretend that none of this happened? Should we continue our escapades? After all, I knew nothing about the unknown men before me and only had a few days left in the hotel. 

Not wanting to show my stranger that I was touched by our coupling, I quickly put my clothes back on and pretended that this wasn't my first rodeo with a stranger. I grabbed his wrist where his watch was to check the time.

"Shit, I have to go. I have to go back to work soon." It's not good to lie, YN. I still had a two-and-a-half-hour break before my next shift, but he didn't need to know that. 

I use my phone's camera to ensure everything is in order before I go out, and before I leave, I check to ensure I haven't forgotten anything. 

What should I do? The discomfort is so palpable that the only thing I want to do right now is going back to my room and not come out. Should I tell him how good it was? Should I give him one last kiss before I leave? Should I say "see you later"? Or should I go without saying anything? 

Not knowing what to do, I follow the last suggestion. I turn my back to my stranger and am about to leave when a large hand grabs my wrist and forces me to turn around.

"Not so fast, gorgeous." He kisses me again. His hand travels down my body but comes dangerously close to my butt. I feel him slip something into my back pocket before he pulls our lips apart. 

"This is my room pass. Meet me as soon as you finish your shift." He plants a last kiss on my lips and leaves first, again leaving me alone.

"What did you get yourself into, Park YN?"

Paradise Hotel Bar/Restaurant | 1:57 am | YN's POV

I had been trying to get a customer out of the bar for over half an hour so I could close up and go to bed. Unlike him, I wouldn't have time to catch up on sleep tomorrow. 

I only have four hours of sleep left before my next shift because, in addition to making lunch and dinner, we also make breakfast, and that fat bastard is keeping me from getting any rest.

I'm so mad at this client for not getting enough sleep and being grumpy the next day that if I see him again tomorrow, there's a good chance I'll put something in his food. 

I even got scolded by my manager, who was already, when I called him to help me get the customer out. That was not all; I had to mop the floor because the son of a bitch was too drunk and ended emptied his stomach on the fucking floor.

As I mopped, I looked at the clock nailed to the wall. It was already past two in the morning. I was so tired that I was about to fall asleep on my feet. When I finished cleaning, I put the cleaning equipment back in its place, closed the bar/restaurant, and left the keys at the front desk.

When I got to my room, I didn't waste any time. I undressed and went straight to the bathroom. The warm water caresses my skin and instantly relaxes me. 

The events of the day replayed in my mind. I close my eyes and let myself be carried away by the pleasant memory. What happened earlier in the day was wrong, forbidding even, but so exciting at the same time. It's so bad, but at the same time, so correct.

I don't know what to think anymore. It's evident. On the one hand, I feel bad about having sex with a client at work. I could kiss my summer job and reputation goodbye if this got out. 

I can't help but think about the possibility of someone seeing and videotaping us. I don't know anything about my lover, and I don't know if he's a celebrity. If he is, he could be an idol, and I don't know. 

The people on this island are so used to having stars of all kinds visit them since Paradise was built that they are willing to do anything to hear about them. So making a sex tape and selling it to the highest bidder was an easy way to make money. 

Not that I was a famous person in the eyes of the world, but my mother was. It would have a massive impact on her career. And the last thing I wanted was for my mother to be hurt by my mistake. But above all, I would not bear the look of disappointment on her face. 

But on the other hand, he was so good. His gestures were so confident, so supportive, but at the same time, so smooth and comforting. You could tell he was in control; it wasn't the first time he'd done this. 

His hoarse voice was full of desire. When I heard his deep voice near my ear, it turned me on so fast, which scared me slightly. 

I needed him like I had never needed anyone before. The dominance of his movements had me on my ass. He had a significant effect on me. He managed to do what I wanted to do to him. And lo and behold, the spell was cast on the wizard.

Speaking of ass, something that had completely slipped my mind. He gave me his room pass so I could join him. Considering it's too late, he's probably sleeping or fucking someone else. And I should do the same, not fucking someone else, but sleeping. Tomorrow morning - rather this morning - it will be almost impossible for me to wake up on time. I'll be a zombie for sure.

By the way, tomorrow I must go to the reception and leave his room card. I'll say I found it by the deck chairs to avoid suspicion.

When I get out of the shower, I wear a loose T-shirt and throw myself under my blanket. I was so exhausted from the day that it didn't take long to welcome Morpheus with wild open arms while my thoughts were on my handsome stranger.

Paradise Hotel Bar/Restaurant | 10:00 pm | POV by YN

My shift had just ended. I was at the bar with Evie, drinking a Sex on the Beach, before I locked myself in my room and rested. Unfortunately, summer ends in a few weeks, and I'm going home in three days. In three days, I'll return to my new life in Busan. 

Busan. I've never been there, but I heard it's a beautiful city. It attracts millions of tourists from all over the world every year. 

"So, are you ready for the big move?" Evie was the only one who knew my family situation. 

"I wouldn't say I'm ready, but do I have a choice?" I don't have a place yet, but it wouldn't last long. 

In addition to looking for an apartment, I also had to deal with enrolling at Busan University. At the beginning of the summer break, I transferred my school records to my new university in Busan.  

My next school year will be at Dong-A University. According to my research on the Internet, I will be assigned to the last building to be constructed in 2021, the Bumin Campus. It is located in Bumin-dong, Seo-gu, Busan. In the same building, I will be with the students of law, social sciences, and many others. 

I've seen the pictures, and the campus size is pretty impressive. It has nothing to do with my little university in Daegu.

"Don't worry, everything will be fine. You know that you can call me and vent if there's any trouble. That's what friends are for." Unfortunately, I won't have the chance to have Evie by my side anymore. She's going back to Seoul tomorrow. That's why, despite my tiredness, I still enjoy her presence without renouncing it. Unlike her, I have to work tomorrow. Besides, it is my last day of work, after which I can use the remaining three days to recharge my batteries and play the tourist in my turn. 

"Change of subject. Have you seen your handsome stranger today?" The first thing I did when I came to work this morning told about my misadventure with my stranger yesterday. At first, I didn't want to tell anyone, I tried to keep information to myself for once, but after being haunted by the stranger in my thoughts all night, I couldn't help but tell Evie everything. 

Contrary to what I thought, she hadn't judged me. On the contrary, she even congratulated me. "I thought you were a tightwad because you never shared any juicy information about yourself, but I see I was wrong about you." She told me before adding, "I'm proud of you," with a pat on the shoulder.

Since day one, I saw Evie as a friend and an older sister that I never had. Just like my mother, she was my confidante, and I could talk to her about things that I couldn't speak to my mother about. 

"No, I haven't seen him. And that's a good thing. Otherwise, I wouldn't have known how to react." On the other hand, I had seen some boys who were with him the day before. Although I didn't want to admit it, too ashamed of my moment of vulnerability, I spent the day glancing back and forth, hoping to catch a glimpse of him, even if only from a distance. Not happened. 

The rest of the evening was summed up by Evie and me drinking more cocktails in honor of her departure. I wasn't drunk, and I thanked God for giving me a high tolerance for alcohol. 

At some point, Evie left me to join a pretty customer who kept looking at her from across the room. So I took the opportunity to call it a day and returned to bed, frustrated at not seeing the handsome stranger. Indeed, after he had his way with me, he must have moved on to another victim of his charm. 

I had left my empty glass on the bar and was physically preparing to leave the bar and return to my cozy nest when I felt a presence at my back. I don't have time to react when I hear an angry voice in my ear.

"Better meet me in my room in five minutes." The voice's owner disappears as quickly as they appear. 

Did I dream this? 

Last night I told myself that I had to go to the reception to leave the room card of my unknown lover, but since I woke up late due to lack of sleep, I didn't find the time to go to the reception, as what, it seems that the universe did not want that my way and that of the unknown deviate. 

I put the badge against the black box and heard the unlocking sound. I look to the right and left of the corridor to ensure no one in the hotel sees me entering a customer's room. Before standing in front of my lover's door, I quickly went to my room to change and put on a hoodie to hide my face from the surveillance cameras, thus obscuring my identity in case the security guys decide to look at the images recorded by the cameras. 

When I entered the room, I saw that the lights were off. Only the moonlight was illuminating the room. When I first entered the room, I thought I was in the wrong room because I couldn't see anyone. But as I walked further into the room, I was startled.

"Damn, you scared me." Sitting in an armchair in the darkness of the night, the stranger stood before me. Sitting in all his glory, his legs spread, his body leaned back with his arms resting on the chair's armrests. 

"I thought I told you something last night. Why didn't you come?" His voice was low, deep, and accusatory. "I was waiting for you like an idiot, alone in my bed. Eager to fuck you again." I couldn't see his eyes but knew he was watching me. I could feel his gaze on me. I felt naked in front of the stranger despite being dressed. 

"I had plans for both of us." He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his muscular thighs, his hands clasped under his chin, his gaze still unwavering. 

"We could have had a crazy night." His eyes began to grow heavy. Despite the vastness of the room and the fact that it was well-ventilated, I still felt like I was suffocating within these four walls. "We could have lost ourselves in pleasure before we found ourselves in each other's arms."

I'd never heard anything so lame, but my body ignited because it was him. Why? Nothing was exciting in what he was saying. But I had to admit that the atmosphere between us, the room's darkness, and the fact that he was upset probably had something to do with it. 

"I couldn't," I didn't have time to say anything because my lover had abruptly gotten up from the chair. His gesture, by the way, made me take a few steps back. 

"Shh. I don't want to hear anything." My back hit the hard surface of the bedroom wall. In no time, he's standing in front of me, trapped between his muscular body and the wall. "Keep your excuses to yourself, gorgeous. Tonight the only sounds I'll allow you to make are your delicious moans and my name. The rest you can keep to yourself. Do I make myself clear?"

Who am I to deny it? For a brief moment, I was almost tempted by the little devil sitting on my shoulder telling me to contradict him. But on the other hand, the little angel of pleasure told me to be a good girl and give him what he wanted. So tonight, I decided to listen to the little angel. Anyway, I'm already in trouble. No matter what I say, he would probably make me regret not coming the day before. 

Unfortunately, I didn't have time to answer him. In no time, I found myself again, my back stuck to the front of his body while my chest was stuck to the wall. He spread my legs with his before pulling down my shorts and panties.  

I was left with my ass in the air as his hand came down on the tender skin of my butt. My moan echoed around the room. 

"Shut up, babe. Let's not alert the others. It would be a shame if you couldn't go all the way because you couldn't hold back your sinful moans. Wouldn't it?" The tingling spread to the area where he has spanked. 

"Not a fucking sound." A finger found itself inside me. A moan escaped me. 

"What did I say?" His voice was as dark as the room, but I wasn't afraid. I didn't know him, yet I was confident he would do no harm. He had this aura about him that immediately inspired confidence, comfort, and safety. And that was what scared me the most. "I don't want to hear anything."

He pushed a second finger into my pussy. I moaned, but unlike the last time, this one didn't come out of my throat, barely hearable. But the second finger brought more pleasure. Damn, that feels good. 

He pressed his body closer to mine and nibbled on my earlobe. "Listen carefully, baby, because I have no intention of repeating myself." His fingers leave my slit and begin to caress my clit.

"You have been a naughty girl, and I must punish you. Yesterday I told you to come to the bedroom after you finished your shift, but you disobeyed me." He planted kisses on my neck, making me lose my mind.

"I wasn't happy." His deep, low voice argued in my ear, sending shivers down my entire body, hot with excitement. "I had to jerk off, using my memories of your pretty little pink pussy." His lips come dangerously close to my sensitive area.

"I had to search in my memories, images of what we did earlier in the day to help me get off when I could have created new ones." He found my sweet spot and licked me before biting hard and sucking.

"You forced me to imagine your soft little hands caressing my hardened cock. I had to play your fucking moans against my ear in my head." He ran his tongue over the fresh mark he had just left on my skin.

Between each sentence he said, he pushed his fingers deeper and deeper into me, making me lose my mind.

"But tonight," he stops pumping his fingers inside me. "I don't have to imagine any of this anymore because tonight," he plants a wet kiss on the hollow of my neck before his mouth moves closer to my ear. "You're the one who's going to take care of it." He removes his hand from my clothes, grabs my hair, and drags me to the bed.

I thought he would throw me on the bed, but against all odds, my handsome stranger, who has been very dominant so far - much to my delight - sits down on the mattress without taking his eyes off me. I stand at the foot of the bed before him, waiting to see what he wants. 

"Dance for me, baby." Sorry? I was expecting something else. "Take your clothes off while you dance." 

This is my first time being asked to remove my clothes, but I think it'll be enough. Every day when I'm home alone, I put on music and dance. I always have music on in the shower, cooking, or cleaning.

I can't help but think of the song��Ride by SoMo. 

Ever since I first heard it a few years ago, I thought it would be cool to fuck, foreplay, or strip to this song. The lyrics alone were suggestive and left a lot to the imagination. 

Take off those heels, lay on my bed Whisper dirty secrets while I'm pulling on your hair Poison in our veins, but we don't even care Candles dripping on your body, baby, this ain't truth or dare Everybody wonders where we run off to My body on your body, baby, sticking like some glue Naughty, let's get naughty, girl. It's only one or two The fevers fucking running. Feel the heat between us two!

Slowly controlling my movements, I moved my hips to the song's rhythm playing in my head. I slipped my hand under my shirt and placed it on my stomach, simultaneously moving my hand up the shirt before moving it over my head. 

When my top hit the ground, I touched my shoulder, caressing it and sliding the strap down my arm. My eyes never left his face. I couldn't see his eyes, but I could see his body, and I knew that everything I didn't leave him indifferent. 

His breath struggled to leave his throat. One of his hands gripped the duvet as if his life depended on it while the other stroked the growing bulge in his pants. His body was tense, and his tongue played with the inside of his cheek.

I'm gon' ride, I'm gon' ride I'm gon' ride, I'm, I'm gon' ride on you, baby On you, lady, all night, all night! I'm gonna take care of your body I'll be gentle, don't you scream It's getting hotter. Make it softer Feel your chest on top of me I'm gon' ride, I'm gon' ride I'm gon' ride, I'm, I'm gon' ride on you, baby On you, lady, all night, all night! I'm gon' make you feel that loving Getting weak all in your knees Kiss your body from the tip-top All the way down to your feet!

I didn't have my shorts and panties because of my handsome stranger. So, I didn't have much to tease him with, so I used what I had. Me. My body. Moving closer to the handsome stranger, I grabbed my breasts before putting them under his hungry eyes. 

I could see he was itching to replace my hands with his own. Big and powerful. But he couldn't. I wouldn't let him anyway. 

He wanted to play? Fine, we will. But two can play. 

He moved around on the bed, manspreading even more. Probably because his pants were too tight by now. But that was not my problem at the moment. I had a striptease to continue. 

As I kneaded my breasts, I turned my back to him, showing him my well-humped ass after hours spent at the gym. During those hours, I was proud of myself for all the suffering in the gym. 

I undulated my hips and moved them from side to side. My hands let go of my breasts to caress my body. I leaned forward, still caressing my skin, and held my ass up in front of his face, giving him an excellent view of my ass and pussy, which was already quite wet for him. 

"Fuck." Looking over my shoulder, a smile on the corner of my lips, I saw that he had removed his pants, which were already on the floor, keeping my top and bra company. His hand was taking very good care of his already swollen member.

The sun's coming up, oh You're on my side, oh I rub your thighs, oh You look in my eyes, oh And I just see the skies (see the skies) I'm so high, but I ain't smoked yet I'm just coming down from this! I'm gon' ride, I'm gon' ride I'm gon' ride, I'm, I'm gon' ride on you, baby On you, lady, all night, all night! I'm gonna take care of your body I'll be gentle, don't you scream It's getting hotter. Make it softer Feel your chest on top of me

Not happy that he has decided to pleasure himself without my permission, I run to him and unhook his hand from his cock. I sit on his lap and place my lips on his to finally taste him. His hands rest on my cheeks. The contact is electrifying.

With one hand, I hold him. With the other, I grab his hair and deepen our kiss. How could I become so addicted to a stranger's lips in such a short time? He was like a drug I was ready to overdose on.

I had only known him for one day, the second time we had met, and yet here he was, addicting me to his body, kisses, and caresses. 

But I wanted more. A lot more. What he offered wasn't enough. Frustrated by his lack of initiative, I rubbed my pussy against his naked cock. He grunts, making his chest vibrate and mine at the same time.

It feels good, but it's not what I was looking for. Breaking the kiss, I rise from his lap and grab his hand, forcing him to do the same. At this point in the evening, excitement runs through my veins. Right now, I am the epitome of lust.

I ripped off the rest of his clothes, leaving him completely naked. His already hard cock slammed against his belly, ready to be stuffed and jerked until its owner emptied himself entirely into me.

I can't stand all these dirty thoughts in my head anymore, so I push my partner onto the bed, and the next thing I know, I'm astride him, sitting on his erection.

I attacked his lips again and resumed my movements on his cock. 

"Oh, fuck. Go for it, baby." With his encouragement, I continued the movements, rubbing us together. Fuck, I've been dreaming about this all day.

All day I was haunted by the image of his body rubbing against mine.

Our moans blended into the most beautiful melody I'd ever heard as if they were meant to be played together. 

My swollen pussy, excited and quite wet, slid easily over his member. I quickened the pace of my movements, making us moan in unison. As I unleashed myself on him, I tilted my head back, consumed by pleasure. Without noticing, the tip of his cock wedged itself into the folds of my slit before landing entirely inside me.

I wasn't expecting it at all. Neither did he. As if struck by lightning, my lover came to his senses. Suddenly I was lying on the bed, while he was standing at the foot of the bed. 

What had happened? 

No sooner had I formulated my question than I felt hands grabbing my ankles before I found myself on all fours with my ass in the air. 

"Who allowed you to stick my cock in you, you naughty girl?" He brings his hand down on my ass once, twice, then three times. Again and again, until my pussy clenches in the void, begging for his cock to sink back in. My cries and moans are not lost on him as he grunts in response to them. 

"You like it when I'm hard on you, don't you?" He spanks me again. I can feel my wetness running down my thigh. "My needy slut." 

"You want me to sink into you hard, right?" I knew it was a rhetorical question. He didn't need me to answer it to tell himself he was right. So I didn't say anything. The only response he got was a whine. 

"Well, if that's what my baby wants," he steps forward, speaking in a low voice so only I can hear as if he's afraid someone might be listening. He steps away from me. "So this is what she'll get." Again he penetrates my pussy even harder.

Without giving me time to get used to his size, he continued his thrusts, increasing the speed more and more. 

Nothing made sense anymore. My mind was a mess. I couldn't see anything because I was so overwhelmed by the pleasure; the tears had taken possession of my eyes. I had to close my eyes to take in the overwhelming sensations.

I had to bury my head in the pillows to stifle my moans. I didn't want the neighboring rooms to complain about the noise and the risk that they would discover that I was being fucked by a hotel guest when I was only an employee.

My walls were clenching around his fat cock. I'm about to cum. But, he had sensed it. "Not yet, baby." He pulls out of me before turning me over. I am now facing him, my back pressed against the mattress. He grabs my ankles again and draws me closer. Closer to the edge of the bed.

He leans over, and I see his face dangerously close to my eager pussy. His warm wet tongue makes direct contact with my pussy. His tongue shamelessly plays with my clit. 

At times he changes between my clit and my slit. He plunges his tongue in several times, teasing my walls before his mouth settles on my clit and sucks it intensely. 

As I leaned back and clutched the blanket, I saw stars dancing above my head. I didn't know how much longer I could hold back the pleasure that brought me closer and closer to ultimate pleasure with each stroke of my lover's tongue. 

My moans flooded the room and echoed through the four walls. I tried to keep my cries down, but my partner wasn't much help. The coup de grâce came when he grunted against my clit. The vibrations increased my pleasure, but I managed to block the pleasure that threatened to explode. 

I'm about to come, but what should I do?

Should I give in to the pleasure and let the wave wash over me at the risk of making him even angrier? After all, it wouldn't be so bad. It would be another opportunity to be punished again. Or should I be a good girl and tell him I'm about to cum? 

No, that would be too easy. If I cum, it won't be my fault. He's the one who's too good at what he does. So it's decided: I won't tell him anything, and it's too bad if I cum and he doesn't like it.

My walls continue to contract around his tongue buried inside me while my desire threatens to explode like a nuclear bomb, irradiating my whole body. He sensed that I was about to climax because he stopped all movement.

When he stands up again, he inserts his member into mine, slowly at first, letting me feel every inch of his cock, which drives me crazy. When he reaches the bottom, he repeats the previous action ten times. After the eleventh, his movements intensify.

The slapping of our skins, moans, and bed creaking is a beautiful symphony. He was so hard on me that the headboard kept hitting the wall. I hope the room next door is empty. Otherwise, I'm screwed.

"Don't hold back anymore, baby. I'm coming, so come with me." He quickened his pace, which was the last straw. At this point, nothing could stop me from feeling what I felt. My mind was foggy. There was nothing in this world but lust.

This feeling is so unreal that I have no words to describe it.

My lover was also lost in pleasure. At the same time, as he poured into me, his grunts sounded like a sweet melody. His body had collapsed onto mine. His whole being trembled as he came to.

Though breathless, our mouths joined in a wild dance. "I have no words to describe what just happened. I moved a strand of wet hair stuck to his forehead.

"Then don't put it into words." This time I was the one who pressed our lips together. At that point, we were no longer customer/waitress. We were two strangers enjoying each other without worrying about consequences and retribution.

YN's car | 12:41 p.m. | YN's POV -Five Days Later-

I had been driving for an hour. According to the GPS, I had only 8 minutes left to reach my destination.

During those 8 minutes, I took the opportunity to look at the landscape. I identified a few things that would probably be useful to me.

Since it was hot, I opened both front windows, which created a slight breeze. I stopped at a red light and took the time to look around. The beach was beautiful. The trees surrounding the road made the scenery even more exotic.

I think I'll spend the afternoon sunbathing by the water. I'll try to get some more color. More of what I already had. 

My new life will look like this: spending time at the beach for the few days I have left before returning to school. I will enjoy the beach every chance I get, as long as the sunny days are there. I will also take advantage of the opportunity to meet new people. Go out, party. Drink like never before. Yeah, that's definitely a good plan.

The sexy stranger from the hotel left the day after his "punishment," but I could tell we enjoyed our last night together as we said goodbye. Three days after he left, I couldn't hide the fact that I was lonely. I thought I'd be able to spend more time with him and enjoy potentially hot nights, but that clearly wasn't the case.

In the absence of his presence, I resorted to my faithful companion. My vibrator, which I had taken with me. 

However, before he left, the stranger gave me his phone number and made me promise to warn him of my arrival at the hotel the following year so that we could "start again." It seems that he will be back the next year. 

Let's just pray he doesn't find a girlfriend by then. 

One thing he didn't tell me was his name. But now that I have his phone number, I could ask him later. Since he had given it to me, I had not had the opportunity to contact him. Honestly, I didn't know what to say to him. 

Should I send him a nude picture? Or should I start gently, like a civilized person? 

"You have arrived at your destination." The robotic voice of my GPS warned me.

"Holy shit. Is this where I'll live?" The building in front of me was sublime, prominent, and wealthy. The facade alone reeked of wealth. I wouldn't even be surprised if I ran into a few celebrities. This building looked to be a little over 50 stories high.

I went straight to the underground garage and looked for my assigned parking space. Before I left, my mom texted me to give me an overview of what she had told me a million times: the address, the parking space number, the floor, and finally, the apartment number.

I only took the suitcases that I had in Jeju. The rest of my stuff that was in Daegu had already been delivered. Once inside the elevator - magnificent and luxurious - I dial the code as the golden doors close.

As the elevator rises, my heart rate increases. The stress begins to overwhelm me. My hands get clammy and shaky. Yes, I was nervous about meeting my soon-to-be father-in-law, but what made me even more unsettled was meeting his son. 

I hope he's not an arrogant daddy's boy. If he is, he and I might not get along. 

When I leave the elevator, which alone reeks of wealth, I go down to my new floor and walk to the door of my new home. I ring the bell and wait a few seconds before the door opens. 

Without realizing it, I take a few steps back, dropping my bags as my mother hugs me. 

"My baby, you're finally here! How was your trip? Did you have a good trip? Wasn't there too much traffic?" Typical of my mother, bombarding me with questions without giving me time to answer. 

"Take it easy, honey. At least give her time to get home and unpack. Come on in, YN. Welcome to your new home." My mother's companion is forced to pull her off me so I can pick up my things and enter the apartment. 

I take off my shoes before following them into the living room, which is enormous. "Welcome to your new home, baby." My mom said. 

A man was sitting on the large couch in the living room, and he seemed to be obsessing over his phone screen before his father cleared his throat. I turned to face my mother's companion, who was about to speak. It would be rude of me to turn my back on him when he was about to talk to me.  

"YN, let me introduce you to your soon-to-be step-brother." He gestures with his hand in the direction of his son.

But when I turned to look at the man who had been sitting on the couch a few seconds ago and was now standing in front of me, towering over me with his great height, my eyes went wide.

This is a joke.

Next ↦

Translations, republications, and rewritings of my stories are not allowed. Failure to comply with this request will result in legal action.

© Jeon_s_Sins

[wfanfic56]

I got some boost from @coldqueenuv, so here it goes.

"Understand me"| Ghost x reader

Chapter 2

Few years have passed, by your side, Makarov did a lot of missions successfully. But now, you were on your vacation, not your will, but you had to for two and a half years.

While Makarov is working hard to protect you two, you're raising your daughter somewhere in the wildness, away from other people and away from Makarov's sight.

It's hard for you, raising a child on your own, but you know it has to be like that for few more years. She was 5 years old, you were pregnant, after two months after you came to Makarov, you told him you were pregnant. It would be a perfect new start. Well it should have been like that if HE didn't show up.

Your daughter Sonya, was trained for situations like this. You had your code "The play begins!" and she'll hide herself in a basket in the basement. They captured you after a good fight with them, but you hid her, and that's the main 'mission'.

_________________

"Where's Makarov?" –"In your ass!" Ghost couldn't take it anymore and without thinking he punched you. "WHERE IS HE?!" –"You'll never find them!!"

"Them? You mean there are more Makarovs?" -"Yeah, you're looking at one of them." silence was between TF141. They didn't expect to see you alive, then they found out that you're married to the terrorist.

Price was looking at you with sympathy, he is like a father to you, and he can just think what have you been through. With him, you spoke normally after they captured you like you never left their side. He knows why you left them, but it breaks his heart knowing you're with a person who's once your enemy.

Kyle and Soap were betrayed, they would like to hug you right now, but their inner self was against it. Once the best trio, was now looking at eachother in annoyance.

And Ghost was destroyed inside. There wasn't Simon Riley anymore. Just a monster called Ghost. He was looking at you with disgust. How could you, not Kyle, not Soap, but YOU, his closest comrade, a person he had feelings for but he didn't show it because he was afraid he would lose you, betray him. The only thing he could see in you is anger and fearless leader that's ready to sacrifice herself for the one she loves.

"I won't ask again, L/N." –"I won't repeat myself, Lieutenant."

"Okay, you two that's... Do you hear that?" Just as Price said that, the explosion happend that made you all blind for few moments. Your team came to save you from the base, together with your husband.

"Don't let them escape! She's everything we got!!" Ghost yelled at the guards, but it was too late. While they were trying to save you, Makarov made three teams for different missions: 1) team for saving you; 2) team for distraction; 3) team for picking up intel. And they didn't have a chance against Makarov's army.

After Makarov and you have left, TF141 was, together with the other teams, cleaning base from dead bodies. You could fear the frustration in the air.

"Ghost, maybe you should sit down a bit." Soap said to him when he saw him throwing things around.

"How?! Y/N is with that Russian pig that attacked our base, now you're telling me to sit down. I don't even have.....cigar..."he put his hand in his pocket and found a piece of paper –"Simon, what is it?"

"A note. This is Y/N's handwriting."

"What does it say?" Kyle asked

"I did left, I made a mistake, but now I can't come back because I need to protect my blood, my younger self, but she has to know that she doesn't share blood with Makarov. Save her, Simon, that's all I ask from you. It's too late for me... I know you'll understand what I wrote to you."

"We have to save her. Both of them." Simon rushed to take his equipment and start preparing for a new mission. –"Who is she talking about?!" Price asked

"My daughter."

[ageless-aislynn]

Hey, friends. Just wanted to say bye for now. I'm tired of fighting to no avail. If I can fix the computer eventually, then yay. But I'm tired of hours of research, hours of repair, all to seem like it worked and then something else crashes. For example, Steam/Halo has been working fine this whole time then tonight, it went absolutely nuts. Steam started updating in the middle of my Halo game. Then it wouldn't stop updating even after rebooting. Then it crashed every time I tried to load it again. I spent a LONG time reading debugging logs, tracking down key phrases and words, all to eventually come around to... Other people have had that happen but nobody seems to know why. All my drivers are updated. I've tested for program conflicts. Windows passed all of its tests. The computer hardware passed all of its tests. I'm just stumped.

Then as suddenly as this storm of blue screens (5 of them just tonight) came on, they stopped. I can launch and play Halo fine. For now.

I've had honestly had enough, so I'm going to take an offline vacation for however long I need to. I'm still writing the next chapter of "15 Minutes" but just by hand because it's too nerve-wracking to try and write on a device that suddenly BAM is dead and you never know when it's going to happen or if you managed to save what you just wrote in time.

That's another thing, I put all 7 drafts of this chapter on this computer from my backups, I started writing the 8th and went back to continue it... and the last 6 drafts are just gone. I mean, I looked everywhere. I cannot for the life of me figure out what caused them to vanish. I didn't do anything to roll the computer back that should've done that. Fortunately, I'd copied that last 8th draft into a Google doc so was able to get a new copy and didn't lose half the chapter. But now I feel so stressed writing, like... Will it be here when I get back? Will something eat it again? What ate it in the first place?

Eventually, if I can finish it, I'll transcribe it up and hopefully get to post it. I also hope to be back to enjoy the new season of Halo with y'all in Feb. That would be cool but I don't know if it's meant to be or not.

Anyway, feel free to still @ me and message if you'd like but I don't know when I'll be able to check in, so please forgive me if I seem to not respond for an unusual amount of time. I'll miss you. I miss you already. Sending you much love and well wishes. Hope to see you again before long.

[she-karev]

Planning Ahead (Jolex Season 21 Imagine)

Age Rating: 12+

Chapters: One of One

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy

Ship: Alex Karev x Jo Wilson/Jo Karev

Canon Episode: Season 21 Episode 6

AN: I didn’t like how Link was being a dick to Jo when she was clearly hormonal not to mention stressed over expecting two babies so I wrote how Alex would have handled it. Jolex will always be canon in my heart and mind and I will continue to write them how they should have been written on social media. Like and reblog below and let me know what you think.

Summary: Alex and Jo take care of Luna who has the cold. Jo suggests they do a scheduled C-section that causes Alex to argue it isn’t safe. He later tells her he can’t watch her die like Izzie and she feels guilty at that. Jo later apologizes and explains why she wanted the C-section at first, Alex comforts her and tells her they will figure this out together.

AKA: 21x06 but with Jolex instead of JoLink

Words: 3065

June 3rd, 2023

Jo sprays the disinfectant on the coffee table and wipes it with a rag while wearing rubber gloves so there’s not another sick person in the house. Luna has been sick for the past two days with a cold causing her parents to worry and take care of her around the clock. Alex took his vacation days so he can help Jo who is getting agitated as her pregnancy continues.

Ever since they found out they were carrying twins; Jo’s mind has been racing with what’s to come of her for the next 7 months. She is still debating whether to have a vaginal birth or opt for a planned C-section since this is a high-risk pregnancy.

She wanted to deliver naturally but since finding out she’s delivering two babies Jo is becoming more inclined to a surgical option that leaves her and her babies less vulnerable to preeclampsia and cord entanglement. Jo only hopes Alex can support her decision for a planned C-section once she lays out the facts she knows as an OB.

“Okay Luna’s temp is still at 100.” Alex tells Jo as he comes downstairs exhausted from taking care of their sick daughter, “Symptoms still haven’t changed so we can rule out RSV and all the other scary illnesses.”

“It’s just an average cold.” Jo says in relief wiping down another table.

“It’s not average to her or to us.” Alex sits on the couch with a groan, “I gave her Pedialyte and she’s keeping it down so that’s something. I’m hoping it gives me at least 20 seconds of rest, God I am glad I saved up so many vacation days.”

“I imagined our vacation days at Disney Land on that Dumbo ride or those moving teacups.” Jo tells her husband who is closing his eyes, “Of course with three kids we’ll be lucky to fit in that tiny cup without cracking it.”

“And I was a big kid so it’s probably gonna be a given for at least one of the twins.” Alex chuckles lightly, still lying on the couch with closed eyes, “Don’t worry once Luna is okay and those twins are out of your uterus, we are gonna get tickets to Disney Land. Do you think they have a section for adults to drink and unwind while their kids are in magical heaven?”

Jo stops cleaning and sits on the couch next to Alex with an imploring look, “Actually that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. Not about Disney Land, but about the birth. I think we need to make a plan.”

“We have at least six months until the big day, right now I just want to rest so I can help take care of the child we already have.” Alex yawns, “We’ll make a plan and look into birthing classes or Lamaze or whatever is supposed to help keep us calm while you’re screaming and pushing.”

“That is actually what I wanted to talk to you about.” Jo says before getting to the point, “I think we should talk to Carina about doing a scheduled C-section.”

Alex opens his eyes at that and looks at Jo surprised who explains, “This is a high-risk pregnancy, we both know that better than most. There’s a high chance of preterm labor and by then the organs aren’t fully developed. At least with a C-section at 36 weeks there is a NICU team ready and a neonatal surgeon if anything goes wrong. Not to mention I’m less at risk for hemorrhaging than if I delivered naturally.”

“But you’re at a higher risk for free fluid in the belly and getting an emergency surgery that could have been avoided if we opted for a vaginal birth.” Alex argues already against this plan to Jo’s annoyance, “Not to mention a risk of infection for both you and the babies and fetal trauma and blood clots and limited mobility after for you that is gonna be hard to do when you have three kids at home. You’re an OB you should know all of this and this shouldn’t be an option for you and the babies at all.”

“There are risks for natural birth too I know that as well due to my job.” Jo argues back with Alex rubbing his eyes at this hurdle, “I know hemorrhaging is just as likely to happen after giving birth and the time it takes to prep me for surgery won’t be needed if I’m already in an OR with surgeons to operate. Also, the baby’s cord getting tangled is likely as well putting one or both of them at risk. And the placenta could rupture risking me and the babies. I am trying to plan ahead before we go in with no contingencies and no surgeons around if anything goes wrong.”

Alex tries to get Jo to come to her senses once again, “Jo you know that a C-section is a major surgery. It’s a surgery that should only be planned if the benefits outweigh the risks and they don’t so far. Your ultrasound showed two strong and growing babies, your placenta is perfectly intact and your healthy with no underlying conditions. There is no factor here that calls for a C-section.”

“I’m healthy but I’m not exactly young enough to have a safe natural birth.” Alex scoffs at Jo’s statement, “Do you know what is considered a geriatric pregnancy? 35 years old, as much as I hate to admit it, I am no spring chicken. I’m at a higher risk for complications that come with giving birth.”

Alex inhales deeply to keep calm, “Okay look honey I know that you’re scared of what is gonna happen but right now I think you’re letting your fear cloud your medical judgement. This is something that needs to be made by a sound OB who can tell us if this is necessary or not. Right now, you’re not an OB you are an expecting mother of twins who has been up for the past two days taking care of our sick daughter. Let’s take this to Carina once Luna is okay and we rest, okay?”

Jo is adamant in her decision however shaking her head, “I’m not making a hasty decision here Alex I am planning for the future and making sure both of our babies live to see it. Ultimately, it’s my decision and you and Carina will have to respect it.”

“Excuse me?” Alex asks offended, “This is not just your decision, these are not just your babies they’re ours and my opinion matters here too. And my opinion is that you are not having a C-section, I won’t allow it unless it’s absolutely necessary.”

Jo looks stunned by this barbaric side of Alex, “You won’t allow me to exercise my own medical decisions? Despite Roe v Wade being overturned this isn’t Gilead from The Handmaids Tale, this is my decision too.”

“A decision that you are not making clearly.” Alex argues trying to keep calm in this tense standoff, “A decision that could kill you or one of the babies or both of them or all of you. I am not trying to bully you I am trying to think for all of us after you dropped this bomb out of nowhere. I am trying to protect our family from something that could have been avoided if we both made sound decisions.”

Jo sighs at this ready to argue back when they hear Luna upstairs crying calling out for dada. Alex immediately stands up rubbing his face tired from taking care of Luna and from this argument that is making him close to bashing his head against the wall.

“I got her, I…I gotta calm down and think before I say something I am gonna regret.” Alex goes upstairs leaving Jo on the couch groaning at this argument that is leading nowhere.

Later

Alex comes downstairs to find Jo still in the living room folding laundry tensely. He is also tense from the argument that is playing every worst-case scenario that has to do with Jo requesting a C-section. He imagined her after the surgery bleeding internally and leaving him to raise their kids on his own. He imagined one of the babies being accidentally cut with a scalpel and losing one of them. He imagined all three of them hemorrhaging and he would lose all of them.

Alex keeps his face calm from these dark thoughts as he sits on the couch next to Jo who is still folding the laundry. He thinks of how to tread carefully through this landmine not wanting to ensue an argument that could wake up Luna.

“She’s sleeping.” Alex informs Jo in a low voice, “The Pedialyte seems to be working, and she hasn’t vomited all night, so I think we’re nearing the end here.”

“That’s good.” Jo says as she folds Luna’s blanket before sighing as she sets the blanket down in the basket, “Childbirth is unpredictable, I know it, I’ve seen it its why new protocols were implanted to begin with. I know the risks of both a C-section and a natural birth and I feel like if I choose the first these babies have a stronger chance of making through the delivery safely and a stronger chance of coming home with us.”

“And what about you?” Alex asks imploring instead of pressing, “This C-section affects you too, it mainly affects you, you’re the one whose gonna be on the table. Forget being able to move around or breastfeed, a C-section increases your chances of hemorrhaging and bleeding out. At least with a natural birth you’ll have a faster recovery time and Carina DeLuca is an excellent OB. She won’t miss any steps or ignore you if you tell her you’re in pain. I-I am trying to understand why you are so insistent on a surgery that has higher complications.”

“Because I am trying to plan ahead like my mother should have when she was pregnant with me.” Jo snaps clearly agitated to Alex’s surprise that this goes back to her birth mom, “She didn’t plan, she didn’t go to doctor’s appointments, she didn’t even tell anyone that she was pregnant. She just ignored it until it was too late, and I know she had trauma, and the pregnancy warped her thinking but then I think what if there was a complication with me that she could have resolved if she made plans. What if I had died because she didn’t go to anyone for help? I am doing what she couldn’t. I am thinking about these babies and what could happen in that delivery room. I don’t care what happens to me, I care about what happens to these babies unlike my mother who never cared about what would happen to me.”

Jo goes back to folding the laundry with Alex left silent at this confession. He thought this was just from the surge of hormones going through her body but it’s more than that. It’s from being reminded of her mother not being able to acknowledge her pregnancy that ultimately led to Jo being left at a fire station and into foster care. It’s from Jo fearing that she will react the same way her mother did and hurt these babies as a result.

Alex thinks for a moment on what to say to ensure his wife sees reason before starting, “I was in the room when Izzie coded.”

Jo stops folding the laundry at this mention of his ex-wife but stays quiet to let him finish, “She just had surgery and was trying to regain her memory. It was hard and it was hell that the woman I loved didn’t recognize me, but I stayed, and I reminded her who I was. And when she finally remembered who I was her heart stopped, and she died in my arms.”

Jo looks at Alex in sympathy knowing how difficult that must have been for him, “She signed a DNR, I screamed at Webber and the others to revive her, and they did. They brought her back after the cancer almost killed her. I was stuck in that moment for years, feeling her slipping away in my arms, not being able to do anything, feeling like I lost the most important person in my life then.”

Alex looks at Jo with a pained expression, “I can’t do that again, I can’t have you die in my arms and leave our kids without their mom. I can’t let that happen when I can stop it. I can’t lose you or our kids, I won’t survive, that is gonna be the thing that breaks me so please don’t let your mother’s mistakes make you make a decision that could upend all of our lives, please.”

Jo is left stunned at this confession that makes her feel guilty for making her husband go back to a time when he thought he was gonna lose everything. It makes her feel terrible for willing to risk her own life and her children because of something her mother did when she was pregnant and traumatized. It makes her feel like she is bringing unnecessary pain to her family when they have had enough pain to push through.

A shrill cry upstairs calls their attention with Jo standing up knowing Alex needs space again, “I’ll get her. I…I’m sorry.”

Jo leaves Alex in the living room to tend to their child with both feeling raw as this night keeps on giving.

The Next Morning

Jo and Alex lay in bed feeling tired from taking care of Luna all night who finally went to sleep with a normal fever. The expecting parents have been busy taking care of their child and silently agreed to leave the conversation for after. Now that it’s after Jo decides to start.

“I know I sprung you with the C-section out of nowhere and I should have known it was gonna be a bigger conversation between us.” Jo lies on her side curling up against a pillow facing Alex who turns his tired head towards his wife, “I am not thinking clearly your right about that, and I am ignoring the fact that your in this with me too. I’m so sorry, I feel like my mind is somewhere else half the time and it makes me crazy.”

“You have a good excuse.” Alex reminds her, “Two excuses. I might not be as exposed as you are, but I know hormones are a beast that can cloud a genius’s thinking. So double that I wouldn’t be surprised if you went to work with no pants on.”

Jo chuckles at that before looking at Alex with a solemn grin, “I know it’s gonna be hard for us in the beginning and the middle, but I really want that big family I never had. I want it with you, and I want to be around to see it and live it. I just…I’m so worried that I’m gonna mess it up before we even have these babies. I’m worried that I am gonna repeat my mother’s mistakes. But instead, I am playing games with my own health and my babies as well by letting my fear win. I don’t know why.”

Alex lies on his side to face Jo fully, “You are a resident working crazy hours raising a deaf child with your husband all the while carrying two babies in your womb. And…with your history of depression it would be shocking if this pregnancy wasn’t stirring up feelings about your mother who abandoned you. I mean you told me that you didn’t want biological kids because you were worried you would react like your mother did when she was pregnant. Now your pregnant and that fear is clouding your hormone riddled brain.”

“I think your right.” Jo sighs at this, “I think I am feeling a little bit how I felt when I was depressed. I’m happy to have these babies with you and I was shocked, but I want to continue this pregnancy. I just feel so out of control like my mother was and that scares me because I don’t want to be like her at all. I want to be the mother she never was and give these kids the childhood she couldn’t give me.”

Alex rubs her arms in comfort, “You already are. I mean you were Luna’s rock when she was in the NICU, you raised her while you were working to bring life into this world, you took her deaf diagnosis with stride, and you are learning sign language for her. All of those things are not something your mom would do, it’s something you would do because you are the best mother our kids could have. It’s just the issues with your mother you need to work through again and you will because you are stronger than you give yourself credit for.”

Jo looks at Alex grateful for having him here, “I know that I do. I’m gonna talk to my therapist about this and see what she recommends. Because I love you and our somewhat chaotic family so much and I don’t want that darkness to take it away from me. I’m gonna fight for our family and I’m gonna protect these babies, starting with not getting a scheduled C-section. I don’t want to risk my babies or myself and I don’t want to put you through that pain if I can help it. The screaming and the pain will be worth it once these babies are in our arms safe and sound.”

“Thank you.” Alex grins at this decision, “I love you.”

“I love you.” Jo leans forward to kiss Alex who kisses her back passionately for a few moments before she pulls back to yawn, “I’m sorry.”

Alex chuckles sharing the feeling as well, “It’s okay trust me, at this moment I think I love sleep more than you.”

“Same. Let’s do that.” Jo states before curling up against Alex’s chest as he lies down ready to welcome the sweet lull of sleep they have been deprived of for the past two days, “Good night.”

“Night.” Alex wraps his arms around Jo holding her against him as they sleep in each other’s arm content and blissful after the night they had.

[marinacourage]

unpopular opinion but i want Way to get shot while saving Babe but not die and then episode ending with Pete sitting beside Way in hospital. Man is redeemed for everything he did to babe. ( I think it won't make much sense for him to fall for Pete so fast when few days ago he was still pining for his 10 year crush. I want him to take some time. )

And season 2 , I want him to go real apeshit.

Like the way all these hate posts about him make him sound 1000 times worse than he actually is.😑 I mean I fully agree he's has done some very creepy bad villainous deeds lying, manipulating but man Tony, the actual child trafficker doesn't receive 10 % of hate of what Way recieves.😒It's sad and unfortunate but jail doesn't exist for lying and manipulation but child trafficking is serious punishable offence. I have no idea of omegaverse constitution but since Babe have super senses and haven't failed dope test of car racing, so I guess using senses for manipulation also doesn't land you in jail there. ( not my fault, talk to omegaverse lawmakers 🤷‍♀️).

But like people wishing death ending for him, judging him irredeemable, making him sound like some heinous horrible psychopathic serial killer or serial sexual crime offender. 🙃As far I remember even Vegas haven't received this amount of hate when in front of him, Way is a very tame villain. Way does deserve hate but not this much amount of biased hate. 🙂

With the kind of powers Way possess, the world could be in his control. But He manipulated his friend to come to him whenever there's a problem and kept him from having relationship ( even without Way manipulation babe couldn't be in healthy lovely relationship before Charlie because "SMELL"🤢) . I agree Way is definitely very bad person here but I mean he could have been worse. Though that definitely doesn't make him good person, there's a difference, it gives him chance of redeeming himself.

But no, since no one cares, fuck therapy and good guy image. In season 2 , Babe is out of his life ( vacationing somewhere with Charlie and kids) and Way has saved him from death once so their chapter close. Since he experienced almost death once so now it's like a new birth, new life for him, where he's seriously considering his life choices. When he looks in mirror and realises people should go to war for this face.😳 ( yes i read your previous post ) And so this time he should fully unleash his inner mean bitch, go fully unhinged while falling obsessively, possesively for Pete, where he gives no single fucks about anyone except Pete, no babe, no alan, no one else. Just Pete.

Man has been sad and cried enough for 10 yrs. Enough he has kept things in his mind and smiled fake. Now Way doesn't care about etiquettes and keeping faces but spit mean true facts straight on people faces. 😈With the powers he have everyone should be scared of him. Like I want Way to Show them how crazy in love he can be and how far he can cross the lines when he so so deeply falls for someone and that person accepts him. What it actually means when he abuses his powers fully on others with sole reason to keep them away from Pete. What it actually means when he is really possesive and obsessed and how he actually gaslit, gatekeep, girlboss. Him getting on the nerves of every single person and they could do nothing.

I'm not Way apologist, neither I have suffered second lead syndrome from him in beginning. AlanJeff are my bias but I truly enjoy Way character too. But some of the hate posts really annoys me. I don't know what he deserves or not deserves for what he did to Babe, but i really want to see him go crazy batshit for once and fully unleash his inner lunatic bitch in love potential.😌

you almost quoted me with the “getting shot by saving babe waking up in hospital with pete by his side” since that’s exactly how I see their finale and I wrote it yesterday as an answer to a post here on tumbler 😅

honestly I don’t see too much hate towards way, maybe because I’m not looking 😅 i want to believe that many people see where his obsession is coming from, the manipulator manipulated into some pathetic deeds by a more powerful force. what pushed me to empathise with him were his words that went something like “I hoped that if I do what Tony says it will be over” because I can see how a person would be so out of their mind because of constant pressure that they’ll do even violent and disgusting things if it would make it easier on them. I might be wrong of course, I might see the situation wrongly too, but those are my thoughts so far.

i actually don’t believe that way is inherently evil. for me he’s a mean girl that needs a person who will like him and love him for who he is, and not despite who he is. as of now he’s never been fully honest with anybody but pete so even if someone liked him they liked the illusion of him and not the broken sad obsessed failure of a man with gorgeous eyes he is.

I’m almost sure there will be no season 2 but in my mind way will leave racing and lean more into the customer service in the car dealership he works at if I remember correctly. use his talents in a less evil manner let’s say 😅 and ofc pete will be slowly breaking him out of his shell and prove to him that he can be loved in a very sincere way, and Pete’s love must be strong as hell. they are 100% gonna be that one couple that exists in their own world even surrounded by other people.

as for possessiveness I actually believe it would take way lots of time to realise he has the right claim pete in any way, I have a hc that when way finds out that kenta was/is in love with pete he will withdraw severely because he wouldn’t dare to compete, he’s not worthy, same old.

but when in established relationship way would certainly recover his bad bitch persona and be the legendary trophy wife pete deserves.

wow that was a long ass reply 😅 i wonder if you’re the same anon as the previous ask :)

anyways, very interesting discussion, holding out for Friday now ✊

[netherfeildren]

hello vic, it’s vatican garden anon again back from my european vacation…. i’ve been trying to figure out how to put this in words and will probably come up short on what i want to express BUT lemme give it a go.

i know when you replied to my initial ask you said “take that back” in regards to me saying your words matched the artwork i was viewing but no girl, i stand by that statement wholeheartedly. a couple days after being in the vatican i visited the borghese gallery and got the chance to see bernini’s rape of proserpina, a piece i have been wanting to see irl for about 10 years and was finally able to do so. and though it’s beauty and magnificence struck me like a dagger to the chest i couldn’t stop remembering your words in TCC when din is chasing reader and finally catches her. i couldn’t stop seeing them in the stone. the way you are able to help create distinct images in your readers’ minds rivals that of published authors. i’ve read so many books and fanfic through the years and none of it has stuck with me in such a deep way like your pieces do. like dude, i’m out here looking at sculptures and paintings and what comes to mind is something you wrote and i read weeks ago.

i don’t know much about anything but i do know your writing matches thousand year old masterpieces AND that i will be here tooting your horn whenever you post new pieces. you are a gift to this community and i hope you continue being unhinged as hell here and on twitter cause man do you give me some laughs with the stuff you post over on that hellhole.

ps PINK — fantastic magnificent jaw dropping panty soaking piece of writing there. i don’t know how you came up with that idea but girl am i GLAD you did. the daddy kink the slight breeding kink the fucking your ex-husband’s DAD, my god. you ticked a good chunk off my list. i can’t wait to see how you bring it all together in the last chapter.

hugs and kisses,

vatican garden non 🫶🏽

hello, my friend. apologies for sitting on this for a few days, but you’ve truly left me speechless this time. a mere thank you seems entirely ineffectual and redundant so i’m only going to say it once and not go on and on and that’s it. thank you truly from the bottom of my heart so much. your words and your kindness mean everything to me because to be honest my writing means everything to me and for you to share the way you feel about my work with me… there are no words. i really truly appreciate you so much.

i love the borghese, one of my favorite museums in the whole world. i feel like the focus is always on proserpina’s face, so tragic, unbelieving, etc. but pluto’s expression is what i always remember the most, that evil smirk like he knows he’s caught is prize and is so triumphant in it. i have a lot of bernini saved in the tcc pinterest board so it seems as if i’ve somewhat captured the atmosphere i was going for.

i hope you had an amazing time on your trip and i’m so glad to hear you’ve finally gotten to see the sculpture. i hope it was all you’d imagined and more. and please, let’s not draw attention to my very personal private internet diary where i act completely normal and sane and not at all unhinged.

one million hugs and kisses in return :)

[tsukidrama]

hi!

i came across your blog the other day and i wanted to tell you that you have a really incredible writing gift. your cottagecore has me hooked and i can't wait to find out what comes next.

would you be ok sharing any ideas you might have?

- 🪻

oh? interest in TRNT and a new anon? yes please! 🥺 i would be happy to share some ideas

y'know, i actually have almost the entire fic planned out. i haven't intentionally abandoned the story... about once or twice a month the document gets opened and i'll write a few paragraphs, though i know that's not much. i feel like i've been going through something weird for the past year or so. i don't really know how to explain it properly. i haven't written a damn thing in so long.

between low engagement, me being sick all the time, and life being stressful (mostly this), this fic just hasn't come together the way i hoped it would. The Road Not Taken is still massively important to me and somewhat of a personal magnum opus so, i'll finish it... but i do not know when.

ideas below. i wrote more than i thought, and it's gotten me really excited about the fic again! please let me know if there's anything specific you'd like me to go into detail about

alright firstly:

the next big thing is what i've been calling the intervention arc. obviously we have to address some of the heavier emotional issues that both Annie and the reader have. nothing can move forward until our main characters are communicating again! both with each other and with their support system.

vacation arc! i want to write more about what's left of the world post-Rumbling on a global scale. i also need a reason to get them away from the cottage for a decent chunk of time so i thought i'd have them explore a bit.

there will be a subplot about the cats who live around the cottage, just for funsies. i have a chapter title planned for it and everything lmao

there will be a pretty major division amongst the eldians later on about some of them wanting to go back and live on Paradis. to be completely honest, i haven't decided how i want that to resolve and who, if anyone, is going to leave. but we have definitely not heard the last about Paradis. some assorted thoughts elaborating on that, and how the ending could potentially play out either way:

i don't know i should give EVERYONE a happy ending or not. my initial plan was to write what i think the characters would actually do in this post-Rumbling scenario i've imagined (let's call this Ending 1), but over time i've started to change my mind and be like: i'm not the mangaka and that ain't my job, so i should write my story the way i want. aka FUCK isayama, everybody gets a steven universe-esque happy ending (we'll call this one Ending 2) even though it might not be totally consistent with the way characters are written in aot.

i'd love to hear people's opinions about either ending btw

the largest difference that giving everyone a happy ending would have, is whether or not i decide to include Historia. i really adore her and in theory i want to give her a better ending considering how tragic she is, but where she's left in the end of the manga puts her in direct opposition with the narrative and the "not my monkeys, not my circus" attitude that the narrator feels so strongly about 😖 it would make me too sad to include Hisu at all if she's on the wrong side of things.

I want everyone to move away from all the politicking. they really don't have any business doing all o' that in my opinion... they're all early 20s AND child soldiers so like. please rest guys, you can be done with the whole saving the world thing...

after all, the idea of stepping away from the alliance and NOT continuing to involve themselves in global affairs IS the metaphorical road not taken

i do know how i want the fic to end in terms of Annie and reader, and it will be good. i don't wanna oversell it or hype it too much and then have it be underwhelming... but i'm hoping that their love story plays out in a way that people will call beautiful.

if i decide to go with Ending 1 then it will very much be a bittersweet narrative about how people naturally grow apart over time but everywhere you look there will be new sources of happiness and fulfillment etc.

Ending 2 would be much more idealistic. probably a bit unrealistic but it will give the characters ending that would make them happy and make us happy. true fix it fic style.

i think either would be cathartic for me to write in different ways so i really don't know where i want this to go yet. probably gonna wing it and see what feels right chapter by chapter.

I JUST HAVE TO ACTUALLY FUCKING WRITE IT

anyway like i said above the cut, i wrote a lot more than i thought i would. i got really into it pls send me more asks 🥺 it will light a fire under my ass and i'll finally finish chapter 10

[indigosunsetao3]

A Reason To Try

Current writing process:

I started the first chapter Friday after work My husband asked why don’t I give myself a little vacation? “Since, you know, you just finished one story that took four months.” No. There is no writing vacation, sir. My brain will eat me alive if I do not write this out.

Decided to watch a few disaster movies. (Gif above is from one of the ones I chose) A nice background ambiance for writing this story to. I did alot of “emotional writing” music playlists while writing Gaz’s, and rock music/military dramas for Soap’s.

Mmm, maybe a zombie movie right before bed wasn’t the best idea. I love zombies but fuck they plague my dreams. No restful sleep Friday night. Gotta find a new ambiance for writing.

Lots of Google searches. Maps (so many maps). Shipping ports. CDC job titles. Flight lengths. Public school transportation in a major city. Average snowfall in -blank city-. Military scarf name. Jungle wildlife in -blank country-. Timezones. Commune living in the US. Temp work from home jobs. There’s more, this is just what I remember off the top of my head.

Wrote up 3k yesterday…and in my reread this morning decided a chunk of it doesn’t fit. It needs to either be a ‘memory’ that we flashback to later orrrrr reworked. So gotta save that for later and fill back in the blank space I created.

Easter plans with family today so I won’t get to write as much. So I’ll just be climbing the walls in my brain until I get back to my laptop. Weekends are my “writing spree” times and when I lose a day it throws me off.

Angry Alex 🥵. That’s it, that’s the tweet.