#I wrote more in the tags than the actual post jfc

[watchingyoufromthestars]

I thought it would be cool if the computers in tmagp are completely unable to run spider solitaire, but after some research I’ve found it wasn’t introduced until Windows ME. There goes that headcanon, oh well.

[blooming-violets]

Shit I forgot to put this in my rb but I wanted to ask what do you think would happen to reader if Peter actually went through with it? I'd like to be a but optimistic and say she surely but slowly recovers from it all but I'm not so sure. How would Aunt May react to that? Becoming a widow then a grieving mother in the span of a few years? Sorry I don't mean to be pushy but like I said I loved the way you beautifully crafted this story from an ask

Trigger Warnings!!!!: it's all about suicide and talking about it and discussing it, it is not something everyone feels comfortable reading or conversing about so please don't continue if it is too upsetting for you, Peter Parker kills himself and I write about it, Gwen's death ptsd is explored and he sees her as a rotting corpse version of herself who talks to him before he dies, the grief of losing someone you love to suicide is also talked about, it's all depressing but if you love depressing angst shit then come on over and join in (not join in on the killing yourself part jfc I mean joining in on the talking about this story) READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION only you know what you are capable of handling when you read. I can't help you any further than explaining the warnings.

Previous posts where this is all discussed:

[first part] [second part] and I rewrite this drabble from two years ago to fit this story but you can read the original here if you feel like it (it ends with less death that this one).

One of my darker, more angsty headcanons is that Peter kills himself by throwing himself off the same clock tower Gwen died in. It takes a few years for it to get rebuilt back to it's former glory. Peter patiently waits those years until it's finally finished. Almost a quiet, stoic sort of patience. A little scary with how composed he is. Like not given any indication of his plans. He wears a beautifully composed mask until the day it happens because he is so sure in his plans and doesn't want a single person to sway him from them. He's stubborn and set in his ways and this is what he feels he needs to do. This headcanon doesn't exactly fit into the story I wrote as that version of Peter is much more unhinged in his actions, and I don't think clocktower Peter could ever let himself get into a relationship because he's too obsessed with Gwen still and knows he's going to die so he's not going to bring anyone else into that mess, but it's just a little random headcanon I always had so I thought I would share since this is suicide talking hour. Maybe I can rework it a bit to fit with this story better.

Let's say unhinged Peter (as I'm calling him now lol) does let the ghosts win. What happens to our Reader character would entirely depend on when in the relationship he went through with it. If she's too far gone and too far down the hole after Peter, then I sort of fear for her future. Unless she has someone really important in her life who would help her, I think she would just keep sinking until she ended up back on that ledge, except this time there's no Peter to catch her. And I personally don't think she has anyone that close to her, especially after mentioning that all her friends stopped texting her or asking her to hang out. They all kind of gave up on her so, when she's at her lowest, I really don't think anyone would be the wiser due to the isolation they both put themselves in.

I want to rewrite something I wrote two years ago that either wasn't that great and people didn't like or it just slipped under the radar (because it wasn't about an x reader or love or anything, it was just Peter's ptsd taking over and sometimes people don't give a shit about a fic if it isn't tagged with x reader). It fits really well in this new story to help show what could go on in Peter's head with how terribly Gwen still sticks with him and what exactly it is he's "seeing" that would push him to throwing himself off a building.

Cut to me pausing to frantically google if Peter Parker could survive a fall off a building or if his super powers make him strong enough to withstand it...

Okay maybe falling isn't the best plan of action but I really like (like isn't the right word but I'm going with it) that idea of him mimicking Gwen's death because he's so haunted by it. He would want to feel what she felt. He would want to go the same way. So for the sake of this story, he's can't withstand that fall.

“Leave me alone!” Peter shouted into the dark shadows of the clock tower. He sat huddled against the newly built glass wall that domed up over his head. The bright, white light of the moon hung in the sky above him and casted wavering shadows around him to mess with his vision. The turning of grinding gears below him haunted his memories of the night Gwen died. Eight years and she still haunted him every time he dared to fall asleep.

He couldn't take it anymore. His head was a mess. His thoughts were spinning.

He was just so tired.

He had fallen asleep here accidentally. Maybe if he went to the source of the problem, she would disappear. It was a stupid plan

It only made her stronger. This was where his ghost of her was most alive.

Maybe that's why he really showed up. He wanted to see her. He wanted to finally confront his demons. She was calling to him and he had to answer.

He had slipped a crushed up sleeping pill into his girlfriends water during dinner. He carried her bed, tucked her in, and kissed her soft and gently. She didn't need to see this. This wasn't for her. She needed to be free of him. He needed to let her go before it was too late. She wouldn't understand at first but, maybe, with time...

What had time ever done for him except make Gwen stronger?

He slipped an envelope onto the bedside table beside her. One for her. One for May. He wasn't sure if he would make it home this time. His mind could still change. He could still make it back before she woke up.

But they were.

Just in case.

He couldn't leave them with nothing.

She was here now. Ready to haunt him like usual. Ready to take over and ruin him. Night after night. Day after day. She was always there. Gwen never left. She walked beside him through it all.

Tonight, she was angry. Furious. This was where he had let her die. Of course, she would be the most powerful here.

He no longer had his girlfriend to help soften Gwen's blows. There was no one to intervene. Only him and Gwen. Stuck in a staring contest. Sizing each other up.

The sunken in face of his dead lover glared back at him from just below his edge of his of his perch, trembling from the sight under him. She was standing on top of a giant gear, watching him, judging him. A large smile grew across her pale, bluing lips. It was too wide. Too big for her face. Her teeth looked rotten and jagged inside of her mouth. A trickle of blood slowly trailed out of her nostril.

“What’s the matter, Peter?” She taunted. Her sickly voice swirled around his head like a swarm of mosquitos. “Did you miss me? Is that why you came here? To see me clearly again? Well, here I am. Look at me. Dead. Putrefied. All for you. Aren't I beautiful? This is what you've done to me.”

A loud sob shuddered through his chest and ripped out his throat. He brought up a hand to wipe away the snot flowing freely out his nose. This nightmare was too familiar. He knew this too well. He didn't feel like he was dreaming this time. He never did.

If it wasn't a dream then his mind was truly gone. Distinguishing between reality and fiction was something he no longer had control over.

This was as real to him as anything.

“Please, Gwen. Please,” he pleaded with her. “Go away. I can’t do this again. Please. You have to let me go."

She tutted her tongue in annoyance and shook her head with disbelief, “Oh, Peter. I have to let you go? Do you think I want to be here?” She became climbing up the gears and the scaffolding towards him. She looked more like himself as she climbed, enhanced and spider-like, taking the movements straight out his brain until she was perching on the ledge beside him. “Do you think this fun for me?”

Peter whimpered in response. His tears were blurring his vision but he was afraid to wipe them away. He was terrified of what might happen if he took his eyes off of her, like watching a snake in the grass, it's better if you can see it in your sights instead of letting it hide and able to strike.

Gwen walked with slow, purposeful steps towards him until she stood directly over him as he cowered backwards on all fours. Under the pale moonlight hanging above them, her skin turned yellow, painted with purpling hues and blacks, and rotting away around her cheekbones to show parts of red, bleeding muscle under the pulled back skin. Her, once vibrant, blonde hair now hung in patchy strands from her head. Most of her hair had fallen out leaving her balding and sickly. When she smiled, browning, broken teeth shone back at him, they hung lose in her jaw, rattling around when she spoke.

She was a walking, decaying corpse sent to haunt him every time he closed his eyes.

“Look at what you’ve done to me!” Her shrill voice echoed off the glass walls. She spun around to show him the back of her head. Her skull was caved in. Parts of brain matter clung to her hair and blood stained what was left of the blonde a deep red. She turned back to face him, leaning in close so she was mere inches away. He could smell the heavy scent of freshly dug dirt and wet grass clinging to her rotting finger nails like she had clawed her way straight out of the ground to find him.

She snarled, “You did this, Peter! This is your fault!”

Peter flinched and scrambled backwards to get away from her, “No! Please, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. I didn't know...I didn't know...I thought I could catch you. I thought I could save you. I'm sorry. Please, Gwen. Please. I'm so sorry.”

“Sorry doesn’t change the fact that I’m dead,” she smirked, eyes darkening, enjoying his torment. She sunk down to her hands and knees to crawl over him, pressing her skeletal body against him, until he was laying flat against the ground with no where else to go.

"Look at me," she whispered into his ear. “I was going to go Oxford. I was going to be a scientist. I was going to change the world. The only way I can change the world now is by letting the worms feast through my flesh until there is nothing left. Something tasty for the bugs. That's all I am now.”

Peter whimpered, turning his head away from her and flinching into himself.

He heard her sniffle like she was about to start crying. He hated hearing her cry.

"Don't you love me anymore, Peter?" She whined. "Don't you care about me? Why did you find someone else? Why did you forget me so quickly? I loved you so much and you left me for the worms. Only they kiss my skin now."

His heart sank and guilt flooded him. Slowly, he turned his head to face her, blinking up at her. For a moment, she looked just like he remembered. Beautiful. Whole. Healthy. Alive.

Peter gave a shuddered, shaky breath, whispering in awe, "Gwen."

She beamed down at him. There were no rotting teeth, no blood, her hair was full and luscious. She was glowing under golden light with happy tears in her eyes like his memory of her on top of the Brooklyn Bridge.

"Kiss me," she whispered against his lips. "Like you used to."

Peter's eyes slipped close. His heart ached.

"I can't," he mumbled back. "I love someone else now. I love her like I loved you. She..."

He needed to get back to her. She needed him. He needed her. He should have never left her tonight. He had to leave.

A wailing growl shot ice through his veins as Gwen let out a shriek of pain as if she had read his mind. She was back to her decaying corpse. The sight terrified him.

"You will not leave me! I won't let you! You're mine, Peter! Mine!"

Peter kicked up his feet to shove her off of him. He scrambled backwards away from the haunting vision.

"I can't, Gwen," he pleaded. "I can't be with you anymore."

He frantically shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut, in an attempt to make her disappear. Usually by now, his girlfriend would hear him screaming. She'd be here to block Gwen from his sights. She'd be there to force her away until he was safe.

Tonight, there was no one but him.

"This isn't real," he muttered to himself. "She's not really here. She's dead. She's buried underground. Locked in a coffin. This isn't real. When I open my eyes, she'll be gone."

He peaked an eye open. A sense of relief washed over him. He was alone in the clock tower. There was no one here but him.

He could still go home. He could still make it back to her before she woke up and rid her bed side of those letters.

She would never have to know.

Peter took a deep breath, half way through exhaling it when he felt a tap on his shoulder.

Gwen's decomposing face poked into his peripheral vision as she whispered menacingly in his ear, "Boo."

He screamed, jumping away, to the sound of her taunting laughter.

"I'm still here, Peter!" She cackled. "You can't get rid of me that easily! I am always going to be here. I am always going to follow you. I will never let you go." Her voice softened. Almost sweet. Sad. Longing. "Because I'm your path, Peter. I am always going to be your path. Follow me everywhere just like you promised. I want you to follow me. I need you..."

She reached out her hand for him to take. The skin had rotted away around the tips of her fingers leaving nothing by bones reaching for him.

This wasn't his Gwen. His Gwen was dead. She was buried in the ground surrounded by fresh flowers. The thing in front of him was nothing but a product of his own twisted mind. Birthed from his guilt and excruciating pain. A monster of his own creation.

"I can't," he choked out through his tears. "Someone else needs me now. I'm sorry. I love you. I will always love you. But I can't follow you. Not yet."

Anger flashed over her darkened, bloodshot eyes, “No! You promised you’d follow me anywhere. Follow me to the grave, you liar!”

Peter cringed at her harsh words. Tears blurring his vision. He had promised.

"Gwen, please," he begged. "Let me go."

Her face softened. He watched her grow back into old self again. Her rich purple dress. Lace tights. Knee high boots. Pale blue jacket. All highlighting her perfectly beautiful face. Large, bright green eyes without a blonde hair out of place. Always so put together. Always nothing less than perfection.

"You want me to go?" She asked, turning around slowly for her to take him in. There was no crack in the back of her skull. No blood.

His breath caught in his throat. He tried to reach out for her, to draw her closer against him, but she stepped away. Just out of his reach.

"You want me to go so I'll go." She whispered. "But you'll have to watch. Again and again and again. You'll have to listen to the sound of my skull cracking against the pavement. Hear my spine snap as your web jerks me upwards. Smell my blood pouring from my open, split open head." A trickle of red blood started to leak out her nose as her eyes closed. "Only you can make it all stop. Only you can make me go away. You know exactly how to do it, Peter. All you have to do is follow me. Just like you promised. Follow me and it will all end."

He blinked through his tears, taking a slow step towards her.

"Follow you," he muttered in a trance like state. "I'll follow you anywhere you go. You're my path. I'll write my love for you across the Brooklyn Bridge so everyone in New York can see it."

She smiled, soft and sweet, "Follow me. Don't leave me alone. Stay with me, Peter. Forever."

"Forever..."

Her arms out stretched to her sides and she leaned back, stepping off the ledge and sinking out of sight past the giant gears, hurdling straight towards her death.

"No!" He shouted.

Without thinking, without caring, Peter leapt after her. He had done this move so many times in his nightmares. He had obsessively walked through every single second of her death. Again and again just like she said. He knew it better than he knew himself.

He jumped on instinct. He leapt after her like he always did.

Keeping his promise. Following her down any path she took.

I know you asked how May and Reader would respond to such a thing afterwards but that's like one topic that's just a little too hard for me to write about. I know it's weird that I can talk about Peter throwing himself to his death and I can write about depression and suicidal ideation and self harm and ptsd and guilt and feelings of worthlessness but writing about someone like May (who I relate far too much to my own mother) finding her boy dead is just a hair too much for my heart to take haha. I was originally going to write a scene of his funeral but then I was like nah too much for even me. I can't watch May cry over her dead kid.

I will say that he would be buried next to his parents under the same gravestone which sits besides Ben's. It's a few rows down from Gwen so Peter can always be near her.

I don't even think I actually answered your original ask but I got carried away with Peter in the clock tower!

Also May puts matching flowers on both Peter's and Gwen's graves every time she visits. hahahaha i gotta stop writing fuck me

[sapphicscholar]

20 questions for fic writers

Thanks for the tag, @lilolilyr!

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

135 fics total!

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count?

2,436,430 words (jfc hahah)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Ever? Listing them in vague order of when I started writing for them: Supergirl, Wynonna Earp, Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, Grace and Frankie, This Way Up, Once Upon a Time, Madre Solo hay Dos (just on Tumblr), Abbott Elementary, Hacks, and Julia

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

ALL of them are Supergirl from back in the early-ish days of the show when it was a pretty massive (by femslash standards, I suppose) and very active fandom! It's actually so interesting seeing how absolutely nothing I've written in more than half a decade even shows up, since I've largely switched to smaller fandoms since then.

But the top 5 fics by kudos are:

Stronger Together, a collection of one-shots for various Supergirl ships (with a few gen fics mixed in), which has nearly 5k kudos (WILD to me as someone now in a fandom with maybe 25 people total haha)

Welcome to the Gayborhood, my first ever fic, a looong Sanvers and Supercorp professor AU that still keeps the alien/supernatural elements of canon

6,500 miles away...but getting closer, a Sanvers epistolary fic that my wife and I actually co-wrote and posted 1 letter/email per day every day for many months

Noise Complaint, a Sanvers next-door neighbor AU that, hilariously, given its placement in the top 5 here, is what catalyzed a series of events that led to me very much leaving the fandom (and fandom writ large for nearly a year)

Supercat Sanvers 2020, a Sanvers and Supercat political AU that was maybe one of the last long-form works I wrote before moving out of DC!

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I really try to! Sometimes if it's from a person I know well, I end up responding via DMs, esp if there are questions about what comes next, plotting elements, etc., that I don't necessary want everyone to see while the fic is still being posted, but mostly I try to respond on AO3. I've gotten a bit worse in the past few years just because I'll manage to eke out a bit of time to write, which puts me behind on my work, and then I don't leave myself time to respond, and by the time I DO have time, it feels awkwardly late to do so. But even if I don't respond, I absolutely love/cherish/adore/etc. every single kind comment I've ever been given <3

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Forgoten, but not Gone - a Sanvers amnesia AU set post-breakup that's heavy on the angst with a rather ambiguous ending. I got talked into writing a part 2 that resolves the angst haha, but taken on it's own it's definitely my angstiest ending!

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Huh idk! Most of my fics end on fairly happy, if a bit open, endings. I'm not a big fan of having all the loose ends tied up, and I realllyyyy don't do the marriage/2 kids/white picket fence epilogue, so I guess maybe the political AU has to be up there because it actually envisions a world where a queer woman wins the presidency on a progressive platform, and that feels rather utopian 🙃

8. Do you get hate on fic?

Not in a while, though I used to back in the days, like super vitriolic shit (big fandoms with too-big emotions, man... which has really kept me away maybe forever from those kinds of fandoms!)

9. Do you write smut?

Haha very much so. I've written and posted before about why, but I really believe there's so much interesting character work and exploration that can be done by exploring characters' pleasures, their desires (both thwarted and realized), their fantasies, etc. Obviously smut isn't the only way to do this, but fanfic feels like one of the few venues where it's a real possibility!

10. Do you write crossovers?

Nah, not really. I've written a handful of bring characters x and y into the universe of another show fics, but that feels mostly different. Every so often I'll borrow vague character outlines for tertiary characters in other fics just to see if folks recognize them (had Grace Hanson as a grumpy background character in a Sanvers fic set at PT for instance hah)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Once or twice, but we got them taken down

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yeah, one of my SG fics was translated into Russian! I'm not sure if it's still up (tbh I can't recall which one; it's been a long time!) I've also had a couple podfics now made of my fics, one of which I still need to go listen to when I get the time!!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yeah! The long-form Sanvers epistolary fic my wife and I co-wrote together, and a group of Supercat authors got together and did a delightfully chaotic round robin, each writing one sentence, then setting a timer for the next person to write the next sentence, etc., until we had Intergalactic Standard Cuddling

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Oh man, I really don't know that I have a favorite! I really appreciate what various ships can offer me at different times - there are certain themes that make sense to explore with one pairing but not at all with another, or certain AUs that work in one fandom but not really in another. Basically, if a show is giving me multiple female characters who interact in canon in ways that go beyond existing near each other, I'm intrigued, and if these characters actually get depth and complexity, I'm probably in! There are, however, some ships that I might not end up feeling fannish/creative about even though I love them as ships (I talked a lot to @trying-to-get-somewhere-real about this recently, actually!), so it's hard to name a favorite when the metrics get all wonky!

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t?

I don't want to say never, but I have a Cat-centric fic that'll end on Supercat that just has a lot of angst that coincided with a period of unexpected loss and grief in my own life in ways that have made it really hard to get back into even now (it just feels so...enmeshed with that moment, even though the timing was utterly coincidental)

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I do a good job with dialogue and getting characters' voices down - I'm really into the character side of things (which is also what gets me invested fannishly in shows! I want a show that cares about developing their characters first and foremost vs. a show where plot takes priority)

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Certain kinds of action scenes haha - also I tire easily of writing things that feel repetitive to things I've done/written before (this was more of an issue when I took prompts)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Largely, this isn't something I've had to deal with much outside of maybe a few phrases and sentences from multilingual characters. I've talked before about how it was actually the language/translation barrier that kept me from writing for Madre Solo hay Dos. I don't speak Spanish, and getting a show entirely via the Netflix-provided translations meant 1) I was fairly certain there were some word choice/dialect peculiarities I was missing, and 2) I couldn't catch the rhythms of their speech, the cadence of their voices at least in ways that corresponded to the specific words. For me, voice matters so much, and it really felt like a barrier to not have access to the source language because I felt like I couldn't do these two women justice!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Supergirl

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Oh I've answered this elsewhere with 2-3 works, and tbh I don't think it's changed since then! I'm actually far more interested in others' favorite fics of mine because it's so interesting to think about the question of *what* sticks with a person from yours (it's often so idiosyncratic!!)

I'm getting to this pretty late, so I won't tag anyone, assuming many people already have been, but if ya see this and want to participate, feel free to give me a tag! I always love seeing people talk about their own writing :)

[trashquisitor-shirozora]

💥 I feel like this is a loaded question considering canon right now lmao

💥 What is one canon thing that you wish you could change?

Oh it is loaded as fuck but I already know the answer and it's the one thing that I think could've changed the entire trajectory of The Mandalorian:

Don't reunite Din and Grogu in Boba Fett's fucking show.

The decision to do so because Disney was such chickenshits and Favs didn't want to ruin the successful formula of the first two seasons did, in my not so humble opinion, so much damage to both Din and Grogu as well as the future of the show.

Boba Fett lost the spotlight to them. We spent 1.5 episodes on them and where the fuck was Boba the entire time? Standing in the background in silence for like 10 seconds in one of those episodes. Personally, if you decide your season/show has less than 12 episodes, you have to make them count. And while I appreciate all the Manda-lore in the 5th episode, it should've been slotted into Season 3 of The Mandalorian where that lore actually fucking mattered.

(don't even get me started on how they handled Cobb Vanth and Cad Bane omigod he truly was the precursor to how they wrote Gideon in Season 3 jfc)

Back when I thought The Mandalorian was Din Djarin, I wanted to see him develop as a character without Grogu. What is he like now that his quest is over and he's lost everything except for this stupid Darksaber? How does he cope without Grogu? How does he grow, or does he devolve without Grogu at his side? Episodes 5 and 6 baffled me but the decision to reunite with Grogu in episode 7 felt so fucking wrong. Can you not trust your characters and your audience, Favreau?

Hearing about Grogu's "arc" in Season 3, he really should not have come back in Boba Fett's fucking show. I think he should've spent more time off-screen or in short scenes with Luke and Artoo on Ossus. It's probably the Dinluker in me but I'd have loved to see Luke try to reach out to Din about Grogu, either about his progress or his desire to return to his father.

The decision to have them reunite in Boba Fett's fucking show so that they'd be together at the start of Season 3 just tells me that Favloni wants to play it super safe by not letting Din and Grogu grow as characters separately and then together as a family unit, and it tells me Disney/Lucasfilm is buckling down on "we want to MCU-fy the 'Mandoverse'" and "money, money, money". I get that they're trying to recoup the cost of buying the franchise and trying to make up for their losses with D+, but like, haven't you already done enough fucking damage with the Sequel Trilogy? Are we really doing this again?

Then again, I got fooled twice so I guess I'm the fool. Thank god that Dinluke remains such an insanely compelling ship. This ship is just so good for my soul, Anon.

Oh god I'm so sorry for the rant. I'm sticking a few extra tags on this post so that people can filter this post out if they want to.

Play ask games, win ask prizes!

[bolcseszgoblin]

"my own post"

hey guys.

so i was inspired by a lot of nice people to write my own post about the mistreatment of disabled people by society. buckle up, it's gonna be a long one.

thanks for the inspiration , @tylenol-milk-tranny @anyroads@reverendyoda @ghostslip and others.

so. i believe that society as a whole is treating disability and disabled people with a lot of bias, zero tolerance and a lot of times hurting us, be it intentional, or unintentional. a lot of us are not well received in their spaces, or outright closed out of those spaces they are not accessible. and we are ridiculed, laughed at and hurt on a daily basis.

and by disability I mean physical and mental disabilities, autism, mental health issues, people living with chronic health conditions or learning disabilities, and I believe there's a lot more that doesn't come to mind now.

people are not educated about our problems, our experiences and that turns to hurtful comments, abuse, negligence, and way less opportunities.

we are belittled and laughed at, we are a lot of times hurt by our families, our peers, the people who should be helping us, taking care of us.

There are men, women, nonbinary and trans folks, kids and elderly people, and everyone in between who are struggling with this.

@tylenol-milk-tranny wrote a very nice post to support his fellow disabled men, I butted in with the notion that we are all in the same shoes, but I was not aware of their specific problems, and the discourse going on within their groups. my bad. i want to learn more about it.

he wrote (and I hope he will be not angry if I quote him here, because I've found this so powerful):

"Some of us just need a little extra help with stuff and that's okay. It doesn't make you a bad person, and it doesn't make you any less of a man. You deserve to get whatever support you need without being judged or belittled for it."

Disabled men deserve all the support, and all the respect. Disabled women deserve all the support and respect. Disabled people all along the spectrum deserve the respect and support.

and @ghostslip, You said "jfc advocating for "community" when disabled women are treated better than disabled men. Not everything is about YOU."

tbh some women (thin, white, cis women) might experience a little less harassment about their disabilities, but oh, they are hurting me a little bit less, is not the goal i believe. we can do better than that! (and I am actually a not too thin cis white woman, and believe me it sucks enough as it is. like. a lot.)

in fact i AM advocating for community. not for disabled women's community. a community of us all. and I am definitely not advocating AGAINST anyone. I don't know how I came across as disrespectful or hurtful, and I am sorry if it seemed like that to you. I respect all men who are struggling with stuff in their lives, and I would stand with you without question. As I would stand with anyone. if anyone is an asshole to you for being a disabled man, tag me and I will rip them to pieces if they are disrespectful.

we have a lot of people mistreating us, a lot of people not understanding what our experiences are in this world built for able bodied cis het neurotypical people. preferably white too.

and they are trying to turn us against each other.

we are divided, we are bitter, we are hurtful to each other too sometimes.

I would like to start a discussion. we could learn from each other, how our point of views and experiences differ. and how they are the same sometimes.

and how can we help each other.

I helped a lot of my guy friends take a look at their mental state and come to terms with how their "laziness", "inability to keep up with their chores and other stuff", "gross greasy hair and BO" might be coming from something that they were not aware of, and that they should have never been shamed for that. I helped them to get to a doctor, to therapy, to a psychiatrist and start a journey to understand themselves and heal.

(and believe me, I was called lazy all my life, my flat is such a mess most of the time that i cannot invite over "normal people", cause i don't want the comments. that includes most of my family. I was ridiculed by fellow women, who were supposed to be my friends for "being gross, disgusting" because i didn't get rid of my bushy eyebrows and didn't shave my leg. or i didn't shower for days. I've been there. a lot of us ladies been there too.)

so what I could do is that I sometimes cooked meals and invited these guys over, when I had the means and energy. and sometimes they picked up groceries for me when i was unable to get out of my flat. sometimes I went over to my gal pals and helped them get to an appointment they were not able to get to by themselves, and sometimes they came over to dig me out of the filth of my own apartment.

there are differences in our experiences but there are a lot of similarities too.

I would like us to work together, and at least don't hurt each other. we got hurt enough by everyone else.

Please don't accuse people of being hateful, who are actually agree with you, and would stand beside you against the mistreatment of others.

and you know what? it is actually fucking inspiring to see you guys standing up for each other. go for it! having peers who actually understand you is a powerful social net. we are way better off than disabled people 20-30 years ago without the internet where you can find people like you, struggling with the same problems.

I would just propose that if you don't want someone to interact with your discussion, please note it with a DNI.

we are not against each other. I am not against anyone.

so I would like to ask people to be as respectful with me as I was respectful with them.

peace.

[mings]

Some context...

...in relation to that last post. This is a lo-o-o-o-ong read, so feel free to skip right by if catharsis bores you.

This starts way before I joined tumblr; in fact, long before tumblr was even a thing.

Twenty years ago, we lived in a huge house backing onto the English Channel. We moved there from Scotland, which turned out to be (probably) the biggest mistake of my life. 

Within nine months of buying the place, the company I’d moved to work for nearly folded. I and most of the workforce were made redundant. That set in motion an existential battle with our mortgage insurer, which refused to pay out because I “must have known” when taking out the insurance. (I didn’t, and they eventually caved in after destroying my credit record, but that’s another story.)

Work wasn’t immediately available; none that would at least cover the bills. We got inventive, wrote a business plan, obtained finance & bought a franchise. It went pretty well for the first three years, but we had to bust a gut to make the required income. It wasn’t easy. Eventually, the franchise operator messed up relations with several key players in our insurance market. Within three months, we lost 75% of our revenue. I had to close the workshop & find part time work to make ends meet. Ultimately, we decided to close the business, sell the house and downsize to something more manageable.

What’s the relevance of this? We tried hard to keep our precarious financial state form the kids. Maybe we didn’t do as well as we thought. Our son had already become withdrawn. He’d fallen in with a group of local lads about whom we had grave misgivings. Of course, there was no discussing it. We were “over-reacting” and unreasonable. It was around that time that he decided to jack in his education. I couldn’t criticise; I’d done the same. I pulled some strings and got him a job at our local Royal Mail delivery office.

We moved to our new place. It was a stressful move. Trying to fit into a house that was literally half the size was never going to be an easy task. One afternoon, our son came home from work and soon after announced he was going out. “See you later.” Only we didn’t. He didn’t come home that night. Nor did he turn up for work the next day. Nor the day after. And nor the day after that. Within a week he was written up for unauthorised absence. We had no way of contacting him. His case was heard in the following weeks. I could offer no mitigation. He was sacked for abandonment of duty. That tag that means he’ll never work for them again. 

We still had no idea where he was. We only knew he was alive because we met a couple of his friends who couldn’t believe he’d not been in touch. Still no word. My wife was in shreds; I suspect any of you who are parents can identify with that. I was alternating between trying to prop her up and stay on top of my job, all the while under a constant barrage of barracking (Oh, we don’t mean anything by it, it’s just banter....)

About three months in I’d had enough. Sleep was a scarce resource so I rose at the crack of dawn and started on a trip, rousting one after another of the friends and acquaintances that I knew, following leads until finally I tracked him down to a sordid bedsit several towns and 40 miles away. At least he answered the door and looked sheepish. He offered no explanation or apology, and has never done so to date. He refused to come back home, but promised to keep in touch. 

We know he bounced from one sofa to another in the next few months. He spent time in some of the worst areas in the county for drug abuse. He fell into a relationship with a girl that looked promising initially and subsequently fell apart. Later, he surfaced in another town with another girl whom he subsequently married. She often spoke of his irascible temperament and moods. Ultimately the marriage was doomed; she was younger than him, found a new interest and moved out. One wonders now how much of that was her and how much she’d put up with before voting with her feet.

He’s stumbled from one financial crisis to another. Money just evaporates. It’s as though adulting is a mystery beyond his reach. I’ve lost count of the times that we’ve thrown money at him and I don’t want to even think about how much. It’s literally thousands, always a loan, yet he never, ever pays back.

He left his job. That was inevitable too; he worked for his ex-father-in-law’s company. Heaven only knows how long the writing was on the wall; it was pretty swift once she left. He drifted again. He chose to live in a squalid flat with no heating rather than move back with us. Absolutely his choice, not ours. 

We moved to Scotland. That meant all his stuff had to go into storage. Quick rewind - he moved all his stuff to ours when he gave up the house he & his ex lived in, but refused to move back home. I had to rent a storage unit to make space for all his gear & when we moved I shifted all his gear into the store, gave him the key & told him I’d paid three months up front; after that it was his to deal with. Apparently, he surrendered the store and moved all his gear into the flat...

Fast forward to a couple of months back. He’d run out of options at the flat. His flatmate was “really difficult” to live with. His ex had moved away, taking their son with her. He had nothing left to stay for and, surprise, he’d lost his job again so he couldn’t afford the rent. 

My wife convinced me we should give him one last shot, citing his fragile mental health. I agreed on the strict understanding that we are simply no longer in a position to support him. He assured us he’d be applying for work as soon as he got here. We rarely see him before midday...

We agreed the end of the first week in March. We knew he’d arrive with a ton of stuff so we had (again) to create space. That’s infinitely more difficult now we’re running a B&B, but we set to the task. Suddenly, two weeks sooner than we’d agreed, he rented a van and was on his way. No discussion, no warning. We only found out because he put something on FB. 

Finally, after trying to reach him most of the day, he phoned. Whilst we should have been relieved, instead we were treated to a barrage of abuse because all the petrol stations were shut. Of course they were. It was in a national lockdown and why would they stay open when there was no one on the roads? JFC, who embarks on a journey in sub-zero temperatures across some of the most inhospitable country in the UK without enough fuel? With a six year old child. Yes, not only did he forget to tell us about his change of plans, he forgot to tell us he was bringing his son too.

We drove south through the night for two hours to find him somewhere in the Cairngorms where he’d run out of fuel. No fuel meant no heaters at 1500 feet in deep snow. The ambient temperature was -5ºC/23ºF & with wind chill that was probably around -10ºC/14ºF. We found him & refuelled his van. No thanks, just another barrage of abuse, because he was tired. We took his son into our car & drove the two hours back in near silence. I think we knew then that it was an awful predictor of what was to come.

We’ve had row after row. He accused me of being passive-aggressive in the last. He actually ticks all the boxes for passive-aggressive behaviour. I’ve never been tagged with that before; if anything I’m too forthright, blunt even. That’s a failing to which I will admit. If by that he meant that I don’t talk about the elephant in the room, it’s only because we fear it’ll lead to another explosion.

He never saw the damage that we sustained during our fostering years. He was never there. Yet here we are, experiencing flashbacks to those traumatic incidents; the parallels are exact. We have the benefit of years of training. We recognise manipulative behaviour when we see it - we were trained by some of the nations best exponents - and we know divisive tactics implicitly.  What he doesn’t know is that he will succeed only in pushing us closer together and alienating himself even further.

There are clear and well-documented links between cannabis and mental health issues. He is allowing the drug to determine his life choices. Although I may be wrong, I think he’s cultivating skunk, which is nothing like the weed that circulated in my youth. The smell that pervades our hallway is instantly evocative of high strength Afghan resin. It’s also going to be acutely difficult to eradicate before we’re due to open.

We’ve endured 20 years of this treatment. I know that even if we have a ritual burning, it will only be a matter of time before we’re back here again. We’re old. We’re tired. And we’ve worked our socks off (and still do) to achieve what we have. Maybe somewhere along the way we missed something. But I’m at a stage where I’m so far beyond this I just want it to stop.

[yehet-me-up]

Content Tag Game

Tagged by EXO sister-wife Kat @yeoldontknow​ <3 1. what fandoms have you written for (but do not currently)?

2. what fandoms are you currently writing for?

3. how long have you been writing? on this blog?

uhhh I definitely wrote half of several harry potter and lotr fanfics in HS but that was ‘the dark times’ many moons ago. so as an adult this is my only fandom! just stumbled into kpop and stumbled onto fanfics in the most backwards way possible (was sent a meme of a 1D ‘imagine’ and was like hey I wonder if they have these for kpop and then I found them and they were not a meme, but were fucking incredible AND NOW 4 YEARS LATER (started August-ish 2017???) here we are hahaha)

4. on which platforms do you post your stories?

oh dear god i just remembered I have an AO3 account..... WHOOPS, shit 😅 might need to, y’know, update that at some point. jfc adhd object permanence is something else.

5. what is your favorite genre to write?

Personally it’s sci fi/fantasy, but here in the fanfic space I’d say..... uhh slice of life, romance, angst but make it a happy ending?? fanfic is a way for me to share all the sort romantic hopeful feelings I have about love and life and friendship and purpose 💕

6. are you a pantser or a planner?

Used to be a pantser when I started this (and when fics used to be like ?? 3k-5k) now that fics in general are longer for one-shots and series my good lord I need an outline. Especially for exo mall which is *insert meme of crazy guy with the bulletin board* a lot for my brain haha

7. one shot or multi-chapter?

8. what is the perfect chapter length in your opinion?

I’d say mine are usually 5k or so?? some series were shorter per chapter, depending on subject matter. I tend to write like... interconnected long as frick oneshots, so i don’t count those as chapters ☠️

9. what is your longest published story? is it complete?

uhhhhh good question haha. my book was 95k and I think exo mall is like *dammit math* 140k or something that has significantly gotten out of hand. I have two more fics so it will probably be like 180ish when it’s done?? not including the drabbles to come haha 

10. which story did you enjoy working on the most?

I loved No Quarter and torturing Kat with her husband, also staying up all night to finish Chanyeol’s exo mall knowing kat had NO idea it was coming was a BLAST. Kyungsoo’s exo mall was one of the most ‘in the flow’ writing experiences i’ve ever had. I wrote this Baek oneshot at like 3am when i couldn’t sleep once and tbh it felt like I wrote it in a dream. ja;slkfjasd I love so many of these this is like a trip down memory lane, so I’m going to be a wh*re and say two more haha.  This is the most honest and close to ‘real life’ thing I think I’ve written on here (and also one of the only sex scenes I didn’t lose my goddamned mind trying to write a;sldkfja;sdf). And lastly Ablaze, which was the longest thing I’d written (I think) and let me know that hey? maybe I could write a book someday <3

11. favorite request you’ve have written and why (if any?)

This request for Exo Mall Baek was such a joy to write! And for some reason this Taeyong drabble makes me wish I had the time/energy to write it into a full story, it gripped me so much when I wrote it, like a movie had fully downloaded into my brain out of nowhere.

12. are there reoccurring themes in your stories?

For sure! I’d say found family is a big one. Trusting that you’ll find your place even if things don’t make sense or you feel unsure. Believing that love is worth the risk and fear of trusting someone ;laksjdfal;sd. That love can be big gestures and super intense, but that after that fades away it’s the small daily moments that matter most - the people who stay and listen when you’re sad, holding hands and forehead kisses, taking care of people when they’re sick or scared or just need company, showing up to try again or to communicate even when things are hard. 

Someone commented on a fic of mine ages ago that I helped them see that real love (of that small, daily, consistent kind) is possible and MAYHAPS I cried because underneath it all, that’s what I’d want people to take away - that love of all kinds is scary, but it’s always worth it in the end <3

13. current number of wips?

Surprisingly just ... 3? wow how time has changed hahaha. I have Jun + Baek for exo mall (plus some drabbles but that will be something people write in about, so I wouldn’t consider them wips) and then I maaaaay continute on here with the Jun + Min regency baes series. We shall see :)

14. three things you have noticed about your own writing?

1. I can’t NOT write Baekhyun as the biggest cheesy dork in the entire world 2. That I’ll always have endless fantasy world to live in. I have to try actively to not start new WIPs because it’s so damn easy to be inspired. If I’m ever bored I know that I can jump into some story and let myself be carried away for a while 3. that who and how i am in real life is not usually the same person that i am when it comes to the vibe of my writing, and that that’s totally okay <3

15. a quote you like from a published story.

“I wish it had been with someone like you, though,” you say, squeezing his hand.

“Someone like me?” he says, raising his eyebrows, waiting for an explanation.

You look down at the floor, trying to figure out how to put how he makes you feel into words. “Yeah, someone strong, and steady. And safe.”

He lets out a laugh. “Safe? That sounds awfully similar to boring.”

“No, no. You don’t understand,” you say emphatically, coming to stand fully in front of him, grabbing his other hand as well. “You never ask me to be anything but who I am. You’re patient, kind, caring. For the longest time I thought that falling in love would be stifling. That it would… I don’t know, take my independence. Take my spirit. Make me into someone I don’t recognize.”

You step closer, holding his face in your hands. “But I can’t think of anything I want more than to be with you. You make me the best version of who I am. I don’t know how it is for you, being with me. But when I’m with you, it just feels like… home,” you finish gently.

- from Kyungsoo’s exo mall because THIS is how I feel about falling in love now, and this story was me working out what I believed about the process (like a goddamned emo bish haha)

16. a quote from an unpublished story.

For a moment you allow yourself this weakness. It won't destroy you to admire the strong lines of his body, the intensity and focus in the set of his brows, the deep, warm color brown of his eyes as they - oh lord, he's looking directly at you. As he notices you watching him his lips press into a small smile, inclining his head towards you.

'Oh no,' you say, mortified. In a breath you've blinked and drawn your arm through Maggie's, weaving your way through the crowd and dragging her with you.

'What's wrong?' she hisses in your ear, slightly off-kilter from the drink and revelry. 'You're going to tear my arm off.’.

'Sorry, he -' With a hand you push through the front doors, gulping in the cool night air and breathing deeply to steady the erratic pace of your heartbeat. 'Maggie, what's happening to me? He looked at me and I felt so... naked. I can't explain it.'

She realizes you aren't in actual distress and laughs. 'Good. About time you fell in love. I'm delighted.'

- From perhaps a future chapter of Jun and Min regency baes series....

17. space for you to say something to your readers.

Thank you so much. Truly, from the bottom of my heart. This fandom brought writing back into my life after such a long time away and I had no idea I would love it so much. The friends it’s brought me and the kind words that made me cry or cheered me up on a shitty day or made me laugh out loud and the watching other writers grow on their journeys. Getting to hear how something I made could help you feel less alone or less sad on a shitty day is all I’ve ever wanted from sharing all this. Thank you for being here and thank you for sharing parts of yourself with me <3

Tagging anyone who sees this who would like to do it, even if you don’t consider yourself a “real writer” yet (yes you are, stop doubting yourself!!!!) 😘

[petersasteria]

To Everyone.

Hello. I have something important to say.

Lately, I’ve been feeling really down and my sadness hasn’t really left me. You’re probably wondering why on earth I’m feeling blue. Well to put it simply, I haven’t been happy writing here lately. I haven’t been happy writing here lately, because I feel like it’s not good enough to receive any kind of feedback.

In all honesty, I feel like I’ve failed as a writer. I’m jealous of writers who receive the things they deserve and I’m happy for them, but it’s just difficult when you look at all the things you’ve done and you don’t even get half of what the others receive. And that sucks. I want to be able to put out content here that becomes really successful without the help of my mutuals, y’know? Because I don’t want to feel like a burden to them and sometimes I do and I don’t want that. And sometimes I think that it kind of hurts when something I’ve written becomes “successful” with the help of a mutual, because it makes me think ‘oh, they’ll only read it when this person is reading it’ and that sucks to think about.

I want to be able to get feedback. I want people to tell me what they thought of the thing that I wrote. I want to be able to receive random asks about how my day was and a whole lot more, but we don’t always get what we want. Life’s unfair.

I’ve been writing since I was 14 and not once did I receive any of those and it hurts. I feel like I’ve done something wrong; I feel like I’m doing something wrong and I don’t know what. I tried posting every single day and I got nothing. I tried posting a few times a week and I got nothing. At this point, I don’t know what to do. So, I’ve decided that I won’t write here anymore. Or at least for a long time.

As much as I love the friends I’ve made and the things I’ve done, I feel like I don’t belong here. It sucks, because I feel like that anon was right. Maybe my writing isn’t A+ at all and it makes sense, because I don’t get the reblogs that I think I deserve. Maybe I actually don’t deserve reblogs at all. Anon, if you’re reading this, you won. Congratulations. I’ll send you a fruit basket for your victory.

Writing here has been fun. It was such a ride and I loved every single second of it and I wouldn’t trade it for anything else in the world. I think it’s best that I’ll just go back to Wattpad since everything began there, anyway. I’ll continue writing there.

I also feel like I haven’t been receiving the same amount of support that I give. I usually don’t let it bother me, but it’s already too much and I’ve been bottling it up for a while now. I think it’s fair to let it all out.

My DM’s are open if you need someone to talk to. I’ll turn off my asks since it’s useless to leave it on when no one’s sending something, anyway. I’ll just be here reading.

I don’t want to be jealous anymore so I’ll do myself a favor and remove myself from whatever the fuck this is. I’d rather stay away than have jealousy flowing through my veins. I feel like complete shit for feeling jealous of my mutuals. I feel like complete shit for feeling this way. I feel like a shitty person for not being good enough for all of you. For that, I’m sorry.

I deeply apologize for not being the writer all of you wanted me to be. I deeply apologize for not being A+ for you, anon. I’m sorry for all of my shitty writings. Jfc, I’m so sorry you read all those. To my mutuals, I’m so sorry for being jealous of your success. I’m so sorry for wanting that same success for me too. I’m so sorry to the anons who’ve sent me requests and I still haven’t done it yet, because I have no motivation on doing so. I’ll clean up my inbox at some point. 

I know it’s so wrong to compare myself to other people, but I can’t help it. No matter what I do or no matter what I write, I’ll never be close in reaching the goal I want.

I’m sorry for letting you all read this long letter. You’ll probably think it’s pointless or not.

To all the people I’ve disappointed, probably all of you, I’m doing all of you a favor and I’m making that anon happy. And I quote Eliza from Hamilton, “I’m erasing myself from the narrative”.

You may still tag me in your posts if I’m on your taglists or if it’s a tumblr game. I’ll still be active here, anyway. Just not in the writing part. I won’t remove my masterlist. It’ll be here so that if you ever want to read my work again, it’s there. To the people on my taglists, I now understand if you don’t want to read my work anymore.

Goodbye. I’ll see you all when I’m ready to write here again.

Tagging my mutuals to let them know: @blakemedownslow @duskholland @hjoficrecs @baby-haz @halfblood-princess-505 @dummiesshort @spideygirl2003 @parker-potters @parkerpeter24 @deadlyaffairs @spider-pxrkers @euphorichxlland @unsaidholland @chloecreatesfictions @frantasmic @osterfieldnholland @peeterparkr @t-holland2080 @peachybloomss @the-panwitch @petersholland @thirzaholland @cosmicholland @fallinfortom @rubberducky-jrr @spidey-sophie @theamazingtomholland @greenorangevioletgrass @fanficparker @uglypastels @sunflowerhollands @marvelousell @hazardosterfield @tonguetiedholland @god-knows-what-am-i-doing @slytherins-destroyed-my-life @dontmindthefangirling @gayfeministbroadwayyeet @lovingsiriusoswald @nerdyperfectionfire @leocoon1d @h-osterfield @trustfundparker @ghostspf @lcvelyparkers @myblueleatherbag @h0llandshalstead @harrisonloveposts @holland-quackson @justasmisunderstoodasloki  @sweetdespairbarnes @tommysparker

[trashquisitor-shirozora]

I posted 2,015 times in 2021

18 posts created (1%)

1997 posts reblogged (99%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 110.9 posts.

I added 676 tags in 2021

#art - 255 posts

#star wars - 120 posts

#what are cats - 95 posts

#the mandalorian - 55 posts

#shirozora draws - 42 posts

#food - 29 posts

#oh my god - 25 posts

#star trek - 21 posts

#lotr - 18 posts

#tolkien - 16 posts

Longest Tag: 132 characters

#and 5 minutes in i knew i was in for a bad time and i fucking paid for a bad time and i am still having a bad time and i paid for it

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

I need someone to start following me around with a stick and bonking me on the head whenever I launch into a tirade about how much TLJ fucking sucked because that is energy I can use on literally anything else I cannot keep going on and on about that fucking movie and the entire ST for 20+ minutes every time I’m reminded that people actually think it’s good don’t fucking @ me I don’t care I don’t fucking care i don’t 

3 notes • Posted 2021-02-28 07:48:15 GMT

#4

If I'm being real, I'm always fearful of giving an actual Opinion on Fandom because whenever I do, I stick my foot all the way down my throat and look like a total ass. Been this way ever since I called out some yt people in my high school class for wasting all of our goddamn time vehemently denying their passive racism to our Black teacher (was actually less of a callout and more of a "omigod will you people just shut the fuck UP"). Now why that was even a topic to discuss in class is a whole goddamn book and a half about the high school program for us 11th graders on race, class, sex/gender, etc.

So I always admire the people who don't mind calling shit out. But my god, one day I'm gonna fucking snap and burn down all the bridges and I'll be sorry but not really but kinda but also really not really.

3 notes • Posted 2021-12-06 18:23:52 GMT

#3

This is just wild to me.

There are a ton of ways to sort these stats, but the main one for me is Hits because, y'know, how many times did a fic get looked at? How many times did a reader engage with this work? How many clicks? And for the longest time it was my one big Tronfic, followed by the MCU and Supernatural. All these older fandoms that I no longer really engage in. It's been unbelievably depressing to look at and a stark reminder that I was in a major slump for several years (if you go through my art tumblr's archive, you'll find all these huge gaps between posts and virtually no growth).

It took 8 months for 2 fics, one still a WIP, to take the top 2 spots in every stat that involves reader engagement. Like, the fuck? This is nuts. These numbers are nucking futs.

(And I can't even begin to explain what's been happening with my art like jfc jfc jfc jfc jfc jfc jfc)

Just you wait until I've been in a fandom long enough to start roasting bridges over problematic tropes and trends.

3 notes • Posted 2021-08-13 20:38:29 GMT

#2

*stares at previous fic output*

*stares at new fic output*

It... look like I’ll be doing with my Mandalorian fics what I could not do with my Tron fics or any other fics and that is to write a sequelfic exploring a (mostly) established relationship what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

3 notes • Posted 2021-02-15 07:17:12 GMT

#1

I wrote a 30k Star Wars fic in less than 3 weeks and it wasn’t the Star Wars fic I thought I’d write (I didn’t think I’d write any Star Wars fic after the disaster that’s the ST) but I guess that’s what happens when the Mando Shows throws THAT curveball for their Season 2 finale.

3 notes • Posted 2021-01-14 08:35:13 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[jackrrabbit]

ask answering/updates

first of all, thank you 💘 second of all...

ok ok ok don’t get too excited, but I finally got the juice to start working on the next part of Fanatic 🖤 most of you guys will be like ‘who cares’ but i know some of you have been waiting for this for a while! it’s been what, 2 months?? hope I’m not jinxing myself by saying this *knocks on wood* also not to hype myself too much but it’s kinda bomb 😳 maybe this is just my sick bias but I’ve really been wanting to write about...aftermath iykwim haha. reader all scared & shy & trying to avoid him but yk he’s not going to leave her alone :P

I also figured out the ending to it will come back!! it wouldn’t be shiggy if it didn’t get dangerous 😈 also gonna be nice to write some eyes-rolling-back-in-the-head fuckery so our favorite handsy creep can finally get his dick wet with his beloved little nursey <3

here are some other vague ideas, some based on requests, some not. as always no promises!!

BNHA—pillage & plunder with fantasy AU warlord Bakugo (and his gang of ruffians?? hmm...)

BNHA—Overhaul makes you work off your daddy’s gambling debts the extra hard way uwu...also I have SO many ideas for Overhaul 😷 after I finish iwcb my next multi-part fic will probably be with him

BNHA—various things with reader as an aspiring villain set in the same universe as Caught in the Act: reader getting quarantined with shiggy & dabi...dabi getting mad at you after you keep fucking up...incel shiggy jacking it to his adorable protégée without her knowledge (a galaxy brain request from a very good buddy!!!!)

BNHA—ABO with alpha Hawks and omega reader in an elevator...and uh-oh, it’s stuck! and you’re going into heat! oh no, whatever will you do??

Haikyuu—you get stuck in a hole in a wall, good thing your dutiful boyfriend Kuroo is there to help you out ;)

Haikyuu—gangbang with Tsukki, Bokuto, Akaashi, and Kuroo...a challenge bc I’ve never written a gangbang before!! will have to do some research 🧐

Haikyuu—your bf Atsumu does mean things when he’s jealous, like putting his hands up your skirt in public

KNY—Kokushibou decides to keep a shrine maiden as his cute little human pet 💜 actually already wrote pt. 1 but I’ll wait to post til I’m done with Fanatic

AxK—just some no good very bad yandere content with Dr. Midori...neglect play stuff...sensory deprivation stuff...icky icky

Gintama—something with Kamui. does this count as monsterfucking? very very rough...idk what exactly? some form of dastardly acts

thanks for the concern friends 💕💕 I’ve been preoccupied by things happening irl for the past few weeks, trying to educate myself, going to protests, etc.

also in case anyone else is confused, my stance is and always has been that Black lives matter and all cops are bastards. I’m not sure my porn blog is the right place to talk about this at length but if you’re a bootlicker, please smash that unfollow button and don’t let the door hit you on the way out. if you don’t already have a decently functioning moral compass you should not get anywhere near my writing...fr

learn more and get involved

omg thank you & yes yes a million times yes!!! hope you don’t mind commitment issues and student loan debt 💝👯‍♀️

the line between not hawksfucker and hawksfucker is very thin and very blurry, beware.....lol and thank you!!

the video you recommended...like damn!!! that’s exactly the vibe I feel like fratty Hawks x reader from be a little bad would be like if they had a happy ending eventually (start at 1:39)!!!!! “I didn’t make you do this” “I’m not accusing you of anything” it’s that exact dynamic. imo Hawks might be a little less willing to make things official and reader would prob have a hard time being straightforward enough to ask tho...hmmm

I did get several requests for a part 2! I’m thinking it over atm. I will say tho that most of my reqs have very slow turnaround so if I write it, it might be a while

ooh I love getting recommendations! here’s what I like:

fanfic: I read stuff like what I write (smut, kink, yandere, villains). at some point I’m going to make a long post of fic recs of my own! I also read fluff and character x character ship fic so interests are pretty broad

TV: humor, crime shows like Bones, Criminal Minds, Psych, that kind of thing. nothing too dark or complicated, nothing that requires too much investment. same goes for anime

movies: pretty much everything! lately I’m really into Howl’s Moving Castle and Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

books: literary fiction. can I say I’m into dark academia if the only dark academia I’ve read is The Secret History? favorite books I’ve read semi-recently are TSH, All the Light We Cannot See, The Poisonwood Bible, and Discipline & Punish. currently reading Foucault’s History of Sexuality

music: idk man...all kinds of stuff. I listen based on vibe more than genre. all my spotify playlists are named things like “sunday” and “the power” and “[sparkle emoji]”. my artists on repeat are Hozier, The Weeknd, Kendrick, M.I.A., The Neighborhood (F I’m a basic bitch) but I’ll try anything once

jfc these two asks have given me so much hope 🥰😭💗 you know what? sooner or later I’m going to post Kamui x reader smut and it’s going to get 3 notes from the three of us liking it and that’s okay because I’ve thirsted over this man too long and too hard to go my entire life without reading over-indulgent reader-insert porn of him. yes the villain kink jumped out but DAMN!!! the man has ‘h*rny scumbag who lets his instincts rule him’ baked into both his DNA and his psyche, and I’m so here for it 😌

if you don’t know who Kamui is, do me a favor and watch gintama. yes there are like 400 episodes but it’s worth it. I will convert more bitches to the gintama thirst train if it costs me my life. Kamui was made to star in disrespectful breeding kink smut and this is a hill I will die on.

??? sure, if you can point me toward part 2 ????? lmao

I’m guessing you meant to ask for a pt 2 instead of pt 3? in which case, thanks for asking!! but tbh...for some reason I have a really hard time imagining what a pt 2 would look like, maybe because I wrote it 100% from Overhaul’s POV so it’s hard for me to define the reader’s feelings. I’m not saying it’ll never happen but 🤷‍♀️

HOWEVER if it’s Overhaul content in general you’re craving, you’re in luck!!! he’s a favorite of mine. legit he ticks so many of my boxes—villain kink? check. medical/scientist kink? check. yakuza kink? honey I’m weak. I’ll definitely be writing more for him in the future!

oh no! I checked it on my computer & on mobile and all of the links are working for me? are the links still broken for you guys?

anyway, here are the rules, here’s the short version of the request rules, and here is part 1 and part 2 of it will come back.

thank you to everyone who has sent kind words, everyone who replies to my writing, and everyone who posts thirst in the tags!!! I read that shit!!!! and it makes me fucking cry, I love you all

one more thing: several people have requested continuations to Sleepless, Sidekick, and Fanatic. on one hand, I’m so flattered that you guys want more!!! on the other hand, I actually already answered asks about pt. 2′s for those particular fics. before you request a continuation of anything, it’s probably a good idea to look up the name of the fic as a tag on my blog so you can check and see if anyone else had the same question 💖💖💖

[taramaclaywasaterf]

with all due respect... it's perplexing how much you like spike while being a terf (affectionate). spike, the character whose motivation is to dominate and violate the metaphor for female power (slayers), who turns buffy herself into a hollow shell, who is consistently a perpetrator of sexual harassment and violence, towards women who reject him....

Sorry for the late response, I saw this ask right when you sent it but I’ve been scouring my blog because I know for a fact I answered a similar question about Spuffy before, but tumblr is such a piece of shit website I literally cannot find it anywhere even though I know I fucking tagged it!! Ugh I hate this hellsite.

Anyway, trust me babe I know Spuffy is trash lol. I hate that I love this garbage ship so much, I really do. Part of it is that I was like a tiny fetus when I first watched the show so I didn’t actually realize how terrible Spike was, but now I’m like a decade and a half into shipping these two characters so I’m too invested to stop now...like, I couldn’t stop even if I wanted to- it’s ingrained into my psyche lol. I literally made my father buy me a leather duster from Goodwill when I was in middle school so that I could look like Spike, because I wanted to be as cool as him so badly. There’s no coming back from that lmao

Another big factor is that this show is, what, 20 years old now? It’s not like it’s currently on the air, still making new ones. If it were a new show airing right now, there’s no way I could stomach it, let alone support it. But this was the late 90s/early 2000s. It’s already happened. And as long as we‘re able to recognize *why* the shit that happened in the show was disgusting and wrong, and maintain self awareness and perspective, I honestly don’t see an issue with having one ~problematic~ (ugh sorry I hate that word lol) ship. As long as it’s not, like, literal pedophilia or anything, obviously, because fuck that shit.

Onto more character stuff, I’m gonna sound real cheesy and cliche for a second here, but...well, Spike didn’t have a soul. Everything he did, he did as a literal soulless demon. Angel was off nailing puppies to trees, murdering children, and torturing Dru while he was unsouled. Of course Spike is gonna be a piece of shit. He’s a demon. But despite that- despite his lack of a soul- he was still able to somehow, in his own way, love Buffy and Dru. That shit hits me in the heart every time I think about it. Here’s this guy- a man who wrote poetry and wanted nothing more than for his mother to be happy and for the girl he loves to love him back- who is suddenly torn from his life of being the butt of every joke, with his soul ripped from his body and a demon put in its place. And yet, he still just wants love. To be accepted. Becoming a vampire is supposed to heighten everything you were as a human being. Well, as a human, William was gentle, and kind, and desperate to be loved. But vampires are supposed to be evil. And bad. And remorseless. I said this in the other post I mentioned, but basically, everything Spike *is*, is a reaction to who William was. It’s like two opposing magnets trying to come together inside him constantly. And then he finds Buffy. A woman who not only appeases the demon inside him by treating him like a villain, but also- because of the fact that she’s so kind, so pure, such a light, she brings out William, the scared, lonely human man inside of Spike from all those years ago.

That’s fucking heartbreaking, dude.

Would any man in real life get this type of sympathy from me? Hell no, of course not. But this is a TV show. And we’re talking about magical creatures here. In real life, men aren’t hijacked by literal demons that make them abuse women. They do that shit all on their own. And when it comes to vampires, and Angel and Spike specifically, you as a viewer and Buffy herself can know for a fact that they changed once they’ve gotten their souls (or, in Angel’s case, gotten his soul *back.*) In real life, sure, men can go to jail for murder or rape, but it’s not like they’re gonna come out a different person. They’re still the same person who raped or murdered someone. When it comes to vampires, they’re literally just the same *body.* They’ve got a soul now. They’re no longer controlled by a demon possessing them.

That said, when it comes to Seeing Red...that shit was just straight up bad writing lol. Like, I’m not using that as an excuse or a cop out, I actually really mean it. The writers knew they wanted Spike to get a soul, they wanted to force some conflict, they wanted to drive a wedge between him and Buffy, iirc Joss was off writing Firefly and stopped giving a shit about BTVS, so the writers did...that. I’m forever annoyed and angry at them for it- not just for Spuffy but for Tara as well. It’s like they sat down and said “ok everyone, how can we best destroy our own show in the matter of 10 minutes?” then did it.

Lastly, they’re fucking cute together. Like, c’mon. You cannot tell me “I can be alone with you here” isn’t one of the most unintentionally romantic things anyone has ever said. “Every night I save you”? Fuck, it kills me. “If my heart could beat it would break my chest” stop that’s too fucking painful to think about. “You have to go on living, so one of us is living” nooooo my fucking heart “I love you” “No you don’t, but thanks for saying it”? Jfc that shit makes me fucking sob like a baby every time I watch it.

Basically, to sum up: I know it’s trash. But it’s an old ass show, and he didn’t have a soul, and we can indulge ourselves in some bad shit every once in awhile as long as we know why it’s bad.

[rey-of-luke]

2020 Fic Review

I was tagged by the lovely, amazing @musicboxmemories! Thank you so much!!

Total number of completed stories: ....do oneshots count as finished stories? Because in that case I have 3 (two of which are part of a larger oneshot collection). Most of mine are still being written very v-e-r-y slowly because my muse is VERY fickle as anyone who’s had to deal with my creative outlets well knows *looks at the like 10 vids I uploaded on my fanvid channel in the entire year and everyone else is uploading like 25+*

Total number of words: Uh.... *runs to get calculator* So if we are JUST talking about things I’ve written this year (including unpublished) I’ve written a total of... 9,445 words. In terms of PUBLISHED, I’ve written... 4,738. 

Fandoms written in: Published? Supernatural and Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (literally my shortest piece and it’s because I wanted it’s version of Lucifer to interact with Sam). Unpublished? NCIS.

Top 5 Ranked by Word Count: 1. we will always end up here 2. brother (let me be your shelter)

Top 5  Ranked by Kudos 1.  brother (let me be your shelter) 2.   we will always end up here

Top Fic Overall: Without a doubt, ‘brother (let me be your shelter)’. It doesn’t help that it was written not even a week after the Supernatural series finale aired, probably. And the fact the only other contender was my multi oneshot Samifer series.

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected? More, I guess, especially if we’re including unpublished? Largely because despite it being the first half of my last year in college I still had a lot of time to do so (we’ll see how much time I have when my internship this semester starts - which I also need to pass in order to get my degree... yay social work requirements)

What’s your own favorite story of the year? Honestly I really like both stories I posted, mostly because they’re larger parts of oneshot series. brother (let me be your shelter) has evolved into me writing more pieces about Dean Jr’s adventures in heaven with everyone and will probably include bits about his wife and kids that are still alive. Also I have sooo many ideas for my Samifer oneshot series it’s... kind of embarassing, really. 

Also in terms of unpublished... the largest word count is for my NCIS x Supernatural crossover series, which is going to comprised (if I can ever finish it) of multi oneshots involving Gibbs (and later Team Gibbs in general) taking in the Winchester’s as surrogate sons/brothers. Especially Sam because tbf he deserves to have at least SOMEONE in his corner throughout the entire series and damn it, if I want that make that person Gibbs (+ the rest of Team Gibbs) then I damn well can!!!

Did you take any writing risks this year? *gestures to ‘we will always end up here’* This entire damn series. Anything dealing with the pairing is asking to get sent hate and death threats in the fandom because of the implications... which is entirely why all the oneshots are dark and fucked up because there’s no way to NOT write Samifer without those things included. Unless it’s Sam x Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV) then that can actually be considered semi healthy because Netflix!Lucifer is WAY different from SPN!Lucifer (or CAOS!Lucifer to be fair). Though honestly, I’m trying to get back into the mindset that it’s OKAY to write in fiction what Tumblr + Twitter would crucify me for, because I make sure to tag and warn accordingly. And honestly, fiction doesn’t tell you jack shit about a person in real life. I’m a social work major, and I know a LOT of people in my classes who like true crime and horror movies. Me exploring darker aspects of humanity SAFELY IN FICTION doesn’t mean I’m going to end up snapping and commiting mass murder or something, jfc. This is legit a conversation I brought up with my advisor my freshman year of college and she was so confused that people think liking certain FICTION things means you like those same things in real life. That same professor is now I believe the head of a social work department at another university.

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the new year? Maybe just get more published/finished? Then again, that’s always my goal, haha. But I’m hoping once Walker premieres I’ll get my juices flowing again so in between my internship and fanvids I can crank out a couple stories once in awhile.

Most popular story of the year? ‘brother (let me be your shelter)’

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: ...I’m going to say ‘we will always end up here’. Just because I kind of like how creepy and fucked up I wrote Samifer in my 12x01 AU chapter and would like to know if I wrote either character decently. Also if I’m the only one who finds themselves mentally reviewing different times in the series where Lucifer’s creepy obsession with Sam can pop up, because I am forever bitter about s11+ because you literally can not convince me that Lucifer would willingly leave Sam permanently truly dead. The entirety of s5 says otherwise and that is what I hold to.

Most fun story to write? Both. ‘brother (let me be your shelter)’ lets me explore Dean Jr’s relationship with EVERYONE (Sam + Eileen, Dean, Jack, Cas, John + Mary, Eileen’s Parents, Adam + Michael... Magda... everyone I want basically) and ‘we will always end up here’ because Samifer is my guilty pleasure with little fics (especially crossover/au) so I’m indulging in it myself.

Most unintentionally telling story? ...depends upon what way you’re talking. In Tumblr terms? ‘we will always end up here’ because this site will say I’m a terrible human being and psychopath (which is actually outdated; it’s now referred to as anti social personality disorder) laying in wait. Personally? ‘brother (let me be your shelter)’ because my excited to continue the story with Dean Jr in the version of heaven created by Jack + Cas in the series finale is largely my hoping that whatever life there is after death is similar to that, aka you get to see everyone again and it’s peaceful and happy.

Biggest disappointment? My second chapter of ‘we will always end up here’, the 12x01 AU. I personally really liked it but only one person has commented and there have been no new kudos or anything since I published the CAOS x SPN chapter.

Biggest surprise: People actually liking my stuff, haha.

I tag anyone who sees that and wants to participate!!

[celticheartedfangirl]

My OUAT Rewatch -- S5E14 -- Devil’s Due

Link to Rewatch Review and Ranking archive

Everyone stand back, it’s time to honor the MOM OF THE YEAR!

Yeah, if you’re a Milah fan, you may want to back away now.  In fact, you may want to back away PERMANENTLY from my blog because I have no love or empathy or sympathy or ANYTHING for this fucking bitch except cheering for the fact that not only is she dead, she’s DOUBLE DEAD.  

Yeah you heard me.  Not even sorry.

So I went back to look at March 2016 me to see what some of my thoughts were on this one.  I had LOTS to say but I want to focus in on a few key things:

1.  I loathe Milah.  She’s a bitch, an abusive spouse, and just a piece of shit in general, and probably one of THE worst parents on the show, and that’s saying something given this show.  I don’t feel one ounce of sympathy or sorry for her.  Not ONE.  Not even half of a half of a half of a half of one.  

And I had about HAD IT with the Milah apologists in this fandom, and I’m not just talking about the OUAT fandom in general, I’m talking about the RUMBELLE fandom.  Yes, there are Milah apologists in the RUMBELLE fandom.  I’d wave hi to them, but I’m pretty sure they all have me blocked.  Or vice versa.  Or we are mutually blocked.  

GOOD.

Anyhow, I wrote this very lengthy, pointed post after this episode on why the character of Milah disturbs me so much, so here it is:

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/141406210392/seeing-pro-milah-stuff-on-my-dash-is-so-upsetting

I blocked A LOT of people after this episode initially aired.  Not even sorry.  

There is also this excellent post laying out exactly how Milah is abusive for all the idiots who claim that “Milah never abused Rumple”:

https://violetfaust.tumblr.com/post/133300598121/milah-never-abused-rumple

I know I’m being blunt here but this character triggers me more than any other character on the show.  She is TERRIBLE.  Just in this episode, let’s look at what mommie dearest did in the flashback ALONE:

1.  She yells at Rumple for PLAYING WITH HIS CHILD.  Seriously.  

2.  As soon as Bae gets bitten by the snake, they go to a healer and her immediate -- IMMEDIATE idea is “Hey, let’s KILL HIM!”  I mean, sure, her kid is dying, I’m sure any parent would do anything to save their child, but I honestly think most would stop short of “Hey, let’s do murder!” unless the way of saving their child was stopping an actual murderer who was trying to murder their child.  But nope, Milah goes right for bloodlust.  But of course SHE can’t do the killing, let’s make her husband do that, then get mad at him when he can’t muster up the same level of glee for murder that she can.  

3.  After Bae is healed, she goes STRAIGHT TO THE BAR.  Doesn’t stay to comfort her son that almost died. Nope -- goes off to drink and look for the pirate that flirted with her earlier.  You stay classy, Milah.

Which brings me to the issue that caused all kinds of debate when this episode aired -- “Ermagod Rumple took Milah’s agency with that deal he made!”

Oh, please.

Who thinks that Rumple and Milah had anything that remotely resembled sex since he came back from the ogre wars?  

PLEASE.  That was a DEAD BEDROOM.  They weren’t planning on more kids.  

And hey, if mom of the year Milah wanted more kids, why weren’t there a bunch of baby Killybunnies running around on the Jolly Roger given that she was off with him for at least EIGHT YEARS.  

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/141199068997/violetfaust-chanceofserendipity-rebelside

Rumple’s choices are always -- ALWAYS -- shit, shittier, and shittiest.  He NEVER has a good option.  His choices were

a) Bae dies

b) he commits MURDER

c) he give up a hypothetical second child that he literally has NO REASON to think will ever exist

Which one would YOU pick, oh great and wonderful Milah defenders?  Tell me your brilliant plans if YOU were in that situation.  

“Oh he should have talked to Milah” HELLO have you ever seen this abusive cow be reasonable to him?  NO.  You can’t reason with an ABUSER.  So don’t even give me that bullshit answer, sit down.

Just look at this bitch:

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/141713831697/emospritelet-thatravenclawbitch-woodelf68

Using sex as a weapon on her abused, desperate spouse.  Yes, I know we love squishy woobie!Rumple but this is ABUSE.  Using sex as a weapon is ABUSE.

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/141212899672/milah-never-abused-rumple-we-only-saw-a-little-bit

And in the underworld, Rumple is AGAIN faced with a no-win, no good solution situation.  

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/141427043007/you-used-to-say-belle-not-having-a-reaction-when

Honestly, if the genders were reversed and Rumple were a woman and Milah were a man, the whole fandom would be like:

I’m done with Milah, just talking about her makes me stabby.  So onto Emma . . . . here’s March 2016 me:

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/141400138912/so-hold-up-emma-tells-milah-about-neal

Someone slap her for me.  

Also the “Poor Hook” bullshit:

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/141200226257/what-pisses-me-off-the-most-about-the-whole-save

And Adam running away from fans who ask him valid questions that he has zero answers for:

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/141895654207/audreyslovegrows-queen-of-the-merry-men

But Belle is pregnant so . . . . . yay?  I remember thinking back then, “Gee I wonder how they’ll fuck THIS up.”

Here, have some hilarious fan art from the really good scene we all love:

https://celticheartedfangirl.tumblr.com/post/141429781082

BTW, despite all the bitching, MAJOR KUDOS to Robert Carlyle for knocking it out of the park on this one!  Well done, sir!  

This show doesn’t deserve you.

Points tally:

40 points to start

15 points for Rumple centric (was the last one SERIOUSLY Season 3?  I think it was, JFC, this show . . . . )

10 points for Papafire

5 points for Swan Queen

5 points for in character Rumple

5 points deducted for Hook

Despite my bitching, which is mainly about the CHARACTER Milah, I didn’t dislike this episode.  Full 25 bonus, no deductions.

Total points:  95

Follow #celtichearted OUAT ranking tag for more to come!

[lionofmara]

Daski’s TES RP Change Log

It’s been a while, it’s been a long road. We’ve seen jack shit on an update for another entry in the TES video game series. ((Skyrim is getting a fucking PS5 port jfc.)) I’ve changed a lot, 90% for the better. I’ve recognized symptoms of ADHD in myself and while that doesnt change my current executive dysfunction on wanting to RP but not doing it, it helps me understand why. But all the executive dysfunction remedies I’ve seen say to break it down into smaller bits until you find the blockage, if that doesnt help break the blockage down in the first place. So what I want to do is create a task for myself to clean up the problematic and previously uninformed bits of Sin and Thur’s blogs and make them, their back stories, and the descriptions of their features better, more cohesive, and reworded or entirely reworked so that they are more realistic and respective of communities or tropes that I may have been young and naive about when originally writing.

For now, I’m officially retiring the Dwemers, as much as it pains me to say. I worked for years on their lore, made monumental steps in creating fancanon for my Dwemers, and I dont know I can trust it in anyone else’s hands again. Plus, I wrote them into a corner (Key only speaking Dwemeris, Ilch being OP af, Thb being overly friendly and probably too loose lipped about being a Dwemer) that without a complete rewrite that is off the table, or other Dwemer or scholars on the Dwemer to interact with, it would be neigh on impossible to get them out in the open again. I dont have the cunning for it anymore unfortunately. Their blog will stay up as an archive, and maybe reblog some commentary or aesthetics there, but I cant foresee them being RP’d any time in the future. (Maybe answer some questions, or let Key answer some here. They’re still all hanging out in my head just. Quietly.)

Onto the Change Log:

7/19: Changed: Sin currently has 3300 posts on his blog. I’ve done some basic house keeping in clearing old memes I no longer want to answer, untagged misc related mun posts, etc. Wishlist:

tag kept untagged posts. Without xkit this is gonna have to be done by hand on each individual post but it’ll help with the blog upkeep.

update the master tag page. it will be a massive undertaking i dont want to do but its gotta be done if i want it organized..

review and reword headcanons and other info, ESPECIALLY about how Sin’s Lion works as an instinct rather than a seperate entity.

7/19, Later in the Day: Changed:

tagged kept, untagged posts

updated the master tag page. i did this pretty half heartedly so i’m sure it could use work but vOv

reworded the following posts: x x x x x x x

made maaajor updates to sin’s ailuranthropy, detailed here

Wishlist:

update old plot points-- declare whether to keep or toss (im looking at you, falkreath cabin)

it’s been 5 irl years since i last took note of the passage of time in his canon lets fix that. i want to fast forward/actually catch up his mental growth with that time frame

new starter post, after finalizing old canon

7/20: changed:

working on updating tense in past posts that were future predictions and are now true. this is probably gonna be a constantly in progress one.

updated ainsley’s page

[migleefulmoments]

Ooh new wedding pics for them to rant over. Honestly if you're going to have a fake wedding why would you blow hundreds of thousands of dollars on a lavish destination event coordinated by a top of the line event planner and thoroughly document it with a bazillion photos? No one puts that much time/effort/money into a fake wedding. Also yes, the PHOTOGRAPHER is going to POST PHOTOS from the wedding, just like she does of all her other gigs. It's how professionals market themselves.

Indeed why would one go to the effort of putting in so many personal details to a fake wedding? They wouldn’t. They would have had an LA event where they would have invited all their celeb friends to get more exposure. 

I can’t with the ccer’s claims about “Promotion”. YES, people will post photos of celebs to get promotion-that is how advertising works. Abby and Nonnie’s claims that everyone signed an NDA made me laugh because clearly, they didn’t. If everyone signed NDAs and both their friends and their vendors posted photos during the wedding and Darren has no power here- that makes Darren the biggest twit out there. 

Once again Abby- Weddings are not private events. They are often quite public events and the majority of people share photos on social media. One’s wedding day the kind of day you want to celebrate with others and photos of their wedding attire or videos of their reception are the perfect moments to share with the public. The couple is able to keep personal moments private and fans feel like they shared so much. 

ajw: Have we officially seen all of the wedding photos now? I think were previously unreleased.  Thank good, now i believe it was real, thanks Katie 

flowersintheattic254 You got me Katie. Now I’ve seen JeffJ there I’m more convinced than ever (Also Chuck was seen grinning from ear to ear where is your correction on the trope that Chuck was barely there or unhappy). 

leka-1998 Wow. I could not be more convinced, 19683rd photo’s the charm. It’s not always easy to forget nightmares either. Black and white though, I can think of a reason why I’d like that to be fitting. ((The pics aren’t intended to convince you of anything but for their friends to celeb a couple they love and a weekend that was special. In fact, I am 100% sure that Katie Edwards doesn’t give a shit about Leka, Flowers, or Abby).

klaineownsmysoul Talk about milking something for all it’s worth. Thanks for making hisbirthday about them. JFC. We can’t get anything that’s just about him anymore. This just reminds me that her dress is a laughable disaster and he’s a really good actor who knows when there’s a camera around. Please go away now. (Somebody upset to see a photo of Mia and Darren looking super happy?). 

chrisdarebashfulsmiles I know i shouldn’t but I’m laughing. All these efforts to make stans wet and make us saying something. Ab, RR and Beard just try to use the analytics tools to see that nobody cares about her as a wife and that revealing that she’s a beard would make her actually famous. C'mon. I swear you are annoying with the same shit every day. (I have no clue wtf you are trying to say here. Make stans wet? Why would anyone be wet over his wedding photo? I’m pretty sure that of all photos of Darren, his wedding pic would be the last one someone would wank to. Analytic tools? huh? This was nothing more than a wedding planner/photographer wishing happy birthday to someone she worked with.  Funny that you all posted “happy birthday” posts to him and you have never met him but when someone who knows him does the exact same thing, you guys attack.) 

ajw720 I wonder if Katie wishes all the brides and all the grooms she takes pics of a happy birthday? (You DID the same thing- you wrote him a HB post and reblogged a dozen others) 

sandandfoamworld When you have to sell something, you need to make it credible even if what you are selling is utter shit and you know it.

To make said utter shit credible, you need to push and pull to show that even if it is utter shit, somehow it can work.

When you keep pushing and pushing and pushing but forget to pull every now and then, it means that you are trying way too hard, therefore it is not credible, therefore you will not sell it and you will also lose your credibility as a seller, because not only you tried to sell utter shit, you also failed at it (This is hilarious! more sanctimonious arrogance when nothing they believe is verifiable)  

anonymous asked: Any celeb photographer would have signed a 100 nda to not release any photos.. except of course in th case of d.. in this case she must have been paid to release photos...

Not to mention. Ever guest would have signed an NDA. But we’ve seen literally a hundred. Posted by the photographer and half the guests. And copious amounts of video. It’s insanity and so far from reality it’s unreal. And a year later it still doesn’t sell. But they have products to promote as nearly every aspect was a paid ad. And these are indisputable facts.

But they are private right nonnie?

klaineownsmysoul Huh. I don’t remember a new batch of photos being released on M’s bday last fall. She didn’t want to wish the bride a happy bday and thank her as well for making her year? I’m just shocked. Why in the world would single out D’s bday and not M? Is it because he’s the half with the career and followers and she can promote this farce to her advantage this way? No. That couldn’t possibly be it. It must be something else. (YES, IT IS BECAUSE HE’S FAMOUS. This is just plain old advertising 101. You promote your business by showing the best instances of your work and if you have photographed a celeb that- is even better. Everyone likes to use the vendors that celebs used. Katie posts several wedding pics a week and she tags the couple. I don’t see Darren’s b’day mention so that must have been a story which means it was something she didn’t intend to save. I am not sure how Katie’s post is any worse than Abby’s yearly “Dear Darren” letter)  

[jlf23tumble]

Fic rec anon here, I just read through your AU recs, and I need more, holy hell!? Do you have a similar list for canon fics? What are your favourite genres? You're one of the brave souls who posts about mpreg...what other kinks do you recommend?

Yessssssssss, a chance to do part two of my prison 25, fuck yeah!!! I edited this canon rec list down, and Jesus, that’s the hardest part of it. Luckily, I can save a lot of ‘em in other categories--and I have recs in just about any category, so lemme know if anything in particular floats your boat (I tend to bookmark/save in collections like mpreg, a/b/o, omorashi, daddy, toys, panties, phone sex, dirty talk, etc., but yeah, I can hook you up with allll kinds of fic, god bless the ao3 bookmark feature). 

I’ll put the full list under the cut, in length order...in lots of cases, the author has done many, MANY more, so I’ll highlight that, too! Enjoy! (Oh, and check out the postscript at the end, too...a lot of these are older, but if you want newer, just give me your parameters/needs, and I’ve gotcha, bb)

Hello, Heaven (you are tunnel-lined with yellow lights), by objectlesson, 2.9k words (E). Or, Louis buys Harry things sometimes.  (LISSSSSSSSSSSSSTEN, read every single fic Phoenix ever wrote, jfc, she’s so good, the stories are so good, and this particular one was a gift to me, so I’m biased, but it combines a lot of my fave kinks into one. I edited most of her stories in this fandom, which means I literally can’t pick a fave, they’re my step-children, but this one is noice)

so wicked in the way he moves, by ballsdeepinjesus, 3.6k words (E). Harry and Louis are parents at football practice. (don’t be scared; no kids, just hot van sex and banter, and this author EXCELS at sex/banter, so lots of gold here)

She Feels So Good, by zedi, 4.1k words (E). Louis knows that voice. Harry’s used that voice in his ear more times than Louis can count, said such sweet, naughty things while popping a hip out and pressing up against Louis. That’s the voice that comes out when Harry’s in a skirt, nails done and gestures soft and flirty. (Jumpsuit Harry on the Late Late Show)

like poison coursing through me, by orphan_account, 4.1k words (E). The one with copious dirty talk, Daddy Louis, and Harry wetting himself in the shower. (pee kink, but honestly, give it a try...it’s about desperation, and it’s so hot)

took me by the wrist, by tomlinzn, 4.2k words (E). harry's twenty-one; louis still loves him. there's birthday sex. (Hima’s legacy, god, it’s beautiful)

Take a Chance, Just Feed Me, by yeah_alright, 4.3k words (E). Louis needs some time alone with Marcel, and he’s hoping Harry will play along. (MARCEL COSPLAY)

Fertile Ground, by Blake, 4.4k words (E). Or, Harry doesn’t know what comes first: the lies that shape his want, or his want, which shapes the lies. He only knows that there’s lies, and want. And Louis, of course. (ANOTHER GOD-TIER PERSON TO READ EVERYTHING THEY’VE EVER WRITTEN, and this one has a big ole dose of angst, but it’s so fucking goooood, so real, sob)

You Don’t Need Me to Show You the Way, by LoadedGunn, 6.5k words (E). Or, 2011 fic where Harry rides dick for the first time and Louis appreciates technology. (X Factor era, and I think this was the fic that made me create a whole technology tag, lmaoooo)

Only Thing That Can Quench My Thirst, by eyesofshinigami, 6.5k words (E). Louis wouldn't exactly call it a thing, his newfound fascination with the curly trail that starts below Harry's bellybutton and disappears into his skinny jeans. It's definitely not a thing. It's just... Alright, maybe it's a thing. (the entire reason for pubefest2020, tbh, this is such a fave fic, sigh)

domesticated, by sky_reid, 6k words (E). nothing gets harry going quite like mentioning a marriage licence. (fluffy but still hot five times story)

Agent Provocateur, by orphan_account, 7k words (E). Harry looks like he's constantly about to drop into subspace when he's talking to Louis onstage. (you can kinda guess from the title, but this is panties panties panties, plus more)

let the only sound be the overflow, by sarcasticfluentry, 7.6k words (E; needs ao3 account). Harry and Louis explore new kinks while staying in Tokyo. (another AMAZING author, check out the rest of their fics; this one’s based on a specific video--read the notes--and you’ll never see Louis, Harry, or clothespins the same way again)

little black dress (it’s all right), by istajmaal, 8k words (E). harry is a girl sometimes. louis loves her all the time. (this one’s part of an ahead-of-its-time series featuring genderfluid harry)

horizontal like a quarter to three, by orphan_account, 8k words (E). The worst part is that Louis just wants to get really rough with him. He's wanted it right from the start, and it doesn't make sense, because Harry's always been so gentle and understanding and sweet, and yet all Louis wants to do is fuck him up. (some serious kink exploration nicely done)

give you my fever, by beautlouis @thelovejandles, 10k words (E). x-factor era. harry's never had an orgasm before, louis gives him his first (it is as it says, and it is INCREDIBLY hot/well done, as is everything beautlouis has ever written, immediately finish this one and then go read everything else)

shit, i still love you (still see you in my bed), by wankerville, 10.9k words (E). it's valentine's day and harry wants to be fucked in his gold boots. (another author I adore!!! this one is as it says, and wow, so visual)

Let Me Be Good for You, by onlyhuman, 11.9k words (E). Niall's only birthday wish is to go clubbing with his boys in Vegas. Harry ruins it all by wearing that god forsaken black sheer shirt. (I love some good hair-related porn!! This one features the bun, sigh)

Autumn at My Window, by TheCellarDoor, 20.4k words (E). a lot of pining, Louis' addiction to Harry's scent, and a whole lot of sexual tension that might just snap loose when they decide to spend some time together all on their own. (this is one of those canon-compliant AUs where you’re meant to ignore A LOT, but it’s still a good lil story with a lot of pining)

Maybe I Miss You series, by 13ways, 26k words (E).  Louis is on his way back to London after the Hits Live Birmingham concert. Harry is flying to New York for the Met Gala. They connect. (a newer series that does a good job of weaving in all kinds of real emotion for an ultimately happy ending)

Nothing You Can Do (But You Can Learn How to Be You in Time), by Teumessian, 28k words (E; needs ao3 account). Louis braids Harry’s hair. There are good times, bad times, fancy houses, supportive bandmates, secret boyfriends, small rebellions, bigger revolutions, some nail varnish, ribbons, cute clothing, and a Pinterest. (THE PINTEREST FIC!!!! and another admittedly canon-compliant semi-AU...but then again, most of them are, right?? idk, idk, i just know this one’s very visual and oh so soft)

(your heartbeat) rang true inside my bones, by flimsy, 32.9k words (E). Harry goes as Louis' date for a weekend wedding. He ends up taking the role a bit too seriously. (touch o angst, but it kind of is as it says)

Drifting, Weightless, by @dinosaursmate, 41k words (E). Harry and Louis are exes with benefits until they're not, and the Mediterranean Sea might just be the perfect place to work through some unresolved issues. (this is actually a really funny one, in addition to being emotional and hot, plus I for one would take a One Direction cruise when they get back together in 15 years, sob)

the dark and the dentist, by sunshiner, 66.2k words (E). An account of the events of November 2014. (there are actually a few really big monster fics/series that cover this particular time, but I occasionally skim this one because I like the flashes of random domesticity)

To the Ends of the Earth, by stylinsoncity, 68.4k words (E). During a yearlong hiatus, Louis visits Harry at his cabin in Idaho, where long-buried feelings ignite like the fire keeping them warm. (THE IDAHO CABIN FIC!! And if you haven’t read it in a while, check out the new epilogue from earlier this year...or buy the whole thing on Amazon! Another great one that’s emotional, angsty, soft, and hot, all in one snowball)

Untangle Me, by suicxne, 100k words (E). The one where Harry and Louis finally get it right. (this is another one where you have to ignore A LOT, but it’s like reading a beautiful movie, jesus, I’m still so weak for this fic!! One of the first ones I read in this fandom, and I still randomly think of it every now and again)

Obviously, lots of old and gold here, but that’s because it’s the canon all stars, or whatever...I love a TON of newer fic for all kinds of reasons, so if you need some recs, say the word!