#I would rather fucking kill myself than move back to Ohio I am dead fucking serious
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[to the tune of the Lego Movie’s “Everything is Awesome”]
Everything is stressful! 🙃
Every-thing causes anxiety! 🙃
Everything is stressful!! 🙃🙃
When you have ADHD! 🙃🙃🙃
#I can’t take this fucking roller coaster of a housing crisis much longer I’m going to fucking SCREAM#I don’t think I’m being unreasonable by setting a boundary after all the concessions I’ve made but now she wants to push to move in date#back?? HOW DO I KNOW UR EVEN GOING TO MOVE IN AT ALL#LITTLE MISS MONTH-TO-MONTH 😭😭😭💀💀💀💀💀#apple talks#to the tune of spam#alright tw time! here comes the suicidal thoughts!#so my last housemate moved out a few months ago and my parents have been helping me with rent since then#but it’s fucking expensive in California#and I’m struggling to a) find a new roommate b) find a new apartment or c) find a better paying job#the stress has literally been killing me I can’t fucking sleep I eat even less and I’m up with 4 am panic attacks!#and my parents don’t have infinite money! so on Xmas they threatened to pay a buttload of money to force me back to Ohio bc somehow THAT#expense is less than helping me with rent a little while longer#I would rather fucking kill myself than move back to Ohio I am dead fucking serious#bc it’s not ‘move in with my parents again’ it’s my parents paying a whole ass apartment of my own until I find an Ohio job (in THIS economy#??) it’s them paying to fly me my CATS and my stuff out there but not any of my furniture.#it’s being down the road from my father again which I cannot and WILL not do.#I fucking moved to Cali to get away from him. and if my mom would just divorce his ass I’d be no contact in a heartbeat#I cannot be financially dependent on him AND live within driving distance of him#and I absolutely do not want to put my cats through the stress of a plane ride! they can barely keep it together being locked in my room#while I’m at work for 1 day! not to mention I’d be dependent on my parents to drive me everywhere bc there’s not public transportation there#and I’ve been packing in case I have to move apartments or god forbid to ohio and it’s a blurry fucking line bw packing to move#and giving away all my shit in preparation to kill myself#and I FINALLY found a new very temporary roommate and I’ve made a fuck load of concessions for her to move in and I have to draw the fucking#line somewhere and this of all things has her wanting to push back move until February which makes me nervous bc what if she backs out? what#if I’m fucked? girlies if I stopped posting for days on end I am literally dead. pray for my cats to go to a good home bc I can’t fucking do#it anymore
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Mad Black Man.
INVOLVED: Mercedes Jones & Gerald Hutchinson TIME FRAME: 2018 LOCATION: Gerald’s Home, Los Angeles, California NOTES:
‘Hot damn she was fine.’ It was crazy, but the gunshot only added to her mystique. Men protected what they didn’t want another man to sample. And a bullet through the arm meant that pussy between her legs must be solid gold. “A drink?” Gerald offered, pouring himself a Coke.
The dress road her ass a little to much. And the cut down the front was a little to low. Mercedes needed to use the bait she had. And right now she needed this man distracted and malleable. She swayed across the room to the white leather L shaped couch. Her eyes caught his as she eased into the seat, crossing her legs. “No thank you.” She said moving the white, red and black throw pillow from behind her back, flinging it to the other end of the sectional.
She wasn’t slick though, wearing that fuck me dress. Gerald thought, topping off his drink. He sat the can down, and adjusted himself discreetly before moving out from behind the bar, glass in hand. He saw the bump of her belly, but what was that compared to the swell of her breast, or the jiggle of her ass? Trifles. Fucking her with that motherfuckers kid inside her seemed like justice to him. He spoke then, with the assurance of a man who knew he was right. “You want me to drop the charges” Gerald declared, as he sunk into his arm chair. His arm was on the mend. Luckily, he’d escaped any lasting damage. He rolled his shoulder working the stiffness out of it, eyes fixed on the woman in front of him.
There was something bold about his stride as she approached, that made Mercedes uncomfortable. She’d worked countless hours with this man and tonight was the first time he’d ever felt ominous to her. When he spoke, she swallowed a groan. Was this read Mercedes week? For the second time a man read her intentions without her saying a word. “Don’t do that Gerald…” She chastised, “I came to see how you were doing.”
“Fuck that!” Gerald spit, sucking his teeth. “If you were worried about my ass you would have shown up weeks ago.” He stood and moved to sit on the coffee table in front of the woman, looking down at her. “ So if I eliminate the bullshit then what is left is the truth.” He sat the drink down beside him, “You want me to let him off the hook.”
Mercedes shifted in her seat, smoothing the dress down over her exposed thighs, “Gerald.” Mercedes said patiently. She eyed him knowing full well there would be no subtle today. he was like a bloodhound. He had the scent and nothing was going to deter him, no matter what she said. Giving up pretense she exhaled, “What I can I say to make you change your mind.” She said breathly.
Gerald laughed, hand going to his shoulder, massaging it lightly. “Nothing… You know he’s a monster Mercedes?” He said to her with the air of a man speaking to a child. “He’s not the kind of man you need in your life baby. You have to know that…” He lean in and placed a hand on her thigh. “He shot me and for what a fucking post on Instagram? Nah, mama, I’m going to put him under the jail.”
“You don’t know him.” Mercedes said, settling in for a fight. “-You know he’s sick.” She pushed on, “What good would putting him in jail do? I’m not saying he shouldn’t pay…” She grabbed his fingers and squeezed them in her hand. “But we could find something better than jail time.”
Gerald shook his head disappointed in the woman in front of him. “What good would it do? It would give a black man justice in this fucked up system for once.” He spouted. “Not to mention it would get that mad dog off the streets.” He pulled his hand away from her and pointed to her with his pinky finger. “You need to see him for what he is. He's exploited you every step of the way and called it LOVE.” He said bitterly. “Women are so damn naive.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Mercedes asked tilting her head at the man. He was reaching for Jesus now. “Justice for black men... You are joking right?”
Gerald stood and moved back to his seat grabbing the book that rested on the end table beside him. He’d always assume this great mystery love of Mercedes was a black dude. Imagine his shock when he saw her on the red carpet with Tarzan. It grated him. He knocked down a few white girls in his day, but Mercedes was different, special. He tossed the book to the coffee table where in landed with a smack. He pointed to it. “Funny she begged for less while her round ass rippled in time with the forceful way the car rocked outside her mother’s house. She used her slick pink pussy to entice me along with light brown almond shaped eyes,“ He quoted, “He literally sold your most intimate moments and you still want to protect him, Maya.” He mocked angrily. “He owes you his life already but cheats on you like it’s his job. What are you going to offer me that slick pink pussy now too? -Become his literal hoe?”
Mercedes eyed the book face grieved as Gerald recited from its pages. She swallowed, a wave of nausea hitting her as she looked to the man. “We are all artist, or did you forget? My whole damn album is a homage to Samuel, but it’s cool as long as your pockets are getting fat?” She crossed her arms, a relation dawning on her. “You knew what the hell you were doing with that post Gerald.” Mercedes said getting to her feet. “You���re not a fool. You wanted to provoke him. You just didn’t think he would call your bluff.”
Gerald leaned in, “you damn right. What the fuck is a woman like you doing with a bumpkin from Ohio. I don’t give a damn how big that motherfucker is. You are too good for his sorry ass. Sad part, he knows it’s true. Worse part, you don’t think you are. But since you are so desperate to help out your master, then here is what I want in exchange for his freedom. You move into my house, become my woman and you tell Sammy boy, that baby you are carrying is mine.” He listed off without hesitation.
Mercedes looked aghast at the man, “Master? You’re turning this into a black and white thing? Your last girlfriend was white. “ she said, angrily. She missed a step and almost fell at his next comment. Her mouth tightened and her chest heaved up and down boiling. “I’m not lying to Sam.” She squeezed the words passed her thick lips, “He knows this is his child. How could you even want me to do something so underhanded.”
“It’s not the same thing.” Gerald said dismissing her anger. “Did you tell him you cheated too?” he asked watching her face.
Mercedes only stared her new found contempt for the man plain on her face. “That has nothing to do with this.” She said, fist clenched baring her teeth.
“Oh, I get it. You’d lie to save your own bouncy ass but not him? You know what they say baby girl, pride goes before the fall.” Now Gerald smirked, he knew he had her cornered. “You are going to do this or I’m going to tell him that baby isn’t has as they hall his ass off to jail.”
Mercedes touched her stomach, “And you call him the monster?” She hissed, rolling her neck. “You don’t have shit Gerald. I’ll tell him myself.” She said turning to leave.
Gerald wasn’t done yet. “You will do exactly what I said. Look here mama you don’t pull the trigger on a man unless you are willing to kill him. Well, I am not dead. But the minute your boy enters general population he will be. And he will die with the knowledge that I’m the one who did, it. Now I’m sure he’d rather lose you then his life any day. He gets to continue pimping you on the page. He’d get to see Mackie grow up. Hell, you could even let her live with him. And he get to continue running hoes. Like Captain Planet used to say, the power is yours.” Gerald eyes literally shined in triumphed . Samuel Evans thought he was the biggest, baddest motherfucker on the block. Hardly. He would show him better than he could tell him.
Mercedes froze in place as he laid out his plans. “You are bluffing. She said turning to look him in the face. Only his eyes said he was telling the whole truth. “And all of this was to help me? You are a sick twisted man.” She said, voice low and scared.
“Nah, I’m your savior, your just to blinded by wavy, blond locks to see it. You can go, but I want you here before the trial starts or the deal is off.” Gerald stood then and moved out of the room running his hand over her stomach as he went. “I’ll be a good daddy. You’ll see.” And then one day he’d tell Samuel just how hard he’d been played.
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