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bugb1t35 · 15 days ago

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Sebastian solace x reader

Summary: What happens if you give a suicidal person the ability to come back from death time and time again, completely ok? Physically at least. Sebastian doesn't want to know.

Trigger warnings and content warnings: suicide, suicidal ideation, self harm and some graphic descriptions of death. Angst with a happy ending.

Genre: angst with a happy ending, hurt/comfort

Read on AO3 or down below :3

Word count: 6205

Author note

There will always be someone there. You are never alone and you are loved. Please remember that.

Also please ignore the spelling mistakes if there are any it is 7 am when I am posting this. Also I'm on mobile so possible weird formatting I'm sorry </3

The cold in the room bites at you, filling your lungs with a gasp as you open your eyes. The burning that consumed every inch of your body just seconds before is gone just as fast as the manilla folder slaps down on the desk in front of you, barely illuminated by a light from above. This feels different from the other deaths.

You wonder what snide remark you're gonna hear this time.

“A void mass? Really?”

You spare a glance up at him, glowing white eyes peering down at you, completely void of emotion. Completely unreadable. You give a meek shrug. It's not like you have to explain yourself to him, and you're already feeling a lot better than before. Lighter.

Like you can let yourself breathe.

“I tripped up. I heard an angler and hid without checking.”

His stare is still empty as ever, his tail shifts around somewhere in the dark room around you as he snickers and leans in a tiny bit closer. Just enough to see that fanged smile.

“Try not to be so careless next time, yeah? Wouldn't want urbanshade taking their brightest expendable out of the program.”

Normally the thought would send a chill through your veins, you’d give a snide remark back and then you’d be on your way to start another life, start another loop, and repeat the cycle all over again.

You don't have it in you to do that this time, so you smile up at Sebastian and bid him farewell, closing the folder and your eyes.

When you open them, you're back in the lobby. Other expendables rushing around, submarines docking and leaving, and the sound of rushing water flooding through the cave hidden port as you look out at the waterfall blocking the entrance that hides it from the view of any unsuspecting soul.

Standing up and dusting yourself off, you make your way to a dock.

The cycle begins anew.

—

Cold air rushing into your lungs, dim light illuminating a folder on the table, a hearty laugh. The same story once again. The searing on your skin is gone, now replaced by a soft tingling.

It's not entirely unpleasant.

A claw emerges from the dark and flips open the folder, circling the photo of a landmine slowly and tauntingly.

“Tsk tsk tsk. So careless. A mine in the middle of the hallway? I thought you were better than this expendable.”

The name is said low and slowly, certainly drawn out to mock you of the position you hold. You couldn't care less, this is the best you've felt in a while.

Your eyes skim through the page, not really caring about mines in particular, but it's something you'll be able to think about later on a slow run.

“Thanks for the info Sebastian! I’ll be heading out now.”

Your voice is awfully cheery for someone who was just blown to bits, but before he can say anything you're already sending him a smile and wave as you close the folder and blink away in an instant, back to the lobby.

Sebastian sits there for a moment longer than he should have, glancing down at the file still on the desk.

There's no way you hadn't seen that mine in front of you.

—

By the time you're at the 8th death from something he deems completely avoidable, Sebastian sits with the file already open on the table and eyes narrowed down at you as your body jerks back to life.

You can feel the hole that pierced through your body closing up, flesh mending and muscle regrowing underneath your jumpsuit. It burns, yet you're still grinning ear to ear.

“Beautiful day for some runs, isn't it Sebastian?”

He stares down at you with a glare, sounding incredibly unimpressed.

“You walked directly into a searchlight’s spotlight.”

For the first time, you catch something in his eyes, but it's gone before you can put a name to it.

“Just what exactly are you playing at here expendable? Some stupid idea that if you die enough times in such meaningless ways you'll be pulled from the program? That urbanshade will think you're too useless so they let you free from here only to go back to death row? Once you're here, you're here for good.”

His voice is practically snarling at you as you look at the papers on the desk in front of you before looking back up at him, pulling out your best sheepish laugh.

Letting him know wouldn't do anything.

“I guess I've just been off my game recently, but that doesn't matter. I just come back every time anyway’

You smile up at him with that same stupid smile, the one you’ve made every time for the past 7 deaths before this and close the folder, disappearing before he can get a word in once again.

A growl bubbles up in his throat that turns into an agitated scream as he swipes the folder and lamp off the desk, sending them crashing down onto the floor.

You have to have a goal here. Some kind of weird thing you’re working towards, you wouldn't be dying so senselessly for nothing, would you?

You have almost everything in the files unredacted, you've been on so many runs he's lost count and you've gotten as far as anyone can go before being sent back to start again. What could you possibly be doing?

He grumbles as he picks up the folder and lamp off the floor, dropping the lamp on the table with no regard for it and cramming the file back into the locker.

You have normal runs where you die normal deaths like every other expendable down here, things that most people would slip up on. So why is it that these completely avoidable (and quite frankly stupid) deaths keep happening closer and closer together?

You had to be losing it. Running down seemingly endless halls, getting hunted by every living thing in this forsaken facility like it's a sport, feeling your body die all around you... After one day any normal person would be starting to feel the grips of insanity beginning to claw its way inside them.

He stops for a moment and sighs before quickly shaking it off and getting back to work.

No use wondering what that would imply for someone like him. He’s thought about it enough already.

—

Sebastian’s eyes peer down at you as you grab some batteries off of his desk, watching and waiting to see anything that could tip him off to what you were doing. Even the slightest change in your behavior from what he's used to, anything that could be useful in any way.

Whenever you get to his shop, you always stop and chat for a few minutes with a smile. That's been something that's never changed about you.

Even on your first day, terrified as all hell and trembling from head to toe as you stumbled your way through the vent to his shop, you still smiled and introduced yourself.

You don't seem as…energized…this run. Something he's been noticing a lot lately. Very avoidable mishaps are always what kill you when you're like this.

Maybe you're not paying attention as much as you should be because your mind is elsewhere.

But where else would it be besides this hellhole?

As you turn to grab the keycard and leave he huffs, picking the medkit off of his tail as you turn to look at him questioningly.

“You’re not gonna be getting past the generators in the shape you’re in. here.”

This is something he would never do, something that defies all morals he’s gained since he's been stuck in this hellhole.

“6% off. You look like you need it.” he sneers out, knowing fully well that it’s an act at this point.

You look up at him, hand hesitantly hovering over it. Sebastian never gives anyone discounts for any reason. Something’s wrong. He's onto you.you put on the best playful grin you can.

It hurts worse than any death you've experienced.

“The Sebastian I know would never accept anything for less than full price. What's the catch?”

“There is no catch, now take it and get out before I change my mind.”

He can see how the smile doesn't reach your eyes, how the fatigue is creeping its way into every inch of you, but you take the medkit and turn around before he can look closer.

You wave farewell and thank him without turning around, crawling out of the vent and making your way down the hallway. He hears the sound of the med kit lid clattering to the ground as your footsteps fade into the distance.

You make your way to the next room, body fully refreshed but mind still cloudy. It was nice of him to do that for you. He's not usually that nice. It makes you feel just a little bit less foggy.

The door shutters open with a metallic shriek as you make your way inside, only to see that a giant hole in the ground blocks most of the way, with small wooden planks laid out to form a narrow path over.

You haven't killed yourself while fully healed yet. Will that make it feel even better?

Almost like second nature at this point you walk over to the edge and step over with no hesitation or second thought, your body falling down into the abyss with a smile on your face.

You blank just before you hit the

ground.

You jolt awake a moment later, head pounding that quickly dulls into a fuzzy feeling, the relief of feeling better almost instantly washes over you.

Sebastian isn't happy to see you again so soon.

—

After the 24th death, he decides enough is enough. He waits a few minutes after you leave to put the vent cover back on the entrance to his shop and he hoists himself up to the ceiling rafters, sliding into one of the air ducts to follow after you without you knowing.

He was getting to the bottom of this, one way or another.

Banging in the vents was nothing abnormal in the blacksite, hell, it's hard to go 10 rooms without hearing someone screaming for their life.

Random thumps, footsteps or other sounds of unknown origin don't scare you anymore. Quite the opposite.

If there had been no sound here, you probably would’ve lost it much sooner. Going on runs by yourself can get lonely. You used to love venturing into the depths of the broken down site with other people. But you'd prefer it if no one saw what you've been up to.

But it's good to know there's other things down here with you.

No matter how fucked up they may be.

The safe room door slides open and you walk inside, beginning to search drawers and filing cabinets for the keycard to open the next room.

Sadly, this room didn't have a way you could end your own life in it, so you'd have to keep going if you wanted to find a way to make this awful feeling end.

You hear a jingle to your left as you look around, eventually ducking down and finding the keycard on the floor underneath a chair. A small but triumphant smile crosses your face. Finally, you wouldn't have to put up with this much longer. You could start a new, hopefully better run.

A run where you don't feel like there's a bottomless pit in your chest where your heart should be.

A run without something that sucks all of the good things out of life.

You’ve been saying that to yourself nearly every round now. It's only getting worse.

You grab the key card and make your way to the door, sliding it in and waiting for it to click. The door opens with the same loud metallic shriek every door here opens with and you stand in the entryway for just a moment, before you hear what sounds like music to your ears.

The sounds of turrets kicking to life

Painter's voice cuts in from over the speakers like an angel descended from heaven itself to save you.

“Better hope you're bulletproof, buddy!”

Sebastian watches from up in the vents, having been following you for around 10 minutes now. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary so far, it seemed like any other run; albeit a bit slower than normal pace.

The sound of turrets firing up was not something new to sebastian, he had heard painters splatter art therapy too many times to count at this point, even getting caught in it a time or two before the ai realized who it was shooting at.

He watched you as you stood at the doorway of the room, just outside of the turret's range. Most likely assessing the best path to get to the off switch.

You have the least amount of deaths from turrets, once even telling him that you find it fun. The ducking, weaving and adrenaline rush making it more like a game to you.

You should have no problem with this.

You take a step into the room and suddenly, something feels wrong. Horribly wrong. Without a moment's notice, you step directly into the moving turret's red beam of sight and it locks onto you, firing almost instantaneously.

He can only watch wide eyed in horror as bullets shred through your body in an instant, tearing flesh, ripping muscle and shattering bone. Your body crumbles to the floor in a matter of seconds.

When he sees your face, he feels beyond sick.

Blood gurgles out of your mouth, spilling down the sides of your cheeks next to tears. Your eyes are fully welled up, scleras turning bloodshot.

Worst of all, you're smiling.

The same smile you'd give to him when he had your favorite items in his shop. It was now twisted and warped, smeared in crimson that only sputtered out more and more when you let you a broken, drowned laugh.

He was completely frozen. He had seen so many bodies, he himself had killed so many, he's seen enough viscera and gore in this shit hole that it would make the world's most renowned biohazard cleanup crew resign permanently.

He’s committed atrocities against so many people, just wanting to survive down here and get out, same as him, so why…

Why did it feel so different now that he's seeing it happen to you?

He covers his mouth with his hand, suppressing the urge to vomit. He's seen expendables kill themselves before, he knows you’ve died horrible deaths before.

This shouldn't be any different!

But oh god…not like this…

Not with you…

Before he has the chance to keel over he blinks for the first time in what feels like years, and suddenly he's back in that oh so familiar dark room with a file in his hand and a shitty lamp barely illuminating the desk.

You're lying slumped in the chair across from him, how you appear after every death. Jumpsuit completely clean and tidy, all signs of blood are completely gone, and the bullet holes that riddle your skin are stitching themselves back up as if nothing had ever happened.

As if what he just saw was nothing but a horrible dream.

His eyes are still wide and jaw agape as you twitch to life, gasping in air, you sit and breath for a moment before looking up at him with the brightest smile and wave he's ever seen from you

“Turrets got me this time! Guess I got a little too ambitious when I was heading for the off switch!”

Your voice is so cheerful it's sickening now. He's never felt like this before. He can't move, he can't talk, he can only sit and stare in horror.

You look up at Sebastian, seeing him frozen like this is certainly new. You wave your hand in front of him, and when all you get in response is his mouth moving with no words you reach and grab the folder from his hands with no retaliation from him, too caught up in your own glee to notice the fear in his eyes.

You kick your feet back and forth and smile, humming a little as you browse over the file.

He swears he can still see the blood on your lips.

“Ok, well I'll see you next run Sebastian! Take care!”

you close the folder and just like that, youre gone from him once again

He stares at the folder on the desk before turning and looking at the file cabinets surrounding him.

How many times had you killed yourself and played it off as normal deaths?

How long has this truly been going on for? Had you been purposefully putting yourself in dangers way this entire time and only recently started ending your own life yourself?

Have you been doing it yourself this whole time and just gotten worse and worse the more it progressed?

All he knows is that he can't let it continue.

He can't.

—

You crawl through the vent into Sebastian's shop, standing up with a stretch and popping your back. You take a moment to stretch the rest of your limbs before moving over to Sebastian, giving him your best wave and smile.

“Hey Sebastian! Whatcha got in store for me today?”

He seems more tense than usual as he flicks his tail over to you, showcasing the stock for today. You idly chat about whatever you can think of as you make your choice, picking up some batteries and a flash beacon.

You bid farewell and turn to leave, but before you can even make it halfway across the room Sebastian flicks his tail again, this time slamming the vent cover back into place. You flinch a little from the loud noise and turn to him confused.

“I think we need to have a talk, friend.”

He sounds incredibly pissed and immediately you are racking your brain for anything you could’ve done to make him angry. You're too lost in thought to notice him leaning down to your level until his hands are gripping your shoulders.

“So, how many times now have you killed yourself on purpose? And why?”

His claws sink into your shoulder, not enough to break skin, but enough to be very aware of them.

You freeze, every muscle in your body tensing as your heart begins to speed up. He wasn't supposed to find out. How did he find out? You need to think of something to get out of this and fast.

He shouldn't know about this.

“Killing myself..? Sebastian, why would I kill myself? I've got enough things trying to kill me as is! I haven't been doing it on purpose!”

You try to play it off with a chuckle and force yourself to smile. It's not like this is about anything serious, or something that would matter to him.

He scowls at you, anger flickering in his eyes as his tail thuds against the ground in restrained anger.

“No one happily walks in front of a turret and then laughs about the fact they're bleeding out on the floor.”

Shit. Shit shit shit SHIT. He saw you?!? Not good not good not good NOT GOOD. he's probably going to think you're crazy and hate you. He'll be disgusted with you forever and never want to be near you again. You have to salvage this somehow. You have to.

“I was just so excited to see you…?”

“Wrong. Try again”

You fidget uncomfortably, looking anywhere but him. This is bad. How could you possibly make this seem like a normal thing??

“Why do you need to know? It doesn't involve you”

His grip tightens on your shoulders and you swallow nervously.

“It does involve me when i'm the one who deals with you every time you die.”

Your hands are shaking now as your eyes begin to water. Why did it have to go like this? Why did this have to happen? This shouldn't involve him at all, he's stressed enough as is.he shouldn't have to deal with you. You're being pathetic. Why couldn't you have just stayed dead on one of your attempts? This isn't fair. It isn't fair it isn't fair it isn't-

You didn't even realize you had started crying until Sebastian says your name. Not expendable, not buddy, not friend. Your actual name.

All at once, everything breaks and your legs give out underneath you with a sob, his hands quickly move under your arms to catch you and set you on the floor gently, making sure you don't fall.

Your sobs begin to grow louder as you grab your arms, nails digging into your flesh to try and calm yourself down as blood begins to pool at the openings of the new wounds.

Sebastian's eyes widen with shock and before you can do anything more in your panicked state, he grabs your hands, holding them above your head. You jerk back in retaliation to try and free yourself before quickly giving up, unable to do anything.

“I-”

you try to sputter out, choking on your own sobs.

“i -i dont-”

you sniffle and hiccup, unable to get more than a few words out at a time.

Sebastian moves his free hand to your face, wiping the tears away from your eyes. He squeezes your blood soaked hands gently.

“It's fine, take your time. I'm not going anywhere”

You stare at him teary eyed in silence for a moment before letting out a long and broken whine, more tears spilling over your eyes. This was wrong. You shouldn't be letting him see this. He's being too gentle with you. You don't deserve this.

“Jesus, if i knew that's how you'd react i would've said something else”

Sebastian forces a chuckle, trying anything to try and distract you from what you're feeling.

But his voice is quiet, as if he wanted no one else in the world to hear it but you.

You take a shaky breath, you have to get him away from you. He doesn't deserve to be put through this.

“I...”

Your voice trembles as you speak, your words almost completely unintelligible.

“I...hate you. I dont…I don't want to be near you.”

If you tell him you hate him, he’ll leave. He’ll leave and never talk to you again and he won't have to be burdened with you and your dumb problems ever again. He can figure out a way to escape and be free and happy without you constantly bothering him.

Sure you'll be miserable without him, you love him. But your feelings don't matter, not when it comes to him. His happiness is much more important. He'd be much better off without you

“You hate me, huh?”

His voice is dripping with sarcasm, enough to make you aggravated as you glare up at him. Why isn't he taking this seriously? Why isn't he leaving you?

“Y-yes! I…i hate you..! I hate you Sebastian! I never want to see you again! Get away from me!”

The words leave a nasty taste in your mouth and an even worse feeling in your chest. You didn't mean any of this. You could never hate him. But you have to, to keep him safe.

He stares at you, barely reacting to your outburst. His eyes narrow as he leans closer to you, his eyes never leaving yours.

“No you don't.”

He says it so calmly, as if it were a fact everyone knew. Disbelief and frustration bubble up inside you as you try to shake his grip off of you, planting a foot on his chest to try and push him away from you. Your efforts are completely in vain as he keeps you in place without so much as even moving when you struggle.

“What do you mean I don't?! That's not for you to decide!”

“If you actually hated me, you wouldn't make such a pitiful face when saying it.”

He flicks you on the forehead right between your eyes as he says it, and you stare at him with wide eyes and jaw agape. Why won't he just believe you?

“I hate-”

“Nope. Try again.”

“I ha-”

“Nah”

“I-”

“Wrong.”

You let out a scream in frustration, tears of anger running down your face now. Why won't he just let you do this for him?!

“Now, are you gonna tell me what's actually going on?”

You turn your head away now. If he wants to play like that, you can play like that too. You'll just sit here in silence until he gets fed up with you and leaves. This is what's best for him.

You both sit in silence for a moment before he asks again, once again being met with silence. He groans in annoyance. Why did you have to be so stubborn?

The hand that was once wiping your tears away grabs your face, forcing you to turn and look at him

“Just tell me what's wrong god dammit!”

A baffled and angry sound escapes you as you try to wiggle your face out of his grip, but he only pulls you closer. He presses his forehead to yours, eyes piercing into you like they were trying to dig into your very soul.

You try to look anywhere else that isn't him, but he jerks your face to make your eyes meet him anyway. There's no escaping it this time.

“Im- I'm not going to burden you with this Sebastian! It doesn't involve you!”

He raises an eyebrow at this, backing away from you a bit but still keeping a firm hold on your face.

“You think you're going to burden me? Is that it?”

You scowl. What doesn't he understand?

“Of course It would burden you! You already have so much shit to deal with and I'm not gonna let my pathetic problems weigh you down more!”

Shit. You probably shouldn't have said that. He stares at you silently before letting go of your face and bringing your hands to your lap, squeezing them in his. His thumb rubs the back of your hand, the gesture making nausea and pain shoot through you.

“Are you actually stupid enough to think it would burden me?”

Because you can refute the insult, he holds a finger up to your mouth to shush you.

“You're one of the few things in this shitty place that doesnt burden me. If the only actual person I gave a damn about is hurting, then I want to know.”

You can feel your heart skip a beat at his words, but you try to shake it off.

no no no NO!.. this…this isn't right..! He shouldn't have to worry about someone like you! You're being pathetic!

“Don't tell me what is and isn't right. I've seen plenty of people being pathetic, and you aren't one of them. Especially not now”

Fuck, did you really say that out loud? You would cry more from embarrassment at this whole ordeal, but you've run out of tears by now.

You sniffle quietly, your voice coming out quiet and broken.

“I don't…I don't deserve you, Sebastian…”

Sebastian reels back, a confused look crossing his face as the fins on the sides of his head dropping down a bit to match.

Slowly, a snicker leaves him. Then another, until it becomes full on laughter. You didn't deserve him?? He's never heard something more ridiculous.

You stare at him confused as he laughs, his laughter only growing lower and harder, even bringing up a hand to wipe away a tear forming.

What is even happening right now…?

It takes a moment but he takes a deep breath in and out to recollect himself.

“You don't deserve me? I'm a monster! I mean, just look at me! Do you even know how many people I've killed? How many deaths I've caused?”

He chuckles to himself, but your eyes widen, panic growing on your face as you pull your hands out of his grasp. Instead, you clasp his hands together in yours as you practically lunge forward towards him. He flinches back from the sudden movement but otherwise stays still as he looks down at the most desperate face he's ever seen anyone make.

“No no no! You're not a monster! You're amazing Sebastian! Even with everything that's happened to you, you still help people! You let everyone and everything that was trapped in the black site out and even now you're trying to figure out a way to get painter out with you too! A monster wouldn't do that! Of course I don't deserve someone as selfless as you!”

The pure desperation to get him to understand you makes his heart drop. Why the hell is he the one getting nervous now? This is supposed to be about you for god's sake.

He opens his mouth to respond but before he can get the chance, you're already talking again.

“You run a shop when you don't have to, you could leave everyone to fend for themselves but you don't! Hell, you didn't even get anything at all from the dead drop shop and you still run it! You're amazing Sebastian! I could never ask someone like you to worry about someone like me!”

This time he's the one cutting you off before you can start talking again, an agitated look on his face.

“Woah woah hey- you don't deserve me? What the actual hell are you talking about? I've seen you give med kits to people who were barely bruised while you were bleeding out! I've seen you jump in front of people to take bullets so they wouldn't have to, seen you shove people into the last locker while you took the full force of pandemonium charging at you! When someone is hurt or sad, you're always the first person there to help! What in the everloving hell are you saying you don't deserve me?! I Don't deserve YOU.”

You begin to stammer something out before he holds up a hand, gesturing at you to stop for a moment. He pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs before looking back up at you

“Ok look, we’re not going to get anywhere like this and how I feel right now is irrelevant because you have been CONTINUOUSLY KILLING YOURSELF-”

He cuts himself off, taking a breath to calm himself before continuing

“And I care about you, which you can't change, no matter how much you want to. So for now, you are going to sit here and promise me that you will stop hurting yourself.”

He looks down at you and god, he's never wanted to take on someone else's pain as much as he does right now.

Your eyes are wide and bloodshot with tear stains on your face, your hair is messy and your arms are covered in now drying blood. If it were anyone else, they'd look pathetic to him. But it's not anyone else, it's you.

His heart clenches at the thought. He wishes he could take you away from here, shield you from all the horrors of this place. Protect you from every horrible thing you think about yourself. But for now, this is the best he can do.

“Do you think you can do that for me?”

Your name on his voice is enough to ease the pain of everything for a moment, but you hesitate.

Sebastian notices immediately, placing a claw under your chin and guiding you to look up at him.

“Listen, here's what we’re gonna do. I'm going to give you a walkie talkie, and the moment you feel any urge to hurt yourself you call me and I will come get you. If you can't use the walkie for any reason, you will find painter and tell him and I will come get you. Do you understand”

You swallow nervously, shame burning in your chest. You really don't deserve this, but there's no point in arguing with him anymore.

“Ok I um….I… I promise.”

You look away as you say it, not being able to bear how humiliating this feels.

“I see you every time you die, so I'll know if you don't tell me.”

“Ok, I understand.”

“And so help me god if I learn you threw yourself into danger I WILL-”

“Ok ok I get it! I won't!”

You grumble to yourself as he smirks, clearly proud of himself. This is the worst. You shouldn't be happy about this, that he cares about you enough to do this. How selfish you are-

“Now you are going to sit here and tell me about alllllll of the good things about yourself”

Wait, what?

Before you can object, or even ask what he means by that, he's moving his hands under your arms and picking you up as you shriek in surprise.

He moves his tail, curling it so you can sit comfortably on it as he drops you down on it before plucking a med kit off of one of the bags on his tail.

The med kit pops open with a click and he holds a hand out at you expectantly. Completely baffled, you rest one of your arms in his grip, his hand almost the size of your entire forearm.

Sebastian pops a bottle of antiseptic open and pours it onto a cotton pad before bringing it to your arm, holding it just above one of the self-inflicted scratches.

“Now, tell me one of the reasons you deserve to be cared for.”

“What-? Sebastian I'm not gonna-”

You hiss in pain as he dabs the rag over a cut, the antiseptic stinging the wound. He glances up at you expectantly.

“Ok ok um-....”

You sit in silence for an embarrassingly long time as you try to come up with anything good about yourself. Even with the things Sebastian told you earlier, it's still hard to believe you deserve any of this

“I'm…I care about others and always try to help when I can…?”

It comes out more like a question than anything else. You glance at him nervously as he nods and let's put a hum of approval, telling you to keep going as he grabs a roll of bandages and begins to wrap it around your arm.

This is going to be difficult.

You swallow nervously, your mind almost fully blanking.

“I'm a good person…?”

“Don't say it like a question, say it like you mean it.”

You tense up slightly at how…soft…he sounds. Your chest tightens and a lump forms in your throat. This is all way too...intimate. You think you might pass out if it goes on for any longer. Despite this, you push forward and try to be a bit more confident.

“I'm…a good person. ”

“Good.”

He lets your arm go, gently, grabbing your other one and beginning the same process of cleaning and bandaging it again. Your heart flutters at the praise and the touch.

“I can't stop you from caring about me, even if I want to, so I might as well let it happen.”

You sound defeated when you say it, like you just lost a battle but Sebastian is pleased to hear it.

“There you go, now you're getting it.”

He hums with approval and your face flushes as you look away. This is the worst. You're enjoying this way too much.

Despite every inch of you screaming at you, calling you selfish and undeserving, you feel your eyes begin to shut for longer and longer with each blink, your body getting heavier and your nerves beginning to calm down.

“I deserve to be cared for”

You can feel yourself starting to drift to sleep, and at this point you're far too exhausted to try and fight it. Sebastian finishes tying the last bandage when he notices. He puts everything back into the med kit and shuts it gently before setting it on the ground.

He shifts his tail so it's wrapped around you now, you mumble something incoherent in protest before getting comfortable again. His heart feels full for the first time in years as he looks at you.

“Rest well, ok? I know it's hard to believe but I..”

He trails off, debating on the best way to phrase it, or if he should even tell you right now.

You barely manage to open your eyes as you look up at him questioningly, still trying your best to listen to what he has to say. He can feel his heart stutter in his chest.

“I…I care about you. Get some rest, okay? You need it.”

What he wants to say is teetering on the tip of his tongue, begging to be spoken into existence, but he doesn't want to drop that on you right now. It can be said another day.

As sleep begins to take you, against his better judgement, Sebastian leans down and presses a small kiss to your forehead.

That's good enough for now

Ending note:

I haven't seen many things explore the fact that in pressure you come back completely fine after every death so I wanted to try my hand at writing it based on my emotions and experiences.

I am perfectly fine actually but a few months ago when I originally wrote this I was having the worst time of my life, but now that I'm better I decided to revisit it and edit it a bit.

Please remember you are never alone, there is always someone willing to help.

And don't forget dear reader, Sebastian loves you very much, even if he can't say it yet <3

#sebastain solace #sebastian solace x reader #sebastian solace x you #pressure roblox #pressure #pressure x reader #hurt/comfort #fanfiction #pressure fanfic #i dont know if this fic is coherent but i hope it is #nervous cause this is only my second ever fic #i'll lock in on my other one i prommy #the ao3 curse got me thats why i havent been writing #this is to get back into the groove of writing #i hope you enjoy! :3 #i also hope i didnt completely mischaracterize him #pressure sebastian #sebastian solace pressure

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moonstruckme · 14 days ago

Note

sobbed at my work today because a higher up basically shot down all my ideas to shadow another department because my reasons weren’t good enough. wanting to learn is good enough thank u. (i have like 5 pages worth of reasons btw. in mla format…). feeling better now cuz his reputation is shit apparently but if you have time, could you write something like this with maybe sirius or remus? ur choice. pls don’t be pressured to write.

on the other note ur fics always cheer me up so thank you for your service! 🫡

I'm sorry you felt so put out lovely! Hope you're feeling a bit better now, thanks for requesting <3

Remus Lupin x fem!reader ♡ 748 words

You can tell Remus knows from the moment you get home. He sits up in his chair and watches you with sad eyes as you take off your shoes. You must be radiating defeat.

“Hi,” he says gently. “How’d it go?”

“We’re not doing it.”

“Any of it?”

You shake your head, sullen.

Your boyfriend gives you a pitying look. “Oh, lovely. Come here.”

You’re determined not to cry while you go. Not at Remus’ sympathetic tone, or the concerned little dent between his eyebrows, or the stapled pages of bullet points you leave sitting uselessly on the floor by your bag. You breathe slow and controlled as Remus folds you into his side and ignore the heat in your sinuses.

He kisses your cheek, rubbing it gently with his thumb.

“What?”

“Did you have a cry earlier?” Remus murmurs. At your questioning look, he explains, “There’s a bit of makeup on your cheek.”

Your eyes fill up quick and hot. So much for not crying. “I thought I got it all off.” Your voice comes out a jagged squeak. You bury your face in Remus’ jumper.

“Dovey, it’s okay. It’s hardly anything.” His hand covers your nape, thumb stroking the baby hairs at the base of your head. “What happened, hm?”

“It was so—so embarrassing,” you sniffle. The words jolt out of you in short hiccups. “He made me feel stupid for even asking. He said none of my reasons were good enough.”

“None of them? Did he read them all?”

“He barely looked.”

There’s a pause, then a small bounce underneath you. You wait for your boyfriend to respond, presumably with sympathy or some thought about how you might be more persuasive on your next attempt. It takes you a handful of seconds to register that Remus is laughing. Breathy, poorly suppressed little chuckles that shake his frame beneath you.

You sit up to look at him, bemused and maybe a little wounded. He pulls you back in with a hand on your head.

“Sorry. God, I’m sorry.” Remus kisses your head, still snickering. “I’m just trying to picture this man—you said he was in his forties, yeah? So a man nearly twice your age, needing to put down the low-ranking employees at his work just to make himself feel big.”

You frown at him. “What do you mean?”

“I just…” Remus’ tongue pokes into his cheek, a sure sign that he’s trying to keep a much larger grin at bay. “He’s so clearly jealous of you.”

You feel your eyebrows shoot up. You sit up again, and this time Remus lets you, his hand dropping to your hip. “Of me,” you repeat. You tend to consider your boyfriend rather insightful for a man, but you think he may have finally lost it.

“Don’t look at me like that.” Remus squeezes your side. His look softens. “I just don’t think your boss’ actions really speak to someone who’s secure and happy with himself, or with his life. He’s a rank above you at a job he’s worked far longer than you have. Meanwhile, you’re younger, and tenacious, and you clearly have all these great ideas. It seems to me like he’s threatened by you.”

“Oh,” you murmur. “That’s quite sad, actually.”

“Didn’t you say he was a bellend?”

Your lips twitch. “I said my coworker said he was a bellend.”

“Mm, even so. I can’t muster up very much sympathy for him.” Remus kisses the corner of your lips that had moved. “He made my girl cry, so.”

Your amusement shrivels at the memory. “It really was embarrassing,” you say quietly. Remus looks into your eyes, his own warm and sweet as honey. “I mostly cried in the bathroom, but some people saw.”

Remus wipes the dampness from your lashes with the tip of his finger. His hand coasts down the slope of your neck to your shoulder and back up again, soothing. “Everyone there knows your boss is an arse,” he tells you. “More importantly, they know you’re smart and that you work hard. I’m sure they riddled out what happened, sweetheart.”

You press your lips together to keep from crying again. Remus tsks.

“Even if this bloke is threatened by how good you are, you’re still all those things. It’ll pay off.”

“You don’t have to say that,” you whisper.

“I don’t,” Remus agrees. “It will, though. Not every boss you have will be as dense as this one, lovely. It’ll pay off eventually.”

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in-another-april · 1 year ago

Note

spencer being a menace and distracting his s/o while they're working because he's clingy and wants attention hehe

summary/prompt + genre - Spencer misses you while you're working :( | fluff

warnings - none

wc - 505

notes - aaaaa cute cute cute :( this got so longgg, im experimenting with different formats since i got kinda tired of just blurbs and hcs but if this flops i'll stick to what i know!!

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

In Spencer's defense, he really does try to give you your space. He's spent the majority of the day on the couch, reading book after book to keep himself busy, while you've been holed up in the bedroom working.

He's a few pages into his 8th (or was it his 9th?? 10th? He's lost count at this point) book, when he reads something that makes him think of you. Smiling, he turns to your usual spot on the couch to share it with you, only then remembering that you're not there. Then it hits him.

He misses you.

He quickly decides to check in on you, just to see how it's going and make sure you're not overworking yourself. Yeah, that's it. No ulterior motive there at all, he swears.

He makes his way to the bedroom and knocks gently on the doorframe, shuffling in after hearing your "come in." Wordlessly, he climbs onto the bed next to you, leaving just enough space to not distract you while also satisfying his need to be close. He places a hand on your knee, entirely self-indulgent.

You ask him what's up, eyes never leaving your papers, and he pouts at the lack of attention. A part of him knows he should feel silly for being so clingy, but another, bigger part of him is too wrapped up in his love for you to care.

He only supplies a "missed you," casually shrugging his shoulders like it's the simplest thing in the world. You bite your lip, trying (and failing) to hold back a smile. Cute. He's so cute, and you're so tired, and god, a break does sound nice...

But, you really do have to finish this.

"Missed you, too, angel." You concede, placing your hand on top of his. "Just give me a few more minutes, then I'm all yours." You offer, and he nods quickly in return, eagerly awaiting the moment where he'll have you all to himself again. Your eyes shift back to your work, continuing where you left off,

His thumb brushes along your knee, hand trailing up just slightly, and you feel your resolve crumbling. Still you make a feeble attempt to stay responsible.

"Spencer." You warn, weakly glaring at him

"What?" He feigns innocence, voice soft. "I'm not doing anything." It's a lie, you know it, and he knows you know it. As much as you'd hate to let him win, one look into his soft, lovesick eyes makes you decide that if this is what defeat entails, you guess you wouldn't really mind losing.

You sigh dramatically, pushing your books aside and opening your arms for him. His doesn't miss a beat, moving to close the gap between you almost instantly.

He falls unceremoniously into your lap, wrapping his arms around your middle and burying his face in your neck. You give in, reaching to brush your fingers through his hair. You feel his victorious smirk against your skin and roll your eyes fondly.

Your work can wait, you’re sure.

masterlist | inbox ← requests open! ♡

taglist - @lover-of-books-and-tea @maskysluvr @aurorsworld @wisteriaspencer @radioactiveinvisible @mandarinmoons @spencereidapologist @lyd14k4y @luvkatryna @khxna @flow33didontsmoke (send an ask or message to be added/removed!)

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds x reader #spencer x reader #spencer reid fluff #x reader #reid x reader

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arcanistsanctum · 4 months ago

Text

‎‎‌‏‏. Reverse:1999 Resource Guide

These are links to some of the archives, lorecrafters and guidemakers that I follow and regard highly for their expertise, dedication, and contributions to the community. Making this list is also for my convenience.

If you know other sources, please share them! I will edit the post and add them here. Maybe one day I will also contribute to transcripts on a separate blog. We don't have enough of such precious records for a heavily lore and story-based game! Feel free to share your lorecrafting website/blog/channel too!

Archives

Websites/Blogsites

Huiji (CN) - CN Fanwiki, written in CN, with consistent updates. Really goated. Gamekee (CN) - Another CN Fanwiki, also written in CN. Some pages may not be updated. Arcanist Sanctum (Global) - That's us! R1999 Logs (Global) - Has some main, event and anecdote story transcripts. Reverse: 1999 Wiki (Global) - EN Fanwiki. They may be behind on working through some profiles, records and transcripts. UTTU Merui (Global and CN) - The website is also WIP. But it is shaping to contain news (including EN translations for CN updates), character profiles, story transcripts, music list, timeline, and I believe recorded CGs too.

Repositories

Myssal's Assets Repository (CN) - In-game assets. It has everything. Myssal just that goated. reverse 1999 png (CN) - PNGs/cutouts telegram. Russian language but you can use character tags by clicking on pinned message. They accept requests, but you probably will have to ask them in Russian. Their cutouts can be accessed and downloaded by going through post comments. Posts with arrows. reverserenders (Global) - official art renders tumblr blog. They accept requests!

Documents

Abyss_Idiot's links (Global) - Transcripts, archives and general lore. Actually lots of records done by several Discord members. May not be updated. As of making this list, I haven't seen anything from 2.0 onwards.

Youtube

八咫烏_Merui (CN & Global) - Event and main story playthroughs without commentary Reverse: 1999 Timekeeper (Global) - They have everything recorded. And I mean everything. Reverse 1999 Archive (Global) - On hiatus (?), they pretty much covered event and main stories up to Notes on Shuori.

Lorecrafting & Story Analysis

Youtube

Apeironite - Pretty chill format. Interesting in-depth analyses. As of now, I don't know any other YT content creator who tackles on game lore as much as he has. FructoseTolerant - While there have yet many Reverse:1999 character analysis content in her channel, once she does post one, it's really good. I recommend watching and listening to her thoughts!

Guidemakers

Websites/Blogsites

Prydwen (CN & Global) - Tierlists, psychube recs and character guides Gnomon (Global) - I am in-love with this website tbh. Has all character information, including sprites! Effect descriptions, material sources and descriptions, resonance build (up to R15), psychube recs, team recs, and very easy to follow guide on how to play each character + rotations! Also has information on series of dusks artefacts and mechanics, reveries in the rain guides, and tips for mane's bulletin! GAAAAAHHH!

Documents

Discord Community Tierlist (CN) - Tierlists, calculators, builds. Likely where most of the global theorycrafting started. bluforest's Scuffed Page for Recommended Resonance Layouts (CN) - Also has resonance codes! Spiritzhl's Unit Build Guide (CN) - Psychubes, resonance, portrays, reveries and euphoria info, critter rehabilitation guide. Arcalive Reverse 1999 (outdated) - Written in KR. Resonance and psychube recommendations, calculators.

Youtube

Jakazin (CN & Global) - Comprehensive character guides Devibul (CN) - Puzzle guides, character showcases Destroth (Global) - Comprehensive character guides, showcases

Useful Tools

Kornblume (CN & Global) - Character planning and summoning history Closure++ (CN) - Planning and calculations, and written in CN. Here's MaTeIriA's guide to using it if you can't understand CN like me. It does have a built-in EN language option but it doesn't work for me. I don't know if it works for you. Depending on your device, you may also have to zoom out to see the entire page. Timekeeper (Global) - Summon tracking

#resource guide #reverse 1999

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doggyspeakart · 3 months ago

Text

✩ Make your own Kyrii Plushie ✩

Thank you @free-sewing-patterns and @jestersneopia for asking so kindly for me to release my pattern dupe! :3 These guys are very intricate little plushies so I did my best to make something comprehensive. I also made detailed instructions which I will include after the readmore, so long post ahead!

McD's Plush Kyrii

What you will need:

•The two included images printed on 8.5"x11" (A4/Letter) paper.

•Enough of your desired Fabrics (reference the pattern size on your paper, you don't really need much at all)

✩ I recommend a short pile faux fur or other nonstretch fabric for the two body colors, and a long pile (1-4cm) faux fur for the mane and tail.

✩ You can also make the mane and tail using yarn or doll hair wefts by attaching them (sewn or glued) to a backing fabric like cotton or felt.

•Scissors or precision knife to cut fabric.

•Sewing implements (needle, pins, thimble, thread scissors, etc.)

•Thread matching one or both of your body color fabrics.

•black thread or embroidery floss for the mouth embroidery.

✩embroidery floss or thread in your desired eye colors (recommended a white for sclera, an iris color, and a black for outlines)✩OR✩buttons or safety eyes in your desired size and color.

•Stuffing (two or three handfuls of polyfill will do the job)

✩ribbon or cord to use as arm tension band and/or a loop to clip hardware like keychains and backpack hangers.

((✩ optional ))

General note: default suggested stitch length is 3mm apart unless stated otherwise.

Step 1

Print out the pattern, making sure to format your printer to use the full page with no margins. Check print preview to be sure nothing is cut off. (I made the piece inventory sheet to sort of offset any default margin weirdness but I'm new to this so let me know if it messes up.)

Step 2

Conceptualize your design and gather your materials. Are you cloning one of the plushies already out there, or making your own design? It is always good to keep reference on hand during any art project!

What special design elements are you translating to plush form? Keep in mind this pattern is small and intricate and it might be easier to omit or simplify certain design elements if you are working from something more detailed.

The cutting guide assumes 1 base color, 1 accent color, and 1 fur color with no significant shape, size, or design difference to the original McD's plushie. (Only a few fixes for symmetry and fur direction.)

Step 3

Prepare your base material for cutting. If you are doing embroidery or applique designs this may be easier while the fabric is flat and whole. Same with fur wefting, do anything like that while you have one big piece of fabric to work with. Trace the pattern pieces using chalk, heat erase pen, or some other washable marking tool using the cut guide provided. (I recommend cutting out any shape you need to add details to from the pieces inventory page, then trace those pieces on your fabric in roughly the same positions as the cut guide page.) Then do any embroidery or details you need to do while the pattern is flat.

Embroidery tips:

• Use a stiff backing piece like interfacing or felt behind your fabric to make the embroidery more durable and stiff.

•Use a back stitch or chain for lines, line in color for crisp color-changes.

•Parallel vertical lines close together catch the light and read as blocks of color best.

•Don't use stitches that are too long or loose, build stitches up diagonally like a brick pattern instead, the key is to attempt to stay parallel.

•If you are using sewing thread instead of embroidery thread, use two or three strands at once to save time.

•When you are done, cut away your backing fabric/interfacing a little outside where your embroidery stops so as not to interfere with future seams.

Step 4

Cut out your materials. If you didn't need to trace from the pieces inventory for pre-cut details, then you can just pin the cut guide paper to your fabric and cut it directly. Otherwise simply follow your trace and cut out your pieces. Be sure to keep track of which pieces go on the left and right of your plushie.

Step 5

Begin assembly by sewing all your darts first, those will be on each side of your face, inner leg, arm bottom, belly, and back pieces. Follow the blue lines that appear anywhere that says "dart" and any sew lines that create a V-like dip in the perimeter of the piece (like the arm bottom and belly pieces). Fold the seam allowance inside your seam so that the right sides of the fabric end up with a clean, unnoticeable seam. I recommend a tight, short straight-stitch about 2mm apart on darts.

Step 6

Make the loose body parts.

Sew together ears, arms, and tail by placing right sides together and sewing around based on the solid black lines in the pattern.

•Each ear will have a base color piece and an accent color piece. Make sure their shape lines up so that right sides of the fabric are together. The ear pieces are fairly flat and their sew lines should line up perfectly. Use any stitch you are comfortable with, straight stitch about 3mm apart works just fine.

•Sew one top arm piece and one bottom arm piece together for each arm. The discrepancy in their shapes creates a slight twist that gives the arm part a tube-like shape. I recommend pinning the pieces at the ends and wrist first to get the tension/gathering correct on the arm part. Any stitch works but a straight stitch will probably be easier to keep track of tension with or to rip if you make a mistake and need to retry. Keep it tight, about 2mm apart.

•For the tail, sandwich your pieces right sides together so that all the fur is tucked inside and you can sew the edges with a secure stitch like a whip or back stitch.(about 3-4mm apart) You might need to pick or brush out the fibers if they get caught in the seam.

Once you finish each piece, flip it inside out, wrong sides should remain inside while the right sides of the fabric show and all seam allowance remains inside. If any edges are having trouble flipping inside out, use a thin tool like a crochet hook or chopstick to prod them from the inside.

Stuff the 2 arms until they hold a 3D shape, firm fill recommended. Leave the other pieces in this step unstuffed.

You should have two ears, two arms, and one fluffy tail.

Step 7

Shape the face.

With the dart now sewn into the cheek, the two seams with the || registration marks should be much closer in length. Line the seam up according to the marks and fudge the rest of the length using tension. I recommend using a ladder stitch on the right sides while keeping in mind the general size of the seam allowance.

Repeat on the other side.

When you are done, your face piece should have curvy cheeks.

Step 8

Build up the head.

Connect the forehead piece to the face piece, the curve's center goes right above the nose.

Sew in the chin piece along lower jaw.

There is a bit of leeway into how long the ears will be and which angle they stick out. For best results, give it a test right side out and pin where you like the ears to stay.

The ears go into the notches on the top of the face piece, about half of the ear should fit into that notch. Sew it into that notch, any remaining ear folds around that top seam towards the forehead and is stitched down to give the ear a slight curve that helps it remain upright.

When you're finished you should have the (bald) head.

Step 9

Construct the body.

Sew the two inner leg pieces onto the sides of the belly piece.

Sew the back pieces onto the belly and inner leg piece, leaving the arm notches alone to make the arm holes. Sew all the way around the inner leg and to the center line on the belly where the dart seam sits. There may be some overlap/extra on the back piece.

Sandwich the tail between the two back pieces and sew them together. You can adjust the angle of the tail before you sew it in, the original plushie has its tail sticking up behind the back. (Tip: if you fully close the tail seam you can use a loose couple of stitches to attach it to the body to make a hanging tail that wags when you pick up and shake the plushie.)

Your current parts should be a head, a body, two arms, and the hair piece.

Step 10

Attaching the hair piece to the head.

(OPTIONAL): First, if you want to add a keychain loop like the original plushies, snip two tiny holes into the backing of your hair piece about 6mm apart and feed a small length of cord or ribbon inside to create a loop on the outside.

Leave plenty of slack on the ends of the loop for a more sturdy hold.

Secure the loop and holes with a lot of sewing and/or glue to keep the fur fabric from fraying. Stitch down the ends of the cord/ribbon to the backing of your hair piece.

Start sewing the hair piece to the head beginning with the hairline along the forehead to get it nice and clean. Next sew across the ears and down the face piece on both sides.

Your head should now have hair, with the rest of the mane hanging down behind.

Step 11

Sew head to body.

Make sure the chin piece lines up to the belly piece, the bottom of the head should line up with the rest of the back piece on either side.

Next, sew down one side of the hair piece to the back piece, connecting the bottom edge to the seam near the tail and stopping.

Leave the other side seam of the hair piece open for arm adjustment and stuffing.

Step 12

Attach the arms.

Tension Band Explanation:

The original plushies have an arm tension band inside to keep the plushie's shape and seams intact when pulling on the arms. Generally I think this can be skipped without much issue, but could be a good idea if you plan to use this as a bag hanger or keychain plush, as the arms are the extremities most susceptible to getting caught on things, and when they are secured more comprehensibly they are less likely to rip the plush apart when yanked. Not a big deal if you just plan to keep them around the house.

(OPTIONAL): If you want to install your own arm tension band, start with the plushie right-sides-out. Sew the band to one arm and pull it taught through the chest to the other arm, securing the tension band before sewing the arms into the body piece.

To sew the arms, be sure to pose them and pin them in place right-side out first. (originals usually have one arm down and the other up on their chins/waving, though they vary a lot and there are plenty of ways to position them for different expressions.)

Then, either turn insideout again or ladder stitch the arms into place.

Almost there! You should have all your pattern pieces together at this point.

Step 13

Stuffing the plushie.

Make sure your plushie is right side out, with no incorrect seams or holes other than one of the seams between the hair piece and back piece. If you need to, gently prod a crochet hook or chopstick along the backs of seams to turn them out.

OPTIONAL: To make a weighted plush, add a small mesh bag of plastic pellets or weight of your choice to the bottom of the plushie before stuffing.

Add in your polyfill, pillow fluff, yarn fibers, scraps, or whatever you decide to stuff the plushie with, paying attention to the density of the stuffing.

I recommend keeping the head and feet more densely stuffed to keep their shape while leaving the body a bit more loose for a squishable belly.

Step 14

Close up the last seam.

Using a ladder stitch, close up your last seam, pulling tight and tying off your thread at the end for a clean, invisible seam.

Now that all the seams are in, you can now brush or pick any long fibers from the hair and tail out of the seams.

The plushie is whole! You can keep it like it is, or do some thread sculpting for a more finished look!

Step 15

Thread Sculpting.

(OPTIONAL):

Using thread in the color of your body fabrics, you can pull tension at various points to create a more sculpted shape. The original had two through the face (vertically through the chin up behind the forehead, and horizontally between the corners of the eyes), and two over top of each hand and foot to look like the separation of the toes. See the original pattern pieces for precise placement.

And that's it! You should have a finished plush kyrii!

If you have any questions or concerns please contact doggyspeak. Feel free to use this pattern, share it, or edit it with or without credit.

PLEASE DO NOT SELL THIS PATTERN OR INSTRUCTIONS! IT IS BOTH NOT ORIGINALLY DESIGNED BY ME AND ALSO SOMETHING I'VE WORKED VERY HARD ON!

If you would like to see more pattern reconstructions from me, show me your finished plushies and provide feedback and suggestions to me. I would love to see what you have made and hear what you'd like to see next! ^o^

#neopets #Next time I make a new kyrii plush I will snap pictures of each step to add to the instructions!#doggyspeakart #plushie #plushie pattern #sewing patterns #bootleg #thanks for your patience I got over an illness 2 weeks ago and have spent most of my free days since then doing dentist or house stuff!!

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muffinlance · 11 months ago

Note

would you mind talking about how you (currently) back up fanfics to read when AO3 is down? I've been thinking about trying it myself (now that I have a hard disk with enough space) but I have no idea how.

Le current system (all programs are free):

Get yourself Calibre (available for every OS)

Install the FanFicFare plugin, which allows you to go to any page on AO3 (and dozens of other sites) and download every fic there in the background while you do other things with your life

Profit. AKA: Archive every fic you even vaguely like because fics are text-based and take up barely any space, and calibre allows searching by tags similarly to AO3. I personally just bookmark everything I read and liked, and then periodically run FanFicFare on my newest bookmark pages. There is really no need to be discriminating here; I have never regretted having Moar Fics, and calibre makes things exceptionally searchable (and you can customize the tags once you've downloaded, for further fic findability)

When I was on Windows I preferred AO3downloader, which runs on Python and can go through all your bookmarks without input from you (FanFicFare needs to be told what the next page is; AO3 Downloader just starts at page 1 and goes until the page you tell it to stop on); AO3 Downloader also uses AO3's original download format (it literally just automates hitting the site's download button), whereas FanFicFare does a custom output (which you can tweak if desired, but it will never be exactly the same. Note that it works totally fine out of the box I'm just grumpy it's not Exactly The Same.) I couldn't get AO3 Downloader working on Linux, alas.

(If anyone knows how to get AO3 Downloader working on Linux Mint, or knows a calibre plugin that just automates clicking the AO3 download button, do please let me know.)

#Fanfiction #Fanfic #ao3 #Back up them fics kids you won't regret it #I've been doing this less than a year and already some of the works I've backed up have been deleted or orphaned #But they live forever on my computer and my back up USBs

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askerror87 · 8 days ago

Text

Why it's important that Ramb isn't an American plug.

I know this is pedantic but I've been seeing a lot of otherwise great posts about Ramb that don't quite get that Ramb being British isn't a simple quirky throwaway nonsense detail. He's not British just for the sake of it- there’s a really important reason for that that actually says a lot about him as a character and why he ended up like this. I originally wrote this out as a reblogged response to this post but I realized that this was going to need a visual aid.

Most of the Plugboys we see in Chapter 2 are not only visibly supposed to remind you of a cat, but they are distinctly designed off of the Type B outlet that most Americans would be familiar with. (Note that Ramb's eyes, while still rectangular, are rounder and softer thanks to the eyebrows and beauty marks/ eyelashes/ smile lines/ however you want to interpret these pixels.)

[Image ID: Some Deltarune screenshots and pictures of electrical plugs. Descriptions in alt text. /End ID]

(Obviously, we see a variety of expressions from them throughout the game, which seem to primarily take inspiration from Type A, B, G, and possibly I outlets)

[Image ID: More sprites of the Plugboy with various expressions of stress and surprise, and a whole list of outlet types for comparison, all of which looking like faces. /End ID]

Ramb, however, is designed to be Like the Chapter Two Plugboys But Different BECAUSE he isn’t an American Outlet.

He’s a Type K power strip that Kris and Azzy stole from the Library.

Type Ks are distinct because of the roundness of their first two prongs and the semi-circle curvature of the third, giving them that signature ‘smile’ that Type Bs inherently lack because of how their plugs are shaped. They are also, as you may have guessed, very much European. (Type Ks, as pointed out to me by my friend @strangeandinteresting, are outlets that are primarily used in Denmark, but that they "do also reckon that a Danish accent would be harder to do in written format like that, so for the intents of him seeming 'other' the British (Specifically London, cockney(?)) accent is perfect". I grew up using Type K and other circular plugs, so my working theory is Toby primarily wanted to use a plug type that was distinctly From Europe first and foremost, and had the furthest possible 'expression' from a Type B.)

Ramb isn’t British and a Dog just for the sake of it- he’s Designed Like That because while Type Bs and Type Ks are visually very similar, they are inherently incompatible. You can’t put a European plug into an American outlet and vice versa for a variety of reasons, primarily because you will probably fry the thing you’re trying to plug in. To explain this as simply as possible, British (and other European) plugs are created in such a way where they include their own fuse (which is why the head is so big). Inherently, they are simply a more powerful and superior device because of how they are made. He’s also very portable because of this- power strips are supposed to allow you to Put More Things In Them.

As you can imagine, though… this is only the case if there’s actually something FOR THEM TO PLUG INTO. Whoever ordered Ramb (possibly Miss Boom) accidentally bought the wrong type of power strip. That’s also probably why no one from the Cyber World ever said anything about him- why he was never missed by anyone.

We see this foreshadowed by the Spamton Sweepstakes and its 2025 update. What’s the URL allowing us to access the greenroom page? /ramb. And yet, all traces of him are missing in it… beyond the door that Ramb guards for Kris stating plainly that ‘No one will shed a tear for him.’

Almost like he no longer served a purpose, no? Almost like he vanished without a trace???

This seemingly very small detail about his accent is actually one of many ways Toby gives us an indicator of him Not Belonging and to be able to cement it in this way by accent and character design alone is so good I’m going to explode-

He's supposed to be a shopkeeper but that job was delegated to a vending machine because Tenna didn’t want him handling POINTs. He's supposed to work the green room but he quit. He's supposed to be in the computer lab but no one noticed or cared that he went missing- nobody mentioned him in Chapter 2, nobody mentions him after you go to your Castle Town in Chapter 4. He has all the markings of a secret boss, talking about freedom, chaos, and remarking about big shots, and facilitates play via a game (games are supposed to be fun, don't let it feel like a job, okay?). AND YET-

He doesn’t give you a shadow crystal. No, that’s for the REAL secret boss. He doesn’t give you an item. That’s for the other REAL secret boss.

Something, SOMEONE, meant to be extremely helpful deprived of a use.

Jesus Christ is Toby good at making characters.

Bonus: if werewires are meant to be dogs-

Does that mean if Ramb was to be plugged in his werewire design would be more catlike? (Thank you to @gogogoat495 for the ID!)

#max says things #chroama don't look #deltarune #deltarune spoilers #deltarune chapter 3 #delrarune chapter 3 spoilers #ramb #deltarune ramb #don’t look max is talking about that plug again #i originally just made this as a reblog #but it's long enough that it should probably just be its own seperate post lmao #i am very normal about this power strip guys #image described #image description in alt

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eunnieboo · 9 months ago

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IYHM ask replies! (2/3)

🌸 @csevet asked:

hi my copy of iyhm just came in and my fiancee and i snuggled up and read the whole thing cover to cover and CRIED!!! i love when lesbians 💕💞💝💗💝💗💘💞💖💗💝

AHHHHH thank you SO much!!! OMGGGGG 🥺 live laugh lesbian..... 💞💗💖💕💖💞💕💖💗

🌸 @chrysalis-the-butterfly asked:

I read If You'll Have Me a few months ago and I loved it! Your art is so pretty and Momo and PG are such cool characters! 🥰 If you're okay with sharing, I'd be interested to hear what inspired you during the creative process? Were there any pieces of media or any other characters which influenced the formation of Momo and PG? Or did you do your own thing?

oh my gosh! thank you!! i really love character interactions and relationship dynamics, so i wanted to depict two girls who seemed like opposites - one cool and laid-back, the other soft and sweet. after a while they started to take on a life of their own, and i thought it'd be wonderful if their story could evoke the feeling of a shoujo romance!

i had a lot of things on my mind when i wrote the script... friendship, intimacy, communication... communication can be so hard! sometimes it's harder with someone you're close to because their opinion is so important to you. and what happens when you've got a character who's non-confrontational and has low self-esteem + someone who prefers actions over words, and would rather burn bridges than admit to feeling vulnerable? how would they get past that? i wanted to write their flaws as believable, and how their life experiences have shaped the way they think about themselves / the way they respond to personal conflict... but also how they learn from each other and grow ❤️ tysm for the question!!

@bisexualgoof asked:

Hi Eunnie! I just finished reading “If You’ll Have Me” and let me tell you, it was spectacular! I saw it in a local bookstore the other day and it was a no brainer to grab. The characters are so fun, the story is beautiful and heartfelt, and honestly every character is attractive… I especially fell in love with the pages of the books without words, especially 312-313, it made me cry. Such beautiful art! I related to PG’s annoyance with her long hair, I felt very seen with her comments. I’ve definitely said “I’d like to forget” so many times myself, right to my butch heart haha. Thank you for sharing this story with the world, and thank you in particularly for your acknowledgment at the end of the book, it made me feel seen. What an amazing love story, hope to see more of this adorable couple in the future!

oh my goodness!! this is so lovely and wonderful and ahhh T_T thank you so very much. it's such a dream, having these girls be out in the world with their personalities and backstories revealed at last! and i'm so happy to hear about the cast and side characters, i love designing people hehe ♥ i'll definitely keep drawing this couple, alongside more sapphic couples that are to come 😍 thank you!!

🌸 @skittles-rainbow-cat asked:

HI HI HI!!! you’ve been one of my fave artists forever and i just got done with iyhm and it’s sooooo amazing im in love with it. also i think strawberry blonde by chloe moriondo fits mono and pg very well :] i hope you’re having a good day and thank you for all your art it heals me in many ways <3333

HIIII omg!!! thank you so much! this song is so cuteeee oh my gosh this line:

Takes my hand in hers when the lights aren’t on Smaller than mine and oh god I am gone

it's so sweet ;_; thank you forever, i hope you're having a wonderful day!! <3 <3 <3

🌸 @lord-of-the-froggies asked:

Howdy Eunnie! I know you're probably swamped with work right now, but I just wanna let you know that I got my copy of your book today!! I'm gonna start reading it right away, it looks and feels amazing. From a fellow Washington artist to another--congratulations on such a huge achievement!

yay hello fellow washingtonian! and fellow artist!! thank you so much for your kind words 🥺 and i'm so glad the book got to you safely! wishing you a happy read~

🌸 Anonymous asked:

I just found your art today and after scrolling through your stuff I went and pre-ordered your book. I'm so excited!!

omggg thank you that means so much!!! ;_; <3

🌸 @ddooyoung asked:

I got my (signed!) copy of the book, and I love it SO MUCH. It's everything I was hoping and more. I love finally getting to know them, especially Momo. Since the first time I saw them, I thought Momo was a lot like me and now I have confirmation 😆 Thank you so much for writing such a wonderful story!!! I'm excited for everything you do 💗

WAHH thank you so much!! yesss i'm so overjoyed to finally share their story after so long! i hope the signature turned out okay, i was very nervous signing books for the first time (shaky hand and everything) 😱 i think next time it would be fun to make a custom stamp and stamp a doodle next to my signature hehe. thank you again!!! 💕

🌸 Anonymous asked:

I somehow missed the news about your having created a whole damn book?? was just flipping through yu & me books's holiday gift guide and did a double take when I saw priscilla and momo!! zoomed in and sure enough, there was your name at the bottom! congrats on ihym and congrats on being featured on rec lists from shops as cool as yu & me 🎉😍

omggg thank you thank you!! 🥰 AHHH yu & me books looks so amazing! i've been to new york just once but if i ever get to go back i have to visit them... i'm always looking for indie bookstores to throw my money at 😤

🌸 Anonymous asked:

1. Will there be an “if you’ll have me” sequel? 2. Is Momo her full name or a Nick name? If it’s a Nick name what is her full name? Thank you i love your work! ❤️😊

ahh there's no sequel planned as of right now! but i'd love to make one if i get the chance... i have some ideas that i think would be fun <3 and momo gardner is her full name! i liked gardner because it made me think of flowers ☺️❤️ thank you so much!!

🌸 @upsidedown-shadow-dreamer asked:

Hello, long time fan here. If You'll Have Me was delivered an hour ago and I've already finished my first read. OMG it's AMAZING. I love the story, the beautiful art, the inner thoughts, the pacing, the page color changes for back story… Just major WOW. I hope you are so proud of this work. I'm already looking forward to reading it again. Thank you!!!

this is sooooo AHHHHH T_T i'm in tears. i can't tell you how happy and thrilled i am to hear this!!! it's so encouraging and uplifting and ahh!! i want to make more stories... and just knowing that this book will be read by the same person more than once, omg! it's truly the highest of praise. thank you from the bottom of my heart <333

🌸 Anonymous asked:

Hello!! I just remembered I could borrow graphic novels as e-books from my local library, found IYHM, devoured the entire thing in one sitting, then went through your tags so I could look at all your other IYHM art, and I was wondering if you'll make more stories about Momo and PG because I can't get enough of them! Absolutely obsessed with these two and I love seeing them so happy together 💖💖💖💖

hello!! oh i'm absolutely over the moon about this! i can definitely see myself making a follow-up book if i'm so lucky 🙏 but i'll keep on drawing more minicomics and illustrations no matter what!! thank you so much for this wonderful message 💕💕💕💕

🌸 Anonymous asked:

hi!! love love love your art!!! do you think we can expect to see another graphic novel about momo and priscilla in the future?

🌸 Anonymous asked:

I’ve read IYHM so many times already and I absolutely loved it!!!! Are you planning on writing another book with Momo and PG? Is is there a way we can buy more of your stories?

thank you both so much!!!! <3 a sequel is actually one of the ideas i pitched for my second book! my editor cautioned against it in case IYHM didn't perform well, so i ended up going in a different direction - but my fingers are crossed for future opportunities 😤 realistically, it will probably depend on sales... but for the record, i'd want to do one regardless of the numbers...

i have one more book coming out, which i'm working on right now! the timeline is a bit up in the air atm but i'll try to keep everyone posted. making a book is so slow but i'm so grateful to you all for waiting 🥺💛

🌸 @randomqueernoun asked:

Do you make webcomics for other apps/websites? If yes where can I find them and what do I search in them to find your comics?

ahh not at the moment! but thank you SO much for the interest! one of my biggest goals right now is to set up a website where i have all my work in one place, and that would definitely be the place where i post future webcomics 👀

also, just as an aside... i want to make webcomics so bad. i think after my next book, i might take a break from traditional publishing to do that. sometimes i can't believe i'm drawing hundreds of pages i can't post... i'm like, how are people supposed to read this if i can't show them? how will they know?! ahh it kills me... but yes... someday!!!

part 3 to come~

#iyhm #replies #csevet #chrysalis-the-butterfly #bisexualgoof #skittles-rainbow-cat #lord-of-the-froggies #ddooyoung #upsidedown-shadow-dreamer #randomqueernoun #anon

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ao3scrapesearch · 18 days ago

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Hiya! I know it's been a little while but I just wanted to let you know I finally got around to making the web version of that fic poisoning tool I made about a month ago. It's at https://tricksofloki.github.io/ficpoison.html if you're interested :)

OHOHOHO!

Alright, I gave this a little test on my own fic over here. Quick little review/notes for anyone interested! (But the tl;dr is that I approve based on my initial review of the original code and based on using this web tool to automate running the code.)

This version is super easy to use. I'll be honest; I was struggling trying to figure out how to run the code locally before because that is not a coding language I personally use, and this website takes out all of the hard part of doing that. You need to do the one time task of creating a work skin to enable the "poison" CSS used, and you need to make sure that work skin is enabled for any work you're going to use this on. The code to put into your work skin is available at the link. If you already have a work skin you use, you can just add this class to it. (I think the tutorial I linked to does a good job walking you through how, but I'm open to doing a tutorial on this blog if anyone wants that.)

If you're poisoning an existing fic, first have a backup copy. Once you poison it, that copy is going to be annoying to UN-poison if you ever want to, so you should keep a private copy on your PC or phone or wherever so you have the unpoisoned version available. Once you do this, your copy on AO3 is poisoned, and it would take a fair amount of effort to unpoison as the author. Upside: as the author, you can see all the CSS stuff in the background, so if you really need to unpoison a copy as the author with full access to it, it's not impossible. Just really annoying.

For reference, here's what I can see as the author with access to the edit page:

I can clearly see where the poison is if I really wanted to go back through and unpoison.

And here is what I can see in a copy scraped with nyuuzyou's code:

You can definitely see it's messed up by looking, but you don't see an active callout to where exactly the poison code is. Keep in mind that not every scraper uses the same code as nyuuzyou, and more sophisticated code may pull something more sophisticated than the plain text from nyuuzyou's tool. Other scrapers may be pulling fics with the formatting and everything, and I don't know exactly what that output looks like. Depending on what their output is, if they can see the class for the poison, they can pretty easily code something to remove it. That's me being overly conservative, I suspect. I haven't heard of any scrapers who have bothered with anything more than plain text, and this isn't an issue unless they're grabbing the full HTML. (Translation: From what I know, this is NOT an issue. Yet. So this is not a weakness of the poison tool. Yet.)

Based on the output, anyone who's doing a half decent job of cleaning up the data they scrape would toss my fic out of the dataset. It's full of what look like typos because the poison got placed mid-word, so it looks like I just suck at writing. If your goal is to get tossed out of the dataset, this is perfect. If a scraper isn't paying attention at all, you can contribute some really terrible training data if they leave your fic in the set because your poisoned fic is going to be full or words that don't even exist thanks to the word placement.

As far as using the tool, I used an existing fic. I went into the edit page for the chapter, scrolled to the bottom and left the text editor on the default HTML mode. I copied everything in that box. (Easy method: click into the box where you can type out the fic, and press "Ctrl" and "A" to select all, then "Ctrl" and "C" to copy.) I went to the tab with all-hail-trash-prince's tool, and I pasted it into the box on the left.

I clicked "Apply poison" and the poisoned fic appeared in the right box. I copied the poisoned fic from the right box, went back to my fic on AO3 with my custom work skin already enabled, and I pasted the poison fic in place of the original fic. I clicked the preview button to make sure it would look normal, and it did. So I clicked to update the chapter with the poison block included.

I loaded the chapter with the default Microsoft screen reader turned on, and it didn't read any of the poison data, only the real fic that is visible on the screen, so success there.

So that brings us to applying this to a brand new fic. For those, you're going to go through the motions of posting a fic as usual, but instead of clicking post when you're done, you're going to swap that text editing mode over to HTML and copy everything in there. Take it to the poison tool, paste it in, and grab your poisoned copy. Go back to AO3, make sure your poison work skin is enabled, and then replace the original fic with the poison fic, making sure to stay in the HTML editing mode while you do.

(Sneaky quick edit after posting: sometimes the tool leaves you with a dangling <p> or </p> or <em>. Make sure you always preview the chapter after poisoning it, and you can go back in to the rich text editor to delete any of the floating tags that were accidentally put in by the poison.)

The last downside I notice is that your word count is immediately wrong. My 34k fic looks like a 43k fic after poisoning the first 16k words. Technically, you don't have to tell people the true word count of your fic but like. That feels a little rude to the reader, so I think it would be kind to briefly put the true word count either at the bottom of your summary or in your first author's note.

To me, the downsides of having to create a custom work skin (that trash-prince has kindly already written for everyone) and having the wrong word count displayed... are nothing. In comparison to having my fic be easy to scrape, I'll take those slight downsides any day. From what I know of the current scraping landscape, this is a reasonably effective way to make your fic useless to anyone who scrapes it because people are out there that will be scraping AO3 again.

I'm curious to hear anyone else's thoughts if they check this tool out or try it for themselves, so don't be shy! I'm one person, so maybe I can't catch everything. If you're seeing something that I'm not, I want to hear about it.

And if anyone wants a more visual step by step, you are welcome to yell my way. If this text post is clear enough for everyone, I won't bother, but if a more visual walkthrough will help anyone, then I'm happy to do it!

EDIT: Just tossing in a summary of feedback I've seen from others below!

The tool is pulling from a list of most popular English words, which means it may add inappropriate verbiage to G-rated fics. See this ask for info. trash-prince has made adjustments based on the initial words spotted, but please kindly report any other concerning poison words you find, particularly slurs and other wording that cannot be interpreted in a SFW way.

#ao3 scrape #anti ai #data poisoning

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bogleech · 2 months ago

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Mortasheen is going to be four years late but so far every backer who's seen the preview book has loved it, compared to countless projects I've followed that went even further overtime and were disappointments. POST-KICKSTARTER TIMELINE SO FAR:

2021: spent on tons of new artwork of my own while organizing art from all the other illustrators I hired on, while also building, writing and formatting a prototype book myself. A lot of old material had to be redone, and a lot of brand new material was necessary. The team who had previously been developing gameplay took to the end of the year to get together the lore and worldbuilding materials on their end, which I didn't realize they had so heavily modified and expanded on from what I wrote a decade prior.

It had strayed a bit far from my concept of the setting, but had lots of good ideas as well, so I had to start a massive rewriting project to integrate everything together myself and make sure it all had a consistent tone and logic.

2022: I was still waiting on the actual gameplay mechanics themselves, which had been finished, but the dev team wanted to work out a new contract before sending them over. Their life schedule interfered with communication for months at a time, and I only got the mechanics later in the year. This contained the framework to build monsters and all their possible abilities thus far, but no builds for any specific monsters besides a sample for the player's guide. They were unable to confer with me regularly enough to stat the 100+ monsters I'd need, but I had shared the mechanics with a trusted enough friend who was really into the setting. By I think the end of fall, @gutsygills had already been playtesting and statting tons of creatures, so I made the decision to just hire her.

2023-2024: 160 monsters needed to be built from scratch while gutsy and others started running campaigns and playtesting vigorously, during which hundreds of things came up to edit, modify, add or remove about the system, specific monsters or specific abilities. Many issues coming up in the mechanics required new creatures or characters I had never thought of, especially a logical middle ground between completely defective "junk" monsters and powerful ones. I had essentially made too many of them too cool and grand, so we needed to give almost every monster class a few little mooks and goombas.

More worldbuilding, lore and fluff also needed modifying along the way to interplay with the rapid evolution of the system, which also necessitated me meticulously going over what I'd already written to scrap what wasn't working or wasn't that interesting.

2025: final playtests, massive final read-throughs and editing marathons to catch every last error or inconsistency, final polish on the last new monsters, gutsy writing a final guide to actually running a campaign with everything we've now developed, finishing the last necessary chapter on the setting's non-monster villains, and once we know the final page count for certain......we have to build the indexes, which is going to be pretty tedious, but that is going to be the very, very last thing to do. It's basically been entirely me doing an amount of work usually done by a larger team, until I hired one assistant whose job had to default to being just as huge. It's eaten so much of my time I feel like I aged at 5 times the normal rate...but I do feel like the end result is going to be worth it.

Once the book is out, we have to start working right away on the promised bonus book of all the backer-original monsters, and also start planning for the next book, which will be almost entirely more monsters.

#art #mortasheen

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serranodebergerac · 2 months ago

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My most ambitious bookbinding project to date, a gift for author Christopher Buehlman for his incredible book Between Two Fires.

More info and process below the cut!

Since the book is set during the 14th century, I really wanted to do a typeset that included semi-contemporary art as accents. Before even printing the book there was a lot of work to do in the typeset process, including researching the artwork for chapter pages and dropcaps, as well as the title page image, all taken from woodcuts from the 15th-16th century (most of them are from Hans Holbein the Younger). It's not quite the same time period as the story, but I liked the more austere look of old woodcuts to illuminated art from the 1300s.

After typesetting and formatting, it was time to print, fold, and sew!

Then trimming the sawtooth edges with a chisel...

...and gilding the edges, weaving faux double-core endbands, and painting a hidden fore-edge image that reveals itself only when the book is flexed. These were all Firsts for me, and while they are far from perfectly executed, I'm obsessed. Every book is getting gilded edges and fore-edge paintings now.

I really wanted this book to have a leather cover, both because I've been eager to try my first true leather case, and because it felt so fitting for the rough, Medieval vibes of the book itself. Unfortunately, I got influenced by my local leather supplier, who convinced me that dying my own leather was the way to go...

...and she was right 🙈 I love how much control over the color and texture of the finished leather I have this way, and I will definitely be using up this veg-tanned hide that I purchased for future projects.

The symbol on the front (matched on the back) is my own design, and meant to evoke a comet. The detail of the protagonist Thomás witnessing a comet in the sky, and thus standing between the fires of the heavens and earth, was one I wanted to emphasize for the title.

I'm so thoroughly proud of the finished project, hiccups and all, and I'm so eager to make more leatherbound books now. Thank you so much to Christopher Buehlman for his blessing in creating this bind, which is now safely within his possession!

#bookbinding #between two fires

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lovejongseob · 1 month ago

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hcs of jongseob in a secret relationship with idol reader plss🙏🏻🙏🏻 love your posts

Fall in love again

Yess, I hope you enjoy !! And thank you so much, you're so sweet !! Thank you for the request as well 🩷

Personal:

Look, there's a reason hes on his phone all the time. Unfortunately it's not often he can be with you in person. When you're constantly training, working, on different sets or shows, in meetings, being styled, travelling, touring, and too many more things to count.. You aren't left with a lot of free time.

Face timing you as much as possible. Even if it's just for the thirty seconds you two both happen to be switching shoots, or getting fast touch ups done, he's calling you right away. Jongseob just really needs to see your face and hear your voice. When he's finally home, he calls you while he works or cleans up. Pretends hes sleeping next to you while falling into unconsciousness on call.

Photos when possible throughout his day are sent to you. They're a little blurry and seem quickly taken, but you know he wouldn't have taken them if he didn't care. His favorite notifications are image attachments or audio messages from you.

When you have the time, he loves playing video games with you. Closest to being with you without actually being with you, in his opinion. Loves voice chat while interacting with your avatar. His favorite are any dress up games because he can see your personal style more, and Minecraft because it feels like having his own life and home with just you.

Supportive of your group ! Has your entire discography saved on literally every streaming platform, and memorized unreleased choreography. Respectfully friendly if he ever gets the chance to meet your group members. Has had a dream about attending one of your concerts. Your vocals or rapping are his alarm clock.

Jongseob may or may not be a secret fanboy. Even if he wasn't before meeting or dating you, he loves you way too much not to feel like hes a fan of yours. And he respects your talent and hard work so much, none of this is easy at all, so he finds you so admirable. Social media alt legend, multiple Tiktok folders, Pinterest boards, would probably be an ao3 guy but believe he has a Tumblr fan page. You can't make any alts with your name included, because hes taken all the usernames already.

Public:

Optimally, nothing would be public. Best case scenario, the fans wouldn't even think you know each other.

Compliments your music if your group ever gets brought up, but hes moving on quickly. If there are any specific questions on how he feels about your group, hes answering vaguely. For example, if hes asked his favorite song, he'd probably just say the most popular one, and read a new question right after. In reality, it's an unreleased demo they have no idea of.

If you are put in a situation where you need to interact, hes polite, but short. He adores you with everything he has in him, and that's why you both have to act this way. Neither of you give fans the chance to speculate, you don't stay around each other in public, and you only interact when it's professionally configurated.

Even though it's uncomfortable, and makes him upset that he can't be open about his care for you, he loves you and his group members too much to put your careers at risk. You've both put in so much work, so you both understand nothing out there is personal, only the special and fleeting moments you share are.

Bonus Texts:

I found all of these on Pinterest !!

the other guy he added was theo. im not shizoposting in the a/ns yet, however i did just delete a full paragraph of me actually losing it over titling and formatting. so the time will soon be upon us.

#jongseob x reader #kpop x reader #p1h x reader #p1harmony fanfic #p1harmony x reader #piwon x reader #jongseob fanfic #p1h fanfic #piwon fanfic #kpop fanfic #jongseob fluff #kpop fluff #p1h fluff #p1harmony fluff #piwon fluff

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sits-bound · 5 months ago

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Bound: Drarry as written by GallaPlacidia

It's hard to tell from photos, but this is a big ol' book.

Over 11 inches tall and 9 inches wide.

For scale, next to a "normal" sized book.

It is done! I say that like I worked on it for months. Really, it was a couple of weeks. I've had the idea for a while to make an anthology of all of GallaPlacidia's fics (because the individual binds I did aren't enough? I guess?) but when I started to put one together, I realized it would be waaaaay too long for one volume (all together it's around 450k words) and if I had to divide it up, well, that kind of defeated the purpose.)

But then. I got a wide format printer. And I realized I could make it big. Print it on 11x17 sheets of paper so that each page was 8.5x11 instead of 5.5x8.5 like a regular folio bind is. However, the printer does not auto duplex, so I had to hand feed each signature through the printer to get the reverse sides printed. Happily, I didn't screw it up once!

This does mean that the paper is long grain, not short grain, but with this size paper, I don't think it makes a huge difference in the finished bind. This is 20lb paper, and I also bought 28lb paper, so I can cut it in half to make short grain letter sized paper in a pinch.

The typeset came together fairly easily because I already had 12 of the 13 fics already set, so it was just a matter of copying and pasting and then ensuring the styles were consistent. I kept things fairly simple, using a fancy dropcap that gave a kind of illuminated manuscript feel and then a few swirly bits and bobs to fill in white space here and there. The end papers came from Paper Source, they're just perfect.

And check out those end bands! I inadvertently made them in Hogwarts house colors.

I mainly use precut book boards for my half-letter sized binds, so they weren't going to be big enough for this. I had a bit of leftover bookboard I had bought off Amazon, but it was thinner than I wanted, so I bought some art board and glued them together to make some really sturdy book boards.

The spine is bookcloth and the covers are paper that I printed on the laser printer and then used toner foil on. I did this instead of covering it all in bookcloth because then I would have had to use HTV and I probably would have lost my mind trying to decorate a case this big in HTV, particularly when I had such an elaborate design in mind. I sprayed it with a fixative and used metal corner protectors so hopefully it will wear okay.

Oh, and the spine was foiled using a foil quill and my silhouette. I was very pleased with how well it foiled. Of course I had to make it twice because I messed up the spacing the first time. OF COURSE.

And then I had to make the back cover three times but it's FINE. It all worked out. When I pressed it during my second attempt, I didn't put any scrap paper in the press to absorb moisture, so it got very wavy. Third time was the charm!

One interesting thing about making this bind (and why I don't really feel the need to repeat this experiment) is that many of my tools, like my punching cradle and the press I use when gluing and sewing endbands, were too small for this, so I had to improvise here and there. But it all worked out!

GallaPlacidia's fics are no longer on AO3 but there's a google drive of them here. And all of my binds of her fics are here.

#fanbinding #ficbinding #bookbinding #sits bound #drarry fic #gallaplacidia #drarry #big ol chonky book

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mingoner · 8 days ago

Text

spilled ink ⋆⭒˚.⋆ c. yeonjun

you began work at your university a year ago as an english literature professor only to find a fierce rival in writing composition professor choi yeonjun. endless literary debates cause sparks to fly until a professional betrayal extinguishes the flame, can a few nights together at an academic conference reignite said flame? or will the pages of your story be too burned to start again? notes: fem!reader, talks of gender and misogyny in academia, this is just me trying to channel my inner ali hazelwood wc: 3.3k

he has the biggest office on the floor designated for english professors at your university. he has the biggest office and you both started on the exact same day. he has the biggest office and he has the same amount of published works as you do. he has the biggest office and -

“but you have the corner office,” your friend and coworker taehyun reminded you, exasperated.

“that means nothing to me. i should have the biggest office, the corner office, even the whole goddamn floor just to really hit home the fact that i am better than him in every conceivable way,” you mutter, shoving your mug under the coffee machine in the break room.

“honestly at this point it’s kind of laughable how on the same level you guys are,” he replies happily, finding the situation quite funny after dealing with your complaints for a year now. “you have almost the same class enrollment numbers, off campus lecture requests, hell, you even have the same rating on ratemyprofessor!”

“don’t remind me,” you say, feeling your blood pressure rise yet again.

and speak of the devil.

“what a beautiful day today,” yeonjun basically shouts (he says at a normal volume), strolling into the break room like he owns it (he walks in normally).

you roll your eyes, grumble out an incoherent reply, and secretly flip him off behind his back as you leave the room (he can see you in the reflection of the microwave).

with you out of the room he turns to taehyun, "how is my biggest fan doing? her paper is getting published soon, right?"

"you sure do keep tabs well for someone who doesn't care," taehyun teased. "but yes, it just needs to get through peer reviewing and then it will be on its way to one of the biggest publishing houses in the country. but you already knew that."

yeonjun neither confirms nor denies it.

"while we're on that topic," teahyun keeps going, "i think we should talk about how you keep feeding into her bullshit idea that you two are mortal enemies when you've been telling me how beautiful her eyes are since the day you got hired here."

yeonjun's smile drops quickly, feeling completely called out.

"it's just a joke," yeonjun defends. "and you know what they say, there is a very thin line between love and hate," he says smugly, walking out of the room.

all taehyun can do at this point is roll his eyes.

yeonjun catches up to you in the hallway and follows you into your office.

"what do you want?" you ask blankly.

"actually i wanted to talk to you about your upcoming paper," yeonjun said. "taehyun let me read the copy you sent him and it is incredibly well done, the argument is clear and well-rounded and the evidence is strong, but you have some problems in the citation formatting. i thought i would bring them to your attention before -"

you cut him off. "i'm sorry, when did i ask for your feedback?" you ask coldly.

yeonjun blinks hard, a little startled by your hostile tone. "i mean i just wanted you to know before you submit for peer reviewing, they might flag it for plager-"

you cut him off once again, "i'll let you know if i ever need some shitty advice for something that doesn't concern you in the slightest again in the near future, but if that is all you wanted to say then goodbye, yeonjun."

he stands up and backs out of the room, quietly saying, "i'm sorry if i crossed a line," before closing the door behind him.

you sigh and rub your temples, the stress of getting this paper published was making you a lot bitchier than normal. you kind of felt bad for yeonjun getting caught in the crossfire. then, you thought about all the times men tried to add criticisms to your work that had more to do with their own egos than being of actual usefulness, so you stopped feeling bad pretty quickly.

⋆˙⟡

life continues as normal.

you teach your classes, laugh at yeonjun when you see him trip up the stairs to the lecture hall, grade your papers, glare at yeonjun when he eats the food you brought for lunch in the break room fridge, work on research papers, quietly yell at yeonjun when he sits too closely during department meetings.

everything is as normal when you're in your office and you finally hear back about the peer review feedback for your research paper. you weren't expecting it to have zero criticisms, but you also didn't expect to open the email and see that it was going to be flat out rejected and dismissed unless "serious concerns were addressed".

when you saw the listed concerns and the names of the peer reviewers, you felt a serious kind of anger start to fill your body.

you left your office in a huff and stormed down the hall to the biggest office on the floor, slamming it open and scaring a freshman right out of a meeting with yeonjun.

despite your terrible attitude you saw a smile spread across his face, until you shut the door behind you and pointed an accusatory finger at his chest.

"how dare you?" you say, feeling physically irate.

yeonjun just looks puzzled, "i'm not sure what you mean, would you like to sit down?" he tries before you continue.

"you rejected my paper! why would you do that?" you ask him, feeling betrayed even knowing how nonsensical that was. "i understand that we have this strange feud going on, but i never would have expected you to use it to professionally disrespect and undermine me. for what? what do you get out of this?" you ask, eyes now brimming with tears.

he looks taken aback, then angry, "is it so out of the realm of possibility to you that you actually did make a mistake? and that i tried to confront you with your citation mistake in private but you brushed me off? i am a professional and i will not have my name tied to a piece that could be indicted for plagiarism," he moves around his desk and starts to back you up towards the wall, chest heaving with poorly concealed anger. "you were the one who did not have enough professional respect for me to change or even entertain for a moment what i suggested in our private conversation, so i was forced to bring it up in a work setting. i am sorry that your paper was rejected, but it was rejected with the small clause that you would change the citations and all that the peer reviewers would have to do is check that one, singular part and your paper would then be accepted.

"and another thing," he says, finally able to get all of his frustrations off of his chest, "i do not have any kind of feud with you! i do not know where it could have started, but i think you just have too much pride to admit that we are equals. i understand as much as i can that being a woman in academia probably leads to a lot of undue rejection and professional undermining, but do not ascribe that kind of misogyny to my behavior, as we both know i have never seen you as anything less than a perfect equal."

yeonjun, seeing that he has backed you up against the wall, turns around and gives both of you space.

he continues while you are too shocked to reply, now unable to meet your eyes, "i always thought the little game you played was for fun, something you did with people you still had some respect for or had an inkling of friendship with. and i accepted it as you, in your own kind of twisted way, still showing me attention when it has been so obvious that i have been in love with you since i first read your paper on environmental theory in jane austen." you head shoots up to stare at him. "but maybe all this time my feelings have just made you uncomfortable, and maybe we should just try to avoid each other when we see one another on campus. i am truly sorry for any uncomfortable feelings i have made you feel during our acquaintance, but i will not apologize for how i acted professionally."

you stand completely still and silent, unable to get your mind to stop racing or your heart to stop beating so damn fast. he pauses for a few seconds, awaiting your reply. when it is obvious he is not getting any, he takes your silence as agreement and swiftly exits the room.

⋆˙⟡

over the next few weeks you grow a lot, thanks to his words. you sit down and parse through your citations list and find all of the errors related to you, plus a few more. you correct the mistakes, write a letter of apology and a list of your corrections to the board, and send your paper off once again to hopefully be accepted. and it is accepted, published, and received overwhelmingly well in your academic community.

once that monumental task is completed, you have a lot of time to sit and think. you think of the conversation you had with yeonjun where he tried to tell you of your mistake and how coldly you shut him down. you comb through every interaction you have ever had with him and look for any amount of disrespect on his end, only to find far too much on your side. you even dissect the first interaction you had with him, where you had decided you didn't like him because you thought he had an arrogant smile, just like all the men you have ever studied next to or worked with before. and from then on every other interaction saw your feelings of hatred grow, you would say because of his "smug little smirk", which turned out to just be a genuine smile.

with your professional mistake cleared, it is now up to you to correct the giant personal mistake you made and have been making for over a year now.

and it would help if you could just get yeonjun in a room alone.

for the past few weeks he has been actively avoiding you through any means possible and you felt sufficiently embarrassed enough to ignore his sudden ducks into his office, excuses out of the break room, and sudden turning and walking in the opposite direction from you on campus. however, now that you were hellbent on apologizing to him and you were beginning to understand that your feelings of "hatred" were actually romantic feelings wrapped in many layers of personal insecurity and frustration over the dynamics of gender in the workplace, he was showing himself to be an extremely difficult man to pin down.

that is until the head of the english department called you both into her office. you pretended not to notice the . . dramatic amount of space yeonjun was currently giving to you even though the office was not very big.

your boss looked at both of you wearily before saying, "there is an english conference at yale that we have been invited to, and because both of you have recently published papers that have been received quite well in the academic community and you both represent different fields, i want the two of you to go and present your research."

you hear yeonjun start to disagree, "ma'am i appreciate your wish to include me in this prestigious event, but i believe it is best for me to stay behind and continue working on my next project. i -"

she cuts him off, "professor choi, you have talked about wanting to attend this conference since we began talks of your employment here." she looked at him confusedly. "either way you can begin your project when you return, i have already sorted the details for you both to attend. you will leave in three weeks, during winter break so you will not have to worry about class coverage. i already inquired about your plans and was assured both of you have none," she muttered something under her breath that sounded suspiciously like 'losers', "so i trust neither of you have any other arguments? good, i will send you the details of the materials you need to prepare to present your research."

had he been ready to not attend a conference he has wanted to go to for years because he thought it would make you uncomfortable to have him there?

everyone pauses for a moment, you and yeonjun unsure of what to do next.

"you're dismissed," she says, waving you out of her office.

yeonjun rushes out, but before he can escape down the hallway and completely away from you, you grab his arm and he turns sharply to look at you, and his eyes focus on your hand on his elbow.

you let go quickly but try to say even quicker - before he can leave again, "i am excited. to attend the conference with you, i mean. i am excited to go to such a prestigious conference!" you don’t notice how firmly his feet are planted to the ground after you wordlessly indicated you wanted him to stay there.

he nods his head in understanding, you were excited for the conference, not necessarily his presence.

you could see that understanding flash through his eyes and made haste to correct it, "i mean it's a great opportunity! but i am happy that you are the one who is going too. i am happy that you will be there and that i will also be there too," you cut yourself off, cheeks flushing with the embarrassment of your word vomit, but you hope your meaning still pushes through.

a flicker of hope dances behind his guarded and weary expression. he nods again, "that is . . . i mean . . me too," he finally gets out.

you share a look and hope that everything you want to say, everything you will say is in it. then, you walk down the hall, leaving him planted exactly where you had wanted him to be.

⋆˙⟡ three weeks later ⋆˙⟡

you knew the budget wasn’t high for a few young professors to go to a conference for two days, but you thought you would at least get separate rooms.

once the receptionist thoroughly dashed away those dreams, you then thought surely the room must have been booked with two beds, one for each adult professional.

you were zero for two so far.

the first thing you notice when you open the hotel room door is the single bed. the second is yeonjun, standing there, jaw tightening as he sets down his bag.

“don’t look at me like that,” he says, eyes flickering to the lone bed before looking back at you. “i didn’t book it.”

you cross your arms over your conference badge, refusing to let your face betray how flustered you feel. “of course you didn’t. that would require foresight and planning skills. and the department credit card but i’m doubting our boss would give that to you and trust you to not spend hundreds of dollars on oat milk coffee creamer.”

a loud laugh escapes him and you try your best not to feel triumphant in making him laugh. you fail.

but now the two of you are reminded of your situation and the silence in the room is heavy, broken only by the low hum of the air conditioner as you both stare at the bed.

“alright,” you mutter, dragging your suitcase to the corner. “i’ll sleep on the floor.”

“you’re not sleeping on the floor.” he rubs the back of his neck, frustration and something softer in his eyes. “i’ll sleep on the floor.”

you hate that he says it so easily, like it’s obvious, like it’s nothing, and it makes your throat burn. because you haven’t forgotten the way you yelled at him last month in his office, shaking with humiliation when he called you out for the incorrect citations, and how he had looked you dead in the eyes and told you he was in love with you.

you even remember how you’d stood there completely silent, hurting him ten times worse, because what else could you do?

⋆˙⟡

that night, you lie rigid on the far edge of the bed, laptop balanced on your knees as you run through your presentation notes for the morning. yeonjun sits on the floor, back against the dresser, reading through a battered copy of middlemarch with a highlighter cap in his teeth.

“stop,” he says suddenly.

you look up. “stop what?”

“you’re mumbling the lines under your breath again, but you’re skipping words when you get nervous.”

you flush, snapping your laptop shut. “if you think you can do it better, by all means—”

“i don’t think i can do it better,” he says, dropping the book on the carpet. “i think you’re brilliant, and i hate watching you psych yourself out before you've given yourself a chance.”

your throat goes tight. “you don’t get to say that to me.”

“why? because i rejected your paper?” he stands, brushing off his sweatpants and moving closer. “i rejected it because you used a secondary citation without page numbers. you know that. you’re the best academic in our department, and you got careless because you’re overworking yourself.”

your breath halts. the words you’ve wanted to throw at him dissolve in your mouth as he stands over you, eyes soft, but there’s that same fire you’ve seen every time you’ve argued in faculty meetings.

“you think i’m cocky?” he says quietly. “i think you’re terrifying. and incredible. and I’ve been in love with you since the day you corrected my Shakespeare references in front of the entire graduate seminar.”

“yeonjun—”

he kneels, hands braced on the bed beside your hips. “you can hate me. you can yell at me again tomorrow if you need to. but i need you to know i meant it.”

the air between you is thick and heavy. the cheap hotel lamp hums in the corner, your laptop screen darkening to black.

“you don’t get to say that,” you whisper, eyes stinging, “not when you—”

“rejected your paper? called you out? you deserved better than me letting it pass so you’d like me.”

your eyes search his, and you find nothing but brutal honesty and that soft, desperate affection you’ve tried to ignore.

“say something,” he pleads.

you swallow, your fingers tightening on the comforter. “i hate you.”

“i know.”

“and I can’t stop thinking about you.”

yeonjun exhales shakily, his forehead pressing to yours. “i know.”

⋆˙⟡

you don’t kiss that night. you turn off the lamp, turning your back to him in the bed, and he lies there stiffly, leaving a careful distance between you. neither of you sleep.

at 3:00 a.m., you whisper, “yeonjun?”

his sleepy voice, low and soft in the dark: “yeah?”

“i don’t actually hate you.”

you can feel his smile even though you can’t see it.

“i know.”

⋆˙⟡

the next morning, as you adjust your microphone before your presentation at Yale, your eyes catch his in the crowd. he’s watching you with that same soft, annoyingly supportive expression, notebook in hand, pen ready.

you take a breath, steady your shaking hands, and begin, pretending your voice is strong. he’s the first to clap when you finish, the loudest in the auditorium, and when your eyes meet, there is nothing left to misunderstand—except what you’re both going to do about it.

you wonder what kind of gloating taehyun would do when he hears about the revelations made on this trip.

⋆˙⟡

#txt x reader #txt imagines #txt fluff #yeonjun x reader #choi yeonjun x reader #choi yeonjun

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