#I wish we saw more of Caesar dying inside remembering the look of pain and rage on his mijo's face

[anyoldfandom]

"You better get some control of yourself, mijo."

"Or what? You'll use that thing on me?"

[dragonrajafanfiction]

Dragon Dancer Chapter 12: Catch - 22

Minutes after fleeing the opera house in the middle of a Chicago winter in nothing but my tutu, my extremities grew painfully numb. I had no money for a cab or bus fare and begging would be a bad idea for a lone young girl. 

The dragon, my father, said if I just closed my eyes and thought of a place, I could go there. Getting back to my family's house or to Cassell was an impossible distance. Even if I could find my way there, who knew what could happen if I accidentally ran into myself from the past.

Previous Chapter

Go Back to the Beginning

There was a broken latch on the basement window in the laundry room. If I could get there, I could get in my house.  I closed my eyes and focused my mind, imagining the alleyway next to my house. The image took shape, as clear as if my eyes were open. I took a step forward, reaching out with one hand. Immediately, the world went silent and dark, colder than the winter night air. When I opened my eyes again, I was in the alleyway. My ears filled with the sounds of the street.

I had moved miles in a single step. I was exactly where I wanted to be. My father was true to his word. 

I knelt down and checked the latch on the basement window. It was still broken.

It was dark in there, but Ielia emerged from the dragon’s scale, her luminous form lit the way for me as I squeezed inside, stood precariously on the wobbly washing machine and then jumped off to the floor. There were no voices, no footsteps above me. Everyone had gone to the opera house to watch me dance. I climbed the creaky wooden stairs and into the kitchen.

When I switched the light on to the old kitchen I saw its curling vinyl, chipped countertops and dated finish. I took a deep breath against my wave of emotions and memories, deliberately passing the refrigerator with its gallery of children’s drawings and photos without looking at it. The night before this I didn’t eat Mom’s cooking. I looked up into the sky and wished to be anywhere but the frigid seat of Robbie’s car.

I hated how much I had wanted to leave here, how I couldn’t wait to pack. How I watched all their promotional videos and read up on Cassell College and grew more excited by the promise of posh surroundings and decadent amenities. I wiped my eyes, my quiet whimpering audible over the rattling of a rickety furnace. “I’m an idiot.”

Now all I wanted was this simple life, surrounded by love and family. 

I entered my room and turned on the light. What supplies could I take with me? 

There were a lot of clothes that I didn’t wear any more that were boxed up as hand me downs for future kids. I opened the closet and carefully opened the boxes. I hurried through the clothes, picking out three days worth, closed them back up, replacing the tape. I found an old wrinkled pinked vinyl backpack to haul my things in. I changed out of my tutu. “I have two of these now…” I said to myself, staring at it. I would get rid of this one in the garbage outside. 

Next, I would need some money to get around and maybe find a place to stay.

I raced to Mom and Robbie’s room. I felt a bit bad about doing this, but I also knew that more money was coming after I left for Cassell and we would have plenty. Lifting the mattress, I undid the button on a small seam in the mattress and reached inside feeling for the cash kept there. I decided on only taking a few hundred dollars. Hopefully, if everything worked in my favor, that would be all I needed.

Back to the kitchen I went, stuffing a half dozen granola bars in my jacket.

I tried to imagine going back to Cassell now, explaining to Anjou everything that happened. Would they even let someone with as insane a story as mine through the front gate? They didn’t know me yet. It would be a week before they picked me up in a limo. I chewed on one of the granola bars, reluctant to go back into the cold if I didn’t have to. I glanced at the clock.

I could comfortably have maybe fifteen minutes left.

I wasn’t sure how much I could affect my past life events, having apparently gone back in time. People already saw two of me onstage. Anjou would probably know what that meant, more than anyone else. Besides the dragon scale necklace, that may have been what prompted him to approach me in the first place.

No wonder my dance teacher freaked out. Maybe she thought I had pulled some sort of prank.

I typed in the URL for Cassell College and clicked on Contact Us. There was a 250 character limit. My hands hovered over the keyboard. My mind went over what I knew was going to happen.

Isaac… if I never met him. Would he survive? Could I somehow prevent his death from happening? Prevent all those other people from dying? Maybe if they hadn’t seen me kill him they would have never sent me to Japan. They may have even sent me home.

Urgent: I was recruited by you but my talent is unstable. Two days after my recruitment, a student named Isaac will take me to a place to see my abilities. But he doesn't survive. When we come back from it, he turns into a servitor and I kill him. Th-

Out of characters. 

My stomach twists. What if it's not enough? What if he got this message and it was not enough.

“I have to do something different. If Anjou sees this, sends Nono and Caesar and that still fails...” I looked at my ethereal twin. She was pointing to the clock with growing urgency. “Is there nothing I can do?”

She looked at me with an exaggerated helpless shrug. I was out of time. I decided to take a shot in the dark without fearing the consequences. I hit send.

“Okay… Now plan B.”

Next was the website for Comemnus Corp. I clicked the contact us page and started to try to explain that Isaac was going to die at Cassell. As I typed, it dawned on me that this might sound like a threat. I remembered his bodyguards that followed him everywhere. Did  he come with bodyguards because of my message? 

“I could be setting up all of this.”  I deleted the message. If Isaac had to die, the least I could do was keep his bodyguards from being there. I retyped it, saying that Isaac would die, adding that Isaac should not come with the bodyguards because they would die too.

Even if it didn’t work, I tried. I warned them.

“What else?” I rested my chin in my hands. 

 It occured to me that if Isaac didn’t die and I was not sent out to look for a cure, maybe Caesar, Lu and Johann would fail their mission. Maybe Japan would be overrun by monsters. Maybe they would die in the cave because he would send someone else and things would go wrong. Maybe he would send Nono instead of me. Maybe Nono would die.

If the past could be changed, there was no guarantee that I would change things for the better. I sat staring at the clock, remembering Anjou’s kind eyes and words about courage and hope. I still had some time. I was tired, but I knew that once I walked out of this place I wouldn’t be able to come back. 

I took my last few minutes, gazing at photos of us all together, my foster family. “I’m sorry everyone. I was happy here. I know you always told me to dream big.” I stared at myself as a little toddler, still smiling, still in her leotard. My voice with emotion. “Maybe not this big.”

That little girl in the photo had one living relative: an enormous glittering beast with the power to erase people from existing at will. He was watching me now. I didn’t have any real feelings for my birth family. The people in this photo were my family. I didn’t want anything to happen to them. One wrong move and everyone I loved could be gone in an instant.

My computer sang out a notification from my inbox. The message title was simple.

“Stop Immediately. Stay where you are.”

It was from EVA at Cassell. But I couldn’t stay where I was. The sound of car tires screeching to a halt next to the building spooked me. I deleted the email, grabbed my backpack, and made my way to the basement as doors shut and footsteps and voices were heard outside.

As I climbed out of the window, strong gloved hands reached out and grabbed me by both of my arms, yanking me out the rest of the way. A bag was forced over my head, my pack was yanked from my hand and I was half dragged and half carried down the alley.. “Help!” I cried as someone picked me up and shoved me into a car.

Something cold and hard is pressed against my temple, forcing me into silence. The car peeled away.

“We’ve got the target. Returning to HQ.”

I sat shaking, my breath moving the fabric of the bag in and out. The gun stayed pressed to my head the whole ride. I closed my eyes and tried to focus on a vision to get me out of here, but the car careened around corners and I was without a seatbelt... 

The car slammed on the brakes, the door opened and I was hauled out, hitting my ankle against the curb, crying out at the pain shooting up my leg. I was dragged from the cold outside to the warmer inside where I was put into a chair, the bag removed from my head. A heavy metal door screeched, closing with a deafening slam. It was dark other than the light from a flashlight shined in my face.

A man and a woman stood in front of me, prim and proper in suits, a table between them that held small silver utensils I assumed to be torture devices. My two kidnappers were at my side. We were in some sort of garage or warehouse, a dimly lit space with metal walls.

“You’re going to tell us everything we ask you to.” The one speaking is a burly man with a pale, clean shaven head. He fixed his steely eyes onto mine and I nodded in deference.

“I know…” I said. “You’re from Comemnus Corp… right? It’s okay. I’m just trying to warn you.”

“You sent us a rather curious message. Who’s after the heir?” He asked.

“No one’s after him. He dies because… he loses control of his powers. He turns into a Servitor. I know because...” I took a breath because I knew how insane this would sound. “I know because I’m from the future.” I flinched, expecting a negative reaction.

There was a moment of silence while they took in my words. “Is she out of her mind?” asked the kidnapper to my left.

The woman, in light blue pantsuit and heavy eyeliner rubbed her chin. “Here we have a…” Her eyes looked me up and down. “Poor Chicago kid that we were instructed on an urgent high priority basis to kidnap and interrogate. A kid that knows about Isaac and his entry into Cassell and claims he will die within days along with his escort. This is already strange.”

She brought up the message I had sent to the company on her own phone. “In a few days time, Isaac will die after becoming a servitor. Try to keep him home. Don’t send bodyguards with them. They will die too.” She looked at me. “Strange for the bodyguards to die. Who kills them?”.

I tried to answer carefully. “Isaac becomes a servitor.” Who knew what would happen now that I’d fiddled with the events in the timeline. Maybe Isaac still dies but I wouldn’t be the one to kill him. 

“Why?” Her eyes narrowed.

“Because…” I hesitated to answer, my mouth drying up, my voice squeaking. “I…”

“You have one chance to answer this honestly, my dear. My dinner is getting cold.” She picked up one of the silver instruments, it looked like a pen with two hooked prongs at one end. She turned the end until it lit green and let out a high pitched whine.

“Okay. The truth is, I’m going to meet him there. At the party for new students. He comes on to me pretty hard so I leave. The next day he takes me to some secret place to train.”

Her eyes snapped to mine and widened. “Stop talking.” She turned to my kidnappers. “Stand outside the door. The rest of this interrogation is classified.”

The kidnappers' footsteps receded. A door shut.

“He takes you to a secret place.” She repeated, once the others were gone.

I nodded. “Yes. He … teleports me there, through some sort of magical gate.”

She looked at me a little longer before leaning over to the bald man and whispering in his ear. He nodded, then marched to a far corner of the warehouse and reached into his pocket for his phone. The woman continued to stare at me, arms crossed, glaring. I looked between the man and her. 

“And what happens? After you go through the gate?” She asked me.

“He … gives me this black stuff to drink.” I said.

Her narrow-eyed expression deepened.

The man returned. “The boss wants to talk to her herself.” 

She strode up to me and bent over until her face so close I could feel her breath. Her black eyes flashed to yellow. “Speaking Spirit - Chains.”

Instantly, I was unable to move or speak, paralyzed. The image of those eyes transfixed me and they were all I could see. I could feel myself being picked up from the chair and carried away, while I gasped in a panic.

The world spun and went dark and silent. The next thing I knew, I was lying on my back. Time must have passed but, how much time, I didn’t know. I could hear more voices.

A man said, “Studying this genome will take months. Maybe even years. We can’t keep her sedated that long. The fact that Weizhen has kept her down with a B ranked talent…? She deserves a raise.”

A woman’s voice, “What do you suggest?”

“We only need the genome for study. With a few stem cells, we can have an endless supply of samples…”

She interrupted him. “...samples. Really?” 

I tried to open my eyes but they remained firmly shut. My fingers stayed relaxed on the bed. 

“You had something else in mind?” said the man. “Mind you, Cassell is likely looking for her even as we speak. Keeping her here is risky.”

The woman replied. “We don’t deal in relics. It doesn’t matter how beautiful her genome is if she can’t produce viable offspring.”

He responded. “My goal as a geneticist is quite different. Someone with her level of dragonblood purity doesn’t just come along. We’ve stumbled upon a treasure and an opportunity that will not come again. A substandard sperm donor would be a complete waste of time! It would only corrupt the results of our research. Her genetic purity exceeds even that of the much lauded Johann Chu! Where are we going to find someone else like that? If offspring is what you’re after we could try cloning first. If we find a suitable donor, we can try breeding.”

I tried to move my head, but I was held fast. I cried out for help in my mind.

“What about Herzog?” She asked.

“That fanatic? You’re welcome to ask, but last we were in contact with him, he was creating monsters.”

“He has no connection to Cassell...”

Someone else spoke, a woman close to me, just behind my head. “The girl is struggling!” She gasped.

“Quick, give her another dose of ketamine!” 

My body grew hot, my eyes twitched. I gasped. When I raised my hand someone pinned me down. “Hurry!”

My eyes flew open. The bright lights of the room made me squint. I could see people, but I couldn’t focus. 

“You’ve done well, Weizhen, but now, we’re going to have to find other means to restrain her. Take the samples now. This may be our last opportunity.”

Next Chapter

[seb-owns-these-tatas]

Barely Alive (Chris Evans) (Pt. 2)

PART 1

Characters: Chris Evans x fem!reader

Summary: A zombie apocalypse happened on earth. You've decided to do something impulsive which will lead you into a life or death situation. But despite that, an unexpected savior came to rescue you and he was far more scared for your life than his. (Part 2)

Warnings: Reader is the same age as Tom Holland, but she's legal. Don't go pointing at me like I've created some sin yo. (Pls don't look at my Sebastian Stan oneshots 18+ hehehe 😅) I've read some rumour about H.C dating a 19 year old back then but I'm not sure if it's true. 😂

Words: 2,800+

A/N: I have no idea why I love writing this. Maybe because I love Resident Evil? Anyways, this is only PART 2 and there's going to be part 3. 😊 FEEDBACKS ARE VERY MUCH APPRECIATED! 

Disclaimer: PNG's used in edits are not mine even the GIF's too. However, the edits and oneshots are definitely from moi.

Dedicated: @readermia​ @mcuclintasha​ @itsallyscorner​

The drive back took only minutes. Once the truck stopped inside the huge factory, Chris had swiftly scooped you in his arms. People came stalking towards the car, surrounding the truck as known faces came in view. The man who was holding you had his heart beating so fast, too rapid even though he wasn't even running. "Is that--" The other Chris intervened, Chris Pratt to be specific. His green eyes bulged out of his eye sockets as he saw Y/N in his arms, all bloody and weak.

"She needs help!" The latter helplessly worded out, entirely shaken from your bruised form as he quickly strolled towards the part of the factory where there were sets of hospital beds. "Ch-Chris," You finally managed to hush a whisper, it was too faint to hear but Chris was too focused on you and so he heard. "I'm here," he panted, heartbeat thumping so fast. The constant worry unconsciously travelling towards his eyes which began to fill with tears. He was trying not to, so he kept on swallowing the jitters. "I'm not leaving your side," whispered the man who gently dropped you on the soft, white bed.

Your pained moans started to come as you felt his warmth gone in just a flash. You couldn't form a word nor any sentences that everything was starting to hurt again and it was too excruciating to begin with. "It's okay, Y/N. I'm here, everything's going to be just fine," Chris choked, hasty eyes finding someone for help and he saw Zoe came rushing to his side, asking what happened and what was wrong.

"She was ambushed by men, four were killed by her. Yet, Caesar had her on the ropes," he uttered pointedly, biting his lower lip in apprehension. He felt Y/N moan another painful one. Instinctively, he reached out his hand to grab onto her hand that wasn't bruised, caressing the pad of his thumb on top of hers to let her know that he was there for her.

It was obvious that Zoe would've seen it, and she did. But, she'd rather not acknowledge it. Chris wouldn't dare be in love with a girl half his age, plus the fact that she had a boyfriend would he?

"Caesar? Caesar Brown?" Zoe subtly shook her head, maneuvering towards the other side of the bed as she began taking care of Y/N. "He's dead, already dead." The latter swallowed a lump down his throat, peering down at the bruised woman. An ache forming inside his heart that began to fill with dread. "Shot to the head," he said almost straight to the point that it sounded remotely restrained.

"By who?" Zoe inserted a needle that made Y/N silently moan, a tear escaping the sides of her eyes in which Chris immediately wiped.

"Me,"

His sympathetic friend stopped in her tracks as she was grabbing a cotton ball, her back facing him. Well, killing wasn't new to the world especially when they were in a middle of a zombie apocalypse. Though, what was bemusing her was from the moment her friend knew Y/N went east to grab some resupplies, he immediately flew out of the base despite of how many people didn't want to come. Nobody wanted to be with Y/N because there was no possibility that there were no infected. The fact that not even her own boyfriend, 'William' stood by her side when she went on her own was like a death wish or an ambush by the infected.

Nonetheless, to her surprise she was actually ambushed by nasty people.

Chris didn't know a thing about her impulsive plan because he went west with the gang to find more survivors. Once he came back and knew Y/N was all alone grabbing resupplies with no back-up, he went completely berserk as there were hundreds of bad outcomes inside his head that will make him regret living in the world they were in.

Thus, he didn't risk it. He'd rather risk his life just for her. As for Zoe's understanding with how he was acting since a month ago, he was acting strange that even his ex-girlfriend who was with them came to notice.

He was always with Y/N. Where Y/N was, he was also there. When he was asked why he was being too overprotective of her, his answer could always make them nod because it seems like he was telling the truth.

"She's like a baby sister to me. Nothing more, nothing less."  

Yet, his actions tell otherwise.

"Please, Zoe. Please, I need you to help her, please..She's..just...please, help her." Chris begged, washing his face with his hands in frustration as he stared in nothingness. Avoiding the state where Y/N was in, appearing to feel like he was hurting to see her in pain.

He was confused and Zoe knew deep inside it was his heart who was in a puzzle and that was the truth.

"Alright, I'll do my best, Chris."

Days have passed and Y/N still hasn't woken up. Those days that he felt like she was barely alive was horribly agonizing for him that he felt like his days weren't normal without hearing her hideous laugh and seeing her youthful smiles. His days went by like he felt as if he wasn't awake. He felt horrible that he hadn't been back before she has made that sudden decision that not everybody supported.

He felt like his head was floating as it ached at the same time while he was explaining tactics and opinions to certain people who were gathered up in the middle of a room with chairs, tables, papers, maps and radios. "We head to Maryland," Chris suddenly paused, sighing deep as he stood in the middle of the room, a table and map flat in front of him. He cleared his throat and shifted his weight to his other foot as another shock of headache visited him, making him tightly shut his eyes.  

"Chris," Robert interrupted, analyzing what was happening to him. "You don't look too good," his friend stated as a matter of fact.

"I'm fine," Chris muttered more to himself, shaking his head to clear the head ache away. "So, where were we?"

"Maryland," Paul and Dave spoke at the same time with worried smiles on their faces. The latter nodded at that and tried to remember what he wanted to say before he was interrupted by his own head ache, but nothing. He remembered nothing as his thoughts were drifted to you who was currently in a coma.

"Ah, shit." he shook his head in disappointment before speaking an apology as he deeply sighed, a tight frown plastered on his face while he spun on his heels and left the room in which the team was definitely not used to besides his outgoing personality and large smiles that can get any human infected. Even Y/N.

The team looked at each other with knowing faces and bewildered eyes.

You were moved to a much safer room inside the factory where a hospital bed lays for you. In request by Chris, of course.

His frown tightened even more when he ended up leaning against the door to your room, watching you sleep, entirely motionless and his heart could feel the pricks of dread creep onto his heart for the hundredth time. He was feeling completely down in the dumps since you haven't woken up and it was tearing him apart.

(Just imagine him with the beard first, he’ll get to shave it soon. Hehehe)

"Dorito," Anthony revealed himself and appeared to walk beside him. A solemn look on his face. "You okay, man?"

It took a second for his friend to reply, "It's been three days," he lowly uttered, swallowing the sadness away, his melancholic blue eyes fixated on your form with his eyebrows cinched tight together. "She hasn't woken up since the last three days and I don't know if she will,"

"And you haven't taken at least one decent meal since the day it happened," his friend said with utmost concern. Anthony glance back to where people were encircled around a lit up bonfire. Y/N's boyfriend looking like he was having the best night of his life as he chugged on some beer while talking to some brunette lass. "You look more worried than William over there," he gestured to the back.

"Psh," Chris suddenly reacted, giving no attention to Y/N's boyfriend because as he was walking towards her room, he saw how her lover was coping up to her coma. He was enjoying.

"What kind of boyfriend even is he?" said Chris as he shook his head in disdain as he continued to state a fact. "You know your girlfriend's over here in a coma and he hasn't even visited her," the man mindlessly spat, sounding in much seeth.

"He did," Anthony butted in with a small grin. Remembering the day he saw William visit Y/N for five minutes and never came back. "But, it was only one time!" said the latter who was too irked to even talk about it.

"Kid was telling me he was scared to see her almost close to dying,"

"The kid's an asshat," Chris stated with a raise of his brow, folding his arms against his chest. "Woah, woah. Chris, you sound like a jealous man," There was no doubt, a little tone of mockery in his words. The latter huffed to himself as his eyes continued to gaze at your unmoving form.

"You sure you only see her as your baby sister?"

Chris continued to scowl as he was hearing him out. "What if you actually see yourself as her dad?" Anthony added with a huge grin that made him give him the stink eye.

"I sure as hell don't see you looking at her like she's your baby sister," His friend interrogated him as he was just stating the obvious. Chris couldn't say anything back. "You look at her very differently than you look at your real sisters," Anthony paused, lightly shoving Chris's shoulder to enlighten him. "Everybody knows how you look at her,"

"How do I even look at her, Anthony?" questioned Chris in curiosity. His eyes completely unreadable. Definitely blank. He was an actor after all. "You give her the look whenever the Russo's shout action as Steve Rogers stares at Peggy Carter," his friend trailed off.

"I know she's young and all, but she's legal and I don't see anything wrong about it--" Anthony added for Chris, smirking in the process as a thought came in mind. "--That didn't stop Henry Cavill from dating a 19 year old woman back then,"

Chris couldn't help a snicker leave his cherry red lips, "Stop before he hears you," he quietly chortled. Shaking his head at his friend's abrupt theories. "As I was saying," added Anthony with a nod. "Know your priorities, follow your heart because it's already the end of the world, Dude."

"--I thought Resident Evil or the Walking dead wasn't real, but here we are."

There was a sudden silence that wrapped them both together. Their gazes fixated on you who seemed to be barely alive from your lack of presence. No matter what Chris does in his everyday life, he couldn't get to push himself harder because of the reality that you were facing.

He couldn't accept that maybe it was because of him. You got hurt because he wasn't around.

"Try and think about your feelings and stop being serious like Steve Rogers. It's freaking me out, "

Feelings. All Chris felt was platonic. In his head, he knows his actions meant nothing. It was neither romantic nor sexual. Yet, to some of his close friends or family knew his heart says otherwise.

"Anthony, I'm not in love with her," His forehead creased a little too deeply at his sudden confession. His heart feeling as if it began to drop more stones on top of it.

"Sureeee, Christopher." bantered Anthony, his voice entirely full of contempt. "You know, you're too old to be an indenial boy already."

The guilty man huffed at the back of his mind as he tightly bit his lip to refrain from saying anything more. His words earlier seem like it wasn't right. It feels as if he made himself more frustrated and overwrought. He anxiously bit the underside of his own lips as he blankly stared out of nowhere, seeming to be in too deep inside his thoughts.

To catch his friend's attention, Anthony managed to tap his shoulder to rip him off from drifting into another world.

"So, what's the deal for tomorrow?"

Chris did a double-take, his expression solemn as he was staring straight at your motionless body laying peacefully on top of the hospital bed. He subtly cleared his throat, eyebrows knotted in a twist.

"We head to Maryland, bring back survivors since Scarlett had evidences that there are atleast thirty of them. Some are kids. Some are already suffering from starvation. We might need tons of back-up because the place can be a trap. Lots of infected come by there every now and then as it was said by Hiddleston. We need to take risks,"

Anthony kept his eyes fixated on his friend. A small grin plastered on his face as it reached from ear to ear. "Noted, Cap."

"Shut it, Ant." he playfully spat with another shake of his head. Chest puffed up and arms folded together.

"Stop being an indenial bitch before it's too late,"

"I told you, I can only see her as--"

Anthony interrupted his sentence like he knew what he was about to say next, "--my baby sister, nothing more. Nothing less. Alright, alright. I'll leave you to it,"

Chris seemed to drift off somewhere after a minute or two. His thoughts suddenly were in a haywire just by looking at you and it was frustrating him why he was feeling stressed because of everything.

It's not like living in a zombie apocalypse wasn't as stressful as before.

Anthony gave Chris a manly pat on his back, turning around his heels with a smile. "I've managed to sneak up a stack of Heineken when we were back at that abandoned mall. Caesar and his friends had it,"

Chris had his eyes solely on you, his lively blue eyes now filled with dread and uncertainty. Staring at every bruise on every parts of your body and cursing the heavens why Caesar had found you vulnerable to the point that he wanted to dominate you into demise.

Chris wasn't in love with you. No. It was impossible.

Anthony's laugh pulled him off his head space. His next words making him lift a small smile on  his face.

"You're free to chug it all down, man."

Ya’ like it? GO REBLOG AND GIVE THIS POST A HEART! Heehee!

XOXO, TATA

[wackygoofball]

Can you tell us why you’re so positive? I’m having a hard time imagining any positive scenario with Jaime being dead now but I wasn’t wondering what you’re hoping for in the last episode that we can hope for

Well, my positivity comes from the very fact that no matter what, I have an awesome fandom experience. I made the most amazing friends with whom I now share connections reaching beyond the shipping material of my choice, JB. I’ve had and continue to have illuminating and interesting discussions, share in crazy theories, make fun edits and enjoy my wacky life. I never had that until I was guided to the beacon of hope of the JB fandom, and now that I am a part of it, I wouldn’t want to miss a single thing.

So I don’t really see why I would be feeling negatively? Why I would lose all hope, fall into despair, curl in on myself ino a tiny wacky ball, and never dip my toes into the JB fandom again… I can’t see it because I have those things and literally no one other than myself can take them away from me again.

It’s actually the exact opposite for me. I may have come to the fandom because of JB, but I stayed for the whole package. I stayed for the social and emotional connections I made with fellow shippers. I stayed for the debates, not just about JB but all kinds of things. I stayed for the fun and the fanfic, for the gift challenges and roundrobins, for the fanvids and latenight chats.

And so I continue to stay for my friends, I continue to stay for what we canonically have and what can otherwise be explored within the realms of fanon, fanfiction, fanart, and the like.

Because, to me, being part of the JB fandom grew to be so much more than being a fan of Jaime Lannister and Brienne of Tarth, it was becoming a part of a community I don’t want to lose ever again.

But now, I guess your question is more aimed towards what gives me hope for show *canon* turning out satisfactory for JB in any so such way, considering the current… brick odds. Since that post turned out longer than it should (it’s currently 3.00 a.m. and I should be sleeping… so please excuse additonal rambling), I will put this below the cut:

I mean… let’s go through the scenarios from worst case to best case (at least some, there are too many variants to list, really), but for the sake of the argument, let’s roll with the following selection:

1) Even if show canon now ends with Jaime having died last episode and that being the end of it, I have all the opportunity in the world to read and write fix it fanfic and theorize about those what ifs canon would then have left unexplored. So I don’t see why I would be angsting about it. I’ve been to other fandoms before, I shipped pairings I either knew would never become canon or was iffed about when they did not. However, that then leaves me with the sometimes hard but productive task of going back over my earlier theories and see where I went wrong, perhaps, in my analyses to draw the wrong conclusions, where I may have led my shipper goggles distort the source material too much. That can be a kind of painful experience, but it can also be greatly rewarding as it can help me sharpen my views for future analyses of other source materials I may come to enjoy. However, even if we stick to the in-canon expectations here. JB have made love to each other, more than once. They had a beautiful journey together and unless Bran sets it all back in time and we start over somewhere else, no one can take that away from us ever again. And that is amazing.

2) A more hopeful scenario: Jaime still stays dead but either through Tyrion or Bran we at least get the in-canon acknowledgement that Jaime *was* in love with Brienne and also went off to King’s Landing to protect her. Imagine, for instance, a scenario whereby he was being told that Brienne bears his child now. Jaime may have felt like he was a danger to that child (considering the Bronn situation) and/or may have found himself unworthy of that kind of life and may have wished to remove himself from the equation. He may even have been pushed into it by Bran in a number of ways. That would at least give us some kind of closure. It may stil hurt as hell, but the one thing that lies in the air in the narrative at present is that neither Jaime nor Tyrion, in any fashion, addressed his relationship with Brienne. Tyrion didn’t even bring it up during their conversation in the tent, which I would have fully expected as the show bothered to have Tyrion in the know about Jaime’s relationship with Brienne. Why didn’t he ask him something along the lines of “Why do you want to die with Cersei now? You had something good there with Brienne, it made you happy. Why did you just leave that behind?” But no such conversaion took place. Why? I don’t know. I remain puzzled about it. And that is where I am curious to know whether there is something else to that other than “we didn’t have the time to address that” or “we forgot/didn’t bother” storytelling-wise.

3) Jaime may still die but he is not dead as per status of episode 5. He will die of the injuries, but not until Brienne held him in her arms (”to die in the arms of the woman I love” as opposed to holding his sister in what I truly found a way of him acting like a brother to her who was trying to console a hysteric woman who knew she was close to dying and became younger and younger inside her mind the deeper they went). Still all the more tragic, still would suck ass for Brienne as she would have the Renly scenario almost exactly as before, but she held Jaime before he died. They made love before that. So this may at least be the acknowledgement that by the end of the day, Jaime and she had something true, but that circumstances kept them apart and that Jaime would have liked to stay with her in another life, if only life hadn’t made him make certain choices that led down this road.

Now we dig into the really more hopeful scenarios that suggest he is not dead. There are reasons that support this thesis (I don’t call authority to them as, per Occam’s razor, the simplest solutions are ofentimes those that hold the greatest truth). So again, I am not holding my breath for any of those options, all that is to say is that the options *exist*. That is not to fall into hopeful hyping, only to be disappointed if it does not come around, but plainly pointing out arguments that support the thesis.

Reasons that may be used in support of the hypothesis:

a) the show’s really outdone itself to stick a letter to Jaime’s back reading “dead man walking”: Brienne assumed he’d ride to KL to die with his sister, Tyrion said he’d die, Jaime said he’d die, Euron said he’s the one who killed Jaime Lannister, Cersei saw his wounds and kind of implied “you ded”, and then bricks ex machina. Like. Say it one time, foreshadowing, perhaps. Say it two times to make sure. But 4 fuckin’ times is like beating us with a stick.

b) This show has had characters survive despite greater injuries, and now I am not even pointing to Jonesus or Daenerys being fireproof in the show. Remember how Arya got stabbed repeatedly, fell into the water and bled out fast and still she did fine and later on did parkour with the Waif and killed her? Good times. Jon, even after the Julius Caesar stabbination, had it a lot of times when he he should have been dead of injuries and/or pneumonia (see Suicide Squad Beyond the Wall). Arya had buildings drop on her and fire spew at her the whole episode and she got the pale horse showing he the way out (I still hope the horse is Jaqen H’ghar). Tyrion had a ship’s mast drop on him and he did not die. List goes on and on and on. Also, Euron brought a long ice pick to a sword fight. Dude may have missed some major arteries, is all I’m saying.

c) Speaking of injuries, what was the point of having him gravely injured, for what looked and sounded like at least 1 collapsed lung and his kidneys likely looking like a pincushion? The guy still made it all the way up to the map room and then all the way down again without breaking down just once. While Cersei had a sudden unexpected surge of caring for the dude she sent an assassin after not long ago (seriously, let’s never forget that tidbit), the blood on his shirt was not as much as I would have expected from the injuries he’s received. But more to the point: Why have him so gravely injured if the upshot was, all along, he gets there, they get trapped, and then they die together. Why go through the lengths of having Jaime so greatly injured if there is no pay off for him dying of those injuries? Why is it then death by bricks? Why the overkill? I find it odd, is all.

d) There was no single verbal or otherwise recognition by either Jaime or Tyrion about the JB relationship. There was no “tell her I am sorry” or “Could you send her a raven on my behalf?” Nothing. They didn’t even mention her.

e) Jaime seemed awfully jumpy with his reasoning for being there. First he says the odds are even and Cersei may win, implying that he’d want to support Cersei against Daenerys in some way, or rather, keep damage at a minimum by trying to ensure his sister doesn’t pull anything that puts the people in danger. Then Tyrion goes on about how Daenerys will win and Cersei will die. Jaime switches back to Tyrion’s (and Brienne’s) suggestion of him wanting to die by Cersei’s side, which is contrary to his first statement. Then Tyrion points to the people. He says he doesn’t care. Which directly contradicts what he did to save the people of King’s Landing when he slew Aerys. For the sake of that argument, let’s just never forget that Jaime Lannister is one of those characters who builds on “say one thing, mean the other” many, many times. Why am I to assume that there is no hint of that in this cryptic converstaion he’s having with his brother?

f) Why does Tyrion try to get a promise out of Jaime to get Cersei and himself out of KL with the boat? Why does he make him swear? Shouldn’t pointing out the opportunity be enough to convince Jaime to go with it?

g) Others have theorized about it before, I also came back to it. There still is the BATB trope that JB have been following *a lot*. And by that I mean their trajectories were largely reliant on it. Now of course, just because characters are inspired by a trope doesn’t mean the author/writer is obligated to continue it till the very end, but it’s odd how we’ve been following almost all beats, only to stop at what would now be the fakeout death of Beast for Beast to be reborn.

h) Outside of what’s going on within the show’s narrative - NCW’s been all kinds of excited about his arc in season 8, and he’s expressed frustration before, which nearly always related to Jaime staying with his sister for longer than is necessary. This scenario, as it stands right now… does that sound like something NCW would be totally hyped about? I don’t really know. Also, the guy’s been seemingly gagged by HBO in some basement full of free T-shirts since there are no goodbye interviews as we have seen them for Conleth, Pilou and Lena. We only got a couple of instagram posts, but other than that? Am I the only one getting the “Jon Snow is totally dead, guys!” vibes? Perhaps to throw us off, but again, it is something that would support the hypothesis.

i) While we now got a MUCH darker Daenerys *ahem*, and it may well be that she will be wiped off the slate next episode, but that’s another topic… isn’t it AWFULLY neat how that basically removed “all the bad guys” from the narrative? Gregor dead, Euron dead, Qyburn dead, Cersei dead (furthermore, look at all the other baddies we put in the ground, and even those with redemption like Theon are now biting the dust). And then we have Jaime. A character who’s been hated by most for what he did to Bran and for the incesting, a character who continued to be hated by many parts of the viewership based on that, no matter the deeds he did thereafter. The point being, it seems awfully convenient if all the “good guys” lived and all the “bad guys” of varying degrees were to die. GRRM aimed for that bit of dramatic fantasy realism where we have morally gray characters, some grayer than others. Odd enough that this would leave much of the so-perceived morally more or less sound members of the clan right where they are. If I were writing such a thing, I’d keep some of those ambivalent characters, if only to show that the good vs. bad dichotomy does not hold in the real world and that in the real world, sometimes, do not only good guys die but also not-always-good-guys live.

j) What was Jaime’s plan? While he came back to “I am the stupidest Lannister”, Jaime is… not. He outsmarted Tyrion in terms of battle tactics. He is a gifted commander. He certainly is not as dumb as Cersei claimed him to be as she herself was not always the brightest pebble with an evil T’Pol haircut. He’s covered his hand with the glove when he rode away from King’s Landing at the end of season 7. He covered it again until he came back into King’s Landing and then took it off, for what it seems in the hope to use it as a VIP card to get the soldiers’ attention and thus entry into the Red Keep. That means he was in possession of the glove by the time he was captured by Daenerys’s forces. Why would he not wear it, then? Did he want to be caught? Why would he? Was he told by someone with the power of foresight that he needed to be there, that he needed to learn what signal was to be given (the bells) in order to give order to have them ring? We don’t know if he gave the order, but it’s not unlikely. Did he have a plan he didn’t let on even in front of his brother? Was there information Jaime protected and was that the reason why he seemed somewhat off? Who knows. Only the next episode will tell.

k) We are still due some kind of a reaction from Brienne.

l) Where the fuck is Widow’s Wail?

m) Why did the show bother giving us JB making love and playing house if the entire idea was to have him run back to his sister and just die by bricks? Why wait with this till the very last episode, to make it, for all it seems, the literal FINAL big bang of the series?

n) There is something to be said about how realism is not just “everyone dies and all is terrible”. Right now… everything is. We are in worst case scenario land for basically everyone. Jon became complicit in a mass murder, he could not prevent what Jaime did when he slew Aerys before he could nuke the city. Daenerys… committed a mass murder (she lost everyone safe for angry Greyworm and and is now a Queen of the Ashes). Cersei was cast down. Jaime coudln’t make his happiness with Brienne, for all it seems. Varys, for now, it seems, is proven right in that he hoped to be proven wrong and that shit would not go down like it did. Tormund won’t ever get his Emobear back. Bran is an emotional vegetable. Arya just had houses drop on her. Sandor died in fire, aka his worst enemy. Sansa may just have helped put Jon and/or Arya in danger if Daenerys continues to be crazypants. Hundreds and thousands of people got burned, injured, raped, murdered, kabloomed. Tyrion may just have lost his entire family, may still face the wrath of his Queen and continues to be kind of a stupid idiot. This is not some balanced kind of scenario of good and bad, this is just… bad.

o) If we only consider POV characters from the books, there are only three pairings where they are both major POV characters, the three Jays: JC, JD, and JB. And of those two… two are varying degrees of incest, as Varys would otherwise point out to you, and the other barely left the ground before bricks came raining from the sky. The point being… am I to believe that no single 2-POV-romance has any kind of a future? I find it odd.

The list could probably be longer but I am getting tired here. Suffice to say there are a number of reasons that *support* such a hypothesis.

Back on target of scenarios that give me hope - the Jaime lives somehow edition:

4) We may still be in for a Branception. He may pull back time and try to right things (he may also turn out the ultimate villain whose only goal, from the beginning, was to obtain the IT for all we know). He may have seen the worst case scenario unfold as we saw it now, and we may go back to him trying to make it right this time. But those are scenarios that involve a kind of mojo that continues to leave me far too baffled to dive into further. Suffice to say, he may have his hands in that somehow. 

5) Suppose both of them survive somehow. Further imagine a scene of someone waking up on a boat, blinded for a moment, only to come around and look at a very scowling Brienne of Tarth, only to realize that yup, we are seeing things through Jaime’s eyes. And as he turns around he sees a dishevelled but alive sister in the boat, and a very pissed off sellsword turned assassin who complains about how he did not sign up for nearly getting buried alive in those tunnels if not for that warrior woman forcing him to wait out there and pull Jaime and Cersei to safety in the skulls or whatever else when it mattered. Evidently, this would have to be followed by some kind of trial for Cersei as she remains a shitshow of a person who held a city hostage, kabloomed a sept because she could and smirkily drank wine while doing so and gettting helluva murderboners over this. AKA her ending with Jaime still sounds to me as far too nice for a woman who’s done so much horrible when there was no need for it and did nothing really other than supposedly being pregnant with a child (will continue to believe that it is/was a tumor until I’m proven otherwise… even then I will stick to it because history parallels are awesome!) to deserve a “nice” and somewhat comforting exit with her brother by her side, without a single sign of acknowledgement of her being a shitshow of a person. Anyway, that leads too far astray. The point remains on the idea that I wouldn’t even exclude Cersei living at least for a longer while (end of episode 6), but ultimately proving that Jiame will outlive her (as was kind of hinted at by the book’s weirwood dream).

6) Since we have Davos and Tyrion in place as well as a body that conveniently is deposited near the Red Keep now and maches in height and so and such, and since Daenerys would not want to see Jaime Lannister alive right now… how about the good old switch game? Demolish Euron’s dead face a bit more, cut off a hand, stick the golden one on, maybe crispy him a bit more and present that to Daenerys. Would she ask questions beyond that? The point being, I can perfectly see a scenario whereby Jaime will emerge from the rubble (either by sheer luck or by having dived or been pulled into one of the dragon skulls) or will be pulled ou of it, and everyone has to be quick to get rid of him to hide him from Daenerys’s wrath. Off into a boat and let him be brought somewhere to heal and live a silent life where nobody knows what became of him. Tarth is supposed to be beautiful around the season, hm? 

7) Brienne pulls Jaime from the rubble. He explains himself to her, believing he is about to die, just that he isn’t. Maybe he will ogle at her, going on about how Bran even told him how he was destined to die and how there was no future beyond (for him). Only for Brienne to drop it on him that there is, if he decides to live at last because sure as hell she won’t be taking care of a kid they both made and have responsibility to. Perhaps Jaime recognizing that Bran hinted at that the baby he was referring to was not Cersei’s (if there is) but Brienne’s. And that all that needed to happen so he could be reborn.

8) Jaime being the one to ring the bells becoming some kind of unsung hero alongside Brienne if she has any part in getting rid of the current usurper. Imagine Brienne badass-single-handedly getting rid of the living nuke aka dragon.

9) In a scneario whereby Jon offs Daenerys or Daenerys offs off to Essos and Jon does not push the claim… and if we hopefully overlook Gendry because the guy should not be assigned manager jobs he does no have the expertise for (*eye roll*) - I mean, don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against Gendry but he is by no means a politician or anything close to it… just briefly imagine of the reborn Jaime Lannister, the former Kingslayer, suddenly being confronted with the reality that he is heir to the Iron Throne. Just for funsies. Hm?

10) All ends with Jaime waking up next to Brienne, dozing in bed with their ten kids sleeping in the other rooms of Evenfall Hall, going like “Brienne, honey, I just had the shittiest dream ever.” And then the two cuddle.

Yeah no, for real now though. I can spin myself more scenarios than that, all of which bear hope in some capacity, both within the canon as well as how I have set up my shipping habits. Which means I basically feel invincible right now. The worst that can happen is that I am dissatisfied with how their arcs will conclude, in which case I still have my community and fanfic to fix it. If it ends tragically but at least with recognition of feelings for one another, I will be sad but satisfied. If Jaime survives at least long enough to see Brienne one more time, I will cry like a baby but I will be okay because it will make clear where his heart was at last. and how it will always be hers. If it’s one of the more and most positive scenarios, I will be a happy customer and may gloat more than I should.

My most basic hope is that we get coherence where I currently find myself confused as to where the narrative is heading. There are things I don’t understand or can’t currently, based on the limited information we have, make sense of. I would hope for the show to clear up that much.

My more elaborate hope is that we get the confirmation of their mutual feelings for one another. That can go a multitude of ways, as outlined above, but that’s something I would really want/need to feel like their arcs came full circle, even if Jaime winds up dead.

My HYPE hopes are of course the rebirth scenarios. I don’ find them unlikely, but I don’t hold my breath for them to happen. If they do, I am happy. If they don’t, I won’t be disappointed enough to be sadder than I ought to be. I will try my best to use it as inspiration for fanart, fanfic, and editing.

So yeah… how can I go wrong? How can I be anything but hopeful? I hope for the best, accept the worst if it comes, and simply go on with my fandom life because that is the important aspect about it for me personally. I have amazing friends in this fandom and I can look back on years of one of the best shipping rides I ever undertook. We are canon in every sense of the term and that can’t be taken away from us (as someone once said so elegantly: you can’t unfuck someone). So my hopes are that I simply get to go on enjoying my fandom life in this fandom, then waiting for the books and taking the liberty to dissect the narrative in the light of its full context instead of only ever theorizing based on limited information. My hope is to continue to have awesome, inspiring, and productive discussions and theories and headcanons.

Those are my hopes, and I don’t see how they will ever be disappointed, no matter what may happen in the show next week, or in the infinity and beyond it will take for GRRM to finish those books. And I think that’s not just wishful thinking because the power to remain hopeful actually lies with me. I am the master of my shipping experience, of my fandom life, and as such, I can have all the positivity no matter the canon outcomes.

So yeah, I am a happy Wacky right now and I will continue to be.

And I do hope that some of that positivity will reach you, anon, and anyone else currently feeling like… a bunch of bricks are raining down on them. Sorry, I have to cut back on those puns, I know.

Anyway. To close now.

I am hopeful because I put my hope in my fandom experience, and in that way I cannot possibly lose - and anyone who decides to follow down the same path, you can’t lose either! So how about we continue to win together? I’d very much like that.