#I wish the footage we had was in this quality!

[cilogram]

Sparks and Les Rita Mitsouko at Montmartre Recorded for Cent bougies pour la tour Eiffel which aired on March 30th 1989 (x)

[ulfhednn]

[wp100]

annie was never okay because she's a cpr dummy

[obsessivelollipoplalala]

Watching all the Garden Lodge tapes and so bummed Jim is only in like 30 seconds of it all 🥺 but boy, Joe was a sweetheart ❤️ And funny as hell! He made his boyfriend (who was the one recording the videos) clean his shoes twice before entering the Mews so he wouldn’t get the carpets dirty lmao and his boyfriend’s reaction: “Ugghh you’re such a Queen” 🤣

Lol I never actually watched all of the footage we have, but that's cute

[welcome-leon]

Okay I NEED to talk about the Resident Evil 'Viral' campaign bc it makes me insane dfsjkhsdj I'm gonna have to split it up by each commercial to talk about them individually so prepare for longpost but I can't get my mind off it.

If you don't know, Capcom had a series of live-action promo videos for RE5, depicting Chris in various moments following the events of the game. If you haven't seen them, the clearest quality ones I could find are by Shiny Gamey on YT, with the first video being here (otherwise the most popular YT results are 144p - 360p lol)

CW: All videos have lots of intense flashing lights/images, and focus heavily on mental illness. TW: Video 4 "Bridge" has imagery of suicide and self-harm, and video 5 "Back" has hints of suicide.

TLDR; these commercials aren't canon, but god I find them interesting. The videos focus on Chris' rapidly declining mental health and obvious PTSD (alongside hallucinations and psychosis), with each clip showing his sanity deteriorating. They paint a picture where the events of RE5 fundamentally changed Chris in a way he cannot control - more than that, showing him far more vulnerable and human than the determined hero we usually see him as. These commercials make RE5 seem way scarier than it is because it's showing the hero suffering from just surviving - Fear You Can't Forget - and man I wish Capcom would lean further into the psychological horror of it all.

So one thing I noticed with this series is that I think it follows the themes of the stages of grief. I think each of Chris' voiceover lines carry this motif in each video, and it further illustrates just how heavily the events of RE5 are weighing on him. I think it's open to interpretation as to what he's grieving - his own sanity, the lives lost from Wesker's actions, Wesker himself, or maybe just a part of Chris' identity that is so drawn and tired of it all that it simply disappears. Either way, death as a whole is a theme explored here, and I find it very fun and interesting that the stages of grief seem to make an appearance too.

(1) Ceremony

In the first video, Chris is shown accepting an award at a BSAA press event some time after Kijuju. There's a lot of press involved, and Sheva is standing in the crowd. A general (maybe? Some kind of commander) gives a speech about Chris' heroism, and gives him a medal. When Chris is about to give his acceptance speech, the flashing of the cameras trigger a flashback where he re-experiences some of the events of the game (this is just gameplay footage, the 'commercial' part of these videos). You can also see scribbled words, in flashes, appearing across his speech papers. When the flashback ends he drops his papers, and when Sheva picks them up from the ground, the pages have no scribbles visible.

The thing about this one for me, aside from introducing the concept that Chris is Not Okay, is the way Chris' internal monologue contrasts with the words from the general. "There's more to being a hero than saving lives," are the opening words to this scene, spoken by the general, and he goes on to commend Chris for his bravery and valour. The general is very openly calling Chris a hero. And yet, Chris' voiceover line is, "It's amazing how far you can get in life by destroying the lives of others."

While it would make sense for him to be referencing Wesker and bioterrorism as a whole, contextually it's apparent that he's referring to himself - by the last video, it's made clear that Chris' voice lines are all a part of one monologue, but I'll get to that later. Here, he is on stage receiving a medal after ending innumerable lives in Kijuju, and while his superiors call it 'saving' lives, Chris calls it 'destroying'. The way he says the line sounds dull, emotionless, and it sounds clear he has no pride in the lives he takes, BOWs or not. I just love that detail to his character, his awareness of his own role in ending the lives of the victims of bioterrorism, the fact that he still views the monsters he kills as lives taken. It feels very canon-Chris to me, despite not being a canon video.

It's also worth noting that shock and denial are considered the first stages of grief, and while it's not a big theme in this clip as much as the others, I still think his voice line showcases his disbelief. It definitely sounds like he can't believe the route his life has taken to lead him onto that stage. Maybe it's not a lot to sink your teeth into, thematically, but there's elements here that contribute to the theme of grief in the video series overall.

(2) Date

This commercial shows Chris on a date with a woman, and it seems like everything is going well. The woman reapplies her lipstick in a compact, while Chris gets a video camera and asks the woman to confess something (side note, Chris wtf sjkdfhkjh). The woman tells him, "I don't know, I'm probably guilty of something." She moves the compact she's holding and Chris has a flashback when light reflects off the mirror into his eyes. When he comes back, the woman is gone, and Chris finds the napkin the woman was using covered in words similar to the first commercial written in lipstick. The voiceover line is, "Death is nothing to be proud of. And survival is sometimes worse than death."

Guilt and pain is the second stage of grief, and I think both are very apparent here. The woman is about to record her confession, and she states she's probably guilty of something - it stands to reason Chris might be thinking of his own confessions, his own guilt. And Chris' internal monologue, after a flashback of violence and death, says, "Death is nothing to be proud of," implying that it's something to feel ashamed of. Again, the point is hammered home that Chris doesn't view his experience in Kijuju as something heroic - he is constantly aware of the weight of death, regardless of who he kills. This line is also spoken alongside the visual of Chris looking into a broken mirror, a symbol of his shattered sense of self, which only amplifies the idea that Chris really feels like he has lost part of himself - is it part of his identity, or his sanity? Both? Probably both.

"And survival is sometimes worse than death." Is Chris talking about believing the psychological effects of RE5 are a fate worse than death? I think so. He's just had a flashback and lost a date that was otherwise going really well because of it, and keeps seeing these words popping up in places they weren't before. It's this line that encompasses his pain, right beside his guilt as it should be. The fact that he's viewing his existence after RE5 as being 'worse than death' is a very potent thing, considering that he should be feeling somewhat normal now that he's back in his real life.

And that's what strikes me the most about these videos - the idea that despite all the horrors we see these characters experience in the games, despite the fact that the good guys always win, despite the fact that these missions always have a beginning and an end, it's the aftermath of the game events that are worse. The idea that even with everything Chris has gone through, in these videos he's telling us that his own brain is worse. I find it chilling, and very compelling.

(3) Claire

This scene shows Chris and Claire hunting an enemy through a factory. Chris' voiceover line is, "Why did I have to go? Why couldn't it have been someone else?" The siblings shoot the enemy and it falls, and it appears as though they're in some kind of mission training. They have the following conversation.

Claire: "So. I heard that the company shrink thought—" Chris: "So Claire Redfield listens to shrinks now?" Claire: "I'm just asking how my big brother's doing, you jerk." Chris: "Don't worry about me, I don't need any saving." Chris then has a voiceover line: "But I do need to be saved."

A target startles them and Claire shoots, the muzzle flash and the glint of the bullets sending Chris into a flashback. When he comes back to himself, the word Kijuju is written on the wall behind Claire in what looks like blood. Chris mutters "No, no," to himself when he sees it, visibly frightened, but Claire can't see what he's seeing. She asks if he's okay. The tagline plays, and the final clip is Chris staring at his own hands with the training mannequin in the background.

Oh boy, Chris thinking "Why couldn't it have been someone else?" really gets me 😥 Chris has already been through so much, and I could be wrong but I'm not sure if he's ever expressed his displeasure at the direction his life has taken before (in the previous instalments of the franchise, I mean). A big part of Chris' character is his steadiness, his guidance of others, and his determination to see the mission through. He's always so reliable in everyone's eyes that for him to be overwhelmed with the burden of responsibility is just so... ugh. And it's literally shown in this same clip, where he states outright to Claire that he doesn't need saving, then his inner monologue directly disproves that. His thoughts are crying out for someone to help him, and yet he resolutely takes action that goes against his own wants. Does he do that because he thinks he can't ask for help? Does he think he doesn't deserve it?

The third stage of grief is bargaining and anger, and it really shows in his voice line. Him asking "why me?" doesn't come from a place of petulance or entitlement, it comes from a place of pain. A sense of anger at the circumstances leading to the loss is a normal part of grief, and bargaining is a way for the brain to try and gain a sense of control over an uncontrollable situation. The fact that he has those kinds of thoughts at all just shows how much pain he's actually in - we all know he would never let anyone else go find Jill and Wesker on his behalf, that's just not who Chris is. And yet, he falls into the natural mindset of trying to retroactively bargain like any of us would. If he hadn't gone to Kijuju, then he wouldn't be feeling this way. If it had been someone else, then he wouldn't need saving. Why did it have to be him?

And then there's the ending, a solid confirmation in this series that Chris is hallucinating the word Kijuju over and over again. His past haunting him, not just in flashbacks but in reality too. Idk man, I know Resident Evil isn't a psychological horror series and it's probably intentional for them to make that distinction from other survival horror games (e.g. Silent Hill) but this kind of stuff is so spooky and I love it. The fact that this is a promotion for the game is so incredibly smart to me, because it makes the viewer wonder at what Chris possibly could have experienced for him to be reacting this way in the aftermath - Chris, who has only ever been shown to be very competent, calm, and determined. Ugh. So good.

(4) Bridge (TW talk of suicide and self-harm)

The clip opens with the sounds of an engine and some frantic driving. His VO line is, "I hope there's something waiting for me out there." Chris stops his truck on top of a bridge and approaches the railing. He looks out for a moment, then climbs up onto the edge. "No matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to escape my memories." The flashing light of an alarm triggers a flashback. When he comes to, he's sitting near his truck. His jacket is gone, and he's shaking. He sees his fingers are covered in blood, and when he looks at his arm he sees Kijuju scratched into his skin. "I guess the more horrors that get seared into your brain, the less likely you are to forget."

I was not prepared when I first saw this one, let me tell you, and I still get sad watching it 😔 The imagery speaks for itself I think, and it pretty solidly captures the fourth stage of grief, depression. It appears Chris drove to the bridge with the intent to take his own life, and it was actually the flashback that brought him back from the edge. It very much encompasses his line, "No matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to escape my memories." He is quite literally trying to escape his memories, his life, and it is quite literally his memories that prevent him from doing so.

The first part of his voice line for this commercial seems to be his hope for an afterlife? And that kinda just hits home even further - he hopes there's something better waiting for him, something far away from the memories. Although, considering the rest of the series and the guilt he clearly feels, maybe he hopes for absolution. Maybe he hopes for his sins to be punished. Hm.

As a little note, I have no idea if the Kijuju on his arm was meant to be scratches or not. It looks like it's been painted on, but his fingernails are bloody and there's dripping blood, so he obviously got the blood from somewhere. It could also be a hallucination, like the other written words. Unclear. But it takes the decline of his mental health to a whole new level - not only is he suicidal, he's also harming himself in his fugue state. Poor Chris :(

(5) Back (TW talk of suicide)

The final commercial begins with Chris' voice. "There are some things you can't run from. And there are some things that never die." The camera pans over a room filled with items that seem to resemble parts of RE5, including statues and plants. It's unclear where this is, but it seems like Chris is living there. Chris is sitting, clothed, in a bathtub, talking into a receiver. "The human brain is a complicated bitch; once an image is burned in, it's scarred there forever."

The TV screen in front of the tub randomly turns on, and Chris grabs a handgun from beside him to shoot the TV, which triggers a flashback. Sheva runs through the area and pulls him up from the tub, where he had slumped over facedown in the water throughout his flashback, and he aims at her with the pistol before he realises who she is. She grabs him a towel and tells him, "We got a new assignment." Chris gets up and appears to be himself again, getting ready for the mission while Sheva looks at the walls covered obsessively in writing. Over and over, it reads, They are in Kijuju. It's clear she can see it this time. As they leave the area, Chris' voice line is, "I can't keep letting my memories get the best of me. Luckily, the best way to get rid of old memories is by making new ones."

So there's a lot going on here I'm not fully certain about tbh. I think this is meant to be Chris' home, or at least a current place of residence. The way the place is decorated makes me think Chris is so far gone in his memories that he's started making the area around him mimic Kijuju, with all the plants growing off the walls and the sculptures. The fact that the place looks like an abandoned factory is unexplained though. Chris is sitting in the bathtub talking into a recording device; it looks to me like a landline phone, and I suspect he's recording a voicemail. That, alongside the handgun next to him on the tub leads me to believe he's recording a suicide note - and it seems like all the voice lines in the previous videos are all part of this one recording.

The final stage of grief is acceptance, but I think this video turns that acceptance on its head a bit. "Some things you can't run from, and some things never die." The lines themselves make him seem accepting of his own memories, of the fact that these events will haunt him - in the context of the clip though, his possible second suicide attempt, maybe he's trying to explain to someone why he couldn't try to attempt to live with the memories. And yet, the moment Sheva tells him they have a new mission, he's up and back on his feet, Chris Redfield once more, and with the final voice line things are ostensibly all fixed again. Acceptance. Sure.

But there's no real resolution (not that I would expect one in a commercial series like this) and it would defy the core intent of these videos for Chris to be All Okay again. He's not okay after RE5 - that's the point. Fear you can't forget. What the viewer needs to know is that Chris Redfield is going to carry on and do the next mission like he always does, and isn't that just the sad truth of Chris' entire character? It's that exact theme that leads to Chris' weariness in RE8, asking himself when it all ends. Despite the final lines that seem to shoehorn the entire series in a neat package, I think the fact that despite his clear mental health issues he still gets up and gets the job done is far more telling about the tragedy of Chris' character.

The writing on the walls really makes me think. They are in Kijuju. 'They' being Wesker and Jill, but it's odd that Chris would obsess over that specifically after RE5, seeing as he's already saved Jill and killed Wesker. But then it makes me wonder about those 3 years Chris was looking for them. 'They are in Kijuju' would literally be the thought that started it all, the reason why the events of RE5 happened in the first place. 'They are in Kijuju' would be an obsession, even in his right frame of mind. He'd spent so long looking for Jill that this phrase being seared into his mind makes sense to me. (I mean obviously this would moreso be a big teaser for fans to understand what RE5 is likely to be about, but still.)

Idk man, these clips, while not being canon, fill a void for me about Chris' wellbeing after everything he's been through. He's experienced so much, carried so much, that to see him truly suffer in the aftermath of such a gruelling mission is just kind of cathartic? He's human, and his body and mind aren't infallible. He might be able to make it through the toughest experiences alive, but that doesn't mean there are no consequences. And frankly I just love this approach to promoting a horror game - showing the aftermath is such a smart way to do it. "Look at how the protagonist reacts to living through the RE5 experience! Don't you wanna know what caused it?" That's just good marketing.

Anyway to anyone who made it this far - thanks and hope you enjoyed my rambles 😅🥰

[vedajuno]

every day I wish cr1tikaI had remained a faceless 1k sub guy who just commentated absurdist shit over low quality video game footage instead of going immediately off the DramaAlert Weekend Update YouTuber Brand deep end the second he gained any actual following. we shouldve stopped him when we had the chance

[corazondebeskar-reads]

remember what you're staring at is me

jackson!Joel Miller x f!reader

originally for Febuwhump 2024 Day 8 - found footage | Febuwhump masterlist

words: 2.9k

summary: A videotape is left on your porch one morning, and it changes everything about your budding relationship with Joel Miller.

warnings: Jackson!Joel, some dark!Joel, some soft!Joel, we love a man who contains multitudes, ambiguous ending, I wish I had made this a much longer one shot but oh well, references to The Hospital Incident, oral (f & m receiving), implicit p in v

dividers by @saradika-graphics

You find it on your porch one morning in an old paper bag. Someone’s written right onto the brown wrapping with black crayon—”you need to know the truth.” It seems rather dramatic once you peel back the paper to find a videotape. 

It's not high quality—the footage is fuzzy and crudely edited together. But there’s just no mistaking the man on the screen. 

Joel and Ellie came into your life when they arrived for the second time in Jackson. You had heard the gossip the first time, but never met the pair. 

You met him fairly quickly when he swung by with a torn jacket, gruff and blunt but polite. Steady. “They, uh, said to ask you about some mending?” 

“Sure thing,” you say easily, smiling at the very handsome stranger. “Let me take a look.”

It was a casual thing, the sewing, and you liked it that way. You didn’t make anything, didn’t haul things to the market. You spun the wool for those who did craft things, and then you kept to your little projects at night.

The push and pull of the needle was the meditation you needed to keep going every day, even now, even safe here in this bubble. Something productive, something to keep your trembling hands busy and your mind blank. 

And in return, you got company and conversation. Most folks knew your services could be bought with a warm drink or baked good, a promise of a favor you’d never call for.

“How long?” he asks, voice flat and serious, but it didn’t prick at you, didn’t land as rough as it set out. 

“Not long,” you muse, looking over the tear—a knife gash of some sort, and the thin lining that peeked out. “Ten minutes if you just want it sewn up, or if you give me a day, I can get it properly stuffed.”

“Sewn, please.” 

Please. You like that. Manners at the end of the world. 

“You sure? Be a lot warmer if I fill it out.” 

“I don’t—” he scowls at the ground. “I barely have anythin’ to offer ya for the mending.”

You want to tell him it’s on the house, call it a welcome basket, but he’s holding out what he does have to offer and your jaw drops just a little, lips parting to make way for a soft, pleased “oh” that has him straightening up. 

“I can find somethin’ else,” he says.

“Oh, no. That’s… amazing,” you say, taking the jar into your hands and popping the lid. They certainly aren’t potent, not like you remember, but oh, you could die from just the faint smell of the cinnamon sticks. “This is… more than enough. I’ll owe you, I reckon.”

“I dunno about that,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“Seriously,” you say, eyes wide. You set the jar on the counter. “For that, I’ll get the whole thing done tonight.” After all, the delay had only been so you could go to bed. 

“Y’ain’t got to do that, I don’t mean to be a bother.”

You brush him off and start gathering your supplies. If you steep the thread in tea for a bit, you think, you might be able to get close to the color of the fabric.

He turns down a cup when you offer but does take a seat at the table. He’s as stiff as your late husband’s favorite bourbon, but the blunt edges grow a little duller when you don’t try to keep up small talk.

The bright overhead light casts him in shadow, deepening the circles under his eyes and drooping his wrinkles in inky black. But his eyes are bright and curious as he watches you start to add unspun wool from your stockpile into the jacket, trying to shape and layer it evenly through the inside. You have to make a couple incisions but keep them tight to the hemlines and existing stitching.

The thread dries quickly with the hearth raging and he speaks for the first time as you weave it through the needle’s eye.

“What’s that?” 

“It’s a threader,” you say, offering it to him to see after you’ve pulled it loose. “I, um. I’m not as dexterous as I used to be and I can’t say my sight’s as keen, either. Makes it easier to use these damn tiny needles. Luckily, it wasn’t a very in-demand item when people were raiding shops.” 

“Huh,” is all he says, sliding it back across the table to you. 

The stitching is quick and rote. You’re used to people pouring out their life stories and desires and drama when they sit at your table or on your sofa, feet kicked up on your coffee table while you sew. 

But this silence with Joel is warm, too. You’re almost regretful the job didn’t take longer.

You stand up and he follows, pushing his chair neatly back into its place. He takes the coat and runs a gentle finger across the original wound.

“Thank you,” he says earnestly. 

You give him a wan smile, never having found those words to settle right in your skin. “Nice meeting you, Joel,” you say instead. “You know where to find me if you need anything else.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he says, and lets himself out. 

You lock the door behind him and wonder why you feel so energized. That tea was decaf, after all. And a little fuzzy, if you were totally honest, but you weren’t going to dump it down the drain just over a few fibers. 

One day when he comes, it’s with a bundle of thick socks and another, smaller jacket. Not a difficult job, but the gift he brings to trade knocks you off kilter so hard that you have to sit down.

“Not sure if it’ll be any use to you, but figured you’d know someone who can use it if you don’t,” he says, looking at the floor.

You’ve gotten to know him a little better, though his visits are few and far between. But he’s gotten more comfortable around town, more interested in following that wild daughter of his than hiding away. 

Sometimes, he’ll even sit at your table in the mess. You’d even go as far to say that the two of you were friends.

So you can tell what he’s trying so hard not to project. He’s nervous.

It looks almost like a desk lamp with its sturdy base and bent wooden arm, but in place of a shade and bulb is a hoop. You recognize it immediately and your stomach swoops. It’s an embroidery stand and you might faint just from that, just from having a steady way to hold the fabric tight as you sew. 

But that isn’t all. He shows you how to turn the peg that loosens the grip of the handle on the side, a raw hewn thing that doesn’t match the worn stain of the stand. You’re burning, head spinning, and the fuzzy darkness at the edges of the world stop you from focusing on the gift. 

The carved handle, he says, with hands curling around either side of you, has been partially hollowed to accommodate the end of the magnifying glass. You can raise and lower it with the peg and rotate the handle to use the other side of the glass.

“Joel,” you say uncertainly. He doesn’t really seem like he’ll want the attention drawn to it, but you have to know. “Did you make that?”

“Nah,” he scoffs. “Just added the glass is all.”

“Just added the glass,” you echo in a whisper. But you know he doesn’t mean he only attached it. He made the entire attachment and fit it onto the stand. 

His ears are red and he won’t look at you. 

You set a cautious hand on his arm where it reaches across your shoulder, still resting on the table. He’s caging you in from where he leaned over to demonstrate. “Joel, this is incredible. This is… this is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.”

“Ain’t a big deal,” he mumbles but he doesn’t shake off your hand. “Just saw it and thought it might be useful.”

You feel emboldened by his kindness, so you curl your hand around his bicep. “Can I thank you?”

He looks down at you now, seeking something that he must find, confirmation in your blown out pupils and parted lips, and nods. 

He doesn’t break away as you slip from the chair to sink onto your knees or when your fingers loop around his belt to pry it open. 

“Tell me if I’m reading this wrong,” you say, voice tight. 

He shakes his head. “You’re not.” His voice is the rumble of thunder breaking a tense summer night. 

You don’t bother removing his belt, simply knocking it open to reach for his zipper. 

You’re about to tug his pants down when the door opens. 

“Hey sugar,” Tommy drawls, “all my fuckin boxers have holes. Can you help a guy out? Promise they’re cle—“

His loud mouth gave just enough warning for Joel to pull his shirt down over his belt and for you to fumble at rolling the cuff of one pant leg up just so, reaching for a pin. 

“Oh hey, Joel!” Tommy says happily. “Finally fixin’ those ratty old things?” 

It’s a fucking miracle that he’s in these jeans, his favorites. Actually, it’s not, he wears them all the time, and they’re just a little too long so the bottoms are torn up. 

“Guess so,” Joel scowls. He’ll have to finally let you hem them now. 

“Just leave ‘em on the table, Tommy,” you say around the needle between your teeth. “And tell Maria to stop bein’ so rough with them.”

He throws his head back and laughs. “She can’t help it, sugar. I’m irresistible, see?” He claps his brother on the back and takes his leave. 

You slump a little, sighing as you set the needle on the table before moving to resume your activity. 

But Joel steps back. “I should get goin’,” he says. The line between his brow is cavernous and his lips are tugged down at the corners. 

“Oh. Okay,” you say, and pull yourself up with a hand clutching the table. 

“So. Thanks again,” he says. And then he’s gone. 

You let yourself drop dramatically into a chair, groan growing as it turns physical when your tailbone hits the seat wrong. 

You’re rubbing your forehead and thinking about going to bed to give yourself a pity orgasm when the door opens. He’s quiet and cautious, but he pushes the door shut behind him and locks it. 

“M’sorry,” he says. “I…”

“It’s okay,” you say with a tired smile. “I understand.”

“No, you don’t,” he says, offering you a hand. 

You take it and let him pull you to standing. 

His other hand finds your waist. “I was bein’ a coward.”

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable—”

“Darlin’, you couldn’t,” he says. His arm slides further around, pulling you to him in a gentle embrace. He looks down at you through heavy lids, watching the way your lips part just a little. “You still want this?”

You bring a hand up to cup at the hair that curls down the nape of his neck. “Please,” you whisper. 

He matches your motion, cradling your head in his palm as he dips his head to kiss you. He wastes no time, licking into your welcoming mouth, seeking out the earthiness of the tea still lingering on your tongue and the sweet shiver of goosebumps prickling across his skin as you wind your fingers into his hair.

“Shit,” he mumbles when you break away for air. “What do you want, baby? What can I have? You gotta tell me now, before I can’t think straight.”

“You can have whatever you want, Joel,” you say, hot breath brushing his swollen lips before he presses them to you again with a growl.

It’s a much quicker kiss, and he breaks away to drop to his knees and push your skirt up to your hips. You have to lean back with both hands clenching the edge of the table not to fall over in shock.

He nuzzles against the soft cotton of your panties and groans at the smell of your wet cunt. He mouths at it gently over the fabric before hooking his finger around the gusset and pulling it aside to part your lips with his tongue. 

“Not fair,” you gasp as he feasts. “I was supposed to—supposed to do that for you.”

“You said whatever I want, darlin’,” he says against your pussy, chasing the taste of you. 

“Fuck,” you pant. “Fuck.” 

“Gimmie one and I’ll let you suck my cock if ya want it so bad,” he says, plunging two thick fingers in and basking in the way you squeal and squirm. He doesn’t give you a chance to adjust, pistoning in and out like he’s trying to win a race. 

It works, with his tongue on your clit and his fingers against that soft, secret part of you that no one has touched before, you gush around where he spreads you. “That’s it,” he croons, “good girl. Good fuckin’ girl, give me another.”

“You said—”

He cuts you off by sucking on your clit and your hips rock, wobbling the table as he takes another from you anyway. 

“Couch or bed?” he says, tugging your panties down your legs now that he’s sated the immediate urge. 

“Don’t care,” you say.

“Alright, bed,” he says. “Wanna do this right.” 

“Don’t think you could do it wrong,” you say, a lazy, sated smile on your face and a lightness to your eyes that he thinks he could get addicted to. 

He does let you suck his cock, and thinks maybe he could die happy from the warm, wet of your mouth and the way you look up at him like he’s the only thing in the world. 

At that moment, he is. You had resigned yourself to keeping your little crush a secret until it faded, too fond of him to risk it, but here? Now? Now that you’ve had him, you don’t think you can ever go back. 

He’s gentle in a way you can’t quite name. It’s not that he’s soft with you, but just aware. Like he knows where you’re capable of meeting him and settles there. He makes room for himself in you like you’d done for his coat, opening you up and stuffing you until you’re warm and full and renewed. 

He doesn’t leave you to stitch yourself up, either. He buries his face in your tits and holds you tight after, cleans the both of you up with a warm towel, and kisses you before he leaves.

Neither of you want him to go, but he’s got Ellie at home and won’t—can’t—worry her by not coming home. Not without warning. Next time, he whispers, and it carries a question and a promise. 

There is a next time. And another. And another. You think you might be in trouble. You do far less mending jobs once your evenings are taken over by Joel. You still take them, darning socks on the soft with your feet in his lap, or basking in the way he looks proud and satisfied when you use the stand to fix up bigger projects. Some of your favorite nights are when he sits and strums his guitar while you sew, just two people finding peace by creating it themselves. Together. 

So when eight months later, that tape finds its way into the VCR you’ve only used twice, you’re more than familiar with the bulking shape of him. The way his hair sticks up when he runs worried hands through it. The grip of those hands, sure and steady.

He finds you there on your third viewing. You didn’t even hear him come up the porch, didn’t realize the sun was starting to crest over the mountains, that he’d be coming by with breakfast just like he promised.

The little Joel on screen is working his way to the operating room. You’ve stopped flinching at each crack of the gun or collapsing body. 

“Where the hell did you get that?” 

You do startle when he speaks, unaware that he’d been watching you watch the tape for a minute. His voice is low and slow, something lurking beneath the baritone that trips an alarm. 

This isn’t your Joel. This is that one, the one from the TV. 

He moves like a jaguar, slinking and graceful. “Where,” he snarls, breath curling off your clammy skin, “did you get this?” His hand curls around your shoulder at the base of your neck. 

“It was on my porch,” you whisper. 

His fingers dig in a little where he holds you in place. “Try again.”

“It’s the truth, I swear. I didn’t know what it was.” 

“How much did you watch?”

“All of it,” you whisper, though it feels like the click of a lock.

“Goddamnit, baby. Why’d you have to do that?” 

There’s an actual click, the unmistakable flick of a release. 

“Joel, please,” you say, voice breaking. “I won’t tell anyone, I promise.”

“I can’t take that chance,” he says. 

He still hasn’t brought the knife close to you, though, so you hazard a glance over your shoulder. You wish you hadn’t. He’s gone, his sweet eyes dead to the world, no whisper of his gentleness to be found. 

“I swear, please. You can trust me.” 

“Can’t trust anyone in this world, darlin’. You shoulda realized that by now.”

*title from "Through Glass" by Stone Sour

[calicomarie11]

Bobby sits in the mess tent, or crafty as he’s been told to call it, and looks around as the cast and crew of Hotshots enjoys a long lunch break. They are setting up for a big rescue scene later in the day, so lunch is a leisurely affair. It’s quite the contrast to meals in the firehouse, always on alert for the bell to ring and Bobby finds that it’s hard to break the habit of decades and just enjoy his food.

It’s good, the craft services team top notch on such a popular show, and Bobby may need to see if he can wheedle the recipe for the pasta salad out of the head chef. He’s just looking around to see if he can spot the chef when he ducks down, trying to hide. David and Bryan, the actors playing Sandy and Ricky respectively are heading his way.

They seem like good kids, but at this point Bobby has been subtly, and not so subtly, pumped for information about the members of his team by most of the cast and crew. He has also been informed about the Randy situation and can guess the types of questions these two have.

David sets down his tray across from Bobby and takes a seat on the bench and Bryan slides in next to him. Bobby looks down at his half finished tray in dismay. He really wants to eat the gourmet meal he picked and he really doesn’t want to talk to the actors playing the counterparts of his firefighters.

“G’day, mate, enjoying your sambo?” David asks, and it still surprises Bobby to hear the thick Australian accent when he’s not in character.

Bobby can feel his eyebrows raising. “Sambo?”

“Sorry, sandwich,” Bryan jumps in, elbowing David in the ribs. “He forgets not everyone speaks Crocodile Dundee.”

David flips Bryan the bird while frowning at him.

“Yes, it’s a very good sandwich. I was just about to track down the chef to give him my compliments,” Bobby says, starting to rise from the table.

“Wait, man,” Bryan reaches out to grab Bobby’s forearm. “We won’t take much of your time, it’s just, the crew’s been talking and it seems like you’re a firefighting legend.”

David jumps in “And you’ve been there for all these emergencies really saving people. That’s wicked.”

Bobby sits back down, unwillingly charmed by their clear enthusiasm. “It’s not all dramatic rescues and close escapes. Usually it’s heartburn masquerading as a heart attack and fender benders.”

“But still, you save lives, man. You’re a real hero,” Bryan says. “And we want to be respectful, right, when we’re portraying real people.”

Bobby nods. It must be odd to pretend to be someone who really exists. He remembers that catfishing incident Buck went through in his first year and how much he hated the idea of someone impersonating him. He knows it’s one of the reasons Buck has refused to watch the show.

“So…the real Buck and Eddie, are they as close as Sandy and Ricky are? Like the will thing has to be an invention of the show, right?” Bryan asks, leaning forward eagerly.

Bobby sighs, mad he let himself be caught. “Look, Buck and Eddie are friends, they work well together, and Eddie trusts Buck with his kid and has a complicated relationship with his parents.”

“Shit, so the will thing is true?” David asks, wide eyed.

And Bobby really wishes that he didn’t know the answer to that question, but Buck had talked to him about it after he found out and apparently told Taylor about it too, so the cat’s out of the bag on that one. “Yes, Buck is in Eddie’s will, but they are just friends.”

David and Bryan exchange looks and Bobby can tell they don’t believe him.

Bryan says “It’s just, we’ve seen the YouTube clips and news footage of some of your rescues.”

“Like the well collapse,” David interrupts “when Buck was trying to dig Eddie out by hand and howling. That seemed like more than just losing a co-worker.”

“Buck has a big heart. He would have reacted that way if any of his team was trapped. The kid never gives up, which is one of his best and worst qualities.” Bobby says. Time to nip this speculation in the bud. “Besides, Buck is very happy with his boyfriend.”

The boys expressions are matching ones of shock. “Buck is gay?” David breathes out.

And now Bobby has a moment to wonder if he should have kept that to himself, but it’s not like Buck’s public instagram page isn’t plastered with photos of him and Tommy, the profile picture a photo from his first Pride wearing a “Proud Bisexual” t-shirt and a rainbow boa.

“Bisexual, actually. He’s dating a firefighter and they are good for each other.” Bobby hopes this is still true, since it’s been hard to find time to connect with his team now that they don’t work together. Maybe he should see if he’s allowed to have visitors on set, invite the team to meet their counterparts.

“Good on him,” David says. “Hey, you should tell Tom about that, maybe I can get a bisexual storyline this season.” He looks positively giddy at the possibility.

Bryan rolls his eyes and nudges David’s shoulder. “I swear, you’re the biggest Randy fan here.”

“Hey, I didn’t say you had to be included. I just want my character to get his person, didn’t say it had to be you.”

“Sorry man, but I think Taylor might have something to say about that. Aren’t you still dating ‘Tiffany’ this season?” Bryan says.

“Pfft. We all know that didn’t last.” David scoffs.

Bobby has been lucky so far to not have run into Taylor Kelly on the set. He’d hoped she wasn’t involved in the day to day filming, but it sounds like the actors are familiar with her. He’ll have to keep his eyes peeled so he can steer clear of her.

He looks down at his tray and realizes he’s managed to finish up his meal while the two actors were bickering. “Well, gentlemen, this has been fun, but I have a recipe to track down.” He leaves the table, the sounds of the two actors behind him bantering a familiar soundtrack. They may not be his team, but they’ll do for now.

(Read on AO3)

[cornflowershade]

as mentioned, the footage I got of GemFourth and PondPhuwin today!!! 💕 (yes my phone quality sucks in low light/on zoom but i'm posting this for my own joy and memories primarily <3) the beginning and end has the clearest stuff bc they were standing closer there :) full screen on a laptop will give the clearest view! ANYWAY IT WAS LITERALLY SO AMAZING TO SEE THEM!! i was smiling so hard the whole time and the energy of everybody excited to see them was super fun 🥺 They were like. Right there??? Real?? (And yes, just as lovely in person.) Honestly I wasn't even sure if I'd be able to see them by showing up outside an invite-only fashion show event but I'm so glad I tried because I DID and I was so thrilled!! <3 It felt so cool 😭 Like they were here! In my country! In a city that feels like home! In front of my eyes!

The closest area to the walkway was super crowded with a bunch of ppl climbed up onto this metal structure thing(?) which I was able to get in front of at the very end, but in order to have a good view when they were on the boat, I stood on top of a stone table lol. I met a girl with an Eclipse hat at the event and she joined me up there—it was fun to have someone to talk to and make comments with. (At one point she was like 'wish we could get their attention' and then we joked that we should just blare Hit Me Up lmao.) Also the vid is so blurry and idk if it really caught it, but when Gem waved from the boat he started out in our direction (which had far less people, none of them waving or yelling) right after I started waving widely his way?? so I'm gonna pretend he waved at me because I'm like 95% certain that he did, especially since his eyes were pointed more table-level and not ground-level at the start. Maybe I'm delusional but I'm gonna let myself have that and trust the HD that was my eyes 😂

Later Fourth waved at the group where a bunch of ppl (including me) were standing which was very sweet and I was happy to have somehow climbed very close to the front. Speaking of which, Fourth is so smiley! Also very cutely small. (Definitely theorizing he’s lying about his height haha.) Also all 4 were closest to me at the very end and I was so hyped about that but my phone DIDN'T RECORD IT?? So uh. rip. But regardless. It was such a special adventure getting there and then seeing them and experiencing the whole vibe. This was such an amazing evening I'm !! <333

and then i freaked out all over again when I got home and told my mom because I was like "omg i've literally vidded all 4 of them before and now I saw them??" which threw my brain for another loop hahaha. Anyway now i want to go to a fanmeet someday even MORE like CAN YOU IMAGINE. ok enough rambling gn y'all

[jegskalfiksedet]

Ok, unfiltered 4 minutes ep 1 reactions, in a chronological order (some KP references innevitable)

- wait, staaph, they both die? this really is going to be sad isn’t it

- bibs in his brat era, we stan (also Bible, on my screen, in such a quality project finalllyyyyyyy!!)

- 👀 iS THAT AKIRA??

- we love getting over with the product placement in the first couple of minutes of starting the series

- ok, BOC, coming in real strong with the cinematography

- Bas in his Kinn era 🕺

- boy, you did not just try and do a hit and run, cmon do better

- jesus , cinematography x2

- aww, leave it to job to bring us comedic relief

- oh, so he’s (Jes) going to be the cold and the emotionally stilted one, iiinteresting. acting on point

- i dont think ER had this much actual surgery footage, they really are going for ‘establishing the characters’ in this one

- hahahah, the evil masterplan really is a sweaty online gambling farm, hahah what a concept

- ‘you should find a time to look at them’ .. proceeds to lock the all important papers back up

- oh they’re sweet…

- ohhh, okay…OKAyyy… 🌐🌐

- talking to your partner? caring for your partners comfort? and their pleasure? in a bl? actors being able to act as if they’re actually in the scene and want to be there? 🫡

- great, baby! the pathetic energy is strong with this one.

- *fails to light up a cigarette on the first go* ��god’ - me when faced with any little inconvenience

- ‘are you on drugs??’ ‘naah’ - the ‘but atm wish i was’ left unsaid

- of course he’s taking care of a granny, of. course 😄 (bib’s characters really go for the granny-bois don’t they)

- sfxs and the overall sound design is soo on point throughout. but the mics, what is it with bls and the mics and audio clipping

- ok, ‘4’, clocks, we get it 😅

- hospital scenes - acctiiinnngggg. I am hooked

A sparknotes summary - in a league of it’s own.

[thankskenpenders]

There have been some interesting bits of Sonic-related news lately! This is the post where I comment on them.

Sonic Superstars

Finally! A new Sonic sidescroller! It's been too long.

Admittedly, in a perfect world, I would've wanted a Sonic Mania 2, but I'll take a 2.5D game with all new zones for sure, especially when the art direction for it looks this nice. And four-player co-op with Sonic, Tails, Knuckles AND Amy playable? Hell yeah. Also Fang is back, and there's a new funny little guy designed by Naoto Ohshima! Wow!

There's been some concern over how this will play, particularly after it was discovered it's being co-developed by Ohshima's company Arzest. They're perhaps best known for some mediocre Nintendo games like Yoshi's New Island, Hey! Pikmin, and the 3DS version of Mario & Sonic 2016, as well as, of course... co-production on Balan Wonderworld. The thing is, Arzest is very much one of those "silent collaborator" type companies. They're hired gun developers who do the grunt work on projects for other studios without being put in the spotlight. The quality of their games isn't really up to Arzest, who are presumably just doing whatever they're directed to do with whatever resources they're allotted. It's up to their publishers.

Based on the side-by-side physics comparisons that have been going around Twitter, it seems clear that SOMEONE on this project is invested in making Superstars play just like the classic games. I'm admittedly no Sonic physics purist, but the extended gameplay footage (with placeholder music from Sonic 4 Episode 2) looks spot on to me. Christian Whitehead also seems to know things about the game, stating that "the Mania physics were indeed fully translated to modern 3D." It seems that at the very least they consulted his previous work on this, regardless of whether or not he's actually involved.

But even if this ends up not being true, honestly, I'll take a new Sonic sidescroller that's "just okay" if it has all new zones, nice art direction, and good music. If Sonic 4 had checked those three boxes but played exactly the same, I would've been way more into it.

Really, it's the music that has me most concerned. Obviously we all love Jun Senoue, but hearing he's trying to do "classic-style" music again makes me worry that he's gonna bust out the fake Genesis synths. I'm actually a weirdo who likes the Classic Sonic stage themes in Forces, but those weren't by Senoue, whose otherwise very strong compositions were really hurt by the sound palette chosen for Sonic 4. Like many others, I'd prefer it if Superstars went for the new jack swing sound of Sonic Mania - and considering Tee Lopes is contributing, hopefully he's allowed to tap into that sound a little. But I'd be open to other styles, too. I just really don't think a game with HD visuals should be going for a fake 16-bit sound.

But yeah, overall, I'm looking forward to Superstars. I think we've needed something like this for a long time, and I'm glad they're finally doing it.

Sega union update

We don't have many details on this, but the newly forming Sega of America union, AEGIS-CWA, is facing resistance from management. Apparently some form of "anti-union campaign" (their wording) is underway, also described more worryingly as "relentless attempts at union busting." We unfortunately don't have more details right now, and it seems like no news outlets are doing anything with this story.

This behavior is unfortunately not surprising, even from a company that purports progressive values like Sega. Remember kids: corporations are not your friends.

In the face of this, the members of AEGIS-CWA are still trying to convince management to stay neutral with the help of their fan petition that raised over 4300 signatures. At the time of writing this, their first union election is also underway. I continue to wish them luck in their efforts. We're currently seeing a wave of unionization attempts the likes of which we've never seen before, and I have to hope that at least some of them stick. We need real change in the game industry, an industry where if you're able to stick around longer than ten years without burning out then you're one of the lucky ones.

Okay now time for the thing y'all really wanted me to comment on

Penders says he's leaving Twitter

Earlier this month, Penders announced: "Since Twitter is promoting anti-trans nonsense, I can’t in good conscience continue to be associated with it much longer."

He's certainly not wrong. Elon's been doubling down on his transphobic fearmongering, and Twitter's already weak moderation of hate speech has only gotten even weaker. (They quietly removed their rule against intentional misgendering in April.) But based on the date he tweeted this, I assume Ken was referring specifically to Elon promoting Matt Walsh's shit ass transphobic documentary, which Elon personally allowed to be hosted on Twitter in its entirety. I'd quit the site myself if it didn't feel necessary to promote my work and stay connected with my peers. (Both the furry community and the gamedev sphere are very much centered on Twitter.) Assuming Ken does actually leave in protest, hey, good on him.

There's been some surprise over the fact that he's apparently a trans ally, but for all his many flaws, Penders has always been your average baby boomer Democrat. Half his tweets are about hoping Trump goes to jail. He has many outdated views that he refuses to unpack (I am not going to devolve this post into a catalog of stupid shit he's tweeted), but he at least understands that "progressive" is a thing you should try to be. He's that uncle who you wouldn't go to for a nuanced view on queer identity, but like, he knows trans people exist and are discriminated against and that that's bad.

Of course, instead of just leaving Twitter, he's announced that he intends to leave by September 30th, after which point people will have to contact him via his website. The idea of someone scheduling a date four months in the future on which they're going to leave a social media platform in protest is very, very funny to me. I wonder if he has something planned for September that needs to happen first - like, you know, maybe finally releasing at least a portion of The Lara-Su Chronicles?

Lord knows when the hell we'll be able to read the first part of the comic, but in the near future you WILL be able to buy THIS on a t-shirt!

Wait did he change that one character from Anthony Mackie to Ernie Hudson???

Anyway, my one hope is just that even if he does leave Twitter, he doesn't delete his account. His tweets have long been one of my most important sources for behind the scenes info on Archie Sonic, even if you do have to take some of it with a grain of salt. Gallagher and Bollers are simply not going on Twitter and talking about this stuff on a regular basis like Ken does. With so many old forums and fan sites now gone, only partially preserved by the Wayback Machine, Ken deleting his Twitter would truly be the burning of the library of Alexandria for old Archie Sonic behind the scenes drama.

You know, assuming he actually does leave Twitter.

...

Aaaand that about does it for Sonic-related news lately, I think? Okay, back to my hiatus. I would still like to get back to updating sometime this year, but I'm still in recovery mode following SLARPG's launch, so I can't promise when that'll be. I appreciate everyone's continued patience!

[kisxland]

okay, now that i had some time to think about the watcher situation, i want to say something.

we don't need high quality production shows. we never asked for it. all they need is a camera and three hours of editing, and they'll have a video we want to watch. hell, they don't even need to edit anything, i would watch hours of raw footage of them just talking and having fun. it was never about the production. It was about the dynamics, the banter, the genuine humor.

actually, now that i think of it, the major reason why i stopped watching the content was because there was so much production behind it that it didn't felt genuine anymore.

i get that they want to make content like that and i get that running a company is not easy and they have a team to pay, but i don't think that throwing a subscription at your teenage, broke, foreign audience is going to help.

and i hate to say this, but when you cultivate your content to center around a younger audience, they simply won't have the established fanbase for a move like this.

i love watcher, i love the boys, this is in no way a hate post. i wish them the best, and if they genuinely think this is the best course of action for their careers i hope they succeed and watcher continues growing and expanding their content, but i just can't see myself paying to watch something that was already free before.

[missinconsistent]

You can tell people who don't watch Niji are really scrambling to find anything to hate about the AR Live because they just don't want any of the livers to celebrate any accomplishments. But if anyone is actually taking the opinions of those who didn't even watch the damn event at face value, here is my take on some of the "issues" these people are complaining about:

Long read.

THE GRADUATED LIVERS:

Pomu's, Nina's, and Mysta's voice were kept because it was a decision by the livers to be included for the fans. The remaining livers re-recorded their live stages after the others graduated, but some people actually think Niji was just showing 1-year-old footage, which would take some insane editing skills. The graduated livers' voices were part of the back track, not as part of the live singing. Their vocals were only heard for debut songs, too. There is also a weird narrative that the voices of the graduated livers should not have been allowed when there is no problem with it. Those graduated livers still support their friends and were more than happy to be included in AR Live even after graduating.

SELEN AND PASTEL STAGE:

It makes sense why Selen had to be cut from AR Live. There would be a lot more heat if they kept her in after her termination than to just roll with it since, unlike the graduated livers, Selen was terminated not long after already recording AR Live back in November last year.

I get it's upsetting many things had to be cut from Pastel Stage, but it's not just getting all the livers to Japan, but also booking the venue, getting the 3D riggers, stage staff, choreographers, and more. They'd have to push the AR Live concert even further after canceling the initial one. It honestly makes sense that they'd cut content rather than spend the resources to re-record it for a THIRD time. And since everyone wants the Niji to take better care of their livers' mental health, then not overworking them on this overdue project is a start.

3D MODELS AND RIGGING:

Apparently, someone paid the money to hate-watch AR Live so they could spread screenshots to make it look bad, despite the strict copyright rule not to share screenshots (which of course would lead to a DMCA). Frankly, if anyone is going to judge the quality of the whole 3-hour concert based on snippets and not actually bother to watch it, then they can't make the conclusion that the 3D models were bad. Although it's weird that someone did pay to sit through a 3-hour concert without having any intention of enjoying it to begin with.

I watched the concert, and the 3D models looked good, in my opinion. Nijisanji is known to have better 3D rigging compared to their competitors. The team that did the models and rigging did a perfectly fine job and it's pretty insulting to put it down because you chose to look at it under a microscope and pinpoint any instance where it might have looked off. A lot of the choreography (especially Shu's Shanti 🪑) and the variety games show how good the rigging can look, and it seems unfair to not look at those examples alongside the bad ones.

CONCLUSION

I feel like the Niji hate at this point is getting ridiculous. There's plenty of real reasons to not like Niji. If you want to "SiNk tHe yAtCht" so bad, you can boycott it and not spend money to hate-watch their concert, lol. Drama channels finding anything to talk about AR Live when they haven't even watched it is just another example of how little integrity they have to report hearsay. And it's tiring to always hear people looking at any possible negative thing to say when the livers and their fans are just being happy..?

Don't get me wrong, I have my criticisms of the company. I've aired it out before. Especially after Selen's termination. Hell, it's not like I don't have my own critique of AR Live. I also wish fans got more Pastel Stage. I also wish the first AR Live wasn't canceled. But by no means do I think the AR Live we got was bad.

I left the concert feeling elated and overall had way more positive thoughts about it than any negative ones. And it has me looking forward to future AR Live concerts. Other 3D debuts. And other projects like NijiEncounter.

Anyways, Niji antis can and will keep obsessively bitching about Niji, and then say "cope and seethe" when someone tells them to take a chill pill. But Niji AR Live did really well. The fans are proud of the livers' hard work to make it happen. There will be more positive things to come for Niji enjoyers. But if antis want to keep writing their own fan fiction that tells them otherwise, there's no point in changing their mind, lol.

For fans that want to keep supporting their livers, or any sane person that wants to see Niji better themselves, please don't let the hate keep you from celebrating any wins, big or small, that the livers are accomplishing.

[lillifaba]

Here's why I'm still unimpressed with the Wicked movie trailer

A while ago I made a post explaining my thoughts on the Wicked teaser trailer. A lot of it was mostly negative due to the poor CGI, acting, lines etc... Well the official trailer dropped and I've got some new thoughts both good and bad. This is going to be way longer than my last post because I'm going to go into detail about why I think this movie won't live up to the musical by comparing it to other movies and musicals. I'll also be talking about some scenes from the featurette.

THIS IS JUST MY OPINION SO FAR ON WHAT WE SEE IF YOU LIKE THE TRAILER OR LIKE ANY OF THE ACTORS THEN DON'T GET YOUR PANTIES IN A TWIST MY WORD ISN'T GOSPEL NOR IS IT MY FINAL OPINION ON THE MOVIE.

Starting off with things I liked:

I'm actually starting to warm up to Cynthia as Elphaba. In my last post I argued I didn't entirely see her as Elphaba mainly because it was obvious she's a thirty seven year old playing an eighteen year old. While I still believe she doesn't pass for younger Elphie and her simple "I am" comeback is weak, hearing more of her lines and performance is actually on point with Elphaba's character. I wouldn't be against her revisiting Elphaba on stage after the movie. Bottom line: I think she's a great singer and am happy a fellow WOC is playing Elphie.

Holy shit that witch cackle gave me goosebumps. It might be the editing and sound in the trailer that makes me feel that way so we'll have to see when it happens in the movie.

Michelle Yeoh???? Like hello? Although she seems more toned down compared to the campy personality MM has on stage, she plays the role of the evil villain quite well. (I'm sad she had to stop using her beautiful Malaysian accent ;_; I hope it was by her choice and not by the choice of the executives.)

Some set designs look quite nice. I'm particularly curious about the scene where The Wizard is dancing around a full size diorama of Oz.

The effects of the grimmerie are quite neat. I despise the new shape of the book, but I think it's cool how instead of going for some floating colorful lights to pass as "look magic oooo", they're going for the spells to be coming out of the pages. Very unique.

And now, on to the negative. This is where I'll be comparing some of the shots and scenes of the trailer to other movies and parts of the musical.

I hate hate hate the CGI. You don't understand I absoultely for forever deeply truly LOATHE the CGI. It cheapens the movie and all that talk and show about how they built up the sets and rainbows showing over their productions goes all out the window when I see those flying monkeys.

Let's talk good CGI vs rushed CGI.

First off I do not blame the VFX artists for this movie looking the way it does so far. VFX artists are one of the most overworked and underpaid workers in the film industry who have to pump out content in a short amount of time. It is also not their fault that audiences are tired of seeing overdone CGI movies every month. It's part of the reason why the Wicked teaser trailer got so much hate when it came out (on top of Ari/🧽, reactionary bros, etc...)

The CGI (mostly in the Emerald City) looks AI generated. Most of my issues with it come from the effects looking poorly rendered. Elphaba flying looks obviously fake. I know they recently touched up some of these scenes but honestly it doesn't make a difference to me at all in quality.

If John Chu and the team behind this movie really cared about this like they insist they do, it wouldn't hurt to take time with the effects. When you do so, you get mind blowing results like this:

Onto other effects: The flying monkeys don't look great. They look poorly rendered along with the rest of the effects. For that I wish they would've stuck to practical effects like Pan's Labyrinth did or literally any character Doug Jones plays like down below.

Heck, even the musical does a better job:

I seriously encourage you to watch B T S footage of Wicked to see how insane and amazing this effect is. Once you see it, you'll realize just how bad the movie fucked up on this.

Bottom line: movies that take their time with CGI effects and utilize other methods like practical effects before leaving everything up to post have better results than your run of the mill CGI Marvel or DC blockbuster.

I'm still not feeling Arianna as Glinda. Before you fans eat me up alive I need to say again I don't hate her and even like some of the stuff she puts out there. This critique is not a reflection on who she is as a person because I don't know her personally. With that out of the way I still cannot stand her Glinda impression. "But Lilli!" You say. "You said you didn't like Ari as Glinda because she's not giving Glinda but she's doing Glinda's voice!" And I stand by that. She's not giving Glinda. She's giving Kristen Chenoweth. You might think that's the whole point of playing Glinda but let me ask you; When you watch Megan Hilty as Glinda, did you think she was imitating KC to the bone? What about Kendra Kassebaum? Ginna Claire Mason or McKenzie Kurtz? Did you think KC was imitating Billie Burke? Or were all of them doing their own interpretations of Glinda that made the character unique to themselves and not a copycat version of the original? Because I argue that's what makes every Glinda special and unique from the previous actress who played her. Doing a copycat rendition of KC makes me believe you have no faith in yourself as an actor and you are incapable of playing character that's been done before without having to copy the source material beat for beat. Because of this, I still cannot seperate Ari the pop star from Glinda The Good.

This point has less to do with Ari as Glinda in the movie and more as what she's doing to promote the movie. I have no idea where else to rant about it but here. I hate hate HATE how Arianna is making this movie and Glinda her ENTIRE personality. She acts like she's part of this fandom yet never interacts with anyone in it (unless its directly involves her) and it all feels so... artificial and money grabbing. Someone please tell me I'm not alone. Like girl please call me when you read and write fanfic on AO3 and get three kudos on your multichap fic lol.

DTL: Again I ask, WHY IS THIS MOVIE SO DARK? DTL is meant to be in a ballroom with tons of bright lights and projections. This ballroom looks so dark and depressing. I'm not thinking "let's dance because dust is what we come to" I'm thinking "turn me into dust already." When I saw Elphaba putting that hat on in the teaser trailer, I thought that was a scene in defying gravity. John Chu failed this scene which makes me angry because I this is my favorite scene in the musical.

Adding on to DTL, we have to talk about the scene where Elphaba and Glinda establish their friendship. If you know this scene in the musical (which duh) you'll know that this is where Glinda realizes that she did a horrible thing to Elphie and wants to make things right, even if it means putting her reputation in the gutter in front of her friends. I know this is an edited trailer so we won't know for sure how the full scene plays out in the final movie, but Glinda immediately going for a hug before they start dancing threw me off guard. At this point, they still aren't best friends because Elphaba doesn't realize that Glinda is sorry for what she did, their relationship is only now starting to build up. Let me ask you, what do you think makes a scene more impactful? Glinda hesitantly and nervously walking up to interupt Elphaba doing a solo dance and then cutting in to make her feel less alone, which eventually leads to all while making them ease up around each other as the song and dance progresses OR Glinda rushing into a bear hug with Elphaba before they even establish them making amends on the dance floor? One seems like a slow burn that tugs at your heartstrings while the other feels like a cheap attempt to get some kind of emotional response from the audience? (Then again not sure how this scene will play in movie but it's not looking good right now)

Final point, why is Elphaba crying during this scene? I get she's just been put through public humiliation and is just now getting an act of kindness from someone but don't you think it's too soon to show her in such a vulnerable position? One of the things about Elphaba in both the musical and books is that she's built a wall of apathy around her because she's been judged her whole life and doesn't care how other people percive her. We don't see her breakdown in the musical until Nessa's death because she's been forced to stay strong her entire life. Maybe at the earliest, we'll see her tear up during defying gravity but I'd argue that's a part of the actress playing her and not the character herself.

I hate how this trailer has been edited to make Arianna look like the protagonist. I get she's bringing in a large audience, but she's playing the secondary character, not the main one. It just pisses me that the protagonist (who is a WOC) has to be in the shadow of the white woman. It almost makes me believe they're doing it because they're more worried people would be offended at the prospect of a POC being a leading role.

The main actors still look way too mature to be playing their characters. I spoke about this already. I don't buy any of these adults (with the exception of Marissa Bode) as college freshmen.

Still hate that riff at the end of defying gravity and that after all the backlash, they're still going with it. I also can't believe some of you are defending it to the death and acting like Cynthia Fucking Erivo can't do a better take than what she gave. (Yes, I know every Elphaba does a different take on the riff and we all have our favorite ones but I'm going to say something that is controversial yet brave: Not every riff that every Elphaba does is great. Some of them are range from underwhelming to straight up bad) Here's a reddit post I found that better explains my gripe with the riff since I'm bad at explaining musical terms:

Costume and makeup design is still atrocious. I'm sorry, but the low effort looking costumes cannot hold up to the extravagance and camp the stage has. They should've brought Susan Hilferty back. Look at Elphaba's act 2 dress and the dress movie Elphaba wears and tell me you're not disappointed.

Adding on, why does everything look modern, including the makeup? Arianna using her brand of makeup in the movie doesn't impress me when she's using a modern day mascara wand over her wispy falsies in a 1900's inspired society when she should be using one of these:

Like... come on? Can you imagine a scene of Glinda doing her makeup while she's ranting to Elphaba about how men (except for darling Fifi of course <3) are so entitled and disrespectful and in the middle of her sentence, she just SPITS on her mascara cake, scrubs the brush like she's scrubbing the floor and does her lashes? Iconic honestly.

Adding on to the makeup looking modernized, I'm not a fan of Elphaba's modernized makeup either. It could be the deaging filter they added on everyone older than thirty but one thing that stood out to me is they used 90's era lip liner on her. I'm much aware if you're darker skinned, you will often times need to use a liner in order to blend in parts around your mouth that are darker in comparison to your lips. Counterpoint however:

They could've easily used a dark lipstick post-Popular like they already do. The 1900's era mostly used a single shade of lip color anyways. And no, I don't want to hear from any of you how none of this matters because Oz is an advanced society or some half assed excuse why it's totally okay they didn't care about the miniscule details while they cared about the number of tulips used in Munchkinland for NMTW. (also note: Oz was considered an advanced society FOR THE TIME IT WAS CREATED. Meaning they weren't envisioning the future items we have now like a mascara wand) If they allowed Arianna to use her own brand of makeup for the movie, they could've allowed an expert on BW's makeup history on set for their main protagonist.

Set design. I've got to say, while some of the sets are impressive, they really don't fit into Wicked or Oz. I mostly blame CGI and lighting, but even then, it can't hold up to the simple, yet brightly colored sets we see on stage. Shiz looks like something out of Hogwarts, which nearly every fantasy academia story looks like these days. Can we please have something original for once?

What I would've enjoyed seeing the movie do is something similar to Melanine Martinez's K-12. They were working on one location on a smaller budget, yet it looks better than the dimly lit and CGI sets we're seeing.

Obviously I'm not saying Wicked should look EXACTLY like K-12 because they have completely different themes and genres, but my point is good lighting, original set designs and color correcting can take you a long way. Wicked is deserving of having the same whimsy look that the WOZ movie had, while still having dark parts where needed.

Some more examples of good use of lighting during dark scenes in movies:

Continuing from not being a fan of the sets, I'm FUMING at the location of Fiyero and Elphaba freeing the lion cub. Why is it in a dark dreary forest?????? Did John Chu mix up the locations between INTG and ALAYM???? The lion cub scene takes place in the poppy field, with a soft orange pinkish lighting that creates a romantic atmosphere and establishes the growing romance between Fiyero and Elphaba (<3) This forest looks too erie and mystical, which should've been used for act 2.

Another hot take: I think the tulip field in Munchkinland looks completely unnecessary. I literally do not care if they planted thousands of rows of them. They look CGI'd because nearly everything in this movie is CGI.

Now onto some things I'm confused about.

God I was so looking forward to Peter Dinklage as the voice for Dr. Dillamond,but from what I heard of his voice acting so far, it just sounds... underwhelming. But I can't complain too much because at least it's not James Corden. I still believe in Peter and hope he will pull through.

Why did they feel the need to change the shape of the grimmerie? It was fine the way it was!

Adding to Dr. D, I'm not sure if I like his new design. I'm guessing they're taking inspiration from the book but if we're discussing live action, I really prefer makeup effects over CGI. One of the things I liked about the Animals in Wicked and in Cats the Musical is they find a perfect balance between blending human features and animal species without it going into the uncanny valley.

I feel underwhelmed by Jeff Goldbulm's acting as The Wizard :( I can't complain too much because he kinda-

On a final note: I think this movie just cannot and will not match up to the excellence of the musical. Will it be a good movie? I don't know yet. I'll still see it in theaters and will give my thoughts.

While brainstorming my thoughts for this trailer, I've really been thinking about why I hate what I'm seeing so far while I enjoy other interpretations of Wicked, especially when it comes to costumes. Then I realized something.

I love non-replica productions of Wicked... So why don't I like the design of this movie?

Part two of my take COMING THANKSGIVING 2025

Not really, give me like a week or two.

[elvenbeard]

Paranoia

Cyberpunk 2077 Fanfic

Summary: Something is off with V's medication, but there are many leads and the clock is ticking. What is Mr. Blue-Eyes planning and who is the rat that sold V out? With little expectations, Kerry begins an investigation on his own. (Post-Sun-Ending, mostly canon-compliant, Chapter 11/?, 6999 words, Kerry Eurodyne/V - notes at the end) >> Previous Chapter >> Read from the Beginning

“Vik told you to take it easy, Vince,” Kerry urged, placing his hands on V’s shoulders from behind. He had been lingering on his desk ever since they’d come home instead of finally joining Kerry on the couch downstairs. Watch a show, or just listen to music, just… exist and forget about all the existential dread at least for an hour or so, but no...

V’s half-empty martini glass stood close by the left edge of the table. Gently massaging V’s tense muscles, Kerry leaned down to give him a quick kiss on his flushed cheeks. He hadn’t made his drink that strong, as requested, but V just really didn’t react well to alcohol. In a way it was adorable. This seasoned merc, Night City’s bad boy number one, couldn’t hold his liquor.

“One sec,” V said, a little absentminded, eyes glued to the screen displaying a timelapse of various views of security cam footage of their penthouse. Kerry suppressed a sigh, and he opted now to loosely wrap his arms around V’s shoulders, trying to get his attention away from the computer like this. When he would not budge still, he rested his chin on V’s head and then reluctantly looked at the screen as well.

Selected in the security system’s overview was one of the cameras in the garage, the one in the elevator, one in the armory. Three more that overlooked the exterior of the house, including the entrance. Kerry knew of a couple more that V wasn’t monitoring at the moment. The timestamp in the corner of the footage was racing backwards, as was the video itself, and V had reached mid-August, briefly after they’d moved in here. The recordings eventually stopped at various still frames of him testing the setup on the day he’d had it installed.

“I wish I had footage of my old apartment,” V murmured, more to himself than to Kerry, “Was still spending a lot of time there when I got the first batch of pills from Vik.”

“Nothin’ suspicious here?” Kerry asked.

“No… at least, nothin’ apparent, as in…,” he gestured vaguely, “Masked intruders with blue glowing eyes.”

Kerry chuckled at his sarcastic undertone.

“That would be too easy.”

“I guess…” V shrugged, finally leaning back into Kerry’s embrace now, although with the backrest of his chair between them it was kinda awkward. Kerry shuffled and shifted slightly to better see V’s expression.

“How’s your head?” he almost didn’t dare to ask.

“Alright,” V said, eyes unfocused, but then he paused, “No actually it… was better earlier. Think Vik’s stuff’s startin’ to wear off. But I’ll manage.”

Kerry lowered his head and briefly closed his eyes. The heat of his own drink long worn off he basked in the warmth V was radiating. His warmth, his glow… how many more – or how few – setbacks would it take until it would all fade away forever?

“I gotta cross-reference this with my schedule,” V changed the topic back to the footage, “What date I got which batch of pills, and then see if there’s any weirdness here around those timeframes… Second prescription was around the time we moved in, but there were so many people in and out all the time… And if they got here before the security system was up and running the next best thing is the building’s surveillance outside, but that’s shitty quality and bad angles…”

V rubbed his face with his right hand and took a deep, heavy breath, as if an immense weight lay on his chest. Kerry clutched him a little tighter.

“Ooor, “he suggested in an attempt to ease the tension, “You could just chill until Nix does his job. ’Cause if this AJ chick lied to ya, you’re wastin’ a lot of energy on somethin’ pointless right now.”

“Don’t think she was lying…” V shook his head and finally moved to get up, Kerry letting him, “If she did, she should apply at some corp’s CI department. Better suited there instead of a dingy drug lab.”

He slipped out of his chair and picked up his leftover martini in one fluid motion, bringing the glass to his lips with some reluctance though.

“Y’know, I’ll happily finish it for ya,” Kerry offered with a wink, his forearms resting on the chair’s backrest now, fingers loosely interlocked as he played with one of his rings. V’s eyes met with his, a challenging glimmer in them, a cheeky smirk on his lips. He emptied the rest of his drink in one go. Letting out a long, deep breath V set the glass down and leaned back against the desk, healthy hand holding on to the edge for support.

“I’m so gonna regret this, but…” he still smiled at Kerry, “Not gonna lie, that was pretty good.”

“Despite the olive?” Kerry teased, then slowly pushed the chair aside, and stepped in front of him.

“Even that wasn’t so bad,” he said as Kerry’s hands trailed down V’s sides, then slipped under his t-shirt. Kerry grinned when goosebumps rose under his fingertips as they wandered around V’s waist, down to the small of his back.

“Picked a good one,” he said, trying to keep his mind from wandering as well, too fast, too far.

“Yeah, I did,” V smiled, and Kerry paused for a moment, noticing the slight tilt of V’s head, how he pursed his lips, amber eyes looking up at him through long dark eyelashes. Yeah… he wasn’t talking about the olive anymore.

“Gonk,” he muttered, but then he leaned in, no longer able to resist to kiss V’s cheeks and neck and chest, tongue and lips guided by the dark pink flushes speckled all across pale skin.

“What was that about takin’ it easy?” V whispered hoarsely, grabbing on to Kerry’s waist, leaning into his touch.

“Yeah… you lean back and relax,” Kerry breathed against his neck, “And lemme do what I’m good at…”

V giggled as Kerry slowly guided him over to their bed, accompanied by more kisses, little gasps, and fleeting touches.

Drunk sex usually guaranteed that V would be out cold (blissfully, of course) for at least a couple of hours afterwards. It had been one rollercoaster of a day and night… of a week, really, with both of them getting too little restful sleep. So, Kerry hoped this impromptu afternoon nap would do V good, or at the very least give him a little rest from everything. He seemed at peace at least, lips slightly parted, breathing slowly and deeply, huddled into their lightweight silk blanket the same way he’d been this morning. Kerry stayed by his side for a little while longer, just watching… but Lee and Vicki and a few other studio assholes kept messaging him, interrupting their domestic bliss once again.

They had been trying to get in touch all day, reminding him of deadlines, work that needed to be done, promo events, concerts, collabs… And Kerry had been patiently ignoring them while out and about with V. All he wanted was to stay in bed with him now, help him get the help he needed, force him to take it easy when he just wouldn’t listen to his doctors telling him to.

He lightly brushed his fingers over V’s cheek, the hint of patchy dark stubble along his jawline, eyes lingering on his pulse point for a moment. Kerry had sucked an almost purple bruise into his flesh, right where skin and cyberware met, as V had been flinching and whimpering under him…

Blip beep. Another message from Lee forced the steamy mental image out of Kerry’s head. He huffed and quickly checked his phone, with no intention to respond.

“The situation in regard to the video is somewhat under control now,” it read, and Kerry shuddered, “But N54 News’ showbiz representative sent in another exclusive interview request. They agreed to scratch the questions that had been bothering you in their previous e-mail, but in return they want a statement on the video and your relationship status. Same conditions as before. I think this is as great chance to clear things up and gain you some sympathy – also in light of already circulating rumors. I wrote up some possible responses (attached below) if you want to read them in advance! Maybe we can meet up some time later today, or tomorrow or… whenever fits best. To talk things through, discuss the next steps for the album and everything else. Please just quickly let me know if you’ve read this so I know you’re okay and onboard!”

Kerry suppressed an annoyed groan to not wake V. After a few more minutes of failing to doze off as well, he decided to get up. Drink some more maybe, have a smoke. Smash his phone with a hammer. In fact, what he really wanted was to get high out of his mind, knock himself out with vodka and pills, and sleep for 72 hours straight. Had he been alone, just lil’ old Kerry back at his villa in North Oak… he probably would’ve, and without hesitation.

Instead, now, he slipped into his bathrobe hanging over the gallery’s rail, and as he passed by V’s desk to get to the kitchen, his eyes got caught by the screens once more. A quick glance over his shoulder confirmed that V was still asleep. He had been so sure to find something suspicious on the security footage… but he’d also been high on Vik’s drug cocktail, dizzy from drinking Kerry’s actual cocktail, and pre-occupied with too much else. No surprise he hadn’t succeeded. If there even was anything to find at all.

Then again, Kerry barely knew what he was doing when it came to their house’s security system either. He had left these types of things to his management team for decades, and so far, that had worked out just fine. Mostly, at least. V had said himself, back when they had this installed here, that there simply was no system that was one hundred percent safe and impenetrable. There were always loopholes, exploits to use, and all that other fancy tech terminology Kerry only half understood but loved to hear V talk about.

“You can never fully rule out human error, either,” was what he liked to say.

Hence why Kerry felt a little silly when he pulled out the desk chair after standing, staring, and pondering it all for too long. All camera views were still selected in the review tool, V was visible in one of them, the 180 degrees view into the armory. He was looking up at the lens, at Kerry, pensive and serious. The timestamp read “August 3rd 2077 – 11.46 a.m.“. Just a little over a month ago, but he looked so much less tired than he did most days now. But also, at this point, he must’ve already been working for Blue-Eyes behind the scenes. Kerry realized that maybe that was exactly why he had been so keen on upgrading the security system before they’d even properly settled in.

Kerry sighed, leaned back in the chair, and then pulled up his own schedule. They’d just talked about it, the day Viktor had delivered more bad news to V regarding his initial treatment plan was the same day Kerry finally got out of the contract with Kovachek. The same day Blue-Eyes got in touch with his convenient help offer. He had to scroll past walls of texts and messages, but he finally found the invitation for the meeting with the studio bosses. July 22nd. Yeah, no footage for that. They had been talking about moving in together for a while at that time already though… early, really, given how they first met back in May only. But V had spent most of his nights at Kerry’s villa anyway, and Kerry sought refuge at V’s apartment all other days. Finding a place for them both together had simply felt like the right next logical step. It still did, more than ever. And with how little time they seemed to have left at the moment, there was no “too soon” for nothing, really…

Kerry held the thought and continued to scroll further up through his appointments on his planner’s interface. The scheduled meeting during which Lee had signed him on, a few days after the final conversation with Kovachek. The appointment with the realtor to view the penthouse. Moving in day, various important events at the recording studio, and with medias. A handful of parties, occasions, dinner dates with V sprinkled in-between, an invitation from River to come over some time… He hesitated for a moment at August 20th. It had been surprisingly hard again this year, but V made it easier, like so many other things...

After a few more studio-related appointments Kerry had reached present time.

He looked back at the computer screen in front of him, had to search for a play button. Then the recordings started moving again, at a quite high speed.

“Ah fuck…” Kerry hissed and looked for a way to slow the footage down, clicking some random buttons, but without success. Before accidentally deleting something, Kerry decided to just keep his eyes peeled for anything out of the usual as best as he managed, but there was nothing too obvious… Them both or either of them leaving and coming back home every day around similar times, AVs or delivery drones landing outside. There was quite the commotion with the moving company in the beginning, lots of strangers all at once, but Kerry didn’t recall any of them behaving weirdly, or even getting near where V stored his pills at the time.

Since there was only about a month of footage sped up dramatically, Kerry opted to just restart it a handful of times whenever he reached the end. Lee showed up in person at the entrance quite often in the beginning, but rarely made it all the way into the penthouse… Kerry hadn’t been aware just how often he did it though, seeing it happen again and again now on loop. He assumed that during some occasions neither he nor V were home to let him in. Kerry in fact remembered only one time Lee had been here in the early days, and how pissed he’d gotten at him for showing up unannounced over something completely trivial. He’d told him to meet up at the studio for these types of convos in the future and he had assumed that was the end of the story of unannounced visits.

Apparently not. Because right now he saw Lee coming back day after day… then not anymore for a few weeks. Then again on two days in a row at the end of August, the 24th and 25th. Kerry was not there to invite him in for any of those visits either…

He paused the preview at Lee just getting out of the penthouse and into the elevator on August 25th. His heart was racing faster than the footage had been, raking his brains… Had V let him in? He doubted that…

He pulled up his holo screen again to read back through the endless wall of text messages Lee had sent him since. Finally, the 25th, on which there had been a little bit of back and forth between them actually, and Kerry’s tension dropped slightly.

“Lee, I’m fucking busy tonight. Shard with demos is still at my new place. If you really need it that desperately, you gotta go get it yourself,” had been Kerry’s final message that night, and it fit the timeframe Lee was at the penthouse.

 So, he’d let him in remotely to pick up that shard, just how he did the other day to feed the cat. Temporary access token, no big deal, right…

Kerry scrolled further back through his messages, but there was nothing in his texts, nor his e-mails, nor his appointments that would explain Lee’s visit on the day before though. Only a reminder to himself about “date night with V <;3”, the reason for his pre-occupation on the 25th and neither of them being at the penthouse.

He dismissed his schedule and stared back at the screen. At Lee with his ridiculous pompadour, bleach-blond still at the time, in his over-priced suit, stumbling into the elevator, frozen in time. Going by the timestamps, he’d been in the penthouse for 15 minutes to pick up the shard which seemed… long for a task that simple. Unless it wasn’t the only thing he’d done there while Kerry and V were out on a fancy date.

No, not him though. The thought alone was fucking insane. That man’s spine was a slinky toy. He almost shat his pants whenever he had to call or speak to Kerry. If all that was an act and he was secretly one of Blue-Eyes’ agents, he deserved a fucking Oscar. Kerry shook his head at his own paranoia, took a few moments to rationalize, think it through. Lee was notorious for his bad timing and inability to just leave him the fuck alone. There were a million possible explanations that made more sense than any deeper, darker purpose behind these numerous, persistent visits and incompetence of fulfilling easy tasks in a timely manner…

He scrolled back through the footage to the several days in a row Lee was there at the start of August, shortly after they moved in. Kerry had his messages to him from that timeframe at the ready.

The one time he actually remembered Lee coming to the penthouse to talk was a Sunday. He didn’t even have a proper reason, apart from “getting to know each other a bit better” and discussing future plans and whatnot. Nothing they couldn’t have done over the holo. Hence why Kerry had been so pissed off, apart from Lee invading his living room unannounced. V hadn’t been there, thankfully.

The day after this incident Lee was on the footage again… No messages in Kerry’s inbox, but a calendar appointment for booking a recording booth. Kerry wasn’t home, and going by the footage, Lee didn’t get into the house either. He lingered in front of the intercom by the entrance a long while though, and Kerry noticed that he was talking – to V maybe, home that day, but telling him that Kerry was at the studio? Lee left the entrance area of the building with reluctance. Then he came back the next day, and again, Kerry couldn’t make a connection to his visit with any of the entries in his schedule or his messages. And then, August 11th…

“Lee… got a problem, forgot to fill the cat feeder this morning. I’ll be at the studio for a while still. Sending you a temporary access token. Cat food in the shelf next to the fridge.”

“You can never fully rule out human error…” shot through Kerry’s mind again. But yes, of course he’d give him access to their house, repeatedly, for stupid little tasks like that. Why wouldn’t he? Lee was a fucking pathetic little loser. He could never harm them in any way apart from maybe, psychological damage, right?

Kerry continued to stare at the screen, the timestamps. Lee arrived on the 11th and then spent almost 45 minutes feeding the cat. Kerry jumped forward to near the end of the collection of recordings, to a couple of days ago. The day he’d been at the med center and instructed Lee to feed the cat as well. Lee arrived at the penthouse quickly and sent his photo of Nibbles eating 5 minutes later. He was out the front door again after just over ten minutes. What had he done for the more than 30 extra minutes during the first “feed the cat” visit? Even his incompetence wasn’t great enough to need that long to locate the cat food and put it in the feeder.

Kerry’s ears were ringing as he watched himself in front of the computer from above. He hadn’t had such an intense out-of-body experience in a while. Trying to come up with a more logical explanation than “he probably searched for and swapped the pills during that time”, he was unable to even lift a finger. The thought ate itself into his brain like acid.

“Lee swapped the pills…” he wasn’t even sure if he said it out loud, so insane the mere idea. For money, for power, for chrome? What could a Mr. Blue-Eyes offer a small light like Lee… Well, everything he wanted, probably, and more. And Lee was dumb enough to believe him, too, if even V could be lured in by someone like that with promises big and times desperate enough.

 When Kerry arrived back in his own body eventually, his paralysis was slowly but surely replaced by rage.

“I’m gonna fuckin’ kill that bastard…” he muttered to himself, got up from the chair, and instead of drinking more, maybe having a smoke, he went to grab his clothes from the wardrobe and then his gun from the armory. V was still fast asleep and none the wiser by the time the Aerondight left the garage.

Of course, Kerry wouldn’t kill Lee. Not really. Probably. But at the very least he wanted to scare the shit out of him and make him talk. Even if he had nothing to do with all of this in the way Kerry assumed, something was up with him, and Kerry needed to give him a piece of his mind before he imploded for good.

He arrived in front of the MSM recording studio in Charter Hill much faster than anticipated… so much so that his impromptu plan to get Lee to talk was still somewhat fuzzy around the edges. He was in the mood to storm in, guns blazing, but there was no guarantee Lee was even there. Maybe he should’ve checked that before coming here. Kerry cursed between his teeth, slightly clammy hands gripping the steering wheel tightly as he parked straight across from the building’s main entrance. Reluctantly he decided to simply call his manager, something he usually never did. It rang a handful of times, longer than he would’ve expected.

“Kerry?” asked the shaky voice on the other end of the line.

“Certainly not Lizzy Wizzy,” Kerry replied deadpan, “Where are ya?”

His heart was beating in his throat.

“I’m at the studio! I’ve been waiting to hear from you, been worried that –…”

“I’m outside the front door,” Kerry interrupted him, “Come down, let’s talk.”

He tried not to let his nerves show, and he was thankful for his AudioVox evening out the slight tremor in his words.

“Uh… why don’t you come upstairs to my office?” Lee evaded, “Vicki just dropped by with two new demos you can listen to, I think – …”

“No,” Kerry said sternly, but he was grasping at straws for a reason as to why they had to meet outside that wouldn’t leave Lee even more suspicious.

“Bring the demos with ya, we’ll listen to ‘em on the road,” was the best thing he could bullshit this quickly, “Been too stagnant lately, gotta move around a bit, get the creative juices flowing.”

Empty phrases he’d flung around a million times before, but they usually worked with types like Lee.

“Oh… okay?” Lee said, then there was silence for a couple of seconds, “Okay, I’ll be right there but… I need to be back at the studio at the latest in an hour, got an important appointment...”

Kerry didn’t reply and simply hung up. No promises.

Lee appeared at the building’s main entrance around ten endless minutes later. Maybe he was truly just very bad at fulfilling simple tasks quickly. Kerry’s doubts were loud in his head as his right leg bounced in a shaky rhythm, the gun in his jacket’s pocket, heavy as a brick, bruising his thigh. Lee jogged across the street, black and blue designer coat fluttering in the wind. When he approached the passenger side of the car, he tried to put on a smile, but it was slanted and forced. Kerry opened the door for him.

“Get in,” he ordered, demanded almost, and Lee slightly flinched, fumbling in his pockets and pulling out a handful of shard cases.

“Got everything with me, I thought maybe we could start with the song demos? But just in case I also brought the interview questions I mentioned, and some other things you can decide on for the upcoming promo events.”

“Wow, great. Now get in,” Kerry repeated himself with zero enthusiasm and finally Lee slipped into the seat. The same seat V had fucked Kerry in so gloriously yesterday… and now Lee desecrated the space with his presence.

Kerry closed the door again and sped off before Lee could say another word, headed towards the highway that would lead them out of the city.

Lee kept babbling without pause, played the demos for Kerry and recounted the producers’ notes on what needed to be changed still and what was good, as well as the opinions of the studio bosses Kerry didn’t give a fuck about. But he had to just nod and smile, because in the end they were the ones that determined his success to an essential degree.

About twenty minutes into their drive, with buildings left and right becoming scarce and nothing but the near-deserted Badlands ahead of them, Lee grew quieter. He stared blankly ahead at the CrystalDome screens.

“Uh, Kerry, at the latest at five I need to be back in Charter Hill,” he reminded him.

Kerry did not respond, only half heard him really, his thoughts racing, eyes scanning for a secluded place he could pull into, wary to not be tailed by gangers, or worse, paparazzi. His GPS navigation pointed out a little dead-end road not far ahead, leading to an old racing track. He remembered the place, knew where he was now. He’d been here with V, very early on in their relationship, blowing off steam after something V couldn’t talk about at the time. That was before Blue-Eyes even, Johnny was still around… In hindsight Kerry was sure it had had something to do with that whole Dogtown mess.

His Aerondight squealed and rumbled across the uneven dirt road, he physically couldn’t go much further than a couple of hundred yards away from the highway, so he pulled over to the side of the road behind a large rock and turned off the engine.

“Uh, Kerry, we still have a long drive back ahead of us, and I gotta – ,“ Lee wanted to protest and Kerry slipped his fingers around the grip of his gun. He tried to breathe away his shaking, but it was no use. They were here now, he had to seize the opportunity, because who knew when – or if – Lee would ever get into the same car with him again.

He pulled his gun and pointed it at Lee, who let out a brief but surprisingly controlled scream and immediately raised his hands.

“K-Kerry I mean… Let’s talk this through, I’m sure you don’t wanna –…”

“Shut your fucking second asshole, Lee, ‘cause there’s only shit comin’ from it anyway,” Kerry ordered sternly, somewhat surprised at his own bravado, “Turn off your phone and put it in the glovebox, and then get out. No tricks, no messing around.”

“Okay, okay!” Lee whimpered, pulled out his phone with a feverish expression and squashed it in the glovebox between condoms, unpaid parking tickets, and one or two satchels of colorful pills.

“Get out, hands on your head,” Kerry repeated, “And slowly start walkin’.”

“Okay!” Lee squealed, eyes big and teary, then Kerry unlocked and opened the door for him before getting out of the car himself.

He looked over his shoulder, listened into the distance, but the desert was quiet. No roaring engines, no gunshots, no yelling. Yet.

With his gun he gestured Lee towards the old racing track, and whimpering Lee obeyed and marched on, white syn-leather boots soon turned orange from the dust. They quietly walked on until Kerry felt there was enough of a distance to the road, and they were at least partially obscured by the tall coarse rock formations and sparse vegetation framing the location.

“That’s far enough. Turn around,” he ordered, gun still pointing at Lee, he gripped it tightly with both hands to keep it steady. His manager slowly did as he was told, turning on the spot, slightly hunched over and squinting against the sun and the barrel of the gun. Kerry just stared back at him, tried to make sense of it still… and wondered if he had maybe lost it for good now. In the end, he had only a vague suspicion, no proof, no nothing. The uncertainty began to gnaw on his to-begin-with shaky confidence in all of this.

“Kerry listen,” Lee then pleaded, “I’m sure this has got to be a misunderstanding of some sort! Let’s just… talk, okay? Without the gun, maybe?”

“Shut it,” Kerry ordered, “I’m makin’ the rules here.”

“Okay, okay,” Lee lowered his head slightly, whispering something under his breath Kerry didn’t quite catch. He never took Lee for a religious person, but a little prayer probably couldn’t hurt in a moment like this.

Kerry still didn’t have a plan of action in his mind on how to move forward. In a movie the hero would probably hold a dramatic speech now, confronting the villain about his crimes and all, but truthfully, Kerry wasn’t the hero here. Holding a whimpering mess like Lee at gunpoint at least had nothing heroic about it. So, he decided to just cut straight to the point.

“Did you swap V’s pills?” he asked, voice not nearly as firm as the grip around his gun. He didn’t even have his finger on the trigger, but the visual alone was intimidating enough, he hoped.

He expected confusion, more bargaining, or just downright denial from Lee. Not for his eyes to grow wide, the remaining color to fade from his face. And for once in his life, Lee was dead silent, stared at Kerry open-mouthed. He’d hit the nail on the head.

“You fuckin’ asshole!” Kerry hissed and took a step towards Lee, pointing his gun straight between the fucker’s eyes, near-blinded by anger at Lee’s reaction. Lee screamed and flinched back, stumbling almost. Now the bargaining began.

“Please, please, I had no choice, they threatened to ruin me!”

“Well, tough shit, guess I’ll do it for ‘em now!” Kerry barked, his chest tight and face hot, and Lee kept screaming, pleading.

“No, no, no! Please!”

“You fuckin’ son of a bitch! To save your own sorry ass you, you – …”

Suddenly Lee’s persistent fear of Kerry and V made even more sense. If he’d been behind this from the start, he’d probably been scared they’d figure it out somehow, sooner or later. Every time they were alone together the bastard was a shaking mess not because he was so bad at his job, but scared for his life. Well, a little bit of both maybe.

“Who told you to do this?” Kerry then asked, “And you better spit it out quickly and as detailed as possible, or I’ll leave your sorry ass to rot out here.”

Lee whimpered and now sank to his knees, hands still on his head, facing the ground and actually sobbing.

“I don’t know them, I swear!” he sputtered, “Never saw their faces, never spoke to anyone in person. It all went over the holo. Directed me to pick up spots and gave me a certain timeframe to do… to do the swap. And if I hadn’t, they’d’ve ruined my life. Oh god… they’re not gonna just ruin my life, they’re really gonna kill me now that you know!”

He tumbled over forward, face-first into the sand and his sobbing intensified. Kerry couldn’t help but feel sorry for him now, a pathetic little loser in way over his head. And his story sadly sounded plausible with the little Kerry and V knew about Blue-Eyes and his associates.

“Fucking hell…” Kerry muttered and lowered his gun, then he closed the remaining distance between himself and Lee. He bent down and firmly grasped him by the back of his collar to pull him back up. Lee neither resisted nor made the feat easy for Kerry.

“Get it together, man,” Kerry hissed through gritted teeth and Lee fell backwards on his ass and just sat in the sand now, a picture of misery. His face and hair were encrusted with dirt, wet streaks running down his cheeks, his hands rested in his lap in resignation.

Kerry knelt down on one knee in front of him, gun still at the ready just in case, and tried to catch Lee’s gaze.

“Hope they at least fuckin’ paid you well,” Kerry said, trying his best to remain calm, scared that Lee would actually pass out if he intimidated him even more. Lee shook his head and Kerry frowned.

“They blackmailed me,” he explained sniffling, “I don’t know how but… They have so much information on me that I was sure no one knew about. How I never went to a prestigious school, the shit my parents did, how many of my credentials are… polished at best, how I… I never would’ve made it this far up at MSM if I hadn’t… improved my background here and there. I’m gonna lose everything if that information reaches the wrong kinda people...”

Kerry sighed deeply.

“Why am I not surprised,” he muttered, but knowing that Lee acted for purely selfish reasons made this somehow so much worse than if he’d just done it for a huge chunk of money. Not that it surprised him though, that was Night City in a nutshell. He got up again and started pacing in front of Lee.

“Lemme guess, you also didn’t know what you were even swapping there, right?” he asked, anger creeping back in, “Cause, surprise, you didn’t exchange some ibuprofen with sugar pills!”

He pinched the bridge of his nose and took a few deep breaths. They still didn’t even know exactly what these pills had been doing to V, but whatever it was, if they came from Mr. B, it couldn’t be good. Some kind of preparation to put V in that artificial body at best, mind control that was killing him even faster than his own body at worst. Everything in-between and beyond seemed possible and plausible, too.

“They said it was none of my concern and the less I knew, the better,” Lee admitted quietly, and Kerry couldn’t help but laugh out loud in frustration.

“You… pathetic shitstain!” he now yelled, so close to losing his temper again, “You’re the worst kind of scumbag, aren’t you? Messin’ with someone else’s life and health without asking any questions, just to save your own sorry ass. Believe me, you fit in just fuckin’ right with MSM and that whole fucking’ shitshow of a corporation. Such a brave obedient little corpo soldier, aren’t ya? Fuck!”

He kicked a small rock into the distance, swirling up orange dust, and its impact against one of the larger rock formations echoed across the desert. The sun was beginning to set over the city far behind them, and Kerry paced back and forth, back and forth, failing to find a solution. Lee held his head low and said nothing either, too shaken and guilty still, probably packing his bags in his mind already. Or shoveling his grave.

V would know what to do now, or at least be able to improvise something, but Kerry was at a loss. He eventually stopped in his tracks, still clutching his gun tightly, but despite his seething anger at Lee he still had no intentions of killing him. The guy had killed himself long ago already by weaseling his way into MSM through crooked schemes. Blue-Eyes was only serving him the bill for it now.

As if he could sense Kerry staring at him, Lee looked up and their eyes met.

“What now?” he asked shakily.

“Dunno, whaddaya suggest?” Kerry shrugged, “Wanna have me put ya outta your misery right away?”

“No no no!” Lee stammered and raised his hands again, hunching over in fear, “Please I… I know I fucked up, big time!”

“That’s the understatement of the century…”

After a moment of hesitation Lee looked back up at him again, carefully.

“I… if there is anything I can do to make up for this…”

Kerry couldn’t help himself but laugh.

“Well now I’m curious what in the fuck you’re gonna offer.”

“I… dunno…” Lee’s brief moment of confidence was blown out like a candle in a storm.

Kerry didn’t know either because, as usual, Lee was useless. Or at the very least he didn’t see a solution that could actually help them either. He needed to tell V about this. As soon as possible.

“Get back in the car,” Kerry then ordered, waving with his gun, “Takin’ ya to your stupid appointment.”

Lee’s eyes grew wider.

“What? Am I… I’m just supposed to continue as normal?”

Kerry frowned.

“What did you expect, that I’m gonna help you escape into a cozy exile somewhere nice and sunny while we clean up your mess and deal with the consequences?”

Lee just stared in response, but Kerry wouldn’t have let him answer anyway.

“You stay put and behave exactly how you always do, play the manager. And you sure as hell will not tell anyone anything about what we just talked about,” he ordered, “If your creep friends call you and ask you to run another errand, you will do exactly that, and don’t let show in any way that would suggest V and I caught on.”

“I… what?” Lee stammered.

“I’m not done yet,” Kerry interrupted him sternly, “Not done with you, either. You will make up for this shit you caused. And I promise you, if I get as much as a whiff of you tryin’ to rat us out or bail or whatnot… V knows people that will track you down to the dark side of the moon to blow your lights out, if necessary.”

The last one was a bluff, although he was sure, with some persuasive words and favors exchanged here and there, even that would be possible, should the need arise.

“Okay, okay!” Lee whimpered, “Understood. I… This meeting never happened?”

“Damn straight. Now back into the car, asshole.”

Kerry was elsewhere with his thoughts for the entirety of the ride back into the city. It wasn’t much, but if Lee managed to keep his mouth shut and not draw Blue-Eyes’ attention, they now actually were a step ahead. Kerry just didn’t know how to use this tiny edge yet, if they could use it at all… and all of course under the assumption that Blue-Eyes wasn’t listening in or watching them 24/7 through some fucked up means already anyway.

“Don’t forget your phone,” Kerry said when he stopped in front of the studio to let Lee get out. They were back early enough so he still had some time to clean himself up, get himself back together before his appointment.

“Yeah, right, thank you,” Lee stammered and stumbled out of the car and slowly started walking towards the building without further words.

The passenger door slid shut and the warm interior lights of the Aerondight engulfed him, but still, it was far from enough to soothe his nerves. Kerry rested his forehead on the steering wheel and let out a deep breath. Something in his guts told him that the studio would call him tomorrow morning to inform him of Lee’s mysterious disappearance or death, and that they already had the next replaceable guy lined up to take over…

“Fuck…” he muttered, smacked the steering wheel, and unlocked his own door. He jumped onto the street, a car passing by honking at him, but he ignored it. He turned to the main entrance of the studio building where Lee was just about to walk through the door.

“Lee!” he called, and Lee flinched and turned around with wide eyes, like a deer in headlights.

“Get back here,” Kerry waved, and hesitantly his manager returned to the side of the car.

“Yes?” he asked shakily, clutching his phone still. Sand was still dripping from his hair and the dirt on his face had dried.

“Get back in,” Kerry decided, and Lee gulped audibly, “Don’t think it’s a good idea to leave you alone right now. These guys that made you do this stuff…”

He didn’t have to say anything else, Lee nodded in strong agreement.

Edge or not, it was so small, so insignificant almost… And no matter how much he hated Lee’s guts sometimes, if Blue-Eyes snuffed him in his sleep tonight… Lee could know more than he let on, maybe even subconsciously. Him already being involved in this whole mess against his will also made him a better ally than any new manager that could be one of Blue-Eyes spies for real this time.

Lee got back in the passenger seat, and Kerry behind the wheel, turning on the engine. How the hell he was gonna break this to V he didn’t know yet. Right as he wanted to drive off, back home, he noted a dark van parked across the street, in good view of them. Kerry hesitated. This was nothing, probably, delivery guys, technicians. Although, no markings, names, or logos on the car.

Maybe this shit was getting to him more than he realized, seeing enemies where there were none. But it had ended with a black van with the Peralezes as well…

He tried to write the thought off as paranoia once again, but just in case, Kerry made extra sure they weren’t being followed before even getting into view of Watson.

*****************

>> Next Chapter

*****************

Notes:

It's been a hot minute, so much has happened since my last update, and I'm so happy I can finally share this ;__; I really had a lot of fun writing Kerry on his own little adventure for this chapter, and I think a few of you will be happy to see Lee back as well XD I've grown quite fond of him and had really been looking forward to this little reveal ever since I first introduced him xD I hope it came as a surprise but not entirely unexpected that he's involved in this mess a bit more deeply than he let on so far.

I hope the next chapter update won't take me as long as this one did, as with black vans showing up unannounced and Mr. B's schemes slowly becoming unravelled I can't wait to continue telling this story! :3

I put a little nod at Dogtown in this chapter, but to anyone who hasn't played Phantom Liberty and wants to continue reading: fret not! Since I started writing this story before the expansion and planned it out without any ties to it, the events of PL will not be majorly referenced here, not beyond what I did in this chapter.

Hope you enjoyed reading this, as always, and are looking forward to how it's all gonna continue (hopefully soon). I would say, we're about to reach the midway point of the story!

Requested Fic Update Tags:

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If you’d also like to get tagged when I post a new chapter for this fic, leave a reply on [this post] or send me a DM!

If you do not want to receive further notifications, shoot me a quick DM and I’ll take you off the list again!

[shingujjii]

All Korekiyo Salmon Team Events !!!

———————————————————————

•You wish to discuss the beauty of humanity with me, yes?

-

A/V ROOM================

Watch a documentary on bugs=

•Kehehe… You have good taste.

-

•The cultural relationship between humans and insects is fascinating.

-

•Some see them as vermin, some food, others worship them as gods…

-

•I shall teach you all about it as we watch this documentary…

Good, it seems like we both had a lot of fun.

——————————————————————

Watch a documentary on athletes=

•That may prove interesting…

-

•Sports are an incredibly important aspect of many cultures.

-

•Or Shuichi… do you simply enjoy watching female athletes?

-

•Perhaps the sight of women clenching their teeth and sweating excites you?

-

•Kehehe…I’m only kidding.

I think this conversation went well.

——————————————————————

Watch a documentary on mediums=

•I regret to say it as you’ve taken an interest… but this footage is fake.

-

•I know from my own experience.

-

•I’ve performed seances myself, so I can tell at a glance if they are authentic.

-

•My goodness…Charlatans like this harm the reputations of true practitioners.

It seems like that didn’t go well

—————————————————————

Watch an action movie=

•Sorry, but I’ve no interest in these. I find the sensory overload exhausting.

-

•Further, they have little in the way of anthropological interest.

Damn, this is awkward…

——————————————————————

Watch a drama movie=

•Kehehe…We are of the same mind, Shuichi.

-

•Humanity is beautiful… A film about such a topic cannot possibly be boring.

-

•I am most curious to see how this depicts the beauty of humanity.

Good, it seems like we both had a lot of fun.

——————————————————————

Watch an anime movie=

•Ah, it’s a love story between a sister and her brother.

-

•This may not be so bad after all…

-

•Just as there are many different cultures, there are many forms of love.

-

•Let us see what kind of love this anime depicts then, shall we?

I think this conversation went well.

——————————————————————

I might fall asleep…=

•In that case, would you like to receive a lecture instead of watching a movie?

-

•Very well…

-

•Perhaps we shall dig deeper into the tale of Hainuwele I told you before.

-

•Kehehe… Worry not. I shall never bore you.

I think this conversation went well.

——————————————————————

Play dominoes with the movie boxes=

•I cannot admire such a suggestion…

-

•Those interested in such banal activities are ill-suited as seekers of culture.

-

•I thought you had the qualities of an anthropologist, but I was mistaken…

Damn, this is awkward…

——————————————————————

We should focus on reality, not movies=

•Kehehe…I have been waiting to hear such words.

-

•Anthropology is all about field work… Investigating in person is critical.

-

•References are important, but one’s own experience is far more so.

-

•I am glad you are coming to understand anthropology so well.

Good, it seems like we both had a lot of fun.

——————————————————————

DINING HALL==============

Let’s cook something=

•Then I will serve you something.

-

•I know a variety of ethnic dishes… is there anything specific you crave?

-

•”Ethnic food” is but a single term, but the variety it covers is endless…

-

•I will most definitely find something to suit your palette.

Good, it seems like we both had a lot of fun.

——————————————————————

Let’s eat some candy=

•Are you scheming to make me take off my mask?

-

•If so, I would’ve preferred you say so from the beginning.

-

•The thought of being victim to some scheme does not please me.

It seems like that didn’t go well…

——————————————————————

Let’s drink something=

•No, I will decline…

-

•Unfortunately, I did not bring my mealtime mask.

-

•If we were going to eat or drink, I’d have preferred you told me beforehand…

-You could just take off your mask and drink it… (Shuichi Mind)

Damn, this is awkward…

——————————————————————

Let’s go in the freezer=

•Is that some form of self-discipline…?

-

•Perhaps it hones some qualities needed for a detective…

-

•However, I do not feel it is necessary for me…

Damn, this is awkward…

——————————————————————

Let’s have some tea=

•Not a bad suggestion…

-

•It’s is too bad, though, that this place has no snacks suitable for tea.

-

•If there were some insects, I could’ve prepared some ethnic sweets for you.

-No offence to Gonta, but I’m glad there aren’t any bugs around. (Shuichi Mind)

I think this conversation went well.

——————————————————————

Let’s try fasting=

•Kehehe…Are you interested in the customs of fasting?

-

•If so, I will join you.

-

•There may be something to be discovered by imitating them.

Good, it seems like we both had a lot of fun.

——————————————————————

Getting horny after a meal=

•Hmm…Are you a person with a strong sense of lust?

-

•There is nothing wrong with lust.

-

•But there is one thing you should never forget.

-

•True love is not a physical connection, but a mental connection…

-

•I would appreciate if you kept that in the back of your mind at all times.

Good, it seems like we both had a lot of fun.

——————————————————————

Taking a nap after a meal=

•Obeying desires is one way to live… but you may miss things when asleep.

-

•If you wish to peruse the path of an anthropologist, you must stay vigilant.

-I’m not trying to become an anthropologist or anything…(Shuichi Mind)

I think this conversation went well.

——————————————————————

Exercising after a meal=

•I do not agree with that philosophy…

-

•Exercising after a meal is a practice of modern times to maintain physique.

-

•I would prefer you spend time giving thanks for the lives you have eaten.

It seems like that didn’t go well…

——————————————————————

LIBRARY=================

Let’s read a dirty book=

•Kehehe… Well of course. You are a boy, afterall, Shuichi.

-

•Such desires are appropriate for a human. I don’t look down upon them.

-

•But I have already given my heart to someone, so I cannot join you.

Good, it seems like we both had a lot of fun.

—————————————————————-

Let’s read manga=

•Oh, as I’ve mentioned before…

-

•Anime and manga often use folklore and myth as a base for their stories.

-

•This is perfect. Today I will teach you using these manga.

I think this conversation went well.

——————————————————————

This is boring…=

•With this much literature before you, you claim you are bored…?

-

•The wisest man is who knows he knows nothing.

-

•Perhaps it would serve you well to have more curiosity…

It seems like that didn’t go well…

——————————————————————

Let’s study=

•Kehehe… An admirable suggestion.

-

•The more you desire knowledge, the quicker it will come.

-

•How about we discuss the qualities of goddesses across different mythologies?

-

•They may all be “goddesses”, but each is a different image of womanhood.

Good, it seems like we both had a lot of fun.

——————————————————————

I’m getting sleepy…=

•Do you get sleepy In especially quiet places, Shuichi?

-

•I won’t speak ill of sleepiness itself. It is a basic human instinct.

-

•But living only by one’s instincts will push one away from knowing culture.

-

•For this reason…It may be advisable for you to fight your drowsiness.

It seems like that didn’t go well…

——————————————————————

Sure is dusty in here=

•Oh? I didn’t notice anything.

-…Ah. (Shuichi Mind)

-It’s because you’re wearing a mask!(Shuichi Mind)

I think this conversation went well.

——————————————————————

Let’s look at a world map=

•Kehehe…Excellent choice. I do rather enjoy maps.

-

•They’re perfect…for remembering all the lands I’ve been to.

-

•In addition, I find pleasure in dreaming of lands I’ve yet to visit.

I think this conversation went well.

——————————————————————

I want to scream really loud!=

•I dislike loud noises…

-

•If you must scream, do it elsewhere.

-

•I cannot fathom why you feel the need to scream here in the first place.

Damn, this is awkward…

——————————————————————

Let’s make a tower of books=

•Towers are a very interesting theme in anthropology.

-

•Why people associate physical height with with authority and power…

-

•There are many papers about this. It is a central to understanding humanity.

-

•What do you think? I would like to hear your opinion.

Good, it seems like we both had a lot of fun.

——————————————————————

GYM====================

Let’s get our bodies moving=

•A wonderful suggestion.

-

•Physical strength is essential for field work.

-

•So first, let us begin with basic strength training.

I think this conversation went well.

——————————————————————

Let’s clean up a little=

•That is a very good suggestion…

-

•Many Important documents are often discovered during cleaning.

-

•Perhaps I will discover some new knowledge while cleaning this room…

Good, it seems like we both had a lot of fun.

——————————————————————

I’m tired…=

•That strikes me as a distinct lack of proper planning…

-

•Imagine if we were doing fieldwork on some far-off mountain.

-

•In such a situation, you could die if left behind, yes?

Damn, this is awkward…

——————————————————————

Let’s play basketball=

•I will decline…

-

•I cannot find anything about that game that piques my interest.

Damn, this is awkward…

——————————————————————

Ah, maybe we should take off our clothes…?=

•Are you trying to get me to take my mask off, Shuichi…?

-

•I’m sorry, but now is not the time for that.

-

•Sister has not yet determined whether or not you are to be trusted.

-Sister? …What is he talking about? (Shuichi mind)

It seems like that didn’t go well…

——————————————————————

Let’s warm up a bit=

•That is not a bad suggestion.

-

•Whether or not one’s goal can be met is determined during one’s warm-up.

-

•That is what I believe…

-

•There is no such thing as being too cautious or planning too far ahead.

-

•You should continue strengthening those aspects of yourself, Shuichi.

Good, it seems like we both had a lot of fun.

——————————————————————

Let’s play dodgeball=

•Is such a game possible with only us two?

-

•Or is there a special rule that I am unaware of?

-

•If so, then I am curious to hear it…

-

•But if you are making fun of me, I shall tear your nerves from your skin.

It seems like that didn’t go well…

——————————————————————

I’ll be the referee=

•If I were to involve myself with sports, then the post of referee would suit me.

-

•Though they stand next to the court, a referee is still an outsider.

-

•It is the same with an anthropologist doing field work in an uncivilized land.

-

•It seems you have begun to understand the process of fieldwork, Shuichi…

Good, it seems like we both had a lot of fun.

——————————————————————

Let’s burn this place to the ground=

•I doubt there would be any documents of anthropological value here.

-

•So setting this building aflame is an option available to us.

-

•But I would prefer to leave that until after I have ingestigated thoroughly.

-

•After my investigation, however, I will assist you.

I think this conversation went well.

——————————————————————

COURTYARD==============

Let’s get some fresh air=

•The purity of nature is a common theme across many cultures.

-

•Sometimes, the taste of the air can be an indicator of location or whether.

-

•Ooh…just speaking of it has made me want to travel to far-off lands.

-

•Perhaps you would like to accompany me on my travels once we escape.

Good, it seems like we both had a lot of fun.

——————————————————————

Let’s go for a run=

•I’m not fond of vigorous exercise, but… perhaps it will be enjoyable.

-

•It is through many different experiences that one is able to understand humanity.

-

•Kehehe…Being with you has gained me a number of new experiences.

I think this conversation went well.

——————————————————————

Let’s relax in the sun=

•I will decline…

-

•I have some manner of condition where I overheat after being in the sun too long.

-…Probably because you’re wearing all black clothes…(Shuichi mind)

It seems like that didn’t go well…

——————————————————————

What a great view…=

•Do you think so…?

-

•Somehow, my senses are telling me this view is fake.

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•Well, there are times when amateurs are more on the mark.

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•Perhaps we shall avoid debating this topic.

It seems like that didn’t go well…

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Let’s dance!=

•This, too, relates to anthropology.

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•Anthropology and dancing are, in fact, very deeply related.

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•You’ve heard of ethnic dance before, yes?

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•Sometimes, a culture’s customs and history are demonstrated through dance.

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•You seem more and more and more like an anthropologist everyday, Shuichi.

I think this conversation went well.

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Lets go for a walk=

•Kehehe…an absolutely wonderful suggestion.

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•On-the-spot surveys are a cornerstone of fieldwork.

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•To be honest, meeting local people is best for expanding once’s knowledge…

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•But it would be fruitless to talk to Monokuma or his progeny.

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•So you and I shall thoroughly investigate this school together.

Good, it seems like we both had a lot of fun.

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I’ve gotten used to being here…=

•Now that I think of it, so have I. Don’t become too attached, however.

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•Life is meant to be a series of encounters and farewells.

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•Interacting with others is so enjoyable because it is a once-in-a-lifetime event.

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•With that knowledge, let us fully enjoy this moment together.

I think this conversation went well.

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I want to get outside as soon as I can…=

•I also look forward to travelling the country with you after we escape.

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•Humanity is beautiful… I wish for you to experience that truth firsthand.

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•With you there, I feel I shall enjoy humanity’s beauty all the more.

Good, it seems like we both had a lot of fun.

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Staying here forever wouldn’t be so bad=

•I cannot agree with that opinion…

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•Have you forgotten our promise to travel the country together?

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•It was a promise I made to you and you alone… I feel a bit betrayed…

Damn, this is awkward…

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