#I wish I had the energy to make more than phone edits

[starcrossedjedis]

Grace Yeung & James Medina in "Silenced"

"What are you doing here, Yeung?" - "I'm not sure." - "Shouldn't you and that fancy dress be at a party right now?" - "Yeah..." - "Yet here you are." - "Here I am."

tagged: @acabecca @akabluekat @arrthurpendragon @asirensrage @auxiliarydetective @bibaybe @bravelittleflower @chickensarentcheap @curious-kittens-ocs @darknightfrombeyond @darkwolf76 @daughter-of-melpomene @drbobbimorse @eddiemunscns @emilykaldwen @far-shores @foxesandmagic @fyoriginalstories @fyeahocsofcolor @harleyquinnzelz @if-you-onlyknew @jamezvaldes @jewishbarbies @katiekinswrites @kingsmakers @koiwrites @mabonetsamhain @margoshansons @mystic-scripture @ocappreciationtag @oneirataxia-girl @sgtbuckyybarnes @susiesamurai @stachedocs @thccraft @astarionbae

[dontsh0vethesun]

let me sleep.

masterlist

emily prentiss x reader

summary: you can’t sleep lately, emily is your only glimpse of comfort

angst, hurt/comfort, r can’t sleep, r is kinda sad, completely self indulgent

a/n: title is from ‘the wisp sings’ by winter aid - i didn’t base the fic on the song but it fits the vibe | i wrote this at 6am, it is all edited whilst sleep deprived so it isn’t great and may have errors.

word count: 1.5k

The quiet of the night leaves no room for rest. The hum of passing cars is long gone, the small space in your curtains you can never seem to be rid of lets in the light that starts the morning, and your eyes burn.

The quiet of the break of dawn is oppressive. Each night, the bleeding of sunrise into the once-dark sky is a weight in your mind, a bitter reminder that the sleep you beg for is just out of reach.

Your bedroom is muted and suffocating, you practically gasp for reprieve against the nagging of your mind each time you close your eyes. Weeks of sleepless nights, brief rests before the blare of your alarm and the occasional nap on the BAU jet, have left you weak. Tired to your aching bones, relying on cup after cup of coffee despite the way your heart threatens to break free of the confines of your chest.

You lie awake tonight, thinking that, just maybe, your stinging eyes will get a break, even beginning to finally drift off until your phone vibrates beside you. The shrill alarm tone you chose makes you nauseous and you could scream at the fact you have to claw yourself away from the obnoxiously expensive pillows you splurged on.

Instead of resting, you tap into the mere morsel of energy you have left to dress yourself for work, opting for a drive-thru coffee to save yourself the effort. The cold of your iced latte shakes you awake enough to walk into the bullpen. The half-empty cup was your crutch, and you hope it’ll serve you well enough to survive the morning.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Emily murmured from behind you. Just the sound was enough to finally pull somewhat of a smile from your lips. You offered the upturn of your mouth as a greeting, turning to face her as she shrugged off her jacket and dropped her bag beneath her desk.

She opened her mouth to talk again before Hotch grabbed your attention, stepping out of his office with nothing more than a nod of his head as he walked to the conference room.

“Couldn’t even finish my coffee in peace,” you mumbled, voice marred with exhaustion. Emily gave your arm a squeeze before she led the way.

You sipped through your paper straw while the case was discussed, chewing it into disgusting oblivion when all that was left was melting ice. You hardly listened, and you could hardly focus; you just shifted in your seat under the miserable exhaustion that felt as though some malevolent force had decided to tie weights of lead to your ankles.

You just wish someone had told you that the nights that left you tired would give you days of aching misery. The gluttonous streak of impulse you harbour wants to hand in your resignation just so you’d have ample time to curl up in your apartment and wallow in the sour gloom. The nagging voice of reason, however, knows that you need money. And Emily.

Somehow, through your daze, you made it onto the jet. And, because the world is desperate to disappoint you, the flight was a measly hour long. You kept yourself awake with a coffee constantly in your grasp, head held up by the window’s cool glass.

“For a jet that costs so much, you’d think they could spend a little extra on nicer coffee,” you grumbled with a bitter sip. Your words of protest were met with amused smiles, and if you were still in the ‘full to the brim with agita’ stage of tiredness, you’d have argued that you were completely earnest in your remark. Instead you settled on appreciating Emily’s smile.

“I’m sure Hotch could put in a request for one of those fancy machines,” she returned with a pointed look in his direction.

“Or Rossi could be charitable for once,” you added. Emily laughed at your retort with a nudge to your shoulder when he tutted in amusement - you were all very aware of his miserly tendencies by now.

You somehow managed to claw your way through to the evening; the ache for sleep hadn’t dwindled and yet you found yourself staring up at the ceiling with a sleeping brunette by your side.

Her lips were parted with even breaths, skin soft and dusted with the light pink of sleep. She looks beautiful even like this, and you could cry if you hadn’t grown bitterly numb. She’s much too good for you, you’re sure. A smile that brightens a room and a laugh to match. A person so full of love, and she chooses to spend her time with you, a person so drained with little left to give.

Your head weaves its webs of doubt, shame spilling into the cracks that won’t repair, spiralling in a perfect elixir of guilt and gut-wrenching agony. Your body grows hot beneath the duvet and your throat squeezes the air out of your lungs. You wish you could cry, muffled sobs into the quiet of the night until you finally sleep, but your face remains still and unmarked by tears.

The chill of the midnight air pulls goosebumps from your skin when you step out onto the hotel room's balcony. You shudder at the sudden change of temperature but revel in the fact that you're feeling something at least. Maybe now your body will realise you’re human and start to work correctly.

You think of Emily and all the ways you love her, leaning your arms against the balcony’s fencing; you can only seem to smile when she looks at you. You never want to dim the light that shines on you when she’s near by telling her the truth. That when she sleeps at night, you lie awake. That when you smile, you smile for her. That only she can make you laugh. That you feel as though you’re being consumed whilst your heart still pumps blood through your weary body. That you wouldn’t mind lying next to her as she sleeps every day until you die.

So trapped in your thoughts, you miss the change in the air; she sidled up beside you, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, looking perfectly adorable with a reddened cheek from where she’d cuddled up against her pillow.

“Hey, what’re you doing up?”

“I couldn’t sleep,” you shrugged. “It’s not too late yet, I’ll get enough hours in - you should go back to bed.”

“I sleep better when you’re around,” she returned, resting her hand on the small of your back. “Something on your mind?”

The words were on the tip of your tongue; the truth of your mind that keeps you awake. The fact she is much too perfect for you but you can’t let her go. That you’re only human if she’s by your side. Confessions of the purgatory you find yourself in, the sacrificial lamb ready to be slaughtered, pulled back by your devotion to her.

“No, not really,” you answered. “Just one of those nights, I guess.”

“Alright,” she breathed with a kiss to the top of your head. You’re not sure if she believed you. “It’s freezing out here; come back to bed.”

“I was looking at the moon before you interrupted me,” you teased, laughing at the way she gasped and poked your waist in amused disapproval. You’d throw a lasso around the planet and pull it down for her if that was what she desired - if that would make you more worthy of her affection.

“Well, she can wait because I’m tired,” she muttered. “Plus, I can actually see you,” she added, brushing a piece of hair behind your ear. There was something unspoken behind her words, you’re sure - part of you pathetically hopes there was. “And, I’m a professional cuddler.”

“That’s a strong claim, Emily,” you laughed.

“I have the trophy to prove it,” she seamlessly countered. “Come on, I’ll show you.” She took your cold hand in hers, breathing warmth into your skin, and pulled you behind her until she’d yanked you all the way beneath the covers once more.

She wrapped both arms around you with your face nestled in the crook of her neck and her nails stroking over the skin of your back beneath your shirt. You relaxed in her hold, deflating against her until you couldn’t be any more comfortable.

“The moon can’t do this,” she grumbled. Jealous of the moon as if she couldn’t easily find somebody better. You want to ask her, in the vulnerable silence of the night, why she chose you.

“No, it can’t.”

The smell of her perfume lingered on her skin, the reassuring scent of vanilla and violets you’ve grown used to, and as the minutes passed and passed the patterns drawn on your skin by the pads of her fingers dwindled down into nothing but a flattened palm. Each sleeping breath fell against your forehead in dulcet exhales of air. Occasionally, she’d shift in her position, reminding you that the thing that had quietened your head was the person who latched onto you.

You only managed to catch a couple of hours of sleep, but you think that perhaps one day you could rest soundlessly if she continues to choose you.

[kikyoupdates]

Girlfriend-For-Hire ⭑˚🦋⭑ 𝟶𝟹

yandere!ocs x f!reader

yandere, reverse harem, yandere reverse harem, original characters x fem!reader, slowburn, slowburn yandere

Hoping to try something new and earn a bit of money on the side, you join an app that lets people hire you for your dating services. The idea is pretty straightforward — you pose as the client's girlfriend for a brief period of time, and in turn, you receive payment. But you didn't foresee everyone getting so attached to you, and suddenly, they're no longer satisfied with a fabricated relationship.

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“This is from when we went to a cute coffee shop the other day. They have really good pastries there. I definitely recommend it.” 

“Aw, what a lovely picture,” Mary-Ann beams, leaning closer to you as you swipe through your phone’s gallery. “You two look very good together. You’re a great match.” 

You smile back at her, turning up the charm to the max. It’s a good thing you’re so handy with photoshop, because editing all these photos of you and Isaac together would have taken a newbie just about forever. But it’s helping your relationship seem that much more real, and most people can’t pick up on little discrepancies when it comes to edited photos anyways, not unless they’re glaringly obvious. 

Everyone finished their food a while ago, so you’ve just been sitting around the couch chatting with Isaac’s parents. The evening is just about over, and even though you know you shouldn’t get too ahead of yourself, you have good reason to believe that they are fully convinced you’re their son’s girlfriend. 

“Well, I think we should start heading out,” Isaac says, clearly signaling you with his eyes that he’s had enough and is ready to leave. “I’m burnt out from classes, and I don’t want to go to sleep too late tonight. Plus I still need to drive [Name] home.” 

Mary-Ann makes a big show of pouting. “Right. That’s too bad. I wish you two could have stayed for longer, but you’re both busy bees, aren’t you?” 

She just unironically said ‘busy bees’. That was kind of cute. 

Isaac stands up and pats you on the shoulder, and you quickly follow suit. While Michael certainly added quite a bit of tension to the evening, overall, you feel like you did your part. The situation was likely far less uncomfortable than usual thanks to you being here. You try to avoid imagining how Michael would have acted towards his son if there wasn’t a guest present. 

“I still feel like it was unnecessary to hide this from us,” Michael frowns, following you and Isaac to the front door. “You’ve finally found a girlfriend you can take pride in. Wouldn’t you want to show her off?” 

“She’s not an object,” Isaac scowls. “I’m not trying to parade her around as if she’s on display.” 

“You know that’s not what I meant. There’s nothing wrong with being proud of the person you’re with. Good grief,” Michael sighs. “You’re always so defensive.” 

Isaac turns away instead of responding. His freedom is right within his grasp, and you can tell he no longer has the energy to keep bickering with his father. 

You smile in an attempt to wrap the evening off on a high note. “Thank you again for having me over. Dinner was really good, and I had a lot of fun getting to know you guys.” 

“It was our pleasure,” Mary-Ann beams. “You’re more than welcome to drop by as often as you like. We’re happy to have you here.” 

“Isaac can be difficult, but don’t give up on him,” Michael says. “He needs someone like you in his life to set a good example.” 

You smile again and nod before saying your goodbyes. Isaac is already halfway out the door and waves listlessly without looking back, much to Michael’s distaste. 

It’s finally over. You did your part, and you have reason to believe that neither of his parents suspected a thing. 

Once he’s safely out of earshot and well within the comfort of his car, Isaac lets out a heavy sigh. 

“God, I’m tired,” he says. “That went on forever. Sorry. I probably should have been a bit more transparent about how awkward things are with my dad. I didn’t mean to put you on the spot like that.” 

You shake your head. “Don’t apologize. I figured your parents would be pretty strict, based on what you told me. It seems like they don’t doubt our relationship at all, which is good. And I prepared a lot in advance, so that definitely helped.” 

“You did great,” Isaac smiles. “I really appreciate it. I wish I’d found this app earlier so that I could have gotten them off my back ages ago.” He pauses for a moment, then clears his throat. “Or… actually, maybe it’s a good thing I joined when I did. You mentioned you signed up just recently, right? If I’d joined earlier, I wouldn’t have found you. I think it all worked out for the best.” 

He’s probably just being polite and praising you for a job well done, but nevertheless, his words make your cheeks feel hot. 

“Right,” Isaac blinks. “Time for your payment. I’ll do it in front of you so you don’t have to worry about being ripped off. I know we’ve only just met, but I promise I’m not the kind of person to do something like that.”

“I know,” you nod encouragingly. “Just from the few hours we’ve spent together, I can tell. You’re obviously a good guy. I wish your dad would cut you some slack.” 

Isaac blinks again, but this time it looks like he’s resisting the urge to cry. 

He chuckles shakily, composing himself quickly enough. Not long after, you receive a notification that new funds have been deposited into your account. 

So, it’s official, then.

You’ve just been paid to act as someone’s girlfriend.

“Five stars,” Isaac mumbles, no doubt giving you a review on the app. “I honestly don’t think I could do this kind of job. It takes a certain kind of person to be able to pull it off, especially since you have to improvise on the spot and you never know what’ll happen next. It’s impressive that you stayed so calm throughout the evening. Most people that meet my dad end up ripping their hair out.” 

“It wasn’t that bad,” you reassure. 

Especially since I’m used to my own dad being a massive prick.

Isaac smiles. “Well, either way, I really appreciate you helping me. It was worth every dime. Also… I mentioned before that this was only going to be a one-time thing, but sometime in the future, would you be open to meeting with them again? I don’t see them super often, but I just wanted to know if you’re willing to put yourself through this torture again. If not, I can’t really blame you.” 

“Sure,” you say. “As long as you give me a heads-up, it should be fine. It seriously wasn’t as bad as you’re thinking. If it helps you out, I’d be happy to do it.” 

Isaac’s smile brightens, and he nods enthusiastically. It’s clear that he’s in a much better mood now that he’s dealt with an unpleasant situation. The money is nice, but getting to see that blissful expression of his is even better, somehow.

Even though the job is technically over, Isaac goes out of his way to drive you home and thanks you once again for helping him. He waits for you to walk into your apartment safely, which you appreciate, and you wave goodbye to him for the last time.

As you walk up the steps to your unit, you contemplate the day’s events.

Isaac was clearly satisfied with how you did, and it seemed like his parents were pretty fond of you as well. You’re not sure how long he plans to deceive them for, but for the time being, it seems to be doing the trick.

Considering this was your very first day on the job, you feel like it went really well.

And it looks like you’re going to keep riding this high for a while longer, because shortly after you get home, a notification catches your eye. 

You blink several times in quick succession. Wait, seriously? You’re still fresh off your first day of work and there’s already another person who wants to hire you? 

Hardly much time has passed since you set up your profile, but if the offers continue to be this frequent, you might not even need to look for another job. 

You pause, then awkwardly clear your throat. 

I should stop getting carried away. This is only the second person who’s tried to request me. I don’t even know if I’ll accept them. 

Still, you feel confident after how happy Isaac was with your services, so you approach your new client with boundless optimism. 

He proceeds to send you a picture of him posing in front of a piece of street art which you unfortunately recognize. It’s the same one you’ve passed by several times while on campus. 

Shit. He goes to the same university as you? That could get a little awkward. 

It takes you a while to respond. Well… Ava did say before that some people are just looking for a bit of companionship from time to time. Maybe that’s the case for Callum? He might just be in a bad spot and needs someone to talk to.

As a matter of fact, it sounds almost too good to be true, but if he’s really serious about this, then this will be the easiest money you’ve ever made in your entire life. Unlike with Isaac, you won’t have to memorize a bunch of facts to try and deceive people into believing your relationship is real. You’ll be getting paid just to hang out with someone. On campus, no less, so you won’t even have to go out of your way. 

At the time, you deluded yourself into thinking that all Callum wanted was a friend, and that there was nothing more to it.

But of course, you were sorely mistaken.

“No way!” Ava squeals. “You have another job already? Today? Here?” 

You glance around in a panic. Her outcry has drawn countless eyes towards the two of you, and since you’re in a library, people aren’t happy with the loud distraction. 

“Shh,” you urge, pressing a finger to your lips and gesturing for her to be quiet. “Not so loud. I also don’t want people to know that this is technically a job. But yeah, this guy goes to the same university as us. He said he didn’t need me to act like his girlfriend and said it was fine to just be his friend instead.” 

Ava giggles. “Sorry, sorry. But wow, that sounds awesome! Not only do you get paid, but you don’t need to do anything too crazy either. This guy must be pretty laid back. What’s his name?”

“I’m not sure if I should be telling you,” you frown. “He probably doesn’t want other people knowing that he paid for my time. I don’t know all the details, but things might not be going so well if he needs to hire a friend through an app rather than confiding in a real one. Out of respect for his privacy and personal situation, I think I should keep this to myself.” 

“Oh, come on,” she whines. “You’re just teasing me at this point. You told me about Isaac, didn’t you? And if you didn’t want me to ask, you shouldn’t have mentioned that you had a new job right on campus!” 

“I only told you because you were trying to hang out later when I’m supposing to be meeting with him.” 

“But still!” 

She balls her hands into fists and huffs—a bit too loudly, it seems, because several people turn around and openly glare at her. 

Ava flashes them a sheepish smile, then looks back at you with big, imploring eyes. “Pretty please? With a cherry on top? I just want to know his name and what he looks like. You know I won’t go blabbing to anyone. If I ever pass by the two of you hanging out, I promise not to let it slip that I know he hired you. Haven’t I always been a woman of my word?” 

To her credit, she’s really good at keeping secrets. Trust is important in all relationships, not just romantic ones, and the fact that the two of you are so transparent with each other is one of the main reasons your friendship has lasted this long. 

“Fine,” you eventually give in, and Ava dramatically pumps her fist in the air. People are still looking at her, so they must think she’s got a few screws loose. Well, not that she seems to mind.

You pull out your phone and swipe the app open. 

“His name is Callum,” you say. “He’s a year older than me. He mentioned he took a gap year after high school so he started a bit later than we did. I don’t know too much else about him, but he didn’t have any specific requests or ask me to prepare anything, so it sounds like we really are just going to be hanging out.” 

Ava studies the profile attentively. “He’s pretty hot,” she remarks. “I feel like he’s got that mysterious kind of bad boy vibe that most people are really into. Well, I personally think nice-looking guys like Isaac are better. Or my amazing boyfriend, of course.” 

“Should I tell him he was just an afterthought on that list?” you tease. 

“Oh, shush. He knows I love him. I’m just speaking objectively. None of these guys are ever going to make me act out.” 

You chuckle softly. Callum is attractive, that much you can admit to, but it’s comforting to know that you can just be yourself and take it easy around him. He isn’t expecting a practiced performance or anything. You actually almost feel guilty accepting the money. If you end up having fun, isn’t it basically just a meet-up with a friend? 

“I can pretty much read your mind,” Ava snorts. “Don’t feel sorry for him. We don’t know why he feels the need to do this, or what exactly is going on in his life. Like you said, there’s no way to know the details. He’s the one who offered you money in exchange for your time, so you have no reason to feel guilty about it.” 

“Yeah… that’s true,” you nod. “At least I’m helping people, one way or another. But I feel like people don’t usually help others expecting money in return…” 

“That’s not true. So many different jobs involve helping people, but it’s not like people can just work for free. We can’t help that we need money to survive. Seriously,” she sighs, patting your back in reassurance, “you’re way too nice. Going out of your way to help a total stranger isn’t something the average person does, and besides, you’ve got student loans and tuition to pay. You’re dealing with your own shit, and so is he, right?” 

Perhaps it’s because this job sounds so much easier than the previous one. At least in Isaac’s case, you had to prepare ahead of time and maintain a convincing performance in an awkward and relatively stressful environment. It felt like you actually earned your pay. 

Well, it’s too late to back out now. I guess I shouldn’t keep beating myself up over it. If I end up having fun while working, where’s the harm in that? As long as Callum’s happy, that’s all that matters. 

You smile back at Ava. As always, she’s right. You’re lucky to have a friend like her, who pushes you to step out of your comfort zone and try new things. Without her, you’re sure you would be missing out on all kinds of interesting experiences. 

“I should get going now,” you say, already packing up your things.

Ava frowns. “Huh? So soon?” 

“We’re meeting on the opposite end on campus, and I don’t want to be late. And no, you can’t follow me and spy on us.” 

“[Name], please,” she laughs. “I do have some self-control. Plus, my classes start soon.” 

“It wouldn’t be the first time you’ve skipped class. I’m actually kind of scared to even ask what your attendance record is like.”

“Hey! I’ve been getting better lately, okay?” 

You zip up your backpack and laugh as you wave goodbye to her. You open up your phone to the app and check the last message you exchanged with Callum. The meet-up spot hasn’t changed, and he hasn’t mentioned anything else since then. 

You wonder what you’ll be doing together. Well, since you’re meeting at a cafe, you can start off by grabbing some coffee and sitting down for a chat, but it sounds like you both have a bit of time to kill before your afternoon classes. Maybe you can go on a stroll through the university gardens? Actually, he might already have something else planned. 

You’ve always been prone to overthinking, but you eventually reason that there’s no way to prepare for this, and hardly a point either. 

It’s just going to be a chill hangout session, and who knows? You might even get a new friend out of it. 

You thought for sure you would be the early one, but when you arrive at the cafe, you find that Callum is already waiting there. 

He spots you without a moment’s delay. 

“Oh, hey,” he grins. “You’re [Name]? Wow, you’re even prettier than in all your pictures. They don’t do you justice at all.” 

“Thanks,” you blush. “The same goes for you. Your pictures were nice, but you look even better in person.” 

“Flattery will get you nowhere,” he brushes off. He pauses for a moment, then his grin gets even wider. “Just kidding. Keep complimenting me as much as you want. I like it.” 

You chuckle awkwardly, and perhaps a touch nervously. He doesn’t really seem like the type of guy who doesn’t have any friends. He’s clearly extroverted, and charismatic, and between the two of you, you’re the one who’s visibly on edge. 

Again, there’s no point in wondering why he hired you. The point is that he did hire you, and you had better make sure he’s satisfied with his experience.

“Well, it’s nice to be meeting you in person,” you smile. “What did you want to do first? I guess we’ll start with some coffee?” 

“Yeah, I need coffee ASAP,” Callum nods. “I get cranky without it. It’s an inevitable side effect of being an insomniac. As you can probably tell.” 

He has discernible dark circles under his eyes, so you kind of figured he might be sleep-deprived. Quite frankly, he looks like the kind of person who subsists solely off coffee, microwaved meals, and cigarettes. 

Then again, that’s probably the case for most university students.

“Let’s head in,” Callum gestures. He stops in front of the door to smile back at you. “And thanks again for agreeing to my request, even though you don’t usually do this kind of thing on campus.” 

“Just as friends,” you feel the need to clarify. “As long as it’s just as friends, then there’s no problem.” 

Callum keeps smiling sweetly, but his pale eyes briefly glint with something akin to amusement.

Needless to say, you don’t pick up on it.

“Yep,” he beams. “Just friends. Anyways, I need my coffee. I’m basically dead on my feet.” 

You follow him inside the store, ordering your own coffee after he does. Since neither of you have classes anytime soon, you figure you might sit around and talk for a little while, so you head to one of the tables. 

Callum, however, stops you.

“Let’s sit outside,” he insists. “They’ve got tables there too. The weather’s nice today. I want to enjoy the sun.” 

“Oh, sure,” you nod.

There’s no reason to object. Spring is right around the corner, so it’s definitely been warming up lately. You sit down next to Callum and take a tentative sip of your coffee, exhaling happily as you lift your face towards the sunny sky. 

“This was a good call,” you acknowledge. “It’s relaxing, being able to drink good coffee and sit under the sun. I’m usually scrambling to finish my coffee in time for class. I definitely needed a change of pace.” 

Callum chuckles. “Yeah, you get it. I feel like people are always going a hundred miles a minute, but I’m just trying to take it easy and actually enjoy life. People seem to forget how to do that nowadays. It’s kind of a shame.” 

He starts sipping at his coffee, and you decide to focus on your own drink instead of disturbing him. You’ve only just met, but you’re already starting to feel more at ease. He really is laid back and chill. 

Yeah. Accepting his request was definitely the right call.

…or was it? 

“Callum?” 

Someone calls his name out of nowhere. Naturally, you turn towards the source, where a young woman is standing still as a statue, and for some reason, she looks absolutely flabbergasted.

Before you can even think twice about it, Callum wraps his arm around your shoulder, which makes the woman nearly pop a blood vessel.

You suddenly feel as though something is horribly wrong.

“Oh, hey Nadia,” Callum hums. “What’s up?” 

Nadia doesn’t say anything at first. Just like you, she’s in utter disbelief and is still struggling to process what’s happening. Callum holds you tight, hardly giving you any wiggle room, and something tells you that if you push him away right now, he won’t be happy about it. 

But even if you did push him away in time, you doubt it would have made a difference. Already, the damage has been done.

Nadia grits her teeth, expression turning venomous. 

“...who the fuck is she?” 

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[banquetwriter]

୨୧ untitled ୨୧

pairing: Johnnie Guilbert ♡︎ Reader

warnings: ୭̥⋆*｡ crying, major deppression

summary: ʚ you go through a depressive episode and Johnnie helps ɞ

Words: 1777

An: so this was horrible for me to write and I'm so so sorry

Guilt was racking through your body. You don't have any energy left in your body nowadays, it's the reason you haven't posted in almost two months. It's the reason your room and subsequent house are filthy. It's the reason why no matter how hard you try you never ever seem to fit in.

Your cheeks are tear-stained, and you haven’t washed your face in god knows how long. You've showered sure, but you haven't done your proper skincare in weeks.

Your depression has been a part of your life for as long as you can remember. It gets better, sometimes, other times it drains you of everything you have. Every day felt like a battle for you. You sigh looking at your phone it is almost 4 pm.

Your boyfriend, Johnnie, had texted you almost 2 hours ago. The rough nights you experienced led you to wake up late in the afternoon, so the plan usually involved Johnnie heading over whenever you woke up or after he was done filming.

He has wished you a good ‘morning’ and to let him know when he could head over. You wanted to indulge, truly you did, but Johnnie didn't deserve that. He had enough in his life to worry about. There was no need to worry him with your pathetic life.

The issue is you couldn't keep him on the hook like this. You sighed picking up your phone, you numbly typed out a plain excuse, telling him today wouldn't work. You put the phone down and roll over in your bed again.

You sat curled in a little ball staring out your window. There were crows sitting on top of the next-door building. You sat and quietly observed the birds, watching them move side to side. You wish life were that simple, all you had to worry about was eating and flying around.

You didn't have to worry about the eternally crushing depression that sucks your life form. Your face heated up again with the thought of Johnnies, tears pooling in your eyes.

You missed him so much. He was such a caring loving person, it wasn't always easy for him to show that. He had his ways though. Always make sure you eat, get decent sleep, etc.

Your relationship was usually the opposite way, you know just how much he struggled. You were going to be there for absolutely all of it no matter what. Nothing was going to stop you from loving him. He shouldn't have to worry about you.

But he did, it was the reason why when he saw your texting while editing he immediately called you. You were always such a beacon of positivity for him. He knew the signs, from himself and his friends. You had stopped eating unless he forced you to.

You were wearing long sleeves and sweatpants only. You never went out, just stayed in your room. He can't even remember the last time you said more than a few words to him in a single conversation. He placed the phone next to his ear and nervously tapped his foot on the floor of his room.

“Hello?” you answered with a croak. Johnnie never called you unless he really really missed your voice. Which for him was usually the case when it was nighttime. Those were extreme cases, he hated talking on the phone and absolutely despised it. Too many nerves for him.

He didn't speak for a second, half expecting you not to answer for some reason. “Hey,” he starts. You hold your breath for a second knowing what the conversation was about before he even started to speak.

“Can I please come over? I'm worried about you.”Johnnie says over the phone, fiddling with the zipper of his jacket. You inhaled with a shaky breath. “You can. It won't be a lot of fun though,” you mumbled back to him fiddling with your piercing.

“Well- when can I come over?” he asked. This awkward tension filled the phone line, the systematic white noise causing your heart to beat heavily. “Whenever you want Johnnie I'm not leaving the house anytime ever,” you reply sarcastically earning an annoyed grunt from Johnnie.

“I can be over soon, I'll let you know when my Uber shows up and I'm on my way ok?” He knew your bad attitude was because of something, and no matter how much it was upsetting him he needed to be here for you.

You on the other hand could cry from guilt. How dare you be a pathetic sack all day, cancel on your boyfriend only for him to kindly offer to be there for you and you are rude to him? On top of that, he has to pay to drive to YOUR house! “No Johnnie don't call an Uber I will come pick you up.” you offered, standing up and searching for your keys.

“I thought you weren't leaving.” he rebutted. You took a deep breath, “but I love you, so I'm not gonna make you pay to cheer me up ok?” you spoke finally finding your keys. “I don't want to stress you out.” you heard over the phone.

You tried to fight his kindness but after a minute it was clear he wasn't going to let you drive. Today was a relaxing day for you, at least it was supposed to be.

You were a protector, it's what made Johnnie fall so in love with you. You were so kind and caring for him, constantly taking care of him when he had those days when he just couldn't take it anymore.

You never did it with the intention to receive it though. So when Johnnie knocked on your door and you trudged to open it for him it shocked you how much he did care.

You tried to make yourself look strong but as your eyes locked tears pooled crowding your vision. You turned away from the door and him as you covered your face with your hands.

You couldn't stop the pull of dread that filled your heart. You felt your knees touch the floor as you collapsed onto the ground. You could hear the door close and Johnnie rushed to your side. He was speaking about something, maybe he was saying how you were going to be ok.

Maybe he was begging you to tell him what was going on. You weren't sure. All you could focus on was ringing in your ears, the thumping of your heart, and the crocodile tears that leaped from your face.

His hands ran against your back and shoulders. Eventually, you were able to look up at him. He wasn't wearing any makeup, just a hat with a button-up and skinny jeans. All you could mutter out was a broken “I'm sorry.”

Your voice cracked and shattered as you spoke. Your boyfriend and the love of your life stared at you back, his face heating up his own tears forming. He sat with you behind your couch on the floor.

“Let's move to the couch,” he said his voice coming out falsely confident, you shook your head, yes taking his hand that helped you up. He wasn't used to helping people like this, he would try his best and maybe give advice.

But he tried to do what you did with him. He sat you down on the couch, taking note of your appearance. You had dulled messy hair, dark almost permanent circles under your eyes, you looked pale and gaunt your face seemingly shrunk.

He rushed away from you, getting you a cup of water, something you did for him without fail. He set it in your hands knowing the coolness would ground you. He moved to your side sitting down next to you. He hesitantly placed his hand on your chest feeling your heartbeat.

It was rapid and intense as he pulled you close to him, wrapping his other arm around you and tilting his head on your shoulder. As you slowly sipped the water between hiccups he felt your heartbeat slow and your breath wasn't so rapid. You were calming down.

Once you finished your cup you set it down and shifted so your head was resting on his almost bare chest. He moved his hat off and sat normally on the couch as you cuddled up to him. He wasn't sure what he should say that could help.

After all, he wasn't very good at this but he so desperately wanted to be. “I don't know when this really started for me. As long as I can remember I was different. Things that seemed so small for other people worried me so much,” you spoke, finally breaking the silence.

He knew some of your past and struggles but nothing too deep. He wanted to hear them from you. This was the best way to do that. He didn't say anything yet, he just looked down and observed you as you played against him.

“I felt this feeling when I was all alone and it was cold and rainy outside. It was almost like a shiver up my spine. I was feeling so safe and protected all alone like that, if I hadn't frozen I could have stayed in the rain forever.” he wasn't sure where exactly your story was going but he knew you and he also knew it was important.

“I was so comfortable with being alone, that stayed with me. There are days more often than not when I cannot do anything. I sit and rot in my bed all day, I don't sleep, I don't eat, I don't do anything.” Johnnie did not know that. He knew since he was busy with filming you often just stayed home.

It doesn't sound like that was a good thing, however. “I am drowning but I've pretended to stay afloat for so long. I'm so fucking tired Johnnie I don't know what I'm going to do anymore.” Your voice was calm but powerful.

You didn't move but you could hear Johnnie's heartbeat increase. “I haven't taken care of myself in so long.” this was whispered, for a second you weren't sure if you had said it out loud. You suppose you did when Johnnie pulled you away from you, your confession hung on the air like wet clothes.

He took a second before he nearly engulfed you with a hug. He squeezed your whole body tight, “Please don't leave.” was all he whispered in your ear. He cradled your body tightly. He slowly started to rock you back and forth. The lull of his body slowly sent you to sleep.

[ayrtonswnna]

ʚïɞ "a podium to celebrate", pt II. OP81

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⋮ fluff. word count: 1.4k. ʚɞ part I here.

⠀✧₊⁺ oscar piastri x aria giuseppe (red bull driver!female oc)

summary: aria and oscar late night after the hungarian gp.

warnings: pure fluff but badly written, i am sorry. taylor swift references, max verstappen as a special guest, could have ended in smut but the writer didn't feel like it should.

"Where are you going?"

Aria cursed under her breath as she heard the neighboring door creak open, revealing her teammate’s face, grinning mischievously.

"Fuck off," she whispered, her backpack light on her shoulders as she glanced back at the driver over her shoulder. "Go to sleep. I got more points than you today. Go mull over that."

"Calling Christian right now... Babybull is leaving the hotel, and I bet she’s headed to McLaren’s. Should I guess the room?"

Verstappen pretended to be on the phone, teasing the younger driver, making her step back and playfully swat at his arm.

They were good friends. Ever since Aria debuted in Formula One, Max had been someone she looked up to and a fun coworker. She knew he was joking as he watched her leave.

"It's easy to guess the room; you'd be the one sneaking into their first driver's. I've read about it on Twitter," she taunted, giggling as he rolled his blue eyes. "Fuck off, Max. Go to bed. Leave me alone.

"You'll be alone with the winner. Let me at least crack a joke!" he continued in a playful tone, watching her resume walking. "Wishing my mate Piastri good luck — you've got too much energy."

"I'm sure he can keep up," she quipped before heading to the elevators and out of the building.

Sneaking off was something both the Red Bull and McLaren drivers were used to doing; it was all fun when they had days off and could freely be around each other. But there was also the thrill of leaving their own hotels just to see one another, and that’s where Aria was headed now. A rented car waited for her just outside, and the drive to the hotel where the McLaren crew was staying was quick — nothing like a GP lap, but close enough.

She knocked softly on her best friend's door, which opened to reveal a soft smile before she jumped into his arms.

"Hello, Formula One Grand Prix winner... How are we holding up?" Her tone was sing-song, arms wrapped around the Aussie’s neck as he lifted her by the waist.

"We are actually... having pizza and drinking soda for the celebration, and... whatever else you might have in mind."

Aria giggled as he carried her through the suite, making sure to discard her backpack somewhere on the floor. They did this every now and then, even on nights that could’ve turned into wild parties. While the other RB-MC duo might be headed to the club, these two would be headed to the couch.

They had known each other since their karting days, when it all started with a humble Oscar and a small-but-fiery Aria. He had always been too nice for the go-kart tracks, and she had felt the same protective instinct around him; a special kind of care he sometimes felt unworthy of.

Then things grew, just like they did. Formula 2, testing in better cars, and finally, the dream became a reality. They were still there for each other, spending nights together, celebrating wins, or keeping vigil after losses.

A lot had changed since the beginning — not just the karts evolving into complex, expensive machines. Like the way their lips touched so naturally now. Aria cupped the Aussie’s face before pressing a quick kiss to his lips, a simple peck they always played off as a joke. They handled things better that way.

"Alright, Mr. First-Win, put me on the couch so I can lay down and watch our new edits. Let’s go." She tapped the boy on the shoulder, prompting him to carefully place her on the sofa.

"Taylor Swift songs as requested." he teased, kneeling on the couch, his knees on either side of Aria’s body before he laid his head on her chest, waiting only a second before her fingers found their way into his hair.

Physical intimacy — that was them. They had their moments with no clothes on, nights that vanished too quickly, or touching each other in ways that ignited a fire. But there was something special about moments like these, too.

Just existing around each other, finding comfort amid their crazy, rushed routine — being each other's safe place. That was it, simply put.

"Yes, yes. Taylor Swift songs. ‘Daylight,’ please, dear Lord. Let a teenage girl edit us to the bridge of ‘Daylight,’ please." Aria joked as usual, while Oscar giggled on top of her, watching her TikTok before she searched for their names in the search bar.

"This is just crazy. Do you ever think about it?" Oscar’s voice dropped at least an octave.

"About how cute we look on podiums? And talking to each other in the paddock?" she teased, her fingers tracing soft lines on his scalp as his hands rested on her sides.

"About how people think they’re making things up about us when it’s actually... real."

They had made a deal ever since their friendship started including kisses and waking up naked in each other’s beds. It was easier without the public's eyes on their personal lives. But still, people insisted on "making up" a relationship for them.

They did it with any two drivers who ever looked at each other, so why wouldn’t it happen to the one duo that was always together? Driver’s parade? Leaving the paddock? There was even a clip of Aria waiting outside McLaren’s motorhome as if she were Romeo waiting for Juliet.

However, she had only one thing in mind. "Real."

"So we’re real." A little smirk tugged at her lips, which Oscar couldn’t see, but there was no way he didn’t know her well enough.

"Stop smiling." he chuckled, his own lips curling up. "We were always real, Aria. Quit this talk."

"Real like... edits of us with that Zayn song? Look at us, look at us!" She shoved her phone in his face, the screen flashing edits of their moments earlier that day, set to the song.

But Oscar was quick to notice things, especially when it came to Aria. She ran from deep conversations and would joke her way out of anything, even if she had to joke all the way to heaven to avoid uncomfortable topics.

"Real like real. Real like really, really, really real." It had been on his mind ever since the cool-down room. It was.

"Hmm... Yeah." Aria mimicked the probable hours of footage of Oscar making these same sounds, and he couldn’t help but laugh softly as he raised his head just enough to see her. "What do you mean, Osc?"

Oscar was trying to get to three simple words.

But Aria made it so hard to get to that point. They had said it before, they did every now and then. The challenge was fitting the words into what they truly meant.

Not as a friend, not as someone who grew up with you, not as the fan they were of each other — none of that.

"You don’t?" He raised his head a little more, moving up her body in a funny way just to be closer. "Aria, you know I would’ve had a very, very strange first win if it wasn’t for you, right?"

"Nah, I just did the world a favor by soaking you in champagne. You won the race, remember?"

"Stop joking, Ri. I’m serious." His thumb caressed her chin, his eyes roaming over her face. "You’ve been doing this for me for years now — you’re always there."

"Because I always win." A forced, playful smile tugged at her lips as Oscar lightly rolled his eyes. "That’s what we do for each other, Osc. Stop. No need to say anything."

"Hmm?" At this point, he was lost, focused on how her eyes crinkled when she smiled, how her lips moved with her Italian accent, and how it felt to be on top of her. Just existing. "You know what, Aria? I’ve been meaning to tell you this for a—"

No need to finish. There wasn’t a need to say it because they had always known. Her lips crashed into his like a car into a wall. Everything went silent as her hands found their way back into Oscar’s hair, caressing the soft locks as his body lifted slightly.

The kiss deepened, a rush of emotions pouring into it. A tender feeling, yet filled with passionate intensity.

He was still on top of her, but no longer lying down. One hand balanced on the sofa, while the other hooked around the girl's neck, their bodies pulled closer, as if afraid to let go.

Every second seemed to stretch, filled with the sweetness of the moment as they melted into each other, the kiss saying everything Aria didn’t let Oscar say.

"I know you love me," she whispered, still close to his lips as they both gasped for air. "Because I love you too."

ʚïɞ

[milktei]

Us Without Me

Suna Rintarou x gn!Reader

Genre: Angst. hurt with no comfort :0. a bit of a character study??? with a touch of song fic (but no lyrics because it’s just not my thing)

Warnings: none(?)

Requests: Closed

not edited

a/n: A small gift for 300 followers :3 Based off of the song ‘Us Without Me’ by Grent Perez (PLS LISTEN TO IT. AND HIS WHOLE DISCOGRAPHY ITS BANGER AFTER BANGER FOR ANY MOOD). i haven’t had the energy to do any requests but this song just inspired me and i managed to write it between all my school work.

I hope y’all enjoy this because i know that i’m very inconsistent when it comes to posting but i’m so so grateful to everyone that enjoys my writing. I’m currently in stem so being able to be creative in some way between my stressful life has been a blessing. it’s just an extra benefit that people enjoy what i write.

In his defence. He was never that in tune with his emotions. At least… that’s what he keeps telling himself.

The silence that came with staying up well into the night was something that he used to relish in. After a hectic day of training he knew that eventually the night would come and he could relax in complete silence doing whatever he wanted.

That was until you left.

You used to go up to him to talk about your day the moment he got home. He would often tune you out as he took off his shoes, up until he managed to get into the shower. His days used to be filled with your voice.

Used to.

For a while after you had left the apartment, he thought that you’d eventually come back. You always did. You usually needed a bit of time to calm down after big arguments such as the one you had that one fateful night.

Eventually you’d come around. That’s what he always told himself.

Though it seemed like this would be the one exception. Now he was left in this apartment that felt far too big, and far too quiet for one person.

How he wished to hear you talk about your day just one more time.

He was never the type to think much about the past, always the kind of person to look towards the future and its plethora of possibilities, but not this time.

In the quiet parts of the night, when there was nothing to distract his mind from reminiscing, his mind forced him to consider the ‘what if’s?’ What could have been had he not spoken to you the way he did that night. Had he put aside his pride for once and chased after you like the damn fool he knew he was.

You leaving him left him with more questions than answers. Rather, more questions that he didn’t want to know the answers to. Questions that he would never be able to pull himself to ask.

He would never ask those questions. He kept his space. He wouldn’t dare contact you because he knew that it wasn’t him that you wanted. Definitely not because he was scared of any further rejection.

Definitely.

So he was stuck, thinking about what you had, cursed with the thoughts of what could have been while you had managed to break free.

He eventually got into the habit of watching from afar, just to make sure you were doing okay. That’s what he would tell himself unconvincingly. What a mess he was, looking at your posts on social media for a bit too long. Clicking on your account and scrolling through it a bit too often.

Analyzing your most recent post for a bit too long, and realizing that there were two drinks at the table you sat at. You’d always beg him to visit new cafes with you, more often than not he’d say he was busy or tired.

He’s stare at the picture for far too long, and eventually realize that you were looking at the person taking the picture with the same flustered yet elated look that you would give him all that time ago.

His heart sinks to his stomach but all he can do is look at you through a screen.

The more you posted the more evident it became that you were over him. He would chuckle angrily at his phone. The same phone you would beg him to get off of, just to give you even a fraction of his attention. He could never tell if he was angry at you for moving on so quickly, or at himself for caring so much now. Only after you had left for good.

He found himself wondering how you purged him from your heart so easily. When the mark you left on his was still so prominent. Then he remembers how he treated you and the mark begins to throb.

He thinks about how you live somewhere else now. How you’ve made a new place your own but even after all this time there are still remnants of you in his godforsaken apartment. The bath mat you bought, the way you organized the kitchen, the body wash you insisted he buy because you liked the way it smelled. He still buys it.

All this pain and heartache that he feels. He worries that he’ll be tethered to it forever. forced to live with the fact that he’s lost the best thing that could have ever happened to him and he’ll just have to accept it. For a man that only looked to the future, he can’t imagine himself living as carefree as he once did and it worries him. More than he would ever like to admit.

He finds himself comparing your new relationship to the one you two used to share. An immensely unhealthy habit for one to develop, but one he couldn’t free himself from.

‘We used to be like that’ he thinks to himself dejectedly as he sees a video of you and your new flame a mutual friend posted. He can see himself in the position of the other person but then he is dragged back to reality, and can see it’s the relationship you two once had. Just without him.

In the end he has to accept the bitter truth and realize that it wasn’t him that you needed. But god he still desperately needed you.

But as he looks at your new relationship, it becomes more clear to him. He didn’t deserve you, and he would have to live with that. The amount of attention and love you now get. The happiness in your eyes that grows with each post. It’s incomparable to how you two used to be. When he’s feeling particularly pathetic, he imagines himself as your new partner. Devoted, loving, determined to ensure the relationship works.

That’s where his imagination stops. In reality he knows that your relationship never looked like that. It never would have, not with how he was.

So he remains in the silent darkness of his room. Staring at pictures of you and your new fiancé. Stuck in his delusions that in another life this is exactly how your relationship would looked. It’s just that this time, it was without him.

[chrisevansonly]

Just To See You Smile (harry’s angel au)

pairing: harry styles x female reader (angel)

summary: harry’s only been gone a few hours and it’s proving to take a bigger toll on you than you thought

warnings: slight angst, some tears, harry being the fluffiest and sweetest<3

a/n: my life is literally so frustrating right now; i feel lost, alone and lately trying to throw myself into writing because it feels like the only thing i’m good at: even tho most of the time i h8 my writing lol this was written in my phone and not edited yet<3

The soft fabric of the cashmere duvet was your biggest comfort as you lay in bed, unmoving from the spot you usually shared with Harry. He’d left a few hours ago to continue his tour in Belgium and yes I suppose you could call yourself dramatic, but being as pregnant as you were, the sudden disruption to your routine was throwing you off kilter more than it usually would. Despite your pleas and begging, your doctor and midwives told you travelling for the next week and a bit was not recommended, they’d noticed some concerns at your last scan which had instilled panic between both you and Harry at the time.

It hadn’t been an easy pregnancy once you’d hit 5 months along, and now you were even more on edge and anxious, your brain spinning through every possibility and every scenario that could happen to you or your daughter. In a way having Harry with you and touring with him had grounded you and allowed you time to escape the nagging your brain had been doing to you. Of course Gemma and Anne were set to arrive in a few hours to spend the next week and a bit with you, that would help, but nothing could fill that spot Harry did when he was gone.

Your eyes were tired and bloodshot, nose stuffed from the tears you’d been shedding on and off all morning, baby bee not making life any easier with her sharp kicks and rolling around she was doing. It wasn’t until your phone went off that your eyes moved from the laundry basket in the corner of the room to the screen that lit up; a photo of you and Harry at your still secret maternity shoot your newest background. Swiping to answer the facetime call, your heart clenched seeing Harry’s face, a sad smile on his face when he saw you

“My angel…”

“H-Hi”

He frowned, tears slowly lining your eyes yet again, almost in an annoying way at this point

“I’m sorry this is so hard on you baby, breaks my heart to see you so sad…how are you feeling? She not causing you too much trouble I hope?”

“I just m-miss you…don’t like being a-away from you, even if it’s only b-been a few hours…”

Sniffling you paused to wipe your eyes

“Still not feeling very well, she’s been kicking and moving a lot, i’m too tired to move though…s’like she’s sucking the energy right out of me”

It wasn’t as if you were trying to make Harry feel guilty for needing to work but you knew he’d find out how you were really feeling eventually if you lied to him, so there was no point in beating around the bush

“I wish I could snap m’fingers and make you feel better, I know this is getting harder on you, fucking sucks I can’t still be home with you right now..”

“I know…but you’re working hard and so many people are so excited to see you, guess i’m just used to touring with you that I don’t k-know what to do when I’m not”

He nodded, listening to everything you had to say, little noises of agreements or soft praises escaping every so often, anything to try and see his angel smile, that was the goal of any facetime call the two of you shared

“Mum and Gem are coming over soon right? What are you ladies gonna get up too?”

Shrugging you thought about it

“I think we’re gonna plan the nursery together, look at furniture and paint colours and work on some wedding things which I think will be a good distraction”

“That sounds fun baby, I know whatever you come up with will be amazing, you’ve got a good eye for that stuff”

“Not as good as you”

“I beg to differ”

A small smile pulled at the edge of your lips, Harry’s eyes lighting up at the sight of that

“There’s my favourite smile, love seeing you smile darling, my favourite thing in the world”

“Hard when you’re not here sometimes”

He nodded

“I know but even if i’m a country or a timezone away I’ll always make sure to see that smile, even if I have to dance around ridiculously, making you happen is my goal you know that”

Allowing another smile to appear on your face, this time bigger than the last, was enough to have Harry cheering, loudly at that

“You’re so silly…s’just a smile H”

“Yes, but it’s my favourite smile…besides I was hoping to take you on a tour around Belgium with me…maybe that will keep that pretty smile on that beautiful face of yours”

“It might…”

Harry laughed shaking his head while he brought you with him as he changed, showing you the hotel room and the view from the balcony, your eyes catching the bright colours of the city below him. He kept notice of your mood shifting, your eyes brightening the more he showed you, honestly when Jeff asked why he wanted to wait to rehearse until later, he should have known it would have something to do with you.

“Want to go see the city a bit? I’ll show you some of the cute little tea and coffee shops we spotted earlier?”

“Yes please H…love you so much you know that?”

He nodded, bringing the phone to his lips so he could press a kiss to the camera, albeit very dramatically which earned a laugh from you

“I love you more m’angel, i’d do anything for you, always”

You may not have been able to attend the next few love on tour shows, but that wouldn’t stop Harry from calling tou in every city he visited until you’d be reunited, just so he could show you the sights, the sounds and make you feel like you were with him every step of the way, even if you were stuck in London, counting down the days until you’d be back together. One day at a time, he’d tell you, and you couldn’t wait until that day you were able to rejoin him and experience the world with your own eyes again…

[secretswiftymarvelfan]

Burnin’ Up - Firefighter!Chris AU Drabble: Home Sweet Home

A/N: just a little drabble from my favourite emergency services pair 🥰 is not linked to the series plot so you don’t have to worry about spoilers if you haven’t read the series yet! It’s also not set at any particular time so doesn’t follow on from the events of part 17 (in my mind this takes place after the events of the entire series if that helps!)

Summary: Chris comes home after an evening with his crew to find a nice surprise waiting for him

Word Count: no clue but it’s short!!

Warnings: Language! Fluff! Allusion to Smut! (But no actual Smut) Written on Phone and not edited!

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

Series Masterlist / Masterlist

Chris could barely surpress a yawn as he fished out his keys from his pocket and as quietly as he could. It wasn’t ridiculously late by any means, just barely gone 11pm, but when he had texted you to say he was on his was home from the bar you’d replied saying you were heading to bed.

Stepping inside he dropped his keys in the little dish that was on the side before toeing off his shoes. He then let out a quiet groan as he stretched upwards, he was more than ready to crawl up into bed with you.

He hadn’t wanted to go out tonight but he crew had invited him and you had convinced him to go. He’d argued that he wanted to spend the evening with you because time together could get pretty rare, but you argued that a chance to go out with his crew was also pretty rare and that while you were currently in-between cases there would be other opportunities this week. He’d still be reluctant but you told him he wouldn’t regret going out with them, and he didn’t not at all, he just didn’t have the energy to carry on any later.

Chris made his way towards the kitchen to grab a glass of water, giving Dodger a quick pat on the head as he passed. He was surprised to find dodger on his bed downstairs, he’d assumed that you would have invited him upstairs.

Once Chris had drunk a whole glass of water, hoping it would be enough to starve off any hangover tomorrow, he made his way upstairs to finally crawl into bed with you.

To his surprise however the bedroom light was on, the frown of confusion on his face soon turned to shock when he say you lying in bed in nothing but navy blue lingerie.

“Welcome home” you smirk, your head resting in your hand.

“I-I- what-you-fuck” Chris stuttered as he tried to form words to describe how stunning you looked.

“When you said you were coming home early I thought you’d regret going out, so I thought I’d make sure the night ended on a high” you explained as you stand up and saunter across the room to him.

“Oh its definitely ending on a high” Chris smirks, finally able to form words, as he reaches out to run his fingers over the lace “and as much as I love this… can I take it off you?”

The sexy smile falls off your face, your expression turning into pure relief “please do, this shit is uncomfortable I don’t get how people do it” you complain pulling as the bra trying to make it more comfortable.

Chris tips his head back with a loud laugh “your wish is my command” he chuckles as he dips his head down to capture your lips as he backs you towards the bed, his tiredness from before completely gone.

Sharing is caring so please reblog if you enjoyed this and maybe even leave a comment to make my day!

Series Masterlist / Masterlist

I don’t have a tag list but follow @secretswiftymarvelfanlibrary​ and turn on post notifications to stay up to date!

[biggerbetterbat]

WITH YOU [23] DYING IS EASY

Daryl Dixon x OC!Charlie Reed

Summary: Charlie talks with Beth. Andrea leaves the girl alone and tragedy happens. Daryl gets mad at Charlie.

Warnings: suicide (nothing descriptive), language, agnst with a happy ending

Song: I Found Amber Run

A/N: Hello! I'm editing this chapter with almost no energy. I started my studies again and it's DRAINING me. But here you are, your chapter. I hope you like it - if you do please leave a comment, like and reblog. ENJOY!

"Did Glenn say anything to you?" Maggie asked.

Lori and Charlie were in the kitchen, preparing food for Beth, who was still in a bad condition. Everything was on Maggie's shoulders, so they decided that it would be good to help her even a little.

"Just that it has gotten pretty bad." Charlie shrugged while cutting the cucumber. She was focused on the activity as if her life depended on it.

"He's not the same," Maggie said. "Says he froze. Blames me. Says I got inside his head."

Charlie looked at her with a deadpanned expression, that was expressing her disbelief in her best friend, who was actually like every other guy. Like...after sharing everything with him for those past two or three months, and talking for hours, Charlie really thought that Glenn was the one special guy, a different snowflake, a very rare flower. But no. Glenn was like everyone else, freaking out when things were getting serious. He didn't want to admit that he felt scared, so he just blamed a girl. Men...

But as soon as she thought about him, she realized one slight problem...she was also running away from feelings and when things were getting serious she was looking for a reason to go MIA. Thanks to some higher force, Lori joined the conversation. "He came back. That's what matters."

"Men have to do certain things, you know that." Charlie nodded as she was cutting a cucumber. "And they're either gonna blame the little woman as the reason they do them or the reason they don't."

"I'll tell you something," said Grimes, who was preparing the meat. She had the most experience with men and Charlie didn't mean her romance with Shane, but rather the marriage that lasted more than eleven years. "What happens out there, happens out there. And we...We're just trying to keep it together till they get back."

"Things were good. Maybe I-"

"Glenn's a big boy." Lori cut her off.

"He makes his own choices, and then you..." Charlie looked at her again. "Do you have anything to apologize for?" she asked and to answer her question Maggie just shook her head. "Tell him to man up and pull himself together."

"Just don't say man up," said Lori. "It never goes well."

Greene smiled gratefully and nodded her head. "Let me just get this to Beth."

"You go on." Lori stopped her. "I got it."

"Yeah. Put him in his place." Charlie said. "I'll clean up."

She knocked on the door, signaling that she wanted to come in. She proposed that Lori should rest and not walk around with plates and food, because Charlie could do it as well- that wasn't beyond her abilities. She entered the room and saw Beth sitting on a bed, then she looked at the untouched food.

"Didn't eat a thing, huh? You're gonna..." she said but saw wet traces on the younger girl's cheeks, so she kneeled next to a bed. "Hey. I know how hard it is. I tried for days to reach my mom and get her on the phone. I can only assume..."

"It's just so pointless."

"You have Maggie, and your father, and Patricia and Jimmy. And you've gotta stay strong for them." Charlie tried to convince her. "I wish I could promise you it would be all right in the end. But we can try..."

"You don't believe it." Beth cut her off.

"What?

"You don't believe in those words," she said. "I heard your conversation with Glenn. You want to die."

Charlie looked down and sat down on a bed instead of kneeling, suspecting that the conversation with Beth would be longer.

"I'm right," Beth said. "You want to end this just like me and yet you came here and tried to convince me not to?"

"I want to die." Charlie voiced those words for the first time. "I lost my whole family, Beth. I live with guilt for that. There's nothing for me out there. But you are different. You're sixteen! You have a boyfriend. You have never even had your first drink yet!"

Beth looked at her with sad eyes. "And you don't want to wait and see if there's something for you?"

"I still don't know it." she shook her head. "But you should live and make now better."

"Thank you." the blonde girl whispered.

"I'll be right back." Charlie smiled and got up. "I heard Lori promised you a walk."

She entered the kitchen, still thinking about Beth and how she just stated the fact that they were the same, it was obvious to her. Charlie started to wonder if any other person could see the same thing... Maybe Charlie just shouldn't help Maggie with her? Maybe she should clean or cook something that didn't involve talking to Beth because one day she just might help her. Because she understood her and her way of viewing the world in this moment.

"There was a knife," said Lori, snapping Charlie from her thoughts.

"What?"

"Beth." Lori breathed and started running. "She took the knife."

Charlie was sitting on a kitchen counter, hitting the back of her head lightly on the shelf. After Andrea brought Maggie back house was filled with screams of the sisters. It seemed that the fight was a never-ending story and it would be done the moment they lost their voices.

"Where's Hershel?" Andrea asked.

"He doesn't want to find out yet," said Lori. "It's a family affair. We'll let them work it out."

"That's working it out?" Andrea opened her eyes wider.

Andrea was really from a different world. Charlie knew that she left her family house when Amy was still small and due to a big age gap, their relationship was different. A younger sister was more like a daughter to Andrea, so they probably never fought like that.

Charlie knew what that meant. Luckily Maggie and Beth were both girls, so even if they started fighting physically it wouldn't be that bad. She had brothers, and fighting with growing up men wasn't the greatest experience for a girl."When Beth stops fighting, that's when it's time to worry." Charlie answered.

"This could've been handled better," Andrea mumbled under her nose.

"How so?"

"You shouldn't have taken the knife away." she turned to Lori.

Both Lori and Charlie looked at the woman as if she had three heads. And the second one wanted to use the knife on Andrea. How she could even say something like that? Charlie understood Beth and was thinking similarly to her lately, but still it wasn't a reason to just give her a knife a say here, cut your wrist open. They should try to give her a reason to live first.

"Excuse me?" Lori opened her eyes wider.

"You were wrong, like Dale taking my gun," she said and Charlie whispered Oh, God. "That wasn't your decision. She has to choose to live on her own. She has to find her own reasons."

Charlie started to think about it. In some crazy way- which she would never admit to Andrea- she was right. If one wants to live, they should find their own reason. And that made her think what reason does she have to live? What was keeping Charlie Reed on the planet Earth with living and breathing people? Did she even have a reason? She shook her head quickly to get rid of those thoughts.

"Want me to tie a noose for her?" Lori asked.

"If she's serious, she will figure out a way," Andrea said.

"Doesn't mean I can't stop her or let her know that I care."

"That has nothing to do with it, Lori." The blonde woman shook her head. "She only has so many choices in front of her, and she believes the best one is suicide."

"That's not an option," Lori argued.

"Of course it is," said Andrea. "She doesn't need to be yelled at or treated like a child."

"She needs a loaded gun, right?" Charlie entered the conversation again. "Besides, she is a child."

Lori touched Charlie's knee, grateful that she got her back."You will understand if I don't let you in there."

"I came through it," Andrea said in disbelief.

"And became such a productive member of the group." Grimes nodded.

This time Charlie couldn't stop herself and didn't bite her tongue. "Who shoots other members, ignores what others say, and wants a teenager to kill herself."

"You both." Lori looked at them. "Let Maggie handle this her way."

"I contribute. I help keep this place safe."

Lori sent Charlie a look that said to keep quiet this time and don't start the fight again. Then she looked at the blonde. "The man can handle this on their own. They don't need your help."

"I'm sorry. What would you have me do?"

"Oh, there's plenty of work to go around." Lori leaned on a countertop that Charlie was sitting on.

"Are you serious?" she asked with wide eyes. "Charlie has been sitting and doing nothing since we came here and that's not a problem. She makes a drama every two days and you're in my face over skipping laundry?"

"Pardon? Let me break your bubble real quick." Charlie said, feeling the annoyance boiling inside. "I was running in that woods looking for a girl. I was playing a nurse after you shot Daryl. Patricia needed someone to help her clean? I was there. Jimmy couldn't handle horses? I helped. Hershel was taking cows on the field? I was with him." she said. "You were the one disappearing with Shane."

"Charlie's right." Lori nodded. "Your behavior puts a burden on the rest of us. On me, Carol, Patricia, and Maggie. Cooking and cleaning and looking for Beth. And you...You don't care about anyone but yourself. You sit up on that RV, working on your tan with a shotgun in your lap."

"No, I am on watch against walkers," Andrea argued. "That is what matters, not fresh mint leaves in the lemonade."

"Funny that the only Walker that you protected us from wasn't even a Walker." Charlie interrupted this time, still feeling pity for that. She really didn't know why she was still so angry for that and she knew it was getting annoying, but a small part of her just couldn't swallow it. It was funny because even Daryl didn't care about it so much.

Lori sighed. "We are providing stability. We're trying to create a life worth living."

"Are you kidding me?"

"Look, I went after Rick. I took down two walkers after crashing Maggie's car. Don't act like you're the only one..."

"Ever apologize for that?" Andrea interrupted her.

"You're insane." Charlie sighed.

"No, you are. Both of you." she almost yelled. "You, Charlie, are still a teenager that thinks everything is about you. But you know what? You're not even worth wasting my breath for." she said and turned to Lori. Charlie opened her mouth at her words, but didn't know that the woman would throw a bucket of trash on the other one."And you are the self-centered one, the way you take it all for granted."

"My husband is out there for the hundredth time. My son was shot." Lori answered. "Don't you dare tell me I take this for granted?"

"You don't get it do you?" she leaned on the table. "Your husband came back from the dead, your son, too. And now you've got a baby on the way. The rest of us have piled up our losses. Me, Carol, Beth...even Charlie. But you just keep on keeping up."

"We have all suffered," Lori said.

"Playing house, acting like the queen bee, laying down rules for everybody but yourself." she continued. "You know that? Go ahead. Go in there and tell that little girl that everything's gonna be okay, just like it is for you. She'll get a husband, a son, a baby, a boyfriend."

Charlie opened eyes and she didn't know where she should look. The silence after those words was just too loud. It wasn't nothing new for Charlie, but having Andrea just say this like it was nothing? That was another level of drama.

And Charlie would be the one saying exactly what Andrea did just a couple of days ago, but Lori was so nice to her. Truth be told, she began to like the pregnant woman.

"She just has to look on the bright side," Andrea said and left.

"I think I need some air," Charlie said and stood on her legs, going to the entrance.

It was a sunny day, even if the air was beginning to be cold. It was good though, after a steamy conversation with Andrea, she needed to cool down a little. There was a quiet, but steady sound of metal hitting on other metal, so Charlie followed that and saw Daryl. He was leaning on his motorcycle.

"You need help?" she asked.

He looked up at her and then on his motorcycle, examining what he needed. "Could you hand me a screwdriver?"

"The yellow one or the red one?"

"Allen one," he said.

Charlie looked inside his box and then at him with two question marks instead of eyes. "So the yellow one or the red one?

Daryl closed his eyes and sighed. He appreciated her help and missed her nonstop talking during those past few days, but he forgot how clueless she could be. "Just bring all of them."

So Charlie happily handed him his little box and watched how he took out the right screwdriver and started repairing whatever was broken.

"Were you a mechanic before?"

"Nah," he answered. "I taught myself when we didn't have money to pay an actual one."

"You learned how to hunt, how to repair cars...Any other abilities?" she smiled.

"I know how to open a beer with a shoelace."

"Impressive."

No one ever said that he was impressive. For forty years he had never heard that from anyone, Merle spent with him every day and he did a lot of things for him, yet there were no words of gratitude. He had known Charlie for around two months and she was showering him with kind words. Maybe that's why she was in his mind so much? Because he tried to guess what was making her so kind to him. "Hmm."

"Got a way with those tools," Charlie said as he immersed himself into his task. She rested her chin on her hand, watching his muscles flex in the sun.

"Just doin' what needs to be done," he answered with a screwdriver between his lips. "Ain't much of a hobby."

"I was thinking more like skills. You're pretty handy, aren't you?"

"Well, survival tends to bring out unexpected talent."

"Lucky for me...I mean us. A hunter, a fighter, a mechanic. You're multi-talented," she said again. "Maybe you could teach me a thing or two about fixing things, too."

"Just gotta figure it out as you go," he looked up at her but quickly looking down again.

"If something goes down, I'd rather have you by my side instead of...figuring it out as I go."

"You're searching for protection or just looking for someone to fix your stuff?" he chuckled uncontrollably.

"Maybe."

Daryl looks up from the bike, his hands still coated in grease, and meets Charlie's gaze. There's a momentary pause as their eyes lock, tension simmering beneath the surface. Despite the grime and weariness of their surroundings, there's an undeniable spark between them. Daryl's rugged features soften slightly as he returns Charlie's gaze, a hint of a smile playing at the corner of his lips. Charlie's expression is equally suggestive, a playful glint in their eyes as they hold Daryl's gaze. There's a moment of tension as their eyes lock, a silent exchange of flirtatious energy passing between them. Neither speaks, but the intensity of the moment speaks volumes.

"So..." he cleared his throat. "You stopped playing house with Lori?" he asked, changing the subject to distract himself.

"Oh yeah. I was almost a wrestling referee," she said and earned a look from Daryl. "Andrea is getting out of hand."

"You really don't like her," he said and leaned in to continue his work.

"She didn't give me a reason to like her."

"Fair enough," he grunted. "How's the blond girl?"

"Not good," she said. "Took a knife from a trace."

"She wants to kill herself?" Daryl asked wiping a smear from his hands into his trousers.

"Yeah." Charlie nodded. "She thinks that life now is pointless."

"You agree with her?" he furrowed his brows. Charlie bit her lips, not answering. "You really agree with her."

Daryl felt this irrational anger in his chest. He felt similar back in the CDC. They never talked about it, so she never confirmed or denied it, but he saw how she hesitated, and if Glenn hadn't forced her to leave she would have stayed with Jacquie.

"She's not completely wrong and y..." she said, but was interrupted by screams that were coming from the house."Oh, shit." Charlie muttered and ran there.

She saw how Maggie stormed out of it with Lori just behind her, they were both looking worried. Well, Maggie was pissed off, if she could she would burn like a fire. If her eyes could kill, Andrea would be dead right now."Where were you?"

"I heard. Is she all right?" Andrea asked.

"She would be if you had stayed with her," Maggie said angrily and repeated her question. "Where were you?"

"How bad is she?" Charlie asked worried.

"It wasn't deep."

"She wants to live." she smiled clearly happy. "She made her decision."

"She tried to kill herself," Maggie said.

"No, she didn't."

"My father is stitching her wrist right now."

"She'll live," Andrea said and tried to pass Greene to enter the house.

"Stay away from her." she blocked her from entering the house. "From both of us. Don't you dare to step foot inside this house again?"

Charlie looked at Andrea and passed all three of them, so she could see what was with Beth. Honestly, she couldn't care less about the argument and about Andrea- she had it coming.

The room was getting dark as the sun was hiding behind the horizon. The only person in there was Beth with her wrist still placed on a table- it was already stitched and wrapped up in bandages. She noticed Charlie entering the room, so she looked up and gave her a pale smile."I'm sorry."

"Don't be." she smiled and touched her shoulder. "What matters is that you're alive."

"You should do it, too," Beth said. "Live."

Charlie looked at her. Her face was still pale, but something changed in the way she was looking at her. It was more sane, her eyes weren't so empty anymore.

"Maybe now you think there is nothing for you here, but I think differently now," she said. "I think there's still so much that life has to offer. You just need the courage to hold on through the bad times."

"You think it's going to be easier?" Charlie asked. "Losing people. Running from the Walkers. Killing."

"I don't know," Beth said and shrugged. "But I know there's a reason for you, too. You said that yourself. There's so many things that you didn't do."

"So drinking your first shot convinced you to stay alive?" she smiled and put a smile on Beth's face.

"I just want you to be sure of the decision," she answered. "I want to grow old, have my own kids, I want to watch them play with my Daddy. I just want a life."

Charlie smiled and placed her hand in hers, caressing the back of Beth's smooth skin.

"But don't try to do this, Daddy's out of painkillers," she said, placing her hand on Charlie's. "Dying is easy, Charlie."

previous masterlist next

[aboutnavi]

A few housekeeping warnings about this/my strange fanfic world!

I always say life is a mess right now, which it is, and I feel like it lost a bit of meaning when I say this on tumblr, but I’m truly, deeply, getting the best and worst my days can offer me right now. I’ve had some health related issues that needs my deepest attention (a decade of ed can truly catch up to you in the weirdest times), and my job plus the dissertation have all my attention right now. This said:

In regards to speak to me and the many anon asks I’m getting: I’m so sorry I didn’t get to answer all of them and I probably won’t, mainly because I truly don’t have the time or energy to be thorough with them. Speak to me was put into bed rest aka in an unrevealed collection. That fanfic is a monster for me, and we have so much more ground to cover up that it was making me extremely anxious, which isn’t supposed to be the purpose of fanfic-writing at all. Also, there are many details I wish I had added in previous chapters and some substantial changes in the story that I feel would be truthter to the characters. Which means: I’m reworking on the 55 chapters I had posted before so I can edit, change, add and take off some things before continuing writing from where I had stopped. How long will this take, you ask? I have no idea. I wish I could say pretty soon, but pretty soon seems impossible with my current routine and responsibilities so I’ll say soon and leave it at that. The story is not abandoned, I want to make this clear, it will just take a little longer to be with us!

In regards to the waves: I truly need to stop promising weekly updates. It won’t happen. For many reasons, but also because of life/job but (and if you know me, you know) I’m an extremely slow writer. I’m so so so very thankful to all the comments and encouragements, and they truly keep me alive and well, and the waves is my biggest fic-project right now, so I’ll be updating as much as I can during the month. Sometimes this will me impossible, so it might take a few weeks, but the updates will come! This is the only way I felt it would work between me having a million things to do and not putting the story in hiatus. So yay!

When I say all of this, I also mean: these characters are constantly leaving in my head and talking to me, so it’s pretty hard to ignore them, so the stories will be put out there, just slower than usual - and usual is already slow.

I’ll see you, people in my phone, when the updates come! Love love love 🩵

[moon-alight]

Hiii!! Could you write a maki fluff? Where his s/o is scared of dogs and he wants her to meat pandy?

Hello! Of course I could. I personally love dogs so this is a bit funny to write besides, Pandy is so cute. I hope you like it. Now Ma-Ki is two years younger than me so I hope I'm at least making this the cutest it could be.

Quick edit, realized Pandy is a girl... I changed it.

See? She loves you - &Team Ma-Ki

Synopsis: You have a fear of dogs but decide to agree to meeting your boyfriend's companion after he had been bugging you for weeks.

Warnings: afab reader, Toothrotting fluff.

Word Count: 1.026

Masterlist

You had avoided going to your boyfriend's house since the moment you heard he had a dog. Maki is an absolute sweetheart and you don't doubt his dog is well behaved, especially since he always talks about Pandy in the most endearing way but... you're so damn afraid.

Dogs were just another one of your fears. Some people are scared of spiders, some of snakes, some of sharks but you are afraid of dogs.

It's the worst fear. Everywhere you go there are dogs. You just avoid them, walking in a big circle around them to stay as far away as possible from the little creatures.

Then there is Maki. Whenever he is out and sees a dog, he just has to pet them. He would often try and tug you along while nearing dogs but you never let him. Of course he knows about your fear but he also desperately wants you to meet his little friend, Pandy.

Now, you had seen countless pictures of the small dog. At first sight she looked like Dobby from Harry Potter to you. Maki told you she's a mix and super sweet but how often he had asked you to come meet her, your answer remained 'no'.

You had thought about it a lot and you know Pandy is very important for Maki and so are you. So, you decided to meet her and conquer your fear once and for all even if you haven't told your eager boyfriend yet that you had agreed.

He walks inside the dorms, holding his phone and smiling down at the screen. You are anxiously sitting on the couch, trying to figure out if this is the right decision after all. He stops behind the couch you're sitting on and leans forward.

"y/n! Look! My mom send me another picture of Pandy." You look at the screen of his phone, a smile unconciously spreading on your face. Pandy doesn't look dangerous, especially not when she's cuddling with your boyfriend's mom on the couch. "I wish you could meet her." You almost didn't catch it, he said it so quietly.

"Then let's meet her." Oh how you regretted those words the moment you spoke them. Maki stares at you, trying to hide his hopeful smile to the best of his abilities.

"Do you mean that?" You had already made him so happy, there is no way back.

"Yes, I do." The happy scream leaving Maki immediately washed away your worries, his arms wrap around you as he jumps over the couch to hug you. His happiness rubs off on you and you giggle at his joyful energy.

"We can go by my house this weekend. We can go walk Pandy together, and we can cuddle her. We could watch movies with her..." Your boyfriend is now happily ranting but with all those ideas, you start to feel a bit anxious again though you try your best not to show him.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

You dreaded the weekend but there was no chance you would cancel when your boyfriend was so hyped all week long. Even the fans started to notice how happy he had gotten with their last performance, you couldn't disappoint him no more.

"Is there something wrong, baby?" Maki asks you when you're on the train towards his house. You hadn't said a word for about an hour and were constantly fiddling with the sleeve of your sweatshirt.

"No, why?" Maki raises a brow at you.

"You don't really want to meet Pandy, do you?" He sees right through you.

"Why would you think that?"

"Because ever since you agreed on coming with me, you have been acting distant and... well, anxious." He noticed? Of course he did. How did you ever think you could hide this from him.

"It's not that I don't want to meet her, I really do. I just... I'm not sure why I'm scared that she would bite me or something." Maki reaches for your hand at your confession, holding it and rubbing his thumb to comfort you.

"Pandy has never bitten or barked at anyone in a mean way. Maybe to play but that's beyond the point. She would never hurt you, y/n."

"I know but the fear is still inside of me, you know?"

"I promise you, she won't hurt you. I have told her all about you so she should know how important you are to me."

"You told Pandy about me?" You ask softly, a small smile creeping on your lips.

"Mhm. And as far as I'm concerned, she loved hearing about you." It was enough to calm you down a little. The train soon stops and you two step onto the platform. Maki's mom is already standing there with Pandy on a leash next to her. When your eyes fall on the dog, you're stunned. You thought she'd be bigger.

"Mom!" You follow Maki but stay at a bit of a distance. You had already met his mom a couple of times but never at his house, never when Pandy was with her. The small dog jumps up on Maki as he squats down to pet her. You smile at seeing the two interact. "y/n, come pet her."

"Oh, no, I'm good." Maki gives you a playful glare. You take a deep breath and hold your hand out, Maki takes it and lowers it until it's right in front of Pandy. You're shaking a little and holding your breath as you watch the dog nearing your hand.

You really want to pull away, make sure she won't bite you but you trust Maki and so you stay still. You suddenly feel something wet against your palm and look at Pandy who is licking your hand.

"See? She loves you." You smile and start slowly petting her. Pandy seems to enjoy it as she pushes her head against your hand for more belly rubs.

"Well, you aren't so bad after all." You mumble, giggling when Pandy rolls over and looks at you with big brown eyes. You couldn't believe you were ever scared to meet this little angel. You're happy you did.

[heavenssexiestangel]

ARTHURSKNIGHT'S READING REC LIST PART 1

Hello everyone. I have been planning to do one of these for a long time... And since I need to distract myself from "con drop" (which people just let me know exists), I am going to recommend a few fics to y'all.

Since I don't have the brain energy to make two lists, beware that this list contains both SFW and NSFW stuff. It goes with reader discretion. I'm not your dad and I can't tell you what to do.

So, this will be divided by ships <3

Also this will probably contain sort of my comfort fics mostly I guess

Recs under the cut because I think this will be long

EDIT AFTER ACTUALLY MAKING THE LIST: Besties this ended being just recs for Arthur Ketch/Dean Winchester and Gadreel/Dean Winchester cuz there are so many I love and I don't have the brain energy for more right now so I'm going to make it the first part of the Recs

ARTHUR KETCH/DEAN WINCHESTER

Easy to Please by orphan account (SADNESS)

Rating: E

Summary:

Ketch teases his hormonal boyfriend a little too much.

Comment: I like to re-read this from time to time. Wish the writer was still active

Morbid Painting On Display by @lucibae-is-dancing-in-hell (so many of her fics will be here lmao)

Rating: E

Summary:

Dean and Ketch ride the adrenaline rush of murder

Comment: Can't really go wrong with Luci y'all

You Can Take My Breath Away by Imoshen (I don't know if they have a tumblr)

Rating: E

Summary:

Ketch comes home after three days' absence. Who knew riding his motorcycle in hot weather would have his Omega mate all hot and bothered?

Comment: I'd really love to have more of this AU but. Oh well

Uptight (Let Loose) by Marveljunkie and wincestgoddess (I don't know if they have a Tumblr)

Rating: E

Summary:

When Dean gets injured on a hunt, a whole new side of ketch appears.

Comment: I should actually re-read this. I've read it a few times and it's just. Sooo good

Pinched in a Pinches by @lucibae-is-dancing-in-hell

Rating: M

Summary:

Interrupted playtime because of work makes C/O Dean Winchester forget about a certain pinch.

Comment: Prison Guards AU my beloved

Every Time I See You (Seems I Can't Let Go) by Imoshen (I'm not sure they have a Tumblr?)

Rating: E

Summary:

Dean Winchester works as an Omega for hire. This appointment is going to be different than all others before, though. (Damn Brits.)

Comment: I love this one so much :)

Phone the LT (And Give Him A Blowie) by @lucibae-is-dancing-in-hell

Rating: E

Summary:

Lt. Ketch receives a phone call from work. Dean's not happy about it and aims to rectify it.

Comment: brain dead basically but. I love itttt

Baby Grab Ahold of the Joystick by @lucibae-is-dancing-in-hell

Rating: E

Summary:

Dean and Ketch are playing a game on game night.

Comment: eheheh.

Ligma Boots by @lucibae-is-dancing-in-hell

Rating: E

Summary:

Dean came all over Ketch's work boots. It's now up to Dean to clean them.

Comment: I love this AU so fucking much and Luci knows it.

Proud Husband by @deansmultitudes

Rating: M

Summary:

Dean has a difficult case to crack. Ketch has his own ways of supporting his husband.

Comment: This is really nice, I should re-read it more. Also I'd love for the writer to write more of this universeee

Primal Urges by @lucibae-is-dancing-in-hell

Rating: E

Summary:

Ketch indulges in Dean after a hunt.

Comment: Mhmmmh this is truly a fave

Stepfamily Shenanigans by @lucibae-is-dancing-in-hell

Rating: E

Summary:

Dean has always had a thing for his stepfather and a day in the shop tells Dean something.

Comment: rip to me I love it so much

Give Me Your (Love) Blood by @lucibae-is-dancing-in-hell

Rating: M

Summary:

Dean and Ketch enjoy some time together.

Comment: Luci is such a good writer I cannot!!!! I love her fics so much and she knows it. Re-reading her stories is always the best

seeking salvation and doing something unholy by RocksaltandPie (I don't know if they have tumblr)

Rating: E

Summary:

After Dean rescues him from apocalypse world, Ketch is a changed man. The attraction between them is still undeniable, though. Dean finds a way to remind him of who he used to be before the angels broke him, leading to Ketch changing into a new improved version of his old self. Set right after 13.22 Exodus / Ketch's POV.

Comment: Listen, you have no idea how much I wanted to scream when I saw someone that wasn't my friend wrote Arthur/Dean. It's such a good fic too. Mind the tags and warnings here besties

GADREEL/DEAN WINCHESTER (someone other than me writing it???? A miracle)

The Great 'Nah-Duh' of Dean Winchester by @ladyknightskye

Rating: T & up

Summary:

The LARPers of Moondoor participate in a fire rescue training exercise as their quarterly community outreach project. In the process, Dean discovers something about himself. Something everyone else apparently already knew.

Comment: I mean. This was written with me in mind so like. It has everything I need bye

Actually no bye I was promised smut for this and I'm over here waiting. Somehow patiently.

Heaven Help Them by @threshie and Couyfish (I don't know if they have tumblr)

Rating: T & up

Summary:

Gadreel returns from the Empty just as Sam, Dean, Castiel and Jack are trying to solve Heaven’s angel shortage. If they can overcome the past, they might just be able to secure Heaven’s future.

Comment: This also has Sastiel, which I really don't care for, but it's one of my favorite stories of all time. Absolute fave. Love it. It's so so sweet and Gadreel and Dean are so good with each other <3

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 3322

i managed to avoid an anxiety attack today by being sassy. our supervisor sent a teams message to the three of us on shift saying that the link he was sending us was a new requirement but that if anyone scored higher than he did they'd be fired.

it was an IQ test.

editing to add that this was all in jest; our supervisor is a funny guy and i'm confident he was laughing as he sent it. there was no real requirement, he's just silly.

i was like "can i not" and "nah" and when asked why instead of saying "it's a major trigger so please don't push about it" i said "then i'd get fired" without even knowing the score he got lmao

"damn here i was thinking you'd be embarrassed for scoring low but you were just trash talking"

"me score low on an IQ test? never"

and then i hit em with:

"we're gonna ignore that i have a score from an actual doctor which i'm decidedly not going to share BUT i just wanted to let you know i'm like this intentionally"

badda bing, badda boom

and just like that, the conversation was over.

i succeeded. but it put me on edge all day. tons of anxious energy kept me making noises and moving all day and it was so annoying. this is why we don't do this, buddy. no.

anyway, today was pretty quiet.

i ended up not having a real lunch for some reason but i DID end up texting both lisa and joel if they were going to be home tonight, and the answer for both of them was no.

so instead of planning for dinner with them, i asked john when i got back if he had eaten dinner. he hadn't, but he was planning on eating a pizza that had been in the oven for a long time, so he went to check on it. and.

it's black. charred. i couldn't recognize the toppings on it.

i said "well it's good i was planning on ordering indian food," so that's what we did.

i watched some episodes of my hero academia while i was waiting and then when i was eating. usually when i go to this place they don't add enough spice because they figure since i'm white i can't handle spicy. but this time they just made it to order and it was PERFECT. it was ACTUAL spice in it and i was so happy to get the flavor and the heat, instead of just the flavor. i'll have to order indian food over doordash more often, even though it's full price. at least the spice level is right.

anyway, it's bedtime and i'm ready to sleep forever. my phone told me to go back to bed today. i use an app called autosleep and it tracks data from my watch to track my sleeping habits, including preparedness for the day, and today's was just "rest." literally just "go back to bed, you're not ready for this." which is so funny to me. but i'm finally going to bed. i wish i had cuddles but i'll see him tomorrow. or sunday. not sure. it's okay. i have the bed to myself.

[formulatrash]

I hope you don't mind this. I think you said before that you aren't close with your family and that's something that's conscious. I've recently had to distance myself from my family and I don't know how to handle it. I know I'm right but I feel guilty that I can't change their minds and I don't feel like I can talk to anyone about it. They make me ashamed and I wish they weren't like this.

hello anon - it's alright to ask that. you're right, I am estranged from my family to a fairly major degree. I'm not sure what you're referring to although I think I can kind of read between the lines there and I'm not a big hugger but I would be giving you a hug if I could. I'm sorry.

for context: I just about still speak to my (UK) parents, they know where I live, we post each other presents for birthdays and christmas. I last saw them for a few hours in December 2021, I hadn't seen them for three years before that. we talk on the phone a few times a year. so it's not a total cut-off but it is a large amount of distance. there are more complications and I'm not going to get into those because this isn't a therapy session and the internet will just find some way to use it against me but, yeah.

it's difficult. I feel guilty a lot of the time - I know my mum would like me to go and live at theirs partly to help with things but also to be "sorted out" in a slightly threatening re-education level. they don't approve of who I am or my career, so it would be very hard to exist there, even if they genuinely needed me which I don't think they do. I try to remind myself that if they didn't do the things they do, this distance wouldn't exist - I am acutely aware they think the same thing of me, although for me it does not feel like a choice. maybe it does not to them, either but I know a lot more people who have been brought round from homophobia than have stopped being gay.

it helps, now, that I'm old. people my age depend on their parents less because it's the time that you start not being able to assume people's parents are still around. and living in London no one sees their parents really anyway. but I also find it harder the older I get. I don't need anything from them and the few times I've needed help they haven't been the people giving it to me. I suspect that might well be the case for you, too - or that it would only come with terrible conditions.

you don't go to a loan shark for love. if you can't repay the terms of them giving you anything, that's not your fault, that's their conditions.

it will always be a little weird but you probably never had the relationship to them that people thought was normal anyway. it will get better.

move to a city or somewhere everyone's a little distanced, if or when you can. it shows less. find new family, people to provide for. I can't promise it stops haunting you or that the gnawing guilt ever goes away but it gets lighter - and for some people it does totally disappear, I've probably made it harder for myself by not cutting them off.

edited to add: something it's useful for me to remember is that there isn't a me I could be or a career I could have where they would be proud of me. that I could bend myself into any shape imaginable (and tried, before the elastic tension got so great it exploded) and it wouldn't be right. I cannot physically re-form myself and energy meeting resistance only creates stress. it would be better if it was not this way but some circuits are broken and you are not a defective part, just placed in the wrong configuration.

[marvellousstawler]

Mon 9 Oct

Welcome to the special post-PAXAus edition of...my journal, I guess? I'm going to start with one of my takeaways from a panel I attended featuring Erika Ishii. I was struck with the honesty of their advice to the audience, a sort of honesty usually eschewed in panels like these in favour of a pristine optimism to inspire hope in the audience. She outlined it this way: getting to do the thing you love as a career is a fusion of hard work/persistent effort toward that thing, and right-place-right-time-right-person opportunity. So, no matter what career you have (or do not have), ALWAYS do the thing you love whenever you get a chance. Because you need to be ready for when those opportunities present themselves, even if they never will. I personally found that very inspiring, given how much of my time and energy I now have to spend on my Big Girl Job(tm).

But, to add to her advice, I think there was something Ishii missed an opportunity to address in their panel; your passion shouldn't come at the cost of you. If you have a job or something else that takes all the energy out of you, it's no good putting even more pressure on yourself to get art/writing/whatever done if it's just going to burn you out. One thing that I'm very happy that she emphasised is this: it's more than okay, to be JUST ok at things! More people should let themselves be just ok at things.

Art My past self was right in her prediction of my current self -- I am indeed the owner of a wonderfully shitty Flame Emperor Mask, and I'm pleased to report that it is just as janky, creepy and inconvenient to both wear and carry as could be expected of a first-time cosplay-maker. I met many extremely talented cosplayers at PAX; it ain't easy and it ain't cheap; mad respect. It was a surreal experience, taking (as they say in D&D) a level of exhaustion, just to complete an item to wear for one day (in case you're wondering what inspired me to provide the soapbox paragraph above this one). Even so, it is now proudly displayed on my bookshelf, well worth doing just to try something new and do something fun. Let me know in the replies if you'd like to see it. I *might* still have some time this evening to work on my cool D&D characters picture (working title is 'Sisters In Moons') now that I've completed the mask, but actually my priority this evening is to catch up on rest. PAXing is taxing.

Writing So much Mittelfranks brainrot I literally opened Google Docs on my phone to work on it during my lunchbreak, which given I usually need a nice quiet comfy space with a desk and computer to do any work, is very unlike me. Where's all this motivation for my other projects! Still, only writing for 5 minutes at a time whenever I get a chance to open my phone, while perfectly respectable, hasn't actually yielded a great many words, this week. The only other thing I worked on was one of two D&D-related projects (one for each character/campaign I'm in atm), where I attempt to make notes about every NPC we've met and their factions, using the style and cadence of the character I'm playing. I don't believe I'll be able to write either of them as quickly as new NPCs get introduced, but gosh darn if I ain't gonna try.

Reading I have not had much opportunity to read this week. I usually read on the train, and these past days I have just been too tired to do anything but stare out the window. I did, however, on the way home from the end of PAX, get the sudden resolve to purge my room of the "excess" books I've accrued throughout my life, either from gift-givers who wished plenty but knew little, or a Past Self trying to shape herself into something that she would never be. I have no issue keeping books of childhood significance in this room, with the expectation that they will remain here when I move out, but everything that is no longer providing positive energy, even if it's just neutral energy, should be brought to a better home. It would be unethical to let those books remain here, where they can't be at their most loved!

Thaaaaaaaat said I'm not likely to get a free weekend any time soon...

Don't forget to vote.

[mabyn-mabyn]

Edit, Shift, Rewrite (yoonkook)

Edit / Shift / Rewrite Yoongi/Jungkook Rated T 8k

kitten!yoongi, magic, cuddling, soft, touch starved, novelist!yoongi with his editor JK, fluff

Yoongi turns into a tiny black kitten whenever anyone hugs him. He wishes he were fast enough to dive out of the way when his new editor, Jeon Jungkook, dives in for one.

Teaser >

The new editor, Yoongi grudgingly admits, is good.

He steps into the sleek elevator that will take him up sixteen floors to the publisher who’s released his three latest mystery novels. They’ve all done quite well on the market. His success means he can spend less time freelancing for newspapers and more time writing what he loves.

Still, he thinks as the elevator ascends, he hadn’t been happy when his former editor Kim Namjoon had pushed him off onto the newest member of the team. Twenty-three-year-old Jeon Jungkook was hardly older than an intern. He’s brilliant, Namjoon had reassured him. I’m certain he’s going to take your writing to the next level.

Yoongi had been suspicious, but Namjoon was right. Jungkook had transformed his third novel—the weakest in the series—into something fresh and surprising. Yoongi is nervous about how Jungkook’s going to react to his latest manuscript. He wants his opinions. If he’s honest, he wants him to like it. The weight of Yoongi’s laptop hangs heavy in his satchel.

“Welcome, Min Yoongi-nim.” Park Jimin, the administrative assistant, greets him with a polite bow. “Jungkook-nim has been waiting for you.”

The publisher’s office is clean and well-updated, silent except for the whir of the central air, while the staff busily work in their cubicles. A woman in the far corner speaks on the phone in hushed tones. Everyone here is busy and serious and committed to the success of their authors. Once again Yoongi congratulates himself for making it into one of the top publishers in Seoul.

He’s led beyond the cubicles to the neat row of offices where the more important editors enjoy the luxury of private meetings. Jimin taps on the door with his knuckles and upon hearing a soft enter, opens the door and gestures for Yoongi to go inside. Yoongi gives him a polite bow goodbye and passes through the doorway.

Jeon Jungkook jumps up from his cushy office chair. His blue and white silk shirt drapes prettily over his torso. A single long, silver earring dangles from one ear. He grins big enough to expose his crooked front teeth, as if he’s thrilled to see him. Jungkook has never been one to hide his feelings, a trait that Yoongi has always found admirable.

“Yoongi-nim!” Jungkook calls out. “Your latest manuscript blew me away! I was up until 4am reading it!” Jungkook maneuvers out from behind the desk and flies across the room on his long legs until he’s right in front of Yoongi. He’s practically vibrating with energy. “It might be your most brilliant work to date. It’s gonna outsell all the others without question!” He wavers on his toes like he’s tempted to reach out for Yoongi but is holding himself back. Although embracing clients is almost unheard of, Jungkook is young and new and excitable enough that he might take liberties where other editors would remain strictly professional.

And then Jungkook just…grabs him and pulls him into a hug.

Yoongi freezes. It’s not that hugging freaks him out. The thing is, though—Yoongi’s weird little secret, what no one would ever believe unless they saw it with their own eyes, the reason Yoongi retreated into the small space of his apartment and never visits his friends or family anymore, the reason Yoongi stopped going to work and started writing full time at home even though it meant earning less money—the thing is, Yoongi can’t be hugged.

He can’t be hugged because he’ll turn into a kitten.

Okay, not forever. The spell usually takes a week or so to wear off. He can speed the process along by dwelling on unpleasant thoughts, such as scary clowns and crowded rooms and starving in some unsightly alleyway. In the meantime, though, he’s a tiny black kitten (he’s looked in the mirror, it’s a nightmare), he can’t say a word in human language, and it’s hard to defend himself. It’s a cold, scary, mean existence, and Yoongi doesn’t like it at all.

The worst part, though, is when he turns back into a human. Not only is he sore and fatigued and thin with hunger, but he’s naked, all of his clothing having fallen away, useless, when he became a kitten. That has put him in some awkward situations. Getting arrested type situations.

So, yeah. That’s exactly what happens now. Yoongi fails to jump out of the way in time to avoid Jungkook’s hug, and then, boom! He’s suddenly tiny and furry, fighting his way out of the mass of shirt and tie and suit trousers to get back to the light and air and—hopefully—to not get accidentally stepped on by Jungkook.

“Yoongi-nim?” Jungkook asks confusedly, his arms still hugging the air. He looks down at the pile of clothes on the floor and gapes. Slowly, he crouches down until he’s squatting right in front of Yoongi. Yoongi doesn’t move because, well, he’s basically fucked. If he tries to leave Jungkook’s office, he’ll get squashed for sure. His best bet right now is for Jungkook—who has always seemed like a nice and decent person—to take pity on him. Jungkook pokes his cat shoulder in disbelief. “Y-Y-Yoongi? Are you a—what am I even saying, but—are you a kitten?"

Read the rest on ao3