#I wish I had the energy to bother bc I like seeing art! but I just... hardly ever backlog

[dimiclaudeblaigan]

Finally making a dent in my backlog of screenshots. I ended up with more bc of RD but... at least they're decreasing! I just tend to not want to post a bunch of them all at once while I'm playing and stuff, and then I end up with a huge backlog in my drafts (think over 50 drafts, and I've been over 70 before).

Always feels nice to empty out my drafts.

[stardust948]

Frenemies AU angst

(I found this in my drafts and decided to post it. Based off this post.)

Iroh is a senior in military school or already in the military. The parents gaang is junior year in HS so around 16 and 17

Ozai still lives with Azulon but Azulon is hardly at home bc of work. When he is there or when Ozai knows he’s coming soon, he just doesn’t come back until he leaves again. Either stays with Ursa in her RV or roams around town in his car. Later stays with Hakoda and Bato when they become closer friends.

Azulon blames Ozai for Ilah’s death since she died during childbirth. He’s always been emotionally and verbally abusive to Ozai but it didn’t get physical until Iroh left for military boarding school. Ozai was 8-10ish. Mainly involved being burned or tased, which left less of physical scars.

There was a big fight between the two when Ozai announced he wanted to go to Republic Arts high school and pursue a career as a musician. Azulon wanted Ozai to follow his footsteps and go to military school like Iroh. But he backed off after Iroh vouched for his brother. Still, he refused to pay for the school but Ozai earned a scholarship and Iroh covered the rest. Ozai swore up and down he’d pay him back but Iroh just told him to give him free backstage access to his concerts and they’re even. Azulon and Ozai avoided each other after that; strangers in the same home. They physical abuse ended but the threat was still there and the mental scars lasting.

After the incident at the contest, Ursa finds Ozai sitting in his car at the school’s parking lot. She knows better to ask if he’s alright or what was wrong. Instead, she tells him to get into her car and they go back to her RV. There, they spend the rest of the night watching movies and cuddling. Ozai’s feeling somewhat better in the morning; able to speak some but not back to his usual loveable a-hole self. Though he is confused to receive a text from Hakoda of all people checking on him.

Hakoda: Hey man, you good?

Ozai: Are you seriously asking me if I’m good after burning a layer of my skin off?

Hakoda: You kinda just left after without a word.

Ozai: Because I burned a layer of my skin off.

Hakoda: Ozai, I’ve seen you explode over someone using your special pen without permission but you just shut down after burning your hand. Are you sure you’re okay?

Ozai: Who won?

Hakoda: Poppy.

Ozai: We’re going to be hearing about that for all next week.

Hakoda: She was pretty worried about you. We all were. You know, you can talk to me if you want.

Ozai: I just wanted to know who won. Now stop bothering me or I’m blocking you.  

Ozai closed his phone. Just then Ursa stuck her head through the door.

“Hey, my mom made pancakes. You want any?”

Ozai shook his head.

“Alright honey. Keep an eye on my children. I’ll be right back.”

Ozai smiled some as he rolled his eyes. Ursa always referred to her hoard of plants and succulents as her children. Still exhausted, he laid back down and pulled the cover over his head. Out of curiosity, he check his phone one last time.

Hakoda: Ok. See at school.

Ozai powered down his phone. He didn’t have the energy to be annoyed. He ran a hand along the bandages before drifting back to sleep.

///

The conversation they had in the janitor’s closet came flooding back. Hakoda’s seen Ozai fly off the rail many times, but that was the first time he looked guenically hurt. Hakoda’s clumsy joke about Dads also didn’t help. Hakoda cringed at the memory.

His mind drifted to the events after. The dark play Ozai wrote about the little boy slowly dying in the burning building wishing only to see his father again. Finally meeting Ozai’s father with his cold exterior and calculating eyes that made even the brash self-confident Ozai shrink back. And to top it off, Ozai saying he’d never seen his father look happier.

Hakoda didn’t know what to think at the time. He just assumed Azulon was like his father, criticizing his every move and lamenting how he wasn’t good enough.

///

Ozai refuses to bring it up despites Ursa’s suggestions of seeking professional help, even after he and Ursa wed and had children. Not until he lost his temper with Zuko and almost burned him like Azulon. Zuko’s horrified scream snapped Ozai out of it last second. Falling back onto old habits, Ozai took shelter in his car for the night and wept bitterly. Ursa finds him and directly tells him to get help which he finally relents.

It's very slow going but beneficial in the long run. Most importantly, his children never saw that side of Ozai again.

@waterfire1848

[radiovisual]

are you going to come back?

((I keep telling myself im going to, but im not sure. Im especially unhappy with how this blog was written and how it looks at the moment, bc theres a lot of things id Want to change before getting back into rp here, but I have no energy or motivation to do so 😔 my art block from last year is Still ongoing, im still deeply fixated on other fandoms, and VERY recently I had an epiphany of some kind and haven't been able to stop paying attention to the news, bc anxieties about what's happening in Gaza/the West Bank, Sudan, and Chile, and not to mention this next American presidential election, have me reassessing my priorities in life, ykwim?))

((Im still around technically, i wont be deleting this blog or anything, im just in kind of a tough spot, mentally+emotionally+physically, and that makes it hard to get reinvested in something like this.))

((There's also the factor of... feeling rather restricted in this community. It's not any particular person or group of ppls fault, people are entitled to feel however they want around fictional subjects and themes, but i know that the types of things that i like to write and rp are dark and mature, and this fandom [despite the Nature of the show itself and the topics it covers] tends to attract a lot of very aggressive, very judgemental people -- as im sure youre all aware 😂 i found some friends here, but even still, a lot of the time i know i Can't get into the kind of stuff i ACTUALLY want to write, because most of the ppl in this community would [at least, way back when,] assume that That kind of writing means I'm a bad, dangerous person who wants to engage with those themes in real life 🙃. Which isn't to say anyone is Wrong for avoiding me if darker themes trigger them, by all means PLEASE block me for your sanity if thats what you have to do!! but when most all of those Exact Themes are LITERALLY, graphically present in the show, now, it's like. Idk man whats going on! Why are you here! if sexually abusive relationships bother these fans so much, then Why are they in THIS fandom of all places instead of somewhere tangibly Safer for their sanity, yk???))

(( i don't know. Maybe im just a brat, but ive always felt a little put out by the Hazbin community online. Its extremely self policing and isolating trying to find people i can feel comfortable talk to about my ideas, so ive kind of... given up and moved on, found a nice group of Freaks to be perverted about the Avatar sequel instead lmao))

((So... idk. I guess we'll see. But im very sorry it may have been wishful thinking when i said id come back. I really, truly meant it at the time -- things just changed 💔, both in me And in the community. And maybe theyll change again, idk!but i Do know there's people in this overarching Hazbin Tumblr RP community who don't like me very much (which is Okay), and I don't want to force myself to walk on eggshells anymore -- so I'm won't💪😎))

((I adored my time here while i was active, whuch it why i wont delete it -- i go back to re read threads all the time! -- but unless there's a group of sexual weirdos developing that i could fall in with AND I can find a way to balance this with the rest of my life, im still gonna be on this indefinite hiatus 💀👍 sorry))

((Btw -- Palestinians are in desperate need of e-SIMs to keep in touch with their loved ones and to organize humanitarian aid within the Gaza strip itself -- if any of you have a few spare dollars, please consider getting involved. I know the news is very quiet rn, especially if you're in America like me, but let me make this very clear; We are. kind of sort of Already IN World War Three. Russia and China and the global south are finally starting to hold the west accountable and the west is failing a shitting its pants about it Spectacularly. The world order is literally shifting. There's not one, but SEVERAL major international conflicts brewing right now, as America is sliding into fascism at break neck speed bc Genocide Joe is finally realizing he's probably not going to get re-elected [on account of all the genocide] on TOP of finally seeing the tangible effects of climate change. South America and Australia are on FIRE. Like NEVER before.))

((Never Again is Now. We could be going over the temperature "tipping point" of the planet BY 2030. now is NOT the time to be wallowing in escapism, no matter how much we desperately need/want it. If there is EVER a time to get involved with the real world and to take a step back from the internet and high stress fandom bullshit, it is NOW. No matter what Side of these issues you stand on, EVERYONE needs to be voting, everyone needs to be paying attention.))

(( if you can't afford esims [no shame, i often can't either, money is tight everywhere], then at the very least get This website open in your tabs. It generates revenue with free Daily clicks, the proceeds of which are all sent to UN organizations -- particularly UNRWA, which is VITAL to maintain not only getting aid INTO Gaza, but also retaining Palestinians legal right to return to their land -- without UNRWA, Isreal can begin to LEGALLY, haphazardly "deport" Palestinians, which would take YEARS to reverse through future court proceedings. Do your part, it only takes a few seconds a day 💪🌱))

((Alright, thats all! Sorry if you wanted a short sweet answer, but ive actually been ruminating on all of this, so thank you for this ask, for giving me a chance to talk about it all. Im happy to see this community thriving in the wake of Season 1, even if im not joining in myself -- you all keep up the great work, and keep having fun with it ❤ let it empower you to explore the value of Charlie's message and think of ways to impliment it in your daily life And on the world at large‼))

[hangovercurse]

I’d Drop it All for You

Pictures of you and Pete are spread all over the internet, causing a whirlwind of hate to enter your social media.

Request: “Pete content please! anything !!! smut fluff whatever”

Pete x Reader

Warnings: Cursing, depictions of depression and anxiety

A/N: *Insert normal spiel about respecting A.G. and only using her for plot purposes. No harm intended.* Also I wrote most of this after a meeting with my therapist so... enjoy :) (He’s so cute in this gif I wanna kiss his face)

Word Count: 1820

You weren’t one of those people who loved being the center of attention. You knew that being in the spotlight also meant constantly living under a microscope, and you decided a long time ago that that was not for you.

But you were lucky enough to work as an assistant art director at just 24. You were hoping that The King of Staten Island, your newest project, would help get your name out into the professional world. But that wasn’t the only thing to come out of the film.

It happened unexpectedly, you showed up on set the first day, ready to do whatever the art director required of you. You couldn’t help but be slightly distracted by the lead actor and writer, Pete Davidson. He was so kind and funny, and he wasn’t uptight like everyone else.

After a few hours of filming, he came up to you, introducing himself. He said he “wanted to get to know everyone working on the project,” but you didn’t see him introducing himself to anyone else. You two started talking during breaks. Then he started sitting with you at lunch. Then he was asking for your number.

In a matter of weeks he was asking you out to dinner, taking you to a cozy restaurant that you absolutely adored. He walked you home, his hand grazing yours until you intertwined your fingers.

It was all very romantic, so when Pete asked if he could take you on another, you obviously said yes. Flash forward two weeks and he finally got the courage to ask you to be his girlfriend, even though you were both exclusively seeing each other already.

After filming ended 2 months later, you were still working on the film in post, which meant you had an excuse to stay  in Staten Island with Pete. After about 2 weeks in post, you spent more nights in his bed than your hotel’s.

Nearly 6 months later and you were happier than ever. You were splitting your time between your small apartment in the Bronx and Pete’s basement apartment. Pete introduced you to most of his friends, and you introduced him to yours.

But other than your small circles of friends, you kept your relationship fairly quiet. Pete doesn’t have social media and yours is strictly professional, so there are no pictures of you two together. You weren’t hiding each other, you loved each other, you just had no reason to tell tabloids. And you were perfectly happy with that.

Which made it so much worse when various news sites had pictures of you two holding hands. Had they been anyone else you would’ve thought they were cute, walking along the South Beach oceanside at night.

Pete had been in the SNL studio all day when the pictures were released, while you were in his apartment, trying your best to focus on the photoset in front of you. The production team wanted the film to scream “teen romance,” which basically entails subtle pink undertones and a higher saturation. But you couldn’t quite get the coloring right, probably because you weren’t actually focusing on the colors.

You sighed, looking at the time and realizing that Pete won’t be back until sometime after 2am, which was a whole 5 hours away. You let out a huff, pushing away from the desk and making your way to Pete’s closet and searching for one of his hoodies. They always smelled like him (and weed), so it was a comfort to you.

You crashed onto the bed, finding the phone that you had tossed there a few hours earlier. Turning it on you were surprised by the number of notifications you were getting. You knew the photos had surfaced but you weren’t expecting this.

Your Instagram was blowing up with new follows, likes, and comments. It was kind of exciting at first until you started reading some of the comments.

I mean, we knew he would downgrade from Ari, but this is like… really far down.

This girl really thinks she’s special just bc Pete’s dating her. Hun he could do so much better

Who is she?!? Literally no one.

Someone needs to show her how to dress

That hairstyle is not it honey

Pete Davidson is dating YOU??? He could do sooo much better

Ari was prettier sorry not sorry

The entire comment section on your last post, a picture of you on the set of your latest film, was pretty much the same. There were some nice comments, but a lot of mean ones.

And you couldn’t help it, you couldn’t stop looking at them. It felt so cliché, but it was like all of your deepest insecurities about being with Pete were thrown out on the table.

You knew that Pete had a fairly large following, and that a lot of people had really strong feelings about him. You had expected that if and when your relationship went public you would have a lot of people watching you, scrutinizing you. But you didn’t care because Pete was worth it.

Now you weren’t so sure. It wasn’t that you couldn’t handle people talking bad about you, because you definitely could, even if it hurt. You just weren’t expecting the amount of people comparing you to Ariana or saying that Pete could do so much better.

And it only bothered you so much because you felt it too. Your inner demons loved to remind you that Pete had dated Ariana fucking Grande and now he’s dating you. Anyone could see an obvious downgrade.

You turned your phone off and threw it on the opposite side of the bed, trying to think positive thoughts. “I am in control of my own thoughts and emotions. I am catching my negative thoughts and fixing them.” You murmured your therapist’s mantra to yourself, but it was too late. The thoughts had already taken hold of your mind.

Your eyes started to water as you could feel the heavy feeling in your chest set in. You pulled the hood over your head, pulling the straps to hide as much of your face as possible, and pulling your knees to your chest. You laid like that for a while, tears falling as doubts ran through your head. Once you had effectively exhausted your thoughts, you went numb. Your tears had stopped, but you couldn’t move. This wasn’t an unfamiliar feeling, but it sure wasn’t pleasurable.

There was a sort of buzzing throughout your body, almost like the feeling when your foot falls asleep, but everywhere. It seemed to block out your sound, as you didn’t hear the basement door open. You only knew that Pete was home when he sat beside you on the bed, pulling the hood off your face.

“There’s my beautiful girl.” He smiled at you. You tried your best to fake one back, but you honestly couldn’t find the energy. Pete pulled you so you were sitting up, back pressed against his front. His arms wrapped around your middle as he pressed a kiss to your temple. “What’s goin on?” He murmured against your skin.

“Did you see them?” You asked, your voice quiet and hoarse.

Pete let out a sigh, “Yeah, I saw them.” He paused, his hold on you getting tighter, like he was making sure you couldn’t leave. “I’m sorry baby. I know you didn’t want it to be a whole big thing.”

You turned your head to face him, “It’s not that. I really don’t mind that people know. We weren’t trying to hide anything.”

He smiled, “Yeah, I know I just- it was nice having this to ourselves.”

He wanted to hide you. He’s embarrassed of you.

Your inner dialogue never seemed to shut up.

You turned away from Pete, trying to hide the tears forming in your eyes. “Yeah.” You whispered.

“What’s wrong, you’re still upset.” He rocked you in his arms, kissing the top of your head. You shrugged in response, not trusting yourself to talk. “You can talk to me, y’know.”

You nodded, leaning further into Pete’s chest. “People found my Instagram.” You murmured, looking down and tracing the arrow tattoo on his hand.

“Whaddya mean? I thought it was public?” He furrowed his eyebrows.

You sighed, wishing you hadn’t said anything. “Yeah, it is. But after all the articles people started following me and shit.”

“I would ask how that’s a problem but I deleted my Instagram so I can’t really talk.” You could tell he was trying to make you feel better, but you couldn’t seem to get out of your haze.

You shook your head, deciding to drop the matter. “It’s not, I’m just being overdramatic.” You sighed, putting on a fake smile and facing him fully. “Wanna watch a movie?” You asked, trying to change the topic.

He gave you the I-know-you’re-bullshitting-me look, which made you look down. “Something’s bothering you, Y/N. And you’re trying to pretend it doesn’t because you think your feelings aren’t valid, but they are.” He tilted his head, trying to meet your eyes that were still trained on the bedsheets below you.

“Where’d you learn that one?” You chuckled half-heartedly.

“Rehab part 2” he smiled, hand coming to your jaw to tilt your head up. “C’mon, talk to me. I wanna help.”

You huffed, moving towards the opposite side of the bed where your phone laid. You opened it, finding your Instagram, and showing him the comments. His eyebrows furrowed as he scrolled through the comments. When he decided he’d had enough he put your phone down, grabbing your waist and lifting you onto his lap so you were essentially straddling him.

He leaned his forehead against your own, your noses touching. “That’s all bullshit, you know that, right?”

You looked down, biting your lip. “Y/N you’re the most amazing, most beautiful woman I’ve ever met, okay? I’m in love with you, not anyone else.” Pete’s eyes were searching yours, trying to figure out what was going on in your head.

“I know.” You sighed, “It’s just hard to be with you and not compare myself to her. And then all these people started to do it too, and they kept saying that you could do so much better and you can. So, I dunno I guess I just kind of spiraled.”

Pete captured your lips in a long, passionate kiss. “Y/N. There is literally no better than you. I can’t do better because you are the best woman I have ever loved. “

You pulled Pete in for another kiss. “Thank you, Pete. I love you.”

“I love you too. If this happens again, I want you to call me. I don’t care what I’m doing, I’d drop it all for you.” You smiled, sitting in the arms of the guy you loved. The thoughts didn’t just magically go away, but for a brief moment in time, you were happy.

[unassumingpebble]

ESC 2022 Semifinal 2 recap:

(if you see me reusing my jokes for the final no you didn't) and once again also just a general warning for mean gay bitchy judging ahead, this is my one time a year that im mean it's like lent or smth, you have been warned. if you're not into bitchy shady opinions then uuuhhh i recommend reading something else for your own peace of mind tbh.

skits at esc still are so painful dear god opening: well that's 5 minutes of my life i'm never getting back laura's biceps HELLO???? and this look?? FAB!! the ruffles! the wet hair look!!!! the deep lip!! officially obsessed mika has now decided to be a LEMON realtor popsicle, go off i guess the presenters giving licorice rasperry lemon fantasy. or the flag of germany, i guess? if it's not in the right order don't bother me i can't read the fucking clock correctly it's nothing personnel

Finland - what the fuck is this yellow IT moment??  i either end up super biased for finland or holding them to a higher standard and this time uuuuhh i expected better. also i don't think a song about a toxic woman who clearly isn't good for you is particularly feminist (idk if they claimed it was or if it's just my announcer but???? nor using a kind of degrading word in that context? so that's kinda weird) also i'm curious to see if the board is unhappy with this one bc i heard that they had issues with albania and latvia ( :// ) and while i obviously don't want any numbers punished or censored but i'm expecting an annoying double standard tbh where showing skin and suggestive text is fine if you're a man or doing it through a male perspective, i guess :/

Serbia - i wish i could understand the text so i could know what's happening but i also appreciate the non-english. it seems so interesting and fascinating, generally im confused but interested and intrigued, ART. genuinely so into this

Azerbaijan - i really do like his voice and his beard is very pretty. and i do really like this song tbh, it gets the ballad pass although it's just barely not quite engaging enough for eurovision imo. a fantastic vocal performance tho that sounds genuinely sincere and a good song.

Georgia - i fucking love this, ngl. the looks, the sound, the aesthetic. love how odd it sounds. totally a dnd party vibes. we've got officer druid, punk pirate man, glam goth plague doctor, and steampunk willy wonka. this is a psychadelic mess and i'm living

Malta - ig model? doing a power ballad? groundbreaking. *insert miranda presley*

San Marino - love the cowboy hat moment. the song is absolute ass. i do respect rhyming cowboy with sex toy i suppose. bit hypocritical for me to say this and obvs måneskin doesn't own rock gender fuckery (hello, have you SEEN rock?) and it could just be being yourself and trying to piggyback for that purpose but it feels just. a little too derivative maybe. but like a soft derivative, i don't think it's anything worth making some hubbub about

Australia - okay ART. the met gala could NEVER. it's personal, it's honest, it's art, it's fashion, it's vocals, it's real, it gets a ballad pass any fucking day from me. i'm THROWING ballad passes. legit love it genuinely love everything, it's art, it's fantastic, and i fucking love that the song's about his experiences as an autisic person, bc relate. one of my favs now

Cyprus - okay art reference, go off venus! kinda love it with the stage fountains. obviously not the most over-the-top energetic but i appreciate that, still very full of life and a bop with a more lowkey energy, a whole moment tbh. lovely vocals

Ireland - esc back at it again with the pop a whole decade too dated.

North Macedonia - i legit forgot a number was on

Estonia - i usually say that i'm into folk music but not country because country's sound is just too polished and that won't be changing today

Romania - started with what might be the gayest interpretive cow milking in history, which might not seem as a particularly spectacular achievement but with all the farming in stage musicals, it is fairly impressive. i was going to say that i was into the cutout jumpsuits but the pattern is truly horrendous.

Poland - we have now arrived at my least favourite esc genre, which is man in suit on empty stage with a single spotlight and the singer's moody face agressively imposed in the background. just agressive crooning, endless belting, and high notes. not even being about water can save this song for me, which says a lot because i am a complete sucker for water songs.

Montenegro - poor girl got impaled by an umbrella, no wonder she's in pain

Belgium - i mean it's fine. he's clearly a good singer. i wouldn't be mad if it moved on, but i also don't really care if it doesn't

Sweden - i know it's moving on but i fully cannot stand it. it's trying so hard to be robyn. but no one will ever be robyn.

Czech Republic - i'm not mad at it tbh. like her look and the vaporwave inspired background. slightly less dated than a lot of other eurovision pop, giving kinda 2018. I do appreciate the man with the bow on the electric guitar

the world always needs more Mika, i've been saying this for years. also laura looks stunning it's giving decadent vampire retiring for the evening posed casually on top of a decadent staircase. I do think these kinds of songs might not be what her voice needs though, it's very strong and clear and clearly needs a bit more circumstance and force, unfortunately. Mika is giving the exact same suit but now as a polar bear realtor that fell into a strawberry patch. he really saw that suit on the clearance rack and said yeah i'll take at least three of it, thanks

I Do Not Care about these men in leather suits. a sentence i never thought i would say but here we are, i suppose

Laura serving an even more dimitrescu-esque look i love

Spain - yeah it's a dance song. you can do a lil shimmy. don't super care. for being as energetic as it is it feels weirdly lethargic

UK - well we've got a camp stage, i am stealing his jumpsuit.

Germany - looking forward to another german bottom placement, this is tanking for sure.

Voting thoths: "We have a valid result" yeah we'll see about that buddy

my literal reaction to belgium's qualification was 'who the fuck is belgium' LMAOO azerbaijan may not be the most eurovision but it might be one of the actual best songs this year POLAND????? finland?? finland gets a spot but latvia didn't????? RIGGORY.. thamkg god australia made it because i would have rioted ugh serbia is art and im happy to see it here, so deserved!!! very sad about georgia. was kinda expecting it, but i'm still upset. i am def checking out their other stuff after this tho.

For sure rooting for australia this year! <333 This one was less of a tragedy so i won't have too much trouble falling asleep tonight, even if a lot of things moved on that certainly did not catch my attention at all.

[mg549]

rainbow high but they each have distinct and varying styles

hi im putting my Disscusion under the post cause ik lots of ppl just wanna rb the art but also i have Thoughts

-ruby’s style is the strongest in the series imo. they designed a butch lesbian and nobody told them ig. my only slight change was giving her cowboy boots cause if shes from “the country” then she should... actually... look like shes from the country. maybe its just cause i grew up in nc but i would love some southern rep from a character where being from the south isnt their whole Personality. anyways i think she should wear western style button downs is all im trying to say

-bella... her style is ALL over the place. since she is a set designer i wanted to make her a theatre kid!!! her style is somewhere in the 40s/50s zone of vintage inspired so that way she has a definite Range of styles and silhouettes to choose from! im a sucker for the new look bc its so Shapes but i could also see her pulling off some long wool circle skirts and peasant top blouses! i also gave her some hearing aids and braces which you can probably only see if you zoom in dhjnf

-poppy got the biggest design overhaul of anyone. i kept the butterfly theme and nothing else fbhdjd. since her music has some definite funk energies i wanted to give her a 70s inspired look with some glam platforms and denim overalls! i think we deserve bellbottom pantsuit poppy. i also changed her hair bc literally the rh main cast all have practically IDENTICAL hair styles save for the direction theyre parted in. i wanted to give her those anime butterfly headphones but toned down slightly hdsjdnd oh and! shes also wearing glasses bc once again we get a whole cast of characters and not one of them is wearing glasses like smh literally like half of all ppl wear glasses?? anyways in terms of personality i wanted to keep her bubbly but instead of just making music thru like Divine Inspiration i think she should take a more realistic and nuanced approach!! show her nerding out abt music theory and talking about the themes her pieces represent and the stories they tell

-sunny’s design is Mostly the same! her hair is slightly changed, i wanted it to match the cover she drew for winnerz! i also made the rainbows on her outfit pride flag colors, and gave her some button pins on her jacket! every Token Anime Kid ive ever met has buttons plastered all over their bags and jackets and its a nice touch that gives her some more Character i feel

-jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaade. jade. i wish she had kept her dark lipstick. and also that she wasnt just billie eilish. and that she was the token goth of the group. her stitched up shirt is inspired by a shirt i wore in high school! it was from the 90s and SUPER beat up to the point where it was literally disintegrating so i just sewed up any new holes that would form with contrasting thread it was a Look. i hc her as wearing contacts bc when she tried wearing glasses she got upset that she couldnt show off her makeup as much gvhbnf! i also gave her a spider necklace bc i think she should still like spiders BUT i HATE the jokes abt “therapy tarantulas” bc only dogs and like 10 horses can actually be service animals and the whole thing w people lying about their untrained dogs/cats (or worse, exotic animals that they should not even own) being service/therapy/emotional support animals just so they can bring them in public is!! Really Bad!! and it hurts people who actually do need service dogs bc untrained dogs are well. untrained and set a bad example for how service animals will actually act! and owners who print out fake certifications also make it harder for disabled ppl bc it leads to store owners thinking that theres some sort of paper they can ask the owner to flash to prove the service dog is trained when that. is not actually true and theres no such thing as an actual certificate for this. if a service dog company offers a certificate/card/whatever to show authority it is specifically for disabled people to do when faced with this issue and has no actual official meaning. and ANOTHER thing that bothers me abt this joke is that.. Therapy For What? it would be really cool to see a canonically mentally ill character as a protagonist for a doll line! it would be fantastic to see them opening up that conversation for neurodivergent kids and their parents! but we have no indication for that at All just haha funy therapy spider :| anyways jade is an nd lesbian my canon now

-skyler is punk now! shes a fashion major and i think it would be a really interesting character to explore, someone who is shy but dresses really flashy and tough! i also changed her theme material from denim to the blue leather she wears at the party bc im biased towards alt fashion. her hair was really fun to design, with a big Cloud of Fluff at the top and long braids underneath bc get it!! its Rain Cloud Shaped :] i dont have much else to say bc this design is def in my Comfort Zone of styles. anyways we stan andershaw here they literally are in love

-vi vi! i didnt change much bc i dooooooont really know that much about influencer/mainstream fashion tbqh... i Did give her That One Halter Top Style that literally 2 other of the main characters are both wearing instead of a loose 1 piece dress tho. i also decided she should be into holographic fabric bc its very Sleek and Future Is Now and Influencercore. i also think the sleek tight fitting holo shirt/skirt is a good contrast to Big Fluffy Fur Jacket. she also has a prosthetic leg idk i just thought it would be a good Touch 

overall rh def has some MAJOR problems with diversity in all aspects and it shows in their fashion design as well! if you put the characters in black and white save for a few patterned pieces they would all be interchangeable and i honestly think that its representative of the larger problem! maybe i do follow the monster high design philosophy that every piece should only make sense on the character its from, but the fact that they cant even diversify FASHION despite it being a Fashion Doll Brand really Says It All.

[sunseteyes]

YOU’RE A FLAME IN MY HEART - K. RENGOKU

theme/s: hanahaki disease, light angst, unrequited feelings, descriptions of pain

Kyoujurou Rengoku is one of the reason why you joined the Demon Slayer Corps.

He is the very person who saved you and gave you inspiration to be stronger, be better.

But the problem was; he was a pillar. He was too high up, like a tower you couldn’t reach no matter how hard you try, no matter how much effort you would put into. He’s just unreachable for the liked of you, a measly Kinoe who couldn’t even rank up for over a month already.

No one said being a demon slayer was easy. You’d given up multiple times and you only stand up because you’d remember an image of a man, one that had told you to “set you heart ablaze” and live on. It was not unusual for a Flame Pillar to say those kind of words, but it didn’t matter. Because for you, it became a reason for you to carry on with your life, trying to move past the dark and cold black hole that was sucking up every piece of your energy.

The sun was up and the colorful sky had welcomed you as you set on to your new mission, one that you were assigned with several others. And the moment you saw Kyoujurou in that group, your heart flared like a thrumming drum roll, it had always been like that whenever you see the Flame Pillar, It was not surprising anymore, but it still bothers you. 

Could it be that... you were falling for him?

Your face burned and you bit your lip at the thought. it crossed your mind more than once, not just today. But you never admitted to it because you didn’t want to get hurt, not when you know this job is much dangerous and you can’t afford being distracted.

So you tried your best to take your mind off of it and focused. the mission was fairly easy, and the only reason why there’s a lot of slayers were gathered was because, in order to locate the demon, there must be a crowd that could be “bait” where the demon will pick who to strike. You only agreed to this because the demon was said not to be harmful for those who do not have significant others.

Well, it was supposed to be easy.

That was until you felt a shiver down your spine, that familiar sensation of a presence drifting from behind you. That time, you knew it was a bad idea.

Suddenly, Kyoujurou was in front of you, pulling you aside as he sliced at the presence behind you. You didn’t have any time gazing over if it was indeed a demon because your focus was on the arms that wrapped around your waist and the warmth that could even rival the sun’s—comforting and intoxicating.

It was a bliss one second until it was not.

“(Y/n)!” he knows your name. Although that fact was set aside for you were already clutching on your stomach and mouth, a burning sensation on your insides crawling like the goosebumps on your arms.

“What happened?”

“Are they okay?”

“Did the demon came?”

Questions swirled around as the other slayers crowded you and Kyoujurou, their presence suffocating you further aside from whatever that was attempting to go out of you.

You vomitted—you thought. But instead of seeing food, there was a circular object soft as a feather mixed with your blood.

Was that...

“A petal?” you didn’t know whoever had confirmed your thoughts. But as you poked the said object and placed it on your fingers, feeling its texture, ghey were right.

But you never ate a petal earlier. Or ever, in fact.

“This demon is called the Hanahaki Demon.” Kyoujurou’s voice pulls you away like he was freeing you from a prison. But as you looked onto his eyes, he had a troubled and a sort of glare on his face, one that you had never seen before.

“Whoever is in love will be affected by its blood demon technique.” his gaze was looming, turning grim by the minute. “It affects those with unrequited feelings.”

What? You couldn’t speak, and even if you want to you were too surprised with his words.

In... love?

With him?

You were coughing and throwing up again. It was not in the stomach—no. It was coming from your lungs; making it difficult to breath, and even keep your breathing properly. What kind of demon technique is this? Is this something you had caught because you admitted you like the Flame Pillar?

“Take her immediately to the Butterfly Estate! This is the demon’s blood demon arts! To anyone who has someone they love, immediately go!”

Someone else wrapped their arms on you and you missed Kyoujurou’s warmth already. You could only see his figure standing proudly and also defensively as they take you away from the distance, red petals clutched on your hands, stained with the crimson liquid that reminded you of the tips of Kyoujurou’s hair.

You were silently hoping that by the time you open your eyes again, Kyoujurou would be there, either lecturing you or not doesn’t matter. As long as he gets to talk to you again—even if it would be the last time.

But that will only remain as a wish. For by the time Kyoujurou came back, it was already too late.

send more angst requests if you like~ this is lighter than i intended it to be bc everyone had been requesting for heavy angst so i thought.

links; masterlist and prompts

feel send requests~ especially for the event~

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #441

“all alone, he turns to stone while holding his breath after death  /  terrified of what’s inside, to save his life he crawls like a worm from a bird”

Have you ever watched a movie in class/school that made you cry? Yep, a few. What’s the earliest you could go to bed at night and feel okay about? If I'm having a really bad day, I can tolerate as early as 7:00. :x What is you favorite type of lunch meat? Honey ham, probably. What time of the year do you dislike the most? Summer is disgusting. It's too hot, too humid, too many bugs, and I just hate it. Do you put ketchup on your scrambled eggs? No, that sounds gross. What is your favorite color to wear? b l a c k Are you an overachiever? Oh, hunny. What physical feature do you wish you had (i.e. freckles, curly hair)? Maybe uhhhh big eyes. What fictional character (i.e. Bambi, Scarlette O'hara) would you marry? Darkiplier bc he is merely a misunderstood soft boi. How long have you gone without shaving (girls- legs, armpits; boys- faces)? Legs: It's been nearly a year. Pits: not that long, considering I shave them every time I get in the shower. What is the meanest thing you have ever said to someone else? I'm sure it would be something in one of the letters I sent Jason. Or Dad. Idk. Did you ever go through a phase where you wrote bad poetry? The phase never ended lmao. What is your favorite thing about your life? My loved ones. Save all the animals that die during road kill or save 1 human from a fire? Sorry, but I'm picking the animals. Have you ever painted a picture of somebody? Yes. How many real bfs/gfs have you had? Two. Did you enjoy your past relationships? Yes. Except for when I was with Tyler. Name a comedy that you like. White Chicks. Could you wait until marriage for sex? Yeah. What’s the best Nirvana song? I'm not sure, really... Maybe "Drain You?" What was the last thing that impressed you? No clue. When was the last time you were in a pet store? Several months ago when I went in to get more rats for Venus. What nationality is your last name? Irish. What’s your favorite kind of chips and dip? Plain, rippled Lays in French onion dip. Who was the last boy that you saw cry? I don't know, actually. It may have been Sara's dad, which was years ago. Does your mom know you do surveys? I mean no, it's not like it's come up in conversation. Have you ever had a serious injury? When I was a kid, there was this one time I was running down the road with my friend, and I tripped; I was a fast runner, so I skinned the everliving FUCK out of my knees to the point there was even pus. I was SOBBING, and it took weeks to heal; I had the scars for years. What was the last thing you achieved? Losing weight at the gymmmm. Staying dedicated to going. Would you enjoy being famous? No. I couldn't take all the eyes on me and even ONE person's negative judgment. What’s under your bed? A big box of my art supplies. Do you enjoy travelling? Yeah. I wish I could do it more. Have you ever belonged to a club? If so, what was it? No. When was the last time you drank strawberry milk? Not since I first tried it at elementary school. It was absolutely disgusting. Have you ever managed to collect all the fast food toys in a set? I doubt it. Do you have a clock in your room? No. Did you have a good driver’s ED teacher? No. If I'd listened to him while driving, I could've gotten myself killed while merging onto the highway. People are assholes and didn't want to move over. Which of Britney Spears’ songs is your favorite? Probably "Freakshow." Does mind over matter work for you? Not usually, no. Are you paranoid? Oh yes. What is the best thing about winter? Everything!!! Literally the only BAD thing about winter is the dry skin/lips. I love the cold, Christmas and all that comes with it, the decor, hot chocolate, snow, getting all cuddly... Everything. :') Have you ever been truly in love? Absolutely. Are you currently planning a trip? No. A trip to Illinois is just a wish right now. How many plants are in your home? None, I think? What is your favorite possession? Excluding my pets (because I don't like calling them "possessions"), probably my laptop. Have you ever felt like you were too nice and way too often overlooked? I have before, yes. What movies have tripped you out? Off the top of my head, the only entertainment media in general that has ever truly "tripped me out" was the first time I played the Silent Hill game. The movie didn't affect me to that level because I already understood the concept. When I watched Jason play it for the first time, I was SO confused and just blown away by the concept that I did loads of research and just thinking about it all. That franchise is just cool as shit, okay. Did you rollerblade as a kid? Do you still rollerblade? I LOVED rollerblading. I haven't done it in years, though. Would you ever settle into a relationship that wasn’t right for you? Do you know friends who are in relationships just so they have someone to sleep with at night? NO. I will NOT settle. Being genuinely in love with my partner is too important to me for me to ever do so. I don't know if any of my friends are in that situation. Would you take a dirty picture of yourself for someone you are dating? With my current body? FUCK no. If I was happy with my body, the answer is still probably no. I'm too self-conscious and awkward with that kind of stuff, and besides, I really don't think I want a picture like that to exist of myself to avoid potential trouble. Do you use earplugs or a sleeping mask when you sleep? No. What summertime treats do you love? We have this local slushy place that is FUCKING BOMB. It may sound basic, but they have SUCH a vast variety of flavors and goodies you can top it with that it's truly just so amazing. How picky are you when it comes to choosing who to kiss or not kiss? I am VERY picky. I have to be really interested in you. Save for how things were with Tyler... I just felt like I was supposed to. What do you hate most about moving? I. Hate. The process. Of moving. It is just so, so stressful to me. I have a very hard time confronting big tasks, and that's exactly what packing and unpacking entails. Do you feel that having sex anywhere but a bed is more exciting? Not necessarily. Do you drink 5 hour energy drinks or any other kinds of energy drinks? No. Has anyone ever whistled at you? I don't think so. Do you like scarves? No. Is your father homophobic? Possibly. I don't actually know. I honestly don't think he took Sara's and my relationship seriously, so that may be a sign. Do you take gummy vitamins? The only vitamin I take now is vitamin D, which isn't a gummy. Have you ever applied make-up on a guy, for any reason at all? Ha, yeah. I gave Jason a makeover once. Who would you like to meet before you die? MARK. I am so determined, alsdjfkaj;wek;rj. I just want to hug him and say thank you and ugly-cry. If your dream was to be a model, and a big opportunity came up, but you had to be nude, would you take it? No. Even if I had the body of a model. What’s the most ridiculous conspiracy theory you’ve ever heard of? The fuckin' flat earth theory, probably. If Heaven and Hell exists, where you going when you die? Well, considering I have an, uh, very negative opinion of the Christian god... Who is the person that you are afraid of losing, above everyone else? My mom. The day she passes is a day I am inexplicably horrified of. What is one thing that pisses you off pretty much everyday? My life. If there anyone you know that you feel should consider therapy? My mom really could use it. Do you like any of the songs on Twilight, or the actual movie/saga itself? I love "Supermassive Black Hole" by Muse, but idk if it was actually written for the movie. How old was the first person you kissed? He was 18 when we first kissed. Will you be a strict parent one day? I never want to be a parent. If I hypothetically became one, I don't think I'd be strict, necessarily, but very protective. Last person to stand up for you? Probably Mom, idk. Have you been to a baby shower? Yeah, a few. Who were you with the last time you went to the movie theater? My dad. What’s your favorite high school memory? Just... a lot with Jason. Do you like relationships, or do you prefer to be single? I prefer being in a (healthy) relationship, but I won't get into one just for the sake of having one. What is one adventurous thing you’d be willing to do? Hmmm... scuba-dive, maybe? What subject at school did you absolutely hate? Math. Italian food or Chinese food? Italian. I don't really like (most) Chinese food. Do you like to make flash cards when you study? I rarely did that. Has anyone ever told you that you’re a good singer? Yes, somehow. Do you ever watch TED talks, live or online? No. I dare you to write the name of a person you strongly dislike. Ashley. What do you think about Marilyn Manson? He's one of my favorite musical artists, but he's a disgusting dick personally. Biggest trouble you’ve ever gotten into at school? Nothing, really. I was a very well-behaved kid. Do you own one of those “professional” DSLR cameras? Yeah, I have a Canon. Does it bother you when you see a 6th grader with a bunch of gadgets? No. Did you buy yearbooks every year in high school, or did you not bother? Not every year, but most. Do you have Restless Legs Syndrome? No. Jalapeños: yay or nay? I loooove them. Did you ever play Minecraft? Nah. My niece is getting into it. Did you ever have a Club Penguin account? Were you a member? I did have one. I wasn't one of those premium members or anything like that; I just had a basic account. Do you know anyone that seems to not have any common sense? Bitch me. It's extremely embarrassing. I 100% got it from my dad. What do you think is the biggest injustice that was ever done to you? The manner through which Jason broke up with me. It left me traumatized. What type of person angers you the most? Abusive people that think only they matter and have no consideration for how their actions affect other people. If you could change your appearance, how would you alter it? I'd lose a shitload of weight, for one. My teeth would be whiter, my eyes bigger and bluer, I'd want my hair colored/able to hold color far better, I'd lighten and lessen my body hair, make my skin clearer, thin my eyebrows... I'd change a lot. What are your feelings on feminism? MANDATORY. Absolutely necessary in a misogynistic society. However, I do believe some people take it way too far to a point it is anti-man and puts women on a holy pedestal. It is about equality. Describe your first relationship? Perfect, until it wasn't. Describe your last relationship? Wonderful and healthy, but distance and our health were issues at the time. Can you honestly say that you always practice safe sex? My history with sex is confusing and complicated and I really don't know. Why do you think your most favorite film touches you so deeply? Thinking about it... it's probably because of how Simba runs from his problems and bad memories, but returns to confront them and is victorious. That's how I want to be. What do you want people you meet for the first time to think about you? That I'm nice and clearly sincerely cared about them and their feelings. Do you feel protective over someone? My sisters, nieces and nephews, Sara... What perfume/cologne do you wear? It's called "Blush." Where did your vehicle come from? I don't have my own, but Mom's came from a girl at the dance studio. She ran into a deer, and the front got fucked up, but the sweetheart paid to fix it up to being operable so Mom had her own car. The front bumper is kept intact with zip ties and duct tape, but hey... it works and has for many, many years now, lol. What was the color of the bridesmaid dresses of the last wedding you went to? Ummmm... I actually don't remember. What is your favorite way to eat chicken? As tenders, probably. It is your birthday. You hope the cake is: Red velvet. This year for my bday, our controlling-as-fuck family friend bought me my birthday cake without consulting ANYBODY, and I was so fucking annoyed. It was a very kind gesture, yes, but um, can I have a say, please? What do you wear to bed? Usually men's pj pants and a tank top. What were you doing at 8pm last night? Sleeping, actually. I was extremely tired and went to bed early.

[honeyymistt]

[1/2] hey, okay, it's me again. i feel like i'm treating you like an unpaid therapist but idk where to share this and how to get help (this is kinda lengthy, and i do apologise for that)

i think i'm running out of patience for myself on how to live with myself; all my favourite artists and fictional characters experience this same hollow loneliness but they just— keep going..... despite it all. i'm trying to keep busy with studying but that quickly led to an all-nighter and now i can't fall asleep despite my exhaustion. i think the goals i've had in mind for myself are too high, so i'm just going to spend the next week reading without shame or guilt and try to finally start learning russian. i don't really take care of my physical fitness bc i'm always tired and i feel like all my energy is spent on keeping in check with eating and taking care of my physical hygiene. i have so much time each day and yet at the end of the day i still feel like i did nothing even though i read and studied a lot. i just feel like i'm stagnated, still in my 16-year-old teenage mind bc i spent my youth numbing myself bc i couldn't stand my own thoughts. i havent talked to anyone really, besides my famil, in weeks, and i know loneliness is a common feeling most of us carry with us, but since i'm not very smart and don't know about a lot of things that matter, like history and art, i just feel so inadequate because all these people i look up to, and secretly aspire to be, are fundamentally different from me. they have rich inner lives even in times of despair, they know how to build their own lives in the rubble and just keep on going despite it all. i just feel like a shell of a human being (dramatic i know). i'm also aware that i'm highly privileged and don't have to worry about money and housing, etc. and i'm grateful for that but despite that I just hate myself and I wish I could be someone else and change; I've tried to over the past years but i never make any actual changes in my life? I don't want to die per se, I just don't want to keep on living like this.

[2/2] also, with the looming climate desaster and our world being ruled by capitalism i know a lot of worries and problems stem from that;;;; also i've had this very embarrassing conversation with my family a month ago; i was very drunk and ofc started talking about capitalism, etc. and lgbtq rights. they're very conservative, smart and well-read and i'm just the complete opposite— my point being, bc i feel so desperately lonely i'm trying to have these conversations with the people around me that are obviously only really meant to be had with close pals and not with 60 year olds who only care about the bootstrap theory etc. anyway my grandmother called me out on my bs and said "so what have you done in your life so far?" nothing. i shouldn't complain about other people, politics etc. and the patriarchal, white supremacist strucures around us bc i've never worked a day in my life...... it's just. i know she's right. but like i literally don't know how to hold conversations anymore and can never recall stuff i read accurately so i'm just talking shit the whole time. i'm so desperately trying to get their approval but i'm just not well-read and smart enough. i know being dumb is not the worst thing to be, i'm alive and living in a well-situated area, but it's the only thing i used to define myself with. my parents expected a lot of us as children and i couldn't deliver. so i pretty much forced them to stop pressuring me but i wish they did now. bc then i would be smart, worldly and have a bright future. i'm sorry for the long rambling. i also don't want to ruin your feed by my long asks...... anyway, if you have any advice i would be so glad to hear it. bc i feel like i'm going slightly insane. -💌 sorry for doing this <33 🤠 feel free to just delete this;;;

hi 💌-anon!!!

don't feel bad for sending this in. your long post is going to have a long answer and it ruining my feed is literally the last thing on my mind. if it bothers people, that's on them ;) similarly to the last ask you sent in, i kind of just pulled out a few things that you wrote and decided to give my perspective on it. i hope that reading some of my (very scrambled) thoughts will relax your mind and heart just a little bit. everything will be okay, i promise.

so the first thing that stood out to me was when you mentioned how all of your favorite fictional characters just keep on going when they feel lonely and i know how frustrating that can be because it's so glorified. they just keep going and then boom! things are better, right? i want you to remember that this is fiction and not an accurate representation of how hard the feeling of loneliness actually hits. so try not to compare yourself to your favorite character and beat yourself up if you're not dealing with loneliness as well as they did because everything in fiction is better and easier.

as for feeling exhausted because of the goals you've made for yourself, i know what you mean. i'm such a perfectionist and workaholic (i suffered from such bad burn out this year). i'm learning how to lower them as well. it's good to be ambitious. it's amazing to have big dreams and goals but you have to prepare yourself for setbacks and failure. so from now on, it's decided that you and me, are going to be accountability buddies. no more unrealistic goals and deadlines. i will hold you accountable, you will hold me accountable and we'll improve together 🤍

so you don't know about things like history and art and you claim that these are things that matter. but matter to who? are you genuinely intrigued by these things? if you are, then study it. read about it. ask questions. but if they just matter to your family, then i really don't think you need to know about these things extensively. it's always good to know things generally but if you aren't interested, then don't waste your time learning about it just to please others.

i could be completely wrong, but from what i understood from your message, you feel really lonely and you're starting to feel a bit stuck. you're surrounded by people who are different from you and that sometimes makes you feel suffocated because the conversations you want to have aren't wanted by others. the first thing i noticed in your message is that you repeatedly call yourself stupid or dumb. you need to stop that, okay? if you keep telling that to yourself, it will destroy a lot of opportunities for you. trust me, i know. you will turn down opportunities thinking that you're not smart enough for it but it's not true. you don't need to be smart to have a bright future. you can be creative, you can athletic, you can be selfless, you can be funny. maybe you just need to embrace who you are and trust that you will have a bright future by just being you. i'll tell you something: you don't need to be exactly like your family to have their success. you need a determination and a good work ethic. where do you start? stop underselling your intelligence. believe in yourself!!!

P.S i can tell that you're smart because your vocabulary is out of this world!!! and oh my god, can we talk about your punctuation? like bestie, you're ahead of the game. i also had to google what the bootstrap theory is. you are smarter than you give yourself credit for!!

another thing i would encourage you to do is to avoid "deep" conversations with your family. if your family is very conservative, there are going to be certain topics that they just won't understand and it might make you frustrated or feel misunderstood; it might make you feel more lonely. i would advise you to just stick to more lighthearted conversations with them. it's not that you don't know how to hold conversations, it's just that the people you're talking to aren't the right listeners.

my sweet 💌-anon, times like these are normal! we all feel lonely at times and i know it's tough and it's frustrating and you feel like nothing in your life is going to work out but i promise you, it will. the universe has it's way of doing that. if i could, i would give you the chance to see yourself the way i see you - full of potential, warm-hearted, and so so deserving of a good life filled with love, caring people and success. times are tough, but so are you. you haven't made it this far to only come this far!! remember that i'm here for you every step of the way and you can message me any time you need to. i will never delete it or ignore you. i love talking to you <3

[msiopao]

Nobi with the Members

WORLDWIDE HANDSOME

‘eomma!!!’

one yell from her and jin’s running in with a spatula, ready to beat the kids

thinks a lot of her outfits are revealing but gave up after nobi told him to stop complaining to the stylists

cooking buddies

feeds into jin’s ego at being handsome

‘kim seokjin? no. art? yes.’

babies nobi TOO much

even though she’s literally 24, he still treats her like she’s 12

thinks she can do no wrong and sees her as an angel

but nobi is such a bad influence

‘my hair is bothering my eyes and it makes me want to just cut if off’

*nobi handing him scissors* ‘do it’

constantly telling him that his dancing is perfect bc jin is insecure about the lack of his ability :(

even though he’s a better dancer than most

nobi tries to get him riled up so he talks all weird

the one who is actually genuinely tickled with jin’s jokes

eatjin’s legendary moments always have jin and nobi in it

goes to his hotel room just because he always has food and jin doesn’t have it in him to refuse her

the one who nags nobi the most regarding her eating

just her mom periodt

TONGUE TECHNOLOGY

gets hyper when nobi messes around

incredibly and ridiculously protective of her

helps her go through rough times as her therapist

yoongi mumbles under his breath and nobi is usually the only one who hears and will laugh as he curses someone quietly

nobi’s sense of humor is the closest with his

nap times are their bonding times

also composing

army always amazed bc nobi is the only who gets yoongi on crack mode

nobi always pinches his cheeks and she shrieks when he does that cute awkward smile

nobi absolutely flipped out when yoongi got really sick

always seeks yoongi’s approval so he’s the first one to see her lyrics

doesnt beat around the bush w it

if its bad, needs improvement

if its good, its the BEST LYRICS HES EVER READ

nobi hides her feelings well and he’s the only one who can get her to open up

during bst era, she hit her lowest

yoongi got very concerned and when she did finally talk, his heart just broke in half

she hates the fact that she can’t be the daughter her parents wanted

she hates the fact that she’s weak and breaks down easily

she hates the fact that she’s seen as a whore because she’s surrounded by boys she calls her brothers 24/7

she hates the fact that everything about her is considered wrong

that talk got them really close and yoongi makes it mission everyday to see her genuine and pretty smile

he lives for her happiness

uwu

HOBI

‘WELCOME TO THE HOBI NOBI SHOW!’

puppies

nobi hugs him a lot

whenever he dances, nobi has this look in her eyes that looks like hobi is the stars and the universe

both of them are the ones who keep the group’s mood up and tries to prevent fights

even when they’re tired from practice, they still smile and yells ‘hwaiting!’

while hobi is just a moodmaker in general,

nobi does it bc she hates confrontation and gets uncomfortable so she just blurts it out

nobi’s also a dancer so her and hobi dance ALL THE TIME

vlives w them are always filled with laughter and teasing

‘everyone, nobi just fell after hitting that spin’

‘YAH! NO I DIDNT!’

hobi is known to be a choroegrapher and nobi puts her input here and there and boom!

tbh idk why they even have a professional choreographer in the first place

hobi is a trained singer so nobi asks him to sing for her constantly

hes happy to oblige

armys live for the moments of them in run bts or vlives bc they have this vibe or bond that is just something you wished you had

JOONIE-HYUNG!

‘NOBI WATCH OUT!’

they’re the philosophical duo

nobi loves poetry and literature in general bc she tends to think really deeply 

their bonding time is those deep talks

as their leader, nobi goes to him for confirmation or approval for a lot of things

she’s always having english lessons w him and he tries his best to teach her so she could speak to int-army

bts calls them the clumsiest bc of joon’s usual clumsiness but nobi is always looking out for him so she doesnt pay attention to her surroundings and runs into something too

she loves his studio and hangs out the most even though joon’s always telling her to stay away

props up her feet on that fortune dollar table of his

when he speaks english in interviews, she watches him with a smile on her face

her dad

pats her head when she walks over to him

her and jimin crashes his vlives all the time 

there’s nothing in the world that changes the way she sees joonie

to her, she’ll always be the joonie who welcomed her to their group even though she was a brat at first

thats another story for next time

now she respects him so much and he’s probably the one she looks up to the most

overall, she idolizes him and talks about him like he put the stars in the sky while joon just sits there all flustered

MOCHI

oof look at that beautiful manjfkalj;dlfsjkf

cannot sleep without her chimmy plush

when they first met, he was the first one she got really close to

his cute chubby cheeks were victims of her uwu moments

learns a lot fo ballet videos from youtube and they dance it in vlives all the time

remember when i said she had an eating disorder?

yea, it happened around the time he had his too

nobi was always trying to eat little ever since debut but she stopped eating for days at a time and with jimin doing it too, bts kinda derailed for a hot minute

a long emotional time of sufering until bang pd demanded they stop it immediately

after that, they had an emotional sit down where they just cried and spilled all their insecurities and they had each other’s backs

knowing she was already skinny, jimin disapproved but she also disapproved and again, more tears

nobi always hides snacks in her and kook’s room that kook doesn’t even know about and she always brings the box over to jimin’s room if hobi is out for schedules

when hobi went to america, nobi slept in jimin’s room

kook was real pissed off about it

eyesmiles for days

giggles 24/7

has the picture of one of jimin’s unreleased baby pictures as her home screen

dies a little inside when nobi reaches over to him with sweater paws bc OMG she’s so cute

uwu

jimin really coos and giggles at nobi bc of her small height and her uwu energy

sorry i used uwu a lot

TAETAE

the dumpling accident omg

jimin mentioned it in a vlive earlier and nobi also talked about it a day later in her own vlive

‘tae was very hungry at that time and just wanted to eat it immediately and when he got angry, he curled up to nobi and refused to acknowledge me’

again, nobi hates confrontation so fights between the members always brings her down and so she tries to comfort each member

she bought tae some dumplings after practice and tricked him into meeting jimin so they could meet up

tbh, tae would be a mess without nobi

she helps him clean up his room but gives up w the amount of clothes on the floor

‘honestly, you shouldve just stayed roommates w joonie-hyung. we cant trust you to room by yourself’

she goes to his room sometimes and just lays on his bed bc he has the softest bed in the whole dorm

tae is already known to be very regal and royalty like whenever he steps outside

combine that with graceful queen nobi?

oof armys fanfiction royalty aus pop up everywhere

nobi is still angry that tae isn’t a gucci model w her bc she feels out of place being the only member w a clothing sponsorship

but underneath that stiff and cold facade, they both are seen making faces and goofing off all the time

nobi can only stand being a queen for so long

in one concert, she danced w him in a duet w singularity and lets just say, armys died that night

always stands next to each other and if they cant, always seen giving each other longing stares and smiles

the 2nd most popular ship in the fandom and they know it too so they keep feeding armys for their compilation videos

MUSCLE PIG

the only member who’s younger than her

actually would it be considered if they’re only 10-months apart?

kook refuses to call her noona unless he wants something

initially didnt like her but there was a time she bought him banana milk and it was all good

our boy was crying bc he was hungry and tired and he was trying to control his weight and he just wanted some banana milk

they’re a superior ship

one of the most popular ship in the whole industry

actually the superior couple and kai and jennie can square up

there’s fan edits of them and they both purposely do stuff to help them make au videos in youtube

theyve seen it before so we arent safe bois

the 2nd pair of roommates in the bts dorm

nobi is usually the first one to sleep while kook is watching something in the living room

when he goes to his room, he takes a minute and stands at the doorway and just looks at nobi with love in his eyes

mhm

nobi loves warmth so she gets out of her own bed at like 3 in the morning and just goes into kook’s and cuddles to him

sometimes, they just lay in bed and nobi is holding his hand just inspecting his tattoos

‘should we get a matching tattoo?’

their closet is large and tbh, they share the same clothing anyways

more like nobi wears mostly kook’s stuff

like, really, nobi has pants and a few shirts and thats it

they share everything like family but kook refuses to share her w anyone else but him

[batwynn]

I'm a newish artist on here and even my friends don't share my posts anymore. Idk what to do bc I keep seeing popular blogs like yours ask for signal boosts and no one bothers and my blog is so small? I feel like I'll never get any attention nvm commissions on here and twitter is almost worse for me.

Hi newish artist anon! Firstly, I don’t know what’s up with your friends, but I would hope they supported you and your work? I know what you mean, though, it’s been a rough period for creators of all types on this site, and I have a feeling it won’t get any better. I wish I could bring you back to the days of reblogs, mutuals screaming about stuff together, and lots of traffic to everyone’s accounts, but... time travel, as far as I can see, is not a viable option. :( Here are some links to some basic tips I wrote out before to managing Tumblr a bit, first and foremost: How to Get Your Art Noticed (On Tumblr)How to Manage Bullying (On Tumblr) How to Sell On ETSY (Super basic) More serious talk under the cut: 

The thing is, also, is that I’m not actually a popular blog. I have a largish sum of followers, but at this point I’ve become aware that a thousand of them are probably porn bots, and at least another 7 thousand or so are hacked accounts/abandoned of friends and mutuals that no longer post or use this site at all.(I say this after exploring some of my older follower’s accounts, a lot of the mutual followed accounts, and a lot more old friend accounts from people I haven’t heard from since 2015 or so.)

 SO many people have left, or were forced off this site, and it’s left a pretty big void for a lot creators like myself and others. It means that a lot of us, while once being decently ‘popular’ are now sort of stagnated to this ‘I have a lot of followers but half my friends are gone and a lot of the followers aren’t actual accounts anymore’ kind of place. Which means, with the whole anti-reblogging front going on, you just... go nowhere. Your posts don’t get outside of your bubble, especially when Tumblr does stuff like hides your posts with links from the tag. :/ 

On the other side of things, If you look at accounts like Pangur and Grim you can really see a difference in account activity and follower interaction. You’ll notice there’s a surplus of activity on multiple types of posts, from personal, to cats, to art, etc. (You’ll also notice a lot of negative stuff, which I honestly don’t miss from the time when I had a lot of activity on this blog lol) That kind of blog is what I would consider an actual ‘popular’ blog, especially since the owner does a lot of interactive posts and gets actual interactions with them. The point I’m trying to make with all this, is that there is no one true way to get interaction on this site, and I don’t really think there’s a perfect way to gain it without, honestly, luck. Even two years ago, I would say something like, ‘You may be able to get people’s attention by working hard at focusing on post times, popular trends, networking, working with other artists, joining zines, etc.’ But that just doesn’t work anymore. Hard work does not automatically equal popularity or give you attention and interactions, especially not on this site. 

Things have changed, unfortunately in a very negative way for creators, and we’re all sort of left trying to find a place that works like Tumblr used to. A place we can congregate yet have our personal spaces, while exploring our ‘likes’ and mutual fandoms etc. A place where a little extra work on your content and following trends and posting at good times was all you really needed to get at least some interactions and attention. 

Twitter is also not good at that, and I know a lot of my friends and mutuals are there and we are following one another, but Twitter is just not made for creators. It really just isn’t. It’s fast-paced, it’s styled for short, quippy responses to media and other people, and it’s terrible with image quality never mind the whole bad cropping situation. If you able, by luck and some hard work, to manage a following, even then there is no promise of interaction or commissions. People move on, people ‘like’ and skip to the next post, people ignore donations posts, people scroll past art if they can’t see the whole thing, people are looking at Twitter at midnight after a long day of work and have no energy to look at your kickstarter for your original work, people spend all day looking and talking about politics and are burnt out, etc. etc.  

I know this is... not a cheerful message for anyone, but I wanted to be honest. There isn’t one way to get attention for your work, and there is no promise that doing ‘one simple trick!’ will work for you when it worked for others. Just by asking and wanting to be proactive about this is a great way to get going, though!

That being said, I would love to reblog/retweet your work and never feel bad for asking me for a signal boost. Seriously, I may not be a popular blog but if you need commissions or donations and need a boost, It’s worth a try and I’m absolutely open to sharing your work and posts. 

[darrelodin]

Human!Mona head-canons

Thanks to @auncyen for suggesting Morgana was being held back on becoming human by his personal fears, now take all these headcannons about him actually becoming human.

- General

* is around shinya’s age, middle schooler, looks kinda related to Akira/Ren (this bothers him for a while bc he was supposed to be just like the others)

*Living with the Sakura’s (when you’ve got government contacts, it’s a little easier to hide a suddenly new human being existing)

* Due to being used to being a cat, he’s just, really chill with physical contact - when he feels like it, of course. Hugs, casual leans, napping against a friend, all on the table - just don’t squish his cheeks!

* Smole boy with big smile - is definitely able to abuse that to get people to go ‘awe’ and let him get away with things (the thieves coo and them go ‘we know you’re a gremlin you ain’t gettin out of trouble’)

* Definitely has some times he gets lost, not quite sure what he should do with himself - after all, he got his goal. Now what?

* As for the humanity’s hope side of things, he probably has a habit of encouraging random people he talks to, in part bc he just doesn’t see why people shouldn’t try for what they want. Results in some good but also him getting saddened/angry over the unfairness of the world sometimes

- Akira

* He has a human little brother as opposed to a cat little brother

* Little bro is still a bedtime tyrant

* Honestly they’d otherwise be basically doing the same stuff. At least when He’s around - he’s have to leave Mona behind at sojiros if/when he returned home

*Calls him up everyday when he’s gone to say hi, talk about the day - Akira misses him too

* Mona probably tries to emulate him, especially after the year of the thieves

* Would also definitely troll him by buying little tuxedo cat toys (which Mona would groan about but then refuse to give back bc they were a gift of course he accepted it)

- Ryuji

* Manga arguments (who the better character is, Mona finds them ridiculous and then gets caught buried deep in them)

* Ryuji bringing Mona to do a sport/come to the gym when he’s older (basically just exercise buddies - they’d both have a lot of energy to burn)

* Realizes Mona is lonely after Akira has to head home, takes the dude out fishin and stuff to get him to relax

*Reminds him that he’s like, a kid. “Why ya worrying about whatcha gonna do with yourself dude? You ain’t even in high school yet?” (Morgana would bicker but being reminded like that would help)

- Ann

* Fashion: mona gets a wardrobe (with haru’s money)with style - they’d definitely do little fashion shows for themselves

* Language practice with Ann (just casually chatting in English to mess with other people)

* Would definitely go on ‘sweets adventures’ to find cool desserts around the city

* Definitely the one who would pick up on Mona being lost without Akira/goal of becoming human (Ryuji prob the second person)

- Yusuke

* I honestly don’t see them hanging out too much? Yusuke would do some drawings, and perhaps they’d go to somewhere new on occasion for ‘inspiration’ while Mona is just concerned over Yusuke buying something on a whim when he shouldn’t.

* Actually okay, Mona doing art is cute and Yusuke highly encourages it, which results in some interesting art in the Sakura household/Leblanc kitchen fridge

- Makoto

* You are being educated properly Morgana - who needs cram school when you have makoto?

* Mona probably tries to look at her college stuff and gets a bit overwhelmed by it all - but is interested in the psychology books she’d study

- Futaba

* Squishes his cheeks

* She would definitely introduce him as “My *little* brother, Morgana.” To which he’d sputter and blush bc he is *not* little but also being reminded she considers him family is really touching.

* trolls him with internet memes and laughs bc he just doesn’t get them

* My biased mind wants the two of them to collaborate and run a tabletop game for the group, like dnd or something - to keep their phantom thief skills sharp, of course.

* The crash course on tech, via Futaba, results in Morgana still definitely not understanding it, but becoming computer literate enough to do research on his own

- Haru

* Refined tea times

* I could see Mona working with her under boss to learn coffee techniques at Leblanc

* She’d make the effort to have dinner with him once or twice a week

* Morgana definitely cheers her on, still tries to be her ‘teacher’ though they both do it as a joke between themselves now

* Would also join Ryuji in reminding Mona to enjoy this chance at childhood - probably even admit she wishes she had a chance to experience a ‘normal’ one as well (this leads to a movie night to relax bc Mona refuses to let her be down)

*Teaches him how to garden

- sojiro

* oh boy another mouth to feed (as if he minds)

* Probably has a talk about the whole year of cat living in the place

* Tries to pull the tough guy technique again but Mona knows all his tricks

* Is still able to shame the boy and doesn’t fall for his wide eyed ‘I’m just a kid’ look

[thelaudown]

hyouka poly slowburn so its like: (post-anime)

satoshi and mayaka are dating all through highschool and houtarou and eru are maybe a little more invested than friends would normally be, and step in when they have problems to a degree that regular people would call a boundary issue.

houtarou and mayaka still give each other shit at every opportunity, but theyre much more outwardly friendly than before, and if she ever argues w satoshi houtarou is the first to say that theres no way its her fault. maybe one time it is and he confronts her abt it in a way that forces her to take him seriously. its the respect and codependency for me. 

mayaka and satoshi have functioning eyes and houtarous feelings for eru are completely obvious to them. unfortunately shes a little harder to read, so they never really get further than being very close friends and committing to being together for the foreseeable future, as far as this road will take them - its the same dynamic for the entire friend group, but satoshi starts seriously considering a proposal in third year. 

he and mayaka will be seperated through college - she wants to go to art school, he thinks he might like to be a teacher (specifically of like, textiles or language) and he thinks long distance is too much to ask of her. after a serious conversation she agrees and they take a break through college, but they are tentatively engaged, will be keeping in touch, and want to pick things back up once theyre both in the same location again. 

mayaka and eru flat in college, bringing up mayakas long buried feelings for her, and theyve always been so touchy, and she has a feeling that erus guilty about something? but she doesnt want to get her hopes up. she gets really frustrated and confides in the only person who knows both satoshi and mayaka and isnt involved - HOUTAROU, who attends a less prestigious college than eru but is taking similar business courses (he hasnt forgotten) and is commuting from home. 

hes closer to them than satoshi, but theres still a little distance and they dont meet as often as theyd like, partially bc he doesnt often make the effort - the energy he does have is expended on his classes, bc he has a motivation to do well - if he does, maybe eru will consider him without him even putting himself out there. anyway she still calls him on the phone all the time tho. 

he doesnt really have any advice when mayaka speaks to him, but hes quick to reassure her that satoshi wouldnt be bothered by her feelings - "because its eru". functioning adults refer to each other by their first names. it was a super embarassing transition period but theyre used to it now. 

so mayaka takes the leap and eru admits that while shes never really been one to dwell on romantic feelings, she reciprocates but is concerned abt satoshi - she loves him too, after all, and he and mayaka were/are/will be a great couple. she ends up confessing this to houtarou, filled w apologies and assurances that he neednt worry abt her personal matters, but he doesnt mind listening. anyway it stings (in a sad way, not a bitter one) that she apparently has interest in both mayaka and satoshi but not him, but he REALLY cant blame her. he tells her that he doesnt know how to advise her and she thanks him for listening, and then he does probably the most meddlesome thing hes ever done and calls satoshi and tells him everything. 

satoshi is really cool abt it, and hits him w "lol if theyre dating what if i just take you out to lunch. fairs fair. what do you mean you dont know about my massive crush on you, mr observer didnt pick it up? oh wow okay youre really stupid when it comes to yourself. ill pick you up on friday" and then satoshi calls mayaka and gives her his blessing and assures that he loves them both and wishes them the best and wow they REALLY need to catch up soon. hell bring houtarou and they can compare date notes! and he hangs up. 

satoshi is still kind of a petty guy and he probably only confessed to houtarou bc he was taken off guard, but hes not being inauthentic by any means. this is the new improved satoshi 2.0, who is becoming more comfortable w there being things he doesnt like abt himself and working on them and getting his feelings out constructively, rather than pushing them down and refusing to put himself in situations that might turn out badly. he gets his hopes up again, and is happier for it even when hes let down. 

eru is shocked to hear abt houtarou and satoshi. mayaka isnt. they talk abt it, interspersed w making out, and are shocked to realise that they like both of them - mayaka is ESPECIALLY taken off guard, both by her own feelings and erus, which shed never noticed before. she almost tells eru abt houtarous 3+ years of pining, but stops herself lest things get messy. shes starting to get an idea, but needs to tread lightly. besides, its not like houtarou wld ever like her. theyre barely even friends. it doesnt all add up as evenly as shed like. 

for houtarous part, hes genuinely in wtf mode irt satoshis feelings for him, and hes been in eru chitanda hell for so long that he never considered anything else, but now that he IS.... satoshi isnt so bad. he was always really cute w mayaka, when he wasnt being annoying for fun and profit. sure. okay. so they do some gay double dating through college, but the cross couple pining dont stop. satoshi is absolutely still obsessed w mayaka, but houtarou doesnt mind bc he cant take his eyes off eru whenever they meet up either. 

she still calls him on the phone all the time, and when schoolwork picks up he often finds himself calling her w thoughts or questions. they do some more thought exercises, but they dont need to argue as an excuse, and she barely has to badger him anymore. one day he looks at himself and sees a functioning adult who spends a moderate amount of energy on things that arent necessarily necessary, and wants to sigh, but. hes happy. 

college ends and they all find themselves back in kamiyama - satoshi is student teaching at their old middle school, eru is hard at work for her family, mayaka is working while she works on her manga debut, and houtarou is working while he figures out what he actually wants. 

its clear to all of them that mayaka and satoshi need to have a talk, so they do, and they come up with... poly. its unconventional, but they really are happy, and they really do love each other, and mayaka would love to start wearing her ring again (satoshi never took his off, and she pretended not to notice but she had the biggest lady boner over it). 

so now sometimes eru and houtarou are hanging out while their boyfriend and girlfriend are out on dates being engaged, making up for lost time and considering the practicality of marriage while they both have sidepieces, and houtarou and eru are pining BAD, but neither notices the other and he asks how her business is going and maybe kind of offers his assistance platonically. 

so now THATS happening, and satoshi and mayaka get to talking one day abt how those two should date, shld we do smth? and if they did then the only pieces missing are mayaka/houtarou and satoshi/eru which is a beautiful dream but wld never happen, what do you mean he/she wld love to date you, wait really, oh my god, what, are we doing this, 

and houtarou who has been working himself up to confessing for the past SEVEN YEARS, never gets to bc satoshi and mayaka interrupt while theyre at work and do it for him 

[reachfortheskiespeeps]

The Meeting

FANFICTION BY: ''You know who you are ; ))'' AU: #actorAU PAIRING: MIKHAIL x ARCHER (aka HS!AU Adult Emilio's actor and HS!AU Adult Abel's actor)

⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛

((A/N: I ended up writing this before the one I initially thought to do, I swear this is much tamer than the other 😂 Sorry to disappoint, no spicy scenes, maybe next time XD Thank you Eszii for your spicy art, I just about burst into flames from it 💞

It’s this ship again, Mikhail x Archer, bc I am currently in love with them. I don’t think I’ll get over them for a while. I wanna write about them going through classic shoujo tropes, like, idk, beach episode? xmas episode? kabedon? ‘A got sick so B took care of A’? Gimme ideas y'all. I wanna keep writing while I have the motivation to do so, since I’ve had a dry spell for a year now 😂

One thing to note before getting started, Idk how to phrase it, but basically this fic is not in chronological order–but also yes bc it’s in the order i wrote it–I hope it’s not too confusing. Aight happy reading!))

——

Mikhail loves leaving butterfly kisses and hickeys all over Archer’s soft and fair body. He has his favorite areas, which are evident from how many and how deep they are, so Archer can’t even look at his reflection without blushing. Mikhail likes the sight of his lover covered in marks he made, knowing it was he who made them. While he does want to make it known that Archer is his, he doesn’t cause trouble by leaving marks on areas impossible to cover. On days when Archer isn’t busy, Mikhail is given free reign to kiss wherever he wished. He doesn’t want Archer getting hurt, so he rarely makes blatant bite marks, and the only times he did that was because Archer was being naughty and had to be taught a 'lesson’. (Although Archer didn’t seem very hurt by them, and instead….)

Archer, on the other hand, likes biting Mikhail’s hard body. He bites, he scratches, he licks. He did it the first time because he was being pouty and petty–it’s tough being the receiver ya know? And Mikhail just lets him because he’s cute and it’s kinda hot to feel his fangs sinking in like that. But then Archer got used to doing it and eventually did it because Archer noticed that Mikhail seemed to like being bitten (by none other than him, of course). He once caught Mikhail looking at his body on the mirror with a happy little tug on the corner of his lips, looking very much like a content Big Bad Wolf. Archer could almost see an imaginary tail wagging. He loves Mikhail’s body for all its glory and imperfections, even if the man himself didn’t, so leaving those marks on him was one of Archer’s many ways to show affection.

So one day when Mikhail shows up to work without bothering to cover up (it wasn’t noticeable anyway, his dark skin, tattoos and intimidating aura was enough for people not to look long enough to notice anything), Logan, who was beside Mikhail getting prepared for a scene, saw a small portion of scratch marks on his chest, the rest hidden by the v-neck shirt Mikhail wore.

And before he could stop his mouth, Logan found himself asking, “You have a cat, Mikhail?” Yuki, who was in the room with them too, looked up from reading his script upon hearing the brave attempt of Logan to converse with Mikhail. He didn’t join them, but he sat there, just listening in on their conversation. He didn’t have the guts that Logan had, but he was still interested to see how their conversation would go.

Mikhail looked at him–it was an ordinary glance but Logan still almost flinched. “Oh?”

'It was a gentler reply than I expected,’ Yuki thought. 'He is in a good mood?’

Logan seemed to think that as well, so he carried on the conversation. “Since when did you have it? Did you get it vaccinated yet? Some cats are just really playful, they don’t mean to be naughty, so it’s better to be patient and discipline them when–”

“Why do you think I have a cat?” Mikhail interrupted.

“Hm? Ah, I saw the scratch on your chest. What does your cat look like, by the way?”

Mikhail thought about it before he answered. “Pretty, soft, round, and pure white, got some claws, but never intends to hurt me. It’s cute.”

“And the eyes?” Logan eagerly asked.

“Hypnotic.” Mikhail unconsciously smiled, though Logan didn’t seem to notice, too happy to talk to the man in a pleasant manner. “Makes the cutest sounds too.”

But Yuki did.

“You must really love your cat huh?” Logan, as well as the silent Yuki, was surprised to know that Mikhail had a soft side. Well, not so surprised. He’s only ever truly obedient to Archer, whether the two of them noticed it or not.

Mikhail thought back to the man resting at home. Archer’s next scene was scheduled for tomorrow, so he had enough time to recover the energy he lost.

Mikhail played with his 'cat’ a bit too much last night. His clothes hid the many marks all over his chest and back made by his oh so cute little cat who grew resentful of Mikhail’s stamina, yet still unable to withstand mewling to his irresistible charm.

With a mischievous smile, Mikhail said, “I do.”

—-

Bonus:

After the shoot, in the shower rooms.

Yuki’s reaction when he saw Mikhail’s back: やっぱりね~ [Yappari ne~] Not a ネコ [neko], but a こいびと [koibito]…. Well, maybe both.

((A/N: Fun fact, neko in Japanese slang can also mean the “bottom” in a relationship. The more you know~

Can you guys recommend some sexy songs? I need background music for when I write stuff like this lol))

——

The first time Mikhail 'met’ Archer, it was on the radio. He was in his car, driving alone to a destination that no upright citizen should have any business with. He wasn’t in a good mood. Everything ticked him off–the traffic that he’d already passed, the voices on the radio who thought they were being funny, the sun blazing high up in the cloudless sky. He turned the radio off because it was annoying, but the goddamn silence left him with too much space to think. He needed a distraction. So he turned it back on and chose a random station.

“–by Archer Charles,” after the introduction, a pleasant-sounding voice thanked and began to sing live.

When Mikhail heard that voice, he sharply inhaled through his nose, his slightly dry lips parting.

Mikhail was not very good at describing. He could only say what he felt upon listening to Archer’s voice. Mikhail, who had been irate, was awestruck. He had never heard a voice so…. erotic. It’s not that the song itself was sexy or whatever, but there was something about that voice that made him….

'Ah.’

“Damn.” Mikhail cursed when he looked down to check his pants. “Almost.”

Mikhail heaved a deep breath to calm himself down.

'Charles Archer, was it?’

Ever since then, he became a fan of Archer. He kept this interest a secret from his colleagues; he didn’t want to hear their ribbing. He supported the singer the best he could and eventually, an opportunity arised for him to meet Archer at last.

He took a day off and even disguised himself to look as normal and harmless as possible for a man of his stature. Of course, he got his hands on a backstage pass. It wasn’t difficult to get for someone like him. He asked the staff if it was possible for him to meet the singer before the concert, because despite having taken a day off for today, Mikhail was concerned he would have to cut his holiday short. What if there was an emergency at work halfway through the concert? No, he’ll make use of this backstage pass, he would make sure he wouldn’t leave this place without meeting Archer.

At least, that’s what he thought before hearing his voice.

They were separated by the door he was about to open, but he could clearly hear an angel from behind this flimsy slab of wood. Mikhail knew from Archer’s instagram story yesterday that he was singing a song from an animated movie he just watched and he really loved it. Archer sung the song slowly, gently, as if lulling a child to sleep, and yet it did not lose its cheer.

“I’ll swim and sail on savage seas With never a fear of drowning And gladly ride the waves of life If you would marry me,

"No scorching sun nor freezing cold Will stop me on my journey If you will promise me your heart And love me for eternity,”

Oh. Oh. Mikhail covered his mouth with his hand, feeling the blood rush to his cheeks. The staff were buzzing around in preparation for the concert, but all he could hear was Archer’s voice.

“I have no use for rings of gold I care not for your poetry I only want your hand to hold I only want you near me,”

His hands were trembling–from what, he wasn’t sure. It was as if he had no control over his body. He felt parched, but at the same time, while listening to Archer, he felt so good. The best ever, after all these years. Like he was floating, higher and higher, Archer leading him by the hands, and Mikhail did not feel a shred of fear of falling.

“To love and kiss to sweetly hold For the dancing and the dreaming Through all life’s sorrows and delights I’ll keep your laugh beside me,

"I’ll swim and sail on savage seas With never a fear of drowning I’d gladly ride the waves so white If you will marry me!”

The heart he thought that had gone cold was reminding Mikhail of its presence when he heard the loud beating, as if his heart were right next his ears. His body seemed to throb achingly along with every beat.

Mikhail was brought back to earth when he felt the vibrating of his phone. It was the right decision to use the backstage pass early. He had to go back now.

'Meeting Archer will have to be moved. Again.’ Mikhail thought, changing out of the disguise in his car.

He was pissed that his work disturbed his time with Archer. Mikhail knew that after today, it wouldn’t be enough for him to just listen to his voice from a recording. He was being greedy, he knew, but he couldn’t help himself. After hearing his voice in real life, after almost seeing those mesmerizing scarlet eyes for himself, after being so close to meeting the reason he’s been sleeping well these past few months,

How could it be held against him to want more?

Mikhail had been mulling over this for a long time, but now he finally had the resolve to do so. He had enough power, he could do it.

Mikhail wanted to be with Archer.

But first, he had to go to Archer’s world.

—–

“I only want one person to play Abel.” Mikhail demanded.

The director raised an eyebrow, meeting Mikhail’s glare with a steady gaze. “I chose you because you’re a perfect fit for the role of Emilio, even though you’re a complete rookie.” Milo went back to looking at applicants for the role. “You’re in no place to make demands.” Milo retorted, disregarding the fact that Mikhail was the drama’s biggest sponsor. From the short time he’s known the man, he knew Mikhail wasn’t so unreasonable that he thought the world should bow to his whims because of money. However, he did have no qualms in using to his advantage the fear of people towards him due to the rumors of his ties to a gang.

“Archer. Archer Charles.” Mikhail took a drag of his cigarette, rudely blowing smoke to Milo’s direction, although they were on either ends of a long table so Milo didn’t mind.

Milo paused. The name that Mikhail said just so happened to be the one he was currently looking at. 'He looks…. good. A singer? Hmm.’ Archer was the one who had everything Milo was looking for in Abel. But he didn’t want to indulge that brat. He wouldn’t admit out loud that the one Mikhail recommended looked fit for the role.

“We’ll see in the auditions,” is what Milo finally said. “let them all act out a scene with you. The chosen actor for Abel should have good chemistry with Emilio’s actor.”

In contrast to what Milo predicted, Mikhail’s eyes gleamed, a slight smirk on his lips as he scoffed, “Chemistry? I’ll show you chemistry. Careful not to burn your pretty boy face,”

Milo smiled sweetly. “My my, how thoughtful of you.”

Mikhail held his cigarette in one hand, using the other to flip the director off. Milo mentally laughed at his juvenile response.

After three candidates, it was finally Archer’s turn. From the moment he entered the room, he brought with him a soothing aura and such a genuine smile that they couldn’t help but return the smile, easing the atmosphere in the room. From the corner of his eyes, Milo knew that Mikhail’s gaze never left the singer.

“You’re not being very subtle, you know?” Milo teased lowly.

“Mind your own damn business, pretty boy.” Mikhail would have snarled, but his eyes were still trained on the angelic singer in front of them, and he didn’t seem to be capable of showing a bad face in the presence of Abel. There was no way Archer couldn’t notice it, so Milo admired the way Archer didn’t seem to mind. That in itself already won him plus points; despite Mikhail’s unconcealed disinterest, the other candidates were still visibly nervous because of him. Regardless of what Archer thought of Mikhail, he didn’t outwardly show it.

Milo asked them to do two scenes–the first was a very short, simple scene compared to the others: Emilio coming home after two days and Abel comforting his touch-starved husband.

The scriptwriter was already losing her mind, soundlessly slapping the producer beside her. She spoke in a tone that was between a whisper and a squeal, “Oh my god, oh my god. They’re so perf I cannot even. They’re like, they’re like, so good together. Archer looks so soft and warm and white like rice, Mikhail is a mouth-watering dish, and together they make a complete meal!”

The second scene was not so innocent. To see how well they’d work together ad lib, they were not given any lines, just a scenario.

Abel in heat, in need of his alpha.

The judges watched, engrossed in the scene played out by the two. Archer’s wet, glassy eyes, flushed cheeks, panting and whimpering as he stared up at Mikhail, wordlessly pleading to be held. Mikhail, rigid for all but three seconds, scooped him into his arms, his unveiled desire lacing his husky voice and the almost feral look in his eyes. “I got you, babe.”

Archer went limp in his embrace, letting his whole weight be carried by Mikhail, arms reaching up to hug his neck. He rubbed his cheek against Mikhail’s neck, bare skin on bare skin, and let the words breathily escape from his mouth: “Please, dear, please, hmmm….”

At this point, the scriptwriter couldn’t hold her shrieking anymore, and so the spell was broken; Archer moved five steps away from Mikhail, who looked terribly displeased at the disturbance. “You got it! Oh honey, you’re perfect!” She stood up from her seat and enthusiastically gushed about the chemistry between the two.

The producer tugged her sleeve and reminded, “We have yet to discuss it together, keep your crazy down.” It is notable though, that the producer did not refute her words.

“Fine, let’s talk about it now. What does director think?” she turned to ask Milo.

Milo didn’t reply to her. Instead, he looked at Archer with a welcoming smile. “We start shooting next month, please call your manager in and we’ll discuss in more detail.”

The moment the cameras were rolling–no, even if they were off, sparks would still fly, that much the judges could tell. They were so perfect for the roles, they even pulled off not being cringy or awkward despite being relatively new to the acting business. It was because they complemented each other, both as themselves and the characters they portray.

Granted, Mikhail played favorites and didn’t do his best with the others trying out for the role, but what he had with Archer…. was unique. Together they were like a flame. They made anyone watching them feel like moths unable to look away from the bright and warm light, and anyone who gets too close will burn. Milo knew he struck gold with these two.

Milo looked at the innocent Archer and the devilish Mikhail. 'Poor kid. He’s not letting you go.’ Milo mentally smiled mischievously. 'Oh well, this will be fun to watch.’

—–

Bonus:

Archer, alone in a room: w h y, he was so cool, I was so flustered I couldn’t even look him in the eye, I’m so lame aaaaaahhhhh

—–

“I love it when you sing for me,” Mikhail says, his fingers tracing random patterns on his wife’s chest. “Even better when I make you sing.”

Archer shot an amused glance at his fiance, catching the man’s wandering hand on his chest because it was starting to tickle and make him shiver, and he was not about to be led into another round. Archer is determined to stand his ground this time, not to be affected by Mikhail’s seduction. It was his own stubbornness really, because it was so frustrating that he was the only one who always got flustered and unraveled.

But he has yet to learn his lesson, since he naively asked, “What’s the difference?”

Mikhail softly nips at Archer’s exposed collarbone, and Archer all but melts into a puddle when his irritatingly charming husband-to-be whispers, Mikhail’s lips against the helix of his ear: “Let’s find out, hm?”

Archer thinks to himself, 'Whatever, it’s not like he’s bad at it.’ When Archer has these kinds of thoughts, he feels even more embarrassed, and takes it out on Mikhail, the bad influence, by biting whatever part of his body Archer can reach at the moment.

And years after, as Archer reads a book on the large sofa while Mikhail naps with his head on Archer’s thicc lap, he realizes something about his husband.

Mikhail had the power to make Archer’s knees tremble in the most delightful way. He could make Archer reach the limits of his vocal range as they exercised. He could crumble Archer with a single, rare smile–a genuine smile, not a teasing grin or a provocative smirk, not that they don’t make him feel butterflies all the same.

But Archer, it belatedly dawned on him who made Mikhail that way. Archer roused the fire in Mikhail, made it hungry for him, made it want him. Archer didn’t just see it–he heard it, he felt it. Everyday, Mikhail would kiss him. He was not shy to say 'I love you’ contrary to everyone else’s expectations; he would hug Archer’s waist, bury his head on the crook of Archer’s neck, and mutter, 'I missed you’ or 'Come home soon’ when either of them became bogged with a packed schedule. Archer didn’t even know if Mikhail was conscious that he makes puppy dog eyes when doing those gestures.

Archer makes Mikhail melt.

He was notorious in the industry for the rumors of his ties to the yakuza, and it didn’t help that he looked the part and always answered ambiguously when asked. There was no media coverage about their tying the knot, perhaps thanks to Mikhail’s interference, but the people in their industry know. Most, who have never seen or worked with them together, didn’t believe it would last. They had even been worried about Archer getting hurt.

Hurt? By this defenseless, naughty, loving man?

Archer’s nails dug into the skin of his hands and assured them that his husband was not that kind of man. He smiled, but deep inside he was angry. Angry at them, but also at himself. Because once upon a time, he was scared of Mikhail too. Scared of him because of the rumors, scared of him because of his daunting build, scared of how easily Mikhail could break him, scared of how, despite all that, Mikhail was still so attractive in his eyes.

But Mikhail was gentle. Yes he was teasing and lewd, but he was always so sweet, so caring. Mikhail would cup his hands on Archer’s cheeks, staring in entertainment at how he made him blush, then kiss his pouting lips several times. And then, Mikhail would smile. His eyes curved, whatever harshness on his face melted away.

Archer still remembers the day he said yes.

Mikhail had never looked as nervous, then dumbfounded, then jubilant in a span of a minute. Mikhail grabbed him into a hug and spun him around, bursting with an unrestrained, happy laugh. If others saw Mikhail then, they would probably be weirded out and think he’s on some sort of drugs. He was never so positively expressive outside of acting out his role, and even then, most of them were directed at Archer. For Archer, it wasn’t strange at all. Mikhail slowly opens up to him for each day they are together, in the more frequent smiles, in the stories of his tattoos and the scars underneath. He knew Mikhail was only like that in front of him, and he felt so childish for feeling proud of it.

Mikhail put him back on his feet, arms still around his waist. They were forehead to forehead, eyes focused on the other pair, and Mikhail swore, “I’ll be good to you forever,”

Archer smiled. He had half the mind to think, 'Oh, he was a forever man. Such a romantic.’ He said, “I know. I’ll be good to you forever too,”

Archer ingrained in his memories the look of absolute joy and love on Mikhail.

Mikhail stirred from his nap. “Um…. hey.” the man blinked a couple of times. “Did you eat yet? Sorry, just wake me up next time.”

“It’s too early to eat, dear, it’s only been an hour. You came home in the morning, you should catch up on your sleep.” Mikhail always rushed home after an out of town job, unmindful of the jetlag and exhaustion that would follow.

“Yeah,” there was still sleep in Mikhail’s tone. Archer knew he would go back to sleep if he just closed his eyes.

“Why don’t you close your eyes?” At this point in their relationship, Archer was aware that Mikhail liked being spoiled, and he liked it even more when he could flirt like this with Archer.

“I want my goodnight kiss.” Mikhail said righteously.

Archer chuckled and bent down to place a chaste kiss on his husband’s lips.

He put a hand on Mikhail’s forehead, brushing away the stray strands of hair. “There, now go to sleep, dear.”

Mikhail hummed, evidently pleased, and obediently followed his wife’s demand.

As for whether Archer stole a kiss from his handsome sleeping husband, and whether Mikhail was actually asleep, that would be a secret they’d keep to themselves.

——

((A/N:

Q: If Mikhail is so tired since he rushed home, why are they resting on the sofa? Isn’t the bed more comfy?

A: The bed is broken. They have yet to buy a new bed because Abel wants Mikhail to learn to be more restrained. Mikhail is okay with it, since this time, he is thinking of testing the durability of the sofa, the table, the bathtub….))

Bonus:

Preparing for the wedding.

Archer: Dear, do you think I should wear a suit, or a gown?

Mikhail: Doesn’t matter.

Archer: ( • ^ • ) ?

Mikhail: I’ll be taking it off anway. ( =-= ) ✧

Archer: *sighs* I should’ve known. (〃 - 〃)

Mikhail: Wear whatever’s comfortable for you. You look beautiful in anything, even in nothing. Especially in nothing.

Archer: Mikhail! (⁄ ⁄>⁄ꇴ⁄<⁄ ⁄) … . *whispers* You too.

[phonaesthemes]

a list of asks

@padawanyugi tagged me in this, but Tumblr decided to eat any notification that I got tagged, so I’m glad I saw it on my dash because I like filling these things out. Thanks for tagging me! I may have typed A Lot.

Favorites: What types of books do you enjoy? Tell about what you’ve read recently (Or maybe about a book you hated recently!)I like spec-fic and sci-fi, although less “hard” science fiction, and I also enjoy fantasy. I read a lot of YA even though I’m in my 30s just because it seems easy to find a story I want to read and I’m not usually in the mood for dense prose.

I’ve been rereading the Wheel of Time series since it’s getting an Amazon TV show; it was my first non-LOTR fantasy series and I love it to death, warts and all, although I love joking about the weak points with other people who’ve read it. I think the last other thing I read was A Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue, which was a queer YA historical fiction, and it was a lot of fun. I wish I’d had access to all these queer stories when I was an actual teenager, but better late than never.

What types of music do you like to listen to? Share five songs from your music library. I really do like a bit of everything, although I gravitate towards certain genres more often depending on the season or time of day, so I’m going to cheat and pick 5 per season. Summer for me is lots of peppy pop (pride playlists!), punk and rock and punk-adjacent stuff, just upbeat stuff in general. -Weekender, by The Royal They -Break My Heart, by Dua Lipa -Toutes les femmes savent danser, by Loud -Ruby Soho, by Rancid -Womanarchist, by Bad Cop, Bad Cop

In the fall, my inner goth kid craves darkwave, goth rock, dramatic folk, roots rock, and also anything that reminds me of Halloween. -Iuka, by the Secret Sisters -Bela Lugosi’s Dead, by Bauhaus -How’s It Gonna End, by Tom Waits -Under the Milky Way, by The Church -I Put a Spell on You, by Screamin’ Jay Hawkins I could go on about the Christmas music I like at length (Boney M’s Christmas album slaps, ngl) but I’ll just skip that and say that I listen to more classical and piano pieces in the winter. I’m terrible at remembering names, so artists only: -Ludovico Einaudi -Chopin -Debussy -Saint-Saëns -Dvořák And in spring I’m usually just depressed af and listen to whatever. -FML, by K.Flay -Weird Part of the Night, by Louis Cole -Juodaan Viinaa, by Korpiklaani -P.O.H.U.I., by Carla’s Dreams -Marryuna, by Baker Boy

Do you have a show or movie that you can just put on anytime and it’s your comfort? Definitely Star Trek. I’ve rewatched the various iterations (except TOS) so many times. Also Mean Girls and Bring It On, idk why.

Do you have a favorite dessert? Tiramisu or creme brulée! Or macarons. I don’t eat dessert really unless I’m at a restaurant.

Do you have a favorite cold drink? Sparkling water, hands down.

Do you have a favorite game? The hours I have put into the SIms in my lifetime is probably shameful, although I haven’t played in a while. Don’t Starve is another contender for hours played, but I am also really fond everything by Amanita Design

Do you have a favorite part of your self care/beauty/health routine? I haven’t been doing it much lately since I’ve been dealing with some uncertain health issues with my joints (actually have a rheumatologist appointment later today), but savasana after a long yoga workout is borderline ecstasy.

Do you have a favorite type of take-out food? Indian for sure.

What’s your favorite type of exercise/physical activity? I have a love-hate relationship with running. I don’t actually love it but I love how I feel after. I really enjoy yoga. I love playing in the water at the beach, bodyboarding and swimming.

Pick between: (you choose the context)

Cook or bake? (I love cooking A Lot)

Space or ocean? (Hard to pick, but I grew up by the ocean and it’s 100% my happy place)

Chocolate or vanilla?

City or suburb or rural? (I grew up in an isolated rural village and I miss the quiet and the slower pace of life, but I do not miss the lack of amenities and opportunities, or the smalltown gossip. I also don’t drive bc of epilepsy, so I’m fucked as far as transport in rural settings.)

Past or future?

Shower in the morning or evening?

Mac/Apple or PC/Android? (Linux in general!)

Sing or dance?  (I don’t have an amazing voice but I can carry a tune without it being painful, and I love singing along with songs.)

Get up early or sleep in? (I actually love sleeping in but with two kids, early morning is my only time to myself, so I wake up before 6 most days AGGH.)

Shoes, socks, or bare feet? (Hate socks. I’m barefoot at home all year round.)

Marker, crayon, or pencil? Pen!

Tea, coffee, or hot chocolate? (Coffee in the morning, tea later on.)

Random questions:

Have you ever had any pets? (Had dogs and a cat as a kid, and as an adult I’ve had betta fish and cats, and I have a cat currently.)

What is your academic background/job field? I did my undergrad in linguistics, and I am currently a stay-at-home dad lol. I do freelance editing and transcription on the side. I don’t think I’ll ever work in my field bc I really don’t have the energy to go to grad school.

What’s something random that you’re into (even if you aren’t good at it)? I signed up for a Cape Breton step dancing class in university and I loved it.

Are you good at putting away your clean laundry right away? It depends on the day, but generally yes. Mine and everyone else’s. When I lived alone? Absolutely not.

What’s one of your pet peeves? Someone trying to have a conversation with me when they have the radio or TV on. I can’t follow what you’re saying if someone else is speaking! I hate having that stuff on as background noise in general.

What’s something you’re pretty good at? I’m a great cook.

What’s the most recent nice thing you bought for yourself? A new conditioner ig? lol

Can you sew? I can mend a small tear or sew on a button, but it’s been years since I did more than that.

What’s a chore you hate (or a chore you enjoy)? I hate vacuuming so much. So much. Maybe if I had a better vaccuum cleaner I wouldn’t mind it, but I just feel like I’m fighting with the stupid thing, getting caught up on its own cords, caught on furniture, can’t quiiiite reach a spot... HATE IT. I like shoveling snow sometimes, though.

Tell us a fun fact about yourself. I am 20 years older than my youngest sibling, and five minutes younger than my “oldest” sibling.

Never have I ever... Gone fishing, even though I’m from a fishing community.

What extracurriculars did/do you do in school? In high school, I played trumpet in band until the band got dissolved from lack of funding. I played soccer one year, was in a play another year. We had an art club for like a semester that I was in. In university the first time round, I did step dancing and intramural hide and seek  Second time around, I was in the linguistics club to help with assignments. (We were very much encouraged to work in pairs or groups for a lot of different classes. The only thing was that you did need to list your group members on the assignment so the prof knew who you worked with. My first morphology class in particular, we had a whole homework club where a huge portion of the class got together to work through assignments and help each other understand, and the prof would quite often show up. </tangent>

Deeper questions:

How’s your quarantine/last few months been? The cabin fever was really bad before the weather warmed up. I struggle with seasonal depression every spring, and it’s gotten much worse since we moved to Edmonton because of how long the winters are. (Snow from September to May/June? Fucccck.) It’s frankly horrifying to look at what’s going on in the US, but even though we have far fewer cases here, I’m really anxious that we’ll see another wave soon. Otherwise, I think I’ve adjusted. Home-schooling, hand-sanitizing, social distancing, masks...All feels kind of normal now, which should maybe concern me.

What do you think of human nature/society/etc.? I am like the least philosophical person you will meet so I don’t think I really have many thoughts.

What’s something you are insecure about? Writing my L2 if a native speaker is gonna read it.

What do you think is the meaning of life/reason that humans exist in the universe? I don’t think there is one, and that doesn’t bother me.

Do you think you’re better (whatever that means to you) than you used to be? Definitely. My adolescence and early adulthood was rough. I was dealing with a lot of trauma, untreated bipolar disorder, and I self-harmed for a very long time. I could not imagine making it to 30, let alone being stable and happy. I actively avoided thinking about the future because it made me spiral. But I was lucky enough to get help, consistent help from a doctor I clicked with, and it made a world of difference. I think younger me would be disappointed at how mundane my life is, but I’m thrilled to be boring because boring means no life-upending mood episodes. I have a happy partnership and two delightful kids and I couldn’t ask for more.

What are your thoughts on religion? I’m not religious and my own experience being raised in the Catholic church was frankly traumatic, but I know that it’s a source of comfort and community for many others and I think that’s awesome for them.

Do you think that there are aliens out there? I think so, although I think that we may not even know what other kinds of life to look for and may not recognize it even if we find it.

What’s something that’s been on your mind recently? We’re moving cross-country in less than a month (driving, no less, nearly 5000 km) and I still have so much to do to get ready aosjdoajdoasijdoaijsd

[transistoric]

just feeling lonely and tight-chested and worried about my future

i’m so worried i’ve not invested in myself enough lately. i’ve skipped a few days practicing german. haven’t drawn when i said to myself i would. i could barely clean my room today but mainly bc it’s so hot and my chest has been hurting.

honestly being caught up in relationships really does take a lot of energy. it’s something i’ve noticed with people and myself. people who aren’t wildly invested in their social/dating lives seem to advance a lot career and/or education or skill-wise. i feel like i honestly stagnate feeling blue and confused about whether this guy wants to talk to me even though i don’t even see him as a serious partner by any means ever. (things are fine-ish. he said he reallllly wants to go camping with me again and he might try and lie to his boss to stay longer before he goes back to south sudan so he can get more done and hang out more.) i wonder about whether i’ll have a real romantic relationship again, even though i just got out of an intense one earlier this year. like okay! I don’t want to say WHO CARES but a little bit, it’s like there’s more out there! it really is a cliche but focusing on me is a Good Idea! i know i know..it’s okay and natural to want those things. i just feel like that stuff isn’t as in my control almost. like i don’t even wanna bother with online dating it’s such a chore. i’ve only ever had relationships start organically...not that they’ve all been good idk lolll

anyway i saw on fb this girl who went abroad like me from my school to the same program in germany six years ago just moved to berlin. maybe in six years??? like her i could also be back in germany??? she said how she wrote a promise to herself that she’d be back. like GODI WISH THAT WERE ME icon. i would drop EVERYTHING to go work in germany. given the opportunity. i want to make work that matters to people. i want to advance in my skills and get my art out there. i miss my friends there (and in finland and russia and italy but i could visit them and vice versa waaay more easily) and i miss the atmosphere and the people and the buildings and land and always cooler weather. i’m so scared i don’t have the chops but i’m really working to try and see my worth more...to see that i am capable of and have accomplished things and i could do this too. we’ll see. i think journaling more often again would help too.