#I wish I had a Peter Kavinsky

[advluv4life]

Did I go on a full-on rant about Peter Kavinsky's character plot from To All the Boys 3, because I love it so much and nobody seems to appreciate it? Yes I did.

😘

Out of context, but this is it:

It upsets me (just a little bit, I don't want to be like super hung up on it though) when people watch the movies and completely disregard Peter and his feelings.

I understand the movies are about Lara Jean and honestly I relate so much to Lara Jean, but Peter's character arc, through all the films but especially the third movie.. I related a lot more to it than Lara Jean's. I feel like when I go back and watch the other two movies; when he brings up his dad, and his family, and his friendship with Gen.. I understand why in the second movie he doesn't just abandoned Gen when she was going through the same thing he went through. Because she's his friend and he's not going to just leave his friend behind. So of course it hurts when Lara Jean decides to leave him (even if she didn't intend to break up with him, that's just what it feels like when people pick other things over him). He's been left and it hurts.

I've never been anybody's first choice either. And in Peter's case he doesn't have multiple college options, he can't afford it and he doesn't have the brains to get into top colleges like Lara Jean which is why Stanford was the plan. But of course all people see is him breaking up with her because he's 'selfish' and then he wrote a sappy love letter and got her back without even trying.

Yes, Peter had stuff he had to work through. No one in these movies is perfect. Everyone has their own shit to go through and they have to come to their own realization of how they need to grow and how to care for other people and just because he's not perfect doesn't mean he's not a good guy.

So what? He's not the male version of Lara Jean, but I don't think Lara Jean needs the male version of herself to be happy. I wish had someone who was as attentive as Peter, who picks up on little things, and tries to find a solution to problems before it become more of an issue. Someone who, even when they're heartbroken that something doesn't work out for them, is more concerned with how I'm handling it. When he asked if she was okay in NY? That got me. She said she was scared to tell him and he told her that she didn't have to be scared and the next time (with NYU) she told him. At the cafe he told her they were 'good' even when he was lost, because he didn't want to cause her trouble or pain. It was only when she tried (unintentionally) to manipulate him prom night that he put his foot down and walked away. And that's his right he is his own person he has his own feelings.

He worked through his issues with his dad and they're mending their relationship and in turn he realized how to mend his relationship with Lara Jean and that's what you do. You learn through your experiences. Everything that happens in your life is interconnected. Their relationship doesn't exist in a vacuum. Lara Jean had to grow on her own through multiple films in regards to how she viewed love and the future and Peter had to grow on his own in regards to his attachment issues. They're both their own individual people who are going to grow on their own for the next four years and they'll see where they end up, but I thought it was a very good plot and I really appreciated that Lara Jean wasn't the only character in the whole movie series that mattered.

See, I said I don't want to get hung up on it and then I went on a whole rant. Sorry, not sorry lol. It's been fun. Bye.

[deckertar]

Like the 1950s. Remember, Lara Jean?

[alexandrarosa]

TO ALL THE BOYS I’VE LOVED BEFORE | PS I LOVE YOU | ALWAYS AND FOREVER (Lara Jean Song Covey & Peter Kavinsky)

COVINSKY HEADCANONS (post book) pt 2

Peter wears the character socks Lara Jean got him in Korea. He likes the ones with the tigers. Somebody made fun of them. Once

Peter wanted LJ to have their photo in her dorm. He chose a selfie they took at one party. He decorated the frame himself. Lara Jean cried when she got it

Peter was still considering transferring to North Carolina but didn’t tell Lara Jean about it. She surprised him with something better. After two years she transferred to UW. She liked North Carolina but she liked Peter more. Peter cried so much that day. LJ swears she didn’t see it

After graduating Lara Jean and Peter decide to do what they wanted years before: they move to New York

The wedding took place in the Covey’s garden. At the end of the night everybody got a colorful lantern to write a wish on, light and send into the sky. Peter and Lara Jean didn’t write anything. They had all they’ve been dreaming of

[sweetbuckybarnes]

You broke my heart, Covey

Pairings: Lara Jean Song-Covey + Peter Kavinsky

Summary: Peter's POV, after Lara Jean breaks up with him. Post-Ski Trip, the first film.

I could only watch with a broken heart as the girl I love walks away from me. It had taken me weeks, WEEKS, to realise that the feelings I had for her before the first kiss we'd ever shared (my first kiss!) had never left him.

All I wanted was for Lara Jean to turn around, run back to me, promising to listen to me and mend my broken heart.

But I know I've got no chance of ever getting her.

All because I was stupid enough to tell Gen the truth. That it's over, and I'm head over heels in love with Lara Jean.

Like I have been since the beginning of 6th grade.

I'd always known about Lara Jean, even for a brief period when we were somewhat friends. That was a time I'd never forget.

Then we shared a kiss during a game of Spin the Bottle, in a basement I can't remember, and it was the kiss that changed my idea of girls (my idea of girls had been changed when I first fell for Lara Jean).

But then Lara Jean stopped speaking, I know that Gen was involved in that - because when Lara Jean stopped speaking to me, she started hanging around with Chris - Gen's cousin and Gen started pursuing me.

All I could think about was if I had pursued Lara Jean after we'd kissed, and disregarded Gen like I should have done.

Because of Gen, I've lost the only girl I'll ever love.

I pull up in my car to my home, I've been holding tears in my eyes since Lara Jean walked away.

Picking up my duffle bag from the seat where Lara Jean usually sits, and quickly walk into the house.

My mom looks up when she hears me slam the door heavily and sees how heartbroken I look.

"Peter, darling? What's wrong?" She asks, walking over to me after telling my little brother Owen how to do a question on his homework.

One look at my mom and I instantly turned into the tiny child that needed my mother. I remembered when my dad left, how I'd held onto her and sobbed, thinking I wasn't enough.

"Lara Jean and I broke up," I sniffle, as tears start rolling down my cheeks. Even though my mom didn't know the extent of my 'relationship' with Lara Jean, but after the hot tub scenario, and the bus ride back - that felt like I was truly in a proper relationship with her.

My mom's face falls. "Peter," her soft voice making my sniffles turn into sobs. She reached up and hugged me tightly, as I gripped the back of her top, and buried my face into her neck.

"I love her, mom," I whimper, as she takes me into the living room and sits me down on the sofa. I think this is when my mom realises how real this relationship was for me.

She brings me closer. "Oh my darling," she presses multiple kisses into my hair.

I'm watching from over mom's shoulder as Owen walks towards me with a tub of ice cream. I force a smile. "Thanks, Owen,".

"Sorry you got your heartbroken," he says and walks back to do his homework. Now I wish I was as close to Owen as the Covey girls were.

[vampiregirl1797]

Hoodies & Lacrosse

Peter Kavinsky x Reader

 GIF Not Mine

 For my Masterlist, Click Here.

 Word Count: 1,566

 A/N: This one was requested by the awesome @mychemicalimagines​. I hope this is everything you imagined it to be, lovely! I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to get this done for you, but I’ve been so swamped with uni work and placement that I’ve just had no motivation for writing. But inspiration struck tonight and I decided to put it to good use.

A/N/Pt2: If you’re in to Friends and Twilight check out their imagines! The series’ are so good and addictive, I cannot recommend them enough! Leaving a link to the Masterlist HERE.

 I blinked owlishly, trying to make my eyes feel less exhausted, but it was to no avail—I’d been unable to sleep last night and I was unwilling to admit that it was because Peter had asked for his hoodie back. I’d taken it months ago, well not purposefully, he’d just left it behind one day after we’d been hanging out. I’d been chilly that night, and I figured I’d throw it on, only to discover it was the comfiest thing ever—it was huge on me and it smelled of him, and so I’d grown accustomed to how content and safe it made me feel. Obviously I hadn’t realised how much I’d grown to rely on it to sleep until last night at around three in the morning, when I realised it was the first time in months I’d gone to bed not wearing it.

 I yawned, pulled my cardigan tighter around me, and took a large gulp of the coffee I’d poured myself before leaving the house to head to school. I’d managed to drop off around five in the morning, which led to me sleeping through my first four alarms. By some grace of god, I’d made it to first period as the bell rang. I finished off my coffee, and threw the disposable cup into the recycling bin on my way out of the room—thank god I’d had the beverage as my first period had been math; I’d have definitely dozed off without it.

 ‘Hey, Y/N! Wait up!’ I paused at the sound of my best friend’s voice, mixed feelings erupting through me. Tiredness made me clingy, which Pete was used to, but I was also a little pissed being as in my mind it was his fault I was tired to begin with.

 ‘Hey, asshat’ I grumbled, wrapping my arm around his waist and melting into his comforting warmth.

 He chuckled, ‘such wonderful greetings from you, Y/N. It’s a wonder my head fits through the halls with how much you boost my ego.’

 I rolled my eyes, an involuntary smile forming on my face, ‘I’m tired, I think I got thirty minutes of sleep last night. I can’t to go home and sleep until Sunday.’

 ‘Why didn’t you sleep? Is there something on your mind?’ I felt my irrational irritation with him soften at the concern in his voice; he knew me well enough to know if I had trouble sleeping, it usually meant there was something on my mind causing my insomnia.

 ‘No, I just didn’t realise how much I’d come to rely on your hoodie until you took it away.’ I felt my lips form into a slight pout, and had I not been exhausted and as a result, needy, I would have been embarrassed.

 My head was tucked into his side, my face against his chest, and so I missed the soft, fond look that overtook his expression. I did notice the new girl giving us a look of longing and jealousy, but I ignored her. The other students would clue her in soon enough—we were friends, best, best friends. It may look like we were more due to how touchy we both were with each other, but our relationship didn’t extend beyond a deep, meaningful friendship. It had taken a while for everyone to understand it, and to stop giving us the same look the new girl was giving us now, but they learned eventually.

 ‘How about this…’ Peter’s voice bought me back to the conversation, ‘you come to my game tonight, and I’ll give you my hoodie to keep forever.’

 I bit my lip to hide my smile; it was typical Peter Kavinsky. He knew I wouldn’t miss one of his games—I was always there, rain or shine, wearing his jersey and cheering him on. But he was sweet enough to make it sound like I was doing him a favour when in reality, it was him who was doing something nice for me, by making sure I got his hoodie doing something I was planning on anyway.

 I looked up to him, ignoring how my heart fluttered when he tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear when it fell in front of my eyes, ‘you’d give up your favourite hoodie, for me to come to your game?’

 I felt my heart melt at the bashful expression that overtook his features, ‘of course I would. I mean it took me months to realise you had it anyway. Clearly it means more to you than it does to me.’

 ‘You make a good point.’ I teased, biting my lip as I thought and missing the way his eyes followed the movement, ‘okay, if you’re really okay with it, you have a deal.’

 ‘Awesome.’ He grinned, and I found myself subconsciously beaming back at him, powerless to not return his happiness.

 //

 ‘Come on, Peter!’ I mumbled under my breath, the tension in the air palpable and affecting everyone, it was as if we were all holding our breath in anticipation, ‘you’ve got this!’

 Peter ran forward, passed the defence and took his shot at the goalie. It was so quiet I could hear the puck hitting the back of the net and I was unable to hold back my cheer of happiness, which seemed to snap everyone else out of their shock and they joined me. Brown eyes found mine and I felt my heart skip a beat as he unclipped his helmet, tucked it under his arm and made his way over to me, easily bypassing the rest of the audience who’d flooded the pitch. I felt my heart beat pick up and by the time my best friend reached me, my heart was pounding against my ribs. He was watching me with such intensity, that it made my knees feel weak. His beautiful brown eyes were soft with an emotion that I couldn’t identify, as well as fondness, happiness and determination. I had no idea what to expect when he finally joined me on the stands, but when he tossed his helmet aside, and placed both of his hands on my cheeks, I knew that everything was about to change. And when his lips met mine in a tender, tentative kiss, I threw my arms around his neck and succumbed to it. It was meant to be, and I was powerless to fight the passion, and the intensity that moved between us. But more importantly, I didn’t want to.

 //

 Third Person POV

 Daisy Hank didn’t know what to think when she attended her second day of school. It seemed that there was a buzz in the air from the moment she walked through the doors, as if something had happened and everyone was talking about it. She felt a nervous knot form in her stomach, worried that it was somehow about her, but after a few deep breaths and reassurances it dissipated. There was no way it could be about her; she’d only started yesterday and she hadn’t spoken to anyone for long enough for her to accidentally reveal anything embarrassing.

 She frowned and walked to her locker, trying to focus her hearing to pick up what was going on from the group of girls that were gossiping next to her locker. She opened it up and pretended to search for something as she managed to get close enough to listen in.

 ‘Is it true? Peter and Y/N are actually together?’ one of the girls murmured, Daisy didn’t know any of their names, but she could easily hear the disappointment in her voice.

 ‘Yup, apparently it happened last night at the lacrosse game. He scored the winning game and ran on the stands to kiss her.’ This girl sounded dreamy, and Daisy felt herself instinctively relax a little at the absence of aggression in her tone.

 ‘It was like a Cinderella Story. So romantic.’ The third girl mirrored the second’s tone and even sighed.

 ‘So unfair. Kavinsky is the most attractive guy at this school, now what—‘ the first girls bitterness was cut off by an elbow to her abdomen.

  Daisy frowned, until she followed their gaze and saw the aforementioned couple walking down the hall. They were in the same position as yesterday; her arm around his waist, his over her shoulders and her face tucked against his chest. And yet, there was a definite change between them, Daisy noticed. Maybe it was because Y/N was wearing a hoodie that was obviously his, or because he now had her backpack slung over his shoulder along with his own, or maybe it was the soft, fond and loving way they looked at each other. But either way, a change was definitely there, and Daisy once again found herself wishing that she had someone who looked at her the way they were observing each other, just like she had yesterday when she’d first laid eyes on them. Except now, she only wanted it more, because unlike yesterday the love and affection they had for each other was radiating from them without restriction. It was as beautiful as it was mesmerising and Daisy released a dreamy sigh of her own as she slammed her locker shut at the sound of the school bell. As she made her way to English, she hoped one day, she would find someone who loved her like that.

[collecting-stories]

Worst of You - Peter Kavinsky

A/N: Got this idea from the song Worst of You by Maisie Peters. I love Peter in the movie but book Peter is kind of a douche honestly. 

\\\

“Kavinsky!” Someone shouted from the kitchen, their voice shocking you enough that you flinched as you looked up from the book you were reading, eyes running across the crowd of teens to find Peter. Gen was on his arm, one of her friends trailing behind with a date who didn’t look familiar enough to matter. You watched him greet friends, that same bright smile on his face. The one he’d worn yesterday while you were trying to explain the World Lit assignment to him. You were only at this party because he had invited you.

You had been waiting anxiously for him to finally show up, a million thoughts distracting you from the book you were trying to read. What would he wear? How would he look? Good, like always, irresistible even. You wanted to look disinterested in his arrival. Find someone that you could talk to so that you could pretend you hadn’t spent hours debating outfits and going over imaginary conversations in your head. What would you say to him? Would he approach you without Gen on his arm or would you just be a passing nod or wave as he commanded the crowd?

Some brushed passed you as they made their way into the living room and the thick of the party. The red cup they carried sloshed alcohol over the rim and the sight had your mind focusing in on the thought that maybe beer would help with the nerves you were trying to combat. You hadn’t wanted to be drunk when Peter showed up but now, he was here so what was the harm? You couldn’t embarrass yourself more than you felt like you already were, standing in the kitchen waiting for the most popular boy in school, who was ‘madly in love’ with his girlfriend, to notice you. An insignificant, nobody who was good at tutoring but not at talking to people.  

“Can I get some of that?” You asked, crowding in beside some of the guys from the lacrosse team as they linger around the keg that had been brought in. One of them looked at you as if he’d never seen you before and you wished you could write that off as him being already drunk.  

“Yeah, man, here! Fill up!” Another practically shouted, grabbing a cup for you and filling it almost to the rim. You took the cup gratefully and gulped some down as the guys around you cheered, clearly excited by the prospect of some nice-looking girl chugging a 16oz cup of beer. Cheap beer. Gross beer. But you chugged until the cup was full and then asked for another.  

Three drinks in and you were feeling the fog. Giggling at anything anyone said as you stood in the kitchen. The lacrosse boys that had been filling your cup seemed to find you increasingly interesting and vice versa. You were leaning against one of them, laughing as another told a joke you honestly couldn’t comprehend in your stupor. You weren’t completely far gone but enough so that you weren’t feeling so anxious anymore and when Peter entered the kitchen to grab drinks for himself and Gen you didn’t even notice. Not until he was approaching you, reaching his hand out and grabbing your arm to pull you out of the group of lacrosse players.

“Can I talk to you?” It was posed as a question but there was nothing in his tone to suggest you had the opportunity to reject his request. He pulled you out the kitchen door onto the back patio that was dimly lit. The handmade, poster-board sign that someone had taped to the door strictly forbid the use of it but Peter ignored that as he steered you somewhere more private.  

Whoever was sober enough to remember it tomorrow would mention, somewhere in their recount of the party, that Peter had pulled you aside but hopefully it would die out as just a small detail that was inconsequential. Meeting accidentally in the line for the bathroom or at the keg or in a hallway was one thing, it could be easily excused as him being nice. But this was something else. This wasn’t just being nice.

“What Peter?” The excitement and anticipation of seeing him had worn off and the edge the fourth drink was giving you was making you a little snarkier than usual. And why not. Here he was, at a party with Gen, as usual, and here you were, desperately waiting for him to notice you at the party. But you were always going to just be the girl that he noticed, that he waved to or winked at or nodded to when no one else was looking. Not good enough for public and the fourth drink was well aware of that.

“What are you doing with those guys? They’re total losers.”

“They’re your friends.”

“Yeah, so don’t you think I know that they are? Come on, don’t get mixed up in that. They aren’t any good.” He ran a hand through his hair in frustration.  

He knew you would be here tonight and when he walked in you were the first person he looked for, even with Gen’s hand anchoring him to the living room. And now, now that he had finally escaped her grip, he was standing here across from you on the patio after pulling you away from a group of guys. Any of them would have been happy to take you out, to spend the rest of the night with you while they got drunker and drunker and you got drunker and drunker.  

“Oh and you are?” You questioned. Four drink you was ballsy. “You’re here with Gen.”

“She’s my girlfriend. What am I supposed to do?”

“I’m not doing this tonight Peter.” You couldn’t tell if you were getting all your words across the way you wanted to. There was a haze between your brain and your mouth that you couldn’t quite shake off.

“Come on, please.” Peter grabbed your arm, stopping you from reentering the kitchen. “Please.”

“I don’t wanna do this tonight.”

“I know, I know. I’m sorry.” He apologized, pulling you back toward him, hands on your hips as he leaned in close. “I want to be here with you trust me. I wish it was us out there together. That I could kiss you with everyone watching but...not yet, just give me a little more time.”

“I don’t know-”

“Please, I’m begging you. It’s you, I swear. I don’t care about Gen anymore, it’s just you. I just need time, I wanna do this right, I don’t want to hurt anyone.”

You had heard the same line a million times over. That he wanted to ‘do this the right way’ and he didn’t want to ‘hurt anyone’. Drunk, tipsy, high, sober, you’d heard it repeated a million times and you said to yourself every day when you had to watch them together in the halls or in class. It meant nothing, just empty words he said to string you along and convince you that he wasn’t a massive douche for not breaking up with his girlfriend when he was seeing you on the side.

“Please?” He asked again, kissing you this time. A risk but one he knew would pay off. Because you could make a million excuses out of that risk. He’d been willing to kiss you at the party even if it was on the back patio where no one could see him. He’d been willing and didn’t that mean something?

You really wanted it to.

“I’m gonna go.” Suddenly the allure of the party was gone and you couldn’t remember why you thought it was a good idea to come here in the first place.

“Can I come over tonight?” He asked, not quite letting you go yet.

“Okay.” You nodded and just like that you the excuses were running through your head. A million and one reasons why Peter Kavinsky was worth all the trouble.  

-

My second To All the Boys fic ever.

[allthingsfangirl101]

Passing Notes Part 2–– Peter Kavinsky

Part 1

I walked into school the next day, unable to stop the smile from forming when I saw Peter leaning against my locker. He sent me a weird face as we made eye contact, making me laugh.

I walked up to my locker, laughing when I noticed Peter purposefully blocking it. "Peter," I sighed teasingly.

"What?" He asked, faking innocence. I sent him a look that made him break. He dramatically stepped aside so I could get to my locker.

As I was putting books away and grabbing others, I felt Peter standing behind me. I gasped when he wrapped his arms around my waist and leaned his chin on my shoulder.

"What are you doing?" I laughed.

"A new guy on my team is checking you out and I don't like it," he whispered. I laughed but instantly stopped.

Peter doesn't have to keep his teammates away from you. They already avoid you like the plague.

I cleared my throat as I unwrapped his arms from me. "He probably wasn't," I mumbled. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Peter studying me, a hurt expression on his face.

I closed my locker and turned around to see Peter still studying me. "What?" I asked.

"He was, Y/N."

"Yeah, right." I laughed, rolling my eyes. I tried to walk to class, but Peter stopped me.

"His name is Jake. He made the team this year. Whenever he sees you at practice or our games, he asks me about you and what your deal is."

"My deal?" I scoffed. "You don't have to lie to me, Peter. I doubt any guy on your team would check me out."

I walked a few steps away from him before he caught up to me. "Y/N, stop." He grabbed my hand and spun me around. His eyes bore into mine like he was trying to read my expression.

With his hand still wrapped around mine, he reached in his back pocket and took out a folded piece of paper. I looked down and read my name written on the top in Peter's handwriting.

"This is for you," he whispered. I looked up at him before looking back down at the note. I hesitated before grabbing it from him.

When I looked back up at him, his note in my hand, he leaned down and pressed a kiss to my cheek. Peter pulled away and just looked at me before turning on his heel and walking to class.

I bit back a smile as my cheek burned where he kissed it. My stomach dropped when I saw Gen glaring at me. I shoved the folded note into my pocket before putting my head down and scurrying off to class.

                       * * * * *

The next few days, Peter kept handing me notes, slipping them into my backpack, or dropping them on my desk as he walked by. Every time he did, it seemed like Gen was always there, watching us.

And she was pissed.

I was sitting at lunch, trying to avoid Gen's murderous glare, when someone sat in front of me, making me jump.

"You've been abnormally jumpy lately," Peter laughed. His smile fell when he saw me picking at the wrapper on my waterbottle. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," I stuttered. I looked over his shoulder to see Gen still glaring at me.

"Y/N, what are you. . ." He followed my gaze to see Gen glaring at me. She instantly smiled and waved when he looked at her. Peter turned back towards me, his jaw clenched.

"What did she say to you?" He asked through gritted teeth.

"She didn't say anything," I stuttered.

"Bullshit."

I opened and closed my mouth, not able to form words. "Y/N, what did Gen say to you?"

"She didn't say anything," I stuttered. I wasn't technically lying. She didn't say anything to me.

His eyes widened when he made the connection. "That note. The note that I found in your notebook the other day. Gen wrote that, didn't she?"

When I didn't answer, his face fell. "She wrote that to you. Why would she write that?"

"You'd know better than I would," I mumbled. I looked up, biting my bottom lip.

The rest of lunch, Peter didn't say anything. He ate his lunch, barely looking at me. I knew he wasn't mad at me. Instead, he was probably wondering how he didn't see what Gen was doing to me. I wanted to say something, to tell him that everything was okay, but I couldn't think of a way to phrase it that would make him feel better.

I bit my lip when I felt Peter reach over and grab my hand. I looked at him as he stood up and left the table. I sighed, my heart sinking into my stomach the farther he walked away. I looked down to see Peter had left a note in my hand.

* * * * *

I didn't see Peter for the rest of the day. I looked for him but didn't find him until I saw him walking to practice when I was walking out to my car. He sent me a smile before disappearing into the boy's locker room.

I spent the rest of the afternoon doing my homework. After dinner, I went back upstairs and started slowly getting ready for bed. I took a shower and changed into a pair of soffee shorts and one of Peter's lacrosse t-shirts I stole from him.

I walked out of the bathroom, brushing my hair when my phone started ringing. "Hello?"

"Hey." Peter's voice came softly through the speaker. "Look, I wanted to talk to you about lunch."

"You don't have to say anything," I sighed.

"I wanted to apologize for walking away. Truth is, I went over to talk to Gen."

"You did what?" I stuttered.

"I had to, Y/N. That note. . ." I heard him sigh, my heart breaking. "Anyway," he cleared his throat. "I'm sorry I left you."

"It's okay, Peter." I quickly added, "Thank you for standing up for me."

"I'll always stand up for you, Y/N. You know that."

"I do know that," I smiled.

There was a little silence between us. I sat down on my bed, leaning against the headrest. I was about to say something when he beat me to it.

"So?" He cleared his throat, releasing the sudden tension between us. "I never got your answer."

"What answer?" I sighed as I tucked my knees up to my chest, balancing the phone between my ear and my shoulder.

"Your answer to the note I gave you at lunch today." When I didn't respond he added, "You read the note. . . Right?"

I couldn't respond.

"Have you read any of them?" He asked, his voice softer than it was before.

I didn't respond again, embarrassed to admit that I never read his notes.

"Do you still have them?" He asked, his voice breaking slightly. "The notes? Do you still have the notes, Y/N?"

"Yes," I said instantly.

"I'm coming over."

"Wait, Peter. . ." But he had already hung up. "Shit."

I paced across my room, nervous for Peter's arrival. I looked at the gift box on my desk that was full of Peter's folded unread notes. Whenever he gave them to me, I instantly put them away, just like I did with Gen's notes.

I didn't do it for the same reason, obviously. Gen's notes were written to insult me, to hurt me. I know Peter would never do anything like that. Peter's notes were written to lift me up, to help me. But I still couldn't bring myself to read them. Before I could wonder why I didn't read them, I heard the door open and the sound footsteps running up the stairs.

I slowly turned around, Peter standing in my doorway. "Where are they?" He asked, his voice soft.

I turned around and pointed at the small box on my desk. I bit my lip as he shut my bedroom door and walked towards my desk. He grabbed the box and put it on the edge of my bed.

I felt guilty as he tossed the lid to the side and stared down at all his notes. He looked up at me, hurt in his eyes.

"You never read them?" He asked, slowly. "Any of them?"

I opened and closed my mouth, unable to form any words.

"Why?" His voice breaking slightly. "Why didn't you read them, Y/N?"

"I. . . I don't know," I said slowly. I turned away and looked down at my feet, tears streaming down my cheeks. I tried to stop the tears when his shoes appeared in front of my bare feet.

Peter reached forward and used his finger to lift my chin. He smiled at me before grabbing my hand and leading me over to my bed, gently sitting me down.

"What are you doing?" I whispered.

"Well, since you didn't read them, I'm going to read them to you."

"Peter," I tried to object.

"Please, Y/N." He looked at me causing my breath to get caught in my throat. I nodded, biting my lip. He smiled as he let go of my hand and reached into the box grabbing one of his notes. I sat on the edge of my bed, the box next to me as Peter stood, reading each one of them to me.

You're smile looked extra bright today.

It was awesome watching you in calc today, dominating that problem. How did you get so smart?

Can't imagine what my life would be like if we hadn't met that day in second grade. And I wouldn't want to know.

Do you remember in seventh grade when I spilled Koolaid on you at lunch and you wore my hoodie all day? I love seeing you in my sweatshirts. You should wear them more.

You're amazing.

Honesty time. The thought of not having you in my life scares me.

What would I do without you?

Jake was staring at you again. Promise me you'll never leave me for a freshman. Promise me you'll never leave me, period.

You're my best friend in the whole world. I wouldn't be okay if I lost you.

Gen is nothing compared to you. I wish she would leave us alone.

If I'm not focused on the game on Saturday, I blame you. You always distract me.

You messed me up at practice. Told you. Your smile blinded me.

You may mess me up, but I love looking into the stands and seeing you nervously biting your nails.

You always know how to make me smile. Without fail.

How are you so beautiful?

Do you even know how much you mean to me? A lot. That's how much.

I love having a best friend as smart as you.

I don't know what I would do without you in my life.

I'm sorry for what Gen has been doing with those notes. (Yes, I know about the other ones. No, I'm not mad at you for not telling me. And yes, I am furious with Gen. I don't want her anywhere near you. Or us.)

He stopped reading them and slowly looked up at me, one note left unread. He lifted it so I could see it and said, "This is the note I gave you at lunch today. You need to read it."

I hesitated before grabbing the note from him. After a moment of hesitation and staring at my name written carefully in Peter's handwriting, I unfolded the note.

I took a shaky breath before reading out loud, "I have a confession to make, Y/N. A secret that I've kept to myself for a long time. Too long."

I looked up at him, scared to keep reading. My mind went all over as I thought about what secret he could have been keeping from me.

"Keep reading, Y/N." He said smiling, slightly smirking, at me.

I took a deep breath before reading, "The truth is Y/N, that I'm. . ."

I stopped reading when my eyes jumped ahead of my reading. I looked up at Peter watching me closely. He continued to smile at me as he walked in front of me, grabbed my hands and made me stand up.

"The truth is Y/N, that I'm in love with you," he recited, finishing the note.

He took the note out of my hands and put it next to the others, without looking away from me. He grabbed my hands and pulled me closer to him.

Peter looked at our hands, finally looking away from me. "Y/N," he whispered. "I have been in love with you since I knew what love was. In fact, you made me understand what it felt like to be in love. Why do you think I always sit with you at lunch and not my team? Why do you think I would rather have binging marathons with you instead of going to parties on the weekend? Why do you think I'd rather have you stay with me than be home by yourself? Why do you think I follow you around, ready to protect you from anything or anyone that might hurt you?"

"Because you're my best friend?"

Peter sent me a playful glare before quickly replacing the glare with his signature smile. He stepped closer to me, reaching up and cupping my cheek in his hand.

"Because I love you," he whispered.

I held my breath as he started to lean in. I closed my eyes as he pressed his lips to mine. It didn't take me long to start kissing him back. His hand that was holding my cheek moved to the back of my neck, deepening the kiss.

Peter was the first to pull away, leaning his forehead against mine. I chewed on my bottom lip, trying to wrap my head around his notes and his confession.

He leaned away, slowly reaching up to tuck a piece of hair behind my ear. I smiled as his hand lingered on my cheek.

"So? I never got your answer," he smirked, repeating what he said on the phone before all of this started. I smirked as I stood on my toes and pressed a kiss to his lips.

"I love you too."

[sweeterthankarma]

Writing Tag Game!

I was tagged by @ghostcat3000 💛

Tagging @bensschwartz, @hallo-catfish, @xiangyu, @probablymyalgic, & @johnisntevendead (but no pressure!)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

275. How?!? (I write primarily short-ish one-shots, but like, still. How?!?)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

462,072. That seems like both a lot and not much at all.

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1) California Never Felt Like Home To Me (Until I Had You On the Open Road)

(To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, Peter Kavinsky/Lara Jean Song-Covey, 2.1K, Rated G): https://archiveofourown.org/works/15779202

It’s summer, and Peter invites Lara Jean onto his family’s vacation to San Francisco a week before they go. She pokes fun at him because it’s so last minute and he’s always forgetting about things until right before they’re about to happen, but then she finds out that he’d only just convinced his parents to let them go alone, and now it’s entirely different.

2) You Are the Best Thing (That’s Ever Been Mine)

(Atypical, Casey Gardner/Izzie Taylor, 5K, Rated T): https://archiveofourown.org/works/25397293

Tori22ferrante requested, “5 times Izzie refers to Casey as ‘her girl’ and 1 time Casey does it for her.”

3) Don't Need a Ring for My Finger, Just Need a Steady Hand to Hold

(Sense8, Kala Dandekar/Wolfgang Bogdanow/Rajan Rasal, 1K, Rated G): https://archiveofourown.org/works/18231296

It’s Wolfgang, observant through Kala’s eyes while he shaves in the bathroom upstairs, who finally urges her to ask Rajan what he’s thinking about. “Marriage,” he responds simply and almost immediately. Nonchalant, he sets down the paper like the word he’d just uttered doesn’t hold the intense amount of weight that it most certainly does.

4) The Morning After (Is Both the Hardest and the Sweetest Part)

(Sense8, Kala Dandekar/Wolfgang Bodganow/Rajan Rasal, 2K, Rated T): https://archiveofourown.org/works/15154799

Thinking of her love and her husband as being the “same” in any sense is strange, and looking towards the bed, seeing them lying close, breathing slow, is even stranger. Kala's stomach churns, both hunger and anxiety, and she wishes she was still asleep, oblivious and unaware of the mess she’s gotten herself into.

5) Give Me a Museum & I'll Fill It With Our Love

(The Good Place, Eleanor Shellstrop/Tahani Al-Jamil, 1.6K, Rated G): https://archiveofourown.org/works/14206125

“Seems chill, I’d bang him,” Eleanor says while staring up at a portrait of an eighteenth century, heavily bearded man. “Eleanor, please, I’m trying to educate you,” Tahani says, smoothing her dress and giving her a pointed look. Eleanor smiles up at her, bright and innocent, and it’s all softness underneath Tahani’s irritated facade when she meets the gaze of those blue eyes.

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Probably this canon-adjacent Wyndolls fic, It's Lonely Where You Are (Come Back Down; I Won't Tell Them Your Name) (https://archiveofourown.org/works/16163222)

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

I write so much fluff...but something about the softness of Even & Isak in Shimmery & Golden (https://archiveofourown.org/works/27531607) and Come Run Your Hands Through My Hair (Cause That's Why It's There) (https://archiveofourown.org/works/28786659) live rent free in my mind, as the kids say.

7. Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I do! My Kind of Party is basically just horny crack treated seriously, and I had so much fun basically throwing all caution to the wind while writing it. (https://archiveofourown.org/works/18690400)

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yep.

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

LOL yes. Clearly. Lots of kinds. Usually the kind that ends up hopelessly romantic or at least with the tiniest bit of feelings, no matter how much I’m trying to avoid that for the sake of angst or pure horniness.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of! If anyone ever sees that happen, please report it and let me know.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! The Morning After (Is Both the Hardest and the Sweetest Part) has been translated into Russian, which is so cool! Here’s the link to the original-- https://archiveofourown.org/works/15154799 -- and the translation: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15522618.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! @bensschwartz and I wrote a sweet, angsty little Iggymartin thing, I’ll Be Scared (So By the Time You Wake I’ll Be Brave): https://archiveofourown.org/works/32370229

13. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I hate to say it...but Second Curse, Worse Than the First (https://archiveofourown.org/works/13378377/chapters/30639954). The Wynonna Earp fandom has since moved on from the plot of season 2, and so have I. Also, most of the Wyndolls shippers have seemed to move on overall, which won’t stop me from still writing them, but probably just from writing this particular fic. And also, if I’m honest? I have no idea where this fic was even going to go. I did not plan it out at all

14. What are your writing strengths?

Diving into character’s feelings. Details. Feeling the scene deeply as I write it.

15. What are your writing weaknesses?

Diving too much into a character’s feelings so that I tell rather than show. Unintentional repetition. Feeling the scene so much that I don’t approach it from a writing standpoint, and then it gets muddled; I know what I’m trying to say, but everyone who reads it gets bits and pieces.

16. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I love to throw it into my Skam, Sense8, and BTS fics-- especially for Maxel!-- but I feel like I’m incorrect 99% of the time with my translations. Google Translate can only get me so far. I accept that fate.

17. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Sonny with a Chance, in like, 2009. I don’t have any of the fic anymore, but it existed.

18. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

It’s so hard to choose, but Drugs & Money (I Can Hear the Birds Sing) is a SKAM fic I was sure people were going to eat up, and it didn’t get as much attention as I expected. It’s a fun one for sure, and though I don’t know what more I could say in this AU, sometimes I consider jumping back into this verse for a minute just to see what else this version of Evak is up to. Definitely  more crime. https://archiveofourown.org/works/26006290

[retvenkos]

heart pt. 2 // john ambrose mcclaren

To All The Boys: P.S. I Still Love You - One-Sided John Ambrose McClaren x Lara Jean, One-Sided John Ambrose McClaren x Reader, slight fluff, slight angst

requested

Summary: For one moment, you eyes lingered on your phone. John Ambrose had gone to hang out with Lara Jean and a few old friends at the old treehouse they used to haunt in their youth. He had been nervous about it for days prior, and you had joking told him to text you and S.O.S. if he needed an out. You were almost certain he wasn’t going to take you up of your offer, but for the last hour you had the inexplicable feeling that he would. What was it? Intuition? Desire?

pt. 1

Part of you wanted to pull away from John Ambrose McClaren the moment he expressed that his heart did not belong to you. It was the sensible part of you, perhaps - the part of you that was self preserving and knew that nothing good could come from lingering near a boy who had the potential to break your heart into dozens of tiny pieces. But, another part of you - evidently, the more persuasive part - begged you to stay by his side, despite what would come.

You hadn’t known Lara Jean Covey for a long time. You no longer went to school with her or even lived nearby. You hadn’t seen her since sixth grade, when she and John were attached at the hip. You had no idea what she was like, but some nights, you would stay up late, concocting stories about what she was like.

You figured she was a cheerleader or some athletic type. Who else had the confidence to send a love letter to a boy she hadn’t seen in literal years? 

Yes. You were sure of it. Lara Jean Covey was the complete opposite of your John Ambrose, and because of that, their relationship could only progress in one of who ways:

1. John Ambrose meets her, realizes how much she had changed, and is immediately shocked. Being the gentleman that he is, he’d try to disregard how different she is from the last time they had spoken. Things would go badly as they tried and failed to reconnect, and they would eventually part ways, John disappointed at getting his hopes up. You would console him while he was an emotional wreck, saying he was too good for her, anyway, and you would mean it more than he understood. OR,

2. The two meet and it’s the perfect combination of opposites attracting and having enough history and vague similar interests to sustain the perfect relationship. John Ambrose would be head over heels for the girl who had been an old friend, once, and a new love interest, now. They would move fast, and eventually you would be left giving him recommendations for date spots and giving him pep talks. You’d always be at his side, but farther away now that he had someone else to fill his days.

Was it wrong for you to prefer the former?

Not that you wanted John Ambrose to be heartbroken. You knew what it felt like to get your hopes up for nothing and wouldn’t wish it on him for a moment. But would you be able to stomach the two of them together, when push came to shove? Would you be able to drift away from John Ambrose, knowing it was for your love of him, that you held him at bay?

You sat on your floor with a notebook open in front of you, waiting to be filled, but found yourself unwilling to create anything on the blank page. You sighed and popped in your headphones, turning up the music so as to drown out the conflicting voices in your head.

For one moment, you eyes lingered on your phone. John Ambrose had gone to hang out with Lara Jean and a few old friends at the old treehouse they used to haunt in their youth. He had been nervous about it for days prior, and you had joking told him to text you and S.O.S. if he needed an out. You were almost certain he wasn’t going to take you up of your offer, but for the last hour you had the inexplicable feeling that he would. What was it? Intuition? Desire?

You sighed at your hopelessness and turned back to your empty page.

You worked, your head bobbing to the music only you could properly hear, your face settled in a concentrated sort of frown, and when someone knocked on your bedroom door, you didn’t hear them.

Knock knock.

You erased what you had just put down on the page, twirling the pencil in your hand like a baton.

Knock knock.

You smiled as one of your favorite songs came on, reminding you of memories with John Ambrose - walking to the mall in the summer because neither of you had a car and wandering through the stores, not having enough money to buy anything of value. You would always end up at the vending machines at some point, and John always seemed to have just enough quarters in his pockets to get you both something without having to break the single, crumpled dollar bill he had with him. The summer’s top 100 always seemed to play on loop, there, and while the songs were synthetic pop, and not always to your taste, it reminded you of him.

Bing!

The sound of your phone cut through the music, catching your attention and pulling you back to the present. You stretched to reach your phone and dragged it back to you, unlocking it with practiced ease.

from: johnny (12:04 p.m.) S.O.S.

You immediately stood up, disregarding your notebook on the floor as you snapped to attention. Looking for a pair of shoes you could slip on, you typed out a next.

to: johnny where r u?

Bing! He was quick to answer you back.

from: johnny Outside your door.

You pulled out your earbuds and unlocked your door, swinging it open.

John Ambrose stood on the other side of your doorframe, his hands holding his phone tightly. He smiled, but it didn’t meet his eyes. “I see you got my text.”

“What’s wrong?”

You allowed him in and he sat in your desk chair, careful to avoid stepping on your current project that lay abandoned on the floor. He was already comfortable in your space, and if it weren’t for the look on his face, your mind would have dwelled on that thought.

“How was the treehouse?” You tried again, and you saw him stiffen at the comment.

John Ambrose opened his mouth, but hesitated before speaking, as though trying to find the right sentiment. “Eventful,” he eventually said.

Oh?

One of your eyebrows shot up and he sighed. You knew the feeling. Usually it was you who had a complete lack of words for what happened in the world around you, but this time, it was him. It was puzzling, really.

John Ambrose McClaren always seemed to understand everything - it was his super power, really. There was no situation too dificult, no problem beyond comprehension. John could figure everything out - he always had. When you didn’t understand it, he did. That had always been part of your dynamic - there was nothing that the two of your couldn’t sleuth when given the time and proper motivation.

But matters of the heart were never quite so simple as everything else. You knew that better than anything. Sometimes, there was no clear answer.

John averted his eyes, turning his body to the opposite wall, trying again. “Lara Jean apparently has a boyfriend.”

“What?”

“And old friend, too - Peter Kavinsky.”

You blinked furiously, your head shaking back and forth. After a moment, you moved to better see John’s face, to gauge his reaction to finding out. 

He was staring at your wall, blankly, his eyes seeing right through the pictures you had put up, there, most of them containing the two of you in various stages of your lives. You wondered what he was thinking, but he was in his own world, now, one where he probably relived every moment he had spent misreading signals from the girl he had always had a crush on. He had been convinced that she liked him back - how could he have gotten it so wrong?

“I’m sorry.” On instinct, you walked over to him and sat down of the ground next to his chair, resting your head against his knee.

For a minute or so, he was quiet. When he eventually spoke, his voice was thick with emotion. “I thought I had a chance, y’know?”

You nodded and hugged his calves, the only part of his that you could easily reach for your place on the ground. You hoped it conveyed the same sweetness as an actual embrace, something that could comfort him they way he had always comforted you.

“Why would she send me that letter if she was already involved with Kavinsky?” He shook his head, as though trying to clear it of cobwebs so that he might be able to understand. “Why even write it?”

He asked valid questions - ones you didn’t know the answer to.

“Even if she thought I would never receive it, why address it to me? Why write something like that?”

Your mind went back to the writing that Lara Jean had left on that love letter to John Ambrose. You considered her words - so sincere, so brave. They were really quite puzzling, especially for not having meant them. But... no... She had to mean it. Otherwise, why write it? What did she have to gain from making love letters that didn’t mean anything? From what you had heard, Lara Jean only had a lot to lose - a boyfriend and now, an old friend.

But, if that letter did mean something, why send it now? What did she have to gain by making John Ambrose McClaren believe that he had a chance with her?

Lara Jean was only losing, in the end.

You knew that John Ambrose was worth losing everything, for. Did she?

“Feelings aren’t always rational, I guess.” You spoke, you eyes ahead, looking at the photos of your life, with John Ambrose always at your side. You didn’t notice him looking at you, then, and if you had, it would have only given more stock to your words. “Loving the people you do doesn’t always make sense.”

“You sound as though your talking from experience, (Y/n).”

You looked at John Ambrose, gazing deep into his eyes; you could see everything you loved about in reflected in their depths - his compassion, his cleverness, his talent, his love. You smiled, dipping your head in a nod, as if allowing him in on one of your best kept secrets. 

“Yeah, I am.”

[tulipfarm]

My review of To All the Boys: P.S. I Still Love You

i will not include spoilers from the book, for those of you who haven’t read the series. but just know, the book was soooo much better. and you should read it!

strongest aspects

the cinematography! it’s always so pretty and stunning. i really had to play some scenes back just to appreciate the beauty. and after watching the movie, i was so excited to see all the gifsets many talented content creators would create for this movie

lana’s chemistry with both noah and jordan. like, damn. relax??? they don’t make it easy for me to choose. i’m covinksy trash but the gazes from john ambrose??? i swoon!

of course, the honorable mention to lara jean’s style (as always). no one can beat it. everyone else can go home.

weakest aspects

the plot. i was afraid this would happen. it’s missing a lot of key points from the book and im not even sure what was the driving force. the movie felt rushed and the build up was choppy. kind of anticlimactic, compared to the book. i was disappointed (but regardless, i still loved watching it. must a movie be good for it to be enjoyable?)

character development outside of lara jean. i wanted more of kitty. more of chris. more of lucas. i feel like they had more purpose in tatbilb 1, but now? they’re just kinda there? but there was some slight development with gen, i guess

john ambrose & peter kavinsky. i’m not gonna say much, but john ambrose was supposed to be a much bigger character than he was in the movie. a bigger storyline. a bigger impact. a bigger click. nothing. nada. and peter? he’s great, but so, how do i say this? one-dimensional? we didn’t see many layers to him. not like we did in the first film. where was the jealousy?? barely any!!!

the dialogue. i mean, there are so many great quotes from the book that i was just dying to hear, and then, they just... didn’t say them!! don’t get me wrong, the script was cute and all, but i so badly wanted those iconic lines. ya know? for example: “let’s do it fucking for real, lara jean. let’s go all in. no more contract. no more safety net.” how could they miss THAT?

but to end on a high note: my favorite parts!

jordan fisher as john ambrose is a DREAM. whoever casted him is a genius! a goddamn genius!

lara jean and peter’s dates with the wish-making laterns and at the carnival were done so beautifully. i’m reblogging every gifset.

john ambrose + lara jean sitting together at the piano as he plays gave me all the feelings!! i had to replay that scene three times just to 1) watch her, then 2) watch him, and finally 3) watch both of them at once. yeah. it was absolutely necessary.

the metaphor of the snow globe, “glitter everywhere” and the scene of john ambrose and lara jean kissing as the snow falls. wow.

peter constantly kissing lara jean’s face, neck, lips, whatever, like the annoying lovesick boyfriend he is. god, i feel so single. stop it.

that scene where peter had to dissect an octopus but he was so grossed out, so lara jean said she’d do it. because, same. i could never.

after lara jean and peter’s first date, she closed the door and peter had a little “hell yeah!” moment. that was cute. give me more!

overall, tatbilb 1 still remains my favorite movie by far, and psisly, in my opinion, just wasn’t as great. but i’d be lying if i said i didn’t enjoy it. or that i wouldn’t rewatch it. because i would. i totally would.

[moonysbookblr]

Review:To All the Boys I've Loved Before

This was the one book I absolutely had to read after TATBILB. I even broke my one-novel-at-a-time rule for it. And let me just start it off by saying I'd give it 4/5 stars. And if you don't want any spoilers, you should stop reading now( although I won't give any related to plot, only related to the experience).

When I started the book, I could say with absolute certainty that once again, the book was better than the movie. But as we progressed further, it got more and more confusing. Because while the book version was a lot more detailed and not rushed, I couldn't help but feel disappointed that most of the iconic scenes in the movie weren't in it. Not even close. The one thing where the book won my heart was how it expressed the Covey's. Just one chapter into the book, you fall in love with the family. And you start wishing that you were LJ's or Margot's or Kitty's friend. Just to get to meet this family and see their house. There was such beautiful character expression that it made me fall in love.

But then, the one person that I was desperate to fall in love with, I didn't. Peter Kavinsky. While the movie Peter was our dream boy, the book Peter was a work in progress. But that's the thing. Even at the end, I didn't really see that work ever getting completed. And it seemed maybe Lara really did see him through dreamy eyes. Or she just really wanted to forgive him.

But maybe this is just me not really accepting change. And afterall, it is a trilogy.

But all in all, it was an amazing read. A consuming one. The kind that makes you feel like you're in that world. And I'm sure I'll be going through a withdrawal in the next week.

Ps. Lara Jean's handwriting is goals.

[erikalovesss]

she literally acts like me i relate to her on a deeply personal level.. i just don’t have her circumstances and i’m no longer in high school and i don’t have a cute jock and i’m not cute and i don’t have her amazing style and i don’t have sisters who live w me who can put me back together and... and and.... ughhh i’m just really sad i’m not lara jean GODDAMMIT!!! but it’s annoying cause i AM lara jean .. we are one...

Hey! Kavinsky!

What?

Let’s do this.

[sweetbuckybarnes]

Break my heart, Covey

Pairings: Lara Jean Song-Covey + Peter Kavinsky

Summary: Sort of, the getting back together scene that we all wanted to see.

Lara Jean had just told him, that she loved him - if it was possible, he would be floating on a hypothetical cloud (like in the romcoms that Lara Jean loves so much). He kissed her with as much love as he could give to her though his multiple kisses. Despite them being broken up, he still wanted to make sure that she would be getting home ok how that it has begun to snow.

When they'd pulled away, Peter rests his hand delicately on her cheek, looking into her eyes with his 'upgraded heart eyes' that Greg and Trevor had mocked him about. "Why did you come out? Isn't the party still happening?" He asked his other arm wrapped around her waist, holding her tightly to his body.

"I was going to go looking for you," she admits. He felt one of her hands that were wrapped around his neck move up into his hair and fiddled with the strands she found there. Gen had never played with his hair the entire they were together - Lara Jean was always playing with his hair, it made him so blissed out that he had fallen asleep on her a few times.

He gives her a smile, then planting a soft and loving kiss on her forehead. He had noticed her dress the moment she came rushing out of the front door of Belleview. "Let me have a look at you, Lara Jean," 

Peter takes her hand and raises it - a signal that she should twirl around. The tulle layers lifted when she spun around in a small circle. "Beautiful," he tells her, as the front door opened once more. A sweet older lady walked out.

"Lara Jean," she starts, before seeing the young woman in question in the arms of a young man who loves her with every fibre of his being. "I presume that this is your Peter," she gently asks, making Lara Jean looking up at Peter.

Peter gives her a hopeful smile. 'Your Peter'? Lara Jean's Peter, like how when Lara Jean met his grandma for the first time - she called her Peter's Laura Jean, despite the mispronunciation it made butterflies flutter. Were they back together? He could only hope and wish - wish on every four-leaf clover he could find; every shooting star that he sees, every wishbone he'd break and win; every birthday candle, eyelash and dandelion he would ever blow out or away. He would always be her Peter, a very large portion of his heart would always belong to her, he could easily see himself spending the rest of his life with her - he would be broke if she never took him back.

She smiled back at him, moving closer into his arms (even though there wasn't much room left to snuggle into), and then said, "Yeah, this is my Peter," Lara Jean almost echoed, and Peter felt his heart skyrocket. He had Lara Jean back! At this moment in time, he doesn't think he could be happier.

"I'm glad you two worked it out," she smiled, resting a hand on Lara Jean's shoulder. "Keep the dress, sweetheart, she tells Lara Jean, before going back inside.

Lara Jean smiles at the door, and turned back around to Peter - who asked her, "Who's that?"

"That's Stormy," Lara Jean told him, he'd hear a few stories about the sweet woman since Lara Jean started volunteering there. "It's John Ambrose's grandmother," she tells him and watches his eyebrows skyrocket into his hairline.

"Wow, I must admit she's doing well for her age," Peter says, pulling Lara Jean into his chest as she nuzzles her head into the said chest - he doesn't know why she does this, but it's the most adorable thing to him.

His girlfriend nods in his chest, then Peter's head came down to rest on top of hers. A gentle sigh, he feels completely at home in her arms. Lara Jean had told him that her 'dream man' was Gilbert Blythe from Anne of Green Gables. Because of her, he'd been reading the series, and was about to start Anne of Windy Poplars - but one thing that the character said, stuck with him.

'There would never be anyone for me but you'.

[vampiregirl1797]

Moments in Time

Peter Kavinsky x Reader

GIF Not Mine.

Click Here For Masterlist.

Summary: A collection of moments of your relationship with Peter since you started “officially” dating. 

Word Count: 9,724– whoops, couldn’t help myself.

Warnings: Smut, oral female receiving, hand jobs female and male receiving, sexual intercourse. If there are anymore I’ve missed let me know and I’ll add them in!

//

Peter and I had started dating just before Christmas break. Of course we’d been “fake dating” for three months at that point after my five secret love letters had gotten mailed out by my younger sister. He’d wanted to make Genevieve jealous, and I’d wanted to avoid my controlling ex boyfriend who had been badgering me for weeks after I broke up with him. Neither of us had planned on developing feelings, and when I’d realised I was in real danger of falling in love with Peter Kavinsky it had been on the ski trip. It had been on the ride up there when he’d revealed a playlist he’d created, compiled of music he knew I liked, for us to listen to. He’d also bought snacks and drinks he knew I liked. By the time we got there, I’d decided to take him aside and reveal my desire to terminate our fake relationship, because of my blossoming feelings for him. When he’d told me that he didn’t want to because he felt the same for me as I did for him, I’d been shocked and overjoyed. We’d spent the rest of the trip in a state of new relationship bliss, sharing kisses, affectionate touches and even sharing a bed. We hadn’t gone that far, but it had been nice to wake up in his arms, to hear his husky morning voice and see his adorable sleepy face. 

We’d been together since that trip and our relationship was unbelievably wonderful. Better than my previous relationship with Frederick Layton, though we’d only been out on two dates he’d been unbearably controlling, and until Peter I’d wondered if that was what all relationships would be like. Thankfully, I’d been wrong, as we had a relationship built on trust, communication, love and passion. 

My phone dinged on my dresser and I felt the smile grow on my face as I read the text Peter had just sent to me:

Just leaving my house, beautiful. I’ll be at yours soon, can’t wait to take you out.

It wasn’t our first date, at least I didn’t think it was— I’d say we’d already had a few, though none had been as official as this one— but it always made my heart warm whenever he expressed his happiness to be with me. I slid my phone into the pocket of my deep red skater dress, and slid my maroon high top converse onto my feet. Once I was sure I had my card wallet, along with a little cash in my other pocket I headed downstairs.

‘Hey honey.’ My dad’s voice greeted from the dinner table, where he and Kitty were eating the pizza they’d had delivered.

‘Hey dad.’ I smiled, walking over to ruffle Kitty’s hair and chuckling when she ducked away, ‘hey trouble.’

‘Hey Y/N.’ She replied, playfully slapping my hand away, ‘you look really pretty.’

‘Thanks kiddo.’ I said, making my way to the door as the bell rang.

‘Hey Pete.’ I murmured, reaching out and entwining our fingers together.

‘Hey beautiful.’ He kissed the back of my hand, my face flushing at the soft look in brown eyes, ‘you ready to go?’

‘Yeah.’ We walked out of the door with a quick goodbye to my dad and sister, and my dad making Peter promise to have me home by eleven.

I kissed his cheek as he held the passenger side of his jeep open for me, and I held his hand as he drove us to the restaurant. During the drive he told me about his day so far; he’d been putting in extra work outs in the mornings to prepare for lacrosse season starting up again when we went back to school. 

‘I just need to do well, you know? Collages are gonna start sending out scouts soon and I need a scholarship.’ He said, biting his lower lip in a way that indicated how anxious he really was. 

I waited until he’d put the car in park and turned off the engine before I spoke, my free hand caressing the side of his face as his hazel eyes stared into mine, ‘you’re going to get seen, Peter. I know it— you’re too good a lacrosse player to not get scouted by multiple collages. All you need to focus on is training and becoming the best player you can be.’ 

His eyes softened as he leaned forward, his forehead resting against mine, ‘thank you, honey.’ He whispered, his eyes fluttering closed as my hand moved from his cheek to his thick, dark hair, gently moving through the strands.

‘I got you Peter,’ I murmured, ‘I’ll always be in your corner.’ 

His hands wound around my waist, pulling me as close as he could in his Jeep. We held each other for a while, his face resting in the crook of my neck and my nose buried in his hair, inhaling his fresh, clean scent and something else that was just pure Peter Kavinsky. Eventually though, the sound of his stomach rumbling broke the moment, and we pulled apart with a chuckle and headed into the restaurant. 

‘So I have to ask seeing as I’m a complete novice at this,’ I smiled in thanks as the waitress placed our drink orders on the table before leaving, ‘does this count as a first date, even though I’d already say we’ve had loads already?’ We had, but nothing as official as going out to a restaurant like we were now.

He grinned, taking a sip of his drink and leaning forward to hold my hands in his, I turned my hand and entwined our fingers together, enjoying the warmth he was emitting.

‘I’d say that a first date can be anything you want it to be.’ His thumb moved across the back of my hand and he smiled when he saw goose bumps break out across my skin from the smooth touch, ‘for me our first date was at the ski lodge before Christmas break last year.’

I blinked, surprised, ‘we only agreed to officially date on that trip.’ 

‘Exactly,’ he smiled, his eyes a little unfocused as if he were in a different memory, ‘and that night we shared the hot tub and I got to fall asleep with you in my arms. Best date ever.’

I blushed, but the smile that grew on my lips couldn’t be disputed, ‘it was wonderful. I’d say that was our first date, too. Waking up to you was amazing as well, I miss that.’ We hadn’t been able to share a bed since the ski trip, my father careful to assure we’d never have a reason for a sleepover, though we hadn’t broached the ‘sex’ territory yet, Peter had already done it but I hadn’t, and he promised to wait until I was ready.

‘Me too honey.’ He lifted my hands and kissed them, before lowering them to rest on the table again, ‘but I have an idea about how we can do that again, depending on if Chris is willing to cover for you.’ 

‘Hmm I’m interested, tell me more,’ I leaned forward, excited at the prospect of spending time with him, completely alone.

‘If you’re up for the idea, I know a great place we can go camping for the weekend. I used to go with my dad and brother before he left.’ His smile turned a little sad and I squeezed his hands in comfort, wishing there was something I could do to ease his pain, ‘I can get someone on the lacrosse team to cover for me, and if Chris will cover for you, we’ll be all set.’

‘That sounds perfect.’ I smiled, knowing my eyes were sparkling with happiness at the idea, ‘I’ll talk to her about it, she’ll probably ask for a few favours in return but it’ll be worth it.’

‘Awesome. Let me know, this weekend is one of the last good ones before the weather gets cold and lacrosse training really kicks in next week.’ He murmured, his thumb subconsciously moving against the back of my hands as he spoke. I think he did it without even thinking because he knew it comforted me; I’d told him a few weeks after we’d started “officially” dating, that his touch comforted me in a way that I couldn’t explain, and since he’d made a point to always be touching me in someway. 

Our food came not long after and our conversation settled a little as we ate; I had carbonara and Peter had a pepperoni pizza, which he offered me a slice of in exchange for a taste of my food. After the meal Peter surrendered his keys to me, insisting that he was too full to drive, and I accepted them with a chuckle as I drove us back towards home. When I passed Lake Gaston and noted the empty car park I impulsively decided to drive in, entranced with the way the moonlight reflected off the water. That and the blissful silence, it was easy to pretend we weren’t in Virginia. 

‘It’s beautiful here.’ I murmured, not really thinking about the words as they left my mouth.

‘It is.’ He agreed, but he was looking at me, not the scenery. He reached over, entwining our hands together and earning my gaze as I turned, taken away with how gorgeous he looked in the moonlight. 

I gasped when his hands fell to my waist and he lifted me up onto his lap before I had time to ask what he was doing. My forehead fell against his and our lips melded together like two magnets that were powerless to resist the pull between them. His lips were soft, and his hands were warm as they trailed down from my shoulders to my waist, were they paused to pull me even closer to him. The friction caused me to gasp and his tongue slid into my open mouth without hesitation, moving against mine with a seductive slowness that made my knees feel weak. I didn’t know when my hands moved to his hair, I was too lost in what he was doing to me to pay attention to my own movements, but I became aware of it when a noise of pleasure emitted from between us. I tugged the strands a little and felt myself shuffle closer to him at the groan that escaped his mouth, attracted to his pleasure. My hips were completely aligned with his at that point; I could feel how much he wanted me, how ready he would have been if I’d reached down and released him from his jeans and asked him to take me. But that wasn’t how I wanted my first time to happen so my hands stayed where they were.

His didn’t.

They slid down my legs until he reached the hem of my dress and skated up to the tops of my thighs. I felt a nervous twinge in my stomach but I ignored it; we’d already spoken about boundaries and I trusted him not to violate my trust. His thumb gently skated over my centre, barely pushing the fabric of my underwear into where I was starting to throb with need. I pulled my lips away from his, my head moving to rest against his shoulder, my breath coming quickly as the pleasure he was giving me grew. His other hand moved to my back, softly stroking up and down the centre of my back in a comforting gesture. I felt myself melt into him and when he moved my underwear to the side and it was suddenly his fingers completely against my clit with nothing in between, my back arched from the shock and the incredible jolt that echoed throughout my body. 

He moved back and forth, down to my entrance and back up again, repeating the motion and stopping on the bundle of nerves in between, before doing it all again. It wasn’t long before I was shaking, on the edge of my first ever orgasm inflicted by someone other than myself and my god, all the times I’d masturbated it had never been this good. The build up had never been this intense, and when I finally reached my release my vision flashed white and I stopped breathing, fully surrendering my body to the incredible pleasure that echoed throughout my body. 

I didn’t know how long it took me to come back around, but when I did I was still on Peter’s lap. He was stroking my hair, whispering soft praises into my ear, and occasionally pausing to kiss my forehead. 

‘Peter that was... amazing.’ I whispered, nuzzling into his neck and enjoying his scent as it invaded my nostrils.

‘I’m glad you enjoyed it honey.’ He kissed my hair this time, and I could hear the soft smile in his voice. 

‘Can I return the favour?’ I asked, somewhat timidly.

‘You don’t have to do that, Y/N. I can take care of myself when I get home, and trust me, I’ll need to. Watching you fall apart was the most arousing thing I’ve ever seen.’ His voice dropped to a husky tone that would have me rubbing my thighs together if I weren’t already straddling him.

‘I want to,’ I insisted, shuffling down and kneeling to the floor of the car so I could comfortably settle in between his legs, ‘but I’ve never done this before so tell me if I’m doing something you don’t like.’

‘Okay.’ He murmured, his voice barely loud enough for me to hear as my hands fell to the button on his jeans. 

I undid it and unzipped the zipper, shooting him a grateful smile when he lifted his hips so I could pull his jeans and underwear down together. I tried to control my surprise at his size as he sprang up against his stomach without anything holding him in place. He was huge, at least to me he was— was eight inches big? I made a mental note to look it up later as my hand tentatively wrapped around the base of his shaft, encouraged by the noise that fell from his mouth I lifted it higher, all the way to the tip and then back down again. His hips jolted, involuntarily, as he tired to follow the movement of my hand, and I felt myself speed up in response, entranced with him. His hands were tangled in his hair, pulling at the strands at increasing force as I sped up around him, he was biting his lip, his eyes were focused on me and darker than I’d ever seen them, pleasure and arousal swimming in the almost chocolate brown depths. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from him, and I held his stare until he fell apart in my hand, his release coating my skin as I reached over for the tissues in my bag, I cleaned myself, as well as him though he didn’t seem to notice; his head was resting against his seat with a blissed out look on his face. Once I was done I tucked him back into his boxers and jeans before curling up on his lap, my hands moving gently though his hair as I patiently waited for him to recover.

‘That was amazing, honey.’ He eventually said, his voice sounding sore as he placed a chaste but lingering kiss on my lips.

‘I’m glad you enjoyed it.’ I replied, my cheeks flushing almost immediately— was that a normal thing to say in these situations?

He chuckled and kissed my forehead but otherwise said nothing. We were both happy to bask in the comfortable silence and our afterglow until we realised the time and knew we needed to get me back home before my dad sent out a search party. He dropped me off five minutes before curfew and left me with an ‘I love you’ and a kiss that left us both breathless. 

As I was laying in bed an hour later, I wondered how different school was going to be now Peter and I were officially together. But I knew, no changes mattered as long as Peter Kavinsky was there to hold my hand.

//

Peter had come in early to do some training with a few other guys on the lacrosse team, so I drove myself and Kitty to school the next day. Which was fine, I mean I didn’t like driving but I didn’t mind doing it when necessary. I actually got caught in traffic and ended up making it to school two minutes before the final bell rang, which left enough time for me to get to class, but meant that I didn’t get the chance to talk to anyone before I was thrown in to English class. I was pleased to see that Chris and I were together for Trigonometry second period, and third I had Lucas. First and fourth I was alone friendship wise and I was kinda grateful for it because English and Chemistry were my weakest subjects so I needed to concentrate. 

By the time lunch rolled around I was starving and excited to see Peter— we’d been texting throughout the day but it wasn’t the same. I was walking as fast as possible towards the exit of the Chem room, hoping to get to the cafeteria asap, that I almost walked right past him. If he hadn’t grabbed the belt-loop on the shorts I was wearing, I would have missed him completely.

‘Peter.’ I breathed, my voice soft with surprise and delight.

‘Hey beautiful.’ He grinned, leaning down to rest his forehead against mine, his hands resting on my waist.

‘I don’t mean to sound all clingy or anything, but I missed you.’ I told him, my face flushing at the gently, adoring look that adorned his features following my admission, ‘it feels like I haven’t seen you in forever.’

‘I wouldn’t say that’s clingy.’ He assured me, kissing my forehead and winding his arm around my waist as we started to walk to the cafeteria, ‘but if it is, I’m right there with you honey.’

We shared a smile, full of love, adoration and pure honey-moon phase happiness that I hoped didn’t dissipate completely. We ended up completely bypassing the cafeteria in favour of sitting on what I’d internally deemed as “our picnic table” near the tracks— the same place we’d written down our fake dating rules all those months ago. We both sat on the same side of the bench, his arm alternating between resting on my shoulders, on my thigh, holding my hand when it was free and playing with my hair. 

‘I talked to Chris in second period, she said she’d cover for me this weekend.’ I told him, excitement filling my expression.

‘That’s great!’ He shared my enthusiasm, his wide, contagious grin lighting his face.

‘I know, we just need to work out the finer details but otherwise we’re good to go.’ My head rested on his shoulder, my packed lunch finished at that point.

‘If you pack a bag we can store it in my Jeep and we can leave straight from school on Friday.’ He suggested, his hand stroking my hair, his other entwined with my fingers.

‘Sounds perfect.’ And it did. Peter and I had never been truly alone to the point of no possible interruptions. We were alone in that moment, but it was only a matter of time before the bell rang and we were flooded with students headed to their next class. Our bubble never remained un-penetrated for long.

‘I want us to have sex on the trip.’ I said and immediately felt my teeth dig into my lower lip as if to reprimand me for my outburst.

You see, I didn’t have a filter around Peter, which I valued most of the time, it allowed for effective communication and it reflected how comfortable I was around him, to voice my thoughts without worrying about judgement. So despite the initial wave of embarrassment that flooded me following my declaration, I refused to let myself linger on it, knowing with Peter I always had a safe space to talk about anything, including my desire to lose my virginity. 

I lifted my head from his shoulder to look at his expression, realising he hadn’t spoken for at least a minute. The surprise and shock on his face was to be expected, but I was a little worried that he seemed to be... frozen.

‘Peter?’ I murmured, my index finger gently tapping his forehead.

He blinked, his hazel eyes moving to mine and he shook his head as if to clear it, most likely realising my concern was due to his lack of an answer.

‘Are you okay?’ I asked, my voice timid. Did he not want to take this step? Had he frozen because he was thinking of a way to let me down easily? ‘Pete, if you don’t think we’re ready for this then tell me, both of our feelings are important here.’

His eyes softened and he placed a kiss on my forehead, ‘I know that, honey. I was just surprised, I guess I wasn’t expecting it. That’s all. The way I reacted wasn’t because I don’t want to be with you that way, because I do. I just want you to be sure you’re not rushing into this because of me.’ His hazel eyes searched mine, and I kept eye contact when I spoke, wanting him to see my complete sincerity.

‘I’ve been thinking about this for weeks, Pete. I love you, you love me, and I trust you to take care of me.’ My hands went to either side of his face, ‘I’m sure.’ 

His hand gripped my right, lifting it and turning it over so he could kiss my palm. 

‘Okay, in that case I’ll make sure we have protection for the weekend.’ He assured me, his thumb tracing over my cheekbone as I flushed, ‘and in the meantime, if you have any second thoughts and you change your mind then let me know. There’s no pressure, I’m happy to spend the weekend with you, with our without sex, okay?’

I was so soft in that moment you could have spread me on bread, ‘okay.’ 

I knew I wouldn’t change my mind, and the very fact he made sure to assure me that it would be okay that I did, only solidified my choice even further. I loved him, trusted him and he was without a doubt the one I wanted to take this step with.

//

A few days later after Peter had dropped me off at home, my dad handed me a letter, and as soon as I saw the return name and address, my stomach dropped. 

The letters had gotten out months ago, and when I’d not heard anything from John Ambrose, I assumed his had got lost in the mail, or he’d read it been confused and creeped out and thrown it away. But the letter I was holding proved both of those theories wrong.

I took a breath and opened it, hoping to god it was a polite brush off and he wasn’t writing to tell me that I was a creepy weirdo.

Dear Y/N,

I couldn't believe when I opened that letter and it was from you. Wow. It's been, what, five years since we've seen each other? Not that I'm mad or anything. I was so happy to get it. I can't believe how mature you were at 11. God, when I was 11, my mom was still putting out snacks for me after school, but here you were with all these complex thoughts and emotions.

It's crazy.

Reading it reminded me of that time that we both got locked out after school. Remember that? We went to the Robertson's treehouse and read Harry Potter until it got dark. If I'd written you a love letter back then, I'm pretty sure it would've just said something like, um, "I liked reading with you. You're really pretty." But your letter was so much more than that. I just have one question: Why send it now?

Whatever the reason, I'm really glad I got to read it.

Yours, John Ambrose.

Okay, just a polite brush off like I was hoping, nothing to worry about. I headed up to my room, tossed my back pack onto my bed and sat at my desk. He deserved an explanation and maybe then this whole thing could just go away for good. I pulled out some stationary and started writing.

Dear John Ambrose,

I have to say your response surprised me, the letters got out almost six months ago, I’d assumed yours got lost in the mail or that you threw it away. Either way, you’re right and you do deserve an explanation. I went through a stage of writing letters whenever I got a crush so intense I didn’t know what to do about it. In total there were five, one to you, a guy from camp, Lucas from school, Josh from next door and Peter Kavinsky. My sister, Kitty, thought it would be a good idea to send them out and possibly get me out of my shell, which is why you received it now when I wrote it years ago. It actually worked, and Peter and I started dating, we’re still together now and honestly I’m kinda grateful to my sister for sending out the letters, because it never would have happened without it. 

It was nice to hear from you, John Ambrose, I wish you all the best for the future.

Y/N.

There. All done, all finished. I placed it into an envelope, wrote the name and address on the front, and added the stamp. I didn’t seal it though. I’d never had a boyfriend, but I was pretty sure if I found out that a guy Peter used to like had written him a letter, I’d want to know about it. 

I pulled my phone out of the back pocket of my high-waisted jeans and texted him— I knew he was probably out running like he did every day after school, so I didn’t want to disrupt him with a phone call.

Hey honey, can you come over tonight? There’s something I wanna talk to you about. It’s nothing bad, I promise.

Once that was sent, I headed to the shower and after that kept myself busy with homework. I was so deep in concentration that I jumped when someone knocked on the front door— the headache that my trig homework had given me didn’t help. I looked up from where I was sitting at the dining room table and headed over to answer it— Kitty was at a friends house and my dad was still at work, one of his patients had gone into labour an hour ago.

A bright smile broke across my face when I saw who it was, and I abandoned a verbal greeting in favour of wrapping my arms around his neck and burying my head in his chest. He smelled of peppermint from his body wash, and a hint of vanilla from his shampoo. I could feel that his hair was still wet, so he must have showered after his run and come over straight away. 

‘Hey honey,’ he murmured, kissing my hair, ‘everything okay?’

‘Fine, just something I thought you should know about.’ I told him, reluctant to pull away from his hold— I was feeling extra clingy tonight for whatever reason, and he must have realised it too, because he scooped me up. My legs wound around his waist and my face moved to the crook of his neck, inhaling deeply as a contented feeling wrapped around me like a warm blanket on a rainy day.  

‘Where to?’ He asked, his voice soft. I vaguely registered the sound of the front door closing as he kicked it shut.

‘My room.’ I replied, trying to keep myself from falling asleep. I loved how safe I felt in his arms.

He carried me up with no problem and paused at my desk so I could grab both letters, and then moved to the centre of my bed, positioning me so I was comfortable curled up on his chest.

‘Now what did you need me to come over for, honey? Not that I’m complaining if you just called me over for some cuddles.’ He chuckled, kissing my forehead.

‘You remember the letters I wrote?’ I mumbled against the fabric of his shirt.

‘Yeah, one to me, some guy from UN, someone from camp, Josh and Lucas.’ His hand trailed up and down my back comfortingly.

‘Well, the guy from UN was John Ambrose McClaren.’ I said, too calm to be worried about his reaction.

‘No shit. McClaren? That was my boy.’ He grinned.

‘Well, he wrote me back.’ I handed him one of the letters in my hand and patiently waited as he read it.

‘He sounds pretty cool about it.’ He said once he was finished, placing it to the side and linking his fingers with my free hand, ‘are you gonna write him back?’

‘I’ve already written the letter, I figured he deserved an explanation as to why he received a love letter I wrote five years ago out of the blue.’ I held up the response in my free hand, ‘that’s why I called you over, I figured if this was the other way around then I’d wanna know about it, right?’

His eyes softened, his free hand gently moving through my hair, ‘right. So do you want me to read your response?’

I nodded, handing him the letter. I knew if I told him no that he would respect that, but I had no problems with him reading it. I had no feelings for John Ambrose anymore, they’d flickered out years ago, and I didn’t want Peter wondering if me keeping the letter from him was because those feelings still lingered. He finished it pretty quickly, kissed my forehead and asked me if I wanted to watch a movie. I didn’t particularly; I was so close to sleep that I didn’t think I’d last five minutes, but if it meant he’d stay and hold me for a few more hours I was all for it. I hummed in agreement and he turned on my TV and selected something, I couldn’t tell you what it was if my life depended on it. I was asleep within minutes.

//

‘Please chose your volunteer post wisely. You will be representing Adler at your chosen post.’ Principal Stevens reminded everyone in the cafeteria, that had temporarily turned into a volunteer centre with different booths scattered around.

I was looking around for the Bellevue booth when I was startled by warm hands wrapping around my waist.

‘Hey honey.’ He murmured into my neck, his warm breath made me shiver against him, I could feel his smirk before he continued, ‘you found the Bellevue booth yet?’

‘Nah, I just got here.’ I turned, my arms wrapping around his neck, his forehead resting against mine, ‘you and the boys signed up for Oakwood Market?’

‘Um—.’ He was cut off from Trevor appearing behind him and playfully slapping his shoulders.

‘Yo, K! What’s up big boy?’ He exclaimed. Peter shook his head with a chuckle and pulled me closer to him as he turned to give his friend a nod.

‘What’s up, Y/N?’ Trevor smiled.

‘Hey, Trevor.’ I returned his smile, my gaze returning to Peter quickly.

‘Yo, bro, so check it out. We already snagged six spots at Oakwood Market. Everybody's in, done deal.’ Trevor grinned, ruffling Peter’s hair in his excitement.

‘That’s great man.’ Pete smiled, removing a hand from my waist to playfully shove him, ‘sign me up will you? I’m gonna find the Bellevue booth with Y/N.’

He didn’t give him a chance to respond, his hand sliding around my waist and walking us in the direction of the booth I needed.

‘You don’t have to come with me you know,’ I told him a soft, amused smile on my lips, ‘just because we’re dating it doesn’t mean your friends aren’t a priority too.’

‘I know that.’ He held me closer and his next words were so quiet that I had to strain my hearing to catch them, ‘I’m feeling a little clingy today, honey.’

I was a little surprised; usually it was the other way around, but I didn’t comment, I just held him tighter against my side and reached over for his free hand and kissed his palm. If this is what he needed, I was more than happy to help ease him in anyway I could. He kissed the top of my head and when we reached the booth he moved behind me, his hands on my waist and his chin resting on my shoulder so we were cheek to cheek.

I wrote my name on the sheet, noting that I was the only one and turned to kiss Peter’s cheek when I was done. Before we could leave, Gen cornered us.

‘Of course you would do Bellevue.’ She snorted, ‘you’re so predictable, Y/N.’

‘I know right?’ I smiled sweetly, unable to help rolling my eyes. Honestly, how she hadn’t moved on by now and gotten tired of giving us a hard time I didn’t know.

‘I saw your story this weekend, Peter.’ She rolled her eyes and shot me a smug look, ‘Cordona’s? Classic Kavinsky. A little tip, Y/N, if you wanna fit into your jeans come summer, you should start ordering a salad.’

‘Just stop it Gen.’ Peter said, his voice sounded tired and lacking of patience and she must have noticed it too because she started, her expression becoming vulnerable for a split second before the mean facade was back in place, ‘that’s my favourite restaurant, and Y/N loves Italian, of course I took her there. Just because we dated it doesn’t mean that all of those places are off limits for us now. Grow up and stop being so childish.’

She rolled her eyes, but I could tell she was well and truly berated as she left without so much as a ‘whatever’ thrown over her shoulder.

I turned around in his arms, noting the way his shoulders were slumped, and his hazel eyes weren’t as bright as they usually were.

‘Well, we’re officially signed up for our volunteer programmes, you wanna get lunch off campus? My treat for all the running coach’ll make you do later.’ My hands gently moved through his thick brown locks as I talked. 

‘I’d love that. I’m craving pizza.’ He squeezed my hand as we headed for his car, I took the keys and drove us to Cordona’s and got us a large half pepperoni and half cheese for us to share. 

We stopped at the lake we’d paused at almost a week ago to eat, there were more cars, but no people; they were probably hiking around the water. I shifted onto Pete’s lap, the pizza laying open on the drivers seat, making it easy for us to reach over when we wanted a slice. We didn’t talk much as we ate, occasionally he’d offer me a bite of his pizza and I’d do the same to him, both of us trading gentle smiles and chaste kisses before we continued eating. It was peaceful being encased in our bubble, and I hoped that the atmosphere was as calming for him as it was for me. By the time the pizza was gone, we still had over half an hour before we had to be back to school, and it was only a ten minute drive. I tossed the left over crust into the pizza box and shook my head when Pete offered me some of the last slice. 

My hand moved through his hair, noting the way his eyes fluttered shut and he leaned into my touch as he swallowed the last of his pizza. 

‘You feeling better, honey?’ It was the first words I’d spoken in a while, and I was pleased that the peaceful bubble around us didn’t pop at the disruption. 

‘Loads, thank you for this Y/N.’ He kissed my forehead.

‘You don’t have to thank me, Pete. I told you, I’m here for you, always.’ I kissed his nose, chuckling at the way his nose wrinkled and a grin lit up his face.

My amusement faded abruptly when hands gently rested on either side of my face and bought my lips to his. He tasted of cheese, pepperoni and a hint of mint from the gum he’d been chewing before. His lips were soft and when his tongue slipped into my mouth again, I felt myself melt into him with a shudder. His hands glided down to my waist, pulling me closer to him and I briefly wondered when I’d turned to straddle him, but honestly in that moment I didn’t care. My fingers tugged at his hair and he groaned against my lips to kiss along the column of my throat, to behind my ear, his lips zeroing in on a sensitive spot that I didn’t know existed. I moaned his name, my hips involuntarily moving against his, allowing me to feel that he wanted me just as much as I did him. His hand slid underneath my jumper, and when he felt that I wasn’t wearing a bra underneath he groaned as his hand cupped my breast, his thumb moving back and forth across my nipple and creating little zings of electricity that seemed connected to my core somehow.

I moaned his name again and he bought his lips to mine, his tongue moving in that slowly seductive way again, and I swear I felt myself flush with so much warmth and arousal I wouldn’t have been surprised if I caught on fire. I was so lost in the heat that I didn’t notice his other hand sliding underneath my skirt until his fingers pressed against my core, causing my hips to jolt into his hand. I pulled away from the kiss, needing to breathe and unable to concentrate on anything but the pleasure that was travelling through my body. My head fell to his shoulder and his fingers moved quicker against my clit, seeming to find that spot that made me see stars without even trying. My release came over me so suddenly that I bit down on Peter’s shoulder without thinking, concerned that my volume would be too loud without me tampering down my moans somehow.

By the time I came back around, Peter was stroking my hair, while his other hand gripped my waist gently. 

‘I can’t feel my legs.’ I spoke into his neck, smiling at the sound of his chuckle.

‘It’s okay honey, I can drive us back.’ He kissed my hair.

‘What about you?’ I frowned, not liking the idea of leaving him in need of release; and I knew he was, I could feel it against my hip.

‘Don’t worry about that, you can make it up to me when you have the energy.’ He said, his voice rife with amusement and a little pride.

‘Okay,’ I murmured, appeased.

We stayed there for a few more minutes, until we were in danger of being late if we waited any longer. He placed me in the passenger seat where I curled into a ball, having not got my energy back yet, and he closed the pizza box and placed it into the foot space I wasn’t currently using. My hand was entwined with his left as he drove us back, and I was on the precipice of consciousness and unconsciousness when he leaned over to kiss my forehead to tell me we had arrived. My eyes fluttered open and I practically jumped into Peter’s arms when he came around to open my door for me. He chuckled, holding me close for a moment before his arm slid around my waist so we could walk into the school. I idly wondered if I’d get away with taking a nap in history as we parted ways at the doors with a kiss.

//

The next day passed in a blur and before I knew it, we were heading on our camping trip. I’d tossed my school bag onto the back seat, kicked off my ballet flats and pulled my hair from my hair tie to make myself more comfortable for the drive. Peter and I were both positively beaming with excitement, happily singing along to the road trip playlist he’d made for us. It made my heart warm when he’d bashfully announced that he’d done that, he’d gone out of his way to put together a bunch of songs he knew I liked. It was the little things like that, that made me wonder what I’d done right to deserve someone as wonderful as Peter.

When we arrived, Peter and I wasted no time in putting up the tent. Well, Pete told me what to do and followed his instructions as best as I could— I’d never been camping before so putting a tent together was completely fresh territory for me. But he told me I’d done a good job and I kissed him for saying that, even though we both knew it wasn’t true.

‘I love it out here.’ I told him much later, when the sun had set and we could actually see the stars shining above us now we were out of the city. 

‘Me too, I forgot just how much.’ He admitted, his arm around my shoulders as I melted into his side.

‘How come you haven’t been back in so long?’

‘Me and my brother used to come out here with my dad, and for the longest time it was another reminder of the fact he was gone.’ He said, his voice taking on the melancholy that usually followed talking about his father.

‘I get that, it was the same for me after my mom died.’ I offered him a sad smile when he met my eye, ‘but eventually I realised, the memories didn’t have to make me sad, they could be a reminder of the happy times we all shared as a family.’

‘You’re so wise for a sixteen year old, Y/N.’ He smiled softly, his hand caressing the side of my face, his smile grew when I leaned into his touch, ‘thank you for sharing that with me, it helps, more than you know.’

‘I love you, Pete.’ 

His eyes softened completely, ‘I love you too, Y/N.’ 

The next few days were complete and utter bliss. Spending time with one of my favourite people, just us, no interruptions was incredible. We hiked, swam, danced in the random rainfall, cuddled at night to keep warm, watched the sunrise and set, and lay for hours under the stars talking about anything and everything. Not once did he bring up my earlier expressed desire to lose my virginity during this trip, and I knew it was because he was giving me the room I needed to change my mind, no questions asked. The truth was, I hadn’t changed my mind, but it took me a few days to work up my nerve to broach the subject again. I knew we’d already been intimate to an extent, but it took me some time to assure myself that Peter loved me, and that he wouldn't be disgusted with my naked appearance. It was Sunday night, we’d be getting up early to drive straight to school in the morning, and I finally gathered my nerve. 

‘Pete?’ I murmured to him; we’d eaten some dinner an hour ago and we were currently laying in each others arms underneath the stars.

‘Hmm?’ 

‘Did you bring any protection?’ I felt him stiffen underneath me before he relaxed.

‘I did.’ He confirmed, ‘but if you’ve changed your mind then that’s completely okay.’

‘I know, but I didn’t,’ I leaned up, resting on my elbow to look him in the eye, ‘I just needed a little time to gather my nerve.’ 

‘You don’t need to be nervous, honey, if you want to do this I’ll take care of you.’ His hazel eyes shone of nothing but sincerity. 

‘I want to do this Peter, please.’ I murmured, my fingers gently trailing over the side of his face. 

That was how we found ourselves in the zipped up tent, both of us completely naked and Peter kissing his way down my stomach. My hand tangled in his hair as his mouth latched onto my clit, my hips would have buckled into his face if he didn’t have a hand on my waist, securely holding me down. His other hand had moved lower, his finger moving inside of me and curling to find the spot that had taken me months to find without effort. I moaned, completely overwhelmed with the pleasure he was giving me in that moment. His mouth was sucking on the perfect spot, his tongue moving over that bundle of nerves, while he added another finger inside of me, rubbing—fuck—yes right there— I was going to explode, I was sure of it. As the pure unadulterated continued to build I didn’t recognise my own voice as I alternated between moaning, screaming his name and whimpering. Eventually, and yet all too soon, the knot in my stomach came undone as my release overcame me, my vision whitened and when I came around, I was surprised to see that my body was still in one piece. 

Pete was hovering over me, his eyes soft and aroused as he observed me. I felt myself flush and his thumb gently followed the redness as it covered my cheeks.

‘You’re so beautiful, Y/N.’ He whispered, his lips capturing mine in a gentle kiss that made my heart melt inside my chest. 

He leaned back after a moment, pulling a condom from his wallet and sliding it down his erection. When he noticed me biting my lip, concerned how he was going to fit inside of me, he kissed my forehead reassuringly and lined himself up with my entrance. He pushed in with one slow, smooth movement, once he was fully encased inside me, he stopped, his face turned into the side of my neck. He kissed me there, and I was grateful for the distraction from the pain, it made waiting for it to pass much easier as his lips found that spot behind my ear again. 

‘You’re doing amazingly, honey.’ He murmured against my skin, his warm breath making me shiver in the best way.

When the pain subsided I told Peter to move, and he did, starting with soft, shallow thrusts that became deeper and harder as we progressed. When he lifted my right thigh and wound it around his waist, and managed to find a spot that had me seeing stars with every thrust, I was pretty sure I moaned ridiculously loud but I was far too lost in the moment to know for sure. I was lost in him again, his scent, his breath coming fast and heavy against my neck, his lips and the kisses he was placing where he could reach, his hand where he was gripping my leg while the other rested on the ground behind my head to give him balance, his shaft and the way it moved in and out of me as if he was made to fit inside me. I was overwhelmed by him, just as I was every time we became intimate and I found myself hoping, in the back of my aroused mind that was overrun with pleasure, that it would never be any other way. 

When I reached my release, Peter wasn’t very far behind me, shouting my name into my neck. Once we were both finished, his arms wrapped around my waist and he flipped us over so I was laying on top of him. His fingers trailed over my bare back and it was honestly so soothing, I found myself falling asleep right there, peacefully in his arms.

//

‘This is gonna be wild.’ Peter grinned, his hand entwined with mine, while me other was holding the cupcakes I’d made on my lap, along with the pizzas Pete had picked up on his way over.

‘You think?’ I said, amused, ‘we’re digging up a time capsule and eating pizza with cupcakes, i’m not sure that’s the common definition of “wild.”’ 

He laughed, ‘I know that, Covey. I mean having the old gang meeting up again, seeing my boy, it’s gonna be crazy.’ 

It was true, the old gang was me, Peter, John Ambrose, Trevor, Chris and Genevieve. We were all meeting up to dig up the time capsule we’d buried underneath the Robertson’s treehouse because the new owners were going to cut it down. If I was honest I was a little nervous about it; Gen and I didn’t get along, so I could only imagine the snide comments we were going to get, and things between John Ambrose and I since we’d been volunteering together at Bellevue had been awkward. He’d gotten the letter I’d sent back to him, and he was constantly asking how things were between Peter and I. Whenever I told him things were great, he’d get a disappointed look on his face before he forced a smile that fooled no one. I’d told Peter about it, but he assured me that if he had any doubts about our relationship then that was his problem, not ours. And he was right. 

‘It’s going to be weird having us all together again.’ I agreed, kissing the back of his hand and returning his smile, though mine wasn’t as big, it was still genuine.

John Ambrose was stood at the foot of the tree house, his hands tucked in his jeans as we approached. Peter had insisted on carrying the pizza and the cupcakes so I had my arm wrapped in his back pocket as we walked, slightly amused at the irony of the move. 

‘Well, well, well if it isn’t Johnny McClaren!’ Peter grinned.

‘Peter Kavinsky.’ He returned, a little less enthusiastically. 

‘Anyone else here yet?’ I asked, hoping to diffuse the sudden tension, and I was grateful to hear Trevor’s booming voice approaching us.

‘Yo! You guys order some za’?’ He clapped his hands twice, ‘yo, I’m so hungry.’ And when he saw John he grinned walking over to him, clasping his hand and slapping him on the back, ‘John! I can’t believe you came it’s been so long!’

‘I know, I’m glad we could all meet up.’ He smiled, looking towards the boxes in Peter’s hands and asking, ‘What kind did you get?’

‘One pepperoni and one cheese.’ Peter answered, turning to smile at me, ‘and Y/N made us some salted caramel cupcakes for afterwards.’

‘Pizza and cupcakes? We should do this every week.’ Trevor cheered, making us all laugh in amusement.

‘So are we’re just waiting on Peter and Gen.’ I mused, hoping my anxiety dissipated soon.

‘I’m here, it was so generous of you to offer me an invitation, Y/N.’ Gen said, her voice snarky.

‘I know.’ I sighed, honestly not in the mood for her snippiness. 

Thankfully before she could retort, Chris joined us, shovel in hand and a smile on her face. I tuned the conversation out and offered to go and set up the food while she and the others located the time capsule. Peter came with me, handing me the boxes up through the hatch before joining me inside. 

We placed mats in a circle for everyone to sit on, so it would be more comfortable. I ended up sitting in between Peter’s legs, his back leaning on the wall behind him while we waited for everyone else.

‘Is there a lot of tension between people or is it just me?’ I asked, needing to know if I was imagining it.

‘There was some between me and McClaren, and some between us and Gen.’ he confirmed, his hands entwining with mine.

‘I hate it, it makes me nervous.’ I admitted, turning to meet his eyes.

‘I know, but sometimes it can’t be helped. I mean when another guy is clearly into my girlfriend it paves the way for tension.’ He shrugged.

‘It doesn’t have to, Pete. I love you, any feelings I may have had for him fizzled out years ago.’ I assured him.

‘I know,’ he kissed my forehead, ‘jealousy is an irrational feeling but that doesn’t make banishing it any easier.’

I knew what he meant, I still felt jealous of Gen occasionally, but I reminded myself that Peter wanted me, not her and we were happy together. I turned around again, settling back between his legs, my back against his chest and his arms around my waist. That was how the others found us when they ventured up, and other than a disappointed look from John Ambrose and a disgusted one from Gen, no one else batted an eye. We all ate, the others sharing random conversation, but I was content to sit back and observe rather than participate. Pete and John Ambrose didn’t speak directly and when I didn’t respond to the snide comments she was making, Gen settled into conversation with the others. While he was eating, Pete’s hand remained on my waist, his thumb moving back and forth over my hipbone in a comforting gesture that had me melting even further into him. 

Once the food was finished, Chris cracked open the time capsule, pulling out a familiar bracelet that she threw in my direction when I said it was mine.

‘It’s a friendship bracelet that Gen made for me, back when we were friends.’ I admitted, tucking it into the pocket of my jeans with a smile— she may have hated me now, but the bracelet had some good memories of our friendship when we were kids.

Trevor pulled out the next object, ‘baseball!’

‘I’m guessing you put that in?’ John Ambrose laughed.

Peter held up a hand, catching it effortlessly, ‘Yeah, that was me. This is when I hit a home run at Claremont Park.’

‘Wait I remember that! You came running off the field and kissed me in front of your mom, do you remember that?’ Gen asked with a smug smile on her face.

Chris and I shared a look, rolling our eyes simultaneously as Peter said, ‘yeah I remember, it was years ago.’

He pocketed the baseball and entwined his hand with mine. I squeezed his hand once to let him know that I wasn’t mad, if anything at this point I felt bad for Gen— to constantly bring up past moments in a relationship with her ex wasn’t healthy and I didn’t know why she was doing it. Surely it couldn’t have been making her feel good? I’d be heartbroken if Pete and I broke up and bringing up our special moments would only make the pain that much more intense.

‘Alright.’ John reached in and pulled out a piece of paper.

‘Ah, that’s mine!’ Trevor reached over taking it and looking it over with a nostalgic eye, ‘Ah, yes, the Linkin Park concert at the Crystal Ballroom.’

‘Linkin Park?’ Chris scoffed, ‘nerd.’

‘What?’ Trevor sounded outraged, ‘Linkin slaps!’

‘Okay...’ Peter held the time capsule so I could reach in and pull out the next thing, which was a cap. 

I held it up and Pete handed it to John Ambrose, clearly knowing it was his, ‘Hey, McClaren, remember this? This is when you hopped on the bandwagon, and wore this hat every single day.’ 

‘Oh my god,’ John shook his head, clearly remembering giving in to the trend.

‘Wait, Y/N didn't you get a Seahawks T-shirt 'cause you were trying to impress John?’ She smiled, but there was nothing sweet about it.

‘If I did, I don’t remember.’ I answered honestly.

‘If you did, that’s really cute.’ John Ambrose smiled, and it wasn’t creepily but I couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable with the comment anyway. 

Peter must have felt it because he lifted the hand he was still holding to his lips and kissed the back of it before our entwined hands settled back on my hip. He reached into the capsule beside us and pulled out an envelope. 

‘This says “to the future Chris”’ he handed it to her and we all watched, amused as she pulled out $20 and tucked it into her bra.

‘You okay?’ Pete murmured into my ear, his head resting on my shoulder.

‘I am,’ I smiled, turning to kiss his cheek and settling even further into his arms.

‘Okay, you’re next.’ Chris said, gesturing to Gen.

‘Um well it’s empty.’ She crossed her arms over her chest, as if she were accusing us for being at fault for it.

‘That’s impossible.’ Chris scoffed, ‘you put something in there. We all did.’

Gen rolled her eyes, ‘well I don’t know what to tell you, because there’s nothing in there.’ 

I sighed, glancing down to the pizza box beside us and noting the last slice, ‘does anyone want the last slice?’

Peter’s hand swooped in and took it and I shook my head in amusement when he offered me a bite before he ate it. 

‘Well I never thought I’d see the day— Kavinsky sharing his food, must be true love.’ Trevor teased, ducking to avoid Chris shoving him.

‘Must be.’ Pete agreed, barely loud enough for me to hear. We shared a soft look and he kissed my forehead and finished his slice of pizza. 

As I sat there in the arms of the boy I loved, I couldn’t help but once again thank whatever God, whatever deity had blessed me with Peter Kavinsky. Because I honestly didn’t know what I would do without him in my life; he made me whole in a way I didn’t realise I needed before we dated. I’d forever be grateful for him, and I’d never take our relationship for granted, because this was the kind of love they wrote movies about. I was sure of it.

A/N: I’ve had this one gaining traction in my documents for a few weeks. I started writing it a few weeks ago after I watched the sequel to To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before on Netflix, and I only got a thousand words in before I lost motivation for it. I recently picked it back up a few days ago and here we are 9,000+ words later! I hope ya’ll liked it, I’ve added some smut in for the first time in forever, forgive me if it sucks, I’m a bit rusty! 

[ticklikeabomb]

Convincing Loki to help you out - Part 3 (Finale)

Pairing : Avengers x Gender Neutral Plus Size Reader ;  Loki x Gender Neutral Plus Size Reader (platonic)

Warnings : Language, Endgame events altered, Death of character

Word Counts : 1.9k

Once the teams have been split, everyone got into those terrible red and white Quantum Real uniforms Tony designed and circled the entry of the device. "Everyone knows what they're supposed to do", said Steve looking at everyone warmly before his eyes narrowed on your figure to which you grazed at him with a smug smile. They nodded and Natasha commented "See you in a minute" to which you made a grimace, not feeling like it. "Come on Loki Luke, let's get this junk started", you grabbed the God of Mischief and traveled back to 2013 Asgard, ending in the prison district. You saw Loki's room and turned to the present version telling him, "You could at least clean your room." He rolled his eyes before turning towards you, justifying that it wasn't his room but his cell. "Hmm…even in jail you have to be a fancy bitch, don't you?", you commented while passing the cell. 

You saw Rocket and Thor hide and in the middle of a commotion. And then you snapped when seeing Rocket's hand lift. "Don't you dare slap him!", you said through greeted teeth and preventing the hit. "Y/N the mission", whispered Loki. "If I know that you did it, you can say goodbye to that furry thing between your legs", you threatened the Guardian. He swallowed harshly and dropped his hand. "We'll gonna check out what's happening in New York", you said softly to Thor and calmed his anxiety down with some of your powers. Giving a deadly look to Rocket, you grabbed Loki once more and disappeared. 

You ended next to Tony who slightly jumped, "God, you scared me." "What's happening? Tony?", you heard Steve on the comms. "Y/N and Loki are here", answered Scott. Tony commented on Steve's ass and you checked him out. 2012's Loki version began impersonating Rogers once more during his life time and you turned towards him, "You surely like impersonating Steve in particular, hein" and saw Loki's cheeks turn a slight pink shade. "It's ok if you wanna bang him, he surely must be righteous in ALL the places", you joked. "Would you Stop!", he greeted through his teeth making you chuckle and Tony smirk. "I hate you", he tuned towards you. "Yeah, yeah, love you too". Passing him a Pym Particle you told him you were going to check on the events in Vormir.

You arrived after the Keeper finished his famous 'One soul for a soul' part. "Alright Kim Possible what's going on?", you chanted while seeing them fighting each other. You rolled your eyes and sighed before paralyzing the two Avengers. You nodded at the Keeper and said "How's life, Skully?" "Long and empty", he responded. "Yup like my sex life. Happens. " You marched at the former SHIELD agents and they seem in pain. "What are you doing?", asked Clint. Your tone got solennel, "My job." Natasha's eyes widened and she whispered, "You gonna jump aren't you?" "It won't work, it must be someone you deeply love", said Clint. "No shit Sherlock." Turning to Red Skull, you saw him nod. You looked down the cliff and exclaimed before jumping, "This is gonna hurt like a Motherfucker." The only thing that was heard next was your skull fractured on the stone. 

Natasha and Clint woke up, water surrounding them and the most beautiful sky they've ever witnessed. Inside her palm, Natasha had the soul stone in her possession. They sighed and activated the Pym Particle to get back to the present timeline. As planned, everyone arrived at the same time with the Infinity Stones. Some of them let out a happy scream of joy for achieving the Heist until Loki noticed your absence. "Where's Y/N?" He looked at Natasha and Clint and repeated his question with a firmer voice. "Where are they?" They bowed their head and said, "They sacrificed themselves for the Stone." The room quieted down, everyone giving you a minute of respect for what you've done. Loki left the room and ended near the compound's lake. "Why did you do it?", he mumbled to himself. 

In the meantime, Tony carefully inserted the stones on his Gauntlet and Hulk reverse snapped everyone back. They felt the air around them shift and truly realized it worked when Clint's wife called him. Their joy quickly vanished when Thanos' ship shadow rotated above the compound and bombed the place. Recovering their senses, Tony, Steve and Thor marched at their nemesis. The fight 2.0 began. Thanos was on the verge to get Thor when Steve wielded Mjöllnir. "YESSS", shouted Thor. Thanos and Steve fought until it was only The Captain facing Thanos and his army. "On your left", he heard the comms. Two simple words warming his heart. Portals opened up, the World's Mightiest Heroes joining each other for one purpose. One order and everyone ran into battle. 

Before crashing against the army, the right fling was decimated by an unknown force. "ProtoVision" by Kavinsky was blasting in the air. You appeared in a grand entrance, sword in hand, decimating everyone in your passage. The Avengers seeing you alive, proudly shouted into battle. "Hello Thanos, long time no see", you faced the Titan, who tensed at your presence. You didn't give him a chance to respond and attacked. Steve, Tony, Thor and Loki joined you. Each taking a turn on the Titan. At the corner of your eye, you saw Peter fleeing with the Gauntlet and decided to give him a hand. He didn't see the Alien coming behind him at full speed. You intervened the moment the monster was about to stab him but ended stabbing you instead. You fell to the ground, bleeding out. Loki was by your side, "Y/N, hey it's gonna be ok. I'm here." You shook your head and told him to go gets his revenge before, once more, passing away. 

The fight escalated. Doctor Strange had to control the breach before it drowned the place while Thanos called for back-up. The Avengers were on their lasts ressources when Carol Danvers came crashing the Alien Spaceship. It was her turn to face off Thanos. She was keeping the Gauntlet from him while standing her ground. Thanos managed to take the upper-hand and take the Gauntlet back. Tony pushed further by attacking Thanos but was projecting to the ground by the Titan. "I am the inevitable", he proclaimed before snapping his fingers. When he saw it didn't work, you let the masquerade fade away and transformed from Tony to yourself, the Stones glowing on your bare arm. "And I am the beginning and the end", you said with a piercing gaze and snapped. 

You felt the Stone's powers invading you, burning you whole. Thanos and his army vanished while you laid on the ground, breathing weakly. The Avengers kneeled before you and asked how you managed to come back. "I was created to keep the Stones safe and hidden. In doing so, I managed like a cat to have an amount of life chances. Six stones, six lives. I just used the last one. No coming back anymore", you spoke slowly, a silent tear sliding down your face. While you were telling them how you managed to come back, you traced a code in the dusty ground. Natasha noticed your move but quickly focused her gaze back on you dying. "I got my wish. I won't die alone", you said before slightly pushing your sword to Loki's direction. "You're worth it", and with that your body glowingly faded away. 

————-

5 months later

The compound has been in reconstruction after the Grand Battle. Natasha recovered your code left on the dusty ground, tracing every formula with Tony and Bruce's help. Until now it was a dead-end. "If they left this behind it's not a coincidence", said Tony, while scratching his neck. "Sir, there is a delivery guy outside the compound's door", exclaimed F.R.I.D.A.Y. Confusion was written all over their features seeing that the package came from you. They intercepted the delivery guy and asked them about the package. He checked his notebook and declared that they that received instructed to deliver it today. Tony called everyone on their provisory conference room. "Why today?", asked Rhodes. No one had an answer. Inside the box, Tony recovered an USB drive to which he uploaded on the main screen. 

It was a video recording of you facing the camera.

"Hello, if you see this message it means I am no longer. Obviously, otherwise that would be weird me watching this with you. So dramatic, right?", they heard you chuckle and couldn't help smile at the screen. "I know you all loved me and will miss me so much to the point of questioning if life is worth living without me in it, but it is. I would like to use this tragic moment to leave my last impressions and directives to you." 

"Rhodes…would you slap Ross for me. Pleeeasse. I can't stand that one. Squirrel if I find out you slapped him, I will come back and cut not only your furry D but both your hands", you said with a piercing look. "Alright, I get it no slapping, Jeez", spoke Rocket in the room. The others looked at each other confused except for Loki who laughed out loud. "Little Ant, never stop growing, the stars aren't the limit." "Awnnn so cute", exclaimed Scott with a dorky smile on his face. "Clint I have been willing to ask you this for some time now. …WTF is that hAiRcUt ?!? Bruce, Hulk…Hulce, the new look definitely threw me of the grid. Wasn't expecting it but as long as you're in peace that's what matters. And ohh by the love of the cosmos NEVER DAB AGAIN." "Bro what?", Tony turned towards his friend who only shrugged. 

"Thunder Thor out here killing all the humans with that amazing smile. Never stop doing that. Hmm who next? STEVIE-OHHHH, I know what happened in that office. No, I wasn't creeping around like some", you said insinuating it about him. "She knows she means everything to you, trust me for once. The past should stay in the past. It's time for the world to meet the Nomad *winks* you know what you gotta do." Steve's gaze briefly landed on Sam.

"Tony, Metal man himself. You can go rest now. You did good. It's time for your second journey, tiny and cute Morgan. Natasha, the spy of it all. I think I left you a task didn't I. Here let me give you one more hint. 'What you're looking for is closer than you think'. And finally, the one and only God of Mischief, Low-key. It was fun hanging out with you. Who thought you were more than just an amazing haircut. Don't do anything stupid but in case you do, don't forget about me. Take care of our baby."

"Anyway this is fucked up. If I had to choose a song to describe my life it would be Freebird by Lynyrd Skynyrd. It started slow, hesitant, simple before unexpectedly accelerating. The Rock'n'Roll notes overflowing my existence. Yeah you better be ready, sometimes I'm deep ok. Well 'was'. You were my Rock'n'Roll part and I would like to thank you for that. For a small fraction I didn't just exist but I lived. Bye Losers and live freely you little birds. " 

The video ended with you smiling at the camera. 

"Oh I almost forgot, btw, Nick Fury and Maria Hill are Skrulls. Peace!', your voice was heard for the last time on the tape. 

The audience turned towards Fury and Maria, who felt very uncomfortable. They revealed their true identity before 'Fury' declared, "We can explain." 

* gifs not mine, credit to owners*

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[imdoingathingmom]

Why not both? Give me both.

Uhhh reblog and show Peter Parker some support!! Tony Stark is watching 👀