#I will yap for as long as possible

[clarity2electricboogaloo]

Ponyboy and Johnny are in love

In this essay I will-

[majimaisms]

absolutely fascinating to me that this is what majima thinks makoto wants/needs to hear. considering how much he's projecting onto her, and how he sees her as a version of himself, i think one of the logical conclusions to draw here is that this is what majima wants to hear. he wants to be told that someone will be there beside him and that they'll keep him safe no matter what happens.

and she's having none of it. because she is actually too much like majima. she acts as a perfect mirror. and certainly, there's an interpretation of this as majima underestimating her, not giving her enough credit, but i think it's also possible that he's just projecting. believing that this is what she needs to hear doesn't mean he thinks any less of her, just that she is too much like him. his double standard then becomes a matter of something more akin to self-recognition through the other, rather than something that can be boiled down to misogyny.

but here's where things get interesting. this implies that whatever "similarity" exists between them, at least in terms of how self-reliant they are, how "independent" they are, is an illusion. that it's not that makoto is actually too much like majima -- it's that she's the ideal that majima is aspiring to. makoto at this point in the story is a genuine example of what majima only appears to be, was forced to be, and perhaps resents having to be. because why go out of your way, over and over again, to shelter people you strongly identify with (as opposed to just people you care about) if you don't believe it's something everyone, if given the choice, would choose? to have someone to "keep them safe no matter what happens"?

it's the kind of baseline assumption that people make when they think everyone who's a lot like them is exactly like them. a very common pitfall. but he's wrong.

she proves his assumptions wrong. she does not, when given the opportunity, choose that. she asks him to kill dojima and his lieutenants, because she has convinced herself it's what tachibana would've wanted, and she's had enough of people trying to solve her problems for her by protecting or sheltering her, without her input. "helping" makoto has to be done on her terms now. and the first words to come out of her mouth as she's dying? expressing shame for failing to accomplish her goals on her own. for not being able to be self-reliant enough.

and majima tried to discourage her from taking revenge on the dojima family because it's "not who she is," and he "can't imagine that's who her brother was." because he sees her as better than himself, too good, too pure, too soft, and he wants to preserve that in her. and this time it's because he thinks they're too different. but he's actually wrong again. he's both not giving himself enough credit here, and giving her too much. because he's uncharitable to himself, and too charitable to her. but they are the same in this. and the moment she's in danger, he's the one seeking vengeance, for her, in her stead, just like she did with tachibana.

they both think the ultimate sacrifice you can make in the name of love is to compromise your values, your principles. do the unspeakable thing, do the "wrong" thing, as long as that's what it takes to keep your loved ones safe.

it takes sera spelling it out to majima that bloodying his hands for makoto's sake will hurt her more than it will help her to stop him killing dojima. and majima goes ballistic at the suggestion that even the ultimate sacrifice is not enough to protect her, to save her from a lifetime of being a target for the tojo. (an organization he has sworn unwavering loyalty to, by the way, and is trying to crawl back into.)

majima's "hannya" side has never been about his own retaliation, his own revenge. it's always been for the sake of people he cares about, and makoto is the most prominent example of this. but more importantly, she also is exactly like this. majima lists nishitani, sagawa and lee as the people he learned from in y0. and they certainly were the people he modeled mad dog after and learned important life lessons from. but i think #1 on that list is and always will be makoto, followed by sera. because he would never have found the strength to become mad dog if he had not watched makoto do it first.

makoto has a level of emotional strength that majima lacks but is drawn to and inspired by. her whole life, she has been protected by "older brothers" who took care of her like a little sister -- tachibana, lee, majima. she has had to fight for her independence to be recognized.

majima has had no one. he's too independent. but it's not by choice. and he wants to be protected and taken care of. this is the one thing they are opposites in and i think what makes them such compelling parallels and contrasts to each other, as well as people who had a lot to learn from each other but ultimately needed the exact opposite of what they could give each other. yakuza 0 the game that you are

[puppppppppy]

Why are ppl scared to call it what it is and say we’re still going thru covid on top of seasonal illness. Like. That’s pretty important right. I was watching the news and they were like oh yeah we have an unprecedented number of flu cases “as well as other sicknesses” without actually saying Covid. No announcement abt vaccinations or masking or anything. Also if I hear someone joking abt “war flashbacks” for mentioning covid I fucking hate u

[feroluce]

For reasons to be expanded upon at a later date (because I love the little bits about Boothill and possible paranoia/betrayal canon gives us so very dearly HNGH) I think Boothill like... He won't let himself fall into disrepair or anything of course, but he reeeeeeeeeeally does not like letting other people poke around at his body. It's a necessary evil to him. He does whatever maintenance and repairs he can himself. He started out with a massive knowledge deficit, simply because he didn't really have any exposure to that kind of technology until he left Aeragan-Epharshal, but he's taught himself a lot since then, he worked really hard at it!

Anyway, the point being, Boothill generally isn't super trusting of people.

But I think he would come to make an exception for Himeko, since he trusts Dan Heng a lot, and Himeko is one of Dan Heng's once-in-a-lifetime dearly beloved companions.

Himeko is so unflappable, I don't think she would even bat an eye about anything he throws at her, either. Like she enters the Parlor Car one morning (she's always the first one up) and Boothill is already there, waiting for her.

"Mornin', Madam Navigator."

"Good morning, Mr. Boothill."

And despite the fact that he blatantly broke into the Express (Pom-Pom is NOT happy about this JDKSAJDSKL), Boothill tips his hat, greets her politely, and is nothing but respectful when he says he has a favor to ask of her. Except it won't stay a favor long, of course- he has every intention of paying it back.

Himeko never agrees to things blindly, but she does bring up that all the knowledge Boothill contributed during the Charmony Festival was essential to preventing the universe from being pulled into Ena's Dream. And they were able to hold onto the Jade Abacus because Boothill used Tiernan's burial relic to summon the Galaxy Rangers instead. The Astral Express owes him a debt of gratitude, and besides, he's a friend of Dan Heng's. Of course she'll try to help him.

Boothill fidgets a bit, quickly brushes off the thanks, and tells Himeko he's having a problem with error codes. He keeps getting the same one, seemingly at random times, but the darn thing has no obvious cause. Dan Heng mentioned Himeko had been the one to rebuild the Astral Express. He knows it ain't the same, but it's not like he's askin' for any major repairs or nothin'. He was wonderin' if she could just take a look, maybe offer him some insight, since she seems to be somethin' of a mechanical wonder.

So Himeko walks him back to a another car, where she goes to tinker with machines without them crowding her bedroom. It's all neatly laid out and organized, and it only takes a second for Himeko to locate some specific device with a long cord. Instead of plugging it in herself, she holds the end of it out to him, like an offer rather than a demand, and Boothill visibly relaxes a bit. He still eyes it just a little warily for a second, but he accepts and plugs it into the port on his side.

Himeko pulls up the list of all recent errors, and they really are all the same. Boothill has had multiple temperature alarms over the past couple of weeks since the Charmony Festival, and they know it's not the environment, because Penacony is mostly dreamscape and kept mild year-round. The long-forgotten natural deserts are too far away.

Boothill is staring from the corner of his one good eye, so Himeko turns the hologram to let him see what she's doing easier. They don't appear to be false alarms. His internal temperature spikes and then slowly lowers again, high enough that if it lasted it would eventually cause damage.

One option is for her to start rooting through personal data, figuring out what he was doing at the time of each code, and tracing cause and correlation.

Instead, Himeko reads out the timestamps, and asks Boothill if he minds sharing what was happening around him when it occured.

Two weeks ago: He and Dan Heng went to explore Dreamflux Reef and found a bar- nice place, good atmosphere. Woman runnin’ it was a doll. Boothill left fer not even two minutes to get them drinks (Dan Heng knows like nothin’ about liquor, Madam Navigator, can you believe this guy) and when he came back, someone had already stolen his seat and was hittin’ on Dan Heng! Dan Heng didn't even care, just shooed ‘em off. Boothill laughed and said not to let him get in his way if he wanted to meet someone. Dan Heng looked at him like he'd grown a second head. Why would he want to leave with someone else, when he came here to be with Boothill?

Twelve days ago: While laying low- er, just rustlin’ up some grub- in the Moment of Blue, Boothill passed Dan Heng with March and Caelus playin’ on the beach, buildin’ sandcastles and the like. When he passed by again almost two hours later, they were still out there, with Dan Heng pullin’ March through the water on her inner tube and Caelus hangin’ off the back of it. He swam so fast! You'd think he was part water snake or somethin’. He looked happier ‘n a cat in a sunbeam… He has a nice smile, doesn't he?

Eleven days ago: Boothill was killin’ time in Dreamflux Reef when he turned the corner down a shady alley and saw Dan Heng, surrounded by three men demandin’ “protection money.” None of ‘em stood a chance, they were all on the ground before Boothill even blinked! So cool! Boothill wants to see that spear of his closeup- Anyway, Dan Heng stepped on one of ‘em on his way out, hahaha! Boothill stepped on the same guy a second time as he hurried to catch up.

Eight days ago: Here on the Express, actually. Boothill had mentioned bein’ curious about the archives, and Dan Heng personally invited him.

(“I remember that day, I saw you in the hall.” “Was there any problem with the heating that day?” “No, none. I don't think the temperature has anything to do with these error codes. I have a different theory, keep going.” “If ya say so.”)

Boothill was fascinated by an entry on aeons, and from a single question he asked about Lan, the two of ‘em ended up talkin’ fer hours. About aeons and Paths and Emanators, Acheron and Self-Annihilators, the Sea of Nihility, Tiernan, the Nameless and the Galaxy Rangers, their burial relics and their customs. Dan Heng finally just started writin’ and editin’ the entries in real time, with Boothill pointin’ things out and tellin’ him what to add in. They were at it so late that Boothill ended up sleepin' on a couch in one of the cars.

He'd figured there had to be something to make Dan Heng chatty- he'd caught just a glimpse of it that first night they met, sittin’ at the bar in the Reverie together. He'll have to ask about the archives more often, if it gets him all revved up like that.

One week ago: After that night of energetic discussion, Dan Heng was apparently hyped up, because after he'd downed some of Himeko's coffee (“You had some too, right? What did you think of it?” “It was great, even better'n chewin’ bullets!” "Thank you! That was my newest brew, I can't wait for everyone else to try it.") he actually asked Boothill to go hunting with him. Boothill asked who their target was, and was surprised when Dan Heng pulled out photos that looked like they were from March's camera, of all things, instead of a bounty or wanted poster.

And as he sat there, studying these pictures, Dan Heng explained that he wanted to hunt down these specific memory zone memes to record them into the archives. Planets with so much memoria are a rarity, especially with the Stellaron's activity thrown into the mix, which has surely affected the local “wildlife.” He might not get another opportunity like this for a long time. And Boothill had talked last night about his extensive expertise in tracking and hunting, so he should have plenty to offer here, Dan Heng would like to learn from his experience and see how he does things!

And oh, Madam Navigator, by the time Dan Heng was done speakin', his eyes were practically sparklin'! Just lit up like the sun! Boothill could scarcely believe it! The two of them couldn't even wait another day, they set out that very morning. It had been a long, long while since Boothill had tracked someone- er, somethin’- without the intent to capture or kill. It was…actually really nice. Nostalgic, but in a good way. It might even have been his favorite day on Penacony…so…far…

Boothill trails off as a couple of realizations crash into him. All the temperature alarms he's spoken about thus far- they've all happened in the company of Dan Heng. And now that he's thinking about it, he's pretty sure even the ones he hasn't yet talked about were with him, too. Dan Heng has been responsible for all of his error codes, every. single. one.

The screen in front of Himeko suddenly refreshes to the top of the list, displaying a new notification for the current time. Alert! Core temperature above normal range.

Himeko's knowing smile is sly as a snake.

Wwwwwelp, would ya look at the time, Boothill has some errands to meet, people to run, y’know how it is, he should really get goin'-

“Oh, Mr. Boothill? About that favor.” And Boothill jolts to a stop in the doorway because fudge, he can't just leave without hearing her out. He'd given his word. He has no problem running out on someone he thinks deserves it, but Himeko really had been kind to him to try and help him out. Her voice is just as knowing as her smile, Boothill can't turn around to look at her, or else he knows he won't be able to disguise the sound of his cooling fans kicking on.

“Don't make Dan Heng wait too long, ok~?”

“Y-Yes, ma'am.”

[cementcornfield]

Offseason Thoughts!!

ok i know a lot of people are dreading this offseason because it’s going to be Long it’s going to be Dramatic, but honestly i’m so here for it. like lowkey i love this time of year because really it’s the time for completely unbridled optimism in a lot of ways. if we do A, B, and C, who’s to say that that doesn’t fix the team and we win the super bowl next year? you literally can’t know for sure that it WON’T work!! (i didn’t say it was a time for realism, i said optimism, perhaps delusionally so 🥲) 

plus i’m just genuinely interested in all the roster building stuff. figuring out contracts and how those might work, free agency, the draft and everything that those things entail - love it! all about it! so if you’re a sicko like me who IS into all of this (and i completely understand if you aren’t because it WILL be exhausting) i thought i’d make a little overview about the things we’ll be dealing with over the next several months. 

Here is a list of all the internal free agents we are going to have to make decisions on, along with their expected cost and the likelihood of us keeping them

^Here is our expected cap space for the next few years (taking into account expected cuts like Rankins, Hubbard, and Cappa) plus some extra commentary.

as you can see, we have MORE than enough cash and cap space to be very aggressive this offseason. will we be? it’s certainly not in our reputation to do so, but they HAVE been making baby steps over the last few years to catch up to the modern nfl. the most recent example of which is firing coaches like lou before their contracts are up! very uncharacteristic of the brown family. and i think this reflects rumblings you hear on twitter that the organization is frankly embarrassed at how this season went (rightfully so). so i think you can expect they will do SOME things to reflect this urgency, even if it’s not as much as we’d like them to do. 

the biggest decisions to be made: what do we do about tee?? what do we do about trey?? and then of course extending ja’marr, which i don’t think is a decision at all for anyone, but they’ve gotta decide how to do it to make both sides as happy as possible, when they struggled with that right up to the first game last season 😭

Tee: obviously if you’ve been following this blog you know i want to keep tee. i think we can pull it off and i think it will be beneficial to the team long term. but there is an argument to be made regarding his durability/injuries and whether the resources we’d spend on him would be better spent elsewhere like on fixing our historically bad defense. however, to that i say that we’re actually already one of the biggest spenders in terms of cap space on defense, and it didn’t help at all lmao. once we get rid of people like sheldon rankins and sam hubbard, who are definitely no longer worth the value of their contracts, we will free up a significant portion of the cap and use it to find better value free agents that can help us. the strategy going from overpaying for bad players to paying average amounts for average players. because with a top 5 offense like we had this year, we truly only need an average defense, unlike the HISTORICALLY bad one we had this year!

(now a caveat to this is if the bengals would actually show they’re willing to go all out and spend BIG on the BEST defensive free agents, then perhaps that’s worth more than keeping tee. but the only thing with that is that i just don’t believe the bengals would do it either way. even in 21 when we fixed our whole defense with free agency, we still did it by acquiring a bunch of smaller name value free agents, who ended up performing far above what the market thought they would. and i imagine that will be the strategy by the FO whether we keep tee or not.) 

you can also say that a large part of our FO’s failure the last few seasons has been that we aren’t keeping our Known Talents. we drafted and developed jessie bates into a star, and then we let him go because we thought we could easily replace his value for cheaper in FA and the draft….and three years later safety is still a huge hole on our roster. DJ Reader is another example of a key player for our team that we thought we could replace and we failed dramatically. looking at tee, who is the replacement we have in line? jermaine?? for SO MANY reasons that is no longer a viable plan lmao. Someone in FA? this is a weak FA class. so we’d let tee walk and then probably end up overpaying for a lesser talent? what’s the point of that? okay maybe we draft a WR high to replace tee? well i’m hearing that it’s also not a great WR draft. and to expect a first year rookie to come in and offer even half of what tee does is also not a super sound strategy! (not to mention we’d have to spend a high draft pick that should probably be used on defense!) 

tag tee? maybe! but i don’t think it’s as likely as extending him at this point. the second tag will be expensive (i think over 25k? maybe 26k) and that takes up a big chunk of our cap space if that’s what we’re worried about. plus it will piss off tee, to be tagged twice and not given the benefit of being able to get a long term deal? with his injury history especially? players hate that shit. i think it’s more beneficial for both parties to just do an extension at that point if we want to keep him. you can spread the cap hit out easier for the team, and tee won’t have to worry about his long term security as much. 

ANYWAY this got long, honestly tee should have just been his own post lmao. but this situation is deifnitely the most interesting to me and seeing how it goes will be FASCINATING. 

Trey: he requested a trade last offseason because he knows that his current contract is significantly less than he deserves for the value he offers (and that was BEFORE he got first team all pro and led the entire nfl in sacks this season, oh god 🥲) we have him under contract, but would he be willing to play under it? or would he retire like he threatened to? i’m honestly not sure, and i hope it doesn’t come to us finding out. we need to keep our star players happy, which means we need to figure something out here. do we extend him? he just turned 30, which the FO always frowns upon when it comes to extensions lol BUT he also just had his best year? i don’t think even our idiotic FO could say that just because his age starts with a 3 now means he’ll be washed next season or even the season after. what i’m seeing on twitter is that he’s expected to get at least one more deal of 2-3 years. and looking at the age of elite edge guys in the league, i think that that’s fair! and if you ask me, completely and totally worth it to keep trey. i mean jesus, who do we even have on defense if we lose him?? i think this one is a no-brainer, we’ve gotta offer him an extension for more money and i think he’d still be willing to take a reasonable deal to stay. 

Ja’Marr: oh my god. i’m still filled with SO MUCH RAGE when i think back to how CLOSE we were to getting him signed last offseason. we were RIGHT THERE. all the rumors were saying it was basically a done deal!! all the numbers and years were agreed upon!!! but our cheap-ass FO couldn’t just get over themselves and structure the guarantees to match how most deals are done in the rest of the league!! they showed they’re willing to do a modern structure for Joe, they need to show they’re willing to do it with the rest of our stars. especially our first team all pro triple crown winning stars!! jesus christ!!!

the only thing that offers me some comfort is that ja’marr is still on the same path, contract-wise, as Justin Jefferson. they also couldn’t get over the hump before his fourth year even when both parties wanted to, and he ended up signing a massive contract in june the next year. i’m hoping that we can accomplish the same on a similar timeline because oh my god i do not need all the drama of ja’marr missing training camp again! and when you look at all the other WRs up for an extension this offseason (garrett wilson probably the only one who even comes slightly close to ja’marr’s level), i think it’s fair to say that ja’marr is setting the market whenever he signs. then like with justin’s last year, the other WRs will all sign slightly below. so i’m hoping hoping hoping that there’s no motivation on either side to drag this out. but of course, we’ll see!! 

and then we’ve gotta think about the lesser free agents like Mike G, Mike H, BJ, Germaine…i have no idea what we do with them. i’d like to retain Mike G…..the three defensive vets i dunno! they’re good locker room leaders…mostly? they’re still solid if not losing a step. should we bring them back for reasonable vet deals? probably?? can we find better value in FA?? i’m honestly not sure. like you don’t want to lose these guys but it’s also hard to say that we should keep them at all costs when you look at the defensive performance last year. i just don’t know here. i’d hope we keep at least one of them? BJ maybe being the most important in my eyes? 

there’s so much more to talk about honestly but i’ll stop yapping for now! what do you guys think we should do?? i’d love to hear your thoughts! 

[dia-viller]

I like a theory that when Brom was dying and he glanced at the place where Murtagh was standing, he thought that it was just a hallucination of the young Morzan. That is why he didn't react to Murtagh

[nach0]

wanted to draw fanart for @remxedmoon's isatscryption au but i realised i didn't actually know the plot yet which. whoops! so i settled for chucking my oc at it

OH YEAH INSCRYPTION IS 60% OFF ATM!! Consider this my official propaganda to go get this game

[klutzytomb]

I never thought I'd say this, but there's no way I'm one of the only ones here that isn't chronically online. Right? Right??

[ruraljew]

i haven't been able to stop thinking about something my "friend" said this past friday night. she and i were supposed to go to service together but missed the memo that there was no service that night, so we went to dinner instead.

we talked for a while and eventually got around to the topic of knowing when you're ready to officially complete the conversion process. she and my rabbi keep telling me that i am the only one who will know when i'm ready, and it's my job to let him (rabbi) know that i am ready. and since i am (that's why i reached out to him in the first place after four years of deep consideration and now four months of active study and practice) i tell this friend, "yes, i am ready"

but she tells me, "no, you're only just now ready to even consider commitment." telling me that i'm still in the honeymoon phase and this choice is something i have barely contemplated

keep in mind we have only actually met twice, and she barely knows me. it kind of floored me, stunned me. she keeps calling me a jew as if im already part of the tribe and then turns around and tells me how i feel as if she has any clue in the world about what this means to me. telling me that i only think that im ready. she hardly ever lets me get a word in through her presuppositions about my commitment simply because ive only been able to actively practice for just four months.

i suppose the only point of this was to rant since i don't really have anyone in my life who could understand the situation.

it just makes no sense - "only you will know when you're ready" "okay you're right i'm ready" "well no actually you're not" "okay then what does 'ready' really look like then? since my 'ready' doesn't fit your 'ready'" "see, since you're even asking that question at all it means that you aren't ready" LIKE WHAT HELLO

[echinocereus]

the thing about me is that if enough of my mutuals incessantly talk about a singular piece of media its only a matter of time that i check it out

hate to say it but peer pressure absolutely works on me

[nekrosmos]

Suffering one more day here, then I'm visiting one of my besties, then I'm going home. I can do this 💪

[cervinae-canine]

This isn't completely related to selfshipping but i unironically love making up shipnames for my s/i and the tf2 characters.

[also to note: some of these are not canon; pyro and scout are friends; and saxton hale is just kinda there. idk he's alright.]

Engineer x Morale: Radio Repair

Soldier x Morale: Roger That

Spy x Morale: Esprit de corps, Radio Drama

Medic x Morale: Herzschlag / Heartbeat

Demoman x Morale: Boombox

Sniper x Morale: Radio Silence, National Outback

Heavy x Morale: Tea and Jam

Scout x Morale: Skip Distance

Pyro x Morale: Smoke Signals

Miss Pauling x Morale: Two-way Radio

Saxton Hale x Morale: Mating Calls [this one is just dumb ignore]

Proships DNI

[majimaisms]

on that note. forever thinking about that one guy on twitter who was INSISTING that majima would be homophobic and everyone argued against him i think we shouldve heard him out. i think maybe he had a point

[puppppppppy]

adhd comix

[yellllowstar]

slowly I'm recovering the beauty of discovery

(creature by half•alive)

(textless + timelapse below cut)

[yoichiue]

the absolute GRIP caleb from Lds has on me right now ....