#I will remain vague until I can actually write up thoughts

[raifuujin]

Eventually I'll write my thoughts about stuff from the now long confirmed movie spoilers and manga events. Most of it would probably be summed up with ranting about writing (more because of the manga, but also a little because of The movie Thing), and a little bit of pros and cons of it all as far as my opinion.

But at the end of it all, it'll really only change fandom as much as you allow it. Some people are personally unhappy, and that's fine. Many probably won't let it affect their fanworks, no different from any other work with various tweaks or even aus. If people do start harassing for stupid reasons, get some block buttons ready. If the new information encourages new story ideas, that's great!

I personally like juggling possibilities, I just don't like Gosho's use of ideas nowadays, so. -sighs and shrugs- Same old same old, I guess. Even if this time caused a lot bigger drama than usual because of valid concerns.

[etheries1015]

Hellooo 1st I just wanna say that I love how you write! The fics you post almost always puts a smile on my face when I’m stressed and I just wanna thank you for that <3

Anyways I’ve been accidentally rizzing my friends up lately on accident with sweet words and I ended up thinking what would the biggest tsundere (literally) in twst do with an s/o who’s very generous with compliments and poetic with words and is shameless with how cheesy they can sound sometimes

I’m so sorry if my request is too vague huhu, have a good day! <3

THHAANNKK YOU *SMOOCHES* *GNAWS ON UR LEG* I LOVE U and may happier and less stressful times come ahead for you!

although you didn't specify which character...I picked who I believe to be the top three tsudneres of the game. Heuheuehu.

The prefects muse~

In which you find yourself utterly bemused by him, throwing out compliments and lines of infatuation that leave him a flustered wreck. How does he react to someone as valiantly passionate as you regarding your sweet words of honey?

Featuring: Idia, Riddle, Azul

Idia

Idia convinced himself you were just another introverted loser who had no care in your mind for other people, keeping to yourself, enjoying video games, and always open for degernate hours of playing video games.

what he did NOT know he was signing himself up for, was some sort of weird poet club bullshit. Yet there he was, sitting on the couch of the ramshackle dorm playing away at the new console he had gifted you he could feel your gaze burning the back of his head. Turning around slowly and almost with dread, your shit-eating grin blinded him with words of sweet-sweet cringe.

"Watching you play video games you can truly see how serious you are, it's adorable," Idia groaned with cheeks burning a bright shade of pink, burrying himself into the couch, "Ah~ I wish you would look at me like that, with such passion..."

"ugh..whhyy..." Idia murmured embarrassingly avoiding your gaze and remaining strong in holding himself together at your routine daily compliments.

"I can't help it!" You cried out theatrically, "Idiiaa...I can be like a video game. Play me, too!" That comment broke something inside of him that was supposed to be stayed hidden, his blue hair changing a bright shade of pink to signify the extent of his flustered state. You only giggled at this, as Idia attempted to hold in all self control by taking his hoodie, hoping the couch would just take him then and there.

Over time he became used to the fact that you would openly flirt with him, although that never stopped the second hand embarrassment that came along with it. What he wont tell you, though, that behind the rosey cheeks and tsundere display of dislike for your antics, was a heart that beat quickly and mind that secretly enjoyed your poetic and "old cringy" way of loving him.

Which just means your flirting is working, keep it up! <3 But maybe try to hold back in front of other people, he isn't sure how much more he can keep deflecting their raised eyebrows and teasing remarks...

riddle

Being someone who is well versed in the world of poetry and literature, he could often pin point where some of your lines may come from. His way of deflection is either correcting your sentences, or retorting with the next line. What he DOESN'T know how to deflect, is the string of compliments you give him on a day to day basis. At first he simply thought you were being kind in complimenting the way his hair shone in the sunlight- until Cater pointed out that your remarks were anything but the norm. That's when Riddle took more notice to it, realizing that your lines of poetry was not an exercise of the brain, yet an actual technique to flirt with him.

and it was working.

"Riddle~" You sang in the halls of heartslabyul, skipping much to his annoyance.

"Do not jump around in the halls," He chastised you, "What is it?" You gave him a mischievous smile with a toothy grin to match, clearing your throat and standing straight.

"My bounty is as boundless as the sea, My love as deep; the more I give to thee, The more I have, for both are infinite."

Silence reigned for a few moments as Riddle blinked a few times, squinting his eyes to give you his typical "poker face."

"Is this another one of your attempts to 'flirt' with me?" He asked, you leaning against the wall and running your fingers through your hair in a flirty and playful manner. You nodded eagerly, to which Riddle gave a sigh and walked past you to continue whatever he was doing prior to your poetic interruption. Your jaw slacked open and you skipped (again, to his annoyance) to catch up to him.

"I swear I saw a smile! Turn around and show it to me, Riddle! Was that one good? Did I capture your heart finally?" You giggled, seeing how Riddle was obviously ignoring your feeble cries of searching attention.

Yet you were correct, he couldn't help but find his cheeks as red as a rose and lips curling up in a bashful smile. He would not allow you to see how you affect him, however.

Riddle tends to just ignore your flirting, now that he has come accustomed to it. Even in front of people when you would openly compliment him, Riddle continued sipping his tea seemingly unbothered. Whenever he would get strange looks to find an explanation to your questionable behavior, he simply shrugged.

"Do not mind them, they are always like this."

But at night by his lonesome, he was repeating your words in his head a million times over, that same rose colored tint upon his cheeks and smile with a blanket hard on his grip. Perhaps giggling a time or two to himself...for he never met someone as brazen as you. Not that he was actually complaining, though.

Azul

Flirting with Azul was always a treat. His reactions were the most flamboyant out of the other tsundere boys, he never failed to get some sort of remark and complaint out of his mouth whenever you sang praises his way. He attempted to be calm and collected, but the blush that painted his cheeks betrayed his cool demeanor.

"Is that a new coat, Azul? Ohohoh you do look dashing, If I do say so myself. Did you style your hair? The way it frames your face really brings out your features-"

"Stop, stop stop! Why must you feel the need to shower me in complimets?!" He cried out, burying his face into his arms upon the deak. The pink on his ears was also unforgiving for the poor merman. You chuckled and sat next to him, patting his shouders.

"I can't help it! If I see something I like, I must voice it out. Is it too plain? I can try and be more poetic. Let's see..." You used your hand to pull his chin, forcing his gaze to meet with yours. You inwardly teased him at the vibrant hue of his cheeks and flustered face, keeping it in as you leaned forward to gaze deeply into his eyes.

"Your eyes," you started, "Shine far brighter than any I have seen, even the most silver and sparkly of diamonds pale in comparison to your-"

"e-e-enough! W-what is this?!" Azul pulled away, tucking his head back into his arms and groaning, "Just...go back to what you were doing before! None of this...diamond...and..." He trailed off, words failing him. Azul was not used to such praises from others, he spent his entire life believing the worst every moment he caught glance in a mirror with a life time of self esteem issues. So hearing you so openly compliment him always left the man flustered and blushing, cringing at every moment you tried to stroke his ego.

He never truly get's used to it, only finds ways to ignore you. When you're around others and began to make a sly comment about how his hands look nice or how his skin looks that particular day, he closes his eyes and avoids anyone's gazes with a face full of color that even the coral of the sea could not compare. He often gets teased by his fellow classmates for this, but never actually speaks up in distaste to you. He could never admit just how much your persistent compliments thoroughly means to him, and how with every word he finds himself looking in the mirror with a little more enthusiasm than he once had.

~~~

yes I like to use the headcannon that Idias hair changes color when he has really strong emotions aosdjflkasdjf

[stellamancer]

between the moon’s divide (satoru gojo x reader)

notes: uh. a week ago i thought to myself ‘oh i want to write a kiss scene’ thinking it would take me a day or two but no it took a week of me agonizing over... everything lmao.

contains: gender neutral reader, gojo is taller than the reader (as usual), some kind of tension, and finally kissing!!

wc: 2.1k

It’s sometime past midnight when you run across Satoru Gojo standing in the school’s courtyard. 

Unable to sleep, you’d taken to the halls. It’d become a habit by now, wandering the corridors like a restless ghost until sleep could evade you no longer. You’d actually been heading back to your room when you’d seen him, statuesque as he bathed in moonlight. You’d been vaguely aware that Gojo was not much of a sleeper, but you’d never run into him on one of your nighttime strolls. 

You come to a stop, observing Gojo as he stares up at the moon. It’s very odd for him; to be still, to be silent. 

Naturally, it doesn’t last for long.

“Finally here for our romantic moonlight rendezvous?” he asks, his tone playful, his gaze still fixed on the moon above. 

You can’t help but feel mildly annoyed that he’s noticed you at this distance. “As if. I was just wondering if maybe you were thinking about returning to your home planet.”

Gojo hums as you step out onto the courtyard, approaching him. "And leave you here? You'd be lonely without me.” 

You wait until you and Gojo are standing side by side to respond, not sparing him a glance as you retort, “Actually, I think you’d be the lonely one.”

At first, you don’t think much of the words that come out of your mouth. It’s habit to take anything Gojo throws at you and hurl it right back at him. The words play back in your mind as you tilt your head up to gaze up at the moon. It dominates the midnight sky, larger and brighter than anything else in the expanse above. Something about it reminds you of Gojo, strong, brilliant, and—

Lonely.

“You think?” he asks, sounding almost amused, as if you’d said something funny. 

“Probably?” you answer. "Though, I don't know, maybe your home planet is full of more Satoru Gojos and you would all be one happy collective, feeding into each other's egos and all that."

The thought of more than one Satoru Gojo, much less a whole planet full of them is enough to make your head throb with pain. The world has enough problems with one alone.

"...and what if there's no one else there?" 

You blink, and turn your head just slightly toward Gojo. He's still looking up at the moon, his expression almost melancholic. Something in your chest aches at the sight and you look back at the moon as if that will ease the pain.

It makes sense for him to think like that, to think his home planet would be deserted— all your lives you've been told how he's unique, how he's special, how he's the one and only Satoru Gojo. The thought, the notion that there could be another like him is near incomprehensible.

(There was one, someone, who came close and he—)

"Then don't go."

The words are barely audible, escaping your mouth like a whisper in the breeze. You're not even sure if you actually said them because under normal circumstances you'd keep such words to yourself, bury them deep inside your heart like a well-kept secret because in Satoru Gojo's hands those three words are little more than ammunition.  

And as much as you loathe the thought of giving him something else he can weaponize against you, you think he needs it right now. Even with the weight of the world on his shoulders, his hands remain ever empty, ready and willing to take on more burden. If you're going to give him something to hold, it might as well be something he can find some measure of joy in. 

You expect Gojo to cut to the chase and start teasing you. Hesitation is a foreign concept to him, especially with the prospect of something new to play with, but he is uncharacteristically silent. Against your better judgment, you turn your head back toward him and find that he is no longer looking up at the moon.

He’s looking at you. 

Your breath stills in your chest. The bright gleam of Gojo’s eyes is a curse in of itself, rooting you to the core. You’ve never been good at dealing with Gojo like this. Stupid as that blindfold of his looks on him, it acts as a buffer, as a shield. You want to look away. You have to look away before the shocking hue of his gaze pulls you in, traps you, ensnares you with no hope of escape.

Gojo moves, shifting into a position that brings him down to your height, facing you fully as he unleashes the full power of his stupidly brilliant blue eyes on you. He leans just the slightest bit in your direction. Your heart rate climbs higher and higher as he inches closer. A voice in the back of your mind tries to remind you, to reassure you: this isn’t the first time that Satoru Gojo has pulled this kind of trick on you, and it won’t be the last. He’ll creep closer and closer toward you, taunting you, teasing you, but the space between you will forever remain infinite. 

But then he presses his forehead to yours and all bets are off. 

You need to get away from him. Now. You take a step back, to put some space in between you. It might be finite, but some space is better than none. But even though you’ve taken a step back you find that you are no further than Gojo than you were before, your foreheads still pressed together.

What in the world? You swear you took a step back.

Something in your peripheral shifts and your eyes flicker down for just a second, catching the corner of his mouth twitch. He knows exactly what he’s doing. Then it clicks. You’re so used to seeing him using his technique to push everything away, to make himself untouchable, that you often forget that it’s not the only thing he can do. HIs power doesn’t only repel.

It attracts too. 

Your heartbeat grows erratic at the realization that the once infinite space between you is now all but obsolete. Like this, you’re far too aware of him; aware of his hair, brushing softly against your face, aware of his breathing, echoing loud in your ears, aware of his lips—

“...what are you doing?” you finally manage to whisper after what feels like an eternity. 

As soon as the words leave your mouth, you nearly regret them. The question is begging for trouble, inviting it and the inevitable teasing from Gojo. But still you ask— you have to, you need to. It feels counterintuitive, but you need the distraction of his answer and the annoyance it’s sure to bring to cut through the thoughts, the feelings that are threatening to swallow you whole. 

You expect his response to come instantly like it always does, but… it doesn't. Something stutters in your chest at the change in routine. Is he being purposely silent? Or is he actually thinking about his words before they come out of his mouth for once? 

Finally, finally, he speaks, his voice low and teasing for sure, but there's something else there, diluting his tone, laced in his words. It's subtle, but whatever it is throws you completely off balance. "I thought you said 'don't go.'" 

Your mouth opens. You start to speak. But no words come out, instead they are lodged in your throat— honesty and reluctance mangled together in one huge lump. The thought occurs to you to just leave them there, unspoken. But, you wouldn't put it past Gojo to try and rip them free; with that in mind you pull at the words, unraveling them before releasing them into the night air. "…I did." 

It's official now: you've gone off script and you both know it. 

Gojo pulls back, just enough for you to see his face clearly. You think he's going to tease you for your admission, but instead, he studies you, his eyes probing, searching. You don’t know what for, but with no buffer, no infinity between you, it feels almost as if you are laid bare before the hypnotic glow of his eyes. 

Try as you might, you cannot even bring yourself to look away. You are charmed, captivated, enchanted by the spell of his eyes. Any hope for escape is gone and the only things that remain are you and the limitless blue.

Something shifts in Gojo’s expression and you wonder, distantly, if he’s found whatever it was he was looking for. 

He surges forward, pressing his forehead to yours once more, angling himself, positioning himself, and his mouth, his lips—

They’re barely there. Hovering as close as they possibly can without even touching. You can feel his breath, warm and intoxicating and it’s suddenly so hard to move, to think, to even breathe with the threat of Satoru Gojo imminent and about to swallow you whole.

He could, if he wanted and you both know it, and yet…

“Not even gonna try and deny it?” he asks, and you can practically feel his lips moving with each word he speaks. His tone is amused still, teasing still, but there's something more to it. It's like a secret, a plea even, interwoven into his words and actions, loud and unsubtle in a way that screams Satoru Gojo.

You don't know why he doesn't just say what he wants right now. Maybe he thinks it's more fun to try and be coy about it. Or maybe he thinks if he actually says it, you'll refuse like you always do, because you never think he really means it when he says it.

But right now, you think Gojo might.

You think he might really want to kiss you. 

This is your last chance, you think, your lips parting, your response heavy in your mouth. Whatever happens from here on out hinges entirely on what you say next. It’s not just about trying to deny what you said anymore; it's about denying whatever the hell is actually going on between you and Gojo. All this time, you've been turning a blind eye to things, adamant that there's nothing there— that Gojo is just a colleague and nothing more. And despite that, despite everything, he pushed and shoved his way into your heart like it's where he's belonged all along. Those three little words are undeniable proof that there's something between the two of you and it's awfully kind of him to let you try and deny it. 

But can you?

"...no." 

The realization settles in your chest, heavy yet liberating as you breathe the word into the air. You can’t— you won’t deny it, deny him.

Not any more.

Gojo’s entire body goes still, but then his hands are cupping your face, long fingers splayed across your cheeks. He’s holding you like a treasure, his touch reverent. Gojo presses his forehead to yours once more; his breath caresses you once more and you think that maybe, for the first time in his life, Satoru Gojo knows hesitation, feels it running through his veins as the space between your lips and his grows more and more infinitesimally small. 

You like to pretend that you'd never given much thought to how your first kiss with Gojo would go, but you never would have thought that it would be like this— gentle and sweet. But despite that, it feels almost like your chest is going to burst as he fills your lungs, your veins, your entire being.

For just a moment, you think he’s about to pull away, and your body reacts of its own accord, reaching out for him, keeping him close. It’s at this moment that the kiss shifts into something more hungry, more desperate. Gojo’s lips part, his tongue swiping against your lips, begging you to do the same. 

You do not deny him. 

Eventually, eventually you pull away, dazed and out of breath, but Gojo doesn’t let you go too far, his arms wrapping around you. A silence settles around the two of you as you stand there, bathing in moonlight. 

Of course, it doesn’t last for long. 

“You’re really down bad for me, huh,” Gojo remarks, his voice infuriatingly smug.

You rip yourself from his grasp... or, at least, you try to. What you manage to do is free yourself enough so that you can look at his face. Naturally he’s beaming, all too pleased by everything that’s going on, his eyes shining brighter than any star in the sky. 

The words you normally say, the words you usually say, try to force their way out of your mouth, but you catch them before they do. You’ve decided, you remind yourself, you won’t deny him any more. 

“...guess I am,” you answer, as casually as possible, then you add, as a cheeky afterthought, “And what about you?”

The grin on Gojo’s face widens as he leans in and that’s how your second kiss begins.

[haru-dipthong]

Ep 12 of my Utena fansub is out!

私たちも今までいろいろやってきた、疲れたわね

We've been so busy the last few episodes. I'm pooped.

A juicy little indulgence on my part here - the fourth wall break here by the shadow girls does not actually exist in the Japanese (explicitly). I’ll explain why I added it.

Here’s a very literal translation of the individual words above with no thought given to context or adjusting for grammar.

We (also) | until now | various different things | have done up to this point

I believe いろいろやってきた (lit. we’ve done various different things up to this point) is referring to their various performances in a sort of meta way. If we take each appearance of the shadow girls as a semi-in-universe mini stage play, this line is referencing the presence of previous plays within the current play. They’ve played pirates, plate spinners, cowboys, an educational program, and more! Acknowledging these things is tantamount to a performer acknowledging the fact that they’re an actor rather than a character while on stage, so the fourth wall break felt appropriate.

Anya was also happy with the fourth wall break and added that it emphasises the episode as a turning point and helps close out the arc, which I really agree with!

-----

また黙秘するわけね。今のウテナってかっこ悪いよ。何か取られた腑抜けみたい。なんだかわからないけど、取られたら取り返しなさいよ！

Are you clamming up again? You look pathetic right now. Like you let someone steal from you! I don’t know what it was, but if someone took something from you, take it back!

Couple of little things to discuss about this line:

かっこ悪い is often translated as “uncool” or “lame”. This can sometimes be accurate, since it’s the opposite of かっこいい (lit. cool), but in this circumstance those words don’t hit hard enough. This かっこ悪い is more barbed than usual, so I kept the barbs by choosing a different word: pathetic.

“Clamming up” was an off the cuff choice because I felt I’d used “be quiet”, “not talk”, etc too many times in the previous scene to reuse them here. I think it fits with Wakaba’s personality and the current situation pretty well! 黙秘 is defined by jisho.org as “remaining silent; keeping secret”.

腑抜け means “coward” or something similar. I tried phrasing this line a few times to get that word in somehow, but in the end the whole rant just read so much better without forcing it in. Also cps (characters per second) was a concern here.

-----

元気な友達がいるね。

Your friend has quite the personality.

元気 (genki). What a word! Often translated as “energetic”. So often in fact, that even before I checked, I knew that the ohtori.nu translation would have used it, and sure enough!

Your friend is very energetic. (from ohtori.nu)

Along with “eyesore” and “confession (of love)”, this might take the bronze medal for common Japanese words that consistently get translated into very uncommon English words.

Of course, 元気 can literally mean “having a lot of energy”, or simply “well” (as in the opposite of “unwell”). But “energetic” is just such a bad translation for it 90% of the time. I wish I could convey why in words, but in most contexts, the word 元気 and the word “energetic” just feel so different.

Anyway, 元気 has quite a positive nuance, which emphasises the passive aggressiveness of Touga’s comment. The intent with this line is that he’s giving a vague compliment to Wakaba, indirectly (talking about her as if she’s not there), and making it clear that he wishes she wasn’t around. Everything else about the line should be secondary, including the specific meanings of each word.

I think this is emblematic of my general approach to translation — to identify the author’s original intent of a line/scene/work and then write it in a different language with the same intent in mind. Every line, every scene, is trying to do something — I believe it’s the translator’s job to identify what each line and scene is supposed to be doing and preserve that, so media literacy is very important. Sometimes that line is doing exposition, in which case a literal translation of each word is often ideal. Sometimes that line is trying to evoke a feeling, establish a character, or make the audience remember similar experiences, in which case the individual words used matter much less. In this case, the line is attempting to invoke memories of similar experiences of passive aggressive, dismissive comments. And frankly, “Your friend is very energetic” does not do that, so I consider it a poor translation.

-----

Thanks as always to my ride or die @dontbe-lasanya for their awesome editing this episode (and every episode!)

Make sure to follow the blog for episodes as they're released. Go here for all previous episodes:

[sleepyboywrites]

@justkeepscrollingscrolling

Hey all! In case you missed my last post Tumblr updates ruined my life and asks no longer allow you to save as drafts and then update them. Since I normally don't write all in one session I have quite a few in my drafts currently that I have to get creative in actually answering so that you all still get notified when I get around to your asks. Moving forward I'll just answer in one go but for older asks (ones before I noticed/before the update) will be answered like this! Also I haven't written in a while so I apologize if it's shit.

Save a horse ride a cowboy

Masky knew you were raised on a farm. His favorite, albeit slightly teasing pet name for you was 'Cowboy' or 'Farm hand'. He's seen you carry corpses of fully grown men in one arm since joining the proxies. He had confronted you on multiple occasions how and why and you had replied. "I've hauled hay when our tractor broke and carried a newborn filly to the truck to rush to the vet after she wasn't walkin'. I can hold my own Darlin'." And he had been oh so kind to remind you who you belonged to for your lip and sweet farm boy ways. Yet he still sometimes underestimates your strength and in all honesty it's your own fault.

Play fighting and rough housing was nothing at all new. Mostly because Masky suffers from cuteness aggression and you, farm boy, are sturdy enough to handle it as well as dish it out. You two did it so often that if you didn't people assumed you were fighting fighting. On top of this you had a bad habit of letting Masky win because he's just so cute all smug on victory and everyone likes to be shoved into the couch face first by their partner sometimes cause being manhandled is just as fun as manhandling.

That is until one day, a really busy one, you didn't really have the time nor energy to let him win.

Masky had been extra annoying today. Poking and proding and shoving and basically all over you. Normally no complaints whatsoever but you had a shit ton you needed to get done. The list of cleanup tasks you were assigned today was two pages long and with your boyfriend attacking you at every turn in some form of cuteness aggression taking over and possessing him the second he saw your face, you getting fuck all done. Cleanup from the cannibals of the mansion plus the targets of the main proxies (because apparently scrubbing the remains of EJ's lunch off of the kitchen walls for three hours wasn't enough to deal with) had made for an unusually large amount of work for the sole cleanup crew member, you, and you were over it. So as Masky tried to tackle you in greeting for the fifth time today hoping to instigate you to wrestle him and to in turn win and coerce you to get a little 'closer', you just held your ground picked up the corpse in one arm, pried his arms off with a "Hold on Darlin' I have work to finish and I'm running behind. Later." And walked away.

Masky had stood there for a moment with a confused look on his face before the realization struck and he remembered his view of you and your 'softness' was heavily skewed. But once the shock disappears he became determined to genuinely tackle you. Stalking, lurking, and hunting you as you attempted to finish your work as Cleanup. He had proven himself to be quite the pain in your ass as you avoided his attacks and eventually lost him all together getting to finish the long list of tasks you had been assigned. You took a shower changed clothes and were scrolling on your phone on the couch when you finally sensed him again.

His vaguely pissed off and irked in general aura slowly approaching you from behind. You pretended not to notice that he's approaching and place your arms over his as he hugs you, clearly mopey, from behind. "Hm... So we're doing angry cuddles now, are we love?"

Masky didn't reply shoving his face into your neck, you could feel his intrusive thoughts to bite you, his hesitation to do so. Masky begins walking away from you and into the kitchen.

Without warning you chase after him and pick him up as he shouts and squirms playfully trying to escape your grasp and flip the script, "Look, I'm sorry I was avoidin' you, 'm not angry at you darlin, I was just overbooked on what needed done. Now quit your moping." You explained as you threw and pinned him to the couch. Masky going fully silent and still as you pin him down, giving you an odd territorial and excited look. "What?" You ask as he stares up at you, an eyebrow raised.

"Save a horse..." He replied looking you up and down. As it slowly processes in your head what he's referring to and you scoff and chuckle as you shake your head.

[healingagoddess]

Have you seen that picture of the cast that's like "gay high school kid hanging out with the entire english department during lunch"? well I kinda thought of this when I saw it but I'm shy...

-

"Miss Harkness?"

Agatha made sure to draw her head up and lean it against the back of the chair. She flicked the page of her magazine letting it fall slowly (drama queen). "Yes...William."

But he took no offense. He anticipated the needless display of annoyance, could even take it for what it was--all show. "I made those copies you wanted and delivered them to the bio lab."

Miss Harkness gave him one more drawn look before lowering her feet from the coffee table, slapping the low heels of her boots on the laminate flooring. "And you want your next mission, I assume."

The young man slid the rest of his lanky body into the teacher's lounge. Despite being told he was allowed - while he was shadowing her! - he still held a respect for the space that was not his as a student. "Miss Kale told me to come find you."

Miss Harkness rolled her eyes. "She didn't have anything for you?"

He shook his head. "She told me to tell you to stop 'using the children as your personal gophers'."

Agatha finally rose form her chair, letting her magazine fall to the floor without a care. She had the time to mimic the cadence of the words with a high, whiny voice as she dumped out what he presumed was an old, forgotten coffee. "Fine, Teen, back to the dungeon."

She meant her classroom at the other end of the building. Miss Harkness famously referred her classroom being the furthest from the teachers' lounge as banishment. She would sing a little song about walking the witches' road on her way.

It did kind of slap.

William kept pace with her. She walked with a fierceness to her, but she was actually shorter than her body language would say. She swung her legs ahead of her, hands in her pockets. "And how are your other classes going?"

"Good, I think," he volunteered readily. He kept his hands half balled into fists at his sides. "Miss Calderu said she liked my last report, although I think she forgot what book it was on."

"Sounds like that kook," she laughed under her breath. A roaming pack of younger students bustled past them, jostling each other loudly. She didn't turn her head but snapped her fingers, "watch it!"

The rowdy kids gave her a look but ultimately did calm their movements as they continued on. William turned his head from them and back to his chosen mentor. "How do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Get them to listen to you," he gestured vaguely behind them as they continued their walk to the stairwell. "Every time I see Miss Gulliver say something they kind of...don't listen to her."

"Wu-Gulliver is young, and she's too nice." He wasn't so sure that was a bad thing, but Agatha continued. "Respect is one thing, but you really want these hoodlums to listen, they need just a little bit of fear."

William tried not to let it show that he wasn't sure how the 5'5'' and slight woman beside him was scary. He'd heard her yell, sure, it was a thing to behold. But scary?

"Don't blow a gasket thinking so hard, Billy-Boy," Agatha laughed fully, snorting a little in the middle of it. "You don't need to look tough to be scary. Even a divine being such as myself can earn a reputation. Look at Miss Vidal."

Now, that, was intriguing. William did his best to seem uninterested. "What about her?"

Agatha remained quiet until they were able to walk past the devil's classroom in question. It was decorated for Halloween, despite it being November. It was just always decorated that way.

There was still some time left for lunch hour, but she was watching over some detentions; Miss Vidal always had the highest number of disciplinary cases. And she struck true, genuine fear into anyone unlucky enough to catch her eye.

Even with the door closed, it was easy to hear her slap her desk and bellow, "you talking? You little rats utter a single word while you're in here and I'll have you write each other's eulogies."

William tried not to squirm. Miss Vidal was on the younger side for the staff, and in the beginning of the year, most tried to take advantage of that. But she immediately proved that she was not to be pushed around. "How does she get away with saying stuff like that? Aren't there, like, rules about what teachers can say?"

Agatha shrugged, watching through the door window as the teacher within found it necessary to get up from her desk and walk over to her wards. "Yeah, but it only really matters if a parent complains. And she's got a stack of complaints as high as you, bean pole."

William rolled his eyes just to himself. "If she's got so many complaints, why is she still teaching here?"

Again, Agatha shrugged it off, But she adjusted herself to watch as much of the show as she could, positively glued to the back of the Spanish teacher with her eyes. "None of 'em stick. She's new but she came here from the district. She's not exactly out on her ass even if the school does fire her just for the public optics."

So, she had less to lose, could risk more. That actually made sense. Miss Calderu had been at the school the longest, and she was always nice to the kids. Miss Kale was a teacher for a day job, but she always talked about how she ran a skincare business at the weekend markets and online and stuff. Miss Gulliver did her best as the music teacher, even for kids not interested in it, but he was pretty sure her mom was famous or something.

"What do you have to lose?"

Agatha got this wild kind of look in her eyes. He could see a hint of that scariness she kept mentioning, but there was something else in there. He could see something kind of sad, fragile almost.

"I-I-I'm sorry, I didn't-"

"What?!"

William jumped out of his own skin as the door whipped open without any warning whatsoever. He hadn't even heard her walk towards the door. "I-I'm sorry Miss Vidal!"

Agatha didn't twitch. She didn't blink, she didn't move, she didn't breathe. Her hands were still in her pockets, and this grin came over her. "Come on, Rio, I came to show the kid the way real teachers get it done."

Miss Vidal's eyes were scary. She was completely blank in expression, like if he tried to read her mind it would just be haunted house screaming. "Leave him with me if you really want him to learn what it takes to teach."

William blinked as he found himself being pushed back. It was only an inch or two, but he looked down to find Miss Harkness had put her forearm up to lean on the door frame, putting herself between him and Miss Vidal, even just by a hair. It almost seemed protective.

"Easy, Tiger," she smiled at the younger teacher, "I've still got stuff to get in his head. You can have a go at him later--if he asks."

Miss Vidal shifted as well, looking at him with wide eyes. It reminded him of when a cat would stare into his soul. It seemed innocent, but there was something menacing about it. "Fine, but I'll get my hands on him eventually, Agatha."

"Hm," Agatha pursed her lips at her before leaning up and away, somewhat elbowing him back with her. She put her hands back into her pockets, "te veo."

The Spanish teacher looked impressed, and maybe entertained. She put her hand on the doorknob again, nodding cordially as well, "Querida."

William followed Miss Harkness, once again on the 'witches' road' to her classroom. He was almost 100% completely, totally sure that he had witnessed some hardcore flirting happening. But that couldn't be, because that would be insane. Miss Harkness and Miss Vidal?

"Whatever you're thinking, think it quieter, Kaplan."

The sharp and biting remark was much more what he expected. So much so, that he was able to shake off the odd exchange and smile again. "Why did you agree to let me shadow you?"

Agatha, like before, made sure to inhale really long, and exhale even longer. She needed him to know how annoyed she was by the question. "Why didn't you ask to shadow Mommy-Dearest?"

He gave her a look. She gave it right back to him. "Being teacher's pet is different. I wanna learn."

"You can learn from any of the bitches in here, kid. Teachers love a little pet--makes the rest of them easier to manage."

"Why?"

"Because you become a traitor to them, that's why," she interjected sharply. She clapped her heels together on the floor, angling her shoulders toward him. The light caught on the brass of her locket. "They resent you for it. But if you want something, then you pursue it, doesn't matter if the masses think differently of you, understand? If you're smart, if you're sharp, if you're talented?--the world recognizes stuff like that. And you should take your handful or someone else will take it from you. Am I clear?"

Okay, maybe she was a little scary (just a little). "Yes, Miss Harkness."

Her eyes changed again. That shiny shield she always had ready at a moment's notice receded again and her eyes took on a warmer hue. It was this change that always reassured him that he had chosen the right mentor (no matter how much she had discouraged him at first).

"Down, down, down the road," she mumbled mildly as she started walking again.

"Agatha!" Missus Davis - who Agatha constantly called Mrs. Hart by mistake - poked her head out of her own room. "Stop saying 'bitch' around the students!"

"Tend your own flowers, Sharon!"

I'm sorry it took me a moment to respond. I've had a lot of work lately. 😭

But thank you so much for blessing my ask box with this masterpiece. I love me an english teacher. I'd also want to be Agatha's pet. This is so good. Don't be shy, come on out and share your ideas with everyone. Your writing is also really good. You'd have a fan (me) if you do decide to post sometime.

I love that you added Sharon into this, I was so excited to see her on the show. Everybody was perfect. How did you like it?

[gumnut-logic]

Lego Volcano (Part 5)

Alexander Sweetapple series | Lego Volcano - Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

It has been some time, and some of this fic has been sitting on my hard drive waiting for attention since May (wow) but tonight I finally started writing more of this. Writing muscles are still a bit rusty, but fortunately I know mostly where this is going. There is more written so hopefully I can post that soon, too.

I also feel that some fo this might be a bit familiar as there have been a lot of WIP Wednesdays since May and I have the vague feeling I posted some of this already, but there is new stuff here as well.

This one continues to be @idontknowreallywhy, @sofasurf, @womble1 and @sailing-on-a-puddle and other wonderful Thunderfam peeps' fault :D

@onereyofstarlight has been her usual amazing self, even rereading this whole thing from the beginning and helping me out with some of her specialities as well :D Thank you so much for your wonderfulness :D

This is Alexander Sweetapple so the fic is m/m. If that isn't your jam, this isn't your bread. Though I will admit, there is very little of that in this bit as Scotty is the one who is having a hard time this time :D

As always, so many thanks to Thunderfam for being the amazing kind fandom it is ::hugs the lot of you::

I hope you enjoy.

-o-o-o-

Being ever so competitive, all the Tracy brothers knew how to get to any part of the villa in the shortest possible time.

Gordon availed himself of that fact the moment John called him.

He had been putting on his swim trunks ready for his morning foray in the pool. Moments later saw him leaping a Lego volcanic island and landing smoothly enough amongst the bricks to slide to Alex’s side.

“What happened?”

Alex had laid Scott in the recovery position. “He has a fever.”

Gordon ran through vitals without thought.

Scott groaned and attempted to shove him away.

“Yo, Scooter, you’re on the floor clocking a temperature somewhere in the hundreds. Give yourself a break.”

His brother mumbled something and tried to roll over and get up.

“Oh, no, you don’t.” Gordon grabbed him as Alex scuttled out of the way. “You are staying put until Grandma gets here.”

As if summoned by her callsign, their grandmother hurried into the room. “Scott, honey, what happened?” She stepped lightly over the Lego scattered across the floor and knelt down beside her grandson.

“I’m’kay, Granma.” Scott pushed himself into a sitting position.

Gordon growled at him, but placed a hand on his back, not convinced he wouldn’t fall over again.

“Looks like you’ve picked up Virgil’s flu, honey.”

Scott swore.

“Gordon, please find us a hoverstretcher.”

And that was how Gordon found himself dragging an obstinate and complaining, cranky big brother up to the infirmary and tucking him into a bed. The protests were of legendary proportions until Grandma brought them to a firm halt.

“I’m fine, Grandma.”

“No, you’re not.”

“I’ve got work to do.”

“You’ve got resting to do.” She switched off the scanner and turned to put it away.

“Gordon, stop fussing!” And yes, his hands were swiped at.

He took a step back. “Fine, oh great Commander, tuck yourself in.”

And there it was, his feverish and ill brother trying to be big brother but running out of resources and struggling to hold himself up. Wet, blue eyes attempting stoicism and failing. Damnit, Scott, why do you do this?!

“International Rescue, we have a situation.” John popped up by the bed.

Oh, for the love of-!

Scott sat up, ramrod straight in the bed. “Go ahead, John.”

“We’ve got a cargo freighter foundering off the Great Barrier Reef.”

Gordon exploded. “What?! How the hell did they even get near it? Those are sanctuary waters!” Goddamnit! The remains of the Great Barrier Reef were a World Heritage Treasure. The Supreme Barrier Reef was an attempt to save the ecological system. What little was left of the actual reef off the coast of Australia was ever so precious. How the hell had they ended up in those waters at all?

John, as usual, was calm, but his expression said everything. “Investigating as we speak.” In other words, both he and Eos were out for blood.

Gordon let out a breath. Damn it was good to have a family to depend on.

“Thunderbird Two and Four responding. Get Alan down here. I need transport.”

“Gordon!”

He turned to his beloved eldest brother who was radiating heat like a blast furnace. “Alan and I have this, Commander. You’re staying in bed.” Moving towards the door, he almost collided with Alex. Stumbling, he gestured with a firm finger at Scott. “Make sure he stays put.”

Gordon tore out of the room at a run.

He had a reef, and possibly a few people, to save.

-o-o-o-

It had all happened so fast.

And Alex had no idea what he should be doing right now. He stood beside the door, not sure what to do with his hands, feet, or any body part really.

From the moment he caught Scott, events had just happened around him. The Tracy family responded smoothly and well-practised and before he knew it, Gordon was out the door, and Alex was left in the infirmary with a weak but literally vibrating Mr Tracy.

Mrs Tracy had looked at her watch and cursed. A firm finger and quiet word with the bed ridden man and she was hurrying out the door as fast as her grandchildren had moments before.

But she did brush her fingertips across Alex’s shoulder as she passed, catching his eyes enough to reinforce Gordon’s wish to keep Mr Tracy where he was.

How the hell was he going to do that?

In the distance, Alex heard the roar of Thunderbird Two as she launched from the Island.

Virgil was not going to be happy.

He let out a breath. That’s where he should be now. Virgil would be clambering out of bed. There was no way he would not respond to that sound.

A rustle of sheets and Mr Tracy was sitting upright again. “Thunderbird Five, give me comms.”

“Negative, Thunderbird One.”

“John-“

“Thunderbird Prime’s orders. You’re on sick leave, One.”

Mr Tracy swore dirty, very much not the calm, cool professional Alex was used to.

“Rest, Scooter. We’ve got this.” And the line cut out.

The man on the bed deflated like a balloon, falling back onto the mattress almost as limp as when Alex had first caught him.

An arm came up over his eyes and a barely discernible whisper crossed his lips. “Goddamnit.”

-o-o-o-

Mr Tracy lay there like that for enough time for Alex to think he had fallen asleep.

Should he leave or go? Both Gordon and Mrs Tracy had asked him to stay…really ‘ordered’ him to stay. But Virgil…

Virgil needed Alex to give him permission to relax. Virgil needed Alex to drag him back to bed to stop his headlong run into work and exhaustion.

Yet Virgil was reportedly the level-headed brother.

Virgil had often described Mr Tracy as the embodiment of his Thunderbird - fast, impatient, determined, and consequently ridiculously prone to working himself into collapse.

In Virgil’s case, it was a pot and kettle situation, but after tonight’s demonstration, Alex had first-hand experience and there was the distinct possibility that Mr Tracy would do exactly what Virgil predicted.

As if the thought was permission, Mr Tracy rolled over in the bed and pushed himself into a sitting position.

Alex blinked. “Do you really want to do that?”

The man jumped, tired eyes latching onto him and widening. “Alex?”

Stepping forward, Alex held up a hand. “I’m sorry, Mr Tracy, Mrs Tracy said you need to stay in bed.”

Those blue eyes blinked once sharply and then again but slower. “There’s a situation.” His words were running into each other.

Alex took another step closer. “Mr Tracy, you need to rest.”

He looked away, mumbling something.

“Mr-“

“Alex, my name is Scott.”

“Sorry, sir.”

That drew those eyes back to him, if only for them to roll as Mr Tracy let himself fall back onto the bed. “Augh, Alex.”

“Sorry, s-“

The man grunted.

“-cott.”

A more positive grunt and he shifted on the bed, pulling the covers over himself before fixing his eyes once again on Alex.

Those eyes had so much power.

“So, Grandma has you sitting guard.” It wasn’t a question, more of a challenge.

Alex straightened his spine. “I guess so.”

There was steel in that tired blue, but Alex held on.

Just long enough for Mr Tracy to sigh and relax back into the bed and close his eyes. “Fine.”

There was silence after that. If Alex was working for any other employer than the Tracys, he might have been afraid that he was throwing away his career future.

He wasn’t.

The silence stretched on and Alex resisted the urge to fidget. But then a soft snore wafted up from the bed.

It was followed by another.

Oh, thank god.

Alex wilted where he stood, suddenly aware of exactly how early in the morning it was. A chair beside the bed beckoned, so Alex edged over as silently as possible and curled up.

He watched the bed covers move evenly up and down as Scott slept.

Up and down.

In and out.

Up and…down.

His eyes dropped closed.

-o-o-o-

Next

[techramonic]

WHAT is the lore of smartschoolboy9 i'm curious now

I will make an in-depth deepdive of this soon but to sum it up into an informal consumable hunk of lore, basically:

smartschoolboy9 is one of the many instagram accounts used by a man named David Alter, a middle-aged man in the 50's age range residing in London. He has other accounts such as stephanieschoolie, truthsticks, and many others.

From how I see it, he treats these accounts like his alter-egos, writing as if he is the child or parent themself by talking about mundane things like their school-life, interests, and others. He builds up on these characters and even creates extensive descriptions and narratives for them. This effort extends to him branching out some sort of community ir a world of his own, where he lets these characters interact by commenting on posts of his accounts.

All of these accounts had three common themes: children, uniforms, and high-heeled mini boots.

In his truthsticks account, his content mostly consisted of him calling out supposed child predators that were pretending to be children. This was eerily aligned with his behavior because he did the exact same thing despite numerously calling out other accounts that were allegedly also made by himself.

People speculate that this is either to gain trust from innocent parents/children coming across his feeds or that he's projecting because he is quite literally very self-aware of his harmful and dangerous thoughts, desires, and behavior that he guiltily is self-indulgent of.

His smartschoolboy9 account sticks out the most because it's actually him dressing up as a schoolboy. Unlike the other accounts where he uses ai to grotesquely mimic children, he dresses up as one. This can confirm that he does have some sort of fetishes directly linked to children or being a child. While some people speculate that this may be an ageplay fetish, he has other posts that may allude to something more sinister.

This is one of the more tame photos I I found on reddit, you can check more for yourself if you wish to see more of his content—however, this is all I'll show because I might get termed. Despite the content being blurred, it's still uncomfortable to look at because of the graphic nature.

He started using ai to create these images of children often propped up in suggestive and poses, some having child-like faces cropped unto adult bodies. He tends to sexualize these children who are his "alter-egos", often in weird forms of poetry that he posts online (i.e. one of his alter-egos was a little girl who liked writing poetry and she wrote a poem containing innuendos and a description of her uniform and vaguely her... underwear)

He also has this very odd connection to uniforms. He would post on numerous occations regarding how uniforms are valuable for prestige and all kinds of reasons on why kids should wear it instead of casualwear. His interests in this are so extensive that he has even published some papers on local news regarding how much he believes that uniforms should be implemented in British educational institutions.

It's hearsay but some people on reddit have mentioned that he had been doing this since the 90's and had been under the radar since. There are some who said he has been jailed once for stalking a girl when he was younger but there's no solid evidence of him having a prison record.

No one knows whether he had already committed a grave act to satiate his unusual fantasies or thoughts. The police have been actively trying to find him and gather clues, however the case still remains open until today. No one really knows where he is at the moment but he is seen as a potential threat or being a child predator.

He also would go to parks and take pictures of unsuspecting children. There was also a video where he was chasing a child (the child seemed like he was laughing, I'm unsure however because most of the video was covered by emojis and thick texts but there was some cheap audio and small crevices where hou could see what was going on) and no one knows the context.

He had also shared morbid interests on child sacrifice and cannibalism on one of his accounts. While this may just be something to add layer to his character or alter-ego, it's not really a strech since he's already prone to self-projection–it might as well be true.

He's a very weird yet interesting rabbit hole to dig up. He was obscure before rising to recognition recently and more unfortunately, it's on tiktok. It would've been better if it was somewhere like on reddit but tiktok is the worst place to make these criminals famous using braindead content.

Personally, I don't like the sensationalization they actively perform on his case because they don't realize how this behavior just makes it more difficult to investigate because they're providing him more attention which can either be good (if used correctly in navigating his location and whereabouts, his history, etc.) or bad (they praise him even if satirical, which enables his behavior—or criticizes him which sends him into a worse mental spiral)

I really think they need to mentally evaluate him once they find him because he clearly has issues and illnesses that he copes with in a very harmful manner to not just him but also others.

He's a very weird yet interesting rabbit hole to dig up. He was obscure before rising to recognition recently and more unfortunately, it's on tiktok. It would've been better if it was somewhere like on reddit but tiktok is the worst place to make these criminals famous, especially with these no-brainer consumerist content.

Nexpo and Nick Crowley made great videos talking about his case if you wanna know more!

[dreambigdreamz]

On Our Own | Éomer Éadig (part three)

Summary : The wedding night.

Rating : M, oral + consummation

Word count : 8,776

Author’s note : ahehehe. I have never written anything smut and rarely write anything physical-romance beyond eye-contact and that sends me into agony 😣 I know this doesn’t do anyone or anything enough justice. But I tried. Next up, our newly wedded King and Queen of the Mark has their first marital quarrel <3 Elfwine will simply have to wait until these two can sort their feelings out and that might take some time.

Part One Part Two

Hope you enjoy.

The ladies-in-waiting were getting Lothíriel ready for her first shared night with her husband, while Éomer was having to undergo a further round of backslapping ribaldry before his friends and companions escorted him to her door. The Princess had a heavy mind and was apt to drift away into distant thoughts but she did not let it show that the silence hung gloomy around the bride on her wedding night.

“He liked you,” one of the young women said as they were brushing out her hair. “He watched you very closely, he liked you.”

“And why should he not?” she asked back with the instinctive arrogance of a girl who was delighted with the result of her best efforts.

“Then, why were you ever nervous this morning about whether he would like you or not?”

Lothíriel only smiled sheepishly, looking at the mirror in front of her with a flutter in her stomach that reminisced again the rare smiles on the King’s face that had turned everything around for the wedding day. And she was immensely grateful for it.

But the day was over and night had set in, and what to say but that Lothíriel felt a new kind of dread?

She was then quietly put into her nightdress and her dark hair plaited by her ladies; Lady Saelwen kissed her good-night and gave her a mother’s blessing.

“Good-night, princess. Or rather,” Lady Saelwen looked up from her curtsey with a glow of matronly pride and smile on her face, “Queen Lothíriel.”

Lothíriel gave a slow nod, giving a small smile in return. It would seem she was trying to repress a beam of childish delight, already donning the grace and propriety of a queen — but rather, it was the nervous thump-thump in her chest that made her smile come out uncertain.

“Lady Saelwen,” the Princess — the Queen of Rohan — turned round to speak decidedly to the woman as the ladies were retreating towards the door. “A word, if you have a moment.”

The other ladies-in-waiting all looked with apprehension. There was an underlying tremor in the way the princess had ordered, and they were only too curious to know what she would have to say to Lady Saelwen now. But Lothíriel saw them standing around, and said coolly, “The rest of you may leave.”

Once the ladies had departed and only Lady Saelwen remained, Lothíriel stood up and walked briskly to her. The older lady waited patiently, though there was a look in her eyes that prompted the princess to voice anything she might have to say. After a few moments of silence while she processed her words and emotions, Lothíriel blurted out with as much self-command as she could,

“I do not know what I am supposed to do. I have tried to ask everybody I could, and nobody has told me what exactly I am supposed to do.” The words came out of her, first a bit composed and steady, but then increasing in speed as her vexation grew obvious and her trepidation took over, fidgeting with her hands and the strings on the front of her nightdress as she continued, “My mother says everything will happen by and by; but that is vague, and actually does not answer the question at all if you think about it, really. My aunt — oh Valar — my aunt says all that I need to do is obey my husband and make sure I do not sully our family’s honour in no way. Whatever in Middle-earth is that supposed to mean? What does she mean?”

At this point, Lothíriel was almost talking to herself incessantly, her voice growing wobbly with each word that formed from her anxious mind. Her eyes finally fixed on Lady Saelwen and with a regained composure and determination, Lothíriel said, “You must tell me. You must tell me everything.”

Up till then Lady Saelwen had observed the princess mildly and nodded with a calm countenance contrasting to Lothíriel’s very much disheveled expression. Now, she was nervous herself, biting her lip in careful consideration of a proper answer. “You are overthinking, Lothíriel. Maybe there is not an exact . . . description to tell you. Don’t let yourself panic, sweetling, it will go just fine and there is nothing to worry about,” the lady cooed in that motherly way of hers as usual, gently stroking Lothíriel’s hair to soothe her.

But this time the Princess — the Queen — was not to be satisfied.

“No. I must know what it is that might happen and what I should do then. I will not have my fears lulled in this manner, you know I never liked it. Nobody bothered to tell me about that ring-exchanging culture in Rohan, nobody bothered to let me know what might happen, and look how that turned out! I am sick of it! Lady Saelwen,” and then Lothíriel’s voice steady and her face grew stern, as if she was speaking to a servant or a lesser person that was not her beloved nanny since her childhood. In truth, Lothíriel’s good nature had given way to anxiety and then anger in turn that now she felt inclined to lash it out right now on anybody really. “Lady Saelwen, I command you to tell me.”

But the lady was not fazed a bit by this fey mood of the princess. She stood there all calm and proper, only pinching the bridge of her nose in exasperation. “What exactly am I to tell you?” Then, with a little hesitation she added, “Why do you suppose I should know it enough to tell you?”

“Oh,” was all Lothíriel managed to say as her shoulders slumped from their tense posture, a few things dawning on her all at once, and she was quieted though her questions were not.  “Oh, okay, I am sorry.” But then why did not her mother or grandmother or other matrons ever told them anything? “But surely somebody should have told us,” she complained as a last resort.

Lady Saelwen only sighed, and they were both silent. Then she observed Lothíriel’s blank expression and tried to think of something to say, and choosing her words carefully, she said, “All that will happen is most probably a few . . . kisses, and then he would insert himself and it shall be done.”

“Insert himself? Insert himself where?”

“Your— where your moon blood comes from every month,” Lady Saelwen said nervously, wishing they could get this conversation over and hoping no more questions were coming her way.

Lothíriel stared at her. “Where— and, and that is also from where the baby will come out?” She had learned long ago the story about the storks bringing babies was simply untrue.

Lady Saelwen nodded solemnly without a word.

“So, it is true then?” There was almost a note of incredulity and disbelief in Lothíriel’s voice. “What Mylaela has been saying . . .”

“What has Mylaela been saying?” Lady Saelwen demanded.

“She told us very long ago that where everything goes in, is where the baby comes out,” Lothíriel gulped nervously. “So it’s true? I was hoping she was just being crazy like she always is.”

“You should not be discussing such kinds of—”

“Well, how else am I to know what it is that everybody wants me to do?” Lothíriel snapped viciously. “You send us out of the room when the conversation becomes inappropriate, and then you expect us to know what to do on our own. You think we already know about everything by the time we’re grown up or whatever; but most of us don’t, not unless we go around shamelessly prying and listening behind corners, like Mylaela does. Most of what she hears and says is appalling, but I think I have her to thank for right now!” 

The newly wedded queen stopped her frantic pacing across the room, rubbing her eyes in exhaustion and sighed. “I know, I know. I am getting worked up again, and this will not do. It’s just . . .” She raised her hands in a gesture of haplessness. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Lady Saelwen. Ariellë had her love match; Andrídha fell head over heels as soon as she met my brother; but what of me? What will happen to me? Nobody should be sent away to do something they haven’t even got an idea of what! ”

Lady Saelwen endured her anger not only civilly, but kindly. She took a step forwards, and rubbed Lothíriel’s side of the arm comfortingly. “I understand, I understand what you are feeling, my sweet princess. Be brave; you are strong, and you must be brave. You are a Princess of Dol Amroth and if he mistreats you in any improper way, king or no, you come straight away to me, understand?”

“Thank you, but I do not think he will, rest assured.” And Lothíriel only smiled, not adding how Lady Saelwen’s words had felt quite useless and brought no real comfort to her actual dread of the night. How could she let the woman know what was truly making her nervous, when she herself could not materialize that fear itself into words? “So, is it going to be very painful? Like childbirth?”

“More or less, I suppose. I would not know of either, now would I?” Lady Saelwen tried to brush away the embarrassment; watching over the princess for over two decades had not prepared the spinster for this.

“Would I . . . die?” She held out tightly for the older woman’s hand.

“Heavens forbid, no! What makes you say that?”

Lothíriel struggled with herself to bring out the words. “I don’t know, maybe the fact that women often die in childbirth? Mylaela also told us that the man lies on top of the woman in bed, so isn’t it possible that she might suffocate to death? And in any case, you said—”

The door to the chamber opened to reveal Éomer King standing there. Lothíriel turned abruptly and stared with wide eyes, and let go immediately of Lady Saelwen’s hand that she had grown to clutch in desperation. It probably did not strike as a regal pose, and she awkwardly tried to straighten herself and take a step back to be standing independent on her own. And then in her best attempt to sound calm and normal, she said very slowly, “If that is all, you may leave now, Lady Saelwen.”

The lady curtseyed and made her way out.

Once her lady-in-waiting was gone and she left to herself, Lothíriel promptly invited the king to sit down at the table; all the while his eyes fixed on her meaningfully.

“Would you like a glass of wine?” Lothíriel asked not too composedly, still trying to recover from the shock of having to receive him so soon, hoping desperately he had not heard anything.

“The ale, please. And one for yourself too.”

“I . . . don’t like ale very much.”

“This is different,” said he with patience, as if he understood the cause of her uneasiness. He was too skilled with women to ask her what was wrong. He knew very well what was wrong: the impending sense of fear added to the loneliness, and homesickness natural enough in a young woman. But she would show none of it, nor would she accept sympathy for it. So Éomer remained silent on the subject. “They call it wedding ale. It’s sweetened with mead and spices. It’s for courage.”

“Do we need courage?” Lothíriel found herself draping herself in cool lightheartedness, chuckling to mask away the uncomfortable, disquieted feelings attending to her.

He was emboldened by her smile and got up to pour her a cup and handed it towards her, saying with the slightest curve of his own lips, “I should think we do. It is only a tradition, and traditions merely exist to impart courage at times.”

She took the cup of hot ale from his hand, noting the gold band on it, and dared to look up at him standing next to where she sat. The candlelight had enveloped his figure in a golden frame, and the expression on his face was an unreadable one. Lothíriel lowered her head in confused turmoil of her emotions and sipped the heady drink. “Oh, this is nice,” she remarked with quite a delight in her face and took a few more sips eagerly this time.

It soon became apparent, however, that she was going through the ale quite fast as she poured herself another cup and finished that one as well. Éomer quietly watched her from across the table, enchanted by the flawlessness of her being. He drew a heavy breath, at last, and stood up and walked to her as she was pouring another time. Lothíriel glanced at him, her cup of ale held in her hand. Gently, he took the cup from her and she looked on in silence, her face a blanch-surface of calm but her eyes were indignant, curious and resigned all at the same time.

“Even the best of ale should not be taken in excessive,” he said with a small smile, polite but firm as Lothíriel’s head drooped.

��Should I now leave for you to retire?” Éomer added.

“L-Leave?” Her eyes widened at his unexpected words, her confusion hardly concealed. And on top of that was worry bordering on alarm. “But is there not something we are supposed to do?”

He hesitated a moment, before saying slowly, “I shall be honest now as you asked me before: I do not wish for you to be brought to bed positively terrified and unprepared for what will take place when you hardly know what—”

“I know what must be done.” She had stood up abruptly in indignation, her reassurance had come out haughty, and then she covered her mouth in an apologetic way, and she added a bit more composed, “Or at least, I would be willing to learn. Whatever the case, I shall not skimp my duty.” Saying so, Lothíriel willed herself to look up at him with utter determination though she felt like her knees would give away anytime.

It was Éomer’s turn to speak out hastily this time. “Is it always going to be duty, for you?”

“I do not understand . . .” she was taken aback, was quite perturbed, to be honest. But she knew better to let it show, waiting for him to clarify what he meant, but her heart was beating away quite violently at this very unexpected change in his behaviour.

“I am sorry,” Éomer started again. “But I would not wish for you to be forced by your duty to do something unwillingly. I would not wish for you to be unhappy because of our marriage.”

“I am not unhappy,” Lothíriel tried to put up the argument calmly but with precision.

“But you are uneasy,” Éomer countered with a docility of his own.

“It is only the wibber-gibbers, the heebie-jeebies.”

“And quite drunk,” Éomer added, and a smile threatened to pervade his countenance.

His bride gave a scowl, “That was only my third cup that you took away.”

There was a long while of silence, as both of them strove to deal with the different emotions. Éomer looked on the lady standing in front of him with quiet apprehension, unable to keep from admiring every thing about her, while she looked down at the floor, trying to collect herself wisely and keep the situation in control. But she hardly knew what she needed to be doing! All she knew was she needed to make him understand, she needed to let him know that it was all right with her and they somehow needed to get this done and so she needed to make him stay. Then what? What next?

Lothíriel bit her lip in thoughtfulness, finally deciding on being equally honest to him as he had also asked her before, going through her words carefully as she said, “I thank you, for caring about me. But you are a king and you also have a duty to your people. You need an heir for your country, and it is my duty to help you. I would be honoured to be your friend, partner, and comforter. I shall be perfectly honoured to be your wife.”

“And what of happiness?” The King of the Mark lifted her chin, making her look into his dark eyes filled with a thousand concerns and questions that she understood but did not know how best to answer.

“That too. I believe I shall be a happy woman married to you.” Then she tiptoed to kiss him.

This time, despite the drink and the pounding of her heart, Lothíriel was fully aware of the touch of his lips against hers: it was soft, warm and his beard brushing lightly on her cheeks. She knew she had done one thing correctly at least as he responded to her and deepened the kiss that grew passionate; his one arm round her waist, drawing her body closer to him, and the other caressing the side of her face as she stood there, quite rigid, the warmth spreading through her from where he touched her body over her nightdress.

She had never even been kissed before today, let alone to have known how it felt like to be touched this way by a man.

When they parted, Éomer saw her face flushed as her ruby lips and the glimmer in her large, grey eyes. He gently ran his thumb across her smooth skin, taking in the sight of her as if mere memory could never be enough. The slightest look of sadness crossed his face, and Lothíriel saw it in his eyes as if his heart was breaking from some kind of pain—with a sense of the situation, she grasped the meaning of that look to be something of love, and that was when Lothíriel’s instinct brought her to hold his hand that was against her cheek, and her eyes spoke of earnestness.

“My dear lady wife,” Éomer said softly, dropping his hand from her face and holding her hand in both of his. She felt soft and gentle, her small hand fitting into his rough, calloused ones like they were meant to be fitted for one another perfectly. Lothíriel, in turn, laid her other hand on his, trying to get out of her shell to reassure this kind man who was now her husband.

But she glanced at the bed behind her, and steeled herself to ask him awkwardly, “Would . . . would you like to undress me, my lord?” The warmth in her cheeks grew fiery, her eyes cast down on the floor, unable to meet his eyes again in the embarrassment of what lies ahead.

“You shall call me Éomer, when we are on our own.”

Lothíriel dared to look up at him and quickly looked back down again, feeling very much like blushing and giggling and running away all at the same time. 

A soft sigh later, he reached out, nimbly caressing a lock of her hair between his fingers, before his fingertips grazed her cheek, trailing down her neck. Lothíriel could feel her breath quicken at the feathery touch, as he wordlessly continued to trail his fingers down to the neckline of her dress. He paused there and looked her in the eye, his silence telling her there would be no going back once he started. As he found her face unwavering, he deftly pulled on one of the strings at the front of her nightdress, and soon they came loose and Lothíriel held her breath, as Éomer lifted it up from the hem of the dress and over her head. She raised up her arms, making sure her plaited hair did not get messed up.

When she stood there in front of him, unclothed and uncovered by anything, a great wave of emotional instability hit Lothíriel then. She felt like sinking into the floorboards, she felt like sobbing and telling Éomer honestly that she could not do this. She had never dreamed of having to do this; she would willingly have gone through the world without knowing about this; she would have died before ever imagining herself this way in front of a man, husband or no. This was utterly appalling!

But despite the strongest urge to drop all courtesy and run and dive under the bed sheets, or to even just try and cover herself with her hands, Lothíriel stood still. She could not bear to meet his eyes, but she willed herself to do it with all that she had in her entire being. She was a Princess of Dol Amroth and she was not meant to show fear or uncertainty. She was now a Queen of Rohan and there was a country and people to lead.

She brought herself to look up at Éomer, and saw in his face the usual, unreadable expression of a vague scowl. Like he was displeased. Or just a very intense gaze. Lothíriel could not be certain.

Something like disappointment washed over Lothíriel this time, and she felt the emotions constricting in her throat — she looked away, hiding the vulnerability in her gaze, her silver-glazed eyes facing the quivering flames of the candles in the room.

“Are—are we not supposed to blow the candles out?” she asked in a small whisper.

“Why?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Isn’t that what’s normally done? In the dark?” Lothíriel said innocently, her words trailing off on a high intonation that indicated her uncertainty.

“Who told you that?”

“No-one!” She had looked at him in alarm, not wishing to come off as the kind of girl who ever discussed these things. Though only earlier she was bitterly resentful of not knowing, it was still hard to shed off old ideals that had been ingrained in the ladies’ minds that it was horrifying to know of these matters.

She saw a small smirk tugging at the corner of his lips, and her stomach turned a somersault again. She loved and hated what he did to her feelings, so entirely what she had never been used to.

Éomer replied slowly, “Not exactly. Not always, no. But if you wish . . .”

“I do,” Lothíriel affirmed and there was a tiny quiver in her voice. She was thinking, while Éomer went to put out the flames one by one, that it was better to not have to see his face at all and for him to not see hers if he did not wish to. And he obviously did not wish to. Maybe? But Lothíriel stole a quick glance at the sight of her husband walking round the room, bending to blow out the candles, the light reflecting off through his golden hair. She would mourn in silence to herself the loss of having to see him; but as one candle remained lit at last, Éomer turned to her.

“May we not leave just this one?” Her blank face of confusion made him add more hesitantly, “It would be a shame to miss seeing you in the darkness.”

Oh, what does he mean, was the question racing through Lothíriel’s mind in a frenzy as she found herself nodding slowly, like a little puppet whose strings of control had snapped suddenly. She so longed to know what he meant!

“But if you do not wish . . .”

“Yes. I wish, very much.” She told him quickly, and forced the slightest of a smile through her shocked expression for good measure that he was assured of her willingness. Then she added in a flustered manner, “I mean, I only thought . . .”

“You thought?” Éomer asked as he came back towards her, his eyes fixed on her face.

Lothíriel lowered her head, shaking it slowly.

They stood in front of each other, untouching, and after a few moments Éomer said, “Your hair . . . will you allow me to . . .?”

She glanced behind her shoulder to realise that he meant to undo her plaited hair, and awkwardly but clearly she replied, “Oh, yes, certainly.”

When he moved nearer to her, and got behind her back, it was overwhelming how the warmth from the proximity of his body seemed to radiate and envelope her. But Éomer kept strictly to his word alone and touched nothing but her hair that he had asked; he undid the plait of her hair gently, his hands combing through the dark mass of it and, as it got loose and flowed down her shoulders and past below her back, Lothíriel felt soft prickles all over her skin at his barest touches. She turned to look at him, and his eyes met hers with a steady gaze that made her flustered.

“What is it?” he asked, soft and courteous but his voice naturally gruff.

“Nothing. I—” there was something insistent in the look of his eyes, something of undoing all her stone walls, that Lothíriel allowed them to crumble and herself to wither away, and told him plainly but shyly, “You are not upset with my hair?”

The wonder that came into her husband’s eyes could only be described as incredulous and shocked, as for a momentary pause his sternness melted. “No . . . why would I ever . . . your hair? What do you think could be wrong with your hair to make me—upset?”

Lothíriel was left stunned and at a loss for some of her usual quippy remarks as she tried to process the way he had just said what he just said; for she was almost shocked as himself to have this brief glance of him being uncertain and the way he struggled for the proper words, and how he had said them in so uncomfortable a manner, especially that last one. His brows were furrowed and that was not unfamiliar, but now there was real confusion in his eyes and he looked, why, he almost looked like a mere pageboy trying to understand something incredulous. It left her throat dry. Moreover, it left her frustrated because she could not pin down on why it made him so endearing in her eyes and heart. He was still the self-same King of Rohan, tall and proud, very regal and so utterly dashing in his roughshod manners, and yet the distant formality and ambiguity. But here there was this small side within him that was looking at her with wide eyes as if she had said something labyrinthine. It drove her insane.

“My hair . . .” she started uncertainly. “Is it not . . . well, dark and foreign and . . . and so very . . . I don’t know . . . dark.” Lothíriel heard herself saying this and tried to justify the emotions but immediately decided it sounded stupid in the end. She lowered her head, in a struggle that went beyond words or comprehension of men.

She felt, no, she knew, that what she was trying to do was a useless attempt to re-summon the wild uncertainties she had faced earlier in the morning. These were beginning to be cleared away gradually somehow with each passing moment now, but she still wanted to keep room for these doubts just in case, just in case she was hoping too high and above the blunt reality that often fell into the lot of women before her. A high-born lady married to a stranger for convenience or alliance, that case had two scenarios and an uninteresting in-between; and she was well aware which was the more probable oft-times. And just like most young ladies, she entertained this doubt and hope at the same time.

Éomer stared at her for a long moment, during which Lothíriel was on an earth-shattering brink of suspense, then he blinked. “It is beautiful,” he said slowly, caressing and bringing all of her hair onto one side of her shoulder. “And, and I love it.”

A thousand things happened all at once; and it was all in Lothíriel’s mind.

When her heart seemed to have recovered from the momentary pause and air breathed into her lungs once again, when the exploding fireworks in her chest had quietened down and herself had run happily across the length of Middle-earth there and back again in her mind, when her legs had regained steadiness and her ears had stopped to ring with the singing and shouting of her own voice and celestial bells, then Lothíriel’s lips quivered into a smile, grateful and relieved, and she murmured a little “Thank you,” still heaving breathless from what he had just said. If only he knew. Oh, the Valar be praised, if only he knew.

He gazed at her face, from her eyes to her lips to the slender curve of her neck, and asked, “Would you mind if I . . .” His hand, thick and roughened by years of war, softly traced the side of her face. The sensation brought Lothíriel to meet his eyes, and though he did not specify and she longed to know what it was that he meant to say, she nodded, saying,

“Not at all.”

The touch of his fingers, so calloused yet gentle, trailed over her jawline, and then down her neck and landed on her bare shoulder, smooth and glowing in the golden candlelight. They continued down across the length of her arm, leaving behind the feel of goosebumps on her skin and the silent yearning for more of that heat from his touch. When he reached her hand, he held it to his lips and placed a kiss, looking at her and taking in with much awareness of how her lips had parted a little and she looked on with suppressed anticipation in her eyes.

“You . . . are . . . flawless,” Éomer said quietly, almost to himself, and a shuddering breath escaped him before he pulled her towards him in a kiss of effusion, placing her hand over his chest. Lothíriel only had a moment of a small gasp before her lips crashed into his and she found herself kissing her husband again, this time more passionate and desirous as she felt his hands on her back, pressing her body against him. Their lips seemed to move in synchronisation to a dance of desire, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, trying to do away with all space between them as she felt the burning fire inside, longing to feel his body all over hers.

For a moment there, a thought passed her mind about the propriety of how she was behaving and feeling. It left her confused and stopped short her responding, but half a second later Lothíriel had pushed away these chastising thoughts away from her mind and returned to the warmth that was growing inside her at the touch of his skin or the taste of his lips.

He appeared to have understood her mind, or at least taken notice of this new fervour of her kissing, and brought up his hand to tuck away the loose strands of hair away from her face. Then it slowly travelled down her neck, and this time to the side of her breasts where they lay pressed against his night tunic, and making him hard down below. He cupped one of them, gently squeezing it, and earning another small gasp from her as she stopped their kiss to look up at him with widened eyes. Éomer moved his hand away, asking with some gravity,

“Do you not like it?”

His wife batted her lashes bashfully, and her throat bobbed up and down as she swallowed with some nervousness, and shook her head to say quietly, “No . . . just surprised, my lord . . .” She struggled with herself to get the right words out, then emboldening herself to look at him straight in the eye, she said, “Please, continue.”

Éomer’s mouth went dry and parched, but he assumed a small smirk and replied, “It will be my pleasure.”

They recommenced their kissing, and he placed a firm hand over her breasts, softly kneading the flesh and running his thumb back and forth over the tips that grew stiffer with each of his strokes. Lothíriel was by now trying so hard to hold back letting out any improper noise, and no longer was she able to respond properly to his kisses when his touches on her sensitive buds were making her head go wild and her breath go shallow like she couldn’t get enough of air, enough of him. Her one hand served to push against his strong chest whilst her other hand was on his tunic collar, pulling him in desperately than ever.

The painful ache of her breasts grew unbearable over time under his administrations, building up like waves but without any rocks to crash on and release, and Lothíriel, eyes squeezed shut, gave in at last and let out a small whimpering moan into their deep kiss. The sound seemed to affect Éomer greatly, arousing him ever more and driving him to nip at her lower lip with a grunt, and his hand moved downwards across her abdomen, before stopping suddenly.

“Gods,” he swore loudly, breaking off the kiss to look at her basked in the light, a vision of his dreams every night turned real into flesh. He had his brows furrowed in great seriousness, or rather frustration, before he took in a deep breath and asked gruffly, “Bed?”

She nodded, with a blush of shyness now accompanied with the twinkle of eagerness in her grey eyes.

Slowly Éomer led her to the great white-covered bed of mattresses, and sat her down on the edge of it, with his arms on each side of her. She held his face close to hers, observing every chiselled detail from the lines on his forehead to the way his beard was trimmed above and around his lips and small, dark moles across his cheeks.

He was utterly handsome.

It wrenched Lothíriel’s heart for some reason to realise this and the poignant joy that came with the realisation of how fortunate she was to end up with him, to actually have her fate entwined with his. She felt like she could stay in this moment for ever, to have his eyes on her and never stir again. But of course, she also enjoyed the way his touches left her skin burning like there was nothing more holy than the way he’d hold her in his strong arms.

Their kiss changed a different kind as Éomer tenderly placed these tokens of affection all over her face, trailing from the one side of her temple down her ear to the crook of her neck where his head lay buried and covering with gentle, firm kisses, sucking and grazing at her skin in turn. Lothíriel then pushed his shoulders back and asked in her equable, quippy manner, “Why am I the only one undressed here?”

“And do you consider it unfair?” Her husband asked back with amusement in his eyes but barely a smile on his lips.

“I would think so, yes,” she answered honestly, and it was then that a smile overcame his stern features and he took her hands to place them upon his tunic. Lothíriel took hold of it by the hem and raised it up over his head and arms, and she took in the full view of his body, his well-toned muscular front, the light curly hair on his chest and the two dark areoles, and the visible tightness of the muscles packed in his shoulders and arms up to his hands where the veins could be seen underneath the roughened layer of his skin now enveloped in golden yellow. She reached out an arm to lay her hand on him, feel the touch of those muscle-fibres of an experienced warrior that made him look so god-like in her eyes. When her skin touched his revealed chest, she took a nervous gulp to quell the drumming of her heart, whereas Éomer visibly took a sharp intake of breath, still locking her eyes in his.

She delicately trailed her way down across his midriff, touching him with just the slightest tips of her slender fingers, the heat from his body grazing over them and coursing throughout her own. When she reached to the top of his trousers, and made to work on the string, Éomer seized her wrist then, startling her with the fierce gleam in his eyes. But he said softly, albeit what sounded in a low, threatening whisper, “Not yet, my love.” 

The words sent her into a spiral, a love spiral of fluttering warmth in her chest. It caused her to sit still, breathing heavily in anticipation, as her husband, her love, ran his hand through her hair and leaned in to kiss her, gently pushing her down onto the bed. Lothíriel fell back against the soft, white mattress under her, their kiss unbroken as she wrapped her arms over his shoulders, pulling him down the same and he followed suit. She could feel the sheer weight of him above her, though he was standing on his own and just leaned over the edge of the bed. But his body pressed against her bare skin, with nothing between them no more, was making Lothíriel feel like her whole being was on fire. And she wanted more.

Éomer started to move his kisses down her neck, and on her collarbone, and then lower between her breasts down to her abdomen, slightly below her navel. When his kisses ceased, Lothíriel, who had been conscious of everything while having her eyes closed, opened them and looked at him, face slightly flushed at the sight of having him so near her private parts.

“Allow me?” he asked gruffly.

“Anything,” she breathed.

Without breaking their gaze into one another’s eyes, Éomer parted her legs slowly, first placing his hands on her knees then moving up her thighs from the inside. Lothíriel could not tear her gaze away; to feel his hands on her skin, but to see them as well, made her heart go up into her throat where she felt the painful sensation of waiting. 

Éomer’s hand reached and touched at her nether lips, eliciting a shaky moan from the Gondorian princess who felt both pleasure and shock at this act. To say she was mortified would be saying less; but she would not be questioning her lord husband’s intentions, especially when she understood he was nothing but considerate. 

She felt his fingers deftly rubbing over the sensitive regions of that part of her body, going over them in circles at some times and back and forth at others. When one of his fingers was easily sunk into the wetness of her folds, Lothíriel let out a small gasp of pain. But it soon subsided after the first initial shock, and then she began to find it quite dizzying as he started on a perfect rhythm of thrusting it in and out. 

 It became hard for her to keep a level head, and she sank back onto the softness of the mattress beneath as she felt the steady pleasure travel through her body, making her weak. However, Lothíriel had sealed her eyes and mouth close shut, determined that no improper noise should escape her now, lest she became too loud and those waiting nearby the rooms should hear her indiscretion.

But, as said before, it was hard to keep a level head.

She turned her head this way and that, hands clasped tightly onto the sheets as something of a new sensation built up inside of her. All the while, Éomer had taken several notches up the stage, and was kissing those nether lips of hers, as yet untouched in any way even by herself. He was surprising her at every twist and turn; and she was responding to his administrations with hardly suppressed moans and whimpers as he flicked his tongue over her sensitive pearl.

“Are you quite all right?” he asked, pausing to look up at her from below, and found that he enjoyed this view of her just as well. 

“Yes. I do not know what you are doing, but I would like you to keep doing it,” she replied, eyes still shut, and need dripping in every syllable of her usual sultry accent. 

“As my queen wishes.”

He continued whatever he was doing before, and Lothíriel returned to it with a stronger sense of gratitude and relief and she sighed shakily as she felt his finger enter her again. Soon, he was pacing it faster and faster, and Lothíriel’s grip on the sheets tightened and her knuckles grew white in need of a release. Her back was arched barely from the bed, her breathing shallow and everything seemed to be mounting into something great and fragile, until she felt the long-awaited for release overcoming her body in a rush of ecstasy, the tightening knot in her stomach gradually easing as it seemed to flow out of her, leaving her a mess, but a happy mess. 

Her eyes were blurry as they opened up to the wooden ceiling above, her breaths heavier now and panting for more air, when she felt Éomer’s lips kiss her down there and she realised the fire hadn’t been extinguished. 

“Was that it?” was what Lothíriel found herself asking despite all her internal remonstrations. She tried to keep away from her eyes whatever thoughts could betray her, but knowing she probably failed this time.

“No,” was the subtly amused answer her husband gave her, and a smile. “If you wish.” He paused, and came up towards her and brushed aside some strands of her hair soaked in sweat, and asked, “But tell me. How . . . was that?” 

She could only look up at him, blushing furiously but unable to contain her smile. “I— um, it was . . . it was invigorating.” She saw, at the approximity of their faces, that his lips and a few hairs around were still glistening with the wetness between her thighs.

“I am happy to hear that,” he said, staring into her eyes, and she chuckled nervously, absolutely in love with the way he had said it so genuinely like a young boy who was just as nervous as she. 

He bent down to kiss her cheek, and then a little nib at her ear, asking her with a soft growl, “Are you ready then for the rest?” 

Lothíriel eyed at him shyly and answered, “Surely, you do not need my answer to know.”

“Yet I would hear it. I love your voice,” he said, making her head toss into a spin, as his hand trailed down her body.

“Yes,” she moaned softly under the drug of his touches. 

He pulled himself up straight, making Lothíriel wonder in half-alarm and half-curiosity, and started undoing the string of his pants. She sat up then, too, and helped him with it, keeping her eyes fixed on his that she would not waver. She got it loose and he let them fall onto the floor in a pile, leaving him as naked as the day he was born. Just as she was.

Lothíriel’s eyes, involuntarily as they were, travelled down to his lower body, to where his manhood lay erected and hard as a rock. She swallowed embarrassedly, not wanting to be rude as she stared, but she could not help doing so; blinking a few times, maybe, but it always ended up on his throbbing member, with its pink tip glistening in the light. 

“May— May I?” she asked timidly, something out of courtesy than curiosity as she thought to make it up to him fairly as how good he had made her feel. Well, perhaps the curiosity was also a large factor. 

Éomer, eyes still intent on her face, took her hand in his and brought it to his crotch. From there she slid down, touching him there for the first time, and taking back her hand in timid surprise initially. Then she placed it firmly against it, bringing her hand around the shaft of it.

“It’s . . . it’s,” she bit her lip, trying to think of something to say but her mind having gone blank. So instead she looked up at Éomer, her mouth perched, as he guided her hand to rub up and down the length of him. She took it up quickly, and started to murmur, “Well, it’s —um, hard but soft at the same time . . .” and he chuckled at that, a deep sound that came from his chest and reverberated throughout his body and to hers. 

She noticed he was losing composure, and his fingers were straying from her breasts, when at one point he grabbed her hand and said gruffly, as he pinned her down onto the bed, “That’ll be enough, my lady.” Then he got down to her thighs again, and spread them gently apart, telling her, “Now this may hurt a bit at first, and you must let me know if you wish for me to stop immediately.”

“Yes . . .” Lothíriel answered nervously, worried now as to what he meant and coming to realisation on her own. 

“I promise I won’t let you be in pain if I can help it,” Éomer said again, visible concern filled in his gruff countenance.

“‘Tis all right,” but she bit her trembling lips, gone pale for fear of standing on the brink of the unknown.

“Just... try and relax....it’s not so much painful as when your body is tensed up.” Then, holding her shoulder gently, Éomer looked into her eyes, golden-brown meeting stormy-grey ones with unspoken words of trust. “Do not be afraid.”

“I am not afraid,” said his queen. “I have never been afraid of anything.”

Men, like her father and brothers, had to fight their way in open warfare to secure their kingdoms. Most women, like her, had to endure painful ordeals in private.

As he placed himself at her entrance, and Lothíriel’s heart beat so loud it deafened her ears, Éomer traced circles on her thighs to ease up her muscles. And when he penetrated slowly inside past her warm folds, she turned her head aside, covered her mouth with her hand to muffle the cry of gradual pain. He then stayed still for a while, and she started to breathe slowly, getting herself adjusted to half of his length being inside her. It was a searing pain, and though he was gentle it still hurt her much; but eventually when it seemed she had gotten used to it, and every vein in her body seemed to be pulsing in rhythm with his, she gave a small nod, signalling him to go on.

He began moving his hips against hers, slowly at first as he inched himself forward with each thrust. As his pace quickened, and Lothíriel grew used to the friction of having him thrust in and out, her body too caved in to the pleasure albeit being painful. Her white-knuckled grip on the sheets loosened, and her hands went to his shoulders as he propped himself above her on his elbows. The knot that was tightening in her stomach grew, and there seemed no other way of satiating the sinful desire in her as she buried her hands in his hair, wanting to pull him down into a kiss, but her conscience was not yet too far gone for this.

At last, her determination gave in to the strong urge and moaned softly his name, “Éomer,” which spurred him on to continue faster and eventually led to both their releases, like waves meeting the shore, crashing onto ocean rocks. He too groaned out her name, over and over, as he filled her with his warm seed, his face buried in the crook of her neck. 

He collapsed beside her, their pantings heavy and fast, the only sounds that were heard in the dimly lit chamber-room. Lothíriel had fixed her eyes on the ceiling above, thinking over to herself what had just been done.

The pain was no worse than she had expected. Her cousin Ariellë had said it was not as bad as falling from a horse, and she had been right. Andrídha, her sister-in-law, had said that it was paradise; but Lothíriel could not imagine how such deep embarrassment and discomfort could add up to bliss—and concluded that Andrídha was exaggerating, as she often did.

But when she turned her head to where Éomer lay, his golden hair sticking in sweat and his body glistening, Lothíriel felt inclined to admit, at least a little bit, that the experience had not been entirely distasteful. He had been kindest, gentlest, and most considerate that any woman in her place could have wished for. 

He caught her looking, and smiled and said, “Yes, my lady?” 

She flushed, but quickly regained herself to correct him, “It is only Lothíriel to you, my lord.”

He let out a deep chuckle, closing his eyes for a moment. “That is right.” Then he turned himself to her and kissed her forehead, saying, “Lothíriel, my queen.” 

He got up, and a thought passed her mind in dismay that he might be leaving. He seemed to catch the alarm in her eyes, and told her gently, “I am only getting a towel.” 

He came back soon with it, soaked in warm water, that he started dabbing over her face to wash away the grime and sweat from their labour. Lothíriel looked on with wonder in her eyes, never failing to be awed by his being such a gentle person despite his stern looks. Both remained in silence, the good kind where words are unnecessary, until he reached down to her lower parts, and she, realising the blood and mess down there, embarrassedly told him, “Oh, I’ll do it.”

But Éomer looked at her with a meaningful look in his dark eyes, saying, “I insist.” She then felt it out of her power to keep arguing, and quietly acceded. It was such a strange matter for her, that he would be touching her even after, well, their duty had been performed. But no, it had been more than that. 

“By the way,” he said, bringing her out of her reverie. “I love what you always say. Won’t you say it again? Say it for me again, my queen, say you are not afraid.” He raised her chin, studying the flawlessness of her face in the candlelight. 

She leaned in, half-giggling into their kiss like a schoolgirl, “I am not afraid of anything, not anymore.”

When morning came, Lothíriel woke up in the arms of her husband, wrapped around her like strong walls of safety and happiness. The warm sunlight streaming in from the window fell onto his face, serene in sleep, softening the stern features and transforming into a picture of all that Lothíriel ever wished to love.

He went away with a small nod, bidding her good-morning and a quick kiss, very much aware of the pink glow in his wife’s cheeks as she avoided his eyes in the first waves of embarrassment renewed by daylight. The men greeted him with cheers outside the door, and marched him in triumph to his own rooms. Lothíriel heard him say, vulgarly, boastfully, “Gentlemen, this night I have been in Dol Amroth,” and heard the yells of laughter that applauded his joke. For a while, she lost her breath imagining everything that would come, and felt distressed by the prospects of having it known and teased by everybody, when it was a special thing she wanted to keep only between the two of them. 

But there would be no avoiding the ceaseless questions and inquiries, she knew, now that she was the queen and her top priority was producing an heir for the House of Eorl. Lothíriel mentally braced herself; she would brave through it. And, well, with Éomer, it didn’t seem so terrible.

Her ladies came in with her gown and heard the men’s boisterous laughter. Lady Saelwen raised her thin eyebrows to heaven at the manners of these Rohirrim.

“I don’t know what your father would say,” Lady Saelwen remarked sullenly.

“He would say that words count less than my happiness, and my happiness has been secured,” Lothíriel said firmly with a smile.

 Sincerely Snow

8 July 2024 — 29 August 2024

tagging : @konartiste @celeluwhenfics

this turned out much better than what was on the previous post … unfortunately, no toads from amrothos.

[mycenalucentipes]

Phobia || Draco Malfoy x GN!Reader

Draco Malfoy x Reader || I can’t

Summary: Reader is having a panic attack because some bullies pick on them about a phobia they have and Draco helps soothe and comforts them. He just stays by their side until they’re ok :)

Warnings: panic attack, crying, swearing, phobia

Word count: 1.7k

a/n: It's kind of short, but I needed to rant through this haha. Didn’t realize how bad my anxiety got over something until something triggered it again, so uh, now I’m writing. I’m not going to specify what exactly the phobia is, so I’ll make it quite vague, but I need to rant this out in writing. I’m still a bit shaky and sore from what happened, but I’ll be alright ^^ Also, I know panic attacks can be different for everyone, I still have a difficult time trying to put into words what I go through, but I’m trying my best, I want to be able to write it out and describe it. 

Today actually started quite nice. The sun gently kissed your skin as you walked through the corridors on the way to class. Breakfast was pleasant as you had met up with your boyfriend, Draco, and chatted comfortably while eating your favorite foods and drinking pumpkin juice. Things were alright.

“Hey, love, I’ll catch you in Transfiguration alright? I’ve got to speak to Professor Snape now,” Draco gently kissed your forehead as he stood up from the table, grabbing his belongings.

“Alright, see you later!” You replied back with a gentle wave. Your gaze held such endearment for your boyfriend as you watched him walk out of the Great Hall. Not long after, you returned to eating your breakfast and laughing with your other friends. 

Today was alright, or so you thought. 

Everything had been pleasant until some awful upperclassmen started picking on you.

They found out about a phobia of yours not long ago and deemed it worthy of picking on you for it. So there you were, huddled in a corner of an empty classroom while four older Gryffindor and Ravenclaws relentlessly tore at your fear. They taunted you, laughed at your shaking, mocked your sobs. You didn’t know how to escape this cruel torture. 

They found it ridiculous that you could fear such a thing. Such a thing that seemed mundane or normal to others. But it was a phobia for you. An extreme fear that you could not escape. It’s not like you wanted this phobia. You even thought it was silly, but when they attacked you so harshly about it, bringing it up in all of the wrong ways that triggered you, you just broke. 

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Draco had found it odd when you didn’t show up for Transfiguration. Normally, you would be there by now, greeting him with your ever so adorable, excited wave and small smile. You made Draco feel and act in ways he didn’t think he was capable of. He held so much love for you, he thought his heart might burst. Draco would do anything for you. 

Thirty minutes later, there was still no sign of you. A scowl rested upon his face for the rest of the class. Why weren’t you sitting next to him in class? What could have prevented you from coming? You hadn’t said there was any reason you would be missing class. 

That very same scowl was still present on Draco’s face when he walked into the Great Hall for lunch. He couldn’t find you anywhere in the small free time he had between class and lunch. His concern grew deeper when you didn’t show up for lunch. Little did he know, you were still huddled in the empty classroom, in the midst of a long and drawn out panic attack. 

Draco did something he hoped he would not have to do, but he was getting desperate now.

“Hey Granger! I need your help with something.” He harshly whisper-yelled as he leaned closer towards the Gryffindor table.

“Not today Malfoy.” Hermione spat back, remaining turned the other way. Draco gave an irritated huff.

“I–....Please Granger. It’s about Y/n. Have you seen Y/n anywhere after breakfast today?” He sighed in defeat as he pleaded with the Gryffindor for any clue as to where you might be. He could hear Hermione sigh as well. 

“Y/n is missing? I thought I saw some Gryffindors and Ravenclaws with Y/n earlier? They entered one of the empty classrooms I believe/” Hermione questioned, a hint of worry laced in her tone now.

“Shit.” Draco cursed more audibly. He knew that group of students always caused trouble for you. He thought he had taken care of them, and had told them to back off. “Dammit, that’s not good. Uhm, thanks Granger.” He quickly stood up from his seat, not hearing Hermione’s questions of worry. Hermione watched in concern for you as Draco ran out to find you. 

“Y/N! Y/N!? Where are you!” Draco called out while jogging through the halls, hoping he would hear your voice ring out to him. 

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

By now, your tormentors had left. Their hour of torture felt like six days in hell. Bloody fucking hell. You had stayed curled up in that same corner, unable to move for another hour. Or two hours. You weren’t really sure how long you had been there. Your body refused to move, your muscles were tense and your body violently shook still. Big tears ran down your cheeks as you tried to calm your erratic breaths, but nothing was working. The tears wouldn’t stop and neither would your spiraling panicked thoughts.

Worst case scenarios swarmed your head. Your phobia imprisoned your mind. There was no escape from it. Is this the end? You just wanted to breathe normally again. You couldn’t catch your breath. Why did your limbs hurt so much? Oh yeah, you were frozen in that position. Your entire being tensed as if it grounded and chain you down. 

What if something happened to you? What if it did happen to you? What if someone strapped you down and forced you to see it over and over and over again? What if–

“Y/N!” Your eyes shot in the direction you thought you heard a voice coming from. It sounded like Draco’s voice. You heard him call again through muffled hearing. You hoped your ears weren’t playing tricks on you. It was difficult to hear as your ears were ringing.

“Y/N! Where are you!?” It was him. Your lips parted, trying to muster the strength to call out to him. You could hear classroom doors opening and slamming shut. Draco was getting closer, all you had to do was yell for him and you knew he would come running to your side. 

“I-I’m in here. Draco, I’m here,” you called out feebly, your voice shot from the silent sobs that constricted your throat. Thankfully the classroom door was open. Thankfully Draco was near enough to hear your small cry. Thankfully, thankfully, thankfully he finally entered. 

Draco rushed over to your small, curled up form. His arms reach out to instinctively hug you. He kneeled in front of you, tightly embracing your trembling body. 

“Love, there you are. What happened? Can you talk?” Worry was evident in his tone. You felt his voice in his chest as he spoke and leaned your head further into his chest. Breathing in his scent and listening to his heart beat began to bring you back to reality. 

“A little.” You softly replied with a shaky voice. He hummed deeply in response. 

“Can I move you?” He calmly asked. 

“Yes.” He slowly maneuvered you and him into a position where he was sitting, back against the wall, with you curled up against his front and on his lap. Your whole body felt incredibly sore, you weren’t sure you could move on your own yet. The fear sometimes would paralyze you, leaving your limbs cramped in a position, unable to relax them. 

Draco gently rubbed your arms and legs, knowing how you were when this would happen. “Does it hurt?” You gave a small ‘mhm’ and he squeezed you a little tighter. The two of you sat like that for a little while and you slowly calmed down enough to at least tell him what happened.

“I’m sorry, Draco.” You whispered out. 

“Oh, love, you don’t need to apologize for this ever. Are you able to tell me what happened?” He asked so calmly again. You snuggled into his chest even closer. 

“It was the same group again. The Gryffindors and Ravenclaws. They somehow found out about my fear… my phobia.” Your voice was still hoarse and quiet, but became even quieter at the end of your sentence. Draco already knew of your phobia. He witnessed what happened when you were around it, twice. Once before you started dating, and the other time towards the beginning of your relationship. It was never this bad though. This was the worst he has seen you become. 

“My fear, I think it’s getting worse Draco. I don’t know how to control it or fix it.” You whimpered, stray tears fell down your cheeks. 

“It will be alright, we can do this together. I can help you through it, yeah?” Draco wasn’t quite sure how he would help you through it or if he could help you overcome it, but he sure as hell wouldn’t hold it against you. He still loved you to the ends of time and back. “I’ll always be there for you.”

“Thank you Draco…” you sighed softly. “They tormented me for an hour. It–It was so awful. Why me, Draco? Why are they so cruel?” You sniffled at this, your voice cracking on your last question.

“They’re obviously jealous of you,” he chuckled softly. “They probably can’t stand just how talented, smart, amazing, and lovely you are.” You let a small laugh out through your nose. “But seriously, I’m going to fuck them up so badly for what they’ve done to you. I swear I will beat those pricks into a bloody pulp”

“Oh, Draco, please don’t cause too much of a ruckus. If you get detention, what would I do without you?” You playfully pleaded with him. Though worry was still prominent in your voice, you knew he would hold true to his words.

“Fine. I’ll just give them a stern talking to then.” He spat in anger at the thought of them again. “And I’ll report them to Professor McGonnagal as well.” You nodded in approval. Draco softly placed a kiss on the top of your head as he kept rubbing you comfortingly. 

“I don’t know what I would do without you,” you sighed with happiness this time. 

“I could say the same back to you, love.” You could feel the rumble of his chest as he chuckled softly. 

“Can we just stay here a while longer?” Finally, you managed to look him in the eyes, with glassy, pleading eyes. He smiled at your action.

“Of course we can, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.” He hummed while resting his head on top of yours, arms still wrapped protectively around you. 

[misc-obeyme]

hi :)!! can i request a fic or hcs (whichever you think is better) with mammon reacting to the mc playing guitar and singing in a rock band and seeing them perform for the first time? ty !!

Hi, anon!

OOF when I tell you this one put me through it lol. I love this request, too. MC in a band with Mammon in the crowd watching them perform? Yes, that is absolutely something I want to write about! But for some reason, I really had a hard time with it? I'm not sure what that was about. I had to rewrite it a couple times 'cause I didn't like how it was going. Maybe it's because I'm always worrying about making Mammon too OOC?

Anyway! I know a lot about music, but I know next to nothing about actually performing on a stage, so I don't know how accurate some of this is. I tried to keep it vague so that MC could potentially be either in the human world or the Devildom.

In the end, I think it turned out okay? I hope you like it!

Thank you for the request!

GN!MC x Mammon

MC sings and plays guitar in a rock band and Mammon sees them perform for the first time

Warnings: none!

Mammon had known for some time that you were in a band, but he had never had a chance to see you perform until now. You didn't know he was going to be there, which was why he wanted to be sure you'd be able to spot him in the crowd. He wasn't in the center, but slightly off to the side in the front.

As you and the rest of the band came out on stage, Mammon's gut twisted. There you were, guitar in hand, standing in those soft colored lights, looking absolutely amazing. He was mesmerized by your presence, the way you so confidently moved around on stage.

You stepped up to the mic and he barely heard what you said into it. He thought maybe you were thanking the crowd for coming out or something. He couldn't focus on your words at all. The way the light was shining on your skin and your hair had all his attention. You and the band began your first song and any remaining thoughts Mammon had left him immediately.

His eyes were stuck on the way your fingers moved across the guitar's frets, expertly playing the song's intro notes. Your body bobbed with the beat as the drums and bass kicked in. And then you went back to the mic and started to sing.

Mammon couldn't move. He was just watching you, listening to you, experiencing you and the way you commanded that moment. Everyone around him was dancing, several people were singing along, but all he could do was stand there and watch. He didn't even register as other people jostled into him.

This was how it went for the first few songs of your set. He slowly began to be able to think again. He was sure you hadn't seen him…

… but then you moved down the stage toward the side where he was. You were focused on the guitar, really getting into the solo you were playing. But as you reached the end of it, you looked up and into the crowd.

It was clear from your expression that you had seen him. It started out as surprise, but then you smiled. It was a large grin, like seeing him there was the best thing that had ever happened to you.

Mammon knew in that moment that he'd made the right choice to come tonight. You were clearly thrilled at the idea that he was here to see you perform. He couldn't stop himself from grinning back at you. He raised both of his hands, waved them at you, and yelled your name as loud as he could. He watched in delight as you laughed before you had to go back to the center of the stage to start singing again.

Now that you knew he was there, you were constantly looking over at him, sneaking him little smiles throughout the rest of the songs. He was still enthralled with you, but he was cheering now. He knew you couldn't really hear him, but he did it anyway.

Then something changed as you prepared to perform another song. He noticed the way your eyes widened and he could tell even in that dim lighting that you'd paled a bit. You cleared your throat as you introduced the song and there was a nervousness about you that hadn't been there before.

"I wrote this song about what it's like to meet someone that you instantly connect with," you said. You were smiling, but it seemed like it was just hiding your sudden anxiety. "And how quickly they can become a huge part of your life."

The lights changed to soft blues and yellows. The drums started out with a simple beat, something slow but steady. This song was a little slower than most of your other songs had been, a little softer. You played a melody on your guitar, letting the notes ring out brightly.

Mammon listened to the way you sang the lyrics - as though they were coming from deep in your heart. As though every word meant something more than it seemed to.

And the more he listened, the more he realized… this song was about him.

That's why you had become nervous all of a sudden. You had realized that he would be there to hear you sing this song that you wrote about him.

His brain couldn't quite comprehend what he was hearing. He could feel tears starting to well up in his eyes, but he fought them with everything he had.

When the song was over, Mammon noticed how you couldn't look over at him anymore. There were only a few more songs in your set and he watched you through them, wondering what you were thinking and feeling. You seemed to be back to how you were before. There was an encore where you played a couple more songs and then finally the show was over.

The second he realized the crowd around him was dispersing, Mammon went looking for the way backstage. He had to talk to you immediately.

It didn't take long for Mammon to find the door that went backstage, but it was blocked by a security guard. You hadn't known he was going to be there and this person would have no reason to let him in. But it wasn't like the Great Mammon didn't have a couple tricks up his sleeve and it only took a few moments for him to bribe the guard into letting him in.

Once he was backstage, Mammon looked around for you frantically. He had to find you as fast as possible. There were a fair amount of people back here, most of them working on cleaning up the equipment. He couldn't see any of the band members. Where could you have gone?

And then he saw you. Just a short way away, you had just picked up your guitar, as though you were preparing to put it away.

Mammon practically ran to your side. "MC!"

You turned to him in surprise, guitar still in your hand. "Mammon? What are you doing back here?"

Mammon couldn't prevent himself from sweeping you up in a hug. He completely avoided answering your question. "Ya were amazin' tonight, MC!"

You laughed and returned his hug with the arm that wasn't holding your guitar. "Thanks," you said. "It was a good show. I'm glad you were here to see it."

Mammon pulled away to look at you. "MC… that song… ya know the one…"

"We played a lot of songs," you said, a mischievous tone in your voice.

Mammon blushed and sang the first line of the chorus, which was the part he remembered best.

He watched as you also blushed, but you smiled, too. You put your guitar strap over your head and played the intro to the song. "That one?"

Mammon took a step closer to you, the guitar the only thing between your bodies. "Could ya sing that song for me again, MC?"

"Sure," you said. "I'll play the song I wrote about you the next time we're alone."

Mammon really thought he couldn't possibly blush anymore, but somehow it felt like the heat in his skin increased. You leaned over your guitar and pressed your lips to his. He put his arms around your neck, trying to pull you closer. The guitar strings twanged slightly as they bumped against him.

Later that night, you would do as you promised. You would sing your song to him, strumming along on your guitar. And even though Mammon was already in love with you, those sweet notes would make him feel as though he would never stop falling for you.

masterlist | Thank you for reading!

[fitzs-trained-monkey]

🗒️ Vandal 🗒️

Word Count: 16,000+ (And nobody asked for any of it!)

Summary: A quiet high school student looks a little too closely at the tragic events afflicting their hometown. Can you uncover the truth while keeping your own secrets hidden? Or will a lapse in judgment expose you to a world of hurt? || Kol x disabled!reader || Here lies my Masterlist

Warnings: Some language, references to blood and gore, Kol being a psycho, and some dubious consent but nothing violent or graphic. This turned out a little more Yandere than I intended. Just expect ya gal's general tomfoolery.

A/N: Howdy-doo, this is your captain speaking. I know I promised a lot of you that I would have the sequel to Run for Your Life finished last week, but it's still not done and I'm really sorry. I wrote this instead. Please forgive me. I hate letting y'all down but inspiration has been really low as of late and, as some of you know, I've been facing some very serious struggles with people in my life. My sense of self-worth has been suffering, but writing this fic has been my best escape. So again, I'm really sorry to those who were expecting the Klaus fic, but I hope you like this one nonetheless.

🗒️ Story Begins Below 🗒️

When Niklaus Mikaelson confined himself to his studio, it was common knowledge among all parties of blood relation to the original hybrid that any sibling who valued their breathing privileges should promptly vacate the premises until such a time as that tortured artist ceased muttering his internal monologue aloud. 

Kol, for one, was quite fond of his breathing privileges, thank you very much. 

Ugh, breathing. 

The one thing he’d never thought would require adjusting to through the centuries was now yet another factor among a dozen others that required getting used to. 

The air of this new age he’d found himself in was thick and hazy with chemicals and other nonsense he didn’t care to think about. Drawing the filthy mixture into his lungs required significantly more effort from him than it used to. He wondered vaguely how the humans surrounding his seat at the bar of this stodgy town’s only decent restaurant did it with such ease. It must’ve been tiring. Perhaps that was why so many of the patrons around him seemed content to spend their morning religiously devoted to quaffing down as much of that - oh, what had Mary-Alice called it? - caffeine stuff as they could possibly contain. 

Though the name would suggest otherwise, Kol figured the only way the Mystic Grill, as the place was called, could remain in business was to serve breakfast, lunch, dinner, and drinks. Hence why the place was packed with half-conscious teenagers at the ungodly hour of six in the morning, stopping off for something to eat on their way to school. How did Rebekah enjoy this? Though she’d accompanied him to the grill, Kol’s sister had been quick to grab her coffee and ditch him. She wanted to arrive to school early so she could “talk”. (The notion tempted Kol to impale himself on a billiard cue.) 

Rebekah was also rather upset with him, or more specifically, his newfound enrollment in her high school. There was nothing he could do about that, however. If it was up to him, Kol would choose to spend his time literally any place else. Unfortunately for him, after that little incident with Rebekah’s date, mother dearest had been contemplating ways to keep him in line. High school was evidently what she’d come up with. It was Finn’s idea actually. Kol’s eldest brother - dull lout that he was - had suggested that perhaps attending high school with his sister would provide a convenient way for Kol to catch up on recent history, as well as assist him in developing some control over his appetite seeing as each family member had given their word not to shed the blood of any locals. As if that wasn’t bad enough, Esther had done more than just readily agree. She’d also cast a tracking spell on him. If he strayed beyond the town’s limits, she would know. 

Rest assured, he would find a way to weasel out of it - that was certain. But for now, Kol was stumped. This resurrected version of his mother wasn’t quite so dismissive of him as she’d been in Kol’s human life. He should have liked that - should have reveled in it. Yet, having her attention this time around came with a cold harshness he wasn’t so fond of. For now though, he would have to endure his punishment. Thanks to Klaus, he couldn’t even skip out.

Thus Kol found himself in an overly crowded restaurant, at six in the morning on his first day of school, surrounded by teenagers.

Kol desperately wished he could eat one or two of them. 

They were so rowdy and obnoxious. The whole world it seemed had grown significantly louder since he’d been daggered in nineteen fourteen. So much information assaulting his senses constantly. It was maddening. Being surrounded by thirty or so warm bodies didn’t exactly help. The chorus of their heartbeats fell on his sensitive ears like the cresting of ocean waves and like a riptide, he would surely be carried away if he allowed himself to listen much longer. 

The boy’s throat burned. He was hungry. Always hungry. He could practically taste the relief on his tongue. The high he could get from just one little cheerleader…

Kol got up from his seat, grabbed his bag, and shoved his way out the door, cursing Finn’s name to Hel and back. He reached the end of the street and stopped. Raking his fingers through his hair, Kol rolled his shoulders and took a deep breath.

Wrong move.

A gentle autumn breeze swept past and carried with it a hint of something sweet. No, that was too tame. That scent on the air was like pure sugar and spring water, something like berries and roses and cotton candy all rolled into one supremely tempting aroma so overpowering he nearly choked. White hot pain shot through him and his mouth watered. He was standing in the midst of town square before he even realized he’d moved. 

There, kneeling hunched over on the ground, all alone in the early morning, was a young woman who looked about the same age as he did. Any view of her face was obscured by the curtain of her hair as it fell around her in something of an untamed mess. Her clothes, nothing fancier than a t-shirt and shorts, were rumpled and irreparably stained with just about every color one could imagine as she focused intently on whatever she was doing. Scattered all around her were about a dozen cans of paint and at least a hundred individual sticks of chalk in a variety of shades. She was decorating the walkways, Kol realized as he watched her dip her hand directly into one of the cans of paint before slathering the color over the flagstones she was working on. Once satisfied that the area was evenly covered, she sat up.

The girl paused to wipe her hand on a wet rag before shuffling back around to a different section where the paint looked a little drier. 

Kol had just enough time to register the pattern of scrapes that decorated her hands and knees before that delicious scent washed over him again. It was stronger now that he was so close and like a punch to the gut, just a whiff of it knocked the wind out of him. His throat seared and his fangs ached. She was right there in front of him, trickles of blood seeping from her hands and knees - rivers of temptation. Whatever ichor was rushing through that girl’s veins would certainly be divine. Kol wanted it. He wanted to taste her warm human skin - wanted to lick the scarlet from those teasing little scrapes she’d made. No one was around. He could have that sweet, sweet crimson ambrosia all to himself. 

There was just one problem. This girl was a local. Her residence was clear from the tags dangling from her backpack which she’d tossed a few feet away. Kol couldn’t eat any of the locals, he’d given his word on it. 

Unfortunately for him, that boy’s sense of honor apparently wasn’t enough to keep his legs from moving. He was standing over her shoulder in a matter of seconds. His looming shadow must have caught her attention because the girl paused her work (she was rubbing lines of chalk into the paint now) and twisted around to look up at him, squinting against the rising sun at his back. Her cheeks were twinged with a delicious shade of pink, likely due to the warm, humid morning, and she smiled in a friendly, albeit slightly confused way.

“Hey!” She greeted - voice practically a chirp. The girl lifted a hand to her face in an effort to further block out the sun, but the offensive light couldn’t dampen her smile. Kol fought the urge to roll his eyes at her sunny disposition.

“Good morning, darling.” He flashed her a grin - the crooked one that made girls like her faint. Kol gestured to the swirling mix of hues currently stinging his eyes. “What’s this going to be?” 

The girl blinked and tilted her head. “Could you say that a little louder?” She asked. Her voice was soft but rich with a delicate, wispy quality to it like a warm caramel stretched apart. He supposed it wasn’t entirely unpleasant to listen to.

“Are you painting something specific or is it more abstract?” He wondered, raising his voice a little. Abstract was certainly the most polite term for eyesore, he thought. 

“Oh, uh, yeah! It’s Mystic Falls,” She said brightly. Then she paused. Her face scrunched up a bit and even Kol could admit it was a little endearing. “Um, I mean, not the town, but like, the falls as in the waterfalls… yeah.” Her voice tapered off into a whisper at the end and she cast her eyes away. 

Kol hummed. “I see.” He didn't actually care, however. He’d seen enough. This girl, tantalizing as her blood might be, wasn’t worth his time - nor his mother’s wrath should he break his oath. There was no thrill in chasing someone like that, girls like her gave in too easily. 

Without warning, the little artist stiffened and whipped her head back up to face him, drawing Kol from his thoughts. 

“Say, what’s the time?” She wondered, biting her lip anxiously. Her lips looked rather tasty when she did that.

Kol raised a brow and checked his watch. “Ten to seven,” He answered. 

She cocked her head again. “Sorry, what?”

“Ten to seven,” He repeated a little louder.

“Huh?”

“Bloody hell!” The boy huffed. “It’s six-fifty! Are you Deaf?”

She snorted. “Uh, huh. Yeah.” Kol’s eyes narrowed but the girl only turned her head, shoving a lock of hair back to reveal some technological array perched over her ear. The artist shrugged and faced him again. “It’s the accent, I think. Plus, it ain’t my fault you mumble. What time did you say it was again? I forgot.”

It wasn’t the disability that annoyed him, he wasn’t that shallow. It was her attitude he couldn’t stand. 

“Six. Fifty. One,” He ground out through clenched teeth.

Her eyes widened. “CRAP!” 

The annoying little artist sprang to her feet, scooped her bag from where she’d flung it, and dashed off just like that. He huffed at her lack of tact - not so much as a word of thanks. It was probably best for both of them if they never saw each other again. That mouth-watering ray of sunshine was unlikely to survive another encounter with him.

As he debated whether or not to just wander around aimlessly for the remainder of the day, Kol caught sight of an object that must have tumbled out of the artist’s bag. Only the slightest bit curious, he bent down to pick it up. Upon taking a closer look at it, Kol raised a brow. Well worn and faded, the sketchbook in his hands was nothing special - almost every artist had one, that was no surprise. What caught his attention, however, was the design on the cover, or more accurately, what had been made of it. Whereas the front of the sketchbook had once depicted a quaint scene from what he recognized to be the story Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, with little Alice looking up at the Cheshire Cat perched lazily in a tree, the girl had turned it into something far more sinister. 

For one thing, she’d given Alice a broadsword. Her dress had been redecorated with dirt stains and blood. As for the Cheshire Cat, the artist had transformed the feline into a marionette with blood-stained teeth and dreadful claws. The background had been scribbled out with a black marker. All save for a grinning silhouette, tugging at the strings of its Cheshire Cat puppet, and a line of bold, bloody letters spelling out the phrase: “We’re All Mad Here.”

It was a delightfully grotesque perversion of a story Kol had rather enjoyed reading when it was first published. Perhaps that girl wasn’t quite so boring after all. 

Kol smirked and slipped the sketchbook into his own school bag. Serves her right for being so disrespectful. Besides, the book was steeped in that exquisite aroma of hers, and if he couldn’t devour the poor thing then keeping a little memento was his next best option. If she wanted it back, she’d simply have to prove herself deserving of it. Until then, that little book of horrors was all his.

Who knows what he might do with it?

No matter what, this was bound to be… entertaining.

***

You’d never liked cheerleaders. They’d always seemed so shallowly chipper - the sort of nice that giggles behind a person’s back. Most people said you were just jealous, wishing you could have their beauty, body, or popularity. They were wrong, of course, cheerleading simply wasn’t your thing. As for appearances, at least you were confident enough in your looks that you didn’t require validation from fellow minors. You never corrected the masses though. You let them think whatever they want. (After all, you had other, more important things on your mind.)

All feelings about cheerleaders aside, they were excellent subjects for drawing poses. It was them or the football team and you couldn’t be paid enough to go anywhere near them. Besides, you had already obtained permission from the members of the cheer squad to sit in on their practices. They figured you must have been lonely and seeking their approval. You didn’t correct them either. The girls on the squad were nice enough, though you didn’t know any of them very well. Just some first names. 

Caroline, Bonnie, Amber, Laura, Rebekah. 

Now that Rebekah was an odd one. She sort of unnerved you. Like the rest, the British blonde was nice enough, but something about her wasn’t quite right. She’d just dropped off the map for a month and a half and then showed up today as if she’d never been gone. Then there was her relationship with the other cheerleaders. Half of them avoided her like the plague and the other half worshiped the ground she walked on. It wasn’t normal.

Life isn’t like the drama shows all over tv. Kids in the real world don’t act that way. 

You hadn’t grown up in Mystic Falls. Your parents moved your family into town one year ago. Though you were just a sophomore then, you knew enough to understand that something about this whole town and everything that had been happening within the last year just wasn’t right. Within your sophomore and junior years alone, no less than twenty-six kids were reported missing. At least six were later confirmed dead.

Was it really any wonder you kept to yourself? 

You were fine with being alone. It didn’t bother you. 

What bothered you was that you had somehow lost track of your sketchbook. That bundle of pages hardly ever left your person. You never went anywhere without it, and yet when you had sat on the bleachers and reached into your backpack to pull it out, lo and behold, it was nowhere to be found. Who knew what small-town hic had gotten their grubby little hands on it? 

Alright, that was mean. You just wanted your book back. The idea of someone else flipping through your sketches irked you to no end.

“Well hello again, darling!” A semi-familiar voice rang out from behind you on the bleachers and you twisted around to face him. Had that kid been up there all this time? The boy grinned down at you. “Fancy meeting you here.”

You offered him a tight smile. 

“Yeah,” You said quietly. “Fancy that.”

The boy was pretty, that was for sure. Dark hair, dark eyes, a strong brow, and a sharp jawline. Not to mention that smile, you’d sooner light yourself on fire than call it “dazzling” but you would like to draw it sometime. All in all, he was probably the closest thing to masculine perfection you would ever lay eyes upon. But you weren’t dumb enough to judge a person off of looks alone. 

Though you had nothing to go off of aside from your brief meeting that morning, you didn’t quite like that kid. On the surface, he seemed alright. A little impatient but still pretty normal. It was the way he looked at you… it reminded you of the feeling you got back in your old town whenever you noticed that your best friend's pet boa constrictor was watching you from inside its tank - how its eyes would follow you no matter what you did. It wasn’t an exactly pleasant sensation. Those onyx eyes of his - when you looked into them, you couldn’t see much of a person looking back. His eyes sparkled when he smiled but behind them… behind them there was nothing. A charming grin without a person inside.

The boy’s odd smile only broadened. 

“You know, I-I didn’t take you for the cheerleading type,” He said. You tucked a strand of hair back behind your ear, squinting against the sun in your eyes. Did he always have to position himself so you had to blind yourself to look at him?

“I’m… not.”

He chuckled. “Obviously.” Climbing to his feet, the boy hopped up onto the seat in front of him and walked gracefully down to your level - at least, as gracefully as one can while walking on bleachers. You should probably warn him about the-

“Careful, that next one wobbles,” You spoke up. Your voice never seemed to come out as loud as you intended, yet he didn’t seem to have a problem catching it. 

“Ah-” He tested the next row with his foot and stepped over it lightly. “Thank you very much.” He grinned again as he jumped down beside you.

The boy was much too close for your liking. 

“You’re welcome,” You mumbled, shuffling away slightly. He only leaned in closer.

“So, if you’re with the cheerleaders, but you’re not one of them, then what does that make you?” He wondered, oblivious or insensitive to your discomfort. You couldn’t tell which. “Unrequited lover or wannabe?”

He raised a brow, smirking in a way that appeared bemused but you could sense its condescending edge. You just shrugged. He could think whatever he wanted. 

He was baiting you, that you were sure of. The dark-haired senior wanted you to answer. He waited for you to answer. But his was a lure you weren't going to bite.  You just kept on drawing - filling in lines, and fine-tuning expressions. You were sure he would give up eventually, kids like him always did.

“Are those your chemistry notes?” He asked finally. 

You hummed and nodded. You’d never been too much of a talker. It had nothing to do with your hearing loss, or maybe it did. That was just who you were either way.

“And you’re sketching in them?”

You shrugged. “Lost my sketchbook.”

“Oh, that’s too bad.” At least he had the decency to sound sympathetic. “Did you have it this morning?” You nodded. This boy was persistent, you would give him that. He kept talking. “I see… Well, I'm sorry to hear that, darling. I would have loved to see it,” He said. 

Your lips twitched up in a smile. You wouldn’t have shown him anyway, but that didn’t matter.

“Thanks,” You whispered.

"You never answered my question," He pointed out. He was trying to get to you - get closer to you - and while any other girl would do backflips for the attention of a boy like him, you weren't any other girl. If he wanted to know you, then you couldn't let that happen. If you did, he might figure out your secret. Then you could lose everything - your education, your clean record, and the only money-making opportunity you were likely to get in this tiny, provincial town.

"I know." You sighed and closed your substitute sketchbook, just a little fed up. Maybe it was time to let the sunny, shy-girl facade drop. Perhaps a quick glimpse of who you really were would deter him. "But you're here too. So which are you? Unrequited lover or wannabe?"

The boy threw his head back and laughed, loud and clear. His laugh sounded like a stone splashing into a calm pond. Sudden and unique - one of a kind. When his gaze returned to you, he seemed to look you over as if reevaluating his previous judgment of your character. After a moment, he gave a slight nod and shrugged. 

"That's a fair point you make there, darling. I'll have to disappoint you, however, as I am merely here to pick up my sister." He gestured to the girls practicing on the field and then shot you a smirk. The boy held out his hand. “Pleasure to meet you, darling. I'm Kol, Kol Mikaelson.”

Your eyes flicked to his outstretched hand, weary.

"I…" 

Glancing up, you met the endless black pits that were his eyes. Your stomach felt queasy. Better to be safe than sorry.

You pushed his hand away. "I… don't particularly care." 

Without another word, you packed up your things and skipped down the bleachers. Exiting left of the football field. 

Perhaps you'd left him stunned. You didn't bother looking back to check.

You started seeing Kol quite often after that, which wouldn't have been weird had he not been a year above you. If it wasn't coincidence that saw you sharing both lunch period and study hall with him, then you didn't want to think about what it was. He kept his distance, which you appreciated. Kol didn't approach you for a while, but whenever you were in the same room with him you couldn't seem to shake a feeling that you were being watched. Closely. 

The day that pattern changed was the day you walked down the hall and found yourself greeted by photocopies of your art taped to every locker. A chill ran down your spine as your eyes landed on that first row of metal doors. The papers fluttered in the wind generated by passing students but you would recognize your art anywhere. 

It was one of the pages from your sketchbook - one of the sketches no one was supposed to see. 

This one depicted the football team, gathered on the field for practice. The sky above was dark and they had their helmets off. Each player's complexion was ghostly pale and their glowing red eyes all stared soullessly at the viewer. Their expressions displayed no emotion, but together they stood in a threatening formation. You had taken inspiration from both classic zombie movies and The Matrix for that sketch. In the top left corner, you had etched the title. You called it "The Hive." 

The only problem was, you hadn't exactly obtained the team's permission to draw it. 

To make matters worse, someone had added an inscription to the image that read: "Members of The Hive possess no individual thought or personality. Furthermore, they acknowledge only other facets of their collective consciousness." The words were scrawled across a crumpled sticky note attached to the top right-hand corner of the page. You hadn't written those words, but it sure looked like your handwriting. Your name was even signed at the bottom.

Someone had stolen and altered your sketchbook, and now they were using it against you.

Panic and paranoia welled up inside you. Clutching your books to your chest, you quickened your pace, catching glimpses of more and more hallways decorated with your sketch. Whispers followed you as you rushed down the hall to your locker, hoping to escape and find solace in your first class of the day, but you had no such luck. Reaching your destination, you gasped at the sight before you, recoiling in shame and confusion. It was like a shot taken straight from a television drama. This thief - whoever they were - had covered your locker with copies of that picture. 

Who would do something like this? You had only been in town a year - you wouldn't have thought that long enough to garner this degree of animosity from anyone.

"What the actual hell, Y/N?" A student exclaimed from down the hall.

Your mouth hung, gaping in shock and you floundered for something - anything to say. There was nothing. No defense. 

"Yeah, Y/L/N! What did Matt and the team ever do to you?"

Your eyes widened. "What?" You shook your head, blinking rapidly as you tried to explain, but your voice refused to rise over the commotion, accusations, and judgment. "N-no, they didn't. I mean, I wasn't trying to-to…"

"You realize how sick this is, right?" Another kid demanded, closer to you this time. "Like, seriously. Judgy much?"

"No, it's not like that," You insisted. It felt like your whole world had been tossed upside down. "I-I just-" You stammered, hapless. For once, it was the people around you who couldn't seem to hear.

"What a creep," Muttered someone else as they passed close enough for your hearing aids to register. Was that what everyone thought of you?

"No! Y-you don't understand! I-I didn't mean it like that. I-" Your heart sank. Shame overwhelmed you and you buried your face in your hands, sliding down the wall to the floor.

Your heart felt like a voodoo doll, impaled with all sorts of pins. You'd never felt impressed to explain yourself to anyone. You had never cared what anyone else thought of you. But when you had imagined all the ways your life might fall apart, this wasn't one of the ways you had envisioned. That drawing and the dozens of others like it - they were yours. 

You wished you'd never made them in the first place.

Shaking your head, you switched off your hearing aids and hugged your arms around yourself, perfectly content to stew in your own misery. A dull roar met your ears as students passed by. None stopped to address you. A few of them tossed crumpled-up photocopies of your sketch at your head but you ignored them.

Then a hand settled itself on your knee. 

Startled, you peeked between your fingers, expecting someone like the assistant principal or guidance counselor to be kneeling in front of you. Instead, you were met with the concerned countenance of none other than Kol Mikaelson. 

You froze, staring at him with wide eyes. 

He proffered a gentle smile and said something, but his words were lost to the prattling hum that encompassed your world without hearing aids. You preferred it this way. It was your natural state. You saw instead of listened, it was what made you such a good artist. Or so you'd thought.

You shook your head at him weakly, pointing to your ears, and mouthed, "I can't hear you."

Why was he here? Was he just going to tease you as he had a few weeks ago on the football stands? 

Kol nodded. "I know," He signed. His movements were small and lax - nonthreatening. 

Unsure how to interpret his sudden kindness and understanding, you shifted to sit up a little straighter, eyeing him. Kol's lips pressed into a thin line that tried to look like a smile. Without warning, he removed the textbooks resting in your lap and stood.

"Let's get you out of here, yeah?" He sighed, offering you his hand. Hesitantly, you reached out and took it, allowing him to pull you to your feet. You stiffened as the boy let go of your hand and instead wrapped his arm around your waist. He pulled you swiftly against his side, shielding you from the view of others in the hallway as he hastily but gently herded you down crowded hallways and out the heavy steel front doors. 

Just outside the school, there were picnic tables set up where students could sit to study or eat lunch. Those were deserted by now as first period was speedily approaching. Kol guided you to one of them and dropped your books on the table, gesturing for you to sit. You weren't overly fond of being told what to do, but you figured this was probably Kol's best effort to be nice so you obliged. He sat down in front of you and cupped your jaw in his hand. With his brows furrowed and expression drawn the boy seemed to be inspecting your face, though for what you couldn't be sure. 

Absently, you noticed that his hands were very warm despite the changing season. (Why that thought made your stomach queasy was a question for another time.)

Kol's thumb brushed over your cheek and you wanted to look away to hide the flare of heat that consumed your cheeks, but he wouldn't let you. 

"Well, you're not panicking," He observed after what felt like an eternity. "That's good." 

His words were muffled without your hearing aids but now, away from the commotion of the bustling hallways, you could understand him well enough. 

You gave a small nod and, refusing to meet his eyes, focused instead on the grass beneath your feet. 

"I'm fine," You whispered. Your voice was a little hoarse but he didn't know you well enough to recognize that. 

"Are you sure?"

The question was inevitable, yet you found yourself scowling anyway. 

Of course you were fine. You were always fine. 

You wanted to tell him that you didn't want his pity, that you weren't some distressing damsel and that he needed to mind his own business. You weren't some charity case he could use to prove to all the senior girls that he could be a sensitive boyfriend. (You'd been there once. You weren't going through it again.) But, as always, the boldness in your head could never seem to leave your lips.

"It's not your responsibility to take care of me," You told him instead. In your lap, your hands fiddled and tugged on the too-long sleeves of your sweater. You'd gotten chalk on your jeans again.

He let his hand drop and the swirling autumn winds cooled your cheeks. You sort of missed the warmth.

"I know that." Kol's concern morphed into a smirk. This was it. You prepared for the incoming ridicule. It never came. "You don't like anyone getting close, do you?" He guessed, casually leaning back as though he already knew the answer. (And respected it.) "Makes you uncomfortable, I'd imagine."

You shrugged and picked at the loose threads on your sleeve. Honestly, he was right - you were just a bucket of trust issues in a Technicolor wrapper. But was that any of his business? No.

"Why are you here?" You wondered in lieu of an answer. 

Kol raised a brow. "Apologies, darling. I was unaware that it's illegal for a bloke to be a good friend 'this side of the pond." 

"It's not illegal," You said. Your eyes narrowed. "But we're not friends."

You'd made a handful of friends since moving to this town. None of them had come to your aid. Then again, none of them knew about your sketchbook.

Kol smirked. "Consider this an application then!" He surmised, eyes glinting. Those unnerving tar pits seemed a little less dead today than they had before. What changed? He chuckled, amused at your loss for words, and continued. "Besides, I get the feeling I'm just about the only one who knows that sketchbook of yours was stolen from you. The only thing I want to know is, what made you draw that picture?" 

Maybe… if you told him the truth about the sketches, he wouldn't look any closer. 

"I don't like Stefan Salvatore," Came your quiet answer. 

That didn't seem to be what he was expecting, but he didn't look disappointed. Kol's lips twitched and he wet his lips in a way that betrayed a certain excitement. 

"Go on."

You took a breath.

"He and I were the only two new kids last year," You began. If you said this, you were going to sound like a lunatic, that was why you'd always opted to draw it out instead. "Strange things happen in this town, and they happen around him. No town has as many "animal attacks" as this one and those only started when he showed up. People started going missing. Some were found dead. Mr. Saltzman is our history teacher because the guy before him got ripped up right over there in the parking lot just before Stefan's first game as part of team. The police said it was a mountain lion, but I was there; I saw the body and there were no scratches. Then there's the way some of his friends a-and Mr. Saltzman look at him sometimes - I've seen them do it - like he's about to murder everyone in the room and they don't know how to stop him."

Kol stared at you. His expression had grown increasingly weary the longer you kept on rambling. When you finally closed your mouth, he nodded slowly, brows furrowed. You bit your lip, awaiting his response.

"That is…" He trailed off. To your great surprise, however, he nodded as if he actually believed you. "Deeply disturbing, darling." Kol's eyes narrowed and he leaned in closer. "You say you saw your teacher's corpse?" He asked.

You nodded. "The "bite" on his neck looked a lot more like buck-shot to me."

His eyes widened. "You think someone killed him?" He hissed.

"And the police covered it up."

"So why draw the football team?"

You hugged your arms around yourself. "Because Matt Donovan is in on it. It's him, Tyler Lockwood, and Stefan Salvatore - they've been acting so weird. Two months ago, Tyler and Stefan started acting really mean all of a sudden and the rest of the football team just started acting like zombies, doing anything they said. It was really freaky."

"And you drew it so you wouldn't have to be afraid." Kol nodded, smiling softly. "Put all the horrors in a little book and out of your head."

This kid had you dead to rights.

You tugged on the sleeves of your sweater. "I never meant to hurt anyone," You sighed.

"I know," He said. "For the record, I quite liked your little interpretation."

"You don't think I'm crazy?"

"I'm not sure yet," The dark-haired boy admitted with a shrug. "Honestly, I've never known another town to have as many functions as this one."

"Right?!" You exclaimed. Finally, someone else saw it! "Smells like organized crime to me…"

"Or cult activity."

"Or that."

"Or maybe you're just a little paranoid," Kol surmised. "But if that's the case, then who am I to judge?"

For the first time in a while, your shoulders shook with a genuine laugh. 

"Thanks Kol."

"Anytime, love."

And that boy lived up to his word. Over the span of the next several weeks, more of your sketches were spread about the school. It wasn't long before your so-called friends had all cut contact. Kol became the only person in town willing to talk to you. Every time a drawing was leaked, no matter how dark, twisted, or gruesome the image, Kol was always there to comfort you and compliment your art style. 

Each drawing that circulated the school was more damaging to your reputation than the last. Anyone you thought was in on the secret of Mystic Falls' suspicious deaths, you turned into a monster in the pages of your sketchbook. 

Jeremy Gilbert became a tortured Voodoo doll. 

("Well, there's an odd comparison," Kol commented idly, inspecting the array of pages that had overtaken your locker. "I quite like it."

A student shoved past you on their way to class, ramming painfully into your shoulder. You winced, aware that the action was purposeful, but you didn't say anything. Kol, however, glared at the kid - a cold, chilling sort of glare. 

You shrugged, readjusting your backpack.

"He just always seems so pained lately. 'Looks at everyone like they're gonna kill 'em.")

Elena, his sister, you portrayed as a prim, psychotic puppet master. 

("I'm sorry, but have I done something to you?" The popular and gorgeous former cheerleader asked when she confronted you about the sketch she clutched in her hand. Seniors Stefan Salvatore and Matt Donovan stood with their arms crossed, flanking her on both sides. The sight only served to reinforce the role your imagination had given her - the girl wore her ex's around her like accessories. They were always there to cover for her strange behavior.

"N-no, it's not like that. I-I-I swear!" You stammered, eyes flicking between her broad-shouldered bodyguards. You swallowed thickly. 

"Look, Y/N," Elena sighed. "I'm not mad at you, but whatever is going on in your life, you can't take it out on me. Or anyone else." 

"That's not what I'm doing," You mumbled, shuffling your feet. She didn't seem to hear you. 

"You know, if there's something bothering you, then you need to tell someone about it," Elena said. You were only a few months younger than her, yet she talked down to you as though you were a toddler. You wished the anger that flared and frothed inside you, didn't look like shame as it stained your cheeks. "I know we're not close, but you can always tell me if something's happening, okay?"

"No thank you, I'm fine." 

"Y/N, it's okay to let someone in." The girl pressed. 

You gritted your teeth, wishing she would just go. "I-"

"Pretty sure she doesn't have to tell you anything, sweetheart," A melodiously snide voice hummed from behind you. Glancing over your shoulder, you shot Kol a relieved smile. He dropped a quick wink in return before focusing on his fellow seniors. Elena and her posse seemed to tense up around him for some reason. 

"What's it to you, Kol?" Stefan demanded. 

"Oh, I dunno. Basic human decency? Nothing much," He replied. The dark-haired senior shoved his hands in his pockets and smirked, smug as a bug. 

"How 'bout you mind your own damn business for a change," Matt snapped. He almost made a move toward your friend but Elena stopped him with a hand on his arm.

Kol snorted at their reactions. "Why so defensive? 'Weren't expecting this lovely young lady to have some back-up?" He slung an arm around your shoulder and began twisting a lock of your hair around and around his finger. You sort of liked him tugging on it the way he did.

"We were just a little concerned," Elena claimed.

"Right." Kol smiled thinly. Releasing his fingers from your hair, he took a threatening step forward. You hadn't realized before just how tall that boy was. "Well, as Y/N said, she doesn't need your concern. So why don't you run along and take your puppets with you." 

The three seniors reluctantly surrendered under the force of Kol's steely glare and you watched them go, hugging your arms around yourself and shivering. Kol turned back to you. His hands found their way to your shoulders and he stopped down a little to look you in the eyes.

"Are you alright?" He asked. His eyes were still dark, but not the pits of tar they'd been before. They were more like soft dirt now, holding the promise of future life. 

Kol gently smoothed his hands over your arms, spreading a gooey, molten warmth everywhere his skin touched. There was something bubbly in your lungs and the shudder that ran down your spine this time wasn't from nerves. 

You took a breath and tried to ignore how his touch made you want to melt.

"I'm fine," You lied. You were fine. You were always fine.

The boy smiled as though he didn't quite believe you. "That's good." He tilted his head in the direction Elena and the others had disappeared to. "You were right about them, though. There's definitely something strange going on there."

You nodded. "Thanks."

"Of course, darling.")

Bonnie Bennett, by the grace of your overactive imagination, had been transformed into a wicked witch. Ancient runes glowed in the air, surrounding her dark ritual. Oddly enough, the thief had changed a few of them, though you weren't sure why.  

("If I might ask, why a witch for that one?" Kol asked as the girl herself scowled venomously at you from the other side of the gym.

He sat with his arm wrapped firmly around your waist, leaning in close so you would hear him though he spoke softly, having stayed a little longer after school to help you with your chemistry homework now that no one else would. You could smell cinnamon and something tangy on his breath as his lips brushed over your ear and you tried not to shiver. The whole school probably thought you were a couple, but you knew that wasn't the case. 

"There's some weird looking stuff in that girl's locker," You whispered back, pretending to be blissfully unaware of the daggers she was glaring at your head. If you didn't know better, you would have sworn the temperature of the room dropped a few degrees. "At the fundraiser we had last year, there was this car that just caught fire outta nowhere. The thing wasn't even running and it just exploded. Everybody was freaking out and running but Bonnie just stood there, staring at it like she was possessed."

Kol glanced up at the Bennett girl again. "You know what?" He decided, tilting his head. "I can see it." He sent Bonnie a little wave and turned back to your homework. "I loved the runes you included in that drawing, though," The boy added. 

"Yeah?" You couldn't help but smile.

"Absolutely. Most of them were even correct," He shot you a crooked grin. "It was impressive."

You raised a brow. "Can you… read Runic?"

"Mmhm," He hummed, checking off another problem on your homework. "Remind me and I'll teach you sometime."

You were about to ask where and when he would have learned something like that, but the question was plucked from your brain before you got the chance.

You drew in a sharp breath as his hand, which had previously rested like a ghost's on your hip, slipped deftly under your shirt. Unsure whether you liked it or not, you couldn't decide as your brain had simply quit functioning properly. All you could seem to register was that Kol was touching you and it wasn't a "just friends" sort of touch. Your cheeks felt like they'd caught fire as you glanced up at him, blinking owlishly, only to find that he was already watching you with an unexpectedly sweet smile. He studied your expression, waiting for you to protest - to say no. 

When you remained silent, that sweet smile twisted into a smirk. Leaning down, you felt a soft, tender kiss to your cheek just as Kol pressed his fingers firmly into your skin, wasting no time before he began to explore. His hand was warm, gentle, and soft as he stroked and petted your stomach. Something warm and jittery built up in your chest. It climbed up your throat, threatening to spill out. You whimpered quietly, unable to hold it back. Yet, that only seemed to encourage him. Kol hummed and slid his hand lower with another kiss to your cheek. What was that boy doing to you? Your whole body burned as he continued to fondle and caress you shamelessly. Shuddering, you bit back a moan and curled yourself closer to him, fisting his jacket as though he could hide you from the world. Kol just smirked and continued going over your homework. 

He didn't let go of you - didn't stop touching you - until the bell rang. Then he just got up, shot you a wink, and left without another word.)

Slowly, that boy earned your trust because, though you didn't know exactly how to define your relationship with him, he was always there for you. It was nice to have someone who knew why you had drawn those pictures. Not because you were self-righteous and judgemental, but because there was something very real and very disturbing going on and you needed a way to purge the constant fear from your mind.

Kol believed you. There was something wrong with this town. You weren't crazy.

But no one else could see that. 

The day a sketch of Sheriff Forbes - Caroline's mother - made its way around the student body was the day you were called to the principal's office. The picture displayed Sheriff Forbes as a creature like the Other Mother from Coraline, dutifully sewing shut the mouths of townspeople and stitching buttons over their eyes. The Sheriff was a kind woman. She didn't deserve to be depicted that way. But at the same time, you knew she was hiding something.

So there you sat on the wrong side of the principal's desk, eyes locked firmly on your lap as the graying woman watched you with a disappointed frown.

"Y/N, this is not acceptable," She said, tight-lipped with tired eyes.

"I know," You mumbled.

"Then why did you draw these pictures in the first place?" The woman demanded. 

You shrugged haplessly. She wouldn't believe you if you told the truth. She'd probably recommend you to a mental health institution. 

The principal sighed. "Y/N, it's not my business what you do in your free time, but this has to stop. You need to stop."

"It's not me!" You protested. "Someone stole my sketchbook."

"Well, then you had better find a way to get it back, and once you do I highly recommend you burn it. Otherwise, I will have no choice but to suspend you," She said, folding her hands atop the desk. "The mayor has also been made aware of these sketches and she asked me to warn you that, should another one of these offensive images appear, you can consider her commission canceled."

Your heart stuttered and sank. 

You wanted to scream and cry and tell the world it was all so unfair but all that came out of your mouth was, "Okay."

The principal nodded. "Good afternoon, Miss Y/L/N."

That was your cue to leave. 

You exited her office and shut the door behind you, letting go of a long sigh. Kol was sitting outside, waiting for you. He was always there for you. Upon seeing your distraught expression, the boy got up and wound his arms around you, holding you close. You clung to him, squeezing your eyes shut and grinding your teeth as you buried your face in his chest. 

Kol pressed a feather-light kiss to the crown of your head. “Are you alright?” He asked, just as he always did.

You took a deep breath-

(You were fine. You were always fine.)

-and let out a string of cuss words so foul they’d make a sailor blush.

He hissed in sympathy and hugged you tighter. “I take it that’s a no.”

Kol was a good friend. True, his words sometimes carried a sting to them and some of his touches lingered a little too long to be just friendly. But he was good. The two of you had come a long way since you'd first met him. When he pulled away, he probably should have rested his hands on your waist but Kol grabbed you by your hips instead. His hands were very warm and you found yourself blushing. But if you were being honest, you liked the way he was touching you - the way he had been for a while now.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked, hesitantly watching your face though you refused to meet his eyes.

"No," You answered. 

Kol offered you a strained smile and tugged you back into that tight hug. "You know you can tell me anything, right?" He said, gently.

Kol had been such a good friend to you. The least you could do was show him some trust.

"I'd rather show you." 

***

Her hand slid down his arm to his hand which Kol reluctantly lifted off her hip. Then, without another word - because she didn’t talk all that much - she led him off down the hallway. He allowed her to pull him along, amused (and two other things he was trying really hard to ignore.)

There was this funny feeling he got when he looked at that girl sometimes, with her chalk and paint-stained clothes, messy hair, and tired eyes. It was warm and pleasant and it reminded him of how he felt after a really big feed, except not like that at all. He felt satisfied, content… full, but there was nothing sinister about it. Kol found himself unsure how to label that sensation seeing has he’d so rarely felt it and when he had it was fleeting - gone before he could enjoy it. 

This time, however, when it came, that feeling lingered.

And not because he’d killed anyone recently! Kol Mikaelson had not rubbed out a single soul in that miserable little town. (A surprise to all, certainly.) That odd feeling stayed with him day to day, and he tried to ignore how pleasant it was because surly it would disappear any day now… But it never did. Kol knew it had something to do with his little artist but, honestly, that just confused him further. More baffling still was the notion that, over the past few weeks, he hadn’t found himself craving the high that exacting death always afforded him. Sure, he felt a little… hungry (that didn’t seem like the right term) on the weekends, but then he’d see her in the hallways and he felt content again. It wasn’t the sort of satisfaction he took from any of his games either.

That’s what this whole thing had started as - what it was. (Just that he had to remind himself of that fact was unsettling.) It was just a game. He’d played it hundreds of times before with hundreds of girls like her. It was the game where he came into their lives from out of the blue, stripped away every single thing they cared about - robbed them of their friends, their reputation, their comforts, their dreams - and did that all while making them love him for it. Then, once he got them into his bed, he shattered their illusions right before he killed them.

He was so close to winning this one too. Her friends had all abandoned her, half the town was convinced she was schizophrenic, and her dreams were one little sketchbook page away from being crushed. There was just one problem. 

This time, he didn’t want the game to end.

This time, he felt an uncomfortable stabbing sensation in his chest (not unlike the point of a dagger) every time she flinched. Every time she switched off her hearing aids, every time she hugged herself and sighed, every time she pursed her lips on the verge of tears - Kol felt something he hadn’t felt in well over nine hundred years. Guilt. Because he was the one spreading that girl’s naughty little pictures through the halls just so she would want him around. 

Kol simply didn’t understand what made her different. She was human. She wasn’t strong or powerful or even witty. The girl was shy, she hardly said a word to anyone but him, and when some kid shouted abuse in her face she just stood there and took it. She was so plain and boring that Kol often found himself wondering why he hadn’t eaten her yet. 

Sometimes though, she surprised him. 

She surprised him when she shoved her way though the front doors in the middle of the school day. Previously, Kol was convinced that girl had never broken a rule in her life.

She surprised him when she cussed like a sailor and didn’t apologize one bit. Was a girl like that even allowed to say those words? Legally?

But most of all, she surprised him when she tugged him along by the hand in the drizzling rain through the backwoods of Virginia, off the hiking trails, and down into a ravine where she only stopped in front of a looming chain-link fence. That fence had a big, red “No Trespassing” sign attached to it.

She suprised him when she was always fine. That girl accepted his hugs, his touch, his comfort - but she didn’t need it.

Thus, Kol was well and truly floored when his tiny sweet, delicious little artist dropped his hand and scrambled up and over that fence like a monkey scales a tree. He couldn’t believe his eyes. She had absolutely, positively, and without a doubt just broken a law. That couldn’t be right. She was too shy to break the law. This was the same girl that apologized when she broke her bloody pencil.

"You coming or not?" She challenged. And then... Then, she smiled.

The sight of it took Kol's breath away.

That smile. He didn't understand it. Y/N was no witch - he knew that for certain. But somehow there was something magical about that smile.

There were moments - only a handful of them - like the one he was in right then. Those times were so rare but when they occurred, Kol's tiny, sweet, piquant little artist would look back at him, usually over her shoulder, and send him this... this smile. The twist of her lips he'd seen her wear when he'd first met her, the one she passed out to her so-called friends, was a fake he came to realize.

This real one was so much prettier.

Words had so rarely failed him, but there was no language Kol knew that could quite describe just what that smile looked like - what it made him feel or why. That smile of her's was just so real - so deeply heartfelt - that it always made him want to smile back. Her's was never never a silly or obnoxious grin that she gave to him. It was this tiny quirk of her lips that made her eyes sparkle and her cheeks glow a subtle, appetizing pink. Her beauty wasn't like that of the models in those magazines Bekah liked - she wasn't spectacularly eye-catching. That girl's smile didn't light up a room, but it lit a fire in his chest the likes of which he'd never known. It twisted his stomach and Kol felt so hungry every time he got to witness that smile. Except that hunger wasn't the sinister kind he was so familiar with. When she smiled at him, he didn't want to hurt that girl.

He just wanted to pin her against a tree and kiss those beautifully curled lips until the taste of his extraordinary artist was seared into his infallible mind for all eternity.

It wasn't just lust either. It was more than that. Kol didn't want her just because she had a pretty smile. He needed her because that smile only appeared for him - no one else. Kol could make that girl smile and it had nothing to do with his physical appearance. His little artist's smile was reserved just for him simply because he was there to see it. She smiled because he existed and that idea was one he couldn't help but revel in. After all, when was the last time he got something all to himself without having to fight tooth and nail for it?

“Say, love, are we getting close to the bridge?” He wondered. It was the bridge or the falls, but he couldn’t be sure. Y/N didn’t reply. Her lovely, perfect, scrumptious little laugh was all he got in response. After a few more minutes of walking in silence - which he found he liked better than all the other girls he’d ever played with who always felt a need to fill the gap with meaningless prattle - they reached their destination.

So, Kol grinned. That was his real smile too. Only she could bring it out. "Of couse, darling."

He jumped and scaled the fence with the same ease as his quiet companion who took off again as soon as his feet hit the ground. It wasn't long before his enhanced hearing caught the sound of water rushing nearby.

Once free of the tree line, Kol glimpsed the dreary silhouette of Wickery Bridge breaking through the haze of rain and gloom. His little artist glanced back at him with something wild and ferocious gleaming in her eyes. For a moment, he was taken aback by the sight. But that moment was swiftly overtaken by sheer, lucidious excitement. He returned her smile and she bounded off down toward the water. He followed, enraptured and curious as she came to a stop underneath the bridge. 

“Alright, my sweet, I think I’ve let you go on long enough,” He said upon catching up with her, not that doing so was any struggle. “What’s so important that you brought me all the way out here?” 

The girl didn’t say anything. Instead, she began climbing up the mess of rocks and driftwood that had collected on the banks of the river, making her way up to the crevice where the bridge split from the shoreline. As she did, her hand slipped on one of the rocks and she spat out another string of cuss words that would peel the scales off a snake. Normally, Kol would have been impressed; however, he was a little too busy focusing on the minuscule part of him that didn’t want to rip out her throat. 

She’d cut her hand on those rocks and it wasn’t just a little scrape, like the ones he’d grown accustomed to. This was a long, jagged slit across her palm and her all-too-tempting blood was spilling down her arm in beautiful crimson rivers. 

And terrible, awful, horrid reality came crashing back in on him.

For a while there, Kol had almost forgotten the two of them weren’t the same. Somehow he’d felt full enough - full of something, full of her - for long enough that he’d forgotten he wasn’t who and what he was pretending to be. He’d forgotten about what he was doing and why he was there and what he was supposed to be doing with her. He’d forgotten that he was the predator and she was the prey. 

He was there solely to charm her into surrendering her blood and her body. That was it.

THAT. WAS. IT.

Kol hurt people. That was what he did. He screwed up, and he hurt people, and he laughed about it.

So why did the thought of sinking his teeth into that artist’s pretty little neck seem to tear his lungs to shreds? No - not his lungs - that thing between them. That thing he ignored. That thing he didn’t have. Most people call it a heart.

What was that about? Kol was a monster. He hadn’t felt anything in years, aside from rage, hunger, and the occasional apathy. One thousand years of never giving a damn about the value of human life. And now what? His heart suddenly decided to garner affection for one lonely, miserable, pathetic, perfect, baffling, innocent, gorgeous, plush, soft, disillusioned little artist? Now?

Why now? Why her?

(It had been so long. And he’d had no one.)

She was the only one who ever smiled just for him. The only one who ever trusted him enough to let him see how terrified she truly was. She was scared, so scared all the time that something would spring from the shadows that lurked around every corner to snuff out her soul. She should be, he knew. She was right to be scared. Because Kol was right next to her and he was the only person not in her sketchbook. Sure, she’d never had the chance to put him in there but he’d asked her once what he would look like if she were to draw him like she did everyone else, and his tantalizing little artist had told him she didn’t see Kol that way - that he was her friend. She didn’t know it, and he didn’t want her to know it, but she should be scared of him. 

Kol wanted to kill her - needed to kill her. He craved so desperately to ravish that appetizing girl right where they stood. Bloody hell, she should be terrified! 

Yet, he didn’t want to scare her - didn’t mean to. He was just hungry - that was all. No one was around. No one could stop him. She didn’t need to be afraid. He could make her feel good. She might like it. Kol was just hungry - he didn’t want to hurt her. One taste wouldn’t hurt her so bad, would it? She would forgive him. One bite would be enough and then he’d stop. Except he wouldn’t and Kol knew that. He would drain every last drop of scarlet from her body and he knew she would be the most exhilarating high he’d ever get. But he didn’t have to feel bad about it. He could dump her body in the river and he’d never see her again. 

Oh.

That was it.

He’d never see her again.

No. No, he wanted to see her smile again. Wanted to hear her laugh. Wanted to listen to all of her secrets and wanted that girl to let him touch her for real. No. No, no, no, nonononononononononono.

And all this ran through his head before his artist had even finished cussing. 

Y/N waved her hand in the air, displaying her cut. “God hates me!” She called down to him cheerfully. That sunny demeanor that had once annoyed him so now brought him a laugh.

“That’s on you, darling. Perhaps if you were to tell me what it is that you’re trying to achieve, I might be able to assist,” He pointed out, still chuckling to himself. The girl shrugged and reached into the crevice, feeling around for something. “If you get bit by a snake, I’m going to laugh,” Kol mused. She twisted her other hand around and flipped him the bird. After another moment of watching her grope around in a dark hole, his little artist let out an exclamation of success and retrieved her arm which was now attached to a large, black duffle bag. Carefully, she climbed down and tossed the bag on the ground. 

“Ta da!” She grinned at him. It was an odd expression - like her face didn’t quite know how to express her current joy to another being.

Kol raised a brow. “Wow,” He deadpanned. “Color me impressed.” 

Her smile didn’t falter.

“The council just finished renovating this bridge,” She said as though that explained everything.

“And?”

Instead of answering, she simply bent down and unzipped the bag at her feet. Meanwhile, ever the gentleman, Kol forced himself to turn away from admiring the exquisite view of her cleavage this action presented him. He wanted her, yes. Kol delighted in reducing his little artist into a blushing puddle when he touched her. But if he was going to have that girl, he was going to have her everything. Her smile, her heart, her mind, her body, and her respect. Everything. Not just empty lust.

From out of the bag, Y/N drew a pair of gloves, a mask, and two cans of what Kol now recognized to be spray paint. Then, donning the gloves and mask, she marched down to the concrete trusses of Wickery Bridge and got to work. The giant concrete slabs were practically one perfectly untouched canvas for her to exploit.

Suddenly, all those strange behaviors made a whole lot of sense.

“Bloody hell, the girl’s a vandal!” Kol barked a laugh. "I wondered what it was you were so desperate to keep me away from,” He said, shaking his head. “I had my suspicions but this… was not one of them.”

“Oh really,” His artist scoffed. She started out her mural with layers of red. “And what were those suspicions?”

“Abusive parents was number one,” He listed, stretching out casually on the ground, back against a rock. Not the most uncomfortable position he’d ever held. “Self-harm was number two, and number three was a sordid drug habit.”

“Do I really come off that pathetic?” She wondered blithely. 

“Most of the time, yeah.”  

The girl snorted. “Good for me!”

“That desperate to hide your little crimes, are you?” He chuckled.

“Yep!”

“Why?”

“Well, mostly-” She paused to switch colors, going with black now. “-because if Mayor Lockwood ever found out I was the one painting her little town red, I’d lose my commission to paint town square and uh… I like money.”

“Understandable.” He nodded. “I sense an “and” coming.”

“And,” She continued with a slight laugh. “I might have possibly tagged a few properties worth a lot more than a bridge.” She hesitated. “Or a town… or a castle.”

That last remark was enough to have Kol sitting up straight. “So you were the miscreant who wrote out “Blood Money” on the side of my house!” He exclaimed, wide-eyed. It was impressive as no one in his family had heard anyone approach the house that night, yet the message had been there in bright red the next morning. How had she pulled that off?

The girl froze in her painting. “That was your house?”

“Indeed it was.”

“Whoops.”

Kol waved a hand. “Eh. No harm done.” 

“So… not a mafia base then?” 

He wished she was wrong. Kol really wished he wasn’t everything that terrified his precious artist. But he was. And that wouldn’t change.

So he laughed.

“Well, if I told you that, I’d have to kill you,” He joked. Except it wasn’t a joke. But he could let her think it was. He could pretend he believed that too. He could pretend he was just a normal kid, enjoying the company of a beautiful girl. He could pretend that.

She threw her head back and laughed. 

What a beautiful thing.

“Okay! I’m done talking now!” She announced without providing any segue whatsoever. He liked that about her though, that she was blunt and direct. It amused him. 

“Well, what am I supposed to do then?” He protested. He wasn’t all that broken up about it. Just being around that girl was enough to sate his hunger for her. That's what his little game had turned into. 

She shrugged and flipped her hearing aids off, so he supposed that was the end of it. 

“You know, I’m actually a vampire,” He told her. Kol knew she couldn’t hear him and his words fell on deaf ears. He figured he should tell her the truth though. Even if it was only this once. At least then he could say he had. 

“I’ve murdered hundreds of thousands of people - plenty of them for no reason at all. As for you…

“Well, I’ll probably kill you one day. Hell, I almost did just now. I’m not all that great at self-control, you see.” He let go of a bitter laugh and scooped a pebble off the ground, laying back he tossed it over his head and caught it again and again. “But I’m really great at screwing things up!”

“I stole your sketchbook,” He admitted, a little quieter. “It was just supposed to be a bit of fun, but it’s not fun anymore. I-I don’t like to see you hurting. I could stop. That bloody school would never see another picture.” 

He lifted his head, watching her back as she continued painting. 

“But would you still love me if I did?” Kol sighed, shaking his head. “I don’t think you would. You don’t need me.”

This time, when he tossed the rock, he didn’t catch it. The stone flew and landed in the river, lost to the moving water.

“Nobody does.”

He was glad she couldn’t hear him. He could talk to her and she would never know. Blissfully ignorant, he could watch with a lazy smile as she swung her hips and just kept on painting, without a care in the world. His horribly lovely artist sang quietly to herself as the light of the setting sun bounded off the water and carded through her hair, casting an ephemeral glow all around her. He wondered if her quiet verse might be meant for him. He knew that wasn’t the case. For someone so observant and suspicious, she could be quite blind. He doubted she could be in love with him or that she understood how he felt for her. But like with the rest of this bittersweet scene, Kol could pretend. 

“Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows

Everything that's wonderful is what I feel when we're together

Brighter than a lucky penny

When you're near the rain goes, disappears, dear

And I feel so fine

Just to know that you are mine…”

***

Robert Frost had been right, you decided the day your world fell apart. You would have preferred your world had been destroyed in one giant, raging fire. Of course, you didn't get to choose. Your world froze over slowly. The cold strangled your opportunities and relationships one by one until you were left entirely alone.

You stood in front of your locker that day, staring at the final nail in the coffin of your reputation and future. This was how it was to end. In ice. You felt like ice as you stared at that final drawing - cold and despondent. 

That sketch was of Alaric Saltzman, your kindhearted history teacher who believed in infinite chances for a student's grades. He always wore a pained smile - it was a smile for everyone else because he was still hurting but wanted the kids he taught to look forward to the rest of their lives as he no longer did.

You had drawn him differently.

No smile. Just the pain. Pain that had morphed into bitterness and bitterness into hate. He was sitting in his desk chair, facing towards the door - toward the viewer - with a bottle of bourbon in one hand, and a gun in the other. Smoke rose from the barrel of that gun, and the viewer's perception was tinted red.

You had drawn your history teacher murdering you in cold blood. 

Who does that?

"So…" The silky lilt of Kol's gentle accent tugged you from your thoughts and brought just a little relief. Even if you had nothing, you had Kol. "Do I want to know what inspired this one? Or would I rather sleep tonight?"

You shrugged, apathetic. The weight of the moment yet to sink in.

"I saw a gun in his desk," You answered tonelessly. 

"No shit?"

"Uh, huh." You nodded. "Right next to the colored pencils."

The boy whistled. "I'm regretting some of the things I put in my essay now," He said. 

A tiny smile tugged at your lips. "As if you did it."

"Ouch, darling. That hurts." He chuckled lightly and you felt his arms encircle your waist from behind. He tugged you close, resting his head on your shoulder. "You don't know everything about me."

He was trying to joke, for your sake. But nothing could make this better.

"What do I do now?" You asked with a sigh. Kol pressed a kiss to your cheek - light as a feather. For whatever reason, it felt like an apology.

"Well, if I were you," He said. "I'd go out with a bang."

You nodded and shrugged - indifferent. "A bang sounds good."

Kol released you as you slipped your backpack off your shoulders. Eyeing you with a mix of confusion and anticipation, your best friend's eyes flew wide as he watched you wander over to the nearest window, arms reeling back. 

With all your might, you flung your back through the window.

It shattered into a million tiny pieces.

The raucous hallway fell silent and a few dozen pairs of eyes locked on you.

"One of you bastards stole my sketchbook," You told them, not bothering to raise your voice in the slightest. "Is that what you wanted? To see me fall apart?"

No one answered of course as you glanced between stunned expressions.

"Well, I hope you're happy now," You rasped. Shoving a few kids out of your way with the harshness that had been building inside you for months now, you left that school behind you and didn't look back.

The only sound to be heard was Kol's low whistle as the heavy steel doors swung shut. The tears streaming down your face were silent.

You sprinted home through the driving rain, the sky dark and close, almost like a blanket. Perhaps the whole world was crying with you. After all, it always seemed to rain when you were sad.

To your relief, your parents were still at work. You had the comfort of crying in peace. Slamming the door shut, you pressed your back against it, slid to the floor… and screamed.

This was your life and it was crumbling in your hands. What else were you supposed to do?

A light knock tapped against the door. So quiet you wouldn't have heard it if the vibrations weren't centered right next to your ear. 

"Y/N?" Kol's voice called from the other side of the wood. You didn't say anything, though your ragged breathing was far from quiet. "Y/N, I know you're in there. I can hear you crying." He laid his hand flat. You could hear that ring he always wore scraping against the wooden surface. "Please let me in?"

You shook your head. "I'm not some charity case," You choked out, throat raw.

"Perhaps to someone else you are," Kol said. He must have been kneeling on your front porch. "But not me. I don't have charity, darling. I'm rather selfish actually."

You huffed a laugh. It was humorless.

"Then why come?"

"Because I'm selfish," He replied. Then quieter. "I don't like to see you cry." His ring tapped against the door a few times. "Darling, please let me in? I want to help."

Your teeth clenched like a vice.

"I don't need you."

For years you'd longed to say those words. Finally, in this haze of fury and anguish, they weren't so hard to speak.

"I know." He sighed. "I know you don't, darling. It's part of why I like you so much."

Well as long as he understood, perhaps it was alright 

You scraped yourself off the floor and opened the door. Kol stood outside, drenched to the bone, same as you. His eyes weren't dead anymore - not the distant black holes they'd once been. No, his eyes were warm chocolate now, melting with something sad. He really did care.

"Come in," You signed, too worn out to speak. 

Kol's brows furrowed. He seemed worried for a moment, though you couldn't guess why. Then he took a tentative step through the door, smiled, and stepped closer, closing the door behind him. 

You watched him take his shoes and coat off through the dim light. Your house was dark. You hadn't bothered with any lights. Once he'd finished, Kol glanced up at you questioningly. You regarded him for a moment. After all, these sorts of situations never seemed to turn out well in the books you'd read and the shows you'd watched. The characters in those stories always seemed to end up doing something they'd regret.

Or maybe they didn't regret it. 

You thought you would though. 

So, contrary to what Kol was likely expecting, you didn't throw yourself into his arms. You just turned and shuffled into the kitchen. You finally switched on some lights. After a moment, he followed you, watching intently. Milling about in science, you collected the supplies required to make the two of you a cup of tea. Your quiet nature combined with your parent's distrust of humanity meant you'd never really had a friend like Kol before - someone you brought to your house and shared food with.

"You hungry?" You asked, waiting for the water to boil. Your hands shook a little, but you didn't feel like speaking. He leaned against the counter opposite you and offered a thin smile you felt you didn't quite understand.

"I'll be okay," He signed back after a moment. He took a deep breath. "I'm more worried about you."

You grimaced involuntarily, eyes shifting to the kettle on the stove. Inside, the pressure would be building until it all rushed out.

"I'm not broken, Kol," You whispered, voice hoarse and thick with more emotion than you'd ever known how to say.

"I know that-" He began, lifting his hands defensively.

"Then why do you look at me like I am?"

Kol's lips pressed into a thin line, nodding. You'd caught onto his ways a long time ago. That boy had been eyeing you like no one you'd ever known since you'd first met him. The only difference was now you were brave enough to call him out on it. So what if he saw you for who you really were? He'd seen enough of it by now. You were sick of hiding anyway.

Kol sighed and pushed off the counter. He made his way toward you with soft eyes and tentative steps until he stood just inches away, boxing you in. You met his dark chocolate eyes and refused to back down even though you knew your cheeks were stained pink. You'd never let anyone this close before.

Pursing his lips, the boy glanced down at the space between you and lifted his hand. He trailed his knuckles hesitantly over your side, then met your eyes again as if to ask permission. You swallowed thickly, but didn't tell him no. With a ghost of a smile, Kol laid his hands on your hips and squeezed firmly. You couldn’t withhold a shudder. His thumbs slipped under your shirt and rubbed your skin softly as he'd done for you a few times before, knowing how much you liked it. His hands seemed to fit perfectly over your hips as though he'd been made to hold you. 

Your eyes fluttered shut and you relaxed into his touch, letting go of a sigh. His searing hands felt nice when the whole world felt so cold. You needed him closer. 

Reaching up, you fisted the collar of his shirt rather harshly and dragged him toward you, pressing your whole body against his. He flinched slightly, surprised by your newfound eagerness, but he quickly reciprocated. Kol chuckled softly and you felt his lips graze your temple before he clinched your hips tighter and lifted you to sit atop the counter. Your heart stuttered and raced in your chest and you gasped sharply, drawing back enough to catch the smirk dancing on his lips. Your cheeks reddened further as he urged you to spread your legs so he could stand between them. His arms circled around your back and you hesitated.

So what if he was a senior? So what if you were a couple of months younger than he was? He'd been a good friend to you. 

Shaking your doubts away, you wrapped your legs around him and rested your head on his chest. Kol hummed quietly and pressed another soft kiss to the crown of your hair.

"I know you're not broken, darling," He said. His hands ran up and down your back, massaging a blazing heat into your bones. "I'm just trying to figure out what it is that you really are."

Your hands on his shirt clenched tighter.

"I'm angry,” You admitted. 

“Why?”

His question prompted your lips to twist into a scowl as a hysterical laugh bubbled past your lips.

“Really? You’re asking me why?” You huffed, shaking your head. “How ‘bout why not? I’m sick of it, Kol. All of it. The lies, the expectations - nothing is right in this town and I hate it! I’m seventeen! I should get to feel safe but I see people and they’re dropping like flies. And you’d think I’d at least get the luxury of being terrified, but no! I have to act like nothing is wrong!” You looked up at him, tears returning to sting your eyes. “I tried to. I really did. But it was too much and I couldn’t and I had to put it all somewhere. Now some idiot who thinks they’re funny just up and ruined my whole future. I’ll never get a job here now, not like it matters because mom and dad are shipping me off to some mental institution-”

“What?!” Kol cut your rambling off suddenly. Reeling back, he stared at you with wide eyes. You just shrugged. “Your parents are sending you away over this?” He demanded.

You raised a brow. “Kol, this is kind of a big thing.”

“How?!” He exclaimed. His grip on your hips tightened. He seemed agitated - more than you would expect. “You drew some creepy pictures. So what?! Who cares?!”

“A lot of people care,” You deadpanned. “I drew the likeness of people around me without their consent. That's a big no-no. My parents are worried I’m overstressed, narcissistic, and paranoid. They say I need help.”

“No, that’s not-” He cut himself off this time, teeth grinding. He wouldn’t look at you, just squeezed his eyes shut tight. You waited for him to gather his thoughts. 

“They can’t take you away from me.” 

Finally, he looked up. Smoldering black eyes met your own with a determination that couldn’t possibly have belonged to an eighteen year old boy. It was etherial - hard to capture and even harder to understand. His eyes seemed darker all of a sudden. An odd trick of the light. 

“That’s a nice sentiment,” You said quietly. “But unless you’ve got some hard-core magic up your sleeve, it’s not gonna change anything.”

Kol nodded stiffly. “Magic, eh?” His voice was dry - strained almost. He let go of you and took a step back, bracing his hands on the counter. The breaths he drew were long and deep - shaking. His eyes flicked back to yours, blazing with something needy. He cursed. 

“Screw it.”

The boy surged forward and his lips caught yours before you could even blink. His arms wound around you again and held you tight and close. One hand wove itself into your hair, tugging on the strands greedily. You couldn’t seem to focus enough to keep your eyes open, they fluttered closed as Kol pressed closer to you. You weren’t sure what to do or how to react, so you just tentatively kissed him back.

Kol flinched. Actually flinched, like he hadn’t expected his affection to be returned.

He pulled away, chest heaving with ragged, uneven breaths. 

Had you done the right thing? Would you regret this tomorrow? Would he?

“Kol, wha-”

His lips on yours shut your doubts up pretty quickly. 

“I’m so sorry about all of this,” That boy whispered into your mouth. “But it’s okay. You don’t have to worry anymore. I’m going to fix everything, darling. I promise.”

He left you no time to think. He just pressed you closer - as close as he possibly could and you felt warm. Warm and safe and wanted. His fervent kisses grew increasingly heated and desperate by the second. It was like you were in a haze, possessed almost. There was a sweetness and hunger to him that you were entirely unaccustomed to. Holding the back of your head with a gentle hand, Kol was tender and patient yet determined as he licked at the seam of your mouth. You gasped, flinching as you felt his arm around your waist constrict almost painfully. Seizing the opportunity, Kol swiftly deepened the kiss with a hum of satisfaction. He wasn’t harsh or forceful about it. You just weren’t sure. A tiny whimper escaped your throat but he just swallowed it eagerly. Did you really want this? Were you ready? 

You felt suffocated, trapped, and unable to breathe. You pulled back, trembling. But Kol wouldn’t let you go. He broke away, shaking his head.

“No, no. Darling, shhhhhh.” He combed your hair back with his fingers. It was comforting. “You’re alright. I’m not doing anything.”

“Kol, please-”

“No, you’re fine. Everything is going to be alright. Just trust me,” He promised. The boy smiled and settled his lips on yours again. You didn’t fight him. All you could seem to do was shudder as he captured your lower lip and bit down. On his shirt, your hands relaxed. It was almost as if he’d drugged you. Something about that was disturbing, yet you clenched your thighs around him nonetheless.

“See?” Kol flashed you a soft grin as he broke away this time, pressing a sweet kiss against the corner of your mouth. “You’re okay, love. This isn’t me hurting you.”

Then what was?

Kol’s hands slid beneath your shirt and they were so warm as he ran them over your waist and higher onto your ribcage. You had half a mind to let him do anything he wanted, but something wasn’t right. The realization hit you like a ton of bricks at terminal velocity. 

On the stovetop, the tea kettle screamed a warning.

Magic was your first clue. That and he’d said he’d fix things. 

What if he already had?

You stilled. All the warmth in his touch faded in an instant and you let go of him. You didn’t cry out or shove him back. You just quit moving.

Kol’s mouth slowed soon enough. He pulled his hands away and stepped back. The boy eyed you for a moment, but you wouldn’t look at him. Then he cursed. 

“Y/N, I’m so sorry. I-I don’t know what happened.” Throwing his head back, he scrubbed a hand over his face and groaned. “I don’t even know what I was thinking. I shouldn’t have pushed you. That was a disgusting thing to do. Please forgive me?”

You didn’t. You just drew your knees up to your chest, curling into a ball. The tears came back. Your ribcage shook with your pained breaths. 

“Y/N?” His voice was faint and far away. “Y/N, please look at me?”

You hardly heard the words that left his lips. You were too busy processing his greater sin.

The declaration came out as hardly a whisper. 

“It was you.”

Kol blinked. Then he frowned. 

“Darling… what are you talking about?”

You shook your head. Tears streamed down your face.

“Why?” You seethed. “Why would you do it?!”

He took a step back, seeming hurt. “Sweetheart… I’m sorry but you’re not making any sense.”

You weren’t going to play that game. Wordlessly, you hopped off the counter and strode over to the kitchen doorway. Kol had dropped his backpack there. You tore it open and rummaged around until you found it. A little book covered in black Sharpie. 

“How many high school students do you think know Nordic Runes?” You challenged softly.

“I dunno.” He shrugged. “Probably quite a few. I suspect it’s a relatively common niche interest.”

You hummed. “Let me rephrase then: How many high school students in Mystic Falls do you think are fluent enough in runic languages to correct it when they see a mistranslation?” You whipped around, displaying your oh-so-precious stolen sketchbook in your hands.

The color drained from Kol’s face.

“Darling… I can explain that,” He tried, voice raw - desperate for you to believe him. You wouldn’t. 

You offered him a smile. That same fake, hateful smile you offered to all the people in this town who lied to you. 

“Leave.”

Kol looked as though he’d been shot. 

“Y/N, please. Just let me explain.”

You shook your head. 

“I won’t say it twice,” You spat. Then, switching off your hearing aids, you turned away and started for the stairs. “You know where the door is,” You called over your shoulder, half growling the words. “Don’t let it hit you on the way out… bastard.”

Upstairs in your room, you locked the door and cried. This time you didn’t make a sound.

***

Kol had screwed up. Royally. 

In fact, he was convinced that this was even worse than that time he’d accidentally played god on the continent now known as Australia. (Mammals shouldn’t lay eggs and none would if not for his hubris and an escaped lab rat. Or in this case, a lab platypus.) However, this time, Kol couldn’t just run away. Of course, there was mother dearest’s spell to consider but, that wasn’t the only thing keeping him from leaving that girl and her stupid precious tears behind. For whatever reason, he couldn’t stand what he’d done. He knew this for a fact because he’d had all night to think about it.

Her face, sparkling with fresh tears, was an image burned into his memory. Kol couldn’t seem to forget the tremble in her voice as she’d pulled that bloody sketchbook out of his bag. He could still hear her crying on the other side of her bedroom door. No matter how long he’d begged her to let him in, that door had remained locked. 

This wasn’t how things were meant to go - not when he’d been so close. He couldn’t stand it. 

She’d almost been his. Kol had finally held his sweet little artist in his arms and nothing, nothing - no drug nor blood-induced high he’d ever experienced - could ever compare to finally getting to touch her. He could have had more. He could have won his prize - could have kept her forever.

But he’d screwed up. Now, she loathed him.

He could stand losing a game every now and again. That was what kept things fun. But this wasn’t a game anymore. It hadn’t been for a long time. He couldn’t lose. Kol refused to lose.

Luckily, his delicious little artist was very, very human. 

He would go to her one more time, he resolved, to try to explain things. Truthfully, he knew there was no excuse for what he’d done, but that couldn’t change the facts. Kol needed her. He wouldn’t give her up just because he’d been dumb enough to let her snatch that sketchbook from his satchel. It wasn’t her fault. Had their roles been reversed, he wouldn’t forgive himself either. But luckily, his steel-spined artist was human. Luckily, Kol could erase his little mistake. 

Perhaps he could grab a quick bite from her too before he wiped her memory. A little taste might aid his patience for her - he didn’t fancy slipping up again like he had the night before. If he hurt her without realizing what he was doing, Kol knew he would kill his little artist far too soon.

He’d made his decision. The only thing that gave him pause was the wrinkled sheet of paper Bekah found that morning. 

“Kol?” Her voice rang through their brother’s mansion carrying confusion and worry. “I think you might want to see this…”

He’d been at her side in a split second, snatching the paper from her hands. It was a drawing, and Kol recognized its style of it instantly. Her lines were intimately familiar to him now, even as harsh and erratic as they were in the sketch he held. 

His beloved artist had finally drawn him. 

The twisted image was startlingly and horrifically accurate. Something clenched in his chest at the sight. She’d drawn his countenance pale, his hair was a wild mess and his eyes were black, empty holes. A vicious snarl warped his lips, accompanying razor-sharp fangs that looked all too real. In the picture, he knelt in the driving rain, cradling a limp corpse. His lips were coated in thick, crimson blood. Enamored as he was with his nightmarish likeness, Kol’s eyes were drawn to the most lifeless part of the image. He would have recognized those paint-stained clothes anywhere.

Now, Kol had added little notes to the drawings he’d stolen from his sweet artist’s sketchbook. This time, she had included her own. 

The harsh, hate-filled words read: “Vampire - a creature that feeds off the misery of others.”

At the bottom of the page, his artist had left him one more note.

“I hope you’re satisfied.”

Rebekah, peering over his shoulder now, whistled lowly. 

“That’s not Nik’s work,” She noted.

“No.” His voice came out sharp, clipped. “No, its not.”

“So who’d you piss off this time?”

Kol shrugged and tucked the drawing in his pocket. “No one important,” He lied. 

Shortly after that, he arrived beneath the trusses of Wickery Bridge. He knew where that girl would be - knew his artist couldn’t leave a piece unfinished. If she noticed him coming from a far ways off, she gave no inclination. Kol, however, noticed quite a few things. The tremor in her hands as she moved a can of paint back and forth in front of her. A used sleeping bag laid out among the rocks. A banana peel displaying the only proof she’d eaten any sort of meager breakfast. He noticed. He always noticed. 

His feet crunched on the gravel as he approached but he doubted the girl heard it - more than likely she had her hearing aids powered off. He could see the appeal in it. After all, it got quite loud in his head sometimes. Turning off the sounds of the world might be nice, but such was not his curse. 

Kol wound his arms around her waist from behind and leaned down. Her skin was so smooth and perfect, it was hard to resist simply biting down and taking her all to himself, but instead of piercing her throat he opted to kiss her a few times, gently. He knew how she would react by now. Y/N wouldn’t fight or squirm, she wouldn’t even scream. 

She just relaxed. 

Fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. 

A spitfire when angered, she could be quite impressive; however, when confronted she would always resort to that last option.

He could scent her fresh tears as they slipped down her face, while in his arms her body shuddered, though not quite the way he would prefer. Only one word could seem to manifest through her pain. 

"Why?" She didn't say it out loud, just signed it. Kol held her tighter, shrugging.

"Because I'm an attention whore," He answered simply. It was the truth too. "And I don't know when to stop."

He would always need that artist more than she needed him. From the first moment he'd met her, that was how their story had gone.

If it was even possible, that girl melted further into his embrace. Her head rested against his collarbone and she sighed.

"So you think I'm crazy too, huh?" She smiled and it was a miserable thing.

"I never thought you were crazy, love," He admitted, pressing a kiss to her temple. "I just didn't care for a while at first."

"What changed?" She wondered, brows furrowing.

"You smiled at me."

The girl barked a laugh. "Oh, well that's nice." She rolled her eyes.

Kol pulled her closer to him, as though he could make her feel the emotions he couldn't explain. "Don't believe me?"

"Nope." And she never minced words.

"It does sound rather cliche, doesn't it?"

"Ya think?" She scoffed. Her chest still shook with sobs she tried to suppress. He twisted her body around to pull her into a proper hug. Again, she didn't resist. She'd completely given up. 

Kol didn't like this hopeless, hysterical version of the strong, dagger-sharp artist he'd come to adore. He'd seen this sort of apathy before and typically it bored him. In her, it only seemed to hurt. It impressed him to hold her close until she finally understood that he was bloody sorry!

"Can you ever forgive me?" Kol found himself asking. Funny, he couldn't seem to remember another time he'd wondered such a thing. 

Y/N snorted humorlessly. 

"Maybe in a million years," She replied sourly. "Or maybe when the nut-house straightens me out - whichever comes last."

Those words stung like poison. It had been so, so long since he'd made a mistake he couldn't fix with a snap of his fingers. Accountability was a nasty, uncomfortable thing. 

A voice in the back of his mind reminded Kol that he could always compel his pretty little artist. But… he'd rather hoped her affection for him might be real. He didn't want to ruin that just yet.

Kol groaned quietly and tucked his face into the crook of her neck, fixing his lips over that girl's pulse again. The effect was somewhat calming despite making his fangs ache like nothing else. 

"I care about you, darling," He mumbled into her skin. 

"And I trusted you."

He understood. That girl didn't trust anyone. Now he was just another reason why.

A police siren flared to life in the distance, drawing closer. The artist in his arms chuckled dryly.

"Sounds like my ride's here," She observed, void of all life or emotion. The wheels of a police cruiser pulled to a stop not far off. She'd be caught in the act and Kol happened to know the police force had been set on vervain. 

"I won't let them take you," He swore, tightening his grip on his little artist. A car door slammed shut. Footsteps began approaching.

"And what are you gonna-"

Kol picked her up and ran. Consequences be damned. That girl was his. 

He stopped on the pretentious front porch of his brother's mansion and allowed her to absorb her new surroundings. She trembled in his arms, eyes round as saucers as she glanced around.

Her eyes met his and she shook her head, taking a step back. "Kol?" Her voice was thick with dread. "What… just-"

"You're okay," He assured her in lieu of an answer. He spoke calmingly, but she wouldn’t allow him to step any nearer. "You're safe now."

"No." Her voice was bold and firm. She held out a hand, increasing the space between them. “Tha-that wasn’t right. We-we-we were, uh… We were there… a-and now we’re here. What happened? Tell me. Tell me what you did!”

“Relax darling, there’s nothing to be afraid of,” He lied. The boy smiled disarmingly, voice a honeyed guise - it had worked before, back before she’d trusted him. “It’s just me.”

“No… No, y-you’re not-” She bit her lip and retreated further, blinking rapidly. 

He took another step closer, shushing her disoriented protests. “You’re alright, love. It’s. Just. Me.”

“NO!” The girl cried out with a tone forged from steel, but Kol watched as her resolve warped and cracked. He could see it rise to the surface - that all-consuming fear in his delectable little artist that he so relished and despised. “No… Kol, stop. Please.” Her sweet melody of a voice came out as a hoarse whisper now. “Y-you were my friend, and… I-I still want you, I do. But you need to stop. You’re not supposed to be like everyone else. Stop lying.”

Kol sighed heavily. His artist had been betrayed, time and time again. He couldn’t be like the rest of this godforsaken town - not if he wanted her. Yet… If he told her the truth - if he revealed himself to be everything that terrified her so - how would she possibly stand his presence?

“Do you truly wish to know?” He asked, unable to meet her gorgeous, all-too-perceptive eyes.

"I have to,” She whispered, almost to herself. “I’m not crazy. I-I didn't just imagine that!"

“You’re right.” He nodded and offered her a slight, halfhearted smirk. "You see too much for your own good, sweet thing. But please remember, you asked to be shown this part."

Kol thought about her - about his gorgeous, perfect artist. He inhaled deeply, taking in her mouth-watering scent. He focused on her heartbeat - wet and strong - let it lull him. He pictured that adorable, appetizing blush that always spread across her cheeks when he touched her. Kol allowed himself to imagine just how sweet, how lush, how devastatingly succulent that girl would taste just beneath her soft, warm human skin.

Then, welcoming that corrupt temptation, surrendering to it, he opened his eyes. 

His little artist screamed.

Tagging: @yn-ymn-yln @r13mar @rootbeerfaygo @iiskittles16ii @fandomrulesall-blog @dark-night-sky-99 @railingsofsorrow @apolloroid @thatweirdoleigh @misswe03 @eat-cake @felinegrate @cute-freak27 @fayeatheart @archangelslollipop @aonungs-tsahik @sleepneverheardofher @heartbreakgrill @whatsupb18 @enchantedlandcoffee @trikigirl271 @dreamingwithrafe @her-violent-delights @witchcraftandgeekness @dreamingwithrafe @acixsracix Comment or DM me if you want to be added to my tag list!

[teddypickrwritings]

Okay actual request, Emil x(?) Luca, maybe trauma bonding? Idk if ship or not, maybe with caring Ada sprinkled in

A/N: This is my first request! thank you, bestie!! I apologize if this is poorly written/OOC. This is my first time writing something IDV-related.

First Friend - Luca x Emil (platonic)

genre: fluff with a bit of angst

CW: discussions of trauma, mentions of death/murder

“Ada, I…I want to ask something…”

Ada looked down at her lover in her lap. His eyes were closed, but his brow was slightly furrowed with worry. “What’s wrong, my love?” she said softly.

Emil’s hands trembled slightly. “Are there other people like me?”

“Oh, Emil. I’ve already told you, I could never love someone as much as I love you,” Ada said reassuringly, gently stroking his hair.

His lips curled up in a small smile, but his eyebrows didn’t relax. “I meant, um…are there…other broken people?”

“There are people with conditions that affect their behaviors and actions, but not in the same way as yours,” Ada explained. She pursed her lips. “I wouldn’t use the term ‘broken’…”

Emil opened his eyes slightly. “I…kind of want to talk to them,” he said, almost in a whisper.

That was a bit surprising to Ada. But she felt her heart swell with hope; was this a sign he was improving again? “Of course, Emil. I can arrange a group therapy session,” she said happily. “Although, perhaps we should start out talking to one person first.”

“Could I talk to them myself?”

Now, that was shocking. But Ada was so overjoyed that she couldn’t help but lean down and give him a kiss.

“A-Ada!” Emil gasped, cheeks turning red. “Does that mean yes…?”

She nodded, beaming with pride. “Yes. I will go around and talk with the others to see if any of them would be interested,” she said.

Emil’s smile grew. He caught her hand and kissed it. “Thank you, Ada…”

Most of the people that Ada talked to were either disinterested entirely or only vaguely interested. She was worried that she would end up disappointing Emil, until a certain former prisoner agreed to sit down with him.

So now, Emil and Luca were in a secluded spot in the manor where nobody could bother them. Ada remained within calling distance, but she wouldn’t be able to hear their conversation.

“You wanted to talk with people, quote, like yourself. Is that correct?” Luca asked.

Emil nodded, not making eye contact.

“Your lady was quite persuasive. It was a bit scary, actually,” the other man continued. He tapped his chin in thought. “Can’t really remember what else she said…”

“Oh, I can’t remember things either!” Emil blurted out. He fiddled with his grappling hooks. “My brain is…spotty.”

Luca seemed pleased. “That’s what mine is like. It’s unfortunate for an inventor like myself, but I think I’m making progress.”

“Inventor…what kind of things do you make?” Emil asked.

The prisoner’s eyes—or rather, eye—lit up. “I’m glad you asked! Now, how familiar are you with motion machines?”

Emil stared at him blankly.

Luca launched into a brief but detailed explanation of basic physics and machinery. Honestly, Emil didn’t really understand half of what he was saying. But he was…impressed? Maybe?

“…and that’s that! Any questions?” Luca finally finished with a proud sigh.

Emil hesitated. “How did you get like this?” he asked.

“Get like what?” But it was clear that Luca knew what he was talking about from the way his fanged smile faded.

“You said your brain is spotty too, but you remember all that machine stuff,” Emil said cautiously. “I think I’m asking…how do you remember? And what happened?”

Luca was quiet for a few moments. Emil’s leg anxiously bounced up and down. “I can’t remember what happened to me,” he finally admitted with a small shrug. “All I remember is flashes of lightning and maybe an argument. When I was jailed, they kept saying I killed my teacher. But is that true…?”

Emil knew that that question was not meant for him, but he had a reply anyway. “It’s hard for me to know what’s true too, sometimes,” he said carefully. He looked down at his scarred hands. “I don’t know my past either. I swear that I remember something involving dogs. Ada’s treatments helped for a bit, but…”

The prisoner smiled sadly. “I would go looking for answers myself, but I think maybe I’m scared of the truth. I…I don’t want to be a murderer.”

“Ada says there’s people like that here…you’d fit in,” Emil said bluntly.

Instead of feeling offended, Luca burst out laughing, making the patient jump in his seat. “You’re pretty funny!” he exclaimed. He wiped tears from his eyes as he caught his breath. “Sorry. That kind of made me feel better, strangely enough.”

What was also strange was that Emil felt…relaxed? Luca was undoubtedly odd, but he was nice to talk to. Maybe it was just initial relief from confiding in someone other than Ada for once. But Emil liked the feeling.

“Listen. Let’s be friends,” Luca said. He had a slightly mischievous grin. “I’m not experienced with romance. Or maybe I was, I don’t know. But I’m sure you and Ada need time apart sometimes, right? And you don’t have anyone else to go to?”

Emil bit his lip hesitantly. He was right, but… “How do I know I can trust you?”

“I think you already do,” Luca said knowingly. “Weren’t you the one who initiated this meeting? And you seemed comfortable opening up to me just a bit ago.”

The patient tried stammering out a reply, but couldn’t.

“Eh, what do I know. I’m just an inventor with his brain scrambled,” Luca said with a shrug. He held out his hand for a handshake. “D’you wanna be friends, anyway?”

Emil stared at the hand almost a bit too intensely. This is what Ada wanted, right? No, she never explicitly told him to make friends with this man.

He realized that he wanted to be friends with Luca all on his own. So he shook his hand with a tiny little smile.

His first friend.

[improvised-finish]

FFXIV Write 2024 - Prompt #17 - Sally

Content Warnings: Lehon'a is referred to with he/him pronouns, as this takes place before her transition in Shadowbringers, but not in a transphobic way.

Spoiler Warnings: None

Summary: Can it really be called a 'happy nameday' if you're getting forced to leave your tribe? Asking for a Lehon'a Nhavareh.

Check it out below or on Ao3:

As the light of dawn began to slip into his rooms through the breaks in the shutters, Lehon'a awoke to a feeling of dread. Today was the day, after all.

In truth, he'd dreaded today's coming for some time, passing from willful ignorance to rage to a melancholy that he could never quite shake. Something about it felt wrong.

The day should've been one of celebration. It was his nameday, or at least the closest thing he'd had to one. The anniversary of the day his mother had taken him in from the road where he'd been abandoned. Eighteen years it had been, apparently. Supposedly, that made him an adult, a ‘man’ in the eyes of the tribe. 

He'd always hoped that that word would come to fit him, that he'd grow into it like an ill-fitting shirt handed down from an older family member. Yet today was the day, and he felt no more a man than any other day he could remember. 

Traditions left little room for feelings, no flexibility for confused youth or anyone who might dare to question why. 

And so, in the traditions of the Miqo'te he'd been raised with, his eighteenth nameday would be the day he was expected to leave the tribe.

He could return every so often, of course, and he certainly planned to. But the expectation was that he would go and see the world, meeting other tribes and gaining worldly experience until he one day found a mate. And that expectation was mutually exclusive with the strong bond he'd formed with his mother, not to mention his female peers who he would also be leaving behind.

It felt like dying, like leaving behind the person he was in search of some vague notion of cosmopolitan knowledge. And he didn't want to die.

His bag had already been packed the night before; he'd correctly guessed that he'd feel no motivation to do it in the morning. A freshly washed white and tan tunic hung from a hook and his reliable pair of thighboots sat near the door, waterproofed and ready for the road ahead. More reminders of the impending journey.

Maybe if I just don't move or make a noise, it'll just pass me by, Lehon'a thought, knowing full well such juvenile logic would never actually hold up in a situation like this. Anything to keep it from coming, to keep it from happening. He felt every single second pass in a silence he knew would break, sooner or later, and it was almost a form of torture. Instead of spending this time with his mother, cherishing the moments they had left, he was here, hiding away from everything in bed. 

Not long after these thoughts came a knock at the door.

“Lehon'a? Dearheart, are you awake?” his mother called through the door. He couldn't bring himself to remain silent, but his lethargic voice betrayed his emotions.

“Yeah, mom… I'm up.”

She noticed immediately. “Can I come in?”

Nothing seems to matter, so might as well, he thought. “Sure.”

The door opened slowly, and Lehon stepped through, carefully closing it behind her to avoid making more noise than necessary. She crossed the space between them and sat on the bed, at his side.

“I know this isn't what you wanted, and to be truthful, it’s not how I’d like to spend your nameday either. But I am determined to make the most of the morning before you go, so I made some breakfast for the both of us, and I’ve got something to give you before you go.” She paused for a second. “I’ll give you a bit more time on your own, but the food will get cold eventually, so the quicker you’re through that door, the better breakfast will be.” She gave him a kiss on the forehead, as she’d done many times before, and then got up to finish the cooking, leaving Lehon’a on his own once more.

After another moment in thought, he pushed himself up to a sitting position, let out a heavy exhale, and then kicked his feet out from under the covers and onto the floor.

It wasn’t much longer before he’d gotten dressed: undershirt, tunic, pants, boots, one after the other. Getting ready had a certain momentum to it, even under these circumstances, and he found it easier to keep moving forward once he’d started. After some quick checks of his pack, he stepped through the door and into the kitchen.

It was far from a panacea, but he would’ve been lying if he’d said the aroma of breakfast food didn’t improve his mood at all. It was all his favorite smells, wrapped into one: eggs with cheese and fresh vegetables from the garden, a tuna spread with lemon and herbs on toast, and a pitcher of La Noscean orange juice, which was a rare treat in this part of the Shroud.

“I hope you’re hungry, ‘cause I might’ve gone a bit overboard,” Lehon said with a laugh.

“Smells great, mom.” Lehon’a stopped to set his pack down next to the table. “Thank you.”

Lehon quickly dished up a couple of plates while Lehon’a was busy pouring the juice, and they met at the table moments later.

“I know I was just making a big fuss about the food getting cold, but I’d rather do this sooner than later, on the off chance we run out of time eating,” Lehon began, fishing for something in a pocket of her apron. “I got you a proper gift for your nameday, and for the road ahead, too.” She extended her hand, which held a small box. Lehon’a took it and began to gently untie the ribbon that held the two halves together. He gingerly separated the lid from the base and set it down on the table as his mouth fell open in shock.

It was an earring, a crescent moon made of bronze inlaid with a small pearl that featured two thin crystals that dangled beneath it. The symbols of Menphina, he thought.

“Oh, it’s beautiful…”

“I’m glad you like it, dearheart. My hope was that it might remind you of me, of us, when you’re far away, and that you might walk under Her protection wherever your travels take you.”

Without missing a beat, Lehon’a took the earring out of the box and clipped it to his ear, subconsciously wiggling it a bit as he got used to the slight difference in weight.

“It really suits you,” she said as she got up from her seat and opened her arms for an embrace, which Lehon’a gladly accepted.

“Thank you,” Lehon’a replied, trying not to let the tears in his eyes escape.

“Save the tears for after breakfast, all right? I don’t think the eggs need any more salt.” The joke snapped the tension in the air, and they both let out a hearty laugh as they went back to their seats to start eating.

Lehon’a still was far from excited to be leaving home so soon, but even he had to admit that knowing he had Menphina watching over his travels made him feel a little better about venturing into the wide unknown of Eorzea.

[rocksanddeadflowers]

OH OH OH okay I have a silly idea for this AU that I want to start by saying there's no need to impliment it into the actual canon of this AU unless everyone just really likes it, cause it was mostly a silly fun daydream idea I had while I was doing mindless work.

I watched Red Shoes and the Seven Dwarves a while ago out of curiosity (it was super cute and was on a free streaming platform somewhere? maybe Tubi). Thinking specifically about the "dwarves" curse- where they remained like, little green guys? The whole time except for when no one was looking at them (the root of the curse was another "judging looks by their cover" thing so that's why). So I thought it would be funny to impliment that onto the staff of the castle during the curse (idk about Jonny though, I feel like the curse effects him very differently compared to the staff since he's the target etc).

Cons: - might undermine the musical's thing I really like where characters lose themselves in being the object they're cursed as until they lose sentience and become only that object (that's a BIG con for me) - def could change a lot of details that would kinda be hard to remember when writing if that makes sense

Pros: - characters not being limited by their curse only when alone/not in view (being tall again and grabbing something, better at fighting/defense, maybe Lyf can control their magic only in original form, etc) - the comedic value (see above- trying to do something in one form and immedtly shifting into the other form unpromted and having to start over) - drama (can catch glimpses of themselves or others like a faint distant memeory or some shit) - specifically a scene where Marius passes out from sleep deprivation and Aurora catches him and notifies Lyf who comes to check on him but now that no one else is looking Lyf in full human-fae form gets to be near him in their original form eventually resolves to carrying Marius to bed and tucks him in and maybe gets stuck staying with him otherwise his sleep would be restless and useless so now Marius has vague dream like memories of human-fae Lyf and it only solidifies when he feels that form of Lyf snuggled in bed with him as he wakes up but when he actually looks at Lyf they're still a clock so he thinks he made it all up - sorry no more ideas still thinking about lyf and marius

So yeah this is silly and just for funsies :)

[fyeahnix]

Been thinking about Sevika a bit and I had some thoughts.... Vander included as well.

First off I'm leaving this untagged because I don't want the wrong people to get a hold of this but you can reblog if you want.

Second, to be clear, I have not seen/read/consumed any leaks about anything related to Arcane out of choice. I wanted to see this series unfold on release days and enjoy being unspoiled with most of the rest of the fandom. Nothing I say here regarding theories will have anything to do with leaks. If they do, I promise you it's coincidence or I'm just good at reading the tea leaves. That being said, please for my sake and the people reading this post, don't be an asshole and say anything related to any leaked content, vague mention or not. Actually if you read any leaks related to this, I'd really prefer if you kept any and all comments to yourself. This is primarily for folks like me who are just theorizing for fun until we get more officially released info.

Anyway let me start..

Life and Death

As I've said before, I am still fearing Sevika's death. That remains true even after Act 1 of the season has concluded. We know from the teasers and trailers that Sevika is getting a wardrobe update and a new look for Act 2 and beyond. But I still fear what will happen. I do think her situation can either go one of two ways:

Sevika Lives

I haven't had a chance to actually write this out in a fic yet but one of my headcanons for Sevika is that she'd heavily reconsider the real fight for Zaun if she met someone who she really and truly grew to care for and love. And not because she's flaky or Zaun doesn't matter. But because these life and death situations are incredibly more difficult when you have people in mind to protect. What happens if you die? Who will protect them when you're gone? Is it worth setting them up for heartache by putting yourselves in the line of fire? That's a lot to consider.

Season 1 showed us that Sevika thought Vander was weak for not taking the fight to Zaun a second time. But what she didn't understand was that he had loved ones to look after—kids. Would it be worth making them parentless a second time for Zaun's liberation? Who would look after them? That's a tough question to answer. And I think the rest of this season will build up to Sevika coming to the same realization that Vander and Silco did before her—is putting my home and life in danger worth risking losing my loved ones or my loved ones losing me?

I hate that now I just look like a damn copycat if this ends up coming to fruition but that's just the stress of being a slow ass writer. Oh well lol.

In any case, since it looks like Jinx is gonna be the real deal when it comes to taking the fight to Piltover, I'm willing to bet that Zaun will win their independence. It looks like they have it now in the current (now old) League lore so I don't think that outcome will change. If that wasn't the case, I'd say Sevika would probably give that fight up and live or straight up leave Zaun to go elsewhere.

Sevika Dies

I can see Sevika's death happen one of two ways:

1) Killed by Enforcers. This is obvious. Unfortunately it happens to a lot of Zaunites. I can see this happening to her either by getting caught somewhere unawares or protecting either Jinx and/or Isha.

2) Warwick*. This is...a tricky one. Most of us who know the absolute bare minimum of League lore know that Warwick is a genetically modified werewolf created by Singed but outside of that, I don't think we ever got his full identity (I know Riot has a short story for him but I haven't read it). It's pretty obvious by now that Vander is becoming Warwick. The big question is going to be what does that mean for the rest of the characters and Zaun? And how much of his memories will Warwick retain from being Vander?

If he does retain flashes of those memories, I can see him being pissed about what he may see as a betrayal and decide to kill Sevika for supporting Silco.....

More On Vander/Warwick

....HOWEVER....

I think it's also completely possible that Warwick retains some of his memories BUT encounters Sevika while she's with Jinx and Isha. And his memories of Jinx stop him from killing Sevika which would be VERY INTERESTING for two reasons. One, I think it would mean a lot to him to see his kid being protected and accepted by someone he felt betrayed him. That maybe he thought wrong of her because this kid he once knew as sweet and innocent likes her. And two, Jinx says to Smeech right before their fight that people close to her usually end up dead. Well what if Sevika ends up alive when confronting Warwick because she's around Jinx? That would be an interesting flip from last season and that statement overall.

Second point here. About Zaun's liberation, what if Warwick ends up being a key weapon to helping liberate them? The Chem Tanks attack on Piltover was devastating and if it wasn't for the Noxians, they would have caused quite a lot of destruction. Warwick's abilities are unknown right now and it doesn't even look like he's fully completed his transformation. The Enforcers hear about a giant ass wolf man monster roaming the streets of Zaun or too many die at his hands and are like "actually nvm they can fucking have their independence."

I'm almost sure the creators have said it's possible for more Arcane characters to become Legends in League so maybe Sevika could become one at some point? Idk

So yeah I am still bracing myself for the worst but ultimately just enjoying any screen time we get with her. According to the intro sequence, she ain't important enough to make a main character, so it's possible she's doomed OR she might be one of the characters who has their story expanded in a future League universe work when Arcane ends, which I'm almost sure will happen with Ambessa.