#I will go on a little break after June on a vacation sort off and start of some serious dancing and choreographing

[ramayantika]

–✦– 𝙂𝙤𝙙𝙙𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙚𝙨, 𝙍𝙞𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙠𝙖𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙒𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙣 –✦–

Reflection in the Mirror

Please note that this is only the end for the first part of the series. There are so many rishikas, apsaras, and divine women who have inspired me and been with me all this while, so they too deserve their own tales. But for now, I want to end these goddesses, rishikas and women series so that I can keep track and save them. To be honest, this started off purely out of spite when I saw comments and mean DMs to girls who were plainly stating their achievements regarding how they did it or when they were simply stating the obvious fact that a woman in India is looked upon as a form of the goddess.

These men (except some gems) were like you all are sluts who claim to be goddesses and the same women chi women tea and shit. This series was my reminder that no matter what the goddesses won't give a fuck about shit men like this, and certainly not their spouses. So here's an end tribute to these goddesses and rishikas with a light mention of the future stories I shall post soon because I do have an idea about what I want ;)

Usha Lakshmi Gargi Ratri Saraswati Rati Aditi

I stare hard at the mirror. If my brother saw the depth and sharpness of my gaze, he would start quivering. I am the soft elder sister of the family who loves kids, dances around the house, and speaks sweetly. But Maa Durga knows I carry Kali's fierceness in my heart. Maa Durga bestowed her strength in my bones. How else did he see my fight with that big bully for him?

The day I was born, my father got a promotion. Maa cheerfully tells me that I had blessed the home as my sakhi, the goddess of wealth and prosperity Lakshmi. When they think, she is the goddess of priceless treasure and money, I remind them that this wealth is also the food and good luck bestowed on me and on the house. I was named after prosperity and good luck, just like my goddess friend. My grandparents called me devi. I am still called devi during navaratri, and these men who have prayed to the goddess only for these selfish needs have the nerve to say that I do not carry the goddesses inside me?

I stare hard at the mirror. Lakshmi keeps her arm around my shoulder. Maa Durga stands just behind me and beside her is the fierce dark goddess Kali, who smiles benevolently.

With a wine coloured hue, I see the goddess of love, Rati enter the mirror, and tuck a loose strand behind my ear. She winks and waves her fingers at me, with a proud smile on my face as I wear a red lipstick again. I have known the lustful gaze of men over my form who think they could easily have me and bend me according to their whims and fantasies. They think they can shame me for my beauty and grace when my form has been blessed by the goddess herself.

And when you possess beauty, they think, the lovely maiden has no brain to go with. I see Rishika Gargi, Lopamudra, and Maitreyi enter the reflection, their faces shinning with the immense amount of penance for knowledge and wisdom. Someday, I aspire to reach an ounce of their knowledge. They look at the pearl bracelet on my wrist and look behind to welcome the goddess who narrated me the wisdom being pearls, Devi Saraswati. She pulls a string of her divine veena, and everybody bows down to her.

On a glorious chariot arrives the goddess who told me to keep my head held high, and emerge as strong as the sun, the one who reminded me that after the darkest of nights come the brightest of days, Devi Usha. She pats my head, and tells me that she is proud of me. She has seen me grow into a woman who is still far from perfect, still committing silly mistakes, but a woman in learning -- a woman who keeps desiring to refine herself who understood that mistakes, despair and failures help you grow.

Following her sister's trail comes the silent witness to my journey, the goddess who showed me the hidden magic of the night and provided me the comfort of the moon and the stars on days that were too difficult to pass by. She is Devi Ratri. She still wears the dress woven of stars and celestial elements making her the sparkling queen of the night. She looks back at me from the mirror, her gaze proud and strong, and if I am not wrong, a sisterly gaze in them.

Draupadi enters the room and playfully opens my hair. She has brought a bunch of jasmine flowers and weaves them through my hair. Her laughs sounds music to my ears. If I haven't told you all then listen now. The first tale, I heard in my childhood was the story of the queen of Indraprastha. The divine dark beauty, the cherished wife of the Pandavas was the one whom I carried in my heart for long to remind myself that if a queen could overcome tremendous difficulties and pains in life, I could do too. You can do it too.

A beautiful flute music makes all our heads turn at the teenaged girl. Donning pink and red robes with flower jewellery adorning her form, I see Radha smiling and waving at the goddesses and rishikas in the mirror. She pats my cheek and beams at me. She was the forgotten friend, but god, she never forgot me. She is the shining beacon of true friendship and unconditional love.

As a child, I got lost in a forest. My family grew petrified. A young child getting lost in the forest. What if someone took her away? They forgot that Aranyani, the lost goddess now exists in the lush green hilly forests. She nurtures the animals, be it prey or predator. She nurtures the wild shrubs and fruit giving trees. She keeps medicinal plants in the heart of the forest, so any poisoned or injured child of hers could be saved in the deep forest.

How can I forget the apsaras, divine celestial woman who have been misjudged so much? Apsaras were the beautiful ladies who came alive through my comic books into my dance classes. They taught me how to dance your heart out. They taught me how to move agile as a deer; how to have a sharp gaze to disarm the audience; how to dance like the gods; how to dance until nothing remains but dance. Menaka, Urvashi and Rambha, the main trio very popularly known in folk tales and dancing texts have danced with me. They still do. I carry their grace in my movements as I practice for hours. I know the beauty I carry in sweaty flushed faces and tired limbs, while embodying the fiery passion for a beautiful artform. Alas, how could you ever understand them or even my heart, and my practice? Here they are stretching again for another evening to practice with me and teach me their skills.

Sita, the woman who needs no introduction whose mere mention leads to pride soaring in the hearts of us womenfolk. She garlands me with fresh sweet-smelling flowers around my neck. Her serene face fills me with silent strength and support that sometimes you don't have to fight your battles out loud. Strength doesn't have to be physical. Sometimes she sits beside me in her forest robes to tell me about cute birds and their language. And for moments where I need to learn how to battle on the front without weapons, she comes in dressed as a queen fit for the throne, born with resilience just like Bhu Devi, and imparts the lesson to me.

With battles, I remember the warrior queen of Dwarka, Murari's Bhama. She walks in holding her bow, looking as regal like the queen she is. I remember her first appearance in a dream to know her, to write about her. She was a queen who sang to me about the lost kingdom of Dwaraka, whose glories are still sung, but now lie submerged under deep waters of the sea. She emerged from the lost kingdom and told me her story. Once again misjudged like several other women for not being docile and submissive, but being aware of her own sense of self and pride which got translated to arrogance by many. Satyabhama stands in the mirror, beside me, holding fire in her gaze and steady fingers on the bow she proudly owns.

Countless of other deities, and divine women and scholars join me in front of the mirror. Their faces glow with strength, power and centuries of wisdom. This is enough proof to know that each of them reside in every body, but for us women, we have a more intimate connection with out sister and motherly goddesses. Menfolk can call us prideful and arrogant, but these goddesses and divinities never have kept us below them. We stand with them as equals, as warriors, lovers, teachers, mothers and nurturers. This eternal bond of womanhood connects us alike. It's a pity to make some of these men understand.

Lastly, they merge into one, and I see myself as the only girl standing in front of the mirror.

*＊✿❀　❀✿＊**＊✿❀　❀✿＊**＊✿❀　❀✿＊*

Thank you for reading this till the end. It's not really an end because we still have too many tales to share. I am really glad that some of these stories resonated with you and you found solace in them. It's not me it's the goddesses work. Anyway hope you all have a blessed day! Love you ❤

[darkcavewriting]

Chelan Summer

Portland, Oregon, my hometown by birth but at present not my current home. Stuck I am in Spokane, Washington, not the worst place to be stuck by any stretch of imagination, but a far cry from Portland.  It wasn’t so much that I was stuck here, it was just for the summer break from Eastern Washington University.  Nothing like spending the summer sleeping on a friends couch while trying to find something at least partially resembling a part time job.  If anything it sure as hell beat hanging around Cheney for the summer, anything was better than that.

After two weeks sleeping on my friend Mike’s couch and doing little more than chain drinking Rainier beer I knew I needed a change, this is not at all what I had in mind for my summer vacation.  It was the middle of my third week  off from classes that the phone call came in from my friend Marie who was spending her summer as she always did, working at her families diner in Chelan.  I hadn’t been to Chelan since I was a wee lad, and the only thing I remembered was staying in a tiny cabin with my parents.  It was one of the few vacations I could think back at with fond memories and now with the passing of my parents that made me feel far more sad than I would have liked to admit.

Marie was calling wondering if I would at all be interested in coming out to Chelan for a portion of the summer to both do a little work at the diner, what with her brother being off doing basic training for the National Guard, but also if anything to not be spending the whole summer stuck in Spokane.  I didn’t mind Spokane anywhere near as much as she did, but still, spending a good deal of the summer hanging out at Lake Chelan sure sounded better than than being bored.  I packed my clothing , laptop and a decent selection of books into the trunk of my 1963 Ford Falcon and headed West, escape from the horrific heat that was already setting in on Spokane was a welcome change, it was already pushing 100 and it was only the second week of June.  I was not used to this sort of heat, mild Portland summers had spoiled me as a kid and this was going to take some serious getting used to.  I knew Chelan wasn’t going to be cold by any stretch of the imagination but it was not going to be anywhere near as warm as Spokane and that was all I was asking for.  The Falcon had a decent speed and traffic was light.  Well it was a Tuesday I figured I would stop for lunch in Moses Lake and make it into Chelan by late afternoon, by then it would give Marie time to figure out exactly what I would be doing at the diner, but also to figure out if the little guest cabin she said I could stay in was in any condition for me to actually stay in tonight.  To say I was getting tired of sleeping on couches would be an understatement to say the least.  I was longing for sleeping on a dorm bed and those things were god awful.  The Falcon was my second car in less than a year.  It was a replacement for the Plymouth Arrow that met an untimely demise after it was t-boned by a Ford Explorer in the first ice storm of the season.  The minimum amount of insurance money didn’t afford me enough to get anything terribly fancy but the Falcon made due.  I always did like vintage cars from a young age.  Something about cars actually having some personality unlike the bulk of cars produced since the late 1970’s.

Lunch in Moses Lake was decent, nothing special, just a burger and fries from a little cafe out by the airport.  It had been ages since I had last been though Moses Lake, probably at least 10 years, and seeing as how I was only 19, for me that was quite a while.  I really didn’t remember much about my last visit other than it was rather warm as my parents and I were coming back from Banff, Alberta, Canada, via Spokane.  I hadn’t been back to Alberta since then either, which made me sad.  The Canadian Rockies had to be one of the most beautiful places I had ever been.  I was hoping on making it up this summer but with the lack of cash flow in my life, I had ruled it out.  Now with some money coming in the door, a late summer trip could easily be in the works I felt.  

I didn’t know how much money I would actually have before classes started back up, but if there was somehow enough to make a short trip to the Rockies I felt it would be worth it.  Dealing with only my own thoughts for a few days would be worth it I felt.  I really hadn’t had a chance to spend any time on my own since my parents passed right before classes started.  It was nice however to have the people around in the dorm that wanted to make sure I was alright and that I had someone around if and or when I ever needed to talk about anything which was very much appreciated,  sometimes though I really just wanted some time on my own and I really hoped that here in Chelan I just might finally be able to find some time on my own.

I pulled into Chelan a bit after 4:00 p.m. which was right around when I thought I would.  The skies were blue and there was enough of a breeze that even with the temperature hanging in the 80’s it was not bad out at all.  I made it to the diner, Lakeside Pies, it was quite busy, the parking lot as well as the street out front was packed with cars and a small like of folks out the front door.  At least the place was busy and popular I thought to myself.  Nothing worse I felt than working someplace that was never busy.

I made my way through the group of people at the front door and started looking for Marie.  I knew she had to be around somewhere.  I saw her a couple minutes later coming out of the kitchen with a tray piled high with plates.  In Cheney she had worked at Watermans, the bar and grill across from campus, which is where I first met her.  Later on I ended up having a class with her and ended up getting to know her far better than I did from just having out far too much at Watermans.  I wasn’t expecting her to offer me to come out to Chelan, but now that I was here I could see why, the place was packed and they needed the staff.  Not that I had any experience at all in food service but now was as good of a time as any to learn and she knew I was a reliable person from the multiple group projects we had needed to complete in our class together.  

Once she finished running the mountain of food to the table she came over and gave me a massive bear hug, which was not at all what I was expecting.  She had never been much for hugging and such, well at least not that I had noticed.  I wasn’t about to complain though.  Marie was older than me, not by much though, a couple of years or so perhaps, not that it mattered all that much, just something that popped into my head.  I had never thought about her in any sort of romantic way, never had any reason to  in my mind.  I had always presumed that she was romantically tied up with James who was the late night bartender at Watermans.  I knew now wasn’t the best time to sort things out my employment because it was so busy, but I felt I should do something  to help during the rush.  Marie insisted though for me not to worry and gave me the key for the cabin that would be my home for the enxt couple months.  I headed down the road back from the lake to find the cabin.  It was nothing special to say the least, a one room box with a tiny loft in the back with an old mattress.  Nothing special by any stretch, but I was clearly liking the solitude that was soon to be in my future.  I headed out to my car to unload my very limited amount of belongings, tossed the clothes in the tiny closet and the books on the built in shelf next to the fridge.  The fridge wasn’t on.  I had to search for the breaker box and finally found it, of all places, in the bathroom, and finally got power up and going to the whole cabin.  It wasn’t the best lit place in the world but  I was sure I could manage to make due with it at least for the summer.  I was however worried that it would get warmer than I wanted in July.  I knew I was going to have to invest in at least one fan in order to make sure I didn’t roast to death.  By the time I was unpacked and had the fridge at a decent temperature and ran to the store to get a few things, namely coffee, it was close to 11:00 p.m. and there was a knock at the cabin door.  I walked over and opened it up and there was Marie with a to-go box and a case of Rainier beer.  She came over and had a seat on the couch and handed me a beer, of course after she already opened one for herself.

She apologized for the state of the place, the idea for me to come out and stay there was just hatched this morning, not really allotting much time to prep the cabin for any sort of long term lodging.  She went outside, beer in hand to make sure that the water had been turned on at a decent enough pressure that I would be able to take a shower with enough pressure to actually get clean.  She headed over to the built in dining table and bench and took the seat off and pulled out a typewriter and some dishes and the like.  I had always enjoyed working on a typewriter.  There was just something soothing about the gattling gun sound made by the keys striking the paper.  No chance for going back and editing, just one idea after another hitting the page.  I loved to write, I was going to school to be involved in journalism, after this last school year though I really had no idea what I wanted to do with my life.  The shock of my parents dying after hitting a moose with their car a day after dropping me off at Eastern Washington put me in a daze, a state of shock.  It was a blessing that I was essentially able to take my first semester off in order to try my best to cope with the whole situation, but not having any real time by myself made that rather difficult to say the least.  I did feel lucky to be able to make some very good friends  that went out of their way to make sure that I was alright though the whole situation perhaps now I would have a chance, even though it was almost nine months ago since it all happened.  It is important to grieve and better late than never I guess.

Marie asked me how I was feeling about the whole sudden relocation to Chelan.  Clearly it was a surprise and not at all something I was planning going into the summer but I was indeed quite pleased to be here and actually be working.  As well it was time away from Cheney and Eastern.

Marie agreed that I needed some real time away from both Eastern but also from the large amount of people that I had come to know there.  Not that they were bad people or anything along those lines, more that they were people I was just thrown into a social circle of sorts with, almost like a support group of sorts after the incident with my parents.  Ideal it was not, at all.  I felt that I knew the people, well at least I kind of knew them.  I really didn’t know if I could actually trust or count on any of them besides a couple who I had actually had a couple of classes with.  Generally the people in the dorms left a lot to be desired.  Thank god I had a single room for the whole year, made things a whole lot easier for me.  Was able to have time on my own if I felt I needed it.

There was something magic about Chelan, or at least I felt that there was.  I loved the lake, the peace and quiet.  I was finally able to be alone with my thoughts, and that was something I desperately needed and had wanted for months.  The cabin was a step up from my dorm room, but that wasn’t really saying too much.  The dorm left a great deal to be desired.  It was a bit drafty in the cabin even for it being summer.  I had a feeling it was not going to exactly be the warmest of nights.  I searched the couple of small closets in the cabin in hopes that I would find a extra blanket or something.  I remembered I had my emergency sleeping bag that I always kept in the trunk of my car which I could always use if I really needed to.  I felt there had to be some sort of extra bedding somewhere in the cabin though, or that Marie would have some in the main house.  I made a note to ask her about that when she came back.  She stepped out a few minutes earlier saying she was going to figure out what happened to all of the plates and other dishes that were supposed to be in the cabin’s kitchen.  

I was still trying to get a grasp on what all was going on.  I still felt like a complete and total wreck, I truthfully had no idea how all how to react to the death of my parents, even eight months later  I still felt like I had no idea how to judge or process the while series of events.  Their death hit me, obviously, even though I was not exactly the closest with them, or had the best relationship with them.  That made my reaction their death hard to read from an outsiders point of view.  As parents it was not as though they were bad, more that they were rather absorbed in their own lives and I was so often on my own or in the company of other family members.  I never really felt all that close to them.  I however did not know exactly how much of it I could honestly blame on them, after my father lost his job with the merger mania of banks in the early 1990’s he went back to do what he always wanted to do, teach, and got a position teaching accounting at the school of business at Lewis and Clark College in Portland and within a couple of years had been named chair of the department.  My mother worked as a nurse at Oregon Health Sciences University.  Often with off the wall schedules and being perpetually on call, it was not unheard of for me to only see my parents for any real length of time on the weekends, and even then my mother would have to dart off to the hospital more often than she ever would have liked.

My going off to Eastern however had prompted the both of them to look into retirement.  They weren’t terribly old, both in their late 50’s but financially they were well enough off that they could at least consider the prospects of an early retirement.  For my father it was much easier to scale back the work flow.  He scheduled himself to only teach two senior level classes at Lewis and Clark, and he was no longer the department chair, having served two consecutive three year terms.  This course load allowed him to only be on campus two days a week, save the occasional department meeting or an office hours appointment with a student.  He was embracing his newfound free time and began to start running again which was something he had not seriously done since his college days at the University of Washington.  For my mother however it was not as easy.  She loved her job, always had, she loved caring for people, it was her nature, it was her mother’s nature as well, she wouldn’t admit it but that is why she wen into nursing in the first place.

She managed to use a good stock of her accumulated vacation time to coincide with helping me move to Cheney and it still bring summer break for my father, to see see if she was really ready for retirement.  Financially they were a-ok.  Owned two houses, one in Portland and another on the Oregon Coast in Yachats.  The beach house was used in the summer primarily, at one point my father headed out there for two months to work on a research article with relative peace and quiet, it ended up getting published in some prestigious journal and helped his career dramatically.  I hadn’t been to the beach house in at least a couple years.  I knew my parents had let my aunt and uncle borrow it for a good length of time the prior summer.  They had both already retired, well, more my uncle retired as he had worked for Burlington Northern for a considerable time, nearly 35 years, he was on the receiving end of a healthy retirement package even after their merger with Santa Fe.  

Everything my parents owned had been left to me, in a trust that I wouldn’t have access to until I hit the age of 35.  I didn’t have an issue with that in the least.  Finances were to be made available to pay for my education and housing and I would be allowed to either live in or rent out my parents former home in Portland, but I would not have the ability to sell the home until I was 35.  It seemed like that was a condition put in to make sure I didn’t do anything stupid with the money at a young age.  I was only 19 after all.  Not that I Was noted for doing anything too stupid mind you, but it prevented me from making any spur of the moment decisions to sell, and also would reduce pressure from others in the family or elsewhere to try and sell the homes as well.  I had no idea what to do about the house at the coast.

I was also given a small monthly stipend for expenses, it was not a large sum by any stretch of the imagination but it was enough to keep me from really worrying about having to find some low level crappy job to make ends meet while I went to school.  I was grateful for that.  I was able to focus full time on school, although for my first semester it was mainly me focusing on not losing my damned mind, which proved to be far more difficult than I had ever imagined.  Even though I was not exactly all that close with my parents, it still ht me, and hit me hard, far harder than I had honestly expected when I first got the news.  I felt incredibly lucky that I had family in the area, just outside of Spokane, which I became closer with almost overnight.  The situation there was a bit odd, and a little stressful, but we all made it work.  

Getting out for the summer however I hoped would prove to be a good decision, if anything I felt it really couldn’t make things any worse.  Marie came back into the cabin with a large box in her arms.  Inside was a ton of stuff that I hoped would prove to be some used to me.  A French press, dishes and coffee mugs, as well as a blanket and a new pillow.  I was happy to see all of the things, as well as the can of coffee that was hiding under the blanket.  The thought of having to function in the mornings without coffee was not a happy prospect.  I had learned to love the stuff over the last year, even though I couldn’t stand it in the least earlier in my life.  Getting used to using a French press instead of a normal drip coffee maker was going to take some time though I thought.

Marie looked exhausted, it was close to 11:30 p.m. and her day began at 6:20 a.m. when she arrived at work to begin baking bread and biscuits for the day.  She asked if there was anything else I could think of that I might need.  I told her that I couldn’t think of anything else that I needed, well at least not tonight.  I asked her what time she wanted me to show up to work in the morning.  She said she really wasn’t all that sure.  The cafe opened at 7:30 a.m. so she figured I should at least show up by 7:15 a.m. I told her I would set the alarm clock on the kitchen counter.  With it being far enough from the bed, located in the loft it would force me to get out of bed to shut the damned thing off.  Marie said she was going to head to the house to get some sleep, and that if I determined that I needed anything that I should let her know in the morning.  I told her I would as she headed out the door.  I knew I needed to get some sleep too, it had been a long day, and tomorrow was going to be just as long, if not longer, but I really didn’t feel all that tired.  I grabbed an old paperback off the shelf by the door, “Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy” and headed up to the bed with it in hand.  The wind was whipping through the trees that surrounded the cabin, not something I was used to, and of course I didn’t have a fan or anything around to help drown out the sounds.  The only radio had dead batteries.  I had a sinking feeling I was going to have a rough time getting to sleep.  Thankfully that ended up not being the case.I awoke with a jolt, the alarm was going off.  The bedside light was still on, the book next to me, I had no idea where I was.  This wasn’t the first time I had woken up somewhere in a panic with no clue as to where I was or how I got there, and I was sure it wouldn’t be the last either. Still it was not the ideal way to start ones morning.

I finally managed to remember where I was and that I was going to need to hurry and take a shower and get ready to go into my first day of work at the cafe, I had no idea what I was getting myself into.  I was hoping for it to be peaceful at Chelan, I should have known better.  Calm summers in Chelan were ancient history, it was a vacation spot through and through and had been for years.  Winters were the only calm time, and from what I had heard from Marie, they were almost too calm.  A summer someplace that was lively and active was going to be a far cry from what I would have been in store for if I stayed in Cheney.  For being a college town, it nearly rolled up the sidewalks in the summer.  The summer class offerings were minimal at best and mostly all of the student population headed home, or to Spokane for the summer where there were actually jobs to be had.  Not that Cheney was a ghost town mind you, but unless you worked at the University or at one of the few small businesses , in the summer there was next to nothing to do, save get drunk all the time, which most did year round anyways.

I took a quick shower partially out of necessity, but also because there only seemed to be about five minutes of hot water.  That was not ideal, I needed to ask Mary about that.  Not knowing what to wear for work, better yet not even knowing what I would be doing when I got there, I figured jeans and a Eastern Washington t-shirt would be ok, as the dress seemed to be rather casual when I showed up last night.  I made sure I had the keys to the cabin and headed out the door on foot to Lakeside Pies.  Marie was already there when I arrived, we appeared to be the only ones however.  I really hoped I wasn’t going to be in the kitchen, my cooking skills left a lot to be desired, especially if it comes to cooking things quickly.  I was hoping that there was already some coffee made.  I hadn’t though to make any before my shower and I desperately needed a cup.  If anything not just to wake up but also to warm my hands, it wasn’t particularly warm outside, hovering in the 40’s, a wee bit cooler than I was used to in Spokane to say the least.  Marie told me there was indeed coffee, but I had to make it.  I set up the brewers to make four large air pots of coffee in preparation for opening.  I had a feeling that between the two of us we would be able to put at least one out of its misery on our own.  Moments after I started the coffee, in walked Keith, one of the cooks.  He was also one of the few who was born and raised there in Chelan.  He was an older gentleman, I was guessing at first look that he might be in his early 60’s I was shocked to find out later that he was 77 and came back to Chelan to work here after nearly 20 years working in various diners in Seattle.  You could tell by looking at him that he enjoyed working in a kitchen.  Several minutes later the kitchen started filling with people coming in through the back door.  Marie and I went from being the only people in the place to only a small fraction of the staff.  There were nearly a dozen people in the kitchen, one whole section was set up specifically for baking the house specialty, pies.  The last 45 minutes before opening was hectic, especially for me since I had no idea what I was actually supposed to be doing.  Marie finally told me what I was going to be doing, and I was relived I wouldn’t be working in the kitchen,

I was relegated to serving, bussing tables and seating people.  The trifecta of things I hoped I wouldn’t fuck up too bad.  My biggest worry had to be dropping food on the way to the tables.  Graceful I was not.  I downed another cup of coffee before making my way over to the cash register, which looked to be at least 50 years old, to see if I could figure out how to use it.  All in all I was thankful that it was an older register it made it far easier to use as far as I was concerned, no worries about some software having issues.  As long as I could read everyones handwriting I would be golden.  I knew my handwriting was far from the best but I would have to make it look a bit more readable.  I felt lucky that the menu was rather limited in its offerings.  Far less for me to need to try and memorize.  

We could see people starting to arrive in the parking lot in advance of the doors opening.  Not what I was expecting for the middle of the week, but then it was Chelan, nothing had to make sense in a vacation town like this.  People were either coming in before they had to go to work, or people out here on vacation.  Working here was a far cry from what I was hoping I would be doing over the summer.  My plan during the spring was going to include a summer trip on Amtrak to Chicago and Milwaukee.  That obviously didn’t end up happening.  

[missaureus]

It All Started with a Friend-for-Sale Post

Samuka. That was our very first response.

24th of June 2022. I was down to the last week of my Community Medicine Rotation in internship. Being tagged as the least toxic department, I had the confidence to finally book a ticket for a short weekend vacation with my girlfriends. I purchased that plane ticket months ago with the thought that I may not be able to ride it in case a change of schedule that would suddenly pop out of nowhere!

A week prior, a notice was given to our group, a schedule to have our graduation photos taken which on the day of my flight! It was a blessing in disguise since we were excused from our duty post the entire day and the photo shoot only lasted less than hour. Having all the glam that day, I asked one of my groupmates, Aike, to take a portrait of me because it was a rare occasion for us to dress up. I felt human. She then said, "Hala, Brey! Gwapa kaayo ka, ibaligya tika!". Then, Franz, also a groupmate seconded, " Doc, naa ra ba koy friend". I just shrugged off their silly banters and hurriedly went home to prepare for my flight later that day.

I decided to go to the airport a little earlier, which is an hour drive away, to cram up a 50-item online exam at 7 PM. I seriously had to pick my struggle but for sure, it would break me if I miss my first vacation after the pandemic hit.

Before hitting the gas, I was notified on Instagram that Aike tagged me on a friend-for-sale post. I was laughing so hard, this girl really did?! HAHAHA. While driving to the airport, I received a veryyyy long message from my sister. It dawned on me how making her some lunch before leaving to the airport as a peace offering did not make any difference. We had a fight earlier that day because I got irritated while she did my make up. We were running late for my schedule and I hastily demanded for her to finish it already. She did me a favor and I appeared so ungrateful. Seconds after, my mom also texted me on how I unappreciative I was to my sister. I was already making a draft of apology in my head.

So much was going on in my head at that time. Not to mention I had a hard time looking for a free parking slot to leave my car for 3 days. When I did, I paused and enjoyed the gorgeous orange. I realized, I had never properly breathe the last three years. I was missing so much due to medical school and it is a norm to miss out family events, milestones, vacations, etc.

I checked in and looked for an empty seat in the airport. I was aimlessly scrolling through my virtual notes when Aike chatted in our group chat, “Besh, willing ra ba ka mag LDR? Naa natay buyer!” I just laughed with the idea. She bombarded me with some forwarded photos and even sent the guy’s educational background!!! I just joked around to screen the guy before I check on him. We were just exchanging HAHAHAs in our group chat without even realizing that it was already past 7 PM and still no hint of our scheduled exam. My flight number was announced for boarding so I asked my friends some favor to answer my exam for me, which was luckily postponed later on.

And the moment I reached my friend’s condo, Niña greeted me with, “Naa biya nichat nako. Ibaligya daw nako siya sa imo.” What??? I was shocked! That very same guy. He sold himself hard, too. He added me on Facebook and started chatting casually. He asked me if I was able to attend their school activities back in college. It only happened once! Surprisingly, I recalled him on that day. He went on stage after being called for some sort of an opening remarks. What was even more shocking, he remembered me, too! That was 6 years ago.

We were just intermittently chatting. It was like a long-sought peace was experience for 3 days. When I had to get back to my hospital duties, I was reset like a robot. All the same but I brought along that friend whom I met virtually in Tagaytay. Funnily, I cannot help to associate him with that vacation.

[skzfairies]

suprise comfort

warnings: homophobia, mentions of divorce, fighting parents, unaccepting parents, disappointed parents, mentions of being homesick, mentions of missing family

time: june 2019

pairing: yuri + yeosang

summary: when yuri is upset late at night, someone comes to comfort her, and it’s not who she expected.

the room was dark, the only light was from the little night lamp by their desk, and the dim lighting of yuri's phone. she was scrolling through tik tok, unable to sleep, unlike her snoring roommates below her.

she saw all sorts of tik toks, funny ones, boring ones, cringey, and sometimes, she would even see a fancam of a kpop idol with text over it. they were normally always about fan wars though.

but one of the tik toks she found, it made her stop. she could feel her breath hitch at this one, and she felt her heartstrings be pulled.

it wasn't the creators fault, and she would never blame them for bringing this sudden wave of sadness over her, she was happy for them, and glad they were able to share their happy memory with her.

but yuri couldn't help the intrusive thoughts came after the wave of happiness was over.

the tik tok was a video of the creator coming out to their parents, and they were really supportive. yuri was so happy for them, and she was glad that people could have supportive parents and face less hardships for something they can't control.

yuri kept on thinking about when her parents found out about her being lesbian, the disappointed face they wore was something that was still painful for yuri to remember even after all these years.

she could hear the words that she often replayed coming to her head, and the pounding of her heart rose. she could feel tears running down her cheeks, coming faster and faster and more memories came back to her.

she let out a hic up, the sound seeming very loud to the quiet room. she held her breath for awhile, hoping neither hongjoong or seonghwa heard it. after a few minutes past, and it was confirmed that neither of the boys woke up, yuri slightly made her way down the ladder, and tip toed her way to the bathroom.

she knew no one would be up at this hour, so she was able to cry freely in the bathroom herself.

she shut the door to the bathroom, and plopped herself down on top of the rug, harshly pulling on her hair.

she wanted supportive parents so bad, she wished she was straight, because that's the only way her parents would naturally support it.

her parents were over the arguing now, but they barely talked about it, never confirming if they truly supported it or not.

she wanted parents who she could gush to about a girl or bring one home to them without awkward conversations. she wished she could be herself around them, without masking one of the biggest things about her.

tears were now clouding her vison, and she could feel snot rolling down her nose.

she quickly got up and grabbed the toilet paper, blowing her down and wiping off the tears on her face, and returning to her spot on the rug.

she just wanted to cry, she wanted to throw something, give a piece of her mind, she felt like she was going crazy. she let out a slightly loud sob, covering her mouth and sobbing into it, wishing that this pain would just go away.

she missed her family so much, even though they caused her so much pain. she remembered the family vacations, the jokes, the late nights. she remembered the fights, the arguments, the tears. her family wasn't ideal, and no matter how many times she wished that they would just get a divorce, she still missed them. she wished she could just break off all ties with them and just never speak to them again because all of the emotional pain they have caused her, but it's easier said than done. the guilt always eated her alive, even when she tried to convince herself that it wasn't her fault they were like this, she always did feel like it was all her fault.

she couldn't stop the tears and the sobs that were falling now, no matter how hard she covered her mouth, or how many times she brushed the tears off her face. she could feel her body shaking, her head pound, and her heart ache.

she didn't even notice the door opening, she was too focused on calming her breathing, and trying not to scream her lungs out.

she didn't notice someone even entered the bathroom until she felt arms wrap around her, causing her to jump and try and hurriedly wipe off her tears and stand up. this didn't work, the arms help her down and softly grabbed her hands.

"stop doing that, you'll irratate your eyes."

yeosang, yuri could notice his deep voice from anywhere, but she was suprised that he was even hugging her in this moment, normally they never did any skinship.

"yeosang, what are you doing?" yuri whispered, barely able to speak in a normal voice, and her voice slightly cracking even at a whisper.

yeosang softly pulled her into his lap, leaning against the wall and brushing her hair out of her face, seeing how red her eyes and nose were, and her puffy cheeks broke his heart. he hated seeing her like this so much.

"i thought you could use a hug." yeosang softly chuckled, hoping to bring the mood up some, but it failed. yuri rested her head against his shoulder and sighed, feeling too emotionally drained to even say anything or look at him.

"could you tell me what's wrong? i'm sure it will help."

yuri could feel the genuine concern in his voice, but she needed a break, she felt like she was crying for hours, and she couldn't even find her voice in her throat, so she only shook her head against yeosang's neck. yeosang sighed, softly brushing the hair out of her face. he really wanted her to talk, he never seen her this upset before. but he knew it would only make her upset more if he tried to force her into opening up.

"okay, maybe later. do you want to move somewhere more comfortable?" yeosang gently whispered, softly patting onto yuri's arm.

yeosang heard her hum, so he slowly unwrapped his arms around her, and helped her up, standing up behind her.

he grabbed onto her hand softly, making yuri softly tense before relaxing, and walked her into the living room.

yuri never saw yeosang this soft and affectionate to her, and she appreciated it. she felt safe and comfortable around him, although still greatly bothered and upset.

yeosang sat down on the couch and pulled her down into his lap once more, and yuri returned to her position with her head on his shoulders.

they sat there for awhile, yeosang occasionally brushing his hands through yuri's hair, while she stared off into the distance, still thinking about the memories of her parents outing her and being rude to her.

yeosang didn't want her to shut down completely, so he softly called her name until she looked up at him, and sat up.

"now could you tell me what's wrong? i understand if you don't want to talk about it, but i've never seen you this upset, mimi. you don't have to go through this alone." yeosang whispered, searching yuri's face for any discomfort, or any tears.

she looked conflicted, like she was deciding if she wanted to talking about it or not, so yeosang added,

"i won't tell anyone about this, i promise. it's just between you and me." yeosang held out a pinky, and smiled up at yuri, causing a smile from yuri, and she linked her pinkie with him.

this is a step, yeosang thought, and sat back, waiting to see if yuri continued.

he heard her barely audible voice, and it sounded dry and weak, and yeosang never wanted to protect anyone more than ever.

"it's about my parents."

"do you miss them?" yeosang gently responded, knowing that she hasn't been able to see them in a very long time, and had to stay at the dorms while the others returned home for a week by herself. he would feel terribly homesick, too.

"yes and no." yuri sighed, dragging her hands across her face and shaking her head. yeosang could feel the stress radiating off of her, and began rubbing her back, hoping to ease some of the tension.

yuqi was quiet for a little bit, and yeosang waited for her to continue, slightly confused about her response.

"they, well, how do i say this. they had many flaws. many hurtful flaws. does that make sense?" yuri questioned, looking at yeosang and continuing when she saw him nod.

"my parents fought often, and most parents do that, but it was a lot, and it was almost an everyday thing. they could barely be around each other without arguing. i really wanted them to get a divorce, but we couldn't. i was thinking about that, and some other things too." yuri mumbled leaning back against yeosang, humming when he brushed his hands through her hair.

"i'm sorry yuri, that sounds very hard. you said there were other things too? do you want to talk about those?" yeosang said after awhile, he couldn't imagine the emotional stress she had to go through growing up, and wished he could solve all of these problems for her, but he knew he really couldn't.

"yeah...this is the hardest thing to talk about. um....well my parents weren't always accepting, of well, me. they were only accepting of the version that they wanted to see, you know?" yeosang nodded, understanding that feeling. it was hard and not easy to deal with.

"it wasn't about school or my dream or anything, they were proud of me for that. so incredibly proud. they weren't proud of, who i liked." yuri said fastly, holding her breath, waiting for yeosang's response. yeosang could feel her tense up, and mumbled to her that it was okay, and that he's proud of her for talking to him. yuri calmed down, seeing yeosang did not have a problem with it at all.

"i don't understand why they didn't accept it. it wasn't like i was having crushes on bad people, it was literally just girls. i don't understand why that was such a big deal." yuri huffed, feeling the anger rise into her, but quickly fall with sadness.

"i don't understand why either yu, but i'll always support you, and so will the boys, and atiny. there's nothing wrong with you, i promise. and who cares what other people think about who you like? i know it's harder when it's your parents, but it's their lose, they are being foolish for not accepting you. i'm sorry you have to go through this, mimi. i'll love you no matter what." yeosang spoke, brushing yuri's hair with his fingers again, and yuri was sure it was extremely oily by now.

yuri felt a lot better now, and appreciated. she knew that her boys would always have her back, and that they would support her no matter what. they were her family, and she was their's. nothing could pull them apart.

"thanks yeosang, i love you." yuri smiled, hugging onto yeosang and kissing his cheek. she felt so loved, and so appreciated.

she smiled into yeosang's chest and softly fell asleep, dreaming of her real family, that was ateez.

[criticallyacclaimedstranger]

Ficlet: Lunch

Spent part of my workday writing this absolutely disgustingly fluffy piece for MY OWN ENJOYMENT and I regret nothing.

Frankie x you

Rated F for FLUFF

Warnings include cavity-inducing fluff, self-indulgence, and also reader doesn't like public displays for affection

Summary: Frankie brings you lunch to work and eats with you. That's it that's the plot.

A/N: Thanks to @missredherring for the idea! A consensual MWAH to you!

It's 11 am and you lock your computer, grab your phone and keys, and hurry out of your office before anyone can catch you. Frankie's already waiting by the main door, a takeout bag in hand. He's in full vacation mode already: a Hawaiian shirt that show a little more skin than you yourself would be comfortable with, cargo shorts, sandals, his customary baseball cap, and Ray-Bans.

"Hey," you smile at him as you join him and immediately beckon him to start walking with you towards the park next to the building where you work. You can plainly see from his body language that he wants to give you a hug and a kiss, but he checks himself, knowing you don't like that sort of thing in public.

"Hey," he replies instead, a warm smile crinkling his eyes. "Hungry?"

"Famished," you acknowledge. "Did you go to - "

" - that café you like that's on the other side of town instead of the chain that's just next door?" Frankie grins. "Yes, I did."

"Appreciate it."

"Their sandwiches are the best, and cheaper."

"That's why I want you to go there."

The park overlooks the bay from where a fresh, salty wind blows, giving comfort in this warm, sunny day. You quickly find a bench in the shade of a tree so your sun-sensitive skin is out of harm's way, and you kick off your shoes so that you can sit cross-legged and face Frankie. He places the bag between the two of you and starts to unload the goodies: sandwiches, smoothies, water bottles, and salt caramel brownies.

"I took the liberty of getting us dessert as well," he points to the brownies.

"Those are sinfully good," you sigh happily, already unwrapping your focaccia with goat's cheese. As you take the first heavenly bite, a cool sea breeze brings with it the sound of seagulls calling, and you close your eyes. This is one of the perks of your workplace: the proximity to a really nice little park, and the sea. Not much use for it in the winter, of course, but a very nice setting for lunches and, when the job allows for it, long coffee breaks in the summertime.

"You look nice," Frankie comments. "Happy. Tired, but happy."

"I am kinda happy right now, in this moment," you admit, opening your eyes again to find him looking tenderly at you. "Only three days left until vacation after today, it's not too hot, I'm having a delicious lunch with you..."

"I was waiting for you to mention me," he teases you. "Glad I made it to the very end of the list."

"It was a close call between you and the brownie."

"Meanie."

You bicker lovingly back and forth as you eat and then the conversation turns to vacation plans and, lastly, day to day practicalities. Frankie's getting groceries on his way home, as well as running a few errands.

"Want me to pick you up after work?" he offers when you've both eaten. You shift in your seat and recross your legs.

"I've got my bike," you remind him.

"And I've got a truck. But if you'd rather bike, that's fine. Just figured you'd like to go home in comfort, and with an AC."

"That's very considerate of you."

"Well, I'm a considerate guy," Frankie boasts, making you laugh before checking your phone for the time.

"Fuck. I gotta get going in a bit." You look up at him. "Thanks for lunch, baby, it was wonderful. I really needed this."

"You're very welcome." He leans back and slings his arm over the backrest of the bench, just reaching your arm and passing a finger over it in a feathery caress.

"Can I kiss you?" he asks in a low voice, clearly expecting a no. You give him a soft smile and decide that he's earned a kiss on a park bench in late June when the sun is shining and the wind smells of the sea.

"Yes, you can." You lean forward and he does the same, and you share a brief, sweet kiss above the takeout bag.

"Thanks for asking," you smile at him, so grateful that he respects your boundaries. His hand has closed lightly over your arm and he gives it a little squeeze.

"Always. I know you don't like doing this in public." He chuckles a little. "I actually expected you to look at me like I had just suggested full on intercourse on this bench."

You laugh but there's a part of you that feels bad. Frankie's a pretty private guy and not the one to grope his significant other in the supermarket checkout line but he loves every excuse to touch you, whether it's just brushing his fingers over your arm, like now, or having his arm over your shoulders. He's not opposed to stealing kisses on park benches either. Denying him this is like telling him to stop caring for you.

"Am I very terrible to be with?" You hesitate a little. "With my weird hang-ups?"

"The absolute worst," he comforts you. "And I wouldn't have it any other way."

Your heart jolts and you decide he's earned another kiss, one that he accepts with gratitude. When he's about to pull back, your hand darts up to his cheek to hold him with you for a third, little one.

"That's one for asking and one for lunch," you mumble, and kiss him one more time, tasting the salt caramel brownie on his tongue as yours slip in between his lips. "And one to prove to you that I am definitely not the worst."

Frankie grins. "I like how you have to prove me wrong all the time."

"You would."

You gather up the trash and stuff it into the takeout bag before slowing walking back towards your place of work.

"I don't wannaaaa," you whine but you actually feel more equipped to take on the rest of your day and, maybe, even the rest of your week.

"Three more days after today," Frankie reminds you, "and you're free to do whatever you like for four weeks."

"I can't wait."

"Neither can I," he agrees.

"Thanks again. I'll bike home, it's not a problem."

"Sure. See you later. Kick ass, baby."

You giggle, give him a small wave, and walk into the air-conditioned building.

Three more days. You can do that.

[notyourdayrdream]

Tan Hands and Tan Lines

Day Three, Side A: Ubiquitous

(read it here on AO3)

Nobody wants to spend their summer vacation working. But spending it with your two best friends wasn’t too bad. So when Mercedes told Rachel and Kurt that there were two openings at the retro fifties diner in downtown Lima, they jumped on the opportunity.

Diner in the Sky started out as a relatively slow job. It had just opened a few months ago and the word hadn’t gotten out to much of the city that it even existed. In those early days, Kurt and his friends spent the afternoons and nights singing through the empty store, twirling on black and white checkered floors. Finn and some of the other New Directions would stop by before the sunset and order milkshakes with fries. He and Rachel would not-so-mysteriously disappear for five or so minutes, and Kurt noticed the way Mercedes and Sam giggled around each other. He eventually cornered her during a graveyard shift, and she admitted that they had been dating in secret since prom. It took two days for Mercedes to win Kurt back, after buying him the new Marc Jacobs piece he had been dreaming about.

It was a cute job with even cuter outfits. Until July fourth came around.

The mayor of Lima stopped by that night and made a big show of it all, forever putting the little diner on the map. The appearance knocked out every ubiquitous fast food joint in town. It’s been packed every night since.

“I need a number five without onions!” Kurt hears Rachel scream into the kitchen, followed by the clanging of a few plates. She storms out a minute later, hair sticking to the sweat on her face.

“I hate this job,” she grumbles to him as she makes her way to another table of hungry customers.

Kurt leans his body weight against the counter. The metal is cool against his skin, a nice distraction from the oppressive summer heat. The bar isn’t nearly as packed tonight as the rest of the restaurant, mostly just little kids ordering heart attack inducing malts and ice cream cones. He’s adjusting the stupid rectangle shaped hat on his hat when he hears the door jingle at nine o’clock on the dot.

Blaine Anderson strolls into the diner with his little private smile, pulling his usual denim jacket off as he goes. He’s humming again, a pop song Kurt notices. Probably Katy Perry. He overheard Blaine tell Rachel she was his most listened to artist last week. Not that he was listening to hear if his name came up in conversation or anything like that. That would be crazy.

They meet eyes for a brief second, hazel to blue. Blaine grins before sliding onto one of the red leather barstools. “Hell again?” His cheeks are flushed pink, but Kurt blames it on the heat.

“Yeah,” Kurt replies, sounding breathier than usual. Blaine has a way of doing that to him. With his funny quirks and ability to make restaurant issued bowties sexy, the Dalton Academy junior has snuck his way into Kurt’s heart from the second he started working with him.

There’s a particularly loud crash in the corner of the building, followed by a baby screaming. Blaine takes a moment to sober himself, eyelashes fanning out on the apple of his cheeks. “I better get to work. I mean, I should get to work.” He’s flailing, adorably so. “I mean, I should check that out.” Blaine stumbles. The back of his neck is red as he walks away.

“Remind me again why you won’t ask him out?” Mercedes says with a poke to Kurt’s shoulder. Her hair is still intact, textured curls bouncing at her shoulders. The only way you’d know she had been working was the ketchup colored stains on her baby blue dress and apron. “He’s obviously into you.”

Kurt’s thought about it so many times, and the answer is that he doesn’t know. Competing schools wasn’t an excuse, it was summer. Besides, the Warblers had been so gracious in their loss at Regionals that they invited the New Directions over for coffee at the Lima Bean.

Truth is, he was scared. He’s never had a boyfriend, let alone asked a boy out or even told one they were handsome. This is still Ohio, and being out and proud has its consequences. He knows Blaine is gay at least, so his crushing isn’t creepy.

It sort of terrifies him to care about someone so deeply. When Blaine came in with red rimmed eyes after his fifteen minute break one night in the middle of June, Kurt sat with him as he ranted about how awful his dad was. He’s the only friend Kurt has that likes to watch old black and white movies for fun. Blaine makes him laugh so hard he cries, and everytime he brushes past Kurt during the busy nights, the spot tingles for until he gets home.

Kurt sighs. “I don’t know.” He rests his head against the edge of the soda machine. “Crushes are so damned difficult.” Mercedes hums in sympathy.

“It’ll work out, boo. Even if Rachel and I have to force the two of you to close together like last time.” He can feel her laugh beside him, and soon he’s laughing too. That was a good night.

“Kurt! ‘Cedes!” Rachel all but screams, turning a few heads. After knowing the girl for two years, he’s convinced she only has two settings: Loud and Louder.

Her face is bright pink and there’s a deep crease between her brows. She’s got her Business Face on. “What’re you two doing? This large party just came in, and you guys are just sitting here! A little help would be appreciated!” She huffs, pumps tapping against the floor as she walks to the back at a dizzying speed.

Kurt and Mercedes share an eye roll before going opposite ways. The party Rachel was talking about is huge, five adults and three kids under ten years old. After finding a table large enough so they’d all be comfortable, he pulls out a notepad and asks what drinks he can get them started with.

An older woman starts speaking in rapid fire Italian, gesturing to the rest of the group, who nod in return. Kurt instantly regrets taking up French instead of literally any other language.

“I’m so sorry,” he says, hoping they could understand. “I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

A younger man with a beard cocks his head and speaks in an incredibly thick accent. How a family of Italians decided to spend a summer in boring Ohio confuses him. “Could we get another waiter?” He stutters through the sentence, and Kurt feels bad to inconvenience them.

There’s a familiar tingle on his left shoulder. “I can help them,” Blaine whispers, side-stepping him to get closer to the table. He says something to the family, who grin back at him. He has that effect on people.

“You speak Italian?” Kurt hisses. This guy is just full of surprises.

Blaine puts his head down and smiles. He shrugs like everyone in America is fluent in the romantic language. “I spent a few summers in southern Italy with my grandmother when I was younger.” Because of course he did.

“Oh,” Kurt offers lamely. “Okay, well tell them I’m really sorry for any inconvenience.”

Blaine smirks at him and turns to the table. He says something to them, laughing afterwards. Kurt watches behind him, amazed at the way Blaine can make anyone feel so important. Not to mention Italian is such a hot language to hear coming out of his mouth.

A kid who can’t be above twelve pipes up, pointing back to Kurt. The rest of the family looks back at him too.

Kurt pulls at the edge of his crisp button down. They’re looking back and forth between him and Blaine, unnerving him beyond belief. He feels called out and exposed even though he has no idea what’s being said about him. So he just returns a wavering smile and turns to leave and prepares to never show his face again when he hears it.

Amore.

That stops him in his tracks. Love? Kurt’s no language expert, but the word is pretty universal in every one of them. He turns around to ask Blaine for a translation, but to his surprise he’s gone uncharacteristically silent.

Blaine eventually stammers through a reply, hands stuck stiffly at his sides. Kurt hears him murmur, “I’ll be back with your drinks,” before walking into the kitchen as fast as he can. He won’t make eye contact with Kurt the rest of the night.

Diner in the Sky closes at eleven every night, and it takes another thirty minutes on a good day to scrub stains from the tabletops and lock everything up. It’s Kurt’s night to close up. Usually either Rachel or Mercedes is on schedule to help him, but since his luck is just absolute shit, he has to clean up the place with Blaine.

Closing up is usually an intimate job. Just two people, the nostalgia of an old diner, and a jukebox. Depending on who you’re with, it’s either heaven or hell. Kurt’s not sure which one he’ll get tonight. The other two times he’s had to suffer through it with Blaine, it’s been fun. They dirtied dishes making vanilla shakes and doo-wopping along to the jukebox tunes.

Tonight feels like purgatory. Blaine avoids him at any cost. If Kurt goes to mop the kitchen floors, he goes to the front room, and vice versa. He won’t speak to him, or even acknowledge him when he accidentally sweeps Kurt’s feet. It’s fine at first, Kurt can handle the awkwardness. But eventually, it simmers to anger.

“Can I talk to you?” He calls after Blaine. He stops like a kid caught in the cookie jar, hand freezing on the light switch. He turns slowly, eyes as big as saucers.

“Yeah?”

Kurt glares at him for a moment before speaking. “Look, I don’t know what that family said to you, but it gives you no right to be so absolutely rude—”

“They said I looked like I loved you.” It comes out as if it pains him to say.

That sentence makes any anger Kurt has, flow out of him and into a pond on the floor. Love?

He scraps up any dignity he has left and smiles to himself. “Well, do you?”

“Do I what?” Blaine snaps, coming to sit on the stool next to him. His leg trembles on the floor. Kurt can recognize now the little tells he didn’t know he ever noticed; how Blaine presses his thumb and ring finger together when he’s especially nervous, the way his eyes seem to light up when he looks at him.

“Love me?” Kurt continues, heart threatening to beat out of his chest. He wants to hear him say it.

Blaine doesn’t answer, instead opting to bury his head into his hands. Kurt hears him mumble to himself. Something about not the right time and tan messed everything up. His stomach flip flops.

“So,” Kurt drags, tapping the edge of the metal counter. “Love, huh?”

“Shut up,” Blaine mutters. They sit in comfortable silence for a little, until the hum of Ella Fitzgerald fizzles off the record. Then, Kurt feels a warm, almost clammy hand on top of his. It’s enough of an answer for him.

[anntoldst0ries]

Diagnosis

I just want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart to all of you who read my previous fic and left such kind comments. You can’t imagine how much I appreciate this!

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x f!MC (Vicky Valentine)

Word Count: 2,911

Summary: Dr Ramsey attempts to diagnose the most difficult case in his career...his own.

Warnings: None! A lot of introspection again and hints of angst :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ethan Ramsey considered himself a brave man.

He always had the courage to say whatever he wanted to say or what had to be said - be that a terminal diagnosis, savaging someone’s speech at a medical conference (only if the speaker was talking nonsense, that is), scolding an intern - you name it. 

With years of experience under his belt, Dr Ramsey excelled at the “art” of saying the most horrible, unpleasant and inconvenient things. It was a process he took to pieces and mastered every tiniest part.

He knew exactly what they were whispering behind his back in the hospital corridors. Dr Ramsey is a bully. A ruthless cynic. No one survived more than 3 minutes of his tirades without bursting into tears. Or, as some of the interns so lovingly put it, he was “the only survivor of a heart transplant”. The last remark had been conveyed to him by Baz, who found it hilarious…and so did Naveen. It took one deadly look to silence Baz forever, however Naveen used every occasion to remind his protégé of hospital’s favourite joke:

‘How’s your heart, Ethan?’

‘Good, why are you as—‘ Ethan didn’t have a chance to finish answering the question, interrupted by Dr Banerji who was in convulsions.

‘God, Naveen, for such a bright mind and one of the best doctors in the world, I still find it hard to believe that you have a sense of humour of a 5 year old’

‘There is nothing wrong with some joy, Ethan. You should try it sometimes, it may do you good.’

Similar conversations took place on a regular basis, but they always ended with Ethan rolling his eyes and Naveen sighing. Younger doctor would never, ever tell his mentor off, he respected him too much. So Ethan let Dr Banerji have some fun at his expense from time to time.

But, truth be told, he kept his emotions at a leash and he was good at it, because there wasn’t a thing in Ethan’s life that he wasn’t good at. Regardless of what it was - saving people’s lives or emotional self-deprivation.

That’s why reminiscing past 2 years was so hard for accomplished diagnostician. He couldn’t help but think that he’s lived more during this time than he’s lived during his whole life. His existence wasn’t a boring one, he loved his job and the cases that the team had to crack were mostly complex and thus exciting. There was also a sense of fulfilment and servitude to a greater cause.

As a kid, Ethan wanted to be a detective. It all started with Alan buying his son one of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s books. There was no hidden intention in this choice - Alan simply ran out of book ideas, Ethan was literally gobbling up the books at his disposal and was thirsty for more. Therefore, Mr Ramsey picked picked one of the thickest positions available in the book shop, with hopes it will keep Ethan occupied for at least a couple of weeks. Oh, how wrong he was - 5 days later his son was already begging for more.

Sherlock Holmes and Hercules Poirot quickly took the top spot on the list of Ethan’s childhood heroes. He was obsessed with their investigative methods, their sharp minds that captured even the tiniest of details and how missing those nuances would make solving a mystery a lot harder, if not impossible. 

That’s why he became obsessed with details. He analysed, compared, observed and noted down everything around him with deliberation. After a while, Ethan realised that these skills come handy in various areas of life. He could read people and to a degree foresee what their next move was going to be. If he wanted to, he could probably try and influence their decisions too. If it wasn’t for Alan’s upbringing, this particular skill might have taken his life onto a dark track, but fortunately he utilised it for greater good.

Having this sort of insight made him very self-conscious and he never turned away from reliving his own decisions and behaviours, which helped him become a better doctor, every single day. But he never wallowed in the mud of emotions, instead always operating on facts.

But for the past couple of months, this process became a pure torture. 

You know what they say, the devil is in the detail. And the devil it was indeed. 

The devil that would be the death of Ethan was 5’4, had raven hair, plumped lips, mesmerising eyes and a captivating laugh. 

Suddenly, he heard the devil’s voice in his head.

‘Are you pinching the bridge of your nose right now?’ 

He was.

‘God dammit!’ - shouted Ethan, so loud that he startled poor Jenner, who resigned from occupying the sofa and ran straight to his bed. Even the retriever, in his doggy wisdom, knew that when his master was upset, it was best to stay out of his sight and wait for the storm to pass.

Whenever Dr Ramsey had a serious dilemma, he would subtly join his thumb and index finger to pinch the gentle skin between eyes. She knew of this somewhat subconscious habit and teased him about it countless times. 

With most people, the whole observing and reading process was a one-sided game. For majority of mortals, Ethan was a closed book and they had no idea how to open, let alone read it. But not Rookie. She saw right through him. Ethan considered himself a riveting mystery thriller before, if we’re talking comparisons, but right now he was probably a cheap Harlequin. How did he sink so low in practically no time?

The answer came before he was even able to finish the question.

He was hopelessly, utterly and irreversibly in love with Dr Vicky Valentine.

“Victoria….” he whispered. He knew her full name, he’s read her bloody application and her employee file many, many times. More than he’d ever care to admit. Neither him nor anyone else addressed her by her full name. She always introduced herself as Vicky and even mentioned to him, June & Baz one time that she considered herself too young to be a bearer of such gracious name. But when the name fell out of his lips, it made perfect sense. Victoria. Victory. After a long, tough and heartbreaking battle, she’s won all of him. And man, wasn’t she fighting fiercely. 

She was so much like him, and yet so different. Patients loved her, and for a good reason - not only was she amazing at her job, but also so genuinely caring about every patient she met. Somehow, she was able to see past people weary of their conditions, instead she always noticed the human beings with their unique stories. Thanks to her, patients never felt like sickness became their identity, but merely a stage in their life that shall soon pass. 

Hospital staff adored her as well, she had time and a huge smile for everyone; her bright aura lit up every room she walked into and was a pleasure to be around. 

Those who knew Ethan a bit better or worked with him were aware of the insanely high standards he was holding himself to. And it would have been fine if they only applied to him, but he held everyone else to the same standard too. It was his buffer. Most gave up without even trying, it was humanly impossible to live up to such expectations. And that was the goal. Dr Ramsey wanted no distractions and if anyone wanted so much as approach him, they had a giant wall to jump over first.

But the young intern wasn’t bothered in the slightest. Dozens of people before her stood in front of the wall and tried to figure out how to get in. And she… she just found a tiny gap and squeezed right through. Before Ethan realised what’s going on, it was already too late. And she wasn’t even fully aware of what she’s done.

Like air, she’s entered his life imperceptibly, filling every space until there was nothing else. She was in every reflection he saw, every smile, every freaking thing a reminder of her, one way or another.

He was completely under her spell, enchanted, drunk in the thought of her.

The most ironic part was that if he went by his unreasonable standards, she’d never stand a chance.

She was messy, she was a klutz, she laughed too loud and rounded her eyes like a child when something seriously excited her.

And yet, something about her made him break all of his rules, lower his guard and re-think everything he’s ever thought he knew and believed in. 

Obviously, he wouldn’t be himself if the occupational quirk did not kick in at some point. Whatever the cause, Dr Ramsey had to get to the bottom of it, no matter how many tests did he have to run on his mind and heart. He needed the diagnosis so he could start the treatment. But his sharp diagnostic skills which made him a famous man, suddenly decided to go on unplanned vacation and it looks like they were not coming back anytime soon.

Ambivalence became Ethan’s newest companion. Some days, he thought he was going to blow his brains out, the others he was strangely content and did not want to analyse anything, things were good just as they were.

For the first time in his life, he felt truly lost. He felt like Jon Snow, he knew nothing. It wasn’t a result of one event, rather a chain reaction. Starting with Naveen getting sick, the inability to figure out what was wrong with his mentor made Ethan seriously doubt his capabilities as a doctor. Then, Louise Ramsey made a surprise reappearance after having walked out on him and his dad 25 years earlier. When he was little, his dad use to say that wherever Louise goes, trouble follows and it wasn’t any different this time. She brought company - insecurity, sorrow, resentment - to name just a few. Ethan felt like someone ripped a band aid from his heart and painfully reminded him that all the wounds are still alive and never really healed. 

And finally, Edenbrook. The place that others saw as walls, glass, beds, people in white coats, sickness, illness, death. To him, it was much, much more. The hospital had almost a transcendental dimension. It was here that Ethan’s transition had been completed. He shed his old skin and became Dr Ramsey, the person he was always meant to be.

That’s why Edenbrook closing hit him so hard - a part of him was about to die and be buried beneath years of sweat, tears and effort. It was probably the hardest thing to come to terms with in the 37 years that he’s been walking on the surface of the Earth.

And throughout all these events, she was with him.

She never gave up on Naveen and Ethan knew that there was more to it than just saving Edenbrook’s most prominent doctor. He believed, he wanted to believe that she did this for him too. 

The memory brought shame that drained off him like unpleasant wave of cold water. Ethan never really forgave himself for just laying in his bed like a drunk bag of potatoes, whilst she was busting her gut to solve the case, even though she had ethics hearing to prepare for. A hearing that could make or break her whole career, before she even had a chance to start.

Dr Ramsey would like to think they were alike. But as a matter of fact, she was a much better person than him.

Then, with his mother in the picture, she never told him what to do. Even though he asked, many times. He hoped someone can actually make the decision for him, because it hurt so much to even think about this, let alone decide what to do next. But she never did. She was just there and by simply being, she empowered him to make his own, informed decision. 

She was there, like no one else was in his entire life. Not to take anything from Naveen, who had tremendous effect on Ethan’s life - but this was completely different.

She penetrated his soul.

She made him feel.

Love.

It was the first time he used this word in a long, long time. 

And maybe, quite possibly, for the first time in his life he used it with intention. 

He thought he felt it once before. 

When he was a student at Johns Hopkins, Ethan met Camille. She was a year older than him, with angelic voice and looks, the cascade of blond locks surrounding her gentle facial features like a halo. 

What impressed him was that she kept hitting up on him, not the other way round. He’s had his mind set on graduating as a top student in his class and then getting the best residency there was - in Edenbrook hospital in Boston. It was either him or someone else. University romances were of no interest to him, or so he thought. After all, he’s just gone past his teenage years and was relatively new to the world of intimate human desires. As much as he tried to push them away, he had needs and his hormones were still a giant part of his decision-making process, doesn’t matter how hard he tried denying it.

Also, there was something motherly about her and she reminded him of the woman who left him when he was just a boy. It was completely fucked-up, he hated his mother and yet a memory of her and how he’d once do anything for her was tattooed in the insides of his brain.

Ethan and Camille shared a passion for medicine, music and opera. A few times, he was close to bringing her down to Providence, to introduce her to Alan, his father. But there was this weird voice in his head stopping him. 

Maybe that’s why he wasn’t overly surprised when one day he walked on Camille. In his bed. Screaming and making other explicit sounds…except, he wasn’t the igniter. It was none other than his best friend at the time, Tobias. Ethan would never forget the jealous glance he shot him with when he first brought Camille to one of the student parties. And then things got worse. Ethan and Tobias always competed and for a long time it was a fuel that kept them both going. But when someone wins, someone has to lose. Neither of them was good at losing or accepting the failure. 

Ethan was doing better than his best friend. Not significantly better, the difference between them had usually been slight, but it was there. Tobias couldn’t swallow this. Not only was Ethan doing better than him, he also had one of the most beautiful students at Hopkins by his side. Jealousy started to spread inside him like a wildfire and since his attempts to beat Ethan at school were futile, he decided to make use of his other skills. Tobias was a born flirter and charmer. He often used to say that no woman can resist his spell and that “where there’s a woman - there’s a way.”

Dr Ramsey never told anyone, but having found out that his girlfriend cheated on him with his best friend was sort of relief. Call it sixth sense, an intuition… subconsciously he sort of felt that she wasn’t a girl for him. As for Tobias, he was tired of the fight….of Tobias fighting with him, that is. Ethan wasn’t fighting, he was just a better student and was going to be a better doctor. He was tired of petty competition and how the toxin poisoned their relationship.

So they actually made him a favour and helped him killed 2 birds with 1 stone - he was saved from having an awkward break-up conversation that he’s never went through before and he now had every right to hate Tobias. He didn’t really, as such feelings were a waste of energy, but a week later Tobias moved out of their shared apartment and they never really spoke again.

After Camille, he was only in a brief relationship once. With Harper. He deeply admired and respected her, but when things started getting too serious (from her side), he distanced himself. And so, for a couple of years to follow, they were on the off and on again terms. They went through countless friends with benefits stages, but he genuinely enjoyed her company. They just never wanted the same things, which became more and more evident as she was getting older. And he respected her too much to mess her around.

Ethan’s career was everything to him and he accepted the fact that falling in love and having a family is just not in the cards for him.

Or so he thought.  

Dr Valentine entered his life one September morning and hasn’t left ever since. And, hell, hasn’t he tried to erase her. To make her hate him. To draw a line between work and personal life. He could honestly say that he tried everything.

For the love of God, he ran to fucking Amazon! He tried to hide from all things Dr Valentine, like a fool who forgot one of the most basic rules of life: there is no running away from yourself. 

Tag list (please let me know if you wish to be removed): @terrm9 @openheart12 @openheartthot @rookie-ramsey @alwaysmychoices @brooks-eden @drethanramslay @starrystarrytrouble @justanotherrookie @caseyvalentineramsey@incorrectopenheart @heauxplesslydevoted @perriewinklenerdie @mercury84choices @archxxronrookie @renasalek-blog @maurine07 @whippedforethanfreakingramsey @lemonmiddleton @tsrookie @choicesfan10 @dr-colossal-pita @queencarb @gryffindordaughterofathena @qrkowna @aarisa-frost @choicesficwriterscreations

[space-and-galaxies]

wrote a fic for my set after series but its not showing up in the tag so im posting on main 

Link

Alternative to ao3: 

The lawn of the mansion was more packed than usual but that didn't stop Donald from seeking the boys out with his eyes, it was second nature to him at this point honestly. He found them together -which didn't surprise him in the least-, looking rattled, seemingly searching for something. That something didn't have a word for itself but he knew what it was, and he also knew it was now Della's job to provide that. And that didn't bother him anymore, he was glad the boys had their mom- it was all he had ever wanted for them. But that meant facing a hard truth- he wasn't the one taking care of them anymore. He had come to terms with that by now and he was okay with it, the boys deserved to have an actual parent in their lives, not just an uncle they had to settle for. No matter how much he had wanted them. No matter how much he had thought of them as his kids. They weren't, not really, and now he had the chance to have his own kids.

So why did it feel so wrong?

He watched as Della went over to them, offering comforting and reassurance, but they didn't even register it which made him frown. They had been receptive to her before- well, Louie had taken longer than his brothers but now he adored her just as much, what had changed?

Scrooge apparently had noticed as well and also made his way over to them, trying to help but the same thing happened. His frown deepened, something was going on here. Before he even realized what he was doing he was going over there and bending down to the triplets level, he tried to ask them what was going on but they hugged him before he could get a word out. He easily wrapped all three of them up in his arms and rubbed their backs, whispering soft reassurances to them.

"This is all over now, right? They're not gonna attack our family anymore?" Huey asked; the three of them looked at him wanting comfort.

"It's over." Donald confirmed. And that was true, F.O.W.L had been disbanded once and for all, and even if one or two people tried something it wouldn't as bad as today was. "It's okay now, boys, everyone's okay." He stared up at his Uncle and sister who were watching the scene with an ineffable look, "Right?" He told them promptingly.

"Right." They both quickly responded.

The boys seemed placated by that and let him go, "Thanks, Uncle Donald."

"Of course." They took off after that, probably to find the other kids and he turned back to the other two. "What?" He asked, noting their looks hadn't changed. They jumped out of it.

"Nothing. How did you know what to do?"

He shrugged, "Practice. Experience. Knowing them better than they know themselves. Of course they’re on edge, two of their own were taken today.” Speaking of, where was...? He found Webby talking to Mrs. B and smiled, good, they both needed that.

"Yeah, but," Della shook her head but continued at the stare he gave her. "They responded to you." They did, didn't they? He tried to give her an answer for that but found he didn't have one himself. Why did they do that? They had Della now, she was all they had ever wanted- they had tried to hide it from him but he knew how to read them exceptionally well and really couldn't blame them. He raised them but he wasn't a parent, they wanted a parent. And now there were two little girls who wanted a parent as well, and maybe he could be that for them. And that was okay, the boys had Della, he had the chance to be an actual parent, everything worked out in the end.

Right?

______________________________________________________________

That night he went back to the houseboat, normally after big events like this he liked to be near his family but he still had some packing to do. He and Daisy were planning on waiting a few days for things to settle down -and taking the time to get May and June things they would need- before leaving, but there was still a lot he had to pack. They were coming back eventually, but he didn't know how long they'd be gone and it was better to be safe than sorry. He didn't know why he had ever thought he could move away permanently, today had reminded him of how much he loved his family, and how much he hated the thought of being separated from any of them for too long. Constant adventuring did funny things to the brain he supposed.

He was cut out of his thoughts by a knock at the door and tilted his head, letting out a 'huh'. "Come in!" He shouted figuring it would be Della, wanting him to come back inside the mansion or just wanting to be near him after what almost happened to him. Imagine his surprise when three figures stepped into the room. "Boys." He blinked. "You know you never have to knock. What's up?" They were about to answer when they noticed him packing,

Dewey tilted his head, "What're you doing?" Oh right, here came the hard part. They didn't need him as much anymore, but he still couldn't imagine them taking him leaving very well.

"Packing."

"You're still leaving?" Louie asked quietly.

Donald gave them a shaky smile, “Yeah, you three have Della and Scrooge now.”

“That doesn’t mean we don’t need you too.” Huey protested; his brothers nodded in agreement and Donald's smile grew more genuine.

"It's not forever, I could never leave our family forever. It's just a little vacation, after everything that's happened it's long overdue. But I'll still have my phone on me- anytime you want to call me you can, for any reason. And we're not leaving for a few days, there's no way Della would let that happen." He said with a chuckle.

The three of them looked at each other, having one of their numerous silent conversations. "Can we sleep here tonight?"

He softened instantly, "Of course you can." He then noticed how late it was so he decided to stop packing for the night and moved everything off to the side so the boys could climb in the hammock. Once the four of them were situated he began humming, hoping that would lull them to sleep and pulled them close to him, needing some form of grounding and knowing they needed it too. It had been a long day for all of them, so he prayed with every inch of him that they were able to sleep through the night.

Only a few hours passed before he woke up. He was greatly intuned to any signs of distress from the boys so when he noticed what woke him he wasn't surprised at all. Dewey was having some sort of nightmare and was muttering something in his sleep, but he quickly grew louder. "Dad!" He called out, still not waking up. Oh. Oh.

It was like everything just suddenly fell into place. That was what felt so wrong, he already had his own kids, they were just as much his as they were Della's- maybe even more. He was their Dad, he had always been their Dad, in everything but name. But what was a name anyways? Just a label, there were more important things that determined people's significance to one another. He raised them, he was there for them when no one else was, protected and defended them from everything that could hurt them, no matter how small or infinitesimal -it didn't matter to him, as long as there was a chance they could get hurt he was there-, and maybe that was all that mattered. Names weren't important, actions were.  

Dewey was getting more restless so Donald figured this wasn't a nightmare he could wake himself up from and did it himself. He jolted up, panting, and Donald quickly but gently grabbed him in a hug and started to soothe him; the movement woke the other two up. "Ugh, what's going on?" Louie sleepily mumbled. "Dewey?" He asked, more awake when he noticed where his brother was. Dewey just shook his head.

"He had a bad dream." Donald explained and Huey and Louie shared a look which he understood almost too well, Dewey was the least likely of them to get nightmares, when he did it meant something was really wrong. Of course, today had been, something, so it hadn't been surprising in the least that one of them had gotten one, but the fact that it had been him was especially worrying. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asked once he calmed down.

"It was just about what happened today." Dewey said quietly. "I know I couldn't say anything but it was really scary." Donald hummed, with Huey gone the oldest brother roll had fallen on him and it was something he had always taken very seriously. Louie pressed his head into his brother's and Huey wrapped them up in a hug of his own.

Donald smiled. "You were very brave today, all of you were, I am so proud of you." The look they gave him in return did funny things to his heart.

What was he doing? He couldn't just leave them, they needed him- probably more than they needed anyone else, besides each other, he saw that now. But May and June needed a parent too, only now he wasn't so sure that he could be it, or that he really wanted to be. That sounded bad, but four kids were more than enough for him, besides, those girls deserved a quiet life after everything they had been through and he didn't think he could provide that- adventuring was just as a part of him as it was the rest of his family. But he still needed an actual break from it, he still needed this trip, and looking down at the boys all huddled against him he realized that they needed it too. Hmmm...

The next morning was just as hectic as you'd expect the morning after taking down an evil secret organization to be, breakfast fire and all. Donald quickly threw the food into the pool and the four of them watched it sink to the bottom. The boys started laughing after a few moments and he fondly let out a few chuckles, "Okay, no more experimenting with food in small places." Huey's brothers looked at him teasingly and he playfully shoved them.

"So what dewey dew for breakfast now?"

"Ummm..." Donald said as he noticed Daisy walk into the backyard; the triplets looked at each other and quietly excused themselves, they could just find something in the mansion. Daisy smiled at them as they passed her then made her way on the boat, giving Donald a peck on the cheek as soon as she reached him. He blushed and rubbed his neck, "We need to talk. Not that talk!" He hurriedly added on when he noticed her look. "It's, umm, about our trip." She looked at him understandingly and gestured to the houseboat.

Once the two of them got settled on the couch he started talking, "I've been thinking, a lot, I don't think I can go on it with you- or May or June. It doesn't, it doesn't feel right, I mean, the triplets need me, I can't just leave them. I know they have Della and Scrooge now, but they just don't respond to them like they do me. And after everything they've been through.... they just need to be around someone who really understands them." He rubbed his neck. "And well, after raising them for ten years that's me."

She grabbed his free hand, "It's okay, Donald, I understand. They're your boys. Actually," He tilted his head at her, intrigued. "I've been talking to May and June and while they really like you, we've agreed that it might be best if they be in an environment they can truly heal in, so I think I'm gonna take them in."

"Daisy..." He said with awe.

"I want to, Donald, you've really rubbed off on me. Watching you with the triplets, and Webby... well, it's one of the reasons I like you so much. I know I can do for those girls what you've done for the four of them. Besides, it might be a little too soon for us to do something like this. But someday, I would absolutely love to go with you."  

Donald stared at her completely enamored, "How did I get so lucky?"

She squeezed his hands, "I'm the lucky one." They smiled at each other and she continued, "Anyway, I just wanted to stop by and tell you that, and to see about postponing the trip myself, I really think right now they just need peace and quiet- or as much of that as they can get in Duckberg. Go be with your boys, Donald, I'm not going anywhere." He grinned at her and they shared a kiss, god he loved her. Loved? Yeah, yeah, he loved her. He really did.

He walked her to the front door of the mansion, giving her one last kiss then bent down to hug May and June. The two of them shared a hug with Webby and then they and Daisy were off. Donald looked down at Webby, "Had breakfast yet, Kiddo?" She shook her head so they made their way to the kitchen. "How are you feeling after everything?"

"Good, I talked to Granny and Uncle Dad Scrooge." He hummed, not commenting on the 'Uncle Dad' part, some things took a while to get used to, he knew that better than anyone. "And sure, some things have changed but the important things haven't, and that's what matters! Plus, now I'm really a member of this family!"

"Webby, you always were." He told her sincerely; she beamed and hugged him.

______________________________________________________________

When they got to the kitchen he was surprised to see everyone else in there, Mrs. Beakley was making breakfast -which was not a surprise- and Scrooge was helping her. Della was attempting to help as well but was being shooed away and the boys were giggling at her. Donald's heart hadn't felt so full in a long while. He sat down next to them while Webby went to help and was allowed to, much to Della's chagrin. "How come she gets to?!"

"She's never burnt the kitchen down making cereal, dear." Mrs. Beakley told her and she pouted but went to sit down.

Louie nudged Huey, "So that's where you get it from." Dewey let out a gasp and Huey rolled his eyes at them. "Where did Aunt Daisy go?" Louie then asked, looking around.

"Oh she took May and June back to her's, where they're gonna be staying from now on." The triplets glanced at each other. "They've been through a lot, we've both agreed that this is what's best for them."

Della turned to him, "Wait I thought you guys were taking them on your trip?"

"Yeah, we're not doing that anymore...." The kitchen fell silent and the others shared glances with one another. Finally, Huey spoke up,

"It's because of us, isn't it?" He asked quietly, looking down; his brothers did the same.

Donald sighed, "Yes and no," He said honestly. "Last night made me realize some things, mainly how silly I was thinking I could ever leave you three for more than a few hours." They jerked their heads up. "You said it yourselves- you need me, and what kind of Uncle would I be if I ignored that? Not the kind I want to be, that's for sure." Saying Uncle felt off, but that was a conversation for another time.

The boys shared another look, "Speaking of last night," Dewey said awkwardly, playing with his fingers. "I might've called you Dad in my sleep." Oh, guess it was another time already. "I don't know if you heard, but I wanted to apologize anyways, I know you don't like it when we call you that."

"What!" Della said, making everyone turn to her. "Why don't you let them call you that, Donald? You're the one who raised them for the first ten years of their lives. Okay, yeah, maybe you thought them calling you that would replace me in some way, but I'm here now and I'm telling you that you are their Dad- I couldn't think of a better person to have that name for them. Or a better person to be doing this parenting thing with."

"Well, that was something else I realized last night- when you said that, Dewey, everything just clicked." Donald admitted. "I've had my problems with it before, but if you three want to call me Dad I'm more than okay with it." The triplets grinned and hugged him, he gladly reciprocated with a grin of his own while Della looked at them fondly. After that breakfast was served and everyone ate, sitting around the kitchen table. It was crowded, but they wouldn't have it any other way. As they ate Donald noticed Della kept glancing at him and he raised an eyebrow at her but she just turned back to her food. Huh, wonder what that was about?

Once breakfast was finished and the kitchen was clean everyone went their separate ways for the day, well most of everyone. The boys caught up with Donald and he looked at them curiously. "So you're not going on your trip anymore.....?"

Ah, that was what this was. "Daisy and I agreed that it was too soon for us, besides, May and June need most of her attention right now and you three need mine." He paused for a moment considering something and then continued. "Actually, I still want to go on it- I really do need a vacation, but how would you like it if the four of us went instead?" The triplets looked at one another, their expressions almost entirely unreadable. "Take your time, I'm not in any hurry. And whatever you decide I'll be fine with, it's just a suggestion."

"How long would we be gone?" Huey asked.

"Not that long, a few months a most. Just a small break, you three weren't raised like me and Della and I can tell this constant adventuring is getting to you." He bent down to their level. "I just want you to be okay." They had another silent conversation then turned to him,

"We're in."

The next few days were as hectic as that morning had been, and between the packing and the planning Donald hadn't really had any time to himself. But that was okay with him, alone time was overrated. The boys were slowly getting more and more excited and that excitement was infectious, and not just with him, after they had told the others the updated plan and after some hesitance they got excited as well. Sure, it would be hard for the family to be split up but they could tell how much the four of them needed this. However, there was one person who wasn't as excited, and as Donald loaded his car up he knew he had to talk to her.

He walked up to the step she was sulking on and sat next to her. "Dells, I know you just got back to us and how hard this will be, but I promise I'm not trying to take them from you."

She looked at him, "No I know that, they need us, you need this, but now it's my brother and my boys." He nodded understandingly. "I would come with you, but I know you haven't had any real time with them since you moved into the mansion, and I also know how much all four of you miss that. I'll be okay, eventually; who knows, maybe this'll be good for me too? Ever since I've been back I've been so focused on being their Mom, I need to remember who I am outside of that."

"I'm proud of you."

"And I'm proud of all of us." Louie let out a groan from behind them and they laughed as they turned to him. "Everything good to go, Honey?" He nodded, then hesitated for a moment before hugging her. She let out a small surprised noise and hugged him back, they were joined by his brothers a few seconds later. "You three be good for your Dad, okay? Don't give him too hard of a time."

"Yes, Mom." They chorused, though everyone knew that it wouldn't happen, then started saying goodbye to the others. Donald turned to his sister and gave her a hug of his own,

"I'll miss you, don't get on Scrooge's nerves without me." She chuckled, ignored Scrooge's squawk, then asked if he was sure he was sure about this. "Yeah. I love Daisy, but the boys are my adventure. They always will be.” And then it was his turn to say goodbye to everyone else. Mrs. B's was short and to the point, but was filled with love just like everything else she did for her family, Webby's was longer and more emotional, brimming with assurances and promises to do stuff together when he and the boys got back. Scrooge's, Scrooge's was different, and in a way might've been the hardest one.

"Uncle Scrooge."

"Donald Duck."

"Oh come on, just hug each other already!" Della shouted; they looked at one another before doing so. Donald would never admit it, but he had always loved his Uncle's hugs, they felt like home. This hug, in particular, was especially comforting.

"Ae know ae dinnae say it much, but ae am proud o' yew, Nephew. Yew've grown inta such an admirable man and yew've done such a good job with the triplets. Ae know ae'm hard on yew sometimes, but that's just because ae want ta see yew succeed, and yew have- far beyond what ae had ever hoped. Have fun on yer trip, yew deserve it."

Donald choked back tears, "Thanks, Uncle Scrooge. I know I act like I don't care, but your approval has always meant the most to me. I owe a lot of who am I today to you. Thank you for being a good Uncle, to all of us." The rest of the family joined the hug, not one dry eye in sight, and then Donald and the boys were off. They all waved to each other until the car went out of view then Donald looked at his boys through the rearview mirror,

"You three ready for this?"

"Yeah." They were ready for anything.

[welcometophu]

The Meaning of Home, Chapter 1

The Meaning of Home Chapter 1

Tags for all Welcome to PHU novels will be available at the PHU tag list on Pillowfort. This list is under construction as of Sept. 5, 2021.

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Even knowing that he’ll see him at the end of the trip, it’s strange for Pawel to be driving to his childhood home without Conor in the car. Usually his son would be requesting music changes, playing videos so loud that Pawel could hear them even with Conor’s headphones in place, or generally talking up a storm. Even after cranking the radio up to fill the silence, Pawel feels alone in a way he hasn’t felt in a long, long time.

He can’t blame it entirely on Conor. Yes, as a single father he hasn’t had much, if any, time to himself in the last nine years. But this past academic year has been chaos to the point where it seems strange not to have one of his students in the car as they head off to save the world.

Students, yes, but he’s not that much older than most of them. Some of them are friends as well.

Rest. Take the summer and rest.

The voice in his mind sounds suspiciously like Mac, and he hears Carolyn’s soft, aggravated huff not long after as she adds, Get normal amounts of sleep. Take a shower. Eat real food.

Spend time with your kid, imaginary Mac adds.

Great. He’s back to being that only child who used to have conversations with invisible friends, except now, as an adult, it’s advice about self-care from real people who aren’t even here.

The thing is, they’re not wrong. He knows he has a tendency to focus intently on the one most important thing at hand and tune out everything else. Since fall semester—for the first time in nine years—that wasn’t Conor, and he still feels guilty about that. He feels the kind of guilty that means there are two brand new games for Conor’s handheld system in a bag on the back seat, along with a cooler holding freshly butchered grass-fed bison steaks as a thank you for his father for helping him out.

Pawel exhales.

Maybe he’s having a little trouble letting go of the chaos. In a way, it felt good to be busy. To fix things.

They saved the world.

Nobody knows it, but it happened. And Pawel knows, so he should be satisfied with a job well-done.

The question is: what can he do now?

Rest.

For all that they’re imaginary, the voices of his students are right, and he knows this. It’s just hard to let it all go, to accept that the chaos has ended and he can do that. But he’s clean-shaven, and his hair is neatly trimmed, even if he didn’t go back to his buzz cut. He looks older in the mirror than he remembers being when the school year began. He might even look his age, which would go a long way to gaining respect from incoming freshmen in the fall.

He just needs something to do with himself while on vacation over the summer.

Maybe his old dojang would let him step into a taekwondo class or two while he’s visiting Dad. It’d be nice to be the student rather than the instructor for once.

You couldn’t let go of control that much.

“Shut up.” He says it as if imaginary Mac would even listen.

One song ends, and for a second, the silence in the car echoes before the next song begins.

This isn’t working.

He reaches out to touch the button on his radio dash for the phone, then presses Mac’s number from his contact list.

“Aren’t you with your family?” She starts speaking without bothering to greet him.

He adjusts the volume so that her voice isn’t quite so loud. “Hello to you, too. I’m almost there now. It’s quiet in the car. No Conor. Not even any grouchy almost adults grumbling about saving the world, or muttering about sparring.”

Mac snorts softly. “I’m only a few years younger than you, Pawel. And out of us all, Rory’s probably got the oldest soul. I take it you’re bored?”

“A little,” he admits. “Pels’s family moved into the house on Friday, then left for Burlington. As far as I know, everything’s gone well up there; they weren’t back before I left the house today. Anita’s got my number in case she needs anything for the house while they’re renting it out this summer. Traffic’s been decent, so I’m maybe fifteen minutes from my Dad’s house now, and the silence is killing me. How’s your summer break going?”

There’s a delay before Mac replies, and her voice sounds determinedly cheerful when she does. “It’s a break. I’m thinking about my research, and the fact that my advisor is in Italy until the end of June and told me I can’t work without him there. Which means Mom thought I should come home for a while, and right now things are… awkward… with me and Dad. So. There’s that.”

When Mac says it, Dad means Senator Delwin Palmer. Pawel knows what that meant to Mac as a part of a secret government training program for Talented children, before she came to PHU. He knows that everything they learned about the government involvement in the creation of the soul-destroying Shadows has only made her relationship with her stepfather more difficult.

He makes a small noise. “Are you going back to PHU soon?”

“Mid June, so I’ll be here about three weeks. I’m going to take my brother to the festival when Rory and Thorne are in DC in a couple of weeks, and I’m spending most of my time in the museums and libraries in DC until then.” She exhales. “I’ve thought about going to see my father, but I think that’ll be the weekend that I drive back up to PHU. I’ll just stop in to visit him in the city while he’s got some time off work.” Mac hesitates, her words more forceful when she asks, “How long are you planning on staying with your dad?”

Fine, Pawel will accept the change of topic, changing conversational directions at the same time as he takes the exit into town that will lead to his childhood home.

Sort of. It’s not the same house he grew up in, but it’s close to the same neighborhood.

“I don’t know,” he admits. “I’m on leave for the summer. It’s not a sabbatical—they don’t do that for less than a year, and right now they won’t let me go for a whole year until the department has more experienced faculty. But it’s a paid leave and I’m supposedly researching my next book. The thing is, Dad doesn’t have a lot of space since he moved into the retirement community. I’m going to be crashing on his couch. Conor’s got the bed in the guest room.”

“Sounds great for your back.” Mac laughs. “You’ll probably still sleep better than you did for most of the spring.”

“Probably,” Pawel agrees. “I think—” He stops abruptly, because that makes it sound like he has a plan in place. “I’m going to play it by ear. Conor’s made friends there, although he’s clearly missing Alan and home, too. Everyone keeps telling me that I need to just stop trying to fix things and take a break. Including a voice in my head that sounds suspiciously like you.”

“Good to know my voice has infected your brain, like the way I hear yours saying ‘commit to the kick’ whenever I’m sparring and going for that head kick against a much taller opponent,” Mac says dryly.

“They’re all taller than you.” Pawel takes a series of turns, remembering to turn left instead of right at the critical intersection. He slows down; there’s no one else on the road behind him to annoy, and he’s not quite ready to arrive yet.

Mac sputters. “Rude.”

“True.”

“Fine. True,” she agrees. “Taekwondo is a sport for tall people. I’m just a good jumper, and before you say it, no, I’m not teleporting to get there. Most of the time.”

He rolls down the road towards a four-way stop. There’s a sign across the way proclaiming the entrance to Hart Acres. If he turned left, he could make his way to the police station where his dad works, and right would loop him back behind his old neighborhood.

Straight takes him into his dad’s new life in a retirement village where half the people who live there aren’t actually retired. His dad’s been living there for a year, and Pawel’s not sure when he’ll finally step down as Police Chief. He likes his work far too much to give it up.

Dad says it’s easier to keep working when he doesn’t have to worry about the little things like mowing the lawn. Hart Acres takes care of that for him.

Pawel’s pretty sure Dad’s going to work until he has both feet in the grave, and then he might just keep going.

“Hey.” Mac’s voice is low. “Did I lose you?”

Right. He was having a conversation.

“I’m just about there,” Pawel admits. “There’s an old lady walking her fluffy dog down the street. I guess I should hang up. Focus on finding the place and not hitting the two people that are in the middle of the road having a conversation.”

No exaggeration. Now that he’s pulled into Hart Acres and is following the first traffic circle he encounters around to the second exit, there are small knots of people gathered everywhere. Including two smack dab in the middle of one of the side streets.

They see him looking and lift their hands in cheerful synchronized waves.

“I am really not ready to see my dad as the kind of guy who needs to be surrounded by old people looking for a social life,” Pawel mutters. He makes a disgruntled noise when Mac snickers.

He’s in front of the house before he can say anything else.

“Go,” Mac says. “Hug Conor for me, and tell him to work hard. He’s still in school, right?”

“Another three weeks, yeah,” Pawel says. “I might take him out for a day on Friday to head up to Buffalo for Rory and Thorne’s tour, though. It’s a holiday weekend, so maybe the school has the day off—they do weird things with snow days sometimes. Although the weather was strange this winter and they might not have the extra days.”

“Nikki would apologize if you need her to,” Mac says. She’s quiet for a moment. “Hey. You really should take the time to rest. Let your dad be the parent for a little while. Enjoy being home, and with your family. You don’t have anything you need to save right now. The world isn’t ending. Just have fun for the summer.”

“Only if you promise me that you’ll rest, too,” he responds. He wants to say that he understands that it’s not that easy. He understands that talking to Delwin Palmer is going to be complicated, and that putting herself back in that environment only brings the PTSD out in full force. “You can always call me if you need someone to talk to.”

“I’ll let you know when I’m back in the area,” she says. “Maybe we can get together and spar. I’m taking a break from organized classes while I’m home.”

Her old dojang isn’t full of happy memories like Pawel’s is.

“Sure, we can do that.” He catches movement out of the corner of his eye; the door to his father’s unit nudges open. “Conor’s coming out. I need to go.”

“Bye, Pawel. Rest.”

“I will,” he promises.

The music blares for a moment after she hangs up; he turns the key and silences it. He manages to get out of the car as Conor races around it and slams into him, hugging him hard. Pawel wraps his arms around him, and exhales as he feels the familiar crackle of Conor’s magic around him.

“I missed you,” Pawel murmurs. His hand is between Conor’s shoulder-blades, and it feels higher than it used to rest in this same position. “Did you grow in the last two months?”

“An inch since he arrived.” Dad stands on the lawn next to a girl about Conor’s age that Pawel doesn’t recognize. Her mouth is pinched and her brows furrowed. She has her arms crossed tight across her chest as she leans forward, a myriad of braids falling forward across her shoulders and down her back. Dad puts a hand on her shoulder, and she straightens up, shoulders relaxing. “I started a growth door for him here. We’ll need to get a mark on it for you so he can see what he’s aiming for.”

There was a piece of trim in Pawel’s childhood house that had marks for every few months of his age, from toddlerhood to adulthood. He wonders if the new owners painted over the careful notes made in his mother’s hand, and the messier ones his father wrote after she passed away.

“I had Dziadziu put Emma on the door, too.” Conor slips from Pawel’s hold and grabs his hand, dragging him towards Dad and the girl who still watches warily. “This is Emma. She’s in my class, and she’s a Weather Witch, and she’s my friend. We’re both new here. She’s talked to Alan with me.”

“I know they’re married,” Emma says with a heavy sigh and an eyeroll. “Conor’s not my boyfriend. I don’t want a boyfriend.”

“You say that like people have been trying to tell you that you can’t be friends because you’re a boy and a girl.” Pawel stops in front of her and holds out his hand solemnly. “Hello, Emma. I’m Pawel. And don’t worry, I understand that most people are full of shit. Right now my best friend is a girl and I can assure you I have no romantic intentions towards her whatsoever. And if I did, she might kick me in the balls.”

Dad makes a strangled sound.

Emma tilts her head, brow still furrowed. “I’m pretty sure you shouldn’t say that people are full of shit.” She takes his hand and looks at their joined hands in some confusion, then drops it again. “But you’re right. They are. Come on, Conor.”

“I think you’d like Mac,” Conor says as he walks by Emma’s side and they disappear into the house. “She’s small but fierce. She used to be a gymnast and now she kicks ass.”

Pawel should say something, but he did just tell them that people are full of shit, so maybe he can cut him some slack for language this time.

“I did say that someday you’d be lucky enough to have a kid just like you,” Dad observes. “That said, Conor’s been a good kid while he’s been here. Getting good grades, getting his work done. He and Emma bonded straight off—her parents disappeared not long before you did, so they had something in common. Except, of course, you’re back and they’re not. She’s living with a foster family here.”

There are a dozen potential things wrong with everything Dad’s just said. Pawel rolls the thoughts around in his mind as he heads back to his car, opening the doors so that he and Dad can both take several things into the house. “Do they know she’s Talented?” he asks.

“You know where the guest room is.” Dad points through the living room and kitchenette to the small hall beyond. “Right at the end there. Just take Conor’s stuff down. We’ll put your things to the side in the living room for now.”

Conor pops his head out of his room just as Pawel arrives. “What do you mean for now? Aren’t we staying all summer? I thought we’d stay here all summer, Dad. Dziadziu said we could.”

There are times when Pawel wonders what their family looks like from the outside: three generations having three separate conversations in tangled instances, answering questions in random order. He can see where Emma sits on the bed, Conor’s tablet in her hands. She doesn’t seem concerned.

“I’m sleeping on the couch, Conor. We’ll stay in town, but we might need to get a hotel room. I’m going to need a bed eventually,” Pawel points out.

“I’ll move in with Emma. Her dads wouldn’t mind.”

“I don’t think they’d even notice,” Emma says dryly. “I like Conor better than Matt.”

“She has four foster siblings,” Conor stage whispers.

Emma looks up, gaze pinning him. “They aren’t my siblings. I’m an only child. We’re all just fosters in the same house, except Nevaeh and Jennie. I think they’re almost as good as adopted. Jennie doesn’t even remember her parents.”

For once, Pawel is the one getting whiplash from the swift turns in conversation.

“Is everyone Talented?” It’s the same question, asked a different way, and this time he throws it out there for anyone to answer. He drops the bag of Conor’s summer clothes on the bed, next to where Emma sits.

“Her dads are both Talented!” Conor bounces up onto the bed, almost knocking the suitcase off. “One’s Clan and one’s—”

“They aren’t my dads,” Emma snaps. She drops Conor’s tablet on the bed and stands up, her body shivering so hard that her braids shake. “My mom and dad are coming back. They aren’t my dads at all. I’m just staying there until—”

“My dad can find them.”

Emma’s mouth is slightly open, her voice a small squeak. “What?”

“My dad is really good at everything about Talented people. He’s an expert.” Conor nods quickly. “He’s so much an expert that he teaches people not to be stupid—uninformed,” he corrects himself, “about what it means to be Talented. He knows everything.”

“Not everything,” Pawel tries to stay, but Conor steamrolls over him.

“He just saved the world, and he’s friends with Clan and with Mages, and we know this entire commune of Mages up in Burlington and if anyone can find your parents, he can,” Conor says firmly. “You’ll do it, Dad, right?”

“I think I’d need a little more information before I can promise that,” Pawel says slowly.

“Your father is supposed to be resting.” Dad stands behind him, and Pawel doesn’t need to turn to know the look Dad gives Conor. He was on the receiving end of that look himself many times as a child. Dad continues, “The last time your father got involved in something, he disappeared and you came here.”

Conor’s mouth snaps shut, lips pressed and his cheeks flushed. “He came back,” he mutters. “He always comes back.”

Emma pats the bed and when Conor sits, she puts her arms around him and holds on. “Maybe mine will come back, just like yours did. Then your dad won’t have to go find them.” Her whisper is too loud to be entirely secret. “I don’t want your dad to disappear again.”

“Me neither,” Conor admits.

“Emma.” 

“Dziadziu!” Conor interrupts him. “Did you ask Emma’s dads—”

“They’re not my dads.”

“—if she can stay over tonight?” The sadness is gone from Conor’s expression as he bounces on the bed. “She’s got stuff in a drawer from the last time she stayed. She can get on the bus with me in the morning, and we can play games with Alan online later.” His gaze skates to Pawel. “If you say it’s okay, of course.”

It’s only been a couple of months, and Conor has somehow built himself a routine here. Pawel isn’t entirely sure how he fits into it.

It’s strange thinking about Conor growing up and growing apart from Pawel when his son is only nine years old.

“I talked to them,” Dad assures them. “But that means sleep tonight. It’s a school night, and I’ll be checking. No magic after dark. No surprise storms. No more rain indoors.”

“That was once!” Conor protests.

“Lights out by half past eight, and I want you asleep by nine,” Dad says in a tone that brooks no argument. “You’ve got plenty of time before then; we haven’t even had dinner yet. You might even be sick of each other by then.”

“Never!” Conor and Emma chorus.

Pawel has to wait for Dad to move before they can both slip out of the room, leaving the door cracked. “I’m glad he’s made friends here,” Pawel says quietly. “He and Alan are—well, I’d almost call them codependent sometimes. I was worried. But they both seem to be doing well.”

“Conor’s fallen on his feet, that’s for sure. He’s a lot like another child I once knew: just starts talking until he finds his spot to fit in. Might even have a bit of a savior complex.”

Pawel gives his father a dark look. “I do not have a savior complex. If I did, I’d have followed you into law enforcement, rather than going into academia.”

Dad smiles. “You’re still saving people. You just go about it in a different way on a daily basis. But it seems to me like you didn’t even hesitate when you found out your students needed your help. You can’t resist a puzzle.”

“Apple didn’t fall far from the tree, I get it,” Pawel mutters. “Fine, fine. We’re all peas in a pod, and a hundred other trite descriptive phrases. The Szczek men have similar traits.”

“Mm.” Dad leads the way outside, so they can retrieve the last few things from Pawel’s car. “Some of us have learned how to ask for help,” he says quietly. “Conor’s made himself at home in Emma’s foster house. He’s spent more than a few nights there, and yes, before you ask, I trust her foster fathers completely. One of them works with me. But that’s something you might want to think about this summer, Pawel.”

Pawel shoulders the backpack with his computer in it, and closes the door to his car. “What’s that, Dad?”

“You don’t have to do everything on your own,” Dad reminds him. “For the summer, you’ve got me. Think about what to do when you get home. The fate of the world doesn’t need to rest on your shoulders alone.”

It seems like everyone’s got something to say about his bad habits. The thing is, Pawel’s got help at home. He’s a single father; he knows he needs assistance sometimes. He’s got Alan’s family next door. Emily’s always willing to help out with Conor. But he’s also got… a lot of responsibility. He’s a professor, and a dean, and he leads Coven and the taekwondo team. 

Who the hell else is he going to rely on? Pawel does the things no one else is available to do.

“Don’t worry, Dad,” he says, because he knows it’s what Dad needs to hear. “I’m not going to overwork myself again. I’ll make sure I’ve got help.”

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[lunaleetarot]

Taurus 2021 Year Ahead Birthday Spread

Starting from the top clockwise, theme in the middle.

1. April 2021- Six of Wands

This April, you will have a lot of success. You have victories in all of your endeavors. You will receive recognition for your hard work. All the efforts you’ve been putting in this year will finally begin to pay off. This month you will begin to bask in glory. You may be looked up to as an authority. Your newfound success will make you a sort of celebrity or expert in your field. However be mindful not to let your pride get in the way when dealing with others. You may be dealing with a Leo a lot this month.

2. May 2021- The Tower

In May, you will enter a period of destruction. What you previously held as accurate will be challenged. It will feel as though everything is falling apart. Instead of May flowers, a rough road is ahead for you, Taurus. This breakdown will be a life-changing one. Bankruptcy, divorce, death, infidelity or serious illness can all go hand in hand with this card. Once all is lost, you will need to work hard to rebuild your life. This event will seem like it’s coming out of nowhere. This won’t be something you were expecting. For others, this may represent a time where your attitude will shock and surprise others. Perhaps you will have a drastic change in your point of view or you will start to cut others out of your life dramatically. Be careful not to be rebellious just for the sake of it. Non-conformity has it’s time and place. This card can also predict house floods and fires so be extra cautious with your fire safety. Although this will be far from a pleasant month for you, there is always hope for a better tomorrow. You will rebuild your life and grow stronger, Taurus.

3. June 2021- Five of Pentacles

As the sun begins to shine in June, you may be facing poverty or some tough financial times. Perhaps you're still recovering from the tower card outcome in May? If you're not money savvy you should speak to someone who can help you with your financial affairs. Do so before you get to the point where all is lost. Pay extra close attention to your health this month, make or keep any doctor appointments you have for this card is associated with illness and poor health. Keep Covid-19 in mind, consider getting vaccinated if you haven’t already. Although you will have some troubles in your life, your personal relationships will grow stronger from this strife. This challenging time will bring you closer to the people who truly care about you.

4. July 2021- Four of Cups

Boredom is ahead for you in July. As 4th of July fireworks fly, you may find yourself discontent with your life or current situation. Perhaps you are still dealing with the fall out from the tower card from May? The excitement in your life has fizzled out, you may feel like you're losing interest in your hobbies. You're going to have to do something to change the way you're feeling and get out of this rut. Spice things up, Taurus. If you have the means go on a vacation or take a day trip. Do not allow yourself to fall into a pattern of procrastination. Be mindful that boredom can lead to affairs, so if you’re in a committed relationship keep this in check. You may feel like you're suffering from a mid or quarter life crisis. Avoid coveting what other people have, especially on social media. Don’t waste time desiring things that aren’t meant for you. Count your blessings and be grateful for what you do have. You may be dealing with a Cancer this month. The 11th-18th of this month may be significant for you.

5. August 2021- Eight of Pentacles

This is a card of mastery. You will soon be recognized as a master of your craft. I feel you have taken those ill feelings with the four cups last month and honed in on a skill. This is often a card of apprenticeships. What you have previously done as a hobby is now something you're making cash on. You may even be able to make a full time living at it, or at least close to it. You're leaving the rat race for greener pastures. You’ve spent July thinking over what you want and now in August you're working towards it. You may find teaching your hobby to others is a lucrative career path. This may mean furthering your education or looking for jobs in that field. However don’t become too dictatorial in how you go about things. Don’t waste time bragging to others. You may be dealing with a Virgo this month. The 26th-31st may be significant for you.

6. September 2021- Six of Cups

The past may resurface for you this month. If you're wondering if your ex could be coming back, the answer is yes. If this is something you long for, this will be a positive thing. However I don’t think this will ring true for every Taurus. This card can also mean you will expand your family. Old memories will resurface from your own childhood, making you yearn for a child or more children. You may visit back into the house you grew up in or visit your hometown. This is a neutral card, but just be weary of old dramas coming back to haunt you. Don’t neglect the things or people you love, for they can leave or fade away.

7. October 2021- Justice

You may be dealing with the law and legality as we move into the spooky month of October. You may find yourself at the center of a court case. This doesn’t mean you have done anything wrong, but if you have broken the law I would be worried here. It could also mean your signing contracts or a lease for a new home or new job. Just be sure to read the fine print! Try to steer clear of any actions which are unethical or dishonest. You will get caught and have to face the consequences. With the Tower card in May, I feel this is most likely the case. Whatever you did in the Spring may finally be catching up to you now. Life can be unfair sometimes, and if you're waiting for justice you're going to need patience. You may be dealing with a Libra here. I feel the first half of the month will be very eventful for you.

8. November 2021- Nine of Cups

In November, you will finally start to see some wish fulfillment. This card often goes hand in hand with engagements and marriage. If committed your relationship will go the extra mile this month. You can be sure you’ve made sound investments with your time and money. Business plans will work out. Keep in mind getting what you want is half the struggle, you have to maintain it to sustain it. Good things come to those who work for it. Don’t overindulge without thinking of your future. Aim for a more balanced lifestyle. You may be dealing with a Pisces here.

9. December 2021- Three of Pentacles

Developing yourself will be your main concern this December. You may be looking into an apprenticeship or finishing the one mentioned above for the month of August. You're putting your god given talents to good use this month. Because you have natural talent, your skills won’t go unnoticed by those who matter. This will pay off, but you’ll need to push a little bit harder to get there. Don’t become too arrogant, just because you're good at something doesn’t mean there aren’t others who may know better. If others become jealous of you don’t resort to pettiness, just keep doing you.

10. January 2022- Ace of Cups

Pure and innocent love is coming to you at the start of 2021. This could mean the beginning of a new relationship. If that is the case then your love life will be of the utmost importance to you. However this card also represents childbirth and pregnancy. If it’s impossible you could conceive a child it could be someone close to you. With this card it’s likely the baby will be a girl! With the Ace of Cups you will have a brand new beginning, but it’s likely to come after a tragic ending. I feel that’s coming from the tower and justice card we’ve seen earlier in your year. Make time for friends this month, go out for drinks or dinner dates more often.

11. February 2022- Seven of Cups

As cupid strikes his bow in February, you will be faced with big decisions. Not only will you have lots of choices, but each will be valid. To complicate matters, most of these options are on a time frame. If you don’t act fast enough you will go from having many choices to none. This may be even more complicated for you because as a Taurus you don’t like to rush into things easily. It’s likely you're facing the opinions of others while you're trying to decide what’s best for you. Not everyone will have your best interest at heart, and you should keep that in mind as you're getting advice from others. Ask yourself if the people around you have their own agenda. This card is a neutral one. It’s not telling you what to decide, just that the decision needs to be made. This may make you overwhelmed and confused. You're going to need to work on your decision making skills. You may be dealing with a Scorpio here.

12. March 2022- Ace of Pentacles

As we move into March, you will begin to see the first signs of success. This is a message from the universe that lady luck is on your side for the time being. With St. Patrick’s around the corner, you’ll have the luck of the Irish on your side! The hard work you put in previously is beginning to show now. Perhaps you will receive your first paycheck from a new job or after a promotion. This won’t be some huge pay out, but the first initial signs of success. You have the foundation to build on great things if you're willing to put the work in. You may receive a gift of gold jewelry or an inheritance of some sort. Not a bad way to end your year, Taurus.

13. Theme of the Year- Three of Wands

Teamwork and opportunity are the main theme of this card, and I feel it will be for your year ahead too. Your lucky break could be many things, even something as simple as landing a romantic interest you’ve been crushing on. This year you will be presented with new work or business ventures. This is a card of trade and commerce. The trade you're involved in this year will likely expand beyond your local region, and move internationally. Perhaps you're expanding to an online platform. You may find yourself traveling for your job as well. Don’t be afraid to look for unfamiliar terrain for business opportunities. You don’t have to go with the same old same old methods you're used to. I feel this is especially important to note because as a Taurus you tend to stick to a routine and what you know works. You're going to need to cooperate with others and work as a team to achieve your goals this year. Another important fact to note since a lot of Taurus people like to work alone. In April and September you may be at the start of a promising romantic relationship. It will just be the beginning phases but there are signs of growth here. You may also have some minor grievances with the people in your life this year, try not to act rash or let them get the best of you. Keep your own actions under control, as we all know how the bull can get! In the Winter of 2022, you will be making purchases and small investments. New things will be coming into your life, and you may see financial increases. You may be moving into a new home at this time, or at least buying new furniture or renovating. You may need to invest in a new computer or smartphone, you will likely feel this is a big purchase but it will be worth it in the long run.

[vansmaybeonthewall]

Another One?

Masterlist

requests are open 

i did promise something to my fellow Misha’s and it has been fulfilled  

(don’t judge the choices I make, no God can tame me)

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“So get this. Lake Cachuma, California. Three men found dead with their ears blown out. All three found at the same place, at the edge of a dock leading into the water.”

“And this is our thing how?”

“Well, they weren’t taking some lovely vacation Dean. All three were found in their suits with a little note spilling their secret infidelities.”

“That’ll do it. Do we have a lead?”

“Yeah, Cassandra Peters. Senior at Santa Barbara High School, her dad was the most recent victim.”

“I hope you packed your bikini Sammy, California here we come.”

A Few Hours Later...

Yeah, it wasn’t sunny and warm as Dean Winchester expected. Cloudy skies and a light breeze greeted Sam and Dean as they arrived at the Peters household. Thunder rumbled in the distance, signifying a coming storm. 

“Still ready for that swim Dean?”

“Oh shut up.”

“I don’t think you’ll need sunscreen anymore, I know how much you hate it.”

“Sam-

“Um, can I help you?”

The argument came to a halt when a young girl opened the door.

“Cassandra Peters?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you mind if we talk to you about-”

“My dad’s death? So does everyone else, so how are you any different?”

Sam and Dean were left speechless. Sure there were people who were defensive after a family death, but a teenage girl? Usually, day old mascara streaks could be seen with red, teary eyes. But Cassandra Peters? Her face was void of any emotion with dull eyes. 

“We know what it’s like,” Dean started, “to lose someone.”

“Yeah well, do you know what it’s like to learn that that person wasn’t someone you knew?”

“We understand if you don’t want to talk about it, nobody does, but sometimes it’s easier to tell someone how you actually feel.” Sam hoped that was enough to get the girl talking. 

She looked slightly guilty, I mean, they looked like nice guys. 

“Look, I’m sorry. A friend of mine taught me to stop the tears with being an asshole. I don’t see how it works or how she does it, but I guess it’s a coping mechanism. Not for me I suppose.”

“Believe us when we say we understand.”

“Well, seeing as you’re still here, ask away.”

“Okay, was there anything strange that occurred around the time your dad died?”

“Well besides the weather, I don’t think so. Like the two before, a rain storm hit without warning. The streets flooded, you could barely see in front of you.”

“What about your dad? Did he seem strange to you?”

“Yeah, maybe two days before he seemed nervous, scared. He kept saying someone was following him. Some girl in a white dress.”

“Did he say what she looked like?”

“You see, that’s the strange part. He said he saw Y/N, which is weird because she was with me or in rehearsal. And there is no way Y/N would skip rehearsal.”

“Do you know where we can find Y/N?”

“She should be at rehearsal now actually. She’s not in trouble is she?”

“No, we just need to check up on her, have a little chat.”

“She’s at the high school, but be careful, she really doesn’t like being interrogated about her parents or any family related subject. She gave me the tip of being an asshole instead of being depressed, still not seeing how that works.”

“Can we ask why?”

“Her step-dad was the first victim.”

“Right. Well, if you think of anything, give us a call. Even the smallest thing can help.”

Dean handed her the famous “business” card, which made Cassandra do a double-take. 

“Sam and Dean Winchester? As in Y/N Winchester?”

“Sorry?”

“Y/N Winchester, that’s who I’m talking about. You have the same name. Now come to think of it, you guys kind of look alike.”

Cassandra pulls a picture from her phone.

“This is Y/N.”

Sam and Dean share a look, one between shock and nervousness.

“Would you, uh, would you mind telling us about her?” Dean asked, afraid to know the truth. 

“I don’t see why not, this is some TV shit. But you should probably come in, the rain won’t be getting any better.”

The Peters household was quiet and empty. Even with all the lights on, the house was dark. What captured the brother’s attention was the pictures of Cassandra and Y/N. 

“So what do you wanna know?”

“Anything really.”

“Okay. Y/N Marie Winchester, where to start. Born June 25, 1989, she’s a Cancer. Tall, like you two. She has the kindest eyes, when she looks at her it’s like she can see into your soul. She acts tough at first, but once she lets you in she’s one of the funniest people you’ve ever known. Oh, absolutely hates dresses, her favorite things to wear are flannels and her leather jacket. God that leather jacket, she never takes that thing off. She loves to sing, always has. She doesn’t like to get close to people, it’s like she’s afraid they’ll get hurt or that maybe she’ll have to leave them behind.”

Sam smiled softly and Dean held a thoughtful look, Could there really be another Winchester?

“Wait, she has your smile. And she has that same look when taking a test. Do you really not know if you’re related?”

“No, no Y/N Winchester has came up.”

“Well, I’ll take you to her. One, I’d love for Y/N to have her family. Two, I need a source of happiness and this family reunion will do it.”

“Lead the way.”

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“Okay, one more run through ‘World Burn’ and that’s a wrap. Y/N you ready?”

“Always.”

“Alright, from the top!”

Approx. a minute or two later, idk time 

As the trio made their way to the theatre, Cassandra could hear the chorus. 

“Come on! We’re gonna miss the best part.”

Lucky for them, they made it before the big note. 

“Gotta love a woman in power. Wait here, I’ll bring her to you.” Cassandra jogs towards Y/N as she jumped offstage. Greeting her with a hug, she explains her predicament. 

“A sister,” Dean started, “we might have a sister?”

“With the world we live in, I don’t find it impossible Dean.”

“But why would Dad-”

“Sam, Dean, this is Y/N. Y/N, this is Sam and Dean. Winchester.”

“Okay, I get that, but that doesn’t automatically make us related Cass.”

“Stop being hard-headed. Why don’t you guys talk it out? I’ll meet up with Jessie. See you later jerk.” With that, Cassandra took a U-turn towards another student.

“Bitch.” Y/N called after her. She turned towards the two giants, making a face at their surprised ones. “What?”

“Nothing, do you mind if we talk to you outside?”

“I don’t see why not.”

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“Holy shit! Is that a 1967 Chevy Impala? Please tell me it’s yours, I’ll tell you all my life secrets if it is.”

“Uh, yeah, it is.” Dean stuttered. The information the brothers were learning kept hitting them in the face. Is she really a Winchester?

“Yes! Let us congregate at this lunch table and I’ll spill my tragic life story.”

“So, you sing?”

“Yeah, best thing that’s ever happened to me. Everyone says I took it from my mom, but who knows, not me that’s for sure. Me and Cass are also in a band, which reminds me, I have to be somewhere in two hours, so if we could do this a little fast that would be great thanks.”

Dean, unlike Sam, wanted to get straight to the point. Why ease into the subject when it is so painfully obvious she’s a Winchester?

“What do you know about your dad?”

“Not much really, I just know he took off before I was born. I lived with my mother until I was about 5. Then my quote unquote “dad” came back into my life and my mother disappeared. Stayed with him for about a year, met a lot of strange people, and I was finally dropped off with some random couple here. Terrible parenting, but here I am alive and well I guess. But he did leave me some sort of book, more of a copy.”

Both brothers were intrigued in her life story. A strange life, a Winchester life. Y/N pulled the book out of her backpack, but when she did her shirt allowed the top of the anti-possession tattoo to peak out. Everything was pointing towards the fact that the three were related, but we can’t have any stones left unturned can we?

“Did that book say anything about your dad? A name, a picture maybe?” Sam was anxious.

“There was a letter when the book was first given to me with the initials J.W. but that’s it. I don’t think he wants to be found.” A solemn look crossed her face. “Well, that was fun, but I have to go.”

“Wait-”

“Look, you guys seem nice and it would be cool if we were related somehow, but I have a place to be. You’re welcome to come by though. I’ll give you my number, and maybe we could talk tomorrow. I should have more time seeing that it is Saturday tomorrow. It was nice meeting you Sam and Dean. I hope you find what you’re looking for.”

As she walked away, Sam and Dean formed a plan. First, kill whatever monster terrorizing the town, then find out who the hell Y/N Winchester was.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So close, but apparently so far. Upon looking in the journal, Sam and Dean found  a new monster, a siren. And though the monster seemed to be a siren, something wasn’t right. The bleeding ears made no sense. No siren case had bleeding ears. However, banshee cases dealt with bleeding ears, but no bodies near water. There was only one answer.

Break time. 

Y/N had sent Dean a message about the bar her band would be at, so the brothers decided to find out as much as they could about the girl before heading there.

“Dean, there’s nothing in the journal and I’ve read through it twice, what else are we missing?”

“Missing...missing...missing! Sammy, you’ve outdone yourself.” Dean reached into his pocket and pulled the stolen letter.

“Dean!”

“What! It slipped out of her journal.” Bitchface. “Okay, maybe I slipped it out of her journal, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that we can compare Dad’s handwriting with the letter. And then you can hack into hospital records to find her birth certificate.”

“I am not hacking into the hospital records.”

“Oh c’mon Sammy, don’t you want to know who she is?”

“Of course I do, but I don’t want to get arrested while doing it.”

“Whatever, just give me the journal.”

Dean was only going to skim over the handwriting before something caught his eye. Information that wasn’t shared lay on the paper. The J.W was obvious on the bottom, but what caught his eyes were his name, Sam’s name, and an unfamiliar one. 

“That little bitch.”

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It took too long, it took too long, it took too long For you to call back And normally, I would just forget that Except for the fact it was my birthday My fuckin' birthday

Sam and Dean entered the bar, a bar that apparently allowed teenagers in, and spotted Y/N on the small stage. They could see why she needed to leave, not only to get them off her tail, but for all the other students partying their asses off.

We got along, we got along, we got along Until you did that Now all I want is just my stuff back Do you get that? Let me repeat that I want my shit back  

“So what’s the plan?”

“One we have to get her away from everyone else. Two, we can’t let her out of our sight. Remember what Cassandra said, the weather aligns with a body being found the next day. And since we don’t know the next victim, we have to hold Y/N hostage somehow.” 

“Where do we take her? She’s not going to abandon her friends Dean.”

“I don’t know, tell her we found something about Dad or her mom. Technically, we’re not lying, so don’t feel bad about it.” 

“Yeah, yeah alright.”

The two parted ways, searching for inconspicuous exits while watching Y/N. Though, it didn’t take long before Y/N spotted Sam. 

“Hey Sam, glad you made it. Where’s Dean?”

“He’s around here somewhere. Look, I needed to talk to you about your dad. We think we found something.”

“Now?”

“Yeah, I mean, if you can.”

“Now’s not really a good time. We can’t pick this up tomorrow?”

“It’s ki-” “Sammy!”

“Oh hey Y/N, mind if we talk to you for a second?”

“I can’t leave-”

“Yeah, but we really need to talk to you.” Dean had a smug smirk holding up the letter. 

“Fine.” 

Outside...

“So Y/N, you got anything important to tell us?”

“Nothing you don’t already know Dean.”

“Wrong answer.”

“Dean-”

“No Sammy, she needs to start telling the truth before someone gets hurt. Like little Cassie’s dad or Jessie’s dad.” 

“What do you want from me Dean?”

“You see, we were here on a case, but I bet you already knew that. Three people were killed, your step-dad, Matthew Jacobs, and Holt Peters, but you already knew that. All three said they saw a girl in white, and what do you know, it was you. We thought we solved the case, but nothing fit the banshee or siren profile. Imagine my surprise when I find my name along with Sam’s and a little gift. Athena Drea, some hybrid between a banshee and a siren. Fits the profile doesn’t it? Oh but that’s not all, Dad knew her, dear old John Winchester knew your mommy. And I’m betting that she disappeared because her time was up. What I don’t understand is your name? Why were you blessed with some form of mom’s name? What is so special about Y/N Marie Winchester?”

Angry tears streamed down Y/n’s face.

“Congratulations Dean Winchester. You figured me out.”

“Y/N-”

“No, it’s fine Sam, he’s right. What’s so special about me? The fact that I have no parents? That I have my mother’s powers? That I’m related to you? Nothing good comes with being me. There’s always a catch. Those people I killed? They tried to kill me first. Those lies about cheating, made them up. Yes it’s sick and twisted, but I’m still alive right? I’m lucky? I tried to protect you from knowing me, from being related to me. Why do you think I never reached out to you? Everyone around me gets hurt. My friends don’t know me like they think they do, I killed their dad! There is nothing special about me, and god if there is, I’d really like to know. Because all I know is that I’m a screw up with no family. So forgive me for running and lying.”

She tried to leave, but an arm on her shoulder prevented her from doing so. 

“You two should go, leave before something else happens. There’s no monster to kill, but I’d gladly let you kill me. That wouldn’t be the worst thing that’s happened to me.”

“Y/N.”

She shrugged his hand off and started to run.

“Y/N!”

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“You were right, I should have never gotten attached.”

It was dark, the only source of light came from the moon. The sounds of the lake calmed Y/N from the harsh argument. 

“People got hurt.”

The quiet brought her peace.

“Some were innocent. Cass and Jessie, they didn’t deserve their family to fall apart.”

It took Sam and Dean quite a while to find Y/N. 

“I met them. Sam and Dean, they seem nice, but I screwed up mum. I lied and I don’t think they like me much anymore. It was nice to know that I had family out there. I know dad told me in the letter, but I didn’t think we would meet. You know how it goes, hunters and monsters don’t mix.”

Sneaking behind her wasn’t easy.

“I don’t understand mum. I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t stay here anymore. I’ll have to leave and I won’t have anybody anymore.”

“You have us.”

She whipped around to find her brothers awkwardly standing there. 

“What do you two bozos want?”

Sam took the initiative, “We want you to come with us.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re family,” Dean surprisingly said, “and family means no one gets left behind.”

With that, the three had a slightly awkward, yet welcomed group hug,

Hours later.....

Everything was sorted. Y/N was leaving with Sam and Dean, and it was exciting. No more school, Sam sort of disapproved on that. A constant road trip with her family. Although, they would encounter many obstacles in their journey. 

Only one thing was left in Y/N’s mind. She sat in the backseat of the Impala and couldn’t resist it any longer.

“Hey Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“Did you just Lilo & Stitch me back there?” Sam laughed and Y/N started to giggle.

“Shut up.” But he looked out his window with a smile.

She really was a Winchester.

[punkpoemprose]

December 6th- Fuck 2020

Universe: Modern AU Rating: M (Mature, a little explicit, this is porn without plot for the most part) Length: 4383 Words A/N: The title says it all. This fic is about Kristoff and Anna having sex on New Years Eve. TW: Mentions of COVID-19, quarantine, and generally the shittyness of this year. This is the last of my decades AUs. Hopefully someday someone will write something more flattering for the 2020′s.

Anna closed her laptop and collapsed back onto the couch. She was exhausted mentally and emotionally, but her body wasn’t tired enough to let her sleep. It had been what she’d been suffering with all year, or at least since March when the world had gone from its usual level of chaos to being utter and total bedlam. She still remembered the day she’d learned that her kids wouldn’t be coming back to the classroom, and the only slightly more terrifying day where she learned that they would, in fact be coming back.

Her head was still awash with words she’d never thought she’d need to say to a room full of five-year-olds. We have to keep our masks on. Remember, six feet apart guys, that’s like two big dogs in a line. No, I’m sorry, I can’t give you a hug. She’d had to separate desks, and clean and not wipe away little tears like she normally would when a child was having a bad day.

The kids, she thought, had held up better than she had. They’d listened as well as they could, they’d followed the rules as much as they were able, and they were kind about the policies in a way that even grown adults were not. But even with all the work they’d done, even with all the kids doing their best, the second wave had hit, and now they wouldn’t be returning to school until after the middle of January, and then when it finally came about, it would be online. There was talk of vaccines in the news, and while it gave her some small spark of hope, all the changes have meant turning her holiday break into lots of online classroom prep.

It still wasn’t the worst though, she’d rather be tired than sick, and she couldn’t help but relax a bit and listen to the shower running in the next room over.

Kristoff had been given the afternoon shift for New Year’s Eve, and as per their new normal, he’d stripped down at the door after returning to their apartment, tossed all his things into the wash, and was currently showering. In the beginning, before they’d known just how bad things were, before PPE was supplied to every EMT in the county, he’d caught it.

Anna had remembered the pain of having to see him so ill, watching him suffer through what was determined to be a “mild” case of the virus while he was sequestered to their bedroom and she spent the week sleeping on the couch and barely seeing him at all except to occasionally bring him something to eat when he’d felt particularly weak. There was something particularly terrifying in watching the strongest person Anna knew, her rock, her one and only, barely able to take care of himself. He’d insisted the whole time, vehemently, that she leave to stay with her sister on the other side of town, be she’d been unable to bring herself to do it. She couldn’t and wouldn’t leave him alone when he was so sick she wasn’t sure if he’d make it through.

But, of course, he had. His voice had been strange and unlike him for weeks after he was cleared, and Anna had spent many nights in a cold sweat thinking about just how close he’d been to being in much worse shape. They’d started their procedure then, come in the door, take off your clothes, wash anything that went into work with you, and then shower. She’d done it too, but to less of an extreme because while she’d been around kids who had potentially been sick, he spent every day with Sven facing the positively ill together and trying their best to keep them well enough to get to the hospital.

The mental strain it was putting on them, Anna having to worry everyday about him getting sick again, or one of her students or even herself catching it was a lot. But Kristoff, kind and wonderful man that he was, kept checking in at the hospital to learn whether the transports he and Sven had brought in had made it. She saw the darkness in his eye, behind his attempts at levity, on the days where they lost someone.

The water shut off, and Anna let herself imagine him behind the door, stepping out of the shower, putting his towel on, walking over to the mirror to shave and comb his wet hair. He’d started keeping it shorter than usual as a precaution, and while he always looked handsome, Anna missed the days where she’d been able to put short braids into his hair and then comb them out with her fingers. She missed the days where he’d come home, flop onto the couch and that would be the end of things until one of them made dinner.

“Hey,” he said, as she heard the bathroom door open and shut, “Are you asleep or?”

She opened her eyes and tipped her head, looking at him from across the room. He was dressed in sweats and a t-shirt, nothing fancy because of course, despite it being New Year’s Eve, they weren’t going out anywhere. She was dressed similarly, but overtop her plain shirt, she’d thrown on her nicest cardigan, creating the illusion for the videos she’d pre-recorded, that she wasn’t on her couch in her pajamas, but instead was dressed in full teacher gear and was to be listen to closely.

“I don’t think I can do an early bedtime tonight,” she said, “Or even a nap. I have to be awake to see this year end.”

He laughed, but it wasn’t so much the sort of laugh he did when he thought she was being funny. It was much more of a chuckle, as if he were going to follow it with an expression of agreement. They both were rather done with the year, just like everyone else they knew. No one wanted to be living through a pandemic.

“Just imagine,” he said, “Maybe next year we’ll actually be able to go on a date or something.”

“Or,” Anna replied sadly, “Actually be able to reschedule our wedding.”

They’d planned a June wedding the year before. It was going to be a small affair. Just his family, Elsa, and some friends from work. They were going to have it at a ski-lodge in the mountains that also doubled as a summertime spa and nature retreat so that it would be like a vacation for everyone who attended. She could still imagine the way that they’d wanted to decorate the place, all sunflowers and mason jars and white ribbons. She had bought a dress and everything, and it was still stored in her sister’s bedroom closet.

They’d pushed it to August, but had given up on it past that, knowing as soon as September hit and she returned to school with in person students, that nothing would be changing anytime soon. Even her hope for the next year was a tentative thing, like a butterfly with a broken wing trying its damnedest to fly.

“Fuck 2020,” she said quietly, noticing the way he frowned at the mention of their cancelled wedding. He’d been looking forward to it as well, and she knew that this year had been just as upsetting for him as it had been for her. She tried not to swear very often, particularly because she was worried about being able to censor herself around the kids, but ultimately, the year deserved a middle finger and some very strong language.

He crossed the space and took her laptop from where it rested on her stomach, placing it carefully on the coffee table before he scooped her too, up and off the couch. He never had much trouble lifting her, but each time he did so unexpectedly, she was half afraid of falling. She flailed for a half a second in his arms, gasping at the change in height as it occurred.

“I’d like that,” he said with a grin, “The wedding. I know it’s just a formality, and that we’ve agreed not to do it at a courthouse or anything, but I’m so ready to call you Mrs. Bjorgman.”

“And have my students confused?” she teased, “Maybe you should be Mr. Arendelle.”

He laughed at that, but the shrugged and started walking in the direction of their bedroom, holding her bridal style as if it were already all over and done with.

“Why are we heading to bed?” she asked, only allowing herself a little hopefulness beyond her confusion. She knew why she’d like to be heading to bed, but maybe, she reasoned, he was just tired and wanted some company for a nap.

“You said, ‘fuck 2020’.”

She could see the cheeky smile on his face as he glanced down at her, still heading toward the bedroom, like a man on a mission.

“It sounded like a good idea to me.”

***

“So,” Anna said from her place below him on their bed, “In this analogy am I 2020 or?”

Kristoff laughed, and she was treated with a kiss on her knuckles as she obediently raised her arms up for him to remove her shirt. His laugh was one of the things that got her through the day, knowing that he could find humor in any situation, that she could make him laugh, was a blessing. It made things feel normal, and it was a joy for them both that they sorely needed.

“No. It’s more like we fuck each other, and we get a little extra enjoyment out of the year ending. Honestly, I didn’t think it through very much, I just wanted you and it seemed like a good excuse.”

That made her laugh, and she nodded appreciatively at the sentiment. She didn’t think that they needed to really contemplate it much as she was just happy with the opportunity to enjoy her fiancé for a little while.

“It’s a good way to pass the time until midnight,” she offered once she was free of her shirt, “I’m sure we’ll manage to keep each other awake.”

Her hands went up his shirt in return, letting her fingers travel over his the soft but muscled planes of his torso until he too removed his shirt, giving her better access to touch him as she leaned up to allow him to undo her bra’s clasps.

“It’s what? Seven?” He asked, tossing her bra in a rapidly growing pile of their clothes, “I can’t promise five hours straight, but I’ll do my best.”

His hands went up her sides, his thumbs rubbing appreciatively at the dips of her waist and across her ribs until they came up to he breasts. He cupped them gently first, and her hands moved to tracing up and down in spine in return as they found a comfortable position where she was somewhat seated in his lap, facing him. He pinched a nipple and she treated him to an appreciative moan and dragged her nails, lightly down his back.

They hadn’t had much time for intimacy as of late. Between what they both experienced at work and the stress of the holidays, even from a socially distanced standpoint, they’d mostly been using their bed for sleeping. It felt good for it to be put to better use.

“Of course, we’ll need to take a break for dinner. Maybe you’ll need a second shower with some company. I’m sure we’ll figure it out.”

The appreciative almost growl he made as he ducked his head down to her neck went straight through her spine and made her want to peel the rest of their clothes off and get down to business immediately. Shared shower or not, she already knew that she’d need to change her panties. If, of course, he was planning on letting her put any on before the next morning.

He squeezed and kneaded her breasts while his lips kissed down her neck and she allowed herself to surrender to his touch. Everything around her was Kristoff, his hands and mouth on her, the smell of his shampoo all she could smell as she tilted her neck to give him better access and shifted a hand up to his still wet hair. Despite him being fresh from the shower and in the cooler air of their bedroom, he was hot to the touch, exactly what she wanted as her hair stood on end from the temperature and his touch.

He moved lower then, his head ducking down to lave attention on her nipples as one arm wrapped around her back to support her leaning away and the other moved down, down, across her lower stomach and to the place where her waistband still sat.

“Off?” she asked, the word all she could form as she gave herself over to the sensation of his mouth sucking and nipping at her.

“Not yet,” he replied, barely moving his mouth from her as he answered and switched sides, leaving her wet nipple to pebble against the cold.

His fingers slid a bit lower still, under the waistband of her pants, but not into her underwear as he dipped her even lower.

His arm was strong at her back, keeping her aloft and exactly where he wanted her, even as she squirmed and bucked her hips against the hand that was moving closer and closer to her clit. She knew exactly what he was doing, but it didn’t keep her from jumping when his fingers grazed her through the fabric. He knew that she was sensitive, that he needed to work her up to his direct touch, let alone anything more. They’d had their fair share of quickies of course, but when he wanted things to last, when he wanted to see her come again and again, he worked her up first.

Anna moaned, and arched in his arms, not so much from the sensation, but from the promise it offered. He really was going to try to make this last all night long.

“What did I do to deserve you?”

“I ask myself the same question.”

She gasped as he slowly stroked his fingers up and down her, no doubt feeling how wet she was through her panties but not commenting on it. Instead, using his mouth to once again kiss down her body, moving from the valley between her breasts lower and lower, tipping her back onto the bed as he went.

Not to be outdone, Anna reached up to him as she was leaned back, letting her hands travel down and over his back, reaching for his rear and giving it a squeeze. He laughed against her skin, and she felt rather satisfied by the sound as he picked up the pace on her clit and kissed her navel. Her hands slipped forward then, moving across the waistline of his sweatpants, and dipping her fingers below them as he had.

It was a bit of an awkward angle, but she did her best to wrap her hand around him. It was a challenge, but it was worthwhile to hear his breathing quicken when she managed to slide her hand up and down over his already hard cock through the fabric of his boxers. She recalled the first time they had done this, what felt like many years before, but was just a little over a year and a half ago. She remembered touching him for the first time and being scared that she wouldn’t be able to take him. The thought would have made her laugh now, if it weren’t for the fact that his attention on her clit was making her gasp instead.

When his lips had kissed as low as possible in their current position, he sat up a bit and slipped his hand from her pants. He offered her a questioning look, as he always did, and Anna stroked him again in response, sliding her hand up and down his length and rotating her wrist a bit as she did so, knowing that it was what he liked.

“Off?”

“Off,” she replied, finalizing the unspoken agreement in words before adding, “You too.”

He nodded and she rubbed her thumb against his head before she too extracted her hand, giving him a small taste of what was to come. She fully intended to take him into her mouth if he would let her. It had been too long since she’d seen him fall apart like that, staring down at her with dark eyes and strong muscles trembling under the weight of his climax.

Maybe, she thought, she might even do it while he was laying down, so she could feel him under her and enjoy the building of tension in his body that always came before the release that left him panting and melting beneath her. She loved that he let her give him pleasure. There was so much he did everyday for her, all the care to not get her ill, the many nights he cooked dinner after a long shift, how he always listened to her stresses before offering up his own, and she liked to return his kindnesses in the bedroom.

He pushed himself up and off of her, pulling his pants down with one hand, using the other in a delightful display of his strength to hold himself aloft. He kicked them off a bit creatively, one leg at a time as if he were doing some kind of strange yoga, but never removing his eyes from her as he watched her buck her hips up and slide her own bottoms off.

He tossed them both somewhere to join their pile, and they were left, staring into each other’s eyes wearing nothing but their underwear.

She shivered a bit, both from the intensity if his gaze and the cool air around her. He noticed, his gaze softening as he lowered himself to her a bit and pressed a kiss to her lips. She responded by tipping her head up a bit, deepening the kiss as her arms raised up to wrap around his back and pull him down onto her.

“I’ll have to see if I can warm you up,” he said, their temperature differences more evident as his chest pressed into hers.

He was making a valiant effort, despite her pulling him down, to not crush her under his weight. There had been occasions where he’d allowed his whole weight to press down onto her, and while she didn’t exactly consider him light by any instance of the word, he wasn’t ever going to crush her quite so much as he made an excellent weighted blanket when he wanted to be.

His tone was lascivious though. There was no doubt in Anna’s mind as his hips rocked gently into hers that his plan for warming her up included more of the touching he’d just been doing moments before. When he kissed her again and let his lips trail, once more down her body, lower and lower, she knew that there would be nothing so simple as a blanket in his plans to warm her.

When he reached the waistband of her panties he didn’t stop, instead mouthing at her through the fabric, causing her to call his name and tangle her fingers into his hair. She felt his breath on her, hot, the inhalations and exhalations adding to the sensation as his lips nipped carefully at her clit. He slid down after a few moments, pressing kisses to her labia and center through the fabric, nudging her bud with his nose.

He could be devious with his mouth, a fact that she took immense pleasure in. He could kiss her mouth and pussy with equal skill, and she knew it came from a combination of natural talent, and plenty of practice with her and only her. His mouth could bring her to heights she’d never been able to reach alone, and the anticipation of him doing so had her trembling.

“Do you want me to?” he asked, glancing up at her from between her legs, seeking permission as he always did.

“Yes. Always.”

It was all he needed, flashing her a smile as he hooked his thumb under her waistband and pulled.

She lifted her hips obediently and was rewarded with an appreciative squeeze on her rear as he tugged the fabric off her. When it got to her knees, he leaned back and she set her bottom back onto her bed, watching him whip the fabric off her legs and onto the floor.

She would not be looking for them, she decided ultimately, until laundry day.

He spread her legs a bit more and rearranged them both on the bed until she had two pillows under her rear, elevating her, and he was half kneeling before her.

Once the matter of fabric and positioning was settled, he set upon her like a man starved. Evidently the foreplay had been enough for him, and she already felt it was enough for her, when he kissed her clit again, and then set to running his tongue over her. He went from the bottom of her slit, tasting her and groaning in appreciation, up to her clit, his tongue teasing at her before flattening against her, moving down, and repeating the process.

Her hands, desperate to show him the same appreciation he was showering her with, reached out as far as they could to rub just her fingertips, less artfully, but no less effectively, against the bulge straining against his boxers. His groans only added to the sensation as he tasted her, the rumbling of it tangible as he licked and took her into his mouth. The sound mingled in the air with her own moans, and soon, she stopped being able to tell who was making which sounds.

His tongue darted between her folds and she rocked her hips into his mouth. He rocked just far enough back that she could no longer touch him, and as such, her hands held onto him in other ways, one hand wandering across his shoulders while the other tugged at his hair.

He added his fingers to the business after a short while, taking only a moment away from her to watch her face as he slipped his fingers along her entrance, coating them in her before he, with trained dexterity, slid them inside her and began the search for the place on her inner walls he knew set her closest to the edge.

He got a satisfied look on his face when her moans grew louder, when she pleaded with him and thanked him for the new sensation, and it was a grin that she saw last before his face descended, again, to mouth at her clit with new fervor.

It was only a matter of time before she fell back against the bed, pillows falling from under her rear as she went stiff, then limp, under the force of her orgasm.

She tasted herself on his lips when he kissed her.

***

“Three! Two! One! Happy New Year!”

Anna had been somewhat surprised that they made it to midnight, both of them thoroughly spent with the amount of time and energy they’d put into their private celebration. She wasn’t counting down with the people on the television though, she couldn’t even see them as she knelt before the couch, feeling Kristoff’s tensed legs at either side of her. She couldn’t count anyway, she had her mouth full.

She’d wanted to manage to get him to come right at midnight, thinking about how funny and gratifying it would be to ensure that her fiancé, the man she loved most in the world, started the new year out right. She supposed though, as she bobbed her head up and down, her tongue running up and down his length as she breathed through her nose, that he wouldn’t mind if it was just a minute or so late.

“Anna,” he groaned, his hand on the back of her head, not pushing but encouraging her to maintain her speed, “Baby I think I’m going to…”

She hummed, keeping up her speed, flattening her tongue against him and doing her damnedest to give him the same pleasure he’d given her earlier in the day. They’d done plenty in the hours between, but this was the first time for the day, and now for the new year that she’d pleasured him with her mouth.

She hoped that the sounds she was making were encouraging as his hips rocked almost imperceptibly, his hand that rested on her shoulder tightening as the one in her hair pressed a little more than it had been.

When he came for her, she could feel the shuddering of his muscles, particularly his thighs which she was using for support, even under the fabric of his clothes. They’d only recently finally donned clothes again for the first time since dinner, and she had decidedly not let it stop her, particularly when it was easy enough to shift the fabric down enough to suit her needs.

“Anna,” he repeated, panting as she too came up for air, swallowing him.

She could feel herself flush, and saw the blush mirrored on his cheeks. He was frazzled, and when she leaned up, using his thighs for support, to get a better look at his expression, she was surprised by his dipping down to kiss her lips.

“Happy New Year Anna,” he whispered, hands already moving on her, pulling her closer as he showed her his appreciation.

She couldn’t help but laugh, accepting her New Year’s kiss as he sat before her with his pants still askew. If it was an omen for the year, she was glad for it. She’d rather the year be an amusing one than the way the previous one had been.

“Happy 2021 Kristoff,” she replied, kissing him again and letting herself enjoy the sensation of his touch before reaching down to tug on his waistband, helping him readjust before turning to shut the television off and drag him off to bed.

They’d had a long, but very enjoyable day. The perfect way, she thought, to usher in the New Year.  

[wayhavnsfinest]

R&R

Reader convinces Cal to let the crew have some much deserved R&R. I was inspired partially by this and by my own need for vacation even though it’s only the second full week of school. As I wrote this I decided I am probably going to a Damon one as well. So stayed tuned for that!

Pairing: Reader X Cal.

You walk into the bridge as you watch the captain and his second-in-command verbally battle it out. The crew had just collected their third bounty in two weeks time, to say they were overworked would be an understatement. 

Cal pinches the bridge of his nose in exasperation as Damon slinks off to his room like an angry cat. 

You turn to Aya who was uncharacteristically quiet during the exchange. “What did I miss?” Your brow furrows as you try to decode the last of the argument you observed. 

“Damon basically completed a contract on his own and pissed off some hoity toity in the process.” Aya activates the ship’s autopilot as she turns to you. “Honestly under normal circumstances it wouldn’t be that big of a deal. However everyone is just exhausted and tempers are high because of it.” 

You definitely noticed the strained tensions between the crew the past week. Damon’s dark circles were darker. Cal’s frown lines were deeper. Aya was considerably less chipper. Bash was actually quiet. Only Ryona and June managed to remain calm under the additional pressure. You were tired as well. Your new “boss” had you working all sorts of odd jobs around the ship as well as additional hand to hand combat and weapons training.

 You bite your lip and rack your brain for a way to try to cheer up the crew.  “Hey, we’re not far from Teranium are we? What if we visited that oasis you told me about.”

Aya snorts and manages to grin at you. “If you can get grump ass over there to agree, I’ll set the course immediately.” She turns back to the controls to monitor the course as the ship sails on autopilot. 

In the short time of your exchange with Aya; Calderon managed to disappear. You wouldn’t say you were close to the former commander but you hoped you were friendly enough to convince the guy to let the crew take a break. You make your way to his quarters as you rehearse your case in your head.

After knocking on his door and getting no response you walk into his quarters. His door was unlocked, so it’s not like you picked it or anything, he can’t get too mad. 

“Can I help you?”

You look down to see a very shirtless, very agitated looking commander doing sit ups. 

“I knocked and you didn’t answer so I wanted-“ 

 “I didn’t answer because I wanted to be left alone.”

Yikes. Okay. 

“Just hear me out okay.” Damn he’s ripped. Like his muscles have muscles. You collect yourself and concentrate on those gorgeous baby blues of his. “The crew is tired. We’ve been working hard, we’re cranky. We won’t do well if we keep running ourselves ragged.” 

Calderon shoots you an indecipherable look. You continue. “We’re not far from Teranium, Aya told me about this oasis. It seems far enough removed where we won’t attract attention if we land there for a few days, but it’s also close enough where we can refuel and restock before heading out on our next contract. I think it would be really good for the crew to just take a few days and rest.”

You gnaw on your bottom lip as you wait for his response.

“Alright. You convinced me. Go tell your partner in crime that she can set the course. You can also tell her that sending you to do the dirty work, was a well calculated move and I respect that.” He gives you a small smirk and you feel your heart beat just a little faster as you make your way to Aya. 

Aya sets the course for the oasis and you smile triumphantly as she tells you the ETA.

It takes about 18 hours but you finally arrive at the oasis. Aya wasn’t hyping this place up for nothing. It is gorgeous, white sand, palm trees, crystal clear water.  Best of all, it is completely deserted. The Andromeda Six crew has the run of the place and you can already sense everyone relaxing.  

You watch as everyone splits off to do their own thing. Your eyes meet Cal’s and he gives you a slight nod, you interpret it as a sign to follow him. You walk over to him and take in the sight of the normally buttoned up captain in a tank and swim trunks.

“You up for a bit of swimming?” He asks as he shrugs off his shirt. You once again get a view of his physique. You make a mental note to ask what his arm tattoo stands for. 

“Sure!” You quickly shed your clothes and reveal your swimsuit underneath. You walk with Cal into the water and try to keep up with him as he leads you to an unknown destination. 

After a few minutes of swimming you get to a spot where you can once again stand. You take a breather and look around. Cal has led you to a shallow cave where small schools of exotic fish swim in the tide pools.

“Oh wow!” You are mesmerized by the colors of the fish. They are colors of periwinkle, lavender, teal, rose and chartreuse. You have never seen fish like these before and they take your breath away with their beauty. 

“They’re beautiful.” 

“Yeah they are, but they are nothing compared to you.”

You turn and look at the captain in shock. Did he really just say that?! 

“I know we didn’t get off on the right foot, but I wanted to let you know I felt. You haven’t had it easy, but you’ve taken it all in stride. You’ve handled your situation with grace and poise. I…” The captain takes a breath and looks at you. “I really admire you.”

You can’t help it, you close the gap between the two of you and kiss him passionately. You wrap your arms around his neck as he pulls you close and holds you against his body. The heat of your bodies and the coolness of the water has a small moan escaping from your lips. He takes this opportunity to have his tongue slip past your lips and battle yours for dominance, it’s not much of a fight as you surrender yourself to him.

Breathless you pull yourself away from him. “I really admire you as well Cal.”

Calderon smiles and kisses you again.

[yandere-ac]

How about Zell or Beau?

Yandere Zell X Reader X Yandere Beau

Family

Journal entry: 689, 11 June 2020

It’s now day 1460 since we last saw our dear mayor. The others are saying that they aren’t coming back. That we should all move on. But I still have hope, I know them. They would never leave me! We’re beat buds! But it’s getting harder and harder everyday to keep hope up. I will never give up hope, I’ll keep hoping. For their sake

Zell sighed as he closed his journal. This is how life has been for him, every day for the past four years. The only thing he looked forward to in the morning was the possibility of maybe, just maybe, his mayor and close friend would return. But he can’t keep fooling himself, no matter how hard he tried. He knew the chances of you returning were next to nothing. He was worried that something could have happened to you, but even if something did happen, by now it’s too late to do anything about it. Most of the other villagers had already accepted this fact, but not Zell. No, never Zell. He couldn’t accept the fact that he would most likely never see you again. So he tried to trick himself into believing that there was still a chance he would get to see you again, by now, that thought was the only thing that kept him sane. But no matter, there was the tiny part of his mind that kept saying that he would never see you ever again. But boy was he wrong.

It was another day in the village, the sky was filling to the brim with dark clouds. All of a sudden the rain that was filling the clouds started to pour down hard. Now, this wasn’t your usual rain, no. This was much more violent. The rain was pouring down like the streams going down a waterfall, and anyone who was still outside had to get in quickly. One of those people was Zell. As he slammed his door behind him he stood in silence for a couple of seconds, letting the water drip onto the floor. This was his favourite shirt, and now, just like his mood, it was ruined. He threw off his shirt as it landed on the floor it gave off a lout splat. That was the shirt you gave him. It was the last thing he had from you. And now it was ruined, GONE...just like you...

It all crashed down on him in that moment, the realisation that he would never see you, that you could be hurt or worse, left the island without even caring about what he had to say. He felt his eyes sting, knowing that feeling all to well. He tried to fan his eyes but when that failed it only made his eyes well up more. Before he could calm himself he collapsed down into the ground. Hot tears rolling down his face. He did nothing to stop them, he just laid there. Letting his dreadful thoughts take over him. He cried and cried and screamed and cried. And when he couldn’t cry anymore, he laid on the ground, letting his breath return to normal. And then he stood up, went to the kitchen to make some tea, and when that was done, he went to go watch some tv.

Flipping through the channels he found nothing to watch, or at least anything he liked. That was until he saw what appeared to be some sort of interview of K.K. Slider. “This oughta do it” he said, eyes still red from crying. The interview was about some sort of visit that K.K. Had recently done.

“So tell me Mr. Slider, is it true that you hosted a private concert on the island (I/N) completely free of charge?” (I/N)? Zell has heard about that island. It was the island were Tom Nook lived with his two kids. Or well, what he could only assume was his kids, they looked very alike. But other than that he didn’t know anything else about the island.

“Ayup, sure did Francis” K.K. told the interviewer.

“Well, could we ask you why mr. Slider?” The interviewer, Francis asked.

“They seemed cool, and I had a deal with Mr. Nook. Heh, 'deal'. It sounds so formal and almost like I had a gun held to my head, but I can assure you. It was really fun. (I/N) is a really nice island, I actually stayed there for a while before I went back home” K.K. said. As he told his story, a bunch of pictures came up on the screen. They were seemingly taken by K.K himself, and yeah Zell had to admit, the island certainly looked nice. There were beaches and fruit trees and the folks looked really nice an- OH MY GOD!!!

Zell quickly stood up, the tea he was previously holding falling down to the ground, smashing into thousands of pieces. But Zell didn’t care, his eyes were glued to the tv screen. There, right on the screen, were a photo of K.K. and a human. A human that he would recognise any were. A human that he had spent years of his life with. A human that he had spent FOUR YEARS yearning after. It was you. You were alive! And you looked so different! Your hair looked different and you were wearing different clothes. But even then, Zell could still recognise you. You were holding your arm around K.K.’a shoulder and smiling to the camera. Zell didn’t know why but this made him feel...something. Anger? Sadness? Irritation? Whatever it was. He didn’t like it. But that didn’t matter right now, what mattered was you were alive and out there, which meant he could find you! (I/N) was it? Well, maybe it was time for him to buy an island getaway package. After all of this, he needed a vacation...

Another day, another opportunity. Beau was sitting under a tree, eating a donut and thinking about life in general. That’s when he heard a voice call out to him. “Beau! Over here!” He turned his head to where the voice came from, smiling as he knew exactly who it was. And there you were, running towards him with a big smile on your face. As you reached him you sat down besides him, taking a few seconds to catch your breath. “What’s up saltlick?” He asked, giving you a smile. “Hi Beau, I wanted to ask you if you’d like to have a picnic with me, Timmy and Tommy later? We’re gonna eat lots of cake” as you told him this his eyes lit up with joy. “Would I? Of course I wanna join you! When is it?” He exclaimed putting his hoofs together and giving you a raid, happy nod. You laughed a little at this, classic Beau. So quick to fall asleep whenever but lightning fast as soon as you mention food. “Well, we were thinking it would be around 2 pm when the boys have their break, think you could make it?” You asked him, Beau only responded to this with more rapid nodding.

The two of you talked a little longer until it was time for Isabelles morning announcement. You walked near one of the speakers by the plaza to hear a bit better. “Good morning everyone! Isabelle here with your morning announcement. Today we have a new neighbour joining us, so make sure to give them a warm welcome from all of (I/N). That’s it for today, have fun”

Oh? “We’re getting a new resident? Did you about this Y/N?” Beau asked you, looking very confused. “No, I wasn’t informed about this at all” you answered heading into the resident service.

As you entered, the sound of a bell pinging slightly came from the door. This made a certain Tanookis ears perk up as he quickly turned to the door with a smile. “Oh, Y/N. Come in, come in!” He said, as you sat down he could see how curiosity was gracing your features, like a small child following their guardian to ask them what they’re doing. “Hmm? Is something wrong?” He tilted his head and you could see Isabelle walk towards the both of you. “Hello Y/N! How are you doing today?” She asked with a large smile. This made you chuckle slightly, she was so adorable sometimes. “I’m doing alright but uhh...is there a new resident moving here today?” You asked, wondering about this new islander. “Oh yes! He asked to move in here in as soon as possible, I think he said it was very urgent and that he would pay to get a spot on this specific island. I of course told him that there’s no need for payment. But yes, he’ll be arriving here shortly, in a few hours I think” Tom answered you, pulling up some papers out of a drawer. “His name was...Zell! His name was Zell and he’s a deer” this made your heart stop...Z...Zell? “Mr. Nook-“ “Please Y/N, there’s no need for such formalities” “Oh, right. Tom, could I perhaps see a picture of...Zell?” You asked him, Tom nodded and handed you the file. As soon as the file was in your grasp you started to frantically flip through the notes, looking for something that would indeed affirm your hopes.

“Sorry that I held up your picnic boys” you told the two small tanookies standing besides you. You and a bunch of other residents where waiting for Zell to arrive. You was the first one to sit down and wait. But over time Timmy, Tommy and Beau has joined you. And slowly, the entire island was sitting there in anticipation. “It’s alright Y/N ...ʸ/ᴺ. We would have had to cancel it anyways, we wanna welcome our new resident after all ...ᵃˡˡ” You smiles at the two boys, always so selfless. Your thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a plane flying close by. It was Wilbur! You stood up as the plane landed by the dock. You felt like you were about to explode out of both nervousness and excitement, if it hadn’t been for all the people here, you would have run into the airport. After a few minutes, you saw a figure come out of the airport. And just like you, he stood frozen there. It was him. It was Zell.

Without a word, you started sprinting towards him. And so did he. The two of you met in the middle and you crashed into a big hug. Tears started to pour out of your eyes. You were shaking out of pure joy. Zell embraced you so hard. Feeling like if he let you go, you would disappear once again. A lot of residents looked confused as they saw the scene before them. Even Beau could be seen with a slightly...irritation in his eyes. But after a while, you and Zell exited out of the hug. But you were still holding each other’s arms. You let out a shaky breath as you gave him a smile, only to be met with eyes filled with tears and despair. “Why did you leave me”

A single grade that made your heart split in two, he thought you had left him. “Zell, no I-I didn’t want to leave. It was purely against my will! Trust me! There wasn’t a day when I didn’t think about you, i searched everywhere but...” you couldn’t finish the sentence, voice cracking and even more tears poring out. Zell only responded by hugging you again. “Please don’t leave again...” “I won’t”

While the two of you were embracing each other. There was an antelope watching you, much to his dismay. How dare this deer come out of nowhere and just ruin his evening plans with y ou. You were gonna have a picnic with Timmy and Tommy, it would almost feel like you were a family, but no, this random deer just HAD to move in. It made him sick to his stomach. But he had to put on a fake persona, he didn’t want you to find out about his true emotions. Y/N walked up to the others, holding Zells hand, and started introducing him to everyone. So it seems you two had a background, way before Beau met you. That made him and but he knew you liked him more. But as Y/N was explaining the situation Zell came up and hugged her from behind very tenderly. This made Beaus blood boil to the point were he could barely keep it inside of him. He’d have to have a talk with this deer later.

It was nighttime now, you and Zell had been with each other the whole day, but now it was time to sleep. You said goodbye to each other and as Zell went into his home, he’d have a lot of things to unpack. But as he closed his door and turned on the lights he saw that Beau, the antelope from earlier were sitting by his boxes of furnitures. “Hello, Zell was it? I need to speak with you” Zell looked cautiously at the Antelope. Carefully planning his next move, like a feline ready to attack. “Who are you, how did you get in here?” Zell squinted slightly, still glaring at the person in front of him. “Beau, but that doesn’t matter. I wanted to tell you to stay away from Y/N. I don’t care if you used to be friends or something, but they’re mine now. So back off” Beau said, pressing the word friends as if the thought of that disgusted him. This made Zell chuckle, much to Beaus dismay. “Hey! Quit laughing! I’m serious!” He said getting more and more annoyed by the second. “Ahaha...listen pronk...you don’t know how long I’ve been without Y/N, how long I’ve yearned for them. And if you think I will EVER give them up just because of some empty threats from someone like you? Then you’ve got another thing coming. You don’t seem to understand how far I’m willing to go for Y/N. So unless you want to become a corpse, then I suggest getting the fuck out of my house”

This made Beau tense up a little bit. He hadn’t expected for Zell to bite back. He usually didn’t resort to threats when it came to keeping you for himself. But when he did, most people would stay away. He’d never actually had to hurt someone to keep you, but maybe this would be the first time. “Bad choice saltlick...” he got into a fighting stance, preparing to start butting his newfound rival. Zell also got down to prepare himself but then it struck him. “Are you close to Y/N?” He asked, slowly but carefully standing up straight. This caught Beau off guard, what? Why would he care? “Yes...we’re very close...how come?” And just like Zell, Beau rose up into his normal posture. “Hmm, then they would be very sad if you died...i have an idea” Zell said coming closer to Beau. ”Stay back!” Beau quickly felt like the tankes had turned. He came in with the confidence that he would convince Zell, but now he actually started to get scared. “Oh calm down you baby, I’m not gonna hurt you...as long as you comply, got that?” Zell demanded, Beau only only frantically in response. “Good...good. Now, let me ask you this Beau. When you see others talking to Y/N, don’t you feel a burning sensation in your chest? Don’t you feel like you want to get rid of them? Like you want to-“

“Lock Y/N up and keep them forever...yes...practically everyday...” Zell grinned at the Antelopes Quick response, he knew that hungry craving stare anywhere. Beau was lovesick, just like he was. But for the first time in Zells life, two lovesick people had fallen for the same person. And while sure, they could battle over who gets to keep you, Zell could use this- could use Beau, to his advantage. “Well, how about we help each other out. We both want the same thing don’t we? So instead of unnecessary violence, how about we put our brains and brawn together to get what we both want” Zell prompted, now walking around the room, looking at his boxesz. “Y/N?” “Bingo! That’s right, Y/N...”

Drip...drip...drip...

God...damn it...there was a persistent dripping noice coming from somewhere in your room. It had woken you up, much to your dismay. You tried to get up only to hear the sound of chains ring through the room. What? What was this. You starter to move more only to hear the chain noice even more vividly. Now you were starting to get scared. You were tied to a bed. Now you were full on thrashing and your heart was beating so fast. After a few moments the dark room filled with bright light, light that made you close your eyes before they got used to the light. Seeing who stood in the hallway made you oh so relieved. It was Zell and Beau, but the relive only lasted for a few seconds until you realized where you were. You were in Beaus basement. You had been there a few times, at least enough times to know that everything remained the same except for the bed you were chained to. It was a king sized bed, with you tied up in the middle. “Zell? Beau? What’s going on?” You asked, voice shaking slightly. Zell only responded to this by chuckling deeply, you could see Beau tense up behind him, ears going back out of...fear? “Why, my dear Y/N. You see last night our friend Beau snuck into my house in hopes of scaring me off of you. That of course didn’t happen” hearing this you let out a audible gasp, he did what. As you looked over at Beau he shrunk down onto his own skin, looking like a cat with its tail between its legs. “No, instead we were gonna fight to the death to see who would have you. But then, I got a better idea. Instead of this relentless fighting, why don’t we just share you!” As Zell said this, something crazy lit up in his eyes, you didn’t like it. “And that’s what we did! I’ve moved into Beaus place and now both me and Beau can keep you to ourselves! Isn’t it great Y/N?!” Zell was quickly approaching you, grabbing a hold of your face, forcing you to look at him. “Don’t you get it Y/N? This way I’ll never have to worry about you leaving me again! I’ve waited for so long to finally feel your touch again, and I’m not gonna let some other 8 residents take up all your attention!” As he said this he laid down on your right side, curling up around your body. Beau was still standing in the doorway, he looked very uncomfortable.

“...why...why me?” You asked, tears now pouring out. “Because we love you, dear Y/N” Zell answered giving you a light peck on the cheek. He looked over to Beau and smirked. “Beau? Are you coming?” Beau flinched a little when Zell said his name. But after a few seconds, he complied and laid down on your left side. You could see Zell move his hand to touch the arm that Beau had wrapped around you.

Zell wasn’t gonna lie, Beau was a cute antelope, very sweet and charming. But the cutest about him was how he thought he had any power in this situation. He found it adorable when he quivered in his presence, poor guy was probably terrified of him. But that’s good. After all, fear is the easiest way of controlling someone. He’d keep him around for a little while, for as long as he could. But make no mistake, if Beau did anything to step out of line, he wouldn’t hesitate to end his life. Meanwhile, you laid in between them, just the other day you were happier than ever to see Zell but now? Now you were terrified of this deer. What had happened to him? This wasn’t the deer you loved.

The deer you loved was dead.

This husk of him, laying next to you was the only thing that remained.

[theworldoffostering]

I really appreciate the thoughts of those of you who commented or messaged me regarding my post this week about Baby.

@fosterbeginnings wrote on a comment on one of my desperate posts last summer saying something about not making major decisions after a really long road trip. I can’t tell you how often in the past year I’ve thought about those words. In some ways, it’s such a small thing to comment on someone’s post, but those words have had such an impact on me and kept me going during that trip.

Y’all get it and even though I don’t know you or even you’re real identity, isn’t it amazing to have people in some sort of community that get it?

It’s possible that August holds some sort of trauma memories for our little guy. In his first year of life, it was when Mom relapsed and quit showing up to visits. In mid-July, Dad started getting visits. Poor guy had a lot of people in and out of his life during those first six months.

If nothing else, I think this is a hard time for me. I’m tired. I need a break. During the school year, I run harder than at least 90% of people I know (that’s not to say so many in the world are not doing more or that I’m proud of how much I go, go, go—it’s certainly not a competition and I am privileged in many, many ways). Again, I feel I’m writing to an audience that gets it—work, school, sports, all the therapy and specialist appointments, court hearings, etc. I try to make it a point to slow down in summer, but now I teach summer school (I never used to teach it on the principle that I needed the break), and there are still doctor appointments and therapy appointments, and court hearings that need to happen. Now add in the pandemic. Baby has been home with us 24/7 with NO break at all since then. I am staring down fall with a FT job and homeschooling at least several of our kids while having never had any sort of vacation or reprieve this summer from anything (again I know that sounds whiny with privilege). Last summer Baby went to daycare 2 days/week just so we could have a break.

We do have someone that started coming in the home in June to supposedly give us respite. However, we are still all home when that person is here, and it’s not working super well, as they can’t get a handle on him so he ends up running the show and literally running them in circles as they chase him. DH or myself have to step in constantly. So it’s something, but not really.

I have been taking him on a 3+ mile bike ride every morning for weeks. It doesn’t make a difference in his energy level. His bucket is never full. He talks nonstop (literally), and will do whatever it takes to get your attention (insert all negative behaviors here). He’s still regularly stealing toys, gum, candy, and breaking things for sport.

Our other kids are exhausted and we are exhausted. I can’t even imagine what this would be like without a partner. I feel like our three oldest kids are essentially being ignored because we are throwing nearly every minute of our day managing Baby. As a result, he is not well liked in our home by anyone (yes, I realize how awful that sounds, but I’m not one to shy away from the truth and this is not new information to the professionals that we work with).

I am afraid the childhood of all of our children is being ruined (Baby’s included). It’s hard not to second guess ourselves. Like, would he have been better off as an only child in a different adoptive home? Should we have made a different choice? Would that have been even worse for his attachment?

I reached out to an attachment therapist yesterday. I’m waiting for a return call. We have resumed OT with a person incredibly educated in attachment, and we have the early childhood guru working with us to try to train a couple of college students to come in and give us respite. What else is there? What else can we do? How can I spend time with our other kids? How do we provide them a childhood with love and happiness as opposed to yelling, negativity and them having to be hyper vigilant about anything that is important to them?

[golbrocklovely]

My curiosity is getting the best of me so i wonder, just based on interviews and videos Colby has done where he talks about this ex. Do you think his ex girlfriend whom he was in love with and claimed to be clingy with was the same one he cheated on because it seems like different people to me. In one video he said he felt the relationship ended because he was clingy and couldn't see himself not being around her without his day getting ruined. And he said he was so miserable when it ended he wouldnt leave his room. Basically this relationship consumed him. But the girl he spoke of in Sams vid he said he cheated because you could feel the relationship had run its course and they hadnt really been talking...In this last vid he said he's been heart broken twice so could be different people.

Just a thought and a whole lot of curiosity.

oh my god, sorry this is so long but i have a lot to say (and a little bit of proof maybe????)

it's so weird you bring this up, anon, bc i was literally gonna make a post of tweets colby has made over the years that are about love and whatnot, so i've been in the mood to talk about his love life for a while.

at first, i was more incline to think that the girl he cheated on and the girl he broke up with in 2016 were not the same, bc how can you say you're heartbroken from a relationship that you cheated on, you know?? but now, i do think it's the same girl.

let me explain.

looking at his tweets from 2016, you can tell he is in love bc a lot of them are really sweet and lovey-dovey. the tweets start around feb. and even a little bit before in jan., one of them reading “I like your face, that's why I stare” on feb 22. i think somewhere between feb-apr, he meets this girl and they start dating. he starts tweeting things like “I'll be here for you as long as you're always here for me” on march 22, and “All I see is you”, so you can tell he's already headed straight towards Love-ville, you know lol

what i think happened is that he and this girl were in love with each other, but he loved her a lot more than she loved him. he even claimed that he fell really fast in his previous relationship (which i think is this one). so i think what happened is, he fell for her really quickly, and even though she loved him, it wasn't the same or as much as he loved her. and as he had stated in the 'truth or drink' vid he did with sam, things were going downhill for about two/three months before they broke up. in june he's tweeting things like “I need you, don't let me down” on the 6th, and even “Flaky people ..” on june 27, which could be referring to his gf at the time. that same day even he tweeted “Oh my love, can't you see that you're always on my mind ?”, so i think to some extent it was this back and forth of 'i love you, but you keep pulling away from me and i'm tired/hurt from it'.

i think to some degree, he fell too fast and she was uncomfortable with it. so this is when she was starting to take a step back, maybe asking for space a bit, which is what he meant by when their plans would get cancelled, he would be upset. in july he's tweeting 'You don't understand how much you really mean to me' on the 14th and 'I won't let go' on the 30th. i think he could tell they were drifting apart, but he wasn't ready for it to happen.

by august, and no offense to colby if he ever see this, but he sounded kinda desperate but also really upset. i mean i would too if the person i was in love with was pulling away and i wasn't ready for them to leave (bc who the fuck is ever really ready, you know?). he tweeted “It's all because I care too much” on aug. 3, and “Your forever is all that I need” on aug. 13. he was also talking about needing a mental vacation a bunch, and even saying “Get rid of the people in your life who don't treat you right” by aug. 21. what i think is before he went to new york, his gf and him had a bit of a fall out of some sort, where maybe they said they should go on a break, step away from each other bc things weren't working out.

then, by aug 28, he tweets “Well hey NYC, you're looking beautiful tonight”. the next day he tweeted “"I'm no palm reader, but I doubt that's the sign I was looking for"” so i think somewhere within the those days, he might have cheated. also, no joke, on aug. 31, he tweeted “Protect your heart”, so by then, i think he had made his mind up about the relationship. he also had said in the 'truth or drink' vid, that even tho they were already kinda separated since they weren't really talking or seeing each other anymore, it was still cheating bc they were still technically 'dating' and hadn't broken up.

sept. 1, he tweeted "There's no turning back now". sept. 2, he then said "You know where your heart belongs as soon as you step back and just think. Have time to yourself" and "This trip has taught me so much.", so by this point i think they broke up. a couple days later on the 5th he tweeted "I need a girlfriend who's willing to be my best friend. Someone who cares for me just as much as I care for them. Someone who would go on insane adventures with me, and would wanna see the world. Both committed to each other. 100%. Someone who shows that they TRULY care", and then on the 8th "I can be hard to deal with sometimes. I get into bad moods that seem to change me as a person. I'm working on it. Only getting better", and then finally on the 9th "Someone come keep me company".

so to sum it up quickly, they got together early 2016, he fell really fast while she wasn’t falling as fast, she started pulling away and he got hurt by it, they had a fall out/pause in the relationship, he cheated on a trip, came back, and then they broke up.

hopefully this all makes sense. also, looking at his other tweets after this, you can tell the lovey-dovey feelings he once had weren't really there anymore, and he was a lot more closed off then normal. it took until 2018 for him to start opening a bit up again, but even then nothing fully stuck. personally, i think the other heartache is from before LA, like back when he was in hs, but it could have been something a bit more recent. maybe not someone he technically would have called a gf, but maybe someone he was hoping to be with but things fell thru? not sure entirely.

i also think he got his heartbroken first not by a girlfriend, but by a friend of his before he met sam. there a video where it is briefly mentioned and i honestly think that's why he has some trust issues, or at least that's where it started from. but if you want me to talk about that, just ask since this is already way too long lol