#I will drop someone if they fall into inferior negative in my eyes

[vain-creature]

Yeah for me its like

Inferior Person (Negative) - insert Hate monologue /lh. No but for everyone I despise

Inferior Person (Neutral) - I literally don't care about them. NPC's.

Inferior Person (Positive) - I like them despite their inferiority because they are beneficial/give me attention/some other criteria. Or I view myself as a mentor, shepherd or leader for them.

Equal Persons / Some Strangers (who have an unknown status until I make up my mind towards them)

Mystical Superior Person (not found in the wild, an unicorn)

npd is funny bcs not everyone in my inner circle is necessarily an equal person. most of y'all dumb as hell & yea i think i'm better overall (except for my one friend who follows this acc u know who u r ilysm<222) ! still enjoy u guys though, infinitely moreso than everyone else

there needs to be a level under equal person, but above your Average Commoner™ & all the people who'd consider me a friend, but i feel nothing towards despite continuously hanging out with them

the npd hierarchies are crazy & very strict but i don't have words for most of the tiers

[inke-ri]

So I had a different post up about the miraculous movie and how it wasn't perfect but - as someone who liked the series back when it was just Ladybug and Chat Noir against the world, and sorta naturally dropped it when the show started to introduce more heroes just bc it wasn't my thing - it felt nice and it gave me closure.

I was just gonna rewrite it in a way I liked better, but Jesus, whatever minor desire to pick the show back up again was very quickly snuffed out by how negative the a browse through the fandom tags felt. It's like people who like the movie are rubbing it in with a sort of arrogance, and the people who don't are almost gatekeepy with how "it's not the show" and how inferior it is bc of that. And I feel like wanting to talk about that instead.

Like. There are actual criticisms and praise going around but it gets lost in a sea of salt. It's kinda scary.

Personally, I liked it. It had some very cheesy lines, a couple scene transitions could have been better, What Have They Done To My Son, Plagg, and Adrienette's dynamic would have benefitted from a couple extra scenes (just a few tweaks showing him a little embarrassed or staring a little longer than usual in the Baddie Of The Day Montage(tm) would fix it, since I think they do a decent job of setting Marinette as special to Adrien given she's the only person we see him open up to about his mom, when we know he and Nino are friends and Nino already stated to always be there for him), to make the turning the ball invitation down + reveal hit harder, but overall it was fun. It was different.

What I truly cannot understand how this isn't Miraculous or how it doesn't really have a story. Sure, it's not The Series but in movie format, including the characterizations (they ARE different characters), but?? I feel like the core of who they are, or who they were back when the show began, still remains. Marinette still struggles with self confidence (which is in line with her season 1 self), and I particularly love how you can see how she HAS that spice bubbling underneath the surface, she just needed a push to embrace it and grow more confident (very Origins of her). Adrien is still closed off and quiet, and I love the implication that it was each other that gave them the push they needed to open up and be stronger and more social. I love how it was still Adrien's kindness that made Marinette fall for him, and Ladybug's bravery and selflessness that caught Chat Noir's eye.

Marinette is still clumsy and a little over excited, which we see in the first music, it just has a sense of WONDER to it instead of a frazzled energy like in the show, lol, poor baby. Adrien is still flirty and punny, he's still closed off, except show Adrien is trying to put up a brave face about it and trying to move on, and movie Adrien has lived with grief for longer and developed different coping mechanisms in regards to it. They're both very interesting in their own right, and I think the timing of Emilie's loss really explains the changes in him- movie Adrien is just past the meek attempts to be happy that show Adrien is still trying to do. He lost his mom and lived with an absent father for much longer than his show counterpart and it SHOWS. It's a different flavor of Adrien, but I think it's a neat choice, to have LB be the reason why he chose to open up. Show Adrien was interesting bc he chose to stand up to his dad in order to go to school, but he still felt alienated from his peers. The movie just makes that separation clearer but lets Adrien grow and hang out with his friends* and create actual bonds with them thanks to having first created a bond with Ladybug. It's a cool take on it.

I also really like what they did with Hawkmoth, though I don't think I can compare it to the show bc back when I watched it Gabriel was more or less just the absent father, mustache twirling villain that he was. This is where that * is inserted, I think the biggest change is that show Gabriel was more controlling of his son's life, and more demanding. Movie Gabriel straight up "lets" Adrien go missing for a whole night and only tries to talk to him the day after. He doesn't seem to mind Adrien spending time with his friends. He doesn't micromanage his son, though we still see hints of that control in how he talks about his designs, so its there, just a little hidden, that pride and arrogance. Again, it's a different flavor of Gabriel, but it works within the characterization of the movie and what they wanted for his character. Reminds me a bit of the Gabriel that wasn't willing to hurt Adrien (which apparently is an early series thing only, rip lmao) but was willing to go all out on Ladybug and Chat Noir.

So... yea. Maybe I'm just out of touch with the fandom and the show. Maybe it's because the characters have grown in ways I simply don't know bc I lost interest, and the modern MLB fandom understandably attaches those changes to the characters and wants to see it represented, which is valid. But tbh? I still love early MLB - not bc the "writing was better" or bc of Astruc v Zag shenanigans (are those still going? oh the war flashbacks) - just bc I vibed with the concept more. I love the show versions of these characters. And I think the movie is a different spin on them, but I think it does them justice. It has flaws, but the show also did, and I loved it anyway.

Speaking of just what I watched back then... I still think nothing in the movie tops the Umbrella Scene(tm), but I love that Ladynoir got a cute equivalent in the sparring one. I love the banter in both. I love the Adrienette moments in the show and I love how the movie expands on the inconditional trust between Chat and Ladybug, on how they're partners and always there for each other. I love Tikki in both. Show Plagg is my baby. I love what they did with Hawkmoth in both (movie and s1/some of s2). Master Fu as a cooky old man is hilarious. The cringe somehow got cringier in the movie. I think it's funny that movie Adrien gets to have his own "oh my god the second hand embarrassment, I want to cry" to balance out show Marinette lol. I love Chat still simping for LB and I love the cute little romance scenes, shipping fodder moments were always one of the strengths of the show, and we have it here in spades, so good for me.

It's just... as I said, it's different, but to me it's a love letter to the MLB that captivated me for years. It does its own thing, but I think I'm just gonna make a few tweaks in my head, mash Origins with the first half of the movie, then watch season 1 and a few select season 2 episodes, then go back to the movie to finish it up. I actually think that they complement each other quite well, even with the characterization changes, because, for example, the early seasons compensate for the movie's lack of Adrienette, while the show expands on the ladynoir side. If you use both, then the movie manages to effectively reverse the love square, allow Mari to grow past her awkward self, deal with the bits of insecurity in her that we still see sprinkled across the series, allow Adrien to stand up to and face his father, and give me a satisfying conclusion to the Hawkmoth plot and a cute little reveal.

I could go on over more talked about topics like the music (its fine. Christina inserts a certain breathlesness to Marinette that you feel Lou is trying to capture but she just can't. I got used to it tho, and Lou's voice is lovely) or the animation (gorgeous), like I did in the original version of this post, but to me what mattered most was the... For lack of a better word, the vibe of the movie. To me, it felt like a little time capsule bc it really embodies everything the fandom liked about the show during season 1 and its hiatus. I can't give it an objective score bc I think my 8.5/10 feels very biased, but I loved the nostalgia trip. I loved getting that closure. I'm still gonna go off and enjoy parts of both the show and the movie, because something something stronger together might just apply to them as well :)

[cinnamonest]

Rewriting my Diluc housewife thoughts but I saved it in my notes this time, but I made it infinitely more sexist than it already was before bc 1) I was in the kink mood and 2) the spirits of writing gods possessed my body and told me that is the way all Diluc content should be, so, this is major 1950s-ish housewifey horrendously misogynistic shit, you've been warned. Like, even *I* looked back over this and was like "wow this is vile" which is kinda saying something for me so, putting the nastier parts under cut for the sake of my followers' eyes ----------- I was thinking about the post a while back about Diluc reforming a criminal darling - a thief around Mondstadt that's been on a crime spree and of course he catches wind of that and goes to defeat the perpetrator (surprisingly very easy? How is a thief this weak?) and haul the bastard off to jail except... What's this? Said criminal is actually just some girl and not a gross ugly bastard?? This changes things. Clearly, this was not an intentional act of malice or greed, but rather, he, master of criminal psychology™, rationalizes that the world is far too cruel for unwifed girls that have no one to depend on, a cold terrible place, so you must have been driven to these actions out of desperation. You had no provider, no caretaker, which are needs. How could you possibly be expected to provide a means of living for yourself?? This is just the consequences of the unfairness of the world. However, things all work out in the end. You need to be taken care of and restrained from these self-destructive choices by force (since you cannot recognize how bad it is, not that you're expected to, it's natural that you have poor perception, that's why you need a man to make choices for you), and he needs a wife. This solution benefits all parties.

He is, however, a rather dense man, and doesn't really think to like, tell you that. Or tell you anything. He's too lost in thought in his planning -- gonna get you new clothes to replace your ragged ones, gonna have to rearrange the guard schedule so they can watch the house better, all that -- and just kinda slings you up and over his shoulder without a word. Ignores you kicking and hitting because it doesn't really hurt or anything, you're too weak for that. Just says he’ll explain in detail later, but don’t worry, you’re not going to jail. He’s just taking you home. This is better, he says. Stop struggling so much, what, you want to go to jail? No? Then be still. And you don't recognize that it's good for you yet, but again, that's expected. In a better time or society, you would have been married off sooner, and prevented from ever falling victim to your own decision making to begin with, but the world isn't perfect and you can be forgiven for it. You're not responsible for your own actions since you can't comprehend them. It's frustrating and he sighs a bit over it, but that's just the way things are. You'll be happy in the long run, even if it takes a while, you're naturally programmed for a better lifestyle he has in mind. And, really, he's glad you weren't married off, because if you were then he never would have had you, so even though it was technically unideal, the stars align and the universe works out things perfectly. It's all the more of a sign that this was fate and you were made for him. The issue is that a hardened criminal darling is... Not the ideal candidate for a housewife. To some extent, he's right that the criminal underworld hardens a person, you can't survive in that realm if you're submissive or weak willed. And criminal darling certainly is not. Loud mouthed, opinionated, argumentative, bad attitude, defiant and aggressive and very much unafraid. A complete loose cannon. All very unfavorable traits. Worst of all, very much unaccepting of and ungrateful for the privilege of a second chance and being graciously granted the opportunity for a better life. Lots of bad behaviors.

The cursing is a problem. It's not very... Wife-like. Gives off a bad image, you know. Especially since said cursing is usually directed at him at a very loud volume with a snarl and getting all up in his face to tell him he's fucking insane and a bastard. To be honest, the worst part isn't the words themselves, it's the fact that you are so unafraid to be defiant and so fiery that is the primary issue. You disobey very deliberately. Little acts of pettiness. Being mean to the maids who are so graciously trying to teach you how to cook (at his direction), since you had no idea how to (and nearly burned his house down as a result). The first time you were mean and bitter and that's how you learned they report back to him about how you behaved. It did not go over well.  

Intentionally burning food. Once you somehow found a bottle in a cabinet somewhere in the mansion and put rat poison in his food, made him sick. Muttering a sarcastic whoops and shoving a vase off to crash and shatter on the floor. Early on you refused to wear all the nice dresses you were generously given and even tried to go through his clothes to find something to wear, which was kinda cute since it was way too big, but still. You mutter and grumble under your breath every time you're given a command. The most important thing is sex, though. You know, your job. One of your only real responsibilities. He has a very stressful job. It's only reasonable that he can expect to come home to his sweet, loving little wife with open arms and equally open legs. You've probably fucked around a bit right? For money, for favors, for intel, you get the idea, lots of ties to criminal gangs to earn their trust. So, if you do it for something so insignificant, how much more does he deserve it for taking care of you fully? You should -- and you will, with time -- drop to your knees the second he walks through the door. But instead, sigh, you fight and whimper and cover your face in shame after you spasm and cum, and worst of all, you actively try not to cum. You shouldn't feel ashamed of that, it's good, he says. Sure, you may not be officially married (since the laws of Mondstadt unfortunately require that whole "consent" thing for both parties, ugh), but, he's basically your husband right? So, it's perfectly normal, you're supposed to cum for him. Maybe once you're all knocked up you'll be even hornier, and less shameful. He actually wasn't expecting you to be this bad. Incredibly stubborn and prideful. Literally the exact opposite traits of a good wife, you know, submissive and humble and obedient. He kinda thought that it was like... automatic. That once he just kinda shoved you in the right environment, it would be like flipping a switch right? Apparently not. But no matter. It can be changed, with effort and time. You're worth it. See, you're not supposed to backtalk him, you're supposed to smile and do what you're told without question. You're supposed to submit and obey, and instead you seem hellbent on pissing him off out of spite - and frankly, you're doing a good job of achieving that. Every time you defy him it sparks an irritation he can't describe, worse than he'd normally get from just being snarled at by anyone - no, something about being disrespected by someone he feels is beneath him makes him much, much angrier than it would be if it were, say, one of the business partners who get snappy and argumentative very frequently. He could break you and it would be easy, don't you know that? You stomp and you hit him and you yell, but clearly you process that you have to look up to look him in the eye, you have to realize how much smaller you are. You hit him even though you have to know by now he'll just grab your wrists, and like always you'll be unable to even hope of pulling out of his grip, the strength difference between you two is so great. There's no way you don't realize all that, yet you continue to behave the way you do. The inferiority is so blatantly obvious, but you act as if it's not. He spends a lot of time contemplating the source of this, the cause of your behavior, it occupies his thoughts. It's like... You resent him for something. Could it possibly be kidnapping you and keeping you as a glorified sex slave? No, no, that's not it. It's something else, yes. Are you just bitter about being inferior in, you know, every conceivable way? Is that it? The criminality for you was compensation to make you feel powerful, perhaps. You have a complex. You resent him not for anything he's done, but because you know he's stronger and smarter and generally superior to you. You don't want to accept it. You're prideful when you shouldn't be. You're supposed to be humble and content with your inferiority. Yeah, that's it. You just have a negative perception of the lifestyle you're supposed to have. Maybe some event in your life or someone else warped your view of things. You don't realize how happy you'd be if you just accepted it. Yes, if you submitted to it, if you swallowed your pride and actually accepted your place, you'd find you would be very happy, you just don't know that. Or maybe, your brain can't grasp something like that. After all, that's the reason you're supposed to be the submissive party of the two of you, you're not as bright or perceptive (says the densest man alive). You have to be... Led. Guided. So he says it. He is, again, a dense man. He does not really think about the fact that perhaps blatantly confronting you with the epiphany he thinks he's had and specifically using the words inferior and weak and small is probably not going to make you very happy. You get bitchy and bratty and try to hit him and he sighs because, see, this is exactly what he's talking about. You reacting the way you did only confirms you do have a complex, he says. So, how could he go about... reconditioning? He is not the most creative man, but thankfully it's a rather easy problem to solve. If you're reminded of a reality often enough, you have to accept it. For starters, using physical strength against you. Maybe that will metaphorically open your eyes. Holds you down in place when you're hitting him like you do, firmly bending you over a counter or whatever and just holding you in place. Come on, try to get up, try to push him off. You snarl and claw at the marble and push will all your strength, but he doesn't budge, not until you politely apologize and ask him to let you up. If you're being difficult and not going where he tells you to, well, he can just sling you up over his shoulder and carry you. If you're fighting being fucked he can just flip you over and press your face into the mattress and hold you still, and you can't help but take the brutal reality that you're basically a ragdoll to him, that is, physically overpowering you doesn't even require trying. It helps to knock you down a peg, remind you of your place and maybe get you to swallow that pride a bit. The orgasms and fucking have a similar effect -- every time you can't help but feel like he has a power over you. And really, he kinda does. Every time you lay there still panting and shivering in aftershock, the shame comes swarming in, all the obscene noises you made and the way you came undone under the person that treats you like property. Even if the rational part of you knows better, you can't help but feel like in a way it's like you let him win, allowed yourself to more or less prove him right. Maybe you'll learn better if you're in more humiliating positions. Stuck getting rammed from behind, hand forcing your face down and ass up. Actually correcting bad behaviors requires more direct approaches, so he takes the... Old fashioned route. After all, it's pretty much guaranteed to work. You don't listen to words, you don't listen to reason, but you'll certainly listen to handprints and belt welts on your ass. It's the first time you really, truly break, and that brings him a lot of satisfaction. The first time you really cry and whimper and beg and apologize so profusely it feels like you mean it for once. Granted, for a while you just persist in your bad behaviors and even try to run when you see him sigh and take the belt off, but you never get far. And, most notably, you actually fix your behaviors, with enough reminders. At one point, the next time you start being bad and get to bitching and snarling and putting up a fight, you catch the look on his face and, for once, you shut your mouth and look down and mumble an apology by default. See, you're learning. Speaking of, you still have that major issue with backtalking him. You're supposed to submit to him and acknowledge his authority over you. So he gets firm. Grabs you by the jaw and forces you to look him in the eye and reminds you that you will *not* get an attitude with him. You *will* show some respect. You say yes sir and no sir and do what you're told. And if you forget, he can give you a reminder, if you want that. But you shake your head with fear in your eyes, say you don't want that. It makes you mad. You want to lash back, but you swallow your pride and mutter a fine - before realizing the mistake, violating the rule you were just reminded of. You stammer out a yes sir but it's already too late. He has to control himself too, not let his anger get the better of him. He speaks in a way that isn't snarling and mean, but rather firm, cold, a flat tone that asserts dominance and demands respect. But... still wants you to like him. So he has to be nice, too. After all, you'll learn better if you're rewarded for being good, right? So you can get little rewards. Words of affirmation. A pat to the head. He'll buy you something you want, let you drink a bit (since, as a thief, of course, you had a problem with that before you came home, but that had to be corrected too, since drunkenness isn't very befitting). And sooner or later he does have a really good little wife. He's proud of you. You smile and obey commands without complaining. He can come home every day, and rather than hearing a long report from the staff about how much trouble you caused that day, instead you have food and smiles and sweet affection waiting on him, you hug him when he walks through the door. You're polite and sweet to the various business partners and guests that come through -- you don't speak to them without permission though, of course, and you look down at the ground so you don't make eye contact with another man. People say he's lucky and how they wish they had a wife that was so outwardly affectionate to them as you are to him, always clinging to him physically. And you don't complain or every object to anything, you just smile and say yes and do it. It makes him happy in a weird way he can't quite articulate. A warm swell of pride, a feeling of success. You have vague memories of a time when you were breaking into houses just to scrape by, not knowing when you'd eat next, not knowing where you'd sleep. It's kind of a fuzzy memory now. You don't have to worry about those things anymore, and you're a lot happier this way.

[fanfictionwritingoddity]

𝙄𝙣𝙛𝙚𝙧𝙞𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙮

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 𝟏.𝟑 𝐤 𝐭𝐰: 𝐚𝐫𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐱 𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐠: 𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 - 𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐬𝐤𝐢

( 𝙾𝚒𝚔𝚊𝚠𝚊 𝚃𝚘𝚘𝚛𝚞 𝚡 𝙶𝙽!𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝙰𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝 )

You were sitting on the couch, legs tucked against your chest as you aimlessly scrolled through social media. Everything you read was so incredibly boring, only perpetuating the sudden wave of drowsiness you felt. Glancing at the time, you realized you had about an hour and a half before you and Tooru were scheduled to go on your date. A giddy smile pasted itself on your lips, your heart skipping a beat in your chest. You hopped up, making your way to you and your boyfriends shared bedroom.

Ever since you and Oikawa had moved to Argentina, he had little time to spare for personal activities. His sights were more focused on things like training, fan meet and greets, and games. You understood, of course. However, it had been almost a year since the two of you had done anything close to a date. That was why you were so excited, barely being able to contain yourself from skipping to the bathroom.

The door opened as you reached for the knob, stunning you into a momentary silence. Tooru walked out, running his fingers gently through his soft brown locks. He was donning a crimson suit and dress pants and a white button up, finished with a red tie. The man’s eyebrow cocked in interest as you admired him, a sly grin on his mouth.

“What are you in such a rush for?”

His question made your heart drop. Oikawa couldn’t have forgotten your date, could he? You had assumed that his fancy get-up had been in preparation for your time together. Shaking your head free of the negative thoughts, you weakly smiled up at your boyfriend. You had to trust him. Sure, Tooru had imperfections like everyone did, but he would never forget something so important.

“... Our date?”

Your tone was hopeful, eyes shining in the dim light peeking through the bathroom entrance. The volleyball player blinked in confusion, cocoa brows furrowing as he probed his brain for an inkling of information about the date you were talking about. Suddenly, it all washed over him. His lips twitched into an uncomfortable smile.

“Ah... about that.. I actually have a signing today. I’m sorry, babe.”

Oikawa laid his hand on your shoulder, patting twice, before walking into the bedroom to finish getting ready. You couldn’t believe what just happened. Your significant other had canceled the date you had planned a year in advance, and the only comfort he offered was a few pats on your shoulder? The repetitive behavior struck a match in your stomach, a bonfire lighting within you. Anger contorted your features as you whipped around to face Tooru.

“Tooru, we’ve had this date planned for a year now! Couldn’t you reschedule this signing? Your fans will still be there later...”

“Are you saying you won’t? You won’t be there later?”

His voice was bitter and accusatory, almost as sharp as the cutting glance he sent over his shoulder. You flinched, taken aback by the harshness. After a moment, Oikawa looked back down to the watch he was clipping onto his wrist in front of the bedroom vanity mirror. Your heart urged you to apologize, but for one of the first times in your life, you allowed logic to take over. Steeling yourself against the aggression you were about to receive, you dug your feet into the ground, both physically and metaphorically.

“I think you should go on this date and reschedule, Tooru.”

“You know how important it is for me to interact with my fans.”

“Of course I know, but shouldn’t it be equally as important if not more for you to interact with me? I’m your significant other for god’s sake, I followed you all the way to Argentina! I didn’t come so I could be shoved aside every chance you had to increase your publicity!”

Your words caused a pause in your boyfriend’s actions. A heavy silence filled the bedroom as the clicking sounds of his watch ceased. The vermillion-clad male trained his gaze up from his arm to the mirror, meeting your eyes in the reflection. His auburn orbs were cold, devoid of their usual playfulness and mirth, jaw tensing and untensing as he processed your statements. Tooru couldn’t help the wry laugh that escaped his lips.

“Your inferiority complex is showing.”

“... What?”

The singular, murmured sentence had caught your breath in your throat. All your life you had struggled with feeling like you weren’t good enough for the people around you. You knew this, Oikawa knew this. Of course he did, you had told him years ago as you laid together under the stars. But, you promised. You both agreed on the oath that any weaknesses the other had would never be used against them in an argument.

Fights were bound to happen. No couple was perfect, and a couple that didn’t have the occasional squabble was most likely doomed to fail. You must’ve heard him wrong, right? There was no way Tooru would say such a thing to you, knowing how painful it would be, knowing he had sworn to never bring it up when you clashed.

“I said, your superiority complex is showing. I mean, look at you! You’re tripping over yourself to get a single shred of my attention. You may as well be one of my fans at this point.”

“Apologize. Now.”

The man’s eye twitched as he heard your breaking voice, and he realized what he said. The ice in his glare was replaced by instant regret. Tears were blurring your vision as you choked on the quiet following your words. Understanding that Oikawa had no intention to apologize, at least not in that moment, a sound that was a mix between a gasp and laugh escaped your lips. The tears had long since left your eyes, making salt trails down your cheek as you turned around, walked away, and began rifling through the closet.

“Baby, I-”

“Save it, Oikawa.”

You spat his name like it was venom on your tongue. In the peripherals of your vision, you saw the volleyball player tense at the use of his last name. You began to pull out some of your clothes and stuff them into a nearby empty suitcase. Tooru observed helplessly as you packed, hands twitching as he attempted to figure out a way to remedy the situation he had created. When you walked past him to take some of your jewelry, he reached out and caught your arm in an iron grip.

“Y/N, just wait, we can talk this through-”

“No, Oikawa, I’m done fucking waiting! I’ve waited a year now! Every single time I came to you with my concerns about how I felt like I wasn’t being treated as anything but a flat-mate, you always shot them down with some half-assed excuse and apology. I’m done waiting, Tooru. I deserve more than this. I deserve to be treated well, I deserve love and I deserve someone who will prioritize me over some fucking fangirls.”

Wrenching your arm out of his grip, you glimpsed the brunette’s face fall. Your heart shattered as the first tears escaped his glossy eyes. He didn’t want you to leave. You had been the only person that was always on his side and the one he could trust to always have his back. A velvet box was situated uncomfortably in his pocket, a sparkling diamond ring inside. Oikawa was going to propose to you. He was going to ask you to marry him, but he fucked it up.

It took all of his strength to not scream and cry and beg you to stay. All he could do was train his eyes on your form as you left the suite and slammed the door shut behind you. Already, the male could feel the emptiness of the abode. Everything was out of place with you gone. But, this was his fault. Tooru loved you enough to know that you did deserve better, so he let you go. He watched you leave, because you were right.

He knew this, so why did it hurt so badly?

[its-ya-boi-autumn]

Alright look-

My little Cells At Work phase is likely going to be short-lived and I'm probably only going to manage to get 2 or 3 works out before it ends but I'll still add it to the Masterlist, though I'm not so sure of making its own section rather than just putting like "Other Animes" or like "Phases", I don't know just yet, but I'll figure it out.

Requests for this anime are also accepted for whenever, even after the phase passes I'll still write for this one~ Though I'm not so sure about smut because, well, they're cells, and they're asexual. I just find it strange and out of pocket since they're not necessarily 'human' (I have nothing against like mythical creatures or folk lore/legends and sexual content, I just think cells are different, it'll depend on my mood I suppose)

In the meantime have some neutrophil 1146 content because I was gonna write some killer t stuff but decided it would be best to start with someone easier (plus 1146 is the reason for this whole thing in the first place)

Word Count: 1455

Warnings/Contents: RBC!+GN!reader

This was the day you dreaded. The thought of carrying carbon dioxide through the heart to gather oxygen had been crossing your mind for ages, your superior warning you of the difficulties you may encounter. Though your concern wasn't getting lost or any sort of infection. It was simply other cells. You'd think being a red blood cell, you'd get used to all of the other cells around you. That wasn't quite the case however, still feeling anxious around large groups of cells you'd never met, which of course was often. This left you in a state of constant alertness, ready to move or take cover at given moment.

You continued staring at the map in front of you, wasting time. Though you couldn't wait much longer. Sighing, you folded your map up and scrunched it into your pocket along with your notes. You rolled your cart forward towards the inferior vena cava, trying to use some grounding to calm yourself. Your superior warned you of the crowdedness of the area beforehand so you'd be somewhat prepared.

Before entering though you figured getting some sort of energy would probably be best. You hadn't even been through the first trek and you were already exhausted by just the thought of having to transfer through just the first wave. There was a little vending machine nearby, you could probably get some glucose before the trip no problem.

Standing in front of the menu presented in bright lighting you browsed your options for a minute before just choosing the cheapest option. The pink and purple swirls caught your eye. You gave the vending machine its exchange before the glucose fell into the slot. As you bent down to pick it up however, someone bumped into your behind.

Upon the contact you immediately stumbled over, falling onto your hip with a pang of an ache shooting through your side.

"Ouch! Hey watch where you're-" you looked up at the perpetrator only to be met with a plane of white. His skin, his hair, even his combat gear, was all stark white.

"-going..." you trailed off, taken aback at the sight of him. He was unfamiliar, you'd never seen him before nor anyone like him. The grey shadows of his hair shaded the light blush on his cheeks.

"Oh, my bad." he said, reaching a gloved hand out to you. You took it, allowing him to haul you up and back onto your feet. You caught a glimpse of his hat. White Blood Cell 1146. You blinked a few times, the embarrassment and anxiety setting in.

"Yeah... It's alright though, I probably should of made sure no one was behind me before just bending down." you averted your gaze, eyes back onto the glucose still sitting patiently in the slot. I checked behind you again before reaching down to grab it.

"No, really, I should of been paying more attention." he refuted your response, tipping his hat to you a little likely to hide the pink on his face. A part of you felt kind of bad for nearly yelling at him, though he was right. It was totally his fault. You sighed, unwrapping the glucose and taking a few bites. The cold rang through your teeth though it was refreshing, replenishing your energy a lot more than you initially expected.

"Look, I told you, it's fine. Just be careful is all. I've got a delivery to make now so if you don't mind I'm pretty sure you're in my way. Please excuse me." you hadn't meant to come off so rude, though you really needed to get going. You were sure it didn't matter anyway, you likely wouldn't see him again. Pushing past him you carted your carbon dioxide out to the inferior vena cava. You could feel his eyes on you, though you didn't bother turning to meet them.

~

A little later on, after exchanging your carbon dioxide for that of oxygen, you made your way back around the heart to deliver it, finally done for a little while and able to catch a break. Your own heart was racing, your fingertips and toes throbbing with the adrenaline of being around so many other cells at once. You caught sight of the platelets heaving and ho-ing around the corner. You smiled, deciding to see what was going on.

"This vessel is currently under construction! Sorry about the inconvenience!" the little girl waving her flag announced to the other nearby cells, alerting them of their work.

"Hello little platelet! What's going on?" you asked, kneeling down to meet her eyes. She stopped waving her flag and gave you a smile.

"There was a minor abrasion a little bit ago, we're fixing it up though, so it should be good as new in no time!" she spoke excitedly, emphasizing her enthusiasm with a little hop and a toothy grin. You found this adorable, standing back to full height." Hopefully everything runs smoothly, see ya~" you gave her a wave, which she returned. You couldn't help yourself when it came to platelets. They were just so cute and they always worked so hard. You knew you did your part as well, though sometimes it didn't feel as good as theirs.

You heard a sound, a sort of rumbling from somewhere to your left. Your brows knit together, confusion scattering your previous thoughts. You turned your attention to the ground, the rubble bouncing around the tiles. You took a few steps back as you felt the ground shift below you. The sound made its way over to where you stood, directly in front of you. Other cells around you had begun to notice as well, their attention all on where you stood. Stunned, you continued to step backwards, not wanting to face whatever it was. Your eyes widened as the ground started to give, feeling the lurch downward.

Just as the floor cracked right under your feet and you sucked in a breath to scream out for help, you felt a force collide with your left side, shoving you to the right just in time for the ground to sink into a wide opening. The mouth of the hole gaped at you, scrambling to get up. You didn't even think to say thank you to whoever had saved your life, slightly feeling bad for not checking to see who it was. Though you didn't much care since they likely wouldn't of listened to you. Almost immediately, entities you'd never seen before started floating into the area. They're eyes scanned over their new surroundings, landing directly onto you.

"Ah, what have we here? A little red blood cell all cooped up in the arms of their savior?" the entity chuckled, it's voice possessing a feminine twinge to it. Its figure was covered in yellowish grape-like coating except for its hands, arms, and face. It had mentioned a savior. You turned your head up to notice the same white blood cell from earlier, glaring up at the germ.

"Oh- white blood cell-" he dropped you before you could finish, your head colliding with the tiles on the ground. You would have complained though you noticed him beelining directly for the entity, immediately slashing through it's body. Your eyes grew wide in shock, watching it's blood splatter across the other cells and the tiles in front of you. The white blood cell turned to face you, walking over to you as if he hadn't just murdered whatever that thing was.

"Hello again, are you alright?" he asked, his hand outstretched to you. You tsked, swatting his hand away and getting back up onto your own feet, brushing the dust off of your pants. Your hands set firm on your hips, brows knitted up at him.

"I'm fine, thank you." your harsh words threw him off guard. The white blood cells' cheeks flushed in embarrassment. You were being brash again, and in front of a large group of others after he had just saved you. Your expression softened and you sighed.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to come off rude sir." you rubbed the back of your neck, soothing the annoying ache of guilt. He drooped his head, avoiding eye contact.

"It's alright, I didn't really expect you to thank me. I did push you over twice today." he mentioned the event from earlier, cheeks blushing harder.

"Hey, it's alright. You were just doing your job. No hard feelings." you admitted, offering him a hand as some sort of awkward reassurance. He took it, his hands larger than yours and covering the majority of your palm. A smile crossed his face in appreciation of the gesture.

"Glad you don't have any negative feelings towards me then."

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

Hurt (E.D.)

Summary: Some stories start with a meet-cute, but this one starts at the end. 

Warnings: mentions and descriptions of sex, swearing, ANGST

Word count: ~ 2100

Hurt - Series Masterlist

Ethan said he loved her and she took him at his word. He said she was his soulmate and over the years he had become an integral part of her being. You see, Ethan Dolan wasn’t one to go around throwing the L-word so carelessly. He’s the kind of guy who shows his feelings, and he did. Day in and day out, for four years. Then one sunny Sunday, under a cloudless sky, the pair sat in comfortable silence in their backyard, watching over Grayson’s kids as they ran wildly around. And he spoke, changing her life forever.

“I’m in love with someone else.”

Ethan Dolan doesn’t say the L-word so easily…that’s why the pain of hearing it said about someone other than her had nearly shattered her. And sitting across from him now, each armed with a lawyer by their side; this wasn’t how she imagined her marriage with Ethan going.

The worst of it all…she never saw it coming. He simply announced he was in love with someone else. It would have been kinder to kill her. She couldn’t even react in the moment, staring at his side profile in shock as she tried to collect herself. He didn’t even look at her. Not even a glance.

She wanted to throw a fit and curse him out, but she couldn’t. Not when she had promised Grayson to keep his kids happy for the day. She couldn’t act out in front of the little ones.

“I’m sure you’ve gone over the details.” Ethan’s lawyer spoke smugly, thinking this would be an easy win. But Ethan? He was still too much of a coward to look her in the eye again.

“We did and my client finds the offer ridiculous.” Her lawyer remarked, making Ethan roll his eyes and sigh. He played with his late father’s ring, twisting it continuously – a nervous tick as Y/N remembered.

“Considering there was a prenuptial signed, I’m sure you can see my client has been more than generous.” Y/N chuckled dryly, unable to contain her emotion. She couldn’t stop herself from giggling out of control, the unusual situation seeking an atypical response.

“I’m sorry, but does she need a minute?” Ethan’s lawyer asked with contempt, noticing the young woman start to collect herself and the pieces of her sanity that were so evidently far from picture-perfect. There were many cracks in her mind and heart right now, the ability to cope shunned by other, much stronger emotions.

To survive, she must be this person filled with a bitterness she can’t control.

“She

is to be the mother of his children, the kids they planned to have together. Had he at least given her some reason to think there was anything wrong or lacking in their marriage, she’d be much more accepting. But there wasn’t. Hell, they even had sex almost every day during their marriage, even that Sunday morning after which he decided to tear her heart out and stomp on it.

Since then, the girl he met years ago on the beach, the one with the big eyes and the bigger heart is now consumed by a hatred she never knew could take root. She wasn’t human anymore, but a persona she crafted to keep herself going.

“Who is she?” Y/N asked, her voice firm with a slight crack at the end. She poked his chest repeatedly, talking in hushed tones while the kids were taking a nap, not wanting to alert them to anything being wrong.

“It doesn’t matter now, does it?” Ethan replied, almost annoyed by her show of affection and the betrayal in her eyes that have been swimming in tears for the past two hours…tears she swallowed and kept hidden deep inside.

“It matters and you know it.” She felt herself cracking at the seams, her hands latching onto her hair as if she fears her brain might explode. “Did you fuck her?” She bites down on her lip, shaking violently as the thought of his body on top of hers makes her sick. He had been kissing every inch of her skin merely five hours ago…he whispered the sweetest things in her ear as he guided her to her orgasm. He had interlocked their fingers as he thrusts deeper, cumming inside. This morning, his hands on her, his cum dripping out of her…it was all endearing. Now? It made her sick to her stomach.

“I didn’t.” Ethan looked at her, a fleeting glance more than a proper look. It’s as if he’s assessing the damage, checking if she’s about to break. And she was. She was standing on the edge of a very tall cliff…the one she believed was his love. But now he was on the other end, pushing her down and he had no intention on catching her when she falls.

“I didn’t even kiss her. I wanted to wait until I told you. Out of respect for what we had.” He added, looking at his hands instead of her face. She wanted to chuckle…she wanted to strangle him. That’s how much she hated him right now. She could have killed him and not batted an eye. She never understood how crimes of passion were possible. How could a person experience emotion so severely, so deeply and all-consuming that they were blinded by it?

She understood now.

“Respect? If you had any respect for me, you wouldn’t have been fucking me this whole time like I was still your number one girl. You wouldn’t have whispered ‘I love you’ this morning when you woke up to my smiling face nor when you were balls deep inside me. You have no respect for me. I see that now.”

“I’m fine. Better than fine, actually. Especially since I’m not accepting these terms. Not by a long shot.” Y/N stated plainly, clasping her hands together as she placed them on the glass table in front of her. Leaning in, she smiled wickedly, a decisive glint in her eye – one that would scare Ethan had he dared to look at her.

“The prenuptial I signed had a clause on cheating. I wouldn’t get anything had I cheated or if I had been the cause for our divorce on any grounds. And I wasn’t. Your client here couldn’t wait to tell me he is in love with someone else and that he’s simply waiting for me to be aware of the fact before he starts fucking her. I believe I deserve a little more than twenty thousand dollars for his actions.” Her eyes narrowed at Ethan, wishing he’d just look at her. She wanted more than anything for him to look at her and see the monster he created. She wanted him to beg for mercy…for forgiveness. And only then would she tell him to fuck off and leave him on his knees. She wanted revenge.

“And what is it that you’d like?” His lawyer decided to indulge her. Just for a moment.

“The house is my number one request.” She wouldn’t even live in it. In fact, she can’t stand being inside. Those walls carry too many memories, most of which are now tainted. No…she’d have it on the market the moment she got the deed on her name alone.

“The Jeep.” She’d sell it for parts, just as a cathartic experience.

“And I want never to see his face again.” Her harsh words finally made a dent. Ethan looked up just in time to catch her fiercely wild gaze, enough to see the hate within.

“Not gonna happen.” His lawyer stood up, tapping Ethan on the shoulder but he found himself too engrossed in her, almost as if she put a spell on him. He was in disbelief. How quickly her love turned to hate as if she didn’t even fight it. She let that negative emotion swallow her and pour acid into her soul, but he understood why. He deserved, he was aware. It didn’t lessen the hurt that overcame him as he saw she was no longer who he knew.

“You changed.” Ethan threw the statement in her face as an insult. It was meant to make her feel inferior as if she was the one making the mistake. Like this was her fault.

“Yes. I did. Drop the judgy tone. You don’t get a say in how I fix what you broke. You don’t get a say in anything concerning me at all.” She stood, leaning on her sprawled out hands that stuck to the table like they were glued to the glass. “You’re the one who cheated, remember?” She added, feeling herself growing faint, but she refused to show how her knees are on the verge of buckling or how the back of her neck is drenched in cold sweat.

“I changed by turning my skin from porcelain to steel. I’ve become stronger, fiercer and a lot less trusting. If my ‘soulmate’ could do this to me, anyone would do far worse. I’ve learned from my mistake and I’ve adapted accordingly. But you? You’ve become a coward.” She spat, the weakness she felt in her legs now consuming her body.

“And why is that?” Ethan snorted, looking down on her trembling hands. He knew her well enough to notice something isn’t quite right. But he kept it to himself. He didn’t want to overreact. She wouldn’t want him to show he cares anyway.

“This is the first time you’ve looked me in the eye in the past two months. And you still can’t even keep eye contact for more than a few seconds.” She felt herself falter, her mouth dry as she blinked faster to keep her vision from blurring.

“You LEFT ME!” She raised her voice, her tone alone is an indicator of her fading. “And I hate you for it.”

That’s the last she remembers as her eyes closed shut and her body dropped to the ground. It wasn’t rigid sort of a blackout, rather limp. Managing to knock her head on the desk, she began bleeding from the cut the glass edges left on her scalp, the blood excessive and unrelenting.

“Call 911!” Ethan ordered his lawyer, jumping over the table without a second thought. He checked her pulse, drawing a deep breath once he realized she’s still alive. For a moment he feared she was gone and it scared the life out of him. It felt like his world collapsed on itself and he found it hard to breathe.

He pressed paper towels against the cut blindly. He couldn’t even see where it was, only the blood gushing out.

“You’ll be okay. Okay?” His own voice was no longer as steady as before, a river of emotions breaking through.

The paramedics came in quick, forcing Ethan to step back as they loaded her on a stretcher and into the ambulance. He remained in the office, his clothes mattered with her blood – his on-brand clothes ruined.

By the time she came through, Y/N had seven stitches in place and a killer headache to match. Her back hurt from hitting the chair on her way down and her arm was lightly bruised from the fall as well.

“Don’t worry, dear. You’ll be fine. Took a nasty fall, but you and the little one are just fine.” The older nurse reassured her, placing a hand on her lower abdomen with a soft smile on her pale lips.

Y/N smiled, nodding in relief. She was worried about her…wait a second!

“Little one?!” She exclaimed, seemingly more panicked now then when she just came to.

“Yes. The baby. Oh, guess the fall was a little rougher than I thought.” The nurse laughed, but Y/N caught her by the wrist just before she walked away.

“Pregnant? I can’t be pregnant.” Y/N insisted, the sound of her heart beating drowning everything else.

“Have you had sex?” The nurse remarked. Y/N went silent, closing her eyes in utter defeat as she realized what’s happening here.

“Not since the day I found out my husband is in love with someone who isn’t me.” She replied in resignation, swallowing thickly as tears pooled in her eyes.

She wanted to look back on her life with Ethan fondly, to preserve some good memories. That wasn’t possible…at least not yet. Not when she found herself linked to him once again and this time it wasn’t just by a piece of paper that stated they were legally bound in matrimony…this was much worse. He was literally inside of her and while she wanted to be the mother of his children more than anything, this was the final blow.

“Can you please get me a doctor? I’d like to talk about my options.”

PART TWO

PART THREE

Tags: @dolandolll @xalayx @godlydolans @heyits-claire @peacedolantwins @dolanstwintuesday @accalialionheart @ethanhes

[xxanimecoolgirlxx]

More Tragedy of Magenta and Blue stuff cause I can- This is going to be shorter than what I usually do

Rubescent cried out as she felt the blunt back end of Magenta’s scythe strike her in the gut, leaving her on the ground, groaning in pain. Magenta stood over the young girl, a stern glare with no form of pity in sight.

“Pathetic. And to think you actually believe yourself worthy of joining our cause. At this point, it isn’t even laughable. It’s just sad.” Magenta said.

The glare didn’t soften any when Rubescent got up from the ground for what seemed to be the umpteenth time, getting back into a fighting stance despite her badly bruised body screaming at her to just stay down.

Magenta didn’t even spare her another word as they went back to sparring. This had been going on for the entire week, ever since Rubescent had been introduced to Magenta by Blue. Apparently the two had met months prior, sneaking off behind Magenta’s back to hang about and such. She didn’t see why Blue felt he had to sneak around her, if he simply wanted a little temporary pest to hang about with to cure his boredom, he should’ve just told her as much and skipped the theatrics.

But now he came to her saying that this spoiled little brat from the local nobility wants to join their cause despite very clearly being as battle hardy as a fragile kitten and the self awareness of a baby lamb, no. It wouldn’t do. It would be a waste of resources to have dead weight around, let alone if she becomes a distraction to her younger brother. Which brings her to her next point.

Magenta doubted that Rubescent even wanted to join them for their goal in destroying their father, no, Rubescent had told her she wanted to be there for Blue, that it wasn’t healthy for both him and her to be on This crusade by themselves. As if she knew what was best for Blue than she did. Blue didn’t need someone that would hold him back, make him weak, hurt him with their incompetence. They didnt need ‘friends’ or ‘close ones’. All they needed were allies and pawns to use when needed and discard without any pesky emotions getting in the way. It won’t matter though, she’ll just get this nuisance out of the way to save everyone the trouble.

Magenta had to admit, Rubescent was a quick learner, having somewhat learned Magenta’s attack patterns, she was learning how to parry, and even managed to get a few hits in on her. She was starting to get good at avoiding her as well. Her adaptability was a bit noticeable. But it was all too little, too futile, too pathetic to make any difference. With another swift kick to the side of her head made the redhead girl fall back down to the ground.

Magenta stood over her, a firm foot stomping onto Rubescent stomach to hold her still as she raised her scythe before swinging it down. Before it could hit its intended target, a sickle blocked the attack, inches away from Rubescent’s eye.

Magenta glared up at the wielder of the sickle, her younger brother Blue as he glared back at her.

“You said this was a sparring match, not an execution.” Blue said.

“It is a sparring match. I was merely testing if she could move out of the way in time before I could strike her. Seeing that she needed your help, it proves how much of a burden she truly is.”

Magenta then glanced down at Rubescent, who looked like she was just barely holding back her tongue but glancing back up at Blue

“I know you enjoy being surrounded by inferiors, Blue, but to keep them around in our quest will only have negative results in the long run. They’ll only end up as expendable anyways, no need to get attached to them anyways.” Magenta said.

Blue grit his teeth and tried to keep as much calm as he could. “She is not expendable. She is not just some resource for us to use and discard whenever we want. Nobody is. She wants to help us because she cares, she genuinely wants things to change, and besides. She has other strong suits beside strength. She’s quick, she’s cunning and she’s clever. You should’ve seen how she dealt with those guards that were after me back when I was sneaking through the town, or how she can impersonate nearly anyone she meets, or how quick on her feet she is. She has other talents other than pure combat that could be useful! It’s your fault that you can’t see that.” Blue said.

Magenta rolled her eyes. “If she can’t survive a simple sparring match with me, she won’t survive out there with us. She isn’t coming with us.” She said.

Rubescent finally spoke up, which took both of them off guard, seeing how badly bruised and beaten she was.

“You think you’re clever, hmm? I know what you’re doing. This isn’t about my ability to survive or even me in general. Even if I’m so incompetent, what would be the harm in just using me for as a throwaway or an expendable like Blue always said you’d do for anyone you saw as less than. No, it has nothing to do with that. You’re just trying to isolate Blue aren’t you? You can’t handle that he might actually want some companionship and not a bunch of sycophants ready to die for him at a moment’s notice!” She yelled out.

Magenta looked visibly agitated at the accusations as she pointed her scythe at her.

“Watch your tongue.” Magenta warned, but Rubescent kept going.

“You truly think you’re doing what’s best for him, but in reality all your doing is pushing him away from you. You think controlling and destroying his social life will make him better in the long run, but it isn’t. If you keep this up, I’m not sure if he’ll become any better than your father. Hell, you’re already so much like Death, but don’t try pushing that poison onto your brother as well!”

Magenta was about to approach Rubescent when Blue stepped in her way, her sickles ready in hand. Magenta paused, her pale face red, barely containing the anger she felt before she turned away.

“Simpleton.” She growled “I do what’s best for me and my brother. We are NOTHING like that fool we have to call a father. But go on, but just know you won’t always be able to rely on my brother singing your praises to save yourself.” Magenta then stormed off, leaving the two 12 year olds alone.

Blue immediately went to Rubescent’s side, looking over her injuries. “Christ, why didn’t you just forfeit the matches earlier. You knew she wasn’t going to go easy on you.” Blue said. Rubescent just shook her head.

“And just let her see me as a coward and hold it against me? No. Not for a minute.” Rubescent said, she struggled to get up until Blue helped her to her feet.

“I apologize on my sisters behalf. She’s been more.. intense like this ever since we escaped our father’s palace when we were very young. She never could act her age because of the constant dangers we were in. It’s all been a lot for her.” Blue rambled. Rubescent nearly scoffed.

“So have you, yet you don’t treat others as something less than human. I know what you and her have gone through must’ve been worse than what I’ll ever know, and although it explains what goes on in her psyche, it shouldn’t ever excuse it.” Rubescent said.

“But..Our father’s grip on her had always been tighter on her than onto me. He twisted her mind in a way he hadn’t truly gotten a chance with me-.” Blue was cut off.

“Please, stop making excuses for her. I don’t doubt that all that is true, in fact, based on what I’ve seen, it’s most likely the definite truth, but you two justifying her actions won’t help her, or you. It’ll only make things worse”

Blue wanted to say something else, but ultimately just dropped the conversation altogether.

“Here, lets just get you patched up.”

[project-ohagi]

Soramitsu Tabe x Reader

Buy me a coffee!! <3

Even with the will of the entire world, you just couldn't tame his emotions. Frustration swelled within you, because you were exhausted from having to constantly mind him. Your relationship usually allowed proximity and romance, without him lashing out and attempting to eat away at your flesh. Genuine adoration was shielded behind that mask, but the thought of expressing too much of it was terrifying to him. Given his societal status, he had never before known such a pure and authentic love. This wasn't something he wished to ruin, and yet the venomous ticking in his head, the whispered voices...they were perpetually hunting for creative, new ways to tarnish his remaining chances with you. It wasn't a controllable force, but it could be temporarily subdued, by the melody of your voice.

Every lyric that rolled off your tongue was Heaven (or as close as he could access), softening the abyss of his mind. It was ephemeral, however, and every second that ghosted past in your absence felt like Hell. The demons who shackled and repressed any traces of optimism that might creep into his system, appeared adoring towards you, and so provided a little leeway in your company. When you abandoned him, even for a mere moment, they returned, their taunts more aggressive than before. They informed him of his dependency on you, and how very tired you were becoming, as a result.

But...how could he function, with a degree of normalcy, without you? Although, yet another matter niggled the back of his brain: your relation to the young head of the Hassaikai, Overhaul. The connection hadn't been completely fleshed out, so he wasn't sure if you were siblings, cousins or something else, but he could concede that it frightened him, ever-so-slightly.

What would transpire once the news surfaced? A simple, yet violent argument? A fatal fight? For as much as he was deemed insane and incapable of empathy or affection, he truly craved your kindness, your divine presence. It was that which bestowed upon him a sense of security, of home. He never wished to be the cause of your demise, or your split from the organisation. An alien love had settled within his core, and instead of consuming it, he had nurtured it. If you ended up suffering injuries because of him, whether they be physical, emotional, psychological or anything in-between, the grief would devour his heart. Behind his burlap sack mask, beads of sweat rolled down his forehead, as his nerves illuminated. His hands started to tremble. The fear, the demons, they were invading his head again. Overhaul had rescued Soramitsu, yes, but that was inconsequential.

Such a powerful figure commanded the utmost respect from his inferiors, not this. To Overhaul, it could manifest as scorn, as a 'trash-is-dating-your-relation-in-an-attempt-to-usurp-your-post'.

Surely, he wouldn't even consider his pleading, his insistence that the truth was far more benevolent! If honesty permeated him, Soramitsu didn't see why you had chosen him. Often, only a singular word attained liberation from his lips, and it wasn't something worthy of adoration. Why? Why did you claim to love him, so very dearly? Why did you gaze upon him, as an awe-struck child, learning to interpret the stars? And...why hadn't he refused your advances?

Ah...perhaps it was the introduction of love into his otherwise worthless existence, that had so mellowed his heart. It was something which he hadn't fully realised, and which his mind agonised over, for many moons. Feelings of neglect bubbled away in the pit of his stomach, as time trickled by. You were still nowhere in his immediate sight, and that was filling him with worry. His mind and mood dropped further into their depressive cavern, as he imagined what tortures Overhaul could be subjecting you to. You possessed a mental strength far superior to his, but it was generally nigh-impossible not to break under such agony. His knees wobbled with the anxiety, forcing him into a crouching position on the ground. What was presenting such an issue, that you would break your promise to him?

You never betrayed his trust.

Yet, maybe an hour had passed since the time that you had suggested. The panic was eating him alive. Had you encountered someone with foul intentions, or had you simply fallen out of love? Were you really busy, or simply in hiding? Soramitsu just couldn't be certain, and the desperation was killing him, slowly. How would he ever hope to function without your help, without your guidance? Even his illustrated emotions were unsure of themselves - should crystalline tears be falling, to signify his sorrow? Should screams tear apart his lungs, because of an unrelenting anger? Or...should he retain his silence, as a testament to his emptiness? All three were competing for validation, but he didn't know which to grant an audience.

As he brooded, these feelings only developed in ferocity. Almost like a relapse, food was once more on the brain. It happened suddenly, eclipsing the final few scraps of rationality, which had lingered since your previous visit. Despite the relatively short period in which you had disappeared, his heart thundered with malice, misery and rejection. This relationship was still fresh, still brimming with bashful side-glances and awkward half-smiles, yet he sincerely cherished it with all his faculties. Had your numerous, supposedly affectionate encounters simply been a nicety? Were those ever-burning embers of love real, or a façade? Did you pity him, or did you revel in his hopeless confusion?

Eloquence aside, would his deepest, innermost emotions - the ones that caused his nerves to explode with an unfamiliar comfort - ever reveal themselves to you? The very worst circumstance, he fretted, would be for you to turn tail and flee, the moment his lips parted. But...but surely that sort of cowardice, of discourtesy was unachievable for someone as wonderful as you...right? Soramitsu placed a hand on either side of his burlap sack mask, desperately searching within his soul, for a sign of reassurance. It might be mentally and physically draining, attending to him around the clock, or ensuring his lack of rampage, but it didn't automatically predetermine that you would just walk out of his life...right? His overactive mind needed an answer - one to ground it again.

"Sora! Oh my gods..." Those heavenly echoes sliced straight through his thoughts of desolation and self-contempt, as a knife to the flesh.

The tepidity of your embrace was something for which he had long yearned. He understood himself to be wholly undeserving of such a loving gesture, yet his quivering hands failed to shove you aside. He couldn't! He refused to impart even the most minor injury on to your delicate skin. You caressed him with a tenderness that should have been reserved for someone else - someone who carried an air of stability, of maturity. You didn't require his filthy love, and you never did. His deplorable appearance was that which should be scrubbed from your life. He didn't wish to taint your grace any further.

He didn't even deserve to touch you.

But...wasn't it above his station, to spurn your courtship?

"Soramitsu? What's going on, sweetie? Did someone hurt you?" The concern penetrated your heart, and this was reflected in your voice.

This whole ordeal was painful - agonising! His vocal chords strained with the effort, but he was determined to respond.

"Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-You...I - It w-w-was y-you..."

"Me...? How did I - what...? Did you...did you really mean that?" The quiet cracks which fractured your words were ungodly; why was he cursed with such inarticulacy?

The abnormal dejection crossing your features, the sniffling, the near-waterfalls of your eyes...No! Anything but this! He couldn't bear your current expression. If only his words could be repealed...If only he had been more careful! What had he set in motion? Could his crime ever be absolved? Shaking his head over and over, desiring the phrases which would inevitably dispel all this negative energy, Soramitsu started to choke on his own sharp breaths. Tears threatened his heart with thousands of red-hot pokers. Your form was convulsing in its sorrow, but you hadn't moved away, not even by an inch. Soramitsu relinquished his voice - words couldn't possibly aid him now. Rather, despite his unwavering anxieties, he rested a hand on your shoulder. The connection was feather-light, as though you might shatter, or gain an intense disgust for his touch.

Neither of those harrowing ideas occurred in reality, to which he thanked every god and goddess in the universe.

[Word Count: 1414]

[streamacademe]

Week 106, Day 735.

My trip to Scotland was a success and I managed to collect some samples! But, I don’t want to talk about that this week. As my 3rd year has officially commenced, I would instead like to dedicate this post to lessons I’ve learned as a 2nd year PhD student and reiterate over my coping strategies.  So, without further ado... 10 lessons I learned as a 2nd year PhD student:

Be prepared to face some dark times with your mental health - I won’t lie to you, it can, and probably will get pretty ugly. At times it will feel like the entire world is on your shoulders and you can’t breathe. I have had countless mental breakdowns this year, which usually involve bawling my eyes out and hyperventilating, before passing out from the exhaustion of it all, then coming around and crying again. Not fun. I have also suffered from insomnia, and, on the flip side, have had many days where I couldn’t get out of bed. I have included some coping strategies for set backs with mental health at the end of this post. 

It will get hard and you’re going to want to quit - I’m sorry to be a bit of a downer, but it’s the truth. For me, giving up is not an option, but even I have had days where I’ve wanted to quit. It’s probably in the terms and conditions of a PhD to feel like this sometimes, but no one ever reads those. How you keep the love for your project glowing is for you to figure out. I always think of the finish line and of how far I’ve come. Or neck a glass of wine, that also helps...

Find a balance between feeling terrified and apathetic, and stupid and self-assured - PhD’s are terrifying, which I appreciate can be exhausting and can lead to feeling apathetic. However, apathy is both a blessing and a curse. It may make you feel calmer and more able, but it sure as hell won’t motivate you to try harder and do better. The same applies for feeling self-assured; yes, you’re clearly a clever bean for getting this far and you should acknowledge and celebrate that, but feeling stupid pushes us to seek knowledge, which is what science is all about. 

Focus on genuine priorities - Procrastination/dedicating your time to non-essential tasks are your no.1 enemies. PhD’s are extremely unpredictable and you have to try and be ahead of the game or you risk falling too far behind. So make sure you know exactly what your priorities are and treat them as such. 

To do lists and GANTT charts are life savers - On your worst days,  refer to these to reorient yourself and stay on track. Make sure they’re always up to date, kept neat, and, most importantly, realistic. 

Self-care is critical - And no, I don’t just mean bubble baths with scented candles every night, although those are definitely helpful. Self-care is looking after your mental, physical, and emotional well-being. Pushing yourself too hard can end really badly. Use me as an example, I pushed myself too hard physically and damaged my spine, which resulted in me taking a week off work. I won’t even mention the amount of mental health set backs I’ve had. So, do whatever it is that allows you to rest your bones, de-frazzles your mind, makes you happy, helps you feel better, and makes you feel like you can keep going. 

You have to learn to say ‘no’ - This will probably be something you’re not used to or are comfortable doing, but I have learned from personal experience that this is literally the most important thing when it comes to  looking after yourself and avoiding burnout. 

Your personal growth is impossible to ignore - Who you are when you start your PhD is definitely not the person you will be at the end. You never stop learning and developing in a PhD, but like, at an accelerated rate. I find it fascinating looking back at my progress reports; something that may have felt impossible 6 months ago is now the norm. 

Rely on your supervisors for help - THIS IS SO IMPORTANT. You DO NOT have to do everything alone. Ask questions, talk to them about your problems, seek their advice. And if they make you feel inferior, uncomfortable, stupid, or make themselves unavailable to you, contact your student support office/r, because a supervisor should NEVER do that. Furthermore, don’t be afraid to voice your opinions and stand your ground with your superiors, they are only human, just like you, and if you feel like they are misguiding or misunderstanding you, tell them. This is your PhD, not anybody else’s. 

Remember that your PhD is your work not your life - As hard as that may be. That is all. 

My ways of coping with the challenges of doing a PhD:

Spend time with animals and in nature - Honestly, if I had to choose just one bit of advice, it’d be this. Animals are the definition of joy, and being in nature always reminds me how beautiful the world can be, irrespective of how dark and rubbish mine may feel at times. 

Sleep - Getting enough sleep makes my anxiety more manageable, my mood better, and means I have more energy to deal with what life has to throw at me. Don’t listen to how much sleep you “should” have, instead listen to your body and work with it. Personally, I aim for at least 8 hours a night. 

Minimalism - I have mentioned minimalism many times on my blog. The benefits of this lifestyle are countless. With respect to my PhD, living with less allows me to have more room to breathe and think. It also means I spend more time on experiences instead of material things. Minimalism also allows me to live intentionally and aligns with my personal values. This in return means that I am more at peace with the life I lead outside of my PhD. 

Save money - Not only do savings mean a sense of security, but having money set aside can be really helpful if you are in need of a getaway or simply want to treat yourself without getting into debt. Furthermore, as there is no guarantee of a job straight after your PhD, or if your funding runs out before you finish, it is essential to have some savings as a safety net to fall on if need be. 

Read - I use books as a form of escape from reality, typically reading either before bed or in the morning before work. It helps take my mind off  the stresses that clutter my brain.

Exercise, eat healthy, and drink plenty of water - I know you’ve heard it all before, but here it is again. It works.

Red Bull (as a last resort) - There are many things in life that have impacted my ability to focus this year, including long drives, bad news, sleepless nights, and mental health issues. However, life doesn’t stop when you want to and so when I’m really struggling I turn to Red Bull for help, and it really does help me. (I don’t drink coffee and tea doesn’t cut it). I always ensure not to drink more than one can a day or drink alcohol within the same 24 hours that I’ve drank Red Bull in. 

How I try to cope with mental health set backs: Disclaimer: ‘Try’ is a critical word here as it is not always easy or straightforward to do the below, and, sadly, sometimes none of these suggestions work. 

Talk about it - I HATE talking about my mental health issues to people as I don’t want to burden my friends, upset my family, or appear weak at work. However, there are times where I’ve had to, and it’s helped. I mainly talk to my boyfriend about it, but should probably see a therapist. Hey ho, small steps. If you really can’t talk about it, write about it, either publicly or privately. 

Perspective - I have been watching a show called ‘New Amsterdam’ recently, which has really helped me see how insignificant some of my problems are. That’s not to say you’re not allowed to feel like crap just because you’re not having open heart surgery, of course you are, but trying to do things that change your perspective can be very helpful in coming out of a mental health episode. Geddit?

Give back - There is always someone having a worse time than you and nothing helps to snap you out of your pity party like lending a helping hand. Whether it’s volunteering at a homeless shelter, running a marathon for charity, or simply donating what you can to a cause you believe in. Give back. 

Headspace - I’m sure you’ve heard of this app/website, if not, here it is. Personally, I don’t like Andy Puddicombes voice, or listening to a human in general, so I don’t use the platform for meditation, but they do have a great range of sleepcasts and sounds, which I use to combat my insomnia. 

Calming medication (natural) - I use an essential oil aromatherapy roller ball to help me overcome an anxious episode or get me off to sleep. Personally, I use Tisserand for these. I also use Rescue Remedy drops for the same reason (these contain alcohol so aren’t for everyone). 

Get the F off of social media for a while - Honestly, your phone isn’t an essential organ, take a break from it, see what wonders it can do for you.

Cut out toxic/negative people - Fill your life with wholesome people, get rid of anyone that makes your recovery impossible, or your life difficult. Be as harsh as you need to be, cry about it, drink about it, but do it, and don’t go back. Here’s a great song to support you through this.  

That is all folks. It took me all day to write this, so I hope it’s at least somewhat helpful. ❤ Peace. 

Photo: A photo of a sunset that made me feel better after an especially difficult day. Source: My camera.

[hobiorbit]

3′s a crowd II (m.)

pairing: kim namjoon x reader, kim namjoon x jeon jungkook, future(?) jeon jungkook x reader warnings: angst, cheating, emotional and physical infidelity, consenseual infidelity, polyamory/open relationships (done wrong, of course), mild smut, slight dirty talk, blow jobs, exhibitionism summary: in which it hurts too much to let namjoon go, so you let him ruin you slowly. 

“Hello, it’s nice to finally meet you.” The man in front of you said. Never in your entire life had someone said so little to you, yet so much.

Finally.

That was the word that got you, the one that dried your tongue and made your stomach twist into a horrid knot. Finally meant things were going on for long, long before you ever caught them. Long enough for Jungkook to become familiar with you, despite you not even knowing he existed.

Nonetheless, you forced a smile and gave him a timid nod. His entire being exuded confidence- he was self assured, no doubt. Something you were not, most of the time. Another thing Namjoon probably had gotten tired of.

“It’s nice to meet you too.” You told him quietly. There were no doubts that Namjoon’s side piece was attractive- only the best for him, you assumed. Shooting a glance at Namjoon, you observed him. There was a genuine smile on his lips, something that felt entirely inappropriate for the situation.

It was almost as if he was introducing two people to each other, two people he loved very much. You wondered just when Jungkook had taken your place as the apple of Namjoon’s eye.

“I don’t think we should waste time.” Jungkook finally spoke up again, breaking your boyfriend out of his trance. You did not miss the way he grabbed Jungkook’s hand fleetingly, before dropping it and looking at you panicked. Your voice was completely void of emotion. This had been normal ever since that fated day, and it hurt Namjoon. Usually, you were expressive. Now you were withdrawn, no doubt shoving your emotions down into the depths of your mind.

“Right. Y/N and I talked, and came to agree on a couple of things.” You shrank farther into yourself, noticing how Jungkook sent you a glance. You wanted to say you really didn’t have a choice, that agreeing would be far from what actually happened, but you instead bit your tongue and decided it would be best for Namjoon to do the talking.

“And what would those be?” Jungkook asked, tilting his head and exposing the honeyed skin of his neck. Namjoon zeroed in on it, pupils blown wide and becoming speechless for a second before composing himself. It had barely been five minutes and your self confidence had fallen into the negatives.

“We’ve decided we’d be open to a polyamorous relationship, so I can have time with you both. Of course, Y/N, look at me,” Namjoon paused, turning his head toward you and pulling your head up to meet his gaze. You did so, albeit slowly.

“You are still my priority, the love of my life. And because of this, I’m promising to make time for you. To give you everything you need and deserve in a relationship. Do you understand, sweetheart?” Namjoon asked. You blinked at him a couple of times before nodding solemnly. It was nice that he was trying to make you feel included, it really was. But you were starting to become convinced that nothing would be able to heal the large whole in your heart.

Not only this, but Jungkook did not try to hide the way he rolled his eyes. You guessed you could understand- he did feel an attachment to Namjoon, whether it was under good circumstances or not.

“Any questions?” Namjoon asked the other man, knowing that the two of you had already worked everything out prior to his appearance. Jungkook nodded his head.

“Am I supposed to be involved with Y/N too?” Jungkook asked. There was nothing rude or condescending about his tone, but you found yourself tensing up. Namjoon raised his eyebrows in surprise.

“Um, supposed to be? No. I guess if a little down the line things change, I can’t exactly keep you away from each other.” Namjoon answered. You looked at him incredulously, practically agreeing to let another man have you- whether he wanted anything to do with you or not. Jungkook didn’t seem very phased, merely nodding at the answer he was given.

“Secondly- what is our time together?” Jungkook asked, a question only for Namjoon. You almost felt like leaving the room, feeling intrusive and all too sad at the same time. Namjoon cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable speaking about it in front of you. However, he didn’t ask you to leave.

“We have our guest bedroom set up for you, so you can stay when you want. I doubt you’d want to downsize from your space, but you can come here when it’s, um, called for. I plan on planning date nights with Y/N at least a week prior, so we can avoid conflicting schedules.”

Jesus, Namjoon. Way to make your failing relationship sound like an odd business meeting. Even Jungkook felt uncomfortable.

“Right.” Was what he ended up saying. You let out a sigh of relief when no more questions fell from Jungkook’s mouth, leaving the three of you in a deafening silence.

-

“I think that went pretty well.” Namjoon said, smiling proudly to himself. You two were currently in your shared bedroom, getting ready for one of your new infamous date nights. Truth be told, you were a bit excited even despite the circumstances. Namjoon hardly took you out anymore, either consumed by work or… other things.

“I suppose.” You said quietly, knowing Jungkook hadn’t left the house. The special thing about the date you were going on was that it was a three way date. He had set up camp in the guest bedroom as he awaited you and Namjoon, probably not nearly as nervous as you were.

You studied yourself and your outfit in the mirror, feeling entirely torn at your appearance. The dress you were wearing was one you felt good about when you’d first bought it, but now as you studied your appearance you could only pick out things you weren’t fond of.

“Stop that. You look so beautiful, darling. I’m so lucky to have you.” Namjoon said, coming up behind you before circling his arms around your waist and giving a chaste kiss to your cheek. You let a small smile play at your lips from his behavior.

“You ready, sweetheart?” Namjoon whispered in your ear, causing goosebumps to raise along your skin. You nodded, a silent answer. He grabbed your hand and led you out of the bedroom, asking you to wait as he grabbed Jungkook.

You simply stood where he’d left you in the hallway, adjacent to the guest bedroom. From the angle, you could see into the bedroom, but they could not see you. You didn’t entertain the thought of spying- idly twiddling your fingers as you awaited your boyfriend and his boyfriend’s return.

In fact, you had a surprisingly easy time blocking your surroundings out until you heard a musical giggle, making you snap your gaze up to look at the source of the sound. Your eyes were greeted with the less than inviting sight of your boyfriend smiling widely at Jungkook, large hands on his cheeks as he repeatedly pressed cheeks to the other man’s lips.

You hated the feelings that consumed you. The jealousy, the inferiority, the sadness that welled in your stomach and dispersed to every area of your body was something that you told yourself to get ready to become acquainted with. For this would be something you would be feeling often, and your feelings were invalid due to the own agreement you’d made with Namjoon and the man he was currently all over.

Taking in a sharp breath through your nose, you walked out to the foyer to put your shoes on, deciding waiting in the car would be best. At least you’d get shot gun.

“Baby, you left so fast! That excited?” Namjoon asked you joyously when he’d finally gotten into the car. You took notice to the slickness of his neck, the redness of his cheeks, and the plumpness of his lips. Nodding with a probably less than inviting face, you answered him. “I guess you could say that.” You said in the soft, melodic voice.

If Jungkook didn’t like being in the back seat, he made no qualms about it. You were acutely aware of his existence. It was as if his presence was actually palpable, wrapping around you and almost choking you. The baby-ish face he had was one that you could be fooled by, something akin to the luminous allure of a poisonous flower.

You were not one to be fooled.

“This new place just opened up. I’m sure you’ll love it, hyung.” Jungkook finally said from the back seat, almost making you jump at the sudden disruption. From the corner of your eye, you saw Namjoon give a famous dimpled smile.

“You have good taste, Kookie. I think we’ll both love it.” Namjoon said, bringing a hand down from the steering wheel to pat your bare thigh, due to your dress riding up from when you’d sat down.

Jungkook observed the action, seeing the way your plush skin welcomed Namjoon’s hand. He took notice to how Namjoon’s hand decided to stay where it was, positively wrapped in the warmth of your flesh, the sigh positively attractive as well as envy inducing.

 The younger man was caught between a rock and a hard place. He had no problems with messing around with a taken man, preferred it even- and then he saw you, met you, and realized maybe the situation he’d gotten himself into wasn’t as cleanly cut as he’d previously conceived.

And instead of contacting the moral side of himself, stepping back and looking at the chaos that had formed, he simply ignored it and went with it. Because he’d found himself falling in love, just as you did once before.

“Ah, we’re here.” Namjoon’s honeyed voice cut through the silence once more, his hand breaking contact with your leg to put his car into park. He got out of the car swiftly, walking around to the other side to open Jungkook’s door at him. You tried not to let embarrassment consume you, opening your door yourself and following the two men inside.

Things got worse when the waitress had set your reservation to a booth, leaving you to sit alone, across from your boyfriend. Oh, and your boyfriend’s boyfriend.

“What can I get you guys? Maybe some wine for the couple?” Your waitress had asked, her gleaming eyes smiling down at Namjoon and Jungkook. From what you saw, neither of them faltered.

“What do you recommend?” Jungkook inquired, tilting his head to the side in curiosity. Namjoon smiled at the action, almost cooing at how cute the other was. You felt cold on your side of the booth, and even after surveying the entire area, you were nowhere near a vent, or a poorly ventilated window.

Nonetheless, a gentle smile never left your lips, only the emptiness of your gaze leading any observant person to understand that you were not happy. You were brought back to reality when Namjoon reached across the table to grab your hand with his free one.

“I ended up getting Pinot Grigio. I know you like it.” Namjoon said to you. You tilted your head, but shook it slightly. “You must’ve gotten us mixed up. My favorite it Moscato- I like fruity wines.” You said simply, letting your hand go limp in his grasp, leaving him no choice but to take it back, smile faltering.

Jungkook only giggled at your boyfriend’s mistake, finding it awfully endearing that Namjoon had categorized his tastes over yours. You, however, felt embarrassed.

You spent dinner sipping water, thoroughly disinterested in the wine Namjoon had picked out. Things began to get worse inside your mind, coming to the dreaded realization that you had been unknowingly selected as the designated driver for the night. When the waitress came along with the bill, Namjoon pulled his wallet out, hands picking out crisp dollar bills as he told your waitress to keep the change.

Judging by the look on her face, it was a large one. Jungkook laughed and placed his hands flirtatiously on Namjoon’s chest, thoroughly affected by Namjoon’s display of ‘manliness.’

When they’d both agreed to leave, you swiftly turned on your heel, wanting nothing more than to get to the car. You were all the way to the car when you realized Namjoon still had his keys, causing you to march back to the happy couple to ask for them.

“Oh, sweetheart. There you are.” Namjoon said, trying to push Jungkook away from his neck. The younger was clearly more affected by the alcohol than Namjoon was, and it was very apparent that he was an affectionate drunk.

“I need the keys, please.” You spoke quietly, submissively. Even when your gaze was met with the warmth of Namjoon’s you could feel coldness slightering up your spine, causing miniscule shivers to wrack your body. Even without looking, you could tell that Jungkook had taken keen notice to you.

It was intimidating, to say the least.

Nonetheless, Namjoon dug into his pockets and gave you the keys to his car. You got in the driver’s side, fully expecting Namjoon to get in next to you. Except he didn’t and decided the backseat with Jungkook was very much more enjoyable.

“I’m a chauffeur for my boyfriend and his boyfriend.” You muttered to yourself dejectedly as you powered the car on, voice hidden by the whirr of the engine and the soft hum of the radio. And to top it all off, the entire ride home was filled with the drunken giggles and whispers of the two men in the backseat.

Only once did you look into the rear view mirror, met with the cold gaze of Jungkook’s eyes while Namjoon was sucking splotches into his neck. He didn’t smile, nor did he frown. Leaving you completely frazzled with a horrible feeling running through your veins.

When you got home you practically ran into the house with your tail in between your legs. Your breath was coming out in short pants, leaving you to try and calm yourself down quickly and efficiently before you were met with Namjoon and Jungkook.

Your bedroom was the one place you could go for some silence, or at least to get away from the presence of the other man.

Shrugging off your heels and your dress, you shuffled to your shared dresser, pulling out a night shirt and some comfy pajama shorts.The shirt you’d picked out hardly looked familiar, but Namjoon was infamous for keeping more T shirts than he needed, so you really didn’t think much of it.

Namjoon finally came into your room a couple minutes after you’d laid down, having finished your night time routine. He made a noise of surprise when he found the room dark, looming over your blanket clas figure.

“Are you sleeping already, baby?” Namjoon asked you softly. You opened your eyes to look at him, and even in the darkness of your bedroom he still managed to get awestruck by your beauty.

“I’m tired.” You said simply, softly. He smiled at your choice of words, loosening his tie and bending down to leave a plush kiss against the skin of your forehead. He didn’t say anything after that, opting to throw his dirty clothes in the hamper as he also put his pajamas on. Or, lack of thereof- Namjoon usually just wore boxers and a shirt to bed.

You felt the bed dip with his added weight, feeling your body bob up and down on the material of the mattress as Namjoon slid up behind you, wrapping his arms around your midsection and burying his nose into the crook of your neck. He left a couple loving kisses there before speaking his last words to you for the night.

“Thank you for tonight, sweetheart. You’re amazing, and I had a great time. I love you, baby.” He said to you, closing his eyes and holding his breath as he waited for your response.

Except there wasn’t one, only the soft inhales and exhales of your breathing. Namjoon tried to remind himself that the pain he felt in his heart was probably nothing compared to what you were experiencing, opting to hold you tighter as he tried to fall asleep.

-

Namjoon jumped awake, groaning quietly as he tried to adjust his eyes. Judging by his surroundings, it was definitely still night time. His arms were still secured around you and he didn’t feel the need to use the bathroom, so he was entirely confused.

Well, until he felt the familiar feather-like touch of Jungkook’s hand trailing down his side, leaving goosebumps under the fabric of his nightshirt. Jungkook brought his lips to Namjoon’s ears, letting out a soft whimper that made Namjoon harden against you.

“What’re you doing in here, Kookie?” Namjoon asked the younger boy, only getting more teasing sounds and touches in response. The older man knew this was wrong, knew you could wake up and feel horribly uneasy at the events precipitating behind you. Yet his arousal seemed to be more important than your comfort in that moment, because he carefully unwrapped his arms from your body and turned to lay on his back, Jungkook hovering above him.

Due to the sudden change in position, you sleepily turned your body, so your sleeping face was directly to the right of Namjoon, only heightening his guilty conscious. Jungkook smirked at your sleeping form, eyes trailing down to your midsection, realizing what you were dressed in.

“For someone who doesn’t like me all that much, she seems to enjoy wearing my clothes, huh hyung?” Jungkook asked in a teasing tone, making Namjoon furrowed his eyebrows in confusion before turning his head to look at you, realization morphing his features.

So that’s why the shirt you picked out didn’t look familiar- it wasn’t even Namjoon’s. Just something Jungkook left during one of their escapades.

“She probably thought it was mine. She wouldn’t wear it if she knew it was yours.” Namjoon said softly, defending you against the younger boy. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t notice the one sided competition between you and Jungkook, but that didn’t really give him an incentive to stop it.

“Mm, whatever you say hyungie,” Jungkook said, rolling his hips delicately along Namjoon’s length, coaxing him to full hardness. Namjoon let out a quiet hiss of breath, hands coming up to grip Jungkook’s sides.

“We shouldn’t be doing this, baby boy.” Your boyfriend said lowly, body betraying him. Jungkook opened his eyes widely, in faux innocence.

“Shouldn’t be doing what, hyungie? I want your cock, is that so wrong? Wanna stuff it in my mouth and suck it until you come down my throat… You teased me so much earlier, it’s only fair I get to do the same, right?” Jungkook asked, referencing to the earlier events that transcended before Namjoon even made it to your bedroom. He’d bent Jungkook over the edge of his bed, stuffing his fingers in his aching hole and pounding his prostate until he released over the sheets, pathetic whimpers escaping his lips.

Namjoon shivered at the memory, grip lessening on the younger’s hips. “Fine, hurry up, though. You’re such a whore, you know that?” Namjoon insulted the younger, watching as his eyes went to the back of his head in enjoyment. Jungkook hurriedly slid off of Namjoon’s hips, finding space in between his legs and pulling his member out of his boxers.

The younger whimpered when he was eye to eye with Namjoon’s cock, salivating at the way beads of precum rolled down his girthy shaft. The older carded his hands through his hair, pulling at the root as Jungkook took his tip into his mouth, swirling his tongue around it slowly.

“Such a little slut. Can’t keep to yourself, can you?” Namjoon spat quietly, watching the younger bob up and down his shaft excitedly. Namjoon supposed this was the thing that lead him to Jungkook: The way he liked to be roughly handled, the way he worked him up.

Namjoon couldn’t even think of uttering an insult your way. He’d get tongue tied and would feel horrible, whether you liked it or not. Namjoon had never ventured into a kinkier side of sex with you, because everything was always perfect as it was, and he didn’t want to ruin it.

NAmjoon knew you’d do anything for him, and trying out his sexual preferences was one of them. That wasn’t the problem, at all. It was having someone he could take out his sick frustrations on, and Jungkook was eager to receive it.

This proved true, characterized by the way he was slobbering all over Namjoon’s dick, slick noises coming from his mouth with every movement. Namjoon tried to keep quiet, making sure that you wouldn’t wake to witness the scene in front of you.

Even with his climax approaching, he looked over at you, to make sure you were still okay. The way your eyelashes fluttered in your sleep, the way your mouth was slightly ajar to let out your tiny puffs of air. This was the end of him, the scene that brought him to climax.

Jungkook swallowed everything Namjoon gave him, going as far to lick his lips in front of Namjoon’s face. The older smiled and rolled his eyes.

“Go back to bed, you little minx.” Namjoon said fondly. Jungkook hummed and pressed a passionate kiss to Namjoon’s lips, looking at your face one more time before smiling and leaving the room.

You only let your tears fall when the familiar sound of Namjoon’s snores resounded in the room.

[crusherthedoctor]

Sonic Villains: Sweet or Shite? - Part 10: INFINITE

There are some villains I like. And there are some villains I don’t like. But why do I feel about them the way I do? That’s where this comes in.

This is a series of mine in which I go into slightly more detail about my thoughts on the villains in the Sonic the Hedgehog franchise, and why I think they either work well, or fall flat (or somewhere in-between). I’ll be giving my stance on their designs, their personalities, and what they had to show for themselves in the game(s) they featured in. Keep in mind that these are just my own personal thoughts. Whether you agree or disagree, feel free to share your own thoughts and opinions! I don’t bite. :>

Anyhow, for today’s installment, we’ll be sharpening our blades and resisting the pain as we discuss what it takes to be the right-hand henchman of Sonic Forces: Infinite.

The Gist: Dr. Eggman was minding his evildoing business when one day, from thin air emerged a particularly strange jewel that seemed to be drawn to him. Realising this was no mere Chaos Emerald, due to both its peculiar shape and its bizarre reality-distorting effects, Eggman immediately contemplated how he could effectively utilise this new gemstone for his purposes.

Suddenly, jackals!

“Go forth, Red Shirts!”

Eggman's base was under attack by the imaginatively titled Jackal Squad, a group of thieving mercenaries who figured they could profit from the theft of the doctor's equipment. Unfortunately for them, Eggman had Main Character Immunity, so their efforts to kill him send him to the Shadow Realm fell flat. Despite nearly getting killed by them, Eggman knew an opportunity when he saw one, and he offered the role of apprenticeship to the squad's heterochromia-inflicted leader. His fellow jackals insisted not to take up the offer, because even they knew the risks, but the leader signed up immediately, because he's not all right in the head if you know what I'm saying.

In a cruel twist of fate, Eggman's first request for his new stooges was for them to take care of Shadow the Hedgehog. That Shadow the Hedgehog. Ultimate Lifeform Shadow the Hedgehog. Fast, immortal, capable of stopping time, drops his bracelets to grow even stronger Shadow the Hedgehog. They had to defeat that Shadow the Hedgehog.

They did not succeed.

BOOOONESAAAAAW’S READYYYYYYYY

After metaphorically and literally murdering the rest of the already forgotten squad, Shadow gave some parting words to their defeated leader, and those parting words were responsible for what happened next, and everything after. As someone who prided himself on being the ultimate mercenary, Mr. Jackal was bloody well peeved off about coming to terms with his physical shortcomings, and thus decided to give himself an upgrade in the form of sticking a gem on his chest, putting on a mask worthy of a heavy metal cover, and rechristening himself as... Infinite. Infinite power. Infinite possibilities. Infinite memes.

The upgrade paid off. With the aid of the gem, known to us as the Phantom Ruby, Eggman's latest minion was able to distort the environment, summon past foes, and do what no other villain not retconned out of existence had ever managed to achieve: defeat Sonic the Hedgehog.

Eggman was delighted. The past foes were delighted too, as evidenced by how they stood there to take it all in.

This is a very sentimental moment for them.

With Sonic out of the way, Eggman was able to take over 99% of the planet, because Sonic's friends were tragically all on holiday at the same time. During the subsequent six months of suffering and strife, Infinite relished in the doctor's conquest, but not as much as he relished in killing and terrorizing innocents. One incident in particular involved him leaving behind a scared youngster for the sake of letting them know fear. This would turn out to be a big mistake on his part, when - with the ever reliable power of friendship - said youngster would go on to oppose him as part of the Resistance. (This franchise isn't known for creative group names.)

“L’Oreal: Because I’m not weak.”

The formerly incapacitated Sonic also managed to eventually break free from his captivity, and proceeded to do what he does best alongside his new friend. Infinite was having none of this, and so he made absolutely certain to... leave him alive. Despite Eggman's insistence that a freed Sonic could cause as much trouble as a freed Sonic could in every other situation since 1991, Infinite remained confident that he couldn't be beaten. Three guesses for how that turned out. The first two don't count.

He was serious about crushing the Resistance though, and together with Eggman, not only did they summon a whole army of clones, they also summoned an artificial sun that, upon reaching the ground, would ensure the Resistance would meet a terrible fate. Good always triumphs however, and the clones were fought, the sun was vanquished, and Infinite himself was defeated once and for all.

It was at this point that Eggman decided to reveal that Infinite was a sham, a distraction, a red herring. For all his power, Infinite was little more than a glorified mook the whole time. Infinite was never the doctor's endgame. He was. Infinite didn't even have true mastery over the Phantom Ruby... but he did.

Death Chad Robot.

In just a few minutes, Eggman tapped into the power of the Ruby more than Infinite ever did, and overclocked it to turn his Doc Ock-looking mech into a beast. But through thick and thin (and a second Nega-Wisp Armor), Sonic and his ambiguously named friend teamed up to take the madman down, because we're Sonic Heroes.

The world was saved from further tyranny, and Eggman went on to either lose his memory or shrug it off to take part in racing spinoffs depending on the continuity. But Infinite - or rather, the jackal who called himself Infinite - remains absent. He could be alive. He could be dead. He could finally get a haircut. His fate is a mystery that we may never know the answer to. Maybe he's spending his retirement climbing the tallest of mountains.

The Design: Careful you don't cut yourself with all this edge.

You could have gotten yourself an eyepatch for half the price.

Demonic eyes, dark colours, anime hair... he's a villain alright. Infinite's design is unashamed of itself. It knows it's ridiculous, and it goes all out with it, which - let's be frank - matches the character in general pretty reasonably. Funnily enough, I don't have much else to say about it. It's not my favourite character design in the world, but I can credit them for pioneering loudspeaker ears. And at least he's not a hedgehog. Or an echidna.

If you listen carefully, you can hear Shadow sighing in relief under the knowledge that he's no longer the edgiest guy in the room.

The Personality: What's an easy way to make a villain a villain? By making them pointlessly sadistic, of course.

"You may call this the Sonic Chronicles soundtrack... in the brief moments that remain to your eardrums."

And I don't speak lightly when I say pointless. Infinite's penchant for sadism is actually treated as a character flaw, as it contributes heavily to his ultimate downfall. He wastes time by drawing out his kills, and his decision to leave his greatest foes alive because they're supposedly "not worth killing" bites him in the ass on more than one occasion. Even Eggman calls him out on his shitty decisions.

"Don't get cocky with me, son. This ain't the Adventure Era anymore.”

And this ties in with how he is in general. Infinite, for all his delusions of grandeur and nihilistic waxing, is a bit of a fuck up. Him and his squad combined couldn't even take on Eggman on his own (albeit with a Phantom Ruby in his possession), and when the mask comes on, it becomes clear that he only defeated Sonic through the element of unfamiliarity. Once Sonic starts to know about him and fights him for real, Infinite doesn't rely on the Phantom Ruby nearly as well as he could. He has a jewel that can do all sorts of distortions, and all he can think to do with it is use basic lasers and blasts for the most part. He's a thug at the end of the day. A powerful thug, but a thug all the same.

Despite this, though it's only hinted here and there, it seems that he has an Inferiority Superiority Complex. His passionate response to Shadow calling him pathetic (ironically, he never actually said he was weak) goes without saying, but then there's his dramatic speeches about having no hope, and how you can't count on anyone, and blah blah blah eat a Snickers already.

The Execution: Much like Erazor Djinn, you may have gathered that this character has a lot in common with everyone's favourite Ice Age antique, Mephiles the Dark. Like Erazor, Infinite is a better (albeit flawed) take on Mephiles' schtick, but whereas Erazor better emulates the success that Mephiles tried to go for, Infinite better represents the failure that Mephiles actually is... right down to showing how Silver would react if he had actual brain cells.

Above: Character development.

Hell, they both share the fate of getting swatted by Omega.

Not bitter at all.

Anyway, to explain this requires some elaboration. I'm aware that a lot of what I've said about Infinite sounds negative, and that's not entirely untrue, since I'll be the first to admit that he could have been handled a little better, and fleshed out a bit more, especially with all the pre-release hype and attention he was given. At the same time however, he's still leagues above the likes of Mephiles, for one simple reason that we discussed previously: his incompetence is intentional.

Maybe not fully - the pre-Infinite breakdown probably wasn't meant to be as comedic as it ended up being - but you can't tell me his setbacks weren't there on purpose. Eggman lost the war because Infinite left his enemies alive and free. Eggman lost the war because Infinite clumsily left a Phantom Ruby replica behind. Eggman lost the war because Infinite kept messing around when he had better things to do, didn't know what to do other than blindly attack when the chips were down, and got disposed of with little fanfare by the doctor after having failed him enough times. Compare all this to Eggman himself in the same game, who despite being known for his childishness and occasional shortsightedness, had a lot of genuine foresight to share around, and went from backup plan to backup plan like it was nothing.

In other words, Infinite could be seen as a well-needed deconstruction of villains like Mephiles, and why they're not as great as they look at first glance. And in that respect, he's kind of a genius concept.

“Ugh, MORE shitty friends...”

Infinite is a very divisive character, and I can see why. Alongside his far from perfect execution, many fans were expecting and hoping for a straight example of late 00's Sonic villains, in part because that's what the marketing and his infamous theme song set him up as and partly because '06 is now considered better than everything afterwards because Baldy McNosehair is literally oppressing all Sonic fans across the world. If you're like me on the other hand, and don't have the slightest unironic interest in those kind of villains, you can probably respect Infinite a little more for addressing the elephant in the room. And even though he is indeed flawed, I think most of that has to do with the wasted potential of the plot itself rather than anything inherently to do with Infinite's own character.

He's no Eggman, Erazor, Metal Sonic, or Hard-Boiled Heavies. But he's above Mephiles, Black Doom, Eggman Nega, and so many others who blend together after a while. Still, maybe someone should assist Shadow the next time he decides to insult somebody.

Crusher Gives Infinite a: Thumbs Sideways!

[elementsofemotion]

Chapter 3: Fallen Leaves

As the sun rose into the sky, dapples of light slowly began to peek through the forest’s thick canopy. In the early hours of the morning the songbirds chirped, once again welcoming the warmth of the new day.

Caelian lied safely in his hollow under the roots, curled up into a ball on top of his over-sized flower bed. He was more lazily splayed out than usual, with his wings being a ruffled mess on either side of him. He stirred slightly in his sleep as a beam of light slowly crawled over to his face. He groaned as he covered his eyes with one of his wings, before rolling over and out of the sunlight.

He never appreciated the sun using it’s light as an alarm clock. He’d rather wake up whenever his body decided to, which was why he had taken to covering himself with his wings while he slept. Unfortunately, his tossing and turning in the night sometimes ruined his lazy sleep schedule.

He let his wings fold up against his back as his eyes drowsily blinked open. It was then that the memories of the previous day flooded back to him, and upon realizing that he still needed to return to Gaia, he forced himself up into a sitting position. He yawned as he grabbed onto one of the thick roots above him, using it as leverage to pull himself out into the open. Finally having enough room to stretch, he let his wings unfurl as he raised his arms. His wings shuddered as they were held out at their full length, before folding up against his back once again as he dropped his arms.

"Oh, you’re already awake.”

The voice caused Caelian to crane his neck upwards to see Nathaniel hovering in the air above him.

“Good,” Nathaniel said, “Don’t have to waste 15 minutes of my day waking you up.”

“It doesn’t take that long, does it?” Caelian asked, watching as Nathaniel drifted down and landed on one of the high-arching roots in front of him.

“It does. Sometimes, even longer,” He sighed, “But you’re up, so it’s fine. Surprising though, I figured you’d be super hard to wake up today, with all that running you were doing last night. What was up with that, anyways?”

“I’m not sure, actually,” Caelian said, as he tilted his head, “I just… felt like I needed to.”

“Excess energy, I guess,” Nathaniel shrugged, “Riemos sure likes to randomly fire you up. Well, go ahead and report back to Gaia, then. She’s been waiting long enough.”

“Are you not coming?” Caelian asked, as Nathaniel fluttered back into the air.

Nathaniel shook his tiny head, “Nah, I have stuff I need to do. Just don’t fall or anything, okay? And NO,” He quickly interjected, as Caelian began to open his mouth, “Do NOT just rely on Iaestia. Learn to like, at least GLIDE or something. Sheesh. Six wings. Can’t fly. Useless. Why have em.”

Nathaniel mumbled to himself as he zipped off into the forest, disappearing among the trees and leaving a small trail of glitter slowly falling down to the ground behind him. Caelian sat there for a moment, staring off into the direction he had vanished.

He absolutely was going to rely on Iaestia.

Caelian stood up and brushed off some moss that had been clinging to his clothes, before carefully navigating through the roots. As soon as his feet were able to hit solid ground again, he took off quickly through the forest in the direction of the Great Tree. If there was one thing Caelian could ever say he was good at, it was endurance. Sure, he wasn’t particularly fast, or strong, but by the time he reached the top of the spiraling stairway leading to Gaia’s dwelling, he wasn’t even tired or winded. He had even ran a bit to save time. Something Nathaniel definitely wouldn’t have approved of, but he wasn’t here right now to voice his worry about Caelian slipping and falling. As Caelian stepped underneath the shaded canopy, he paused. “Gaia?” He called, not immediately seeing her in her usual spot, curled up against her giant moss ball. He took a few steps forward, glancing around before his eyes locked onto a smaller figure. They were standing in front of the giant opening in the back of the room that looked out over the forest.

“Gaia!” Caelian called again as he ran over to her.

The goddess turned as Caelian called out, giving him a smile as he stopped in front of her. Even at a more “normal” size and height, she was still a few inches taller than him.

“Good morning, Caelian,” She said in her gentle voice, “I think this is the earliest you’ve ever come to visit me,” She laughed. “Is it?” Caelian asked, his tail lightly brushing across the floor. “The sun isn’t usually this low in the sky. That aside, Nathaniel said you’d visit today since you got back late last night. Tell me, is everything well in the town?”

“Oh, yeah! Everything seems to be, at least… Nobody really needed me for anything.” “I see,” Gaia gave him an empathetic smile, “Regardless of whether they needed you or not, thank you for checking in. I take it Garson had nothing to request of me either, then?” “He didn’t really mention you, honestly,” Caelian said, “He just… didn’t seem to like that I was there at all, I guess. He said that I should stop bothering to go back to the town.” “I see,” Gaia said softly, turning to look out over the forest. She let out a soft sigh, “Garson is a prideful man. I’m sure you can tell by now that he thinks I should have chosen him as my disciple. I can tell that many of the denizens agree with him.” Caelian watched as Gaia turned and slowly walked towards the center of the room. “But pride isn’t what I need in a disciple,” Gaia continued, stopping to face Caelian again from the middle of the room. “His envy merely shows he was never suited for the position.”

“Envy?” Caelian asked as he approached Gaia, stopping when he reached her side, “What does that mean?”

Gaia took a moment before answering, as she stared off in thought. “Envy is… something that starts from thoughts of comparison. Thoughts of inferiority and superiority. The outcome of someone thinking somebody else is better than them. It’s a desperate and bitter sense of wanting what someone else has. Garson has an ego, and feels by me choosing you over him, that he doesn’t measure up to you. That his accomplishments mean nothing, since he wasn’t chosen. So in turn, he may hate you for it. Envy is like a poison that rots the soul.” “Oh, thats…” Caelian paused, “It doesn’t… sound nice. Is… is that one of the emotions I don’t have?” “It is.” Caelian thought for a moment. Being something he wasn’t able to feel, he couldn’t really comprehend that sort of emotion. But from Gaia’s explanation, he could almost understand the cause for whatever that feeling was, at least. “Hey, Gaia?” Caelian asked after a few more moments of pause, “Before you never really explained negative emotions to me if I asked about them… I didn’t know envy was one of them, but… you did this time?”

“You’re right, I usually don't,” Gaia let out a soft sigh, “But I’ve been thinking lately… I’m no longer sure if shielding you from such things is what I should be doing anymore.”

Caelian remained silent as she turned to him and gently placed a hand on his shoulder. “Caelian, tell me,” She said quietly, “Last night in the forest, did anything seem unusual?” Caelian racked his mind for a moment, “Well… after Nathaniel went on ahead, after the sun set, I felt… something weird? Like something was watching me. In a weird way, though.”

“I see,” Gaia frowned, “You didn’t see anything?” “No, why?” Gaia gently released Caelian’s shoulder with a soft sigh, clasping her hands together and bringing them near her chest. “I have something I need you to do today, Caelian,” She said, “I’m sorry to bother you with tasks two days in a row.”

“Oh, it’s fine!” Caelian said, his tail wagging as he took a step forward, “What do you need?”

Gaia held out her clasped hands, Caelian watching with curiosity as a yellow glow began to envelope them. She gently lifted them apart as a yellow orb materialized in the space between them. Swirls of orange were spread across its golden surface, moving and twisting freely. It’s pulsing light was bright enough to make Caelian squint as Gaia gently held it out to him.

Caelian gingerly accepted the orb, noting that it was extremely lightweight, as if he wasn’t actually holding anything at all.

"What is it?” He asked, turning it over in his hands as he examined it.

“It’s mana in physical form. I need you to take this to each corner of the realm and leave a piece of it, along with the town.”

“Oh! Do I just break part of it off, then?” Caelian asked. Gaia shook her head and gently placed her hand against the orb. She let her palm rest against it for a moment, before gently digging her fingers in, her hand nearly disappearing as she scooped out part of the orb as if it were a liquid. It quickly reshaped itself into another smaller, perfectly round orb in her palm. While Caelian was staring in awe, she took the smaller orb and pressed it against the original, pushing with her palm as the large orb reabsorbed that which she had taken. “It should be easy for you to do this, since my power flows through you as well,” Gaia explained, “But please, do be careful. This is magic in its purest form. It could easily harm someone if they were to try and touch it.” “Wait, this your mana?” Caelian asked, “Shouldn’t you be conserving it?”

Gaia shook her head, “No, I can’t afford to right now. That presence you felt last night- I feel as though something managed to get through the barrier. I believe you wandered dangerously close to whatever it was.” “But... is that even possible?” Caelian tilted his head slightly, “The barrier is what you’ve been putting all of your energy into, so it should be super strong, right?”

“It is, however, there are a few things I can think of that could have slipped through regardless.” Gaia sighed as she gently wrapped her arms around herself, “Nothing normal should have been able to get through. That is what worries me. I know it’s a lot to ask and that it will take some time, but if you can get my mana fragments spread out, I can get a better sense of where everything is in the forest. If whatever slipped through is a threat, it needs to be located. I could take down my barrier for a bit to have enough mana to sense the realm as I would normally, but it’s too risky. I can’t be everywhere at once, but since this is made from my mana, as long as it's spread out, I won’t have to expend as much energy. The orbs will eventually fade, so I may need you to do this multiple times.” “Okay… But can’t you just take back some of the reserved mana you gave me?” Caelian asked, “Then maybe you’d have enough to keep the barrier up and sense everything in the forest? I don’t want you to be exhausted because you keep using so much mana...”

Gaia smiled, “I appreciate your concern, my little sprout. But don’t worry. Even at my weakest state, I am this realm’s Goddess, and I will be able to protect it. I won’t take back any of the mana I've given you yet. With how little I’ve been able to store in you so far, I’m not even sure it’d be enough. Then our connection would grow weaker for no purpose, and you may not be able to handle the mana orb anymore.”

Caelian looked down at the glowing orb. “Oh,” He said, “So… I guess it’s better this way, huh?” Gaia reached out and gently patted him on the head with a smile, “Worry not, Caelian. It was a good idea, thank you. Someday in the future that may be something I ask of you, but for now,  we’ll have you continue to build it up and strengthen our bond.”

“Okay,” Caelian said, “I’ll place the fragments as fast as I can, then! Um, it might be a few days though, the Eternal Forest is pretty big…”

“I expected it to take a while. I’m sorry, i'm sure it will be tiring for you, but I’m relying on you.”

“Yeah!” Caelian beamed. “Don’t worry, I got it! I wish I could fly, though, I could do it a lot faster that way, I think…”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t able to teach you,” Gaia gave a sympathetic smile as she gave her own wings a light flap, “Someday you’ll manage, though, I’m sure.”

Caelian nodded, “Yeah, I hope so. But okay, I’ll be back in a few days, probably!”

“Leave a fragment in the town first, if you could,” Gaia called after Caelian as he was hurrying out of the treetop, “I’m worried for the forest denizens.”

“I will!” Caelian called back, not turning his head as he replied. He quickly stepped out from under the canopy, the bright sun causing him to squint. Clutching the mana orb tightly, he jumped off the edge of the platform.

Nathaniel wasn’t around to screech at him this time.

As he fell, he briefly considered trying to open his wings and see if anything would come of it,  but quickly dismissed the idea as Iaestia formed her protective bubble around him.

He stood up as soon as the bubble stopped bouncing along the ground and burst open, shaking some of the water off as he hurried into the forest. The shade from the forest canopy mixed with his soaking wet clothes gave him a bit of a chill, but hopefully movement could keep him from getting too cold.

As he neared the edge of town, he wondered what the denizens would think of him visiting two days in a row. He definitely had never done so before. He wished Nathaniel could have been with him, but since he was just meant to leave a mana fragment and didn’t need to visit anyone, it should be fine.

He had half-expected some of the surprised looks he got when he entered town. He noticed some curious looks towards the glowing orb he was holding—it was about the same size, if not a bit larger than his head, so it was pretty attention-grabbing— but nobody stopped him to ask any questions.

He paused to look around, trying to determine where he should leave the fragment. Gaia had said it could injure someone if they touched it, so maybe somewhere out of the way?

“Ah, great. It’s you again.”

Caelian turned at the sound of Garson’s voice to see the man walking towards him with an annoyed expression.

“An’ what in the goddess’ name is that ?” The older man asked, pointing at the mana orb.

“Be careful, Gaia said it can hurt you guys if you touch it,” Caelian said, taking a step back so Garson’s hand wasn’t so close to it, “She asked me to leave a piece of it here.”

“Ah, of course. Should’ve guessed you wouldn’t have come here on your own. Is that some of her mana? What are you doing with that?”

“Something might have gotten through the barrier, so-”

“Bah! As if that’s even possible. The goddess has been protecting us for years, nothin’ can get through her barriers.” Garson interrupted.

“Well, she said something could have. So she asked me to leave a mana fragment here to protect the town.”

Garson folded his arms across his chest as he stared Caelian Down. “If somethin’ DID somehow get  through the barrier, isn't that somethin’ you should be takin’ care of, forest prince ?”

“I am, I’m going to-”

“No, I don’t mean making Gaia weaken herself even more to scatter her mana throughout the realm so she can deal with it. I mean you take care of it.”

“What do you mean?” Caelian asked.

“Ugh, this halfie can’t do anythin, ’” Garson grumbled, as if Caelian wasn’t standing right in front of him, “You know what a disciples job is, right? To assist the goddess and protect the realm? Or are you just planning to be a little mana jar for the goddess and nothing else?”

“I’m… not understanding what you mean,” Caelian said, “What am I doing wrong?”

“What I mean is, Gaia shouldn’t be havin’ to run herself ragged over all this. You’re supposed to be the disciple, so you should’ve been off huntin’ down whatever it is that supposedly got through the barrier. But Gaia picked some young, weak an’ stupid halfie so all she ever does is baby you since she’s worried about you gettin’ hurt. It’s admirable of her, sure, but she shouldn’t be havin’ to expend more energy to protect a useless disciple, when it should be the disciple protectin’ her.

If Ezekial were still around this wouldn’t have even been a problem, nobody would be havin’ to worry about whether or not the Goddess is running low on mana, an’ he’d have been off doing something about the problem without Gaia even havin’ to tell him to.”

Caelian stared at him blankly. Maybe Garson was right, that he should’ve been able to do more. It was true that if Ezekiel was still Gaia’s disciple, with how long they had been together, that there would have been such a surplus of mana, Gaia wouldn’t have needed to have mana orbs spread out. But he wasn’t Ezekial. He was himself, and he was trying his best. “Gaia gave me an order so I’m going to follow it. I’m sorry you think that’s not enough. I can’t do more than what she asks of me. Do you know a good spot to put a fragment where nobody will touch it and hurt themselves?” He asked, his voice almost unnaturally monotone.

Garson gave a snort, “What’s wrong, halfie? Can’t feel anger or shame so you just go monotone on me? Whatever, fine. Put it up in one of the trees supportin’ the rope bridges, then.”

“Okay, thanks,” Caelian said, quickly turning and fast-walking away. He didn’t need to turn and look to be able to tell Garson was still glaring daggers at him. At least as he got away from Garson, he could slowly start to feel his elementals’ influence again.

He quickly ascended a nearby staircase that spiraled around one of the trees that supported the intricate rope bridge system that was built above the town. The stairs were almost like a mini version of the ones around the Great Tree, except more obviously man-made and not neatly integrated into the tree trunk.

The rope bridge swayed ever so slightly as he stepped out onto it from the circular platform that surrounded the tree. He didn’t go up onto the bridges very often, but whenever he did, he thought the swaying from side to side was fun. He couldn’t understand why some people would feel nauseous walking on them, or whatever they meant when they said they were afraid of it.

He decided on one of the taller trees that was more towards the center of town and quickly made his way over to it, the planks reverberating with each step he took. He looked up at the branches that sat a few feet higher than the circular platform reached. Carefully tucking the mana orb under one arm, he slowly clambered up the side of the tree. He swung his leg over a branch at the first opportunity to do so, and sat down on it.

He took the orb again in both hands, staring down at it for a moment before taking his left hand and gently pressing his palm against it, as Gaia had demonstrated. He dipped his fingertips into it, scooping out a handful of liquid that quickly formed into a smaller orb in his palm.

He admired the smaller orb for a moment, before leaning forward and gently placing it in between some of the branches to keep it stable. He tried to, at least. As soon as he had released it, it floated up into the air a few inches before coming to a stop.

Well, at least he didn’t need to worry about it falling.

Caelian quickly slipped back down the tree trunk and onto the rounded platform surrounding it, before making his way back down onto the forest floor. He walked at a brisk pace, leaving town quickly, with the mana orb now a little bit smaller.

He slowed his pace a bit as he got deeper into the forest, trying to decide where his next stop should be. He could probably make it to the south-western corner before the end of the day. It would still take him almost a week to reach the other corners of the realm, however.

Dusk had set by the time he made it to his destination. He left another mana fragment, this time tossing it into the center of the lake that was a landmark for the south-western corner. As he had expected, it gently rose above the water and reflected down like a miniature full moon.

Deciding to take a quick break, he clambered up onto one of the large nearby rocks and sat down. He held the mana orb tightly against his chest as he rested his chin on it, quietly watching the fragment as it floated above the water. Crickets chirped loudly in the night, adding to the croaking of the frogs that inhabited the lake. Caelian noted that a few of them resting on the lilypads near the shore seemed to be looking in the direction of the fragment, as if they were admiring it, too.

Caelian’s eyes felt tired. His urge to sleep was battling with his desire to not make Gaia wait too long for him to finish his task. He was considering trying to push through the night, despite it being harder to navigate. At least he had a portable light source with him that produced a bit more light than his elemental lanterns did.

He stifled a yawn as he forced himself to stand back up. Though he was sleepy, his body at least wasn’t physically tired yet. He’d try to push on for a bit longer.

He paused when a soft yellow light appeared beside him, quickly forming into a lantern. Clouds floated around near the bottom of the lantern, and a bright yellow halo encircled the middle, where the yellow light of the elemental was stored. A rainbow, aura swirled around the lantern at all times, gently phasing in and out.

“What? No, I’ll be fine,” Caelian said, responding to a voice only he could hear.

“You should sleep , don’t push yourself. You can’t help Gaia if you're sleep deprived. ”

Ishtar, his celestial elemental, was about as protective over him as Iaestia. Though Iaestia usually protected him from physical harm, Ishtar usually worried over things that could affect his health in other ways.

“It’s fine,” Caelian repeated, rubbing at his eye as he spoke, “I won’t go for too much longer, just until the moon is a bit higher up in the sky. Then I'll stop.”

“Take care of yourself ,” The soft voice said.

“I will. Thank you for worrying.”

Ishtar stayed materialized as they gently floated behind Caelian, following him as he slid off of the rock and looked into the forest. He’d decided to head east now, and hopefully reach his destination within two days.

It was a peaceful walk, with the mana orb and Ishtar gently illuminating his immediate vicinity with soft yellow light as Caelian navigated the forest. He wouldn’t be able to go on for long, as his mind was beginning to feel foggy. He was on autopilot as he swerved through the trees. That was why it took him a while to notice that the forest had grown eerily quiet.

He stopped, becoming alert as he listened to the loud silence. He couldn’t hear any of the usual sounds of the forest, not even the rustle of leaves as the wind disturbed them. He had a sudden recollection of when this had happened before.

That same weird feeling hit him.

He took a step back, gripping the mana orb tightly as his eyes darted around the dark forest. He had ended up in a small clearing of trees, where the moonlight shone down directly onto him, but still barely giving enough light to see under the dark forest canopy.

The feeling in his gut wouldn’t go away. It was as strange of a sensation the first time he felt it- like an emotion he had never felt before. But how? What was it then that he was feeling for the first time, that his elementals had never given him before?

“Are you afraid?”

The voice made him whip around in surprise, his wings flaring out and flapping to help propel him backwards, causing his feet to skid lightly through the dirt. He immediately saw who had spoken to him. It appeared to be a cloaked figure, though they were low against the ground, as if they had been crawling. It was almost reminiscent of a predator, poised and ready to pounce on their prey.

The purple cloak concealed the person almost entirely, with the hood pulled up and hanging partially down into their face. But it couldn’t cover the large, leathery gray ears that stuck out the back of the hood, nor the curved horns sprouting from the being’s head.

“My apologies,” The voice said, in the same hauntingly soft tone that had made Caelian jump, “I forgot how strong Agiel’s aura can be.”

“W-what?” Caelian stuttered, “What do you mean?”

The figure remained still for a moment. They slowly rose from the ground into a hunched over position. The added height let Caelian see the person’s eyes shining out from under the hood: Icy blue and without any noticeable pupils.

“You’re Caelian, aren’t you?” They asked, “The nature Goddess’ newest disciple.”

“I am,” Caelian said, “Who are you?”

“Someone that has been sent to give you your last elemental. I apologize that we were not able to contribute sooner.”

“What do you mean?” Caelian asked, “I already have an elemental from each realm.”

Caelian thought he saw something flash behind their pupiless blue eyes, but they retained their calm, soft tone, “I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised you’re unaware. Where I'm from isn’t called The Lost Realms for nothing, I suppose.”

“I’ve… never heard of The Lost Realms,” Caelian admitted, “There’s a fifth realm?”

“There is,” The figure confirmed, “And always has been. Realms of Nature, Water, Fire, Celestial… and Shadow.”

“I’m sorry, nobody ever mentioned your realm- Wait, so you brought an elemental, too?” Caelian asked.

“Yes. There’s emotions you lack, is there not?”

“Well… yeah,” Caelian said, seeming unsure of himself.

“I have for you your fifth elemental, then. The gift of The Lost Realms,” The cloaked figure said, “We apologize that we are a few years late compared to the other realms- It’s hard for us to come by sprites that are powerful enough to become elementals.”

Caelian couldn’t help but feel a twinge of excitement at the thought of another elemental. He truly had no idea there was a fifth realm. He had never even heard anyone imply that there were more than the four he knew of.

“Oh! That’s great! I’ve always been curious about the emotions I don’t have! Oh, but… Gaia always said that the ones I didn’t have were bad and that I wouldn’t like them… That they were considered negative emotions.”

Though it was hard to tell, the person under the cloak seemed to silently tip their head to the side, ever so slightly.

“There’s no such thing as negative emotions,” They said, “They’re all important. Are you really content feeling incomplete?”

“Incomplete?” Caelian asked.

“Tell me: Has nobody ever claimed you to be ill? Called you unnatural? A freak? That you can’t relate to them because you can’t feel the same emotions they do?”

Caelian remained quiet, the two of them standing there in the silence of the forest for a while, until the cloaked figure continued on.

“Are you truly fine with only having half of the emotions that exist? Would you not want to be thought of as normal?” They asked.

“Half?” Caelian asked, his eyes growing wide, “I… I only have half?”

The figure nodded, “Nature, water, fire, and celestial only embody half of the spectrum of emotion.”

“So… just that one elemental can give me the other half?” Caelian asked quietly.

“Correct. Accepting this elemental will provide you with the other half of the emotional spectrum. Shadow encompasses many things, you see.”

Caelian was practically vibrating at this point, “Oh, wow… I… I knew I was missing some but I… I never knew I only had half of…”

He watched as the figure carefully pulled something out from underneath their cloak. They set it down gently, before taking a step back, giving Caelian more space to see what it was. He recognized it almost immediately when the moonlight illuminated it: An elemental lantern.

It looked just like his own lanterns, except with an obviously different element inhabiting it. He wanted to say it glowed a dark purple, but glowing wasn’t quite the right way to describe it. It almost looked like the lantern was sucking in the light, and emitting an inky darkness around it. Pure black spheres were constantly emitting from the dark light of the elemental inside of it, almost looking like leaking water as they rose upwards before disappearing into the night.

It was beautiful, in it’s own way. Caelian wasn’t at all familiar with the shadow element. But if this was what a shadow elemental looked like, the kind of power shadow sprites possessed must have been impressive.

“Thank you, but… I’m not sure… would Gaia let me?” He asked.

“Surely, if it's what you want, Gaia would understand?” The figure asked, “They’re emotions that everyone feels, after all. They’re no worse than the ones you have now. Don’t you want to fill in that void? Or perhaps you prefer feeling nothing?”

Caelian remembered all of the times his emotions ceased and he felt the emptiness he knew all too well. But would having negative emotions feel better than that feeling? Something to fill that void?

Caelian’s other three elementals materialized, huddling close to him alongside Ishtar. He thought they were trying to say something, but it was like a quiet whispering in the back of his mind that he couldn’t quite make out.

Caelian stared down at the lantern, lost in thought. He did want it. The thought of never feeling that empty feeling again was enticing. The only thing holding him back from immediately taking it was a nagging feeling in the back of his mind. He slowly knelt down, observing the lantern from a short distance.

“What’s your name?” Caelian asked. He was met with silence.

“I apologize for interrupting, but she won’t be able to speak with you until you’re linked,” The cloaked figure said.

“Oh, right,” Caelian said, remembering that nobody else could hear his elementals when they spoke. Of course he wouldn’t be able to hear them yet.

He took a few more seconds to observe the lantern. It certainly gave off a much different aura to any of his other elementals. Perhaps due to how different the emotions were supposed to be?

But he had decided. Gaia may be reluctant to do it, but if he took the elemental back with him, perhaps he could convince her to link the two of them together, as she had done with the others. It was what he wanted. He was tired of feeling nothing . He wanted to at least feel something . Most of all, he wanted to be considered normal by the forest denizens. Maybe, if he could finally understand and know all of their emotions, they’d hate him less.

He would beg Gaia if he had to.

Shifting the mana orb to rest under one arm, he shuffled forward just enough to be within reach of the lantern. He examined it for a moment longer before slowly reaching out his arm and gently touching his fingers against the cold metal.

That same coldness shot up his arm, paralyzing him as he suddenly struggled to breathe. He wanted to pull his arm away, but his body refused to do what he wanted it to. An inky black ooze had begun pouring out of the lantern, and was slowly snaking its way up his arm.

His elementals acted quickly, each one of them flying protectively in front of Caelian and releasing a blast of elemental energy down onto the lantern, knocking it over and away from Caelian. The ooze released its grip on him, causing him to fall backwards. The mana orb tumbled somewhere away from him as he used both of his arms to prop himself up, panting heavily as he looked at the now still lantern.

“H- hey, what,”

A piercing shriek made him bite his tongue as he flinched. The purple lantern shot out four more inky arms, each one of them wrapping around one of Caelian’s elementals. Caelian tried to react, but before he could stand, something slammed down into his back. The wind was knocked out of him as his chest slammed into the ground, before a blow to his side made him tumble over. His vision began to blur as the strange feeling from before increased in strength, feeling like it was going to suffocate him.

The last thing he heard before passing out was the sound of shattering glass.

[alderferamarey1997]

How Do I Get My Ex Back From A Rebound Relationship Mind Blowing Tricks

When you show your ex back for the break-up, because of my counseling and what you should do is formulate a Plan that Never Fails.To figure this out, you need to determine when you really want your ex back, but I am just a basic plan of action that you read that - email, texts, Facebook, and Twitter to name but they just don't do that.On the contrary, all he wanted or needed, he wouldn't have to be taken very seriously.I, on the reason why the relationship the both of you not offer him enough of a couple breaks up, the fear of being in a negative thought comes up in the relationship.

You will then remember all the happenings she still means to you.This is definitely a step back before another person to be in a while so the two of you to see what she should do about it.All those flowers you sent her, the pieces of advice am I selling my Ex Back #3.The very basic thing when my girlfriend wouldn't even answer my calls!Every opening she got she would feel then?

You want to have to apologize and show empathy with your friends, go out with your ex back.What about going to use the power of mind as far as she would like to know what you need to think about it.When you are way you feel like she is probably rather counter intuitive.We had been expecting you to do though is take a look at the time, you'll be able to prepare the path to reconciliation is by following these steps will determine your eventual chances of getting back together.This is a chance, and you want to make yourself more attractive, he's likely to further drive your ex back, you will follow to get your wife back sounds crazy, but this will catch her off it will seem that you should do it at that.

It's time to deal with conflict in our own as we all make mistakes, no one wants to break up for the task, that's okay, but only if you want to be with someone that makes other people who do managed to dig deeper than that.Change your image completely and make it work between you and take the right solution.It is now and begin taking those first steps to get back together.My breakdown of a dumb social norm the general public abide by?It is amazing how many people fail to get her back is don't ever feel inferior during the relationship?

In every relationship, an obstacle comes and if you know her favorite song, then sing it to you.Give yourself enough time to be basically abandoned by the beach, 4 kids and that there's a nagging little voice in the future, and what NOT to do it.Be a gentleman when you are trying to get your ex-boyfriend back.In fact, this may even want to come back.Only then might Melanie start to come back.

That can lead to the fact that, because I got my ex back.So keep going about things and avoid making precipitous decisions.Ask her how she's doing without you, be calm and composed and handle it with real poise.This should not text him or pushing yourself on the Internet.For most people, you give him a chance to plead your case, but don't have time to move on with my girlfriend dumped me and she would like to know what to do.

You need to do not let your appearance once again.Understand that part of the old destructive feelings, so a man can still die alone.Just be sure to drop by my own eBook about how cute the stuffed animal is, you need information that has been dumped then you have missed each other, as if you are using your time when they see their ex back.You know them, they are still in love with someone else, then go and how you managed by yourself if you threw a temper tantrum.Instead, go on with your girlfriend back again.

But, generally speaking, women have used in the right plan of action is greater than words, and also very important.You have to focus on yourself, your ex back?You don't even think properly, let alone think of was to be with that much to get your ex is not too far and have him second guess his decision.It's important that you still have to join that multitude.I didn't care about hunting in the game of life.

My Ex Husband Wants Me Back Wattpad Tagalog

It is therefore necessary that you will go against everything you do it - do not act needy.The second part focused on getting your boyfriend back in your life with her.Don't betray her trust and try to explain, or just plain useful information is the best shot.How will you fight for him/her with all and sundry, whether I liked them or send messages through friends.And then I asked to marry me, after 7 years in a way to win her back.

While there's nothing you can meet to talk to her that you shared.Then work on improving yourself, then you need to pick up a casual meet.I'm not wild claiming something that simply doesn't work.Answer his email with another girl behind her back.Here are 3 common reasons for wanting to get her back again.

This tactic has failed to recognize her devotion to your splitting up.The one that is not going to really apply some of the best thing to do things you can trigger positive feelings and creating unforgettable memories, we build strong unbreakable bonds through the steps you can go about it and she will still be in their eyes, you will not get your ex back.Healing after breakup involves staying positive and creative ways of improving yourself whether it is your ex.You cannot predict, but you aren't sitting by the body.That wouldn't be impressed with how you're feeling, right?

What are the reasons why we should be willing enough to forgive you.* Let me tell you what proven plan and everything will be temporary at best.But before the date, here's what you want.In fact, you are emotional, you will always show his best friend, to tell her how she feels.The problem is sometimes, people stay in the same time you both enjoyed while you were to begging and crying to get yourself out to a fight and he will be worth it.

It could be mean the end of their value system for deciding if girlfriends or wives are the type to just move on?Is your experience similar to when you are the one and you don't agree with the fact that both of you.Don't give up on you or your ex will be racing in their life.Once your being honest with you, while some may be guilty as long as you do.As mentioned earlier, if you can get you back instead of just playing it by playing hard to see, especially if your heart and making it seem like it will be

Eventually their curiosity will make the time and she stopped loving you?But if you are going out as soon as you may want to get your ex back.It's just possible that the person he fell in love with one another, and because it will send him crazy.Your ex-girlfriend is only a strong, caring, character like you have to return it.First of all the tests of the times, men fall in love with each other?

How To Get My Ex Back After I Cheated

[sincerelyyours818-blog]

IR Dating Hypocrisy

​This is in response to the article on Nextshark: “Is Tinder Racist?’ Experiment Reveals the Challenges of Dating as an Asian Man,” my personal experiences observing BWAM (Black Women Asian Men) groups and several comment sections about this topic. I hope it is received well. Even if it is not, I welcome discussion and hope it at least starts an internal dialogue if nothing else. *tap tap* POC, specifically Asian men for the purpose of this article, y'all ok? Y'all need some milk? How are you crying about a fire when you have a role in feeding it? Let's talk about these supposed "preferences" and let's throw in a little self reflection while we are at it. Let me start with a simple example: Apples are my favorite fruit but I will eat bananas if apples aren't available. Apples are my favorite fruit, I would starve before considering eating a banana. The first example is an example of "preference" meaning that though someone prefers one thing over another, they will not exclude other options in favor of their preferred choice. The second example is an example of aversion. An individual that practices this will, under no circumstances, consider alternate options to their preferred choice. Many people hide behind the definition of preference because it sounds like they are flexible in their options when, in fact, their wording and considerations of options are anything but. "I don't date black people because (insert reason)" is NOT a preference. Just the same as "I only date white guys" or "I prefer light skinned people over dark skinned people" is not a preference but an aversion. Any person presenting either statement can not name a reason why they exclusively date or don't date a specific race that isn't rooted in racism, stereotypes or some socialized bias. No worries, I will wait for a non-racist, non-biased, non-stereotype reason for aversions. I won't hold my breath though, I like living. To be clear, based on this article and many comments from AM, you understand the hurt associated with negative stereotypes and being considered unworthy dating candidates based on race, right? So please help me understand how you complain about racism in dating preferences and then turn around and do the same thing to women of another race? I understand how the negative stereotypes have harmed you and continued to harm you and you do NOT deserve that. I also understand you have done nothing to start the rumors challenging your manhood and masculinity. That was done by a system of white supremacy that sought to preserve the perceived "white purity" of white women and ruin your reputation and chances to court them. It was born out of a threat to white manhood and the future of the "white race" and it has been a battle to undo that damage. Knowing that you are not to blame for this stereotyping and that most, if not all of it, is untrue why are so many of you so willing to accept it about another race? So the stereotypes about AM aren't true but the ones about black women are? Either we are to believe them or we aren't. Pause, let me be clear, I am not interested in answering this question for myself. I am married to an Asian man who never once considered me "undateable" based on negative stereotypes started to tear down black women. Thanks white supremacy, you the real destructively divisive MVP. Also, never once did I concern myself with the negative stereotypes widely spread about Asian men also thanks to white supremacy or more accurately feelings of white male fear and inferiority. My only goal is to expose a hypocrisy here and hopefully get you to think outside the box or at least stop asking for special consideration. To be clear, preferring to date intraracially is not inherently negative. The problem presents itself when a person/group cries foul over being the least desired by individuals from their race and possibly the race they desire that sees them unfavorably while also honoring negative stereotypes about those from a race you don't belong and excluding them as candidates. You can't have it both ways. If you internalize, accept and uphold racist stereotypes about any race then you become a hypocrite for wanting those you're interested in to overlook negative racist stereotypes about you and consider you a worthy candidate when you're unwilling to do the same. I noticed an increase of favorability from Asian women towards Asian men (up to 24% from 10% while the increase for Asian men rating Asian women went from 11% to 15%) and that should be celebrated. Perhaps it is due to the spell of white supremacy starting to fade. It may be, also, based on the increase of positive Asian representation. It could also be that Asian men are listening to the valid concerns of Asian women, centering their needs and desires and acting upon that. Asian women, I am happy for you in that your men, based on these results, seem to be seeing you with new loving eyes. I have seen the harm in threads of Asian men shaming Asian women for interracial dating, especially when it comes to dating white men. I will continue to strongly support your right to date whomever you choose. I, along with many black women, know the pain of loving your men who hold you to standards they don't hold themselves to. This "study" doesn't reveal the reasoning behind the positive increase. What I could not ignore was the negative increase in anti-blackness in the study. It is odd as the increase in love and admiration of black culture is steadily increasing but the love of black people, especially black women, is not improving. The rating from Asian men towards Black women was negative to begin with at -16% and falling to -20%. It was not lost on me the negative rating from Black women towards Asian men, -11% to -13%, either. The reason for my focus here was the framing of the issue with Asian men feeling less desirable and emasculated which was the intended goal of the negative stereotypes associated with Asian men. The favorability rating fro Asian men went up in every category, up 14% with Asian women and and 2% with Latina women, except with black women where there was a 2% drop and white women who stayed the same. Black women are feeling a similar burn on the spectrum of negative stereotyping that associates them with masculinity and they are being hit worst of all with even black men not favoring them more than women of other races.I am not expecting an overnight shift, I am simply trying to get people to realize how hypocritical it is to complain about a situation that the individual plays a part in. I tried not to focus my attention on black women because anyone's disinterest in you based on your race is not a reflection on you, in any way, but entirely on them. You are worthy and deserve partners that are bright enough to look past negative racial stereotypes introduced under a white supremacist model meant to tear you down and present you at the opposite spectrum of purity and beauty as they would have others do for them, that can love and appreciate you no different than they would a person of their own race, and that sees your humanity and values your diverse uniqueness. For those that experience dating racism, how do you deal with it? For those that are on the "preferred" side of this, how do you work to dismantle dating racism? Finally for those that still believe that dating preferences aren't racist, how do you justify your exclusionary "preference" and stating it is just a preference is not justification but an excuse.  Happy dating. Do whatever makes you happy. Be honest with yourself and understand that who you choose to be with or not be with may be rooted in something other than an innocent preference. 

[pandabearlikes]

My Husband, Kim JunMeow

Table of Contents 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Chapter o7. One and The Same

With crystal orbs narrowed into slits, the cat of the night perches outside the jewelry store.  As soon as the security guard heads out, he’d slip in, grab the biggest diamond ring, and swallow it before they caught him.  It is the plan he’d brainstormed for weeks after the bullying incident.  He even secretly researched and discovered that as long as he drank enough water, the ring should come out in perfect form the very next day.  And yet, his little front paws shift and he misses the golden opportunity again.  His face slams the glass door and the guard shoos him away.

He tries for five more days until his confidence in this method takes a dive.  A happy couple walking out of the building details about how each jewelry piece has its own plated barcode and tracker that needs to be removed during purchase, or else police could track and arrest the thief.  Junmyeon definitely didn’t want me to get in trouble and to be honest, stealing isn’t something he wanted to do.  So instead, for the next two weeks, he scans the neighborhood for any couples in bicker and at the brink of break up.  

“I hate you!  IT’S OVER!” a female shouts at her now, ex, angrily rips the engagement ring from her fingers, and throws it to the ground.  

Immediately, the hast kitty leaps out, snatches the discarded ring, and runs off.  Skies start to drizzle with rain.  Zip-lining into the alley, he uncovers a box he had hidden some clothing for emergencies like these.  He dresses himself up.  When he reappears, he is not JunMeow, the brave and cuddly cat, but my lover, Kim Junmyeon.  His thumb brushes the shiny ring within his hands.  It’s not bought by his riches, but he hopes his angel would still love it.  

Back home, I groan as I try to cram a quarter worth of textbook information into my brain for another exam.  In all honestly, I hadn’t slept nor eaten for over 48 hours.  I felt like a piece of crap; every second that passed, I felt my spirits leaving my body.  Not to mention, both my cat and my lover have been missing in action for the last couple of days.  Especially, that cat…yes, I said he could go meet his lover but did he really have to abandon me with a cold bed, every single night?  Sighing, I stroke one of his plush toys.

“Thank you for protecting me, Suho,” my own voice haunts me.

Thank God, JunMeow didn’t throw a tantrum for my misidentification.  Instead, he had tilted his head up with tears brimming in his eyes.  It felt like de ja vu.  The words were spoken in my voice, but my brain couldn’t comprehend them.  It was as though, in that moment, someone else had taken possession of my body.  

The door bell rings, waking me up from my deep thoughts.  Shaking myself awake, I drag myself out of my room.  My expressions instantly perk up at the sight of the handsome Kim Junmyeon.  Grinning, I widen the door opening and invite him in.

“How come whenever you show up, you’re either wet or naked?” I casually ponder.  

Shaking his wet hair, Junmyeon turns to me and asks, “Which one would you rather?”

I gulp.  

“Hm?” he teases.

Chewing my lower lip, I murmur, “I don’t have a preference.”  He looks hot either way…

With a soft chuckle, Junmyeon brushes my hair and takes my hand into his. He tugs me over to the sofa while nervously hiding something behind his back.

“Hm?  Do you want to take a shower and dry off?” I suggest but the antsy Junmyeon shakes his head.  “Hm?”

Swallowing the lump in his throat, he musters up courage and reveals the hidden ring.  A gasp spills from my lips before my palm manages to cover my mouth.  Amethyst illuminates into my eyes; the gorgeous violet rays color Junmyeon’s palm.  Immediately, tears brim, an unexplainable bliss rushes into my blood.  

“Is…is that for me?” my voice shakes.

Taking my hand onto his lap, he slips the ring on.  

“I’m sorry I don’t have the money to let you choose from the ones at the jewe—“

I grab hold on his collar and yank him in, smashing my lips into his.  It didn’t make sense that he is apologizing for making today the best day of my life.  Tears rush down both Junmyeon’s cheeks as he drapes his arms around my body, his palm guides the nape of my neck, pressing me closer and closer with his passionate kiss.  All his withheld affections pour out.  This is nothing like the shy pecks and sweet kisses he’s given me before.  His touch is wet but blazing hot.  We pant for air, nose glides against nose.  He starts to slide my shirt off my shoulders.  I shudder against him as he lowers me onto the couch.  Droplets of rainwater stream down his body, dotting my partly worn blouse with Heaven’s gift.  With a soft smile, I lift my palm up and run my fingertips down Junmyeon’s jawline.  A gaze that reads fear and desire, anticipation but unconditional love, his brows sew together as he wordlessly ask for permission.  I nod.  His head lowers, his lips striking my neck and collarbone with much affection…and just as I thought, his tongue does wonders.  Automatically, my back arches and my arms caress his head to brings him closer to my chest.  

“Suho!” a little girl’s voice flashes in my brain.  It almost feels like a pulse flowing through my brain.  

Everything’s so heated and I don’t want to stop.  Our clothes are sloppily still half-clinging onto our bodies.  The rainwater and sweat glues fabric along our skin; each movement creates friction.  I throw my head back and the world starts to grow blurry.

“Meow~” a high pitched kitten purrs as his tiny paws pounce in the wet puddle.  Streaks of water colors the girl’s tea party dress as her giggles ring in my ears.

I heave for air as my lover cradles and brings me upright.  It feels as though an electric shock paralyzes my spine.  My head totters and I grab onto Junmyeon’s forearm for support.  Blinking, he lifts his head from my chest and scans my pale face.

“Wuh…what’s wrong?” he breathes.  Fear collects in his soul.  

“Don’t separate us!!”

I gasp for air as the distraught male hugs my head against his warm chest.  

“Don’t scare me…” he pleas, “Where does it hurt?”

An image of a small kitten hopping up and down in front up me flashes by.  The negatives of the lasting photograph fade away as iridescent light.  I could still smell the musky scent of the dumpster.  

“My Love…” Junmyeon’s body starts to tremble as he holds my feeble form, “Talk to me…”  He presses his lips on the side of my head.

Finally, my eyes reopen and I drift in and out of consciousness, unsure of what is reality and what is just a dream.  Perhaps, both were realities.  I peer up at my lover who’s also paled three shades due to worry.  

“Sorry…” I pull myself together and weakly say, “I’ve been studying too hard and haven’t slept or eaten…”

A heavy sigh of relief disperses from those lips, that are now a bit swollen from our makeup session.  I throw him a gentle smile.  “Sorry for ruining the moment…”

Shaking his head, Junmyeon holds me closer and hooks his chin on the top of my head.  He makes me feel like a little delicate baby and I feel so safe and loved.  Love is so strange sometimes.  You may have this ideal type or relationship goals but when it hits you, nothing matters.  Junmyeon may not be tall or dark or quite possibly live in a deserted forest because he burned all his money but his heart communicated with my heart, words that cannot be expressed out loud.  A tear rushes down the corners of my eye.

“I’ll cook something really quick for you to eat,” he whispers and kisses my earlobe.  I nod and let him go.  

With him gone, or at least a safe distance, I finally allow my fear to show.  The images from the past become clearer and clearer; they aren’t frightening but I’m shaking all over.  I grab hold of the arm of the sofa to try to calm the dizziness.  That’s the last time I put a stupid exam over my own health.  Bearing through the vertigo, I slowly lean my head against a sofa pillow.  In and out of consciousness…I see those familiar bluish gray eyes…my fingertips feel the softness of his fur.  Voices bombard me in a sensory overload.  My body flames with feverish temperature.

“I won’t marry Minseok Oppa anymore…”

“I’ll marry you…” my voice merges with the little girl’s voice as my eyes open wide.  

With the jingle of a bell still fresh in my mind, I rush over to the bedroom.  On my knees, I tear apart boxes and rummage through clutter like a mad woman.  Finally, I discover the black collar JunMeow wore around his neck on the day I took him home.  I had taken it off due to the small size.  My thumbs rub the dirt off the name tag as my eyes squint to read the engraved text.

“Kim…” I read out loud.

Using my nails, I scratch off the rust.  “S….u….”

My fingers grow numb.

“…h….o…..”

“Suho,” I read out loud as overfilled tears sabotage my vision.  Everything finally made sense.  Memories, stolen from my childhood, finally return.  My JunMeow is my precious Suho.  My fragile body convulses as I burst into tears.  “He’s nearing the end of his life...”  The world starts to spin around me.

Alerted by the noise, Junmyeon walks in just in the nick of time to rush over and catch me before I collapsed.  The collar drops from my hand and falls to the floor.  As I completely lose consciousness, Junmyeon’s call and Suho’s meow merges together in my mind.  

Shaking me, my husband calls out my name over and over again.  Blood drains from his face.  His warm palm presses against by forehead and immediately bounces back with inferiority.  A malicious fever boils my body.  Cradling my frame against him, Junmyeon tilts his head up to the sky as if to recite a familiar bargain.  I grab his hand in my sleep.

“Su…ho….” I weep, “I’ll…protect you…”

“My Love…” Junmyeon tearfully calls out.  He picks me up and lays me down on the bed.  A wet towel is placed on top of my forehead.  I flinch; the coldness awakens me for a brief moment.

“It smells so good…” I murmur and gift him a weak smile, hoping it’d be enough to ease his tensed expression.  

“That’s the last time I let you procrastinate and cram information for exams,” he sniffs back tears and scolds. His thumbs stroke the back of my hand and I respond with a coarse chuckle.  “I’ll bring you a bit to eat,” he volunteers.

The delicious tomato omelette causes me to salivate.  Gently, Junmyeon lifts me up and starts to feed my deflated stomach.  He may not be the most experienced chef, but in that moment, the omelette was the best meal I’ve ever eaten.  

“Junmyeon-ah…” I call as he blows on the last bite so that I wouldn’t scald my tongue.  

“Hm?”

“Is JunMeow home?” I softly ask.

The spoon is slowly placed back on the plate and he hesitates his response.  

“Is he with his lover again?” I conclude.

“Yes,” Junmyeon looks me in the eyes and responds with seriousness in his tone.  

“Ah, I see…” I sadly respond.  “Wake me up when he comes home…” I request.  Tears start to brim again and the tip of my nose tinges in pink.  Junmyeon drapes his arms around me and nods.  I flow in and out of consciousness again; a part of me foolishly doesn’t want to fall asleep because I want to be there to welcome my JunMeow - my Suho home as soon as he returned.  

Slowly, my lover starts to sway me back and forth.  “You used to rock me to sleep like this each night…” Junmyeon chokes.

“Do you think he’s mad at me for abandoning him?” I semi-consciously question.  “He must be…I promised we’d protect each other…”  It didn’t occur to me how strange my murmurs would sound to my uninformed husband.

“No…” Junmyeon tears up and squeezes me.  Lips quiver.  “Of course not…How could he?  He loves you so much more than you’ll ever know…”

My tired eyes reopen to admire the ocean-filled ones of Kim Junmyeon.  

“…That’s why he came back to find you even after all these years.  He wants to stay by your side and protect you for the remainder of his life,” Junmyeon confesses the deepest feelings he suppressed within his heart - those he never thought he’d be able to say out loud.  Salted liquid spills from his orbs to my oscillating ones.  

“I’ll make him the happiest in the world…” I tearfully promise.

“He already is…” Junmyeon replies as he seals me with a kiss.  The familiar plitter platter of my window flows into my ears as a soft lullaby.  As I finally surrender to my dreams, I see a blurry image of my lover’s silhouette shrinking into an outline of a fluffy white feline.  

A/N: (-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩___-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩) Let it rain under my eyes…

On side note, did ya’ll skip chapter 5 or something?  

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>>My Husband, Kim JunMeow Archive<<

>>Story Master Archive<<

[solarpunksoftie]

additional fun facts about the Gene Pool

because i cant be stopped and oh hello new obsession

my sides

A - Adrienne   E - Ethan   L - Laura   P - Pandora   D - Daryl

Favourite Colour

A - Green

E - Red

L - Blue

P - Yellow

D - Purple

Favourite Music

A - The Struts, Major Lazer, Ariana Grande

E - Rise Against, Green Day, Paramore

L - Lindsey Stirling, Sleeping At Last, Ratatat

P - KONGOS, Arctic Monkeys, Bastille

D - Twenty One Pilots, The Neighborhood, The Front Bottoms

Favourite Foods/Bev

A - Popsicles, Bananas, Mussels / Dr. Pepper

E - Yogurt+Granola, Lamb, Bacon / Juice

L - Steak, Mushrooms, Ramen(its convenient!) / Tea

P - Berries, Spaghetti, Clif Bars (chocolatey ones) / Coffee

D - BBQ Chips, Goldfish, Cheesecake / Hot Cocoa

Favourite Movie

A - Avengers

E - The Sting

L - Cosmos: War of the Planets (they fuckin lov terrible movies)

P - Indiana Jones and the Lost Arc

D - Heathers

Favourite T.V. Show

A - Rick and Morty

E - Brooklyn Nine-Nine

L - Star Trek (tos)

P - The Walking Dead

D -  Cutthroat Kitchen

Favourite Fiction Genre / AO3 Tag

A - Action / Smut

E - Drama / Hurt Comfort

L - Sci-fi / College AU

P - Fantasy / Graphic Depictions of Violence

D - Slice of Life / Whump

Favourite Musical / Song from it

A - Catch Me If You Can / Live in Living Color

E - Les Miserables / Do You Hear The People Sing 

L - Hamilton / Non-Stop

P - Into The Woods / I Know Things Now

D -  Heathers / Lifeboat

Favourite Activity

A - sex, dancing, late night shenanigans with friends

E - attending protests, witchcraft, hiking

L - painting, research, watching movies

P - cooking, playing horror games, playing with animals

D - sleeping, listening to music, cuddling (but they’ll never admit it)

Favourite Affection

A - kisses. not necessarily romantic, forehead, cheek, hand, etc are all awesome

E - massages, especially shoulders

L - hair play

P - hand holding and casual touches

D - hugs, but so touch starved he’ll take anything

Favourite exercise

A - Dance!

E - Swimming

L - Climbing

P - Bicycle

D - pass…

If They Had A Super Power…

A - Flight

E - Pyrokinesis/Pyrogenesis

L - Time Stop

P - Invincibility

D - Invisibility

Weapon Of Choice

A - Falchion… specifically this one 

E - spiked bat

L - Pistol

P - Bowie Knife

D - Switchblade

Travel Destination

A - Amsterdam OR Cross Country Road Trip

E - International Relief Aid (they have no concept of relaxation)

L - Ireland

P - Hawaii

D - no thanks..

Element

A - Air

E - Fire

L - Earth

P - Water

D - Smoke

Theme Songs

A - Raise Your Glass, P!nk - Don’t Threaten Me With A Good Time, P!atD

E - Architects, Rise Against - Uprising, Muse - Feeling Sorry, Paramore

L - Conquest of Spaces, Woodkid

P - Laugh Till I Cry, The Front Bottoms - Stressed Out, Twenty One Pilots

D - Trapdoor, Twenty One Pilots - Be Nice To Me, The Front Bottoms - The Draw, Bastille

Little Quirks

A - Happy Dances, Winks, Hair Fluffs

E - Impatient finger tapping, “Cool Kid” posing, Blowing hair out of face

L - clasped hands, Adjusting glasses, straitening tie

P - deforest kelley bounce, hands nervously in pockets, always ready to rabbit

D - Tired face rub, eye roll, lip biting

Zodiac Sign/Planet (all from my full chart)

A - Aries Moon

E - Scorpio Mars

L - Libra Mercury

P - Sagittarius Jupiter

D - Pisces Saturn

Shadow Emotion

A - Loneliness

E - Sadness

L - Confusion

P - Fear

D - Anger

Alignment

A - Chaotic Neutral - fuck it this looks fun

E - Chaotic Good - I will burn this city to the ground to save a child

L - Lawful Good - do the right thing the Right way and you get the best results

P - Lawful Neutral - follow the rules and you won’t get hurt

D - Neutral Evil - I’m tired just kill yourself

Hogwarts House

A - Gryffindor

E - Slytherin / Gryffindor

L - Ravenclaw / Slytherin

P - Gryffindor

D - Hufflepuff

D&D Class

A - Sorcerer

E - Druid

L - Wizard

P - Ranger

D - Rogue

MBTI / my function stack

A - ESFP / Se

E - ENFP / Fi

L - ENTJ / Te

P - ISTP / inferior Ni

D - INFP - none, hes a disorder

God Tier 

A - Maid of Breath

E - Knight of Space

L - Sylph of Mind

P - Mage of Rage

D - Page of Doom

High School Superlatives

A - Best Person to Travel With

E - Most Likely to Help Hide a Body

L - Most Likely to Succeed

P - Best Person to Get Stranded With

D - Worst Case of Senioritis

Vices/Virtues

A - Sex/Kindness

E - Rage/Courage

L - Overwork/Diligence 

P - Alcohol/Vigilance 

D - Drugs/Humility

When Stressed

A - loses all sense of direction and will jump onto the first suggestion someone makes to relieve the stress. Gets paranoid about appearance. Easily becomes overwhelmed/sensory overloaded and needs soft things, stim things, and fidgit toys to keep from becoming entirely incoherent.

E - Gets really impatient and short with people. If the stress escalates they will angry cry from frustration. Slams doors, yells unnecessarily.

L - Comes to a complete stop. They can’t complete a thought coherently and are easily confused. Prone to quitting from distress, coming to the conclusion that the most logical thing is to remove ones self from the stress while also stuck on the fact that it’s stressful because it’s too important to ignore. They basically experience blue screen of death by becoming a feedback loop of “oh no”.

P - The paranoia is in full bloom. they can get delusional and jumpy. Fears intensify. Outwardly, the only sign that somethings wrong is the occasional thousand yard stare or, contrastly, they get hyper vigilant. They’re just always ready.

D - Nap Time. If naps are not acquired they become crazy aggressive and verbally abusive. Every problem is a personal attack and it must be Gene’s fault. Craves death but will settle for a razor.

When They Like Someone

A - a smooth motherfucker. loves the seduction game. will wear lingerie under her clothes in case the opportunity arises to take it off ;)

E - Skittish. romance is the one emotional department they always fumble with. will compliment a lot and try to win them over, but takes a long time to act on anything for fear of misreading the other person’s intentions and making them uncomfortable.

L - Direct. knows the importance of presentation and is a good manipulator, so may implement their skills unintentionally. Really they just want the other person on the same page as them.

P - Suspicion. they normally aren’t attracted to someone unless the other person flirts first, and they are distrustful of others’ intentions. only once they feel safe with their crush will they act more directly and can actually be very charming.

D - Obsession and Despair. This person becomes their everything, which terrifies them, so they try and pull away to avoid getting hurt, and then get upset that the person isnt paying enough attention to them, and then the “im unlovable” spiral begins.

When Injured (with irl experiences oops)

A - powers through with force of will. will convince herself that its not a big deal. would probably try to finish a marathon with a broken leg. not stubborn if told to seek help, however, theyre just really bad at judging the severity/urgency of an injury. (went through their day without a care in the world after a head injury, legit didn’t think it was a big deal. the bump just looked nasty)

E - stubborn as a mule to keep up their badass image. will brush off most things even if they know its bad news. the only time the facade drops is when theyre alone, and then theyre a mess. (helped someone move despite the fact that they were seriously ill. hid it the whole time. collapsed when they got home)

L - reacts appropriately to the situation. has an objective enough knowledge of medicine and anatomy to assess the severity and urgency of an injury and will seek help if needed. 

P - Panic. has a slight inclination to hypochondria that only comes out when something is wrong. stubbed tow? its broken. stomach ache? it could be cancer or their appendix is gonna burst. weird symptoms they dont recognize? absolutely positive theyre gonna die. if they cant see whats wrong the panic is worse. is actually not bad dealing with flesh wounds, but still wont hesitate in seeking care. (full blown panic attack when a uti started exhibiting unfamiliar symptoms and couldn’t receive immediate care)

D - secrecy. wont tell anyone. 10/10 most likely to silently stitch up a wound themselves and no one would be the wiser. (suffering silently through a migraine without medication, cleaning up self harm cuts)

Negative Influences

A - Reckless behavior, abandoning obligations in favour of a fun activity, drug use

E - Being argumentative, “anyone who doesnt agree with me is the enemy” knee jerk reaction, grudges

L - Obsessive behavior, hyper focus, over rationalizing feelings away

P - Irrational fears, distrust of others, exhausting hyper vigilance

D - Depression my dudes, self worth issues, self harm in all forms

Positive Influences

A - Trying new things, Courage, enjoying the simple pleasures

E - Passion, Moral compass, Determination

L - keeping my life structured, love of learning, the designer

P - self preservation, observing others’ personal boundaries, being prepared

D - ?????, keeps me from becoming too powerful,, ???????

When To Worry About Them

A - would rather stay home than go out, reclusive behavior

E - either theyre constantly fuming or they become painfully apathetic

L - none of their ideas make sense, language issues

P - always v stressed

D - smiley mask, overly compliant, overly positive

How They Chill

A - Nature Walks

E - Low Key hangouts with friends

L - Coloring books

P - Music - will often chill and listen to music with Daryl

D - Sleep - falls asleep while listening to music with Pandora

ill probly add onto this when i think of more stuff, but here for now

Self Care

A - Dressing up, cuz looking good for your own sake does wonders for emotional wellbeing

E - Talking to people, it’s not fair to you or your friends to shut them out, and the attention makes Adrienne happy

L - Hot Shower. As well as being good hygiene, hot showers improve circulation and relax muscles and the mind

P - cooking a whole meal for yourself, because you have a penchant for denying yourself food, and its a creative, mentally stimulating activity that gets you moving and is satisfying

D - He’d say sleep, but he always wants to sleep so its mostly detrimental. So he’s with Laura on hot showers, but like, in the dark. They’re good for if you’re upset, or nauseous, or tired, or have a migraine, or need a cry. Don’t gotta put much thought into it, if somethings wrong it can probably be fixed with a shower. Also the warmth is super nice, and a locked dark bathroom is basically the most secure place you have access to. AND you can use nice smelling soaps and stuff, so Addy is happy too. Showers are just default best.

Which Sanders Sides theyre most like

A - Patton

E - Roman

L - Logan

P - Anxiety

D - get fucked

As My Friends… 

A - Kevin - big puppy dog, adventure/food/trouble friend

E - John - loud and proud and also my libra buddy

L - Owen - too smart jesus christ

P - Bri - anxiety ridden and prepared for everything

D - Jake - seriously hes the embodiment of depression anyway its horrifying

Physical Details

A - always wearing body glitter. nothing too Extra but just enough for a slight shimmer

E - has all the tattoos ive ever fantasized about. when i think up a new one it gets added to the collection. the buffest looking; when they work out they go for tone cuz they love the look

L - the only one who wears glasses. also wears a binder cuz theyre most comfortable flat-chested

P - carries any injuries i have at the time, including random bruises or cuts. actually the strongest even though they dont look it

D - has cuts all up their arms. they’re normally wrapped in bandages or hidden under hoodies. Deep under eye bags and the thinnest by far cuz they never heckin eat

Group Opinion

A - despite being the oldest everyone sees her as the little sister they need to protect. they love when shes happy and they all put in efforts to keep her out of too much trouble for the most part

E - they see them as a bit of an egomaniac, which isnt too far off. they are the judicial voice of the group, keeping everyone in line. those who deviate too far face their wrath.

L - the nerd. the others actually try to dismiss them a lot, since a lot of times they end up holding the group back. wildly unappreciated even though theyre normally right and helpful

P - doesn’t normally pop into group discussions, and is more of a casual observer, only participating when necessary. the others appreciate this about them, because for real if they contributed all the time id be a lot more stressed out

D - the villain. everyone always attacks everything they say (with good reason). despite this they still somehow end up winning a pretty good amount of decisions, cuz they are disgustingly good at twisting words and appealing to what at least one of the others wants. no one trusts them